#nb!deceit

[genderkoolaid]

ive seen people talk about nonbinary folks identifying by their agab & specifically in the context of "afab nb people call themselves that to mark themselves as the GOOD ones/to weaponize their afabness" (altho im sure people have said some shit abt nb people amab too) and its like. why are we assuming that nonbinary people are doing this maliciously and not assume that its because nonbinary people are told that if we "hide" our agab we're deceitful and untrustworthy, so people get in the habit of always declaring what kind of NB they are before they have a billion people demanding that information from them

[biboywoofz]

SOUNDGASM AUDIOS (fauxcest edition) – part 2!

It's been almost a year since the first post I made sharing my fave audios, and I've found multiple good ones since then! again, none of them belong to me, all credits go to the VAs and scriptwriters!

(most of them are m4m or f4m but there are a few others sprinkled in as well)

• BROTHER

[M4M] Deceitful younger brother tricks you into fucking him instead of his twin [Msub to power bottom speaker] [Shy to cocky] [Anal] [Riding] [Brothers] [Incest] [Tricked] [Coercion] [Blackmail] [Rape]

[M4M] Little Brother Getting Help From His Big Brother [Incest] [Age] (If You Want It To Be) [Semi Sweet] [First Time] [Blowjob] [Orgasm] [Sucking Noises] (this person has such a sweet voice<3)

[M4M] Controlling Big Brother makes love to you [Manipulation] [Incest] [Protective] [L-bombs] [Implied abuse] [Instructions] [Flirting] [Assertive] [Kissing] [Outing] [Forced] [Dubious Consent] [Rape] [Oral] [Breeding] [1:04:57] (yeah it's an hour long but it's really really good and also apparently all improvised as well??)

MOM

[F4F] Mommy's Little Slut [AGE][Incest][corruption][training] (if you're not that into ageplay stuff I wouldn't recommend this one but if you are, this one's really hot)

[F4M] Mommy Touches Her Sleepy Baby [Mommy] [Gentle FDom] [MSUB] [Nursing Handjob]

honorable mentions to Babysitter's "Bunny" Game (it's F4M and has "mommy" and "age" stuff and that's enough for me to put it here ig) and Nostalgic (M4F ageplay momson)

SISTER

[F4M] Big Sister Wants You to Call Her Mommy

[F4M] Big Sis Wants To Be your First Time ♡

DAD

[M4TM][OC] Sitting on Daddy's lap goes too far [Incest] ["Daddy"] ["Baby Boy"] ["Good Boy"] [T4B] [Lap sitting] [Slippery slope] [Dry humping] [Intercrural] [Front hole penetration] [Creampie] [Multiple orgasms]

[M4A][M4?][GQ][NB][genderfluid] Daddy Plays With Gender (this guy has really good audios both sfw and nsfw check him out, this one fills my genderfluid heart with joy)

(M4F) Teaching Her

[homecominggame]

HOMECOMING

Your parents are dead—killed in what the authorities claim was a tragic accident. But you know better. Returning to the sprawling mansion of your youth, you inherit wealth, power, and a tangled web of deceit. Within the ornate halls, whispers of betrayal echo, and the shadows seem to know more than they should.

As you unravel the mystery, you'll face dangerous situations, uncover long-buried truths, and navigate fragile alliances. The path you choose will shape your destiny—and your family’s legacy.

Trust carefully, tread lightly, and beware: the deeper you dig, the darker the shadows become.

Will you unearth the truth, or be consumed by it?

RATED 16+ FOR SUGGESTIVE CONTENT (OPTIONAL), VIOLENCE, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SELF HARM.

PEOPLE OF INTEREST

Alex Harper (M/F)– The dependable estate manager who knows more than they let on. Can loyalty be enough to erase guilt?

DESC. straight black hair stopping at their shoulders, light brown skin, swirling hazel eyes akin to a lush forest. they stand at 5'6. Alex just...wears whatever's in their closet, which consists of an embarrassing amount of leopard print and thrifted jeans.

Evelyn/Evan Hayes (M/F)– A charming journalist whose ambition might cost you everything—or lead you to the truth.

DESC. short, black curls that fall above their shoulders, freckled brown skin that makes their green eyes pop, 6'1. E enjoys their perfectly tailored, business casual clothes and seems to always wear something green. has a tattoo of a ladybug on their wrist.

Scarlett Vale (F) (ONLY F/NB MCS CAN ROMANCE) – Your childhood rival turned reluctant ally. Beneath her sharp exterior hides a vulnerable heart.

DESC. chest length sandy blonde curls worn in a ponytail more often than not, medium beige skin, brown, nearly black eyes, 5'11. sense of fashion as sharp as her wit, she often wears crisp button ups, pencil skirts and stylish dresses. One would think casual is foreign to her.

Lucy/Luca Moretti (M/F) – The enigmatic historian researching your family’s past. Soft-spoken but fiercely intelligent, they may hold the key to the estate’s mysteries—or their own motives.

DESC. waist length platinum blonde waves, usually worn in a loose braid, heterochromatic brown and green eyes. lean and graceful, L stands at 5'10. they prefer casual clothes, sweaters, flowy pants, etc.

Multiple endings, branching choices, and your legacy at stake. Ready to inherit the secrets of Blackthorne?

DEMO COMING SOON. <3

[rjthirsty]

Introducing RJ!

Hi, y'all. I'm RJ. On this blog you'll find an extreme thirst for 2D men, my abnormal life, art I enjoy, and my writing. I also reblog anything I'm interested in. #SorryNotSorry

This is an adult blog, so expect everything to be M-rated and higher.

About me

I go by RJ Mercy on Twitch, Bsky, and ko-fi. On Ao3 and Tumblr, I'm RJ Thirsty. Get it? I thought it was funny.

I'm the creator and lead writer for Doki Doki Digest. All related socials can be found on my carrd.

I'm just your neurospicy NB aromantic friend who thirsts, streams, and writes fanfic and other otome-related content.

I'm chronically ill. Sometimes I'll talk about it because it's part of my life, but it's very normal for me to be sick.

I play mainly otome games. I play mainly on mobile, but also on Switch and PC.

I'm obsessed with the Ikemen Series.

If you like what I do, send me a ko-fi. Membership and commissions closed atm.

Tags

#rjthirsty fanfic - my fanfics, drabbles, and headcanons

#rjhyperfixate - my screenshots about otome

#rjthirsty characters - my OCs + ideas

#commission - my commission pieces

#rjthirsty deceit and decay - A Gilbert-centric (IkePri) dark fic (In Progress)

#rjthirsty ikepri au - An AU with gender changes (1 complete, 1 in progress)

#ikepri abc - The alphabet with 1 prince a month (Chevalier in progress)

Masterlists & Fanfic Under Cut

Ikemen Prince Fanfic Master List

Deceit and Decay Masterlist linked in picture.

IkePri ABC Masterlist linked in picture.

Ikemen Princess Masterlist linked in picture.

Other Writing

The Loss of Youth (Kasey [oc] - IkePri) - Mature, CW = Lots!

Flashes in Time (Kasey-centric [oc] - IkePri) - A Series of Drabbles, Angst

Kasey's Hobby (Roderic/Kasey [oc] - IkePri) - NSFW

Perfect Distraction (Okazaki/AFAB!Reader - Collar x Malice) - NSFW Commission

A Man Only You Know (Yanagi/AFAB!Reader - Collar x Malice) - NSFW Commission

Drowning in Desire (Nicola/AFAB!Reader - Piofiore) - Mature Commission

Bouquet of Obsession (Nicola/Lili - Piofiore) - NSFW Commission

Shackled to You (Nicola/Lili - Piofiore) - NSFW Commission

Pegging Morax Headcanon (Morax/AFAB!Reader - WHB) - NSFW Commission

Return Visit - (Roger/Eleanor [oc] - IkeVil) - NSFW

2024 Writing Stats Just stats for my first year in fanfic

5 Most Recent Fics Posted

Return Visit - IkeVil Roger/Eleanor (OC) NSFW

Maintain Yourself - Gilbert/Roderic NSFW

All Pent Up - Gilbert/Roderic NSFW

Tempting a Tiger Part 2 - Gilbert/Dahlia (OC) NSFW

Tempting a Tiger Part 3 - Gilbert/Dahlia (OC) NSFW

Other Blogs

@kaseymalik-ikepri - RP OC blog

@artificial-infatuation - An Archive of Love

@dokidoki-digest - Doki Doki's Tumblr

@renegade-monolith - Creative Designs I make

Dividers come from @cafekitsune

Banners are created by me on Canva.

Art, if not credited, comes from official sources.

[another-lost-mc]

THOUGHTS ON NB LESSON 48???????? THOUGHTS PLS 🙏🏼

If I had to put it into words, it is exciting and stupid.

So, Simeon becoming human was his punishment back in OG S2, right? I don't think Michael intended for him to become a demon. There's already a process for that, and that's not what happened here. It doesn't take months for angels to become demons if they're kicked out of the Celestial Realm, and they're banished to the Devildom and not the human world. Is there some outside influence that's turning Simeon into a demon? Or is Simeon's doubt/resentment slowly corrupting him from within because he's human? I would've preferred the drama of him being banished/willingly choosing to fall and becoming a demon like the other fallen angels than whatever is going on now.

Solomon has known about this and has probably been looking up causes/potential solutions in his free time. As usual, he's being completely coy and playing it off like no big deal. Shady retirement home escapee is up to his regular shenanigans and no one seems to care.

Diavolo and Barbatos - this seems like something they should've known about from the beginning. Did they know? Is there some contrived, flimsy excuse to explain why they didn't say anything (or how come they didn't know before, if they do now?)

Also, I feel like Michael should be more involved with what's happening?

My guess: we're learning about this just before halfway through the current season because we're going to be spending the rest of the time figuring out a way to fix Simeon. If they wanted to actually make him a demon, that seems like a really cool cliffhanger to leave players pumped for an upcoming season. Instead, we get a bit of random drama in between science fair fluff.

This game has no stakes. Belphegor's emo phase and MC's literal murder? Resolved. The three rings? Fixed. The dark crevasse? Closed. MC stuck in the past? Not for long! I'm not sure why this would be any different.

This is probably going to tie back into Nightbringer's identity/purpose somehow. Is it Simeon? Is it Michael, or Father, or Barbatos, or Solomon? Who knows.

Speaking of Nightbringer - if the whole purpose of sending MC back into the past is related to Simeon turning into a demon, what happens after? Whether Simeon actually becomes a demon or remains a human/angel, wouldn't that mean Nightbringer's whole purpose no longer matters? Maybe they'll manage to drag it out past this season, but at this point, they could tell me MC or Luke is Nightbringer and I might not even care that much. (Those are my favourite crack theories tbh.)

Unpopular opinion: morally grey angel Simeon is more compelling than demon Simeon. He doesn't have to be a demon to be sketchy, or lustful, or deceitful. Simeon is merely a symptom of a bigger problem, which is the Celestial Realm and the very rigid rules and expectations Father expects his angels to abide by. Instead of making their most troubled angel a demon, maybe it would be more interesting to address that issue at the source.

[21silverlinings]

The strife we cause - our morals pause, and time escapes our virtues. In sight are flaws our shame withdraws; these chimes beyond our purview. Combined are songs that yield two wrongs to lie, deceit, and hurt you.

The other side of right | nb

[nomdepen]

open to: m/f/nb ! plot: pen & y/m have gotten close, possibly too close, and now pen is convinced (either correctly or incorrectly) that it was all a rouse

“Tell me the truth. I do not wish for any more lies or deceit. Just tell me the truth.” Pen despised the way her voice wavered. She desperately clung to the last shred of dignity she could muster and it was slipping from her grasp with each passing moment. She didn’t want to know the truth. It would be easier to live in a fantasy where things went exactly as she dreamed, but she needed to know.

“Was…” She hesitated, weighing the risk of finishing her question. “Was any of it real? At all?”

[roleplayfinder]

20+ nb, literate, eastern time zone — wanting to do something with spies. i’d like to double up and do mxf pairings, but i’ll do mxm for your side if that’s what you’d like! there’s lots of different plots we could lean towards. rival organizations, unwilling partners, new recruits… i’ve been really inspired by movies like kingsman, argylle, and mission impossible lately. the drama, deceit, never knowing who you can trust, angst, and even silly moments all combined into one. we can discuss limits and tropes. if you’re someone that likes chatting ooc, and really falling in love with our characters, we’d get along well! 20+ only please. if this appeals to you at all, like and i’ll reach out!

.

[findroleplay]

20+ nb, literate, eastern time zone — wanting to do something with spies. i’d like to double up and do mxf pairings, but i’ll do mxm for your side if that’s what you’d like! there’s lots of different plots we could lean towards. rival organizations, unwilling partners, new recruits… i’ve been really inspired by movies like kingsman, argylle, and mission impossible lately. the drama, deceit, never knowing who you can trust, angst, and even silly moments all combined into one. we can discuss limits and tropes. if you’re someone that likes chatting ooc, and really falling in love with our characters, we’d get along well! 20+ only please. if this appeals to you at all, like and i’ll reach out!

-

[kaijynx]

for @pixzzie's sexuality ask!

Otome Hanayama from Heartless Deceit is bisexual and demiaroace

Kiyoshi Fujioka from Heartless Deceit is bisexual

Bani Yoko / Itsumi Yoko from Heartless Deceit is abrosexual and pan lesbian

Chiemi Hattori from Heartless Deceit is canonically bisexual

Chou Yoshida from Heartless Deceit is a lesbian

Mangle from FNAF is a demiaroace bi lesbian

Toy chica from FNAF is a lesbian

Roxanne wolf from FNAF is a lesbian

Glamrock chica from FNAF is pansexual

Ibuki Mioda from Danganronpa is a demiromantic-coded canon bisexual

Mikan Tsumiki from Danganronpa is a canon bisexual

Toko Fukawa from Danganronpa is demiaroace bisexual

Komaru Naegi from Danganronpa is demiaroace bisexual

Syo from Danganronpa is demiaroace bisexual

Miu Iruma from Danganronpa is Pansexual

Kaede Akamatsu from Danganronpa is bisexual

Chihiro Fujisaki is a demiaroace lesbian (I headcanon them as transfem nb don't @ me /silly)

Celestia Ludenburg is a demiaroace omnisexual

Testament from Guilty Gear is a demiaroace bi lesbian

A.B.A from Guilty Gear is a demiaroace straight lesbian

Paracelsus from Guilty Gear is a demiaroace lesbian (I headcanon her as a transfem don't @ me /silly)

Bridget from guilty gear is a lesbian

I-No from Guilty Gear is a lesbian

[foladasilva]

NB: Established and Kept

“But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil” — 2 Thessalonians 3:3 Men are often as devoid of reason as of faith. There are with us still “unreasonable and wicked men.” There is no use in arguing with them or trying to be at peace with them: they are false at heart, and deceitful in speech. Well, what of this? Shall we worry ourselves with them? No; let us turn to…

[the-ghost-of-pastels]

I loved drawing the nb!sides so i did group picture!!!

(Deceit) (Logan) (Roman) (Virgil) (Patton)

[k4ijynxx2]

OK LETS SEE HERE

Regressors

Pokemon

Alastor, regresses cuz of neurodivergence!

Danganronpa

Chihiro Fujisaki, Celestia is her caregiver, she is also a bunny regressor! (Yes, i am aware that chihiro is a male, but i hc her as transfem nb!!)

Miu Iruma, she doesn’t seem like the type to regresses, but trust me, she does! Kaede is her caregiver!

Heartless deceit

Bani / itsumi yoko, also a bunny regressor (for obvious reasons :3)

Guilty gear

Bridget, regresses cuz of gender dysphoria, but also for fun!

Ramlethal Valentine, also a puppy regressor!

Elphelt Valentine, also a puppy regressor! (Specifically a bush dog regressor! It’s stated in her hobbies that she likes to act like a bush dog, so it’s kinda canon?? Idk)

A.B.A, regresses because of mental health reasons, Paracelsus is her caregiver!

Flips

Fnaf

Mangle, regressor leaning, but also likes to caregive at times! Toy chica is it’s caregiver!

Heartless deceit

Kiyoshi Fujioka, regresses because of gender dysphoria due to trauma, impure regressor, but can also caregive when given the chance!

Danganronpa

Ibuki Mioda, also the caregiver / playmate of Mikan, regresses for fun!

Mikan Tsumiki, also the caregiver / playmate of Ibuki, regresses because of trauma :(

Guilty gear

Testament, regressor leaning, but also likes to caregive as a hobby! (Queen’s got WAYYY to many hobbies man,,, they are SERVING!!)

Venom, bakes you cookies!

Caregivers

Heartless deceit

Otome, caregiver of Bani and Kiyoshi!

Chiemi, fun wine aunt caregiver XD

Fnaf

Toy Chica, mangle’s caregiver!

Roxanne Wolf, in a caregiver relationship with Glamrock Chica!

Glamrock Chica, in a caregiver relationship with Roxanne Wolf!

Danganronpa

Celestia Ludenburg, caregiver of Chihiro!

Toko Fukawa, in a caregiver trio with Komaru and Genocider Syo!

Komaru Naegi, in a caregiver trio with Toko and Genocider Syo!

Genocider Syo, in a caregiver trio with Toko and Komaru!

Kaede Akamatsu, caregiver of Miu!

Genshin

Rosaria, caregives for fun, but also for trauma reasons :(

Guilty gear

Paracelsus, caregiver of A.B.A!

I-no, me when i see any villain character and IMMEDIATELY know they are caregiver energy,,,

Asking all Fandom AGERE enjoyers to reblog this post with their all time favorite HCs from any media

Why? Because. I wanna see. Your thoughts are cool and appreciated by me always.

And maybe you'll find someone else who agrees!

(This is also the premise of my AGERE server linked in my bio and pinned post so if you wanna do more of this, you should join :])

[villlainarc]

A Falling Star, Least I Fall Alone

Summary: Virgil wants to be listened to, and he’s finally going to get that chance.

Janus had wanted to be listened to, and they regret ever having received that chance. But now? Now, all they want is to stop history from repeating itself.

Pairing: Anxceit (that can be read as either platonic or romantic because the author didn’t make a decision while writing it)

Warnings: virgil is a bit of an asshole, janus is also a bit of an asshole, the “light sides” are mentioned and could also also be considered assholes, (relatively tame) arguments, swearing, feelings of anger at being ignored/disregarded, aaand let me know if i should add anything else

Word Count: 4128

Taglist (ask to be added!): @max-is-tired @raaindropps @kiribakuandcats @main-chive @emo-disaster

Notes: for @figurative-siren-song’s Thing (congrats on the 500 600 over 600 followers now!)

(and no i don’t actually write this fast, this was just something i’ve had in the works for a little over a week now (i started it a day or two after virgil’s playlist dropped), and since it had anxceit, i figured,,,,, why not, right?)

also, extra important note: to reiterate One More Time, this is in no way meant to contain unsympathetic deceit or virgil. it may read that way at first since they’re both assholes for a bit, but i can assure you they are not unsympathetic, not even really morally gray. they both just made and make mistakes, and it all works out in the end i promise (the same goes for unsympathetic “light sides.” they just,,, Do Not listen sometimes and it’s very much not intentionally antagonistic).

ao3

_________________________

Your subtleties, they strangle me

There’s a darkness in his heart, a feeling he can’t explain, a feeling he’s engulfed in and suffocated with, a feeling that clouds his thoughts and bursts from his chest in an explosion of all-encompassing, utterly overwhelming fury.

I can’t explain myself at all

Virgil can’t see, but he knows exactly where he is. The world would have to end before he were to forget this tower.

And all the wants and all the needs

It’s dark, so dark, both inside and out. There’s a storm brewing just past the horizon that blots out the final traces of the sun, plunging the Imagination into complete darkness—save for the occasional bolt of lightning that streaks across the sky.

Virgil finds it beautiful.

All I don’t want to need at all

He hums into the silence, allowing the dangerous feeling stirring within him to begin to rise from the pit in his stomach. The clouds swirl ever closer, responding to the pull of Virgil’s bitter anger.

The walls start breathing, my mind’s unweaving

Stepping closer to the window, he reaches out a hand to empty air, already feeling the tingle of electricity as though he’d been struck with it. If he hadn’t already been so consumed by his own emotions, they would have been made even more tangible in the sticky, pre-storm air.

Good. This won’t work if he’s not strong enough.

He steps back again, watching patiently as the storm rolls his way, picking up speed as it draws nearer, fed by the sheer power Virgil holds in his chest. Taking a breath, he shuts his eyes, drawing more of that indescribable feeling from the depths of his mind.

Maybe it’s best you leave me alone

When he opens them again, the storm is nearly upon him. He smiles, waiting patiently for the last time.

Virgil has been perfect for too long. It’s time that changed.

A weight is lifted on this evening

The clouds gather around the tower, swirling around it from the pointed roof to the ground far below. The wind blows in through the window, bone-chillingly cold. Virgil doesn’t shiver though, numb to his surroundings.

Heralded by a deafening clap of thunder, a brilliant bolt of lightning flashes through the clouds hanging low over the roof of the tower.

I give the final blow

The world goes white.

When darkness turns to light

When the light stops piercing through Virgil’s eyelids, he opens them and looks down at his hands. They don’t look different, and he doesn’t feel different. Had Deceit felt different, or had they truly believed that everything was fine even in the very beginning?

Virgil doesn’t know, and he doesn’t plan to ask either. It’s his turn to be heard.

It ends tonight, it ends tonight

_________________________

A falling star, at least I fall alone

There’s a darkness in their heart, a feeling they can’t explain, a feeling they’re engulfed in and suffocated with, a feeling that clouds their thoughts and bursts from their chest in an explosion of all-encompassing, utterly overwhelming fury.

I can’t explain what you can explain

Janus can’t see. They don’t know where they are, they don’t know what drew them here, and they don’t know what they’re doing. All they know is that the sun is setting, and that feels right. The darkness—and the surge of something that comes with it—feels so, so right.

You’re finding things that you didn’t know

The sun dips lower, the darkness grows more absolute. If they squint, Janus can just make out the silhouette of a castle, backed by the final rays of daylight.

This must be the Imagination then, they think.

Janus tilts their head curiously, wondering why the Imagination had tugged so powerfully at their heart.

Whatever the reason though, they’re glad for it. There’s now a feeling in their chest that they never want to let go of—a feeling of warmth, of strength, of climbing to the top of a mountain alone and seeing the whole world at the bottom.

That feeling, combined with the way the fading sunlight leaves behind a land of darkness, is utterly and completely beautiful.

I look at you with such disdain

Janus watches silently as day finally gives way to night, not a single drop of sunlight left behind as the new moon takes over the sky.

The walls start breathing, my mind’s unweaving

There’s not a sound left in the tower Janus is standing in, and the silence is almost deafening in its pervasiveness.

Left with only their thoughts to occupy them, Janus’s mind drifts far, far from the tower—back to the ground, away from the Imagination, into a moment in time from earlier that day.

Maybe it’s best you leave me alone

And it’s all they can do to keep from screaming at the memory. It’s all they can do to tamp down the fire rising in their chest at the reminder that no one ever listens, that no one ever will.

Not unless something changes.

And something is going to change tonight. Janus can feel it. There’s a vibration that’s traveling through the air in time with the beating of their heart, and that means something.

They walk towards the window.

A weight is lifted on this evening

There’s a star falling from the heavens, and it’s shooting towards them. As it nears, the vibrations in the air grow louder, more rapid, more intense, and Janus can all but see the feelings of hate and frustration and inadequacy and pain flowing from them with each beat of their heart.

The star is moments away from colliding with Janus and the tower they’re in when they close their eyes, trusting that whatever’s happening now will be a catalyst for the something that’s going to change.

I give the final blow

The world goes white.

When darkness turns to light

Once the light seems to have faded enough, Janus opens their eyes one at a time to find that… nothing has changed. The tower is still as dark as it was before, the world outside of it just as empty.

It ends tonight, it ends tonight

They don’t feel any different, either. There’s no emotion gained, nothing missing, nothing that’s dislodged from where it’s buried in their heart.

Just a little insight won’t make this right

The only thing they know is that somehow, someway, it’s their turn to be listened to now. They will be heard.

It’s too late to fight, it ends tonight, it ends tonight

_________________________

Now I’m on my own side

“Virgil.”

Virgil blinks, turning in search of the voice. “Janus?” There’s something strange in his own voice, a deep note of fierceness and strength held in it. It feels powerful, and Virgil wonders if this is what Janus had felt all those years ago.

“I’m down here,” Janus calls, words almost lost to the storm.

“And what are you doing down there?” Virgil asks. He peers out of the window, elbows set on the ledge, chin resting in his hands.

“I came to find you.”

“You did?”

“I did, because I thought to myself, Virgil, that you couldn’t possibly be so stupid as to make the same mistakes I did. And yet,” they gesture to the tower before them, “here we are.”

Virgil straightens up, expression hardening. “That’s where you’re wrong, Deceit. I’m not making the same mistakes you did because I know where you failed.”

“And where is that, now?” Even this far away, Virgil can see their scornfully raised eyebrow.

He grins, all teeth and no warmth. Spinning on his heel, Virgil shuts his eyes and when they open, he’s standing in front of Deceit. Oh, he could get used to this.

“Well, you see,” Virgil says, “you gave up the power you gained in this tower because you were afraid of losing what you had and I, so very much unlike you, have nothing to lose.”

“That’s not true at all,” Deceit says, blinking in confusion.

“Isn’t it?”

“No, it’s truly not. You have Thomas—”

“The only thing I do for him is offer a sprinkling of useless protection, and even that he barely listens to. I’m tired of every worry I express being dismissed as an overreaction even when many of them so clearly aren’t.”

“—and the Light Sides—”

“Do you really think they care about me? All I’m good for in their eyes is doing my job, and even that only grants me shaky appreciation at best. Despite what they may say, I’m still the villain in their eyes and if I ever show so much as a hint of imperfection, they’ll never forgive me. You have no idea what they think.”

“—but you’re right. I can’t speak for them. The only person I can speak for is myself, and you’ll always have me.”

_________________________

It’s better than being on your side

“Janus?”

Janus blinks, searching for the source of the voice that had just spoken. “Virgil?” There’s something strange in their own voice, a certain smoothness and strength to it. It feels powerful, and Janus wonders if this is what that star had changed.

“I’m down here,” he says, and Janus makes their way to the window, peering out at their friend standing so far beneath them. “What is this place?” Virgil asks, squinting up at them.

“I’m not sure.” They wave their hand, and their surroundings shift from the inside of a stone tower to the open field outside of it. “Why are you here?”

“I could ask you the same question.” Virgil lets out a shaky laugh, clearly trying to mask his panic about something.

“Whatever’s the matter, dear?”

“Something feels wrong.”

Janus frowns. “Can you be more specific?”

“It’s just… not right. Off-balance? Does that make sense?”

“Not really, no.”

“Well, I think that’s what drew me here, that unbalanced feeling. It’s—” he shakes his head. “Did you do something?”

“I didn’t.”

“Did someone else, then? What happened?”

“I’m not entirely sure. I woke up in the tower, almost as if I’d walked there in a trance, and then a star fell from the sky.”

“A— sorry, what?”

“A star. A star fell from the sky.”

“No, no I heard what you said. I just didn’t think— did you mean literally?”

“I did, in fact.”

“What did it… do? The star?”

“It hit me.”

“It WHAT?”

“Not violently or with any particular malice, it just… flashed through the sky, through the window of the tower, then its light collided with me.”

Virgil blinks, a look of extraordinary confusion on his face. “You sound different. Is it just me or do you sound different?” he asks, dodging around the subject they’d been previously discussing.

“Hm, do you think so?”

“…Yes. That’s— that’s why I said it.”

“My voice does feel a bit… smoother than normal.”

“It’s not just that. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something else. It’s also more…”

“Powerful?” Janus suggests.

Virgil looks at them strangely. “…Yeah. Exactly that.”

“Interesting. It feels more powerful too.”

“Why? What did that star do?”

“Virgil, I told you, I don’t know what really happened—”

“Bullshit. I think you do.”

Janus sighs. “I am telling you the truth.”

“Really.” Virgil raises an eyebrow, a perfect portrait of skepticism.

“Yes, really.”

“Then take a wild fucking guess. You may not know what really happened, but I’m one thousand percent sure you have at least some idea.”

With another sigh, Janus says, “I felt… ignored today. Disregarded.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Virgil’s voice is sharp, and if Janus didn’t know better, they’d think he was angry.

They do know better though, and they know that voice means that Virgil is afraid. So very, very afraid.

So when Janus replies, “I’m getting there,” they do their very best to keep their voice soft. “That’s not the first time I’d felt like my words went unheeded, of course, but this time on top of my annoyance, I felt this… bitterness. Anger, almost, but more than that— it was also a desperate need to be heard. Then I woke up here, completely clueless as to what happened until I thought about that conversation again. When that need to be heard took over again—that’s when the star struck me.”

“So…?”

“So I think the star is giving me a chance to be heard.”

“…Right.”

“You’re the one who asked, Virgil.”

“D’you really think the Light Sides are going to listen to you just because your voice sounds different?”

“It’s more than just that, I think.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not sure, not yet, but I know they’re going to listen to me once I figure it out.”

“You don’t need their approval, you know.”

“This isn’t for them, it’s for Thomas. He’s the one that needs to listen to me, and he needs to listen because I’m right. When he doesn’t, he gets hurt. I don’t want that for him.” Janus’s voice changes even more as they say that, turning from merely smooth to pure silk, a cloying charm to their words.

“What— what’s going on?”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Your voice, it— it feels wrong. It’s too—” Anxiety screws up his face in what looks almost like disgust and shakes his head. “It makes you sound like… not yourself. You’re scaring me.”

“I assure you, darling, I’m still perfectly myself. There’s no need to be afraid.”

“I know, but— look, I know that you’re not going to do anything to hurt me and that I have no reason to be anxious about this, but something still feels wrong and I don’t want it to be you but I think it might be and I don’t want to lose you but you’re changing and something’s so very not right and—”

“Shh, it’s alright.” Janus keeps their voice low and steady, stepping closer to Anxiety. “Can I touch you?”

At his nod, they step closer and brush a lock of hair behind his ear before placing both hands on his shoulders and rubbing their thumbs back and forth in a soothing motion. “Calm down, Virgil. I’m not going anywhere.” Janus’s words cause the tension to immediately drain from Virgil’s whole body, leaving him relaxed in a way he so rarely is.

“I know.”

“Good.” Janus’s hands drop from Anxiety’s newly loosened shoulders, one drifting towards his face and the other falling away entirely. “I promise,” they whisper, drawing Anxiety’s head towards their own and resting his forehead against theirs, “you’ll always have me.”

_________________________

It’s my fault when you’re blind

“No, I won’t. You’ve proved that to me.”

“I— no. That was—”

“A mistake?”

“Yes.”

“Pretty fucking terrible mistake, then.”

“I’m aware, Virgil.”

“So how am I supposed to know history won’t repeat itself?”

“You’ll just have to trust me, I suppose.”

“Fat chance.”

“Virgil, believe me when I tell you that this is a terrible decision that you’re about to make. If you let go, I promise everything will feel right again.”

“Did it feel right for you?”

“Not at first, but—”

“Yeah, see, that does the opposite of convince me.”

“—but that was because I’d just lost you. And I don’t ever want that to happen again.”

_________________________

It’s better that I see it through your eyes

“What happened today?”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“You’ve been gone since before I woke up and Thomas’s anxiety is through the roof. What did you do?”

“Nothing at all, my dear Virgil. I simply illustrated to Thomas that he has a greater capacity for lying than he may be willing to admit.”

“You’re hurting him, Janus.”

“I’m helping him.”

“He can’t only listen to you, that’s… that’s not healthy. If he only ever heard what you wanted him to—”

“He’d be better off. My one aim is to protect him, and I’m the only one who seems to be capable of doing just that.”

“What about me?”

“What about you?”

“I protect him too, you know.”

“Sure you do, darling, but you protect him by scaring him. I protect him by allowing him to put himself first, to do things he’d otherwise be convinced to not do—to never do—by the Light Sides.”

“He doesn’t do those things for a reason though!”

“Not a very good one, last I checked.”

“No, it definitely is. He can’t just—” Anxiety pauses to take a breath. “You know what, that doesn’t matter right now. My point is: you can’t be the only one who holds sway over Thomas and his choices.”

“I’m afraid I can, actually. That’s the whole point of this newfound power I’ve been granted.”

“Then give it up.”

“And what, go back to being ignored when Thomas needs me? Now, why would I do that?”

“I— I don’t know. But you’re… different now. You aren’t Janus anymore.”

“Don’t be silly, of course I’m still Janus. What is that even supposed to mean?”

“Like… you are Janus, but you’re not the Janus I know. You’re… different, and I don’t like it.”

“Oh dear, I’m so very sorry that I can’t cater to your every desire, Anxiety.”

“Stop. Whatever that was… stop it.”

“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about. This is me, whether you like it or not.”

“Then I’m leaving.”

“Sorry— What? Oh, absolutely not, darling. You can’t do that.”

“I can, actually, and I will. Take all the control you want, but I want nothing to do with you.”

“Fine.”

“Fine? I thought I’d ‘always have you,’ or was that complete bullshit made up just to placate me? So you could use me as a stepping stone? Did you just want someone you could pretend to be friends with until you got what you wanted?”

“Maybe I did.”

“You’re a fucking asshole, Janus.”

“How very sweet of you to think so.”

“You’ll come back to your senses one day. You have to. And when you do, you’re going to regret this with your entire being. I know you really did love me before you got all… like this. You’re making a mistake.”

“On the contrary, I think losing you will be the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“And I know it will be the worst.”

_________________________

All these thoughts locked inside

“You sure aren’t doing a great job of showing that.”

“Believe me, I’m trying.”

“What if that’s not good enough?”

“Then… it isn’t. No matter how many times I tell you I regret the decision I made more than anything I’ve ever done in my life, I can’t— I can’t make you do anything. But Virgil, I just— just—”

“You just what?”

“I miss you.”

_________________________

Now you’re the first to know

There’s a darkness lifting from their heart, a feeling they can’t explain, a feeling that’s falling away, fading into nothing at all, allowing them to breathe, breathe, breathe.

Janus can breathe. Thank god, they can breathe.

But at what cost will they continue to breathe freely? What pain will each rise and fall of their chest bring as they remember what they did, what they said, how they failed, who they hurt—

Virgil.

They need to find Virgil. They need to get Virgil back. They can’t lose him, and they’d made a promise to him, a promise that they had broken, a promise that’s now been cracked in so many places and shattered into so many pieces. No matter what the cost, they have to mend it.

They still know the way to Virgil’s room, of course they do. Everything else may be twisted and wrong, but this, at least, is right. Janus knocks on his door. “Virgil?”

It’s thrown open. “Janus?” Virgil stands there, staring. “The fuck are you doing here?”

“I came to—”

“Fucking what, apologize? I think it’s just a bit late for that, don’t you?”

“I—”

“Yeah, I think so too.”

“Virgil—”

“No. You don’t get closure. You don’t get a happy ending. Were you hoping for even more than that? Did you want forgiveness? Love, even? Well, whatever it is, I don’t care. And whatever it is, you don’t get it. I warned you that you were fucking up, but did you listen? No. So why should I listen to you now?”

“I miss you.”

“That’s rich,” Virgil says. The door slams in Janus’s face.

Janus rests their head against the slammed door, eyes shut as though that will block out the memory of their mistakes. They take a deep breath, and it takes everything in them to stop the tears from falling.

Virgil had been right. He’d been right from the very beginning. Losing Virgil is so, so far from ‘the best thing to ever happen to them,’ and reminding themself of this only serves to make their heart ache even more.

“I miss you.” Janus whispers the words to Virgil, to the universe, to anyone who will listen, but the only response they’re given is silence. There’s no one left for them at all.

_________________________

When darkness turns to light

“I miss you,” Deceit repeats, and Virgil remembers.

It ends tonight, it ends tonight

He remembers everything.

The fear he’d felt upon hearing the cold purr in Deceit’s voice that first day.

The horror he’d experienced when he’d found out that Thomas’s sudden spike in anxiety had been because of them.

The anger he’d felt when they’d refused to listen to reason.

And the pain. Most of all, Virgil remembers the pain.

Virgil remembers when he’d first heard that new voice of theirs, when he’d finally accepted that they were changing—for better or for worse, when they’d started to ignore him in favor of focusing every bit of their energy into getting Thomas to do exactly what they wanted and nothing else, never anything else, when they’d started to become cruel, sadistic, apathetic to everything but their own desires, when they’d said losing him would be the best thing that would ever happen to them—

Every change, every word, every moment he remembers brings on a little bit more heartbreak.

Just a little insight won’t make this right

That heartbreak is almost enough to snap him out of his fervor.

Almost.

Despite it all, despite those memories, Virgil still can’t help but want to be heard, to be listened to, to have the influence that Janus had possessed, even if it would only last for the blink of an eye.

He wants that more than anything, and he wants it with all his heart.

But he’s still forgotten something.

It’s too late to fight, it ends tonight

“I miss you,” Deceit’s words echo in his mind, and Virgil remembers more.

The fear on Deceit’s face after they’d knocked on his door.

The horror in their voice as they’d slowly realized he wasn’t going to forgive them.

Their anger at themself for fucking up so horribly.

And the pain. Most of all, Virgil remembers their pain.

Virgil remembers when their voice had cracked, just slightly, when they’d looked at him with barely contained tears in their eyes, when they’d clutched at their heart as though it was being ripped in two, when desperation had seeped into every word they spoke—

Every word, every action, every glare he’d given Deceit—Virgil is consumed by the memory of it all bringing another layer of heartbreak to their features.

And when they’d said that they had—

Missed him.

When they’d said that they had missed him, that was the worst of all.

Their face looks exactly the same now as it had then.

It ends, when darkness turns to light

Virgil blinks. Blinks again.

There’s a darkness lifting from his heart, a feeling he can’t explain, a feeling that’s falling away, fading into nothing at all, allowing him to breathe, breathe, breathe.

“De— Janus?”

It ends tonight, it ends tonight

“Virgil,” Janus replies, reaching out a hand. “I’m here, right here.”

Just a little insight won’t make this right

Virgil grips it like a lifeline. “Thank you.”

It’s too late to fight, it ends tonight

“I couldn’t let you make the same mistakes I did. And I— I couldn’t handle even the thought of losing you again.”

“Janus, I—”

“I know. And it’s alright. Everything is alright.”

It ends tonight

“I’m sorry.”

“I am too.”

Tonight

Virgil lets go of Janus’s hand in favor of wrapping his arms around them. They hold each other tight, years and years of time to make up in this one moment. The seconds tick past as they remember how they’d felt when the world was wrong—when they were wrong, both of them—and they forgive each other.

When darkness turns to light

“I missed you,” they say in unison, and the world feels right again.

It ends tonight

_________________________

find other stuff i’ve written under #writings from the stars

[21silverlinings]

My words, they resonate like gospel, Promises treasured, kept close and deep. My body, a vessel for the words within, Voice belting truths I've sworn to keep.

Yet, when greeted with smiles that hide deceit, Hatred cloaked in friendliness so sweet, To a woman in search of kindred spirits, It always feels just beyond my grasp; out of limits.

nb

[nb-sides]

Hi!! If its alright, whats everyone's sexualities/romances?

Hii!! I'd be glad to answer!

Patton - asexual panromantic

Logan - AroAce

Roman - gay for men and nbs

Virgil - pansexual

Dee - bisexual quiromantic