#nathaniel hagan

[laf-outloud]

@larryteng

This is a fantastic reel! I love Larry for sharing it, but kind of hate him for prolonging the pain (though I have a feeling this one's going to hurt for a long time).

[loisfreakinglane]

Katie Findlay and Mark Sheppard in WALKER: INDEPENDENCE || 1.10 “All In”

[walker-extended-universe]

Happy Fathers Day from the Walkerverse

Honorable mention to our resident bio dads who never met their kids-

[thatonemarksheppardfan]

Hagan, Walker Independence, S1-E4 "Pax Romana"

[idledreams4]

I love Hagan smmm

Wish he had more screen time :(

I don't know how that would have worked with the plot, but like I want to see more of him 😅

[selfless-desires]

UPDATED CHARACTER LIST ,

decided to make a seperate post for all the character I write / would be interested in writing from different fandoms since there are a LOT and updating carrds take some time ... this document will be updated whenever needed . always open to new prompts being sent my way , and my DMs are open for questions or further discussions when it comes to threads / replies / characters ! some of these characters may be used as crossovers, such as the Stranger Things / Texas Chainsaw Massacre appearing in the realms of Dead by Daylight (ask if interested) . COLOR / SYMBOL MEANINGS , red : primary muse (experienced) blue : secondary muse (have some experience) black : new (never wrote them before) ★ : eager to write / in the mood ☆ : kinda in the mood / willing

STRANGER THINGS , ➳ Steve Harrington - ★ ➳ Eddie Munson - ☆ ➳ Billy Hargrove ➳ Jonathan Byers ➳ Nancy Wheeler ��� Tommy Hagan ➳ Jason Carver - ☆ ➳ Demogorgon - ☆ ➳ Henry Creel (Vecna)

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE , ➳ Leland (River) McKinney - ☆ ➳ Johnny Slaughter - ☆ ➳ Connie Taylor ➳ Sonny Williams ➳ Danny Gaines ➳ Sissy Slaughter ➳ Bubba Sawyer

DEAD BY DAYLIGHT , ➳ Frank Morrison (Legion) - ★ ➳ Danny Johnson (Ghostface) - ★ ➳ Ji-woon Hak (Trickster) ➳ Evan MacMillan (Trapper) - ☆ ➳ Philip Ojomo (Wraith) ➳ Feng Min ➳ Jake Park - ☆ ➳ Renato Lyra - ☆

OVERWATCH , ➳ Lúcio Correia dos Santos - ★ ➳ Ramattra - ★ ➳ Hana Song (D.Va) - ★ ➳ John Francis "Jack" Morrison (Soldier 76) ➳ Sloan Cameron (Venture) - ☆ ➳ Jean-Baptiste Augustin (Baptiste) - ★ ➳ Niran PruksaManee (Lifeweaver) - ☆ ➳ Mauga Malosi - ☆ ➳ Kiriko Kamori ➳ Hanzo Shimada ➳ Genji Shimada ➳ Cole Cassidy ➳ Bastion

RESIDENT EVIL , ➳ Leon Scott Kennedy - ☆ ➳ Carlos Oliveira ➳ HUNK

DETROIT BECOME HUMAN , ➳ Connor RK800 ➳ Hank Anderson ➳ Marcus RK200 ➳ Gavin Reed ➳ Elijah Kamski ➳ 'Nines' RK900

OTHER FANDOMS , ➳ Michael Munroe (Until Dawn) ➳ Matthew Taylor (Until Dawn) ➳ Montgomery Gator (FNAF) ➳ Foxy (FNAF) ➳ Crewmate (Lethal Company) - ☆ ➳ Bracken (Lethal Company)

ORIGINAL CHARACTERS , ➳ Richard Collins (TCM/ST/DBD) ➳ Nathaniel Brooke Collins (TCM/ST/DBD) ➳ Tyler Moore (ST/DBD)

. . .

[cubn-bfc]

Fans of Mark Sheppard-

Great news for the SPN+ 2023… Mark Sheppard Is joining the tour!

Mark Sheppard (“Crowley” in Supernatural and “Nathaniel Hagan” in Walker: Independence) is hitting the road ahead in select cities on the Salute to Supernatural and More 2023 Tour.

Mark will be appearing at these 2023 shows: Atlanta (March 3-5), New Orleans (March 31-April 2), Charlotte (August 18-20), Minneapolis (Sept. 8-10) & Jacksonville (Nov. 3-5).

He’ll be appearing on Sunday, taking photos and signing in-person autographs for those with his a la carte tickets.

Check out all the great SPN+ conventions and join us for a most excellent hunt at your favorite destination!

Tickets are on sale tomorrow — we’ll send out an e-blast when they’re on sale, so make sure you’re signed up for our mailing list!

https://www.creationent.com/email.htm

[ratemysheppard]

Are you going to do a review on Mark's role as Nathaniel Hagan in Walker: Independence?

Yep! I'm currently watching it now and compiling my notes!

[daddycest-hub]

NO PROB/RUSH! :) No naughty feelings for Nathaniel Hagan? Same actor as Crowley! ;) What did you think of my words: Emily x Daughter? ;) Any Sinful Sparks in ur Beautiful Brain? ;) Gotta go now :( Talk more later? :) ;)

I know Hagan is Mark Sheppard but he just has different vibes from Crowley, you know?

Emily x Daughter has sparked something in me for sure! Perhaps watching her little girl grow up has Emily feeling a little possessive? ;)

[crystaldragonette]

ANYONE AND EVERYONE

JUST SEND AN ASK!♡♡♡

Imma do short stories, all you have to do is pick characters from this list, then pick an emoji and/or theme word. I'll type it up! Trying to get rid of writer's block.

RULES

NO NSFW

NO GORE

VOLTRON

NO HORROR

STRANGER THINGS

Steve Harrington

Robin Buckley

Eddie Munson

Wayne Munson

Dustin Henderson

Nancy Wheeler

Mike Wheeler

Ted Wheeler

Karen Wheeler

Holly Wheeler

Lucas Sinclair

Erica Sinclair

Sue Sinclair

Charles Sinclair

Max Mayfield

Susan Mayfield

Neil Hargrove

Billy Hargrove

Jim Hopper

Eleven/Jane

Joyce Byers

Jonathan Byers

Will Byers

Keith

Tommy Hagan

Carol

Chrissy Cunningham

Gareth

Jeff

Grant (unnamed freak)

Benny

Brenner

Sam Owens

Steve's Mother (I've named her Patricia)

Steve's Father (I've named him Richard)

Lance

Altean Lance

Hunk

Pidge (Katie Holt)

Matt Holt

Sam Holt

Colleen Holt

Shiro

Kuro

Kuron

Sven

Slav ( First dimension, Crazy)

Slav (Second dimension, Crazy but actually does field work)

Keith

Galra Keith

Princess Allura

Coran

King Alfor

Emperor Zarkon

Haggar

Kova (Haggar's alien cat)

Lotor

Sendak

Acxa

Ezor

Narti

Zethrid

Kolivan

Blaytz

Thace

Ulaz

Trigel

Gyrgan

Keith's Father

Space Mice

Space Caterpillar

Laika (Yupper, Basically a really really big alien that acts like a dog)

Commander Iverson

Sal

Rax

Shay

Plaxum

Ryner

Rover (small pyramid flying Galra robot that Pidge reprogrammed to help her)

Beezer (Robot)

Rolo

Nyma

Throk

Anok

Xiavon (an bird reptilian alien OC that is basically a father figure and was a prisoner with Lance in a story I wrote)

Curtis

Adam

DANNY PHANTOM

Danny Phantom

Samantha "Sam" Manson

Tucker Foley

"Jazz" Fenton

Jack and Madeline "Maddie" Fenton

Box Ghost

Dark Danny

Desiree

Ember McLain

Fright Knight

Ghost Writer

Johnny 13 & Shadow

Kitty

Pariah Dark

Skulker

Nicolai Technus

Vlad Masters / Vlad Plasmius

Walker

Valerie Gray

Clockwork

Danielle "Dani" Phantom

Cujo

Wulf

GRAVITY FALLS

Dipper Pines

Mabel Pines

Grunkle Stan

Jesus Alzamirano "Soos" Ramirez

Wendy Corduroy

Stanford Filbrick "Ford" Pines

Waddles

Candy Chiu

Grenda Grendinator

Fiddleford Hadron "Old Man" McGucket

Sheriff Blubs

Deputy Durland

Bill Cipher

Gideon Charles Gleeful / "Li'l Gideon"

Pacifica Elise Northwest

Robert Stacey "Robbie" Valentino

OBEY ME

Lucifer

Mammon

Leviathan

Satan

Asmodeus

Beelzebub

Belphegor

Diavolo

Barbatos

Simeon

Luke

POKEMON

Trainer Red

Trainer Blue

Trainer Green

Trainer Ethan/Gold

Rival Silver

Train Lyra

POKÉMON LEGENDS ARCEUS

Akari

Rei

Volo

Adaman

Irida

Ingo

POKÉMON SWORD & SHIELD

Piers

Leon

Raihan

Marnie

Peony

Victor

Gloria

Of course most of the pokémon as well

MY HERO ACADEMIA

Nezu

Recovery Girl

Tomura Shigaraki/Tenko Shimura

Dabi/Touya Todoroki

Himiko Toga

Jin Bubaigawara/ Twice

Spinner

Mr. Compress

Magne

Kurogiri

All for One

Aizawa Shouta/Eraserhead

Toshinori Yagi/All Might

Hizashi Yamada/Present Mic

Nemuri Kayama/Midnight

Snipe

Yuga Aoyama

Mina Ashido

Tsuyu Asui

Tenya Iida

Ochaco Uraraka

Mashirao Ojiro

Denki Kaminari

Eijiro Kirishima

Koji Koda

Rikido Sato

Mezo Shoji

Kyoka Jiro

Hanta Sero

Fumikage Tokoyami

Shoto Todoroki

Toru Hagakure

Katsuki Bakugo

Izuku Midoriya

Minoru Mineta

Momo Yaoyorozu

Itsuka Kendo

Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

Neito Monoma

Mirio Togata

Nejire Hado

Tamaki Amajiki

Hitoshi Shinso

Mei Hatsume

Emi Fukukado/ Mrs. Joke

Yo Shindo

Inasa Yoarashi

Camie Utsushimi

Enji Todoroki/ Endeavor

Keigo Takami/Hawks

Kugo Sakamata/ Gang Orca

Taishiro Toyomitsu/Fat Gum

Kai Chisaki/ Overhaul

Hari Kurono/ Chrono/ Chronostasis

Naomasa Tsukauchi

Eri

Oboro Shirakumo/ Loud Cloud

Masura Bakugou

Mitsuki Bakugou

Inko Midoriya

Hisashi Midoriya

MIRACULOUS LADYBUG

Marinette

Adrien

Nino

Alya

Luka

Juleka

Rose

Lila

Ivan

Cloe

Sabrina

Nathaniel

Marc

Jagged Stone

Penny

Lê Chiến Kim

Alix

Max

Kagami

Mylène

Felix (but like original concept for Chat Felix, not canon gremlin Felix)

ANIMAL CROSSING

Redd

Tom

Timmy

Tommy

ZELDA

OOT Link

Malon

OOT Zelda

BOTW Link

BOTW Zelda

Sidon

Yunobo

Riju

Teba

Kass

Beetle

Urbosa

Mipha

Revali

Daruk

LINKED UNIVERSE

Time

Twilight

Sky

Warriors

Wind

Legend

Four

Wild

Hyrule

INVADER ZIM

Zim

Gir

Dib

[laf-outloud]

In case you missed it, Walker: Independence is now available on DVD through Amazon US and Amazon UK! (Sorry, Canada, I haven't seen it listed yet.)

I just got my purchase and can't wait to dive in!

[loisfreakinglane]

Katie Findlay and Mark Sheppard in WALKER: INDEPENDENCE || 1.10 “All In”

[walker-extended-universe]

Also that is DEFINITELY a new shot of Hagan. Looks like he and Kate are getting some closure maybe?

[thatonemarksheppardfan]

Nathaniel Hagan || S1E4 'Pax Romana'

[noaaaahblack]

Deja que fluya.

Alerta este fanfic (aquí un one shot) pertenece a una novela llamada The True Life que estoy escribiendo y, en concreto, este escrito contiene consumo de sustancias ilegales y nocivas. No se pretende incentivar su consumo es un relato ficticio. Si eres sensible a este contenido no leas.

.

Cualquiera hubiero perdido la cabeza por él.

.

 Se sienta a mi lado en el sofá, visiblemente incómodo, su posición corporal denota que algo no le ha gustado, se nota como se retrae e intenta iniciar un contacto, a pesar de que lo estoy mirando de reojo, no me ve prestándole atención, revolviéndose y mirando a todos lados para finalmente a mí.

Al principio te lo tomas como divertido, incluso quizás adorable viniendo de quien viene, pero al cabo de un rato... No mola.

Sin avances por su parte, tomo el timón de este barco que se hunde, para intentar salvarlo, y paro la serie que estaba viendo. Giro mi cabeza, hacia él, para enfrentarle.

-       ¿Qué pasa? ¿Todo bien? ¿Quieres que pongamos otra cosa?

Pregunto.

En su silencio, aprovecho para seguir fumando, me había enganchado tanto a la serie que se me había olvidado que me había hecho un porro. Enciendo otra vez el porro dando una calada, sabiendo que le molestaba el humo, lo suelto hacia el lado evitando que le de en toda la cara.

Permanece mirándome pero aun titubea.

-       Eh… ¿hay alguien ahí?- intento captar su atención, un poco preocupada por las posibilidades de su silencio. - He usado mi netflix, bueno, no es mío, pero tengo un perfil y lo uso. Así que tranqui, no te he robado netflix. Y no he encendido las luces como quedamos y bueno, las ventanas están abiertas y las cortinas echadas. No me han visto entrar.

Niega con la cabeza, soltando un suspiro.

-       No es eso, pero vale.

-       ¿Entonces? Tío, es que parece que vas a matarme, me estás dando mal rollo. ¿Qué pasa?

Un nuevo suspiro le sigue y sus gestos comienzan a ser nerviosos y llenos de duda, empieza a jugar con los piercings de sus orejas, evitando el contacto visual, alejándose pero acercándose.

-       A ver… dímeeelooo- digo amistosa.

Me mira a los ojos, por fin, pero veo que aunque quiere arrancar aun le cuesta.

Le animo con una mirada tranquilizadora y por fin, lanza su pregunta.

-       ¿Estamos… bien?

Debo reconocer que oir eso de repente, me descoloca.

Incapaz de enfrentarme a eso de inmediato, me dejo caer contra el sofá, incorporandome en el sofá para quedarme totalmente frente a frente mirándolo.

Sus ojos continuaban fijos en mí, atento a mis movimientos.

Aprovecho la tensión del momento para ponerme cómoda para la conversación que llevaba.

Tome el mechero, el cenicero y acomode la postura, volviendo a encender el porro, doy una calada profunda, cuidando de soltar el humo lejos de él.

Cuando siento que he terminado, procedo.

-       ¿Por qué no lo estaríamos?- pregunto, cautelosa. -¿Hay algo que deba saber? ¿Pasó algo que deba preocuparme?

-       Bueno… nos… besamos…

Doy otra calada, como si me ayudase a meditar.

Vale, no quiero lanzarme cuando no estoy segura de mis posibilidades. Estoy dispuesta tanto a dejarme llevar como a frenar en seco, ahora mismo no tengo una preferencia sincera, me convenían ambas en distintos sentidos.

Además solo fueron unos besitos tontos que se dieron por el calor del momento...

Si era que no, me salvaría de las cosas malas que nos repercutirían a ambos de esta relación tan poco legal y si era que sí me lanzaría sin pensarlo.

Podíamos ser amigos de las dos, eso era lo minimo que aceptaría en estas condiciones.

Con otra calada, le devuelvo el golpe.

-       ¿Y qué pasa?

-       Bueno, nosotros pusimos límites y…

Oh, ya, los famosos límites de este nuestro chantaje.

Por mucho que creo que hay reglas que no pueden romperse, ciertos límites están hechos para ello y justo estos son los primeros que ya rompes antes de darte cuenta.

Doy otra calada y suelto el humo, casi podría reirme en estos momentos.

-       ¿Pero eso supone algo que deberíamos hablar para ti, no?- pregunto, le veo tirarse de la misma forma en el sofá que yo, mostrándo con su postura lo abierto a la comunicación que estaba, relajado por primera vez desde que comenzamos a hablar. -Los límites se van poniendo conforme avanzan las cosas, de forma natural. Quiero decir establecer todo el rato reglas impide que se hagan relaciones “normales”. Y ten en cuenta que dijimos muchas cosas, Nathaniel, muchas-

Sonrio, pensando en la primera regla de involucrarnos en lo más mínimo, regla que rompimos un día después de ponerla.

De nuevo, las ganas de reirme me superan, pero solo niego con la cabeza, intentando refrenarlas dando otra calada.

-       Pero creo que ya rompimos muchas, muchas como para preocuparnos por otra más de una forma más especial, ¿no? ¿O estás diciendo que algo implica que esto si tiene importancia?

-       Pero fue un beso.

Replica y una sensación de un hormigueo comienza a picarme en el estómago.

-       ¿Y eso supone algo para ti?- tengo la osadía de preguntar.

Se queda callado, pero la pregunta aun flota suspendida entre nosotros.

Duda, y me doy cuenta de que no puede responder en voz alta, de la misma forma que yo no puedo.

Intentando navegar en otra dirección, decido jugar un poco para amenizarlo.

Ninguno de los dos optamos por una probabilidad que esta en un cincuenta-cincuenta, no queremos arriesgar, no queremos perder.

Así que es mejor dejarse llevar.

-       ¿Tú? ¿El seductor de las nenas estás temblando por un besito?

-       ¿Besito? Eso no era para nada un besito, casi me devoras.

Siempre pica, a Nathaniel le encanta que le pique, que le desafíe, que no me contenga con él, el juego de pinchar que tan divertido es.

-       ¿Ah?- con indignación fingida, replico, terminando con una sonrisa cargadita de prepotencia. -¿Lo dice el que saltó y me derribó en el sofá, completamente desesperado?- mi defensa es buena, ambos sabemos que eso fue lo que pasó aunque lo niegue. - Me adapté a tu ritmo, bebé.

Me sonríe, divertido, la tensión sigue presente, pero nos mantenemos firmes ante ella.

Dudando un poco, se desliza un poco más cerca de mí, tranquilo y sereno, acortando distancias.

Su tono de voz baja.

-       Sabes en lo que estoy metido y aunque no has salido espantada es una realidad y…

-       Bueno, tengo amigos peores también te lo digo. Y no creo que esto sea algo que tengas que asumir solo, sobre todo si tus intenciones son buenas, guardarte cosas solo te come por dentro. Puedo ayudar aunque solo sea escuchándote y dialogando.

El tinte oscuro que tiene nuestra conversación nos devuelve a la realidad del lado oscuro, todo iba tan bien que no pensé en la tormenta que destruía el barco siempre que navegábamos.

-       ¿Por eso en lo que estás metida tú?

-       Bueno, tengo lo mío- murmuro. - Te sorprenderías.

Doy una calada y me termino el porro, el terreno pantanoso en el que intenta meterse no va a salir hoy. No vamos a desviar el tema así, a él no le afectarían mis asuntos.

-       Pero no hablemos de mí, yo no tengo un problema real con esa situación y sí, quiero escuchar lo que tienes que decir.

Le miro fijamente, intentando leerle, esta esperando algo, cualquier cosa que diga que solucione las condiciones climatológicas, algo que escapa a mi control.

Yo solo puedo intentar salvar el barco, nada más.

- No me importa que lleguemos a un punto y lo esclarezcamos, si soy sincera me parece bien. Así que, tú dirás. ¿Qué me quieres decir con todo esto?

Suspira.

Y para colmo, mientras dejo el cenicero en la mesita, el me rueda los ojos, con un deje de diversión y disconformidad.

Como si le frustrará todo en general.

-       Tú tan directa.

-       Prefiero que nos dejemos de vueltas, al final, es lo que es, ¿no?

-       Tienes razón, ¿pero qué piensas tú?

Por desgracia, me hace la pregunta, cediendo el turno de nuevo.

No va a tomar una decisión sin escucharme decir lo que quiero, está de la misma forma que yo, y como quiere hablarlo, seguir retrasándolo hará que al final no lo hablemos, se malentiendan cosas o dejemos de llevarnos bien.

No quiero responder a esta pregunta.

Intentando hacer tiempo, intento ponerme lo más cómoda posible para ir de cara con esta pregunta.

Me descalzo, me recoloco para sentarme mirando hacia el en pose indio, me ato el pelo en un moño que queda bastante deshecho y dejo todo lo que tengo encima lejos.

Cuando termino de colocarme, le miro.

No he tardado mucho, pero en momentos como estes la tensión de la espera lo hacen mucho más dramático y lento.

Casi una tortura si te da miedo lo que puedan decirte, asi que, me lanzo a la piscina, sincera y clara. Abarcando las opciones que creo ver.

-       Porque me obligas a decir lo que quiero…-

Pero primero las quejas.

Me encojo en el sofá doblando las piernas y rodeandolas en un abrazo, como si crease un muro de contención.

Un escudo que me protegiese, aun no sabía de qué, pero me cubría las espaldas ante cualquier respuesta.

- No lo sé, Nath, no lo sé, me parecen bien las dos, solo quiero saber si tengo que echar freno o puedo dejarme llevar, quiero saber cual es tu límite porque yo no tengo un límite marcado con esto ahora mismo.

Esta atento, esperando a que termine mi oratoria, pero ya que me ha condenado a hablar a mí, voy a soltarlo todo.

- Si me dices que lo ponga, puedo hacerlo. Sobre todo ahora, que es el principio. Lo único que pido es que podamos llevarnos bien pase lo que pase, como lo mínimo.

-       ¿Me estás pidiendo salir?

Su sonrisa pícara y burlona inunda su rostro, el buen humor le ronda y ruedo los ojos un poco frustrada porque se burle cuando acabo de ser sincera.

Sin embargo, la respuesta positiva me pone los sentidos alerta ante la posibilidad que acababa de elegir con mi discurso.

Decido no pensar más y me centro en él, con una sonrisa.

-       Te estoy diciendo que hay una tensión sexual entre nosotros que flipas y sería ridícula si te dijese que no me mola tu rollo, porque es mentira. Y también te estoy diciendo que puedo cortar sin ningún problema esa tensión para disolverla y anularla por completo.

Sonríe más.

Orgulloso, halagado y con ese retitín tan de ligoncete tonto y elocuente que te mueres por rechazar pero que te gusta demasiado.

Se acerca a mí, invadiendo un poco más mi espacio personal, pronto no existirá una separación entre nuestros cuerpos.

Se inclina, por encima de la barrera que construí con mis piernas, mientras el brillo seductor de sus ojos me deslumbra y me invita a probar un pecado esta noche.

Creo que estoy empezando a sensibilizarme ante esa mirada.

-       Tensión sexual, ¿eh?- divertido, atrevido, seguro, sexy.

-       Oh, vamos, ¡capullo! ¡Por eso no quería decírtelo!-

-       No… no…

Mantengo el tipo como puedo, pero él siempre se las arregla para sorprenderme, acompañando sus no con una negación con la cabeza, nuestros cuerpos se separan y se incorpora para sentarse frente a mi, incitándome con esos ojos pícaros a bajar mis defensas.

Nuestros rostros están cerca, pero mantiene una distancia prudencial que, si dura mucho tiempo, va a ponerme nerviosa y ansiosa.

-       Yo… me muero por besarte, así que… creo que lo he dicho todo.

Está vez, sin poder evitarlo, dejo que se me escape una sonrisa, casi por primera vez desde que iniciamos la conversación.

Él muy idiota.

Bajo las piernas instantáneamente y le doy un golpe amistoso, en el estómago, guiada por mis sentimientos.

La sorpresa se muestra en su rostro, pero conforme comienzo a hablar, su sonrisa va creciendo peligrosa en sus labios, todavía más llena de una sensación de victoria y recochineo.

-       ¿Y lías todo esto para besarme? ¡Que rastrero eres!

Su risa aterciopelada inunda la habitación y se lanza a sujetar mis manos cuando intento darle más golpes.

Y nos quedamos ahí,

En silencio.

El uno frente al otrofrente, con los ojos clavados entre la penumbra de un salón iluminado por las ventanas y la televisión, siendo acariciados por la brisa de la noche mientras nos congelábamos en nuestro contacto.

El silencio era nuestro preludio.

El preludio que sucedía a lo que de verdad importaba...

Y como si el autocontrol desapareciese en medio de la calma, nos dejamos llevar sin siquiera pararnos a pensar.

Dedicados a habernos odiado pasamos a anhelarnos, sin pensar en lo que saldría mal...

Y joder...

Que beso.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Ive always liked Alex we always seemed to grow up together from NYC to Texas to Oklahoma he always seemed to be around

And he was usually pretty nice.

Even if he got on my nerve he always seemed to get me to like him, he's quite easy to talk to with a nice personality

So, he wanted pets and as long as he's not abusive to them then I told him he could. He, too was privileged to be asked what he wanted.

So in his next room he has fish, bunny, hamster, bathroom and a real bed and fluffy pillows.

He said "just a prison room and all the animals that can fit" and he asked for a pony. I was like dude no that's too much. Maybe a stuffed one.

In Jr high his dad was pretty abusive so he stayed at my goose often. I had bunk beds but he would fall asleep in the floor then climb up into his own bed. Or say "dad I'm cold" and shiver in the floor... And not get up. I learned to get up off the opposite end of the bed and turn on the light and tell him to open his eyes and shake his foot otherwise he would grab mu leg and try to fight me while he was asleep. Then i would pull him a blanket down and cover him he would ask me "who are you?"

Id tell him "im your friend from school"

Sometimes he would tell me he didnt go to school or say "school I miss that place" and/or ask if i kidnapped him

I learned to tell him i did kidnap him otherwise he would sleep walk all over and I would find him in the pagan's yard asleep or some other random place in the morning.

Cause in his mind he thought "if I'm not kidnapped I'm free to leave"

And he was but not while sleeping.

And so if i had to tell him he was kidnapped he would ask if he could eat. I learned to tell him, "in the morning" otherwise I would make food he wouldn't eat or he would sleep cook and I would hear him choking and coughing.

Usually we played 20 questions. Sometimes I pretended to be asleep and he would climb in my bed like a little kid "I said who are you?!?!?"

Eventually i learned to say "Sabrina, you're safe for tonight, all the doors and windows are closed and locked, you're free to sleep in the house right where you are" then he would snore deeply until morning.

Sometimes he just showed up at my door, looking like some kind of wreck. "I just need a place to sleep. I don't eat"

But I would make him food and he would eat like he hadn't in days.

Just one of them ruffian kids that wouldn't make you feel sorry for him, you just did.

Whenever I looked at him in Oklahoma somehow he just made me cry. I didn't even remember him and we rarely talked he lived at this party house I sometimes went to down the street from my grammas.

He went down to Lawton a lot. That's where a lot of us got our weed. They all said that was where he was from.

Lawton was a distribution center for Mexican red hair from what I heard. That was all I smoked. Sometimes we had yellow hair...

One time me and Steph drove him to OKC to catch a bus because the fare was cheaper and he didn't have a car. He went to Lawton to "check on stuff"

He wasn't always rich or a jerk.

He is just who he is

So he has a phone now so his live feed will be turned off

As it was explained they only have live feeds for their loved ones because they don't have a phone with internet. He has a Galaxy 9 Note. So its a lot bigger than the others and what he had before. He had requested a large phone and computer as well. And a desk and its in his other room

So some people like Jesse have the ability to tunnel and make new rooms and he has two concrete rooms and 2 bathroom areas. And the one in the new room has a privacy curtain as requested. So he can shit in the nude and not all the guys be looking.

Jesse's hands do not hurt, too much. And he's convinced they're love bites from his demon wife he found on the beach. So he's happier. Yes he did request such a woman. He's quieter as well.

Which I like.

The winds came and destroyed Nathaniel's outdoor cameras with extreme fury at the house. So that was interesting.

My air conditioner was on 60°F and I turned it up to 69° and it was better but it worked attentively better when I turned it up two degrees to 71° I tried various degrees up to 75° but 71° works best.

I also tried "dry mode" which removes humidity from the air which worked well until it began to rain then,it was miserable again.

So meddle with your air conditioner numbers until you feel the best coolest air flow.

And it's good to try it at night ... To find the absolute best.. If it works well when it's cool it will be working as best as possible when it's 105° real feel and it's less frustrating. You just know its the best you got even if it's not good enough

Right now with the rain and humidity it makes it more complicated so it's better right at dusk

Stay hydrated and peaceful.

I know I'm being kind to prisoners whom don't rightly deserve kindness but their punishments are harsh. And what kind of person am I if I'm just mean to everyone?

Well.. If you ask me... Well..

There's this philosophy that being great to people invokes guilt. The feeling they have wronged. Most especially while being punished. They realize they should have treated better when they had their freedom.

It only works while they're incarcerated. Once they obtain their freedom they're like a flesh eating bacteria and go back to their bullshit

So we are very aware of this. So while they are not mistreated and their accomodations are as they wished and some get better over time as it is earned.

They will stay there. I did make contingency for work release but I am told NHRA has not allowed them to be on The schedule which I do appreciate

Nd it is for the safety

Matt Hagan got 2 ten pound bowling balls.

The reason we have low pounds is because our guards -- heavy weights thrown at guards can be very damaging. So a guard can take a 10 pound bowling ball to the gut but not a 30 or 50.

Amd they're bowling balls at 10 or 15 pounds because they're harder to handle these don't have holes. So if they're practising throwing them then they get taken away.

So then when they have weights and they go outside they have to put them on the bed or opposite side of the door along the wall, be handcuffed through the food slot and then they have to stand in the middle of the room and do a count down breathing and stretching session and then they approach the door then they can be foot shackled and the prisoner connects it themself

So you have wrist handcuffs and feet then a chain from both so they can't swing their arms and hit others.

Once connected it needs a key to unlock but it shows trust and cooperation and it's a good exercise

They keep their exercise equipment if they connect their cuffs correct. Its almost impossible not to. And they get shown how.

The guard can do it but it's an attempt to allow independence and recognition of choices and self authority and to say "you got yourself in this situation, take responsibility"

The guard didn't do bad things to have to be there. The prisioner did. The last straw for them to be properly arrested was what they did.

We allowed them 12 years. And they all made "bets" aka promises and so on and so forth. And they failed at being civilized human beings..

Jesse James wrote with shit on the wall and then ate shit the first night.

That is an obvious failure.

Its what he always does tho. But he has to live in it and clean it because he chose to do that and no one is going in his cell

That's his room. There is times that guards will but normally it's not necessary and it won't happen.

Alex will to have help with his animals but that's a little different it's for the animals welfare. Its once per week.

Like for their trash they have to request trash receptacle. They can pick the size or have a large and small and they have to request trash bags. Then they fill and Tie It and show the guard or cameras and then they have to place it 2 foot from the door and then stand on their bed or at the opposite wall and spread 'em arrested style. Arms and legs spread, hands against the wall back to the door. For guard safety. Then the guard gets it and locks the door and let's them know by saying the equivalent of "okay" in the language of the day. If the prisoner doesn't respond, the guard knocks on the door.

Its their room. Their house. Someone is at the door.

Then they say thank you in the language of the day when they respond and remove from their position.

Otherwise they have to be shackled. So this is simpler and easier and allows trust and cooperation and human decency and also the reminder they're in prison.

But most trash is food and so most just put it all back on their tray when the guard comes to collect.

So there's an old fashioned slot so if they tray falls to the hall. There's a basket there that should catch the tray and trash.

If they throw the tray out to make a mess in the hall, the tray of their food is covered with a light non tight layer of saran wrap then shoved through the slot to make it fly and make a mess.

The loose layer of saran is to protect the food... But at the same time it's loose and the point is made. As Well as a mess.

And then betrer behavior occurs.

So it's obvious who is in control but sometimes they wanna try their hand. But I'm a very angry person so my prison personnel puts up with nothing.

They don't question or wonder. What is done to them, they do in return.

They have their rules of humanity but when prisoners go on the wind, the guards blow back.

So if they get hit, 3 guards hit the prisoner. Always. And then rights get taken away. And all kinds of shit happens.

So we try to prevent violence against each other because if a prison riot occurs, my guards will be out of jobs.

So everyone has their own rooms and their wishes and they can ask and get nearly anything

Matt for example got 10 pound weights because he had a large body mass of muscle. And so that is what he worked for and earned. So he gets a 10 pound. And we go up to 15 but Idk i guess he didn't ask for top weights.

But the point is also he can do weights all day long as opposed to just half a day. And he can max the muscles if done properly.

But someone with smaller muscle mass will get a lighter weight

Like I said to protect the guard but also to protect the user of the weightsm too heavy can cause damage.

Going to a smooth bowling ball is cumbersome as opposed to weights with handles which of course is why he didn't get the 15 lb. He needs 2 weeks or so on the lighter ball in case he dropps it on his head or something like that and there is great over the head exercise. So I'm not being dumb.. It could happen.

So we treat them like we would kids

Like with Alex... Some of them never have been. And so they need that.

I know if i was always abused and treated like shit and had one year to live as they do with COVID, id like to be treated humane. I'd like to be treated like i had a mom and dad out there that love me.

I'm an orphan and i have been abused and I'm a good person. But I have been to jail. Arrested for real as an adult. So.

I been there. Just for a little bit. It was for weed and telling a cop he sucked. Some felonies. I went to rehab with Alex and it's all off my record now.

So it wasn't a super bad thing.

But if it had been....

I care about me, and i put myself in some places i could be in. And I try to make them better.

Me? I don't like being touched so having the last part of the cuff system up to me to put on -- it says like 'you know, i dont really want to touch you either.'

Like its a little bit of space around me just being able to do one little clip. A little bit of extra room in a super scary situation, being a girl, alone. Anything could happen... But.. I clip it right I have some argument space like "you can't rape me. I'm a model prisioner. I always clip my cuffs right! I'll tell they will believe me! You'll lose your job!"

So it's a privilege. As well as the acceptance of responsibility. I'm not the guard. But i got me here and im gonna be kept here but I'm safe.