#napoleon's relationship with life and death and illya is everything to me actually

[too-young-to-fall-in-love]

yes i think when he does meet illya i think he might actually start wanting to live cuz he has something to live for? it'd be so interesting to think about how long it would take him to realize illya also cares about him, but i think he would get more like. i need to save this person w illya bc he wants him to be alive

pls i am so much less coherent here LMAO but im quaking rn i love this so much

I do think, though, that having people he care about would give him a motivation to live beyond just surviving every day. His days in the CIA seem to be him just staying alive bc he's human and humans (usually) naturally try to stay alive. With Illya, though, and Gaby too, he's given a reason to live beyond the day to day struggle of living under Sanders' thumb. He's given a reason to try and be alive beyond the CIA. Something that he can look forward to once he leaves, or once he joins UNCLE. idk how it rly works there tbh LMAO oh well

And oh yes omg napoleon learning that people actually care about him has to be one of my favorite things frfr. Breaks my HEART realizing he doesn't think people care but he can LEARN that they DO and isn't that the beauty of the human experience

yesyesyes napoleon learning to take things seriously (esp including his life) is something i like to think about, so that's more what the fic/edit combo is gonna focus on lol and also napoleon wanting to mean something so someone bc it's giving him a reason to live beyond whatever the cia has for him and OMGGG

tyty for saying that btw they will (probably) exist eventually tehe im rly happy about them but they don't exist anywhere except random notes in my notes app

Does anyone else ever think that napoleon is suicidal or at the very least has already come to terms with his death. I think the scene where he drives the truck onto the boat shows this most clearly. The way he just rolls up the window and sits there while the car sinks and only rolls down the window and swims out when he sees Illya and goes to save him. Also when he doesn’t get out his gun even though Illya is clearly planning to kill him, he really had no way of knowing that illya wouldn’t kill him once he had the watch and he was totally willing to take that risk. And then when he gets found out by Victoria there’s no panic or anything he’s just interested in what gave him away. Even when napoleon burned the disk it felt to me like he didn’t expect to make it that far so he might as well. I also remember when Illya was strangling him and he just kept looking at sanders to see if he would let him die and sanders just looks at him dispassionately. Does anyone else get this vibe or am I delusional?

[unsettledink]

Comfort (Re)Reads Recs

It's been a rough couple of weeks, both personally and just *waves hands around* you know, everything. I found myself going back to some of my comfort reads again and again and thought – you know, I bet other people are in serious need of that too.

So here's a handful of some of my favorite comfort reads across a bunch of fandoms. Most are pretty long, or series. Everything has a happy ending, but I like h/c so plenty have some hurt or angst on the way. I put the ones that have the most near that bottom.

For all of them I'd suggest looking at the author's other works too! And if you liked what you read, please tell them that it made your day a bit better. I'm off to do so myself.

Leader Of The Free World, @copperbadge

Marvel (MCU) - Steve/Tony, Bucky/Clint, 15k

Summary: Clint Barton's presidential campaign started as a joke. It didn't end that way, except for Steve.

Sixpence In His Shoe, @scifigrl47

Marvel - Steve/Tony, 100k

Summary: Steve and Tony should really read the fine print on what they're signing. Then again, some mistakes are not really mistakes.

Always Starts the Same, with a Boy and a Girl, lightgetsin

White Collar - Neal/Elizabeth/Peter, 21k

Summary: Summer, 1998. Neal Caffrey robs the gallery where Elizabeth O'Dell is working late, and comes away with a lot more than art. Agent Burke has no idea what's about to hit him.

Take Me Out,    @setepenre-set

Megamind – Megamind/Roxanne, 10k

Summary: The Metro City Wolverines are the worst team in the MLB. So Megamind, using the disguise watch to manage the stadium’s illegal betting pool, is understandably shocked when Miss Ritchi (at the stadium on a ‘date’ with Metro Man…and his mother) wants to place a bet that the Wolverines can win against the best ranked team in the league. But then, maybe the luck is turning for all of Metro City's underdogs…

My Heart Comes Tumbling Down, @devildoll

Teen Wolf – Derek/Stiles, 5k

Summary: "This is a casual, adult relationship based on sex, and it is awesome." In which Stiles and Derek have a great time buddyfucking until a burrito ruins it all.

Technical Support,    @astolat

Person of Interest – John/Harold, 13k

Summary: The IFT Plaza security team wasn't what John would have called the brightest stars in the firmament. (Written for the tech support AU prompt.)

From Thy Bounty, @ibby-writes​

Marvel (MCU) – Tony/Peter, 30k

Summary: Tony’s eyes are always dark, but now there's almost no iris left. He looks hollowed out. There’s something terribly hungry there, despite the feast they've filled themselves on.

Gift of Choice, @everysecondtuesday

Marvel (MCU) – Tony/Peter, 11k

Summary: Tony Stark had a thing about giving Peter stuff.

Feels Like Something, Maybe It Fits, @learned-foot

Marvel (MCU) – Tony/Peter, 7k

Summary:  Peter’s still not used to hearing that voice. Four months, and part of him thinks it’s a lie every time.

Better Than, unsettled (yup, it's mine. It feels weird to include it? But it was the comfort reread that set this off, so)

Marvel (MCU) – Tony/Peter, 40k

Summary: Maybe there isn't really a fixed point where it starts, where any of it starts, nothing Tony can point to and say, there, there is where I made my mistake, there is where I could have stopped this, there is where I can stop it from happening again. Maybe it shouldn’t have been something Tony tried to stop. (or: the one where Tony is going to be responsible for once, ok? He is!)

The Swear Jar, @allthemarvelousrage

Marvel (MCU) – Clint/Laura/Tony, 12k

Summary: In the last three months, she’s seen Tony go through a lot of mood changes and shifts of introspection, but she doesn’t think he’s ever been close to leaving. Then again, she doesn’t think he’s actually aware of how intertwined his life’s become with theirs, because half the time, he’s exhausted from Avengers business or exhausted from engineering binges, and the other half of the time, he’s either trading one-liners and witticisms with Clint or coloring with Lila or building things with Cooper or letting Nathan crawl all over him.

This, You Protect, @vmohlere

Marvel (MCU) - Steve/Bucky, 64k

Summary: The mission resets abruptly, from objective: kill to objective: protect

have you heard, peradi

Star Wars - Finn/Poe, Finn/Poe/Rey, 42k

Summary: "I heard FN-2187 was a Stormtrooper."

Transfigurations, Resonant

Harry Potter – Harry/Draco, 71k

Summary: Five years after Voldemort's defeat, Harry returns to England to help re-open Hogwarts.

Something Blue, Lapin

The Hobbit – Bilbo/Thorin, 34k

Summary: Thorin marries Bilbo after the Battle of Five Armies, a marriage of convenience, not love. Slowly, they must come to make the best of it, Bilbo resolves. After all, he's a Hobbit. They make the best of things.

Nothing Gold Can Stay,  @bilboo

The Hobbit – Bilbo/Thorin, 296k

Summary: Bilbo Baggins led a rather peaceful life, thank you very much, until an old acquaintance decided to turn it upside down, and he found himself agreeing to take a job that’s… let’s say not exactly up his alley, and might eventually cost him a little more than his treasured cozy lifestyle. Who would have thought tutoring a slightly menacing monarch’s more than slightly overbearing nephew could prove to be such an adventure?

Like a Comet Streaming On, @sineala

Marvel (616)– Tony/Steve, 32k

Summary: Tony escapes Afghanistan with a functioning Iron Man suit and a perfectly normal heart. He even manages to bring Ho Yinsen home safely at his side. But he may as well have lost everything... because his wolfbrother is dead. Six months later, the Avengers find Captain America, frozen in ice, miraculously alive. Everything and everyone Steve has ever known is gone -- except his wolfsister, the recipient of the lupine version of the super-soldier serum, who was frozen in his arms. Tony has everything but his wolf. Steve has only his wolf. This is how their lives fit together.

All Our Secrets Laid Bare, @firethesound

Harry Potter – Harry/Draco, 149k

Summary: Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on.

The End Where We Begin, @ingu

Man From UNCLE (Movie) – Illya/Napoleon, 21k

Summary: Illya kills an American spy in Zurich. Three days later, he’s staring into the face of a dead man standing in his hotel room.

A man turns around., spqr

Marvel (MCU) – Tony/Steve/Bucky, 6k

Summary: Liver failure or a lone assassin with a long-range weapon will get him eventually. He doesn’t think it will take too long, now that he’s retired. He wishes death would hurry up. If happiness were coming his way, it would’ve gotten here by now. All that’s left to do is wait. Languish in the "later life" section of his Wikipedia page. Wake up in the morning and go to bed at night. Exist, until it’s over.

[sovietarchive-blog]

so i need to know what are certian things you see in illya others dont? does he fear anything? does he wish to redo anything? what is his relationship with solo & teller now? does he still see himself as a monster? how do you canon his sexuality and kgb training? is more attuned to uncle or the kgb? has he seen his parents ever again? does he lile to travel, if so best place he traveled? what was the one thing he got in trouble for the most as a child? who does he look up to?

          thank you so much for sending this in!  I love questions like this and don’t get the opportunity to answer them very often.  while I can’t say that I definitively see things in illya that other people definitely don’t  –  I do flatter myself that I’ve put an enormous amount of thought into his character and understand him pretty well, so I’m really excited to delve into all of these things!

does he fear anything?

          illya is very, very human, despite what some might think.  (see: solo’s initial comments to his superior officer after that first chase with him.)  he certainly has fears, although death isn’t among them ;  he’d much rather die with honor than live with shame.  for the most part, he’s been desensitized to fears the way most people see them, as part of his kgb training, because ultimately the goal is for these agents to have very little for their enemies to hold over their heads / threaten them with.  that said, his superiors, as exhibited in the film, actively fed illya’s single deepest fear:  ending up like his father.  in a way, I think that fear was partially artificially created by the institution which got its claws into him at an incredibly young age ;  even before his official kgb training, he attended ‘exclusive’ schools closely monitored by the government and was fed propaganda which eventually morphed his opinion of both himself and his country, which we see later.

          illya has very little concern for his own self-preservation and clearly quite a low self-image, in that he sees himself as little more than a cog in the soviet machine.  shame on himself is shame on his country  –  and perhaps more importantly than that, shame on his family.  his mother remains a deeply important part of his life and I think that he fears for her reputation as well.  solo brings up his mother’s reputation in the movie  –  and I think illya’s rage has less to do with how his father’s friends saw her and more with the fact that these were things she had to do in order to keep herself and her young son afloat.  he never wants to put her in the same position his father did, and the idea of shaming himself and compromising her in the process is also a great fear of his.  all other fears, in comparison, are inconsequential.

does he wish to redo anything?

          I’m not sure illya has ever felt like he has the sort of autonomy to be able to wish this.  even later on in life, when he’s been given the opportunity to step back from the soviets, join u.n.c.l.e., and eventually retire, even after he comes to terms with the fact that he didn’t deserve what they did to him, he realizes that things could not have ended up any other way.  he was too young to have had the opportunity to make a choice when they got their hands on him, and by the time he’s deep into the kgb, it was simply too dangerous to try to leave  –  and he has his mother to think about.  fortunately, u.n.c.l.e. provided him some relief and eventually he gets to leave spying entirely, but when it comes to wishing he could redo things?

          honestly there’s the occasional moment he wishes he could relive.  he wishes he could say something else to someone he likes, instead of being his awkward self.  he wishes he would have used a different move in a fight or a different interrogation tactic in a particular moment.  but when it comes to overarching themes of his life?  there’s not much he feels he could have done differently even if he wanted to.

what is his relationship with solo & teller now?

          I can honestly say that every dynamic I’ve ever imagined or rped with others has me convinced that, despite occasional roadblocks, illya grows to deeply care for both solo and teller more than anyone he’s ever cared for in his life, except perhaps his mother.  you see those relationships growing in the duration of the film, but illya  …  well, frankly, he’s never had anything like a functional family, nor people he feels actually care about him.  his relationship with gaby obviously progresses more quickly in the film  –  in that he’s willing to even voice his concern about her to solo later on and he’s very soft with her particularly in their last one on one scene  –  but I think that solo returning his watch is a real turning point in their relationship.  obviously, they’ve grown to care in some capacity about each other and they’re in a place where they won’t leave each other behind.  illya definitely feels some level of camaraderie with solo even before this moment.  but until then, he’s absolutely planning on killing solo for the disc.  sure, illya is aware that solo was, more or less, saving his own skin in that moment  –  but the fact that solo a) remembered the significance of the watch, b) considered that even as they were storming that island and c) thought enough of it to both recognize and take back the watch to begin with, is more thoughtfulness by far than illya is used to, despite the motivations of the exact moment in which he returns it.

          the following scene, in which they burn the disc, is by far the most egregious breach of orders illya has ever committed, but not only is he unwilling to destroy this relationship he’s built up, no matter how tenuous it remains, he’s also fully aware of the implications of either the u.s.a. or soviet union getting their hands on that disk.

          I can only imagine those strange yet strong bonds deepen with each mission.  regardless of any romantic connections, which largely rely on my rp partners, he would die for either of them, whether or not they feel the same.  he’s never had a dynamic support system like the one they offer, and frankly, I think waverly, to some extent, is included in this as well.  as far as illya is concerned, even if only on a subconscious level, this is the closest thing he’s had since childhood to a real family and he’ll do anything to protect that.

does he still see himself as a monster?

          yes and no.  having functional and meaningful relationships with other people, as we see him developing at the end of tmfu, certainly helps him understand his humanity outside of what the kgb expects of him.  I think he will always be somewhat ashamed of some of the things he’s done  –  and alarmingly blasé about others  –  and he’s certainly, to some extent, broken for the rest of his life, but having gaby and solo in his life absolutely helps him rebuild at least some of his opinion of himself, allowing him to see more than just a monster or a machine, because they help him see more than that, too.

          I haven’t written much about his relationship with waverly either  …  but I’m fairly convinced that the human way in which waverly treats them  ( shitty sarcastic jokes and all )  helps a great deal with this recovery process as well.  the way his soviet handler speaks to him is alarmingly awful, and even though waverly pokes dry fun at both the boys at almost all times, I have a hard time believing he wouldn’t be a far more empathetic boss than illya is used to  –  likely checking in on their well being, as he did for gaby, and just generally being  …  a pleasant superior in the harsh world of intelligence.  specifically I headcanon that waverly learns everything he can about illya’s skills and encourages him to use all of them, particularly those that aren’t connected to his physical prowess and rather to his intellectual side, which I think is often underutilized and underestimated by others.

how do you headcanon his sexuality and kgb training?

          since I don’t have time to go into his whole kgb training, I’m just going to kind of  …  do this as a ‘how did his training affect his sexuality’ even though I don’t know if that’s how it’s meant.  it’s really quite simple:  russia has never felt great about homosexuality, so although he’s always been attracted to men, it’s always something he’s vehemently ignored and tried to move past.  it’s been drilled into him over and over that same sex attraction is a bad thing  –  and furthermore that the government won’t hesitate to hurt him over it.  it’s something that makes him feel dirty and wrong for a very long time, at least until he’s a little more freed from their expectations.

          illya has been aware of his attraction to both men and women since he was in his mid-teens.  do I think he was ever punished for it?  no, because he’s always been quiet, cautious, and watchful.  I don’t think he’s ever told anybody up until  ( and frankly past )  tmfu canon, because before he ever had the chance to trust anyone enough to reveal it, he saw what happened to those who did and were found out.  within the ranks, it could be brutal and it put him off ever vocalizing his feelings, encouraging him instead to hold those urges back for years.

          in this way, u.n.c.l.e. serves yet another healthy purpose for him.  it gives him just a little more freedom to explore himself  –  and furthermore, an environment in which to do it.  I’m a big subscriber to the napoleon / illya ship and I actually don’t think that illya had much, if any, experience with men before he and solo started their thing  –  which again varies depending on who I’m rping with / what situation I’m thinking of.  this is something he’s repressed for a very long time, and no matter what, it takes time for him to be comfortable with his sexuality.  I also can’t get on board with the initial solo / illya hate-fucking that I see a lot, even though I really wish I could, mostly because I think that illya would absolutely have to learn to trust solo long before he’d be willing to engage with him sexually  --  because he’s terrified of the repercussions and what the russians would do to him, his mother, and his reputation as a result if they found out.

is he more attuned to u.n.c.l.e. or the kgb?

          I think that, at first, he’d like to think it’s the kgb, but he’s always been more attuned to u.n.c.l.e.  I’ve explained many of the reasons why further up in this post, but it basically comes down to the fact that u.n.c.l.e. offers him a camaraderie that the kgb never has and the people he works with in the organization actually care about him as a human being rather than just a weapon.

has he seen his parents ever again?

          he never saw his father after he was shipped off to siberia when illya was a child.  however, as for his mother, he did actually grow up with her still around and he maintains a pretty good relationship with her, although he doesn’t care for the man she eventually chose to remarry, who was a friend of his father’s.  he talks to her somewhat regularly and spends holidays with her when he can, although often he ends up being away and simply sends her a present.  he loves his mother very much and will always be available for her, no matter what.

does he like to travel?  if so, what’s the best place he’s ever traveled?

          this is another ‘yes and no’ question.  he’s spent the majority of his career traveling and I think that he has questionable memories in the majority of the world.  he equates a lot of his traveling experience with his profession and that’s not necessarily a good thing for his opinion of it.  however, he’s also an academic and he does love to visit certain locations around the world when he can.  he loves germany.  he loves vienna.  he loves egypt and scotland and croatia.  he didn’t initially like paris at all but he’s grown to truly appreciate it over the years.

          after his retirement, I think he finds much more peace in traveling for himself and thus will enjoy it more.  however, as for his favorite place, I headcanon that he purchases land sometime during his career in the black forest of western germany, a few miles outside a small town, in a very picturesque location where he can essentially just  ...  disappear.  the mystery and lore and beauty of that area just  ...  fits him wonderfully.  I think he’d want a place outside of russia in addition to his moscow flat, which he visits less and less as he gets older, and the entire area is just so lovely and fairly isolated and would give him an opportunity to really live his best life.  it’s not so much traveling, as he would live there, but it would certainly be his favorite place.  it’s peaceful and beautiful and honestly waht he deserves.

what was the one thing he in trouble for the most as a child?

          he was largely a very well behaved child, especially after his father was taken away, and I don’t think he got into pretty much any trouble after his father was taken to the gulag, because it scared him too much.  he was also always a very quiet boy without too many friends and certainly not prone to being disruptive or careless or really even particularly reckless.  ( even the recklessness we see in the film is typically very calculated. )  as a schoolchild, I think he used to get in trouble for a) not engaging well with other children and b) probably trying to read while the teacher taught, on occasion.

          when the ‘ psychotic episodes ’ began  ...  that was a different story.  I think that he unwittingly hurt several fellow students and was subsequently sent to reform / military schools.  nobody really did much to help what was happening to him and instead the government eventually took advantage of this part of him.  he has them largely under control now, but it’s still something that continues to haunt him  --  and that he continues to struggle with regularly, as we see.

who does he look up to?

          illya’s past is  ...  almost devoid of any role models, when you really think about it.  his superiors were almost always fairly cruel, and while he respected them and strove to please, I don’t really think he looked up to them.  he once looked up to his father, but that faded once he was sent off ;  frankly, his father broke his heart and betrayed him, and while he still holds love for him in his heart, I wouldn’t say he looks up to him.

          in his youth, I think that illya was guided largely by the heroes of russian literature, in the absence of anyone of flesh and blood.  grigoriy pechorin of lermontov’s a hero of our time.  pierre bezukhov of tolstoy’s war and peace.  ( oddly )  rodion raskolnikov of dostoyevsky’s crime and punishment.  university had an excellent influence on him, however, as the professors he encountered there gave him an opportunity to look up to real people, and he remains in contact particularly with his mentors from his graduate and doctorate programs, as often as he can.  university was the first time when he connected with people he felt were interested in mentoring him, rather than simply controlling him, and it was a very positive experience for him.

          I also believe that he eventually develops a real respect and admiration for waverly as a superior officer.  waverly, who is intelligent, often kind, but also firm.  waverly, who grows to understand illya’s humor more quickly than others do.  waverly, the first superior in his life who genuinely ends up being kind to him.  in his life as a spy, this relationship ends up providing him the most guidance and confidence, eventually.

[ingu]

For the fic ask thingy: The End Where We Begin + 1, 4, 5, 7 and 9. (Sorry for this many questions. It's my favourite TMFU fic and I never quite recovered from it.)

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

A mix of things, really. Foremost there’s the fact of Illya’s clear superiority when it comes to physical combat and how he very almost just killed Napoleon when they met in that bathroom. So it had me wondering - what if in a different life they never had someone telling them to stand down and he had just killed Napoleon? What then? Then there’s ideas like: ‘spying would be so much easier if you were invisible and could go through walls’, 'napoleon would probably be the world’s most annoying ghost’. And more existential thoughts like: 'is it still meaningful even if love and acceptance is alive only in your head?’ ‘are you still alone?’ 

Because shuffle it around a bit and the story becomes one about a lonely man who has a psychotic break and slowly falls in love with a person that exists only in head, then ultimately dies anonymously and alone. To anyone else in that world it is a sad tale, yet you the reader can see that his life was not one without joy or companionship. His ‘pointless’ death is the event that finally frees him from his trapped existence to ‘live’ the life that he always wanted. How do you measure whether a life is wasted or fulfilled?

And in a way, Napoleon’s existence is not unlike our own inner voice, something we are never ever free of, something which may either hate us or love us depending on the way we see and understand ourselves and our past actions. As Napoleon stands as an ‘impartial’ witness to everything Illya is and does and may be, measuring his worth, Napoleon’s journey of forgiveness is also one of Illya forgiving himself. And it is only after, that Illya sees himself he same way Napoleon does, as someone worthy of love.  

Throw all that in a blender with all my shippy thoughts and a self-imposed Halloween publication date and you have the fic as you see it. It was a journey that had to be told from Illya’s perspective, because for Napoleon the story would be about something else. Perhaps about power and powerlessness, about how we are forced to come to terms with living lives we never wanted for ourselves, finding joy and meaning regardless of what circumstances expect of us, and understanding that all of us are at the mercy of forces beyond our control, and maybe it’s okay. But that would be a completely different story.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

It’s hard to choose, though I think the “You killed me, Illya, and I forgive you. You need to start forgiving yourself.” might be it, just for the amount of devastation it unleashes on the poor man.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The climatic scene that came after the visit to Napoleon’s mother. I’m not sure if it showed to the readers but I actually came up with it quite late into the process, and I didn’t know if I had really set it up properly for the payoff to be as meaningful as it needed to be. There were so many things which had to be addressed and balanced and it was a small nightmare trying to communicate the emotional turmoil without accidentally overdoing it somehow. Honestly I’m still not sure if I really pulled it off in the end.

7: Where did the title come from?

I tried to use my usual strategy of pilfering song lyrics but couldn’t really find anything that really fit. So I ended up using my brain a bit more. So much of the story is about the way your usual endings bring about new beginnings for their relationship. So when you think about the way the fic starts and ends, it seemed right.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not that I can remember? I have moved scenes around to try and improve flow in the first few days after publication, but there are no different versions where things are different enough to call ‘alternate’. Everything more or less got written as planned.

[seishirosakurazuka]

Okay, but Suoh/Nokoru?!?

hey grey-faced friend, i made some terrible life choices yesterday and now i feel like death warmed over and then frozen and then only partially warmed over in the microwave but the inside is still cold but you don’t care because everything is bad, but you know what warms my semi-thawed heart? it’s this. it’s suoh & nokoru.

i always assume all my fave character tropes are super obvious but the most-most-most favorite of mine is probably idiot king-figure (which pairs nicely with a rogue/trickster/con archetype) & exasperated but loyal to the death follower, in any kind of iteration. (inda & evred but inda is the sunshine god of evred’s life, costis & gen, jean & locke, enjolras & grantaire, gawain & lancelot, lancelot & arthur, the entire ending of crime & punishment, illya & napoleon tv edition, etc etc etc etc.) anyway. point being is i am weak to long-time friends who would die for each other but can’t seem to Talk Directly To Each Other and are in my heart definitely 10 years pining for each other.

here is a list of things about suoh & nokoru that get me every fucking time:

how nokoru is the boss of everything but suoh is one person who can defs boss him around and make him take care of himself

neither one can stand to see the other hurting esp when it’s stupid things they do to protect the other aka they’re an old married couple

at the end of the world suoh (and akira!) are right there by nokoru’s side and when i was fifteen and waiting on a ride home from school in the hs atrium i’d read FFN Clamp stories on my old blackberry on school wifi and one of them was the three of them in a world where kamui loses the apocalypse and i cry thinking abt it right now

suoh met nokoru and was like THIS BOY IS MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES THIS IS MY IDIOT. and honestly. honestly

they are both very good people who balance each other out

i love nagisa-jo & all but....... nokoru helping set them up........... never ever revealing his true feelings generally, trying to play strategy bc he’s in charge of so many other important things his wants don’t much matter.................. that’s such a gay pining move

actually nokoru’s whole elaborate save-the-ladies passion seems very gay to me for reasons im not well enough to elaborate on but it seems like the typical gay-coded Ruse of being over-interested but never Actually Investing or having a Real Relationship u feel me

i actually literally need to go be horizontal and lie down but i will gladly talk abt nokoru and suoh anytime or just clamp school detectives