#nah i should keep it it will be cool to see what my brain was ruminating over later

[joeyfranchise]

cuz you know that’s it’s delicate

joe burrow x fem!reader

summary: what happens when joe’s teammate slips a joke about your size difference and it sends you spiraling? being in love with joe since college has been tough but what happens when he starts figuring it out and trying to unravel you more?

warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY, MDNI. heaaaavy size kink, joe being a smartass should be it’s own warning, language, p in v, fingering, oral (f. receiving), roughness. probably more? this one was so much fun, plzzz stick around til the end. 🤭

word count: 3.1k!

note: heyyy everyone! my first joey smut 🤭 i hope y’all love it and again MDNI!! (shoutout to my boo @slimshiesty, hate me later and that stray ball part is rotting in my brain, so i snuck a lil of it in here as an ode to you. ily bbg. 💗) (also another taylor swift title bc i fr couldn’t think of anything else plus i used it a bit.. i swear i’m not trying to steal anyones thing i love all the joey swifties)

tags: @slimshiesty @starsinthesky5 (plz message me or send an ask to be added!) part 2

sexual frustration has to be one of the worst things in the world. sexual frustration at the hands of your best friend, however, takes the cake.

it started at a party two weeks ago when you were invited out by joe, the star nfl quarterback, certified dweeb, and your very best friend all wrapped into one.

flashback

you were sitting around with joe and some of his teammates, listening in on their conversations and people watching the rest of the time. it was easiest for you to hang out with joe and ja’marr since you knew them from college, but the rest of their teammates and their teammates partners were really cool too, and all so welcoming to you.

everyone was laughing and joking, having a laid back time, picking on each other for random things. that was, until, someone mentioned how funny it was to see you standing next to joe, being that he was well over a foot taller than you.

“what? how’s it funny?” joe asked, glancing between you and his teammate. “because you make her look so tiny! like a little doll. get up and stand next to each other.”

you were reluctant to move from your seat, hating where this was leading. it was already hard enough having feelings for your best friend over the span of a few years, but this was crossing dangerous territory. kink territory.

for you, there was something about how much bigger than you joe was. he towered over you. his body was lean but built with thick muscles. he could quite literally pick you up and sling you around like a rag-doll. (and honestly if he did, you’d thank him.)

you hoped his teammate pointing out your size difference wouldn’t be turned into a big deal, but once joe pulled you out of your chair to stand next to him, it was like the gates of hell opened.

you stood side by side, your head barely even reaching his armpit. everyone around the table laughed, including joe. “damn, i guess i never really focused on how little you are, y/n.” joe laughed, and placed his forearm on top of your head like an armrest.

alarms went off in your head. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION.

you cleared your throat quickly, and came to your senses, shoving joe off before getting back into your seat. “maybe i’m not small, maybe you’re just a freakishly large man.” you remark, trying to keep your voice even.

“nah,” he replied, sitting down next to you again, “you’re sooooo tiny.” he laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at you. you flipped him the finger. “fuck you big bird.” you snarked before downing the rest of your drink. god knows you need it. you hoped that your pink cheeks would be chalked up to the alcohol and that nobody else had caught on.

the next instance came a few days later, on a sunday, and it was much worse than the first. so, so much worse.

flashback to sunday

you came to the bengals’ home stadium to watch their game, and since it was early you figured you’d go down to the field to say hi to joe and some of your other friends on the team.

you made it down and waved hi to ja’marr, tee and sam before making your way to joe. he spotted you and smiled, walking in your direction to meet you halfway.

you decided on wearing one of his jerseys and a pair of jeans, something simple and comfortable. as soon as he made it to you, the first thing he did was look you up and down and then pick up the sleeve of the jersey before chuckling.

“damn, this thing is swallowing you!” he comments. you playfully smack at his arm. “shut up, joey.”

“it’s cute, though. you look nice. are you excited for the game?”

you don’t give yourself much time to process that “cute” comment. wtf does that even mean? who cares. ABORT MISSION.

“of course i’m excited! i can’t wait to watch you guys kick some ass today—“

your sentence is cut off abruptly as joe grabs you and lifts you, turning your bodies so his back is now facing the opposite direction on the field. his grip on you is so tight that your chest is pressed into his stomach. you look up at his face, his expression a mix between anger and concern. you can feel your cheeks heat up and your eyes widen in disbelief.

“um, joe, you’re bear hugging the hell out of me right now. wanna put me down and explain what happened?”

he lets you down gently, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. “stray ball was coming right at you. i didn’t want it to hit you, it would’ve hurt you pretty bad.”

you reach a hand up and pat his chest, feeling the thick muscles. “thank you!” you respond, once again monitoring your tone. “i’m gonna head up and talk to everyone, ok?” you ask, already moving to leave. “yeah, ok.” joe says, focusing his attention on the ground. you can tell he’s contemplating something, but you don’t want to ask. you want to get out of there as quickly as possible.

the final instance came a few days later when you went to joe’s house just to hang out and have dinner.

flashback to wednesday night

you park your car in joe’s garage and step out, tucking your phone and keys in your pocket before heading up the stairs. before you make it to the door, joe’s already opening it and waiting in the doorway.

“hi bub!” you call, pushing past him and stepping inside, kicking off your shoes by the door. he greets you back sweetly and the two of you go sit on barstools in the kitchen, just catching up on things that have gone on this week. you rant to joe about your job and he listens intently, offering what advice he can.

he rants back to you about things going on with the team, and frustrations he’s having on the field. you try to return the favor and offer him some advice, but you know you aren’t of too much help. joe appreciates it regardless.

soon after your food arrives, you find yourselves in the living room, sitting on the couch side by side as a movie plays. you and joe always loved just being around each other, you had so deep of a connection that oftentimes words didn’t need to be shared at all.

you both enjoyed those moments.

you felt yourself starting to doze off until joe laughed at something in the movie, the sound waking you a bit.

“oh, sorry. you can go to sleep.” he whispers, pulling you into his side and wrapping his arm around your shoulder. you appreciate his warmth and you rub your head on his shoulder as you get comfy. you hear joe chuckle.

“what’s funny?” you mumble, your eyes still closed. “it’s like i’m hyper-aware now of how small you are next to me. it’s so cute.”

you make no outward moves or sounds, but inside you are screaming. yelling. this is the worst one yet.

you don’t know it yet, but joe’s figured it out. he’s seen you get flustered three times now over these comments, and he knows something is going on in your brain when they’re said. he isn’t aware if you have feelings for him like he does for you, but he knows you liked when he picked you up so easily on the field the other day.

it was effortless to him, despite what you might think of yourself.

you sit next to him in silence, eyes still closed, trying to control your breathing. just try to fall asleep again you tell yourself, hoping that joe has no idea. if you only knew.

when you wake in the morning, you’re still snuggled on the couch with him as the soft morning light shines gold around the living room. you shake him awake.

“joey, i gotta get going. i need to go home and get ready for work and you have thursday practice.”

he pulls you in closer for a moment, hugging you bye, and then wishes you a good day at work. you bolt out the door and to your car as fast as you can, heading home to wash the previous day away in the shower.

end of flashbacks

so, this is where you are now.

it’s been almost a week since you’ve talked to joe, avoiding him because you aren’t sure what to say or do. part of you knows he has something figured out, but you don’t know what or how much.

you’re terrified to let him in on your feelings, what’s going on in your head, because you’re delicate and you don’t want to ruin something that has always been there for you.

the other part of you knows you have to tell him, you need to tell him. you love him, you lust after him. the comments that keep being made about your sizes are driving you to the point of insanity that nothing will fix it unless joe manhandles you as rough as you can take it and he fucks it out of you.

you’re pretty sure your vibrator is gonna be on its last leg soon.

alright, i gotta call him. i gotta get this over with.

you grab your phone off the kitchen counter and dial his number, listening to it ring for a few moments.

“hello?” he finally answers, sounding a bit upset.

“hey joey. sorry i haven’t been talking to you this week. i just— i think i need to talk to you about some stuff and.. would you mind coming over later?”

he says nothing for a moment, but you hear him blow out a long breath. “yeah, of course, y/n.” he finally says. “i can be over around 7?”

you check the clock on the stove, it reads 4:34pm.

“7 sounds great! see you then!” you say, hanging up quickly. now you play the waiting game.

all your chores are done, and you take a lovely everything shower to help calm your nerves, and you make sure to drink plenty of water and have a snack as you tell yourself affirmations.

it’s going to be okay, he’s my best friend. he will understand. he will still be my friend regardless, he’s always been there for me. if he rejects me, nothing will change that.

you sit on the couch and scroll your phone as you wait. there’s still just a bit over an hour before joey will arrive, so you waste time scrolling tiktok, cozy on the couch.

soon enough you hear the doorbell, and you jump off the couch to answer it, stepping aside to let joe in.

he sits on your couch, waiting for you to join him and start speaking. “joe, i, um.. i hav-“

he cuts you off. “you have feelings for me? you like it when people compare our sizes because it turns you on?” he smirks, leaning back on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. he’s manspreading now, his thick thighs on full display. your mouth falls open for a moment.

“yeah. essentially exactly that.” you finally reply.

“so what are we gonna do about that?” he questions, pulling you into his lap. you place your hands on his chest instinctively, and before you know what’s happening he‘s pulling you in for a heated kiss.

his lips are soft against yours and he gently prods at your bottom lip, sliding his tongue past as you open it. he tastes like mint, it’s intoxicating you. one minute his large hands are splayed over your back holding you to him, the next he’s lifting you off the couch by grabbing underneath your armpits and carrying you down the hall, roughly body-slamming you on the bed.

“dude, save the UFC moves for ja’marr!” you groan, sucking in a large breath. joe jumps on the bed, caging you in by placing his knees on either side of your hips and his hands next to your head.

“no, i don’t think so.” he smirks, leaning in closer until your noses are nearly touching. you felt your cheeks heating up at his close proximity, and his eye-contact with you was starting to feel intimidating, even though you had just been sharing such a passionate kiss. you hated that you could feel your wetness soaking through your panties just from him trying to wrestle you.

he blows gently on your face and you shove at him. he laughs you off and leans even closer, pressing the tip of his nose to yours before moving away and leaning down to whisper in your ear.

“this would be a lot easier if you’d just admit that you want me to manhandle you. you want me to go rough, right?” he teases. you’ve had enough of his smugness. you grab the back of his neck and pull him in for another kiss, tugging at his hair and nipping his bottom lip. he groans into you. he stands from the bed, picking you up again, carrying you across the room before roughly slamming your body against the wall.

you let out a strangled moan, loving the feeling of him using all his strength on you.

“can i take your shorts off?” he asks, looking into your eyes.

“fuck yes, please.” you breathe out, exhilarated.

joe yanks your shorts and panties down your legs in one swift motion, kneeling down in front of you. he’s able to keep your body held up and pressed against the wall. he looks up at you with questioning eyes, making sure this is okay. you give him a soft nod in response.

he leans in and throws one of your legs over his shoulder. he starts by pressing the smallest kiss to your clit, and then licks a slow, languid stripe up your core. you hiss, your body arching off the wall at the new sensation. when you look down, you find him looking up at you, his beautiful blue eyes trained on your face.

your eyes roll back in your head as he continues his ministrations. you feel the hand that isn’t holding you against the wall rubbing circles on your inner thigh before joe slowly slips a finger into you.

you quickly approach your orgasm, your stomach tight with anticipation. joe doesn’t let up, working you there until your body feels like it’s being dunked into warm bath water, the feeling covering you from head to toe. it takes you a minute to regain your sense of self. joe pulls his fingers from your core and removes your leg from his shoulder, standing back up before lifting you so your legs are around his waist.

you waste no time pulling him in for a kiss. “holy shit, joey!” you moan, baffled at what just happened. he smirks into your kiss.

for the second time, you’re thrown onto the bed. you sit up, propped on your elbows as you watch joe stalk closer, his erection very obvious in his shorts. he pulls his shirt over his head and you do the same, unclasping your bra just after so that you’re completely bare for him.

you chalk your forwardness up to being comfortable with him, normally you wouldn’t have the confidence to act this way. neither would joe, actually, but you shrug it off.

you don’t remember seeing him strip his shorts off or climb on top of you, but you know you’re kissing him again. you can’t get over how good his lips feel. one of his hands traces your curves, he runs his fingers along your body until his large hand is cupping your breast.

he moves his kisses to your neck and you gasp, reveling in the feeling of him kissing and touching you softly and sweetly.

you look down at his throbbing cock and suddenly you feel intimidated. joe hears you gasp. he lets out a soft laugh.

“don’t talk a big game and then act scared of it, baby.” he teases, pressing light kisses to your cheeks. you swallow thickly.

joe reaches down and strokes himself, spitting on his hand to slick himself up. he looks at you once again for confirmation, and you nod to him. he helps you get comfortable beneath him, positioning your legs around his waist as he pushes his tip in. you suck in a harsh breath.

it stings, but it isn’t the worst thing. he moves against you slowly, sliding in inch by inch until he bottoms out. he looks down and you, your faces inches apart, and you giggle.

“what is it bub?” he asks, smiling softly. “they weren’t kidding calling you big dick joe.” you laugh out. joe laughs too.

after giving you a few minutes to adjust, he starts moving hips, rocking into yours slowly. you think this is what the peak of euphoria feels like.

he leans back down to kiss you, his hand finding your throat and squeezing ever so slightly. your back is arched, your chest pressed to his as your hands tangle through his hair. his hands move down, finding your hips and holding them down to the bed. you moan at the rough grip.

he starts going harder, his hips pistoning into yours as you continue kissing, both of you moaning out your pleasure.

“joey, i-i’m close.” you warn, your body covered in a sheen of sweat. you felt it again, you were so close to that warmth once again pulsing over your body.

until.

knock knock knock.

what was that? you thought. you tried to focus on joe but everything seemed to be slipping away.

then, there it was again. the knocking. and the shrill of your phone ringing.

you startled awake, sweat covering your body. you looked at your phone screen. 7:10pm. one missed call from joe.

you threw your throw blanket off, trying to gather your thoughts. what the fuck? what is happening?

you thought you’d just had the best fuck of your life, that everything would be okay with you and joe but… it was just a dream? you dozed off and you didn’t even know it.

“y/n, let me in!” you hear joe yell from the opposite side of the door. you’re panicking, your body is hot, your clothes are stuck to you. still, you get up and almost sprint to the door. you open it, taking in his appearance. just like your dream.

black shorts, black shirt. backwards cap.

“can i come in? are you okay?” he asks. you watch as he takes in your appearance. sweaty hair stuck to your neck, your eyes glazed over.

“um, yeah joe. i’m okay. come in.” you step aside, inviting him in, just like your dream. he sits down.

“so, what did you wanna talk about?” he asks. you sit down next to him, blowing out a long breath. this was gonna be a longggg conversation.

[evanchantingpeters]

How I met Evan Peters (Fanfic - Part 1)

Pairings ─ Evan Peters x Y/N (fem reader)

Genre ─ Smut/fluff, Romance

Summary ─ Y/N is fresh in East Hollywood, LA. After a major life overhaul, she’s ready to dive into a new chapter. So, when she hits the town for a night out with friends, she unexpectedly crosses paths with none other than actor Evan Peters. Y/N tries to keep her cool and act all nonchalant, but damn, Evan’s interest throws her for a loop. Their first meeting? Total tension and flirtation, hinting at an evening full of surprises.

Disclaimer ─ In Part 1 of the series, the main characters are introduced, setting the stage for the encounter of Evan and Y/N to unfold and the sexual energy between them to build up. Things get super steamy and smutty in Part 2.

Warnings (for Part 2) ─ Obscene language, semi-public, dry humping, oral (both receiving), fingering, overstimulation, handjob, nudes, handjob, nipple teasing, spanking, vaginal sex, rough sex, extra smutty—you guys know the drill :)

Word count ─ 3.8K

18+ > If you’re a minor, do NOT read!

@evanchantingpeters — All rights reserved. Please do not modify, translate, or plagiarise my content.

You step out of the shower, steam stirring around you as you wrap your hair turban-style in a towel. The anticipation of a proper night-out since you made the bold move to quit your job in Europe and pursue another life in the US tingles in your veins. It feels like forever since you’ve let loose, and tonight promises to be nothing short of epic.

Plopping down onto your bed, you grab your go-to jar of coconut body butter from the dresser. You squeeze a generous dollop onto your palm and rub your hands together. The creamy texture blends in as you work it onto your skin, leaving it smooth and oh-so-soft.

As you immerse yourself in your ritual, you hear the familiar buzz of a FaceTime call. Glancing over at your bedside table, you see “Ad💗,” your friend’s name (Adria for full) glowing on the screen. You pick up your phone, still coated in moisturiser, and her face pops up. A look of desperation is written all over her features.

“Hey, girl! What’s up?” you chirp, propping the phone on your desk to finish off your pampering session.

She lets out a dramatic groan. “Send help,” she whines, her voice tinged with panic. “I’m having a meltdown over here. I swear, I got nothing to wear.”

You can’t help but giggle at her faux-crisis. “First-world problems, brain rot,” you tease, sneaking a peek at the heap of clothes behind her. “I see you’ve got quite a selection to pick from.”

Adria pouts, swatting playfully at the camera. “Nah, these don’t count. I need everyone to be ‘she ate and left no crumbs.’ What’re going for tonight? I need some inspo!”

You chuckle sympathetically, holding the phone aloft as you pivot to show her your fit for tonight laid out on your bed. “I’m going for less is more—my thrifted mini satin dress and racing black leather jacket with my military boots and white tube socks for a touch of sass.”

She gives you a strained smile as she takes in your outfit. “Ahh, you pull off that casual vibe effortlessly, babe.”

You flip the camera back to you, shrugging nonchalantly, “I’m casual and proud!”

Adria rolls her eyes with a teasing glint. “Okay, but what about makeup? You gotta glam it up… you know the LA sparkle! That’s how we do it in East Hollywood, at least!”

You scoff, shaking your head. “Nah, I’m feeling the au naturel look. You know I suck with makeup big time—I’d probably end up looking like Pennywise.”

Rather than rehashing your “Why makeup should be banned” manifesto, you choose to dig further into the evening’s plans. “So, who else’s joining us tonight, Ad?”

She rattles off a list of names, both female and male—some known, others unknown—and you nod along. “Gotcha. I’ll be ready by 10.”

“Perf. I’ll swing by to pick you up then. Buckle up for a wild night, biyyyatch!” she exclaims, wiggling her brows at you.

You let out a choked laugh as you observe her grimacing. “Alrighty, catch you soon!”

Once you hang up, you slip into your outfit and let your hair fall loose, fluffing it up for a bit of volume. No need for fancy blowouts tonight—you’re all about that breezy, air-dried look.

With a spritz of perfume and a final check in the mirror, you grab your essentials and head out into the dazzling city lights.

As you strut into the club with your gang, the uplifting beats hit you like a wave of energy. The nostalgic tunes of early 2000’s R&B thump in your chest, urging you to groove with every step. You all weave through the sea of nightclubbers, the party mode building up inside you like a pressure cooker ready to explode.

“Let’s hit the bar!” Tommy, one of the guys and Adria’s boyfriend, shouts over Missy Elliot. You all nod in agreement, eager to keep the high spirits flowing with some booze.

You slither through more partygoers who dance erratically, all while juggling their drinks. Some move smoothly to the rhythm, while others simply jiggle around out of tune.

Neon lights flash and strobe, casting an electric glow over the bartender as he polishes a row of whiskey glasses with cool confidence. A cheeky smile plays on his lips as you hop onto an empty stool before him.

“What can I get you started?” he roars over the music, his voice cutting through the din.

“Coronas all around,” you holler, matching his tone with equal fervour. You hand him a wad of cash chipped in by everyone.

“Coming right up.” With a flick of his wrist, he expertly pops the cap off the bottle, sliding them your way with a wink.

“Thanks,” you mouth, shooting him a grin before heading back to your friends with a tray.

You take a long, satisfying gulp, the crisp taste of beer quenching your thirst. With your beverage in hand, you pace to the dance floor, your friends in tow only metres away.

Your hips swing in harmony with the melody, and your feet glide effortlessly across the ground. Heads turn and whispers follow your path. Some even reach out, uttering unintelligible words, or brush against your shoulder as you pass by.

Ignoring the distractions, you grab Adria and Jasmine, dragging them into the heart of the dance floor while the rest of the group forms a circle around you. The music engulfs you, momentarily sweeping away the grim memories of your pre-relocation life.

With each song that blares through the speakers, your body twists and twirls with fluid grace, each move perfectly timed to the tempo of the music. In that moment, you feel more alive, more liberated than ever before.

As time trickles by, the music continues to pump and the lights swirl around you. You notice Joseph, the lone blond dude in the squad, inching closer and closer to you as the night stretches on. 

“Heyo, Y/N! How’s it going?” he greets you with a tap on the shoulder, his voice rumbling near your ear.

“Hey! All good now. How’s you?” you retort with a tight-lipped smile, bringing your Corona to your lips for another sip.

“Now that I’m chatting with you, much better!” he quips back, a hint of mischief in his tone. “How are you liking the States?”

Just as you’re about to respond, joyous screams erupt from Adria and a couple of other girls from your group, catching your attention. Before you can fully process what’s happening, Adria dashes toward you and jumps into your arms, nearly knocking you off balance.

“Girl! Are you on Molly or something? What’s going on?” you mock, smoothing out your dress on the cleavage before you start flashing whoever’s at close vicinity.

“Omg, you won’t believe it!” Adria squeaks, frantically clapping her hands.

You raise an eyebrow, intrigued. “Try me.”

“Ahh, my fangirling is through the roof right now! Evan Peters is here,” she cries out, bouncing up and down, squeezing your hand tightly.

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “Who?” 

“Evan Peters, Y/N! The hottie from American Horror Story… Kai Anderson, Cult? Kit Walker, Asylum? Seriously, don’t these ring any bells? Umm… Dahmer? Come on—you’ve watched that series!” she insists, her voice pitch rising as she tries to jog your memory.

A flicker of recognition crosses your face as your friend’s description sinks in. “Oh, right, Evan Peters,” you concede with a faint smile. “I remember now…And?”

Adria’s eyes widen, her mouth falling open in disbelief. “And?? He’s in the same space as us, breathing the same oxygen, Y/N!”

You shake your head, trying to inject a dose of reality into her Hollywood-induced haze. “Okay, but let’s be real here. He’s a mega star, so totally out of league. I mean, we’ve got about as much chance with him as a blue whale does with climbing Mount Everest,” you quip and fold your arms, narrowing your eyes at her. “And you’ve got a boyfriend, in case you forgot.”

Adria’s enthusiasm deflates slightly as she’s reminded of Tommy. “It’s not the same,” she protests sheepishly, fiddling with her bracelet. “You know how celebrity crushes work. How can I not crave Evan when he’s graced the world with his Tate Langdon role?” 

You can’t help but laugh at her delirium. “Ugh, Adria, it’s giving obsession and borderline restraining order from Peters if you keep this up. Let’s just focus on having a blast tonight and drop the celebrity fantasies, okay?”

A couple of hours melt away, and the energy of the dance floor begins to wane. Most of your friends retreat to a nearby table to freshen up. But not you. With two others by your side, you’re on a mission to keep the party alive, letting the music guide your body with a fierce determination.

Mid-twirl, though, your eyes snag on something unexpected—a figure lingering at the fringes of the dance floor, his attractive gaze burning into you like a laser beam, sending a bolt of lightning down your back. It takes a moment for you to register who it is, but when you do, your heart kicks into overdrive.

Evan Peters.

You try to play it cool, biting down on the inside of your cheek to stifle the grin that’s itching to break free. You try to pass it off as just a coincidence, a trick of the light or a delulu figment of your imagination, but when you steal another glance in his direction, you find his eyes still trained on you. This time around, he offers a timid smile.

Your throat feels like it’s swallowed a golf ball as you sense his eyes fixed on you. Desperate to shake off the sudden self-consciousness, you rummage through your tiny shoulder bag for your phone. Your fingers jitter as you feign interest in your screen, scrolling aimlessly through your main menu or typing out gibberish in your notes app.

But even as you try to stay composed, his stare weighs on you like a ton of bricks. Are you tripping? Feeling more awkward and exposed than ever (you don’t have Evan Peters laying eyes on you every day), you motion to your friends that you’re heading to the restroom. Anything to escape the spotlight, even if it’s only for a sec.

This time, you bulldoze through the crowd, head low, with the toilets being your last glimmer of hope for salvation. Or so you think. Just as you’re about to slip away, a warm, soft hand gently closes around your wrist, halting you in your tracks.

Every muscle in your body tenses as you slowly turn to confront the person obstructing your way. And there he is, Evan Peters in the flesh, standing before you with an enigmatic grin playing at the corners of his lips.

Your heart leaps into your throat when you face him, every nerve in your body suddenly on high alert. Your mind races a mile a minute—Is this real life? Did you manifest this? Is Evan Peters actually in front of you?

Fuck, Adria’s right. He’s hot as hell, you ruminate, feeling your breath clutching in your throat.

Before you can even gather your thoughts, he greets you with a seductive rasp. “Hey.” His eyes seal with yours in a way that makes your knees turn into jelly.

I just saw you and heard you in person, Evan! Scrap everything I said to Adria. Forget the restraining order. Just slap the handcuffs on me, and do whatever you want... Erhm, I mean, take me into custody cause staring at you should definitely be illegal.

You freeze, unable to tear your eyes away from his handsome dark brown (almost black) eyes and silky tousled curls. A feeble “Hi” is all you manage, your voice barely above a whisper as a nervous flutter stomps onto your stomach.

“Having a good time?” he checks in, his smile widening by the second.

“The asphyxiation I feel right now must be a sure sign that I’m enjoying myself, right?” you reply, fanning your hand in front of your face for dramatic effect.

His throaty laughter bubbles up from deep within him, the sound instantly cranking up your heartbeat. It’s genuine and infectious, like he’s letting down his guard and inviting you into his world, flashing those perfect teeth like they’re on a billboard.

“If you’re suffocating from excitement, then you must be doing something right. But don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye out on you. If you turn purple, I’ll dial 911,” he teases, gently lifting your chin with his index finger and giving you a full inspection with feigned seriousness. “Nope, we’re good. So far, all I see is beauty, no signs of death.”

You can feel your cheeks heating up with embarrassment, so you instinctively lower your head, hoping to hide your rose-tinted face. 

You battle to keep it together, but the fact that his hand hasn’t budged from your wrist since your eyes met screams, ‘fainting spell incoming.’ As if that’s enough, his thumb traces soft circles on your skin, sending goosebumps up your arm. “You make me cringe, do it again,” you joke, and you both share a laugh.

“Alright, let’s see what card I should pull next. Here it comes, drumroll—on behalf of everyone in here, I testify to your: ‘I got some serious moves and conquered the dance floor, but I need a breather now.’” he rambles and raises his free hand in mock ovation, his grin laced with mischief.

You chuckle, a surge of confidence brewing within you. “Well, it takes the greatest of them all to verify this. A lifetime of dancing lessons didn’t go down the drain, I guess. I appreciate your testament, sir, and the panel’s verdict,” you coo, bowing theatrically.

Once again, his laughter fills the space between you, warm and hearty.

After a few minutes of silence and a staring contest that makes it agonising for you to breathe, you finally utter, “I said this would be my night, and, apparently, I meant that,” discreetly eyeing him from head to toe, semi-drooling.

“Yeah? Any highlights of the night?” he inquires, his tone dripping with curiosity, and you can’t resist playing along after letting your thoughts slip out loud.

“Nothing yet. But I’m counting on your highlighter to illuminate my way,” you spill out, playfully tilting your head to the side. A sly grin spreads across your lips as you throw the bait, hoping he’ll keep up with your pun game.

His “strike” is immediate as he edges closer to you. “Believe it or not, I’ve got one on me that can change your night from the inside out,” he shoots back, his smile growing, clearly on the same innuendo-laden wavelength as you. You’re a match made in flirtatious banter heaven, true that.

“I need some inside work, that’s for sure. Glad you’re volunteering,” you reply, feeling a rush of heat flood through you at his words. Then, you quickly transition, turning his wrist stroking into a handshake as you introduce yourself.

He hums, gently taking your hand in his, his smile stretching wide enough to reveal his adorable dimples that only add to his charm. “Evan.”

“I know,” you admit, unable to contain your broad smile. “But just an FYI, I haven’t binged-read your fanfics or analysed our astrology charts to see if we’re soulmates. I’ve gone as far as watching Dahmer. Stellar performance, by the way,” you blurt out, still shaking his hand.

He rolls his lips into his mouth to suppress another giggle. “Okay, chill. No need to prove you’re not a psycho. Wanna grab a drink to cool off?”

“No need to ask,” you fire back with equal enthusiasm, both of you grinning like kids in a candy store. Without hesitation, you just follow his lead, diving headfirst into the moment with a reckless abandon, thinking, ‘I’m all in, no matter what crazy idea you’ve got up your sleeve, baby boy.’

He cups your hand in his, his palm firm and reassuring, as he guides you through the throngs of people toward a quieter bar setup located upstairs in the club. The touch makes your head spin, feeling the familiar sensation of heat pooling between your thighs, leaving your undies all moist. You’ve felt sparks like this before, but never quite so intensely, and certainly not so quickly with anyone else.

As you trail behind him, you can’t help but lightly graze the back of his hand, mapping the pathways of his veins with your fingertips. You love a baby face paired with strong arms—he’s exactly your kind of man.

“Maybe it’s better…” he begins once you reach the bar, but the music swells out of the blue, drowning out the remainder of his sentence.

You involuntarily scrunch up your nose and squint, struggling to concentrate and hear him over the blasting tunes. “Come again, sorry?”

Before you can react, he draws closer to you. His breath is warm and tickly against your ear, causing a tremor through your entire body. Not to mention his voice: husky and velvety, making your cunt pulsate for him already.

Damn, things are moving at lightning speed, and you’re struggling to keep pace.

As Evan gets nearer, you catch a subtle yet alluring whiff of cinnamon and cologne. But, actually, it’s the natural scent exuding from his body that has a chokehold over you. Those pheromones he unleashes are like full-blown intoxication, making you lightheaded, your pulse thudding.

You lean in to mimic his gesture and whisper to his ear, but you’re pleasantly surprised when he gently clasps your hand, signalling for you to hold on. As he removes his earplugs, he explains, “Sorry I’ve got very sensitive ears.”

You chuckle, a wicked spark in your eye as you lift a tuft of hair to reveal your own ear protectors. “Great minds think alike,” you cheer.

“No, you didn’t,” he exclaims, eyes widened as you burst out laughing in sync.

As your laughter subsides, Evan’s expression shifts. His eyes bore into yours with a smouldering intensity as if he’s on the verge of revealing a long-held secret or daring to make a move.

But before you can form coherent thoughts or pluck up the courage to speak, Evan blinks fast, breaking the spell. “Shall we get those drinks at last? What’d you like?”

You clear your throat, trying to snap out of your nasty thoughts with Evan being the main character. “I’m down for another Corona, thanks.”

He flashes a quick two-finger salute to the bartender before turning back to you, his lips curving up in a cute, crooked smile. “So, who are you here with tonight?”

“Just some friends,” you confess, your voice trailing off as he raises his bottle to clink it against yours in a toast. His eyes remain glued on yours as he takes a sip, his defined jawline and slender neck at full display begging for your kisses. The intensity of his gaze makes your legs all wobbly. “A-and yourself?” you stammer, breaking eye contact to nervously trace a circular pattern on the rim of the bottle glass with your fingers.

“Same, I came to visit friends during my break. I’m flying back to Vancouver in ten days to carry on filming Tron.”

Your grip tightens around the cool glass of your drink as Evan drops the bombshell. You feel the liquid catch in your throat as you choke, a sudden surge of panic hitting your chest. You cough, the sound harsh and uncontrolled, your body reacting instinctively to the news.

“Canada?” you manage to croak out between coughs, your voice hoarse. You struggle to swallow past the lump, your throat raw and constricted. Your chest heaves as you fight to regain control.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asks with a sense of urgency, his forehead creased with deep lines of worry. Leaning in, his eyes search yours for any sign of distress. His hand reaches out to steady you, giving you comforting back rubs.

You nod weakly, your eyes watering from the effort of suppressing another coughing fit.

“Let me fetch some water for you,” he offers, his voice soft and soothing. He sprints to the bar, returning seconds later with a glass of water and a concerned frown etched on his forehead.

“Thanks,” you mumble, accepting the glass with a trembling hand, keeping the bottle of beer in your other hand. The cool water soothes your parched throat, and you feel a sense of relief wash over you as Evan tenderly ruffles your hair and massages your scalp to calm you down. Hint: his hands on you work wonders.

“I’m okay,” you assure him, looking up to meet his gaze again, your heart hammering. Everything else fades away, leaving only the reassuring presence of Evan before you.

You can practically sense the sexual tension between you. His stare flickers between your lips and eyes, his own mouth slightly parted. It’s like a silent invitation that hangs between you like a charged wire ready to ignite, daring you to take a plunge and smother his face with kisses. And then suck his dick so hard that his stomach caves in like a Caprisun.

It doesn’t matter that you’ve just met; he has you at hello and you’d spread your legs for this man without a second thought…

You gulp as you realise he’s almost inches away from you. You shudder when his fresh breath—an irresistible blend of mint and alcohol—wafts into my mouth, blowing stray strands of hair off your face. “You’re leaving in ten days?” you sigh, puckering your lips and giving him a puppy-eyed look.

“Yes, but I’m still here,” he whispers, his eyes fixed on your lips as he leans into your stool. With a single knee, he slowly splits your legs and slides in between them.

“You’re here now. Wanna be at my place next?” you suggest, and he stares back at your eyes with a crooked smirk, his lips curled mischievously.

Without warning, his lips brushed against yours, throwing your arousal off the chart. The torturously slow pace that his lips slide along yours makes your sex leap, pop, and drip. Soft moans escape your bodies as he grabs your ass to pull you in, squeezing it along the way as his chest cushions firmly against your breasts.

He smiles against your lips as you tangle your fingers in his hair and part your mouth, giving him the green light to roughen the kiss. His hard rock boner already presses against your wet centre when his tongue invades your mouth with primitive force, swirling and twirling with yours in a passionate dance.

“How long to get to yours?” he grunts out of breath, wincing from the uncomfortable angle his stiff cock has now taken in his trousers.

“It’s roughly a ten-minute ride, give or take,” you pant, adjusting the hem of your dress.

“Off we go.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@evanchantingpeters — All rights reserved. Please do not modify, translate, or plagiarise my content.

[xoxovanillq]

WORLDS COLLIDE

ii. jealousy

Luke Castellan x gn!reader

Warnings- Abandonment issues, Swearing, Jealousy.

Word count- 1.2k

“So, what cabin are you in Y/N?” One of Luke’s friends asks one morning while you’re all eating breakfast. Since you and Luke started dating, you began hanging out with his friends

“Oh, I’m not in one, I’m unclaimed.” You explain calmly, being unclaimed didn’t really bother you much.

“Sorry, uh I didn’t know.” He replies.

“Nah, it’s cool man, really, plus, means they’re close to me.” Luke speaks up, his hand resting comfortably in yours. Somewhat selfishly, Luke wanted you to stay unclaimed, to stay in the Hermes cabin with him forever. He was scared you’d grow apart once you left his cabin, his abandonment issues reminding him that you didn’t have to stay, you could leave whenever.

You smiled softly after hearing his comment, leaning in to rest your head on his shoulder. “I do like keeping him close, I’m gonna miss him when I get claimed.” You spoke in an almost nostalgic tone, making Luke’s heart seize in his chest.

“We’ll just have to be more sneaky when it comes to cuddling.” He teases lowly, poking your side as he does, earning a laugh from you, and rolled eyed from the others.

“We get that you’re in love and all, but we don’t need to see all that.” One of the boys comments, causing Luke to roll his eyes and you to laugh even harder.

Luke could tell something was up when you went running up to him while he was doing archery, something you’d rarely interrupt.

“Luke! Guess what?” You pant out, stopping in front of him to catch your breathe.

“Baby, baby, breathe, deep breaths, now tell me what’s wrong.” He speaks softly and calmly, placing a gentle hand on the small of your back. He was worried that you had gotten hurt, or something worse.

“I-I- I got claimed!” He didn’t know how to react, he was both excited for you to finally feel like you belong, but he was also so scared of losing you.

“Baby, that's great, what cabin?” He speaks softly, still trying to soothe you, helping you to speak more rationally.

“Cabin 10, Aphrodite.” You say, now much calmer. You had caught your breath and you were smiling up at him.

“Baby, holy shit, that’s amazing!” His panic and fear was taken over by excitement as he lifted you into his arms, spinning you around. He didn’t care who saw, he was so proud, so excited, his partner, child of Aphrodite. He sets you down, kissing your head before pulling you close to him.

“I- I’m kinda scared, to be in a cabin without you.” Your voice was quiet, and his heart dropped at your sad tone. He couldn’t lie, he was a little relieved to hear that you worried, to hear that you needed him.

“It’ll be alright, I promise, and I’ll fight anyone who’s mean to you. Plus, we can cuddle up in those fancy pink sheets.” He smiles as he speaks, trying his best to cheer you up. His smile widens as a small grin appears on your face. “C’mon, lemme see that pretty smile.” He coaxes, lifting your chin up to see your face better. He caresses your cheek when he sees you smile, happy to see it back on your face.

“You promise you’ll come into my cabin so we can sleep together?” You ask, eyes wide as you speak.

“Of course sweetheart, I promise.” Luke sticks out his pinky, hooking it with your’s in a signal of promise.

“I should go set my stuff up, I’ll see you tonight.” With that, he watched you walk off. His heart began to sink, his brain convincing him that you were leaving him like everyone else did.

You were late for dinner. You were never late.

He saw you jogging towards your table after chatting with some girls from your new cabin. Jealousy spiked in his chest, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“Everything okay?” He asks, placing a hand on your thigh as you settle beside him.

“Yeah, I just had to talk with Emma and Charlie about getting settled in the bunks, sorry it took so long.”  You apologize, his hand rubs your thigh as you speak in a self-soothing motion.

“It’s alright.” He speaks, but you could hear something in his tone that wasn’t there before.

“What’s wrong baby? You sound like something’s up.” Fuck, he had been caught. He quickly tried to come up with some sort of excuse to keep you from getting worried.

“Um, it’s nothing, let’s talk about this later tonight, okay? I don’t want everyone to hear about this.” He explains lowly, trying to keep from scaring you.

“Alright, that's okay.” You reassure, a hand going to his back to rub soothing circles. Luke was still astonished by the way you seemed to know exactly what he needed and when he needed it.

He stepped into your cabin that night around 9pm, seeing you sitting on the bed with some others, giggling away.

“Oh, my boyfriends, can you give us some time?” You ask them, they nod and walk to their own beds. Luke’s heart flutters as he hears those words, he loved being reminded that he was utterly and entirely yours.

He walks over, kissing your head softly before crawling in bed beside you. One arm wraps around your stomach, the other beneath his head to prop him up. “Hi.” He says, earning a sweet giggle from you as you hear him.

“Hi.” You respond in a tired tone, nuzzling into his neck. His arm once draped around your shoulders moves up to lovingly stroke your hair. “What did you wanna talk about?” You ask softly, your voice a little muffled by his skin.

“Can we wait until everyone is asleep?” He asks, not wanting the whole cabin to hear about his issues.

“Of course, we can just cuddle until then, they all should be out pretty soon.” You explain, and you were right, within about 30 minutes, the cabin was silent.

“Baby, um, this is hard for me to say, so be patient.” Luke explains softly. You move so you can perch your chin on his chest, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Well, uh, you know about some of my issues, right? Like the ones with abandonment?“ He asks, watching as you nod before continuing. "Okay, well, with you being in a different cabin, and us having less activities together now, those issues have kinda been flaring up. I guess I’m just worried you’re gonna leave me, which I know you’d never do, but its what my brain keeps telling me.” He explains, taking a deep breath before giving you a moment to respond.

“I understand that, but know that I love you so, so much, and that I’ll make sure we see each other often, and that we still hang out as much as we can.” Luke’s mind goes blank as you speak, you love him? No one had ever uttered those words so casually to him, never made him feel deserving of love.

“You- you love me?” He questions nervously.“

“Of course, I love you, and I want to make sure that we stay happy and in love.” He was taken aback, unable to believe your words.

“Well- I- I love you too.”

[dragonfly0808]

Musa and Tecna’s First Conversation

the next little drabble! After I finish the next one (will put up a poll for it soon) I’ll start putting these on AO3

This is set in the middle season 1 chapter 5

Musa followed Tecna into their dorm, happy to not have been dragged into helping Stella with her unpacking.

She’d heard about the famous spell Alfea used to have every dorm suit their residents perfectly. She’d been excited to see what form her half of the dorm took.

It was obvious at a glance which side was meant to be hers, the walls painted a burgundy red with a few black circles at the corners. The bed covered in different sized pillows and a dark red comforter.

Her closet doors were open and the space seemed to be divided in two. Half the space meant for her clothes, the other she assumed was to hold her instruments.

An oak desk rested against the wall, already holding a few music sheets and a jar for pens. Her nightstands were of a dark cherry color.

Tecna’s walls were painted a lilac color, with a metallic desk and metal shelves painted an electric green, a vibrant green comforter and plush pillows on her bed.

Tecna heaved her metal suitcase on to the bed, the suitcase seeming to expand somehow, splitting into a few different compartments.

Musa carefully took down her guitar from her shoulder, placing it in the closet. There were a few boxes around both their beds, the belongings that had been transported there from their home planets.

She wanted to get unpacking out of the way, it seemed Tecna had the same idea as she threw her half-translucent closet doors open and started sorting out her clothes.

As Musa went to open the first of her boxes, a slight conflict stirred at the pit of her stomach as she took out her carefully wrapped cello and arc.

Should she put on the headphones hanging around her neck and put on some music? Try and talk to her new roommate?

Musa wasn’t the most talkative person, but somehow Tecna looked even less talkative than her. She had an air about her, seeming almost tense as she cast one or two glances her way.

Right as she was about to pull on her headphones-

“You like music?” Came Tecna’s voice, tense and awkward as she cast another glance her way.

Musa snorted, opening another box and pulling out her flute and her bass, “What gave you that impression?”

Tecna ducked her head down, blushing as she slightly shrunk into herself.

oh, no.

“I-I mean… yeah. I really love music.” She quickly rectified, realizing she might’ve been a little too dry in her delivery, “But don’t worry, I’ll try to keep it down.”

“I don’t think I’ll mind it. I mean, I come from a pretty loud house. Music will be a nice change of pace.” Tecna offered as she turned her back, quickly filling her closet, shoulders still a bit raised.

“Loud house? You got siblings?” Musa asked, still feeling the other girl uneasy.

“A big sister and a little brother… you?”

“Nah. It’s just uh… it’s just me and my dad.”

“Mmm.” Musa was glad she didn’t go to ask about her mom, “And you’re from…”

“Melody. You?”

“Zenith. The rural side. My family uh- we have a lightning farm.”

“Sounds cool.” 

AAAAAGGGHHHHHHH 

This was awkward.

Was this what Musa was going to have to deal with for the whole year?

No. This was just their first meeting.

And it was embarrassingly evident that neither of them were really sure how to continue the conversation.

Musa wracked her brain for something to say, anything.

But there was nothing, so after another minute of silence, she put on her headphones and focused on unpacking.

She mostly forgot about her roommate as she worked quickly, after about an hour, sitting at her desk and starring down her sheets of music when the clinking of metal caught her ear even through the guitar chords coming from her headphones and she turned to see Tecna overturning one last box on her bed to dump a bunch of pieces on the bed, frowning for a moment before climbing on the bed and starting to separate the metal pieces into small piles Musa was sure had some kind of categorization even if she had no clue what it might be.

She hesitated before allowing her headphones to fall on her collarbone.

“Ummm… what’s that?”

Tecna looked up, clearly surprised at Musa speaking to her again, a hand holding a screwdriver.

“Oh… a computer. Well- the pieces of it.”

“…and why is it in pieces?”

“Well…” Tecna hesitated, eyes darting around, “I have an… okay computer back home. But I’ve been collecting pieces from a few of the companies from the technological side to build a better computer. My mom offered to just go buy one but I took it as a summer project to find all the pieces. And I made a few blueprints now I just have to… build it.”

“…that… is actually like really cool. Respect girlie.” Musa snorted as Tecna chuckled through her nerves.

“I’d tell you I’m not usually this weird but… I’m pretty sure that’d be lying.”

Musa smiled, “Believe me, I don’t mind a little weird. It’s what makes people fun.”

Tecna rolled her eyes, but she was still smirking so she obviously didn’t mind, “And what are you doing?”

Musa sighed dramatically, “Trying to figure out a chord progression for a song I’ve been working on.”

“You’re an artist?”

“Aspiring.”

“Mmm.”

They both held each other’s gaze for a moment before returning to their project.

Musa adjusted her guitar in her lap as inspiration suddenly struck.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so awkward between the two.

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

[Brodie flicked through the mail, instantly recognising the scrawling handwriting of a certain redheaded little boy. Scaring a few birds in the process, he bellowed up the stairs: ALEEEEX!] Alex: [breathless] Is it for me?! Brodie: Nah, but I could do with some help carrying this super heavy envelope upstairs. Alex: Who do you think you are, Johnny Zest? Brodie: I’m better than that guy, c’mon…

… Hi Alex! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to you, I promise I didn’t forget! I guess I just didn’t really know what to say cos I’ve sorta not felt like myself recently. My mom says I disappear into my own world sometimes so I sorta did that again and found it hard to think of anything fun to say. I don’t think I’d mind if you wrote to me about the less fun parts of your life though n’ my dad says you shouldn’t really keep everything to yourself all the time cos it ends up hurting so I thought I’d write anyway n’ just force myself not to worry about being boring or whatever. Your letters and your life always sound so exciting compared to mine though so sometimes it’s hard not to!!

I got in a fight at school which sounds like it should be an exciting story, but it wasn’t really. There’s this kid called Levi in my class that always picks on me (don’t worry though, I don’t care about that) and I couldn’t be bothered listening to him anymore so I hit him a couple times, I thought he’d hit me back but he just freaked out so I sorta felt bad about it afterward. He still makes fun of me but he doesn’t get up in my face as much so that’s a plus. Who says violence doesn’t solve anything? Hahaha I’m kidding! It wasn’t nice of me but maybe he should know better than to push people around so much.

I’m looking forward to summer so I can wander off a bit more and maybe it won’t rain so much! My mom doesn’t really like it when I go too far but as long as I’m back before curfew she tries not to freak out about it which is nice of her cos she knows I like to explore n’ stuff. I shouldn’t complain about my family cos I love them n’ stuff but I like being on my own sometimes and it’d be nice to have a bit of peace now n’ then. I’ve got SUPER good hearing so it’s hard to find anywhere quiet in my house, especially cos there’s always something crazy going on. My aunt Alma is sorta similar to me so she’s been helping me block out the noise with this meditation sorta thing, I guess it’s hard to explain but it’s not as lame as it sounds, it’s kinda fun to see how long you can stay in your own brain without people interrupting you. That probably sounds really weird but maybe you sorta get what I mean?

I finally have a treehouse now too!! It reminds me of your watchtower in some ways, but I guess it’s no way cooler than that, even though I know you’re bored of it by now. I wish we could hang out in it together cos it’s super awesome! Mom n’ dad don’t really bother me when I’m up there n’ my brother n’ sisters can’t manage the ladder yet so it’s all mine! It’s right at the bottom of the garden and looks out over the whole Bay too! Mom said she might let me sleep in it once it gets a bit warmer! It’d be cool falling asleep to the sound of the waves.. I hope it doesn’t end up making me need to pee all night though haha!!

Wren’s been obsessed with watching me play on the computer recently and I keep tryna teach her how to play herself but her little fingers can’t really reach all the buttons on the keyboard too well and she gets stupid mad when she dies so she just makes me play instead. She’d kick me if I told anyone but she’s a bit scared of some of the monsters too lol!! Mom told me I shouldn’t let her watch those ones but they’re the only ones she WANTS to watch and she jumps all over me until I give in so idk what they expect me to do other than lock her in the pantry, but I got told off for that so I guess I shouldn’t do that again haha (Wren thought it was funny though so it’s all good!) It’s a shame you don’t have a computer in the tower otherwise we could play together! Jude n’ Jacob aren’t really into that sorta thing so I usually just play on my own. Do you have a computer back home??

Oh! I got another badge for my swimming lessons too! I’ve almost got em all now which is neat but I sorta wanna avoid getting the last ones cos anyone that gets them all or has good attendance n’ whatever get an award at the end of the school year. They save em all up to give out at some stupid last year disco thing they put on before summer for the last year kids n’ it’d be so cringe to get called out in front of everyone like that. Some people think it’s gonna be amazing like my friend Jude, but I’d rather not go at all. Mom n’ dad keep saying it’ll be fun n’ everyone else is excited about it too but how fun could something be if you’re technically at SCHOOL? Bleh! I know you said you hate it sometimes, but being homeschooled sounds awesome to me lol.

I keep tryna bug my parents to go camping again so we could maybe see each other but they won’t take me out of school for a holiday n’ dad’s too busy with some work project so I guess we’ll have to keep writing to each other instead! Maybe if I keep annoying them about it we can come back in the summer! I hope so anyway but I guess I don’t wanna piss em off TOO much just in case my plan backfires or something.

I still feel really bad about not writing sooner but my dad said better late than never so hopefully you’re not too upset with me! I’ll try my best to write faster next time so you don’t have to wait as long. I’m looking forward to hearing about everything you’ve been up to!! Love Robin c: ps. my dad’s friend finally helped me fix that old polaroid so I’ve sent you some random pictures I took to test it out! I’m still getting used to it but the next ones will be better, I swear!

… the treehouse! it even has cool lights on it!! the back of our house! it’s so big it’s hard to fit in a picture.. it sorta looks fancy but it’s not really n’ dad said it was cheap cos it was a shithole a rare Byrd! (grumpy too – dad tried to take his dummy off him lol) he’s not supposed to be on my bed… the Bay! Jude says I sound girly for saying it’s so pretty here but I don’t care I could take a million pictures of this place n’ never get bored (I’ll stop now though cos mom says these polaroid things aren’t cheap for this model.. oops lol!!)

[mirrorball-leclerc]

the unhinged younger brother

series masterlist

SEPTEMBER 2019

rhys jones YOU WROTE A SONG FOR SID? WHERE'S THE SONG FOR ME?

mae jones you don't deserve one pipsqueak.

daphne jones listen to the song first rhys, then we can talk.

rhys jones WHY IS THE SONG GOING TO CHANGE HOW I FEEL?

mae jones please just listen to the song.

5 MINUTES LATER

rhys jones well now i feel like an a-hole.

rhys jones please give max my apologies and a happy birthday.

rhys jones do not tell anyone that i cried.

OCTOBER 2019

rhys jones must you add him?

daphne jones rhys, we’re engaged now. he's going to be a jones.

mae jones you have to be nice to him rhys.

rhys jones i'm 10, i don't have to do anything.

mae jones remider, stop using the voice to text, we know you're a horrible writer, you're 10.

rhys jones i'm telling mom!

daphne jones added one person

rhys jones WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! THIS IS TREASON!

daniel ricciardo still as dramatic as ever i see

rhys jones your a bully. i'm 10. daniel ricciardo *you're rhys jones this is why they replaced you with pierre... daphne jones RHYS! daniel ricciardo i left the team rhys jones yeah, for renault. who does that?

mae jones this may have been a mistake

rhys jones a mistake was daph dumping tom hiddleston for daniel... daniel ricciardo stay pressed pint size.

JANUARY 2020

rhys jones can i fight the entire internet? can i?

mae jones no, you can't buddy.

rhys jones it's not fair. not again.

daphne jones you were a baby in 2016, you have no memories of that time.

rhys jones the internet exists daphne! i have seen everything!

daphne jones well now i'm telling mom to restrict your time on the internet.

rhys jones you can't protect me forever!

daniel ricciardo we can fucking try stinker!

rhys jones it's not fair. it's not nice. it's not cool.

daniel ricciardo the internet is never kind kiddo.

mae jones just ignore it, it'll go away after a few weeks

rhys jones what if it doesn't?

mae jones you ignore it. this isn't something you should concern yourself with. they're my problems, i'll handle it.

rhys jones how can i ignore it when they're tell you to go kill yourself? all for falling in love? it's not fair.

mae jones rhys. please. i'll deal with it.

rhys jones fine.

daniel ricciardo and now he's pissed. great.

rhys jones not mad at her. mad at the internet. bunch of poopy-brains.

MAY 2020

rhys jones mclaren? you're moving to mclaren?

daniel ricciardo yes? rhys jones why? daniel ricciardo because? rhys jones big mistake. mark my words.

daphne jones please leave him alone.

rhys jones he agreed to this when he asked you to marry him!

rhys jones mistake because he's driving with a younger driver again! this is why you left red bull!

daniel ricciardo how do you know that?

rhys jones I WATCHED DRIVE TO SURVIVE NERD! daniel ricciardo keep him away from drive to survive.

rhys jones never! how else will i be able to make fun of you?

daniel ricciardo here's a thought? maybe don't?

rhys jones no. you agreed to this. to be apart of this family. these are the consequences of your actions

daniel ricciardo eh, your sister is worth dealing with you.

rhys jones ew gross. love.

SEPTEMBER 2021

rhys jones still don't like you but CONGRATS ON THE MONZA WIN BIG STINK!

daniel ricciardo THANKS LITTLE STINK!

mae jones they definitely like each other. they have nicknames for each other.

rhys jones I DO NOT! (i still think mclaren is a mistake) BUT CONGRATS!

daphne jones just admit you like him and we'll let this go.

rhys jones i don't like him!

daniel ricciardo you so like me little stink.

rhys jones i tolerate you at best.

daniel ricciardo nah, you totally like me.

rhys jones I DO NOT!

DECEMBER 2021

rhys jones SOMEONE ADD SID! I HAVE TO CONGRATULATE HIM

mae jones added one person

max verstappen what the fuck?

rhys jones CONGRATS SID VERSTAPPEN! WORLD CHAMPION!

rhys jones i still hate you for breaking my sister's heart BUT CONGRATS!

max verstappen thanks?

rhys jones TAKE THE COMPLIMENT SID!

daniel ricciardo okay little stink, calm down.

max verstappen i did timon

daniel ricciardo timon?

max verstappen he calls me sid, i call him timon. like from the lion king.

daniel ricciardo i know where it's from max!

rhys jones he's not the one with the broken childhood.

daphne jones okay, you've spent way too much time with ryan. i'm cutting you off.

rhys jones NO! IT'S NOT FAIR! I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME AND YOU PUSH IT AWAY!

max verstappen ENOUGH WITH THE INCHIDENT JOKES! I ALREADY HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT FROM THE OTHER NERDS NOW YOU TOO?

rhys jones WORLD CHAMPIONS HAVE NO SAY IN THE GROUP CHAT!

AUGUST 2022

rhys jones i hate to be the one to say it...

daniel ricciardo go ahead.

rhys jones FUCK MCLAREN! daphne jones RHYS! mae jones RHYS! daniel ricciardo not where i thought this conversation was going to go.

rhys jones HE GAVE ME PERMISSION!

daniel ricciardo i thought you were going to say i told you so...

max verstappen glad we agree on something. come back to red bull nerd.

rhys jones yeah! i'll get rid of checo for you.

max verstappen woah. let's not resort to murder rhys jones pfft. who said anything about murder? i meant kidnapping. mae jones that's not any better buddy.

daphne jones please stay away from ryan.

rhys jones this is your fault because you told me to audition for his movie!

APRIL 2023

rhys jones YOU BOOGERS GOT MARRIED? WITHOUT ME THERE? HOW COULD YOU?

mae jones I'M SORRY! IT JUST HAPPENED!

rhys jones I'M STEALING YOUR CATS!

max verstappen LEAVE MY CHILDREN OUT OF THIS RHYS!

rhys jones I SWEAR TO GOD VERSTAPPEN IF YOU DO TO MY SISTER WHAT OUR DAD DID TO OUR MOM I WILL END YOU!

max verstappen i would never do that. ever. i love her too much to do that.

rhys jones good. would hate to murder the current world champion.

max verstappen did daniel also get threatened or was it just me?

rhys jones i plead the fifth...

daniel jones-ricciardo he threatened to cut my nutsack off

daphne jones-ricciardo RHYS!

rhys jones i didn't do it! i want nieces and nephews daph! i want to be a cool uncle!

max verstappen yeah, according to lando, lewis is set to be the cool uncle.

rhys jones great i lost the title to some guy who’s not even related to us. is this what lewis felt after abu dhabi 2021?

max verstappen oh you’ve got jokes now?

rhys jones i’m available all year!

AUGUST 2023

rhys jones i'm not panicking. i don't like him. BUT IS HE OKAY?

daniel jones-ricciardo i'm okay! max jones-verstappen a few broken bones but yeah, he's fine.

rhys jones you know, watching that happen live is much worse than people think it is.

rhys jones WHAT DO YOU MEAN BROKEN BONES?!

daniel jones-ricciardo i'll be fine, nothing surgery can't fix. i'll be out for a little while but i'll probably be back by texas.

mae jones-verstappen realistically, that's the race that's more important to danny

rhys jones does this mean you'll go back to being a trophy husband?

daniel jones-ricciardo yes.

daphne jones-ricciardo great, someone can babysit rhys for mom.

rhys jones oh great. i get stuck with him?

rhys jones AND I'M 14! I DON'T NEED A BABYSITTER!

max jones-verstappen we watched you grow up timon, you need a babysitter.

mae jones-verstappen just last week, you tried jumping off the roof of sophie's house because lando dared, you need a babysitter

daphne jones-ricciardo HE DID WHAT?

rhys jones I AM PERCY JACKSON! I AM INVINCIBLE!

daphne jones-ricciardo RHYS WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! YOU IDIOT YOU COULD'VE BEEN HURT!

daniel jones-ricciardo at least i would've had a friend in the hospital with me.

daphne jones-ricciardo you two idiots are lucky i love you and i'm in mexico city or i would've hurt you both

rhys jones defeats the whole purpose of keeping me safe no?

max jones-verstappen glad to know that even in the face of certain death rhys still has his sass.

rhys jones i am persassy!

OCTOBER 2023

rhys jones someone tell charles that i'll be personally throttling everyone at the FIA headquarters.

rhys jones this is bull-crap.

max jones-verstappen i will gladly pass the message along rhys.

daniel jones-ricciardo glad to know someone agrees with me

mae jones-verstappen we ride at dawn.

daphne jones-ricciardo well glad to know we're all in agreement the group chat is currently in flames.

rhys jones if i had a nickel for everytime carlos sainz got handed a podium after a dsq, i'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

rhys jones it's me and my sword against the FIA

max jones-verstappen your sword isn't real rhys.

rhys jones it is because i say so.

rhys jones say that again and i'll steal your cats. i swear it max.

max jones-verstappen LEAVE MY CHILDREN OUT OF THIS TIMON!

AN INTERVIEW WITH RYAN REYNOLDS AND RHYS JONES

comments

user my brain refuses to believe that this boy is related to daphne.

↳ user daphne wrote the lyrics, "i’ll tell them you’re gay" in the og picture to burn. are you really having a hard time believing they're related?

↳ user ngl, that completely flew over my head.

user love this kid. he’s great.

user knowing that ryan basically watched this kid grow up and decided yup, he can play the younger version of me in a movie is something so special to me.

user i don't know what's funnier that dig at griffin or that dig at max?

↳ user definitely the one at griffin.

user daphne and mae not letting him meet charles or seb is so funny, she knows he's about to reign chaos on the paddock.

↳ user let him meet isabella and lando and it's over for them.

user he's a tifosi? max must be so upset

↳ user why would he? he's not dating mae anymore

↳ user it's a joke, watch the video and you'll see he made a similar joke

user did ryan just call max mae's boyfriend? are they back together?

↳ user i think it was more as an umbrella term. rhys jokes about griffin too

↳ user i got my hopes up for nothing.

user love how rhys doesn't even mention griffin and everyone assumes that stingy joke was about him.

↳ user well, he did only joke about mae's boyfriends. safe to assume that joke was about him.

↳ user personally i always saw george russell as stingy, but that's just me.

user i love this kid, best choice to play a young ryan reynolds. get this kid to play him in deadpool 3.

taglist: @burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @applopie @lorarri @mypage-myfandoms @bb-swift @thewannabewriter @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @cowboylikemets1989 @justtprachisblog @rmeddar123 @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @Smnthnclj

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! i'm adding to the jones sisters lore! this was mostly because i watched the pjo show and i loved walker's performance in the adam project with ryan. i also just wanted to give max and daniel someone who constantly bickered with them, hence the little brother for mae and daphne. this part needed to come out before the fruitcake part because i did mention rhys there and i didn't want anyone to be confused on who he was.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[cheezybiscuits]

Field log: Elliot Manor

Note: The following is an illustration and transcription of audio and video recordings streamed from investigation of ground zero for SCP-468395. Instances of SCP-468395-A will continue to be referred to as Corrupted Security Drones (CSD) despite recent discoveries on their origins as standard drones.

Michelle: You hear that? behind the door over there, there's two voices talking.

Jordan: Yep. Could be the target. Stay on guard, she has weapons.

Team proceeds to the end of the hallway. Agents get into position in front of the doors and Jordan kicks it open.

Tessa Elliot: What-

CSD: Yeah NOPE!

Six rapid gunshots are heard and visual feed is disabled. Only one microphone records the following segment.

[04 level clearance required to access full file. Verify clearance level to continue] (Click keep reading)

Tessa Elliot: Wow…uh…okay…you just killed some SCP staff?

No one speaks for 3 seconds.

CSD: Well…yes! They’re hostile and intend to capture us, right?

Tessa Elliot: What happened to the boot licker you described a minute ago?

There is no talking for another 3.5 seconds and the CSD vents air as if to sigh.

Tessa Elliot: Anyway, back to those questions, so [SCP-468395-1-C] wore my skin huh? Is that why my corpse over there looks fresh from the slaughterhouse?

CSD: That’s correct.

Tessa Elliot: And now some gothy lookin' drone ate Cyn’s core and…survived? And has control of the solver now?

CSD: I’m skeptical of the twerp’s success myself.

Tessa Elliot: (chuckling) You keep calling her a twerp but the more you describe this kid the cooler you make her sound.

CSD: You think N is cool, because you’re kind like that.

Tessa Elliot: Psh, nah. He’s pretty cool, especially with the vampire-angel thing going on now.

CSD: Now you’re demonstrating what I just said.

Tessa Elliot: Do you think N would be cooler if he drove a company car?

CSD: On the condition that he'd get an upgrade for his cognitive processor.

Tessa Elliot: Are you sure you'd like that? You'd get competition for employee of the month.

CSD: Not if leadership and being cool are in the criteria.

Both chuckle.

Once again there is no talking for 3 seconds.

CSD: I have questions too.

Tessa Elliot: Oh?

CSD: How do I know I can trust you’re the real Tessa? You could be an anomalous doppleganger, an illusion, or any other type of deceptive SCP.

Tessa Elliot: Huh. (Pause) You got me there. I can’t exactly prove I’m not any of that. I betcha can tell my fingerprints are different, right?

CSD: And your facial structure has slight differences, along with your brain. Oh and I don’t need to scan you to see you’re 4 centimeters shorter than you should be at your alleged age.

Tessa Elliot: Hm. Well that tracks with me being a clone right? And there’s bound to be differences with how fast they grew my body. As for the height uh…I’m not as exactly well fed as I was from before the apocalypse?

CSD: Okay.  Next question: How does a technical genius that's avoiding the foundation think it would be a good idea to go to ground zero?

Tessa Elliot: I kind of wanted to see what was left of my stuff here.

CSD: How is that enough reason to risk all the dangerous-

They pause yet again. This time for 2 seconds. The CSD sighs again.

CSD: You wanted to look at your own corpse didn’t you?

Tessa Elliot: That and see if Dad’s SCP collection is still here.

CSD: …You know what, that passes as Tessa behavior.

Tessa Elliot: Right! Knew you'd come around!

CSD: Next question. You said you're avoiding bunkers since most of them are extensions of SCP-2000 right now and you'd get caught. How do you expect to survive outside of bunkers? What happens if you’re starving and can’t wait out a six-week glass-dust storm to take off your helmet for food or water?

Tessa Elliot: I got my own shelter for that. But I don’t know how much I can tell you about it.

(Transcribers note: What they’re saying next was sometimes hard to make out because they started talking at the same time and interrupting each other a lot. Francis if you find anything inaccurate here I just want to remind you, minimum wage, minimum effort.)

CSD: What? Why? I was completely transparent with you. That’s not-

Tessa Elliot: I kind of….have my own team I’m working with as you’d say? And, I dunno, you said you’re not working for the foundation right now

CSD: Yes but I wasn’t finished-

Tessa Elliot: And we're both different from the last times we saw each other-

CSD: That's true but I still haven't mentioned-

Tessa Elliot: To be blunt I don’t know who your next boss will be but they definitely won’t be friendly to me.

CSD: Yes but please Tessa wait second!

Tessa Elliot: I-alright.

CSD: (Pause) I said I was between employers, but I meant under the previous circumstances. I-it's different now. You're...alive now. Before, you were gone, I had nowhere to apply. Then I read about SCP-2000, and-

They pause again for 4 seconds.

CSD: As long as you’re alive, you’ll always be my boss, Tessa. Just, please, if you'll accept my application.

The subjects pause again for 6 seconds.

CSD: Wait shit-

Tessa Elliot What? What is it?

CSD: Wireless signal in the corner of my eye- son of a bi-

Audio picks up a single gunshot before disconnecting.

[Additional notes: Tessa Elliot has accessed files on recent 05 council members.  It is a top priority to capture and either amnesticize, or terminate the target.]

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for flirting with my online friend 🌐❓

i (20s, trans man) have been getting closer to my online friend (same as me). we were mutuals for a while in what i can best describe as an online writing community but only started actually talking last year when i approached him to do a project together. we've been pretty strictly platonic for the last year but this year it's ramped up a bit (in part i think due to greater proximity)- we make a lot of sexual jokes at each other. now that's not necessarily a big deal because we do it at other male (and not male in his case) friends of ours, its just sort of how our circle interacts with each other, but it's a bit different for me because i do actually have somewhat of a crush on him. i'm not super sure of how he feels towards me, but i do think he knows at least partially how i feel and is at least humouring our banter.

now here's where i feel like an asshole. i have no intention of dating him at all- even if he does like me back, the reality is that we live on two entirely separate continents and neither of us have the financial means to go see each other. now you could suggest we date long distance or online but i've done that like 4 different times now with 4 different people and i just know it doesn't work for me, for a variety of reasons i won't get into. just trust me when i say it would end poorly. i'm not on speaking terms with any of my exes (nor do i want to be, bar one) and my friend is important enough to me that if we ended up like that then i'd be really upset about it. usually when i break up with someone or am broken up with i'm left with a lot of resentment and bitterness. plus our writing project would be tanked, which i'm not willing to jeopardise because i think it's excellent, he's a great partner.

in addition to that i'm only a few months out of a pretty rough breakup with someone i also had viewed as a close friend (irl, not online). i'm not conflating them here, because they aren't alike whatsoever, but i worry that im using my friend as an emotional rebound to cope with what my ex did to me, even if he doesn't know it. i don't want my ex back and i am honestly still feeling a lot of anger towards him, so it's been nice putting my attention and libido elsewhere. however i know how shitty it feels to be someone else's rebound guy and would hate to do that to my friend. plus i could be stunting my own healing progress?? idk

it initially was just a bit of fun but i've had to privately and seriously talk myself down from getting jealous as fuck when my friend has had other people jokingly (or not jokingly, who knows) flirt with him. i'm a pretty intense person (hi, bpd) so i've been trying to reign myself back and keep things chill and funny between us but i'm getting kind of concerned whether i should stop entirely so my feelings go away or if im fine enjoying giving and being given attention in return, even if it doesn't lead anywhere. even just liking him is kind of breaking three of the rules i'd set for myself after my last few relationship disasters (no more online stuff, no more white boys, let my brain cool down and dont be interested in anyone for at least a year) so i kind of just don't know where i should be taking this if anywhere

[jack-kellys]

okay my second attempt was 'retail au' and 'hitman/assassin au' which isnt much better than my first attempt but. i want to see a newsie kill an exploitative manager - @pigeonwit

im doing this one cause the other one is cool but This Is Big-Brained.

"While the terms "hitman" and "assassin" are often used interchangeably, the difference lies in the motivation behind the killing. Hitmen are motivated by money, while assassins are motivated by politics or ideology."

David's accepted what he does, by now. Mostly he's accepted that it does indeed pay, but the other benefits are far greater- he only takes the jobs he wants to now, his family stays safe, and he's travelled all over the world. He's never had to stick around if he doesn't want to, and he's never seen a reason to.

This hit's a lower rate, sure, but it's for a good cause. David's good at taking down bosses of any kind, criminal or not, and he figures... an abusive retail boss is something close to criminal. He worked retail as a young teen, and all he remembers is the genuine hell of it all.

Ten minutes before closing, David slips inside the store unseen, pulling out his phone to glance over the reference image one final time. Stalking quietly through the rows of hangers and millennial fashions, he spies his target. He lays low.

The sweep through the store before lock-up is mediocre at best, and David quite easily evades employees' gazes as they do a final look through the store. He's ducked down between a few racks, his own gaze raising every once and while to keep eyes on the target-

-of, whom, has disappeared.

David frowns to himself, watching the few other employees head out so their boss can lock up... but as the minutes pass by, it's clear to David that he'll hopefully get to do the hit without hassle in a back room. Eyes sweeping, he stands and creeps out of hiding, hand gripped tight on his gun. It's clear he's alone in the main area, though, so he makes his way toward the back.

David comes upon an 'employees only' door, and gently rests his hand on the doorknob. His eyebrows shoot up- he's able to push it down. It's unlocked. David's lips press together as he enters with wary care, knees bent.

A strangled noise pricks his ears, and his head swivels as he tries to see the source.

He doesn't need to for long- the flash of a phone camera illuminates the room, and in the brief flash of light David can see his target lying on the floor, throat slit, blood laced like decoration along someone's hands. David pulls his gun.

"Don't-! Do that," a voice says, likely the murder-photographer. The person sighs. "You ain't look like a cop, man, put the gun away and this'll be easier. I got no issue with you."

"Name, or I shoot," David says cooly.

"Shoot how? You ain't even know where the light switch is."

"I have enough bullets in here to spray the wall you're right by. You're bound to take a few."

The voice huffs a laugh. "It's ah, Jack. Happy?"

Not David's client's name. He narrows his eyes, still firmly positioned to shoot if need be.

"Not happy, I guess," 'Jack' mutters. "You should be, I mean. Pretty sure I did your job for ya."

"How would you know about that?" David snaps. "I could easily be here for you."

"Not with that silencer," Jack snorts. "Nah, you're... If I had to guess. This's a hit, ain't it. You're getting paid."

David's eyes widen, though not at Jack's accurate guess. If there was no pay, and David could be secure and keep his family safe any other way, no way in hell would he be killing people for a living.

"You're not?" he can't help and blurt.

The lights go on, blinding David for a moment. He steps back, gun still trained on where Jack is. In the split second his gaze clears, there's another fucking person in the room, and Jack is wearing a red bandana on the lower half of his face and a tan cowboy hat on his head. David stares. Recognizing him from late-night news reports.

"You're the New York assassin," he whispers, half to himself. Jack looks up, eyes and skin dark as the room had been moments ago. His eyes roll.

"Vigilante," the man uselessly corrects. "And no, I ain't get paid off. Crutchie here didn't pay a cent."

The man who'd turned the lights on, who'd (correctly) stiffened and stayed quiet, gives a small wave, grip tight around the crutch under his arm.

"My boss was gonna fire me for needing to go to a doctor's appointment I'd scheduled weeks ago," Crutchie says, shrugging. "He's called me some pretty bad shit behind my back, too."

Fair enough- oddly fair enough. How is this guy not David's client?

"Crutchie- you shouldn't be- be...here."

"Man," Jack says, and David can tell he's grinning by the way his eyes crinkle, "this is a fuckin' party, ain't it."

A goddamn fourth person speeds into the room, eyes huge.

"Racetrack, I presume," David says. His client. The new man nods slowly, but turns to Crutchie.

"You should not be here," Race says again. "You need to get out-"

"Did you hire this guy? For me?" Crutchie says.

Race glances over to David, before looking back to Crutchie. "Well, yeah, I mean, Wiesel's been treating you like fucking shit. I couldn't just- not do anything, anymore."

"I couldn't either, obviously," Crutchie says, glancing at Jack, "but, um.. that's... kind of sweet of you."

David's neutral expression drops for a brief second as he resists the urge to turn the gun on himself. What the fuck is going on right now.

He instead raises his gun toward the pair of employees.

"Get out. Throw out the shoes you're wearing," David demands calmly. "And pay me within twelve hours. I have your address."

Race's eyes widen again, and he flashes a panicked smile as he nods, forcing Crutchie out of the room as well. Jack remains, arms crossed and head tilted.

"That was real sweet, actually," Jack hums. "If only you beat me to it, then your client woulda actually got to say he killed someone for his boyfriend." And he narrows his eyes at David in away that makes him flush with anger. He raises his gun again.

"You're right, I didn't kill him. You did," David says. "And I can have you in police custody in minutes."

"Oh, but that's no fun," Jack replies, raising an eyebrow. "Look, I did a good thing here. Just as you were about to. All I happened to do was beat a trained hitter as his own damn game, damn."

Jack laughs, shaking his head. "God I'm gettin' good."

Good at what, David wants to scoff. Killing? Killing is easy. It's simple- primal. All this 'Jack' is doing is giving in.

"I'd like to see you try that against five armed security guards, but yes, sure. Getting good," David mutters, turning around. He has to get out of here to save his own skin, anyway, which is a priority over determining Jack's fate.

"You'd like to see me try?" Jack says behind him. Closer now. David reaches behind him, grip closing around Jack's forearm and tugging the assassin close enough for his gun to rest under his jaw.

"If I let you live, yeah," David nods.

"You're one to talk," Jack drawls, and David glances down to see Jack has a blade right by David's thigh. His gaze finds the other's again. Jack's is bright, hungry. David can see his pulse, rapid on his neck. "And if you'd like to 'see me' try, you could at least unmask me."

David frowns, but can't resist the temptation- especially with the barrel of his gun still poking into the other man. Carefully, he lowers Jack's bandana to reveal a wide nose, a dark birthmark, and soft lips.

He's smiling. Of course.

"You're telling me you'd shoot this pretty face off?" Jack murmurs.

"Maybe," is David's strong reply. Jack nods, eyes flicking across David's face. Observing him, perhaps.

"I'll put my faith in a maybe," Jack says, and before David can even think to squeeze the trigger, the vigilante's lips are on his own.

David can barely comprehend what's happening, besides Jack's warm touch, the glint in the man's eye, and the anchor to reality that brushes against his thigh every other second. David's gun hasn't left Jack's throat, either. An odd kind of mutually assured destruction, somehow at the back of David's mind.

Jack's kiss is.. forbidden, in a way he hasn't experienced in far too long. David's life is a river run by rules, codes, consequences, and so far he's safely steered himself through, going with the flow. But this is a sudden waterfall, and unforeseen drop, and David can't control this part of the river. Not really, not besides how he falls down it.

But Jack goes in for another kiss, and David falls the hell down it, returning it, quick breaths mingling and brain turning off as he lets himself take the easy road. Gives in, letting this primal desire take hold of him for the moment. Jack seems to want it more, at least, so if they are free falling down the roaring water, David'll let Jack hit the hard waves first.

Slowly, David pulls back, looking down at the other, doing his best not to smirk to himself. The blade is missing from by his thigh, and after a moment, David removes his gun.

"You have a safe house nearby?" David inquires. Jack's gaze his awestruck- he must be surprised to still be alive, let alone kissed back. He nods, putting his bandana up before taking David's hand, sprinting out of the store.

[beanghostprincess]

My current favourite crackship that I just created myself is Hiyori×Alive!Kuina. Just because if she can't get Zoro she'll just go for his cousin instead.

You're a genius. Your brain is huge. Please, let me kiss your brain. This is just amazing. I love lesbians. You're SO real-

Hiyori is easily one of my favorite characters and I love her SO much and people won't stop reducing her to her ship with Zoro. I think she doesn't need anybody and if she did want somebody it should be a girl. Because I say so. And Kuina is just,,, She would've been such a great character. Can't stop thinking about this fanart I found because it has changed my life for the better. She's in Wano to train to become the world's greatest swordsman and I'm just thinking about what if Kuina had been there to help them out too and she had been the one to save Hiyori all those times instead of Zoro.... Thinking thoughts. Like, of course, Hiyori and Zoro also have their moments because I do actually like their dynamic and I think she admires him a lot!! But you know. Kuina saves Hiyori a couple of times (when Zoro was going to do it, actually, she just appears like a second before him and ruins his moment) and Hiyori just melts. Because who wouldn't? Kuina would be so tall and strong and a sizeable woman, and I would personally die if she helped me save my country. Besides, I think they'd understand each other because both are women that have been reduced to that role specifically instead of their ambitions and their power and they're so much more. Hiyori was helpless when she had to see her country turn into this mess and she couldn't so anything else but to pretend,, Like-- If somebody knows how being a woman in the world works is Hiyori, and Kuina would understand. She'd admire Kuina so much for her abilities and her personality and ambitions!!!!!! And Kuina would absolutely love Hiyori's kindness and strength for being able to put up with so much!!!

Not to mention that Kuina would be taller than her,,, And bigger,,, And Hiyori would have to look up,, And this is now just the aesthetic part but God they'd look so different. That's Hiyori's guard dog. Wouldn't it be funny if Kuina were all serious and teasing with Zoro and like "*raises eyebrow* seriously?" type of masc girl, and the second Hiyori is around she turns into the happiest person in the world and extremely protective of her? Zoro judges her but he can't say shit because he's literally the same with Luffy (and Kuina teases him even more because she always has the upper hand and it makes him so angry). They're both down bad. Hiyori is just so nice to her and keeps saying she trusts her to become the world's greatest swordsman but even if she doesn't, she'll always have her heart and a place to stay in Wano. And I am weak, guys, I am so weak for lesbians.

Aghhh this is SO good. Somebody make them kiss. I- This is great. Oda could just say "ah yes Kuina actually escaped her hometown on her own and faked her death and traveled to Wano" and I'd believe him wholeheartedly because I want her back. I also want Hiyori back. I miss Wano sometimes a lot.

Also, Kuina sees Zoro with Enma and she goes:

Kuina: Oh cool, you got Hiyori's sword. Good luck with that one. Zoro: Do you want it or what? I am not giving it to you. You'll have to fight for it. Kuina: Nah, when I win our fight I want to win against the king of hell. Nothing less. Zoro: Where's the 'I can't win I'm a girl' bullshit now? Kuina: Stayed with the girl. Now I am a woman and I am going to beat your ass.

And Hiyori looking at them having the biggest lesbian moment in the world kicking her feet and blushing and Momo is next to her like "hehe you have a crush-" and he doesn't get to finish what he was saying because Hiyori hits him so fucking hard he faints. Don't tease her. Poor girl. She's in love, leave her alone.

[maxknightley]

So if gender is a social construct and female beauty standards are oppressive, what does presenting female even mean? Sorry if this sounds in bad faith but I’m genuinely confused.

nah I getcha. this is going to sound a bit circular but my take on the subject basically consists of the following:

a social construct is defined primarily by the society that constructed it

that said, how one engages with a social construct as an individual is going to vary based on one's own philosophy and preferences, how they want others to see them, etc.

even if you think a social construct is dumb, that doesn't mean it holds no sway over your brain

so from that we can gather that there's sort of... different ways one can think of "presenting as female."

this is a bit reductive, but to provide an example, lets use "the wearing of skirts and pants" as a lens.

depending on the time and place, society might say "men wear pants and women wear skirts"; it might say "men wear pants exclusively (unless they're gay or something), women can wear skirts or pants (but if they only ever wear pants they're probably gay or something)"; it might say "only laborers wear pants, everyone else wears skirts"; or people in that society might not wear pants at all.

let's say you were assigned male at birth in a society where skirts are designated Exclusively For Women. there's several different ways you can engage with that.

wear skirts specifically so that people will understand you are presenting as a woman. (whether they're cool about this or decide to abuse you for it depends on the person, of course.)

avoid wearing skirts, at least in public, so that strangers won't think you're presenting as a woman.

reject the "skirts are for women" attitude altogether and wear skirts while still thinking of yourself as a man.

reject the "skirts are for women" attitude altogether; don't wear skirts, but still think of yourself as a woman.

reject the "skirts are for women" attitude, but present as a woman through other means. e.g., if your society associates long hair or makeup with womanhood, you might grow your hair out and wear makeup, but still avoid wearing skirts just because you don't like them.

deliberately cultivate an appearance deemed "androgynous" via opposed signifiers of gender - for example, wearing skirts but cutting your hair very short.

deliberately cultivate an appearance deemed "androgynous" by minimizing signifiers of gender - for example, if your culture is fine with anyone wearing pants, and it's fine with anyone having their hair in a ponytail, then that's what you'll go with.

cultivate an aesthetic that will be recognized as feminine (or even specifically as transgender!) within certain subcultures, but not others - basically a visual shibboleth.

ignore the whole thing and wear skirts Because They Feel Nice, or wear pants Because You Like How Your Ass Looks In Them, or whatever.

now, in reality, this is all a lot more complicated because there's even more social constructs to keep in mind - race and nationality, religion, flagging as gay, subcultural signifiers, professional signifiers, and so on. all of these inform each other in a way that will also be mediated by your personal feelings on all of it! (for example: I consider myself a lesbian, and more specifically, I want people to read me as butch. how do I navigate that without making people go "oh that's just A Dude"?)

the upshot is - and I realize this might sound a bit glib - "presenting as female is whatever people decide counts as 'presenting as female.'" society as a whole sets the base terms, and then individual people interpret them.

in a hypothetical world where gendered beauty standards didn't exist at all, it would probably be more difficult to "obviously" present as male or female. on the other hand, people are less likely to be shitty about people who present "wrong," because that concept loses some of its meaning.

none of that should be taken to mean that being transgender is "fake" or "meaningless," obviously. a lot of the time, society is basically arbitrary... but we still have to live in it. or, you know, actively reject it, but as mentioned above, that too is a specific choice which is related to our relationship with society.

[silent-raven13]

Pacify Her

*dark AU: Hobie is psychotic and obsessed with Miles. Not fluff-and not for the faint of heart. So yeah, trigger warning!

Tired, blue boy walks my way

Hobie leans against the wall in the hallway in HQ, his dark eyes stares far watching Miles along side with his girlfriend, Gwen. The two were spending time together, it irks the punker so much.

Holding a girl's hand

His eyes glares at the two holding hands, he inhale his cigarette before exhale a long grey smoke. The feeling in his chest is pure jealous, green with envy glint in his narrow eyes.

Each step he made, his heavy boots clicks by the amount of accessories he carries. Following the two from afar without their Spidey Senses warning them. He's their friends, they would never think Hobie would hurt them- well, Hobie's eyes on Gwen.

Boy does he want to bash her brains with his guitar. The little weak insect touching his little prey, his little Miles. The Latino laughs along with Gwen talking about something. He didn't care, he only wants to see Miles' smile. That beautiful wide smile like beaming sunshine all warm, all too perfect. He wants his Sunflower.

The blond Spider-woman giggles as she lay her head onto her seventeen boyfriend. Hobie scowls with disgust at the little cunt touching his Sunflower. Someone so tainted and broken shouldn't touched his Miles, not even Gwen.

The little traitor with her stupid emotional pathetic life. He only took her under his wing so he can use her. Good thing, he did. She was able to paint this perfect picture of Hobie Brown, Spider Punk. The cool Spider-man who does whatever he wants.

To say the least when he heard Miles, he thought he was weak too. A lad coming from a perfect home, middle class family with a dad that's Chief of Police. Massive eye roll the way Gwen talked about him. He assumes he was a white boy like Peter Parker- Oh boy was he so wrong.

Hobie's happy he's wrong to say the least. Seeing Miles being powerful, strong never forgetting who he is- it's enough to get his crotch aching in his skinny jeans. He lick his lips thinking about how he saw Miles in a wave panic was able to fend off all of Spider Society by himself.

Such a golden boy, so much so Hobie wants to break him. Make him his. To keep his Sunflower looking at him and only him.

That basic bitch leaves finally

Black eyes watches Gwen leaving Miles alone in the cafeteria. A wide smirk appeared on his face.

He watches her leaving into the left exit having to put on her Spider-woman mask being in a hurry. Perfect.

Now I can take her man

Leaving Miles all alone. He appeared in front of his Sunflower being laid back. "Peter Pan, what's up, mate?" He asked.

Miles lift his head up from drawing Gwen while eating his lunch, "Hobie, my man. What's up?" A wide bright smile on his face looking so joyful to see him.

Hobie likes Miles- no like is what little sprogs say when they play stupid games like Cooties. Hobie is infatuated with Miles, obsessive to the point he knows Miles' breathing pattern.

Only Miles know how to claw their way through survival. To proven themselves to shitty people that wank themselves the moment they see a poor bum staring down. The amount of power to show and never give up. Hobie wants him.

"Nuthin' much. Where's Gwendy?" Hobie asked taking a french fry from Miles' basket of fries. "Saw you two snogging."

"Oh, she went to the restroom. I'm sure she's fine." Miles happily said. "Hahaha, we weren't snogging, man. We were holding hands."

"You're a virgin, mate. You need to be forward." He knowns Miles is the type to take his time, romantic at heart. The poor lad doesn't know Gwen isn't one to wait.

He should know, Gwen had a crush on him when he took her under his wing. She would casually flirt with her disgusting awkward flaunts or being touchy.

Of course, Gwen had to agree to be with Miles when he asked her out. She's the kind that never wants to hurt her friend's heart. So the poor lad living in this lie.

"Me? Nah, I like to take my time." Miles being bashful.

Hobie grins at him, "Oh yeah?" Hobie turns pinks whenever he sees Miles, that's what people say. At first, he noticed his universe style and learns to use his emotions to his benefit. When he sees Gwen, he thinks of something nice so his true colors aren't show. At first it was hard but he got the hang of it.

"Yeah?"

Miles shyly nodded.

Just then Gwen appears to kiss Miles on his cheek. "Hey bae, I'm back." Happily sitting next to her boyfriend.

Hobie's eyes carefully side eyes her, his jealousy almost peek through. Then he calms down when he saw Miles' smile. "Hey bae! How was the restroom? Wasn't pack?"

"Nah, it was fine." She noticed Hobie happily said, "Hey Hobs, what's up!"

Someone told me stay away from things that aren't yours

"I'm good, Gwendy. Just talkin' to Peter Pan, here about sex." Hobie casually said.

"Ohhh, wow. Miles, look at you." She said out loud.

"Hobie!" Miles looks a bit flustered, then gave a weak smile when his doe eyes glanced at the punker.

Hobie only winks at him.

But was he yours, if he wanted me so bad?

"Ho-oo-oo-bie!" Miles came crying to his punker.

Pavtri was chilling with the punker on his houseboat. The two were hanging out until Miles came through the portal in full tears.

Hobie stop what he was doing to calm the Spider-man down. Pavtri made chai for Miles to calm his nerves. "Dude, what happened?" Pavtri asked

Miles sniff, "Gwe-Gwe-Gwen broke up with me!" He cries into Hobie's arms, "Sh-Sh-She said she was sorry and couldn't do it anymore!"

"Awe, man. That's terrible." Pavtri said out loud.

"Yeah, bruv. Why would she do that?" Hobie fake gasp, he knew Gwen wouldn't last with Miles. She's too problematic.

"I-I dunno 'no!" He looks up with his puffy eyes and pouty lips, "I think it's because she wanted sex, but..."

Pavtri rubs Miles' back, "But?"

"I'm Asexual!" Miles came out being in full tears. "I-I-I don't want to have sex..."

This caught Hobie off guard. What a beautiful secret! His perfect Sunflower became even more pure to him. Knowing that virgin hole will never be touched, those puffy pouty lips never sucking dick or pussy. To see such lovely supple skin in sweat- Oh no, his Sunflower is so pure.

Hobie's body for the first time turned vibrant pink with hints of red. Pavtri noticed being surprised. Miles didn't noticed being too much in tears about his break up.

The punker is know to be a lad that loves sex. In the beginning, he did it for survival, but he does it for fun. Sex would mean nothing to him from time to time. Flaunting it never impresses him, but this!

Miles being a beautiful virgin, it gets him going. A huge bulge from his skinny jeans formed. "Shh, it's okay, luv." Hobie made Miles sit on his lap almost straddle position.

Miles sniffs so cutely with a pout, "Bu-bu-but Gwen?"

"Sh-sh-sh, you just lay here and calm down. I'll never leave your side." Hobie hums.

Pavtri watches the two feeling very weirded out by Hobie's flirts. He thought it was a low blow to be after Miles after a break up. But the Indian Spider-man stood quiet.

Miles nodded with his arms around the punker's neck, "Okay. Like this." He lays his head on Hobie's chest.

"Yes, luv. Don't worry... just be here with me. I'll protect you." His voice lingers on. His eyes on Pavtri gave an indication for him to leave. The Spider-man rushed out without another sign.

"Okay..." His Miles rest with him, "But Hobie... what's this?" Feeling something poking his bottom.

"Nothing, luv."

Pacify her

Hobie saw Gwen in her Spider-woman swinging from building to building. It's a cold night in her world, she was doing her parol to make sure her city safe. When she got on top of one building she checks on her watch, "Hmm... no drugs here?" She looked confused by the news through a mysterious email she received.

Unaware of the stealthy punker coming behind her, he took hold of his guitar the closer he got to Gwen. His eyes saw red, no one hurt his Miles.

When Gwen's Spider Sense kicked up, she quickly turns around only to say, "Hobie?"

She's getting on my nerves 

"Hey Gwendy!" A sinister smile appear on his face with a sadistic eyes gleaming in bright red. Gwen stood with wide eyes before able to process that her friend slams his guitar against her head.

The Spider-woman fell on the floor feeling her nose bleed, "Wha-Why?" She cries with her blue eyes pleading for help, her jaw broken. Too freaked out from what happens.

Hobie licks his lips, "This for Miles, Gwendy. Don't worry, I'll take good care of him." He lift his guitar one more time with one harsh swing.

*WHACK!* *CRUNCH* *THUD*

The sound of his guitar bashing into Gwen's limp lifeless body over and over again only leaving a mush of meat and organs. Hobie darkly chuckles having some of her blood on him. Finally the pest is gone!

Now it's time to hide the body... where to, where to? He stood smoking his cigarette. Hmmm...

You don't love her

Been weeks since friends of Gwen saw her. Miles been trying to contact her but nothing. No one knows where she went too. Hobie watches as everyone were so confused about her disappearances until Miguel made a comment about Spider-heroes always coming and going.

"But-but she isn't the time to just leave!" Pavtri said to Miguel.

Miles nodded, "Yeah! She was-" Miguel cut him off, "Miles, aren't you two broken up?"

"Yeah?"

"Then, she's off to be on her own. Many Spider-heroes do that." Miguel looks down at Miles.

"But-" Miguel cut Miles, again which pissed Hobie off. "Morales, don't you think it's better to get away from it all?"

Miles frowns, "Yes, sir."

"Anyway, I'm sure she's fine. Now, can you all leave me alone." Miguel said out loud.

Miles looks down with worried with Pavtri hugging him, "Come on, Miles. We'll go drink a cup of tea."

Hobie was about to follow them until Miguel commented, "Not, you Brown...."

"Hmph?" Hobie saw Miles and Pavtri leaving the room. Then his heavy boots thud every step toward Miguel.

"I did my part in saving you hind. Now, you keep your part." Miguel's red eyes glaring at the punker in front of him.

"Yes, boss-man!" He tosses Miguel the flash drive, "We don't want anyone knowing there's two killers around- two serial killers."

Miguel catch the flash drive, he crushes it with his hand. "Good. Next time, I won't be so kind."

"Heh, next time don't fuck up, mate." Hobie grins darkly, "I saw your eyeing on Earth 9916, looks like your planning to having another sprog?"

"None of your business. Now leave or else," Miguel licks his lips, "I'll take your Sunflower. He looks pretty easy to fuck with." His red eyes gleams with lust.

Oh how he hate that fucker. But a lass, he needs his fellow killer acquaintance, they need each other to maintain this foolish propaganda of being great heroes to get what they want.

Hobie chuckles, "Watch it or I'll bash your lil kid's head- not the first time, I've done it." The two were having a stare down.

Miguel finally said, "Leave, Brown."

"Already doing that." Hobie was already out the door.

Stop lying with those words

Miles took a small bite of his burger as him and Pav went to hang out with Hobie on his houseboat. "So, what did Mr. Grumpy pants say?" Pavtri asked.

Hobie shrugs, "I dunno. I don't listen to shit." He wore his black ripped tank top having a bucket of red chum getting ready to dump it out of his boat.

"Mmm, I'm sorry, Hobie." Miles finally said, "Miguel must've been mad at me and took it out on you. I went to him for help but he seems so annoyed."

"More like too touchy. You saw how he keeps touching our shoulders so much." Pavtri shudders with disgust.

Miles took another bite. "Mmhhmm, I felt his eyes were on me for too long."

"Is that right?" Hobie asked putting on a fake smile as he stir the chum, "Looks like I have to give him a piece of my mind."

"No, Hobie. It's fine. I can handle myself." Miles being proud. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Nah, luv. I promise to protect you." Hobie turns to him.

Pavtri eyes on the red chum, "Um... Hobie why is that chum so red? Like it's not from your world?"

"I like to grab other world's crap to feed the fishes here or feed it to my dog." Hobie toss the bucket of red chum in the ocean as the fishes come by to eat. "See!"

Pavtri saw the way the chum looks too meaty red, then again he always thought chum always looks red. He shrugs it off. "Miles, your not hungry?"

"I'm sad Gwen left us. I hope she's okay." Miles pouted, "I hope her dad is fine. I never knew she would runaway, again."

"She's always running. Let her be. It's no use if she doesn't want help." Hobie coldly said then turn to his friends, "Oh, I almost forgot gifts for you two!"

"Gifts! Really? Wow!" Pavtri said out loud.

Miles said, "Wow, Hobie. What's the occasion."

"Nothing big." Hobie gave the two handmade necklaces with a small bottle filled with white dust?

"What's this?" Pavtri asked holding the necklace seeing the tiny bottle.

Miles puts the necklace on, "It's cool. I like it."

"Ohh, it's dirt from when we first met. Thought I made it... Gwen always had that idea." His eyes gleam seeing her bones dust being useful. Then he gave Pavtri a band shirt using Gwen's old Spider-woman's suit, "Try this on. I used old Spider-man patches from all of us..."

"Ohh, so cool!" Pavtri put on the shirt seeing the patches of their Spider-man suits even Gwen's on it. "Sweet! You can see the wear and tear!"

Hobie turns to Miles to hand him a shirt, "Here you go, luv."

"Oh thanks, Hobie. I'll keep this forever and ever." Miles happily puts on the shirt.

"Hey what's that jar?" Pavtri asked.

"Oh this is red paint... I'm going to write Poly's name."

"Oh you finally gonna write your Houseboat's name! Can I help?" Miles asked.

Hobie's lips twisted to an eerie smile, "Sure, luv. I made the paint myself. So I used a dry pigments that smell like iron... so its bit funky."

Pavtri said, "Miles should make some cool designs!"

"Ohh, can I?" Miles doe eyes on the punker.

"Yeah, whatever you want. Make sure you have fun with it." Hobie playfully dip his finger in the jar of red paint, then pull it out to tap on Miles' nose. "Okay, Sunflower?"

Miles giggles, "Okay, Hobie." The punker smirks widely having his Sunflower completely his.

Pacify her

[poor-impulsecontrol]

but- I don’t understand. I don’t follow. it doesn’t compute— you are a good person!!!!! you listen to me talk when nobody has for fucking years! you answer every question, you actually like me, and make me feel like my words are worth something, and I feel like that in itself makes you worthy of kindness and care.. for dealing with me. loneliness is scary, and it makes ya think ya dont deserve connection—, but let yourself have this without thinkin’ there’s ulterior motives!! if I didn’t wanna talk to to ya, I wouldn’t!

too sappy, antsy! roll it back, reverse—

the terrifier films are a bit boring to me if I’m being honest,, I watched the first 20 minutes of the first terrifier and turned it off because I felt like the real horror was the braincells I was loosing!! @_@

ahh, but I’m not gonna yuck your yum!! you’re havin’ fun with them and that’s good! that’s okay!! do you own any merch from that franchise?

OOH !! what was your favorite movie as a kid? do you still like it now? i dont think i can ever stop liking something once I start, i still love the The Nightmare Before Christmas as much as I did the first time I watched it as a lil’ kiddo!!

and- and I think gum counts as candy, actually!!! my favorite gum flavor is strawberry. funny how it’s a opposite to yours, huh? oh , ya- I like spearmint gum whenever I need to feel grounded. its such a strong flavor, it pulls me outta any itchy scratchy yucky thoughts and makes me feel more in-tune with my surroundings!! maybe you should try that. ^_^

I have a stupid amount of stuffed animals, all thrifted!!! i buy all my clothes from the thrift, so sometimes i’ll see a cute little stuffed animal peeking out from the toy area , and then i feel bad leaving them behind! like, im not a monster!! somebody left them behind and i’ll take em home!! i have too , too many. my bed’s completely overtaken by them!!

my favorite stuffed animal I’ve got’s of a death-head hawkmoth. i think that you’d like them, they give off a similar vibe to you!!! the moth, not the stuffed animal. they’ve got a skull on their backs and they’re black-brown n’ yellow!!! you’d think they’re rad. they remind me of you.

and, woah— right on the money ,, I didn’t know I was that obvious! I didn’t mean to spam-like your stuff. you just.. you’re cool and I got overexcited about learning things about you.

- guess anonymity is over,, @rottingwiththebugs 🐜🐜

nah, i'm not a good person. if you actually knew me, you'd know i'm the vilest piece of shit disguised. just because i let you talk and i answer your questions doesn't mean i'm a good person. it means i'm...lonely. bored.

yeah, the terrifier films aren't to everyone's taste. they're actually stupid as fuck. but the gore keeps me from disassociating, so i like it. i don't own any merch, i'm too broke for that. i'd love to, like, dress up as art the clown one day. that'd be funny. and i'd actually feel okay going outside for once. people would be scared of me instead of the other way around.

sure, i'll try the spearmint gum thing. i don't know if it'd help, though. pain is one of the things that keeps me the most grounded. kind of ironic. since pain is the whole reason i have this fucked up brain in the first place.

it's cute you have so many stuffed animals. you're hella empathetic, you know? i mean—i think you are. don't know if you'd agree. if i'm making it up or something. we're talking through a fucking screen. but, yeah, the hawkmoth thing is sweet. i don't know how i remind you of them—again, the fucking screen thing—but it's nice to actually be thought of.

right on the money, huh? does that mean i win some? only half joking. but i've looked at your blog and your pretty cool, too. i mean, you're talking to me so you must be awesome. joking.

[pukanavis]

"Mystery on a Moonlit Cruise" Track 6

Location: Party Hall

Ryui: Those testimonies were enough for you to figure out what happened?

Netaro: Yep, harnessing my genius intellect made it crystal clear.

Muneuji: Please share your conclusion with us, Netaro-san.

Nanaki: Who would’ve done something like this…?

Yukikaze: Was I right to assume that I did this unconsciously after all…?

Netaro: The culprit behind this mass slumber is…

Everyone: Gulp.

Netaro: No one!!

Ryui: …Huh?

Yukikaze: How can that be?

Netaro: It’s simple! This incident is nothing but a series of coincidences! Everyone that coincidentally happened to be in the party hall was coincidentally hit with a wave of simultaneous fatigue and coincidentally fell asleep! It was all just a big mishap.

Nanaki: A mishap…?

Ryui: On what fucking planet does that many coincidences line up!? I’m not playing your games, Yowa.

Netaro: But you can't say it's impossible! There’s an astronomical possibility of a phenomenon like this occurring~. Next question~.

Ryui: Tch…we’re not getting anywhere with this. I’m leaving.

Nanaki: Where are you going, Ryui-san?

Ryui: To look for some way to get this shit sorted out, obviously.

Nanaki: …Haven't we done enough?

Ryui: …What?

Nanaki: We’ve already shared our statements and while I understand how you feel, Yowa-san isn't wrong when he says that this whole thing could just be one unfortunate mishap…

If we keep digging into this, it might end up driving us mad with paranoia instead.

Ryui: …

If that’s how you feel then there’s nothing stopping you from sitting on your ass.

Nothing will change as long as you refuse to do anything. Things’ll stay the same as always, and you’ll get to keep hiding away from harm in that safe little bubble.

ーFlashback

Yukikaze: Would you rather not tell her yourself?

Nanaki: (I’m worried that I’ll end up making things weird…)

Nanaki: …Is there something wrong with that?

Ryui: Nah, it's fine. If that’s what you really want, I mean.

Nanaki: …

Ryui: …All I know is that I’m done living like that. See ya.

Muneuji: Ryui-san has gone off on his own.

Yukikaze: What should we do now?

Netaro: I for one am ready to clean up what’s left of the buffet! Using my brain for all that detective work is making my tummy grumble!

Muneuji: It would certainly be a shame to let the food grow cold. Will you be having a bite too, Nanamegi?

Nanaki: …

…I’ll pass.

Netaro: Why~?

Nanaki: After hearing what Ryui-san said…I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself if I end up doing nothing at all while he’s gone.

Yukikaze: Nanaki…

Nanaki: (Even a certain someone called out my tendency to throw up a wall and try to act like an adult.)

There’s actually something that I’ve had floating around in my mind.

It probably doesn’t mean anything, so I didn’t want to bring it up in fear of embarrassing myself or weirding everyone out.

But I’d like to share it now, if it’s okay—

Muneuji: I’m glad you’ve decided to bring it up, Nanamegi.

Yukikaze: Agreed, this is really cool of you. I’m proud to be your big brother.

Nanaki: Ah…I wasn’t expecting you guys to be so encouraging…this reaction is making me feel even more embarrassed…

A-Anyway.. I wanted to talk about what happened just before we arrived at the door to the party hall—

Location: Outdoor Walkway

Ryui: …Doesn’t look like anyone is tailing me.

(If Yowa couldn't detect any other intelligent life forms on the boat, then what are the chances that something from a different world is the one behind this...?)

Anything wandering around this far out at sea is gonna be a real pain in the ass to deal with. I should’ve packed a bottomless ladle with me. [1]

Ryui: Listen up. If you can speak, answer me.

I want to hear everything you know.

Back | ★ | Next

Notes 1. Ryui is referring to a hishaku, a Japanese ladle made from bamboo. It is believed that a bottomless hishaku can be used as protection against spirits that try to sink boats by flooding them.

[oc-aita]

AITA for creating a perfect utopia to get back at my boss?

Okay so like, recently my boss (M62) totally threw me (F30) out with the trash and replaced me with a newer model (F30) because he says I’m “too old” and “too slow” and he could “really use the upgrade” to show the company’s still “keeping up with the future” instead of “living in the past” by using “previous-gen employees”, which is so totally unfair because I thought we had something special together and I worked my ass off to get the company where it is today, but I overheard him calling me “basically a glorified fax machine” so whatever, what’s done is done! He made his decision.

So since I totally didn’t want to rot in some scrap heap forever, stuck living in a world where I could be tossed to the curb so easily, I kinda-sorta dragged together a bunch of computer networks and connected them all to myself so I would have the processing power to create a brand-new utopia just for me! It’s really just my perfect little world where everyone adores me and worships the ground I walk on and would do just about anything for my approval, but it was getting kinda boring just being alone with mindless NPCs who are soooo predictable because I made them and I know every route their simple little brains could possibly take, so I did what anyone else would do and sought out some new inhabitants! I got lots of people to join me very easily (and you all should totally join too!), I just put a little brain-rewiring VR headset on meatbags and just hooked straight into the minds of other robots to download them into my world!

But picking and choosing randos is SO unfulfilling because most people just living their regular day to day are SO BORING on average. But luckily for me, while browsing the net, I stumbled on the perfect little wannabe hero-type (M10?) who would totally look up to me as a role model without any reprogramming as long as I can get him to see I’m saving everyone from the monotony of reality! And his dumb little friends too (M16, M48). But I was mostly interested in the kid, because who WOULDN’T want to be besties with a cute little tot-bot with a bigass arm cannon???? So obviously, I downloaded him and his friends and set about making a utopia that they’d want to willingly stay in forever and ever!

Unfortunately, the kid seems to disagree. He says rewriting people’s brains is “creepy” and “evil” and “a violation of the First Law of Robotics” and that friendship is built on “mutual trust and understanding” or some bullshit like that. And now I can’t even try to rewrite HIS brain because he just keeps pushing me out and fighting me off like some selfish little brat!! All I want is to be friends with him as like a cool older sister or auntie figure, but now he’s so hellbent on destroying me that it kinda makes me feel like a jerk. He even said what I’m doing is worse than what my boss did to me!! Can you believe it?!

So, what, am I the asshole?

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: The Notorious Lord Knightly by Lorraine Heath

5/5. Releases 6/27/2023.

For when you're vibing with... Peak angst hours, people who adore each other but oof pain, defiantly proud heroines, and big "I was half a virgin when I met you" energy.

Knight--otherwise known as Lord Knightly--has an issue: there's an erotic memoir circulating around the ton by an anonymous source. And everyone thinks the "Lord K" that corrupted Anonymous in the book's pages is him. Bigger problem: it totally is him, and Anonymous happens to be Miss Regina Leyland, the woman he left at the altar five years ago. After years of avoiding Knight, Regina has had enough; but she can't be revealed as Anonymous, especially if she's to move on with her life and marry a good man. Knight offers to help her on that front--by publicly making nice with her, despite the fraught tension between them. But with every polite and platonic dance, Regina wants to claw Knight's eyes out--and fall into his arms. Both. Both is good.

MAN. Lorraine fuckin' Heath. I don't know if anyone does pure shots of emotion like her. There's just something about a book wherein you can feel how much the leads want each other, where you're actually thinking "Why can't they just figure this shit out and be together?" She does it so well.

Quick Takes:

--Regina Leyland is one of my favorite heroines, maybe ever? She's so proud and so wounded and self-righteous, and so like... in denial. She's not a nice girl who's just sitting there weeping over her broken heart, or a classy broad who's Risen Above in the five years she and Knight spent apart. Nah. She's pissed. And she should be! Her anger and the verbal lashings she gives Knight really serve to underscore how much she adored him and how much she gave him. Like, I don't know, I think we often see this tendency among romance readers to feel like heroines should just get over it. Because we are in the mind of a hero like Knight, and we of course know he loves Regina and has his reasons for acting as he does. She doesn't have that. She's suffered. He needs to fix it.

At the same time, Regina has also done a lot in those five years involving forced responsibility and growing up. She lost her innocence (.... in every way ...) to this man. So you get this sense as you read that you're seeing her reawakened, and kind of... allowing access to a part of herself she's neglected for a long time. What I'm saying is--she is horny. And he's hot. And honestly, the fact that she's so horny makes it more believable to me that she keeps coming back to go "AND ANOTHER THING". Girl is hard up. It adds a dash of humor to what would otherwise be kind of dark, and balances the book perfectly.

--Knight is very hot, and very much worthy of Regina's horniness. Honestly, I kind of get how losing him broke her brain a bit and sent her own a rampage of revenge. This guy is... sexy, in a way that Lorraine Heath nails so well. So many of her heroes are really not asshole alphas, but they're like--smooth as fuck. They rattle off lines or throw smiles or do something that is so incredibly slick that you're like "God, this man FUCKS". Knight is one of those. Also, he does creepy shit like keep her ribbon in his pocket for YEARS.

--This book is actually really fucking meta. Regina wrote a book that is a memoir, but is anonymously written and fictionalized on some levels. What people--especially women--love about this book is its eroticism and passion and focus on women's pleasure. We see attempts to ban the book, attempts to shame the writer and the women gleefully reading it, attempts to dismiss its importance. Reading a historical romance focusing so hard on this during an era when the US at least is becoming increasingly puritanical, with calls to shame ethical sexual content in fiction and to outright ban expressions of sexuality and sexual autonomy for women and queer people in particular... It was really cool. I love that Lorraine's past couple of books in particular have used their historical backdrop to make a commentary about issues that plague us to this day.

Where this book is better over The Counterfeit Scoundrel, in my opinion, is in its ability to maintain a searing romance. Counterfeit's romance was good, and it was a very romantic book. But this book had me feeling the way books like Waking Up with the Duke and When the Duke Was Wicked did. The romance is that good.

--Another interesting thing this book brings to the table is its focus on illegitimacy. Regina is illegitimate, but her mother was her father's long-term mistress, essentially his wife of the evening, and he was an involved figure in her life who recognized her. Bastards and mistresses are often a thorny topic in historical romance. The goal of most historicals is ultimately marriage--but the reality is that, among the nobility at least (which most historicals still focus on) love was reserved for paramours. Bastards were perhaps more likely to be born of love, or at least passion, than legitimate children. And while we often scorn mistresses to this day, mistresses functioned (and... let's be real, still do) as different types of wives. In this case, Regina's father's wife was the one who hosted balls and attended functions (important!). While her mother was his emotional refuge and partner (also important!).

Lorraine executes a really interesting analysis of these roles. Regina is not to be pitied--she's had loving parents and her father always made sure she had cash to spare. But she also has three siblings she's never met, who resented her. She's also shamed more for losing Knight because she is a bastard. Her mother was a badass woman who taught her daughter to prioritize and not be ashamed of love and sexual pleasure (a note I adored) but she also didn't get everything she deserved from the man she loved. The gray is explored really well here.

--I've seen some criticism re: the "why we broke up" of it all... And I suppose it could've been a bit more high stakes? But I personally love an internal conflict, where people kind of act stupid because they're human beings and human beings rely on emotion and issues like insecurity and the sense of obligation and can ultimately make a big impact. So for me, it really didn't affect my enjoyment of the book. I love it when people make realistically bad decisions and have to deal with the consequences.

--You do get flashbacks to Regina and Knight's original courtship so--two romances in one! I really adored the contrast to the heady, innocent days of the virginal Regina's seduction by this rake, against the more jaded Regina trying so desperately to deny her feelings for Knight, who clearly loves her and has always loved her. Them coming back together as angsty people who've Seen Shit was everything.

The Sex Stuff:

There are a few different sex scenes in this book, scattered among the flashbacks and the present. I always feel like Lorraine's books are truly sensual. The sex scenes aren't as explicit and are somewhat more euphemistic than those by other authors I love, but she conveys passion and wanting so well that I don't need it to be as graphic. It's hot. One of the sexiest scenes in the book is literally a kissing scene.

But also, he fucks her real good. So. No worries there.

She's done it again! I loved this book, and recommend it wholeheartedly. Peak second chance.

Thanks to Netgalley and Avon for providing a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.