#n that was like at like 7 this morning
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bro why is it so fun to not sleep
#bonk.txt#i have slept only like an hour since i woke up yesterday at like 11 n i only know the specific amount of time ive slept#cause my brother had the first jurassic park movie on in the car so we just used the last thing i remember happening before i fell asleep#(the t rex being lured away from the kids) n the first thing i heard upon waking up (ellie complaining about sexism in survial situations)#n that was like at like 7 this morning#music sounds so good rn its like those animations for lullabies where it takes them out the window or some shit before tucking them in bed#my sister told me once that being high is like being sleep deprived which i wouldnt know if its true#cause the only time ive had an edible i didnt get high from it at all ngl im still bothered by that me n my sister are allergic to the same#things so we assumed our tolerances levels would be about the same with hers being higher cause she does do it semi regularly or something#but no i was still sober n both of us were baffled still had fun watching babrbie movies with her tho
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therapist told me to take it easy this week and try to put my room n myself n my eating habits in order and try to avoid pushing myself further than my limits and consequently try not to punish myself for not doing enough and that seems so much easier when youre saying it but doing it is like. taking a math test. gives me a headache and im like dont wanna :( killing myself sounds so much more fun has anyone tried killing myself...
#txt#like . okay . i will. but also i feel so much guilt n shame all the time when im Not doing things its like . why do u have to b productive#all the time to justify being alive. why do u always have to prove ur good and doing enough otherwise u should be killed in front of the#whole town like abigail blossom in riverdale....#anyways. good morning question mark#also sorry 2 the ppl who didnt follow me for sadass bitch hours 24/7 but if youre new here ive been unmedicated for half a year now#and im currently on an epic low stage of the highs and lows of living while mentally disabled#and this blog is like my open diary. god bless though
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Mmmppphhh.., ., feel like one of those tiny shaky af chuwawas..the fuckign..tiny yappy dogs..can't dpell rn.,,
#my post#vent#i am looking at you with big wet eyes and asking if it will all be okay#my dad is having his poker game here n theres so much to get ready#i havent showered in nearly a week AGAIN bc yesterday my sister had friends over n itd be awkward#and yesterday i FINALLY talked w my dad abt laptop repair#and he said this morning wed go to the shop#ive been dreading it so bad that i didnt get out of bed til almost 10am#and hhhhhh.#it seems like hes busy af and MAY NOT EVEN TAKE ME TO THE SHOP RN#AAAAAAAAAA#its so hard to be brave 24/7#i want off this ride
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Michael Jordan taking a picture of isiah thomas coddling and carrying an embarrassed grown 6'7 Dennis Rodman around
#isiah definitely has Things up with him#but the moment u tell him ure neurodivergent he treats u like an infant#the moment the ppl sitting next to u start laughing he holds ur hand and whispers how it's not at u#these are random strangers who started laughing bcs their friend just told a joke and rveryone can see that#some random white girl says shes 'spazzing out' n u raise ur eyebrow bcs it's outdated but otherwise u rlly dont care#but isiah pets ur hand and says 'that wasnt at you. you're not a spaz. or a [rslur]' with the biggest smile on his face#he will now bring up the fact that he has an autism friend whenever he can shove himself into neurodivergent spaces & speak for them#*speak Over them*#when u stutter or fumble with ur speech just a tiny bit bcs it's 7 in the morning & u just slammed a beer last night#he will give u the most pitying look possible not in the i know how that feels way but awww u poor thing#ur brain born too hurty wurty for normal words like me :(#meanwhile he has like 999000000000000 undiagnosed illness and 1000000000 disorders
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#registeel#and now this guy is maybe a bit less interesting. from this standpoint‚ i mean. the eyes being just dots make it a little hard to like#feel *connected* to them when they're ffp'd‚ y'know? i feel like it's kind of a reductive angle. which is why i zoomed this one and the last#one out a bit. so you can see a bit of the rest of their body. it's maybe less funny but would it really have been funny to just see 7 red#dots on a gray background and have to read the tag to know it's registeel? i dunno. maybe. maybe it would've been. but i like this more#maybe the explanation is that i'm taking these pictures myself. i personally know all these pokémon and have to ask them if i have permissio#n to take these pictures of them. but registeel said i couldn't get too close. so we settled with this. hehe yeah that's why :) hehe :)#anyway. you now have the aegis cave theme stuck in your head#hi it's me from the present. saturday morning. in yesterday's queued post i came up with the idea of maybe doing a monotype run of a pokémon#game. i don't know which one yet but i wanted to do water-type. but i was like. maybe i'll liveblog it on my main blog. yesterday#and today i came back and saw those tags as i was queuing up today's 'mons and i was like… hell maybe i could stream it if enough folks are#interested. but if anyone is then i didn't want to wait that long for the queue to get to that post bc that's gonna post on like. august 18#and class for my last semester of college Ever starts back up on august 21st and i don't. know if i want to start another pokémon playthroug#h that close to classes starting. especially not one where at least one (1) individual out there might be waiting for it So i put 'em here#they'll still be on that post but. they're here. just in case someone out there is chronically bored enough that that's something they'd be#interested in. y'never know there's a lot of folks here#anyway i will now queue up kricketot. see you then… or i guess see you whenever if you like send in an ask or a message or smth…
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Jashtober Day 7- Entropy
Very very lightly based on Dream (Outro from Calamity)
#by lightly I mean I was listening to it#or rather it was stuck in my head all day#i had no idea what to do for this honestly#i planned at least like. 80% of jashtober and this one wasn't one of them lol#i had a vauge idea at around 3-4am this morning & just messed around with shapes n colors till i got to that#a vauge mess of guess work. much like dream be#or something idk#chonny jash#cj heart#cj mind#cj soul#jashtober#jashtober day 7#i dont know if this needs tag but lmk if it does!!#eye strain //#-atlas art-
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when dad makes you dinner that sounds so good but you get home and eat it and it isnt
#dogs had no braincells today at work#i was overstimulated#new girl called off AGAIN#for like the 3rd suday in a row#IF YOU CANT WORK SUNDAYS JUST SAY ITTT#we dont care if you cant work em just tell ussss#so we were short staffed in teh morning so we were late to lunch#and i didnt get off work till nearly 7#n im hungry but the tamale pie is way too salty and i hate olives#n my favorite part#which is the cheese#wasnt scooped with this#i just wanted ot eat
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I have a confession to make…
The best fanfic I’ve ever written—and the only multi-chapter, comprehensive one too—is a Brian May fanfic that I’ve been writing on Wattpad (yikes, but you gotta understand that Wattpad used to be all the rage) for the past nearly half a decade. To be entirely fair though, I went on hiatus for a long while (since 2018 I think!!) and only got back to writing it last summer.
Yes, this Brian May. Queen’s guitarist, funnily enough.
#maya talks#i have an unhealthy obsession with rockstars#you guys just don’t get how much of an issue it is#i’m autistic in case you guys don’t know already and my special interest is the history of rock music#i write pagesssss of analyses#and i used to track down and buy books about the topic for like half the usual price#which is insane considering how poor i am#but i literally cannot control it#i can sit on my desk for hours daydreaming about a certain event in rock history#and i obsess over rockstars’ lives#i can tell you what roger waters said on a random sunday morning in 1971#but i cannot for the life of me tell you what i studied two hours ago#i laugh n joke about it but it’s genuinely sad#and unhealthy too bc i think about it 24/7 to the point that i sometimes forget to eat/sleep/study#it is what it is#ig
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it looks like walmart might have b&n beat for the exclusive unit pobs this comeback. this changes everything .
#carly.txt#we have not actually Seen them yet i am just basing this off of everything being dark for b&n and walmart being Outside LJISDFLSDK#I MUST RE-STRATEGIZE......#my family only has one car on friday bc my father decided to put his car in the shop#and he needs to go to work friday morning .#so we think the play is to just go Before he wakes up. he will not leave for work before 9....who knows when he Actually will go#b&n opens at 10 and walmart opens at 8 and target opens at 7.#i just spoke to my mom she was like 'we can go to all 3 places as long as dad doesn't need the car' help. terrible influence#I MIGHT HAVE A B&N GIFTCARD THO? i need to check. much to think about
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God. I am about to plead the fucking 2nd. Bitches grab a rape victim at a bar for walking out with a cup 9f WATER. I yelled at him and he wouldn't letm3 go. You don't know who the fuck your messing with.
Imagine waiting your entire life for your Gerard Way I was Born for This Joan of Arc Twin Towers moment. You achieve it. Then a fucking rapist destroys your life and you'd rather kill yourself than degrad yourself by living on the same planet as a rapist. Not just a random rapist, but a very specific type of rapist that sits in a Hell more evil than fucking Hitler. Hitler is a safer space for me and there is no hope. Imagine dedicating your entire life to a Twin Towers moment. Then imagine fighting for your life just to get justice. Then, imagine climbing a battle against rape all the way to the top of the mountain, sacrificing your life, bloody and soul, just to loose 10 feet away from the top.
I swear and vow on my life. If I don't get justice, suicide is the only hope.
The horrific acts that have been given to me made sure that my life is worthless. I wouldn't be caught dead living on the same Earth as a rapist.
#ive lost 6+ jobs because im begging for help and no one will listen to me. i just want a fucking hug#you never know who cries themselves to sleep everynigjt and every morning#if i go to the hospital i loose my dream job and i will shoot up the fucking pentagon if i loose this job#yes i am physically safe happened a while ago#i have been running for 3+ years without rest healing or justice#i have a torn meniscus that healed improperly#i just want a hug. i just want someone to care about me and ask how im doing#i literally have an Honorary N Word Card and an Honorary Kill Card by Jesus Christ#nobody cares about me and im a fucking pity and evil for crying about rape#i cry 24/7 at work when i wake up and when i go to bed#im a grown ass adult and im acting like a “toddler” because i dont want to get raped#why is that so cruel of me to ask? how am i the bad evil guy?#im asking for it because im obsessed with horror movies and frerard#im asking for it by being naked in the streeta#im a VILLIFIED EVIL WICKED CRUEL INSANE AND WRONG BECAUSE I SAID NO TO RAPE AND EXCERCISED MY RIGHTS TO SAY NO#IM A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR HOPING THAT I COULD FIND A PERSON ROBIN WILLIAMS TO SAY ITS NOT YOUR FAULT#i just want to be alone. i want a hug. i want justice
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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I still cant get over today. A fight happened at my school 2 times in a row in just one day. like damn???
#b's txt#this is the first time i have ever seen a fight#1st fight happened at 7 in the morning and its like wtf??#Its too early for that shit#i couldnt see what happened fully cuz everyone was crowding around and jumping on the tables n shit#but i saw a girl get swung at#And she started crying too☹️#and then 3 hours later as lunch JUST begun--another fight broke out#everybody started crowding again#on the tables#but i saw the officers restraining some of the people and yelling theres a fight#shit was wild#And apparently the girl i use to take algebra with was apart of the fight??#like girl go eat lunch#shit was crazy today#thats one way to end a friday ig#i heard a 3rd one happened#But cant be too sure cuz i only heard that from some random guy passing by outside#but jesuss#i always assumed fights happened the most in middle school#and rarely in high school#So this is a first#Especially at this school you rarely hear fights#the only time i knew a fight happened was at a soccer meeting#And another that went on the news but idk if it was the high school or the college#Shit might be even a different school#anyways im done yapping sorry
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Since I'm upset at my Hyeonju getting stuck as the ceo of unis elementary, here's my kinda-realistic better 5th-8th ranks (only because I feel like the top 2-4 have been locked in for a while)
5. Hyeonju - 2001
6. Sunwoo - 2003
7. Narumi - 2006
8. Haram - 2006
Elisia would be the youngest with Yunha just two months older. This is definitely a better unnie line than just hyeonju by herself bc ain't no way you're gonna have a 01 liner and 07 liner both be in the unnie like. like. bffr. She's the only unnie in there. Idc.
I hope Hyeonju pulls a Junwon and leaves before the actual debut 😭 Take her new popularity bring it back to cignature. I don't think this group will do that much better anyways.
#dumb fuck ted talk#being a hater is my specialty#i checked twitter this morning and my heart sank. i thought she for sure wasn't going to make it or at least rank close to eighth#i wanted my cignature comeback#and i didn't want her in charge of kids#especially a fucking twelve year old. idc if she's turning thirteen soon.#from what i've heard she's literally cried on every episode. she is n o t ready to be put out there like that#universe ticket should have stopped the youngest at 09 because at least they're turning 16 soon which is far better than turning thirteen#i would say i'd solo stan but if i gotta see hyeonju in charge of a daycare 24/7 i don't think i can#free her#jin hyeonju#universe ticket#universe ticket problems#cignature#signfan problems#rain's daily issue#rain's issue for the next 2.5 years
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Sorry for posting about studying again but I'm supposed to give IPMAT along w people like these😭... Its over truly
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unexpected side effect of deciding to redesign Nisha & Artemis & Apollo as an evil punk band bc its my story and i choose the self-indulgence......im actually getting really attached to Apollo now
#i made this decision bc i adore nisha/artie both as their own ppl and also as a deeply haunting romance that wont leave me alone!!!!!#and yea apollo is there too bc she has to be#i was not super invested in her ever#like half of my plot decisions for her have been solely based on me going 'hey u know what would be funny?'#she's like one of the only villains out of the main 7 that remains a villain the entire time!!!!#i was not supposed to give her a second thought!!!!#but yea Pol has been on my mind this entire morning as i redesign her n artie#i dont think i'll attempt to redeem her still. i think she deserves to always gaslight gatekeep girlboss forever. as a treat#but wow she might be one of my irredeemable villain OCs that im invested in#its hard to explain but like. part of me making the villains i do is that i personally Dont Need to get attached#not in the same way i do the other characters#i have a very weird relationship between my Compelling Villians and my Just Villains. if theyre meant to be complex#then i'll let myself get attached#otherwise my writing process hinges on me seeing them as an antagonistic force and not a nuanced being ya dig?#apollo was not intended to be a nuanced person. she was supposed to just be an antagonistic force#but one simple(not even finished yet) redesign is singlehandedly changing my entire view of apollo#i highly HIGHLY doubt she'll ever be as important to me as nisha/artie are.....but she's defs much higher on the list#than she was prior to this morning aldjdjaks
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lamb :3
#i dont have the lamb outfit on rn but i got the makeup n its so cutsey#blinks my white eyelashes at u#used concealer n white eyeliner for eyebrows n so like bleached eyebrows white eyelashes silly gost nose woth brown eyeshsdow#out since like half 7 in the morning eith this makeup in public tho nervous
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