#i’m autistic in case you guys don’t know already and my special interest is the history of rock music

[beneathashadytree]

I have a confession to make…

The best fanfic I’ve ever written—and the only multi-chapter, comprehensive one too—is a Brian May fanfic that I’ve been writing on Wattpad (yikes, but you gotta understand that Wattpad used to be all the rage) for the past nearly half a decade. To be entirely fair though, I went on hiatus for a long while (since 2018 I think!!) and only got back to writing it last summer.

Yes, this Brian May. Queen’s guitarist, funnily enough.

[lunarfleur]

Earth 42! Miles Morales with Autistic s/o hcs!

Tagging: @juneberrie @sluggmuffin @nagi3seastorm @hiyaitssans @enchanting-violet @luvjunie @milesmolasses

A/N: I did this for my own enjoyment, okay? This is based on my own personal experiences with autism, but I tried to keep it as friendly as possible! Not everyone’s the same, you know?

This is x gender neutral reader!

I’m gonna start this out by talking about how easy it is to feel comfortable in Miles’s bedroom.

He always has his normal lights turned off and LED lights turned on because it’s more comfortable for him

So he’d let you adjust them to how you like it.

He likes lighting candles so it always smells good in there

It’s always clean so there’s no mess to overwhelm you (just bc sometimes messes overwhelm me)

And he has a small space heater so it’s pretty easy to get the room to the right temperature.

It’s quiet in there and his bed is so warm and so cozy

Would recommend.

There’s no need to mask with him. I mean it. He wants you to be comfortable with him and open about yourself.

He won’t judge you.

With your permission, he did tell him mom before you met her

In case things got overwhelming, or something just didn’t go right, he wanted to make sure she understood. (She did.)

Miles was already the kind of boyfriend who has notes in his phone dedicated to information about you

So he has one with any and all of your sensory issues typed out

He had them memorized, but it was just in case.

If you need them, he always has a pair of noise canceling headphones in his backpack for you (he’s one of those kids who carries his backpack everywhere).

Please please please let him listen to you talk about your special interests and hyperfixations!

Bros invested

It’s his favorite thing, listening to the people he loves talk about the things they love

Shows, books, movies…

I know when I’m hyperfixating on a show or movie it’s the only thing I’ll watch (I’ve seen The Mighty Duck movies at least 25 times EACH) he will watch and rewatch them with you

He doesn’t get bored either. He likes getting to enjoy what you enjoy. It makes him feel closer to you

Would definitely subconsciously memorize any signals you may give off

If you have bad habits for when you’re overwhelmed (idk if this is an autism thing for me, but like when I’m overwhelmed I scratch my skin and bite my nails a lot) he’d calmly just like…stop it?

Like pulling your hand away and letting you fidget with his fingers or clothes

He’s a very patient guy, you know? And he loves you.

And he’s so good with meltdowns? Or panic/anxiety attacks. All of the above, basically.

He’s so quick to realize what’s happening and is even quicker to get you away from what’s making it worse (I.E: leaving the room/building to take you somewhere quiet, etc.)

He doesn’t complain or get upset about anything during a meltdown because he knows you can’t help it

Asks for permission before touching you, gives you as much time and space as you need

And is absolutely there for aftercare, too.

He knows it can be exhausting. He’s definitely extra careful with you after a meltdown because he doesn’t want to make anything worse

He keeps things at his house for you, too. Fidgets, comfort foods…bro keeps a weighted blanket on his bed just for you.

He does his research. You’re not going to find any gray areas in his brain

Now, he’s a pretty touchy, feely guy

He likes holding you and loving on you, having you close to him..

So I can see him getting disappointed when you let him know that you don’t want that

But he gets over it pretty quickly

He lets you do things at your own pace and is completely open to a compromise about this kind of stuff

And Miles isn’t afraid to ask you questions, either. But if you don’t have an answer, it’s okay.

If you’re overstimulated and/or going through sensory overload, he’s gonna do his best to get you what you need

He gets that, in times like that, communicating can be hard. That’s why it’s so good that’s he’s so patient. He keeps his voice gentle and his tone doesn’t change

He’s extra straightforward with you to avoid any miscommunication

Overall?

10/10. Would recommend.

[edienotsedgwick]

Introduction again

It’s been a while since my last pinned post and a lot has changed. I deleted it cause I decided I wanted a new one.

The basics

My name is Edie

I’m from Aotearoa/New Zealand.

I’m 20

She/her

I’m autistic (likely autHD actually but the ADHD hasn’t been diagnosed yet)

I’m a lesbian

I’m an animation student on the weekdays, a musician and a essay writer on the weekends.

Aquarius sun, Capricorn moon, Aries rising

INFJ

A witch who’s extremely lazy with her craft.

I’ve been on Tumblr since 2014! You may have known me from…

Many cartoon fandoms. Too many to count. (Spanning from 2014-16)

Emo bandom tumblr circa 2017-18. Particularly the Fueled By Ramen/Decaydance bandom.

Early Scenecore tumblr in 2018. (I still have a few selfies and hit posts from then gaining notes).

Britpop/early alternative music bandom 2019-2021

And since then I’ve just kind of been doing my own thing and mainly using this blog as a personal moodboard and an outlet to post ideas I don’t want to share anywhere else. I do post about a lot of things I like, but I’m not tied heavily to fandoms anymore - I mostly just lurk. That being said though, don’t be afraid to talk if you share a particular interest with me. I always need to infodump!

What I post

Stuff I find pretty. This blog is mainly a moodboard. I keep wanting to expand out of it but I always give up at some point.

Stuff that makes my brain go brrrrr! Mainly bands + shows.

Music stuff! I mainly like to post lyrics from songs I’m writing that are a work in progress, and sloppy covers/demos that I feel aren’t polished enough for my other socials. I also do cheeky self promo of my songs that you can already listen to. You guys should stream my E.P ‘Thing Is Me’.

I’ve been aspiring to write long form essays about things I’ve been passionate about for ages. I don’t think I’ll directly post them here, but once I get my Substack up and running you’ll be able to see them getting crossposted here.

Stuff I like

Feel free to talk to me about any of these things cause they’re my main special interests!

Music history from the 60s-2000s. In terms of what specific period I’ve jumped to at the moment, I’m fixated on mid-late 2000s indie music, twee pop of any era (mid 80s-present tbh), + some of my old favourite scene bands lmao. I’ve been nostalgic for them lately.

Skins UK (yes I know how 2014 and sad of me). I’m a Cassie apologist so leave me alone if you think she sucks lmao. That’s my Blorbina and my adopted little sister who’s currently got a song + a Substack essay series being written about her. In all seriousness though, I find this show to be very misunderstood in general.

Sighthounds! I love all dogs in general but the pointy ones are my favourites. I have a Greyhound, he’s my best friend :,) When I move into my own home one day I want to have another Greyhound + a Borzoi!

This is a very casual one of mine but (in case you can’t tell from what I mostly reblog here) I love fashion! My fashion tastes span the same general group of decades that my music history knowledge does. Much like my current music fixations I’ve been inspired by the late 2000s, but what I actually wear on a day to day basis is never one particular style. I mix and match a lot.

bla bla bla DNI time

Don’t follow if…

You meet the typical DNI criteria (no ists or phobes of any kind please! Just basic bare minimum human decency)

No pro ana (one of my special interests being skins + me seeing myself in a disordered character you made the face of your little circle does not give you a pro ana free pass around me. I’m not disordered myself + I ask you don’t follow me because I don’t want to accidentally trigger anyone by letting people of your group in my space.)

Same goes for general S/H blogs!

That being said, if you are already vulnerable seeing me potentially reference any of these sensitive topics in anything I post/talk about don’t follow me for the sake of your own well-being if you know it will be triggering to you. Stay safe ILY. I do try and tag though and you can always ask me to do that if you wish.

No creeps of any kind! Please do not send me anything sexual, or talk to me about anything sexual unsolicited you will be blocked immediately.

Okay that’s everything! If you’re cool I hope you enjoy following me. Please listen to my music. ‘Edie VC’ on every platform if you want to. You’ll like it if you like twee/folk/dream pop Xx

All the tags below are for my interests, aesthetics that people could say match my vibe, as well as my face tag (if you want to know what I look like) and my text tag. Hopefully I can make some cool new mutuals.

[kimmimaru]

Thoughts about Rings of Power. Overall. Spoilers in this so I stuck it under a cut.

So, I spent this whole season anxious as hell about Rings of Power. I’m not a huge fan of twists in stories that have already been told, and due to my ASD I do have trouble adapting to new content in things I enjoy especially when it comes to LOTR. Does that make me a bad person? I have no idea. I just know that I am extremely fussy and uptight about things I hold close to my heart. Because I’m autistic I have special interests and become obsessed with them to the point where it can, sometimes, be detrimental. I’ve gotten better at managing that as an adult but as a child it was pretty intense. I was obsessed with three things as a kid; Star Wars (original trilogy), Final Fantasy VII and of course Lord of The Rings. I have consumed as much LOTR media as I could get my grubby little hands on. So yes, Rings of Power made me nervous. It would have, to a certain extent, whatever platform it was shown on but in this case it was Amazon. Amazon are well known for being money obsessed and not giving a crap about anything except making Bezos richer. So yes, I think I was pretty justified in being nervous about what was going to happen in Rings of Power. As a whole RoP had it’s ups and downs. I’ll start with the ups: Galadriel was brilliantly cast. She looks exactly like I would imagine a younger Galadriel would look like. I enjoyed her acting. Elrond’s actor was also brilliant, he has such depth and also that lightness that all of Tolkein’s elves were supposed to have. A sort of child-like cheekiness that I felt Peter Jackson’s version lacked. The dwarves...I could go on forever about how the dwarves were portrayed in RoP but for now I will just say: AMAZING. I loved Moria. I loved Prince Durin’s friendship with Elrond. I LOVED Disa. I need more of them.  Costume design was wonderful. Absolutely LOVED Galadriel’s dress in todays episode. Stunning green colour.  Still unsure about how I like the Elves’ home set designs yet. I like what we saw but maybe I would just appreciate seeing more?  Now, the stranger...or wizard as we now know (always knew lol). I was, for reasons unknown even to me, CONVINCED they wouldn’t be allowed to use Gandalf so kind of assumed he was either one of the mysterious ‘blue wizards’ or possibly even Radagast the brown as he IS a nature wizard and given the strangers display of magic through most of his scenes you’d assume his magic was nature orientated. Apparently not. They did scare me when the white robed people were calling him Sauron, I was about to switch it off. Glad I didn’t but I HATE shit like that. Wish they hadn’t pulled that stunt. So yeah that’s a negative for me I’m afraid, although a small one admittedly.  Sadoc’s death was gutting, I really liked his character. So that was sad.  Now. Sauron and the question of who he was. I thought it was the dark haired pointy eared one, everything pointed to him. So unless this was part of Sauron’s overall plot (you know, use dark haired guy as a diversion for the elves/numenor), which I hope it was, that was kind of irritating. Again with the stupid ‘twists’ I hate it so much. I don’t watch stuff to then go away feeling tricked. The fact that the ‘king’ of the south ended up being Sauron was actually very good. I am hoping that the dark haired ‘Uruk’ was actually just acting on Sauron’s orders as a distraction rather than it being a red herring for us the audience, because that would be disappointing. I know some plot twists, if done right, can be very good but RoP is based off of material that has already been written and I just have issues with sticking in stupid red herrings for the audience BUT if he was actually a red herring for the characters then it serves some purpose and I can let that go.  Anyway, overall, despite some mixed feelings over some areas of RoP I think it was pretty good. I would really like to see more of Moria and the Dwarves though, lol. Maybe next season will focus on them getting their rings.  Sorry of the long post, I have many thoughts. More than this even but I think I’ll leave it here for now. As an after thought I will add that no, I have never, nor will I ever read or write LOTR fanfiction. This is because I would never be able to capture the same magic that LOTR carries in my own writing. This is not me hating on LOTR fanfiction, write what you want, enjoy writing what you want. It’s just not for me.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Any hc for (non)binary brothers

You mean like...headcanons for their relationship/Demetri and Eli in general? Sure, I’ll take a stab at this! I have a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons for them anyways and have been looking for a place to put them, may as well post them here.

Fair warning that this is a bit of a disorganized mishmash of stuff I’ve thought up for them myself, headcanons I’ve seen others in the fandom make for them, and tropes that I’ve seen in fanfic that I really liked, so I kinda stole them to add to my own personal headcanon XD I may not be able to source all of them if asked...some of them I’m like “I genuinely don’t remember where I saw that, but I HELLA liked it” lol

~Demetri is like...RIDICULOUSLY good at coding. Eli is good at it too, but Demetri basically singlehandedly carried that coding competition they won. It was really more of a 70-30 effort, but Demetri consistently gives Eli 50% of the credit to try and help him feel good about himself and his capabilities. Demetri knows he did a bit more work than Eli, but he’s never once brought it up and he doesn’t plan to.

~Demetri looooooves cats. Like...the pretentiousness? The heightened sense of self-importance? The way they’re kinda misunderstood and often disliked because they can be mean, and don’t always show affection in the way people expect? The general air of annoyance and disdain they give off??? Demetri’s just like “yep, this is my animal right here.” XD Demetri doesn’t DISLIKE dogs, but he finds they can be a bit much sometimes, and likes that cats do their own thing a lot of the time.

~After getting the Hawk moniker, Eli lowkey got SUPER into hawks and birds of prey in general. Like he started watching documentaries on them and everything, and gushing to Demetri about how badass he thought they were. It even kinda verges into special interest territory (since Hawk/Eli is canonically probably autistic), although it’s not as all-consuming as some of his other ones. Back when he and Demetri are still on good terms, in the early days of “Hawk,” Eli rambles to Demetri about hawks and other “badass” birds a LOT when they’re hanging out. Eli only does this when he’s alone with Demetri because he’s a little scared to show THAT level of enthusiasm to anyone else, considering he’s trying to be a “tough guy” now. Demetri he still feels he can essentially be all of himself with, though. Demetri finds this new raptor obsession kind of hilarious but also kind of endearing.

~Demetri has a single mom who is lowkey overprotective and ends up coddling and sheltering him a lot. Demetri’s dad left when he was little, and his mom can be a bit overbearing because Dem is all she has left of his dad, in a sense. Because of this, Demetri definitely did NOT tell his mom Eli was the one who broke his arm. He said it was “some goon” from Cobra Kai, and said Eli wasn’t even there among the group that day. He knew if his mom knew Eli broke his arm, she would NEVER let Eli near him again, and would probably get a restraining order and possibly press charges. And Demetri just...REFUSES to give up on Eli, even after everything. He figures Kreese’s brainwashing and Kyler being in Cobra Kai are already putting Eli through a special kind of hell, and he wants to protect him from having even MORE things to deal with--in this case, the wrath of Demetri’s mom. And she never finds out Eli broke his arm--Demetri takes it to the grave.

~A little while after the Christmas party, Demetri and Eli resume their weekly sleepovers and try to make up for lost time. They decide not to pull out Eli’s Waterbed from storage, considering they both have pretty unpleasant associations with the waterbed after the incident at Moon’s party. They end up just sharing Demetri’s bed, like they used to when they were little and it wasn’t “weird” yet for two boys to sleep in the same bed. Maybe it’s weird now, but they figure as long as Demetri’s mom doesn’t blab to their friends or something that they’re sharing a bed, then it’s cool. Neither has any issue at all with sharing a bed, although they caaaaaan’t quite put their finger on why that is XD

~Eli actually gets nightmares about the laser tag arm incident more often than Demetri does. The fight will play out in a thousand different ways, but it always ends the same--with Eli pinning Demetri down and snapping his arm. Worse, sometimes he’ll have dreams that he’s beating up Brucks again, and then Brucks will slowly morph into Demetri, but Eli won’t be able to stop punching. He frequently wakes up panicking and screaming and crying during his and Demetri’s sleepovers, and Demetri just holds him and sooths him and wipes his tears off and reassures him that he knows Eli’s never going to hurt him again. 

~I actually imagine it’s on a night like one of these that they first get together--Eli wakes up from another nightmare, and Demetri is just hugging him really close and trying to reassure him, and at some point, Demetri just...impulsively leans in and kisses him. They both get super flustered for a second, and then Eli leans in and kisses Demetri super fiercely and before they know it, they’re making out like there’s no tomorrow. When they have to stop for breath, they admit they’ve always liked each other and just weren’t really sure how to say it. They spoon for the rest of the night, and are pretty much officially dating after that, although they’re kinda anxious about what people will think, so they keep it on the DL at first.

~Demetri has bad dreams too, but his are usually current--e.g. Eli reveals it was All An Act and he’s been spying for Cobra Kai, and doesn’t actually give a shit about Demetri. When Demetri wakes up from these at their sleepovers, he often can’t help but shake Eli awake, and rattle off a bunch of paranoid questions--”You actually like me, right? You actually wanted to be friends again, right? You don’t think I’m annoying? You don’t secretly hate me, after everything?” And this always kind of alarms Eli at first, because of how...out-of-character it is for Demetri to be that self-conscious about what people think about him, and for him to actally...well...care if people think he’s annoying XD But after a little bit Eli just puts his hand on Demetri’s shoulders and says “Demetri, I promise I want you back in my life.” And this is usually enough to calm Demetri down, because he knows it’s genuine, just like Eli’s apology at the Christmas party was.

~Eli is really, really terrified of hurting Demetri again. Sometimes Eli gets panic attacks when he and Demetri are sparring and he hits Demetri a little too hard. Demetri’s kind of come up with a “signal” for Daniel to indicate he and Eli need to take a break. Once Daniel figures out the situation, he’s more than happy to oblige. Demetri always helps Eli through his panic attacks and reassures him that he trusts him with his life now, no matter what happened before. 

~When Johnny finds out about this, he’s actually...way more understanding than anyone expects him to be, because Kreese traumatized him when he was young, too. He just kind of sighs like “Yeah, Kreese made me do some fucked up shit too, back in the day. He’s a bastard like that. You take a 10 whenever the hell you need, Hawk.” And honestly? Demetri lowkey loves Johnny for this. This may be the turning point that finally causes Demetri to view Johnny Lawrence with something other than mild to moderate disdain XD

~Demetri often makes a point of kissing Eli’s scar and telling him he thinks it’s beautiful. Hella corny, I know, but god knows Eli needs it. He kisses it in front of their friends, too, as kind of a way to reassure Eli “hey, I’m proud to be with you in your entirety, and I’m not at all ashamed of that aspect of you, even if you still are.” Eli definitely appreciates this, but he pretends he’s embarrassed by it and will often fall into a blushing, flustered mess when Demetri kisses his scar XD

I think that’s all I’ve got for now!!! I’ll post more later if I think of them!!!

[thorne93]

Inside the Criminal Mind (Part 14)

Prompt: You’re married to Dr. Spencer Reid of the BAU, and are a distinguished doctor yourself on the team. You’re sent down to Miami, Florida for teaching and as a side request from the FBI, to investigate a string of missing persons. When you think you’ve figured out who the unsub is, your life becomes more complicated than you ever could’ve imagined.

Word Count: 2471

Warnings: (throughout the fic –>) death, blood, gore, killings, language, disturbing mental notions, mentions of rapes/murder/etc (You know, Dexter and Criminal Minds related business)

Notes: Thank you so much to @arrow-guy​​​​​, @carryonmyswansong​​​​​, and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​ - without each of you, I couldn’t have finished, written, or properly navigated this story. Each of you helped me fish out details that were incredibly important to me. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong​​​​​ and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​… Aesthetic by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​

This is a crossover of Criminal Minds x Dexter. First time writing Dexter.

Also, the timeline is after Season 1 of Dexter, but during season 14-ish of Criminal minds into Season 15. Enjoy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You got home, shutting the door behind you and Spence all but ran from the kitchen to greet you. 

“You’re home. I thought…”

“What? That I left? Nope. Suitcase is still here,” you lazily said, gesturing up the stairs. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry… I should’ve told you sooner, because you’re right, keeping this from you only made the secret stronger and that’s not right.” 

You pressed your lips together, letting him speak. Besides, you had nothing more to say at this point anyway. 

“When I get back to work, I’m going to tell Emily about our situation and that I don’t want to be paired up with her during cases.”

You crossed your arms.

“Y/N, please… Say something?”

You uncrossed your arms and held them out. “What do you want me to say, Spencer? I’m… Look, I’m hurting here. Do you have any idea how this looks? How this feels? She’s had years to tell you this, and she waits until I’m out of the state, out of the picture to do it. I’m not…” You heaved a sigh. “I’m pissed at her because this is just fucked up. She’s married, with kids, she’s had time to say something. But you… Spencer, now I’m worried that when I leave, something will happen between you two. I have no idea how you really feel. You kept this a secret. You didn’t tell her no right away. I feel like… like now I have to compete with someone for your attention, your affection, your love.”

“That’s preposterous. I love you. You don’t have to compete with anyone. JJ’s married, she’s a mother, I’m the godfather. That’s just--”

“And if she wasn’t? What then? If she wasn’t married, wasn’t a mother, would you be interested?” For a moment, you heaved a sigh, running your hands through your hair. 

“I--” Spence started, but you held your hand up to signal for him to stop. You really weren’t interested in his answer at that moment. 

“No. My point is, I’m suddenly feeling like I can’t trust you and that our marriage is shakey. I left for this job, feeling secure in our relationship. Now, when I leave I’m constantly going to worry that you two will just break vows to be together. If you didn’t have a crush on her years ago, it would be one thing, but I can’t help but wonder if you didn’t move on simply because JJ did. Maybe you never really did, and now it’s your chance to be with her.”

“Y/N... “ He stepped towards you and put his hands on your shoulders. “I love you, and no one but you, alright? I know I screwed up, I know I did. But I want to feel secure in knowing that because I told you, we still do have trust. If I was going to act on some secret feelings, I wouldn’t have told you about it.”

You nodded. “I know… It just took you too long to tell me, that’s what bothers me.”

“It took me so long because I tried to put it out of my mind.”

“I’m sure you did. I don’t doubt that, but it’s going to take me some time to really believe that you don’t feel anything back.” 

“I don’t and I’ll do whatever I can to prove it to you.”

“The case thing would help. I really don’t want you two alone to feed her fantasies or anything while you’re working. I know Emily will be discreet.” 

“Absolutely. So, you think you can forgive me?”

“Of course I forgive you, it’s not about that. It’s about feeling like it’s safe for me to return to Miami. It is right? I don’t need to stay here and monitor the two of you?”

“No. I feel nothing but friendship for JJ.” 

“Good.” You nodded and he kissed your head.

------------------------------------------

Back down in Miami, it was two days after Spencer had told you about the confession. Things were still rocky between you two and frankly, you weren’t sure you still felt as close with Spencer as when you first went back home. This whole JJ thing had really gotten under your skin.

Because you knew he’d understand, you were standing outside Dexter’s door, after you settled in at your own apartment. You pounded your fist on the door. 

“Dex, open up, I need to talk,” you shouted. 

After a few seconds, you heard the lock coming undone and Dexter opened the door. 

“Hey, Y/N, kinda late. Could we do this tomorrow?” he asked. 

“Do you have company?” you asked.

“Well no, but--”

You pushed passed him and stood inside the entrance area.

“Yes, please, let yourself in,” he said, giving you his bitch face.

“Look, I’m sorry, but I’m not like you where I can just take out all my frustrations with a kill. I need a friend, someone who knows everything about me.” 

“What’s going on?” he asked, he could tell something was off.

“I’ve got a coworker, JJ, apparently, about a month ago, when I went up there for my boss’s wedding, she told Spence she’s in love with him. And I’m ready to kill her.”

“Woah… Okay…” he remarked, nodding. “What did he say?”

“Well according to him, he didn’t say anything at first. He never told her he didn’t feel that way. He said it was just implied.”

“Yikes,” he commented. 

“Yeah, yikes is fucking right. I can’t fucking believe her. I mean we’ve worked together for years. I trusted her, I trusted him. Now I don’t know if I can even leave them alone on a case.”

“You really don’t trust your husband now? I mean, to that degree?” 

You sighed, groaning as you sat down on the couch, putting your face in your hands. 

“I don’t know. I mean, I’m worried. See they went on a date, years ago, like fifteen years ago, long before I was in the picture at all. I know Spence had a bit of a crush on her before the date and for a while after the date.”

“Oh…” Dexter said, knowing that changed things a little. 

“Yeah. And not to mention,” you said, shooting up from the couch, pacing, “she did this while I’m down here. They said it was from this manipulation game an unsub was playing but I just think it’s really fucking funny that she waited until now.”

“Timing does seem weird.”

“Right? And I’ve got half a mind to just fucking destroy her. My marriage was fine, happy, healthy before this. Now I’m questioning and rethinking everything that’s happened between me and Spence. All the recent stuff, all the memories before now. I mean, does he want her but he just thought she didn’t want him? Now that he knows she wants him, is he going to try and pursue it? I’m losing my mind over here.”

“I don’t think your husband would ever be unfaithful. He definitely wouldn’t have waited for his friend to tell him about her feelings if he did.”

You groaned. “You’re right. I know. I know this is crazy. Even if she thinks for some reason she has a chance with Spence, she’d have to leave her husband, her kids. I don’t know, I just can’t shake the worry. I mean, who does that?!” 

“I need you to breathe, okay? Getting pissed off isn’t going to help anyone, alright? We both know you can’t and won’t kill her so just, calm down. Talk.” 

You listened to his instructions, trying to focus on your breathing, which was hard. You were still reeling from this. 

“I just… How could she do this? How could he do it?”

“Did he reciprocate the feelings?” 

“No but… he didn’t exactly make it clear they weren’t returned.”

“That could just him being a guy. From what I’ve heard of your husband, he doesn’t exactly sound like he’s got all of his social skills in tact. Take it from me.” 

You shook your head. “Yes, but this… I mean shouldn’t it be obvious, to tell someone that isn’t your wife that you don’t love them?”

He looked at you with an apology in his eyes. 

You sighed as you sat down on his couch, leaning forward on your elbows. 

“How did you two meet?” he asked casually once he sat down on the other couch. 

“You know how we met. The BAU,” you retorted, anger in your voice. You weren’t in the mood for games or stupid fucking questions. 

“No, that’s where you met. What drew you to him? Why him? There are other men you’ve worked with, other men you met in college. So why was Spencer special?”

You peered at him with a chastising gaze. “I know what you’re doing,” you informed. 

“If you know what I’m doing, then you’ll be mature about this and answer the question.” 

At that, you heaved a heavy sigh. “Fine. Spencer is… Well I’ve always been attracted to big brains, right? If a guy can out think, outwit, out know everyone else in the room, I’m already hooked. He already had his Ph.D at 23. While I wasn’t that impressive, it blew my socks off. We got to cases and he saw patterns no one even thought of. He helped this autistic child once, he finally figured out how he could communicate with us. It was… magnificent to watch him work. He often rambles and I find it adorable. The rest of the team seems to get annoyed by it, but I just soak it up. He spouts so many amazing, interesting facts. The first few times he did it, he got teased from Morgan and Prentiss...They teased him and walked off. He stopped talking, looking a little dejected. I still wanted to hear what he had to say so I said, ‘So? What’s the rest?’ He looked at me like I just gave him the world. He asked, ‘You really want to hear the rest of it? Most of the time I lose people by now.’ I just laughed and nodded and told him that most people are stupid.”

Dexter had a half smile on his face. 

“We’ve been through everything… I swear….  It was me who noticed he wasn’t feeling right when we first started working together. I didn’t know him terribly well, but I knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t on his A game. I helped him seek help for his problems. We faced the death of Emily, who was actually alive, but JJ and Hotch both made it seem very, very real. I’ve been with him while he struggles with not going back on Dilaudid.”

“He’s an addict?”

“Not by choice. An unsub gave him the drugs while he was kidnapped and he ended up hooked on them. He’s been clean for years, but when he starts to get too stressed…” 

“I can sympathize.” 

“I’m sure you can,” you noted, your tone loaded. “We’ve seen teammates die. I watched him go to prison, falsely. A psycho bitch set him up, he was in there for three months. How we survived apart, I will never know. They kidnapped his mother, they were going to kill her. God… I’d never seen Spence so upset. Hell, I’d never been so upset. He ended up strangling the woman who framed him.” You laughed. “God, that was so great to watch. She deserved far worse.” 

“Is that why you’re doing this?”

“Doing what? Getting mad? I’m getting mad because--”

He shook his head. “No, not that. Are you killing people because… because the people you chase have gone after your husband?”

“What? No. If that were the case, wouldn’t I be going after them? Not some sort of surrogate?”

“But what if they are a surrogate? You can’t kill them because it’d be suspicious and you don’t have it in you to do that. But killing other people that you feel do deserve death, it could be… therapeutic. Right?” 

You shook your head scoffing. “That’s just… No. That’s....” You looked at him, he was giving you an incredulous, challenging look. “No,” you said emphatically. 

“I’m not here to judge.” 

“But you are,” you corrected. “According to you, murder is inexcusable. So if I’m killing just to kill--”

“I don’t care what your reasons for killing are. As far as I’m concerned, your future victims are no better than mine. Yours kills innocent animals, mine kill innocent people. I can’t fault you for that.”

For a moment, you thought. “I don’t know. I’ll say all the shit that Spence has had done to him, doesn’t help me feel sympathy towards criminals, but it isn’t the sole reason.” 

Dex nodded. “I get it. Harry molded me to be what I am, I’m his tool. He couldn’t do it, but he saw that I could. His code told me there are bad people, and bad people get away. That’s where I come in.” 

Bobbing your head, you said, “And I’m still thankful that you do.” 

After a moment, he asked, “So what are you going to do? About this JJ mess?”

You sighed and fell back onto the couch. “Jesus, I have no idea.” 

-----------------------------

“Hey, Spence, could we talk?” JJ asked as she approached him. 

“Um, sure? What’s up?” he wondered.

She pulled him aside, out into the hallway in a corner. “I can’t believe you told Will,” she said, anger clear in her voice. 

He wanted to correct her, before he thought better of it. You must’ve told Will, and he felt you had every right to. So he remained quiet. 

“He was so upset. It was the worst fight we’ve ever had. I thought you’d keep that between us.” She took a step closer and her eyes glanced around. 

“JJ, I don’t know what you think there is between us, but there’s nothing, alright? Will has a right to know.”

“Yeah, from me, no one else. I was going to tell him when I was ready.”

“Why does it matter when you’re ready? I’m married, you and I are just friends. So at this point, it’s just something one-sided for you to explain to him how you feel.”

“I’m married too, with kids, that doesn’t change how I feel. It’s not one-sided and you can’t convince me that it is.”

“Yes, it is,” he definitely said. “I don’t feel that way for you, JJ, at all.”

“You can stay in denial all you want, but I know the truth, Spence.” 

Garcia came down the hall just then with a wide smile on her face. “Hey friends! We’ve got a case!”

“We’ll be right in, Garcia,” Spencer promised.

“You know I’m right,” JJ said in a low tone before following Garcia to the conference room. 

He simply stood there, staring after her, annoyed and disgruntled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[zootvootskidoot]

Bruce Banner is Autistic

(Note: these are just some of my personal headcanons. I might add more later, but I’m not sure.)

I personally don’t have any headcanons about how/when Bruce was diagnosed, but he probably went a long time without having a word to describe always feeling confused and out of place.

It cannot be stressed enough how much Bruce loved Star Trek when he was a kid. Seeing Mr. Spock, someone like him, being loved and accepted was like a religious experience for him. After Brian’s death, he largely left the crew of the Enterprise buried under unpleasant memories. It wasn’t until years later when he first saw The Next Generation that his enthusiasm for the franchise was reignited, specifically Data.

He stims mostly by rocking on his feet because it doesn’t tend to draw attention. Eye contact is already hard, and he hates the feeling of eyes on him.

He has a collection of different fidget pens.

No matter how warm it is, he sleeps with a weighted blanket. It’s purple.

He’ll use echolalia very sparingly and subtly. When he gets especially excited he’ll start repeating himself and gesturing with his hands.

Bruce has a number of special interests. Math is a big one, and by extension, physics. Human biology and anatomy are definitely up there. Biochemistry, electromagnetism, Disney, first aid, and more recently, Norse mythology.

Despite having a lot of sensitivities, he can’t eat anything that tastes bland. Spicy is good, so is sweet. He’ll eat sour foods but doesn’t like the way they make his tongue feel.

He sticks to his routine religiously. He’s awake at 5:30, out of bed by 5:45, and he’s finished his morning yoga by 6:15. Then it’s samefoods for breakfast, getting washed (showers on alternating days) and dressed, and going over his to-do list for the day. He’ll usually nap for two hours after lunch, then it’s back to whatever tasks he needs to complete with scheduled ten minute breaks. Dinner is at 6:40, then he washes up and puts away the dishes before changing for bed. From 7 to 8 is his evening yoga/meditation block, and the next hour is spent doing a relaxing activity before going to bed at 9:30.

Tony, or anyone else for that matter, pops in at almost any time, but Bruce’s sleeping hours are strictly off limits. Interrupting his sleep is setting the day up to be a disaster.

Of course, it can’t always be helped.

Bruce already isn’t too talkative. He’s semiverbal on Bad Days. When talking is too much, he’ll usually communicate via a tablet Tony made special for him, though he’s fluent in ASL.

Just because he can’t talk, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with the people he loves. Thor will talk to him, or sit and watch movies. Tony works and processes better when he talks things through, and is more than happy to fill both sides of the conversation. He’ll do it with his AI too, but Bruce understands he likes a physical presence once and a while.

Speaking of Tony, ADHD billionaire geniuses make pretty good friends. When he moves into the tower, he has a residential floor all to himself. Of course, he doesn’t need all the space, so Tony took the liberty of building Bruce a personal multipurpose lab. There’s also a Hulk-proof containment room in case The Big Guy takes the reigns.

Bruce is one of the very few people allowed in Tony’s workshop.

(I’ve been going back and forth on this one because I don’t want to perpetuate the “violent autistic” stereotype but) I really like the Hulk as a metaphor for meltdowns!!!

Hulk is 100% autistic too. He’s his own living, thinking, feeling creature.

He can’t talk a lot, and will often use the same words/phrases. He knows a lot more, but understimulation is a big barrier. A virtually nonexistent ability to multitask doesn’t help. When he can’t communicate what he needs to, Thor is one of the very few people who can understand him.

Very very very tactile stims. Lots of body stims too.

He’s incredibly protective of Bruce. Same goes for the people he feels safe with, and the people Bruce is friends with, though he does have a few reservations about some of them and doesn’t let his guard down when they’re around.

The two communicate fairly often. It’s not as much through words as impulse and emotion. The rush of happy/safe/warm Bruce gets when he sees Thor isn’t just his own.

Hulk feels when Bruce is afraid or anxious. He doesn’t like when Bruce feels that way. Bruce will tell him when he doesn’t have to take over, but sometimes scientists are stupid and don’t know when they need help.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Hope you enjoyed :)

[astargatelover]

Watching The da Vinci Code for the first time - A documentation

-  About to watch The da Vinci Code for the first time. It’s about 3AM. Back of the DVD says the movie’s almost 2h30 long. Will approximately be going to bed at about 6AM. I gotta be crazy.

- Back of the DVD also says (translated from German): In the middle of the night the (…) is (…) Langdon (TOM HANKS) in the (…) director was murdered. His (?) (…) that of the Vitruvian Man (…) is the first horrible clue (…) and symbols. At the risk of his life (something something) Langdon – and from then on it’s a normal description, it’s just that that part is obscured by the library stamp. So I can confidently say I totally know what’s going on in this movie! *serious nod*

- Third highlight of the back of the DVD: Ian McKellen, grumpy-looking monk dude and a guy looking like Palpatine. And the Louvre.

- Also in the movie: Some German I don’t know (but yay!) and Paul Bettany. He’s cool; I really liked him in A Knight’s Tale.

- Let’s get this show on the road!

- …gotta update my media player. One sec!

- There we go. …where’s the always-on-top button? Ah, found it! Light’s off in my room; cinema time.

- Music’s already nice in the menu.

- Audio: English. (More nice music.) Subtitles: (Hey, they have Turkish on offer!) Off.

- (They even have subtitles for the trailers. But no extras. Am miffed. What kind of bare-bones DVD is this?!)

- 20 minutes after the first “about” up there: Play movie.

- Fancy title cards.

- Dude running. He’s gonna die; I know that much.

- Paul!

- *sigh*

- Oooooh, it’s Robert. That’s a lot of applause.

- (Btw, in case you didn’t know: I have watched Angels & Demons because I love Ernesto Olivetti a crazy amount.)

- I like Robert. Awesome presentation.

- Also like Tom Hanks. He’s great.

- Accents, y’all.

- Latin? Latin. Italian? No, definitely Latin.

- Ouch. Self-flagellation. Ooooooouch. Some religious people are crazy.

- Dude, you can barely stand. I’m a sadist and I don’t want you doing that to you.

- We’re only 10 minutes in, my goodness.

- Claustrophobia! I relate to that.

- Just let the dude take the stairs.

- Wow.

- Priests.

- Have I mentioned I’m not a big fan of catholics? Nothing personal.

- Also: Autistic Langdon, symbology special interest.

- French.

- Sophie! Heard of her.

- Strange happenings.

- Oooooooooh.

- French lady. I don’t speak French.

- *window jump scare*

- We don’t trust the police guy.

- Conspiracies!

- Fuck.

- “Once he starts, he doesn’t stop.” He’s like Javert.

- Climb out the window?

- More French.

- Oooooooh! They’re so tricking them, aren’t they? They’re not dumb.

- Bye bye!

- I’m sorry for Sophie.

- (I saw that part where her grandfather got shot years ago.)

- Here we go with the anagrams.

- Eidetic memory (pretty much) - firms up my autism headcanon.

- Can you even get that close to the Mona Lisa irl?

- Tom Hanks has a really nice nose. xD

- Langdon’s so good with anagrams.

- It’s like a scavenger hunt.

- Ooh, Musketeer symbol.

- Chase music!

- Flashback with crazy meetings.

- A smart! I get to bop someone now.

- Ooh, Les Mis.

- Backwards! That’s impressive.

- She’s so gonna make it.

- She made it!

- Bye bye, mirror.

- Paul’s looking angry.

- Someone got stabbed. I sense guilt.

- More dead people.

- Holy water.

- A nun.

- A rose line.

- Is he gonna kill her? She seems nervous.

- MORE FRENCH.

- Red light zone.

- (It’s raining outside. Kinda sets the mood.)

- You stay away from that dude, nun.

- Saving a junkie?

- (Sophie’s a really nice name, btw.)

- He rambles when he gets the chance so much. Really reminds me of special interests. (And in case anyone takes issue with that, I should know. I’m autistic. I have them.)

- My parents just watched Knightfall. Now I know some about the templars’ fall.

- Sophie didn’t know they were supposed to protect the Holy Grail? Really? Huh.

- Moooooore French.

- Please don’t die, nun.

- That’s some scar under his eye.

- Those look like some anger issues.

- It’s the grumpy-looking monk dude.

- Seriously, I understand more Latin than French.

-  “Blood is being spilled” as he’s spilling wine, that’s great.

- Freeeeeeeeeench.

- “I don’t think he liked me very much. He once made a joke at my expense.” I relate to this guy so hard on the autism level.

- It’s the German dude.

- That’s some system they’ve got at that bank.

- You call that a rose?

- I’m with Langdon here. Safe passage?

- Aww, poor guy. I’ve got claustrophobia, too, and I haven’t even got a traumatizing event behind me. (I read that somewhere.)

- I like the driver.

- A lot. Nice one with the watch.

- Langdon, you look sick. Please don’t die, y’all.

- JESUS CHRIST.

- Poor Sophie. </3 Woah.

- How tf did that truck get there?

- That bullet. Smaaart move. *thumbs up*

- Ouch.

- Bye bye again.

- Do I like the police captain? I don’t know.

- The tea convo. xD

- Is Langdon like this in the books? I hope he is.

- How old is Sophie? *googles Audrey Tatou* (Ooh, Amélie!) *checks when movie was made* ‘bout 30.

- Yaaaaaas, Ian.

- Also please don’t die.

- (Both my faves in Angels & Demons die. I’m vorbelastet and can’t find a good English word for that.)

- Jesus was cool.

- Those helmets. Feathers!

- “Not even his nephew twice removed.” xDDD

- Is that paisley? *googles* It is. Nice!

- Just in case you’re wondering, I am typing this as I watch the movie. I’m not saying I’m not missing anything, but I like multitasking.

- *googles The last Supper* Wow, no cup.

- Genital symbols.

- Wombs open towards the ground, though. People with them aren’t constantly doing handstands.

- Have I mentioned one of my favorite movies is Dogma, which postulates that Jesus had siblings? I’m liking this conversation.

- “Companion meant spouse.” My gay ass likes this.

- If that is Mary Magdalene, though, which apostle is missing? Been wondering this for years.

- Scions. I like this.

- I’m all for sex positivity.

- Your time’s kinda running out, guys.

- Almost halfway through, now.

- Do you seriously believe they’re murderers?

- Why do you wear your police thingies like a blind man’s band?

- Was overall expecting a bit more running in this movie, I guess.

- Poor Sophie. This is a lot to take in.

- Beating someone up with crutches! Yas!

- Like, ouch.

- Do you happen to have a secret passage under your house? Would come in real handy.

- Oh, Zürich! Man, accents. Barely understood that.

- Frehehench.

- In my personal experience claustrophobic people aren’t generally fans of planes. That might just be me, though.

- Still don’t know Paul’s character’s name.

- We are leaving the country.

- That haircut. On the dude with the grumpy-looking monk.

- Does Jesus having a family beside his parents somehow make him less holy? *shrug*

- FRENCH.

- Police brutality?

- “Please”? Seriously? I understood that much and you’re a dick.

- This is, like, some Order of the White Lotus stuff.

- You need a mirror? You can’t read it otherwise? Huh. Well, I guess it’s just easier.

- I really like Lee.

- How many more ways can I angrily write French? (I don’t have anything against the language per se. I just don’t understand what they’re saying and that irks me. There aren’t even subtitles for that. I feel like there are supposed to be subtitles.)

- (It is nice, however, that they’re sticking to the languages they’d actually be speaking. I wonder if it’s all German in German.)

- Yo, police. Be more subtle. You could have laid a trap.

- “You can start with him.” Hm! xD

- “I could run them over.” !! Man, this is great.

- This is like a fucking magic trick.

- You know what, I wanna watch that again.

- The DVD did not like that, so now I get to look at the “pick scene” menu. At least there’s more nice music.

- Just out of curiosity… *checks* There are 24 chapters and I’m at the 16th.

- I can understand more French when I concentrate on it, but I’ve been too annoyed about it so far.

- Never had French at school, btw. But have a bit of a talent for languages. When it comes to those I can sometimes cobble meaning together from context and existing knowledge.

- “The French cannot be trusted”, sounds so ominous.

- As a fan of Angels & Demons, I am very interested in what the Vatican has to say about all this.

- Told ya we don’t like planes.

- Naww, Sophie. Arm pat, yas.

- How do you accidentally fall into a well feet first? Hmm…

- Saved by pigeons, wow.

- Paul’s eyes are super blue.

- Is he gonna get killed?

- What an old-ass phone.

- I’m worried about that newspaper.

- How they’re keeping the identity of the teacher secret is A+, shooting-wise.

- “Your identity shall go with me to the grave.” Did he know he was gonna die?

- Nice one!

- Is the second movie this long? *checks* Not quite.

- Seriously. Unnaturally blue eyes.

- Shoot-out.

- I can kinda see where Lee’s coming from. Don’t agree with the method, but…

- Did a shoulder-shot really kill him?

- See? Nope.

- I think I do kinda like the police captain.

- Have I mentioned my attraction to side characters?

- Oh, that tiny wound on her neck. I like the attention to detail.

- And those stained glass windows! Pretty.

- His mind! Wow.

- I wanna see this scene without music and special effects, though, to see what Sophie and Lee see. Must be pretty weird. xD

- Dramatic musiiiiic.

- Police captain coming through! Yas.

- Robert’s like “What is happening?”

- Man, those poor policemen with the screaming dude in the back of the car.

- Can’t resist a challenge, can you?

- It’s hecking dark behind that doorway.

- Can they get away with getting rid of all the villains half an hour before the movie’s over?

- Now she’s all Ghost Whisperer-like.

- I like the way it sounds when she calls him Robert.

- (Doing some more googling. Ah, it’s Leigh. I see.)

- Who are these guys? Something bad’s happening.

- Flashbacks and MORE FRENCH.

- Wonder if Robert and Sophie use the formal you in German. It wouldn’t fit.

- Sophie’s world is kinda falling apart.

- (She’s like Bethany in Dogma. Don’t know if anyone here even knows Dogma, but I love it.)

- Family reunion! Who put those onions here?

- See? Robert and I agree. Why should a family make Jesus less holy?

- I really like this friendship. I hope they’ll meet again.

- Checking if she can walk on water. xD

- Hey, it’s the Eiffel tower! And it’s playing light house.

- Blood.

- What? What is it?

- Wow.

- This music is real nice.

- 7 minutes of credits.

- Again, though: The music is nice.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x14 “Ouroboros”

conclusion: yes, apparently feet can look gay, and Dean and Cas are both queer by proxy

04:35pm

me: still v magnesium deficient, sick, dizzy

LET’S WATCH A THING AND THINK ABOUT IT WITH MY PUDDING BRAIN

any thoughts stated here are run through a pudding filter so please do not be alarmed if they are incoherent or a weird colour

okay it’s a Steve Yockey episode so i guess he’s gonna give us a great character and then kill them before the title card

-

04:41

hang on i need to eat and i can’t eat and think at the same time so i’mma go watch an episode of shaun the sheep brb

-

04:46

okay well i watched half an episode and ate half my food so,... yay

LET’S WATCH THIS OTHER THING THEN

-

04:48

sam’s “i believe in us” *PUNCH* still makes me laugh

-

04:49

the body on the AAAAAAAAAAAAA I’

M SCREAMING NOPE NOPE NOPE

-

can i just watch this whole thing with my hand over the screen

because that is what i’ doing rn

oh god i hate this

-

actually you know what

i just skipped to the title card

cause fuck that haahahhaah nope

-

oh lord it didn’t skip to team free will

how much of this do i have to take

-

oh okay tfw are here already

WELL GREAT NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO SKIP BACK TO

ASJFSDFHSFHSJ

-

04:54

i fuckin love rowena and how much they ask for her help even though they’re “enemies” except they’re clearly lowkey Fond of each other

also i like how this ep started in the middle of the case

-

04:56

rowena: “hello castiel” ;) ;) ;)

okay well

this pleases me

because i know the only way this ends is that cas is not interested and that’s the Point

because he <3s dean

but also why the hell is rowena into cas....... surely she knows he loves dean. unless she’s just into starting shit, i wouldn’t be surprised

-

04:58

the way jack says “i’m not dying”

10/10

-

04:59

cas: “he’s now claimed the lives of six people in northern new mexico”

why does he say “people” like that

-

05:01

dean’s throwing a looooot of salt at rowna. maybe because she keeps flirting with cas

-

“everything means something”

YEAH EXACTLY

DEAN’S SALTY BECAUSE ROWENA’S FLIRTING WITH CAS I’VE DECIDED

-

05:03

sam says dean can keep michael locked in his head “because he’s dean and dean is dean”

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah okay

expert closet curator, you mean

-

05:05

dean has a good feeling about bringing rowena in on this one??????????????? after all the snark????????????

cas: “they do have many books”

me: *squINTS REALLY HARD* i feel like they’re implying something else and neither of them are talking about the same thing. did dean set sam up on a date with rowena????????????

also?

DEAN AND CAS ARE ON A DATE. DEAN AND CAS ARE ON A DINNER DATE IN A DINER. ALERT ALERT ALERT

paralleling rowena and sam perhaps

-

05:08

concerned head tilt

oh god their love and mutual understanding and trust in each other is killing me with its softness

i’m so so so glad we get to see them in some downtime at fucking last

-

05:10

oh no jack’s coughing again

why can’t he have nice things

-

05:10

dean: “that’s what i’m supposed to say, right? i’m fine? keep on moving?”

cas: “no, dean”

the fact dean lets his guard down only with cas in private ;~;

-

sidenote, this episode is giving me my bloody valentine meets hunteri heroici vibes, which is nice because they’re two of my all-time fave episodes

but god i wish it would go easy on the cannibalism

-

05:14

dean: “i’m barely even sleeping” :D

THAT PAINED GRIN OH GOD

but also

i’m so emotional because he told anyone at all, but especially that of all people he told cas

of course he told cas, cas is his emotional sounding board

if this were a fanfic cas would offer to share the bed with dean and help him sleep

....but i mean, who knows, maybe dean was secretly hoping for that anyway

-

05:19

that’s the face of “dean doesn’t know what liturgical means”

-

05:22

jack: “what’s an av club?”

cas: “it’s a special club for people who do not play sports”

dean: *points at cas* “him. he’s av club”

mmmmmmmm yup

autistic nerd

dean’s baseball and track team, cas is av club and student tutoring

but also if dean ever got cas onto the baseball field cas would hit every ball first time

and dean would be swooning

BUT ALSO DEAN WOULD FUCKING LOVE AV CLUB ARE YOU KIDDING ME

he’d be in there with charlie every fuckin day and leaning seductively on furniture while cas does his nerd thing, until the point where something properly capures dean’s interest and then HE WANTS A GO and bats away everyone else’s hands and hogs the contraption for 3 hours. also he’d fix things when they break

DEAN TONE DOWN THE PROJECTION A NOTCH WOULD YA

JEEZ

look i’m just gonna count dean calling cas “av club” as flirting, because hello yes there is no way dean doesn’t find that interesting

-

05:30

i fucking knew it

the moment this episode opened and i saw the guy’s bare feet in the kitchen somehow i knew he was queer ??????????

like

i can’t explain it

but the fact there was a shot of his feet and his feet looked gay i can’t even

anyway this probably doesn’t even count as legit queer rep given he’s seducing guys and killing them so

stupid gay feet

sidenote: did ANYONE else get queer vibes from that opening scene? CAN PEOPLE’S FEET LOOK GAY OR IS THAT JUST ME

maybe it’s like... the sensuality of bare feet + cooking, breaking pointless gender roles n stuff, my brain has been coded by society’s bullshit to perceive sensual men as non-heterosexual

idk

but also. the foot-upward view of a new character... male gaze, right? and seeing the male gaze on a male character makes it queer

goddamn

it’s a thing

it’s a thing and the directing got the point across and it took me until now to work it out

GAY FEET

-

also

now i’m going back to cas’ line “six people”

my initial understanding of that line was that they weren’t all men

but the thing was the people didn’t need to be said that way if it was just men and women

my immediate instinct said the victims were non-binary, but i didn’t type it because i had no reason yet to believe that might be true and it seemed unnecessary to say it

but at this point, as the baddie hits on a guy at a truck stop in exchange for a ride, they’re clearly potentially queer victims

so

yeah that explains the inflection

-

05:41

on the one hand, i’m seeing a connection to that time dean was seduced by a siren

but see my problem with this is that the guy’s either gonna end up dead or saved and i don’t know which yet

i just want happy queer stories

so i’m pretty divided about this

but on the other hand, please, god, let this gorgon guy “sense things” about dean

ALSO WAIT

IS THIS THE FIRST GAY KISS ON THIS SHOW?????????? 90% SURE THIS THE FIRST GAY KISS. there might have been a background one once

PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE

EVEN IF IT’S EVIL AND TWISTED AND MAKES ME FEEL WEIRD

-

05:44

i feel like there should’ve been an optic nerve attached to that eyeball.. and a lot of gross stuff

but also thank goodness there wasn’t

ohdfjfdg i really hate this

but also i’m smiling?

-

05:46

cas: “is this amusing to you?”

the guy called him sir!!! eeheheh

-

05:47

cas: “you’re not standing alone, why doesn’t he mention me?”

dean: “maybe you’re not his type”

i mean. guess he can’t see angels. BUT ALSO

CAN WE UNPACK HOW UTTERLY QUEER EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS

WE NOW UNDERSTAND THAT NOAH’S TYPE IS QUEER GUYS

AND DEAN KNOWS THIS

SO BY SAYING CAS ISN’T NOAH’S TYPE THAT MEANS HE’S IMPLYING THAT HE HIMSELF IS

BECAUSE HE’S QUEER AF

steve yockey, this is the episode i was waiting to see from you

team free will working a case together, dean and cas on a date talking about their feelings, on a case about queer stuff

hell fucking yes

-

05:52

rowena: “need anti-venom in case one of you boys gets sloppy”

wouldn’t that mean noah kisses either cas or jack

god i’m so glad rowena’s there too

this episode is great sdgsfkg

-

05:53

ROWENA AND SAM FAKING A RELATIONSHIP + A DOG OH MRJGJD IFUCKING LOVE THIS

WHERE DID THEY GET THE DOG

WHERE’S THE BIT LATER WHERE DEAN AND CAS ~FAKE~ A RELATIONSHIP PLEASE

-

05:55

OH MY GOD THE VET STUCK A THERMOMETER IN JACK’S ASS

OH MY GOFH D:

-

06:00

noah: “then he doesn’t have to die like all the other men”

hmmmmmmm

okay so all the victims were men

which makes me even more curious about why cas used that inflection on “people”

cas also looked like of amused? definitely a misha expression rather than a cas expression, the little lilt of a smile on his lips like the way he says any word starting with “h”

maybe some of them were transgender men and cas didn’t know them before they died so could only guess as to their gender? maybe some of the bodies they found were not gender-conforming

it also kiiiiind of sounded like misha changing the script after a discussion on set about it

but if that were true then that means someone on set doesn’t believe gay or queer men are men? maybe? maybe i’m reaching there

but i’m genuinely caught up on that inflection and the use of that word, it really stood out to me

and it stands out especially, now, because like i said, we know the victims were men, we know team free will found them all, and we know they were queer.

but also it’s not dean saying it, it’s cas

and i can’t imagine any scenario where cas would have trouble with non-binary pronouns

if anyone has further thoughts on this, please direct me towards them

-

06:23

my browser broke?? and i lost a chunk of this post, but i had the above stuff backed up in email

i'mma go back a bit and try and remember what i typed

-

idk i think it was just about the fact noah confirmed all his victims were men which further confused me

and then said he also eats ladies

and then said some feminist stuff which made me sad that it came from the bad guy

but also that i could imagine cas saying something similar, deadpan, and then reaching for dean’s burger

-

* schmooch *

whEN DOES DEAN GET TO DO THAT

-

06:28

okay YES

I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO SAY

NOAH SAYS HELLO TO DEAN

WHY JUST DEAN

WHY IS HE FIXATED ON DEAN WHEN THERE’S 3 OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM? and why only write the letter to dean?

I’LL TELL YOU WHY

BECAUSE DEAN’S BISEXUAL AF

AND YES HE IS HIS TYPE

REPRESSED “STRAIGHT” MEN WHO SECRETLY LIKE GUYS

CAN THAT BE ANY MORE OBVIOUS?? I THINK NOT

i love how this episode refers back to some of the older episodes, in the best possible way

conclusion: dean is bi

-

06:32

noah took the bag with the snek inside but i guess the snek esckep

-

06:34

maybe true love’s kiss will wake dean up

CAS QUICK

MIGHT AS WELL TRY RIGHT

-

06:40

hurts my heart how cas has apparently made peace with the fact he’ll outlive dean and sam

i guess it’s good but

can’t help but believe deep down he would rather die than live without them

-

and now i’m crying because cas says the point is that you got to know them at all

suddenly catharsis for future pain

-

06:47

oh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAGGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D:

THIS IS THE WORST

-

06:47

rowena as michael??? okay, that i can get behind

ooh

BUT ALSO

OH NO

-

06:49

michael (about dean): “it didn’t work out. it was him. not me.”

flip of a classic dating line, making this QUEER AGAIN

-

06:55

JACK THE LIL HERO

WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

//waits for the silence to be over

-

06:56

oh boy

-

06:57

OKAY WOW

WHAT AN EPISODE

i was really hoping it would turn into a plotty one, the way changing channels does at the end

this was really well done and i enjoyed it a lot!!!!!!!!! i mean, besides the squicks, and the fact the queer rep and feminist lines came from a bad guy

dean was 100% noah’s type

jack is the bestest baby bean

i feel so bad about the thermometer thing..... like, i’m not sure if it was meant to come across as funny? but there was no indication it should be... which is good i guess? but also i feel secondhand violated

DEAN AND CAS’ DATE AND TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS WHEEE

i like that this episode actually came full circle on that “dean vs michael” point, rather than having it be a one-off conversation and things aren’t resolved until a later episode

i think i’m gonna enjoy rowena as michael. and i like that she said yes because she does care about team free will

sad about maggie :c

but also all those other extra hunters were changed out pretty much episode so there was no real way to know who they were. they seemed pretty diverse though, across various episodes

i liked the asian lady vet!!!! she was fun. and i’m glad the asian gay guy didn’t die... where did he even disappear to though? who knows

overall 10/10? it had all the good shit i like so. yep.

I WANT MORE EPISODE LIKE THIS. QUEER CHARACTERS (PREFERABLY NOT EVIL), MORE ASIAN CHARACTERS, MORE TEAM FREE WILL ON HUNTS, MORE LADIES GETTING COOL ROLES AS PART OF THE TEAM AND/OR AS AN FRENEMY, MORE JACK SAVING THE DAY

MORE ROWENA IN PANTS

yeah

but more of all

MORE GAY KISSES FOR DEAN AND CAS

i love that the fact noah was fixated on dean put him in the “noah’s type = queer” category, and when noah kissed cas it did the same thing

so really, by evil proxy, noah made a point of showing us who’s queer

i mean we already knew

but HE SHOWED US

yee

-

no conclusion on why cas said p e o p l e though

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 8

Since the previous chapter was rather dark, I wanted to get chapter 8 out as quickly as possible.  Fortunately, after the absolute struggle I had with the previous chapter, this one just rolled right along.

There are absolutely no trigger warnings in this chapter that I can think of.

My quarters turned out to be pleasantly close to Tyche’s, yet still far enough away that we each had privacy. As much as I loved my sister, being next door neighbors would have been exceedingly awkward. The Miys very carefully showed me how to program the door for waking and sleeping intervals, as well as how to set the lock code to the door.  It then ensured that the room was keyed to my biometrics, but how I could not say; there was no scanner or printing that I saw.  All of this took place with my sister humming a deceptively perky tune (it was from an archaic television show, and I recall the lyrics simply being several iterations of the word “Doom”).

Once the door opened, all I could do was gasp.  Where Tyche’s quarters had been covered in blacks, greys, and hints of maroon or plum, my quarters were light, almost airy.  The walls were tinted a pale purple, the furniture was a light grey.   Plants abounded, filling the room with life.  As with Tyche’s quarters, there was no cooking area, but a small dispenser that I had learned provided food and beverage when one desired privacy.  I had been told while I was still in medical that several communal eating areas had been arranged around the ship, but no one was required to be there unless they felt social.

Once I surveyed the space, one that clearly had been designed for me, I turned and gaped at my sister.

“Yes!” she crowed in victory. “I knew you would like it!” She turned to the Miys, who was producing a low growl. “You were so skeptical about the plants.  And the purple.”

“To be fair – “ was that whining I was hearing? “you are the one who explained that she cannot see certain wavelengths of light. You cannot truly expect me to remember which ‘colors’ correspond to which wavelengths.  And the plants you chose are mostly parasitic!  We have extensive documentation showing how Terrans perceive parasitic life!”

“But I also tried to explain that Sophia loves air plants.”

“Tillandsia,” I corrected her. “They do need more than air to survive.”

She waved her hand at me, “Same thing, Word Nerd.”  

I grinned at the old nickname before I turned to the Miys.  As I started to open my mouth to explain, it made the same gesture my sister had just performed. “Yes, Enhancer, we can hear you. They clean the air, make it fresher.  I have no noses, Enhancer and Tyche.  The air quality on the ship is within parameters, and I cannot detect trace impurities as sensitively as you can.  I have already begun adding plants to other common areas of the ship and sense approval from most of the Terrans who have begun to notice or previously requested such a thing.”

It’s statement made me realize that the only other humans I had seen, even when travelling from medical to Tyche’s quarters, were my sister and Simon. “Why haven’t I seen any other Terrans?” I asked, voicing the question for my sister’s sake so she could follow the conversation.

“This is a less populated area of the Ark,” the Miys explained.  “I have been made aware that some Terrans become psychically distressed when they encounter too many unknown people at once.  While the Ark is not large enough for each Terran to have their own quarters, as we had not planned on this contingency, there is currently sufficient space to allow some to have individual quarters.  Additionally, there are quite a large percentage of Terrans who prefer to live with others as a way of coping with such drastic change.  However, there are exactly four Terrans who I am desperately avoiding forcing to share living space with anyone, and I have been granted permission from my home planet to make such a decision since it is such a small percentage of the population of the ship.”

I looked at Tyche and quirked an eyebrow briefly. “You, me, Sam, and Derek,” she explained. “You haven’t met Sam and Derek yet, but they are both autistic and need space to be away from people when they get overloaded.  Great guys.  Sam is teaching me sign language, and I make him clothes that don’t aggravate his touch aversion.  I don’t know much about Derek, but he loves Mac and takes incredibly good care of him when I can’t, and that’s really all I need to know to like him.”

“Okay,” I nodded, “that makes sense. And I get you. Why…?” I trailed off as I pointed to myself.

Instead of Tyche, the Miys responded. “We need you to teach, Enhancer, and lead to a smaller degree.  I also know from observation of you and your personal history that you perform both of these functions at peak efficiency when you have a space designated in which you do neither.  Allowing you individual quarters ensures that, when your daily responsibilities are done, you will not have to – people? That is not a verb, Tyche – if you do not desire to do so.”

My sister giggled, and it dawned on me that she had intentionally thought that term as hard as possible at the Miys in an effort to teach it one of her favored slang words. I sighed, and explained, “It’s vernacular.  Many people use that word as an abbreviated way of saying ‘interact with people’.  And I get it, but it really isn’t necessary to give me my own quarters if there isn’t enough space….”

“Em-pathy,” my sister interrupted in a singsong voice. “Really, Soph, it’s okay.  Right at ten thousand people, seven thousand rooms.”

The Miys continued with a nod. “And currently, 1437 are unoccupied.  Most Terrans have voluntarily decided to share living space.  In some cases, three or four individuals are sharing quarters.”

Oh.  They were not kidding about that, apparently. I did some quick math in my head. “When you said a large percentage, I didn’t realize you meant over 85%.”

The Miys spread its inner hands, a gesture I had learned was a shrug. “Terrans packbond.  There is, however, a – caveat? That is in interesting word – to having individual living space.”

Here we go. All good things come with strings.

“I request permission to put a video feed in your quarters, like the one in Tyche’s quarters.”

A memory from earlier came floating back to me. “Not many humans on board that strongly atypical.” It was not by any means a question. Tyche was the most unique person I had ever met in my life.

“Precisely. We have four: two have declined video relay installation in their quarters….”

“And the fourth has not yet consented or declined,” I murmured. “Four. Tyche, Sam, Derek, and me.  I hadn’t consented or declined because you hadn’t asked yet.”

“Clarity,” it buzzed with a smug tone. “You do not have to consent, but we would like to learn more about Terrans who fall outside several definitions of ‘normal’ for Terran parameters.”

“And how do I fall into that category?” I asked. “I want to be sure that I would actually be contributing before I make a decision.”

Surprisingly, Tyche answered. "Seriously? I know we've had this conversation, mon soeur. We grew up with the same mother; we had roughly the same childhoods. We've both been through hell on Earth, even Before. I came out of that childhood fueled by rage and spite, but you? Somehow all that shit we went through? You came out kinder and way more hopeful. If hope could actually move mountains, you'd have flattened Everest with ease. We all – all of us survivors – have some kind of PTSD. You and I had it beforehand....but....it never stopped us. You've spun yours into something to grow from, not to recover from. You don't just say people can do better, be better; you believe it. You believe it, and you help them how you can, and they become better." “Also,” the Miys picked up after a brief silence. “You rate in the 99th percentile for Memory of those on board. In this, you are only slightly below Derek and on a level very close to Sam.  I would like to study the effects of this on Terrans, and neither Sam nor Derek have consented to video feed.  Additionally, you are able to keep it all incredibly organized, which is astounding. You store the information, but can also extrapolate it and draw both conclusions and inferences at a rate I struggle to keep up with.”

“You think in fractals,” Tyche translated unnecessarily.

“I’ll grant you the memory,” I replied, only half focused on my words as I tried to recover from the impassioned scolding my sister had given me. “But there is nothing special about surviving everything.  I was just… stubborn.”

Tyche laughed as the Miys pointed at her. “Incorrect, Enhancer. Tyche is what you call ‘just stubborn’.”

I allowed a chuckle at that. “Well, okay, I’m not as stubborn as her – “

Tyche cut me off. “No, Soph. I’m literally ‘just stubborn’,” she clarified with air quotes before pointing at herself. “Tenacity, Will, Persistence, and Passion.  As in, too tenacious not to survive when it all went to hell, too willful to not change my surroundings, too persistent to give up when I know I am right, and too passionate about my goals to see any alternatives.”

At that, I gaped before laughing so hard I could not breathe and falling to the ground from aching ribs. “Oh – my – gosh,” I gasped. “You really are just ten pounds of spite in a five-pound container!  That’s too funny! Oh wow.”

She made an indignant face, but I knew her heart was not in it. “Hey, clearly my spite is my most redeeming quality!  I was literally chosen as part of the best of the Human Race because I am so spiteful, thankyouverymuch.” She managed to sniff in mock-offense before dissolving into laughter.

The Miys just stared at us on the floor before making a shrug-gesture. “She is correct, Enhancer. What makes Terrans so interesting to the rest of the known Galaxy is your tendency to survive anything through sheer determination not to die in the direst circumstances. Tyche is an incredible example of this, despite her past before your world ended. Additionally, she is quite passionate about a number of Terran subjects that we have been very ignorant of.  It will be valuable when establishing a social system on the future colony.  I have already corrected a number of anomalies in passengers that I otherwise would not have understood if not for her.”

We both stopped at that information. Tyche looked just as confused as I was, which was not comforting. “What,” she drawled, “are you talking about?”

Oh, this did not sound good.

“Terran Jordan,” the Miys explained in a tone that showed it clearly knew it was in a precarious situation. “Jordan stated she is female, but her body is clearly male, so we fixed that on a genetic level.”

Oh. Fuck.  The Miys ‘fixed’ what sounded like a clearly transgender person.  Gender rights and sexual preference equality were two of Tyche’s most ardent causes.  However, fixing it on a ‘genetic level’ did not sound promising, and I could hear a feral-sounding growl coming from the petite form next to me. Fuck.

The Miys quickly reacted to the rage radiating from Tyche, and it became evident that she was thinking at it rather strongly. “Oh, Worlds, no. No. Not in that way. That is barbaric! Did Terrans actually do that? No!  Jordan consented to genetic testing, and I determined that Jordan’s genetics indicated she was clearly female, but a chromosomal abnormality made her body male! This was causing severe dysphoria in Jordan, so I offered to do genetic correction on the chromosomal abnormality so that her body is female along with the rest of her! She is quite pleased with the result. You, Tyche, told me that dysphoria is bad!  I simply wanted to ensure that Jordan was healthy.”

Oh. Huh. Not what I expected.

Clearly, not what Tyche was expecting either, as she promptly deflated. “I really thought you meant you made her think she was male. I’m sorry. I was about to kill this body.” She gestured at its form.

The Miys crouched and gently placed its upper-right hand on her shoulder. “I would have allowed it had I done what you suspected.  But no, Jordan is quite happy now that she is completely female. Additionally, we have opened testing to all on the ship for such genetic correction.  While we can only do genetic surgery on 3 persons at a time, due to the length of the procedure and the additional recovery, we already have 312 who have agreed to the procedure in the future.

“That’s maybe half of what you can expect,” I advised, trying to ignore the look of constipated rage on my sister’s face.  Sometimes she took a few minutes to squash poorly-placed anger. “The rest are probably waiting to see how this goes.  Our planet does not have a great track record for treating people fairly, especially if you are female, gender dysphoric, not attracted to the opposite gender, or not a member of a very specific major world religion.”

“Unfortunately, I have been educated in this,” it indicated my sister, who was perking up a little now. “However, I am of a race that has no gender, does not have sex, and therefore does not care.” It nodded firmly at this.

I sputtered. “Wait. No gender, and does not have sex. Back up to that. What?” I had never really asked, because there was so much more going on that I wanted to get caught up with.

“We are what Terrans would call mycogenetic, I believe.”

Myco.. mycology. “You’re mushrooms?” I exclaimed.

“Only as much as you are monkeys.”

Touché. “Okay, but you evolved from life similar to Terran fungus?”

The Miys nodded.

I knew then that I could  never enjoy a mushroom pizza again.

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[professorpalmarosa]

Weird Nutmeg Dream: The Chris Chan Escape Room

This is not the first time I have chronicled a weird dream brought on by diffusing Nutmeg Essential Oil. If you diffuse the correct amount, you increase your chances of having a lucid dream...or at least something fun and interesting.

Too much, and you’ll end up with dreams about bees building hives on the other side of your window or psychic hipsters with man-buns stealing your identity so you’ll kill everyone he hates with your brainwaves.

Wednesday night, I had a real doozy...

In this dream, one of my old high school friends had just turned 30. To celebrate, they wanted to get a big group together to play a brand new room at an escape room company close to my city’s amusement park. I was eager to play for a number of reasons:

I love escape rooms. I played my first one in 2016 and have been hooked ever since.

I have played two escape rooms at this facility already. Their rooms don’t have the ambient lighting, expensive sets, and mood music like my favorite place does; but their puzzles tend to be trickier (and honestly, sometimes pretty funny).

The engineer who owns the company and designs the rooms is a very nice guy. Once you finish a room, he loves to nerd out and explain how he constructed the room, how the puzzles work, etc. He also has a cool “replay room” where you can watch your gameplay. Sometimes, he’ll slow it down. Other times, he’ll speed it up and play Yakety Sax from the Benny Hill Show.

This was a brand new room. Only two groups had beaten the room so far, but no one had successfully unlocked the “special bonus ending” yet. That probably thrilled me more than anything else.

My group arrives on time and we’re all eager to find out what the theme of the room is. I try to weasel some information out of the owner, but he’s being uncharacteristically mum about all of this. That’s when our “guide” steps out to greet us.

He’s a chubby fellow dressed in a blue and red striped rugby shirt, a pair of blue jeans with a stain near his fly, a pair of thick glasses, an amethyst high school ring…and something around his neck that gives away what the theme of the room will be. My friends are confused and more than a little grossed out by the stain, but it’s all I can do to hold in my nervous giggling.

‘Oh my god,’ I realize. ‘It’s a Chris Chan escape room.’

For those unfamiliar with who Chris Chan is, Christine Weston Chandler (formerly Christopher/Christian Weston Chandler) is a high-functioning autistic internet personality famous for creating Sonichu: a hybrid between Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu. She occasionally releases comics; but nowhere near as frequently as she once did. This is due to stress, repeated harassment from online trolls, financial problems, and a deteriorating mental state due to all of the aforementioned.

Her life is pretty much what would happen if the Truman Show were real…if Truman was autistic and the show was 100% guest-written by internet trolls. Everything she does is chronicled by “Christorians” and broken up into sagas. Sagas are typically categorized by personal life events, failed romantic relationships with (sometimes real, sometimes fake) women, and whatever troll/trolling group is harassing her at present.

As a side note, I know that Christine’s preferred pronouns are now she/her. When speaking about her in the present tense, I will use those. However, since (1) this room dealt with Chris almost a decade before the transition was announced and (2) even Christine herself tends to treat the past Chris as a separate entity (she even kicks him in the nuts in the Sonichu comics, if I remember correctly); I’ll be using he/him for the purposes of the dream. This room was designed around Chris, not Christine.

I don’t have an account on the Kiwi Farms, nor have I ever contributed any articles or attempted to contact Chris. However, I’ve been following Chris’s antics for nearly ten years and fancy myself to be a bit of a closeted amateur Christorian.

No one in my group knew this and it was about to become relevant.

“Hello, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all teen ages!” Fake-Chris greeted us. I’m trying my best not to crack up because I recognize that quote. I know where this is going. The actor does not disappoint. “My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I’m here, and y’all are there!”

My poor friends look like they’ve just crash landed onto an alien (Little Big) planet. They have no clue what hell they’ve just unleashed, but it only get crazier from there. I won’t go into the full specifics of what the actor said—again, this was a dream and not reality. Some of the details are hazy now that I’m awake—but I’ll go ahead and tell you what the general premise for the Chris Chan escape room was:

The Sonichu medallion around Chris’s neck was a copy. He wanted to give the original to a “sweetheart” he was courting online, but he lost it somewhere in his room. Just to humor the actor, I asked who the sweetheart was.

Fake-Chris’s face lit up with glee, probably because a real girl was talking to him. “Blanca Weiss,” he tells me giddily. “Blanca’s real. Yeah. I talked to her!”

By now, most of my friends are having second thoughts about entering that room. The actor has creeped out most of the ladies in my party, as well as my gender nonconforming friend who is really uncomfortable when people make comments about their chest. They haven’t had top surgery yet and it’s a very sensitive subject.

There was one more twist for the plot of the room: Chris believed one of us wasn’t being “true and honest” and was, in fact, a troll from the internet. This brings me back to the “special bonus ending” I mentioned earlier. Each group of players would have one troll among them. This person would have a slightly different objective from the other players.

All of us were tasked with finding the Sonichu medallion, but the “troll” player would need to:

Go undetected by Chris and the other players for the entirety of the game.

Find the Sonichu medallion.

Steal the Sonichu medallion from the rest of the party.

Leave the room before the hour was up.

If the troll could successfully do this, they would be rewarded with a free full booking of another room. Escape rooms tend to run anywhere from $15 to $25 per person in my city, so that’s about a $250 value! I don’t care who the hell the troll is in my group is. I’m not going to dox them because I want the free game.

In an attempt to convince my wary friends to move forward with the game, I reassured them that I’d probably be able to catch most of the inside jokes in the room. “I know my Christory, guys.” They looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. “I know this stuff! We can do this!”

Unfortunately, my enthusiasm and can-do attitude bit me in the ass. Not only had I outed myself as some kind of online weirdo to my friends, but Fake-Chris proceeded to hit on me for most of the game. Initially, he tried his best to give every player an equal amount of interaction. I guess he noticed the other people in the room were uncomfortable and I seemed “nice.” I was asked multiple times if I was “boyfriend-free.” (Spoiler alert: I am, but that’s because I’m a super choosy and super, super gay.)

I was right. My Christory knowledge came into play multiple times during the game play. There were puzzles based on:

The “Gitars of Fail” (Guitar Hero guitars Chris customized after Sonichu and Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, just to name a couple)

The Sailor Moon poster Chris used to look at every day to reaffirm his “straightness”

Rearranging the members of the Chaotic Combo in chronological order of their first appearance in the Sonichu comics. Their Amibos were spread around the room and needed to be placed in that order, otherwise a box with a magnetic lock wouldn’t open.

The Orange Fanta cans. If you don’t already know what those are for, you DON’T want to know.

The Sonic Totem

The Pixelblock Heart Torch

The “Yep! I’m on TV!” DVD.

The “Wall of Originals” custom Pokémon cards.

Chris & the Hedgehog Boys. My guy pal Patrick had to sing a rendition of “So Need a Cute Girl” and it was godawful.

Finding the one game in Chris’s massive collection where one of the characters was incorrectly colored (Sonic Boom, which Chris doesn’t own. Chris boycotted that game and even pepper sprayed a Gamestop employee).

A scavenger hunt inside the Manchester High School Year 2000 Yearbook. We had to look at every gal pal.

Having to pull half a key out of Officer Nasty and another half out of Kimmi: Chris’s inflatable sex dolls.

A DDR Mat that (once the four combination locks were unlocked) opened a portal to CWCVille. The four codes were SONICHU, ROSECHU, NAITSIRHC, and CLYDECASH.

One of my friends found the Sonichu medallion inside the CWCville portal. It was hidden inside an empty jug of OxyClean. I heard several cases of “oh thank Christ” muttered among my friends. I could tell they were having fun in here, but were ready to leave.There was just one problem:

Someone had to give the medallion back to Fake-Chris and none of my friends wanted to talk to him.

The clock was running out and Fake-Chris had become increasingly paranoid. “Aw, come on!” he kept whining, sweating and panting as he made grabby hands for the medallion.

“Okay,” I told my friends as I held out my hand. “I know none of you want to do it. Give me the medallion. I’ll take care of this.” My friend handed over the medallion without a second thought, but I didn’t head toward the actor.

I headed toward the door. I was the troll all along.

[faeassassin]

When last we met...

I’m anticipating losing Twitter as a place to doomscroll, to vent, to find new people, to make new friends, and just in general be my weird self.

So, the last time I was really active on Tumblr I feel like I was a much different person. I started here while I was still known for writing anime fanfic. I’d had a few NaNoWriMo wins under my belt. I was a LiveJournal refugee.

And I played a lot of World of Warcraft.

a LOT of World of Warcraft

No, more than that. I was a pretty solidly hardcore raider when this account was new, then I broke up with my ex, ended up getting married to a guy I dated in high school, and became a filthy casual.

I loved it. I was completely enamored with WoW lore even without the raiding, I watched all the YT videos I could find that expounded on it, and never wanted it to end.

Then I found out the CEO of Blizzard was a sexual predator and I dropped WoW and Diablo like a hot potato.

I’d been working as a social media moderator for a company called ICUC for over six years. I got fired the morning after the Pulse shooting for speaking up for the safety of me and my team. Two years later I was working at Cognizant for a huge social media platform I am still technically not allowed to mention, and ended up with a giant case of PTSD that’s kept me from holding down a job since.

I lost my job, I lost my favorite game (and realized it was an autistic special interest of mine), and I was ready to remake myself.

Before I left that job I went out on a limb. See, I knew already that I could write awesome things that people enjoyed reading IF I could catch their attention. I’ve never lost my passion for telling stories, and I wanted to prepare an escape hatch for the nightmare I was living. I self published my first book five years ago this month. A book that was never a NaNoWriMo project. Just something I’d poked at for about ten years off and on. I had cover art. I had an editor. I had a dream. I had a little spare change to try to get noticed with a few (poorly planned) advertisements on Facebook.

I didn’t have ANY knowledge of what I was doing, I’d lost all touch with most of the people who used to be fans. I had crippling depression and growing symptoms of severe anxiety. (Physical symptoms. It was ugly.)

But what I DID have was a husband who was willing to try to make things work on one income while I started writing more books. I had a friend who happened to know a few things about graphic design who started making my cover art. I started making friends with other authors who pushed me toward better information on the business side of self publishing.

Now? I have six books published. I am proud of them. I am still writing (PTSD and grief and health issues willing, of course.) I turned to Minecraft to fill my gaming itch, and now I’ve found a new special interest in Empires SMP and Hermitcraft SMP videos. They fill that game lore void that had been sitting in my soul, and they’ve been inspiring my writing.

Also? Hi. I’m self-diagnosed autistic. Does it make any difference? Kinda. I’m still me, but it explains a LOT of my life and why I couldn’t understand why I felt so alone and couldn’t connect with anyone. Why everything was harder for me all the time, why I was so “sensitive” about everything, and...well. I could probably get a professional diagnosis, but it would be prohibitively expensive, and it wouldn’t do any good at all. Maybe some feeling of validation, I guess, but that’s about it. That’s not worth a thousand dollars out of pocket that I don’t have.

Long story short? I’m a different person now. I’m about to turn 48, and my life is a beautiful disaster. Nice to meet you again. If the Twittersphere burns down, I’ll settle in where I’ve already got roots.

[ernmark]

You mentioned headcanoning Brown Jacket and Sir Damien as autistic - could you talk more about that? I'd love to read your thoughts on it.

Brown Jacket and Sir Damien have a lot of behaviors that remind me of students I had during my brief stint as a teacher, as well as my brothers and some of my friends. 

Autistic people aren’t a monolith or anything like that, so don’t take it that way. It’s one of those things where any of them in isolation might not be worthy of note, but so much of it feels familiar to people with this one thing in common that I can’t not see it.

This gets really, really long, so it goes under the cut.

Jacket

(All of Jacket’s lines are taken from Time Gone By unless they’re marked otherwise.)

He’s very literal and to-the-point. 

JACKET: So. Do you have a good reason forwalking out in the desert? Besides your death-wish.

JUNO: Besidesmy what?

JACKET: It’s well-documented.

JUNO: Documentedwhere? How long have you been watching me? Isthat how you found me out here? (PAUSE. NO ANSWER) Hello? 

JACKET: Hello.

JUNO: What the hell are allthose?

JACKET: Doyou mean the buildings or the tents?

JUNO: Idon’t know. Both?

JACKET: Well.Some are buildings, and some are tents.

JACKET: I am going to step into this shop andbuy a large decaffeinated Jovian tea with two sugars. You will stay here and watchto see what they do.

JUNO: Is the teasome kind of code? What does it mean?

JACKET: It means I am thirsty. It is largebecause I am very thirsty, and decaffeinated because I have a predisposition toaddictive—

JUNO: Where the hell did youcome from?!

JACKET: The door.

JACKET: How do you feel?JUNO: Sugar.JACKET: I do not know this emotion. (Monster’s Reflection)

I’m not kidding, I had two students who talked exactly like this.

One thing to note here is that he’s answering the questions that he’s being asked, but he isn’t addressing the unstated reason why it’s being asked in the first place. 

Another thing to notice is that it’s very important to him that instructions are clear; I’d argue that he elaborates because he isn’t entirely sure that the full meaning comes across, while Juno picks it up easily.

BUDDY: At any rate, once we’re open my big friend is going to work the bar; you’re going to play sad drunk at one of those tables by the door.

JACKET: You will be drinking carbonated tea. Focus will be crucial.  

JUNO: Alright, so. You want me to watch thedoor while you make your trade-off. Keep an eye out for anything suspicious,and… 

JACKET: Don’tuse your eye. 

JUNO: Yeah,thanks, I got that. Anything else?

Like Talfryn (who is canonically autistic), he has a hard time with jokes when they come from Juno. 

JUNO: Not a bad metaphor, for a giant, talking block of stone.JACKET: I did not get it from a stone. (Monster’s Reflection)

JUNO: Think I’ve got more sandstorm in my lungs than air.JACKET: A sandstorm is mostly air, Juno— (Monster’s Reflection)

JUNO: So,what, is his name actually The Big Guy?

JACKET: Thatwould be absurd.

JACKET: You make that noise a lot, don’t you.  

JUNO: Oh, sorry, does it bother you? Don’tmind me, just the guy who’s been playing peekaboo with his large intestine forthe past hour—OW, ow, ow. 

JACKET: You said your organswould not fall out.

JUNO: It was a joke! Do bigcaveman get joke?

JACKET: I do not know. I havenever met one.

Juno doesn’t understand how to deal with Jacket, which makes him interpret Jacket’s literalness as stupidity or malice, and leaves Juno acting like a big asshole. I see this a lot in real life. 

JUNO: Oh, hey, wasthat sarcasm? Maybe the big guy’s gotenough brain for a sense of humor after all.

JACKET: I have alwayspossessed a sense of humor, Juno. You are just not funny.

This is notably different from Buddy– he knows her well enough to understand what she needs and wants, and she communicates in a way that she’s sure he understands.

SOUND: A THROWN GLASS HITS THE WALLBESIDE JUNO AND SHATTERS.

BUDDY: Iasked for quiet.

JACKET: Iwill clean this. Would you like another drink, Buddy?

BUDDY: No thank you,darling. You may take his away as well; I believe he’s had enough.

BUDDY: Throwme the comms, darling. Then you know what to do.

JACKET: Ofcourse.

BUDDY: …And I waited.

JACKET: Fortwo years.

BUDDY: Well,so much for being allowed to keep one’s own secrets.

JACKET: Hewouldn’t have believed you if you said it.

He also uses a ‘script’ to deal with people that he’s not familiar with– something that somebody else advised him to do when dealing with people so that he has an easier time interacting with them.

JUNO: H-hey, what the hellare you doing? Put me down, you… The hell? I… I knowyou. 

JACKET: A correction: I know you.I have been told it is important to speak accurately, when beginning a businesstransaction.

JACKET: There are, in fact, many other things that could go wrong, but Buddy has told me that patients often find the truth unsettling— (Monster’s Reflection)

There’s also this sequence: like with a lot of the autistic people I know, he’s very rule-oriented, in this case on bike safety. He also doesn’t pick up on Juno’s clear (to me, anyway) agitation and discomfort until Juno verbally expresses what he’s wrong.

JACKET: Good.Be sure to strap in.

JUNO: Notuntil you tell me where we’re going… Of course. Another man of mystery.Listen, I’ve really had enough of these, so if you can’t even tell me wherewe’re going I’ll— (OOF, AS JACKET THRUSTS A HELMET INTOHIS STOMACH)

JACKET: I’ll tell you. I was just looking for ahelmet in your size.

JUNO: Whatthe… How many helmets doyou keep in that bag?

JACKET: Bike safety isimportant. 

There’s also this sequence:

JACKET: Have you used any of your eye’s specialfunctions since we entered the Cerberus Province?

JUNO: What? I haven’t—

JACKET: In the interest of fairness I shouldtell you that if you have, I will be forced to crush your head with thisdumpster lid.

JUNO: How is that anyfairer—(JACKET GOES TO CRUSH JUNO’S HEAD. JUNOIS REASONABLY PANICKED)Whoa, whoa, there! No, I haven’t usedit. You said that’s how Ramses is gonna track me, right?

JACKET: That is good.

If it were me, I wouldn’t tell Juno that I’d kill him if he said yes, because then he would have incentive to lie. But Jacket does, because it’s important for him to be clear and fair. He also takes Juno at his word when, once again, Juno has every reason to lie.

He is incredibly devoted to the things that he loves, and when the things he loves are threatened in any way, he reacts with a kind of growling anger that I’ve seen so many times from my brothers that it’s almost uncanny.

JACKET: And if you vomit on my hovercycle Icannot be held responsible for what happens to you next.

JUNO: Well,if I wasn’t concerned before, I sure as hell am now! Listen, I told you, if youmake me do anything—

SOUND: JACKET SLAMS THETABLE.

JACKET: Youlisten.

JUNO: Even to afforda low-end eye… that must’ve been a hell of a car.

JACKET: (IT HURTS TOTHINK ABOUT. THIS IS THE MOST EMOTION HE SHOWS ALL EPISODE. IT IS NOT MUCH.) We will not discuss this.

JUNO: Yeah, now that you mention it, I’ve been meaning to have a dermatologist take a—

JACKET: Do not complete this joke, Juno, or you will regret it.

(In this case, he recognizes the joke well enough to predict the punchline, and that he doesn’t want Juno to speak inappropriately to Buddy)

JACKET: Shedidn’t open at the correct time. I became concerned.

 BUDDY: Youtook the door off its hinges.

 JACKET: Iwas deeply concerned.

I’d like to draw attention to the fact that by the end of Time Gone By, Jacket is starting to like Juno– you can tell that by the way he tries to take care of Juno in the last scene. 

JACKET: Thesun is almost down. You areshivering.

JUNO: Yeah,well.

JACKET: Thereare coats downstairs—

JUNO: You reallyhave one of those Music Machine things up here too? Does anybody even go uphere?

JACKET: Wouldyou like me to turn it off?

JUNO: Didn’tsay that.

JUNO: StupidMusic Machine. Oughta be a law.

JACKET: Would you like me to turn itoff before we leave?

It’s the same way he shows affection to Buddy throughout the episode, and it’s not something he’s really shown toward Juno until this point, which is really sweet. 

Sir Damien

I started to get some of that vibe from Sir Damien back when he was first introduced. 

The first time we see him talking to Rilla, he’s recounting a story and she’s finishing his sentences, word for word– but he doesn’t catch on that she’s already heard the story that morning until she says so explicitly.

RILLA: (LAUGHS)DAMIEN: What is it? Is there something on my face? Have I done something foolish?RILLA: You told me all about your bedtime basilisk this morning, Damien. Remember? I made you the antidote to its poison.DAMIEN: Oh. Yes, I… suppose I did. (KotCLotS)

In that same exchange, he has to ask her outright why she’s laughing. He doesn’t immediately connect it to the fact that he’s retelling the story. He’s struggling with her body language, and it’s adding to his anxiety until she explains herself. 

He doesn’t dwell on his insecurity with her, though– as soon as that’s out of the way, he’s excited again:

Well, I’m just… ecstatic! What luck, a monster trying to kill me in my sleep! And when Angelo nearly broke our tie with that soggy parrot in the caves! (KotCLotS)

I mentioned earlier the rule-oriented behaviors, particularly about small rules that someone like me would overlook as unimportant. Like my brothers? They don’t lie, and they get super upset when you try to fudge the rules to take advantage of a coupon, or something like that. I see that behavior in Damien:

DAMIEN: I’ve acted a terrible fiend just now. I have lied to you. Yes, I was worried I’d be bored. Yes, I was concerned about my competition with Sir Angelo. (KotCLotS)

RILLA: Come on, hold my hand. We’re going to look out over the Queen’s balcony.DAMIEN: But I’m only supposed to guard, not enter the— Rilla! 

DAMIEN: I intend to have a fair fight, monster. Throw your knives, and I will throw my bow.

DAMIEN: Yes, she is certain to be furious with me. But it is to be my punishment and my penance. I challenged you to an unfair duel. I insisted we fight to my advantage. Half of my hands were armed, and only a fourth of yours were; an advantage two times over.

There’s this sequence:

DAMIEN: When… when will we be married?RILLA: You know that, Damien. Soon.DAMIEN: But… why not marry during the Festival?RILLA: You want to get married tonight?DAMIEN: It wouldn’t have to be tonight! The Festival lasts three nights! We have two full days to prepare! (KotCLotS)

Let me tell you about a regular conversation I have with my younger brother:

Me: No, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I’m exhausted and I need to rest.Him: How about tomorrow morning, then?Me: No, I’ll be resting still.Him: How about tomorrow at noon?Me: No, I want spend the whole weekend resting.Him: How about Monday morning?Me: I don’t know. I can’t schedule things right now.Him: What time can I call you to schedule things?

It’s an awkward disconnect because he has trouble reading the underlying feelings behind my words– namely, that I’m too tired to even think about making plans– and I’m too tired to communicate clearly in a way that would satisfy him.

With Damien, his struggle to read Rilla’s unspoken meaning contributes to his anxiety:

Did I ask her when? I don’t recall. Did I ask her and she didn’t answer? What does that mean, Saint Damien? Does it mean she doesn’t want to marry me? That she doesn’t love me? Perhaps she doesn’t today. Perhaps she never has, or what if—

…Have I pressured her too much? No, no… but what if I have? What if I always have? I’ll have to ask her. I could go right now, it would be just a moment, but what if some foul beast should come when I am tending to my weakness of theheart, what if— (KotCLotS)

He needs to verbally ask her for clarification (which, honestly, is rarely a bad move in a relationship) becuase he doesn’t trust himself to interpret her nonverbal cues. 

RILLA: I know it’s hard for you. I’ll say it as many times as I need to. I love you, Damien. (KotCLotS)

RILLA: Finally home. Saints, that was a longnight. 

DAMIEN: Yes, long, but, well, enjoyable, I thought? You hada good time, I hope?

RILLA: I had a good time, Damien. I’m just tired.

DAMIEN: Tired? Have I tired you?

RILLA: Actually, staying up all night at the festival mademe tired. Weird, right?

DAMIEN:Yes, yes, that makes sense. (Moonlit Hermit)

There’s a recurring thing going on about the way Damien interacts with people. Rilla and Angelo are familiar with him and usually know how to help him when he gets worked up.

RILLA: If you have to, fine, but let it slow down first. Do you want me to sing to you?DAMIEN: I… I… (HEAVY BREATH) Always. (KotCLotS)

ANGELO: Well… come now, this isn’t like you at all! Why don’t you just speak your heart, like you always do? That always seems to lift your spirits. Except for when it, uh, sinks them. (KotCLotS)

ANGELO: Oh, he does this quite often, Sir Caroline. I’vefound it best to let him ride it out. (Lady of the Lake)

ANGELO: Here, see, thisis how you do it. Come up here, my friend. (HE PICKS DAMIEN UP)

DAMIEN: (YELPS AS HE GETS PICKED UP) Ah! Let me go, Sir Angelo! My Rilla, I have to findher, I have to—

ANGELO: Shh, now. Speak your heart, Sir Damien. You did nottell me about this lizard’s eyes before. Do they… (HOPEFUL, AND ALSO GIVING AWAY THE ENTIRE SECRET) … have some sort of powers of manipulation? (LotL)

DAMIEN: But Sir Angelo, I must speak my heart—

CAROLINE: Again?    

ANGELO: No, no! I’ll stop you right there, friend. Take thistrial as progress in our mission. We will clear this curse upon the village ofBallast and come that much closer to understanding our adversary! (LotL)

For people who know and understand Damien, like Queen Mira, it’s simple enough to work with him to accomplish a task. 

QUEEN: His single-mindedness mayirritate you, but I suggest you learn to use it. He will fight when injured. Hewill never rest. When Sir Damien’s been convinced the demons of his heart canbe quieted with an action he will perform that action to the ends of the earth. (LotL)

For someone like Sir Caroline, who doesn’t bother trying to figure him out and just expects him to interact with the world exactly like she does, there’s endless frustration.

CAROLINE: But Sir Damien… I’ve been searching for nearly twoweeks now, and I can find no reason you should keep him as close as you do.

Sir Angelo, myself, and at least half a dozenother knights are stronger fighters than he. When given a research task hecollects turns of phrase instead of information. (LotL)

SIRCAROLINE: You see, this was the second piece of advice I tookfrom you, my Queen: making use of what you called Sir Damien’s singlemindedness,and what I might refer to as his incessant need to think and talk about thesame topics for hours, days, and weeks at a time.

(Collecting turns of phrase when he should be researching also suggests that poetry is Damien’s Special Interest. His trademarked singlemindedness is itself one of those things that makes me think of autism.)

Like I mentioned with Jacket, it’s something that I’ve seen a lot of with my family, with my friends, and with my students, where a person goes into an interaction assuming that the other person is neurotypical, and they misinterpret nerodivergent behaviors as rudeness or stupidity; meanwhile somebody who’s familiar with how that person works can better explain or ask for clarification. 

There are other little things that are harder to pin to one specific quote. He tends to ramble about one thing in particular for longer than some people may think is appropriate. He’s impeccably loyal to the Queen, to Rilla, and to Sir Angelo. The way he reacts to losing Rilla is itself uncannily reminiscent of the way my little brother has reacted to certain events– they seem disproportionate and extreme from an outsider’s perspective.

Of course, I don’t like spending too much time drawing parallels between Sir Damien and my brothers, because I write porn about Sir Damien, and I’d rather not ponder my brothers’ sex lives if it can be at all helped. 

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

Hey, I am totally Neuro typical but I have an autistic oc. I was wondering if you would give me advice on what you would like to see in media if I ever get published. He ISs is nonverbal and hates loud sounds and eye contact. When he gets scared he runs off to see plants. He likes plants and keeps some flowers with him. He has trouble with clothes and touch and has a cloak and one shirt that he can where. I still have questions about stimming. What it is and how do i (if I should) write it?

Alright! First of all, I think that you might want to take a look at @scriptautistic; they are a blog specifically designed to help writers write autistic characters. Their FAQ is a very good place to start, and you can search keywords like ‘nonverbal’ or ‘stimming’ on their blog.

First of all, I think you picked a very risky character to write. No offense. Since you’re using ‘he’ pronouns, I’m assuming he’s a guy. Your autistic character is a nonverbal guy. I’m going to state this right now, for the record: I have literally never seen a nonverbal character written well by a neurotypical. If I saw this on the back of a book, I’d put it back like I’d been burned.

Aside from the fact that I’ve never seen a nonverbal character written well by a neurotypical, he also sounds stereotypical. This post by scriptautistic describes the stereotypical autistic character. As you can see, you’re already ticking off at least four of the twelve points just with your short description. This is a big risk to take, especially for a neurotypical. You might want to work to make sure that you don’t fall into the other categories as well.

What I do like about your character is his special interest in plants. The fact that he carries around a couple of flowers with him is very realistic, at least in my experience; I had the habit of carrying books around for the longest time because they were my special interest and comforted me. 

Aside from that, this particular type of special interest has potential to become unique if you make sure to not make him focus on the science of plants, but rather on nurturing them. I’ll get deeper into what I mean by that later.

This post is becoming way too long, so I’ll put the rest under the cut..

First of all, I’ll give you a couple of general tips for writing autistic characters:

Be careful what sites you use for research. Remember that actually autistic people should always be your primary source material. Autism Speaks is awful, if the sites mention ABA or therapy aimed to make people ‘indistinguishable from peers’, run. ASAN, however, is a good place to start. As is the Autism Women’s Network.

Be aware of stereotypes. I’ve already mentioned that your character has fairly stereotypical traits, but you can still avoid making him stereotypical if you know what you’re doing. Research the fuck out of stereotypes and try to avoid and/or deconstruct them if possible.

Give your character a personality. A problem with many neurotypical writers attempting to write an autistic character is that they forget to give their character a personality beyond their autistic traits. Yes, autism affects every part of us, but we are still unique individuals. Don’t write your character like an autism traits checklist.

It’s ‘autistic’, not ‘person with autism’. People will try to tell you different, but the vast majority of autistic people prefer ‘autistic’. You did this good already, but I thought I’d mention it anyway.

Get autistic beta/sensitivity readers. Sometimes neurotypicals manage to create an autistic despite not having sensitivity readers, but it’s not recommended. 

Give your character an integral part in the plot, that is not to be a motivation for another character. If your character solely exists as a motivation for another character (ex: the autistic younger brother that the big brother must protect), honestly, stop. It’s insulting to be treated as a plot device. At the very least, give us agency and have us affect the plot through our own actions.

If a character is acting ableist, call them out in the narrative. Not to say that you need to have a character going ‘uh, that’s ableist’, just condemn the actions. For example, if a mother tells someone about their child’s autistic diagnosis without their permission, have the other characters side-eye her, or have the autistic character protest, or just put a sentence in that makes it clear that the narrator disapproves of the behaviour.

Write an autistic character, but don’t write about autism. This is general advice for any minority you don’t belong too. Our experiences are unique and an outsider can’t fully tell them. Write an autistic character, but don’t make your story about autism. 

Don’t make him ‘grow out’ of his autistic traits. Don’t show character development by making him stop stimming or something. 

And lastly, don’t other your character. It’s okay to make it clear that he’s different from your other characters, but make sure that they respect him and consider him one of their own anyway. Don’t make him seem like an alien.

Secondly, I’m going to adress writing the ‘nonverbal’ part of your character, as you have to be really careful with that, especially since you’re neurotypical. I’m not nonverbal, but I can give you a couple of general tips and things to keep in mind when writing a nonverbal autistic character:

PLEASE do extensive research, and base your character primarily on the experience of actual nonverbal autistic people. If you don’t you will reinforce negative stereotypes, whether you know it or not. 

Remember that alternate forms of communication exist. Since you mentioned a cloak, I’m assuming your story isn’t set in modern day times (we don’t really have cloaks anymore after all), and in that case, AAC technology doesn’t exist. Even so, research ways your character could communicate with people around them without talking (I’d advise against making him rely solely on charades; it can work, but you’ll run a high risk of falling into the stereotype that nonverbal people can’t communicate at all).

Remember not to infantilize your character. Autistic people can come across as childish, but if your character is an adult, they are still an adult, even if they’re nonverbal and autistic. Write him like his age. Give your character agency, opinions, etc. (you’d think this goes without saying but you’d be wrong)

Now, let’s move onto stimming. Since you don’t know what it is, I’m assuming you haven’t researched autism a lot. That’s okay, there’s a place to start for everyone. However, assume that you don’t know a lot. This resource post by scriptautistic has a lot of good resources listed. And the FAQ of this blog, autism-asks, is very extensive and contains good explenations for basic things. ‘What is stimming?’ is answered in detail there too.

I made a seperate post about writing stimming here, because I thought this would be useful to many more people. 

For your character specifically, I’d recommend making him stim with soft textures, his cloak (by rubbing/fidgeting with it), the plants he carries with him (by rubbing the petals, for example), to start with.

Now, we get to your character specifically. You have given me very little information to work with, but I can give you a couple of tips nonetheless:

Decide your character’s empathy level. Autistics often experience empathy differently from neurotypicals. Simplified, we tend to either have a lot of it (hyperempathy) or low/no empathy. Researching both would be good, however for your character specifically, I strongly recommend giving him hyperempathy. This is underrepresented and since you already have given your character a lot of stereotypical autistic traits, giving him the stereotypical low empathy on top of all that would be a bad idea.

Also, people with hyperempathy tend to also have empathy for things like plants/animals, which could be interesting in combination with his special interest.

I mentioned earlier that having your character focus on the nurturing side of his special interest (aka taking care of plants, making them grow, developing a garden), rather than the scientific aspect (their biology, their cells, etc.) would be a good idea. If your character focuses on nurturing things, making them grow, they tend to have a ‘caretaker’ personality. This defeats the stereotype that autistics are heartless/have no emotions. This could work to humanize the character and to make him unique.

Furthermore, it would bring your character farther from the stereotypical autistic male, who is often obsessed with math/science. Giving them the science side of plants as their special interest, however, would play into that stereotype.

However, DON’T make him a savant. He doesn’t ‘magically’ grow plants (unless actual magic is involved). He has simply spent a lot of time with them and therefore knows a lot more about them than the average person. Don’t make him a genius.

You mentioned that he runs to plants when he feels scared. Why? Does focusing on his special interest comfort him? Does he stim with the smell? Is it a familiar environment for him? A combination? Specify this to yourself and the readers.

How practical is running to plants when he feels scared? Where does he live? Does he ever move to a place without plants, or travel? What happens when he doesn’t have access to this coping mechanism?

Take care not to infantilize them and make sure your other characters respect him, his intelligence, and his opinion. From what you’ve told me, there’s a pretty high risk of that happening, especially with the running away when feeling scared thing.

I recommend that you read Anne Ursu’s The Real Boy (here on the Book Depository, here on Amazon USA), partly because it’s fucking good, partly the main character is an autistic boy who doesn’t like eye contact and is hypersensitive and has a special interest in herbs. It sounds like your character has a lot of similarities with him, and it might help to read a similar character.

However, Ursu is still neurotypical, so don’t treat is as a bible.

Here is an interview with Ursu (does spoil the book) that might help you gain some insight.

Here is a review by Disability in Kidlit (which is a good resource in general), that also might help you gain some insight (again, spoils the book). 

Primarily, I recommend that you do a shitton of research, and listen to autistic people.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!

[tumblunni]

How do I write an autistic villain without demonizing autism by accident? ;-;

I’m not really sure why you’re messaging this to me. I’m really sorry but I’m not an expert on like.. political stuff about autism stereotyping, just because I’m autistic. And it depends on which country you live in, I know that america has a far more visible sort of cultural presence for stereotypes, due to the whole Autism $peaks controversies. I dont live in america and I’m not super smart or anything, so yeah this is a disclaimer that this is just my opinion and you should probably research answers given by other people too. And maybe ask people about the specific circumstances of what you’re writing, like the context of the setting of the story and what the villain is like, etc. I’d be happy to chat to you about that if you need help! (but again, im no expert, lol)

ANYWAY!

My opinion on the subject is that having an autistic villain is perfectly fine, as long as you’re not villainizing autism. Like...* Don’t make the autism the reason theyre a villain.* Don’t make people scared of them because of the autism, rather than because they’re a villain.* Don’t treat their autistic traits as scary or inherantly villainous.* Don’t make anyone insult them for their autism and act like its justified because they’re evil.

And similarly its bad form to do any of that stuff in regard to any sort of minority really. An example that always bugged me is how Excellus from Fire Emblem Awakening is scary and evil because he’s a murderous monster, yet everyone in the game constantly insults him for the fact he acts ambiguously gay/transgender/effeminate. Like, there’s way too many jokes about people finding him ‘disgusting’ because of some random thing he can’t change, like a sexuality, race or mental illness which plenty of non-evil people have too! It also lessens his impact as a villain because the characters barely even address the actual villainous things he does, and he doesnt seem to have any motive at all. They just ride on the whole ‘the audience will find him gross’ thing as a crutch and forgot to bother writing a good villain.

Oh, and your concerns are indeed valid, yo! Sometimes it is important to think about the context you created a character in, even if you didnt intentionally create any negative messages within your writing.It’s just that the case where a character will be seen as villainizing [minority trait] for being a villain... that’s kind of only in a very specific circumstance? its just that this specific circumstance is very very common in mass media nowadays.It’s ‘The Smurfette Principle’.If you only have one character of a minority in your cast, its easy for an uninformed audience to pick up messages that you’re saying ALL members of that minority are the same as them.If you only have one autistic character and he’s the villain, then you might accidentally be villainizing him. In a world where autistic characters being villainized for their autism is already very common, people could just assume you made them autistic for the same reason all those other writers did- because they think it’s ‘scary’. It feeds the stereotype even if you didn’t conciously intend it that way.

So a very very easy way to fix this problem is just to add multiple characters of a minority into your story, filling various roles from villain to hero to helpful npc. or anything you can think of!

Another good quick fix is to have your villain be autistic, but portray their autistic traits as sympathetic/relateable/a humanizing aspect of them. Not just portraying it as something neutral that doesnt make them scary, but going out of your way to add some scenes showing how they’re just like anybody else. Or even making it one of their redeeming traits!It doesn’t have to outright be something like ‘yo being autistic makes me inherantly good and childlike’, which is a stereotype all to itself, lol. But you could show them experiencing predjudice from another character, in a way that makes the audience sympathise. Honestly having a character attack them for being autistic instead of being a villain would be a good way to do this, as long as that character is actually shown as being wrong for what they’re doing. Or simply showing the villain having common autistic traits, facing common problems, doing common everyday things... that can be enough to portray autism positively. Have them shown doing this stuff outside of the situation of them being villainous. It makes them feel more human and less of an abstract symbol of evil. And because these small glimpses of normality are lightening the mood, they become seen as a positive aspect!

KIND OF AN OFFTOPIC TANGEANT SORRYJust my personal experience as an autistic kid experiencing this story... I personally headcanoned Cyrus from pokemon as autistic. Not because he’s ‘scary and emotionless’, but because his backstory was relateable to me as an autistic person. It’s said that his parents were emotionally abusive, and that he had nobody to turn to because everyone thought he was ‘a creepy kid’. And he was able to find solace by obsessing over repairing machines in his bedroom, and apparantly has trouble understanding people because they can’t be fixed as easily. Stuff like maths and science are kind of a stereotypical Special Interest for autistic children to be given in fiction, I guess because it makes you seem more intelligent when you obsess about that instead of video games, norse mythology, or collecting tiny novelty spoons from around the world XD (Yeah i was a weird kid.)So yeah sorry I went a little offtopic there, but the point is that it might have been by accident instead of intention but that villain has a lot of traits that read as autistic. And when i first played Diamond and Pearl I actually disliked him a lot because of that, I felt like they were villainizing someone who seemed relateable and potentially redeemable. I mean, he seemed pretty depressed too! Give that man some therapy! But when I played Platinum and got to learn his backstory I started to feel like the writers actually did want us to feel sympathetic to him, because of how all those ‘scary’ traits were presented so sympathetically. Like.. the backstory isn’t that he became evil because he was an autistic kid who did creepy things like obsess about machinery and suck at social contact. No, he became a villain because he was abused by his parents, him being ‘weird’ is just intended to make it clear here that he didnt deserve it. It makes him pitiable, it makes him relateable, it makes you feel so much more frustrated that nobody listened to him and saved him from that hell, and nobody even seems to remember him fondly, just because he was ‘weird’. And hell, even his ‘emotion is evil’ philosophy seems very relateable to me as an autistic child. It seems like he learned to seclude himself to avoid angering his parents. That’s the impression I got from his final scene in Platinum, where he finally acts angry at you for beating him, then gets angry at himself for expressing emotion and forces himself to go back to how he usually talks. I get a bit pissed off whenever I see fans of the series claim he actually IS emotionless, lol! This scene made it clear to me that this is just a guy who WISHES he was emotionless, somehow seeing it as the only way to be free of pain. Someone who struggles to deal with his own emotions, or feels like he’s disgusting when he expresses them. And this is VERY relateable specifically to an autistic kid who suffered from an abusive parent! “Quiet Hands” is a kind of common concept that autistic kids might experience, that’s the name for a popular ‘parenting technique’ that really fucks people up. Focusing on making your kid never ‘act autistic’, rather than actually helping them understand things. ‘Quiet Hands’ is specifically about slapping or smacking your kid whenever they show stimming behaviour. (Hand flapping being a common way this symptom can manifest.) We’re taught never to be too loud, and to always always have to restrain ourselves to avoid embarassing our parents. We have to try and learn how to act like ‘normal people’ and become scared of harmless parts of our own brain just because theyre ‘embarassing’, leading to even worse emotional problems as an adult. i mean seriously how is it logical to tell a kid who has troubles with social interaction that they shouldnt even practise it?? Plus its a huge mess to teach these kids to do way more emotional labour than neurotypical kids are expected to do, and then treat them like they’re below average intelligence for not being able to do twice as much as everyone else...

ANYWAY! That’s a thinG! Sorry I went rambling off there about how a particular fictional character touched my heart, lol!I just kinda wish he could be canonically autistic, or if I had similar canonically autistic characters to relate to, instead. So i think having more autistic villains can’t be bad, we’re so badly in need of more autistic characters in general! And villains have a unique perspective of being able to hit our emotions the hardest. I think its easier to cry over someone who has a sad backstory of how they became evil, compared to anything else!So yeah what I was trying to say before I went offtopic is that if the backstory is ‘became evil because autism’, then people will complain. But if the backstory is ‘became evil because someone mistreated them because autism’ then that’s a good way to make people sympathise with autism. Aaaaand I’m bad at explaining this, because autism XD Well, i mean, my personal symptoms and lack of diagnosis til I was an adult means that I’m still working on learning how to communicate correctly, I don’t mean every autistic person writes terrible tl;dr advice posts that degrade into pokemon XDOh man i feel embarassed now, you asked me such a polite question and I didnt know how to answer it very well...I just hope maybe I inspired you to go out and do more research, rather than putting you off with my nonsense!

[piero217]

Be Careful with the Blue Filter on FB

I usually don’t use social networks to write comments and/or ideas of my own. Instead, I merely use it to share things that I agree with and that I feel will encourage others, or in any case, things that I consider healthy entertainment. However, given the ease with which certain things—and “trends”—move in social networks, today I’ll break with that habit, because I think it’s important for all of us to be properly informed.

It's 99.99% sure that, throughout April you will see that at least one of your FB contacts is using a blue filter on their profile picture. I’m almost certain as well that you already know it’s related to “supporting autism” if you live in the USA or some other English-speaking country. Then, you may think, “Oh, that seems like a noble cause,” and you’ll use the same filter a few days to support that same cause… until you get bored and revert to your original profile pic or add a new one. But before you decide to use that filter, I want you to know exactly what’s behind it.

Two days ago, on April 2nd, several landmarks all around the globe were lit up blue in “celebration” of the World Autism Awareness Day, whose apparent goal is to “raise public awareness of autism”. But one day just doesn’t seem enough to support this cause, which is why we have an “Autism Awareness Month”.

Hey, that’s just cool, isn’t it? After all, in a world where there is more and more talk about overcoming discrimination and promoting acceptance of all individuals, isn’t it a great thing to seek ways to better understand and support people on the autistic spectrum? Except that this isn’t what actually happens.

The blue color, usually accompanied by the image of a puzzle piece, is characteristic of the “Light It Up Blue” campaign, spearheaded by a non-governmental organization called AUTISM SPEAKS. This organization claims to support people with autism—which, by the way, is the wrong term; I’ll tell you why in a moment—and their families, as well as promote scientific research in that field.

However, if you pay attention to the “fine print” of their manifesto, so to speak, what these people really seek is to eradicate autism, as if it were an epidemic. Their scientific research doesn’t focus on how to improve the lives of autistics but how to ensure that, in the future, they cease to exist altogether. Their advertising campaigns, rather than promote understanding towards autistic people, present them as a burden and an evil that shouldn’t exist. Scared yet? You should be.

As a friend to autistics—and a potential candidate to be on the spectrum, according to them—I can assure you that they are all wonderful people, and even though they’re hard to understand sometimes, they have so much to contribute to this world.

I’ve learned from them that autism is not a disease—although it is medically classified as a disorder, and yes, there is a difference; you can investigate if you like—but a condition that makes them perceive the world surrounding them in a unique way. That is why talking about “people with autism” instead of “autistic people” is offensive, both for them and for those who really love them and seek to support them.

But you know? Because of this way in which they perceive the world, they also suffer. And it’s not their fault or even the fault of autism itself, but the fault of the people around them who don’t know how to take care of them; who don’t have the patience to attend to their particular needs or aren’t interested in knowing more about them; and who prefer to play the role of victims rather than having the courage to defend them. (By the way, this doesn’t apply exclusively to autistic children, since the vast majority of the autistic population is actually comprised of young people and adults!)

Now, it is not my intention to start a debate against AUTISM SPEAKS, nor to judge or criticize people who don’t know/don’t want to deal with people on the autistic spectrum. If it were, I could simply share other people’s posts that provide fairly solid arguments in that regard. What I really want is to give you my point of view as a Christian; that is, as someone who has learned how to treat others from the best possible example: JESUS.

You see, Jesus was a friend to those rejected by most of the people of His time. He sought to spend time with them and listen to them, showing them a love they did not receive from anyone else. Was it tough? Surely. Did it cost him some of His other friends? Definitely. Time and effort? A lot, maybe. But He didn’t care about it. He knew to put the needs of others above His own. He would be the last to reject someone just because that person’s mind works differently from that of others. That is love in action.

What Jesus wanted to accomplish by doing this was for others to learn to do the same, to live a practical love. He expects you and me to know how to love in that same way. 1 Corinthians 13 says clearly true love “is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable… Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

You may think that it’s hard to be kind to someone who doesn’t stand the human touch or who cannot socialize with others. You may think that it’s not possible to be patient with someone who often has a sensory overload and needs certain stimuli to relax. You may say that it’s just natural to get irritated or to be rude to people who understand things differently than you. You may boast saying that you’re better than someone who has difficulty speaking or expressing him/herself; or, on the other hand, you may be jealous because that person actually proves to be smarter than you. But true love overcomes all that, and that kind of love is precisely what the autistic person needs more than anything in this world.

Dear friend, if you are a Christian, or if you at least believe in God, show the same love that He showed! If you know someone on the autistic spectrum, don’t just use a filter on FB to support him/her. Don’t try to be good to them because you pity them either. Show them a true love! Be the friend or family that they’ve never had! And beyond that, motivate and teach others to love them in the same way. Only you can help put an end to the rejection they feel and give them the acceptance they deserve.

Finally, I would like you to understand something vital. Autistics are not a mistake of God. Autistics are not a problem that needs to be solved or eradicated. Autistics are not sick people who have to be cured. On the contrary, as is true with every precious human being who comes to this world, autistic people have a very special purpose! If you don’t believe me, take a look at the following list of scientists, artists and influential people who made history and who are believed to have been in the autistic spectrum: Albert Einstein, Amadeus Mozart, Lewis Carroll, Sir Isaac Newton, Michelangelo, Nikola Tesla—whose work Edison stole, by the way, but that’s a topic for another occasion—Thomas Jefferson, Hans Christian Andersen, to name a few.

If you’ve reached the end of this text, I thank you immensely for taking the time to read all of it. If you still want to show your support to autistic people through social networks, I recommend that, instead of using the blue filter, you use a golden filter to support the "Light It Up Gold" campaign, created specifically by the autistic community and for the autistic community. But remember that the most important thing is not what you live on Facebook, but what you live out in your daily life. If you really want to support an autistic friend/family member, remember that your practical love towards them is the best way to do it.

Fae, Max, this is for you. You have no idea of just how much I love you guys, and God loves you too. I will never cease to be grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to know you. I hope that I’ve been a good friend to you so far, and I long to be friends with you always. You guys rock!