#n let me just make myself explicitly clear

[strangeracrossthestreet]

I swear Lenore's the biggest personification of Katy Perry's Hot N Cold song I've ever seen WHEEEZES

This isn't going to be very nice to Lenore, and in general the "remembering in pieces" mechanic, so just don't click read more if you don't want to see me tear into it thanks.

Like I know we all love to call Annabel a manipulator, and she is, but THIS MOMENT is kind of egregious as fuck to me.

The audacity to call her a monster (AND mad) to her face and then comfort her when she reacts badly over it

The audacity to look at her like this:

and then immediately after do this:

Why is she even saying "I don't know what I'd do with myself" if she's not supposed to remember that they were close?

But then why would she be acting like this if she DOES remember that they're close???

The worst thing is that it's so obvious how Lenore cares for the Misfits but when it comes to Annabel it feels cheap? Like it doesn't feel like there's any connection there other than "I remember I'm supposed to love you but do I actually?" rather than there being any genuine emotions involved. (Is that the point???)

WHERE is the delusion? The "Annabel must have surely had a reason—"

WHERE is the trust?

WHERE is the loyalty? <- truly my biggest gripe because Annabel is so fucking devoted I cannot let it go, I can't LMAO

WHERE is her not actually being as mad as she SHOULD be despite all of her misgivings and thus making Duke and Pluto suspicious as all hell?

Lenore has never ONCE given Annabel the benefit of the doubt and I understand that in the beginning when she knew nothing, but now? NOW? After THIS

Clear realization?

At some point I have to think that the flashbacks we're shown are not things they remember in canon unless we're explicitly shown them waking up to it because THIS

does not make sense otherwise.

Lenore WHY are you not losing your mind here? After saying that you're done with Annabel's whole game?

Go crazy go feral???

Annabel gave you the same reasoning, Lenore. Why are you tolerating this from him? You were manhandling Annabel and inches away from pulling a gun on her but now Duke has Annabel by the throat and halfway past a balcony railing and you're just TALKING?

Lenore tell me. Tell MEEEE!

Is it because Annabel treats it like a "game"? She's being playfully and giggly rather than being serious and "there's no other way" like Duke, even though she said THIS

before.

That's the worst part, really. Annabel has been VERY transparent the ENTIRE time and yet Lenore gets mad over her doing exactly what she said she'll do.

Conclusion to my rant:

What do they remember, what do they NOT remember? I don't know!

Annabel is devoted to the depths of hell even to her own detriment but is that because she remembers or because she's just Like That™?

Lenore is full of doubts and perpetual suspicions, and is willing to call her a monster to her face, but at the same time she sprouts "I don't know what I'll do without you." and jumps off balconies. Is that because she remembers or because she's just Like That™?

What is going ON

It's been a week, give or take, right? So they remember, what? 5 days worth of memories? Unless they remember much, much more than just a singular happening a night?

It feels inconsistent at best and utterly pointless at worst.

Just show us the flashbacks as an outside thing, it didn't have to be organically connected to their Nevermore storyline,,,,OR have them remember everything only when they first go Specre

[madridfangirl]

A Weekend in Ibiza - Part 2

(Jude Bellingham blurb)

(Part 1, Part 3, Part 4)

2.6k words. Jude*female reader. Suggestive language.

A/n - When we don't get Jude holiday content, we make shit up

.............................................................................

The cold shower calmed your nerves and cleared your head. The fog lifted from the brain, replaced with fury. 

That fucker, that assholic fucker, really thought he could play you like this? Just waltz into your peaceful space & bend you to his will?

What a sad, little life he lived if that’s the kind of people he was surrounded with. 

Oh, you were gonna show him his place. Real good.

What you did next shocked you. But propriety had gone out of the window the moment he turned this into a battle of wits, dragging you in as an unwilling participant.

Jude was done with Round 2 & was lounging on the deck when he heard his spare phone buzz. He lazily felt around the surface for his waist bag, too blissed out to move. The naked woman lying half on top of him, feeding him grapes was a factor too.

What he saw made him rub his eyes & sit upright. The woman whined at the interruption, which he barely registered.

‘Naa I am busy. Going snorkelling with this one.’ 

Attached was the back image of a man. A big, well built, shirtless, heavily muscular, glossy skinned, wet man. A surfer’s body. 

‘And who is he?’

‘Met him on the beach just now. Said he wanted to show me a few things. Am gonna let him.’

That was a sucker punch to the gut that he didn’t see coming.

‘You are bluffing.’

‘Yeah? Want me to send you a pic after? Don’t think we’ll find a bed but a remote island maybe?’

He called you. Disconnected in the first ring. He called again. Same result.

‘Don’t do this. It’s not safe.’

‘I am a big girl, I can handle myself.’

‘What happened to the no casual sex policy?’

‘A girl can change her mind. CERTAINLY for a guy like that.’

‘Rubbish - he looks OLD.’

‘Word you are looking for is experienced. A MAN, not some little boy fresh out of his teens.’

‘Look, I’ll stop if you stop.’

‘Never asked you to stop. Never asked you for ANYTHING. Infact, I explicitly told you to go with the woman throwing herself at you.’

‘HE WONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU.’

‘I’ll find out soon, won’t I? Hope he likes my new swimsuit.’

Jude resisted the urge to throw his phone in the water. The woman looked at him curiously as he paced around the deck.

Confrontation wasn’t helping his case, so he changed tact.

‘Listen, we got off on a non-ideal note. I can see that. But we can talk this through. I’ll come back right now, yeah? Just give me like 15 mins.’

‘1) The world does not revolve around you 2) Actions have consequences 3) Chris is waiting & I am going to him now. Will be MIA for a few hours. Bye.’

Jude called again. You didn’t pick up. He left one final, desperate message.

‘Please don’t do this. I am sorry. You can get back at me in other ways. Please.’

You smiled victoriously as you looked at his plea. Two please and a sorry in one sentence. Ergo, mission accomplished. Who knew a picture of Chris Hemsworth in your gallery would come in so handy one day. Oh, the benefits of thirsting.

Putting your phone on airplane mode (to let him stew further), you got under the covers, still in your bathrobe, and drifted off to a peaceful afternoon nap.

Complete contradiction to his state.

Jude was struggling to wrap his head around what just happened. And why it was bothering him so much. He stripped to his briefs and jumped in the cool, crystal blue water. To erase the images plaguing his mind. Of you in your swimsuit. Of you and that horny geriatric fucker.

At one point he even looked around the water, trying to look for the snorkelling spots. Then cursed himself for being reduced to that. 

The current was brisk, numbing him enough to think straight. All wasn’t lost. Not yet. He just needed to come up with a better move. A different move. Coz you were different, it had been well established. The rebuttal did bruise his ego, he admitted to himself, but he was still sure he wasn’t wrong in sensing your attraction. It just needed the right nudge to bring you to him.

He emerged from the water, enthused again, and the woman rushed to him, offering to help him de stress & unwind from whatever was bothering him. Jude was never gonna pass up on a quick head in the loo. As he thrusted into her mouth, he found himself wishing it to be you.

If only you had been that easy. But then, the chase won’t be as fun, the anticipation not as deep. Plus he was certain your affections couldn’t be gained from fame, money or expensive gifts. You’d probably throw them in his face if he attempted that. 

He wondered if things would be different if you knew who he was. That there was a different side to him too. An idea struck him then, right at the peak of his orgasm.

You woke up after 3 long blissful hours, stretching your limbs, still burrowed under the covers, and put your phone off airplane mode.

One message from him, from an hour ago.

‘Atleast tell me you are back safely.’

The change in tone did not go unnoticed and you figured this merited a response. 

‘Just got done. Exhausted. Gonna sleep it off now.’

Letting the innuendo hang in the air, you ordered your evening cappuccino & croissant, enjoying them in your private balcony overlooking the waters. And played your favourite music, as you watched the evening sun cast patterns in the sky. Splurging for this room was turning out to be a great decision after all.

Curiosity got the better of you then, and you succumbed to googling him, to know more about this ridiculous/ridiculously handsome creature.

When you looked, you prayed you hadn’t. The guy wasn’t just atrociously hot, but he was many other things. Damn good at his day job (excellence at work was your primary turn-on). Well spoken & articulate (wtf happened to him today then?). Wholesome with his family (your number 2 turn-on). Unbelievably amazing with kids (you could jump from the balcony right now with the number of boxes he was ticking). And just generally affable & affectionate to everyone around.

You scrolled & scrolled through countless reels, & wondered which was the real him. The dickhead he was this morning or this angelic creature loved by all & sundry? Everyone seemed to swear by him. Did you catch him on a bad day then? Or was this a carefully crafted public persona to fool the world?

You kept going back to that one video with kids, which was melting your insides. 

That, and another one with him being abrasive on the pitch, picking up fights. Some would have called it cocky, and it was, but it was also inexplicably hot? Knee-wobbling hot? It was the same cockiness he had this morning but that had put you off. This video, though, was making your head spin. Giving him a power you never wished for him to have over you. And his body, oh god that body, plus the way he carried that attitude. 

You quickly threw the phone away, hoping you weren’t in too deep already. Consciously reminding yourself what an entitled prick he had been and how furious it had made you.

Needing an immediate distraction, you called home & listened to your 4 year old nephew babble for a good 30 mins. And your mom telling you all the news from back home for another 30 mins. 

Dinner was the next distraction. You took your time in picking a delicacy, settled on paella, a glass of wine and put on a comfort movie on Netflix as you enjoyed your dinner in bed. For some reason, you were avoiding going outside.

It was 10 pm, the sun had finally set making it feel like night time. No more messages from him since the last one to check on you. Which was a good thing. Which is what you wanted. Right? 

Yes, of course. Finally you were rid of him. He must be out, doing something, or someone. Far far away from you.

A quick look at his Insta won’t hurt, would it? It would just confirm his whereabouts, so you can finally be at peace, away from him.

One new post. From 2 hours ago. Captioned ‘Making memories’. A bunch of pics from his day - sunbathing at the yacht, lunch with friends, frolicking in the water & sun-set. Carefully avoiding any hint of the women she knew were a part of his entourage. Just the guy friends made it to post, making you roll your eyes loudly.

When you reached the last pic though, you did a double take. For the second time today, the glass nearly dropped from your hands.

The pic had a glass of wine, and a tissue paper next to it. You could tell it was the same tissue they had used to exchange notes - it was in a blurred background, difficult to spot for others but you could make out your handwriting. And his.

Tagged to it was a song - Can’t we start over again.

You questioned your grip on reality as you read the lyrics of the song.

I know I’ve caused you pain.

Took you for granted.

I’ve been such a fool.

Can’t we start over again?

What the holy fuck was this? What in the name of god was he playing at?

Half-mad, half dazed, you quickly dialled his number. It rang & rang for eternity, he picked up on the last ring.

‘Missed me?’

It just hit you that you were hearing his voice for the first time. It was deeper & huskier than you had imagined. But you quickly regained control of the situation.

‘Are you mad? Are you totally completely mad?’

‘Saw the post, huh?’

‘Damn right I did. Seriously, what were you thinking? What if your horde of fans put two & two together? What if people start assembling here to inquire? God, what if people find that waiter? Jude, what did you do?’

You started to hyperventilate, pacing around the room.

‘Ok. Take a deep breath & listen to me, yeah? No one knows we are talking, not even my friends. The waiter I tipped handsomely to forget about what happened. The note is blurred, no one can make out what’s written other than you & me. All others will see is just a glass of wine on a holiday. And a reminiscing song which can be for anyone. Or maybe they’ll think I am drunk. There is zero way to trace it back to you. Heck, even I don’t know your name yet. So relax. I won’t compromise your privacy when you made it clear how important that was to you.’

His soothing voice, coupled with unassailable logic, calmed you instantly. You could almost laugh at how you had overreacted. Almost. You weren’t gonna tell him that.

‘Are you with me?’

‘Umm yeah, guess you are right.’

You could hear music blaring in the background. He must be out partying at some club when you rudely interrupted him. You were about to ask him to go back to what he was doing before he chimed in.

‘So, did you have fun today?’

You rolled your eyes at his roundabout attempt to ask what he really wanted to ask. Well, two can play this game.

‘Oh yeah. Great day, super relaxing, after a long time.’

‘Ended too quickly, no?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Well, if you were with me, no way we would be done in just 3 hours. No way you would be alone tonight, checking out another man online.’

He had just shown you how you were an amateur in the game he was a pro in. Honestly, you hadn’t even anticipated this line of thought. But clearly he had. In the same way he knew you would check him out online. Damn him, to the moon & back.

‘Told you he looked geriatric. Did he even…?’

‘Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Not another word on this.’

Your breath was laboured by now. What gave you solace was that his was ragged at the other end too. He wasn’t unaffected either. Both were silent for a bit. He broke it eventually. 

‘I meant what I said in the post. Shouldn’t have done what I did. Not to you. Wasn’t really thinking straight.’

‘Not to ANYONE.’

He had the good sense to stay quiet and not point out that it worked with others.

‘Yes. Can we get past it? I feel like I have been rejected enough for one day.’

You couldn’t stop yourself from chuckling, & he caught the shift in your mood.

‘Maybe.’

Now that was a window he didn’t think he was gonna get. And was extremely pleased with himself for getting here.

‘I’ll take that. Now, you know damn well I want you. And I know you are thinking about me too. Don’t start denying it, that wasn’t a question. Why are you fighting this, baby?’

Again he was cutting straight to the chase. This time though, it didn’t annoy you. It made you nervous, as you twisted & turned in your bed.

‘I told you why.’

You said softly, surprised at the tone of your voice.

‘Let me come over there & change your mind.’

‘I..I don’t know, Jude.’

He gripped a nearby pole harshly at the way his name sounded in your voice. 

‘Tell me, do I make you nervous?’

The accent was thicker now, making him even sexier. Making you bury your head in the pillow.

‘The situation makes me nervous.’

‘But me too?’

A pregnant pause. Then, a faint whisper.

‘Yes.’

‘I won’t do anything you aren’t ready for - trust me. Heck, knowing you, you’d probably kick me out naked if I try anything like that.’

You sighed into the pillow, and had no idea what these sounds were doing to him.

‘Aren’t you curious? Haven’t you pictured us together in bed, naked & wrapped around each other? Coz that’s all I have been doing since morning.’

‘Jude….please..’

‘Think of it as an adventure, yeah? A weekend in Ibiza that both of us would remember. We are wasting precious time, baby girl. Please, just please let me come to you right now & show you a good time.’

He had laid all his cards on the table, and waited for your response. Like it was judgement day.

You breathed heavily into the pillow, as you arrived at your decision.

‘Not tonight.’

‘WHAT?’

‘Not tonight.’

You could hear him breathe raggedly at the other end.

‘So, tomorrow then?’

‘I…don’t know, not yet.’

‘You are seriously gonna leave me hanging like this?’

‘I am sure you can find ways to distract & humour yourself in the meantime.’

More heavy breathing from him.

‘Are you a professional torturer of some kind? If not, you are in the wrong line.’

‘Thanks for the suggestion, I will think about it. Now, go back to your party.’

‘HANG ON. Are you for real?’

‘Very much. Now, be a good boy & let me think, yes? Bye, Jude.’

You blew a kiss into the phone & disconnected it, leaving him squirming & stunned at the other end.

................................................................................................

Hoping and praying this delivered the tension & takedown you all so vociferously wanted :))

There will be a Part 3 and I swear it will have smut 😂

Feel free to drop in your asks / suggestions for the next chapter - I moulded this chapter on the overwhelming sentiment in the asks :)

[samsno1]

Honesty

Sam Winchester x Reader

lmao, i'm sorry. this is kind of an au where instead of sam getting the trials...you do! haha......might make a second part to this but i'll see how it'll do. also, in this there isn't the stupid "sam doesn't look for dean in purgatory" because the writers were fucked up when they wrote that, respectfully (or not)

Summary: You finally have a chance to close the Gates of Hell, forever, but everything comes with a cost, the question is, are you willing to pay for it?

Warnings: ANGST, love confessions, sad sammy, kisses, reader sees bobby as a father figure, reader is shorter than Sam, NOT PROOF-READ, english is not my first language

WC: 3.7k

You can learn how to change Y/N for your actual name here

enjoy!

As you lie there, soaked in hellhound's blood, panting after a fight against the creature, the glasses you wore to be able to see it dirty and obstructing your view, Sam and Dean stare at you, frozen and horrified.

You knew they would try and talk you out of doing the trials, especially after Dean's words to both you and Sam before he went on to almost get killed by the hellhound. Of course you two had followed him, even if Dean explicitly said not to, and you ended up under the dog, his disgusting breath fanning on your face as he barked above you, trying to rip your neck off. You knifed it and it quite literally exploded over you, bathing you in his gooey substance.

Now, all of you were in a room, Dean pacing back and forth while Sam just stood with his head down. You had your arms crossed, your eyes accompanied Dean's movements. He was restless, probably angry and desperately trying to find a way to counter this.

“We can find another hellhound,” He argues “I kill it then it's all solved”

“Dean, Crowley will be even more on our asses over this, he will not let his dogs out of the leash” You say, calmly, trying to counter Dean's protectiveness in the lightest way possible. “I can do them”

After you said that Dean stopped pacing around and both him and Sam looked up at you, eyebrows furrowed, almost as if you had just admitted to an unforgivable crime. The crime in the case was wanting to protect the brothers from these crazy trials. You knew how death followed them around like a plague and you couldn't handle losing them.

“No, Y/N, you're not doing these trials” Sam speaks up, a tinge of anger in his tone. Anger, worry. He looked at you, his hair casting a shadow over his face because of the poor lightning in the environment. “You could die”

“Well, too bad Sam” You said and the boys shared that look, a silent conversation between both of them, something that pissed you off in these moments because you had the right to know what they were plotting. “Look, I know you two feel like you have some responsibility over me, this…instinct to protect me ever since Bobby…” You trailed off, the memory of the man you considered to be your father still too heavy on you. Sam frowned and Dean changed his position, on edge. You cleared your throat, the sudden lump bothering you. “But I can protect myself, I can fight my own battles and, honestly? If we do close the gates of hell for good, which battles will be there to fight?” You say with a faint smile.

You look between both of them. They seemed deep in thought. Too deep and that worried you. You slowly walked towards Sam and when he took notice he stiffened up, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed harshly, his eyes taking in your rather dirty appearance. But still beautiful, he mentally stated.

Sam always thought you were the most incredible woman he ever met, invincible even, nothing could ever put you down and you could make everything work your way with your amazing mind and skills. And, obviously, your killer looks always managed to stun him every time, everywhere.

He was used to seeing you in any type of clothing, from suits and dresses to sweats and shirts with corny sayings written in the front, which you argued were comfortable. And you always looked absolutely gorgeous wearing anything. Sam used to think he just admired you, the looks from afar were just friendly appreciation, his yearn to be around you was just a protective instinct, the goosebumps on his skin when you’d touch him were just a natural reaction…

Until it wasn’t just. It was. And that was horrifying.

And it got worse when both you and him spent the last year alone looking for Dean and Cas. Spending so much time beside you made Sam realize what he truly felt towards you and he was scared. Scared to say anything and scared to lose you. So, when you killed that hellhound, his heart fell to his stomach because he knew you would want to do the trials. 

And when you stretched your hand to him, looking directly in his eyes, that determined gaze of yours slicing through his soul, he knew you would do anything to go along with this.

“Sam, give me the spell” You said firmly, not a request, a demand. He swallowed again, still speechless, still frozen, his fist tightening around the small paper which contained the words in enochian you were supposed to recite for the trials to start. You emphasize your demand by widening your eyes angrily and doing ‘come here’ motions with your stretched hand. “Sam”

“Y/N-”

“Dean.” You interrupt, anger seeping into your tone, making Dean shut his mouth into a thin line and a huff of air come out of his nose, just like a child would do when it was refused candy before dinner. He thought he’d seen you like this before, determined, practically unstoppable but boy was he wrong. You were more than insistent and that rang an alarm in Dean’s head. You knew that the one responsible for the trials could die and you were willingly going with it.

“Dean, can you give us a moment” Sam speaks up again and you quirk an eyebrow at him, looking between him and his brother. Sam looks at Dean, his pleading eyes and subtle nod giving enough information for Dean to get the message across. If there is one thing that can make you understand is honesty.

Dean slowly walks out of the room, giving you one last look that said clearly that you needed to listen with an open heart and mind to anything Sam would say. When he closed the door behind him, Sam’s eyes were already on you, trained on your features and you shifted your weight on your feet, his stare intimidating.

“So?” You said, trying to keep your ground. Sam sighed and lowered his head, considering all his options in the situation, he could tell you everything and be either rejected or accepted, he could lie to you, give you the wrong spell and work his way out like he always did and still keep you safe. Honesty. The word echoed in his mind like a chant.

He pushed himself off the table he was leaning on, crossing with you and going towards the bed to sit down. Your whole body accompanied his movements, his long strides making the distance between the table and the bed shorter than it actually was.

Once sat he looked at you and then at the spot beside him on the bed, silently asking you to sit with him and you caved, obliging to him. Your feet were light on the floor, quiet, accustomed to being silent while being a hunter, as you walked to the bed. The hardness of the cushion was not too much of a bother but still kept you grounded. Don’t let your guard down.

After making yourself as comfortable as possible, sitting criss-crossed, you turned towards Sam who was with both his feet on the floor, staring at his hands drying his sweat on his jeans. You waited for him to travel inside his own mind, finding the words, the phrases, the honesty. 

Honesty. Honesty. Honesty.

You swam in your own thoughts, especially those in which Sam was included. And those were the few thousands of reasons you wanted to be the one doing the trials, not him, not Dean. In your time alone, Sam had opened up to you about his want to live a normal life, away from apocalypses, monsters, gods…White picket fence, the whole nine. Dean had wanted that too, hell maybe he wouldn’t let go completely of the hunting but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with demons on his ass, never ever again. You didn’t see yourself getting out.

You grew up in this, much like the boys, but to you was different. You liked it. The adrenaline was like a drug pumping through your veins everytime you killed an abomination and, honestly, family wasn’t your strongest trait. All those whom you considered family were cremated – just because…we don’t usually bury hunters, so you can’t say they are six-feet under. Your love life was most definitely inexistent, you didn’t have time for falling in love with anyone.

Until. You did.

Until you fell. And hard. Face first in a bag of nails because you knew it would be trouble falling in love with Sam Winchester. You were both unlucky when it came to that feeling, always losing, always sacrificing, always in a battle. But how could you not? He was a gentleman in full, kind, sweet, caring and at the same time deadly – no pun intended. He would protect those he cared for with his life, his sense of protection his greatest quality. He was so selfless sometimes it made you mad. You had told him once ‘Be selfish, just this one time!’ and even so he couldn’t. It wasn’t his nature.

Sam wanted out of this and you wouldn’t let him abandon that dream because of you. You weren’t worth his life, you told him once after following a lead on how to open the doors to Purgatory and pull Cas and Dean out that almost got both of you killed. You were crying as you drove him to the hospital, the blood on your hands staining the steering wheel.

He was pale, his hand weekly pressing over the wound on his stomach, his breathing shallow. When you told him that, he trained his tired eyes on your face and in a rough and tired voice told you to shut up. Shut it, jerk. And fainted.

At the hospital you stayed hours by his bed every day. The doctors had told you he would be okay, that thankfully no vital organs were damaged and when he woke up you hugged him tightly, your arms wrapping around his neck desperately trying to make sure he wasn’t going anywhere. His hands soothed you, rubbing your back up and down. You won’t get rid of me that easily, he had said and you laughed.

Ever since then you swore to yourself that you would guarantee that Sam wouldn’t put himself in danger for you anymore and you were not breaking that promise.

“Do you remember the night we met?” Sam spoke and you turned your eyes to his face, his hair shining against the yellow light and worry lines between his eyebrows.

“John had left you at Bobby’s and when I came back from school you scared the shit out of me. I had my gun in hand and everything until Bobby popped up, desperately trying to explain” You said, smiling at the memory. You were all so young back then, Sam was still shorter than you – which didn’t last long – and you had lost your parents a few months back.

“Ever since that night I knew you would be…something in the long run” You gave him a puzzled look and he laughed lightly at your face, his dimples appearing on his cheeks. “I knew you would turn out to be strong, brave and I knew you would end up being one of the most important people to me”

You smiled stupidly at that, your face heating up. You didn’t know what to say to him, your eyes drifting to your fingers over your lap because you couldn't keep his strong gaze. Sam sighed and considered his options, he could either hide his feelings for longer or be honest. Honesty, honesty. The word echoed through his mind like a mantra.

Sam reached his hand to wrap over one of yours, making your eyes shift from your hands to his face again. Physical touch wasn't uncommon between the both of you. Sleeping in the same bed when motels were full, sleeping on each other's shoulders, – more you than Sam given the height difference – hugs, cheek kisses, cuddling while watching movies. But something about this hand hold felt more intimate, like a wave of emotions were being poured over you like cold water. Sam squeezed your hand.

“I can't lose you” Sam said, his voice low because he knew that if he spoke any louder he could break.

“Sam–”

“Y/N. Please.” He begs, even if he doesn't know what he's begging for. Please, let me talk. Please, don't do the trials. Please, love me like I love you. “I can't lose you”

He repeats and you feel like you just got punched in the guts or like a knife went through your chest. He sounded so raw. Those four words meaning more than any poetry you've ever laid eyes upon. You squeeze his hand to ground yourself.

“Can't or won't?” You ask, voice weak.

“Both” He answers. “Both because I won't let you do this and can't because if I lose you I won't know how to keep going.”

You shake your head no, closing your eyes for a brief moment, your memories together flooding in again. His smile tattooed in your brain, his laugh playing over and over like a broken vinyl. You needed to do this.

“If I do this then that means you can finally have a life, a wife, kids…I can't let you lose this.” You say, tears welling up in your eyes. “And I need to do this for you, for Dean, for Charlie…Losing me is just a consequence for the greater good”

Now it's Sam who shakes his head, low breathy no's coming out of his mouth. He looks up at you, eyes watery and those stupid puppy dog eyes staring right into your soul, crushing your heart to pieces.

“You don't get it” He says “When I look into the future I can't imagine–” He takes a breath, considering whether to tell you or not. Fuck it. “I can't imagine it without you. The house, the kids running around, the dog…they're ours.” He stops for a moment, waiting to see if you caught what he meant but you just looked at him, wide beautiful eyes full of confusion.

“Sam what are you–”

“And you're the wife. My wife.” He says and he can see the realization come into your face, slowly. The way your jaw drops slightly, your shoulders tense and your hand squeezes his even harder. Sam swallows but now he can't back away. “So I can't let you do this because if you do it and die I won't be able to keep going because I love you, Y/N. I love you and even if you don't reciprocate I won't stop loving you. You're the first thing I think when I wake up and the last thing I think about once I fall asleep.” He keeps going, almost out of breath once he finishes, avoiding your eyes, avoiding rejection. “So, please, don't”

Don't do this, don't reject me, don't run.

“Sam, look at me” You say, one hand slowly grasping his cheek, your thumb drying a tear that he didn't know had fallen. Once he looked at you he saw you smiling. Smiling with teary eyes. “I love you, too”

You practically whispered and a feeling rushed into Sam's body. Like someone had shot him up with adrenaline and suddenly he was aware of everything around him, your warm hand on his cheek, your hand under his, the white noise of the animals outside. And his own heartbeat.

He closed the distance between the both of you, his lips finally touching yours in desperation. Pure and raw desperation. His hand went up your arm to your neck, gently pulling you more into him and yours slipped to tangle into his hair, running the soft locks through your fingers.

The kiss felt electric and it burned. Burned you from the inside out with the wave of a thousand emotions. Your head went back to those moments with Sam. Your mind was just completely him.

And it was the same for the Winchester.

He already had thoughts consisting mostly of you but now he felt in heaven, like in finally connected with whom he mostly desired, both physically and emotionally. His other hand slipped around your waist to pull yourself over him as he laid down on the bed.

You followed and slightly smiled into the kiss. Until you grounded yourself. Sam wouldn't let you do the trials, not now that you had confessed, not now that he knew you loved him too. So you had to take matters into your own hands.

As Sam laid you over him, you straddled his hips, the kiss continuing into an unexplained hunger and lust for each other. You sensually dragged your hand down his chest, earning a soft gasp out of him, both his hands tangling in your hair, messing up your curls.

Your hand that slid down his body discreetly went into his pocket, feeling for the paper with the spell written on it. You mentally apologized over and over to Sam, your mouth opening to let his tongue in to explore it, butterflies flying around in your stomach. He was gentle, caring but yet hungry and you could feel it.

I'm sorry. 

You pulled away breathless, the paper clutched in your hand and Sam looked at you through hooded eyes, his chest heaving with his heavy breaths and a confused frown on his face.

“I'm sorry Sammy” You said as you got off the bed and started to quickly pronounce the words in enochian, your hands trembling around the paper. Sam widened his eyes once he realized what you'd done, patting his pocket in reflex, knowing you had taken it out of there, and stubbled off the bed.

“Y/N, no, please!” He yelled but it was too late. Once you said the last word an almost unbearable pain cursed through your whole body, knocking you to your knees, a loud groan of pain leaving your throat.

Sam kneeled beside you with a hand on your back, mumbling curses and apologies to you but you couldn't hear him, the pain so strong it made your ears ring. You felt a burn, like you had injected lava into your veins, opening your eyes to see your arms shining. Everything was spinning and the only thing guaranteeing you that you were still alive was Sam's warm touch over your back.

After seconds of excruciating pain you felt it going down and saw your arms returning to their normal tone. You collapsed into Sam's arms and he made sure to hold you tightly, still mumbling apologies with his eyes glossy with tears.

“Why did you do this?” He repeated, over and over. He didn't know if he wanted to kill you or hug you so he decided for the latter. He hugged your frame, pressing your head against his chest with a trembling hand and giving light kisses over it.

His other hand pressed your back against him, making your whole body stay in contact with his. His knees hurt on the hard ground but nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart. He felt helpless.

You opened your eyes to look up at him, a faint smile on your face. You lifted a hand up to his cheek and took a very good look at the handsome man you loved. He was crying but he always looked beautiful, no matter how.

At your touch he closed his eyes, guilt spreading through his body. He touched his forehead to yours, making you close your eyes until you spoke up.

“I did this because I love you” You said and he opened his mouth to protest. You gave him a look, saying you weren’t done. “I love you too much to see you die and I know you can keep going if I die, you are one of the strongest men I know. You’re smart, you’re brave and you went through so much that I can’t let you give it up because of me. And you know I would never, ever, let you take responsibility over this and I don’t want you to blame yourself, this was my choice”

“I can’t– I’m sorry, Y/N, I’m so sorry I got you into this, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you–” You stopped him with a kiss and he sighed sadly, his hands wrapping around you tighter as if you would disappear at any second. You felt horrible but at the same time relieved. Relieved that if anything happened, Sam would live.

“Don’t say that” You whisper against his lips. “Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault. This is on me.” You say as you pull slowly away to look into his eyes, the mix of colors hypnotizing you. You felt like you could see every ounce of his soul through those eyes and it was filled with sadness.

Sam was angry, not at you, at himself. The moment he saw the hellhound die above you, bathing you in its blood he knew it was over, that you wouldn’t back away but still he blamed himself. If I were quicker. If I were smarter. The words ran around in his brain. When he looked at you he saw yet another one of those he loved dead. Another corpse that hung over his shoulder.

“We can do this, I can do this. I’m strong enough” You said. Sam knew you were strong but this was beyond you. This was God and Demons and Heaven and Hell. This was biblical and nothing like the things you faced before. He was scared.

“I know you are but what if I’m not?” He asks and you wait for him to continue. “What if I’m not strong enough to let you go if it comes to it?”

“You’ll have to be. If not for yourself, for me. Keep going for me” You reply with a soft look and a slight smile that made Sam choke on a sob and smash his lips against yours.

This kiss was filled with different emotions. Sadness, grief and guilt were poured into it but yet so much love. So, so much.

You didn’t get a verbal answer from Sam but you got plenty of information from the kiss. I’ll try, for you.

And that was enough.

A/N: Notes and reblogs encourage me to keep writing, feedback makes those writings better. Thank you for reading, Xoxo.

[guiltysungho]

— boynextdoor if they were gonna do a public confession.

genre : tags. fluff, confessions, f2l

wordcount. 200 - 400 each

a/n. i hope y’all like this i was kicking my feet thinking about these. same vibe as the first headcanons (public) but now its inclusive not 18+ who jumped?? :D

sungho;

ᡣ𐭩ྀི you had been getting used to each other’s company, you only recently met through a friend but the feelings were undeniable.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི one of the reasons he felt so drawn to you was your similar taste in movies, every time he’d bring up a favorite you would gasp in excitement, sharing your love for the movie as well.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི you would often stay up just reminiscing of the first time you watched a comfort movie, the first time made you cry all the emotions in it, shared with your new favorite stranger.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི it was lucky that there was a outdoor movie theater open in the city, it was fate that they were showing one of your shared favorites. he had to take you there, and maybe he would let the words slip.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི watching the movie together, the sun setting in the background, he knew it was the perfect moment.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི bringing your gaze to his with a his hand on your chin, the sound of the movie playing in the background as he echoed the words to you.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “i want you. i want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.”

ᡣ𐭩ྀི the curve on your lips planted a fire in his heart, watching as you leaned closer, eyes bouncing between yours and the gap in your lips.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི one pull by the collar and his lips were all yours.

riwoo;

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he knows what this feeling is, why your proximity makes his whole body heat up but he just didn’t expect to feel this with you.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི whatever you were feeling wasn’t clear to him, you had been friends for the longest time so any display of affection could mean anything.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he could be misinterpreting your quiet sweet nothings whispered into his neck whenever you cuddled on the couch, your soft lips grazing his adam’s apple every now and then forcing him to divert his focus.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི maybe you didn’t mean anything when you’d tell him, how much you missed him in the dead of the night when you were away.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི but it was all getting to him and he was really hoping it meant something.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he knows it could wait, you were at a park under a tree just watching people pass by. you rested your head on his chest with his arm wrapped around you, he couldn’t tell if you were asleep or not but the words couldn’t wait.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “i like you here in my arms, i find myself loving you more when you’re so close” he whispers to you, you’re quiet so he continues, he could at least get it off his chest.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “i genuinely do love you, in ways i don’t even understand, more than you know.”

ᡣ𐭩ྀི when you look up, he’s obviously flustered he thought he’d been talking to himself but you heard it all. the smile on your face relieves his tension, and then you let him know your love with a delicate kiss.

jaehyun;

ᡣ𐭩ྀི you probably already knew how jaehyun felt about you, everyone did. he never really tried hiding his feelings even though he didn’t explicitly expose them.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི it was in his touch that you knew, his hands would always find their way in your hair, pushing a couple strands behind your ear when you were busy. using childish tactics just so he could hold your hand occasionally.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི and yet he never told you his true feelings, because your feelings were never truly clear but now he could tell.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he took you out to a karaoke bar, he knew what he wanted to do and how he wanted to do it. he wanted you to feel special amongst the crowd because that was what you were to him.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི after a few duets and a couple drinks, he goes up on the mini stage picking out a song, glancing up at you before starting.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “this song is called bad by wave to earth, i’m dedicating it to all the good in my life” he’s addressing the public but he’s only talking to you.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི his voice is perfect with the song, not a single crack just pure melody, beautiful harmonies for you. he bounces off the stage, singing as he makes his way over to you.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “i’m sorry i made you wait, i love you” he smiles watching you blush at his words spoken loudly in the mic.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི pulling the mic away from his lips, you whisper the words back before placing a kiss on his lips. as soon as you pull away he brings the mic back to his lips, “she loves me y’all”

taesan;

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he hates that he likes you because he doesn’t want to be one of those guys that can’t keep a female friend but the feelings are clearly there.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he doesn’t show it and doesn’t plan on telling you, he just chooses to enjoy having you as a friend, instead of self sabotaging.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི it felt impossible that you would reciprocate the feelings anyways because you had mentioned liking someone for the longest time so he was sure of his choice.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི you would go out often together to your favorite spots, sharing your interests, new or old just rediscovering yourselves through music or art.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི this time around he brought you to a different vinyl store from the one he usually went to, bigger with more variety. he’d encourage you to pick out a few records to listen to, picking a couple of his own for you to listen to.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི there were no booth just vinyl players with connected headphones, he helped you setting up the music. glancing over your shoulder to him as he grabbed the headphones, placing them on your ears letting the music play for.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི whenever you became a part of his safe space, it made him want you more like you were meant to be here with him.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he just leaned over on the side watching you enjoy the music you picked out, telling him what you thought of the songs as they played, he couldn’t help the adoring smile on his face.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “i picked out this song specifically for you, it makes me think of you” he tells you, unaware you can hear him clearly even with the music.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི Something by the Beatles, the lyrics make it clear but his words clear any doubts.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “you drive me crazy” he scoffs at himself, ruffling his bangs before turning back to a shelf. you take off the headphones and make your way over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder for him to turn to him, his brows flinch at the sight of you so close but then he smiles. you smile back as you pull him in closer towards you arms around his neck, kissing him cautiously.

leehan;

ᡣ𐭩ྀི at first he just thought he just found you pretty, you were undeniably one of the most attractive girls he’d met. physical attraction would make sense but that really wasn’t it.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི not when everything you did brought him joy, just watching you swipe through your phone aimlessly, he found himself smiling like a fool.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི you weren’t even that close but everything he learned about you made him want to know you more, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and aspirations, he wanted to be the one you shared those thoughts with.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི when you agreed to spend the day with him, he made up his mind to be honest about his heart.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he waited patiently for the right moment at the end of the day after watching a movie together, a nice walk in the cool winter breeze leading you to an ice rink.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི the smile on your face as you got on the ice together made it worth the wait, you were unsteady taking little steps while holding on to the wall.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི you’d apologize for your clumsiness after almost slipping a couple times but he was just glad to see you having fun even after losing your balance you’d laugh it off. looking at the pure bliss on your face, he only wanted it to last.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “here take my hands” stretching his hands open for you to hold, “just follow my movements, don’t pay attention to anything else. if you fall i’ll catch you trust me.”

ᡣ𐭩ྀི so you did as he said holding onto his hands, slight panic in your eyes as he started gliding backwards allowing you to move along with him, shaky eyes watching your feet “hey look up at me, you’re doing fine”

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “you’re doing so well, i’m impressed” he says looking at you with a dazed smile. it happens in a flash, his eyes widen as his body falls back pulling you along with him.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི the fall isn’t a painful one maybe since you were on him, you pull away from his chest a surprised smile on your face as you check up on him. an embarrassed laugh escapes his lips and then a pause as he realizes how close you were, his eyes are locked on your lips for a second before coming back up to your eyes.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “i want to kiss you, right here in front of everyone” his hand reaching towards your face, pushing your hair behind your ear, “tell me that’s okay”

ᡣ𐭩ྀི one silent nod from you and his lips are on yours, kissing you so gently the cold ice under your knees adding to the chills across your body.

woonhak;

ᡣ𐭩ྀི woonhak likes you, he likes your laugh, he likes your groans, he likes your burps, he likes your everything. he doesn’t really know why but you’ve been the only thing on his mind ever since he thought of you.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he’s not sure how you feel but he doesn’t really worry about it, he’s too focused on being completely enamored by you.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི your voice from across the room, discussing a random topic with your friends, makes coming to class worth the while. even if that’s the only thing he listens to.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he knows you’ll show up to his basketball game, you always do thats where he first met you. your loud cheering, tiny jumps of joy every time his team scored made him curious, it wasn’t unfamiliar to him but you were.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི and there you were once again, a cute wave to him the moment you noticed him on the court. he could get used to that, your little gestures just for him.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི the whole match he barely could keep his eyes off you with every ball bounce came a glance in your direction, whenever he’d score he’d flex his arms up at you with a big smile, proud of his achievement.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི he knew he had to make this shot in the last minutes of the match, less for the team and more for you.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “hey y/n! this last shot is for you, i’m taking you out after this” he yells as he sprints across the court dribbling the ball, dodging the opposing team before shooting the ball through the hoop with a light jump.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི as the ball passes through the match ends, he turns to you shocked by his own skills, jogging over to you before lifting you up in his arms.

ᡣ𐭩ྀི “did you love that?” he looks up at you up in his arms, you can’t help the smile growing on your lips as you look at him, “i love you” he says under his breath.

[covenantofthedeep]

i call and you come through ☆

☆ feat. | lumine, zhongli, lyney, lynette, yelan and kunikuzushi ☆ summary | they help you when you're in trouble. ☆ a/n | a lumine for lumiconic. and a country skewer too. this is so not ok. i'm so sorry if lyney/lynette/anyone is ooc!

lumine |

lumine hadn't expected to see anyone at all, much less you. you were somewhat of a subject of interest to her; she wasn't quite sure what you did, and yet she hated you, or at least she told herself she did. she had headed out with the intent of soaking up the cool air before the morning came and the sun sweltered down again, but instead she'd run into you.

she's so focused on your face, at first--the frozen expression of terror as you scrabble uselessly at the drainpipe attached to your house, the way your lips look as you whisper, "back! get back, oh my archons! get back!"--that she doesn't realize what, exactly, you're sending back, and then she looks down. she has to blink a couple of times; are you really scared of cats?

you glance up at her as she makes her way closer, flashing her a pained smile. "thank archons you're here, lumine, seriously. i really can't manage all of these things by myself." her name in your voice sends a spark through her veins, but she ignores it and rolls her eyes at you. "huh, yn, i thought you were so brave? scared off by a couple of cats, are we?" she bends over to grab one around its waist. it mews plaintively at her as she strokes its head, and your eyes flicker to her hands and make their way to her lips. "i guess you aren't so much the brave knight that you let everyone believe you are?" she glances up at you, at the scarlet blush across your cheeks, and wants to drop the cats and give you a kiss.

"i'm just- i can handle everything else, but not cats," you protest, nudging one away with your foot. she bites her tongue. it's so cute. everything about you is endearing, but she can't say it. oh, archons, what a struggle this is. "can you really handle everything else, though?" she prods at you, nudging a rather insistent gray cat away with her boot.

you look at her with furrowed brows, stepping forward as the cats in your path clear away. "lumine, do you hate me?" you ask her, so sincerely, so nonchalantly, almost as if you don't care what her answer will be either way.

she starts, then stops. she looks at your cheekbone, your right eyebrow, your lips. she glances down at your hands, at her feet, anywhere but your eyes. "yes," she says to the ground.

"huh," you respond, squinting at her. she finally drags her gaze upwards, and your eyes sparkle with amusement. "because it doesn't seem like you do. in fact, it sort of seems like the opposite." and you walk down the pathway towards the gates of mondstadt with a newly acquired pep in your step, leaving her absolutely blindsided and spluttering.

kunikuzushi |

kuni goes explicitly out of his way to avoid bumping into you, so really, he doesn't know why he stops when he sees you almost in tears at a food stall. he hovers behind you for what seems like an eternity, debating tapping you on the shoulder and asking what's wrong. he studies the back of your head and your neck, the slump of your shoulders wonders if he's acting like a creep. the vendor behind the stall has his back to the both of you, busily prepping something that smells absolutely exquisite.

you step back a bit while he's lost in his thoughts and step on his foot--and jump about a foot in the air. "oh, archons!" you exclaim, turning around. "i'm so sorry, kuni. i didn't realize you were there."

his face feels absurdly hot under your direct gaze, and he stutters out something along the lines of oh, it's okay. archons, it's like he's stupid when you're standing in front of him. why did he stop? why didn't he just keep walking? now he's going to be late, and you're still smiling at him, looking insufferably beautiful despite crying your eyes out a moment earlier.

he realizes he'd looked down at your feet, almost instinctively, and slowly drags his gaze upwards to meet your eyes. your eyes, which are perfectly ordinary, perhaps, but they send something through his veins, and they're so arresting, maybe he could drown in them? could he? your eyes, which reflect the stars, but there aren't any, because it's the middle of the day? maybe he's hallucinating, he tells himself.

you smile at him, and he's prepared to do anything you ask him to--honestly, why is he still here? you seem fine, he could probably move on, he thinks, but before he can, the vendor places something down in front of you.

"160 mora," the man tells you, and your brows draw together anxiously as you rummage through your purse. you pull out a handful of coins that jingle against each other in the palm of your hand, and the whole while, kuni watches your face. he watches the way your shoulders tense and the cords on your neck stand out as you swallow, and the way you blink rapidly but a tear slips out anyway. your eyebrows stay scrunched, and he can't resist the urge to pull out his own coin purse and wordlessly set down 160 mora.

you whip your head around to look at him, protesting wildly, but he flashes you a pained smile and tries not to look at your eyes as he steps back. "consider it my treat," he tells you, forcing the words out from his throat, wondering why you have such an impossible hold on him.

as he walks away, he replays the entire exchange in his head and vows to never stop for you again.

yelan |

yelan regrets telling you that you can call her for help whenever, because now your cat's stuck in a tree and she's standing at the base, looking up at it, feeling immensely foolish. you're looking at her, though, and whenever you do that, her heart pounds so hard she's worried it'll leap out of her chest. she's seized by the undeniable urge to leap into the tree and fish your wretched cat out, if only you'll keep looking at her like that.

"please, yelan," you beg her, your face the epitome of pleading. she stares at you for a few seconds longer; in her mind, she's tracing your eyebrows and cheekbones and also your lips, oh archons, your lips. she can feel the heat rising to her cheeks and neck, and she's positive she's red, so she clears her throat and steps towards the tree.

she doesn't do romance, she doesn't do daydreaming about you, and she certainly should not be helping you wrangle your beast of a cat out of this tree, but unfortunately, here she is. you cheer her on as she turns a deeper shade of beet red, climbing up the tree in a way that she never had imagined she would ever do; climbing as though her life depends on it.

she finally reaches a branch that she can comfortably sit on, and realizes, to her horror, that she's out of breath. she leans over and rests her forehead against her knees and wills her breath to slow down so that she doesn't seem so desperately out of shape that you regret having asked her for help. when she looks down at you, you're staring back at her with an intensity in your eyes that makes her blush. "are you okay?" you call, voice threaded with concern. "do you want me to come up there?"

does she want you to come up here indeed. archons, she would kill for you up here. unfortunately, who knows what would happen if you came up here. so she shakes her head and continues upwards, craning her neck to impossible angles to search for your fool of a feline.

zhongli |

zhongli doesn't pine after strangers (albeit a stranger with whom he's gotten rather close over the past few months) and he certainly doesn't stop to help many others. but for some reason, he's spent the evening chasing your dog around your house because you had cornered him earlier when he had been on his ritual walk. your closeness, combined with your hand on his (why did you always feel the urge to touch people in some way or another when you were talking to them?) had dried up all of the words on his tongue, but you had looked at him expectantly and he had nodded. nodded. he doesn't even like dogs.

now, he sits on the ground and tries in vain to coax the dog over (mora, its name was; what a stupid name) but it's set on ignoring him. "come here," he tries. "here! come here!" and then he realizes he's switched to the baby voice you often use on mora and has to glance over his shoulder to make sure no one's watching.

he inhales and leans back against the couch he's sitting in front of, staring at the darkening sky outside and wondering what it is you're up to. perhaps a dinner? when you'd let him in earlier, you'd been all dressed up; hair pinned up and your face bright and glowy. you'd smelled like glazelilies, and he had sputtered out agreements while trying not to look you directly in the eyes. briefly, he wonders who you would go to dinner with--and then banishes the thought from his mind.

mora ambles over to him and settles in his lap, but for once, he finds he doesn't mind. he strokes the dog's head and sighs, finally feeling at ease. "oh, aren't you a little nugget of gold? oh, yes you are. yes you are. yes you are." he's so wrapped up in the dog that he doesn't hear the door open and you come in until you're standing directly in front of him, your shoes dangling from your hand. "enjoying ourselves, are we, zhongli?"

lyney |

lyney has taken a liking to you, as much as he tries to pretend it's just platonic. he follows you around, brushing off your complaints of lyney, please! i need to work! instead choosing to focus on the fact that him being around distracts you from your work. so when he stumbles upon you in tears on the ground, of course he sits down beside you.

you scrub your face with your fists, burying your head in your knees as lyney pats your back awkwardly, unsure of what to do. "yn...?" he finally asks. "are you... are you okay?"

"yeah," you squeeze out. "yeah, i'm fine." you blink up at the sky, trying to stop the pressure of tears from making their way out. "i had been working on these documents for a week, and i tripped over the bridge." you gesture weakly in the general direction of the bridge. "and now they're all... gone. down there. in the water."

he digs around in his pocket, searching desperately for a handkerchief. he had one yesterday, when he was practicing his magic tricks... where is it? where is anything when he needs it? blowing out a frustrated breath that rustles the hair on his forehead, he hands you some fake flowers. "do you want me to go get them?"

you laugh, the sound shaky and tear-filled. "thanks, lyney." you set the flowers by your feet and lean against him. "no, no, please don't. seriously, i don't want you--"

he leaps up, his cape flying out behind him. crossing one foot behind the other, he bows, tearing off his hat. a stray dove soars free, flapping erratically. "anything for you, ma cherie," he says, flashing you a wink. he trots off towards the bridge, his heels clacking against the pavement, heart racing.

you stare after him, unable to stop the laugh from bubbling up in your chest. you wipe your eyes and make your way down after him, calling his name. "no, yn!" he shouts valiantly, looking over his shoulder. "you sit down! and rest! i'll get them for you! i'll get--" and he trips over the bridge, splashing into the water below.

you lunge for the railing, scanning the bubbles worriedly. "lyney!" you yell, debating leaping in after him. "lyney, can you hear me? lyney, if you can hear me, come back! lyney, come back!"

he pops up with a sputter, his hat sodden and filled with--are those your documents? his hair sticks to your forehead, giving him a look akin to a rat, but he flashes you a smile so brilliant it sends your heart galloping again. "for you, ma cherie! for you!"

lynette |

lynette ignores all of your attempts to woo her, despite the fact that they get her heart fluttering. you bring her romaritime flowers every tuesday, garlic baguette on thursdays. she thanks you cordially for these gifts, and then spends an hour writing thank-you letters that she never sends.

lynette tries to avoid you, even adding five minutes to her journeys across the city when she sees you. not because she hates you, but because simply being around you sends her into hysterics. (in her head.) she's flustered, she's red, and you're standing in front of her right now, offering a handful of berries. why, oh why, oh why hadn't she just cut behind the houses? now she's cornered, trying hard not to lose her composure. she closes her eyes and opens them, and you're still there, smiling at her, holding those berries.

"thanks," she mutters, reaching for them. you yank them out of reach and tsk. "you can't have them until you help me with this one thing! just this one, i promise."

she crosses her arms firmly over her chest, because oh my archons, your smile has her fully disarmed. "what is it?"

you clap, beaming. "i knew you'd say yes! i knew it!"

she interrupts you. "no, no, i haven't said yes yet. just tell me what it is."

"okay, okay! okay, you need to help me put up these posters." from seemingly nowhere, you wrench out a stack of crisp thick sheets--all with "REWARD: 5000 MORA. LOST CAT!" printed on them in big, alarming letters. she takes one, her brow furrowing.

"is your cat... lost?" she asks, glancing up at you.

you nod, sighing. "he's been gone since this morning. he's not an outdoor cat, you see. he's just so clingy, and it's not like him to be like this...." you trail off, clearing your throat. "you don't have to help me look for him, but could you please help me put up these posters?"

lynette shifts from foot to foot. she's got loads of work to do with lyney, but also... you're looking at her so plaintively, concern written so clearly in your eyes, that, she feels, to say no would be similar to murdering an animal. a baby animal.

"fine," she huffs, and you grab her hand. "thank you, lynette! thank you, thank you. i'll make it worthwhile, i promise!"

you let go and spin around, heading down the path, but she's frozen, her hand ice-cold and red-hot all at once. "lynette," you call over your shoulder. "are you coming?"

she shakes her head, trying to clear her feelings like cobwebs, and dashes after you.

four hours later, the sun's setting and everything is bathed in a golden glow, almost as though you're a statue. you're spent; exhaustion pools in dark circles under your normally-alight eyes. her legs ache and her fingers hurt from plastering posters on walls. "oh, my poor baguette," you complain, sitting down against a tree.

she can't stifle a chuckle. "you named your cat baguette?"

you look at her indignantly. "she's very long and very brown. it seemed fitting!"

this strikes lynette as the funniest thing she's ever heard, and she laughs until tears run down her face. her ribs ache and her stomach aches, but it's worth it for the look of bemused adoration on your face.

something brushes against her leg and she jumps, shrieking. your grin stretches ear-to-ear, literally, and you dive for the barrel she's sitting on. "baguette!" you yelp, cradling the cat in your arms. "oh, my gosh, baguette!"

the sun vanishes behind the clouds, and they glow from the inside. almost like you, she thinks. it's a picture-perfect scene, an indignant baguette pinned between you and her, one of your arms wrapped around her shoulders as you kiss her cheek. she never wants to leave.

[prismuffin]

A/n: Sorry this is a bit specific- I wanted to write smth for myself that I personally relate to and am dealing with. Made the reader gn so anyone at all can read this if they also relate!

Normal

Steven Grant x asexual(spectrum)!gn!reader

( summary: Steven and you had been together for a few months and he always wondered why you often pulled away from him whenever he tried to get explicitly touchy with you during intimate moments so he decides to ask ) warnings?: angst, pre-established relationship, talks of sex (no actual sex), reader is specifically portrayed to be both placiosexual (meaning they have no problem sexually pleasuring their partner but don't want their partner pleasing them) and cupiosexual ( meaning that the person often wants to experience a sexual relationship but can't for whatever reason) , reader being confronted about their sexual orientation, reader not being completely ok with their sexual orientation! !-!more under the cut!-!

You and Steven had been together for a few months now and everything had been perfect. You knew about Marc, accepted his flaws and quirks, were kind and loving, you were everything he'd needed.

Not too long ago he'd decided to ask you to get a little more intimate, it was clear that you were previously waiting on him to be ready which he appreciated. When the night finally came where you two were intimate it was a bit more one-sided than Steven had thought. It's not like he wasn't satisfied or anything, quite the opposite actually. You'd focused all your attention on him, making him feel good and completely disregarding your own satisfaction. He at first thought it was because it was your first time but now after being intimate with you for a while he realizes how uncomfortable you get with him when he tries to reciprocate any sort of intimate action towards you. Sure things like little love-bites are accepted by you but anything past that you shut down for the most part. It's gotten to a point where he wonders if its just him that you don't want to be intimate with, but the way you treat him, please him contradicts that entirely. So as you sat on the couch in your newly shared apartment he couldn't help but wanna ask.

"Y/n...?"

You hummed as you turned away from the random cooking show that played on the TV to focus on Steven. "Yeah?" You watched Stevens eyes fill with hesitancy as he looked at you. "Uhh, I just- I have a bit of a question.." He stated, speaking a bit quieter as he eyed you cautiously. You nodded, grabbing the remote and turning down the TV. This was obviously important if he's acting this nervous so you decided to give him your full attention. "What's up? Is something wrong?" You turned a bit so that you'd be facing him fully. "Not really, I've just been wondering about something for a while," He fidgeted with his hands before continuing. "I mean, we've been intimate for some time and I love it, I really do, but how come you never really let me..." He trailed off, gesturing between you and him a bit. "Let you...?" You questioned, you had a hunch where this was going but thought it'd be better if he clarified before you jumped to conclusions. "Let me touch you..." Your heart dropped a bit at the question, yup it was what you thought. You suppose that this was gonna come up sooner or later.

You usually only performed oral or manual sex on Steven, never really fully going all the way for your own comfort but you guess it can seem a bit weird after a while to perform only those things. "I...uh..." You hesitated, unsure of just how to go about answering this. You knew you were on the ace spectrum, placiosexual to be specific, but still there was something inside you yearning for a sexual relationship and though you technically have one you want to really feel it. But the thought of letting that happen sickens you. It's been an ongoing battle in your mind for years, you hope you'll eventually "grow out of it" but you haven't had many opportunities to try, anytime you do something in your mind just shuts the whole thing down. "I-I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me- it's ok you don't have to answer-" Steven stuttered out but you were quick to dismiss his worries. "It's fine, it just caught me a bit off guard ya know?" You chuckled dryly, nervously as you swallowed thickly and sighed. "It's uhhh, I'm sorry I'm just a bit...asexual..." Stevens eyes widened at the confession as he inhaled sharply. "Oh bloody hell- I didn't like make you do those things right?"

"No- Steven it's fine I was fine with all of that I swear." You smiled though your eyes held a bit of sadness to them.

"Are you sure? Don't asexuals not like to perform sexual acts like that?" He asked and you nodded. "Some don't sure, but asexuality is a spectrum Steven, I'm not completely uncomfortable with the idea of sex its just uhh it's a bit hard for me to receive any sexual favors." He nodded slowly as he took in your words, not entirely sure on how to respond. "So, how much are you comfortable with?" You hummed at the question, for some reason it made you want to cry though you bit back the thought before anything could show. "Well I'm Placiosexual, which means I'm completely fine with doing sexual acts on my partner, you." He smiled, grabbing your hand as you continued. "But when it comes to receiving those same acts from others I get a bit uncomfortable.." You looked down and he nodded, moving his head lower to catch your eye again. "What's wrong?" "It's nothing I-" "I accept you ya know? This isn't gonna change anything between us I swear." You were silent for a few seconds after that, you'd expect nothing less from Steven but that wasn't entirely the problem. "I know that." "Then what is it?" He rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb and you sighed, not being able to hold yourself back from tearing up a bit. "I just- Sometimes I really envy you." "Envy me?" "Yeah, you can just be ok with stuff that makes me extremely uncomfortable at times." You paused, trying to decide how you wanted to word this to get your point across. "I don't want to be this way all the time, I want to feel comfortable in those moments, to connect with someone like that but I just can't and I've always hated myself for it." You couldn't help the tear that escaped your eye, deciding to just let it fall. "I just wish I was...normal,"

"You are normal." Steven was quick to shut down your negative thoughts.

Looking at him directly you were shocked to see him tearing up a bit. "Steven..." "You're completely normal Y/n, nothings wrong with you, you just have a harder time getting comfortable with those things and that's ok, everyone's different love," "But I don't want to be different!" You choked out, more tears streaming down your face at the confession and he paused. Moving closer to you, he grabbed your face in his hands using his thumbs to wipe your tears as you shut your eyes. Leaning in he softly placed a kiss to your nose before sighing. "Who you are is completely okay love, and if you really want to we can try and take things slow for you alright? But you can't be mad at yourself for feeling the way you feel about something as futile as this." You sniffled, slowly opening your eyes though not looking at him directly. "What you do for me is enough already, I don't need to have sex with you to love you." That seemed to really hit you as you started crying again, moving to hug Steven. He stroked your back as you cried, whispering comforting words to calm your ragged breathing as you held back sobs. "I just don't wanna feel this way forever." You mumbled and Steven hummed, pulling back from the hug to look at you. You tried to wipe your tears but Steven had beat you to it. The small amount of affection making you smile briefly before you sighed. "Like I said before if you really want to try and change it we can take it slow," "I-I don't really know, I mean I want to try but I don't because I know I'll just feel disappointed." Steven offered you a smile as he continued to caress your face, ready to wipe away any stray tears that still fell. "Then we won't. Not unless you're 100% sure you want to try. And even if that day never comes it'll be alright." You were quiet as you took in his words.

Part of you hoped that one day randomly you'd just start to feel ok with it all but you know that's most likely never going to happen. But with Stevens words on your mind you feel a little less bad for feeling this way. Maybe you're not some weirdo after all, maybe you are just a normal person. Even if you never change the way you feel, Steven will still love you and at the end of the day isn't that all you really need?

----!----

( This was once again quite personal to me so I'm sorry that it's like so specific but I needed some comfort so I decided to make my own comfort fic LMFAO )

Thanks for reading! Have a great day/night!!

My requests are CLOSED !!

See my DIRECTORY for upcoming fics!

Masterlist

[iwanttohavesexwithvifromarcane]

im really just ranting for myself AGAIN but

...

Call me overdramatic, but is this not fucked up? Is this really romantic to yall?

like...they became romantically involved. the way the show, in s2 at least, functions, they r showing us they r romantically in involved now. keep in mind, vi was literally on the verge of crying before this cuz she really is tired of everyone in her life changing but is also sensitive to caitlyn's trauma. she also says it like shes begging caitlyn. yeah, they r both traumatized.

i was gonna use gifs instead but there is a limit with images which is ANNOYING but anyways

NOW

i cant find the fuckin post which is irritating the fuck out of me but hopefully i'll edit it in later. but it was basically an excerpt of amanda overton, the main writer n overseer of caitvi in the show, talking about what this scene meant for vi. caitlyn is trying to show vi that its ok to love/b attracted to someone, which we now know is only caitlyn llmfao but anyways. this just basically means that they r ....in fact...romantically linked n that vi views caitlyn as her lover. she loves her. caitlyn is also supposed to love her...right?

edit: found it

20 minutes later in the episode (n less than two hours later in the narrative)....

the actually scene...

um.... what the fuck is this?

the common accepted fandom interpretations of this is that a). caitlyn needed to get rid of her to go through with her revenge plot and b.) caitlyn was rightfully punishing vi for stopping caitlyn from killing a terrorist.

another thing ppl say is that...this is the hitting ppl n fighting show. there is war going on n there is violence everywhere so...who cares n vi can "take it" anyways. they just got done with a battle so...how is this any different than the noncanon yaoi killing each other or the heteros fighting when they were never romantically linked either att. yeah...no. it is different cuz they r explicitly romantic.

this is also their "break up" scene. this is not a proper way to break up with someone. even covering it up with "they were going with a 'show dont tell' approach" does nothing cuz this IS NOT A PROPER WAY TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE! it is not a 'more impactful' way to show a break up. fuck off with this bullshit.

this is abusive

do u wanna know what one of their first interactions were after their 'reunion'???

well...vi... after being locked in a prison cell by jinx n having a panic attack n doing her form of self harm, which is punching the wall until she bleeds...

says this....to caitlyn

....

yeah...it is also a common accepted interpretation n borderline canon explanation that this was a call back to that hit scene too...

caitlyn hitting vi is abusive. so...this is vi literally victim blaming herself. n she is doing this to caitlyn too. n ya wanna know what the narrative does? it doesnt clear up that vi didnt deserve to b hit by her lover...no no...it told us that, thankfully, caitlyn has learned to let vi do whatever she wants so who cares if vi goes behind caitlyn's back this time. ya know...cuz not wanting to blow the head off a random child when jinx had surrendered is 'going behind caitlyn's back' n it was enough of a valid reason for caitlyn to hit her as punishment. vi being worried about her sister being locked up n depressed is her once again going behind caitlyn's back which is wrong. but luckily...caitlyn doesnt care anymore. the first time...vi n caitlyn r not just partners...they r lovers...

it doesnt matter if u have media literacy...vi herself thinks she deserved to be hit but her lover...

with this context, her depression/passive suicide montage of her hallucinating caitlyn just makes me so sad. it doesnt make me go "oh wow...this is sooooo romantic hehe."

oh...n instead of using this time to further vi's rarely discussed trauma, it turns into a sex scene that focuses on caitlyn's pleasure. ok then...n it happens in the same prison cell...cuz this is vi "healing from her trauma"...ya know...the trauma they never took seriously the entire show.

like.....

[valyrfia]

RE: this ask

Sorry about to go off on one, gender studies and online fan culture from an academic standpoint is a special interest of mine because being film and literature student wasn't annoying enough (participatory culture studies my beloved) 

From a general standpoint, I think the reason M/M ships in fiction have always been more popular is because male characters are historically more developed and complex. I think it’s only in recent years have their been an influx of popular F/F ships, with the added development of women on screen (e.g Clarke and Lexa, Kara and Lena, Regina and Emma, Nancy and Robin) - I think there is also a point to be made this has coincided with gender expression, genderqueerness and more general knowledge of being outside the typical gender spectrum. 

I can’t explicitly say that being in M/M fandom spaces encouraged my personal discovery of being transmasc but it certainly helped to have an avenue where I could project onto these “male” characters and see myself in them. I was so uncomfortable in my own body and what I didn’t know at the time as dysphoria, I can see why I didn’t go for F/F ships. 

There are of course a lot of “fandom elders” but young (early to late teens) afab people do make up a large bulk of it and I get why  it may be easier for them to fixate on M/M ships as a, sort of method of exploring their own sexuality and gender expression. F/F ships may hit too close to home and F/M ships are what they are trying to escape from so it leaves M/M ships to project onto. Which, unfortunately then can become warped by the persons own comphet and/or binary ideas about gender. 

A male character may have more stereotypically “feminine” traits (in terms of interests or emotional reactions) and I can see why people who also have those traits would project there own insecurities onto them, reinforcing the feminisation of the male character but not being comfortable enough in your own gender expression to genderbend the character or write them as trans. 

It’s the same reason I think mafia romance, dark romance etc etc is so popular with cishet women because they can read about a fantasy where instead of the very real every day misogyny and violence they face leading to abuse, assault and death, it brings “positives” ; protected, loved, a happy relationship. 

Which, side note. I think this has A Lot to do with y/n, self insert fics becoming “cringe”. Because, I think a lot of people just want to fuck/date a character and feel like they can’t write a self insert anymore, so just project massively onto one character, leading to a lot of these issues. I don’t think Tony Stark/Peter Parker would be as popular as it is if people just let young women write their self insert fic about being Tony Stark’s sugar baby and then we wouldn’t have the wildly mischaracterised version of Peter Parker that we do! 

But, all this being said. I’m talking about fiction. Dean Winchester isn’t actually affected if people online only talk about him in a stereotypically “female” way. 

RPF is a different kettle of fish (and I’m not going in RPF ethics that’s different - I have no issues with rpf creators/consumers to be clear, I am one) because a real person does become affected. Even if you are keeping your fan works and discussions to private spaces, it can leach over into how you speak about the actual person. That’s where it becomes so incredibly important to remember that your RPF version of celebrities are just as fictional as Dean Winchester is. 

sorry I used mr. supernatural as an example, 13 year old me is still alive and kicking in my head somewhere. 

I love to hear your perspective on it with a trans worldview (and academic credentials), and I do agree that that might be a big driver of some young people only wanting to engage with MLM fic and feeling uncomfortable with WLW fic. You've brought up so many great points so I'll try and address them all.

I can add the perspective of a lesbian who was closeted for the first two decades of my life, came out less than five years ago, and still struggles on and off with comphet now. MLM fics in my teens were a way to consume queer content and relationships without having to think about the implications of enjoying consuming WLW content, and I think that's true for a lot of young closeted teens so it's no surprise that some comphet/hetnorm/cisnorm stuff bleeds through there because it's a framework the authors haven't managed to detach themselves from yet.

But yeah, I agree the issue lies with people wanting characters to be self-inserts partially so that they can experience sex, sexuality, and romance without any of the hang ups of thinking about patriarchy. And I agree with your solution: make y/n fics cool again! The ability we have to hallucinate while we read is magic! You can put YOURSELF in as a character's love interest, how cool is that?

Ultimately, yeah. There's nothing wrong with RPF as long as it isn't actually affecting the person that the RPF is based off, but I've seen a lot of takes escaping containment so to say (ie. leaving this website) with takes about the actual racers so obviously picked up through RPF. The main culprits are Charles, Lando, Max in my experience.

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

Open and Waiting (Chapter 3)

Summary: Tech is an Intelligent Dom in more ways than one, Hunter decides he’s had enough casual voyeurism for one day, and you continue to be a good little cockwarmer while remembering that time Crosshair spanked you.  

Relationship: Tech x f!reader, a little bit of Hunter x f!reader, mentions of Crosshair x f!reader, Echo x f!reader and Wrecker x f!reader

Warnings: NSFW, cock warming, voyeurism, domination, submission, Dominant Tech, submissive reader, restraints, collar, wrist cuffs, sexual inexperience, inexperienced reader, naked reader, voyeurism, poor self-worth, spiralling thoughts, feelings, smut with feelings, polyamory, little bit of verbal degradation, praise kink, pretend sci-fi technology/science, pretend Star Wars planets and locations, not beta read, no use of y/n. Mentions of: Oral training, dildos, soft domination, finger sucking, fingers in mouth, spanking, impact play, humiliation, degradation, boot licking, penetration, after care, bruises, vaginal fingering, bacta as lube, video recording of sexual acts.   

Word Count: 1714 (Chapter 3)

Author’s Notes: Please read the warnings! And please let me know if you enjoyed it. Behold, more filth. 

I also wanted to make it clear that everything depicted in this fic is consensual and has been enthusiastically consented to by everyone involved. A lot of what is in this fic could be seen as quite intense, depending on your levels or limits *looks at the giant wall of warnings*. Please know that everyone involved is actively participating in safe kink practices and many open, honest and clear conversations are had between everyone, even if it is not explicitly described in the fic. If it helps, I have a background context detail for this AU that Tech maintains an up to date list of everyone's hard limits, interests and requests, and makes sure everyone's kink contracts are revisited every month and updated if required. None of the Batch tease him for it because they all take safe kink practices very seriously. I hope this comes across in the writing, both in previous and future chapters, but I also wanted to be clear about it here as well.  

Chapters: One, Two, Four, Five, Six | Ao3  

Open and Waiting (Chapter 3)

A hand immediately descends on my head, preventing any hint of movement and halting any further thoughts of trying to take more of Tech’s cock deeper into my mouth. There’s a weight to his hand, a solid presence and a warning. He knew exactly what I’d been trying to do. Sir had been unequivocally clear that I was not allowed to move and I’d just skirted very close to breaking that rule. 

Oh kark, I’ve displeased him. I can’t bear disappointing him and the punishment that follows is always Tech’s own special combination of humiliation, control and mental domination. He knows exactly how to slowly and painstakingly unravel me, all while ensuring that I’m the one begging for my descent into delirium. It always leaves me ruinously shattered and I really just wanted to be a good girl and warm his cock for him. I was doing so well. Why do I always try to bite off more than I can chew? Both metaphorically and literally, in this case. Though I am absolutely not moving anything now, especially not my jaw or mouth. Why did I have to try and push it further and do more? Tech explicitly told me not to move. I’m already pleasing him, why did I have to try and go further? It’s not like I—

Tech’s precise voice cuts through my spiralling thoughts. 

“Our submissive has been doing exceptionally well with their oral training and has been diligent and dedicated in their practice. She has shown consistent and admirable improvement in the length and depth that she is able to be orally penetrated. I am quite pleased with her progress and have no doubt she will turn into an excellent cock slut in time and with continued guidance."

The praise hits me deep in the chest, flaring out to run down my arms and I can’t stop myself from preening at his words. Tech knew. Of course he knew. He’s far too intelligent not to notice when my brain starts running away from me. 

“Hmmm, she’s pretty good already.” Hunter adds. “And watching her suck away at those training dildos that can be mounted to the walls is always a good watch.”

“Yes. Those were an excellent invention of mine.” Tech confidently replies.

“Do you think you’d be able to install a hidden or quick release one on the side of a chair in the cockpit?” asks Hunter. “I prefer to keep her at my knee and it’s easier to control her movement when she’s close by.”

Another shiver runs over my naked skin at the thought. I do enjoy serving at Hunter’s knee. It’s a remarkably peaceful and calming experience. One that has nearly caused me to fall asleep on more than a few occasions. We usually do it when he takes watch. Sitting at his feet, my body leaning against his leg and my head resting against the side of his knee, the blue lights of hyperspace dancing behind my eyelids. Hunter usually keeps me in place with a single hand on my head or wrapped around the nape of my neck. Sometimes I’ll end up sucking on his fingers. Other times he’ll gently run the pad of his thumb or fingers up and down my tongue and I end up drooling on his armour or the floor. I often worry about making a mess but he always reassures me that it doesn’t bother him at all. If anything, it’s actually a good thing. Apparently, all the sensations help to ground him. Having one particular impression to focus on helps to reduce the rest of his senses to background noise. If that’s what it takes to lessen the constant barrage of feedback on his enhanced senses and afford him a moment of relative peace then I will happily have my tongue used as a resting pad for his thumb or fingers. 

Just like it’s currently being used as a resting place for Tech’s cock.

The owner of said cock provides a clipped response to Hunter’s question. 

“Of course I can. I already have plans for such a modification. Would you prefer the pilot’s or co-pilot's chair?”

“Pilot’s.” answers Hunter. “It’s your invention. Besides, Echo might be a bit peeved if he walks into the cockpit one day to find a dildo attached to the armrest of his chair.”

“An amusing discovery, I’m sure.” Tech replies, his dry wit in full force. 

The conversation continues on above me, both of them completely ignoring my bound and open position on the floor. It’s like I’m not even here. They could be having the same conversation over caf or while Tech is torso deep in the guts of the Marauder fixing the latest thing to go wrong with the ship. His legs always end up splayed wide apart when he’s working like that. If I wasn’t so desperate to please and had just a little bit of brat in me, I’d probably eventually snap and go down on him then and there. 

“Nah it’s a fair way off. The towns here are fairly isolated and spread out.”

Hunter’s smokey voice interrupts my rapidly degenerating fantasies about blowing Tech in all sorts of compromising positions. I guess they’ve moved on from talking about me like I’m not even there, despite the fact that I’m right here on my knees under the workbench.

“The others are going to be on their supply run for a while.” Hunter adds.

“Yes. I estimate that they will be away for another 3 hours and 16 minutes.” Tech responds.

“Do you need anything from me before I go back to arguing with this schematic of that Seppie base?” asks Hunter.

“Some peace and quiet would be appreciated. Unless you wish to watch?” Tech’s suggestion hanging in the air.

“Nah, she’s all yours. I’ve got my own ideas for when I get her next. Besides, her arousal’s so strong I can basically taste it.” Hunter comments.

The verbal debasement makes my pussy drip and my mouth somehow even wetter.

“Do not let me keep you from your work.” Tech replies, a clear dismissal and indication that this conversation is over.  

Hunter just snorts in response and turns on his heel before heading back to the bow of the ship. The cockpit door closes and then it’s just Tech and I again in the still silence. The only interruption is the movement and scraping of tools above me as Tech dedicates his full focus to the project in front of him.

Well, maybe not his full, complete focus. 

Tech’s other leg has started bouncing. I can feel the small movements through his thigh where my cheek is currently resting. He always does this when there’s something competing for the attention of his prodigious intellect. The warm, wet presence of my mouth wrapping around his cock must be doing a fairly decent job of distracting him. I wonder how much longer this is going to last? Probably not 3 hours and 16 minutes, unless Tech feels like adding more voyeurism to today's antics. Crosshair always enjoys getting a good eyeful when he can. An amusing attribute for someone who can be a tad possessive when he gets me to himself. I would rib him about it but teasing Crosshair is like playing with fire while doused in petrol and carrying lit matches. That man knows exactly how to cause and wield pain. His sadistic streak is as glaringly obvious as his facial tattoo. Our sessions together are often fairly intense and are a clear reminder of his predilection towards inflicting pain and the satisfaction he gains from watching me disintegrate under his hands. I’d rather not give him even more ammunition, especially after overhearing a brief snippet of a conversation he had with Tech about an idea for an implement that involved spikes.

A shudder runs through me at the thought and I can almost feel the phantom stings across my hide from when our sniper flayed my ass last time. It had been a phenomenal experience, pain and pleasure intertwining into a heady mix of sensation that was impossible to discern where one finished and the other began. Hunter and Echo had watched as Crosshair completely broke me apart, fierce slaps followed by biting strokes of his cane striking again and again over my ass. There is nothing quite so exquisitely humiliating as being reduced to a sobbing and quaking puddle on the floor and then being forced to lick the boot of your current dominant. Of course, he had to take it up a notch by pulling my head up by my hair so I was forced to look straight at the leadership team of my own squad as they observed my pathetic attempts at following Crosshair’s commands. 

It’s a little hard to clean leather with your tongue when you keep crying on it. 

By the time Crosshair was fucking me into the floor, I don’t think I was cogent or present enough to do anything other than lie there and just take it. I hadn’t been quite so physically, mentally and emotionally broken by a scene like that for a while. Thank the Maker they all know exactly what they’re doing when it comes to after care. It had taken me a long time to come back to the world after that, those long limbs wrapped around me like a shield, quiet affirmations murmured in my ear. For someone so outwardly caustic, Crosshair can be remarkably soft when he is so inclined. The bruises he left were an astounding array of blues, purples and blacks. I could barely move properly afterwards and sitting was an exceptionally slow and ginger process. A later application of bacta gel helped but that had quickly devolved into being fingered with bacta gel while bent over the medbay bed. Tech had made some comment about this not being it’s intended use when he walked in halfway through but by that stage Crosshair had two long fingers deep inside me and was running rings around my clit and I did not care. At least it gave Tech another recording of me climaxing to add to his collection. Apparently, I am a “most cooperative subject”. 

Crosshair had actually laughed at that. 

–––  

Author’s Note: Please let me know if you enjoyed it! 

I’ve realised that I appear to be writing this mainly in first person from the perspective of the reader, and in present tense, apart from the memories sections (not sure they really count as proper flashbacks). I know the summaries make use of ‘you’ and so appears to be in second person but I think the majority of this is in first person, or at least I’m trying to keep it as consistent as possible. It’s probably all over the shop though so the ‘not beta read’ warning definitely applies here. 

Reader is not named and is referred to as she/they, you/you’re (when spoken to), submissive or their (the Batch’s) submissive, various derogatory terms (slut, whore etc.), and other more general affectionate terms (darling, dear etc.) and Mando’a endearments (mesh’la, cyar'ika etc.). The latter of these mainly appear in the aftercare scene, which is still so far away at this point. Why have I done this to myself? Write fanfic, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. *sobs* The reader is referred to in a generally objectifying manner, like something that the Batch owns without being explicitly possessive about it, and there is absolutely no use of y/n (guess which fanfic writing trope I can’t stand).   

Tech finally starts to play with you in Chapter 4 and the filthiness factor ratchets up again (somehow). 

Taglist: @queenariesofnarnia @skywlker-sluvtt @techs-assistant @dangraccoon @iamburdened @pheesupremacy @blondie-bluue @motte-the-goblin

[jungwoosshoes]

Seven Of Spades -- Part IV -- Diamonds

Part 1 ----> Part 2 (Hearts) ----> Part 3 (Clubs) ----> Part 4 (Diamonds)

NCT x Reader Cardverse AU!

Pairing: Nakamoto Yuta, Johnny Suh, Lee Jeno, Xiao Dejun, Kim Jungwoo, Park Jisung, Qian Kun, Lee Ten, and Zhong Chenle x reader ; friend! Yushi x bestie! reader

Warnings: Not many--reader is a witch and kinda poor, there's some political conflict, mentions of sick people

Note: I refuse to use Y/N, so watch me struggle to write around it! <3

Word Count: 4.5k

Diamonds

The night grew dark, and Cassie and I wandered still. In this different wood, I began to miss my home. The safety, the comfort, and Yushi I had taken for granted, and I regretted it. I wasn’t sure when or if I would make it back there, but I vowed to myself that as soon as I did, I would thank Yushi for being such a good friend to me over these years. He had never betrayed me. I decided–strangers are not to be trusted. Or even spoken to. Wherever this path took me, I would keep my head down until I heard the roar of the ocean and stood firm on the wooden steps of my home. 

The woods here were thick, and we traveled hours before we started to see buildings peek through the tree gaps. Under the light of the moon, a city rose up before us, gleaming and grand and like nothing I had ever seen before. I know I’ve probably said that a few times during this journey, but this city was truly astounding. It was big–the night made it so that the streets were all empty, and I could only guess at how many people could fit in them. The moonlight bathed it in a heavenly glow, but even through that it looked as though the city was dipped or painted in gold. I had only heard about this place in stories shared by travelers stopping to buy some vegetables from Yushi or herbs from me; Diamonds was a city of legend, but here I was aweing at every detail of its refinement. 

Cassie and I rode through complicated paths, still trying to evade the royals by twisting and turning around every corner. I hoped and prayed that perhaps they had given up–let the criminal peasant girl run free in favor of focusing on bigger, more important tasks–but we could never be too careful, and lady luck didn’t seem to be explicitly in my favor. I allowed myself to become completely lost, following not a straight road but gravitating towards whatever caught my attention. I gazed upon statues and fountains, apartments and large stately homes. Smooth cobblestone roads took me past bakeries and dress shoppes–I remember thinking about Sakuya, and how much he would’ve loved it there. I tried searching for an inconspicuous inn or hotel, but alas was met with closed doors or drawn blinds. 

I was surprised that such a prosperous city would waste precious time being completely closed down, but it made some sense. If people spent all their time polishing their roofs and cleaning their sidewalks, they would all be exhausted by the moment the sun set. So, I kept walking. As I stated to reach what I assumed to be the outer reaches of the city, the streetlights grew dimmer and less frequent. The moon could no longer show me a clear path, and I decided that I had better find a safe place to at least sit and let Cassie get off her hooves for a while. 

Just as I debated turning back into the city in search of a bench on the side of the street, a beautiful garden seemed to appear right before me. Velvety white roses sat neatly in trimmed bushels accented by Magnolia and Dogwood trees that seemed trained to reach their branches to the exact positions to frame the horizon. I figured it must be a park, and wandered around until I happened upon a white cushioned bench, placed thoughtfully beside a small pond with blooming lilies littered about. Cassie showed no signs of protest to this place, and that was good enough for me. The last thing I remember thinking about that night was Lee–or Jeno, and how angry I was that he had lied to me, and how angry I was at myself for falling for it. 

…

I awoke to the sounds of birds married sweetly with those of street vendors and shoppers, though slightly distant. I must’ve fallen asleep on the chair in the park, I reasoned. However, when I sat up and opened my eyes to find Cassie, I was met with a much different sight. I was in a room that rivaled my house in size, laying atop a soft white bed decorated with many, many pillows. Gold supports rose up from underneath it, and mesh white curtains trimmed with lace were draped delicately around them. In any other situation, I would have marveled at the luxury of it all, however I had fallen asleep outside on a chair, so instead of reaching out to trace the designs in the lace, I screamed. I threw off the cloud-soft blankets and was extremely relieved to find my dress perfectly in-tact beneath them. I ran immediately to the large window to the right of where the bed was, and to my dismay, was greeted with a height that I would not be comfortable jumping from. 

Instead, I searched for a moment for my shoes, and slipped them on. I didn’t care where I was, only that I could get out and find my horse as soon as possible. I reached for the door handle, preparing myself for what could’ve been my third grand escape of the week, but instead saw the golden knob turn before I even had the chance to lay a finger upon it. 

The door opened out, and I was met with a face almost as surprised as my own, however far less scared. It was a man–of course it was a man. He looked relatively young, just around my age, or perhaps a little older. He had large brown eyes, and soft-looking skin. His dark red hair reached his ears, and had a slight wave away from his face. His pink lips smoothed into a slight smile, and he let out a little breathy laugh. “I didn’t think you’d be awake.” He whispered. “You must’ve been exhausted–you fell asleep outside and barely even stirred when Ten and I moved you.”

I decided at that moment that I didn’t care who this man was, where we were, and I certainly didn’t care who the hell Ten was. I only had one question for this man. “Where’s my horse?” It sounded more like a demand than a question, but I definitely wasn’t in the mood for negotiation. “Don’t worry!” He answered, stepping through the door a little more. “She’s in our stable. We have our best hands caring for her.” He was trying to sound comforting, but I really wasn’t in the mood. “Where’s your stable?” I asked, still firm. “It’s downstairs.” He conceded. “I’ll take you there soon. In the meantime though, I brought you breakfast.”

It was clear to me that there was no easy or quick way out of this situation, so out of fear and a touch of curiosity, I decided to briefly play along with this man and his breakfast while I pondered an escape route. Further complicating my plight was the royals tracking me down–had they come to Diamonds yet? They could’ve been waiting outside for all I knew. 

“Thank you.” I said, making no effort to step aside or let him into the room. “May I come in?” He asked, lifting a brow. “You can, but first, may I ask who you are, or where we are? Maybe both?” “Oh! Of course! You must be so confused!” He exclaimed, brushing past me to place a tray of warm food at a small table near the foot of the bed. “My name is Kun. This is the House of Diamonds. Welcome!” He grinned, and watched patiently as my mouth fell open. The House of Diamonds, of course, was their version of a palace or castle. They just didn’t call it that–for some reason. A lavish people, they are. 

So, I had fallen into another very tricky situation. I was inside of the royal house of Diamonds, with no idea how to escape or where Cassie was. What’s more, there was a man named Kun sitting at the foot of the bed I had just woken up in, waiting for me to eat the food he had just brought me. It was a sweet gesture, just not the one I needed. “Why am I here?” I asked, not stepping an inch away from the door. “Well,” Kun began, “Ten was out this morning, walking around his garden, when he found a pretty girl lying asleep in the cold. This pretty girl also happened to match a description that the court of Hearts had recently sent us regarding the prophesied queen. So, he came to get me and while I took your horse to our stable, he took you here to warm up and rest.” 

Yikes. “Weird.” I began. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was your garden. I must seem like such a fool! Well, no need to bother with food or anything–I’ve been enough of a burden to you already! I’ll just show myself out. Thank you, Kun.” I began to step out the door, praying that this might work, and hoping that I stood a chance at out-running this guy if need be. But alas, he wasn’t quite satisfied with my departure. “Wait, miss. You’re no burden–I can promise you that. It’s been quite fulfilling to care for you, actually.” He smiled, “You can’t leave–not yet. At least wait for our guests to arrive!” 

“Guests?” I asked, turning on my heels to face Kun. “The other royals! They’re on their way now–absolutely desperate to see you. You’ve caused quite a fuss, Seven.” Shit–he must’ve spoken to the others. Was he a servant with orders to wait? Maybe. It could be worth it to appeal to him–to beg a fellow peasant for mercy. I could deny everything, but something told me that would be futile. So, appealing it was. “Listen,” I whispered, swiftly crossing over to where he sat. I kneeled on the floor below him, and brushed my hair out of my face. “You’ve been very kind, and I’m sorry to ask more of you. I know your bosses and royals are probably waiting for me, but please. You must understand what it’s like to be humble, to know nothing of comfort or riches. I’m not built for that world, and I can’t stand against royals. Please, let me go. I’ll come back, give you anything you ask. I’m a healer sir, we’re good friends to have. Please.” 

“Seven,” Kun softened his face and reached out to hold mine. “My name is Kun, King of Diamonds. 

I couldn’t stop the tears that immediately fell down my cheeks. I had fallen straight from the edge of a cliff into the jaws of a beast, waiting patiently for me to trip. I wasn’t sure what divine being wished to see me suffering in prison or worse, but I prayed for it to forgive and take pity upon me. I let Kun brush my fallen hair aside as I brought my hands to my face. “Why do you cry, Seven? I’ve taken no offense to you.” He reached down and lifted me onto the bed beside him. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and whispered into my ear, “I know that you’re scared. This must be very startling for you. Here, just spend the day with my queen, my jack and I. Then, if you wish to leave us, you may do so by sunset. My only request is that you truly give us a chance. Give yourself one, too.”

He gave me no choice but to humor them–there was no sense in trying to fight my way through the palace and run away. I would only end up in more trouble. Instead, I would try to believe that Kun would really set me free at the end of the day, unless the other royals were to arrive. In that case, I would have to slip away. Even if I did make it back to Spades, what would I do? Did they know where I lived? Would there be any point in trying to hide? How would Yushi receive me? Oh, I had to see him again. I wished he were with me, there to talk us out of trouble or to make quips and wisecracks along the way. I wondered about Sakuya, and what he must’ve thought when his new-found friend had disappeared after but one day. Would I ever be able to go back to normal? Probably not–but I was just about ready to do anything for the opportunity to try. 

“Alright.” I whispered into Kun’s chest. “If you promise to let me go.” 

Kun began our day with a tour of the castle–he showed me meeting rooms with high ceilings and grand chandeliers, hallways lined with paintings and mirrors, and I got to see the garden in daylight, complete with the widest range of blooming flowers I had ever seen. “Do you like it?” Kun asked when he saw how my eyes widened when we stepped through the gate. I could only nod, turning in a circle so that I could soak in every detail. The myriad of bright oranges, pinks, and greens engulfed me in a trance of spring, one I was only brought out of when Kun reached for my hand. “I think I heard Ten–let’s go find him! He’d be so happy to see that you like the garden.” I nodded in approval, and I was swept down a stone lined path deeper into the sea of flora. 

“Ten?” Kun called, “Where are you?” “I’m right here.” A voice called from behind a row of white rose bushes. A man a little shorter than Kun rose from behind them, curiously clean despite having just been working with dirt. “Is that her?” He smiled, looking up to Kun, “Let me see you–you’re even prettier in the daylight.” He reached out a hand and touched my face lightly. “Has Kun been boring you, angel?” He grinned when I shook my head quickly. “No, sir. He’s been very kind.” Ten laughed. “Sir? Oh please don’t call me that, Seven. It makes me feel so old.” Kun chuckled as well, and I quickly apologized. 

“We’re people, just the same as you.” Ten said softly, grabbing my hand. “You can relax around us. Please, let yourself be calm.” Ten smiled and put a hand briefly upon my cheek before turning and beckoning Kun and I to follow. “Let us go back to the castle before we get sunburned. Chenle will be happy to see you!” “Chenle?” I asked, “The Jack.” Kun clarified, threading his arm around mine with a little smile. We walked back into the huge palace, rising strongly out of the ground and past the horizon. We approached the golden door from which Kun and I left, and another man stood behind it, peeking out. Upon seeing us, he smiled and stepped out. He was shorter than Kun and Ten, but he seemed to radiate enough confidence to make up for it. 

“Is that her?” He called, excited. “Is that the girl?” “She has a name, Chenle.” Kun said as we got closer to Chenle. “I know.” Chenle said, still not looking directly at me. “Seven,” He grinned, finally allowing his eyes to meet mine. “I’ve waited a long time to meet you.” “You have?” I asked, confused yet again. “Of course!” Chenle smiled, “But you’re here now–that’s what really matters. I’m so glad you decided not to run again.” “Seven told me that she would give us a chance.” Kun said from behind me. “Thank you.” Chenle nodded. “We won’t disappoint you.” Ten smiled. 

After much deliberation and some small arguments between the three, Kun, Ten, and Chenle all decided that it would be best if they showed me around the Kingdom. “I’m not sure,” I began, “Won’t people ask questions if they see you with some dirty, wide-eyed girl?” I asked. “They don’t have to see you.” Kun offered, “And you’re not dirty.” Ten added, “Your eyes are pretty wide though!” Chenle finished. I almost laughed, and Kun rolled his eyes. “We’ll go in a big carriage, and keep the back windows drawn. We’ll sit back there, and you can sit in the front. That way, you’ll be able to see the whole city,” “And we’ll be able to look at you!” Chenle finished. Despite my will, I let out a little giggle when Ten slapped him on the shoulder. “Okay.” I said, “But can I get changed first?” 

There were no dresses in the castle, but I was able to fit into a pair of Chenle’s pants, and Ten lent me a pressed, loose-fitting white shirt. I might’ve been dressed like a man, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to have another possible disguise on deck. Chenle waited outside the room for me to change while Kun and Ten went to go get the carriage ready, and we all climbed in together once I was done. “You’re going to love it,” Ten mused, “Nobody who visits Diamonds ever wants to leave.” “Nobody who visits Spades ever wants to stay.” I laughed, turning to look out the window. “So you’re truly from Spades?” Chenle asked, “The rest of us have been wondering.” “Us?” I raised a brow at him. “Well,” Chenle began, “Johnny and Yuta had never seen you before, so they weren’t too sure. Jisung thought that you could have originally been from Clubs, but then Jeno-”“Enough, Chenle.” Kun chided. “Wait–you’ve all been speaking about me? For how long?” I asked. How long had they been following me, and why were they so intent on finding me? I wasn’t a dangerous criminal, and I certainly wasn’t the girl of their prophecy–one of them had to know that. “Don’t listen to him.” Ten rolled his eyes as Chenle pouted. 

“Oh! Look over there, Seven.” Kun began, “Here’s the main road in the central city. This is where all the businesses are. Banks, shops,” “Ballrooms!” Chenle added, “And jewelers.” Ten chirped. It would’ve all been so overwhelming, but I felt as though I was in a dream, floating through a life that would never be my own. Everything smelled sweet and looked shiny, and I felt so disconnected to that girl from the Rocklands who catches her own fish for dinner. She could never mesh with these people, who rode around in fancy carriages and ate at high-class restaurants with white tablecloths and sparkling glasses. I knew I had to go home, but I wished it didn’t have to be so soon–or so definite. 

“It’s beautiful.” I said, and I meant it. “We know,” Chenle smirked, “But thanks.” 

The rest of our trip went well, and I was almost giddy when we returned to the palace. Clubs had been charming, and Hearts had always been beautiful, but this place was unreal. Everything seemed so perfect–almost unbelievably so. But I guess everything must seem like that when you’re from where I’m from. Thinking of home did have me missing it though, as dreary as it was. I missed Yushi most of all–God, he must’ve been so worried. Chenle took my hand and helped me out of the carriage, and though I smiled at him and his gorgeous face, I knew that I would have to leave soon. I was terrified of becoming trapped in this world I would never belong in. I made a plan to leave just after sunset–it was dangerous to travel in the dark, but it would allow me to sneak around without any royals following my trail. 

“Supper is probably ready!” Ten smiled. “I told the cooks to prepare something extra special for you Seven! You’ll love it.” He took my unoccupied hand, and grabbed Kun with his other as he whisked us all down a grand hallway. My shoes clicked on the marble floors as we got closer and closer to the smell of something that I had never smelled before, but that I knew would taste amazing. We entered a dining hall that might’ve been the same size as my whole house, and sat down to eat the grandest meal I’d ever been presented with. “Do you like it?” Kun asked, referring to the chicken and vegetable dish that served as the main course. “ I didn’t want to overwhelm you with something too fancy, so I figured this would be perfect!” Ten smiled. “It’s delicious.” I replied graciously, shoving another big piece into my mouth. 

Once everyone had finished dinner and dessert, Kun took us all to the balcony branching off of his bedroom to watch the sunset. My head wanted to tell him no, and that I should really get going, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t say no to his kind, honest eyes, or his supportive, outstretched hand. So, I followed. We stood in a line, leaning against the railing. Kun told jokes about the more trivial affairs he attended to as king, and Ten was quick to poke fun at him. Chenle told stories of riding around the kingdom, and I let myself laugh at it all. I felt truly at peace as the sun began to creep below the horizon, and I felt lines develop at the corner of my lips from how much I had been smiling. 

I’m not sure how long we were out there for, but we stayed until the sky got dark and the wind got cold. “Do you see that, Seven?” Kun asked, pointing at the sky, “That’s Venus.” “Where?” I asked, squinting up at the stars above. “Here,” He began, moving to stand directly behind me. His arm brushed my ear as it rose to point directly at a bright light above, and Chenle and Ten moved close to see as well. “I see it!” I exclaimed. Yushi liked to look at the stars, but he never knew which ones were which–he was going to love this. 

“How do you know?” Chenle asked, jealous of all the attention Kun was getting. “Because I actually studied while I was in school.” Kun said dryly, letting his arm fall around my shoulder. Before the two could start to bicker again, a guard knocked at Kun’s bedroom door. “I’ll be right back.” He winked, and stepped into and out of the room to speak with whoever was behind the door. 

“Don’t believe a word he says!” Chenle joked. “He’s-” “Ten, Chenle! Please, come with me downstairs. Seven, stay in here, make yourself comfortable. We’ll be right back.” “Alright.” Ten called, and caressed my arm as he passed. Chenle followed, stealing one last glance at me as he closed the door behind him. I moved inside of the room, and sat at the foot of Kun’s bed. If I were going to leave, now would be the time–but I couldn’t stand to leave them without a word–I had already done that to too many people. As I debated how best to leave, I realized that I might have fallen in love with the court of Diamonds. I loved how caring Kun was, how cheery Ten remained, and I loved the way Chenle always said exactly what he was thinking, even if it wasn’t necessarily something others would be willing to say. How could I leave them? 

My mind began to change. Maybe I could be their princess–I could learn how to use fancy silverware and how to manage a palace. I could stand dutifully by Kun’s side, rub Ten’s shoulders after a long day, and ride around on horseback with Chenle. I could even ask them to bring Yushi here with me! Somehow, I worked out in my mind that everything would be alright. I would go home and tell Yushi everything, and we’d come back to Diamonds together. It would be perfect. First though, I had to speak with my future husbands–who had been gone for quite a while. 

I figured it couldn’t hurt to seek them out. After all, they had held me almost captive in their palace for a day, so I figured I might have some leeway when it came to obeying strict rules. “Kun?” I called as I began to hear voices around a corner, “Kun? Are you th-” I stopped in my tracks as I looked past the wall and into the room where all the noise was coming from. In one of the reception rooms stood Kun, Ten and Chenle. Only, they weren’t alone–with them stood the very people in the world I hoped to see least. Xiaojun, Jeno, Jisung, Jungwoo, and Spades royals–Johnny and Yuta. They all stood facing Kun, who was announcing something to the group. 

“I told her early this morning that if she were to stay with us for a whole day, then she could choose whether or not she wanted to leave after.” He explained. “You gave her a choice?” Jeno questioned. “Has she chosen?” Xiaojun asked. “Where is she?” Jisung demanded, “I want to see her. Please.” “Let me talk to her first.” Ten objected, “She scares easily–we don’t want her running again.” With that Ten walked out, and the room seemed to collapse on me as I turned away and sunk to the ground. All at once, I was painfully reminded of just who I was. A poor fugitive with a quiet, simple future. I had fallen into somebody else’s story, and thoroughly messed it up. I would never be part of this world, and I couldn’t stay in it any longer. 

I don’t remember my walk to the stable, moving in some sort of bewildered trance. “Come on, Cassie.” I patted her mane, and began to lead her out of the comfortable stall she had gotten to spend the day in. She seemed sad to be leaving, but I’m sure she’d missed the open fields of the Rocklands. “We’re going home.” I smiled at her with tears in my eyes. 

“Wait!” A voice behind me called, and I whipped my head around in surprise. “Don’t leave us, Seven. Please.” Ten said from a few stalls down. “You could be happy here. We could all be happy.” I looked away from him as I began to fasten Cassie’s saddle and bags. “Ten, we could never be happy. I’m not meant for this world, and you’re not meant for mine. I had an amazing day, but dreams can never last.” “This one can.” He whispered, tears forming in his eyes to match mine. “It can’t!” I shook my head. “Keep looking for a girl for your prophecy–she’s out there–and I can’t take her story from her.” I turned Cassie around, and she took off out of the stable. “No!” I heard Ten call as we left. “Wait, Seven!” He yelled, but it was in vain. I had to get home, and this needed to end. If they really needed or loved me, they could come find me in Spades. Until then though, I had my life waiting for me, patient and quiet.

[distant-velleity]

Two Is Just As Good As One

Summary: Even when the Mostro Lounge is empty, people like Yu and Chrysos can experience companionship there. Word count: ~900 A/N: A short little unbeta'd thing, since I wanted a little bit of Yu from a POV that isn't his. These two were always meant to be similar, and I took it a step further bc Chrysos is always interested in people who aren't what they appear to be. Like Yu "I can and will pretend to be someone I'm not" Wei. Two people who want to be free but can't handle negative perception... wow. Let them be friends !!! (bonus note: this takes place on Day 3 of A Fair Price. Just so you know :> )

~

For a Saturday evening, the crowds have cleared out rather quickly. 

By the time Chrysos emerges from his room with a thermos of soothing tea for his strained previously-singing voice, the Lounge is empty. Everyone else who was on shift earlier must be in the kitchen washing dishes. Well, save for a certain otherworldly boy wearing a borrowed Octavinelle uniform, sleeves rolled up as he uses a rag to wipe down the tables.  

Yu hums quietly to himself, looking rather serene and satisfied for someone on solo cleaning duty. He doesn’t seem aware that Chrysos is watching him from the shadows of the hallway, as he even chaînés turns from the now-clean table to another one.

For someone so frequently swapping personas to appeal to others, his true self has some rather simple desires. Like dancing and humming to his heart’s content.

Another similarity between the two of us, it would seem.

Chrysos recognizes the tune after listening and watching Yu dance between cleaning for a bit, finding himself singing along without realizing—

“Seeking thrills makes me me, it’s an essential piece / In the darkness, I’ll enchant you, so take my hand,” he sings, soft as to not irritate his throat. “Witness this wondrous, twisted land~”

It’s almost comical, how Yu snaps out of his solitary reverie as soon as he realizes that it’s not just a figment of his imagination singing. “Chrysos?!” he yelps, almost shouting as he clutches the rag to his chest. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.” Chrysos dips his head apologetically. “I heard you humming Piece of My World and couldn’t help myself.”

“Ah…” Yu relaxes, hands falling back to his sides. He puts on a sheepish, small smile. “I guess it is kind of my fault for thinking I could just do whatever while I was cleaning. That song’s been stuck in my head lately.”

“It was the audition song for the SDC team, right?”

Yu nods. “And it’s really catchy, too. I can see why it was so popular.” He leans over to continue wiping a table. “Have you considered performing it here?”

“It was one of my first songs here, back when the trend was still dying down,” recalls Chrysos. 

“Oh, makes sense.”

Inevitably, because it’s not in either of their natures to make small talk, they both fall silent. Yu tightens the hairtie on his ponytail and continues his work.

However, it’s starting to occur to Chrysos that there’s still quite a few tables left and only one magicless human on the task. If he hadn’t walked in then he probably wouldn’t have paid it any mind, but now that he’s here, it’s a little difficult to shrug and walk away. 

“Do you…” Chrysos starts, and then stops himself out of embarrassment when Yu turns to look at him. The TA offers him an encouraging tilt of the head, though, so he continues. “Do you want any help with cleaning the tables?”

(He’s really starting to get why Santiago curses out his conscience so much. Remembering how he’d treated certain students with disdain and disregard back in early December… it makes him want to make up for that, and it’s awful.)

Yu’s eyes widen. “Oh! No, no, it’s fine. I know it looks bad because it’s just me working, but there was another guy helping me out earlier. You just performed, so you should rest.” He pauses. “Also, didn’t Azul explicitly tell you to use less magic outside of classes?”

Chrysos grimaces internally when he remembers the stern talking-to he’d gotten from his upperclassmen. It’s already been a few weeks since winter break, but he’s probably still not off the hook. “I can grab another rag and clean manually. It’d still be faster.”

Yu visibly hesitates. “If you want…”

He has that look in his eyes when he glances at Chrysos. A look where it seems as if he’s not looking at the person themselves, but through their facade and into them. People like Leona, Azul, and Jamil have been on the receiving end of it more times than Chrysos can count. 

The TA doesn’t consider himself perceptive, but at least to others, he is in some way. Consequently, that perceptiveness leads to concern for what he sees in others. Concern that is… a little more than partially warranted, but—

“It won’t be a problem,” Chrysos assures him, because he does want to offer his help. It’s easy, if mundane, work.

(And, he can think to himself with the second-hand humiliation of a child watching his older sibling fall in love, the housewarden is in the VIP office with Jayme right now, so he isn’t around to tell me no.)

There’s a moment in which Yu continues to hesitate, battling with himself on the inside, before finally opening himself up to accept help. “Okay,” he concedes. “I haven’t gotten to the tables by the bar yet.”

“Got it. I’ll take care of those.”

He makes a quick trip to the storage closet and gets to work as soon as he comes back, offering Yu the mop for the floor once the tables are nice and clean. With two people on the job, the work may not be as quiet—even with two introverts—but it’s easier.

And if Chrysos accidentally makes eye contact with Yu only for them to share a little companionable smile, that’s something that doesn’t need to be discussed.

[princemick]

I'm sorry you got attacked by some fans some of them are normal people I swear. I have no problem with people throwing hate at Max and yes I also like Lewis because I focus on what I feel and do as a fan. I think everyone should know what to do to make the community less toxic and I see rude fans on both sides.

You are an amazing content creator and seem a nice person. The only criticism I have is that sometimes you put yourself in the position of "owner of the fanbase"? Sometimes it sounds like you speak for us all when it's not the case.

I'm sure a lot of people on social media act in certain ways to feel welcomed and make friends but in the end we are different individuals that shouldn't be judged as one. This can go for the situation with the Max fans on your post too.

Again I'm sorry you got attacked no one deserves this.

hiya, I'm gonna, try and be nice but this genuinely confused me. but first absolutely now worries i wasn't really attacked or if I was I haven't cared, the post is muted so I'm not seeing anything yk.

but okay, everyone reads posts differently and mb a joke was misread idk but I've always tried to make it very clear that I can only speak for myself? I have in the last few asks made that clear and I try to explicitly state that every time. the only thing I'm like 'lol ur all wrong im right' about is like omegaverse alignment as a joke so I genuinely dont know where that comes from.

I am pretty sure ive never seriously spoken for more people then myself and maybe fran and niamh and I never will bc I obviously clearly cant. and if I ever have spoken for the whole community (outside of that one welcome to tumblr from twitter post) then?? that was dumb of me sorry abt that.

n yea for the last part I have let half the max fans just reblog it like I said before most just hijacked it as max positive n were normal abt it in the tags n then I dont mind I mind the people that start saying dumb shit abt me in the tags bc that urks me for obvious reasons. everyones free to read my posts however they want just dont be a dick n a good few people were dicks. so those I blocked.

[wrciteoff]

i know what u are thinking !! Jamie !! u said u were going into the woods for a week !! that was May 2nd !! it is the 24th !! it has been 3 WEEKS !!

n u are right. correct. the woods were v convincing what can i say

[morallygay]

🟩⬜️⬛️ Animes for aro/ace people - Part 1 ⬛️⬜️🟪

part 2 here

Including:

-shows in which (a) character(s) has/have shown lack of interest or disinterest in romance and/or sex🔻

-shows that as a whole have little to no romance and/or sex in them or are not romance focused🔹

I encourage anyone to reply/reblog with ideas/suggestions of animes that could qualify (especially aroallo people since you are the least represented and, basically being the opposite myself, I will not necessarily notice it). This is an ever expanding list (in theory. when i remember to come back to it) :)

This is a completely personal list based on what animes made me consciously think “aspec vibes”; it’s not guaranteed that you vibe with my taste, but surely a few people will, and this is for them. Since I’ve seen a lot of animes while aroace, I’m one of the few people who could make this post, so here, finally I made it.

To me canon and the intentions of the author are very important and obviously change completely the context of the ‘representation’. The worst feeling is expecting representation and being disappointed and invalidated, so I will make clear what kind and level of representation it is and if intended (to my understanding/intuition) or not. Let’s start by saying that, in case you were born yesterday, we don’t exist according to media and anime is no exception so expect most of those to not canonically be aromantic or asexual, and that even if the author intended in some cases to make them in practice aro/ace, it is most likely in a way that is oblivious to the actual existence of these orientations (the words are never used for sure), ex. it’s supposed to be a quirk / personality trait and not an actual sexuality. Also I have a taste for seinen so there will be an overrepresentation of that. With that said, let’s go.

"Saiki Kusuo No Psi Nan" / "The Disastrous Life Of Saiki K" (like 50 episodes but you will not see the time pass)🔻

Definitely the n.1 aroace anime. It’s a comedy. The protagonist is an absolute aroace icon. He explicitly expressed multiple times that he doesn't get and is disinterested in romance/sex and those facts are pillars of the show and the comedy. He loves sweets. You can also see him as demi. However the (aro/ace) label is obviously never used since the author is probably unaware of this sexuality's existence. It's the kind of representation that is not intended as representation. He is ‘nonhuman’ aroace rep; the fact that he is a psychic and basically a god is intended as the reason for his lack of interest/attraction.

warning: in season 3 he loses his powers and it is implied that because of that he is now a Normal boy and therefore allo. and he shows attraction for the first and only time in the commercial breaks animations lmao. traumatizing 😔. that didn’t happen in the manga anyway so just bear with it and ignore it.

Otherwise there is a lot of romance in this show and instances of sexual attraction, and it has a lot of other problems. It probably doesn’t pass the bechdel test for like the first and a half season. But it really is funny— hilarious even. It’s also very problematic. Still definitely recommend and it is very empowering to watch as an aroace, but keeping all that in mind.

“Barakamon” (12 episodes)🔻

The protagonist is canonically asexual in the manga apparently. I haven’t read it but in the anime at least he did in fact show disinterest and confusion over sexual attraction. No info romantic orientation-wise. It isn’t perfect (there was a whole thing about a character that is a homophobic fujoshi and other instances of unfunny humor like that) but it’s an cute slice of life I suppose.

“Dr Stone” (35 episodes + 3rd season coming soon)🔻

The protagonist never showed romantic or sexual attraction and explicitly showed disinterest to both at times. He literally got married for practical reasons and divorced hours later. Aroace king. Here too his lack of interest may be intended as a joke to show that he is Logical and too busy with Science to have time for bullshit like “love”, but it’s not like he can’t be both so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. The show itself is about science and is overflowing with love for the world in general! I have some (unrelated to aspecness) problems with it but overall it’s really good + there’s other types of queer rep in the manga apparently but I haven’t read it yet.

“Ore Monogatari” / “My Love Story” (24 episodes)🔻

A very sweet and good romance anime. In this one the side character (on the right) is heavily implied to be on both the aromantic and asexual spectrums, and there was a whole mini-arc about him and that near the end of the anime. Very wholesome.

“Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun” / “Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun” (12 episodes + 1 OVA)🔻

A hilarious romantic comedy that I highly recommend in general. The protagonist’s crush is super aroace in the anime and it’s very funny and validating/empowering. It’s supposed to be read as him being oblivious for the sake of comedy, and he still is her love interest so in the manga — which goes much further — he slowly starts to develop feelings too. I see him as demiromantic. There are 2 other characters that have shown confusion / lack of interest about sexual attraction (one only appears in the manga) that I see as alloace. Also everyone (yes the aroace guy included) is bi. Not canonically of course but yeah. Watch it (unless you’re the type that doesn’t do ships, then you can pass on this one).

“Shingeki No Kyojin” / “Attack On Titan” (87 episodes + the last season coming soon)🔹

Romance exists in the show in the way that: it exists in real life so it would be unrealistic to not have it. The show itself is not focused on romance at all, and there is no unnecessary forced romance either. The female characters are not sexualized at all and there are virtually no comment/scene that show sexual attraction, to the point where I wonder if isayama (the author) is not asexual as well. This is a show where it’s hard to find any characters who you can prove are allo; this is how irrelevant both romance and sexual attraction are.

“Beelzebub” (60 episodes)🔻

This one is a mostly episodic comedy. The protagonist has big aroace vibes. He is supposed to be read as oblivious (which he also definitely is, but I see him as both) and too dumb to be horny or something. There is a lot of fanservice (respectful one though (well, as respectful as fanservice can be??)) and his best friend’s entire personality is being a pervert and that’s really annoying. Plus one of the main recurring characters is a ‘predatory gay’ walking joke. Despite my very low tolerance for stuff like that I still personally somehow love this anime and find it very funny in the end. I haven’t read the manga.

“Yagate Kimi Ni Naru” / “Bloom Into You” (13 episodes)🔻

A wlw romance in which the protagonist is aspec, and this is obviously relevant and touched upon. Definitely arospec and most likely acespec too (can’t remember exactly). There is also an aromantic side character that enjoys consuming romance but has zero interest in personally participating in it.

“Banana Fish” (24 episodes)🔹(🔻)

The 2 main characters are mlm love interests, and their relationship isn’t sexual at all. The show itself does deal with the theme of sexual abuse, and it’s a recurring relevant topic so trigger warning for that (but not in a romanticized/fetishized way at all). Their relationship being romantic is technically not canon either but it’s subtext (the kind that if it was straight no one would question it). They’re called “best friends 😊” to the end lol so. yeah. It can be frustrating from a gay rep standpoint but at the same time also right up your alley if you want queerplatonic greyromantic (asexual) stuff.

This one is a bit of a tangent but mlm rep in anime that isn’t sexual is so rare so I wanted to include it since I’m an mlm aspec and this is just like me fr. Also it’s a must watch in general.

“Paripi Koumei” / “Ya Boy Kongming” (12 episodes)🔹

This anime is wild (complimentary). The main theme is music, but this description can’t do it justice. Anyway the show is completely devoid of romance (at least as of now with 1 season. I haven’t read the manga) but full of sweet friendships and heartwarming interactions. The kind of thing to show to someone who says that romance is a necessary part of humanity and that life is less meaningful without it.

“Acca 13” (12 episodes)🔹

A seriously underrated show. This one is on this list because it was very satisfying to watch as an aroace person. There is no focus on romance. There are characters who are attracted to other characters but it’s not relevant or used for frustrating unnecessary drama or anything, it’s actually in a very refreshingly chill, matter-of-fact way, and it never goes farther than that. It’s so unique in this way I can’t really explain it well, but it’s pretty cool.

[sor-vette]

#2 Tenebrous Thursday

“It’s a refurbished student housing,” you explain as they trail after you like ducks in a row. Even if they don’t understand what you’re saying, they seem to be clinging to every word. Wherever you look there’s always at least one pair of doe eyes staring expectantly back at you a.k.a. what do you do when you open your doors and find a certain retired boyband for some reason wants to move in

• type: ot7 x fem! reader (poly) • w/c: 2.5k • rating: mature

• series’ masterlist • other works

• a/n: the whole lease/deposit and other daily things I wrote based on my own experiences. If you read and think "wait this is not how it works" sorry, we most likely just live in different countries. Also let me just make this explicitly clear, from the way I portray the boys struggling to speak in a foreign language is in no way demeaning or mocking, it's just a simple situation that naturally occurs when one moves to a different place, nothing more.

“Now I know you and I are not exactly friends, but if sending me seven handsome strangers to my door is some kind of a bribe, I promise to do anything, literally anything,” Rebecca titters in your phone as you sit on the floor, examining the vacant apartment.

“They’re not a bribe,” you argue, passively, “they want to sign the lease. Did you give it to them?”

“Yes, they’re in my living room, reading it right now. Are they some kind of friends of yours? They seem… familiar.”

And frankly who doesn’t know the largest boyband in the world, South Korea’s very own national pride and cultural ambassadors for future generations. Your particular resume of a human being with the side of a measly interior designer comes a few hundred titles short in achievement measurement contest.

“They’re not my friends and you probably saw them in a dream.”

“So you’re moving in with seven strangers? That seems… slightly, nay, largely out of character. Like a meteorite crater large.”

“I don’t know if I want to move in with them,” you sigh.

You’re curious but the potential feeling of dread of just having seven strangers waltzing around your apartment for god knows what reason is so damning it pulls you back from diving headlong into the curious happenstance of BTS’ sudden and illogical uproot.

“They’re signing the lease, Dumbo, it’s a bit too late to say you don’t want them.”

“Well, I can always quit, right. You left that loophole in my contract.”

Rebecca hums in agreement. She hadn’t done it out of any human kindness, of course, she just happened to be digesting three litres of tequila when you met and so word by word fine pen additions were made to your lease contract that leveraged more for your sake, than hers. A fact she was enormously bitter about.

“But wasn’t this like your dream apartment, though. I thought you’d do anything to actually live there.”

And it was. Still is. You sat there, on the light wooden floors and looked over the white walls. It’s empty now, like a blank canvas and you had been itching to paint them with colours of your aesthetic for so long, it had practically become a part of your personality, but that you did when you still had your “friends” and had been naive enough to hope that they’d like to be your makeshift family.

Boy, how wrong could one person be.

“I guess. But I won’t sacrifice myself for just some walls and windows, you know.”

“Is it _________?” a voice asks in the background. Only when their bright laughter rings through the phone, you recognize it to be Hoseok. “Hello, ________! We going - we are going to you!”

There’s some rustling on the other line and a high-pitched yelp before a very calm and not at all out of breath Namjoon steps in to negate the damage.

“Hello, __________, this is me. We signed the lease and paid our deposit, so could we come up to see the apartment? That is if you still want us, of course. I mean not want want us but if you'll have us... you know what I'm just going to stop speaking."

You thank the Lord that this is a phone conversation so Namjoon can't see how you soundlessly shake with laughter.

"Yes, you can come up."

And if there is a loud relieved sigh escaping his lips, you don't remark on it.

"It's a refurbished student housing," you explain as they trail after you like ducks in a row. Even if they don't understand what you're saying, they seem to be clinging to every word. Whenever you look there's always at least one pair of doe eyes staring back at you.

It's unbearable.

"That's why there are so many rooms and since they didn't bring in the furniture it knocked down the cost."

Not that they need it, you snort to yourself. There's a dainty silver bracelet wrapped around Jimin's wrist that could probably buy at least half of the whole place with no problem.

"How much can they understand me?" you whisper to Namjoon as the weight of humiliation of speaking with no answers becomes too much to bear.

"We understand," Jungkook insists energetically, even pulling out a book from Taehyung’s hands. "Conversation made Easy" for Korean speakers. Intermediate.

"Studying."

Hoseok nods along. It's so very sweet that they go to put in that extra mile. The completely unneeded, unnecessary extra mile that had no logical explanation why they were even driving there in the first place-!

You were getting worked up again.

"What is "refurbished"?" Taehyung inquires, head cocked to the side, towering over you with a smouldering look underneath the messy curls. You almost are convinced that he's asking some deep, intimate questions and not a dictionary entry.

"Oh, um, that's when the apartment is changed and built again," you supply lamely, stepping back and turning to reveal the five bedrooms. What you don't notice is the slap that Namjoon smacks lightly against Taehyung’s back. He gestures wildly back but abruptly straightens with an innocent smile when you turn again.

"As you know there are five rooms in total, we're eight so most have to room together."

"Oh, we'll divide it amongst ourselves. Which one’s yours?" Namjoon softly asks, shaking his palm out.

"Originally, I had my eye for the first to the left, it has a view of the square but if you want it -"

"No, please," Yoongi interrupts, scratching at his nape, escaping your curious glance, "you were here first. It's yours."

"I guess that's it," you conclude, awkwardly swaying on your feet as everyone's attention is on you. It's like they're waiting for something but you can't even remotely imagine what would they want from you. "When are you going to move your stuff in?"

"Tomorrow. We left most of it at the hot- I mean, the previous residence,” Namjoon blushes bright red, donning that devastating smile that puts millions into excessive heart palpitations.

You narrow your eyes at him.

“Uh, huh.”

Cold sweat breaks out on his forehead so hastily he turns your attention somewhere else.

“Where are your things?”

“You’re looking at them,” you answer with a frown, gesturing to the small, red suitcase, shoved to the side of the hallway.

“Only that?” Jungkook questions sweetly, you’d go so far as to say - concerned but you don’t let it go to your heart too much.

You were playing a dangerous game. These seven men once made it their entire side job of compelling people to fall in love with them. If you had any hope of making it out of this situation with a working head and heart you had to pluck any stray wonderings right at the root.

“I… I don’t like to have much stuff,” you reply casually.

It’s a lie, of course, having stuff was nice. But most of it you had to sell to put down your own fixed deposit, which left you with three jumpers, two pairs of pants and some underwear. Your phone you had re-sold to your cousin’s friend in exchange to a gracious handout of her old, broken one. It could make texts, phone calls and occasionally the alarm even worked. At the moment it was enough to work with.

You couldn’t explain what about this particular apartment had you hypnotized so much you were willing to do anything for it. You could have just gotten a nice studio apartment for one and lived alone like you always wanted but none of them felt right. In all honesty, thinking of living in them felt as pleasant as walking with someone else’s bones if that made any sense.

Back in the day, before lockdown, when you had a running group of friends, it had seemed so easy then. The collective paychecks allowed you more than enough freedom to indulge in this ridiculous fantasy. Only then the lockdown ended and there was solely yourself working to get in here. Peculiarly, it was mere minutes after you abandoned all hope, ready to fight with Rebecca of annulling your contract that a certain boy band appeared in your doors, guided by either some case of shared insanity or divine intervention. There could be some overlap.

You all fall silent. The hallway is teeming with mutual embarrassment so you very courageously dip as fast as any human being physically could.

“Gentlemen, this has to be the dumbest idea we’ve ever had,” Jin speaks up from the corner of the empty living room, eyes dead to the world.

“This was your idea,” Jungkook states from where he is spread out on the herringbone floor, not accusingly just as a matter of fact.

“Exactly. I was wallowing, this is me - wallowing.”

They all shuffle around, a bit dazed, a bit mindless. Only now had it hit them what the hell they were doing. In fact, it hit them so hard they were left abhorrently stupefied, not daring to go talk to you or reach some sort of an invitation for dinner, even though that was the entire goal.

“We can’t just sit here,” Jimin complains and then makes no indication of movement, curling into Jungkook for warmth. The heating wasn’t on. It was central as you had explained and would only be turned on when the heating company deemed it cold enough. What horrible conditions. Though there’s no place Jimin would rather be, except for your arms or thighs but you were not ready for that conversation quite yet.

“Rock, paper, scissors - the traditional way,” Hobi offers, the harbinger of peace that he was.

“Loser asks _______ to come eat with us but gets the furthest room,” Jin conditions, also a harbinger, just of chaos.

“Why are you like this?” Hobi grumbles and the room stirs with some heart at the offered prospect. Taehyung wins with Jungkook in tow.

“Hi, would you like to eat with us, hi, would you like to eat with us, hi, would you like to eat with us,” Taehyung repeats as though he had to hypnotize you.

They all still when they hear the doors to your room close, frozen in terror like bunnies facing a starving wolf. Except bunnies actually ran and were not launching themselves between its jaws.

Taehyung opens his mouth, making sure that his voice is sexy and low and lets it fall out with pure, unadulterated confidence -

“Hi, would you like us?”

Namjoon doesn’t even bother to hide the fact that he’s facepalming.

“Hi,” you return only 20% confused at this point, “it’s a little early to tell. I’m going to work for a little while. Here are the spare keys.”

You reach over to the closest Jungkook who squeaks like a chew toy when your hand brushes against his.

If possible, Namjoon sags even lower.

Work had never been so pleasant as it was now. You melt into the chair, relieved about being given a saving grace of not rocking back and forth on the floor of your new apartment with a grating whathefuckwhathefuckwhathefuckwhathefuckwhathefuckwhathefuckwhathefuck looping in the foreground of your mind. You’d much rather stare at the different shades of beige than attempt to approach the painful conversation with Vutton's global ambassadors. Although, they were presumably out of that job, considering they were supposed to be in the army.

The office is quiet, most of your colleagues choosing to remain WFH even as the ban was lifted. You’d do too had you not needed to sell your computer along with the necessary programs in it. It didn’t pay to be a beginner. Not socially, not emotionally and most definitely not monetarily.

You physically grunt at the appalling tint of egg beige with an undertone of pink. Nothing said dining room like a stock picture of a white infant. When you’re done the sun is already going down. It’s the cusp of August transforming into September, relatively warm during the day but increasingly cold during evenings. Namjoon and Jungkook will have their birthdays soon. With a sigh, you turn off your computer. It was a faint hope that they all would be miraculously asleep by 8 p.m. but then you recall the tiny fact that your apartment had no furniture and the spring in your step returns as if it never left.

They won't sleep on the floor, you reason, they will most likely return to their hotel and you would be granted Heaven’s mercy of one final lonesome night. But God hates you, maybe because of the small fire incident at church, maybe for some other reason and as such the first thing you hear after stepping a foot over the threshold is a sound of loud conversation drowning out the mellow jazz music playing through the empty halls.

You don’t even have the time to recuperate when a flushed Jimin pokes his head through the entry of the living room, complains something indecipherable and retreats back, gasping on a row of goofy giggles. He’s drunk. In fact, from the sound alone you can tell they’re all quite inebriated. Taehyung follows suit with a slowly blinking Jungkook peeking over his shoulder.

“Welcome home, __________,” he greets smoothly, either having been practising or unlocking multilingualism via alcohol. “Do you want to eat with us?”

What you want is to say no. How are you just supposed to sit among them like it’s not mind-bogglingly strange they’re even here but the smell reaches you before the cowardice can. It smells divine. When was the last time you had a decent meal? Neither your brain nor your stomach can remember and in the moment of profound human weakness you agree and let yourself be dragged by the elbows to their merry group.

The floor is covered with takeout cartons, plastic cups and bottles. From the pizza box, shoved decidedly to the side, you can gather they found Pazzi - the cheapest bistro joint on your street. Yes, a shortcut to one's expiry date but the emotional value from their cheesy pizzas was invaluable.

“Oh, ________, is here, helloooo,” Yoongi greets you enthusiastically. You can barely withhold your gape at his outward attitude. From the expression on his face, you doubt he understands much of what is right in front of him.

The moment you sit down you are positively swarmed with attention. Amidst the jokes you don’t understand, happy chuckles and friendly wrestling to get you to eat more, you’ve never been so mortified in your life. Or so much cared for but once again it’s dangerous to think that.

As the night stretches on, they become more daring and less coherent. You struggle to push Jimin off your lap while barking at Jungkook to stop smelling your hair. By this point you are certain they won’t remember anything tomorrow. Hobi was squatting in the corner, face bright red, soullessly gazing at the ceiling, Namjoon and Yoongi were wailing like cats, swaying together in a loose hug, Taehyung was embroiled in a deeply personal battle to unbutton his shirt and Jin had already long ago passed out on the floor, surrounded by the sprawling anarchy.

BTS, you think, the myths, the legends, the biggest weirdos you've ever met.

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© sor-vette, 2021

Tag list (open/if you want to join let me know in the replies):

@xyahrinx; @alpacaparkaseok; @yessii-i; @crewzie-chan; @savage-aespa; @mayla548; @wordsaremyswords; @loveyoongles;

[imtheiliad]

there'll be a day when you can say you're okay and mean it [1k | Maddie and Eddie bonding] {ao3} characters: Maddie Buckley, Eddie Diaz, Evan Buckley a/n: literally just 1k of Maddie and Eddie quietly bonding one night when they both end up at Buck's apartment. Okay so this really barely scratches the surface of maddie and eddie's potential, but i started and this is what came out because i caouldn't fully tackle writing something super heavy after last night, but i hope to write more in the future! title from burned out by dodie. nothing is explicitly mentioned but there are allusions to a suicide attempt and panic attacks, like very very vague but take care of yourselves babes <3.

Maddie turns her key in the lock and reminds herself the Buck had said anytime. And she knows he meant it. And she figures it would be empty, he’s on shift, Taylor’s gone.

So when she opens the door with shaky hands to find Eddie looking up from where he sits at the dining table, startled but holding a concern that softens when his eyes land on her, she’s surprised.

She hasn’t really seen him since before. Before the pandemic, before she even knew she was pregnant, before he got shot.

His hair is shorter and sticking up as though he had run his hand through it one too many times. He looks tired and worn in a way he didn’t before. In a way she recognized from the mirror 6 months ago.

He might as well be a shadow of the man she last saw, smiling, beads hanging around his neck, laughing with her brother as the camera flashed and caught their joy.

“I-“ he starts and even his voice is shattered,

“He lets you come here too,” she says a small smile playing on her lips at the thought,

“Yeah,” is all Eddie croaks out his fingers running over his scraped knuckles.

“Eddie,” she starts

“If you ask me if I’m okay I might actually have a conniption,” he says lightly, biting his lip looking at her knowingly,

“Gotcha, I was just going to make myself some tea, do you want a cup?”

“Yes?” He replies

“Buck keeps this blend I really like, it helps calm me down, honestly I don’t know if it is actually the tea or just a placebo but regardless it works,” she rambles as she fills the water boiler and finds two clean mugs in the dishwasher.

Once the tea is made, they sit across from each other in a weird mix of awkward comfortable silence, the sound of mugs hitting the table the only sound filling the air.

“So, do you have this shift off or?” Maddie finally asks,

Eddie shakes his head and clears his throat,

“I uh, actually left. Transferred to working at dispatch as a public liaison,”

Maddie thinks for a moment, a smile cracking across her face “you run the lafd social media? Eddie Diaz is being paid to run a twitter, well then,”

“Yeah, I kinda hate it. But Christopher was worried.”

She tilts her head thoughtfully but doesn’t respond, instead sipping her tea.

And a silence falls over them again.

“Do you wanna maybe?” He points at the couch, “Just cause I’ve been sitting in this chair so long I think my legs are about to go numb.”

She nods and so they gather their mugs and settle on the couch, Maddie tucks her legs under her and Eddie grabs one of the throw pillows to hold onto.

“So… what brought you here tonight?” Maddie asks over her cup,

Eddie pauses for a moment, considering his words, “Therapy was a lot today and Christopher is spending the weekend with Abuela, so the house was too big and too quiet. Cause the last time he wasn’t there I,” his eyes travel to the corner where brick meets concrete and metal and he hugs the pillow closer his fingers running over the mostly healed scabs on his knuckles, “What about you?”

“The house was too big and too quiet,” she echos, “Jee is with the Lees, and everyone is at work,” she smiles, “so much for a Friday night huh?”

Eddie smiles.

And they fall back into comfortable silence, the unspoken understanding between them resting in the air.

“You know, I ran too,” Eddie says thoughtfully, “and Christopher and I, we’re okay. He doesn’t resent me for it.”

And Maddie looks at him, eyebrows knit over watering eyes,

“I just thought you would want to hear that,” he supplies as he takes another sip of his tea,

“Will I ever forgive myself for missing so much?” She asks quietly,

“You’re here now, that’s what matters.”

A small sob cracks out of her.

Buck had told her how Eddie had the habit of just saying things exactly the way they needed to be heard,

“Yeah I am,” she nods, “God I thought I had run myself dry,” she says wiping tears with the back of her hand, “You’re too good at that you know?” “What?” “Reading people, saying what they need to hear,” “I don’t know, I think I am just well versed in Buckley,” he replies,

“Maybe,” she sighs, “You know, one of the first things Buck ever told me about you was just how wonderful of a father you are. And choosing to heal only builds that,” she says,

“I know. I just wish feeling like shit over it all again wasn’t a part of healing,”

“That’s the part they never tell you. And I know it’s cliche, but it does get better,” she smiles,

He nods.

And it’s quiet again.

They don’t talk much after that. Putting on the tv for a little company and eventually each drifting off to the hushed tones of houses being redecorated.

Maddie opens her eyes slowly, the morning light cascading over the apartment, the sound of the sink running, and their mugs gone from the coffee table and the tv silenced. A throw tucked around her lap and a pillow carefully wedged under her head.

Buck turns around as she sits up and yawns, making his way over,

“Good morning,” he says quietly, “you two okay?”

Maddie glances over to Eddie, his face slightly scrunched as he sleeps, “We will be. We bonded,” she replies,

“I always thought you might, given the chance,” he says just as Eddie stirs, “I texted Chimney,” he pats her leg,

“Oh, thank you,” she smiles softly.

“Buck?” Eddie says still half asleep,

“Hi there sleepyhead, coffee is already brewing,” his hand lingers on Eddie’s knee before he gets up, “he does not function well without it,” he continues for Maddie’s benefit and she smiles at him softly.

Yeah, things were okay.