#mystery drugged.) throws up and she realizes oh. oh something’s wrong. i don’t know what’s wrong but something is really really wrong.

[quietwingsinthesky]

going to sleep, time to imagine my comfort fanfiction for the night! (<- favorite character getting violently nonconned)

[ryndicate]

ㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ    ㅤ ㅤPart One: Nock

Kirishima x fem!reader

warnings: dark content; please check ML for full series warnings, this part just has angst and drug mentions

a/n: 2.3k, I've been dreaming about this one for awhile and I won't lie, this is the intro to my imagination's tangent to @k1saki saying "bloody teeth Kiri" on the dash once. I wrote a single scene that deserves a full story or my writer brain wouldnt be satisfied! So! Once upon a time....

By expanding, you are consenting to viewing adult/dark content, and all warnings listed above. 18+ Minors DNI

Blog Rules

ㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ    ㅤ ㅤ| Masterlist |

The last thing Kirishima remembers is throwing up his quirk as he lunged in front of Bakugou in the middle of a bust gone wrong. 

He must not have been fast enough because he’s blinking his eyes open slowly, disoriented. He can hear the sound of hushed voices, can smell the musty odor of something that was left out wet for too long. His hero suit is still on, leaving his body cold and exposed. Goosebumps cover his skin, so Kirishima wants to assume he’s freezing but it’s confusing; he feels wracked with heat, as if smoke might burst from his skin within seconds.

“Looks like our next headline hero is waking up.”

An amused voice brightens the dark room with his singsong and Kirishima’s red eyes focus in on an attractive man who is stepping into view from around the… Kirishima realizes he’s chained tightly to what looks like some sort of dentist chair, but oddly that revelation doesn’t bring around any trepidation. All he can focus on is the plush set of the lips of the man speaking.

“—I have to admit, I was pretty disappointed when my men couldn’t get me Dynamight, but I think you’ll do very nicely,” he hums, his voice pleasant, friendly even. “You looked a little too wild for my tastes, but after researching your public image, I don’t think this could have turned out any better. You’re oddly welcoming of all your media attention, aren’t you Red Riot? All your fans think you’re so nice.”

Kirshima’s eyes sweep hungrily up and down the man’s figure. He has a small waist, wide shoulders—not unlike Bakugou, if not a little more willowy in frame—and he looks so soft. His hair is such a gentle shade of blue, with golden brown eyes that Kirishima is certain would look lovely full of tears. “What’s your name?” he purrs to the man, low and inviting.

“Oh, is it working already?” He steps closer, those beautiful eyes full of intrigue and satisfaction. “Tell me, how do you feel?”

Kirishima’s mind shimmers, answering as if the words were coaxed from his mind. “I feel…like I want to fuck you senseless.”

“Perfect.” The mystery man’s eyes sparkles with unrestrained delight, chuckling softly. “Oh you’ll do so nicely, I’m so happy with how this turned out!”

“Tell me your name,” Kirishima asks again, demands, mesmerized as he begins to circle his chair, dragging his fingertips up his arm, making the red-haired hero shudder. His arms flex and the chains clink as the protest the movement; he has to touch this man.

“It’s okay handsome, you wouldn't remember it anyways. Let’s have some fun.”

You stare out the window blankly. It started raining a few minutes ago, or maybe longer than that. Your apartment feels full of people but everything is still too quiet. The TV drones a weather report from the news you refuse to switch away from. 

There's a muttered curse from Bakugou behind you. You turn slowly from the window to look at him.

“It’s been two fuckin’ days.” The blonde has shoved back the chair from the makework dining table and is pacing in his street clothes, dark sweats with the hood pulled over his head so that only a few tufts of his hair poke out.

"Katsuki I'm sure he's fine…"

“The fuck do you know, dunce face—he could be dead.”

“Katsuki—” Mina warns sharply, coming around the corner into the living room with a bowl of popcorn, one of yours and Denki’s many comfort foods. She gives him a pointed glare, glancing at you. You pretend you don’t see it and continue picking at the loose threads of the couch cushion.

“Alright, fuck. Whatever.” Bakugou shoulders his way past her down the hallway. The sound of the kitchen sink turning on alerts you that he hasn’t left the apartment at least.

Everyone from Eijirou’s closest set of friends had gathered in the apartment you shared with him, those that weren’t on duty at least. It’s ironic; Ei moved in with you a few months ago so wouldn’t be alone—and you’re pretty sure they’re all here now for the same reason. You can’t tell which you’d prefer, you’re too numb to decide whether you’d rather fall apart alone or not.

Mina plops down on the couch next to you, rubbing your arm reassuringly. Denki relieves her of the bowl, pulling it into his own lap from where he sits on the floor, his back brushing your legs as he rests against the couch “Your brother is tougher than some mid-level crime syndicate, okay? Even if they still have him, he’s going to be fine. Bakugou’s just an ass when he’s worried.”

“Bakugou’s just an ass,” Denki chimes in through a mouth of popcorn, scrolling on his phone. “Jirou just checked in, still nothing. Said she’s going to run overtime to make sure though.”

“Tell her thank you,” you sigh softly, hugging a throw pillow in your lap and pulling out your phone, hoping beyond hope that there will be some contact from Eijirou. You know if he managed to open communications, it would be a hero agency first—someone who could actually help, not you—but you can’t stop yourself from checking.

You have a message from Sero checking in on you, more apologies from Midoriya despite your assurances that there was nothing he could have done tied up with a bank robbery across town, and other than a few empty notifications and an email from work—nothing. You’re putting the device down when you get a text preview that makes you pause.

>> Got something, you free?

“I’m gonna run to the convenience store real quick, want anything?” You mumble, getting off the couch and pulling your jacket from where you’d tossed it on the ottoman. 

“I’ll come with y—” Mina starts but you cut her off with a quick smile.

“I won’t be long, I just…need a sec, okay?”

“Okay,” she frowns, sitting back against the cushions, “We’ll be here then.”

“I’ll take some chips and soda.”

“‘Kay, ‘Kami. Katsuki, you want anything?” you call down the hallways, shrugging into your jacket. 

“I want my fucking ‘vacation’ to be over! I should be out there.” he barks from the kitchen.

“Not in stock,” you grumble under your breath, dodging his stinkeye as he pops his head out from the kitchen to glare at you and grabbing your keys off the hook. You wince guiltily as the door slams behind you in your haste. His friends are all trying to be there for you in their own way; you're not out to make them uncomfortable.

As soon as you’re clear of the block you pull out your phone and call. It rings twice before picking up. You don’t give him the chance to speak first, “Shinso? What did you find out?”

He doesn’t chide you for your lack of manners, thankfully. He gets right down to business. “Wish I had better news, but he’s with a rough crowd. They don’t have a lot of public coverage, but that’s not particularly a good thing here. The reports I dug up were shoved pretty deep under the books, had to call on a favor or two. They’re pretty fucked up.”

“Oh god,” you breath, stopping in the center of the sidewalk, just out of reach of the next streetlight. When you reached out to him, you knew with his underground work he might have more access to information than the rest of your brother’s friends, but the full reality of that is just beginning to resonate with you.

“Yeah,” Shinso sighs and pauses. “Look, we both know I owe you one but are you sure you want to hear this? We keep this stuff from the civs for a reason. It might be better to wait until—”

“It’s Ei, I have to know,” your voice breaks and for a minute there’s nothing but silence on his end. You can hear him weighing all his options, his reluctance bleeding heavily into the air. You know the stuff he sees on the job is tough to stomach; it’s caused more than enough arguments. But this hollow feeling in your chest won’t let you stand by, so if Shinso is waiting for you to change your mind then he’s out of luck.

“Alright,” he mutters. It’s muffled as if he’s rubbing a palm over his face, and then his throat clears. You start walking again, realizing if you take too long Mina will probably come looking for you. Shinso is in full intel mode, voice steady and informative. Distanced, you realize painfully. “The guy that’s running this thing goes by Cupid. He’s got a wide reach; moves through territory without much trouble and because of that we haven’t gotten a good eye on the guy yet. They haven’t worked out the full details of his quirk. There’s some level of hypnosis involved, but there’s degrees that point to a lust quirk, hence his stupid ass name.” Some of Shinso’s personality shines back in with a barely concealed sneer. “But what’s come up lately is that he’s gotten ahold of some research that’s letting him make his quirk more…accessible.”

“Accessible how?”

“Drugs,” Shinso returns grimly. “He’s managed to replicate his quirk into a drug. The initial effects—euphoria, raised libidio, intemperance—all seem temporary…if the dose is controlled. Based on the movements we have been able to track, it looks he’s trying to get it on the market, but he’s running into problems. We’ve already recovered a couple of his test subjects. They’re still, uh, still being…rehabilitated.”

Dread trickles down your spine. “And you think he’s testing on my brother now?”

“It’s possible,” Shinso says softly, sounding heavily like he doesn’t want to be saying it.

You don’t want to be hearing it. Your feet have already stopped moving without your permission again, the convenience store in view across the street. 

“How long ago were they found?”

“Oh, um…” That question seems to have caught him off guard.

“How long, Hitoshi.”

“Yikes, given names huh? Didn’t know we were back there yet,” Shinso jokes weakly.

“Tell me,” you whisper, throat catching.

Shinso falls silent, his voice gruff when he finally answers. “Few months. There hasn’t been a lot of progress.” 

You phone hangs away from your face in shock, becoming rooted and tense. Months? And they’re still not okay? You’re brother’s strong, tough as hell, but against drugs? That’s a very different thing. You were worried for him before but now you’re terrified. You really might not get your brother back, and if you do he might not be…

Shinso is trying to coax you back to the phone, calling your name until you hear him. “Hey. Look, I know it’s not the best time but if you need me to come over…I will. It doesn’t have to mean anything. You just—this situation isn’t something you can just brush off, you should have someone with you.”

“Ei’s friends are at our old apartment,” you sniffle, trying to keep it together and failing.

“And where are you?” Shinso asks in a gentle tone you recognize, making your heart pang.

“Buying snacks.”

“Get some ice cream, don’t buy any of those energy drinks, and get back. okay? Let them take care of you.” 

“‘Kay.”

You ignore the irony of him telling you not to buy any energy drinks, but you nod despite him being unable to see you and take the monumental effort to begin crossing the street. The florescents from the store hurt your eyes, probably red from crying, but it’s warm inside and familiar, and you just want to get home. You hurry to the shelves and check the time, only just realizing that Shinso hasn’t hung up yet, the call still ticking seconds on your screen. 

“Are you still there?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m good, I’ll be back home in a few minutes—”

“Don’t hang up yet,” Shinso says, sounding hesitant.

You don’t say anything, but you do as he says, stopping to listen. There’s a little puff of air as he releases a sigh.

“He’s one of us, there’s a lot of people working on this,” Shinso encourages you softly. “I’m getting myself put on it too. I won’t stop looking for him, okay?”

Your lips tremble, trying not to burst into tears in the chip aisle. Your voice comes out cracked and hushed from the effort. “Thank you.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“Mhm.”

You finish shopping in a slight daze and make the walk home to find Bakugou waiting for you outside.

“Get what you wanted?” he asks, quiet.

“No,” you whisper. You can’t find it in you to brush past him. All that’s waiting in your apartment is two more heroes who could probably read your face like a book even if they hadn’t grown up with you. 

“Shinso called? Didn’t know you two still talked.” Bakugou quirks an eyebrow as you look at him in surprise. Surprise that quickly morphs right into anger, your eyes starting to burn hot.

“You knew and didn’t tell me?” You only barely stop yourself from yelling.

“Take it down a notch,” he snaps, glaring right back at you. “The prick sent me a text before you got back. The fuck you think I’m waiting out here for, huh? Are you okay or fucking not?”

“No!” you wail, throwing the bag at him. Bakugou’s scowl deepens but he doesn’t flinch, the snacks hitting the pavement dully. “What part am I supposed to be okay about? My brother is missing, and he isn’t safe! Katsuki they might destroy him, he might not– might never—” Your voice dissolves into a wet sob and you crumble into his chest when Bakugou steps forward and yanks you roughly into a hug. He tucks your head into the crook of his arm and lets you cry, lets you clutch at him for stability, releasing all the pent-up stress that you haven’t been able to let out since Kirishima’s agency contacted you two days ago. 

“What if he’s not Ei anymore? Katsuki, what if they break him?” you finally whisper, hugging him tighter.

His heartbeat is steady and fierce in your ear; his voice is a dangerous rumble against your cheek. 

“I’ll kill them.”

[the-girl-who-flies]

It Was a Bad Idea, pt. 3

Pt I  Pt II

***

To say that civilian life is an adjustment is a bit of an understatement. Besides going to all his medical appointments, picking up groceries and resupplying the bathroom cabinet with about a dozen different prescription meds, Jason has no idea what to do with himself. He ends up buying a Playstation 2 with his second benefits check and a copy of Grand Theft Auto III. The game helps him fill up the hours of the day for a couple of weeks, then he buys another. And another. Before he knows it there’s a whole stack of them on the living room shelf of his one-bedroom rental apartment. Most are something like sports or action, or fighting ones where the characters are all funny-looking and throw around crazy moves and energy attacks that look like fireworks. He steers clear of horror and shooters; they’re the wrong kind of stimuli, his shrink says, may bring up recent trauma. Jason doesn’t exactly need to be told that. He’s just looking for something to disappear into for most of the day. And sometimes a good part of the night.

The nightmares are fucking relentless, and they don’t even make sense most of the time: inhuman screeches echoing down stone corridors, familiar in their blood-curdling symphony, mix with something that sounds a lot like the music from that space console - a haunting alien chorus that makes his very bones vibrate, growing in intensity until it pushes out every conscious thought. He stands trapped in it, like a statue, while the flying creatures swarm him, only to be engulfed in a bright blue light that burns away everything, including him. He wakes up with phantom pain all over his body.  Where does it come from, he doesn’t know. Another mystery for his neurologist.

Sometimes his nightmares are less surreal and simply present him with all the ways he could’ve failed down there. Barely making it to rescue Nicky turns into finding his lifeless corpse at the feet of the undead warrior, who proceeds to snap Eric’s neck like a twig while Jason watches helplessly. Rachel gets left behind, trapped in a cocoon. Merwin dies a dozen different deaths, screaming in terror and agony. Joey claws and snaps his teeth at his throat and curses Jason for abandoning him, and Clarice just stares, her dark eyes standing out prominently against her unnaturally pale face, and silently begging him to save her. Jason shoots her dead. That last one isn’t even made up, that’s just something his brain likes to remind him of.

Sometimes, he dreams he doesn’t come back for Salim, and the man dies telling him he should’ve never trusted Jason. He wakes up feeling like his soul’s been snapped in half. The cocktail of drugs he takes is supposed to knock him out for a solid eight hours of steady, dreamless sleep, but it’s doing a shit fucking job. Jason’s pretty tempted to take a half a dozen extra of those little pills and wash them down with some cheap scotch, but he’s stopped by the prospect of potentially drowning in his own vomit. If anything, because he doesn’t want to scar his landlady; she’s actually nice to him.

“Jason?”

“Mmh?”

“I said ‘What are you up to’?”

It takes him a moment to come back to the present and realize what exactly it is he’s doing with the phone in his hand; Nick’s on the other line waiting for an answer because that’s how conversations work, of course.

“Not much.”

“Cool. So listen, me and Rach are gonna be in town next week. I was thinking we could… get together for coffee?”

Jason puts the phone on speaker, turns the volume on the TV way down and unpauses the game. Might as well, if Nick is feeling chatty.

“Coffee?” he says, not bothering to mask his mocking tone. “Is that what we do now?”

“Why not?”

“Well, for one, ‘cause I can’t drink coffee anymore without getting a fucking seizure.” It’s not exactly true, but he wants the conversation to be over quickly.

“Oh. Okay. Well, how about tea?”

“Is there any particular reason you’re pitching brunch ideas?”

“Because you’re my friend and I haven’t seen you in a while?”

There ain’t much to see, says that ever so helpful little voice in his head. 

“Look, I appreciate the concern, but you guys don’t need to go out of your way to check up on me. Just trust me when I say that I’m fine. And say hi to Rachel for me.”

“Jason--”

A part of him feels bad about hanging up on Nicky; the rest of him is too numb to care. 

He turns the volume on the game back up.

[okaywa]

Aye yo it's ya boi, uhh Oikawa simp. could I get Oikawa and Suga reacting to seeing their s/o(female) getting into a fight and wiping the floor with the person they're fighting? In a drabble form if that's ok! Thank youuu!

 Why is your brain so fucking massive yes you can ily 

TW: mentions of attempted drugging (In Suga’s part)

Oikawa

Your reputation around the school was... infamous, to put it in nicer terms. Sometime during elementary you had been pulled out halfway through third year and disappeared until you popped back up during the second year of high school. A plethora of rumors swirled through the school about your mysterious disappearance and reappearance and were especially concentrated towards your appearance. Piercings and tattoos were generally frowned down upon but to have them in high school? A gossip worthy scandal. The student body was shocked, to say the least. 

And then for Oikawa to start dating you? Ah, there were nearly riots. His fanbase was appalled, why would their idol date some gangster wannabe? 

He didn't believe any of the rumors really, after all the school wouldn't allow someone who regularly beat up old people for money in class. Yes, people said that. And no, you did not beat up old people. 

Honestly, he thought your piercings and tattoos were extremely attractive. Also, he liked that you didn't take anyones shit. He assumed you were just gruff and would never actually beat someone up for bumping into you in the hallway, another popular rumor. Besides, once he had gotten to know you he discovered that you were one of the sweetest people he'd ever met. You just happened to like piercings and tattoos, nothing more. He’d seen you catch a spider with a tissue and set it outside rather than just squish it.  

-

“What are you? Part of the yakuza?” The guy sneered, leaning into your face. Ugh, garlic breath.

You stared back coolly. “Care to find out?”

You weren’t.

“Is that a challenge?” He scoffed. “Sorry, but I don't fight little girls.”

You smiled pleasantly. “Oh, of course not. It would be mortifying to get your ass beat by one, too. I don't think your reputation would ever recover.”

“Excuse me?”

Oikawa heard the commotion from the other end of the hall and noticed a large crowd outside of the lunchroom. He hoped Iwaizumi wasn't starting more shit with the soccer guys so he started pushing through the crowd to go break it up. 

“You fucking bitch!” 

He shoved the last person aside just in time to see you land a punch right on some guys nose. He was so dumbfounded he couldn't even move as he watched you easily dodge one, two sloppy punches. You grabbed his arm after the second punch, using his own weight to throw him off balance and drive your knee into his gut. He choked and fell to his knees, wheezing to try to catch his breath. 

You stood over him for a moment, examining your knuckles with disinterest. 

“Your face broke me favorite ring,” you sighed. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” The guy, a third year Oikawa realized, cupped his profusely bleeding nose. 

“What?” You crooned. “I thought you didn't fight little girls?”

“Fuck you,” he snarled, moving to get up again. 

Oikawa was finally shook out of his stupor and shoved the guy back down to his knees. 

“Hey, she already made a fool of you,” he snapped, looking up in time to see a teacher grab you. 

You grinned at him, letting the teacher drag you off to the office. 

“We’re still getting dinner tonight, right?” You called. 

Oikawa nodded shallowly, still too bewildered with what he just witnessed to form a proper response. Also, he was pretty sure he had a few new kinks to explore. 

Suga 

“I’ll be right back, I'm gonna get another drink.”

Suga tilted his head closer to you so he could hear you over the music, nodding in confirmation. He watched you push through the crowd, taking a sip of his own drink. The house party was alright, a little obnoxious but that was to be expected when you mix college kids and copious amounts of alcohol. He’d prefer not to be here with you just because of the not-so-subtle looks you kept getting from other guys but he stamped that instinct down viciously. 

Frowning, Suga craned his neck around to try to find you. It had been ten minutes since you walked off and he had a nagging feeling something wasn’t right. He pushed away from the wall he was leaning against and started towards the kitchen. 

The first thing he noticed was the sound of glass shattering and a collective ‘ohh’ rippling through the crowd. 

“Excuse me,” he said loudly, shoving through. 

Two bodies crashed down at his feet and he jumped back, then jolted again when he realized you had just tackled another girl to the floor. The other girl landed a solid hit to your face, which only served to make you angrier. You slammed her down by her shoulders and straddled her torso, ignoring her pummels against your arms.

“I fucking saw what you did,” you gritted out, punching her once in the nose. “You think that shits okay?”

“Y/n!” Suga exclaimed, wrapping his arms around your middle to pull you off, not fast enough to stop you from hitting her twice more. “What the hell?” You're thrashing in his arms, still trying to get at the girl. It took all of his strength to drag you away and into an emptier room. He forced you to sit on a couch and tilt your head back to stop your nose bleed. 

“What the fuck just happened?” He asked. 

You glared at your bruised knuckles before shaking the sting out of them. 

“Y/n,” Suga grabbed your shoulder.

“She put something in a guys drink,” you huffed. “I asked her what she was doing and she got all defensive so I knew it wasn't something good. Shit escalated and she swung first.”

You gestured to your bloody nose, where she had hit you. 

Suga can't help but smile. “Well then I’m glad you beat her ass.”

“Oh, yeah?” You laughed, wiping the blood away. “You got some weird kink you haven't told me about, Koushi?”

He flushed. “I mean... that was pretty hot.” You blinked in surprise. “Seriously?”

He shrugged, grinning. “Let’s get out of here and get some ice on your knuckles.”

“And a cheeseburger.” You declared.

“And a cheeseburger, you earned it,” Suga agreed, pulling you up. 

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 1 of Season 1

"We Only See Each Other At Weddings and Funerals”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it's funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂️ In the Pilot script, it has a woman giving birth to a baby boy in Poland in 1984 (potentially Five or maybe even Luther??) 

☂️ “Picture Book” is an absolute bop and no one can tell me otherwise

☂️ What if someone saw this parade of carriages and noticed that there were seven? Later Reginald announces that he adopted 6 kids, so I wonder if anyone saw the carriages earlier and heard Reginald's announcement and became confused

☂️ The concert hall in the Pilot script is in New York, which I assume is safe to assume in NYC. The script also mentions later that Diego drops the monocle in the Hudson River

☂️ The Pilot script originally had Allison in LA, and Klaus in Amsterdam (which he was supposed to be levitating in that scene)

☂️ Diego was originally supposed to be pretty brutal and violent

☂️ I am a huge POTO fan so having a medley of the songs from the musical is so awesome to hear. The first time I watched this episode and heard the violin starting to play, I was like “Huh, this really sounds like POTO” and then I realized it was! It gave me chills and still does to this day overtime I watch this scene

☂️ The dark and mysterious tones of POTO really matches the vibes of TUA well. It’s just so good, especially as a way to introduce Vanya. The first song Vanya plays is “Phantom of the Opera” which is a nice symbolism when introducing the Hargreeves Siblings. The song itself is Christine discovering who her true Angel of Music is, a strange masked man that everyone knows well but they truly don’t know who he really is, like with the Umbrellas and their separate personalities and struggles as actual human beings and not just as the superheroes the public knows them as. It also plays while showing Diego, who is a mysterious masked figure at that point. 

☂️ “Angel of Music” is basically Christine asking her angel to guide her, which is ironic that it plays while Klaus is getting out of a place that guides him down the right path, knowing that he’s immediately going to go do drugs again and to go down the “wrong” path

☂️ I wonder if the voice in Luther’s spacesuit as he receives his message is an automated voice or his robot named “Ben” like in the comics. I doubt it’s the latter, but who knows

☂️ Okay, here’s another POTO thing. Diego picks up his knife and wipes the blood off of it and tells the family “Your family is safe now” right as the start of “Think of Me” plays. The first lyrics of the song are “Think of me, think of me fondly” which can be seen as Diego wants the family to truly view him as a hero that saved them

☂️ Aaaand here’s another! Again, while “Think of Me” is playing, one of the parts in the song where Raoul sings “Long ago, it seems so long ago, how young and innocent we were” plays while the paparazzi begins questioning Allison about her father and siblings

☂️ Okay okay, last POTO thing. I especially love that "Music of the Night" plays when Klaus wakes up in the ambulance at night. It's so awesome! Especially since the song is basically about giving into your darkest desires, which Klaus clearly did

 ☂️ Goddamn is the music in the show amazing, and I’m not just talking about all of the fun lyrical songs! Jeff Russo you get a thumbs up from me

☂️ Ta-da! Here’s some portraits that are shown of the siblings with Reginald when they were young that are shown in the show

☂️ Even the first person Vanya sees when she arrives home doesn’t greet her/welcome her back 

☂️ Emmy and Elliot really played that awkward hug and greeting between Allison and Vanya well. You can feel the awkward tension (hey sisters)

☂️ According to the pilot script, Diego wears his mask practically all the time like in the comics

☂️ Luther was literally supposed to have a gorilla body in the pilot script

☂️ “Oh, YoU gOt BiG, lUtHeR”

☂️ Godddd the song playing while Vanya looks at the books on the shelf in including her own is 👌

☂️ Ah, there’s a book called “Lunar Living”

☂️ It might just be me, but it seems like the light shining onto Five’s portrait is ever so slightly askew

☂️ Vanya leaving the lights on and sandwiches for Five reminds me of someone leaving food outside for a stray cat

☂️ Five was originally supposed to be gone for over 22 years in the pilot script

☂️ I wonder at what point in each of the siblings’ lives did they realize, or at least they thought, their brother wouldn’t be coming home 

☂️ Babies 

☂️ There’s so many ape and monkey pictures and diagrams around Reginald’s office. Foreshadowing for Luther?

☂️ I love Klaus’s theme. It’s heard in almost every episode https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJa9H8SY4wQ&list=OLAK5uy_k2NJivpu0PIwxrOmPVrqN4umBZaahOGWI&index=6

☂️ Why does Reginald have two pictures of himself featuring aircraft? In one of them he’s outside a private jet and the other is him inside a cockpit

☂️ I must say that the dialogue in the pilot script definitely closely mirrors the dialogue of the comics 

☂️ “Told me I should be careful who to trust” 👀

☂️ Something behind Elliot is moving

☂️ I was hoping for this to be a gazelle of some sort above Five’s portrait, but It’s an Gemsbok. However, the Gemsbok is an antelope and all gazelles are antelopes

☂️ “The Walker” playing during the bank robbery scene is 👌👌

☂️ Luther is ready to throw hands

☂️ These robbers really decided to rob a bank at 10:05 am?

☂️ I just love Five popping out of nowhere criss-cross applesauce 

☂️ Something that hasn’t been explained/fully shown is Five’s ability to teleport objects. He teleported the gun out of the guy’s hand and replaced it with a stapler

☂️ Five’s teleportation noise reminds me of something going really fast, like an aircraft breaking the sound barrier. It’s almost like a mini sonic boom, but not as loud

☂️ Okay so I’ve noticed this in most of the episodes, but I don’t think when Five teleports he makes an actual noise. I’ll point this out more as we continue through the episodes. At the bank scene when Five is on the counter, it appears that the first time he teleports the bank robber whips around when Five speaks. The second time the robber turns to Five simply because he doesn’t know where he went and he’s searching for the threat

☂️ “That’s one badass stApler”

☂️ When Ben asks if he has to go into the Vault, he looks at Klaus for reassurance even though Luther is the one speaking to him

☂️ Five was still pretty cocky back in his youth. They, or more like Ben, have more bad guys to take care of and he’s just chilling with his hands in his pockets and leaning back/slouching like he’s bored. His tone with the robber also proves that and the way he just happily bounds out of the bank

☂️ Sir, why are you looking at the camera

☂️ Luther’s little wave to the reporters when the Umbrellas come out of the bank is cute

☂️ The pilot script didn’t include a flashback of a bank robbery, but instead to the Umbrellas training when they were younger. There’s too much to screenshot to I’ll summarize it.

-Luther bench-presses over 500 lbs

-Diego has been holding his breath for about six hours and he flips Reginald off

-Klaus levitates stuff

-Allison is slacking off and when Reginald tells her to continue her training she simply rumors him that she doesn’t have to

-Ben is fighting guards and Reginald calls him “Number Six” to which Vanya, who isn’t supposed to be down there, corrects him that his name is Ben and reminds Reginald that they have names

- Five very quickly and quite brutally rips off the heads and limbs of training dummies, snaps their necks, and stabs them. He is referred to as “A ruthless little war machine.” Reginald calls him “Perfect”

☂️ The pilot script implies that Reginald had alien life mounted on the walls of his office

☂️ There wasn’t a dance scene in the pilot script

☂️ Not to get super into detail about this, but Luther’s room is filled with a lots of models and paintings of aircraft, mainly from WWII. Almost all of them are of Allied aircraft, and more specifially Commonwealth aircraft, like the RCAF. So this could be more of a clue to the Umbrellas living in Canada

☂️ Diego giving that Wildebeest head the stink eye aways makes me laugh

☂️ Klaus is dancing with Reggie’s urn in a Waltz fashion, so maybe he’s just doing that or it’s the ballroom dancing lessons they received as children peeing through

☂️ I love Diego’s dancing skills

☂️ Fuck you Five for ruining their dance party

☂️ Honestly Five’s portal is pretty powerful. Here’s a description of it from the pilot script

☂️ I like that when Luther tells everyone to get behind him and Diego copies him with “Yeah, get behind us” Luther lets his brother use himself as a shield instead be pulling the “I’m the leader, I’m the strongest” card

☂️ When Luther and Diego are shielding their siblings, Diego has his arm stretched out to guard Vanya

☂️ In the pilot script Five’s body is smoking when he comes out of the portal

☂️ What if when Five fell out of the portal he got knocked out so he just laid face down on the ground unconscious aksdhfjsafhd

☂️ “So are we gonna talk about what just happened?” No bitch, let him make his sammie first

☂️ Diego and Klaus had some sort of bet on Five’s time traveling in the pilot script

☂️ Here’s another example of Five’s teleportation possibly not making noise. When he teleports around while his siblings are questioning him, it looks like they only look at him when he appears and not when they hear a noise

☂️ Five in the pilot script is actually 62

☂️ “What part of the future do you not understand?”

☂️ I like that Five styled his hair to the exact style it was when he was actually young, but eventually gets looser throughout the season

☂️ Five is so oddly calm when talking to Vanya in front of his portrait

☂️ “Well, there are worse things that can happen.” “You mean like what happened to Ben?” Yeah there’s also an apocalypse on the way lol

☂️ Five actually got a hug in the pilot script! 

☂️ An ironic moment from the pilot script considering that Five is an assassin and has killed tons of people but this siblings don’t know that

☂️ When Diego is talking about their names and numbers in the courtyard, Five sighs, which I’m sure he’s just bored/has better places to be and is annoyed, but I’d like to view it as “Shit, I don’t even have a name”

☂️ Funny tidbit from the pilot script during the funeral scene “Whatever the hell you are”

☂️ Diego talks about how he assumed Reginald sent Luther to the moon because he couldn’t stand the sight of him, so he must be talking about Luther being like a “failed” leader or something? Like he couldn’t keep the team/his siblings together? Diego doesn’t know about his ape-like body so he’s not thinking about that.....

☂️ I love that Klaus reaches his arm out to guard Five, and that Five simply glares at him and bats his arm away

☂️ When Luther broke Ben’s statue, I can just imagine Ben yelling at Klaus “Seriously? Klaus, why didn’t you stop them?”

☂️ So I’m sure this is just a continuation error, but you can’t see Five walking away in the shot of Ben’s statue hitting the ground. Considering that he had just left, he should still be visible in the background. Again, probably a continuation error or maybe he even teleported inside

☂️ A detail I love about Luther is that his fingernails are dark due to the gorilla DNA

☂️ The bank robbery scene in the pilot script is after the funeral. Not much was changed for the actual first episode, just a few different scenes. Also the Umbrellas were described as gods

☂️ Vanya drawing the tattoo on her wrist hurts my heart

☂️ “Together, you will stand against the reign of evil” gives me chills 

☂️ “This is your home and always will be” is great foreshadowing to S3, and hurts my heart when I think about how it is in fact no longer their home

☂️ When I first watched this episode and saw Pogo watching Vanya I knew something was pretty sus

☂️ Just some gold dialogue from the pilot script during the scene of Five, Allison, and Klaus in the kid area and Five is complaining about coffee (but in the pilot script everyone but Vanya is there)

☂️ “An entire square block. Forty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms” goddamn the Academy is HUGE. Also 42 is just one away from being 43 👀

☂️ “I know how to do everything.” Yeah, like survive an apocalypse and professionally kill people :]

☂️ I’ve pointed this out before, but the license plate on the car that Five takes to Griddy’s says HERMES, which is the license plate of his car in the comics

☂️ The exit sign in the background is only half lit up to where it says EX and if my memory serves me correctly that’s the door Vanya and Leonard enter the Academy through in episode 6

☂️ Diego telling Klaus to lean back is like “Ugh I don’t want him with me, but safety first”

☂️ I love that they added his feral chimpanzee smile from the pilot script into he show

☂️ “You won’t be going home.” Cocky smartass strikes again. Not to mention he smiles when he says that. He also says this to the men before he kills them in the pilot script

☂️ Before I even knew about TUA, I had heard of the “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” scene and looked it up. I remember thinking “Wow, that kid is scary.” Now I think “Wow, that old man is scary.”

☂️ I love the little salute he does before he blinks away, and the way his basically just plays with these men like a cat playing with its prey. He knows he’s going to kill them, but he wants to have fun doing so

☂️ Five had some fancy moves in the pilot script

☂️ Five teleporting his tie around the man’s neck is another example of him teleporting an object. Can we see more of this actually happen in S3 please?? I also love the fact that he takes it off the man’s body and puts it back on

☂️ The way he calmly, or tiredly, snaps the man’s neck is chilling to see from a child’s body. This was also included in the pilot script *chanting* Feral Five, Feral Five, Feral Fi-

☂️ It’s honestly such a cool and iconic scene on the show. It truly shows that Five is fully capable of handling himself, and is/was great at his job

☂️ Having the city at night in the background of Diego dropping the monocle is really pretty

☂️ I really like the way they revealed Ben. Having watched both season and now watching this scene again is a bit awkward when Ben doesn’t talk. He’s probably just tired of Klaus 

☂️ “The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it.” This line combined with the music and the previous scene of Five in the apocalypse is powerful and chilling and I love it

☂️ I love that they have The Umbrella Academy theme playing during the credits in both seasons

-------

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

[dimonds456]

What was “A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak” Really About?

What was Zach Callison’s A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak really about?

Hey all you people out there! How are you surviving quarantine? I had a bunch of spare time, and so I decided to write an essay that focuses on Zach Callison’s album, A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak. The album has been out for a while, but most people either only know Interlude IV or are really confused about the story it tells. I think I’ve finally got an answer, and I wanted to share it with you all.

If you’re only here to better understand Interlude IV, you can skip down there if you want, but you’ll still be pretty confused. Besides, you should listen to the rest of the album. The whole thing bops. 

Personal favorite song is Phantom Love, but I’m pretty sure no one cares about that.

Anyways, on to the show! One song at a time, in order.

WARNING: REALLY, REALLY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT!!

Phantom Love

Phantom Love sets up the whole story for us. Juanita is Zach’s old GF, who appears to only have dated him so she could get ideas for a music album she was writing. However, she had no ideas and/or is a masochist, and so wanted to get Zach to either break up with her, do something horrible to her, or just create drama in general she could write about. Whatever happens happens, and she is successful. 

Juanita seems to be suffering from some form of depression, but whether that’s actually the case or she, again, just wanted something to write about is up for debate. But either way, it’s hinted at several times that she slit her wrists and other self-harm-inducing activities. 

Many people follow her- she seems to be popular enough (which makes sense, due to the album being about two celebrities dating each other, just like Zach’s irl relationship). However, she has two different faces- her showbiz the-cameras-are-on face and her real face. Zach seems to have the same thing, as hinted at in She Don’t Know, but we’re not there yet. Point is, Juanita used Zach to try and get a tragedy out of the whole deal.

It was a phantom love- it never existed. 

“Made me promise I would never break your heart

How was I to know that’s what you wanted from the start?”

Both people got into Hollywood from a young age and grew up with it, and so were surrounded by drama constantly. This takes a toll on Zach, but he tries to deal with it whereas Juanita actively wants to partake in it. She causes drama- little triggers to get him to snap- until one day, he does.

Interlude I - Frantically

This one is pretty straight-forward. After the two break up, it’s the perfect excuse for Juanita to start spreading rumors and stirring tension. She’s quick to make Zach out to be the bad guy, when in actuality, he was the one who was being loyal in their relationship.

We’re clued in that these rumors aren’t true from one line: “I heard he got fired from that cartoon he does. (Nooo wayyy…)” We, as the audience, know for a fact he didn’t, but things get shaky as we realize that some of them are also true. 

“I heard he does coke now and, like, screams a lot.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

[laughter]

Zach overhears them talking about them and runs away, going off somewhere to be alone. Once he’s alone, we get the disturbing audio of him sniffing some drugs, implying that he actually does, indeed, do coke.

DISCLAIMER: Irl Zach Callison did NOT turn to drugs! It’s a metaphor for how many people he knows who have decided to do so, and so he;s aware of what it does to one’s mind. Don’t worry; Zach is okay in that department.

She Don't Know

After gaining the following knowledge, this song is easier to understand. Zach really did love Juanita, and he misses her, even though he knows at this point that she used and abused him. 

“There ain’t no drug in all the world like loving you

Cocaine and cigarettes will have to do

Won’t somebody save me? My heart’s beating outta m’ chest

I just wanna hold you with those hands I once possessed.”

Juanita isn’t aware of the effect she had on him, and he laments this quite strongly (hence the title). Once she had her heartbreak, she ran off, leaving a broken lover behind. 

Trigger warning: there are hints of suicidal thoughts in this song. They get more prominent as the album goes on, which becomes important later. This is where we really start seeing them, though.

“F***ed up on my bedroom floor

And my first thought’s ‘let’s do some more’

They say it all kills for thrills

And I hope it does!

Can you hear me, love?”

He speaks about “where did I go” later on, meaning that he is losing himself/doesn’t feel like himself. He still wants to be with her, and her absence has utterly destroyed him. He’s still in love with her, and wants her to know that. However, Juanita doesn’t give a bat of the eye in his direction, only caring that she now had the material she needed to write her album.

Interlude II - Christie Only Knows

Here, we are introduced to Zach’s make-believe sister, Christie. Only she is aware that he is going through this, and we find out quickly that she isn’t supportive.

“It’s getting late now, but to me, it’s just beginning

‘Cuz life’s tearing me to pieces and I know I’ve been defeated

Oh, no

And Christie only knows.

Never seen someone like this before

An eight-ball power on the floor

And I’m staring at the ceiling 

Wondering if the reaper’s close

But Christie only knows

That there ain’t no drug in all the world like being you

\Glory on the silver screen just had to do

Won’t somebody save me? I am screaming out of breath

And my shadow, he’s holding a gun…

With those hands that I once possessed…”

This is the only time I’ll put all the lyrics in here, I swear. However, this one is important as it paves the way to Nightmare, bridging the gap between the two moods. She Don’t Know is angry, stressed, unsure, and frustrated, whereas Nightmare is just… depression. Interlude II is the middle ground, showing us that once Zach got all that off his chest, he feels… numb. He doesn’t know what to do. 

Now, who exactly is Christie? I don’t think she really exists, in the context of the album, that is. I believe that Christie is someone he’s hallucinating, an embodiment of all his most negative thoughts, sugarcoated into something pretty and worth listening to. We’ll explore her character later on in Interlude IV - Showtime, but for now, what you need to know is that his suicidal thoughts are getting more and more intense now that she’s here.

A sister is someone who you’re bonded to, whether it be in blood, relationship, or cause. In this case, I think it’s more relationship. She is telling him to let go, to accept that things are this way and won’t get better. It’d be easier to end it. And Zach is listening to her. We know this because of the line “And my shadow, he’s holding a gun with those hands that I once possessed…” He is seriously thinking about it, and the fact that it’s his shadow shows that the thought is always in the back of his mind. The same thoughts that led him to love Juanita are now ready to kill him- those same, once-steady hands he used to hold her with. And he’s done. He’s holding on by a thread.

Nightmare

This song is told in the 3rd person as Zach really explains what he’s been going through each and every day that lead him to this fateful decision to end it. He is done. He’s decided it. 

Every day, he cries. He hates himself, he hates looking at himself, he hates all of it. 

“Prosecutor at his own trial, 

The floor below him becomes so fertile 

by his very own vile, Nile, and exile source 

By the pitter-patter of his tears on the bathroom tile… 

...you’re nothing more than your feelings 

from your floors to your ceilings 

and out the all-bloodshot ocular faucets… 

Boy vs brain, white noise vs the sane, 

always vs the same, cries for help exclaim 

that he’s beyond repair. He’ll swear, he’ll despair, he’ll stare 

straight ahead in the mirror at the source of his waking nightmare.”

There’s an instrumental break, during which he says “Are you writing this down, Christie? Yeah…” This shows that he’s lamenting to himself, as again, Christie doesn’t really exist. He’s venting to her, jotting down everything that’s wrong with him.

This tells me that he’s writing a note. He is telling someone where he’s going and why he did what he’s about to do. Remember, Christie is in Zach’s head, and so if she is writing this down, that means that Zach is writing this down. His worst, most negative thoughts are writing all this down, showing him that this was the right decision. This will end all his suffering, and whoever reads the note will understand and be happy for him. This was his solution.

“He’s standing on a bluff overlooking the city

The city’s biggest bluff is making itself look so pretty

He tells himself to be tough, isolated and gritty

But gritty’s kinda hard when his brain’s run by committee”

This is how he decides to die. Now with a gunshot like Interlude II hinted at. He is willing to jump for it.

Look at the album cover. Did he go for it? I don’t think so, but we’ll get to that.

The song concludes with him saying this:

“So who do I speak of and why is he grey?

He rejects all his love, see the prices he pays

To his vices he caves, in a crisis of fates

No tragic history, only a mystery 

So I say to you, ‘who?’

Why don't’cha tell me?”

This is him confirming to us, the audience, that this is Zach’s character speaking about himself. He’s been hinting and clueing at us to this song all along, and now he is making sure that we know what’s going on in his head. He’s ready to end it. 

His love for Juanita broke his heart so severely that it left him broken and bruised beyond repair. And if you can’t fix it, it’s time to throw it away.

So he heads back out to the bluff to jump.

Interlude III - Second Thoughts

He’s standing on a bluff overlooking the city. The bluff’s height is making itself not so pretty. Is this being tough? Or just being petty? But petty’s not likely, it’s a selfish, single entity…

Doe she really want to do this? Looking down, Zach thinks about what made him come here. The drugs? They’re messing him up. He’s aware of it, he’s been aware of it. Would jumping be giving in to their influence? Or Juanita’s? 

“We put his record on until he’s bleeding on the needle

And he’s weeping in the street

Cut down on his curtain call

That’s where he’s gonna sleep.”

Standing on top of the bluff now, he looks down onto the road. He can see that there is where he could die, but he’s suddenly not so sure. The idea just slammed into him, reality slapping him in the face. “Do you really want to do this?” 

“Take aim with these hands he once possessed

A dozen roses on the pavement laid the rest

Oh, my dear sister Christie, will I feel some remorse?

She says ‘no, pull the trigger, ‘cuz he’s left us no recourse.

His brain has a sickness, so kill it at the source.’”

He steps closer. He can see, in his mind, the image of his dead body lying on the road, forever resting. But, was that the right call? To just throw in the towel like that? So, in true metaphorical fashion, he turns and asks Christie. His inner demons. They’ve been straight with him before, right? And, of course, they say “yes, go for it.”

But Zach still isn’t sure.

I believe he backs off for now, leading the way to Curtain Call.

Curtain Call

This is where it really starts to get difficult when it comes to dissecting this album, and from here on out, I guarantee that I got things wrong. However, stay with me, because I’m open to and want to discuss what everyone else thinks it all could mean. I’m going to share my ideas, and if you have a better one, tell me and I can either agree or argue it with you. Point is, like English class (in high school), if you have the evidence to back it up, you’re not wrong. Let’s have a serious discussion about this.

On with the show! Now, it appears as though Zach is arguing with himself in this one, one wanting to show people that he’s hurt so he can get help- the side that wants to live- but on the other hand, his other half knows that there’s nothing they can do if he does. He’d just weigh them all down. Because all of him agrees that he’s useless and hopeless. 

He sends up a prayer (I think Zach is Christian, so this makes sense), asking for, basically, karma of some kind. He’s done feeling this way, and wants it to stop. So he asks for “some price to pay,” hoping that there’s a solution, but knowing that the solution isn’t going to be handed to him on a silver platter. He’d need to work to get better, and this is him saying that he’s willing to do that. He WANTS to live, but he’s just not sure he can anymore. And that’s his main argument. Can he do this? Was it even worth it?

Obviously, with Zach being a famous actor (both irl and in the album), he has a double life. One is bringing joy to others, while the other is a constant internal struggle. The world is a stage, and at this point, Zach is basically admitting- through metaphors- that he has been acting. Pretending. 

Consider this lyric, put there- side by side- very intentionally:

“I find that I’m anything but fine.

No, I’m okay. Oh please just look away!”

It’s all a mask. And it’s one he’s tired of wearing. Notice how tired he sounds when he sings those lines. He’s done. He’s been done.

“Bourbon to kill my pain

Curtains to hold my shame

No, they can’t look away

Cannot contain my rage…”

These lines are telling us that people around Zach have started to notice that he’s off, but he wants to believe that he’s okay, that he’ll be okay. So he continues his career (“curtains to hold my shame”), even though it’s hurting him to do so at that point. And people are starting to notice. And that’s making him frustrated. At himself. At them. He’s tired. Let him rest. He just wants to rest and forget. Bourbon, alcohol, kill the pain. Make it go away so they can’t see. But they already see. The mask is old and withering in decay.

Towards the end, Zach’s voice becomes more echoey and distant (discluding the Italian that I have no hope of understanding, which is why I’ve yet to mention it). This shows that he’s distancing himself, running away, if you will.

Running back to the bluff.

And this time, he jumps.

Interlude IV - Showtime

Okay, meme time. This is the one everyone knows. However, we are not going to be talking about a Connverse fight that honestly makes no sense given the limited context of the song (as cool as those animatics are). We will be talking about, however, Zach facing and challenging his inner demons. Christie does not exist. Why should she rule over his life?

Let’s break this one down, since this one is the hardest to fit into the story.

He jumps, but survives the fall. Maybe dazed, maybe broken. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe this song IS the dream. We can’t be sure. Everything is metaphorical in this one. Perhaps he didn’t jump at all. We can’t be sure.

Christie congratulates him. She tells him that he’s free. He did the right thing, and now it was just the two of them. They could do whatever they wanted without feeling so weighed down!

Zach disagrees, coming to a realization.

He jumped. Christie had said that it’d make everything okay again, that it’d be bliss. Well, he jumped, and it wasn’t. It was worse. He felt anger and fear, and this leads him to finally, for once, counter her. 

“The world is ours!”

“No it isn’t.”

“Get in the car.”

“This isn’t finished.”

“...What?”

She’s shocked that Zach openly argues with her, and as their bickering goes on (which I’m sure a lot of you reading this can hear perfectly in your heads, so I won’t write the exact lyrics down), Zach gains more confidence. He accuses her of murdering him. “And they’ll all think that it was suicide, but Christie, I know that it was you inside.” Remember, she’s not real and therefore didn’t really “kill” him, but he blames her as he allowed her to control and manipulate him. 

Christie is shocked, stating that everything she did, she did to comfort him. ”I saved him! I held him ‘til the moment he [Zach’s “innocence”] died!”) However, Zach realizes what she really is now, and decides that enough is enough. (“You choked him out of his goddamn mind! Promised the world to him, a goddamn lie!”) He knows what she is, and won’t let himself be manipulated by her again. 

Now, the whole time, they’re talking about someone who is dead. Who is that someone? Zach. However, it’s all a metaphor. When Zach jumped, a part of him died. The last of his humanity? His sanity? I think his “innocence,” which I say in quotes because I’m sure there’s a better word for it out there somewhere. He’s done being blind to the truth, blindly following Christie around. The part of him that was naive enough to do that, to listen to her influence and complain about the world, is gone. He’s dead.

And that means Zach isn’t taking anymore s***. 

C: “I won’t help you take [Juanita] down.”

Z: “Fine. I’LL DO IT BY MYSELF!”

C: “You don’t need it!”

Z: “Oh, I know that I need it.”

C: “She’s been gone for years, I know you can beat it!”

Z: “Oh, look in the mirror, you know we both fear her…

But you let me kill him, you’re WORSE than Juanita!”

Juanita herself never killed him. She never physically harmed him, not in any way that counts here. However, Christie did. She pushed and pushed him, taking a fragile boy and breaking him even more. Zach is now his own worst enemy, not Juanita, and this is him realizing it. But he doesn’t want to be his own enemy.

C: “I won’t help you take her down.”

Christie doesn’t want Zach to face her, because she knows that that would be him really facing his demons and starting down the path to healing. Juanita is Zach’s biggest obstacle, aside from himself. He has to face himself first, and that’s why this song is so powerful. Zach is taking a step back and realizing what he has to do, who he is, and why things are like this.

Z: “Oh, look in the mirror, you know we both fear her. 

We’re one and the same, we’re afraid to be near her!”

There’s that mirror metaphor again, except that he’s not looking at himself with hatred; he’s looking at himself with understanding (and a side of hatred). He’s ready to face her. He’s ready to get everything to stop.

“1, 2, 3, 4

Is this what love is really for? 

Is this all I get for being yours?

The kid in front of me in blood and gore?”

The kid is, again, Zach’s “innocence.” He understands, he’s ready to not only move on, but also confront her.

5, 6, 7, 8

Years left to waste for all I hate

They’ll all know Juanita’s fate!

Show’s about to start; don’t be late.”

He knows that it’s going to be a showdown, a big, epic throw down. And Christie isn’t coming with him. He’s leaving her behind. He’s leaving his demons behind, breaking free from them and moving on.

War!

The ultimate throw down begins!

“A wise man once said, ‘time is money’

So how much money did I lose to you, honey?

Find it kinda funny you wanna keep this feud runnin’

But I’m glad I’m on your mind, keep that canon fire coming, woah!”

This is 100% a diss track. Zach confronts Juanita in front of a lot of her friends (we hear multiple girls go “huh?” as they realize that Zach’s here and he’s ANGRY), and immediately starts in. No introductions, no “hey it’s nice to see you again”s, nothing. He’s here to make a statement, and he’s gonna do so.

He realizes Juanita for who she is now, and she has done so many horrible things to him. Spreading rumors and lies to ruin his life, after dating him just to get a story to write about. He’s sick of it and done. He calls her out, and it’s important that he does this in front of other people so they see what she’s really done. He’s hurt, he’s been hurt, and it’s because of Juanita, this amazing person a lot of people looked up to and liked (“I know, Juanita deserves so much more [Interlude I]”. “Step inside the life of the men weak enough to follow you [Phantom Love]). 

Juanita also appears to be dating someone else by this time. This is really important, because now due to context clues we got from before, the only reason Juanita dates is to get a heartbreak out of it so she can have the motivation and drive to write her own album. That’s why she dated Zach. So, if she’s dating again, that means she either lost the motivation and drive again, or she never had it in the first place since it wasn’t a real love between them. She didn’t truly experience a heartbreak at all. This is further backed up by the claim that “we’ve been waiting on your album for ages, no traces, and baby, we’ve already run out of patience!” She’s only dating to get that experience again.

This means that, at least in Zach’s eyes, she hasn’t changed. “To your new boy, let he be warned: you’re her new toy for blood and gore! What, you didn’t know?” She is going to destroy him emotionally, and he’s going to go down the same path as Zach, ending in death- blood on the pavement. The gore part is to emphasize how horrific the whole ordeal was.

“Sit down with me and sign this armistice

Get your big proboscis outta my s***, miss”

A proboscis is the butterfly equivalent of a tongue. They use it for sucking nectar out of flowers. So, what he’s saying here is that they need to settle this between them (“sign this armistice”), and that she needs to mind her own business. By her talking about Zach like that, she ruined his life and he’s sick of it. She literally sucked the joy out of him like nectar. 

“Welcome to the new me!

Paint your nails black and unscrew me

But that’s okay, Juanita

Know my business is booming”

His business is a reference to his own album, the very one you’re listening to. His music career took off now because of her and the fact that she broke his heart, not the other way around. Juanita can never understand that because she “only loves to be broken [Phantom Love].” 

“That’s alright, that’s okay!

You barely wrote them anyway

Half your songs got thrown away

Like ballets on voting day

All my ballads had more to say

Like a bullet through a motorcade”

In a twist, Zach got the story Juanita had wanted. He experienced a heartbreak, while she never really did. So he writes an album instead of her. It’s a cool kind of karma that Zach- or, at least, his character- can’t resist. 

The whole song ends with him forcing her/her friends to sing along with him, repeating her name, then yelling. She screams, and it cuts out. 

I think he’s lost his sanity (or again, his “innocence”) here. He gets carried away, and either attacks her or makes like he’s about to. I think he makes like he’s about to, but stops. This is the final song; if Zach killed her, there would more than likely be another song depicting the consequences and an Interlude V to show the aftermath of the incident. But because he stopped himself, he’s satisfied. Juanita learned her lesson, Zach got everything off his chest, and the people around them know the truth. 

That’s all he’s wanted for longer than we can possibly know.

Final Observations

Zach Callison has gone on record to say that “Juanita” has finally published an album of her own, but that happened months later. I don’t have any specific dates for anything, though. No one knows who the real-life “Juanita” is, which in my opinion, is noble of Zach. He had a lot of anger to get out, but unlike her, he wasn’t going to ruin her life to try and get something out there. He can make a statement without ruining someone else along the way.

With that knowledge, let us all stand and clap for this man.

Not only is the album just a really good listen, but each song tells a cohesive story. The tones each song sets, as well as the far under-appreciated interludes (or over-appreciated in terms of Showtime), really shows how his emotional state changes. Phantom Love is a lament, She Don’t Know is a classic “I’m sad bc my gf broke up with me :(“ which is how Zach perceives that incident at that point in time, whereas Nightmare is him falling into depression stronger than anything he’s ever felt before. Curtain Call is him arguing with himself about whether or not he should even live anymore, and it all comes back around with the upbeat, heavy-rock literal song of War!. The interludes take the tone of the next song and combine it with the lyrics of the previous to show that smooth transition between emotions as he grapples with his mental state, the only exception really being Interlude I, as it has an overall bouncy tone to it.

Zach not only made every single song enjoyable, but also unique and heartfelt. Just listen to how his voice shakes during Christie Only Knows. He is genuinely upset and lost, and because of this, he’s better able to convey the HUGE emotion dump that was his album.

Do I recommend it? Yes. I think there’s something in there for everyone, even if you only enjoy one of the songs. However, doing a review is going to be an entire post in and of itself.

Thanks for reading, guys. Now go listen to the album and tell me your thoughts. Does my explanation make sense? Do you have a better idea? Let me know. I want to have a real discussion about it with other people who have listened to the whole thing, not just Interlude IV.

If you haven’t listened to it yet, it’s on YouTube and ITunes. Do yourself a favor and check it out. The whole thing is ~45 minutes long.

Have a link to the playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_n1rA_1uUBtxoATot0ixiTgvdEHhj3lAn4

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Soulmate Shenanigans

So, lucky me, I found this list of prompts!

Unlucky me, it was for a September event. Surprise, surprise, this is not September

That isn’t going to stop me from doing this, though!

So, without further ado, prompt number one!

Your Soulmate’s name is written on your wrist or palm

Warnings for death mentions galore and drowning, as well as something that isn’t drug use, but if drug use is a triggering topic for you I wouldn’t recommend you read

Not as angsty as these warnings would suggest, but there is still Angst

I don’t know how it got angsty I just work here

World building

The first recorded instance of a palm mark was when Lady Natalia of Venice nearly drowned in a canal

She’d been on her way home from a party alongside her fiance when she “tripped” (the word “tripped” here means “Was pushed by her fiance for financial reasons”) into the river. Her husband-to-be quickly exited the scene, leaving her to be weighed down by her skirts and die.

Angela (forger of swords and mixer of poisons, just happened to be in the neighborhood when she heard a scream and a splash) had other plans. She dove into the water, saving Natalia and cutting her hand in the process.

The two women spent a good deal of time together after that, the scientific Natalia claiming that she only wanted to know why her name was on Angela’s hand.

Some historians claim that the two were platonic soulmates. While this is possible, and platonic soulmates have a long and wonderful history, no one with common sense believes this to be the case

They exchanged love letters that were quite clear that the attraction was a romantic one.

Some historians also claim that there isn’t enough evidence to suggest that they killed the fiance.

Those historians are wrong.

Anyway, in modern days 97% of the population has a palm mark with the name of their soulmate

The tattoo industry has never had so many illegal opportunities

When your soulmate dies, the name doesn’t scar. It doesn’t blister, burn, or black out. All that happens is a thin, impersonal line crossing their name out. Some people don’t notice who they lost for days.

There’s a process to remove palm marks. However, it’s illegal and possibly fatal for the soulmate being removed.

Our Characters

Roman: Roman was confused by the name of his soulmate.

Who names their kid “Janus”?

Am I soulmates with a roman deity? The heck?? SO MANY QUESTIONS AND SO LITTLE ANSWERS

Roman was so excited to have a soulmate. He kept entire journals filled with things he wanted to tell Janus, part diary, part scrapbook, and part love letter. He would doodle hearts around his palm mark.

One night, in April, Roman went to sleep. In the morning, there was a line across his palm.

His soulmate had died, and he hadn’t even seen the line drawn. He broke a little.

Enough said.

Roman took the passion that he’d had for his Janus and channeled it into his acting. If he couldn’t get love, he’d get a fucking Tony Award.

Remus: Remus had been annoyed by his brother’s complaining.

“Oh, boo-hoo, my soulmate has a rare name. That means that as soon as I meet him, I’ll know exactly who he is! Roman, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE NAMED LOGAN”

Remus was annoyed that his soulmate had the audacity to have a common name. In theory, he could date all of the 18,000 Logans in the country, but does he really have the time?

He and his brother bicker about this for a solid seven years, until the argument abruptly ends. Ever since then, he’s been on his brother’s side in everything he can.

Logan: It made total sense for Logan to not have a soulmate.

His soulmate would have been unlucky, being stuck with a know-it-all like him, at least according to most of the people he knew.

This was a simple solution to the puzzle.

It wasn’t helpful to waste time wishing for a different one.

Janus: Janus had a whole plan for when he met his soulmate.

He wrote it down in 10th grade

Step 1: Wear gloves

Step 2: Find Roman

Step 3: Say something witty

Step 4: Remove gloves, revealing palm

Step 5: This little mystery is over and done with, and hopefully my soulmate isn’t boring

This was how a lot of Janus’s plans would work. Solid ideas, but missing bits and important pieces. This includes his heist plan he scribbled out on a napkin on an April day.

Step 1: Find local con-artists

Step 2: Pretend to be a person with money (which I obviously do not have)

Step 3: Scam them

Step 4: Don’t get murdered on the way out

Step 5: Profit

He pulled off steps 1-3 with ease, but step 4 proved to be a sticking point.

As he escaped via the river, with money in his hands and a “so long, suckers!” on his lips for drama, he thought nothing could go wrong

Fun fact: It’s rather common for con artists to fatally give away their positions by yelling “so long, suckers!”. Just ask Odysseus as he sailed away from the Cyclops.

The con artists shot wildly at his boat, blowing it to pieces. As he went down with the ship, he barely had enough time to think this can’t be happening, and fuck this and I’m going to die at the same age as Philip fucking Hamilton and I really don’t want to go to hell before his lungs filled with water and his heart stopped.

And Janus died.

For a solid two minutes.

Technically, death is when your heart ceases to beat. Even though people have been revived after their hearts have stopped, it is death, and enough to draw a line across a sleeping Roman’s hand.

Janus, however, was saved by an old man, who dragged him out of the river and forced the water out of his lungs. The old man took one look at the teenager and decided that he needed better role models, which is how Patton took Janus under his wing and saved his life in more ways than one.

The Actual Plot

Roman is in a city production of Hamlet. His brother is in the audience, his friend is fixing the lighting, and he’s ready to go.

It’s a pretty good performance, by all accounts, but especially according to Janus.

He’d already been watching the main actor intently, smiling from the mezzanine, but he was even more intrigued when he read the playbill and realized his name was Roman. He could barely pay attention to act five as he planned out the lies he’d tell to get backstage.

Somehow, he didn’t get caught sneaking around, and managed to catch a glimpse of Roman’s hand in a mirror. Janus. He really is his soulmate!

Janus walks over to Roman, says something that isn’t as witty as he would have liked (but not as bad as it could have been), and removes his glove.

Now, he expected his soulmate could have a variety of reactions. He didn’t expect Roman to yell “Not today, ghost!”, throw a prop skull at him, and sprint out of the theater. Janus caught a glimpse of the line through his name.

He was reasonably sure that he wasn’t dead? He could see his reflection in mirrors, he could consume salt, people tended to notice his existence!

Jan didn’t have much time to mull over this, as he was about to be forcibly removed from the greenroom. Logan just wanted to fix the lighting and live his life, but when strangers break into the backstage and upset Roman...

Jan skedaddles as Logan chases him out of the building. The nerd has almost caught the intruder when he runs directly into a man in a green jacket holding a coffee cup full of ketchup

Why did he have a coffee cup full of ketchup?

Remus and Logan bicker as Janus escapes. When Remus realizes Logan’s name, he asks a few questions, but Logan quickly shows his two blank palms, and the matter is settled.

Everything seems over and done with.

Meanwhile, Roman is freaking out. His mind is essentially in a loop of The fuck? The fuck? The actual fuck? He’s completely unsure of what to do. Is he seeing ghosts? Does he only believe he’s seeing ghosts? Is he sane or not?

Remus checks up on his brother at around 3 am, only to find him, exhausted, and writing in his old soulmate journal. Roman tries to explain what just happened, but the narrative told isn’t exactly coherent. All Remus can gather is that

1. His brother thinks that his dead soulmate is alive

2. This is because some guy snuck backstage and told him that he was the dead soulmate in question

3. This was probably the guy Logan was chasing

Remus convinced Roman to go to sleep, and walked out of the apartment with blood on his mind. He was sure that his brother was being manipulated.

This guy might not be dead now, but he would be soon.

Meanwhile, Janus proves that he can, in fact, cross a salt circle, so he must be alive! Right?? He also can’t get a certain actor out of his head, and wonders what his next move should be.

Remus recruits Logan to help him do some investigation in case Shady Liar Dude shows up. They go on several stakeouts together, in equally improbable locations. Maybe the two of them got too far into the secret agent aesthetic. Logan had always wanted to be a detective as a kid.

They fall for each other, and fast

Roman is spiraling, and a chat with Remus has him convinced that he was wrong, and Janus really is dead. He curses himself for believing in the pretty fairy-tale. Yes, because love wins in the end and they all live happily ever after. He has a performance tomorrow.

And it’s really time he got rid of the old scar.

You don’t hang around Remus without knowing where the black market locations are. It’s relatively easy to find the cure for palm marks.

He paces around backstage, holding a journal in one hand and a small bottle in the other. The warning that destroying the palm mark destroys the soulmate causes terror to rise in his throat, even though he knows that Janus is dead and can never read his love letters no matter how many stars he wishes on.

He finally makes his choice when Remus and Logan visit him before the performance. They give him looks of pity. He doesn’t want to be pitied.

According to the label, effects should take place over the next several hours. So, he waits for Janus’s name to disappear from his hand.

Janus managed to hustle someone with orchestra seats for their tickets. Despite not getting off on the right foot with his soulmate, he isn’t going to let him go that easily. And Roman’s brilliant performance that night just reinforces that. If he was good weeks ago, he was a star now. Janus was transfixed.

When the curtain call came, Janus was the first on his feet for a standing ovation. Remus and Logan noticed him, and pushed their way through the applauding audience. Both of them almost hoped that he’d get away again so they could continue spending time together.

Roman notices him. They lock eyes. Janus waves as though to say Hi, I’m here, apologies for the awkwardness of our meet-cute, but coffee? Roman gives him a look of disdain, as if to say I can’t believe I thought you were my soulmate, you con artist. He intends to look away and bask in the applause, but before he can do that, Janus collapeses.

Roman is confused at first, and then it clicks. That’s his soulmate. That’s his Janus.

And he killed him.

Pandemonium breaks out. Roman leaps off the stage, Remus freezes in panicked comprehension, the crowd scatters, and several people try to reach the dying man.

Logan gets there first. His mind scans memories of hours spent in libraries, researching everything there is to know about palm marks. Why didn’t some people have them? How did you lose them? How could you get them back?

He instructs Remus and Roman to help carry Janus to the greenroom.

They race him there, everyone in a state of panic (including Logan, but more importantly he has a job to do). Logan tells Remus to run and get a few basic ingredients, and they wait. Time moves much too fast and much too slow, until he comes back.

Logan works chemical wonders, piecing together Roman’s hand until everything is stabilized.

A vicious scar, the type you’d except if your soulmate was really gone, forms on Roman’s palm, and it will stay there for the rest of his days.

Janus comes back from death’s door for the second time.

After The Drama

Logan and Remus eventually move past the “but I don’t have a soulmate” “and yet I still am in love with you” dithering and go on a date that isn’t for the purpose of stalking a supposed stalker.

They go to the aquarium.

Meanwhile, there’s a lot to work out between Roman and Janus. From “wow, you’re not dead” to “wow, I nearly murdered you”, we don’t have time to unpack all that.

But they do get coffee. And they talk.

Soulmate stuff! I really like soulmate aus, despite not liking to write straight up romance

It’s weird

Anyway, hope you enjoyed!

[yandere-daydreams]

do you have an oc? i want hear about your ocs

Right! I’ve actually had these four siblings in mind for a while, and I *will* use any excuse I get to talk about them. In my defense, they’re all great. Babies that are well past spoiled-rotten, but they’re my babies, and I can’t help that. (The picrews used are here x x x x) 

TW: Imprisonment, Emotional Manipulation, Delusional Mindsets, Non-Consensual Drug-Use and Toxic Relationships. 

Name: Lionel Hardcastle

Position: The Failure of an Older Brother

Age: 26

Type: Delusional And Obsessive. 

Bio: The tranquil, would-be heir to the Hardcastle organization. Although his younger siblings were considered, Lionel was always the best with clients, the calmest in painfully crushing situations, and even if he made a point to hide it, the undisputed favorite of his parents. He would’ve taken over as soon as he was of-age, but his glaring lack of interest in the world of business and leadership provided quite the roadblock.

Well, and the fact that he can’t read. Never could, never will, and he shows no indication of an ability to learn. Needless to say, this caused some… minor issues between him and the rest of his family.

That might be why he likes you so much, his sweetheart, his love, the light of his oh-so-frigid life. You’re just so kind, and he knows you’ll never abandon him, even if you act so stubborn whenever he asks you to promise. It’s all he can do not to laugh when you throw your little tantrums and scream like you don’t adore the affection he’ll lather onto you so suffocatingly. There’s nothing he’d rather do than be around you, any moment where his skin isn’t on your instantly becoming unbearable. It’s no wonder he’s always the first of his siblings to snap. He hardly remembers to breathe, when you’re not in the room.

Lionel is quite the artist, too, focusing on stone and sculpting but dabbling in paint whenever the temptation strikes him. Suffice to say, as his fixation begins to outweigh his rationality his patient partner becomes his favorite muse. There’s more of your likenesses in existence than there are galleries to house them, but don’t worry, Lionel’s got a special portion of his workshop dedicated to all those mediocre extras, if only to keep himself sustained when you’ve switched from begging for the restraints to come off to hiding yourself away. Still, there’s only so long he can last before breaking and running to find you. If you really wanted to be alone, then you must not want to be with him. That’d mean you were trying to get away from him, trying to leave him, and… 

Lionel just isn’t sure if he can take that. Not again, and certainly not from you. He’s a weak man, when it comes to that, but he as more than enough iron-based safety measures to put his mind at ease.

Name: Persia Hardcastle

Position: The Motherly Middle Sister

Age: 25

Type: Controlling and Overbearing

Bio: Where do you even start with Persia? She’s the second-born, but it wouldn’t be untrue to say she’s more akin to a nanny than another Hardcastle. Part of it comes from how she grew up, how she had to take care of a pair of twins and deal with a suddenly absentee older brother, all while juggling just how unprepared her parents were for their own tragic, mysterious, purely accidental deaths. But, some people think she’s just… like that. A perfectionist, even when it comes to her own flesh-and-blood. 

Of course, you’re no exception. She’s just as tightly-laced with you as she is while trying to save Finn’s reputation or bring Lionel back home. She does love you, don’t get me wrong, but you’re her stress-relief, her saving grace, the only factor in her life she can have complete control of, even if she doesn’t realize just how much sway she has over you. She knows it isn’t healthy, that no one should think the things she does about you, but Persia can’t risk losing you. She won’t lock you up, she isn’t crazy, but… she doesn’t really have to use chains and collars, either. 

It’s odd, how fixed a certain behavior can be for one person, even after they’ve outgrown the use for it. She was the main caretaker for the twins while they were growing up, so she may’ve gotten into the habit of being a little… parental, when it comes to those she loves. If that just means giving you a disapproving look when you’re eating something you shouldn’t be or insisting on tucking you in at night, count yourself lucky. Falling into her role a little too passionately certainly wouldn’t be out of character, not when she’s already so invested in making sure you’re happy and healthy and by her side. Her angel’s medication is a small price to pay for bliss, really, even if you’re such a baby when it comes to taking it.

Name: Evelyn (Evie) Hardcastle

Position: The Mature Younger Sister

Age: 19

Type: Manipulative and Possessive

Bio: Now, here’s our heir. I mean, why wouldn’t she be? She’s fully literate and everything! Evie’s parents were already gone before Finn and her were so much as differentiable, but their advisors caught on to the siblings’ personalities quickly. Naturally, Evie found her way into a position of power as quickly as she was able to, not only for lack of competition. Not unlike her older brother, she doesn’t have any real interest in whatever vague, sketchy medical field she was thrust into, but Evie stands apart from the pure-intentions of most Hardcastsles. She likes the power of it all, how big it makes her feel. 

She likes knowing she’s the one in charge. You’ll come to understand that, with time.

There’s a good chance you’re her assistant or secretary or some member of her staff that made the mistake of getting a little too friendly, stumbling your way into her cold, dead heart before she could properly put up her defenses. The specifics don’t really matter, not as long as you have those big, shining doe-eyes and the sense to do whatever she says without a second thought. She just thinks you’re so soft, so cute, so vulnerable when you’re in the hands of someone stronger than you… you can’t blame her for getting a little carried away, honestly.

Don’t worry, though, Evie’s the most responsible sibling for a reason. She’s not a nice woman, but she can put on quite the show, as long as it’s for your sake. She’ll be whatever you need her to be for the longest time, whether that’s a boss willing to make compromises or a shoulder to cry on. She’ll string you along for as long as she needs to, having you isolate yourself and falling into her arms so sweetly, but her patience tends to wear thin when someone else comes into the picture. Do your best to avoid that, regardless of how minor the relationship may seem. She already keeps you on such a tight leash… it’d be a massacre if you gave her a real excuse to use force.

Name: Finnian (Finn) Hardcastle

Position: The Rebellious Younger Brother

Age: 19

Type: Jealous and Obsessive

Bio: I hope you’re not prone to whiplash, because Finn is the polar opposite of his sister. Despite being twins, identical on the deepest level two people can be, Evie was groomed while Finn was cast to the side, spoiled and let run wild, unimpeded by the standards his other siblings were held to. He has nothing to do with the family cooperation and as little to do with the others as possible, and he likes it that way. You might’ve caught on, by now, but Finn isn’t exactly the ‘business’ type.

But, distance breeds loneliness, and loneliness breeds desperation. It’s not that he latches onto everyone and anyone, no, Finn is rather selective, but he refuses to let go when he does find someone he wants to be with. You’re just so smart and so clever and so perfect, and all Finn wants to do is stay close to you, to never leave your side. The goal is innocent, full of misguided hope, but Finn didn’t exactly have a normal upbringing. He doesn’t know he shouldn’t want to follow you home or that it’s a little off-putting for a stranger to sit so close to you on an empty train, nor is he going to catch on if you try to turn him down gently. Hell, even if scream and do tell him what a pathetic stalker he is, you won’t get very far. Finn is just so happy you’re talking to him, he can’t bring himself to process what you’re saying.

Oh, and keep in in mind that he’s very used to being the center of attention. Whether it’s Persia’s persistent demands for ‘family time’ or Evie’s loudly voiced concerns, Finn knows when he’s the focus, and he doesn’t like it when the spotlight is somewhere else. That applies to you, too, as hard as he tries to stay on your good side. Distractions aren’t an option, he just gets so twitchy whenever he starts to think he’s your second-favorite, even if you’re being stolen away by a gift he got for you. It’s not a pleasant sort of envy, either. The way he clings to you and whines may seem harmless, at first, but Finn isn’t exactly good at holding himself back, especially when it comes to you. Desperation can turn into destruction in the blink of an eye, and he rarely goes after your new toys. 

[darklingichor]

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton *Major Spoilers*

I did not plan to revisit this one because I still have it mostly memorized from when I read it over and over as a teenager.

I loved this book so much, even though my life was worlds away from Ponyboy's, I related to him.

This is probably the most influential book I've ever read. I found out it was written when S.E. Hinton was a teen and I thought "Maybe I can do it too."

I soon found that I was far too sensitive to let people read what I wrote, I couldn't get around the idea of pouring part of myself into something and having someone tell me it sucks.

Now, I realize that's pretty rich considering this blog, but I couldn't do it as a kid and even now it feels a little like saying "please judge my spleen for your liking. If it is found lacking, by all means throw it in the shredder. Fear not, I will feel every cut."

This is why very few people have ever read my fiction.

That's also why, with a couple of exceptions I try to be very respectful of every book I read.

Anyway, what made me return to The Outsiders was that I discovered that there was a 50th anniversary edition. This hardcover has extras, my finger was hitting buy before I even registered it.

So, reread it for the first time in a long time.

I sank into the sweet nostalgia of the story. Reading this book is like sliding on a well worn pair of jeans. This book introduced me to Robert Frost.

I taught myself to type using the poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" because I had it memorized and would never get tired of it.

I still love the friendships and family bonds presented in the story. I still got a knot in my throat when Johnny died and Dally lost everything. I cried when Ponyboy found Johnny's letter. By God, but I still love this book.

I did notice that some things hit differently now than they did even when I read it once in my 20's.

The first thing I noticed is akin to when you watch The Little Mermaid as an adult and Arial says that she's sixteen and not a kid

and you laugh out loud because, girl, you are a zygote, shush!

When Cherry says to Ponyboy, she could fall in love with Dallas Winston so she hopes she never sees him m again. When I was a kid reading this,familar with The Breakfast Club, Grease, etc, this seemed like a natural statement.

Now? My first thought was "Oh honey, you're more screwed up than I remembered." Because from their first interaction, Cherry would fall in love with a catcalling construction worker.

Ponyboy says that Dallas said something "Really filthy".  In the movie, he asks Cherry howhe was suppose to know if her hair was really red, like her eyebrows were. A roundabout way of asking if the carpet matches the drapes. Bad enough and in the context of the 1960's that might have been dirty enough to be censored from the orginal manuscript, but I always imagined it was worse than that.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, after all, Dally wasn't so much a step up or down from Bob, as a step to the side.

Honestly when I was fourteen and reading this for the first time, I didn't think much of Cherry, I thought she was fake, and very stupid. She was older than me, but I knew it was massively fucked up not to admit she dated a bad guy.

  I see her as sad now, and she's a much darker character She's painted as someone with integrity, someone with principles.

She wouldn't take a Coke from Dally.

She tells Bob that it's her or the booze.

Won't take a pop from a hood, threatens to break it off with her boyfriend if he continues to drink. Okay, understandable.

Realize he beat the tar out of, and pschologically scarred a kid for kicks?

He was sweet sometimes.

What?

He was something special.

She says to the kid he and his friends attempted to murder. 

"He wasn't just any boy."

Right you are, Cherry. Incidentally, did you have any pets disappear while you dated him?

She's a mixed up girl.

I had many a head cannon for the characters in this book when I first read it.

I thought Ponyboy would grow up to be a writer, Darryl would open his own roofing business, Soda and Steve would work for him while fixing cars on the side. Two-Bit would work with them when he felt like it, or he would end up hitching to California to be a stand-up comic.

I thought Cherry would end up married to someone who worked for her father, who I imagined was a lawyer.

After this read through? I adjusted that future.

We met Randy again in That was Then, This Is Now. He's a hippie, which makes perfect sense. I see Cherry running off to Haight Ashbury. I don't get farther than losing sight of her red hair on a crowded, sunny sidewalk, but I get the same spooky vibe I always got after reading Rumble Fish.

Something else that hit differently, the relationships between the boys.

It hit differently for me because I know now why I love it so much.

I remember being  in a major reading slump before I picked up this book. See, I couldn't get into the books that were marketed to me. I wasn't in to RL Stine, except for the history of Fear Street books. I couldn't get into Christopher Pike at all.

I was reading mysteries and westerns, but I really wanted something that had people my age in it that wasn't a romance or sick lit. I'd read enough of those, and I thought that if I read one more book where boy meets girl then one of them croaks I would scream.

So I went to my mom's bookshelf, and found her copy.

I really loved that the real connections that are focused on, are between friends and family. These connections were not treated as being less than a romantic relationship. In fact, just the opposite, the gang see each other as their cement relationships. Soda and his girlfriend Sandy break up, he's hurt and it adds to an already rough time, but it is not a focus.

I suppose it could be argued that the reason for the lack of focus on romance has to do with the fact that Pony states that he's not thinking of it yet. But seeing how all of the gang look out for each other from Darryl keeping the Curtis's door unlocked in case one of the boys needed a place to crash, to everyone looking out for Johnny, to Johnny staying with Pony when he was upset after his fight with Darry, and looking out for him when they were in hiding, to Dallas helping them find a place to go after Bob was killed, to Pony sticking by Johnny after the killing, to Two-Bit sticking up for Johnny when his mother came to the hospital  and how broken up he was when Ponyboy got sick, and finally how one of Johnny's last acts was to write Ponyboy a letter that he hoped would help both Pony and Dallas.

These are not friendships that end when everyone starts dating.

This seems like a "duh" statement, but you have to think, so many things show friendships as training wheels. Something you use until you reach the next level and find a romantic partner. And, maybe this was just my small town, but that was very much the way things went around me, it was expected.

It was great to read a book about kids around my age who didn't see friendships as inferior to romantic relationships.

Now, knowing that I'm Aro Ace, I think I liked it because it spoke to what I thought was important without making it seem like something I needed to grow out of.

The extras were cool, letters between the author and the editors when the book was in the works, letters from the actors who played Pony, Johnny, Soda, Dallas, and Randy.

It was interesting to read the actors' feelings about characters they played so early in their careers. I was half hoping Matt Dillon would apologize for choking on, and embodying that gigantic piece of ham during the death scene, but one can't get everything in life.

I could read the other SE Hinton books, and talk about the connections between them, but I will likely skip That was Then, This is Now and Rumble Fish.

See, I didn't like That Was Then This Is Now very much when I first read it. A big reason? I didn't like Bryon. There was just something about the character that rubbed me the wrong way.

He's... I don't know... he's like Two-Bit without the charm. Plus, Ponyboy is featured, but Bryon hates him. It seems out of jelousy because of all the stuff that had happened in The Outsiders. And he hates him even more *because* he's quiet about it. I get distancing the last book from the next and that was an effective way of doing it, but when I was younger it just made me not like the character all the more.

I've read it a few times since I was younger, wondering if it would improve as I aged. It didn't.

Bryon is still mostly unlikeable. Plus, I grew up in the Frying an Egg, Diving into an Empty Swimming Pool, DARE, era of drug awareness. The whole book felt like a PG-13 version of The Buttercream Gang. Now that I have sufficiently aged myself...

Rumble Fish, I loved, but like I said, it's an unsettling story and one that left me oddly unsatisfied.

I really enjoyed the next two, Tex and Taming the Star Runner so I may revisit those.

[danadeservesadrink]

Do You Believe in Fate Chapter 4

So How’d It Go? Read on AO3 here

Angst warning!! This is an important chapter but damn was it hard to write! Tagging @today-in-fic . Enjoy and please let me know your thoughts!

“Dana Scully speaking”

“So how’d it go?”

“You know hello would have been nice Missy”

“Tell me! You can’t just leave the house on Thursday with that dress in your suitcase and expect me to not want details?”

“Did you go through my luggage?”

“I was looking for a top. But who was the guy? Was it David from work? Or Mark from that bar that one time?”

“And why should I tell you?”

“Dana this is the first time you’ve gone out in a year-”

“10 months.”

“Whatever. I just want to know who the lucky guy is.”

“His name is Mulder…”

“Mulder?”

“It’s his last name. He doesn’t like his first.”

“Mysterious. I like it. Go on.”

“He’s living in my old apartment”

“Wow Danes that seriously some rom com shit”

“I know, I know. He’s cute. Tall, far too confident, obviously brilliant…”

“Sounds like you’re already in love”

“But I don’t think it’s going to work out.”

“What, why? It was only the first date what could he have possibly done wrong”

“He works at the FBI. On unexplained cases of the supernatural variety. X files he called them.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t know if I can see him again.”

“Does he know?”

“Did I tell him on our first and probably only date that if he looks hard enough he likely has a file in his office with my name in it? No, he doesn’t know.”

“Do you think he’s doing an undercover investigation on you?”

“Gee thanks Mis, because the only reason a guy would be interested in me would be because he’s on a secret case”

“I’m not saying that! But don’t you think it’s a little weird that the minute you moved out of your old apartment an FBI agent investigating the paranormal moves in to take your place?”

“I don’t know Missy. I don’t know, it's just too much to think about. I’m going to go to bed now.”

“Ok. You’re coming home on Monday right?”

“Yea. I’ll see you then.”

“Goodnight Danes.”

“Night Missy.”

It was her luck that something like this would happen. Hadn’t she already been through enough? She left Stanford with a medical degree and all the freedom in the world, moved to her favorite city, and started saving lives. She made the world a better place, worked her ass off day in and day out to help children, saving God’s little angels, and how does He repay her? By ripping her life into pieces and throwing them into the trash, and then lighting the trash can on fire. So she moves back home, stays with her family. She recovers, she fights to get the life she had back, and she finally develops some sense of normalcy, even getting confident enough to go back out with a guy. And he’s a fucking alien investigator at the FBI. Like she hadn’t dealt with enough G-men already. Now this man who had somehow captivated her mind for the last month was just another threat. And she really was so naive as to believe the world would throw a perfectly good man in her lap.

She certainly hadn’t been looking. When he had first called her all she wanted was for him to leave her alone. She didn’t trust men anymore, and certainly didn’t feel like putting in the effort to court one. But talking to him in her apartment made her feel those butterflies she hadn’t felt in a long time. He just had this air around him, an aura that projected both confidence and a pure wild energy, a mix that intoxicated her every time she drew near him. He grabbed her wrist and she hadn’t worn a bracelet for the next week. She could still feel the phantom grip of his fingers and the electricity that flowed through them, like a newly connected circuit powering up for the first time. He hadn’t left her head since. She tried to call him as soon as she got home the next day, but she had been so caught up with his floppy hair and lopsided smile that she had completely forgotten to save his number from her mother’s phone to hers. So she placed faith in the postal system and hoped he would be charmed by her antics. And it worked. She was going out on a date with a man who made her head spin, one who tried to pretend that he was unphased by probably the tightest dress she owned even though he didn’t close his mouth for a full minute when he first saw her.

The date was perfect until they had talked about jobs. And then he dropped the bomb and she tried to brush off the feeling in the pit of her stomach by making stupid jokes and he laughed but she couldn’t help but dwell.

“UFO’s, cryptids, anything from crop circles to spontaneous human combustion. If the FBI can’t solve it, they toss it in my pile”

Did he know? He couldn’t have. What kind of psychopath brings up the fact that he studies alien abductions to someone like her. And if he really was undercover he wouldn’t want her to know what his real job was would he? He would have lied.

Unless he was toying with her.

Unless this was another experiment on her, another way to keep tabs on her, make sure she didn’t talk, make sure she was doing her very best to forget everything that happened to her.

She got up from the bed abruptly and shut the blinds on the windows. They clacked together and then the room fell into deep silence again.

He didn’t talk about work for the whole rest of the dinner. He talked about baseball, about how he goes for runs in the park she used to walk through after a long day shift. He said “Behold, a man” when the waiter brought out her garlic and herb chicken. Mulder wouldn’t do that to her. Mulder was just a man with a job whose only interest in her life was whether she was free next Friday to go out again. He paid for the cab back to her hotel and opened the door for her to get in. He was a gentleman.

He’s trying to get her to trust him.

And suddenly everything clicked into place and the air left her lungs. She found herself stumbling to the bed, she knocked over the lamp but it was in her way and she just needed to be in bed. Her ears were ringing, she couldn’t hear, everything was going in and out of black.

He’s watching you. He’s with them. He’s trying to silence you. He’s going to follow you, gain your trust and then he’s going to kill you. He knows where you live, he can track you down, they’ve tried to take her before and he will try again. He’s with them, he’s with them, he’s going to kill you, they’re going to kill you.

Everything’s bright and she’s back in that place with needles and tubes in and out of her, and she knows she’s in a hotel in DC but as many times as she tries to wrap the blankets around her and tuck her feet under her she cannot become small enough to escape them. She feels tears hot down the sides of her cheeks and the sounds of drills in her ears and there's no escape. She hears pounding and wailing and hands grip her wrists and they burn, they burn, so she screams. She won’t let them take her again, she won’t.

“Scully, Scully it's me”

She fights it, and it’s him, it’s Mulder and he’s trying to take her, like she thought.

“Let go of me!” She shrieks, flailing about but she’s trapped, he’s got her trapped, in bed sheets tied around her wrists and feet. “Don’t take me!”

He lets go but she’s still trapped, still fighting.

“Scully no one’s going to take you.”

“Yes! Yes they’re going to take me! You’re going to take me!” He touches her hand and it doesn't burn but it makes a lump in her throat and her fist turns flat. He pulls a sheet off of her and she feels exposed.

“Scully look at me.”

She does. She looks through tears at a blurred man in her hotel room. He doesn’t look like a threat. He looks sad.

“How did you get in here.” He steps to the edge of the bed and she pushes herself back towards the headboard, away. He raises both hands and walks to the other side of the bed where he sits.

“You left your wallet in the taxi. He called me because I paid and I picked it up and brought it here. I made it to your room and I wasn’t going to come in but I heard the lamp crash. So I used the spare key in the wallet and let myself in.”

He seemed to be telling the truth, holding up the wallet as evidence. She hadn’t even realized it was gone.She unlocked the door with the key she kept in her purse. She started to take in her surroundings, the lamp crashed to the floor, the bedsheets thrown from the bed. She looked up at him and saw nothing but concern over his face.

Every emotion, shame, embarrassment, anger, sadness, all of it hit her at once and she sobbed.

He reached over to touch her but she shouted “No!”, like a wounded dog. Her voice didn’t sound real. “Please don’t touch me”.

“Do you want me to go?”

“No.”

He watched as tears racked her body, never moving from his spot on the bed. She cried in a ball, hands covering her face, arms and knees tucked to her sides, protecting her from nothing. Then, she laid down, and cried until the tears had to be blinked down the sides of her face while she stared at the ceiling. She felt him get off the bed, and she bolted up, dizzying herself, but he nodded and only walked over to the minifridge to pull out a bottle of water. She sat up and he resumed his position at the end of the bed.

“Drink some water. Can you breathe again?”

She hated the way he talked to her, like she was a child. But he was right. She accepted the bottle and drank half, gulping down cold water as a welcomed change to the hot sheets.

“Yes. I’m sorry you had to see that. You can go now.”

“Don’t be sorry. I know panic attacks can be bad.”

“I’m ok now. You can go.” The crack in her voice made both of them wince. A different type of silence filled the room.

“You know I am a psychologist, but it doesn’t take an Oxford degree to diagnose PTSD.”

“I said I’m fine. You can go now Mulder.”

“What happened Dana.”

She sat and stared at him, sitting on her bed, asking her to spill her darkest secrets to him. Everything about telling him felt wrong but this is the first time anyone has offered to listen.

“About a year ago, a man broke into my apartment and abducted me. He drugged me and put me in the back of his truck and drove me to a cornfield in Virginia. I remember waking up and seeing the stars and trying to run but I was tied down. And then a bright light came and I-” She choked back another sob, but he shifted closer to her, eyes wide, and nodded for her to continue. “I don’t remember what happened. But my mother found me on her doorstep a month later in a hospital gown and…” her voice cut out. He again moved closer and when she didn’t pull back he slowly raised his hand and put it on her knee. He looked at her as if to ask “is this ok” and she nodded in response.

“I don’t remember anything except seeing my mother’s face again for the first time. She looked so… so terrified of me. Like I had grown another head or something. And then I looked down, and I was holding a baby”. She felt another tear run down her cheek.

“I was holding a baby and I didn’t know whose it was and I almost dropped it. Mom took it from me and my sister came and helped me inside, the whole time they were asking me where I’d been but I didn’t know. I didn’t remember anything. All of these people showed up at our house and asked me over and over again “where were you?” “what happened” and I just kept answering them I don’t know, I don’t know. They said I went on a bender. That I ran away from work and responsibilities, probably with some friends. They said I was pregnant and didn’t know it, and they tried to take the baby for testing but my mother wouldn’t let them. She didn’t believe them, she knew I wouldn’t do that. I don’t remember much of what happened next, but we packed up everything and moved out of my apartment… your apartment. They didn’t even open an investigation on the man that took me.”

“I can.” She had been staring at the lamp on the ground, she hadn’t noticed him staring at her with such intensity it made her shiver.

“You don’t get it. They didn’t open a case on me because there wasn’t enough evidence-”

“They didn’t open a case on you because you were abducted. The FBI has been trying to suppress alien abductions for years and you are just another victim. I could open a case on you, start an investigation, really stick it to them-”

“I am not a case that needs to be solved, Mulder.”

“But I can help you Scully. Do you remember anything from that night, anything at all?”

“Mulder!”

“I don’t understand, why would you not want to know what happened?”

“Because Mulder, because sometimes the weight of what happened is too much to bear. Because while you try to hunt down monsters they terrorize me in my sleep. Because there’s a baby in my house and I don’t know where it came from.” She realized she was yelling at him but she didn’t care. “Because frankly it’s none of your goddamn business what happened to me if I don’t want it to be. The men who you work for threatened to kill me and my family if I tried to find out what happened to me and for all I know you’re one of them.” Her voice was shrill and sharp like broken glass and it cut just where it needed to.  

“I’m sorry.”

She met his eyes again and they were wide and sad.

“I want to help you Scully. I’ll do…” he took a breath, “anything. I’ll do anything to help you.”

“I need you to leave.”

“Ok.”

He got up and she remained on the bed, drained.

“Will I see you again?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ok. Goodbye Scully.”

“Goodbye Mulder.”

[malloryslourd]

Goodeday's Daughter Throwing A Party At The Coven

—————

Warnings: Some Strong Language, Mentions Of Drug And Alcohol Use

—————

the chaos of just thinking about this is really sending me to some dark places

it was a simple idea: 1) the parents were out 2) it was a friday night 3) they would have the house clean

so the plan was a go

invites had started out small but of course it had gotten out of hand quickly

on top of Madison and Coco inviting basically everyone on their snapchat a bunch of the high schools in the area had hear about it and brought it upon themselves to go

Queenie and Zoe were out on drink and food duty

you and Mallory had set up the house

putting all the important things in a place where they couldn't be found

Madison called for some backup just incase things got out of hand, as she claimed, but really it was some frat guys she wanted to come who weren't going to be much help at all

once everyone had gotten ready, people had already started to show up

it had seemed tamed at first

that was until everyone realized Madi and Coco shouldn't have been in charge of invites

"There's like a thousand people here!" "And that's a complaint?" "You SHOULD be thanking us!"

for at least the first hour and a half it was pretty chill to start off- a regular house party

then things took a turn for the worst

if anything could go wrong at a party- it went wrong

somehow, magically, mysteriously, someone got into the greenhouse and made it the designated smoke room because why wouldn't they

there was at least four (4) vases broken throughout the house

some asshole decided he wanted to skate down the stairs and made a painting fall that was hanging up on his way down

the tv in the living room was knocked down and most definitely never going to work again

the door to the downstairs bathroom was broken by some drunk guy who then ran out the house before anyone saw who it was

the liquor cabinet where the special drinks for dinner guests had been broken into and practically emptied before anyone noticed

there was a fight in the backyard that no one had enough time to break up before one of the guys got a bloody nose and busted lip

and possibly one of the worst things to happen was someone spilled their drink on a portrait- not just any Supreme's portrait, oh no, Fiona's portrait

Zoe was the one who discovered this and by the way she screamed everyone thought someone died

when you all got into the room and saw it you almost cried because you knew this was what was going to get you all killed

Madison panicked the most surprisingly

"This is it. We're dead. We're literally going to die. What the fuck are we going to do? We can never fix this? It's over with!"

you had to snap her out of it because you two were still standing there in shock while everyone ran off to stop the OTHER fight happening in the backyard again

and it was only 11:15 at this point

Zoe had to take a minute and a few shots to calm her nerves and get into I-Was-Put-In-Charge-Of-The-House Mode

Coco swore she was going to fight the next person to slide down the stairs so you and Queenie had to clam her down before she did something she regretted

Mallory was literally having a full blown break down in the bathroom while Coco and Queenie tried to calm her down

she went up to her room until the party ended

you had gotten into it with a few guys from John Curtis

you were VERY reluctantly held back

"HIT ME! DO IT BITCH! YOU SAID YOUR DAD CAN PAY FOR THE LAWYER! HE MIGHT AS WELL PAY FOR THE FUNERAL TOO!" "Y/N STOP IT!" "FUCK ALL OF Y'ALL"

they were kicked out by Madison's friends before you set fire to the building and everyone in it

once the party had finally end at like 2am an official tally of all the things that need to be replaced, fixed, cleaned, or hidden was started

Mallory sent the list to the groupchat and it was divided among everyone

Queenie started an emotional/mental tally too

Y/N fighting JCC boys

Mallory crying three times

Coco almost hitting some pothead

you all stayed up to maybe 5am trying to clean but it wasn't even close to being finished

luckily Zoe and Madison were successful with getting Fiona's portrait clean before they turned in for the night

Madison knew just how to get the horrible weed smell out of the greenhouse

no one really questioned it

Queenie did a lot of the tidying up with Coco as they ran frantic with trash bags around the house

you and Mallory did a count of the price of everything you were going to have to replace or hide because it was broke and you replaced the broken door with an extra one in the shed

everyone's mentality is just: it's a big house, there's no way they're gonna notice everything... right?

everyone went to sleep for just a few hours before waking upon and starting right back where they left off

you and Mallory went to the city to buy everything you needed, both pushing through the killer hangovers

on your way home you got a call from Zoe asking for you guys to get more cleaning supplies because they had ran out cleaning the living room

you and Mallory turned around and bought like $350 worth of cleaning stuff

when you had gotten back the entrance was back in order

however when you two walked into the living room it was a different story

Madison had passed out on the carpet, gloves on and scrub brush in hand

before either of you asked anything Zoe had already asked for more bleach for the couches

you dropped off all the supplies and went back to what you were doing the night before- replacing broken stuff around the house

Mallory had put vases where they went and you replaced the fancy glasses in the kitchen and the few broken picture frames

Coco and Queenie were practically done with their work so they asked Mallory to help repair the damage left in the yard from the fights

that's when you got the phone call from Cordelia that they were going to be home in about two hours

when you told everyone else they went into a panic

Madison had went to the liquor store to refill the liquor cabinet

Queenie was trying to figure out how to get rid of all the trash

it was either burning it or finding a dumpster to throw it all in

a giant fire would've been hard to explain so Madison called one of her friends to load his truck up and throw it all away

"Why do these guys owe you so much?" "Mind your business"

with about thirty minutes to go, the finally steps of just wiping down the last of the counters and tables

literally right as the last paper towel was being thrown away the front door was being unlocked

"RUN!" "From what?" "... I DON'T KNOW!"

Misty and Cordelia had walked into the living room to find everyone very "nonchalantly" sitting watching tv

"...Hi?"

you all just smiled and greeted them hoping you hadn't missed anything

they hadn't noticed much just commenting on how clean the house was and how the yard had looked different oddly

Madison said she was practicing some new spell that had messed with the grass

that definitely raised some suspicion

everything had seemed to be fine and you had all relaxed

you had all went about your days, finally being able to talk about last nights events

Coco had taken some wild pictures and videos and you all made sure to have a laugh about them to kinda calm your nerves

everything had seemed fine before everyone heard Misty slam the back door

"WHOSE FUCKING BRA WAS IN THE GREENHOUSE?!"

[penny44224]

I'm home

(It’s been a while I hope you like it😫)

Drinking your freshly brewed coffee as you sat in your office while observing the outside scenery from the window. It’s been exactly five years since you have been married to Chris or formally known as Bang Chan from Stray Kids. What started as a random encounter turned into blissful romance.

You both fought hard to keep your relationship going from the company, parents, and of course the fans. But successfully, everyone saw how much your love for one other is and eventually let it be. This is what you wanted right, to finally be with Chan without second-guessing yourself. So why are you unhappy. The public thinks you guys are living the happy married life together, but in private, you guys were struggling. To start it off, Bang Chan still works for JYP. Meaning, he lives in Seoul while he also lives in Australia which is where you live. You’ve been pushing about wanting to start a family with him ever since you guys got married but the long-distance is becoming a real issue.

You knew how much he loved his career and you support him fully without a doubt. But you couldn’t take it. Because to be honest, you were just lonely. It’s been 8 months since the last time you guys saw each other, felt each other, and kiss each other. You longed for him physically but you knew it wasn’t you say so. You accepted the long distance while you guys were dating but now being married, it was a different story.

Last night, you decided to call him up but that was a horrible idea. You just wanted to check up on him, but it escalated to an intense argument. The last thing you remember is him saying to you, “why the fuck am I still with you!” You never felt so broken that you barely got sleep last night.

Now you're in your office, trying your best to get through the day. On cue, that’s when your coworkers, Lia, Beth, and Maxine came in.

“Y/N did you not see my text messages I sent you!” said Lia

“Oh I’m sorry I haven’t been on my phone” you replied quietly

The girls were always used to your uplifting spirit but notice a sad tone in your voice

“Hey honey you ok?” Beth asked walked closer to you

That’s when finally last night’s emotion hit you. You started brawling in front of your friends while they immediately comfort you. You began to tell them everything that has happened.

“Oh my goodness, I never knew you were dealing with this sweetie,” Maxine says as she hugs you

“I don’t know what to do anymore, does he even love me or are we just staying together because of how hard we fought to be together, “ you say as more tears begin to fall down your cheek

“Don’t say that girl, you know he loves you melanin and all! You guys fought because of how much you love each other. That’s what matters” Maxine states

“But I can’t believe he said that to you, he knows I will literally go to Seoul to beat his ass up!” Lia replied which made you guys giggle

“Exactly go book a flight now and a hotel too” Beth added

“Oh guys stop,” you say now laughing as the tears start to dry

”You know what we can do to cheer you up!” Lia gasped

The girls looked at each other unsure

”THE CLUB” Lia yelled excitedly

”oh my goodness yasss, we can go to the one that just opened!” Beth added

” Uhh guys I'm not sure going to the club will help my problem,” y/n said

”Trust us y/n, the more you stress, the more you will become depressed. So let just let go for one night. ” Maxine says sweetly

You did want to forget about what happened last night so you agreed

”yayyy we gonna party!” Lia jumped up and down

”umm guys, is it ok if I invite Susie, you know she's new to town and I want to show her around,” Beth asked

”of course, she can come” you answered unaware of the butterfly effect you just created

After two hours of getting ready, you examined your self in the mirror. Your hair was up in a high ponytail, smokey face look, a strapless burgundy dress that hugged your curves and lace heels.

”Your gonna have a fun night,” you tell yourself as you hear beeping outside

As you guys were at the club, the girls literally on cloud nine. But you were still in your mood because of what Chan said. That's when Susie, the coworker came over to you

”Hey I heard what happened to you,” Susie said

”of course you did, Beth has a big mouth,” you said rubbing your forehead

”Heyy you need a drink, I'll go get one for you ” She winked and left before you can decline her suggestion

As Susie received your drink, she turned around (with her back facing you ) and dropped a small pill inside of it. When the pill dissolved she walked right toward you

”Here this will help you to let loose” Susie says as she hands you your drink

Your mind was screaming at you don't do it. But you just want to let go of all this hurt you were feeling.As you finished the drink, a rush of adrenaline took over your body in an instant.

After at least ten minutes, you were dancing on top of the bar table while the crowd cheers you on too. Your friends taking videos of you while hyping you up. That when you saw a man from across the room looking at you. The way he stared at you made you dance sexier. He began to smirk and lick his lips at you. Enjoying the effect you had on him, you got off the bar table.

”Girl what was that, you were killin it,” Lia said chapping her hands

” You said get loose so I'm doing exactly that. ” you said flipping your ponytail as you walk toward the mysterious man

As you walked toward him, he stands up from his seat. You got a good look at him, muscles trying their best out hold inside his button-up shirt, hair perfectly styled, and a smile that can light up the room.

”What's your name, handsome?” you asked

”B/W (your bias wrecker) ” he said with a smile

” mmm, you wanna dance,” you said stretch your arm out to him

He took it as you brought him to the center of the dance floor. You two began dancing for quite a while until the DJ started to play slow R&B aka sexual music. (B/W) held your waist and brought you closer to him. You felt everything as his body and your body closed the gap between you too. The feeling was addicting as you feel his lips shadow your neck and bulge on your thigh. You look up at him slowly to meet his eyes. Once both of your eyes met, all you saw was darkness and lust

As you open your eyes, you began stretching. But that's when you felt immediately nauseous, jumped out of bed, and sprinted to the bathroom. After throwing up for the fourth time. You tried reaching for the toilet paper where you usually put it but all you felt was a wall. That when your senses hit you, this wasn't your house.

As you look around your surroundings., you realized. This was a hotel! Maybe the girls and I crashed her because we were so drunk. So you washed up and left the bathroom. As you were walking toward the bedroom, you halt your action immediately. You looked on the floor and saw clothes. But not only yours, male clothes too. So many thoughts filled your head as it pounds. You finally reached the bed and saw him, (B/W) sleeping peacefully yet naked. That when you started to remember everything last night. You felt can not be described. Guilt layer 1 You quickly put on your clothes, grabbed your phone and bolted out of the building.

As you reached home you hopped into the shower. You began to break down letting all last night's mistakes and your latest fight with Chan flood the shower. You cheated on your husband replied over and over in your brain. As guilt flood the atmosphere. You felt extremely horrible but you knew you had to tell him. Guilt layer 2

As you got changed and decided to empty the trash, as you were organizing from the recyclables to the trash, you found a pregnancy box. That’s when you felt a cold chill rise. You forgot to check if you wore a condom, but you rushed out of the hotel room without asking the man. What you were about to do felt sick but you wanted to make sure

After waiting the exact time, you finally saw your results...you never wanted to jump out of a window so badly but you couldn’t since there was not another human inside you. You called up Maxine, telling her everything while balling your eyes out. Guilt layer part 3

” I'm a horrible wife, Maxine. I got so sad that I drank my feelings out because my husband said he doesn't know why he's with me. A-and I made an m-mistake and slept with (B/W) and now I'm giving pregnant. Pregnant from someone who isn't my husband! ” you cried out in pain while lying down in the floor

” y/n how did you even get this drunk in the first place?” Maxine asked

”Well Susie gave a drink, it tasted very fizzy for a drink. ” you said as you sniffed

”Oh my fucking gosh that bitch drugged you. I knew there was something wrong with her I just couldn't put my finger in it. One of my coworkers says they were there last night as saw her in the act but was too drunk to remember until this morning. I'm so sorry I should if stood by you” Maxine explain sadly

”So I'm a cheating worthless wife, who got pregnant over a one night stand because j was drugged by my co worker..” you say blankly analyzing how broken you felt. Your emotions are now numb, realizing everything was your fault. If you would have just said no all of these events would not have taken place. But the only person you can blame is yourself. Guilt layer 4

”y/n don't do anything stupid, we're coming over there right now,” Maxine says but you hung up the phone without giving her an answer

You got up from the floor and loom in the mirror. Your hair was a mess, your face, and a bit swelled from all the crying. You took a deep breath and try telling your self you will be ok. You grabbed the pregnancy test and walked out of the bathroom. Once you enter the living room, you halt your movements as your eyes couldn't believe what you were seeing.

Your one-night stand (B/W) standing with your purse that you probably left at the hotel in his hands while displaying shook expression. But that's not what you shocked about. It was because your husband was also standing in your shared living room with your favorite flowers in his hands looking at you with an expression you can't identify.

Both men are looking at you, while you looking at them thinking this was a dream. But somehow you were still missing something. Your eyes turned traveled to the living table where all you guys family photos we're placed. But there was one photo that stood out the most. It was a photo of your husband and (B/w) in a picture together, a high school picture together. Now all the puzzles pieces are now connected. B/w was chan childhood friend he has mentions you about but you never really met him until now well last night. As the final cherry on top, the guilt cake was completed of worse wife ever. It like Chan knew your realization, he heard everything you said from the bathroom since you were practically yelling and especially (B/W) too.

That when Chan began to speak

”I'm home”

[whatiswhump]

I thought that- Chapter 1

Hi hi! So I haven’t had any motivation to write lately But I did just reread a 50 page story that I wrote six years ago and I was pleasantly surprised with it. I think I will publish it in a series of chapters. It is a departure from my usual writing style and the beginning is more humorous and sardonic than anything (in fact I find the first chapter to be pretty cringey) but if you’re at all interested, I recommend sticking it out for the whump to come... because not only does the writing get much much better but it gets..... dark™

CW: suicidal ideation, death, attempted suicide

P.S. please let me know what you think! I love comments!

-

I thought that when I finally died, it would be more remarkable than all of my other experiences. I’d come close countless times before but I thought that it be more. I guess I was wrong. Because that night, nothing felt different, nothing was remarkable. I didn’t die like Erin, in a messy tragic fashion. I didn’t die like my dad in a drawn out scraping sort of way. Instead, I was alive and then I wasn’t. Executed before I even knew what was happening. What a fucking bummer.

The night was deep, so deep that I felt as if I could walk into it and it would never end. The water washed against the shore like india ink and the fog threatened to entirely swallow me. I held an old flashlight that flickered in my bruised hand and waited. I was feeling more patient than usual that night actually. Too bad death didn’t feel the same. The fog felt like cotton in my ears and I was fairly content to let my mind wander in the peacefulness while waiting for the shipment to arrive. I was thinking of Erin in her blue dress on the day that she led me away from the picnic and we slept in the wildflowers. I almost felt the sun on my fingertips when the trigger was pulled. By then I was dead. One moment, Erin was in my head and the next, a bullet was instead.

Unluckily for me, the day I died so unceremoniously was not even my last.

Waking up in a morgue is an experience I would not wish upon anyone. Particularly confusing not to mention just exceptionally creepy. Plus being hit from behind is not what one needs after they've been shot in the back of the head at close range. But I don’t blame the mortician. He was only doing his job when I scared the living fuck out of him.

I didn’t care to be alive again once I knew I had died. The man that showed up and dragged me out of the basement of the hospital was particularly annoyed that I didn’t appreciate my newest chance at life. He was especially not happy when I jumped in front of a bus directly outside of my resurrecting place.

Hospital security officers and the odd off-duty medical personnel witnessed said unstable behavior and I was immediately whisked away from the mystery gentlemen and back into the hospital where I was provided with bed restraints. I admit it wasn’t my best plan of action, but I was feeling desperation in the way that people do when they try to bargain for another day to live.

So for the third time in twenty four hours people had control of me in ways I did not wish them too. I suppose I didn’t wish to die but I didn’t want to live again now that the proverbial trigger had been pulled and I certainly didn’t relish being a mental patient. I lay in the bed and looked out the gated window in silence when they first hauled me up there. When I didn’t feel like talking to a doctor and quite possibly a little hostile, they injected something that felt like syrup in my veins. Despite my better (sober) judgement, I started yelling about being resurrected and that ordeal. It was at least a more immediate route into a drug induced sleep.

-

When I opened my eyes I was dismayed to see the fellow with the grey hair again. His face was directly above mine and the first thing I groaned, “fuck”.

He snickered a bit at my friendly greeting and next thing I knew I was dizzy and I was sticking my feet in the way of the doorways we went through at what felt racing speed in a wheelchair. 

“Your name’s John.” I slurred and tried to look back at the stranger maniac.

“Yes, and you’re Clarence.”

“Spot on!” I cheered in my drug induced glee.

“Now do me a favor Clarence. Number one: stop sticking your feet in the way of doorways and number two: stop trying to die. You make my job very difficult.”

“Sure, sure, whatever you say,” I started as I began to close my eyes and then I remembered the revival and took immediate action in the best way I knew at the moment.

“Dammit Clarence!” He hissed at me under his breath as he lifted me back into the wheelchair.

I was not as fast at running as my plan required, nor as capable of getting up off the floor as I assumed I would be.

The commotion of me flinging myself off of quickly moving wheelchairs made enough noise to invite a few people to the hallway. I looked behind me for Mystery John but he had vanished. I tried to explain myself. I don’t think I did it very well.

There was a prick in my arm and radio silence fell over my battered brain again.

-

The next time I surfaced, there were two men in suits staring down at me.

“Um hello?” I said when I realized they weren’t going to speak first.

“Clarence Granger, correct?”

I cracked a coy smile and responded in a manner that didn’t seem appreciated. “May I know who is asking?”

The speaking man’s partner sighed in exasperation. He clearly didn’t want to be interacting with me.

“The FBI. Sound familiar?”

I nodded my head and then tried to conceal an involuntary wince. It still hurt.

“Clarence, we are here because yesterday we found what we presumed to be your corpse on the shore of the Atlantic Sound. You had been shot in the back of the head, point blank. We were investigating further into your murder when we received a phone call. Apparently a very spooked mortician said you weren’t very dead at all and what was a bullet wound on your skull was a mere scar. You were reportedly kidnapped and then proceeded to jump in the way of a bus right out front? Now you’re in the suicidal wing of the hospital?”

“Can you explain any of this?!” The impatient one interjected with a wave of his hands.

I’ll admit it did sound a little odd. I can attest to being dead… and to being alive.

“This isn’t the answer you guys are looking for, but…. No.” I just tried to give a little defeatist wave of my hands but it wasn’t complete with the restraints. 

Mr. Impatient squinted at me for a moment and then turned and walked a few steps away, “Great! Just great! The crazy one doesn’t even know why he is no longer murdered! We saw the bullet wound! He was cold. Stone cold. As dead as they come! You were an ugly corpse!”

“Garrett, Garrett. Let’s just do our jobs alright?” Mr. Even-keel-in-the-face-of-crazy, er, Mr. Even-keel looked at me then and whispered, “Pardon, just a moment.”

“Where am I going to go?” I responded amiably as I rattled the restraints.

He led Mr. Impatient to the corner and there was a little bit of whisper arguing, Then Mr. Impatient straightened his already straight suit jacket with a hough and strode back over.

“Hey guys, guys, could you maybe get these undone?” I gave my wrist and ankles another shake and produced a stupid smile, “I promise I’m not crazy.”

Mr. Impatient’s mouth gaped a little before he remembered to respond, “Did you not just hear everything we just said? Fat chance.”

“What he means to say is that we don’t have control over that, that’s the hospital. Maybe after we finish speaking I can talk to them.”

“Well okay, just thought it would be the decent thing to do, guys. It’s hard to feel comfortable talking to you with them on!”

“Can we just get back to the matter?” Mr. Impatient fumed.

I shrugged my shoulders, “I’d like that.” 

“Okay, what do you remember from that night?”

“Nothing.” (That’s not true.)

(But why would I tell them? I was up to illegal activities!) (See, I can be Mr. Even-keel too.)

“Who do you know that would target you?”

“Mmm.. no one.” (a lie)

“Who kidnapped you from the morgue?”

“No idea.” (All I know is that he is a maniac named John)

“Alright. Why did you jump in front of a bus.”

“Oh I know the answer to this one, I didn’t see the bus before I walked into the street, funny story, really, on that part-”

“There were ten witnesses that said they heard you yell at a man that you didn’t want to live and that you were going to jump in front of the bus.”

“Oh. Did they say that? Are you sure they heard right?” 

“Look kid, are you gonna answer straight or not? You’re wasting our time.”

Wow, Mr. Impatient, that was a little rude. 

From there on out I decided not to speak again. I’d talk when somebody let me off the bed or at the very least brought me a poptart. 

At one point Mr. Impatient grabbed my collar in frustration but Mr. Even-keel cooled him off. I wonder if Mr. Impatient’s wife cheated on him last night? I would if I were her. Honestly I think he should really pick up his attitude. That’s better than being murdered and unwillfully resurrected. Get some perspective, pal.

So. After they left a lot more pissed off than when they had arrived I did a little extra curricular activity and picked my way out of the locks. The only problem was the hallway did happen to actually have a lot of staff members in it and I didn’t get far. Some buff guys in tight white kindly escorted me to a new room with no furniture but really plush walls. Oh. And I started talking about being resurrected again because of another shot to get me there... I may or may have not throw a few elbows at first. I don’t think it really helped my ‘I’m-not-crazy’ case. 

So. Yeah. This week was already fucked and it was only Tuesday.

[likecastle]

Witcher Noir AU, pt 4

More Witcher noir AU, following on from part three. Beginning can be found here.

If you have prompts or suggestions for scenes you’d like to see incorporated here, please send them my way! 

CW for mentions of canonical character death.

When Geralt wakes, his head is pounding worse than ever, and there’s a frantic conversation happening somewhere behind him. The surface under his cheek is smooth and solid and for a moment he considers letting himself drift back into the dim silence he just left. But the shouting behind him is getting louder, and he can feel sleep slipping away from him.

“—in ten minutes!” someone is yelling.

“Yes, Valdo,” comes the reply—a woman’s voice. “But excuse me if I’m not nearly as concerned about the show as I am about whether Jaskier is alive or dead!”

With great effort, Geralt forces himself to sit up, his ribs protesting as he pushes himself upright. When he opens his eyes, he’s confronted with the sight of himself in the vanity mirror—on top of his mementos from yesterday’s altercation, now fully bloomed into dark bluish bruises, his eyes are still blown dark from the aftereffects of whatever drug Jaskier slipped him, and there’s a long red mark on his cheek from where he’s been lying against the dressing table. He stretches his cramped neck, groaning as something cracks.

“Oh, please,” says the someone with the offensively loud voice. “He’s probably just run off with one of the—”

“So you’re not dead after all,” the woman interrupts. It takes Geralt longer than it should to realize she’s speaking to him.

When he turns around, he’s faced with two people staring at him from the door to the dressing room. The man with the loud voice has an unfortunate pencil mustache, and the woman is willowy, with peekaboo blonde waves.

“What did you do to him?” the woman asks, turning the full force of her ire on Geralt now.

“You’ll have to forgive me,” Geralt says, squinting into the too-bright light of the room, “but I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Jaskier!” the woman insists. “What did you do with him?”

“It’s more a matter of what he did to me.”

The woman scoffs, tossing her hair. “Don’t get cute. If you didn’t rough him up, then what happened here, hmm?”

Geralt peers around the dressing room, which does, he realizes now, look like it’s been turned over from floor to ceiling. It wasn’t exactly neat as a pin when he arrived, but it certainly didn’t look like it’d been ransacked. Between Jaskier’s absence, the mess around him, and the blonde’s bad mood, Geralt doesn’t think he has much chance of talking his way out of this one. Luckily, neither the blonde nor her companion look like they’d be able to stop him walking out.

“I just wanted to talk to him,” Geralt says, grimacing at the memory of Jaskier throwing those very words back in his face as he passed out. “I don’t mean him any harm. I think he might be in trouble, and I want to help, if I can.”

This seems to calm the blonde down somewhat. “What kind of trouble?”

“Priscilla,” says the man with the mustache impatiently, “you’ve got to get changed. Curtain—”

“Valdo,” Priscilla says, “kindly fuck off.” As the man with the mustache sputters and storms away, she returns her full attention to Geralt. “What kind of trouble?”

“I don’t want to say too much, but his life may be in danger.” He retrieve his wallet from his pocket and give her one of his cards. “I can try to protect him, but only if I can find him. Do you know where he might be?”

Priscilla examines his card carefully, and Geralt can see her weighing her options. Finally, she says, “He does a set at a club called the Nightingale sometimes. They’ll let you crash in the back room on occasion, if you’re in a tight spot. You might find him there.”

“Thank you,” Geralt says.

When he hauls himself to his feet, she steps more fully into the doorway, as if she’ll be able to bar his way. Geralt wonders what she sees in the singer that makes her so ready to stand up for him—but, then again, maybe it’s not such a great mystery. “Promise me,” she says. “Promise me you’ll keep him safe.”

Geralt doesn’t make promises he can’t keep. “I’ll do what I can.”

She doesn’t seem particularly impressed with this response, but she lets him pass.

The tangle of corridors backstage at the Last Rose is even more disorienting now that he’s coming down from whatever the hell Jaskier slipped him. It’s a wonder he doesn’t get lost on his way out, but after a few wrong turns, he does eventually to find the exit, just as the band starts up. He hears Priscilla reciting Jaskier’s opening patter before breaking into “I’ve Got a Feeling I’m Falling”, and she’s damn good, but not a patch on Jaskier.

The climb up the stairs is harder than he’d care to admit, but once he gets onto the street, he turns right back around and heads into the hotel. The lobby is tasteful in its extravagance, but his shoulders tense instinctively at the atmosphere of careless excess. He’s never been at ease in the world of the rich and powerful. But Jaskier said Calanthe treated the hotel like her own private home away from home, and there’s nothing more telling about a person than the way they keep their home.

The concierge balks when he asks to take a look around the suite Calanthe jumped from, but a couple of crisp notes and an intimidating look from Geralt are enough to inspire a change of heart. Geralt takes the key with a promise to return it within the hour, and rides the elevator up to the twelfth floor.

It’s been long enough since Calanthe’s death that he doesn’t really expect to find anything in the room, but he’s got to take a look around all the same. The suite is just as opulent as the lobby, equipped with a sitting room larger than his entire office and a marble tub in the bathroom. The room is clean, nothing obviously out of place. He checks the drawers of the dresser, then the desk, but finds nothing besides blank hotel stationery. He pulls out the cushions of the chairs and sofa, runs his hands between the mattress and the box spring, then gets down on his knees and checks under all the furniture, just in case anything was kicked aside and forgotten. Getting back up again is more of a challenge, but he manages. In the wardrobe, at last, he finds something—a long strand of white-blonde hair, caught in the hinge of the door. It could be nothing, he tells himself, could easily predate Calanthe’s death by weeks or even months, or it could have been left by one of the maids who cleaned the room after she died. But Geralt has a sinking certainty that he knows exactly what it means.

The feeling that fills him is too big to be contained. It makes him want to run, hit something, put his hand on a live wire. He needs a drink, or the taste of blood on his teeth.

To ground himself, Geralt goes to the corner window and looks out at the street. It’s dark now, the streetlamps spilling pools of golden light on the sidewalks. When he raises the sash and sticks his head out, the cold night air dulls the sensation roiling inside him, a little. He can see the spot the newsboy said was stained with Calanthe’s blood. This is definitely the only window she could have fallen from, but even so, something about the trajectory is wrong. He tries to imagine jumping from this height. Even if he pushed hard off from the windowsill, he’d still expect to land pretty close to the building. But the spot where Calanthe landed is close to the corner, far away from the front of the building. He can’t be certain, but if he had to put money on it right now, he’d say Calanthe didn’t jump at all—she was pushed.

Just before he ducks back inside, Geralt notices something out of the corner of his eye: a man leaning against one of the lampposts across the street, staring up at the hotel. He is young, dressed in a black suit, with a sleek black feather in the band of his hat. As Geralt closes the window, he looks up and meets Geralt’s eye with an unflinching gaze.

*

Part five

[gilmesc1]

Do you have any thoughts on fictional portrayals of DID, like danganronpa, spl!t, and others?

Yes, I usually would take time to do research but lucky for you I already did XD

I looked into Danganronpa a while ago since we have 1 or 2 system mates from it, and in that case, prepare yourselves for a hot mess of my opinion and facts I got from a google fest.

So, to start out, I guess I might share spoilers?? So you hath been warned. Additionally I’m not going to sit here and rephrase the entire story so, honestly why am I even explaining this. Anon at least knows what’s going on XDD

So Danganronpa is a psychological mystery anime that focuses heavily on the themes of hope and despair, where in most versions of the story characters are forced into a killing game where they have to kill each other. Bet you couldn’t have figured that one out on your own XD

One thing I like about it is that the characters overall are written fairly well. Many of them are complex multi layered gems of writing with good development and story arcs. One thing that I found interesting is the semi accurate portrayals of mental illness and how it impacts the characters in this insane situation.

So, let’s break into that. I focused on the portrayals of NPD and DID specifically, and I could go back and look into others, but we’ll focus on those for this post. And just going to throw this out now, I think it’s interesting and also kind of a bold move to tackle those kinds of things in an anime.

So let’s look at the DID portrayal. The character’s name is Toko Fukawa, and she is a fucking wreck. Confirmed emotional abuse gives a lot into her character, and we see her as this timid, deflective, honestly broken shell. Later in the series we are introduced to her alternate personality, I know, exciting.

However it’s a literal serial killer. So like. Yeah.

I don’t love that part. I mean, out of all of the portrayals for this alter, you had to go with serial killer? And not only that, but a really famous, generally acknowledged as insane serial killer. Thaaaanks writer.

To recap what a lot of tumblr says, this kind of portrayal is dangerous because the majority of DID portrayals are of crazy violent stereotypes. It was quite honestly disappointing, and I wish that the writers hadn’t used this as their big reveal.

But hey, neutral standing here, let’s look at why he did do that from a different perspective. Since the theme of the game/anime is killing, it does make sense plot wise to have a serial killer. Additionally, it’s a clever way to get said serial killer into the game in the first place. Plot wise and with a few things I’ll mention in a second, it does make sense in a twisted way.

But let’s get the bad out of the way first. One thing I really don’t love is her appearance. It’s like someone took the original character design of fukawa, took some drugs, and then drew a nightmare creature. Seriously, there’s crazy eyes, hair flying everywhere, and this freaky inhuman tongue that the alter has out no matter what she’s doing. Like whaaaaaat the fuck.

Firstly this spreads misinformation that we can change appearance at will. Like don’t get me wrong, I wish I could, but the best I got is changing clothes if I have the time. Also the tongue I really hate because it gives the impression of the alter being this inhuman monster. Also again with the impression that we can morph stuff when we switch. I mean, if I had that, I’d be having a lot more fun in my day to day life than I do now.

Do what you will with that information.

Additionally we do see Fukawa’s tongue, and it’s not a weird demogorgon kind of thing, so, yeah, the tongue thing is weird.

Finally her name. It’s Genocider Syo/Jack/Jill. Not a normal name, no the only name we have for her is her serial killer name which I feel serves to continue to show her as this inhuman thing where we all go, Oh god oh fuck time to be afraaaaid.

But hey, let’s look at what they did right.

The backstory of how genocider came to be is really accurate to how it works. Fukawa has a history of abuse at a young age, and genocider eventually comes into the picture to protect her.

Let me explain: So this is a theory on my part (Check out Weeby Newz’s youtube video, that’s where I got this) but Fukawa was revealed to have suffered massive emotional abuse at the hands of a boy who she had romantic interest in. Since he was moving away, she decided to confess her love to him in a letter before this happened. Turns out the boy pinned the letter in her classroom so everyone would make fun of her. Dick move.

I think genocider formed after this specific event, firstly because this is a huge defining experience for Fukawa. Additionally, the way genocider acts serves to prove this. Her target victims are boys, and her first victim was the boy who hurt Fukawa. I mean yeah, killing was waaaay extreme, but bear with me on this next part:

I’d say that genocider is a protector. A lot of her initial actions were to protect Fukawa from getting hurt in the same way, and protectors do have a history of going to the extreme to protect their hosts and systems. Even though she seems like a persecutor, I don’t think any of her actions have been directed at herself and Fukawa, they actually seem to have a decent relationship, and to end this theory that is completely non canon and just me pretending I’m smart, I’d call her a protector.

Next, looking at the relationship they have. Genocider at one point tells the protagonist that they have a “non disclosure policy” when they switch when the other is in the middle of something. (like murder??) And I personally really liked this, as it was a kind of realistic DID humor in my eyes. Take it or leave it, that’s my opinion.

And that’s really all I have on that behalf. Genocider really isn’t shown as a “normal person” often, which I guess is the point but also leaves me with nothing to evaluate. (Side note, this is only V1 of the series and I’m aware she changes but dear god go easy on me)

Finally, here are a few things that I find a little weird tbh.

At first glance when they switch, it’s a touch accurate, if over dramatic. Losing consciousness and coming to as a different alter is possible so I do like that, however they also have her constantly switching when sneezing, which is a little out there.

I mean, I think I’ve done that before, but for it to be a consistent theme, idk. Maybe overdramatized again.

Secondly, there is a voice change, which is accurate, but it really just serves to fit the crazy image, so I’m conflicted on that.

So that is really all I can say on that specifically, to end things I’m going to talk about one other character Fukawa has interactions with, Togami. (He has a first name but I can’t spell/remember it.)

So I gravitated towards him while watching the series because he reminds me of me, hence me saying that he seems to be a dead ringer for npd. Let me explain.

He’s very cold and distant from others and obviously feels superior, additionally he is willing to fight tooth and nail to consistently be on top and win in any situation, leading to him doing some fucked up things.

But like I feel for him. It’s like watching me XD

His past was a very competitive cuthroat environment, where he was taught that losing is worse than death. Additionally he was almost groomed to be this untouchable figure so it’s no surprise that he believes that. I might make a second post about him because there’s a lot more I can say, but I’m going to double back to Fukawa now.

So Fukawa gains a very unhealthy obsession with Togami, despite him wanting literally nothing to do with her. He’s verbally abusive to her and does go out of his way to attack her, but she thinks it’s a sign of love. Poor Fukawa.

This also kind of fits with NPD, because we can have some pretty gravitating personalities. I think the attraction has a lot to do with Fukawa’s mental state, but I just found it interesting that the emotional abuse victim gravitates to Togami of all people.

So I brought him up for that above thought I had, and also to compare this last point. So Fukawa was confirmed to have DID, like it was specifically stated. To my knowledge it was never stated that Togami has NPD, but I strongly assume that he does. (key word assume, I could be wrong.)

So I found it interesting that Togami has this very accurate portrayal of NPD without ever confirming that he has NPD, while Fukawa is specifically confirmed to have DID while having a semi accurate portrayal. I think the writer really wanted to include mental illness in his story line and I doubt he intended anything to be intentionally harmful.

Writing mental illness into a story is very very very tricky, and it’s practically impossible to satisfy everyone, but the fact that he did do it is in my opinion, very bold.

He made good and less good choices, but overall he did make very compelling characters. Genocider admittedly fits better in this plotline as a crazy killer than she would as a realistic alter, but this is fiction.

So final statements: Toko Fukawa is not a bad character. I like a lot about her and overall I think she is very well written. Genocider is very less developed and more of a surprise plot twist than a character, which is unrealistic. The writer made some very awkward choices from a realistic standpoint despite it fitting well with his story.

So overall, she really isn’t a good portrayal of DID. You can enjoy her character like I did, but the main takeaway here is to not take her as a realistic portrayal. I know it seems obvious but this is the kind of thing that forms unhealthy ideas in viewers.

I’m not hating on Danganronpa or Toko, I actually really loved both. I’ve tried to stop ranting about fictional works that I hate. I used to be a loose fucking canon but I realized that I had been bashing a few autistic friend’s special interests, so now I try to be hyper aware that a fictional work might mean everything to someone even if I personally disliked it.

But that isn’t the case here because again I loved Danganronpa XD

So friends, that about does it for me. I liked doing this kind of analysis so if you want me to do more, send them my way XD

My next post will probably be the syscourse analysis if I can get that done before I get an easier topic. So thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, thank you for the ask anon.

And I’m now out of words. You all should be happy. XD

[minah-delacroix]

At any price (Part VII)

Universe: Dynasty AU

Characters: Minah, Tyler, Daniel (briefly)

Word count: 2,1 k

Addiction

Tyler and Minah are like a drug to each other. As days pass by what was initially meant to be some sort of ridiculous ploy to get over Sungjae soon becomes something Minah loses control over and almost tastes like an addiction. Somewhere between their unspoken agreement and sex by a pool, whatever it is they have has sent Minah’s judgment flying out the window. The smug smirk plastered on Tyler’s face every time she pronounces his name, suggests he’s fully aware of it and enjoys the power he holds over her. Under normal circumstances, Minah would’ve been mortified, but given the fact she wants to keep Sungjae off her mind, she doesn’t care as long as her nights —and days— are spent with her body pressed against Tyler’s, having fun between the sheets of his canopy bed. Or on top of his mahogany desk. Or hers.

Today it’s the sofa in their office; a purchase Tyler had deemed unnecessary, but that now seems useful as he lays shirtless on it, arms up under his head. Amused, the man follows Minah’s attempts to cover the marks on her neck with a one-of-a-kind ‘Jeu des Omnibus et Dames Blanches’ carré Hermès that he managed to snatch from a private collector, a first edition as rare as Minah herself.

“Don’t tell me you’re leaving already” Tyler sits up, his voice laced with an evident intention that turns even more obvious as he slides to Minah’s side, his lips tracing kisses along her clavicle.

Minah can guess what he wants without even looking at him.

Over the past months working together and a couple of weeks sleeping with him, Minah has learned that Tyler Lee likes grand gestures and despises dullness. The fact she has a ten thousand euro worth piece of silk wrapped around her neck to hide the love bites he left on her skin it’s a testament to it. It is as arousing as it is embarrassing, so she tries to stop Tyler’s attempts to untie the scarf, but she knows she’s fighting a lost battle because there’s not ever a time Tyler lets her go without a second round. And for that, lately, she’s as thankful as she’s equally exhausted  —or at least Enzo has pointed out so every time they meet for lunch—.

“Did you read our end-year report?” Minah questions, pushing Tyler’s head gently and looking at him in the eyes. He clicks his tongue, but can’t even begin to get mad at her because there’s an angelic aura of sexual afterglow surrounding Minah that distracts him from reality and the fact she’s glaring at him.

Ignoring the small dent between her brows, he reaches over and plants a sloppy kiss on Minah’s lips,

“I should’ve learned it by now” he laughs when Minah breaks the kiss and starts fastening her Kiki de Montparnasse corset “Discussing business is your version of an after-sex cigarette” Minah gives Tyler that faint half deprecatory, half seductive smile she is so good at and shakes her head “But I’ll give you some credit, at least you’ve moved past the this-is-the-last-time-we-do-it speech” Tyler teases, pulling her into his lap and lowering his head to hers.

“No, this really is the last time” Minah whines, but it is evident her words are empty because her body instinctively responds to his lingering touches “I don’t want people thinking we’re doing business together because we share a bed”

“You mean a couch” Tyler corrects “Or a desk, or the bar” he continues, giving Minah soft pecks on the cheeks “The only time we leave this office is to do it on the balcony or home”

“Well, had you read the report, you’d understand why.” Minah knows she’ll have her legs wrapped around Tyler in a few minutes without much effort on his part, but she still attempts to direct Tyler’s attention to the problem at hand. “Our company isn’t as profitable yet” Minah rolls her eyes when Tyler starts kissing her neck again and unclasping her corset “And this is not exactly helping-” she groans.

“Now, isn’t it?” A cocky grin stretches out on Tyler’s face when Minah shifts under him.

Minah still wants to protests, but she gives in once again, mentally scolding herself for allowing Tyler to get away with it every single time.

Foreign territory

An hour or so later Tyler slips a black turtleneck sweater over his head. Across the room, Minah buttons a silk transparent blouse that allows the corset underneath to flaunt her perfect figure. A strategic choice that had a lot to do with Tyler and little with the fact she had been summoned to Delacroix Manor for, in the words of her aunt Valerie, another meeting revolving around the preservation of Delacroix Corp and the family —which Minah had pointed out was basically the same thing.

“So, the end-year report,” Minah says without preamble. She struggles again trying to find the perfect way to tie her silk scarf and effectively hide the hickeys on her neck, which amuses Tyler enough to make him chuckle.

“You know we’ve been on the market less than a year, it was expected we ended the year like this” Though Tyler’s face suddenly turns serious, Minah still can detect a double sense to his words, especially because he’s buckling his belt as he speaks.

“And when do I ever settle for the expected?” Minah pouts ever so slightly.

Tyler is about to reply with some witty comeback, the kind he’s so good at making and he doesn’t even have to think of because it just slips past his lips naturally, but he’s interrupted by his phone pinging somewhere in the office. He stands up and scrambles to find it only to realize it’s still in his suit blazer. He practically jogs to get his Tom Ford jacket from the back of his chair and his face contorts in something akin to unhappiness when he finally inspects whatever it is he’s received.

Minah looks at him concerned.

“What’s wrong? Did Harrods ran out of turtlenecks again?” Minah tries to joke, walking up to him and wrapping an arm around his waist.

Tyler shakes his head. His expression is bitter and if she didn’t know better, Minah would assume Tyler looks hurt.

“It’s Tara, she’s bailing on me for Christmas to spend time with Yang and his family” He informs with a somber expression, throwing his phone onto his chair mindlessly.

“Well, it’s only fair, after you ditched her on your birthday for that mystery woman” Minah still recalls how angry Tara seemed after finding out Tyler was seen sailing in a private yacht in the Galapagos after ditching a party she prepared for weeks. It was back when Tyler and Minah were planning the launch of Envoûté and she still lived in her family’s home.  She can also remember Tyler being super secretive about it and Tara ignoring him for weeks after the incident. Thinking about  the whole situation suddenly makes her curious, so she ventures to ask “So, who is she?” Minah moves slyly to face Tyler “Name, age, weight?”

He only laughs and shakes his head

“Oh, come on, Lee, you know about my past” Minah pouts “Why can’t I know about yours?”

Tyler shrugs and Minah doesn’t insist. She’s learned to recognize some boundaries between them and this time his lips appear sealed on the topic, so she walks back to her desk to pick her purse and pulls a Dior 5 Couleurs Eyeshadow Palette and her YSL lipstick from it. She retouches her makeup without even sparing a single glance at Tyler.

Then, out of a sudden, he clears his throat

“There was never another woman, Minah,” He says, simply. The revelation forces Minah to stop smacking her lips together and turn to look at him with a raised brow. “I was visiting my dad.”

To understand the weight of Tyler’s words one must know that Mr. Lee, once upon a time one of the greatest politicians in Asia and formerly one of the richest men on the planet had been sentenced to 8 years in prison for embezzlement, bribery, and corruption. It had been so shameful for Tyler’s mother that she’d ran away with Tara and Tyler back to her parents’ home in London and never looked back. Ever since talking about their father was taboo for the Lee siblings.

“I thought you’d cut ties with him,” Minah says after an uncomfortable silence settles between them, making Minah wonder if she’s ventured way too far into foreign territory. Even if they’re business partners and as of recently “more than friends”, the whole oversharing family secrets seems a bit too personal for her liking. Tyler seems to think the same judging by the way he keeps his answer curt and free of any further detail.

“I am trying to fix it” Tyler tries to appear nonchalant as he walks toward Minah, “And because of that, Tara is giving me the cold shoulder” he adds, closing the distance between them and sliding his hands down Minah’s back.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Minah says cupping his face with both hands, she almost seems ready to coo at him and how cute he looks when he’s sulking “I hope she comes around,” she says, letting her hands fall to rest on his chest.

“It’s just as likely as you getting the company out the red” Tyler presses a soft peck on the tip of Minah’s nose and she automatically scrunches it up as though he’s done something disgusting, but it’s actually the realization of how domestic and couple-like they are acting at the moment what makes her react that way.

“This is a season for miracles,” she says, pulling away from Tyler, at the very last second, before his lips come into contact with hers.

“And sorry, but I have to go see my grandparents. They want to negotiate my return to their home” Minah says, briefly picking her coat, her purse, and rushing to the door, leaving a very confused Tyler behind.

Festive spirit

When Minah arrives at Delacroix Manor, her grandparents, aunts, and Suho are waiting by the door, looking nothing less than picture-perfect. So much that the image almost seems fake and makes Minah wish she’d stayed with Tyler instead. They’re all wearing matching festive colors, so although she’s not the slightest bit surprised —after all it’s nearly Christmas— Minah’s outfit clashes with the rest of her family members.

“Intervention or surprise party?” Minah inquires as she climbs the last stairs and finds herself face to face with her grandfather.

“Welcome back, actually,” Her grandmother says, her face not really showing any hint of emotion that allows Minah to discover whether her presence is appreciated or not.

"And not for you” Aunt Valerie adds apologetically.

“Thank God, I was afraid I had to act grateful” Minah walks past her family, ignoring whoever spoke to inform her that  Gabe was returning to the Manor after a short “business” trip Minah knew had to do a lot with his latest scandal and very little with Delacroix Corp.

“Minah” The Delacroix patriarch calls before she manages to sneak inside the manor “Best behavior”

It’s probably the Christmas spirit or the fact Tyler exhausted her too much to complain, but Minah only rolls eyes and takes her spot beside Suho as her brain formulates intricate plans to go back to the Lee Manor before Tara leaves for that college reunion she had scheduled. She thinks she might've found the perfect Christmas gift for the Lee siblings.

However, Minah doesn’t make it to Lee Manor that night because both Suho and her finally get those apologies they’d been expecting, and with her thoughts clouded by the emotive moment, she agrees to move back to the manor, even if it’s just for the holidays. It’s a start and everybody seems happy with that. Even Minah’s grandparents.

That’s why the next morning Daniel Choi parks Tara’s Mercedes S-Class in front of a row of topiaries by the entrance of Delacroix Manor. He can't quite believe he allowed Tyler to convince him of joining Tara —who's maneuvering out of the car holding a heavy bowling bag— and Minah in whatever ridiculous activity they were planning for the day, so he curses his best friend silently as he steps out of the car. It’s the third time in a row that Tyler stands him up and he’s beginning to feel it’s about time he packs his bags and goes back to New York.

“Or probably not” Daniel says, noticing that cutie from the other day—Seokjae or whatever his name is— walking in their direction.

...