#myself included but...not all unicorns and rainbows...

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Just the Two of Us: Table for Two

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Steve Rogers

Summary: you meet someone you never expect at the grocery store.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

“It’s not exactly coffee,” Steve says as he sits across from you, setting down a cup before you. “Pumpkin cream, special delivery.” 

“Oh, sorry, I guess I should’ve mentioned. I don’t do much caffeine. It makes me jittery,” you explain. 

“That’s fine. I don’t have it very often. Don’t really need it...” he flicks the side of his own cup. “The serum, you know.” 

“Serum...” you say. 

“Oh, uh, it was the stuff they gave me to make me the way I am,” he sits back, pressing his palm against the cup. 

“Right, right, sorry. I guess I forgot.” 

“Forgot?” He echoes. 

“Yeah, I mean, just that... I mean yeah, you’re Captain America but I just... I guess...” you can’t quite organize your thoughts. “Also, you’re Steve, the guy who is sworn enemies with self-checkout machines.” 

“Wow, we’re already joking about that?” His brows arch. 

“No, no, I’m not joking,” you say with a sly bat of your lashes. 

“Huh, you’re not as nice as you look, are you?” He clucks. 

“I have been taught to respect my elders so I’ll just agree,” you say. 

He stares at you and for a moment, you think you’ve gone too far. His blue eyes stick to you, pale yet vibrant, and his jaw is chiseled and perfect. You gulp. 

He laughs before you can apologise, He shakes his head, “you got me. If you hadn’t swooped in to help this geriatric, I’d still be fighting that scanner.” 

“Well, I got a leg up. I used to stand behind one of those daily. I’m sure if I was given a shield, I couldn’t do much with it,” you grin. 

You lift your cup and blow over it, taking a sip of the cream. Mm. The spices aren’t too strong or anything. 

“Maybe not but there’s all sorts of ways to save people. To help them,” he says. 

“I guess,” you agree and look around. “This place is nice. You been here before?” 

“Nope. Gotta be honest, I try to keep to myself. Public places aren’t exactly--” 

“Oh my god, I knew it!” A shrill squawk makes you flinch. A girl appears in a pair of thick-framed glasses like cat eyes, tugging along another by her wrist. They look about your age but colourful. She sports a rainbow jacket as her friend wears a polka dot dress. Their accessories are all novelties from various nostalgic sci-fi shows. 

“Captain,” the woman salutes. She is an adult after all, yet you feel she’s a bit childish in the way she stands agog of the man across from you. 

“Hi,” the other waves shyly. 

You hide behind your cup. You feel like an intruder on the moment. And you can tell by the tic in Steve’s cheek that he’s uncomfortable. Still, he turns to them and smiles. 

“Hello, how are you?” He asks. 

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh,” the girl in the rainbow jacket fans herself, “we’re like your biggest fans. I can’t believe you’re here.” 

The other one giggles. 

“Would you like me to sign something--” 

“Can we get a picture? She blusters over him.  

He keeps his picturesque smile and nods. He stands as the girl looks at you, “hey, you, do you wanna like, take our photo?” 

You blanch but get up. Steve glances at you with a glint of concern, “you don’t have to--” 

“I don’t mind,” you assure him as she hands over her cell. “Everyone squeeze in.” 

You step away from the table and aim the lens at the them. The unicorn horn on the phone case makes it difficult to angle. Steve stands between them as they flutter with joy. 

“Now say cheese,” you say. You click a few frames and lower the phone, “here, think I got some good ones.” 

You give the woman back her phone and she greedily checks the pictures. She squeals and shows the other. Steve sits as you go to join him at the table. 

“So, like, are you dating her?” The rainbow-adorned woman bats her eyes behind her lenses. “Because I heard you were with Sharon Carter and you two broke up on your last mission.” 

“Jamie,” the other girl whispers. 

“Sharon’s a work colleague. And a professional,” Steve insists, kind but blunt. “You two have a great day. It was nice to meet you.” 

“I don’t believe you,” she insists. 

He dips his chin and shrugs, “well, then I’m sure I can’t say much to convince you.” 

“So, you were dating,” she accuses. 

“Excuse me,” you intone. “Hi,” you give a small wave from your side of the table, “I’m not trying to be rude but we were in the middle of a conversation.” 

Steve says your name quietly, “you don’t gotta--” 

The girl raises her phone and snaps a picture of you before you can say anything else. Then she takes a step back and takes one of both of you. You frown as Steve stands. 

“Hey, what are you doing?” 

“No one ever told me you were an asshole,” she sneers. “And a liar. I’m going to put this all over Tiktok. And Insta.” 

Your heart races as you stare at her phone case. That was so strange and uncalled for. “Can you please delete that?” 

Your voice is drowned out by her rant about her socials. Steve crosses his arms, “I’m telling you to leave, right now.” 

“Oh, Captain, what are you going to do?” She sticks her tongue out. 

“Please delete it,” you say again, still unheard. 

“Now,” he growls. 

The girl’s taunting smirk falls from her lips. Her friend yanks on her arm and they both flee. You stare after them, mortified. You hide behind your hands as you measure your breaths. It’s fine. A long shot. You’re just paranoid. 

“You okay? I’m so sorry. I shoulda warned you,” he says. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just... I don’t really... go online. Like I don’t share my picture,” you lower your hands slowly. “She didn’t even ask.” 

“I’m sure she has all of five followers,” he scoffs, “hey,” he reaches across the table. “You sure you’re okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I can’t--” you exhale and rein in your nerves. “That happen a lot?” 

He shrugs. 

“Wow. I couldn’t do that. I already knew you were brave but that is a lot. And you were so nice, despite that attitude,” you shake your head. Suddenly you realise why he was so uptight when you recognised him earlier. 

“Thanks for trying to help,” he says, “it’s a habit of yours, isn’t it?” 

“Big help I was,” you tut. 

“Well, if you weren’t here, it would’ve been awful but it’s not so bad.” He smiles as he considers you, “you told them to go away so nicely and you didn’t have to.” 

“Yeah, I’m not one for confrontation but that was pretty intense.” You say. 

“I should keep you around,” he chirps. “Like a bodyguard or something.” 

You laugh, “okay, now you’re making fun of me.” 

[7-ate-9]

I love Isabella Garcia-Shapiro for so many reasons.

She’s Hispanic AND Jewish, which is awesome. She canonically celebrates Chanukah and eats both Hispanic and Jewish cuisine.

But more importantly, she shows little girls that you don’t have to be masculine to be strong. Isabella wears pink and wears a bow and a dress, she very much likes boys, and she loves things like ponies and unicorns and rainbows. But she also is a Fireside Girl. She is a strong girl who shows up adult men in strength and brains. She shows little girls and kids in general that you can be feminine and like “girly” things but still be strong and be a leader. She’s an independent thinker and she comes up with great ideas. Even as a cartoon character in a kids’ show from 2008, she passes the Bechdel test. She’s smart and independent and shows kids that girls can be feminine but also strong and smart and a leader.

So many characters show that girls can only have those qualities if they abandon all feminine traits entirely. You can’t be strong if you like pink and dolls and ponies and rainbows. Every girl I know went through a phase where they detested all things ‘girly,’ including myself. I hated pink and purple and sparkly, I hated dolls and anything bright, and I detested dresses and makeup. I thought those things made a girl weak. Everything I saw only had strong girls and women wearing dark clothes, wearing pants, with short hair or putting their hair up, with deep voices and bad attitudes, being rude and heartless. All girls see this and, at least in my experience, come to believe that they can’t like feminine things if they want to be strong.

Isabella is not like that. Isabella is the strongest character in Phineas and Ferb, but she’s also the most feminine. She loves rainbows and unicorns. Her room is pink. Her wardrobe is pink. She only wears dresses and skirts. She has a high-pitched voice. But she’s extremely capable of outwitting and beating boys. She’s still incredibly kind and confident. She’s caring, but she’s still strong.

If there’s one thing about Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, it’s that she shows little girls that femininity and strength are not exclusive, and in fact can be most effective when used together.

[fernthewhimsical]

Unicorn Crystals

Here is a list of some crystals associated with Unicorns. Under the cut I have included more info, as well as where the link to unicorns comes from.

Unicorn Stone (lepidolite and pink tourmaline)

Lepidolite

Kunzite

Ametrine

Girasol

Selenite

Pink Amethyst

Opalite

Peridot

Clear Quartz

Peacock Ore

Rainbow Moonstone

Golden Healer

Golden Rutilized Quartz

Unicorn Crystals

Unicorn Stones

Also called: Unicorn Crystal, Pegmatite, Lepidolite and tourmaline Unicorn stone is lepidolite with pink tourmaline in pegmatite, often with (smokey) quartz to bind them together. Hardness: Unknown, tourmaline is 7.0 – 7.5, while quartz is 7.0 How to identify it: A purple stone with pink flecks, either completely purple and pink, or set within white. Important safety information: None Magical associations/uses: Unicorn energy, connecting other realms, intuition, brings joy, gently calming, self love, balance between mind and body, good for meditation, cleansing, attracting positivity Sources connecting it to unicorns: myself

Lepidolite

Also called: Lithium glimmer Hardness: 2.5 – 3.0 mohs, tumbled stones and the like are often combined with quartz, making them more durable How to identify it: Soft purple and pink opaque stone. It has mica in it so it shimmers gently, especially in its raw form. Important safety information: Raw lepidolite can split easily, because it is built up of layers of mica Magical associations/uses: Unicorn energy, pleasant dreams, brings joy, helps set and keep boundaries, gently calming, self love, authenticity, discovering magical talents Sources connecting it to unicorns: mentioned in Llewellyn’s little book of Unicorns by Angela A. Wix, and Unicorn Magic by Tess Whitehurst

Kunzite

Also called: Lilac spodumene Hardness: 6.5 – 7.0 mohs How to identify it: Transparent stone in a very subtle pink to lilac colour. The way you look through this stone determines what colour you see. It is pleochroistic, when looked through it length wise the colour will look purple, when looked through it side wise it is pink to transparent. Important safety information: Fades in sunlight Magical associations/uses: Love and dedication in all its forms, heals heartache, brings vitality and youthfulness, helps against stage-fright, brings creativity and new ideas Sources connecting it to unicorns: mentioned in Llewellyn’s little book of Unicorns by Angela A. Wix, and Unicorn Magic by Tess Whitehurst

Ametrine

Also called: Trystine, Bolivianite (in the past) Hardness: 7.0 mohs How to identify it: A natural mix of amethyst and citrine, this is a transparent crystal in (deep) purple and yellow Important safety information: Fades in sunlight Magical associations/uses: Intuition, sense of calm and control, creativity, new ideas, steadfastness, brings joy, concentration, harmony between spirituality and intellect, contentment, helps stay happy even in adversity Sources connecting it to unicorns: mentioned in Llewellyn’s little book of Unicorns by Angela A. Wix

Girasol

Also called: girasol opal, water opal Hardness: 5.0 – 6.0 How to identify it: Girasol is a type of transparent (hyalite) opal with a blue light or sheen that follows the light source. Important safety information: Can fade in sunlight, do not clean in water Magical associations/uses: Protection, brings joy, optimism, love of life, authenticity, creativity, stimulates interest in art and appreciation for beauty, love, passion, inner peace, insight into the subconscious, making new friends Sources connecting it to unicorns: myself

Selenite

Also called: Satin spar, Desert rose, Gypsum flower, Maria glass (transparent selenite) Hardness: 2.0 mohs How to identify it: Selenite is a crystalline form of gypsum stone. It comes in different colours: white, yellow, orange, red, and transparent. It is semi-opaque and has a satiny sheen. Important safety information: Chips and breaks easily, dissolves in water Magical associations/uses: Moon magic, unicorn energy (especially carved spirals), lunar unicorn energy, magic, positivity, intuition, journeying, cleansing, meditation, divination, calming, rest. Sources connecting it to unicorns: mentioned in Llewellyn’s little book of Unicorns by Angela A. Wix, Unicorn Magic by Kitty Bishop, Diane Cooper

Pink Amethyst

Hardness: 7.0 mohs How to identify it: A transparent to semi-transparent crystal in an earthy, dusty pink colour. A newly discovered stone, this was first mined in 2019 in Patagonia, Argentina. Pink amethyst gets it dusty pink colour from the inclusion of hematite, where rose quartz gets it from the inclusion of titatium, iron, and manganese. Therefor pink amethyst is closer to regular amethyst than any other quartz, but it’s power softer and closer to earth. Important safety information: Fades in sunlight Magical associations/uses: Love, the heart, relieves stress, compassion, empathy, emotional balance, self love, self-confidence, intuition. Sources connecting it to unicorns: myself

Opalite

Also called: Opal (this is false), Opaline Hardness: 5.0 mohs How to identify it: Milky white, translucent stone with blue or pink hues. It almost resembles the unicorn’s iridescent coat. Important safety information: None, it is glass Magical associations/uses: Tranquility, softness, water, healing, inner wisdom, communication Sources connecting it to unicorns: mentioned in Llewellyn’s little book of Unicorns by Angela A. Wix

Peridot

Hardness: 6.0 – 7.0 mohs How to identify it: A transparent stone in a bright spring green, often only available in small stones Important safety information: Can fade in sunlight Magical associations/uses: Brings joy, self-confidence, opens the heart to love, also of the self, abundance, prosperity, connecting with nature, connecting with the Fair Folk (and therefore unicorns), compassion, promotes kindness, empathy, strengthens your self worth, inner feeling of warmth and contentment “like sitting in the sun on a spring day” Sources connecting it to unicorns: mentioned in Llewellyn’s little book of Unicorns by Angela A. Wix

Clear Quartz

Also called: Mountain quartz, Mountain crystal Hardness: 7.0 mohs How to identify it: A transparent and clear quartz stone, sometimes with cracks that can reflect rainbows like a prism. Important safety information: None Magical associations/uses: Strengthens any working, brings clarity, cleansing, meditation, healing, hopefulness, programmable stone, conducts and channels energy, concentration, protection Sources connecting it to unicorns: mentioned in Llewellyn’s little book of Unicorns by Angela A. Wix, Unicorn Magic by Tess Whitehurst, Unicorn Magic by Kitty Bishop, Diane Cooper

Peacock Ore

Hardness: 3-3.25 mohs How to identify it: A sulfite mineral with a copper base and iridescent hue. The texture is rough. The iridescent hue is a natural occurrence due to copper, iron, and sulphur, so it is not man made. Important safety information: None Magical associations/uses: Working galaxy magic, spiritual journeying, self-confidence and self-esteem, pride workings Sources connecting it to unicorns: mentioned in Llewellyn’s little book of Unicorns by Angela A. Wix

Rainbow Moonstone

Hardness: 6.0 mohs How to identify it: White translucent stone with a blue opalescent flash. Sometimes with black specks in it as well. Important safety information: None Magical associations/uses: Moon magic, lunar unicorn energy, magic in general, calmness, uplifting, dream work, spiritual growth, connect with your inner self Sources connecting it to unicorns: mentioned in Llewellyn’s little book of Unicorns by Angela A. Wix, and Unicorn Magic by Tess Whitehurst

Golden Healer

Also called: limonite quartz Hardness: 7.0 mohs How to identify it: A clear quartz with a natural golden yellow colour. It gets its colour from the amount of iron inside the quartz, and the colour can range from yellow to dark brown Important safety information: None Magical associations/uses: Sun magic, solar unicorn energy, healing, creativity, inspiration, courage, seeing the truth, prosperity, freedom, contentment, bring joy and energy Sources connecting it to unicorns: myself

Golden Rutilized Quartz

Also called: Rutile in quartz, sagenite Hardness: 7.0 mohs How to identify: A clear quartz with inclusions of golden needle-like strands, almost looking like unicorn hair. Important safety information: None Magical associations/uses: Sun magic, solar unicorn energy, hope, confidence, courage, growth, strengthens spirituality, cheerful energy, independence, self love, healing, protection, setting and keeping boundaries, inspiration, motivation, abundance

[msbarrows]

Jun 16 - finished the current scarf, and with perfect timing; I just received more yarn today, including some mixed greens alpaca-nylon yarn I ordered to try out and see whether or not my allergies can work with it. Hopefully yes, as I'd like to make myself an infinity scarf using it. It's so fuzzy! O.o

Also ordered a skein of a multistrand unplied novelty yarn from the same Etsy shop, in a 'Metal Peacock' colourway, because I love its deep blue and green colour. Though since it's multistrand, that skein is only about 17 yards of it. The shop owner also threw in a small free ball of a second novelty yarn.

Not entirely sure what I want to attempt using the novelty yarns for, though the small ball of pink and yellow might work to decorate the ends of a kid-sized straight scarf in pastel rainbow colours or similar (I'm already thinking of it as a farting unicorn scarf). The peacock novelty yarn might be enough to edge all around a larger scarf (though not the alpaca one!). I was worried the novelty yarn might be stiff and scratchy, but it's actually pretty soft, helped by the fluffier strands.

Supper tonight was beef wraps.

[cookiekitkat8484]

dipper hcs

This is super long, like 2000 words super long because i have a huge hyperfixation and cringe culture is dead. he reminds me of me and my friends/family so i have a million ideas. split into topics for reading convenience

low 20s, autistic, bi + demi with a preference for women, ftm. I totally understand people disliking ftm dipper because of stan and mabel making fun of his masculinity and it would be shitty in canon but this is my post so i make the rules bitch and am pretending that never happened. None of this is ship stuff. I imagine him to basically look like the lovley art in this post.  

shares an apartment with mabel in portland, completely full of nerd memorabilia, stacks of boardgames, mabels diys, a conspiracy corkboard, and arts & crafts materials 

works in a bar/arcade where wendy bartends, calls soos and fidds when he needs help fixing machines

pet ferret called pippin

started his own journal 

pacificas plus one to her prissy rich person events, sit in the corner and shit talk

carries around fidget toys, was too embarrassed till mabel convinced him (partially because his pens kept exploding everywhere)

has protective runes tattooed 

mabel talks about astrology to be annoying, is baited into getting mad and rambling about how modern astrology is fake and a scam every single time

nervous driver, doesnt have a car but is sometimes driven by mabel in her heavily adorned funmobile; worries about her "enthusiastic" driving

helps mabel dye her hair after a three am hair emergency, got really good and started bleaching pacificas till she decided to chop it and grow it out natural (refused money from her parents after moving out), which used to be the ultimate gossip sessions

joint problems and pain, god awful posture

one sided beef with all of mabels partners till they “prove themselves”

doesnt believe in cooking like he (mainly) used to not believe in laundry

punched someone for making fun of mabel, got beat up so mabel kicked their asses (thank you stan and wendy for her "training")

only social media is reddit, an instagram account made and run by pacifica, youtube, and a tumblr on nerd/mystery stuff 

only has tumblr bc candy convinced him in like 2014 then he succumbed to the brain rott, they're mutuals and make weird references no one else gets, personalises blog extensively via html/css, had a brief superwholock phase in 2015 (fight me)

coded mabels laptop into a custom 2000s esc blinged out hellscape she made in graphic design class, got her rgb stuff bc she likes rainbows and he thinks its funny

occasionally clashes with mabel bc shes sensory seeking and he gets sensory overload

pacifica takes him clothes shopping bc otherwise he will literally never buy new clothes, sometimes go thrifting with mabel the thrift god

mildly dyslexic and in denial

needs glasses but usually wears contacts because he finds them annoying then forgets to take them out

wears glasses when he misses the grunkles

Sugar addict like mabel and their pantry shows it 

Best nerd shirt collection, like, that's all he wears

Gets into online arguments way too much for no reason 

Mabel makes like ten different protective friendship bracelets with unicorn hair so he could have options, just wears all of them at once

uni

journalism major with a minor in computer science 

takes history, pure maths, and film units as electives 

member/helps run the clubs for DnD [DD&MD], MTG, Warhammer, and scifi & fantasy appreciation

founder and president of the uni cryptozoology, supernatural, aliens, and occult society (CSACS)

gets ford to proof read his writing/math and fidds his code

attends lectures for units hes not even enrolled in for fun

has gotten into multiple arguments with professors, including ones that dont even teach him 

has read theory (all people who’ve read theory are annoying including myself)

hobbies

goes to cons with mabel, she helps with (/mainly makes for him) matching cosplays to fill the trick or treating void

once met spock and kirks actors and got so excited he passed out so mabel took pics of him on the floor next to them and she thinks its the funniest thing to ever exist

DMs multiple online DnD [DD&MD] and ttrpgs groups, 3.5e truther

competes in MTG tournaments 

does karaoke night with mabel and the gals atleast once a month, sometimes brings pacifica 

goes to the renaissance fair with the squad where him, mabel, ford, and soos all dress up and get super into character with melony; wendy and stan take shrooms and go to watch the sword fighting 

listens to DnD podcasts 

ex band kid and still plays Sousaphone, often to mabels dismay 

obsessed with boardgames and hosts boardgame nights, always makes everyone play super overcomplicated ones then has to play monopoly when its stan and mabels choice

almost always wins boardgames and knows how every mechanic works, has only occasionally lost to ford (who is a sore loser lol)

has had risk games last multiple days after its only him and ford left

bonds with mabel and soos painting figures (warhammer, dnd, the usual) and embraces her covering hers in glitter and gems

goes ghost hunting, has a shit tone of real gear from ford and fidds and sometimes vlogs, quotes buzzfeed unsolved

secret AO3 account, caught grunkle stan writing dutches approves fics but both have sworn an oath of secrecy 

wendy taught him skateboarding, doesnt do tricks (uncoordinated as shit) but uses it as transport

broke bc he cant resist collectables 

made his own pc from scratch using parts he bought and custom ones made by fidds

goes to local band concerts with wendy and her gang including watching wendy play drums

Did debate in highschool, usually gets nervous doing public speaking but gets so invested he forgets; is second speaker

tech guy for productions mabel is in

games 

loves all strategy and puzzle games

fav games include fallout 1&2, nethack, xcom, civ, FTL, and dwarf fortress

ford and fidds play games they used to play before the portal accident with him eg. zork, MUD1, rouge, star trek, colossal cave adventure, and mystery house

plays portal 2 with ford and sometimes mabel

plays baldurs gate with mabel and she spent five hours doing character customisation, he plays wizard and she plays bard and both are total stereotypes

played lethal company and phasmophobia with mabel, soos, wendy, grenda, and candy (goes as expected) (lots of screaming)

BDG unravelled fan and grew up on matpat but cant play fnaf or ddlc bc giffany 

had a breakdown playing dark souls and started crying at 2am so mabel banned it permanently

spectacularly bad at rhythm games but will play with mabel anyway and she completely sweeps, esp in arcades and just dance

plays bishi bashi with the gang and have broken the machine multiple times

really good at retro arcade games, shares strats with soos and remembers all the combos for everything; helps kids beat levels at work

gets ford to help optimise game stats/teams/strats with the POWER OF MATHS !!!, has on occasion coded algorithms to assist 

forced everyone to play among us constantly for like three months straight

member of mabel, candy, and grendas chaotic nightmare of a minecraft server, usually offline and generally regrets it when he joins; more of a terraria guy

undertale kid

ports/emulates games himself, esp retro console stuff like old fire emblem, Zelda, earthbound

in the ace attorney fandom  

runs a server for online friends he plays games with

shows/movies

does annual lotr (extended edition) marathons with ford, mabel drifts in and out of watching because snacks and that legolas and arwin are both a “total smash” (elf apreciator)

loves all scifi, including classics like star trek, star wars, ext.

watches doctor who with mabel (shes a david tennant enjoyer) including the super old stuff, replies with one of the classic who doctors when people ask his fav and confuse them 

goes to old scifi/horror/fantasy rerun marathons, wendy joins depending on the films

watches scifi and mecha anime with soos and fidds, sometimes ford joins

loves evangelion, knows cruel angels thesis in japanese, lowkey a shinji kinnie and is bullied ruthlessly 

watches candys exquisite curation of 90s shoujo with her, mabel, and grenda; wont admit he gets super into it but has been caught doing sailor moon magical girl transformation poses 

watched madoka magica with the gals and was kuybey hater #1 from the start

never shuts the fuck up about theories and guesses the end of movies unless mabel smothers him with a pillow

hate watches conspiracy theory/ghost hunting shows with wendy bc theyre either laughably wrong or so close and totally missing the obvious, except this one random guy who was somehow spot on (like doug forcett in the good place) 

Made to watch all of twilight at a girls night because mabel (mostly) watched lotr, cant stop overthinking the insane lore implications which somehow get worse with every book fact mabel tells him (because what the fuck ???? the world building is batshit), him and candy keep periodically saying effervescent and bursting into hysterics to the others confusion

still quotes star wars bad lip readings with mabel

books

favs include hitchikers guide to the galaxy, discworld, lotr, do androids dream of electric sheep, earthsea, dune, and HP lovecraft esp cuthullu 

him and ford have both read the salmirilion and make it everyones problem

likes classic scifi and early cyberpunk, esp spec fic thats wacky or raises ethical questions to ponder with ford

loves sherlock homes and agatha christie, big who dunnit story fan

read good omens bc mabel likes the show (again, david tennant enjoyer) and its terry pratchet + neil gaiman, tries to get her to read the book for ages and eventually she listens to the audiobook

music

likes lemon demon, TWERP, starbomb, NSP, tally hall, will wood, and other nerd bands 

they might be giants and potusa enjoyer

owns spirit phone on vinyl, made ford listen once and accidentally gave him flashbacks

can and will recite the entirety of the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny at the drop of a hat

went through a midwest emo phase, still listens to csh

listens to vocaloid with candy; went to a concert with the gals and everyone learnt the dances, mabel decorated their light sticks 

always ends up belting [B]ABBA when drunk

Fav [B]ABBA songs are disco girl and under attack 

weezer defender, bullied by mabel and wendy

listens to math rock with ford while stan complains the time signatures and polyrhythms (though he’d never bother to learn the terms) give him a headache 

listens to game OSTs and chiptune stuff

mabel got him into musicals, knows the words to hamilton, bmc, and dear evan hansen, sing duets together

trans 

once forgot to take off a too small binder for like two days and fainted, mabel made him a custom one

short king, used to have hight dysphoria

mabel alters his pants bc mens trousers are evil for the transmasc gang

didnt shave ever when he first got his wiskers till pacifica staged an intervention 

forgot to tell stan he was trans till he got body hair and stan joked it was his genetics to thank, dipper responded he was lucky the T was actually effective

drinking/drugs

cant smoke weed or he gets suuuuper paranoid, only smoked once w wendy and tried to smoke more to calm down but just ended up greening hard

drinks alcoholic ginger beer and indie APIs wendy recommends, though shes more of a whisky and scotch

super low alcohol tolerance, doesnt drink often

drinks mabels own recipe cocktail monstrosities when she convinces him they wont get shitfaced, always ends up shitfaced because theyre 100% alcohol + sugar and mabels tolerance is like double his; always eventually ends with him trying to explain lotr poorly

once drank so much caffeine he started hallucinating 

tripsits mabel (LSD legend) and sometimes wendy (totally does shrooms), again is neurotic and should under no circumstances take hallucinogens 

sometimes smokes cigs when stressed, tries to hide it but is laughably bad, will ocasionally bum a cig off wendy

[theanxiousbookdevourer]

Barnes & Noble's Pre-Order Sale

Hey, so Barnes & Noble is having a 25%-off sale on pre-orders from Wednesday, April 23 through Friday, April 25. All books, including audiobooks and eBooks, are eligible.

You can use coupon code PREORDER25 to get 25% off pre-orders. If you're a Premium Member, you get an additional 10% off print book pre-orders.

So let's talk about books. I want to focus on three things:

Diverse Books. We need these more than ever.

Books that deal with grief, mental health, quirkiness, and/or the afterlife, as those are the themes I explore in my books.

Books that I feel aren't getting the attention they deserve. Quiet books need love too. :)

Let's get started.

What Comes After by Katie Bayerl Young adult, afterlife April 29, 2025

With classmates disappearing and an afterlife revolution brewing, Mari must decide whether to play it safe or break the rules. At stake? Her eternal fate. Literally.

Dear Virginia, Wait for Me: A Novel by Marcia Butler Adult, mental health May 6, 2025

A sensitive portrait of a vulnerable yet resilient young woman who, with the help of an inner voice and newfound friends, attempts to find her way at the turn-of-the-millennium Manhattan.

A Field Guide to Broken Promises by Leah Stecher Middle grade, mental health May 6, 2025

This tender and imaginative middle grade novel combines a fast-paced plot and reluctant reader appeal with explorations of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and bullying.

If I Could Go Back by Briana Johnson Young adult, mental health, diverse rep May 6, 2025

An achingly compassionate and beautifully empathetic novel exploring the intersections of race, mental health, and the meaning of family.

One of the Boys by Victoria Zeller Young adult, diverse rep May 13, 2025

When a chance meeting cracks the door to college football back open, trans girl Grace has to decide how much of herself she's willing to give up for the game she loves.

Run for the Hills by Kevin Wilson Adult, quirkiness May 13, 2025

An unexpected road trip across America brings a family together, in this raucous and moving new novel from the bestselling author of Nothing to See Here.

A Sharp Endless Need: A Novel by Marisa Crane Adult, diverse rep May 13, 2025

A propulsive and nostalgic coming-of-age novel about an all-consuming relationship between two teammates on a girls’ high school basketball team, from the Lambda Literary Award–winning author of I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself.

Shampoo Unicorn by Sawyer Lovett Young adult, diverse rep May 13, 2025

A powerful and ultimately joyful debut novel about three teens, one podcast, and carving out a rainbow pocket in an otherwise red state.

This Moth Saw Brightness by A.A. Vacharat Young adult, diverse rep, mental health May 27, 2025

A weird and revelatory debut that vividly captures the dislocation of growing up BIPOC and neurodivergent in a country awash in both conspiracy theories and genuine conspiracies.

The Phoenix Pencil Company: A Novel by Allison King Adult, quirkiness June 3, 2025

In this dazzling debut novel, a hidden and nearly forgotten magic—of Reforging pencils, bringing the memories they contain back to life—holds the power to transform a young woman’s relationship with her grandmother, and to mend long-lost connections across time and space.

Amelia, If Only by Becky Albertalli Young adult, diverse rep June 10, 2025

A devoted teen leads her friends on a queer pilgrimage to a celebrity event and wonders if the star she's chasing is the one she really loves after all.

Rewind to Us: A Novel by Molly Morris Young adult, quirkiness June 17, 2025

A high school graduate plans to tell her best friend that she loves him during her annual summer vacation to California but winds up wishing she could have a do-over instead. (Molly Morris blurbed The Yomigaeri Tunnel, and I love her eccentric, heartfelt stories so much.)

One Yellow Eye: A Novel by Leigh Radford Adult, grief, afterlife (zombies) July 15, 2025

In this heart-wrenching and unique spin on the zombie mythos, a brilliant scientist desperately searches for a cure after a devastating epidemic while also hiding a monumental secret—her undead husband.

Pan: A Novel by Michael Clune Adult, mental health July 22, 2025

A strange and brilliant teenager's first panic attacks lead him down the rabbit hole in this wild, highly anticipated debut novel from a distinctive literary mind.

Ghost Fish: A Novel by Stuart Pennebaker Adult, mental health, quirkiness, grief August 5, 2025

A tender coming-of-age novel about a young woman haunted by her sister’s death, who starts to believe that her beloved sibling has returned to her—in the form of a ghost fish.

Once a Villain by Vanessa Len Young adult, diverse rep, grief August 19, 2025

The final book in the lauded Only a Monster trilogy, this is a fast-paced thriller that blurs the division between villain and hero and features a deeply conflicted protagonist caught in the middle. (Vanessa Len also blurbed The Yomigaeri Tunnel, and I am SO excited for this book.)

Vote for the G.O.A.T. by Ali Terese Middle grade, diverse rep August 26, 2025

Banter, activism, self-care, double-crosses, big shenanigans, and even bigger feelings follow as a burned-out soccer star and chronically ill overachiever fight to change how animals are treated at their school and achieve true freedom for their four-legged, sweater-chewing friend in this laugh-out-loud middle-grade heist centering friendship and bodily autonomy.

The Golden Boy's Guide to Bipolar by Sonora Reyes Young adult, mental health, diverse rep September 16, 2025

From bestselling author Sonora Reyes comes a poignant and searingly honest novel following beloved character Cesar Flores as he comes to terms with his sexuality, his new bipolar diagnosis, and more mistakes than he can count.

The Experiment by Rebecca Stead Middle grade, quirkiness September 16, 2025

The Experiment is a fast-paced coming-of-age novel - with aliens - that asks universal questions about how we figure out who we want to be, and whether it’s ever too late to change.

The Court of the Dead: A Nico di Angelo Adventure by Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro Middle grade, diverse rep September 23, 2025

New York Times #1 best-selling authors Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro collaborate again on a new adventure in which Nico di Angelo teams up with his half-sister Hazel Levesque to protect . . . monsters?

Finding Lost by Holly Goldberg Sloan Middle grade, grief October 7, 2025

A stray dog leads to major change for Cordy and her grieving family in this heartwarming new novel by the beloved author of Counting by 7s.

To the Moon and Back: A Novel by Eliana Ramage Adult, diverse rep November 4, 2025

One young woman’s relentless quest to become the first Cherokee astronaut will irrevocably alter the fates of the people she loves most in this tour de force of a debut about ambition, belonging, and family.

How Girls Are Made by Mindy McGinnis Young adult, mental health November 18, 2025

Sex Education meets Euphoria in this dark contemporary novel that tackles perfectionism, emotional abuse, and the dark side of social media.

I'll Find You Where the Timeline Ends by Kylie Lee Baker Young adult, diverse rep November 18, 2025

A teen descendant of a Japanese dragon god must find out the truth of what happened to her missing sister while trying not to fall for a handsome rogue agent in acclaimed author Kylie Lee Baker's magical new YA romance.

Well, that's all I have for you(, she says, after recommending twenty-four books). I obviously love books, and the people who bring them to life, so if you're still here, thank you for staying.

As a reminder, my sophomore YA novel, The Yomigaeri Tunnel, is releasing this summer, July 1, 2025. That means it's eligible for the Barnes & Noble sale. You can see it on B&N here.

If you're wondering what it's about, here's a pitch I wish I had written but unfortunately did not:

This speculative coming-of-age YA novel follows a teenager as she undertakes a magical journey to bring her deceased childhood friend back to life.

Here's the longer version:

Monika can’t bring herself to celebrate her last summer before college. Instead, she’s still grieving the loss of the one classmate who didn’t make it to graduation, a boy named Shun with whom she had a complicated relationship. Then, during her final Japanese Club meeting, Monika hears about the Yomigaeri Tunnel, a local urban legend. Those who venture into this mythological passageway undergo harrowing trials to confront their hidden secrets and worst fears. According to the lore, anyone who makes it through is rewarded with the ability to resurrect one soul from the dead. Monika jumps at the chance to bring back Shun, but she soon discovers she’s not alone. Sharp-tongued and fierce Shiori is hell-bent on reviving her mother and won’t let anyone stop her. As Monika and Shiori confront the ghosts of their pasts, they have to decide: Are they friends, or foes? With fantastical twists, this emotional, offbeat book about hope and healing is an essential read for anyone who’s ever needed a friend in the darkness.

Thank you for reading. Please support diverse, quirk, weird, quiet, and out-there books.

[angelic-din-mortem]

Before you ask...

//Before people ask how I manage to put so many hours into games like FF14, simple again, again, it is my job, and one of the few I am able to do. Streaming has its perks, but I HATE streaming fluff and non-stop lving, so I have to work and do video games 6 to 10 hours a day. Sounds like fun yes? It is to a point... when you are not leveling like I am. *Sighs*

[ingloriousgigi]

I Write Dark Shit, Get Over It!

TW: Rape, Sexual Assault.

Most people know me from my very cute and cozy romances but what people don't also know is that I wrote two books that have dub-con. I will never be one of those queer people who think that they have to subscribe to respectability politics.

I am a rape survivor and an abuse survivor. I have gone through hell and back. I believe that there is a time and a place for dark content (and yes that includes obvious rape fantasies). This is how I work out my trauma and my dark kinks in a safe environment. Because at the end of the day, it's all fiction.

This is not everyone's thing. Hell, it's not every rape survivor's thing. We all deal with our trauma in our own ways. But as an author, I will always give you content warnings in both the book and on my website. I will ways do this so you can know what you are getting into and you can CONSENT to what you are about to read.

There are some authors like E.J. James who obviously do not care about survivors. However, they are some authors (myself very much included) who DO care.

You have triggers or squicks. That is fine. I will always respect that, but what pisses me off when folks want the whole thing abolished because it makes them uncomfortable. Queer people deserve representation that is messy and dark too. It's not all rainbows and unicorns here in the LGBTQ+ community and that needs to be reflected too in a safe space.

And guess what is a safe space? FICTION!

[amysubmits]

What I Do (And Don’t) Share

I got an ask a while back that was sort of poking at the idea of how we don’t really know what people on here share vs what they don’t share. It was in reference to someone else, so I didn’t answer it. I’m not here to speculate on other people and what they do or don’t post. 

However, I do think it’s potentially valuable to try to understand what people do (and don’t) share. Especially if you’re getting your idea of what D/s does (or can) look like from blogs...as many do. On other forms of social media I sometimes see quotes like...’Remember when you’re on (facebook/instagram/whatever) , you’re comparing your ‘behind the scenes’ with someone else’s highlight reels’ 

I think that applies to tumblr too. All forms of online sharing are curated. How much it is ‘edited down’ or what areas people choose to share vs not share is going to vary by person...some may truly only share their best, but nobody shares everything. 

Anyway. Just in case it helps someone...I’ll try to give a rough idea of what types of things I share, and what I don’t share. Of course, I am speaking just for myself, here. Other tumblr users will be different. 

I do share:

- Moments from my D/s relationship that I want to remember. These are often the cute, sweet, deep, powerful or hot moments. Or sometimes just funny ones.  I made a little rule of thumb years ago that if I fid myself repeatedly thinking back to an interaction that CD and I had, then it’s likely worth posting about as it’s probably important to me, or made me feel extra good or something - so it’s worth ‘capturing’ the memory. 

- Experiences from my D/s relationship that I think may help others in some way. This includes things like examples of how we communicated/negotiated, moments of struggle that we worked through, mistakes we made but learned from or grew from. I try to intentionally include some moments that aren’t the typical ‘highlights’ for the sake of showing that living D/s isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. 

- Thoughts or realizations we’ve had about our needs or wants. When I (or we) have little epiphanies about ourselves individually, our dynamic, or our views on D/s, I often share those realizations in case they help others. 

- My thoughts or beliefs about ethical D/s. Again, I like trying to help people. Sometimes through talking to different people about their ‘bad’ D/s experiences, I start to see trends or patterns in behavior. When I realize those ‘red flags’ I sometimes post about them in hopes of helping others to recognize that behavior as a red flag. 

I don’t share:

- Everything. Just in general. I don’t share every sweet moment, every hot moment, every struggle, every anything! Nowhere close, really. How could I? How much I share kind of varies. Sometimes I am in the mood to share a lot and share frequently, sometimes I go through phases of feeling more reserved. 

- Anything that feels too private or like it could risk or anonymity more than we’re comfortable with. 

- Much of our lives outside of our relationship. My goal isn’t really to show our whole lives, this blog is specifically about my relationship with CD. I may occasionally mention other parts of our lives if it’s relevant to the story I’m trying to tell, but you don’t see much about our jobs, our families, etc. 

- Problems or ‘struggles’ while they are ‘raw’. While I try to occasionally share some of the struggles we go through, I always share them after we’ve resolved the problem. While I want to make it clear to people that our relationship isn’t perfect, and that D/s requires work and is sometimes challenging... I also think it’s important to prioritize our emotional needs. I am sometimes slow to process my emotions, and while I find it beneficial to get support from those I am close with, I don’t find it helpful to share my raw, vulnerable feelings with people I’m not close with...and most of my followers are strangers, really. A grand majority of people on here are awesome and supportive, but there are always a few assholes in any group. Sharing raw, vulnerable stuff risks someone being a jerk to you while you’re still vulnerable. I see no reason to do that to ourselves. So when we share struggles, it’s always after we’ve processed and feel comfortable with risking that negative response. These moments probably come off differently when you’re sharing after the issue is resolved. I’ve occasionally had people comment that everything always seems worth it in the end or okay in the end...and yes, for me that is always true! D/s is sometimes challenging, but it’s always well worth it. And with issues, we always come together and find a solution. So you will always see that in my posts...because it’s just true for me. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard on occasion, though. And also? While I do try to share some struggles, it is more instinctual for me to share more of the good than the bad. It’s easy to share a sweet moment or hot moment, it’s harder to put imperfections out there, so I tend to only do so when I know it’s something that people can learn from. This results in more positive being shared than negative...and our relationship is far more positive than negative, so in a way it makes sense. But it’s still also likely true that the negative gets edited out more. 

- Things I’m still making sense of, or still figuring out my feelings on - even if they aren’t ‘struggles’. Sometimes my views or beliefs surrounding D/s change over time. When they’re in the process of changing, I may not be confident enough in my current thoughts/feelings to share publicly. 

And a closing note...

If you find yourself struggling to get an idea of how much of someone’s life you’re seeing? You could just try politely asking them. If you’re kind in your wording and perhaps add on why you’re asking (that you’re struggling with comparing, or are curious how realistic your grasp on what D/s looks like is, etc?) I think a lot of people would be open to discussing that with you. Or at least trying to explain. I know for me it’s hard to get a sense of how strangers may perceive my relationship from this tumblr because I know my whole relationship, I know all the details because I’ve lived it all...so when I write (or go back ad re-read) a post I am likely seeing it with more detail and context than what is literally in the writing. I fill in the gaps without realizing I’m doing so. So I can’t really get in the mindset of a stranger who only knows my relationship from what is literally in the writing. But I’d definitely be open to trying to help explain to someone if they were kind and curious. I don’t mind being open about what I do and don’t share, I suspect others may be open to this as well. 

[spookierdeer]

spike redesign!! full post, i posted the wip a few days ago. more info under the cut!

sorry if what follows seems a little haphazard, i'm still working on fully forming my thoughts so the notes might be written out messily. still all canon until i say otherwise, though!

spike's actual species of dragon is unknown, twilight recieved his egg by mistake during a school project. the eggs were supposed to be under a stasis spell to keep the mysterious species of bird from hatching while under the young ponies' care, but those type of spells don't work on dragon eggs. i may write about how she actually came to receive this egg one day, but today i want to focus on spike!

i'm not confident my sketch of freshly hatched spike really shows him at the size i wanted to go for, as i imagine dragons are curled up inside the eggs completely and there isn't much space inside there once the dragon has fully formed and is close to hatching. so, spike is a pretty chunky baby and while teenage twilight can cradle him, he's still pretty stout.

in my au, dragons don't all eat crystals or minerals! it's actually pretty rare and most species of dragons enjoy full diets not including rocks or gems at all. however the dragons that do eat minerals often have the flashiest and stunning scale patters (crystals and gems) or the most rough to the touch (usually minerals found in lava beds and other highly sulfuric areas). this isn't mutually exclusive! spike has a bright color palette and pretty smooth scaling, but a mineral eating dragon could have just as bright of colors but feel like harsh sandpaper or a rough, rough cliff face. since spike is raised by ponies and quite enjoys minerals, he's gotten used to soft and silky textures and, though he isn't fully aware of how much his preferences and diet shape his scale texture, prefers his sleek scales to the rougher dragons he's seen.

if a dragon has unwanted roughness or is having trouble shedding scales, they may rub their bodies against harsh stone! for generations, before ponies and dragons new more of each other, there were smoothed out stones found in forests and other areas with low populations. they were considered magical by earth ponies and sometimes sacred! turns out, it was just where a dragon had buffed out some rough scales before the ponies found the place.

if spike were to eat magnetized minerals, would his scales become magnetic? probably if he ate enough! decorate your fridge with his yearly shed scales?

in the image i mention that land born dragon eggs are rough and water born dragon eggs are smooth. yes! that is a thing in my au. will i describe spikes egg here? no <3

twilight is basically a teen mom in my au, though by the time my au takes place spike rarely calls her anything other than her actual name. mostly because he thought his best friend being his mom was weird so his solution was to just call her by her real name instead! briliant, obviously. spike does still have a crush on rarity in his younger years, but it's definitely not anything serious. just a kid who thinks his mom's close friend is very nice and pretty! she's basically an aunt to him (the rest of the mane 6 generally act as his aunts, even rainbow who's married to his adoptive mom) and showed him the wonders of spa days and self care. her and fluttershy would take turns babysitting him when he was too young to follow twilight to school or when she was busy doing work for celestia and she couldn't keep an eye on him. after twilight and rainbow started dating, spike basically had this internalized debate of "ok. twilight is my mom. i love her. rainbow is like family. i love her too. it's still kind of weird that they're dating. why??" and basically came to the conclusion that it is ok to not call rainbow dash "mom" after all. he very bravely confronted rainbow about it when they were alone and she was like "it's ok lil dude" but internally was like "god hes precious" and was never worried about what spike called her anyway.

when rigel wisp comes along spike is basically that meme of "i've only known them for 5 minutes, but if anything happened to them i'd kill everthing in the room and then myself" as soon as he gets to hold them for the first time. he's a little bigger than pictured here, but never gets bigger than 5ft head to tail. he's a great older brother and spoils them rotten! he's not quite as close to the other foals of the mane 6+family, but he does try to help out with babysitting and keeping the foals distracted when needed. he's great at keeping them entertained and if the parents sneak him some extra gems when no ones looking, he's definitely not complaining.

i'm still working on a concrete timeline, but i know for sure spike is around 4 years older than flurry heart. timeline for that is twilight hatches spike's egg, shining armor completes training, eventually gets assigned to princess cadence's protection detail, they fall in love and almost immediately have a love boom that produces flurry heart. not sure if cadence knew twilights family when they were all kids or not, i kind of like it better as a love at first sight thing for her and shining armor. her whole thing is love after all! plus, she's the crown princess of the crystal kingdom and twilights parents are just unicorn astronomers. not sure how they'd meet for play dates, being from two separate kingdoms lmao

i'll probably think of more later, maybe i'll eventually write a fanfic like my friends keep telling me to. maybe i'll just keep adding to my obscenely large family tree of the mane 6 instead!

[blackbat05]

You don’t like me when I’m angry (part 2)

Shangqi x Reader

A/N: Part 2 of <You don’t like me when I’m angry> Characters that I came up with are fictional and are not related to real people! I hope the flow is good as well! Did get some ideas from this webtoon, <Unholy Blood> that I was reading and I thought, hey why not right? Again, please enjoy! Hope it did not disappoint🙇🏽‍♀️

Genre: PG 13

Warnings: Maybe just watch out for a bit of detailed descriptions of injuries and the fighting. I tried to insert some themes like coping methods because honestly a superhero life isn’t all unicorns and rainbows - especially when most of them have morals.

‘When all this is over, I’m going to kill you!’ I scream over the bullets that were flying over our heads as we ducked behind the walls for cover. 

‘Why me? It was Katy’s idea!’ Shangqi retorts back, clearly feeling the injustice from the death stare. ‘Ok fine! Kill me all you want after this but we have a big furry problem on hand?’ He takes another shot at the group of henchmen with the rings he had inherited from his father. I slowly loose my vision, as the iris in my eyes turned orange. 

Shangqi sees you transforming into your alter ego and if you weren’t feeling murderous towards the mob boss, it was probably the most beautiful thing he saw. Skin ablaze, he wonders if that was the reason for your high tolerance in general. Meanwhile, more henchmen poured into the tiny hallway like cockroaches. Clearly he and Katy did not think about this in their plan - just how many of them were they?

‘I’ll cover you! Get to Gor before he kills the ambassdor’s family!’ He takes a deep breath, focusing all his energy on the rings to give the strongest blast he could. That was the signal. Breaking out into a sprint, I flew across the bodies that were stacked against each other before coming to a stop at the staircase where Katy was with the ambassador’s wife and child who were both inconsolable 

‘Gor’s got the older kid!’ Katy yelled over the siren from outside. Shit. The police were here. ‘Get them out and help Shangqi, I’ll meet you guys as soon as I can!’ Heck with property damage, a kid’s life was at stake. Charging up as much energy as I could, I broke through the wooden celling, arriving at the rooftop in record time to see Gor dragging the poor kid by the collar. 

‘Stop where you are RIGHT NOW!’ I threw a fireball at his shoulder as a warning. The werewolf stops, turning around menacingly to face me. ‘Let the kid go, they have nothing to do with this.’ 

Minus the kid’s sobbing, the atmosphere was deadly quiet. I didn’t dare to move from my spot least it triggered him. ‘Look, whatever you want, I’m pretty sure the ambassador has it,’ I tried a last ditch attempt reasoning with him, voice strangled in fear. ‘So please, I can stay with you until he gets here. Let the kid go.’ Why I was reasoning with a bloodthirsty werewolf, I had no idea myself.

‘You Avengers…’ Blood was dripping from his fangs. ‘Always so noble. But you see, do you really think that money was all I wanted?’ He pushes the kid over the ledge, cutting their right arm in the process. 

‘NO!’ I ran towards the edge, thinking of the worst. I think of Katy’s words back in the sanctum. More like the Avengers causing an international incident. Instead I see Shangqi carrying the confused kid who was covered in foam - from one of Katy’s trick arrows. The ‘chains’ are no longer holding me back. Gor laughs behind me. Now he’s really done it. 

‘I don’t know why you think this is funny,’ both my fists turned into fire. ‘But that’s ok. I’ll wipe that smirk of your face myself.’ 

The werewolf crazed look tells me that Gor is long gone together with the concept of reality. ‘You should have seen them... ha! The screaming men, women and children... their young blood doesn’t fail to disappoint...’ 

My fist came into contact with his jaw, breaking a few bones along the way. The large figure flies back and slams into the entrance of the staircase. Not giving him a chance to react, my arm replicates a sword on fire. ‘You... you killed children... innocent lives and FOR WHAT!’ I felt my body temperature going past the normal range, heart about to beat out of my chest. ‘I’m going to make you feel what they felt.’ 

Plunging the sword into his chest, the werewolf thrashed around violently, howling in pain. Screams echoing around me, it only made me dig the sword in deeper. ‘You won’t die, you’ll just experience what you did to them but ten times worse. I told you. You won’t like me when I’m angry G-’

‘(Y/N)!’ 

I wanted to stop but this odd thrill told me to continue. Shangqi places a hand on what used to be my forearm, bringing me back to my senses. ‘He killed children.’ My voice came out in nothing more of a whisper. ‘HE KILLED CHILDREN FOR SPORT!’ My rage about to hit the roof.

‘I know and I’ll probably roast him alive if I could too,’ he makes an attempt to soothe my anger. ‘But we’re done here. Please don’t do anything you’ll regret. Please.’ My vision slowly returns to normal as I look into his brown ones, removing the sword from the half conscious Gor. I signaled for Shangqi to give me a few more seconds as I bent down to Gor’s eye level. 

‘Remember my face. Remember my name. Because you won’t like me when I’m angry.’ 

I allowed myself to be led away by Shangqi as the cops started to storm the building. ‘Remind me to never get on your bad side. Like ever.’ He gives me a small smile.

We made our way down to meet Katy at the back alley. ‘I can never get angry at you Shangqi in case if you haven’t noticed yet.’ I put my hood up, walking into the open. ‘Katy on the other hand...’ 

‘THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH BOTH OF YOU?’ She jabs her finger into my arm. ‘I have to take care of one reckless idiot already I don’t need another one.’ As if forgetting that she was mad at me a few seconds earlier, she launches herself into me, giving me a bear hug. ‘Please don’t do that again,’ she mutters into my shoulder as I patted her head, looking at Shangqi quizzically. Just go along with it, he mouths.

On queue, the golden portal opens with Wong waiting on the other side. He takes a moment to register our disheveled appearances, including the bloodstains on my face.

‘Please just ask the spider kid to do it next time,’ Katy dumps her gear unceremoniously onto the sofa. ‘Nearly tore my ligament trying to fight Gor’s right hand man.’ Again, Wong doesn’t say anything, staring at me as I focused on my hands.

He’s going to tell me I shouldn’t have lost my cool. The gravity of the situation finally had set in. Great, I won’t be able to go on missions with Shangqi and Katy next time. Maybe I should tell- Shangqi’s hands quietly wraps around mine, somehow knowing the chaos that was happening in my brain.

‘Right,’ Wong coughs, breaking the silence. ‘Go home, get some rest, see you back here tomorrow morning.’ The two were about to retort back, but quickly clamped their mouths shut when they saw Wong’s expression. It wasn’t open for negotiation. He creates two separate portals, one for Katy and Shangqi each.

‘(Y/n), a word please.’ Shangqi grips my hand, as if asking if I wanted him to stay. ‘It’s ok, go back and get some rest. I won’t be long.’ He hesitates for a moment, before going back home. ‘Call me.’ And the portal closes.

‘I saw what happened today.’ My eyes widened in surprise. Crap, there was no escaping this one. I bowed my head in shame, ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lose my cool. It was completely unprofessional of me but please don’t take me off missions with Katy and Shangqi.’

‘Take you off?’ Wong starts to chuckle to my bewilderment. ‘No (y/n), no one is taking you off anything. Maybe you should have kept your anger in check, but no one under your circumstances could have kept their cool. Just take a look at Strange.’ I unknowingly let out a snort.

‘What I do want to tell you is that if you have anything… even if you don’t wish to tell me, you have Shangqi and Katy. Good communication is essential for good teamwork.’

Wong was right. Whatever demons that I had inside of me, I projected them onto Shangqi. Given my abilities, it’s downright dangerous. Who knows what would have happened if he didn’t manage to defuse the situation as quickly as he did. I could have killed him and maybe everyone around the vicinity too.

Wong starts to create a portal back to home. ‘I shall not hold you back any longer (y/n), get some rest and good luck.’ I stepped into the portal, taking a deep breath to prepare myself for what I’m about to do next.

‘(Y/n)! Are you alright?’ Shangqi gets up from his bed while Katy snaps out of her trance. ‘What did Wong ask you? Don’t tell me he chewed you out for what you did back there?’ The questions came in a flurry. I look at their anxious faces, confident that my decision was the right choice.

‘No he didn’t, it’s all good. But maybe I just want to tell you guys something that I’ve been waiting to tell for a while.’

No doubt, it was going to be a long night. But rather than running away from today’s situation, I knew that I had to face it head on. And if it was of any comfort, one thing that I was sure about -

Is that I would never be alone.

A/N: Hoho~ part 2 is done! I have no idea what is that ending but it was the first thing that came to my mind so…😅 I think the whole premise of this two part story is essentially a reminder not to keep things to myself and know that there are loved ones who are supporting and cheering me on. And I don’t know… I think it’s something we could all use in this day and age! Again, thanks for reading both parts and please like and comment if you wish!🥰 More content and possibly different characters will be coming your way soon!

[unlikelywallflower]

letter to a new mama: on the first six months

This is (some of) the advice I actually wish I’d gotten in the first six months, or did get and feel like is worth passing on:

1. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

You will feel guilty doing this, because you have been socialized and told to believe that you must sacrifice your entire being to this tiny, wailing creature whom you have just met. Obviously, you should meet your baby’s needs as much as you’re able. Please remember, though, that you not only count, too, but that your well-being is integral to your baby’s. I had to remind myself of this dozens of times a day, every time I wanted to do anything for myself (including going to the bathroom).

2. People will tell you to enjoy every moment. You won’t.

You will also feel guilty about this, because some Instagram mommy influencer told you life with your baby should be all sunshine and rainbows and cooing and cuddles. Maybe you are somehow a magical unicorn who can enjoy existing on a total of 3 hours of fractured sleep, and alternating between being sucked on and spit up on all day, but probably you are not. Have compassion for yourself.

3. It’s okay if it’s hard.

I’ll say it again: IT’S OKAY IF IT’S HARD. It’s okay to say it’s hard. It is hard. See: enjoying every moment.

4. It really will get better.

People will look at you with your vacant expression and bleary eyes and tell you that it will get better, that it did for them around five, or six, or seven months. In your severely sleep-deprived state, you will not believe them, but it will. It really will. Caveat: my little one is just shy of a year old as I write this. It has been and will be hard again since the first six months, but in different ways. 

5. No dogmatic way of doing anything is worth your well-being.

This could go for anything to do with feeding, sleeping, playing, etc. The world is chock-full of dogmas to buy into. I was extremely attached to breastfeeding exclusively, for a few reasons: first, I honestly think breastfeeding is a mundane miracle. I often had (and still do have) the thought that I cannot believe how cool it is that my body makes food for my baby. Second, we’re still in a pandemic and I wanted to pump her full of as many antibodies as I could possibly provide. Third, even though I am a fierce supporter of the idea that “fed is best”, underneath that, I’d still bought into the well-meaning promotion of breastfeeding as the ultimate pinnacle of motherhood that the dogma of being a “natural mama” promotes. All of this combined to mean that I pushed real hard to keep exclusively breastfeeding, when combo feeding likely would have saved me a lot of heartache. Feed your baby in whatever way works for you. Do what you need to in order to maximize sleep quantity and quality for everyone. Do what you need to do to survive.

6. Every tiny thing will seem monumentally important. It isn’t.

You will not realize these things are not actually important until much later, even if you tell yourself now. Real-life example I bought into (momentarily): having to have a sparkling clean bathtub before I bathed my baby in it, every time. This is absolute nonsense. Nonsense!

7. If your love for your newborn isn’t there right away, it will come.

It does not make you any less of a mother/parent if your love for your baby is not instantaneous and all-consuming. I spent a lot of time in therapy discussing how afraid I was that I wouldn’t explode with love the second I laid eyes on my newborn, and in the end, came to terms with the fact that I might not, and it would be perfectly normal if I didn’t. When the time came, I didn’t, and I was a bit sad about it, but the love did come and grow over time. Interestingly, even if my mind hadn’t caught up, my body did love her from the start; I instinctually showered her with kisses and cuddles and sang to her and did all the things I’d imagined.

8. Read Precious Little Sleep. 

I’m like a walking infomercial for this book. Seriously. There are many books about baby sleep out there, and most of them will have you believing that you will ruin (ruin!) your child’s entire life if you do not do things exactly as they say (see: dogma). Thank God for my friend who told me to read this book, which is not only not dogmatic, it’s hilarious, and it lays out a bunch of different options for how to teach your child to sleep, so you can choose based on what feels right for you and your parenting values. Also, I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that despite all my pre-baby reading, I didn’t really know that newborns should only be awake around 45mins at a time, and need a lot of help to fall asleep. If I’d read this book earlier, it would have saved me a lot of time, frustration, and sleep.

9. Learn how to ask for and accept help.

I am particularly bad at this (see: Strong Independent Woman™), to the point that neighbours would see me struggling with large heavy loads of things while I was pregnant and say with exasperation “let us help you!”. It’s still hard for me to ask for and accept help, but I’m getting better at it, because there is literally no other way to function as a new parent, let alone a single one in a pandemic.

10. Some people will show up in the way you’d hoped, some won’t. Have compassion.

Almost every parent I’ve met had the realization after they had their first baby that they wished they’d been able to do so much more for their new parent friends than they had. I was no exception. You simply can’t know how vulnerable a time it is, how much every little check-in and meal drop-off matters, until you’ve been through it yourself. Have compassion for yourself for the people in your life for not having known. Everyone is dealing with their own shit and doing the best they can.

[happytragedyparadise]

Unicorncore ✨

So for a while now, I’ve been trying to figure out my “aesthetic” to understand what type of things I’m drawn to, get to know myself better and also help narrow down elements of my art style. I was having a very difficult time adjusting to the more popular/better known aesthetics e.g. light, dark academia, cottagecore, arthoe aesthetic, etc.

THEN, I stumbled upon Unicorncore ✨

The aesthetics wiki link (below) is a good resource for figuring it out, however, according to it, the aesthetic is more geared towards kids/teens, which is a little limiting in my opinion. On the whole, though, it does a pretty good job at describing the ✨aesthetic✨ 🦄

So here I will describe what it means to me, making it my ‘master post’ reference to how I define it (somewhat based on what I’ve read and observed) For one, I don’t think something needs to have a unicorn to be part of the unicorncore aesthetic. SO without further ado, let’s lay down my thoughts on this aesthetic:

Similar aesthetics:

Cottagecore

Naturecore

Fairy core

Dreamy

Ethereal

Happy core

Crystal core

Pastel

Bubblegum witch

Pastel academia

Romantic Academia

Lo fi

Witch core

Bloomcore/flower core

It’s like cottagecore meets magick (still somewhat different from fairy core) ~> especially in terms of the colour scheme ~> so you can have the warm, cozy vibe of cottagecore but sprinkle in some pastels, maybe some pinks or purples, maybe some holographic elements or some sparkle ✨ It can even be the grungy aesthetic where it’s the exact opposite vibe of cottagecore but has more of a magical vibe to it, maybe with electric purples and shocking pinks and all. So I like to think of it as “daytime” or “nighttime” color schemes, if that makes sense? Like the “daytime” one would have a cozy, warm, “come on little animal and fairy friends let’s go out and play and appreciate this great big world” kinda mood and then the “nighttime” one would be more pinks,purples, blues and galaxies and the moon, the stars, even though the colours won’t be as warm, it’ll still give comfort looking at it.

OKAY SO, for ‘daytime’ think SHE-RA & for ‘nighttime’ think OWL HOUSE ~> I hope it’s clear I don’t actually mean just day and night (altho that’s fine too) I gave the example because it just made sense to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ I meant it more in the lightness & darkness of the colour schemes.

PRIDE & Inclusivity & BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF & Self-Care

Self- Expression

Witchcraft & Magick

Nature & animals (real or fictional) & oneness with all life

Versatility + Diversity ~> The thing I love about this aesthetic is, since a unicorn is a fantastical creature and usually a rare find even in fiction ~> it makes the aesthetic really versatile in terms of the visual style of it e.g. it can feel like an actual landscape or a REALLY fantastical place, you get me? Like with She-ra there’s a lot of nature but also a lot of tech, so I guess what I’m saying is not only is it versatile in the Colours you can use but ALSO in how nature-related or man made your artwork/aesthetic is. Like you can be perfuma & mermista (nature) OR glimmer (fantasy) ORRRRR entrapta (cyber/techy) and it all kinda fits into it 🥳🥳🥳 the versatility in my opinion makes it v inclusive also.

CRYSTALS

D R E A M Y~> Dreams & all things related to them including the act of day dreaming/ being lost in your own little world

spreads positivity for everyone ~> healing, joy, hope

Freedom!!!

Reading Books & mythology

Holographic

Rainbows 🌈

Lo-fi aesthetic is similar as well

For fashion, makeup & accessories refer to link below

The Fashion parts of the aesthetic that I love are dresses, cute hoodies, pastels, holo, rainbow, denim, flower crowns, chokers, bracelets, etc.

Music ~> lo fi, pop, kawaii, k pop,EDM, disco, indie, folk music

Doing creative stuff (E.g. drawing, writing poetry, etc)

[aer-in-wanderland]

구미호뎐 | 김범 - Kim Beom ‘Lee Rang Talk’ Instagram LIVE 2020.12.01 

In which Kim Beom addresses fan questions and comments he searched the internet for personally, entirely of his own accord. #Bless ♡♡♡

Time signatures are from this recording uploaded to youtube -> [x]

Because the LIVE was quite long (nearly an hour) I’ve selected out questions and topics that I thought were interesting. For the parts that I omitted, I’ve left time signatures and brief descriptions of what was discussed. If there’s a topic you're curious about that I haven’t included here, feel free to send me an ask. Finally, because the sound quality isn’t the best and he’s sitting back from the camera, there were a few words here and there that I had trouble making out. Sorry in advance!

Introduction & Greeting

Yes, hello! This is actor Kim Beom. And I’m Lee Rang. Before the final episode, before the final week’s broadcast, I wanted to greet you all directly, so I’ve appeared like this dressed as Lee Rang. And...right now you can think of me as someone somewhere in between Kim Beom and Lee Rang. 

To be honest, there’s no decided format. I just went and looked up the things you all were curious about on my own. It could be a bit incoherent, but I hope you’ll enjoy watching. Also, I think there are fans who are worrying how I’ll do a LIVE, since I don’t really know how to, and I haven’t even been on Instagram that long, but actually, in order to do this, I spent the weekend writing the script myself (holding up his cue cards). I wrote the script myself. Actually, yesterday I also had a meeting about how to do an InstaLive, so I hope you’ll enjoy watching. 

[0:01:22~0:02:20] Greeting to international fans in English

[I was impressed by his English here. You can tell he isn’t just reading off his cue cards but actually knows what he’s saying by the way he self-corrects.]

[0:03:00(3:30)~0:05:05] Let Rang eat!

[0:05:10~0:08:04] Re: Color of clothing

Ah! There were a ton of comments about clothing color as well. Uh...I also read a lot of comments where you all were analyzing various things. And, well, a certain amount of it was really accurate...I was really thankful and also fascinated to see that it seemed like you all picked up on some of the things I had put thought into. For example, in the early part of the show when I appeared in red clothes, in a suit, of course there was also the fact that I was making an effort to exude the feeling of a villain, but the other piece that I had been thinking of was that, because there were a ton of scenes in the forest, in the forest on the island, I wanted a color that contrasted with green, so I looked for that sort of complementary color. 

Uh...so, for the case of Forest of the Starved, as with wearing red in the forest in the early episodes, I intentionally wore camel colored clothes and such. Uh...and because it was running, because a lot of the scenes in the Forest of the Starved were of us running, for visual purposes, the director proposed that we wear long clothes, so I wore a long trench coat and such. Also, for scenes that involved a lot of CG, we also, from a technical standpoint, for those bits with hyung...we wore a lot of colors excluding blue and green.   

Also, what else is there? Ah! The white clothes. There weren’t many scenes where I wore white clothing, but....very simply, in scenes where I bled (chuckling) so that the blood was easily visible...I wore a white shirt and such. One of the comments I read that really stuck with me was, ‘learned...learned pervert’ (laughing). That I was a learned person. I also had input here, and my stylist team also had the same thought, so....(very quietly) I was called a ‘learned pervert.’ Yes. 

Also...That’s right. A lot of what you all thought was really spot on. So I was also really fascinated and I thought, ‘Wah~ They even notice those sorts of things, I have to prepare even more diligently in the future,’ and for me, personally...from my standpoint as Kim Beom, I think this was the most costume fittings I’ve ever done. I also did a lot of test filming during the fittings. A JDG hyung who I’m close with and who is a photographer did a lot of test filming for me and really helped me a lot in the process of making Lee Rang. Oh, and also, in the process of doing tests for Lee Rang, perhaps because I took a liking to his image, I changed my profile picture for the first time in 10 years. I also changed my signature papers. It’s now Lee Rang, it’s Lee Rang’s image. I want to hurry up and provide you all with signatures too (laughs). Is this how I’m supposed to do this? I don’t know... (chuckles) 

[0:08:05~0:09:12] Re: Movements & gestures 

Ah, and also about movements and gestures and such...you talked especially a lot about things like me sleeping curled into a ball that got broadcast not too long ago. I saw a picture of me curled up asleep put next to an image of a fox sleeping, like this. Yes, that’s correct. From the very beginning I talked about wanting to give off the image of a fox, of a baby fox [glances to his staff] What? Show them? (chuckles) Like this, (does the gesture) sort of curled up sleeping. Foxes all sleep curled up, it turns out. So, there was an image of me curled up sleeping and, it should show up in the final episode, but there’s an image of me sitting curled into myself as well. When I’m sitting curled into a ball, even down to my toes I’m sort of, like this (does the gesture). Sitting like this was also something I did in order to give the impression of a fox. 

Aside from that, in the action sequences as well, if you look closely you can see that while people swing their fists like this, we made gestures, actions, like raking our claws. I think those sorts of things helped to make the character of Lee Rang, and also the gumiho, the other gumihos, so I was also really pleased while doing it. Yes. And I was even more thankful that the viewers picked up on that. 

[0:09:17~0:11:00] Re: Ad libs

The ad libs...for the ad libs as well, many people are asking just how much is ad libbed, especially since Yeon-ie hyung [Lee Dong Wook] is extremely good at ad libs and does them a lot. If you watch the behind the scenes videos and such, you can see the actors acting opposite him being caught off guard a lot. Hyung’s ad libs looked really cool to me, so I actually tried to emulate him a lot, but for that, it’s not possible with just your average [comedic/dramatic] sense. It’s the sense of someone who’s over a thousand years old, so one ad lib I made with the sense of a 600 year old was...there was one that was broadcast not long ago: “I’m warning you~~.” ‘I’m warning you~’ is an ad lib (laughs). 

The original line was...what was the original line again? (checks his cue cards) Ah, well, it was a line to the effect of, ‘don’t make me laugh’ or something like that, but seeing hyung saying ‘I’m warning you,’ I had the thought that it would be good if I teased him, so I was like, ‘I’m warning you~~’ as an ad lib. Also, in the café scene where we met after I returned from nearly dying, the drink hyung gave me was...there was a multi-colored drink, and for that, originally in the script it just said, ‘It’s tasty right? Have some, it’s tasty,’ or something like that, but hyung saying, ‘Have some, it’s rainbow flavored,’ was also hyung’s ad lib. And well, it didn’t appear in the broadcast, but I called it unicorn flavored. I think it was cut from the broadcast because it would have left people wondering ‘has he tried eating unicorn before?’ 

Those sorts of things...I also really learned a lot, I think, while doing them, such as hyung’s ease and whatnot. I was really jealous and he looked really cool. It came up in our lines too, but hyung always looked like he was shining brightly; he looked really cool.  

 [0:11:00~0:12:31] Re: Hyung Lee Dong Wook

To tell you more about hyung, hyung is...while being extremely sensitive, he’s the type to look after the other party in a brusk manner. For me personally, when I was studying and making Lee Rang’s character, I don’t think it would have been possible without hyung’s help. At first, I also...for the first time in a while I wore the clothes of another character and stood before the camera, and until that point I really had a lot of concerns and worries, but hyung gave me advice and really cheered me on a lot from the standpoint of an actor who has walked this path a little farther than me. So he was really a great help, and a source of strength, and whenever we were on set and there was something I didn’t know, I’d go ask hyung. Also, when I was agonizing over something, hyung would come over to me first and ask me if he could help, he was like that. 

And aside from that, the director, and the writer...Actually, Lee Rang’s tails have never appeared on screen, but in any case, Lee Rang should also have nine tails, right? There are nine. I have nine tails, but one of those was given to me by hyung. And one by the director, and one by the writer, and many others besides. Because they gave me tails, I was able to become a gumiho with nine tails, that’s the feeling I get. Yes.

[0:13:06~0:14:03] Re: Lee Rang’s Necklace

Ah! That’s right. There were also people who were curious about this necklace, wondering if this...if this wasn’t symbolic of something. In fact, in the beginning I had also thought that far. I thought of using it to express Lee Rang’s signature or something, so at first when he transformed I had gotten rid of it. Like when I appeared with glasses on (leans forward to show off the necklace better) this. It’s this necklace, but for my first transformation when I appeared with glasses, or...at those times I purposefully removed the necklace, but later on when I, when I transformed into hyung, if I wasn’t wearing it....if I was wearing it! I worried that you all would notice. You’re all extremely observant. Like gumihos. So in the end I decided to just leave this as fashion. 

[Note: This doesn’t fully make sense to me in terms of wearing it or not, but I double-checked and I translated everything exactly as he said it.]

[0:14:02~0:14:53] Re: Transformations

And since we’re on the subject of transformations, I’m always being found out and saying, ‘Ah that damn dress code...’ and such, but, everyone, I’m not being found out. Lee Rang isn’t so foolish and incompetent. Conversely, in order to mess with people more, he’s intentionally giving them a hint. So he’s being like... ‘Even if I do this will they not notice? Will they not notice?’ by intentionally giving them a hint with his shoes. And so, for Ji Ah, and for Sajang, that was me intentionally giving them a hint, and in fact wanting them to realize. While being like ‘if you figure this out then I’ll have to mess with you even more,’ I’d then mess with them more. And so, conversely, when I transformed into hyung to fool Sajang, I fooled him perfectly didn’t I? I’m not such an incompetent person as that. 

[0:14:55~0:16:05] Re: Romance 

There are many people who are extremely curious about Lee Rang’s romance as well, but actually, romance [for Rang] didn’t appear in our Tale of the Nine Tailed. Because his love for hyung is so great. And his love for Yoo Ri was also somewhat different from the love between a man and a woman. It was a familial love, and also a love that came from wanting to fill the void, it was that sort of love. Uh....I saw someone say something like this. Mm...when Yeon-ie hyung falls in love it’s to this extent, but if Rang-ie, who is a rule-breaker, who ignores all the rules, were to fall in love, the earth would probably have been destroyed. Or at the very least, Korea would have been destroyed. haha Someone said that, but I think that probably would have been the case. If he had directed his love not at his hyung but at a woman, because Rang-ie isn’t afraid of his hyung, or the afterlife, or even hell, I feel like he would have had that sort of a [world-ending] romance. 

[0:16:48~0:17:37] Re: Lee Rang’s fortune (wealth)

[0:17:38~0:18:19] [Reading and responding briefly to live comments]

[0:18:32~0:19:24] Q: Would Lee Rang have dreamed of being either a full fox or a full human?

Ah...this was a very sad question. [Rang is] a half-human, half-supernatural, but would he have dreamed of being a full gumiho, would he have dreamed of being a full human? There was talk to that effect. Uh...I think Rang-ie wouldn’t have wanted to be either. On the supernatural side as well, because he’s a half-supernatural...I don’t imagine he’d have been welcomed, and among humans, because he has supernatural blood, we also saw him being mistreated a lot. But then, amongst all of that, my one and only source of support was my hyung. And I think that’s why [Rang] was so obsessed with his hyung. I think he probably wouldn’t have wanted to belong to either side. Because he’s that sort of free spirit. Yes, that’s what I think. 

[0:19:30~0:19:58] Re: Lee Rang’s Favorite Food

Q: If Lee Rang had a favorite food like Lee Yeon’s mint chocolate, what would it be?

His favorite food is, you all may already know this, but it’s alcohol. Rang was always together with alcohol, and he was a character who goes well with alcohol. Somehow...it was like how lonely people reach for alcohol. I think it would have been that sort of feeling. It always kept him company, in place of his hyung (chuckles). That sort of, that sort of...his favorite food is alcohol, yes. 

[0:20:02~0:20:50] Re: Favorite fan comments/Not a baby 

[0:21:00~0:21:46] Q: Spicy fox [i.e. fox with an attitude/a bite] vs. baby fox?

[0:21:47~0:0:22:39] Q: The most dangerous gumiho or the most endangered gumiho?

[0:22:45~0:23:34] Q: Favorite Lee Rang look/style?

[0:23:41~0:25:10] Q: Good vs Evil?

Ah, and, there was also a question about what percent of good versus evil exists inside of me, but...I also really thought hard about it when I received this question. Rang-ie was a very kind child when he was young, who couldn’t even pick a flower...he was a kind child who couldn’t even kill a bug, but then, that sort of...should I call it societal evil? Due to some misunderstandings and...painful times, he gradually begins to ‘live devoting himself to evil,’ there’s that expression, in Korea. I think all of that evil would have seeped into him. So while at first he would have been 80-90% good, even so...mm~ at 51 to 49%, wouldn’t 51% of him be good? That slight bit that he tries not to lose. Because evil, because the side of evil kept pulling at me, whether that be Imoogi, or Sajang, unavoidably evil would have pulled at me, but...I get the sense that Rang-ie, to the very end, wouldn’t have given up the good in him...Nn? [Staff catches his eye] Yes, so that’s why it’s (???)* hehehe Oh? (???)* Sorry. Hahaha Ah, sorry. I just startled myself as well. [Pointing at his staff] Your face has turned red!

[Note: The expression he uses for ‘to the end’ here could either be used literally or figuratively. So obviously he accidentally gave a huge spoiler, but if he - or rather, his staff - hadn’t reacted so much it might have just been glossed over. Also, I think he’s using terms associated with a video game here which is why I’m having trouble parsing the blanks.]

[0:25:12~0:26:56] Kim Beom reminisces about his time with TotNT

[0:27:05~0:27:43] Re: Stickers

Ah! There was also talk about the stickers. Hahaha Uh...for the stickers as well, of course, in the script it was simply expressed as, ‘Rang, who is asleep covered in stickers,’ but actually, what stickers got stuck where was something that I decided myself. So I tried sticking a lightning bolt to my forehead, and, I’m not sure if it was visible in the broadcast, but the earring (the star on his ear) was a reference to the character So Yi Jeong that I played back in the day [Note: this is a reference to his character in Boys Over Flowers (2009)]. Well, I’m the type to overthink things like that, so hehe. I think a lot. 

[0:27:45~0:28:56] Re: Soo Oh

[0:29:12~0:30:00] Q: Are you more of an older or younger brother type?

For that question...whether that question was a question for Kim Beom or for Lee Rang, I actually wasn’t sure, but someone asked, ‘Are you someone who is suited to being an older brother or someone who is suited to being a younger brother?’ Uh....to answer as Rang, Rang is of course more suited to being a younger brother, it fits his natural tendencies. That Kim Beom guy,* I mean, Kim Beom is... (chuckling under his breath) ‘that Kim Beom guy’ what am I saying? Kim Beom is...more suited to being an older brother, he has that aptitude, that inclination I think. 

[*Note: When said this I burst out laughing. The literal expression is, ‘that chingu (friend) called Kim Beom,’ and it’s just not a way that you would ever refer to yourself. He said he was somewhere in between Lee Rang and Kim Beom, and it really feels like that here haha]

[0:30:12~0:31:10] Re: Nicknames

And, well....If Lee Rang, if there is a nickname that Rang-ie likes or a nickname that remained with him [what would that be]? A whole lot of people also wrote to me with that question. The overseas fans have also been calling me ‘baby fox’ (said in English), and that was really amusing. Uh...also, well, ‘baby fox’ (in Korean), and things like ***** [Note: he censored himself here so I’m not actually sure what he said other than that it’s rude haha], I really had a lot of fun seeing them. Like, these people who, if I met them in real life, would say, ‘Spare me!’ and run away were treating me like a baby... (nodding to himself). It was funny (chuckles). 

[Reading the chat] People keep commenting ‘baby fox’ (in English) hahaha

And so I also, later on....Somehow, at first I thought, ‘Huh?’, but then later on it was something that really made me feel good...(nodding) It was funny. (chuckles)

[0:33:30~0:33:57] Re: Mountain God Lee Rang?

Q: If Lee Rang ever became a mountain god, what sort of world would he have created?

I probably would have made a wonderland for hyung, right? For hyung’s sake alone. So that hyung could enjoy himself, I would have tried making this and that....to make hyung smile once. I feel like that’s what I would have done, and because of that, because [Rang is] that sort of simple guy, he probably wouldn’t have become a mountain god, right? I’m good being a mountain god’s younger brother...

[0:33:58~0:34:54] Re: Rang’s name

Also, Ah~ things related to Rang’s name, too. To my knowledge, the name ‘Rang’ was bestowed by his hyung. So originally he was a half-human, half-supernatural who didn’t even have a name, who was also abandoned by his family. He had been lonely like that, so it was probably hyung who gave it to him. The name ‘Rang’ means ‘shining.’ Most likely, at that time, wouldn’t he have really cried a whole lot? From happiness. Seeing as he continued using the name Rang, seeing as he continued using it for 600 years. If he had disliked it, he probably would have changed it, so he really took a liking to it. It was probably a happy time where he thought, ‘Now I too have a name~’ That’s right. 

[0:35:11~0:36:39] Re: Spin-off

Ah! And also, there was the spin-off to talk about, right? In another world, in a slightly wider world, uh...there was a spin-off telling my story, and to be honest it was an extremely new attempt, and I also, at first, I approached it as an answer and a gift in response to all of the love that so many people had sent. Uh...thanks to that, I think it was nice that I was able to show you Lee Rang from another point of view, and I actually worried about it a great deal. 

Uh...Rather than our existing team, another spin-off team did the filming for us, and so I worried a lot. Because it wasn’t our team. But, they very diligently, and well...shot it for us. And for me, because many people supported us, thankfully, compared to what I had been worried about, I think it worked out well. Actually, when I was really at the end of my rope from worrying so much, I called hyung [Lee Dong Wook] from set, from the spin-off set, to say that I was worried, and I also met up with him in person, and the director [Kang Shin Ho], I told him I was worried. In the off chance that the fans of the Tale of the Nine Tailed main series might hate it, I was really very worried. But hyung really comforted me a lot, and told me it was cool, so that made me feel really good. 

[0:36:41~0:37:28] Re: Yoo Ri (Kim Yong Ji)

Also...I have to talk about Yoo Ri too, don’t I? Our Yoo Ri. Our Yoo Ri...from the very first time I met her she seemed like Yoo Ri. She was really really like a gumiho, like a fox. Like someone of mixed race. In reality, too, we met up recently and were eating together when she told me this. People from Russia are actually sending her DMs, she said. Asking if she’s really a mixed-blood Russian. Hearing that was so funny that I remember we both burst out laughing. But to that extent Yoo Ri [Kim Yong Ji] is that much like Yoo Ri, even when you see her in real life. And also, because she became such a perfect Yoo Ri when we were working, from the very beginning she was very reliable to film with, and I think I was also really able to immerse myself while filming. 

[0:37:29~0:38:01] Re: Shin Joo (Hwang Hee)

And also, Shin Joo hyung, too. Actually...I didn’t have that many scenes in common with Shin Joo, but we became so close on set that later on - ah! Actually it’ll probably appear in tomorrow’s episode. Me and hyung [Hwang Hee] (catches the staff’s eye, raises his eyebrows, and then censors himself).....have a scene together, and you’ll probably get to see a very different Lee Rang, a very cheerful, uh...Lee Rang will appear, so I hope you enjoy watching it. 

[0:38:31~0:40:00] Re: CG

Ah, and also, we can’t not talk about the CG. Because, in a sense, it was one of the biggest aspects of our genre, from the first time we started filming we did a whole lot of tests. I think, in any case, we worried that those who see a lot of (computer graphics? - sorry, I’m actually unsure of this word) would feel that something was off, so we tried once using actual contact lenses, and also tried using actual (physical) tails. And for things like the Imoogi special effects makeup, it was a combination of makeup and CG that came to be through the help of truly a lot of people. My eye, and also hyung’s tails, and our abilities, Imoogi’s skin. I’d like to take the opportunity here to thank everyone involved once again. For giving me such a cool eye. I also, while watching the broadcast, was like, ‘Wah!’ 

Hm... also, I think my only having one eye that changed was probably the director’s idea. Because I’m a half-blood, in any case, his opinion was that it would be nice if only one eye changed, so I was able to have a really cool eye (leans close to the screen with a wild Lee Rang smile and then sits back chucking). It would be nice if it changed, but I’m unable to change my eye by myself (chuckles).

[0:40:05~0:42:00] Re: Stunts/action sequences

And our stunt team, our action team as well. We can’t not talk about them. I’m reminded of the first time, the times we went to action school to practice martial arts. From when we first began action practice, I would coordinate the timing with hyung [Lee Dong Wook] and we would go and practice together. So from the beginning, until we had created the action that would suit our characters, we went several several times for several hours at a time to practice. And then on set, they created things far beyond what we had practiced for us, so our action team really worked very hard as well, and the agwi and such that you saw...for many of those, our staff played all those roles for us. They really had it extremely hard, uh...yes. The (???) director, the (???)* director, and many stunt and action hyungs, all worked very hard. Hyung [Lee Dong Wook] also talked about this during our press conference, but they really worked very hard. On hot days, in the Forest of the Starved, they nearly....and they gave a very impassioned performance, so I was also able to immerse myself so the filming went well.

Mm....To be honest, I’m the type who really likes action, but the gumiho action this time, uh... (nods to himself). There were many stunts that appeared that were at a level beyond what I could have imagined, so while I enjoyed doing them, there were aspects that were difficult too, but when I saw how I appeared in the broadcast, I was very satisfied, and...because [the fans] really liked our sibling action scenes, it made me feel good. 

[*Note: Sorry, because he’s talking half under his breath here I’m actually having trouble making out which directors he’s referring to.]

[0:42:05~0:43:38] Re: Crying scenes

You asked me if having so many crying scenes wasn’t taxing, but...I know, right? More than I thought, more than the Rang that I had originally pictured, [he] was actually quite a crybaby. There were many more crying scenes than I had thought there would be, and depending on how you look at it, it feels like maybe I cried nearly as much as Ji Ah....I get the sense that because [Rang] is a guy who carries a lot of pain and sadness, he had a lot of tears. And also, because I had to cry in a way that was Rang-like, at first I was like, ‘How should I cry? In what manner do I have to shed tears?’ but once the camera started filming...I felt like they were Rang’s own emotions, so. Yes. 

If I think of hyung [Lee Dong Wook], actually, even now I get really choked up. So, when I, myself, Kim Beom, had a photo shoot recently, the topic of hyung came up in the course of the interview and I froze for a second because I nearly started crying, that also happened...

And then on set when I gave my final thoughts upon wrapping filming, I still somehow had many of Rang’s emotions left over, so I...seeing me crying, hyung said, ‘Are you going through puberty?’ hahaha, I have memory of him saying things like that to make me laugh as well. 

[Note: Kim Beom is referring to his photoshoot and interview with Elle Korea. I translated a good bit of it here.]

[0:43:40~0:45:06] Q: A character you’d like to try transforming into?

Also...I, well, hyung also transformed once, but for me because it’s one of my core talents, and because gumihos are the sort of character to do that, I received the question of whether there isn’t a character I wouldn’t like to try transforming into other than the ones that appeared in the drama. Honestly, if I was Lee Rang, I probably would have transformed into Ji Ah and tried to break her [and hyung] apart. Mm....I would have really hated transforming into Ji Ah but, uh...in order to separate her from hyung, and also, out of jealousy, due to his wish that [his hyung] wouldn’t fall in love with her again, out of love for his brother, he would have transformed into Ji Ah...isn’t that originally what gumihos are like?

However, because in that case then Ji Ah [Jo Bo Ah] will have to act that out again, probably (chuckles)...next time, if there’s ever an opportunity, I’ll transform into Ji Ah and... (starts making finger hearts without finishing his sentence) yes. I would like to show that to you all. 

[Reading the live chat] Right? People are asking me if I’m a genius. If it was Lee Rang, Lee Rang should have to transformed into Ji Ah, right? I also honestly just surprised myself by thinking of it just now. 

[0:45:14~0:46:04 ] Thoughts before the final episode

[0:46:24~0:47:28] Re: Charades with Imoogi (Lee Tae Ri)

[0:47:30~0:48:15] Re: Director Kang Shin Hyo

[0:49:26~0:50:21] Q: Memorable Lines & Scenes

Also...about the lines. Memorable lines or memorable scenes, you’re asking a lot about these sorts of things, but I truly haven’t forgotten a single scene I was in; I remember all of them. Because the script, and the characters, and the scenarios...and the scenes were all made so so well. 

Actually...well, at the beginning, when you see me fighting, bickering, with hyung, and I say ‘Didn’t you miss me?’ this line, and also...that sort of line: ‘I’m dying of anticipation.’ There were these sorts of lines as well. Uh...also, my lines that I say to Yoo Ri too. Like...‘Why would you shed tears because of me? Don’t make your life into a melodrama.’ There were these sorts of lines as well. 

[0:50:24~0:51:52] Re: Azaleas

[0:51:54~0:52:26] Re: Gumiho teleportation 

[0:52:27~0:54:00] Re: Rang’s throwing axes

[0:54:32~0:55:11] Re: Dokdo shrimp

[0:55:13~0:55:59] Q: Memorable filming location?

[0:56:00~0:5?:??] Re: Last episodes

[0:56:45~0:57:10] Q: Do you watch the original broadcast?

[0:57:12~End] Closing remarks

[babyminssii]

My Top 10 Jikook Moments

I decided to pick my top 10 jikook moments (up until June 2020) in no particular order to really kick off my blog :). There’s so many lovely interactions between these two it was hard to choose just 10 🥴but I managed to narrow them down. If you want me to elaborate on why I love any of these moments let me know!

1. JM running across the stage to JK when he noticed him crying. Then staying by his side until he was okay. Just this whole moment is 🥺. (LYS London Tour 2018)

2. When an emotional JK broke down further the moment he laid eyes on JM. And just everything before & after this moment. (SYS Tour Final 2019) cr. 2themoon_bts, fate_jimin, freesia_kookmin

3. GCF Tokyo as a whole. From JK’s bday tweet for JM, to us learning they went on a trip together, to their halloween tweet, to JM’s cute mini vlogs, to THE OG GCF itself, to JM’s reply tweet.  (Nov 7, 2017)

4. Rosebowl. JK engulfing JM’s body with his own, the ‘I love you’s’, JM getting overwhelmed, the ear thing??? In front of a whole stadium?? Yea that night was something else. (SYS Tour Rosebowl 2019) cr. seost_13, fate_jimin, _slowbutsteady

5. This picture that we all swore was fake but was actually real. Like I still can’t believe we got this on April fools day of all days & then absolutely no footage of how this happened. I’m not over how soft looking at this pic makes me 🥺 (Run Ep. 98, 2020)  

6. GCF Saipan. Though it’s an ot7 GCF, the lyrics.. THE LYRICS whenever JM pops up on the screen. Also RM’s tweet of them filming & JK’s tweet giggling to JM’s antics in the water. Priceless. (July 25, 2018) cr. 2themoon_bts

7. The whole 2017 Summer Package legit felt like their honeymoon. Honestly still feels like a fever dream, there was just SO MUCH going on we didn’t know what to do with ourselves. & the rainbow unicorn shoot? Wild. (SP 2017) cr. chimtae

8. 2018 MMA is one for the books! the flirting, the whispering, the constant contact, the comfort. Literally everything about them this night was intimate in a very public way (i mean they were at an award show). (MMA 2018) cr. meltinon_, 2themoon_bts

9. Gimbap Chefs Vlive. I found myself smiling the whole time watching them cause of how at ease and domestic they were with each other. there’s so much I could say about this live but i’ll just leave it at that for now. + the bonus jikook selca we got after ages! (June 21, 2020)

10. When JM was traveling & posted a video of him wishing JK a happy birthday since he couldn’t be with him, only to fly across countries to spend A DAY with JK before resuming his vacation. yea.. & the bday cake/presents in this photo. Literally one of the sweetest things to do for someone so close to you IMO. (september 1, 2020)

This was so hard to choose and I think I might make another list of my top 10 Jikook tweets if anyone’s interested. There’s definitely a few I would have included here if I had the room lol. Anyways I hope you enjoyed this list :) Send an ask or reply and let me know what some of your favorite moments are? Make a top 10 if you’re able to <3 

[vampish-glamour]

I agree with most of your views (Including nb’s using labels like lesbian), expect for the views on nb existence. The reasons I see most is that it doesn’t make sense or that nb’s are using gendered terms so they must be gendered or that it’s just people uncomfortable with the gender roles so I‘m just offering another perspective. 🧷1/?

I’m nb because the idea of being male/female gives me dysphoria. It’s not about the gender roles or anything, it’s the idea of having male/female genitals or being perceived as male/female. I try to portray myself as androgynous as possible. I have shorter hair in a pixie cut of sorts, I bind, I avoid wearing things that may make me seem more feminine or masculine, I wear gender-neutral clothing, I don’t use gendered terms like lesbian or gay man. 🧷 2/3

I admit that it may be some internalized transphobia or something but it’s just better for me and my mental health to just use the preferred name/pronouns and try to look as androgynous as I can. As for it not making sense, the human brain is complicated and not everything that it feels or experiences is going to make sense scientifically. It doesn’t make it not real, though. 🧷3/3

I appreciate you sharing your perspective!

I do want to say that “it not making sense” or “enbies use gendered terms therefore they aren’t genderless”, while being common points, is a bit of an oversimplification of things.

A lot of us don’t believe in nonbinary for scientifically based reasons—an example being that the way brains in relation to sex are understood currently makes the concept of a genderless/sexless brain unlikely to exist. (Here’s a really good post about it. And another, because both of these put it scientifically much better than I could ever put it.)

“It’s just being uncomfortable with gender roles” is true for what a lot of us think, though. Because this can go from small things like not being comfortable with traditional clothing, to not liking the societal view of certain body parts.

My opinion on nonbinary “dysphoria” is that there’s likely better explanations for it than being gender dysphoria in the way trans people experience it. Like body dysmorphia, internalized sexism, internalized transphobia, or even just distress around not wanting to be seen the way society views your sex. I think this especially because the vast majority of nonbinary people, in my experience, are female. And there are a lot of societal perceptions of female anatomy that don’t exist for male anatomy.

Here’s my line of thinking;

Gender dysphoria for a trans man would be distress over not being male. From what I understand, his brain would know his body is supposed to be male, and be able to pinpoint things that make it not male. Breasts, genitalia, higher voice, different bone structure, all that sort of thing. The brain would not recognize this as the male body it’s expecting to see in the mirror.

The key point is that the brain is expecting male features instead of female ones.

With nonbinary dysphoria, how would this work? If we say that a hypothetical genderless brain exists, what would it be looking for? How would it determine what a nonbinary body would look like, if nonbinary is not a human sex like male or female are? And how would one achieve a nonbinary body? Take away the breasts and be smooth like a ken doll? Are curves able to be considered nonbinary? How about muscles? And what about skin texture, body/facial hair, smell?

Breasts, genitals, curves, muscles, skin texture, body/facial hair, smell, etc. Are all things trans people take into consideration when transitioning. They’re things that can make somebody appear more or less male or female. Again, since there is no nonbinary sex, this is impossible to pinpoint for the idea of nonbinary bodies.

So, this is where my idea that nonbinary dysphoria is actually something else comes from. Because nonbinary dysphoria works so differently from trans gender dysphoria that I find it hard to consider it the same thing.

I think it’s really important to take into consideration other possibilities. I mentioned social implications/views of certain body parts, and I want to elaborate a little on that.

I’ll use female parts as an example, since I did say they tend to get more of a hard time than male parts.

Female bodies tend to be hyper-sexualized, and put into a very specific box of “submissive sexual object”. Breasts aren’t seen as ways to feed a baby anymore, they’re seen as sex objects. Female genitalia is mostly just reduced to a hole for sexual purposes. Women are expected to be hairless, smooth skinned, curvy in the right places yet still skinny, etc. I truly believe that this impacts how women see themselves and their bodies, including feeling detached from or uncomfortable with them.

So a female nonbinary person might feel greatly uncomfortable with their female body because of subconscious discomfort with how society has taught them to view their body... but also feels uncomfortable with having a male body because they’re not trans. This puts them into a place in the middle—not feeling comfortable being either male or female—that might feel like nonbinary dysphoria, despite not actually being gender dysphoria.

I really do recommend checking out the posts I linked above though, because this is all just my thoughts. Both of the posts talk about the more scientific side of things instead of just opinion or my personal like or thinking.

“As for it not making sense, the human brain is complicated and not everything that it feels or experiences is going to make sense scientifically. It doesn’t make it not real, though”

I agree, but as mentioned before, as science understands the human brain right now—nonbinary brains are very unlikely. It’s not that scientists are marvelling at a miraculous unexplainable phenomenon, they’re saying “here’s how we believe the brain works”, and people can easily make the conclusion that the current understanding makes nonbinary brains unlikely. So it’s absolutely fair to make the claim or theory that nonbinary is not a real biological thing, based on current scientific understanding.

I approach nonbinary in the same way I approach the existence of a god. Meaning, my reasoning for not believing in a god is pretty similar to not believing in nonbinary.

I, and many other atheists, don’t believe in a god partly because of lack of evidence. We don’t want to accept something as reality when there’s hardly anything to prove it to be real. In this case, there are many scientific theories that either better explain, or completely disprove things said in religious texts. This doesn’t mean that if there were rock hard evidence we’d plug our ears and ignore it. But until then, saying “I don’t believe in a god” is a fair statement because there’s no evidence to say otherwise.

The same goes for myself and others who don’t believe that nonbinary is a real biological concept. We don’t want to accept something as reality without evidence. Especially not when there are scientific theories that provide better explanations for nonbinary dysphoria, or disprove the idea of being biologically nonbinary. This doesn’t mean that if there were solid evidence for nonbinary dysphoria and being biologically nonbinary, we’d ignore it. But until we get that solid evidence, saying “I don’t believe in nonbinary” is a fair statement.

Just because nonbinary is something that people hold dear to their hearts as an “identity”, does not mean it is free from skepticism. People are allowed to be sceptical of claims that don’t hold factual weight. Whether that be claims of the divine like god, claims of the occult like ghosts, claims of fantastical creatures like rainbow unicorns, or claims of humans being genderless.

The problem only arises when people start blatantly ignoring scientific evidence or claiming it’s false without providing reason for that claim.

As far as it being better for your mental health goes, I understand. But I do encourage you to look deeper into the issue, because ultimately it’s better to identify what could actually be going on instead of just going with the easiest answer.

And keep in mind that just because you do something for your mental health doesn’t mean others have to accept it as reality.

However, I appreciate that you don’t use gendered terms. Even though I don’t exactly believe in nonbinary as a real thing biologically speaking, I don’t have as much as an issue with people who actually are consistent with it and are respectful to gay people as I do with the people who aren’t. And I certainly hold more respect for nonbinary people who genuinely believe they are experiencing gender dysphoria and don’t disrespect gay people or enforce gender roles than I do for the “I’m nonbinary because I like dresses AND suits and I’m also super gay!!” Types.

My thoughts on this are a bit hard to explain, as I’ve said with a lot of things it’s very clear in my head but hard for me to put into writing. So I hope that at least some of this makes sense lol.