#singlemombychoice

[singleroad]

It sucks that I can’t tell my family about my plans yet. I need to be in a better place because right now… they are judging me based of the worst period of my life. There was 27 years where I was doing really well and they know I did, yet 3 years where I struggled due to a bad work environment and medication side effects are what they’re measuring me by now.

So I need to show them that I am capable, and then I can tell them.

My friends? A few I told years ago that this is what I wanted to do, but I’m starting to tell friends that I am actually doing it now. I have one friend who I know will be an excited aunt and I would want to have as a birthing partner, and I have two other friends with babies who I know will be happy to offer advice and some support.

I will have to weigh up showing what I can do with not overdoing it. I am still autistic and that comes with challenges… but not challenges that would prevent me from being a good parent.

Lots of thoughts, and many years to ponder. I am leaving my parent’s house to move back to my own place in about 2 months. I’ve stayed with my parents while finishing off my studies. That’s when I can start doing the real work to prepare for baby S.

[theformulaforsuccess]

Today's Inspiration: Speaking up on MOM's behalf.

Douglas Vandergraph continues his journey of teaching others how to accomplish their dreams and goals by talking about something that has been swept under the rug for far too long: the undeniable lack of support for mothers. It's not just a matter of convenience; it's about survival – both for the mothers and their precious little ones. Douglas is putting himself out there as an example to others so they can see how anyone can take a chance, improve daily, and make a difference in the lives of others. What is it that you want in your life? Douglas can show you how to get it! This is a video series Douglas is completing in the hopes he can help just one person. Dr. Suess once said, "To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world."

Follow Douglas on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@douglasvandergraph

Relevant Keywords:

#mom #mother #singlemomstrong #singlemomnewlife #singlemomlifestyle #singlemombychoice #singlemomvlogs

[unlikelywallflower]

letter to a new mama: on the first six months

This is (some of) the advice I actually wish I’d gotten in the first six months, or did get and feel like is worth passing on:

1. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

You will feel guilty doing this, because you have been socialized and told to believe that you must sacrifice your entire being to this tiny, wailing creature whom you have just met. Obviously, you should meet your baby’s needs as much as you’re able. Please remember, though, that you not only count, too, but that your well-being is integral to your baby’s. I had to remind myself of this dozens of times a day, every time I wanted to do anything for myself (including going to the bathroom).

2. People will tell you to enjoy every moment. You won’t.

You will also feel guilty about this, because some Instagram mommy influencer told you life with your baby should be all sunshine and rainbows and cooing and cuddles. Maybe you are somehow a magical unicorn who can enjoy existing on a total of 3 hours of fractured sleep, and alternating between being sucked on and spit up on all day, but probably you are not. Have compassion for yourself.

3. It’s okay if it’s hard.

I’ll say it again: IT’S OKAY IF IT’S HARD. It’s okay to say it’s hard. It is hard. See: enjoying every moment.

4. It really will get better.

People will look at you with your vacant expression and bleary eyes and tell you that it will get better, that it did for them around five, or six, or seven months. In your severely sleep-deprived state, you will not believe them, but it will. It really will. Caveat: my little one is just shy of a year old as I write this. It has been and will be hard again since the first six months, but in different ways. 

5. No dogmatic way of doing anything is worth your well-being.

This could go for anything to do with feeding, sleeping, playing, etc. The world is chock-full of dogmas to buy into. I was extremely attached to breastfeeding exclusively, for a few reasons: first, I honestly think breastfeeding is a mundane miracle. I often had (and still do have) the thought that I cannot believe how cool it is that my body makes food for my baby. Second, we’re still in a pandemic and I wanted to pump her full of as many antibodies as I could possibly provide. Third, even though I am a fierce supporter of the idea that “fed is best”, underneath that, I’d still bought into the well-meaning promotion of breastfeeding as the ultimate pinnacle of motherhood that the dogma of being a “natural mama” promotes. All of this combined to mean that I pushed real hard to keep exclusively breastfeeding, when combo feeding likely would have saved me a lot of heartache. Feed your baby in whatever way works for you. Do what you need to in order to maximize sleep quantity and quality for everyone. Do what you need to do to survive.

6. Every tiny thing will seem monumentally important. It isn’t.

You will not realize these things are not actually important until much later, even if you tell yourself now. Real-life example I bought into (momentarily): having to have a sparkling clean bathtub before I bathed my baby in it, every time. This is absolute nonsense. Nonsense!

7. If your love for your newborn isn’t there right away, it will come.

It does not make you any less of a mother/parent if your love for your baby is not instantaneous and all-consuming. I spent a lot of time in therapy discussing how afraid I was that I wouldn’t explode with love the second I laid eyes on my newborn, and in the end, came to terms with the fact that I might not, and it would be perfectly normal if I didn’t. When the time came, I didn’t, and I was a bit sad about it, but the love did come and grow over time. Interestingly, even if my mind hadn’t caught up, my body did love her from the start; I instinctually showered her with kisses and cuddles and sang to her and did all the things I’d imagined.

8. Read Precious Little Sleep. 

I’m like a walking infomercial for this book. Seriously. There are many books about baby sleep out there, and most of them will have you believing that you will ruin (ruin!) your child’s entire life if you do not do things exactly as they say (see: dogma). Thank God for my friend who told me to read this book, which is not only not dogmatic, it’s hilarious, and it lays out a bunch of different options for how to teach your child to sleep, so you can choose based on what feels right for you and your parenting values. Also, I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that despite all my pre-baby reading, I didn’t really know that newborns should only be awake around 45mins at a time, and need a lot of help to fall asleep. If I’d read this book earlier, it would have saved me a lot of time, frustration, and sleep.

9. Learn how to ask for and accept help.

I am particularly bad at this (see: Strong Independent Woman™), to the point that neighbours would see me struggling with large heavy loads of things while I was pregnant and say with exasperation “let us help you!”. It’s still hard for me to ask for and accept help, but I’m getting better at it, because there is literally no other way to function as a new parent, let alone a single one in a pandemic.

10. Some people will show up in the way you’d hoped, some won’t. Have compassion.

Almost every parent I’ve met had the realization after they had their first baby that they wished they’d been able to do so much more for their new parent friends than they had. I was no exception. You simply can’t know how vulnerable a time it is, how much every little check-in and meal drop-off matters, until you’ve been through it yourself. Have compassion for yourself for the people in your life for not having known. Everyone is dealing with their own shit and doing the best they can.

[fabulousscentsbyshannon]

#bulkorder #tuesdaymotivation #motivation #mommyof3 #singlemomof3 #singlemombychoice #fabulousscentsbyshannon #fyp #appleiphone #tiedye #placeordersonline https://www.instagram.com/p/CSw-CTTLUgk/?utm_medium=tumblr

[elementalgrowth]

If your following all the rules, your missing all the fun 🤪🎉 Truth bomb. Drop your favourite emoji below if you appreciate this post!!! #mompreneurdiaries #homeschoolmom #homeschoollife #mompreneurtribe #youcanhaveitall #singlemompower #homeschoolingmom #freerangekids #youcandoitall #singlemomhustle #entrepreneurmotivation #momofboys #smudged #mompreneurcoach #lifeisschool #singlemombychoice #homeschoolpreschool #singlemompreneur #mompreneurs #ganjamom #yogamama #witchymama (at Be Yourself, Be Unique, Be Proud.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKjqiLhHNhO/?igshid=1sri2l3t526ij

[kelleestewartinspires]

#Repost @kstew222 ・・・ 🗣DR. CAROL LYNN CURCHOE PhD, Reproduction Biologist and Senior Clinical Embryologist comes to WARRIOR WEDNESDAY!💉🥚 Warriors🤰🏽, we have the honor of talking with Doctor and Mommy 🥰@drcurlyqueues TOMORROW, Nov 11th at 4PM PST/7PM EST on #warriorwednesday! 🥰 For those that don’t know, an embryologist is fertility specialist and THE SCIENTIST that creates and grows embryos in the lab for IVF implantation. Dr. Carol is QUEEN 👑 status y’all and she’s taking time out of her schedule to share invaluable information and answer all of your questions! From creating her own IVF app, telling us what goes on in the lab, freezing eggs, freezing sperm, making embryos (your babies), how they’re stored etc... she knows it all! A MUST SEE on IG LIVE for men and women! Follow her now and get your pens and paper READY! See you tomorrow at 4pm PST ON LIVE! Warriors... I Love U! 😘🥰 #fertilityspecialist #fertilityspecialist #eggfreezing #embryologist #embryotransfer #embryo #embryodonation #womenshealth #pcos #endometriosis #infertility #infertilityawareness #femaledoctor #science #iui #assistedreproduction #pregnant #singlemombychoice #fertilitysupport #love #womensupportingwomen #babies #wcw https://www.instagram.com/p/CHdN8hkAPyn/?igshid=1ayfut8qx0kuh

[singlemamamarried]

I know that on this day We celebrate fathers who are doing what they should be doing and I don’t want to take that away from the profound men who has been raised with understanding that role and living with it faithfully and with conviction. I want to also take this opportunity to acknowledge the women who protect their children by not bad mouthing their father in front of them. The women who make excuses for these men to protect their child in hopes one day they would come around because you understand the image that it can create and grow up with your child but most importantly the maturity to understand that your child will grow to learn exactly who those men were and form their own opinion. Thank you #SingleMoms for not complaining, for making a way regardless of the circumstance for receiving less than 50% of equal partnership because no baby was made by one Individual. I acknowledge you on this day because you are the real MVP and Single Moms don’t get enough credit. I was a single mom too before my husband came along and by the grace of God he sent me a husband a loving father who #adopted my child and made her his own, took on the role, step in, and step up! I pray that all of you single #moms receive all that your heart desire especially one who will genuinely, effortlessly do the work another man so cowardly ignored. To all the mom who ever experience single mother hood I acknowledge you on this day, not to take away from the men, but to lift your spirits up. You’re doing a fine job! #FathersDay #FathersDay2020 #SingleMotherhood #Motherhood #SingleMama #SingleMom #singlemomquotes #SingleMommy #SingleMommyLife #SingleMothers #singlemomsclub #singlemomma #singlemombychoice #singlemomproblems #singlemomstrong #singlemomhustle #SingleMomRocks #singlemomlife #MomLife #MomBlogs #momlifequotes #momsofinstagram #mommyhood #mommyblog #mommyandme #momblogger #momblogs (at Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBuKbilAPMN/?igshid=zf7o756ypy25

[mssoncerae]

The Hunt: Single Mothers Try To Trap The Childless Man

The Hunt: Single Mothers Try To Trap The Childless Man

(YouTuber & Singer, Queen Naija seen above. After her divorce from Chris Sails she met her now boyfriend Clarence who she just conceived a child with. She rose to fame after releasing her song “Medicine” that was about her failed marriage with Chris Sails.)

There are a lot of ridiculous things on the internet if you haven’t noticed. I see more ignorance on here than I do in the ghettoest…

[jandbaby]

This mornings frer! A definite darker line, this is amazing. I'm so shocked and so happy. I'm trying to keep it all a secret from my family and bestie so I can surprise them in person on Tuesday! I had to cave and tell my one best friend who i won't see this trip because I just needed to tell someone.

[momcave]

Don’t teach them to settle. 💕 . . .#singlemommalife #singlemomsdoitbest #singlemomsrock #singlemommy #singlemompower #singlemombychoice #singlemomsrule #singlemomlife #singlemomstrong #singlemothers #healingfromhiddenabuse #healingafterabuse #knowthesigns #emotionalabuseisreal #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #emotionalabusehealing https://www.instagram.com/p/CPj8y1IsaS6/?utm_medium=tumblr

[unlikelywallflower]

catching up again part 5b: on surrendering, again, and a new arrival

(This is a continued catchup of events from July 2020 to today. Click to read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5a.)

We packed up and went for what felt like the longest ride of my life, with contractions coming on and nowhere to go. As we entered the hospital, I was hit with the hustle and bustle of it all, the people in scrubs, the industrialness of it: it was everything I hadn’t wanted. I turned, sobbing once again, to my friend, and melted down, blubbering “I don’t want to be here”. She held me while I cried, hanging onto her in my bathrobe and flip flops in the hospital lobby, until I could surrender to what was happening, what I’d chosen as my next right step, and we went upstairs.

After my my midwife broke my waters and they came out clean, active labour came on pretty quickly. I tried and failed to get comfortable in the beautiful but poorly designed tub in my room. The next contraction that came as I was making my way back to bed was enough to put a look in my eyes that made it pretty clear to both me and my midwife that the next right step was an epidural. I really hadn’t wanted one, but there was simply no option left: my tank was empty, and I needed sleep if I was going to make it through active labour.

Sitting on the edge of a hospital bed, hunched over and clutching my friend’s elbows for dear life, riding out intense contractions while trying to sit perfectly still, was one of the hardest physical things I’ve done in my life, but 20 minutes later, when the anesthetist came back, his prediction had come true: he was my new best friend. Epidurals are FUCKING MAGIC. I was under the mistaken impression that I was going to be numb from the waist down, but instead it was the most curious sensation of being able to feel pressure but not pain. In “natural” circles, epidurals get a bad rap, and I had bought into this with my desperate dreams of a fully “natural” birth, but I am so, so grateful I had the option. (The idealization of a “natural” birth is so problematic that it’s hard to swallow now how deeply I was invested in it, but that's a whole other post…)

I slept through most of active labour, waking only when my fetal heart monitor needed to be adjusted. Sometime in the early morning hours, my midwife and student midwife had to leave after having been awake for 24 hours, and a new midwife arrived. The next few hours were a blur: I spiked a fever from the epidural, kicking off the Covid protocol and a round of antibiotics; they gave me oxytocin to get me from nine to ten centimetres; I slept some more; then, the time finally came. I was ready to push. My friend put on some Beyoncé and I got ready to meet my daughter.

Many birthing parents describe pushing as their favourite part of labour, and I was no exception. I am an athlete and a yogi, and I know how to isolate specific muscles to get a job done. Finally, I had something active to do that I had some control over, and after having slept a few hours with the blessed relief from pain, I had energy. At some point during a break between pushes, I turned to my friend and said, “this is awesome!” The midwife kept telling me to hold my breath while I pushed, but my conditioning to be compliant was so strong even in this most fierce moment that I couldn’t tell her I had zero intention of doing that. Instead, I did as I’d intended, which was to use my breath, but I exhaled quietly so she wouldn’t hear me, which my friend thought was hilarious. Regardless, I managed to push quickly enough that my daughter came before the backup midwife even had time to arrive.

I wish I could say that when they laid her on my chest, I was filled with a love greater than I ever thought possible. I wish I could say that I was fully present and drinking in this new life I had literally grown inside me and birthed into the world. I wish a lot of things, but mostly, I felt numb. I don’t remember much about this time, other than trying to still myself amidst the bustling of my midwife stitching me up, the respiratory therapist wiping my baby’s face to clear the meconium, birthing the placenta, the backup midwife arriving and taking her to be examined across the room. But I held her, I breathed her in, I felt her sucking on my cheek and knew it was time to feed her. I stared at her in relief and awe and numbness and thought, “holy shit. You’re here.”

A few hours later, we were out and home with my parents; bruised, battered, bloody, exhausted beyond belief, and ready to start the next chapter.

[fabulousscentsbyshannon]

#anythingispossible #worthhavingtakeshardwork #hardworkpaysoffs #fyp #happylife #singlemombychoice #singlemomof3 #independentscentsyconsultant #lovesmyfamily #lovesmyscentsy #lovesmyjob #doyou #ifnotjoinme #august #freeshootingstarkit #headtomywebsite shannonpike.scentsy.ca/ #fabulousscentsbyshannon https://www.instagram.com/p/CSu0nGdMleM/?utm_medium=tumblr

[elementalgrowth]

"Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)" . . Close your eyes, Have no fear, The monster's gone, He's on the run And your mommy's here, . . Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful boy, . . Before you go to sleep, Say a little prayer, Every day In every way, It's getting better and better, . . Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful boy, . . Out on the ocean sailing away, I can hardly wait To see you to come of age, But I guess we'll both Just have to be patient, . . 'Cause it's a long way to go, A hard row to hoe Yes, it's a long way to go But in the meantime, . . Before you cross the street, Take my hand, Life is what happens to you, While you're busy making other plans, . . Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful boy, . . Before you go to sleep, Say a little prayer, Every day In every way, It's getting better and better, . . Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful boy, . . Darling, darling, Darling Fynn. . . 🌈 Happy 4th birthday beautiful boy, mommy is always here! . . #momliferules #singlemomma #singlemomsrock #sonsbirthday #singlemoms #johnlennonlove #birthdayboy🎉 #birthdayboy💙 #momlifeisgood #singlemomlife #singlemommy #singlemomsdoitbest #momlife💕 #momlifekeepingitreal #beautifulboy💙 #singlemommymagic #birthdayboy❤️ #singlemombychoice #momlifethebestlife #momlifeisbestlife #momandsonbonding #johnlennonforever #momandsonday #momlifebelike #momlifestyleblogger #momlifeisthebestlife💕 #momlifebalance #singlemomstrong #johnlennonquotes #johnlennonquote (at In the Kitchen Making Pancakes) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAICzZ6nbHh/?igshid=1ugsj0hghjfkp

[aakritiku]

Some days I feel like love and fire Some moments I feel like water and doubt Leave you heart open It's happening for you not to you Trust me, I've been there, I am there Breaking down, breaking through Upside down Shedding a ton of shit Including what should be said How it should be said How it should be done Because fuck it Let your heart break wide open The light will enter It's been waiting for you to crack And finally let go To flow . . . . . #dontneedaman #singlemama #singlemomlife #singlelifesucks #beingsinglesucks #singleaf #lonely #relationships #letthemjudgeyou #beautifulwoman #Gratitude #somuchlove #singleasfuck #singlelifeproblems #singleandreadytomingle #singlepringle #knowyourworth #singleandready #singleandhappy #femalehustler #idontneednoman #singlelifestyle #attractyoursoulmate #manifestationbabe# #workingmom #singlemombychoice #manifestlove #breakupssuck #readyforlove #soulhealing https://www.instagram.com/p/B0d0xcmlVBS/?igshid=1moxleqsyuphq

[mssoncerae]

10 Things Single Mothers Have To Get Over

10 Things Single Mothers Have To Get Over

There are a number of things that I dealt with during my time of transitioning from a mom who has raised a 19 year old daughter to suddenly about to give birth.  She had an amazing Father, who was a great provider as well as a good friend. Twenty five years after meeting him I was about to give life to an entirely different child by a different man who showed he was incapable of handling…

[unlikelywallflower]

catching up again part 5a: on surrendering, again, and a new arrival

(This is a continued catchup of events from July 2020 to today. Click to read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.)

Here is how I visualized my labour and birth going (don’t laugh): after a restful night’s sleep, I would wake up in the morning a few days before my due date to the first twinges of early labour. I would excitedly call my friend and birth partner and let her know things were starting. I would go for a long walk in the forest to help my body ease into active labour. I would then go home, bake a gluten-free vegan “groaning loaf”, and set up my bedroom for the birth. Then, my friend would arrive and fill my birth tub for me, and I would alternate between the tub, walking, yoga, and resting on the couch as labour progressed. Active labour would come on within a matter of hours, I would call my primary midwife, and she and her student would come over. My friend would support me through contractions by rubbing my back, having me hold on to her, and cheering me on, and I would be primal, powerful, and moving naturally into whatever position my body needed in each moment. We would all enjoy the groaning loaf together (me in between contractions), and when the time came (which it would fairly rapidly), I would transition to the bed and give birth on hands and knees to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Very little of reality matched this vision. 

Here’s how it actually went down: six days past my due date, I got my first dose of the Covid-19 vaccine, ate a few too many cookies with eggs in them (which I normally avoid), saw my acupuncturist, and saw my midwife for a stretch and sweep (which, given I was only about half a centimetre dilated, was more like just irritating my cervix). When I laid down for bed that night, I started having what felt like intense gas pains, which I attributed to the cookies. They came and went and the little sleep I got was fitful. The next day when I got up, the pains were thankfully gone, and I enjoyed a long walk around the neighbourhood with my mom, chuckling at the stares my gigantic belly was getting. I also had another ultrasound; at this point I’d had so many (“advanced maternal age” + overdue = a million ultrasounds) that the techs were joking that they hoped they would never see me again. That night when I laid down, I had what felt like menstrual cramps, on and off all night, again enough to keep me from sleeping. The next night, those cramps progressed to pain beyond what I’ve felt before (and I’ve been on prescription muscle relaxants for cramps). At some point, I asked for another stretch and sweep to get things moving faster, but my backup midwife explained that all the babies were being born and no one would be available to be with me if I went into active labour at that point. I mostly had been able to avoid feeling sorry for myself for being single throughout this process, but I cannot describe the loneliness of being awake and alone for the third night in a row, in pain, anxious, and exhausted. Nothing my friend and I had talked about in terms of her being my birth partner had included what might happen if I was in prodromal (“false”) labour for days, and there was no sense in her being as exhausted as I was when things finally ramped up.

After the third night of little to no sleep, my friend came and set up and filled the birthing pool. Being in the pool felt heavenly; I was able to rest a little in between the contractions, which were picking up, albeit not very steadily. At one point we went for my envisioned forest walk, which had the opposite effect I had intended: my contractions stopped completely. At that point, given it looked like things were going to take a while yet, my friend went home for a bit to get some rest in her own bed and see her family. Every time I tried to rest, even with Tylenol and Gravol and propping myself up on pillows, the contractions would come on even more intensely. 

Around midnight that fourth night, the contractions had intensified enough in duration and frequency that I called my backup midwife (my primary midwife was off call). We spoke for a while, with her listening to me during my contractions. She didn’t think I was in active labour yet, so she recommended I try to get more rest, which after three nights and countless unsuccessful attempted naps, was incredibly frustrating. I called my friend, realizing at this point that I could no longer be by myself, but she didn’t pick up. Panicking, dialing her number over and over, feeling helpless and alone, I started to think I would maybe have to call my mom, but eventually, my friend did pick up and she came over. I alternated between being in the pool, which was soothing to the point of slowing my contractions, and getting out so they would pick up again. In between contractions when I was out of the pool, we played Quirkle and I read. No one felt like baking a groaning loaf. By the time my midwife’s student called and said I could come to the clinic if I wanted, it felt like there was no longer a point. They said my backup midwife would call to make a plan for the evening a little later.

In thinking about what I would want that plan to look like, I realized I’d hit a wall: I’d then gone four days and nights without any real sleep, and while I could handle the pain of the contractions easily enough, I had absolutely no juice left. I was truly and utterly exhausted. I knew, without a doubt, that even if I went into active labour that very minute, I wouldn’t have the energy to make it through and deliver my baby safely. I turned to my friend, sobbing, and just said, “I’m so tired. I think we have to go to the hospital.” (to be continued)

#singlefeminist #choicemom #singlemombychoice #infertility