#Out of Time

[toughbunnyforever]

trying out human things. its boring

[crikey01]

a moment of silence for the songs and artists you've listened to loads just at the end of the year that haven't made your wrapped

[a-cat-in-toffee]

drawing them next to eachother is so funny

[itsatorchwoodthing]

to me one of the most heartbreaking scenes in torchwood is when jack stays in the car at the end of Out of Time, when he stays and just stares into the void - he just found out someone who can comprehend what he’s been through, someone like him, and the first thing that man does after finding out his old life is gone is kill himself, something jack can never do, he has to stay and feel and live that pain, there is no ‘easy way out’ for him, there will never be

[theinheriteddutchess]

Out Of Time

Pairing: Ari Levinson x reader

Summary: You hate Ari. It's not a secret to him. Your father died protecting you, and you would die to protect your bother. But he's waited almost 10 years, time's running out, and he won't let you go that easily.

Word count: almost 2400

Warnings: threat of death, Ari is a jerk, mentions of previous death, werewolf Pack have different rules and morals, yandere!Ari, nothing explicit

Notes: randomly started writing this a while ago, found out I actually liked it. Might make more if I get inspiration, but I will follow where the wind blows me, so until then it's a stand alone. Would love to hear if you like it, reblog ,comments, ask. I don't bite (only Sebastian Stan's butt is under threat).💕

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It was a mistake. He didn't deserve to be punished so severely. He was only a little boy.

But rules were strict in this pack. You behaved, or they made you behave. Still, death seemed to be too harsh for an nine year old. He had taken the mating necklace. But he was not thinking further than trying it, having admired it from a distance. He probably hadn't known what it was for, because Ari hadn’t used it yet. But it was sometimes talked about. Something the pack Alpha owned. He had just been looking up to his Alpha. Wanting to be like him.

You didn't feel the same way about Ari. You knew all about the rules. And Ari had proven to follow them strictly. That's how he killed your father. 

You never looked at him the same. 

You were repulsed by your mother, who kept telling you Ari had been young and still needed to establish his position. 

He had been young. Twenty-two. Young for a pack Alpha. But he had always been strong. He had challenged the previous leader, Andy, who had been gentler. Andy was kinder in his approach, gave a little more leeway. It had cost him though. Ari had been coming off his rut, full of adrenaline, and Andy had let his guard down. Before you knew it, there had been a fight and soon Andy laid lifelessly on the ground. 

Ari was Pack leader, and he wasn't as kind. He made it clear he demanded absolute obedience. And his height, as well as the weight in muscle he carried around, oozed dominance which most wolves didn't dare challenge.

Your father had soon been killed after. He had tried to shield you from the cruel Alpha and it had cost him his life. Still, his death did protect you. It was honorable to not pursue you after. And in your mind the last mate you wanted to have was him. 

Your mother mated again with someone else, too soon for your liking, and Mico was born shortly after. Life had to go on, even if you silently resented it.

But now your brother was to be put to death. And terror swept through you as you raced to reason with Ari. You had little hope you would get through him. But you had to try.

As you halted in front of his den, you breathed heavily. You tried to calm your racing heart, tried to gather your thoughts. You needed to be calm. 

You stepped inside, and waited at the entrance, if you got in any further you would have a big chance to be punished yourself and then your brother stood no chance.

“I expected you would come.” It sounded from further inside. You couldn't see him yet. The shadow shielding him effectively. 

“He's my brother. Of course I would.” You replied. You kept your eyes on the ground. It was a sign of respect, but mostly you did it because his face disgusted you. You didn't know how you could pretend otherwise. 

“So let's hear it. I'm assuming you're going to beg for his life?”

You gnashed your teeth. The mocking tone in his voice annoying you greatly, but what could you do?

“He's only nine. you know it wasn't done to disrespect you. In fact, there's no other he admires more.”

“And yet it was disrespectful.” he answered calmly. Deceivingly so. ”Any other I would have killed on the spot.”

“He's a child.” Tiny still for his age even. “He was curious. You could forgive him.”

“And show weakness to the pack? Now that would be foolish.”

“It wouldn't be weakness. It would be kind. Merciful.”

“Like Andy?” His cold voice sounded nearer, he was moving. “Need I remind you what happened to your favorite Alpha? Long gone, buried in the cold ground. More bones than flesh.”

“Andy was good.” You hissed. 

“Unlike me? That's what you mean right? You think I'm cruel?”

You refused to answer. It didn't matter. 

“I can be cruel, keep testing me and I will show how cruel I can be, little one.”

“I'm not here to argue.” You took a deep breath, bracing yourself. “I'm asking you to spare his life.”

He chuckled. “Braver than your mother.” 

You smelled him so much stronger now. A deep, rich scent. Clean. Not unpleasant. His face came into view. Blank. His expression showed nothing about what he was feeling. 

“Go on, tell me how I should save him. Punish him in a different way. Letting everyone know you can steal from me and get away with it.”

You looked up at him, forgetting the rules, forgetting the need for respect. “If a child is threatening to you, maybe you're not worthy being Alpha.”

“Careful. I wouldn't want to put you next to your brother.” He warned calmly. 

“If you did, It would only prove my point.”

He let out a laugh. “Here I was, thinking you'd plead. But of course you wouldn't. You have too much pride. Like your father did. When he tried to turn me away.”

“At least he had guts. He died protecting me.”

“But died he did.”

Your fists balled. How you would love to rip his face to shreds, but you couldn't. It would help no one. 

“He died so I could be free.”

“For now. Time is running out, and who will protect you now? Your mother? Her mate?” He grinned. 

No, they wouldn't. And you knew it. Your mother was submissive. Her mate was decent, but not strong enough to take on Ari. Or willing to risk it. 

“I will see when the time comes. Perhaps I will leave before it. And there are other ways.”

“I will not let you. If you mate with someone else I will challenge them. And they will lose. Their death will be on your conscience.”

There, he said it. The possessiveness so clear in his voice. His body tense, like he was ready to spring into action. 

“You would kill the man I choose to be with? And you wonder why I hate you?” You told him with contempt in your tone. “Perhaps I wasn't even talking about mating another. Perhaps if I can't leave, I will make sure you won't ever have me. There are ways. And I'm not afraid to die.”

“You would kill yourself?” he was surprised. Offended even. 

You shrugged, “There's things worse than death.”

“Any woman would be proud to be chosen!”

“Then pick one of them. I do not want you.” You snapped. “And I did not come here to talk about you or me, in any capacity. I came to talk about my brother.”

“And I have already made judgement. He will stand in front of the pack and he will fight me. There's nothing you will say to change what is already decided.”

It was ridiculous. To have a boy fight a grown man, three heads taller than him. He would never win. It was a joke of a trial.

“He can not beat you! Show some kindness, if you have any” you snarled. 

“You always say I don't have any,” he lazily replied.

“I will never forgive you for this,” you growled. 

“I'm sure I can manage your hatred after all these years of it,” he said, like he was already bored of the conversation. “It won't change a thing.”

“We will see,” you mumbled. You turned to walk away, but he called you back. 

“Kneel.”

You froze, but you knew you had to. Your knees touching the ground beneath you fluently. Head down. Respectful. How you resented it.

“See, you can listen,” he told you amusedly. “If only you did it more often.”

You kept quiet. He was taunting you, and you were done with this conversation. You waited till he dismissed you, and quickly left his residence. 

Your mother was holding back tears, yet you did not pity her. She was supposed to watch him, teach him. And most of all, protect him. Did she even try to reason with Ari? You had doubts. She would weep and grieve, but was she willing to give up her life? Not without permission from him. How pathetic. 

You knew the pack needed to listen to its leader. It was how it was done. But surely, for a child, rules were meant to bend. 

You watched Mico as he sat trembling with fear, waiting for the moment he was called. 

He wouldn't run. Going out there alone, especially at his age, meant death. And perhaps a prolonged one. 

You laid a hand on his head and bend down. 

“Do not fear him. I will be there and I'm not going to let him hurt you.” You told him softly, a whisper only he could hear. 

“You can't go against him,” he told you. Eyes big with tears. So young still. And such a burden to carry. 

“It will be alright. You're my little brother. I will always look after you.”

He threw his arms around you and silently cried in your arms. You let him let it out until he tired himself out, falling asleep on your shoulder, completely exhausted from the last 24 hours. 

Andy would have never put him through this. He was gentler. Fierce in his own way, but he was reasonable. Ari didn't care. He only cared about the respect he got from the group. 

So at night, you gathered.

It was a solemn mood. You all knew what was going to happen. The whole pack was there, staring at their leader and the boy next to him, waiting for him to speak.

Ari straightened and raised his voice, letting it carry, even to the ones standing at the back. “We all know what happened. We all know the punishment for stealing from your Alpha! It is nothing less than death!”

A murmur rose in the crowd, affirmative, but sad. No one wanted to see a kid die. They all saw Mico as one of them, it could've been their child, if they didn't pay attention. They all were reminded to watch their children's every move. To prevent them from having to stand out there, awaiting the execution. It was a harsh lesson. 

You ignored your mother's teary eyes and rough breathing. She had not once interfered. Your lip pulled up in a disgusted snarl. You would never look at her the same after this. When your father died there might never be a close bond with her again, especially not because she seemed intent to move on quickly. But her child… you couldn't believe, even now, she did nothing. 

“It is one of our oldest rules and must be respected. Before dawn his life will end. It can be a swift death” at this Ari turned to Mico, almost amusedly before he continued. “Unless you wish to fight me for it?!”

You growled, fist balling at the mockery of that question. Even if he had changed the sentence, something you had been surprised about, it was still death. If he accepted, his life would end swiftly, fight Ari, and his death would be brutal and it would happen slow. 

“I challenge you!” You raised your voice. 

Some people gasped, others just turned to look at you. 

Your mother mumbled “no!”, but you ignored her, as well as her hand that tried to prevent you from stepping forward.

“My life, or yours, for his.” You said while you marched forward. “Either way, he lives.”

You saw a moment of surprise in his eyes, it didn't last long. He still had that amused smile on his face. “You, little one? You wished to fight me.”

You wished him dead. 

“Yes, instead of him. It is law.”

“It is.” He watched you with dark eyes, thinking. “But I do not wish to fight you.”

‘You will’, you thought, ‘you have to’. “I have challenged you!”

“And I decline,” he shrugged. “Your death would be meaningless. Honorable perhaps, but utterly useless. No. A fight will not happen. But there is a way to settle this.”

You didn't like hearing that. Ari could be callous if he wanted to be, and you hadn't counted on him denying you this fight. 

“He stole the Mating Necklace. The oldest relic we have, passed down generations, only for the Pack's Alpha to gift for his chosen mate. Will it not be fair then, if I'm gifted something in return? The necklace for a bride?”

You swallowed, you knew what he was trying to do. This had not been the plan. You had expected him to take your offer. You hadn’t expected to win, he was too strong, but you were fierce, you would have made it difficult, and you would have had purpose. In a way, you would have had freedom. 

Everyone seemed to like the idea however. What a great way to end this horrible ordeal. The child would live, and their Alpha would finally have a mate. Perhaps soon there would be another celebration if the Union would be fruitful. 

You felt the excitement go through the group. The energy almost touchable. 

You started sweating, eyes darting around, before finally settling on the trees nearby. You had no chance to make a run for it now. Ari was watching you intensely. Like he expected you to. He would make chase. He would not hold back.

It was like he said; he would not let you leave. 

“What will it be, hmm? Your brother’s life, or yours?”

You took a step to lash out, to trigger a fight, but your brother piped up quickly, reading you like a book. “I will die. Please, I will. It's okay.”

He only looked at you, and it broke you. Freezing where you stood, you could only look back. He was trying to protect you. And that most of all settled it. You could not lose him, and you had no other options. 

“I accept,” you whispered.

There was a cheer, but you ignored it. People were crowding you, congratulating, touching, laughing, you did not care. You knew your life would not be yours. 

Your eyes broke contact with your brother in the jostle of the excitement of others. 

You still saw Ari though, his smile wide with satisfaction and victory. 

He had what he wanted for so long. 

[royalmorningblue]

Damon with one of the friendship bracelets I made for my friends. We gave it to him on Sunday morning and then 4 days later he still had it on. I love him so much.

[legitalicat]

Out of Time

Chapter 1 - "Along Blackwater Bay"

AN: This dedication has been removed. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoy your works.

If you love this header go check out zaldritzosrose for more amazing work! She is tagged on the series masterlist and on my welcome post!

Find the series Master list here!

Summary: Princess Y/N Velaryon awakes on the shore of Blackwater Bay confused, hurt, and alone. She is found and escorted to the Red Keep, where she learns the circumstances surrounding her awakening.

TW: memory loss, reader is AFAB, talks/descriptions of injury, first person POV because I suck at any other POV I am sorry

Word count: 3.7 K

I awoke on the shores of King’s Landing, the water from Blackwater Bay rushing up my lower legs. My heart was pounding as I sat up. There was no reasonable explanation as to how I ended up here. Last night I went to sleep in my bed, feeling rather warm and fuzzy from the wine I had consumed at dinner.

The early morning light was shining through the mist that was coming off the water. Slowly, I made my way into a standing position. My black dress was torn around the hem, soaked from the sea water. My muscles were sore and my bones stiff. Every breath I took felt as though I was being punched in the left side. I was near certain my brown hair was wild, no longer in the neat braid I most commonly kept it in.

There weren’t any citizens on the shores this time of morning. For many, they would have already went out in their boats to begin their fishing for the day. The others, it was simply too early to start the day. However, I did see two city watchmen doing their rounds on the docks.

“Excuse me!” I shouted to them, waving my arms. They approached me, their gold cloaks shining in the sun. I recognized neither of them.

“Princess Y/N?” One asked as he stopped in front of me. I nodded softly. “Come with us.”

I could not really tell which guardsmen they were. They were in full armor, donning a helm and chainmail covering all but their eyes. Being roughly the same height as each other, that wasn’t even helpful to determine who I was following. However, I knew that nobody wearing golden cloaks would bring any harm to me. My stepfather would have their heads if my mother didn’t get to them first.

So, I made the only decision I could make in this instance. Silence laid over us like a thick fog as I walked with them through the city streets. One in front of me, one behind me, their hands on the swords at all times. We went to the barracks at which point they told me to stay in the front room. The one that had walked in front of me went off , I suppose to inform his commander of this situation, while the other man stood in the room with me. It was not long before there were a few other watchmen and even a serving girl to sit with me.

Nobody dared to speak to me other than what was necessary. Even when I threatened them with my status, first born child of the heir to the Iron Throne and betrothed to her heir, so that one day I would be Queen, did not loosen their tongues. None of my questions were answered. All that was said was that my mother would answer any question I had.

They spent longer than I thought necessary preparing a carriage to take me up to the Red Keep. I was almost certain I heard their commander send a small group of men to shut down the streets between here and the Red Keep but that couldn’t be right. Never had the streets been closed because of my travels, as there had never been a time that I was in danger. Once he received word that all the streets were closed and nobody would be looking to the street, I was put into a carriage.

My ride to the Red Keep was done with the singular maid in the carriage with me, one watchmen controlling the carriage, and three others riding around on horseback. They weren’t brought to my precession until after I was already in my seat. And still, nobody spoke to me. I could only glance out the windows at the city to try to see the citizens of King’s Landing, but it seemed though I had heard the Watch’s Commander correctly and the men did completely empty the streets.

It was midday by the time that the carriage stopped in front of the door to the keep. The door was opened and I was offered a hand to help me out. It was the first protocol that had been kept in my presence. And now that I was on the ground, I finally saw the first people besides the Gold Cloaks and the maid.

At the top of the stairs stood my mother, my step grandmother holding her hand tightly as they both looked at the carriage. Queen Alicent had always been a forceful presence in my life, demanding things of my mother and father that were crude and unfair. Though she never liked my brothers, I seemed to be near and dear to her in a way that not even her own daughter was. One could almost convince me she viewed me separately from them as though I were anyone but my mother’s daughter.

Flanking each of them were their respective sides of the family. My twin, my betrothed, Jacaerys stood beside my mother. He was more shocked than I had ever seen him when we made eye contact. There was Lucerys beside him, who looked older than he should as he was a man grown, and the same could just about be said about Joffrey. The other two boys on my mother’s side could’ve only been Aegon III and Viserys II, my two baby brothers, but they were not babies. They were easily nine and seven respectively. It shouldn’t have been possible. It was only last night that they could have easily fit in my arms, now they were half my height.

When I looked to Alicent’s side, Aegon and Aemond stood beside her with Helaena further back. Her three children, Jaehaerys, Jaehaera, and Maelor stood hand in hand beside of her. Again, everyone looked older than they should, older than when last I saw them.

My step father Daemon and my step sisters Rhaena and Baela were not with my mother, but the maid whispered to me that they were visiting our grandparents in Driftmark. She gave me no answers to any other question.

Out of everyone, there were three people that desperately wanted to break free from the crowd. Obviously my mother was trying to hold some decorum, some sort of semblance of what it means to be a Targaryen, even though I could see her inching closer. Jace was completely frozen with shock, the pull that existed between us not enough to motivate his feet. Then there was Aemond, who seemed to be willing to disregard all things that could be considered proper as he took the steps two at a time to close the distance between us.

His arms were around me before I could blink, and despite the physical pain when he touched my side, it caused a comfortable feeling in my brain that soothed something inside of me. I returned his affections, desperate for some sort of connection. As much as it had always annoyed my brothers, Aemond and I were very close growing up. He and I were the last to get dragons, the last to fulfill what it means to be a Targaryen. It binds you in ways that you can’t explain to anyone else.

“Byka zaldrīzes,” he whispered to me. Little Dragon, the name he gave me the moment he claimed Vhagar, to assure me one day I would have one too. “How I have missed you.”

“I don’t understand, Aemond. Why is everyone acting as though I am not real? One would think I died.” I asked him, loud enough so that my voice would carry.

“You have been gone for nearly six years,” my mother said. I pulled myself from Aemond’s grip to look at her.

“What?” my voice was cracked under the pressure that was building in my chest. “No. No. I was just with you all last night. I would know if I had been gone.”

Then I turned my gaze to Jace, who still looked as though he has seen a ghost. His inability to come to me, the way he watched me like I was about to dissolve in the wind, not even commenting on Aemond’s grasp on me, it told me all I need to know. The words were true and I had missed out on six years.

But I needed him beside me. He was my brother, my twin, I have existed for as long as he has and will continue to exist as long as he does. We were written in the stars, always destined for each other. We had given each other everything as we knew we were to be married one day.

“Issa dārys,” I called to him. My king. He will be my king one day, a good husband and father to my future children. We will rule the kingdom together, side by side. We’ve known this for our entire lives, and once we could really understand it, there was no turning back.

He slowly descended the stairs to me. Our eyes stayed glued to each other as he closed the distance. My body yearned for him. He was my other half; we were not two separate entities, simply just two pieces of the same soul.

When he was within arm’s reach of me, his ability to show restraint faltered. He grabbed me by the face and kissed me, all regard for propriety out the window. But it wasn’t as though I minded. I belonged to Jace, I always had, so it was only natural that I returned his affections. Propriety be damned.

It was less than a minute, rather tame compared to all other kisses we’ve shared, but the moment it was over, I become increasingly aware of cracks forming in my heart. His forehead resting against mine, I could guarantee I was home. I was safe as long as we were together.

My mother had informed me that I was not to be alone for the coming weeks. When we were alone in the room I had growing up here, she held me to her and cried. She insisted on me having a bath before I see the Maesters. A few of her most trusted maids helped me out of my dress and into the bath. The way her face contorted in mental anguish, tears forming in her eyes, as she looked over my body was something I would never forget. A glance in a mirror showed I had bruises and scars scattered across my body, including over my ribcage on the left, and a busted lip I was unaware of until now.

“If it brings any comfort, I do not remember it happening,” I said to her quietly as she sat beside the tub. There was a failed attempt to prove to her I was okay as I went to pour water over my hair, but the stretching motion caused enough pain I lost my breath.

“It causes me more worry than anything,” she told me. Her voice was fragile in the same way a flower is, soft and delicate, able to be broken in one move if anyone chose. “But it is nothing you need to fret over. We shall have the Maesters examine you and treat you, in a few weeks it will be as though this didn’t happen.”

Mother asked the maids to go inform the Maesters of our need and then sent one to bring me food from the kitchens. I think it was in equal part that she needed to feel useful but also needing to just be alone with me. There was no part of my brain that could even fathom what she had been feeling for these years.

She caught me up on all of the happenings in our family while she washed me. The night I had gone missing, my grandsire was greeted by The Stranger. She lost the babe she had been pregnant with within a few days of that, a girl that was named Visenya. It was an impossible amount of grief to deal with in such a short time and all I wanted was to take away all of her pain and suffering.

“Did Otto not try to put Aegon on the throne?” I whispered to her as she took her time gently washing my hair. She refused to let it wait for the maids, insisting that five years is long enough for someone else to care for me.

“He wanted to, but when I sent Alicent a letter informing her of your disappearance, she halted her father’s plans,” she told me. “Nobody, not Aegon nor Aemond, cared for the throne after you were gone.”

“But why? She has hated you for as long as I can remember. They have hated us for just as long. What difference did I make?” I asked.

“Oh sweet girl, they have never hated you. I cannot say how they felt about your brothers, nor can I deny the resentment Alicent and I have felt for one another. You, however, have been loved throughout it all. You were the light of your grandsire’s life, Alicent has adored you from the moment she laid eyes on you. Aegon and Aemond both used to beg for your hand. You, darling, take after your father.” She ran the water through my hair, rinsing all of the dirt and oils from it. I ran my right hand through it, as that was the only arm I could lift so high without crying, and it felt much cleaner than it had before.

“Which father?” I spoke, barely above a whisper, standing with her assistance.

“Both Laenor and Ser Harwin loved you dearly, as they were both loved by you. You enchanted them from the moment you made your entrance into the world, and you did so until they died. You are both of them, the best of them, in a perfect package.”

I could only nod. Jace and I knew from a very young age that Laenor was not our blood. He claimed us all the same, cared for us as much as he could. Ser Harwin, though, made every difference in our lives. Even if Luke wasn’t completely aware, our father spent every moment he could watching over us. He trained with the boys every morning, attended my lessons as much as possible, trained me in swords in the eve. He was there for Luke’s birth, was there within a few hours of Joffrey’s. And the love he held for my mother, to be willing to love her from a distance and sire children he could never claim…it was admirable.

“Jace never married,” I stated. It was not a question, but an observation. I knew far too well that if he had, he would never have put the shame on his wife that would’ve been given to her when he kissed me so publicly.

“The two of you share a special connection. He could not bring himself to agree to any marriage proposal until we knew one way or another. He said that he would only be with his other half unless there were no other options,” she spoke softly. She helped me into a new dress, a beautiful sea green color to represent House Velaryon.

“So, until my body washed ashore somewhere?” I asked, a ghost of a laugh coming through. I could see a frown slowly creeping onto her face. “Mother, I’m sorry. I can’t Imagine how difficult the last few years have been.”

“You are back now, my darling girl. That is what matters,” she told me, sitting me in the nearest chair so that she could braid my hair. “Aegon asked me to annul his marriage to Helaena. Their’s was not a happy one, I do not wish that upon any of my family.”

I was grateful for her gentle touch as she worked carefully with my hair. It wasn’t as though my mother had ever been rough with me, but there was a gentleness that she always seemed to have whenever we were sick or hurt.

The first time Jace flew on Vermax, he pulled me onto the saddle. We both returned blistered and aching. Yet once it hit midnight and my fever had fully set in, it was realized I had an Infection because I wasn’t wearing proper dragon riding clothes and my skin was rubbed off until I was bleeding. She sat by my side for nearly a week then. She prayed to nearly every god, even the ones she had no faith in, and she was so soft with me you would think she was a mere common woman instead of the future Queen.

“And Aemond?” I asked her once she pulled her hands away from my hair.

“Refuses to marry. He has wanted to marry you since the two of you attempted to run off to Dragonstone when you were children,” she chuckled. “If I did not know you, I would say that was his idea.”

“In my defense, we had been speaking about the Valyrian traditions that have been lost. He and I were going to marry in the tradition of Valyria and then Jace and I would marry under the Seven,” I told her, a smile on my face.

I was approximately five years old when that became our plan in life. Aegon the Conqueror had two wives, so I would have two husbands. Of course, whenever Jace was told about this plan, he vehemently denied me. He said he would give me everything that I would ever need when he was king.

“He was hoping that Jace would find a new bride, so that when you came back he could have you,” she told me, taking my hands in hers. “Before you ask, yes. He was certain you would come back. He spent nearly a year searching all of Westeros for you on Vhagar. He only returned at the request of Helaena.”

“What do I do, mama?” I whispered. “It has been so long, so much has changed. Little Aegon and Viserys won’t even know me. Is Vhaela even alive?”

Vhaela was my dragon. She had been a wild dragon that approached King’s landing near six moons before my eighteenth nameday. She was the most gorgeous shade of amethyst, her scales glittering in the sunlight whenever I flew her. She had rested on a mountain not far out from the city and I snuck out of the castle to get a closer look. Never had I known of a dragon who was so calm and regal when being approached. It was like she was royalty and she knew exactly what the difference between us was. It was this confidence she carried that lead me to attempt to claim her, and she graciously agreed to a partnership with me.

“Vhaela is in the Dragon Pit. She enjoys flying when Aemond and Jace go, I believe she feels close enough to you through them to allow them to care for her. As for your younger brothers, we did not let them forget. They know you, not in the same way they know Jace, Luke, and Joffrey, but you are not a stranger to them,” she assured me. Her voice did not waiver in this. It was instead supported by a firmness that could only result from a confident truth.

She turned me to face her directly, hands starting to squeeze mine. The look on her face was so tender, so comforting, I wasn’t sure what to do except let a few tears leave my eyes. It all felt so overwhelming, and there was no certainty as to what I should do.

“You wished to be betrothed to Jace at a young age. Do you still wish it?” she asked me quietly. “Or does your heart desire another?”

“I love Jace with my entire being,” I told her firmly. It was everything I could do to ignore how my heart began racing.

“Save for the piece of your heart that has long been held by Aemond.”

My head dropped. There was nobody that I had ever told of my affections for Aemond. He had never exactly been subtle, that I would admit. A year before Luke’s claim to Driftmark was questioned, my Grandsire the King had requested my appearance at court. He wished to spend time with me. And during that time, Aemond and I grew as close as we were as children. Maybe even closer.

But that did not matter. Those were the adventures of a young girl. I was promised to Jace formally when my family came to King’s Landing. Any affections that I had for Aemond was left behind in that moment.

The kisses that we shared In the library or in the gardens were innocent. The nights spent in my chambers, talking until the sun comes up. We absolutely did not do anything that was considered something that could ruin me. We did not make each other come undone for hours every night.

“That was a girl’s exploits. I belong with Jace, we were brought into the world together and together we shall always be,” I said while trying to keep my voice steady as hers. Yet, when it came to the overwhelming truth of Aemond and I, I was never steady. And so I turned away from her, withdrawing my hands from her touch. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her stand.

“I only wish to see you happy, to marry for love and not for duty,” she told me, taking a flower from a vase nearby and sticking it in my hair. “Allow yourself to court both of them. There have been many changes during your time gone. When you have been made completely sure, I will not question your mind again.”

Before I could say anything in response, knock on the door echoed through the room. The Maesters were here to examine my injuries. Instinctually I turned to face mother, who silently promised me she was not leaving. With a deep and painful breath, I was able to nod and allow them inside.

[daisynik7]

Out of Time Part Two - Nanami x f!reader

Click here for Part One!

Rating: Explicit - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

cw: PIV sex (doggy, cowgirl), cunnilingus, fingering, spit play, nipple play, cum-eating, dirty talk, cream pie, multiple orgasms, just downright filthy smut, alright?

Word Count: ~3.7k

Summary: Finished with your thesis, and a huge weight lifted off your shoulders, you can finally focus on the only other thing occupying your mind the past forty-eight hours: Kento Nanami, the man you met two nights ago at your favorite bar, the one you shared an unforgettable evening with. Through serendipity, and with a little help from your friends, two well-acquainted strangers reconnect for one more night. Author's Notes: The very smutty part two of this little fic! I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it! Likes, reblogs, and/or comments are always appreciated! Thank you!

One last tap of your mouse on the Submit button and your thesis is complete. A week from today, you’re scheduled to present it in front of your faculty advisor and a few other professors, which you’re not concerned about considering you’ve dedicated hundreds of hours of research to this topic. A week after that, you’ll be handed your diploma, officially a graduate. With the written portion finished, you feel a giant burden lifted off your shoulders, one that’s been weighing on you since the start of the semester. For the first time in months, you’re free. 

You collapse onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling, smiling. Besides ridding yourself of the dreaded essay, there’s another big reason why you’re giddy: Kento Nanami. You’ve tried your best to keep him in the back of your mind, at least until you submitted your paper. However, it’s been quite the challenge, especially after the unforgettable evening the two of you shared two nights ago. It’s a faraway dream you let yourself indulge in. Too good to be true, too perfect to be real. You said your goodbyes without exchanging phone numbers. Still, it doesn’t hurt to fantasize about it. Right?

You check your phone for the first time since yesterday, basically isolating yourself from the outside world. There are several texts from Gina, making sure you’re alive. A couple from other group chats, the usual collection of messages you’re used to seeing after staying offline for more than a day. However, one from an unknown number captures your attention. You’re almost certain it’s spam, ready to block and delete without a second thought. You check it anyways, unprepared for what you’re about to read.

~~~

Two nights ago

Nanami presses his palms together, almost in prayer, tapping his fingers to his nose. He stares at Gojo, who has that typical shit-eating grin plastered on his face, typing away on his phone. After several minutes of discussion, Nanami agrees to accept Gojo’s help to reconnect with the woman he kissed tonight, the one who left him with this odd fluttering sensation in his belly.

“Alright. I sent it. Now we wait,” Gojo says, stretching his arms out. When there’s no response within five minutes, he stands up, getting ready to sleep, leaving his phone on the bed. Nanami is too anxious to leave his current position, willing for a reply to come soon. Thankfully, the universe grants his wishes, the phone vibrating and flashing a notification with Gina’s name on it. 

“Gojo, she texted you back,” he yells out to his friend, staring at the screen. He’s tempted to check the message himself, but Nanami is still a man of reason, not wanting to invade his friend’s personal property.

“You can read it,” Gojo says from the bathroom, sounding like he has a toothbrush shoved in his mouth. “Go ahead, buddy. I know you want to.”

With permission granted, he unlocks the phone, clicking on the familiar icon to view their conversation:

Gojo: Hey beautiful, can you give me your friend’s #? Nanami is smitten and the dumbass forgot to ask for it.

Gina: LOL I’ll give it but tell the croissant man to text her AFTER she submits her thesis.

Gina: so in 2 days

Gina: and tell him she’s smitten too.

Nanami can’t contain his smile at the last text. 

~~~

You read the message, so surprised, you double back and do it again, this time more carefully. 

Hi, this is Nanami. Congrats on finishing your thesis. If you’re free tonight, we should celebrate.

A rush of thoughts invades your mind. Somehow, he found your number, most likely from Gojo, who asked Gina. But it’s the fact that he wanted to find you, to contact you, that has your head spinning in a pleasant frenzy. You were convinced that after that night, you’d never see him again. You also assumed that him living in Tokyo, almost one hour from here, would be a deal breaker. But if there’s one thing you learned about Nanami that fateful night, it’s that he’s a man of many surprises. 

His last sentence sticks out to you the most. He’s offering to celebrate tonight. Does that mean he’s willing to take the hour-long journey just to see you? Or is it possible that he’s here? Not one to entertain mysteries, you decide to give him a call instead of responding through text. First, you save his number under his name, resisting the strong urge to add a little heart emoji next to it, then you prepare yourself before dialing. 

After two rings, he picks up. “Hello?”

“Hi, Nanami. It’s me.”

He chuckles softly. “It’s you.”

“I’d love to take you up on your offer. Maybe we can meet halfway so you don’t have to travel so far.”

“That’s unnecessary. I’m actually still here.” He hesitates before continuing. “I booked the hotel room for a few more nights. Gojo left and it’s just me.” Another pause. “I’m not trying to seduce you or anything, but I would really like to see you again.”

You giggle to yourself, though you’re sure he hears it too, with the way you catch the hitch in his breath. “Me too. Let’s meet at the same bar then, tonight at 8. We can grab a drink or something.”

“Or something,” he repeats, the grin on his face audible through the phone. “That sounds wonderful. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Oh, and Nanami?”

“Yes?”

“Maybe I’m in the mood to be seduced tonight.”

With that, you hang up, smirking, heading to your closet to find the perfect outfit.

~~~

Nanami doesn’t get flustered easily, but whatever powers this woman possesses over him, it’s working. Because he is most definitely flustered. 

Maybe I’m in the mood to be seduced tonight.

Her parting words replay in his head over and over. In all honestly, it shouldn’t surprise him, considering what they almost did inside that karaoke room. Still, he’s caught off guard by her boldness. And very much turned on. He paces his hotel room, checking his watch to calculate how much time he has until they meet. A couple hours to go. He’s tempted to call her and see her now, but he doesn’t want to come on too strong. He reminds himself that patience is a virtue, and tonight will be well worth the wait. There are a few errands he thinks of to distract himself, the day passing relatively quickly until it’s time for him to get ready. 

He steps out of the hotel around 7:50 PM, dressed in his typical attire: tan suit, navy blue dress shirt underneath, and his signature spotted tie. His glasses are tucked inside his breast pocket for safe keeping. As he crosses the street to approach the bar, he feels the nerves jittering through his body. He doesn’t want this to end up being a big disappointment, for either him or her. 

Upon entering, he doesn’t expect to see her yet. Nanami is used to being early to things; he prides himself in being punctual, and rarely expects that from anyone else. So when he does spot her, standing at one end of the bar, stunning in a black dress that accentuates her beauty in the most dazzling way, all his worries disappear. The only thought in his mind is that he wants this woman, needs this woman. And if it’s only for one more night, he’s going to make the most out of it. 

She immediately notices him, a bright smile on her face as he walks towards her. With a wave, she greets him. “Nanami. You found me.”

“I found you,” he responds, returning her grin. “Congrats on finishing your thesis.”

“Thank you. I’m so relieved.” 

There’s a slight pause as Nanami studies her, trying not to be too obvious. She does the same, her eyes slowly checking him out from head to toe. Deciding to be completely candid tonight, no holding back, he says, “You’re beautiful.”

She giggles, averting her gaze away from him, nervous. “Thank you.”

“Why did you have to wear a dress like this tonight?” he asks, leaning closer to her. He wants to touch her hand, hold it between his. The memory of them dancing together in the karaoke room the other night feels distant; he wants to remember the softness of her skin, the way their fingers lock together perfectly. 

“Do you not like it?” she asks.

“You know I do.”

“So what’s the matter?” She bats her eyelashes, teasing him. She knows exactly what she’s doing. 

Something in him snaps. He can’t control himself anymore. The desire to finish what they started takes over. Bowing his head, he whispers in her ear, “I’m trying to be good, I really am.”

With a wicked smirk on her face, she replies, “I don’t want you to be good. I want you to be mine.”

Minutes later, they’re stepping into the elevator of the hotel, hand-in-hand, Nanami’s face flush, anticipating what’s about to occur. Once the doors close, he remains still, desperately wishing she makes the first move. Seconds in, his wish is granted. She tugs at his tie, pulling him in for a kiss, hungry and eager. His hands roam to her waist, gripping her tightly, fingertips pressed shallow into her flesh through the fabric. He can’t wait to strip this off her, worship her bare body, touch every centimeter of her supple skin. Run his tongue along her most sensitive spots, make her whimper in pleasure. It’s all he’s thought about the last two nights. 

Once inside the room, he gently pushes her against the closed door, kissing her deeply, tongue swirling around hers. His fingers reach for the zipper behind her dress, slowly pulling it down until it’s split, exposing her back. He feels for the clasp of her bra, undoing it in an instant. She undresses from the top, shoving the clothing off her shoulders and wiggling out, now naked from the waist up. He admires her breast before dipping down to wrap his lips around her nipple, tugging at it between his lips as she hums in pleasure. He’s gentle with her, unsure what her limit is when it comes to things like this. But he’s not sure how much longer he can hold back. 

“You can suck them harder, if you want,” she whispers, watching him. “I like it a little rough.”

It takes everything in him to not growl on the spot. He feels like an animal in heat, lust fueling every carnal desire he possesses. Permission granted, he suckles at her peaked tits, his entire mouth surrounding her breast. His free hand grasps at her other nipple, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger, teasing her until she swears wantonly,  “Oh fuck!” Her head thrown back against the door, eyes shut tight, fingers buried in his blonde hair. He flicks his thumb across her swollen teat when he relaxes his grip. He wants her sore and satiated when he’s done with her. Test out all the ways he can make her come, whether from his cock, his fingers, his mouth. Whatever he can do; he wants to give her his all tonight. 

In a haste, he sheds his tan blazer, tossing it to the floor. The rest of his outfit follows, until he’s clad only in his briefs, with his erection tight against the fabric, a spot of precum leaking through. She makes her way to the bed, sliding the rest of her dress off, panties clinging to her, waiting for him. He hurries over, grinning as he positions himself beside her, caressing her cheek, kissing her slowly, relishing the way her mouth melts into his. His fingers gradually trail down, memorizing every curve of her body, in case they run out of time again. He’s unsure what the future holds for them. So he’ll spend the entire night if he has to, learning everything about her until he knows her like the back of his hand, until she’s familiar in his mind.  

He breaks the kiss to latch his mouth onto her breast, cupping it in one hand, his other between her legs, silk panties already damp. Rubbing at the wet spot, his cock twitches, feeling her arousal on his fingertips. She spreads her legs wider, moaning, running her fingers along his tousled hair. “I love it, Nanami. I love it.”

He hooks his finger around the crotch of her panties, sliding it off completely. With a pop, he releases her from his mouth, kneeling beside her to study her naked form. “God, you’re so beautiful. I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

She sits up, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’m the lucky one.”

“We’re both lucky, then,” he says, nuzzling his nose to hers. 

Giggling, she presses her lips to his. “Didn’t think you’d be this lovey-dovey.”

“Do you want me to be mean? I can do that too.” He nips at her bottom lip, smirking. 

She laughs again. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Oh, you’re asking for it, aren’t you? Naughty girl.” He grabs at one of her ass cheeks, squeezing at her plush flesh. “Always trying to seduce me.” 

“Who, me? I’m innocent,” she teases, pouting at him. She palms the erection confined in his briefs. He bucks his hips at the contact, swearing, “Fuck, I can’t take it anymore. I need to taste you now.”

Leaning back against the pillows, she spreads her thighs wide with a wicked look on her face. “Go ahead, then. Help yourself.”

~~~

Your cheeks are hot with arousal, nipples swollen and sensitive from Nanami’s torment. His erection is strained beneath his underwear, unbearably uncomfortable. He slips his thumb beneath the band and slides it down his legs, boner springing free against his abdomen. Your pussy throbs, yearning for his thick girth inside you. Without wasting any more time, he positions himself between your legs, flicking his tongue at your clit. His lips surround you, sucking at your bud until it’s plump in his mouth, swishing his spit around it. Pleasure radiates from your core, causing you to spasm. He hums against your skin, amused at your reaction, his movements becoming sloppier by the second the deeper he dives into you. He teases his middle finger along you entrance. “Can I finger you?” he asks, voice muffled as his tongue continues to work on you. 

You nod erratically, willing to agree to whatever he offers you. He slides in slowly, the lewd squelch of his thick finger against wet skin enough to push you close to the edge. He inserts his ring finger next to the middle, curling the tips as far as they can reach, brushing your sweet spot. That, in conjunction with the relentless slurping of your clit, has you in a fucked-out daze. 

Without warning, he pulls out of you, causing you to whine from the sudden emptiness. He studies his digits, glistening in your arousal, and sticks them inside his mouth. You watch with your tongue lolling out of your mouth in a dumb expression, in awe as he slurps and swallows your slick like a treat he’s been waiting for all fucking night. He smiles at you, meeting your gaze, clearly enjoying your expression at the little stunt he just performed. “Are you okay?” he asks, lowering himself back towards your pussy, waiting for your answer before he resumes. 

You nod once more, too bewitched by him to respond coherently. He spits on your pussy, thick and syrupy, smearing it over your puffy clit. He repeats this a few times, drenching you in his warm saliva. Suddenly, it’s all too much. There’s tightness in your abdomen, body becoming rigid as your reach your high. That doesn’t stop him; he continues to lap at your arousal, growling, “Come all over my face. Give it to me.” It’s not until your twitching from overstimulation that he slows down. With one last kiss, he pulls off, mouth and chin sticky with your cum. He licks around his lips, collecting whatever he can to swallow. You start to relax against the mattress, head dizzy from the aftermath of your intense orgasm. Still, you’re aching to feel him deep inside you. 

“Don’t stop,” you utter. “I want you inside me.”

He looks at you, concerned. “Are you sure?”

You reach for him, tugging him close to you. “Absolutely sure. Don’t hold back on me.” 

Chuckling in that low, sexy voice, he answers, “As you wish, princess.” He sits up beside you, rolling you on top of him so that you’re straddling his lap. “I want you like this,” he whispers into your ear, giving you a smack on your ass. You drape your arms around his shoulders, holding onto him securely, ready for the ride. He guides his cock inside you, slipping in smoothly. Breath hot on your ear, he asks, “Can you give me another one? Just one more before I come?”

You nod lazily without speaking, rocking your hips against him, hooked on the feeling of him buried deep inside you. He bounces you on his cock like his own personal sex doll, body pliant, slamming down easily on his dick. It’s addicting, the way he pumps into you, fucking your sweet spot like it’s never been fucked before. “Does this feel good? When I fuck this pretty pussy?” He scatters chaste kisses along your neck, dewy from perspiration. 

“Yes, oh fuck yes,” you manage to say weakly, all your energy drained from being fucked into a frenzy.   

“Make yourself come again. Want it really creamy,” he huffs, head bowed, watching his dick disappear in and out of your tight cunt. You moan at his filthy words, reaching between you, toying with your slippery bud. It doesn’t take long for you to come again, your sticky mess coating his cock with each thrust. “I’m coming!” you cry out, clenching his broad shoulders. 

He follows, shooting his load inside you, thrusting until every last drop is released into your womb. You kiss him passionately, clinging to him closely, enough to feel the subtle thump of his heartbeat through his chest. It’s intimate the way your bodies meld to together, seamless and a perfect fit. Like it was truly meant to be. 

You carefully lift yourself off his lap, collapsing next to him. You’re spent, light-headed from pleasure, convinced that the both of you have hit your limit. But, as always, Nanami surprises you. “I’m not done with you yet,” he says, dragging you roughly to the edge of the bed where he stands, grip firm around your waist. “I want to fuck my cum even deeper inside you. Fill you up so it’s leaking out until tomorrow morning. Think you can take it?”

This switch in behavior doesn’t alarm you; in fact, it spurs you on, makes you instantly forget about your foggy brain and tired limbs. You crane your neck to look at him, meeting his lust-filled gaze. “Oh fuck, Nanami. I want it. Give it to me.”

He doesn’t hold back, per your request from earlier, and he does give it to you, fucking you feverishly into the mattress. Face buried into a pillow, biting to muffle the shameless moans spilling out of your mouth with each savage thrust. The bed frame starts to creak, his movements becoming more erratic as he approaches his second climax. He sputters nonsense, spilling inside you, too sensitive now to speak coherently. It takes a moment for him to calm down, pulling out slowly to watch his cum dribble out of you. With a pleased smile on your face, you crawl towards the middle of the bed, not caring about the mess, and retreat under the covers, closing your eyes. You feel the bed sink, Nanami joining beside you, arms wrapping you in a snug embrace, lips pressed to your forehead. 

“I’m sorry,” he starts. “I got a little carried away. I’m not usually like this.”

You let out a small laugh, opening your lids halfway. “That’s what they all say,” you tease him, resting your palm on his chest. 

“I mean it. If you feel at all concerned or offended by this, I – ”

You interrupt, placing a finger to his lips, shushing him. “Nanami, I liked it. A lot.” You hesitate before admitting, “I like you. A lot.”

His eyes widen at your confession. “What?”

Giggling, you repeat, “I like you, Nanami. I want to keep seeing you.” Suddenly, you feel embarrassed. You’re not even sure if he feels the same way about you. Quickly, you add, “If you don’t feel the same way, I understand. I can leave now if you want me to –”

It’s his turn to interrupt, this time with a kiss. It’s slow and smooth, no rush. When he breaks away, he whispers, “I like you, too. A lot. A whole lot.” 

You kiss again, relief and glee swelling in your chest. The two of you fall asleep in each other’s arms, his chin tucked to the top of your head, your face nestled into the crook of his neck. Your steady heartbeats lulling you into a peaceful slumber. 

~~~

Nanami can’t remember the last time he felt this kind of joy. In all honestly, maybe this is the first. 

He wakes up in the morning, the sun streaming through the curtain windows, illuminating his hotel room with a brilliant golden light. Best of all, she’s snuggled into his body, comfortable and cozy, as if she belongs here. It feels right. 

He watches her for a while before her eyelids flutter open. Catching him, she yawns, “Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 10. We have to check out soon.”

Frowning, she says, “We’re out of time again.” 

He nuzzles his nose to hers. “Just for today. But you and me, we have all the time in the world now, don’t we?”

She beams at him. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.”

They cuddle in silence for a few more moments before she suggests, “Want to get some croissants?”

Unable to contain his smile, he responds, “I thought you’d never ask.”

[thegirlwiththeblush]

ianto being the concerned but mildly fascinated dad who’s somehow everywhere at once in the supermarket in Out Of Time is sending me, i love him

[a-cat-in-toffee]

i just think theyre neat

[lostinlewis]

Out of Time ~ Part One

Rating: M

Words: 11,000

Character: Lewis Hamilton

Description: Two years of coparenting with a man that spends so much time away, two years of having to watch him live a life he swore would be worthless without you by his side, two years of navigating your feelings, your hopes, your dreams & all that made getting over Lewis entirely impossible. Your daughter was what brought you together in the first place, can she do it a second time?

•

“Lewis Hamilton, seven time champion of the world!”

That one line had become the backing track to your attempt at a lie in that morning. You were quite impressed with your ability to withstand it for nearly an hour before you had enough, it was far longer than usual.

The usual morning routine was playing out as it always did, sometime in the wee hours your daughter had found her way to your bed, her blanket in one hand and her iPad in the other, where she would prop herself up against your headboard to watch the one video she loved more than all the others.

It didn’t matter an inch that she had watched the same video almost constantly for over a year now, the look of pride on her beautiful face as she stared at the screen in awe, her tired eyes shone with adoration of the man it pictured; it was how she coped with missing him when he was away for work.

Every now and then she would whisper the word ‘Daddy’, it didn’t matter that he was covered in a helmet, his face hardly visible, he was her daddy, only hers, and she would love him just the same through a screen on the other side of the world, as she would in person; The true definition of love was that of a daughter and her daddy.

“Sweetie, how about we put something else on now?”

“No, I wanna watch Daddy!”

You smiled to yourself as she so sweetly argued her point, how could you ever possibly deny her what she loved the most? She was his double, a mini version of her dad, so much so you might as well have not been involved at all. As head strong as him certainly, but to look at it was as if you were looking at a little version of him and somehow, despite everything that had happened between you both, that filled you with so much joy.

The dark curls hung at her shoulders, much like his own did when he allowed them loose. Her smile was the kind that lit up her whole face, like his always did, her nose crinkled just like his did too, but her eyes, it was her eyes that were the most telling of her father; beautiful pearls of the deepest brown, the kind that were equally the kindest and the most intense you had ever seen.

You held a secret that you had never shared with another soul, and probably never would, but you were eternally grateful that she resembled him so much, it was both a comfort and upsetting in equal measures of course, but now that his eyes were no longer what you looked into every day, the eyes that showered you with looks of love at some of your lowest points, you had hers to now do just the same, even if she wasn’t at all aware of it.

“I have an idea, why don’t you call Daddy instead? I’m sure he will be so happy to see you!”

The little girl squealed in excitement as she expertly found the FaceTime app on her iPad, she always waited for permission to call him as she knew her dad wasn’t always available, she looked to you to tell her when he would be by his phone.

The ring sounded out for a little longer than usual, and instantly you were filled with regret. It was rare that you suggested calling him without first checking he was available to talk, something you had agreed on when your daughter was just a baby, he never wanted her to feel like he had let her down and you never wanted her to feel like she wasn’t his number one priority.

The call was only a few more rings away from going unanswered, the tears pooling in her eyes already told you she had realised this too. The guilt tugged at your heart strings in an instant, until you were quite literally saved by the bell, your doorbell.

“Mummy will be back in just a second, sweetie. Try Daddy again, sometimes it takes a little longer to reach the other side of the world…”

As you left the bed to answer the door, you grabbed your phone off the side, your thumbs working in overdrive as you walked down the hallway and desperately messaged him a plea for help for an issue you had so recklessly created.

‘I know you’re probably busy but I messed up, please call Bambi as soon as possible.’

Bambi was the nickname Lewis had given your daughter as she laid on his chest only a few days old, staring up at her dad in awe much like she does now, and him down at her with love practically pouring out of him.

“Big Brown eyes, just like a deer…just like Bambi…my little Bambi…Bambi…I like it, such a cute name. Maybe we should change her name to it?”

“We are not changing her name to Bambi, Lewis.”

“But it’s so cute!”

It was in that very moment that you first knew that there was no man more ready, and better built, to be a father more than he was. This memory is one of your fondest to look back on, even three years later, amongst all of the animosity that had built between you both over the years, he was your daughter’s father and Bambi was what united you in a bond that was impossible to break now.

“Hey you.”

Lewis was standing on your doorstep, dressed in what he always referred to as his home clothes, usually some variation of the grey tracksuit he wore today, the brightest smile on his face with a cuddly toy under his right arm; a deer, of course.

“Lewis…what are you doing here?”

There was no time for him to answer, interrupted almost immediately by the excited squeals of the little girl ringing through the hallway as she bounded towards you, swiping you to the side so she could get past you faster, to quite literally jump into Lewis’ arms.

It was only last week that they had spent a few days together, yet the way they clung to each other, eyes closed and slowly rocking, you would be mistaken for thinking it had been years.

Finally Lewis worked them apart, resting her on his forearm as he brushed his nose across hers, their thing. He was quite the picture as he walked into your home, baby deer under one arm, baby Lewis perched on the other, twirling her dad’s braid in between her fingers with a permanent smile on her face.

“Daddy, come play with me!”

Two years after the separation had brought you to the present day, two years of coparenting with the man you thought you would be spending the rest of your life with, yet you still hadn’t found a space to feel comfortable in with him. As they walked off towards your daughters room, hand in hand and unable to take their eyes off of each other, you sought comfort in preparing food for you all, comfort in being alone yet still being able to hear their excitement of being able to spend time together.

It had been two years of telling yourself that the next time you would spend time together as a family it would be easier, that you wouldn’t be immediately filled with regret of losing him, of breaking apart Bambi’s family, and that you definitely would not still long for him to want to come home to you also. It hadn’t happened yet, but you were optimistic.

“Hey.”

Lewis startled you, even with the softest tones of his voice, he sat down at the other side of the counter you were preparing food on. You lost your train of thought for a moment as you looked at him, he looked so soft, so cosy, every bit the man you had loved so dearly once upon a time. You quite literally had to shake your head to rid yourself of thoughts that only served a purpose of causing you pain.

“Shouldn’t you be preparing for a race, Lewis?”

Your words sounded far harsher than you had meant them, what was once a normal conversation between two people now found itself awkward, and with tension, pretty much whenever you spoke to him, despite almost never meaning for that to be the case.

“I should be, but I missed Bambi too much…”

There were many words hanging in the space after Lewis stopped his, unsaid words had become quite the common theme between you both. A part of you thought he might have left his admission of also missing you off the end of his sentence, but you were often delusional when it came to Lewis, you knew better than to trust your instinct here. Instinct could very often be clouded by the smoke of a love that had never quite burned out, instead it was one that simmered inside of you, waiting for its moment to completely engulf you in flames that you knew would destroy you.

“I was thinking…why don’t you both join me this weekend?”

“No, Lewis. She’s still too young to go to a race.”

“No she’s not, there’s kids younger there all the time. I want her there, I want her to see what her dad does when he’s not around, I want to spend Fathers Day with her…please.”

Your daughter always chose the most perfect moment to announce her arrival in a room, and this time was no different. Still with an untold amount of energy, she ran straight over to Lewis, climbing his leg until he helped her up to his knee.

“Miss you, Daddy.”

“But I’m here, Bambi.”

He could not help but stroke her cheek with his thumb as he looked at his daughter's face, the love that radiated off of him was quite the sight to behold.

“I know but I miss you.”

Although they shouldn’t have, your daughter's words made perfect sense, you remembered the feeling well, it was entirely possible to miss Lewis whilst he was still with you, the emotion was a consequence of loving a man who often had to leave.

This time they didn’t slink off to another room to play, the both of them sat together watching you finish preparing their meal as they chattered amongst themselves, occasionally breaking out into fits of giggles when Lewis tickled her sides.

“Okay, we will join you.”

They both froze, staring at you as you served them each a plate; one a mini version of the other, much like the two people you were feeding.

“You will?”

If you were not mistaken, Lewis’ eyes were glistening with a little more moisture than usual as he looked at you.

“Yes, like you said, it will be good for Bambi to see what her Daddy does everyday. Hopefully it will stop her from watching the same video on repeat everyday too.”

“Still? Daddy’s going to have to win another one, just to give you something else to watch, baby girl.”

Lewis kissed the forehead of the girl who was now stuffing her face with food, a tranquillity about her that she hadn’t had for a while now, not since the last time he was here anyway.

“Thank you for doing this.”

You didn’t respond with words, a smile was kinder. Whilst you knew it would make both of them happier than anything else, you also knew it would be the hardest weekend of your life. That didn’t matter though, not when you watched them together, the very best of friends, twins from their heads to their toes; even the way they ate was the same.

Anxiety plagued you from the moment you agreed to fly across the world to join Lewis at a race, and even when you walked out of the terminal, holding your little girl's hands, it ate away at you like the universe was determined to make you regret ever stepping foot on the plane.

Where is he? He promised to be here early to pick us up. I swear if he has sent a driver instead I will never forgive him.

Your eyes darted around the busy Montreal airport, Lewis was so distinctive you could spot him in any crowd in the world, but the familiar feeling of waiting for him had returned and you remembered exactly why your relationship was so fraught by the ending.

“There’s my girl…”

It had been such a long time since his voice had been an instant serotonin boost, but as he approached you both from behind, scooping your daughter up into his arms, you felt relief wash over you.

He hadn’t let you down and most importantly, he hadn’t let Bambi down either.

“Daddy I watched you on the plane and now you’re here!”

Despite the fact she was so tired she couldn’t stop rubbing her eyes, Bambi spoke about Lewis, to Lewis, with excitement soaring through her body.

“You did baby girl? The same video?”

“Actually no, I decided to introduce her to Interlagos last year…That was really something, huh?”

The smile that crossed his face beamed with pride, self pride was never his strong point, he was always humble through and through but there were moments where even he couldn’t deny his greatness, and in those moments you saw the little kid within him, the excited little bundle of joy, the one you now saw daily in your daughter.

“It was…it’s a shame you-“

Lewis stopped himself before he finished his sentence but he didn’t need to, the intention behind it was clear. Your gaze lingered a little longer before you thought best not to fight back against it, despite your relationship being long in the past, you still didn’t enjoy blowing out the spark within him when he allowed you to see it.

“Daddy, where is Canada?”

Bambi broke the tension that your unspoken words had quickly built and with that, Lewis led you both to his car as he explained in three year old terms where exactly in the world you all were.

The car ride back to the hotel was mostly silent, both of you conscious of waking the sleeping little girl in the back seat, instead you allowed the almost whispered lyrics of the song that played on the radio to distract you during the ride.

‘You’re my baby even when you leave me/Maybe I’m the one to blame/Maybe I’m the cause of the pain…’

There the universe went again, making irony its main priority in your life, as the lyrics related directly to the situation you found yourself in with the father of your child.

For a moment as you took the elevator up to the room, panic set in. You hadn’t discussed sleeping arrangements, you had not spoken about sharing a room and for a moment, you worried Lewis had arranged it just like that but thankfully, he had booked you both separate rooms, next to each other but separated by a wall so there were no late night weakened states finding each other once more; the last thing you needed in your bid to move on from him, was to find yourself back under him once more.

For the first time in as long as you could remember, you were able to sleep past 8am as your daughter hadn’t yet adjusted to the new timezone. You had barely opened your eyes and checked on the softly snoring little girl next to you when you heard the gentle tapping on your hotel room door.

“Sshh Bambi’s still asleep.”

Lewis walked past you, smelling sweetly of the run he had just come back from, his t-shirt and shorts an illuminating orange with patches of wet.

“Sorry I know it’s early, I’m just excited to have her here, to have you both here…”

You watched him hover in the middle of the room, contemplating his next move and you froze out of a mixture of fear that he would overstep the mark and hug you, and the overbearing hope that he would.

“I’m nervous, Lewis.”

You sat down on the end of your bed, careful to make yourself as light as possible to not wake up sleeping beauty, Lewis soon mirrored your actions too.

“Why? You’ve been to a paddock so many times, nothing has changed.”

The distance between both of your bodies was minimal, so close he was to you, you could feel the warmth radiate off of him as if it was tempting you in closer, a part of you wanted to be engulfed in it but you knew better than to cross that line now, there was far too much at stake.

“Everything has changed. I used to go there as your girlfriend, now I’m just there as any other person-“

His face screwed up in almost disgust at the words you were saying.

“You think you’re the same as everyone else there? You think that you’re even the same as when you were there as my girlfriend? You’re right, everything has changed, now you are so much more important, and when they see you, everyone will know.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re the mother of my child, you’re not just a girlfriend, you are there as a member of my family, the most important member of our little family.”

You didn’t have the words to respond to him, so instead you shared the softest of smiles that you let linger long enough for his reassurance.

“It’s not just that though, I hate everything I brought with me to wear.”

“I thought you might, you always did. I take it you haven’t looked in the closet yet then?”

“No, why? What is in there?”

“Just a little something I saw on a runway recently, I had it made and shipped over here especially for you…just in case.”

You moved so lightly on your feet as you made your way to find this dress. You held it out on its hanger, stunned to complete silence. It was beautiful, the softest colour to match your skin, the most beautiful material, it was perfect, but it wasn’t appropriate.

“It’s beautiful, Lewis…”

“I know.”

“But I can’t wear it. It’s too much, everyone will talk about us…I can’t wear it.”

There was so much to unpack behind your refusal to wear a dress he had had made specially for you, yet having a child gave him no chance to do that.

“Daddy!!”

Bambi jumped up from where she lay, wrapping her arms around him as if she hadn’t just seen him the night before.

“Good morning sleepy head, let’s get you ready…you’ve got a long day ahead of you.”

You didn’t move, instead you sat perfectly still as you watched him flip her around so he could carry her to the bathroom. You exchanged a smile before they disappeared into the room and it was then that you pondered how much fatherhood had changed him.

Lewis used to spend hours getting ready for any day of a race weekend, even one as insignificant as a Friday. His look was ever so important to him, and most of the time you could see why. Yet now that he had his daughter there, he spent that time with her instead, his own appearance a mere afterthought, something he would deal with later, once the very most important matter of his daughter feeling like a princess had been.

They were standing side by side at the mirror when there was a knock at the door, neither one of them looked away from fixing their braids. Lewis wore a pair of green pants with a white vest on top, and it was then that you knew that man was sent to earth purely to test your discipline.

You could withstand his company in most outfits, it wasn’t like you didn’t already know what was underneath, but there was something about a white vest that made it near on impossible to taper the yearn for him, the raw physical yearn that only being able to touch his body once more, would be able to cure.

You had managed to simmer the nervousness within you as you sat next to Lewis, who had insisted on driving you both to the track with him. It was as you pulled into your parking spot, and the engine went silent, suddenly the rush of emotions was almost overwhelming.

Accompanying him to track was always one of your most favourite things to do, it felt special, it allowed you to feel welcome in his world and be shown off as his woman in an environment where any one of the many people around would kill to be in your shoes.

Not today though, today would be completely different to what it had been before, today you would be with him as a guest and you knew it would be impossible to not allow the seeds of jealousy to blossom as you looked around the paddock, wondering who had taken your place in his life, even if only just for the night.

“Lewis, I don’t think I can do this…”

The words blurted out before you even had a chance to think of what you were saying, or the effect it would have on the man beside you who was brimming with excitement.

“Of course you can silly, you’ve done this before you know. Just take Bambi’s hand and walk with me the five minutes to the garage, you were always a natural at it.”

He was very aware you hadn’t dared look over to him once during his speech of reassurance, knowing better for it but doing so anyway, it made him reach out and grab your hand; his touch the lightest you had ever felt it, you wondered if he held all of his friends this way.

“You really don’t want to do it?”

You looked across to him and timidly shook your head, not because you were scared, more so you were afraid of upsetting him.

“Then you can walk with the rest of the team, I will walk through the paddock with Bambi so they are far too distracted to notice you.”

“Thank you, Lewis.”

Lewis was correct, as you walked along a few minutes behind where he and Bambi strolled hand in hand through the paddock, no one noticed you as they tripped over themselves to get the first picture of Lewis and his daughter arriving together.

You assumed you may feel better once you were settled in the Mercedes garage with your daughter sat by your side, staring at her dad talk to his engineers, kitted out in his race suit, the one you had stripped him of in the very same garage many times before, yet your anxieties twinged in the pit of your stomach.

Lewis always had a routine before he got in the car, even when it was only free practice, he would make sure to kiss you on each cheek, before placing a lingering one on your lips. He always said that if it was his last few moments, he wanted to spend them showing the people he loved just that.

As he approached where you both were sitting, you froze, was he really going to do that today? Surely not, surely he wouldn’t be bold enough to chance a kiss with the woman he had separated from so many years ago, in public.

Bambi was first to receive the kisses, one on each cheek before they did their nuzzling of noses. He didn’t skip a beat moving towards you, his soft beard brushed against your cheek as he placed one kiss on the left, moving quickly to the right before he paused his actions, staring at you as if asking for permission to do the one thing he hadn’t done for years; kiss you.

“Good luck out there, Lewis.”

Your uncertainty was evident in the way that your voice broke as you spoke, denying him access to complete his ritual in the kindest way possible.

A moment, a tension filled moment, as your eyes held the longest of gazes, his eyes being all you could see due to the helmet made it all the heavier with words, and actions, neither one of you dared to commit to.

Would you have let him kiss you on the lips like old times? Did he want to? A million and one questions raced through your mind, and as you watched him pull down his visor and enter the car, you held your breath and said a little prayer for his safety, as you always did.

Lewis didn’t have to say it, you could see it in the way the sparkle had left his eyes, in the way his smile never quite reached the crinkles that decorated them, he was hurt, he was frustrated, he was angry and you felt every bit of his emotions as if they were your own.

Bambi was quiet, she was excited after free practice one, convinced her daddy was winning as that was all she ever known and to her, Lewis was always in the lead. But after free practice two she sensed something was wrong, maybe it was the faces of the garage as they looked distraught, the anger radiating off of the team principal on a desk just to the right of you both, or maybe she was just so intune with her daddy’s emotions that she felt what you also felt, she felt Lewis’ sadness at the injustice of the car he had been dealt with and she was just as torn as you were with ways to fix him, even if only temporarily.

“Lewis…”

He had said his goodbyes to you both at your hotel room door, kissing you both on the cheek before turning away, as if the emotions of the day had bled into the night and now the goodbyes were more than he could bear.

As he turned back to look at you, you could see them, you could see the tears that pooled in his eyes, something you had only seen twice before, once as he held your daughter for the first time and once when you both agreed to separate.

“You can come in if you like?”

The first spark of happiness lit up inside of him and all at once his face shifted into one less filled with pain, the smallest of gestures meant so much to him when it came to you both, you felt responsible for his happiness tonight, it was the least you could do.

Few words were exchanged between you both, they didn’t need to be, all three of you propped yourselves up against the headboard as you let Disney movie after Disney movie play out until you decided to shower.

It was noticeable before you had even left the bathroom, the only sounds you could hear coming from your bedroom were the sounds of the movie playing out on the television. No longer the chattering, nor the fits of giggles that you had heard as you went in, silence from the voices that had soothed you most.

You made sure you were silent as you came out, already knowing what had happened, yet the scene that you were met with still flooded you with emotions much the same had it been a total surprise.

Curled up with their faces almost touching, as if they had fallen asleep mid nose rub, Lewis and your daughter were deep in what appeared to be the most contented sleep, each with an arm over the other as if they were scared the other wouldn’t be there when they woke.

There was an array of emotions running through you, guilt at the fact that your daughter was so very aware her dad couldn’t always be with her, softness at the tender scene, but the most prominent of all was the love, the pure, unadulterated love that you felt engulf you as you watched them.

It was a feeling that was impossible to describe, so much had happened between you and Lewis, so much joy, so much pain, so much unmatched heartbreak when it ended, yet never once had the feelings of love left your heart. It was as if the moment you fell for him, it stuck, glued to your soul for eternity, no matter what happened in between.

It was different now though, the love was no longer free, it now came with a hefty price tag of countless thoughts of what could have been, of what should have been if you had both been honest enough to let it, and when those thoughts hit, which they often did when you spent time with him, you knew it would take you so much longer to recover; the sadness grew stronger each time.

You could have chosen to take Bambi’s bed in the other room, you could have chosen to escape from the moment, but there wasn’t a single part of you that wanted to. You wanted to be with them, you wanted to be with your little family, as dysfunctional as it now was, it was still your little family and there was no way either you or Lewis could taint it whilst you slept.

Climbing into the bed, one that was perfectly big enough to fit the three of you, you tried to be as gentle as possible to not disturb them. You thought it had worked, as you nuzzled your head into the pillow to get comfortable and began to close your eyes, you thought you had managed to enter the scene without waking either of them, that was until you felt Lewis reach out to find your hand with his own.

It was the vibration of Lewis’ phone on the bedside cabinet that stirred you all out of your slumber, not one of you had woken before the other, all three of you had slept better than you had for a very long time and you knew that was no coincidence.

You felt him awaken, yet he hadn’t let go of your hand, not until he caught your eyes as they first opened and smiled at you. It was a smile of happiness sure, but more of relief at the olive branch you had given him by not immediately pulling your hand away; a semblance of hope after a day so short of it.

“Shit…sorry I mean shoot, I’m late.”

“Go, it’s fine. We will meet you at the track today, don’t stress, you’ve got this.”

As he threw on the t-shirt he had discarded sometime during the night he smiled at you once more.

“Thank you.”

You knew the thank you could be mistaken for a response to your words, but you knew deep down that the thank you was for last night, for the comfort you allowed him in a low point, a thank you for despite everything, still being the one he could turn to when he needed it most.

“I was hoping you would be wearing the dress today.”

Lewis was in such a better mood this morning, he whispered those words into your cheek as he greeted you both, and you couldn’t bear to respond.

You loved the dress, of course you did, how could you not? But the thought of wearing it, the thought of wearing it with the full knowledge that Lewis had it shipped over for you to wear with him at the paddock, for you to be pictured next to him in, still left you with the most uncomfortable of feelings.

Last night was a blip, a little slip up as you both navigated the co parenting waters whilst still nursing a phenomenal heartbreak, but what you couldn’t do was allow it to repeat itself, as much as you would have given anything for it to.

“Are you going to win today, Daddy?”

Bambi sat on his hip as he was dressed ready to get in the car, her fingers distracted by the way in which she could get his visor to flip up and down in a constant loop, truly testing his patience.

“Todays not the race, baby girl…”

Her face contorted in confusion, and finally her immaturity shone through, she wasn’t aware of her dad doing anything but racing so how could today not be a race?

Lewis read it too, and he knew that she was far too young to comprehend what everything meant in his world. How do you explain Qualifying to an almost baby? It was a race of sorts anyway.

“I will win, just for you Bambi, I will win. You better be ready to cheer me on with mummy.”

There it was, the twinge in your stomach for which you hadn’t yet found the right words to label it with. It happened every time he referred to you as his daughter's mummy. Of course you were, you had had three years to adjust to that fact, but there was something about hearing him refer to you in such a way that fluttered your stomach. You likened it to when he used to stake his claim on you, call you his girl; this was the co parenting equivalent and in a way, it was more certified than marriage.

The track was wet, it was exactly the kind of environment you knew Lewis enjoyed the most, yet wet races were always the ones you dreaded. You had known when you met Lewis that his job was dangerous, and when you agreed to be in a relationship with him it was something you had to bear, but even when you watched the races from home, and you always did, you couldn’t help but support him even in secret, your stomach churned with anxiety the whole time, especially the wet ones.

Bambi was glued to the television screen, the one playing the sky broadcast, you would have given anything to have her level of ignorance, to share in the now naive belief that her dad will always win, you were almost certain that as she saw the reds of the Ferrari cars, she saw the papayas, she looked past them, as if they were side characters in her dad's life, and up until this year, they were.

“Come on Lewis, you can do this.”

You whispered words of encouragement as you watched his onboard, knowing it was the final lap for him, and knowing how much a positive qualifying session would mean to him after yesterday.

“Come on Lewis! P4! Great pace! Puts us in a very good position for tomorrow mate.”

Lewis’ engineer shouted down the radio at him, and you were certain that even through the helmet, you could see his smile.

“Daddy you are so fast!”

His smile was already beaming, yet the words of praise from his daughter made it glow. He scooped her up in his arms, nuzzling their noses together in their kiss as he tapped the brim of her Purple Mercedes hat, the one that he had specially made for her size, the one she wore with pride as it had a 44 on the side.

“Well done, you did so well!”

As if all of your next movements were strictly from muscle memory, you wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek too, and for a moment you didn’t move, neither did he.

With the only arm he had free, your daughter occupying the other one, he held you against him until reality set in and you pulled away, deflating his happiness with distance between your bodies.

“I guess having my lucky charms with me really works.”

You sat in the Mercedes hospitality suite waiting for Lewis to finish for the evening, Bambi so overcome with excitement she was napping on your lap, you watched Lewis’ post race interviews and lapped up the smile that he just couldn’t shake, the smile you hadn’t seen for what felt like an eternity.

“So Lewis, we saw you have your daughter here at the track this weekend.”

“I do, having her here has been incredible, she loves racing, probably even more than me. Honestly, I just have to thank her mum for bringing her because clearly she was the luck that has been missing so far this year.”

“It’s adorable to watch you with her. Speaking of her mum, we saw you both looking cosy post Quali, are you off the market now?”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit.

Everyone had seen that little moment you shared, the world had seen you fall in to him as if it was something you did regularly, and now the world would speculate on your relationship for months to come. This was the last thing you needed, this was the last thing either of you needed, how could you move on from a relationship that no one could stop talking about?

Lewis didn’t answer the journalist, he seemed to be as stunned by the question as you were, instead he let it hang in the air as he processed a response before he walked away without giving one; the worst thing he could have done.

The smile had gone when he picked you both up, carrying Bambi in his arms as she slept against his chest as you walked to his car, it was silent. You knew why you were silent, you just didn’t know why he was.

“Lewis about what happened, about what they asked you-“

“You saw that? I’m sorry, I should have answered with something, I just…”

You waited for his sentence to finish, you held your breath with thoughts much like a plea for him to not say the words you could feel radiate off of him, you did not want to hear that he didn’t want to deny it, as much as you already knew that was what he was not saying.

“It’s fine. I’m just sorry that all your…women…might see it.”

Your words were intended as a joke, a little light hearted banter but by the look on Lewis’ face he was taking it as anything but. You wanted so desperately for the both of you to be in a place where you could joke with him about his dalliances, and from what you saw online, there were many of them, yet even now, even two years after you had separated, neither one of you was quite there yet.

The rest of the car journey was silent, the walk up to your room was too. Bambi hadn’t stirred from her sleep, and so Lewis carried her cradled in his arms until he could lay her down in her bed, still wearing her Mercedes merch, head to toe.

“What I said…about the women…it was a joke, you know?”

You greeted him with your anxious thoughts the moment he reappeared from settling your daughter. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife as neither one of you knew where to stand, nor where to sit, in the space only yesterday you had both fallen asleep holding hands in.

“I know…it’s just, well…I hate that you know about them.”

“I mean, it would be hard for me to not, you’re everywhere.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

Lewis sat down on the end of your bed as if the thoughts that plagued him made him more tired than any amount of racing ever could. You didn’t follow his lead, instead you hovered in the space you greeted him in, your hands playing with each other to really express how uncomfortable you felt.

“That you’re everywhere? I’m used to it. I mean, it would be nice to not see your face everytime I open Instagram but then again, I see your face everytime Bambi is in the room anyway so I guess that’s my own doing.”

“That wasn’t what I meant. How does it make you feel seeing me with those women?”

“Lewis, let’s not do this now…it’s been a good day, let’s not ruin it.”

“Sit, please. We should talk about last night.”

You sat beside him on the bed, conscious of leaving enough space that you could make a run for it the second you needed to.

“There’s nothing to talk about last night, it was a moment of weakness, that’s all.”

“So it wasn’t the best night's sleep you’ve had for a long time? It certainly was for me. I know you feel something, you didn’t pull away from me because you feel something. What happened at the track today, that moment, I know you felt it too.”

“Lewis, please…”

His hand reached out to yours, despite you holding them in a tight grip at your thighs, he wanted to feel your skin against his, he wanted to comfort your anxious thoughts with the reminder of how warm he was.

“Why are you still, after all this time, so determined to fight what we both feel?”

“Because I have to, Lewis. This isn’t about us anymore, we can’t selfishly flit in and out of our relationship, Bambi’s older now, she understands so much and all she has ever really known is us apart. I won’t give her the false hope of our family, to then rip it from her the moment this doesn’t work again a few months down the line.”

“Look at this…”

Lewis held out his left arm, displaying the portrait that he had tattooed on what was once his bare skin. A woman who resembled you, cradling a baby in his arms, underneath read the words ‘Where there is family, there is love.’

“I had this tattooed after we split for a reason, and you know that. She is you, the baby is our daughter and both of you shall forever sit on my skin because you are my family. Distance, relationship status, all of it doesn’t matter, you are family, we are a family, and I need everyone to know that when they see me, they see my family…they see you.”

It was a small gesture, but it meant the world to him when you allowed the hand he was resting his on uncomfortably, to unwind from the tight grasp at your thigh, allowing him to hold it properly, just as he had last night.

“I hate it.”

“What?”

Lewis’ voice broke with upset as you reacted to what he thought was his speech, you felt it in the way that his fingers tensed around yours.

“The answer to your question, when you asked how I felt seeing you with those women, the answer is I hate it. I hate that they know you, I hate that they know your body, I hate how they have moments of your precious free time, I hate that it’s not me.”

It would be impossible to tell who leant in first for the kiss that joined your lips together like they had never once been separated, but as Lewis climbed on top of you, as he laid you back on the bed, it was also impossible to tell which one of you needed to feel the other more as your hands brushed across each others skin with so much longing behind their movements.

The pining for you, the absence of any physical contact, made all of the kisses he trailed down your neck, your collarbone and over your chest urgent. He couldn’t waste a second of his permission to taste you, and it was his moan, his satisfied, deep moan, as he placed a kiss on the very place that radiated heat for him, that was the loudest, suffocating your own moan of a relief you hadn’t felt for years, in the air.

“I missed you so fucking much.”

Lewis allowed his words to escape in between laps at your core, his tongue drenched in your taste, his beard the same too. He wanted to be covered in your excitement, soaked in your scent, if it was down to him, he would spend hours in between your thighs, and quite often in the past, he had.

“Mummy…Mummy…Where are you?”

Bambi’s voice reigned down on the scene that played out in the next room to hers, breaking you both out of the lust filled spell with the sharpest of reminders that no longer were you adults with not a care in the world but each other, now you were adults with a lust that had to be tapered until your responsibilities were dealt with.

Lewis reluctantly pulled himself away from your body, allowing you room to get up and fix your dress back down your body like nothing at all had occurred, that was until you looked at Lewis as he drew his fingers across his beard, catching the part of you he was left with now you were separated; your pleasure.

“You better go, if she sees you she will never go back to sleep.”

He knew you were right, yet he couldn’t hide his disappointment at having to leave you as he climbed out of bed and followed you to the door. There was a moment as you both stood in silence in the uncertainty your actions had filled the air with, despite having been between your thighs only seconds ago, Lewis was unsure as to whether a kiss goodbye on your lips would be welcomed, and so he settled for the safety of your right cheek.

“Sweet dreams, babe.”

“You too, Lewis.”

You settled Bambi back to sleep with relative ease as you retold some of her favourite stories to soothe her night terrors, stories of races you had been to with her dad, stories of his incredible talent, his perseverance and stories of how even when everything went against him, he fought through it all to win.

Your little girl didn’t know it yet, she was far too young, but she was probably one of the luckiest children in the world because of who her father was. Sure, his many millions allowed her a life of privilege that neither one of you had been afforded in your childhood, but what made her particularly lucky, was the person she was first given as an example of a human.

Lewis was an inspiration to many, admired by lots, yet your daughter was being raised by him, shown how to be the very best a human could be, and there was nothing in this world you were more certain of than the fact that she would grow up to follow in his footsteps, to be kind, to be gracious, to really give her everything at all times, but most importantly, to love hard and openly, in the face of a world filled with hate.

Your phone screen lit up as you climbed into your own bed, the morning fast approaching and you were certain you wouldn’t have enough sleep to properly function tomorrow, it was Lewis.

‘Where there is family, there is love…❤️’

Such a simple saying, but it warmed your insides all the same. You didn’t reply, he wasn’t expecting you to, instead you placed your phone on the pillow beside you, just how you always did when he was away at races and you were home without him, it allowed you to feel that even when he wasn’t there with you, he was never that far away.

It was quite the routine the three of you had now found yourselves in by the third day. Lewis would help Bambi get ready, the previous two days she had been decked out in as much merch as possible, but not race day, race day Lewis had something special planned, especially as it also coincided with Fathers Day.

He had been waiting for this opportunity from the moment Bambi was born, the perfect moment to match her outfit with his, and his denim dungarees of sorts had given him that chance.

They looked quite the picture, and they photographed beautifully too, you took so many candids of them as she sat between his legs whilst he placed her beautiful braids into two space buns, you could see the cogs turning in his head, wondering if he had enough time to ask his stylist to do his to match too.

“Sweetie, you should probably get dressed now, we have to leave real soon.”

Lewis had forgotten your name the moment you had allowed yourselves to find each other again, that was evident by his continual use of pet names when referring to you. If he had done so a few days ago you would have recoiled in horror, but you bathed in them, you granted their permission to exist, you allowed yourself to not fret about the future, to ignore your worries, and just let today be today, tomorrow would be there whether you worried about it or not.

“Wow…”

Lewis was rarely ever lost for words but as you stepped out of the bathroom, wearing the dress he had chosen, had made and shipped over to Canada just for you, there wasn’t a language in the world that he could find that would make sense for how he felt looking at you.

“You look…wow…”

“Mummy, you look beautiful!”

Bambi found the words her dad couldn’t, as they both stared up at you from where they were sat, their matching beautiful brown eyes filled with a look of love, you felt it, you felt beautiful for the first time in forever, and it was then that you were reminded what it felt like to be the object of Lewis’ desires.

“Thank you, both of you. Lewis you picked so well, I just wish I had a necklace or something to finish it off.”

“Here…”

As he stood up to meet you, he unclasped one of his own necklaces and drew it around you, his fingers laying the single pearl that hung at the end of it on the base of your neck as you both stared at your reflections in the mirror.

You felt the heat radiating off of him, his fingers shook ever so slightly with nerves at his closeness to you once more, and just before he broke away from you, he placed a single kiss on your shoulder, one that lingered for longer than it probably should have.

Your eyes were drawn to your daughters and immediately regret hit your body as you really saw her expression. Bambi’s eyes were wide with astonishment as she read the moment between her parents with more maturity than any three year old should have been capable of. She saw the love, she saw the tenderness and the regret at her witnessing it made you sick to your stomach, so much so you pulled away from him at once.

Only a parent knows what it feels like to be devastated with emotions, torn apart from the inside out with anxieties, yet suffocate them completely with the need to act like you were on cloud nine, like happiness was all you felt, all in aid of the benefit of your daughter’s own smile.

You played the part so well, there wasn’t another person in the vicinity that would know how you truly felt as you held one of Bambi’s hands, Lewis held the other, the three of you walking through the paddock together for the first time ever. All three of you portrayed an image of happiness, of togetherness, yet only one of you was being honest with their feelings; Lewis had never been less certain of your feelings after the way in which you pulled away from his lips and you had your own reasons to mask behind your smiles for the cameras.

As Lewis completed his ritual of kissing you both, Bambi took out the handmade card from behind her back, having hidden it like an expert the whole time.

“Happy Fathers Day, Daddy!”

“Thank you, baby girl. Did you make this?”

“She did. Sorry, if I had more time to prepare I would have bought you a gift too…”

Lewis took in the card he held, Bambi had drawn him pictures, the front being the most telling of her love; the three of you holding hands. You had left him a little note inside too, you felt it was the least you could do.

‘Lewis, there aren’t many ways I can thank you for being such an amazing father to our daughter, but I want you to know that she is, and I am, so very lucky to have you in our lives. Thank you for being you x’

“This is better than any gift, thank you both.”

He repeated his ritual of kisses before he headed to the car, placing the handmade card propped up against the wall beside it, so it was the last thing he saw before he set off.

The race played out rather perfectly for Lewis, and for your daughter too, you felt so very lucky that the first race she got to witness in person was one in which her dad had finished on the podium, that didn’t happen often this year.

As she sat on your hip, the both of you standing at the back behind the Mercedes team, staring up at Lewis on the podium, she literally squealed with excitement as her dad walked to the front of the podium, holding up his trophy as he pointed directly at her. The trophy was for her, and you knew it; she was his lucky charm, after all.

It didn’t matter that he hadn’t won, normally he would have been disappointed with a P3 finish, but not today, not this year and not when he had his daughter there to witness it all happen. P3 felt as good as a win, and that combined with the events of the previous night, had made him the happiest man in the whole paddock.

“Shoot, I am so happy.”

Lewis hugged you both at the same time, swamping you both in his happiness that hadn’t seemed to lessen from the moment he stepped out of the car, and even now after the media duties were complete, it quite literally radiated off of him. You giggled at him finally remembering to not swear in front of your daughter, he so often forgot.

“You are incredible, Lewis, so so incredible. Bambi has had the best weekend, thank you.”

“Are you kidding? I have had the best weekend having her here with me, having you here too.”

You felt the intimacy of the way in which he kept his arm wrapped around your waist as he walked you both to the car, Bambi now planted firmly on his hip, her own arms wrapped around his neck as she rested her exhausted head on his shoulder.

You knew it was wrong, you knew you should pull away, the last thing you wanted to do was give him any false hope and after this morning, after what your daughter had been privy to, you knew the moment you got back to the hotel room, and she was put to bed, you would have to have the most difficult of conversations with him.

For now though, whilst you were all still within the vicinity of the race track, you allowed yourself to remember what it felt like to walk through the paddock, all eyes on you, feeling like the most powerful woman in the world, accompanied by the most powerful of men. It was rare, but sometimes you allowed yourself to be a little selfish with your feelings.

It was sweet, the way that both you and Lewis, although never having discussed it, told the same bedtime stories to Bambi, stories of his wins, but through completely different perspectives; you always made him seem like a hero, he always downplayed his achievements, you wondered which side she believed more.

“She’s finally asleep…look at this picture I took, she looks so cute, doesn’t she?”

Lewis gushed over his phone screen as he held it up for you, your heart tugged with guilt. In this very moment he was content with happiness, certain he knew that things were back on track with you both, yet you knew that in a minute you would be shattering it all, breaking his heart once again.

“She does.”

He saw his opportunity and took it, as you leaned in closer to him to look at the picture, he brushed his fingers over your cheek before he moved in with a kiss. You let him, it was impossible to not, the moment his lips met yours it was as if he hypnotised you into a trance with how serene you felt.

You would have stood in that position for hours, just kissing him. It wasn’t until he began to move you towards the bed that you were jolted back down to earth with the hardest of thuds; heartbreak.

“Lewis, wait…we should talk.”

“I thought we did yesterday? I thought we agreed to try again?”

Taking the exact same spot as you had done only 24 hours ago, you both sat on the end of the bed. Your deep breath was noticeable, it made Lewis panic.

“That’s the problem, Lewis. We agreed nothing, we got so lost in the physical-”

“I’m not going to apologise for never being able to resist you. I am so attracted to you that it hurts, going to sleep with the taste of you on my tongue last night was perfect, I-”

“Stop, please…just stop. Let me finish what I was going to say, it’s important, you need to hear it.”

Lewis wore the most stern of frowns now, a mixture of worry over what you were about to say and disappointment at not being able to finish telling you all of the ways he loved your body.

“This morning, when you placed the necklace on me I saw Bambi watching us. I saw the optimism in her eyes, I saw the hope, I saw emotions and thoughts that she is far too young to understand yet I saw them in her. We can’t do this, we can’t give her a false sense of hope for a family she has never experienced and then take it away from her when it doesn’t work a few months down the line.”

“Why are you so adamant we won’t work? Why are you so sure we will fail?”

“There’s no guarantee we will work, and that is enough for me to not even try if I can avoid our daughter's heartbreak. We literally became a family from a one night stand, we were never meant to be, there was no romantic back story to us, just a wild night of passion that resulted in us having to spend the rest of our lives trying to navigate as parents to a daughter who deserves better.”

“You know this whole ‘never meant to be because we just fucked’ thing is stupid right? So because we didn’t spend a few weeks going on dates, getting to know each other, because we didn’t get married and plan our daughter, that means everything that happened didn’t play out exactly how it was supposed to?”

“That doesn’t matter, Lewis, what-”

“It is exactly what does matter, sweetie. You have this ideology in your head that everything should be how it is in the movies, or in books, you always have done but it is blinding you, it is blinding you to what is right in front of you, begging you see it.”

Lewis took your hands once more, this time you tried to pull away but he didn’t let you, he didn’t let you blind yourself to him, he wanted you to see him, to see all of him, and to feel everything he was trying to make you feel.

“The truth is, none of what has happened over the past four years would be how either one of us planned it, had we had the chance. But I also know that as unconventional as those years have been, they have also provided me some of the best years of my life.”

His thumbs stroked across the tops of your hands, lulling you, providing you comfort in one of the most intense moments of your life.

“You’re right when you say that there are no guarantees that we will work, there isn’t, but what I can guarantee, the thing I can be absolutely certain of, that my promise to you when we first found out you were expecting, the promise of always being there for you and our daughter, always putting you both first, always making sure to protect you, still stands strong today.”

“In an ideal world, in a world in which we didn’t have to consider the feelings of anyone else, I would agree with you, Lewis. But we can’t be so reckless, we have to be so careful with everything we do, we can’t just try and hope for the best, for Bambi’s sake.”

The sigh he let out was loud, frustrated at the fact that none of the words he spilled from the bottom of his heart, was even penetrating the first layer of yours.

“The little girl in the next room is exactly the reason we need to try. I love you, I have always loved you and I think our daughter deserves to see her mummy be showered with love by a man who adores her, don’t you think?”

Silence, your favourite kind of response when you knew you couldn’t disagree with a point he had made.

“Tell me I’m wrong, tell me that every single part of you is not screaming out for you to give me a chance, tell me you don’t love me too…”

Lewis knew the answers already, he could tell by the way that even with your eyes closed, your faces almost touching, you loved him, your lips desperately seeking his through sense alone, told him so.

“I…I…of course I love you, of course I love you Lewis. I’ve always loved you, always…I just…I’m scared…so scared…”

Your eyes stayed tightly shut as if you were scared to look at him mid confession, your words spoke into his lips as he teased you with almost kisses, but he didn’t stop you from talking, he didn’t halt your train of thought.

“I won’t hurt you, I promise. Let me protect you, let me love you, let us finally be a family…”

Lewis didn’t stop his chants of promises of all the ways he vowed to make you happy as he laid you back on the bed, an almost identical movement to the previous night as he fought ferociously to go down on you.

This time, as his lips sucked your clit in between them, it was your moan that was the loudest, it was built from two years of longing to feel his mouth again, two years of longing to have him, and that moan, the very first moan, was two years worth of tension escaping your body.

“I need you, Lewis…”

Your words hung in the air as he tussled with his constant urge to taste you, and his desire to be buried deep inside of you, never quite taking his tongue off of your clit until he had decided to give into what you also needed.

He moved up your body, your fingers encouraging him as you held onto his arms to get him to where you wanted him faster, he met you once again with a kiss. The very second you realised he was stripping you, you stopped him, tense from anxiety of him seeing your body in all of its glory.

Lewis felt it and he knew why, despite you not even saying a word, he knew what had caused your tension and he knew exactly how to settle it.

With every layer of material that he removed, he replaced it with the sweetest, most tender of kisses, until he had you completely bare underneath him, his eyes unable to take in enough of you to satisfy his gaze that ran all over your skin.

“Don’t ever think you need to hide your body from me, I love it, it gave me our daughter after all.”

Lewis lay down on top of you, taking his time to ensure you felt all of the love that he so desperately wanted to radiate out of him as he danced with your tongue.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yes, I love you too.”

“You know I didn’t invite you here just for this, right?”

“Lewis please, enough talking just fuck me.”

He giggled right up until the second he entered you, as he felt your warmth engulf him, he found it impossible to do anything but groan, watching your lips contort into a gasp that seemed to go on forever.

Lewis fucked you like it was the first time all over again, every stroke was driven with the full strength of his love for you, every thrust was heavy with the weight of his need to please you; there was nothing at all selfish about the way in which Lewis made love to you that night.

“I’m so close…”

“I can feel it, sweetie…when it hits, don’t scream, bite down on my shoulder.”

“But I don’t…oh fuck…”

Lewis had no time for your protest at not wanting to hurt him, all it took was one more carefully placed stroke to make you fall completely apart under him. He was right, his shoulder was the best thing to sink your teeth into when he was making sure you had no choice left but to scream.

It was as if the sting of your bite on his skin had made him orgasm too, within an instant he had met your undoing with his own as he filled you up to the brim; reminding you exactly of your first time with him, ironically.

“Does it hurt?”

You were laid on his chest, your finger stroking the marking you had given him in the heat of the moment, as he stroked your back with his own, the two of you comfortable in silence for the very first time in such a long while.

“A little but I like it.”

“I could tell you liked it…”

“Shut up, I meant because it will remind me of you when I am next away.”

Lewis hadn’t meant to remind you of his pending absence, but nevertheless he had and all at once you remembered what it felt like to be in a relationship with him. All moments together had a dark cloud of absence looming over them like an expiry date for your happiness, and he felt it too.

“You know you can come with me to Silverstone too, if you want?”

You raised yourself up on his chest, he met you with such a warm smile you couldn’t help but lean in and nuzzle your nose against his. What Bambi didn’t know was that whilst that is now her and her daddy’s ‘thing’, originally it was yours.

“We’ll see. I guess we have a lot of talking to do, plans to make for the future if we’re really going to try…”

“Yes, we do. But not tonight, tonight let me just enjoy having you all to myself again please. The future can wait until tomorrow-”

Lewis grabbed your waist, pulling you on top of him where his hands took place at your hips. You both hadn’t a stitch of clothing on, all it would take would be one little slide at the right angle and he would be inside of you once more.

“Daddy…are you still here?”

Bambi’s voice tore through the moment and the both of you groaned with light frustration, you had never had to get used to interruptions, this amongst many things would be a learning curve for the both of you.

“The future might be able to wait until tomorrow, but she definitely won’t…you better go to her.”

Lewis threw on his shorts, not caring that they were both the wrong way round and inside out, as he left the room to tend to his daughter's needs, he turned back to you at the doorway.

“Don’t fall asleep, I’m not quite done with you yet.”

You let out a childish giggle, Lewis often made you feel like a teenager so madly in love with the most popular boy in high school, it was nice to see he still had that effect.

“I’ll try not to, now go tell Bambi a story, tell her about Silverstone 2019…prepare her for when we join you there this year.”

Lewis’ eyes lit up before he ran back over to the bed, just to kiss you with the weight of a lifetime of thanks behind it.

“Daddy!”

“Go…I will stay up, I promise.”

“You better.”

PART TWO

[totallyxtrapped]

now we’re totally bonded for life!

[whiteteethteens]

feels like you could die in the city lights...

[wren-was-here]

jack mocking owen for wanting to die is so funny given what jack did like TWO EPISODES EARLIER

*calls owen pathetic for ideating*

*kills himself*

owen lowkey had a right to kill him atp like