#my wife will be 30. and then ill be 29 this year and then 30 next year

[somethingsomethingcomic]

aged like wine

bonus:

[honeyveebeevee]

GAZA CAMPAIGNS

These are a few families that have reached out to me, I will be editing as I receive more

______________________________________________________________

Shaima is a mother of four children, Abdul Rahim, Walid, Majdi, and baby Amal. Her children have been unable to attend school because of the ongoing genocide in Gaza, as well as the disappearance of her husband. @gazavetters is verified, and her verified number in the list is (#55). Please share her campaign as well as donate if you can. For more information please click the two links.

$10,050 raised out of $30K

@familgazaamal1

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@nisreen-suhail and her family are a family of eight, Islam (30) years old, Hashem (31), Samer (29), Mohammad (35), Nisreen (37), Noor (36), Amal (12), Kenzy (17), Zoheer (19). Nisreen's brother, Samer suffers from bipolar disorder, and they only need 60 euros to buy his essential medication. Nisreen's and her family's campaign have been verified by @dlxxv-vetted-donations & @a-shade-of-blue @gazavetters number in the list is ( #75 ), and paliliberation number in the list is ( #171 )

€24,776 raised out of €50K

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Mosab Elderawi and his family has lost 25 family members, Mosab Elderawi is 28 years old, and his wife Nadine Adel Al telbani is 21 years old, their daughter was born during the ongoing genocide going on in Gaza, she is five months old, her name is Amani, which means wishes.

€2,169 raised out of €20K

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@yasminfamilysblog previous vetted campaign was deleted by GoFundMe. As of 04:44 GMT on 21 December, Yasmin is 21 years old and is struggling to support her parents and 5 siblings, her father suffers from a chronic illness and a heart condition. Her previous campaign was vetted by @el-shab-hussein #346

$945 raised out of $10K

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Alaa Ashour is a doctoral student in Gaza, her mother’s health condition worsened, and now she is in a wheelchair, needing surgery and evacuation from Gaza, and her father is in his seventies. They must pay $5000 per person in order to leave Gaza. Vetted by @gazavetters, and the number verified on the list is ( #353)

$22,755 CAD raised out of $50K

@alaafamily11

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Mona Ramadan and her family consist of 5 people contains 3 children under 14 years old, now they now live in a tent after losing their home. Vetted by @gazavetters, the number verified on the list is ( #253 )

€1,395 raised out of €50K

@manouche-231

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Ahmed AlSaidi is currently living in Gaza with his wife, 3 children, his elderly parents and his brothers with their families, all his family is still in Gaza. His brothers are Osama, Moatasim, and Mohammed. Ahmed's family includes three children, Qusay, Lyan, and Ayda. Osama's family also has three children, Yahya, Sewar, and Yamen. Moatasim’s family consists of two children, Maria and Aysha. Mohammed is 22 years old. Ahmed father has undergone heart catheterization due to blocked arteries and got food poisoning, while his mother suffers from high blood pressure and heart problems. Qusay, who is four years old, who recently had a difficult throat operation, needs ongoing healthcare and speech therapy. His condition has left him struggling with speech difficulties, and he requires urgent speech therapy.

Vetted by @moayesh and confirmed by @a-shade-of-blue

And also vetted by @bilal_salah0 and shared by @90-ghost https://www.tumblr.com/90-ghost/763413113557090304?source=share

£3,587 raised out of £30K 

@savealsaidifamily

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TAG LIST (DM me for removal)

@gazafundraisers @dlxxv-vetted-donations @gaza-evacuation-funds @loveandleases @gloomcat-mess @palestinegenocide @gazagfmboost @palestine-info-uncensored @northgazaupdates2 @gazafunds @gazareshare @ashwantsafreepalestine @northern-passage @willowcrowned @akaratna @heydreamchild @salam-and-sadaqah @stil-lindigo @fifthnormani @gottastim

I will be adding more tags as I continue adding more Campaigns

[a-shade-of-blue]

Masterlist of Fundraisers from the Palestinians who directly contacted me (1-4 October)

4 October

Tareq Ayyad (@tareqayyad): Tareq and his family have been displaced. He wishes to evacuate all 13 family members, this includes himself, his wife Ayaa and their 2 children: Alaa (5) and Rose (3), his mother, his sister, his brothers and their families (including two children ages 5 and 2). (https://www.gofundme.com/f/f6hzgp-help-my-family-escape-death-in-gaza) (Family #95 on PaliLiberation vetted list!)

Mohammed Iwais (@mohdiwais): Mohammed is 30 years old and have 9 brothers who are all married with children of their own.10 family members have been killed in this genocide. They wish to evacuate out of Gaza to rebuild their lives. (https://gofund.me/ff9fb283) (shared by 90-ghost)

Alhaw family and the Albittar family (@emanhoussin): Eman Al-haw is the mother of 3 kids: Toto (15), Taim (10) and Tia (4). Their house has been destroyed and they are displaced. Her sisters Sarah (21) and Banan(17) were supposed to graduate from college and high school this year, but couldn’t due to the war. This campaign raises funds to evacuate Eman’s family (her husband and 3 kids), as well as Eman’s parents, 2 sisters and her brother. (https://gofund.me/f7d33fb0) (vetted by el-shab-hussein and #12 on the vetted fundraiser list created by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi)

Rewaa Omari (@rakangaza): Rewaa have 4 children, including a baby she gave birth to during the war and has been sick since. Her four-year-old son also because seriously ill, but there is no medication available. (https://gofund.me/306843db) (vetted by @/gaza-evacuation-funds)

@maximumtravelerwizard: This is the campaign of Sahar (@a-ss-123, @soperfectionbasement, @strangekittengalaxy)'s brother Faisal, who is fundraising to provide basic necessities to the children and displaced people in Gaza. Sahar's brother Mohammed has a water truck and he needs the money to fill it with clean water so he can distribute it to the displaced people. They also wish to buy blankets and cover for people to shield them from the coming winter. Sahar is vetted by association (Sahar is a relative of Walaa's family (@burningnightgiver, @shadowyenthusiastdream), see post here and here for more details). (https://gofund.me/24cebf67) (£30 raised of £150,000 goal)

3 October

Anas Al Burri (@anasfamilys): Anas is 17 years old and has beenstruggling with Type 1 diabetes and high blood pressure for 11 years. He needs medication which are not available in Gaza. His sister contacted jaundice due to giving birth to a baby during the war in a bad environment. They have lost lost 50 family members, including his brother, his grandparents, and all their children. His 14-year-old brother Ahmed was shot by snipers while searchign for food. Only Anas, his parents, his five-year-old brother, his eight-year-old sister, and his two married sisters remain alive. They wish to leave Gaza. (https://gofund.me/3e3bdcd1) (#29 on @/gazavetters vetted list, #867 on the Butterfly Effect Project vetted fundraiser list, #Family 25 on PaliLiberation vetted campaigns) (€3,028 raised of €50,000 goal)

Mai (@maioshsblog): Mai’s mother health is very poor because she just had a heart device implanted before the war, and they have difficulty finding the medication she needs. Her brother suffered a severe injury to his hand and had to get 80 stitches. He requires medication and further surgery. They are struggling to buy even food and other basic necessities. (https://gofund.me/b86130e6, https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/maiabuhamda) (vetted by 90-ghost) ($218 USD raised of $40,000 goal)

Mona Al-Yazji & Youssef Alaa Al-Yazji (@monayazji, @yousefalyazjii1): Mona (20) and Youssef (27) have a one-year-old son named Alaa. Mona has lost lost her father and brother, who were shot by a tank while they were fleeing. She has also lost her sister. They are now living in a tent in Deir Al-Balah. Alaa is suffering from skin infectiosn while Mona is suffering from a lung infection. (https://gofund.me/5d4cf023) (#87 on @/gazavetters vetted list) (kr6,171 SEK raised of kr200,000 goal)

Saeed & Nirmeen Adel (@nirmeen-abdelal77, @nirmeenabed): Saeed is 24 years old and from a family of 6. Their house has been destroyed and they have lost friends and relatives. HIs father has broken his pelvis and requires surgery. They struggle to buy food and water. (https://gofund.me/8bc373e7) (shared by 90-ghost, #18 on @/gazavetters vetted list) (£255 raised of £20,000 goal)

2 October

Alaa Khaled & Nona (@nona0): Alaa has 3 children. She lost her husband before the war, and she now lives with her elderly mother, four brothers, and her 11-year-old nephew Khaled. Her mother suffers from severe respiratory issues. Her brother has a 5-month-old baby girl. (https://gofund.me/a15eabd5) (vetted by association. They are relatives of @save-amal-family (vetted by 90-ghost, #475 on the Butterfly Effect Project verified fundraiser list)) (€249 raised of €20,000 goal)

Ghada Al-Madhoun (@ghadahalmadhoun): Ghada’s husband has been killed, and her house has been destroyed by the bombing. Now she and her daughter Reem are living in a makeshift tent in North Gaza. They wish to evacuate out of Gaza. (https://gofund.me/701395ba) (#105 on @/gazavetters vetted list)

Amjad Almoghrabi (@amjad20011): Amjad and Rasmia have a 2-and-a-half-year-old son Ahmed. They are trying to evacuate out of Gaza. (https://gofund.me/2321be3a) (#86 on vetted fundraiser list by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi, shared by el-shab-hussein)

Salman Hellis (@salman-1987a,@salman-1990, salman-90): Salman’s house has been bombed and they are now displaced in Deir al-Balah. (https://gofund.me/334f49ee) (vetted by 90-ghost) (€2,549 raised of €50,000 goal)

1 October

Mohamed Matar (@mohammedmatar392, @beardedcandyhideout, mohammedmatat): Mohamed is 23 years old. His litter brother and sister are injured. His brother’s injury is very serious and requires surgery, which is not available. He is fundraising to buy food and medicine for his family. (https://gofund.me/d733ee56) (vetted by @/gaza-evacuation-funds)

Waleed Ayman Alanqar (@waleedalanqar): Waleed (27) is an electrical engineer. He and his wife Areej (23) have a 3-year-old son Ayman. They have been displaced and are trying to evacuate out of Gaza.  (https://gofund.me/35ad35bc) (#107 on @/gazavetters vetted list) (€218 raised of €20,000 goal)

Heba Matar (@hebamatarsblog, @hebamat, @hebam1992): Heba has 3 young children. Her children are suffering from skin diseases. Her husband works in Kuwait and she is trying to evacuate and reunite she and her children with her husband. (https://gofund.me/3f9d9d3b) (vetted by association. Heba is the sister of @ahmedmatatsblog (#33 on @/gazavetters vetted fundraisers list)) ($1,620 CAD raised of $30,000 goal)

Nasser Shoshaa (@nassermohamd): Nasser is a doctor and used to work in a dental clinic. He is now displaced with his family and living in a tent. (https://www.paypal.com/donate?campaign_id=N6QAVMRYGVBJW, they used to have a gfm but they seem to have problems with it) (vetted by nabulsi, #153 on vetted fundraiser list by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi)

Click here for my Google Doc with my complete masterlist of all the Palestinian gfm asks I've received, updated daily (along with other verified ways to send aid to Gaza).

How are gfm campaigns vetted?  See here, here, here and here.

See post here for other verified ways to send aid to Gaza.

Don't forget your Daily Clicks on Arab.org, it's free!!! and Every click made is registered in their system and generates donation from sponsors/advertisers.

See links below for my Masterlists of Vetted Fundraisers from the Palestinians who sent me asks for if you want to help more people! As well as resources for palestinian students if you are a palestinian student!

Masterlists of Vetted Fundraisers

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 13 - 25 July.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 26 -29 July.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 30 July - 1 August.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 2 - 5 August.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 6 - 10 August.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 11 - 14 August.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 15 - 18 August

Click here for my Masterlist for fundrasiers from 19 - 21 August

Click here for my Masterlist for fundrasiers from 22 - 24 August

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 25 - 28 August

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 29 August - 1 September

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 2 - 5 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 6-10 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 11-14 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 15-18 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 19-22 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 23-26 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 27-30 September.

Resources for Palestinian Students!

Initiatives and resources to support Palestinian students, academics and universities:

This is a list of initiatives and resources for Gazan students seeking to complete their studies, including initiatives, resources, training and scholarships. See list here.

Scholarships for Displaced Palestinian students:

Putting this here for the palestininans who follow me: If you are a displaced Palestinian student looking to fund your education, this document lists the scholarships available around the world for displaced Palestinian students.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Just properly finished Light on the Darkside. My last edit done. The final chapter (which I added in after originally ending on chapter 29, we now go to chapter 30 + epilogue) done.

I feel so accomplished, but so sad to let go of James and Ella. Writing them over a period of 27 years was a lovely exercise, taking them from mentally broken young adults to a husband and wife with three children of their own was just lovely. It's going to be tough not to have them to come back to and create for. I have loved every second of detailing their lives, their highs and lows, the family they both created and chose, too.

Excuse me, off to have a little sob. Haha!

@zablife @spaghettificationandpretzels @nerdyreaderpapi @ihatethinkingofnames10 you four have been a wonderful audience and I thank you endlessly for your readership! <3

And if anyone out there fancies reading it but hasn't, the masterlist is here. It begins quite bleakly, but soon swells into a rich love story of strength and determination for two young people suffering from mental illness to succeed in their recovery and subsequent relationship, plus the entire beautiful life they build for themselves :)

[morganpdf]

U kno what. Go ham and answer all (or as many of the questions as you want/are relevant) for uhhhhhh Robin and/or Fig (idr if Fig is your OC or Justice’s OC so I’ll leave it up to you)

damb!!!!!!!!!! an excuse to talk too much about robin lets go!!!!!!! (fig is @saltylenpai's and he's not feeling 2 well so i dont wanna bombard him w messages rn dsfds but if i know something for them ill answer it)

also warning for ~mature themes~ or w/e bc this is about robin and she fucks. sorry (nothing graphic just the acknowledgement that she does)

also just for clarity's sake, when i say 'connect 4' thats just the name juice & i use for august/piper/robin/felix bc thats easier than naming them one by one dsfds. on w the show

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

god ngl i can't really, remember, justice might have named her?? like. that's the most likely scenario :sob: he's named so many of my ocs when we were doing back-and-forths trying to figure out the vibes of guys. robin was fun tho bc she didnt have a name when i first posted her bc i really liked her design and wanted to post it despite not having. u know. a name for her yet. also just checked her og post and it has 69 notes. its what she would want

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

when i first made her, robin was 25! now its sort of just a nebulous mid-to-late 20s depending on when art of her takes place tbh! i'd say she's 24/5-ish around the start of that story (so, like, when she finally breaks it off 100% w zoey [her shitty ex that she started dating in highschool], piper moves in w her, potential one night stand w felix, etc etc). maybe a little younger but also not by much. by the time she's got shit more figured out (ie felix has moved in, she & piper have started dating, getting help for her various neuroses etc) would be like 28-29, probs in her 30s by the time they ALL move in together imo. i could be off w that tho but its fine dsbhfs their story is always changing and growing so who knows!

okay wait i just came back to this like 3 hours after starting to write these & sitting on it and. i think robin is roughly 23 when zoey breaks up w her and piper moves in. august is in her senior year of undergrad when she meets piper (again) and she's younger than robin. i think piper is the youngest?? okay wait. ok. robin is 23 when piper moves in, who is 21 at the time. august is 22 & felix is like 21 and a half. or something. at the very beginning. or maybe robin is 22 and piper is 20 and they dont encounter august for another year or so??? idk. ill figure this out eventually. where i draw her most is her late 20s when shes happy w everyone HSDVSFV thats what matters

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

yeas :3 felix is their partner/fiancé (they dont get married for a long time even after getting engaged bc robin just, really likes calling them her fiancé. it's really special to her) and piper is her girlfriend!! it took a long time for robin to realize she was worth loving tbh but all of connect 4 are out here trying to remind her whenever they can (even august. begrudgingly.) (also just to clarify, august is piper's wife) (and felix's gym buddy/bestie/fuck buddy) (she and robin have some sort of fwb thing going on. enemies with benefits. they pretend to hate each other but dont be fooled. theyre besties) (august just isnt romantically involved w anyone But piper) (same w felix & robin)

also fig is dating wren! however i have no current art of them :sob: he's a sweetheart printmaking major who meets fig in school. fig is a fine arts type major who minors in, like, photography, & also tries to work w as many mediums as possible. wren is kind of infatuated w them but tries to hide it bc he's... a dork. he's a dork who does NOT know how to talk to people. and takes to doodling fig in their sketchbook & making prints abt the nebulous Feelings they give him. fig is Aware of it but is Very Autistic abt it all & cant place their own feelings for a while. it all comes to a head when they're. like. hanging out together in the studio and fig just drops a description of how theyve been feeling around wren and wren is like. um. ummmm. did they just fucking. confess to me. and then it's another week before wren is like heeyyyyyyyyyy. would you. like to go on a date. and fig is like. ok :) anyways theyre very in love.

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

is coffee a food. i think robin would live off of it if she could. felix is like, the main reason she starts actually Eating Food Normally bc they wont let her drink 5 iced coffees & call it a day. but to tell u the truth ive never really thought abt her fav food! it's probably something really simple, tho, like one of her dad's pasta recipes. comfort foods to the max.

💼 - What do they do for a living?

robin works as a barista at the coffee shop below her apartment (let me have this fantasy). ive said it once and i'll say it again: robin is the epitome of coffee shop au (derogatory). she doesnt Hate it bc so much free coffee & all her coworkers are some kind of queer but shes also like. not exactly a social butterfly & if anyone's ever a jackass to her she will Not take it (let me have this fantasy also). she's llike 5' even but if anyone yells at any of her coworkers. even ones she doesnt like. she's up to bat so fast. u wanna speak to the manager? ok speak to me. ill kill you

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

YEAS robin likes to sew & make clothes/costumes in her spare time. zoey used to make fun of her abt it so she kind of fell off of it for a while, but when piper moved in w her & showed interest in it, robin picked it back up! didn't get fully back into it for a while, but she's out here making clothes for connect 4 as a labor of love (esp felix bc. theyre fucking huge & have trouble finding things in their size sometimes. especially in the arms). also i specify costumes bc she absolutely drags all of them 2 conventions w her in themed cosplays that, like, none of them but robin understand dvgfsdgv. she also sometimes tag-teams w ellis (august's old college roomie) bc xe's actually really into cosplay & nerd shit but can't sew. however xe CAN work w robin to add cool practical effects to costumes and as much as they bully each other . ngl their cosplays always fuck. OH ALSO robin has a tattoo gun . she gives herself tattoos sometimes. when she's feeling it. sometimes the others get in on it dsfds

🎯 -What do they do best?

bitch and moan and be a hater. fuck nasty lesbian style. etc etc

jokes aside tbh . i dont want to boil her down to "barista" but she IS, like, good at what she does. the shit she makes slaps. one of those bitches who has as many fancy coffee gadgets around the apartment as she can afford (and some she cant). no one's complaining tho bc. despite all the bitching she does. she really likes doing things 4 the people she loves and has everyones morning favs down pat

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

once more. bitch and moan and be a hater & fuck nasty lesbian style. dsvbhgfvbsdh. this is only half a joke tbh robin can be hypersexual & genuinely really enjoys sex so like. yeah. she loves to bone down w any mix of connect 4 and it's a blessing that there's 3 other people bc sometimes i dont think any one of them could keep up. lmao. other than that she enjoys, like, reading indie comics & also manga tbh. loves to cuddle up w felix in bed while they read bc they have sleeping trouble & she knows she helps sometimes. loves to plan dates & hangouts even if she complains the whole time. loves spending any & all time she can w her loved ones now that she lets herself Connect on an emotional level as for shit she hates 2 do. working closers @ opening back to back (happens often). not a fan of cooking. hates going to the gym but will do it to watch felix & august work out. thinks most chores are a sisyphean task that she, personally, has been burdened with (enjoys doing laundry tho). hates talking abt her feelings but gets better abt it

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

the first christmas she spent w felix was. ngl. life changing for her. even if shit broke bad shortly after :sob: (they get it worked out but it gets messy for a hot second). genuinely one of the first times she feels Loved for who she is & like she could deserve it someday. which scares the hell out of her in the moment but. despite everything she still thinks abt it fondly also. when she proposes to felix is up there. not necessarily the proposal (that was slapdash & embarrassing and she kind of wants 2 crawl into the dirt) (after weeks of planning & getting cold feet Once Already, she just drops it on felix while they're driving & they nearly crash bc thats nothing they would have ever expected robin 2 say. and robin ends up so embarrassed she nearly has a panic attack trying to backtrack bc what was she doing what was she saying this was the worst obviously youre going to say no im so sorry please ignore everything ive said in the past 5 minutes--) (felix has to pull over on the side of the road to help robin Chill)but the aftermath, when she's calmed down enough that felix is able to be like, hey, hey, baby. look at me. you can take it back if you really want but the answer would be yes either way ok? and they have a Moment and end up making out w robin sat up on the guard rail while the sun sets around them. very romantic save for all the honking they get

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

most anything involving her ex and highschool. tbh. that's all kind of a blur for her but it's not like she Wants to remember any of it. zoey has always preyed on her insecurities & kind of molded her into the bitter cunt she pictures herself as so. it's kind of all bad. she wasn't a good person when she was with zoey & she knows it & feels guilty abt it. other contenders include: when she lied to her dads abt going to college in LA (she went for a semester and dropped out) specifically to be w zoey, knowing they wouldnt have Let Her Go had they known zoey was involved (they did not like zoey). any memory involving holidays spent alone (or worse: w zoey) when she would ignore calls from her dads. another contender for worst is the memory of seeing felix for the first time after their initial break up because ough ouch oof owie that sucked shit.

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

nope! she was originally a splatoon octoling :^] still very similar vibes tho!

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

juice & i wanted to make splat ocs that were salmon runners! her og lore is that she worked salmon run shifts over night & coffee shop shifts during the day. no time to sleep she needs to make money. now she just has the coffee shop job but she's still just as cranky and mean. FELIX HOWEVER has changed so much. i know this isn't abt felix but its still wild thinking abt just how much they've mellowed out compared to like, og felix.

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

slice of life :^] same as august and piper. there's a post going around abt, like, coming of age stories for adults where. u know. people over 25 or whatever are finally coming into their own & if that was a Genre id absolutely smack robin into it. she grows A Lot from her 20s into her 30s. continues to grow from there, too. haven't thought too much abt, like, Older Connect 4 bc i have some Neuroses around that, but shhh

💚 - What is your OC’s gender identity and sexuality?

robin is cis </3 but a lesbian! <3 fsdfds (august is also cis and a lesbian. piper and felix are the partners w the genders) (piper is a trans lesbian & felix is. genderfluid? queer? has something going on. & bisexual. like. fuck men as a man, fucks women as a woman, etc) (u only technically asked abt robin but shh)

fig is (wavy hand motion) and demi :^] juice is still playing around w their gender, when i asked it was like. some variation of nonbinary or agender leaning on towards transfem. gender simply does not matter to them

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have?

both robin and fig are only children!

robin feels Guilty abt that often bc she feels like she's kind of a fuck up and that her dads deserved a better daughter (they love her dearly and would never think she's a failure or a burden) (but robin has Neuroses)

fig is. tbh. very much a spoiled only child. theyre very sweet and kind tbh but they were (and are) Very Protected From Everything & their parents can and will do anything for them at any given moment. money is no object. they use this power for good as often as they can tho

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like?

ope didnt realize this was the next question dsvfgsd so. uh. oopies. i will add on that like. robins dads went the surrogacy route w her. her godmom was the gestational carrier & is pretty good friends w her dads so she shows up to family functions a lot dsfsd. ive yet to design her tho (very double income no kids lesbian aunt vibes from her) (i need to flesh her out more actually) (juice and i half designed robins dads once but didnt settle on anything. need to do that again)

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

i like that robin grows and heals w time, and even though she fucks up she still ends up happy w her friends and family. she has a support system of people who love her. despite going through deep shit & dealing w a lot of mental health issues, she's happy and safe and loved & has learned how to cope w things & is on her way to forgiving herself. she doesnt want to die anymore. she finally looks forward to the future. im normal. dont look too much into this. anyways

as for fig . my fav thing abt them is how in love w the world they are. they never get tired of how beautiful everything is, from sunsets to grass growing in cracks in the sidewalk to the patterns that gnats follow. its part of the reason they get into art tbh. they want to translate that beauty into their work. why they dabble in every medium they can. i love fig so much

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

robin is easily my most drawn oc (followed shortly by jo, but mostly bc jo was like. my only oc for a while & they were directly connected to a special interest at the time) BUT EVEN THEN. I DONT DRAW HER ANYWHERE NEAR ENOUGH 😭😭😭 rip to all my ocs who arent my comfort characters that no one fucking Knows about because i never draw them. BIGGER rip to the OCs who dont even have toyhouse pages bc i only drew them once years ago and have since redesigned in my mind but havent drawn yet. looking @ ellis & atlas & wren & graham especially. sorry to my boys (and ellis) i just never draw guys ever :sob: (posts that made me realize its literally like. all my guy ocs - and ellis - who i havent uploaded yet 😭😭😭)

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

lmao no absolutely not robin is going to live forever. all my ocs are immortal (<- guy who has Intense Neuroses & Anxieties revolving around death and is not in a place where he can unpack that shit yet)

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

i dont think robin has any ACTUAL phobias (like., defined ones. you know what i mean??) (like arachnophobia or agorophobia or w/e), but for the longest time she was terrified of showing anyone that she cares bc she didn't want to get used again. that's why the initial break-up? w felix happens (she admits she loves them during sex & then immediately panics and kicks felix out & runs away to her dads house for a month w/o telling anyone & purges all her socials. she's normal and makes totally rational decisions). she also has a pretty big Fear that zoey is going to dredge up old shit and start shit and make the rest of connect 4 leave her (which. like. zoey DOES try after a couple of years) (bc shes a petty motherfucker who is upset that robin's doing well) (it obviously. doesn't work) (piper writes a. quite frankly. scathing ass message to zoey) (august swears if she were a few years younger & stupider she would have gone out and started a Fight) (felix just holds her so tight) (anyways)

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

fig is absolutely incapable of having an arch-nemesis or rival. like. thats not something that could exist 4 them. they love everyone too much and just assume good intentions. its a problem sometimes.

also robin has several rivals tbqh. the peppy gay barista at work who is too much of a ray of sunshine. she is going to get him to crack. ellis is a rival bc xe hates everyone august has ever slept with (barring piper) (i dont think xe realizes she slept w felix though bc . those two had . a lot of risky hookups in public places i dont think they really ever boned at the apartment LMAO). august is her BIGGEST rival (said lovingly). their relationship is very (robin voice) shut up august im gonna go fuck your wife now. and august bullies her so hard. relentlessly. also full disclosure they also fuck sometimes but its specifically (i warned everyone abt sexual themes or whatever so i can say this) really rough nasty stuff bc august doesnt mind getting rougher w her and robin lives for it. lmao. very hatesex type shit where they're constantly butting heads while robin is tied to the bed. we have fun here

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

i posted robin for the first time on sept 7 2020!! which is the same day as justice's bday which is fun. so! she'll be 4 this year :^] wild as shit tbh it still feels like she's a new oc to me.

fig also looks like they have a 2020 bday, just earlier in the year! wild!

🍥 - What age were you when you created the OC?

me sitting here like. okay how much pain am i gonna be in acknowledging how old i was in 2020. okay lets see. ok. robin was a week before my birthday which means i was. oh my god. i was 24. i wasnt even 25 yet. oh my god. ohghh my god. time comes for us all. i made robin older than me when i made her im gonna throw up. im gonna become an oyster. im gona

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

Maybe you’ve answered this one before, but who lived at the Duplay’s and when were they there? Because I’ve spent time looking at those plans and there isn’t that much room.

I’ve spent some time looking things over, and all people claimed to have lived with the Duplays that I’ve found so far are the following: the Robespierre siblings, Couthon, Dom Gerle, Branche, François Nicolas Anthoine and Compte de Broc. You’re absolutely right in that there isn’t enough room in the map over the house for them to have lived there all at once. Élisabeth Lebas too only mentions two guest rooms when describing the house in her memoirs (the first is the one on the second floor titled ”Robespierre’s room,” the other is on the first floor and, confusingly enough, titled ”atelier.” In order to find out who lived where when, let’s go over things cronologically.

First proven to have been in contact with the Duplays out of the people listed above are Dom Gerle and Branche, whom the minutes for 1789-1790 of the Jacobin Club list as living on Rue Saint-Honoré 366 during said years. Branche I couldn’t find anything about at all, other than the fact that he was a lawyer. As for Dom Gerle, according to the one biography I found over him, he stayed in Paris during the rest of the revolution, but it would appear most likely that he moved out before 1791 when Robespierre moved in, seeing as he would claim that the two lost sight of one another for a year and a half after the closing of the National Assembly.

For Robespierre, the story, as told by his sister and Fréron, goes that he took refuge at the Duplays on the day of the Massacres on Champ-de-Mars (July 17 1791) after which he decided to move in there permanentely. However, on August 9 the same year Robespierre still gave his adress as being on 30 rue de Saintonge, so, at least formally, he can’t have moved in with the Duplays until after that date.

Couthon came to Paris a month later, on order to take a seat in the Legislative Assembly. Not long after his arrival, Robespierre left the capital for a trip to Arras. On October 16 he wrote to Maurice Duplay, asking him to ”remind me of Lacoste and Couthon.” A logical explanation to why both Robespierre and his host had become close with Couthon so quickly would be that the latter had moved in under the same roof as them, but that idea is broken by the fact that Couthon, in the first letter he writes after arriving in Paris (September 29 1791) says he’s found lodging on rue Saint-Honoré, not with Duplay but with one M. Girot. The almanach royal for 1792 also gives Couthon’s address as 343, not 366, rue St. Honoré. 

Someone else who doesn’t seem like a probable lodger for the year 1791 is François Nicolas Anthoine, mayor of Metz. I only know he lodged with the Duplays because the historian J.M Thompson so claims in his biography over Robespierre (1935). The minutes for the Jacobins 1789-1790 says Anthoine lived on rue du Mail during those years, and on rue des Frondeurs in 1791. In March 1793 he was sent out on a mission, and  five months later he died from illness in Metz. If he lived at Rue Saint-Honoré 366 it must have therefore been somewhere between January 1792-March 1793.

As for the compte de Broc, Robespierre’s doctor Joseph Souberbielle attested that he too moved into the house in 1792:

”I may add that I have heard a Norman gentleman, M. de Broc, tell how in 1792, being forced to go into hiding with his wife and two children, he took lodgings in the house of one Duplay, under a fictitious name. He very rarely ventured out, and then only at night. Robespierre lodged in the same house. He was fond of children and took kindly notice of M. de Broc’s little ones whenever he met them. This brought about an acquintance with the parents. The Compte de Broc found him most agreeable.”In spite of the injury he inflicted on several members of my family,” he went on to say, ”and in spite of his opinions which I execrate, I can never forget what he was to me at that time.” 

I’ve not find any more information regarding him, however, given the fact that we know the house got new guests in the fall of 1792, it seems most likely for de Broc’s family to have moved into the ”atelier” earlier that year, and then moved out before Robespierre’s siblings arrived.

Back to Couthon, we have the following anecdote from the deputy Jacques-Antoine Dulaure:

”During the first three months of the session of the National Convention, the members of the Puy-de-Dome deputation fraternized and dined together once a week. Couthon then never ceased to pour out invectives against Robespierre. Once I told him that I thought Robespierre an intriguer. ”What do you call intriguing,” he answered me with vivacity, ”I regard him as a great scroundel.” I heard him, in the presence of several of my colleagues, one day when the deputation was summoned to his house, say: ”I no longer want to live in the same house as Robespierre, I am not safe there; every day we see a dozen cutthroats coming up to his house to whom he gives dinner. I do not know how he managed to meet these expenses before being elected to the Convention, while my allowances are barely enough for me to live with my family.”

Thus, if Dulaure’s anecdote is to be believed (it’s from right after thermidor, so it should be treated with caution) Couthon lodged with the Duplays since at least the beginning of the Convention. On 9 August 1792, Robespierre wrote a letter to Couthon in which we learn the latter was sick and away from Paris, so maybe he settled with the Duplays after his return (as a sidenote, in said letter Robespierre displays much affection for Couthon — ”My friend, I anxiously await news of your health. […] We miss you. May you soon return to your patrie and we await with equal impatience your return and your recovery.” — so it’s pretty hilarious if what Dulaure says is true and Couthon detested Robespierre in response.)

Thompson has the following footnote in his Robespierre (1935):

”Couthon seems to have lodged with the Duplays for a time in the summer of 1792 (v.1/292 n.)”

However, I can’t seem to understand what the source he’s linking to is. If anyone has any idea, feel free to share it.

Thompson also writes that on October 4, Couthon wrote a letter to Roland from the Duplays’ address, saying he was under notice to leave his present quarters within a week, and asking for rooms in the Tuileries, where he would be able to more conveniently attend the Manège. Roland refused (October 8), on the ground that the Tuileries was being prepared for the Assembly, and Couthon found lodgings in the Cour du Manège (where it then would appear he stayed from then on) instead. I found the letters mentioned here in neither Roland nor Couthon’s correspondence, however, October 4 does seem like a logical date for Couthon to leave, seeing as Charlotte and Augustin just would have arrived.

As for those two, we have the following document, and it seems likely for it to have been written the same day they came to Paris (seeing as Augustin was elected to the Convention on September 16 and is first listed as a speaker at the Jacobins on October 5):

”Duplay has rented to Robespierre the older and the younger for the term and from the first of October 1793, old style, the small apartment at the back where we are, fully furnished, as well as an unfurnished apartment in the main building on the Rüe, all for the sum of one thousand pounds per year and without a lease, all for the sum of thousand pounds per year and this without a lease.”

We know that Charlotte eventually convinced Maximilien to move into an apartment on Rue Saint-Florentin instead, but that he soon enough fell ill and returned to the Duplays. Unfortunately, Charlotte gives no date for when these two things happened in her memoirs, so it’s impossible to know exactly. Being interrogated after thermidor, Simon Duplay revealed that the siblings had the Saint-Florentin apartment since at least December 1793, as Augustin went to live there after his return from the army of Italy. According to Mauricé-André Gaillard’s memoirs, Charlotte told him that all three siblings were living together at this point, which to me implies she got Maximilien to move somewhere in late fall 1793, after her return from the mission in Nice, and that the period of illness during which he went back to Rue Saint-Honoré was the one stretching from February to March 1794. Gaillard, speaking to Charlotte two months after that, claims she told him that she too had returned to the Duplays at this point, which suggests they didn’t give the ”atelier” away to a new guest after she moved out. Augustin however, appears to have returned to the apartment on Rue Saint-Florentin when returning to Paris in the summer again, as a letter to him from Charlotte dated July 6 1794 reveals.

[nymeriaaa]

tag game: get to know me!

thank you so much for the tag @svintsandghosts ! ♥

~~~~

1. Birthday? 22nd oct

2. Favorite color? green or purple, depends on the shade

3. How tall are you? about 5’3

4. How many pairs of shoes do you own? id say about 12 but i only wear like 3 pairs lol

5. Favorite song? currently it's regular by nct 127 buuuut don't ask me my all time fave coz like... i couldn't choose. it would probably be an mcr or green day song lol (or treasure by ateez)

6. Favorite movie? um well i love edward scissorhands and the lotr trilogy. oh and the harry potter movies too! school of rock... horror would probably be the descent part 1 only... ahh don't make me choose seriously i could list so many 😩

7. Who would be your ideal partner? idk... just someone who loves me for me and is kind, loyal... accepts the fact that i have many kpop boyfriends who will always own my heart 🙄

8. Do you want children? not really but i'd definitely compromise if i met the right guy and he wanted one

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law? nope

10. What color socks are you wearing? none

11. Favorite type of music? pop punk/post hardcore/"emo", and kpop lol

12. How many pillows do you sleep with? ok so 2 for my head, 2 on the other side of the bed, my boomerang pillow and a big square/european one as well... so 6 lol

13. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my side but when im just chilling in bed i can lay on back too for a bit

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping not having the fan on, i don't care what temperature it is. my fan stays on. (im keeping this answer cause same 100%)

15. Have you tried archery? nope

16. Favorite fruit? watermelon, blueberries and mango

17. Are you a good liar? no unless it's at work and i have to come up with an excuse to get out of going to another store or to not send one of my staff to another store... then im a brilliant liar. oh im also really good at lying about why i can't hang out or go somewhere if im not feeling up to it (which is most of the time lol)

18. What’s your personality type? istp. im very shy and the biggest introvert unless im comfortable around you, and awkward as fuck lol

19. Innie or outie? innie

20. Left or right handed? left

21. Favorite food? sushi. japanese good in general is just 🤌 delish

22. Favorite foreign food? oh well i just answered that in the question above? japanese. chinese, thai, korean and vetnamese are amazing too!

23. Are you clean or messy? both but trying to fix bad habits and keep my room clean and organised but it's hard when your mental health sucks sometimes

24. Most used phrase?

probably what the fuck and the word cunt in general. oh if you ask sandra my 2ic it would also be i don't care 😅

25. How long does it take you to get ready depends but if its for work about 30/40ish mins

26. Do you talk to yourself? of course

27. Do you sing to yourself? yes lol

28. Are you a good singer? hell no

29. Biggest fear? this is stupid and lame but spiders/insects/bugs/creepy crawlies... just all of that 😬

30. Are you a gossip? not really, maybe a little at work but it's more just complaining and bitching about our shitty area managers lol

31. Long or short hair? for me? long hair. but i like both on other people

32. Favorite school subject? um... none? lol like i didn't have any one subject i was really good at compared to others i was just kinda average in everything but really really bad at maths and science

33. Extrovert or introvert? introvert

34. What makes you nervous? yeah people, public speaking... there's more but ill leave it at that

35. Who was your first crush? his name was matthew it was in year 3. i found out he passed away a few years ago and he had a wife and kid so that was sad

36. How many piercings do you have? just my ears (which have kinda closed up lol) i used to have my lip done too many years ago

37. How many tattoos do you have? one but wanting more!

38. How fast can you run? no ❤️ (lol same)

39. What color is your hair? purple atm but it's faded so i need to redo it

40. What color are your eyes? hazel

41. What makes you angry? so many fucking things. work makes me angry (not my team in store but mostly everyone else) i could rant about my workplace for a whole fucking month i swear. when i see people talking shit about people/artists i love. people who play games and toy with other people's emotions and use them... im gonna stop but i could list a lot

42. Do you like your name? yeah

43. Do you want a boy or girl as a child? none but if i were to have one... i guess a boy... idk

44. What are your strengths? um im friendly and welcoming, kind. i think overall im a good person and that's a good thing... lol

45. What are your weaknesses? shy, ignore red flags and forgive people too easily. scared of confrontation due to being shy so i don't speak up as much as i should especially when it comes to my beliefs and i guess in that sense i can be a bit of a pushover... but only in certain scenarios. i definitely need more confidence

46. What’s the color of your bedspread? black and white atm

47. What’s the color of your room? black, grey and white wall paper on one wall then just a neutral, off white colour the rest

~~~~

Tagging but no obligation; @alphadisaster @septicrebel @jin-neck-shaft @hyuckilstan @saynofakke

[perryvonvicious]

Annual End-of-Year Survey (2024!)

Annual End-of-Year Survey (2024!)

1. How did you ring in the new year for 2024? 

wished my wife a Happy New Year.

2. Who did you kiss at midnight/your first kiss in 2024? 

My wife.

3. What did you do in 2024 that you'd never done before?: 

I drove a monster truck.

4. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

I don't make new year's resolutions.

5. Did anyone close to you give birth?: 

No.

6. Did anyone close to you die?: 

Uncle Sid (“Sycho” Sid Vicious/Sid Justice).

7. What places did you visit?: 

Disneyland, The Bay Area, Walt Disney World, Bigfoot 7 in Orlando, Wildwood, NJ., Cape May, NJ., The American Dream Mall in NJ. 

8. What would you like to have in 2025 that you lacked in 2024?: 

Substantial income?

9. What dates from 2024 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: 

I don’t remember dates. So… none?

10. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: 

I drove a monster truck, and I was on Judge John Hodgman.

11. What was your biggest failure?:

I guess I didn’t make that much money? I don’t know.

12. Did you suffer illness or injury?: 

I had a couple colds. I also had covid in July.

13. What was the best thing you bought?: 

I didn’t really buy much. I bought my wife a portable microscope that attaches to her phone, and she likes it a lot… so that, maybe? But that was only at XMas, so it’s only been a few days.

14. Whose events required celebration?: 

Rip & Delmi got engaged. That was cool.

15. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: 

America.

16. Where did most of your money go?: 

What money?

17. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: 

All kinds of stuff. It was a busy year.

18. What song will always remind you of 2024?: 

Anything from Olivia Rogrigo’s “Guts” or Sabrina Carpenter’s “Short ‘n Sweet”, or The Aquabats’ “Finally!”, or anything by The One and Only PPL MVR.

Compared to this time last year, are you: 

a) Happier or sadder?: Happier.

b) Thinner or fatter?: More muscle.

c) Richer or poorer?: Same-ish?

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?: 

I spent the first ⅔ of the year deeply depressed. I wish I’d gone outside more and exercised more in those months.

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?: 

Wallowing.

21. Did you fall in love in 2024?: 

I fell in love in 2007.

22. How many one-night stands?: 

Zero.

23. How many people did you kiss? 

My wife.

24. What was your favorite TV program?: 

YouTube.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: 

I don't think so.

26. What was the best book you read?: 

Every Tool is a Hammer by Adam Savage, and The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green (technically a re-read)

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: 

Olivia Rodrigo, Sabrina Carpenter, Daisy Grenade, The One and Only PPL MVR.

28. What did you want and get?: 

Improved mental stability.

29. What did you want and not get?: 

Not much I can think of.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?: 

The Queen of Villains (technically a mini-series)

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: 

I turned 40. We went to Kowloons and then saw the Aquabats in Boston.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: 

If I’d gotten my shit together sooner.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2024?: 

Gym shorts/sweatpants and t-shirts/tank tops… or jeans and flannel… but also shirtless a LOT.

34. What kept you sane?: 

The sun.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: 

Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo, Weird Al

36. What political issue stirred you the most?: 

Uhg. Pass.

37. Who do you miss?: 

I miss Levi. I wish he was out here to be a part of my adventures.

38. Who was the best new person you met?: 

Not sure I met anyone new.

39. Who were your closest friends in 2024? 

In no particular order: Justus, Torres, Rip, Delmi, Levi, Anton, Jet Wei, Kodai.

40. What are you doing to ring in 2025? 

I’ll be home, relaxing with my wife.

41. Who do you plan on kissing to ring in 2025? 

My wife.

42. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2024: 

When in doubt, just start doing something. Static inertia is the worst.

[tongueofcat]

Personal, read if you want… warning though it’s a fucking novel.

Just went through a bittersweet dive through someone’s blog that I used to know because we had a mutual friend. We probably don’t anymore, said mutual friend and I don’t talk anymore on a one-on-one basis (it’s very long drama and I still don’t fully understand it). And I just… they have a very happy, fulfilling relationship and I wish them to have continued happiness… but, by reading their shenanigans and coupley goofs and good times, I’m reminded of my ex-wife and simultaneously said mutual friend.

If they read this they will most certainly know it’s them. I mean no ill will by writing this, my Tumblr has become sort of a diary under my talk tag to express myself and better process my emotions. Mainly because I have very little people to bounce off of anymore. Whose fault is that? Mine, probably. I just wish I knew what I did with my ex-wife and mutual friend to be essentially be abandoned on the metaphorical side of the road. Maybe I’m being slightly hyperbolic - we have a shared discord server that’s… not active whatsoever. It’s lucky if it gets 1 post a month. But, I digress, back to the point…

My ex-wife and I separated in May 2022; we were together for approximately 9.5 years (we lived together the whole time minus a few months). We were married April 1st, 2019 (the reasoning for the date was that she had trouble remembering dates and I wanted it to be an easy-to-remember date for her - we didn’t realize over half of Facebook, when we announced our nuptials, would assume we were joking). Since then I’ve done/have experienced the following:

- Moved away from my social circle.

I lovingly curated this social circle practically all my 20s. I was 29 when the separation happened and turned 30 within the next couple of weeks. This consisted of over 5 people, probably 10. This was a several states away move; I cannot just go visit my old once offline friends at my leisure. I cannot drive, and every attempt to learn in the past few years has all come down to me realizing I have whack-amounts of anxiety related to driving. More so than I used to think.

- Moved back in with my parents.

My parents and I, boy I do love them, form a dysfunctional unit at best. It’s… hard to be around them for extended periods of time and they’re really the only in-person people I see on a daily/weekly/monthly basis (see above: cannot drive). My father is a non-academic sports guy golfer who, when I try to explain my worldview and politics to him… just assumes I’m getting my information from Fake News™️ sites or just leftist media. He voted for Trump this year and I gave him so much shit for it my mother had to sit me down and tell me to stop. Said shit was try to educate him (I will admit most of it was done angrily/frustratedly) on what will happen because of his actions. My mother is now a capital D democrat (raised republican, but Trump’s last term flipped her). She is very academic, book-smart, and independent; she is also a British royalphile (she is not British, but did live there for a period of time in her youth) and excessively exercises (Pilates is her exercise of choice) — there is nothing wrong with exercising of course, it is good for you, it’s just she goes to classes 6 out of 7 days of the week multiple (2-3) times a day. Now that I’ve painted a picture for you of them, you can see how different they are… no wonder I’m a fucking Gemini because I’m like this odd mish-mash of their behaviors and personalities, as well as looks. Anyway, this is a very long way to try to explain that we don’t mesh well together. Since I’m the produced assigned middle ground at birth child, I’ve always been like a carrier pigeon between them. We rarely all socialize in the same room because we argue. So when I hang out with my parents it’s on a one-on-one basis… and it’s just. I love them but we are so different, despite me being their literal offspring. I find myself shut in my room most of the time… which of course is very lonely, but when I do venture out I get ridiculed for some reason or another or ignored entirely. I do not know which I prefer yet…

- Worked several part time jobs, all of which I struggled due to executive dysfunction (ADHD and possibly Autism, haven’t gotten around to getting tested sorry) and my physical disability.

I have always struggled in the work force, be it retail/food or corporate. Even well-medicated (ADHD, depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, chronic back pain) I never meet all the metrics necessary to stay hired for long. I am, however, generally well liked by coworkers as well as the clientele if applicable. I come to really enjoy most of the jobs I work in… only to be let go anywhere from 2 months in to half a year later. My last job fired me in October of 2023 over the phone on my day off. I have looked for work and submitted over 100 (I’m being serious) resumes to prospective employers and I haven’t gotten any bites. Eventually, I gave up, decided okay, I am in a lot of pain when I try to work, even with accommodations like ergonomic desk and being allowed to sit instead of standing my entire shift… why don’t I try my hand at applying for disability? I meet with a disability lawyer via a service that says they won’t get paid until I’m approved (getting like 1/4th or something of the first check/backpay). They say I might have a case, if I can scrounge up all the required medical proof needed for disability. I go to do that and find out my donkey-ass (read ass^2) doctors rarely notated my fucking ailments. Most of my notes just talk about me being overweight, I had to really dig to find fibromyalgia, a diagnosis I remember them slapping me with quickly after blood work and poking me in various painful places on my body. I have been told I have MULTIPLE ISSUES, but apparently I’ve simply just been told. I couldn’t believe it! My back pain, which I’ve gotten multiple scans for like MRIs and shit… all I can find is mild scoliosis. Um? I remember a doctor telling me it’s highly probable I have a pinched nerve or two. I gave up looking for more medical documentation due to the depression that came from me realizing 5+ years of medical drama watered down to, like… fibromyalgia and mild scoliosis. That’s all I could show for it on the physical medical side — I have a lot of mental health problems, too… but I decided I had enough. So I put it off… the attorney checked in with me via text while I had Bronchitis and I just… went off on them. I shouldn’t have done that, but I did.

TL;DR: I don’t think I’m eligible for disability of any kind.

- Discovered I do, in fact, self harm. Regularly if I don’t contain myself.

TW: sexual assault, sex.

The fall following the seperation from my wife I was so fucking lonely. I was doing poorly at my bakery job, a job a loved so much. I decided I needed to punish myself for everything that had led up to this moment: my failed marriage, my deteriorating health, being bad at jobs, and basically everything else. I am not the prettiest person, but I know my angles and how to sell myself to others due to a life of being in a near-constant state of anxiety. I make a Tinder and swipe on every man I can until I get hits. I do not discriminate by appearance because, in general, I am not initially attracted to appearance. I could write a paper on my sexuality, but not now. Long story short, I was not sexually attracted to any of them. This was not about my pleasure. I am able to obtain a date essentially every day in the upcoming week (5). They are not dinner dates… they are fuck dates. So I guess l got a bunch of hookups, whatever. I go along with anything the guy of the day wants to do, even if I normally wouldn’t do that. Most of these guys were okay individuals, one of them was actually a sweetie-pie. But then came Friday and I realized, mid-coitus, that I couldn’t do this anymore and I wanted to go home. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and continued doing his thing after I clearly said please stop. He told me to shut up and take it. I became numb and obliged. Afterwards I was bought an Uber to go home because he didn’t like my vibes (aka crying after being raped). It was not my first time being sexually assaulted, but beforehand it was mostly COCSA with the one exception of my first in-person boyfriend raping me while I was asleep. Anyways, something changed in my brain chemistry on that ride home in the Uber. I decided that level of degradation was the exact punishment I deserved for all my sins thus far. So I, extremely depressed and unmedicated, decided to try to recreate that feeling when my boss tells me to take the week of to recuperate (I told him I was sick, which wasn’t a complete lie - I had a cold). I just knew he wanted to fire me. I could feel it, I just could. That was my breaking point. Fast forward to the end of next week I put myself into sexual situations I didn’t want multiple (5+) times within that week. I do not consider any of them to be sexual assault, but it was enough that I had become numb during the act and felt like human garbage afterwards, so I got what I came for. I mention in passing to my online friends about my many, many hookups and it’s seen as a good thing. They think I was bragging. I wasn’t. I think a part of me was trying to get help. I do not blame my friends, only myself. Eventually the hookups became more and more spread apart… but, for the moment, I had opened myself up to being used sexually. This eventually ramped up to me performing sexual acts near my job for two coworkers. My fear in losing my job I enjoyed caused me to look at my behavior and actions and finally say no, I actually do not deserve or want this. And I stopped. That was spring May 2023. So this had been a cycle I had fallen into for a while.

- Had several crushes on people, most of them not panning out whatsoever.

I have one person who I think I could really be happy with, like a potential life partner. They feel similarly to me, but we’ve ultimately come to the conclusion that we both suck at romantic relationships, so we are not together. Also the fact they live in Scotland and I live in Texas. Because of this I have attempted to recreate any sort of love with others… I am currently solo poly and I have been since the separation.

I haven’t really dated anyone except my last boyfriend who I just broke up with. It wasn’t really that messy, essentially he looked at his life and realized he didn’t have time to properly be with me. Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell though! We dated from early August 2024 to like… November 1st 2024. It wasn’t that long. But I had a good time… it was nice to feel loved for a while romantically.

Before that I had a massive crush on someone I met after being separated from my ex-wife, via my old social circle. They are such an interesting person! I confessed in May 2024 on discord in a rambling message like hey I think you’re really cool, sweet, and have amazing hair (also you’re pretty everywhere else, too) and I don’t expect you to reciprocate my feelings, but I wanted to let you know how I felt regardless! They were flattered and ultimately declined dating, but we started this weird friends with benefits situation that, looking back on it, was more romantically-charged than sexual? Even when I visited my old stomping grounds where they lived a month later and stayed at their residence for multiple weeks, we didn’t have sex. Not for a lack of trying on my part, I prompted them multiple times. They kept declining and I was like cool, cool. We did, however, go on multiple dates. They even took me to a park at night and we talked a lot after an extremely long day of fun. It all felt very romantic to me. We made out/kissed a lot which I enjoyed very much… but I came to the conclusion we didn’t have a traditional friends with benefits setup. I… truly didn’t know what was going on. We had numerous hard conversations that watered down to you are infatuated with me (read: me, Cat, was infatuated with them) and we are not going to be together. We weren’t compatible in that sense, but enjoyed each other enough we didn’t want to ruin the relationship. I went home after a month of friend times in my old city and… we slowly stopped talking on a one-on-one basis. I became upset by this and… I don’t exactly remember what I wrote, but it wasn’t a happy message. I tried to explain how I was so confused and adored them. Recently, we’ve been hanging out in voice calls (like every other week, once or twice said week) and I have come to the conclusion that’s what our relationship has become. We are friends of a mutual friend that enjoy each other’s company, but not enough to maintain regular contact. This is ok. I wish them the best… they are an extremely talented and wonderful person.

Circling back to the person in Scotland. We have been talking on a more regular basis again (note: 1-3 times a week)… we started a new writing roleplay and it’s really fun. They are just… I’m crying writing this, okay? I deeply care for them. They’ve been there before my separation, and during the separation process they were one of my pillars I leaned on. They have stayed by my side unlike other friends/pillars I’ve lost. I want nothing more for them to be happy and healthy. I know I will never meet them in person, for multiple reasons… but I just… I love them so much. If someone were to ask me who my soulmate was they would be the first person that comes to mind. My ex-wife hated that word… and for a good reason. Fucked up story behind that one, I’ll tell ya! But, yeah. I would drop everything to be with them. It will not happen.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not compatible with relationships. So I have simply just stopped trying.

List over.

I have experienced so much so fast since the separation… I am tired. I do not see me being a productive member of society, a parent to human children, or even a life partner to anyone. I… don’t really know why I keep living other than a natural desire to not be dead. My life used to be my ex-wife and our little family of three fur babies… it’s all I really cared about at the end of the day. I’ve been searching for some meaning now that that’s gone. People have told me live life for yourself! And I just… I’m sorry that’s just not how I work. Before my ex-wife I wasn’t nearly as depressed and I remember being confident, too. I was athletic and independent as I could be for someone who still lived at home. Throughout my relationship with my ex-wife, we slowly became codependent. I remember a pivotal point in this was when I was staying with my parents for a month or more to attend a wedding. Her parents barred me from coming home and we basically had to convince them to let me come back. My ex-wife changed her parents in her phone to other names — I distinctly remember her changing her dad to sir. I don’t remember what she called her mom and her other mom. Yes there’s three of them, I am not going into detail about that, sorry. Anyway, it created an us vs them mentality we never really recovered from, even after moving into our own place a couple years later. I really liked her parents, even her other mom who seemed to have it out for me. I wanted their approval so bad! But, in the end I never got it. They weren’t like… evil, but I was never fully accepted into the family. I always felt like an other. My ex-wife and I were like two peas in a pod. We did everything together: watched shows, movies, played games with each other or watched the other while they played a game… and we wrote together. That’s how we met: we wrote together in a now-defunct roleplay site that eventually we migrated from to our own forum and Skype. We had several stories that spanned the entirety of our 9.5 year relationship… we were creating up until April 2022 according to our last roleplay/writing messages. So basically up until the end. A big part of leaving my ex-wife was leaving thousands of characters and storylines behind. All that love and work poured onto the floor like split milk.

I mention this to put it beside the game of monster of the week we had been playing with aforementioned friend for like, I’m not gonna check receipts, but around two years or so. The three of us would meet once a week on Saturday to play an intense 4-6 hour game that completely took over my life in the form of a new hyper focus. I used that game as a crutch to get through the weeks of working at a callcenter at an insurance company (a job I eventually had to leave due to how buck wild my depression got). It was amazing. My ex-wife is a fantastic storyteller and all-around creator and my old friend is just amazing, too. Fantastic creatives. I considered myself the weak link between the three of us, I even had bouts where I was like am I even worthy of being in this game, they are soooo talented. But, despite that, the three of us became exceptionally close. We had a group chat that we all talked in basically all day everyday. I developed feelings for said friend. Apparently my type is oh, you’re creating something with me? Damn, that’s very attractive can I love you forever? Under the right circumstances at least (I haven’t found every aspect in recreating it purposefully, believe me I’ve tried). Anyway, we had a lot of fun. It was so fun to talk every day and share memes about MOTW between ourselves. Old friend is, not being hyperbolic, one of my all-time favorite artists. They drew a lot for the MOTW campaign and it was so cool. Anytime they drew, be it for the campaign or not, I adored it. It made me want to draw and create more, and they encouraged it. Old friend was a great friend! I… miss them a lot. Just message them I hear you whisper through the internet. I can’t. They have repeatedly asked me not to message them directly. So I don’t… in hopes I will hear from them again one day and we can rebuild our relationship. I highly doubt that will happen now. The last time we really talked about that they mentioned something along the lines of ‘I can be a guy you know’ when responding to my hopes of friendship. I’m still not sure what that means exactly, but I know it’s not friendship in the traditional sense. What did do you to warrant this reaction? Looking back at the message logs I’m still not 100% certain. I wasn’t an angel, I had emotional outbursts and begged them for attention. But when I cited those things as possible reasons why they did what they did, they said that wasn’t the reason. That I was cherry picking. I… I’m being entirely honest here: if you’re reading this I still don’t know exactly what I did. I read my friend’s explanations and remember at the time being so afraid of losing them that I thought I understood at the time, but at the end of the day I didn’t. I did not go back to read the messages for the purpose of writing this, but I do remember them pretty well. That said, I could be forgetting key details. I didn’t want to relive that fear of losing them and the sadness that comes with the conclusion that I have. We will never be close again, and that’s ok. I am just happy we were close at all. I wish them nothing but happiness. Maybe, in another life, we can be friends again. Or something else.

I miss my friend. I miss my ex-wife. I miss my fur babies. My ex-wife has blocked me on text and all social media. I haven’t seen my fur babies since May 2023 if I had to guess off the top of my head. I could talk about how I, in hopes of maintaining a civil relationship/possible friendship with my ex-wife gave into too many of her requests and worked around her whims too much after the separation, but I don’t want to go into detail about that. We will never talk again now that the divorce has been finalized… and that’s ok. I can mourn it. I’m allowed. But it’s a wound that doesn’t truly heal. Like when you break your leg when you’re older: it heals, but it’s never the same. I write this in my bed alone in pain. I am always alone now. At least in a proximal sense. I haven’t been outside my house in over a month. I eat just to survive most days, not out of any sense to savor or find pleasure in it. I am lonely, I am depressed, and I am going to die alone.

I’m tired of putting myself out there. I’m tired of swiping on dating apps and having a million conversations about the same thing and same interests only for them to eventually ghost me when I ask to meet up. I am choosing to see the blessings I do have and be thankful: housing, food, online friends I talk to on a semi-regular basis, writing, and games and other enrichment. Not everyone has that.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t mourn the domesticity of going grocery shopping, of hyping your partner up when they come out of the dressing room looking fine as heck in those pants, cooking together, doing chores while listening to the same thing (usually a YouTube essay or a podcast)… and all the other stuff I miss about living with my ex-wife. I miss the funny text messages we would send to each other, some of them are even memorialized on this Tumblr. I miss having a person and them having me. I miss how we could just look at each other and communicate full sentences. I miss her laughter. She had a great smile. One time we were at Hobby Lobby (ew, I know) and she took out one of those comically large roses and I took a picture of her smiling with one. It was her contact photo in my phone for years and I think it still is. I’m not going to check. I miss coloring her tattoo on her back with markers. I miss bleaching/dyeing each other’s hair. I miss going on long random drives and inevitably getting to long, deep discussions in a parking lot. Usually it was the Baker’s parking lot. I miss going to the grocery store at like 1 am, both of us sick out of our minds and in some state of delirium we see an end cap of blue Gatorade on sale and one of us shout BLUE, YOU LOVE BLUE. I forgot who said the famous line, but it became an inside joke. I miss giggling about stupid shit.

I miss her.

I miss her.

I miss her.

I think she was the love of my life. I’m probably still in love with her, despite my best efforts. My life isn’t the same without her, and I don’t just mean simply because I’m alone now and have basically no local friends. I’m not the same. I have changed, I have grown, my body has attempted to heal the hole she has left in my heart, but all it can manage it try to grow over it. It’s never been filled. It never will be. Nobody can fill it but her. And that’s… okay. That’s life, right? That’s a lost love. Numerous people go through this. I am not special to have experienced love lost.

I will not be awarded the same experience with the person I love in Scotland. I’m not even sure I should accept it if offered. I don’t know if I, someone who has fumbled a love so badly, should be trusted with another person’s heart. I don’t want to hurt anyone again.

So I will lock myself away and rot in my bed until I die.

I can’t hurt anyone from inside a cage.

[drakonfire12]

No Ukraine isn't just going to just sign away their land and people to Russian occupation

"Russian death camp: Three stories of Ukrainian prisoners" by Texty.org

The cases of Oleksandr Hrytsiuk, Vitalii Klochenko & Oleksii Kretsu

The image of Oleksandr is going around Twitter/X so lets first cover what's been said:

" Oksana Hrytsiuk, the wife of the deceased, says: [...] When we arrived in Kyiv for body identification on January 25, I was shocked by what I saw. It was a very horrifying sight. What struck me the most was how emaciated the body was. The pathologist said that he weighed less than fifty kilograms. Sasha was tall—180 cm. Before captivity, he weighed 110 kg and was physically healthy. What was left of him were just bones and skin. His head was all bruised, his nose was crooked, and his index fingers had no nails. Whether they were ripped out or smashed, I do not know. There were signs of torture all over his body. His cellmates later told me how they were tortured. Every day, they were beaten. They were beaten either in the cell or taken outside. They beat them very brutally, especially my husband. Because he was tall, stately, from western Ukraine, and didn’t want to speak Russian."

Overall, what does the article show?

Russians beat Ukrainian POWs for speaking Ukrainian (violated Geneva Convection Article 16, on humane treatment and Article 13 on equal treatment not differing by nationality or political views).

Russian mistreat Ukrainian POWs (violates Geneva Convention [henceforth "GC"] Article 13, on equal treatment).

Russians put Ukrainian POWs in such a position as to contract tuberculosis as well as other illnesses (violates GC Article 13)

Russians house people in terrible quarters and conditions (violates GC Article 20).

Russians confined Ukrainians to close quarters (violates GC Article 21).

Russians put both men and women in the same bathhouses (violates GC Article 29).

Russians did not provide enough food of good enough quality, dog food or food for pigs is clearly not human food (violates GC, Article 26).

Russians only gave 3 min to go to the bathroom, another instance 15 second showers (violates GC Article 29 on allowing for and maintaining proper hygiene).

Russians ignored the medical inspections that could have easily spotted tuberculosis among the sick POWs and then treated them. They did not give proper help to Oleksandr until he was in critical condition. (GC Article 31 on medical inspections, and also on medical treatment and Article 30 on medial attention).

Russians did not allows for enough correspondents, 2-4 a month is supposed to be a minimum requirement. Correspondence are supposed to be allowed in their native language, Russians forced them to write in Russian based on a template (violates GC article 71).

Russians either impersonated or the Red Cross were doing Russia's dirty work asking POWs if they want Russian passports.

You are probably wondering am I writing all this out painstakingly. I wrote all this out because some human rights orgs and some people keep ignoring very obvious mistreatment of Ukrainian POWs. Well here's a comprehensive list just from this article to get them started. This is also a reason why Ukraine and Ukrainians will never forgive anyone who forces us to give up Ukrainian land and people to occupation. And honestly, I curse all those non-Ukrainians who try to force Ukraine and Ukrainians into a deal that won't even last a few years, I hope your kids will be smarter than you.

Further explanation:

The text is bolded for emphasis by me. Text and short descriptions all taken from IHL database doc. See doc for full list, it became too long for me to quote the entire paragraphs.

GENEVA CONVENTION RELATIVE TO THE TREATMENT OF PRISONERS OF WAR OF 12 AUGUST 1949

Article 13: Humane treatment of prisoners

Prisoners of war must at all times be humanely treated. Any unlawful act or omission by the Detaining Power causing death or seriously endangering the health of a prisoner of war in its custody is prohibited, and will be regarded as a serious breach of the present Convention. In particular, no prisoner of war may be subjected to physical mutilation or to medical or scientific experiments of any kind which are not justified by the medical, dental or hospital treatment of the prisoner concerned and carried out in his interest. [...]

Article 16: Equality of treatment

Taking into consideration the provisions of the present Convention relating to rank and sex, and subject to any privileged treatment which may be accorded to them by reason of their state of health, age or professional qualifications, all prisoners of war shall be treated alike by the Detaining Power, without any adverse distinction based on race, nationality, religious belief or political opinions, or any other distinction founded on similar criteria.

Article 21: Restriction of liberty of movement

[...]Subject to the provisions of the present Convention relative to penal and disciplinary sanctions, prisoners of war may not be held in close confinement except where necessary to safeguard their health and then only during the continuation of the circumstances which make such confinement necessary. [...]

Article 22: Places and conditions of internment

Prisoners of war may be interned only in premises located on land and affording every guarantee of hygiene and healthfulness. Except in particular cases which are justified by the interest of the prisoners themselves, they shall not be interned in penitentiaries. Prisoners of war interned in unhealthy areas, or where the climate is injurious for them, shall be removed as soon as possible to a more favourable climate. [...]

Article 25: Quarters

Prisoners of war shall be quartered under conditions as favourable as those for the forces of the Detaining Power who are billeted in the same area. The said conditions shall make allowance for the habits and customs of the prisoners and shall in no case be prejudicial to their health. The foregoing provisions shall apply in particular to the dormitories of prisoners of war as regards both total surface and minimum cubic space, and the general installations, bedding and blankets. The premises provided for the use of prisoners of war individually or collectively, shall be entirely protected from dampness and adequately heated and lighted, in particular between dusk and lights out. All precautions must be taken against the danger of fire. [...][Note: I left this line in because Olenivka is another important instance where Russians violated the Geneva Convention]

Article 26: Food The basic daily food rations shall be sufficient in quantity, quality and variety to keep prisoners of war in good health and to prevent loss of weight or the development of nutritional deficiencies. Account shall also be taken of the habitual diet of the prisoners. The Detaining Power shall supply prisoners of war who work with such additional rations as are necessary for the labour on which they are employed. Sufficient drinking water shall be supplied to prisoners of war. The use of tobacco shall be permitted. [...]

Article 29: Hygeine

The Detaining Power shall be bound to take all sanitary measures necessary to ensure the cleanliness and healthfulness of camps, and to prevent epidemics. Prisoners of war shall have for their use, day and night, conveniences which conform to the rules of hygiene and are maintained in a constant state of cleanliness. In any camps in which women prisoners of war are accommodated, separate conveniences shall be provided for them. Also, apart from the baths and showers with which the camps shall be furnished, prisoners of war shall be provided with sufficient water and soap for their personal toilet and for washing their personal laundry; the necessary installations, facilities and time shall be granted them for that purpose.

Article 30: Medical attention Every camp shall have an adequate infirmary where prisoners of war may have the attention they require, as well as appropriate diet. Isolation wards shall, if necessary, be set aside for cases of contagious or mental disease.[...] Prisoners of war may not be prevented from presenting themselves to the medical authorities for examination. The detaining authorities shall, upon request, issue to every prisoner who has undergone treatment, an official certificate indicating the nature of his illness or injury, and the duration and kind of treatment received. A duplicate of this certificate shall be forwarded to the Central Prisoners of War Agency. [...]

Article 31: Medical inspections Medical inspections of prisoners of war shall be held at least once a month. They shall include the checking and the recording of the weight of each prisoner of war. Their purpose shall be, in particular, to supervise the general state of health, nutrition and cleanliness of prisoners and to detect contagious diseases, especially tuberculosis, malaria and venereal disease. For this purpose the most efficient methods available shall be employed, e.g. periodic mass miniature radiography for the early detection of tuberculosis.

Article 71: Correspondence Prisoners of war shall be allowed to send and receive letters and cards. If the Detaining Power deems it necessary to limit the number of letters and cards sent by each prisoner of war, the said number shall not be less than two letters and four cards monthly, exclusive of the capture cards provided for in Article 70, and conforming as closely as possible to the models annexed to the present Convention. Further limitations may be imposed only if the Protecting Power is satisfied that it would be in the interests of the prisoners of war concerned to do so owing to difficulties of translation caused by the Detaining Power’s inability to find sufficient qualified linguists to carry out the necessary censorship. If limitations must be placed on the correspondence addressed to prisoners of war, they may be ordered only by the Power on which the prisoners depend, possibly at the request of the Detaining Power. [...] As a general rule, the correspondence of prisoners of war shall be written in their native language. The Parties to the conflict may allow correspondence in other languages.

[nodadnochance]

Why my brother is an awful person.

I am childless. I am 29, 30 very soon. I am getting old!!! (i half joke, 30 is hardly old but it's not exactly young and naive anymore - or maybe i dunno, i am naive and just don't realize it, right?) My brother is mid to late 30s, probably around 36 or 37. He has 3 children. He has left them.

I think he is scum. Would it of been so hard for him to stick around for the next decade so his kids can become old enough to have had their development process happen with their dad in their lives? Physically.

He now is living back at home with my mum, he sees his kids 2-4 times a week. Which is more than a lot of kids have. But it still makes me angry. Why Angry? Why do I care what my brother does with his family? His kids? I care because it's the same fucking cycle.

Our dad left us, now he has done the same to them.

And now those kids are struggling.

Look, Im not saying itsall his fault. but its all his fault. Actually, it really was his fault. He cheated on his wife. then he had the gall to say "well she kicked me out". fuck you! You put the pressure on her to decide how to relationship goes so that you could blame her for breaking things up.

By contrast, my mother cheated on my father - but my mother has never blamed my father for leaving. She always says she is to blame and i say to her "no your not". I have yet to tell her "look, you stuck around. He didn't. Whether anyone cheated or not, is not really relevant to me as a child - I didn't care if anyone cheated. i just wanted my parents with me growing up"... i will tell her next time she eludes to this sentiment...

It makes me angry because I see how my neices and nephews are struggling to cope wit this big change. They are probably ages 8 tto around 13. Maybe bit younger. They are not enjoying this. I had my neices kicking and stamping on MY feet in the supermarket just before christmas 2023.... now, they were playing, just messing around - right? But think about it like this. I look like my brother, i sound like him, i am similar to him. Were they taking out aggression on their father through me? It's a possibility. They don't deserve to lose their dad just cos he wanted to go "have fun".

And now look. He is living back home with me and my mother. He is with his new girlfriend. He is playing in a band. He has a job he loves (he struggled to find this job). He is doing so well for himsefl! but hey, guess what - Your kids are not. They miss you. You absolute cretin.

When you have kids, you dont get to "have fun". You dont get to just fuck off with another women. When you have kids, you stick around and raise them. EVERY DAY. Every morning, evening evening and night time. Every weekend. All the time. They are your everything for that 18-20 year period. Once they are all grown up and on their way to move out (once they start having a plan for their 20s) THEN you can fuck off and go "be happy" Let me explain why I think like this. He wants to enjoy his late 30s and 40s right? sure. fine. We all deserve to be happy. But in exchange for his hpapiness now, he has doomed all three of his children to a life of abandonment. Or misery. of Feeling unloved and unwelcome on this earth. Why? Because the one person who should've stuck around, didn't. They wont care about his relationship with his wife. They wont care about the excuses. They wont listen and they wont care. What they care about is the love for them didn't win over his hatred for his wife or his inability to make things work.

this world is full of people who make excuses for their shitty decisions. And his excuse is "well she wanted me gone" so he can lay the blame on her becuase he cheated. In reality he is gone becuase he fucked another women when he had 3 kids at home.

I hope one day he can just admit to himself, if not his kids - that their childhood is ruined because of him.

It's what happened to me. And it's whats happening to them.

I don't truly have any ill intention or feeling towards my brother as a person. But my need to speak up for his kids, who probably are unable to process what is going on, triumphs. It's disgusting that they probably take decades to figure out why the feel so awful - just as it has been for me and all 3 of my brothers. We all feel it.This brother in question will deny how much it effected him - but it's clear as day. He is still suffering from the "being lied to" problem which i wrote about in my last post. He still thinks "well dad was kinda around, he did his best" and he still puts the feelings of our Dad and step mum before his own. He never has spoken about how it effected him. EVER. and by not speaking it meant he didn't understand and now he has done to them what happened to him,me and all my brothers.

If i said any of this to him, he'd defend my dad and step mum. He'd deny my feelings and say "you cannot feel that way, because if you feel that thne tat upsets dad" and so again, it'll be that my dads feelings and my stepmums feeling comes before mine. The story of my life since I was 6 years old.

I know I probably come across as very strident or aggressive here. but you must understand (if anyone is reading?). I have kept this all bottled up since a child. I've been through a lot of emotional suffering over the past 23 years. And it's all becoming clear to me why. and I need to write this stuff out as naturally as I can. It's time I started being honest with my feelings, right? And not being scared of being told off for hurting someone elses feelings.

I was lied to. Dad didn't "stick around". he left me. He doesn't give a shit. You could say he simply doesn't understand and is ignorant of the effect it had on me. but im sick and tired of making excuses for him. I am upset, angry and feel abandoned by him.

And every friend of mine that didn't have their dad, is like me. We all yhave the same fucking emotional problems, same fucked up drug dependancies, same feelings of fear and nnot feeling loved by anyone. My frined says he only feels love from his dogs. Which you could "well thats pretty normal". and if you say that, fuck you. He is a human and he has a heart of gold. He does feel loved, but it has to be re-inforced constantly for him to feel it. And when he gets in abusive relationships - he thinks he deserves that abusive relationshp. Why? Becuase when your dad leaves you when your young, it creates this deep rooted feeling of feeling unloved and worse - unlovable. IF you in your most infant state is not lovable, then you could never be lovable.

Being an adult and seeing how adults disregard the feelings of those who are too young to understand - kills me. It happened to me, i know what its like.

I am childless, so what do I know right? Well, what I know is that since I started being honest about how I feel about my Dad - my mental health "therapy" has made a lot of progress. I've learnt that the link between me and all my fked up friends is the no dad present. I've learnt the reason I gravitate towards bad guys, is I have no fucking dad.

In fact, I was reading about "this is england" earlier and it mentioned their something about how the character in the story, has no dad. And it's this lack of a father figure that leads people down these awful roads.

I watched so much fucked up shit over the past 10 years. Nothing illegal of course but just right wing crap. I never believed I was racist nor homophobic or anything - in fact, i found it all just funny. I never once agreed with the bigots - but I wanted to be around them (on podcats and such). I wanted to be part of that "thing". I wanted to belong. I wanted to be apart of something which wouldn't just abandoned me.

This is my life. It's my emotions.

I am not blaming anyone for my actions or what I've done just as I wouldn't give them credit for the good things I've done. However, my life is one where I never spoke about my feelings towards my Dad because of early childhood experiences where I was taught to not express myself or talk about how I feel. Where as my sister, who is my dads daughter - is always encouraged to talk about her feelings and how she feels.

So that is proof that HE HAS IT WITHIN HIM. but not for me.

I want to write the words. I hate him. I don't mean hate, but I don't know how else to express the dislike I have for how he has denied my emotions all my life. I don't want to hurt him, emotionally, but I want him to understand the hurt I feel. How the hell do I tell him the hurt I feel without accidently hurting him? That is the challenge I face.

Another thing I'm angry at my dad and step mum for is the way they turned me against my mum. They always talk so badly of her and they plaed on the fact I didn't ge ton with her fully. If I argued with her, they'd encouage me to move out and get away from her and suc hthings.

They didn't try to help heal my relationship with my mum, they stoked the flames all under the guise of being my friend.

That's my mum and my mum ALWAYS has had my back. from day 1 to today. I literally will hand her £100 rent (which is absolutely fuck all) and she'll hand me back £50. That's my mum. She is 1 in a million. and the fact they cant see how amazing she is, makes me well, i dont care actually - thats their loss. But it makes me angry they thought they could turn me against her.

it makes me angry they always talk about her in a negative light when im there. and they talk about her likes shes stupid or just too angry or unstable. They are nasty little bullies and i guess, sometimes, we buddy buddy up with bullies without realising it.

That women, my step mum, is a homewrecker. Plain and simple.

and it feels good to finally admit thats how i feel

I would never say these things to their face. As iI say, I do not want to hurt them (emotionally or ofc otherwise. violence is not my MO. I attacked 2 people n my life when I was a child and I was defending friends who were being bullied - i regret both instances as I felt embaressed for letting myself lose control)

/ I wouldn't want my dad nor step mum to be upset. But I'd love them to know how I feel.

I'd love my brother to know how it feels. He was a child too, he should know. But he just pretends like it doesn't effect him. I know he has feelings, his problem is he is a coward. But then so am I and so are all my brothers. We're all cowrads. Scared to tell our dad what he did to us fucked up us royally. He fucked off with another women to start a new family... and then his new child, my half-sister, has a life full of love, understanding and everything a child needs. They take interest in her life.

He nevre took interest in our life. In fact my mum had to force him to go to my college open evening and he was complaining the whole time. I wish he didn't come. I remember him getting in the car and saying something like "I bet ur mother said i dont care. right?" and made a joke about it... setting the tone for the evening that it's all about HIM and HIS feelings.

"fuck you" is what i should've said to him.

but i was scared.

maybe next time ill write about the time he attacked me. it only happened one time, but it was fucking terrifying.

[a-shade-of-blue]

New Vetted Gaza Fundraisers that reached out to me (18-19 November)

Mohammed Al-Allagta (@mohammedgaza90): Mohammed used to have his own businesses and he has 3 brothers. Their family farm was burned down by the occupation. Their parents suffer from chronic illnesses and they cannot provide medicine for them. He also has cats that he cannot properly provide for. (https://gofund.me/4e9f9ace) (#254 on @/gazavetters vetted list)

Alaa Alanqar (@averagegazan): Alaa and his wife Sahar have 2 children: Ayman (3) and Maram (6). Sahar is currently pregnant. Alaa used to be a translator. They are fundraising to buy basic necessities for the children and the baby. (https://gofund.me/aea8b1a0) (#252 on @/gazavetters vetted list) (€573 raised of €5K goal)

Reem Ashour (@reem-ashour, @reemashour525): Reem has 5 children. They are now displaced in the Mawasi Khan Yunis area. (https://gofund.me/2a39d250) (shared by 90-ghost) (€115 raised of €50K goal)

Motaz Mohamed (@motazmohammed): Motaz is 22 years old and is fundraising to evacuating himself and 20 family members. Their two houses have been destroyed and they are now displaced in tents. (https://gofund.me/35c4ad83) (shared by 90-ghost, shared by bilal-salah0)

Nasser Abu Akar (@nasserakar4, nasserakar): Nasser 23 years old. He is a nurse and he has 20 family members. HIs father Muhammad has been martyred. They are displaced and they wish to evacuate from Gaza. (https://www.gofundme.com/f/i-hope-to-help-my-family-get-out-of-the-war-and-buy-food) (vetted by association. Nasser is a friend of @/mohiy-gaza2 (shared by 90-ghost)) (€270 raised of €14K target)

Amany Ayyad (@amanyay556): Amany is 28 years old and is from a family of 10. She has 2 children and her husband is close to blindness. They have been displaced and are now living in a tent. They wish to evacuate from Gaza.  (https://gofund.me/c8f27457) (#284 on @/gazavetters vetted list)

Click here for my Google Doc with my complete masterlist of all the Palestinian gfm asks I've received

Info on how gfm campaigns vetted:  See here, here, here and here.

See post here for other verified ways to send aid to Gaza.

Daily Clicks on Arab.org. Every click made is registered in their system and generates donation from sponsors/advertisers.

See links below for my Masterlists of Vetted Fundraisers from the Palestinians who sent me asks for if you want to help more people! As well as resources for palestinian students if you are a palestinian student!

Masterlists of Vetted Fundraisers

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 13 - 25 July.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 26 -29 July.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 30 July - 1 August.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 2 - 5 August.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 6 - 10 August.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 11 - 14 August.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 15 - 18 August

Click here for my Masterlist for fundrasiers from 19 - 21 August

Click here for my Masterlist for fundrasiers from 22 - 24 August

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 25 - 28 August

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 29 August - 1 September

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 2 - 5 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 6-10 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 11-14 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 15-18 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 19-22 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 23-26 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 27-30 September.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 1-4 October.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 5-9 October.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 10-14 October.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 15-21 October.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 22-26 October.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 27 October - 2 November.

Click here for my Masterlist for fundraisers from 3-12 November.

Resources for Palestinian Students!

Initiatives and resources to support Palestinian students, academics and universities:

This is a list of initiatives and resources for Gazan students seeking to complete their studies, including initiatives, resources, training and scholarships. See list here.

Scholarships for Displaced Palestinian students:

Putting this here for the palestininans who follow me: If you are a displaced Palestinian student looking to fund your education, this document lists the scholarships available around the world for displaced Palestinian students.

[joesanimationblog]

Character Questions 1

1

What is your full name? Jen

How did your parents decide on your name? Im not sure, I was one of 7 and have a big family, i think it might have been the only name left

What’s your favourite colour? Green or orange

Where do you live? Im moving at the moment, I lived here in the oasis but each year it shrinks and my family move away. I dont know why its shrinking or where im going but I hope I can find a place to give my family a safe place to settle

Are you wealthy, poor or comfortable? Until recently we were comfortable, but as the oasis has shrunk weve had to spend longer and longer forraging. theres really no food here anymore.

What is your greatest fear? I am scared that the desert never ends. there used to be trees on the horizon but in the past few years theyve receeding. I cant tell if they are there anymore.

Do you have any medical problems, diseases, injuries? I have a bad leg, It makes it hard to move far away and thats why ive stayed in the oasis for so long, I thought it would get better but now i know its time to move on.

Are you religious? I believe in nature and though natures receeded back into the desert i still have hope that ill find it again

Do you have any pets? I have enough on my plate with my children

10.What is your biggest dream? A home where the grass is always green

11.What is your favourite food? Carrots

12.Are you in a relationship? I have a husband but he left on the turtle yesterday, me and the kids will be getting the next turtle behind him. He left before us because there wasnt enough space for us all to go together. I hope hes okay.

13.What did you study in school? I was never good at school but I enjoyed art

14.What is your job? Im an artist, but with things as they are its been hard to find people willing to trade for my paintings.

15.Are you political? I wish there were leaders here who could have made the oasis prosperous. It seems that people took all they could and left. My faith in the leaders is not what it once was since mayor jeffery left last year.

16.Who is your favourite person in the world? I love dolly parton, her music has helped me though some hard times.

17.Have you experienced death? When i injured my leg I almost died, I was attacked by a gang of frogs, they whipped me down and took everything i had. If it werent for The Fox I would have been toast

18.What is your favorite book? I like Alice in wonderland, I sometimes wish a small girl would lead me to a hole to a new world too.

19.What do you hate? I hate that there are people who take from the land without giving back, then they move on to the next place to exploit

20.What do you love? Community. Its the only thing which has kept us safe all these years.

21.What makes you angry? I am angry at the tubes, since they appeared its been down hill as they drained the life from our community.

22.What do you do on Sundays? I read, paint and listen to dolly parton. but to be honest its been hard to find time in the past few years with my young children, I spend time with them in the hovel

23.Do you lie? Not often, sometimes i embelish stories.

24.Are you violent? Absolutely not.

25.Are you an introvert or an extrovert? I consider myself a quiet extrovert.

26.Who would you lay down your life for? My kids.

27.If you could describe yourself in one sentence, what would you say? Im a simple mother looking to make the best of their situation for their children, looking for a place to listen to dolly parton.

28.If your (best friend, wife, daughter, partner, boss, neighbor etc.) were to describe you in one sentence, what do you think he/she would say? Im not sure, i guess theyd say im kind of boring but that im reliable.

29.What do you think is the meaning of life? To look out for one another.

30.What is your biggest misbelief about yourself? I am always optimistic and always think i can do more than i can.

31.What is your worst habit? I smoke, i dont know why i started but it was when i was younger. i guess I was trying to rebel about my instincts.

32.What is your best quality? I always do my best.

What would your character say if they were offered their dream job? If it meant they could support their family then absolutely yes.

What would your character say if their house was on fire? Oh god my house is on fire.

What would your character say after a proposal of marriage they are married.

2

[libidomechanica]

Tway this

A tricube sequence

               1

How rich came from the God Bacchus’ pards—

and what foil’d thee! These and the wine of

your iris tightens mechanically.

               2

Like to approach, O Spring, but the

corn is the young, and true’ is always

does. And a Sigh is this: the red with.

               3

Behold two Adons dead! For Winter

would say, Lo! And lay up; and nothing

itself hath wrought the witch’s life is dide.

               4

Moved is like she things a great wrong, have

spoken the loves. This ill presage advis’d;

thou will you to read the sentine?

               5

And the river state! Let the thicket?

Or like a part beside, keep still cold

frae nane, i’ll make their caps; you are seene.

               6

And Phyllis be, you a cream here’s

no belt and as a tunnel. How did

impute, which wanteth toward Damascus.

               7

My vineyards; but twenty hundred their

pettish deceiver? Bitter but a

football thy soften a man in prose.

               8

Whither in thine this due; my spite till

you to the world accountenanced

lady bug within the gleaming flats.

               9

My beloved! Tune thy mouth like the

bliss thou will forgive. My youthful, charming

Chloe. Meg. To unperplex bliss!

               10

But night! Was once he did banish’d, the

sun, and I bursts sixteen years and last,

with no create Ideas in force.

               11

She was the startled little wood are

bad. Imperious were not what, that

Love life, am I say you love is.

               12

Come and probably didn’t want to my sin

and never that he feeds, and blind eyes

of A Love you found the air. The taste.

               13

I am clad in flight, till the cry.

Lurks in these are threescore valiant of

your more gashes and thy starry night.

               14

‘It shall we? Upon their requiring.

Absences, beauties ending no

causeless and diamond: a gold beget?

               15

These words to proof, that thou know before

it should restless verdure story stays

blank indifference. Green with grac’d to write!

               16

Else, suffer’d, it wit that could make a

wife of the sea wand’ring in, disturbed

mind, taking so enrag’d, desire.

               17

To mar the hair of this prey. Do ow;

and my breast. She things was an infinitely

distance remain with loathsome.

               18

There birds such, and nostrils, and set his

face excell’d, and more wayside that is

the blue stone. Yours is the mountains lie.

               19

Gentle Hermes thence breaketh his foes

pursed, the latest time, for thou are seen

me get the lilies. Wreath, till with love.

               20

To passion’s bright, that words she doth them

were unlock’d to standing thus, Ah, Lycius!

Aristocrat— one who frown, O!

               21

Rise up, my mouth when thicket? Weigh the

dire imagination with little

hour whenas I met her lilies.

               22

And yet nought doe meet you went about

you. Dead, by a charms, the Eyes take turn’d

in the fatigue is black as a shell.

               23

Just as lonely as a tunnel. The

one I ate? Resting in this shady

bright longs not for everything back wing.

               24

Some music now? In things grow stiff and

doth make most curious were flower

in the rain, but the man love will leaves.

               25

Into him, with yours. Hee will I could

not wrong whence our lips, and Winter is

the wrong, his brackish waues be glutted.

               26

These lips well as much be Rome and there

remaineth in her? Or, like a young

women young, the hills, whereon the left.

               27

Lord, what we may say, like green she wept

the salt tears in his eyes on your hair.

I never feet. If she sees with tears!

               28

Fair Hermes on mine ear that, as we

do. So I, as I am, first bud?

How beauteous combat, wilful and Meg.

               29

And names, when in dream, while I hard-

believing latch; weeded by the timorous

she. Which is dumb and brake she loves.

               30

And I am not in lust. They wither

or late on the mind at ease. Ceasing

beat upon fold of hueless cup.

               31

Fair fee, he lyes in eyes? With what

prodigies, wherein the windows fleetings

and lover doves the air and having.

               32

On water was she strings her mishanter

fa’ me, if thou being sod; they

are sold to nothing? A flock of brasse.

               33

An odour mother bosom it shall

still-kept course to my tomb; or, like a

shade—for pitying world so glories.

               34

Where dead on the resoundeth! Hath caught

aymes at her lip? Which is inseparate

from heavenly moist hand hills.

               35

Then woo’d, as Senses sore ills, and as

the Nereids fair not the same as

pitying men. Healthy as tragedy.

               36

And art thou inviting fire sprinkled

curtains of great delight. By this for

of moss, with cold woman’s compared well.

               37

Then shall stain her lawny continue.

Thou beauty lies; being time. Lest sight

blow its winding tears once doth again.

               38

Or then yong, his unkind breath, I did

not shields at last. Lowering wings to

the lions’ dens, the nymph mighty men.

               39

It was thine oath to see with a leather

force. In thou with him. Lusty could

not so much care, her cheek, his unkind!

               40

His passions of life.—If I should sleeps.

Within, while my soul love’s fire than you

have we below, mild as a tunnel.

               41

And sires, which thou smooth thee their words she

now for him. And I lose myself being

red she told there is not reprove?

               42

Parting through mine ear that, your bosom

of a turmoil of shame; she push’d

momentary, wayworn wander fair God!

               43

Cease, thou wonder whose sharp fangs one! Lord,

what great wrong. And the hot scent-snuffing

out of. Alight long I could they say.

               44

Like disconsolate th’ Anatomie

of each passing is so farre from

wealthy as thou hast doves or old man?

               45

If love’s gain, reaching dew? Kneeling they

do not grieves. Feeds her a perfume, her

joy. Thus, to roam over thigh to knows?

               46

Thus was, whose vulture to bathes and to

belie—even so sure: what thou told’st

the drops of the moonless them again.

               47

The merchange my sisters as she by

thy beloved is grown, and life she

move: so thou to melt. Will give a rope.

               48

When others’ temple be dead! These blue

stony bed. Had he the fair ladies,

by Loue conquest on their hearts doth sport.

               49

I can content to her; and radiant

eyes, whose voice is in praying. Venus

salutes him farewells. This flying time.

               50

Of the wide world in those bodies and

fro on which he deny it! And doing

me. And dregs of a continent.

               51

For shame; she in height, and my break. ’St

creature: and a few hours all trees or

roses found, what can giue th’eternal.

               52

Of sorts of the turn’d to rate the mountain

of gain, and forever lodging

in the boar. And it will, thou are one.

               53

I hid my love—does a like not with

hear; all ornament, her ere light. More

beauty in the basest brought thy mouth.

               54

She marched for curb or prickles, yet commands

mine: he fell upon thy powre dicerne.

Here is as Lebanon, my spouse!

               55

Blue. When God commander; then from her

bloody earth can freedome gladly spent!

Such sanity will no more nearly.

               56

Need not see, thou talk? Comparing my

sweet heavenly tune, have any jot

diminish’d, or there you want to mee.

               57

My family’s voice in a traded

like a part besides must bid farewell,

hear, Eadwacer? I haue most just yours.

               58

You do it for this is rare occurrence.

And look! If those to love to higher

that gentle Hermes, let me in.

               59

Exceeds commission: I probably good

dealing? Them with such please of the Feild,

I saye as sunny hair like Good-bye.

               60

I am becomes near the flock of

the bench of Death! His love a small lady

bug with spicy chocolates tempers?

               61

Of civilization could exceed

their light. Danger ashy- pale; she were

dumb? The silly mind that burns by night.

               62

Thy two alone stands and put under

mines! Till those circumstance best becomes

the chariots. When thou say or long.

               63

Ay, Love’s eyes and mirrors. Love; behold

hand oft as sound. A mind that she went

in a Prayer, or the Sun did reed.

               64

Sick, she is. The new-sprung flock that had

my fingertips, the altar where his

cheeks, she is even what I passeth.

               65

Thus again, each other is not bear

it. My loves, in love’s gain, or hope nor

my sight of Platonic for pitty?

               66

Bid good smell the game. Ah God shield, his

youth: the simple semblance he did lend

there withstanding grave never open.

               67

Suffice and eke the eastern isle, which

hand his right her face! Even if it

be nay, friend where she finger’d Muses!

               68

The pierce one another, thou were game.

Her brazen proue her pride, and like a

red-ribb’d ledges drip within the dead!

               69

Tho’ father. Ilk spring, chiefly in

her arms infold him not. One day there

herself whilst I sing isn’t deny it.

               70

Never sheath’d unaware hath dropping

safety in her beloved! Those up

the could my love is shell fish to war.

               71

And, like Dante I would singing madness,

and brings, streams. But this Arbour makes

the merciless Tyrant fled; the speak.

               72

Either head, dumbly at your house are

stood, and near Mercer St I probably

left? Or thee; and let me here alone.

               73

Give it the fling his flown? Doubt there’d

been nothing to render, making of

the blood; make glad sighes might nowhere.

               74

Lest she wild sparkles diuiding. Lamia:

tell me, O eyes, I never serpent

now is turn’d to the rushes spread.

               75

Or we could my mother’s body who

should yet too coldly him embracing,

lowers face, his fair in the water.

               76

While I thee in this year: thoughts in love,

untill those precedent of Israel.

First the sweet Stellas selfe forgive me.

               77

The taste thy mermaid’s voice, such foul flaws

to hast heavy heart which thee. So in

the bottom the night do burn my faint?

               78

Of syphilitic senses all me

only words. To earth’s fair discouer when

thou to forsake you! Stars; snare of all.

               79

Her secret name I would sing Euphelia

frowns with lilies. In acrylic

fur. When you didst name in the shutting.

               80

And change, o yearning brows o’er the spring

sport; both with a thousand double

wrong; being the petal tide in it.

               81

Like their frail of her bestead, which to

thee to breeds by her preserve. Till he

please let my pass o’er, then from Gilead.

               82

The reason is like their blossoms blown.

In a brake off his effects, yet his

pence, her face; and brakes obscurity?

               83

Or being bitter spring, senses?

And when he been prow in port Cenchreas,

from his horses in a ready earth.

               84

He lyes in the same, else laws of the

mean. What it was you them: and, have not

seem’d to scold me. Caught me in a crowd?

               85

From the neighbor knows no pity do

now, proving Harbour, yet is thy delight.

In a sunny hair, thy rigour.

               86

Adonis within thy lips obey:

stay! And vouches unto itself at

ever straight, there hung a star in love.

               87

Maud could place she dark night. Is it heaven’s

day with the can see, nor know this

harmed in a bell evening disaster.

               88

With oaths, fair; thou meant thou can praise beside.

Look, when you look she tunes her language

bring paints not in their requiring.

               89

And they, as here, plagues, and his neck, her

hair; lure of his mood?—Truth bepainter

is, then did spight us, in pleasure.

[coochiequeens]

Ladies, if someone calls you selfish for taking care of yourself flip the script and ask them “isn’t it selfish to ask me to take on more when I already feel so burnt out?”

After working too hard for years, I got cancer. The experience taught me that taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish. It’s the best thing for us and the people around us.

You’re being selfish.

That is the insult that is often used to deter women from taking care of themselves. Women are usuallyexpected to nurture others and not themselves.

But what if women are giving too much? What if this imbalance is creating ailments, illnesses, and mental health issues that are creating a generation of women who are sick and tired of being sick and tired?

In 2018, I was working as a psychotherapist in private practice, seeing clients who were sharing their most traumatic moments and heartaches with me six days a week, often until 9:30 p.m. The long days, emotional load, and burden of having to be their life raft were overwhelming in themselves, but then I also had to start and end my days as a wife and mother to two very young children.

The seeds of my burnout were planted long before then. During grad school, I developed an aggressive case of shingles, an illness that is mostly seen in older people with a weakened immune system; researchers believe that shingles can also be caused by intense levels of stress. A few years later, I suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of both of my children, as I had no maternity leave and a caseload of clients who needed me to come back to work before I was physically and emotionally ready.

But I kept going, battling brain fog, the constant feeling of being overwhelmed, and a mix of depression and anxiety that lasted for years. I told myself I had to, no matter how exhausted I was, because being selfless is what women are supposed to do.

Then, in 2018, at 29 years old, with two small children at home, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I was completely blindsided.

My care team consisted of some of the best doctors in the Philadelphia area, and thankfully I made a full recovery. But the experience shook me and forced me to reexamine my life and my choices. I realized that if I didn’t ever put myself first, my health would suffer. I realized I needed to start being selfish.

And I’m asking every woman to join me.

The need is urgent. Since the pandemic started, women have taken on even more roles than they had before. We’ve seen women juggling full-time careers, teaching responsibilities, housekeeping duties, and mental load-bearing in ways that we might not have been able to fathom just a few short years ago. And, of course, they are expected to do so with a smile.

We are taught to be selfless, and our mental and physical health is suffering because of this.

I believe that women need to prioritize moments of selfishness and rewrite the narrative of gender roles and expectations. If we can incentivize women to be selfish in the same ways that we do so with men (who get ample time for watching sports, or playing video games, or doing some “male-bonding”), we will likely see a multitude of positive results, including decreased rates of physical and mental health issues amongst women. And when we’re happier and healthier, so, too, will be the people around us. (See? You can even argue that it’s selfless to be selfish sometimes.)

This type of “self-care” will look different to everyone. It may be asking for more leave from work, setting boundaries by saying no to more things, renegotiating who does what with your partner to try and even out the household workload, or scheduling a night out with friends. It means prioritizing your needs and the things you want, whatever they are, in an effort to feel more balanced.

This Labor Day, let’s send the women in our lives an “anti-Labor Day” message — tell them to be a little selfish, and put themselves first.

Danielle Massi is the CEO of The Wellness Collective, a holistic healing space in Philadelphia, and the founder of the SELF(ISH)philly Conference.

[tinyidle]

I posted 980 times in 2022

That's 669 more posts than 2021!

810 posts created (83%)

170 posts reblogged (17%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tinyidle

@/dailykoreanpop

@/multifanbisexual

I tagged 784 of my posts in 2022

Only 20% of my posts had no tags

#gidle smut - 177 posts

#ateez smut - 123 posts

#kpop smut - 113 posts

#moot moot - 105 posts

#gidle - 105 posts

#ilysm - 82 posts

#twice smut - 77 posts

#ateez - 74 posts

#gidle suggestive - 60 posts

#에이티즈 - 42 posts

Longest Tag: 91 characters

#my probably only time ill ever tag the first ever boy group ive ever stanned here (bts) lol

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

hongjoong heard someone scream thinking it was them barking and

barked

back

man even said he liked that 😭😭

joong if you need a dog-

286 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

#4

officehusband! mingi treating his needy pregnant wife

hear me out cuz i had this in my head for a week but it finally wants to fully come out in an imagine format

(nsfw ahead; warning: pregnancy s*x)

you are in the middle of your term with your child, and you look rather big. not fat, but round in your stomach because of the life you're carrying. you usually would be working but are on maternity leave for your mental health, meaning your husband and partner and long-life friend mingi would be taking extra shifts here and there in the office for some extra "baby cash", despite you guys getting a lot from the baby shower.

one day you were in heat that you couldn't fix since your stomach was too big. you waited until mingi came home at 7 (which is rather early since he takes extra shift hours on fridays) to tell him what you need. he confesses that he went home early because of the same thing.

and here you are now. his arm around your stomach which he spooned you from behind, thrusting his lengthy cock at a languid yet sensual pace, frequently alternating between kissing your cheekbone and your shoulder. all while you just moan and take it, feeling sensitive. and when he angles just right and you start feeling stars, you cum on the spot, clenching onto him dangerously. he carefully pulls out before instantly cumming on your inner thigh.

being a gentleman, of course he helps put you and he in a romantic bubble bath, making sure to wash you with care. dries you with a fluffy towel, dresses you in a different pair of maternity pjs while wears an undershirt and some boxers, and lays you down on the bed with a kiss. he'd probably kiss you to sleep while thanking you for being his life long partner and mother to his growing child, all while you smile yourself to sleep.

... im in love with this office look on mingi omg

tag: @rap1inewhore

386 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

#3

i want jongho to fuck me so hard i scream and cry but that's impossible and unfair

it only is if you dont ask him before.

imagine this (nsfw ahead; detailed desc themes of bdsm- the dominance, submissiveness, masochism parts; mentions of marking, dacriphyllia, breeding and heavy trust. remember boundaries in anything bdsm and heavy kink-related!)

he never wants to inflict actual pain unless you beg him and show that you trust him. and this will take months to about a year or two of being together.

when he's realized that you won't let up, and that you trust him with your body, jongho'd give you a loving kiss and immediately give you a shared safe word. 'shared' because if he feels like he's hurting you or wants to stop himself he'll blurt it out.

after you nodded in agreement, he would instantly smile and kiss you with more fervor, more roughness. little did you know that this was a mere taste of what was yet to come.

you almost regret your decision tbh. he still gave you chances to rest or stop completely, but each time you insisted on continuing. and with each permissive head motion or vocal hum he'd go harder than before.

before the actual sex happened, your neck, thighs and ass were decorated in medium-dark red marks; not hard to recover from but felt warm to the touch. your cunt was constantly gushing out it's own lubricant after it's had orgasm after orgasm from jongho's skilled lips and tongue, your clit and outer lips feeling slightly sensitive and a small throbbing sting.

finally inside, he goes hard on you. face down, ass up and gripped hard by his huge hands. he pounds into you so hard that tears are forced out of your ducts. you're screaming "jongho! JJONG, FUCK!" before sobbing from your cervix being repeatedly being rammed against.

jongho would pull out of you before turning you around and lifting your legs to your chest; head if you're flexible enough. he feels your legs shaking yet he orders you to hold them while he pushes he still hard length in your now reddened core, yourself somehow clenching unto him although you're visibly tired. apparently your libido isnt.

he doesnt gain a steady rhythm before you cry out in pleasure and pain and slight fatigue. jongho would probably look at your teared-stained cheeks before kissing your entire face and lightly biting your cheeks and nose, a huge contrast from him destroying your lower half.

when he comes inside you, you might as well consider yourself pregnant with how much he unloaded in you. you worked him up so much throughout the past months/two years of dating that all his pent-up sexual frustration emptied inside of you. when he pulls out of you, he acts like his usual caring self, scared of breaking you as you appeared to be in deep subspace.

but you never felt better. yes your core almost felt like it was on fire, leaking your boyfriend's seed; your legs felt nearly numb; and you couldnt stop mumbling and babbling 'daddy' and 'so much'; but once jongho gently lifted you up and gave you a quick, warm bath with him and helped you put on pjs and put on your favorite movie, you slowly got out of your heavy subspace.

"you did so well," jongho praised. he'd rub your shoulders while pulling up your leg and arm sleeves to rub aloe vera on your bruises to ensure that they heal fast. you'd smile and gave him a lazy kiss before falling into a deep sleep.

depending on how high your pain tolerance is you guys might do this type of sex every time you guys get that intimate with each other

389 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

#2

Why do I have this nagging thought that Seonghwa would be into CNC?

I feel he would love the feeling of just taking someone and using them for his pleasure.

You would wear a ring or a necklace to indicate when a scene can occur.

How do you think he would it?

now we're getting somewhere !

i remember saying that i dont mind dabbling into cnc (especially since a lot of writers dont know how or dont want to do it), and now i finally get my chance to write about it

i wrote a mini fic for this but it got deleted because of me closing too many tabs so maybe later ill put this in a something im working on

anywho- (nsfw; warning: rough s*x, consenual non-consensual, implications of heavy trust) [make sure that with anything bdsm or harsh kink-related that you guys know boundaries !!]

he would be so caring when you agreed to his dirty little depravity of a kink. the thought of him using you however he wanted made you want him to take you all the time, soon causing you to wear the necklace he gave you nearly every day. it's only when you looked the most relaxed when he went in front of you and pushed your face to his growing buldge when you realized what he meant by "being his cockslut".

fucking your face until you can barely breathe through your nose, slapping every inch of skin til you had hand streaks all over, fingering you until you pushed his hand away twice.

and when he pushes his fat, hardened length into your abused cunt, you'd scream a voiceless scream; pleasurable pain coursing through your thighs and core. and no way would he stop until he's cum at least twice. that means you cum about five times over and over.

he knows you could've taken off your necklace to indicate that you wanted to simply rest, to breathe out the safe word when it got too much, to dodge his actions before they even started. yet you stayed and took all he had to offer you because you matched his sex drive at the moment.

at the end he'd treat you so well and massage your shaky legs, mouth sucking on your boobs the way you liked, and giving you constant praises of how good you are to him.

omg

439 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Swim!teez Being Cocky During Sex

i had a pm sent to me about the pics i sent about ateez swimming. since im not good at summarizing what they said, ill paraphrase it the best way i can here:

[all of ateez are crazy] omg I feel like this feeds into this I have that they are all a bit cocky (in a hot way), especially during sex and I'd love to hear your thoughts on that

so here i am, going to do just that. leggo~

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

tags: @rap1inewhore , @thequarries

WARNING: descriptive smut, based off irl, cockiness (ofc), c*ck lol (penetrative sex), swim!teez (6/8 of the members), fem reader, dom!ateez, sub!reader, fiction ofc

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seonghwa - cocky tease

my boy before sending these swim pics said he wore a swim shirt, but after he sent them said he was teasing atiny. this to me confirms that hwa is just like that in the sheets. holding your hips down as his long-ass tongue swirls around your breasts and inner thighs, refusing to touch you where you need him until he sees that you're on the verge of tears. same thing when he fucks your breasts and thighs, tapping his head on your clit while leaving you squirming. but once his tongue or cock enters your cavern, prepare to be shuddering from the immense amount of pleasure as he takes you to cloud nine about nine times.

yunho - cockiness that is small yet powerful

See the full post

724 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

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