#my whole thought process here doesn’t make me happy that I care about something on this level

[mokacheer]

Do you guys actually enjoy my content and the things I reblog?

Feeling quite “rot away from all responsibilities online and in real life because I’ve been in a constant state of overthinking everything I do and say” lately

[chimielie]

ghost in the machine

summary: Matsukawa x F!Reader. sometimes two people love each other very much. sometimes they do terrible things to each other.

word count: 1k

cw: cheating, extremely toxic relationship, no one here is likable, breakup, no happy ending

a/n: my bad i was going through something. sorry to the seijoh community. enjoy?

Issei meets you at the train station. It's dry now, but it was raining earlier—his hair is sticking to his face, curling even more than usual in the humidity. He doesn't "believe" in using umbrellas, whatever that means, or in standing beneath the rain shelter, apparently.

"Hey," you say, affecting nonchalance. The look on his face is familiar to you, signalling further storms ahead. You put your hands in his and press your mouth into a little frown. "What's wrong?

"Don't act cute," he says, glancing away, but he doesn't take his hands out of your hold. "This is—hard enough."

Issei does this thing, when he's mad at you, taking longer and longer pauses as he speaks. Leaves you hanging and still chooses all the wrong words.

"Issei, what happened?" You say. You look around, but there's no one else at the station: it's a dismal day, and his workplace is out of the way of pretty much all other human life. Fitting.

He rubs a thumb over yours, slow, pensive.

"I'm just gonna rip the band-aid off," he says, and you almost snort. There's been nothing quick about this process. "I think we should stop seeing each other."

"Another break?" You ask, trying to keep your voice light. "So you can fuck your new building receptionist?"

That's not light. Oops.

"How do you—whatever. No. That's not it. Don't be like that."

"It's what it was last time," you say, frustrated. "And Makki mentioned that he thought she was hot, which means you think she is."

"I don't, and that's not even the point," he sighs. "See, this is what I mean."

"You do," you insist. "But what is your point?"

"My point," he grits, thumb rubbing harder, strong fingers digging into your flesh so hard it almost hurts. "Is that we need to end this. Not a break. We need to break up."

"No," you say, blinking away tears. "I thought we were working on things. I thought we were better."

He pauses again. You let yourself fill up with big, stupid hope, leaning a little closer to him. All you want is one of his hugs, warm and solid and loving. Love me, you want to sob, you don't love me?

You don't, because you would be proving his point. You don't want to guilt him. You don't want to hurt him. You feel nauseous. The whole world is wrong, everything is going wrong.

He doesn’t give you what you need.

"I feel sick," he echoes your thoughts. "All the time. What we're doing to each other—I care about you, I want you to be happy. We—I don't make you happy."

"You do," you plead. "No one else makes me happy like you."

"But that's, like, five percent of the time," he says, jerking you a little closer. You know it's subconscious and it makes you emit a little noise, soft, one you don't want him to hear. "The rest of the time we, we fight, and we get petty, and we act like kids. It's not what it should be."

"I don't care what it should be," you flash. "I don't want whatever it should be. I want this. I think it's worth it. I want to fight for it."

"Well, I don't!" His eyes are burning. You think there's something shimmering in his waterline. "I'm tired. It's—you jerk me around like bait, on a string. I am tired of taking breaks, and getting back at each other, and—"

"I jerk you around?" You say. "Issei, you suggested the first break, you slept with—"

"I know what I did," his voice sounds defeated even as you can hear the underlying anger—deeper, the underlying hurt. "That's what I'm saying, we're damaged, I really don't care whose fault it is."

"Except you clearly think it's mine," you argue. It’s fucked up, that this is what fighting for your love means; how twisted has your knight-and-princess story become?

“Shut up! Just stop—just stop talking for a second.” You press your fingers tentatively to the right corner of his temple and rub small circles into the skin, knowing that’s where he gets headaches from grinding his jaw when you’re driving him crazy. He lets you for a moment, then shakes his head, bats you away. “You shouldn’t let me talk to you like that.”

“I won’t,” you say. “You won’t talk to me like that anymore.”

“That’s so fucked up,” he chokes out a laugh. His dark eyes crease so prettily when he does. “Don’t do that. With the next guy—”

“There’s no next guy!” You yelp, fingers flexing, not sure what to hold on to. If he’s letting go of his jealousy—the world tilts dizzily. He used to tell you, face in a lazy cat smile, body warm and heavy atop yours, that you’d find your next boyfriends on his mortuary table. “What, Issei, there’s not gonna be anyone else ever.”

His lips twist into a sardonic smile. He lets go of you, his hands shaking like he’s just been shocked, cartoon-style, electricity working its way through his body. You reach for him and he shoves his hands in his pockets, lets you stumble over your feet.

“I know you slept with Makki,” Issei says grimly. You stop in your tracks.

“Oh.”

“Oh,” he agreed. “Yeah.”

There’s not a lot to say to that. It doesn’t matter that it was during the worst breakup, a year ago, that it was because you’d seen him kissing one of your friends at a party. It doesn’t matter that it had been a mistake.

“I’m sorry,” you say, and the tears are rolling down your face again. Or it’s started raining. Both. “I’m so sorry. I know.”

There’s an awful screech when the train arrives—his train, going deeper into the country. Yours, back to the city, is due in eight minutes. You can’t stop anything from leaving this station.

“It’s okay. It’s like you said,” he puts his hands on his shoulders, presses a lingering kiss to your forehead, his lips wet with cold rainwater. When did it start pouring? “He thought she was hot, so so did I. I love you, so so did he.”

[buoyantsaturn]

read my friends' fics from 2024 or else

The Father Dilemma by ember @gatesofember from the wild west au series

A year after deciding to stay permanently, Nico di Angelo has long since settled into Ladon Creek. He has two bothersome but loyal housemates, a caring community of friends, and a loving partner. His days have never been so peaceful and he never thought he’d feel so happy. But his calm, blissful life is thrown into disarray when he learns some truly sinister news: Will’s father is coming to visit. [T, 6,841, 2/7]

FAR GALAXIES by rosy @rosyredlipstick

She didn’t answer. Instead, she pulled out her PADD from her coat, slow enough that Nico only slightly twitched. Jason’s transmission was loaded up on the screen—at the bottom, their signature tag was spelled out. “Guardians of the Galaxy. That supposed to be a joke?” “More like an aspiration,” Jason said. - Space, the final frontier. Or whatever. [E, 365,994, 14/14]

three-in-one soap by emi @thelordofshrimp

Austin glared at his sister. “Will can’t lie, genius. He says that since he became head counselor, any shower that lasts more than three minutes gets interrupted by someone needing his help.” “That’s… crazy.” Nico considered the number of showers he’d taken even in his short time at camp and imagined if even half of them had been interrupted. “It is,” Jerry agreed. “Not like there’s much we can do about it, though.” “You can always do something about it.” Nico sat up. “There has to be something.” “Not unless you can somehow keep the whole camp safe at once.” [G, 5,798, 4/4]

I wanna make you mine, but that's hard to say by ethan @ethannku

Rather than dignifying Will’s likely insult with a response, Nico took another deep inhale, then tipped his head back to blow the smoke straight up into the air. When he tipped his head to the side, he found that Will was still watching him, his eyes cast low, maybe to Nico’s shoulders or neck or mouth-- [T, 8,615]

kiss with a fist is better than none by lori @sunflowersandscreams

Well, if he wanted to play it like that, then Will would meet him halfway. “I meant it. What I said earlier. I would have liked to make peace so we can get over this whole… whatever, but you just had to be an asshole, so never mind, I guess.” Nico looked at him, bored, a distinct lack of an expression on his face. “You think I’d really believe that? That you’d be so courteous, so kind, as to- what, ‘use your hand as an olive branch’? I’m not naïve, Solace.” “I wasn’t saying that you- it’s not like-” Will bit his tongue. “You don’t wanna be nice to each other? Fine. I don’t care. It’s not like it would change much, or that we could change much, at this point.” “Your guilt tripping isn’t going to affect me.” Nico tilted his chin up, angry now. “Maybe I’m fine with being like this? Or maybe it just doesn’t matter as much as you seem to think it does.” ~ Nico and Will have been rivals slash sworn enemies since the beginning of high school, when they both joined the orchestra. Things change, for better or worse. [T, 62,457, 6/8]

Does This Still Count as Solangelo Week if It's July by alfie @lordstormageddidnt

Will likes cuddling with Nico in his sleep. Nico likes cuddling with Will. But Nico does not like waking up in a pool of sweat because his boyfriend is half-sun-god, half-space-heater. [G, 1,232]

never a clean break (no one here to save me) by katherine @yrbeecharmer from the exes au series

It’s been a year and a half since Aphrodite’s shitshow, since they finally processed the things they never had and agreed to move on, and how many times has Will made it clear they’re fine now? Not that they really talk about it in so many words anymore, but that’s because they shouldn’t have to. They’re friends. Not close ones, but friends. And Nico has a boyfriend. So why on earth is he calling Will, right now, to do this? [M, 12,444]

a sweet tooth for you series by becca @thebhorror

Nico works in a bakery and is determined to make Will fall in love with him his baked goods [G, 23,447]

& if you stay too long it will kill you marble @marbleheavy

As he looked up and stared at the sky, his thoughts seemed to fall through the grates of the fire escape. He could pretend that the flickering light from the planes passing by were stars if he didn’t think too much about it. As if the light pollution hadn’t swallowed the whole of his visible universe. He took a drag from the cigarette and sighed, dropping his gaze back ahead. [T, 1,232]

bulls and blood by allison @rainnows

Cowboys were not Nico’s type. At least, that’s what he’d been telling himself for the better part of two hours, propped up as he was against a fence bordering the arena, where he definitely wasn’t allowed to be, photographer’s pass around his neck or not. [T, 1,213]

[maxdibert]

Hi again! So I was just wondering a little bit about your opinion on Harry, since I want to see what might be the more questionable traits from him so I keep it in mind for something I've been writing...

If you've already done a post about it, you can link me to that as well so I can see your perspective on this.

Thank you! :)

Honestly, Harry is a character I don’t think about much because, as a protagonist, he seems pretty boring to me. I think Rowling, in her immense wisdom filled with genre clichés, made him the perfect average male teenager who personally doesn’t annoy me but whom I couldn’t care less about. He’s not an attention-seeking nuisance like his father or the Weasley twins, but he’s the type who, if he’s not risking his life, is thinking about trivial things like Quidditch—whatever.

My main issue with Harry is the same one I have with all of Rowling’s well-developed characters: instead of letting the character grow and develop naturally, she projects all her intentions, prejudices, and worldview onto him. She doesn’t adapt the story to the character’s personality; she adapts the character’s personality to the story. This results in Harry, for example, conveniently and casually passing absolute moral judgment on any character Rowling wants us to view as monstrous, without giving it a second thought. Meanwhile, he overlooks all kinds of terrible behavior from characters Rowling constantly wants to praise.

For example, in Prisoner of Azkaban, Sirius attacks and seriously injures Ron, but this is completely brushed aside once Harry learns Sirius isn’t the ultimate villain he was told he was. Harry doesn’t even register it afterward. He also shrugs off the fact that Lupin acts like a total jerk in the later books. And as much as I love Severus, Harry naming his son after him still makes me cringe. The common denominator here is that Rowling wants us to understand that these characters are good or at least positive, and Harry’s actions move the narrative in a way that forces us as readers to view them favorably, without questioning anything—just as Harry does. But if we do question things, we end up questioning how Harry processes his traumas in such a bizarre and convenient way for Rowling’s intentions, which makes absolutely no sense.

I get that Harry is the means through which we experience the world, the plot, and Rowling’s intended story, but that’s the case with all protagonists or first-person narrators. That doesn’t necessarily mean the main character has to feel like some sort of NPC waiting for the author’s next plot demand. Honestly, the whole thing about Harry suddenly waking up two books before the series ends and realizing that Ginny Weasley is the perfect girl because she’s hot but also a tomboy who matches what he likes in life (sports, watching people play pranks, and not crying over silly things like a good “bro-girl”) is absolutely ridiculous. It feels like Rowling is mocking the reader.

Ginny isn’t someone who just appeared in his life and left him fascinated (which would’ve made sense); she’s someone he’s spent six years with, someone he hasn’t cared about at all—until suddenly, she’s everything he’s ever wanted. It makes no sense. But again, Rowling needs Harry to force a narrative shift to get the story where she wants it to go. And she wants a happy ending with her protagonist married with kids, integrated into the Weasley family. So coherence in the plot? Inner emotional development of the character? Nah—why bother.

So yeah, my opinion of Harry is super conditioned by all of this. I know there are probably people who could write amazing analyses of his strengths and others of his weaknesses, but when I think of him, all I see is Rowling’s personal NPC, erratically moving from place to place to force whatever plot point she needs.

[yuseirra]

This manga makes me feel like Cassandra. I keep talking about it, about this same thing over and over, PLEASE, I REALLY THINK THIS HAS TO BE IT GUYS.

I think I know what this manga is trying to say.

When "Fatal" (the song) came out, I got the gist of it and kept reading. But the story keeps spinning in circles, and people are confused. That does include me too, but I think I still know what this is supposed to be.

Early July? July 1st or maybe the 4th? So, it's been a whole three months now. I've been repeating this same idea over and over ever since Fatal was out-

If Kamiki has a motive, it must be for Ai, right? That’s obvious, isn't it? People had guessed that even before the song came out. But they thought it was twisted into something like “Anyone surpassing Ai must die.” But that’s not it. I never thought that was the case. Not only would that be meaningless, but Kamiki never admired or loved Ai as an idol in the first place. There hasn’t been a single scene where he’s shown to enjoy watching Ai perform. He's one of the two characters who directly presents the idea, along with Ruby, that Ai was just an ordinary girl, with her own cruel sides.

So, what would he do? What would he do if the person he loved died? What’s his motive, then? What’s driving him? In the songs, there’s this character who longs for someone far away, or someone who’s already dead, and who desperately desires to bring them back to life. They’re willing to die if that would help. And if you look at what Kamiki says, it’s like he doesn’t care much about his own life, but he’s still doing something, right? In Chapter 155, he says he’ll do something for Ai.

He’s probably been living like that all along.

Shouldn’t we be paying more attention to this? Why isn’t anyone seeing it?(sorry this is a stretch..I'm being strong with my words here.. You see my point.) I've been screaming about it this whole time…goodness. What other motive would this character have? Why would he hurt Ai? Sure, maybe we could stretch the idea and say he might sacrifice Ruby to save Ai, but judging by his reactions, I don’t think so. He seems proud of his daughter and genuinely loves his kids. I think that's true. He cares about Aqua, too, which is why he’s pretty keen of what Aqua’s thinking right now. From what I’ve seen, he’s surprisingly gentle and passive. I doubt he did much at all. Ai worried about him until the very end. He would be the type to get attacked, unable to fight back and fend for himself, which is why she decided to take everything on herself to protect him. Ai, who was just a small middle schooler herself, didn’t want to burden him with anything, so she took on everything to save the guy from suffering, THAT'S how she feels about the guy. If anything, that implies that this guy must have a really tender and soft heart, I'd even go as far as saying timid....idk, he might be someone who couldn't even hurt a fly in the past. But Ai was everything to him you know?? So that's why he's been pushing himself to become cruel and suffer in the process. That's why he relates to his son and tells him we are the same. I think he pities Aqua. They've been forcing themselves "for Ai" and that's what they share in common, thus explaining how Fatal has two singers. It reflects both him and Aqua's circumstances, although I feel the song leans more towards Kamiki's feelings overall because of the type of love the song displays.

Continuing on, it seems like Ai felt really protective about Kamiki, I guess he was the sort of person that makes you feel that way. He was sweet and frail. The things they say seem to drive people mad in some weird way, making everything go wrong, but they don't seem to gain much from it. If anything, they've only become more miserable. Isn't there a lyric in *Fatal* like that? Something about happiness draining away even when it's filled? That's exactly what this character's life's been like! Even when something good happens, it quickly disappears, leaving them feeling empty and unhappy again. There's no way they wished for that kind of life themselves. They need some sort of exorcism.

If you could remove that kind of bad luck, I think there’s a really good chance that Kamiki is surprisingly gentle and kind. I don’t think they’re someone capable of strong, forceful actions. They seem like the type to just talk and wouldn’t be able to handle a physical fight. They might have a sharp tongue, but when you dig deeper, you could interpret them as actually being quite kind. Honestly, I think they’ve been very consistent. Watching them now, it doesn’t seem like they’ve changed that much from their young self. People get fooled because of how ominous he looks now, but if they had kept the same round eyes as when they were a kid... He might not have seemed this intimidating. They’ve just become more hollow after losing Ai, so they give off this dark aura but I don't feel like they actually are capable of being so evil;

This story... it’s impossible for the boyfriend to be the culprit. More than that, if he *was* the culprit, it would completely undermine the entire theme of the manga. I mentioned this in a different post, so I won’t elaborate here. Anyhow, that’s not the direction this is going.

Ai and her boyfriend truly loved each other. If anything, I feel this guy may have been trying to save Ai in his own way, you know? In a world where reincarnation exists, something like that is theoretically possible, right? Honestly, for those who wish for Ai’s reincarnation, I feel like you should be supporting Kamiki. Because out of all the characters, I think this one is the only one who might seriously try to bring Ai back. Aqua is devoted to Ai in his own way, and Ruby as well, but they aren't trying to meet her or make her live again; Someone in the songs have made attempts to do it though??? Then it must be him!! I feel like he's tried, but it didn’t work out, and that’s what the speaker in *Mephisto* is lamenting about. *Fatal* is about how he still wants to reach Ai, to see her somehow even after such failed attempts. That’s why and how the idea that Ai wants this guy to be saved ties to the plot. This guy needs saving.

I’m not lacking in insight. This hit me all at once, and I really think this is where the story is heading. There’s no guarantee yet that this isn’t the case, so I believe this is what’s happening till it gets proven otherwise because!! I really do not see how the story can tie things unless it isn't this!! It all works so beautifully if this is how it is!!

[viridianevergarden]

You’ve probably posted about this before but I haven’t seen it…I am interested to hear an Elriel take on the “something sparked in just chest” line from the acosf bonus chapter. That language has been used by Sarah to describe the feelings between mates multiple times in her books. Why is this time different in your opinion?

Hi Anon, this is actually a really good question.

So as an elriel, I do know that my opinions might seem hella biased here but I’ll try to keep a neutral standpoint and be 100% honest with my thought process.

I actually haven’t posted about this whole sequence or this specific line yet so this will be the first. I might as well cover the whole thing.

Let’s start with reading the whole piece:

So Azriel woke up. It’s the morning after solstice, the morning after the slap in the face that was the “You will stay away from Elain” line. Instead of taking the necklace back to the jewelers on the square, he decided to descend the steps of the House. To the library.

Given the context of the initial line before the “spark” line, I think that Az was feeling some type of relief that Clotho agreed, essentially saying “yes, I will give it to her. She will be happy to have it, she deserves it.” (Kind of like an “oh thank god” moment.)

A spark of positivity to Clotho heeding his request at his insistence of giving it away. A spark of positivity in someone else having it. A spark of some mixed emotion rather, perhaps? It was definitely an emotion, but it’s been kept vague for us to determine. We don’t necessarily know if it is indeed positive or negative. Hell, we don’t even know if Az knows. (I’m thinking he doesn’t given it’s his POV and it’s referred to as “something”)

I personally don’t think it was romantically charged or magical in any type of way. I don’t think it had anything to do with the lightsinger theory either, at least not this specific spark line. Not with the current context.

Now this may seem far fetched but I think that Azriel came down with the intention of giving the necklace away, namebombing Gwyn in the process because she was the first person he ran into immediately after the fiasco. Of course she’d be the first person he thought of who just so happened to live in the library.

But even then, Azriel didn’t truly care who got the necklace, so long as it was taken off of his hands.

Observe:

“Look, I…” Az searched for the words, his voice becoming quiet. “If there’s another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them. But I’m not taking that necklace with me when I leave.”

He just wanted the necklace gone. Away from him. But you may ask, well why didn’t he just return it to the jewelers then?

If I put myself in Az’s shoes, taking into consideration how he sees himself and how he generally is, my thought process would be something like this:

“I’d rather someone have it than no one.”

“At least someone could put it to use.”

“I don’t want to return it, it’d be a waste.”

If I took that necklace back to the jewelers, I’d feel worse. It’d be humiliating. Not to mention the idea of, “if she doesn’t want it, and it hurts me too much to keep it, perhaps someone else could find better use for it.” That’s what it was, I think, that motivated him to give it away.

And so he did.

He left the library thinking of her reaction to getting the necklace and her eyes lighting up. Because it made him feel better to know that someone else would feel joy in receiving the gift with no strings attached. Thats why he explicitly stated that he wants the gift to be anonymously given.

And this small detail that I see a lot make note of:

“Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly.”

When anything is described with the words “glow” and “quietly” together, I think of a soft glow, and a soft glow is typically something of comfort or provides comfort.

The image of someone’s joy in receiving a gift that he’s at a loss to do with comforts him. Gwyn or not, I think it’d be the same.

As for this particular spark line being related to other SJM couples in the ACOTAR universe as well as ToG and CC, I’m aware of its presence in all series. I’m aware of its weight that it holds and what it has eluded to before.

However…

This is a bonus chapter.

This is a bonus chapter from a limited edition version of ACoSF that cannot be bought anymore— that was then available to US only.

Most casual readers are unaware of this chapter’s existence. I know I was unaware until I stumbled upon ship discourse online. I read the books by myself then got online to see the fandom.

I was wondering “why ship Azriel with Gwyn??? That’s so random.” So I literally had to search online for this chapter after seeing mentions of a bonus chapter. I read it off of a google doc 😂.

Here’s the thing. Since this is an exclusive bonus chapter, SJM would not set up a whole new ship in it. Not to mention it’d seem rather sudden given what little moments we’ve seen of Azriel and Gwyn in each other’s presence that were worth the page space.

And also the specific “he wouldn’t go so far as to call Gwyn a friend” comment in the chapter. I don’t think anything’s been set up. That supposed spark, I think, was just to show his mixed emotions about giving the necklace away.

And if it was in fact romantically charged, why put it in such an exclusive bonus chapter? I think it should’ve been a pivotal moment for all to see.

So that’s my current state of thinking. If I dawn upon anything else I’ll probably post about it and reblog this. I know I am most likely going to post about Az’s Shadows and their behaviors, at least what I think on them and how they revolve around Mor, Gwyn, Elain and music. Same thing with a Thing of Secret, Lovely Beauty. I’m still confused about that. Theres a million different takes for that.

But I hope this gives you some sort of answer that at least made sense? Lol.

[im-out-of-it]

part two of season two, episode five “dust and shadows” LEAVE ALEC ALONE

27. rude skipping over mags

28. Magnus isn’t afraid of his powers, he just doesn’t want to be involved in necromancy iris

29. I know iris and madzie are made up but I honestly love the show for creating madzie. she’s so adorable and it’s sweet that Magnus and Alec and Catarina are guiding her and raising her. I’m not a fan of book Malec raising kids and here’s why

30. CC is behind it. even tries to have Alec’s kids like jace more than alec. I don’t like how she handles Malec being parents. you cant trust her to be in charge of anything because she will overshadow it with Jace. so yes the show did it so much better and I would have loved to see Malec being parents on the show more

31. awwww it’s madzie

32. okay I couldn’t find the right gif and I’ll use that one again but it’s madzie!!!!!!!

33. Clary needs to learn how to ask probing questions before she agrees to stuff she doesn’t know about smh

34. looks like Simon missed his mama

35. to be fair, that’s just Simon ✨ it’s called I’m dead mom

36. Aldertree: yeah bitch I’m replaceable but that mortal sword isn’t

37. well, I get what aldertree is saying here. Valentine has a moral instrument thanks to jace and who knows what his next plan is and it’s not going to be good. not like the clave actually cares about downworlders but Valentine + mortal instrument = bad things happening (especially if by now they know about his desire to seek a wish)

38. jace thought saving aldertree was more important than a mortal instrument so he made a split decision even if it were a bad one

39. shadowhunters whole thing is dying for the clave

40. “a soldier without discipline is poison to his entire squad” aldertree. hey isn’t that what I have been saying? he must be reading my mind

41. jace can’t follow orders or listen. it’s always what he wants to do and how things make him feel. he’s a self centered narcissist dick who can’t make sensible choices. he never thinks things through hence why Izzy was almost deruned and Alec almost died

42. I don’t think jace or clary have a brain

43. he’s banned from duty not because of his atrocities against downworlders but because he said hey I don’t support the clave and I saved aldertree. shows what the clave cares more about

44. MALEC MOMENT ✨🥹 I love how Alec just lets himself in because he feels safe at Magnus’s and here’s a preview of season three: ALEC COMES WITH THE PLACE OK MAGNUS’S LOFT + ALEC = A PACKAGE DEAL

45. okay back to Malec (I love how concerned Magnus is)

46. Magnus: is that the love of my life?

47. it makes me so sad to see how Alec is processing this but I’m glad he gets to process it

48. here’s the whole video of their conversation:

49. it honestly doesn’t get talked about how Alec will self harm when he’s dealing with something extreme. Alec is punishing himself by not using healing runes after shooting a million arrows into the sky. Alec has such a big heart and he’s blaming himself for so much of this even if it wasn’t his fault. he didn’t mean to let a demon in and he didn’t mean to kill Jocelyn but he did that. in his way, avoiding the institute, shooting a trillion arrows, and not bothering to heal himself- in a way, he feels as though he deserves that. it’s really sad all in all and I do wish this scene was a bit longer but I’m still happy we ended up getting it- but also here are some Alec/malec moments that are somehow happier:

and I’m stopping at 50 and sorry this one took me a while. ITS BEEN A DAY but I’ll post another one shortly

[possum-quesadilla]

The people have spoken! The bad ending to LoopJuice, “You And I Will Always Be Back Then”, is here! Ouch. (I’m so worried this sucks haha)

Please read the warnings/tags before proceeding! Here are the extras, for even more salt in the ouch.

- The song for this part’s title are from “Time Adventure”, specifically the version sung by Rebecca Sugar. PLEASE listen to that version before and/or after reading this for full emotional ouch. The lyrics for the title for about Lydia and Beetlejuice, and how them and their friendship/sibling relationship is in the past now. It will always be back then, but unfortunately not now. The extra lyrics I included in the start-of-work note, “It seems unforgiving when a good thing ends” is meant to reflect how Beetlejuice always felt like it was unfair that he got so little time with his family and happiness. The ones for the end-of-work note, “That’s why you and I will always be best friends”, is because Beej is still stuck living thirty years ago. (Perhaps literally ;) ) In his head, he and Lyds will always be best friends.

- The weird format - This whole work is meant to feel like accidentally listening in on a conversation you’re not supposed to hear, so I limited the physical descriptions and the internal thoughts as much as I could while still keeping it cohesive. I hope it works! I’m really worried it doesn’t and this sucks haha. (Also, the lack of internal POV thoughts helps me make sure there is little to no spoilers for the yet to be published parts of Time’s Arrow!)

- “Thought I’d find you up here.” - This first line, some of the dialogue throughout, and the whole general vibe are meant to embody two scenes from “BoJack Horseman” that really inspired this scene specifically. The last scene in the show, and this exchange from “The View From Halfway Down”. Warnings for talk of substance abuse and suicide attempts in those clips! That show heavily impacted me as a person and also how I write, so it felt fitting to continue to pay it homage. Maybe I do it too much.

- “Her monster” - This is a reference to a spoken line in the musical, where Lydia calls Beetlejuice “my monster”.

- “He was so… different. But so was she.” - Again, this is meant to feel like listening in on a conversation, so I limited the physical descriptions as much as I could. Beej’s brief description comes later, but Lydia does not get one. She has obviously aged, but she looks fantastic. She is wearing mourning clothes, including a veil. She still dyes her hair black, and it is longer than it used to be, but styled up. To Beetlejuice, she is still just his little sister, so he doesn’t have the time to process the changes, hence why it is not mentioned. Again, it isn’t mentioned, but she kept up the witch stuff, just not as intensely as she used to. It’s hard being the only witch in your coven.

- “Thir-… thirty.. thirty years?” - He does not know how much time has passed.

- “I-I wasn’t allowed to visit any sooner-” - I wonder what this means?

- “You… you left me.” - Again, a reference to a line in the musical.

- “She blew smoke in his direction, causing him to step back.” … “She blew smoke in his face once she was close enough, causing him to duck away and cough harshly.” - Yes, Lydia is aware of how triggering this is to him, but right here she is too angry to care. She will feel horrible about it later.

- “Sorry I let my family get attached, sorry I fell for your tricks!” - Lydia feels fully responsible for what happened. She feels like she’s the whole reason Beetlejuice and all of the shenanigans he brought along with him happened to her family.

- “Sorry I trusted a demon.” - This is a callback to something hurtful she said to Beej in Time is a Flat Cirlce. Ouch.

- “His voice was somehow impossibly rougher than she remembered.” … “He inhaled, softly. A wet little gasp.” … “.. wheezing out his words”… “He was wearing a thick black scarf, tightly wrapped around his neck in a way that was undoubtedly uncomfortable.” … “His chuckle was cut short by wet coughs.” … “.. as he took in weak, heaving breaths.” - His neck is still actively bleeding, he is covering it up with that scarf so she isn’t too freaked out. It hinders his ability to speak, hence why his voice is “rougher than she remembered”. It also makes it hard for him to function, hence all the wheezing and wet sounds, since, y’know, he’s bleeding significantly.

- “ “And I’m…” she inhaled deeply, looking out onto the ground far below them. “I’m glad I’m alive, I guess.” ” - Lydia is thinking about what would’ve happened if she had jumped off the roof here, and is genuinely glad she didn’t.

- “ “I’m glad I’m alive, I guess.” “… yeah. I’m glad you’re alive too, Lyds.” “I guess I’m glad you’re not dead-dead.” She took another drag of her cigarette. The demon remained quiet.” - Notice how Beetlejuice does not return the sentiment.

- “But his clothes were stained a dark russet brown, nearly entirely coating his clothing, sticking to his hair and smeared on his face.” - Yeah that is his blood. The weird placement of the blood stains is from being dragged through a pool of it.

- “His earrings were missing.” - Cyrus took the earrings Lydia, Barbara, and Adam gave him.

- “There was a significant gash on his right temple, still slowly dripping out fresh blood.” - This is from his tussle with Cyrus, but it was never really explained! “Beetlejuice felt something hard hit the side of their head before they could hit their mark.” This was Cyrus purposefully ramming his horns into their head!

- “His hair was entirely grey. No brown or green or any sort of rippling shade to be seen.” - Not just the grey that was spreading up from his roots. That was from stress. This is grey because of emotions. We’ve seen his hair go fully grey a few times before.

- “ “Yeah, what’d I tell ya? ‘Great witch’, ‘wonderful, weird goth adult’.” His chuckle was cut short by wet coughs. “… a local legend, scarin’ the kids, I bet.” “… I think I recall you saying I’d be a ‘sarcastic old bitty’. That’s probably more fitting.” ” - This is pulled straight from the ritual scene in Time is a Flat Circle, when Beetlejuice was speculating on what kind of adult Lydia would turn out to be.

- “… yeah, well… I guess some stupid part of me missed you too.” - Beetlejuice often mentioned how “some stupid part” of him wanted his mother to love him, wanted her approval. Lydia remembered that, and shares a somewhat similar sentiment about Beej. (Except she does not view him as an abuser)

- “Barbara and Adam moved on about ten years ago, when I got married.” - By “moved on”, she means beyond the Netherworld, to whatever afterlife lays beyond it. I plotted this before seeing Beetlejuice 2, and accidentally kinda predicted a popular headcanon? Barbara and Adam found fulfillment in helping raise Lydia, and were able to move on when they felt she didn’t need them anymore. Also, she did not marry Ash. It is not mentioned here, but they took the duffel bag and ran away shortly after Beetlejuice’s disappearance. Lydia got back into contact with them many years later, and they are distant friends.

- “The only reason I’m here and not at my own home is for Dad’s memorial service.” - AGAIN, PLANNED THIS BEFORE I SAW BEETLEJUICE 2! Whoops.

- “ “Didn’t even bother to ask about the veil or anything, huh?” “… you did… use to wear veils all the time.” ” - Kinda a cheeky joke about how movie Lydia wore a mourning veil for no reason in the movie. And she slayed.

- “… the Garden’s gone.” - Notice the capital ‘G’? Does the class have any ideas? Anyone notice any callbacks to the ridiculous chapter one of Time’s Arrow?

- “ “…. Are you happy, Lydia?” She seemed taken aback by this. She stammered, briefly, shrugging. “I-… is anyone?” ” - she isn’t happy.

- “ “Humor an old demon.” “… yeah. Okay.” Something weighed heavily on her shoulders, but she couldn’t quite place what. “I’ll tell everyone you said hi. Not to worry about you, that you’re happy, off scaring people and causing trouble like always.” She balled up her fists at her sides until her knuckles turned white. “… and.. I’m… happy. Despite everything.” “.. yeah?” “Yeah. I turned out okay.” His posture slowly relaxed. “I’m glad.” ” - Lydia realizes she can take some weight off of Beetlejuice’s shoulders by lying to him here. She can tell his time is probably limited, thanks to their remaining connection from the Seal and signing her name in his Book. She’s very mad at him, but she still loves him deep down.

- “The humid summer breeze was suddenly much colder.” - This is meant to play on the theme of warmth and love in LoopJuice as a whole.

[wakeupthemembersofbylernation]

It’s really funny when you think of season 4 basically being a tragicomedy where two fruity disasters are engaged in a dance of who can miscommunicate the most. They both are actually on the same page with a desire to go crazy together and be a team but they assume the other boy is reading an entirely different book. Mike goes to Cali frazzled with a million chaotic thoughts, his confusion and flustered heart barely concealed by his Big Bird core outfit.

I have a girlfriend and I’m supposed to love her. Of course I love her, she’s my girlfriend! She’s El! She has superpowers! She’s changed my life! Yes, stick to the script! I can’t wait to meet her friends she’s been telling me about and also to meet Will 😍. Wait, why did I just get flustered? It’s just Will. My friend. Will Byers. WHO HAS APPARENTLY BEEN MAKING A PAINTING FOR A MYSTERIOUS GIRL?!? I wonder what that’s about. Actually I don’t wanna know. It’s fine. Oh my God, he got hot. Why did he get hot? Wait, don’t think that. That’s weird. He’s a boy. He’s Will. Act calm. Be normal. Uhhh. hi 😍 😍😍 Wait, why isn’t he showing me that? Does he hate me? Of course he does. Why wouldn’t he?

Meanwhile Will, with no idea about Mike’s internal monologue, is extremely eager and happy to see his best friend again and is utterly confused why he is being so weird and not hugging him and why his outfit is so questionable. I guess he doesn’t care about anything I have to say anymore. I’m so stupid. Why did I make this painting and bring it to this airport like a loser? He doesn’t want to see it. Which is literally the opposite of the truth. And then things start happening too fast to process anything, and everyone’s talking fast, and El is flagrantly lying to Mike and it’s quite disturbing. Why would she do that? Friends don’t lie. This can’t end well.

And then at the roller rink Will is in tragic yearning mode while also keenly aware that a fire is brewing and wanting to put out the fire before it hurts both his sister and his best friend, both of whom he loves dearly. But Mike is oblivious to all of this while in his feelings about Will, paying absurdly close attention to Will “moping and rolling his eyes,” interpreting things in the wrong way. And then he shoots up like a gopher on adderall when Will tells him they need to talk about El because something is terribly wrong- which would be crystal clear if Mike wasn’t hyperfocused on Will’s every mood swing- and he refuses to believe it until it becomes undeniable, choosing instead to address what is clearly on his mind significantly more than his actual girlfriend on a theoretical date. And they have a high school musical coded fight in the middle of the building, entirely misunderstanding where the other boy is coming from, and it just leaves them more flustered, frustrated, and confused. But because they are incapable of personal space, it doesn’t make them drift apart physically. They stand side by side as El absolutely decks Angela to Will’s shellshocked sinking feeling of “This is my fault. I should have prevented this from happening,” and Mike’s feeling of horror and shock and, “Where did any of this come from? I just got here.”

And then later on El and Mike have their fight about him not being able to say I love you, which is confusing and full of gaslighting and contradictions and is super messy no matter how the cake is sliced, but Will is not there for any of this, so he has no reason to believe El and Mike are on the rocks. Because why would they be? He heard Mike say I love you to a room full of their friends a year ago. And Mike is clearly dealing with so many internal thoughts and conflicted feelings that he won’t share with the class- with the class being both Will and the audience- so post el’s arrest and post her “superhero” journey we have to watch Byler have these incredibly coded conversations that get increasingly more chaotic. Mike’s basically like, “Yeah bestie I’m not sure about this whole macaroni and cheese thing and I don’t know if me and El are really right for each other, you know? It was prolly like dumb luck or something, but you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, Will, and I think we should work together as a team, as best friends, as lovers- wait, who said that? Anyway, what do you think, my totally platonic bestie?”

All this as [tender, emotional music] plays. And Will, even though it destroys him inside, is extraordinarily selfless, and is basically like, “I’m sure you and El will work things out and talk through whatever’s happening. You love each other. You are perfect for each other. And I will always be here to reassure you.” And Mike’s like, “That’s not how I envisioned this convo going. Are you sure?” And while holding back tears, Will’s like, “Of course I’m sure! Why wouldn’t I be sure? Look at this painting I made you.” And Mike’s like “Wow 😍😍😍 did you make that for me?” And Will’s like, “Sure did! Actually El basically did. She commissioned it.” And Mike is like, “Oh. Okay. It’s still really beautiful tho. Which of course it is. Because you made it. But I… I’m confused. But I don’t fully understand why I’m confused. I’m glad El needs me! I think?”

Meanwhile, Byler literally wants the same things, they both deeply desire and love each other, but they don’t know how the other feels. And if they both paused for one second, were fully honest with each other, and stopped speaking in code, things would fall into place. And they could walk hand in hand, crazy together, into the apocalypse.

[beeceit]

Leonardo, come down here, and put that back

You ever get too into the short character study you meant to leave in the tags of someone else's post and accidentally write a 1033 word one shot told in the second person about someone else's character meeting yours?

Haha me neither, anyways... here's my take on what I think it would be like for LDC Leo and POB Uncle Nardo to meet <3 Bonus points if you catch all the other peepaws referenced

@nani-nonny teehee

Out of all of the bizarre situations you’ve found yourself in over the course of your life, this ‘peepaw multiverse convention’ was certainly far up there. 

Dozens of alternates of yourself and your former brothers, even some Aprils (though not many) stand around chatting, recounting stories, showing off their little selves.

Most of them seem to get on fairly well, splitting into little groups like a highschool cafeteria.

Well, what you imagine a highschool cafeteria looks like, you’ve never been.

There’s the smart ones, the cool ones, the tired ones. And, inevitably, the class clowns.

Some booty shorts wearing jackass covered in stickers keeps chucking empty waterbottles and paper airplanes at your head. You can't tell if he genuinely doesn’t realize that you could kill him easily if you wanted or if he just doesn't care. 

He's wrapped around his own Mikey now, the weight that constantly dragged on his shoulders, on every Leonardo’s shoulders, almost vanished from that single touch. Lucky bastard.

You had your own Mikey once. You fucked that up, too. Pushed him away. Twisted yourself until you could scarcely be called brothers anymore. And still, after it all, in his desperate final act of life he tried to save you. Not only you, the stupid selfish blueprint that became you.

That useless arrogant child you once had been.

Everything you've been through, everything you've lost, it was all your own fault. It was his fault. You can see the cracks in the armor. The foundational flaws that will lead him down the path to becoming you. Distantly, you think maybe you could still save this world's version of your family if you just get rid of the common denominator.

You can't mistake this as justice, though. As a good deed. You don't want him dead as a precaution, you want him dead for revenge. You're selfish, self-righteous, focused. In him you can see the son you used to be. The part of you that was a brother, a friend, the part that has long since faded in your chest glows so brightly in him. But you must extinguish it. He deserves this. You both deserve this.

The new guy gives you a look that you don't understand. 

Oh, right.

You shake yourself out of the memory. Out of the corner you find your own counterpart engaged in a very one sided conversation with another young Leo, a feral looking one legged creature with the conversational skills of a busted up talking tom. Some part of you is glad he seems to be making friends. 

God, you felt old. And this place didn’t have nearly enough alcohol to even begin to process… that whole situation. You turn back to the new guy. It’s been a while since any of them got this close to you. Most of the other Leonardos herded their littler ones away from what had been deemed ‘naughty gay peepaw jail’, which is the stupidest name they could give your self-imposed little angsting corner, but maybe not inaccurate.

You finally identify the look the new one’s giving you. It’s pity.

Disgusting.

He's young. Too young to be here, you think, as if you could really be the judge of that. He's not even 30 yet, hasn't even reached 6 foot. Still has 2 arms. Ah well, for now, at least.

He's too happy.

Something in his scarf makes a chirping sound. 

The new guy, Nardo you’ve heard him called (And god, you used to be Nardo once upon a time), reaches in and pulls out a small creature, hardly bigger than an oreo. You’d almost have thought it was a strange rock if you hadn’t seen the little tail emerging from under his shell thumping against Nardo’s hand. Nardo chuckles and kisses his head with such tenderness.

“Bitty, buddy, you weren’t supposed to wake up from your nap just yet.” The tiny thing babbles indignantly but is quickly quieted when Nardo rubs a finger against his cheek and under his chin.

It’s disgustingly cute.

And disgustingly familiar.

You’ve seen the family photo album, seen the pictures of your own father (former father) snuggling up against an incomprehensibly small version of yourself the exact same way. You’ve seen a handful of Leonardos with children of their own, amalgamations of turtles and rabbits (why so many rabbits?) and humans and different sorts of turtles. 

That’s not just a Leonardo’s baby, that’s a baby Leonardo.

He was so helpless and small. Precious, fragile, innocent.

But he was still a Leonardo.

You had been like him once, before, you knew you had. How had such a sweet little creature become the murderer that ended the world? Nardo held Bitty out to you, cupping his hand to keep him securely held. You made eye contact with the child for less than an entire second before he chirped, frightened, and nuzzled back into Nardo’s palm, shaking.

Nardo frowned and pulled him back to his chest, stroking his shell with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, he’s never reacted to anyone like that before. I’m sure he’ll warm up to you eventually, he’s just still tired.” He was afraid of you. Terrified. You hadn’t so much as said a word to him and the child saw right through you. Even an infant was able to see the blood on your hands. 

His wet afraid eyes matched your own counterpart’s scarily well. The chirps of fear and your own Leo’s screams overlapped. Would you have done the same thing if your counterpart were so small? You don’t think you would, but then again, at Nardo’s age you wouldn’t have thought you’d do a lot of the things you’ve done.

“Hey, uh, you okay? I gotta get the little guy somewhere a little quieter for a minute, but I can come back. I’m sure I won’t have any trouble finding someone to watch Bitty for me, I’ve already had to fend off at least eight kidnapping attempts this morning.” Nardo looked at you with concern, genuine concern, even after you scared his baby. He really was too young to be here. “Don’t worry about me, just go.”

“Oh, uh, alright. I’ll see you later?”

“Pray that you don’t.”

[thefactsofthematter]

this delancey brothers thing is so interesting to me because like,,, we get very little about their whole family life and backstory and the fandom has yet to come up with anything incredibly solid,,, anyways just thinking thoughts and i want to hear what you have to say

right?? i feel like for a while the fandom kinda shunned them bc of their role as villains… but a bad guy can be a compelling character too!!

i already gave a rundown of my backstory for them in the last ask i answered, so here’s my completely baseless thoughts regarding their personalities and relationship w each other!! @jack-kellys here’s the rest of my delancey nonsense 😙

- oscar is a deeply angry person. he doesn’t know how to feel anything else, when the world has been so cruel to him. he’s been trying to parent his little brother for years, in the shittiest of situations: from an abusive home, to jail, to their tiny bedroom at the newspaper office. wiesel is harsh with them, their job consists of long days of tedious work, and he often feels he has nothing to look forward to. he takes it out on everybody except morris, because he’s learned over the years that everyone is out to get him, so he may as well hurt them first. (hostile attribution bias anyone?? shoutout to all my fellow bitches who studied developmental psych 🤘)

- morris, on the other hand, strikes me as a little less angry and a little more scared. an odd hc of mine for him is that he’s on the fetal alcohol spectrum - he deals with numerous learning disabilities and developmental delays because of it, and it’s made all the trauma he’s experienced very hard to process. he finds his and oscar’s job frustratingly difficult: counting papes and keeping the numbers straight is hard for him, he hates how loud the newsies are (and how loud uncle wiesel is when he’s yelling), and he can’t focus for very long without getting the urge to jump and run and move around, which he knows he’s not allowed to do. he also knows he doesn’t speak very clearly— unless he’s very intentional with every syllable, which almost sounds worse because it’s so awkward, or using phrases he’s already practiced— so he’s given up on talking to anyone other than his big brother, for the most part. he lets oscar do most of the talking and is happy to back him up with his fists.

- oscar doesn’t really understand morris’s disability, but he tries not to think too hard about it. he doesn’t know why his brother needs help with certain things that seem easy— like knowing which shoe goes on which foot, or spelling the letters of his own name— but he’ll help him nonetheless, because that’s just what he needs to do. he thinks he might need to take care of morris forever, because it often seems like there’s some things the kid will just never get the hang of, but oscar doesn’t mind that, because at least it gives him some purpose. if he has to sit there every night and remind morris of the steps to getting cleaned up before bed (wash your face and hands, run a comb through your hair, fold up your clothes…) then at least he’s doing something helpful each day, and that makes him feel alright.

- a random anecdote that sorta sums them up (under the cut bc this is long already):

for morris’s 13th birthday, oscar steals a little stuffed dog from a shop, which morris names puppy and instantly clings to with all his might. at the time, oscar knows morris is too old for toys, but the way the kid lights up when the silly thing is handed to him makes everything worth it. he simply decides to accept that all the bullshit they’ve been through has made it hard for morris to grow up at the same rate as other people, so if babying him a little makes him this happy, that must be fine, right?

several years later, the first thing that ever compels oscar to lay a hand on wiesel is finding puppy in the trash on the front step on his way home from running errands, with its ears ripped off— he’s instantly sure that wiesel found it and took it from morris while he was gone. he charges inside and punches wiesel square across the jaw; he then spends the rest of the night barricaded in their bedroom, trying to messily sew puppy back together and simultaneously calm down his inconsolable little brother.

“you’re too big to cry, mo. you know that. you gotta cut it out before uncle hears you, alright?”

“but he took it. he took puppy away and wrecked it and said i can’t have it no more,” morris wails. “it ain’t fair, osc.”

“i know. i got it back and i’m trying to fix it, okay? i’ll get puppy good as new for you, i swear. you just gotta stop— you’re a big fella and you’re crying over a toy. you can’t be doing that.”

morris sniffles, obviously holding back a sob.

“you busted his head. why’d you do that?”

oscar shrugs. he finally manages to tie off a decent knot on one of the ears, which almost looks right again, despite his terrible stitches.

“i was mad. don’t no one mess with my brother without going through me, right?”

morris manages a smile, despite the way he’s still intently watching his beloved puppy be put back together, with tears in his eyes.

“right. and i’ll soak anyone who talks bad at you, i swear.”

wiesel beats oscar black and blue with his cane the next day, but oscar would take it a million times over for morris’s sake. when the newsies start wisecracking about oscar’s fresh cuts and bruises at distribution, morris starts beating on whichever of those loudmouths he can get his hands on until the whole lot of them have nothing more to laugh at.

the delancey brothers have each other’s backs at all fucking costs.

[mysticsparklewings]

Obscutober 2024 Day 27: Whelve 🕳️

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Whelve (v.)

to turn (as a dish or vessel) upside down usually to cover something

to bury something deep; to hide

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Whichever one I was the most lost on how to handle before? Scratch that, this one takes that cake now. If it wasn’t obvious. 😅

It was also yet another chaotic day with not much time to play. I hope that doesn’t continue for the remaining 4…🫠

Click the "Keep Reading" and we'll talk a bit more about my general thoughts/process. ✨

⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️

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😮‍💨 Sparklers, I'm tired. Remember how I said yesterday was a chaotic day around the house? That was true again today. And now you know why this piece both went up particularly late for the Obscutober pieces and spent a fair bit of time without a proper description afterward, too. 😅

Now, also to be fair, I wasn't as upset as I probably should have been about the chaos and the delays it caused because I had exactly one idea for this mandala, and it did not feel like a good enough idea to carry the mandala on its own.

...And yet, that's essentially what I did: Go with that one idea and make it carry the whole mandala. Care to take a guess what said idea was?

Granted, if I'd had more time when I was finally about to sit down and worry about the art for today, I probably would have experimented and dug for more ideas, at least to see what my options were even if the outcome wasn't that different. But that was time I just didn't have today.

So. In case you couldn't guess, my main idea was shovels, after the whole "bury something" part of the definition.

...Alright, I admit that I did briefly toy with the idea of turtles, since they tie in well with concept of hiding. But I didn't end up incorporating that both because the longer I thought about it, the less it seemed to fit, and also I really could not be bothered with the amount of trial-and-error I knew it would take to get a turtle in this style that was to my liking. 👎

I think generally this word, for me, would've been better suited to a mini-magnet approach. I could just as easily be wrong, though.

Still, with shovels as my base, the next logical thing I could think to do was just make some ground surrounding the shovels; Emphasizing how you'd use a shovel to dig down deep, through multiple layers of dirt. And that explains the bulk of the mandala, except...

Those square not-quite-flower things at the end of every shovel. What's that about?

Honestly, I just wanted something else that was less doodle-y, less specifically tied to the ground/shovel concept, and maybe kinda felt like it tired more into hiding.

It's a very loose connection, but I was sort of thinking this square-ish motif at least vaguely went with "hide" since the edges are dark and the center almost looks like a mid-bloom flower or something. So maybe in some sense you'll get a "flower hiding secrets" kind of vibe from it?

Similarly, the fill-in colors for those wasn't really thought out. I just went with colors I thought would look good—Which I think was a success, at least!

There might have been hints of "gold for treasure, like you'd bury" or "red like an X-marks-the-spot would be on a map" influencing me there, but I won't swear to it, and I'm genuinely still not sure of where the blue came from other than making a nice primary palette. 🤷‍♀️

Sooo...That's kinda it. 😅 I do think visually, as a piece of art, it came out well—pretty, even! My hang up is purely that it doesn't tie back into the definition for the word super well. Quite possibly the worst so far on that front.

But, given the events of the day, I'm going to mostly let it go and just be happy that it does look nice and that I was able to get it done and posted in time.

I am hoping though that this coming week, things will calm down a little bit so we can end the month on a higher note...I'm expecting that, because I know how these things tend to go, but I can dream, can't I? 🫠

Now if you Sparklers will excuse me, I need a bit of a rest before it's time to start on the next one of these. 😴

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See the Prompt List

Artwork © me, MysticSparklewings

Obscutober Concept Inspired by nikolas_tower

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⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️=

[killian-whump]

Edit: I’m leaving this original post as-is, because to change it now would be disingenuous and unfair to the people who voiced (honestly, very valid) outrage at what this post seemed to be saying. This was not meant to be a post about racism or about POC whumpers’ struggles to feel comfortable in the Whump Community. The post about racism that I mention in the first paragraph was merely the starting point for a thought process that got me thinking about the niche quality of the fandom side of the Whump Community. Much like in a fetish community, many whumpers are here for their one specific Whumpee or to scratch their one very specific trope itch. It was that phenomenon that my post was meant to be addressing - and the best way, in that sense, to get your own itch scratched is by starting a blog about it and hoping others with the same Whumpee/interest come out to join you. I made a grave error by referring to the post about racism in the beginning, and using POC Whumpees as an example of a “specific itch” that someone might want to scratch. By doing so, I gave the wrong impression that this was a post (1) about the other post and (2) about racism. It wasn’t meant to be either, and I should have been much more careful in making this post to make sure I did not give the wrong impression. Racism in fandom is a very serious issue; the tendency for niche communities to create insular mini-communities (tables, if you will) based on highly specific individual needs is not. And it’s the latter that this post was meant to be about! Hope that clears it up and keeps further feathers from being ruffled. Love to you all!

I’ve been thinking more about that post about racism in the Whump Community. Despite how big the Whump Community’s gotten and how quickly it’s exploded and evolved into a big, bustling community... It is still what would be considered a niche community.

As such, it is built entirely by the individuals in the community, to cater specifically to their own needs and in the hopes that others might share their specific interests. You can’t expect a table to already be laid out for you in a niche dining hall. You have to grab a table yourself, put your own favorite dishes on it... and hope others come and join you for dinner. Because niche communities are what they are because they’re not for everybody. They’re only for the individuals who are part of them - and they exist to cater to the needs and wants of those people.

But that doesn’t mean groups/interests who aren’t “part” of the community yet are being excluded. It just means no one’s grabbed a table and slapped some of those dishes on it yet. And why haven’t you? Haven’t you ever seen Field of Dreams? “If you build it, they will come.” Get building! Communities don’t build themselves, and life’s too short to wait for others to build your happy space for you.

That’s what I did. I saw some Hook content in the whump blogs, but I knew there could be a lot more. I saw some whumpy writings in the OUAT community, but I knew there could be a lot more. I wanted more. So I made a blog to curate and celebrate what was already out there, and to connect with others who (like me) enjoyed that kind of content. The hope was (and forever is) that other creators would join in and make more content. And they did! They SO did!

And it’s not like the community as a whole decided one day to start putting white boys in boxes. One individual somewhere just thought it would be a good idea, threw a dude in a box and shipped him off to a sadist... and a new section of the community was born. And apparently so many other people crammed chairs around that table that it’s become an entire universe now, through some magic of fandom space evolution or something. And it does seem like they’re still mostly white boys, but I’m sure if you order a POC boy, they’ll happily ship you one. Or hell, order twenty! You’ll probably get a bulk purchase discount, and everyone likes a good bargain.

The point is... The Whump Community is what WE make it - and that includes YOU, whoever you are. If you want more of something - make it. Or at least provide a place for other people seeking such content to congregate so you can use the powerful force of collective puppy dog eyes to get others to make/share content with you. Hey, it works!

And if anyone out there makes/has a POC whump blog (that focuses on fictional whump scenarios other than non-fictional slavery/racism scenarios), lemme know. I’m definitely down for that!

[doverstar]

The little details in this fic???? I’ve been thinking about them all day?

I have never read a fic from a writer with a better understanding of the Pond family dynamic. The SASS that exudes off of rory Williams is so perfect. Amy’s unflinching trust in the Doctor, how she will take any order from him, but still pursing her lips, so simultaneously irritated with him and filled with care and affection for both her boys and trust for the Doctor. The way that Matt Smith’s doctor had control over A ROOM. How that contrasts with Will. It’s all INSANELY GOOD. It’s like I’m watching an episode straight out of Series 6, you have such a good handle of dialogue and specifically these character’s way of speaking. Rory’s quips. The doctor spewing nonsense that’s ten steps ahead of everyone else in the room. Amy’s concern. You have complete mastery over all four of these characters. GOD I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT ROSE. I love how you display her so complexly, how she’s so quick yet she’s so scared to accept that her realities been flipped on it’s head, that the Doctor has changed again. And oh my gosh, the Doctor and Rose’s relationship. It’s so perfect. The semi-awkward but completely emotionally charged moment in the elevator. The bit about their hands fitting perfectly. How she finds it easier to accept him this time. It’s so soft and tender, and best of all, it all feels EARNED. Not just through all they’ve been through in this story and canon, but through the pacing of your story in specific. You don’t rush it. There’s not many fic authors, or writers in general, that can do that. It makes for such a satisfying story that I just can never get enough of.

Last one!! But oh Will!!! It makes me so sad that Rose said it doesn’t matter anymore, his silly knit hoodie and mismatched converse. I’m gonna miss him so much, I’m still grieving. I’m wayyy more excited that the Doctor is out of the watch, but still, my boy is gone!!! My scrunkly!!! Rip!!! I especially love how you contrast them, how the Doctors talking strong finally where Will was a mumbler, how you’ve talked about his pale eyes the whole story and now it’s his bright eyes. Also, how Eleven walks on an angle LMAO. Just, all of it.

I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head. Your attention to detail is magnificent and this chapter was well worth the wait. I can’t stop rereading. I’m just begging, BEGGING you to forget about Journey’s End so they can have a happily ever after.

Sending you love!!!

I need to start responding to long wonderful comments with a bit more of the enthusiasm I actually feel for them, so everybody wave hello to the Keep Reading line -

Thank you so much! I do love the Ponds and their specific chaos. Amy probably comes off pretty cold or tetchy in my fic, but I couldn't imagine her not being stressed and overprotective of the Doctor in that whole scenario. Also, I'm a big fan of Rose's pettiness when it comes to other women, because that's realistic, even if she often tries not to show it, and I'm an also a big fan of Amy's huge temper. And Rory is always a treasure. Always. I was so excited to write for them, thank you! I've been worried about the way I portrayed Rose and her thought process, but you've been so encouraging here! Thanks for that, too. I'll miss Will! I loved writing for a version of the Doctor that didn't have to deal with the simultaneous burdens of being a Time Lord, a genius, a hero, a murderer, immortal, etc. Will is just Eleven with less ambition and less worry. I was thinking, "What would the eleventh incarnation of the Doctor be like if you took away all the things that made him an immortal alien and just turned him loose?" And the result was a very sweet, awkward young man with bad dress sense who thinks he's 20-something. It's just my take, but I'm so fond of my take. Aw, Will. Miss you already, boyo. Thank you for noticing the details! That's so kind of you. I don't think I'm 100% happy with the latest chapter as it is (I was so tired), but I'm beyond glad you can still appreciate it! Loved getting this message.

[yuseirra]

I ALREADY MADE AN ANALYSIS THAT THERE'S SOMETHING TAUNTING KAMIKI TO BECOME INSANE BACK ON JULY 11TH!!!!JULY 11TH!!!! AFTER FATAL WAS OUT!!! MEPHISTO IS HIS SONG!!!!!

oH GOD... I should have.. I should have posted that here too but it's one of the posts that didn't make it, why didn't I????? Let me bring a rough machine translated version of it okay. I have proof. I wrote it back so long ago!!!! Not long after I listened to Fatal!!!!!! UGH!!!UGH!!! I ALREADY PREDICTED THIS!!!! I

oH GOOdness. I'm going to get so many things right about this comic. I am not joking. THIS is how it's going to be. I.. I can't explain things any other way. I just. I just can't, if this isn't it, it's beyond my abilities to make sense of this character. but I'm really good with these. I feel I will be right.

***

I was listening to Mephisto and I really got a sense of it. This whole song is from Kamiki’s perspective, isn’t it? I was right that this boy (34 years old) offered something huge for Ai, wasn’t I? There’s a line like, "Since I gave you my life, you granted me time." People probably thought that was about Aqua, but I don’t think so.

As I mentioned before, here’s my theory: this guy practically has no will to live. After learning that Ai had died, there was probably nothing left in his life to be happy about or look forward to. I still need to dig deeper to understand exactly how much he directly contributed to that, but judging by his character, he didn’t seem like the type to do something extreme to others—at least not before he parted ways with Ai. Even if he wasn’t directly responsible for Ai’s death like Nino was, he probably did something that he’s been suffering immense guilt over, thinking, "I shouldn’t have done that." (If Kamiki really did give Ryosuke the address on purpose, then he’s seriously lost his mind… but from what I can tell, it seems like he was drunk. How on earth did those two meet anyway? ;) In any case, while others might think, "Well, it’s hard to say he’s the reason Ai died," Kamiki might believe he is. He may have even tried to kill himself after Ai’s death.

This character’s nature isn’t inherently that aggressive. When the people who tormented him died, he was overcome with guilt and emotional burden. He’s someone who gets hurt easily and is quite sensitive. (Even Ai leaving was probably because she thought he couldn’t bear the thought of having to take responsibility for their children on top of everything else. But I think...he would have been okay as long as he had her with him.) He struggled with the deaths of the people who wronged him, so when Ai died, he likely broke down even more, spiraling to the point where he was on the brink of death.

But perhaps at that point, he couldn’t die, and some godlike figure appeared before him offering a deal. He might not be able to die until he completes that deal. And since he has no attachment to life, it doesn’t matter what happens to him in the process. Out of desperation to undo the mistakes he believes he made, he might be willing to do things he normally wouldn’t. In Chapter 154, the surprised expression he had was because he never considered the idea that Ai might have worried about him. He thought she would live happily without a care for what happened to him. He had no doubt that everything would be fine as long as he did his part, but when he realized that wasn’t true, he was shocked.

The whole idea of a deal with a god is just speculation, as that’s not explicitly laid out in the story, but Tsukuyomi did appear. This is a world where gods can manifest physically. Besides that, I can’t think of any other motivation that would keep him going. Back when I analyzed Aqua and considered Mephisto to be his feelings, I mentioned something similar.

The speaker in Mephisto is in a mental state where "it wouldn’t be strange if they died at any moment." That intense feeling hit me while listening to the song, and it was heartbreaking.

Also, some of the lyrics are as follows:

"Tears and sweat filled to the brim are traces of blood" (If it’s Aqua, why does it mention "blood" here?)

"There’s never a day of relief"

"Every day, sad lights gather"

(What does it mean for "lights" to gather? Could it be related to people with star eyes?)

"Born of the abyss"

This fits Kamiki more than Aqua, especially the line, "You’re empty, so there’s no way you could receive love."

The mention of a "last chance" suggests that there isn’t much time or opportunity left, but Aqua has never really shown a sense of urgency about completing his revenge. Kamiki, on the other hand, likely views it as a race against time because he has something to accomplish.

Kamiki is someone who has been swayed and hurt a lot in life, and the only thing he truly loved and wanted was Ai. If he’s going to take action, it’s only for Ai. He has no lingering attachments to life. I think this theory is correct. It has to be. Otherwise, how do these songs even make sense?

What’s really funny is that every time I dive into a genre, I always end up picking the character who sacrifices themselves. There’s always a couple where one sacrifices for the other, but I never got that vibe from Aqua and Kana.

But if things unfold this way, it’s just too familiar, and that’s what’s funny. It’s like, "How does this always happen wherever I go?" So if I’m right, it’s hilarious. I listen to a lot of music, and in genres where the songs are well made, I tend to analyze them based on the lyrics. And when it comes to my favorite songs, I feel like they capture the essence of the story or the emotions so accurately, so it leaves an impression on me.

These songs are spoilers. I’m hesitant to speak too confidently because this excitement might fade later, but whenever I listen to the songs, I feel sure of my conclusions.

GUYS!!! LISTEN!!! I GOT SO MANY THINGS RIGHT ABOUT THIS COMIC I EVEN LOST TRACK.... I THINK THIS IS IT. I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS CHARACTER'S ACTIONS OTHERWISE. HELP

[starsscarmyceiling]

have you finished battle scars? 😐

Oh damn nonnie. I mean sit the fuck down and get comfortable because I have a lot of feelings on this. Please keep in mind that these are my opinions and takes. I am not looking to fight or argue. If your experience differs from mine and you have different opinions, you are still totally valid.

Alright my babies, let's get into it...

It’s difficult. I feel like I—well, have a lot of feelings, like I said. And upon further contemplation the more time passes (which I know it’s only been out for like a week and a half, but still), the more aspects of it tend to confuse and baffle me.

Because yes, am I happy there was a Merrical implied ending? I mean, of course. What kind of Merrical shipper would I be if I wasn’t? I guess my main frustrations therein lie with the overall story that was told. Because first of all, I thought the story was kind of weak. But Merrin having her moment and being able to process her trauma? Yes. The Mantis, attempting and sorting out the internal issues amongst them? Yes. Cal, attempting to challenge his beliefs of everything he has been taught within the context of this new galaxy? Yes. Merrin and Cal ultimately choosing to stay with each other because they want to? YES.

I understand why Merrin did what she did throughout the book. She was still in a cycle of heavy depression, and there was a vicious cycle of her not having any source to fill herself back up because one, she never had the opportunity to process her trauma (apparently), and two, nor was there an environment that was actively being fostered for her to do so. The Jedi are known of course, to be in line with that toxic positivity, but what frustrated me was all of the juicy potential that we could have had.

What actually bothered me about her so called “development” is that it happened off screen. It was all like, well just take our word, she is like finding all of these things out over here we promise. Because the whole time she was doing this, it was completely dependent on another character that was not Cal, just some random bitch we don’t care about, instead of coming to these things on her own or with someone she has an actual bond with. The way in which these things came about pissed me off so much because she could have had these moments with Cal, whom apparently she had this amazing developed relationship with, of which we never got to actually see. They went back and forth saying the Mantis crew wasn’t touchy feely, but then talked about how her and Cal had all these long, meaningful conversations…so like…what the fuck were these conversations actually about? They never talked about themselves or their traumas at all???? Merrin literally thinks at one point, up until she met Fret, Cal was the only person she felt like she could share things about herself with…but the way in which this was written really doesn’t make me believe that at all. It was just cheaply done like, lol, well just again trust us that these two people have developed relationship here in the interim. It was like, so unsatisfying to read. At no point did they actually show how and why her and Cal grew to care about one another other than us being told they were. That is what I am truly pressed about.

Also, I truly am not a fan of how Cal’s characterization was handled. I feel like he was just written like he was like seven years old or something. Cal can be awkward and aloof, sure…but I feel like this was just taken too far. Not only did he get cucked (in his own fucking BED; idc I will never get over that), but he also got reduced to a seven year old boy that didn’t have nearly as much depth as he could have had. I liked him questioning his ideology, but I felt like these topics were brought up and not really resolved. When I write Cal, I feel like all of the potential lies in using what has already been given to us. I see Cal as someone who is well versed at understanding people’s emotions, an empath, compassionate, protective, and obviously having such a big heart, especially for those he cares about and loves. And is this because of his psychometry? Or just how he is naturally, who knows it could be a combination of both. Think about it, this is a person that has been experiencing what could be complex adult emotions his whole life. And you’re telling me that he’s still that oblivious? Hmm, I don’t think. And wtf he doesn’t feel that many echoes? Mf was going around that whole game feelings those all the fucking time.

If I could quote a frond, @wayfaringjedi, this was a pretty hot take:

“How much stronger would it have been for Cal to confront that he has to allow her to feel anger to heal, and that anger is a useful emotion

How much stronger would it have been for Merrin to realise that safety exists, that she will not be rejected for being herself or being difficult or being angry, that she has her place

How could it have been for Cal to realise that he had made Merrin feel that he was not a safe person to disclose this to? How would that have challenged his ideology?

Or for Merrin to realise her refusal to try to access peace like Cal does is what alienates her from others?”

And honestly, couldn’t have said it better myself. Like, do you know how many amazing fics I've read out there, where it's Merrin and Cal, getting to have these moments in the engine room? Where it's them having pillow talk and growing closer? God this whole thing really felt like a slap in the face I was not prepared for.

These characters weren’t really handled with care. I didn’t hate the whole book, but I just feel like it just could have been better. I am veryyyyy much interested in what’s going to happen in Survivor, I mean we all are, obviously. I was taking comfort in Merrin saying they were probably never going to see Fret again. I really don’t understand why Fret was there. There is a way to create situations and tension and conflict and making important realizations between them without inserting some random purple bitch. Because istfg, if at some point in Survivor, we have to go like pick up Merrin and she is with Fret, I am going to throw my PS5 out the window and scream and rage in the streets. (Respawnnnnn, I know where you live do not TEST me). I am obviously hoping for canon Merrical, which I do think is a distinct possibility. Because if we don’t, then what the fuck was all of that for?

I feel like BS (heh, aptly named) has suffered the TROS problem of not being able to satisfy anyone lol. Okay because who the FUCK is this book for dude?

Because it’s obviously pissed off all the Merricals. We would have never wanted this.

And it doesn’t really satisfy those who don’t ship either because there is so much Merrical subtext.

But, I mean, I do have to say this book did make me grow to love Greez even more. He was 👑💩 the whole fucking time. Throwing shade at Fret throughout, I was living for it. When he went off on Fret after he woke up from getting his arm cut off, I was fucking eating my popcorn like pop offfff. And I cannot emphasize enough how much I loved Cal in his petty jealous area. Obsessed. He deserves it completely like also go off 👑. Him and Greez were my only bright spots throughout this experience. So glad he got to have his moment too when he "I KNOW HOW IT FEELS!" God I love it. We should all just listen to Greez at all times, like yes please let us drop that Fret bitch off on Batuu with a fruit cake bing bang boom.

I also did enjoy the moments between Cere and Cal together really trying to navigate what it means to be a Jedi in this galaxy in this so entirely dangerous climate for them. Glad Cere is embracing her as a Jedi and using the force again. Totally got the foreshadowing of her being in some kind of archives that we saw in the trailer, preserving the ways of the Jedi. Very fitting for her.

And yesss, there were a few cute moments. Those first two chapters were LIT I gotta say. Like TOGETHER THEY WERE THE LIGHT AND THE DARK CAL WAS THE STAR THAT ILLUMINATED HER SHADOW, that did murder me. And the fucking wound cleaning scene, omfg. I know that murdered ALL of us. Jfc.

I also feel like it would have been a lot more interesting for Fret to just be there to betray them. It would have taught Merrin a lesson of not just diving into something with someone that is entirely based on lust. The fact that she got a redemption was idk…just boring to me I guess. And I know I am biased because I don’t like her, but I mean come on I am a feral fucking Merrical over here is anyone surprised???

Okay lol, have I complained enough? Haha I am guessing you knew what you were getting into anon when you came to my ask box. Lol everyone knows I can never stfu. Anyway, hope that satisfied you.

And hm should you guys be looking out on the horizon for something? Well let’s just say I am definitely using all of these feelings that I have and am putting them somewhere 💅🏻

Anyway, I hope all the Merricals out there are having a great day. Meet me at Applebees and we can cry together 💕💕💕