#my uhhh interpretation of uhhh how that one scene went

[pinemangoart]

Shoutout to @vodkafolie for that last chapter I love discomfort I live in it etc etc

[alohaasaloevera]

guys I’m honestly happy that klance didn’t become canon because I love how as a collective group of people we utilize our right to explore what could have been and create the most smoking hot scenarios ever and yes I obviously wanted more of their friendship growing into this bond stronger than anything else in the universe especially since Voltron has teamwork and family as one of their main lessons but that’s more of a development issue all around…ok besides that there’s something about klance where it provides this PERFECT environment for shippers to inhabit and FEAST upon. With klance, there’s a solid, engaging dynamic between the two set up, which is this weird one-sided rivalry that stems from Lance’s insecurity and his need to prove himself of his worth and Keith literally being one of the best pilots for his age but since they’re flung into space and chosen to become child soldiers in this 10,000 year old intergalactic war so they have to work as a team which surprise surprise forces them to put aside their differences and work as a team which is shown a bunch when Keith needs to become a leader and Lance steps up as his right hand and and they have some kinda tender moments that won’t definitely drive shippers into a shipping craze (or worse) SO YEAH you could see why people loved it with all the classic tropes and mutual growth all that schmooze (ALSO THEY KNEW EACHOTHER BEFORE THE MAIN PLOT??? Well maybe not like friends or even acquaintances probably BUT HELLO?????? EVEN MORE SHIT TO EXPAND ON????), and they share multiple scenes that could be interpreted as romantic but there’s no explicit romance. This environment is fucking dripping drenched flash flooded cornered by 1000ft tsunamis in all directions with potential for shipping, so when people saw this relationship between two bros with this sort of homoerotic (IM JOKING. Kinda.) unresolved tension towards each other and the POTENTIAL for a good slow burn rivals to friends to lovers, it was to no one’s surprise that they went APESHIT. Klancers made countless different ways where they get together whether it be pre-Kerberos, post-gettingthefuckoutofearth, the start of the show, the end of the show, after the end of the show, right smack in the middle, anywhere, anytime, for who the fuck knows why just ANY REASON DAMN IT it doesn’t really matter because people were pumping out fanfiction or fan art or any fan media of klance faster than I spit out a raw baby carrot after chewing it for one second and now we’re all wallowing about how it should have been KICK but the thing is that if VLD did KICK all the way to Altea, the production of these beautiful stories that so many people have and still are coming up with about klance kissing in midst of a battle, helping each other with their crippling nightmares, smiling for the stars or some other sad premise, and whatever is nestled in his pulse…just like uhhh the amount of fics like these that go into great detail about Keith and Lance in these random situations that end up with them getting together being produced would go down to some degree because of the fact that if the people’s beloved sharpshooter and samurai had ended up together like we had wanted, and the majority was satisfied with the ending the creators had given, people would have shifted from writing about “How could Lance and Keith get together?” to writing about “What could Lance and Keith do now that they’re together?” And like. There’s nothing wrong with that honestly I would be HYPED if klance was ever canon but there is profound beauty in the way the community is able to create more from less and turn a show that went to shit in the last few seasons shine even brighter than it did at its prime. Like I wouldn’t trade my favorite fics 4 anything.

—

Ok another little thing I’m going to put here: With Klance, all I wanted was for them to be great friends 😭😭😭. I tend to prefer klance becoming canon in later seasons or at the end or even an open ending with no confirmed romantic relationships because I am a sucker for character development and the idea of Keith and Lance both harboring these feelings that at first are just admiration and respect but then escalate to yearning for one another or becoming close friends at the end of the show and getting to imagine anything I want post canon is EVERYTHING if you give me S7 Garrison klance I’ll keel over and thank you like I was a second away from dying of thirst and your gift was a truck load of water

[tangentiallyrelated]

Year in review!! Tagged by @trazynstolemygender thank youuuuuu

Movie: it wasn't my first time watching it, but Princess Mononoke was definitely my movie this year. Every time I watch it I have to spend like five hours just thinking about it. The depth. The detail. The art. The music. Fucking impeccable movie

TV show: Trigun Stampede!!!! I'm so fucking obsessed with this show. The animation is so smooth and gorgeous, the action scenes are sick as fuck, I LOVE a dystopia sci-fi setting, and the characters and plot are so engaging and fascinating. I cannot wait for a season two (god there had better be a season two)

Book: okay I haven't finished it yet but I'm gonna go with Articulate Flesh: Male Homoeroticism & Modern Poetry by Gregory Woods. I've always loved poetry and queer history and culture and this book goes super in depth with it (specifically focused on homoerotic poetry of the 20th century), especially discussing how the sexuality of a poet and artist in general can be vital to the interpretation and understanding of their work. Extremely good book

Album: gotta be Intention by Watsky. Absolutely baller album and I was so lucky to see him live during his last ever tour under the Watsky name this past spring. WHAT'S THE MOVE was my number one song on spotify this year for good reason lol

Food: it's not fancy but I got super into making turkey sandwiches in this really specific way earlier this year and they just fucking slap. Had one like two days ago

New thing: uhhh probably my relationship!! Met my partner at the end of February and we've been dating ever since, it's the healthiest relationship I've ever had!! Love him to bits

Misc: I went to a rock show for the first time this year and got soooo many cool rocks. Very excited to go again next year

Photo: I uhhh don't really have any SFW photos of myself so have a pic I took walking home from work! It's my first year living in the city and it's been crazy

[merriclo]

sigh okay. i would like to preface this by saying i don’t care if you think Link is cishet or whatever, but at the end of the day this isn’t about Zelda, it’s about oppressing others through religion. i’ve done my part in reading your posts and understanding your views, and i don’t expect you to agree, but i ask that you hear me out. apologies for any odd wording of misspellings, it’s 2 AM.

1. Yes! very true, Link does infiltrate Gerudo town for the purpose of saving Zelda and Hyrule. however, that’s not what the image’s inclusion was for and you know that. in this scene, Vilia (who is either a trans-woman or a drag queen) gives Link the Gerudo Vai set, then compliments and flirts with them, causing Link to blush as shown. the queerness behind this is blatant.

2. i disagree, there is certainly enough information. but, if you truly are confused, i found you the article: Pride in Zelda: The Non-Binary nature of Link and an Argument Against Linkle by Emi Curtis on Zelda Dungeon. i believe the article elaborates for me.

3. again, that’s not what the image’s inclusion was for and you know that. i’m sorry if this sounds mean, but it feels like you’re being purposefully obtuse, and this would be a much more productive conversation if you weren’t. Sheik was included because Zelda, in Ocarina of Time, purposefully chose to disguise themself as a man despite there being no need to. their disguise would’ve been just as effective if it was female presenting and they simply, say, changed their hair color. in most cases, changing one’s presenting gender is a far greater feat than a simple aesthetic change. we can easily conclude that there’s an in character reason for Sheik being a guy, and that it’s because he’s trans.

4. this is, to my knowledge, a perfectly understandable interpretation, and i won’t tell you that you’re wrong for this point. however, i will say that, as an ex-mormon, i relate to Zelda’s arc in this because Hylia failed her, and it was only when she went to herself and those she loved for answers that she succeeded. also the reason that image was included was because she was saying “curse you” to Hylia, which uhhh cursing your own god is kind of against a lot of christian principles.

5. this comes from the same article as point 2, also your argument is blatantly false: nonbinary, genderqueer, and intersex people exist.

6. you’re correct, they can be. however take a moment and exercise those reading comprehension skills and analyze Shadow and Vio’s dynamic in the manga. discrediting the manga entirely simply because it’s not canon is doing a fundamental disservice to the works of Akira Himekawa. the two woman who worked tirelessly to produce the manga should be treated with respect. if you doubt their legitimacy, please do your research and understand how the manga was created closely with the games, quite literally being done parallel to the development of Majora’s Mask. yes, they are often drastically different, but they still follow the themes of the games and are approved by Nintendo and the head creators of the Zelda franchise. respect the creatives behind the franchise you adore.

7. again, yes. again, that’s not what the image’s inclusion was for and you know that. the addition of tri-force heroes in this post is to include every time Link crossdresses in that game, an activity not typically deemed acceptable in conservative circles. if this was an isolated occurrence, such as Zelda’s dress being the only one available to be worn in that game or if none of the other gender-ambiguous examples existed, i’d understand your insistence on this being without any trans-ness. but, alas.

8. at risk of sounding like a broken record, that’s not what the image’s inclusion was for and you know that. the point was Zelda’s blushing and her heart beating, as well as the specifically chosen flowery, sparkly void background which is typically used in manga and anime during romantic scenes.

9. how many times must i say this: that’s not what the image’s inclusion was for and you know that. i trust that you, as an adult, should be able to understand what the context of an image is within a post, and the fact that you seem to be ignoring it is concerning at best. Bolson defies/goes against gender norms, norms that conservatives love to adhere to.

i don’t care if you see your religion in Zelda, i actually think that’s a beautiful connection to have with such a franchise, but the beliefs you spread are actively harmful. i would be happy to have an actual conversation with you, i know a lot about these fears (both on yours and mine) and am open to a dialogue.

Conservative and Christian themes in The Legend Of Zelda moodboard

[catboylupin]

I was curious what is it about Remus that draws yourself and others in? I ask this as someone who identifies so much with him and it’s endlessly fascinating to me what drew him to people and others interpretations of him. How do you see him?

you see, remus is my little meow meow. also:

i think the werewolf thing is endlessly generative and can be analogous to many things. he is basically a vessel for exploring what it means to be human, wrestling the beast within, i am the thing? is the thing me? am i seperate from the thing? etc. you can use lycanthropy as a conduit to interrogate gender and shame and disability and assimilation and liberation. basically this post and this post and this

feels like some ungodly evil thing. sometimes he is ok with that.

he wants nothing more than to be loved/ have friends but at the same time he could be incredibly antisocial. in one way or another everything to remus is a sort of performance (part of this is rooted in his need to come off as a Good Werewolf/ general self loathing)

basically, for people whose every social interaction feels like a performance, “maybe i should stop pretending to be a person” is a relatable sentiment. (that is cringe, i know!! but it’s how i feel) 

has bursts of anger/ brashness. emotionally unpredictable. people around him are never exactly sure how he’ll react to a given situation.

being offered unconditional love is scary for him because it feels temporary/ like he doesn’t deserve it. however when he allows himself to be loved he can form these very close and deep relationships in which he is more authentically himself. 

lies constantly. and can be closed off emotionally/ uncommunicative and then expect other people to read his mind and understand what he needs 

basically he has a No One Understands Me complex yet makes little effort to be understood  

condescending. will give you unsolicited advice that he himself will not follow. also has a superiority complex (modern day remus would’ve regularly browsed /mu/. ‘oh you’ve never heard mbv? normie....’)

aloof but makes an effort to be kind. as a student i think he was considered friendly/ would help you with your homework if you asked 

has a tendency to see relationships as transactional 

has the same vibe as the band talking heads. i know this is a cringe thing 2 say but he matches their ‘cerebral awkward art students meet the nyc punk scene’ energy. they were his favorite band too.

stoner. at hogwarts he was The guy to go to for illicit substances 

enjoys the presence of women… outside of the marauders most of his friends r gals. mama’s boy etc.  

very cognizant of the fact that he is friends with two best friends, i.e. if the sidewalk was too small for three people he would be the one to walk behind them. he is okay with this but if he thinks about it for too long it might start to sting a bit. 

enjoys being choked in bed lol 

has little interest in controlling people/ has a healthy distrust of authority. as a prefect he would let most things slide, as a teacher he would let you retake tests as many times as you wanted. said voldemort, not youknowwho. all of these things r canon btw 

chronic pain. pure projection here, but he also has hearing loss. 

turned homework in late and i cannot decide if he was a very attentive question asking note taking student or just did not pay attention at all and then went to the library at night and tried to teach himself everything he was supposed to learn in class. 

the early 80s were uhhh tough for him. drugs as a coping mechanism/ substance abuse etc. never stayed in one place too long/ travelled a lot. 

will never apologize and acts completely irrationally to avoid confronting his insecurities. 

smart but not as naturally gifted and talented at everything the same way s and j were. he actually had to try in school, and doing well was important/ high stakes for him because he couldn’t just live off his family’s money for his entire life

very much a pisces in that at times he liked to sort of marinate in his sadness…… because when you are the one being victimized you cannot be a monster, right?  

dirt under his fingernails. holes in his socks. 

likes to do things that makes him feel in control of his life and his body. 

doesn’t kill bugs. catch n release. will hold a spider in his bare hands. sirius it’s okay it won’t hurt you. sirius please don’t kill it. pls.

likes being alone but not as much as he likes being around his friends :)

and basically everything @wolfbuck has ever said about him being welsh.

[littlerosetrove]

SO THIS EPISODE SLAPPED

I know I need to sit with this episode for longer, but I need to get this out of my system for now. Side note though, I’ve already seen some awesome meta/analysis on my dash today, so I can only imagine what this fandom is gonna cook up in the week until the next episode.

Uhhh I tried to keep things concise, but, well… ✌️

Eddie - It’s been three months since he quit the 118, and he is clinging Hard to his lifelong mantra of, “I don’t need help. I am keeping it together. I’m fine.” 💔 - Truly the screenwriters, Ryan’s acting, the directing, the costuming etc etc went above and beyond to show us how Unwell Eddie is. Fucking heartbreaking, but mmmmm his recovery and healing is gonna be So Good. - We are truly in a lawsuit arc Remix with Eddie. He’s hurting, feeling like he has no one he can turn to, that he doesn’t have anyone on his side; just like Buck did. And just like Buck, Eddie lashed out at Bobby (poor Bobby). I did not expect that scene with Bobby, but damn did it serve. That scene alone deserves a dedicated post. - Eddie finally had a conversation with Chris!! We’re starting to get somewhere. There’s more to unpack and talk about, but it’s a start. It’s also clear that Chris is aware that his dad is not okay… 👀 - Kris ( @hattalove ) pointed out that the conversation between Chris and Eddie - the whole “I can be brave too” - sounded ominous, and shiiiiiiiit I am not ready for this foreshadowing. O_O - The Dinner Scene………..I need more time to process that. But I’m not mistaken in Petty Bitch Eddie came to serve. - He Was At The Bar. Guys. GUYS. And his focus? WAS ON BUCK. 🙃🙃🙃

Buck - Oliver killed it in this episode. - Buck had such a strong vibe this episode of, “Ladida, everything is fine. I am fine. Things are going to be fine.” He has some serious cracks in his foundations, and he is frantically trying to patch things up. - Buck is spiraling So Hard. His entire being is an indicator, but two major ones are 1) kissing Lucy and 2) panicking about hurting Taylor so he takes a hard left and asks her to move in with him. Yikes on bikes. Let me be clear. I am not worried that Buck is going to continue anything with Lucy (even if he does, i get it because: spiraling). Again, Buck has been spiraling the entirety of season 5, even since the end of season 4. We have the kitchen scene with Eddie who says, “You need to move on, I have.” To which if you understand Buck, you must know he interpreted that as, “I, Eddie, have moved on from you and our partnership that we had.” And probably more to that. In any case, Buck took it the wrong way, cause he’s Not In A Good Mental State. His relationship with Taylor has been a massive trigger to his trauma. Whether Buck admits it or not, he’s been feeling so empty with Taylor. Enter Lucy. BUT. If you were paying attention to the kiss scene, Buck was so torn and conflicted about what was happening and what he was doing. Buck is so desperate right now to feel like he belongs to something and someone. He’s feeling so untethered. He just wants to feel something. I may not care for cheating storylines, pretty much ever, but I get it. Also also, this is about Buck, ya know? Lucy is a wrench, but it comes back to Buck just trying to figure his shit out. - BTW, Hen was never going to be able to get through to Buck about Taylor. It has to be Eddie (...or Maddie). Buck got through to Eddie about Ana, so. 👀 - OH. AND. I cannot IMAGINE how Buck will react when he finds out Bobby stopped Eddie from coming back (for now because Bobby said “not yet”). I’m gonna guess NOT GREAT. 

Bobby - He is just trying so hard to look out for and take care of his family at the 118. 💕💕💕

May - Stunning as always, just like Ravi. I need more scenes with her and Eddie. I want to explore more of that (potential) friendship dynamic. - Give more screen time to May at dispatch instead of Josh who was a dick to Eddie.

Josh - I have been fine with his character in the past. His little backstory episode was unnecessary, but whatever. Overall, he was fine. - Now though? Bruh. I did not care for how he dismissed May in early 5A bringing up the fact that Claudette was bullying her. And now he was a weirdly unnecessary dick to Eddie. Just- what??? I’m pretty damn sure Josh has done exactly what he told Eddie not to do. Okay hypocrite. Idk, Josh was on some high horse nonsense.

Greenway - I don’t trust him. I’m not kidding. I think we’re being given a false sense of “this guy is harmless” and I see right through it. - He kept touching Hen’s shoulder. Why. Bruh, why do you feel comfortable doing that. - I am in the camp that either he or Lucy are going to do Something Bad. Like start a fire.

Lucy - Y’all, she’s a foil to Buck. She’s a plot device, just like Lena Bosko was because we are paralleling season 3 right now. - I think Lucy is a shit stirrer. - I think she likes to create drama when she feels like it, that’s the impression I’m getting. And so Lucy is interesting in the sense that she is indeed creating drama. That’s fine. But do I care to learn more about her? No. Absolutely not, and I don’t think we will because we don’t need to. Her purpose is to essentially teach Buck a lesson, and then we can all move on. - She’s temporary, it’s fine.

Taylor fucking Kelly - I already made a post about her, but the tldr is: girl please get a friend, and get off this River of Denial for everyone’s sake. - We are so close to her being gone from this show. We’re almost there.

[kinokoapologist]

Hey, have you seen the villain SMP on gumi yumi's YouTube channel? I'd be curious to hear what you have to say about it!

-⭐

Thank you for asking! I hadn't heard of it before getting this ask, but I went and watched the first chunk of it on YouTube! I'd intended to watch the entire thing before I answered this but uhhh we will get into why I didn't end up doing that

*I wanna start off with a disclaimer that this is in no way meant to be mean/hate to the creator of this AU, who I think is a very talented artist and clearly has a lot of cool concepts they are excited to share with an audience, which is incredibly awesome! We just have some different interpretations on certain characters, which is totally fine! But since my opinion was asked for, I want to give it honestly*

…they really had me in the first half, ngl

Like. I love the initial concept. And the character designs slap. They're very well done animatics, clearly made by someone with a lot of talent! Those first few videos are such an effective balance of Fun Villain Vibes and Unsettling Atmosphere

But boy does it lose me with the way c!Quackity and c!Wilbur are framed. Which sucks, because I actually liked Wilbur's initial appearance in the AU a lot. The "Duobur" videos are great as an isolated horror scene: the way that Wilbur's loss of autonomy is framed in those animatics, with Redza and the Villain!Bench Trio basically forcing Wilbur out of control of his own body/mind because they think Ghostbur is the "better" (or, more accurately I'd thought, more passive) version could go down some really interesting routes that I thought were being set up given the initial tone the series seemed to have. The pitch here was "what if these characters were villains?" and here they were doing A Bad Thing That Would Cause Conflict.

Like, I could be totally interpreting it wrong, but those first three videos in the series seemed to me like they were implying that Bench Trio had themselves been victim to something of a hostile mental takeover, Tubbo and Tommy especially. I thought we were setting up some creepy supernatural possession shit! I thought we’d see some Jekyll and Hyde style mental confrontations and battles for control! And I was about that shit! Let's go full horror! But then when I got to the "Fracture" animatic the creator straight up said in the caption (which also... not how you should be using captions) that they don't like c!Wilbur and came up with the entire "duo" concept out of spite.

They also straight up said they hate c!Quackity in that video, so that's where I stopped watching.

Which sucks, because I also really liked c!Quackity's initial appearance. 1. Because the song Devil's Train slaps, and 2. because it told us right off the bat that this AU's Q still cares so much about Karl and Sapnap, to the point that he's still going to check on them even when he's angry at them. And like, the concept of Quackity giving away Las Nevadas to save their lives??? That shit is some fun character-specific tragedy and I'm all over it for an AU of this concept. Plus like, the fucking symbolism/imagery of "Casinoboo" trapping them in playing cards?? Iconic.

BUT the scene around that moment... rubs me the wrong way to put it lightly. I simply do not fuck with "ohhh nooo, Quackity has become the new Dream!" in any capacity. It makes me annoyed at best and deeply uncomfortable at worst. Especially when Casinoboo kidnapping Karl and Sapnap and turning them into literal game pieces to manipulate Quackity in turn is framed as a #girboss moment, and Dream's carefully planned abuse of one of Ranboo's closest friends is given a dismissive handwave as he's let out of Pandora's Box. Which I also have beef with. Why are we letting Dream out of Pandora's Box. Why are we acting like he's part of the quirky little villain family. The Man Is A Serial Killer. Why is DNF driving the season finale bus all of a sudden–

Ranboo letting Dream out with the justification that Quackity had become a bigger threat was the first moment that started making me go "eh" with the AU, but there had still been a lot of stuff in the early animatics that I'd liked, so I'd wanted to keep watching through to the end. But as I said, I really Was Not Having A Fun Time Anymore when the person making the AU straight up said they hated my favorite character. At the end of the day I simply am not going to connect with any AU pushing the idea that "oh the smp would be so much better if everyone tried to get that silly Quackity to stop fighting back when he gets knocked down, can't he just roll over and take it like he's supposed to?"

All of this with the massive disclaimer that, again, I didn't watch the last 10 or so videos in the playlist. Maybe everything took a massive turnaround and there were some great fiance moments I missed. Maybe Wilbur gets some self-affirming moment where he gets valued as an individual outside of being the vessel for the smoothed over, "easier to manage" version of himself. I know that Glatt showing up was being teased before I clicked off, maybe he got some scenes with Quackity (or Tubbo) that brought back that unsettling/horror tone I liked in the first half. I also didn't see any of the potential follow up on whatever the mystery with Ranboo was "seeking guidance" on in the season 1 finale video, so I can't really give thoughts on wherever his arc was going. But that's my thoughts on what I saw! This is probably way too long of an answer, but as you can tell I like talking character analysis and narrative framing. I know post is mostly me discussing issues I had but I had a lot of fun with this! Like I said, gumi yumi is very talented and I admire the amount of work they’ve clearly put into this AU. Just not my personal cup of tea

[dormarunt]

Maybe the Berlin spin-off will have more scenes of Andrés thinking about Martín, what their relationship meant to him- more of the character-analysis stuff, introspection. I agree this was lacking in s5. instead we got boring rafael scenes that added nothing to andrés' character, just made half fandom (i mean, the general lcdp fandom) hate the flashbacks lol.

MAYBE. The spinoff is such an unknown at the moment it's just open to any and all speculation to me. If part 2 of season 5 has showed us anything it's that the writers & showrunner realized how important Berlermo is to the fans. They could have very well "diluted" all the Berlermo scenes to minimally convey Martin's motivations, but they didn't, they went all in. I mean - "I'm here for a man and an idea"? "This is for you, Andres"? And the fever dream that was episode 7. THEY KNOW. So unless Rodrigo has other plans or thinks he's squeezed as much as he could out of the character, I think it's possible we're going to have Berlermo.

NOW - the thing is, how much they'll want to lean into it. We know (ish) that Andres and Martin have known each other for ten years, but we also know that Andres has had five whole wives. I'd love to see a mix of that; Andres' life of crime, serial marrying, but with a healthy side of Martin also being there. Preferably not as the third wheel, sighing and pining on the sidelines.

I'd love to see an empowered Martin, who yeah, still pines, but I'd love it if the show focused equally, if not more, on how competent he is at his job. All the while both of them are complete assholes to everyone around them and absolute besties to each other.

I think I'd be 100% bummed out if fate turns into a prankster genie and interprets my wish of getting a post-chapel Andres by having him reflect on how that whole thing affected him, and then focusing on the time after that when we know he hasn't met Martin (unless they want to change and, imo, dilute canon by having them meet afterwards somehow).

Just throwing around maybes here, but I think Diana Gomez (playing Tatiana) recently had a baby and I guess it depends on her if she's willing or able to be a part of this spinoff. As much as I love her, I think I had just the right amount of their relationship so I'd be fine if she didn't show up. I think their marriage was a short one anyway.

The scenes with Rafael though-- Pina says he thought to link the viking heist to the resolution of the gold heist at the very last minute, so. WTF was with those scenes then?? I used to think they were there to herald the fact that Rafael would be a part of the spinoff - esp since the guy was heavily in the marketing of S5. But the way they structured things, with Rafael and Tatiana "running off together"-- how is that going to work out? UNLESS they make the entirety (or most) of the spinoff about the time after the wedding, after the chapel (when Martin isn't there), a time when we know Andres wasn't at his ~best (according to Tatiana at least)

Honestly, if I get more Cormorants doing crime together, I'll be happy. If they throw in a lil' bit of Andres' reaction and feelings post-chapel, I'll be ready to call that spinoff the best series of 2023 because I'm that easy to please and a slut for Berlermo. And that's going to be a hard distinction to give since 2023 will give us season 2 of Arcane and that show is near-perfection.

Question for uhhh anyone really - do you think Tatiana left Andres because 1) she fell in love with Rafael (for some reason), as Andres inquired, 2) she was disappointed in what Andres delivered vs what he "promised", as she said 3) a little bit of both?

[sparxwrites]

dude loved the dsmp fic u did with technoblade and quackity. The second part of the series where quackitys trauma with schlatt came up in the most unexpected way near the end- cool af. if u ever have time and the desire I'm sure many other people would love to see more dream smp stuff from u 💜💜😳💜💜!!! I'm so curious what made u think of such a raw scene b/een Q and techno in the aftermath of the butcher army execution in the first part

okay, so- context for this is that i wrote the redux because a friend threatened promised to actually fuckin pay me to watch techno's pov of the execution, and to write an alternate version where techno's braid got cut off. i genuinely enjoyed the video, ended up doing the fic for funsies and writing a lot more than intended, and got brainworms about doing a sequel.

however. that meant that basically i was working on a) two hours of footage, mainly of techno, and b) snippets i had picked up from fanart, animatics etc. for characterisation. so i wrote 2k of relatively generic "bully asshole guy dubcons woobie asshole guy into sex that he totally definitely doesn't want but kind of secretly does", because that's a solid chunk of my brand, just as a "haha smutty fic machine go brrr" kind of thing.

and then i actually watched some more content. and went, oh, whoops, hmm, this Absolutely Doesn't Work At All with the actual characterisation of these two.

because techno is an asshole, but he's a joy-of-the-hunt, intimidating-you-is-kind-of-funny asshole, not a sleazy dubcon asshole. and because quackity is... i was going to say "the complete opposite of a woobie", but actually he's kind of a woobie in function (victimised constantly), but the diametric opposite of one in form (responds by attempting to take chunks out of anyone that so much as looks at him kindly, as opposed to weeping in a corner somewhere).

so then i had 1k+ of smut machine go brr (i had written up to abt the first time techno pulls out, i think), and a suddenly really interesting character dynamic that didn't really work with the plot i'd had in mind. which is probably why it ended up so "raw", as you put it - because the only way out of the corner i'd written myself into, without discarding the whole thing, was to lean into how bad this would end up being for both parties involved. so it became instead techno throwing his weight around as an intimidation tactic (death is relatively cheap in minecraft; as far as he's concerned, if quackity really really didn't want this, he'd have taken the loss of inventory and opted for a quick kill/respawn) and ending up in over his head/doing something he wouldn't normally do but wasn't overly concerned about; and quackity acquiescing because schlatt (whilst mostly never outright "pin you down as you beg me to stop") was extremely bad at taking no for an answer, and so he got used to just taking whatever he was given because he'd otherwise be called a pussy for it and/or ground down until he agreed.

which is why everything falls apart at the end, and the dynamic flips - the minute techno realises this isn't hatesex-ish with quackity being a bitter mouthy shit as usual, he's like "uhhh Nope Nope Nope" and wants to get the fuck out of there asap, because sexual assault is really not part of his whole "good clean kill, joy of the hunt" thing. except quackity, laden down with trauma about this kind of shit and probably dissociating out of his fucking skull/in the middle of a flashback, interprets this as "he thinks i can't take it", and is absolutely desperately trying to avoid the verbal abuse and humiliation he associates with not being """strong enough""" to take whatever abuse his partner wants to dish out prove he's a big boy and doesn't need to be coddled.

so! that's how i accidentally ended up with plot and/or actual emotions in what was meant to be some fun, dubiously-consensual porn lmao. and now i'm slightly obsessed w this dynamic between quackity and techno, and the potential follow-through of them dealing with the fallout from it. watch this space maybe??? or don't, because i'm bad at following through on writing stuff, but we'll see.

(and thank u for the compliments as well! glad u liked the fics :3c more fucked up nonsense with quackity to come shortly, i promise~)

[utapri-hcs]

Alright Zuzu Nugget, I’m giving you a very important Hcs mission, do you think you can do it? The Gaming Lads. It’s open ended so just go for it.

GAMER BROS GENERAL HCS

This was really hard since it was so open ended! But I tried my best to make it as general as possible LOL uhhh if you wanted something in particular feel free to ask btw Nattie! I really like the gamer bros so I hope I gave them the toxic gamers energy they deserve. I didn’t know if you wanted it in terms of romantically or platonically so I went for an even middle ground and let it be up to your interpretation!!

-As everyone knows, Ren and Ai are our local gamer bros

-I want to imagine vtuber Renai because that’s hilarious tbh

-I don’t really know what their duo name would be

-Robobros?

-Like they play games and their bros?

-Cough also robot lad

-NyanNai?

-Like Nana, Ai and Nyan? Because they both kinda remind me of cats

-Especially in pop-animals

-Lovetus?

-Cause both mean Love and like Ren as lotus?

-LOVERS (IMAGINE IF THEY WERE CALLED LOVERS THATS REALLY FUNNY)

-NanAI?

-Like...8 and Ai= Nana + Ai cause Lotus have 8? I really don’t know

-It would be hilarious if they were called LOVERS tho

-Like livers but lovers

-idk

-It would be really funny if they were called lovers but they just shit on eachother

-“Is that really the best combo you can do Ren?”

-“Just you wait Aimi, soon you’ll be eating dust”

-“As if you could get me that low”

-Like they argue on stream like an old married couple

-I like toxic gamer Ai and Ren

-I feel like streams would be chaotic

-Like Ai would be singing on stream and Ren joins and is just like “You wanna play apex?”

-Ai is just like “You mean beating other people up?”

-The two top people in like every event ever is just these two losers

-I love them but they are absolute nerds

-Also it would be really cute if one of them had their favourite character’s event up and like the other one just kinda takes care of them

-Like Ren’s favourite character is having an event and Ai is just chilling in Ren’s apartment and delivers him food and drinks

-Like Ai playing for Ren when Ren can’t and vice versa

-Like Otoya would ask what happened to Ren and Ai is just like “He has gone to war”

-Ai has a tamagotchi and one time Ren killed it

-Ren couldn’t face Ai for the next two weeks

-Ren writing out a roleplay for him and Ai to read out on stream just like every Holostars Shien collab ever

-Also Ai and Ren owning matching cat headsets like the one that twitch streamers wear

-Ai clowning on Ren is peak content

-I love Ren and Ai but imagine toxic gamers RenAi

-“Aimi, how dare you beat my high score in Zombie Red”

-“Oh? That pathetic score was you? I was planning on taking all the high scores in that Arcade”

-“Darn you Roomba”

-“*smug roomba noises*”

-I love the idea of like Ren teaching Ai emotions though

-LIKE IMAGINE THEM PLAYING A OTOME GAME TOGETHER

-“Ren, why does Atsuna prefer that option”

-“Well, she’s follows the Tsundere archetype~ Soooo we pick the option that best suits her”

-Or like imagine them getting really emotional for a side character similar to that one scene in Nozaki-kun

-“Ren, why is this guy so invested in our love life? It’s not like he is in love with us right?”

-“Oh that’s because he is- Wait you might be onto something Aimi”

-I would like to imagine Ren sending really shitty gaming memes to Ai and Ai just sending very obscure hidden memes

-Also Ai getting Ranmaru to try a “gamer diet” for the new gaming event

-Ren fucking just laughs as Ranmaru texts him “Why the fuck do you guys drink so much damn Mountain Dew”

-Another hilarious idea is just Ren and Ai writing fanfics together or even reading them out on stream

-They write Fanfics about that one side character they got really attached to

-“‘And then Ren threw Ai over his shoulder and carried him to the nearest bed’ Can you even carry me?”

-“That’s a very good question”

-Also Ai going over to Ren’s apartment and doing random checks to see if he is in normal living conditions

-“Ren do you even know what’s in this drawer?”

-“Uh containers, bento boxes, I think a smoker? Uhhh and a spatula?”

-“Ren, why was there packets of rice in that drawer then?”

-Like one of the Starish lads come to visit Ren’s apartment and they just find two dead bodies in the living room trying to finish off Ace attorney: investigations in one sitting

-It was not a good idea

-I really find RenAi dynamic hilarious and I love them but they are actually such nerds

-As the last imagine; Ren and Ai finally defeating a really hard boss and just collapsing next to each other with soft giggles coming from both of them

[haec-est-fides]

Sorry to jump into some Heroes of Olympus stuff when I’m trying to stay in my Trials of Apollo lane, but I said to myself that if I saw another post about Octavian that mentioned the pillow pet or the stuffed animals in general, I would snap.

Let’s clarify this once and for all:

It. Was. His. Job.

That’s it.

Of all the things to analyze about him or hold against him, this is the absolute lowest priority. The thing is, it keeps getting circulated (and therefore fixated on as a foundational part of his character lore) because haha funny joke. It’s an easy thing to bully him over when you remove its context (and associated dignity), and that’s exactly what the protagonists do.

Octavian: “You’re letting these intruders into the camp? Reyna, the security risks--”

Reyna: “We’re not taking them to the camp, Octavian. We’ll eat here, in the forum.”

Octavian: “Oh, much better. You want us to relax in the shadow of their warship.”

Reyna: “These are our guests. We will welcome them, and we will talk to them. As augur, you should burn an offering to thank the gods for bringing Jason back to us safely.”

Percy: “Good idea. Go burn your bears, Octavian.”

(The Mark of Athena Ch. II)

The main characters make the stuffed animals a joke so that they can ignore and downplay all of the very serious and relevant things Octavian says. (Which is some seriously bullshit behavior btw.)

As odd as it sounds, gutting stuffed animals is literally the defining role of Octavian’s job as camp augur. He divines the will of the gods / the future via “entrails”. (Sure, that should technically be called haruspicy rather than augury, but I digress.)

Octavian himself explains it to us when he mentions that the ancients used to use real animals, but that times have changed.

“Uh, hi,” Percy said. “Are you killing small animals?”

Octavian looked at the fuzzy thing in his hand and laughed. “No, no. Once upon a time, yes. We used to read the will of the gods by examining animal guts -- chickens, goats, that sort of thing. Nowadays, we use these.”

He tossed the fuzzy thing to Percy. It was a disemboweled teddy bear.

(The Son of Neptune Ch. IV)

A) This was a practical decision by Riordan to maintain an ancient Roman tradition and parallel Camp Half-Blood’s oracle while keeping animal sacrifice out of books for young readers.

B) Nowhere do we have any evidence that it was Octavian who made the choice to change the old tradition and use stuffed animals instead. We don’t know how long augurs have been gutting stuffed animals at Camp Jupiter. Besides, pinning that change on Octavian means that he stopped animal sacrifice, which uhhh seems like a good thing?

Further, I just saw a rather well-intentioned post about Octavian (shocker) that still mentions the stuffed animals as a sign of him potentially being psychotic. This is partly why I’m convinced that the whole issue has been circulating as a joke for too long and, worse, is just badly misinformed.

See, that post argued that Octavian believed he could tell the future by gutting stuffed animals. Key word: believed.

But the canon fact is that he could. Full stop.

Here’s how we’re introduced to him and his abilities:

Clouds swirled over the largest temple, a round pavilion with a ring of white columns supporting a domed roof. “I’m guessing that’s Zeus -- uh, I mean, Jupiter’s? That’s where we’re heading?”

“Yeah.” Hazel sounded edgy. “Octavian reads auguries there -- the Temple of Jupiter Optimus Maximus.”

...

Above them, thunder rumbled. Red lightning lit up the hill.

“Octavian’s almost done,” Hazel said. “Let’s go.”

...

The kid at the altar raised his hands. More red lightning flashed in the sky, shaking the temple. Then he put his hands down, and the rumbling stopped. The clouds turned from gray to white and broke apart.

(The Son of Neptune Ch. IV)

As Percy says, pretty impressive -- especially if it’s somehow fake. How would he even fake that?! He couldn’t.

But, and here’s where our protagonists and their unreliable narration become the problem again, that scene is prefaced by what Hazel says on the way there:

“The camp augur we’re going to meet, Octavian, he’s a legacy, descendant of Apollo. He’s got the gift of prophecy, supposedly.”

“Supposedly?”

Hazel made a sour face. “You’ll see.”

(The Son of Neptune Ch. III)

We do not, in fact, at any point see anything that would warrant her “supposedly”. Hazel simply -- understandably -- hates and mistrusts Octavian because he’s blackmailing her.

The narrators routinely undercut Octavian over everything he does, because they’re biased. It’s no surprise that that mentality / perception had bled into the fandom, but we should be able to recognize that.

While lightning doesn’t happen every time Octavian does an augury, that doesn’t take away any of his credibility. (Personally, I think it would make sense for that to happen only at the Temple of Jupiter Optimus Maximus.) The same goes for his trying over and over again, inability to foresee certain events, and multiple interpretations of auguries. Augury is supposed to work this way.

Another point that proves Octavian could tell the future is that his abilities falter after Python takes Delphi early in Blood of Olympus, just like Rachel’s.

Mike shifted his considerable bulk. “You sound certain. Has your gift of prophecy--”

...

Once Jacob had hobbled off, Octavian’s face clouded. “Mike, I told you not to speak of my, ah, problem. But to answer your question: no, there still seems to be some interference with Apollo’s usual gift to me.” He glanced resentfully at a pile of mutilated stuffed animals heaped in the corner of the porch. “I can’t see the future. Perhaps that false Oracle at Camp Half-Blood is working some sort of witchcraft.”

(The Blood of Olympus Ch. VI)

Octavian’s comment about Rachel implies that his abilities have only been faulty since the legion neared Camp Half-Blood. Ironically, Percy later blames Octavian for Delphi (and therefore Rachel’s abilities) no longer working. Their powers go out simultaneously because they come from the same source.

We also know that Octavian was blessed by Apollo.

“Apollo spoke to me clearly last year at Camp Jupiter! He personally blessed my endeavors.”

(The Blood of Olympus Ch. VI)

Even if that blessing had nothing to do with his prophetic ability, as it seems as if Octavian has been augur for more than a year, it’s significant in that it shows that Apollo recognized and respected Octavian as one of his descendants (before everything went wrong). Being one of the few people to have the power of prophecy would help gaining Apollo’s respect, imo.

TL;DR: The only reason anyone doubts Octavian’s abilities is because the main characters, who canonically hate him and who have made a game of bullying and ignoring him because they don’t like what he has to say, constantly demean and dismiss him.

I’m all for the various interpretations of Octavian that the fandom has made, don’t get me wrong, but I am so tired of the stuffed animals thing. Can we please put it to rest?

[necroissants]

Okey so uhhh yea no one really asked but obviously thats not gonna stop me me!

Since I'm only just getting back into thinking about them and I have literally never done this before I'm going to just throw my thoughts out there like unshapely confetti and be like "go fetch!"

Also keep in mind that I did zero research before this and its all based on what I remember about the books when reading them like idk 7 years ago... I can not stress how little any of this might make sense lol

Ok here we go:

to start of unsuprisingly i think barely any of them are cishet (maybe with exception of Torte, I do not care for Torte)

I always read Melanie as a deeply closeted lesbian (esp bc of the Big Yikes Scene in the 5. Book)

And Trude definitely had a crush on her that she was aware of but stuffed deep deep down and chose to interpret as platonic admiration. Which is also why she always was boderline shitty to her bc she didnt know how to deal with that and tried to keep her at arms length.

Obviously that didnt work bc Trude is a Long Suffering Dramatic Gay who was willing to put up with way to much bullshit to stay close to her (I feel... seen lol)

(At some point when they got older they definitely would have to talk about this and I'd like to think that Meli did lots of deep self-reflection, maybe even went to Therapy, after her gay panic and eventually apologised to Trude)

I do think Meli and Willi actually did love each other but their relationship was based on a deep platonic understanding of each other

Willi understood Melanie better than anyone else and went along with her need to perform heterosexuality in front of their friends (like them making out around them constantly)

Which made it so hard for Meli when Willi actually fell in love with someone. Willi tried to stay friends with her but Melanie felt betrayed and abandoned and wasn't having it

I don't think the two of them actually talked about Meli being gay at the time although Willi kind of Knew but I think when Melanie finally stopped hiding it from herself Willi was the first person she told and they were inseparable again from that point on. The others just kind of assumed that they were back together

I remember even when I was reading the books for the first time at like 13 I was convinced that Wilma had the hugest intensest crush on Sprotte which she channeld into trying to impress all of the Hühner and join the Bande

And who could fault her if Sprotte was just out there in her shabby leopard leggings and wild red hair and over-all intensity and fierce loyalty to her friends who wouldn't have a gay awakening?!

Although that it was that was not immediately obvious to Wilma she definitely went that route of Very Intensely Wanting To Be Close to her and the others by extension

She kind of had to confront all those gay feelings once it became clear that those were not going away even after she joined the gang

Actually I think all of the Hühner, maybe with exception of Trude, had a crush on Sprotte at some point (I mean come on!!)

And Sprotte is definitely the kind of person who just Doesn't think about stuff until she absolutely has to! Although not in a violently outlashing denial way like Meli but in a "there is more important stuff to think about!" kind of way

Like that she has never really cared what gender the people she found interesting were or what gender she is. All of that is unimportant and a waste of time when the Pygmän are definitely planing something and they need to figure out what!!

At some point she would just accept that without much fuss and be like "allright then whatever"

Frida would deal with it in kind of a similar fashion although waaaaay less intense and more calm than Sprotte

She had that moment of "oh okey" much earlier that the others but because she is someone who does a lot of introspection anyway and is in general very calm about most things after carefully thinking them through she just very early on gained a level of comfort with her bisexuality

She did notice the stuff the others were going through because she is observant like that but didnt want to push

the only one she talked directly to about it is Trude after she found her crying bc of something Melanie had said to her and Trude broke down and told her about her very obvious crush on her best friend

After all that is something Frieda can understand even if her feelings for Sprotte are way less intense and dont hurt her like Trude's do

This talk really helps Frida and Trude bond and they share a new level of closeness and understanding afterwards

Fridas feelings for Sprotte kind of fade but maybe dont entirely go away after she falls in love with Mike - and why would they they are not bothering her and Sprotte after all is still her best friend

Sprotte definitely has one of those "huh..." moments after Fred shaves Fridas hair and she is a bit overwhelmed with all the confusing feelings of fondness and attraction and jealousy that she cant properly place and that are all mingled together

Okey this is getting waaaaay to long and im not even remotely close to being done but my headache is gone now and I can finally do some stuff that actually needs doing lol

I know this is probably only relevant or interesting for like two people but please talk to me about it??!

[meandmyechoes]

The more I think about Dark Disciple, the more I find something odd.

[28th March 17:46]

I keep referring to it as a ‘favourable experience’, and there is no question the writing is what made me fall totally head over heels about quintress, but I also just, can’t?

I mean, yes. It’s very passionate, dramatic, scenes and gestures I can only dream of. But I also, don’t really see it in that ’omg they totally belong together here are my sixty headcanons of them’ sense?

I am very involved in the pairing, but also don’t really, actively ‘ship’ it — like the way it was an open book with Rhayme or Latts Razzi (since it’s the same author that indoctrinated me to Captain Rhayme). I could imagine them being happily ever after and silly shenanigans and slow-burn. But the concept of a quintress fairytale ending is so wild. I can only ask how much it is tainted with my personal view on relationships.

I know the plot leaves little room for “the future” and fed us well on all tropes possible. But, it just never occurred to me to put them in any other clichés or invent a missing scene.

Winding up, I don’t think their relationship is "weak", but it’s very motivated by circumstances and once you take that out of them, you are a little bit lost. For example even during the illicit affairs month, I… can’t really propose one date that does not seem tonally insensitive. (I can think of them being cloak dorks and Vos bringing her to ice-cream, that’s it, after a long hard moment) Really, all I possibly want is that sweet, sweet angst and canon is already there so I have no complaint.

It’s just… I don’t really get why it has to be the two of them that fall for each other. I understand why they did, and I believe it— Perhaps it’s much more a physical attraction thing that I don’t really have personal experience with.

I don’t know if quintress classify as slow-burn because 10 chapters still seem a little quick in the grand scheme of things. (aside: I’m quite disappointed Ventress wasn’t doing much in the last quarter of the book.) My point is, they do feel a little bit puppet to tropes, and while it’s deliciously written, there’s not much potential outside of canon. And that lack of inspiration makes me grimace a little.

[3rd April, 01:39]

I’ve scrolled through the dd tag and let the book sank a little. I am better articulated to talk about the sexist criticism now.

It’s a romance story, and when I judge it by that (lower) standard, it ticks the boxes. However, it might be a weakness as well, due to the projectability of the heroes. And yes, the whole assassination is dumb. Yet, tcw has been consistently this dumb at us. The last two times when she’s more rooted in the dark she failed, sent Savage and failed, so she’s gonna do it again with Vos… after she put down her desire for revenge. right. and surprise! Our “assassination” plan is to find Dooku and duel him directly. right…

I’ve read a review that says the romance takes away from the plot. However, the romance IS the plot. The book IS supposed to revolve around the two of them. I do agree them becoming begrudging allies then partners is a more unique approach, more rewarding as foils as well. but I guess a romance is easier for the conventional to process ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With the “Ventress lose agency in falling for Vos”. Now, I can’t dictate how each of us buy into their physical attraction and chemistry (or lack thereof), and there’s no denial that a conscious human being is making that choice for the fictional character, I think the stance on this topic varied person to person from the above two factors, which are very different starting points.

I kept Katie Lucas’s foreword vividly in mind while reading. She said this is a story about people seizing chances to rebuild. That there’s always a choice. Cliché as it is, I believe ~the power of love~. I believe there exists someone you’re willing to sacrifice everything for, to overlook everything for, to forgive - to love them, warts and all. So, yes whether you think Ventress loses her agency to the romance, or if that’s a conscious choice on her behalf, is swayed heavily by how much you buy that they are the one.

[10th April, 10:30]

Yesterday I’ve been thinking a bit more about this. I do love this ship, I just don’t believe they’d be two people who find each other again and again in every life time, in every universe. That’s why, as magnificent as fireworks, it also won’t last.

To explore this, it’s not entire impossible for quintress to separate peacefully after this incident, but would that cheapen the build before? The entire motivation of dark!Quinlan hinges on his vision of their future. And say, Ventress did saved him and survived. How would he balance being a Jedi and his feelings - that’s publicly exposed to the Council? (sidenote: i really don’t like Ch. 27 where a bunch of old men are questioning their love life, but uhhh yes, I’m a sensible person!) For now, I’m seeing another Obi-Satine situation. And honestly how bad that an outcome is. It’s not like Ventress died for her war crimes! The show gave her a full pardon! So Idk man. Why can’t she leave him because she loves him and she exiled herself and they never see each other again WHY NOT FILONI WHY NOT.

Now I’m lamenting more what could’ve been with the two arcs. In Filoni’s original sketch, Aayla and Maul were involved. Man, that could’ve been the dream.

~~~

Part 2: [26th April, 15:15]

It has been… a month, since I finished Dark Disciple and I feel like it’s time to conclude all the thinking this book has made me do.

On the wider reflection about attachment and the Jedi Order, I still have to do more reading on it from other sources to form a concrete opinion. This theme won’t be touched on in this post yet, but I cannot shake how intriguing it is to compare “falling” in love to falling to the dark side. The temptation, and the submission to their emotions, the irrationality, the newfound curiosity, it all incites. Very curiously, it was Anakin Skywalker who commented that one is “blinded by love”

Okay, so what I’ve been scratching my head off the past two weeks is how I look at the romance between Asajj Ventress and Quinlan Vos. How would I define it?

Now this is as much as an exploration of how I view romantic relationships. Well, I’ve decided it wasn’t “love”, it was an “affair”. It was an affair because it’s a rush of passion, it’s a secret, it won’t last. Before I chop my own head off for bluntness, I mean it in, of course they are hopelessly in love with each other, that’s the exact premise of why it moved me so. But it wasn’t a complete relationship, wasn’t a healthy, sustainable one by any objective standards. Then, that’s the exact contradiction. Oh to throw caution in the wind with you, or to build a future with you?

Both are things I want a lot, and the ideal is of course one after the other. What quintress had (in the end) is definitely not something I’d want for myself, but it’s so fantastical, it’s alluring, just like the concept of falling in love - opening up yourself and trusting another person, is - it’s risky. That’s why it’s a sweet, sweet drug.

I’ve been so angry at all the red flags in this relationship. Reading this book, getting into both of their shoes, yelling NO like their best friends. But ultimately, what they had is unique to them and I can’t influence it in any way. Re-reading, I find myself holding myself back at all the places I was furious about going ‘You are smarter than this!’. Because it’s a tragedy, and the beautiful (I guess) thing is they chose each other.

The other day something on the dash inspired me to really think about ship dynamics. I, unashamedly admit, I’m VERY into Obi/Quin/Ventress in any and all combinations. *cough* I will not explain further.

I do accept the premise and I did discover they share quite a bunch of traits, but it confused me a while what made them cross the boundary, and it was, physical attraction (that the book was selling so hard I was blushing hot). I love them both a lot, and I would like to date them both, and I can see myself in either of them. Again comes the contradiction, is it a good thing to have characters so easily projectable, or do I want to see myself in more complex characters like them?

I probably lost quite a few cars stalling this train of thought. And I've been a canon apologist since forever. This book brought me a lot of emotional upheavals and a lot of food for thought. It brought me down to reflect on my romantic worldview and sexuality because I have nothing better to do. It totally challenged me as a writer and it’s just a really good novel by its right, regardless of the absurdity that is The Clone Wars. It’s a lot of firsts for me. And I really should find something better to do.

[26th April 16:00]

I must address that I got spoiled of the ending and the first and second half of the book probably went through some big changes.

If I cried for this book, it’s score would be even higher. And I’ve been so obsessed with discussing the relationship, without shedding light on the characterization, which is definitely an unfortunate side effect. Then it occurs that quite possibly the second half (26-42) deviated even further from the script than the first? It doesn’t have concept art or blocking, plus possibly (heavily) edited to omit correlation to other arcs. My major complaint for the second half is Ventress doesn’t do much and we know NOTHING about Vos, even though he is given screen time in the book. my, I just wish Ventress punch him harder and drag his idiotic mess back to the light sooner.

And to criticism about it being their ‘toxic’ relationship being portrayed as ‘true love’, well, it really depends on how thoughtful the reader is, right? I think if the reader is able to notice all these red flags and gave their own interpretation of the relationship and its outcome, it’d’ve been an educating experience. There’s what for the reader and what for the characters. They don’t know this ‘love’ is destroying them, and what kind of message is it sending? What ‘love’ depicted in the book is true then? I have my answers, and I hope every reader comes to their own as well.

[silver-wield]

Cloti Resolution Analysis

So I was sent an ask about analysing the promise scene between Cloud and Tifa, and I completely went to another plane of existence and did the Resolution instead. Oh well, enjoy the breakdown and I’ll get to bby Tifa and Cloud another time.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a VERY long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Ok, recapping for anyone who hasn't seen this yet.

We begin with Cloud waking, having heard someone leaving the house. He checks, it's not Barret, so he goes out to investigate and spies Tifa staring at the night sky.

Now from this there's actually an unmentioned possibility Cloud decides Tifa doesn't want company and leaves. This obviously doesn't happen because he's developed his character to the point where he'd put himself out for someone else and find out what's wrong. The point I’m making is that Cloud is that guy who’d say “Not interested” and leave, but because he cares about Tifa, he stays. 

Right away we get hints of concern on his face. Obviously, with everything they just went through and all the people they lost he's expecting something along those lines when he asks if she can't sleep. The head tilt that goes with this has echoes of chapter 3 when he invites Tifa to share her worries, only this time she's got her back to him so can't see it.

Tifa, for her part, isn't very forthcoming. She's quite closed off, almost unwilling to open up and talk. She's probably come out because – as she said – she can't sleep and didn't actually intend for Cloud to follow. She apologises for waking him. There was no intent on her part to force a confidence between them. We can't even see her eyes until she replies, which is intentional on the framing to further express her being closed off. Remember, eye contact matters and a lack of eye contact with the audience means she's hiding from us too.

Damn it, she's so clearly cut up but trying to hold it together here it breaks my heart! I'm trying to figure out if her eyes are already swollen from repressing the urge to cry or if it's my imagination. Either way, she's distracted. She's not focused on Cloud or the conversation that much. A distant, polite answer from her is likely meant to hint she's not up for a chat, which is why I love that Cloud doesn't leave. She needs comforting and he's aware of that.

Demoralised tone of voice. Keeps her back to him. Head bowed. She's totally in her own head at this point and having woken Cloud up is just another black mark. She wanted to be alone and wallow, but she can't even do that right. So, when Cloud brushes it off and even goes so far as to make a light-hearted joke – yes him saying it's a SOLDIER thing isn't about him drawing attention to the fact he's succeeded with that part of their promise, he's capable enough to protect her – he's saying it to lower her guard, and that's why she laughs. It's the opening he needs to encourage her to talk so he can find out what's wrong.

Ah, the moment people think this scene is all about Aerith. Excuse me while I roll my eyes.

Now, remember, in the previous glimpse of her we saw she had her head bowed. She's not looking at the stars anymore like she would when recalling her and Cloud's promise. She's looking down at the flowers. The same type of flower that Cloud gave her and she put on the counter in Seventh Heaven. This is why she brings up Aerith because she's the flower seller.

We're shown her feet at this point because she's turning. Cloud's little joke has opened her up enough that she believes she can face him. She can confide in him. She asks about the flower not because she's all about Aerith, but because the flower was in Seventh Heaven: her home. And what is the reason she's out there in the first place? Why can't she sleep? Because she just saw everything she holds dear crushed, literally. She watched Biggs and Jessie die – ok we know better but she doesn't. She let Aerith get kidnapped by Shinra and almost got Marlene killed too – yes, she's definitely the type to blame herself for this too. She's lost friends – who knows how many? There's death and fire and it's all because of Shinra, again.

Ah the other moment people believe makes this all about Aerith. That isn't a “I got caught with another woman” look of guilt. That's an “I lied to you,” guilty look because, if you remember, back when Cloud gave Tifa the flower she said, “What's up with you, buying flowers?” and he said, “A guy can change,” making her believe he'd purposely sought out Aerith to buy a flower for Tifa. Obviously, he doesn't want to contradict himself while she's in a heightened state, so he's all “uhhh.” That's an “I don't know what to say so this doesn't hurt her,” look.

Tifa awkwardly laughs it off. Poor thing, her misconception about Cloud's thoughtfulness is shattered without him having to say a word. Putting a brave face on it, but she's disappointed. And that's not because she thinks she's “lost” to Aerith, but she thought something of Cloud that wasn't right. She thought their relationship had moved on more at that point, which further supports the subsequent intimate moments between them. Now, she's wondering if anything she knew is right.

And that is clear disappointment that he didn't actually do it on his own initiative. Regret hits hard when it comes, right, Cloud?

It goes on with Tifa explaining she looked up the meaning of the flower – now we don't know when, but it's safe to assume it's around the time of the reactor 5 mission when Cloud goes missing. She likely got back to Seventh Heaven, spotted the flower, linked its importance to Cloud and then looked up the meaning. When she saw it symbolised reunion, she did everything she could to keep it alive as a symbol of hope they'd meet again. They'd be reunited. It isn't symbolising anything to do with Aerith. The reason she even brings it up is because of where they are. It's the location that prompts the association.

Now, remember, Tifa has lived through a massive tragedy once before. She literally lost everyone in Nibelheim. It's stated in other media that Shinra rounded up survivors and gave them to Hojo – they became numbered experiments or died. Tifa is the only survivor and she only made it out because her teacher, Zangan, found her. It's also implied that anyone else from Nibelheim was tracked down and killed to silence them after Shinra remade the town – so on the off chance that Tifa went to Midgar to find people she knew, she wouldn't find any in the town and when she asked after Cloud at Shinra she was told he went missing, which explains why she says she's so glad to have Cloud back.

When she says the flower is dead and buried, she's relating it not to her relationship with Cloud – I mean he is literally ten feet in front of her listening to her and offering a shoulder to cry on. No, she's relating the flower to the location. She's talking about her home. Where before she linked it to reuniting with Cloud, once she learned about the danger to sector 7 she linked the flower to reuniting with the people most dear to her there. These are people she's known for five years. She's not a callous, unfeeling bitch, who only focuses on herself and some dude she's just got back in touch with. It's clear from NPC dialogue while you're running around that Tifa is very much loved and respected – and crushed on – in the slum. The people love her and she loves them. She wanted them to be safe more than anything. Her entire arc getting back to the sector is filled with panic. Her focus is her home and the hope she finds it and the people safe.

So, now she's saying that hope she clung to, like the flower, is dead.

And there it is, the brave smile that falters. She's trying so hard to not burden anyone because – as Marle says later on – crying is pointless. Remember, Marle is the one who looked after Tifa, which means Marle's mindset is the one Tifa's been exposed to from 15 to 20. Remember, Tifa is only 20 years old. She's not some grizzled warrior, she's a young girl who had to watch her father die, her town get burned to the ground and be left alone. The only survivor. Until Cloud. Marle has taught her it's pointless to cry; Avalanche and everyone in it has told her she needs to be tough and hard and unfeeling if they want to succeed. But, Tifa doesn't want anyone to die. Not her friends or her enemies. She's not got that hard core, no matter how much she acts cool and detached.

And this is the point that Cloud is likely hearing about his home for the first time. We know he was there, but it's one of those memories he's shut out. The reminder is one of the few times he doesn't get a flash of pain, either. That soft exhale of surprise, the eyes widening just a touch. Cloud hadn't thought to relate his past to this event, and likely hadn't related it to Tifa, either. He's shut it out, so expected her to, as well. This is a musing expression. He's thinking about what she just said. It hits him this is where her emotions are focused. She's in the past, and that gives him the chance to think about the past. This is what opens him up to needing comfort just as much as she does, because he's not processed his grief either. They're both stuck in that place where they weren't allowed to mourn the people they loved and all they've lost.

Then we're treated to a reminder of the physical distance between them in this scene – which has been a theme between them since the start. There's physical distance, that closes at times, then widens again, highlighting how they're struggling to find their way back to each other for various reasons. Cloud because he can't fully relate to his feelings for her and Tifa because she's too afraid of losing him to truly open up.

And then Tifa takes those few steps – that seemed to take forever – to meet him. She's looking for comfort from the Cloud she knew. The real Cloud. His expression here is surprise because, well, Tifa's just not like that, remember? She's reserved and self-contained. He wasn't expecting her to do this. He's once again confronted with a woman being forward. Only, it's different this time because it's Tifa and he knows and trusts her and has all these complicated feelings he can't define. He knows part of him – the 14 year old who wants his crush to notice him – is ok with this. It's what he wants. That's why he doesn't move. He wants to offer her comfort, be the strong capable SOLDIER he thought she wanted.

Oh, but look, the dawning realisation he's just as upset as she is. His hard expression wavers, just for a moment, and he looks cut up. He doesn't know if he can be the strong SOLDIER right now because, just as she's processing grief, he is too.

Hearing her sob, really sob, is hard for Cloud to take. Just like in the pillar when Jessie said, “Tifa's crying,” and Cloud lost his cool for a moment and felt like a failure. He couldn't prevent any of it. He let her down. Listening to her cry tugs at the latent feelings he has for her, but he's still so wrapped up in that fake persona of what he thinks he should be that he doesn't know what to offer her in comfort. You can hear a couple of attempts at speech, but ultimately he doesn't say anything.

I wasn't gonna screen this bit, but what the hell.

You can see the hesitation in his movements. He doesn't know if he should hug her. Tifa's hand isn't quite touching Cloud as it moves from his side to his shoulder, but then when he pulls her in close there's full contact between them with no space. I mean, he's holding her tight.

After the pan away to the stream – which is likely a nod to the lifestream scene in the OG – we're back with them and Tifa's calmed down somewhat.

Cloud's distracted. We can only guess what he's thinking about, but considering the conversation they just had it's probably a blank with vague unsettled grief about his past that he can't grab hold of. He knows he can relate with Tifa at that moment. He's hugging her so tight he hurts her. He's hugging so tight because he needs comfort from her just as she does from him. He lost people too. He's so in his own head that he doesn't quite hear her say his name at first, and then I speculate he expected to hear something else besides, “you're hurting me,” if that very soft “hmm?” is anything to go by. His head was in a place where the outcome of their moment was different. Hurt/comfort is a thing after all.

And then there's the “oh shit, I can't even comfort her properly” moment. He's dismayed he hurt her when he was supposed to be helping. That boy with a crush is mortified and the grown ass man isn't much better. He's ruined the intimacy and lack of emotional distance by failing. Again.

But that doesn't mean he won't linger until the last possible second before stepping back again. The downturned mouth, frown and concern are clear. He doesn't think he did very much at all for her. Does he feel guilty about hurting her, not being the man she deserves? Possibly. He definitely looks regretful. Likely thinking what he could've done better. He wasn't much help at all to her.

“It's stupid. I know that crying's a waste of time.”

Ah, here's what he can do for her. His physical comfort missed the mark, but this is something he can do. He can reassure her. Get back some of that emotional closeness between them. And it succeeds. Tifa's gratitude is clear in her tearful smile and heartfelt thank you.

Conclusion.

How romantic is this scene? I hear no one asking cause you all made up your minds well before I even started. Well, from my pov, I'd say it's definitely up there, although it's very heavily rooted in hurt/comfort and relying on their childhood closeness to further their intimacy. But, that's ok because plenty of great couples begin like this and there's usually a moment like this within Final Fantasy narratives.

Rinoa/Squall's Ragnarok scene? There was no kissing in that either, but the emotional intimacy was clear. And Squall is just as big a butthead as Cloud tbf.

Tidus/Yuna laughing scene? Hahaha, I bet you thought I'd mention the lake instead? Well, no because that is clearly intimacy on a different level to this. We're at the developing intimacy stage, and that stage in 10 was them confiding in each other and laughing together.

This is Cloud/Tifa sharing their grief and comforting each other. The scenes parallel. Whether or not this means it's canon is up to you to decide, but combined with all the compilation evidence – yeah, I've heard the latest argument that compilation doesn't count anymore and until it's confirmed by Square I'm not listening – it does heavily suggest that Tifa and Cloud's relationship will continue along this route to the endgame where they confirm their feelings for each other under the Highwind.

[rivalsforlife]

I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE DOING COMMENTARY hope it's not too late to ask for The Scene at the end of chapter 5 of the catch up game?? if no one else has asked?

It is never too late to ask!! Genuinely you could probably ask me six months from now and I’ll ramble on about all this, I’m generally down to talk about my writing all the time. (And I’m actually a little surprised nobody asked about The Scene yet... oh well haha)

First though: have you seen this art yet? If you haven’t you should. It was going around twitter again lately and I love it a lot so I wanted to advertise it while I had the chance.

Anyways, keeping under a “keep reading” here:

So. The Scene. First I’ll present my notes from the outline when I was trying to figure out this fic:

Miles lets his feelings slip, Phoenix doesn’t take it too well, they part on a kind of awkward note.

Somehow “kind of an awkward note” ended up being uhhh that!

Anyways before we get into this I want to say that I really did not think it would have that much of an emotional impact? I got a much bigger reaction than I thought and that’s around when people really started talking about it on the narumitsu discord and stuff, so I ended up for the rest of the week soooo stressed out that I’d accidentally gone in a completely different direction than I’d planned and set people’s expectations too high and they would be COMPLETELY DISAPPOINTED IN THE REST OF THE FIC but uh luckily that didn’t happen! I think. At least if anyone was super disappointed they didn’t tell me about it!

And it was probably partially that I am not very uhh good with emotions and also probably that I got pretty desensitized to my work but I genuinely did not think it was that bad until I saw Ro’s art and then went “ohhh suddenly I am consumed with so much guilt...” (and also doubted how in character this scene was. how can ANYONE say no to that face --)

Most critically though, this scene distracted everyone from whatever the hell was going on with the casefic earlier in the chapter, so overall I think it’s a success.

Sorry it’s taking a while to get to the actual scene, but I wrote a few drafts of this thing beforehand and modified it a lot trying to get it right. I needed it to be sufficiently dramatic but I didn’t want it to seem like... I was just adding it in there for extra conflict? Like you know sometimes you read stuff and you’re like “where the hell did this sudden argument come from” yeah. I wanted to avoid that if I could, so partially this was supported by the weight of chapter 4 to explain Phoenix’s reasons for the rejection and then chapter 6 is supposed to elaborate more, but I still needed this to stand fairly well on its own.

The overall theme of this chapter was “Opposites”, and again, here’s what I had in my fic notes:

I want to contrast how Phoenix sees Miles and how Miles sees Phoenix. Because they both kind of see each other as an amazing person while seeing themselves as failures. Maybe at the end Phoenix is kind of putting himself down and Miles argues about it and then they have a slight argument. Miles lets his feelings slip, Phoenix doesn’t take it too well, they part on a kind of awkward note.

I couldn’t really find a way to integrate this conversation in naturally, so I could only get Phoenix’s perspective in there a little bit. Originally Miles’ confession wasn’t supposed to be planned, just a spur of the moment in the middle of an argument where Phoenix kind of goes “I don’t understand why you keep hanging out with me, why are you spending so much time with me, I’m not struggling, I don’t need you worrying about me” and Miles interrupts with a “Because I love you, you idiot!” ... But I couldn’t get that to work because the buildup into the argument felt too abrupt. 

Last little bit of something just before the argument (some of the dialogue here went into the chapter 4 dinner conversation instead):

Miles: (quietly) I’ve spent most of my life trying to climb higher in my career, in order to fight corruption as best I could. And I have, and every day my mission is growing closer to completion, or at least as much as it can. But after that… (staring at some kids’ toy) what’s left for me? I’ve taken a rather unconventional path through life. I’m starting to wonder about opportunities I’ve missed.

Phoenix: (jokingly) Is that some long-winded way of telling me you’re planning on settling down?

Miles: I’d never settle. But in some sense, I suppose so.

Phoenix: (stopping in his tracks) You’re kidding. L-Like, what, in a year or so I’m gonna walk in to your office one day and find you with a wife and kids?

Miles: (rolling his eyes) You do know that I’m gay, don’t you? And why would I keep them in my office? There’s no need to be so melodramatic, Wright.

Again couldn’t fit it in I just found it funny. ANYWAYS FINALLY MOVING AWAY FROM THE DRAFTS AND TO THE ACTUAL THING, I’ll skip ahead a bit to just before the confession:

“How long has it been since I came here?” 

“I dunno… since before I got my badge back, probably.”

“That sounds about right.” Edgeworth sighed and leaned against Phoenix’s desk. “I’ve barely gotten the chance to see you, since you got your badge back and I took my new position. I’ve missed going up against you in court.”

“I don’t,” Phoenix teased, slipping his case notes into his desk drawer. “You’re a nightmare.”

“You’re one to talk.” The corners of Edgeworth’s eyes crinkled as he looked over at him. “You can be so infuriating, but I do like working with you. I had fun today.”

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “Fun? You?”

“I suppose age has softened me up.”

“I didn’t think anything could soften you up.”

“You’d be surprised. I often have fun when I’m with you. I always…” He trailed off, averting his eyes and gripping his elbow. “I’ve been… thinking, a bit. On our earlier conversation.”

So basically... Miles got preeetty close to confessing during their dinner in chapter 4, but kinda backed out at the last moment, and he’s been agonizing over this ever since. Because the way he interpreted their conversation was sort of “We both want to move forward into a relationship but don’t know how to take the steps to do so”, whereas Phoenix interpreted more as a consensus that “We could probably start a relationship and there are feelings there but it wouldn’t really work out so we just won’t ever talk about it”.

And Miles throughout this fic assumed that Phoenix has been in love with him for a while and only holding back for Miles’ own sake, and waiting for Miles to signal that he’s actually ready to move into a romantic relationship. ... Which is very much not the case. What makes today different though is that Miles got to watch Phoenix solve mysteries, and I’m of the opinion that Miles considers Phoenix at his most attractive when he is uncovering the truth!! so Miles pretty much just saw him solve this case and go “I must kiss this man on the lips Right Now” but thought he should clear some things up before he did that.

which is good because if he just walked up to Phoenix and kissed him without preamble I’m pretty sure Phoenix would have died, so.

Something imperceptibly changed in the atmosphere. It made Phoenix’s heart race faster in anticipation. “Oh? Which one?”

“The one we had during the last dinner we shared.”

“O-Oh.” That had been weeks ago. Surely Phoenix had forgotten something.

“Everything has changed so much, over the course of my career, between us.” Edgeworth’s eyes flickered up to him briefly before settling back down on the desk. “I’ve never been afraid of moving forward, but this, I want…” He exhaled, shakily. “Give me a minute. This is… difficult.”

Phoenix kind of... knows, subconsciously, where this is going, but he’s trying to deny it until the last minute because he’s very unprepared and has no idea how to deal with this... which will become very clear by the end of the scene.

Miles is tricky to write in a confession scene because he can be kind of weird with emotions? Sometimes he’ll give these Grand Speeches about how much That Man means to him but at the same time he struggled a lot with talking about his feelings during the trilogy and I think he’d still struggle with it now. Especially something as raw and vulnerable as a love confession.

And Miles is also someone who is, at least by the Investigations duology, determined to pursue what is Right and what is the Truth without any sort of hesitation. However pursuing Wright is different. (insert horrible forced laugh track)

“W-Well, don’t strain yourself,” Phoenix insisted. “We can talk another day. I-It’s getting late, after all, we should —”

“We should stop dancing around the issue.” Edgeworth’s eyes snapped up and locked with Phoenix’s, pinning him in place. “Don’t go easy on me now, of all times.”

oh man I have to admit I got really into Persona 5 Royal for like a few weeks around the time I was writing this and that “don’t go easy on me now of all times” is looosely inspired by a similar line in there that’s like “do you think I’d be happy with being shown mercy now, of all times?” because although it’s a different dynamic than narumitsu I was uh. intrigued.

... sorry it’s so vague I wanted to avoid spoilers anyways, moving on,

Phoenix’s mouth ran dry. Edgeworth couldn’t possibly be planning to —

“Everything has changed between us,” continued Edgeworth. “I want things to — to continue to change, I-I want to be closer, is—” He sucked a breath in through his teeth “— is it not obvious?”

Hadn’t they agreed, in that way they could agree without saying a word, that they were never going to talk about this?

Phoenix broke his gaze. “No. It’s not. I— I don’t want to argue with you. It’s late.”

Pretty much same as previous notes: Phoenix in extreme denial that this is actually happening whereas Miles is just trying to force it all out.

Phoenix is kind of trying to talk Miles down from confessing; Miles is sort of interpreting it as “Wright isn’t going to let me get away with not actually saying this so I need to be more direct.” 

I’m sure that later when Miles is curled up on his bed wondering where he went wrong he’ll think of that :)

“Phoenix.”

The use of his first name forced Phoenix to look up again.

Edgeworth stared at him for a long time. There was something impossible swimming just under the surface of his grey eyes.

“Phoenix Wright,” he said. “I am in love with you.”

HE DID IT!! He’s so brave I’m sure that nothing can go wrong!!

Gossip was one thing. Lingering touches and stolen glances, Phoenix could deal with those. The knowledge that Edgeworth was interested in him in a not-so-platonic way… that was more than enough.

This, hearing Edgeworth say the words out loud, was another thing entirely. Even if Phoenix already knew. Nothing could have prepared him for — for whatever this was, for Edgeworth, looking at him all open and vulnerable, and — and saying —

“Wh… What…?”

Edgeworth tilted his head slightly to the side, causing his bangs to fall into his face. “Surely you’ve figured it out already?”

“I-I don’t understand…”

At first there was a line right after “Even if Phoenix already knew” that was “Even if he felt the same”, but then I decided to make it so Phoenix can’t even admit his feelings to himself, so I cut that one out.

Anyways this is shocking to Phoenix partially because of Denial but also because he didn’t expect Miles to actually come out and say something like this. He’s used to Miles being closed off with his emotions and doesn’t think him the type to ever directly acknowledge them, so it’s got him totally off guard, too. It’s unpredictable for someone who is supposed to know Miles so well so it’s very unnerving for him.

“I… I think you are incredible,” said Edgeworth. “Your single-minded dedication to truth and justice. Your compassion. Your mercy. The way you… brought light, brought life, back into my world. You can be so frustrating, and stubborn, but that’s part of why I have always admired you so much.” The corners of his eyes softened. “You saved me a thousand times over, and I want to spend the rest of my life by your side… however you want me.”

Miles generally people go on at least one date before proposing marriage but okay.

One thing I find interesting about Miles as a character is that he’s very much an all-or-nothing kind of person... he doesn’t ever really half-ass things and he doesn’t know how to do things gradually haha. He won’t allow the truth to be covered in darkness for even a moment even if it makes things easier for him in the long run. Saying “I think you’re great, maybe we should go on a few dates and see how things end up?” is probably the SENSIBLE thing to say, but Miles puts 100% of himself into everything that he does post-character development; and he’s secure enough in his relationship with Phoenix that he doesn’t really feel the need to test the waters. Plus Miles is allergic to uncertainty, so by the time he confesses he’d need to be absolutely certain that he loved Phoenix Wright and was prepared to pretty much go all in with him.

after all Phoenix feels the same way right!!

Phoenix stared. His heartbeat was reverberating in his ears. “I don’t know what to say. … Me.”

“Who else?”

“Who — a-anyone else. God, Edgeworth, what even is that shit, about me being i-intelligent, and dedicated, and compassionate, and — and — incredible, geez, I’m a wreck! I—” His voice wavered into a fit of near hysteria. “The only reason I’ve gotten this far is ‘cause I’ve always had amazing people by my side, and — and once they’re gone I’m back to whatever I usually am, I-I only have this one suit, I still haven’t got my freaking driver’s license, I don’t think I’ve eaten anything but instant meals in a month—”

(And he looked to Edgeworth, desperately, but Edgeworth was still gazing at him, expression gentle, gentle yet unyielding, not taking back his words or expressing an ounce of regret — why wasn’t he changing his mind —)

“You’re describing yourself more than me,” said Phoenix weakly. “Really, I’m not — I’m not like that, okay, I’m not…” He forced himself to take a deep breath. “Why are you telling me this?”

This is the one part that stayed consistent throughout all drafts of this scene haha. Some of it is echoes from what Godot told him back in Bridge to the Turnabout about him always needing someone to swoop in at the last minute to the rescue; others are sort of a loose refence to his behaviour during the beginning of RFTA and Reunion and Turnabout where he couldn’t really function without Maya there to look after.

This part sort of ties more into that objective I had with this chapter of contrasting how they see themselves; they both see each other as incredible people, because they don’t really get to see inside each other and see how much of a wreck they feel.

Also the very first sort of script of this confession had Phoenix saying “I thought you knew me better than this!” but that just seemed way too cruel for this haha.

“I know that I… that I have difficulty with these things,” said Edgeworth, fingers gripping the edge of the desk. “I’ve never been the most open of people and we’ve — we’ve always been so distant, for so long. I wasn’t there for you when I should have been, and I want that to change. Because, ever since we met… you’ve been such a major part of my life. I never thought I would live to be older than my father. I never thought I would be happy with myself. But you, you came into my life, and you changed all that.”

(That wasn’t you,) a voice in Phoenix’s heart whispered. (You only started it. The rest was all him.)

“But I don’t want to be satisfied with what I have right now. I still want more. There’s still a part of life I want to explore, and… I want to do it with you.”

(He’s always been fine without you. One day he’s going to realize it too, and then…)

“I’m tired of hiding my emotions and being too afraid to upset the status quo when it comes to relationships. I refuse to be scared of that anymore.”

(Why isn’t he scared, too?)

ugh this was the hardest part to write I think...? Trying to figure out a way to get Phoenix’s internal feelings across where it doesn’t come out of nowhere. I settled with a lot of internal thoughts that are just like... self-loathing, pretty much.

Meanwhile Miles has prepared this whole emotional monologue that Phoenix is only half listening to, basically about what a huge impact Phoenix has had in his life and how he’s sort of... now that he’s presumably made large steps to fixing the justice system he’s turning to more personal goals in life, and one of those goals is spending his life with Phoenix, if he can be brave enough to do it.

Phoenix isn’t paying attention though because he’s too busy panicking...

“Most of all, I… I couldn’t hide anything from you for long. I’d trust you with the world. You’re my equal, and my opposite.” Something resembling a shaky smile crossed Edgeworth’s face. “And I love you.”

me shoving the “theme of the day” in there awkwardly

But he smiles!! This is one of the rare occasions where Miles kind of does smile... there’s a lot of “almost-smile”s or brief smiles and Miles is scared out of his wits here but he’s happy. he finally got that off his chest. he was brave and he told Phoenix how he felt and they’ll be so, so happy together, nothing can possibly go wrong,

The words knocked out any breath Phoenix had managed to regain. His skin suddenly felt cold and clammy, and he was faced with vertigo more intense than standing on rooftops. What was happening to him?

There was something he was supposed to say to this. He should react to this normally. His mouth was drier than a desert. His tongue felt unsightly and awkward in his mouth.

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that if I have somehow misinterpreted, I won’t mention this again.” Unease and uncertainty flickered behind Edgeworth’s eyes. “And I would never be upset, as long as you tell me the truth. I want to take the next steps of my life with you. … Do you feel the same way?”

oh yeah this part was a little tricky too. Pretty much Phoenix is on the verge of a full-blown panic attack and cannot think of a response, even a nice polite rejection... and finally Miles starts realizing that something’s off, because before he was just running on adrenaline to try and get his feelings out that he didn’t stop to examine Phoenix’s reactions, otherwise he would’ve started overthinking and psyched himself out. But now that he got it out and seeing Phoenix pretty much in shock he’s starting to worry he’d made a mistake.

Also “unease and uncertainty” is definitely an “unnecessary feelings” reference because I’m shameless.

Yes, Phoenix wanted to say, yes, I do, and say what he felt, what he wanted. But the words wouldn’t come.

Why couldn’t he say it? It should be easy. If he truly wanted this, it should be as easy as breathing.

His vision swam with pink butterflies, he ran his tongue over the scars in his mouth, his breath caught jagged on the edges of chains —

Aaaand if either one of them had the magatama right now there would be the psyche-locks! I was gonna elaborate on this a lot but this is so far waaay longer than I intended so I’ll spare you and give a brief summary.

Essentially there are three locks. I wrote them as sort of representing each issue that Phoenix needs to acknowledge for them to break -- not necessarily fix, because that would be a super tricky thing, but acknowledging they’re there is a start. They’re pretty much “Trust”, “Abandonment”, and “Vulnerability”. Later I realized those issues are pretty much tied up in each other so instead I just made it so that each one is set by a traumatic event, and then acknowledging those events is what breaks them.

The first is an obvious “Dahlia and Iris really screwed up Phoenix’s ability to trust a partner romantically”. I love Iris but she really did mess him up as well. Phoenix kind of convinced himself he’s over this issue now since Iris was a good person! but really he’s still messed up about it. (And that’s where the butterflies + scars in his mouth sort of come from). Talking to Iris and acknowledging that he’s still hurting over it is what breaks this one.

The second is more directly related to all the times Miles himself has abandoned him particularly throughout the series. Some of the hurt when Miles prosecuted him in Turnabout Sisters, and definitely a lot regarding “Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death”, it’s pretty much him being scared to get /too/ attached to Miles because he fears Miles might abandon him again. This one breaks in chapter 7 when he has the whole realization that Miles might die and leave him regardless, and acknowledges how afraid he is of Miles leaving again.

And the last is more of acknowledging his need to be needed by people and help people but they move on without him and not don’t really him in their lives. This built up more gradually... with littler things like Apollo leaving the Agency and Maya not being around as much and Trucy moving out. Neither of these are Big Bad Traumatic Events like the other two but it’s still an issue Phoenix has that he needs to acknowledge. Trucy’s letter breaks this one by telling him he’s never going to be alone and they all love him and are there for him. And that’s why right after reading the letter he can tell Miles that he loves him.

So that’s that. Moving back to the actual story now...

“Phoenix?”

Edgeworth still stood so close, too close, and when Phoenix breathed his senses were assaulted by the scent of his cologne and — and he was too close, and his words were too much, Edgeworth couldn’t be in love with him. Attracted, sure, but love — how could he so easily say love?

This wasn’t like Edgeworth. This wasn’t how things were before, this wasn’t how things had always been, every time things changed too fast something would go wrong, every time things changed too fast Edgeworth would leave again —

(— and right now Edgeworth’s body was coiled tight with tension, like a spring, ready to take off at any sudden movement —)

— and Phoenix couldn’t say a word.

Fairly self-explanatory I think: basically acknowledging that fear that Miles is going to leave again.

Phoenix was standing on the edge of a turnabout. Somewhere he’d have to take the plunge for victory, for the truth. He’d never shied from them before. He’d always accepted the risks. And they’d (almost always) paid off.

But something had Phoenix in a vice. Dark chains that wrapped around his chest and constricted his lungs. Something that would drown him if he took the plunge. Something that whispered that he could not risk this, his heart and his life in one. There was too much to lose. It was all too much.

That little (almost always) there is referencing that one time he presented the critical case-changing evidence and got disbarred for it; his disbarment messed him up pretty bad too, I guess it’d fit in the category of the third psyche-lock.

And of course the second paragraph references the psyche-locks more directly before they actually show up.

The words came. They weren’t the ones he wanted.

“No,” said Phoenix. “No, I don’t.”

The rattling in Phoenix’s head cut out. Silence fell over the room.

Pretty much once Phoenix stops pressing the issue the psyche-locks stop shaking. I imagine they’re a pretty terrible thing to break directly; he can’t do it on his own like this.

“... I see,” said Edgeworth, and something snapped shut, drew tight, rigid, back to a statue. “I thought… nevermind.”

Miles kind of draws back into himself all tightly-controlled, less open than before, because that really hurt him a lot. He’d probably prefer it than Phoenix being all evasive and sort of reassuring because he prefers people just cut straight to the facts, but that was direct even for him.

And of course he thought that Phoenix did feel that way about him. He was certain of it. So hearing Phoenix didn’t and he was completely wrong is... not good.

He’d gone so still. At the sight of it, whatever spell was holding Phoenix in its grasp broke, and he came back to reality — this wasn’t right, this wasn’t good, he had to fix this, somehow, bring things back to the way they were, “Edgeworth—”

And the sight of Miles completely freezing up and closing himself off is enough to break Phoenix free of the initial panic, because he does care a lot about Miles, and seeing him withdraw worries him.

“It’s getting late,” said Edgeworth, and only someone as experienced as Phoenix could detect the waver in his voice. “Thank you for being honest with me, Wright. I’ll talk to you later.”

The remark stung worse than a knife would, he couldn’t let it end like this. “I—”

The office door shut, none too gently. Phoenix was alone.

“... I’m sorry.”

That “thank you for being honest with me” wasn’t SUPPOSED to be a jab, of course, because Miles would prefer that Phoenix was honest than lie to him. But Phoenix did lie and that’s what bothers Phoenix the most throughout the next couple of chapters; they both value the truth so highly that lying to each other is inconceivable.

And Miles probably should have stuck around for a bit and heard Phoenix out and maybe Phoenix could have managed a half-decent explanation of “okay I don’t know what that was but this was very sudden and I’m panicking, can you give me time to process?” but if Miles stayed for much longer he probably would have started breaking down and that’s the last thing he wants to do right now, especially in front of Phoenix, so he left as soon as possible.

I think he managed to repress enough that he could get home safely, but the moment he crossed the threshold into privacy he probably had himself a good cry... curled up on the couch and watched some Steel Samurai with a tub of ice cream... but he was pretty emotionally devastated by this. It took a lot of effort for him to open up and be honest about his feelings so just being shut down like that... hurt a lot. He’d never admit it though.

anyways I also have this short bit of writing I posted a while back about Miles actually getting a hug after all this, because he really needs one.

And that’s the scene!! I think I said more than enough so I’ll end it here haha.

[insanelycooljk]

IF UR STILL DOIN THESE can i ask about your roleswap au? oR the evan is a compulsive liar one, whichever! @bandtrees

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it  

(you can read my reply about the “maybe evan really IS a compulsive liar” one here)

Oh boy the roleswap au... honestly this is an idea I’ve had for a really long time that I kind of forgot about, but then Kayla’s jared dies! au inspired me to revisit it. In a suprise to absolutely no one lmao, there’s a whole lot of angst. Like, I’d kind of forgotten what the plot was, and when I went back and read over my notes for it the other day I made MYSELF cry. So uhhh, yeah, this one’s gonna hurt

The concept is very simple, and I’m sure has been done before, but basically Evan and Connor (and Jared and Zoe to an extent) swap roles. So Evan dies, and Connor writes a therapy letter which gets mistaken for Evan’s suicide note. On that, obviously trigger warning for suicide.

Alright so this wip still needs a lot of work because I’m still trying to narrow it down to a single cohesive plot and figure out how to keep it in character (for instance I just can’t see Connor forming the equivalent of The Connor Project and dragging out the lie to that extent) But, here’s what I’ve got at the moment!

The first day of school is almost identical to canon, so I won’t get into that, but Evan still had his attempt over the summer and hence has his broken arm. I mean yeah, maybe Evan’s dialogue is a little different because he’s struggling more with his depression, but I don’t see his second attempt as necessarily being planned. It’s more of an impromptu “finish what I started” decision he makes after having an awful first day back at school

The only real change from canon at this point is the letter. It’s a therapy assignment for Connor rather than Evan.

The scene where Evan prints his letter and Connor signs his cast is essentially the same as canon too, except obviously Connor is the one writing the letter. Evan is just in the library to print out some homework or something for school.

After they talk/Connor signs his cast, Evan goes over to the printer to grab his own thing, and sees the page underneath has “Dear Connor Murphy” written at the top. Evan assumes it’s Connor’s, so in an attempt to be nice, grabs it as well.

Aaaaand here’s where the angst really starts. Originally I was going to do a whole kleinphy thing by fully switching Zoe and Jared. But then I had an excellent (aka horrible) idea.

So Connor’s finished letter still follows the same format of Evan’s as [today was NOT an amazing day] [talking about Zoe/Jared] [sad shit].

Except here’s the thing. The morning was essentially the same as canon, which means Jared still made the awful school shooter joke. So sure, Connor mentions Jared in his letter, but he’s got nothing nice to say. As he’s venting about how today wasn’t an amazing day, he writes a few lines about how Jared is a fucking asshole and he can’t believe he ever thought that they could actually be friends.

... Yeah. I’m sure you can already guess how that is going to turn out :(

But the angst doesn’t stop there. Evan clearly isn’t going to see Jared’s name in Connor’s letter and freak out because he thinks Connor has a crush on him. That just... makes zero sense lmao. But you know what Evan might think when he sees Jared’s name? Especially after Jared was a dick to Evan at the start of the day?

That they’re making fun of him.

“D-did Jared put you up to this?”

“… What?”

“He… you’re making fun of me. Both of you.”

Connor can see Evan’s spiralling into some sort of panic attack, knows he probably shouldn’t push but he’s got no clue what the fuck Evan is talking about.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“That’s why you came to apologise and-, and why you signed my cast, you two are making fun of me.”

“What? I wasn’t-“

Evan’s not even listening, he just keeps talking like he can’t hear Connor at all.

“I can’t believe I thought you were being nice to me.” He chokes out a bitter laugh that sounds more like sob. “But no, it’s just one of Jared’s stupid jokes.”

Connor’s speechless. Has no clue what to say because this just makes no fucking sense at all.

Evan’s full-on hyperventilating now, taking these huge shuddering breaths. Connor’s kind of worried Evan might pass out on him if he doesn’t do something

“Evan hey, just breathe.”

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, finally making eye contact. “I-I have to, have to go.”

And then Evan runs out of the room because he’s definitely having a panic attack and he needs to get away.

Connor is just kind of standing there staring at the door, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. Feels like shit because he was actually enjoying talking to Evan, but no somehow he managed to ruin it. 

It takes Connor a minute before he realises Evan still has his letter. He calls out after Evan but he’s long gone.

Then we switch to Heidi’s POV. She gets a phone call while at work from Evan’s therapist’s office saying he never showed up to his appointment after school.

Heidi never forgives herself for this after the fact, but her first reaction is to feel kind of annoyed. She knew Evan didn’t want to go to his session today when she booked it, but she was just trying to do the right thing because she knows Evan always struggles starting back at school. Plus therapy costs money, they don’t exactly give you a refund/cancellation fee for not showing up, and they just can’t afford to be paying for therapy sessions Evan isn’t even attending right now.

She is a little concerned though. It’s not the first time Evan’s skipped an appointment, but he usually only does it if he’s had a particularly bad panic attack that day. But she isn’t worried enough to leave work early, which kills her later. Heidi wonders if she had of gone straight home if she could’ve been there quick enough.

I don’t want to go into this in too much detail, but I’m thinking Evan ODs. The tree thing didn’t work out last time so he figures he better try something else. He feels bad that this definitely couldn’t be interpretted as an accident like his fall was, but he just... doesn’t care anymore.

And god, Heidi finds him when she gets home from work, and somehow her being a nurse makes it so much worse because she knows it’s too late. Of course she still tries everything she can, and she kind of dissociates into work mode so she can put some of her panic aside, but she knows.

But... I don’t really want to write that because it’s too sad even for me lol. So the scene will probably just end with Heidi coming home and getting a bad feeling when she calls out to Evan and he doesn’t reply. It’s not the most out of character thing, because Heidi’s assuming he must have had a really bad panic attack since he ditched therapy, so he’s probably exhausted and having a sleep. But when she goes to Evan’s room to check on him her heart stops.

The next couple of days Connor mirrors Evan in canon. He’s getting antsy that Evan stole his letter and now hasn’t been at school.

I haven’t quite worked out what Zoe’s role will be yet, so I’m not sure if she’ll act as Connor’s sole confidant (like Jared is for Evan) or not. It’d make sense since Jared is kind of taking Zoe’s place, but I just don’t think it will work given the current state of her and Connor’s relationship. Either way, whether he told Zoe or not, Connor is getting really paranoid about Evan/the letter.

It’s been 3 days now since Evan took his letter and he’s still not at school.

Jared’s been away too, but he’s back today and is acting really fucking weird. He’s wearing like... a plain hoodie or something which is very unlike Jared, and he just looks really exhausted and has none of his usual arrogance. Plus he keeps staring at Connor and giving him these weird looks.

Connor’s so stressed about this stupid letter that he’s contemplating asking Jared where the hell Evan is, but he’s seriously freaking Connor out right now.

Before Connor has a chance to make up his mind about whether he should try to talk to Jared, he gets called to the principal’s office. And so the lie begins lmao.

But god... the amount of extra angst of NOT going the kleinphy route and instead having Connor write bad things about Jared in the letter is just... pure evil genius if I do say so myself

Like, imagine Jared’s parents going to see Heidi and do whatever they can to be there for her and make sure she’s ok, and Jared kind of numbly getting ready to go with them, only for his parents to explain that Heidi doesn’t exactly want to see him right now because of what Evan wrote in his note... ouch.

And god that just makes Jared sick to his stomach because what the hell did Evan say about him? And once he gets to actually read the “note” himself he really is sick.

And since his family is obviously very close with Heidi it really puts a strain on Jared’s relationship with his parents too, because they’re clearly extremely disappointed in him for doing whatever it was that made Evan write THAT

Just the whole Kleinman/Hansen dynamic would be so complicated. (but it will be fun to write!)

And oh boy... remember the amount of horrific hate Zoe recieved when Alana posted Evan’s letter online? Connor’s letter outright says something along of the lines of Jared is a fucking asshole/why did I ever think we could possibly be friends/etc. I haven’t worked out the exact wording yet because getting the letter right is just... so critical to the fic lol, but yeah if it gets posted online? yikes.

So anyway, that’s the roleswap au. I’m still working out the more specific plot details of this one, but I think it’s got some alright potential. There’s going to be a lot of tension between Jared and Connor as Jared struggles to decide whether or not he believes Connor, and as Connor finds it increasingly difficult to lie to Jared. Hmm you know on second thought maybe a kleinphy subplot doesn’t sound so bad 🤔 but just more of a slowburn angle which doesn’t start until after Evan dies... much to think about hahaha

I like to think Jared works out the truth on his own eventually, which leads to a gfy-esque fight. And whilst Zoe might take on Jared’s role in a way, Alana will be pretty much the same as she is in canon. Because for her it was always more about the message of the project than the actual person.