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watermelonsugacry · 3 years ago

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Writing Fine Line: To Be So Lonely

A/N: Hey lovies!! 6 songs down, 6 songs to go 💚

SUMMARY: YN and Harry have known each other since 2010 when they were put in a band together called One Direction. Since the band split up, YN and Harry have kept in close contact, may or may not have grown deeper feelings for one another and have continued to help each other create music. After having helped Harry with HS1, he has invited YN back again to Malibu to help make Fine Line. This was how To Be So Lonely was made. (5.3K)

GENRE: harry x 1dbandmember!reader, friends to lovers, slow burn, famous!reader

WARNING: lil angsty, alcohol usage, toxic relationship traits

side note: italicized is voice over commentary (I wrote this kind of like the Behind the Album documentary)

Since 2010 Masterlist Previous Song Here 🌙

Tonight was actually going alright.

It’s the first time YN is able to put a stop to the way Harry crawled back into her mind since their break up (it wasn't the first and it surely wouldn't be the last) a few weeks ago. Instead of wallowing the day away in her bed or worse, getting tipsy and drunk calling her ex, she takes up her friend's offer of a fancy night out. She has a close knit group of friends, people she knows from her days first venturing out as a solo artist and some of her dancer friends from her tour crew.

She’s dolled herself up to the nines. She slipped into a velvet blue dress that whenever she turned, the fabric would have a purple hue to it. It hugs all of her curves the right way, showing off the parts of herself that she loves the most. Her hair is styled up and out of her face with her staple set of rings sparkling across her fingers.

Going out to dinner—in public in general—can cause an uproar with paparazzi and social media, fans immediately knowing her location before she can even get there herself.

So it shouldn't come to a surprise that once she gets out of her Range Rover and heads into the fancy restaurant, she immediately has to duck her head down to avoid the blinding flashes from the paparazzi cameras. Moving past and avoiding the crude, invasive questions they scream at her to answer.

What does come as a surprise is while she's in the middle of telling a story to the group, laughing and genuinely enjoying herself, her phone lights up with Mitch’s name popping up on her screen, the sound of a classic old telephone ringtone cuts through the space of the private room they reserved.

Mitch isn't much of a caller, mostly preferring to text his short answers than verbally say them over the phone.

So after giving her friend group an apologetic look and excusing herself from the table, YN quickly slides her finger across the screen and presses her phone to her ear.

"Mitch?"

"YN, hey I'm so sorry. I don't mean to drop this on you—just give me my keys, Mitchy." As much as he can give her butterflies by merely saying her name, hearing Harry’s voice this time made her stomach drop.

"Mitch, what's going on?"

"He saw the pap pictures of you going out tonight and...well, he got a bit tipsy."

No, tipsy Harry didn't sound like that. He didn't sound cuddly and giggly like he usually does when he’s had a few fruit flavored drinks. His words sounded slurred and raspy.

“Where are you?”

“Your house.”

"I'll be there in 10 minutes." YN doesn’t even think twice about her decision. She’d drop everything and anything when it comes to something concerning Harry, especially when he’s not in the right state of mind like he certainly is now. Whether that be when he’s too much in his head before going on stage, angry to the point of not making rational decisions (a rare one but it still happens), or when he’s too intoxicated to function.

Should it be her job to go after him like this? No. Despite the current state of their romantic relationship, is he still her best friend above all else? Of course. Would Harry do the same if the roles were reversed? In a heartbeat.

So after having slapped on a smile with a promise to have dinner with them as soon as she can and making sure to have their tab covered, YN drives her foot to the petal in a rush to get home.

The thoughts running through her mind are going a thousand miles a minute. She’s trying to keep her heart from coming up and out of her throat at the thought of how Harry came to his current state of being for the night.

Has this happened before? Was Harry suffering as much as she was? How many times has Mitch been the one to take care of Harry when he gets like this? Has he been reaching for the bottle more and more lately?

So instead of letting her anxiety get the best of her, she shakes her head in hopes to clear her mind and begins to mentally prepare herself for seeing Harry again after so long...and that doesn't seem to be helping much either.

“Come on, man. It’s time to go home.” Mitch tries to coax Harry away from YN’s yellow front door.

“Where do you think I am?” Harry glares at his friend before a hiccup shakes his upper half, sticking his hand back out. “Just gimme my—my keys and I can go inside.”

The headlights from YN’s car shine across Harry’s face and Mitch lets out a sigh of relief at the sight of her coming out of her car.

“What’s going on?” The crease between her eyebrows have been there since she walked out of the restaurant.

“I’m so sorry for bringing him here. I either had to drive him or he was gonna drive himself.” She spots his drunken pink eyes from where she’s standing and she’s grateful that Harry didn’t go through with his actions. "Haven't been able to get him away from the door."

She wants to ask Mitch all of the questions that have been rushing through her head on the drive over here.

Has he been able to draw him away from her door in the past?

YN instead swallows back her inquiries and gives her friend a sad smile.

“Thank you, Mitch. You can go now, I got it from here.”

“You sure? M’more than willing to stay and help you.”

“I appreciate it but this is something I need to take care of myself.”

“Please call me if you need anything.” She nods before walking into Mitch’s outreached arms. It’s a quick hug with an even quicker kiss to the cheek but it has Harry groaning from where he’s leaning against the door.

“You too, Mitchy?” He slurs out in a high-pitched, whiny tone.

If it were under different circumstances, she’d probably think further about how cute the nickname is for their oh-so-serious friend but right now, it only has her rolling her eyes. She grabs his hand and replaces Harry’s car keys with hers.

“Take my car. I’ll drive him back tomorrow.”

After some hesitation and one final look over to Harry’s slouched figure, Mitch reluctantly nods before getting in her car and pulling out of the driveway.

When she sees the car’s tail lights disappear after turning a corner, she takes in a deep breath in preparation of what’s to come. She doesn’t look at Harry as she approaches the door, quickly finding her house key to push it through the lock.

“Hey, lovie.” Harry gives her a cheeky smile, happy that he got his way and she’s here with him. She’s trying her hardest to not let her anger come through, there’s no use in trying to argue when he’s in this state.

But he pulls at her last straw when he slurs out a “Y’look so beautiful,” and attempts to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear only to be pushed away by her dismissive hand. He almost trips over his own feet once the door is pushed open, unable to steady himself.

He’s a literal child with an even childish attitude.

“You’re an arrogant son of a bitch.” YN spits out while she leads his drunk body inside her house. All of his weight leaning on her as they both stumble inside. “You know that don’t you?”

“I know, baby. M’sorry.” Harry's words slur as they tumble out of his mouth. His head leans on hers and the smell of alcohol on his breath almost causes her to gag.

“Don’t call me that.” YN snaps at him as she drops his body on her couch. His shoulders slouch against the back of the couch and he can barely hold his head up.

“Right. I forgot that you, you just want to be friends.” Harry takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes. He furrowed his eyebrows before saying, “M’sorry baby.”

“Don’t call me that,” YN repeats herself. “I mean it.”

Walking over to her fireplace, she takes out a match from the little box before scrapping it against the rough surface on the side. Once there’s a small fire, she brings it down to one of the candles on the mantle in hopes to mask the drunken smell from her ex’s breath. She makes a small circle with her lips, her cheeks puff out for merely a second as she blows out the small flame.

“I see your face everywhere I go." Harry's words slur behind her. "You’re just...everywhere.”

YN looks over her shoulder to her ex, her best friend. She doesn’t say anything, not trusting her own voice or the words that want to push past her lips.

She can’t attempt to explain her feelings now, not when he’s like this. She can’t tell him that she sees him, too. That there isn't a day that goes by where she doesn’t hear his name, hear his song play on the radio, or get asked questions about him when she’s being interviewed on national television.

Instead, she walks past his limp body on her couch and goes into her kitchen to get him a glass of water. The sound of her heels clicking against her hardwood floors ring loudly through his ears. It's almost painful to hear, but he welcomes the noise over the silence.

“Did you ever really love me?” He whimpers out, so quietly that she might have missed it if she wasn't listening carefully.

Why would he ask such a thing?

She knows he would never have the courage to ask her this when he’s sober, so there’s no harm in answering him truthfully if there’s a high chance he won’t remember anything in the morning, right?

When she walks back over to him, she almost can’t look into his wide, pink eyes. “Loving you was torture,” She looks down at the glass in her hands. “But I enjoyed every second of it.”

She can’t really read his facial expression. In a way, that gives her some comfort. She doesn’t want to know his response or what his answer would be to the question.

“Here, drink up.” YN says, handing him the glass.

“You’re too good for me,” He says into the rim of the cup before taking a generous gulp. “Don’t deserve yeh.”

She sits on the coffee table in front of him and takes off her heels. So much for dressing up tonight.

“I meant it when I said you look beautiful tonight.”

“Why are you here, Harry?” YN steers away from his question. She feels the irritation radiate through her body when she sees him raise a shoulder to his ear, turning the empty glass between his hands.

“Now you don’t have anything to say?” She hates the way the words taste on her tongue. It’s like she’s scolding a child, trying to sway an answer out of him.

“M’sorry.” He murmurs out, his chin to his chest.

“What are you sorry for?” She’s almost seeing red at this point as Harry lifts his shoulders in a shrug once more.

She didn’t need to do this. She could have still been sitting with her friends back in that restaurant, laughing and drinking the night away.

She cares for Harry, more than she’d like to admit. It hurts her to see him this way but she cannot—will not—stand for his childish behavior.

“Don’t apologize if you don’t even know why you’re doing it, Harry. Apologize when you actually mean it.” YN takes in a deep breath, her voice breaking at the end.

When she’s met with silence, she wordlessly nods with her lips in a tight line. “Good night, Harry.”

“Please, please don’t go.” She’s just about to ignore his plea, ready to just go to bed and deal with him in the morning. But her heart breaks in two at the sound of a sob erupting from his chest. “I c-can’t be a-alone.”

His chest quickly begins to rise up and down, his eyes wide and filled with panic.

Throughout the years of knowing him, she can count the number of times she's seen him like this on one hand. He's not merely her drunken ex, he's her broken best friend.

“Hey, hey. Shush. It’s alright. M’right here.” YN quickly sits on the couch next to him and wraps her arms around his shaky body.

“Don’t wanna—can’t be alone.” He whispers into the crook of her neck, mushing his body as close to hers as he possibly can. “M’so sorry, lovie.”

She’s not quite sure what in particular he’s apologizing for, she's not even sure he knows why, but she doesn’t want to question him right now.

“M’right here. We’ll be alright, H. We always are and always will be.” YN rakes her fingers through his curly locks, smoothing him until he’s calmed down and his breathing evens out.

She doesn’t know how long they’ve stayed like this, 10 minutes, an hour? All she knows is that while he’s asleep with his head on her lap, she’s not gonna shut her eyes any time soon, too wired from tonight’s events to even consider sleeping as an option.

“We’ll be alright.” YN breathes out into her living room, continuing to rake her fingers gently over his scalp.

...

"Read ‘em and weep, boys." YN says in excitement as she lays her cards down on the patio table, displaying her winning hand.

The men around the table groan as they throw down their playing cards in the middle of the table.

“What!” Jeff stands up and leans over the wooden table to get a good look at her cards, disbelief written all over his face. Harry chuckles into the rim of his glass as she does a little dance in her seat before sliding the candy she won towards her.

After spending a couple of days finishing up Canyon Moon and touching up on some of the previous songs they’ve created, the group decided to spend the night outside in the backyard patio that looks out to their secluded beach. Music plays in the background through the built-in speakers within the luxurious shade structure that covers the majority of the huge porch. Soft yellow fairy lights hang all along the branched roof of the shade, casting light over the group as they eat dinner, have a couple of drinks and play a friendly game of poker.

Well, as friendly as a game can be when there are multiple competitive people playing.

"Alright, who needs a refill?" Harry asks and everyone raises up their glasses.

YN quickly finishes off the rest of her drink before handing the glass back to Harry. She's getting a little buzzed, everyone is, and it’s all that the group needs after a long day in the studio.

“Can I have extra strawberries in mine please?” She asks sweetly.

“You got it, baby.” Harry taps the underside of her chin with his curled index finger before swinging his leg over the bench they’re sat on. “Be back in a minute.”

Tyler helps Harry collect everyone's cups before both of them head off inside.

"Needa hit what you English folk call the loo." Kid says, getting up from his seat.

“I shall do the same.” Jeff playfully points to YN. “When I get back, I want a re-match, missy.”

“Give it a rest, mate. Just hate seeing you loose.” She snickers at Harry’s manager, giggling when he takes a dramatic offense to her words by putting a hand to his chest.

“Ok, I was just going e-easy on you this last round." He hiccups. "Prepare to face defeat.”

YN just rolls her eyes as she watches the man scurry off inside the house.

“And then there were two.” She teases at the guitarist sitting across from her.

"Hey, I uh actually wanted to ask you something." Mitch says, not meeting her eyes as he collects everyones cards.

"Sorry mate, but I don't think Sarah would like the idea of us going out on a date." YN smirks before popping a sweet into her mouth, giving her friend a cheeky smile.

"Gross. Like I'd ever want to go out with you." Her jaw drops in a scoff, chucking a wrapped piece of candy at her friend.

"Oi! I'm a total catch. Thank you very much.” Mitch gives her a small smile at her laugh.

When they first met, it honestly took a bit for her to figure him out and have him open up. He wasn’t a fan of Harry and YN’s music when they were in One Direction, not being familiar with their work was more of a positive thing than it was a negative.

Harry, being Harry, loves to welcome in new friends and people he works with with open arms, talking with them like they’ve known each other for years. It’s especially fun to watch their relations blossom. Harry, the social butterfly, with Mitch, the introvert.

With YN, she’s learned that they mostly connect over music. Playing and knowing about guitars is one of the great loves of her life. Sometimes over breaks on tour or casual meet ups, the two enjoy breaking out their preferred instruments and have a relaxed jamming session.

It took her a while to realize that his lack of conversation didn’t mean he was bored or disinterested in the topic, he was constantly listening. He spoke through his music and what an honor it was to hear what he had to say with his guitar.

It’s no wonder why her and Harry were so excited and giddy to see how Mitch and Sarah’s relationship has grown. Ms Jones has a grip on the guitarist like no one else has.

Mitch has definitely come out of his shell more and more each time YN sees him. His small, barely there smile, like the one he has now, lets her know that he’s having a good time.

“Okay, okay. What's up?" YN says after she’s calmed down a bit. There’s a pregnant pause between the two before he breaks the silence.

"You alright? Everything good with you?"

Well that wasn't what she expected him to ask.

"Yeah, totally. Why do you ask?"

“It’s just, it's starting to get really obvious that all the songs are about you in some way shape or form.”

“I would respectfully disagree.” YN leans her elbows on the table, twisting a candy wrapper through her fingers. She knows she’s lying but how does one respond to something like that? When she looks up at Mitch, he’s giving her a knowing look. “What?”

“You’re really going to make me say it.”

“Say what?”

"Him always referring to you being golden."

YN lifts a shoulder to her ear. "That could mean anything—"

"Him wanting to adore you while you obviously are against the idea of adoring anyone."

"A lot of people feel that way."

"Your voice memo is literally in one of the songs."

"Well, that was my idea to do that."

"And how he literally added your manager's name in this last song."

"A lot of people are named Jenny. People aren't gonna know the difference. It's like Diana, or Olivia or Townes."

Okay, she knows that last one was a bit of a stretch but she has a point to make nonetheless.

Mitch looks to her with a squint of his eyes. "...what does that even mean?"

She squints her eyes back at him, leaning further onto the table.

"Still haven't listened to a One Direction song, huh?"

"Except for the ones he makes me play?" YN lets out a laugh and sees a small smile growing on his lips. It is quite funny to see Mitch, a very serious musician—from the way he plays to his facial expressions—play a song that had every preteen girl's hearts throbbing in 2010.

"He's just...writing from a place of personal experience. I've done it plenty and it's not a crime for him to do so either. Critics and fans and social media are always gonna speculate what each song means. It wouldn't be the first time and it's for sure not gonna be the last.” She gives him a dismissive wave of her hand. “He's gonna be fine."

"It's not him I'm concerned about here though." Her furrowed eyes are enough for him to continue. "I mean, of course I'm worried about him because even though Golden sounds like rainbows and sunshine, it's a depressing song. A song about you. Just wanna make sure that you're okay with everything that's happening. Know that Cherry took a little bit out of you.”

She has to admit, Mitch’s words bring her in for a bit of a surprise. He’s not one to usually talk about stuff like this, making sure that she’s emotionally alright for making this album—for being around her ex, their friend, in this way. She expects something like this to come from her other close friends, the situation certainly calls for some speculation and reassurance from an outsider’s perspective.

So it warms her heart to know that Mitchell Rowland, the most quiet and reserved man she’s ever met, went out of his way to ask her if she’s ok.

“Thanks for the concern, buddy. I know my limits, yeh know? Wouldn’t be here if I wasn't totally comfortable and if I happen to be then I'll be on my way.”

Mitch nods before going back to the stack of cards in his hands.

Although she doesn’t want to make a big deal out of his concern, as she knows it will only ruin the moment, she honestly couldn’t be bothered with wanting to hold back from showing her affection for the man across from her.

So while he shuffles and mixes the cards, she walks around the other side of the table, swings her leg over his bench to face him and wraps her arms around his shoulders. It takes a second but Mitch eventually turns his body to hers, brings his arms around her torso, and reciprocates the friendly sentiment.

“I appreciate you,” She says into his shoulder, smiling when she feels his hand rub circles around her back before feeling his lips press a friendly kiss to her temple.

"Love you." The rough texture of his facial hair rubs against her skin.

"Love you, too."

After a beat, he pulls his head back slightly before saying, “Don’t get it twisted, you’re still annoying.”

YN lets out a laugh over his shoulder, hearing the knowing smile on his face.

“Duly noted.”

"What's goin' on?" YN looks up to see Harry standing by the doorway with an array of drinks on a tray.

"Just letting Mitch in on my secret to winning poker." He knows she’s lying, but decides not to pry and shake off the weird feeling in his stomach.

"Oh yeah? Gonna tell me?" Harry says as he sets down everyone’s drinks.

"Sworn into secrecy dude.”

When Mitch looks back to YN, they quietly chuckle to each other like there’s an inside joke he clearly was not part of. Before Harry can say anything, the sound of a clap behind him knocks him from his thoughts.

"Are you ready to face the wrath that is Jeffery Azoff?"

Harry doesn't mind that YN stays seated next to Mitch for the rest of the night. Moreso, he doesn’t want to mind it. He obviously knows that nothing romantic will go on between his friends, but he can’t help the jealousy crawling under his skin.

Especially when he watches her lean into Mitch, whispering in each other’s ears. Or when she puts a hand on his arm as she points out something in his card deck. The two, smiling and occasionally laughing between their candy bets.

He knows that he shouldn’t be bothered by it and maybe he’s just bothered that she’s not bothered by what’s been going on. After their shared kisses back at her place a couple of days ago, she hasn’t brought it up. To be fair, neither has he, but somewhere inside him hoped that she would. He knows she’s not one to usually shy away from vocalizing something that’s eating away at her.

Maybe this is her way of telling him that she really doesn’t want anything more than a friendship with him, that it’s all one sided. Maybe she was able to hear his worried thoughts about that drunken night earlier this year and has decided that it was too much for her. Who can blame her?

“What's on your mind?” YN bumps her hip with Harry’s as he’s arms deep in washing the dishes from tonight. His manager and the other producers have gone to bed, too tipsy to keep their eyes open any longer. Mitch helps put away all the leftover food made as the two take over dish duty.

He decides to answer her truthfully and hands her another plate to dry. “I'm confused.”

“About?” She softly questions, wiping the dish cloth over the plate.

“Can’t really pinpoint it, to be honest.”

"Well you know what that means." YN sighs out as she puts away the dishware, giving him a small smile afterwards.

"And what's that?" When he hands her another plate, he tries not to concentrate on the lingering touch of her fingers brushing against his.

"You're gonna have to write about it."

It took Harry less than 30 minutes to complete the lyrics for the song. YN didn’t really know what to expect from the new song but after hearing Harry off-handedly sing it to her, she’s come to the realization that he remembered a lot more of that drunken night than she expected him to.

Don't blame me for falling

I was just a little boy

Don't blame the drunk caller

Wasn't ready for it all

He was a bit hesitant to share the song with her at first and rightfully so. Music is the best way that the both of them are able to communicate their feelings, whether it be to one another or not.

I was away

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

Who can't admit when he's sorry

Not only was Harry able to figure out his feelings from that night, but she’s surprised to see how aware he was of what happened. It makes her second guess whether he really was out of it that night or not.

Don't call me "baby" again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

But don't call me "baby" again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

Was this Harry finally giving up on her? On their back and forth relationship? Was this cat and mouse game coming to its enviable end?

I just hope you see me in a little better light

Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?

Stubborn. It's one if the—if not the first—word that Harry would use to describe YN. Knowing her for as long as he has, he knows that despite all her media training, she's a stubborn little thing to anyone or anything. He knows that while he walks around with an ego too big to fit through the door, her's comes in at a close second.

It's part of the reason why she doesn't tell him that his jealousy, his possessiveness, is equally shared.

'Cause I miss the shape of your lips

You'll win, it's just a trick

And this is it, so I'm sorry

“I think this song is a really good example of showing how you can be in a room full of people but still feel lonely.” YN fidgets with the rings on her fingers, knowing that feeling all too well. "You can sort of seem fine on the outside, have the world in the palm of your hand, but there's a whole 'nother thing going on that people don't see."

Her lips tug up to a soft smile. “Harry wrote this song quite quickly. It was the putting it all together part that really threw us in for a loop.”

"What if you just do the song as an acapella?" YN suggests only for Harry to groan into his hands.

YN, Harry, and Mitch are seated around each other in the recording room. To Be So Lonely’s lyrics have been completed, it kind of wrote itself to be honest, but it was the instrumental portion of the song that has stumped the artists.

Mitch is on one of the stools with an acoustic guitar, Harry sits in front of the piano and YN sits comfortably on the floor with her guitalele on her lap.

“They’re [guitalele] really good for writing on, because you can travel with them. I had one of those with me in Japan, so they’re really good for spur-of-the-moment ideas.” Harry says with a nod. “YN uses them quite often and they have a sort of unique sound to ‘em that we both really like.”

It’s well into the hours of the night and for the past few hours, the three of them have been trying out various melodies for the song; a ballad, a pop song, alternative rock. Nothing seems to stick.

“I can’t make any good songs.” Harry whines into his hands before bringing them up to rake through his hair.

“Alright, chill out.” YN looks at her frustrated friend with a pointed look, ready to not let him go into this self-deprecating state of mind. “I have a couple of voice notes on my phone with some melodies I came up with on the cuff. There’s got to be something on there that we can use, ok?”

Once she sees Harry give her a nod, she goes around to pat her pockets.

“Hey, has anyone seen my phone? Can someone call me?”

“I got it.” After a couple of clicks on Mitch’s phone, the sound of her classic telephone ringtone sounds somewhere behind her. Crawling over to the spot where her phone lies, she unlocks it with a quick type of her password.

“That’s your ringtone for me? Y’make it sound like an old man’s calling you.”

“I mean, you are pushing 31, mate.” She teases, still looking through her notes.

As Mitch is about to throw a witty comeback, an idea suddenly comes to mind.

“Wait, did you have that same ringtone when I called you that night?”

“Haven’t changed it since I met you. Why?”

“Can I see that for a sec?" Mitch makes a beckoning motion with his hand at her guitalele in her lap.

“If you think I’m changing it now, you are sadly mistaken, my friend.”

Mitch doesn’t respond, instead he does a couple of experimental pucks on the strings. His eyebrows are furrowed, like he's trying to find the right key.

YN just looks at him lazily, her eyelids feeling heavy as she slowly blinks at Mitch, tired from tonight's brainstorming session.

With a sigh, she goes back to her voice notes and as she's about to hit play on one, she hears Mitch pluck some notes at the base before strumming his finger quickly up and down the strings, ending it with a tap on the wood and repeating the melody.

Harry’s head lifts from its position resting on top of the piano before looking to YN. She turns her gaze from their friend to Harry and no words need to be exchanged. It’s been decided.

The classic telephone ringtone.

“Mitch has a habit of not speaking a lot, and then every now and again he will kinda go like ‘Oh, I have this idea.’” Harry chuckles. “He’s really just a genius. The song is just really like articulation of Mitch’s brain. Even when Mitch plays to himself, he’s got the swing.”

Next Song Here! 🎹

Taglist:

@wobblymug @be-with-me-so-happily @ashtongivesmebutterflies @kiwiskiwiskiwi @darlingdesire @obsesseddd @hopefulwastelandcreation @cacapeepee

#harry x 1dbandmember!reader #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagine #harry styles x you #one direction #one direction fanfiction #writing fine line series #harry styles fanfic #since 2010 series #harry styles fic #harry styles writing

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joyliiejolly · 3 years ago

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As a lover - SEVENTEEN's Wonwoo

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purpose only, so please take it as a grain of salt and live laugh love all the way besties!!

This reading is done by my friend @bluerabb (she usually doesn't post any reading on her blog and she wants me to post them here so please considerate follow my blog if you want to read more from her ^^). I took note during her reading, proofread and added some of my own thoughts along.

There is a nsfw part in this reading (under "keep reading"), so if you're a minor reading this, please stop where I put my warning.

Without futher ado, enjoy the reading!

After seeing the cards, me and @bluerabb have decided that, whoever his significant other is, they're the luckiest person to ever exist.

This man will forever be my ultimate bias wrecker. He is the bias wrecker of all bias wreckers for me 😭

The cards:

Tyldwick Tarot: The Devil, King of Wands, Ten of Cups

Cosmos Tarot and Oracle: Four of Wands (rx), The Devil, Ten of Cups

Just look at the cards. Both of us spent a good minute sitting in silence because we couldn't comprehend what was going on. The women were too stunned to speak :D The possibility for the same two cards to come out from two different decks is low, but I guess it's not zero. And that two specific cards? I can't with this-

Wonwoo in love is passionate. His love is fiery. It stays burning brightly and relentlessly, against the winds, the rains, any storms or hurricanes.

Wonwoo is creative, and he's gonna find thousands of different ways to express his feeling to his person.

His love language is sooooo gonna to be physical touch (I don’t think I need to explain this any further with The Devil appeared twice :D). This can get a little bit extreme sometimes, to the point that he doesn’t let anyone get touchy his person, they're his person and his only. It can be a little bit of a toxic trait, as he can be overprotective and it can lead to controlling over his person, for a good cause but still. He just love them so much :(( Talking about being protective, he will get all rile up and turn aggressive if anyone dare to talk shit about his person and their relationship. This can get physical if people keep push his buttons. Sharing music is also one of his way to express his feeling. He will write love songs for his person (I'm literally in tears). And if it's not his music, he would go for songs that give off jazzy/old-school vibe or romantic classical piece.

He will keep his lover's pictures in a place that easy to see like his home screen/lock screen, wallet, and he would love it if they do the same. He treasures all the memories with his lover and the gifts they give him with all of his heart (put them in places that he can see easily, keeping them clean,…). He enjoys café date/tea date with his lover, when they can just sit down and talk about their day in a cozy and lovely space and filled with pleasant aroma. He also want to experience new things with the one he loves, a lot of first time together. He will want to try a lot of venture games, extreme sports with them, and he will lowkey hope that they'll get scared and hold on to him (omg my heartttttttttt the man is so slyyyyy I love itttttt).

Before being able to find the love of his life, he will go through some bad experience in relationship. It awfully affected him. This can explain why he has some extreme/toxic traits, since he is still learning to love TTTT His intention are good, but the way he express it could make his lover get the wrong ideas. He needs to be careful with his jealousy tendency and things he says/does while being angry. But again, he's still a wonderful lover. He won't give a damn if there are differences between him and his lover. He won't care how weird, how bad other people think of his person. As long as he can feel the connection with them, it's fine by him. He will see his person and treat them like royalty. You can say, he's smitten :D

(Minors please stop right here)

Now for some nsfw stuffs.

Wonwoo is a hard dom (again, don’t think I need to explain this any further with The Devil appeared twice :D). He loves to tower his person, he want his skin on their body all the time and he loves to see their expression (doing it in front of the mirror/anything that can help him see their face). He loves to know that it's him that making them feel good.

He could also enjoy shower sex (actually anything that related to water, I'd say pool sex too but private one tho :D). Cuffing can also be something that turns him on, like seeing his person get handcuffed to the bed.

#seventeen imagines #seventeen tarot #seventeen scenarios #seventeen #seventeen wonwoo #svt #svt wonwoo

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bitchybasementninja · 3 years ago

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Namjoon / FS connection

Disclaimer: just for fun and tarot practice. Don't take anything too seriously.

I decided to do a reading for Namjoon and his future spouse / soulmate/ twin flame. Basically his end game romantic partner. (specifically for this life time.)

This reading was pretty easy and relaxed (thank god.) I actually pulled Namjoon's oracle card last night, but didn't end up doing the reading until the next day. But as I was preparing for the reading I had some interesting things happen:

1. I have this luxury brand watch that I was given as a gift. I don't usually wear it except for special occasions, but when I was preparing for the reading it caught my eye and I got the urge to put it on.

2. When I was getting my personal crystal I like to have with me for all of my readings, my pyrite crystal caught my eye. Pyrite is also known as "fools gold" and good for manifesting abundance.

SO I gathered from that already that this couple is going to be the "luxury" couple for sure. I feel like FS might have a very expensive vibe and we know Namjoon is making $$$$ from all his royalties in song writing and producing. So yeah, they definitely have an elegant rich vibe together.

Idk why that is important at all, even after doing the reading, but it's something that was picked up on, so I shared it.

Decks I used: Tarot de la Nuit, Ascended Masters Oracle, Fairy Tarot, Moonology Oracle, The Good Tarot, Indigo Angels oracle, and romance angels oracle.

(top cards are Namjoon and bottom cards are F/S)

***for this part specifically FS has middle and bottom row***

Namjoon Current Energy:

3 of swords (rev), 6 of wands (rev), Page of wands, 3 of pentacles

His love life is rather lack luster and not where he wishes it was. I mean, this doesn't really come as a surprise. He's a busy man, clearly, so I don't think he has a lot of time for relationships in that sense. But in all honesty he doesn't seem like he's hung up on anything in particular.

He's holding back his emotions and feeling unloved/ overlooked/ a failure in relationships, but probably just because he can't focus on it. The two cards after signify he is excited about possibilities and doing a lot of flirting, especially with people he is collaborating with.

I get the sense he has nothing going on, and he's so busy, that he's started kind of day-dreaming about collaborating with someone and flirting with them and that's how a romance starts, even if it's just a little flirting. His ideal way of meeting someone is probably in the midst of working with them. That's at least what he's thinking right now.

FS Current Energy:

7 of cups (rev), 10 of cups (rev), The Empress (rev), 7 of swords, 5 of pentacles (rev), 4 of pentacles (rev), 7 of wands (rev), 5 of swords

OKAY. so obviously FS has a lot more to dish. The short answer seems to be that they have been cheated on in multiple relationships, or have gotten cheated on by the same person multiple times. It doesn't help that FS seems to be kind of similar to Namjoon, so they already have some jealousy issues, but now they have also been cheated on a bunch of times.

It even seems like they've made a specific effort to overcome this issue before, healed from it, and released the issue just for it to happen to them once again. Their sense of love is warped because of this. They are always looking for signs of deceit, expect lots of fights and tension, and always expect chaos in relationships. They are basically giving up on love or ever feeling stable. Trust issues is a huge thing in their life.

So on one hand we can commend them for being loyal themselves, but on the other hand it seems to be their toxic trait as well. Like if someone cheats on you one time, you forgive them, and they cheat on you again and again that's when it becomes a you issue. Same thing if you keep getting into relationships with people that cheat on you again and again. That's when it becomes time to stop and look at what you're doing to create the situation again and again.

Whether it be because of their own self-esteem that they keep getting with people who cheat on them, or just not vetting the dating pool well enough is unclear, but I think we'll learn more as we progress through the reading.

What Moves Them Forward?

Namjoon: Follow Your Heart

So basically, he has the right idea of it. He simply needs to keep working, keep doing what he's doing, and keep collaborating with people because that will be the thing that brings him closer to finding his person.

Sometimes in connections like this one person progresses faster than the other, and I think that might be what is happening here (as well as divine timing because Namjoon is busy AF) since FS seems to have a lot more to work through than Namjoon does.

FS: Work Your Magic, Let It go, Detach from Drama

Basically, this person needs to get out of the relationship(s) that they have been in and work on themselves. Work Your Magic specifically talks about what you will or will not accept and this person needs to step back and really think about that. If you want a King, don't accept less than a King. If you want loyalty, don't accept someone who is not loyal because you aren't going to change them.

Letting go of that, and all that that person put FS through is the only way for them to find their true King in Kim Namjoon. They might actually even be in love with the dramatics of the cheating person/people they have been with even if it makes them jealous/feel horrible. It's like some people think pain and hurt and chaos are a part of what love is supposed to be like when in reality that is not love at all. That's a toxic relationship.

Anyway, shedding all of that useful stuff and putting themselves first and focusing on what they want will bring them to the next part of their journey and closer to finding The One.

After that:

Namjoon: Queen of Autumn (pentacles), 9 of Spring (wands) (rev), Prince of Winter (swords), The Chariot

He still has his own worries about relationships, but for the most part that is not going to stop him. He is ready to look for a queen and he isn't going to let his insecurities stop him from finding her. He wants to take action and will take action when he thinks he sees someone who exhibits the qualities much like the Queen of Autumn does.

He has talked about dating in school before and breaking up with his old girlfriend because she had too many men around her lol. I think there is a part of him that still has jealousy issues and is afraid of being in a one-sided relationship, but these are long healed for him. They are things he is willing to accept about himself and that he will consider when looking for a future partner. He needs someone who will make him feel stable and excited at the same time.

FS: 5 of Winter (swords), King of Spring (wands), The Star, 4 of Autumn (pentacles), Ace of Winter

So after taking a step back they will still have the 5 of swords (winter) energy, but they are looking at it in a new way. Suddenly they realized that they have been romanticizing fights, tension, and conflict in relationship. It's not what they want at all, and it's not what they deserve.

They instead have decided they want/deserve someone like the King of Spring (wands). He needs leadership qualities, and charisma, and optimism, and cannot have an issue taking control. Hmm, wonder who that sounds like??? lol.

They will start to heal themselves to find their optimism in love once again. The jealousy and clinginess may still be there, but they are now asserting boundaries and figuring out what those need to be to maintain those character traits at a healthy level, much more than they were before. They will get a major sense of clarity.

It will be a huge breakthrough and they will see now the importance of facing their problems and honest communication. Those things will be very, very important to any future relationships they might have.

Moving Into Union:

Namjoon: Full Moon in Aquarius and Super Moon

As they move closer to meeting, it's important he remains true to himself. He should also be there for his friends. There is also a Big Opportunity that he definitely should've pass up on. Namjoon may very well have manifested into existence that he is going to meet his person through collaborating with someone for BTS. I'm not kidding. It seems very possible with these cards.

FS: New Moon in Scorpio and Balsamic Moon

Move on from trust issues and let that sexy energy out is what FS needs to do. Namjoon loves a sexy person lol. They are about to turn a whole new corner in life and need to work on their belief. The more they believe a good thing is coming, the faster it will come.

First Meeting:

Namjoon: You Are Loved

Does the picture of this card almost look like Namjoon holding a flower behind his back? Anyway, he seems to be thinking about how much he already likes the person when he meets them. Perhaps even a rush of "love at first sight" but it might also just be someone he's really excited about meeting. If they really do meet through work then this would make sense all the more. Aside from any of that, I think he sees them as someone worthy of love and worth good things in general and that is something he likes. Definitely going to flirt.

FS: Divine Timing

This card just loves coming out for someone at this point of the reading. This time its an FS who feels it, though. They will feel like they just finished healing themselves and then BOOM Namjoon. Perfect hunk of Leader that resembles that King of Spring from earlier. The magic of the encounter will definitely make them notice him and keep their eyes on him.

Together: You Are Safe

Both of them feel very safe when meeting. They might be able to communicate really easily and even share something personal with each other in their first conversation. The location is a comfortable location for both parties. The meeting in itself is a healing opportunity for both people.

When They Come Together (Union):

Namjoon: Messenger of Water, Messenger of Air

This person will make Namjoon in love with love. There is tons of romance and attraction. Perhaps he even feels like they are fulfilling wants/needs he thought were in realistic. It might also be that he puts them on a pedestal a little bit at first, but he sees them and loves them for who they are as well.

They will intellectually stimulate him. I think it's obvious Namjoon won't want to be with someone he can't have intellectual conversations with. They will make him do things in a quick manner, maybe even want to move the relationship fast. But I think because of the Messenger of Earth in the middle he won't act on it. It's more so that he likes them so much that he wants to, but knows better.

I think it's also important to note that both his cards are this decks version of Knights... therefore I feel like its safe to say they make Namjoon feel like a gallant warrior. He isn't afraid to fight for them.

FS: Moon (rev), 10 of Air, Ace of Earth

So... lol All three came out at the same time. You know how this person spent all that time healing their trust issues? Turns out they still have them! I think the first two cards probably happen early in the relationship and then eventually we get to Ace of Earth.

Think of it like relationship PTSD. They have only known the kind of relationships they had where they have gotten cheated on. They are extremely paranoid about this relationship. Definitely have that "this is too good to be true" feeling. They may feel so paranoid that they convince themselves Namjoon definitely cheated on them and break up with him in a panic. I actually think it's quite possible they go on a date or two and this person dumps Namjoon out of fear of all this making them so happy just for him to cheat on them. Obviously, that isn't going to happen.

That might also be why Namjoon has all that knight energy. He literally has to fight to convince this person that he is their knight in shining armor. It seems like he will do just that as well.

The ace of earth is steady love, abundance, and prosperity in love. They are quite literally a privileged couple. (Luxury for sure) Once this person trusts Namjoon they will see he is the perfect partner for them.

Together: Messenger of Earth

Now they can both put their fierce loyalty to use by directing it at each other. They will be extremely secure and stable. This is the unbreakable relationship of all relationships. Their foundation will be unshakeable. This also talks about being deeply absorbed in work, so they may very well collaborate together in some way.

It's another knight. I think they will always fight for each other and be each other's champions.

Views from the Outside:

Idk why this is always the funniest part to me.

Some people will see this relationship like the Queen of Cups: It's caring and supportive and full of love. There is so much compassion, warmth and kindness that people see between FS and Namjoon. They really love the two of them together. Definitely happy for them, but there may also be the sense that they depend on each other a little too much lol.

Some people will see the relationship like the 9 of Earth (rev): Superficial AF. They spend way too much money. They will also be worried about the two giving up too much of their independence. Namjoon and FS may be so fiercely protective of their relationship that these people think something is wrong with them. Again, themes of them depending on each other way too much. There is a possibility of people even thinking it's a publicity stunt? I just get that from the opinion that the relationship is "superficial and lots of money is spent" so that's possibly why people see that.

Some will see the relationship like The Magician: They literally created each other (they were made for each other). The relationship was an opportunity and both parties took it. They are very skilled in these people's eyes as well. This couple is magic.

Some people will see the relationship like the Hierophant: Convetional, unsurprising. Traditional, but full of knowledge and shared beliefs. Their love will be spiritual and there is no doubt in these people's minds that Namjoon and FS will be married some day. It's almost like these people will be like "I CALLED IT" when the relationship comes about.

The Truth of Their Love:

Chemistry, Free Yourself, Honeymoon, This Could Be The One, Deception, Release Your Ex

Alright, most of these came out of the deck at the same time. In my personal opinion, I see the bottom row as very early relationship and the top as the more long-term view.

This Could Be The One obviously talks about maybe knowing the person already? But this might also just be upon meeting that they will both get this kind of feeling. Like they see each other and just sort of know deep down. It's also important to note the little angels above the couples head in the picture. I think it's definitely an orchestrated event from the spiritual world for them to come together.

Deception and Release Your Ex seem to obviously go hand in hand. If they meet and get together and then separate for a second while FS freaks out then that's how I would see this pertaining to them. The FS will probably feel like they are being deceived because they are so used to being deceived in which case they are going to have to further release the hurt they received from their Ex in the past.

But the two have Chemistry like crazy. It's even evident to other people apparently from the above section. They look good together. They feel good together. The connection is magnetic.

Free Yourself seems to be sign that they will be able to open up to each other after the initial hiccups of the relationship. They will be able to be the truest versions of themselves with each other. Namjoon will help FS heal their insecurities and FS will help Namjoon with his. Their trust will be soooo powerful in making them more Free and loving people.

Finally they have Honeymoon. They are the couple that travels together for sure. They seem to be always going on a Honeymoon of sorts. I don't think this is surprising in the least. Namjoon loves to travel, so he will be with someone else who loves to travel. Lots and lots of romantic trips in their future.

Yay Namjoon! Yay FS! Yay healing and vacations galore!!!

#namjoon #bts namjoon #namjoon soulmate #namjoon future spouse #namjoon tarot #bts tarot #namjoon twin flame #bts rm #rm #rm soulmate #rm future spouse #rm tarot #rm twin flame #rm love #bts love #bts future spouse #bts twin flame #bts soulmate

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farmnap · 4 years ago

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Fluff Alphabet- Dream

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Dream likes physicality/clinginess. He acts annoyed sometimes but he loves it when you climb into his lap while he’s streaming or how your always by his side whenever you guys going anywhere. He enjoys knowing where you are at all times and making sure your safe.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

He would love to have a family with you. He’s super paternal and kind so he’d totally be a good dad. He would want a family because he seeing how kind and strong you are believes those are good traits for a parent.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

His positions switch up. Sometimes he likes to bed help and comforted and other times he holds you tight. Either way he gets as close to you as possible. dream is 100% a human furnace when sleeping. This makes it difficult to cuddle every night but he wouldn't let you go.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

He’d probably try to be fancy and romantic all the time but is too goofy to. Like he’d take you to a restaurant but the food would be terrible. Or you’d go to an art museum and would just make fun of the “art”.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

My humor. You make him laugh and to him he finds that the best feature in an S/O.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

when you met his family and y’all got along great. he remembers Drista’s laugh as you teased her about school, and how nice you were to his parents. he loves his family and to see how respectful you were made his heart swell

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

He wouldn’t be gentle at all. I feel like he’d treat you like he would Sapnap, like pushing you around and play fighting (not hard dw) he would never hurt you but he also enjoys joking around with you.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

He would hold your hand tight to his, even if they got sweaty and hot. He likes having a hold on you so he could protect you. Sometimes he swing your hands back and fourth in the middle of Walmart, hitting people sometimes on accident.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

His first impression was your smile. How it lit up your face and made the world seem brighter. It makes his heart skip a beat every time he thinks of it

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

He doesn’t really get jealous. He knows you love him and trusts you enough that he doesn’t have to be jealous. He does get angry sometimes when you directly flirt back, even if its a joke, because he believes that that is reserved for him.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

He deffo kissed you first, he probably dropped you off at your house or honestly pulled you into a car make out before you get home. He kisses you passionately and deeply every time. He portrays his emotions best that way.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

I feel like he would wait for you to say it first, he’s had his share of heartbreaks and has walls built up I assume. But once you say it to him he’s eager to say it back.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

His favorite memory is on your guys’ first date when he ate like all of your salad in four bites. He was looking at you shocked and you got all embarrassed. He found it hilarious and the laugh you let out when he told you he was just impressed, was beautiful.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

He would so spoil you oml. He will buy you anything you ask. He would buy you an amusement park if you wanted. He jut knows he had money and he likes to help and spoil the people he loves.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

I’d say blue because its an emotional color and you make him feel all the emotions.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

baby, babe, cutie, bitch.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

He likes sword fighting. He loves the skill and hoe it’s literally irl pvp

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

He hates rainy days bc he loves to go on walks with you and play football in the backyard. He jut watches tv all day, its boring but if you join him and cuddle into him, its manageable.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

He used to cheer himself up by playing minecraft or maybe even working out, I can see that. He cheers you up by making you laugh and making you feel happy for at least a few seconds.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

He often talks about his friends and his career. He keeps you updated and also venting to you is a good outlet for him.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

He just lays down or watches football. When he’s stressed he often gets angry, so he tries to avoid you as to not make you take on his anger.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

He doesn’t show off at all as we know but he is proud of his career and fanbase.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

He wouldn’t make a spectacle of proposing but he would make a video of it. Weather that video was posted online or just kept in memories would be up to you.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

I don't know enough music to accurately give a song sorry:(

Y = Yikes (Do they ever mess up in the relationship?)

Dream doesn’t mess up often but when he does its usually stupid. One time he snapped at you for asking too much about dreamsmp lore. You were just asking so many questions and his patience is only so strong. He snapped at you, yelling loudly, telling you to just leave him alone. Now that alone wouldn’t be too bad but he got in your face and cornered you. You got scared, naturally, and had a hard time trusting him. I believe that he isn’t “toxic” but just explodes

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

He would get another cat but probably not a dog due to patches.

#dream mcyt #dream #dream team #dream smut #mcyt

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illuminatedquill · 3 years ago

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Nevertheless, Do Hyeok’s Confession

Let’s talk about why this scene is currently my favorite in the entire show so far.

(Chae Jong Hyeop really deserved to be listed as second lead in this show and while I have major kudos to Song Kang and Han So Hee for their performances, I’m saddened that Chae Jong Hyeop doesn’t get the same recognition. He absolutely nails his character and gives him depth beyond the “Nice Guy” label that people give him.)

Nevertheless is such a difficult show to watch for me because it challenges my fundamental beliefs about love and how you should treat each other in a relationship. I have a LOT of issues with the characters (well, the main leads, really) but it does an excellent job in portraying these different relationships and, most importantly, love; how it blinds us, breaks us, drives us, and motivates our day to day actions without us realizing.

Yu Na Bi, hiding away from the world, viewing everyone with a cynical eye; the burned out romantic, hurt by love. Her initial relationship with Park Jae Un made sense to her at the time; she could have the perks of being in a couple (having fun, spending time together, the physical intimacy) without any of the downsides (emotions, the risk of being hurt, breaking up). But, Na Bi, is ultimately still a believer in love. It doesn’t take long for the cracks to form in the relationship as she desires more from Jae Un. And when he is unable to give it, she breaks up with him.

Park Jae Un, the playboy with some unknown trauma that leads him to treat women as disposable flings, never committing to a relationship. I can’t speak too much about why he does what he does; it hasn’t been revealed in the show, yet. But he and Na Bi are similar in that they’ve been hurt by people they loved in the past; her cynicism and his refusal to commit are symptoms of this wound. It’s one of the reasons why they’re so drawn together in this never ending toxic loop. Their inability to love courageously and be sincere is why their relationship suffers so much and is probably doomed to fail. (I hope.)

And then, there’s Yang Do Hyeok. Just a regular, decent guy who was Na Bi’s childhood best friend. They meet again on a bus one random night and hit it off immediately. And you can already see that Do Hyeok’s feelings for Na Bi from childhood never faded. Love is a spectrum; you’ve got Jae Un on one end, where his love is motivated by lust, possessiveness, and a hunger to fill up his own emotional needs - a love that is all consuming, all of it tainted with selfishness and ego; Na Bi, in the middle, stuck between wanting to hide away or moving forward, ready to risk it all, all the while being torn from her indecision - a love that paralyzes, weighs down a person with its heaviness, a weight she can’t lift because she’s so hurt; and then Do Hyeok on the other side, with his love that seeks to uplift, heal, and inspire compassion - a love that is selfless, brave, and kind without ego or thought of reward.

All of this is love. Guess which one I believe in and aspire to.

Do Hyeok, baring his heart out. He knows how it will end, he’s seen the looks passing between Jae Un and Na Bi all night, he can feel the tension ratcheting up between them. But he tries, anyway, and the outcome arrives as he knows it will.

And it doesn’t matter. Na Bi is crying, and he is hurting, but it doesn’t matter. He loves her. Unconditionally. And he walls away his hurt and he is KIND to her. Compassionate. Understanding. He spent so much time on this event, and he sits on the ruin of his yearning and anticipation and feelings and IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER. Because Na Bi is crying and he wants to help her. Because he’s Do Hyeok and he loves her.

He’s been hurt terribly yet he doubles down in his trust and love for her. Because that’s how much he cares. He puts HER feelings first before his own.

(Ask yourself; how would Jae Un have handled this? Exactly.)

And the way he reassures her. God, it’s so good.

“Are you disappointed in me?”

“Yes. But I knew I was going to be disappointed tonight, so a little thing like this isn’t going to make me disappointed in you.”

“You’re romanticizing me.”

“Then just keep disappointing me. I like you so much, I don’t know what to do.”

(I think the dialogue is a little lost in translation but Do Hyeok basically says that she can keep hurting him; it doesn’t change how he feels about her.)

This scene, this confession, this moment in the entire toxic mess that is Nevertheless, hits so hard because of how wholesome it is. Love at its more pure, beautiful, and kind. I want to scream to the rooftops over and over how amazingly KIND Do Hyeok is. It’s not a trait we usually hype up in most media, especially in male characters. But it should be. We should make it fucking SEXY and spread it around. The potent power in kindness is limitless; how we reach for each other in times of need and hurting to make someone else feel better. To share in their pain and lift it’s weight, even for just a little bit.

He was kind, he was kind, he was KIND. And you see Na Bi’s eyes literally opened to just how amazing Do Hyeok is. And she thinks that he is romanticizing her considering who she is now. But that’s not it. Love doesn’t blind you to your partner’s flaws but recognizes that they are an essential part in who they are. And loving them anyway.

Na Bi thinks she doesn’t deserve Do Hyeok. She doesn’t want to let him down. She probably thinks that she’ll mess him up with her problems. But to Do Hyeok, it doesn’t matter; whatever troubles she faces, whatever hurt she sends his way, he will stand by her; and we know Na Bi and her problems all too well, and it will be hard work to care for her. That’s probably why she doesn’t allow herself to have feelings for him at the moment; it will be hell if he stays by her side, if she invites him in.

(But not to him. Not if it’s her.)

“Oh, it must be nice

To love someone

Who lets you break them twice”

- Finneas, “Break My Heart Again”

#jtbc nevertheless #nevertheless #kdrama #han so hee #chae jong hyeop #yu na bi #yang do hyeok

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cestcirque · 3 years ago

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The “Secret” Clues: Opening Acts

There are entirely too many clues to point out all of them, but here are the earliest signs of the correct pairs being drawn to each other (and away from their original partner) 👀

THIS IS TECHNICALLY AN EXTRA SO FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THIS TAG IF YOU’RE NOT ABOUT IT! 😝 @crescenttooru @marissaraeblr @roselleviennesstuff @ash-levi @ntimacy @tmtau @ysatrap @nerdynstoned @fucktheworlddude @tabipleats @afire24 @internethome @kac-chowsballs @putmeinyourdeathnote @xfangirl-trashx @kodzuklutz @madsumu @kotarousproperty @blkladyelle @itoshibaby @ego-risu-ad-sidera @renhold-nightspear @lilith412426 @kiyokisses @wrongbitch24 @moonlitevibes @honeypirate @rain-kissed-clouds @luckyminhibou @rinnieroulette @scentedflower @kunimisgf (and also dedicated to @ixwrites bc I see you rereading and I love you)

[ return to masterlist ]

The two main themes of Aperture were “love isn’t found, it’s built” and “what matters is the relationship you want to make work.” The Cardinal Set’s rebuttal to this is “maybe you were meant to meet but not to be” and “sometimes you simply can’t hit all the right points w someone”

The three original pairs met with the entirely wrong mindset and circumstances. Trompe-l’œil Y/N trying to “put Semi in his place,” Screentone Y/N having to “get a read on” Akaashi, and Extrema Y/N seeing Atsumu as a “more direct route” to her own goals

The context of their meetings and the Y/N’s abilities were designed to bring out the setters’ worst traits and/or exploit their good ones: Semi’s pride, Akaashi’s attachment, Atsumu’s ambition

All three Y/Ns also already have a “better choice” of a partner, who can hit two out of the three points in the cardinal set w them: Terushima is intimate and companionate, Udai is (or at least was) romantic and intimate, and Sakusa is companionate and romantic—any viable partner would have to surpass them

Right away the interest is fully one-sided. None of the Y/Ns see their original partners as actual partners until their friends literally tell them to, and even then it’s still shaky. Which brings us to one of the biggest clues of the series:

“Striking twice” relates to a different clue later but the key here is that love is built but it can’t be forced. And this includes me as the author forcing them together the way they were.

Now onto the specifics:

Trompe-l’œil Y/N and Semi: Semi right away is fighting a losing battle, and his was the most heart-wrenching for me. His insincerity and lack of trust in Aperture stems from seeing himself as second-best, so thinking like that, (a) the “someone’s heart” that he’s going to end up breaking is his own, and (b) Y/N forcing him to take a hard look at himself will only make him edit out even more of his heart and soul 💔 Seeing all the early analyses of this pair lowkey broke my heart, she’s actually v toxic for him

…And I’m sorry but there’s no way the love of Semi’s life would hate his love songs, that should’ve been a giveaway 😶

Screentone Y/N and Akaashi: On Akaashi’s side, the second-year slump is actually meant to refer to him. Udai’s struggles getting Meteor Attack off the ground parallel Akaashi getting easily attached, trying to course-correct his previous mistakes, and having to “force lightning to strike twice,” right up until the manga is soft-canceled. Y/N then echoes the “striking twice” sentiment applied to koi no yokan, and that’s your biggest hint

…Also Screentone Y/N’s mess of a Twitter head cannot at all be helped by Akaashi’s mess of an actual head, that was another giveaway 😝

Extrema Y/N and Atsumu: Sakusa tells the MSBY crew that they can’t grow while they’re on marionette strings, and Mika calls Extrema Y/N a puppeteer… simple as that. This one is the most straightforward—a lot of the more flat-out stated hints come from Extrema

Now onto the real pairs:

Trompe-l’œil Y/N and Akaashi: Ways of Seeing. A trick of the eye, trompe-l’œil—that’s all it is. While he hates the idea of it initially, Akaashi’s ways of seeing were changed by Aperture Y/N. And besides literally calling out Ways of Seeing by John Berger, this Y/N is looking for a different way of being seen. She has lost track of herself and needs to be rediscovered through being appreciated as herself by another. This particular quote from Berger is also about the female gaze vs. male gaze, relating back to Olympia

Screentone Y/N and Atsumu: Besides her newfound love of volleyball that can only be satisfied by 💕 a professional, 💕 her ambition right from the beginning is to see a real setter in action. I even tried to tone down her obsession / desire for a “real match” just bc Atsumu is the only “real setter” out of the three. He also shows his resistance to body language tells VERY early on—I was worried this one was too obvious 🤭

Extrema Y/N and Semi: Right after Mika calls her a puppeteer, Extrema Y/N corrects her and says she just wants someone to run with. This was around the time I was encouraging a look back at Aperture, bc Aperture Y/N’s one-sentence description of Semi was “The type of headstrong I can run with.” If anyone had found the combination of “puppeteer” + “someone to run with” specifically, you would’ve been able to predict the endings only a quarter of the way through the story 😝

#cardinal set smau #trompe loeil smau #screentone smau #extrema smau #secret clues

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dramaticviolincrescendo · 4 years ago

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Recently I had this moment where I thought "wow, in hindsight, it seems like ALL the Gallaghers' former partners weren't meant to be there in the long term". Like EVERYONE has treated everyone badly and yet Mickey seems to be a bit of an exception. I think alot of people agree he brings out something in the Ian character (and vice versa). I'm sure it's debatable cause I've definitely seen people call them toxic but I was curious on your take. Why does Ian & Mickey work while for example Fiona & Jimmy/Steve or Lip & Mandy not? I just named those pairings cause they're popular but I'm talking about all their romantic relationships.

That’s such a great point! I think my take on the subject may out me as someone who doesn’t put stock in romantic relationships carrying as much weight in most people’s lives as media would have us believe. There are so many books, movies, shows, songs, and video games that center around romance when Shameless portrays a far more realistic perspective: there are plenty of people who never experience lasting romance, and relationships don’t work just because we want them to. And that’s okay.

Take Fiona and Jimmy: they had so much passion and chemistry. They loved each other so much, even with all the rough patches they went through. The problem is that they weren’t compatible. At that point in her life, Fiona was focused on protecting her family. She was also very young, immature, and proud in a way that is very characteristic of someone in her position who feels like they’re being looked down on. (We see that with a lot of characters.) I don’t think Jimmy was trying to change her, but she saw his desire to help as a commentary on her ability to run the household—as pity, even. Had she met him in later seasons, I don’t think that would have been much of an issue, but I don’t believe that would have changed where they ended up.

I really liked Jimmy. He was funny and genuinely cared about the family. But Jimmy was selfish, entitled, and didn’t want to change. He wanted the excitement of the South Side without the struggles, and the privilege of his upbringing without the responsibility. Fiona was always about taking on responsibilities, even if they weren’t hers to shoulder. The problem with the two of them was something I think a lot of people take for granted in their relationships: both sides have to be willing to compromise, and they weren’t. He repeatedly wanted her to run away with him; she wanted him to let her make a lot of the decisions. Both sides make sense based on their respective experiences and aren’t inherently more or less valid than the other, but it also means that if they weren’t in a position where they wanted to compromise on those things (which they shouldn’t have to if that’s not what they want), they simply weren’t compatible and would be better off with other people.

Lip and Mandy are really the same. They kind of fell together out of mutual attraction but also a need for distraction: Mandy from her abusive home life and lack of options, and Lip from the situation with Karen and Fiona’s initial response to him dropping out. It wasn’t a sustainable relationship, though, because any feelings they did have for one another didn’t override the fact that they used (and, at times, abused) each other. Again, had they been in a different set of circumstances at a different time, that may have changed. The context of their interactions is important, and what they had wasn’t built to last based on what they hoped to get out of it. A lot of Lip’s relationships are like that: they are what the other needs in the moment, whether it’s sexual or for support, and then they eventually fizzle when one side oversteps. That has typically been Lip, because he also preferred to solve other people’s problems and avoid his own. (I am really proud of him for growing out of that.)

We see the same trend repeated with Debbie and all of the people she’s been with, though that has more to do with her personality in some ways. (I don’t mean that as a negative thing. Again, plenty of people don’t want or don’t have the temperament for long-term romantic relationships, and I think Debbie may just be one of those people in the latter instance.) The reasons for Debbie’s relationships have usually been pretty utilitarian. With Matty and Derek, she wanted to seem like an adult, lose her virginity, and escape into the family she always wanted. Neil was similarly an escape, but also a tool to keep Franny. When she questioned her sexuality, the way she framed her first relationship was almost experimental, and the situations with Julia and her mother were always intended to be for the monetary or proprietary gain they offered. Sandy is the first time we’re seeing her fall into a relationship with someone that wasn’t about anything utilitarian, but even now she’s been behaving less like they’re in a relationship while she focuses on herself, and Sandy is the one who takes an active role in Franny’s life on Franny’s terms. I can’t say if it’ll last, obviously, but I just don’t think Debbie is particularly suited to long-term romance. Carl doesn’t seem to be either, but that seems more like a lack of interest in serious relationships. A lot of his have been centered around helping someone or have gone from casual interest to wanting to help. That’s not exactly the foundation for a strong, healthy relationship, nor does he seem to be concerned about that at this point. He’s still very young, so that makes total sense.

Ultimately, I think Ian and Mickey are in the minority because they weren’t looking for a relationship but ended up being in the right place at the right time. I don’t even tend to subscribe to the interpretation that they brought anything out in each other, because all those traits we love (and that frustrate us) were always there. They were what the other needed when they needed them, they shared physical and emotional trauma, and they didn’t want anything from each other besides who they were. Theirs is written as such a pure kind of love in canon, even to the point of being naive on Ian’s side at times, which is why I think so many people are drawn to it and why it’s lasted this long. Ian and Mickey took it one step at a time, and they also got distance from each other. I know everyone hates Mickey being absent, but I think that was so important. Distance allowed them to gain better perspective on their feelings when they didn’t have each other so that they could appreciate just how deeply in love they were. They could ruminate on whether they were compatible, and at the end of the day, they were.

Compatibility is harder to find than fiction tells us, and if you’re not compatible, no amount of compromise is going to work. That’s why relationships are so hard. I think the Shameless writers take a very realistic approach on the subject of romance and family in general. A lot of relationships just don’t work, and many people never end up with a lifelong partner. That’s reflected here. We have Kev and V, who began as an established couple and worked through everything that’s been tossed their way because of how much they love each other. We have Lip and Tami, who have always been very up front about the fact that love isn’t easy and having a kid didn’t flip a switch. And we have Ian and Mickey, childhood sweethearts who sort of prove why it’s so unlikely that people who date when they’re kids will stay together. People grow apart or go through changes that make a relationship untenable, and that’s okay! We need to normalize that as being okay rather than promoting the concept that people should change when they don’t want to. What’s beautiful about them is that they made it work because of the context in which they fell in love and that, while compromise is still necessary, neither needed to change who they were to make it work, which is a very rare thing and portrayed as such on the show.

#shameless #shameless meta #Ian gallagher #Mickey milkovich #gallavich #you asked #i love how this show doesn’t portray people as being broken for not having successful relationships

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abirdonalilactree · 3 years ago

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First gay ship I watched that actually became canon. (kinda toxic tho-)

Y'all remember the first time you saw your gay ship become canon? I suppose for many of you it was Supernatural.

For me it was back in 2013 when the series finale of Rules of Engagement came out, which is pretty early if you are talking about gay stuff. Not only did we get a slowburn spanning over several seasons, it also ended in a gay wedding.

In this essay I will talk about why this ship is so important to me and why it also was toxic as feck.

The show is about two couples and their single friend, all at different stages in their relationships, deal with the complications of dating, commitment, and marriage. From season three on, there kinda is a slow burn until season seven ends with the two unmarried couples getting married as well.

What started as a horrible boss messing with his assistant turned into a surprising love story.

I'm not sure why I came back to this series after so many years in the first place. Some of the jokes are quite offensive so here is a warning for that. But on the other hand, all episodes are up on YouTube for free soo… Right now, in the September of 2021 we have exactly 20 fics on Ao3 by amazing authors. We are a really small fandom. The show ended in 2013 but like three or four people are still here.

Let me introduce the main characters:

The married couple consists of Jeff and Audrey Bingham. Jeff has been a financial manager and husband of Audrey since 1995. He has a rather deadpan, cold and sardonic personality and sense of self, particularly when dealing with Russell and Adam, but he is not sadistic or unkind, thereby rendering these traits as merely ironic and biting humor. He loves sports, shuns anything that might resemble sensitivity and often views his marriage as a competition or war, refusing to let Audrey "win" the upper hand at anything.

Audrey is an editor at Indoor Living magazine before later resigning and the assertive, modern wife of Jeff. She tolerates her husband's insensitivity because she knows he is not malicious and will do whatever it takes to make the situation right once he realizes his mistake. As a couple, they both can be very condescending and manipulative towards each other, in order to gain the upper hand, and typically don't like to concede to the other that they were wrong.

Adam Rhodes, a sensitive and well-meaning, but extremely naive and super extremely stupid, co-worker of Russell and Timmy, and Jennifer's fiancé throughout the series until they are married in the series finale. He is a neighbor of Jeff and Audrey, looks up to Jeff, and often acts on Jeff's relationship advice -This usually results in making the situation worse for himself. Jennifer Morgan is the fiancée and eventual wife of Adam, who endures his faults because of his good looks. She is very self-conscious of him, and will often try to spare him from embarrassment.

Timir "Timmy" Patel was introduced in season 3 and became a season regular from season 4-7. He first appears when Russell hires him as his assistant. Although he is fluent in seven languages and holds an MBA, Timmy is often forced to do menial work or to solve Russell's trivial problems which often annoys Timmy. While many of Russell's schemes disgust him, Timmy will often see them through so that he can enjoy Russell's deserved penalty.

Russell Dunbar on the other hand is wealthy, only due to his trust fund, which he uses to impress and seduce women. He is presented as a seedy and sleazy man who only cares about how many women he can get. However, it is shown that he has a softer side. His relationships within the group are seemingly conflicted, many of the group dislike his behaviour and mock him, as they do everyone else, but it seems that he expresses just as much distaste for them as he does not choose to invite them places unless he needs them to. Through Timmy, he is analysed by a psychiatrist to have sociopathic tendencies which explains his destructive behaviour.

He is also self absorbed and immature.

...But the thing is sometimes he isn’t.

While all three relationships show a lot of signs of toxicity, Timmy and Russell’s relationship is certainly the most destructive one. Which is mostly Russell’s fault.

But let me show you.

From a psychological point of view, their relationship ticks most of the boxes of a toxic relationship.

Toxic communication

Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of their conversations are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt hostility. Yet sometimes kindness is in fact seeking through.

Jealousy

There is so, so much jealousy going on. Russell really does everything to not allow Timmy to get together with a woman. Although only as the show goes on, it becomes clear that Russell is jealous because he has fallen for Timmy.

Controlling behaviors

Russell is questioning where Timmy is all the time or becoming overly upset when he doesn’t immediately answer texts are both signs of controlling behavior, which can contribute to toxicity in a relationship. And it gets so much worse than that. But more to that later.

Resentment

Yes.

Dishonesty

Yes. ALL the time.

Patterns of disrespect

Being chronically late, casually “forgetting” events, and other behaviors that show disrespect for each other's time are a red flag. This makes it red flag number six.

Constant stress

A normal amount of tension runs through every relationship, but finding oneself constantly on edge is an indicator that something’s off. Yet another red flag.

This ongoing stress can take a toll on the physical and emotional health of a person. Which is one hundred percent happening.

Ignoring needs

Going along with whatever one partner wants to do, even when it goes against the wishes or comfort level of the other one. From his first episode in the show on, Timmy is forced to do absurd stuff he doesn’t want to do and honestly no one should do for their boss.

Lost relationships

Stopping to spend time with friends and family, either to avoid conflict with a partner or to get around having to explain what’s happening in the relationship.

Hoping for change

One might stay in a relationship because they see the other person’s potential or think that if they just change themselves and their actions, their partner will change as well. And it’s the little moments when Russell shows for only moments the tiniest bit of being a good person that make Timmy stay with him.

Walking on eggshells

One worries that by bringing up problems, they’ll provoke extreme tension, so they become conflict avoidant and keep any issues to themselves.

Lack of support however is arguably not always one of their problems. But we’ll come back to that.

And still, they share their sweet moments.

The following clip, made by CBS itself shows really well how it is for them to work with each other.

https://youtu.be/GfPI3HgMYoI

And then there is character development. Here the group of friends talks about Jeff lying to his wife about another friends bachelor party because he doesn’t want to spend time with her aunt.

https://youtu.be/LQPIFcrBltQ

Russell doesn't want to get married, clearly. This clip also conveys pretty well how horrible those people are.

There is this tension and the gay jokes. This clip also shows really well how manipulative Russell -tries- to be.

https://youtu.be/XkdycXzX4ag

And then there are moments like these: In season 6 Timmy wanted to impress a woman who only wants to date singers so Russell teaches him how to play the guitar with the ulterior motive of Timmy embarrassing himself in front of the whole company. This idea backfires when Russell realises that he can’t watch Timmy suffer like that and he joins on stage and they start this duet that’s like super gay.

https://youtu.be/UH3P_LfBBQo

To be with you by Mr Big is an interesting choice of song. -Not only because it’s quite romantic but also because the lyrics seem to be surprisingly fitting at second glance.

Let’s analyze it because Music is an important aspect.

“One of the great unrequited love songs, "To Be With You" has a true story behind it. Mr. Big lead singer Eric Martin wrote the song when he was still a teenager - 16 or 17 in his estimation. The girl was Patricia Reynolds, and he had it bad for her.

"We were really, really good friends," Martin said in a Songfacts interview. "I was totally enamored with this woman. She was beautiful. Smart. I mean, brains, beauty, break down the walls, made me crawl on my belly like a reptile!

I just loved this woman, but she just wanted to be my friend. She'd have tons of boyfriends, and maybe she misconstrued promiscuity for love. But I wanted to be the knight in shining armor. That's what I was, a knight in shining armor. But basically, I didn't get my feet wet. I wrote it about how I would have done anything to just be more than a friend and a confidante."”

-https://www.songfacts.com/facts/mr-big/to-be-with-you

So much to the history of the song. Do you see the parallels? Do you see them? Do you?

Anyway. When Russell joins Timmy on the stage, he starts with the lines:

Build up your confidence

So you can be on top for once

Wake up, who cares about

Little boys that talk too much

I think this has to be taken literally. Not sure how much I should go into detail here.

This however brings us back to the point of support from our list earlier.

I've seen it all go down

The game of love was all rained out

So come on baby, come on over

Let me be the one to hold you

I'm the one who wants to be with you (I'm the one, yeah)

Deep inside I hope you feel it too (feel it too)

Waited on a line of greens and blues (waited on a line yeah)

Just to be the next to be with you

That’s kinda Gay.

There are jokes all over the seasons that Timmy and Russell are gay but it becomes most clear that Russell is in love with Timmy, in the last season, when Timmy leaves to go on vacation and Russell misses him so much that he gets a girlfriend and turns her into a copy of Timmy.

Things get worse when Timmy finds out that Russell completely lost his marbles and chipped him to always know his whereabouts. This finally makes Timmy leave the company and get a new job where he finally gets treated with respect. It is shown how they miss each other despite everything. But then Timmy loses his work Visa which turns out to be completely Russell’s fault.

Right after Jenn and Adam marry in the last episode, Russell proposes to Timmy so he can stay in America but it becomes clear that there is more than his conscience that made him do this.

Russell turning his girlfriend into Timmy. (There is no heterosexual explanation for this):

https://youtu.be/sX1xTybc6vI

Timmy finding out how much Russell really stalks him. (like. he is totally in love with him):

https://youtu.be/jPWKdwpXCLU

Their Wedding (seems pretty gay to me):

https://youtu.be/Ymp-zaTmnD8

You need to see the whole show as it is. A bunch of horrible people that are made fun of.

Furthermore you could argue that they don’t actually kiss. But maybe marriage is even more meaningful.

I suppose that since we get so little representation, we like to clasp onto everything we can get. Because when I watched this I was too young to understand how offensive the shit they talk about really is. But after all it meant a lot to my gay little heart.

So many years later I gotta say that it needs to be said that it’s a toxic relationship after all. Don’t try it at home. Don’t try it with your boss or assisstant.

In the end it’s a green card marriage. But there is this whole arch of Russell falling in love with Timmy. Most clearly in the last three episodes but also starting a lot earlier. It’s a slow burn after all. It’s never said out loud but we got two bisexual characters right there.

Now I’m asking around my friends what their first gay ship was that became canon. The results really show that we don’t get enough representation in series. Just wow.

Hannigram became canon. kinda. They jumped off a cliff together instead of kissing. That one dude from supernatural you guys keep talking about got sent to super gay hell after confessing.

What I want to say is I just wanna see a healthy gay ship become canon some day.

Thanks for reading!

...So what was your first gay ship that became canon?

#long post #gay #timmy x russell #russell dunbar #timmy patel #timmy/russell #rules of engagement #david spade #adhir kalyan #gay ship #the ship has sailed #cbs #tv #2013 #television #in this essay i will #analysis #toxic relationship #sam watches tv

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strawberry1212 · 4 years ago

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Kdrama Sexist/Toxic Male Lead Tropes

(originally made this post as part of another post about Run On but it got to be so long I just thought I’d made this list it’s own post)

-Possessive and easily jealous, and this is often played off as romantic. For a large portion of kdrama watchers who are younger, and for the majority of us who aren’t chased all the time by hot men, this toxic trait can easily be sold to us as an exciting and flattering trait. But this is in fact not respectful of the female lead’s autonomy. I enjoy the little humorous jealousy moments, (I am reminded of Crash Landing on You) but too often this leads to the classic “two male leads each grab the innocently wide eyed female lead and glare at each other” trope. Women are not ropes to play tug of war with! If jealousy over the instances like the girl simply having a conversation with another guy rupture into real problems in the relationship it is not romantic, but possessiveness is often mistakenly portrayed as an expression of love, when really possessiveness is just that: possessiveness over an object.

-Uses violence to solve problems. This is another thing that can be easily seen as flattering--someone is willing to go to great lengths to protect you/defend your honor/whatever the reason is for the male lead to use violence. This trope was deconstructed in the American movie 500 Days of Summer, where the male lead punches a guy “to defend the honor” of the female lead, but she when she is upset and embarrassed at the situation, he gets angry at her for not being excited over his violent sacrifice.

-The typical “tsundere” narrative of abusive language, but paired with romantic gestures, usually the Grand Romantic Gesture trope. I see this all the time, where the guy berates the girl, sometimes to point of just full on bullying, but then he throws his jacket at her when she’s cold, holds the umbrella over her while he gets wet, etc., In other words he may be verbally abusive but it doesn’t matter because he Truly Loves her. And that she should accept that and understand that about him and not expect him to be polite and respectful.

-He treats everyone but the female lead like trash. Well...he often treats the female lead like trash at first too, but this quality is also marketed as flattering. He treats everyone badly but you’re different! In reality this is super toxic. In fact, it is essential that a person treats *everyone* with decency if they are to meet the baseline requirements of being a person capable of giving and receiving love in a healthy relationship.

-He chases her one sidedly. Oftentimes he chases her even when she rejects him, which shows that dominating, male persistence is a behavior to be rewarded. Again, this is a fantasy easily marketable when many of us aren’t chased around by hot men. It is flattering for a person to be so interested in us that they are incredibly persistent, but this fantasy had very unhealthy, and even harmful real life connotations. There is a very important line between friendliness/respectful attention/flirting, and creepy and domineering. I think it is also equally important to note that in this toxic trope, it is important to teach both men and women that no means no and yes means yes. Not that you can’t have playful/teasing banter, but playing hard to get when you really want to be gotten, is an unhealthy coping mechanism for cowardice in relationships.

I think for this one as with other tropes on this list, it appeals to our childish, insecure, and relationship-immature side of ourselves that would rather have everything fall into place than be honest, vulnerable, and have agency in our romantic interactions. What I mean is, the fantasy of a hot male lead persistently pursuing us after a destiny meet cute is a fantasy where we don’t ever have to put ourselves out there. Where don’t have to consciously try to meet new people, express interest in others, set boundaries, i.e. do the hard work of negotiating our place within other people’s lives.

The hallmark of a bad drama for me is when the give and take between the male and female lead is: the female lead has to put up with the meanness and constant mistakes of the male lead as he hurts her (usually in tangent with the Noble Idiocy trope, where he breaks up with her and steps all over her “for her own good” for some bs reason), but in return she gets the Grand Romantic Gesture, and the male lead does most of the chasing. In a healthy relationship, there aren’t constant hurtful arguments, and both do an equal share of the “chasing,” or a better term would be meeting each other halfway in expressing interest in the other.

-Power imbalance. It really disturbs me how Kdramas fetishize power imbalances between male and female characters to create the helpless/incompetent/somehow indebted but also plucky/cheerful/abuse-taking female lead. This can manifest itself very overtly in the many Kdramas between CEOs and secretaries, which I still cannot believe are popular in 2021. Secretary Kim did a better spin on the usual trope--the secretary holds the power of being very good at her job, and therefore indispensable and respected in her own right, but it remains a mystery to me why these super narcissistic and childish CEOs are played off as “adorable manchilds” that always need a little soothing of their ego. But to return to the power imbalance, besides obvious power imbalances of wealth/power/etc., oftentimes the guy has supernatural powers, or by nature of his job has abilities that render him the “protector” in the relationship (My love from another star, descendants of the sun), or the girl is infantilized in some way to need to protection from the male lead (legend of the blue sea, she is a mermaid and therefore dependent on the male lead for guidance in the human world, bring it on ghost as well). I think these latter power imbalances are constructed into the setting of the story because more overt forms of power imbalances are frowned upon now, but they serve the same patriarchal purpose.

This power imbalance inevitably leads to the female lead putting up with some abuse from the male lead because she “needs” him for some other end, and him holding his power over as a way to keep her close. It fits very well into the enemies to lovers trope in this way, especially some contractual enemies to lovers, where due to the power imbalance he is able to exploit/use her in some way, and keeps her close, and she hates him but has to put up with it for her own survival in some way, but they slowly fall in love. It’s super toxic and not at all romantic because they didn’t choose each other at all, they just were pushed together by circumstance, but again it buys into our fantasy of falling in love due to circumstance, rather than our own agency.

-Overly protective (OP) vs respectfully supportive. (RS) Essentially I can divide Kdramas into these two categories, OP and RS. OP romances can commonly be found in love triangles (where jealousy flourishes) and high school romances (where characters usually have less of a personality lol), and RS relationships are more common in working adult romances, where each character is pursuing their career/dreams and they support each other in those dreams. OP relationships infantilize the female character, render her as just an object in need of saving, and power dynamic between the leads is usually he constantly needs to save her, and in return she “softens”/“heals” him which, under deeper analysis, reveals itself to be quite an insidious and harmful stereotype, the kind of psychology that keeps women in domestic violence relationships. RS relationships are also better in that the leads have something going on outside of their romance, and are motivated beyond just ending up together. My favorite of RS relationships are Miss Hammurabi (two judges that work together to confront injustices in the judicial system), Run On (two leads from v different career fields, but they take interest and support each other throughout career ups and downs), and Hello My Twenties (probably my favorite example of an RS male lead--Sungmin supports Song as she uncovers her past traumas and stands up to an abuser, but does so following her lead and not doing her work for her, but rather simply staying by her side supportively).

Conclusion

This is not all the toxicity in the kdrama world--this is just what I can come up with off the top of my head as my least favorite tropes that disempower women and glorify toxic men and toxic relationships. And of course this is not a problem unique to Korea, and is by no means a condemnation of Korean culture, etc., but I simply happen to enjoy the aesthetics and innocence (compared to American shows haha) of Kdramas, so that is the entertainment world I am familiar with, and feel able to comment on.

#miss hammurabi #run on kdrama #jtbc run on #hello my twenties #feminism #kdrama #kdramas

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