#my thing about hating change is strongest with my personal space so moving is deeply distressing but also necessary

[steampoweredskeleton]

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Ignore

[lucemferto]

Hey girl, don’t mind me, I just quickly went and rewrote Dream SMP Season 2.

I’m focusing on the big plot stuff from Season 2, which makes it really easy for me to make it good, because I don’t have to contend with all the hard parts like dialogue and scene pacing and stuff. As an additional challenge to myself, I try to change as little as possible. If I don’t mention stuff (like the Egg-Arc) then that means I’m fine with them the way they are.

I wrote this in an hour, so don't expect it to be good, pls.

Whether you agree or think this is trash, I'd be so interested to hear your thoughts!

ACT I

Fundy’s early arc with Ghostbur, Eret and Phil is great and should stay the way it is. It sets up the character relationships and potential for conflict that we can explore in the future.

Similarly, I wouldn’t change too much about the conflict during Exile with one exception: Both Tommy and Quackity don’t want to include Technoblade. Instead, they believe that they can take one Dream by themselves – this is important for Techno’s, Tommy’s and Quackity’s personal journey later on. In this rewrite, Quackity also didn’t found El Rapids, but instead recruited George & Sapnap to L’Manburg – because his stated goal is to make L’Manburg the strongest nation on the server, so why would he make a rival nation with a plotline that goes nowhere?

What’s also important is that it’s revealed that Dream has a spy in L’Manburg around here. Maybe Tommy confessed his burning of George’s house during a cabinet meeting and word still got out to Dream. Who knows, but it’s important for later.

Something big that I would change about this Act I is that I would give Techno an actual B-plot. As it stands, Techno’s early plotline was just “Grrr, I’m angry that Tommy would use me like that! Someone killed my cows and robbed me! L’Manburg will know my wrath”

3 weeks later

“Nevermind, I’m a pacifist now and live in the arctic”

Instead, we pick up where S1 left off. Techno is intent on destroying L’Manburg and instituting anarchy. During that time, he comes into conflict with Quackity’s henchmen (Fundy, George, Sapnap, etc.) to establish that L’Manburg could be an actual threat to him.

We also have some conflict with Phil. They’re old war buddies, but Phil’s son built L’Manburg and Phil himself is unofficially Tubbo’s advisor. I think them reconstituting their friendship will take up this early part until Tommy’s exile – it makes for a nice foil to Tommy’s and Tubbo’s friendship falling apart.

Technoblade also tries to recruit people like HBomb and Niki to his cause, but they’re hesitant, because, you know, he sent Withers to destroy their home. Not the best first impression. Techno is hurt, but convinced it’s because of L’Manburg propaganda and they don’t want to work with him, because they don’t see him as useful.

ACT II Part 1

Exile-Arc basically stays exactly the same – with one notable difference. When Technoblade comes to visit Tommy it’s not to mock him – it’s as a final attempt to convince Tommy to join him. It’s a first culmination of Techno’s character journey so far: His previous interactions with the citizenry of L’Manburg has left him shaken, but not shaken enough.

Tommy truly does need “The Blade” right now and he has no reason to further believe L’Manburg’s propaganda. So, by Technoblade’s inner logic, Tommy should accept.

But he doesn’t. Tommy viciously rips into Technoblade and gets very personal (he’s in a bad space, understandably) – Techno can play it off nonchalantly, but either the cinematography or some later moment shows us that he was hurt by this.

Nevertheless, he gives Tommy a compass that points to his HQ, showing us that he cares about Tommy, like he did during their early days in Pogtopia.

This is where we implement some big changes. The story of Technoblade and the Butcher Army becomes the A-plot, while the Exile becomes the B-plot.

It makes perfect sense. The Exile-Arc is a very inward-focused, almost a character study of Tommy and Dream. It doesn’t have a lot of big narrative movement – so the perfect time to execute on that narrative movement in the storyline that has a lot of moving pieces.

So, after Tommy chewed him out, Techno is hurt and meets with Philza. Techno then explains that for him anarchy always was the natural order of things – to fight for a world where only the strongest survive – but pursuing anarchy like that has left him empty. Philza then explains that anarchy should be more about helping people and building an equal community.

We’re all but stating a major thematic conflict of this storyline: Fighting those who wronged you vs. Helping those in need. All this while also exploring the philosophy of anarchy with Techno and Philza serving as symbolic stand-ins for some different thoughts on the matter.

So, while Tommy’s Exile is going on, Techno refines his approach. This goes hand in hand with Quackity using his henchman to turn L’Manburg into a totalitarian police state in order to root out Dream’s traitor (told you it would become important later).

This will be the main conflict here in the first half of Act 2. Quackity and Philza will play shoulder-devil and shoulder-angel respectively for Tubbo and Fundy, pulling them in different directions. Ghostbur also hangs around L’Manburg – a constant reminder for Tubbo of the most sanitized version of President Wilbur and the lofty ideas he stood for.

This is another big thematic conflict for this storyline – externalized in part through Ghostbur’s presence: When do the ends no longer justify the means? It also feeds into the motif of Tubbo and Tommy becoming like Schlatt and Wilbur respectively (even if that’s still mostly superficial).

During this political turmoil, Niki is getting into Quackity’s crosshairs. She opposes his policing and brutal methods. So Quackity really focuses in on her and she has to live with constant surveillance, searches, etc. Niki tries to talk to Tubbo about this, but he says it’s necessary to keep L’Manburg safe. Slowly, Niki grows disillusioned with L’Manburg.

It is during this time that Niki gets into contact with Techno and the two start to form a bond and helping the citizenry hold out hope during this time (I don’t know who would be the citizenry, probably people that don’t have their own storyline going on such as HBomb, Vikkstar, Lazarbeam, etc.)

And we can have a few lorestreams like that, where the conceit is that Techno’s sneaking into L’Manburg to help people and there’s actual tension.

All this culminates in Hog Hunt. Fundy sees Phil, Niki and Techno team-up. He confronts them after Techno left and Phil begs Fundy to not out them – but their divide has grown too deep (and we’ve actually shown that during Fundy’s streams this time).

Quackity has Phil and Niki incarcerated (L’Manburg has a prison now, it’s not as good as Pandora’s Vualt). Tubbo is deeply disturbed that Philza and Niki would betray him by working with the man that took one of his canon lives and finally gives the Butcher Army his presidential approval. Quackity was already prepared and the events of Hog Hunt play out as we know them.

ACT II Part 2

Again, plays out relatively similarly, except for one major difference: Tommy comes to Techno with the explicit purpose of asking for his help. Exile has left him really hardened, probably more so than we have currently.

This would a.) make Tommy a bit more proactive in his partnership with Techno and b.) actually gives some weight to Techno’s later beef with Tommy, because now it’s based on more than just some flimsy phrasing during S1.

Otherwise, this plays out relatively similarly – Techno and Tommy maybe share a few more character moments, just to drive home that Techno cares about Tommy. Also, none of that dumb keeping it a secret whether or not we destroy L’Manburg – that’s some contrived nonsense and I hate it.

Tommy knows that Techno wants to destroy L’Manburg and while he’s conflicted, he ultimately goes along with. Once he gets his discs back, everything will be over after all. The destruction of L’Manburg will have been worth it.

Part of the rising action will be breaking Phil and Niki out of prison instead of the petty bullshit about Techno’s items that he doesn’t need. This is where we have the initial confrontation between Tommy and Tubbo (and Techno doesn’t ruin the moment by being his worst self).

Other plot points include: Techno receives the Wither Skulls over the course of him and Tommy working together by some mysterious benefactor. This is after he and Tommy confronted Dream. He doesn’t tell Tommy who the benefactor is, even though he knows (spoilers: it’s Dream).

Meanwhile, Tommy, Techno, Niki and Phil are secretly rigging New L’Manburg with TNT a la Wilbur, just to really drive that comparison home. Niki is getting really angry; she has suffered enough and she’s really gonna get revenge.

One of her big moments of terrorism before the Green Festival is burning down the L’Mantree (maybe we can include some character conflict Fundy, so we have these two people who were once really close friends now so warped and torn apart by these two sides at war).

Meanwhile, Quackity has figured out that Ranboo was the traitor and is pushing for Tubbo to execute Ranboo for the greater good of L’Manburg. Tubbo is hesitant, but as there’s no moderate voice in the cabinet anymore, he concedes to the idea.

Finally, the Green Festival is here. This part is really … tough to rewrite, because you have to accommodate so many different character arcs, but I’ll try my best.

In a move not unlike during the Red Festival, Ranboo is revealed as the traitor and put in the execution cage (because those parallels). Tubbo feels really bad about it.

This is when Tommy and Techno start their assault and unleash the whithers. L’Manburg is under attack and we have the big fight between Tubbo and Tommy. We get the big shout-out “The discs were worth more than you ever were” and the ensuing epiphany on Tommy part.

Techno’s calling for him to explode the TNT, but he doesn’t do it.

Quackity is calling for Tubbo to execute Ranboo, but Tubbo has an epiphany himself and refuses. Both their personal conflicts are resolved here. Also, we have some nice parallelism between Quackity and Techno as Tubbo’s and Tommy’s respective bad influences.

Techno – understandably this time – feels betrayed and hurt. He and Tommy have their shouting match. Quackity tries to attack Techno, but during their match they accidentally trigger the TNT. Quackity’s hunger for power has created the grave of his ambitions.

(Niki is also pissed at Tommy and Fundy is fully distraught, because L’Manburg was everything he had left from Wilbur).

Dream steps out of the shadows and reveals that he was Techno’s mysterious benefactor. He gets his hands on the second disc and gloats to Tommy. The scene from Doomsday plays out only that Techno shows some stings of remorse for helping Dream accomplish what he wanted. (Quackity flees the ensuing chaos).

Dream tries to goad Tommy with the discs, but Tommy doesn’t bite, because he has resolved his Want vs. Need now. Dream is frustrated, but retreats for now.

ACT III

In the aftermath of ACT II, I think it’s very important to hammer home that this wasn’t a win for Techno, Niki or Phil. For that to work I think it’s important to make clear that Tommy’s and Techno’s bond was genuine and that they really cared for each other during the Bedrock Bros thing. Neither of them is happy for how this turned.

Niki is plagued by nightmares and sleeps in a prison cell like in the current canon. She stands in symbolic for the emptiness that vengeance brings. Phil is shaken from his talk to Ghostbur and he’s the one who brings up that maybe what they did wasn’t for the best.

Then Techno and Phil have a discussion about the nature of anarchy again, calling back to that earlier conversation at the beginning of Act 2. Techno also feels empty – his vengeance and the destruction he wrought left him no happier.

Meanwhile, Punz and Tommy are actually spending some quality bonding time. Thanks to the medium, they could simulate that pretty well. Punz actually gets attached and when Dream mentions his coup-de-grâce, the cinematography shows that Punz isn’t too happy about it.

Tommy and Tubbo prepare to fight Dream on their own terms. They know, they have to stop him lest he hurts the people they care about (this makes both of them a bit more proactive in the finale). Punz (as per Dream’s orders) tells Tommy where Dream is hiding. Tommy thanks him, oblivious that Punz is a traitor, but Punz feels bad. He has grown attached to Tommy.

During the Final Disc War we actually get two perspectives: One is Tommy’s and Tubbo’s as we know it (only without the constant “Your discs or Tubbo”-stuff) and the other is Punz’s. He has decided to help Tommy even though there’s nothing monetarily in it for him.

First, he goes to Quackity, but Quackity says that Tommy has betrayed him and L’Manburg and that he gets what’s coming to him.

In a last-ditch effort, he goes to Techno. Here’s where we resolve that thematic conflict (Vengeance vs. Charity) for the Techno-Butcher Army storyline: Quackity has chosen to perpetuate the cycle of vengeance (because he will be the villain in S3), but we want some nice character development for Techno.

Niki is against it and stays put, but Techno and Philza ultimately decide to go with Punz and the others to help Tommy.

Finale plays out the same. Stuff’s still awkward between Techno and Tommy/Tubbo; they haven’t resolved all their problems, but it’s a first step. Some good set-up for S3.

And that’s my basic rewrite. It’s long and probably not the best.

[animatedarchives]

Can I request an imagine where midoriya cheats on the reader and bakugo finds her crying in the halls and is there for her and they grow a romantic relationship? Lots of angst and fluff pls! Thank u!

author’s note: hi dear, yes you absolutely can!! i love soft katsuki and i’m so sorry if this is not what you wanted but i hope you like it!! <3

TRUST FALL

— 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐆𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈

genre: angst at first, fluff at the end :>

warnings: mentions of cheating

word count: 1.2k words

“Izuku… Why?”

“I’m sorry Y/N… I didn’t know how to tell you…”

“Am I not good enough? Is that it? Is that why you cheated on me? Is there someone better?”

“I… I’m sorry Y/N…”

“Wait, don’t leave! Izuku, wait! Please! Please…”

You’ve been replaying the conversation over and over in your head for the past hour, each time failing to find the answer to your question.

Why? Why did you leave me?

The poor condition of the abandoned hallway you were in mirrored your despair; paint peeling off the walls, windows coated with grime and the dusty ground on which you sat in melancholy.

You leaned your head back against the wall, desperately trying to pull yourself together. You felt and looked like an absolute wreck. Your hair that was perfectly styled this morning was now disheveled, acting as a curtain that attempted to shield you from the hurts of the world. The trails on your cheeks held traces of all the tears you had shed. Your throat was parched for water and your eyes burned from the overproduction of saline.

Well, at least no one is here to see you like thi-

“Oi.”

Crap.

“What the hell are you doing here, sitting on the floor like a damn idiot?”

You have got to be joking. The universe just had to give you someone you knew. You shifted your body so that your back was facing him and swiftly wiped your eyes in a pitiful attempt to hide your misery.

“Oi! Don’t ignore me when I’m talking to you, shitface!” he spat.

“Dammit, Bakugo! Can you just mind your own business and leave me the hell alone?” you yelled over your shoulder.

You’ve never been very close to Bakugo and usually just tried to avoid him. It wasn’t because you hated him - because you didn’t - but you weren’t exactly very fond of him either. You just never appreciated the way he treated your now ex-boyfriend. Being fiercely protective of him, you were always the first one to come to Izuku’s defence and never backed down from a fight - whether verbal or physical - even if it was against Bakugo, one of the strongest, most hot-headed people in class. After multiple scoldings from Iida and your teachers, you decided it would be best to just avoid him altogether.

Eventually, as time went on and your relationship with Izuku began to get more serious, Bakugo’s bullying began to cease and he also started to keep his distance from the two of you. You found it slightly unusual at first, given he had years to stop picking on Izuku but chose not to until now. You weren’t complaining though. Whenever you and Izuku were together, you would also catch him glaring daggers at the two of you, more so at Izuku, but he never approached. You knew it wasn’t because he was afraid of you - he was hardly afraid of anything. Could it be that he possibly respected you for standing up to him? Your curiosity reaped no answers. Not that you cared much, but it would be a lie to say you weren’t interested in knowing the reason for his change in behaviour.

After your outburst, Bakugo’s footsteps stopped about three metres away from your curled up body, letting a tense silence settle between you. Even with your back turned, you could feel his eyes locked on your frame, watching your every move.

“Look, I don’t know what your damn problem is but if you think you can tell me what to do, you’d better think again,” his voice dripping with annoyance.

Oh my god, why was he so persistent? Could he not just go away? Your blood started to boil and the heat rushed to your face.

“Stop acting so weak and pathetic-”

“YOU KNOW WHAT BAKUGO,” you snapped, standing up and finally facing him. Bakugo’s eyes widened slightly as he took in the sight of your tear-stained face, but he didn’t look away. “YOU’RE RIGHT. MAYBE THAT REALLY IS WHAT I AM. WEAK AND PATHETIC.”

Bakugo opened his mouth but you cut him off.

“I’m constantly there for others and I always try to give everyone my all but in the end, who’s there for me? No one! I’m always the one that’s suffering, but people don’t notice because no one actually stops to think about me!”

“But Deku-”

“IZUKU CHEATED ON ME!” your cries echoed down the empty hallway. Hearing yourself say it out loud finally cemented the reality you were denying for so long. A lump started to form in your throat and you could feel your eyes starting to well up with tears again.

Bakugo’s body became stiff, a million thoughts running through his mind. You could have sworn you saw his eyes flash with anger, but you couldn’t see clearly through the thin film impairing your vision.

You choked out a sob. “I thought that someone had finally accepted me, finally acknowledged that I was worthy of being loved. But in the end, even the person I gave my everything to thought I wasn’t good enough.” You inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath. You couldn’t cry in front of him. You wouldn’t. A wave of exhaustion finally hit you and you slid back down against the wall, curling into a ball and resting your chin on your knees. You were just so tired of everything.

“I don’t even know why I’m telling you this,” you laughed bitterly. “It’s not like you even care anyway.” You watched as an ant crawled across the space between you and Bakugo. Even ants had a colony, others they could depend on. And you? You had nobody.

“I do.”

Your train of thought came to a screeching halt as his words reached your ears. Your eyebrows furrowed and you raised your head to look up at him through your wet lashes. You had been here for so long that the sun was beginning to set, bathing Bakugo in a soft peachy glow.

“What?” you asked.

He looked at you straight in the eye, unflinching.

“I said I do,” he repeated. “I do care. About you.”

You blinked at him once. Twice. Three times. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Bakugo Katsuki, the last person in the world you thought you would be pouring your heart out to, just said he cared about you.

“Don’t lie,” you scoffed.

“Tch, I’m not lying, you idiot. You just don’t want to accept it,” he replied flatly.

Well, how could you? Words were just words after all. Izuku consistently told you that he loved you and still he shattered your heart. Trusting people just wouldn’t be so easy anymore. Your disbelief became apparent when you broke his gaze and pulled your knees closer to your chest.

He let out an exasperated sigh. “You never let me finish, by the way,” he said. You made no move to respond, but you were listening to every word he was saying, weighing the sincerity of each one.

“I said stop acting so weak and pathetic, not because you are, but because it is everything you are not.”

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe him so bad but you couldn’t find the heart to.

“You have never backed down when it came to protecting Deku against me. You weren’t afraid to stand up and challenge me. In fact, you are always at the frontlines, defending people you care so deeply about. That doesn’t make you weak. It shows that you’re strong. Putting others before yourself is a trait that every great hero has. And I admired you for that. A lot.”

Your mind was whirring. Not only were the things he was saying difficult to believe, but the words coming out of Bakugo's own mouth being anything but foul was so terrifyingly uncharacteristic of him that you couldn’t possibly believe it was true.

“Which is why…” he muttered, so softly that you almost didn’t catch it. You waited for him to finish his sentence but he never did.

You glanced at him from the corner of your eye and saw him looking at the floor. You had never seen Bakugo this vulnerable before. Oh, how the tables had turned.

“Which is why…?” you urged him to continue. You weren’t sure if it was the radiant sun that gave a reddish tint to his cheeks or if you were actually witnessing the infamously brash Bakugo Katsuki blushing.

“Which is why I li…” he mumbled, the end of his sentence dissipating due to lack of articulation.

“Why what?” you asked again, mildly irritated that he wouldn’t just spit it out.

He groaned loudly.

“WHICH IS WHY I LIKE YOU, DAMMIT!” he finally admitted, raising his voice as he turned to look straight at you.

Your eyes widened so much you thought your eyeballs were going to pop out of their sockets. You didn’t even bother hiding the shock on your face. This was simply incomprehensible.

But the more you mulled it over, the more it started to make sense. The explanation for Bakugo’s behaviour towards you and Izuku could finally be explained: he was jealous. Seeing you with anyone but himself infuriated him, especially if it was the boy who was effortlessly gaining everything he had ever wanted. That was why Bakugo continued tormenting Izuku, only he never expected it would be you that he would end up fighting as you stepped in to defend your boyfriend. As your relationship became more serious, Bakugo was forced to step back out of respect, but he never stopped glowering whenever he saw you two together. The reason he stopped tormenting Izuku was not because he was afraid of you, nor was it because he respected your determination to defend the boy you loved. It was because it would break his heart to be the cause of your distress. Everything he did… was because of you.

“WELL? Don’t just give me that stupid look! Say something!” he shouted in frustration, desperate for an answer.

Part of you felt relieved to see Bakugo return to his familiar aggressive self, but another part somehow knew that he was only doing it to cover up the fact that he was deeply embarrassed. The thought made a small smile tug at the corner of your lips. You valued the fact that he trusted you enough to let his guard down.

And you wanted to trust him too. But with everything that had happened, you just weren’t sure if you were ready to put your heart on the line again. Your eyebrows knitted together in concentration as you tried to form a coherent string of words that could accurately express everything you thought and felt.

He watched intently as you bit your lower lip and fiddled nervously with the hem of your skirt. Although the suspense was eating him alive, he respected the fact that you needed to collect your thoughts and waited patiently for your answer. Besides, it meant that you were seriously considering his confession, which was all he could have hoped for. Finally, you got to your feet and made your way over to him, his crimson eyes never leaving yours.

“Bakugo…” you started gently. He might have seemed collected on the outside, but his heart was beating impeccably fast and his anxiety levels were off the charts.

“I really appreciate your honesty but… I’m just really unsure. It’s not that I don’t want to trust you but…” you exhaled shakily. “I’m just scared. I can’t just keep giving my heart to people I’m not sure would treasure it… I just can’t. I need to protect myself too. I don’t want my heart to get broken again. I-”

He grabbed your face and pressed his lips against yours, cutting you off. Caught by surprise, you weren’t sure how to respond. But as he kissed you, you could feel how much he meant every single thing he said. Suddenly, they weren’t just words anymore.

The kiss was soft and gentle as if he were afraid to hurt you, especially when you were already in so much pain. Yet, he never lacked passion, because he wanted to prove how true his feelings were for you. But above all, the kiss… his love…

It was sincere.

Genuine.

Honest.

You melted into the kiss, hesitant at first but slowly willing to give love another try.

Bakugo broke the kiss and leaned back to admire the face he thought was so beautiful. His strong hands traced down your face to your shoulders and finally came to a rest at your arms, rubbing your skin soothingly.

“You’re right, you know. You can’t just give your heart to people. If you do, you’re bound to get heartbroken,” he said.

You frowned and stared forlornly at your feet, unsure of what to say. You knew he was right but you couldn’t help it. All you ever wanted was to be loved. To matter to someone.

“Which is why,” he took your chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting your head up to look at him. For the first time, you saw his eyes up close. They weren’t the blazing hot embers everyone associated with his rageful and dangerous behaviour. Right now, under the warmth of the setting sun, they were the soft comfort of red satin that whispered a love so pure, you couldn’t help but feel enraptured by them. His eyes burned, but it was far from malicious. They burned with desire for one thing alone.

You.

“I will do whatever it takes to earn it.”

© written and published by animatedarchives 2020. please do not steal or repost. thank you.

[raz-b-rose]

Daminette Soulmate AU Scars

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23608933/chapters/56792128#workskin

For as long as Marinette could remember, she had always been covered in scars. Her parents were concerned to say the least. What was going on in her soulmates life for a new scar to appear on their daughter's body on an almost weekly starting at the age of four. Marinette however felt differently. Yes she was worried but she had the feeling that he was a fighter, and he was, in her heart, the strongest person she knew. 

The scars slowed as she grew older, but never gone for long. They almost stopped altogether when she turned eleven, only the occasional scrape in her knuckles or knees now. She did have one thing to thank about this bond though, that only she could see the colors. To everyone else she would be walking around painted in pale green lines on almost every surface of her body. She would trace his scars over and over, dreaming of the day she could see his green eyes for herself. 

She would dance around her parents, spouting her all her dreams and desires. Everything from their wedding to what their house would look like and how many kids they would have. Her parents tried to be supportive, but the possibility of what her soulmate's life was like left their hearts heavy. Marinette remained the optimist, believing that everything would be ok. 

All those dreams were crushed one day however, shortly after she turned thirteen. She had been taking a shower, when the worst pain she had ever felt pierced her heart. She cried out, grasping at her heart, trying for anything to make the pain stop. She started to cry, it hurt so bad.

Then she felt it, a new scar forming just below her clavicle, before everything went numb. 

She laid there in the bathtub, the water beating down on her, but she couldn’t feel a single thing. She can feel her panic rising, it takes her a few tries to get out of the tub, her brain having trouble connecting the loss of touch to the grip her hands are trying to maintain on the tub's rim.  

She collapses onto the floor, crying when she can’t feel the cool tile against her cheek, or the water pooling around her body. Her sobs increase when she can’t feel the tears she knows she is crying. Why can’t she feel anything?

She can hear her mother knocking on the door, her voice rising in hysteric as Marinette fails to respond. She pushes herself up slowly, fumbling at the lock on the door, feeling a small victory when she finally unlocks it before falling to the floor again. 

Her mother rushes in, quick to scoop her daughter up, crying when she sees her daughter's newest scar, quick to cover her in a towel, attempting to delay the inevitable. “Mom, I can’t feel anything.” 

Sabine tears up even more, knowing the harsh truth her daughter had to face at just thirteen years old, much too young for heart break. But was there ever a proper age for it? She gently carries her daughter to her room. She dresses her, and brushes her hair, knowing that any gentle touch she normally used to calm her Dou Dou, would have no effect now. 

Marinette kept asking her mom questions, anxious for answers, confused and scared. Her mother remained silent, only sitting behind her. Marinette glances at her mirror in the corner, watching as her mother brushes out her hair, wishing just this once she could feel the pain from a stubborn knot. Then she sees it, an ugly green scar right where she had been in intense pain earlier. 

Marinette can feel herself starting to hyperventilate. She pulls at her shirt, frustration growing when she can’t feel the soft cotton. Most of the time, scars healed in thin lines or round circles, depending on what made the original injury. This however looks like it had healed over rough and bumpy. It was still a little red, blotching around the edges, a few scabs covered it as well. 

“Mom he died” There was no way to survive an injury to cause this scar. Her soulmate was dead. Before she had even gotten to see his green eyes, he left this world. She watches, horror growing as her mother brushes her hands over her back. He had been impaled straight through. Marinette started to feel sick, at least she still had that. 

“I’m so sorry Dou Dou, but you will never be able to feel anything again.” She hugs her close, kissing her head softly. Marinette doesn't miss how her mother doesn’t tell her she’s wrong. Now her heart feels just as numb as the rest of her. It was a solemn night in the Dupain-Cheng household.  

She started therapy that week, learning to move without touch, learning to function as if her second half wasn’t snatched right from under her. It was a good thing she did, or Marinette figures she would have only wallowed in self pity, and festering anger at the unfairness of it all. But she would be strong for him, whoever he was. Was, she reminds herself. 

And strong she was. When she returned to school, she didn’t let any of her friends know what had happened, practicing careful movements, too careful sometimes and overcompensating her reactions into clumsy falls and spins. She put on the facade of one who spaced out easily, one who you had to call loudly to grab her attention. A classic space cadet. 

Life became a new normal, and the pain lessened, and she grew older. Life was good, and she was finding the ability and joy to see all the blessings she still had in life. She genuinely smiled more, her heart healing and ready to overflow with love for those around her. 

It was because of this life through her for another loop. She became the hero known as Lady Bug, and one could say her loss was a perk for how often  she was thrown against solid objects. But she took it in stride, and worked hard to improve her skills to help Paris survive. 

Chat Noir became suspicious as more and more fights continued. He finally asked after a particularly nasty akuma, if her miraculous offered extra protection. “I can handle a hit ok, but I can definitely feel it. You always get back up without flinching.” She flinched at that, and he definitely noticed. 

“My soulmate died a couple years ago, so I am unable to feel anything anymore.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry Bug, oh man”

She rubs her chest where her reminder sat, “I never knew him, but it still hurt you know, left quite the nasty scar.” She tried to lift the mood with a dry laugh, but it just made the air thicker. 

“Pain like that never goes away.” He was so quiet and gentle, leaving both relieved and saddened for the other that they could understand the pain of loss. Their bond strengthened a little more that day, and only increased more over the years. 

Her carefully built and maintained facade was quickly broken however with the arrival of one Lila Rossi. The girl was cunning and perceptive. Why she had it out for Marinette, she may never know. Lila was careful, starting with the casual talk of soulmates, before moving onto the unfortunate topic and widely varying stories of those who lost theirs. Some say you died with your soulmate, others said you couldn’t tell when your soulmates died, and of course Marinette's reality, that you lost the ability to feel. 

Lila however took these speculations a step further. She claimed that her cousin lost her soulmate and not only lost physical touch, but her emotions as well. That she could no longer love, that she went to acting classes to hide among those who could feel emotions, that she was nothing more than an empty shell. 

Marinette never engaged with these conversations, put off by the idea that it could be the truth. After all, she was proof that it wasn't always true after all. She still loved deeply and felt joy and anger and sadness. She was still herself, just without her perfect other half. 

Her friends were quick to sympathize with Lila’s cousin. How tragic, and how horrible that she would never be normal again. It wasn’t until she entered the classroom one day, faced by the suspicious and scared stares of her friends, that Marinette knew her life was to change again. She doesn’t know how Lila found out, but the reality is she did, and Marinette would take it in stride. 

Lila accused her of pretending to be everyone's friend, that she was a monster trying to fool everyone around her. The class seemed to trust every word that Lila spoke, after all, logically speaking, she couldn’t have good intentions if she couldn’t feel anything. Marinette could only be offended, betrayed, shocked and hurt. 

She told them it was true she could no longer feel the physical world, but she assured them that her emotions were intact. She loved them all dearly, and nothing would ever change that. She could tell they didn’t quite believe her.

“You are a great actor Marinette, trying to trick us like that” Lila whimpers, trying to make herself look small. 

“In theory, if I can’t feel good emotions, why would I be able to feel bad ones?” Marinatte asked, desperate for them to think this through. “I could never be anything, much less mean spirited and conniving.” Lila looked like she took personal offense to that. 

“That's a good point” Rose whispers, her hands clasped tightly, clearly the whole situation stressing her out. She did hate confrontation afterall. 

“I have always loved you guys, but if you want to believe differently, I can’t stop you.” 

“How do we know you really can’t feel anything, maybe you’re just trying to get sympathy” Chloe just had to spark the situation back into a raging fire. Soon everyone is talking over the other, each looking more and more agitated as moer words are exchanged. 

Marinette just sighs. She walks up to Nathanial, asking for his exacto knife. He hands it over, with some trepidation, but hands it over nonetheless. Marinette smacks the table top loud enough to get everyone's attention.

“I was thirteen when he died,” she pulls down her shirt enough for everyone to see her scar, the emotions ranging from sympathy to horror. “And I haven’t been able to feel anything since this scar appeared.” With that she takes Nathanial’s knife to her forearm, cutting three even lines, her hand nor flinching or wavering once.

“Marinette!” Everyone cried out, scrambling to help her. She doesn't realize she's crying until someone, Kim she thinks, is asking if it hurts. 

“It’s never going to stop hurting,” she sobs, “he’s gone forever and I will never be the same again! Is this proof enough for you!”    

“What is going on here- Oh my goodness Marinette!” Ms. Bustier rushes up the steps, quickly taking Marinette to the nurses office. The adults are panicking, Marinette tells them the truth, letting the nurse know that she doesn't feel anything so she doesn’t have to waste her medicine on her. It took quite a bit of convincing from her parents to let her leave without the medicine or a doctors office visit. 

Things were tense in the classroom for a while after that, and Lila and Chloe stopped talking to her altogether. Marinette had imagined worse than this if her friends were to find out, she would take the tip toeing over the silent treatment anyday. 

The girls tried to stop talking soulmates around Marinette, but she wouldn’t have it. She encouraged them to talk about their dreams and thoughts about at all. She wanted them to continue to hold onto that hope and future for as long as they could. 

It wouldn’t be until Marinette was sixteen that her world shifted once again. It was dinner time, she had a slip with the knife, and sliced her finger. “Ow!” Marinette turns to throw away the food when the burning sensation actually registered in the unused part of her brain. She freezes, staring at the blood pooling around her finger, relishing in the hurt. Not that she enjoyed pain, no she just couldn’t believe she could feel pain once more. 

“Mom! Dad!” Marinette starts to scream because this could only be a dream. There was no way she could feel again. “Mom! Dad!” 

“What is it Marinette?” They bust into the apartment, her mother quick to grow frantic at the sight of blood now covering her daughter's hand and arm. 

“It hurt. The cut hurts.” Her parents freeze, exchanging bewildered glances. 

“What?” Her mother sounds like she’s trying not to believe it. Marinette agrees, it's too good to be true. So she reaches up to touch her hair, relishing in the greasy unwashed state, her face too oily, her shirt a soft silk. She spins around, swinging open the freezer, laughing at the burning cold of the ice cubes. She fails to notice the new scar forming along her knuckle on her right hand. 

“Marinette sweetie, please sit down so we can take care of that cut.” Her father pushes towards the island, 

She winces at the disinfectant, trying not to wiggle in her seat to feel the hardwood beneath her. The pressure from the bandaid just adds to her new reality, she starts with a laugh before it mixes with tears. 

“What does it mean?”

“I don’t know sweetie, we will go to the doctors first thing tomorrow,” 

Despite Marinette having stayed up too late touching anything and everything in her room, she didn’t feel overly tired while waiting in the doctor's office. The fabric used on the waiting chairs were itchy and Marinette decided she did not like that, but couldn’t feel regretful towards her shorts at all. 

“Well Ms. Dupain-Cheng, there have been stories about soulmates falling into a coma, and that could explain what is happening now.”

“A coma?” Marinette whispers in surprise, hope blossoming in her chest once more. 

“Yes, it's very unlikely that you have a new soulmate, with you being sixteen and all.” 

“Doctor you said stories and not studies, sorry if I would like a little more of a solid reasoning.”

“Unfortunately, it's been a hard area to study so research is often limited and incomplete.”

“I see” Her mother murmurs, gripping her hand tightly. 

“The only other explainable reason is her heart healed from the loss. After all, people can’t come back from the dead.”

Marinette felt a little crushed after that. The possibility that her soulmate was possibly still dead was not one she really wanted to consider but she needed to be realistic. It has been three years now. Her body had probably finished healing from the shock. So Marinette pushed aside the notion of an awakened soulmate in a hospital somewhere and instead focused on her second chance at living life to the fullest. 

Her friends couldn’t believe it, the romantics holding out for the coma theory, despite Marinette protests. She melted into the first hug she had felt from Alya and Adrian, each of them crying tears of joy. 

When she told Chat Noir later that day, he looked at her in confusion before exclaiming something she never thought she would hear him say as LadyBug. “Marinette?”

“What?”

“You are! You’re Marinette, oh my gosh”

“What are you talking about Chat?” She laughs nervously. He drops his transformation before she can protest, leaving Adrian in his place. She gapes in surprise for a few minutes before joyously throwing herself into his arms. It had been a rough and wild two years, but things didn’t feel all that different in the long run.

Things weren’t all that different for Damian. He felt lost and empty when he woke up in his father's arms. Yes he was thankful at a second chance at life. He felt overjoyed to be with his family again, but something was missing. A year being dead so it was understandable that he couldn’t feel anything. Titus’ fur, bat cows horns, or the cool steel of his blades. Something must be wrong with him. A side effect from the magic? How would his family react to finding out? So he kept it a secret, afraid of the possible rejection. 

It was one week later that he discovered another side effect of the magic. He now had super strength and flight. It was a learning curve to say the least. At least the loss of physical touch helped with the super strength part of things. 

He couldn’t keep his secret for too long though, however six months was an amazing feat to say the least. He had gotten cut during a scuffle, the blood going unnoticed until Dick had panicked, calling for Alfred to bring the medical supplies. 

“Why did you say anything!” 

Damian can only sit quietly, refusing to look at Alfreds hands as he works the stitches into his skin. He knows he won't feel it anyway so why look. 

“Master Damian, normally you would be a squirming mess as I do this, care to explain” His words may be stern, but his voice was so gentle. Of course he already knew the answer to his question. Bruce walked over, kneeling in front of his son, and Damian was shocked by the emotion on his father's face. He looked so solem and heartbroken. 

“Damian can you feel anything?”

“No...but I’m sure it's just from the magic so I wouldn’t be too concerned father”

“Oh baby bird. Damian…” Dick sighs, coming up to hug him. Damian sits confused by everyone's reaction, for no one said anything else for a few minutes. Bruce was holding his head in his hand, and Alfred just continued to stitch him up, moving faster than normal. 

“Damian I am so sorry, but when you died, your soulmate must have died as well.” 

Well, Damian thinks to himself, that explains the empty feeling. He looks at his fingertips, where little blue prickmarks sat, then at his arms where the circled burn marks sat around his wrists. He had always theorized about what kind of girl his soulmates was. She must have a hobby like cooking for her to get the burn marks. And probably a craft of sorts for the marks on the tips of his fingers.

He always felt like she was a gentle spirit, patient and energetic. He tried to not think too hard about when they would meet, if they would ever meet. At the time he was with his mother, and soul mates were a taboo topic. With his father, he never felt the need to bring it up, and no one ever discussed it freely. So he assumed the same rules apply. 

“They say sometimes when one soulmate dies, so does the other. If you still can’t feel anything then..” Dick doesn’t finish his thought. 

“Oh” Damian hops off the table, shuffling back towards the manors elevator. He pauses before he pushes the button. “So I will be like this forever?”

“Most likely.” His father answers him.

“I see, I will use this new development to the best of my ability. Good night.” Dick can’t find the emotional energy to chastise him for taking such a rational approach. It must be his base morals rising back up to cover the hurt. 

And fighting to cover the hurt Damian was. The idea that something he only realized he wanted now that he couldn’t have it stung worse than any physical would he had ever gotten. Except maybe that stab through the chest. That definitely didn’t feel great, and he can only hope his soulmate didn’t suffer from it like he had.  

Damian decided to stop focusing on the impossible and strived for perfecting his new found abilities and refining his ingrained training. Two years and a good portion of the training was wasted. It happened in a moment with no warning. 

He had been practicing his punches on a cliff side, the rock having a similar consistency to a punching bag. He paused to take a drink of water before throwing another punch at the rock wall, only to recoil in pain. “The hell!” His hand started to throb, the skin tinted red and knuckles bleeding. 

Damian was now more confused than ever, jumping when the spray from the ocean splashes against his legs. Crouching down he runs his fingers through the sand, the damp grainy sensation oddly satisfying. He tries to fly back up to the manor, but finds he can’t do that anymore either. Well crap, Damian eyes the rocky cliffs. That's the last time Damian relies so heavily on magic.  

Finally back on the Manors grounds, he lays for a moment, enjoying the cool grass, still damp from the morning sprinklers, and the warmth of the rising sun on his face. Now the only question was, why is this happening and what does it mean. 

He marches past his family in the kitchen, heading straight for the cave, quick to gather as much information he can on soul mates that he deems necessary. Hours later the only explanation he can find is that his soulmate could have fallen into a coma at the moment of his death. So he started searching the world for anyone who had fallen into a coma the day he died, but found nothing. His frustration grew.

“Hey, you’ve been down here for awhile. Do you have a new case?” Damian eyes Tim, deciding whether or not he wants his input or not. He decides he has nothing to lose, only to gain from his thoughts on the matter. 

“I regained the ability to feel while simultaneously losing my gained powers.”

“Whoa that's like near impossible to happen”

“Unless my soulmate was in a coma for the last three years, which I have found no record of.”

“Well perhaps neither of those things ever happened, so the magic has worn off.”

“Or?”

“She really is gone, and the magic restored your body to normal with the exchange of your powers. It would be better to ask one of the magic users in the League, not really my preferred area of speculation.”

Damian immediately sought out who he could, eager to find an answer for this phenomenon. However they all had either the same theories or no answers. Even Zatanna couldn't help him, it was after the urging of his family that he halted his search. 

She might not even be out there, she could honestly be dead and his hyper focus on this false hope isn’t helping. So he let it go, let the idea of her go, let go the last sliver of hope he had that she was still out there waiting for him. It was time to move on. He tried to ignore the lingering blue on his hands, and took to wearing gloves on the regular. This decision would leave him ignorant to all the new scars that would appear as Marinette would forget to be careful some days and had reignited her passion for sewing. Marinette as well would miss her new scars as she had so many already, it was quite easy to miss the fresh ones. She would simply overlook them, focusing on never entertaining the idea of a second chance. 

It was shortly after Marinette regained her feeling that Wonder Woman approached them with the offer of mentorship and even league membership in the future. To say she and Chat were surprised was an understatement. While Chat was quick to agree, it took some convincing from her partner and the prospect of meeting a past user of Tikki’s for Marinette to agree. She also met Nightwing, the lead trainer of hero youths and Zatanna, another magic user. They both offered invaluable insight and wisdom they eagerly accepted. It was tough learning on the fly all these years. 

Damian had heard of these new heros, but elected to keep his focus on Gotham while the rest of the family was quick to introduce themselves. Chat made frequent trips to the space station to meet with other heros while Marinette stayed in Paris as much as she could, continuing her work on their search for Hawkmoth. It was through Chat that she and Red Robin met, both quick to help the other with their research. 

They quickly became profesional friends, and it was during one of their virtual brainstorm sessions that she became acquainted with Red Hood. It took a little longer for her to open up to him. Jason would consider them good friends while Marinette considered them to be good colleagues. Jason was determined to win her over to his view of things. 

Thanks to everyone's constant assistance, Hawkmoth was finally defeated by the time she was just shy of turning twenty. It had been far too long a fight in her opinion, but the man was smart, Marinette had to give him that. Now that Marinette felt safe enough to leave Paris, she accepted Red Robin's offer of training further with the league. Under the pretense of going to American College, she left home. 

It was on her first night in Gotham that fate finally played its final card. She was on her way to the assigned meet up point, enjoying the taller buildings for longer free falls. She relished the air rushing into her eyes and past her ears. Just as she was reaching for her yo-yo she saw a figure swinging towards her. Before she could react, it had grabbed hold of her, leaving them tangled together swinging through the air. Marinette squirmed to see her mysterious rescuers face. Then she felt it, a strong pull of her eyes to his and an electric spark between their bodies when their eyes met. 

Damian wanted nothing more than to stare into those ocean blue eyes for the rest of his life, but he didn’t want the rest of his life to be the next minute. He quickly swung them to a safe and secluded building top, conveniently the same Marinette had been heading for moments before. They stumble a little upon landing because of their refusal to let go of the other person. 

“You’re alive.” Their whisper of unity only draws them closer to the other. 

Marinette refuses to let pessimism take over, this is real, this is her soul mate, and he's very much alive. However she still reaches up to touch right above his heart, signing in relief as she feels the originator of her scar right there under his uniform. 

“Woah hey Demon-spawn you can let Little Bug go now, you’re scaring her” Neither register the watching parties voices. Damian reaches up to brush away her tears, hyper focused on every feature he can take in at this moment. Her button nose, the barely concealed freckles across her nose, her peach lips mouthing the word alive over and over, and obviously her eyes. 

Slowly Marinette reaches up to remove his mask, the boys freaked for a moment. After all, even they haven’t revealed their identities to her. They start to freak even more when Damian doesn’t stop her, but reaches up to help. His eyes were more beautiful than she had ever imagined. A dark green that complimented his arabian skin tone better than any color ever could. He was perfect. 

She whispers the word alive one last time before standing on her tiptoes, tangling her fingers into the hair at the base of his neck and her lips meeting his. Damian leans down, arms wrapping tightly around her waist. 

“What is happening!?” Jason shouts, desiring to run from the scene and needing to see it through to the end at the same time.

It was finally Jason’s freakout that they registered their audience but still didn’t have a care in the world. Damian pulls away first, leaning his head against hers, eyes closed, just relishing in the feeling of her in his arms. 

Marinette’s legs give out from under her, Damian softly pulling her into his lap, still refusing to let go of her. She starts to cry uncontrollably, a death grip on the hood of his cape. “You’re really here, you really are alive.”

“I didn’t kill you,” Damian sighs, burying his head into her shoulder. Letting his brothers watch him kiss his soulmate was one thing. To let them see him break down and cry was another entirely. “You lived.”  

Tim finally put all the pieces together, pulling Jason along with him off the roof. “Whoa, wait Red, they still haven’t told us what’s going on”

“And they won't for the next few hours. I’ll explain everything, just let them process this alone.” Jason finally relents to that, following him, but not without one last look at his baby brother. Damian had always been a tense on edge child, a habit that never fully went away as he aged, but never before had Jason seen him so relaxed and at peace. 

Marinette and Damian stayed in their own little world for the remainder of the night, having moved from the roof top back to her apartment. They talked about anything and everything, always touching the other in some way. Damian was the first to awaken well after the sun had risen, Marinette sleeping between him and the back of her couch. He marvels in the fact that she was here. His fingers brush over her cheek, moving her hair out of the way. 

Damian chuckles to himself. She looked like snow white with her ebony hair and peach colored lips contrasting with her fair skin. Finally Damian felt complete, no longer wandering lost in the world. He had found what he had looked for for so long. He would protect her from any more pain at all cost, the guilt heavy from having put her through so much turmoil. 

“Stop that?” Damian eyes her curiously as she stares up at him through her lashes, sleep still heavy in her eyes. 

“Stop what?”

“Blaming yourself for what happend.”

“But I-”

“You were taken advantage of, and manipulated to achieve the outcome your mother wanted. You were protecting your family, that is all that matters. That and that you’re here now.” She snuggles against his chest. “Leave the past in the past”

“Ok love, I will try for you.” Marinette hum, content with that answer for now.

Damian finally speaks again after giving Marinette a few minutes to fully reach functioning capacity, “We best go talk to everyone and get the drama over with”

Marinette chuckles at that. She would never have imagined that her soul mate would be the little brother to her two closest friends. Fate plays a funny game. “If I think too hard about it I get really embarrassed.”

“Then don’t think about it, see it as another mission to accomplish and that you will complete it flawlessly.” He kissed her hairline, slowly sitting up to stretch out. Rarely did he fall asleep in uniform, and no previous time has ever been comfortable. 

Two hours later and they are at the Manor, Jason and Tim not overly surprised to see her, neither mentioning the night before except saying she should let them know when she’s ready to go out for patrol again. Damian is surprisingly docile towards everyone's inquiries about himself and Marinette. That is until Jason says Damian should have met her sooner, then maybe he wouldn’t have been such a murderous demon. That comment did not go over well with either of the pair, however one handled it better than the other. You would think it the other way around until Damian slaps his hand over Marinette's mouth to keep her from going off on Jason.

“Let's go eat lunch now, I’m sure Alfred is close to finished anyway.” Damian gently pushed Marinette through the door, but he can’t stop her from throwing a glare over her shoulder. 

“Watch yourself Jason,” Marinette herself was growing increasingly overprotective of Damian, scared to lose him again. Jason can’t help the shiver of fear that runs its course through his body, Tim only laughs at his expense. 

“Wow she still doesn’t trust you.”

“Oh common Little Bug, don’t be like that!” Tim shakes his head at their shenanigans. It was going to be an interesting new chapter in the Wayne household.Tim Watches from the doorway, leaning heavily on it as he observes them. He had never seen more life in their eyes or on their faces. Marinette had this new glow about her, and Damian looked at her with a gentless that none of them had ever seen before. After all, scars may remind you of your past, but they also show you the potential for your future. And those two had all the potential in the world.

[rikiflowers]

sacrifice; levi

Playlist: call of silence – hiroyuki sawano, barber: adagio for strings, soldier – taemin, sayonara hittori – taemin, déjà vu – dreamcatcher

- 3.7 k words; smut with plot i guess; english isn’t my first language but i tried lmao; it gets a little sad 

-          I let myself go, just because it was you.

 In a world full of terror, fear, and no hope there wasn’t any room for something called ‘love’; Not, when humans are on the brink of death because of creatures killing them for pure fun. ‘love’ could exist, but even if so, the constant threats of losing someone so precious to you, comes to realization, that ‘love’ has not a place, mustn’t have, where you are. Being a scout in the survey corps didn’t come with a stable life. You have your life constantly on the border of losing your life; But that was the sacrifice you’ll be able to give. Your strong sense of justice makes it practicable, giving your life away for humanity. A little part in you wasn’t really attached to your own life, it was near to nothing in your eyes. You’re more concerned about the safety of your squad, protecting them like your life meant nothing to you. There was this strong attachment to these kids, especially Eren who resembled yourself in your early years. You see him as he is; a young boy whose fate is to save the humanity. A heavy burden for everyone, especially for someone his age. So, you see it as your task to safeguard him.

So, it wasn’t new that you would do anything for him, even if it was to let yourself go. You thought you died. You really thought, but you woke up, tried to look around with blurred eyes and the heaviest pain you had since ever. Your throat was so dry you thought you’ll would die because of dehydration but in this right moment, someone hold a cup with a straw right before your dry lips. You opened your mouth and when you tried to gulp down the saving water, you thought you’ll get into heaven. You recognize your room in the headquarters. “y/n, how are you?”, spoke someone to you so softly. It was Armin. You wanted to look at him, but he held you in place. “don’t move too much, you need to rest.”, he told you with concern in his young voice. “you were sleeping over a week.”, he said. You slept for so long?

You don’t want to rest. Flashbacks of the mission flooded your mind, making you anxious. “Armin is everyone okay?”, you whispered with a weak voice, every muscle hurt while you speak. He does not say a single word so you could only imagine. It makes you angry. You’re shouting and then you cough. So much you’re tasting blood in your mouth. “I’m sorry, I get the doctor. We lost many, but if you meant captain Levi… he’s okay don’t worry!”, he’s telling you and you don’t know what to say. What does he mean? Why should you be especially worried about him? He ran out of your room to get the doctor, while you are trying to remember what happened at the mission. Suddenly it was like someone punched you mentally. You sacrificed yourself for Levi. He was in the claws of an abnormal titan and you did not miss a second to help him. The titan took you, instead of him. You smelled his breath, his disgusting smell, and his giant hand, squeezing you nearly to death. Levi shouted your name. It was a cry you didn’t know to every hear. And the last thing you said while you looked at him, was…

“I love you”

You are not sure he even heard it but that was enough to make your skin crawl. In this moment near death, you wanted him to know this. Now you’ll need to face him after this. Your door opens and the doctor appears in the doorframe. He hovers over you while Armin stays now before your bed, next to him are Mikasa and Eren, who looked so guilty and sad. “y/n, you can’t stress yourself. You need rest. You were in coma.”, reproved the doctor and you only nod. “Several rips are broken and crushed your lungs. You had so much luck so don’t strain it. Is this clear?”, he murmured and you’re nodding again. He looked around to the three. “just a little bit and then you’ll let her rest.”, he said strictly, and they agree. The doctor was a scary man sometimes. He gave you some medicine, you should take, placed it on the table next to you. “I report your status to commander Erwin, he will visit you soon.”, he said while slowly leaving your room. “thanks doctor.”, you whispered, and he cuts you off. “thank your body, instead of me.”, he said and left.

“y/n.”. Eren looks at you and you smile at him. “why so sad? I’m alive, no need to look like I’m dead.”, you started to laugh, ignoring the pain in your chest. “it’s not funny. We thought you died and then the captain went berserk and sliced the titan to rescue you. He wasn’t himself. You willingly wanted to die, you wanted to leave us.”. His voice was high and aggressive. Armin tried to calm him down while Mikasa and you exchanged gazes. She doesn’t judge you, because she would have done the same in your position. “Eren calm down. She needs to rest.”, says Armin and Eren snapped out of his rage. “I’m sorry, I am always hurting you.”.

“no, you aren’t, don’t do this to yourself.”, you said softly. “You’re doing so much, and you never hurt me so don’t ever say that again.”. Your voice is full of honesty. “and now I need sleep so go away you brats.”, you laughed, wave them away. The smiled and did like you said. In a week you are on your feet again and you hope to see Levi never again.

“Thanks for being on our side y/n.”, says Armin while his head peeks out of the doorframe and you smile back.

 …

 Two weeks passed and you slowly getting back to your old self. Slowly. It was hard to walk and you feel like a burden. Hanji visited you regular providing you with intern information. Commander Erwin came and drank some tea with you, even the others from the corps visited you and the kids are your guests nearly every day. One person didn’t visit you after all the time. It was the Captain. You don’t to admit it, but it hurts deeply that he doesn’t seem to care about you, about your sacrifice you did. It hurts so much that you found yourself crying over this man, you always wanted to keep your distance. Now this distance was non-existent. Your mind was full of him, your unrequited feelings and the crawling hate you’re developing. You knew he wasn’t any better than you. He’s always in his own world, doesn’t let anyone in. The dark circles under his eyes are always there, showing that he can’t sleep, his demons keeping him awake. He’s the humanity’s strongest soldier, so much weigh on his shoulders. So, the thoughts of you are clearly non-existent. He couldn’t waste his mind on your childish feelings. You know this so why you’re escaping in in the thought of a man that would never see you in the same light.

After the third weeks you couldn’t stay in your room. It seems the walls narrowed so you need some fresh air. You take your props and when you want to open your door, someone is standing right next your room. You twitch because you didn’t see It coming. You looked at the person and you instantly frown. It’s Levi, with his cold, sharp eyes, looking down on you. The least on to expect. “Where you are you going, y/n.”. It wasn’t question, rather a judgement. He was cold as ever. “outside.”, you stated with the same coldness. You wanted to get away, your body shivers and you don’t want him to see. He holds your wrist, and your entire body is in flames. “don’t fucking touch me.”, you spit out, looked at him, like you’re going to murder him. “Tsk.”, he lets out, while not letting you go, like you told him. “I don’t think, you are allowed to go outside.”, he stated coldly, burning his eyes into you and you were on the brink of bursting into tears.

“Do I need your orders for everything? Should I ask you when I want to take a piss?”, you spat at him, anger balling in your body, making it impossible to calm down. “Stop acting like a child, you brat.”. You looked at him in disbelief. He was acting like you were ten years younger than him. You’re the same age and he has the audacity to call you a brat. “Let me fucking go or I’m gonna fucking hurt you.”, you said with so much hate in your voice that something in Levi’s eyes change. You couldn’t react too quickly, while he forced you into your room, shutting the door behind him.

He was a little too harsh, while he pushed you into your room, so your ribs hurt a little. He saw your pain, but you take a step back, wanting space. “What do you want.”, you yelled at him, your body trembles so much. “stop being so annoying, I wanted to check on you, but you seem too fine.”, he stated with pure arrogance and you wanted nothing more than to punch him. “yeah, I’m fine, go.”. You want to be strong, but you feel the tears burning their way over your cheeks. They’re the signs you’re weak.

“you want me to go?”

You looked at him, your inner fight was lost, and you let your tears go. How he asked the question, like he knew you don’t want him to go. “I don’t know.”, you choked, the tears won’t stop. He was standing awkward before you, watching you cry. “Did you regret it?”.

You were confused. What did he mean?

“Did you regret, sacrificing your life for me?”.

“I’d do it again, and again because it is you.”, you spoke the truth, without thinking. His eyes wide. He looked so shocked, that it makes you worried. “Don’t say that.”. It felt like you pressed a button in him. He was out of his mind and it was new. You see, how his hands tremble. Levi wasn’t an emotional unstable person, so this is new. Not only to you, but to him.

“Does it scare you?”, you asked but he was quit, only his eyes told you, how muddled he was. “Someone loves you and you want to escape into the construction, build of the lack of emotions and the denial that comes with it.”.

He ‘tsk.”, again but his eyes, they told you how right you are. “What are to judge me when you constantly denied yourself. You’re not any better than me.”, he lets out and you knew he was right. It hurts. “You wanted to die, so you used me, to let go.”. You fell back. The shock about what he said, made your body not react. He quickly held you. “Who’s the one at fault?”, he asked again, but you couldn’t answer.

He took you and placed you on your bed. You wanted to scream at him, but nothing escapes your lips. “scared to answer now y/n?”, he stated. You shake your head. “why should I let go, when I everything I wanted, was to tell you how I feel? I was finally able to tell you my feelings, after everything. I never thought I would speak so openly about myself.”, you shared this sensitive information with him, and he listens. “You’re right, I see no value in my life at all, but that changed a little. How long do we know each other?”.

“nearly ten years.”, he said, and you looked at each other. There was always something between you and him, but it always went in constant denial. “You never changed.”, they told each other, every time they risked their life, like it meant nothing. It will always mean nothing. “Did you never saw how I looked at you?”, you whispered, his contours change from the sharpness to something softer, but

still cold. He couldn’t help it. It was the way his life changed him. “I didn’t say it for nothing, Levi. I wanted to give you in the last moment of my life a piece of me. I wanted to pass you my feelings for you. They were special, so special that I wanted to say it out loud.”. Your heart’s beating so fast, like it needs to remind you, that you’re still alive. You’re still here and he’s here, looking at you, while you offer him a piece of you.

“I could ask you the same.”, he lets out, after a heavy pause. You realize how dark it is in here, his statue throws a shadow on you. “I always looked at you, but I thought you never looked back.”. You started to chuckle. “I guess, we’re dumbasses.”, you told him. It was too much to handle right now. Warmth spreading your body and he was the reason. “You had the audacity to nearly die on me.”, he spat back, and you shrugged. “I guess you weren’t the humanity’s strongest soldier at all.”.

“jealous, aren’t we?”, he scoffed at you, but you know it isn’t serious.  

“pff- “, you let out. The tension between you two was unbearable, but nobody takes a step. “Don’t leave me.”, you whispered, and his eyes fixated your lips for a brief moment. “Then don’t leave.”. You wanted to say something, but he takes the space on your bed, lies next to you, your bodies don’t touch each other. It was quit in your room, only his and your breath filled the room. Your heart ached to touch him, but that was more than enough right now. “Levi?”, you asked.

“mh?”

“thank you for everything.”, you say, but he scoffed. “I did nothing. sleep.”, he gives back and you’re quiet.

 …

You didn’t know what time it is. It was still so dark outside, but you woke up and Levi was asleep, you thought. He doesn’t make a sound. It was like all the nights on missions. He faced you, his eyes peacefully closed. You found your peace while looking at him. Your fingertips ghosting over his skin, not daring to touch him. You don’t want to wake him up. Your body tingles. It’s automatically drawn to his. You want nothing more than to touch him, to feel his skin under yours.

You snap out of your mind, because deep black eyes are looking straight into yours, making you shiver. He’s awake and saw, what you did. His soft features looked eternal in this light; it makes you breathless. His body’s so near you, that you nearly lose your senses. Instead of pushing you away, he takes your hand softly and places it on his cheek. He offers you to touch him and it was everything for you. You feel your tears coming. Your fingertips brush tenderly over his face and you hear him sigh. You went through his hair, feeling the softness of this endless black in your hand. “Levi.”. His name escaped your lips.

You looked at each other like you were meant to be. His nose brushed yours softly, like he wanted to check, if you wanted this. You want this. You want all of it, until you don’t know yourself anymore. His lips found you, like two long lost souls connecting to each other after so many years. Maybe it is like this. After all these years of hoping nobody would die or go, you had hold onto each other. You feel so young now, like yourself ten years ago. As you would have kissed him back then. It was a relieve. You lean into the kiss, pour all your emotions in this touch. Levi draws you closer to him, his hand is on your waist, while the other strokes your cheeks. It was so unlike him, that you don’t want to miss everything. He’s so soft and you start to smile in the kiss. After a couple of seconds, he lets go of you, waiting.

You take the chance, pressing your lips onto his, savouring him, taking all of him. He’s surprised about your sudden attack, but his lips still moving against you, tasting you. Your finger pinches his neck hair, while you’re hovering over him, taking his body under yours. You sat on his lap, looking down on him. He stares at you, while his hand brushes your strains behind your ear. You want him, so press your lips on his neck, making him groan in sudden surprise. He held onto your body, cold fingertips, dancing under your shirt, across your heated skin and the battlefield scars covering you.

You’re sucking at the sensitive spots, kissing his collarbones. He takes the chance, pulling your shirt up, so you remove it, throw it to the ground. He looks at your breasts, covered by the BH, he wants to undress so badly. You rub yourself onto his lap, hearing him moan and you feel his erection through the pants. All your senses are on the brink to insanity. He gets up, having you in his lap. His lips found yours again and they’re going downwards, leaving a trace. Levi fumbles at the clasp of your BH, until it opens, and he could take it off. His lips found your breast, massaging one, while sucking in the other. You cried out, pressing him against you. You were already a mess, because of all these emotions you bottled up. His tongue circled around your nipple, feeling how hard they get. His other hand is ghosting to your pants, trailing over your clothed core. You open your button yourself for him, so he could easily slide inside you. He holds you on your back now, while his finger brushing over your heat, teasing you.

“Levi.”, you moan his name again and he pressed his thumb against the wetness. He breathed out, like he was surprised at how wet you are. His fingertips brush over your clit, making you shutter. He takes your moans with his lips, while he buried his finger inside of you. You cry out. The sensation of his touch is too much to handle. Your whole body wants more. You move yourself on his now three fingers, Levi stares  at you, enjoying your form. You want to feel him, everything you can get. “y/n.”, he calls your name between your moans.

“Lay back.”, he says, while he takes his now wet finger out. He takes them into his mouth, tasting you. It makes you nearly crazy. You did as he said. You undress yourself while he doesn’t take his eyes off. Levi also removes his shirt and the pants off and you stare at his figure in the darkness. He’s so eternal, it’s unbearable. You wanted him against you, so you pull him to you. “y/n.”, he scolds you, but it doesn’t matter right now for you. You want his body against you. He hovers over you, his weigh on you doesn’t affect you. His length pressed against your thigh, you took him in your hand, feeling how hard he is “please.”, you whimper, but he kisses your lips, your décolleté, your tummy, till he found your wetness. He bites in your inner thighs, a moan escaping your lips. He lips find your clit, sucking at the bundle of thousand nerves, while he hears your desperate cries. He’s sucking you, savouring your juices until you scream. Your hand claws in his hair, while he sucks the life out of you. You’re on the brink of an orgasm and you wanted to say, that he should stop, but he held his rhythm, brings you over the edge. You shutter, his name escaping your lips like a sin and you fall, Falling into oblivion until there’s nothing. You came on his tongue.

He lets off from you. He stares at your messy form and listens to your heavy breath. Again, he lies on you and he kiss you softly, while entering you. Both of you groan because of the new feelings flooding your bodies. His face is only millimetres away form your faces, your eyes stare back at his, swallowing all these emotions his eyes tell. He pulled completely out just to thrust into you again. It wasn’t quick, nor rough, you both just wanted to feel. He groans into your ear, muffling something you couldn’t quite understand. His lips took over yours, while his other hand took your cheek. You both are a panting mess. You move against him, wanting to feel him. Your finger brush over his back and you sense his scars, caress them as if they’re the most precious.  “I’m close.”, he told you, while his face is buried into your neck and you hold him to let go. He pumps a view times into you, until he pulls out completely and his semen spurts out all over your bed. It doesn’t matter right now.

He’s hovering over you, peppering your face with light kisses. You smile. He just lies beside you, instead of cleaning everything and himself like always. It his tick. His concentration is on you and for a moment he forgets it. He doesn’t say anything, only enjoying the silence and his fingers on your sensitive skin. Your hair and everything must be a mess but in Levi’s gaze I something that tells you otherwise. He takes you into his arms and you instantly feel his quick heartbeat.

This moment was more than everything you thought you deserve. I was the silence you both loved.

 “If you’ll die on me, I’ll kill you.”, he says and buries his nose in your hair. You chuckle. “same goes for me.”

Not long after you drift into a deep slumber. Levi’s awake for a while and he feels your heartbeat. “I love you.”, he whispers to your sleeping form, never telling you these words to your face. He doesn’t get to sleep. His mind is racing, because of the intimacy he never really experienced, but he tries; he would always try. 

[rukia-uchiha-98]

Life Deterioration

Hi, how are you guys 

there is no beta reader this time so I’m sorry for the disaster that i did in this oneshot also I was really tired when I wrote it, just trying to get rid of the headache so it didn’t get out like I wanted it to be but i think it works out 

I hope you enjoy

prompt : body swap 

warnings : dark, self-harm

words count : 2550

@shisakuweek

Peace treaty was the first occasion sakura met shisui in, the exact same day her clan almost became extinct, she hates the uchiha in general and shisui in specific, maybe if he didn't try to make a friend withe her it would've  been different but no, he had to praise her look, her knowledge and her personality those things that no one liked in her clan, that she was always being scolded for. And when she started to get attached to him, she saw him killing her family, her harmless father and loving mother, he killed them both with his own sword and If the senju aid didn't arrive when it did, she would've been dead for years now.

Shisui never regrets any thing he does or had done except that one time when he was involved in the massacre against the haruno, he didn't though not even in the slightest idea that avenging his father's  death would cause him this much of regret, he decided to kill the man who killed his father after killing his beloved wife before his eyes but he was oblivious for the fact that this man had a daughter who happened to be the exact same girl who –it was safe to say- he liked immediately after meeting her, she was strikingly beautiful, pink silk strands with clear emerald eyes, he didn't think that such colors existed until he saw her, she didn't try to cling on him or flirt with him or any of his clansmen like other girls always do, she was energetic with a stunning smile, well educated, had  great ideas and a brilliant mind and those characteristics were rare that he didn't met a women or a girl with them except his aunt mikoto and based on what his father used to tell him, his mother. So Imagine his happiness when he got to know her, he even introduced her to his best friend and cousin itachi, and even though he was the king of flirting, he never did that to any other girl, she was special. He was shocked to say The least, she was standing at the door staring in shocked expression after dashing like a madman screaming for her parents to run away, he knew how does it feel to see your father stabbed to death in front of you and live after, he didn't want her to live in that hell so he stabbed her and he wasn't a fool he knew where to aim if he wanted to kill but there was a part of him didn't want her to die, the part that likes her.

He didn't keep a trace on time so he didn't exactly knew how much time has passed since that day. To say he was shocked when he saw her again is an underestimation. She changed, so much he barly recognized her, her tall bubble gum colored silk is now very short showing her delicate long neck, her clear emeralds are clouded by hatred and revenge directed to him he noticed when there eyes met. Sitting straight on her horse beside the second in line senju heir, indicating that she was in a high rank in their forces. " isn't that the girl you showed me when we went to the haruno several years ago?", "she is" confirmed shisui "it looks like she's here to avenge her parent's death, she's here for my head", "and what makes you sure about it?", "cause I'm the one who killed them and stabbed her", "well, she looks furious, and I don’t think she will be satisfied unless you're dead, so look out!", "I will".

She moved ahead, riding to the space that separated their both armies shouting so every one could hear her out "if anyone encountered Uchiha Shisu, retreat or send him to me, he is my prey. Senju, charge", after her cue both armies marched. She went off like a bullet killing every single soldier trying to get in her way preventing her from getting shisui's head, she didn't stop not until she reached him. Exhausted and panting heavily they both charged at each other, she was thinking how much she heated him, and he was thinking how things would be different if he didn't avenge his father. They fought in silence until she broke it hissing " I'm going to avenge my parents, I'm going to get your head", "believe me, you're going to regret that", "as if" and then a silent fight until they both were drained. Ready to drive their last blow, ready to kill and get killed, shisui wanting to break free from his guilt and sakura wishing to meet her parents they both charged, and the blood was spilled.

She woke up with a throbbing head and  killing abdominal pain, why did she wake  up? She was supposed to be dead, or  was she already and she's in hell? she didn't know but either way she was feeling like hell so it didn't matter. She felt out of  place for some reason and when she tried to move she couldn't. From her medical experience she could tell that she was on the verge of death and that she barely made it

Shisui opened his eyes to the white ceiling, the compound hospital he thought. He didn't feel any major pain just a slight stomach discomfort  which was good but strange, he clearly remember that sakura's stab was deadly and if a miracle happened he wouldn't feel this healthy and he was sure he would suffer serious complications, but here he was lying on the bed as healthy as he could be.

She didn't know what had blown her head the most, was it the fact that she woke up in the uchiha compound or that when her vision focused she saw one of the uchiha heirs looking at her with worried eyes or maybe it was him calling her shisui but no it's most definitely was when she found out that she wasn't in her body anymore, she was in uchiha shisui's body and this fact led to one of two conclusion, either her body was dead or shisui was in it.

He didn't think that it was possible to wake up in another person's body until he noticed he woke up in sakura's body, which meant that she's staying in his body hopefully and not dead, he needed to meet her and figure out how did this happen and how to go back to there own body, but now that was nearly impossible, it looks like the senjo adored her, that or they are suspecting him which is unlikely to happen since they thought he lost his memories.

Amnesia was what she got as a diagnose to justify her lack of information about shisui's life. Sakura figured out that the main uchiha household cares deeply for shisui, she wasn't left behind not even for minute and they helped her with every thing until she was healed, which was really long time, uchiha's medical care was really bad, no trained healers and absolutely bad medical supplies, it took her a total two years to heal completely, and being sakura she took the chance to get to know every thing about the 25 years old  shisui and the uchiha. Shisui's mother died while giving birth to him, he grew up with his father who was a warrior get killed when shisui went to his first war that was against the haruno-senju alliance on her father's hand. Ironic, right? Yeah his father was killed before his son's eyes while begging her father to spare the kid from witnessing this, but it looks like her father was tyrannous in his young days. She stopped blaming shisui for what he did, but that didn't mean that she forgave him or that her hatred for him faltered.

The senju medical care was magnificent to say the least, he was completely healed within 6 months,then he took his time to adjust to sakura's body that was surprisingly strong for being petite aside from the fact that she was a girl in her late teens. Sakura's father suffered from a depression before he met her mother who seemingly had health issues that made it very hard for her to bear children and having sakura was a miracle.

Aside from getting to know shisui, sakura planned for her revenge, okay let's be clear, she doesn't blame him anymore but she didn't forgive him and she can't figure out how she feels about him as a person anymore, it was hard to determine after she knew every single detail about him despite that she was determined to destroy the uchiha from the inside.

Shisui felt that he was falling deeper for sakura, two years were more than enough to make him memorize all of her and love all of her. He felt regret eating him alive when he knew that he was the reason of her depression,he felt proud when he knew that she became one of the strongest warrior between the senju lines, he was amused when he knew that she became the most skillful healer among them, he was happy to know what she became to and more determined to make them work out.

A real Peace treaty was signed between the Uchiha and the Senju this time and shisui couldn't be happier, he will get to see her or himself –he wasn't sure anymore- and talk things out, try to find a solution to this ridiculous situation which in his opinion has gone so far but to his horror, she didn't recognize him or better say she didn't recognize herself. Great, just great this would never be solved unless they both worked on it, and now she doesn't  seem to remember.

She would be liar if she didn't say that her heart didn't flutter when she saw him or her body in better description, she misses her old self, her family and her life, it's not like the Uchiha treated her poorly, she was shisui after all and they didn't doubt her at all, it was safe to say she grew attached to them after two and half years of care and love, and she decided to spare them her revenge.

"Did you hear that? Two members of the Uchiha elders council were found dead this morning and i heard they  were killed with cold blood", that was  what shisui had been hearing from the early morning that day, and it was making him furious, how did they get killed when there supposed to be a tight guarding around them.

A council was held out to look through the crime and investigate it, anxious cries were heard from outside the room, "we must duplicate the security within the compound" one of the terrified elders shouted, "it's already as high as it could be" assured him fukagu and went on "the important thing now is to know who had done it", " it's the senju I assure you, they are such..." the elder was cut down by shisui's voice " I don't think the senju signed the peace treaty to do this, they wanted to end the bloodshed as much as we wanted it" sakura would never allow anyone to accuse her second family, "shisui is right, if the senju wanted to make any move they wouldn't be sneaky about it, it's not like hashirama" assured madara and after brief silent shisu's voice echoed again " you know what, i think the murderer is among us, one of the clan members, I mean don't you see it? The killer walked under our noses without fear, no one can ever do it unless he was sure that no one would suspect his action while walking in the compound", "that's enough shisui, we get it", "as you wish madara".

Her plan was simple, she would kill four or five of them, plant the doubt between them and let them kill each other. Very simple right, no children or women or harmless elders would die, only the dirty warriors who can't trust each other. Achieving her revenge and making favor for the uchiha and surprisingly there were a lot of them, one killed his brother, the other killed his own son, it was painful but it must happen and those who did the murder where executed.

When she was done withe the clan she sent a message to shisui to ask him for a meeting, she wanted to end this once for all, she wanted to get back to her family, and how happy was she when she saw that shisui didn't delay the meeting and was as eager as her to end this farce, and they met.

The strangest thing that you could ever try is to hear your voice coming out of your body by another person, it was kind of funny so shisui decided to let sakura do the talk, "you know, after being in your body for almost 3 years now and knowing every thing about you made me change a lot of my ideas and thoughts about you and your family, I don't blame you anymore for killing my parent, and i don't hate all the uchiha now and it's safe to say that I've loved some of them, and you! I really don't know, it's absolutely not love but it's not hate either, my feelings towards you have been tormenting me, I can't  figure them out and can't get rid of them either and it hurts, it hurts to much that I can't bear it anymore, so I'm here today to see what would happen to you if I committed a suicide in your body", she took out shisui's dagger and stabbed her self with it, shisui tried to stop her but he couldn't reach her.

A bright light illuminate the area around them and when shisuis's eyes sight focused again, he was back in his body unharmed but sakura was lying down with a massive cut in her abdomen strangely enough his dagger wasn't what cause her injury. He knelt beside her "why have you doen this?", "cause I wanted to get rid of those feelings that hunted me", he didn't know what was weaker, her voice or his, " we could've chased it down together, we could've figured it out together", "that would've been impossible, cause there isn’t we", "but I loved you truly and truthfully, I was ready to make up for all my mistakes", "sorry it didn't turn out like you imagined, but there never would be us, not in this life time at least" that was the last thing she said before she die, "maybe in our next life, we would be  ninjas like we both dreamed and we would live in peace together in the same place, just wait for me", shisui wasn't happy to be back to his body like he thought he would be. Two days after sakura’s death a dead body was found in the uchiha compound, they suspect it to be related to the incident from days prior, but they knew that he was badly depressed and attempted to suicide more than  five times in the past two days.

[onelastbreath-writes]

I’ll Meet You There (Part 3)

Pairing: Marcus Moreno/ Wife!Reader (AFAB, no y/n) 

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: Talks about loss of spouse, loss of child, medical conditions/inaccuracies, grief/mourning, manipulation/brainwashing (subtext/implied, but we’ll get into it later *winkwink*)

Tags: Hurt/No comfort (for now), ANGST, eventual happy ending, one really sad man for whom I just keep making things worse, #sorrynotsorry, and now I’m just making stuff up as I go along

Summary(lite): You are Marcus’s wife, and you’re definitely not dead. No one is having a great time right now, but like hell if there's a force on this earth that’ll keep you apart forever. This is not a goodbye, its just a see you later. And the interim is going to be everyone else’s problem, you’ll make sure of it.

A/N: Hello dears, welcome back to my twisted mind story,,, guess who showed up like 2 weeks late with a smoothie! So things about this new chapter: I am a criminal with italics and someone needs to stop me, hello switching scenes and perspectives because I just want to fast forward to the good stuff but y’all don’t live in my head and don’t know all the stuff that happens to get us there so here we are taking the slow lane, and I keep brainstorming new and horrible things for my characters because I am A Lot, All The Time, and will not be stopped. Also hey, Marcus the Simp is here for you, so much. I hope this is acceptable to be a reader fic still, because I am giving you some serious personality traits... ehh, it is what it is. Tell me if you spot any of my various references, there’s a lot of ‘em. Thanks to everyone who has liked/reblogged/commented, y’all are gorgeous and I’m so grateful for the love <3 Drop me a message/ask if you want a secret about one of the characters (specify which one), I need an outlet for my endless b.t.s. plotting >;) Please enjoy p3!

AO3|Masterlist

[Previous Part]

---

There were more casseroles in his fridge that Marcus knew what to do with, and more sympathy and “thinking of you” cards stacked in piles around the house than he could count. He appreciated everyone’s gestures, but he could recognize the difference between people who were kind in the interest of helping others, and those who were kind only to help themselves. It was quite obvious which type were flooding his mailbox.

Hell, most of the people sending him cards, his fans, didn’t even know his wife, never spoke to her, didn’t feel the empty Her-shaped-space in their very souls. They just wanted the clout, the prestige, of being ‘involved’ and sympathetic to a grieving superhero. It was exhausting, but no one seemed to empathize with him on that.

The Heroics upper management, and the director specifically after his press conference and the publicity the attack had brought the organization, had insisted on Marcus taking an undetermined amount of leave from the team so he could “process and mourn his loss in the comfort of his own home.” Like he didn’t look around and see every piece of himself and his wife over the years; the Home they built for their family, filled with all the hopes and dreams of two starry eyed lovers ready to take on the world together. Like her absence wasn’t slowly killing him. 

And it wasn’t like she was gone gone.  

Dead.  

She wasn’t dead.

No way in Hell.  

Whether it was because she worked with superpowered people, her experience as a medical professional, or if she was just more paranoid than most, his wife was a planner, and she was prepared for this. “In the event of my death...," like she just knew it would be necessary.

Truthfully, she had schemes and contingencies and all manner of reactionary plans prepared for if (and when) the worst happened; terrified to be blindsided or caught unaware, unable to help those she would have been able to, if only if she had the time to think. Unpreparedness costs lives in both of their careers, and she refused to leave anything up to chance if possible. And so, she’d plan, and he’d listen.  

All throughout their relationship, from before they’d even gotten serious enough to discuss marriage, to when they heard their unborn child’s heartbeat for the first time, and just on random weekday afternoons when they would take Missy for walks around the neighbourhood to show her the beauty in their lives, his wife would paint her theories and ideas like artwork. She’d tell him a story, full of action and mystery, humour and theatrics, tragic romance and harrowing adventure; she could spin a tale like she had a silver tongue, but she never lost herself in her own narratives. In the end, they were messages, lessons, for him to remember when everything was going wrong.    

“It’s all about momentum, babe. Bleeding off energy and taking a bad hit instead of a fatal hit. You can’t just full stop; you’d absorb all the kinetic energy, and the resulting trauma will turn all your squishy internals into, like, body soup, which is just super unpleasant. And of course, head is always number one priority. Bracing for impact works better at giving you fewer serious injuries, especially for your neck and head. Muscles should absorb as much of the energy as possible, instead of letting it fall to your ligaments, discs, and nerves to take the force. So, tense up and roll in the case of a low air evacuation.”

Low air evac... she was concerned he was going to have to jump from an aircraft without a parachute at some point in his life. Which was probably accurate he’d admit, but still, he wasn’t hoping to actually need that plan.

Thankfully, it wasn’t always fire and brimstone with her, and she had many strange and terrible schemes to keep the common, everyday superhero family on their toes. Always carry at least two lip balms... never tell someone you don’t have plans for the evening... don’t smile in your mugshot... no clowns. Ever.

She was so weird, a total nerd, and so completely the girl of his dreams.  

He loved teasing her about her unending train of thought, the brain that never sleeps, how she’d go on tangents while on tangents but always circle back around; even nicknamed her (quite cheekily, and because it made them both laugh) Doctor Batman, which was usually saved for when she was being particularly dramatic and gloomy. Turn the supercomputer off for a second, Bats, come see what Missy’s doing!  

He was her anchor, always ready to pull her back to earth when she started drifting off too far from them, but he never asked and never wanted her to change. He adored her, silly or serious, or when she woke him up in the middle of the night to make him promise that he’d never get their kid(s) a pet owl (because they’re “scary”, and “our kids would be too powerful, Marcus. Promise me!”), or that in the event of them inviting a third to their bed, it would “absolutely never, ever, ever be Miracle. No way!”  

He thought it was quite entertaining most of the time, listening to her plan for zombies and old gods and what to do if everyone just started hating cheese one day, but if it was all so important to her: having him remember this or agree to that, he’d accede to her requests in a heartbeat. Most of it was cute, harmless stuff he didn’t think would even happen, but sometimes she would hit him with serious stuff. Entirely out of left field, she’d go for his heart, and ask him for things that would hurt him, destroy him inside, if he ever had to follow through with it.

“Marcus, if it’s a choice between my safety- my life, and Missy’s? I’m always going to choose her. Kids come first, okay?”  

She wasn’t superpowered, didn’t have a shred of anything other than pure, normal human in her, but she was easily the strongest person he knew. Fearless and brave, kinder than this world deserved, she’d do anything for the people she cared about. And she’d promised him, maybe as a way to repay him for all the things he’d agreed to over the years, that she’d move heavens and the earth to return to their family. That nothing in this world, or beyond, could keep her away. “Eventually,” she’d stared into his eyes, glossy with tears from how forcefully she believed, “I will find my way back to you. I swear it, so keep a weather eye on the horizon.” See? A whole-ass nerd, and he couldn’t have loved her more.

So, she wasn’t dead. Pure and simple. She was somewhere, somehow, and he was going to find her again.  

---

“Marcus, the grieving process is different for everyone, but it is always unpredictable and painful. You will have days where you will feel like you haven’t made any progress, or even lost the progress you’ve previously made, but please know that this is natural; it's something everyone experiences, and that it doesn’t mean you’ve failed in your objective. Healing takes time, and a major part of recovery is learning to forgive yourself when you slip up. No one expects you to be back to normal tomorrow, or next week, or next month. Healing from grief is not a race, so we will go at your own pace, and we will work together to accomplish your recovery goals. You aren’t alone in this journey, and you don’t need to handle everything by yourself.”

The grief specialist he was seeing was someone he would describe as an “old soul”. She exuded the patience and peace of someone who had watched empires rise and fall, seen the turning of the wheel of time and drifted along with the current. Her voice was deep, rich in emotion and empathy for those who needed guidance, calming and intriguing with a soft lilt on her vowels. Timeless and ancient all in one, and even if he wasn’t actually mourning the death of his wife, he did find himself deeply grieving being without her. They were two halves of a whole, and though his soul was at a loss without its partner here, he still had their greatest creation, their pride and joy, their baby girl to raise.  

He would do whatever he had to do to be the best parent he could for Missy. And so, if meeting with a physiatrist every week was something that would help, then he would be here, every week. He'd learn to live with his grief, his sadness and loneliness, with just the memory of his Everything, and he’d help their kid with all hers too.  

It’s what he promised to do, after all.

“If anything ever happens to me, you’ll just have to love her enough for the both of us.”  

---

There was nothing they could recover of the people closest to centre of the explosion. No remains, no blood, nothing. Like they hadn’t been there at all.  

Suspicious.

Upper Management had brought in a team of private investigators to handle the case, people who would keep the details quiet and the public appeased with what little information they’d choose to release.  

Marcus was a superhero, and sure, his job was to hit things until they weren’t a problem anymore, but he couldn’t understand why all the highly trained professionals didn’t question the sheer amount of evidence that just wasn’t adding up.  

He tried to bring up the inconsistencies once with the lead investigator, but they had just given the distraught, widowed husband, so lost in his own denial and grasping at straws, a sad smile and told him they would do everything they could to find the truth for him and the rest of the victims’ families.

Typical.

After being brushed off without a second thought, he decided to keep his ideas quiet, and since they’d proven their unwillingness to listen, he’d just have to solve the mass disappearance himself.  

“Have you ever thought about how to commit the perfect murder, mi amor? I have. First: If there’s no body, they can’t prove the person is dead. No evidence of death? No murder. Simple. But of course, completely vanishing a full human would be a challenge. Short of having the superpowers necessary to, like, erase someone from reality in their entirety, there would be a lot of chances to leave evidence. Ordering suspicious chemicals leaves a trail, driving out to a pig farm in the middle of the night is shady as hell and all neighbors are professional narcs, and fires? Hah! Do you have any idea how hot the fire needs to be to cremate human remains, and how long they would need to grill for? Huh, maybe the perfect murder isn’t a murder at all...  

Hey babe...  

Always doubt a body, but always doubt no body, more.”

---

You tended to lose time when there was no one else in your room. It was hard to tell when your eyes were open because you started dreaming about the only things you could see since you first woke up: drop-ceiling tiles, white walls, and pale blue curtain dividers. And it was easier that way, in the end. Your heart didn’t hurt when you only dreamt of the room. You couldn’t mourn the things and people only your soul could remember if you thought of the room. Drifting in and out of consciousness was how you were coping.  

---

You had been here, left in this room alone, for ages. You had agreed to help the man who had saved you from the explosion that killed your family, but apparently you couldn’t help him until you had recovered enough. You’d read your charts, grilled your nurses and doctors more and more the longer you were kept here. What were they all waiting for? There was nothing wrong with you except the mild post traumatic amnesia, and the whole not-remembering-much-(or anything, really)-about-your-personal-life-and-family-of-the-recent-few-years thing you had going on. It was nothing compared to when you first awoke and could remember nothing. It killed you to be without the memories of your husband and child, to know only of them instead of actually knowing them, but there was nothing you or the doctors here could do. The brain was a tricky thing, and you had to accept that your memory loss might be permanent.  

That just meant that you had to put all that you could remember to good use. You could help people here, and work towards getting justice for your family. Years and years of school, practical experience and training, you had gained it all back; re-read textbooks and studies, wrote papers on your re-emerging knowledge and jogged your memory about long nights and early mornings, surgeries and follow ups... it was all still in your head. It had returned to you easily, like diving into a cool pool on a hot summer day. It was like coming home and taking off your shoes; it felt good, freeing, as-it-should-be.  

But still they weren’t letting you leave. So: what were they waiting for?  

“Ah, Doctor, it’s lovely to see you, as always. How are we feeling today?” Okay, so the guy who “saved” you (read: paid the people who actually saved your life)  gave you the heebie-jeebies. He looked like a classic pompous asshole bigwig, like, oil tycoon or something. And he definitely had some sort of thing for you. Gross.

“I’m doing as well as can be expected, trapped in a room with nothing to do, you know, brain rotting, et cetera. Thanks for asking.” The sass was a choice, probably not a great choice, but your choice none-the-less. You really hadn’t had many opportunities to choose anything for yourself in a while.  

Well...

You were bored, and that was going to be everyone else’s problem.  

“Ah, well, good news then! You have been cleared from observation and you’ll be able to be discharged soon. Isn’t that just delightful!” Mister Craig (“Please, just Greg is fine”), was some sort of horrible group hallucination, you were convinced. No one was that cheery, that animated, unless they were on something, or you were on something. “I’ll have someone bring you your personal effects shortly, and then I can show you to your new apartment. The complex isn’t in the best neighbourhood unfortunately, but it's got some real charm, very vintage! You’ll love it!”

“I’ll look forward to seeing it then; sounds like it’ll be a real interesting place to stay. You can also explain what it is I’m going to be doing with your organization. Because you haven’t specified yet. And I expect a proper contract and wage agreement. Legally binding preferably, for your sake, of course, Mr. Craig.” Even if you weren’t the most physically intimidating person around, you knew how, and more so, when, to assert your dominance in a conversation. Especially with men like him. He was the type of guy who would pinch a nurse’s ass and then accuse them of not being able to take a joke.  

“You wound me, Doctor, I am a man of integrity! I promised you an opportunity to make a difference! To get justice for the loved ones so cruelly torn from you! You have nothing to worry about!”  

Sounds legit. Totally above board. Can’t wait.

---

Taglist (omg!! thanks love): @killtherandomness​

Drop me a line if you want to be added <3

[gamergirluprising]

Alastor’s Possible Backstory, Emotional, And Mental State.

Okay, so, I find Alastor from Hazbin Hotel one of the few characters that interest me due to his sheer mysterious aura. He has a lot of secrets and I’d like to dissect this man down to his mannerisms, his beliefs, his (low-key/high-key?) pessimistic view of life, and his use of voodoo. I personally am not a fan of the said show since it’s pretty vulgar and hasn’t caught my attention due to the possible problems I see in the show (Why the heck did the God in this universe allow a hierarchy to take place AND give people superpowers by turning them into magical animals and such? Why did he even make a Hell?) 

But anyway, I’m not here to discuss my likes and dislikes about the show, I'm here to discuss the Radio Demon and what could have possibly happened in his life as a child to start this craziness and explain his complex personality, mental state, and emotional state. Alrighty with that being said, LET’S DISSECT!

ＭＥＮＴＡ L~𝓔𝓜𝓞𝓣𝓘𝓞𝓝𝓐𝓛 ~BEGINNING

Dude’s got a mental problem fam, and I'm not saying this just cause this man’s teeth are as yellow as Bill Cipher’s entire existence. No, no, no this man is crazy for not just his unhinged need to see other’s fail and to have utter and complete control(Will tackle later) he’s crazy for his huge narcissistic behavior. Dude, Honestly thinks he’s better than everyone and ONLY allows those he thinks are worthy into his “friend” circle. I quote friend because I’m not too sure how exactly and deeply he feels about Rosie aside from their relationship being like Jack and Mary from Mary Poppins Returns, as stated by Vivzie on twitter. He finds those who don’t always smile as people who are WEAK and LAUGHABLE and regardless of how they are, he still finds them to be weak, which BY GOD is such a flawed way of thinking GEEZ. Now after reading about Alastor and becoming more intrigued, I decided to do research on his behavior and when and how it starts. 

𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐦 has 9 defining traits. I’ll go over a few that I’ve noticed.

1. He really thinks he’s more important than anyone else and has shown this through his mannerisms, the way he speaks, his vibe and just his general character scream “I’m better than you!”

2. HE LOVES SHOWING OFF! Dude can’t seem to get enough of the spotlight, thus why he LOVES to broadcast his carnage on the radio! Why else would he do so!? He finds constant admiration and respect when he does his “little” display of power!

3. Now, we ALL know he has done some pretty...gruesome things to claim strength and be seen as the strongest, even when there are others who are stronger he displays himself as if he is more dominating and wouldn’t waste his time with, how you say, vermin. This is evident by his response to Vox

You can find where I found this here at Faustisse’s cleanup and Inking vid of the upcoming Alastor Comic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_15UYpcWJ_Q

In case it is too hard to read due to the bad quality, Alastor is saying “Show off all that and no cattle.” which is pretty much  “all hat, no cattle” (or, alternately, “big hat, no cattle”) which refers to someone who is all talk with no action, power, or substance behind his/her words. I’d applaud this power move, and still kinda do, if it weren’t for this dudes BIG HEAD lol.

BUT, you get the point, the dude is an egomaniac! “We already knew this, I mean DUH!” you say to me pinching the bridge of your nose. “Why do you point out the obvious?!”

Well, notice how severe and prevalent these traits are. Don’t you find it odd how this dude has SEVERE megalomania? Well, I did research and found out that Narcissism has a very sad connection most of the time and affects males more than females.

at https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/causes-of-npd here’s what I found

Notice the parental factors during early childhood are all abuse-related. This could very well be one, if not the main reason, why Al is the way he is: He was abused as a child! And to make matters worse, as I was looking deeper into this, I noticed that sexual abuse is ANOTHER factor, which would explain why Alastor doesn’t like being touched without consent or by surprise but will GLADLY invade other’s personal space to feel in control (He's a hypocrite like that). Sexual assault victims ALSO don’t like being touched without consent so this just adds more proof to my claim! And serial killers tend to have a rough family life and have been molested, taken advantage of, neglected, or all of the above! 

It’s also come to my attention that Alastor enjoys talking with women more than men for 2 reasons. 1) Alastor finds it easier and more enjoyable to talk with women. 2) He finds men to be dumb brutes at least in hell.

I give COMPLETE CREDIT to @dollymoon

Thank you for the awesome amount of facts you’ve provided! RESPECT! https://www.tumblr/dollymoon

Alastor most likely has a very harsh grudge against the world due to his treatment as a young child. His abuse, and possible loss of his mother growing up, lead to him finding joy in seeing those suffer and fail EVERY SINGLE TIME! Notice the way he talks creepily to Charlie about watching sinners “Repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pits of F A I L U R E.” Look at this man’s face as he’s saying this! The man looks turned on with the VERY fact of people suffering, that’s his kink, y’all, he a damn sadist! (No, being asexual doesn’t mean you can’t have kinks, I’ve checked, lol. Got you fam.) Ima kink shame the hell out of this man (Pun-unintended) 

Ahem, anyway, this dude has got a hate boner for the world and finds relief when exacting pain on others because he feels wronged and feels the world is to blame. He does seem to acknowledge and accept that where he’s at is the end of the road for those who want to change, their chance was when they were alive, and has accepted that this is the natural order of things and they can’t fix that. I had this vibe that he must have gone to church as a kid due to his mom being religious and he loved his mom so he obeyed, Has been stated by Faustisse that he’s a mama’s boy, BUT remember, Vivzie said anything that comes out of HER mouth is what’s canon. Unless she has already stated it as fact any other info can’t be trusted. (Even though this info is PAINSTAKINGLY clear just by him mentioning his mother’s cooking and it just makes too much sense, lol.)

So he must have grown up to be low-key violent but with manners like he practiced being slick and suave in order to trick people into trusting him so that he may kill them without getting caught, which would work perfectly with him not chasing people due to his moral code. He practiced and practiced and seeing as how he was well-off in his later years, I’d assume he started doing his radio schtick when he was in his early 20s or at the age of 18. So he began when the roaring 20s was just starting, a new beginning for him! 

Alastor's name means "he who does not forget", "avenger", "persecutor", "tormenter", "one who suffers from divine vengeance".

(This also makes me think his real name is Alexander/Alexandre since it's the exact opposite of his Hell-Name and more interestingly, in terms of name-giving traditions, between the latter half of the Spanish period (1790-1803) and the beginning of Jim Crow Segregation (1893-1964), gallicized names of classical Greek and Roman origins dominated in Loiusiana. This may be due, in whole, or in part, to the fact that New Orleans had North America’s (excluding Central America and the Caribbean) first Opera Houses and Theatres, owned, frequented and operated by Creoles from Louisiana, Cuba and Saint-Domingue/Haiti. Adonis is my second choice since It literally means "handsome man" and that would totally fit him for his handsomeness to the fact I feel that his mom would def name him this outside of Alexander/Alexandre.) http://www.mylhcv.com/common-creole-names-for-males/

This is a HEAVY hint to what happened in his life and why he’s so drawn to seeing people fail and helps hold my theory together quite a bit, if not a lot. Of all the names to give this dude, he was given a name that legit is on par with the word “Vengeance” and “Avenger”. Vengeance for what? Avenge who? He was wronged. He possibly is angered also by the death of his mother, who was most likely his ONLY ray of light. He is a broken man who most likely has insecurities, based on the info of narcissism which tells us that narcissistic people are the most insecure sorts of people. Alastor is aware of this and sees it as a weakness, something to be culled and hidden from the world never seeing the light of day. His only way of making himself feel stronger and more in control was through voodoo and cannibalism. Many Cannibals believe to be the bees-knees since they go a step FURTHER into crime by devouring their victims and placing themselves into a rank different and more feared by the rest. They see that no one else would even have the balls to attempt to reach that spot, which again leads back to the way Alastor thinks. He just adds oil to the fire when doing voodoo and doing BLOOD RITUALS which you can see him doing when attacking Sir Pentious!  https://twitter.com/hntrgurl13/status/1197918059836690433?s=20

Dude has so much baggage that he hides behind a smile he thinks ALONE brings strength like niBBa are you serious? I’d like to see this man try and say that to the faces of strong people like Superman, Goku, Midoriya, Naruto, Broly, Wonder Woman, GOD. Yo even GOD shows emotions. Wanna know why these beings are strong? It ain’t just cause they smile, Nah, it’s cause they’re determined or the very literal embodiment of determination. they have a damn balance and that strength helps them smile through the pain, they don’t need to exhibit a smile to be strong cause them being themselves and having the strong mentality is what gives them strength, not a damn smile. Watch Charlie hit him with the good old reality check when the man attempts to freaking take over her joint (Both hotel and hell) and she proves strength ain’t just gained through smiling or dominating others. He high-key sounds weak for even having that mindset, only weaklings think like this. He has a very weak view of life which brought forth a monster, or should I say DEMON.

Here’s the info of him not liking being touched.

I’d also like you guys to keep in mind that Vivzie has stated that none of the characters have split personalities, proving Al knows EXACTLY what he's doing.

It’s all them but some have a DUALITY to them. As hinted at by the word "dual" within it, duality refers to having two parts, often(but not always) with opposite meanings, like the duality of good and evil. If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there's a duality. Notice how Alastor also has a duality in him. What kind tho? Remember those shadows that follow him everywhere? Yeah I'm pretty sure those shadows represents his duality in some way, shape, or form.

I also forgot to add that Masochism and Sadism both ALSO stem from the same things Narcissism does or similar things like being sexually abused as a kid. Remember not all cases are the same, I just wanted to put that out there (Not sure If Al is still a Masochist since that’s old info from him being just a deer and liked it when people tried to kill him.)

So in conclusion:

-Dude was possibly abused as a child by his Father

-he hates society/the world due to his terrible child life

-He possibly feels shame for what he has done and thus has accepted his fate

-He loves his mama and MOST LIKELY hates his father who probs is the one who did him a terrible service for just being his father growing up, this would explain his view on men as well

-He also feels shame for being so weak to even allow his father or any male figure to do what they did to him

-Man gets turned on when seeing people like sinners suffer.

KEEP. IN. MIND. None of this excuses his terrible behavior and excuses for being so power-hungry, He’s an interesting character and I love his quirks but he is by no means a victim without faults. He is a product of society and that’s sad but he needs to pay for his horrible actions. Cannibalism is going to far, using you and your victim’s blood for voodoo isn’t excusable, and just killing someone for the sake of vengeance won’t make the pain go away, so nothing he does that involves harming people is cute or a way to suppress his anger, which he’ll have to learn the hard way in this story, I bet. Hopefully, it’s done well cause he’s still very much a bad guy regardless of the fact that he is aiding charlie.

WHEW, that was a long post, one of my longest ones! I really wanted to write out my thoughts on this character cause I’m ALWAYS intrigued by the mystery characters like him withhold. They tend to have hints to their behavior and it was really fun traveling through the possibilities of his nature. I’m probably 100% wrong about all of what I said since I am still not sure about everything and I researched as much as I could. I wouldn’t have had such an easy time if it wasn’t for @dollymoon and their amazing efforts to inform the community, y’all crazy but y’all dedicated so respect. I am not part of the community so I wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint all the info and more. So this is my piece on Alastor the Radio Demon, a.k.a dude who looks like he’s taken ecstasy. 

P.S

-Why is this man wearing a torn up and ragged jacket when he can easily make himself a better freaking jacket? The man wore a one that was fresh as hell during his reprise, so what gives?! and why in God’s name is his damn teeth yellow? How you gonna say “You're never fully dressed without a smile” but got on one of the dirtiest smiles I’ve ever freaking seen? I'd rather not smile and be strong than to wear my clothes at its dirtiest(his smile I mean). Ain’t no way in the fresh hell would I invite an edgy radioman, who I know does voodoo, into my damn house, I am too black/Haitian for that bull.

-Y’all finna tell me why y’all falling for a man who canonically has stank breathe...?

At least clean his damn teeth and give him a mint first, D A M N people!

again, thank you very much @dollymoon

but yeah, that’s my theory y’all, hope you enjoy and sorry for the constant repetition in here! DISSECTION OVER. . .

[ofgoldenangel]

Discord Chat: Angel’s in Love

SUMMARY: Gabriel askes to chat with Michael after their Angel’s meeting to discuss his growing attachment to Zatanna.

TRIGGERS: mentions of death

WRITTEN WITH: @ofwarriors

Gabriel: Waited until Zatanna had exited the shop to ask Jesse for some help, he'd noticed her look before nodding his head towards her offering a small smile. He needed to talk to Michael even he could take notice of their weird tension between each other and he needed to talk about it. "Michael, I may be weaker but I see the way you look at her" he replied looking up from his book. "Talk to me brother...what happened?"

Michael: He wondered if he'd actually been that transparent. Apart of him wanted to deny it, but he knew that Gabriel would see right through it. "It's a long story, Gabriel. One that's not going anywhere further so you don't have to worry," he deflected instead turning to focus on narrowing down spell books and grimoires that could be used to aid Zatanna's research.

Gabriel: Could easily see something had happened between his brother and the mage, the angel was never one to show emotions yet now? he could read everything on his face. He snapped his fingers shutting the book Michael was looking at "She is taken Brother, the first time you show any emotion and it's towards a woman who is in a very happy relationship" he replied turning to look at him sighing "What happened Michael, Don't lie to me"

Michael: "Is she happy? Truly?" he asked. The words came out before he'd even had a chance to think. He hadn't meant it. Or maybe he had. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. Michael rubbed his temples and leaned against the countertop. "I kissed her," he admitted. "It was a lapse in judgment and it won't happen again." He couldn't believe they were actually talking about this. The city was falling apart and this is what they were talking about. "She's valuable to this team and I don't plan to screw that up."

Gabriel: was quite taken back by his brother's outburst Michael was never one to lose control like this. Did he care more for the Mage than he let on, this was a spell for disaster, it was quite obvious the mage wanted her boyfriend to him unless something changed? "Why would you say that? Dimitri has never given us reason to think he doesn't care great for Zatanna" He replied before looking at his brother for a moment. "Was it a lapse in judgment or are you falling for her? Michael, you know out of anyone I'd understand but this is quite messy.."

Michael: He was embarrassed by it all, truly. He knew that Gabriel was right. He'd felt it in Zee's kiss too. Her heart was with Dimitri and all Michael had done was confuse her more. "They'd had a fight," he explained. "Dimitri charged at John with the intent to kill. In hindsight, that was probably the doing of this whole imbalance business. It frightened her. She'd come to the shop to get space from it." he went on. It felt good getting it out into the open. Confessing what he'd done. "I was there. My wing was injured," he replied as he looked over his shoulder. "I'd gotten jumped and I wasn't healing properly. She's stronger than I am right now," the archangel admitted and for some reason that didn't really bother him. "She healed the wound and..." he let the rest hang in the air. "It was a lapse in judgment, Gabriel. Neither one of us was exactly ourselves at the time."

Gabriel: could read the confusion on his brother's face but when it came to the image. He'd done something stupid that made things rather awkward between them but Zatanna was anything but hateful towards him. "Well, we both know what his dark side holds, if she came back unharmed that should show you how much he cares for her, as for john I'm pretty sure he started said fight." He replied looking at the other "I hope so brother, love at the best of times is painful, it's almost unbearable when it's not returned, I care for you deeply Michael and I don't want you hurt, emotionally or physically, though I have to admit didn't really think shed be your first kiss" he teased his elder brother

Michael: "This time he took care not to harm her but what about the next?" he asked. Again the question had come out before he'd even had time to process it. The archangel had been more than a little confused by the woman tonight. Despite everything, she'd been her usual self. Going so far as to offer help to all the angels in the city. A part of him couldn't help but wonder if this had all been his father's doing. After all, Zatanna hadn't meant to summon Michael. She was aiming for a guardian angel but instead, she got him. Why? At first, he'd thought she underestimated the strength of her magic but now he wasn't sure. Had it been his father's doing all along? He pushed those thoughts away. This wasn't divine intervention. He wasn't ordained for her. She had someone in her life already. "There's nothing she could do to hurt me, brother," he smiled softly. It was a lie but one that he'd happily live with. "If anything I'm the one who's caused the most harm tonight." He rolled his eyes as his brother teased him. "First, last, and never again. Are we done now? Or will I have to live with your teasing for the next century?" he chuckled, trying to push it all aside.

Gabriel: eyed his brother for a moment letting his question hang in the air " you've met his brother, you know what is happening out there. In his right mind, I've never heard of him laying a finger on the mage or anyone without just cause. Do you truly believe he is a bad character? Enough to hurt the women he cares for?" His asked in earnest, Michael knew Dimitri not him, all he had were stories told to him by the mage and his brother get him caught up on the people his brother been spending time with. " I swear we need to work on your poker face, just because dad created Chloe for Lucifer doesn't mean he made us all mates for life, Luci was always the favorite so of course father thought of him more." He sighed moving closer to Michael placing his hand over the others. "There is plenty she could do, but Zatanna isn't the type to do it willingly. You will have to talk to her brother, It can wait till we've restored things and you are feeling more like yourself but that talk will need to happen" he replied before smirking slightly "I finally have dirt on you and you won't let me use it? I think not brother, and don't close your heart off to this feeling who knows there may be some other leggy mage out there dying to wow you, after all, you still have plenty of firsts to take" he chuckled.

Michael: "Truthfully I don't know. He is bound for hell. His rage and killings have done wonders to feed Aamon, but no, I do not think he'd ever turn his hand on her. Heaven and Hell both help him if he did. She's got enough fire in her to put even the strongest of men into the ground," he murmured, finding himself once again fighting with temptation. Gabriel was right. Believing this was father's doing was simply wishful thinking. His less than pious feelings for the magician had less to do with father and more to do with this growing mortality he was experiencing. "I will talk to her and to Dimitri," he promised. "I owe him that much." He rolled his eyes as his brother continued to tease him. "There is no room for this feeling in my life Gabriel. It clouds judgment too much.  You saw it tonight. I can't make the calls I need to make when I'm like that," he explained. "As for having dirt on me," he side-eyed his brother. "Try to keep it between us, yeah? If Lucifer finds out he was right to some capacity I will never live it down."

Gabriel: "being bound for hell doesn't necessarily preach about character, and Aamon has plenty of humans in this day in age to keep him feed for centuries. If even under Aamon's influence he didn't lay a hand on the mage that shows not only great resilience but love for her, notice how even with the stressor of John gone her phone hasn't rung once since being here? He is giving her the space he knows she needs. But that again I've always seen the good in humankind" he chuckled softly shaking his head, his brother was truly lost to his emotions something the younger had never seen except maybe during the war, they'd lost so many brothers and he knew Michael took each lost personally. " you do, though I'm sure they'll forgive you, if not at least you did the right thing" he replied because chuckling "you were fine brother, we took a problem and handled it together as we always do, love does make people rather crazy and if this is you crazy I must say you still function like my uptight brother" he replied before rolling his eyes " I won't tell anyone, besides the next time I see lucifer I'm sure he'll have my wings so I'm going to do what the mage suggested and steer clear of our brother."

Michael: He smiled gently at his brother. Gabriel was always the one to see good in humanity, even in the most muddled souls like Dimitri. Michael had broken bread with the man. He knew despite what he'd done in his past, he'd retired from that life and was trying to do better for himself, for Zatanna. And, if he were honest, looking at the mage's history, Michael simply wasn't her type. "You're right. I do hope they work it out," he nodded, not taking his eyes off the floor. He hoped if he said it enough to himself he'd mean it. He didn't like feeling this way. He wondered if this is what his brothers had felt upon falling. Why anyone would wish to be overcome with dark emotions like this was beyond him. "What I have for her isn't love," he remarked, being the uptight brother Gabriel knew him to be. "It's...infatuation, maybe. Admiration. You like her yourself. I've seen you take to her," he smiled gently. He knew Zatanna had been counseling the young angel after his fight with Lucifer. "She shows us kindness when no one else in this city does. It's easy to see why I made the mistake I made, but I assure you it won't happen again with this mage or any other mage for that matter. As for Lucifer, even in my weakest state, I'd like to see him try. He knows that's an act of war as much as any," he reassured his brother. "But I do agree with Zatanna on this. It's best to steer clear of him for now."

Gadreel: He looked at the other, even he could see his brother held feelings for the mage no matter how much he tried to push it down or deny it they would be there. The problem with humanity is its life was fleeting compared to theirs and if Mike did end up loving Zatanna it would be nothing but pain. "You may not believe that right now, but you know no matter what they'll always be your friend, funny thing about humans they get pretty protective over their friendships brother"  He replied hopefully before smiling at the other. "Infatuation or not, I didn't want to kiss her, if anything my attachment to the mage is in Motherly of nature" he replied truthfully before smiling softly "She is one of a kind, and it's easy to see how you could've developed these feelings and I don't think you should run for them.  I guess I didn't count on such hatred...you didn't hate me in the end. " he sighed nodding his head "I will brother you have nothing to worry about, I shall stick to the shop to ensure you won't worry endlessly about me getting hurt again"

Michael: It wasn't fair, truthfully. If she didn't return his feelings in kind, he could live with that. What he found more painful was the fact that he'd have to watch nature take its course on her and the mortals around her. Whether she remained a friend, a lover, or home, it didn't matter. Death would take her one day and there was nothing that he could do to stop that. "They are fiercely loyal," he smiled softly, nodding his head in agreement. "I'd say that's the one refreshing thing about being here." His brothers had been as well up until Lucifer broke with tradition and started a war. He chuckled when the angel mentioned that he'd found a mother in Zatanna. None of them had ever had a mother. They had all been built for war and shaped by fire. "She'd lay her life on the line for you just as sure as I would. I could never hate you, Gabriel," he reassured the angel. Truth be told, he'd do anything to avoid another war. He'd been much younger by angel standards during the first war. Much more brash and heavy-handed. He'd lost so much in those days. He wasn't sure he had it in him to do what needed to be done again. "Well, in that case," he tossed the angel a spellbook. "I might as well put you to work," he grinned. "Zatanna's picked up a lot just on our behalf. There's a lot riding on her shoulders." He'd be lying if he said he wasn't worried she'd taken too much on her plate. A part of him knew this had been her way of avoiding dealing with everything else. "We need to narrow down what can and cannot be used to help her. We owe her that much." They owed her more than that, but this was a good place to start.

Gabriel: Could see the struggle in his brother, it was a slippery slope, if he did fall for her and Zatanna returned his feelings her life would pass before his eyes. Or he could just bury his feelings hoping to enjoy what little time they had together it was quite the lose lose situation and Gabe didn't envy his brother one bit. "That they are, we are quite lucky to have found such a good group of them" He replied softly before looking at the other, he found that he liked the feelings of family he received from them, back in Heaven when Lucifer left all he had was Michael, it was strange to think how broken his family had truly become until he was faced with something that worked. "I thought you would...Lucifer and I were inseparable growing up...I shared a lot of his thoughts except the ones about humanity being useless...after the war, even though I fought with you, I'm sure even you could sense my hesitation to attack our brothers..." He replied in a soft voice before chuckling softly at the book Mike tossed him nodding his head head "I know brother, we'll find the fix I just know it, I wonder what we'll find out" He replied opening the book before moving to read over the spells "Make sure you work to Mikey no pushing all the work on us youngsters"

Michael: He saw no sense in wallowing in self-pity. He knew what he had to do even if he didn't necessarily want to do it. He wasn't going to destroy her life over his selfish desire for something comfortable. He hoped that his brother would never be faced with a decision such as this. "One can only hope we can help them as much as they've helped us," he nodded. "We were like them once too," he smiled softly, remembering his family when they had been whole. "Even the strongest of bonds can break. Lucifer's ideology was rigid but so was mine. I know to have to choose sides was hard, but I'm glad you're here brother." There was a reason Michael had summoned him before the others. Gabriel was the kindest of the four of them and earth needed that kindness now more than ever. "Oh, I'm no slacker, brother. I intend to do my part," he teased as he grabbed a book off the shelf. It was going to be a long night.

[lllvllls-blog]

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ cismale + he/his — have you seen vincent janko? they sure have been hanging out at valdez county park a lot recently. they are thirty eight years old known as the raging bull, and they currently work for the cobras as a soldier, which they’ve been doing for nine years. a bisexual capricorn, they are determined + practical, as well as detached + stubborn. knitting needles, smashed terracotta pots, gauze bandages.

this is so long im so sry it’s mostly so i dont fKN FORGET MY BRAINS A SIEVE

HISTORY

this my most anti-social + rage-filled muse so we’ll see how he do... v v v loosely based on jake lamotta in the raging bull film. their personalities are actually a bit different ANYWAY 

raised around violence, saw ppl responded to it + listened when used so grew up with the kinda mentality where violence was the only answer 

not a great relationship with parents, lack of communication, abusive. vince’s parents married too young, fell out of love quick, took their frustrations out on each other and on their kid who never listened

so kept to himself at home but released aggression at school. a Big Fat Bully rip just picking on ppl all the time - not the weak ones but the strongest

got into a lot of trouble, juvenile diversion, detention etc. hefty fines bc of vandalism, assault etc. then eventually juvie for a short while for assaulting his probation officer. a mess. 

age 15, his mum (civilian) left his dad (cobra) and his dad remarried to a fellow cobra. his new mom wanted their own kid but couldn’t so adopted serah. ENTER: actual angel, light of vince’s life. the lil 3 y/o was his everything ok. not only did serah’s arrival soften his dad up a lil but vince had less reason to be angry about things too.

tho their parents were v absent, vince had no problem taking care of serah. in fact he was so happy to do it, even skipped school to spend time with her 

stayed out of trouble for serah, joined a boxing club which tamed him a lot, saved his anger for the ring. lost a lot at first but once he started to pick things up the cobras began to take notice as he quickly became the winning bet

doesn’t feel pain like normal people. can just charge + charge + charge @ people no matter how many punches to the head.

didn’t graduate high school but agreed to fight for the cobras + help them fix games for some extra dolla. enjoyed the money as paid back parents, became independent, and begin to save up to move into a house with his gf + financially support serah

never took the initiation tho. always rebelled against his parents and refused to join the cobras despite their wishes. didn’t like the thought of ppl telling him what to do. just wanted to fight, win, go back to his gf + sis with a fat wad of cash 

around the age of 23, he enlisted in the army with a bunch of his friends due to ~patriontic~ reasons but before he left married mimi who came from savage parents + eventually initiated when she was 18. had been dating her since he was 16. this was another reason why he swore not to join as a cobra

finds out she’s pregnant whilst he’s away. wasn’t planned. thought of kids scared him bc he never believed he’d be a good dad (spoiler alert: he right) 

comes back during leave to meet a lil bb rosie (age 25). elated but terrified. more than the war. goes back to afghanistan, hates not being there. so fucks up his own left ear, sent home with a medical discharge. deaf in one ear. called an animal. 

he’s obvs not the same as before, disoriented and a lil traumatized. also wow vince is not the best parent. has sm of his dad’s awful traits that he hasn’t unlearnt but is Trying. 

tried to do a normal job as a construction worker but just got into fights all the time, kept getting fired. was convinced to go back into the ring. so he did. but things were different. 

he didn’t get the same sense of relief from mindless violence. just needed the money. impact of the war - no release from shooting a gun and taking an innocent person’s life. being a solider was a job in the same way as a fighter. work, work. unsatisfied hunger.  

ANYWAY vince’s last fight (age 27), huge odds. cobras told him to lose. his friend bet on him to win against vince’s advice. friend had bet a lot of money. so won the fight. next day his wife was killed.

he thought it was the cobras. turns out it was the savages, they thought she was a snake. not only that but the cobras lost a lot of money. they wanted him to pay it back. he refused to initiate. but serah was pregnant as well. he needed to support the fam + didn’t want no dramaz.

so continued to fight. but now he didn’t know when to stop, didn’t know his limits. began to beat his opponents to death. did the odd job here and there - intimidation, repossession, torture. only to pay off his debts + lowkey protection for his fam 

age 29, parents die. livid. paranoid. took cobra initiation for official protection. also a way to hunt down his wife and parents’ killer + get vengeance. 

SUMMARY: ex cobra fighter, ex us military, widower, a decent brother (serah’s), trying to be a decent father, now cobra soldier. (all u have to know tbh)

PERSONALITY (?) ish

nine years later, not over it. still angry. still hunting for the savages that killed his loved ones. might even be dead but subconsciously it doesn’t matter to him, convinces himself they’re still alive to cope with guilt. give his life a kind of purpose he thinks is achievable. 

it’s pretty obvious to ppl he’s only in the cobras out of his own interest, protection and vengeance. he doesn’t exactly see other cobras as ‘family’ and his jobs are all done solo. just sticks to himself, gets shit done and doesn’t want anyone to bother him.

tryna be a good brother and a good dad and a good husband. crazy overprotective. don’t fucc with them, he’ll kill you. more brawns than brains. not a lot of morals. full of hate and rage. always sounds angry. even if amused. doesn’t talk much. speaks in grunts n gruffs n glares. talks weirdly, goes off tangents a lot. 

not book smart but v street smart. don’t bullshit him bc it’ll just piss him off. 

once he sets his mind to something that’s it, game over. dont try and change his mind.

ALSO tryna be a better man for his fam. goes to therapy (rarely!!), cut down on drinking A LOT tho sometimes has his moments, smokes privately. works out a lot, does DIY a lot, but also taken on hobbies that require a lot of patience like knitting, gardening, fishing. 

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

childhood friends - vince had a lot more space in his heart for people outside of his family when he was younger. he was more sociable, approachable. wasn’t exactly a social butterfly but had a group of friends etc. that he deeply cared for 

kobra kidz on the block - vince’s dad and step-mom were both cobra members. so people he grew up with due to their affiliations? old time friends, old time enemies. frenemies. anything. vince was very vocal about his disregard for the gang tbh. could’ve boxed together etc. 

annoyance - a younger chara that just won’t leave him alone lmao. maybe a cobra, maybe not. could be anything.

baby sitter - vince has a daughter called rosie who is 13 y/o. she’s a lil hard nut and hard to control (wonder who she takes after) but anyway he def needs one of these. he’d rely on them a lot.

family/friends of mimi - mimi, his late wife, was a savage. they dated from 16 to her death at age 27. she grew up around savages. she joined out of peer pressure and vince never shied away from telling her fam how much he doesn’t like them. so ppl that opposed her, maybe orchestrated/participated in her death. could be fun. 

lonely - vince has only been in love with one woman + still isn’t over her but it’s been nine years and a man has needs. so someone he fucks bc he’s lonely. this person probably knows it too. maybe they’re also lonely.  

ex-fling - same sitch as before but the person ended it bc vince was so detached and cold. or maybe they grew feelings and broke it off. either way, vince unintentionally hurt the other person and *charlie puth vc* they don’t talk any mo

garden patch friends - vince has rly gotten into gardening ok. has a little garden patch near where he lives in the suburbs. plants veggies, some flowers. so maybe they have similar interests or have a patch nearby and *gasp* vince can actually talk more than a sentence at a time

[popatochisssp]

Match up!

Ok! I’m a 21 year old gal at 5'3 with brown eyes, caramel hair, and a soft heart. People often describe me as bubbly, sweet, and a “ray of sunshine”. I’m usually the one making lame jokes and goofing around (expect constant giggles), but I know when it’s time to buckle down and get things done! School is incredibly important to me rn and I’m a straight A student. Very serious about my future. Passionate in everything I do and striving to be the best me I can be. Let me finish my work first and then I’ll come out and play! Outside of school or work, I’m either out with friends or spending time with family at home.

Likes: My family/friends (they mean the world to me), creativity, traveling (been to many countries and even lived in Peru for a bit!), learning/experiencing new things, makeup, anything heart-shaped, lace, or floral, drawing, storytelling, music (Mystery Skulls, Studio Killers, Avicii, pop, etc.), wholesome memes, animals, spreading that love and positivity!

Dislikes: Pessimism, being angry (I’ll have an attitude but overall I’m a sensitive bean and I’ll cry when I’m v mad or frustrated), a messy room, seeing others in pain, aggressive people, people who think it’s cool to hate everyone, canceled plans, having to make the first move, feeling pressured into things, not being taken seriously (Just bc I’m happy doesn’t make me dumb), dwelling on the past, staying at home for too long (I can chill at home but eventually I’ll want to go out and do something)

What do you look for in a match?:

I always look for friendship first. Someone I can feel comfortable opening up to and who’s just as silly and open-minded as I am. A sweetheart with their head on straight and isn’t afraid to take control. Ambitious, intelligent, humerus (Ik its overused but I still appreciate). Humor is a big one for me because I love to laugh as much as I love to make others laugh. Also, a huge romantic. I grew up watching telenovelas, so I expect mucho passion y romance from my s/o (i wonder who sent that bilingual ask ohoho). I’m a hopeless romantic myself and I’ll have no problem woo-ing an s/o and receiving a bunch of cliche love gestures as well! I’m a sucker for love notes, flowers, playlists, planned dates/trips, the whole shebang. Reassurance is also a must. Why should the woo-ing stop after we get together? I love being reminded how important and loved I am and I’m happy to do the same! All about mutual respect and encouragement. Remind me to take it easy whenever I try to bite off more than I could chew. I can get very anxious when I feel overwhelmed by certain tasks. Proceed with caution, please! Pushing me or getting in my face would only make it worse. Lastly, someone who can hold a conversation. I don’t mind going on about something but if they don’t say much back, I’ll think I’m just boring them.

Any dealbreakers?: I’ve kissed quite a few frogs so excuse me if I sound too picky! Can’t deal with a Man-child, anger issues, someone too intense, lack of communication, arrogance, unmotivated, someone who doesn’t respect boundaries, won’t listen to me, ignores me, and is condescending or overly critical

Anything else I should know?: I like to think that I’m pretty independent and just fine on my own, but when I have an s/o, I can be clingy. I know that I don’t need them but I want them and I want them to want me too! Despite my lovey dovey attitude, I like to keep it PG in public. I’m pretty mindful of others but more expressive in private.

I also believe that the strongest people are those who didn't let their hardships bitter them, but instead make them want to be a better person. It can be so tough keeping a positive mindset after going through so much but not impossible! I have mad love and respect for those who keep moving forward and show kindness to others despite what they've gone through.

P.S You’re still a peach and thank you for the match ups! I’m sorry this got so long, I just have a lot of love in my heart

As I suspected, I haven’t changed my mind about your match-up from when you submitted the first time so I’m happy to finally tell you that your match is Sky (Underswap Sans)!

Your bright attitude and passionate, responsible nature are things that he deeply respects in you, and he’s excited to show you that he’s a man who can do both, himself! 

He shares your dislike of not being taken seriously and will never think less of you just because you’re cheerful, and dwelling on the past is just not his thing. He likes to keep moving forward, onto what’s next...whatever that may be! If you’re up for the adventure, he’s thrilled to have you along for the ride.

Sky doesn’t mind that you’re a little clingy-- so is he!-- but he’s also self-sufficient enough that he can handle things on his own for awhile if you need a little space when you’re overwhelmed. 

In fact, he’d consider it both his duty and his genuine pleasure as your datemate to help you cope during those times by maybe taking care of a thing or two for you, just to take a few things off your plate!

Honestly, you’d have a fantastic time on a road-trip with him: you make the playlist, he’ll pack the healthy snacks, and you can switch off driving and just go see whatever you want together, even if it’s just the open road and enjoying each other’s company.

If you’re willing to take your friendship with him to the next level, he’s passionate and deeply affectionate so be careful or this dynamo’s gonna charm the pants off you before you even know what hit you! ;3

[animatedarchives]

trust • trust fall (part i) || bakugo x reader

a/n: hi dear, yes you absolutely can!! this turned out a LOT longer than i anticipated it to be because i couldn’t stop writing LOL anyway i really hope you enjoy it :) i’m so sorry if this is not what you wanted ;-; also please prepare yourself for bakugo absolutely cHuGgiNg his respect woman juice skkjmcknscsk

► genre: ANGSTTT, fLuFfy aT thE EnD i love soft katsuki ;-;

► warnings: mentions of cheating

► word count: 1.2k words

“Izuku… Why?”

“I’m sorry Y/N… I didn’t know how to tell you…”

“Am I not good enough? Is that it? Is that why you cheated on me? Is there someone better?”

“I… I’m sorry Y/N…”

“Wait, don’t leave! Izuku, wait! Please! Please…”

You’ve been replaying the conversation over and over in your head for the past hour, each time failing to find the answer to your question.

Why? Why did you leave me?

The poor condition of the abandoned hallway you were in mirrored your despair; paint peeling off the walls, windows coated with grime and the dusty ground on which you sat in melancholy.

You leaned your head back against the wall, desperately trying to pull yourself together. You felt and looked like an absolute wreck. Your hair that was perfectly styled this morning was now disheveled, acting as a curtain that attempted to shield you from the hurts of the world. The trails on your cheeks held traces of all the tears you had shed. Your throat was parched for water and your eyes burned from the overproduction of saline.

Well, at least no one is here to see you like thi-

“Oi.”

Crap.

“What the hell are you doing here, sitting on the floor like a damn idiot?”

You have got to be joking. The universe just had to give you someone you knew. You shifted your body so that your back was facing him and swiftly wiped your eyes in a pitiful attempt to hide your misery.

“Oi! Don’t ignore me when I’m talking to you, shitface!” he spat.

“Dammit, Bakugo! Can you just mind your own business and leave me the hell alone?” you yelled over your shoulder.

You’ve never been very close to Bakugo and usually just tried to avoid him. It wasn’t because you hated him - because you didn’t - but you weren’t exactly very fond of him either. You just never appreciated the way he treated your now ex-boyfriend. Being fiercely protective of him, you were always the first one to come to Izuku’s defence and never backed down from a fight - whether verbal or physical - even if it was against Bakugo, one of the strongest, most hot-headed people in class. After multiple scoldings from Iida and your teachers, you decided it would be best to just avoid him altogether.

Eventually, as time went on and your relationship with Izuku began to get more serious, Bakugo’s bullying began to cease and he also started to keep his distance from the two of you. You found it slightly unusual at first, given he had years to stop picking on Izuku but chose not to until now. You weren’t complaining though. Whenever you and Izuku were together, you would also catch him glaring daggers at the two of you, more so at Izuku, but he never approached. You knew it wasn’t because he was afraid of you - he was hardly afraid of anything. Could it be that he possibly respected you for standing up to him? Your curiosity reaped no answers. Not that you cared much, but it would be a lie to say you weren’t interested in knowing the reason for his change in behaviour.

After your outburst, Bakugo’s footsteps stopped about three metres away from your curled up body, letting a tense silence settle between you. Even with your back turned, you could feel his eyes locked on your frame, watching your every move.

“Look, I don’t know what your damn problem is but if you think you can tell me what to do, you’d better think again,” his voice dripping with annoyance.

Oh my god, why was he so persistent? Could he not just go away? Your blood started to boil and the heat rushed to your face.

“Stop acting so weak and pathetic-”

“YOU KNOW WHAT BAKUGO,” you snapped, standing up and finally facing him. Bakugo’s eyes widened slightly as he took in the sight of your tear-stained face, but he didn’t look away. “YOU’RE RIGHT. MAYBE THAT REALLY IS WHAT I AM. WEAK AND PATHETIC.”

Bakugo opened his mouth but you cut him off.

“I’m constantly there for others and I always try to give everyone my all but in the end, who’s there for me? No one! I’m always the one that’s suffering, but people don’t notice because no one actually stops to think about me!”

“But Deku-”

“IZUKU CHEATED ON ME!” your cries echoed down the empty hallway. Hearing yourself say it out loud finally cemented the reality you were denying for so long. A lump started to form in your throat and you could feel your eyes starting to well up with tears again.

Bakugo’s body became stiff, a million thoughts running through his mind. You could have sworn you saw his eyes flash with anger, but you couldn’t see clearly through the thin film impairing your vision.

You choked out a sob. “I thought that someone had finally accepted me, finally acknowledged that I was worthy of being loved. But in the end, even the person I gave my everything to thought I wasn’t good enough.” You inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath. You couldn’t cry in front of him. You wouldn’t. A wave of exhaustion finally hit you and you slid back down against the wall, curling into a ball and resting your chin on your knees. You were just so tired of everything.

“I don’t even know why I’m telling you this,” you laughed bitterly. “It’s not like you even care anyway.” You watched as an ant crawled across the space between you and Bakugo. Even ants had a colony, others they could depend on. And you? You had nobody.

“I do.”

Your train of thought came to a screeching halt as his words reached your ears. Your eyebrows furrowed and you raised your head to look up at him through your wet lashes. You had been here for so long that the sun was beginning to set, bathing Bakugo in a soft peachy glow.

“What?” you asked.

He looked at you straight in the eye, unflinching.

“I said I do,” he repeated. “I do care. About you.”

You blinked at him once. Twice. Three times. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Bakugo Katsuki, the last person in the world you thought you would be pouring your heart out to, just said he cared about you.

“Don’t lie,” you scoffed.

“Tch, I’m not lying, you idiot. You just don’t want to accept it,” he replied flatly.

Well, how could you? Words were just words after all. Izuku consistently told you that he loved you and still he shattered your heart. Trusting people just wouldn’t be so easy anymore. Your disbelief became apparent when you broke his gaze and pulled your knees closer to your chest.

He let out an exasperated sigh. “You never let me finish, by the way,” he said. You made no move to respond, but you were listening to every word he was saying, weighing the sincerity of each one.

“I said stop acting so weak and pathetic, not because you are, but because it is everything you are not.”

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe him so bad but you couldn’t find the heart to.

“You have never backed down when it came to protecting Deku against me. You weren’t afraid to stand up and challenge me. In fact, you are always at the frontlines, defending people you care so deeply about. That doesn’t make you weak. It shows that you’re strong. Putting others before yourself is a trait that every great hero has. And I admired you for that. A lot.”

Your mind was whirring. Not only were the things he was saying difficult to believe, but the words coming out of Bakugo's own mouth being anything but foul was so terrifyingly uncharacteristic of him that you couldn’t possibly believe it was true.

“Which is why…” he muttered, so softly that you almost didn’t catch it. You waited for him to finish his sentence but he never did.

You glanced at him from the corner of your eye and saw him looking at the floor. You had never seen Bakugo this vulnerable before. Oh, how the tables had turned.

“Which is why…?” you urged him to continue. You weren’t sure if it was the radiant sun that gave a reddish tint to his cheeks or if you were actually witnessing the infamously brash Bakugo Katsuki blushing.

“Which is why I li…” he mumbled, the end of his sentence dissipating due to lack of articulation.

“Why what?” you asked again, mildly irritated that he wouldn’t just spit it out.

He groaned loudly.

“WHICH IS WHY I LIKE YOU, DAMMIT!” he finally admitted, raising his voice as he turned to look straight at you.

Your eyes widened so much you thought your eyeballs were going to pop out of their sockets. You didn’t even bother hiding the shock on your face. This was simply incomprehensible.

But the more you mulled it over, the more it started to make sense. The explanation for Bakugo’s behaviour towards you and Izuku could finally be explained: he was jealous. Seeing you with anyone but himself infuriated him, especially if it was the boy who was effortlessly gaining everything he had ever wanted. That was why Bakugo continued tormenting Izuku, only he never expected it would be you that he would end up fighting as you stepped in to defend your boyfriend. As your relationship became more serious, Bakugo was forced to step back out of respect, but he never stopped glowering whenever he saw you two together. The reason he stopped tormenting Izuku was not because he was afraid of you, nor was it because he respected your determination to defend the boy you loved. It was because it would break his heart to be the cause of your distress. Everything he did… was because of you.

“WELL? Don’t just give me that stupid look! Say something!” he shouted in frustration, desperate for an answer.

Part of you felt relieved to see Bakugo return to his familiar aggressive self, but another part somehow knew that he was only doing it to cover up the fact that he was deeply embarrassed. The thought made a small smile tug at the corner of your lips. You valued the fact that he trusted you enough to let his guard down.

And you wanted to trust him too. But with everything that had happened, you just weren’t sure if you were ready to put your heart on the line again. Your eyebrows knitted together in concentration as you tried to form a coherent string of words that could accurately express everything you thought and felt.

He watched intently as you bit your lower lip and fiddled nervously with the hem of your skirt. Although the suspense was eating him alive, he respected the fact that you needed to collect your thoughts and waited patiently for your answer. Besides, it meant that you were seriously considering his confession, which was all he could have hoped for. Finally, you got to your feet and made your way over to him, his crimson eyes never leaving yours.

“Bakugo…” you started gently. He might have seemed collected on the outside, but his heart was beating impeccably fast and his anxiety levels were off the charts.

“I really appreciate your honesty but… I’m just really unsure. It’s not that I don’t want to trust you but…” you exhaled shakily. “I’m just scared. I can’t just keep giving my heart to people I’m not sure would treasure it… I just can’t. I need to protect myself too. I don’t want my heart to get broken again. I-”

He grabbed your face and pressed his lips against yours, cutting you off. Caught by surprise, you weren’t sure how to respond. But as he kissed you, you could feel how much he meant every single thing he said. Suddenly, they weren’t just words anymore.

The kiss was soft and gentle as if he were afraid to hurt you, especially when you were already in so much pain. Yet, he never lacked passion, because he wanted to prove how true his feelings were for you. But above all, the kiss… his love…

It was sincere.

Genuine.

Honest.

You melted into the kiss, hesitant at first but eventually willing to give love another try.

Bakugo broke the kiss and leaned back to admire the face he thought was so beautiful. His strong hands traced down your face to your shoulders and finally came to a rest at your arms, rubbing your skin soothingly.

“You’re right, you know. You can’t just give your heart to people. If you do, you’re bound to get heartbroken,” he said.

You frowned and stared forlornly at your feet, unsure of what to say. You knew he was right but you couldn’t help it. All you ever wanted was to be loved. To matter to someone.

“Which is why,” he took your chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting your head up to look at him. For the first time, you saw his eyes up close. They weren’t the blazing hot embers everyone associated with his rageful and dangerous behaviour. Right now, under the warmth of the setting sun, they were the soft comfort of red satin that whispered a love so pure, you couldn’t help but feel enraptured by them. His eyes burned, but it was far from malicious. They burned with desire for one thing alone. 

You.

“I will do whatever it takes to earn it.”

[the-everlasting-dream]

The Phantom - Kenji x MC AU

Summary: Set after the events of Hero Book 1, Kenji finally locates an elusive murderer but nothing could prepare him for what he finds instead. 

A/N: My first time writing for Hero and Kenji so I apologise if I haven’t gotten the character quite right. This fic was sitting unfinished on my laptop for over 2 months, uninspired. I needed a deadline to kick my ass into finishing for Angst Day of the April Fan Challenge hosted by @laniquelove​ . I love Kenji dearly but this one really broke my heart to write so prepare yourselves

Prompt used will be highlighted in bold.

Word count: 4800+ Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

Optional song accompaniment: Heartless - Kanye West Cover by Post Malone (love the original but Post’s has more of the soulful vibe I’m after)

Tags: @chantelle-x0x  @choicessa @topsyturvy-dream and @mariawalkerwrites coz I’ve been teasing this all month. 

It had been one year since Silas Prescott had unleashed his unstable Prism energy force on the city and while the rest of its population gradually recovered from the terror, Kenji Katsaros found himself in a stagnant loop, unable to move on from the disaster that had claimed the woman he cared for.  

As promised, Dax and Poppy began the search almost immediately for Alexa, scouring local and international satellites, monitoring Earth’s exosphere for any trace of Prism energy. Their efforts were greatly enhanced when Grayson offered his father’s facility for their operation but after 12 months with no result, the doubt began to settle in and they began to assume the worst. 

Meiko Katsaros noticed the change in her son first. She saw it in the way his usually bright eyes seemed to lose their fire, his trademark air of mischief seemed to have disappeared entirely. She saw it in the way he threw himself into his gym sessions - they'd never gone through so many punching bags in such a short time. She saw it every night as they had dinner together in the way Kenji would limply push his food across the plate until he realised she’d noticed, shovelling it into his mouth mindlessly and vanishing from the table before she could breech the subject. Meiko wished she could be there to comfort him but as DA, her job required her full attention especially after Silas' attack and with more people affected by the Prism's energy, the numbers of superhuman persons was at an all time high.  

At his mother’s behest, Kenji returned to his duties as manager of The Grand, more to please her than anything, assuming some semblance of normalcy but it was clear to his friends that he was no longer the same person. Things that had once brought amusement like dancing and partying were wasted on him as he dully moved through life, without vigour, a shell of his former self often to be found sitting in the recesses of the club, nursing an untouched whiskey.

The city now hailed Talos the Man of Bronze as some sort of hero after witnessing his actions that day. Law enforcement officials had contacted him regarding contractual work, wishing to work together to impede the steady rise of crime that unfolded in the wake of the disaster. Kenji readily threw himself into the task as it served a dual and somewhat oxymoronic purpose. It took his mind off his worries but in doing so he felt strangely closer to Alexa. 

I have to do this… It's what she would have wanted, he thought each time he threw himself into another mission. This is what she would be proud of. She had been a hero. She is a hero. I wish she could have been here to see it. 

Friday night at the Grand was in full swing and Kenji found himself in his usual booth. Earlier, several girls had approached him to dance, eager to get his number but he had politely turned them down, preferring his own thoughts to the loud atmosphere of the club. His brain returned to its usual patterns, thoughts of Alexa, of her whereabouts. 

Was she safe? Was she even alive? 

The sad knowing smile she gave him just before she vanished appeared once again in his mind along with each vivid detail of that fateful day that had been etched deeply on the surface of his brain. Not for the first time, he immersed himself in the memory.

Fuschia rays lit up the sky, beams of energy rippling across the scene. Several skyscrapers were on fire, the smoke rising gently above the chaos below. The salty taste of blood and metal mingled on his tongue as, screams, sirens, sounds of wreckage merging together in a horrific cacophony that grazed his eardrums, setting his teeth on edge. 

He had been too weak, powerless to do anything but watch as the madman that was Silas Prescott violently slam Alexa into pavement, the asphalt splintering under the impact. Arcs of magenta energy emanated from his form as he hammered his fists into her body. From somewhere on his left, Kenji vaguely heard Eva calling out. 

'Starfly!’

Anger raced through him as he shouted across the tumult. 

‘Get away from her!’ 

With great difficulty, Kenji pushed himself up onto an elbow before a stab of pain cut through his chest. Desperately shoving the sensation aside, he staggered to his feet before another blast of energy slammed into his torso, overwhelmed his body and he sank to his knees. The edges of his vision began to blur as the pinkish glow around Silas seemed to intensify ten times over. Alexa’s eyes found his own amidst all the chaos, her gaze holding a thousand unspoken words as her lips curved into a sad smile. As realisation dawned on him, Kenji started forward, ignoring the ripple of agony that coursed through his body, determined to get to her. 

‘Alexa no! There has to be another way!’

For a moment, he thought Minuet was using her abilities to slow down time as he watched the woman he cared so deeply for pull Silas up into the stratosphere, her figure gradually growing smaller and smaller as she disappeared into the clouds above them. Shortly after, a massive explosion unfolded from above, blinding beams of pink light piercing through the clouds. A soul-crushing, resounding howl of pain and loss ripped from Kenji's throat before his brain could register what was happening. 

NOOOO! 

His eyes frantically raked the boundless morning sky for that familiar black suit, searching for some sign, any sign that she was alright. Through the storm of emotions, he felt rather than saw Eva come up beside him.

‘Do you see her?’ His voice was a ragged mess as he struggled to his feet, his bronze exterior vanishing as he scanned the horizon. Time became foreign as Kenji fought waves of fatigue, blindly staggering through the carnage of the battle, searching for her in the rubble until he fell to his knees. Soft hands came to rest on his shoulders. 

‘Kenji… Kenji please. You can’t go on like this,’ Poppy’s soft voice broke through his frenzied state. ‘You’re exhausted. You need to rest.’

He cast his eyes to the sky, remembering Alexa’s dark ones burning into his before she sacrificed herself for the planet. ‘I-I need to find her Poppy… She has to be alive… I need to tell her...'

‘I know,’ Poppy soothed, running a hand across his bronze back. ‘I know. We will do everything to find her. But you need to come with me. You’ can’t help find her if you’ve collapsed with exhaustion.’

As much as Kenji hated to admit it, she had a point and the fatigue hit him as he struggled to his feet, allowing her to lead him away.

His phone chimed loudly, sending Kenji screeching back to the present and a glance at the brightly illuminated screen revealed a text message from Dax. 

Found the perp from the homicide. Sending the coordinates now.  

In an instant, he had grabbed his jacket and exited the building, fingers tapping out a quick reply.

On my way. 

A few weeks earlier there had been a murder of four of the city's biggest business tycoons after their embezzlement scandal that had put hundreds of employees out of a job, was uncovered. When the authorities had finally broken into their luxurious villas to arrest them, all the men were found dead, heads separated from their bodies by a few metres of space. One by one more of the city’s corrupt leaders and citizens were found dead in their homes after evidence of their deceit was exposed. 

The killer had executed their dark task with maximum prejudice and violence and when traces of Prism energy had been detected on the latest crime scene the police departments had immediately enlisted Talos on the case. Up till now, they had had no solid leads and law enfacement was reduced to grasping at straws, stray comments on online forums, scouring for hidden codes in text messages.  When the media discovered this, they'd a field day with the information, spinning tall tales of events that never happened, striking fear into the hearts of the citizens, awarding the menace a moniker of The Phantom. 

Kenji had been the murderer’s tail for over almost three weeks now but each time he got close they seemed to evade his reach. This was the strongest lead the team had ever picked up. If the information was held, he was close, so close to catching the bastard he could taste it on his tongue. 

He was not letting them get away this time. 

Touching the ear piece on the left side of his head, Kenji frowned, skeptically eyeing the decrepit steel warehouse before him. 'Dax you sure this is the place?'

The cool night air grazed his bronze form as he stared at the line of abandoned buildings at the docks edge, their silhouettes illuminated by the light of the pale full moon. The entire scene was eerily quiet save for water rippling gently against the jetties. A blueish hologram of the bushy haired lab assistant flickered up from the device on his bronze wrist. 

'About 87% sure Talos. Prism energy here is at an all time high here, too high for any Liquid Prism user and the readings only match perfectly with the ones of the crime scene.’ 

‘Huh..’ Kenji heard Poppy say. 'If I didn’t know any better I’d say it was..’

‘Focus Poppy!’ Dax snapped. 'We have a murderer to catch.'

Kenji grunted in response. 'That's good enough for me. I'm going in.'

'Be careful Kenji.' Poppy's voice was thick with worry. 

Brushing her words aside, he made for the building, ready to finally bring justice to the madman who had terrorised the city. 

The main door to the structure was padlocked with chains but Kenji located a small side door and pushed it open, wincing as the hinges creak loudly. Moonlight splintered through the steel plated walls and cracked window panes, illuminating the dust warehouse floor littered with haphazardly stacked wooden boxes and large misshapen pieces of metal. Kenji's foot brushed a pile of rusty chains and he winced as a metallic clink echoed through the building. Rounding a wall of boxes, he was about to abandon the search before he saw a pale stream of moonlight entering through the open skylight. 

A lone figure knelt in the square of light on lowest floor of the warehouse, a head of dark hair bowed, hands clenching in tight fists resting on bent knees. 

At the sight, cold anger swelled up inside Kenji, tickling the back of his throat and flooding his sinuses and he struggled to fathom how a maniac who had killed at least a dozen people in cold blood could sit to calmly so peacefully like that, with the knowledge that they had taken life from other human beings. Sure the victims had’t been completely innocent, he might almost go so far as to say they deserved it. Almost. 

While Kenji spared no drop of empathy for those businessman and media moguls who had been killed, his firm grip on morality reminded him that they had been human beings, like everyone else and there was no excuse for the violence that had brought them to their end.  

Gritted his teeth, Kenji wound up for a punch, his right arm morphing into a hammer-like appendage - an ability he’d developed during the last year to transform any part of his bronze form into an object he projected from his mind. Pure rage seethed through him and his muscles tensed to coordinate for the perfect surprise attack. He poised to leap out from his hiding place behind a wall of boxes, his brain already beginning the process of coordinating an ambush when a stray puff of wind rippled through the warehouse, gently shifting the greasy hair covering the killer’s face. Recognition jolted through him and Kenji willed himself to reverse the motion, his body fighting to stabilise as two opposing actions collided, throwing him off balance towards the floor. 

Her face. It was a face he knew, eyes he recognised, lips he’d kissed and caressed so lovingly.  

Alexa. 

Her name echoed in his mind with a new meaning almost as if her physical presence shook him out of the trance he had been in for the last 12 months. In that time Kenji’d pictured this encounter a thousand times, imagined each possible way it could play out in every moment waking or sleeping. He was too surprised to be angry, the adrenaline coursing through his veins temporarily keeping all the vast spectrum of emotions her presence had trigged at bay for now at least. His breath caught in his throat, a thousand questions swirling in his head. 

How did she survive? Where had she been all this time? Why didn’t she come back to the lab? What was she doing in this place? 

Unsure of what to say, Kenji hesitantly inched his way towards her, not caring to conceal the sounds his footsteps made against the dusty floor. Her eyes were downcast, and she did not make any move to acknowledge his presence. Only when he was a few metres away, did he dare to address her hesitantly. 

‘Alexa.'

Her name sounded so foreign on his tongue after a year of unease almost as if he had forgotten to how to pronounce it. 

‘WHAT?!?’ His friends voices overlapped as they shrieked their resulting surprise in his ear. With her gaze trained steadily on the floor beneath her, she snapped an arm up in his direction, fingers splayed outward, palm facing him as sparks of pink energy flickering dangerously between her digits. Kenji immediately froze, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. 

‘I’m not gonna hurt you. I just want to talk.' 

Ignoring Dax and Poppy’s screeches of protest, he flipped the tiny switch on the earpiece, severing the connection. 

‘Just you and me. A-Are you okay?’ He asked, punctuating the question with a tentative step forward. She ignored his question and though her arm remained outstretched, pink lightning vanished. 

‘I’m gonna come closer now okay?,’ he told her, fighting to keep his voice even. When she made no move, he took a few steps closer to her kneeling figure. 

In this unstable state, Kenji had no idea what she would do and the last thing he wanted was to scare her off. Now that he was closer, he could see through her greasy strands of hair to the blue brown eyes underneath still fixated on the spot on the floor. The light from the full moon was sufficient enough to bring his attention to her familiar black suit now riddled with rips and what he suspected to be burn marks, judging from the angry raw flesh underneath. Static streaks of pink lightning sparked across her skin in wild unpredictable patterns, almost seeming to flow from within her person. 

Closer still and he could see the deep purple crescents under her eyes and his stomach dropped. Alexa’s true birth right as an alien was no secret to him, she’d confided in him about the real reason behind her enhanced endurance and capabilities. She was a strong woman and her powers only fortified her iron will and stubborn persistence. For her to end up here like this, so battered and ravaged, Kenji shuddered to think of the horrors she might have faced in the last year in whatever alien realm or cosmic continent she had disappeared to.  

He shivered at the weight of this thought and it took a physical effort for him to remove all such concerns, at least temporarily. Right now she needed him, she needed her friend, someone he could trust and Kenji cast aside his bronze form, the metal rippling back to expose his human flesh. A tiny voice warned him against doing so, issuing a tugging reminder of his original mission, about the murderer he was meant to be tracking but he forcefully silenced the thought. 

The one and only thing that mattered now was Alexa.  

Crouching down to her level, he was close enough to touch her now, barely an arm's distance away. As much as his hands screamed to touch her, to hold her, tell her it was ok, he fought against the instinct, partially in the interest of self preservation,  if he was being honest with himself. Even as Talos, he had barely been a match for her when she’d first discovered her powers and now Kenji shuddered to think what devastation Alexa could achieve with these newfound abilities. The bubbling sensation in his gut told him that it wouldn’t take much more than one hit from her pink lightning to knock him out. It was paramount that he did nothing to antagonising her in this fractured state. He had no idea what state her mind was in right now and could only imagine the fear and uncertainty she must be feeling. One false move on his part could scare her away and he’d lose her all over again. 

‘Alexa,’ Kenji gulped before beginning tentatively. ‘Alexa, you have to come with me. It's not safe here.’ 

She continued to stare at a crack in the concrete undeterred by his request. If it wasn’t for the twitch of her mouth, he’d assume she was ignoring him. 

Kenji tried again, becoming more and more aware of how exposed their position was and if anyone was lurking to attack they’d have a clear shot at them. He needed to persuade Alexa to leave or at least move to a more sheltered area. 

'There’s a murderer on the loose… they've killed over a dozen people and they could-‘  

'Murderer hmm? That's what they’re calling me now?’ 

Her voice was low and cracked almost as if she hadn’t used it in the entire year she’d been away. Or rather, Kenji realised, she’d used it too much, running it ragged from screaming until it escaped her in a rough croak. Her tone, however, was unmistakable, bordering somewhere between vague disinterest and amusement and the way she emphasised murderer was enough to made him bristle visibly. Why was it that word that broke her out of her trance? What was it about the word that suddenly prompted her to acknowledge him? 

'Alexa what do you mean?’ Kenji questioned, not comprehending her meaning. 'No one’s called you a murderer? Silas’ death was not your fault.' 

She raised her head at the remark. Her stormy eyes stared blankly into his, looking at Kenji for the first time in a year. He marvelled again at the unique combination of green and brown in her irises, one of the first things he’d noticed about her. Her gaze now was obstructed partially by the grimy strands of black hanging limply from her scalp but the look held within was unmistakable.

'A-Alexa?’ He stammered, as the neurons in his brain kicked into overdrive, scrambling to put together the pieces as a surge of doubt rose up in his chest welled up.   

Kenji shook his head violently as if the very action could expel the notion from his mind and undo the countless atrocities she was alluding to have committed. He refused to admit it. 

Because it just wasn’t true! 

This was Alexa he was talking to. His Alexa. 

The thought stunned him. He’d never called her that, never once in his mind or out loud and certainly not to her face. While the thought prompted feelings of tenderness and nostalgia, Kenji found it hard to stomach either of the as he frantically searched her eyes for some remorse, a shred of regret, anything to reassure him that he’d read it wrong, that actually it wasn’t her after all, it was an accident, she hadn’t meant to do it. It was all a misunderstanding because she wasn’t a murderer, she just couldn’t be. He felt sick to the stomach instantly. 

A deeper horror replaced the initial shock as Kenji watched Alexa’s left eyebrow lifted ever so slightly, throwing out a challenge in the subtle move, daring him to think differently. 

She’d done it. She’d killed those people. 

She was the murderer.

It seemed to press on his chest, constricting his lungs until his breath came out in haggard gasps. Kenji didn’t know what was worse, the fact that she’d done it or that she was proud of what she’d done. He struggled to keep his composure to keep himself from shouting, from grabbing her to yell why, how could she have done this? 

His face must have betrayed him because Alexa's lips had just begun to curl up into a terrifying smile almost as if she was taking pleasure in watching him squirm. The muscles of her jaw unclenched in preparation to speak when-

BEEP BEEP

Both sets of eyes flew immediately to the communications device on his wrist where the blue hologram of Poppy began to take form. Her voice flowed in through Kenji’s earpiece and he cursed once, realising Dax must have had deliberately reactivated their comm line. 

'Sorry to interrupt Talos.’ His friend's tone was apologetic and one glance at Alexa told him that she was using her super hearing to listen in on the conversation. 

His gaze focused once more on the hologram and his friend's dishevelled appearance before he realised something must have been very wrong for Poppy Patel to be wearing torn clothes. 

'There's been another attack on the nano science labs here at Prescott Industries,’ her voice was shaky as she spoke. 'I know you’re in the middle of something important but they’ve got guns and are all enhanced on Liquid Prism.' 

Poppy’s voices took on a desperate tone now. 'There are seven of them and they’ve got Dax and the other scientists locked away in the simulation room. I don’t know where Grayson or Eva are but I managed to get out and get to the lab. Please Kenji! We need yo-'

Poppy’s blue silhouette fizzled once before disappearing as the feed cut out. Kenji leapt to up, adrenaline coursing through him as his eyes flew across the room, searching for the nearest exit, scrambling to calculate how quickly he could get to his friends. 

In a heartbeat, Alexa was on her feet next to him, her voice leaden as she stated. ‘I’m coming with you.’

‘No way!' Kenji protested, looking at her as if she was out of her mind. After what she had just revealed to him, there was no way in hell he’d allow her to come along. 'Thats not an option. Not in your current state.’ 

She ignored his protest, glaring ahead, her face devoid of emotion. 'They must be purged. The only way is to eliminate them. Permanently.’ 

‘What?’ He snapped, whirling around to look at her. For a brief moment he thought she was playing a cruel joke on him but one look at her stony expression put that thought to rest. 

'Alexa do you even hear yourself?’ He questioned, refusing to believe what he had just heard. 'You’re not actually suggesting to kill them are you?'

'What other option is there?' 

Her suggestion burned in his ears as Kenji stared at her in horror. The way she said it made the idea seem so simple, as if it was a casual comment or remark. He could never imagine such words to come from the Alexa he’d known. She’d never trivialise something as important as peoples lives, no matter who or what they had done.

'They don’t deserve to live.’ He heard her say, her voice echoing hollowly through the empty warehouse. 

She couldn’t do this, he wouldn’t let her. He wouldn’t standby and watch as she murdered more people. That alone was enough to break him out of the trance her words had trapped in and he finally found his voice. 

'Maybe not but its not up to you to decide that,’ he pleaded, hoping, praying that she would come to her senses. 

Alexa scoffed bitterly, settled her stormy grey gaze on him. ‘Everyone has their vices, darling, at least mine do some damn good around here.’ 

‘Vices?’ Kenji gasped raggedly, shocked that such words could come from his friend, the woman he deeply cared for. ‘Arrogance is a vice, drinking too much is a vice. Killing people isn’t a vice Alexa! I don’t care what you've done, no hero should ever—’

Her voice was as sharp as steel, silencing him, cutting through his protests with frightening precision. ‘Well there’s your first mistake. Who ever said I wanted to be a hero?’

That voice cut Kenji to his core, like a diamond knife heated precisely, deliberately to the melting point of bronze stabbed into his chest to its intended destination, his heart and he recoiled from it as if she’d physically struck him. Memories of times shared with her came flooding back through the chaos churning inside him. Alexa couldn’t have forgotten. Even if she didn’t want to remember, he did and he be damned if he failed to convince her otherwise. 

‘You did Alexa! You said that yourself! You used to save people. That's what heroes do. What you did! You saved us all from Silas last year and-

‘Look how that turned out,’ she hissed, her face morphing into an ugly sneer so intense that Kenji actually took a step away from her. 

Despite her protests, Kenji still believe that the woman he loved was there. She had to be there. She just needed to be reminded of who she was.

'Come home with me Alexa. Come home please! We can sort this out. I know we can!' As Kenji said this he placed a hand on her arm, touching her for the first time. 

Faster than lightning, her arm shot out against his chest, shoving him hard and his reflexes barely had time to summon his bronze form before his body hit the warehouse wall, hard. Kenji could taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth, his vision swimming, barely able to register Alexa's dark figure standing over him.  

'Don't you see?’ She snarled, her voice rising over the ringing in his ears. 'I did go home! And all they did was make me into a monster. There's so much you don’t understand, so much I’ve done. There’s no going back for me now.’ 

Before Alexa could walk away, Kenji latched on to her leg, pouring all his strength into the grip, even though he knew he couldn’t hold her back. ‘Alexa, please you don’t believe that. You can’t believe that. Please.' 

'Let me go Katsaros. Before you make me do something you'll regret,’ she spat venomously. 

Kenji’s sharp intake of breath could be hear throughout the warehouse when she said his name. 

'Then do it!' He pleaded, voice high in desperation. 'I don’t care what happens to me if it will bring you back. The city needs you back! Your friends Grayson, Dax, Eva, Poppy they were all looking for you everyone was looking for you. I just need you back Alexa.’ 

His legs swayed against empty air as she seemed to rise above him and he tightened his grip on her leg as she began to hover higher and higher, passing through the open skylight.    

'The Alexa you knew is not coming back,’ she informed him coldly as their altitude increased until the entire city sprawled out below them. 'She died when Silas blasted her into oblivion. You’re nothing but a fool chasing a fantasy.' 

Kenji’s hold faltered slightly and his muscles burned, using all his energy to clutch her leg.‘No! I refuse to believe that. My Alexa is still in there. If that makes me a fool so be it!' He declared before his breath caught and he choked out the next words. 'I love you so much, I'd be willing to die for you.'

Alexa halted their ascent, her piercing stare cutting through whatever resolve he had left. Of all the weapons she’d attacked him with, her silence, her blatant refusal to speak was the most violent. 

At this, something inside Kenji just… broke…

It was unspeakable torture to look into the eyes of the woman you had confessed your love for and find nothing but cold distaste and repulsion. His arms screamed as he struggled to keep his grip, trying to find some purchase, some reassurance to fortify his convictions but there was none. Space had chewed up the woman he loved, disgorging this cold-hearted, malevolent creature in her place instead.  

Even as he fell, Kenji's eyes remained on her retreating figure. Without so much as a second glance, the Phantom soared upwards, disappearing into the night. She wasn’t his to claim, never was and from the last look in her eyes, she never would be. 

She truly was an alien to him now... 

[zachwritesstuff]

Digimon Adventure Tri: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

I’ve been a fan of Digimon ever since I was 11, back in 2001. Though I’ve had a rocky relationship with it, I’ve always admitted myself as a fan of those weird little monsters and their wacky adventures.

It’s why I was so excited by the announcement of Digimon Adventure Tri. One of my favorite seasons was, of course, the first, and I was excited to see what they could do with these characters in a more modern setting, with them a bit older and tastes and themes in anime having changed since the heyday of the monster partner genre. Heck, I was even excited by the rumors (that ended up being true) that the season 2 characters would have very little involvement in the plot. I had long stated that Season 2 was my least favorite season, so that felt like the icing on the cake for a great show.

Having recently finished the last movie, and hearing the news of more on the way, I have to say that my view on this revitalization experiment is not as shiny and bright. While I will say it was an interesting thing to watch, especially after such a long time, it was hard to say if it was good or not. So I’m going to go over some positive and negative aspects I found over the several years it took for this entire series to come out.

By the way, as this will be talking about this series as a whole, there will be spoilers

The Good

1.  It was good to see them again

Let’s get that out of the way real quick. Despite overall problems I had with this series, I will admit that the fanboy in me did really like seeing new material with these characters I loved as a kid. Hell, I even kind of enjoyed their appearances in Digimon Xros Wars, even if that was the most pure pandering of all time.

I also liked their updated look, even though it was a bit controversial that they moved away from the classic big head/hands/feet look from the old shows. It helped deliver the message that they were maturing and would be presenting a different kind of story from the original. But with the original voice actors of the Digimon returning to join a brand new cast, it at also said that it wasn’t going to stray too far from the original. Different but not too different. It could work… Right?

But while we’re talking about the characters, let’s talk about…

2. Character Growth

With the maturing characters, they couldn’t really be the same precocious children anymore. It would seem weird to have this people in their teens acting like 10-12 year olds still. So they had to grow up in some way, and to the credit of the writer’s, much of it felt very sensible.

I think the strongest among them is probably Tai. It makes the most sense, as he is the main character. Whereas he was formerly headstrong and first to enter action before, by Tri, he had become more level headed and questioned his motivation a lot more. This made the series a bit more interesting, as it helped give depth to his decisions and not make it as cliche and repetitive that Digimon tended to be sometimes.

Along with Tai, characters like Izzy, Joe, Mimi and Sora also expanded emotionally, though theirs is a little less obvious. Izzy and Joe are shown to be studying and working in their fields a lot more heavily, while Sora is opening up more and Mimi is becoming more of a headstrong leading type. Unfortunately, since Digimon has always had problems with letting specific characters shines, their character advancement didn’t get much notice, and they weren’t given much room to stretch. Because of this, we only got bits and pieces of who they had become after a few years of development.

The ones that came off the worst of the original crew were probably Matt, TK and Kari. Not to say that they didn’t also advance a bit, but they probably had the least of all. Matt still was cool, and was just now older and cooler. TK seemed like he was supposed to be an auxiliary leader of the group, but with Tai and Matt taking most of the leadership positions, he was left with nothing much to do. And Kari, well… I think she said maybe 20 words in the first couple of movies, and mostly stood around and smiled. For a long time, it seemed like she would get no development, but she did finally get some storylines after what felt like forever. Which leads me to my next point…

3. Kari’s Importance

Kari has always been my favorite character of the Digimon series. She came during my favorite arc of the original season, and her character felt a bit different from the other known female characters, who were the archetype Girly Girl and Tomboy. She had weaknesses in her often recurring sickness (always unnamed), but it was soon revealed that she had a deeper connection to the plot, and possibly even revealing a much more perplexing story behind the Digital World and what it might hide.

Then… Nothing happened after season 1. They hinted at her connection to the Digital World during Season 2, including the introduction of the Dark Ocean involving her, but through the rest of the series, she just ends up being fodder for Davis’ crush and generally just being Another Character.

That’s why I was glad to see them actually touch on it. They didn’t go too deeply, but they showed that not only did she have a much stronger tie with the Digital World and Digimon, but she also might be able to go beyond, to communicate with Digmon in limbo and help those that might need help. I really do hope that they continue to dive into it and bring her whole deal to a head in future material. And speaking of future…

The Bad

1. Season 2’s Epilogue

This is honestly a little hard for me to think about, and it won’t be the only time in this article I talk about it. So let’s get it out of the way: I, like pretty much every fan in the Digimon fandom, hate the final Epilogue scene to season 2. It made no sense, it gave random jobs to people that didn’t fit their personality, and basically threw an active grenade into the whole shipping side of the show, making that a basically banned subject if you talk to any fan of the series. So when, at first, it seemed like it was going to retcon all of the epilogue, I was over the moon.

But just like epilogue itself, they give hints to it at the very, very end of the last movie. They talk about Matt’s desire for space, TK is now writing journals of his adventures and Tai’s change in career focus. Despite everything fans have said about it, they are going to stick to their guns, and justify the dumb as hell ending they made.

And you know what? I can respect that. They introduced that bit of canon, and for better or worse, they’re going to stick to it. They’re going to try as hard as they can to try and make sense of what was set forth for these kids future, even if it does seem like an impossible task. A really impossible task, to be perfectly honest…

Okay but seriously, they really wanted to try to justify this? It’s basically like badly written fanfiction. Everyone in the world has a Digimon, Matt is an astronaut, Davis has a ramen stand, Mimi has a cooking show, it feels like a madlib. Even the little hints they put in at the end of Digimon Tri felt like more like a mandate than an actual attempt to be inclusive to the original canon.

And if we are going to talk about the consistency, than you have to really wonder about the things they now have to retcon INTO the epilogue. Namely, Mei, and this whole Digimon shadow government organization. Where do they factor into this idealistic future? Sorry, I’m ranting a bit, but it felt like a big misstep that they could have easily written out with little argument, and yet they felt the need to include it. Hell, they didn’t even physically show the characters of Season 2, and yet they still feel the need to bring back the worst part of that season? It’s just dumb, though to be completely fair, that might just be my own disdain coloring my thoughts.

To be fair, it can work, and I would even be okay with them going in the middle almost, keeping some of the general ideas from the epilogue, but coloring them in a more realistic fashion. I think the big problem myself and many people had with it was how it was presented. It was basically bullet points that were presented without any context. If they do decide to delve deeper, I’m hoping that at the very least, they try to connect it to their characters and modernize it a little bit (I.E. making Mimi more of a media mogul than just a Cooking Show host, make Davis more of an entrepreneur than just a guy with a Ramen Cart). I don’t like it, but if it must be there, at least make it sensible, right?

2. Season 2 characters

So as you can probably infer from above, I don’t hold the second season of Digimon Adventure in the highest regard. The characters are no exception. But Jesus Christ, not even I would have treated them as piss poor as Digimon Tri did. Not only did they not even appear as actual characters, they didn’t even bother to update their appearances! I went and looked back at the scene, and as noted in the appearance section of their wiki entries, their silhouettes are basically just wearing clothes they wore in the past (It’s even noted that Davis is wearing his square goggles from the pilot of Digimon 02). They are then barely mentioned until the last two movies, where they are simply props to fuel how evil and twisted the villain is. Never once are they seen as more than shadowy figures, and the fact that they even lived at the end is a couple of lines in the last five minutes.

Now while I don’t love these guys, I do think that this series of movies was their chance to do SOMETHING with them. Either delve into their characters deeper and separate them from the carbon copies of S1 characters, like they were, or turn into the skid and really have fun with people’s perception of them,much like how Dragon Ball Kai and Super did with Yamcha. They could have really done some cool things with this group, but instead, they basically act like they don’t exist until they’re needed as objects to further the plot

Hell, from here, they could even introduce an interesting plot, on how they were literally gone for weeks, maybe months, yet none of the main 8 characters seemed to care that they were near death somewhere in the Digital World. That could make for an interesting dynamic between them, and even play into a meta competition between Season 1 and Season 2. But, deep down, I know that all of those ideas are just fever dreams, and most likely, any further material will continue to leave them in the background.

3. Some Adult Situations May Apply

When I was told that the Director of these films also directed School Days and one of the Persona 3 films, it was one of the least surprising thing I had ever heard. For a series who’s whole deal is being a “kids with monster friends” show, it does not feel like it was made for that demographic at all!

I can understand wanting to gear it towards an older audience. It makes perfect sense, actually. The people who grew up with the original Digimon Adventure were now adults, so wanting to make something for their sensibilities seems like the most obvious decision. No problem at all!

But it really is only good on paper. Looking at the history of kid focused shows being transitioned to older focused shows paints a rather different, and more ugly, picture. You get the likes of Ren & Stimpy’s Adult Party Cartoon, or more recently, the absolutely atrocious showing of DC’s Titans, based on the popular Teen Titans series (note: as of this writing, only the first preview has come out, so there is still time to save it, even if it looks unlikely). True, there have been some good shows made from kids properties, like Space Ghost Coast 2 Coast and Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law, but it comes with the caveat of those shows having nothing to do with what they were originally based on.

On the subject of Digimon, it seemed like they were less interested in making a Digimon movie and more interested in making a Persona movie, even down to the final monster being a giant nude angel beast who’s butt is prominently featured on most of it’s shots. Add in the scenes of Tai heavily injured and covered in blood, and multiple characters either dying or going mad with grief, and you basically have the David Lynch student film that is Digimon Tri.

I think the biggest question is… Why? There was absolutely no need to get this grimdark with it. The people who grew up with Digimon enjoyed it for it’s values in friendship and teamwork, in the world building of this fascinating patchwork world, and in these characters growing up and learning. And especially in an age where streaming services allow for modern audiences to go back and watch the original whenever they want, it seems weirdly outdated to think that they would need to make it more “cool and mature” for the original fans.

I could go on and on about this, but really, I’m just hoping they learn that changing the tone of the story is not necessary. We love the characters, and we want to see them grow and prosper, not suffer needlessly.

The Ugly

1. The Grown Ups

Boy oh boy, was I not a fan of these two. Two government agents at the Incorporate Administrative Industry (I had to look it up because it’s barely mentioned by name), Maki and Daigo are the two exposition machines of this series of films. They try very, very hard to make these two likeable, but it just comes out completely flat and uninspired. Worse, their misguided development takes away screen time from more deserving characters, like Joe, Izzy, TK and Kari.

Their motivations seemed to just be “We’re the government and we gotta stop Digimon”, and they hint at a deeper motive for them. But the hints are extremely vague, to the point where it seems like they didn’t actually know what they were going to do with them in the first few movies. It wasn’t even until the second to last where we learned that, surprise, they’re two of the original Digidestined! And they’re trying to find their old Digimon! Or Something! I’m actually not sure at all…

Then you get to the last movie, and they’re just… removed. Maki is seen wandering off into the Dark Ocean, and Daigo makes a Heroic Sacrifice to save Tai and everyone else. It feels like it should be very deep and moving, but I found myself not caring much because there was never anything to really draw me into either of them. There were fun moments here and there, but never anything an audience could connect or relate to beyond “These two knew each other growing up and dated a little bit.” Though you can’t blame that all on just the general story....

2. The Movie Format, Animation, and the Big Bad(s?)

Pretty much every review of Digimon Adventure Tri has touched on this, so I won’t get too deep into it. Needless to say, releasing this story as 6 movies hurt it immensely. It caused the story, the character development, the tones, to all feel disjointed and hard to follow, especially with the long wait times between each of them. They were released over 4 damn years, and even as a diehard fan, I found myself struggling to even remember what happened in past installments.

Of course, part of their plan with having the big gaps was to continually renew interest, causing people to want to go back and rewatch the past movies, or purchase them when they came out on dvd/blu-ray. And this would have worked, if it weren’t for the fact that these movies aren’t, well… Really well made.

The animation wasn’t awful, let’s get that out of the way. But it was very inconsistent, and you can tell where corners were cut to save money. It’s no more obvious than in the opening, where half of it had fantastic animation, while the other half looked like a fan film made in Flash.

All the disjointedness and inconsistent flow didn’t help the antagonists of the films either. It became extremely hard to tell who was good and who was bad at times. Was it Meicoomon, who had this deadly virus in her that was going to destroy both worlds? Was it Homeostasis, who wants to reset the Digital World, effectively wiping everything out? Was it Dark Gennai and the who King Drasil group, who want to just cause chaos? I’m pretty sure ends up really being them, but it’s not really mentioned until after everything’s taken care of. And if King Drasil is really the Big Bad person he’s supposed to be, than why was he defeated off school, during a time skip? It’s hard to really figure out who the baddie is when most of the final movie is taken up by Ms. Big Butt Angel Demon.

Which brings me to my final, and biggest, problem with Digimon Adventure Tri.

3. Mei and Meicoomon

These two are a waste of space, and the perfect definition of a Whipping Boy type character. She is not introduced to be particularly strong or special. Her entire purpose seems to be to fulfill two things: To suffer in place of the main characters, and to be a love interest to Tai since Sora marries Matt in the future. She is shown to be meek and unassuming, not talking much and acting shy around other people. At first, things aren’t so bad. Her interactions with Mimi helping her come out of her shell starts to establish a good character arc for her, and it seems like she is organically going to become a part of the group. But then Meicoomon ruins the fun.

Meicoomon is her cat Digimon, based off the Maine Coon. 70% of Meicoomon’s dialogue is her yelling “Mei!” I would tell your more about Meicoomon’s character, but that is it. She exists, then she becomes evil and has to be defeated, while Mei cries for four movies over the fact that Meicoomon is evil. That’s basically the long and short of it. By the end of the second movie, Mei is catatonic, and Meicoomon is a glitch monster who is destroying everything. The end.

What makes it even worse is the fact that, even by Digimon’s standards, her story isn’t that original! It’s basically just a reworked version of Wallace/Willis and Kokomon from the Digimon Hurricane Touchdown movie (third section of Digimon: The Movie in America), of a kid who’s Digimon friend becomes corrupted, and they are forced to destroy them to stop them. The only difference being that Wallace had two Digimon, and his story was over in 1 movie, while Mei’s dragged on for six of them.

All in all, I think that there is still potential for some good Digimon productions, both for Adventure and other continuities. The films seemed to do alright in the limited box office run in Japan, and they were popular enough to warrant another movie being made (which was announced in the middle of writing this). I’m hoping that does better, but I also hope that it’s the final send off for these characters. Two seasons and a handful of movies is enough for them, let’s give another cast a shot!

Also I still hold out hope for a Digimon Tamers continuation. One can dream~

[gazeboeddiespaghetti]

Panic Attack! At The Quarry Pt 2

Part One

Title: Panic Attack! At The Quarry only bad puns here y’all

Fandom: IT (taking elements from both the book and 2017 movie)

Ship(s): Reddie, billverly, Stanlon,

Tags/Warnings: none for this chapter 

Summary: It has been two years since the summer of IT, but some demons still chase the Losers. Eddie still can’t shake his inhaler, Bill’s stutter is worse in Summer, Stan still can’t talk about his bar mitzvah. Mike still can’t go to the water’s edge alone, Beverly feels phantom touches if her hair is past her shoulders, Richie refuses to play loogie anymore, Ben avoids bridges if possible, yet somehow, in all of this there is healing and love and friendship.

Reddie centric (for now. Who knows, this might turn into something of a series? It was suppose to be two pages you guys.)

Tagging: @star-light30 @beepbeep-losers

Eddie had been holding his fanny pack when he went over the cliff, but lost it during the fall, along with whatever calm he had left inside him; and while he knew he would hit the water and be fine, maybe a little harder than usual but not by much, he couldn’t stop screaming the whole way down. He fell in the water head first, still screaming. He struggled break the water’s surface but now he was panicked and his body wasn’t listening to his head, his arms and legs useless as they allowed him to simply sink down. He was sure he was going to die in this pathetic way,all because his fight or flight reflex decided floating in any form wasn’t acceptable, when he felt the water wave around him then arms surround his middle.

Richie pulled Eddie out and onto the rocks, panting as he looked the boy over. Eddie was gasping for air, choking on water and air and fear.

It only took a few moments for the others to notice that something was wrong and soon there were five dripping bodies surrounding Richie and Eddie as Eddie struggled for air. He gasped out, fingers fisting together and releasing and fisting together in an endless cycle at Richie’s wrist, “I-In- fuck.. My inhal…” he managed to get out, even though his logical brain pointed out that he didn’t need it.

“W-wheres your fa-fanny pack?” Bill asks, kneeling beside the two boys. Mike, Beverly, and Ben turn and look at the ground as Stan frowns, face twisted with concerned, “I think he left it on the cliff.”

“Drop…” shaky inhale, labored exhale. He feels Richie’s hand on the back of his neck, he closes his eyes and leans into it slightly, “Dropped it… the fall…”

Bev curses at this, and Mike mumbles something that Eddie can’t hear over his own breathing but it earns him a glare from everyone and an elbow from Stan. Eddie feels Richie tense up beside him and this sends a whole new wave of panic to run through him. He wheezes.

“I-I can go get S-Silver and rid-ride to the ph-pharmacy.” Bill says and beside him Ben nods, a little too eager.

“Just like the day we met,” Ben adds softly, encouraging

“No. He’s fine.” Richie says, stopping Bill in his tracks as he starts to make his way up the cliff. Eddie turns, giving Richie a pathetic smack to his chest.

“I..beg.. Your-” Eddie is cut off, and he whimpers when a voice overpowers his own.

“You’re fine, Eddie. I promise you that you are fine. You just need to fucking breathe.” Richie says, voice much too serious.

“Richie….” Bev says, softly, and there is a warning in her voice that makes Eddie shiver.

“He’s fine, Beverly. I’ve got him, ok? You all go swim and I’ll-”

“If...If I die.. I’ll kill you… you..-” Eddie says between wheezing

“Eddie, look at me. Look at me,” Richie cups Eddie’s cheek in his hand and gently forces his head to the side until they’re eye-to-eye, “I’m really sorry I pushed you into the river but you do not have asthma. Ok? You need to remember you don’t have asthma and just breathe for me, ok?”

“I don’t think it’s that easy for him….” Stan says, softly and matter-of-factly, eyes trained on Richie.

“Just- please, guys. If it doesn't let up I’ll fucking carry him to the pharmacy myself, ok? But you all need to back the fuck up and just go swim. I’ve. Got. This.” Richie is clearly talking to the group, but his eyes stay on Eddie’s face, eyebrows drawn together and he only borrows a glance their way for a moment.

There is a long pause in which the only sounds are the lapping water from the river and Eddie’s labored breathing. Finally, Bill speaks, slow and calm, “You sure about this,” another pause, as he swallows, “Richie?”

“I hate when you make things too important to fucking stutter over it,” Richie says back, not unkindly, followed by, “I’m sure. I’ve got this.”

.....

“You’re…. You’re going.. To… kill… me.” Eddie says, hand shaking as he reaches for the place where his fanny pack would usually lay. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice calls him weak and his lungs close up a little more.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Eds,” Richie says, shifting so he was sitting even closer to Eddie. Bill’s question rings in his head but he pushes it away because he knew Eddie, maybe better than anyone, and he knew how fucking strong the shorter boy was and he knew that if he would only get him to listen him long enough to breathe that everything would be ok. He moves some wet hair from Eddie’s face, smiling at him a little, “Come on now, you’re just going to let me get away with calling you that? Getting soft on me, Eddie Spaghetti?”

“Can’t…. Breathe… yo-you.. Asshole….” Eddie says, and he wants to cry but can’t. His lungs feel like they are on fire.

“No one ever taught you how?” Richie jokes, but it sounds empty, and even almost cruel even to his own ears. He sighs softly when it gets no response and he shifts even closer to Eddie now, one hand coming up in rest on Eddie’s bare chest. He can feel the boy struggling to make his body work under his the skin and it makes his own chest heavy. “I know how hard this-” He shakes his head, corrects himself. He recalls when Ben showed him where in the library to find books about breathing exercises and getting frustrated only a few chapters into the second one. He curses himself now, himself but also the knowingly way Ben had looked at him when he walked Richie down the aisles until they arrived to the right section.

“Ok, so I don’t know. Ok? I don’t know how hard this is or how this must feel for you, Eddie. I have no fucking idea. But I can imagine it and I’m so sorry, but this isn’t real. You need to-” He’s cut off by Eddie’s hand coming up to his face, covering his mouth and nose and Richie gasps in surprise. Then he gasps for air, but Eddie’s hand is blocking most of it from entering and Richie feels a burning in his chest. He tries to inhale but can’t.

Richie swears in the next few seconds he is going to die. After another moment that feels like an eternity, Eddie drops his hand and whimpers a little. Richie inhales deeply, mumbling out a curse and fighting his initial urge to push Eddie away and call him an asshole but when he finds Eddie’s eyes, they are wide and so close and utterly terrified that it makes Richie’s chest hurt for a whole new reason.

Eddie’s voice cuts through the space between them, “Feels… l-like.. That… feel like.. That...but...forever…”

Richie curses again, softer this time, and part of him wishes he had let Bill go on ahead to get another light blue inhaler for Eddie, but he pushes the thought away, nodding a little, “Ok, ok, fair enough.”

“But… its.. It's not.. Real.”

“No. It isn’t real.” Richie agrees, “But it also is. You just need to try and relax. You panicked and now you just need to breathe.”

“Easy… for… you...to..say…” Eddie says, but he knows Richie is right. He also knows that no matter how many times he tells- screams- at his lungs to just do their job and his body to stop fucking with him, nothing changes. He starts to feel lightheaded and reaches out for Richie, who comes closer easily and quickly, letting Eddie grab onto his shoulder and side, nails digging into flesh uncomfortably. Eddie drops his head a little, closing his eyes tight as he tried to will his body to behave.

“Eddie, you are the strongest fucking person I know,” Richie says, chuckling softly at Eddie’s whimpered protest, “Shut up, you are. And I’ll even list out the reasons if you want later but right now I need you to get out of your own fucking head and just breathe with me, ok? Just- just try, Eds, please.” It’s how soft and genuine and serious and, mostly, how worried and scared that one word sounded - please- that made Eddie snap his head up to look at Richie. He nods once and Eddie can feel the sigh that escapes Richie’s lips on his cheek.

Richie closes in, impossibly close, and leans his forehead against Eddie’s, his wet curls making Eddie shiver as the hand on his shoulder moves to behind him neck, shaking less now, but still noticeable against Richie’s skin. “Breathe with me, ok? In…. and out….” Richie says, slowing down his breathing, hand pushing Eddie’s chest in gently with every exhale he tried to get the other boy’s body to listen in some small way, “Just like that gross birthing video Mr. Morses showed us in Sex Ed, yeah?” This earns Richie a whimpered chuckle and he beams at that, still breathing slowly and as surely as he could manage. Behind them somewhere, Richie could hear splashing and talking, but he knew the others were still watching as they put on an act of playing.

“There you go,” Richie says after a few moments when he can feel Eddie’s breathing change just slightly. Still labored, still making Richie worry and adding fuel in the fire that was Richie’s hatred of Eddie’s mother, but his inhales were more even now, and Richie smiled, “Chicka Chicka, Boom Boom, Will Eddie’s lungs have enough room?” He jokes, and Eddie opens his eyes at that, frowning.

“I… hate you.” He says, but he was smiling a little and Richie sticks his tongue out, laughing a little when it touches grazes Eddie’s upper lip and makes the shorter boy recoil a little, “Gross…” He rasps out, and Richie rubs Eddie’s back as he laughs harder.

“I’m going to write an actual children’s book, copyright and all, with that title. I’ll get rich off of your pain, little Eds. I’ll be living it up in New York or LA or anywhere but Derry, milking it off of your phantom pains. Then you’ll sue me and all the Losers will have to take sides and it will rip our entire group apart. It’ll be magical, Eds, just you wait.”

“You… have a fucked… imagination..” Eddie responds, eyes closing again as he tries to breathe in rhythm with the flow of Richie’s words. He can feel his head again, but his chest still feels heavy and the changing of Eddie’s breath ghosting on Richie’s lips make something click in him and a silence falls over the two as Richie returns to his slow breathing, trying still to guide Eddie.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few minutes Eddie’s breathing gets worse instead of better and Richie is getting worried, thoughts of bailing and admitting he was wrong, begging Bill to please go ahead and get Eddie his stupid inhaler starting to blossom in his head when Eddie’s voice surprises him, making him jump just a little, “Not… working. This isn’t….”Eddie drops his head a little, forehead falling to Richie’s shoulder now and Richie feels the shaky air on his neck, feels his heart drop and is about ready to pull away when Eddie takes a shaky inhale and counties, “talk. It was… fuck… it was.. Was.. helping when… when you ...were…talking.”

“You’re usually telling me to shut up,” Richie jokes, fingers combing through Eddie’s still damp hair, followed by a softer, “What do you want me to talk about?”

“An-anything… just… spilling non- nonsense.. Is t...the one...thi-thing...you’re…. Good… at.”

“God, you’re stuttering worse than Bill on a full moon,” Richie jokes before letting out a shaky breath and letting his mouth take over. He talked about how much he hated the summer project they were assigned and how he got into his father’s liquor cabinet with Bev when she returned from Portland last winter break and they both had the worst  hangover ever and he told Eddie about how Stan tricked him into bird watching with him the weekend before and how boring it was and how many times Stan snapped at him and he told Eddie about every little thing he could think of, even repeating stories that he knew Eddie knew, a few that he was even there for, and slowly Eddie started to breathe close to normal again.

It took almost 20 minutes after Richie started talking, but finally Eddie felt ok, and he knew that Richie could feel his lungs working again because the taller boy trailed off, his words dying out as his hands kept on playing with Eddie’s hair. Richie places a kiss, ever so lightly to the top of Eddie’s head, making sure Eddie wouldn’t be able to feel it, but from where they were sitting at the water’s edge, both Bev and Stan notice, looking away when Richie spots them. He clears his throat.

At the sound, Eddie tenses before pulling away a little, hands dropping from Richie’s skin. His lungs felt fine now, breathing only a little shaky, but in the place of sheer panic and burning of a moment ago, Eddie now feels embarrassed. He can’t look at Richie, he feels so silly and small and weak.

“I’m sorry-” Eddie says, at the same time that Richie says, “Thank God you didn’t die.” Their words overlap then hang between them. Eddie starts to stand but Richie takes his arm, stopping him.

“You sure you’re ok?”

“There was never anything wrong…” Eddie says, still not looking at Richie. He hates himself, more than a little bit, and he feels an itch to pull away from Richie and run for his house and his bed where he can hide away for a while

“Eds-”

“Don’t call me that!” Eddie fires back on instinct and while he can’t see it, a smile pulls at Richie’s lips at the words, “And I’m breathing fine. You can stop babysitting me now…”

“Eddie…” Richie says, softer than Eddie would like. In fact, thinking it over Richie has been so much softer than Eddie was used to this whole time and instead of making him feel warm, like it usually does, it makes Eddie feel like a fragile child. A whimper leaves his lips without his permission and Richie shushes him, a hand rubbing at Eddie’s arm, “You didn’t answer my question.”

Silence, followed by a defeated sigh.

Eddie wants to tell Richie that he is fine, that it was stupid and they are wasting daylight, to shove Richie away before racing him to the water, but Richie’s hand is still moving up and down Eddie’s arm. The same way Eddie’s hands sometimes worked on Richie’s when he climbed in Eddie’s window at 3 am, hiding from his parents’ drunken negligence, “No. I don’t think I’m ok. But I am better. A little bit. I’m better than I was when I fell in the water, better than I was two years ago. I’m not fucking like critically not ok.”

Richie nods, but doesn’t say anything right away. Behind them, there is a loud splashing followed by Stan cursing and then Beverly and Mike’s laughter fill the air. Eddie turns to look at them and when Ben spots him, he waves, beaming. Eddie waves back.

“Ready to get your asses kicked in Chicken?” Mike shouts their way and Richie looks to Eddie, question in his eyes.

“In a little bit, but be sure to save me a game!” Eddie says back and turns to Richie, smiling at him a little, “You can go ahead, if you want. I promise I’ll be fine.”

“Bullshit,” Richie says, throwing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him closer, “Billy there put me in charge of your heres health, he sure did! I ain't leaving you alone to die in this harsh wilderness all by your lonesome!” Richie says, voice changing, causing Eddie to roll his eyes.

“I hate you, I hate all  your voices, and I was right here, Rich, you are the one who went and took charge of making sure I didn’t die. All on you.” Still, Eddie leans into Richie, side pressed flush against his chest. The skin contact makes Eddie heat up a little.

“You love them, you fucking liar. Besides, there is no way I’m leaving you here when you just admitted to not being ok.” Richie’s voice takes that serious air again and Eddie feels most of the fight inside of him die.

“Can you please just drop it, Richie? It hardly matters.”

A long, comfortable silence falls over them. They stay like that for a few minutes before getting up to join their friends in the water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sky is starting to darken as the Losers all lay out on the rocks, drying off. Stan and Mike were the only ones dressed yet, Stan having brought a towel with him and now the two were laying together, not a whisper of space between them as Mike brings Stanley’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles softly as Stan talks, something soft and quiet and clearly just for Mike. Richie ruins the moment by walking past and ruffling Stan’s hair and Stanley tosses his rolled up swim trunks at him.

Richie catches them and whoops, earning groans from nearly everyone, “Look at this, I’ve got myself a pair of Stanley’s pants, newly wet. I’m the luckiest man alive!”

“Sit down and shut up, Tozier,” Beverly says back, and Richie pouts but listens, tossing the pants at Bev before finding a place next to Eddie on the rocks.

Softly, Richie turns to Eddie, “Is that really what it feels like?” Richie asks, and his question is met with a look of confusion from Eddie, so he goes on, waving his hand out between them, “Before, when you stopped me breathing. Is that really what it feels like for you?”

Eddie swallows hard, biting his lip guiltily before nodding, “I’m sorry for doing that.”

“But that is what it feels like? When you’re having one of your attacks, is that what it feels like?”

Eddie nods again, “Only it’s not a hand. It’s like that without knowing the source.”

“That really fucking sucks.” Richie says, and Eddie doesn’t disagree.

Richie snakes an arm around Eddie’s middle, pulling him close and the smaller boy comes easily, resting his head on his shoulder.

A small silence falls over them again. Richie thinks maybe Eddie fell asleep when suddenly he speaks, and Richie has to bite back a shocked scream, “There’s a word for it.”

“For what?” Richie asks, frowning down at Eddie.

“For….. um, for the kind of not ok I am,” He starts, and sighs. Richie shifts his arm to better look at Eddie as he speaks again, “Psychosomatic,” Eddie breathes out, the word cranking at the end. It feels heavy, to say out loud and he finds his body curling into Richie’s all on its own. 

When he looks at the other boy’s face he finds a puzzled expression. Richie is unnaturally silent against the sounds of  their friends speaking and the crashing waves on the riverbank somewhere behind them. “That’s what it is. It means when you’re not sick but you are. When your body has no illness but you get all the symptoms of being sick. It means- mans in your head. It means crazy.” He is whispering now, voice flat, factual.

Eddie had read all about it after he remembered the time he was in 3rd grade and left the gym red faced with his mother. He had forgotten about it until the day at the pharmacy and then again, this time almost on purpose, until a few months ago. He had gone to the library and took book after book to a hidden corner between the adult and children’s wings. He spend five hours reading about it, hands shaking and lungs useless by the time he left.

He thought there would be a relief in knowing, in having a word and definition for all of it. He was wrong. It made things so much worse, somehow.

He wants to tell Richie all of this, wants to say how he wants to blame his mother but that doing that feels too easy and too mean, that it would mean admitting to failing, in some way. It would mean admitting to falling for her lifetime of lies, even after the lie was exposed.  Instead, he lets out a sigh, resting his forehead against Richie’s shoulder again, where it is warm and safe.

Eddie feels tired, ashamed. Mostly, he feels like he did when he first learned about the falseness of his life, like everything was made out of paper and was on the verge of crumpling. He swallows, “There are people who get so sick- fake sick- that can never leave their house again. That they get send to loony bins or convince themselves they’re dying and then just do it- they crazy themselves to death. I don’t- I don’t feel crazy, Rich. I feel like I’m- I know I’m ok. I saw the test results. My body is fine. But it feels like my lungs are....”

His voice gets a little high pitched and frantic before he trails off, and his throat is sore from all the heaving and the yelling in the water, and the talking. Mostly the talking. He wasn’t use to talking so much. He thinks for a moment how Richie isn’t use to listening this much, that being still is as hard for Richie as breathing is for himself. However, he knows Richie is listening by how Richie’s hand is rubbing his back when his words get heavy, he knows he’s so fully there that it scares Eddie a little. He keeps waiting for a punchline. When none comes he hushes out, “I’m not ready to be crazy. It’s so much easier to have asthma than be a nutter. I- does that make sense? Is that- is that ok, Richie?”

There is a heavy and painful silence  before Richie asks, “Did I ever tell you about why I pushed you that day on the playground?”

“You mean when you fucking shoved me off the swing set into the mud pile below like a jerk?” Eddie asks, confused at the turn of the conversation, and his tone makes Richie laugh a little.

“In my defense, I was 6.”

“Still a jerk move. And I don’t understand what-”

“- shut up. It all connects, I promise. Also, if I had known you were going to cry for a half hour or that I was about to be chewed out by stuttering kindergartener I would have pushed you in the other direction.” Eddie laughs but hits Richie all the same before Richie talks again, quieter this time, “Anyway, that day I was so mad. Stan couldn’t hang out and my dad was too drunk to take me to the park. I threw the biggest tantrum, but my mom just turned the TV up-”

“-God, I just want to slap your parents…” Eddie cuts in, but Richie waves him off.

“Yeah, well, your mom is her own bundle of issues I would like to slap, so just shut up and listen to the story, Eds. So, I just wanted to go to the park. I just wanted them to notice me. So I thought that maybe if I hurt myself that they would turn the TV off. But I was a chickenshit and also 6, so I wasn’t about to actually hurt myself. Instead I went into my room, threw a few books on the floor and screamed. Nothing. So I did it again. Finally my mom comes running it, all redfaced and shit. And I pretended to have hurt my foot. Only I wasn’t a good liar. And my mom saw through it and was pissed. So she told me to fuck off and go to the park. Which, you know, sucked but I did get what I want.”

“I’m so sorry, Ric-”

“-Don’t you dare. And besides, you’re missing the point.”

“You have a point?” Eddie teases, shifting closer to Richie’s embrace without meaning to

“The point is that I wanted them to notice me. I wanted them to notice me and so I pretended to be hurt. And the funny thing is that, walking to the park I swear that my foot was hurting. I started to limb, even.” Richie’s voice got this high and flowy quality it sometimes did when he was getting into a story he was telling and Eddie frowns a little as he listens to him, eyes locked on his face now, “I was mad and upset and somehow I had convinced my body that my foot was hurt even though it was fine. I wanted so badly for someone to just fucking notice me that I yelled at a random grown up at the park and pushed a kid off his swing, but before that I made up a pain that my body mistook for real, you know?”

There is a long beat of silence before Eddie replies, “Yeah, I know…”

“My point is that there is clearly something wrong, Eddie.” Eddie makes to cut him off, but Richie rightfully assumes what he’s going to say and is faster, continuing, “I know that you don’t know what it is. That whatever is wrong isn’t- that you don’t really know what it is. But my point is that you don’t have to fucking try to figure it out by yourself. You have the Losers, Eds. You have me.”

Another beat of silence. “Because you made me cry when we were six?”

Richie laughs, full and loud enough to draw the attention of Bill and Stan from a few feet away, “Yes, Eds, you have me because I was a jerk at six years old.”

There is something in Richie’s voice that Eddie can’t trace, and it makes him turn to look at him more fully, frowning slightly. Being this close to Richie wasn’t new for Eddie, the two of them never being shy about their affection, but there was something so very jarring about the way Richie looked at him now. It makes his breath hitch, which Richie catches, echoing Eddie’s frown back at him. There is concern in that expression and it takes Eddie a second to realize where Richie’s head has gone, “I’m not having another attack. You can relax.”

Richie doesn’t look convinced, “Your breathing got all weird on me…”

Eddie is about to reply when Ben’s voice cuts through, somehow both amused and annoyed, “The rest of us are heading out but you guys are free to stay.”

“You fuckers aren’t leaving us behind like that!” Richie says, pulling away and Eddie tries to ignore the strange ache in his chest at the emptiness that filled the space Richie used to sit

[angrypixie-sarisa]

Freezing changes

Posting this again. 

Loki x fem!reader

It’s a series. Au: where there’s a space between civil war and thor ragnarok where Loki tries to conquer Earth again (something happened on Asgard, maybe) anyways he gets caught and imprisoned at the avengers compound.

Warnings (general): smut, nsfw, angst, fluff, flansgt, slowburn?

Summary: Loki tries to conquer Earth again and fails. There he meets the reader, someone that he he and the Avengers consider insane for not hating him. They eventually develop a frindship and... something more? Will you be the reason Loki finally lets go of his ambitions? Or will he grasp them even more and leave Earth once and for all? If so, is he taking you with you?

It all felt surreal, most of the avenger’s team was down, affected by a powerful spell, much like Wanda’s, where they could see, not their greatest fear, but they’re greatest failures all throughout their lives. The only ones that weren’t affected were you and Natasha.  

For the moment, the whole team was at one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s compound, resting before the next battle. Your hand finally fell from Steve’s head, giving him the hope and strength he needed to break the spell. That was one of your strongest powers; the ability to enter in someone’s mind and even manipulate it was the main reason you were an avenger. The funny thing was that you wisely resolved every single problem life threw you and even decided to sign up into the S.H.I.E.L.D program before others, like HYDRA, would kidnap you and force you to do something you really didn’t want to do.  

Nat rested a hand on your shoulder and offered you a mug of coffee which you gladly accepted. Both of you sat at a nearby table, watching how the other ones struggled. It surprised you how those super-heroes had so much to learn about emotional intelligence. That was the beauty of your powers, your Zen personality perfectly fitted with them, you were meant to be.  

As you sipped your steamy mug of coffee, not even bothered by the burn in your mouth, Fury entered the room, honestly, looking devastated.  

“L/N, please tell me you have good news.” You shook your head no and closed your eyes, his nervous and desperate energy affecting you more than usual.  

“You know I can’t do the job for them, only they can overcome it.”

“Oh, please, spare me your Zen bullshit.”  

“Fury!” Nat snapped. You rolled your eyes and took another sip, unaffected by his harsh words.  

“She’s tired, we all are. You heard Y/N; they have to do this on their own.”  

“I understand Romanoff, but Loki is out there trying to take over the world, AGAIN!”  

“Oh, for goodness sake, do you have a fucking chocolate, skittles or a Mexican coke?! I can’t help if my sugar compartment is not full. If I charge energy I can try and enter Loki’s mind to see what his next move is, but only if you bring me sugar, the good one, you hear me?” The moment those words left your lips, Fury ordered someone to bring you what you needed.  

You recharged your energy and walked towards the first empty room you saw, it was the one near the plane hangar. You sat crossed legged on a chair, placed the back of your hands over your knees, closed your eyes and inhaled deeply. You focused on your breathing until you formed your usual bubble, a literal bubble, around you, then you focused on Loki. What was he feeling? Where could he be?  

Suddenly, an image showed up, it was Loki, sitting at a staircase, meditating in his own way: still body, sight fixed in nowhere, hands at his knees, hair or head. He didn’t seem to notice you; you had to be very careful with everything starting in that moment.  

His body stiffened a little bit more and you hitched your breath, but you realized that he stiffened because of one of his brain washed slaves was talking to him. He stood up, walked towards the center of the poor lighted room, where a table stood. You didn’t catch up what the teenage boy in front of him was saying, what you did deciphered was his plan in general and not the details which was enough for you.  

Meanwhile, someone had entered the same room you were in and made a sudden noise which didn’t break your bubble but your concentration. Loki grabbed your wrist and twisted it harshly. You cried out in pain until you reminded yourself that it wasn’t real, it was all happening in your head, to which you told yourself to fuck off because it felt real as hell. Tears escaped your eyes and your lip quivered.  

“Hello, darling, paying me a visit, are you?” His long and cold finger traveled from your cheek to under your chin, he lifted it and ordered you to open your eyes. When he saw you didn’t plan to, he twisted a little more your wrist until you finally did. Immediately, he let go of it, raised his hands innocently and grinned mischievously. Oh, how you hated that grin.  

“There, there, it is not that bad, is it?” If looks could kill, boy, he would be dead by then.  

“You look familiar. Have we met before?” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, in your dreams.” You said sarcastically. “No, genius, I’ve been in Asgard countless of times, I’m an avenger and I live here as well.” Loki made a face, as if he was trying to remember but you knew he was just messing with you.  

“No, I don’t think I remember.”

“Whatever, I’m out of here.” He pulled you back, his chest at your back and his arm trapping both of your arms tight into your body.  

“You’re not as physical strong here as out your bubble, I see. It is all more… mental.”  

“I could still kick your ass.” He laughed, mockingly, really entertained by the situation.  

“Oh, you’re so interesting. Maybe I should keep you as my… What do you mortals call it; clown, buffoon? No there’s something worse.” He hummed in your ear, an action that made chills run down your spine.  

“Pet, that’s it, you are my pet.” You scoffed indignantly.  

"I'm pet of nobody. Will you let me go, now? I need to finish watching a TV show and I can´t do that if I'm still here." He laughed, again, in your ear and more shivers went down your spine.  

"Don't mock me, mortal. You are going back to the compound, reporting your information, which is nothing, to Fury. And even though I am sure you heard nothing, I don't want to risk it. Hate me all you want, scream, plead, I'm not letting you go."  

"Hate? Why would I hate you?" She turned around, a little bit easily, his arm had lost its grip, but you didn't run away. The conversation finally got interesting. His face was surprised, genuinely, for a brief moment. He opened his mouth to answer and that's when you came back to the room. No more Loki, just you, Natasha and the room.  

"What happened? Did you get information?" You blinked a couple of times before nodding your head. Natasha inhaled deeply, pulled into a quick hug and said: that's my girl. Then she proceeded on skimming the plan with you and Hill.  

A hand landed on your cheek for the 5th time. You were growing tired of it and still you stayed there, tied at a chair and not even trying to break free.  

Natasha's hand landed one more time on your face.  

"I want you to tell me one more time, WHY?"  

"It's not what you think, Nat, it's..."

"It's not what I think? It's not what it looks like? No, Y/N, it's exactly what I think; I think you are a traitor, you contacted Loki so you could guide him here and destroy us. Without us he'll have the Earth, don't you understand?!"  

When she saw you stayed silent, she slapped you again. By that time your cheek was as red as a ruby, your cheek was swelled and tears threatened to fall down.  

"I'm sorry, Nat. I'm sorry." You whispered and sobbed.  

"Sorry, is not good enough." She stormed out of the room, angry as hell, and disappointed. You closed your eyes as more tears fell down into your cheeks, swallowing the knot on your throat, and stop shaking.  

"Well, well, looks like you're not an avenger anymore." You shook your head, not wanting to hear his words, not even wanting to hear him breath near you.  

"Go away, Loki."

"Oh, darling, but I just got here."

"I said, GO AWAY." As you yelled, a powerful wind stormed out of you, it pushed Loki to his knees. You didn't want to do that, you didn't want him to know all of your powers, but it was too late. He had that stupid grin of his and he started circling your tied body.  

"How interesting." He said and you let out another sob.

"What the hell do you want?" His massive hand landed under your chin, lifting it so he could see your face. At the sight of your red cheek, his jaw clenched a little bit, he wanted to cringe, however, he forced himself not to. Then, it moved to your unaffected cheek, cupping it, making you wonder why.  

"I can free you." You scoffed.

"Please, don't make me laugh. Why would you?"

"I need information."

"That you can get by torturing anyone, so I'll ask again. Why would you?" You stared at his cold ice blue eyes, daring him to answer your question. His hand never left.  

"Somehow, I started pitting you, why wouldn't I? The mere fact that you are human is enough to make it a reason for pity.  You are a dirty, diseased stray cat that somehow, I'm willing to give a second chance. Take it or leave it, is your choice, little one." You pursed your lips.  

"Why are you here, anyways? Couldn't one of your zombies get the info for you?"  

"I can disguise easier than them and get it also faster. What's your answer? Are you helping me?" As you chewed your bottom lip, a little tornado appeared over your head, moving at sink with your teeth. It was, what was called, overthinking.  

"Fine. I'll do it. Get me out of here." His smile widened, it actually reached his eyes and you had to admit it, he had a beautiful smile. Loki's hand finally left your face and instead of walking behind you, he placed his right foot between your legs, leaned down, your chests were touching, his arms were near your waist and your face flushed. It was too much proximity. You rolled your eyes. Why did he had to do that? Certainly, to piss you off, you mentally answered yourself. With his big hands and long fingers, the ropes around your wrists fell into the ground.  Therefore, you continued untying your feet and showing Loki the way to the control room, the whereabouts of the information he wanted. He told you not to worry about the cameras or people seeing you, he had cast illusions to disguise both of you.  

The room was empty, you showed Loki the specific monitor and explained him how to download the info which, surprisingly, wasn't like teaching your grandpa' how to use a phone, it was much easier.  

As you told him you were going to keep an eye on the hall, you disappeared from the room. Somehow, you managed to crack a tiny little honest smile on the God's face. It wasn't as if everyone around you didn't smile, you were that charming. But the smile disappeared when Natasha smashed his face on the table and Hill cuffed his hands behind his back. Just then Fury stepped into the room, a triumphant smirk in his face when he said "And the insect's one more time under the boot." Loki rolled his eyes.  

There he was again, in another Hulk cage, every camera pointed at his figure. He kept pacing, wondering what his next move could be, truth was, he didn't know, he was tired of everything and the thought of returning home to just lay in bed and do absolutely nothing was very appealing. The thing was, he didn't have a home to go to, not really, Thor would do everything in his power to keep him in a place where he could keep an eye on him. Loki sat at the one chair inside the cage, placed his face in his hands and sighed.  

"Stressing, is it?" He shook his head for he knew you were coming. He lifted his gaze and took in the ice bag pressed against your swollen cheek.  

"It is indeed, but I should have known, you are a spy after all."

"Actually, I'm just loyal." He let a soft chuckle escape his lips.  

"Naïve is the word you meant." You shook your head and sat down at the chair in front of the cage.  

"So, it's gonna be a while before we get to get you to your new destination. Wanna chit-chat a little bit?"  

"I assume you have questions?"  

"Everybody has questions, Thor specially." He cringed at the mentioning of his brother and didn't bother to fake smile anymore.  

"And you? Or are you just the annoying babysitter?" He snapped. Once again, you shook your head and clicked your tongue.  

"What is it, Loki, that makes you hate Midgard so much? What is it that makes you want to conquer it despite your hate at us?" He drew in a breath in anger and something else... Something you couldn't decipher at first.  

"Midgard is the place where the scum lives, the worst of the realms where disgusting savage creatures like you whimper about life and destroy and hate each other! You are weak, you are worse than nothing compared to me. Conquer you might the most gagging thing I would do, but at least that it'll give me the opportunity to get rid of you and make this little rock worth something." His words were full of hate, his face with anger, but there was a pain in your chest, a wound that hadn't healed in a long time, it wasn't your pain, it was Loki's reflected in you. You didn't pity him, he didn't need your pity, you empathized with him, you gave him a worried look as you placed, not so discreetly, a hand at the place where it hurt the most, your heart. Loki ignored it and waited with gritted teeth for your answer.  

"You know... There's this awesome book here in Midgard called The Little Prince."

"I don't care about..."

"Hey! You had your turn to talk, now it's mine, so shut the hell up asshole!" He stiffened at the sight of your angry self, it didn't go with the calm, soothing attitude you had seconds ago.  

"Thank you. It's a great book, you should read it and keep in mind this: Love conquers everything. You know why?" You didn't wait for his answer, you just answered yourself. "Because it's the only thing that when you give it, it grows and not fades." You looked at your cellphone, it was almost time for the both of you to get to the hangar. "Anyways, we should probably keep going." Something was off, Loki knew it when instead of trying to escape, he let the Avengers, let YOU take control. What he could do? He had nowhere to go.