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requiemforthepoets · 2 months ago

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he drives me crazy, it’s so beyond me 𖦹 LN4

PAIRINGS: lando norris x fewtrell!reader

SUMMARY: you’ve been hating on lando for a very long time now, since you were kids to be exact. only to realize that those hatred is only a mask for what you truly feel for him.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: i’ve been on a slump lately, have so many works unfinished but i don’t really have the drive to finish them lol but my break from uni is near, so maybe i’ll get the motivation to finish all of it. for the meantime, hope you’ll enjoy this one! :)

REMINDER: this is purely fiction, the way how the character is portrayed in my story does not reflect the person that is portraying my character in real life. always separate fiction from reality, and do not repost or copy my work in any way.

WORD COUNT: 3.3k

WARNINGS: typos, cursing, and playboy lando

Growing up being Max’s younger sister meant that you were always surrounded by his friends, and none of them irritated you more than Lando Norris. From the very beginning, something about Lando rubbed you off the wrong way. Though you had never understood why, there was something—an inexplicable annoyance that only grew stronger with time.

As kids, you tolerated him, well mainly because Max adored him and that they are racing karts together. You can’t just tell Max to stay away from Lando for no apparent reason, that would make look like an absolute ass. But as you all grew up, Lando’s behavior began to infuriate you even more, and it just got worse when he got to F1. He began dating girls and moving on as quickly as the seasons changed, never seeming to care about the trail of broken hearts he left behind. It wasn’t just his carefree attitude towards relationships or life in general; it was the way he would tease you every fucking chance he gets. If you tripped over a pebble or on air, he’d make a joke about it. Making fun of every little thing that he would notice about you. You just couldn’t stand it, and you couldn’t stand him and his whole existence.

But somewhere along the line, something strange started to happen. With all the teasing and eye rolls, you found yourself paying a little too much attention to him. Too much for your liking. It was almost as if you were noticing the first time how his aquamarine eyes sparkled everytime he laughed, or how his curly hair seemed to suit him perfectly. It made you mad—so fucking mad that you wanted to scream. How could you, of all people, start to like Lando Norris? Your public enemy number one.

Then the realization hit you like a shit ton of bricks. You were developing a massive crush on the one person you were supposed to hate. Surprised by the sudden realization, and you being you, instead of acknowledging it, you decided to bury it deep down, covering it with even more layers of loathing. If he said something stupid, which he always does, you’d snap back at him twice as hard. If he smiled that cocky grin, you’d glare daggers at him. But inside, your heart would be pounding, and it drove you crazy. It’s pretty much a fucking miracle that you have been able to stay sane.

One day, after a particularly annoying comment from Lando about your choice of outfit, you finally snapped. “You know, Lando, if I wanted your opinion, I’d ask for it. But I didn’t, so why don’t you just keep your mouth shut for once?” Then you rolled his eyes at him. You’re going out today, you don’t need this kind of negativity. “Besides, don’t you have your own fucking house? Why are you even here?”

Lando grinned, clearly enjoying how riled up you were. “I’m just saying, those shoes look like something a hobo would wear.”

You groaned in frustration. “God, you’re such an asshole, Norris! Do you ever stop to think before you speak?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” He shot back, winking at you.

You felt your cheeks flush, and not from anger. You wanted to punch him, but at the same time, there was this insane urge to grab him by the collar and kiss him just to shut him up. But instead, you turned on your heel and stormed out of the room, muttering under your breath about how he was the most annoying person on the planet.

But then there were those moments when you saw the other side of Lando, the one that made your heart ache in a way you couldn’t even fucking explain. Like the time when he won his first race in Miami. The whole crowd erupted in cheers, everyone was celebrating his win and you found yourself smiling as he won his first race, a huge smile on his face as he celebrated. Your first instinct was to run up to him and give him a hug and tell him how proud you were. But then, almost immediately, you wanted to wrap your hands around his neck for making you feel this way. He had a unique talent for pushing all your buttons, and yet, no one could make you feel the way he did.

After the race, you all went out to celebrate, and as usual, Lando couldn’t resist teasing you. “Come on, admit it, you were impressed, weren’t you?”

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t stop the small smile from tugging at the corners of your lips. “You were okay, I guess,” you said nonchalantly.

“Okay? Just okay?” Lando feigned hurt, clutching his chest dramatically. “I expected more from my biggest hater.”

“Well, don’t expect me to start fangirling over you now,” you shot back, though your heart wasn’t really in it.

Lando just playfully winked at you, and excused himself, walking away and waving at someone else. You couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to admit it. To finally confess that maybe the reason why you hated Lando so much was because you love him in a way that no one else could. But you quickly dismissed that thought, shaking your head. There was no way you’d ever let him know how much he affected you. Not when he had the power to break your heart with a single word.

As the night went on, you couldn’t help but steal glances at him. He was the center of attention, as always, and yet, for a moment, his eyes caught yours, and he smiled. Not a teasing grin that he would always send your way, but a genuine, warm smile. It made your stomach do flips, and you quickly looked away, mentally cursing yourself for being so weak.

In the middle of the night, you found yourself lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying the day’s events in your mind. You hated how he could get under your skin so easily, how he made you feel things you didn’t want to feel. It was maddening, infuriating, it drives you nuts, and yet…you couldn’t stop thinking about him. How was it possible to love and hate someone so much at the same time? You didn’t know. You don’t have an answer for the lingering questions in your mind and it drove you crazy.

“Why him?” You whispered to yourself that night, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. “Out of all the fucking people in the world, why does it have to be him?”

You knew Lando could be a major asshole, but somehow, he was your asshole. No one else could make you feel this crazy mix of anger, frustration, and affection all at once, and despite all the annoyance, deep down, you knew you loved him. It made you mad, and yet, in some twisted way, it also made sense. No one else could make your heart race like Lando did, that can make you feel so alive, so frustrated, so utterly confused—and most importantly, no else could break your heart like Lando Norris, and you were beginning to think that maybe, you didn’t want anyone else to.

It has been three months since Lando’s first win, but the tension between the two of you hadn’t eased. In fact, it felt like it was growing stronger, pulling you into a confusing spiral of emotions. It was one of those days that you were grateful enough that you were back in uni, and have to forget about him even for a short period of time.

Though it didn’t last long, you can’t stay and hide in uni forever. So here you were, officially back home for a break, and you decided to stay at Max’s for the time being. Prior to arriving from uni, Max had already asked you if you wanted to come with them on their holiday trip, but you passed on it, making up some silly excuse and wanting to get the rest you need since you haven’t had the proper rest back when you were in uni. You wanted to avoid being in the same place with him as much as possible, you definitely don’t trust yourself to keep up the charade of hating him when your heart was screaming the exact opposite.

It was when they’re already back from their trip, and as usual, Lando is at Max’s place. You found yourself in exactly in the situation you’d been dreading. Max had invited Lando over to help him with something, and you figured you could just stay in your room, far away from the inevitable teasing from him. But when Max suddenly had to leave to deal with some urgent matter, you were stuck. It was just you and Lando, alone in the living room, with a show neither of you cared about playing in the background.

Lando being Lando, of course he wasted no time in getting into your nerves. “So, how long are you planning to hide up there?” He asked, his tone annoyingly casual as he sprawled out on the couch.

“I was not hiding,” you retorted, focusing on your phone and pretending he wasn’t there.

“Sure, you’re not,” he said with a smirk. “You’ve been acting pretty weird lately. You didn’t even come to the trip that we invited you on. Is everything alright?”

You nearly choked on your words. How could you even begin to explain what was wrong—that you were utterly terrified of how much you liked him? That every time he teased you, your heart skipped a beat instead of fuming with anger? That you couldn’t fucking stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.

“Everything’s fine,” you lied, hoping he couldn’t see the turmoil behind your eyes. God, you just wanted for this conversation to end or better yet, wishing for the ground to swallow you whole right then and there.

“Uh-huh,” Lando said, clearly unconvinced. He leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. “You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”

Your heart thudded painfully in your chest. “Oh my god, why do you even care?” You shot back defensively. “You’re just here to annoy me, right? So why don’t you just go call someone and bother them instead?”

Lando’s smirk faded slightly, and he studied you with an intensity that made you uncomfortable. “You think I just want to annoy you?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed, frustrated by his persistent questioning. “That’s what you’ve always done ever since, isn’t it?”

Lando shook his head, looking more serious than you’d ever seen him. “No. Not really.”

The shift in his demeanor threw you off balance. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He hesitated, running a hand through his beautiful curly hair that you want to touch so badly. “It means that maybe I didn’t just do it to annoy you. Maybe there was another reason.”

You blinked, your mind racing to keep up. “What reason?”

Lando sighed, leaning back on the couch and staring at the ceiling. “God, this is harder than I thought,” he muttered to himself before finally looking at you. “Look, I’ve known you since forever. Yeah, I used to tease you because you were Max’s younger sister and it was fun. But somewhere along the way, it wasn’t just about teasing anymore. I think I did it because…I didn’t know how else to get your attention.”

Your breath caught in your throat. “What are you saying, Lando?”

“I’m saying that maybe I’ve had a crush on you for a while now,” he admitted, his voice quieter than usual. “And I’ve been acting like an idiot because to be fairly honest, I didn’t know how to deal with it.”

You stared at him in utter shock, your brain struggling to process what he’d just said. All this time, you thought your feelings were unrequited, that he was just being his usual annoying self, but now, everything was different. The anger, the frustration, the confusion—it all made sense now.

“I…I don’t know what to say,” you whispered, still reeling from his confession. “Honestly.”

Lando smiled softly, a hint of nervousness in his expression. “You don’t have to say anything, I just want you to know. I get it if you don’t feel the same way, or if you’re too mad at me for being a jerk all these years. But I wanted to be completely honest with you for once.”

The room was silent for a moment, the air thick with tension and unspoken words. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. “Lando, I—“

But before you could finish, Lando suddenly stood up, crossing the room in a few quick strides. “You know what? I can’t fucking take it anymore.” And with that, he grabbed your face in his hands and kissed you, pulling you into a kiss that was both urgent and tender at the same time.

For a split second, you were too shocked to respond. But then, your body seemed to take over, and you found yourself kissing back, all the frustration and anger melting away in the warmth of his embrace. It felt like everything you’d been holding back, all the mixed emotions you’d been burying, finally broke free. When Lando finally pulled back, you were both breathless, staring at each other in stunned silence.

“Why did you do that?” You asked, your voice shaky.

“Because I’ve wanting to do it for a long fucking time,” Lando admitted, his thumb gently brushing your cheek. “And because I couldn’t stand the thought of you hating me for real.”

You shook your head, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I don’t hate you, Lando. I…I think I might be falling for you, and it’s terrifying to tell you honestly.”

Lando grinned, his usual cocky demeanor returning. “Well, that’s a relief. Because I’m pretty sure I’m falling for you too.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, the tension between you dissolving into something warmer, something that felt a lot like hope.

“You’re still an asshole, though.”

“And you’re still a pain in the ass,” Lando shot back, his grin widening.

This time, there was no venom behind your words, no hidden frustration like it was used to. Instead, there was a new understanding between you—a mutual acknowledgment that maybe the thing you’d both been fighting against all these years was exactly what you needed. When Lando leaned in to kiss you again, you realized that no one else could make your heart race like he did, and no one else could make you as crazy or as happy.

However, Lando’s confession and that unexpected kiss did leave you feeling more confused as ever. As much as you wanted to believe in the moment, in the warmth of his touch and softness of his lips, a familiar fear gnawed at the back of your mind. After all, this is Lando Norris that you’re talking about—the guy who seemed to switch girlfriends at lightning speed. You’d seen him charm his way through countless girls, only to move on without any second thought. The idea of being just another name on his list made your chest tighten with fear and anxiety.

As you sat still, still close enough to feel the heat radiating from his body, Lando looked at you with a hopeful expression, waiting for you to say something. But instead of responding with the excitement that was bubbling up inside you, all you could think about were the stories, the rumors, and the heartbreaks you’d witnessed.

“Lando,” you began, moving away slightly, creating a small but significant distance between you and him on the couch. “I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

“Why not?” His smile faltered, concern creeping into his eyes.

You bit your lip, trying to find the right words that won’t hurt him. “Because…” you trailed off, “I know you, Lando. I know your way with girls. Yes, I can’t deny the fact that you’re very charming and sweet when you want to be, but the way you get bored and move on quickly scares me. I…I don’t think I can handle being just another girl you get tired of.” You breathed out.

Lando’s expression softened, and he reached out to take your hand, but you hesitated. He noticed this right away and dropped his hand to his side.

“I get why you’d think that. I haven’t exactly been the most reliable guy when it comes to relationships, am I?” You nodded and he chuckled, “but this…this is different.”

“Is it?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “Or are you just saying that because I’m here and it’s convenient?”

Lando shook his head, gaze so intense that you might melt and turn into a puddle any second. “It’s not like that, I promise. I know I’ve messed up before, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone. You’re not just another girl, and I’m not just saying that. I’m really serious about you.”

You wanted to believe him, you really did. But the fear of getting your heart broken, of being left behind like so many others, made it hard to fully trust his words.

“But what if you get bored? What if this is just a phase for you, and once you’ve had your fun, you move on to someone else?”

He looked at you with an earnestness that you weren’t used to seeing him. “I can’t blame you for being scared. But the truth is, I’m scared too. I’m scared because I’ve never wanted someone so much, something to work out this badly. I don’t want to mess this up. I know I have a reputation, but I don’t want that to be who I am with you. I want to be better—for you.”

You stared at him, your heart warring with your head. Could he really mean what he was saying? Was it possible that he could change, that you could be the one he was serious about? But even as the doubts swirled around you, there was a part of you that desperately wanted to take the leap, to believe that maybe this could be different.

“I don’t know if I can handle getting hurt,” you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that.”

Lando took a deep breath, his expression sincere. “I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect, but I can promise that I’ll try my best not to hurt you.” He said, tucking a few strands of your hair behind your ear, “I care about you too much to let that happen. But if you don’t want to take the risk, I’ll understand. I’ll back off if that’s what you want.”

You could see the honesty in his eyes, the vulnerability he rarely showed. It made your heart ache, knowing that he was giving you the power to decide where this would go. It would be easy to walk away, to protect yourself from the possibility of pain. But then again, what if he was telling the truth, what if this was real.

“No, I don’t want you to back off,” you finally said, your voice steady despite the nerves twisting in your stomach. “But I need time, Lando. I need to see that you’re serious before I can let myself fall for you completely.”

Lando nodded, relief washing over his face. “I’ll give you all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

You smiled, feeling a bit of the tension ease, though the uncertainty still lingered. “Good. Because I’m not sure I could handle it if you did.”

As the two of you sat side by side on the couch, the show was still playing in the background, the atmosphere between you had shifted. There was no rush, no need to force anything. It was just the two of you, slowly navigating the complicated mess of emotions that came with falling for someone who scared you as much as they made you feel alive, and maybe that this was the start of something real.

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sofiawritesstuff · 4 months ago

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Apologise

pairing: oscar piastri x norris!reader

based on the most recent race day events

warnings: a little bit suggestive towards the end but nothing major, lando being an ass but he makes up for it

(I love Lando and Oscar both, this isn’t to make Lando look like a bad person)

You knew it would somehow end up being tough at one point, although you didn’t realise how bad it was going to be.

Your brother and your boyfriend. The two most important men in your life, other than your father of course.

As teammates you would think it would be easier, but not when it was their own team that had created tension in the air.

Waiting in Oscar’s drivers room, your legs bounced with the thought wondering how on Earth you were going to support both of them.

The door flew open and Oscar stood with a proud smile, holding his P1 trophy in hand.

“I’m so proud of you baby” you smiled, opening your arms for him, you felt him sigh and he hugged you tightly, him nuzzling his head into your neck “Thank you” he mumbled against you.

“Is everything okay?” you asks pulling away from him “I’m happy, I really am but I think Lando is mad at me”

“Baby, Lando isn’t mad with you, he might be mad but he is mad with the team. Never you. It was team orders and he had to follow them. He’s probably just annoyed that he didn’t get another win, but he will come back and get another. Just like you will. Let’s go out for dinner tonight. We can celebrate!”

“I don’t know, it feels a little disrespectful to Lando”

“Oscar”

“Alright, sounds good. I’m going to get a shower before we leave. Maybe go check on Lando, he will want a little comfort right now”

“I’ll go see him now, call me when you’re ready” you kiss him gently before leaving, making your way along the hall to your brothers room.

Lando could get mad, yes. Just like anyone. But you knew today he was really mad. With the look on his face after the race. You knew you weren’t walking in to your cheerful brother.

You knocked the door before entering, you seen him throwing all of his stuff into his bag “Shouldn’t you be celebrating with your boyfriend?” he asks bitterly without glancing at you

“Lan-“

“No Y/N. I don’t want to hear it. Go away. Celebrate with the race winner”

You scoff causing him to look at you “Don’t you dare do that to me Lando, you know it was the team’s fault today. Not Oscars”

“Yeah take his side! I’ve been embarrassed enough today i don’t need a pity speech from my little sister. He probably waiting for you right now to go out and celebrate. Don’t worry I won’t tell him you were here!” he begins shouting

“Stop shouting at me! It was actually Oscar that told me to come talk to you. He feels guilty enough for what happened today he doesn’t need your bad attitude getting in the way either! If you’re going to blame anyone blame your stupid team and not my boyfriend”

“So you’re choosing your boyfriend over your brother? Okay”

“Stop twisting things! Have you actually lost your mind? Oscar did nothing wrong. He was hesitant on even going out tonight because he felt guilty towards you! Oscar looks up to you Lando, he’s done so much for you in races before. I’m done with this conversation. Come talk to me when you decide to be an adult and when you want to apologise to my boyfriend” you tell him, slamming the door behind you.

It was rare for you and Lando to have an argument, what made it even worse is you felt like you had to pick a side. Lando or Oscar. You knew what your brother was saying what out of anger, he would never actually mean disrespect towards his younger teammate.

But you couldn’t help but let the tears fall. It was a short lived argument, but also one of the worst you had ever had.

“Baby?” Oscar asks confused, popping his head out of the bathroom “What happened? Is everything okay?” he rushes over to comfort you, putting on him clothes while he does

“I’m okay, just a silly fight with Lando” you smile, wiping away your tears, he stops you holding both your hands with one hand and moving the other to your cheek, wiping the fresh tears “Let’s go back to hotel and go out for a nice meal”

“I’m not bothered about that right now, I’m bothered about you. It must have been a bad fight if you’re crying”

“This is your night Osc, let’s ignore everything else” you nod trying to stop the topic of conversation “Alright, I understand that you don’t want to talk about it right now but I hope we can when you’re ready, if it’s tonight or tomorrow. I hate seeing you cry”

“I’m sorry, I’m ruining your special moment”

“Hey, come on. You’re not ruining anything. Here’s a better idea. We will go back to the hotel, order room service and have a movie night with a bottle of champagne. Sounds like a perfect way to end this night of an eventful day”

“If that’s what you want”

“All I want is to spend time with my beautiful girlfriend. Come on” he stands up, taking your hand.

Leaving the paddock felt weird, usually you would have both McLaren drivers either side but tonight you only had one. But you had to remind yourself that this was Oscar’s night and nothing was going to ruin it for both of you.

He swayed your hands back and forth walking towards the hotel, he stopped for the few fans waiting close by for him, signing the notebooks and hats held out to him.

You smiled to yourself as everyone congratulated him, trying to ignore the sympathetic smiles a group of girls gave you as you waited.

As you got comfortable in your room and turned on a movie you heard a knock at the door, Oscar quickly got up to answer it

“I’ll get it, it will probably be room service” he kisses you, leaving the bed “Oh hi mate” you head Oscar stutter.

You knew the stutter, the same stutter that came from Oscar when Lando first found out that his teammate was dating his sister.

“Can I come in?” you hear Lando’s voice asks before the door closes. Oscar sits next to you on the bed while Lando stands at the end of it, playing with his fingers.

“I owe you an apology, both of you”

“Osc I’m sorry that I was rude to you earlier, I was so frustrated with the team and I took my anger out on someone which was wrong of me. I am disappointed with myself but I’m also really happy for you and I’m proud of you. It’s great points for the team and you”

“Thanks Lando, I appreciate the apology. I think we need to have a meeting with the team to discuss a better strategy so nothing like this happens again in the future”

Lando nods agreeing with him, before turning his eye contact to you “And to you, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, you were defending both of us and I took it the wrong way and I knew it. Thank you for being an amazing sister, I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you”

“You’re so lucky that you’re my favourite” you smirk, getting up to hug him “I love you” Lando whispers “I love you too, even if you are Dad’s favourite”

“Thats false, you are definitely your Dad’s favourite” Oscar jokes “See! you are Dad’s favourite” Lando agrees “You’re his favourite! Remember when I was 13 and I got grounded for a week because you threw and egg at me and it hit Dad’s car? I got grounded for that because he didn’t think that you would ever do that”

“Or the time when we had your birthday dinner and you were feeding the cake to the dog and you blamed it on Lando later on in the day when the dog was pooping everywhere”

“Alright, I don’t need the two of you ganging up on me! Thank you for coming to apologise Lan”

“Yeah and all is forgiven” Oscar nods “Good to hear, are you guys staying in tonight?” Lando asks pointing at the TV

“Yep, a good night full of room service and sex!”

“Ew! That’s disgusting! Why am I related to you!” Lando rushes out the room

Laying in bed a few minutes later, you hear a second knock at the door. You pull away from Oscar’s kiss, storming to the door

“Lando I didn’t realise you wanted to send Oscar naked so bad-“ you stop once you realise it was not in fact your brother standing on the other side of the door, it was room service and a poor innocent old man now knew that your boyfriend was naked on the other side of the door

“Sorry” you apologise, pulling in the tray and closing the door.

You hear a loud laugh from the bed and you rush over jumping on him “It’s funny”

“Oh it is! You’re never living that down baby” he smirks, flipping himself on top of you.

#lando norris #oscar piastri #mclaren f1 #mclaren #mclaren racing #P1 #P2 #f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 x you #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri smut #brother lando

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daydreaming-nerd · 6 months ago

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The Prophecy (Lucien Vanserra x Rhys! Sister)/(Azriel x Rhys! Sister) Part 3 (Azriel's Version)

Part One , Part 2

AN: "Majesty, Palo is exhausted. Because Majesty only Palo can take this (angst) and this (groveling) and give you...a masterpiece."

No fr guys I put my whole puss into this plz tell me if you liked it

check out my masterlist

Summary: The only thing worse than having Azriel not know about the bond is watching him and Elain carry on like she doesn’t have a mate as well. Lucien and you have been long time friends but things change after one fateful starfall celebration. It’s not wrong if both of your mates don’t want you right?

Warnings: angst, fluff like so much fluff, no editing (I'm so tired omg)

Word count: 9,370

We arrived in the house in silence, the only thing to fill the void was the crackling of the enchanted fire that always sprang to life whenever I walked through the door. My eyes were fixed on the floorboards, studying every grain of wood as I put together what had just happened.

I had told Azriel about the bond, and I did it in anger. I had imagined telling him a million different ways over the past 400 years but never did imagine doing it out of spite. I was just so angry with Elain and her insufferable entitlement that had me seeing red. If anyone should act in such a manner, it should be me, I was a princess after all.

I was furious with Elain there was no doubt about that, but the voice that kept echoing in my mind was Azriel’s. How he yelled at me. I had known him my whole life and I had never once been afraid of him, until today.

As if he was tired of the silence, Lucien brushed his hand under my chin bringing my gaze to his, it wasn’t until then that I realized I was crying.

“Are you okay?” he asked, brows furrowing at my tear stained cheeks.

“Yeah,” I laughed him off, wiping the water from my face.

“I’m sorry I interfered like that, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to speak to him or if you wanted me to kick his ass. But he seemed mad and I wouldn’t stand for him yelling at you.” Lucien apologized leaning against the back of the couch a good three feet away sensing I needed some space.

“I suppose that I wasn’t sure what I wanted either,” I sigh leaning against the doorframe. “Thank you for stepping in. I think it was for the best.”

“Of course, I’ll always be there for you,” Lucien nods before resuming his staredown with the floor, probably trying to make sense of everything just like I was. “Az seemed…concerned for you. I think the bond snapped for him.”

“It did,” I say, running my hand over my chest, as if I could touch the faint glow of the bond that now sat in my chest. “It clicked the moment he saw us in the kitchen.”

“Are you happy it clicked?” he asked, once again asking all the questions I truly didn’t have an answer for, at least not yet.

“I-I’m not sure.” I say honestly, knowing I didn’t need to hide my true feelings from Lu. “I’ve pictured him finding out a million ways, but over the last couple years I’ve kind of given up on the whole endeavor. I felt like I made it clear that I liked him, and he only met me with complaints about other women. First Mor and then Elain.”

“Maybe he’s changed,” Lucien pointed out.

“Even if he had it’s not because he loves me.” I murmured sadly. “You heard him in there. He only wants me because he feels entitled to me. He never once acted like he cared about me beyond being his best friend's little sister.”

“I suppose you’re right, it’s hard to forgive 400 years of cruel behavior,” Lucien muttered, still staring at that little spot on the floor.

I strode across the room and leaned against the couch with him. I wanted to say something, anything to break the silence. But it was as if all the air had been sucked from the room in one foul swoop. I had just let out a 400 year old secret and for the first time ever, our mates seemed to give a damn about us. I look to Lucien who is still processing everything and I recall how Elain was so upset to see her mate with another female.

“Elain…” I started, wanting to tread carefully. “She seemed pretty upset,” I said, only stating the obvious.

Lucien chuckled, “Yeah, I think that’s the first time she’s ever called me her mate.”

“And how do you feel about that?” I ask wanting to give him the same room to speak that he gave me. I knew if he didn’t feel like sharing he wouldn’t, Lucien was no pushover.

“I feel strangely happy,” he says and for the first time since we got back his lip curls into a half smile. “I think that she might be willing to give me a chance.”

My heart warms at the idea of Lucien finally getting to have a chance with his true mate, “I’m really happy for you Lu,” I smile, patting his hand that sat on the back of the couch.

He snaps out of his trance, “that’s not to say that you’re not- you’re a wonderful woman y/n-” he rambles.

“Hey, HEY!” I shout getting his attention. “I’m happy for you Lucien. You deserve this,” I laugh at his attempt to not hurt my feelings.

“Thank you y/n,” he smiles, grabbing my hands and squeezing them.

“What do we do now though,” I sigh looking at his family ring on my finger.

His eyes flit to the ring as well as his thumb brushes over it, “We continue on as normal, we can push back the wedding. I’m not confident in what Elain wants from me at this point and you clearly are at odds with Azriel. If things don’t work out…” he trails off thinking about hsi next words. “If things don’t work out I would still be honored to have you as my wife. I still feel like we could make eachother happy.” he says earnestly.

I look into his eyes of russet and gold and see that he truly means every word, “Okay,” I nod my voice barely above a whisper.

“Okay,” he agrees, keeping his voice down as well. “Shall we head to bed?” he asks.

“We shall,” I laugh, following him up the stairs.

That night we didn’t make love, we cuddled as normal though, but somehow even that felt wrong, now that the bond I prayed over for so long hummed within my chest.

While the little High Lord in training was typically quite docile, he had just learned to crawl and had begun flapping his little wings, which meant trouble was becoming the new normal. Which is exactly what had happened today…

“Nyx no!” I shouted as he reached for a heavy book on one of the bookshelves, his tiny wings helping him to gain the extra inch or two of ground he needed.

I grabbed him from underneath his shoulders and brought him into my arms, bouncing him on my hip as his eyes caught the shiny necklace I was wearing. His little hands grabbed at it and I figured it was better than a vase or another heavy book.

“Just wait till he can actually fly,” Lucien chuckled, coming up behind me.

“That won’t be for quite a while thankfully,” I laugh, bouncing the babe up and down.

“Are you so sure about that? Cassian seems to already be giving him lessons.” he points out.

“I don’t even want to think about a flying toddler,” I scoff and Lucien chuckles behind me.

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and I could feel his lips curling into a smile.“You’re going to be a great mother one day” he admitted.

“I’ve always wanted children,” I said and a beat of silence passed until I decided to be bold. “Lu, do you think we could ever have children?” I ask, afraid to turn around and possibly see a wary look on his face.

I felt Lucien’s chuckle reverberate behind me, “Of course, I’ve always been fond of children myself,” he laughed.

I whipped around with Nyx to search his eyes for a hint of uncertainty, but he seemed happy about the idea, “Really?” I asked in disbelief.

“Of course,” he assured me.

“I want a million just like little Nyx here,” I smile looking at the babe in my arms.

“Minus the wings of course,” Lucien laughs behind me and I pause.

My entire life I had always pictured my children with wings. Small, delicate little things that I would ‘ooo’ and ‘ahhh’ over. I remembered seeing the Illyrian children in Windhaven growing up, I was always so happy when mothers would let me hold their babies, their wings so adorably small. I looked forward to having winged children of my own, I always pictured them scaling Azriel when they were little like Nyx, and as they got older I would watch as Az taught them to fly.

“What is it my dear?” Lucien asked, breaking me out of my trance.

“Oh it’s nothing, it’s just that when I pictured my children I always figured they would have wings,” I say, pressing a kiss to Nyx’s temple.

As if summoned, Azriel walked in, Rhys and Feyre in tow, signaling that their meeting was over. His eyes flitted to me, no doubt having heard what I had said. Lucien’s hand tightened on my hip.

Feyre’s eyes sparkled at the sight of her son and Rhys eyes sparkled at the sight of Feyre taking their babe from my arms. I reluctantly gave Nyx back, already missing being able to pretend he was my own.

“He was a little angel,” I report to Feyre.

“If by angel you mean hellion,” Lucien chuckles behind me.

“I would expect nothing less from a child raised by this family,” Rhys laughed, wrapping one arm around Feyre and brushing a hand against his son’s cherub cheeks.

A silence rolled over the room as we all watched the little family reunite. I couldn’t help but flit my eyes to Azriel, who looked at them with a grin and a longing in his eyes. His eyes find me and I don’t dare look away.

“Can we talk?” Azriel asked timidly, taking a step away from the doorway he leaned against. Feyre and Rhys take out of the room, no doubt feeling the change in the atmosphere.

I searched his eyes for a hint of aggression but all I found was remorse, “Yes we may,” I say quietly.

Lucien releases his grip on my hip as I follow Azriel into Rhysand’s study and close the door behind me with a resolute click signaling that I was locked in here with him. Az takes up residence by Rhys’ desk, leaning against it like some sort of tortured man. I couldn’t help but notice he was still in his fighting leathers, his wings tucked in tight and his knuckles perched over his lips, like he was contemplating what to say. Even now, when he was at his most vulnerable, he was so beautiful.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted last night. I yelled at you and I shouldn’t have,” he says fidgeting a bit. “Its just… it’s just that I was so pissed when I found him with his hands all over you and you just seemed so happy.”

He sighs running a hand through his hair staring at the ground, still unable to meet my eyes.

“I think that’s what bothered me the most,” he continues. “You seemed…happy.”

“You were upset because I was happy?” I scoff furrowing my brows at him, the fucking gall of this male.

“No, no! Gods y/n,” he corrects me, running his hands down his face clearly upset with himself. “I think I was upset because I wasn’t the one making you happy.” he finally says and I can hear the vulnerability in his voice.

I’m completely taken back by his words, at the fact that he admitted that he wanted to be the one to make me happy like that. The way Lucien did. It didn’t make any sense, given the fact that he never showed me in the last 400 years.

“That’s funny coming from a male who’s been complaining to me about the females he’s been in love with for the past 400 years.” I deadpan, crossing my arms.

“Is that how long you’ve known? 400 years?” he asked me, voice rising a bit.

I nod, “I knew the night you danced with me on solistance in the Hewn City all those years ago,” I confess.

“Fuck y/n,” he groans running his hands down his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you started panting after Mor and the second you gave up on her in walked Elain!” I shouted, it was the most obvious thing ever as to why I didn’t tell him.

“You had to know that you were first,” he says, snapping his head up to meet mine, pleading in those hazel eyes.

I gave him a blank stare not knowing what he was talking about.

“Please tell me you know you were the first, before Mor, before Elain, I was practically on my knees for you,” he confessed.

Once again I’m left speechless. Could it be true? That he had wanted me before I even knew about the bond?

I shook my head, even if it was true he was speaking in past tense. I didn’t want him to be my mate because he felt like he had to be, I wanted him to love me, truly love me. I wanted him to choose me.

“I had no idea,” I admit feeling a bit of shame. “But that doesn’t matter anymore, it’s all in the past. I’m not mad at you Azriel.”

“Thank the cauldron,” he breathes, crossing the room to cup my face.

I place my hands on his wrists and pull them away from me, “Az I think that you should be with Elain,” I say, stepping back from him.

“What? No.” he shakes his head and I take another step back.

“You clearly love her and she loves you, the cauldron made a mistake by making us mates, it's as simple as that,” I say trying to hide my tears.

I loved Az, a part of me always would, but I wouldn’t be his consolation prize just because the cauldron fucked up and made me his mate instead of Elain. I couldn’t live with that.

“No don’t say that, please don’t say that,” Az pleads, his voice softening.

“I’m sorry Azriel but I won’t be your consolation prize,” I say before grabbing the door handle and walking out into the living room where Lucien was.

Azriel goes to say more until he hears the hitch in my breath. There, before me, Lucien is tucking a stray hair out of Elain’s face and placing a kiss on her knuckles. A sweet gesture, one I’ve probably read about a thousand times in my romance novels. Lucien’s eyes flit to mine, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen him so happy.

“We’re going to give it a shot,” he smiles happily, putting an arm around Elain.

“Really?” I ask looking to Elain who smiles brightly.

“Yeah we are,” she says smiling up at Lucien.

“Oh I’m so happy for you two,” I cheer before engulfing them both in a hug.

“Congrats you guys,” Azriel mutters from behind me, seemingly abandoning whatever he was going to say to me in favor of praising his friends.

Lucien chuckles at my excitement, “Don’t get too excited, we’re going to have to move my stuff out of your place today, I think it’s time I move back into the townhouse,” he smiled.

“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s get started!” I cheer, grabbing his hands to winnow us away.

In reality I wasn’t excited about the idea of moving, and much less excited about the idea of my little townhouse being empty again. But I needed to get away from Azriel.

One week later:

After the all day affair of moving Lucien’s accumulated stuff out of my house and in the townhouse I was back to loving alone. Which at first wasn’t terrible. I was content to read my book and cook for myself when necessary. But after about a week I began to miss the food Lucien would make, or having someone to lie next to. It was a strange feeling, it felt like a breakup, but I wasn’t sad. I missed having another heartbeat in the house, not Lucien himself.

After a week of getting my affairs in order my brother finally asked me for some help and I was thankful for the distraction. All week I had been in my own head about all that had happened, with Lu and Elain, with me and Az. I needed a break to think of something else.

That’s how I found myself slipping on an old day court dress and getting ready to winnow to see Helion, an old friend of mine. I was leaving the house and locking the door when I ran smack into a large chest I screamed being taken off guard.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” a familiar voice apologized, I turn to find Azriel standing before me.

“It’s okay, I should’ve been paying more attention,” I chuckle awkwardly. I hadn’t heard from the spymaster in a week, why would he come to talk to me now?

Azriel’s eyes furrow from where they tower over me, “Why are you dressed for the Day Court?” he inquires.

“Oh well,” I look down at the swaths of white fabric that cascaded down my body, suddenly feeling a bit exposed from off the shoulder dress. “Rhys wants me to go and schmooze Helion a little bit. Something about wanting to get him to agree to better trade deals.” I laugh remembering how my brother agonized over it the other day.

“So he wants you to go and flirt with Helion?” Az cocks an eyebrow at me.

“Well Helion and I go way back, and he’s always been…well keen on me.” I say honestly and I watch as Az bristles just a bit. I can’t even count the number of times the High Lord as tired to get Cassian and I in his bed

“I’ll give Rhys one thing he sure is ruthless,” Azriel chuckles trying to play off his nerves.

“Is there something I can do for you?” I ask, still wondering why he’s here, at my doorstep.

“Oh uh, no,” Azriel stutters. “Well actually I was walking by and I saw this and I thought of you.” he says pulling out a white rose. It looked like he had plucked it right off the bush down the street. “I thought you should have it.” he finished.

I take the rose from his hand and notice that the thorns have all been cut off. I eye Truth Teller strapped at his side and the lingering thorn that was still stuck on its sharp blade.

“That was very thoughtful of you Az thank you,” I tell him sweetly, taken back by his gesture.

“You’re welcome,” he says, seemingly relaxing at my acceptance of his gift.

I check my watch, “Well I really do have to go, Helion is waiting for me,” I wince moving past him on the stairs so I can get past the words my brother has on my place.

“Yes of course,” Az says following me down the steps and out the wrought iron fence. “Do you need a ride?”

“I’m okay, I can winnow,” I chuckle, closing the gate behind me.

“Well I guess I’ll see you later then,” Azriel voices with a hint of a sigh.

“Yeah I’m sure you will,” I reply before winnowing into Helion’s mansion.

How could Az be so calm about all this? It was like he was trying to force himself to have feelings for me, figuring he better learn to love me now that he’s shackled to me for eternity. Part of me wondered if Rhys had given him a firm talking to and convinced him to attempt to like me.

“There she is,” Helion mused from the top of the stairs coming down the stairs dressed in his usual attire. Part of me hated that I found him attractive, in another life, if he wasn’t so promiscuous, I might’ve seen myself standing by his side.

“Helion,” I smile, pulling him in for a hug.

When we pull away his hands linger at my waist and his eyes look at the rose in my hand. “What’s this?” he asks plucking the rose from my hand.

I think about the encounter with Azriel, how forced it all felt.

“It’s nothing,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders.

Helion tosses the flower aside before throwing his arm over my shoulder and leading me inside, “So, your brother has sent you to convince me to agree to his new trade agreements.” he smirks.

“He’s done nothing of the sort, I came to visit an old friend of my own accord,” I tease, knowing Helion isn’t as daft as Rhys makes him out to be.

“We’ll see about that new treaty after some wine, and tell your brother that next time he wants to use you against me as leverage he should just send you naked,” Helion chuckles.

I erupt in laughter, slapping his arm as he leads us to a white couch with a bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table.

Three days later after successfully getting Helion to agree to a new trade treaty I found myself sitting in my living room with a glass of wine enjoying the fruits of my labors. As soon as I told Rhys about the High Lord of Day’s cooperation he sent me one of his finest bottles of wine as a thank you. Not that I required any thanks, I enjoyed spending time with Helion.

My silence was interrupted by my door opening and closing. I just about jumped out of my skin, the only one who had the key to the place was Lucien and he had given it back a long time ago. My heart pounded as I stood from the couch in my nightgown and robe. I had turned in for the night and certainly wasn’t expecting visitors. I lift my romance novel over my head and step around he couch ready to swing when I see Azriel locking the door behind him quietly.

“Azriel you scared the hell out of me,” I sigh, lowering the book.

He turns from the door looking me up and down taking in my casual attire hungrily. “I’m sorry I guess I’m just used to walking right in, I wanted to give you these,” he says holding out a large bouquet of white roses, exactly like the kind he gave me the other day.”

“Thank you Az, they’re beautiful,” I say wearily, taking them from his scarred hands. “I’ll uh- I’ll just put them in water,” I tell him, padding into the kitchen to grab a vase and fill it.

“I thought since you liked the other one I gave you that you might like those ones too,” he says walking into the kitchen and leaning in my doorway.

I place the two dozen roses in a vase,“Well I appreciate them, it’s been a while since I’ve had fresh flowers in the house,” I divulge to him, remembering how Lucien used to bring them home all the time. He would always ask for Elain to make him a bouquet, his little way of speaking to her in a way that didn’t make her uncomfortable. The thought had me thinking of how Lucien and Elain were probably sitting at a nice dinner right now, had me questioning why the fuck Azriel was here.

A silence fills the room as Azriel sits admiring either me or the flowers, from where I’m standing it could be either or. I walk around the kitchen island to test the theory and sure enough his eyes follow me as I lean my back against the side closer to him. A wave of embarrassment slips over me. Did Rhys ask him to bring more flowers again? Was I really that pathetic?

“Az why are you doing this?” I ask, gesturing to the flowers behind me.

Azriel straightens taking a tentative step towards me, “Because I want what Elain and Lucien have. I want you to give me a chance to be a good mate,” he says softly.

I look to the wooden floors below me, my bare feet messing with a loose floorboard, “You don’t have to do this Azriel. If Rhys sent you I’ll just cover for you and say you came.” I say not daring to look at him.

“I’m not here because of Rhys, I’m here because I want to see you,” he implored and I heard his feet shuffle closer.

“I’m still not your consolation prize just because Lucien and Elain are doing well. I won’t do that to myself,” I say, continuing to mess with the loose floorboard.

“You’re not my consolation prize y/n, you’re my mate.” Azriel states, his voice becoming more urgent causing me to tighten my arms around myself ever so slightly.

His boots come into my line of sight and suddenly he’s titling my chin up to meet his pleading gaze. I’m suddenly all too aware of how underdressed I was. There was a time when I would’ve killed for this. But now? I won’t let myself be hurt again.

“Y/n please-”

“Azriel I’m at peace,” I snap, cutting him off and looking down at our feet once again even though his hand still rested under my chin. “For the first time in 400 years I’m at peace. I have loved, and pined, and thrown myself at your feet for 400 years, and I am finally happy in my exile. So forgive me if I’m hesitant to give that up so quickly because you all of the sudden want a mate.” I bit out.

His shadows dance around my hands and I move my fingers out of their grasp, like their cold kiss was burning me.I wait for him to say something back, for him to breathe wrong, yell at me or leave but he doesn’t move. I let my eyes flit up to his, and I find him staring down at me, like he’s been waiting for me to look at him this whole time.

“I’m not going to give up,” he states, if he was sad or upset by my previous words he doesn’t show it.

I sigh, tossing my head back, “Az please,” I beg.

“No I’m serious, I’m not giving up on you, on us,” he maintained steadfastly, his hands not leaving my cheek as he steps even closer to me and my back hits the cool granite behind me.

“Azriel I think you should go,” I grit out, the second my body stiffens under his he steps back giving me my space.

“Alright I’ll go,” he says, taking a step back.

I follow him to the door and hold it open as he steps out into the cool night air that has me wrapping my silk robe around me tighter, as if it was helping anything anyways.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he assures me before shooting off into the sky.

“I really wish you wouldn’t!” I shout into the air after him before slamming the door and locking it.

I take a deep breath once I’m seated on my couch again, trying to salvage any sort of peace I might still have. But that tranquility was disappearing in my hands the more I chased it.

The following day I head to Rhys’ house to talk over the new adjustments in the Day Court trade agreements. It was supposed to be easy enough, but as things got more and more complex it ended up being an all day thing. By the time I walked up the steps to my own townhouse I was exhausted and starving. I wasn’t looking forward to bread for dinner as I had no time to go to the market today.

I kicked open the door and locked it behind me, the smell of fresh tomatoes and basil wafted through the air causing me to pause in my tracks. Was Lucien here? Had him and Elain gotten in a fight or something?

“Ah shit!” I heard a male cuss followed by the searing of liquid on a burner.

I curiously walk around the corner of the kitchen where I’m greeted with the sight of Azriel, standing in my apron, reading my cookbook and stirring some sort of sauce. His shadows were helping him turn the pages of the book. I see the spilled sauce on the burner that was the cause of his profanity just moments ago.

“There you are,” he smirked, his eyes flitting up to mine before reading the book again.

“Az what are you doing here?” I ask, setting my bag down on the table.

“Making you dinner,” he said, gesturing to the numerous used pans and utensils lying around my once clean kitchen.

I walk over to inspect what he’s cooking. Fresh herb crusted chicken cooks in the pan next to him while he stirs a red sauce. In the sink is cooked pasta sitting next to freshly sauteed green beans. I inhale the smell of the food deeply and I can’t help but feel myself salivate a little, it smells delicious.

“You always dog ear the recipes you want to try but you never make them for fear of not liking them,” he says nonchalantly as he prods at the chicken.

I look down at the cookbook he’s reading, sure enough the recipe he’s making has a bent corner. I had been itching to try it but had never found the time.

“If you end up not liking it there’s take out from Rita’s in the ice box,” he said using the spoon to point to the ice box in the corner of the room.

I look up to fully inspect him. This all feels like a ridiculous practical joke. If someone had told me that my spymaster would be cooking me dinner I would’ve laughed in their face. Upon further inspection I realize he’s shirtless, save for my apron he’s wearing.

“Was the half nudity necessary?” I cock an eyebrow leaning against the counter.

Azriel barked out a laugh, “It took me a while to find the apron, I had gotten tomato juice on my shirt when I started chopping them up for the sauce so I took it off and washed it,” he explained the corner of his mouth turning up in a smirk. “Plus I figured the whole shirtless bit might win me more brownie points with you.”

I rolled my eyes at his cockiness, I didn’t dare let him know how right he was.

He laughed at my reaction, “Why don’t you go sit down, dinner’s almost ready.” he said gesturing to the couch.

I shrugged my shoulders and padded my way over to my favorite reading spot. The one he found me in yesterday. I plop down on the velvet sofa and there in front of me on the coffee table, my book has been left open to the place I bookmarked and a glass of wine sits for me. I raise an eyebrow but decide to just roll with it, I pick up the book and sip on the wine, becoming engrossed with the story.

A few minutes later I feel the cold begin to bite at my toes. I look around for a blanket and see that the nearest one is across the room. I curse at the idea of having to move, but before I can even set my book down one of Azriel’s shadows is scurrying across the room to retrieve the knitted blanket for me. The wisp of darkness arranges the blanket neatly over my legs, tucking me in like a mother would her child. I can’t help but laugh at the care the little thing is putting into the job.

Azriel’s shadows looking out for me was nothing new, the second the bond clicked for me they tended to stay near me. Picking up pens and silverware I dropped on the floor and always twirling around my hair and wrists. There were even times they would try to drag Az near me, like on starfall and solstice, nights I looked especially beautiful. But he would always curse and wave them off until they left him alone.

The little shadow perched itself on my shoulder as if it too wanted to read my book. I could sense it was trying to anticipate any other small need I might have.

“You know he might be insufferable but you guys are pretty great,” I laugh looking at the curious being.

In response the shadow boops itself on my nose as if it was giving me a kiss.

“Don’t tell them that or they’ll get a big head,” Azriel murmurs behind me where he’s leaning against the doorway between the living room and the kitchen, still shirtless and wearing that damned apron.

“In that case I’ll be sure to praise them more often, they’re little angels,” I smile as the tendril of darkness dances around my collar.

Azriel lets out a small chuckle behind me, “Dinner is ready,” he tells me before disappearing into the kitchen once more.

I follow him as the small shadow frantically pulls at my wrist towards the table, as if it’s eager for me to see what it helped its master cook. When I walk into the darkened kitchen and find that Az has set the table not only with our dinner but with candles and another bouquet. This time it’s an arrangement of jasmine, no doubt from the florist down the street.

I sit down and inhale the heavenly scent of the white flowers and hum in delight. Azriel comes in with a bottle of wine and two glasses, pouring us each a bit. He sees me admiring the flowers and smiles.

“Jasmine, like your perfume,” he says, putting down the bottle and taking his seat next to me.

I smile and look down at the plate before me. It looks delicious, the pasta is fragrant with basil, the chicken is cooked to perfection and the green beans are vibrant and green. I lift my fork and dig into the past first. The moment it hits my tongue the flavor melts in my mouth, rich, bold and oh so savory. I let out a moan as my eyes flit to Azriel who is watching me expectantly wondering if I’m going to like it or not.

“This is incredible,” I say, covering my mouth with my hand so he doesn’t see me chewing.

“Thank the cauldron I thought I put too much red pepper in,” he breathes out, seemingly relaxing before digging into his own plate.

“No it’s perfect, thank you really,” I say earnestly.

“You’re welcome,” he smiled, taking a bite of chicken.

We sit and eat our meals in silence simply enjoying the good food. A little shadow flitted up in front of my face to gauge my reaction to the bite of chicken I was chewing. I couldn’t help but laugh as it shifted like it was cocking its head at me.

“Yes it’s very good, you did a wonderful job,” I laugh at the little fella.

My giggle brings Azriel’s attention to me once again and before I know it he’s waving his hand at the little tendril like he’s swatting a fly.

“Hey go away let her eat for the love of god,” he chastises as the shadow slinks back behind him.

“Don’t worry it wasn’t bothering me,” I laugh taking another bite of green beans.

“Yeah well they haven’t been listening lately,” he says looking back at the little shadow that had slinked behind his shoulder like a reprimanded child.

I shake my head at the two of them interacting and take another sip of wine. To be honest I wasn;t really sure what to say to Azriel. Despite his valiant efforts to win me I still wasn’t ready to abandon the peace I had grown so fond of.

“You know it’s funny,” he tells me, playing with the food on his plate. “I feel like my shadows have always liked you. It was like they knew before I did,” he laughed nervously at his confession.

“Maybe so,” I shrug, not wanting to broach the subject, the friendlier we could make this the better.

“I can remember times when they would drag me into any room that had you in it. Most of the time I control them, but when it comes to you? They control me.” he laughs while taking a sip of his wine.

“Thank you again for dinner,” I say, forcibly changing the topic of conversation. “It’s been a while since I had a home cooked meal. I think the local restaurants have my to-go orders memorized now.” I laugh.

“Lucein used to cook for you didn’t he?” Azriel asks, and I can feel his eyes burning into the side of my head as I play with the pasta on my plate.

“Yeah he did, he was a surprisingly good cook too,” I say, recalling the traditional Autumn Court meals he would cook all the time. They were mostly for him, for when he was feeling nostalgic, but he always left some for me as well.

Azriel sits for a moment as if debating whether or not to say something for a moment. “Did you love him?” he asks.

My fork clatters to the plate at the abrupt question and I’ve never felt so put on the spot. It was never something I had thought about in regards to the autumn court male. Love seemed like an emotion that would be reserved for Azriel and Azriel alone, until one day it wasn’t. I didn’t love Lucien, but I certainly stopped loving Az in that way, or at least I think I did.

“No I didn’t” I say honestly turning to meet the shadowsingers gaze. “Lucien and I… it was never like that. We both knew what we needed for each other, it started as just sex. But then he would stay the night, and then we started going to breakfast. His shirts started showing up in the laundry hamper, his books on the coffee table. Eventually I just gave him a key, it seemed like the logical thing to do. We didn’t even label our relationship until he asked me to marry him.”

“I wasn’t sure,” Azriel said, going back to shyly staring down at the table. “I overheard your conversation that one day. When you asked him about the possibility of having children. You said that you always pictured your children having wings, was that true?” he inquired.

I nod shallowly, unable to trust my own words in such a raw moment.

If Az had any other questions he didn’t ask them or press me to talk about the two of us, it was as if he was happy with the answers I did give him. He was perfectly content to let me finish eating my meal in comfortable silence. When I was finished he cleared the table and didn’t let me lift a finger to help clean. Instead those pesky shadows cornered me into reading my book once more.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he came in, dressed in his shirt once more to bid me goodnight. He insisted that I stay in my comfortable spot by the couch as he walked himself out locking the door behind him. As the comfortable silence, which I had grown so used to, ensued, I found myself silently wishing he had stayed just a little longer.

The following weeks were spent with little visits from shadows and shadowsingers. Sometimes it would be Azriel showing up at my door with coffee or gifts. Other times, when Rhys had Azriel on missions he would find ways to leave things at my doorstep. The first time it was another bouquet of flowers and then chocolates.

My favorite gift from Azriel had been the books. The first set he got me was the second and third book in my series. They appeared at my door the morning after he made me dinner with a note that read…

I noticed that you were almost done with your book last night so I went out to get you the second book. I noticed it was a short book so I got you the third in case you finished it in one day like you no doubt will.

-Azriel

Of course he was right and I finished the second book by the end of the day. When I opened the third, and much longer book, to begin reading it a bookmark fell out and another note.

I figured you might need a bookmark for this one.

-Azriel

He was right about that as well.

The next book to be delivered was a classic romance with certain pages, and quotes underlined. His notes scribbled in the margins. Clearly he had taken the time to read the novel himself. When I saw the first annotation I expected his further notes to be corny or cheesy, but each one was well thought out.

The most recent literally delivery was a small and short book about different types of flowers. Between each of the pages sat a live flower that corresponded with the page. It was possibly the most vibrant and beautiful bouquet I had ever seen and by far my favorite floral gift I had received.

This week though things had been different. As the colder months were drifting in I started spending more time inside, reading by the fire. But not once had Azriel stopped by. Not a present, not a note to be found. When I subtly asked Rhys were the shadowsinger was he told me he was in the isle of Hybern.

A week had come and gone without so much as a tendril of a shadow to be seen. I sat infront of my roaring fire with a book in hand trying to escape the bitter cold. Outside the first snowfall of the year had taken the form of a blizzard. I pitied the shopkeepers that would have to walk home in it.

Around midnight I heard the scraping of metal against stone from outside my house. I jumped out of my skin and quickly looked at the clock noting the late hour. I set down my novel to wrap myself in a blanket and pad over to the front door. I could already hear the winds outside and feel the cold air seeping in through the cracks in the door.

I open the door to investigate the strange sound and I nearly gasp when I find Azriel outside my house shoveling my walkway with a small shovel from my garden. One meant for digging out plants and trees, not snow.

“Az what are you doing?” I ask, making the spymaster jump a bit.

“I’m shoveling your walkway. I didn’t want you to slip tomorrow morning or hurt your back trying to shovel it yourself,” he said, digging into the snow again with the little metal shovel.

“Oh Az you don’t have to do that,” I coo walking out into the cold pulling my blanket tighter.

“I don’t have to but I want to,” he said shoveling more snow. “It wouldn’t take so long if I had a bigger shovel.” he grunts, frustrated.

“Well why didn’t you take Rhys’ shovel?” I laughed watching as the overgrown Illyrain tried to mangle the tiny thing.

“Well I just got back from Hybern, I saw it had snowed and I came here first.” he explained and my heart swelled. He had come to my place first before he even went home. “I figured if I didn’t do it you would fall and break your head open.”

“Azriel, really you don’t have to do this, I can handle it,” I plead with him feeling bad that he’s subjected himself to the weather.

He stops his shoveling and turns to look at me, “y/n I want to do this. Don’t worry about it.” he says before looking me up in down seeing that I’m in nothing but a short nightgown and a blanket. “Now go inside before you catch a cold.”

“Me? What about you?” I laugh looking around at the snow falling around us.

“I’m Illyrian the snow doesn’t bother me,” he retorts and I can tell that he’s lying by the pink in his cheeks from the cold.

“Well I’m half Illyrian,” I counter, swinging back and forth on my heels.

“Then I’m sure half of you is really cold,” he rebuttals. “Now go back inside and get warm before I carry you inside myself.” he smirks before shoveling up another heap of snow.

I just shake my head and retreat to the warm fireplace awaiting me.

I waltz into the House of Wind where the Solstice party is in full swing. Lords from neighboring courts are chatting and drinking all around and from the corner of the room I can hear Cassian’s booming laugher as he doubles over at something Helion has said.

Like almost every solstice party I arrive fashionably late. I truly never mean to be the last to arrive, but it feels like the whole guest list decides to arrive early just to spite me. I make my way around the area where couples and children are dancing to a small quartet and head toward the bar. My dress billows behind me like liquid starlight. Just like every solstice party before this one, I will get by with copious amounts of wine.

I lean against the bar and watch as Elain and Lucien laugh and giggle across the room. I smile as Elain pops a pastry into Lu’s mouth and I can’t help but feel a warmness in my chest at the two of them. Lucien was finally happy with his mate, and if there was ever someone who deserved such happiness it was him.

My thoughts are interrupted by a shadowy friend making its presence known. Flying up by my face to say hello and then rushing behind me as if it was called. I turn to see Azriel dressed immaculately staring at me. His eyes flit up and down my body taking in every detail of me.

“You look…” He trails off, shaking his head, as if the words he was going to say wouldn’t be the right ones. “There are no words. Even the poets would get it wrong.”

I can’t help but blush at his choice of words, taking a step toward him as the shadows behind me are pushing me to do so.

“You clean up pretty good yourself, spymaster,” I chuckle giving him a once over.

He blushes and then speaks again, “I mean it, you look beautiful tonight y/n.”

I blush again and turn my head to avoid his gaze, like that shade of hazel might burn me from the inside out if I look too long.

“You must allow me to dance with you,” he says, taking both our drinks and placing them on the bar. “Not having you out on that dance floor would be a disservice to everyone here.”

I laugh taking his outstretched hand and allowing him to lead me to the dancefloor, “Alright Az you’ve convinced me, but only because I know you won’t step on my feet,”

We fall into a comfortable motion, swaying back and forth to the slow tempoed song the quartet is playing. The couples around us filter around us, some lost in deep conversation, some embraced closely swaying to the song. I keep my eyes on them, knowing that Azriel’s gaze is on me.

Memories of a solstice much like this one float through my mind. The way my feet ached before Azriel saved me, sweeping me up into a dance. The way the bond felt when it snapped into place for me. I had pulled on it so desperately hoping he might feel it too. I thought of all the years of agony that followed that night. Watching Az fall for Mor and later on Elain. Hearing my brother and Cassian talking about Azriel’s exploits in bedding local women. All of it tore me apart and it took over 200 years to rebuild the part of me that I had lost. I wondered if I would ever be whole like that again.

I hear Elain and Lucien’s laughter once more, the sound breaking me from my thoughts as Azriel and I continue to sway to the music.

“They make a great couple,” Azriel’s deep voice rumbles through me.

I smile watching Lucine place a kiss to his mates lips, “They really do,” I say with a lightness to my voice.

“Do you think we’ll ever be like that?” He asks tentatively and my world comes crashing down.

“Az,” I say and his face falls at the dismissal in my tone.

“Why not y/n? Why can’t we have a shot like they can?” Azriel says starting to get upset.

As if on queue the song that the quartet is playing ends and I hear the musicians flipping through their sheet music to find the next song. I pull my hands out of Azriel’s and take a few steps back.

“I think it’s time for me to go,” I say calmly, trying not to let the damn of tears break. I swiftly move past him towards the door.

“Y/n wait!” I hear him call out behind me but I’m already out the door, my tears falling down my face as I make my way back to that empty townhouse in the middle of the city.

The rain outside my house slams into the window violently. Spring has come early in Velaris and I wasn’t exactly upset about it. At least I wasn’t until this torrential downpour blew into town. I hadn’t seen rain like this in the Night Court for at least a hundred years now.

It’s been weeks since solstice and it seems that Azriel has finally taken the hint and left me alone. I hadn’t heard a peep from him since that dance. Not a flower, chocolate or shadow to be seen and while I should be happy about it I had never been sadder. After all the walls I put up trying to keep my peace it seemed that he had succeeded in breaking them down again.

I sat by the fire staring down at the dancing flames, no book, not even a glass of wine or tea. Just me and my all consuming thoughts. Each one of them led back to hazel eyes and blue siphons.

I jump at the sound of a fist pounding on my door. Pulling my sweater tighter to cover up my nightgown I walk over to investigate who would have the guts to stand out in this monsoon at this hour. When I open the door I find Azriel bracing his arms against the doorframe, out of breath like he ran here. His hair soaking wet and sticking to his brow as the rain pelted him.

“Az?” I shout over the sound of rain.

“I can’t go on like this any longer y/n, I won’t do it!” he shouts over the storm.

“Az it’s pouring what are you-”

“I love you y/n!” he shouts stopping me mid sentence. “From the moment I met you I knew. I wanted so badly to put my hands around your waist and kiss you. And if you’re wondering why that seems like such an adolescent dream it’s because that’s what we both were. I was 117 years old and you were 115 and that’s all I wanted. I knew little of love, even less of lust. All I knew was that I wanted to kiss you,” he hollers over the sound of rain wiping the water from his eyes.

“I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve hurt you, but I swear to you I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, because I love you. And I don’t care that you don’t love me too, because I love you y/n. I choose to love you!” he finishes and I can’t tell if it's rain falling from his eyes or tears that match my own.

I choose to love you.

I take a shaky breath and take in the sheer desperation on his face, “I love you too Azriel,” I laugh feeling another tear slip down my cheek.

He doesn’t waste a moment, stepping through my threshold and cupping my cheek to place a searing kiss on my lips. I melt into him, feeling his clothes soaking my own as my nightgown clings to my skin. His hands are on my waist, scarred and cold from the elements but still so intoxicating. My arms wrap around him pulling him further into the entryway. I hear him slam the door shut with his boot drowning out the sound of rain leaving only the music of our ragged breaths as he kisses me deeper.

He pulls away to press his forehead to mine, his wet hair and skin causing drops of water to cascade down my own face.

“I love you so much,” he breathes cupping my cheek to press a chaste kiss to my lips. “My mate.”

I pull him in deeper at the utterance of those two little words. I had waited 400 years for this male to kiss me, and this kiss right here? Well it made everything all the more worth it.

Epilogue: 5 years later

I stand outside on the lawn of the townhouse. My arms clutching around the sweater I’m wearing as the fresh spring air blows over my skin. My hands drift lower to the small bump of my stomach.

I was only a few months pregnant and barely starting to show. Elain had told me that it would be a girl claiming she had seen it in a vision. I couldn’t have been more excited for Azriel to be a girl dad.

“You’re doing it son!” I hear my mate call from the sky where he teaches our son to fly.

“Dad, I'm flying!” the onyx haired child shouted as he flapped his wings to pick up some speed.

At first I was apprehensive of him learning to fly so early, even though it had always been a dream of mine to watch my children learn to fly. But Azriel had assured me that the youngster was more than ready, and after a few weeks of lessons here he was taking to the air like a natural.

I look around at the townhouse behind me. It had seen some significant changes since the night Azriel stood in the rain and told me he loved me. The front yard was littered with toy swords and shields, and the outside had a fresh coat of paint. The inside had a room addition, a room for our son, Kai, and now we're adding another room for our daughter. All paid for by Rhys of course who was more than happy to give his nephew and niece everything under the sun.

My thoughts are interrupted by Azriel slamming into the ground before me. I turn to see him walking over to me with a smile on his face.

“Az shouldn’t you be up there with him?!” I fuss looking to where our son swoops and dives through the air.

Azriel laughs and picks me up bridal style, pressing a kiss to my lips.

“It didn’t feel right being up there without my girls,” he smiled nodding to my bump.

Without warning he took off into the sky meeting Kai up there. We must’ve spent hours flying around the city, stopping by every uncle and aunt's house to show them Kai’s new skill. Everything was perfect, and for the first time in my whole life, I finally knew peace.

(Do you guys want a smutty bonus chapter of what they did after he confessed his love???)

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aliesbienish · 4 months ago

Note

Could you do Benedict Bridgerton with wife reader? They were attending a ball and there was a Lord who was paying her attention the whole time. He's staring at her and making a face. Benedict was disgusted at his behaviors, wanting to confront him but she doesn't let him. With “If he doesn’t stop staring I swear to god,” & “Un-ball your fists please.” You decide how it goes. Thanks!! :))

Even Benedict gets Jealous

Hi anon, hope you enjoy xx

Dancing at balls had become a much more enjoyable pastime now that you were married. Before you were stuck having to agree to every man who asked. Each man seemed to be worse than the last. Boring small talk turned into one sided monologues. Bland compliments becoming backhanded. Now you could dance as much as you liked, propriety be damned. You spent your time hand in hand whispering sweet nothings or Ton gossip.

You were currently twirling around the dance floor with Benedict, conveniently ignoring anybody who dared think that a married couple staying on the floor for more than one song was scandalous.

“I’ve being debating how to get Eloise and Penelope to reunite. How do you think your sister would react if I locked them in a room together?” You questioned, eyes glancing up at your husband towering above you. Ben just grunted but made no attempt to respond, focusing on something over your shoulder.

“Okay so no to that idea. If El is mad why I think it is I understand.” Benedict nodded again, clearly not paining any attention. Time to test if he was listening at all. “I couldn’t imagine my best friend writing a personal attack on my family and publishing it. Although I guess you’re my best friend and, your family is now my family so that wouldn’t particularly work” Another nod and absolutely no reaction to you confessing you think Penelope was Whistledown, something was clearly up.

Stroking his cheek you pulled his attention back to you. “Honey, are you okay?” You questioned trying to iron out his frown with your thumb.

“No I’m not, if he doesn’t stop staring I swear to god,”

“Who?”

“Lord Dimond or Damien or Dipshit…. whatever his name is. He is looking at you like your a piece of meat. Like you are an object. I want to wipe that silly little smirk off his face,”

“Honey, un-ball your fists please. Lord whats-his-face is not worth damaging your hand. They are very talented and I’d like to keep them intact.”

“He needs to learn a lesson,”

“Ben, I think the best lesson would be to show him he’d never have me. Show him that the better man won. Let’s show him that I love you and he will never ever stand a chance,”

#bridgerton imagine #bridgerton fanfiction #benedict bridgerton fanfiction #benedict x reader #benedict x you #benedict bridgerton #benedict bridgerton imagine #benedict bridgerton x reader #bridgerton fanfic #bridgerton fluff #Bridgerton request

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adventuringblind · 1 year ago

Note

Pleaseeee part two of media relations!!!

Maybe J*s’ texts and comments to reader get brought up and Mac and Charles get all protective (maybe time skip with a mini verstappen 👀)

- 📚 @ireadthensuetheauthors

Media Relations Part Two

Max Verstappen x Reader

Genre: angst

Summary: Max and Charles get protective when Jos goes a bit to far.

Warnings: Jos Verstappen, lestappen if you squint, rough pregnancy and birth,

Notes: Reminder that I'm not a doctor :)

Masterlist

Charles had mixed feelings about the whole situation. Angry that Ferrari and Redbull screwed over his sister and friend. Happy that they don’t have to pretend to be in love anymore. Sad that she moved out of his apartment and into Max’s. Now he adds confused to his list.

The two had come over to his apartment for dinner. He wanted to show his appreciation for his sister and what she'd tried to do for him regardless of if falling through.

The female, though, had been anxiously eyeing her phone screen. It had buzzed a few times against the table, but she hadn't picked it up. It looked like she was even getting farther away from it.

When she excused herself, Charles jumped on the opportunity. "Is she okay? She's been acting a bit strangley."

Max sighs and stares at her empty place at the table. "She insists everything is fine, but you and I have known her long enough to see when something is off." Max looks at Charles, and the Monegasque can see the worry on his face. "She's been eating less and has barely touched her phone. She hasn't talked to anyone outside of me or you in a while."

"Yes, I know. My mother is getting worried about her."

Both of them had come to the conclusion that it's possible she's just going through a rough patch.

It's crazy how things change over the course of a year. Her and Max had been flourishing. Absolutely in love.

Max had been planning on proposing. Even going to Charles to ask his blessing.

The Dutch had yet to learn that plans change on a whim. That when he found his hopefully soon to be fiance crying on the bathroom floor of his hotel room his world would be changed again.

He sets himself down onto the floor and pulls her into him.

“I’m sorry.” She whimpers, handing Max a plastic stick. Ten of them, actually.

“You’re pregnant?”

She starts sobbing again but Max feels the opposite. He’s all smiles and warmth.

It’s not shocking she’s upset. Not to him, at least. She’s been on the receiving end of hate over the last year. Someone had leaked that they were originally doing this for a contract. Another reason Max wants to marry her. Help her insecurities about the whole thing.

“There is no reason to apologize.” He kisses her head.

“Your not mad at me? What if this is another distraction?”

“Another distraction? Where did you get that idea?”

She freezes. Her chest was barely moving. “No reason - just my brain being dumb." She starts wiping her tears away, but Max moves her hands aside and does it for her.

"Marry me?"

"What?"

“Marry me, please.” It was supposed to be romantic. He’ll make it romantic eventually. But as he stares at the smile on her face and shine in her eyes, he knew he made the right choice/

“Yes.”

Charles was the first to know. She’d called him much more excited then when Max had found her on the floor. She had yet to tell him about the threats she’d been receiving. He had his own things to worry about, specially with the contract leak. She didn’t want to bother him with her problems.

She’s two months in and laying on the floor in Charles apartment waiting for Max to come get her. “Charlie, what if this is a bad idea?”

Charles looks up from his phone. “What is a bad idea?”

“Max, the baby, everything I’ve ever done in my life.” She sighs.

Charles rolls his eyes at her. “You used to never ask these questions. I think there is something else going on.”

“Nothing at all.”

Charles once again want to push for answers. She got better for a while. Now she’s worse again. The truth is that mental health is not a straight road and he knows that, but he wishes for nothing more then his sister to communicate with him.

Four months now. She’s struggling worse then she ever has been. She loves Max with every fiber of her being. Yet she can’t bring herself to tell him the vile things Jos whispers to her when he’s not around or the texts she receives whenever he catches wind of what they do in their off time.

She’s struggling with the pregnancy in and it’s only been three months. She’s had to stay with her mother while Max is traveling. The doctor keeping a close eye on her.

She didn’t want to be a problem while he’s working. Maybe that’s the reason he’s dominating right now. She’s not there to Interfere.

She knows Max loves her. It’s what she clings to daily. The reason she pulls herself together every morning despite the fans and Jos.

It’s the thought that puts her to sleep as she curls up in bed and dreams of him.

Jos leaves with a huff when he gets no response.

Is the pain supposed to be this bad? Where’s her phone? Everything is fuzzy and if she could just find someone who could help her maybe she’d be okay.

But the exhaustion hits to soon. The floor becoming her new home.

Seven months. She’s going to see him race seven months pregnant. It’s the last race before summer break. She wanted to see at least one race before they go on holiday.

That’s how she got herself here. Standing in hospitality with Jos Verstappen.

She needs Max. Jos had been not so subtly telling her she shouldn’t be here. She’d turned her brain off after the first paragraph.

Her water had broken after the second.

She needs Max. Or Charles. Or literally anyone at this point.

“Are you even listening to me?!” When did he get so close? She’s three months early so the stress of the situation must have cause an early labor. It doesn’t help that she’s not listening and the feeling of liquid on her leg isn’t helping.

“Charles! Have you seen your sister anywhere?” Max gets the Monegasque’s attention.

Charles spins on his heels to face him. “She was in the Redbull garage last time I heard from her. Have you tried hospitality?”

“No, not yet. Might be a bit stupid for that one.” He chuckles.

“Mind if I come with? She looked pale when I left her before the race.”

“Only if you’re okay with the stares.” They both laugh and chat on the way. Since the female Leclerc has become a common factor between them, they’ve grown into quite the pair themselves.

They walk leisurely together through the paddock until Max catches sight of his father. The older male stomps in their direction.

"Tell that girl of yours to be more respectful." He shoves past Max and continues his fit straight through the lines of people.

Max rolls his eyes. His fiancé hadn't hesitated to stand up to his father in the past when it came to him. She was willing to fight anyone for people she cares about. Most likely, that's what happened.

Though there is a feeling in his gut that something else is going on. He and Charles now jog to the entrance.

Why are there so many people around?

His eyes fall to the figure on the floor, and he freezes. Clueless on what to do.

"We've called an ambulance for her." Says somone in the area. He can't tell who. Everyone's voices are swimming.

Charles' hand on his shoulder shakes him from his trance. Max's body is kneeling next to her in seconds.

Charles is calling his mother. She knows everything about her recent medical history forwards and backward.

"She's in labor, I think." Says a different female.

Labor? She's three months early. His mind is reeling, and he knows he needs to get a grip.

He looks at Charles for any sort of support, but the Monegasque is ranting in reach over the phone. Charles does catch his gaze, however, sliding to the floor on the other side of her.

It feels like an eternity until the ambulance gets there. Then Max and Charles are driving to meet her there.

Of course, it's the one week they are in a different country with no family around. He'd texted Christian, the Austrian was more than understanding. He even said he can't wait to meet the mini Verstappen.

The realization hadn't sunk in that he's going to become a father here shortly. "Charles I'm going to be a dad."

"And I'm going to be an uncle. We've known this for a while, mate." Charles is smiling, but Max can see the fear behind his eyes. Passing out is never a good sign.

Max is brought back to her room immediately. Charles had to wait for now until she could give permission. Apperently, she'd woken up screaming for Max.

It was too late for any kind of pain medication. The labor was induced by stress. Things didn't look like they should, and Max was panicking when they told him.

They get him sanitized so he can go in the room, and he dosen't know what to do. So he does the one thing he knows how to do and holds her hand.

"Max, it hurts so much." He can see the sweat and tears in her eyes.

It's long and tiring on her end.

But the sound of her baby's cries are all worth it.

Charles gets to go see them hours later when she's cleaned up. She looks exhausted when he peeks in the door. The baby lays peacefully on her chest.

Max is sitting next to her, waving him in with a massive grin.

"Charlie." She whispers. "Meet Jules." A baby boy is handed over to him and he dosen't know what to do with himself.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired and sore. Where is maman?"

"She'll be here as soon as she can." He smooths some hair out if her face.

"Charles, can I talk to you outside for a moment?" The Monegasque nods his head and hands the tiny body back to his sister.

Him and Max step outside the door, it shutting behind them with a small click.

"They said it was a stress induced labor. She suffered immensely because of it. Both her and the baby are going to need extra care for a little bit." Max explains.

Charles can hear the waiver in his voice. "Stress from what? The race ended perfectly." Charles taps his chin. His brain trying to think back.

"Do you - do you think it could have been my dad?" Max asks. Teary-eyed and exhausted, the Dutch doesn't know what else it could be.

"You don't think?-"

Max creeps back out of the room a second later. His lover and son asleep on the bed.

He clutches her phone in his hand. "I don't like invading her privacy."

"She's been scared of her phone for around two years now. I think we need to look for her safety and health."

Max unlocks the phone and sees a million unread messages. The majority is from an unsaved number.

Max keels over when he reads them. It's his dad's number. He'd texted his dad when the baby was delivered. He's coming to the hospital shortly to visit.

He feels idiotic. How had he not caught this sooner?

Charles helps Max back to his feet. "My dad's been sending her threats. Convincing her not to come to races. Telling her my success is better when she's not around to distract me." Saying the words out loud makes him feel sick again.

Charles takes the phone from his hands and scrolls through the messages so he disent have too. "I don't like how he calls the baby a parasite." He scrunchs up his nose in disgust.

Charles turns off the phone and grabs Max by the shoulders. "You cannot blame yourself for this. It's your dad, and you are not him. You are gentle and kind, and you've treated my sister better than I could've asked for." Max dries his eyes and nods his head.

She and his son both need him now.

Everything hurts. Her body feels weak and exhausted. But her mind hasn't been this elated in months.

Jules is lying on her chest. The name was something her and Charles fought over. Having then losing their godfather made them both want it. So it was decided that whoever had a child first gets the name.

Why does everything hurt so much? Charles and Max had to run back to the track to get their stuff but promised they'd be right back. That was twenty minutes ago, meaning they'll be back shortly.

When there's a knock at the door, she's surprised. Maybe her nap was longer then she thought?

Then, a familiar unfriendly face appears inside. "You had one job."

"Please get out."

"I told you to get rid of that thing." He snarls. Her mind is reeling, and the shouting wakes the baby.

She's crying as well, and his antics are doing nothing for her pain. Her heart rate was going up. She could hear it on the monitor.

She's frozen. The pain she felt from their last encounter back in full force.

She screams this time its so bad.

Max and Charles come running in the room. She didn't know how long she'd been screaming, but it was enough that people had heard.

Charles runs back out, yelling the word security.

Max's voice is fuzzy, but he's here. Her heart calmed with his presence. The beeping noise now less intense.

There are a few nurses around. One to take the baby, which makes her panic again. Another is to get her to breathe and give her something for the pain.

"You need to leave. I know what you've been doing now." Max seethes. He doesn't raise his voice, but he doesn't need to. His tone is enough to say everything and more.

They start speaking in Dutch. She can't keep up with it. She's too busy attempting to get Jules back anyway. Jos had threatened to take the baby a few times and being sperated like this with him in the room was doing nothing for her anxiety.

Charles comes back with security, who escort him out of the building. The room goes silent as he leaves.

"I told him never to speak to us again." Max is breathing heavily, and for a moment, she thinks she misheard. "I told him what he did is unforgivable, and he is never to speak to us again."

They both cry this time. The nurses leave them, and Charles is left holding Jules until the two calm down.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to ruin your relationship with him." She chokes. "I didn't want to be a hindrance for you or another problem to worry about."

All the hate she's received the past few years is not something she'd ever wish on someone. She just wants to live peacefully with her family.

"You have no reason to apologize. None of that is on you. They are jealous of you, and my dad is plain evil."

Max leans his forehead against hers. "We have our own little family now. I don't care what anyone has to say, I'm going to fight for it always."

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mightbeimpossiblenotto · 18 days ago

Text

House - Oct 12 - @rosekillermicrofic - 1,950 words - Warnings: mild homophobia from character’s father, biting again

(a/n - this one is too long again, but it needed some world building)

Evan met Barty when he was just seven years old. His parents had taken him to some pureblood gathering for the adults, leaving the children to themselves in another room. Some of the other kids already knew each other from previous events, and they formed little groups, of which Evan had no desire to be a part. There was one sullen looking boy standing against one of the walls, glaring at everyone else with hazel eyes. His hair was a messy mop of dark brown, his skin pale and clear. Evan approached him.

“I’m Evan Rosier,” he greeted, in the way he had been taught to introduce himself, sticking a hand out to shake.

Barty stared at his hand with disdain. “Barty.”

Oh, Evan had heard that name before. “Crouch’s son?”

Barty’s face went abruptly dark as he straightened up against the wall. Evan took his hand back as it seemed Barty had no intentions of shaking it, awkwardly putting it back in his pocket.

“Don’t ever mention my father to me,” he spat. Evan didn’t flinch, he just raised one eyebrow at the other boy until Barty softened. “We don’t exactly get along.”

“I don’t get along with my father, either,” Evan offered, though he knew he didn’t mean it in the same way that Barty must mean. Evan’s father was a stony man; he didn’t show affection or any other emotion, and he didn’t show his love in any traditional methods, if at all. For much of his life, Evan considered his father on the outside of their small family: him, Pandora, and their mother had a very close relationship, and then there was their father on the outside, looking in but not participating. It seemed that Barty’s relationship with his father was even worse than apathetic.

But Barty seemed comforted by Evan’s commiseration. His face relaxed, and he stopped leaning against the wall. By the end of the evening, Barty and Evan had played several games of chess and exploding snap.

And I’ve been meaning to tell you

I think your house is haunted

Your dad is always mad and that must be why

They became good friends, Evan and Barty. They started seeing each other at more pureblood social events, and they each ignored every other child present, only playing with one another. By the time it was time to go to Hogwarts, Evan was excited about the prospect of seeing his friend every day, perhaps even living in the same dorm as him.

Barty was thrilled when he got on the train. He was nearly bouncing out of his seat with excitement. They shared a train car with Evan’s sister Pandora and a friend of hers, Dorcas. A third boy named Regulus wandered in at some point, his carefully bored expression trying to mask some anxiety at having to search for an open compartment. Barty invited him in immediately.

It wasn’t until far later that night, after the sorting hat ceremony and the welcoming feast, after Regulus, Evan and Barty had all been sorted into Slytherin and found out they were going to be sharing a dorm room together, that Barty’s good mood finally broke. Regulus had gone to sleep, an unnatural silence surrounding his bed curtains after he had pulled them shut (he must already know how to do silencing charms).

Evan was sitting up in bed reading a book, and Barty had been unpacking his trunk, showing Evan every little thing he had brought from home. After a while, Barty had gone quiet, and Evan realized he was able to finish a whole chapter without Barty interrupting. He looked up, only to find Barty staring at the wall, eyes unseeing, as tears streamed unhindered down his cheeks.

“Barty!” Evan whisper-shouted, shocked. He hurried out of bed to crouch next to his friend, but when Barty didn’t move at all, Evan changed tactics and sat next to him. Their backs were leaning against Barty’s bed as they stared at the stone walls that made up their dungeon dorm room. Evan waited for Barty to speak first.

“I’ve never spent a night away from home,” Barty finally whispered, which wasn’t what Evan had expected him to say at all. He was confused — Barty always complained about being at home, being near his father, so Evan expected him to love being away at Hogwarts. He waited for further explanation, and Barty quickly gave it. “I’m so… relieved.”

His voice broke, and then Barty was sobbing, and Evan pulled him as close as he could while he cried.

And I think you should come live with me

And we can be pirates

After several years at Hogwarts, Evan grew used to Barty’s confusing relationship with his family. He returned home for every holiday, never missing a single chance to leave. He professed how much he loved Hogwarts, how much he hated to leave, especially when Evan or Regulus were staying behind for a holiday. It took Evan until fourth year to realize the reason Barty always went back was for his mum.

He never spoke about her. He complained about his father on a daily basis; he repeated every terrible thing his father had ever put in his head, much to the displeasure of Evan, who felt it was his personal duty to prove Barty’s father wrong. But Barty never mentioned his mum.

Evan had asked Barty to come to his house for Christmas in fourth year. After three years of watching his friend come back from the Christmas holiday looking miserable and emotionally beaten down by his father, Evan had had enough. A week before they were all supposed to board the train back to London, Evan broached the subject with Barty.

“Why don’t you ever come to mine for holiday?” Evan asked. “If being at home makes you so miserable, that is.” He had been listening to Barty complain for close to three hours at that point.

“Can’t,” Barty said simply. “I have to see mum.”

Evan hadn’t ever asked again.

Then you won’t have to cry

Or hide in the closet

When Barty came back for sixth year, he was different. Evan couldn’t explain what it was to anyone else, but it was entirely obvious to him. Something fundamental had changed Barty in some way, and Evan felt entitled to that information. Barty walked onto the train with a different swagger to his step, a different attitude behind his words, a different emotion behind his eyes. It was as if he had a mask on for everyone else, but Evan could see right through it, and he hated the fact that he was the only one who could see it.

To make matters worse, Barty was avoiding Evan and their group of friends, never spending any time in the dorm or even the common room. He was usually hooking up with some girl, stumbling into the dorm early the next morning, looking disheveled and depressed. Evan couldn’t understand it. Barty had never shown interest in girls before, despite other boys in their year having started ages ago. Evan found comfort in this fact, as he had never had any interest in the other sex, and he was beginning to realize he never would. Except Barty had come back and, very suddenly, girls were all he could or would think about.

Evan’s patience quickly wore thin, and he confronted Barty one day on his return to the dorm. Evan had been waiting for him, fuming, because he hadn’t spent any time with Barty at all in weeks. As soon as Barty walked through the door, Evan practically pounced.

“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing, Bartemius Crouch, Jr.?” Evan spat, backing Barty against the door he had just closed behind him.

“Um,” Barty fumbled ineloquently. “Getting dressed, I hope? These clothes are from last night.”

“I know,” Evan hissed. “You’re never fucking here anymore. Why are you never here?”

He watched Barty swallow thickly, his throat bobbing. “I’m here, I live here, Evan—“

“You haven’t slept here since we’ve been back,” Evan insisted. “Tell me what the fuck is going on.”

He shoved closer, getting in Barty’s space, watching as his eyes flew wide. “Get the hell off me—“

“Not until you tell me what’s going on with you,” Evan prodded. “C’mon, Barty, it’s me. We’ve been friends since we were seven.”

Barty stared at him for what felt like a long time. Finally, he admitted, “I had a fight with my father. A big one.”

Evan’s eyebrows pulled together. He didn’t back off from Barty yet. “That’s it? You fight with him all the time.”

“Yeah,” Barty blew out a large breath, the pieces of hair framing his face fanning out. “But, this time, he found out his only son and heir is gay.”

It went dead silent for a moment while Evan processed that vital bit of information. Barty tried to look nonchalant, as if he didn’t care at all what Evan’s reaction would be, but he kept inadvertently flicking worried glances Evan’s way.

“The girls,” Evan said, meaning it as a question but it came out more as a grunt. Barty knew what he meant anyway.

“Yeah,” Barty sighed. “I thought maybe I could fake it pretty well. I don’t even sleep with most of them. We just end up getting drunk and making out, which is fine for me.”

Evan’s head was spinning. “But you — guys. You’re into guys.”

Barty swallowed again, and Evan couldn’t tear his eyes away from Barty’s throat even if he tried. He leaned forward, not quite sure what he was planning on doing before he pressed his lips to the skin just over Barty’s thundering pulse on the side of his neck. Barty gasped beneath him, arching up into his touch. Evan groaned against his skin, gently biting the area and soothing the sting with his tongue. Barty made a sort of keening wail.

“Oh, Merlin, Evan,” Barty gasped out, and then his hands were shoving Evan back. His pupils were blown wide when Evan looked at him. “You — you’re…?”

He trailed off, not quite asking what he wanted to ask. Evan answered anyway. “I like you. I want you. I don’t really care about anyone else.”

Barty’s eyes, which were already too-wide, grew impossibly wider. He surged forward, connecting their lips for a moment, and it was like Evan was doused in fire. He had no idea how he had managed to live without kissing Barty before. Too soon, Barty was pulling away, but only to tack on: “Me too, Evan. Only you.”

And just like a folk song

Our love will be passed on

The day after they graduated from Hogwarts, Barty and Evan moved into a tiny flat in London. It was barely enough space for a living area, kitchen, bedroom and bath, and Evan couldn’t possibly love it any more than he already did. It meant so much to him to live in a space that only belonged to him and Barty, a space that was entirely theirs.

Barty was at the shops, but he would be home soon. Home — that was the word Evan had been searching for. He’d lived in many places: his family’s extravagant manor, their many vacation houses, the dormitory, to name a few. But he had never felt at home in any of them, not the way he did in that tiny flat, with Barty.

When Barty finally did arrive, with four bags of groceries hanging off of his arms, Evan greeted him with a soft kiss and a warm smile. “Welcome home,” he said.

“Happy to be here,” Barty replied.

#barty crouch jr #evan rosier #evan x barty #rosekiller #marauders #rosekiller microfic #barty crouch x evan rosier #microfic #microfic prompt #taylor swift #seven

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sad-scarred-sassy · 3 months ago

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tamlin “trapped” feyre after all negotiations broke down with the certainty of knowing feyre would endanger herself and others temporarily

from the wu this fandom talks about it you’d think he’s mother gothel but like. it was only until he came back. it wasn’t like he had her isolated, restricting access to who got to see her. he offered to invite her sisters - she was the one who said no! i really don’t see how it’s comparable to feyre + the ic making nesta stay on a remote island for what it’s worth with two near strangers who she has little to no positive associations with if they can’t be considered the cause of all her trauma in the first place (in that they are fae etc)

whereas nesta’s sentence (bc let’s face it she was sent to azkaban as punishment with a fun caveat like “you’re free if you can cross the sea! and manage to maintain a sense of identity while around guards who remind you how terrible you are of course!”) is indefinite and it’s pretty obvious from everything that comes after that it’s just something she’s expected to make the best of as opposed to something that can get better with time.

and cassian being her jailer whose amicability she has to earn by performing rigorous physical activity she had no interest in even if she grew to love it.. i wonder if she’s had that experience before

sorry, i’m not disagreeing with you, i saw your post + i just die a little inside every time someone’s like “ew tampon” “wow i wish i had a cassian” like no. they’re not the same, you (not you, ily) just have the attention span of a gold fish on catnip

You know I restrained myself from posting more on this because I’m such a hater sometimes lol, gotta focus on more positive things sometimes but... I’ll get this out of my chest.

I wanna preface by saying I do not care if people like Cassian/Nessian, truly. I even like fanon Cassian and fanon Nessian. I also have seen very little people that like Cassian bashing Tamlin (probably bc of my filters and just the type of blogs I follow bc I do love them all) BUT☝🏼 what I do see is a lot of “Disclaimer: we know Tamlin is an abuser” on Tamlin neutral posts (when no other character gets that treatment) or using Tamlin as a cautionary tale of how he treated Feyre and then praise the other “mates” for being “the right ones” and treating them correctly or something, which does annoy me a bit, but alas.

In my opinion yes, you are right, what Cassian and the Inner Circle did to Nesta is a million times worse than what Tamlin did to Feyre, but nobody, nobody considers Cassian’s actions in Silver Flames as bad as they actually are. Nobody considers him an abuser like Abusive Tamlin™️. When talking about what Nesta has endured in SF people put all the blame on Rhys and Feyre (which yes of course) but they forget Cassian was also there, willingly.

I’ve seen people use the argument that both Nesta and Cassian treated each other poorly in their relationship, but I have to ask… what did Nesta do to him that’s worse than what he did… intentionally. She was mean to him and called him bastard like four times? And only when he trespassed her boundaries. Somehow this is comparable to him being her jailer, taking her to train in the middle of Illyria, being a dick when he knew she was struggling, telling her everyone hates her and he cannot understand why her sisters love her, controlling her food intake as if she’s a gym bro or something when she clearly had an eating disorder, not telling her that Feyre was not mad at her and letting her BREAK while making her carry a huge backpack and forcing her on a hike not talking to her for days, to the point she fainted and fell on her face near a cliff?? (this because she made Rhys mad). Anyway the list goes on.

And you know what I don’t care if people like this guy after all this, but it is just funny how somehow Neris shippers are the “morally dubious” ones lol (and don’t get me started on Tamlin stans aka the devil worshippers), because Nesta said she “deserved Eris” (as a punishment), babygirl your WHOLE relationship with Cassian has been a punishment, for what sins you ask? Being mean (as she should) and spending the High Lord’s coin.

And what makes it worse is that the narrative will always favor the Inner circle, Cassian will never pay for what he’s done the way Tamlin has (and still is) he will never even apologize because he was “holding out his hand” or whatever bs that was. (Honestly if I get proven wrong and he does pay and apologize then I may give him a chance, but I highly doubt it)

I won’t even pretend that I think Neris will be canon as much as I wish it was, even if I know that if SJM wrote it, it still would have had its problems but at least Nesta wouldn’t have ended up with the people who treated her like a criminal just because she wouldn’t kiss their ass. And on top of all, with a mate that doesn’t even have the balls to stand up for her. Holy shit.

Okay I got it all out of my chest I think, I’ll try not to hate so much but this shit bro makes me seethe. I’ll go touch some grass.

#cassian they can never make me like you #anti cassian #anti inner circle #anti nessian #from a former nessian girl #pro nesta archeron #pro tamlin

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

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AITA for how i broke up with my boyfriend?

(hopefully this all fits in one ask…)

so i was dating this person, we'll call him Z, and while i had strong feelings for him in the beginning of the relationship, they faded kind of fast (i'm on the aromantic spectrum (and he knows this so this kind of thing happens a lot when i'm in a relationship). i felt kind of bad about being in a relationship where i didn't really have feelings for the other person anymore but i didn't know what to do, and i've broken up with almost all of my partners because of this issue so i felt like i was a failure for having to break up with another one.

instead of breaking up with him, i sort of tried to respond a little less, be a little less affectionate, not to an extreme amount and i was still responding to him often but i was hoping the dip in sweet responses would get him to break up with me. he didn't.

a month or two went by and i decided i needed to just bite the bullet and break up with him - i thought he would just accept it and saw me as a bad partner but apparently he didn't, and he kept trying to say we shouldn't break up. i told him i thought i was a bad partner and i knew i couldn't give him the love that he deserved (which was true, i couldn't, because i didn't love him like that) and that he deserved better (he did). i didn't want to admit that i had lost feelings and wasn't in love with him anymore, because i thought that would upset him further (i’ve seen many breakups where people admit they don’t love the other person and it always seems to make things worse). it took a while of back and forthing before he finally accepted the break up. we agreed to still be friends, but since the breakup we haven't really spoken, though we still follow each other - or at least we did for a while (you'll see why i say that)

pretty much immediately after i broke up with him, one of his best friends, we'll call them T, texted me, super pissed off that i broke up with him. i didn't really talk to T much because (while i understand why Z wanted to vent to a friend about it) it wasn't really their business why i did what i did and i wasn't concerned about defending myself to somebody i didn't even really know. however, right after yelling at me for breaking up with Z, T told me they hope i die, which while i don't really see as that dramatic or serious of a threat (and they admitted they just said it to get their anger at me out), it still hurt me a lot, since even though the break up didn't go smoothly, i can't control my feelings for Z, as again i am aromantic (spec), and it made me feel like a horrible person for something i didn't choose. (and they were specifically mad at me for breaking up with them in the first place, not for how the break up was handled). i feel like maybe if i had explained that id lost feelings they would have responded differently, but again i thought this would hurt Z worse, so i don't know if that's my fault or not.

however, we still followed each other, even after the interaction with T, and this is not the only time they lashed out at me. months after the breakup, i made a silly post like "who wants to date for fun" or something, which i didn't really think anything of, until Z vagueposted about it, seemingly getting really upset, and T sent me an anonymous message telling me to kill myself. i know for certain it was T and that the vaguepost was about me.

not only that, but even more months later, i had a really awful day because somebody stole $500 from my sister, who needed it for rent. i didn't post about the situation, but i vented about "having the worst day ever", and Z immediately posted about me, saying that he was laughing at my vent post. i was so beyond upset that i immediately unfollowed him (however, he still followed me at the time - i didnt block him just because i dont care enough tbh, i just never wanted to see him vaguepost me negatively again.)

Z and T were almost always completely kind to me (from what i can remember) before the breakup, so i'm wondering if it's all my fault or if their reaction was out of proportion. i know the way i went about the relationship sucked, so i'm honestly expecting at least a YTA if not ESH but i thought i'd send anyway just to see other peoples unbiased thoughts, since all i have is my friends opinions, who obviously only tell me that i was in the right (i dont know if i believe them).

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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ophelieverse · 2 years ago

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Babes can you please write an imagine where instead of Aegon iii is Y/n,his older sister,Rhaenyra and Daemon daughter to sit on the throne in the end?Also it can be a Aemond x reader where he puts the crown on her and he’s more than happy to become the Queen consort?

❥Forever may she reign: “little dragon”

Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

I loved this request,i’ve decided to come back after the holidays with this so i hope y’all like it!💕💕I will make a part 2,cause i got a little carried away,sorry.Reader is a Targaryen so she will have their features,also incest(uncle x niece)if this makes you uncomfortable do not read,age gap and some spoilers.Thanks for requesting and let me know what you think💕

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Some children come to the world to change it forever,to leave their name behind in history others are simply born with tragedy in their veins.Madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin.Her mother always used to tell her:

«Every time a new Targaryen is born,the gods toss the coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land.»but every child knows that the Targaryens have always danced too close to madness.

Y/n had learned that in life there were things that she was looking for and others that come to look for her.She didn't choose them and she wouldn't want them either,but they came and at that point she was no longer the same.So now there was two solutions:either she run away trying to leave them behind or she would stop and face them.Whichever option she would choose would’ve changed her,whether for better or for worse depends on her,on how she would’ve reacted.

She wasn’t prepared for this,all the hours and days that she had spent studying wouldn’t made up for what she was named to face.It's was all about making a choice,choosing the right thing to do.It seems easy to say that,but,for her it was not at all.It involved taking full responsibility for the consequences generated by every single decision she would’ve made and accepting the risk.

In only three years everything she had knew and held dear to her heart,changed completely.But that’s how’s life was supposed to be wasn’t it?She changed herself and everything changed around her,sometimes faster sometimes more slowly,sometimes more obviously others in a more cautious,careful way, without realizing it.Every change was a kind of little death,she had found herself having to leave something,something that for her had become a reference to look at a future that seemed rosy to her.

In between madness and greatness,Y/n Targaryen was born nine months after the wedding between Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen,heir to the Iron Throne,and Prince Daemon Targaryen,the Rogue Prince,brother of the King.

The young princess was a beautiful girl,with dark purple eyes which looked almost black,and silver hair which was so pale that looked almost white.The gods gifted her with the beauty of a true Targaryen.She was born in King’s Landing,to grant the final wishes of her old grandfather the King,the first day of the Long Summer,giving her the name of “The realm sun”.

While everyone in the Capital were celebrating the birth of her only daughter,Rhaenyra had wrapped her in a dark cloth,keeping her warm and safe to her breast«Your brothers are sons of the realm»she had whispered,eyes foggy with tears and face hurting for the big smile on her lips,«but you,my Y/n,my beautiful daughter,shall be all mine.»words were not enough to express the unconditional love that existed between a mother and a daughter.

A mother’s treasure is her daughter and growing up from the sweet little girl that her mother had,so much,dreamed and wished for,Y/n knew that she was different.She was a bright girl and noticed thing rather quickly,while she had been born with the Valyrian silver hair, her three older brothers all had dark brown locks on their head.While Jacaerys and Lucerys,both betrothed to her older sisters Baela and Rhaena,were named heirs,to the throne and to Driftmark,Y/n was to be someone wife.

She wasn’t born to rule,to wear a crown on her head,to sit on some important chair and to hold an important position.She was born to be her mother’s daughter,the most precious thing that Rhaenyra had and always dreamt of.She had spent her days in the Red Keep,with her family,under the loving care of her mother who seemed to have eyes only for her,and when she wasn’t at the Dragonpit with her dragon Merax,she often found herself walking in the shadows of the throne room.

Her mother was named heir moons ago and after her the throne would’ve had passed to Jacaerys,then his children and so on.Y/n had just to look pretty,to be eloquent and kind to be married to a fine a suitable husband when her age would’ve come.

It was her duty,as the only daughter of the future Queen,she had knew that since she was just a child thanks to her mother tenderness,her father overprotection and for all the hours she had spent in her room with her Septa.She knew that,but he had ruined it all for her.

Aemond,her uncle,her mother younger half brother,a man who was much older than her,was the bane of her existence and the only object of her desires.She had thoughts about him that she couldn't control and he followed them all.Whatever she felt,whatever she wanted he followed her.And in that moment,all the things that she knew about herself disappeared.She acted like another person,yet she felt like she had never been so herself until then.

In the beginning she wasn’t actually in love with him,but she had always felt a kind of tender curiosity towards his dark a mysterious figure.Of his long pale hair,his sharp jaw,the shape of his beautiful,the way he stood there composed and quiet.

Her uncle had always been nothing but kind and tender towards her.In the long summer days he knew how to peal oranges neatly,her favorite fruits,the section came apart cleanly,perfectly in his hands.When Y/n,sitting next to him at the table,tried to peal her own oranges she would tears holes in it.Juice squirts in all directions,leaving her with a pout on her lips and teary eyes.

«Uncle»she would’ve cried«I don’t know how to do it!»

Aemond would’ve then gave her his oranges,completely without the peal,telling her that one day he would teach how to do it alone but she hoped he would never did.In the intimacy of little moments like that,she had soon realized that he was her favorite person.As a child she had always searched for the meaning of it all,the big “Why?”.Her father often told her that there was no big purpose,but that day she had the most delicious orange and kissed Aemond on the cheek for good night,being around him,she thought,was enough purpose for her.

The memory of the public rejection still rankled,even after all these years.Many a night she had watched prince Aemond in the halls,training with the sword and studying history and philosophy.Had any man ever been so beautiful?He was more than a man,though.Just like hers,his blood was the blood of old Valyria,the blood of dragons and gods.

When Y/n was just a little girl,her mother had promised her that she would marry Aemond. She could not have been more than four or five.«Never speak of it,my sweet girl.»her mother had told her,smiling her secret smile that only Y/n ever saw«Not until His Grace agrees to the betrothal.It must remain our secret for now.»And so it had,though once she had drawn a picture of herself flying behind Aemond on a dragon,her arms wrapped tight about his chest.When Jacaerys had discovered it she told him it was Queen Alysanne and King Jaehaerys.

She was seven when she felt it for the first time,the little vibrant spark in her chest,the sweaty hands,watching her prince in the flash again after her family moved from Dragon Stone back to the Red Keep.He was a handsome boy,almost a man with the most elegant demeanor she had ever the pleasure to witness.She had spent all her days in the Dragonpit with him,Y/n was still very young,just a little girl who eager to learn and to be able to fly to suppress Aegon cruel jokes about her not being a true dragon.

Her dragon,Merax,a dark blue female dragon with big horns on her head,was still too young to for the princess to ride her.But that didn’t seem to stop her,to put her desire to be like everyone else in her family.One morning as she tried to sneaking out from the Red Keep,a dark red cloak on her shoulders,a heavy hand was placed on her head.

«Little dragon,don’t go too far.»the beautiful voice of her uncle ringed in her ear,as she stumbled to walk away from his grasp.

«Leave me alone,i’ll go wherever i wish to!»she protested,now in the middle of the city chaos.

«Y/N… Don’t be so childish and come back here.»he called after her again with a sight.

«I don’t-»she tried to say,walking slower and bumping into people.

Aemond was finally able to reach for her,to grab her by her arm and keep her close to his body«Little dragon.I don't like to repeat myself. You stay where I can protect you.»gods be goods,he wouldn’t even imagine what could’ve happened to a child,a princess,in the streets outside the castle if he wasn’t there.

Thinking that she was in trouble and that her uncle was mad at her,Y/n sniffled in his arms«I’m sorry,i just wanted to fly like you.»she had cried out,pressing her hands on her eyes.

He smiled,understanding a little too well the feeling that was causing her such discomfort and,unlike his parents,he really wanted to do something to put a smile back on her little face.

«I’ll take you flying.»Aemond told her,holding her hand trough the crowd«Vhagar can’t wait to see her favorite princess again.»he continued making her giggle.

«She’s been following you everywhere like a lost puppy.»she had heard the same night,the drunken laughing of Aegon,the uncle that she despised the most«It’s seems like you got yourself a wife finally!»he jokes again,stinking of wine and with the cheeks redden by the alcohol.

Aemond didn’t drink that night,he was sitting with his older brother just because his mother forced him to«Are you jealous,brother?»he asked with a low voice.

Aegon almost choked,putting his golden cup on the wooden table«Jealous?She’s an idiot.»he answered,like he wasn’t already making fool of himself by spilling the rest of the wine on his chest.

«Y/n is young,but she is the most intelligent person i’ve ever met.»Aemond correct him,a stern look on his face lit by the candle lights«Unlike you she knows when its to speak or to keep her mouth shut.»he continued.

«That’s mean you are really considering the idea to marry her?»Aegon ignored the offense,too drunk to care,while a servant was fetching him another cup.

Aemond stayed quiet for a bit,she was still a child and he was a grown boy,he was her uncle and he brother had took his eye but«I will if one day they decide to betroth us,fulfill my duty to keep our Valyrian blood pure.»but what made her heart race in her chest with a new exploding sensation was«I’d tear down the whole sky for her,if she asked me.»

When she was eleven she finally understood,the sweaty hands,the heart beating fast,the nervousness in her veins when he was close to her.Her uncle had been away for one of his travels for just three days,flying to Essos,and she missed him dearly.She understood when its hard saying goodbye to that person,even for a short time,when everything seems to revolve around him,all that she could ever think is him.From when she woke up,til that time she was about to sleep,when everything about him feels so good and right,when even the worst days becomes great just cause that person is there.One single smile,melted her heart,one frown,made her heart ache.When even the things she used to hate,instantly becomes her favorites.Her patience becomes longer,times with him,feels time flies so fast,but hours without him feels like months.

«I brought you something.»Aemond had told her,his tongue rolling around each word he spoke in Valyrian.

He only spoke it with her,he had personal offered himself to the Septa,to be his niece teacher and it made her feel special.

«You didn’t need to.»Y/n answered in Valyrian,her cheeks were as red as the beautiful long dress she was wearing and she thanked the gods that no one was around,in the empty and cold halls of the castle,to witness that moment.

Her uncle had came back later in the evening and as soon as she heard the news from her sister Rhaena,she fled from her presence and ran trough the corridors to find him.She wanted to be the first one to greet him and he had the same idea,bumping in each other on the stairs as they tried to be with the other.

Aemond suppressed a laugh in his chest«I know»he said nodding,then switching to the Westerosi language once again.«But this made me think of you.»from his pocket,a shiny necklace was dangling in between his long fingers.

Y/n hand reached in front of her,tracing with her fingers the cold metal«Valyrian steel.»she noticed out loud.

«A little dragon for my little dragon.»Aemond murmured high enough,only for her to hear,addressing her with the nickname he always used to call her.

«It’s beautiful.»she breathed out,her heart was beating fast and a warm sensation was spreading all over her chest,her back and her neck when she noticed the little dragon pendant with red rubies on it.

He smiled,nodding his head,happy to know that she liked his present even though that a small steel dragon was nothing compared on her glowing beauty«Turn around.»he ordered then,moving her long pale hair to the side and placing the necklace on her pure and delicate neck«So that whenever i’m away,you’ll find me right here with you.»he said with a calm voice that put her at ease once again.

Thirteen and new to womanhood,princess Y/n wore a beautiful azure dress with golden embroiderers on it.Long streamers of red and gold and orange silk had been braided in her hair like flames,during her Name Day a tournament was hosted and Aemond,who never cared of these sort of things,attended as a knight,wearing a dark green plate over golden ringmail when he cantered onto the lists.Her two older brothers,Jacaerys and Lucerys,fell before his lance,along with a dozen of the finest jousters of the realm.

Her mother had confided that truth to her before the tourney«You must be especially beautiful,»Rhaenyra had told her,fussing with her dress,«for at the final feast it shall be announced that you and Prince Aemond are betrothed.»in her mother she could hear and feel the desire to bring the family back together as one.

Y/n had been so happy that day,but her laughter died at the tourney end.

By night she was alone with him in the gardens,while he read out loud one his books.When she was in his presence,Y/n had almost drowned in the depths of his sad purple eyes.He has been wounded,she remembered even though she was just a small child when it happened,but she would mend his hurt when they will be wed.Next to Aemond,even her brothers had seemed no more than callow boys.Her uncle was going to be her husband, she had thought,giddy with excitement,and they were going to be very happy together.

There had been no final feast,no toasts to celebrate her betrothal to Aemond.Only cold silences and chilly looks between the Queen and her mother.Later,when the Queen and her son and all her gallant knights had departed,the girl had gone to her mother in tears,not understanding.

«I proposed the match,»Rhaenyra told her,«but your father and Alicent refused to hear of it.»she explained.

Her father,Daemon,would’ve rather die or feed his youngest daughter to his dragon than see her married to one of the Hightower kids.Queen Alicent had the same idea,the thought of her favorite child being promised to what came out from her once best friend and the rogue prince made her sick.

«Dry those tears,my sweet girl.»her mother held her lovingly in her safe embrace.«Have you ever seen a dragon weep?Your father and i will find another man for you,a better man than Aemond.»she reassured her,caressing her back.

Princess Y/n was sixteen now,only sixteen,a child-woman of surpassing loveliness when she had realized that her mother lied.That her father failed her and that Aemond was failing her now.Her parents did not found a better man,they wanted to give her Cregan Stark,son of Lord Rickon Stark and heir of Winterfell.She had never seen him in o person,only heard stories about the young wolf in the north,but that’s was enough for her to know that he couldn’t compare with Aemond in any way.

Y/n wanted to be loved,she was supposed to.She was the most beautiful girl in the whole Westeros,she was kind,intelligent,full of life and brought light whenever she went.But how selfish it was for her to crave someone in that way,like he was hers to love at all.She didn't wanted to go through that awkward phase of getting to know to someone.She just wanted to lay her head on Aemond lap and feel his fingers running through her hair.

«I don’t want to marry some Lord son»Y/n said,she was standing in her father presence,the same touch of fire in her tongue«I want to chose who to be promised to.»she informed him.

«Silly girl.»her father told her the same night he revealed her his plan for her betrothal«You think this is what you want,but you don’t understand how much it will hurt.»shaking his head,refusing to her the name of one of Alicent children coming from her mouth.

For Daemon,his youngest daughter was just a little girl with a stupid crush.But it wasn’t just a crush and it wasn’t even stupid,she knew what she felt for Aemond and it was too big and too important to be called that.

«You married my mother for love.»she remained him,her voice firm and strong.

«Have you ever been in love?»her father asked her suddenly,sitting in his chair in his chambers.

Before Y/n could speak,her father did it for her«Horrible isn't it?It makes you so vulnerable.It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.»Daemon told her,sounding sour.

Not all love is gentle.Sometimes is gritty and dirty and possessive,sometimes is hurtful and rough.Other times it’s not supposed to be soft and carefully at all.Sometimes it feels like teeth,broken glasses and bloody knuckles.

But«I’m willing to pay the price if that mean i can love and be loved by who i want.»she said,swallowing the hard lump in her throat.

Her father scoffed«The problem with you is that you always want to be loved immediately.Cregan Stark will learn how to and you will give him the time to do so.»he firmly said.

Aemond had found her that same night,hidden in the library,sitting at their special place.Gone was the little girl that used to jump in her chair while he read for her,the whining princess whenever she couldn’t pronunce correctly a word in Valyrian.Princess Y/n was a young woman now,gifted by the gods with the most beautiful pair of rosy cheeks,the most bright smile and delicate and soft skin.

He wished he had both of his eyes,full vision to take in all of her beauty.He had witnessed her changing trough the years, “The realm sun”she is ever the beautiful one,as lovely as a flower and more vibrant than the sun.

«Are you enjoying the book i lend you?»his voice was warm and delicate,it surprised her when she felt him coming closer but she didn’t flinch,feeling safe around him.

Y/n was sitting in her chair,her back towards the door,a book in her hands«Not much.»she mumbled out,while her hand supported her head from falling on the table.

Aemond chuckled,taking a sit in front of her«It gets better i promise.»he reassured.

She huffed,only now he noticed,under the candle soft light,the way she was playing with her necklace.How her fingers traced carefully the cold steel,it made him feel warm on the inside and he knew it was wrong.He was her uncle,he was much older than her but even though he was ready to marry her if they had betrothed them,now he couldn’t.

Y/n was promised to Cregan Stark and he was promised to Cassandra Baratheon,the eldest daughter of Lord Borros Baratheon and one of the Four Storms of Storm End.

«I don’t think so.»Y/n said,turning another page«I’m almost at the end and they are still not together.»she informed him,her eyes not leaving her book.

«Sometimes,not matter how much we try,two people can’t just be together.»he admitted,his words were heavy just like the air in his lungs.

She shifted in her chair,her purple eyes were now on him and he felt himself lit on a flame.He was a dragon and dragons doesn’t burn,but she had bewitched him,body and soul,just a look was enough to start a fire in him,a touch to leave him in the ashes of what he was used to be before her.

«Don’t you find it sad?»Y/n was fidgeting with her fingers,her lips trembled a bit.

«What?»he asked,laying on the chair.

«That’s sometimes even love is not enough.»she stated,a melancholy veil covered her beautiful features.

«What its love for you?»he asked then suddenly,his fingers shook with the wish to know.

Y/n remained quiet for a few seconds,her eyes never once faltered away from his.She could fel her own heartbeat ringing in her ears,her throat dry and her lips glued to each other but before she could think,words came out from her mouth:

«Once i read in a history book about a woman who ran to pick up the severed head of her husband in her skirt.»she started to explain,pausing for a moment«When i was little it was too gruesome for me and i couldn’t understand,her husband was a horrible man who killed thousands of innocent people.»she remembered,watching the way her uncle was listening close,she continued«But now that I’m older I think that,yes,i would pick it up too.I have to pick it up,i can’t let it fall to the ground so i would’ve run to catch it with my skirt.»her words were full of tenderness and softness,it made her heart ache.

Aemond looked at her,amused and understanding completely her point of view but he had to ask«And why would you do that?»

«I think in the space that someone create in love,you can say and do anything and i will not abandon you.»she said«Tell me all the worst thing you have done and let me love you anyway.»she didn’t wanted to beg.She knew that Aemond could feel it,her longing,her need for love.She didn’t wanted to beg,but gods,couldn’t he just love her a little?

«What about you?»she asked when he didn’t said anything.

His idea of love was not as deep as hers,it was something simple,something daily that he experienced with her.While he was looking at her,sitting in front of her,he was thinking about back hugs,when someone comes up and hugs some else from behind,taking them by surprise.

The back is considered a weak point in the human body.It's unguarded,vulnerable,and there's a reason that a euphemism for betrayals is being stabbed in the back.

But then he imagined loving someone enough that when she hug him,enveloping him in her arms unawares,starting from the part of his body that is always dangerously exposed,and he was so comforted by the smell of her and the warmth of her and he felt so cherished and experience a sense of security so deep and so immense that even if he was in the world's most massive fortress nothing could make him feel safer than being in the arms of his lover.

«You.»he answered simply,without stuttering,without regret.

Y/n eyes became big like cups of tea,her mouth parted slightly and her cheeks were on fire just like the rest of her«Me?»she sounded surprised,making him winch a little.

«Yes.»he nodded,his voice just a mere whisper as he stood up walking towards her.

But love had always been something heavy for him.Something that he had to carry. However,his soul was so shaken that he never told his love,he never revealed how absolutely that girl,his niece,had taken possession of his soul.

Aemond cupped her cheek,stroking the soft and warm texture of her skin with his fingers.His thumb hovering on her bottom lip,he knew he had no right to touch her,crave her like air,but he did both.And when he put his mouth on hers,he recognized the taste of her,like she’s been made just for him.

«When we are together,life just seems so right..you know?»he breathed against her lips,his eye closed just like hers«Is it the same for you?I hope it is.»he felt her nod aggressively,placing her hands on his and pulling him against her for another kiss.

It started many months ago,a unrequited and secret love story that was destined to end together with the long winter,when both Y/n and Aemond would’ve married to different people.Invisible to everyone else,intimate touches.Touches without a reasons.Simple extensions of his love.He doesn’t think about it. His hand on her back,his lips on her shoulders.Temporary,brief gestures.That´s how he communicates.By these touches only she knew existed.

The first day of the summer,a sunny and warm morning,where the air smelled of flowers and fruits and everything shined under the glowing sun,Y/n held a old vase in her hands.The same vase that Queen Alicent had gifted her mother and that the young princess and her uncle had broken once,stumbling in her room while kissing each other and without noticing where they were going.

«Why do you enjoy walking outside so much?»Aemond asked,he trailed after her,his boots marching on pavement with every step he took.

«It gives me time to think.»Y/n simply stated,on her beautiful face a little smile that reflected the sunlight on her rosy cheeks.

He nodded,keeping his eye on her smaller figure.Memorizing every detail of her,barefoot walking in the nature,of the way her long pale hair bounced in the warm air with every step,the little flowers embroidered on her pink dress,the way her hands were holding the little porcelain vase as if she was afraid to drop it once again.

«And why did you ask me to come with you?»his voice was firm,hiding under his tongue and in his chest,the spark he felt whenever she was close to him,whenever she wanted him to be in her presence.

«My thoughts are much nicer when you are with me.»she shyly admitted,her voice was soft and he almost didn’t heard her,but he noticed the way her shoulder shook and how she tucked her head down.

He laughed under his breath,just the night before she had kissed him and slept peacefully in his arms and now she felt embarrassed about her feelings.

The gardens were beautiful that time of the year,different flowers blossomed on the bushes,little birds chirped in the trees«It’s really a beautiful day.»he lied,he knew exactly why they were outside and what they were going to talk about.

«Everything is different with the sun.»she told him,placing the vase on the ground and starting to pick up some flowers for it.

«It’s warmer.»he sarcastically noticed,making her chuckle.

«And our armors will melt,revealing who we really are.That part of us that we keep in the shadows that search for light.»she quoted one of their favorite books,while holding two daisies and a orange rose in her hand.

«That’s mean that you are going to tell what’s been bothering you all morning?»Aemond said,crossing his arms behind his back and a serious expression on his face.

Y/n swallowed hard,she had breakfast with her mother only a few hours before.They were alone in the terrace,the round table filled with her favorite sweetnesses but she didn’t touched any.She and her mother understand each other but she doesn’t think that they want to.Rhaenyra sorrows and regrets,Y/n dreams and hopes,mirrored eachother like night and day but the mirror is cracked and god she wished she didn't see her mother face staring back from the mirror she tried to see herself.

«Before your father»her mother started with a calm voice«i was married for duty too and it was a happy and loving one.I’m sure that Cregan Stark will be an amazing husband one day.»she tried to reassure her with a loving smile and caressing her arm softly.

«But if you were really happy with Ser Laenor you wouldn’t needed Ser Harwin.»Y/n said,she felt terrible for aiming to that spot but it was the truth.

«Y/n!»her mother immediately scolded,looking around to make sure no one had heard.

The young princess took a deep breath«I apologize.»she said quietly«But loving someone,and being loved means so much to me.I always been like this,but isn’t everything we’re doing in life a way to be loved a little more?»she asked like as if her mother had the right answer.

«For you,it’s not just “loving someone and being loved by someone.»her mother made her noticed,«For you is to love him and being loved by him,trust me i’ve been there and i really wish i could change everything to see you happy.»Rhaenyra sounded like she was about to cry,nothing was more important for her than her daughter happiness«But i can’t,sweet girl,i’ve already tried.Cregan Stark will come here tonight to know you so that by the mid summer you can marry him.»both of their hearts breaking at her words.

Y/n was sitting on the warm grass,remembering her mother heavy words and feeling the tears coming to her eyes again.Of course her mother knew,she had knew her better than anyone else,she had been in her same situations years ago and kept her daughter secret close and dear to her.All the time that she would’ve look at her,sitting beside her younger brother,the lovesick expression on her face,the gleaming light in her eyes,it made her chest hurt to know that in just a little time that would’ve disappeared.

«The problem with me is that i always want to be loved.»she murmured out,keeping her eyes on the ground.

Repeating her father words,out loud and not just in her head like she did all the morning,made her heart ache in her chest and her lips tremble.

Aemond nodded,humming quietly as he took a place next her on the warm grass«Isn’t this what everyone wants?»he asked,not truly understanding his niece words.

She expected too much,from life,from Aemond,from her family,from everyone she knew.It was her curse,to want to be loved just as much as she did and having a sentimental view of life.

«Is it wrong to want to feel loved?»she asked,hugging her knees tightly to her chest as the steams of grass rubbed her bare legs.

«Not at all.»He replied,leaning back nonchalantly

She forced a smile on her lips«Then why does it feel like it is?»

He sighed,pondering the question for a moment before replying.«I think we all believe things that aren’t true to compensate for what we’ve been told to make it more believable.»he told her sincerely,the turned towards her,his gaze softening«It’s never wrong to want to be loved.»

She looked at him for a moment,a small smile spreading across her face.«I wish you were always this nice»she laughed quietly.

His gaze fell downwards as a smirk made its way to his mouth.«Only for you.»

And it was,all his comforting words,all the small gesture,the act of affirmation,the sweet way of making sure that she was always alright and safe in the room.All his heart was her.For him princess Y/n was a different matter.Aemond spent long hours in her company,enthralling her with tales of his journeys and reading for her.He gave her pearls and silks and books and a jade tiara said once to have belonged to the places he had visited,read poems to her,dined with her,hawked with her,sailed with her,entertained her by making mock of his brother drunken demeanor.He praised her beauty,declaring her to be the fairest maid in all the Seven Kingdoms.Uncle and niece began to fly together almost daily,racing Merax against Vhagar to Dragonstone and back.

He held her secretly,possessively,in his heart with such a strength of passion that at times it was hard to believe that she was a separate person with other concerns who will never knew about how he really felt.He had a secret in his heart that beats with her name and that agitation turns on his tongue like a thousand swallows eager for flight when laid his eye upon her.

«Cregan Stark will come here today»she said suddenly,just like an harsh slap on his face,he jolted at her words.

«The flowers are for him?»was the only thing he managed to say,all the other words were stuck in his throat and burning his lips.

Y/n nodded,playing with the petal of a daisy«Father said i had look happy to meet him.»but her expression and her voice were far from it.

«Forgive me,princess,but you are not doing a great job.»he tried to sound like s jester,to crack a joke to light up her mood and to cancel the little pout on her pretty lips.

Y/n didn’t smiled,shaking her head«I know this is my duty.»everyone kept repeating that«but i’d rather serve the realm as a knight with a sword that marry someone that i don’t even know.»she said,keeping her eyes on the ground.

«I’ve trained you well enough»Aemond though out loud,a spark of pride in him«You can easily win a fight with a wooden sword.»he continued with a small smile.

This time she did it too,her perfectly white teeth shined under the sunlight remembering all the evenings that she had spent training with him in secret«I wish i could create a new order of things.My mother tried,but if i was to be the-»

Y/n stopped herself,her lips still parted,the next big word just on the tip of her tongue,her purple eyes widened at the thought she was about to reveal out loud for the first time.Ever since she was a small child her mother used to held her in her arms,walking in the halls of the castle till the throne room.There the young princess had heard stories,coming from her mother mouth,about all their ancestors.Kings and Queens that ruled Westeros before she was born,great warriors,black brides,death of children,legacies till her.She wasn’t born to be part of it,maybe her names would’ve been remembered to have been the daughter of the first female heir or because she would’ve become the Lady of the North.

She loved her older brother Jacaerys dearly,he was kind,dutifully,generous but sometimes she wished that she was born before him.She knew that like this her mother would’ve named her to inherit the throne after her and…but then Y/n remembered,that maybe it was just supposed to be like this.That was the order of things.

«Wearing a crown is a very lonely thing.»Aemond stated quietly«All thrones come at a cost.»he had the same desire once,hearing the whispers of his grandfather and his mother about his older brother when he,the perfect son,was there.

«Then why don’t we run away?»she asked him,her lips trembled and the tip of her nose was red,her hands caressing his.

Aemond force a smile on his handsome face,his heart hurts,clenching with every word that came out from her mouth«You know why,little dragon.Our parents-»but she didn’t let him finish.

Shaking her head«You are the only one keeping us from getting together.»she told him then,her voice sounded sour and her eyes were gleaming,holding back the little tears.

Y/n didn’t needed him to shout that he loved her to each of the four winds.She preferred the silent whisper voiced within his heart,reflected in his eyes.She didn’t needed to flaunt that she loved him and write it up in the sky;the stars have already granted her wish so she kept it hidden like a treasure within herself.What is held inside the world cannot taint.It is best for them to ignore what is a secret held only between their souls.But what she needed was to be free to love him without feeling guilty,without being afraid of being discovered,free to run to him and kiss him in front of everyone.

«It’s not like I don’t want to but you know-»Aemond tried to make her understand,the situation was bigger than both of them and maybe he shouldn’t moved towards her since the beginning but she had taunted his dreams every night in the last years.

«Don’t.»she shook her head,the flowers in her hands long forgotten on the grass«All those things,those excuses,they'll still be there tomorrow,next week and next year.Stop living in your head.Please.Let’s live.Live for us.For our dreams.Let's live our life.»she pleaded,she sounded ridiculous and pathetic but she didn’t care,that was her only demand.

Ever since he was a child,Aemond was very often full of rage and despair.He was always lonely.In spite of all that he was and is now in love with life.He made up stories and forgot about the cold and the dark.He knew these were ways of surviving,but maybe a refusal,any refusal,to be broken lets in enough light and air to keep believing in the world – the dream of escape.He wished he could catch this opportunity in his hands,to be with the person that he loved.

«I know how you feel,but you should marry him.»he said,his eyes was gleaming«i’ll always be here,you know that.»he reassured.

He tried to reach out for Y/n,to see the look in her eyes or to held her close to him.But she stood up,he saw her cleaning her dress and then her cheeks with the back of her hands,she had cried,he heard the little suffocated sniffing witnessed her shaking shoulders.

«I wish you never kissed me in the library.»she was hurt and he was hurting with her.

«Don’t say that.»he got up too,walking fast after her as she made her way to the fountain.

«Why?You said you know how i felt,well here’s another clue:I wish I never met you!»she choked out,not caring if some of the guards or someone else would’ve heard her.

Aemond grabbed her by the arm,spinning her around to face him again.Her nose was red,just like her watery eyes and a painful frown took place were her bright smile was used to be.It hurt him to see her like that,especially knowing he had caused it.

«Did you think I kissed you all these times because I was doing it for the shits and giggles?»he asked,raising a brow.

She scoffed,tried to free herself from his iron grip without success«You did have a lot of fun shoving your tongue down my throat in private.»she reminded him,her cheeks on fire at the thought.

Aemond had put his arms around her,she didn’t fought him this time,letting herself be drowned in his chest as he held her close lulling her to the rhythm of his heart«You know i love you.I’m never going to feel the same way for someone else but sometimes love is not enough.»he had whispered in her hair,a single tear falling from his eye.

That love wasn’t enough she had learned it at her own price.If it was enough to keep a family together,she wouldn’t be who she was now and she surely wouldn’t have to do all the horrible things that kept her up at night.

That day in the gardens was the last time that she saw Aemond and the last time that she seat down at a table with all her family reunited and alive.After her grandfather death,her uncle Aegon was proclaimed king in the Dragonpit,her mother Rhaenyra queen at Dragonstone.All attempts at reconciliation having failed,with the blood of innocent children the Dance of the Dragons actually began.

Y/n had fought nobly,gracefully and with greatness on top of her dragon along her siblings to defend her mother birthright.One by one she had watched all the people that she loved,fall to the ground like flies.After the death of her three older sons,Jace,Luke and Joffrey,the disappearance of her younger one Viserys,in King's Landing,each new betrayal left Queen Rhaenyra increasingly isolated with only her daughter and son,Aegon the Younger,to trust.

Helaena Targaryen,sister,wife and queen of King Aegon II as well as mother of his children,threw herself from a window of Maegor's Keep and died impaled on the iron rams along the surrounding dry moat.She was barely thirty.Queen Helaena had been murdered,it was whispered,and her children before her.Prince Daeron and his dragons would soon arrive at the city gates,and with them the end of Rhaenyra's reign.The elder Queen was hated for it,Queen Helaena was very loved and the people didn’t forget the cruel murder of Prince Jaehaerys by Blood and Cheese,and the terrible death of Prince Maelor.

The throne room was silent,dark and cold,Y/n was wearing her battle armor with her mother banner on it and a black cloak on her shoulders.Her once long hair were cut short and braided to not let them fall in front of her stoic face,her gleaming and loving eyes now distant and filled with all the moments of horrors that she had witnessed and committed.

«There is something that i need to tell you.It might be difficult for you to understand but you must hear it.»her mother was the ghost of what she once was,paler,thinner,her eyes always burning with tears as she spoke quietly.

«What is it,mother?»Y/n asked,her eyes still fixed upon the throne.

Rhaenyra was beside her,not sitting on that old chair anymore«Our histories,they tells us that Aegon the Conqueror looked across the Blackwater from Dragonstone and saw a rich land ripe for the capture.»she started to tell like an old fairytale that her father had told her once«But ambition alone is not what drove him and his sisters to conquest.It was a dream.»her mother swallowed,fidgeting with her fingers at each word.

«A dream?»the young princess echoed,she knew that her family was famous for having dreamers.

Her mother nodded quickly,tracing her eyes in the room to make sure that nobody was present to hear them«Just as Daenys foresaw the end of Valyria,Aegon foresaw the end of the world of men.’Tis to begin with a terrible winter,gusting out of the distant north.»she explained,taking her daughter hands in hers.

«Wh-hat?»Y/n didn’t even known what she wanted to say,stuttering words out as chilly shivers run down her spine.

«Aegon saw absolute darkness riding on those winds and whatever dwells within will destroy the world of the living.»her mother tried to mask the fear in her quivering voice with a serious expression on her face.

«How…how can we stop it?We are in the middle of a war!Mother,i don’t know-»Y/n brain was melting,in those long and cruel three years of civil war she couldn’t understand nothing anymore.

Rhaenyra shushed her immediately,caressing both of her arms with the same tenderness that she had never lost«When this Great Winter comes,Y/n,all of Westeros must stand against it.»she said,looking straight in her daughter eyes«And for the world of men to survive a Targaryen must seat on the Iron Throne.A King or a Queen,strong enough to reunite the realm against the cold and the dark.»revealing to her the secret the her own father had told her many years ago.

«Do you believe it?»Y/n asked her,letting go of her mother embrace to turn and look at throne once again.

«Of course i do and i’m telling you this,this secret passed down from Kings to heirs,because-»Rhaenyra words fell to deaf ears.

«You want me to your heir»Y/n breathed out in disbelief«You want to put this heavy burden on me.»she should’ve expected it,now that her older brothers were gone forever,she was the first in the line in her mother succession.

Even though Rhaenyra loved her daughter more than anything,only few months ago she started to see the woman she had become,the great “She Dragon”that fought in the war and every songs chanted about.She wished she could shield her for this truth,this life that she had found herself in but in times like that,the luxury of well being was something they couldn’t afford.

«Yes»her mother simply said,little tears forming in the corner of her eyes«You must promise me that you will carry it and protect it»she pleaded,but still holding the elegant demeanor of a true queen.

How can things change so fast?Not only three years ago she was supposed to be married off to the north,now,at nineteen,half daughter and half warrior,she was named heir to the throne.The sadness that was climbing through her,from her feet to the back of her neck,wasn’t only hers.It must been her mothers too,a sour farewell untold between the two of them.

Her mother always said sadness is meant to be felt,just as happiness is meant to be endured. She told her to inhale everything around her,every feeling like food to the hungry,every experience like she’s been starved for it all her life.It was her choice to make and she had to make the right one.

Swallowing the lump in her throat,Y/n reached out with shaky fingers,for her mother hand«I promise.»she firmly said.

Rhaenyra forced a smile on her face,enveloping her daughter in her arms,holding her close to her one last time«Take your brother and all the money you’ve found and go to find some peace.»she choked a silent sob in her hair.

Y/n shook her head,burning her face in her mother shoulder like she used to do when she was little and afraid of thunderstorms«I won’t have peace,i will be worried about you all the time.»she cried.

Her mother laughed through the tears«That’s just love.There’s nothing you can do about that.I’ve never loved anything the way i love you and i’ve never fretted on anything more.But this time…you can’t stay and i can’t go.Tell me you understand.»she whispered before kissing the side of her head lovingly.

«I don’t.»the young princess sobbed,clinging to her mother warmth.

«You will,trust me.»she reassured her.

That same night King's Landing rose up.

The bloody revolt began in the alleys and meanders of the Flea Bottom,where hundreds of men and women poured out of taverns, hovels and taverns.They were angry,drunk and scared.From the slums,insurgents swept through the city,calling for justice for the dead princes and their murdered mother Helaena.Wagons and carts were overturned, shops looted,homes looted and set on fire.

Y/n had fled the Capital with her younger brother Aegon,riding Merax,a dragon three times bigger and twice as faster than Syrax,that late evening to land in the Vale to their older sister Rhaena and Lady Jeyne Arryn who gave them refuge and protection.

The news of her mother death,burned and eaten alive by Sunfyre,her uncle dragon,came two weeks after.A month later,the real was now also mourning the death of King Aegon the Usurper,founded dead by his own mother,poisoned by the hand of his own brother.

The burden that her mother had placed upon her shoulders was a heavy one,especially since she had to be strong for her little brother.Every night Aegon,only nine years old,when she would’ve laid next to him in bed had asked her when their parents would come home.Y/n didn’t deserve know how does it feel to feel older before her time,wanting to say so many things and in the end never saying anything.To see things that others don't see,feeling alone in a room full of people she did't care about in a home that wasn’t hers.She didn’t deserves to know what that means admit what scared her without ever accepting it,hearing the voices of those next to her who told her how sorry they were and not listening to anything.Getting lost in her own life that is now filled with the ghosts of the people she once loved deeply.

She just have to accept that some people may be a part of her heart,but not her life.As time goes on,she’ll understand.What lasts,lasts;what doesn’t,doesn’t.Time solves most things.And what time can’t solve,she have to solve it herself and go through this life like they were all still there.

But right now she just wanted someone to come to het and embrace her into their warmth and say:«You did great,everything will be better soon.»and almost like a prayer,it happened.

Aemond came back for her one morning,in the beginning of another winter were the sky was dark and the air was cold.He was different,but at the same time it was still the person she had devoted her love to.When he came down from his horse,Y/n had excused herself from the company of her sister and Lady Arryn,reassuring both of them,and walking outside to him.Why had she pursued him?She had nothing to tell him.To have seen him was enough.He was a sign,a portent,a miracle.

He seemed taller,wrapped in a dark coat and leather pants.She noticed that he had difficulty to walk straight,his left leg seemed to pain him with every step he took.His pale hair were shorter and his sapphire eye free under the morning light.He was a bison,still the most beautiful man in the world.

«It’s you.»she breathed out,her lips trembled and her eyes started to get blurred.

«It’s me.»he nodded,his heart was beating so fast in his chest that he almost couldn’t breath.

From the base of her neck,the curve of waist,to the arch of her eyelashes her beauty made him a slave.Beauty slips inside her soul with every smile on her face,beauty must cram inside her heart cause she have a heart of gold,never fake,she have a touch of grace,and he had missed her with every breath he took.

«What are you doing here?»she sounded and looked like she was about to burst in tears,her body itching to be close to his.

«Come home with me.»he said,his voice was still velvety like she remembered.

The air was cold but in his presence she felt something lit up«Why would I do that?»she tried to sound convincing,when all the she wanted was to feel a familiar touch.

«We need someone to guide us,every one is chanting for the “She Dragon”to come back home.»he revealed,walking beside her in the Vale like they used to do in gardens on the Red Keep.

Y/n nodded,her lips forming a line«I will come home,because is my birthright.»she informed him«Even if i thought that by now you would’ve have the crown on your head.»her words were as harsh as the cold wind.

«You think that i would stole your birthright,little dragon?»he seemed hurt,but she had all the right to think so.

It had already happened and it was about to happen again.The Small Council was reunited that day,two Targaryens,a princess daughter of the Black Queen and a prince,brother of the Green King,were left to rule the real.And meanwhile Lord Corlys Velaryon and Cregan Stark demanded and supported Y/n claim,his mother and Tyland Lannister were suggesting to pass the throne to Aemond.

They even suggested a marrige,but Aemond refused to be wed to her only to share the crown.It belonged to her and he didn’t even wanted a touch of it,only her.It would have suited him to be anything,anything she needed to just be in her presence,by her side again.

«Tell me the truth.»she demanded,standing tall on the ground.

Aemond entire body shivered,his dark coat was shielding him from the wind but from the painful expression on his lover face«Some truths are hard to hear.Aegon was not a bad King,not a very good one but not a bad one either.He fought his own war,he was chivalrous,brave,he spared my life,and the lives of many others.»he talked quietly,his hands behind his back,swallowing every word.

Hearing him talking about his brother,the Usurper who killed her mother made her sick but she had let me carry on«Your mother lost herself in the way,her birthright was taken from her,many betrayed her and the safety of her children came first.I believe that she could’ve have made a good and diligent Queen,if things went differently.»Aemond confessed,looking at her filled with sorrow.

Y/n nodded immediately,her nose was burning like her throat,it was difficult to breathe when she just wanted to cry«She would have been,if your mother didn’t betrayed their friendship.»her voice cold and distant.

«For love»he said«we don’t always do the right thing.»it was clear,all over his handsome face,the painful look of regret.

«That’s why you poisoned you brother?»she asked,her chin was trembling just like her hands from the chilly weather.

Aemond went stiff for a second,this was certainly something he wasn’t proud of,something that will haunt him forever till the day of his death.He still remembered the way his brother genuinely smiled at him after he passed him the golden cup,the blood coming out from his mouth after he drank the wine and his mother heartbreaking screams.

«I did for us.»he answered,without thinking,speaking directly from his heart.

He knew Aegon plans after the war,to marry Rhaenyra daughter and make her life a living hell on earth.He couldn’t let his brother do that,not to his sweet Y/n that he loved more than anything.

«Because you want to be the King?»she suppressed a sour laugh,wiping her left cheek with her fingers where hot tears started to fall down.

«Because i want to be your husband.»he had said it with such a sincerity,that made her head spin.«I don’t want anything else.I want you»he whispered,his love for her shining in his eye.

Y/n had dreamed about hearing these words all her life,to have him proclaim his love for her and how could she become a stranger with someone who saw her soul.Aemond had poisoned her too,he made her weak for him. Not all poisons have an antidote.Some sneak into your soul,stun you with their smell,and have the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen.And there is no cure for them.None.

«It is my crown you lust over-»she had to make sure,he was asking her to choose if she still wanted him after all these years.

«No!»he immediately said,his voice echoing in the Vale«I’m just a man who poisoned his own brother to put an end at this war.It would take me years before i will be able to forgive myself and see me fit to rule.But,forgive me,my Queen,»hearing him calling her that made her belly tickle«you asked for truth,even as a child,you seemed more fit to sit upon the Iron Throne in ways that none of us ever did.»he took a step closer,now he was standing only a few inches away.

«You are saying-»Y/n started with a steady tone.

«That i don’t want the crown.»Aemond interrupted her«I want the person who will wear it on her head.»his hot breath was sending shivers down her neck,his sapphire never shined so bright.

Even after all these years apart,she couldn’t help but missed him.All in him for her was home,from his calmness,his never seen purple and sapphire eyes,the little frown on his forehead,their love for book,their chats.They were both horrible people forced to do horrible things,they killed people that the other cared about and stand in two different positions during the war.But now the war was over,the realm needed peace and someone to bring it.What piece of her heart would she choose?She can only live with one,because the other then inevitably dies.Which piece would she choose?She would have chosen him.

That is what love was,tell me all the horrible things you did and let me love you anyway.Unwrap the worst thing you have done,watch me hold them up to the light and never flinch.

Aemond opened his arms for her and she curled against him.He held her close and kissed her hair.She could feel his warmth.He loved her. He loved her a little too much.A love too calculated.Too thoughtful.A love a little too much.An awkward love that was meant to be natural.Like others.As impressive as others. More impressive.Too much.To captivate her.It takes a lot of giving to not be given up.It takes a lot of love.So he loved his little dragon as much as he could.And she felt cared for,safe in his arms and it was all that she ever needed.

«I was on my own…i was all on my own.»Y/n cried for the first time in weeks,in his embrace.

«Not anymore,we are going home together little dragon.»he promised her that.

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