#my sister gives a fuck but it doesnt get through to either of them

[viviraptor]

i wish someone in this house gave a FUUUUCK. JUST ONE

[mikodrawnnarratives]

Imma be critical of Arcane again for a moment

Another thing that disappoints me w s2 is how them sidelining Jinx and Vi ruins something I was REALLY wanting to see

It'd be one thing if Jinx and Vi were doomed to never mend things but their ending just doesn't feel built up to. That's not the tragedy that season 1 at least feels like is building up to. "I thought you could love me the way you used to. Even though I'm... Different. But you've changed too. So, here's to the new us." That is not a tragedy season 2 supports at all.

Particularly my thoughts are on the scene in s1 where they reunited had me excited that, if they were to bond and make up, part of that would be Vi coming to understand and love JINX too

AND AUGHHH SEASON 2 TRIED TO DO BOTH

They TRIED to give us a Happy Hopeful Future scene AND make them tragic and IT JUST DOESNT WORK

I will forever mourn the unused potential of "are you real?" Where Vi thinks Powder is saying that cuz she thinks she's dreaming, while Jinx is saying that cuz she's hallucinating. There's never any Oh. Moment for Vi. There's never any acknowledgement from either sister sympathizing with what they ACTUALLY went through

Season 2 COULD have done that. They COULD have easily made it so that VI's collapse was meaningful, she hallucinates and is at her lowest and she could understand Jinx. Then Jinx could understand Vi with her experiences w/ Isha, and that sacrifice meaning Jinx understands the weight of being a role model

In general I hate how Jinx's mental illness has been softened and made insignificant, it gets like. ONE scene for how it normally looks, then the silco scene barely looks like what her other chilling hallucinations look like. Sure she's really fucking depressed now but that's so... Not her? Her hallucinations should have been INSANELY BAD after SILCO that kinda thing can't just disappear overnight like her hallucinations did

[crushedsweets]

hey sucker! 😋😋

what would the creeps do for valentine’s day?

like yknow, would some be given small treats or do others treat it like a regular day?

happy belated valentines day! hope you guys had fun and shared some love with everyone around you! this is the closest youre gonna get to x reader content from me.

AGAIN THIS IS SET IN MY AU!!! MY AU IS PRETTY DETAILED AND HAS AN OVERARCHING STORYLINE WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED FRIENDSHIPS, SETTINGS, JOBS, CHARACTER ARCS AND WHATNOT....... so :3 yeah.

Tim and Brian probably don't do much. They'll totally grab some chocolates/candy and eat it, but just cuz its there, not as a gift. if they had a partner, they'd just go get some dinner.. flowers, basic stuff. put on an unironed button up and pick their partner up LOL.

toby might do something depending on where he is in the story. early on, he is not doing SHIIIIT. deep into his friendship with nina(who opens up a lot of his emotional vulnerabilities n stuff), he might feel a little inclined to pick up some flowers for some of the girls in his life (nina, clocky, kate, lazari) just cuz he used to do something small for his sister/mom when he was younger (cuz frank never did shit). if he had a partner, he'd def wanna do jewelry and classic flowers. he likes necklaces and rings and piercings and stuff, doesnt wear them much cuz they get in the way, but likes seeing people wear stuff he got. he's the type to make them turn around so he could put the necklace on them, but if they even slightly laugh at him trying to be sweet, he's getting mad HAHA. "ok nevermind im returning this you fucking suck" (jokingly.. but he is embarrassed). would just wanna stay home though, no nights out or anything

clocky would paint stuff. she'd give nina a portrait of herself cuz nina loooves being someone's muse, do some nice art of forest creatures and leave some notes for toby. she'd feel pretty awkward about it just cuz even when she was with her highschool boyfriend, she wasn't good at giving or receiving affection. if she's gifted any flowers (which she will be getting), she's absolutely pressing them and either sealing them in some paintings, or putting it in frames that hold her old art/art she picked up at thrifts. if she had a partner, she'd obviously paint them or something. i could see her spending a long time working through a journal to gift them, making every 3 pages a painting, drawing, or journal entry expressing something. "today you and i went to get lunch. i think the place was way too expensive, but you liked it." and then empty pages for her partner to fill in with whatever they want.

nina. ok come on. lets be serious. its nina. she's gonna buy everyone(as in toby, clocky, kate, jane, liu) one expensive gift (cologne, watches, shoes, jewelry, makeup) and then throw together mini bouquets, notes, and probably shop lift other smaller stuff cuz 'IM BROKE I SPENT TOO MUCH I HAVE TO' LOLLL.. she's the type to literally decorate her house for it, putting up some of clocky's more romantic paintings (cuz she has a collection of clocky's work), setting out heart-shaped coasters, bringing out heart shaped pillows.... honestly she probably already had those.... she'd absolutely plan galentines dinner for her friends, bake cookies, everything. if she had a partner, it would be really similar. she likes to spoil people, gift giving and acts of service are her ways of showing love - buuuut she does want to be spoiled in return, so physical affection and quality time is what she wants to receive. she wants to be treated like a princess, be picked up, have her doors opened for her, told she looks beautiful, etc.

jack is even less likely to do something than toby. before the sacrifice, he'd grab a cheap bag of individually wrapped chocolates and give them to people he knew around campus. i could see him buying the same chocolates and leaving it in his cabin. telling whoever visits him to take some. nina would leave him some flowers too(say its also from toby) and he'd be really grateful, cuz she'd be very sure to get him whatever he thinks smells the nice. that way he can still appreciate it. if he had a partner, YOU KNOW HE'S COOKING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DINNER AT HOME. he's cleaning up, very awkwardly trying to dress nice. black button up, slacks, slick his hair back(or he'd just do whatever his partner says looks best, not too concerned with his own preference). he'd feel sooo fucking embarrassed and very nervous but he just wants to make it special. he'd write a long love letter, too

jeff isnt doing shit for anyone. he'll go steal some chocolate and mind his own business. if he had a partner, one that he ACTUALLY loved and wanted to keep around. maybe he'd pick up some flowers and chocolate, mainly cuz he knows thats the bare minimum sort of gift. he'd let them demand that day from him, which takes a LOT for him to let anyone feel entitled to HIS time. if he knows they have higher expectations (dinner, a letter, etc) he'd probably bitch and moan and be like "ugh you already know im into you why do i gotta do this shit" but if theyre serious, he'd probably do it. half assed though...

kates also not doing anything unprompted. she wouldnt even know the day is coming around. her only memories of valentines day would be passing out some candy and cards around class in elementary school, but once she was in the forest, nobody gave HER shit. she might pick some flowers and wrap it in some paper for people , but ONLY if she KNOWS they're getting something for her. like, she'd pick nina some flowers cuz she knows ninas doing something regardless, but she wouldnt get toby anything cuz she wouldnt have expected it from him. then shed feel bad. if she had a partner, again it'd be similar. she KNOWS she needs to put in the effort, but she doesnt exactly have the resources... the farm does pay her some cash since she works with the animals, but she mostly just gives it straight to toby so he can buy stuff for the cabin. but she'd keep it this time around, and quietly ask toby if he could come with her to get some stuff for them. some sweets, a necklace, scribble out a little letter. smth sweet.

janes married. and she goes all out of her wife. buys her like a 3dozen bouquet of red roses, sets reservations at nice restaurants, makes mary breakfast the morning of. all of that. i dont even know how to go into detail on this because thats just how it is for her, theres not some turmoil for her to work through. she'd also start getting sally some stuff. plushies holding hearts, balloons, sweet things like that. if she had a partner...WELL SHE ALREADY DOES!!!!

if liu knows nina is going to gift him something expensive, he's doing the same. he's going to grab her flowers and maybe some shoes or something he knows she's had her eye on. he wouldn't be really subtle about it, just text her "whats on your wishlist right now" LOLLL... he just appreciates nina's presence (after they get over the jeff situation) and likes having a little sister to spoil. he'd probably send jane a bouquet of flowers with a thank you note, since jane did a lot for him. if he had a partner, it would also be very stereotypical. date plans, picking them up, flowers, etc. he'd LOOOOVE to make one of those big baskets filled to the brim with random shit. would wanna come home and draw a nice bubble bath and have some wine. stuff like that in general...

ben, lulu, ann, and dina wouldnt do anything and wouldnt get a partner. lazari would draw some pictures for her friends! sally will draw something for jane and mary

[sukibenders]

https://www.tumblr.com/sukibenders/753357046866411521/seeing-marina-gush-to-penelope-about-how-in-her

marina knew Pen feeling towards Colin. I know probably you had been in love and the other person doesnt love you back but i did. And it so painful to see another person making fun if that love you have. marina did that with the unrequited fantasy line . And now, don`t play it like marina really care or love Pen. There, Marina was making fun of Pen too, she was wishing her a life without love. it was Eloise wish to remain spinster but not Pen, she wanted love with all her heart and marina want her to be there watching her married with the man she loves with her friend being a spinster!! BE FOR FUCKING REAL!!!!

(This is going to be long)

No, no, no, let's not solely villainize Marina and go "Oh, sweet Penelope" as if she [Pen] isn't grown enough to know the extent of some of her actions. That's a big reason why I can't stand her character is because of the way fans deny her actions having consequences in comparison to others. I've never said that Marina wasn't wrong for what she did, such as attempting to marry someone and pretending their kids are yours, that's wrong on a lot of levels. But this is set in the Regency era where women don't have many choices, especially in her standing. She was literally about to be thrown out on to the street if she didn't find a suitor. And I'm supposed to care more about Pen getting her feelings hurt over a crush that, sorry, was unrequited at the time? I don't think so. Again, painting Penelope as the poor victim gets really annoying because, okay yeah, she has a crush. Everyone does in life. But that doesn't give her a right to act entitled to said crush's feelings at every turn (nor does it give the fandom the right to do so either), it doesn't give her the right to try and sabotage any other attempts said crush might have with other people behind their back, and it doesn't give her the right to expose their information on a public gossip sheet for everyone to see (both Marina's and Colin's). People get so caught up in Penelope's feelings, and demonizing Marina in the same breath, but also don't take into consideration the impact, while not as severe as Marian's, of what Penelope did to Colin as well (when they aren't busy villainizing him) I'm sorry, but me personally, I wouldn't want to be around someone who leaked private information about me (and someone I was close too) and then continued to talk about it on their gossip sheet, reaped the financial benefits of it, and gave me fake sympathies knowing they were the cause just because they had a crush. Would you? Let's be for fucking real, as you say.

And I'll be honest, I do extend a little more grace towards Penelope now than I did back in the day, but not my much. I would be more inclined of her ending up with Colin if her actions were rightfully called out and she had to work through the consequences of them. But no, that can only happen in fanfic because, apparently, it's wrong to view her actions under anything but a sympathetic lens. And, back to your point, correct me if I'm wrong, but Marina gushing to Penelope earlier in the season about Colin, after their first dance and no realization of Penelope's crush, held no mean attributes to it. Her statement was meant to create a loving bond because, whether you like it or not, Marina and Penelope were close because Marina didn't make fun of her or downplay her at every turn like her mother and sisters. Marina knew exactly how it felt to live under that household, saw a perfect opportunity for escape, and in that escape, not only, thought of bringing Penelope with her or at least providing her shelter, but with her best friend, of whom we can assume Marina knows more about Eloise than she did Penelope's relationship with Colin, because that wasn't revealed until later. So no, Marina did truly care about Penelope. Bringing it back to Colin, who made it clear that, at that point, he had feelings for Marina (and don't deny that he did) why should she throw that away over some crush? Like yeah, what Marina said was a little harsh (and she does apologize later for it), but you're ignoring the fact that, prior to this, Penelope made every attempt she could to be spiteful and rain on Marina's joy (again, before the crush was found out), even turning any positive compliment that Marina gave her as some form of pitty, which it wasn't. At that point, I'd be annoyed too and Marina was far better than me at those points. Now, again, I state this was the Regency era and Marina was running out of time with the only good and less dangerous option of a good life growing farther and farther away, she has to make tough decisions because it's not only about her but her unborn children as well, and I'm supposed to feel more sympathy for Penelope? Her calling Penelope's crush a "childish fantasy" came about when Penelope was trying to withhold Marina from doing something that could have ended up with her finding a good life because Philip showing up was something that no one expected and she was led to believe that Goerge no longer cared for her anymore. But she was supposed to throw that away over a crush? And calling it what it is, even if it was harsh, was not Marina making fun of Penelope. Let's not.

Yes, I have had crushes before, but in no way did I act THAT entitled to someone as a person, especially enough to where I purposely risked someone's life and have said crush still not even consider my feelings. And even if they did, that still doesn't warrant that behavior, and I'm tired of people justifying what Penelope did. I've had a crush on someone, they didn't know about it, moved on with different people one being my friend and you know what I did? Worked on moving on too, because they both were happy for however long they were together, the crush wasn't entitled to returning my feelings, and I knew at a certain point that I had to let go. Was it kind of sad to see Marina diss Penelope's feelings like that? Yeah. And would it hurt if someone did that to me? Yes, but I also won't lie and pretend that that could have been a reality check for Penelope if the show did right. I would have wished that Penelope didn't realize that so late, but sadly that didn't happen. And it's also sad that the fandom to won't let her have an opportunity to move on because, what do you mean Marina was denying her love? I'm sorry, but love exist in many other forms, which Penelope had, and even without Marina in the picture, Colin is clearly shown to not reciprocate Penelope's feelings that way. It's sad how dependent Penelope and some fans feel about that, when it's been shown that, when she tries (get into that later), Penelope can attract people outside of Colin. Personally, at a certain point way before s3, I would've been trying to do that a long time ago. Now, because you said that Penelope didn't want to be a spinster, the statement is kind of laughable because, until s3, we hardly see Penelope make any attempts to find a match with someone who isn't Colin, who still isn't returning her feelings. In fact, we hardly see her with anyone who isn't Eloise, and there are more scenes of her dodging attempts to find a suitor than actually looking for one. She literally uses Marina as a shield in s1 to prevent from doing so so that she can spend time with Eloise! (Ngl, if my friend did that for most of our lives, I too would think that she would want to be a spinster, but Eloise still could have talked about it more with her). It also ignores how, when Colin entered Marina's life again and basically went "Hey, I'm not against playing the second step daddy" Marina still went and pushed him to go and be with Penelope, even though, from what we can assume, they probably haven't seen each other since Marina got married and had her twins.

The reason I don't care much for Polin is because I hardly get to see much growth on Penelope's side at all in the ship, especially due to the fandom making it their life's mission to make Colin grovel for every little thing (some in which he really shouldn't). We got to see opportunities even before s3 of her associating with other characters, one being with Marina and the other being Edwina but they all get thrown out the window as soon as Colin enters the fray. Heck, even when around Eloise, as soon as Colin is mentioned or shows up she's eager to dip and make her way over. She wanted love with all her heart WITH COLIN. She had opportunities to be with other people, but she wanted Colin so bad that she was willing to do anything. Perhaps if the fandom addressed this, if they stopped trying to paint her actions as overly sympathetic and let her be morally complex, then I could get behind it. But no, we have to put the blame on others.

[trainwrecksys]

ok!!!!!!!! i am!!!!!!! going to just say it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! long long post ahead!!!!!!!!!

yes i look like an out of touch stan with a victim complex for one character when i draw no one but bentham in my fanart and completely ignore everyone else to feel sorry for him and yes i am aware and no i dont know if anyone else sees this in me or im just paranoid but bro i am annoyed with myself !!! i hate how stannish i am sometimes because yes bentham had every reason to be called evil but yeah i had a good few reasons to have a complete breakdown when i read that in the book !!!!!!!1 too much writing under the cut about a lot of stuff that is in my head and needs to get out for better or for worse idk

i have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and i do not expect to be forgiven but genuinely the way me being a stupid shameless stan can come off to others even subconsciously is actually important because it makes me look like someone who would see a situation like the bentham siblings' in real life and side with the STRAIGHT WHITE MALE who has made more than mistakes and hurt people in moments of heightened emotion (end of library of souls)- but like not in defense of bentham for ONCE IN MY LIFE everyone feels emotions everyone gets hurt and he had a right to not be perfect after everything he went through but that doesnt mean hurting people is the course of action and bro i have completely ignored that and skirted around it for two years and IM NOT GONNA KEEP APOLOGISING FOR MAKING THIS TOO LONG BECAUSE IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE AND I REALISE HOW MUCH OF A STUCK UP DICK I COULD BE NOT ONLY ABOUT THIS BUT IN GENERAL LIFE AFTER I READ THE BOOKS AND GAINED AN ATTACHMENT TO BENTHAM

the stuff im talking about is honestly mainly between me myself and i and most of the art i post is him either chilling or feeling a bit sad but the way i completely ignore miss peregrine's issues and betrayal to focus on how oh so hurt and betrayed myron was like there was no reason he was exiled

like yes years in a big mansion with three people to keep him company in the middle of devils acre with no way to resolve his trauma can do shit to someone but what about years feeling his sisters guilt, BASIL????? what about how she mustve felt after both her brothers DIED due to their own hubris???????????? what about how she felt she was a bad sister when she literally had to be like their mother with all the baggage she had then actually mother children while thinking her slightly better brother might have been getting better with him saying he was gonna give them info on caul only to see him SIDE WITH CAUL when he had just done something that COULD HAVE HELPED HIS CAUSE and then spitefully capture her and lead them into the mouth of hell OH MY GOD

and how jacob and emma had to deal with his bullshit being all "lets talk over tea!" and waiting for when it was right in the exposition to tell them who he fucking was, then telling them he BASICALLY KILLED JACOBS GRANDPA while giving excuses and them finding out later on that hE KEPT THE SUUL FOR HIMSELF?????? i made some bullshit reason up why he did that for my headcannons but lets be real the only reason they could have at least imagined was that he was planning on using it in the library. the information betrayed them either way and to alma again it was only a stab in the gut because he hurt a guy who was basically her son

overall hes not some aesthetic victimised pookie bear hes a more than flawed man who only did some things to mend his image and cant be excused for what he did and this whole post was basically me shouting at myself

[trickstarbrave]

i am white as a preface for this post. but i do know a LOT of indigenous people given i grew up literally right by a reservation and then went to college near navajo nation.

but lily orchard likes to posit people call her a pretendian because she is light skinned, unenrolled, and has had to connect later in life to her culture. when in fact i think the much bigger issue is the shit she has said about other indigenous people which is honestly insulting and terrible things to say. i guess its not impossible for her to be indigenous and have these extremely harmful, bigoted beliefs, but alongside everything else and her sister's explanations as well as the vague tribe she claims to be from it (Cherokee-unspecified) doesnt look very good

i've met numerous light skinned indigenous people who are unenrolled for various reasons. either they werent allowed to, they were taken from their families and raised by white people, they didn't have high enough blood quantum, or their parents/grandparents did not enroll them because they thought their child would be forced into poverty and be subjected to horrific racism on a societal level. it's complex, and especially in america, the government has made an active effort to divorce indigenous children from their nations, families, and culture as well as trying to de-incentivize enrollment

but frankly none of them have ever had the blaze attitude toward their fellow ingenious people like lily orchard has. she insulted people living on reservations (something they can't fucking control), said she was so thankful she grew up in a white suburban area, disparaged "backwater/barbaric" tribes who refuse to assimilate into white culture, and more insulting remarks.

people dont live in poverty on reservations because they want to or are too stupid to give it up. they are forced to. they were forced out of their lands and away from their homes and everything they knew in a grueling march to somewhere foreign, often lumping tribes that historically didn't get along into the same area with limited resources. they've had their water polluted, animals killed, sprayed with deadly herbicides, had their children forcibly taken, had their languages and spiritual/religious practices criminalized, and so on. these people have kept traditions alive the best they could, often through insurmountable odds. where do you, someone raised more privileged, get off on telling them their backwards idiots "complicit" in their own oppression and poverty and telling them to just give it up and assimilate into white colonialist culture? why would anyone want to give you the benefit of the doubt when you have shown you have no compassion for other indigenous people?

i can't know for certain and it's not my place to call her out but other indigenous ppl have and it's not hard to see why. but she'll never address the real reason why

[spitblaze]

thoughts continue to percolate on Jobswap AU

So, as aforementioned, Therion is a surgeon apothecary who lost faith in himself and his profession after losing a patient who had some significance to him after a preventable accident and then being accosted by the family in his grief. He gave up the whole thing for several years, living in relative isolation close to Bolderfall. Until one day, when a desperate woman shows up at the door and begs for his help. She had heard he was an apothecary with knife skills, and sought him out immediately. Her younger sister, she says, has a giant growth on her neck, and if it doesn't come off soon, it's going to kill her. Other apothecaries have tried, but they all said it was impossible, that it was too difficult to remove it without damaging her wind pipe or major arteries. Or something. Idk. The point is that this situation is really dire and this kid reminds him of the patient he lost so he pulls the scalpel out 'one last time' to save her. She lives, and he remembers why he took up the mantle to start- the purpose of the apothecary. Doing this, he takes his journey.

Chapters two and three are mostly unrelated, basically chapters of Black Jack. Therion goes from town to town, sometimes charging ridiculous amounts of money for surgery, sometimes performing completely free of charge. He saves whoever he can, and those who abuse his abilities for their own gain find themselves with karmic retribution. Throughout the whole thing, though, there's the undercurrent of something worse happening. Another surgeon like him, traveling and charging ridiculous fees. He's a miracle worker, they say- he provides entire new organs when old ones fail, pulls people back from the very brink of death. But when his patients can't pay up, they mysteriously disappear...

Chapter four. Therion meets Darius. Fellow apothecary, wealthy fellow, personal doctor to the Ciannos. He has a proposal for Therion- they go into business, establish their own practice, charge out the nose and turn away all who don't pay. They both have reputations- Therion is the Beast Apothecary, a medic who works so fast and so precise it's almost inhuman, not afraid to use unorthodox methods to achieve his results. Darius is the Miracle Apothecary, a man who can seemingly bring people back from the brink of death with tools and materials nobody else has. The two of them together could do whatever they want, and who would stop them? Therion declines- he prefers the freedom of traveling where he pleases and doing as he wishes. A partnership would complicate things, and put him on more of a leash than he'd like. Besides, he's heard...rumors about what happens to his patients that don't pay up. Darius threatens him and leaves, and Therion investigates later on. Maybe follows some goons from the home of someone who hasn't paid, maybe scopes out Darius's 'hideout' by putting together information given to him by locals. Either way, he gets in, and discovers that Darius has been kidnapping the patients who don't pay up and harvesting their blood and tissue and organs. Horrifying! He fucking kills Darius. Darius tries to give him that 'you're no better than me' schtick but it doesnt work because he's regained his faith! In himself! In his profession! And I'm American so in my head it's a whole criticism of the for-profit healthcare industry!!! FUCK you Darius

Because I like it when stories cross over and it isn't actually a game trying to make sure you can complete all the stories in whatever order you want, Darius is also a major player in Alfyn's story! Alfyn lost his parents to the plague that swept through Clearbrook as a child. He survived thanks to a traveling apothecary, but he had nowhere to go after that ('but what about zeph' idk shh dont worry about it), and ended up turning to a life of petty theft after hitching a ride to Saintsbridge. He joins up with a group of thieves called the Red Hoods, as their newest and youngest member. They're all pretty cool people, somewhere between Robin Hood and Ye Olde Mutual Aid Organization. They look out for themselves and the little guy, steal from the rich, give to the poor, skim a bit off the top.

These guys are his best friends for years, he hones his skills as a thief, learned how the world works and how to help, basically everything he knows he learned from the Red Hoods. All is well until six years before present day, when Alfyn is fifteen. The Red Hoods plan a heist on the Ciannos, a crime family that's been terrorizing locals and hoarding money. Alfyn is briefly held up by helping a kid do something, look for their cat or whatever but makes it to the meeting point in time to see that they were lured into a trap. He peeks from behind a doorway, seeing a red-haired figure laugh about how gullible they were, how trusting and naive they all were for trusting each other. All of his friends are beaten and bloodied, some already dead. One sees him from the doorway and tells him to run, to get out while he still can. To keep the Red Hoods alive. Unable to act, Alfyn flees, only barely evading becoming a victim himself.

Years later he's still saddled with grief and survivor's guilt, thinking that if he had just said no to the kid who asked for help, if he had just taken a different route, if he had just been there to scout ahead, if, if, if. He's carried on the name of the Red Hoods as a one-man gang, unable to bring himself to allow anyone else into his heart that he could just lose in an instant again. He leaves calling cards after robbing the wealthy and unjust blind and redistributing it among the lower class. He does this until he happens to redistribute the wealth from the one family he shouldn't have- the Ravuses. From here it's basically Therion's story, except with Alfyn. You know how it goes. Get the Dragonstones and we'll remove the Blackmail Bracelet.

The end of his story coincides with Therion's story (also thematically appropriate bc im incapable of not giving them a slow burn romance) when they finally confront Darius. Darius comments on how the 'little coward thief' or whatever finally grew a spine, and how he can meet his end like the rest of his little friends. No longer afraid, Alfyn loudly declares that as long as he's alive, the Red Hoods will never die, and in a moment of solidarity, the rest of the party declares that they too are Red Hoods. Its very touching and inspirational and worthy of some Toby Fox music and then they beat the everloving shit out of Darius.

I am aware there are several holes in this story. And to that I say: Don't Worry About It.

[sketchehm]

after initially not liking bbd!sapnap much, he grows on goncho a lot. goncho's actually the one to give him most of the golden apple slices cause the adults are low-key worried about effects on the toddler but goncho doesnt really think this through. this makes sapnap ofc go insane whenever goncho's around (pavlovian response) but also in general like thats his big brother.. there's smth cooler about being w your big brother than one of your million dads come on. you know in that saving Christmas event where goncho died at the very beginning? well for like the entire hour before that sapnap and goncho were like. glued together which was hilarious bc although sapnap is mechanically quite capable idt either of them had a clue of what was happening. I imagine that that's basically their dynamic in the bbdau.

anyways I also like to imagine spreen getting really aggravated that this little goblin creature is also stealing his son now. and of course shadoune serpias and farfa dramatically going ohhhh I see I'm not cool anymore 😔.. the hypes worn down 🥲🥲.. im just not as exciting as I was :( my son fucking hates me.. (insert the miette tweet here 😭😭)

LOL

I can really imagine when like those mission pops happen baby Sapnap is thrilled just cause he likes the noise and the colors of the roulette, but then a giant paragraph will appear and it's just his "Como??"

He'll look at Goncho and Goncho will also shrug like, idk kid let's ask Conter pfft

Like a funny situation I imagine is Goncho not knowing about needing sunscreen(and no one tells him cause he can like....actually read that it's needed) and the baby is like >:0!! You can't go outside without this!!! Goncho will be like....why???

"Uhhh.......No se! Shadouni said!!"

"Ah pues no lo necesito, cosas de bebe seguro"

Anyways I think the baby would be very entertained by Goncho having a severe sunburn, just poking him and seeing Goncho yelp pfft

Baby sapnap will also always want to help Goncho put on his sunscreen after that hehe and Goncho in turn will help the baby put on his own sunscreen too :3

But I do imagine a silly relationship like....the baby is somehow more keen on things than this older "grown up". Like I can't tell you how many times my own younger siblings just knew better than me pfft I think it really helps identifying each other as Equals if that makes sense heh

Cause I'm also significantly older than my siblings (8 and 13 years older to brother and sister respectively) and I do spoil them more than my parents pfft Like I'm always giving them cookies I buy for myself cause I want to and now it's them two just entering my room randomly and asking for cookies pfft(when I have none too) like despite being Older and Adult, I am still Sibling so I am one of Them pfft

I can imagine that's how it is for baby Sapnap and Goncho with the golden apple slices hehe Its Sapnap constantly excited by the prospect of something yummy :3 Sapnap will want to share with Goncho too and give him back one slice so they can eat together!!

Also, Spreen going a little insane seeing everyone slowly fall in love with this gremlin thing. He is just a grown man jealous of a toddler and it's endlessly entertaining for the guys to witness. It's not until the guys ask Sapnap who he wants to hang out with on a particular day (shadoune thinking he's got this in the bag) and it's a very surprising "GONCHO :D!!"

All of them. Distraught.

Them: oh. Haha. Oh ok. We'll just....go die in a corner over there haha. If you need us....We'll be there...........

Goncho: please don't do this, it's just for today

The guys: the baby hates us fr fr orz *despair*

Goncho: guys....

[icyberrydoesthat]

reasons why i think my parents pissed off a fairy before i was born (why i think im cursed)

cursed pieces of media always seem to find me

im not exaggerating when i say ive seen more than my fair share of fucked up stuff. it always seems to land on my cellular device or my piece of paper. ill be simply enjoying a show or consuming a book as one does and the most heinous thing will happen and ill be expected to just carry on. and now i do just that, i keep calm and carry on. more specifically theres one topic that seems to pop up a lot (tw!!) incest.....now now you may be thinking "what!? incest....id drop whatever it was and go reconnect with nature...weirdo" now now lets not jump to conclusions, 9/10 that movie/book/manga/whatever is actually really good (the other 1/10 lands you in therapy) and the incest or whatever never progresses the plot at all, but is a big enough plotwist to give me whiplash. and dont you worry, ive got an example. last year, i needed a book so i went to my schools library with a friend. about 10 mins of searching resulted in no book i felt inclined to read....until my friend gasps, a book in her hands..."Shadowhunters"?? i had never heard of it but apparently it was a big part of her childhood, something that soothed the gaping hole Twilight left...okay ill read i said. reading the first few chapters was great, i could practically smell an enemies to lovers and the big mystery of who and where mc's brother is was lingering in the back, my type of book i thought happily. little did i know....mc and ml were infact revealed to be siblings......i dropped my book. i had already thought it was weird that ml's adoptive brother had a crush on him but that gets crushed quick and now this...? now you may be thinking isnt it illegal or sum to promote incest..? and yes u are right, so you can imagine my deep sense of relief i felt when mc and ml were infact not related... because i didnt know how much more i could take of the ml yearning for his literal sister..(he was relentless...). but it doesnt stop there, for all you sickos out there, the author still managed to weasel some incest in. when the ml and mc are still believed to be siblings by them and everyone, another ml enters, this boy is perfect, maybe even a better fit for mc, girl is feeling it too. turns out this second guy is none other than.....her brother !! shocked you didnt it...(hes completely sick and knows the entire time....he wants his sister). but dont worry guys other than that, Shadowhunters is really good, character development? chefs kiss. i luv isabelle.

all my pens perish

im not exaggerating when i say i probably go through 6 pens a week, either they explode in my school blazer, completely new pens dry out in my pencil case, snap or most common cause, i lose them. i try pencil and the lead snaps in the middle so now matter how much i sharpen it, it will never be useful again. this is a cry for help, any stationary reccs??

i lose everything all the time

would you believe me if i said ive lost my keys a total of 5 times this year? well dont. because ive lost them 7 times and only 3 of the times have they been returned. im a regular at the keymaker.... how many of you can you say that??? i hope none, i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. i think this 'losing stuff' thing ties in rather nicely into my fish memory too, im pretty convinced ive got a rare amnesia that hasnt been discovered yet. its almost impossible, scratch that, it is impossible for me to remember everything for school the next day, ill always forget at least one thing. my friends will try referencing a supposedly funny/memorable thing that happened and ill just stare. theyll stare back and then do everything in their power to try to make me remember...nothing works.

my friends always have the same crushes as me

you may be thinking, well thats kind of normal for a group of girls that hang around eachother to have the same taste in people and i i thought so too, until it was such a regular thing i just stopped telling them about my crushes. i do have a story, start scene-its the end of a history lesson and im really happy, its been good lesson and i love history. im abit tired because its P5, the end of the day, for that reason, im lagging just a little, i leave my book usually at school because ive got two and my bag doesnt need any added weight . as im packing, a boy, a desk away from mine, walks over and takes my book to the cabinet, some thing he really did not need to do. and i don't know why but i guess im attracted to people being nice, even if it was just a decent human being doing just decent things... the next day, i realise i do want this boy, sadly. i had noticed him before, hes the kind of pretty that doesnt need to exist in a boy but if it does, he unfortunately becomes an object of envy. long lashes, blonde hair, droopy kinda eyes that make him look sleepy all the time. we had just never talked, seeing as we never had reason to. the next day, in a maths lesson, my friend says, "hey don't you think so and so is cute..." as shocked as i was, partly because this friend had been gushing about a different boy an hour ago and partly because it had happened again, i think i played the "really? maybe if i squint really hard he's meh" role really well....long story short, they're dating now....

now youve read my reasoning, there are more...but i just cant remember, i just know you see what i mean. my parents deffo pissed off some magical being and in return it cursed their firstborn daughter.

xoxo

A

ps: this is actually my second time re writing this because i accidentally deleted but the world just needed to know...ty for reading to the end <3

[natjennie]

hello mutual jennie natjennie im thinking rn like can you imagine if all the ghosts that had been there when cap was alive didn’t really pay him much attention bc they were all more occupied doing their own thing or thought some other soldier was more interesting or whatever. and then he died and they all realized oh shit this guy has a lot going on and they should have paid attention to what he was doing when he thought no one else was around bc there’s no way he’s telling them anything now. i don’t know where i’m going with this but like. you know

OUUUUGGHGGHHHH that's sooooooooo sad because like. I always forget that a lot of them were around for whoever else's death until it's really explicitly pointed out like fanny telling her story and thomas going "I did know all that, I was there" and the thomas thorne affair with everyone's different recollections of how it happened and the quick scene in perfect day when pat remembers his death but this time the ghosts are there and all wince like. it's hard to reconcile the ghosts as Ghosts in the past, that they've been here in roughly the same state through everyone else that has passed yknow within their timeline. kitty is kind of iffy because everyone seems to know that she's touchy about her sister and it's not wise to talk about her past, but no one outright takes over narrating for her or giving their own perspectives so it's hard to say if they definitely bore witness to her life but.

if the captain just. didn't get that at all. no one knew or noticed or payed attention. that makes everything so much more tragic because then NO one knows him. all those little things that make someone human, the things that only family and loved ones get to see, your quirks and your habits when you're alone and truly yourself. things that you would share with people you trust. NO ONE has shared that with him. because if the ghosts are around then there's always this little seed of hope, right like. when I said a nice word to my plant, someone noticed and cared and it made someone a little happier. or when I tripped and busted my ass it was embarrassing but it hurt and maybe someone felt bad for me in another plane. but if they straight up ignored him. he has nothing to show for his life. I mean we have no knowledge of a family or friends. other than havers but I can't get into that right now. so like.. no one in his life ever got close to him to feed that little spark of humanity. and then no one on this constant other plane of people noticed him either!

the idea that the ghosts don't say anything about cap's life not because they're respectful of his privacy but. because they don't know. and in all those years no one has tried to learn anything about him. they stay silent about the bomb and the letter and his time on the front and his military experience because they didn't care to pay attention to it.

it all just feeds so much into the fact that we are defined by our connections to each other and the idea that humans are social creatures and that like "these are my ribs- as defined by your reaching" or whatever that poem says. I mean. we become who we are because of our reflection in others. names are sounds other people use to get our attention. and he doesnt fucking have one.

[aropride]

i am losing it the tiniest bit .

googling like "my mother treats me like a child" or wgatever just brings up like ppl talking abt their mothers not wanting them to grow up or not giving them enough freedom which is a valid problem and one i have but it is a completely different problem from the one im looking for information on which is that i am a 20 year old man and my mother babytalks at me like a four year old on a regular basis. its drivng me fucking crazy but i dont want to argue and she wouldnt listen anyway she'd probably just be like "i dont do that" which .okay. but like holy fucking shit it is SO annoying and demeaning and WEIRD.

and like i can handle it when she treats me like. a teenager. like whatever im 20 close enough i dont care. but when she treats me like im 10. or 7. or fucking 4. its like. what the fuck is your problem.

and like okay i was thinking abt this the other day bc i was talking 2 my dad like just hanging out and he was treating me like a Person and like. idk i feel like when he had kids he was Expecting and Excited for us to turn into little people with our own thoughts and free will (maybe not the transgender communist thing i think that was a bit far but he's always been supportive in terms of like. me being my own person otherwise).

and my dad volunteers at church with some of the kids like 9-12 age range, and a lot of them have rough home lives and 'act out' cuz of that and he's very patient with them and helps them with what theyre going thru and generally just acts like theyre little people. because they ARE little people. like he genuienly cares for those kids and is always like... taking them to the park and stuff but also like, being character witness for their parents' custody battles n shit like actually helping and suppotying them.

whereas my mother volunteers at church with babies and toddlers and its almost like she sees them as pets. and will complain abt them being annoying or MEAN if they cry or dont want to play with her. like she's nice to them but she will complain abt it as if theyre trying to spite her

and i feel like she didnt become a parent bc she wanted to raise a small human i feel like she just wanted a pet. and shes been better with my sister but when i was a kid the second i was like 6 and developed some free will she kinda like. Moved on from me LOL. and stopped caring abt me outside of like. buying food. wire mother type shit. idk it's just really obvious that my dad cares abt these kids as people but my mother cares abt them for only as long as they dont upset her or do something she doesnt want them to. if that makes sense

and idk its like. i am 20 years old. im not going to go back to a 4 year old with no sense of the world outside of u because I AM TWENTY YEARS OLD. I HAVE LIVED ALONE IN SCHOOL I HAVE GONE TO THE DMV I HAVE WORKED A JOB I HAVE DEALT WITH MEDICAL EMERGENCIES ON MY OWN . i have had to make my way through every single social problem and mental health problem and shit since i was SIX bc thats when she stopped giving a shit about me. im not a child anymore

but i think its also part of why im so fucking bad at Being An Adult. bc she never taught me how do to any of this shit bc she was busy pretending im still a little kid. and now im too anxious to figure out how to do things on my own and i dont know how to ask for help and everything is very overwhelming and she tells me she wants me to get a job but doesnt help and she acts like she wants me to leave but she doesnt tell me that or help me leave and i am SO FUCKING SICK of living at home but i dont have the money or the skills to get out

and she's NEVER helped me with adult stuff either . the only thing i can think of is when she took me to the bank bc i needed her signature to take her off my bank account . otherwise my dad has been the one to help me with college applications + college stuff in general + finances + jobs etc etc . whereas my mother ACTIVELY LIES TO ME ABOUT THOSE THINGS TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY OWN DEBIT CARD !!!!!!!!!!

and it's this fucking exhausting mix of signals where she's like "u need to get a job u need to learn to drive u need to do this and that" but also she Literally , not exageratting , treats and talks to me like i am a child . i am so fucking sick of it it's unreal . i am going to lose my fucking mind .

[kingcunny]

I’m sorry but my mind has latched onto your Female Viserys AU so bad. She’s so interesting. Unlike her parents she was quiet peaceful and scholarly and yet was brave enough to go against the family ‘traditions’ and marry out but still finds herself having an affair with Daemon because who else can ‘understand’ her. The two of them would have grown up in lockstep, surviving as their family dwindled they wouldn’t be able to fully healthily separate themselves. Otto meanwhile just constantly wants power and pride and Viserra in a way gives him both. He has a princess for a wife but also he’s married to someone he Quite Likes. This might be weird but in the show I felt kinda like he tried to live through Alicent so he could be always closer to Viserys. If he had Viserra as a wife, a deeply complicated woman who nonetheless gives him attention and care. He’d never do anything about her infidelity because whatever the fallout that would take her away from him. and Daemon. He grew up probably with the assumption that he’d have his Valyrian bride only for his sister to marry another. Sadly her husband is fucking hard to kill so he just keeps deluding himself that they’ll be Happy Together eventually and meanwhile is Dying each time the kids call him uncle. He will be his sisters dog until the day he dies even if he causes a Lot of Problems unrelated to that because Daemon was created to cause problems.

What do you think the immediate fallout of her choosing to marry Otto would be like though? Before they have kids?

do not apologize i love that other people are into this and i Love ur thoughts about it <3

(i cut out a bunch here im gonna post separately, cause it got LONG)

i have two conflicting ideas for how the otto/viserra marriage goes down.

idea one: shotgun wedding but the bridge is holding the shotgun and the bridegroom is not the father

in this version, viserra and daemon have always been having an affair and he gets her pregnant. she loves daemon, but does not want to be his wife. so instead she goes to her boyfriend otto and rushes into a marriage with him. viserra tells daemon that the babys his though, so he doesnt do anything publicly to try and stop the marriage. trying to like, comfort him with the idea that they have this secret together now. viserra might not be willing to marry him, but shes willing to have his children, and that will always bind them together.

its only after the marriage when viserra starts to show that she claims the babys ottos, but like hes not stupid. he knows the timeline shes given him doesnt work out. (because he was a good 7 star gentleman and did not have premarital sex with her) but he loves viserra, and bringing any accusation against her children or daemon would mean losing her too. so he swallows his pride and accepts her children as his own.

after all she did marry him, so she must love him too. and her children will have his name, and its not obvious to anyone except them 3 that they are not his.

second idea: viserra marries otto the way youd rebel in an alt family by dating a nice boring button-down office worker

viserra marries otto as a way to try and reject her fate. she saw what happened to her mother, grandmother, all her aunts, and doesnt want it to happen to her. so she picks the nice steady man who will coddle her and never make her think too hard about the things shed rather not. she picks otto to reject daemon. and maybe they even drift apart for a few years, each trying to figure out who they are without the other.

but then viserra learns that they are planning to marry daemon off (maybe to aemma?) and viserra is SICK with the idea that she might loose her brother, or worse, have to share him. (either unaware or ignoring the cruel irony that this is exactly what shes doing to him) so she goes to him, starts an affair with him, and convinces him to break the betrothal. and daemon is insane enough to do it, damn the massive political fallout it causes, as long as viserra keeps letting him sleep at the foot of her bed.

but oops! the man you married to save you from a fate of being a political pawn is secretly insane and sick with ambition!

and oops! but you cant escape your family unless you are also willing to let go! and viserra has daemon in a bloody death grip and cant even entertain the idea of him not being wholly hers.

i think daemon and otto have very similar views of each other. neither of them see this relationship triangle as being a 'viserra' problem but rather the others problem. that if only the other man was gone viserra would be Free. and she could truly love and devote herself to HIM, the man she REALLY loves.

but viserra loves them both. in her own way. its not the way that they love her, but if thats the price they have to pay to be with her, then theyll grin and bear it. and just keep plotting to bring the other down. coping. deluding themselves that One Day itll all be better and they will be happy

[scarletwix]

omg hi its the anon who sent the jasico superhero au that was bouncin round my cranium u posted a response to back in like april if u recall i only just realised i never actually sent anything back but i was reading through my old reblogs and wanted to say the stuff u wrote fucks, like its so neat.

i love the groundworks for the worldbuilding stuff u have set up, mentioning unions and insurance stuff its so cool, and the way u gave nico like a kind of lois lane-ish journalist/possibly blogger idk vibe was stellar.

u mentioned debating whether nico would have powers, and id never considered it but immediately my brain went 'what if he doesnt at first, but gets them later on, has to deal with the implications of that on his life and such, and is just confronted with the truth of jason's secret identity, possibly without jason even knowing' idk u don't have to use that if u do wanna write more with it i just figured id share bc it just instantly popped up nagging my thoughts.

anyway yah it was super awesome to see the little idea that rolled around my mind half formed harassing me turned into something so brilliant!!!

(also ty for posting nimona stuff all over my dash ive wanted to watch it and u let me know that it actually came out lol)

OMG NONNY HI HOW DID I MISS THIS

WELCOME BACK TO THE CIRCUS this au has not left my mind literally every time I hear "Last of the Real Ones" by FoB my brain screeches away from whatever I'm writing and straight into jasico superhero au

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! That makes me so happy to hear :D as for the worldbuilding I was blatantly inspired by the book Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots, but I took it in a different direction. The idea of Superhero unions fascinates me, and looking at a world and going "how would people react if this became a normal thing" is something I find really fun when doing worldbuilding.

And yay! I struggled a bit trying to decide what Nico was doing and decided Journalism Major fit his vibes enough that I wanted to run with it!! I hadn't even considered the Lois angle but aslksdflfk that's so fun. Too bad his superman made a terrible impression ey?

also that is a DELIGHTFUL idea. I love having to explore the repercussions of suddenly being at the same caliber of power as the heroes he writes about, trying to decide whether or not he's going to DO anything about this information... Mmmm I love that.

I had given it a lot of thought and my main sticking point was "do I want Bianca to also be alive in this au" because my initial thought was that a lot of Nico's trepidation towards heroes comes from the fact that Bianca was one and was either injured too badly in the line of duty to continue heroing, or was killed outright. I thought it would be interesting to see Nico grappling with that aspect of his sister who he looked up to, and what that profession eventually cost her, especially if she was just too injured to keep going, which would leave room for Nico's initial hero worship of Tonitro while also giving him the skepticism of "this is an inherently unfair system." In the end it didn't matter much to the snippet itself, but if/when I go back and write more (I'll be honest it's not even an if or a when because it's just so much fun for me that I have written a few more little snippets here and there of the au, just nothing polished enough to publish lol).

In any case, I was thinking about Nico having powers at the time of the Tonitro & Waterspout teamup in the ficlet and that he could/would use them to try and find Jason and potentially even help with the evacuation effort. I've got half of a scene written in my head that I now think would work really well as an accidental-identity-reveal that Jason doesn't even realize has happened. That is such a fun concept nonny, tyty

Your idea super inspired me, and I have to thank you so much for sending it over!! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it as much as I do :D

(ALSO LOL I HOPE YOU GOT TO WATCH NIMONA what a good movie. So proud of Nate tbh like what a journey he's been on. I remember reading the webcomic on the Nimona website back in the day and it's wild to see how far he's come.)

[tldrgender]

Im so mad i bought a werewolf novel from barnes and noble bc it looked interesting and the reviews were good but its actually so fucking boring. huge rant under read more ok

the book is called such sharp teeth and its written by rachel harrison. I feel like i might be calling judgement too early on bc im only about 40 pages in but. Ugh. Its so boring.

My main grievances are with the plot. I actually really enjoy the prose, i think thats the main reason i even got as far as i did. Its not clunky, and i really got a feel for the main character’s personality through it.

As for the plot. To start off a huge problem i have is that the synopsis on the back of the book does way more heavy lifting for the exposition than it should. The event that starts off the main conflict, the protagonists bite, is over by page 12. Which objectively isnt such a bad thing, except we’re only introduced to one other character in that time, and its a side character, not even the protagonists sister.

The book doesnt give nearly enough time to establish the setting or the characters for me to care about them before the plot gets going. When the protagonist gets bit, i have no idea how thats gonna effect her life, because i dont know anything about her life. I dont know how her relationship to her sister is gonna change, because i havent met her. I dont know how her relationships with her friends are gonna change, because they havent even been mentioned yet.

And im not even intrigued by her transformation into a werewolf so far because its so generic. I feel like all of the questions the author wants me to ask are answered already, because its a werewolf novel and everyone knows how werewolf transformations work.

I feel like if youre going to write a story using a concept that has already been thoroughly explored in pop culture, like werewolves, you need to introduce something new to it. Either come up with your own unique version of a werewolf, or introduce it in a unique way, so its not immediately obvious to the audience that the cast is dealing with werewolves. Or keep the werewolves generic, but establish your characters and your setting well enough so that the audience cares when things are changed so dramatically. Both methods this novel fails to do.

In order to keep your readers interested, you have to make them ask questions that they don’t know the answers to, and that they know will eventually be answered by reading more. So far the only question i have is, “when is this novel going to get interesting?”

[nathank77]

10/27/24

3:22 p.m

I just hate my family. My mother tried to replace my barricade with a piece of ply wood yesterday that she was going to paint. Fuck off. I took that down and put back up my barricade and said as long as I'm uncomfortable and forced to live with this dog this is the way the fucking hallway is staying.

I'm being held hostage here. There is no other word for it. I have no where to go. Where do i go? My option is suicide or live hostage behind a barricade to protect my tsh and t3.

My mother making that offhand remark about starting drinking bc she couldn't handle me as a child. My sister couldn't give a fuck about me.

And I got randomly mad this morning bc she took my Hawthorne height belt from my stuff (she prob stole my fucking Gameboy and made bank off of all of my Gameboy games and everything which I'm still mad about.) But she took my hawthorne height belt from my stuff years ago and won't give it back. She was like will you wear it? Well prob but you won't give it back cause you got no fucking respect for me. It's either from my first concert or from hot topic I'm not sure but it meant something to me and she won't give it back.

Riley is obv staying and I have no say in it. I'm the problem. I need to get over my ocd and pet the dog and cope. But see I'm not the problem and I can't flood myself like that. I already did and it had consequences. I can't do it. It's not healthy for me but to them my mental illness is a me problem and they are doing the right thing holding me hostage behind a barricade bc of the dog.

Also the dog isn't safe with my family but no one else seems to care about that.

I am considering suicide. I have no where to go and my family doesnt care about me at all. When my mom eventually gets put back together I'll have to climb out through the window to leave the house cause I'm truly not taking care of Riley. I've been done.

I can't live like this but I have no where to fucking go.

[justalilpearlie]

hi guys dont mind me being insane again

im not tagging this too much cus its more of a personal ramble cus idk im feelin silly today and the BPD hits too hard. i wont be explainin what BPD is either so if u dont know either look it up or ignore this post,,

man i. have you ever loved someone so much you cry? /pos

like man i. its not romantic, may i clarify. most of my fps, except for my main one, are platonic. one of them is familial even

but i just. i feel like such a parasocial freako but i genuinly feel so intensely. its so positive too. if you ignore the crippling paranoia i always have abt my fps hating me or me being so intense they get uncomfortable...

but i just??? im not. normal about them.

i dont wanna sound creepy but they make my world so much better. id take a bullet from them. if give anything for them to be alright. i genuinly just REALLY enjoy their company and knowing theyre having fun with me aswell. knowing they enjoy me as a person. that im not a nuisance for the people i love the most.

and gosh i really hope they dont see this. i would feel so ashamed and embarassed if they did.

luckly i have better ways of copying with distress, attachment issues, jealousy, possesiveness, and all that other FUN (not) stuff that comes with BPD or rather specifically having an fp. A nice trustworthy psychologist (if u can afford it) does wonders to you, let me tell you.

its still hard sometimes but ive learnt to deal with it in ways that arent destructive to my relationships with those around me. i can cool down and such instead of lashing out or splitting for the most minimal things.

but now. for whatever reason. i went on a huge "positive" ramble instead. it was meant to be appreciation at the time, and still is, but i feel like its something that couldve scared them off. i showed some stuff to irl friends and online family, and everyone said theyd feel very appreciated if someone told them that stuff, but i cant help but feel is because they're my loved ones also and stuff. i really. really feel like i was too intense. i suck at showing affection in a normal way, a calm way, subtle way, like a normal person.

at this point i think. sigh i think its better if i just say nice things anonymously. i think if people, in general, not only my fps. but if people dont know affection comes from me they'll take it so much better than if they know its *me* in particular. and idk why! its just my brain being stupid again.

brains love doing that, dont they? being stupid. telling you everyone hates you oh so much no matter what you do. that theyre lying behind your back, and hate you in secret, theyre just being polite and allat.

well let me tell you, dear reader, whoever the fuck might read this, specially if its from the bpd tags: thats not true. sure, there might be assholes out there, but those people you think hate you despite how close you are, most likely dont. and i cant even get this through my own head but my sister repeats it to me all the time. "[name] talks so nicely about you and seems so happy seeing you". even then its hard to believe, i gotta stare at nice screenshots ive saved where i believe ive done something good, something worthy of appreciation, something that has not only meaning but an impact, a possitive one. and i know the chances of them actually hating me are low, but i still believe more in those chances than the proof.

i feel a bit delusional in a way. and i mean, i am, often times. but this is one of those thoughts- those god dammed thoughts where you're self aware yet- yet it doesnt shake the feeling away, you know? like no there is no proof, no logical proof at least, only what your mind twists into proof. but you still just "know it", yknow? even if you dont actually know shit and are very wrong. you feel like you do and it- it fucking sucks.

dont even get me started on splits and mood swings, highs and lows. Cause well. THATS NOT THE TOPIC OF THIS POST !! Lmao. i could go on for hours complaining tho. ough.

but yeah!! i just !! sorry, this took a turn. i just. needed to express myself idfk. i'll go back to posting abt minecraft men kissing soon or whatever, sorry normie followers /hj

i love them so much its overwhelming, yet i wouldnt change it for everything in the world, you know? not them. its hard but id rather endure it for them than have them not be THIS level of special to me anymore.

i really REALLY hope theyre not. uncomfortable by it tho. and wont dump me for it. i really wish i had a guide to how to and how to not mess up. so i could avoid doing dumb shit on accident.

and its funny cause theyre ppl that would absolutely tell me if im doing shit that bothers them, yet i believe theres smth else, stupid thoughts man. LEAVE ME ALONE FREDDY MERCURY!! UR SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD !! /ref

sighhhh anyhow yeah im dropping it here. bpd is a bitch. and to anyone out there dealing w it? godspeed. you can do this, i know life already sucks and this shitty dissorder doesnt help, but i know you can push through, mi gente bella.

Pearlo out. BPD hours rlly seem to be hitting at around 11-12 am, huh? /ij