#my shitty childhood and me

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

yea it's a show about nepo babies but Succession really said "20 billion dollars doesn't erase the persistent trauma of childhood abuse, or absolve the abuser" so like. remember that next time your parent tries to uno-reverse-guilt-card you with "but we gave you so much"

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

fiona gallagher // "i bet on losing dogs" by mistki

[wanderingsquirrelgirl]

as a kid that grew up rich, i'm so glad we have fabian to represent the weird feeling of having everything EXCEPT the thing you need - your parent's support.

mine was closer to adaine where my parents hated everything unique and genuinely cool about me, but i didn't get the benefit of leaving them (or them tossing me aside.) partly because i wasn't as courageous as adaine in defying my parents when they were being assholes. i was adaine if she actually bought into her parents' messaging that she inherently sucked and needed to conform to her parents' ideals.

but it was also combined with parents who will make sure you have everything bc it's part of their identity as New Money Parents that want to give everything to their kid so they can Show Their Friends how much money they have (and not to actually help or dote on their kid).

hey how about you give me a little attention and care, how about that?

hellariel does seem like she loves fabian, which makes me happy for him. he at least as that. and he has agency to do what he wants with his money.

isn't it weird to figure out how shitty your childhood was based on how much better the lives are of fictional kids whose lives were intentionally made to be shitty?

EDIT: damn this resonated with more folks than i'd guessed. fellow gilded cage kiddos unite <3 we'll get thru this life together, my loves.

[shaxza]

[un-pearable]

i'm claiming custody of mohawk sonic and ittybittytails. the lack of satam compilations does a disservice to their memory. this is the man you hate???

[regrettablemeasure]

Everyone coddle me and pat my ass I'm being a so brave and writing letters to my estranged siblings + uncle

[running-with-the-feels]

Bi-Han loved his brother and I'm getting real sick of NRS making him a traitorous asshole. There's no reason for it, and having him be a loving and protective (if a tad ruthless) brother is far more intresting than making him a power hungry dickhead.

We Have a power hungry dickhead Lin Kuei, his name is Sektor, if you want to write that storyline he's right there for you NRS.

[magentagalaxies]

creation of adam but it's this photo of me handing scott the martini before his buddy cole set in the KITH toronto show

[eskewcity]

vulnerable moment perhaps. but my grandma died four years ago and I can still remember her house so vividly even to the point of being able to recall a certain room and its decor and the many associated memories with it that I’m so afraid of the day I’m going to start forgetting it

[mischiefbuckley]

one direction was such a part of our childhood and teenage years growing up and the band and all the members in the band were very much more than just a band to us and to anyone especially going through a rough time. we didn’t have the best childhoods and so we found comfort in a band and it’s members and we grew up with them as the same way they grew up. those core one direction memories when they were still a band will always be there and yeah it is a lot to now think about how that band growing up and that band that made you smile, that band that provided you with such a happiness that you couldn't even begin to explain is now four members like it is an odd feeling to now just think about and try to contextualize with everything, so if you need a moment take it. grief is an odd feeling and everyone will deal with it in their own way

[alagaisia]

Hey if you’re still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me 😊 please and thank you

Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (“She was writing kids books!” They said. “She didn’t know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didn’t examine it closely. It’s a mistake anyone could make,” we said. “She would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,” we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.

That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of “maybe she doesn’t realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERF” and then “how could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things she’s retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her work” and finally “oh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.”

Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasn’t trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. It’s weird to discover that there’s a room in your house that’s rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you can’t live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending it’s still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadn’t yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because what’s going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.

JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic children’s books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.

[songofsunset]

I have been to 42 out of 50 states and every last one was rad as hell, let's go, your state and town and ecosystem fucking SLAP and are worth celebrating!!!!!

(And so are you!!!)

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

there’s nothing like the terribly specific hurt of growing up always trying to protect your little sibling from your parents, always shielding them and watching them like a hawk and teaching them not to be too loud or too argumentative or too in the way, only to watch your parents get better for them. not perfect, no, but better.

because it means that they always had the capability to be good. they always had the ability to be mature and kind and raise their children with love and easy affection and laughter instead of raised fists and sharp nails and terrible words. they were always capable of change. they just didn’t want to do it for you.

and you don’t want to be jealous because that’s your little baby sister, who you love, who you grew up protecting, who matters more to you than anyone on the planet, but you are. you’re jealous and it’s eating you up inside and you’re so sick with guilt but you can’t help it; you wanted the mom who loves you even when you mess up instead of slapping you across the face. you wanted the dad that makes weekend afternoons fun instead of getting drunk and weepy about his life to you like you’re a therapist. you wanted the parents you could trust to love you no matter what.

why does she get those parents and not you? why didn’t you deserve that mom and dad? why weren’t you enough for them to want to change? what did you do wrong?

[anaalnathrakhs]

oh god ed reddit is having the “uwu anorexia isn’t rooted in fatphobia my mental illness is not abt you” talk again please god help me

fatphobia doesn’t mean “being a meanie to fat ppl” i’m begging you to use critical thinking skills for five seconds and apply what you know about literally any other form of oppression to this situation.

people’s point isn’t that you having anorexia makes them feel bad and therefore you’re a bad fatphobic person.

they’re pointing out how the deeply ingrained fatphobia our society upholds, from misconceptions about health to moralization of looks and weight, including yes being jerks to fat ppl’s faces bc they’re fat, is affecting what you think about your own looks, weight, health, body, clothes, eating habits, etc.

the logic isn’t “you became anorexic because you hate fat people so much you never wanted to be fat yourself (and that makes you a bad person)” it’s “fatphobia is a prism that transforms the root cause of your ed into disordered thoughts, behaviors, and patterns (and unlearning fatphobia will help you with recovery and harm-reduction)”

like. it’s not for no reason that anorexia is a disorder that disproportionatedly affects women. it’s not for no reason that there’s sky high comorbidity rates for eds and ocd. it’s not for no reason that people who need control in their lives so badly that they develop a mental disorder abt it get obssessed with being skinny and not with being a sumo. it’s not for no reason that ppl who feel the need to retract to childhood due to trauma envy things like being skinny light and frail, instead of being a tubby baby. it’s not for no reason that there is an incredibly common anorexic thought pattern (internal and self-directed, don’t make me say what i didn’t say) that associaties restriction and weight loss with moral goodness.

for each of these there IS a number of exceptions, but you can see case by case how the root cause (trauma, need for control, for self-destruction, growing up poor, whatever you think is “unrelated to fatphobia” basically) is processed through the prism of the fatphobic culture we’ve all been raised in. some people just, voluntarily or not, deal with those root causes in different way, which might or might not be healthy. but it’s a consequence of ambiant fatphobia that “i should starve and be skinny about it” is a statistically pretty common response to this distress.

the point isn’t “it’s fatphobic that you don’t deal with your neuroses in a body positive way uwu” the point is that no matter how cool you are with fat people on like, a personal level, you’ve been (like the rest of us) bombarded with fatphobic thought patterns your entire life basically, both directly fatphobic things and reactions to this fatphobia. maybe spoken to you directly, maybe not. maybe about you maybe about other people. you live in a society that places moral values into looks and health, and also pushes some deeply rooted falsehoods about how those things tie into each other. you have a disorder defined by obsessive behaviors. maybe, just maybe, deconstructing the logic that those obsessives behaviors are based upon will help you deal with this disorder. and recover or reduce harm.

basically, anorexia isn’t “getting skinny disorder” it’s “obsession disorder”, obsession with looking attractive, or pleasing your family, or going back to being a kid, or being healthy, or being fit, or being driven and capable, or being worth saving, or having your suffering known, or having control over something, or whatever. the fatphobia that is omnipresent (and i repeat, omnipresent, nobody is singling you out as a bad fatphobic meanie, or even talking about your behavior towards other people around you) in our society picks the direction in which many many people will express that disorder.

of course if you live in a society that tells you “being fat is morally bad” at every turn, when you start developping an obssessive pathological need to control things, without another factor weighting in, most people’s default reaction will be anorexia. food is a regular fixture of everybody’s life, everyone wants to be morally good, and even if we know/understand/believe to an extent the flaws of that “fat = bad” logic we know the world around us still believes it, and nobody wants to be treated like shit. we can think it’s stupid and fight against fatphobia and work to treat fat ppl better in our lives and support body positivity, but in any case, one always judges oneself on different metrics than they judge others, cuz we control our self-improvement. that’s natural. just it doesn’t mesh well with a pathologically obssessive need for control above self-preservation.

[cellsshapedlikestars]

here is my petty anti-ai art. is it good? no! did I spend a lot of time on it? no! did I copy off an old mermaid panic manga scan, but make it Less Good? u bet ur bottom dollar I did

I call this, "Jon arrived home earlier than expected and grabbed a winter rose from the glass gardens before finding his wife because he has learned one (1) thing", mechanical pencil and colored pencils on computer paper, 2023

[leofrith]

oh the depression is fucking baaaad lmao