#my sad melancholy poetic baby

[zoeydoe]

“estelle and callum? of course they’re related; they’re the same breed of dumbass”

moodboard inspired by my hatchetfield ocs! writing ft. them under the cut

“You ever miss your mom?” Callum spread the blanket out on the dusty concrete, placing a book on each corner so it wouldn’t blow away in the evening wind. 

“Don’t remember her,” Estelle sighed, clutching the thermos to warm her hands. “I imagine she wasn’t the best mum, what with…him making her lose her mind.” There was a silence, not an awkward one, but one Estelle felt should still be filled. “What about you?”

“I don’t remember her too well, she gave me up when I was four. But I do have this…one memory. He sat down on the blanket, patting a spot at his side. “I was maybe 3 years old, and it was the first day in like a week it hadn’t rained. So she woke me up really early and we went out on the balcony and had breakfast while we listened to the birds. I remember her smiling at me while we heard their songs, even over the bustling of New York City below us.”

She gave him a sad smile, having noticed him becoming wistful, a melancholy sort of silence. She set her hand on his shoulder. 

“Well, maybe it won’t be the the same, and maybe it’s not New York City but…we’re here, watching a sunset over Hatchetfield. And we’re family.”

He nodded and took the thermos from her gently, opening it and pouring some of the tea inside into a mug for her. “Kind of poetic, isn’t it? The sun set on my time alone because I’m meant to be here, with you.”

She grinned and took a sip of tea, ruffling Callum’s messy blonde hair. “Glad to have met you, baby bro.”

[daughter-of-cha0s]

This is my journey listening to Neon Noir by VV:

Echolocate Your Love:

This one reminds me a love song to say sorry to your your partner after a fight. It's beautiful, a song who screams for communication between lovers.

Run Away From The Sun:

It gives me sad feelings for some reason. It calls desperate for love and safety in the arms of your lover. (Also it makes me want to take my partner and run away together to unknown.)

Neon Noir:

It's way better than I imagined. I was sure I'm going to like love that song. It's joyful with dark tones and it really makes me want to dance it in a forest on a rainy day.

Loveletting:

The first feeling was melancholy. It was the first song I listened when I found out about his solo project. It makes me want to cry? Pretty much. It's one from my favorites without doubt.

The Foreverlost:

Love it! I feel like it's the perfect love song. I would like to listen to it in the deep of the night out loud. (Probably somewhere with sea nearby.)

Baby Lacrimarium:

I can imagine Ville in a dark forest with light up black and white candles around him while singing it.

Salute The Sanguine:

I don't know why, but at first it reminded me a poetic way to sing about sex. I think is about how you feel when you lost your mind for love. A love that can make you blind.

In Trenodia:

I have mixed feelings for this one. It's sweet but bitter at the same time.

Heartful of Ghosts:

I just saw the title and I was like: "I think, I will like this one!". Calm but sorrowful, I have beautiful feelings listen to it.

Saturnine Saturnalia:

I think it's the heaviest of all of them. It gives me strong HIM vibes but also a dark and mysterious atmosphere. I enjoy it every time I listen to it.

Zener Solitaire:

Actually, I wasn't expect a song without words in Neon Noir but Ville is unpredictable. It gives a mysterious atmosphere that I love.

Vertigo Eyes:

The best way to close the album. A long, almost eight minutes song, that you don't want to end. It's soft but potential.

[briamichellewrites]

12 - Bria’s Version

Mike asked Brad how visiting Bria had gone. He had never met a better cook. That made him laugh. What did she make him? She made vegetables with chicken marinated in soy sauce. It was indescribably delicious. She gave him a plate without the chicken and she made sure the soy sauce was vegan. He wanted to marry her. That made him laugh again. Did they talk about what happened? No, she didn’t want to and he wanted to respect that.

She put on a brave face for him. He could still see the sadness in her face. That’s what Mike saw, as well. She was sensitive, like Chester. They both were afraid of getting hurt or abandoned. She hid a lot of her emotions because she was afraid of losing everyone. Mike was the only person who had seen her cry. She didn’t know that it was okay to express herself.

One day, she would look back at herself and see how far she had come. He thanked him for going over and checking on her. Yeah, of course. She had a nice place. He could tell she kept up with the housekeeping because it looked like she had just moved in. There wasn’t even a dish in the sink or a thing out of place. As they were talking, they got a knock on the door. It was her, so they stopped talking when they saw her poking her head in.

“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t know you guys were in here.”

“It’s not a problem. What’s up”, Brad asked.

“I was going to work on some demos. I know that we’re not working on my next album, I just couldn’t stop writing.”

They invited her to come in and join them. She looked like she had been crying. Her eyes were red and her hair was in a messy ponytail. Even so, she was incredibly beautiful. She handed her notebook to Mike after he asked to see what she was working on. They were her usual melancholy songs. They looked through them and noticed how dark the lyrics were, though they still had messages of hope. Mike asked if he could hug her.

She nodded, so he pulled her in and wrapped his arms around her. Thank you. She was welcome.

“As the sun greets the morning sky

The animals wake, as do I

I look around my room

And realize

If the sun shall rise, then so shall…”, Brad read out loud.

“I”, she finished.

“I”, he repeated.

He couldn’t tell if that letter was an I or a lowercase L. It was very poetic. Did she pass English class? Barely. She got a C in that class. It was so boring, she couldn’t concentrate on the lessons. Then, she became confused. They studied Shakespeare and she couldn’t understand a word of anything he was saying! They laughed. Neither could they. Shakespeare was a different language than what they were used to. He handed the notebook back to her.

But if I may, but if I might I dream of hope as I sleep tonight I dream of what tomorrow may bring Like the sun on the morning of the first spring When everything awakens and becomes new again

Later, Mike went home after a long day and found Anna crying. He asked her what was wrong. She was pregnant. He walked over to her but she backed away. Why was she backing away from him? Because she didn’t know if the baby was his. What was she talking about? She admitted to having been involved with an old boyfriend, Jack. When he was gone, she was with him.

He sat down at the kitchen table, as he took in the news. So, she was cheating on him. She admitted that she was. He hid his face in his hands as he started crying. She asked him to say something. He wiped his tears.

“What is there to say? That you were upset about me working, so you selfishly decided to sleep with another man? I came in here to tell you that I kissed Bria. I was going to beg you to keep our relationship but now, it doesn’t matter. She wants me to be with you. I worked my ass off to get to where we are. You know that. I tore myself up about being gone every day but I thought you supported me. You know the sacrifices I made. I need to get out of here.”

He grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone before putting them into his pocket. As he sat in his car, he wiped his face before driving back over to Bria’s. She welcomed him in and asked him if he was okay. He didn’t want to bother her. She wiped his tears away. He pulled her closer and kissed her. It felt as good as it did the first time. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

He didn’t want to lead her on, so he told her the truth. Anna cheated on him and was pregnant. There was a chance it wasn’t his baby. He wasn’t ready for a relationship yet because he wanted to work on himself first. She understood and thanked him for being honest with her. He kissed her forehead. Did you eat yet? She had leftovers. He had to laugh. Despite what she was going through, her priority was him. He thanked her for thinking of him. Leftovers sounded wonderful.

They went into the kitchen and she pulled out what she had. As long as he was there, they might as well eat them up before they went bad. She put them on a plate before putting them in the microwave for one minute. When they were ready, she put his share on another plate before handing it to him. Thank you. He sat down.

Her kindness helped him forget about his anger toward Anna. She went out of her way to make sure he was fed, just like his mother had when he was younger. The salmon tasted as good as he remembered. She also had leftover spaghetti with two different types of noodles, shrimp lasagna, and a chicken curry with vegetables. All of it was delicious! She liked to make large portions, so it lasted longer. Sometimes, she miscalculated and made too much.

After eating, they put their dishes in the sink. He then took her hand and pulled her in. She put her hands on his chest and felt his heart beating. He kissed her again. She was addictive, like a drug. Their breathing got heavier. He buried his lips in her neck.

She’s seventeen years old. What are you doing? He pulled away and apologized. She was still illegal. He wasn’t going to do that to her. She asked if he wasn’t giving consent. He verified he wasn’t. Okay. He thanked her for respecting that while hugging her. They both said I love you.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia @boricuacherry-blog

[faetalesresearch]

Fae Tales - The Ice Plague - King Oengus Og

"And I, one of the strongest Mages, who had once been a member of the Thirteen, who had once tutored Mages in the arts of song and charm and wordplay, who had even tutored Davix and Olphix to strengthen their skills – I could not break her curse. So, instead, I became a swan.”

[barbaricbunbunny]

I reek of the sweet aroma of vulnerability that men smell out like starving dogs. Brown wide eyed girl full melancholy… or is it joy? He can’t never tell! None the less it leaves a hum of poetic melody in his heart. It whispers to him a forgotten lore of a feral creature he can cherish but never domesticate.

I am a free spirit composed of scars of inner battles of self destruction and mutilation lived out in youth like a ritual of a catholic wiping themselves with a leather belt to absolve themselves of sins. A spiritual war survivor, lost night of the soul champion, spunk that embodies me. Hooked him in like heroin.

My soul composed of the element of dark, murky waters but thriving and illuminated with lotuses which flourish my landscapes. He attempts to pick them off, and put them in a vase in an environment he can control and love.

A beautiful disaster is what I’ve been called. But the right words would be tragically human. A walking contradiction, a vessel of divine logic but bound to the rails of an emotional roller coaster. I am a thrill unlike any other. I leave trail like a snail my kisses never really dry.

Over the years they linger like damages felt long after the nuclear bomb was dropped in Hiroshima. A cancer that transcends genetic lineage mutates his desires and like a witch curses him and his kin to a forever long of me. An incurable STD of the soul is what my touch leaves behind. Like urinating with gonorreah he burns for me.

See,

I’m a spray paint

stain to his third eye. A illusion of plasticity, like the princess bride, as you wish type of love. Moldable to his demands so he thought of me. But I flow like water or wind. I am shapeless and formless. The more he grasp me the more I fall through the cracks of his fingers in his cusp hand, scattered but I remain free. He cannot evolve the wild wolf in me into a tame poodle. He cannot erect man made relics in all the wilderness that is in me. He can’t kill the cockroach people!

He sought me like a fetish a wet dream come true. The sad broken doll he can glue back together with his sticky baby making fluids. To fill the void of me with his thrusting masculinity. His instinctive nature to repair, he was blinded with love.

He builds me a cage of gold and locks me up. Now sadness colors my days. Melancholy chirps I murmur all night.

I am the sun burning for his love but his toxic anger like the industrial revolution depleted the Ozone layer. And now like climate change in the West Coast I burn to the ground.

My love dried up like California’s water.

I am a house plant whose out grown it’s pot, a great, giant cherry blossom cursed to be a bonsai. I am a Chinese woman’s bound feet.

Love is an enclosure like plastic molding applied to fruit in order to grow it into different forms, yet, the insides will always taste the same.

Only shallowly can I ever be changed!

Hide my tail as much as he wishes, it always falls out. My essence untamable like my hair, I’ve come to terms to let be as it wishes.

The you belong to me love is controlling. Breaks your legs like misery. So stories pleasing to him can be created by me. In which my love saves him from himself! But who saves me from him?!

I cry into the abyss of the maze that makes my psyche. Holding his hand in darkness feels like bear trap puncturing down on my soul. I leave a trail of sacred bleeding everywhere I go. I am his sacrifice! Amputation is my only option leaving behind a part of me, ghost limb syndrome.

But his grip is too tight

my breathing shallow. His words lacerate. Splitting my mind into two a victim or hero? Disemboweled, exposed and incapacitated by desire and sympathy. I am at the mercy of my love and predator.

[rabble-dabble]

Johnkat Fic Rec

oh HELL YEAH. THIS IS HAPPENING. i have a google doc open, a drink full of water, and a will full of last-minute idea inspiration. 2020 fic list baby. 

Thin Air - NGL this was the first fic i read after i realized i should look at ao3 for johnkat back a few years ago and it was a GREAT re-introduction back into the ship. it’s when john retcons canon but “over the top gay” (LEGIT THE TAGS) and john and karkat’s relationship develops over the time trips. a lil bit of blood at the end but it all ends happily. 

(do not ask) the price I pay - multi-chaptered alternate universe sort of take on how sburb works and centers around karkat who is “sacrificed” to the Gods and ends up living with them. it’s REALLY emotional and REALLY sad and it takes your heart and STOMPS ON IT REALLY REALLY HARD. but it is SO worth the read. i’m trying so hard not to spoil it but it’s good. 

Dead Man’s Poison - karkat becomes a ghost and it’s such a funny and sad take on his (after) life. time moves on, someone moves in, and karkat discovers being a ghost can be really boring (and really regretful). has a little bit of a horror aspect at the end, but resolves it beautifully. it’s angst cranked to 10 even though he’s already dead. 

Carbonated Truth Enhancer - a oneshot vortex of emotional egbert trauma that john TOTALLY deserves. this fic takes up my one braincell at least half the time. 

How Not to Make a Species - better to be called “how god underestimated my ability to weep” because it really, really did and it was a lot. it’s just poetically soft and gentle and it brings a tear to my eye just skimming it. 

And It Was Clear - karkat needs glasses and john has a really, really good idea. it’s alarmingly short and yet, perfectly clear. (hehe)

Breath & Blood - sadstuck, bloodheavy short story made by FiveTail and if you haven’t even heard of that name i weep for you. i have never felt more pity for a doomed timeline and i think about it constantly. 

Waiting For God Tier - I AM GOING TO SHAKE YOU IF YOU HAVE NEVER READ THIS. this is basically a doomed john and karkat going through their afterlife trying to figure out how they died (warning blood and sadstuck) and i cried so much i had to go blow my nose. and then i drew johnkat art cuddling each other before i went to bed thinking about them very, very alive. 

Just a Taste - adorable valentines day fic. john thinks he is sneaky to try to get karkat to lick cake batter off his hand and this is probably the closest suggestive fic on this list. AND IT’S NOT EVEN MEANT TO BE SO LIKE ARHJGHGHJHJHJRGHJ-

responsible, forever, for what you have tamed - this SCREAMS fluff and romantic. karkat had made john the stars, but for karkat, john has made him a garden. it’s beautiful and read it to hear my distant happy tears. 

Happy Accidents - John and Karkat become parents in the most unconventional of ways. They foster a baby grub and it’s adorable and yes, if you must ask, i did also cry at the end. it has a happy ending though so it is WORTH it. 

Blurring the Lines - John is the idiot who goes wandering off and Karkat is the one who has to save him from the stupidity he has before it gets him murdered by an insane clown. So, basically, regular life lol. 

In Which John and Karkat are Pranked - in which my reasoning why dave is simply the best person to always have the two idiots get together, and my heart goes out to the poor bastard author who had to format this. it’s PESTERLOGS. and i feel. SO SORRY. 

This Could Work - Karkat is scared for the future of their new universe and John decides at the WORST time to confess that he might be in love with Karkat. it’s presented so delicately well that i’m suspicious that they might have just looked into an actual alternate universe or something and saw canon. 

A Line Between You and Me - Everyone takes on aspects of each other, and John is led living life figuring out who he inherited his from. sadstuck alarms, this is one story that doesn’t end as well as the others.

Welcome to the Rest of Your Life - this hits ALL the right sadstuck feels and ALL the right “winning the game” feels. sburb didn’t take very kindly to losing so it takes the one thing karkat cherishes: his home. 

Surfeit - a comic story au about growing up and childhood crushes and the beautiful, beautiful scene of idiotic love. 

Blue - karkat is bored from his marriage, his life, and from his work. this fic really details that feeling about the state of melancholy, where it is all just bland. this was a type(?) of inspiration for Step by Step (i think) and it just pulls you in to read more. 

Jesus Wouldn’t - considering how i know the inner workings of being the religious type and how people tend to abuse what messages come with it, this fic is oddly beautiful and inspiring. it truly just quilts together the messages of what is important and how everything is sort of okay on the inside and outside. not exactly johnkat centric, but i thought it was worth it to be here. 

i will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely. -THIS is moirallegiance or nothing is. pale johnkat is beautiful and worthy and basically i love this one so much it fills my lungs with honey and flowers. 

lock it up and leave - sadness sadstuck about how broken karkat is and how hard it is to take care of someone when they think the only thing left to do is to give up. but john egbert isn’t having it, no, he refuses to lose anyone else - “if you go, you’re taking me with you.”

Apocalyptic Literature - i found this in the depths of ao3 hell. honestly, it intrigued me and i wasn’t disappointed with what i found. sadstuck grim, and there’s mention of blood and bodies but the ending is surprisingly soft and on a happy note. 

 Of Growing Up - Yeah you know of RMWT? Real Men Wear Tights? Someone in the universe got the memo that i am always angry about super hero friends who can’t recognize each other and gifted this upon the world, which I like to think i was meant to find and gush over. this is PERFECTLY executed and even has some detail i was smug on finding, so if you too have read RMWT and want an ending i suggest giving this a look. 

and that’s about it! i have more but they’re not really..eh, what i’d want to put here (for now). i’ll keep ya upd8ed if i come across more i really, really enjoy. 

[hi-im-dazey]

My first thoughts on 15x17

Behind the cut for head-canon and spoiler avoidance for them that wants ‘em

Chuck was writing versions. Each version had a different twist to set them on the path to Chuck's ending.

So what was the twist for this Sam-n-Dean that made them able to defy the narrative? Where was the moment that Chuck "screwed" his story and made actual free will?

I'll tell you what I think.

I think Chuck accidentally made one human with free will.

Only one.

Sam Fucking Winchester.

Sam can see and understand exactly what's going on. AND he is coming to realize that he is outside of Chuck’s control.

He knows Dean is being manipulated. Dean is clearly aware of it too, but he doesn't seem able to stop it. So what's the difference?

Sam told us, he told Dean, he told everyone, throughout the show, for 15 years,

‘It’s not who you are; it’s what you do.’

And because of this understanding, he relies on one particular trait of Dean's.

Dean will do literally anything to protect Sam. It's not always the right thing (he doesn't “always like it”) but in the end Sam knows and has always known the magic spell to trigger this trait in Dean. (call it “puppy dog eyes” if you want, but someone having blind trust in you, no matter what, is a helluva drug. Dean is addicted to it.)

But how come? Where did Chuck make his fatal error? What was the twist this time? The one that broke, not only the plot line Chuck wanted, but the character of Sam, as well. Making Sam incapable of following the narrative laid out before him.

I think the moment where Chuck made his mistake was the moment he had John hand the baby to the four-year-old. There’s a reason that’s the scene that kicks this all off.

A moment of extreme trauma and dire importance, literally burnt into Dean's brain.

Setting up this trait in Dean enabled Sam to truly push through any obstacle Chuck's story presented, because he knew Dean had his back when push came to shove.

Nothing bad was ever going to happen to him as long as Dean was around.

It's the song he grew up listening to.

"But," you say, "Everything that ever happened to Sam was quantifiable as ‘bad’!" (the joke of the only stroke of luck Sam Winchester ever had was that coffee cup landing on its ass is sad, but true)

Yes, and don't you think he has noticed that?

He’s given considerable thought to the fact he has survived this long with that much crap, against all odds, largely because of Dean. Anyone else would have been dead the first time and it would have stuck. Yet here he is. This has only reinforced the fact that Dean will try to do anything to save him. Not only will he try to do, he will succeed.

Without Dean he may have died at six months, or any time between then and now. It’s an important revelation when Dean tells Sam about carrying him out of the fire in season 1, Sam did not know that before then, but it makes Dean’s entire character snap into focus for him.

Sam has seen the pattern, he sees the hand of Chuck in their lives. He tries to break them out of the pattern over and over again.

Even before he fully understood what was happening and that it could be broken out of. Or that this was what he was doing. Before he was consciously breaking free, he still broke out of the plot.

Dean sees it too, he's not dumb.

But Dean's life did not belong to anyone, not the way Sam's has always been his responsibility. He only has Sam to help him break out of the hamster wheel, and I think they are just now seeing that.

I think Sam understands now, that for some reason, he is free and can refuse to do what is laid out before him. And, indeed, that he has been refusing his entire life.

He also understands that Dean can break out of the pattern too, but he needs Sam to help him.

Sam is the snapped fingers in the corner of Dean’s eye.

Sam is the trance breaker for Dean.

Sam is that moment of real panic that flooded his system when the house was burning and Sam’s life was in his hands.

That moment, that plot twist, is what broke Chuck’s story.

I’ve said before that the reason Chuck is afraid of Jack is that Jack was not written by Chuck, Jack is what the characters in the story wrote when Chuck left them alone (to go off and play with Amara), and in Unity Chuck admits there were things he “didn’t write”

So someone else must be writing things. When did that start, though? At what point did Chuck lose control of the authorship and accidentally allow another author into his sandbox?

Maybe when John Winchester handed a baby to a four-year-old. Maybe the reason Sam has free will is because he is also capable of writing in Chuck’s world. Or maybe he is capable of writing in Chuck’s world because he has free will.

What we saw in Unity  was Chuck forcing his will on Dean to get to his poetic, tragic ending. He squeezed all of Dean’s rage up to the surface, and added more, he gave him an order direct to his nerve ending, squeezing his ink through Dean’s veins... “This time, fire that gun, boy!” Daddy’s blunt little instrument fed on rage and frustration and anger at being thwarted and impotence at being led on a string...

And Sam, again, snapped his fingers in the corner of Dean’s rage and broke him out. I think we saw Sam beginning to realize that he has the upper hand here.

And I don’t think Chuck has realized that Sam himself is, in fact, the issue.. yet.

Not the bullet hole, or Sam’s hope, or the demon blood, or the latent powers or missed destiny.

Sam’s existence and being are the issue. What Sam DOES, not who he is or was meant to be. Sam’s actual free will is the problem for Chuck. (and take a moment here to remember that almost every crisis Chuck wrote for Sam involved removing Sam’s agency and autonomy.)

He thinks they are all refusing to toe the line, I don’t think he understands that Sam is the one editing his book yet.

And what about Castiel? Well, the moment he shook hands with Sam, he was broken. His chassis may have come off the assembly line cracked, and Naomi may have patched him up time and again, but the second he shook hands with Sam, he was irredeemable for Chuck’s narrative.

Chuck inserts himself in to the story as the prophet, maybe to check in and see what’s going wrong? Figures out that Cass is broken (again?) and takes steps to make an opportunity to “remake” Cass. Then again, once back in Sam’s orbit, Cass is again, broken... there is something that cracks apart for Cass when he interacts with Sam.

This is not a shippy thing, btw. It’s being confronted with a creature that has actual free will... Cass is not equipped to handle that. He left the angel factory without that blind faith setting. He can ‘see’; and he ‘sees’ Sam. Every interaction with Sam shows him what is wrong with the rest of the story.

And again, Chuck rebuilds Cass, and this time traps him in a story where Cass himself is the villain. And Cass was a great villain, that was a good story, no matter how you feel about Cass or Misha, season 6 was a good story.

When Cass returns again, in season 7, hyperbole is gone now, he literally BREAKS himself upon touching Sam. There is no metaphor here, he takes on Sam’s brokenness, with a touch.

(”you’re broken [...]broken toys? You throw them away...”)

The only way Chuck could possibly hope to keep Castiel from being broken is if he can keep him away from Sam.

But Chuck hasn’t realized this yet. He tries to write a narrative that Naomi is “tuning him up as he transgresses” as she has in the past? or as she has in other worlds?

Is Dean what really breaks him free of Naomi?

No, touching the Angel Tablet does it... and again, this is just Chuck, writing his way to his preferred ending. The Narrative Cycle begins again because the Angel Tablet ‘resets’ Cass. This plot point starts us on yet another iteration of the “remove Sam’s agency so one of the brothers sacrifices either himself or the other” cycle.

~~~

Looping back again to the fifth season...

When Chuck says “endings are hard” in Swan Song he’s not talking about writing that ending. That ending was good, it was solid, it closed out the story on a note of melancholy hopefulness, Sam was gone, and the apocalypse averted. It wasn’t happy but it was complete.

That ending wasn’t hard to write.

It was hard for Chuck to read.

Because that wasn’t what he was trying to write, Sam took over his narrative. Sam refused to kill Dean, Sam refused to kill Adam, Sam refused to kill Michael or allow Michael to kill Lucifer, or allow Lucifer to kill either of Sam’s brothers or his own brother.

Sam effectively cock blocked Chuck’s little ‘fratricide 21-ways served in a light creamed-angel sauce with a side order of fried surrogate dad’ all you can eat and there’s dancing after banquet finale.

Cass comes back, almost immediately, because Chuck needs to re-boot the cycle. Because Sam screwed it up for him, again. (Maybe if Chuck takes Sam’s soul out of the equation... he can get some traction on his plan, this time.)

Sam Fucking Winchester is simultaneously Chuck Shurley’s hero, voice, protagonist, and muse.

He’s also Chuck’s biggest problem.

Sam Fucking Winchester is the corner Chuck has written himself into.

~~~

Now this is all just spit balling head-canon, and probably nowhere near where the writers are actually going, but it woke me up early and took over my brain and prevented me from doing my homework (which is also writing, to be honest) until I got it all out of my system.

~~~

Inserting standard disclaimer: (C-A-S-S is how they spell it on the show, and more importantly, it makes screen-reading software for the visually impaired pronounce it correctly; as opposed to C-A-S which makes screen-readers say “Kah.”)

[eabhaalynn]

Punisher and Why it is my Album of the Year... Already

Every few years, we come across a singer-songwriter who is so devastatingly assured in their talent that they come to be generation defining. Their songs are synonymous with the era they’re written in, with the themes they discuss. Names like Bob Dylan, Stevie Nicks, and Amy Winehouse come to mind. This weeks’ release of “Punisher,” the sophomore album by Californian indie-rock icon Phoebe Bridgers has solidified her name on that list.

From her first note of her first album ‘Stranger in the Alps’ in 2017, we could see -or perhaps more fittingly, hear- that Phoebe is a force to be reckoned with. Her distinctive, haunting vocals from that album have made the soundtrack to many summers since, and many films to match. ‘Motion Sickness’details the emotional abuse of a relationship the then twenty-two-year-old musician had with Ryan Adams, an established voice in the alternative rock scene. In the years since, numerous allegations of sexual misconduct against Adams have come to the public’s attention. This only further points to the bravery of Bridgers’ in writing and releasing such a poignant track so early on in her career.

Thematically, Stranger in the Alps touches on death, depression, emotional abuse and heartbreak, without ever verging into the cringe or the cliché. Bridgers’ raw, honest vocals and song-writing skill make it a strangely comforting experience to listen to, and an album that is as melodically beautiful as it is lyrically heart wrenching. You would be forgiven for thinking that it’d be too impossible an act to follow, especially for an artist so early on in her career.

“The future’s unwritten, the past is a corridor.” – Smoke Signals, 2017

Ms Bridgers swiftly followed her solo debut with 2018’s Boygenius and 2019’s Better Oblivion Community Center. The former, a collaboration with Julian Baker and Lucy Dacus, played into the strengths of all three musicians, resulting in a fusion of indie-rock and folk-rock, and giving Phoebe ample opportunity to release more of the distinctive poetic lyricism that have become synonymous with her name. The blend of the three genres and voices is a beautiful and haunting EP that has aged with Ms Bridgers and become a defining moment for her career.

The latter, Better Oblivion Community Center, is a duo consisting of Phoebe and long-term friend and collaborator Conor Oberst. Their self-titled debut album loosely is themed around a dystopian wellness centre of the same name. The record is coherent, creative and once again plays to the strengths of both musicians, their voices complement each other beautifully, despite or perhaps because of the contrast in their styles. The album is undoubtably a feat of production, and plays into elements of electronic and country music, for the first, though evidently not the last time in Phoebe’s discography.

“So sick of being honest / I’ll die like Dylan Thomas” – Dylan Thomas, 2019

Which brings us swiftly on to 2020, the year of COVID, contradictions and confusion for all of us. Punisher, Phoebe Bridgers’ sophomore album was released on June 18th, at the perfect intersection of lockdowns lift and the beginning of summer. The release itself coincided with a time of social upheaval across the US and further afield, prompting Bridgers to move the official release date a day forward from ‘Juneteenth’, the official end of slavery in the US. Across her social media profiles, she prompted her fans to donate to organisations seeking racial justice.

"I'm not [delaying] the record until things go back to 'normal' because I don't think they should,” – https://twitter.com/phoebe_bridgers

The album opens with the instrumental track, ‘DVD Menu,’a seventy-second long, vaguely ominous string-led instrumental reminiscent of the video-game themes the artist would’ve grown up with in the early 2000s. It provides the perfect anticipatory build up into lead-single ‘Garden Song,’ a prospective looking, dreamy love song. Initially released on February 26th, 2020; Garden Song acts somewhat as a sequel to Stranger in the Alps’ Smoke Signals. It follows thematically, melodically, and continues Phoebes’ established lyrical poeticism. Like Smoke Signals, Garden Song is slow, but enthralling. The melody makes you want to listen, the lyrics make you want to fall in love.

Following on from this is second single, and third song, ‘Kyoto,’ in sharp contrast to the slow, strong self-awareness of the earlier songs, Kyoto presents a whirlwind of emotions, an aural dissociation of sorts. Kyoto is fast-paced, guitar led, and even difficult to follow. Almost anxiety-inducing, Kyoto is an exciting accomplishment of alt-pop. Phoebe’s strong descriptive lyrics manage to change themes between and even within verses, suggesting a struggle between her inner and her outer self, and how this same struggle bleeds into her relationships with others.

In musical circles, a ‘Punisher,’ is a name for an overzealous fan. The titular track of the album places Phoebe herself in this role. The song imagines a conversation between Phoebe and an artist she clearly admires very much. It is the first piano-led track of the album; and marks a contrast with the prior songs as she is able to outwardly express her emotion and feelings in the song’s narrative for the first time. While this is essentially a song to a stranger, it is marked with Phoebe’s distinctive emotional lyrics and vocal; and retains the same charge of emotional attachment that has become so characteristic of her discography.

Following this is ‘Halloween,’ a song that plunges us immediately into Phoebe’s narrative and lived situation. Utilising picking on guitar strings to produce the holiday season of the song’s setting sonically, Ms Bridgers takes us into her loveless relationship just in time for ‘cuffing season,’ and the all too familiar feeling of holding on to something that isn’t there, just because of the time of year. The melancholy is only furthered by the repetition in the song’s latter half by Conor Oberst, collaborator and Better Oblivion Community Centrebandmate.

Fan-favourite, and a personal favourite of mine, ‘Chinese Satellite,’ reflects on loss, and grief. Musically, it builds, starting slowly with a single guitar line and Phoebe’s vocals. By the end of the first verse, both the guitars and vocals have been layered, producing a haunting effect only furthered by the synth and drums of the latter half of the song.

Lyrically, Phoebe starts out questioning her circumstances, wondering why this unnamed event has occurred. She later turns this uncertainty onto herself, questioning her own lack of faith. Finally, she remembers memories of herself with the person who has been lost, and in retrospect, she yearns for the belief that she will see them again. This yearning that closes the song is accompanied by a drum, once again paired only with her voice, that is sonically reminiscent of a heartbeat. Chinese Satellite has provided a great comfort to me personally in a time of great loss, and while I know I am calling it extremely early I do not doubt it is my song of the year.

“Moon Song” follows, and it is a love song to someone facing issues with their own self-esteem. With beautifully raw production, the tough scratch of an acoustic guitar provides contrast to the soft and kind vocals. The song provides some of the best lyrics of the album, or perhaps of her entire discography, and in doing so, manage to make a fairly specific story of love through mental illness and self-deprecation accessible to Ms Bridgers’ broad audience.

‘We hate ‘Tears in Heaven’ / But it’s sad his baby died’ – Moon Song, 2020

This theme of a somewhat doomed relationship continues into ‘Savio[u]r Complex,’in this similarly acoustic ballad, orchestral strings pitched above Phoebe’s voice play further into the melancholy and toxicity described throughout the songs’ lyrics. Her use of metaphor and allegory throughout the song helps retain the accessibility of the otherwise characteristically dark lyrics, her strong descriptions throughout playing into the same emotions of Stranger in the Alps’ ‘Funeral.’

‘ICU’ initially released as ‘I See You’ due to the timing of the COVID crisis, was the final single released before the album, on May 19th,2020.  It is a typically Phoebe Bridgers’ breakup song, one that acknowledges the love that she’s losing. Starting with a soft scream, literally, the songs’ vocals are raw over a distorted synth background. Sonically, the song is a mesh of all of the components of the songs preceding it, building to a climax before dropping out just in time for the final verse. This is, in my opinion, the best single, and one of her best to date.

Penultimate song ‘Graceland Too’ swings the album in a bluegrass direction, and in doing so, provides an ode to the influences Bridgers has taken from the genre. Its title references Elvis Presley’s ranch and tourist attraction of the same name. The song features her Boygenius bandmates in its latter half, resulting in an admirable melody not dissimilar to their EP.

The album closes with ‘I Know the End,’ an anthemic ballad that falls just short of six-minutes long. It begins telling different stories, centring around episodes of low-mood and depression, the causes of which are implied consistently to be related to the stresses of touring and the musician’s lifestyle. These stories are told over a guitar-led melody, initially pitched to be much quieter than the vocals. A feat of production, the messy string melody gains traction as the song progresses, building over the first half of the song in pitch, volume and number of instruments. Around the two-minute mark, the song is split by an instrumental, and when vocals return, they bring with them an increasing sense of urgency. The latter half of the song details a road trip Phoebe takes and pays heed to the sights and sounds she encounters throughout.

The song, and thus the album, concludes with a chorus of vocals repeating ‘The End is Near,’ over a chaotic melody of all sorts of instruments and assorted sounds, before descending into shouts and screams from Phoebe and friends in the last number of seconds.

I don’t even believe I need to clarify this, but just in case you have any doubt, this album is my favourite of the year so far. 10/10

[enchantred]

folklore reactions

the 1: i totally called the tone of this album. I also love how all the album is in lowercase. this is such a sweet song! melancholy but beautiful. however, joe???? is she good? are they good? um hello I need to do some research about who this is about bc its beautiful but also sad. God I love Taylor Swift. She truly is the greatest songwriter of this century. 

cardigan: I’m really excited about this one tbh. nice into? YESS LANA VIBES. dark edgy rep mood and im here. how is this album already better than lover? also is she okay again? like i need to know about my girl. if this album doesnt win a grammy im going to riot. I love how poetic this album is. I didn’t really understand the black and white but I think I understand it now. 

the last great american dynasty: from the title im hoping also lana vibes but lets see. okay halsey 929 vibes in the beginning.  love the storytelling. I love this album so far. is this about the kennedys? is this about her past relationships? wait it totally is! marvelous? rhode island? or wait this is tiwwchnt? is this a reflection on her friendships? i’m so curious. Love the background instrumentals. wait no i’m wrong this is about her house? or the lucky one? i too had a marvelous time ruining everything also this is a mood

exile: I’m not the biggest fan of bon iver so i’m not too excited about this one, but i’m open to it, I guess. This is very The Last Time of her and I love that song so. oh no sad again. you were my crown now im in exile! no no please taylor be happy im going to straight up cry. I really hope she’s doing okay, but this song is beautiful. okay some quick research and taylor and joe are still together and apparantly he wrote things which makes sense 

my tears ricochet: very its nice to have a friend of her. okay i def hear the jack antonoff in this song. another sad song. :(  Wait yes here comes the orchestra why is this speak now x 1989? im here for this part of the song for sure.  florence inspo for sure.  

mirrorball: wait this is very fearless era is it not lmao? like the vocals are floaty and seem younger. okay this is sweet. yes begin again vibes I love it!!! yes empowerment and happiness!!!!! this is my favorite so far. This is what Me! wishes it was. hush! this is so relaxing. tbh i did think she said “im still on my toilet” instead of “tallest” so lets see if anyone else makes this mistake.  wait THIS IS THE LUCKY ONE PART 2. beautiful 10/10

seven: this is about the lover album going to call it. okay why does this literally not sound like her at all? wait im so wrong. like this is fairies in the field and she sounds like an irish folk singer from the 90s. this is cute. cottagecore lesbians on tiktok are going to use this sound for sure lmao. who does she sound like? ok i am not a fan of this song just going to put that out here now its kinda boring. 

august: if theres not an upbeat song on this album i will freak out. ugh another slow song. wait this is happy! yay! very beautiful kiss for him. why do i get like past romance vibes from this? (tom????) we love yearning. cruel summer who?also fearless vibes from this too.

this is me trying: based on the title im worried again? i almost do who???? I got wasted like all my potential ugh mood. why can’t she have the album booklet secret sentences again i sure hope she does omg. call it what you want also. 

ilicit affairs: now this has got to be about the getaway car triangle. can i be right about one thing. yearning again, but nice this time too. HIM! this is very red era and I don’t know how to feel about it. treacherous inspired this for sure. okay this is my favorite because its lowkey a diss track. dear john vibes also!

invisible string: never grow up vibes. however, I still need to know if taylor is okay like genuinely because i’m scared lmao. I hate it when people are sad esp her and like her albums define my life a bit so if shes sad im sad? bad blood lmao. aww time heals everything, this is so cute i sure hope shes happy. we love a self referencing queen. 

mad woman: the man part 2? oooh swear words. is this about k*nye? is this about k*m? wanting me dead has really brought you too together? who else? ive got to find some fan theories omg

epiphany: the 1975 vibes? i swear if this is instrumental.. okay why does this sound like a small british child singing in choir. its really beautiful though, no insult meant I just don’t really listen to music like this ever. its not really my aesthetic but I can appreciate it. 

betty: my friend freaked out about this song so from her reaction its got to be either confirmation of Kaylor/taylor being gay, the song is some weird genre thats not taylor, shes pregnant, or just really deep lyrics that hit differently? lets see. wait COUNTRY TIME? YO. oh no what did she did to betty? wait i feel uncomf. whats abigails opinion on this i need to know, were they friends? yikes friend breakup i’ve been there. is this from someone else’s perspective i gotta know. yay she goes to the party!!! wait what cardigan? whats happening im so ??

peace: interesting......this is beachy I love it? its nice to have a friend vibes again. she sounds like.. not herself? this is so different from everything she’s done before I need to sit with it and listen to it before i understand. clowns to the west. her voice sounds so beautiful here and so mature? i honestly was ready for this era after rep but not right now? idk how I feel about it. 

hoax: not s single upbeat song :(((((. faithless love??? not cute. is she going to perform any of these live i cant really imagine it. new york? aw no she’s sad my baby girl. hmm. don’t like this one. the vibes are great but I just dont like them. 

[deathbyawriter]

I feel the melancholy rip through me every time I think of you. I don't want to feel this anymore. I'm tired of being sad and waiting for you when you're clearly over me. I wish there was a chance to be normal again sometimes, but I know I will always be anything but normal. I think I'm happy with that. I don't want to be normal; I just want things to feel normal again for me. Because how does one function when their whole world is thrown off-kilter? How do I function when you were the one to always lift me up? How do I function when you don't exist in my world anymore? How do I function when I know I will never feel your presence again? Yet, I persevere. I persevere through it all: all the pain, all the heartbreak, all the sadness that creeps into my mind in the morning and during the day and at night. I don't care to write in order to be poetic for anyone anymore. I write for myself because no one will ever appreciate me the way I could appreciate myself. My dreams teach me that. My life experiences have taught me that. So for now, I have to forget you. I have to forget you, and I have to never lose myself in another person again until I find myself. You did not create my happiness; you only delayed my sadness. I have to make myself believe that we were not meant for each other. I have to say that we are not soulmates. I have to keep telling myself that you did not love me in the right way. Because some days were glamorous, but others were absolute shit. You, you, you were not my masterpiece, and I was never your pretty baby. True love might exist, but what we had was toxic from the start. We were too fucked up to begin with, so why did we ever think anything good could have come out of that? I'm saying that there are faults on both ends. We were both in the wrong mostly, and we couldn't see past our own pride to overcome it. In the end, I just want to say sorry for the pain I caused and the chaos that ensued, but you were just as much to blame. And I can't keep living my life in shame when all I did was leave you to find myself. I can't keep wanting you when I'm the one who left.

[the-quiet-winds]

Tigers in Concrete

[this is for that very special anon from last night! :D]

[angst]

in which Catherine Parr has a thing for numbers.

The first time Catherine Parr and Katherine Howard had a conversation, they agreed that Catherine would only be referred to as ‘Parr’, to avoid any miscommunications.

The seventh time Parr and Katherine had a conversation, Parr accidentally called Katherine ‘kid’, a seemingly random term of endearment that made Katherine’s eyes blow so wide that Parr thought they could poetically fall from their sockets.

They didn’t, in fact, and Parr remained the only one allowed to use that particular nickname.

Parr had a bond with Katherine quite unlike the one with any of the other queens. Katherine was the only one allowed in her study, no matter the time of day. Katherine was the only one allowed to read any of Parr’s manuscripts. Parr, on the other hand, was the only one allowed to read Katherine’s literary analyses, which she did of everything from Shakespeare to Rowling to Lewis. She would annotate the books and write her own essays about them, relating themes in a series and commenting on the language. 

The study of which was taught to her, formally or informally, by Parr.

“Hey, kid,” Parr said one night, when, sometime in the witching hour, she had seen the light under Katherine’s door still on. “What are you working on so late?”

Katherine is so absorbed in her writing she doesn’t notice Parr enter until a gentle hand touches her shoulder and Katherine jumps so much she falls to the floor, breathing rapidly and nearly shaking.

Parr crouches in front of her. “Katherine, kid, it’s just me. It’s just Parr, yeah?” Her voice is soft, but her gaze is firm as she holds Katherine’s stare.

“Parr?” Katherine asks, words trembling. Parr nods. 

“It’s just me.” Parr had barely finished the statement when Katherine threw herself into her arms, hugging her tight and still shaking.

The events of that night stayed with Parr. She was never much of a touchy-feely woman, but Katherine held a very special space in her heart. Parr had never had the opportunity to be a mother, she had died before Mary was even a week old, leaving the poor girl to grow up in a world without a mother to look out for her.

Katherine had, in fact, also lost her mother at a young age. She was only a tender five when her mother passed on, and look what had happened to her: abused by the men in her life until it was cut unfairly short by an axe when she was just barely old enough to call herself an adult.

It gave Parr the shivers just thinking about it - was that what had happened to Mary?

She never knew for sure, but one thing was clear. History was not going to repeat itself. Parr would do anything to keep Katherine safe.

Katherine, meanwhile, picked up on Parr’s melancholy. And thus started their 248th conversation.

“Parr?” Katherine asked over breakfast.

“Yeah, kid?” 

Katherine frowned. Parr’s tone didn’t hold its natural warmth, the one that made Katherine think of steaming tea and fresh book pages and oversized sweaters.

“You’ve been down,” Katherine said gently, not trying to show how desperately worried she really was. “What’s up?”

Parr sipped her tea. “Just...reflecting, that’s all. Nothing to worry about, kid.”

“Please tell me,” Katherine said quietly, “I don’t like seeing you sad.”

As she crossed the kitchen to where Katherine was sitting, Parr’s lips tightened into a fine line, trying to keep tears at bay. “I just…” she faltered, “I miss my daughter, that’s all.”

Katherine gave a tiny, hopeful smile. “Tell me about her.”

“I don’t know all that much.” Parr sighed. “She was named after our stepdaughter, Aragon’s Mary. Most adorable baby girl.” Her expression changed from melancholy to a fond sort of longing. “It’s hard to find information about her, though.”

“Let’s go to the library!” Katherine said excitedly. “I want to get some new books and stuff, and we can look for information about Mary!”

Parr dared to look hopeful. “Are you sure?”

Katherine nodded enthusiastically. “It’ll be so fun!”

Parr couldn’t say no, not when Katherine’s face looked so excited and she had that sparkle like stardust in her eyes.

So they went to the library.

It was an unseasonably warm day, despite the overcast, so they told the other queens where they were headed and walked to the library, five blocks from the house.

Katherine started their 249th conversation with a simple, “It’s so nice out! Why isn’t it like this all the time?”

Parr laughed. “Because there’s these things called seasons, kid.”

“I know, Parr,” Katherine responded sarcastically. She bumped the toe of her shoe against the sidewalk idly as they waited for the signal to cross the street. “Oh!” Katherine suddenly exclaimed. “I had a question I’ve been meaning to ask you, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is, kid.” Parr pointed to the walk signal as a silent way to get Katherine walking again. “Ask away.”

“So about your daughter, I was wondering...would Jane technically be her aunt? Because if you married her brother-”

“Katherine look out!”

The next seven minutes were an absolute blur. Katherine remembered hearing Parr yell her name, two firm hands collide with her back and shove her forward, but after that, she remembered nothing until she woke up, lying flat on the pavement, crowds of people around her.

She shot upright, the panic she remembered hearing in Parr’s voice sending shivers down her spine. “Parr!” She shouted.

“Easy now,” a soft female voice said. “Don’t aggravate your head.” The paramedic looking at her had comforting blue eyes and soft blonde hair, but Katherine only had one train of thought - Parr.

“Where is she?!” Katherine nearly shrieked as she jumped to her feet. “Where is Parr?!”

The next sight she saw nearly sent her back into a state of unconsciousness. Only a few feet away, ten, maybe less, was Parr, laying on the ground, blood surrounding her body and a sheet covering her up to her chest.

Another twenty feet away, a car was stopped, a sizeable mark on its front hood and a large crack in its windshield. 

“Katherine,” Parr said weakly, extending a trembling and pale hand to the girl, who nearly trampled the paramedic to get to it. 

“Parr, I’m so sorry-”

“It’s not your fault,” Parr said, mustering up as much of that tea-with-honey tone as she could, but the pain and weakness in her body making it nearly impossible. “They weren’t paying attention.”

“Parr please,” Katherine pleaded. She brought Parr’s hand to rest against her cheek. “This isn’t how your story ends.”

With as much of her remaining strength as she could pull, Parr sat up to press a careful kiss to Katherine’s forehead. “I love you, ma petite ange.” 

After that, the last of Parr’s strength left her and she toppled back upon the concrete. Katherine threw herself on Parr’s body, sobbing into the white sheet over her chest until she had nothing left to give.

———————————————————————————————————–

tag list: @percabeth15 @kats-seymour @qualquercoisa945 @jane-fucking-seymour @a-slightly-cracked-egg @justqueentingz @annabanana2401 @wolfies-chew-toy @broad-way-13 @tvandmusicals @lailaliquorice @aimieallenatkinson @sweet-child-why03 @gaylinda-of-the-upper-uplands @funky-lesbians @thinkaboutitmaybe @hansholbeingoesaroundzeworld @anaamess @beeskneeshuh @prick-up-ur-ears @theartoflazy @justqueentwo @brother-orion @paleshadowofadragon @lafemmestars @beautifulashes17 @jarneiarichardnxel @idkimbadwithusernamesandstuff @sixcago @mixer1323 @boleynssixthfinger @aimieallen @elphiesdance @boleynthebunny @krystalhuntress @lupin-loves-chocolate@bellacardoza16 @bluify

[aeternai]

NOTE: ALL CREDIT FOR THIS HC GOES TO THE LOVELY ANUBIS OVER AT @thejackalsden !! 

Musical Keys & Their Importance

Music is always written in a specific key - it helps set the tone, the mood, and overall feel of the music, giving it energy and life due to how the notes sound and how they flow. Musical keys fit into one of two categories: Major & Minor. For ease of organizing, there will be two separate sections for this.

Mainly I’m looking to explain how each key could affect the flow of water, being as how Demyx channels it through his Sitar, especially since we’ve all seen the following image:

Given that we know Demyx will retune his Sitar midfight after being hit with a giant key, it’s obviously important! We do know Arpeggio is Demyx’s baby, but there’s so much more to it than that, even though I’m sure he’d love to keep her in pristine condition. To know the musical keys and how to channel water with it takes an intelligence most might not credit to the Nocturne, but we’ll get to that as we go through the Keys. Just know, he’s not insane for tuning it midfight.

If the sound is off, or he begins playing a different key, then the effect would not necessarily be what he needs it to be to fight. He has to focus not only on the key of his Sitar, to make sure she’s tuned and playing properly, but also juggling the manipulation of Water at the same time? That’s insane focus, not to mention the dorky quirks he has of cutting jokes and bantering in fights.

Major Keys and How Water Might React

C Major

Tone: Innocently Happy

Completely pure. Simplicity and naivety. The key of children, free of burden, full of imagination. Powerful resolve, earnestness.

Water would flow easily, frolicking too and fro, almost, and at possibly its least lethal state: Could be used more in a playful sense.

DB Major

Tone: Grief, Depressive

Rapture in sadness. A grimacing key of choking back tears. It is capable of a laugh or smile to pacify those around, but the truth is in despair. Fullness of tone, sonority, and euphony.

Water would be ragged, agitated, ready to strike at a moments notice but could be deceptively calm until it’s too late. 

D Major

Tone: Triumphant, Victorious, War-Cries

Screaming hallelujah’s, rejoicing in conquering obstacles. War marches, holiday songs, invitations to join the winning team.

Water is energized, quick to flow from one point to another, taunting, tempting the opposing party. Threat level is extremely high

EB Major

Tone: Cruel, Hard, Yet Full of Devotion

Love, devotion, intimacy, openness.

Water would be firm - unmovable obstacles, determined to protect Demyx. More of a defensive key than offensive.

E Major

Tone: Quarrelsome, Boisterous, Incomplete Pleasure

Shouts of joy, complete delight, yet bickering, short-fused, ready to fight.

Aggressive offensive key, water movement dramatic, eye-catching and distracting, everywhere seemingly, and striking in seemingly random yet coordinated patterns.

F Major

Tone: Furious, Quick-Tempered, Passing Regret

Complaisance, controlled calmness over the readiness to explode. Deeply angry but composed and sociable still.

Water is calm but ruthless. Will absolutely blindside any target and attack relentlessly.

F# Major

Tone: Conquering Difficulties, Sighs of Relief

Triumph over evil, obstacles, hurdles. Surmounting foes and finally finding rest in victory. Brilliant clarity of thought and feeling.

Water would be confident, protective of Demyx but still a threat to any target.

G Major

Tone: Serious, Magnificent, Fantasy

Rustic, idyllic, poetic, lyrical. Calm and satisfied. Tenderness and gratitude. Friendship and faith. A gentle key, full of peace.

Most often used in Demyx’s down time if his mood matches it - water is peaceful and serene, if not playful in its movements.

AB Major

Tone: Death, Eternity, Judgement

Putrefaction, expansive viewpoints of a dark cosmos and existence. Haunting and lingering.

Most dangerous offensive key - Water is completely unpredictable, responds and reflects Demyx’s mood perfectly.

A Major

Tone: Joyful, Pastoral, Declaration of Love

Innocent love, satisfaction with the current state of affairs. Optimistic. Youthful and cheerful.

Used mostly as a support key, grants healing properties to the water - allowing it to soothe instead of wound.

BB Major

Tone: Joyful, Quaint, Cheerful

Love, clear conscience, hopeful aspirations for the future and a better world. Optimistic and able to take control in order to ensure peace.

Strongest of the support keys.

B Major

Tone: Harsh, Strong, Wild, Rage

Uncontrolled passions, angry, jealous, fury, despair, burdened with negative energy, prepared to fight.

Used as a last resort, extremely violent, can be offense or defense

Minor Keys and How Water Might React

C Minor

Tone: Innocently Sad, Love-Sick

Declarations of love and lamenting lost love or unhappy relationships. It is languishing and full of longing, a soul in search of something else.

Water would be calm, slow and sluggish to move, searching and reaching. Still a threat, could channel Demyx’s sadness to smother a foe.

C# Minor

Tone: Despair, Wailing, Weeping

A passionate expression of sorrow and deep grief. Full of penance and self-punishment. An intimate conversation about recognition of wrongdoing and atonement.

Water could vary from ruthless surge to stagnant calm, depending on Demyx’s mood or intent. 

D Minor

Tone: Serious, Pious, Ruminating

Melancholy, feminine, brooding worries, contemplation of negativity.

Water would be agitated, unpredictable, highest threat potentially.

D# Minor

Tone: Deep Distress, Existential Angst

Dealing with anxiety and existential terror, deep distress, dark depression. The dark night of the soul. Fear, hesitation, shuddering, goose bumps. The language of ghosts.

Most lethal key of the defensive ones: water adamant in protecting Demyx, unpredictable, and relentless in an assault to protect.

E Minor

Tone: Effeminate, Amorous, Restless

Can carry grief, mournfulness, restlessness. Like longing for a rescuer or a lover.

Water violent in its movements but oddly shallow, trying to encompass and drag its targets. Dangerously calm.

F Minor

Tone: Obscure, Plaintive, Funereal

Deepest depression, lament over death and lost, groans of misery, ready to expire. Harrowing. Melancholic.

A last ditch attempt - mix of offense and defense to protect Demyx. Water movement and patterns vary.

F# Minor

Tone: Gloomy, Passionate Resentment

Tearing at one’s hair and shirt, discontentment, long periods of lamentation and crying. Still capable of fighting this feeling.

Second wind type of key - dependent completely on Demyx’s mood

G Minor

Tone: Discontent, Uneasiness

Worry of the future, of a failed plan, gnashing of teeth. Struggling with dislike and malcontent.

Offense & Defense hybrid key, depending on Demyx’s mood/motive will dictate which way it leans further.

AB Minor

Tone: Grumbling, Moaning, Wailing

Suffocation of the heart, lamentations, life-long struggles. Negative looks at the experiences of life, competition, growth.

A key that is odd, and molds to what is most necessary for it to be. Not often used.

A Minor

Tone: Tender, Plaintive, Pious

Womanly, graceful in character. Capable of soothing.

Another support key - capable of soothing or easing pain, worries, etc.

BB Minor

Tone: Terrible, the Night, Mocking

Garment of the night, surly, blasphemous, turning away the world, preparations of the end. Pessimism and giving up, belief in darkness.

Another ‘last resort’ key, mostly used in defense to give Demyx a chance to escape.

B Minor

Tone: Melancholic, Patience

Key of patience, calmly waiting for fate, destiny, submission to karma.

A wild card Key, not often used, but capable of filling any role.

Now, keep in mind these are not solid Key explanations - I googled until I found explanations I agreed with for the given keys based on my thoughts of them. While this may seem jumbled, just always remember: Music sounds the way it does for a reason. If Demyx can control music or can channel water with it - atop the ability to manipulate it as he pleases, and can juggle all of this in the heat of battle?

That’s a ton to keep track of, let alone to have the perfect pitch ear to keep his sitar tuned just right to keep in the right key for the music. I’m getting off my soap box for now, but any time someone brings up Demyx being weak, I am strongly inclined to disagree. Again, everyone has their own portrayal, and this is just how I personally view his water and music controlling abilities. Take from it what you will. Anubis out.

[doomedandstoned]

Wasteland Coven Summon Doom From the Rust Belt

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

By Billy Goate

You're about to meet a true blue, dyed in the wool doom band from Ohio, which I discovered just a few weeks ago. This is WASTELAND COVEN, aptly named considering the industrial devastation that has visited the midwest, accentuated now even more in a time of pandemic. 'Ruined' (2020) is their debut EP and it features a singer, Susan Mitchel, that I would rank with Susie MacMullen of Brume and Dorthia Cottrell of Windhand. Sometimes vocalists try to pull off that coveted, full-bodied range, but end up sounding thin and wobbly. Not here.

Performing double duty on bass, Susan is joined in this Toledo crew by guitarists Bill Anderson and Brandon Collins, along with drummer Jason Wilcox. This is meat and potatoes doom, too, each of the three tracks on Ruined bearing the formative influences of Candlemass and Saint Vitus (the vocal cadence and guitar solos of "The Great Colossus"), Trouble and My Dying Bride (the mysterious and dramatic "Endless Night"), and the aforementioned Windhand (the riff laden intro to "Midsummer Days").

This mix of beauty and beast works well for Wasteland Coven. Susan's vocals take wings with sad urgency, rising above the dense, darkly downtuned procession of smoke and fire. Bittersweet leads break through the haze here and again, too, if for no other reason than to accent the gravity of the moment.

I've listened to the EP multiple times in a row and it is substantial enough to keep my appetite for doom satiated, without overstaying its welcome with an overly-familiar taste. Look for its release on Friday, April 17th (pre-order CD here), and listen to the record whole right here, right now via Doomed & Stoned!

Give ear...

Ruined by Wasteland Coven

A Chat with Wasteland Coven Guitarist Brandon Collins

Take us back to the band's origins. How did it all begin for you guys?

Things got started in late 2018, when our drummer Jason posted on Facebook asking if anybody wanted to play something dark and heavy. He was already playing in a punk band (The Old Breed) and a noise rock band (Sog City) so he was really looking to start more of a Manilla Road inspired band - he's a big Manilla Road fan. Sue (bass and vocals) and I (guitar) were both interested in Jason's pitch but style shifted a little bit as we all got together. By the first time we met up, he said to aim for Candlemass meets My Dying Bride (which I declared sorcery) and from there we drifted into the doom menagerie that we're at now.

Jason quickly roped in another guitar player, but after a month or two he lost interest, so we spent some time looking for another. During that search period we sketched out our first songs and booked some studio time for later in the year - we were going to record what we had regardless of who we had. Eventually Sue reached out to Bill who solidified the lineup midway through 2019 and we were officially a band. We practiced, finished up the songs as a four piece, and went to Lakebottom Recording House in September 2019.

How about a walk-through of the songs on 'Ruined' (2020)?

Midsummer Days

I think we all agree that this is the best song on here. It was going to be a shorter and simpler song originally, but it really kind of blossomed with all of us adding new bits to it. Lyrics mainly involve the imagery and feelings of a dying world. Really it's a sad, poetic veil over the changing of seasons, summer to fall to winter - seeing everything in nature fade and decay as seasonal depression kicks in. Admittedly, "Midsummer Days" isn't really a doomy title, but when you realize that they're dead. That'll teach you to judge too quickly! Kinda had to push Sue a bit to do the "trailing off into the void" vocals right at the end. She was reluctant, but I'm really glad she did them. It really adds some resonating loneliness.

Great Colossus

So originally, I came up with the riffs for this, played them for Jason, and when he added drums, his style immediately put Sue in mind of robots -- giant robots. And that drove us to make this our weirdest song lyrically, about falling in love with a giant robot with sexual overtones. Sue and I went back and forth on the lyrics for this one a lot, tweaking it to put just the right sultry spin on something cold and mechanical. This song sort of prompted the cover art. Around the time we were recording songs Sue was at an art show and saw the piece. Made her think of the song and said we needed it on our EP!

Endless Night

This was our first song, so I like to say it has first song syndrome -- not quite as strong as the others and maybe sticks out a little more 'cause you're trying to find your direction. But the main riff and the solos are still fun, so why not? Since it was going to be the first song for our doom band, the lyrics hit on a pretty typical doom metal topic: death. But I suppose the twist is that it's more about setting aside your fears and finding peace in your demise -- even as the music kind of betrays that peace and hints at the dread and dark thoughts behind it all. Solos here were fun to do. I take the first half of the solo section and Bill takes the second half, so we each get a chance to go our own direction just meeting for a moment to hand it off in the middle.

What was the recording process like for the band?

The bulk of it was done over the course of two weekends, September 27-29 and October 4-6 in 2019 (with a bit of touch up and review a few times afterwards). We went to Lakebottom Recording House in Toledo owned and operated by J.C. Griffin. Jason had recorded with J.C. many times before and refused to go anywhere else. But for the rest of us, it was our first time there and it was fantastic.

It's hard to imagine how it would have worked out with anyone else. J.C. is super encouraging and immediately invested in making sure you're getting a great sound - he's gives great direction for process, equipment, and performance. Really great weekends overall hanging out and playing music the whole time. The hardest part might have actually been the work week in between those two weekends -- coming down from all the joys and excitement with days full of music made "regular" life such a dull slog where we were just desperate to go back and do it again. Easily the most fun and best experience I've had recording.

In retrospect, maybe it was a bit weird that we were all so happy and having such a great time producing this melancholy music, but I don't think we put any thought into it at the time. Susan was extremely nervous and self-conscious when it came time to do her vocals, but with enough liquid courage she nailed it.

It looks like you had the album cover commissioned?

Artwork was done by Jackie McKown who lives here in Toledo. Sue saw the piece at an art show where Jackie was showing her stuff. These giant robot creatures wrecking shit was pretty in line with the initial themes of Great Colossus - it was lacking the sex/love angle, but it still fit just fine with the kind of destructive war-machines that could inspire love. Sue was very taken with it right away, so we went with it.

There's also presumably death and longing for better times involved in that kind of city-wide rampage, so you can tie into the other tracks as well. We sort of let that guide us, having the artwork inspire the title "Ruined." We had a city being ruined on the cover and we could find some form of ruination in each song. Then when it came time to lay everything out, we decided to ruin things a little more, adding wrinkles and dirt marks and imperfections.

This last question is just for the gearheads! Tell us what you're sporting these days?

Brandon: Epiphone Les Paul Studio guitar with an Orange Crush CR120C amp (frequently used to accidentally drown out everyone else), and for pedals: Big Muff Pi (with Tone Wicker), MXR EVH Phase 90, Cry Baby Wah.

Sue: Ibanez BTB 5 String Quilt Top bass, DR Dragon Skin strings (allergic to nickel), with a Fender Rumble 500 Combo amp and Big Muff Pi pedal.

Bill: ESP LTD Viper-256 w/Gibson 498T bridge guitar, ESP LTD EC-100 w/EMG 81/85. Amps include Peavey Valveking 2x12, Carvin X100-B 100 watt head*, and Carvin 4x12 Cab (used as needed). Pedal of choice: Digitech GNX4 Multi-Effects.

Jason: Tama Rockstar Drums.

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[monikafilefan]

3, 21 and 28 on the fanfic end of year asks

3. Favorite line/scene you wrote this year

Wow this is a killer question. I don’t think I could pluck out a fave line but one of my fave scenes to write was the sex scene in my “all things” fic Where all things lead. It has nothing to do with the actual smut written, but the monumental act of them finally coming together. I’ve always pictured their first time as something transcendental and I tried hard to make it that way.

21. Most memorable comment/review

Kasey, you’ve asked the hardest questions on here! 😆 I’ve received some wonderful comments and kind words this year and more than a few have made me choke up! I’m serious flattered and that’s rare. But I guess just off the top of my head, was a simple sentence left by @suilven19 and @sarie-fairy

I loved this story to bits and I would happily marry it and have its babies. You did an incredible job. Truly. I'm in awe of your talent.

Monika!!!! This is amazing. You’ve clearly put so much thought and work into this and it shows. I really appreciate that it’s Scully’s POV. That she clearly makes that choice and knows that Mulder had already made the choice and is waiting for her. I’m so down with there being that part of her that is tentative. Her heart is so all in but her fear of losing herself is there in her mind. The way you’ve woven this journey through time to take them back to the place of being together is just so lovely. There is always a touch of bitter sweet melancholy to them that you’ve captured. You gave me literal goosebumps. You written some very beautiful poetic prose. You should be super proud of this. 😘

28. Longest fic you read this year

Omg I’ve read SO many novel length fics this year it’s pretty damn sad. Just randomly popping in my head, Masodon Diaries (2x), 12 Rites of Passage/12 Degrees of Separation, Terra Firma (2x), My fave fic Worth Breaking, Prufrocks Love AUs, Arizona Highways, Universal Invariants/Laws of Motion, The Long Road Home, Wishing Series, Literally half of Whispersofx site, re read Donnilee’s works... honestly that’s just the tip of the iceburg on the LONG fics. Ive read many many more LOL.

Thanks so much for the ask😘

[alexandrasavior]

Alexandra Savior is here to pierce us all by way of melancholy as The Archer aims right for the heart

Tinged with Arctic Monkeys’ flair in spades, Alexandra Savior’s sophomore follow up to 2017’s Belladonna of Sadness, co-written with Alex Turner, is an homage to the heartbroken everywhere. And while one would think that Turner’s sound would be all over her debut, in retrospect, Belladonna of Sadness lacks his distinctive mark. Instead, it seems to appear more prominently on the new record, The Archer (a title Taylor Swift does not have the monopoly on). And just as Belladonna of Sadness was written two years before it finally came out, so, too, has The Archer long been in the works, with Savior commencing the title track in 2016.

Commenting on the notion that, during that period, in something of a Lana Del Rey parallel, she had reconciled with surrendering to the idea that she wouldn’t make music anymore, at least not at the “fame level” (just as Del Rey had bowed to while writing “Video Games”), Savior stated, “I was living with my mum and going to community college and thought that I was never going to make another record again. I was dropped [by the label] about a year after the first [album] came out. I wrote the song ‘The Archer’ on Christmas 2016.” So it was that the crux of the record was born. One that starts with the fittingly surreal and melancholic “Soft Currents.” The simple lyrics lament, “Seven years, I’ve had seven years of bad luck/And I’m just fine/Happiness I find happiness in the wrong places/Every time.” Even if that’s the case, in either her professional or personal life (more especially intertwined when one is a musician), she has ostensibly learned with time that, “My fate is at the hands of my mistakes/And that’s alright.” The ambient gloom of this acceptance segues effortlessly into “Saving Grace.”

Psychedelic to its core and filled with sweeping, overpowering guitar riffs, “Saving Grace” takes a page from 2013’s AM, on which Arctic Monkeys reached the zenith of their guitar usage, perhaps inevitably leading to the subsequent piano-favoring Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino. With lyrics that serve as a means to paint so-called Saving Grace as some sort of cruel drag queen dangling the potential for salvation before ripping it away, Savior sings, “Saving grace/Come here to petrify me/She’s not an angel, my dear/She is a beast.” In other words, do not trust her, she is a fugly slut.

And don’t trust the security of relationships for that matter, either, Savior soon apprehended after being dropped by her first label, Columbia Records. Of the “breakup,” Savior remarked, “…so a lot of the songs that I was writing before I got dropped, I was intentionally trying to impress this label that I wasn’t really suited for. When I had that freedom, it felt like I’d write the songs and they would just go into the abyss because there was nobody for me to send them to and and nobody was listening at all. But then I think that’s probably what made them a lot more personal than my last record.” So it was that she had a sort of Lady Gaga in “Marry the Night” experience, which occurred right around the same time as a romantic breakup that led to the creation of “Crying All the Time” on New Year’s Day, 2018. The moody, Sam Cohen-produced backbeat paired with the lament, “My death, it taunts me like a ship/Without a sail I know I’ll be gone soon/But just for him, I will prevail,” smacks, indeed, of a Del Rey/Turner lovechild, further compounded by the irony, “He doesn’t like it when I cry/And now he’s gone, so I’m crying all the time.”

The sultry overtone of the appropriately mating call-esque “Howl” solidifies the jilted lover theme of the record, as well as Savior’s adeptness at making spartan lyrics feel varied, with the only non-repeated verse of the song being, “Handsome dictator of my crimes/I can’t tell if they’re yours, I can’t tell if they’re mine/Sweet revelation bitter wine/I’m dreaming, but mostly I’m feeling behind.” With the fine line blurred between whether or not she’s responsible for her actions or the toxic love manipulating them is irrelevant after a certain point, and Savior must admit, “It’s a little dangerous when you come treading by me.” And yet how could we, as her listeners, not with a record like this”

The midpoint of The Archer, “Send Her Back,” persists with the laconic lyrics, the chorus, “Why don’t you send her back where she came from?” being easily applicable to both a mother after birthing her child or a boyfriend after rejecting his girlfriend of so many years. Whatever your particular interpretation as a result of your own personal situation, “Send Her Back” certainly inflicts some deep-seated feels. Of the kind that her unwitting mentor, Alex Turner, also knows too well about–not to mention how to evoke within his own listeners. As for the comparisons to their styles, let’s just say, “Can’t Help Myself,” which happens to be the sixth track on the album, opening with the sound of ambient waves washing ashore (likely a common sound when one is from the same Pacific Northwest milieu as Savior). More tinged with sardonic 60s girl group flair than some of the others, the song bears an additional tonal resemblance to the 60s stylings of Del Rey on “Radio” (as when she sings, “Now my life is sweet like cinnamon…/My body’s sweet like sugar venom, oh yeah”) and Arctic Monkeys on “Black Treacle.” Savior, in fatalistic turn, expresses, “Light dims as he walks my way/I’ve been running for a reason I could never retain/Sweet lips like pink lemonade/When he’s feeling generous he’s gonna give me a taste/’Cause nothing else can satisfy me/Oh, oh, I can’t help myself/Something comes over me, baby/Whenever you are around.” 

Such a sentiment transitions seamlessly into a song title like “The Phantom,” all rife with the connotations of being haunted by the object of one’s affection. Discussing the common phenomenon in unrequited love that essentially finds one person being more of an erotomaniac than the other (e.g. “I fell in love alone”), Savior reconciles the cult-like tendencies of the one she truly believed could love her as much in return, describing with the poetic turn of phrase we’ve come to expect by now, “Fell in love as a lone disciple/His altar at the root of my fate/Fell in love on a lonely night/Could predict every word he’d never convey.”

More languorous in rhythm than the others, “Bad Disease” is peak “creepin’ on you” vibes mixed with Arctic Monkeys’ verbiage. Again imbuing her lover with cult leader status, Savior offers up the sort of images one would expect from a The Shangri-Las, The Marvelettes or The Ronettes song (and then, of course, there are shades of Del Rey’s “Shades of Cool”), boasting, “Pandemonium quivers at his touch/My preacher, my undefined creature/Consumes me.” But who cares so long as that “bad disease” she’s referring to only involves a metaphorical burning in one’s loins?

The uber groovy “But You” is Savior at her most evocative in terms of making the listener fathom her extreme loneliness in the absence of the one she loves (or loved). The best way to conjure this picture is, naturally, with a mattress. More to the point, “the wilted edge of a lonesome mattress” where once her boyfriend used to lay. No more, alas. And the one person who can heal the pain of this wound is the one person who isn’t around to do so. Oh how cruel irony can be in matters of love and all the agony it wreaks (also causing one’s own body to reek from the depression side effect of not washing on the reg).

The denouement that is “The Archer” is as meandering and dreamy as the video itself, featuring Savior roaming aimlessly along the coastline (of Port Townsend, Washington) near a lighthouse that seems useless to her. Not just because it’s the daytime, but because, from a navigational standpoint, there is nowhere she needs to be anymore now that she’s lost the port in the storm that she thought was her true love, the one who “bit [her] head right off with [his] tiny little mouth,” prompting her to “lick the blood from [his] lips.” Indeed, Savior admitted that after some reflection, “At the time, my perception was that I was writing a song about how it feels to love someone, but now when I listen back to ‘The Archer,’ I realize that I was writing an observation of a psychologically unhealthy relationship, from the perspective of someone who is unconsciously aware that she is being emotionally mistreated.” Maybe, in the end, however, if The Archer is any indication, music is both emblematic of the lighthouse and her home. Regardless of living in any (last) shadow (puppet) of certain parties that have worked with her before. Savior is very much her own musician, even if also an amalgam of so many kinds of infinite sadness as previously conveyed by some of her more obviously influencing forebears.

[poeticpathetic-blog]

11-11-19 - me and my dog

I’m about to contradict the first post I made on here real quick, but that’s kind of what I do, you’ll get used to it. Or maybe you won’t. I still haven’t. 

Today I started crying approximately 30 minutes after waking up and then I went grocery shopping and then promptly started crying again. As usual, I check my period tracking app in a thinly veiled attempt to invalidate my own emotions by blaming them on my cycle, but I can’t find any evidence of that. As if that would make it any better anyway. Like, hey fellow womb-havers, it’s okay if you want to kill yourself as long as you’re bleeding out the remnants of your failed pregnancies at the same time! 

I spent most of this weekend listening to three songs on repeat. Well, mostly just two, but my usual dose of “Gloomy Sunday” that I indulge in on pretty much every Sunday turned into a two hour long loop of Billie Holiday induced depression. Aside from that though, my main listening habit has been to put on ‘Me and my Dog’ from the boygenius collaboration and either disappear into my mattress for a while, hardly moving, or to sob until I feel like my lungs are going to slide out of my mouth. 

I think the main bit that gets me is when they sing, 

But I couldn’t breathe, I went outside Don’t know why I thought it’d be any better

because that’s been my problem lately. Sometimes, I feel like utter shit, but if i can just manage to gather the energy not to wallow in it; to take a shower, to go for a walk, to at least watch something on TV or something - I will feel better...but not now. It doesn’t matter what I do. I went grocery shopping this morning and I was wandering around Sainsbury’s like a ghost, only sped up by the fact that they announced the ten minute countdown to the two minutes silence for poppy day, so I said ‘oh no baby, not my Irish ass’ and rushed to the till. Even the satisfaction of having Quorn nuggets to eat when I got home was not enough and since buying things and eating are my two favourite things in the world, I think that’s probably a cause for concern. 

I think the only thing that ever really makes me feel better is being near people that I love, and making them happy. Today I bought a coffee for my best friend, knowing it’ll likely be the most joy I’ll be able to bring myself today. In a way, I think the ability to make other people smile is the only thing any of us really have that’s actually worth anything. I just wish I was better at it and that I could make myself smile sometimes too. 

Regardless, I promised myself that no matter what I talk about on here, I am going to end it positively. I already have a private journal for throwing the darkest, horriblest shit at and I know that while it’s somewhat therapeutic, its better that I just write it down and forget about it. I can close my journal and its incoherent scrawl and use this blog to put down my objective, tangible emotions and actually try to understand them. And, as I am my own therapist, I will come up with what to do next. 

I know I have fallen a little (a lot) behind with my goals for the weekend, and since I’m going to be at home next weekend (yikes) I really need to get ahead this week, so no matter how I feel I can’t spend another day in bed listening to Phoebe Bridgers, Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus being all melancholy and poetic. Writing this is how I’m starting, then I’m going to have to read Wuthering Heights, as much as I might already hate it. (Sorry Emily) I also need to redraft a play I wrote based on my experiences in an emotionally abusive household, so that one might be a little difficult, but if the me who wrote the first draft could handle it, I don’t see why I can’t handle it now. Plus, everyone seems to like it, so I’ll hopefully actually get a good grade on my creative pieces for once! 

I’ll be keeping myself accountable as usual, because I am incapable of asking for help. But feel free to send me abusive anons telling me to do some fucking work if you’d like to<3 

- Swampy 

ps. I would like to end this with more lyrics from Me and my Dog, because that would be all cool and cyclical and stuff and as much as that song is my depressive anthem, there is some hopeful elements to it too... This bit a) makes me miss my dog and b) reminds me that the world is very big and that nothing really matters but in a beautiful way rather than a sad way, so here it is :) 

I wanna be emaciated I wanna hear one song without thinking of you I wish I was on a spaceship  Just me and my dog and an impossible view