#my relationship with Sammy is complicated

[thatonecrookedsmile]

I would say that, considering his history, he's not that wrong, but even I have doubts as to whether that would be right. But at the end of the day, this is just a joke that's been in my head for a while, sooooo…eh.

Oh hey, an attempt at a comic? Made by me? That I didn't give up during the process or lost all motivation? What was my only attempt at this, 2019? Damn, it's been a long time.

I thought about leaving this here without editing or any colors, just the natural ones from the paper and pencil. But something in my head said "HAHAHA, no" so I went back to work. I had to put this idea down on paper this time (literally). If another year passes without me being able to execute this idea, I would lose my mind.

This scenario was inspired by this video by Jehtt, inspired by the original meme by Windii. Credits to both of them.

For a long time I wanted to joke - especially on the anniversary - that I wanted Sammy to only have less than 5 seconds in the next game (or in other words, take his screen time in DR, and shorten it even more). You know, just for the funnies (unless..?) But,thanks to the news released at the beginning of January this year about The Cage, I legally can't do this joke anymore…this year. Don't worry, after that comes out (and finally gives Sam the screen time he wants,hopefully) and we start to crawl into the Bendy 3 production era, I'll make this joke when I can.

Anyway, happy birthday Sammy Lawrence. You may not be my favorite character in this franchise, but there are some things I can actually appreciate about you. Plus, you made me laugh a few moments before (you know what I'm talking about) so there's that.

And happy 7 years to Chapter 2, and by extension, Susie, Norman, Alice, the Searchers, (Johnny????), and Beta Ink Bendy. (I would mention Jack too, but he was only introduced with the release of CH4, so technically it's not his birthday yet, but I'll consider him here).

And now? May I be able to do something for CH4's anniversary. Wish me luck,cus I'll need it.

(it might be really late now, but it's still the 18th where I live, so it's still his birthday, so I still won)

[snevinsspn]

dean being older than sam and having experience with an apple pie life “pre-hunting” is so incredibly fundamental to their characters and the way they function (especially in the early seasons) it’s insane.

dean knowing how their family used to be before losing mary and spending his whole life trying to desperately piece it back together because it’s the only good he’s ever had and he romanticizes it even though he knows it wasn't perfect because it’s so good compared to what they have now vs sam knowing nothing but hunting and the family fractured by grief and wanting that same normal life by escaping because he can’t picture his family ever being like that.

like dean trying desperately to stay the loyal soldier to his father and look after sammy and do everything that’s needed of him for his family because he saw how it crumbled and how mary’s death tore them apart vs sam feeling constantly slighted his entire life because he’s never seen his family be a proper family that treats him the way he deserves. he has no history of happy family so he lashes out because he doesn’t feel there’s anything there to preserve. he has no hang ups on telling john how it is because he has no twisted up loyalty to a now broken and dysfunctional family.

it also explains so well how they view hunting and getting out. like sam hates it and wants out so bad because he views hunting as the source of all his family's problems and if they had never started hunting they wouldn't be "like that". he wants out because he believes the only way to be happy and have a good life is to not be a hunter. meanwhile dean knows that their family wasn't perfect before losing mary and starting to hunt ("their marriage wasn't perfect until after she died" and that entire scene show that really well). he knows that really there are problems everywhere and that family is complicated and that the issue lies more with their family than with hunting. he doesn't wish desperately to get out the way sam does because he knows there are problems with life no matter what and the only thing he's ever had in his life that was good was his family so he works so desperately to fix it and keep it together.

like dean looks at their family and says “this used to be so good and its the only good i've ever known and that’s buried here somewhere and i can get back if i’m Good Enough” vs sam saying “this has never been anything but a disaster and will never be anything but a disaster so if i want something perfect i have to leave”

[bizlybebo]

rewatched atsv yet again a bit ago and having so many pd thoughts.sighs

[aviawrites]

wait for me (sinners)

!s: smoke x oc

summary: Rue has worked for years to forget Elijah Moore and what he left her with before he ran to Chicago. But when she sees his ambitious twin in the square, all of their history comes rushing back. (3.1k)

a/n: it has been so long, but Sinners is truly a movie in its own category. i also need to preface that i am black for this story. anyway, as always, ur interaction is greatly appreciated, ily<3

warnings: swearing, n word use (by smoke and stack), mentions of child loss, abortion, sex, racism

in this story, our characters name is: Rue

Elijah Moore and I never had a complicated relationship. Hell, Smoke might even say we had none at all. But for years after he ravaged me in that car outside of the bar, I thought about him every night. We were together, I’d say — Boyfriend and girlfriend for as long as his grief consumed him. But the moment Annie found out, Smoke disappeared from my arms and was at her feet, begging for forgiveness. I don’t blame her, not in the slightest — I can only imagine that those were some of their darkest times.

Elias, on the other hand, him and I had a complicated relationship. When I found out that Smoke left a piece of himself in me, there was no way I could tell him, not after what he’d just been through. So I went to the closest thing to him, Stack. And although what we had is never to be considered romantic, there was something there — Familial, even. He knew it, Mary knew it, and for that very reason I was never allowed within an 100 foot radius of the twins until the day they left, not if I wanted to feel welcome.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

📍 Train Station || 12:00pm

The feelings from all those years ago bubble up inside me and form a twist in my gut when I see that all-too-recognizable burgundy top hat. My feet move before my mind can stop them, and in no time I’m approaching my old friend.

Stack flashes a gold toothed smile. “I’ll be damned.”

I return the nicety, pulling him in for a warm hug.

“Word spreads fast,” I nod. “Y’all still got the same appeal you had all them years ago.”

“You don’t have to tell me that, darling. I know it.” His cocky smile takes me back, the only thing differentiating him from his brother being his energy.

“Do I even want to know why you came back?”

“You heard it as good as I did,” he gestures toward little Preacher Boy and the old man. “We’re opening a Juke Joint tonight, right there down at the old mill.”

“Y’all never could stay still. Chicago wasn’t change enough for you?”

He shrugs. “Figured we should deal with a devil we know. Besides, we miss the tricking.”

“Mmm,” I hum. “Well if Miss Pearline back there is singing, I might just pay this Joint a visit.”

Stack looks past me and at the polka dottted woman walking away from Preacher Boy. 

“Shit, if that’s what it takes for you to come, it’s done.”

Always so charming.

He ogles me, his eyes scanning up and down my exposed arms.

“What’s this?” Stack rubs his fingers over the dark ink lining my skin — Art ranging from numbers to symbols to simple symmetric images. 

“You know I’m an artist, boy,” I pull my arm back, scoffing. “Figured I’d get a few permanent ones to remember a few things.”

“And you talking about we couldn’t stay still. I’ll be visiting to get a look at those paintings of yours one of these days.” Stack’s grin begins to fade as he looks over my shoulder. 

Preacher Boy walks up and nears his cousin. “This white woman’s been staring at you-“

“Yea, I see her…”

He shoos Sammie away and tries to walk me off, but I’m already well aware of what shark is in the water — I can hear her heels clicking behind me.

“Now is this Smoke? Or is that Stack?”

I turn my head. “Hi, Mary.”

No response. Only a rough shoulder check as she stands in front of me and nears Stack.

He looks over her head and at me. “I’ll holler at you, Rue-“

Mary interrupts. “No, you’re not talking to fucking Rue right now. You’re talking to me.”

Stack huffs, looking back down at the woman dressed in pink. I give him a ‘have fun dealing with that’look before turning and catching my train. 

Of all the women wrapped around the twins’ fingers, Mary has got to be the most spiteful of them all. For no good reason, though. Contrary to her belief, I never once slept with Stack, never even thought of it. But as far as she knows, I kissed him all the way to where the sun don’t shine, and then some.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

📍 Juke Joint || 10:00pm

This old mill has lit up under the construction of the twins. People hoot and holler as Pearline ignites the stage, turning into the musical beast I knew she would the minute she started singing. Having no dance partner, I simply clap along, moving my body to the beat alone. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the same damn burgundy hat that I saw only hours ago.

I can feel Annie’s eyes burning holes into my skull as I sit at the bar, Stack walking up to me.

“Now who the hell did y’all rob to afford this place? Ain’t this being sold from the Klan?” I shout across the bar, my voice being drowned out by Pearline’s Pale, Pale Moon.

Stack shakes his head. “Not klan, just crackers. You know we got money, girl. Don’t do that.”

“Yea, well blood money don’t count. So how much you got now?”

He pulls his pockets inside out, amusing me.

I chuckle, placing my money on the bar. “Y’all have blackberry bourbon smash?”

“I don’t know if I can do that for you…” 

His fake frown quickly turns into a grin as he takes the money, relaying my order to Grace.

“Fancy motherfuckers,” I mumble.

“What was that?” Stack eggs me on.

My eyes scan the bar, but all I can focus on is that hateful scowl on Annie’s face.

“I said all these women hate me.” 

Stack scoffs. “Only those particular women.”

‘That’s more than enough for me’ I think.

He leans in, his lips grazing my ear.

“You know none of these girls got shit on you, Rue. They ain’t half as strong either.”

A small smile grows on my face, matching Stacks. He goes to hand me back my cash, but I slide it back to him.

“I don’t need it,” I front.

“Yea, well me neither. So you gon’ fucking take it.”

I roll my eyes, pocketing the change and standing with my drink. I’ve barely made it away from the bar when cigarette smoke cascades from over my head. Instinctively looking up, I finally see him. 

Smoke stares down at me from the balcony with that hard expression he always wears. It’s so strange, seeing that rock solid glare. When we first met in a dingy bar on the side of a dirt Mississippi road, he hung his head low and seemed to always have glossy eyes. I didn’t believe him when he told me he was Smoke. When he fucked me that night, and many a nights after that, it was slowly — With passion, and often tears followed the act. But now his eyes are as dry as a dessert and they pierce a hole through mine. 

He takes another blow of his cigarette before turning his back to me, retreating into a room. I have no choice but to follow him, even if it’s just to get yelled at to go away as he did the last time we met. I take my time, downing my glass of bourbon as I walk up the stairs. I can’t pinpoint exactly why, but my heart thumps in my chest just before I open the door, all of the thoughts of what we could’ve had rushing back to my mind like they did eight years ago.

I enter the dimly lit room, closing the door behind me and leaning on it.

“Hello, Smoke,” I say lowly, unable to read his face.

“Why you here, Rue?” he grumbles, a roughness to his voice. “I’m already stressed the fuck out with this opening shit. Stack ain’t helping.”

“I don’t want no trouble. Just came for the music.”

“You being here is plenty trouble enough.” He scans my body the same as his brother, blowing his cigarette again. “You can’t find music no place else?”

“You want me to leave?” I ask honestly.

“Yea, I want you to leave. You think those women down there want you to leave too or are we acting stupid tonight?”

“They never even tried to like me, Smoke,” I sigh, my legs bringing me closer to him. I place my hand on his bicep, like I did all those years ago. “They got no idea what we had.”

He puts his hand on mine, pulling it off. “That was a moment of weakness, Rue. Whatever you think we had is gone now." 

I blink to avoid tears from forming. My first ever love, my first ever relationship being chalked up to a moment of weakness chips away at my heart. If it’s what he has to tell himself to dig out of the deep guilt he feels, so be it. But he won’t sit in front of me and act like what we had wasn’t real — Like it isn’t still there.

“So you're saying if the Juke was going good and Annie wasn't watching you like a hawk that you wouldn't entertain me? Wouldn’t consider us?"

Smoke shakes his head. “No, I really wouldn’t.” His brows furrow as he looks at me, seeming to remember a detail that he had previously forgotten. “And your cheating ass can take your business elsewhere.”

I can’t act surprised, not anymore. We allowed him to believe my infidelity as truth, Stack and I. Letting him think I went after his brother was easier than letting him know what Stack was really helping me do…At least it was in the moment. But as he stands in front of me now, I want nothing more than to ease his pain, calm his anger, and tell him the truth — Even if solely to stop him from loathing me so greatly.

“I didn’t cheat on you, Smoke.”

“Bullshit,” he stops me. 

“No, listen,” I step toward him. “I respected what you and Annie had, Smoke. I really did. And I understood that the loss of your baby caused you to make decisions that you might regret, even if that decision was being with me. So when you told me to leave you alone, I did. But I didn’t know if that still stood when I found out that we had a baby…”

The words feel odd coming out of my mouth. I tried so hard at the time to disconnect myself from it, calling the baby a thing inside my stomach rather than what it was: Mine and Smoke’s child.

His brows have smoothened out now and he’s actively listening, his eyes flashing from my face to my stomach and back to my face.

I continue. “I didn’t visit Stack all those nights to get at him. Smoke, I never wanted anybody but you. But God put it on my heart to give you and Annie peace, so we went at it alone. No one knew. He paid a few women to make the drink without telling them who it was for. It only took a few hours for the bleeding to start…”

My voice trails out. I’m unable to finish as flashbacks to that night replay in my head. My mama held me tighter that night than she ever had before…I hated Smoke that night more than I ever had before.

Tears line his eyes now.

He chokes on his words, his voice now much lower. “Don’t you lie to me, Rue…” 

“I wouldn’t lie, baby,” I assure him.

I hold my arm out for him, revealing the tiny footprint tattooed on my wrist, a small E underneath it. 

“We couldn’t be sure, but I had a feeling it was a boy. Ezra, I was thinking. Stack hated the name but…” I shrug. 

Smoke runs his thumb over the tattoo, holding my hand in his. He attempts to discreetly wipe his tears, but I see them all the same. Looking up at him, his face can only be compared to the face he made when we spoke about his late baby, which wasn’t often at all. A mix of anger, sorrow, and fear. 

Perhaps he’s considering what could have been, just like I used to — Just like I still do. I used to curse God for putting me in such a position. A second chance for Smoke to be a father, but at the worst of times. I’d have dreams of talking to a clone of myself, telling her that she owed it to Smoke to tell him about the baby. It’s only now that I really see the consequences of my decision.

Smoke looks at me, and then at the door. It’s as if a switch has flipped and he’s forced all of those emotions to turn into one…anger. He reaches for the door, but I lean against it.

“Smoke, it’s already done,” I tell him, holding my hand against his chest. “I just couldn’t take you hating me no more.”

“Move out the way, Rue,” he says, not hearing a word I say.

“I don’t want to cause a scene, Smoke. Please.”

“You think I give a fuck about causing a scene? Move out of the fucking way.”

“Smoke, it hurts enough as it is-“

“You’ve got one more time, woman.”

“There’s nothing we can do now!”

He wraps a hand around my arm, yanking me just enough to pull me away from the door and swinging it open. I run out behind him, but he’s already looking down the overlook.

“STACK!” he shouts down, the name echoing through the building. 

Everybody looks up, including Mary and Annie. Stack stares up at us, blowing smoke through his nose, before turning back to the crowd. He tells them to resume, nudging Sammie to keep playing. After a moment of silence and a few stray whispers, the music begins again and Pearline starts her singing. Mary holds Stack close, asking him not to go — But as always, the twins do what they want when they want. As Stack rounds the corner, I retreat back into the room, unprepared for what reaction he might have.

He’s barely entered before Smoke pins him against the wall, his forearm over Stack’s chest.

“The fuck?”

“Is it true?” Smoke demands, maintaning his cig in his pinning hand.

I close the door, shouting over the music. “Smoke, stop!”

He ignores me, continuing to press his brother. “Un uh, I asked you a question, nigga. Did you know she had my baby?”

Stack’s eyes shoot from Smoke to me. I can only nod, giving him permission to tell the full truth as I just did. Stack relaxes, putting his hands up.

“I only did it to protect you, mane.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“You gon’ let me go so I can explain?” 

Smoke lingers before reluctantly letting his brother go with a shove. He puts a hand in his pocket, staring Stack down.

He gestures his cig at his brother. “Talk.” 

Stack smoothens his suit, lighting one of his own. “You know I don’t like that shit, Smoke-”

“Talk.”

He sighs, putting on a smile once more as he tries to explain calmly. 

“When y’all two broke shit off, we had no idea we were even going to Chicago, Smoke. Shit, I still thought you and Annie were gonna get married and buy you a house. Rue said you told her to stay away to make that happen, so I helped her stay away. Now we both know she’d never forgive you if you had a baby with another woman.”

“But my baby is none of your fucking business, Stack.”

“I was trying to give you a life, nigga,” Stack urges. “Annie is where that life was at. Fuck I look like throwing Rue back at you when you didn’t want her?”

“My baby, Stack.”

Guilt boils inside of me. I never allowed myself to entertain the idea of keeping the baby. There was no way I’d bring him into this world without a father, and Smoke had Annie, so I thought I had no choice. But seeing him blink back his tears now makes me second guess every moment that the baby was inside of me.

Stack thinks carefully about his next words, his smile having faded as he sees how serious his brother is taking this.

“I’m sorry, man,” he shrugs, his tone softer now. “I did what I thought was safest for all parties involved, you hear me?” 

Smoke is about to speak when a hard knock pounds the door. 

“Stack?” Mary’s familiar voice rings out from the other side.

“Now I gotta get back to the Joint.”

I hold my head low. “Bye, Stack.”

He heads toward the door, but not before turning to his brother one more time.

“We good?”

Smoke looks from me to Stack, giving him a small nod.

“Get out of here ‘fore I say no.”

Stack only smiles, swinging the door open. I stand beside him, greeting Mary.

“Oh my- Not this trifling bitch again, Stack.” She rolls her eyes.

“Come on, lay off, Mary.”

“I think you owe her a goddamn apology,” Smoke intervenes, standing behind me.

I mumble, “it’s fine, Smoke.”

Mary scoffs. “For the fuck what?”

“For how you been treating her all these years.”

“How I’ve been treating her? You’re the one who fucked her for a month before running back to Annie.”

“You best watch your mouth woman,” he blows smoke toward her. “It’s not too late to pay one of them bitches downstairs to drag your ass out.”

“I’d like to see you try, Smoke-“

“Alright,” Stack interrupts. “Let’s go.” 

He pushes Mary away before closing the door behind him. I assume my previous position, leaning against the door — a much thicker tension in the air now.

“If you hate me even more after this, I understand.” I break the silence. “I don’t blame you, I just couldn’t let the truth belong to me and him alone anymore.”

Smoke stares at his feet, deep in thought. It’s become increasingly harder to tell what this man is thinking. He drops his cigarette, stepping on it.

“Now why would you do that on these new floors-“

His lips are on mine before I can finish, his hungry hands pulling up my dress. It’s automatic, the way my arm wraps around his neck, my hand nearing his crotch. He begins kissing down my neck, but I pull away. He stares at me, eyes wide.

“This isn’t a moment of weakness, is it?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I don’t need a moment of weakness to do what I’m about to do to you.”

I smile, bringing his lips to mine once more. 

Annie will hate me if she finds out, she might hate Smoke even more. But like I told him before, she has no idea what we have. And if I want to fuck my sinner one last time in this Juke Joint, that’s exactly what I’ll do. 

[lookslikevespa]

My two cents towards Yasammy

I think the whole point the writers are making with yasammy, taking their interviews and hints on social media into account, that they are going to restart their relationship with a different and more mature basis, beyond trauma bonding.

Shortly before S3 release, this was said by Nick Rodriguez: "And, obviously, getting the chance to write a complicated but still pretty healthy queer relationship with Yaz and Sammy healed a lot of childhood wounds, not gonna lie."

They grew apart for I assume at least 6-12 months (Yaz moving for therapy) and things happened.

Namely Brooklynn's death and Sammy's family not talking to her anymore. I assume Brooklynn's death and Yaz moving are pretty close together, as we see the Camp fam on a video call shortly before and it's established they all kind of lost touch after her demise.

They both changed during this year, for better and for worse.

They both need to accept that the other changed. Yaz overcame her anxiety but in exchange Sammy lost everything.

Yaz's healing sacrificed her connection to Sammy during her absence, as Sammy didn't treat her like an adult. We see this in Season 1 of CT and also explicitly mentioned by Yaz. Judging by context clues, Sammy didn't communicate that being left behind by Yaz actually did hurt her. Maybe she was fine at first, but all the events chaining up made it worse. However, none of this was communicated to Yaz: "I don't want her to fall back". She made Yaz think that she actually cut out her family after disagreements, only correcting this in their final argument.

To keep it short:

They need to understand the different POVs they had on their relationship.

Sammy needs to accept that Yaz is an adult who can handle herself and overcame her past trauma.

Yaz needs to accept that Sammy can't be taken for granted, as she's not the only one with problems.

In conclusion, they need to talk and they will talk. And they will approach it from a different perspective.

And if not, then I'll be very disappointed in the show, as Yasammy has been crafted so beautifully over the past 5 years. That would be very disappointing :(

[deadassluv]

JWCT SPOILERS

People who say Sammy or Yaz are wrong are the ones who are WRONG!

Now let me explain.

I’ve watched season 3 like three times by now (yeah ik I’m obsessed) and I’ve pay a lot of attention to details, expressions, actions, words, and let me tell ya, everything is amazingly well done, season three is the best one so far, even better than season 3 of cc. Overall I give it a 9.8/10, can’t give it the full ten because of the handlers death and the Yasammy break up, but everyone has their opinions. But that’s not the reason why I’m writing this.

Before I start, this is MY opinion I’m not saying this is a fact or whatever, so don’t attack me.

Both of Sammy’s and Yaz’s opinions are valid, like super valid, I completely understand both sides. But Sammy’s side is more understandable than Yaz’s, and just because it is it doesn’t mean that Yaz is wrong, she is a 100% NOT wrong for wanting to help her friend, her sister, Brooklynn is someone Yaz considers as FAMILY, and she is just worried, and in case nobody “noticed” she misses Brooklynn, she just wants to see her, make sure she’s okay, she wants to hug her, talk to her again. And all of this wishes make Yaz think that Sammy’s argument is not …right in a way. Also, I think all this time away from her girl has made her read Sammy less, if that makes sense.

Yaz has grown so much as a character, you can see that her ptsd has gotten better, way better, to the point where she’s willing to yell at one to save her girl, or be brave enough to find a way to escape when being chased by one. She has become better at listening to her friend’s problems and talking them through it. Now here’s the thing that I’ve noticed, Yaz seems to be helping everyone but one person, and that is Sammy, her own girl. Why? The reason why I think that Yaz might think that Sammy does not need the help she’s giving everyone else is because she is just afraid. She is probably afraid that while trying to help Sammy she will do or say something that’s gonna make Sammy think that Yaz has done no progress. Or maybe she thinks that if Sammy had some kind of problem she will immediately go to her and talk to her about it. But that’s what Yaz doesn’t know, she doesn’t know that Sammy is not communicating, not the way she should.

Communication is key, we all know that we all have heard that before. But there’s no communication in this relationship or ex relationship (I really don’t want to call it that) Yaz is listening to Sammy but at the same time she’s not. Yaz doesn’t seem to take Sammy’s argument serious, she calls Sammy ridiculous and then she calls her a coward (which is not entirely a lie) not only that, Yaz thinks that Sammy is not only being affected by Brooklynn but also her family. Yaz is not wrong by thinking that but the fact that she didn’t even thought about her leaving Sammy and going miles away from her didn’t affect Sammy is what escalates the issue.

Sammy also made a bunch of mistakes, she has been avoiding COMMUNICATION with her girlfriend, she’s been having this kind of passive aggressive behavior towards Yaz, and that just made things more complicated. Every time her and Yaz tried to have a not so argumentative conversation it always ended up becoming an argument, because neither one of them don’t want to listen to each other. Sammy is so blinded by grief, betrayal, abandonment, anger, and sadness that she just can’t seem to find herself anymore. The whole thing of her family not talking to her seemed to make her believe that Brooklynn is doing the same thing to them. She feels like Brooklynn just doesn’t care about them, about her. As we know Sammy and Brooklynn were inseparable, they were like sisters, and the whole Brooklynn prefers to go with the woman that tried to killed her and them, is the final straw for Sammy. That’s what makes her snap and not care about what anyone else says other than herself.

The thing that hurts the most about this break up is that they both still love each other so much, but they are too afraid that if they stick together they’re going to end up hurting one another. They both thought that the best way of not hurting each other was just end things, maybe go back to what they use to be, just friends. But they are both wrong, the break up only made things worse between them, to the point where Sammy can’t even look at Yaz or talk to her because it hurts her so much. And Yaz, you can see that it hurts her that Sammy doesn’t want to even look her way, the way she stared at the table seen that she has actually lost her girl. Sammy preferred to go back home than to be with her, and that broke her heart even more.

I still believe that they’re going to find a way of getting back together. Like come on, that’s the crew’s favorite couple, they won an award thanks to them. There’s no way Sammy and Yaz are not end game.

And if they are going to fix things I just hope there more than just one season left, so things don’t feel rushed. They deserve their time to talk about everything and be comfortable with each other again. And also Brooklynn needs to help with the whole getting Sammy and Yaz together situation, because Brooklynn played a big part on destroying those two girls.

Sorry ik is a lot, but I really needed to share this opinion to see if anyone agrees with me or if I’m just crazy and completely obsessed with them. (They’re my emotional support)

I hope everyone feels okay after that heart breaking season :)

[the-mpreg-guy]

sometimes i worry i'm being a misogynist when i get angry at mary about some of her actions during season 12 (i dont hate her i just think shes very complex and i am biased bc of my own hang ups with my family) and its like. god i kind of wish there was an easy answer to who is right during season 12 bc sometimes people want dean to be fully wrong or mary to be fully wrong and i just dont think either is completely wrong or right.

For the record, I don't think you're a misogynist for having a bias you're fully aware of and not making other ppls problem. Mary Winchester is a complicated character for me, because on the one hand I do think she's a very complex human and that bringing her back on the show opened new doors for interesting relationship dynamics and plotlines, but on the other hand I was cursed with incredibly messed up Mommy issues that just make her unenjoyable for me personally.

I think a lot of cognitive dissonance that people (me) experience regarding Mary's insertion in the late seasons of Supernatural have to do with how the narrative seemingly punishes Dean for wanting incredibly valid things. He wants another adult to shoulder the burden, he wants a parent around who isn't going to neglect his emotional needs or put protecting Sammy solely to him. Mary diminishes these wants, basically chalking his desires down to him wanting a mother who "cuts the crusts off his sandwiches" and like. Man, that's not what he was asking for. He just wants her there.

And we're all incredibly attached to Dean at this point (we're at 12 seasons and counting after all), so we look at the narrative (and other characters) punishing Dean for these very valid, realistic wants, and are like. Wow, Mary Winchester sucks.

And honestly that's a fair assessment of the situation. She's not being a great mom, she's not being fair to either of her kids, and she is reducing incredibly normal wants down to shallow, ridiculous things that no adult should be demanding of their mother.

But the thing is it's never that simple or black and white.

Mary is so fucking incredibly valid for needing space in season 12. She just came back from the dead, her husband is dead, her kids are in their late 30s/early 40s, the entire world is fucked, and she doesn't have a relationship with these two men who were her babies literally like. An hour ago to her. That's INSANE. That's a situation that there is literally no precedent for. She can't fall back on her husband or literally anyone she knew for support her because they're all dead.

It would be like if it had been 40yrs topside when Dean came back from hell and he found out that his entire family was dead and also he had a kid who is now technically older than him and wants to have a relationship with him. Just to put things into perspective. And we wouldn't blame Dean for needing time and space to process that.

Dean and Mary are both valid. Their feelings and reactions to the situation are valid. But unfortunately being valid doesn't mean you're being fair. Neither of them are fully correct for having expectations of each other, but neither of them are exactly wrong either.

The real villain in the situation is Amara, who didn't bring Mary back because Mary deserved another shot, who didn't bring Mary back because Mary wanted to come back, who didn't bring Mary back because Sam never got to know her as a mom, but brought her back because she assumed there was something wrong specifically in how Dean loved her post-death.

Mary was selfishly brought back on the whim of a god-like being who didn't care that it would bring greater pain to Mary and Dean. She didn't like the way that narrative went, so she, like so many other people in Mary and Dean's life, decided to interfere.

I suspect that the reasons that you and I don't enjoy Mary's inclusion in later seasons is that a) fandom at large blames either Mary or Dean entirely for their conflict and makes out that one of them is a bad person (primarily Dean, which is unfair for a multitude of reasons), b) people act like Amara was correct for her reasoning in bringing Mary back and c) the narrative ultimately punishes both of them by killing Mary again. It's just not fun to watch, not even in a "my faves are suffering" kinda way. We dislike Mary because the Mary plotline is unfair, and we've grown up with a lot of unfairness.

[ollybenrio]

I’m gonna get my thoughts and predictions out before the new Chaos Theory season comes out.

I think, genuinely, they’ve gotten all the ships and relationships set up to bring together the endgame couples. they’re setting all these relationships up so that when the real endgame plots happen, it hits us harder, gives us more of a deeper plot.

So far what i think is going to happen to the current in CANON couples we see/have;

Sammy and Yas: YES endgame, a beginning couple that they plan to keep.

Kenji and Brooklyn: NOT endgame, a beginning couple they gave for those who enjoy it, but as of now (chaos theory s1), it’s grown deeply complicated, and has made us dislike them (atleast me, they grew unhealthy for eachother). Gives plot and “complication” to future Kenji & Brooklyn relationships, gives us shock factor, entertainment for when/if future relationships with different people occur.

How i think it’ll end up;

Brooklyn and Darius: YES endgame. CT s1 we already see Darius has a crush on her, and we’ve previously (cc) seen them with lots of romantic history and chemistry. Most (?) of the fandom prefers them, and the creators know this (they also are not the type to ignore what fans want!). They’ve foreshadowed this relationship in s1 during the abandoned house scene (with that weird tub) where Kenji gets mad at Darius for liking her (I think?) but later towards the end of the season, we can see them forgiving each other, which MAY be forshadowing and giving that underlying feeling that Kenji is okay with Darius/Brooklyn, and that technically, they don’t like each other anymore, so Darius can do whatever he wants, even if that means dating her.

Ben and Kenji: YES endgame. We’ve already gotten tons of chemistry and dare i say, romantic history, with these two. that whole monorail scene where Kenji wears Bens “dork pouch” for ever? they were testing the waters with that. we know these creators aren’t scared of putting lgbtq relationships out there, so we know this also has plenty of potential. We know they didn’t interact so much during ct s1 but that whole egg scene with Speckles? that was a little… yk. They fit perfectly especially since everyone else is already going down their endgame routes with others that aren’t these guys. so in the end, they put these two together.

as a writer, and person who has watched plenty of movies and read books, i can see the route writers will go for things like this. it’s not always about preference, but where things/characters slot in. in relationships, these couples all make sense for endgame purposes. They gave us Kenji x Brooklyn for those who wanted it (more than enough seasons, might i add) so know they’ll feed the others who like Kenji x Ben and those who like Brooklyn x Darius. it all makes sense in the end.

let me know your thoughts on this!!

[justwhisperingfantasies]

This is my first piece for @jarpadversebingo . Squared Filled: College A.U Pairing: Sam Winchester x reader best friends to lovers. Warnings: Language, Fluff, Angst(ish), Pining, Drinking, Jealousy, Couple Fighting. Summary: College is hard. Add on being in love with your best friend (who you have to watch struggle in their relationship) Make's it a real B**ch. Word count: 2500 Special thanks to @nightxcreature for being my beta 🫶 My Tag list My Master List Hope y'all enjoy ♡

“I’m never gonna get this.” Sam huffed as he tossed the old book on the coffee table.

“Not with that attitude.” You told him,

“I think we need a break.” He voiced, standing up and starting toward the mini fridge in your common room.

“So, where’s Jess at tonight?” you asked him

“Um, girl’s night.” He said twisting the cap off two beer bottles. “She said she needed to let off some steam.” He rolled his eyes.

“Hmm. She’s been doing that a lot lately.” You commented.

“Yea…” He handed you a beer and sat down. You clanked your bottle to his and took a drink. “Back in the day she used to get mad when I didn’t go out with her.”

“We don’t have to talk about your relationship problems, if its too awkward for you.”

“You’re my best friend y/n.” he bopped your nose. “Why would it be awkward?”

You hated that term "best friend." Good enough to keep all your secrets and talk through your problems with but not good enough to be in a relationship with. You forced a smile, trying to mask the sting you felt every time you heard it.

"She’s been distant." Sam admitted, fidgeting with the label on his beer bottle. "I feel like she's pulling away, and I don't know what to do about it.”

You nodded, feeling a mix of empathy and frustration. "Have you talked to her about it?"

"I've tried, but she just says everything is fine." He sighed, taking another swig of his beer. "I don't want to push too hard and make things worse, you know?"

You leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. "Relationships are complicated. Maybe she just needs some space to figure things out."

"Yeah, maybe." He seemed lost in thought, his eyes distant. "I just wish I knew what she was thinking."

You turned to him, your heart aching for him and for yourself. "I'm sure it will all work out, Sam. Sometimes people just need time."

"Thanks, y/n." He gave you a small smile. "And thanks for being here. I don't know what I'd do without you."

You smiled back, hiding the turmoil within. "Anytime, Sammy.”  You picked the book up off the coffee table. “So back to Constitutional Law.” You told him, making him groan.

“y/n!!” Sam shouted, collecting dirty looks as he ran through the library toward the table you were sitting at. “I did it! I passed the test!”

You stood up and threw your arms around him, “I knew you could it it!!”

His arms tightened around your waist; your feet left the ground as he spun you.

“Ok, enough spinning.” You told him, making him laugh.

“I couldn’t have done it with you.” He kissed your chest, making them turn red. “Thank you.”

“Yes, you could have.” You reassured him “But you’re welcome.”

“I gotta go call Jess.” He pulled out his cell phone, walking away.

Your hand slid to the place where his lips just were, a sharp ping in your chest as you watched him walk away. You sat back down returning to your books, determined to focus, but the lingering warmth of his kiss made it difficult to concentrate. The library seemed quieter, almost melancholic, as you gathered your thoughts and tried to push the emotions aside.

“I don’t get it Charlie.” You told your best friend as you plopped on her bed. “Why can’t he see it?”

Charlie sighed, putting down her book and turning to face you. “You know, sometimes people just can’t see what’s right in front of them. It’s like they have blinders on, focusing on everything but the most obvious thing.”

You stared at the ceiling, feeling the weight of her words. “But why? It’s so frustrating.”

“Maybe it’s because they’re scared,” Charlie continued thoughtfully. “Scared of ruining what they have, or scared of what might happen if they acknowledge it. Or maybe they’re just not ready to see it yet.”

You sat up, hugging your knees to your chest. “So, what am I supposed to do? Just wait?”

Charlie smiled gently. “Sometimes, yes. And sometimes, you just must be patient and let them come to their own realization. It’s not easy, but if it’s meant to be, it will happen in its own time.”

You nodded slowly, taking in her words. “I just wish he could see it now.”

“I know,” Charlie said, patting your hand reassuringly. She stood up and moseyed over to the mini fridge. “But trust me, if it’s meant to be, he’ll see it eventually. And until then, we have beer.”

You managed a small smile, feeling a bit more hopeful. “Thanks, Charlie. You always know what to say.”

“Anytime,” she replied, the bottles clanked as she tapped your bottle with her own and you both took a swig.

You could hear yelling as you walked up the hallway to the apartment, recognizing Jessica’s voice getting closer to their door.

“Um, maybe we should just go without them, Max.” You voiced turning around to him.

“Or maybe they need to go out to end the argument.” He countered.

“Dude… That sounds bigger than just an argument.”

Max rolled his eyes and knocked on the door.

Sam's face was a mixture of sadness and anger as he opened the door. The spark in his eyes as they met yours was undeniable. "Hey guys… sorry about the noise," he said, his voice a blend of frustration and relief.

Concern etched on your face. "Is everything okay, Sam?"

He sighed heavily, running a hand through his tousled hair. "It's been a rough day.”

"Maybe getting out for a bit will help clear the air." Max pleaded.

A weak smile tugged at Sam’s lips. "Yeah, you’re probably right. Let me just grab Jessica."

As Sam turned back into the apartment, you exchanged a worried glance with Max. Moments later, Jessica emerged, her face flushed and eyes weary. Despite the tension, she forced a smile. "Ready to go?"

You nodded, hoping the evening out might provide some much-needed relief for everyone. "Yeah, let’s get out of here."

You all walked down the hallway together, the tension in the air was thick, almost palpable. Each step echoed the unspoken worries and unresolved conflicts. Sam walked ahead, his shoulders slumped slightly, while Jessica kept her gaze fixed on the floor. You and Max exchanged another glance, silently agreeing to make the evening as light-hearted as possible. As you reached the building's exit, the cool evening breeze brushed against your face, releasing some of the awkwardness.

Your group managed to find an empty high-top table. You sat down next to Max, across the table from Sam.

“I’ll be right back.” Max said as he started towards the bar.

Your eyes scanned the bar, trying to hide your discomfort.

“So, y/n, big day Monday. Isn’t this exam worth half your grade?” Jessica asked you.

“Yep. If Max wouldn’t have held me to my promise I would have my nose in a book right now.”

Sam chuckled. “I’m surprised you didn’t bring them with you.”

You peered at him as you gave him a mocking look. Jessica’s eyebrows rose as you and Sam teased each other.

Making his way back, Max sat a tray on the table. There were 9 shots and 3 beers sitting on it.

“Did you leave any for anyone else?” Sam joked.

“Shut up and do a shot.” Max remarked.

As the glasses emptied, your group relaxed and started having fun.

Jessica stood up and started swaying her hips, you could tell she was starting to feel the effect of the alcohol. You looked away as she wrapped her hands around Sam from behind. Not being able to stop it, you glanced back out of the corner of your eye. Your heart sank as you found a wide smile on his face with her whispering in his ear.

He chuckled. “You know I don’t dance, babe.”

She pouted.

“That’s not going to work.”

“Fine” She sighed. “Max, come dance with me?” she held out her hands.

“Of course, darlin.” He drank the last swig of his beer and stood up. “But forewarning if a hot guy approaches me, I’m ditching you.” he stated as he gabbed her hands, making the 3 of you, chuckle.

Sam turned to you. “What’s on your mind over there?” he stretched his leg, tapping you on the knee with his foot.

“How did you know?”

“Your beer.” He pointed at the bottle in your hand. You looked down realizing you were scratching off the label with your nail. “You always do that when you’re debating something, or nervous.”

You let out a soft, amused chuckle. “Well, I was debating on whether I should ask you what’s going on with you two.”

 “Ah I see.” He smiled and took a drink. “I don’t want to bother you with it.”

You glared at him. “Come on. Out with-it Winchester.”

He chuckled. “It’s stupid.”

“Amuse me.”

“She thinks I have feelings for you.”

You swallowed hard as your heart leaped into your throat. “Why would she think that?” you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.

Sam shifted uncomfortably in his seat, glancing away for a moment before meeting your gaze again. “I don’t know! Maybe because we spend a lot of time together, and she gets jealous”

You looked at him intently, searching for any hint of truth in his eyes. “And do you?” you asked softly, almost afraid of his answer.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Honestly, I don’t know what I feel anymore. She’s been so distant lately, and you’ve always been there for me. It’s confusing.”

You felt a mixture of emotions swirling within you. Hope, fear, and deep empathy for your friend. “Sam, I’m always here for you, but I don’t want to be the cause of any problems between you two.”

He nodded, appreciating your candidness. “You’re right. I need to clear things up with her.”

You pulled your purse onto your shoulder as you walked out into the common room. Charlie was sitting on the couch, smiling at you. Your eyes followed hers as she looked at a bouquet of white lilies with red roses, sitting on the coffee table.

“What are those?”

“I do believe they call those flowers, darlin’.” She smarted.

Your head tilted “Well no shit sherlock. Who sent you those?”

“They aren’t for me.”

Creases formed in your forehead as you read your name written on the note card. “Who are they from?” You leaned down and grabbed it.

“I didn’t read it, but I got a good guess.” She smiled.

The card read:

You're not going to need it, but good luck today! You got this y/n! I'll see you after.                                             -♡- Sam

You blushed slightly, feeling a wave of warmth washing over you as you tucked the card into the pocket of your purse.

“Maybe you won’t have to wait much longer,” Charlie teased, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

A smile tugged at your lips. "Yeah, maybe not," you replied softly.

“How did you do you have so much shit, Sammy?” Dean asked his little brother as he loaded more of Sam’s belongings into his truck.

Sam chuckled. “Thank you. For helping me.”

“Not a problem.” Dean sighed. “Are you sure it’s over? You might be able to.”

“Dean.” Sam cut him off. “It’s over.”

“What are you not telling me Sam?”

Sam glanced at Dean, a small smile creeping onto his face. "I have feelings for someone else," Sam explained.

Dean smiled as he registered Sam’s words.

"She's incredible. Smart, kind, everything I finally realized I needed." He paused, looking down at the ground for a moment before meeting his brother's eyes again. "She's been my rock through all of this."

“She is pretty special huh?”

"She is," Sam affirmed. "She's got this way of making everything seem... brighter. Even when things are tough, she’s always there, supporting me, believing in me."

Dean nodded slowly, processing his brother's words. "Well, Sam. It’s about damn time."

A weight lifted off your shoulders as you walked out of the exam room. A smile spread across your face as you saw Sam pacing in the hallway, waiting for you.

"I didn't know you meant right after, Winchester," you said, a hint of playful surprise in your voice.

Sam's smile broadened, his eyes lighting up with warmth and amusement. "Oh, so you got the flowers," he said, his tone teasing yet tender

"I did," you replied, starting to walk over to him, your heart fluttering with every step. "They're beautiful, Sam. Thank you.”

Sam's smile widened even more, if that was possible. "I'm glad you like them," he said, his eyes sparkling with warmth and amusement.

“So, how’d you do?”

“What do you think? I aced it.” you teased.

“Of course you did.” He agreed, still smiling

“So, what’s the plans for today?” you asked him

"Come on," he said, taking your hand gently but firmly. "There's something I want to show you."

You followed him, curiosity and excitement mingling in your chest. He led you through the winding corridors of the building until you reached a staircase that ascended to the roof. With every step, the anticipation built, the air between you charged with unspoken words.

When you finally reached the top, the view took your breath away. The iconic, red-tiled roofs of the university buildings gleam brightly under the azure sky, creating a picturesque contrast against the lush greenery. The palm-lined main quad is bustling with students and visitors, all soaking in the warmth and vibrant energy of the day.

Sam turned to you, his expression soft and vulnerable, a look you had seen rarely but cherished deeply. "I have a confession. And I’m sorry it’s taken this long, Being your best friend has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me " he began, his voice steady but filled with emotion. “You a way of making everything better. You’ve been my light in the darkest of times. But.” He started walking towards you.

Your heart pounded in your chest as his words sank in.

His steps slow and deliberate, as if he was savoring each moment leading up to this one. The wind played gently with his hair, and the sun cast a warm glow on his face, highlighting the sincerity in his eyes.

His hand cupped your face once he got close. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”

A smile spread across your face as his words hung in the air, their warmth enveloping you like a cherished memory.

"I love you," he confessed, his eyes searching yours for a response. "More than I ever thought possible."

Tears of joy welled up in your eyes as you whispered, "I love you too, Sam."

With a relieved smile, he closed the distance between you, capturing your lips in a tender, heartfelt kiss. In that moment, everything felt perfect.

My Tag List

@idk6505 @kamisobsessed @barnes70stark @nightxcreature @quietgirll75

@nancymcl @hobby27 @hunter-or-the-hunted @deanwinchestersgirl8734

@deansimpalababy @roseblue373 @iloveeveryoneyoureamazing @PhoenixQueen

[daughterofapollo-official]

Why I don’t ship Leo Valdez with anyone.

Edit: I use speach to text, and I didn’t prof read because I had to work and I didn’t have time. So if you are reading this edit, it means there are still some grammatical mistakes. I will correct it and delete this red paragraph after work. If it’s been over 24 hours. Someone remind me in the comments cause my dumbass forgot.

In all honesty it’s because since he is my favorite character and I heavily identify with him, it’s because I want him to be happy. And I don’t think there’s an option of a healthy relationship shown in the books.

OK, first let’s go one by one on the popular ships and I’ll discuss why I don’t like any of them.

Hazel

Hazel already has an expectation for Leo, yes, he does look very similar to his grandfather, and they do have similar sense of humor, but let’s be honest guys as I debunked in a very recent post. They are not the reincarnated soul, and even if they are people change souls, change and reincarnation that’s the purpose of them they grow and they become different.

If Hazel already has an explanation that means that something Leo already has something to live up to. And that’s not fair.

You shouldn’t start relationships with high expectations. You should have what you are looking for yes like if you were looking for someone who makes you laugh and looks a certain way and makes you feel safe and those are perfectly acceptable expectations. I mean the expectation for someone to act the exact same way as someone has been dead for 14 years, and like this person you have in your mind, you have to be able to understand that no one’s going to live up to your dream and you have to be able to like except that but Hazel has a very hard time looking at Leo as anything other than and that’s really not fair for him, it’s not healthy. Hazel does not Leo she does not even like Leo romantically she purely sees him as Sammy and that’s not a healthy situation for him.

Jason

Do you know those people that look like they might make a good couple but are just better off his friends? It’s not that I don’t think that there’s a chance that Jason or Leo are not attracted to men I don’t know if they are and if they are that’s great for them honestly.

I just feel like the vibe I get from Jason and Leo is that they work so well as friends and they are so functional as friends. I have such a healthy friendship and a healthy relationship platonically that I feel like romance and sexuality would ruin that and it would complicate things, sometimes just click platonically and you should cherish and lust and romanticizing in my opinion.

I do think they have an opportunity to be a good couple, but let’s say everything was exactly the same Percy Jackson, except Piper having the fake romantic memories. It was Leo.

And then Piper and Jason eventually becoming an actual couple it was Leo

That means Leah would have to watch his boyfriend die getting impaled.

And Leo already has so much trauma with people he loves so deeply dying before him that he would spiral and he would probably make another attempt if you know what I mean

Nico

Honestly, I think that Leo and Nico could be really good together. They vibe really well as friends. They do actually canonically have a very strong friendship despite not having a lot of screen time together they have similar body types. They both come from the family of immigrants. They both deal with things through humor, although in a very different way more distraction that doesn’t have to do with the trauma and, Nico sarcastically making fun of his trauma

I honestly can see them working out very well except for the fact that like a child Apollo, I have to support will and seeing that Will and Nico are the best couple for each other

But I don’t think they’d be a good couple because I personally strongly believe that both characters have eating disorders. Nico probably has Anorexia and Leo probably has either anorexia nervosa or bulimia.

And it’s hard to know whether or not this would be good for them romantically because they there is the option that they support each other and they understand each other so they know how to help each other and how to relate to each other, but there’s also the probability that because they feel this way, they will enable each other.

Calypso

The only cannon chip in the one I hate the absolute most

Canonically Leo is a minor he cannot consent to having a physical relationship or romantic relationship with Calypso

In the Percy Jackson universe, I personally believe that because the age of consent went higher that some gods may be not Zeus, but most god started waiting for humans should at least turn 18 before having affairs

Calypso was isolated from earth and Olympus so she doesn’t really know about the whole age of consent thing. She doesn’t even know about consent in Greek mythology. She is an actual rapist.

And putting someone with severe body issues and severe abandonment issues in the arms of the canonically toxic woman it seems so scary to me

Now this rape theory is very speculative of me, although it’s pretty obvious if you know any of calypso myths and you know recognize the fact that Leo is only 15 when they meet it’s very disturbing

Although the reason why I have like actual validation and hating their relationship is that she constantly body shame him, and body checks him and put him down for his physical appearance in anyway she says he’s unattractive. She’ll never find him attractive. She doesn’t refer to him. she doesn’t acknowledge him as her boyfriend that well she yells at him constantly. It’s just like a constant verbal aggregation and abuse to someone who’s already very insecure about their body and very mentally unhealthy and the fact that this is his first relationship is very alarming because he is learning that all of this abuse is just part of being in the couple and that’s not the truth it’s part of reality. It’s really sad to me.

So that’s why I don’t ship with anyone because I don’t feel like anyone would be either available or cause a healthy relationship.

I do want Leo to find love, although I really like the idea that he breaks up with calypso while living in Indiana with his new foster family and then he’s like has a mortal girlfriend that he meets at high school.

Personally, I feel like Leo dating would be the best thing for him because it gives a very strong sense of normalcy that he never had in his life and it’s a strong escape from the tragic immortal world

Something normal and loving and healthy and safe with just a human would be the best relationship for Leo in my opinion. I think that Leo needs to find someone he can settle down with like early in life and have a few kids while he still pretty young because I think that he’s the type of person to therapies his poor childhood by raising kids and a happy childhood and a happy home. Honestly, it makes me happy.

[backseatconfessions]

Sammys's girl

a/n: Hey. It’s been a minute, huh? Almost four years, lol. Well, I thought I’d write something small again, and what better way to get back into it than with a little piece about Dean fucking Winchester? The Winchester brothers are my current drug, so you can expect more of that to come. Enjoy!

summary: Pressing his ear against the wall, Dean’s mind swirled with a whirlwind of emotions he never expected to feel. His brother Sam, the one person he’s always protected, was now with someone Dean couldn’t stop thinking about. The sounds from the next room making his chest tighten with a mix of jealousy and something far more dangerous.

warnings: Jealousy, Inappropriate thoughts about a sibling’s partner, Sexual content, Mature themes, Explicit language, Emotional conflict, Tension and discomfort

Dean Winchester had never been jealous of Sam’s love life. Why would he? There had never been a reason for it. Dean had always done his own thing, taken his life as a hunter for what it was—restless, dangerous, with no room for commitments. Relationships in this job were nothing but a ticking time bomb, so he never even considered them. One-night stands were easier. No strings, no complications. No drama, no risk, no heartbreak.

And then you came along.

The brothers had met you on a hunt. At first, you were just some stranger, a witness with too many questions. Then you became an ally. And before Dean even realized it, you were just… there. Always. What had initially seemed like an unnecessary burden—one more person to protect, one more soul to lose to this life—turned out to be a damn blessing. You weren’t helpless. Quite the opposite. You were sharp, capable, unafraid to challenge Dean. At some point, it became natural to have you sitting in the backseat.

But then something changed.

Dean knew his brother better than he knew himself. He noticed the shift in Sam’s gaze the moment it happened—how his eyes softened when they landed on you. And worse, he saw the same change in yours.

He told himself he didn’t care. That it didn’t matter. Maybe it just bugged him that you two had kept it a secret for so long. Yeah, that had to be it—the secrecy. The feeling of being left out. But then it wasn’t a secret anymore. And Dean realized that the deception hadn’t been the thing tying his stomach in knots. It was the way Sam held you. The way you leaned into him, like he was your damn home.

Dean was happy for his brother. Really. After everything they’d been through, Sam deserved happiness. But fuck if it didn’t eat him alive every time he saw Sam’s hand wrapped around yours. Every time he had to watch you kiss him like he was the best thing that had ever happened to you. It burned, but Dean said nothing. He wasn’t the kind of guy to let anyone see when something cut too deep. So he shoved the feeling down, just like he did with everything else that had the power to hurt him. He laughed louder, teased Sam harder, played the cool big brother while feeling like a goddamn idiot inside.

Because for the first time in his life, Dean Winchester wanted something he couldn’t have. Not that he’d ever admit it. Dean Winchester wasn’t jealous of his little brother. Not once. So why the hell did it feel like his stomach twisted into knots every time he caught you looking at Sam? Laughing at his jokes, even the bad ones. Reaching for his hand without even thinking. Giving him those looks—those damn looks Dean had never gotten, not from someone like you. Of course, it ended up like this. Sam was the one with the college brain, the stupidly perfect smile, the goddamn puppy eyes. Sam had always been the guy women actually wanted. Not like Dean, who was good for a night but never for more.

And maybe that was the real reason it gnawed at him. Because you weren’t just anyone. Because if things had been different—if life had played out another way—maybe, just maybe, you could’ve been his.

Dean didn’t dwell on what-ifs. That was a surefire way to lose your mind in this life. But damn if they didn’t creep in anyway. Late at night, when the motel room was too quiet, when the whiskey wasn’t enough to drown out the thoughts he didn’t want to have.

Maybe, if he wasn’t so damn good at pushing people away, he would’ve done something about the way you made his chest tighten. Maybe, if he had just fucking tried—

But it didn’t matter.

You weren’t his.

You were Sam’s.

And Dean Winchester never stole from family.

So he swallowed it down, let the bitterness settle deep in his bones, and kept moving forward like he always did. Because that’s what he was good at—taking the hits, standing back up, pretending it didn’t hurt.

But some nights, when sleep wouldn’t come, he let himself wonder.

If things had been different… would you have ever looked at him the way you looked at Sam?

And if you had—would he have let himself have you?

He couldn’t help but sink even deeper into those thoughts. If you had been his—how would your skin have felt beneath his fingertips? What soft, sweet sounds would you have made if he had touched you just right? Dean felt no shame as his hand wrapped itself around his dick. Ever since you and Sam had gotten together, you always took your own motel room. So there was no reason not to let himself indulge. A quiet groan escaped him at the thought that it was your soft hand touching him—not his own. 

He imagined your lips parting ever so slightly, just enough to let soft, breathy moans slip past them. His strokes grew quicker and he was panting hard. If he closed his eyes and focused hard enough, he could almost see your big, innocent eyes locked on him. He could almost hear the soft sounds slipping from your lips—until it hit him that he wasn’t imagining them at all. They were real and they were coming from the room next to his. 

Had you and Sam been together like that? It never crossed his mind before—probably because thinking about his brother being intimate just wasn’t something he ever did. And rightfully so. 

What Dean did next, was something he’d take to his grave. 

He pushed the thought of his brother aside and pressed his ear to the wall. Now he could hear you, clear and unmistakable. 

“Fuck, Sammy…”, you moaned. “Always making me feel so good…”

Dean visibly winced at those words, but the next thing you said made him shut his eyes.

“Please, please, please… Ruin me, Winchester.” 

There he was, standing in his motel room, his ear pressed against the wall that connected to yours, stroking himself to the sounds of you being pleasured. Dean imagined himself between your legs. He’d eat your pussy like a starved man, worship your body in every way imaginable. He’d take his time, tracing every curve of your body, his hands exploring with a slow, deliberate touch, seeking out the places that would make you gasp, make you shiver. Each soft caress would be a silent question, testing, learning, until he found the exact spot that would have you melting under his touch. He was drawn to the idea of hearing you lose yourself in the pleasure, curious to see how far he could push you, wanting to hear the highest, most breathless note you could reach.

He’d savor the moments, the way your breath hitched with every shift of his fingers, how your body would arch toward him, craving more. It was like an unspoken dance, each movement a step closer to the edge, both of you lost in the rhythm of it all.

The sounds from the other side of the wall were enough to drive him mad. Every moan, every breathy exhale of yours was a trigger, setting off a chain reaction in him he couldn’t control. And it wasn’t just the physical sound—it was the feeling behind it, the way it seemed to echo in his mind, a constant reminder of what he couldn’t have.

He came hard, coating the wall. Fuck. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this, wasn’t supposed to want this. It didn’t matter how badly his body reacted to the sound of you. Dean pulled his ear away from the wall, the heat still simmering inside him, but the reality of it crashing down like cold water. This wasn’t right. He’d gone too far—had let his mind wander where it shouldn’t have. His brother was happy, and that should’ve been enough for him. But why the hell did it feel like a betrayal of something deeper than he was willing to admit? He turned away, stumbling back toward the bed, his mind racing. This feeling—this burn—wasn’t something he could ignore forever. But for now, he’d have to. For now, he’d bury it. Just like everything else.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Sooo i've been listening to necromancin dancing for a while and i suddenly have an idea.

How would the sdv/sve bachelors and bachelorettes react to their spouse used to being a necromancer who summons the dead by dancing around, maybe they could used to be a well known necromancer known as 'Necrodancer' who went into hiding because they had a change of heart about necromancing.

It's like someone looking through someone's else school year book picture and the person in the picture looks and acts completely different from what they are now.

Necrodancer... Haven't heard that word since back in 2016 when I played Crypt of the Necrodancer (fun rhythm game, but reeeealy hard, at least for me). Also this song is awesome btw, thanks for the recommendation!

I had fun with this ask as I couldn't decide whether to write headcanons more comical or more angsty, so it came out mixed, lol. Anyway, thank you so much for the ask! ❤️

SDV/SVE bachelors/ettes react to the fact that their spouse!Farmer is a former necrodancer

SDV/SVE bachelors:

Sam:

Sammy didn't catch the meaning of Farmer's words at first and thought they're confessing to him about their past as a member of a metal-rock band called NecroDancer. Like hey, another musician in town, that's cool, something Farmer had never told him. "Sam, I used to literally summon dead people from their graves with my dancing. Don't do that anymore, but still." Oh... Wait, is that true? Can his spouse prove it? No, Sammy changed his mind, no need to prove anything! Especially, he doesn't want to force his spouse to do something they've disowned. He apologises for asking them to prove anything at all. Even after discovering the truth, Sam's attitude towards Farmer won't change much (and it's kinda cool).

Alex:

Nce try, dear, but Alex doesn't believe in all those scary tales. Maybe if Farmer would have told the athlete this on some other day, not on The Spirit's Eve, he would have believed it. So the only way to prove it is to summon the dead man with a dance, which Farmer is not going to do. Perhaps the conversation will remain unfinished and the young couple will move on. Until Alex discovers notes or something else that proves his spouse's words. "You're a necromancer?!" Farmer admitted that to you from the beginning, Alex, like, seriously? Lots of questions, doubts, but they'll get over it. Farmer doesn't do that sort of thing any more, right? Then everything is fine, he thinks.

Shane:

"Don't know about these modern dances, so it doesn't say much to me, hon." No, Shane, your spouse wasn't just dancing with other members of some youth subculture, this is an actual necro dance. Like, a "fucked up dark magic and summoning the dead" kind of dance. "...What the fuck, Farmer." He didn't mean to be rude to Farmer, those words just came out in a rush. It wouldn't take long for Shane to be stunned at the very concept of being able to summon the living dead from the ground by dancing. But a little later, he would simply accept the fact and with his spouse move on with their lives. They no longer practice necromancy, have repented, and it's time to move on.

Harvey:

What? Ha ha, that's funny, Harvey now thought Farmer had just confessed to him about... What was that about again? "Raising dead people from their graves with dance?" But that's just absurd, right? Right? Why is his spouse now silent and hiding their gaze from him? Please Farmer, tell the doctor that it's just a bad, tasteless joke. Oh, Yoba... How should Harvey react now? It would be a lie if he said that this confession from his spouse doesn't bother him. He loves Farmer, but damn it - a literal necromancy! Building a relationship on lies is not a good start. On the other hand, Harvey understands the reason why they're reluctant to tell. It's- Oh goodness, it's all so complicated!

Elliott:

"I... I don't know what to say, it's... I... I need a moment." Sorry, Farmer, but Elliott needs to go outside for a minute. The writer's head is spinning from the information he's received and he definitely needs a breath of fresh air to gather his thoughts. Who would have guessed - a dark magician who mastered the art of controlling the bodies of the dead in a mad dance.... Sounds like an idea for a horror novel, except this is reality. Naturally, there would be a few uncomfortable questions, but the writer made sure that his partner would in no way practice necromancy again. Farmer that Elliott knows and loves is a completely different person now, not the one who did black magic without remorse in the past. They've changed.

Sebastian:

"Creepy. But kinda cool and hardcore." Seriously, nothing surprising - the famous A.S.S. trio of the Stardew Valley are more or less dabbling with everything mystical and occult. Sebby, though, unlike his friends, reacts more calmly to his spouse's truth, and immediately picks up on the gravity of Farmer's words. Understandably, they are uneasy about talking about their necromancer past, and feel remorse. Because the very concept of raising the living dead by dancing around isn't so much cool as rather disturbing after all. He will listen to whatever Farmer tells him and will try to understand their situation. It's not clear if things will be the same, but they both can try.

Magnus Rasmodius:

"You- What!?" Magnus went through a whole storm of emotions in a couple of moments: confusion, shock, anger, denial, hurt, sadness, anger again. When they- why had his spouse never told him this? Necromancy is strictly forbidden! An immoral use of magic, the desecration of the bodies of the dead... Even he, who knew quite a few branches of dark magic, was not allowed to practice it and would never practice this anyway! He... shouldn't have shouted at Farmer but... Magnus needs to know the truth. And so does the Ministry. Yes, Rasmodius understands everything, but high mages need to know about their 'necrodancer' past, so there are no sudden... surprises later.

Lance:

Lance is shocked, to say the least, and very, very unhappy with this discovery. The pink-haired adventurer doesn't need to tell Farmer that any form of necromancy is forbidden everywhere, his spouse already knows that perfectly well. It's all... *Sigh* Lance realises they've changed, he realises that such things aren't talked about openly, and if someone got wind of their past, the chase/blackmail would begin. But lying to him is no better. He loves Farmer, but there needs to be a serious resolution to this matter. Notifying at least Magnus or Camilla as senior wizard/witch, they should help how to solve such a delicate problem. But no more hiding the truth, okay?

Victor:

"You mean..." Victor owns a whole collection of rare books, featuring about brave adventurers, different kinds of monsters, and even schools of dark magic. He remembers the topic about necromancy perfectly, as the very concept, goals, and description of the spells in general made his blood freeze in his veins while reading it. "I dance, and the dead rise from their graves." Ah, phew, so Victor's spouse a "necrodancer". Well, it's not as bad as those who kill people and then resurrect them. Victor is still confused and worried, because... what if the Ministry starts chasing them if they find out the truth? What will happen to his spouse then?

SDV/SVE bachelorettes:

Abigail:

"That's metal as fuck!" Well, that's... not exactly the reaction Farmer expected from his wife Abigail after telling her truth. Though on the other hand, the purple-haired young woman is crazy about all sorts of occult stuff and magic, so necromancy is also something automatically cool to her, so there's nothing to be particularly surprised about. If her spouse starts dancing in a special way, the dead will start following them, right? Coooool! Oh... she noticed Farmer's sadness and immediately stopped. Abby naturally won't tell anyone or mention in conversation with her spouse if it upsets them. Still, inside her the voice will be screaming, because, holy shit, a necrodancer... is so cool!

Penny:

On Penny's face Farmer read the sheer terror, disgust and fear of them when they revealed the truth of their past to her. Considering that the young teacher already believed in magic (their farm was covered with obelisks and her spouse used a magic sceptre almost daily), she believed their words that they used to be a necrodancer right away, without any proof. It's all in the past, yes, but there's no way Penny can get it all out of her head. To the point where their entire marriage may be in question. Desecrating the bodies of the dead for your own purposes... Even after refusing to use magic again and repenting... Penny doesn't know what to do next.

Haley:

Farmer decided that confessing their past sins to Haley wasn't a good idea, since their dearest wife still wouldn't stop screaming, running across the room and throwing magazines at them. "It's not like I was killing people for my necrodancing! I was just raising them up from their graves with my dancing..." As if that makes a complete difference! Haley will calm down after all, but will still be very angry and... afraid of them. Which will make Farmer's heart crack, but they know they deserve it. Doing damn thing with corpses and lying to Haley all this time. Whether they will be able to live their lives the way they used to is unclear to either of them.

Maru:

Maru was shocked and horrified, though the picture after her spouse's words was quite different in her mind. After all, she believes in science, not magic (even living in the Valley with a literal wizard nearby, yes) and doesn't believe in the existence of "necromancy", regardless of what forms. So for the young inventor, saying "I was a necrodancer earlier" = "I dug up corpses and danced around them, believing I was doing dark magic". Farmer can, of course, prove to their wife that they do indeed possess such magic, but honestly, it doesn't get any better - there's corpse desecration involved here and there. Maru and Farmer need to have a serious talk about, well, everything, before making decisions.

Emily:

"Oh, some special dance that 'even the dead will dance'? Darling, you should definitely teach me, we can perform together at the Luau in a week!" Merciful Yoba... Emily, bless your heart... Farmer doesn't know whether to explain to Emily that this isn't what they meant, or to leave his wife in the dark, lest she be disappointed by the mistakes of her chosen partner. If Farmer chooses the truth, Emily will remain silent for about ten minutes, after which she will talk to her spouse about their past as necrodancer. The blue-haired young woman will forgive Farmer for not telling her the truth, and they will move on together. She believes they are truly repentant.

Leah:

"Farmer, what the heck do you mean you were a necrodancer?" Leah is angry, and to be honest, has every right to be - Farmer would be angry too, if their partner had only now claimed to have done this sort of thing in the past. But the artist would just as quickly calm down, and wait for the story to continue. If the revelations have already begun, she wants Farmer to tell her everything. Leah can understand them: even after their refusal to practice necromancy and remorse, there remains a fear of persecution and paranoia. But they had to tell her everything in the beginning of their relationship, no matter how difficult it was to talk about.

Claire:

Huh, Claire thought she was sleep-deprived and tired and couldn't perceive the real world, because the cashier heard her beloved spouse just confess to necromancy in the past. How strange. Well, Farmer was right earlier, she definitely should take a vacation, they could relax for a couple of weeks on Ginger Island, and- "Claire, you heard it right. It's true... I'm sorry." "......." Yup, holiday plans are cancelled. Is that... even possible? A special dance that makes an army of the walking dead follow Farmer around? It's a pretty creepy picture, and the cashier can't understand why Farmer was even involved in such a shady thing. She's scared and anxious, what should she do next? Who should she even ask for advice from?

Olivia:

Surprisingly, Olivia believes in magic (having communicated with Magnus earlier, but that another story...), so she doesn't doubt her spouse's words, whereas the other person in her place thought Farmer was crazy. She doesn't understand... Was Farmer forced to do such immoral actions to corpses, or was it of their own free will? What purpose did they have as a necrodancer? And why- What, inconvenient questions? Well, her spouse will have to answer, because the future of their marriage depends on their answers! They've already lied for a long time ("Didn't lie, just didn't say anything..." "Don't interrupt, Farmer."), it's time to tell the whole truth, and then... then they'll decide what to do next.

Sophia:

"Wait a minute, you're NecroDancer555! So you're the famous cosplayer who hides their face behind incredible video game/anime costumes and comes to Comicon?!" Um, no... Especially since Farmer and Sophia were together at the last comicon where that cosplayer was. "Awww... Wait, hold on-" Yeeeeeeep! Poor Sophia would squeal from the realisation of who her spouse really was, so much so that all the glass in the house would crack from the high notes. Well, at least she didn't pass out, that's good. But the thought of walking corpses and that Farmer had previously controlled them with their dance made the pink-haired girl very much afraid of her spouse.

Scarlett:

"Wow, so you really are-" No, Scarlett, Farmer is not the famous cosplayer NecroDancer555 who hides their identity behind masks and costumes on comicons. ".... Firstly, it wasn't necessary to be rude to me, Farmer, and secondly, again - what the actual heck." This... it's all a little too much for her. Well, not a little - too much for Scarlett to handle. Her spouse desecrated the corpses of the dead with some obscure magic, and now they've realised their mistakes, are genuinely remorseful, and are now just trying to live normally with her. Whether she forgives them or not - depends on the details that Farmer is about to tell her.

[boykingscourt]

What are your thoughts on Wincest? Do you have any hcs?

oooh I'm excited for this! good opportunity for me to clarify some things if anyone is new around here or just curious

if you're here for the short version, I'm definitely a wincest respecter but not necessarily a wincest shipper

if you're here for the long and more nuanced version, please read on!

I have a lot friends both here and irl who are wincesties, but the most important thing for me is that they love and defend sam. I've read wincest fics and the presence of wincest is not a deal-breaker in fics, but I prefer reading gen sam and dean on the whole. it's fun to analyze something in the show with the wincest lens on, but I can just as easily take it off. ultimately wincest is not the only version of sam and dean that I find compelling, but I don't really care if people view some of my posts as wincest (wincesties, please do interact) because I only say what I think and feel regarding the brothers. idk does that technically make me a wincest shipper? maybe some people will think it does, but ultimately I feel like the nonshipper label fits better

now I'm gonna get on my soapbox about proshipping for a moment. back in the day, what we think of as "proshipping" was just called common courtesy. I'm not saying fandom was perfect when I was younger (and I was probably too young to be in fandom then if I'm being honest) but in my experience people were more respectful about ships they didn't like, understood the difference between fiction and reality, and for the most part didn't make assumptions about people irl for things they enjoyed in fiction

of course I'm not saying you have to ship incest or want to interact with people who do, but it's crucial to curate your own space. coming on here or twitter and harassing people for shipping wincest and/or crying in the main tags about how disgusting it is just makes me lose respect for you. block what you don't want to see and move on

I will also say that being so against others shipping incest and finding yourself in the supernatural fandom is kind of a problem you created. it's kind of, well, extremely silly. wincest is the oldest ship in this fandom, like literally as old as the pilot itself, and was instrumental in first getting the show off the ground (i.e. not cancelled). also given the very not normal relationship between sam and dean, the other gothic horror elements present in the show, and the way the writers and actors regard the ship, it really should be no surprise that it is so popular

okay so now that I've gotten all of that out of the way, I'm going to address the other part of this ask, which is wincest headcanons! I don't know if these are necessarily headcanons, but it is the way I prefer my wincest when I think about it or imagine how it fits in with canon:

I definitely don't imagine them as like boyfriends, just more of what they are in the show, brothers with a complicated, intense, and abusive relationship (it being complicated does not mean you cannot call abuse what it is). I think their relationship having a sexual component would not help anything and would probably just further highlight the power imbalance present

related to above, I think dean would use sex the way he uses love and affection in canon, expertly alternating between being generous with it and withdrawing it when he's angry as means to manipulate sam and have him constantly chasing after the affection. and trust. trust especially. sometimes dean isn't even aware he's doing it (or would at least tell himself that's not what he's doing to his darling little sammy), but it's extremely effective either way. seasons 4, 5, and 8 especially would be delicious in this regard

in s7 there was a point where sex was one of the only things that kept hallucifer at bay, so sam was always torn between shaking dean awake multiple times a night in their motel rooms or handling it on his own. ultimately because I think he didn't want to "burden" dean with his visions or have them both lacking sleep all the time, he would lie and pretend that one or two times a night made lucifer go away. it became harder to pretend as we approached 7x17, and after sam "let lucifer in" in 7x15, the sex trick stopped working too. also hallucifer eavesdropping or appearing over dean's shoulder as they're having sex is very appealing to me

dean is the dom. I really can't see that any other way

dean doesn't see what he does with sam as any reflection of his sexuality, aka "it's not gay and it's not incest it's just sammy." sam probably would see it as some kind of reflection of his sexuality but wouldn't see the point in voicing that

dean was experiencing attraction to sam for a while beforehand, but I don't think they began messing around until sam was a teenager. maybe it wasn't like full blown sex then, but it was definitely something. I think a bit of precedent just adds something fun to s1, especially with dean coming to get sam in the pilot and how they interact, all that time apart, and sam's grief and guilt/dean's guilt surrounding jessica

I hope you enjoyed and found something compelling in here! I am certainly no wincest connoisseur, but these are my opinions

[starseneyes]

Part II - Destiel Meta - Dean Winchester / Castiel - Supernatural

You came back!? I am so glad I didn’t scare you off, because Part I was long.

I mean, not as long as the Garashir Meta, but still hella long.

If you’re ready for Part II, I’m so excited to share it with ya!!

WARNING: I’m one fan and these are just my thoughts and opinions. We all have our own! I don’t think mine are any more valid than anyone else’s. They’re just mine.

SPOILERS: Everything is fair game. You are forewarned!

Are we ready? Yeah, I think we’re ready. Let’s dive in to Seasons 6-8!

S6E03 -

“Come on, Cas. Don’t be a dick. Got ourselves a plague-like situation down here. Do you copy?” “Like I said, son of a bitch doesn’t answer… he’s right behind me, isn’t he?” “Hello.” “Hello?” “Yes.” “I spent all that time trying to get through to you. Dean calls once and it’s ’hello’.” “Yes., So, what, you like him better or something?” “Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn’t going to mention it.”

This whole thing is insane. Now, Cas will shortly correct them that he didn’t come down just because Dean asked—the timing had to do with the Staff of Moses.

But, the rest is true. Yes, Dean has a bond with Cas. And it goes both ways.

Kinda like Dean, am I right?

Okay, sorry. That one was just begging to be written. I’ll get back to the Meta.

“Just because we have some sort of a bond or whatever.”

One thing about Dean is no matter what people say about him and Cas, he never denies it. Have you noticed that? Whether one or the other is a “pet” or someone says Cas is in love with him, or they acknowledge Cas likes him… he never corrects them.

And here he goes so far as to confirm it. He literally says “just because we have some sort of bond”, here. He acknowledges that they do have a bond—something that is just between Cas and Dean.

And people had the nerve to tell y’all you were crazy. I am so sorry.

“You think I came because you called? I came because of this.” “Well, it’s nice to know what matters.”

I’m sorry, Dean, are you insulted your bond isn’t enough to drag Cas down from Heaven?! Like, there’s a note of disappointment in that tone. Wow!

“Sam, Dean. My people skills are rusty. Pardon me, but I have spent the last year as a multidimensional wave of celestial intent. But, believe me, you do not want that weapon down here. Help me find it. Or more people will die.” “Alright. Okay.”

I like Cas’ little nod after Dean gets moving. He’s pleased. He’s thankful. He’s relieved. He got through to his human situationship. Win for the bond!

“There’s gotta be another way.” “There is no other way.” “You’re gonna torture a kid.” “I can’t care about that, Dean. I don’t have the luxury.”

And everything in my head is screaming “I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you”.

We aren’t there, yet, obviously. But the groundwork is laid for just how far Castiel will grow because of Dean.

I don’t know who’s on first, what’s on second.” “What is second?” “Don’t start that.”

Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, right? These two don’t even speak the same language, yet, and somehow they’re already arguing like a married couple with poor Sammy in the middle.

“Why didn’t you tell us this? “I was ashamed. I expected more from my brothers. I’m sorry. Now, I need your blood.” “Woah, hey!”

I love how Dean protests, but still lets Cas have his blood. He still trusts Cas, even if he would have appreciated a heads-up first.

“I know. I’ve been hearing all about you, and as far as I’m concerned, you and me, Cas, nothing’s changed. We’re brothers. … You did more than rebel. You tore up the whole script and burned the pages for all of us.”

Brothers are complicated. I have two. They sometimes fought and sometimes conspired to hide rear end collisions from our parents (one hit the other from behind at a stop light… it was fine).

I’m the eldest in my family, with a half brother I was raised with, and a step-brother and step-sister who joined our family when I was 16. But my brothers are both my brothers.

And there are all sorts of brothers out there. The Winchesters are one kind. The Angels are another. And I’d pick the Winchesters any day if I had to pick the best brothers on this show, complicated and fucked up as they may be.

“Why won’t any of you listen?” “They don’t listen Castiel because their hearts are mine.”

And here we see that concept of Angel loyalty versus romantic love. But, Cas’ “loyalties” and “sympathies” are shifting deeper—and everyone can see it.

"Castiel, I stood for you in heaven. Are you going to let-“ “I believe the hairless ape has the floor.”

Cas looks meaningfully to Dean, to see him looking back. When Dean shifts to Balthazar, the Angel in the fire makes a quick assessment and chuckles to himself. Damnit, he clocked them. He cloked them fast.

And he realizes that it’s not gonna end well for him, because even if he and Castiel are brothers, Cas and Dean are something more. Yeah, he’s fucked. So, he does as the hairless ape says.

S6E06 -

“Did you call Cas?” “Of course I called Cas. He’s not answering. Screw him. I can’t wait anymore.”

We know that Cas is dealing with a literal war up there. He’s a bit pressed for time. And, honestly this is one of those arcs where I get super annoyed with the Winchester boys.

Like, Castiel has an Army to command to keep Armageddon from restarting and y’all have the audacity to criticize his response time!?

Cas is an imperfect character (because perfect characters are boring and don’t make any choices that are interesting to watch), but no wonder he fucking goes to the Dark Side with friends like y’all.

And, yes, Cas screwed the pooch at that Cross Roads. He really really did. But the Winchesters ain’t peaches this year, either, as far as their treatment of their emotional support Angel.

“Castiel. Hello? Possible loose nuke down here, angelic weapon. Kinda your department. You hear that Cas?”

Dean turns around and the camera swoops to show Cas.

“Hello Dean.” “Are you kidding me? I have been on red alert about Sam, and you come for some stupid horn?” “You asked me to be here and I came.” “I’ve been asking you to be here for days, you dick!”

Castiel is surprised by the attitude, but he doesn’t understand just how huge it is for Dean to reach out for help, to pray to Cas, to believe in and trust him.

It’s a big shift in their relationship from Dean’s side because he wants Cas to be on his speed dial.

Yes, we still used Speed Dial back then. We also had a Top 8 on MySpace. It was a simpler time.

“I didn’t come about Sam because I have nothing to offer about Sam.” “Well, that’s great, because for all we know, he’s just gift wrap for Lucifer.” “No he’s… he’s not Lucifer.” “And how do you know that?” “If Lucifer escaped the cage, we’d feel it.”

This whole thing is kinda insane. Cas feels Dean’s anger, he doesn’t just see it.

And since he doesn’t have answers, he picks up the bottle and carries out a bloody act of service to show he cares. He is doing something for Dean because he can’t do what he wishes—give Dean answers about Sam.

My husband will do this, sometimes. If he knows I’m super stressed about work and struggling through the week, he’ll pick me up a latte or offer to drive the kids to an extracurricular. These little acts of service are his ways of helping me when he can’t help with the real issue.

Did I marry Castiel? Maybe… But I am definitely more like Dean, so I guess that makes sense.

“What is wrong with him?” “I don’t know Dean. I’m sorry.” “What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.” “I’m at War.”

It’s already begun… Cas pulling away because he’s doing what he thinks needs to be done. He should have consulted someone, should have talked to his friends.

But we have to remember that Castiel is still an Angel trying to do this without human help.

Doesn’t make it right, let’s be clear. He’s still making the wrong choice. But we understand why he makes this choice just as much as we understand why Dean is lashing out at Cas. He’s lashing out at anyone who he perceives as not taking this Sammy thing as seriously as he is.

Doesn’t make it right. But at least we understand where the character is coming from.

“Well, nice seeing you anyway.” {Dean turns away}. “Dean.” “What?” “About your brother. I, I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but I do want to help. I’ll make inquiries.”

Cas wants to help. He wants to do things for Dean, still. But he’s hiding a big fucking secret, and that type of thing inevitably leads to distance. Just as Dean is reaching out, Cas is pulling back. It’s heartbreaking, truth be told.

S6E07 -

Cas works to diagnose Sam, and once the “no sleeping" thing comes up, alarm bells go off in Castiel’s head. Cas looks to Dean and begins removing his belt. Dean notices, but doesn’t seem as concerned as Sam does. I don’t know why, but that detail always makes me smile.

Dean’s like, “Well, okay, Cas, if you need to remove your belt, why not” whereas Sam is wondering what the hell Cas is going to do with the belt.

“Well, recap it for our wingman.” “You’re scrawnier than I imagined.” “This is a vessel. My true form is roughly the size of your Chrysler building..” “All right, alright, quit bragging.”

I’m sorry, is Dean commenting on the size of… ahem Cas? Because, He’s an Angel.

Like, crazy amount of wings and eyes and not a penis to be found. But, it’s another example of Dean’s joking about sex to cut through the tension in a room.

“I’m in the middle of a civil war.” “Well, you better tear the attic up. Find something to help Sam.” “Of course. Your problems always come first. I’ll be in touch.”

Like, seriously, Dean. What the fuck!? He is literally fighting a War and you’re like, “but my baby brother!”

And, yes, Cas is also doing stupid, horrible things in the name of this war, but Dean shows so little concern for it that why the fuck would Cas trust him with his batshit plan now!?

These boys just cannot communicate.

S6E10 -

“I’m mid-battle, Sam.” “I could give a rat’s ass about your little pissing match with Raphael. … If you don’t help us now, I will hunt you down and kill you.” “Will you, boy? How? … You need help, Sam.” “I need your help.”

This is part of my “you boys are treating your friend like shit and it’s no wonder he made the worst possible choice when you’re treating him like your own personal rent-an-Angel that you never intend to full pay off” rage fest.

“You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes. and you don’t talk about it. Turn it off.” … “This is what you boys do? Sit around and watch pornos with Angels?” “We’re not supposed to talk about it.”

Cas is exploring the idea of sexuality. Yes, one time Dean tried to get him laid. And we know Cas of the Endverse timeline enjoyed his orgies.

But this is the first time our Cas is exploring the idea of sex and sexuality, and he’s absolutely… surprised by it and his own reaction. Now, was he reacting to the scenario of guy on girl action? Or more the idea of sexuality in general? Hard to know.

From what we’ve seen in the show, he’s not against exploring sexuality with women, and I’m writing this whole bloody meta because of course he’d be up for exploring it with Dean.

But sex isn’t what drives Castiel. He feels far more asexually coded to me. But, again, I could be reading too much into it because of my own life experience.

Cas finds love with Dean. And, for him, that doesn’t need sex. But we’re a long way from that point, when he’s still trying to understand humanity and what it is to be human while still being an angel in a human vessel.

Also, Jimmy, I’m so glad you were already in Heaven at this point. If you were fully aware of what the Angel were doing, I can only wonder if you’d think, “I gave up my life for this!? So the angel can get a boner using my dick!?” Jimmy, my man, I am so sorry.

“You know, Cas, you could help:. … “I’m not sure retrieving Sam’s soul is wise.” “Wait, what? Why?” {Dean crosses closer to Cas} “I want him to survive.” “What are you talking about?”

We switch to a wide shot, finally seeing their positioning and… Hold the phone… Cas is sitting on a bed again? Is this just Misha Collins giving the middle finger to whoever didn’t want him sitting on beds!?

I seriously paused and giggled the first time I saw this.

“Sam’s soul has been locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for more than a year and they have nothing to do but take their frustrations out on him. Do you understand? If we try to force that mutilated thing down Sam’s gullet, we have no idea what will happen. It could be catastrophic.” “You mean he dies?” “I mean he doesn’t. Paralysis, insanity, psychic pain so profound that he’s locked inside himself for the rest of his life.” “But you’re saying you don’t know anything for sure. I mean, he could be fine.” “He could be, yes.” “Okay then-“

Cas is trying to protect Dean and Dean is trying to believe in the impossible. Because this is Sam, his baby brother. He’d do anything for Sam.

And Cas is trying to protect Dean from the possible heartbreak of destroying his own brother by trying to fix him.

“But I sincerely doubt it., well if he’s not fine, then you fix him., Dean, I wouldn’t know where to begin.” “Then you figure it out, Cas. Come one. {Dean steps closer} I mean, the guy’s a friggin replicant. He needs his soul.”

Something stops Dean… something he sees in Cas’s face. He backs off the intensity, but doesn’t move out of Cas’ personal space. I mean, for a guy who tried to tell Cas off about it, he invades Cas’ space more than the other way around!

“Look, we get it back, and if there are complications, then we will figure out a way to deal with those, too.” “Of course. {Dean walks away} Or we fail, and Sam suffers horrifically.”

Gosh, this is these two in a nutshell at this point. Dean is all “we’ll figure it out” and Cas is so damn afraid.

“What was that?” “I learned that from the pizza man."

Okay, first off, Misha Collins can kiss. This Ace girl is sitting here going, “Wow, not bad!”

Second, Dean’s reactions during this whole thing are amazing. I just kept rewinding (yes, I still use that term… I’m old) and rewatching Dean processing the whole thing.

Dean starts with, “uh, Cas…” as he points between the door with the hellhounds and the kissing couple. Then, he sort of stops to just observe. Like, “Okay, this is a thing that’s happening now”.

When Cas pulls away and Meg speaks, Cas looks to Dean before he looks back to Meg and responds. And it takes a second for Dean to process that.

Like, he knew Cas was a virgin, but to realize this was his first kiss and he was that good!? Wow, Angel’s knocking it out of the park on the first time up to bat!

“I can’t see jack.”

That’s because he’s not here, yet, Dean. Give it time. You’ll see him soon enough.

“Castiel. Haven’t seen you all season. You the cavalry now?”

Rachel, you wrote this down because you thought it was funny and self-referential, but you missed the bigger picture. See, Crowley’s exaggerating to protect his little business deal. And I totally missed it the first time around.

“Well, she’s smart, I’ll give her that. I was gonna kill her, too. Of course, I’d have given you an hour with her first.” “Why would I want that?”

Oh, my sweet summer child.

“Thanks, Cas. If it hadn’t have been for you -“ “Crowley was right. It’s not going well for me upstairs.” “If there’s anything we can do-”

Ugh. Now you offer to help? After berating him for weeks about being too busy for your bullshit while he’s fighting a literal war!? Too little too late, Dean. Too little too late.

“There isn’t. I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time, I’d rather be here.” “Cas, we know you’ve got a steaming pile on your plate. There’s no need for apologies. We’re your friends.”

I think this is the first time Dean has told Cas they’re friends… that he has shown such gratitude for him… that he offered to help Cas however he needed, if he could.

And, oh, how I wish Dean had said something earlier.

No, I’m not pinning Cas’ shitty decisions on Dean. That’s completely unfair. But I wish Castiel realized just how much he means to Dean before he threw everything away on a deal with a demon.

S6E12 -

“His soul is in place.” “Is he ever gonna wake up?” “I’m not a human doctor, Dean.” “Could you take a guess.” “Okay. Probably not.” “Oh well don’t sugarcoat it.” “I’m sorry, Dean, but I warned you not to put that thing back inside him.” “What was I supposed to do? Let T-1000 walk around and hope he doesn’t open fire?”

Cas approaches Dean, invading his personal space. And I’m reminded of another show where one character invaded the other’s space attempting to assert dominance and instead created heat. These two have it, even when at odds.

“Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it. Like it had been skinned alive, Dean. If you wanted to kill your brother, you should have done it outright.”

Ouch.

“I am so sorry.” Did Bobby-“ “Cas., Cas. Friggin child.” “You should have told me, Dean.” “You weren’t supposed to know.” “What I did? To Bobby? To you? Of course I should know.”

Dean is trying to protect Sam, I get it, but he didn’t tell Cas. So, that’s not about Cas being a child. That’s your being a shit communicator, Dean. Own up to your fuckery, man, and stop deflecting to Cas when shit goes sideways.

Trust me, you’ll have a real reason to be pissed at him soon enough and you should save your rage for then.

S6E15 -

“Maybe here there’s no supernatural, no magic.” “No demons, no hell, no heaven. No God?” “Something like. Even better… no angels”

There’s something interesting to Dean’s reaction there. I mean, yeah, most angels are dicks. But he does have an Angel for a friend.

“Cas, what the hell?” “Wait, you were in on this. Using us as a diversion.” “It was Balthazar’s plan. I would have done the same thing.” “That’s not comforting, Cas.” “When will I be able to make you understand, if I lose against Raphael, we all lose everything.” “Yeah, Cas, we know the stakes. That’s about all you’ve told us.” “I’m sorry about all this. I’ll explain when I can.”

Cas says all of that last bit to Dean. And you can hear the mounting desperation in his voice. He isn’t telling them everything because he’s trying to protect them. He’s trying to keep them out of it—but that is only making it worse.

Castiel, this is only going to end badly. So badly the next season you’re gonna lose your contract and get thrown back into Pilot Season. Er… your vessel will be, anyway.

Gosh, that bit is wild. I mean, to go from a Series Regular to Guest starring for two episodes only to kill your character off in the first five minutes of episode 2 and think, “Welp, that was fun!”

Because, let’s be clear, this type of stuff happens in TV land all the time, and it often has nothing to do with who likes who or anything personal. Writers Rooms sometimes make a choice where a character’s got to go, where it no longer fits the vision.

It happened recently on Sweet Magnolias where the Writers Room realized the inciting incident they needed was to kill off a main character in between seasons and off-camera. The guy was beloved by the team, but it was what the story needed.

If you look at the construction of Season 7, I can see how Castiel just didn’t quite fit where it was headed and what they were doing. So, no, there’s nothing Cas (or Misha Collins, for that matter) could have possibly done in reality to change that. It’s just the business.

But I can be catty with Cas for a bit for his utter ridiculousness this season.

S6E17 -

“Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you.”

Of course Balthazar’s going to be the first one to use “love” instead of “like”. He has no qualms about decorum and he’s going to call it like he sees it.

And Dean. Doesn’t. Correct. Him. He barely reacts to this news, because somewhere deep down I think he already knows.

I mean, if the smashing him up against the wall last season while shouting about everything he did for Dean wasn’t enough to clue Dean in on something, then he’s denser than I thought.

Dean has more layers than he lets on, maybe more than he realizes.

“You need new friends, Cas.” “I’m trying to save the ones I have, Dean.”

There’s something so soft in Dean’s response to this. Is this the first time Cas referred to them as friends in front of them? I can’t remember another time, but it strikes Dean especially.

“If you don’t go back and sink that boat, I’m gonna kill your two favorite pets.”

In one episode two celestial beings have called out Cas’ attachment to the Winchesters… oops. Word’s spreading!.

“I won’t let you.” “Oh yeah, what are you gonna do?” “Do you really wanna test me?” “Okay, fine. … Kill me, and Sam and Dean are target one. For simple vengeance. You’re not fighting a war or something, right? You can watch them every millisecond of every day. Because maybe you’ve heard, fate strikes when you least expect it. … Set things right before I flick your precious boys off a cliff just on principle.”

The truth is that Cas’ attention has been divided for far too long, and he knows Fate is right. He can’t be in all places at all times.

“Well, I insisted he go back in time and correct what he had done.” “What? Why?” “It was the only way to be sure you were safe.” “So, you killed 50,000 people for us.” “No, they were never born. That’s far different from being killed, wouldn’t you say?”

This sounds a helluva lot like Dean talking to his mom about him and Sam not being born, and how that might fix things.

“You’re the ones who taught me that you can make your own destiny. You don’t have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom.”

Oh, honey, it will be so, so long before you are totally free… before you feel ready to uncage yourself… so, this hurts a bit to hear knowing how far you have to go.

Also, he’s trying to talk to them, to reach them, to gain their absolution for what he’s about to do without having the guts to tell them.

He’s so damn afraid this season, and he lets that fear rule him and drive him to his worst self.

“I still believe that that’s something work fighting for. I just wanted you to understand that.”

He wants to tell them the truth so bad. If you go back and watch this after watching through, it’s so clear how much he wants them to know, to understand, to support his unreasonable and irresponsible plan.

“Titanic didn’t suck that bad. Winslet’s rack? {Cas leaves} I’ll tell you one thing about Cas, he does not appreciate the finer things.”

Oh, he does… but he defines it a little differently, love. Don’t worry. You’ll get there.

And I know this isn’t the point, but knowing how awfully Winslet was treated about her beautiful body during this film it made me shudder a little, that line above.

Perhaps it’s being a woman and knowing the impossible beauty standards to which we are held, and the process of reducing us to pieces of ourselves instead of whole humans for the sake of the patriarchy that makes that line hurt.

It’s not the point, I know, but I feel like I’d be remiss if I didn’t address it. Whoever you are, whatever gender or not, I hope you know you are beautiful just the way you are, and you don’t have to live up to anyone’s beauty standards.

S6E18 -

“Castiel {Dean actually stands and bows his head, this time}, the, uh, fate of the world is in the balance. So, come on down here. {Dean peeks for Cas} Come on, Cas. I dream of Jeanie your ass down here, pronto. Please.”

Castiel sends Rachel. And why the hell does the one person to have my name on this show have to be a total bitch?

Now, she isn’t wrong in what she says to Dean and Sam. Sam says they are Castiel’s friends, and yet their prioritize their shit over his every time without consideration for the utter hell he’s enduring. But, yeah, she’s also kind of a bitch.

“I’m sure your issue is very important, but Castiel is currently commanding an army, so-" … “I don’t know who you think you are. “I’m his friend.” “And you think we aren’t?” I think you call him when you need something. We’re fighting a war.” “We get that.” “Clearly you don’t or you wouldn’t call him every time you stub your toe you petty, entitled, little piece of-“

Cas’ divided loyalties are starting to be an issue. Combine that with him making a deal with a demon, and he’s gone a bit off the rails by Angel standards. He asks the boys what they need, and he’s willing to help, always willing to help.

And while we know part of it is his “profound bond” with Dean and attachment to the Winchesters, I think there’s also a touch of guilt.

We later see that he is so conflicted about this plan of his, so much so that he cries out to God for guidance.

But can he atone enough to balance his guilt? Can he do enough for Dean and Sam to prove to him that he’s still the same Angel? Can he prove he’s still their friend while betraying them? Lying to them? Going behind their back to work with the enemy?

S6E19 -

“Why’s it always gotta be me that makes the call, huh? It’s not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude’s busy. Cas, get out of my ass!” “I was never in your-“

Who do I blame for my therapy bills this time!? Clearly, the scene was written in a suggestive manner, but the way it’s played makes it even more unbelievable.

Somewhere mid-sentence Cas—who is stating plain fact—start to register what he’s saying and wonder exactly what the denotation is, here.

And as he puts those pieces together, Dean wonders where the Angel’s mind is going exactly because he knows Cas is now aware of porn and sex.

And then Dean’s eyes widen just a touch before Cas looks away, drops it entirely, and changes the subject.

Was this on the page!? Was this all the actors? Did the director give them any suggestions?! Because, just reading the words is crazy enough, but the way they played it is everything.

“That’s great, because without your power, you’re basically a baby in a trench coat.”

And we’re back to Dean infantilizing Cas and touching on one of Cas’ deepest insecurities—that if he’s useless to Dean, he’s worthless to Dean.

“We need your help here.” “Hold your water. We’ll be back in a few.” “Dean, Dean.”

There’s something so insistent about how this second “Dean” is delivered… like Cas is appealing to Dean in a way we haven’t heard before. That second Dean is pleading. He can’t believe that Dean is going to walk away from this, that he isn’t listening to Cas.

And neither knows it, but this is just chip, chip, chipping away at Cas’ trust in Dean. It’s chipping away at his belief that Dean might know better than he in some situations cough Godstiel cough because Dean is the one not listening with this one.

These two are so stubborn. So similar! (Yes, it’s a Pride & Prejudice reference. And now I’ve distracted myself trying to determine who is Mr. Darcy and who is Lizzie… think I’m settling on Cas as Darcy and Dean as Elizabeth, but feel freee to argue it out in the comments).

“Millions of lives are at stake here, not just two.”

Dean heads out and the Family Theme plays as Dean and Cas watch each other, both frustrated.

Is this the first time the Family Theme has played between them? I know it’s certainly not the last, but I find the placement here fascinating.

They’re going in opposite directions. They’re seeing different things. And yet they’re still family. What an interesting time to remind us of that… right before it all unravels.

“Work for me. It’s a good deal. Bonus, I won’t kill your friends.”

Friends making an appearance from another being, here. No secrets, Castiel. Your attachment to the Winchesters and theirs to you is well-known by now.

“It’s not like Cas to make mistakes like that. Unless.” “Unless?” “Unless he meant to.” “Bobby, this is Cas we’re talking about. Do you believe this?”

In a few seasons, when Dean wants to stab Cas in the neck, it’ll be Sam saying, “Because it’s Cas”.

But right now, Dean Winchester, who has so very few people to trust, trusts Castiel to an extreme level. Maybe that’s why the Family Theme made an appearance—because Dean’s already there with Cas.

And Cas doesn’t even realize it. He doesn’t even know what he’s squandering. He doesn’t know the full depths of his fuck up until it is way too late.

S6E20 -

“Hello, Dean. Are you alright?” “Yeah, I’m fine. How about you?” … “I just don’t understand how Crowley could’ve tricked me.” “Well, he’s a tricky son of a bitch, that’s how.”

Dean wants to believe in Cas so badly… he wants to have faith in him so badly.

At his core, he knows something is wrong, something is off. But it’s Cas who has literally died twice for him, for Dean. That means something to him.

“I’d come if I could.” “Yeah, no, I get it. No worries. But, Cas, you’ll call, right? If you get into real trouble?”

Dean is hoping… hoping that Cas knows he can count on them. But Rachel wasn’t wrong… they just call him when they need something in Season 6. They have in no way shown him that they are there for him, too… not really.

There will be conversations down the line where Dean just checks in with Cas because he can see the Angel needs to talk. There will be points where they confide in one another, where they trust one another to the point that their honesty burns. But we’re not there, yet.

We’re not even to the middle of this story.

I remember when Christian Kane was working on The Librarians and commented about his character, Jake, not knowing how to fight when Kane was well-practiced in it.

His last long-running character, Eliot on Leverage fought from the beginning. But with Jake, they needed to start him off with no training so his character had somewhere to go, something to learn, a direction to grow.

Cas and Dean can’t get it right every time. They can’t always know what to say. They can’t always know what to do. That’s unrealistic, and while I know that’s a silly thing to say about a show based on monsters, demons, and ghosts—we don’t watch the show for the ghoulies. We watch for the characters.

We care about Dean and Sam and Castiel. We watch because we want to see their journeys and we are invested in their stories.

Static characters are rarely interesting. Rounded characters make mistake, make wrong choices, make messes that are impossible to remedy. And as long as they grow through it, we can stick with them. Because it’s about the relationships we, the audience, forge with these fictional characters.

And, yes, this sounds mental, but fandom is an essential part of the fate of a long-running series like this one. That’s why there are still conventions, why Collins and Ackles and Padalecki are still making appearances all these years later on behalf of the characters they were graced with playing.

We connect with these characters and we care about them. And if they were not relatable, it wouldn’t work. It just wouldn’t work. The whole show would fall apart.

So, these characters make bad calls, and wrong choices, and shit decisions. And that’s all part of the ride.

So, yes, while I wanna shake Cas a little to get him out of this ideology to which he’s clinging, I also want to remind Dean that relationships go both way, and he’s not been the greatest friend, either.

But, Cas, seriously, what the fuck!?

“The point is, you’re distracted, and that makes me nervous.” “I am holding up my end.” “Ah, yes. But is that all you’re holding, huh? See? The stench of that Impala’s all over your overcoat, Angel. I thought we’d agreed, no more nights out with the boys.”

I’m sorry. Did you just make the allusion to Cas giving Dean a handjob in the car?! Like, Balthazar is talking about Cas being in love with Dean and now Crowley’s insinuating things of a sexual nature. Yeah, Cas, your secret is out honey, even if you aren’t.

“I have it on good authority that your two little pets are currently trying to hunt me down. Forgive me, but I think you might have a little conflict of interest here.”

Crowley is keeping it broad to both Winchesters. So, he has more of Fate’s view, and not so much Balthazaar, who has seen them all up close and personal, I guess.

“Crowley had a point, of course. My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian. After all, they taught me how to stand up, what to stand for, and what generally happens to you when you do.”

So he is at least somewhat aware of how he prioritizes the boys.

“You know, he’s our friend. And we are lying to him through our teeth. … You think that Cas is in with Crowley? Crowley?”

Dean is fucked up over this. Rightfully. Because he doesn’t hold onto many people, and while he hasn’t verbalized it, yet, Cas has a special place in his life.

“Look, Dean, he’s our friend, too, okay. And I’d die for him, I would, but, look, I’m praying we’re wrong here.”

Oooh, this says so much that Sam has to clarify that. Like, he realizes how highly Dean regards Cas, how much he trusts him, how much this is crushing him.

“And the worst part was Dean trying so hard to be loyal with every instinct telling him otherwise.”

Cas can literally see inside Dean. He can see the conflict, and as Dean walks by, Cas moves with him, as if tied to him by an invisible string.

“This is Cas, guys. I mean, when there was no one, and we were stuck, and I mean really stuck, he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many friggin times. This is Cas. Don’t we owe him the benefit of the doubt, at least?”

This one aches. This one hurts. Because 9 years later, Cas will say this to Dean in a moment of heartache that somehow feels a thousand times worse than this despite the stakes here being so much higher. “You used to give me the benefit of the doubt,” Cas will say.

But look what happened when Dean did it, Cas. Look what pain you wrought. Can you blame him for struggling to find his faith in you, again?

“You thought what?, I know. It’s crazy, right … We never should have doubted you. We just hope you can forgive us.”

Dean feels… relieved. He feels like he put his faith in the right place.

And look at how soft Dean’s eyes are as he asks his friend for forgiveness. It will be a long time before he’s this soft with Cas, again. Especially since a breath later the idiot fucks up with the Superman reference.

“You gotta look at me, man. You gotta level with me and tell me what’s going on. Loo me in the eye and tell me you’re not working with Crowley. {Cas looks away} Son of a bitch.”

This takes me back to the holding room with the burgers and beers. Dean caught on that Cas couldn’t look at him when he knew something was off, so he tells him here that he needs to look at him.

And when he can’t, Dean knows all he needs to know.

“Let me explain.” “You’re in it with him? You and crowley have been going after purgatory together? “You have, huh? This whole time.” “I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you.”

Cas is pleading with them as much as they are pleading with him. He directs most of it to Dean, but Dean is hurting too damn bad. His friend fucking betrayed them. His friend is working with the bad guy. His friend didn’t trust them enough to help.

And Cas sees his friends refusing to trust him with his plan. He sees his friends rejecting him and his plan. He sees his friends refusing to listen just as his brothers in Heaven did.

“I’m still me. I’m still your friend. Sam, I’m the one who raised you from Perdition.” {That gets Dean’s attention} “What? Well, no offense, but you did a pretty piss poor job of it.”

Sastiels rejoice! Look, it’s not my ship, but I can see how they’d be stoked their Winchester was touched by an Angel, too, ya know?

“I had no choice.” “No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one,” “You don’t understand. It’s complicated.” “No, actually, it’s not and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh? Unless you knew that it was wrong. When crap like this comes around, we deal with it like we always have. What we don’t do is we don’t go out and make another deal with the devil.” “Yeah, it sounds so simple when you say it like that.”

And it does. Yes, Cas fucked up, but he’s trying to save everyone. Not just the Winchesters, but the world. He’s trying to save the innocent people they saw on the playground together not so long ago, the children growing up, the adults growing old, and even the birds flitting from tree to tree in search of the perfect nesting nook.

Cas finally meets Dean’s eyes.

“Where were you when I needed to hear it?” “I was there. Where are you?”

This is on Dean and Cas, their mutual heartbreak. They’ve broken each other, here, in a way that perhaps may never have been repaired. Their trust in one another is shaken, and it’s their own damn fault.

Mostly Cas.

Look, he may be my favorite character, but I’m going to call him on his shit. I’m not precious about my kids, either. I love and celebrate them for the unique, incredible, vibrant humans they are. But everyone knows you own up to your mistakes and we don’t lie in this house.

So, Cas, you’re kinda on my shitlist tonight. Sorry, buddy. You can make it up to me by fixing your shit with your boytoy. Capiche?

“You should’ve come to us for help, Cas.” “Maybe. It’s too late now. I can’t turn back now, I can’t.” “It’s not too late. Damn it, Cas, we can fix this.” “Dean, it’s not broken. Run. You have to run, now. Run!”

Despite everything Cas is still trying to protect them, and Dean still trusts that Cas is telling them to run for that very reason.

That’s what is truly batshit about the end of this scene—angry as they are at one another, much as that trust has been shattered, there’s enough left that Dean will run when Cas tells him to, because he knows deep down the Angel only wants to keep him safe.

You can’t baby proof a hurricane. But that’s what Cas tries to do with Dean. The Angel wants to protect him from further harm. It’s not what he needs, though. Dean needs the truth.

It’s another place where I feel a kinship to Dean. If the news sucks, it sucks. But don’t sugarcoat it and don’t lie. I can figure out what to do if it’s all falling to shit and I know it. But if I’m in the dark, then I’m flailing for a recourse with six minutes to Midnight when the spell goes poof.

Dean opens the door for the others to run through, but he stops to look back at Cas. The firelight illuminates both their faces as they contemplate one another. They’re both hurt. They’re both upset. And shit as their communication is right now, that “bond” is still there.

Damnit. It’d be so much easier for both of them if it wasn’t. But it’s there. They can feel it. Damnit.

“Hello, Dean.” “How’d you get in here?, The angel proofing bobby put up on the house, he got a few things wrong.” “Well, it’s too bad we gotta angel proof in the first place, isn’t it?”

Ouch. It’s another time when Dean wakes to Cas there, but this time, they are at odds. They’re upset. Castiel wants so desperately for Dean to understand his motivation for doing the shit thing. And Dean wants Cas to just not do the shit thing.

But Cas believes in it. And an Angel’s belief and devotion can be dangerous. We’ve seen that time and time, again.

Right now, Cas’ loyalties are divided, but the more he feels rejected by Dean, the more he leans into this terrible choice.

Again, it doesn’t make it right. But we understands where it comes from.

“Why are you here?” “I want you to understand.” “Oh, believe me, I get it. Blah blah, Raphael, right?” “I’m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this because of you.” “Because of me. Yeah. You gotta be kidding me.” “You’re the one that taught me and freedom and free will-“ “You’re a frigging child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want doesn’t mean that you get to do whatever you want.”

Dean has never been at War the way that Castiel has. There are some horrible, no good decisions that go down in War. Terrible things.

And while Castiel may be new to freedom and free will, infantilizing him isn’t going to help Dean get through to him.

“I know what I’m doing, Dean.” “I’m not gonna logic you, okay? I’m saying don’t just ’cause. I’m asking you not to. That’s it.” “I don’t understand.” “Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family. That you are like a brother to me. So if I’m asking you not to do something, you gotta trust me, man.”

It’s too late. Damnit, it’s too late. Castiel has locked in and he can’t unlock.

This is important. Because someday Cas will learn how to roll with things, how to adjust when things shift, how to change gears when it matters.

But he’s not there, yet.

“Or what?” “Or I’ll have to do what I have to do to stop you.” “You can’t Dean. You’re just a man. I’m an angel.” “I don’t know, I’ve taken some pretty big fish.”

This hurts so bad. Damnit. They’re friends. They care about each other. They trusted each other. But now? Dean is just another human in the way. And Cas is just another dick Angel fucking with the world.

At least, that’s what they each try to tell themselves.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” “Well, I’m sorry, too, then.”

Damnit, you two. I want to shake you both right about now. You, Cas, more than Dean because what the fuck, bro!? But, I get where it comes from. I do. I see the lines of pain and hurt and control and manipulation and programming and fear that have led you to this terrible, terrible choice.

And, Dean, it’s too little too fucking late. All Season you’ve been criticizing him for not showing up the second you want him, and then you barely acknowledge the war he is fighting. Now, in the eleventh hour it looks like you’re using your bond as a bargaining chip instead of an honest declaration.

We know you mean it—how important Castiel has become to you. But the timing is suspect and Castiel is too far-gone to listen. He’s lost, Dean. Completely lost. As lost as you were last season when you were ready to say “yes” to Michael.

Only Cas doesn’t have a Sam to stop him.

God, you two are so alike, sometimes, you know that? You and your Angel are the two most stubborn beings to walk the earth. Maybe someday you’ll learn to listen to one another.

S6E21 -

"Well, at least you tried." "Yeah, a fat lot of good it did. Why’d he even come, right?” … “Our pal Cas didn’t stop in last night just to mend fences.” “What’d he do?” “Stole something.”

This shouldn’t have made me smile, but it did. Yes, I know something’s wrong with me. Don’t worry, someone’ll figure out what it is soon enough.

But this is going to come back around in another era when Cas is lying to Dean and far more effectively manipulating the man—when he needs to steal something else, the colt. I like consistency in character. It’s the little things in life, ya know?

“I didn’t ask for your help.” “Well, regardless, you’re welcome.” “Why are you here?” "I had no idea Crowley would take Lisa and Ben.” “Yeah, right.” “You don’t believe me.” “I don’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth.”

Cas looks away. He can feel the cord of connection unraveling in the moment. When he looks back, he tries to reach for that connection, to grip the fraying threads in his mind and will them back together.

“I thought you said that we were like family. Well, I think that, too. Shouldn’t trust run both ways?” “Cas, I just can’t.” Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call, and I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats, I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing-“

It sounds so simple when Cas says it like this. But Dean can see things his angelic buddy just can’t.

“Trust your plan to pop purgatory?” “I’ve earned that, Dean.” “I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben. And I will bring them back. Stand behind me the one time I ask.” “You’re asking me to stand down?” “Dean." "That’s the same damn ransom note that Crowley handed me, you know that, right? Well, no thanks. I’ll find them myself. Now why don’t you go back to Crowley and tell him that I said you can both kiss my ass.”

Cas is too wrapped up in this to see it, to see how bad this is. But, buddy, when the bad guy starts saying the same thing you’re saying, it might be time to own up that you’re the bad guy. Just sayin’.

They both have tears in their eyes. Dean is enraged worrying about Lisa and Ben, because from his viewpoint, it was Cas who put them in harm’s way. And Cas can see that much, even if he’s still blind to the rest.

“What do you want?” “Dean, listen-“ “What do you want me to say? She’ll be dead by midnight.” “I’m sorry-“ “I don’t care. It’s too little too late.” “Okay. Well, regardless, I didn’t come for you.” “Meaning?” {Dean picks up on what Cas is doing} “She’s fine now. She’ll wake soon. Dean, I said I’m sorry and I meant it.” “Thank you.”

Dean can’t look at Cas. He can’t. He’s still too mad. But he understands what Cas just did here was big and it matters even if it’s not enough to undo the bad blood between them.

“I wish this changed anything.” “I know. So do I.”

If they were a man and woman, everyone would talk about how these two were star crossed lovers and such. I am not kidding. Listen to this fucking dialogue! These two are on opposite sides of a war and yet falling in love.

The strange thing is that Cas wants to do what is right. He just can’t see it clearly because he got into bed with the demon instead of the handsome hunter.

I mean, come on, Cas had to kiss Crowley to seal their deal, right? Which means technically his first kiss wasn’t Meg, but it was Crowley. Man kisser Castiel confirmed!

Yes, I’m being ridiculous. But these scenes are tough and I could go with a little ridiculousness right about now, what about you?

“All else aside, I just wanted to fix what I could.” “There’s one more thing you could do for me.”

Dean’s eyes are pleading here. He even said “for me” because he knows this is for him. Cas says he didn’t come here for Dean, but we all know he did.

“You must know, everything I did, I did for you,” comes to mind. Yeah, Castiel is so Mr. Darcy. He’s expressing his love the only way he knows how, right now—helping the ones Dean loves.

And, yes I do think Dean loved Lisa and Ben. A different kind of love than the one he finds with Castiel, but a valid love, no less. And he loved them so much he let them go.

S6E22 -

“You don’t even see it, do you? How totally off the rails you are.” “Enough. I don’t care what you think. I’ve tried to make you understand. You won’t listen. So let me make this simple. Please go home and let me stop Raphael {This is all to Dean} I won’t ask again.” “Well, good, ’cause I think you already know the answer.” “I wish it hadn’t come to this. Well, rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam, but only if you stand down.”

Geez louise, Castiel, what the ever loving fuck!? I love you, man, but this is freakin’ villain-level bitchery.

“This is exactly what Cas wants. For you to fall to pieces. Just try to think of what Sam would want.”

Oh, I hate this arc so much. Yes, Dean’s going to do his own version of this with the Mark of Cain arc in a few seasons (what is it with these boys and doing the absolute most idiotic thing without consulting the others… learn to communicate you fools!). But, right now Castiel is the one in the “Does the worst possible thing” seat.

“First Sam and Dean, and now this? I’m doing my best in impossible circumstances, and my friends, they, abandon me, plot against me. It’s difficult to understand.”

Still the Angel. In a few years, once he is mortal, he will tell Dean that he is only beginning to understand human emotion after years on the planet. Angelic allegiance is so absolute that he mistakes their skepticism in the plan with distrust of him.

“You doubted me. Fought against me. But I was right all along.” “Okay, Cas. You were. We’re sorry. Let’s just defuse you, okay.” “What do you mean?” “You’re full of nuke. It’s not safe. So before the eclipse ends, let’s get them souls back to where they belong.” “No, they belong with me.”

Talk about power going to your head. Damn it, Cas, listen to Dean!

“No, Cas, it, it’s scrambling your brain. … Listen to me. Listen. I know there’s a lot of bad water under the bridge. But we were family once. I’d have died for you. I almost did a few times. so if that means anything to you, please. I've lost Lisa. I've lost ben. And now I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you, too.”

Watching Bobby’s reaction here is wild because I don’t think he realized until this moment just how much Cas means to Dean.

I mean, Dean isn’t the chattiest guy about his feelings, right? And, yes, we can gauge that part of this was Dean just trying to save the day, but he’s not lying. He’s not. He saw Cas as family which is the highest point of connection he could assign to another being. And he doesn’t want to lose him.

And yes, Sammy with the knife as a plan B wasn’t a bad idea. But I tend to believe Dean—Cas was family.

“You don’t need this kind of juice anymore, Cas. Get rid of it before it kills us all.” “You’re just saying that because I won, because you’re afraid. You’re not my family, Dean. I have no family. {Sam knives him in the back. He pulls it out}, I’m glad you made it Sam, but the angel blade won't work. Because I’m not an angel anymore. I’m your new God. A better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your lord. Or I shall destroy you.”

Now, we all know how this ended—Castiel got booted off the show!

S7E01 -

“The Castiel you knew is gone.” “So what then, kill us?” “What a brave little ant you are.”

Alright, the first time I wrote this autocorrect took over and it read: “Dean is shocked to hear that from his mount”. And while, obviously, I meant “mouth I had to share with y’all because… it ain’t wrong.

Now, the rest of this is just Cas being a douchey, power-driven, hyped up on steroids and cocaine asshole. He calls the Winchesters his “favorite pets” and told Dean “you’ve erased any nostalgia I ever had for you” like a fucking ass.

But, because we only have Collins for about 2.5 minutes before his very special guest run is over, we’re going to blitz through. I mean, Destiel isn’t built on Godstiel, anyway.

“I just wanted to make amends before I die.” "Okay., Is it working?” “Does it make you feel better?” “No. You?” “Not a bit.”

God, these two are ridiculous.

But one thing I note during all this prep is how Bobby treats Cas. Even the little shoulder touch as he says, “Hang in there” is somehow deeper than it was before—because he knows Dean wasn’t lying in that little speech back there at the tail end of Season 6.

Bobby knows Dean Winchester as well as anybody who knows the real Dean. Bobby is one of those people Cas indirectly references is in his declaration of love in the future—“anyone who knows you” knows that Dean does everything because of love.

So, yes, Dean made a speech to try to save the world. But he also loves Cas. And, again, I’m not saying we’re into romantic love, yet.

I tend to be of the opinion that it sneaks up on Dean over time rather than being as instant for Cas, but Bobby knows, now. So, he’s going to treat Cas in a way that honors Dean’s love for him—whatever kind of love it may be.

“He’s gone, Dean.”

Look. At. Dean’s. FACE. Despite everything, this is still a crushing blow. Dean’s hand rests on Cas’ shoulder as he regards him.

“Damn it. Cas, you child. Why didn’t you listen to me?”

Still infantilizing him. Yeah, sure, he fucked up. But he’s not a child, Dean.

Tears fill Dean’s eyes. Because despite everything Cas did, he really wanted to save him. He wanted to save the Angel—because he’s family.

Cas comes back to life, surprising everyone. Dean’s hand lingers on Cas’s arm after they help him up. I seem to remember another time he helps Cas up and his hand lingers.

“I’m astonished. Thank you. Both of you.”

Cas looks at Dean with more adoration than I think he’d ever mustered before, and Dean clocks it. He doesn’t understand it, but you can see he’s not oblivious.

“I’m ashamed. I really overreached.” {he can’t look at anyone, now}” “You think?” {Cas looks right to Dean} “I’ll find some way to redeem myself to you.” “Alright, well, one thing at a time. Come on. Let’s get you out of here. Come on.”

They’re walking out together, Dean and Bobby each taking an arm, but Cas reaches up to grab ahold of Dean’s arm, stopping him. He meets his eyes.

“I mean it, Dean.”

This was going to be it, folks. The last moments of Destiel in the entire series were Castiel assuring Dean that he’d find some way to make it up to him, that he would redeem himself to him.

Because it’s about how Cas fucked up majorly, yes, but if there’s one human in the entire world whose opinion matters to Cas, it’s Dean’s.

And he would never get the chance. Another tragedy courtesy of the Writers Room—Castiel dies without redemption. He dies a black and sludgy mess of horrors without hope or agency.

He takes those steps into the water without control of his actions—but it was his choices that led to this, so his hands are bloodied, his legacy marred, his memory defiled with the death of innocents.

But before that… there’s that glimpse of where the character could have gone in the wake of the madness. And Collins gives us that by putting everything he had into those few bites of dialogue.

Imagine Collins knowing this is his last moment as Castiel talking to Dean… his last moment of Destiel. His last moment to be Cas. That’s why there is everything in that scene. Why he gives all that he has.

And it really feels like this is the moment, to me, that Castiel knows he loves Dean Winchester.

Maybe he doesn’t know to what degree, but he knows. It spills out of him in ways that confuse Dean (because it’s something he would never ever expect). And Misha gave that performance thinking it was all the time he had left as Cas in this show. Damn.

Dean spies Cas’ coat in the water and retrieves it. He folds it over in his hands and holds it tight.

“Okay. So, he’s gone.”

Look at Dean’s face. At how his lip quivers as he tries to hold it together. They just got him back… and he’s gone. Nothing to “fix” this time. It’s over.

“Dumb son of a bitch.”

He places his other hand atop the coat, almost gripping it… it’s all he has left of him. There are no photos of them together, no favorite hangouts (save the brother), and very few memories where they weren’t trying to save something or someone.

All he has is a coat. That’s it. And while Dean isn’t the most sentimental person in the world, he carries it out with him and holds onto it.

Now, it should be noted he doesn’t clean the damn thing as evidence of the blood still on the collar when Cas gets it back, but that actually seems pretty true to character, so it works.

Also, the music cue of “Black Water” had me rolling the first time I heard it. I don’t think that’s what they were going for, but considering the black goo in the water, it made me laugh.

Yes, my mother really hated the 80’s. I was a latchkey kid on a plug-in phone on the wall who watched all the movies the teenagers did. I share more memories with GenXers than Millennials, but whatcha gonna do? Can’t help when I was born!

My Dad gave me my 80’s education in the 90’s, and I’m so glad he did because there are some awesome songs in the 80’s.

“I’m fine, really.” “Course, yeah. Just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brothers in the bell jar and purgatory’s most wanted are surfing the sewer lines, but yeah, I get it. You’re fine.”

Dean is trying so hard to be fine, to pretend to be fine. Because his little brother is hurting, and in Dean’s book, that’s where his attention should be, not on his own shit.

But, Bobby knows, now, and he’s trying to be there for a shattered Dean.

Now, Destiel is nowhere near where it will get down the line. But, still, “Best friend ever” is a hard thing to lose.

S7E07 -

We get a brief Cas mention here when Dean says “Of course, since Cas I’m having a hard time trusting anybody” because he did trust Cas. And all of that hurt a lot more than he’s admitted to anyone, yet.

Dean doesn’t let people in easily. It’s just not his thing. But Castiel found his way in despite being an Angel, of all things. Anna was a blip on the Angel radar who ultimately betrayed them, and Dean was able to let that go pretty easily.

But Cas was different. Cas was family. And it all fell apart.

S7E13 -

“Bobby was right. Your head’s not in it. When Cas died you were wobbly, but now-“ “Now, what? Oh, what, you’re dealing with this so perfect? Yeah, newsflash, pal, you’re just as screwed up as I am.”

It’s the first time Sam’s brought up Cas since he died, but I do appreciate the impact. Of course Bobby’s death would rock him harder. That’s completely expected.

But I like the acknowledgement that Cas’ death messed him up so much Sam noticed it despite all the shit he has going on right now.

Sam is not oblivious to the Destiel, here. He just likes not being punched in the face, so he tends not to bring it up.

S7E17 -

“When you put my soul back, Cas warned you about all the crap-“ “Screw Cas!”

Sorry, Dean. That’s your job, not your brother’s. Just sayin’!

Not much later, Dean’s search for anything to help Sam leads him to the doorstep of Emmanuel. Well, he kills off the faker, and then comes face-to-face with… holy shit! That’s Cas!

Dean has fucking seen a ghost… it’s Castiel. And, gosh, I wish I was a part of the fandom at this point because I can only imagine how wild it got. Of course Dean and Cas reunite when the others aren’t with them. Even if our dear Cas is out of his head

“What was that?”

Three words for us to know Cas isn’t fully Cas. Three words. I want to kiss the writers for that.

Look, establishing shit is tedious, sometimes. You have to try to find a way to get the necessary information to the audience without dragging it out, boring them to tears, or making it feel like we forgot what this character talks like.

In Star Trek, the writers always seemed to quickly identify who was good with expeditionary dialogue. This case is a little different, but still the same concept—get the audience caught up to where we are so we can move on with the story. So well done.

“I’m Emmanuel.” “Dean. I’m, Dean.” “Thank you for protecting my wife.” “Your wife. Right.”

Jensen Ross Ackles (yes, I went on Wikipedia to find out his bloody middle name) what the hell were you doing with your lip there? That little lip quiver?

I mean, there was a bit of surprise, yeah, but that lip quiver read as… a little more.

And, an aside on the Wikipedia look—I totally forgot he was on Dark Angel. I was a mega fan of Season One of that show, but didn't watch much of Season 2, when Ackles was on there, but I do vaguely remember him!

“You don’t know about-”

Anything, Dean. He doesn’t know about anything. He doesn’t know what horrors he wrought. He doesn’t know who he is. He doesn’t know who Dean is.

Dean, who has lost Bobby and is struggling not to lose Sam, is standing in front of the guy who he mourned despite him dooming the whole fucking world. He's got Cas right here, but he doesn’t remember anything.

“What’s your issue?” “My brother.”

And the guy who did this to him is standing across from him. You did this to him, you fucker. Maybe you’re the only one who can undo it.

But Emmanuel doesn’t know who he is, doesn’t know what he’s done. And if Dean tells him, he risks losing his one shot to save Sam.

“So, Daphne… is that your, uh, your wife?” "She found me and cared for me. … Oh, it s a strange story. You may not like it.” “Believe me I will. … So who named you Emmanuel?” "bouncybabynames.com"

Okay, somehow this is super Cas coded. I don’t know why, but the first time I heard it, I thought, “Yup, that’s what Cas would do”. And by Dean's head tilt, I think he’s thinking the same thing.

I looked up Emmanuel, and it means “God with us”. I was pretty sure I remembered that from my Sunday School, but confirming it made me giggle. Yes, the Angel who tried to be God named himself “God with us”. Bless.

"Must be weird not knowing who you are.” “Well, it's my life and its a good life.” “What if you were some sort of uh, I don’t know, a bad guy?” “I don’t feel like a bad person.”

Dean’s testing the waters to see how much he should say. How much he can say. His priority right now is Sam—like it almost always is. So, Dean clams up.

“Someone did this to him.” “You’re angry.”

Of all the lines Collins delivers as Emmanuel, this is the one that reminds me he's still Cas. This isn’t Jimmy. This is a version of Cas if he was born human with special powers… but he is still Cas. This is a Cas line.

Also, Cas is still Cas. He can see into Dean. He doesn't know why he can, but he can.

“Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother’s head.” “He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?”

Cas is doing the Cas thing of seeing into things, but somehow Dean's doing a good job of covering up the fact that Cas is Cas. But Castiel’s senses are still alive and firing, even if his memory isn’t.

“Yeah, well, he’s gone.” “Did you kill him? I sense that you kill a lot of people.”

Dean’s firmly in, “I’m gonna get through this to save my brother” mode. Cas was his friend and Cas is gone, as far as he knows.

“Honestly, I don’t know if he is dead. I just know that this whole thing couldn’t be messier. You know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. Whatever it was. It might take some time. I always could. What Cas did, I just can’t. I don’t know why.”

Oh, Dean, honey. You have never had a friend like Cas. You have never trusted someone like Cas. Yes, Bobby, sure. But Bobby took the Dad role.

You tried to put Cas in a “brother” role because that’s all you know and “Panromantic Asexual Life Partner” (at this point) wasn’t in your vocabulary.

You can’t shake it because you still love Cas. Yes, as family at this point, not a lover. He is family. And he’s sitting right next to you.

And his betrayal is so much worse because you made him family.

Nobody made him blood, like your dad. No, you chose Cas. And that’s why it hurts like hell and you can’t stop feeling it.

“Well, it doesn’t matter. Why.” “Of course it matters.” “No, you’re not a machine, Dean. You’re human. Your friend’s name was Cas? That’s an odd name.”

That line, “You’re not a machine, Dean” hits me every time, because it’s the first time Emmanuel has called Dean “Dean” and he does it in a very Cas way.

“Imagine when I track him down and he's snuggled up with you.”

Meg’s smart. She knows that while she and Cas have a spark, Dean’s Cas’s first—and only—love.

“Are you sure we wouldn’t be safer traveling with a full-throttle angel? I could jog his memory. {Off Dean's withering look} Kidding!”

Much fun as it was for Dean to watch Cas and Meg make out the last time, that’s the last thing he wants to see about now.

And before Dean and Meg step aside for this next exchange, I love the staging. Castiel is between his boyfriend and his girlfriend. Aw. They can share him because Cas has two hands!

Anyway…

“I know you're enjoying the double dip with your old pal-” “You think it’s that cut and dry?”

I’m sorry. Did Dean just… did he just. I’m actually speechless.

Because “double dip” here is a very assertive poke where Castiel is the ice cream and Dean’s the one eating. You see where I’m going with this, right!?

See, Cas can’t remember who he is, right? So Dean gets his time in with Cas, and now he gets to double dip and get more with Cas via Emmanual. It can also be taken very sexually.

And Dean didn’t deny it, right? Sure, he doesn’t deny it when people make assertions about him and Cas. He just rolls with it. But he also doesn’t dismiss it in his rapid-fire response to Meg, and I find that fascinating.

NOTE: I always find a word that gets used a lot in a Meta. Sometimes it’s a term of endearment I use for a character. Sometimes it’s a term I use to describe a scene. I think I’ve written “Fascinating” 40 times here.

But, since this isn’t for a grade or publication in a magazine, I’m leaving every. Single. One. Of. Them.

Oh, yeah, I live on the edge! Wild child right here.

ahem

“You know what he did. And you just wanna tell him and hope that he takes it in stride? He could snap. He could disappear. Who knows.” “I gather we know each other.”

It’s the Angelic Swoop! It’s the Angel Camera swoop! Sure, Dean just slid up behind them instead of poofing out of nowhere, but the camera did the swoop!

“You can tell me. I’ll be fine.” “How do you know? You just met yourself. I’ve known you for years.” “You’re an angel.” “I’m sorry. Is that a flirtation?”

God Bless you Cas. You’re still in there. And Dean does the most adorable little double-take there. Like, “that’s what you think flirting is? I’ve been doing this wrong for years!”

Yes, I know. I know. I don’t think Dean’s there, yet. And your mileage may vary, and I know it will! But, I don’t think Dean quite knows, yet.

“No, it’s a species. A very powerful one.” “She’s not lying. That’s why you heal people. you don’t eat. I’m sure there’s more.” “Why wouldn’t you tell me? Being an Angel, it sounds pleasant.” “It’s not. Trust me. It’s bloody. It’s corrupt. It’s not pleasant.” “He would know. You used to fight together. Bestest friends, actually.”

Dean rolls his eyes at that, because there's always the implication of more that he still doesn’t deny.

“We’re friends? Am I Cas? I had no idea. I don’t remember you. I’m sorry.” … “It’s in there. I’m sure it’s just like riding a bike.” “I don’t know how to do that either.”

Dean’s reaction here is classic Dean when it comes to Cas and his inability to understand Pop Culture or very human references and turns of phrase. In a way, it’s comforting.

And despite his lack of memory, Cas is still Cas. He barely knows Dean, right now, but he trusts him. Meg said so herself!

He’s walking into this battlefield armed with knowledge he doesn’t know he has. But he’ll do it for Dean.

Maybe this is the only universe where Dean and Cas find each other, but it’s the one universe where they always find their way back to one another.

Because fuck destiny and fuck fate. Sometimes soulmates aren’t crafted by divine intervention but are found in spite of it.

The first memory we see is the barn… when he first spoke to Dean after rescuing from Hell. Then, it’s saving Dean and rebelling in the Burger Room. Next, dooming Sam, then taking the blood. His “I’m sorry, Dean”. Because while he’s remembering everything, we’re getting the clip show.

And someone in charge knew that Dean is at the center of it all for Cas. And Cas knows, too. He knows. He still wouldn’t call it romantic love, I don’t think, but he knows that Dean means more to him than anyone ever has. And now he remembers just how much he failed him. Not just the world… he failed Dean.

“Cas?” “I remember you.”

I have to pause here to appreciate Collins’ physicality. Just the way he turns around to face Dean is so obviously our Castiel and not Emmanuel or anyone else.

“I remember everything. What I did. What I became. Why didn’t you tell me?” “Because Sam is dying in there.” “Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn’t be here.” “Cas. Cas!”

Castiel cuts between his lovers as he storms off, and Dean makes sure he’s the one to go after their shared situationship while Meg stays behind.

“If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time.” “Don’t defend me. Do you have any idea the death toll in heaven. On earth? We didn’t part friends Dean.” “So what?” “I deserved to die.”

Dean almost nods at it. I mean, when Cas commits, he commits. When Cas fucks up, he fucks up.

“Now I can’t possibly fix it, so why did I even walk out of that river?” “Maybe to fix it.”

Castiel doesn’t know what he’s waiting for, and the first time I saw this scene I laughed aloud, because I’d heard tale of the legendary coat that had traveled from car to car with Dean. I thought it was the thing of myths and legends.

But there’s the damn coat.

It was all Dean had left of Cas—the best friend he’d ever had. Cas sees the coat, and he can’t take his eyes off of it, even to look at Dean. Because this is a really beautiful nonverbal way for Dean to say what he needs to say without saying it.

Dean doesn’t like getting emotional or giving speeches. He starts to do more later. But, this is Season 7 Dean and he’s not there, yet.

This is Dean’s way of showing Cas that even after everything he did, Cas still matters to Dean. So much of Season 6 felt like the Winchesters using Cas and Castiel lying to them.

This is their restart. This is their new beginning. This is the moment when Dean says, “Yes, I want you to heal my brother. Yes, you’re the one who fucked him up. But I carried this shitty coat around for months because of this ‘profound bond’ of ours. You matter to me as you, not just for what you can do to help me”.

Inside the hospital, Cas wears the coat over his Emmanuel clothes. It feels more costume than clothing with the slicked down hair and suburban housewife attire underneath. He can barely look at Dean as he tells him he can’t fix it.

“But I maybe able to shift it.” “Shift?” “Yeah, it would get Sam back on his feet.”

Dean doesn’t realize what Cas is doing, but Cas is committed. He told Dean before that he was going to find a way to redeem himself to him. We know that he would do anything for Dean.

“It’s better this way. I’ll be fine.” “Wait, Cas, what are you doing?”

But Cas isn’t going to tell him the plan. Because he did this to Sam, and he’s going to fix it.

“Look, man, I get it. She’s not our friend. We don’t even have friends. All our friends are dead.”

Ouch. Real ouch. But Dean saw what the mental breakdown was doing to Sam, and they know that Cas has taken that on. Nobody knows how his Angelic programming will handle it. He’s as good as dead to them. And that aches.

S7E18 -

Including this because Bobby sent Dean to Cas. I think a lot about the Series Finale, and while we have the utter lack of Castiel, we do have an eye waggle and some encouragement from Bobby for Dean to go after his Angel.

Imagine how much Bobby’s been watching them, how much he sees now that he can follow them around.

S7E21 -

“Cas is awake. … Last night about 8.” “And you waited until now to call us?”

I love how annoyed Dean is that Meg waited so long to give him an update on their shared situationship. And I also love that the Winchester boys are already determined to drive to Cas before they put it together that his waking times out with the tablet.

Again, we’re finally seeing that they value Cas for Cas. It’s about damn time.

Now, Dean and Sam know that things are going to be fucked up with Cas. Between what he did, and then what he absorbed from Sam, they’re not sure what to expect.

But there was never a question of whether they’d go—even before they make the tablet connection, they’re driving.

“Hey, Cas?” “Hello, Dean. Sam.”

The iconography here is insane. Cas as Castiel in his right mind wears the trench coat over the suit. From the behind-the-scenes clips poor Collins runs hot and this get-up can’t help much with that.

But, here, Castiel is wearing his trench coat on the outside, but much as it was ill-fitting with his cul-de-sac clothes, it looks almost comical over the blank, white psych patient clothing.

He wants to be closer to his true self—but underneath he’s still not himself. He’s clawing toward it, but the damage he did to Sam was monstrous, and the impact is still devastating, even to his Angelic programming.

“Hey Castiel.” “Look at you walking and talking. That’s, that’s great, right?”

Look at the hope in Dean’s eyes. Yes, they parted on a bad note before the weird adventures of Cas’ memory loss, but even then, Dean’s kinda attached to the guy.

Of course, seconds later they see that Cas isn’t fully there. But, hey, Dean was ready for a lot worse, right? And he came anyway.

As they try to talk to Cas and see what’s left of him, you can see the sadness in Dean’s eyes. Sam is keeping the conversation moving because Dean is lost in thought.

“I love you guys.”

It’s so strange, because Castiel is speaking more forthright than he usually would—about Meg’s beauty, about his love for the Winchesters. He’s uncorked, you might say.

And he isn’t fully himself because what we choose to release and what we choose to keep close is a part of what makes us… us. Castiel hasn’t yet fully found his way back to himself.

Gosh, what a rollercoaster ride this must’ve been for the actor. I mean, a fun one, but if you could how many minutes he’s been fully Castiel in this season, it’s less than 5 minutes of screen time. That’s just wild.

“Alright, I’ll go handle Cas. Sam, will you please pick up the word of God?”

Dean instinctively knows it has to be him. He does! He just doesn’t fully understand why, yet.”

"It’s Sam’s thing, isn’t it? You taking on his, uh, Cage match scars. I’m guessing that’s what broke your bank, right?" "Well, it took everything to get me here." "What are you talking about, man?"

Rachel’s flashing to S15E18, again. The exact same phrase when Castiel spoke in a way Dean couldn’t yet understand.

I mean, yeah, the Angel’s a bit out of his mind, but I love the consistency in things like this, little phrases characters use often enough, but not so repetitively that they become a 90’s catchphrase.

Literally, last night my husband said, “You got it, Dude” and I told him there’s no way I married Michelle Tanner from Full House. We were kids in the 80’s and 90’s. Catchphrases were all the rage.

“Dean, I know you want different answer.” “No I want you to button up your coat and help us take down leviathans. Do you remember what you did?” … “I’m sorry, Dean.” “No. You’re playing sorry.”

Dean is hurting and he’s angry. And while that is perfectly valid, Castiel isn’t running at full speed. He can barely get through a conversation, let alone march into battle.

Later, Meg returns from killing the Demons, and we have Castiel and Dean in the two-shot, Cas over his shoulder like the little broken Angel he is.

“You have fallen in every way imaginable.”

Ouch, Hester. Ouch. I mean, yeah, I can understand why you hate the guy—destroying fucking Heaven and all. But words still hurt.

“He can’t help you. He can’t help anybody.”

Finally, Dean, you got your head out of your ass long enough to understand the situation. Thank you.

“We’re trying to clean up one of your Angel’s messes and you know that.”

Cas is fidgety. He doesn’t like the confrontation. He doesn’t like disappointing Dean.

“He’s right. An angel brought the leviathan back into this world, And, and they begged him, they begged him not to do it.”

Dean hates begging, but it’s true. And Cas is finally saying Dean was right. Too late, of course.

“Why should we give you anything {shot of Dean} after everything you have taken from us?” {Shot of Cas}

Yeah, this was not edited to be subtle at all. We aren’t even looking at Kevin Tran or Sam or any of the other Angels. This is about Castiel. This is about Dean and Castiel.

We are quite literally addressing the Destiel in the room. And it’s by one pissed-off Angel.

“The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost.”

Ho. Ly. Shit. Why on earth did people tell y’all that you were hallucinated Destiel!? It’s like the craziest mass gaslighting ever!

Dean stares defiantly, but there’s hurt there, too. Because this is a confirmation of everything he’s ever believed about himself. He always sees the worst in himself and much as we know Cas’ shit is on him, in this moment Dean almost believes her.

Because he never believed he was worth saving. He believes he’s worth abandoning. He believes he’s poison to those he loves.

“For that you’re going to pay.” {She advances on Dean, but Cas steps up}, “Please. They’re the ones we were put here to protect.” {Cas spins so Hester is facing him, away from Dean}

She starts beating the shit out of him, and the Winchesters are ready to fight before the other Angels stop them. And as soon as Meg spikes the bitch, the other Angels are like, “Meh. Guess we’ll move on, now”.

Like, seriously, nobody liked Hester. They’re all just standing around, not killing the demon who iced their sibling. Buh-bye, bitch!

“It says we need to start with the blood of a fallen Angel.” “Well, you know me. I’m always happy to bleed for the Winchesters.”

He hands the blood to Dean, right past Sam. And you can see that Dean appreciates the actual help from the broken, fallen Angel.

S7E22 -

“I mean, it’s what he’d want us to do. Right?” “Yeah, him, and Frank, and Cas—if his marbles were in the bag.”

Dean’s almost always the one to bring up Cas. The Angel is so important to him, though he’s not going to say it.

S7E23 -

“We can call Castiel, again.” “Dude, on my car, he showed up naked… covered in bees.”

I told my husband about this, and he immediately said, “Trying to woo him!?” But, seriously, this might be the strangest way to tell a flower you want to pollinate him.

“You deal with him, I can’t anymore.” “You might want to be more specific.” “I was laying low halfway across the world when emo boy pops up out of nowhere and zaps me right back here.” “Why?” “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.”

Dean’s face falls and eyes kind of narrow… but he doesn’t bother denying it.

All the times he has denied being gay, but when it comes to Cas, he doesn’t, really. And the jaw clench at the end, there. phew

I’m not saying Dean is in love with Cas at this point, and Cas showed at the beginning of the season with those looks that he must be aware, now, on some level. I mean, half the celestial world knows. Destiel lore is spreading.

Dean approaches Cas outside… sees Cas is still not all there. Dean lifts his head to gather all his will to get through this.

Have you ever steadied yourself to talk to a friend or family member struggling with dementia? It reminds me of that, of trying to remember that who you’re talking to, now, isn’t exactly who you spoke with then. Not really.

They’re still in there, but you don’t know if you’re going to reach them or not. It’s unsettling and it’s super hard.

“I don’t want to fight.” "No, I’m not-” {Dean calms himself} We’re worried.”

This is tough for Dean. Cas is majorly triggered by conflict, and Dean’s first reaction is to get mad. So, this is a big thing for both of them.

"Alright, enough.”

Dean taking a Cas line to defend Cas from Crowley.

“I can’t help. Do you understand? I can’t. I destroyed everything {Cas’ voice breaks} and I will destroy everything again. So can we please leave it at that?”

Castiel truly thinks he can’t do anything right. God, these two are so similar in so many ways—except Cas’s instinct here is to pull back while Dean’s gut is telling him to lean in.

“No. No we can’t. We can’t leave it. You let these friggin things in. So you don’t get to make a sandwich. And you don’t get a damn cat. Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas. Clean up your mess.” … “Nice, you scared off the empire’s only hope.” “Meaning?” “It occur to you that ever one of those things was in Cas? He knows them. He can see past the meat suits.”

Ding, ding, ding! Keeping calm actually benefits the cause, Dean. And, I get it. I have anger issues, and have had to work my whole life to temper my temper. But, you gotta get through to Cas another way.

Cas watches from the stairs as Sam and Dean say goodbye to Bobby, likely invisible to their eyes. He’s still Angelic enough to be removed from those he loves, but it’s the Dean-to-Cas swoop shot that reveals him. It’s their shot.

“Cas, I need a wingman.” “Dean-“ “You don’t want to jump into the jaws of death that’s… fine. How about we run a little errand?”

It’s a good ask. And, honestly, giving these two a moment alone is almost always a good idea.

“Dean-“ “Cas. We’ve been over it. I get it. You can’t help.” “If we attack Dick and fail, then you and Sam die heroically, correct.” “I don’t know, I guess." “And at best I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake. Or I don’t die. I’m brought back again. I see now it’s a punishment resurrection. It’s worse every time.”

This line makes me laugh, because it’s kinda true. Every time Cas comes back, seems thing to suck more than ever, until the Empty sends him back. That one works out better than the rest.

"I’m sorry. Uh, we’re talking about God crap, right?” I’m not good luck, Dean.”

Oh, my poor, sweet Angel. You really think you’re going to make it worse for him, don’t you? Because your last venture out went so terribly, you’re afraid to do it, again. And you don’t want to let Dean down, again.

Think about it. Cas told Dean he’d find a way to redeem himself, but he’s not completely there and he knows it. He knows that something is off about him, and that’s only compounding his insecurities.

“Yeah, but you know what, bottom of the 9th and you’re the only guy left on the bench? Sorry, but I’d rather have you. Cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, alright. We’re all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?”

This line is insane. The first time I heard it I gasped. It’s such a simple line, void of romance or flirtation. It’s simply Dean stating what he sees. But, oh, what does Cas see?

Yes, darling, you’re good luck to him. You changed his entire world and the course of his existence, so, yes, you’ll always be good luck to him.

And Cas’ features go so soft here. Damnit, Collins, you’re at it, again, with the subtleties. And what I adore about this scene is that Dean picks up on it. He notes the shift in Cas immediately.

“What?” “Well, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness.” “Yeah, well, I’m probably gonna die tomorrow, so.” “Well, I’ll go with you. And I’ll do my best.” “Thanks.”

Have you ever had the love of your life say the right thing when you needed it most? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I say some stupid shit sometimes, and so does Matthew.

But there are times when I need that reminder of what I can do, who I am, what I mean to those I love. It doesn’t take much, but that can be enough to push us to overcome our fears.

Dean doesn’t realize that’s what he’s done for Cas—emboldened him enough to risk failing for the hope of succeeding.

“Wake up.”

Cas usually waits for Dean to wake. He can’t this time. They’re in Purgatory, and they need to get moving. With a whoosh Cas is gone and Dean’s left with the monsters.

And I have to call out the insanity that is Collins’ performance this year as Castiel. Yes, he only had a handful of episodes, but in that handful of episodes he had maybe 5 minutes of screen time where Cas was Cas and not something else.

He was Godstiel. He was possessed by Leviathans. He was Emmanuel. Then, he was briefly himself before taking on Sam’s mental anguish. And for the rest of the season, he’s a teetering mess in tatters, not fully himself.

It’s just mind boggling to me from a performance standpoint, and I applaud Collins’ efforts.

S8E01 -

“What about Cas? Was he there?” “Yeah, Cas didn’t make it.”

Widower Arc II, baby! The first one left Dean “shaky” according to Sam, but this ones only gonna get worse.

Every time Dean loses Cas, he realizes how much deeper their bond has grown. Because, yes, while they’ve only been reunited a few episodes by the end of Season 7, and Castiel isn’t fully himself, it’s Cas.

And in the eleventh hour, when they faced down Dick Roman, Cas was the one to help Dean finish him off. He came through. He didn’t fail. Despite his fear, he showed up and got it done.

And then he was gone. Gone.

Think about this from Dean’s perspective—a being he sees as family pulled himself together enough to face certain death for Dean’s sake. Dean knows this.

And he’s going to find that little Angel and protect him, right? He’s going to save him, right? Because Cas came through for Dean and Dean cannot fail him.

But he does. At least, that’s what he believes.

Dean walks away from his brother. Can’t look him in the eye. He thinks he failed Cas.

“What exactly does that mean?” “Something happened to him down there. Things got pretty hairy toward the end and he just… let go.” “So Cas is dead. You saw him die.” “I saw enough.” “So, you’re not sure.” “I said I saw enough, Sam.” {Dean turns back} “Right. Dean, I’m sorry.”

Sam knows that Cas and Dean have some kind of special connection. You can’t tell me otherwise after that! Much as Sam is sad to know that Cas is gone, Dean is the one wrecked by it. It’s plain to see.

“Me, too.

Oh, the self-loathing. Looks like Cas and Dean are playing Hot Potato with this one and it’s Dean’s turn.

“Did you look for me, Sam?”

This is such a core part of Dean… that “not give up” spirit he has. The only time he didn’t look for Sam was when Sam made him promise to go live a life at the end of Season 5.

“Good. That’s good. We always told each other not to look for each other.”

And how much time did he spend in Purgatory looking for the Angel? From the moment they were separated, Dean tried to reunite with him.

“That’s smart. That’s good for you. Of course we always ignored that because of our deep, abiding love for each other, but not this time, right Sammy?”

And I see why he’s hurting. He spent a year looking for Cas in Purgatory only to lose him at the last second, and he gets back to find that his brother didn’t look for him at all.

Yes, they are very different people and I don’t think Dean realizes he’s continuing the same cycle his father began with them—pushing the family to hunt together rather than living normal lives.

It might seem selfish to be human. I think that’s how Dean sees it, sometimes. But it’s also important to be human, and Sam understands that better than his big brother.

“Take a breath. Calm down. Where’s the angel?” You’re him. The human.” “Where’s the angel?”

I’m sorry. You’re telling me that all it took for the demon to know who Dean was was “Where’s the Angel?” Three-ish words and the dude’s a legend for tearing through Purgatory looking for his Angel?

“Alright, what about you?” “What about me?” “Look at you. You’ve still got that look. You’re shaky. You’re on edge.”

And he’s constantly thinking about Purgatory. About his hunt for the angel. Every memory we’ve seen so far, he mentions the Angel.

Also shaky is back. That’s the word Sam used the last time they lost Cas back in Season 7. He said that Dean was shaky. So, at least the human is consistent, though I’m convinced his mourning is deeper this time.

Because he thinks he failed him.

In my mind’s eye, I see Castiel at the beginning of Season 7 telling Dean he’d find a way to redeem himself, and then presumably never getting the chance. Dean wanted to be Castiel’s hero, to bring him home because they are family. And he failed.

He left someone behind. He didn’t want to, but he abandoned Castiel in the land of monsters because he wasn’t enough.

No, it’s not entirely accurate, we’ll come to learn. But that’s what Dean sees. He always sees the worst in himself because that’s easier to believe than the good.

Yeah, this is another one of those places where I relate to Dean more than I should. I’ve always seen the worst in myself and find criticism easier to believe than praise. It’s not a fun way to be.

“First we find the Angel.” “Mm, three’s a crowd, chief.” “Well, hey, either you’re in or you’re out.”

Dean is throwing his words back at Benny, but he’s making the stakes clear—you wanna get out of here, I’ll take you, but not without the Angel.

Also, I know there was a huge contingent of Benny/Dean shippers, and I see the vision! But, Benny-boo, Cas already has that prime real estate in Dean’s heart, so like Meg with Cas, you’re just gonna have to share him.

“Dean. You’re looking. Well, let’s say Purgatory didn’t do you any favors. Where’s your Angel?”

Uhhh. Your Angel!? Season 8 Crowley is full on aware of the Dean/Cas situation. And, yes, I wrote it like we used to write ships back before Soap Operas popularized name combinations.

Heck, for Mulder and Scully, you’d just declare in the AOL Chat Room if you were a Shipper, Fencer, or Noromo. These were simpler times. But I think Crowley, here, is a full-on Heller by now.

Somewhere between the end of Season 6 and the beginning of Season 8, there’s a huge shift in the Destiel relationship and how Dean sees Cas. He stops infantilizing him. He starts caring about him in a new way and really showing it.

They start to have honest conversations and deepen what’s already there. But, we’ll get to all that.

S8E02 -

“You’ll find your angel there.”

While Dean has been saying “the” Angel, I like that people start calling Cas “your Angel or flipping the script from Cas collecting Dean to Dean collecting Cas.

Because, if we’re real, they’re each other’s favorite Pokémon.

“Dean Winchester?” “Do I know you?” “Uh, no, but, uh, I knew Castiel.” “You’re an angel?”

Most Angels who want to “Talk” to Dean are aggressive, angry, and assertive. Samandriel, in this unassuming vessel, is polite. And, like anyone who understands Castiel at all, he knows that Dean will be the one with any answers.

"I wanted to ask you about Castiel. What happened to him?” “Well, uh, me and Cas, we, uh, we iced Dick Roman and got a one-way rocket ride to Purgatory for our trouble.” “But you escaped, Did, did Castiel?”

Dean’s face says it all. And it kinda sucks because Cas didn’t have a lot of friends left in Heaven after the whole Leviathan thing, so it’s sad that Dean had to deliver the bad news.

“You know there are some in heaven who still believe despite his mistakes that Castiel’s heart was always in the right places.” “Are you one of them?” “I think too much heart was always Castiel’s problem.”

This dude looks angry at Dean. Did you notice that? He brushes Dean’s arm as he passes. He doesn’t want to talk to Dean anymore. He got his answer. And now he’s done.

And I imagine that only digs the dagger deeper into Dean. His mind flits back to Castiel, the Angel of Thursday, the one with too much heart, the one he lost.

Cas still wears a hospital band around his wrist as he washes his face and hand in the water in Purgatory. He hears Dean’s voice and looks around. It’s not that he can’t pinpoint the source of the voice, but that he’s looking for Leviathan.

Before facing him, Cas is trying to be sure Dean will be safe during this conversation. It’s such a minute thing, but it’s clear as day that he’s not only fairly sane, but also completely on mission—protect Dean Winchester at all costs.

So it begins.

Castiel stands without moving. If he moves, he might lose his vantage point to see all around them to try to keep Dean safe. But Dean walks toward him like a lost man in the woods following a far-off beacon of light.

Dean laughs as he approaches Cas, pulling him into a hug. His face turns away from Benny as he nearly crumbles. Yes, Cas once hugged Dean and Sam while still struggling with sanity, but this is Dean initiating a hug. He doesn’t do that lightly.

And he and Benny are working together, but they aren’t tight, yet, so he doesn’t want the Vamp to see the ache of hugging Cas, of finding him. His Angel. Finally.

Cas doesn’t hug back. He doesn’t think he deserves this hug. He is still punishing himself for everything he did, for everything he cannot fix.

“Damn it’s good to see you.” {he lets one hand linger on Cas’ shoulder before touching a finger to Cas’ cheek} Nice peach fuzz.” “Thank you.”

It’s such a familiar thing, there. None of the bad blood of Season 7. He’s just so relieved to have his Angel back.

“How did you find me?” “The bloody way.”

Oh, the lengths Dean has gone through for you, Castiel. Last season, you didn’t think you were good luck, but you helped him take down the big bad. And this season, you don’t think you deserve to be saved. But he does.

And nobody’s commanding it, Castiel.

Listen to me, you foolish little Angel. This is an act of love on Dean’s part because you are family. You matter to him not because you’re an Angel or because of your abilities but because of you and who you are.

I know you can’t see it. I know it will be a long time before you even begin to realize you matter to Dean because despite being able to see into him, it’s the one thing you won’t allow yourself to see.

“I ran away.” “You ran away.”

And now Dean’s faith is shattered, again.

"I had to." “That’s your excuse for leaving me with those gorilla wolves?” “Dean-” “You bailed out and, what, went camping? I prayed to you, Cas, every night.”

Oh. My. Gosh. The first time Dean prayed to Cas and he appeared, the angel said it was a sign of faith. So, despite everything that has happened between these two, Dean didn’t lose faith in Cas. He didn’t. He prayed every night.

And Cas can’t meet Dean’s eyes. Because even though he knows why he stayed away, he can feel the disappointment, the betrayal, the pain radiating off of Dean.

Also, the music cue on “every night” is so intentional. They want us to feel the emotion and the agony here.

Remember, every part of a production tells a story. The music’s telling it, too. We just have to be listening.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” “I am an Angel in a land of abomination. There have been things hunting from the moment we arrived.” “Join the Club." “These are not just monsters, Dean, they are Leviathan. I have a price on my head. And I’ve been trying to stay one step ahead of them to-”

Cas stops, looking over to Benny.. he doesn’t want to give this stranger this insider info. But, honey, your human’s already blown your cover.

All of Purgatory know what you are to one another because Dean’s been running around with bullets and blades yelling, “Where’s my honey lemon?!” for the last year.

But he doesn’t know that. All he knows is what truly kept him away.

“-to keep them away from you.”

This hits Dean hard. He realized that Cas has been protecting him this whole time. That Cas led the worst of the worst away from Dean to keep Dean safe. He prioritized Dean.

And much as Dean would rather be in the battle with Cas every time, it’s a lot harder to be mad knowing Cas was making himself a moving target to try to give Dean a chance to survive.

“That’s why I ran. Just leave me, please."

Now that he’s said what he needs to say, he turns away. He’s trying to distance himself from Dean, to give Dean a chance because in Purgatory he’s nothing but poison to Dean.

If the very touch of Dean corrupted Cas, the very presence of Cas endangers Dean. How surreal that these two whose existences so often seem contradictory come to best live in the presence of one another.

“Cas, we’re getting out of here. We’re going home.” “Dean, I can’t.” “You can. … Cas, buddy, I need you.”

Look at Cas’ reaction. Look at that. Because Cas can see into Dean. He can see that Dean means this—Dean needs Cas.

It’s not Dean asking Cas to do something for him. It’s not him needing Cas’ skills or expertise or powers or knowledge.

This is the first time that Dean has looked at Cas and said I need you.

It’s not about use or purpose. It’s about one being needing another being. Dean needs Cas in his life. He does. He needs him.

And he’s acknowledging it for the first time.

We don’t know if it’s the first time he’s realized it within himself, but it’s the first time he’s verbalized it. And it’s almost too much for Cas.

Cas is where Dean was in S4E01…. he doesn’t think he deserves to be saved. But what can he say to Dean? How can he tell this being who is finally looking at him and saying he needs him that he can’t go with him? That he won’t?

Even how this is shot is so damn intimate. I mean, we have the shots where all three are visible, but this moment is Dean talking to Cas over Cas’ shoulder, and then a closeup of Cas’s face.

Because this is intimate and this is personal and it allows us to momentarily forget Benny and rest in this moment with Cas who is feeling things he never thought he’d feel.

Now, much as Dean thinks he’s corruption to Cas, Cas thinks he’s poison to Dean. They’re so damn similar, but for just a second, Castiel forgets all that and absorbs his words—Dean needs me.

“Dean.” “And if Leviathan want to take a shot at us, let them.”

“Us. There’s an us here, now." I know I have referenced that line from Dawson’s Creek in other metas, but that’s because it’s one of those things that stands out to me in shows—when two characters choose to become an us.

Dean and Sam are a dynamic duo, brothers. But Cas? Much as Dean tries to say he sees him like a brother or whatnot, it’s because he’s trying to fit his relationship with Cas into a heteronormative box based on his life of experience.

And, yes, Benny makes three, but Dean is making a point to Cas, here. You don’t have to do this alone. We are going to do this together.

“We ganked those bitches once before, we can do it, again.”

Look at Dean’s face. He wants to do this with Cas. He can’t imagine going on without him.

“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you.”

Dean has abandonment issues. He also has a fear of failing people. The people who need him most. The people he loves.

And all of this—from Dean saying he needs Cas to saying he won’t leave without him—has been shot without a glimpse of Benny. This was intentional. This tells a story.

We’re going on a journey in this scene, and for this particular part, Benny is a distraction. Because this is about the Destiel.

This is about Dean trying to get through to Castiel, and Cas trying to appease Dean enough to keep him moving, to get him to safety, knowing that he won’t follow behind.

Because Dean’s motivation in this scene is to get Cas and get back on the road. Castiel’s motivation is to get rid of Dean to keep him safe. But Cas quickly realizes Dean won’t move on without him.

Because Dean needs him.

Castiel is a burden to Dean and Benny, here. He’s literally a lightning rod for Leviathans and will dramatically reduce their chance of escape. But Dean doesn’t care.

That’s what is so wild about this. It’s the “heart choice” as Sam would say. Dean’s making the heart choice for Cas because he loves him.

It doesn’t matter what kind of love, at this point. It’s love. And it’s what Dean believes will pull that resistant Angel outta Purgatory, no matter what.

No, y’all weren’t crazy. I hope you know that.

This final shot on the water is beautiful.

Benny has been there during the scene, and when he was trying to split these two up by baiting Cas, he was in between them in a lot of the shots.

Then, what it got personal, the shots transitioned until it was close ups of Dean and Cas—because this is them. Dean unyielding in wanting to keep them together. Castiel doing anything to protect Dean, even if it means keeping them apart.

In this last wide shot with the three of them in silhouette, Benny is on the outside, and Cas and Dean are facing one another. What a beautiful metaphor for how the scene started to how it ended.

Yes, Cas intends to stay, but he’s going to stay with Dean as long as he can. He will protect him as well as he can. Now, the fate of the world doesn’t matter for him. He’s in Purgatory, so what can he do about it?

But the fate of one man? Maybe he can have a hand in saving that one man.

"I know we’re not mates, Kevin, but one word of advice. Run. Run far and run fast. Because the Winchesters, well, they have a habit of using people up and watching them die bloody.”

The camera shows us Dean, his reaction to these words. Bobby’s gone. Cas is gone. And this kid… Well, who can blame this kid for being scared?

“What’s that kid thinking?” “He thinks people I don’t need anymore, they end up dead.” “Dean, that that’s not true. You know that.”

Don’t “need”. Need. And, yes, this is a different kind of need because he did need Cas and Cas still ended up dead, as far as he knows.

Look, I have definitely felt that Cas was used up a lot by the Winchesters. So many times he had to remind them that he was at literal war and they didn’t care.

They were hard on him. They were patronizing to him. They called him only when they needed things and off-hand sort of offered help… but by that point it was far too late.

This doesn’t excuse Cas’ bonehead decisions in Season 6. He made those on his own. Both “the Winchesters were using Cas like a personal pan Angel” and “Castiel was being a fucking moron” can be true at the same time.

S8E05 -

“I don’t think it would work for me.” “You hear what he’s telling you, Dean? Your buddy is saying-.”

“Your buddy”. We’ve officially entered the stage where people finally start addressing Dean with the “your such and such” stuff.

“Listen to me you undead blood junkie, I’m the one with the mojo. I’m the one with the plan. Cas, we’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

Dean is so determined that the plan will work. And this is so damn true to character that I could kiss him (platonically, on the cheek) for being who he is. Because that’s why we love Dean Winchester—he keeps at it even when it seems damn impossible.

But, yeah, he’s totally missing the point—Cas is trying to say goodbye.

“My life changed when she entered it, Dean. Everything I had been or done up to that point just… seemed to vanish into what we had become together. I mean, we found it, man.”

Why is this such a parallel for Castiel and Dean? In this version, Castiel and Benny are in the same position—two beings who had entire lives before they met the one they loved.

And from that point on, everything was different.

Dean changed Cas. And as the Vampires came for Benny, the Angels came for Cas. It’s so damn obvious if you just sit and listen.

“The Angel knows it. We are never gonna make it with him next to us glowing like a beacon.” “Do I need to remind you of our deal? Of what you committed to?” “He is gonna get us killed.”

But just a moment later, Benny saves Cas from a Leviathan, and that secures Dean’s loyalty. Because, Benny knows that it would be easier for him and Dean to make it without Cas—but Dean’s not going anywhere without his Angel.

So, instead of letting the Leviathan magnet die, Benny saves him.

S8E06 -

“Well, I guess people change, don’t they?”

This is Dean talking about not killing Benny, and I think it’s important that Dean is on a journey of his own, here. It’s independent of Cas, and there’s nothing wrong with that. For so long, Dean was the one to “Kill first, talk later”.

He can’t be a static character, and I’m glad they explored this side of him, to be honest. I think he needed to see that he could be more than just what was expected of him.

But I think it’s important to remember that Dean is a creature of habit and that change isn’t as easy for him as it is for others. He’s slower to see the humanity in Benny, Meg, Crowley, Rowena, etc. He takes a while to catch up.

And it’s the same with his love for Cas. It’s going to take him longer to get there because it’s outside of what he expects of himself, of what he expects for his life, of who he thinks he’ll be.

For goodness sake, it isn’t until the Penultimate episode of the series, fresh off Castiel’s declaration of love that he sees himself as anything other than the killer he’s been “destined” to be. And Cas’ love did that.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself…

S8E07 -

MUSIC: “If it’s the last thing we ever do, we got to get out of this place. Girl, there’s a better life for you and me.”

I didn’t catch it the first time I watched the scene, but as I rewatched, I had to giggle a little at that music choice. And, yes, it was a choice.

This show is all about nostalgia when it comes to music because that’s a big part of Dean’s personality. Music takes him back to times when things were simpler. Sometimes they remind him of his Mom.

Dean isn’t expecting to see Cas on the side of the road as this particular line plays, but somebody made that choice, and we get to read into it. Yay!

Is it about getting out of Purgatory, Dean and Cas? That seems like the obvious read on it, right? And the end of the song is literally “Believe me, baby. I know it. You know it, too.”

So, Dean’s listening to a love song about getting away with your baby at the exact moment Cas first tries to connect with him from wherever he is.

“I was about to say you look like you’ve seen a ghost, but you’d probably be stoked. You okay?” “Yeah, I’m cool.”

His tone is so… resigned. Like, he has to be okay, because there’s no way he actually saw Castiel? Right!?

Until… he sees him again outside the window. And let’s address how insane their connection is that Sam never sees Cas during this weird in-between period of Cas trying to get through. It’s only Dean.

Plus, we know poor Castiel is probably undergoing his lobotomy about, now. So, does this mean he’s trying to reach out during the process? That he’s trying to escape? That some part of him knows something is wrong and he needs to get to Dean?

Dean closes the laptop and goes to the window, looking out. It wakes Sam.

“I just saw something." “Uh, you saw what?” “Cas."

Ackles is killing me with how softly he delivers a single syllable, how wistful and wishful.

“Cas? Where?” “Right there. And, and and earlier on the road. I feel like I’m seeing him.” “That’s not possible. I mean, you said it yourself. You made it out and he didn’t.” “I tried so damn hard to get us out of there.”

Us. There’s an us here.

“I know you did.” “You know, I could have pulled him out, I just don’t understand why he didn’t try harder.” {Dean walks away, and even when his brother approaches him, Dean’s eye go to the window, not Sam} “Dean. You did everything you could.” “Yeah, but why do I feel like crap?” “Survivors guilt?” “Hm.”

I mean, there’s also a far less hetero explanation, Sam, but I get why you’re not going there, yet.

“If you let it, this is gonna keep messing with you. You’ve gotta walk past it.”

But Dean can’t. He’s stuck on this moment, on his failure, on his belief that he let Cas down.

“Dean, it’s a human portal. There’s no still proof that an angel can pass.” “Stow it, Cas. You’re coming. That’s final.” “I’m just saying {Cas puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder. It stops them both} if it doesn’t work. Thank you for everything.” “Save the hallmark. Okay? It’s gonna work. Nobody gets left behind.”

Or forgotten. I’m sorry, am I the only one who thought that because of Lilo & Stitch? Then, again, maybe I’m not the target demo for Supernatural at all and this is all a terrible, terrible mistake.

But the point here is that Cas is trying to prepare Dean for the ultimate failure because he’s afraid to tell Dean the truth. And even more afraid that Dean will get stuck in Purgatory trying to get him out.

“Hello, Dean.”

I started laughing so hard, which is so inappropriate. I mean, Cas just showed up in Dean’s reflection, over his shoulder as his little Angel. And all I can think about is Sam on the other side of this touching moment looking at nothing but Cas Ass.

Something’s seriously wrong with me.

But, once, again, as soon as Cas appears, he’s cropped out of the shots. This moment right here is for Dean and Cas.

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to reach out, but for whatever reason I wasn’t at full power. So I couldn’t connect with you.” “That must have been why you kept seeing him. I mean, you think?” … “I’m dirty.” “Yeah, well, Purgatory will do that to you.”

Dean’s thrilled to have Castiel back, but alarm bells are going off in his head. He knows that there was only a human hatch outta Purgatory and Cas has zero memory of how he got here.

I don’t think he’s worried that Cas is something else—Demon, Shapeshifter, Leviathan—but he’s worried about Cas and what it means for all of them that he can’t remember how he got there.

Cas walks out of the bathroom, not only clean, but finally wearing his trademark Castiel costume fully for the first time since the first episodes of Season 7. He smiles as he presents himself, so damn proud.

And the audience gets to see Castiel settled as himself, again. He’s no longer grappling with the mental anguish he took on from Sam, but anyone who’s seen the series before knows the alarm bells going off in Dean’s head are warranted.

Ackles’ acting choice is baffling to me, though. I don’t mean it in a critical sense! I only mean to say that I have watched it over and over and there are so many interpretations that I’m struggling to land on one that resonates most with me.

It feels unsettled, to me, while others read it in a sexual manner. I can see it that way, but I’m going to go with Dean just being unsettled to see Cas shift so quickly from Purgatory putrid to squeaky-clean Angel.

They try to fall into a familiar rhythm, but even sitting in the car with Castiel behind him, Dean’s mind is on Purgatory.

"Cas, can I talk to you outside?” “What?” “Exactly. What? What the hell happened? Back there. Purgatory. I told you I would get you out. We were there. It’s like you just gave up. It’s like you didn’t believe we could do it.”

There are are so many times where Dean is disappointed when Cas doesn’t appear to trust him. It devastates him every time, and I don’t think Cas even realizes it, yet.

“You kept saying that you didn’t think it would work. Did you not trust me?”

I swear, I forgot he said that, here. But, I guess it goes to show I was on the right track. Score one for Rachel!

“Dean-" “I did everything I could to get you out. Everything!” {Cas’ eyes narrow… he’s looking} I did not leave you.”

His abandonment issues are flaring here. He doesn’t want to do to others what he felt was done to him. He feels like he’s always been abandoned. and he would never do that to Cas.

Because when he and Cas went into Purgatory, he’d forgiven Cas. Cas actually helped him save the day. Cas came through despite his fears and self-doubt.

Dean believed in him and he was going to protect him, damnit, because Cas was family. And Ackles is doing a phenomenal job here of weaving his anger with anguish, his frustration with heartbreak.

It’s such a complicated character—one who has a vision of who he is supposed to be so carved into him that it rivals the Enochian sigil on his ribs. And, yet, he is so much more layered than he often allows himself to be.

And Ackles has the job of conveying that to us since we can’t see inside of Dean’s head. He’s really doing a lovely job here. I stop and rewind that line quite a bit because someone in that editing booth was smart enough to hang onto the shot long enough to let Ackles emote the shit out of it long after his lips stop moving.

“So you think this was your fault?”

Dean doesn’t like when Cas sees him like that… sees through him. It makes it so much harder for him to deflect and hide his emotions.

Cas smites the demon, but he’s worn, and Dean notices immediately. He rushes to the Angel and grips his shoulder.

“What the hell is going on? You’re not all the way back, are you?”

Dean is so much more aware of Castiel this season. Damn, I like this.

“It’s not working.” “Dean, I’m going in.” “Cas, no. You’re not strong enough.”

Dean is concerned. This is such a shift from last season where Dean was pushing, pushing, pushing at Cas to get him to do something despite him not being fully himself.

He just got Cas back, and he’s trying to protect him. Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s that he can’t lose him, again, so suddenly.

But Cas goes in, anyway. And after he destroys the tablet, the door opens to reveal Dean. He rushes immediately to his Angel, gripping his shoulder to help him sit up. They hold each other’s gazes just long enough for Dean to confirm he’s okay.

“That was a bonehead move back there. You could have gotten yourself killed. Why didn’t you wait for me?” “Well, I didn’t get killed and it worked.” “And if it didn’t?” “It would have been my problem.”

Last season, Dean was telling Cas to clean up his mess. Well, Cas internalized that, it seems.

Also, Season 8 moves to them really speaking to one another more like equals. In Season 4 and even 5, Cas does a lot of talking down to Dean. Season 6 and 7, Dean does a lot of talking down to Cas.

In Season 8, there’s this evening of the plane between them that really shines in their few episodes together at the front half of the season.

“Well, that’s not the way I see it.” “Hey, everything isn’t your responsibility. Getting me out of purgatory wasn’t your responsibility.”

This is kinda sad, to see that Cas thinks of himself as a responsibility or obligation. But, it’s not entirely wrong for him to see that, especially considering how Dean talked about Sam during his wild, brothel-filled night out with Cas.

Dean does often feel like he’s responsible for everything. That’s why he hunts. He thinks he doesn’t deserve a quiet life as long as there are terrible things out there that will ruin the quiet lives of others.

“You didn’t get out. So, whose fault was it?” “It’s not about fault. It’s about will. Dean, do you really not remember?” “I lived it, Cas. Okay, I know what happened.” “No. You think you know. You remembered it the way you needed to.”

Every now and then we get a reminder that Castiel is a freaking Angel and he can see inside of Dean. He realizes that Dean’s memory is faulty, that he has false guilt, and he wants to lift it from him.

“Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about!"

And there it is. He cares about Cas. He feels like he failed Cas. And he hates to let down the ones he loves.

“I don’t need it.” “Dean, just look at it. Really look at it. {He shows Dean} See, it wasn’t that I was weak. I was stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me because I didn’t want to be saved.”

“I pulled away” is just insane, here. But, also, “I didn’t want to be saved”. What was it that Chuck said at the end of Season 5? That Dean didn’t want Cas to save him?

These two are so alike, and they just don’t see it. Always punishing themselves more than anyone else will ever punish them.

“What the hell are you talking about?” “It’s where I belonged. I needed to do penance after the things I did on earth and in heaven, I didn’t deserve to be out and I saw that clearly while I was there. I, I planned to stay all along. I just didn’t know how to tell you. You can’t save everyone, my friend. Though you try.”

There are tears in Dean’s eyes, and his lip starts to quiver. He’s upset. He’s heartbroken in a different way. He realizes how Cas punished himself.

Dean forgave him and wanted Cas to come with him, but Cas couldn’t forgive himself. That’s something else they share, now.

Everything Dean did in Hell… everything Cas did on Earth and in Heaven… they both have shame that digs so deep into who they are that they don’t think they deserve to be saved.

From “You can’t save everyone” to “You don’t think you deserve to be saved”.

They share this in a profound and horrible way that few other beings could. It’s another thread of connection between them that, oh, both would give anything for the other not to know such pain.

Dean clams up as soon as Sammy appears. All the vulnerability he was showing with Cas… it’s gone. And it’s not that Dean can’t be vulnerable with his brother, but that’s different. What he has with Cas is different from what he has with his brother.

Much as Dean tries to smash Cas into a “brother” box because it’s what he knows, we are to a point where their relationship is something else, and Dean doesn’t yet realize it.

“Just, uh, setting a few things straight.”

Because we’re not. What, that’s not what he said?

Dean looks to Cas and he’s still in that moment. He’s still there… he hasn’t released, yet, from what he just realized and saw.

“Yes, I’m with you. If that’s alright.”

Cas takes this right to Dean. He knows that Dean gets final say when it comes to him, and he knows that he just dropped a bombshell on his friend. So, he’s willing to do whatever Dean wants, here.

“It is, right? You two are good?” “Yeah.”

But Dean is pensive, still lost, still worried about Cas.

Look, we already know Heaven and Hell know about Destiel. Now Purgatory does, too, and I’m fairly certain Sammy here is in the know. I think the very last person to know is Dean, but that’s a story for much later in this Meta.

Also, this concludes Dean’s Season 8 Widower Arc. It gets worse every time he loses Cas, but this time is a tough one because he thinks he failed Cas.

He thinks he let him down. He thinks he left Cas in Purgatory despite all his best efforts. But the truth sets him free, to an extent.

S8E08 -

“What’s the word, Cas?” “It’s a shortened version of my name.”

Dean wags his head in the usual “Autistic Cas” moment way, and not the “Cas lost his marbles” way. It’s refreshing. It feels like we’re back.

“I mean what the word on the word. Any, uh, tablet chatter on Angel radio?” “Oh, I couldn’t say. I turned that off.” … “Why’d you flip the switch?” “Because it’s a direct link to Heaven, and I don’t want anything to do with that place. Not anymore.”

This is so heartbreaking. Cas is running from Heaven and staking his claim with the Winchesters. He wants to stay with them.

I mean, he literally said in Season 6 there were times he’d rather be on Earth with them rather than in Heaven. His allegiances and alliances have shifted so significantly.

“Wait, Cas. Cas. If you wanna play cowboys and bloodsuckers, that’s fine, but you’re gonna stick with us, okay? None of this zapping around crap. Capiche?” “Yeah, I capiche.”

Look, it’s another arc for Castiel, right? Later, we’ll see him hunt quite well on his own. But, he can’t start off an expert, especially with his learning curve with all things human.

At the hotel, the boys are working while Cas researches in his own way—watching cartoons. And, Castiel is sitting on a bed, again.

At this point, it just feels like an unnecessary middle finger, but it makes me laugh every time. Cas is gonna sit on the bed, damnit!

“I understand. The bird represents God and coyote is man endlessly chasing the divine yet never able to catch up to him. It’s hilarious.”

He plays it off, but we know he’s saying that because from Dean’s look, he’s not getting the message they’d hoped. Cas starts going through Dean’s bag, again, just looking at the various things.

And Dean never calls him on it. He never does. He just ignores it as the Angel explores and learns.

“Cas, you gonna book a room or what?” “No, I’ll stay here.” “Oh, okay, yeah. We’ll have a slumber party and braid Sam’s hair. Where are you gonna sleep?” “I don’t sleep.” “Okay, well I need my four hours so” “I’ll watch over you.” “That’s not gonna happen.”

Dean, you know that Castiel doesn’t sleep. You’re literally the one who mentioned it when he was Emmanuel, and when Cas was briefly human in Season 5 and you saw him sleeping, you and Sam discussed how Angels don’t sleep.

So, either this slipped past the writers or Dean conveniently forgot.

“Hey, can you lift this?”

Cas nearly rolls his eyes as he does, and Dean’s a little impressed, here, if he’s honest. Like, “My Angel is fit!” Am I right?

“Your father. Beautiful handwriting."

He is literally reading John Winchester’s journal. And Dean doesn’t seem surprised or whatever. He doesn’t seem to worry about boundaries with the Angel much, anymore, which is fascinating. There’s such a level of trust there.

Also, sitting on beds continues.

“How are you feeling Cas?” “I’m fine.” “Well, I just, I, I know that when I got puked out of purgatory it took me a few weeks to find my sea legs.”

Partly because you were mourning Cas, you big lug.

“I’m fine.” “Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy you’re back. I’m freaking thrilled. It’s just this whole mysterious resurrection thing. It always has one mother of a downside.”

Dean’s truly trying to watch out for Cas, here, for all of them. He knows that Cas is off because he knows Castiel well enough, now, to know what to look for. He honestly wants to help Cas while protecting them all from whatever other shoe might be about to drop.

{Cas closes the book and looks at him} “So, what do you want me to do?” “Maybe take a trip upstairs.” “To heaven?” “Yeah. Poke around. See if the God squad can’t tell us how you got out.” “No.” “Look man I hate those flying ass monkeys as much as you do but-” “Dean, I said no!”

It’s a rare moment of Castiel losing his cool in the midst of an otherwise non-confrontational conversation with Dean. And it’s definitely off.

So, Dean does the most human thing he can. He closes his laptop, walks away from work, and sits on the bed across from Cas, giving him his full attention.

This is such growth for Dean, here. He is investing in Cas. Not because of what Cas can do for him or help him with, but because he cares about Cas. We’ve crossed into a new state of being for them as a unit—one with mutual respect.

It was a long time coming, and it’s probably why some of their Season 8 scenes are among my favorite Destiel scenes ever, this one included.

“Talk to me.” “Dean, I-”

Cas sets down the journal, squares up with Dean so they’re facing one another, and finally looks him in the eye.

“When I was bad and I had all those things the leviathans writhing inside of me, I caused a lot of suffering on Earth, but I devastated heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind and I, I can’t go back.” “Cause if you do the angels will kill you.” “Because if I see what heaven’s become, what I… what I made of it, I’m afraid I might kill myself.”

For Cas to admit something like this is huge. He’s a being that’s been around since almost the beginning of time, but in addition to wanting to leave himself in a dimension where he was constantly hunted, he now is struggling with suicidal thoughts.

The impact of Cas’ words hit Dean just as Sam walks in. Dean tries to stay focused on Cas, but Cas is eager for the out and he gets up, breaking the moment.

“You go Invisible Girl and keep an eye on him, you hear me?”

This is fascinating to me, because Dean is essentially telling Cas to spy, the very thing he did that got him in trouble back in Season 6 and gave him away when he was working with Crowley.

It’s no longer touchy or concerning to Dean. It’s a skill Cas has that they are going to use… and rarely use, again.

“Cas, you get to ride shotgun. You done good.”

And, gosh, Cas wants that. He wants to be with Dean and Sam and keep going. But Naomi holds him back.

S8E10 -

“Damn it, Cas. How many times I gotta tell you, it’s just creepy.” "Dean, I need your help. The angel Samandriel, he’s been taken." … “So, who snatched Heaven’s most adorable angel?”

Are you trying to make Cas jealous, Dean? Also, I think it’s funny how Dean can never sleep through Cas watching him. Honestly, Cas wants Dean to wake so they can talk.

“Yes, which is why I need your help. It seems this is gonna involve, talking to people.” “Come on, Cas, I thought you were a hunter, now.” “Well, I thought so, too, but, it seems I lack a certain-“ “Skill? {slams porn shut} You saw nothing.”

Why the sudden embarrassment, Dean? Two seasons ago, Cas was watching porn in the hotel room and you were annoyed with him, but not embarrassed by it. I mean, you were the one to comment on his boner!

Cas politely looks away as Dean reopens the laptop. He quickly exits out of the porn and get to work.

But I find the shift in sex from a go-to joke or moment of levity to taboo between them fascinating.

Yes, I know I’m over-using that word. But I’m writing this Meta in between a bunch of real world ridiculousness, so I’m not gonna be too hard on me for ignoring the Thesaurus.

“All right. What am I looking for?”

PAUSE: This is huge. I mean, all of Season 6 Cas tried to tell them he was at war and they treated him like shit. Now, Cas comes with a need and Dean wants to help. That is growth.

“Hey, what do you say this doesn’t pan out we head back to that beer-and-bacon Happy Hour about a mile back, huh?”

Aww. Cas doesn’t eat, but Dean wants to, like, hang out and eat with him. That’s more growth!

“And I need both of you, as you say, to stow your crap. Can you do that?”

Forceful Cas is back! I love forceful Cas! Because sometimes he gets so puppy-eyed in later seasons that we forget he’s a badass warrior Angel.

“After killing so many, I need to save at least this one.”

He looks to Dean. Dean gets it, now, Cas’ mindset. And he was the one to meet Samandriel and know they were friends.

“Cas, go.”

Okay, mad creative use of the Angel Swoop, here. Instead of the camera swooping to reveal Cas, it swoops out with Dean’s outstretched hand to reveal the angels are gone. That’s some mighty neat directing, there!

Naomi orders Cas to kill Samandriel, his friend, and he does it almost without question. There’s no real hesitation. He echoes what Naomi tells him to say, but Dean and Sam both know something’s really wrong.

Also, him taking the body up to Heaven after saying he wanted nothing to do with Heaven a few episodes ago is wild. So, yeah, the Winchesters are right to wonder what the fuck is up with their friend.

It will be seven episodes before we see Cas, again. Seven episodes apart from him. Guest actor work is wild.

S8E13 -

“Anything from Cas?” “No, not, not a peep. Why, you?” “No, He’s, uh, he’s not answering.”

Dean’s the one to bring him up. After a year of chasing him down in Purgatory only to lose him at the last minute, he’s eager to keep an eye on the guy.

S8E14 -

“I’ll tell you what I do know. It’s that I’m gonna die with a gun in my hand. Cause that’s what I have waiting for me. That’s all I have waiting for me."

Ehh… you’ll have friends. Family. And an Angel waiting for you, my boy. But, that’s a while off, yet.

“I want you to get out. I want you to have a life, become a man of letters, whatever. You with a wife, and kids, and, and grandkids. Living til you’re fat and bald and chugging viagra. That’s my perfect ending and it’s the only one that I’m gonna get. So I’m gonna do these trials. I’m gonna do them alone, end of story. You’re staying here. I’m going out there.”

He doesn’t know how right he is about that future. I know including this isn’t very “Destiel” of me, but I think it’s important to see where Dean is mentally apart from Cas.

“I believe in you, Dean, so please, please, believe in me, too.”

Belief is powerful, and that’s something that this show really addresses over and over. It’s not about faith in any specific thing. It’s about faith in something and someone. And Dean’s faith is shakier than anyone’s in anything.

It’s just good to remember that every so often.

S8E16 -

“So, no word from Cas. Kevin’s taking his sweet little time. And you’re acting cagey.”

Again, Dean’s the one to bring up Cas. He’s thinking a lot about his Angel.

“Cas, you got your ears on? Listen, you know I am not one for praying. Cause in my books it’s, it’s the same as begging. But this is about Sam so I need you to hear me. We are going into this deal blind, and I don’t know what’s ahead. Or what it’s gonna bring for sam. Now he’s covering pretty good but I know that he is hurting and this one was supposed to be on me. So for all that we’ve been through, I’m asking you… you keep a lookout for my little brother, okay? {Looks for him} Where the hell are you, man?”

This is the most earnestly we’ve seen Dean pray to Cas. It’s heartbreakingly beautiful, but layered with trust and truth. He’s worried about his brother and he’s asking Castiel to be the one to take care of him, to watch out for him.

This is Dean’s mission in life—protect Sammy. And he’s asking Cas to join him in. I mean, that’s huge. Some people bring a new adult into their kid’s life, and I know that’s a big move of trust. I’ve lived it as that kid.

Dean is demonstrating that trust he still has in Cas despite his shady behavior this season. He believes Cas will do this for him… if only he’ll answer.

S8E17-

This opener is so fucking creepy and I love it. Castiel being conditioned to kill Dean Winchester. And it doesn’t take a handful or a dozen of dummies for Naomi to be satisfied with Castiel’s brainwashing.

No, as we pull out we see hundreds and hundreds of Dean Winchesters slain by Castiel’s hand. Over and over she taught him to murder him, to end him, to destroy him.

The path to Hell might be lined with good intentions, but the floors of Heaven are lined with dead bodies. Gee wiz!

“How about you answer some questions, first, like where the hell have you been?” “You heard me, didn’t you.” “You prayed to him? “Yes, I heard you.”

This hurts. Because prayer is a sign of faith, and to know that Cas heard him and didn't answer hurts like hell. And Dean should know!

“Well, he puts the ’ass’ in ’Cas’, huh?”

No. Dean. Because Castiel has one S in his name, but we’ll let it slide because that Angel’s in love with you enough not to correct you.

“He’s definitely off." “Off? He hasn’t been right since he got back from Purgatory and we will don’t know how he got out of there.” “I don’t know, Dean, if he’s so sketchy then why were you praying to him?” “You know I can hear you both. I am a celestial being.”

This is one thing that really makes me laugh, sometimes. I mean, there are times I think the show forgets Cas is a celestial being, too, but these two really underestimate him and his powers.

But, Dean is so right to be suspicious and worried. It just goes to show how much better he knows Cas, now. He can tell when Cas is himself and when something else is going on.

“You really think we can trust Meg-stiel.”

Also, don’t think I haven’t missed the hilarity of Ackles being the one chosen to deliver this line. The popularity of combining the names of characters to form ship names originated with Soap Operas, and our dear Texas prince, here, was quite the Soap star back in the day. So, that gave me an extra giggle.

“You haven’t been fine since the first trial. That’s why I called Cas.” … “Dean, I’m telling you, I’m okay.” “No, you’re not. Sam… you’re damaged in ways even I can’t heal. Dean’s right. You should stay here and protect Meg.”

And I’m one of those who thinks Cas did have a genuine connection with Meg. Now, we all know he’s doing this mostly because Naomi wants to keep Cas close to the tablet, no matter what. But I don’t mind Meg-stiel.

It’s not my Ship, but it’s a good ship. And the brief stint of Meg and Dean sharing Cas will forever make me smile.

“I can’t let you take that, Dean.” “Can’t? Or won’t?” “Both.” “How did you get out of Purgatory, Cas?”

Dean sees an opportunity, and he’s leaping for it. He’s going to use the leverage he thinks he has to get answers, damnit.

BACK IN HEAVEN: There has to be another way., You have done this a thousand times, Castiel. You’re ready. Kill him. Then take the tablet and bring it home where it belongs.

"Just tell me how you got out of purgatory. Be honest with me. For the first time since you’ve been back, and this is yours. ... Cas. Cas, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but if you’re I there and you can hear me, you don’t have to do this. Cas!"

BACK IN HEAVEN: This isn’t right. … I won’t hurt Dean., Yes, you will. You are.

“Cas, fight this. This is not you. Fight it!”

This strikes me so hard. Dean is fully aware that this is not Cas, that Cas would never do this. Yes, Cas beat the shit out of him in Season 6, but there was a reason behind that that Dean understood.

This blind abuse without emotion? That’s not Cas.

Cas feels. He has too much heart. This is passionless, emotionless, and very much like a Terminator executing a kill order.

And Dean believes Cas can fight this. That’s what strikes me about Season 8—Dean has such faith in Cas.

BACK IN HEAVEN: {Cas is holding his head. This is killing him.} “What have you done to me?” “Just relax, Castiel, let your vessel do what you know deep down is the right thing.”

This strikes me, taking me back to Dean whipping Cas around in that Burger & Beer room back in Season 4, saying that the angel knew the difference between right and wrong.

Naomi has no idea how deep Dean is in Castiel’s veins, in his mind, in the Angelic equivalent of a heart. His protests begin to bleed out, the connection wearing thinner as he starts to speak aloud on Earth.

“What have you done to me, Naomi?” “Who’s Naomi?”

Dean was right. Something is wrong, and he can see Cas fighting it. He’s doing it. He’s trying to fucking fight, which is what Dean always asks Cas to do.

BACK IN HEAVEN: “What have I done to you? Do you have any idea what it’s like out there. There’s blood everywhere and it’s on your hands. After everything you did to us, to heaven, I fixed you, Castiel. I fixed you.”

Season 7 Castiel lamented that he couldn’t “fix” things. Season 6 Castiel “fixed” what he could by saving Lisa. Season 8 Castiel was “fixed” by Naomi. It comes back around and around, again, but so much is still broken.

“You want it? Take it. But you’re gonna have to kill me first. Come on, you coward. Do it. Do it!”

This harkens back to the fight in Season 5 when Dean was bloodied on the ground in the alley. He told Castiel to finish it off, and that is when Castiel stopped before. He stopped before when Dean goaded him, encouraged him, egged him on.

Will it be enough this time?

BACK IN HEAVEN: “Please." “End this Castiel.”

He pleads for mercy. He begs.

On Earth, Dean reaches for Cas free hand, grabbing his arm. Castiel doesn’t shrug it off. He’s in a trance, but you can tell he’s still aware of Dean. Dean knows it, too.

So Dean tries what he can to break through.

“Cas, this isn’t you. This isn’t you. Cas. Cas.”

Cas raises his weapon to deliver a final blow, but he pauses. He stalls. His arm hovers in the air, somewhere between the connection.

“I know you’re in there. I know you can hear me. Cas. It’s me. We’re family. We need you. I need you.”

The last time he said this was in Purgatory, and oh how it nearly destroyed Cas then. Because Cas knows by now that he needs Dean. But here, it’s somehow even more personal.

Because Dean starts with the bigger picture and brings it smaller. He starts with “we”—me and Sammy. But then, it becomes more intimate.

It’s about you and me, Cas. It’s about us. I need you.

BACK IN HEAVEN: “You have to choose, Castiel. Us or them.”

That’s all it takes for Cas to know his choice. Despite the connection still being open, the weapon tumbles from his hand. He releases Dean, and the wounded human falls back as Cas reaches for the tablet.

The second he connects with the tablet, something Angelic happens, and the thinning connection snaps.

Because the tightly braided cord between him and Dean is strong and resilient. When asked to choose between the two, there wasn’t a chance in Hell he was choosing Heaven.

Dean’s love for Cas broke through. Now, is it romantic love at this point? I don’t know that I’d call it that, personally. But it is love.

Cas realizes what he’s done to Dean, and rather than wave a hand over his face or touch a finger to his forehead, Cas reaches out with his open hand to cup Dean’s face. It’s intimate. It’s personal. It’s purposeful.

There’s healing in the touch, of course, but there’s also love. And for Cas… yes, yes I think he’s at least beginning to realize the depths of his love for Dean Winchester.

Dean’s fear before the healing sets in is palpable, his voice breaking as he repeats Cas’ name. He grips Cas’ sleeve in anticipation of the pain, then his fingers falter as the restoration settles over him, instead.

“I’m so sorry, Dean.” “What the hell just happened?”

Yeah, yeah. You’re about to get an earful, my friend.

“So this Naomi has been controlling you since she got you out of Purgatory.” “Yeah.” “Well, what broke the connection?”

The tablet finished the job, but the connection was already breaking. Because of love. Dean Winchester’s love for Cas broke through. Again, I don’t think it’s romantic on his end, yet, but for Castiel, that shift has been in motion for a while.

So, when Dean speaks honestly for love, it connected with the love in Cas for him. It was strong enough to send the weapon tumbling from his hands, to allow our Cas to break through enough to quirk an eyebrow of curiosity as he reached for the tablet.

The subtlety in that little bit of performing is phenomenal because I had to really look to be sure I wasn't imaging it. The tablet set him free, yes, but I fully believe it was only because the link to Naomi was already fraying and failing because of Dean.

“So, what happened? I mean, Cas touched the tablet and it reset to him his factory settings or something?” “I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is that he is off the reservation with a, a heavenly WMD. Listen, man, I can’t take anymore lies from anyone.”

Oh, Dean. He wasn’t trying to lie this time. He was literally lobotomized and he told you so.

Maybe you’ll give him a little more grace on this one because, y’know, he was programmed to fucking kill you and your love for him broke through enough to stop him.

On another note: "Goodbye Stranger" is such a fucking banger. Yes, I know it came out before I was born (1984), but my mother hated the music of the 80’s and 90’s so I grew up on 50’s-70’s music.

Like, I was sitting here singing along at the end. I'm so ridiculous—a walking musical jukebox of a human.

S8E18 -

“I’m fine. Are you okay?” “Me?” “Yeah, Cas dinged you up pretty good.” “And? “And I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” “What, like my feelings?” “If that’s what you want to talk about, sure.”

Sam meant his feelings the whole time. Dean’s had the shit beat out of him by Cas before, but this is different. Dean knew something was off about Cas, and he was right.

In the end, Cas took off. And, no, Dean doesn’t understand everything that Cas has been through. But, to be fair, Cas hasn’t exactly clued Dean in on much beyond that brief conversation.

Cas and Dean fight and it fucks with Dean, and Sam knows that. He's trying to give his brother space to talk it out and feel what he’s feeling, but Dean’s so damn repressed he deflects to some bullshit and Sam understandably gives up.

S8E19 -

“See, I don’t trust angels, which means I don’t trust you.” “And yet you haven’t warded this place against us.”

Damn. HBIC out here spitting truth.

But I completely understand how Dean has one Angel—one—that he trusts. Even despite all this bullshit right now, he is still trusting in Cas enough to leave the door open to him.

I only wish Cas knew that. Yes, Castiel is doing what he can to protect the tablet. But, he's gotta learn at some point that it’s better when he works with the Winchester boys.

Yes, I know this is a huge character flaw of both Dean and Cas. They both think they know what's best, go off half-cocked and do make some asinine deal or decision, then spend half a season mad the other one was the one to fuck up this time and not them.

"I know. You’re hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way.”

You fucker. Look at the pain on Dean’s face. He doesn’t want Cas to let him down. He wants Cas to come back and explain himself and let them help.

“I know you don’t want to believe it, Dean, but we’re on the same side, shutting the gates of hell, bringing Castiel in from the cold. Take a moment. Think about what I’ve said.”

And here she is planting the seeds of her own destruction.

Everything she has done to Cas has been wrong, so it’s no wonder he’s later duped by Metatron into trying once again to “fix” things.

Again, consistent character flaw. But, it's so refreshing when Cas at last steps away from Heaven and lets them fuck things up on their own without him, for a change.

S8E20 -

“What about, uh, Castiel? He seems helpful and dreamy.”

We know Cas isn’t Charlie’s type, but she still calls him “dreamy”, so whose type is he? Yes, we all know it’s Dean.

And, side note, autocorrect tried to change the above to “whose top is he” and I very nearly left it in.

Just so you know, Autocorrect knows what's up with Destiel and it ain’t platonic or brotherly!

S8E21 -

I’m innocently watching the screen and a name flashes up. Directed by Robert Duncan McNeil!?! One of my favorite television directors of all time!?

No, I am not kidding. He has a certain style to his directing that allows the camera to become a character in this really beautiful way.

I caught a Chuck episode years back and told Matt it felt like it was directed by Robert Duncan McNeil. Looked it up later to find out I was right.

Anyway, I absolutely adore Castiel’s intelligence and how he evades the Angels. One of the things we forget about Cas too often is that he is incredibly intelligent.

It’s something the Winchesters don’t really appreciate because it rarely helps them. But in this scenario, Castiel’s intellect is helping him evade the evil. At least, until they figure out what will make him stop—that big damn heart of his.

“How many times have you torn into my head and washed it clean?” “Frankly, too damn many. You’re the famous spanner in the works. Honestly, I think you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you were told, not completely. You don’t even die right, do you?”

Our Angel is the only one like him. No wonder he fell in love with one of Chuck’s favorite human siblings. Dean and Sam do things differently, which is why Chuck has so much fun with them.

And he has to keep bringing back the Angel because he thinks it’ll help keep Dean on the path he’s writing for him. But I like knowing Cas is our Cas just as Dean is our Dean.

In all the Universes, none are like them. And they found each other.

“In the words of a… good friend, Bite me.”

Holy shit this whole thing is a mood. I mean, the pause is killing me. The eyebrow raise is killing me. The emphasis on “good friend” is killing me.

Collins, you know I’d like to live, right!? Because, you are killing me, here.

I mean, the most famous gay eyebrow raises may be Michael Sheen as Aziraphale in Series 2 of Good Omens, but this might be second in line because gee wiz that was insane!

Also, Cas hid the thing inside himself!? Yo, I’m having a real Fifth Element moment, here.

Then, Castiel literally pulls a bullet from his stomach and uses it to kill a fellow Angel.

There are times we forget how badass Cas can be. Yes, he’s good for a side-eye with his lack of Pop Culture knowledge, but he’s also a warrior Angel who’s intelligent and cunning and resourceful.

Later, Dean’s driving. And he knows before he stops who he’s spied in the road.

S8E22 -

In the bunker, Cas tries to be conversational, but Dean is pissed. He’s more pissed than he was during the whole Godstiel thing.

Because as Dean’s feelings deepen, so does the impact of Cas letting him down.

“Dean, I can go with you. Dean, I’m sorry.”

Dean finally looks to Cas.

“For what?” “For everything.” “Everything. Like, uh, like ignoring us?” “Yes.” “Or like bolting off with the angel tablet and losing it ’cause you didn’t trust me? You didn’t trust me., Yes., Yeah. Nah that’s not gonna cut it. Not this time. So you can take your little apology and you can cram it up your ass.”

Oh, yeah, Dean is real mad. But he is also hurt. I mean, look at his face. His words are mean and tough, but he’s got tears in his eyes and there’s so much pain there.

After everything they have been through. After how hard he fought to save Cas in Purgatory. After all of that, Cas didn’t trust him. Damn.

“Dean, I thought I was doing the right thing.” “Yeah, you always do.”

The dramatic push-ins on this very personal conversation are interrupted by Sam clearing his throat. And, seriously, it feels like he’s in the middle of a couple’s spat and wants out.

“Dude, go easy on Cas, okay, he’s one of the good guys.” “Dude, if anybody else, I mean anybody pulled that kind of crap I would stab them in their neck on principle. Why should I give him a free pass?” “Because it’s Cas.”

First off, those are a lot of “Dudes” in one exchange. But, also, we’re still in a phase where Sam is more attached to friends, in general, than Dean, so he’s the one going to bat for Cas, here.

Meanwhile, Cas goes shopping for Dean because he wants to do something for him. He can’t fix it, so he’s going to try to do something in its stead.

Gosh, this is reminding me of my husband, again. I’m Dean—and it should probably terrify me that I have so much in common with the traumatized, abused, anger-management-issues-on-steroids guy, but here we are—and Matthew is Cas. He’ll always try to do something for me when he can’t fix whatever is wrong in my life.

S8E23 -

“Dean, I need your help.” “I’m a little busy, Cas. Take a number.” “I’m afraid this can’t wait. Naomi has taken Metatron.” “And you know Metatron how?” “I’ve been working with him on the Angel Trials.”

Okay, here’s the thing. Mad as Dean has been at Cas, Castiel levels with him here and brings him up to speed.

“I can’t fail, Dean, not on this one. I need your help.” “Look, Cas, that’s all well and good, but you’re asking me to leave Sam… Now if anyone needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting, it’s Sam.”

And that’s all you need to know. Sammy will always come first for Dean. But, at the same time, he doesn’t seem as angry now that Dean has laid it all out.

Before, he was angry at Cas for not coming to him, for not trusting him. Welp, you got what you asked for, Dean. He’s here, and he’s asking for your help.

“You really think it’s wise to be drinking on the job?”

I love how Dean wordlessly passes the beer to Cas. There’s a lot less tension here than earlier. I think Cas finally coming to Dean and asking for help got through.

“What show have you been watching? Talk to me.”

I love this coming back. He’s reaching for Cas and waiting for Cas to reach back. It’s tugging at the cord between them to get a response, and even if neither realizes it, it strengthens the bond each time the other demonstrates trust.

"Are you sure about this? I mean, it’s one thing me and Sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you, you’re boarding up heaven. And you’re locking the door behind you.” “Yeah, I know.”

Cas sips the beer. It’s the motion that is so human, because we know the alcohol itself will have little impact on him, and probably doesn’t even taste the same to him as a human.

But, they’re falling into a rhythm that will later become quite familiar. It’s refreshing after the stress of most of the season.

And, to be clear, I’m not against conflict and antagonism and miscommunications. A show would be dead without it. Nothing would ever happen and we’d all just be watching sheep graze for hours on end.

But I think a lot of shows lose sight of the importance of taking a breath every now and again. Yes, we’re fighting for something and it’s brutal and it’s exhausting and it’s stressful.

But you have to stop to breathe every so often to remind us why we’re fighting and what we’re fighting for.

We’re fighting for those kids on the swing sets that Dean and Cas watched together at the park in Season 4. We’re fighting for families and friends. We’re fighting for nights out drinking with the besties and movie nights cuddling with your special someone.

That is what we’re fighting for.

“You did a lot of damage up there, man. You think they’re just gonna let that slide.” "Do you mean, do I think they’ll kill me? Yeah, they might.” “So, this is it. E.T. Goes home.”

It strikes me how different this is from their last “last night” together. They’re in a different place, now, and Dean’s done trying to get Cas laid. Instead, they’re sitting quietly together waiting for their next move.

Another thing that strikes me is how adoringly Dean looks to Cas on that last line, only to realize his reference is, once again, not understood. It’s a blink-and-you-miss-it thing that I very well may have hallucinated. But, it’s there.

Later, Naomi corners Cas and Dean. And if she hadn’t been such a fucking bitch all season, she might have gotten through to Cas. It strikes me how Cas goes to attack Naomi, and Dean grabs his arm.

We all know Cas is strong enough to shrug Dean’s hold off with ease. But, he lets Dean stop him. Because he does trust him.

But it’s not enough. Metatron wins in the end.

Survive all that and still want more? Part III for your enjoyment! Thanks for reading!!

[cherriies-snake]

But I like it!! ⋆˚꩜｡

PAIRING : Sam Monroe x Curly/Wayvy!reader

WORDS : 1.1 k.

WARNINGS : Reader insecure about her hair.

“Sunshine, do you believe in love at first curl? cause I’m hooked. Now, Sam truly believes that angels have curly hair."

Sam Monroe is your best friend, so it was no surprise that he was always at your house. Clearly, today wasn't the exception. You both had developed a strong bond since you had been friends since preschool.

Who would have thought that sharing half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the kid who forgot his lunch would be a great way to start a wonderful and unbreakable friendship?

Obviously, if you ask Sam, he wouldn't have any problem with breaking the friendship, you know, in that way.

You had just gotten out of the shower, so you were sitting at the vanity in your room, about to struggle to make your hair look decent for once in your life, without looking like one of those clowns that wear a giant rainbow wig.

All the products you always used to define your hair were scattered across the surface of the vanity, brushes, creams, mousse, gel, and even serum. All the products were open and kind of spilling from use since everything always ended up in a sticky mess, and you were too lazy to clean it up.

"Why do you have so much stuff for your hair? Looks like you're scared of going bald."

Sam asked with a smug smile from the comfort of your bed, which was something adorable to watch from your perspective because his black clothes made a huge contrast with your pastel colored sheets, not to mention your army of stuffed animals.

(Where there was also a cute Rilakkuma plushie that Sam had given you for your birthday.)

"You're also at a good age to avoid the receding hairline you might inherit."

You replied with the same sarcasm he always used with you, and you could see how his smug expression turned into a look of pure horror and panic as he dramatically ran his hands through his hair, looking for any possible bald spot.

"Don't ever mention that shit again, I don't want to have nightmares about bald patches on my head."

Hearing his comment, you couldn't help but laugh out loud. Oh, you would definitely remind him about it for the rest of his life.

"There are other alternatives, don't worry, you can always wear a wig, Sammy!"

He immediately rolled his eyes in response as he sat on the edge of your bed to watch better what you were doing.

"But seriously, what’s all that crap for? I never see you using all that."

He asked curiously from his new position.

He was right, you almost never defined your hair unless it was for an important occasion or something like that because you found your curls very annoying to manage.

This time was no different because Sam had told you that tomorrow both of you were going to take a walk on the beach and eat an ice cream, so you wanted your hair to look nice and not like you had just woken up.

Usually, you always styled your hair somehow without leaving it loose, that’s why you always ended up with a messy bun on your head and some loose strands, because you had the idea that when you wore your hair down, you looked like a walking bird’s nest.

"They're to define my curls."

You explained in simple words so he could understand, but you failed because Sam had a completely confused face.

"I mean, all these things help my hair look nice."

He simply nodded when he understood your point.

You started to divide your hair into small sections with clips, then you applied cream and gel and used the brush in a way that your curls formed naturally.

"Why do you almost never wear your hair down? Your messy buns don't look bad, but your loose curls are prettier."

Sam broke the silence with that comment, and he could feel how his ears and entire face turned red and heated instantly.

"Thanks Sam, that was something sweet to hear. The truth is, I don’t think I’ve fully accepted my hair yet, you know?"

Your relationship with your hair had always been complicated because you were coming out of a curl transition after years of chemical straightening in a desperate attempt to boost your self-esteem, but that just destroyed your hair.

However, now you were at an intermediate point about how you felt about your curls. It was more of a love-hate relationship.

It didn't help either that during those years, you had dated a boy that, under your spell of being in love, you thought was the one.

But Sam had never liked him for various reasons, but you always thought he was just being dramatic and jealous because you were spending less time with him.

But when your curls started showing again, that boy began to grow distant little by little and finally stopped talking to you, but not before saying a hurtful comment that stayed burned in your memory:

"You looked cleaner and prettier with straight hair, now it's like I'm dating a damn bird's nest."

When you told Sam what he said, it was like a pressure cooker exploded, his blood boiled completely. How could someone dare say such a thing to HIS GIRL? Okay, you weren't his yet, but you would be.

You literally had to stop him and beg him not to go and punch that guy.

"If you ask me, I like your hair the way it is. I mean, you basically look like an angel fallen from heaven."

Hearing his words, your cheeks instantly turned a deep crimson pink. Whenever Sam gave you a compliment, you could feel little butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You always tried to convince yourself it was because you weren't used to the compliments he gave you.

But deep down, you knew it was because feelings for him had bloomed inside your heart.

You just gave him a warm, submissive look because, as always, words seemed to get stuck in your throat.

You both stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, looking at each other. Words weren't necessary at that moment, your gazes were more than enough to speak for both.

You slightly lowered your gaze to his lips they looked fluffy like a freshly sponge cake and pink like melting cotton candy, so fucking kissable. You thought.

And as if Sam could read your desires, finally leaving his fears behind, he lunged at you, pulling you closer and pressing his lips to yours in a soft and warm kiss.

The kiss was full of passion, but without becoming sexual, it was simply your souls melting together in a kiss you both had been waiting for a long time.

After slowly pulling apart, gasping slightly for air, your foreheads rested together, and you both laughed warmly.

"I'm crazy about you, dumbass."

Sam finally said with a slightly nervous laugh.

"Me too, Sammy."

Who would have thought, after ignoring and bottling up the feelings you had developed for each other over the years, you finally confessed, starting a new stage together.

OMG, I FINALLY REACHED THE 1000 WORDS!!! CONGRATS TO ME 🥹🫶🏻

All of u are invited to a party 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I love Sam with all my fucking heart man <3

TAGLIST: @anakinstwinklebunny @bxbyysstuff @sinisterminist3r

[520cafe]

sour grapes. matching keychains

you and dan heng decided to arrive at the very same cafe where march and the others simultaneously ditched you both as an attempt to unfold the rocky and complicated relationship that you shared with dan heng but, you both were also playing mind games just to avoid talking about a certain topic: the current state of the relationship.

"since when did you drink lattes, dan heng?"

after a successful somewhat awkward-free trip to the cafe, dan heng offered to walk you back to your dorm. stalling, you both stood outside your dorm and you ultimately decided that you were not ready to face kafka in a humiliating spotlight for forgetting the room keys.

"not sure, i’ve started drinking them for a while now."

"they're good aren't they? i've only ever seen you drink black coffee."

dan heng could not help but to send you a small smile; it was faint but still possessed some form of tenderness towards you. the fact that you still remember his preferences and habits felt as if red chrysanthemums were blooming inside his heart. little did you know, lattes reminded dan heng of you.

"hey.. maybe i could teach you how to make lattes some day?"

wait.. why did i ask that? there was a slight hesitation in your voice but it was all brushed away by dan heng when his only thoughts were filled with surprise that he has an opportunity to spend more time with you, alone.

“i would like that, [name]."

again, it was the way your name rolled perfectly off his voice that made you feel nervous. it gave you a mixed sensation of fluster but also uncertainty. why did i feel this way?

before you could respond, you were suddenly met with dan heng's cold touch delicately holding your hand as if it was a piece of glass. however, that touch felt as if there an electric shock in the short moment where your hands were together. slightly jolting, you looked at him with wide eyes until you felt him place another cold object on the palm on your hands.

looking at the object on your hand, you could only feel further astonishment as your lips slightly parted. the object that dan heng placed on your hand was a small white cat keychain that was attached to a spare set of keys to dan heng’s dorm. that white keychain used to be yours during your past relationship with dan heng and dan heng held the black cat keychain that was matching with yours.

when you looked up from your hand, it was only then you realised that dan heng already left. as you looked at the small keychain that was surprisingly neatly-kept, it felt as if the bittersweet memories started to flood your mind like a never-ending string of polaroids. then, you internally face palmed yourself at your sudden realisation. did i seriously just invite my ex for more one-on-one alone time? it was as if your heart had a mind of its own and was controlling your every action.

and that rolling snowball of conflicting emotions only grew bigger.

🍇 SOUR GRAPES 〈 13 matching keychains

━━ MASTERLIST. ╱ PREV. ╱ NEXT.

╰► SYNOPSIS. after being in the same tight-knit friend group for over a few months now, suspicions begin to rise when march, seele and bronya start to notice the awkward tensions between you and dan heng. little did they know, you and dan heng were once high-school sweethearts who shared a romantic and fairytale-like past where the pages only lasted for a year. this heartbreak led you to meet another unfortunate victim of cupid but that chapter flew away as quick as stardust. yet, it appears that you two were also destined to cross paths once more.

╰► [ a/n ] : YES DAN HENG IS A BEABADOOBEE LISTENER WHAT ABOUT IT also last written chapter for act one yipeee ‼️ANDDD act one is ending very soon with only 2 more chapters left 🤭

━━ TAGLIST. @lauvwar-r @sunsethw4 @shizu-c @amyena @zephestia @loudeggbananaranch @lunavixia @twistedrxses @shinjuuz @danhenglovebot @flos-veritatis @sammy-hammy @kiwidoves @aeongiies @heartswonder @lilactaro @lunnaeclipse @m1lley0ns @hansel-the-pierrot @astro-pioneer @aquatikk @obervation-subject-753 @vellichxrr6782 @rubberduckieyourtheone @viovya @stayriki @ceylestia @starryeyedkoko @theflameofyoursoul @kalims @liminalimmortal