#my reaction to most things nowadays is fuck you

[emilbh]

fuck you uni i want to celebrate eid not write essays

[nexus-nebulae]

love watching weather science videos but like. why am i 1000x more interested in tornadoes over hurricanes. they're both spinning air

[silverislander]

i know my anxiety is irrational and comprised of previous negative experiences instead of an accurate prediction of the future bc it still tries to make me feel bad about objectively funny things that no longer even align with my morals as a person

[hoodoo12]

Sweltering

First and foremost, fuck this heat. I've always preferred colder to warmer, and nowadays the summer is just a hellscape. Therefore, a story.

It's too hot outside, and The Ghost with the Most thinks he has a way to cool you down. NSFW.

It was stupid hot. Inside with no air conditioning was worse, so you were out on the patio in your backyard in nothing more than the thinnest tank top you owned and underwear. You’d brought a fan that was specifically labeled “for indoor use only!” out, plugged in by multiple extension cords that also said to only use them indoors, and had it going full blast right at your body.

You were sweating through what little clothing you had on. Your brain felt melted. The ice cream sandwich you thought would help cool you down did nothing.

Without warning or fanfare, Beetlejuice appeared at your side.

You hadn’t called him. You just never re-said his name after the last time you’d summoned him, and now this was the arrangement. He just came and went how he pleased, like a tom cat. You hoped he didn’t fuck around like an unneutered cat, but you were also realistic. There was never any label to the thing you had with him, although there was something to be said in that he kept returning.

“Jesus! You’re wearing that suit? It’s over 95 degrees out here!” you complained at him. Then you took a lick around the edge of the ice cream, because it was melting faster than your brain.

The ghost looked down over himself.

“Well fuckin' good day to you too,” he grumbled. “And what’s wrong with my suit?”

“I already said it was so damn hot! How can you wear that in this heat?!”

He rolled his eyes. “Because I’m a dead guy, sweetcheeks. I don’t feel the heat. I don’t feel the cold. It’s all the same to me.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, in both disbelief and a titch of jealousy. “Must be nice.”

He shrugged. “I suppose. If you mean not feeling much of anything.”

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes. “You don’t feel much of anything? Then why’re you sporting a boner behind your fly?”

Instead of being embarrassed, a reaction that would have surprised you, he rubbed his palm over his crotch as he leered down at you. “My dick’s hard because you’re laying in front of me basically nude, baby, with sticky white stuff dripping all over your hand.”

Your ice cream! In the seconds you’d forgotten about it, it melted just as he said, leaving trails down your hand and wrist. With an inarticulate cry of surprised dismay, you immediately started to lick the mess off your hand, mostly managing to smear wet sugar over your skin instead of actually removing it.

“You know, I’ve got something just as chilly that’d fit in your mouth.”

Your tongue still in your palm, you flicked a glance at him. You’d expect nothing less from the ghost watching what you were doing with keen, hungry interest. Beetlejuice hadn’t stopped rubbing himself through his trousers and you saw him give himself a squeeze that was none to gentle.

“Oh?” you replied innocently. “You think something like that’d cool me down?”

“Fuckin’ heat you up, more like,” he growled. “I know how much you like suckin’ my cock.”

This hadn’t been on your agenda today, but his unexpected arrival did make you think dirty thoughts. Shoving the remaining bite of the ice cream sandwich into your mouth, you gave up trying to clean off your hand and spun in the lounge chair so he was between your legs. Looking up at him, you grinned even as you reached for the button and zipper on his trousers.

As your fingers undid the fastenings, you said, “This is all for me then, huh? Sucking you off is all for me, because you don’t feel much of anything?”

You dug into the front of his pants--he never wore underwear, so you didn’t have to contend with that barrier--and eased his cock out. Grub-pale and heavy in your hand, it did have a distinct chill that wasn’t unpleasant in this blasted heat.

Beetlejuice looked down at you with half-lidded eyes, drawing a thumb over his lower lip. “I think you know the answer to that, babydoll. Now you just gonna sit there? That sandworm isn’t gonna suck itself.”

Even as you rolled your eyes again that he called his dick a sandworm, you obediently opened your mouth and he rocked his hips. Because you were holding him by the base of his cock, it was the perfect position to slip between your lips and onto your tongue. You loosened your jaw; you knew he tended to pop himself forward once in your mouth and--

Beetlejuice thrust, his cock filling your mouth almost to your throat.

--yep, there it was.

The second he was encased in your mouth, you sucked him hard.

He groaned. A hand went to the back of your head and fingers entangled into your hair. You gave him a few sucking strokes, and on one of the outward pulls, he yanked back a little so your face tilted backward.

“Look up at me,” he ordered.

You barely contained another eye roll. Instead, you concentrated on doing as he asked, keeping your eyes trained upward as best you could bobbing on his cock. Along with the movement, you alternated swirling your tongue around him and applying heavy solid suction. He’d been correct; his cock was chilly in your mouth, although not quite as cold as the ice cream had been and nowhere near as tasty.

The ghost continued to groan and now gasp at each sensation you wrung from him. He tipped his head back, and you saw his throat work as he swallowed.

Without warning, you pulled off him. He gasped again, for a different reason, and dropped his gaze back to you. His mouth was open and he looked a little stuporous, as well as surprised.

“Look at me,” you ordered him.

He swallowed again and nodded quickly. You quirked an eyebrow at him as if to silently say he better not forget to keep his eyes trained downward. Then, keeping your eyes locked on his, you went back to work with even more vigor.

There was a little more intimacy, with direct eye contact. As much intimacy as sitting outside in basically nothing, sucking a basically fully clothed ghost’s cock could be. You laughed as best you could with that cock down your throat at what you must look like and what the neighbors would think if they happened to see you. Beetlejuice continued to moan and tightened his hand in your hair, as if he thought you were laughing at him. His hips rocked forward to shove himself in a little deeper.

The head of his cock choked off your air supply and cut your chuckle short. Now it was his turn to cock an eyebrow at you, daring you to say something or stop. Without taking your mouth off him you narrowed your eyes and worked him even harder.

You sucked, your swirled, you didn’t swallow any of the thick spit blowing him built up in your mouth. It ran out of your mouth and soaked your chin and neck; when you deep throated him it drenched his rat’s nest of pubic hair and trousers. Pulling back after keeping him fully inside you raised your eyes again. He locked eyes with yours even as drool beaded on his own lower lip. It became too heavy to remain there, and a thin droplet of it fell.

He licked his lip then. “Your fuckin’ mouth baby,” he muttered.

“Uh-huh,” you were able to reply, since that was easier than actual words. He seemed to want to choke out some words, however, so you slowed.

“Told you it was better, didn’t I?” he reminded you. “Nice isn’t it, something that’s cold in that hot mouth of yours that doesn’t melt right away? Fuck, baby, you gonna edge me so you can keep going? You gonna want to keep my cock in your mouth as long as possible--”

That was exactly what you didn’t want. Already his babbling grated on your nerves, like he was the one in charge here. You took him as deep as possible again, with your nose pressed into the wet hair over his pubic bone. Beetlejuice interrupted himself with an open-mouthed groan. You’d have smiled at the power you had over him, but that would break the suction.

Keeping his cock exactly where it was, you used your tongue to press it up against your hard palate for some variety in sensation and paused a second to breathe through your nose. You couldn’t tilt your head up enough to look him in the face again, but from the now involuntary jerks his body gave and the rhythmic tightening of his fingers in your hair, you didn’t need to see his expression to know that he was damn close to blowing his load down your throat.

As if on cue, he rasped, “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come--”

You left off the heavy suction for a second.

“Down your throat or on your skin, baby?”

His come would have a distinctly different taste in the back of your throat than the ice cream you’d eaten, so you answered him by releasing him and pulling back a bit. You caught his eyes again, dark even in the sunlight, and grinned up at him. His hand left your hair and went to his own cock.

Beetlejuice gave a slightly different groan at seeing you displayed in front of him. His hand stroked his length easily due to the amount of spit you’d laved him with. You gathered some of the spit that had dripped to your chest and smeared it, making yourself shiny. With the breeze from the fan, your nipples peaked. The grin didn’t leave your face.

The ghost jerked himself off, and broke the rule about keeping eye contact with you. His eyes were riveted to your chest. That was okay; you couldn’t help watching his cock disappear and reappear in his own hand, his pace increasing the closer he got to finishing. When he leaned over and used your shoulder for balance, you knew his end was inevitable.

He squeezed the head of his cock between his thumb and forefinger, then gave another frantic jerk and cried out as he came. Thick, off-white come spurted onto your upper chest, and it was just as chilly as his cock had been. You gasped as it painted you, and you couldn’t help taking one hand to smear it thinly over your skin. It was only slightly less tacky than the ice cream that had melted earlier. His nails dug into your shoulder, and you shrugged it to remind him that you were still a breather and didn’t really appreciate the pain.

Once his cock stopped pulsing and the last of his ejaculate dribbled out, he blew his breath out like he’d run a marathon.

The spunk you’d smeared was even cooler when the air from the fan hit it. You knew the sensation wouldn’t last long, but it was nice for the moment.

“You’re pretty hot, baby,” Beetlejuice complimented.

You gave him a look. “Yeah. I know. That’s the whole problem.”

He smirked and took your upper arm, hauling you to your feet.

“Why don’t I try to cool you down--now gimme a chance to explain, baby!” he said over your attempt to interrupt him. “My entire body is just as chilly as my dick, sweetheart, so me laying on top of you or you laying on top of me is gonna help. And when I say my entire body, I mean my tongue too, so just imagine what that’ll feel like tickling up between your legs. Cool you down from the inside out.”

When he put it that way . . .

Beetlejuice grinned as your expression softened into compliance.

“Come on baby,” he continued. “Let’s get inside where I can really concentrate. Unless you wanna continue to give the neighbors a free show?”

“What?!” you squawked, scrambling for your bra to cover yourself.

He laughed and didn’t let you grab it, pulling you along with him into the house and up to your bedroom. As far as a sweltering day went, at least a corpse-cold lover helped make it better.

fin!

[ma1dita]

liar, liar

part two cn be found here-> truth be told

words: little under 2k

summary: sirius black is a good liar. spot how many times sirius lies in this fic.

warnings: slight nondescript smut!! errr cursing & another self-deprecating marauder, mostly unrequited love/being led on, sirius’s trauma response, fem!reader is too good for sirius, fem!reader has ‘i can fix him’ complex

a/n: guys… i thought of this prompt and the necklace Alex Russo wore in WoWP and suddenly, complex by katie gregson-macleod started playing so…sorry if this gets sadder.

(posted 9/8/23 & edited 11/6/23)

—

At the very core of him, Sirius Black is a liar. 

It’s not directly his fault, but a subliminal result of the loveless household he grew up in. Lies roll off his experienced tongue more naturally than when he’s ever tried to say I love you. So he’s convinced himself that it’s easier to live life this way, without love. If love ever fell into his hands, he’s not quite sure what he’d do with it. 

If Sirius Black could be defined, he thinks it would lack the word love and instead encompass a lot of his anger. Fiery, palpable anger, deep set in his core. That’s what he is. There are a lot of things to be angry about in this life, after all.

—

You’re 16 and this birthday party might’ve been your best idea yet. Your friends are dotted around your dorm room, along with some people you’ve invited from your classes. Among the forming crowd, you spot one Sirius Black. You don’t talk much outside of being Potions partners, and you get by with smiles in the halls and friendly touches. He’s looking at you from across the room like he knows you intimately, but that is far from the truth. Sirius Black is an enigma if anything, but what’s more unusual to you even after three shots of firewhiskey is the fact that he doesn't have any of his friends in tow. He meanders around the open space before circling back towards your direction as if that wasn’t his plan in the first place.

“Trouble in paradise?” you joke, gesturing to the space his posse would usually occupy behind him. He scoffs, avoiding the question, giving you a proper kiss on the cheek instead as he loops his arms around your waist. It piques your interest; you’ve always loved a challenge.

“Happy birthday, gorgeous.”

Sirius is handing you a small jewelry box, and you look at him dumbfounded. You’re barely even friends.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Black. I just called you over to get drunk with me and my mates.” You giggle, cheeks red from the alcohol.

It’s a necklace. A magical, really expensive one. Sirius is gauging your reaction, scratching the back of his neck. It’s easy to put a price to something rather than show you all of his cards.

“Well, aren't I special? This is too much, Black. I shouldn’t…” Your soft hands are pushing the box into his impenetrable wall of a chest as you shake your head in disbelief. No one’s ever gotten you something this nice or expensive before. You wonder if he does this to all the other girls that fawn over him.

“It’s nothing. I insist. You keep me distracted in Slughorn’s class and for that, you get a prize just as pretty as you.” He’s holding your wrists now, rubbing them casually like this isn’t the most intimate encounter you’ve had with him yet. Somehow you can sense that he needs this more than you do. To be needed. He doesn’t want to tell you that you’re the only one making him smile nowadays since his friends haven’t talked to him in weeks. You indulge in this behavior, because it’s new and exciting, and who would say no to Sirius Black?

The party ends much later after you tease him until his wit’s end, and then it’s your whispered approval that moves him to move his body over yours, the rest of your clothes quickly flying off in his pursuit to become a part of you. Physically and metaphorically, his being overtakes you quickly. Deep into the night, when he’s fucking you into your mattress, the necklace he gave you swings back and forth against your chest with every thrust of his hips, every bump of the headboard against the wall thumping the final nails into the coffin. You can’t help but feel special as he lays kisses on your spine. You know this isn’t intimacy in Sirius’ world though. This isn’t love, it’s bodies yearning for connection, to find something meaningful. To string the words to define how to pass the time. You hope he finds what he’s looking for between your sheets and as he breathes into your hair.

Sirius is angry at the world and he’s chosen you to be his target. What color on your necklace can define the fact you wanted him to fuck you brainless anyways? What can accurately portray the shaking of his hands as he slaps the fat of your thighs? Both of you don’t remember, but all he knows is your naked bosom is glowing amber as you pant, and it looks and feels like you’re on fire. Lust has a way of consuming the body, both of you moving until you cannot anymore, anatomy animated by the need for touch.

He needed this, a distraction. And you just wanted a crazy story to tell. You keep note of the fact that Sirius likes it when you moan his name, and he makes it his mission for you to scream the name he grew up hating because it sounds pretty coming from your mouth. Because here in this room, it means something other than disappointment.

“Oh my god, baby, right there!”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your baby.” he pants, pulling your hair roughly as he jackhammers into you. No pet names or endearments are allowed. Just Sirius, and he’ll correct you if you get it wrong. By the end of it, you’re slurring your words and screaming nonsense anyway. You think nothing of it.

He wants you as much as you’ll have him, which, when you’re 16, you think can be made a priority just to keep his eyes on you. Everyone wants a piece of Sirius Orion Black. And your hands are stretched out in hopes of partaking in this transaction of physicality and sin. Weeks later, after you seemingly fall asleep in the boys’ dorm, James asks Sirius if you’re his girlfriend. “She’s…alright,” he mumbles into the air. They’ve finally forgiven him for The Prank after your urges to get Sirius to swallow his ego. He never got to thank you for it. Gratitudes and endearments were a rarity at Grimmauld Place. 

Peter whispers in the dark of their dorm and asks Sirius if he could ever fall in love with you. With your eyes closed and your head lying against his chest, you feel him shrug as he traces a hickey he left on your collarbone. What is love to Sirius Black? He’s looking at your chest glow red, and his hand clutches the pendant in his fist, trying to dim its light. You go to sleep instead. The incandescent glow of the pendant seeps beneath your eyelids.

—

You’re 19 and sometimes you wonder if it’d be easier to be dead. Good days are a relief for all to have, presenting themselves as scarce and far apart in your new normal. There’s a war going on and you think it’s criminal to consider yourself adult enough to fight in it, but you and your friends–and your boyfriend do. You sleep in Sirius’ apartment more than your own now, but he never calls you his girlfriend, he just calls you his, and you convince yourself to not worry so much about it because death itself is coming for everyone you know. You’re together, and that’s what matters, right? There are bigger problems at hand.

Between Auror missions, Sirius has a bad habit of picking fights with you in front of your friends, which now include his friends. A lot of you comes from him, which you don’t resent. They’re lovely, but they see through the struggle. They know him too well, and you go to every gathering with an inkling that they know how mean Sirius can truly be. Old habits die hard. Tonight he yells at you because you won’t let him get a fifth beer. 

“Always thinking you know better than me, (Y/N). You’re not my fucking wife, so I don’t need to listen to you! No one wants to hang around a killjoy.”

He wrenches his grip from your thigh, nearly toppling your chair over to stomp over to the bar himself. Everyone stares at you, waiting for you to react before they judge. Before they defend their friend. His behavior has been erratic lately with his world crumbling as he knows it. But then again, Sirius has never known life without chaos.

“I know it’s not… ideal. But he’s a good guy. We’re all just going through shit right now. His brother’s missing, so I’m there when he needs me.”  Which is always, you omit from your response. You don’t mind being needed though. Helping him fight his demons is a part of being in a relationship with someone so damaged. You bring him light when his mind darkens. That is not transactional. It’s something deeper, though the words dissipate before either of you can utter it at night.

Lily reaches over the table to hold your hand, with Remus pulling his arm around the back of your chair, and rubbing your shoulder. Your chest is still glowing red, your love for him triumphing over any embarrassment he’s caused you. How you feel has always been clear, evident on your chest. What a weakness to have, to lay yourself bare to him and you wonder if Sirius did it on purpose.

He gets piss drunk as you expected and you have to side-apparate him home while you insist to everyone else that they should stay and have fun. They’re not as easily convinced, but you bid them farewell anyway. You get to the apartment and Sirius mumbles a ‘thank you’ as you help him take his clothes off and you gently tuck him under the covers, kissing him goodnight. Small moments like these are tender. They say more than anything you could put into words.

Moments later, you pretend to not hear Sirius cry, but his chest is heaving and the sound coming from his throat is so gut-wrenching that you lift yourself out from under him where he was weeping into your shoulder. In the dark, your eyes adjust to find his face in the moonlight.

“Sirius?” you breathe, fingers ghosting over the tears on his face. 

“He’s dead.” he whimpers. You’ve never seen Sirius Black let himself be vulnerable like this. Not to the Marauders, and especially not to you. There’s no carnal aspect in sorrow, though it leaves one gutted, worn down to the bone.

“My baby brother is dead, and no one knows. I don’t even have a body to mourn over.” 

He chokes back a sob, and you let his arms shroud your body, leaving the red glow of your pendant trapped between both of your ribs. You hope some of the light and some of your love seeps into him. You have plenty to give, and it’s all his for the taking, if only he’d let you.

Sirius falls asleep hours later, and you’re pinned to the bed underneath him. There’s a crick in your trapezius that you try to ignore as you stroke his hair. Maybe in his dreamless state he can find peace. You close your eyes and wonder if Regulus has found solace in death. Maybe it would feel something like this.

—

You’re 21 and most of your good friends are dead or in hiding. It’s the night before Halloween, but there’s not a lot to celebrate if real life is much scarier now.

Over the years, Sirius and you have come to an understanding. He’s flawed, with a viciously large ego and oftentimes he’s mean when he doesn’t know how to react. But he’s human. He tries now, more than ever to quell the anger born in the Black name. He tries to be gentle, though the instinct to hurt is in his blood. You’re patient, and resilient enough to take the blows, knowing what you feel is deeper than his anger, often revealing itself as his darkest fears. You like him ‘because’ and love him ‘despite’. Your cue to comfort him is usually right before he gets the look on his face that tells you he’ll say something knowing it’ll make you cry. You’ve always loved him, but now you know why. Sirius wonders every day how you’re still with him. He’s a runner, but since the day you’ve met him, you haven’t quite let go of his hand.

Usually instead of an apology, he’ll usually fuck you to oblivion, making sure your legs shake and your brain is jumbled enough to not talk about the hurt he causes you. He strokes the fire in you, and the feeling of anger that continually wracks his being can only be satiated by your touch. His skin on yours is the best place to be, but maybe there’s a part of you that likes the hurt, his anger. It's almost passionate, the only emotion he knows how to express well. You love him in a way that only you can, despite all of that. But it all blurs when he kisses you, consumes you. You especially like it when he pulls your hair.

You shriek as you come down from a release, hands rubbing the expanse of his chest. His thrusts slow as he grapples with reality, pawing at your breasts. Your hips milk him for his worth, and he groans lowly.

“You’re too good to me, wife. You’re all mine.” 

Your ministrations come to a stop as you look down at him, pendant hanging between your faces. Nicknames were a growing commodity lately.

“Wife, huh…”

The air is heavy between you two, still connected as one while you wait for his response. Let him take the lead, as it’s the role he’s more accustomed to.

“If that’s okay.” he breathes, not knowing what to do with his hands. Love has fallen into his hands, and her physical form is sitting in his lap. His grip eases as he accepts you wholly.

“Maybe someday soon.” 

A slow smile stretches across your face. 

“Ask me properly and I’ll consider.” But the glow of your necklace is more vibrant now, and you two both know your answer as he grabs your waist and pulls you down for another round.

Sirius tries to sneak out of bed in the early morning as you doze off. You wake, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, bare feet padding across your shared apartment in search of him until you see him dressed in the kitchen and holding a letter. 

“I have to go… deal with some business,” he mutters, not stepping away from the window nor sparing you a glance. Lying to someone he loves is harder than he thought it would be.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” You’re standing in the doorway wearing his shirt and his boxers. He likes it when you say his name. You could call him anything you want and he’d come running.

“James and Lily, they’re in trouble. I’ll be back by morning.”

You turn to grab your wand, planning to go with him, but he’s suddenly grabbing your arm and pulling you into a kiss, stopping your advances. He has something to lose now. You’re his, and he’ll be damned to let you follow him blindly into danger.

“You have to stay here. Everything will be okay,” he says, holding your chin. The lie sits heavy on his tongue. Maybe if he focuses he’ll see the rose-tinted hue of your irises every time he shuts his eyes.

“You’re scaring me...” You look at him in apprehension, his movements erratic and you wonder if he’s cracked and needs an exorcism. Then your heart is thundering in your chest and the red glow turns ice blue. A new feeling has taken a larger form than your love, and its fear. Briefly, you wonder how Sirius lives on edge like this. Something is dangerously wrong. He looks into your eyes, and then the cold glow on your chest. He takes a slow step back away from you, looking almost apologetic.

“Sirius Black, don’t you fucking dare.”

“I love you.”

He’s apparated and long gone before you register what he said. It sounded unfamiliar coming from his mouth, but you weren’t surprised. It was something you’ve always known. You just didn’t think that hearing it would hurt this badly.

—

The doors of the dreary prison cell screech shut in Azkaban. Visiting hours are over, and Sirius hadn’t left his space the whole two hours you waited outside in hopes of seeing him.

Tossing the lunch you packed into the bin as you push through the exit door for the last time, you think that killing him would’ve been easier than this, but he is not the victim in this story. You at least hope he got your package, as you think that maybe you could find a different adventure now, one that doesn’t involve having your feelings splayed across your chest for a murderer to come in and kill you dead. What a fool, to know someone so intimately, so innately, and for him to be a killer.

The envelope is slid under his cell door, and he opens it slowly. The necklace. Sirius sighs, and he wonders if you’ll finally let him go. It’s what you deserve anyway, now that he’ll rot in here for the rest of his life for a crime he didn’t commit. He’s hurt you enough that even if he did tell you everything, there’s a chance you wouldn’t believe him. No one does, after all. The cool silver of the chain makes goosebumps rise on the back of his neck as he slips it on. Red. 

With all the time in the world to think, he realizes that he can easily be defined by the sound of your voice calling his name. He’s called many things now besides a liar; a murderer, a deranged madman, a traitor. The only definition of himself he prefers now is one where he is described to be loving you. There are a lot of things to love about you, after all. He spends days, weeks, months, years, keeping track. He finds new ones every time he closes his eyes.

But Sirius Black is first and foremost a liar, and if there’s anything he’s sure of, is that he’s damn good at it.

—

“You say you love rain

but you open your umbrella.

You say you love the sun

but you find a shadow spot.

You say you love wind

but you close your windows.

This is why I am afraid

when you say you love me.”

William Shakespeare

love me some tunes! i listened to this while writing: complex by katie gregson-macleod

taglist: @jsjcue

[creedslove]

I'm thinking about you often and wish you peace and quiet ♥️ even if we don't talk much, I consider you as a friend and I care about you.

What about Joel and his wife not talking, they have some quiet days. Wife is not happy, because Joel is not helping around the house and being busy at work, Joel forgot about her birthday. After he got home from work, his wife was like... gone.

He was going crazy, because she was not answering the phone, and it was late already. When she finally returned home, he was asking where she was, and it turned out, she was spending time with her friends, because they celebrated her birthday that Joel forgot about.

"Joel, do you even love me? I'm not angry, I'm just little tipsy and sad. Do you want divorce? Because I see we are not doing so well nowadays. I love you, but you are not loving me back, don't you?"

Joel is shocked and little angry. How his wife, most important person on earth for him, can think stuff like that. He loves her, he loves her so deeply, but he is not willing to admit that.

"you say dumb things, you are drunk, go to bed." Results in weeping and sniffles.

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: thank you thank you thank you honey, I love you so much you have no idea how much better your ask made me feel, your words are so sweet. I consider you my friend too, you're incredible honey 💕😘 love you 💋🫂

Also, this ask being so close to my bday (2 weeks from now) hit differently, so I'll change it just slightly to fit an idea I'd been working on, if it's okay? Love you 💕

INSPIRED BY THE SONG: I hate this part - Pussycat Dolls

• Joel grinded his teeth as he focused on the road; it was dark, raining and hard to see and he couldn't be angrier to be out so late at night having to pick you up from a night out with your friends; you knew he had work the next morning, so why did you do that to him? Not to mention the ugly stare you were giving him, which caused him to groan again

• you on the other hand, couldn't believe his nerve to give you shit like that, what was he even thinking about? You didn't know if Joel was acting up to punish you or if he had literally forgotten about it, it annoyed you to death, but annoyed wasn't really the right word, it angered you, because you never dreamed your husband could be that insensitive towards you

• Joel was driving faster than usual, he gripped the steering wheel and you could tell his knuckles were white, you sighed and looked out the window, disbelief growing as Joel wasn't going to say anything at. all. it was just so unfair of his reaction, considering he was the one acting up like a major asshole and not the other way around

• it hurt and angered you, he had no right to treat you like that, especially not after he was doing, he had no right to do so and when he ignored you a couple of times you called his name, you had enough

"stop the car, Joel!"

"what? No, I'm not gonna stop it"

"stop the car right now Joel, do it or I'll open this door!!!"

• you raised your voice at him, something you had never done it, but at that moment, it didn't matter, he'd pushed your buttons and you didn't want to be around him at all

"STOP THE FUCKING CAR!"

• you yelled again, and he finally pulled over, there were still a few blocks until you got home, but you didn't care, you got out of the car slamming the door behind you and didn't look back, it baffled you what a jerk Joel was really being, it didn't make any sense to you

• Joel on the other hand was so angry, he couldn't even word how pissed off you made him feel at that moment, he parked the car and went after you, groaning at how stubborn you were being

• it didn't take very long for him to reach you and grab your arm, pulling you closer

"what the fuck are you doing?!"

"it's my birthday you asshole! My fucking birthday and you forgot about it! Or you simply don't care about me to the point of not saying anything... Does it make any sense now that I was out celebrating? Because my fucking boyfriend couldn't remember"

• you said just as angrily, you were tired of Joel acting up as if he was the right one and not you; you broke free from his grip and walked away, you didn't want anything to do with that man at that moment

• Joel was shocked, his heart shattered at his own insensitivity and shook his head; he'd indeed forgotten about it, he'd just been so absorbed and stressed about work it simply slipped away from his mind

• but it didn't matter, he knew how bad it was and how deeply he'd hurt you and Joel wasn't going to forgive himself just as he knew you wouldn't forgive him either

• he asked you to wait, he needed to apologize and see what he could do to make things better: perhaps there was still time to take you out for dinner? Maybe the malls were still open and you could pick a present for yourself?

• but it wasn't as simple as he thought, when he asked you what he could do to redeem himself, all you did was shake your head and sigh

"there's nothing to be done, Joel... About this or about us... I think we should break up"

• you said and began walking away from him, at that moment, you and Joel couldn't be together anymore, it broke your heart but it was what you had to do

____

[nicxl333]

NSFW ALPHABET— ITOSHI SAE

depending on how this does i’ll continue this as a blue lock series :)

this is based on my opinion and also egoist bible facts about sae (hopefully it’s accurate enough)

A= Aftercare (what they're like after the act)

even though he may not seem like it, sae is very soft when it comes to you. your legs are aching? best believe he'll massage them. his first instinct would be to draw a bath for the both of you, cleaning you up so you don't have to do so much as lifting a finger. after all, it was him who put you in this state. after you're both clean he'd put you to bed, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you into his chest where you both eventually fall asleep.

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

on himself, probably his thighs. they are impressively toned and a perfect spot for you to hold onto when pleasing him so it's only natural that he takes pride in them. on you? ass. (canon) in his opinion, there's no ass that compares to yours and he'll quite literally do anything in his power to see it move. if you wear booty shorts around the house best believe he's grabbing it. he also definitely has a hidden folder on his phone filled with ass pics from you for when he's abroad for football.

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

if you guys are doing it in doggy, he'll take the opportunity to cum on your ass. either that or inside you. he likes the risk, even though you're on birth control.

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

he got wound up post game one day and took it upon himself to fuck his fist to the thought of you. specifically you last week being fucked by him in a state of overstimulation after he'd already made you cum twice on his fingers alone. that isn't the thing that makes this a secret he'll never share however. once he'd cum sticky ropes into his hand he reached for his phone and snapped a picture to send to you. but, in his post orgasmic state he misclicked and sent the photo to the one person he tended to avoid the most: shidou ryusei

sure, he could've deleted it and avoided the most embarrassing moment of his life, but, with shidou being the most desperate male he's ever seen of course he'd view it immediately, given the fact that sae never contacts him.

long story short shidou sent a surprise of his own and sae in a state of absolute rage made him swear to secrecy if he valued living.

E= Experience (do they know what they're doing)

sae doesn't know anything apart from soccer, so it's safe to say that he was clueless about anything sex related. doesn't mean he didn't learn though. you were also each other's first.

nowadays it's questionable if you were really his first and only lover the way he fucks you with such expertise.

F= Favorite position

anything where he can see your ass clapping with each snap of his hips. doggy style, reverse cowgirl, leap frog, the snake. he's not very particulate on just one.

however, if he's making love to you, it needs to be in missionary. he wants you to know just how much he loves you with each roll of his hips into you. it's also a way for him to feed off your reactions in such an intimate setting.

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

this is sae itoshi we're talking about. i can guarantee you whenever you fuck it will be a serious moment. that doesn't mean he won't tease you every once in a while though to stroke his ego. he is a massive egoist after all.

expect lines such as "you're about to cum again? i'm not even halfway through with you and you're already crumbling." or "stop holding back. just let me make you cum, it's not like you can do it on your own anyways. need me to do everything for you.”

H= Hair (grooming habits)

sae is the type of guy to stay well groomed. be it shaved completely or short wisps of hair that re uniformly trimmed.

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/ dirty)

he is away a lot, given the fact he's an internationally famous soccer player, so he most likely doesn't have enough time to always ensure the most romantic settings for you, resulting in many heated quickies. when the football season is over however and he has a lot of free time on his hands, expect lots of beautifully expensive dates which almost always end up in passionate sessions of love making.

he may not always show it, but sae really does love you so much, more than you can ever imagine, and the best way of showing it in his eyes is giving you endless pleasure so you can fully feel the effects of his love (mentally and physically if you catch my drift).

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

you have him constantly hard on the regular, whether you're with him or not (not that he'd ever let you know the power you hold over him) and he finds his hand wrapped around his dick more often than not. before practice, during practice games, when you're with him. just the mere thought of you is enough for him to spring a massive boner that has to be dealt with at least once every two days. other days he'll either pray that no one sees or take a cold shower.

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

dumbification. easily top of the board. he likes to see you completely lose yourself on his dick, fucked into total submission, to which he'd respond with a snarky comment.

"have i fucked you stupid? going dumb on my cock huh? i think you can take one more, can you do that for me? yeah?"

dacryphillia (in the good sense). he likes to see tears prick at the corner of your eyes due to how good he is fucking you. he'll reach down and wipe your tears away

"is it too much huh? don't worry baby it's okay i’ve got you"

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

as horny as sae gets he does have some form of rationality. given the fact he's bombarded by paparazzi a lot he wouldn't like to risk the both of you being next day headliners across the globe for something so unsavoury in their eyes.

he would fuck you most likely in the comfort of your shared condo or the safety of your hotel room if you have decided to travel with him.

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/ turn ons)

it's you. you don't have to do a lot to turn this man on, just your sweet voice is enough or your bright smile.

if he had to choose however, probably seeing your ass in a nice pair of shorts. specifically if you’re bent over cleaning or picking something up, to the point where he can see your ass peaking out.

N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won't do)

threesomes. he is way too possessive (in a good way) and full of love for you that he'd refuse to see anyone other than himself please you. he believes he's more than capable of doing that himself.

bring it up to him one day and he will shut it down immediately, no fucks given.

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

definitely giving, although he wouldn't say he doesn't enjoy being on the receiving end every once in a while, particularly after a stressful day.

this guy is the absolute king at eating pussy, sucking on your clit while fingering you with curled fingers to hit your g-spot with each stroke. it's something about seeing you in total ecstasy because of him that really feeds into his ego.

P= Pace (how fast they are)

if you guys are fucking, hard and fast. he knows all the spots that make you scream so he's pretty skilled at bringing you to a quick earth shattering orgasm every time.

if you're making love, slow and deep. he wants you to feel every inch and every vein of him. he particularly enjoys the sweet whines you let out in his ear when he hits it just right.

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)

like said earlier, he doesn't always have a lot of free time to spend with you so always expect a quickie if he's only there for a day or so. it would be wrong to say he prefers it however because if he did have the time, he would spend it pulling orgasm after orgasm out of you.

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

as long as they're reasonable. if he doesn't feel comfortable or confident with it he'll make it known to you. he is open to some suggestions though. particularly degradation if you’re up for it.

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)

bffr. for starters he's a literal football player. this man spends almost every day of his career running up and down a massive pitch for a minimum of 90 minutes. best believe his stamina is absolutely god tier.

if he does have the time for it, expect 3-4 rounds of him going absolutely ham on you.

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

funny story. the first time he walked in on you using a vibrator on yourself he demanded the name of where you got it from, then finished you off with the toy, then himself straight after. it was the first time he got you to squirt.

the next time you saw him he had a box full of sex toys for him to test out on you. it was a long, pleasurable night.

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

he does enjoy opportunities given to make you beg for his dick. methods such as pulling out once he feels the signals of your orgasm coming, letting the heat inside you die down before he fucks into you again and repeats the process once more.

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

nah. he's pretty quiet as it is so expect small grunts in your ear, or slight panting from exertion. don’t get him wrong though, he will tease the shit out of you if necessary. you on the other hand, are very loud, which he relishes in. your sweet sounds are a need for him in order to cum.

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)

as much as he hates threesomes i think he'd want to fuck you in front of shidou. not to the point where he can see your body, but so much so that he knows what's going on.

eg: you're sitting on his lap, wearing a skirt, where his dick can easily access your tight cunt. he'd probably engage in some conversation while he bounces you in his lap so he can show shidou just who you belong to.

X= X-ray (what's down below in dem pants)

easy. he's big in both sectors. he's very girthy, meaning you're stuffed to the brim each time he takes you. equally he's got a decent length, 7.2 inches, slightly curved to the right. the tip is quite an angry shade of pink while the rest of his dick is pinkish light brown. (#ca9f94 for reference) he deffo has a big vein running underneath which you do well to lick at every time you give him head, and his tip is definitely extremely sensitive.

lick the hole of his tip and he's cumming instantaneously.

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)

due to extended periods of time away from each other his sexdrive is on an all time high. when he's with you it's gotta be at least once a day y'all go at it.

don't think yours isn't just as high though, he can barely walk through the front door before you're pawing at his clothes in desperation to take them off.

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

he's an athlete, it's mandatory that he gets some form of rest. he most likely falls asleep with you or just after you, softly stroking your hair or caressing your waist gently, before giving you a peck to the forehead and drifting off.

[the-mountain-flower]

"we can't let trans ppl near our kids, it'll confuse them!"

My genuine first reaction to learning what transgender means:

I was in my early teens, attending a fun summer camp that had many activities divided by girls/boys.

During lunch, I befriended a couple kids, a nice girl and a nice boy. The boy mentioned something during a girls' activity.

Me: wait, I thought you were a boy?

Him: yeah, but I'm trans

Me: what's that?

Him: it means I was born with "girl parts" but I'm really a boy

Me: oh ok

Continues in the conversation as we were

Later, I notice him having to participate in the girls' activities like he said, and out of curiosity, go up to one of the adult leaders to ask why he has to be with the girls when he's a boy

Adult: oh, she's not really a boy.

Me: but he says he is?

Adult: we don't believe in transness. If you're born a girl, than you're a girl, and if you're born a boy, then you're a boy, and that's final.

Me: but that doesn't make sense. If he says that he's a boy, that must mean he's a boy, right?

Adult: no, your gender is the same as your biological sex. Do you understand?

Me: no??? That doesn't make any sense???

It didn't take long for the adult to dismiss me in a huff, while I'm left extremely confused.

That was before I learned about the existence of non-binary genders, and I just thought it was really cool. It didn't confuse me at all!

Nowadays, I've had to explain being trans to young kids, mostly cousins, a fair amount. Even with my tendency to over-explain things, it's not that hard to grasp. Every time, it only takes a couple minutes at most to explain, then they move on or ask questions that I'm happy to answer. Some have never heard of it before, while others have and thought of it as "changing your gender", which is a reasonable conclusion to make when no one's educated them about it.

You know what I've found always confuses kids? This "biological sex is absolute" nonsense. It doesn't make sense to anyone who's still learning about the world, it has to be indoctrinated the same way religion is.

So get the fuck out of here with this "trans identities are confusing" bs. Just like every other bs excuse for bigotry that we all know has zero real basis in science.

Kids are learning new things about the world around them every single day. Everything is going to be confusing until it's adequately explained, or they've had time to figure it out. "It's confusing" has never been, and will never be, a reason to stop anyone from learning new things.

[pocket-deer-boy]

the whole "you're being dramatic" thing parents do wrt reactions to sensory distress is so wild like. you really think a 6 year old can puke on command to be manipulative?? lmao

my parents are generally a lot more chill about it, especially nowadays when i tell them i don't want to eat something. They plan meals only they wanna eat around what leftovers we have, for example, so they can eat risotto with fish and i have something else. But also sometimes sensory issues are just plain fucking weird for me. One time recently my mom brought home some kind of cakey sweet, i ate two of them and it was completely fine. And then like, the fucking minute i was done eating them my body said "no, actually, this feels nasty. throwing this up" and i had to feel that shit slowly being lifted up through my esophagus with some of the most painful retching i've ever had to do, like my stomach detected some poisonous material even though it's entirely made of stuff i've eaten before. this has never happened before or since.

[sneckoil]

ok so i haven't watched housemd since i was a kid and just finished s1 and i am just. why is cameron written like that. genuinely her thing with house had me so completely lost this season. feels like a waste of a great actress but?? maybe I'm wrong?? she just feels so. empty as a character to me. regardless i would love to know what your opinion is on the character bc from what i remember it doesn't get better from here

I dont blame you ban-joey and I really appreciate your courage to send this off anon. We probably have the same experience. I watched house as a kid too (when I was 14, like 10 yrs ago) and hated her for being contrarian and inconsistent and in the way. But since then i’ve looked inward and found i was imposing double standards wrought by internalized misogyny. Anyway.

My opinions on cameron:

Number 1, if i were her i would shoot my shot with house too. excuse me. as if most of us on here are not just twenny… thirty somethings pining after old men. happily going on a monster truck date? getting a date in return for the old man to have me back on my team? Yeah. I respect the hustle. fuck that old man or whatever. marry him when he’s sick. phantom thread him

Number 2, liking Cameron is easy once you accept. That she is really really really not normal. I know this may be something you already know. But internalize it. She says something righteous but it doesnt mean that that is her defining trait. There is something so deeply wrong with her. I know you’re still on season 1 and Yes she Gets Worse but if you are working with the same lens as i am (that there’s something WRONG with her) then everything that happens makes sense. [spoilers] Of course youre only attracted to people when they’re sick and dying. Of course your reaction to being told youre boring is getting high on your patient’s drugs a few weeks away from your HIV test results. Of course you wanted to cheat on your dying husband with his best friend who comforted you while your husband was dying but you didn’t and you still haven’t after the fact he died. Of course you kept your dead husband’s sperm. Of course you wanted to kill a dictator but didnt, and then got pissed at your husband who Did kill him, a husband you actually felt nothing for and was hesitant to even let propose to you [/end spoilers] she’s so funny. If she were a guy they’d call her a messy bitch and love her for it. she has uncategorizable mental illnesses masking as a savior complex.

Number 3, you’re right about the emptiness on some level though. They wanted to write her out of the show and they did her so bad. And I’d say yeah she’s inconsistent as a character, but that goes for Everyone in this show. House isn’t consistent. Wilson isn’t consistent. None of them are consistent. Cameron is only as well-written as the writer who knows how to write her. I’ve suspected the only reason i hated her when I was 14 was she got in the way of hilson. But nowadays that stuff is so unserious to me. All i care about now is messy people being messy about other people

Number 4, she compels me. I like that she’s interesting. I don’t like most of her decisions, I disagree with her the most, but it’s interesting. She’s fun to Watch. She’s no Foreman (that guy is a case study in layers of character depth but that’s for another ramble) but that’s more than i can say for her than someone like, say, Chase LMAO

That being said if you dont like cameron then that’s fine 👍 we live in a society etc etc

I end with this (thank you jackie for putting this image on my feed)

[ghoulishtomato]

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM KNOCKOFF MOVIE???

Under the "keep reading" tab, you will see a bullet list of my reaction to a movie I found at Half-Priced Books called Night at the Magic Museum. It'll be me pointing out things about the movie and what I enjoy and whatnot. I do my best to describe what happens in the movie but, again, it's mostly reactions, so not a reliable play by play of the movie's events.

First, the basic plot synopsis of the movie that they have in the back of the DVD case (which is completely true and accurate to the events of the film):

⚡ During a fierce electrical storm, lightning hits a museum creating a magical passageway between our world and the world within the museum's paintings. Ben and Kim (brother and sister) find themselves transported to a 17th century village under siege by Falco, an evil sorcerer learned in the ways of black magic. The kids learn that the evil Falco is in search of the village's most prizes possession: The Jewel of Polaris. With the Jewel, Falco will be unstoppable. Ben and Kim must save the village and return to our world before it's too late.⚡

Now, onto my actual (a little bit disjointed) commentary:

before the actual movie, there was a trailer that had some lovely 90s Fantasy Whimsy, and the scenes/compositions scratched my brain just right that now my hopes for NAT(M)M are probably way too high now. Also, the trailer was for something called The Tiny Kingdom, so ofc my NATM brain thought of Jed and Oct

LOVE the orchestra music that plays over a black screen as they list the credits. If they really wanted to rip off NATM tho, they coulda shown us B Roll of the magic museum. But it serves it's purpose and I love orchestra music so I'm not bothered.

We are now in 1632. A Sharp tongued British man named Falco is sneering at his subordinates (?) and my Red Dwarf brainrot has immediately projected Arnold Rimmer onto him.

Falco is kind of cunty actually. And also sounds EXACTLY like Rimmer.

Very obvious ADR for this one side character, but otherwise, not the worst production! I enjoy this!

This would fuck as an old anime, that's what the dialogue feels like.

It's probably impertinent that I tell y'all right now that I fuck with older shit and actively enjoy what people nowadays would likely call major flaws and "ruining the immersion".

hAHA ISTG THERE IS JUST SOME DUDE WHO ACCIDENTALLY FELL INTO THE SHOT WHEN HE DIDN'T MEAN TO, I LOVE LIVE THEATRE 💀

Some... Editing discrepancies... They say it is raining outside... No it's not 💀 And not enough for there to be flashes of blue lightning visible from inside. But luckily I possess a strong will for suspension of disbelief. And the blue lightning is just sort of a running motif through the movie as a reminder of the real world while they're in the painting.

Ben and Kim are mentioned in the plot synopsis, but they leave out the fact they have a little sister named Casey, who I argue is pretty important to the movie. Kim works at the museum and she has to bring Ben and Casey along with her.

Omg, Armour in a museum. Like Lancelot.

Okay VERY obvious ADR line that was supposed to be said by young teen Ben, but the ADR'd voice sounds like a grown ass man 💀? Quite a few noticable ADR moments that don't quite match up with what's on screen throughout the movie actually.

Alright, paintings can come to life because of lightning. No Egyptian magic here.

God, Ben is such a 90s teen boy.

Very clearly the draw of this movie is not the museum- like at all. It's this ONE painting functioning as a portal and the legit world it leads to. Not in any art style a la the black and white painting in Smithsonian, or the Escher painting in Secret of the Tomb. Just a straight up other world. Painting just sucks Ben and Kim in after lightning strike and spits them out into a hay pile in fantasy land.

There's a menacing guy who fell out of a painting and is now up and about in the museum (not important).

Older sister Kim is coming to ridiculous conclusions to blame Ben for the situation they're in (a la annoying big sister stereotype) but Ben's responses are so calm, candid, and reasonable that it's not annoying to me HAHA

Ben's so fucking funny actually HAHA. Everyone has had at least one surprisingly funny line actually

This Fantasy world low-key reminds me of The Legend of Zelda and I fuck with it. Just a little bit. (But everyone is basically human here; no fish people, or even fairies or hell, not even elves).

Falco is such a cunty asshole. Excellent villain so far oh my gAWD. He's so evil.

People keep mocking each other in this movie it's so funny.

HAHA, OKAY SO- They gave us a magician guy (M) who indirectly is responsible for Lincoln's assassination. This movie is so delightful. M is my new favorite.

M is there, btw, because Casey likes to draw, and he's basic her OC that they manage to get into the painting (in order to help Ben and Kim get home and whatnot) by sticking here drawing to the painting they're in. Yeah, Casey's just hanging in the museum with a security guard named Monty (who also play the magician M. The actor actually has some nice range in this movie!).

If you're like crazy about world building, I hate to tell you that s o m e of the stuff about this isn't real clear to me (like, it's implied the fantasy characters also existed in the real world or something but like??? That doesn't make sense here) so like 💀💀

Fun and creative puzzle moment near the climax :D Just one though. Also, Ben likes to roller skate, and that's helpful for this cave he's in to find some magic jewel to help him and Kim get home (and that he's gotta find before Falco).

Also there was a cave in this movie that Istg I saw in a dream...

There's this voiceover narration for some "Tests of bravery and intelligence" Ben has to do, and the narrator sounds like Crispin Freeman to me, heehee (it's def not him tho).

Btw, sister Kim has been delegated to prisoner waiting to be rescued but this is a late 90s fantasy movie so like... what do I expect.

The acting is kind of 1 Note, all on the same level for the most part. It's not bad by any means, of course, they've all been funny at least.

...... This movie had an extremely lackluster and borderline disappointing climax with all the fantasy land magic jewel shit... 💀 Falco deserved something more grand...

Btw, remember how I said there was a guy from a painting wondering around? Well he seemed to be after Casey for unknown reasons. But he was hardly in the movie 💀 He seemed to pose a threat near the end, but dispatching him was "super easy. Barely an inconvenience!" (A sword shot out of fantasy land painting for some reason and killed him before meeting him back into his painting).

So that's it. Literally NOTHING like Night at the Museum save for magic painting portal. Again, as mentioned in my previous post about the movie (and based on how the movie just looks and functions) it was made in like '99.

So what the fuck is the deal with the EXTREMELY NOTICEABLE Night at the Museum coattail riding???

Well, the company that released the movie (from what I can tell) is Moonbeam films, which wasn't founded until 2012- bUT it's parent company is Full Moon features, which was founded in 1988. So if I were to guess, perhaps Full Moon features made the movie, but Moonbeam released it on DVD.

NOW, THE ORIGINAL TITLE FOR THIS FILM WAS ACTUALLY Search for the Jewel of Polaris: Mysterious Museum. But when it was released on DVD in August of 2012, it was renamed to Night at the Magic Museum (it looks like it had a few other different names it could've been called as well, including just The Magic Museum or Mysterious Museum).

Both these production companies or whatever don't make like... The best films, I guess. Or at the very least, very tongue-in-cheek goofy ass movies that aren't trying to be cinema or anything (which is so valid of them). In fact, Full Moon features is known for shit like Evil Bong, Gingerdead Man, and Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong.

The point is- they're not particularly high quality or serious about their movies and productions if I were to take a lucky guess (cause I'm not gonna search THAT deep into this; I'm not a YouTuber who can get paid for it 💀).

SO- I THINK...

Moonbeam Films changed the movie title AND specifically designed the DVD case to match Night at the Museum as close as they possibly could (from the composition down to the font) YEARS after the movie was originally made/released, and a few years after Night at the Museum released it's sequel, Battle of the Smithsonian. Hell, the kid on the DVD cover doesn't even look like the movie's MC, Ben (left) 💀 They just grabbed some random white boy to pose SPECIFICALLY for this.

NATM had proven itself to be- like- EXTREMELY fucking popular among kids, families, and a bunch of gay people who want to see that tiny cowboy and Roman kiss. Like we see with lots of bootlegs, they were likely banking on riding the coattails of NATM's success in order to make money on their low budget crummy movie...

Except like.... Search for the Jewel of Polaris isn't bad? It's nowhere near the level Night at the Museum is production wise, of course. But it's got a homey feel to it. It's got an actual story it's telling, and the actor's do quite a good job! (Especially in the beginning of the movie). It is it's own, quaint little movie that I would like to watch a second time.

To ride on the coattails of another movie kind of shows insecurity about the movie's actual contents I think. I mean, that dinosaur, knight, pirate ship, and weird alien thing we see on the cover?? Not in the damn movie 💀 This attempt to be dishonest about what the movie has to offer while also maybe hoping people confuse it with another, successful movie in order to milk money out of it just looks bad on Moonbeam Films' behalf.

In conclusion: Search for the Jewel of Polaris is NOT a Night at the Museum ripoff, and could never have been, what with being made 6-7 years before the first NATM actually came out. It was rebranded in 2012 as Night at the Magic Museum for DVD releases by Moonbeam Films. It's a cute, simple little movie with it's own charming characters and concept, and you can feel the human touch/heart all throughout it 💛💛

Thank You for reading. ☺️✨ Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be thinking about Falco for forever til eternity.

[meanbossart]

Misc. Ask compilation

These aren't all of the asks I want to reply to, just some that I can answer relatively quickly to clean the ol' inbox out before things get out of hand. Thanks for your patience!

HAHAHA THANK YOU FOR PERUSING AROUND and for enjoying my work! I had a... Weird Gale experience my first playthrough which led to his characterization being what it is in my comics. Here's the beat-by-beat of all the shenanigans: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/740827466716807168/alright-i-am-like-90-sure-there-is-one-line-in-a

And here's just some of my personal thoughts on him! https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/736193145686114305/can-you-tell-me-more-about-how-you-would-make-gale

I would be lying if I said I'm not conflicted to know my style still bears some remnants of my edgy teen roots (not your fault not noticing it though, you aren't the first and won't be the last) BUT... That comic did mean a lot to me as a youth, so I guess I should be proud 🤷 and honestly it is a little cool that such a thing would survive for so long in what I do, crazy how that works.

LMAO, re: the bottom/top debacle, I was honestly so surprised to see people react to it like it's something novel. If I ever expected to get any push back on the matter, I thought it would be from people assuming DU drow was the top and taking issue with how violent and big he is (and yknow, some people are weirdly protective of Astarion as if he isn't a sneaky murder machine rippling with lean muscle)

Very disheartening to see that mindset still so alive and well among young people, but I guess it just means I gotta draw DU drow throwing more back and Astarion drooling over more ass until the stereotype is forcefully banished out of people's minds!

(more asks below the cut)

"Sleeper agent activation phrase" absolutely took me out, Thank you so much LOL

YEAH I got it pretty late though, Astarion had already told my durge that he was a vampire of his own accord (and the response was, of course, "no duh") I forgot wheter this happened before or after the first romance scene triggered, but I think after.

Since this was after DU drow decided he was gonna fuck him out of pure contrarian spite and was shamelessly laying it extremely thick, He happilly let Astarion drink his blood. Hell, he was probably a little Too Eager - the guy likes pain and he likes letting people he trusts do with his body whatever they will, and while he didn't yet trust Astarion at that point, that event might've very well reminded him of something from his past that planted a seed which would eventually grow into his genuine affection for the guy.

Ah, he definitely got a half-chub as it happened too. I'm sure Astarion noticed it and just walked off rolling his eyes and thinking "eugh of course" lmao.

Hello!!!

Oh man, I grew up fascinated with horror things. I remember from a very young age just looking at the covers and backs of horror movies at the film-rental even though I wasn't allowed to watch them. I was also easily scared but I sought those things out anyway - I think i just enjoyed the visceral reactions it drew out of me and was always curious about most things taboo.

When I got access to the internet that just opened a (very unfortunate) door to all things vile and awful like it did for so many people at that age in time. Though my tastes have changed a lot since then (Less August Underground, more The Devils kind of guy nowadays) my stories and art are just always going to fall into a horror-y category because I just... Don't think there's many better ways to showcase the human experience and emotional range without many of the elements native to the genre, and I'm all about that.

Thank you for your question and your sweet words, have a good week yourself!

I did a little write-up about that over here! https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/742508493562593280/i-dont-have-a-particular-question-in-mind-sorry

That's the result of a scene that happens relatively early in the story I'm writing ("A Novel Experience" on Ao3).

{SPOILERS} DU drow accidentally passes out on a blade which puts a relatively deep gash on his hip. Meanwhile, Astarion is weakened and starved after certain events that transpired the prior night. They have a private exchange both in a somewhat hazy-state of mind and Astarion ends up prodding and prying at his wound while feeding, so it's a laceration and bite mark that just scarred over badly.

Elves apparently don't grow body hair so never LOL guess they'll just have to slip&slide up on each other for heat

[systemic-stupidity]

It’s kind of funny, hearing people’s horrified reactions to things you just… live with.

“Oh my god, there’s this super rare mental disorder called Cotard’s Syndrome where you think you’re dead or a decaying corpse!! That sounds horrific, how can anyone cope with that? Hallucinating your body just rotting away is my worst nightmare!”

Yeah that just kinda happens sometimes, man. It sucks. Usually I just kind of sit in a catatonic state until something breaks the delusion or I’m able to force myself to interact with whatever I need to, like doing the dishes. It’s weird as fuck but sometimes you’re a ghost and your corpse is on the floor in the next room but also the dishes are dirty so meh. Other times you straight up don’t exist and you’re *someone else’s* hallucination.

Thankfully my meds keep that shit at bay and I have an episode at most once a year nowadays.

-M

[worldclueless]

Much to discuss after the weekend it seems. Buckle up cause this is a long one.

After the Brazil GP, a lot of swirling thoughts I’ve been feeling for the past few months made themselves apparent. 

First things first: Formula 1 and by extensions some of its fans, are incredibly tolerant to concerning behavior. 

The concerning behavior of bigotry (specifically racism) continues to permeate the sport like a moldy sock. Putting up some hashtags and PR statements do very little to address the issue. 

Through press conferences that have grown to become a soapbox that he could speak unchallenged through (cause for some reason journalists prefer not to really do their job nowadays), Max has positioned himself to be some sort of persecuted figure (???). 

The latest boogeyman is the British bias that Max and RedBull harp on about and how they favour most (a very important distinction as POCs receive no such grace) British drivers. 

He’s able to go on and on and on about how persecuted he is by the British media without an ounce of irony or perspective. What’s worse, he’s enabled by RB and its fans, again, without an ounce of irony or perspective. 

The way in which he is treated with kids gloves at times is truly stunning. His comments about ‘having the wrong passport in the paddock’ were distasteful. Point blank. Just utterly distasteful to have those words uttered by a white Dutch man with a Belgian passport. And for some reason, his fans do their very best to be extremely dense as to why it was so distasteful. 

And then he throws a hissy fit for his right to say swear words. I think it’s personally dumb to police drivers over silly things like this, but the way in which Max is more passionate about swear words than, let’s say, kneeling with a fellow driver over police brutality…I don’t know, the reaction is different. 

In contrast, the head of the FIA was willing to ban Lewis for 6 races after a joke about being black. I have to emphasize (because it’s so fucking insane) the head of the FIA, Jean Todt, considered banning Lewis for SIX (!!!!) races because he joked about being black (and it was a popular Ali G joke mind you). 

Like, do you seriously think being able to say a swear word is the sword to die by and make yourself a martyr over? Do you think me, with my black, melanated self gives a fuck if you can say ‘fuck’? 

Furthermore, when I think of the way some fans speak about Lewis, it’s also the specific wording that is always used when they speak about Lewis. Lewis has grown so much (as if you were talking about a wayward child and not a 39 year old man) or Lewis is such a class act (always setting him to a higher standard and expecting him to take the high road) or Never liked Lewis before but I really am starting to now (strangely is always said after he is charitable to others who spew venom in his face).  

RB and its fans, have absolutely no leg to stand on about being persecuted when their environment can tolerate racism. Additionally, they continue to host and tolerate the presence of Nelson Piquet who was blatantly racist to Lewis. Max was able to fix his mouth after his Brazil win to make himself the victim of discrimination by the British press again, and then go celebrate with his Bolsonaro-supporter girlfriend and her racist father without an ounce of pushback from any of the journalists. Like, do I need to spell out the dynamics at play here? 

When teams are hosts to figures like Trump and Rogan, are we really surprised that racist and discriminatory actions amongst fans is able to happen when the messaging is clear: we can tolerate this. 

And unfortunately, it’s true. Fans can tolerate it cause to put it bluntly: y’all do not give a fuck. 

The journalists continuously fail to critique the ways in which this racist sentiment is able to insidiously thrive within the F1 environment. 

That’s why I’m just so skeptical of messaging that is pushed by new fans that ‘F1 is for the girlies.’ Which girlies exactly? Certainly not for me. 

This makes me think of Kenzo Craigie. I was delighted to see him and Lewis interacting and going for a hot lap. I loved seeing Kenzo so excited about meeting someone that looked like him and was so successful in his field. It was such a powerful moment. But it left me with a pit of anxiety in my stomach. That’s because Kenzo seemed like such a bright-eyed and eager boy.

When I saw the BBC interviews of Lewis as a child, I never actually saw a happy young boy. There was always deep sadness I detected in his voice when he spoke of his experiences as a young black racer. Recently, after Lewis spoke about suffering from depression that stemmed from the racist abuse he suffered as well as the high expectations placed on him, this confirmed my suspicions. 

Kenzo, in contrast, through my limited viewings of his interviews, seems relatively happier in his demeanor. And this is what I fear. I fear the way in which F1, its fans and the FIA will stomp out the light in his eyes. I don’t want to see this happy young black boy have his joyful spirit stomped on by an unrelenting organization. What’s worse, his Britishness will not shield him from any of the British bias (lol) that fans screech about. 

Bigotry will always thrive if there isn’t continuous action to address the problem, and I have zero faith in the FIA stepping up to meaningfully take action. 

Anyway, I think I’ll only stick around so long as Lewis is around cause I don’t think there’s much for me here as a young black woman. This sport would never love me back.

[gz-missfit]

So....Tazercraft again huh? /aff

I could go on for a bit about how Pac e Mike behaved during that kidnapping, how much their reactions spoke volumes about their trauma and how fucking good these 2 are at breaking people's hearts while teasing at this situation multiple times during the stream (also having heard some of their voice acting of a lot older videos just how fucking good Pac has gotten at acting like Jesus christ my heart). But I feel like a good amount of posts in the tags have summed up everything I would've wanted to say amazingly and I definitely recommend scrolling through them.

I wanna talk about something else tho. Richas. Moreso his relationship with Pac.

Richas has said before that Pac e Mike are his chill dads, the ones that have always let him get away with shit or encouraged his shenanigans but he still has always carried different relationships with each of them individually. He's a bit more distant from Mike due to the time where Mike isolated himself away from Richas in the fear of Richas loosing his last life because of him. Richas knows Mike is dangerous, he knows Mike's a bit unhinged and I'd like to think that unhinged almost destructive chaos is what Richas got from Mike. (Taking for example yesterday when he warned Bad that Mike is the one that can kill him) Richas knows Mike is smart and even tho he doesn't have the knowledge to talk with Mike about it he still relishes in the chaos his Dad Mike's ideas bring.

Now Richas relationship with Pac is what peaked my attention yesterday though and it showed me just how much of his emotional personality he got from Pac.

Starting with the obvious it's that Richas isn't often seen sad, he's not seen as a sad egg but rather a mischievous ball of positive social energy and that's how Pac is seen by anyone aside from Mike and nowadays Fit. Everyone sees Pac as this emotional ball of sunshine who's always happy if a little anxious, but both he and Richas hold their actual emotions close. They're rocks for others before they are people who let their own emotions out. Pac having always been the emotional rock for Mike while Richas has always been one for all his parents. It's fascinating to see how genuinely similar they are with this.

Which is why yesterday when Pac told Richas what had happened I feel like was the first time we saw Richas react to the news that one of his dad's got kidnapped again. Obviously he's bound to Crack at some point, he's a kid after all. But to have Richas be this clear about his emotional body language and distress is rare in terms of kidnapping. Seeing him physically recoil, frantically and in disbelief shake his head stung so much cause it's the first time we've seen Richas react this strongly to something like this infront of one of his parents. And I feel like it's because he has that more emotional relationship with Pac.

He let's himself be this openly emotionally vulnerable with Pac because he knows how Pac is. It's like how you have that one person you're not bothered to cry infront of because you know how they are when emotional and they know how you are. They're both people who are painfully aware of how many emotional burden they carry of other's just by being themselves and I feel like a big part of Richas view of Pac comes from that too! (Him saying to Bad that Pac is the most precious Brazilian and that Bad should be careful what he does to him) Richas knows how important Pacs emotional stability is to the people around him and how I feel like he himself takes after Pac a lot in just constantly pushing through things. Because that's what's Pac always done and Richas had to learn this from someone after all.

That's why the way that stream ended hurt me so much more, Richas coping mechanism after deep emotional trauma is just wanting to sleep. Pac actively said he wanted to do nothing but sleep now and Richas KNEW what that implied, he himself knows best what that out of Pacs mouth means because I'd like to think that that's what he learnt in the early days of the favela 5. That's how he learnt to deal with emotions because Pac had always been the one to be so open with his own to Richas. It's why Richas didn't stop him. It's why Richas just helped him get to his room and sat at his side while he played a melody in hopes that he'd ease some of the emotional pain his dad currently carried. Richas still ended up being the emotional rock in this, but his behavior with Pac was so much more emotionally charged yesterday. He was so much more vulnerable himself because he is so much more similar to Pac and actually seeing it this obvious was almost painful.

Richas and Pac are used to dealing with their emotions on their own so for Richas seeing Pac break this openly infront of him was distressing because he knows how much it takes for someone, who buries distress deep down so he can carry the weight of others peoples feelings, to break this upfront. To dump all his emotional pain onto someone and I feel like Richas was for the first time openly struggling to be a emotional rock until he gathered his bearings.

And I'd like to think that he slept alongside Pac for the same reasons yesterday, hoping that the dreams would take any tears away that were so close to falling while he was awake.

[plaindangan]

in a comedic, lighthearted, but not without some sexy tension and dirty words : Over the span of 6 month, each month kaede gets NOTICEABLY thiccer, turning into a mega milf version of herself barely 4 month in. We follow maki in a 6 part reaction (1 part per month) as she sees the slow but STEADY and large progression of kaede into a sexy mega thicc pornstar sized cutie (and of course each single month maki gets more and more jelly)

Disclaimer: R18 material! If not to your liking then please do not view!

January

“I was told to keep a journal entry of my time in Hope’s Peak Academy recently, though, quite frankly I find it a waste of time. But, Hope’s Peak wants me to keep a written record of my monthly time here so I’m forced to go through with this. Honestly, though, I don’t see the point. It’s not like I expect much will happen here that it needs documentation. I guess I can talk about the people here…but, really there’s only one that kinda, sorta, catches my eye and isn’t God annoying.”

“Kaede Akamatsu? That pianist girl…she’s not as annoying as the rest, and even kind of…tch. Why the Hell am I writing that down for you?! Look, here’s a pic of her. Just a regular blonde girl. That’s all, nothing more, nothing less. For what it’s worth, she’s pretty okay in my books. Just wants to help about the class, leaves me alone, isn’t trying to annoy me to death. At the very least, I can work with her.”

“...And don’t ask why I have a picture of her, alright?!!!”

February

“...Okay, I kind of take back my ‘regular blonde girl’ comment. Kind of. Sort of. Honestly, I think I might need my eyes checked a bit. Because over the course of this month…I swear something’s up with her body? It’s nothing too strange, but, she’s…bigger. I guess that’s the word I can describe her?”

“Look, here’s a picture of her.”

The picture itself was of Kaede sitting on her desk and seemingly talking with someone. Compared to how Kaede looked before, the most obvious difference was that her boobs had significant increase from expected to ‘how the heck did Kaede’s shirt and vest fit them’?  It was if someone stuffed balloons into them, and it wasn’t helpng that her skirt was a tad shorter too. Giving you even more of a look at her fluffed up thighs~ 

“Perhaps, she’s just an even later bloomer than expected? I mean, it’s really nothing that special. She’s still the same Kaede as before. Annoyingly peppy and trying to help others out. Though…can’t help but feel she’s also a bit…dimmer now? Probably just my imagination.”

March

“Okay, so it’s not my imagination and she really isn’t a regular girl, because how the fuck do you explain this?!!

In this, Kaede was leaning against a hallway wall - without a care in the world. In this photo, Kaede looks as if she said ‘screw that’ to a few things. One, she was no longer wearing her sweater vest, instead option to just rock the dress shirt full time. The problem that entailed came with how it was very obvious her boobs couldn’t be contained by it. Similarly to Akane, a lot of her cleavage was showing, but in contrast to the gymnast, Kaede’s tie was slipped between her boobs and, aside from the button holding her boobs in place, Kaede had left the rest of her buttons undone to show off her chubby belly in the shot. Skirt wise, while it didn’t get any shorter, Kaede was now clearly wearing a pink thong and was rocking it unashamedly. You also can’t help but notice that her lips were now glossy pink and she had a fake, pink, butterfly on her cheek as well. 

“What the Hell is going on? She’s so…flashy now. How the Hell and why the Hell does she grow this much and not…? Ugh!!! Is there a scheme in place?! Maybe…maybe I have to go looking around. This isn’t normal. Nowadays, she’s acting almost like a kinder, if sluttier, version of Miu. I see her take so many guys and girls into side rooms now that it seems like a miracle if she ever comes to class. Then again, suppose with that body now, people she could always fuck her way to straight A’s now.”

April

“Update - I’m currently at my wit’s end. I’ve been studying and looking out for any signs of who or what could be affecting Kaede and haven’t found much of anything! What could be the reason she’s like this? Wha could have transformed her so thoroughly each month? Here’s how she looks now...”

For this photo, Kaede was standing at the side in a classroom or the other, eyes downward (probably captivated by some cock or the other). At this point in time, Kaede pretty much ditched the dress shirt and tie. Replacing it was a bright pink crop top that…honestly, wasn’t doing much to ever really conceal the jumbo sized milkers. But, at this point, you doubted she cared, especially considering half of her nipples were practically showing out. Trailing downwards, you’d see that Kaede now had a belly button piercing and a star right above it. To compliment it, or simply because she wanted a switch up, she was wearing magenta booty shorts that still kept the thong peaking. Given how Maki took this angle from the side, you would now be able to see the shelf of an ass that Kaede was carrying and how little those shorts were covering it up. Looking up top, Kaede still rocked the glossy lips, but now had heart-shaped sunglasses on top of her head, in addition to a heart-shaped tattoo being on her left cheek now.

“As for demeanor, yeah at this point she’s pretty much what you think a blonde bimbo would be like. She’s giggly, kinda shallow, doubt she has much brain cells in use - and really fucking horny. She’s gave up any attempts at trying to be subtle. Now, she just walks up to whatever person she wants, kisses them on the lips and practically fucks them wherever they’re at. Hallways, buses, outside in the park. I’m sure she’s done it everywhere on campus. That stupid sexy, whor-fucking Hell. Scratch the sexy part, damn it!!”

May

“Got hopeful news and annoying news. Because, fuck you, I’m giving the annoying news first. That’s what you get for reading this far.”

“Annoying news first is that Kaede’s body and demeanor is still growing…and I think it’s catching on somehow? First, bodywise, she nows looks like this:” 

For this pic, Kaede was outside, waving and strutting down a sidewalk - with sheer confidence exuding from her. It seems as if Kaede had reached her final form. The first thing that would jump out at you is the fact she had gotten quite the tan, with her skin being quite the shade of brown. Encompassing such skin is the thinnest of things that can qualify as clothing: Pasties and a thong. Sure, there were other minor accessories she was wearing like a gold necklaces, bracelets, and hoop earrings, but when it comes to the major stuff that covered her completely? Yeah, no. 

The pasties were heart shaped, being plastered haphazardly over each nipple. It was sloppy, but at this point, one couldn’t blame Kaede for the change. By now her boobs were so big, not only where they easily dwarfing her head, one could likely fit several other people’s heads between them with ease. On her boobs, ‘PIANO’ and ‘SLUT’ were tattooed on the left and right respectively. Of course, her boobs weren’t the only thing that could be taken note of. On the thong front, it was sinking deep withing a giant meteor of an ass, and from the angle Maki took it, you could also see that running down the side of her right cheek to her right thigh was a stream of music notes. Still cared about her passion even as it’s clear it’s taking a back seat to a more ‘lewd’ interest.

“Seriously, why the Hell does she get to look like this?! I…I clearly don’t want to look like that either, it’s just…anyways. You see what she looks like right now, but that kinda pales to what she’s doing. At this point, she’s now doing 18+ lives streams that I know makes her big bucks given how much I can overhear her catty mouth at night, moaning. Got everyone looking at her now, and…looking up to her? More girls at the academy are trying to emulate her…and a lot of them are looking like her. Even stuffy types like Kirumi or high-class girls like Sonia? They’re looking and acting more like her…?”

“...Which leads to the good news, I think I might have found a lead to the source? Apparently, it’s connected to some new drug or the other by a ‘Ms. Zetsubo” chick or something? I need more information, but, hopefully, by next entry, I’ll have something that’s worthwhile…”

June

There’s only one sentence and a photo for this entry.

“SORRY! SORRY! LOL LAST POST OR SUM SHIT! HEAD IN 2 BEACH WITH THE BITCHES THIS SUMMER!! BAAAAAAAII~ XOXO!!”

Attached to the photo was a photo:

The scene seemed to be a hotel room, and in it were two people. Both naked, though with one In the back ground a Maki with lipstick running all over her body, a lovesick smile on her face and eyes lit up in elation. Hm? Was it just you or did her boobs seem bigger as well? Well, perhaps that can be examined some other time as the main focus in the shot was a naked Kaede.

Giving you a wink and kissy face, alongside the V-sign?