#my quote unquote best friend just does not give a shit about me
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I’m pretty sure my sister is one mileven comparison of my best friend and her stupid boyfriend from throwing her chappal at me
#IM SORRY BUT THEYRE SO MILEVEN CODED#my sister: …and what I suppose you are the byler#me: …no comment#except mike had an EXCUSE okay he was repressed and in love#my quote unquote best friend just does not give a shit about me#anyway#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#i WISH I could explain her behaviour with internalized homophobia but no she’s just immature and LAME
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CHICK-FLICKS!
eijiro kirishima x fem!reader
synopsis: eijiro was given a tip on a way into your heart
“what are you watching?”
you looked behind the couch to see eijiro leaning himself against it. the sound of uncomfortable groaning came from the television. you grabbed the remote to pause the movie.
"bridesmaids!.. have you never seen it?"
kirishima raised both eyebrows still looking at the screen.
"i think i would've remembered a girl taking a massive dump in the sink"
turning to the television you tilted your head.
"she is taking a massive dump isn't she?" you went to find the remote again "sorry about that. sometimes i forget what i'm watching can be weird since i've seen it so many times. i'll watch it in my room"
he placed a hand over yours to stop you from turning it off.
"whoa! i never said to turn it off. i'm invested now" he hopped over the couch settling in next to you "so what is braidsmaids and what does it have to do with shitting in a sink?"
"well when you put it like that it sounds horrible" you gave him an innocent look making him smile "but it's about this one girl who's friend is getting married and she's doing her best to help plan it. but then this other girl swoops in and acts like she's that girl's best friend so it just makes the original best friends plans look all stupid and messed up so-" you stopped taking notice to the look on his face. the lights were on, but nobody was home "you don't understand a single thing i'm saying to you right now do you?" he rubbed the back of his neck a sheepish smile forming on his lips.
"nah, i'm sorry. i got lost after that one girl.. who was the girl.. who isn't her best friend?"
"don't hurt yourself" taking the remote you rewinded the movie back to the beginning.
"you don't have to do that! i probably would've gotten it eventually!"
you shook your head "nope! you are going to experience everything this amazing movie has to offer" so you settled back into the couch making sure to place your bowl of treats between you.
"oh! i forgot to warn you. the first scene is a little.. much"
but kirishima wasn't watching the screen all too much. he had his crimson eyes subtly gazing at you every chance that he got. the boy had a major crush on you, but wasn't sure how to get an in. every time he tried to start up a conversation with you, he wouldn't know what to say, which would end up with mina coming over to save his ass. that was until mina gave him some pointers.
"listen dude. you can't keep freezing up around her like you’re kaminari after he short circuits" she imitated the boy making him laugh until he realized she was insulting him.
"hey! it's not my fault! every time she looks at me i just want to give her a kiss. a really long kiss"
"ooookay lover boy. let me help you out. i'll list out things that she likes then you can say what you can connect with her on" mina got up and started walking back and forth in her room. she started listing everything that you loved "those cute farming games, crochet, watching chick-flicks.."
kirishima snorted as she said the last one.
"what is a chick-flick?"
"it's like a movie that is made quote unquote 'for women' but everybody should watch them cause they're freaking amazing"
he thought for a good moment. watching movies seemed to be the easiest (and quickest) thing to learn about.
"okay, i'll talk to her about these flicks"
"even better" mina sat next to him with a smile "every friday night when the class goes to those weekly karaoke nights, she stays home and watches them in the common room. she calls it her 'recharging time'"
kirishima nodded with a smile.
"looks like i'm clearing my plans for friday"
He went to say something but stopped hearing the disgruntled moans coming from the screen.
"y/n! what the hell are we watching?"
"that's not fair! i told you that the beginning was a lot!"
the two of you made light conversation throughout the movie. him asking questions, and you asking if he liked it so far. by the end, the two of you were in a fit of giggles as the credits rolled.
"see? i told you that it was a good movie!" you moved to face him fully.
"ok, that was pretty funny. the real question is though, are all chickflicks this good?"
"uhh yeah!" you squinted your eyes at him curiously before putting your hand out "what about this. you come back for the next couple of fridays and i'll show you just how good they can be"
kirishima looked down at your hand with a wide grin. he took it in his giving it a shake “deal” you both let the handshake linger for a couple seconds longer before hearing the door.
letting go of his hand you smiled seeing iida and mina come through the door “hey! we decided to come home early. everything okay?” she asked raising her eyebrows subtly at kiri. he gave her a smile and nodded over at the television.
“everything’s fine. we’re just watchin’ a movie��
taglist! @sagejin @aejabba
let me know if you want to be added!
#honeipie#anime#bnha x reader#mha#writing#x reader#drabble#kirishima eijirou#bnha eijiro kirishima#my hero academia#kirishima x reader#kirishima eijiro x reader#mha eijirou#eijirou x reader#kirishima eijiro fluff#kirishima x y/n#mha kirishima
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ah the feel-good, snoozefest, milquetoast ending i feared and expected.... in both its highest points and its lowest points ONLY FRIENDS was a case against fixed pairings
i skipped forward all of the topmew scenes in this one again, so this episode was probably a cool 30 mins for me. i’m preaching to the choir i know but they were SUCH a glaring weak point in this show. to the point of unwatchability. they did top so dirty, man. you can’t root for a character who’s just so…cardboard. you can’t even love to hate him. did he have a meaningful conversation with anyone other than mew in the entirety of the series? top was underdeveloped, mew was kind of a drag (revenge era notwithstanding). the tension there was just not giving.
a lot of their post-ep2 relationship development was to build up to mew’s devastation, and to wink-nudge at the audience. any topmew tension before the reveal came from us knowing what top and boston did, while an oblivious mew just thought top was checking all his boxes. removed from the context of the secret, they just went on a series of boring dates, lol. and then we were back at square one with top trying to prove himself to mew--this time without the tension of the big secret. naturally it fell so flat. and goddamn did they give these two a whole lot of screentime. who enjoyed this? did force//book fans even enjoy this? (unless any of their scenes in the last two episodes were somehow good because. lol. i did not watch them)
nick going back on his “i love you the way you are, you don’t have to change” in the eleventh hour SUCKED majorly. seeing boston grovel SUCKED even more like REAL BAD. one big happy friend group, right where they started, sucked. and boston being left alone in the end like that was not fun for me
he was rebuffed during the new years kiss. he was allowed no rebuttal after nick insisted that he would be happier alone, when boston had just said he can have feelings for nick and simultaneously want to sleep with others. yeah his communication skills left something to be desired, but you really could make the case that this is because the boundaries he DOES set are constantly crossed by others--so why should he bother even setting them? idk his ending did feel kinda punitive, i agree with a lot of what i’ve seen, but it also felt just unresolved. what was the point of his last fling with nick?
idk they should have let bostonnick be “nasty” (big quote unquote here) together. boston is still endlessly interesting to me i will probably have more today on this. forever my favorite only friend, forever that girl
at least we have sandray. the bi4bi sandray mutual crush on keira knightly was the episode highlight for me because yeahhhh, same (episode highlight, aside from the almost-threesome in the pool. and sand owning his status as DOG. and first kissing force). as @jolselin said. time and again firstkhao really outsold. the only friends tagline: firstkhao outsold. forget everything i said about fixed pairings
and the mix cameo…i should’ve dropped my “here’s how mix in only friends can still win” post yesterday. know i screamed. and boeing, gone as suddenly as he arrived, was a lot of fun. it’s greedy but i would’ve appreciated just an inkling of what his deal was. and i also wish this show leaned into its absurdity a little more.
okay a harsh review and thumbs down for the last episode. but if there’s a second season or spin-off I will ABSOLUTELY watch. this shit was so hysterical and fun and wild and sexy. this was my best friend’s first BL and we basically spent a full hour every saturday cry-laugh-yelling “what the fuck” at the screen. from the baffling music cues to the ubiquitous bubblegum pink lip tints, and with the exception of topmew, it was such a blast. thank u jojo et al
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hiya!! just wanted to say i am absolutely losing my mind over your writing, genuinely its a masterclass in writing. i aspire to your level of creating a scene and wonder if you have any tips on writing for the things you enjoy / in general? any and all tips are so so appreciated. thank you again for sharing your talents with us. - <3
omg omggg i love it when people ask me things, and yes absolutely, i have some tips that (i hope) are helpful to you
i got a bit long-winded with it, so i'll put it under the cut.
without further ado:
the thesaurus is your friend. any time i'm writing—whether it's an essay for school, or fanfiction, or occasionally even an e-mail to someone i don't know terribly well—you best believe i'm switching from one tab (google docs, e-mail, etc.) to the other (thesaurus.com) like it's a professional sport. it's a quick, easy, and effective way to switch up your writing by avoiding redundancies in word choice.
read, read, read, and then go read some more. ever since i was quite young, i've done quite well at written assignments of all kinds—fiction writing, research papers, etc. i don't say that to brag; i say that to set up the following point: i truly believe that so much of what makes writing come somewhat naturally to me now is a credit to the many hours, days, years i spent with my nose so far into the spine of a book, it's a wonder i ever got it back out again. i look at my writing now, and i'm able to pinpoint a number of patterns that can be traced directly back to the writing styles of authors i admire. reading the work of others—whether it be fanfiction or a published novel—will give you a better sense for what flows and what doesn't, what evokes emotion in readers and what merely provides filler, what you wish to emulate and what you wish to do differently.
be experimental! don't be afraid to switch around word order, or utilize dialogue in lieu of descriptive text, or alter the flow of the narrative from the typical linear plot convention. especially when we speak of fanfiction, there are a lot of exceedingly common "-ism"s (phrases, word choice, etc.) that appear again and again across the board in a large majority of works—which isn't necessarily a bad thing, to be clear. that said, it does sometimes complicate matters if a goal of yours is to make your writing stick out. and honestly, if you try something and it doesn't work, who cares? writing is a continual exercise in learning. but if you try something, and it does work? hoooly shit. it's a great feeling.
proper grammar, spelling, and formatting are not the be-all and end-all. sure, when i'm reading a fic, it doesn't escape my notice if the grammar is wrong, or a word is used incorrectly, or the formatting choices do not match up with what i might've opted for. but guess what? i'm not the author, i'm not their beta reader, and unless they specifically asked for that feedback, it's not my place to give it. what's more: good writing is not synonymous with quote-unquote "proper" writing. (see: prescriptivism.) for me, barring the case in which the prevalence of writing errors renders the work completely unreadable (which has literally never happened), i don't actually give a shit if the author wrote "your" when it should've been "you're." phonetically, it's the same. plus, english is hard, even for native speakers! (this goes for any language, mind you.) if the concept of the story is good, and it's compelling enough to keep me clicking that "next chapter" button, you best believe i'll continue doing exactly that—and enjoy the hell out of it.
proper grammar, spelling, and formatting are not the be-all and end-all—to a point. i know, i know, i just said they weren't- look, i'll explain. and, as a brief caveat: this is highly dependent on how much the breadth of the audience you're trying to reach matters to you. that said, let's get into it. on numerous occasions, i've seen fanfiction readers (particularly on tumblr) post about instances where the formatting of certain fics has actively discouraged them from reading. especially paragraph breaks. and, in the case of the tumblr site itself, including a "read more" for fic posting. although i have and continue to read fics that make minimal use of paragraph breaks, and/or don't include a "read more," there have been occasions where i've seen these formatting choices and have elected to simply not read the fic. if it's on ao3, i'll often mark it for later, but at this point, my "marked for later" list has surpassed a mile wide, and there's no telling when i'll return to it—if i ever do. proper grammar and spelling are less of an issue, it seems, but formatting can prove to be a deciding factor in whether or not people take the time to read what you've written.
write for you, not for anyone else. if you're a fic writer, requests are a great way to engage with your readers. however, you shouldn't write them for the sole purpose of appeasing said readers—especially not at your own expense. i've seen a number of writers who, after starting an intensive schedule to fulfill requests from their followers/readers on a consistent basis (weekly, daily, etc.), eventually burn out, deactivate their account, and go on hiatus—sometimes indefinitely. so, take care of yourself. never forget why you started writing and, if applicable, publishing your works. to this day, i have yet to meet a single writer whose motivations for writing have simply been recognition and renown. sure, that can certainly constitute some part of it, but above all else, we do this shit because we love it. so, take your breaks. pace yourself. write what you want to write. you, and the writing you produce, will be better for it.
alright, those are all the points i could think up for now. again, i did get slightly long-winded with it, as i'm wont to do, but i did my best to not ramble. also, most of the examples i used had to do more with fanfiction than any other type of writing, so i hope that was okay. you're welcome to message me if you wanna chat any more about this (or anything else, really)!
anyway, thank you for this absolutely lovely ask. it made my week <3
#thesaurus.com my beloved#i had a wonderful time making this list thank you again anon#ask#answered#writing
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so um
i've been thinking (a lot) and i realized that the word friend doesn't mean shit. like honestly i feel like the label "friend" or "best friend" gets thrown around a lot and if you use that word with someone then they're supposed to be like better than the rest of your friends idk? this is kind of my opinion since my quote-unquote best friend uses it a lot because we spend more time together then anyone else.
and i think that's fair. honestly i never really thought about it much until now, because that kind of best friend does not equal the level of trust that i think a best friend would share with you.
this makes no sense right now and i don't have any fucking idea why im writing it because no one will take the ten minutes to read this and actually understand it
like i think the only best friendship I've ever been able to see is aled and frances. like they're honestly so comfortable and open with each other and would do anything for each other which is allonormatively considered a couple-y thing when its not- its just trust. and platonic love. which is important for everyone, but i think people on the aromantic/asexual spectrum find it especially important.
because tbh my "best friend" doesn't feel like someone i'd be able to trust. she makes me feel kind of uncomfortable. shes suffocating. it feels like she cares but it feels like she's fake. idk- my mom said sometimes in relationships there's always a part where it feels kind of weird or boring, but i feel like this is different... idk. enough about my dumb life.
and that is why i think im so fucking fed up with life, because love is so important (if aplatonic-aro people exist, you are excluded from this. keep rocking). and ever since my life went restart because of le covid ✨ i lost like 99%. of the people i could talk to. now the only people i have left are my parents, who have issues mainly with each other, my 6 closest friends, and that fake bestie lol.
so... yeah. love. its important. honestly i feel like you could be popular and have 50 billion friends but if you didn't love anyone you'd feel like shit and want to die. and its not your fault if you do, and its not really anyones' fault unless they just hate you, in which case it is their fault and i will come over and punch them for you :)
without any of that platonic or romantic love? you feel empty. i feel empty. i hate it so bad. i only feel good when I'm with people, people that haven't broken my trust or pushed the limit with me, just people that generally give off good vibes. the best kind of people are the people that you can have silences with and it not feeling awkward as hell.
thats why i want to crush on someone, bc romantic relationships already include this kind of thing. but the allo people I'm surrounded with do not fucking understand; they never will, unless they find my tumblr account, which will never happen, because they don't give a single fuck
#shitpost#aromantic#platonic love#relationships#friendship#god i hate my life#so much#so so much#bet im not getting any likes on this post#*rereading* oh i wouldn't want to read this either#oops#my posts
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You know, it’s actually really sad right now with Paloma.
Like, she doesn’t have anyone she can really trust right now. Not a single person that is really on her side and that makes me so sad for her.
Her friends are all obviously shit, her supposed best friend is horrible. Javi keeps pushing her away and being horrible to her and just fucked the supposedly best friend so why the hell would she trust him?
She has nobody and I just wanna give her a hug. I honestly hate that Javi just had to do that with Sloane… you say the fluff is near but I would have such trouble forgiving him for that. Yes, he’s single and he can do whatever he wants. But what does it say about him as a person that the one girl he goes for is Palomas best friend? Idk, that just feels too deliberate. Bc come on, he definitely knew Sloane wouldn’t keep quiet about it and Paloma would somehow find out! Also, when Sloane mentions Paloma and he basically just ignored it and kept going, even though that was the biggest red flag.
Idk, he definitely needs to do something bc just saying sorry isn’t gonna cut it lol
she's literally gone through so much in the past... however long that she's been dealing with this shit!! so yes, i'm also in the same boat. group hug?
but also that's kinda august's goal here... to detach her from all those around her to the point where she feels like she has to go back to him and fulfill this quote unquote prophecy that he keeps feeding her (which btw do y'all think it's real or is it just a giant manipulation thing that's been going on for decades?!) which is why he sent sloane to deal with javi. to further drive that wedge between them. but it seems to be doing the opposite...
and as much as javi wants to be a 'better' person... it's a lot more complicated to navigate than he thought ?! yeah sure he hasn't put much effort in and it feels like everything he does contradicts his goal but nobody's perfect and it takes a lot of trials and errors until some breakthrough is made... right? isn't that what they say in therapy? 🤔 (i ask as if i don't have a whole degree in psychology)
granted it was a huge oversight for him not to expect sloane to yap to her bestie…. he's an idiot, i fear. a self aware fool who knew even as he was doing it that fucking her was a mistake but he still went through with it... what's that meme that's like 'them red flags look green when i'm horny' bc that's him to a T and as stated in chapter 5
Always thinking with the wrong head. It’s his achilles heel.
then in chapter 10
[...] his bad habit of losing himself in women
so the flaw is there and he KNOWS it, it's just the overcoming it that's kicking his ass
paloma, my beloved, is a small town girl that’s never experienced ‘love’ or anything remotley like this. add those conflicting emotions on top of all the lore about her mom… and well, she’s clinging to anything that she can. she’s way too forgiving which is her character flaw (how quickly she forgave mr. thorton for jumping at her. how easily she forgave javi the first time he ghosted her) i do plan on talking about that more next chapter(s) :)
sooo yes you're right, why WOULD she trust him when all he's done is hurt her and a simple sorry won't fix it but we're gonna see this thing through together OKAY?! tysm for stopping by and leaving this lil spiel in my inbox; it's always a pleasure reading comments from readers <3 ALSO I HOPE I DIDN'T PISS YOU OFF TOO BAD OKAY STAY WITH ME
#���� you’ve got mail!#thoroughfare vibes#i could talk about them all day you guys don't even know#my gdocs and desktop are filled to the brim with different analyses and headcanons 😫
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netflix & chill
summary If you planned things right, you could rain down your raging displeasure on Jeon Jungkook right after the meal but before this proposed ‘Netflix and chilling,’ maybe dramatically throw your glass of wine at him, before storming out of his place and reporting him to the authorities (Namjoon) for his douchebag personality. warnings grinding, 2 seconds of sub kook, oral (f), cum eating, vanilla but [ passionate ], unprotected sex, dirty talk tags use of the oldest trick in the book (“your hands are sooo big”), shy oblivious AND gentleman jk? pick a struggle, brief ment of app developer kook, evil and conniving oc wc 10.2k !! wow!!
will I ever write a serious jk fic? NO. this entire thing was based off this pic of jungkook which i’ve said before that i would print out in sepia filter and crumple and stuff in a drawer n then tell my kids 35 years from now was a long lost lover i met on a cruise to the bahamas and never saw again ty to mia more @daechwlta for being there during my brief crisis over this fic 🥺
When Namjoon had first not so subtly mentioned the idea of setting you up on a date, it was with a faux air of disinterest that you had masterfully pried the details out of him. Namjoon has a friend, he said, a friend who was kinda sorta attached to his hip. And while Namjoon loved the kid, he also thought this friend could use some social interaction outside of Namjoon.
Now you and Namjoon weren’t exactly the most conventional of friends for him to be proposing blind dates to you at whim. He was your senior at school, your mentor in your scholarship program, an educated man studying for his masters. So when he’d first uttered the words you were immediately on the fence. Sure, the two of you knew each other well and probably got along better than most mentor-mentee pairings among your year, but you doubt Namjoon knew enough of your tastes to offer you up for a blind date.
According to Namjoon, his friend was a kid in the same year as you, making him not so much as a kid as he was your classmate. You brushed it off at first, spewing some bullshit excuse that you’d rather focus on your studies, and how dating was a distraction to your education, as if you hadn’t spent the weekend prior binge watching some Spanish novella while you dutifully ignored your essay.
The second time Namjoon mentions it you agree on the spot. Life on campus could only be interesting for so long, so you might as well make the best of it and go on as many stupid dates as possible.
Namjoon is over the moon.
He tells you he’ll pass your phone number on over to that friend of his—“Jeon Jungkook”—and promises you you won’t regret this because his friend was amazing, really. And for Namjoon to sing his praises for just any underclassmen was unheard of. In fact, besides you, you don’t think Namjoon knows many other students younger than him, and if he did, you hardly doubt he would regard them so highly.
So he gives his friend your number, and so ends your weekly meeting with your mentor. You only realize on the walk back to your dorm that you forgot to ask him about some club at school, the whole goal of this week’s meeting, but by then you don’t really care, the whole conversation fading into the background.
In fact, you forget about the whole ordeal until Friday night rolls around and you’re once again, binge watching another novella on your laptop, when your phone suddenly vibrates.
You were by no means a loser at school, a friendless nobody, but you were also not the outgoing, school-spirited student on the front page of your school’s website, and thus had nearly every app that could produce a notification on your phone muted, every text thread silenced. The only notifications and messages you allowed were from your email and from your roommate, and considering the fact Doyeon was face down in a puddle of her own mid-semester tears right across from you, it was probably your email.
Much to your surprises, it isn’t that “Monday’s Class is CANCELLED” email you were hoping for, but instead some unknown number in a text notification. You roll your eyes, click it open thinking it’s a reminder from some store or from some guy claiming to be from your bank, only to pause at the words written inside the little grey bubble.
hey its jungkook!!! joon gave me your number to I guess ask you on a date soo are you free tmrw night??
The excessive punctuation reminds you a little bit of your kid sister back home and the dorky emails she’ll send you from time to time. It’s with that memory and a smile on your face, that you’re suddenly reminded of what exactly this message is saying. “Oh shit,” you mumble, moving to sit up and reread the text. Doyeon complaining loudly in the background has you reading it twice more before you understand it, and by then there’s a fluttery feeling in your chest.
You were by no means easily swayed by people, but this guy had received praise from Kim Namjoon of all people, so he definitely had some prestige to his name. He doesn’t seem overbearing from this one text he’d sent, but he also didn’t seem completely disinterested.
You try to match his nonchalant energy, letting him know you were in fact free and down to meet him, just to let you know more details.
You won’t lie, there’s a giddy feeling bubbling within you at the prospect of getting all dolled up, hitting the town, pawning a free meal off some unsuspecting college soul, and maybe even hitting it off. It’s been a while since you’ve dated, sue you.
Jeon Jungkook’s response crushes those dreams as well as hurdles you straight into a nightmare.
cool!! was thinking i could cook for us at my place, drink a little wine, maybe Netflix and chill a little bit??
You are blown away by the absolute gall of this man, to butter you up by painting a pretty picture only to reduce you to a mere booty call. The fact he had felt confident enough to say all that within the same sentence blows your mind.
Did this Jeon Jungkook, who you had no idea of what he looked like, who had no idea of what you looked like, seriously just invite you over for some quote unquote Netflix and chill?
Who, in the ever living hell, was this guy who so sleazily invited women over to fuck with no qualms about who they were?
You’re offended that Namjoon would set you up like this, pawn you off to such a greasy friend. But then again, you guess not everyone knows their friends thoroughly, because this Jeon Jungkook flirtatiously inviting your over for some sex sounds nothing like the golden boy Kim Namjoon had raved about earlier this week. You click your phone off, tapping the device against your lips as you ponder how to best rip this jerk to shreds via text.
It’s amidst Doyeon cursing out her statistics teacher that an idea hits you.
Tomorrow was Saturday night, and as far as you knew, you really didn’t have anything else going on for you anyway. You’d take Jeon Jungkook’s offer, let him cook you a free meal and drink some of his wine. He mentioned having his own place, and vaguely you remember Namjoon saying he lived alone, hence his introverted tendencies, so you could slip in and out without doing that walk of shame through a boy’s dorm hall.
Not that there would be anything to feel shameful about. In fact, if you planned things right, you could rain down your raging displeasure on Jeon Jungkook right after the meal but before this proposed ‘Netflix and chilling,’ maybe dramatically throw your glass of wine at him, before storming out of his place and reporting him to the authorities (Namjoon) for his douchebag personality.
Ha! That would certainly teach the asshole not to use his poor, unsuspecting friends to reel in nice girls like you into one night stands.
You could practically feel the devil horns begging to poke out of your skull, the forked tail wiggling behind you, as you click your phone back on and text Jeon Jungkook a great!! what’s your address :)
——
Saturday morning and afternoon are as boring as they usually are. You do a little homework, and spend thirty minutes filling Doyeon in on your master plan, which she eats up and even gives you some pointers—“and then you can be like, ‘you sick freak, as if I’d let you near this 5-star, Michelin reviewed, Gordon Ramsey approved coochie’ and throw the whole plate at his head!”—before getting ready for your little date at Jeon Jungkook’s.
You try hard to look good, harder than you would have if he hadn’t offended you by reducing you to a booty call, and Doyeon helps. She does your eyebrows all nice and natural, dusts the thinnest shin of liquid highlighter across the high points of your face, the whole shebang until you’re looking like a sexy, glowing goddess. You shimmy into a pretty dress, nothing too fancy nor too casual, and even pull on those strappy sandals you’d bought on sale last winter before blowing a kiss to Doyeon and meeting your Uber downstairs.
You don’t quite remember what the reason behind Jeon Jungkook living in such a swanky neighborhood a few minutes from campus was, if it was from a job you vaguely recall Namjoon mentioning, or if it was just purely hereditary, but his place is nice. It’s a connected townhouse, something you’d expect a newly wed couple to live in and not some douchebag third year.
Worse comes to worse, you get banned from this rich neighborhood after humiliating one of its residents in his own home, not that you’d ever make it big enough to live here anyway.
You’d texted Namjoon sometime that morning to let him know you were meeting his friend, an ominous text with an even more ominous smiley face attached to it. But it seems Namjoon is easily blinded by underclassmen he trusts, if Jeon Jungkook’s assholish feats and your own suspicious behavior is anything to go by, because he texts you back a polite have fun! he’s a little shy, so it might take a while for the ball to start rolling hahahaha.
Shy my ass, you think closing the door of your Uber behind you. You double check the address that had been texted to you, walking up to the neat townhouse and knocking against the polished door.
It’s a little chilly, and you hope finding an Uber is easier later tonight when you make your grand escape. It’s between these thoughts that the door swings open, revealing the most handsome man you’ve ever met.
He’s attractive, disgustingly so, with dark hair and light brown tips to contrast, tickling his cheekbones. His dark eyes are round and imploring as they meet yours, gaze almost innocent and doe like as he takes you in. He’s got this soft, blue turtleneck on, and it looks like it should be a seasonal sweater reserved for the holidays but he pulls it off nicely on this premature spring night. His pretty pink lips move, and it takes you a second to realize he’s talking.
“___?” He says, and his voice is deep, yet soft in its own unique way. You nod, like a stupid bobble head, because your throat constricted the moment this beautiful angel opened the door. “It’s cold outside, come in!” He urges you, out stretching his palm to make sure you don’t trip over the slight step up the door as he brings you into his home.
“Hi,” he exhales when you’re finally inside, standing a little too close to you in his small entryway.
“Hi,” you finally choke out, a little dazed by how handsome he is, and the sudden realization that you’re supposed to throw your glass of wine at him tonight because he’s a douchebag dawns on you. You blink yourself out of your stupor, taking a step back and gesturing towards your sandal clad feet.
“Oh!” Jeon Jungkook exclaims at the sudden realization. “I forgot to set out a pair of slippers for you,” he sheepishly admits, before he excuses himself to go get some. There’s a tiny ottoman pushed against the wall, beneath a long mirror, that you take a seat on it, carefully unstrapping your sandals.
All the while, you’re deep in thought.
It makes sense that someone like Jeon Jungkook was so forward in inviting you over for sex during your first interaction. Realistically speaking, the guy had it all. He lived alone in a swanky townhouse in a wealthy neighborhood (you finally remember Namjoon saying he did some app developing for major companies—yeah, still in college but already making it big because he was that good), and looked like the blueprint for the perfect man, someone who’d impress your parents. On top of that, the man was was a 21st century Adonis. You hadn’t missed the flash of ink on his knuckles, or the way his jeans had hugged his legs.
He’s making his way back now, inspecting the slippers in his hands, and you don’t miss the way the jeans are pulled taut around his thighs in particular.
Yeah, he definitely knew his way around a woman’s body, there was no way he couldn’t have.
You slip your feet into the slippers he places before you, wiggling your toes around, before glancing back at Jungkook. He smiles warmly, a little beauty mark beneath his lip making itself known. He takes your hand, pulls you up onto your feet, and begins guiding you down the hall and to what you assume is the kitchen.
“I didn’t know what you liked, and I figured asking you three hours before you came over would be too awkward,” he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. He glances at you again, and upon seeing your inquisitive stare, quickly turns away with flushed cheeks.
Oh this man knew the game, and he knew it well.
Jeon Jungkook still thinks he can play that cute campus boy being set up by his senior card now, after he’d shown you his true colors last night via text. But he has a big storm coming. As much as you could admit he was good to look at, you would not be fooled by some pretty face and tasty food. No, you came here with one goal and one goal only, and that was to give Jeon Jungkook a piece of his own two-faced medicine before running off to tattle to Namjoon.
You reach the kitchen and the heavenly smell of Alfredo sauce swarms your nostrils. “I… I’m still new to cooking, so I hope you don’t mind some Alfredo pasta,” he admits, shy smile adorning his features as he avoids your gaze once again to toy with the dish towel by the sink.
You creep closer to the counter, where two meticulously presented ceramic plates sit beside a wine bottle, and the glands in your mouth suddenly go into overdrive in their rush to make you salivate, and you choke out an overly eager, “it looks amazing!” before you know it.
Okay, you came here with two goals.
——
Jungkook carries the two bowls in his big hands to the dining room beside the kitchen, and you follow behind with the bottle of wine and two glasses as you set the table together. The utensils are already there, but Jungkook runs back into the kitchen anyway to return with some fancy cloth napkins for the two of you.
Just as you're tugging a chair out to sit, Jungkook beats you to it. “Ah, let me,” he smiles, and your heart thunders nervously in your chest as you return the expression, brushing your hands beneath you before sitting down and letting him push you in. Jungkook takes his own seat in front of you, and before you can dig in he calls out to seemingly nobody, “Alexa, dim the dining room lights.”
The overhead lights dim, and with their overbearing glow gone, you can finally appreciate the battery powered candles snuggled neatly into a little bowl on the table between you two. You ooh appreciatively, and Jungkook looks proud of himself.
Then, he says, “Alexa, play…Date Night Playlist.”
You blink, and a soft piano tune begins filtering through a speaker he’s hidden somewhere in the room. Even with the fake candles being your main source of light, the flush on Jungkook’s cheeks is evident as he gestures towards you to eat.
You won’t lie. Jeon Jungkook was extremely endearing.
This much becomes evident the further you get into the meal. As small talk devolves into full fledged conversations and story telling, his shy demeanor slipping away but still sticking to the edges of his personality, you begin to have a more difficult time connecting this Jungkook to the one who had less than 24 hours ago asked you to come over and “Netflix and chill” with him.
But the more you speak, the more distant that image begins to feel. For one, Jungkook does put on a fairly reserved aura for you, telling you about his job but refusing to brag about it even when you egg him on. He has no qualms gassing up his friends, Namjoon in particular, who Jungkook claims is his role model for some unknown reason, given the fact they are neither in the same major nor in any of the same clubs. They’re friends, point blank period, but Namjoon is very obviously a star in Jungkook’s eyes.
Additionally, he’s quite embarrassed to admit why Namjoon had been so set on getting Jungkook to date, but eventually tells you it’s because Jungkook’s last girlfriend had been during your freshman year—two whole years ago! It makes you wonder what he’d been doing since then, if he’d used the time to fully invest in his work or if he’d been mingling around, unbeknownst to his friends, which would explain the flirtatious offer that landed you here.
Still, a part of you refuses to believe last night’s Jungkook and tonight’s Jungkook were one in the same, and if they were, what had made this shy man so unabashedly invite you over for some sex. Was this act all a ploy? Or maybe, was he purposefully trying to ward you away by coming off as a gentleman now that he’d seen your face and wasn’t interested in you anymore?
Apparently it’s neither of the two, and you don’t realize this until you finish your meal and make your way into his living room to finally get down to the long awaited Netflix and chilling. It’s only when you sit down on the couch, smack dab in the middle, because at this point, you’re not gonna throw your wine at Jeon Jungkook like you planned, he was too nice. And if this niceness was an act to get in your panties, you didn’t care at this point. He was hot, achingly so, and at least you’d get a good fuck out of it.
But as you said, apparently not. Because Jeon Jungkook sees you purposefully take up the entire middle of the couch, sultry eyes staring him down, and decides to sit flush against the armrest, somehow leaving a good foot between the two of you, despite the fact you’re sitting next to each other.
Your brain can’t work fast enough to comprehend the situation, before he’s asking you what you want to watch. “Um,” you say, pointedly staring at him and not the screen. “Tr-Transformers?”
The way Jungkook’s eyes light up is insane, already round eyes nearly popping out of their sockets as he eagerly rushes to select it from whatever streaming service he has, probably not even Netflix, all the while chattering on about how much he loves that series, and is so glad you do too.
The whole time, you’re struck by the oddness of his casual tone, the way he’s overly invested in the 20th Century Fox opening, and how he’s very carefully avoiding intruding in on your personal space.
The last point in particular has you wanting to pull your hair out, because you want Jeon Jungkook intruding in on your personal space. You want him pressed so tightly against you you can’t breathe, you can’t move, until you’re drowning in him as he finally lives up to his promise of some Netflix and chill, because you want him, and you want him so. very. bad.
“Oh, I forgot the popcorn!” Jungkook exclaims, and you jump at the sudden volume of his voice, because he’d been pretty silent as he avidly watched the first few minutes of the movie. “Sorry,” he chuckles, and his leg brushes against yours as he shuffles between you and the coffee table on his way out. You vaguely hear the popping of the popcorn in the kitchen, but you’re too distracted by your suddenly overwhelming thoughts.
Okay, one thing was for sure, and that was that Jeon Jungkook definitely had no fucking idea what the phrase Netflix and chill meant, because the way he’d zeroed in on the movie and the popcorn, and not you, was unheard of on such invitations. You deduce he probably heard it somewhere, and, now understanding the true nature of Jungkook’s sweet and shy personality, made no such perverted connection to the phrase.
Which meant he most definitely did not demean you to a mere booty call, like you’d deluded yourself into believing, someone he could hump and dump with no regrets, before calling Namjoon up to thank him. Which meant he’d had no ulterior motives in meeting you tonight, just planning to get to know you at the suggestion of his friend, and had—unbeknownst to him—successfully wooed you thus far.
Which was great! If you turned a blind eye to the evil, conniving plans you’d made without even meeting the guy, and the subsequent flood of self-inflicted disapproval when you realized Jeon Jungkook was a sweetheart who definitely did not deserve having a glass of wine thrown at his face after making you a home cooked meal and giving you the full Olive Garden experience, with his dimmed lights and candlelit dinner and piano music on the background.
Yeah. Perfectly fine.
The only problem now was that you had become so dangerously smitten with the man that you wanted to sleep with him. You wanted that Netflix and chill, needed it like it was the last slot in a daycare class and you were a soccer mom of five wanting to get at least one kid out of the house for the summer for the sake of her own sanity. You were desperate.
No, you scold yourself. This was fine, this was good, this was perfectly okay. If anything, this just further made you enamored with Jungkook, because it proved how gentlemanly he was by not trying to sleep with you on the first date.
But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to, the devil on your shoulder crooned.
The microwave in the kitchen stops, and you hear the sound of cabinets opening as Jungkook pours the popcorn into a bowl. On screen, the main character is meeting a bunch of giant cars-turned-robots, you don’t fucking know.
But the devil was right.
Jungkook hadn’t offered to sleep with you, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to. Furthermore, that didn’t mean he couldn’t be seduced into wanting to, your evil brain suggested, and the hope that had slithered it’s way into your chest from the very moment Jungkook had opened the door, took that fact and ran with it.
“What’d I miss?” Jungkook says when he returns, popcorn bowl in hand.
“Oh, um, he was with the car,” you offer, trying to stop the nefarious smirk from slipping onto your features. Jungkook laughs, cute and airy as he shuffles past you.
He’s too absorbed in the screen, not looking as he sits down, closer than last time until his thigh brushes yours and he jerks back in embarrassment. “Oh, sorry,” he flounders, goes to move away but you act fast.
You grab onto his upper arm with both of yours like an octopus, keeping him flush to you as you gaze up at him with wide eyes. “No, it’s okay,” you rush to assure him, loosening your hold as he tentatively relaxes beside you. You glance down at the popcorn bowl in his hand, swiping a piece to pop between your lips. “It’s easier for us this way,” you say, and you’re pulling that straight out of your ass, because you hate popcorn and have literally zero desire for it and wouldn’t have reached for it anyway if you weren’t trying to convince him this was all for popcorn sharing purposes.
Jungkook’s eyes briefly flicker down to where you’re munching on that popcorn, your lips, before he’s quickly averting his gaze. “Ah, y-yeah,” he agrees, and though he tries to relax back into the couch, you can still feel the tension of his muscles as he settles beside you.
With his eyes no longer trained on you, you snuggle closer into his side resting your cheek against the soft material covering his shoulder, finally letting that devious smirk slip onto your face. You keep yourself close to Jungkook, loving the way his warmth permeates the thick sweater he’s wearing, even if he’s still overly into the movie. You know he’s seen it before, because he keeps telling you random tidbits like, “they use this in the next movie!” Or “he ends up becoming really important in the sixth movie,” and you want to listen to this endearing nerd’s commentary, you really do, but once your brain is stuck on horny, it is stuck on horny.
He doesn’t even eat a lot of popcorn, setting it down not ten minutes later onto the coffee table. You release him as he moves forward, but quickly latch onto him again when he sits back down.
Much to your surprise, Jungkook is way more relaxed then, shrugging you off to rest his hand on the couch behind you, and you inwardly squeal at the prospect of getting to cuddle up to his body, and not just his arm. You cuddle in close to him, leaving your slippers on the ground as you tuck your legs up onto the couch cushions.
Jungkook is so warm and firm, and you know it’s your horny brain speaking, but you swear you feel a tight set of abs underneath the palm you rest on his stomach, and you give an experimental brush over the area. His heart picks up, you hear it by where your head is leaning against his chest, and you tilt your head up to give him a curious glance. His cheeks are red, and he doesn’t look at you even though you know he sees you, so you decide to kick things up a notch.
You sigh loudly, peeling yourself away from him to properly level him with a pout. “Jungkook, aren’t you hot in this?” You ask, pinching the wooly material between two fingers and pulling it from his skin. Jungkook finally looks away from the screen, nibbling his lower lip as he takes in your quizzical expression.
“Um, only a little… but it’s fine!” He rushes to say, and you recall from your conversations over dinner that Jungkook doesn’t much like people fussing over him, so you quickly change gears.
You press a hand against your cheek, the same one that had been resting against his shoulder earlier. “Oh, well… it’s really itchy,” you announce, and his eyes widen, one hand absentmindedly reaching to clutch the material at his chest. “It’s making me really itchy,” you emphasize, and part of you feels bad for taking advantage of his caring nature, but this is all for the greater good, you convince yourself. “Do you mind taking it off?”
“I, uh, yeah,” he agrees, reaching for the hem of his sweater before carefully peeling it off. When he pulls it over his head, you can’t help the triumphant grin that overtakes your face, though you quickly mask it when he finally frees himself from the material. “Better?” He says once he’s clad in only a plain black shirt.
“Mm, much,” you sigh, and nearly soak your panties then and there when a tattooed sleeve comes into view. “Woah!” You exclaim, snatching his wrists up to examine his skin. “What’s this?” You marvel, tracing every inch of delicious skin with your predatory gaze. Jungkook huffs out a laugh, and you glance up to watch as he rubs the back of his neck in that same embarrassed way he’d done multiple times throughout your night together.
“My tattoos,” he says, and then seems to realize the simplicity of his statement and rushes to add to it, “I hope you don’t mind?”
You hum, shifting onto your knees to face him as you continue tracing over a huge tiger lily by his forearm. “Why would I? It’s your body,” you say, and watch the nervous glance melt off his face as he regards you with something new. Something akin to wonder as he lets you trace over more of his ink, nodding along to your words.
“Yeah… yeah!” He agrees, and you grin at his sudden zeal. He chuckles, physically relaxing beneath your touch, and it’s probably the most relaxed he’s been all night as you continue rubbing your hands over every tattoo on his skin, and then purposefully focusing on the ones near his bicep. “Sorry, ‘m just used to people pushing off their own opinions about them onto me,” he explains, and for a moment, the horniness that had been fueling you all night fades away, and you let your hands trail down, past his wrist, until you’re sandwiching his hand between yours.
“Fuck what anyone else thinks,” you tell him, eyes hard as you imagine anyone imposing their stupid thoughts on Jungkook, who was too good for this world. “If you think they’re cool, then they're the coolest thing in the world.”
He smiles at you, and you’ve seen this smile about a million times tonight—when you first came in, when you talked about yourself at dinner, when you mentioned this stupid movie—but it has something swelling in your chest. Something too intimate for a first date, so you quickly move to repress it.
Glancing down at his hand in yours, littered with smaller tattoos across his knuckles, your brain whirls into action. Bringing it up between the two of you, you turn his hand over to line your palms up. “Wow, your hands are so big,” you sigh, slowly reverting back to dirty thoughts as you twist yours and Jungkook’s hands this way and that. He snorts, bends the tips of his fingers over yours just to hear you ooooh again.
“Yeah, they’re pretty big,” he agrees, completely ignoring the film playing on the screen, which is a huge win in your eyes considering how deeply he’d been watching it earlier.
Finally, you see an opening and pounce.
“Well, that means something else is pretty big too,” you murmur, chancing a glance up at his face. His face is the perfect definition of composed, and you can tell when exactly he processes your words because those little pink lips part in surprise, red slowly filling the apples of his cheeks. You let go of his palm, letting it slide between your fingers until it falls limp beside him.
Jungkook watches you with wide eyes, as you raise yourself up onto your knees. “Jungkook?” You mumble, giving him no warning before you’re throwing a leg across his lap, knees pressed into the couch on either side of his thighs.
“Y-Yes?” He stutters, brown hair falling away from his face as he stares up at you. You flash him a sweet smile, and you can tell it relaxes him because his fists unclench beside him.
“You’re a really nice boy,” you sigh, and when you’ve scooted your knees a little closer to his ridiculously thin waist, you finally let yourself sit. You find yourself right before his crotch, which he desperately tries to hide as he shifts around, but can’t with you on top of him. You let your hands flutter to rest at his shoulders, and he gulps. “You’re so sweet and cute,” you add, relish in the flush that climbs up to his ears. “But I’m a little sad you invited me over to Netflix and chill, but won’t do just that,” you pout, a finger tangling itself in a soft strand at the back of his head.
“Huh?” He stutters, eyes nearly bulging out when you wiggle around again. “I-I’m sorry?” He huffs, and when you move too close to his crotch, where his jeans are slowly growing more and more strained, he panics and reaches a hand out to steady your waist.
You feign confusion, flashing him another pout as you duck closer until your noses bump against each other. “You know what it means, don’t you, Jungkook?” You inquire, eyes falling dangerously lidded as you swallow up every inch of his appearances.
He stutters, hands moving up and down as if he doesn’t know where to put them anymore. But you know exactly where Jungkook can put those hands, and you waste no time catching his wrists in your hands to guide him towards your hips. “No?” He breathes, fingers flexing against you, and you smile sweetly at him.
“It means,” you purr, shifting forward until you’re flush against where you need him most. You can barely contain the whimper that climbs out of your throat when you finally feel the rough material of his jeans against your panties. “It means you wanna fuck, Jungkook,” you exhale, tossing your head back as your body basks in the slight reprieve, the way Jungkook squirms beneath you aiding greatly in providing that sensation you craved.
“It’s nothing more than an excuse,” you huff, placing a hand on the back of his neck to steady yourself. At your touch, Jungkook jolts, thighs jumping beneath you and you stifle another groan when the zipper of his jeans prods against your core. “For you to fuck my brains out while some s-stupid movie plays in the background.”
You’re not sure when, but sometime during that last explanation your hands had fully delved into the thick tresses of Jungkook’s hair. You give an experimental tug, and poor Jungkook, so lost in all that you’re telling him, lolls his head back for you easily until the long expanse of his neck is available, soft creamy skin yours for the taking.
You pounce, kissing the skin gently at first, before sprinkling in a handful of nibbles. He’s sensitive, devastatingly so, as he gasps at a particular suck. You suction your lips on the spot below his ear, carefully biting down on the skin as he unravels beneath you. “Will you do it, Jungkookie?” You murmur against the shell of his ear,
He nods eagerly, and his fingers hurt where he’s pressed them deep into your waist, like he’s trying to brand you as his with his mere strength alone. “Y-Yes,” he exhales, hips jerking when you swipe your tongue over the pretty mark you’d left on his perfect skin.
You smother your smirk against his neck, grinding down on him once again. “Yes what?” You tease, and let his strong hands roll you against him afterwards.
“Yes, I-I’ll…” he stumbles, eyes dazed as he watches you through hooded lids. You raise a brow at him, shifting in his lap. It’s enough to kickstart him back up, and he’s biting down on his lip hard enough to draw blood. “I’ll fuck you, I’ll fuck you just like you want,” he rambles. He surprises you when he begins rutting up against you, so animalistic and uncontrolled, nothing like the sweet Jungkook that had indulged you over dinner. “I’ll make you come, p-promise,” he rasps.
You smirk down at him, hoping he doesn’t see the metaphorical horns sticking out of your head the further he falls into your trap. Before he can say anything else, you surge forward, slotting your mouths together for the first time that night.
It’s no surprise that Jungkook kisses just like he speaks, carefully like he’s afraid one hard press of his lips will ward you off. His lips are smooth, a fact you’d hyper-fixated on all night as he spoke, but before you can ponder on that any further, something hot and wet is prodding at your lower lip.
The gasp you barely manage to contain ends up escaping anyway when Jungkook’s hand comes up to cup the side of your face, tilting your head to the side as his tongue slithers into your mouth. You become obsessed with the way he touches you, every bit the gentlemen he’d been all night, fingers just barely pressing into your cheek like he doesn’t want to mess up your makeup. His other hand, snuggly wrapped around your waist, pulls you tighter against him until your chests are pressed together.
And that tongue. That tongue of his that leaves no room for argument, quickly shutting down any attempts of yours to overtake him. He’s graceful about it too, one nudge enough to convince you he’s got this, he’ll take care of you. You whimper, a sound Jungkook swallows before he’s biting down on your lower lip.
When he pulls away, his lips are red and glossy, and you wonder if yours are too. “Fuck, you’re so pretty,” he sighs, gazing at you like he can’t believe you’re there in front of him.
Before you can say anything else, he’s burying his face in the crook of your neck to brush kisses over your skin. “Let me eat you out,” he begs, but his voice is so silky and smooth that it doesn’t sound so much as a plea as much as it does a suggestion. He licks a stripe up your neck, and you jump in his hold.
It’s at this moment where the sudden realization hits you, the feeling of having the reins yanked out of your hands. You so vividly controlled every aspect of Jungkook just a few moments ago, when you’d had your own mouth on his neck, and carefully coaxed him into some sex.
But it seems Jeon Jungkook isn’t as soft or as pliable as you had dubbed him to be, and if the way he’s begun subtly rolling your hips into his crotch is any sign, he certainly wasn’t the submissive type either. Which leaves you wondering, exactly what type of person was Jungkook in bed?
Well, you had all night to figure that out.
“Hey,” he whines suddenly, ripping you out of your thoughts. You glance down at him, registering the bored set of his eyes and the unimpressed quirk of his lips. “Pay attention to me.”
You blink, lips twitching. You can barely muffle the giggle that tears itself from your throat, leaning your forehead on his shoulder as your body shakes at his suddenly childish words. Jungkook chuckles too, as if suddenly realizing how out of place his own statement was. “Sorry,” he smiles, cheeks pleasantly rosy and you can’t even stop yourself from kissing him silly.
Jungkook, bless his heart, let’s you rain down a good three kisses on him before he’s pushing you down on the couch beside him. There’s still a slight gleam in his eyes, but the rest of his face schools itself into a hungry expression as he drinks in your body laid out before him. “Let me eat you out?” He asks again, voice but a soft whisper.
You nod, heart beating loudly in your chest as he shuffles down until he can press a kiss to the tops of your thighs. He hasn’t even done anything that intense yet, but you already feel the muscles in your leg ready to spasm just from his proximity.
He’s mouthing at your skin, nudging your legs apart, and you, usually so confident in your sexuality, can’t find the courage to look at him as he so lovingly carries out his ministrations.
As if sensing your sudden bout of shyness (you! shy! Doyeon was gonna tease you about this for the rest of your life once you recapped this for her), he places a soft kiss just below where the hem of your dress begins, before pulling back and uttering, “this okay?”
You hum in response, face warm from just imagining how good he must look down there, peppering your skin with kisses. Your heart nearly rips itself out of your chest when a strong set of fingers wraps around your wrist suddenly, sliding over and around your hand until he’s tangled them with yours.
At this, you nearly break your neck trying to look at him, only to be met with an amused smile. Jungkook gives your hand a squeeze, and you barely get to appreciate the schoolgirl flood of emotions in your chest, when suddenly his free hand comes out of left field, cupping the back of your knee to push your legs further apart, before gliding across the expanse of your thigh to push your dress up.
If Jungkook holding your hand was enough to make your heart skip a beat, Jungkook pressing a chaste kiss to your panty-clad mound was enough to send you into cardiac arrest. Your leg twitches at the sudden touch, a gasp catching in your throat at the delicate path he kisses over your panties, until he’s flicking his tongue over your clit. “Oh,” you moan, and against your better judgment, your free hand is tangling itself in his silky strands.
Jungkook smirks, what sounds like a tiny chuckle muffled as he continues mouthing along your sex, until your panties are soaked both from your arousal and his saliva. Your little thong stares him in the face, and he groans at the sight, glancing up at you with those wide eyes of his like you’re his entire world. “Can I?”
Jungkook gives your clit one final kiss, before he lets go of your hand, and you can’t help the whine that leaves you upon the lost contact. Jungkook eats it up, pressing a kiss turned smile against your knee as he tugs your underwear down. It coils up as it goes, until he’s pulling a tightly twisted maroon thong off your ankles, and tossing it off somewhere behind him.
If his mouth felt good through your panties, it feels even better without. You mewl when he brushes his lips over your clit, plush lips working your sensitive bundle of nerves, sly tongue occasionally creeping out to toy with you further. “Jungkook,” you cry out, back arching. He licks and slurps likes he’s a starved man, and you're the first meal he’s ever had. You want to sob from how good it feels, his tongue flicking over your bud like he just can’t get enough.
He pulls away to catch your gaze, doesn’t let it go as he runs a lone finger over your slit, coating the digit in your own arousal, before carefully plunging it into your warm, wet heat. “Is this good?” He rasps out, watching your facial expressions carefully as he wiggles his finger deeper into your core, his other hand wrapped around your thigh to keep you still. You moan, feeling like a boneless heap of organs beneath this insanely handsome man who can’t keep his hands off your quivering pussy.
His fingers don’t let up, slowly pulling out before plunging back in. The room fills with disgustingly wet sounds, but that fact drifts to the back of your head the faster his fingers go. Your eyes roll into your head, your body twitching with each press of his fingers.
“Is it good, pretty?” He repeats, and since you’re not looking at him anymore, the sudden lick against your clit has your back arching and your thighs quivering with surprise. “Tell me it’s good, ___,” Jungkook croons, and you nod in a hurry.
“It’s good!” You cry, moaning loudly when he slips another finger into you, scissoring the two inside of you. “It’s so good, Jungkook—y-you’re so good,” you moan, and nearly cry actual tears when he curls his fingers inside of you, pressing down against the most sensitive spot within you.
Jungkook doesn’t let up, continues licking and slurping against your sensitive bud, even when your orgasm hits and you’re begging him to stop. He doesn’t let you go until he feels the warmth coat his fingers, feels the wetness begging to seep out of your plugged pussy. He lets you go then, only to move closer to your hole and replace his fingers with his mouth. There, he carefully catches and collects the cum that trickles out, mouth warm against your trembling body.
Your body quivers with each long drag of his tongue over your sensitive cunt, and you’re about to ask him to stop, when he finally pulls away and pushes himself over you, arms caging you in as he stares down at your withered form. “Kiss,” you manage to gasp out, and Jungkook raises an eyebrow in question. “Kiss me,” you repeat, and then, thoughtfully, “please.”
Jungkook complies, leans down to connect your mouths in a sweet kiss. You’re blinded by the delicacy of it all, that you in no way see coming the sudden substance that slides down your throat from his own. You choke at the sudden intrusion, belatedly realizing it’s your cum he’s pushing down your throat, the cum he didn’t swallow.
“That’s it, pretty,” Jungkook croons, licking up the residual come that hadn’t made it into your mouth. “See how you taste for me. Isn’t it sweet?” He murmurs, pushing his tongue into your mouth as if he regretted not saving any for himself. It’s the first time you’ve had your own pleasure in your mouth, so you’re not exactly sure how to feel. What you do feel is the overwhelming surge of arousal at seeing Jungkook rave about it and lap it up inside your own mouth.
He kisses you for a few moments, mouth moving languidly along yours. One hand reaches down to rub soothingly at your inner thigh, like he’s coaxing the feeling back into your body after lulling you into one of the most heavenly orgasms of your entire life. You whimper when he bites down on your lower lip, like you’re still too sensitive to reciprocate, but Jungkook doesn’t mind. He lets you go, licks over where he’d bitten like an apology.
After a few minutes of just this, of feeling like the most cherished girl in the entire world, Jungkook finally pulls away and levels you with a dashing smile. “All good?” He asks, hands still trailing up your waist until they’re framing the swell of your breasts, where he gently circles your nipple.
You nod, dazedly staring up at him and it’s at this exact moment that you realize there’s something stiff poking at your hip. You glance down, and Jungkook glances down with you, until you’re both staring at the hard on he’s hiding beneath his jeans. Jungkook chuckles, low and dark by your ear as he experimentally presses it against you.
Before you can stop yourself, your hand is untangling itself from around his shoulders and slithering down his front. You cup his erection, his shaky exhale giving you the courage to toy with his belt buckle until it’s undone and you're battling with the button on his jeans instead. You put up a good fight, but in the end the angle is too tight for you to properly undo it, and Jungkook brushes your hands away with a soft kiss to your lips.
He pushes himself off you, and you’re immediately craving the warm press of his body against yours the second he’s gone. “Get that dress off for me, pretty girl,” he says, pulling his shirt over his head, rendering you completely speechless as you gawk at his body. Jungkook glances down at you as he goes to undo his pants, a shapely brow raising in your direction and a soft quirk of his lips gesturing for you to do as you’re told.
You spur into action, wiggling the dress up and over your breasts until you’re pulling it over your head and letting it drop beside you on the floor. You’re just in time to see Jungkook push his jeans down his hips, a classic black Calvin Klein underwear band glaring back at you.
The chance to marvel at Jungkook’s thin waist framed by that tight underwear is gone as quickly as it came, and you’re greeted with an even more mouthwatering sight when he pushes the elastic band down, and that big cock you had alluded to springs out of its confines. You groan, subconsciously rolling your hips into the air as you take in the sight of his cock, mushroom tip swollen and flushed. There’s a thick vein that runs along the underside of it, one you only see when Jungkook grasps his dick in his hand and tugs upward like this isn’t his true form, and he can get bigger.
“Ready?” He asks, biting down on his lip as he continues to stroke himself. You nod, wiggling closer to him until the backs of your thighs rest on top of his, knees knocking against his waist. He grants you one more of those kind smiles, before he’s leaning down to press a hand beside your head, the other lining himself up with your soaked entrance.
Running his cock over your folds one last time, collecting as much of your cum as he can, he brushes a kiss against your cheekbone before he’s pushing in. You moan, throwing your hands around his neck as he pierces through the initial ring of muscle surrounding your warm heat. “Holy shit,” you choke, mouth dropped open as you pant like a dog against his shoulder. “J-Jungkook,” you cry, legs tightening around his waist the closer his body presses against yours.
Once he’s at the hilt, pelvis flush against you, you can’t help the series of whines and mewls that escape your lips from being so comfortably filled to the brim.
To your surprise, Jungkook is the first to speak. “Fuck,” he groans, breath hot against your ear. He sounds fucked out, once silky voice raspy with need as he grinds his hips against you tentatively. “This is what you wanted, isn't it?” He huffs, both hands coming down to wrap around your waist, your back arching under the wonderful hands that find themselves squeezing every inch of your back in an effort to pull you closer.
His mouth brushes against yours from this new position, and Jungkook puckers his lips, tongue coming out to lick at your bottom lip. You nearly cry when he finally pulls his hips away, relieves his cock from your tight heat before surging back in. “Wanted this from the moment you walked in, didn’t you, sweetheart?” Jungkook grunts, repeats the same motion until he’s picked up a steady pace of pushing and pulling, each roll of his hips sending a shock of ecstasy crawling up your spine.
You nod, eyes screwed shut as pleasure warms every inch of your body. It’s even worse to not see, because every sound and every touch is magnified tenfold, until you’re drowning in sensations. Jungkook’s choked groans, the slide of his hips, they all become too much too quickly and you’re choking back a sob.
“Fuck,” he groans, glancing down at your withered form like an animal as he picks up his pace. His hold on you tightens, never letting your body move away from him and he begins jack hammering in his thrusts, swallowing your cries with his lips. “Had me thinking you were a nice girl,” he huffs, and you wonder if he knows how tightly he’s holding you, how this grip will most likely leave you with fingerprint bruises tomorrow morning. But then again, you don’t care. All you care about is Jungkook’s voice and his body, guiding you toward completion. “But all you wanted was a quick fuck.”
You steel yourself to look at him again, and when your eyes finally open and focus, you’re wishing you hadn’t because Jungkook looks so hot over you. His pretty eyes, the ones that had led you into a false sense of comfort throughout the night and tricked you into believing he would be easy to bend to your every whim, are hard now. “Isn’t that right, doll?” He spits, and you whine when he punctuates this question with a particularly brutal thrust of his hips. His balls slap against your ass, and you squirm beneath him as you begin to feel the beginnings of an orgasm build in your core.
“I-I thought—“ you stammer, tone pitched from the way he jostles you with every thrust he gives. “Y-You wanted that,” you weekly defend, canting your hips down in a feeble attempt to progress this along.
He snorts, captures your lips in a rushed kiss where he wastes no time snaking his tongue inside your mouth. His saliva trickles into your mouth, and you whine as he purposefully lets it happen, pulls away just the slightest to pucker his lips and let a thick trail of spit fall straight into your open mouth. Satisfied with his little stunt, he rams his cock against you once more.
“If you wanted a quick fuck,” he says, nearly loses himself in your pussy, “you came to the wrong guy, sweetheart.”
You’re too caught up in the nice drag of his cock against your pussy, the tip of his cock stopping him from ever pulling out completely, that it takes you a second to process his words. “H-Huh?” You choke, teary eyes flickering across his face wildly as if the answer will be right in plain sight.
But all you’re met with is the soft pull of his lips as he flashes you a smirk, pearly white teeth tugging at the pink flesh, as he levels you with a glare of his own. Before you can question him further, he’s letting go of your waist to hike your knees into the crook of his elbows, his pouty lips growing further away as he leans back.
This shift has his cock nudging up, rubbing against the hood of your clit where a bundle of nerves he’d only briefly brushed before sits. You shriek in pleasure, writhing beneath him as the sudden sensation hits you full force. “Jungkook!” You sob, his hips slowing to a grind as he watches your face crumble beneath him.
“You like that?” He murmurs, rutting his hips against you shallowly. The change of pace, the rabid piston of his hips slowing to this, has your body melting into his touch. You barely manage a nod, eyes fluttering open and shut as his hips move sensually against you.
His cock brushes against that sensitive spot with each roll of his hips, and you’re a mewling, puddle of emotion by the third thrust. “Pretty girl,” he hums, letting go of one leg to place a hand above your mound, thumb circling your clit until you’re trembling beneath him. “Did you think I would fuck you and kick you out?” He husks, watching your body like he’s a lion and you’re his prey.
Your brain is far from comprehending anything at this point, reduced to a mere mass of nothingness as he continues moving against you, fingers rubbing your clit in all the right ways.
“Well, you were wrong about that, doll,” he huffs, and you’re blessed with the sight of his head lolling back as he loses himself in the tight grip of your pussy, skin glistening with sweat, trailing from behind his ear and over his neck, until you’re watching a pearl roll over his collarbones. “I don’t do that,” he informs you, and he pinches your clit between two fingers, hard enough that you almost miss his next words as you moan. “No, baby, I’ll fuck you and keep you forever,” he spits, and you whimper at his words. Finally, he lets go of your knees, right as you’re teetering on the edge of an orgasm and you moan out in protest as he ducks down to cage you between his arms again.
“Please,” you beg, voice hoarse as his hips slowly return to their pace from before. He’s still not pulling out as much, keeping his thrusts shallow as he kisses a trail up your neck and over your jaw.
“Gonna fuck you so good, you don’t ever want to leave, pretty,” he says, kisses the corner of your mouth as his hips pick up pace. You wanna cry, feeling so warm and cherished in his arms, his voice telling you how good you’re doing as the coil in your stomach tightens and tightens until you’re begging him for more. “Do you want that?”
“Yes! Yes!” You sob, rolling your hips against his like a madman as you chase your high.
Jungkook hums, smile smushed against your lips as he watches you desperately writhing beneath him. “Yeah? You want that?” You nod, mewls swallowed by his kisses. “Then cum for me, pretty girl.”
You whimper, just as he bucks into you once more, and suddenly you’re falling apart. It starts in your lower back, the ecstasy climbing it’s way through your body until you’re quivering and sobbing in his embrace, muffling your sounds against his shoulder. The muscles in your entire body tighten painfully, until suddenly a wave of contentment washes over you, and you’re too weak to even hold onto him anymore, arms flopping back onto the couch cushions beneath you.
The whole time, Jungkook mutters encouragement against your jaw, keeps his thrusts short but quick, guiding you through your orgasm. When you’re done, he presses an open mouthed kiss beneath your ear, pulling away to look at your boneless frame beneath him.
A few pistons of his hips later, and Jungkook is coming inside of you, cum coating your walls as he hammers his way through his orgasm. He pulls out when he’s done, and you instantly feel your mixed arousal drip out between your thighs.
Woozy from the wine and the two orgasms, you fall asleep soon after.
——
“Good morning,” you murmur, standing at the doorway leading into the kitchen, an area you’d only been able to find after stumbling around the upstairs of the house in confusion.
Jungkook whirls around, wide eyes taking in your appearance. You clutch at the hem of the big t-shirt you’d pulled on, the only article of clothing you saw that was thrown over a chair in a bedroom you didn’t dare snoop around. “Morning,” he exhales, calculating gaze never leaving you as you tiptoe over to him by the counter.
He doesn’t say more, spluttering into action when you peek over his shoulder to see what he’s up to. “What’re you making?” You inquire, and his hands begin fidgeting with the knife.
“Oh, um,” he stutters, and perhaps he’s overly aware of your presence so close beside him, because he suddenly doesn’t remember how he’s supposed to cut an avocado. Cute, you think. “Just, um, toast with avocado spread…”
You hum. After a moment, it seems Jungkook is able to quell his nerves, and he carefully slices the avocado open, spreading its innards across the toast. He hands you the first piece, which you take after masking your own surprise, and soon after he’s turning away from the counter as the two of you eat in silence.
After a few thoughtful munches of bread, you speak. “Thanks for carrying me to bed,” you say, refusing to look at him.
“You’re welcome,” he replies, almost a little too fast and you barely bite down a grin as he rambles on. “Wasn’t gonna leave you on the couch, especially not when you were so tired after… ah, yeah.”
It’s the reserved way he carries himself that gives you the balls to look at him. His ears are flushed adorably red, like when you were at dinner last night talking about his job, and all you wanna do is pinch his cheeks. “Yeah,” you agree, and then add with an air of faux shyness, “you were really cool last night.”
It’s the little devil in you begging to jump out, curious to see how far you can push Jungkook before he shifts into that suave version of himself from last night, and you would feel bad had the corner of his lips not tilted up in amusement.
He chokes out a laugh, mutters a “yeah?” and you don’t stop yourself when you jump into his arms and kiss that avocado spread right off his lips.
——
On Tuesday afternoon, Kim Namjoon is in the midst of delivering another sermon-like speech on the importance of utilizing your student ID when visiting any of the Starbucks within a two mile radius of your school, when you spot a chestnut head of hair from the corner of your eye.
“Sorry, Joon! My ride's here!” You yelp, shoving your notebook into your bag as you stumble over yourself in your haste to leave.
Namjoon blinks. “Huh? I thought you lived on campus?”
You nod, that giddy feeling starting up in your chest as he comes closer to where you and Namjoon have taken up residence on a table in the commons for your weekly meeting, and by the time he reaches the table Namjoon is still in the midst of questioning you.
“Jungkook,” You say, all dreamily and dazed, and you know this because Doyeon caught you with this same exact look on your face after he dropped you off at the dorms Sunday afternoon.
Namjoon startles. “What the f—“
“Hi,” Jungkook beams, leans down to brush a kiss against your cheek, which only serves to make you even more ditzy and dumb in the face of this handsome man. “Oh, hey, hyung.”
“What’re you doi—“
“All set?” Jungkook asks you, completely ignoring whatever his beloved senior was saying in favor of taking your bag off your shoulders. You nod, have to swallow a giggle down when he takes your hand in his. “Bye, hyung.”
“Bye, Joon!” You barely remember to throw over your shoulder, too busy wrapping yourself around Jungkook’s arm to hear Namjoon blabber in shock.
“Kids these days,” he huffs.
[ part 2 ; hulu & woohoo ]
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How Timothée Chalamet Channeled The Blockbuster Pressure of Leading Denis Villeneuve’s ‘Dune’ Back Into His Role – Venice Q&A
DEADLINE: In a few days Dune will premiere at the Venice Film Festival. You first met Denis Villeneuve about the role in May 2018 and started shooting in the early half of 2019. It was always going to be a long journey, but the pandemic stretched it even further. How does it feel to have finally arrived at this moment?
TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET: You know, I like to think that with every film I’ve done, whether it’s Call Me by Your Name or Beautiful Boy, The King, or Little Women, the character you play is almost a piece of your flesh. And that’s always true, but simply from the perspective of how long the shoot for Dune was, and also the arc that Paul Atreides is on, as well as the huge love and almost biblical connection that so many people have for the book and the original film, it really felt… tectonic, if that’s the right word for it. Just getting to this finish line feels like: phew.
And independent of what the film is now, and what it has become, the experience of making it was I was put in such a safe environment, which you can never take for granted as a human, as an actor, but especially when you’re just starting your career, and when this is the first film of this size you’ve ever done.
To get to work with Denis on it, to get to work with someone of his caliber, let alone on a book that he considers the book of his youth and one of the things he has connected to the most… When he would have it in his hands on set, his body language would become that of a fan; of a kid who had fallen in love with the book at home in Montreal. And when all the kids around him were wearing hockey jerseys with their favorite players’ names on the back, this was a kid wearing a jersey that said ‘Spielberg’ on the back.
For it all to come together, especially with the added challenge of the pandemic, it has all combined to make this moment feel especially spicy [laughs].
DEADLINE: The entire ensemble will show up in Venice.
CHALAMET: Right. And I just can’t believe it; Jason Momoa has the number one film on Netflix right now with Sweet Girl, which I just watched. And since we shot, Zendaya has had all this success with Euphoria and Malcolm & Marie. Just to be part of this cast, period, let alone as one of the title characters, it’s really the shit you dream of.
And let me not forget, too—and I know I’ve told you this before—that The Dark Knight was the movie that made me want to act. That movie had a score by Hans Zimmer, and he has done the score for Dune. And it’s almost not what you’d think. It’s totally appropriate and excellent for the movie, but he has somehow managed to do something subversive, in my opinion. It’s a pinch-me moment all over.
DEADLINE: So, take me back to the start. Is it true you had a Google alert set up to track the latest news on this project before you were ever cast?
CHALAMET: Yeah, it’s true [laughs]. Not right away—Legendary had the rights and was developing it—but as soon as Denis got involved, I set up a Google alert and that’s when I got the book.
In total honesty, I think my understanding of Dune at that point was from a graphic novel I’d seen at Midtown Comics when I was shopping for Yu-Gi-Oh! cards when I was about 10. The year you and I first met, when I was there at Deadline Contenders with Call Me by Your Name, that would have been 2017 or early 2018, and Denis was there with Blade Runner. I remember I was trying to put myself in front of him as much as possible and set up a meeting with him. We had a night at the BAFTA where one of my good friends, Stéphane Bak—who’s also an actor—saw Denis across the room and was like, “Hey buddy, he’s right over there.” So, we went over to talk to him. I kept trying to put myself in front of him, but I didn’t really get a sense of the possibility [of working with him].
I was about halfway through the book when I got the call that he was going to be the president of the jury at the Cannes Film Festival, and I was in London prepping The King. He asked me if I could come out there, so I quickly busted through the second half of the book as best I could. So, like, the first half of my copy is properly annotated and full of my thoughts, and then the second half I just raced through. And then I had that meeting with him, and it was such a joy.
I’m struggling with this even now, as I’m working with Paul King [on Wonka], because he’s another guy I have huge respect and admiration for, and it’s hard to feel on a level. Not that you ever are, because as an actor you’re a cog in the machine, and you’ve got to be humble to the vision of the director. But with Denis, he was pacing around the room, throwing ideas around, in some fancy suite in Cannes, and all I could think was that a year before I was just sat on a stoop on 9th Street in the East Village or something.
DEADLINE: Was that your first time in Cannes?
CHALAMET: Yeah. Well, bizarrely, my sister would do dance camps growing up. Ballet intensive programs in a town called Mougins, which is nearby Cannes, so I spent a lot of time there growing up, but never during the festival, and not on the Riviera. To get to be there for the festival was just nuts. I went to see the Romain Gavras movie, I think, and it was just a huge joy.
I got attached [to the role in Dune] a couple of months after that, and it was nerve-wracking from the announcement, because like I said before, the fans of the book, and the fans of David Lynch version, the computer game, and everything, there’s so much love and strength of feeling. And so much of our pop culture and films and books have been derived from Dune, and all the philosophy the book. I’ve been shocked to learn how many people have a next-level connection to the book. I compare it to how our generation grew up with Harry Potter, and that one makes sense to me. But it’s cool to see with Dune also, when you actually sit down and read it… It’s not that it’s a quote-unquote “hard read” or anything, but it’s not made to be consumed easily, I think that’s fair to say.
So, I was grateful to be working on something of this size not only with Denis Villeneuve leading it, who between Polytechnique, Incendies and Prisoners had nailed the smaller indie film across languages, and then had nailed Arrival and Blade Runner, but who, in his own words, he didn’t feel he’d made his greatest film yet. But also, to be working with this cast. I don’t know if there’s some nightmare version of a film where a young lead is not supported by the rest of his cast, where every one of them had been the leads in their own huge projects. But on this, everyone was there to support, and I think it’s because we all wanted to be foot soldiers for Denis, and I think we understood the potential, based on the script by Eric Roth, Jon Spaihts and Denis, that this could be something really special.
DEADLINE: I don’t have a connection to Dune; this movie is really my first experience of the story. What strikes me is this is clearly an enormous universe—a broad canvas being painted with various families and factions and politics and mythos—but that ultimately it comes down to very elemental, human themes, and we feel them through this character you play, Paul Atreides. Did those themes help ground the experience for you?
CHALAMET: Yes, and I would give the credit entirely to Denis. He would constantly say on set that he had some opposing drumbeat or something. In my diminished intellectual standing, I didn’t understand it, but it was like some vision for the movie based on how biblical the book is that tries to tackle so much that it doesn’t tackle anything. I think he felt the need to be close to a character in it, and Paul is that guy in the book. He’s a character that is still in formation, like a lump of clay, which makes him a great figure for the audience to mirror off.
It speaks, I think, to Denis’ premonition and his directing ability that there were times when we’d move on from a shot or move on from a scene, and I swear, literally, we’d go back because Denis wanted to get something over my shoulder, or push in on my reaction, just to make sure [it stayed on Paul].
And again, it’s something where I’m pinching myself. I had the best time on Interstellar, and that was one of my favorite films I’ve ever worked on, but it was very much something where I was aware of when I had the opportunity to do real acting. And on a movie like Dune, again, one could think it would get lost in the scale and scope. But I felt every day like my plate was full.
DEADLINE: One of those themes is fear, and Paul must overcome his to become the person he needs to be. When you are number one on the call sheet on a project of this scale, and the cast list reads like an address book of Hollywood in the 21st century, and Legendary has injected hundreds of millions of dollars into this production, and it’s all falling on your shoulders, I have to imagine fear is a theme you can readily relate to.
CHALAMET: Oh yeah, and they can bleed into each other for sure—not to diminish the other work that goes in. It’s great when your life experience can inform the role. That’s not at all to say I’m on some crusade in the universe or anything, but definitely… And I had that same good fortune with The King I think. My life is not nearly as significant or as exciting as Paul or Prince Hal, but we all share an unwitting needle in the haystack feeling. On The King that feeling was because I was so new to having a career. On Dune it’s because of, as you say, just feeling the pressure of the hugeness of the project in all those different ways. Those things can absolutely inform each other.
And then there are the moments of glee that come, too, like seeing Jason Momoa running at you at a hundred miles an hour, or just getting to shoot the shit with Josh Brolin, or getting to do a scene with Oscar Isaac. I felt so supported, whether it was Rebecca Fergusson or Charlotte Rampling. When Zendaya came, it was a total breath of fresh air, and she’s one of my favorite parts of the movie. I just got really lucky, and I can’t wait to see them all in Venice.
Denis split the book in half, and the hope is a second movie will get a greenlight. That’d expand Zendaya’s role in the story.
CHALAMET: Definitely, Chani will play a huge role in the next film. I don’t know if there’s a script yet, but just based on the book, along with Lady Jessica [Rebecca Fergusson], they have a lot to do together, let’s put it like that. And Zendaya was incredible in this movie; the moment she pulls the mask down, it felt properly showstopping and powerful. I was hiding behind the camera, counting my lucky starts, because I was there in month two of the shoot and here was a total powerhouse just coming in for the first time.
And as I said before, this was before I’d seen Euphoria and Malcolm & Marie. She’s doing such incredible work and is just trailblazing her own path, and she’s so, so cool. She also happens to be in the most-watched trailer of the moment, too, for Spider-Man: No Way Home. I cannot wait for that movie, and I was there, by the way, with everybody else, clicking through the trailer frame by frame looking for clues [laughs].
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The Cassell Cynic Part 2
A continuation of @hectabdr @hectab‘s lovely characters.
When Nathan lay back on the bench, Hana’s face filled with furious determination.
Nathan protested loudly as she stomped his feet, seized his arm in a mighty heave and lifted him across the back of her shoulders. Her strong arm was wrapped around his leg and other her hand gripped his wrist. He tried to pull away but she held him tightly secured. “What are you doing?! Let me down!”
“I’m not going to let you make me fail this assignment!” She grunted roughly and stomped off toward the medieval looking administrators building.
Nathan used his free arm to pull his ear buds out. “Are you kidnapping me? Go die by yourself!”
“You think you’re going to die?”
“Of course I’m going to die if I go on assignment with you!” He struggled futilely against her iron-like grip. “Let go! You’re ruining my day!”
“When the dragons come back, they’ll do more than ruin your day. Or do you not know that because you don’t care to study?”
“I know that and that’s why I don’t bother! It’s obvious that someone else is going to do it, why should I care about it?”
“Because we …” She puffed, staggering with her struggling captive. “You're heavier than you look.... We all have a role to play. No one is going to slay the dragons alone! When the chips are down everyone needs to think about what they can do to make sure the dragons don’t win!”
“If I face a dragon, I’ll bow down and say ‘I welcome my new scaly overlords!’” He hollered loud enough for anyone in the courtyard to hear.
She stopped. Her face turned to him in horror. “You don’t mean that. Surely.”
His face was full of indignation. “And even if I don’t, so what? I just hope they don’t eat me and I live another day because I’m not slaying any god-damn dragon and chances are, neither are you! Now put me down!”
“Don’t put me in the same league as you, you coward…”
“I’m a coward? You’re a coward!” He turned to look at her over her shoulder. “You’re so scared of getting something less than an A+ that you’re kidnapping me! That’s what this is about. Don’t give me that Dragon War spiel. You’re more scared of your report card than a dragon. Am I right or am I right? Exactly. If this assignment was about dragonslaying, I wouldn’t be on it, being C ranked… No one’s going to put the world in my hands! Put me down!”
She finally lowered him from her shoulders and he brushed himself off and smoothed down his hair. He turned to look up at her. “Thank you!”
She gave him a stern look, lips pursed. “You’re really serious… about not doing anything.”
“Yeah! I am serious! Thank you for finally acknowledging that!” He stepped around her to return to his bench.
“So you weren’t put up here to sabotage me?” She asked.
“I am not doing this to sabotage you. No. But someone might be. You do what you need to do if your grades are that important to you, but leave me out of it. I don’t need grades to stay here.” Nathan turned fully around and walked backwards towards the bench. “Contrary to your belief, your assignment is not the end of the world and, if it was really that important, they will find someone else to do it!”
He sat back on the bench, groaning in dismay as he picked up his ruined blunt where he’d dropped it. “If I have to be on your assignment for you to pass then you might as well stay here on the bench! Because I’m not going. Period. You’ll have to deal with the smudge on your record. Though… knowing you, you’ll suplex them until they give you a make up assignment to erase the quote-unquote bad grade, so your parents don’t call you and cuss you out. If you do kidnap me, though, I’ll definitely make sure you fail, you psycho!” He rotated his shoulder. “That hurt, you know.”
Hana stayed where she was and helplessly watched him as he sat back down at the bench. “You’re really not coming. You’re not going to help me at all?”
Nathan didn’t respond. He rolled another blunt and lit it in silence. He could tell she wasn’t giving up, she was just changing strategy. She was drunk on the whole Dragonslaying mission Kool-Aid. He could feel his buzz actively dying as she approached him and sat back down. He passed it to her and she refused. But he insisted. “Take it, you need it more than I do.”
“I don’t smoke.”
He shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He inhaled slowly. The skunky smell of the marijuana filled the air. “You shouldn’t care so much.”
“I do care but it's because this is what comes natural to me. I’m strong and talented and I can do the things they need me to do. My talents will be wasted elsewhere. No one’s putting pressure on me. This is who I am and what I do best. So why not excel at it?”
He coughed on a rough pull. He was genuinely shocked. “No? You don’t have some mommy and daddy at home who will be disappointed if you get a B?” He asked, scoffing at her. “You don’t care at all if you ‘fail your ancestors’ or something?”
“No.” She said firmly. “I don’t. I didn’t come from a prestigious family or a famous bloodline. I don’t even know who my father is. Unlike you.” She jabbed a finger into his chest. “I’m self motivated and good at what I do. A few of the professors were thinking of putting me on a track to become faculty. They said I have to learn how to be an earnest guide. They wanted me to take you on an assignment and walk you through it.”
“Really? ...damn.” Nathan shut his mouth for once, scratching his head. “I’d pegged you as one of those trust fund babies.”
She gave a bitter laugh. “Believe me, I’m not. Like I said, I don’t care for them. They’re just coasting on their parent’s allowance and pretending to be better than everyone else. Kinda like you. At least you’re a trust fund baby who has their head in reality.” She grinned but there was no humor in it.
Nathan couldn’t argue that. “So uh… what’s this assignment?”
“I just have to accompany some cargo to the airport. But it’s sensitive cargo. So we just need to guard it.”
“Ah ha!” He tilted his head back. “So solve one problem with another. Very clever. You know what I think? I think my lack of urgency pisses them off so bad that they would do anything to get me to care even a little bit. And if they can’t get me to do anything, then they can get me off campus so they don’t have to look at me. They don’t need me here. It’s all head games. So I’ll play their head game.”
“What do you mean?” She tilted her head.
He pointed to the blunt in his hand. “What I mean is, this weed is going to give me the munchies. So, I’ll go ahead and put in a big order from the canteen. What do you like?” He pulled his cellphone from his pocket.
“I guess. Italian… pasta. I like Greek Food?” She said.
“Pasta and Gyros… sounds good to me.” He typed to put in the order.
“Are you ordering food for me?” She peered at his phone.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Nathan turned to her. “Wow… you really don’t have any friends.”
“You don’t either!” She snarled.
“I did before I came here. And I will when I leave here. You on the other hand… good luck on your ‘Hero’s Journey’. Heh.” He chuckled.
“Why don’t you just leave if you hate it here so much.” She stretched her legs in front of her and looked at the sky.
Nathan continued his lengthy order. “I don’t hate it here. I can live here, eat good food, and do nothing. Duh. It’s like the best vacation ever. It just sucks that by the end I won’t get to remember any of it. It’s like an alternate dimension. I just want them to give me good memories. Like I did something awesome. That’s all.” He waved his book of false memory ideas.
“You’re going to let them erase your memory?” Hana lowered her voice, partly shocked, partly amazed.
“Yep. Here I’m no better than a regular human. So I might as well live like one. Order will be ready in 45 minutes.” He put his phone in his pocket.
“Why not split the difference? Do just enough to participate and stick around. That’s what Fingel does.” She wondered.
“Oh ho... Not just Fingel. Isn’t that what everyone else does? I look at everyone around me and… you’re the first person I’ve met here who actually believes all this is for saving the world. That’s cool. You want to be here for that. But that’s why the other people get on your nerves. You can tell they’re faking it, and you’re not about the BS.”
Hana fell into a thoughtful silence.
“Which is why they sent you to talk to me probably.” He lowered his blunt. “It’s not that I don’t care that dragons are big and scary, it’s just I know I can’t do anything, just like 90% of the people here… so…” He shrugged. “There’s going to be maybe… what �� 10 or 12 people actually fighting dragons? The rest? They’re just in it for the social points. And I’m not interested in social points.”
“What are you interested in?” She asked.
“Enjoying life while I have it.” He sat back and blew out a long plume of smoke.
Hana sat with him and stared out into the empty courtyards. On the peak of a gabled roof, a mockingbird was singing its heart out and doing acrobatic leaps in the air as it did so. Hana pursed her lips and tapped her feet. “If you could… please do this one assignment for me. I won’t ask again. I’m backed into a corner here and I don’t really have a choice at the moment.”
Nathan sighed loudly. “You could always do nothing, Hana. Just say, ‘He’s not coming, figure something out.��� I don’t want to get in your way, but I’m not going to let them play the pity card either. We’re all adults here. Don’t ask me to play their game. And it is a game.” He looked at her with wide eyes, waving his blunt. “If this assignment is really important, they’ll find someone else. The assignment isn’t the real issue here. This has nothing to do with your grade. I guarantee it has everything to do with their ego. They’re just like my parents. They’re just like my brother. Trying to make me care about their shit and I don’t. And that pisses them off.”
“You’re… pretty defensive right now.” She laughed.
He laughed in disbelief. He was getting pretty riled up about all this. “I want them off my back! I don’t understand why they need the C-ranker to be on board with their war games.”
Hana smiled disarmingly. “I for one… appreciate your honesty. You’re not so bad. I can’t be the only one who feels that you’re not so bad either. I think I’m here because they want to keep you around.”
Nathan raised his eyebrows. “Tch… Yeah good luck to them.”
Hana pushed off the bench. “Alright. I’ll ask them to pair me with someone else or… do something else about it. Nice talkin’ to you.”
“Hey, don’t forget. Food’s gonna be here in 40 minutes.” He shouted after her.
“Alrighty!”
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Be Mine, this Quarantine
"Dude." Dean nervously chuckles, scrubbing his face with his hand. The other one holds the phone to his ear. "I haven't even been able to ask this guy out to dinner. And you're asking me to ask him to go into isolation with me?"
"You're being dramatic again." Sam tells him, matter-of-factly, as if Dean's the one being unreasonable here.
Sam is the one who specifically called him on a Sunday from California to remind him to self-isolate, but "do it with someone like Castiel, okay?" - like he's supposed to be taking care of his older brother from fucking Stanford, like Dean knows anyone else like Cas, and like he's ever going to be able to propose something of that sort to Cas.
"He has a third-floor apartment." Sam points out, revisiting all of his super valid points. "You share a dorm with three other guys. And he just seems like the kind who'd be the correct amount of a germophobe." Dean rolls his eyes - although he also agrees. "Dean, you share so many classes with him that if nothing else, you could revise your entire semester together - and to top it all off, you're like best friends."
Benny comes to Dean's head and he starts to protest.
"You text him, Dean." The eyeroll and bitchface are audible in Sam's voice. "You, who exits all text chains you've ever been added to because quote unquote you're not an adolescent teenager with a celebrity crush, or looking to be catfished - you, Dean Winchester, text Cas."
That - wasn't far from the truth.
He wouldn't call them texting buddies or anything, but Castiel always sends a good morning text, and Dean always sends him a picture of his breakfast (because that's what he's up to by the time Castiel wakes up) and sometimes Dean's late for class because he lost track of time while talking to Cas, and sometimes they stay up all night together discussing the most inconsequential things like why mattresses matter to Dean and bees matter to Cas, and - yeah. He should probably call them texting buddies.
"Whatever, bitch." Dean throws back, taking the small losses his way as long as he wins the final battle. "Fine, we're friends. That doesn't automatically mean we'll be able to live together."
"You cannot actually mean that." Sam scoffs. "You're the best kind of neat freak I know, because you just end up doing all the tidying up by yourself. And you can cook." Dean huffs. "Admit it, jerk. Compatibility in a shared living space shouldn't be your concern."
Sure, Sam makes some good points, but Dean has the biggest card up his sleeve - which will trump all of Sam's meticulously presented arguments.
He's sorta in love with Cas.
But to say out loud to his little brother, it comes out as, "What if Cas doesn't want me there?"
Sam pauses.
Point, Dean Winchester.
"That's exactly why you need to talk to him." He finally says, but he sounds more thoughtful like it finally entered his twenty two year old brain that Cas might not want to shack up with Dean.
"Like hell, I will."
"I swear on your bullshit, Dean," Sam threatens. "I won't hesitate to take a cheap-ass flight, straight to Cas's apartment."
Dean balks. "You're not getting on any planes right now, Sammy -"
"And you're asking him." Sam declares, and if he were in front of Dean, he'd be crossing his arms on his chest which usually implies the end of a debate in Sam-the-to-be-lawyer speak. "Promise me."
"What will I even say?" Dean retorts, indignant. "Like, do I just go up to the guy like 'hey, wanna have me impose on you for a bunch of weeks?'" Sam snickers like Dean's trying to be funny. "'I promise to clean and make you food if you let me live with you during a pandemic'?"
"Something like that." Sam laughs, and Dean has to smile - because that doesn't happen very often and when it does, it reminds him of a past where they were much closer than California and Kansas. "Tell me how it goes, okay?"
"Nothing's going -"
"You promised."
"I didn't fucking promise a thing -"
The line clicks, and Sam is gone. Dean lands back on his bed, and wonders briefly if it'd be easier to die.
*
He calls Cas - because they're not goddamn texting buddies, no matter what Sam says - and asks if he's free for lunch.
Cas says yes and actually sounds excited about it.
*
When Dean reaches their usual diner, he takes longer than usual to park the Impala - all the while thinking about how he's going to frame the question to Cas, because he's fought it out with himself and knows that he's going to do it. He'd also taken longer than usual to drive there from the University apparently, because when he reaches, Cas is already there.
He's sitting on a table for two - probably just because that allows him to have a seat against the wall and Cas is kind of adorable about small things like that - and he's slumping over his phone.
But he puts it down when Dean approaches, and as Dean takes off his jacket, Cas puts his phone back in his jeans and uses his fingers to fidget instead. When Dean sits, a little amused, Cas is the one who speaks up first and in a hurry.
"Would you like to quarantine with me?"
Dean blinks. He takes a moment to think and then asks, "Did Sam get to you?"
"Uh, your brother Sam?" Cas frowns, shaking his head. "No, why would he?"
"Nevermind." Dean believes him. Though he cannot believe what just happened.
"So?"
"Oh." He's supposed to give an answer, because Cas doesn't know how much Dean's been thinking about it. Though, in his defense, most of the time, Cas tends to be so goddamn intuitive that Dean feels like he can read his mind.
Nonetheless, Dean tries to answer as casually as he can. "Yes. I mean, of course. Thank you for asking."
That's Dean Winchester in a sentence.
He tries to shoot for the normal, and ends up in affirmative-response-to-a-promposal territory.
"Are you sure?" Cas asks, sounding slightly less sure than before.
Did you not hear me say 'of course, thank you for asking' after that yes?
"Yeah, buddy." He pulls the menu from Cas's side of the table to his, sliding it on the table. "So what are we eating?"
"I'm not forcing you into this, am I?" Cas interrupts, hand on Dean's wrist jolting his attention back and ruining his complete 'casual' cover, because now Dean's sweating too. "Just because I asked, and just because we're friends - you don't have to say yes to anything, okay?"
"I know that." Dean gives Cas his best reassuring smile, though it's a little non-assured from his own core.
"I wake up late and I'm not sure when I sleep." Cas confesses, eyes worried. "The flat is clean only because I stuff everything in the closets. And I have a neighbor - you remember Balthazar, right? He just returned from France."
"How long ago is 'just'?" Dean repeats, and then adds. "And frankly I'd assumed he was simply being pretentious when we met."
"Two months." Castiel bites his lip. "And he is. The accent is fake."
"We'll survive." Dean announces, grinning broader. "Plus I can't wait to hear that guy minus the accent now."
Castiel makes an exasperated sound.
"Cas, how do I put this?" Dean sighs, knowing that things would eventually come to this. "I would be grateful if you'd let me stay with you, and -"
"Sometimes I wander around the house with my cat past midnight." Cas volunteers, out of the blue.
Naked?
Dean's brain jumps there and then he drags it back from the gutter - or, you know, the land of tempting imaginable scenarios.
"I want to live with you, you dumbass."
Cas pauses like that's at all surprising. "You do?"
"I was literally trying to figure out how to ask." Dean rubs the back of his neck, feeling his face heat up. "And then you did, okay? And then I said yes, and I wanted us to not talk about it all lunch because later we're going to have important shit to figure out like food and beer and toilet paper and -"
"When exactly you'll move in." Cas offers, and when he puts it like that, a little bit of Dean melts.
"Uh-huh."
"Okay." Cas smiles, and finally it's that smile - eyes all crinkled, nose all scrunched up, the very definition of gummy - and fuck, Dean's very much in love with him and has just dug himself a huge, apartment-shaped hole, but he'd fucking like to live with him too, and he's a fucking liar if he isn't being a little hopeful about it too.
"We'll not talk about it." Cas declares. "And before, you'd asked me what we were eating?"
Dean nods.
"Well, I asked the waitress for recommendations for something memorable and she offered me the specials menu." Cas says, innocent as though everyone in the city doesn't know not to ask for the specials' menu at Reed's diner.
Dean starts to pray.
"So, kale pecan pesto." Cas announces. "And yes, I had to Google what that is later and no, I'm not showing you."
"God-fucking-dammit, Cas." Dean glares at him. "These might be our last diner meals for the foreseeable future, I don't want to have rabbit food -"
And then Cas winks at him like that's something he's allowed to do, and Dean's suddenly flustered again - and if that isn't an apt summary of how living with Cas is going to be like, he doesn't know what is.
#destiel#quarantine#destiel fluff#self isolation#destiel crack#soft bois#destiel ficlet#destiel college au#young destiel#young dean winchester#young castiel#castiel#castiel/dean winchester#castiel/dean#dean winchester#dean winchester fluff#not spoilers#representation week#coronavirus
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Another One?
Masterlist
requests are open
i did promise something to my fellow Misha’s and it has been fulfilled
(don’t judge the choices I make, no God can tame me)
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“So get this. Lake Cachuma, California. Three men found dead with their ears blown out. All three found at the same place, at the edge of a dock leading into the water.”
“And this is our thing how?”
“Well, they weren’t taking some lovely vacation Dean. All three were found in their suits with a little note spilling their secret infidelities.”
“That’ll do it. Do we have a lead?”
“Yeah, Cassandra Peters. Senior at Santa Barbara High School, her dad was the most recent victim.”
“I hope you packed your bikini Sammy, California here we come.”
A Few Hours Later...
Yeah, it wasn’t sunny and warm as Dean Winchester expected. Cloudy skies and a light breeze greeted Sam and Dean as they arrived at the Peters household. Thunder rumbled in the distance, signifying a coming storm.
“Still ready for that swim Dean?”
“Oh shut up.”
“I don’t think you’ll need sunscreen anymore, I know how much you hate it.”
“Sam-
“Um, can I help you?”
The argument came to a halt when a young girl opened the door.
“Cassandra Peters?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you mind if we talk to you about-”
“My dad’s death? So does everyone else, so how are you any different?”
Sam and Dean were left speechless. Sure there were people who were defensive after a family death, but a teenage girl? Usually, day old mascara streaks could be seen with red, teary eyes. But Cassandra Peters? Her face was void of any emotion with dull eyes.
“We know what it’s like,” Dean started, “to lose someone.”
“Yeah well, do you know what it’s like to learn that that person wasn’t someone you knew?”
“We understand if you don’t want to talk about it, nobody does, but sometimes it’s easier to tell someone how you actually feel.” Sam hoped that was enough to get the girl talking.
She looked slightly guilty, I mean, they looked like nice guys.
“Look, I’m sorry. A friend of mine taught me to stop the tears with being an asshole. I don’t see how it works or how she does it, but I guess it’s a coping mechanism. Not for me I suppose.”
“Believe us when we say we understand.”
“Well, seeing as you’re still here, ask away.”
“Okay, was there anything strange that occurred around the time your dad died?”
“Well besides the weather, I don’t think so. Like the two before, a rain storm hit without warning. The streets flooded, you could barely see in front of you.”
“What about your dad? Did he seem strange to you?”
“Yeah, maybe two days before he seemed nervous, scared. He kept saying someone was following him. Some girl in a white dress.”
“Did he say what she looked like?”
“You see, that’s the strange part. He said he saw Y/N, which is weird because she was with me or in rehearsal. And there is no way Y/N would skip rehearsal.”
“Do you know where we can find Y/N?”
“She should be at rehearsal now actually. She’s not in trouble is she?”
“No, we just need to check up on her, have a little chat.”
“She’s at the high school, but be careful, she really doesn’t like being interrogated about her parents or any family related subject. She gave me the tip of being an asshole instead of being depressed, still not seeing how that works.”
“Can we ask why?”
“Her step-dad was the first victim.”
“Right. Well, if you think of anything, give us a call. Even the smallest thing can help.”
Dean handed her the famous “business” card, which made Cassandra do a double-take.
“Sam and Dean Winchester? As in Y/N Winchester?”
“Sorry?”
“Y/N Winchester, that’s who I’m talking about. You have the same name. Now come to think of it, you guys kind of look alike.”
Cassandra pulls a picture from her phone.
“This is Y/N.”
Sam and Dean share a look, one between shock and nervousness.
“Would you, uh, would you mind telling us about her?” Dean asked, afraid to know the truth.
“I don’t see why not, this is some TV shit. But you should probably come in, the rain won’t be getting any better.”
The Peters household was quiet and empty. Even with all the lights on, the house was dark. What captured the brother’s attention was the pictures of Cassandra and Y/N.
“So what do you wanna know?”
“Anything really.”
“Okay. Y/N Marie Winchester, where to start. Born June 25, 1989, she’s a Cancer. Tall, like you two. She has the kindest eyes, when she looks at her it’s like she can see into your soul. She acts tough at first, but once she lets you in she’s one of the funniest people you’ve ever known. Oh, absolutely hates dresses, her favorite things to wear are flannels and her leather jacket. God that leather jacket, she never takes that thing off. She loves to sing, always has. She doesn’t like to get close to people, it’s like she’s afraid they’ll get hurt or that maybe she’ll have to leave them behind.”
Sam smiled softly and Dean held a thoughtful look, Could there really be another Winchester?
“Wait, she has your smile. And she has that same look when taking a test. Do you really not know if you’re related?”
“No, no Y/N Winchester has came up.”
“Well, I’ll take you to her. One, I’d love for Y/N to have her family. Two, I need a source of happiness and this family reunion will do it.”
“Lead the way.”
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“Okay, one more run through ‘World Burn’ and that’s a wrap. Y/N you ready?”
“Always.”
“Alright, from the top!”
Approx. a minute or two later, idk time
As the trio made their way to the theatre, Cassandra could hear the chorus.
“Come on! We’re gonna miss the best part.”
Lucky for them, they made it before the big note.
“Gotta love a woman in power. Wait here, I’ll bring her to you.” Cassandra jogs towards Y/N as she jumped offstage. Greeting her with a hug, she explains her predicament.
“A sister,” Dean started, “we might have a sister?”
“With the world we live in, I don’t find it impossible Dean.”
“But why would Dad-”
“Sam, Dean, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Sam and Dean. Winchester.”
“Okay, I get that, but that doesn’t automatically make us related Cass.”
“Stop being hard-headed. Why don’t you guys talk it out? I’ll meet up with Jessie. See you later jerk.” With that, Cassandra took a U-turn towards another student.
“Bitch.” Y/N called after her. She turned towards the two giants, making a face at their surprised ones. “What?”
“Nothing, do you mind if we talk to you outside?”
“I don’t see why not.”
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“Holy shit! Is that a 1967 Chevy Impala? Please tell me it’s yours, I’ll tell you all my life secrets if it is.”
“Uh, yeah, it is.” Dean stuttered. The information the brothers were learning kept hitting them in the face. Is she really a Winchester?
“Yes! Let us congregate at this lunch table and I’ll spill my tragic life story.”
“So, you sing?”
“Yeah, best thing that’s ever happened to me. Everyone says I took it from my mom, but who knows, not me that’s for sure. Me and Cass are also in a band, which reminds me, I have to be somewhere in two hours, so if we could do this a little fast that would be great thanks.”
Dean, unlike Sam, wanted to get straight to the point. Why ease into the subject when it is so painfully obvious she’s a Winchester?
“What do you know about your dad?”
“Not much really, I just know he took off before I was born. I lived with my mother until I was about 5. Then my quote unquote “dad” came back into my life and my mother disappeared. Stayed with him for about a year, met a lot of strange people, and I was finally dropped off with some random couple here. Terrible parenting, but here I am alive and well I guess. But he did leave me some sort of book, more of a copy.”
Both brothers were intrigued in her life story. A strange life, a Winchester life. Y/N pulled the book out of her backpack, but when she did her shirt allowed the top of the anti-possession tattoo to peak out. Everything was pointing towards the fact that the three were related, but we can’t have any stones left unturned can we?
“Did that book say anything about your dad? A name, a picture maybe?” Sam was anxious.
“There was a letter when the book was first given to me with the initials J.W. but that’s it. I don’t think he wants to be found.” A solemn look crossed her face. “Well, that was fun, but I have to go.”
“Wait-”
“Look, you guys seem nice and it would be cool if we were related somehow, but I have a place to be. You’re welcome to come by though. I’ll give you my number, and maybe we could talk tomorrow. I should have more time seeing that it is Saturday tomorrow. It was nice meeting you Sam and Dean. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
As she walked away, Sam and Dean formed a plan. First, kill whatever monster terrorizing the town, then find out who the hell Y/N Winchester was.
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So close, but apparently so far. Upon looking in the journal, Sam and Dean found a new monster, a siren. And though the monster seemed to be a siren, something wasn’t right. The bleeding ears made no sense. No siren case had bleeding ears. However, banshee cases dealt with bleeding ears, but no bodies near water. There was only one answer.
Break time.
Y/N had sent Dean a message about the bar her band would be at, so the brothers decided to find out as much as they could about the girl before heading there.
“Dean, there’s nothing in the journal and I’ve read through it twice, what else are we missing?”
“Missing...missing...missing! Sammy, you’ve outdone yourself.” Dean reached into his pocket and pulled the stolen letter.
“Dean!”
“What! It slipped out of her journal.” Bitchface. “Okay, maybe I slipped it out of her journal, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we can compare Dad’s handwriting with the letter. And then you can hack into hospital records to find her birth certificate.”
“I am not hacking into the hospital records.”
“Oh c’mon Sammy, don’t you want to know who she is?”
“Of course I do, but I don’t want to get arrested while doing it.”
“Whatever, just give me the journal.”
Dean was only going to skim over the handwriting before something caught his eye. Information that wasn’t shared lay on the paper. The J.W was obvious on the bottom, but what caught his eyes were his name, Sam’s name, and an unfamiliar one.
“That little bitch.”
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It took too long, it took too long, it took too long For you to call back And normally, I would just forget that Except for the fact it was my birthday My fuckin' birthday
Sam and Dean entered the bar, a bar that apparently allowed teenagers in, and spotted Y/N on the small stage. They could see why she needed to leave, not only to get them off her tail, but for all the other students partying their asses off.
We got along, we got along, we got along Until you did that Now all I want is just my stuff back Do you get that? Let me repeat that I want my shit back
“So what’s the plan?”
“One we have to get her away from everyone else. Two, we can’t let her out of our sight. Remember what Cassandra said, the weather aligns with a body being found the next day. And since we don’t know the next victim, we have to hold Y/N hostage somehow.”
“Where do we take her? She’s not going to abandon her friends Dean.”
“I don’t know, tell her we found something about Dad or her mom. Technically, we’re not lying, so don’t feel bad about it.”
“Yeah, yeah alright.”
The two parted ways, searching for inconspicuous exits while watching Y/N. Though, it didn’t take long before Y/N spotted Sam.
“Hey Sam, glad you made it. Where’s Dean?”
“He’s around here somewhere. Look, I needed to talk to you about your dad. We think we found something.”
“Now?”
“Yeah, I mean, if you can.”
“Now’s not really a good time. We can’t pick this up tomorrow?”
“It’s ki-” “Sammy!”
“Oh hey Y/N, mind if we talk to you for a second?”
“I can’t leave-”
“Yeah, but we really need to talk to you.” Dean had a smug smirk holding up the letter.
“Fine.”
Outside...
“So Y/N, you got anything important to tell us?”
“Nothing you don’t already know Dean.”
“Wrong answer.”
“Dean-”
“No Sammy, she needs to start telling the truth before someone gets hurt. Like little Cassie’s dad or Jessie’s dad.”
“What do you want from me Dean?”
“You see, we were here on a case, but I bet you already knew that. Three people were killed, your step-dad, Matthew Jacobs, and Holt Peters, but you already knew that. All three said they saw a girl in white, and what do you know, it was you. We thought we solved the case, but nothing fit the banshee or siren profile. Imagine my surprise when I find my name along with Sam’s and a little gift. Athena Drea, some hybrid between a banshee and a siren. Fits the profile doesn’t it? Oh but that’s not all, Dad knew her, dear old John Winchester knew your mommy. And I’m betting that she disappeared because her time was up. What I don’t understand is your name? Why were you blessed with some form of mom’s name? What is so special about Y/N Marie Winchester?”
Angry tears streamed down Y/n’s face.
“Congratulations Dean Winchester. You figured me out.”
“Y/N-”
“No, it’s fine Sam, he’s right. What’s so special about me? The fact that I have no parents? That I have my mother’s powers? That I’m related to you? Nothing good comes with being me. There’s always a catch. Those people I killed? They tried to kill me first. Those lies about cheating, made them up. Yes it’s sick and twisted, but I’m still alive right? I’m lucky? I tried to protect you from knowing me, from being related to me. Why do you think I never reached out to you? Everyone around me gets hurt. My friends don’t know me like they think they do, I killed their dad! There is nothing special about me, and god if there is, I’d really like to know. Because all I know is that I’m a screw up with no family. So forgive me for running and lying.”
She tried to leave, but an arm on her shoulder prevented her from doing so.
“You two should go, leave before something else happens. There’s no monster to kill, but I’d gladly let you kill me. That wouldn’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me.”
“Y/N.”
She shrugged his hand off and started to run.
“Y/N!”
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“You were right, I should have never gotten attached.”
It was dark, the only source of light came from the moon. The sounds of the lake calmed Y/N from the harsh argument.
“People got hurt.”
The quiet brought her peace.
“Some were innocent. Cass and Jessie, they didn’t deserve their family to fall apart.”
It took Sam and Dean quite a while to find Y/N.
“I met them. Sam and Dean, they seem nice, but I screwed up mum. I lied and I don’t think they like me much anymore. It was nice to know that I had family out there. I know dad told me in the letter, but I didn’t think we would meet. You know how it goes, hunters and monsters don’t mix.”
Sneaking behind her wasn’t easy.
“I don’t understand mum. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t stay here anymore. I’ll have to leave and I won’t have anybody anymore.”
“You have us.”
She whipped around to find her brothers awkwardly standing there.
“What do you two bozos want?”
Sam took the initiative, “We want you to come with us.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re family,” Dean surprisingly said, “and family means no one gets left behind.”
With that, the three had a slightly awkward, yet welcomed group hug,
Hours later.....
Everything was sorted. Y/N was leaving with Sam and Dean, and it was exciting. No more school, Sam sort of disapproved on that. A constant road trip with her family. Although, they would encounter many obstacles in their journey.
Only one thing was left in Y/N’s mind. She sat in the backseat of the Impala and couldn’t resist it any longer.
“Hey Dean?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you just Lilo & Stitch me back there?” Sam laughed and Y/N started to giggle.
“Shut up.” But he looked out his window with a smile.
She really was a Winchester.
#supernatural#supernatural one shot#supernatural imagine#dean winchester#sam winchester#spn#sister winchester#spn imagine
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Coastal Waters (1/8/2021)
Click here if you’re like “What the heck is this about?”
Valera @autokrates and Madame @usedhearts meet underwater, talk about Madame’s history, eat an eel, and head to the library when Valera discovers to his horror that Madame, an octopus, doesn’t know shit about octopuses. octopodes. octopi.
Madame
The sea. She hadn't even seen the ocean since she was just a girl, let alone swam deep in her waters. The water was warm against her skin, and she flowed through it with an effortless grace that she honestly didn't know she had. It felt good. It felt right, to be among the waves of this alien planet. This was were a giant octopus of a lady should be.
Madame just sat there, under the water, watching curious fish and other creatures flit towards her. She was far larger than any of them, so they were either brave or foolish. A few of the more foolish ones found their way inside her mouth for their crimes. She intentionally kept her skin a pinkish red, wanting to stand out among the reef. A color that said 'Here I am, and I'm bigger than you, so watch out!' It was perfect really. She kept a look out for anyone else going for a swim-- she'd be sure they got a little kraken scare, just for fun.
Valera
Funny, how even on an alien planet, the ocean is still comforting to anyone who loved it. Colorful fish were abundant, the reddish light of the suns lending a faintly pink tinge to the rays coming down through the water.
And here comes Valera to torment innocent wildlife, a flash of silver followed by pink as he chases a mirror bright eel adjacent creature past Madame's resting place.
Madame
Madame's head snapped to the side as Valera passed, and quick as anything, she's off after him. That eel is the target, hm? Well, she wasn't about to let their host have an easy go of it. Tentacles opening and then thrusting back to get her speed, she closed in, trying to get it first-- or at least, make a little game of it for Valera.
Valera
It takes a few seconds for Valera to notice the appearance of a competitor, movement in the corner of his eyes nearly distracting him enough to lose track of the eel. But then the slippery menace turns on a dime, diving into a crevice in the rocks for all its worth. Valera's forced to brake, fins flaring out dramatically as he backpedals just to not smash into the rocks.
He perches on the coral, snorting out a few bubbles as he looks up at Madame. "Damn! Ah well, it'll have to come out eventually. Hello! What's an octopus like you doing in a place like this?"
Madame
Unfortunately, Madame doesn't catch herself quite as quickly as Valera, but she does slow herself enough to not smash hard against the rocks. She winced as she pulled away from them, rubbing her arm.
"Ouch. Them eels are slippery fuckers, ain't they?" She smirked at Val, swimming over to them and perching in a similar manner. "That it does. And thought I'd go for a swim, enjoy it while I can 'n all that. The closest I get to all this is my aquariums at home. This is...heaven, honestly."
Valera
Valera frowns, leaning in to sniff at Madame. Any blood? He can patch up a scrape no problem! The praise for his planet makes him purr, a soft buzz in the water that makes nearby fish start swimming closer to nibble at the pink fish's scales.
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself! I was hoping my home would be a place of relaxation, but it seems like it's getting even more of a positive response than expected. If you really like it though, I'll see about inviting you back sometime!"
Madame
No blood, luckily, but she'd probably have a bruise or three later. Octopus skin is durable but not the best when it comes to impacts.
"Oh, I'd simply love that-- even give ya free drinks for life at the Cabaret if that'd sweeten the pot." She winked and laughed, before turning to look up at the surface, watching the sunlight glitter through. She was glad they were surrounded by salt water-- a few tears wouldn't be noticed down here.
"It truly is beautiful. Reminds me so much a home-- I ever tell ya, me 'n Alastor hail from the same place? Good ol' Nawlins, right there on the gulf. Gorgeous city, full of wonderful people 'n the best food 'n the south. When I went west with my husband, I knew I'd miss the ocean, but I didn't think I'd die without ever seein' it again." She smiled as she turned towards him.
"Ya really put some joy back in an ol' lady's heart, Valera, invitin' me here. Didn't think it'd mean as much as it does...but here we are." She laughed, and wiped at her eyes-- before remembering there was nothing to wipe. "Forgive me, gettin' all emotional. We supposed t' be lookin' for an eel, right?"
Valera
"Oh, that eel can go tie itself in knots for all I care, we're talking about this old lady here right now." Valera leans in, a clawed hand delicately patting at Madame's shoulder. "I didn't know you were from New Orleans! I've been there a few times. Lovely place. Very...." He pauses to think, plucking a wandering shrimp off the reef to gesture with. "Lively? Vibrant! You can really lose yourself in that city"
His tail winds around an outcrop, the fish settling down like he was lounging on the finest swooning couch. "So, you were married? Happily, I hope!"
Madame
She took a few breaths, the water filling her chest with warmth, and nodded.
"I was, born 'n raised. Got married a fresh faced youth 'n me 'n the husband decided to try 'n make our fortunes out west. We made it out there too, 'n then he caught ill 'n passed. Left me with a house built and some livestock bought 'n not much else. Started up doin' work on my back, 'n then collected some other girls, some a them like me, others on they own from the start. Home my husband built became my saloon 'n brothel, 'n a whole town sprung up around it. Lovely lil' place.
"But with people come folk what think they the law in a lawless patch a ground. Dumb fucks didn't like me much, and I ain't care for them neither. Startin' smugglin' for local outlaws, hidin' some. The quote-unquote 'law' got it in they heads to burn my place down, cause I was hidin' some poor boy they wanted-- surprised them when the whole thing blew to smithereens cause we was sittin' on a couple boxes a dynamite. Oh, if I coulda seen their faces...." She trailed off and then cleared her throat, laughing a little.
"But then I landed in Hell. And they did too. Strung 'em up by they own insides for I staked a claim on the land I landed on. That's where the Cabaret sits now. The asshole's skeletons're in the aquarium now, housin' crabs and whatnot. Serves 'em right."
Valera
Valera makes a sound more like a dolphin noise than a whistle, crossing one leg over the other as he listens to Madame tell her not especially tragic backstory. "It certainly does. Though I'm sure the short time they spent in Hell came as a rather nasty surprise, if they were going around calling themselves the *law*."
A snort. "It sounds like you've been a woman with a talent for business since day one, Madame. Can't say I'm surprised with the way you run things, but what a story. Sorry to hear about the husband though, losing someone is never easy."
Madame
She nodded, crossing her legs as daintily as someone who was fifteen feet tall could.
"Oh yeah, real nasty surprise for them-- shame I didn't keep 'em around longer, woulda been fun to have 'em strung up on the dart boards or somethin'."
Madame shrugged. "I did miss 'im but, after he died, I realized that I never _really_ loved him. Not like a woman 'n a man 'should' love each other. Dunno why, always been like that I suppose. But we was best friends since childhood 'n it made sense back then to marry someone y' at least liked, instead a some stranger."
Valera
"Hah! I can see it now! Are you a sadist? Five bucks a pop and you can throw your darts at the living dart boards! Ten points if you get them in the eyes, fifteen if you throw hard enough to knock a tooth out! Oh, Hell would have loved that." He cackles, popping the shrimp into his mouth for a quick snack. Mmm, crunchy!
"...Is there a 'should'?" His face twists in confusion. "Maybe it's an alien thing. I was set to bond with my own best friend before I cut that short in favor of running the Autocracy. Romance seems secondary in favor of... You know. Benefits."
Madame
"Dunno. With humans there's always a 'should', it seems. 'Ya _should_ love a man. Ya _should_ marry 'n have kids. Ya _should_ pick yerself up by yer bootstraps 'n get shit done. Ya _should_ know all the right things ta say'." She sighed and shrugged.
"Never much cared for the shoulds. Married because it seemed better'n bein' alone-- and I ended up alone anyways. So, what was the point 'n the first place? I sure as shit don't know. Just lost my best friend, that's all." Madame leaned her chin on her hand, elbow on her knee. "Think I woulda fared better with aliens then humans."
Valera
An eyebrow is raised as Valera turns what Madame said over in his mind. "I don't think marrying your best friend directly resulted in him dying, Madame. But I will admit, you wouldn't be the first human, former or otherwise, to say they would have likely been happier with an alien partner." He's absolutely talking about Pentious. And maybe a few others. He's a popular fish!
"Humans are silly creatures, and I do say that fondly! I've seen very few races as determined to bind themselves to strict social rules and roles that none of them seem to actually enjoy. It's baffling."
Madame
She laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I know whatcha mean. Most people seem happier when they break social conventions. Makes ya wonder why we even got 'em."
Madame took a breath and smiled. "And I didn't mean it so much as an alien partner as, well, maybe I was just meant to not be a human-- alien in a human body or some such. Maybe it's why I adapted ta bein' a weird giant octopus demon so well!"
Valera
"Your guess is better than mine, I'm only a human when it suits me."
He grins, all teeth. "It wouldn't surprise me. You never struck me as especially *human*, tentacles nonwithstanding. A lovely person? Yes, absolutely. You take good care of all your girls. But human? Not really." Well that's cryptic. But good luck getting him to elaborate, he's already distracted by trying to shove his arm into the crevice where the eel is hiding.
Madame
Madame let out another laugh, smirking as she shrugged and waved a hand.
"I'll take the compliment, and y'know, that reminds me a one of my go-to numbers." She slid off the rock she sat on and floated down a bit, twirling as she went.
"_I admit that in the past I've been a nasty, they weren't kidding when they called me well, a witch_...." She trailed off, giggling. "One of my favorites. That and 'When You're Good To Mama', acourse."
Valera
"Mm, I had you pinned as a contralto day one, my dear Madame." Valera glances over, against the rock up to the shoulder as he scrabbled for the eel. "You run that routine at the cabaret, right? I'll have to swing by to see it sometime! Maybe with my beau, though I don't know his opinion on burlesque just yet."
Madame
"Oh yes! Just tell me when y'all are droppin' by and I'll be sure to add myself to the night's roster." She winked and swam closer, looking at Val's arm, stuck deep in the rock.
"Any luck findin' the squirmy bastard? Or do ya need something a little more dexterous?" She wiggled a tentacle at him.
Valera
He frowns, then pulls his arm back and gestures for Madame to take his place. "I think you may have better luck, my dear. And for more than just that dexterity of yours! Mind the teeth though, those eels aren't the sharpest around, but they bite and do NOT let go."
Madame
Her arms crossed as she slid the tentacle inside, and Madame's face screwed up in concentration. A few moments later she let out a shout.
"Ow! Fucker got me, but I got him too!" With a mighty yank, her tentacle pulled back out, the eel wrapped tight in it, even as it chomped down on her. "What now, Val?"
Valera
"Now you eat him!" He crows, clapping his hands together as the eel gives the most hateful look it can muster. Though, underwater, there wasn't actually any sound to the gesture. "It's your catch, just bite him behind the eyes, nice and clean kill!"
Madame
She arched a brow, but brought the eel closer, moving to get a good angle. Madame opened her mouth and snapped down on the eel's head-- and it released it's own bite on her. She took it in her hands and bit it in half, swallowing down the front half.
Madame offered the other half to Val, grinning. "Here. Only right a guest share with her host."
Valera
He affects a dainty gasp, accepting the eel with a coquettish fluttering of his lashes. "Why THANK you, my dear Madame. Such a gracious guest, my hearts are warmed by your consideration."
And that chunk of eel is gone in a flash, yam yam. "Gods, always a tasty little morsel. Those have a lot of interesting names in various languages here, but my personal favorite is the one that translates best to..." He taps his chin, trying to think of the closest words. "Something like Bastard Snake. Bastard as in abandoned son, not the insult."
Madame
"Nah, I think the insult worst better, cause he sure was a bastard ta get outta there." She gestured toward her bitten tentacle.
"Think he mighta torn a chunk outta me. Ouch..." She brought it closer to inspect and while the chunk wasn't _gone_, it was barely hanging out. "Oh, that's a doozy..."
Valera
He leans in, taking a closer look at the damage to Madame's tentacle with a sympathetic hiss. "Oooh, that looks painful. Want me to fix it?"
A waggle of his fingers, and he extends a glowing hand. That's probably not ominous, right?
Madame
"Can ya?" She asked, her head tilting. "I'd love ta not have to whip out the scar cream for somethin' so small."
Valera
"I can! Healing and barriers are actually my specialty." He trills, looking VERY pleased with himself about that fact. "No strings attached for you, of course."
Madame
"Well, then, thank ya kindly. Yer a lovely 'n gracious host." She beamed.
Valera
He takes her tentacle in hand, smoothing over the wound with a slow sweep of his palm. A brief flash of numbness, heat, and there, good as new. No dramatics necessary! But he's still going to deliver with some SPECTACULAR jazz hands and the cheeriest grin he can muster.
"There, how's that?"
Madame
Madame let out a little 'oh!' at the numbness and heat, and as soon as her tentacle was released, it flexed and wiggled of its own accord.
"Well, that was sure somethin'! Never had a healin' like that."
Valera
"Never? Is healing magic not common in Hell?" Well, either that or Madame just didn't get hurt often. Either seemed possible.
Madame
"Oh no, it's not that. Usually gettin' somethin' healed costs-- usually a soul, or a favor, but always somethin'." She shrugged. "Try not to get into too many fights, cause the healin' is usually worse than the damage."
Valera
He squints, planting his chin on his open palm as he stares at the fixed tentacle. "I mean, I guess it cost something? All I did was encourage your natural healing. A few cell divisions to smooth over the damage, replace the torn up cells. Something that small didn't require actually replacing any massive swaths of material. You'll be hungrier than usual later, but that's about it!"
A shrug. "It would have been worse if you'd actually lost a chunk, but even then, I could have just converted a pebble to matching flesh or something. No biggie!"
Madame
"A pebble? Huh!" She tapped her chin. "That is somethin'. Yer magic's a lot more powerful than anythin' I can channel. Usual I go to good ol' Al for any real punchy magics."
Valera
"You know, people keep saying that. I never thought of myself as especially powerful." He holds up a finger. "Well, no. I have plenty of RAW power. But as far as efficiency goes, I'm absolute garbage. My magic isn't nearly as finely tuned as it could be. I burn tons of it on even small spells. Like, embarrassing amounts. Horrendously sloppy."
A sigh. "What kind of magic do you usually need from good old Alastor?"
Madame
"If I need a costume on the fly, he can magic up some pretty good threads. He's fairly good at some basic healin'-- like if ona my acts sprains somethin'. And of course, the best magic of all-- his reputation. Ain't nobody gonna mess with the Cabaret none if I got the Radio Demon in my back pocket." She paused.
"Don't tell him I said that, he wouldn't take kindly to it."
Valera
He waves a hand, grin turning downright impish. "What, me? Tell an Alastor that his reputation is helping protect his friends? My dear, I would *never*."
Madame
Madame giggled, and winked at him. "Yer a peach, shug." She put her hands on her hips.
"Anythin' else ya wanna tag team, huntin' wise? I'm down for a lil explorin' 'n huntin', if you are."
Valera
Valera sticks his tongue out, slowly unwinding his tail from his anchor point. "No, I'm a fish! But I understand the confusion. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone your mistake." A wink.
"We'll have to browse the local selection, Madame! If you're amenable to a bit of window shopping, that is."
Madame
"I dunno about that, ya ass is pretty peachy!" She cackled, swimming closer to take his arm.
"I'm a fan a any kinda shoppin', includin' the window kind!"
Valera
Oho! Quick on the sass with that one, was she? Good! Keeps things interesting. He politely flutters his fins, turning his head this way and that to scout out a meal.
"You're more of an ambush predator, no?"
Madame
"Think so! Don't know too much bout octopuses honestly? Only what I've been able to figure out, mostly. But it worked earlier!" She laughed.
Valera
... He turns his head back to look at Madame, eyebrows inching up slowly but surely.
"Pardon? You don't know about octopuses? The very animal your soul was moulded after for your eternal punishment?"
Madame
She laughed, oh that look on his face!
"Yup! Thinka how surprised I was when I dropped inta Hell lookin' like this!" She gestured to herself. "Knew things like fish 'n gators 'n the like, 'n even the tiny little octopuses, but never one as big as me!"
Valera
He squints, slowly turning them back towards the shore. Sounds like they're about to make a trip to the *library*.
"I'm sure. So you're not familiar with how octopus brains work? Or the semi-independent "minds" of their tentacles?"
Madame
"Oh, is that why they sometimes do shit on they own?" She giggled again, going along with Val's movements.
"And no, I ain't. Never thought to look it up, too busy buildin' my business 'n keepin' it."
Valera
He snorts. Yes, this library visit is sounding more and more necessary. But he's not above setting a sedate pace. A couple of friends on a relaxing swim, no need to flip.
"Yes, Madame. You'll also be pleased to know that were you an octopus of the male persuasion, one of your tentacles would also be your penis." A pause, and he amends. "Well, theoretically. It gets wibbly when you mix humans and other species. I doubt you'd lay four hundred thousand eggs and then die from a single mating."
Madame
Her eyes widened and she can't help but laugh again. "Oh fuck! Yeah, sure glad I don't do that! Woulda double died a long time ago!"
Valera
"If it makes you feel any better, the Earth fish I most resemble, the lionfish, can lay..." A tap at his lips, give him a moment to recall... Oh, yes, there we go. "Fifteen thousand eggs every four days?"
That's so many. He shudders at the very thought. "I'm not *quite* so prolific. But fret not, my dear. All those facts and more can be safely tucked into your noggin once we find you a book that doesn't read like watching paint dry. I know there's SOMETHING about octopuses being able to tamper with their own biology on the fly."
Madame
"Oh? That sounds interestin'. And yeah, glad we ain't out here layin' thousands of eggs, that's just too much." She laughed, giving his arm a squeeze in hers.
Valera
And off they go, back to shore and beyond, to educate an octopus woman on her own partial biology. How lovely.
#((Internet is still ASS but i managed to get this up yay))#extermination party palace#autokrates#usedhearts
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pinky and the brain: s1e7 - tv or not tv
y’all do NOT understand how many times i have tried to post this. tumblr just will not stop eating it. this was supposed to be out last wednesday LMAO i am doing my best.
episode summary: brain engineers a pair of Mouse Dentures that give him a charming smile. anyone hypnotised by these dentures Suddenly Adores Him For No Good Reason. unfortunately, he’s also a bit of a shut in, so nobody is actually going to see his charming smile-- unless he gets himself a sitcom.
....or something.
the rundown:
we open on brain talking about the “weird and magical power” of celebrity. he has defaced several women, and is sticking his ass out. as you do. what is he doing to CINDY! and her ilk?? he must be stopped.
“those who have it weild tremendous influence. few can avoid the enchantment of its’ spell.”
“do you know what gives them this power?”
holy shit. he just stabbed CINDY!.
pinky absolutely does not care for CINDY!’s fate. “haha. narf. hey, paddlefoot, do you know what they call a quarter pounder in france?”
of course, sirius black was not in pulp fiction, and neither, as far as i can tell, was he in france. brain silences him with “enough gay banter”, like he wasn’t just sticking his ass out in his general direction, like, two minutes ago.
(this was the 90s, y’all. gay definitely meant gay back then. this is not the faraway tree.)
“pinky! behold the key to the power of attraction!”
“pushpins!”
“hurraaaaaaaaaaaah!”
“no, pinky.”
apparently the key to attraction is a
“winning smile”, as brain points out, tapping on CINDY!’s poor mutilated face for emphasis.
“and a nice healthy gum!”
“and... a nice healthy gum.”
it turns out that brain has “taken this idea of the influential smile to a new level - a level no less than world domination“, which is bold words for Mr Tumble Dryer. to achieve this, he has invented
teeth.
(okay. so it’s a bit bigger than that. he shows pinky the plans for,
and then a prototype of, a whole machine built specifically to engineer him little mousie dentures. a lot of work went into this one. shame, really.
“when did you have time to build that?”
“while you were engrossed in your mr belvedere reruns.”
“oh, i miss him. ):” )
anyway so. brain puts his teeth in.
there he is.
pinky describes this as
“enchanting (’:”
and brain affirms that it’s supposed to be. apparently the “reflective vibrations” (okay) of his smile stimulates the medula oblongata,
“causing the viewer to adore me for no good reason!”
“zort! i’m adoring you for no good reason!”
(he does point out, while brain is admiring his reflection in a nearby bunsen burner, “what if they’re wearing sunglasses?”
brain’s response is “we’ll work nights.”)
still, brain can’t just sit around in the lab twiddling his thumbs and expect the general public to Adore Him For No Reason. he needs exposure! and as pinky ponders “what would mr belvedere do,” brain asserts that he would “eat some butter”.
“i’m afraid, my friend, that you’ve seen far too much of mr belvede--”
more like mr belvIDEA lol. sorry i’ll see myself out.
“pinky, are you pondering what i’m pondering?”
“i think so, brain, bur it’s a miracle that this one grew back. ):”
.....okay.
thankfully, the plan is not, in fact, to amputate pinky’s leg. again???? instead, brain intends to use a weapon of “great stealth, power, and corruption.”
OUR OWN SITCOM.
✨
meanwhile, at the wb studio, we meet jerry kilmer. mr kilmer is currently being harassed by some dudes who also really, really want their own sitcom. for far less nefarious purposes, presumably.
“so there’s this guy, right?”
“and get this! he designs--”
“BIKINIS.”
“TINY LITTLE BIKINIS. OKAY okay okay okay so here’s the hook.”
“HE’S PRETENDING--”
“TO BE BLIND.”
it does not appear to be what mr kilmer is looking for.
(meanwhile, the mice are spying on the acme labs janitor. he seems like a cool dude! but the mice are not here for friendship.
they sneak into his jacket pocket!
and...... steal his.... car keys? “YES. to the television station!”
✨
this isn’t even the first vehicle he’s stolen. hopefully he’ll have this one back by curfew as well.)
they do get pulled over by the police, but i don’t want to go into that. unless you guys reaaaallly want me to. instead, they park outside the studio and harass some poor receptionist.
“excuse me. we’re here to-- pitch. as they say. a sitcóm. my dear.”
i don’t know why brain says words like that.
“appointment?”
“oh, i’m sure you can--”
“work us in.” says brain. he is sticking his ass out for no reason. all the appeal is in his sparkly dentures, so.... there’s really no need for that, my dude.
✨
“you’re next! for no good reason!”
these dudes are still here. “wait!” yells our budding comedian, “wait! check out this idea. it’s about a guy!”
original.
“who always sticks his foot in his mouth!!”
clever. unfortunately, his demonstration goes wrong, and he ends up kicking mr kilmer in the face.
bonk.
gives him a nasty black eye to boot. ouch.
“ugh. can’t i ever just see someone normal?”
good thing these very normal individuals have just shown up, huh? nothing shady about these guys. “ugh, thank goodness,” says mr kilmer. they introduce themselves politely as jonathan michael charles (left) and jamal spelling (right).
“you guys have quite a look.”
“thank you.”
✨
“alright then. what do you got for me?”
“egad, brain.”
“he’s not adoring you for no good reason!!”
“drat.”
“well. we’re young hip adults--”
“and hijinks ensue!”
“who sit on a big fat couch and whine--”
“with disaaaasterous results!!”
“and have lots of generation x friends who trade zippy, sarcastic banter.”
“and i have a monkey.”
a very original concept.
at least, mr kilmer sems to think so. “hmmm. fresh. but tell me! what really brings you here. what are jamal and jonathan all about.”
“actually, we are two lab mice involved in a broad and sweeping plan to take over the world.”
mr kilmer thinks this is hilarious, apparently.
these guys do not. but they’re not important, for the moment.
the long and short of it, anyway, is that kilmer can’t give them a sitcom because nobody knows who they are, quote unquote. “the day i see your face on the cover of peeple magazine is the day you get a sitcom.”
irritated, jamal and jonathan make their exit.
and mr kilmer laughs so hard at the idea of lab mice trying to take over the world, that he falls out of his chair.
this will become relevant later.
meanwhile -- i just had to screencap this, okay, because of brain’s face. pinky suggests that he get on the cover of peeple by marrying prince charles. and brain thinks this is a horrible idea.
he’s much more interested in princess diana. but no, pinky, the path he must follow is “the same one followed by the leading sitcom stars of the day.”
“i must become a SUCCESSFUL STANDUP COMEDIAN.”
“so hey, how about those mitochondria? do they have enough cilia or what?”
“hey, why don’t you tell a joke you know!”
this may be harder than brain thought. undeterred, though, he presses on.
“do you ever notice how when you’re looking in the mirror of a quadrant electrometre, your forehead seems large?? why is that??”
“i just flew in from cleveland! and boy are my upper extremeties fatigued by a buildup of lactic acid!”
“booooooooooooooo!” says our guy on the left.
“go back to your troll village, squirt!” says his friend on the right. “what do you say to that?”
“i find you repugnant.”
(well. that made them laugh, at least.)
“your stupidity is matched only by the ill-slipped caterpillar, that chews off its’ own wings after emerging from its’ cucoon!!!”
“in fact! all of you! are just a gaggle of pathetically misguided root diggers!!”
“why don’t you all stand under a stalactite and bellow the resonate frequency, causing it to plummet onto your cranium!!”
“you’re all repugnant i say!!! repugnant!!!”
and with that little mousie tantrum out of his system, brain trundles off to sulk.
pinky claps him on the way out.
“egad brain! narf! they love you!”
“yes.”
so then he goes on tv, i guess.
“our comedy challenger is the master of insults! the prince of putdowns! jamal spelling!”
“you’re all a bunch of crevulating nitwits with peat moss for a cortex. repugnant!”
i don’t envy that guy third from the right. he doesn’t look like he’s having a very good time. he’s sensitive about his peat moss cranium, okay? don’t make fun of him.
NEXT ON G, HOWIE TURN HOSTS COMEDIAN JAMAL SPELLING.
“so, uh, jamal spelling. what kind of stupid name is that? cmon? what’s your real name?”
this would be racist if jamal spelling was a human man comedian and not like, a lab mouse. thankfully, this is not the case.
“my real name is the brain.” says brain, helpfully enunciating the “the”. “and you, my unwashed friend, are repugnant.”
HA HA. HA HA HA HA HA.
“oh, you’re hot, baby.”
okay.
but we’re, uh. we’re not going to think about that, and we’re going to go look at the david letterman show instead.
“uh, my next guest-- paul, do you know who our next guest is?”
“daaaaave, i know he’s a beautiful kind of-- nutty cat who just got us all a-wow.”
“here he is, ladies and gentlemen! for your comedy dollar, jamal spelling!!”
jamal spelling appears to be naked.
but he’s funny, so nobody minds.
“somebody here smells like a coagulated agar slant growing in a petri dish. repugnant!”
see! he’s just too comedy for clothes.
(meanwhile, we take a short trip to the office of janet mekko. “welcome, mr kilmer,” she says.
“my... secretary sent me here-- actually, i feel kind of stupid.”
“oh, honey. that’s a good thing! if there weren’t any stupid people, i wouldn’t have any business.”
“now. ya got some paaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.”
(in the distance, dan reynolds - at the tender age of eight - mumbles “you made me a, you made me a believer” in his sleep.)
“yeah.” says mr kilmer, completely unaware of this. “i fell out of my chair.”
“i’m gonna hypnotise you, so relax.”
okay.
“this’ll make you sleepy.”
“what is it?”
“a kenny g album.”
“okay. you’re in a trance. i’m gonna give you a random word. if you feel pain, say that word, you’ll feel good.”
“but careful! cause if you say it when you’re feeling good, the pain will come back! bad.”
spooky.
“and your random word is--”
“repugnant.”
there is, of course, absolutely no way this can go wrong.)
let us turn our view to happier pastures. namely, the mice are watching tv.
TONIGHT ON CIRCUS OF THE STARS
HARRY DEAN ANDERSON GETS SHOT OUT OF A GIANT PASTA MAKER
COMEDIAN JAMAL SPELLING FLIES THE TRAPEZE
AND BOB SAGET GETS TRAMPLED BY A BEAR. we hope.
pinky is elated! “egad, brain! circus of the stars! narf! you’ve really made it!”
pinky wants to be on circus of the stars, don’t you know. unfortunately, as he dutifully informs brain in pretty much the same breath, he hasn’t quite made it into peeple magazine yet.
“hm. it’s time to use plan b, pinky.”
“there was an a?? poit.”
ouch. jesus, pinky.
undeterred, brain marches his merry little ass over to the old timey corded phone.
beep.
“yes, connect me with buckinham palace, please.”
“egad! you did it brain! the cover of peeple!”
rule britannia is playing in the background of this scene. let’s... not think too hard about how this works, and agree that, yes, pauly shore, enough.
no more pauly shore, please.
conclusion:
jerry keeps his word, and, upon learning that jamal spelling is now legally married to princess diana (a fact which would certainly not lead to a warrant for his arrest in a couple of years) he asks him for a demo tape.
for such small hands, jamal sure does have very neat handwriting.
“make me laugh, jamal, and you got yourself a sitcom.”
“why don’t you all stand under a stalactite and bellow the resonate frequency, causing it to plummet onto your cranium!!”
he seems to like it! kilmer makes a little hee hee noise, unprepared for where this is undoubtedly going.
“you’re repungnant!”
“AAUGHGHGHHH.”
there it is.
“repugnant!”
“i say repugnant!”
repugnant repugnant repugnant repugnant
repugnant!
and with that, jerry kilmer falls out of the window.
as he does, he yells “i’ll get you, jamal spelling” which personally i think is unfair. jamal couldn’t have known, surely? don’t be mean to jamal. he’s got a lot on his mind, what with that restraining order against howie turn.
meanwhile, in the lab, the mice debate a good pitch for a pilot (i’ve got it, brain! it’s a show about nothing!) when jamal spelling gets a call.
“hi jamal! this is nina from the tv station. could you come down for a meeting?”
“mm hmmm.”
✨
it’s the WB.
as nina types away, jamal and jonathan enter casually, like this is their house, or something. “are you pleased to see us?” asks jamal, in a cocky, egomaniac labmouse sort of way.”
“yes i am!”
(nina somehow doesn’t notice.)
anyway then these guys find the dentures and pitch the first idea that comes into their heads.
“hey cortex! what do you wanna do tonight?”
don’t ask why mouse dentures fit a human man. we suspend our disbelief here.
(also there was no way this was brain’s fault. he couldn’t have known. outside influence it is. a shame, really.)
brain: 7 pinky: 7 outside influence: 14
thanks for the fun meme, @shuunthenonbeliever !
#patb#pinky and the brain#WHEEZE#if this refuses to post ONE MORE TIME#i am going to go FERAL#i have typed this all out THREE TIMES#I HAVE HAD ENOUGH#some explodey boys for y'all on saturday!#i hope.#if this episode EVER POSTS.
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13 Days of Christmas (Choi Seungcheol)
Hi, let’s get it!
Word Count: 2237
“Let it goooooo!” You could hear your daughter singing along to the song in the living room while you finished throwing the evening’s dinner in the oven before you headed off for your shift. “No, no, Hyeon, I’m watching this! Mama!”
“I didn’t do nothing. Jinae, shut up!”
“You shut up! Stop touching me!”
“Give me my blanket back! You’re getting your germs on it. Mom, Jinae is getting her boogers on my blanket.”
“Don’t be an ass!”
“Jinae, don’t call your brother an ass!” You called out, throwing the boiled potatoes in a bowl so you could mash them. The hot chocolate was almost ready and you hoped that would help warm the kids up. They’d gotten home from school colder than usual and with them getting over their colds, you refused to risk them getting sick again.
“But Uncle Mingyu says that to Daddy when Daddy beats him at poker!”
“Since when does Dad play poker?”
“When he watches us when you work late Mama.” She came skipping in just time to see you frowning at the window. Seungcheol was due any moment now and he had yet to show up. “Are you mad at him now? I’m sorry Mama. Please don’t ‘vorce him.”
“I’m not doing that...mostly because he hid the certificate,” you said the last part quietly because she was a human tape recorder. (You learned that the hard way when she and Chinsun heard you and Soonyoung’s wife gushing over Jonghyun and Minki and how Jonghyun would’ve been your husband had Seungcheol not tripped over his untied laces that day, and Seungcheol brought up everyday for two weeks at the most random times with a shit-eating grin each time.) “Wait, how do you even know that word?”
“Daddy’s boss says that a lot about his wife.” She shrugged. “And then Daddy says to go watch Olaf on the TV with Chinsun. Mama, I think she’s gonna be my best friend.” She looked around the kitchen as if looking for someone that could rat her out. “She protected me from Li Wei one time. No, wait that was Daddy.”
“Alright Baby, go finish watching Frozen. Tell your brother to come here.”
“HYEON!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAMA NEEDS YOU AND SHE SAID NOT TO TAKE OFF MY MOVIE!!!!!!” She beamed at you, the dimples exactly like your husband’s.
*
“Alright, so if you’re gonna use the lettuce again for the salad, just put it in the fridge,” you instructed Seungcheol, grabbing your purse and picking up your dirty plate. “Hyeon said he’s staying at Li Wei’s, Minjoon will be with Daejung and you will be staying with Jinae tonight.”
“I only have one kid tonight? Fuck yeah! I’m sorry for Jun and Wonwoo but I have my little princess.”
“Okay, I’ll be home a little after three. Have fun and don’t break anything. Her fever might be coming back, so make sure she has some medicine before she goes to sleep.”
“Don’t work too hard, Beautiful, okay? Make sure you call me on your break so I know you’re still alive.” He helped you put on your jacket and your beanie and placed a gentle kiss to your nose. “If you need me, you know where I’ll be. I love you. Jinjin, come say goodbye to Mama.”
“Goodbye, Mama. Don’t get sick like me.”
“Remember, only one glass of warm milk if you don’t take your medicine. But you can’t have both or else Daddy will be throwing your sheets in the washer and you’ll have nothing but a pink stain because you threw up on it. Love you.” You tapped her nose, an exact replica of yours.
“Alright Princess Jinjin-” Seungcheol started to say once you had left.
“I’m not a princess. I am a queen,” she stated matter of factly. “And you are my slave.”
“And who are you?” He didn’t have the heart to tell his daughter that you were his queen and that made her the princess by default.
“I am Elsa, Queen of Arendelle. And I command you to help me find Olaf and Sven.”
“How about we watch a movie first and then we warm you up? It’s snowing outside and if you get sick, taking you to a doctor will not be fun for either of us.”
She opened her mouth to say something and then once she processed the words, and started over. “Doctors give shots, huh?”
“They do and they hurt ...a lot. So let’s stay inside with hot chocolate and watch a movie. What do you feel like watching?”
“Frozen! Hyeon was an ass and took it off earlier.”
“Don’t say ass,” he somehow managed to say without laughing. He had to look away in order to break his composure.
“You say it to Uncle Mingyu.”
“Uncle Mingyu doesn’t count. And no, you can’t call him as ass either.”
“Okay.” She looked around the room, looking for her inspiration. “Hey, Daddy?”
“Yes, Jinjin?”
“Can you help me put my jacket on? It’s cold.” He obliged happily, zipping up the zipper as high as it would go. “And my beanie? Mama says I won’t get sick like that.” She kissed Seungcheol’s nose while he adjusted the beanie so it’d fit her head just right. “And my mittens? Elsa always wears them.”
“Okay, Your Majesty. Anything else I can do for you?”
“Can we watch the movie now?” She batted her eyelashes at him and wrapped her little hand around his and dragged him to the living room...after making her popcorn.
Seungcheol played the movie, quietly watching Jinae focus quickly on the film and throwing her favorite blanket over her to keep her warm.
*
“Jinjin,” he whispered loudly. The cold air hit him and he yelped. How he managed to fall asleep and let his daughter roam the outside world in this weather was beyond him. He just hoped he managed to find her before you got home. Realistically he still had hours but a quote, unquote Christmas miracle wasn’t uncommon. The good news was that he lived in a small gated community so it wouldn’t be too hard to find her, not that she would have gotten far too begin with. “Jinjin…” he tried again, hoping he’d get something but nothing still. “I have your favorite snack...kid where the fuck are you? If I lose you too, your mom will kill me. Jinae!”
Admittedly, the sheer terror he felt when he felt his phone vibrate went to waste but could you blame him? With his luck, he was expecting you, so when Mingyu asked if was down for poker, he laughed hysterically. And then it hit him that his phone had a flashlight and in that moment he never felt more grateful for the snow that gave away anyone who stepped on it.
So maybe he had to go back to his front porch to see where she went and he didn’t have the heart to explain to his neighbors he may have lost his daughter. And maybe the footprints stopped out of nowhere but bigger size footprints started. He would’ve been deathly afraid too if only he didn’t recognize the paw prints. So he called Mingyu who wore his signature shit-eating grin and invited him over for poker again. He could hear Jinae in the background fighting one of his puppies for one of her dolls. And when he ended up on Mingyu’s front porch, Jinae somehow roped them both into going on a scavenger hunt.
“Whoever finds Olaf and Sven will be the winners,” she announced giddily.
“What’s our prize?” Mingyu called out.
“One big hug from me!”
“Kid, I love you and all, but it’s too cold to be out here for that. Good night.” And in he went with the door slamming shut behind him.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, Jinjin?”
“Can I call Uncle Mingyu an ass now?”
“No, you can’t, but can we still look for them before your mom gets home?”
“Okay.”
“Jinjin?”
“Yeah?”
“Where exactly did you leave them?”
“Oh, um, I can’t remember. Carry me, Daddy? Whee!” She tugged on his beanie in an attempt to fix it her way. “I know that when I went outside it’s because I heard one of uncle Mingyu’s dogs. And I brought Olaf out. His puppy ripped him apart.”
“That doesn’t bother you?”
“It did but then he promised to buy me a new one. And then I told him about how I left Sven somewhere but I forgot.”
“Okay, so I’ll look for it tomorrow morning before I go to work, but don’t tell Mama I let you outside. Now when we go home we can finish watching Frozen.”
“I don’t wanna watch it anymore.”
“Okay, so which one do you wanna watch?”
“Nightmare Before Christmas! I was watching it with Uncle Mingyu...daddy, did they really kidnap Santa Claus one time?”
“No baby, it’s just a movie. Santa is safe and sound in the North Pole with the elves taking care of him to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
“Will I see Santa this year again?”
“If you’re lucky. Now-” he groaned when he put her down, “-go inside and I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”
“This is Halloween, this is Halloween!”
*
“Cheol, Cheol,” he heard someone calling his name sometime late. “Babe, I need you to wake up. Come on.”
“No,” he swatted your hand away. “Go ‘way.”
“Come on. I already put Jinjin to bed.”
At that, he woke up. “Don’t call her Jinjin. Only I can.”
“Come on you big baby. I have to talk to you.”
“I know, I know. You’re probably gonna have to work on Christmas again this year.”
“Well yeah, besides that.”
“What now? You didn’t get fired, did you?”
“No, but I think I might have to stay home.”
“Why?”
“I ran a reindeer over on my way here.”
“WHAT?! Are you okay?”
You held up the dirty but otherwise intact Sven. “I’m just fine. But why was he out there? I told Jinae he couldn’t leave the house.”
“Mama, I went exploring with him while Daddy slept! And then I lost him so I had to go looking for him with Olaf.” Jinae appeared in the living room, rubbing her eyes tiredly. It seemed she couldn’t wait until the morning to tell you her story so she plopped down next to Seuncheol and you. “And then Uncle Mingyu found me and took me to his house because Daddy wouldn’t open the door and then Uncle Mingyu called him a lazy sack of shit. And then one of his dogs ate Olaf and I cried so then Uncle Mingyu put on a movie where a skeleton kidnapped Santa Claus because he hated Halloween and then I cried again but it was okay because Santa Claus escaped with a voodoo doll! And then Uncle Mingyu said he was gonna buy me another Olaf. And then Daddy called Uncle Mingyu so they could play poker...only I didn’t want to play poker; I wanted to find Sven so I asked them to help me, only Uncle Mingyu was an ass and went inside. Then me and Daddy came home and he gave me a cookie so I wouldn’t tell you what happened…” her eyes widened. “Oops, I’m sorry daddy.”
You stared at him, not sure which emotion to process first. He fell asleep…..while his daughter went out in the cold? Mingyu babysat her while he looked for her…..? “Choi Seungcheol…”
“I swear it was an accident! But look she’s here with us. Jinjin, no more bad words. And no more sweets. Go to bed.” He motioned with his head that she was in trouble next time they were alone and when she giggled, he knew just how far away from trouble she was. “ Jagi, let’s go to bed. You’ve had a long shift and you’re probably ready for bed too, huh?”
You waggled your finger at him. “You...we’ll talk about this in the morning.” You turned around and headed straight to your room, holding back your laughter at the latest incident. “You both owe me a good ass Christmas present.”
“Mommy, you said we couldn’t say ass!” Jinae cried.
“Oh, I deserve to say it.” You figured you’d break your pregnancy news another day. There was too much chaos tonight.
A few minutes you’d gotten into bed, snuggling under the covers and getting ready to sleep when Seungcheol tapped your forehead. “Jagi, are you still mad?”
“No, I wish I could be surprised that this would happen but I’m not. At least you can handle her. Soonyoung’s wife said Hoshi didn’t wanna watch Chinsun again until she got older.”
“I’m still sorry. I know she’s smart, but you never know.” He paused. “Are you really gonna have to stay home because of that?”
You combed the hair out of his eyes. “No, but I will have to soon. How would you like to be a dad again?”
“I mean we already have our hands full with these three...wait….?”
You nodded at him. “Your dream of having your four kids will be a reality.”
“You’re my dream Jagi...you and however many kids we’re supposed to have. You could’ve waited for Christmas to tell us all.”
“The kids can wait...I figured you would’ve put it together by then.”
“Four huh?”
“Four rowdy kids you helped me make.”
“Fuck, more Christmas presents.”
#Seventeen#seventeen fic#seventeen fanfic#seventeen fluff#seventeen x reader#seventeen imagine#seventeen imagines#seventeen oneshot#seventeen series#seventeen scenarios#seventeen scenerios#seventeen scoups#seventeen christmas#seungcheol oneshot#seungcheol fanfic#seungcheol imagine#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol fic#seungcheol imagines#seungcheol x reader#scoups imagine#scoups fanfic#Scoups imagines#scoups fluff#scoups fic#scoups x reader#scoups oneshot#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines#kpop fluff
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Let’s talk about casual homophobia.
I wanted to share a transcript of a TikTok video by a minor celebrity (I won't do them the honour of identifying them, but suffice it to say that this individual thrives mostly on controversy and poor publicity), to demonstrate what day-to-day homophobic language looks like. Many of these questions have been asked to me, or tell of real things that I've experienced, due to a generally callous view of queer folks. The quoted parts are the actual video, the unquoted responses mine.
Note in advance that some of these questions are clearly oriented towards gay men, but I am responding from the perspective of a bisexual man. Anyway...
"Okay, these are my questions for the gays – sorry, I was on Straight TikTok for a minute; what?"
Or, as you might like to call it, TikTok. For those unfamiliar, "Gay TikTok" is a small subset of the TikTok community that makes videos primarily revolving around in-jokes and shared experiences of the queer community. Thus, "Straight TikTok" is only extant in contrast, a joking reference to certain, overwhelmingly heteronormative parts of the TikTok community. While I'm not a big fan of the idea of 'ownership' or deciding who's allowed to say what, this (obnoxiously straight, in every sense of the word 'obnoxious') celebrity is trying somewhat unceremoniously to insert themselves into a narrative not their own here. Not off to a great start.
(1) "Would you care if your partner was bisexual?"
Whelp, this is one I can't really answer, can I? But, this still does lean into the old "gold-star" ideology of homosexuality, which makes it off-putting from the jump. For those unfamiliar, a "gold star" gay/lesbian is one who has never had sex with the opposite gender. This is a completely silly distinction, that fails to take into account personal circumstances, as well as – y'know – the fluid nature of human sexuality. TL;DR, even if you're exclusively into one gender, you shouldn't care about your partner's sexual orientation (other than, y'know, making sure it includes your gender) because, leaving aside the absolutely rad underworld of polyamory, they're only going to be into you while they're with you.
(2) "Have you ever been with someone of the opposite gender?"
Ah, more gold-starring! A great way to start. "You're trans? What's your deadname?"
(3) "Do you take offence when a girl calls you her Gay Best Friend?"
The Gay Best Friend is an expendable, non-threatening fount of femininity in masculine form, someone to go clothes-shopping with and who will give you sassy advice on boys. God forbid, however, that the Gay Best Friend try to be vulnerable with you about the difficulties of LGBTQIA+ life; they're only there for sashaying and making out with at parties, right? The Gay Best Friend is an incredibly harmful notion to men on both sides of the sexuality spectrum. Gay (and ESPECIALLY bi/pan/poly) men already know to fear the label, because of the dismissive treatment and expectation of performative homosexuality that comes along with it. Straight men should fight against it, too, because it's a symptom of the present hegemony of heterosexual relationships, which revolves around sexual transactionalism and a healthy dose of gender-role-fuelled intimidation[1]. (If you've never heard any of those words, you're probably the target audience here.)
(4) "Be honest – how many times has a straight person tried to hook you up with a gay person based solely on the fact that they're gay and no other compatibility requirements?" (with a devilish smile, into full blown "oh guuuuuurl" laughter)
This is a real thing that happens to people, myself included, all too frequently. It tells us that when you look at me, you don't think "Oliver", you think "Gay", and next time you meet another gay guy, that's the word ringing through your head. It's not funny. It's hurtful. If you're going to recommend a partner to me, make sure you actually have faith in a connection forming. As someone who ended up in an abusive relationship as a result of overzealous matchmaking, it's not something to be taken lightly; relationships, especially gay relationships and all the societal friction they inevitably entail, are not here for your endearment.
(5) "Are you down to hook up with someone who's 'just curious'?"
MORE gold-starring! God, could you imagine the uproar if a lesbian approached a straight person and said that they "missed dick" and/or wanted to experiment!? Oh, wait, that's already common in straight porn to the point of cliché. Gag; and not the good kind of gag.
(6) "Do you proudly wear the rainbow flag, or are you kinda against it because it kinda segregates?"
...what? When I first found this video, it was being duetted (TikTok's side-by-side video response) by a queer person, and at this point they took the opportunity to say, "I don't like you." I echo the sentiment.
(7) "Are you a 'yaaaaaas kweeeeen' gay or are you, like, 'fuck that shit what the fuck?'"
WE ARE NOT HERE TO PERFORM QUEERNESS FOR YOU. Leaving aside the sociolinguistic aspects of queer language and its intersection with (read: theft from) African-American Vernacular English, if people want to act flamboyantly gay, THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. If people want to act "normal" (read: heteronormatively!!!), that's NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS. Queer people are fucking people, they act differently in different scenarios, and it's not for you to fetishize or to find "too much sometimes". When you accept a queer person into your life, you're accepting every facet of them into your life, for them to live and love unapologetically – not just the parts you find entertaining.
(8) "This might be a dealbreaker for me: do you like musical theatre?"
Yes. But even if I didn't – if I liked drinking beer and watching Nascar (sorry dad), but wish I had a boyfriend to do that with, guess what? That's my own fucking business. And, again, if your idea of a "dealbreaker" when engaging with a gay person is whether or not they like musical theatre – probably one of the most tired stereotypes about gay folks – and not, I dunno, if they're fun to be around and respect your boundaries and opinions, then maybe you're not looking for a gay friend for the right reason.
(9) "Be honest – do you still go through the Chick-Fil-A drivethrough and get that spicy chicken sandwich or those nuggies?" (big, face-scrunching smile.)
This is the one that REALLY got me. This displays just how tone-deaf this person is and how deeply they've objectified the concept of homosexuality for themselves. Chick-Fil-A is a massively homophobic organization from the top down, and they donate millions to organizations that want to bring into question my very right to exist, morally and legally.
As a straight person not affected by these issues, it's easy to say "well, I know I /shouldn't/ go to Chick-Fil-A because of the 'gay stuff', but oh IT'S SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD!". It's easy to momentarily forget one's morality because hey, it's not like you're directly hurting anyone, right? But, as a queer person who has to walk by the brand-new Chick-Fil-A at Yonge and Bloor every day on my walk to class, seeing the lines wrapping around the block lets me take direct measure of who, and how many, are willing to forget about me for just long enough to enjoy a fucking chicken sandwich. Go literally anywhere else. Eating at Chick-Fil-A is a choice, and it's a choice that informs me that you care less about my right to live than your own personal enjoyment.
(10) "Do you get upset when they have straight actors portray gay characters?"
This is a whole other debate, so I'm not going to get into the actual subject matter of this question. But hey – maybe, in an industry literally overrun with queer people, maybe we can stop converting a significant and pernicious problem in entertainment into a cutesy debate topic? Something really tells me that this person isn't going to start whipping out the intersectional feminist literature to explain their argument here. In all likelihood, it'll sound more along the lines of "but Eddie Redmayne looked so GOOD in that dress!"
(11) "And what's the GAYEST thing about you?'
Nope. Shut up and choke. I hate you.
Never tell me for a second that homophobia is "over" in Canada/the West/wherever. Never tell me that it's a distant issue, remaining only in far-off religious backwaters. This is what it can look like. Fetishization; dismissal; turning struggles for human dignity into pseudo-intellectual debates.
I'm not here to be your Gay Best Friend.
I'm not here to date your new gay acquaintance.
I'm not here to repeatedly explain to you my need to have rights.
I'm here for the same reasons you are.
I want to live and love, not to be treated like a toy.
Footnotes
[1] Okay, I'm obviously not saying that all straight relationships are built around sexual transactionalism and intimidation, nor am I saying that non-comphet relationships are not. But, in my experience as a reformed Gay Best Friend who has had to provide counsel to cishet friends over some INFURIATINGLY stupid relationship/courting issues, I would argue that a full ninety percent of them could be resolved if the experiencer simply viewed their partner/interlocutor/'tyng' as another human being, rather than being from the mysterious species that is The Opposite Gender.
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Sola Gratia (10/?)
Masterlist
Rating / Warnings : Graphic descriptions of violence, Viewer discretion is advised (short paragraph)
Fandom : Bram Stoker’s Dracula, BBC’s Dracula, various Dracula and vampire lore.
Part 10/? (2730 words)
Author’s notes : Beware ! A Dracula-less chapter (-ish) ! I promise, he’ll be back soon, he really wants to go to that Renaissance fair... (Also yay, part 10 !)
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Mary Van Helsing.
I asked Leah if she hadn't made a mistake. She almost took offense. I sat back in my chair, staring at the ceiling. What ? How ? Van Helsing ? I mean, that could just be a freaky, freaky coincidence. I laughed nervously to myself.
“Hah, you gotta admit that's funny the Van Helsing kid wants to study the Balkanic middle ages”, Leah laughed. Ditto.
Seeing as I didn't reply, she asked if I felt alright. I took a deep breath.
“Leah, there's something I need to tell you.”
“Yeah, of course, what's- Oh, fuck.”
She turned back to her laptop, and started frantically typing, cursing under her breath as she did.
“Someone got my position. Jeez, whoever those guys are, they really don't want anyone finding out they exist !”
“What do you mean ?”
“I mean there's a very good chance we will have an unpleasant visit pretty soon.”
She sounded nervous, which was a strange color on her. She activated an emergency shutdown, and closed her computer, taking a moment sitting still, eyes staring into the void. She then stood up decidedly.
“We don't know who it was, could be nothing”, I tried to reassure her.
“Yeah well, not to boast or anything, but if they got through my defenses, I really don't wanna know. Listen, let's just crash at my place, there's a chance they pinged on the VPN and actually here.”
She was so determined, I didn't even think to contradict her. She left her laptop there, only taking her bike helmet. I grabbed my bag, and followed her out of my office. Even though she was tiny, I had trouble keeping up with her fast paces. As we sped through the corridors, I caught a glimpse of dirty hazelnut hair, and grabbed Leah's arm to take a hard right into another hallway. Felt like running into Helder right now wouldn't be the best turn of events. Plus, I was supposed to give a class he was attending, so, that.
“Thinking back exit ?”
“What else ?”
We kept half-jogging to the end of the corridor, turning a few curious heads on the way, pushed on a service door, and slipped outside. The sun blinded me a second, as we made our way to the parking lot. Leah dug her keys out of her pockets, and unlocked the pad on her motorcycle, cursing a few more times every time she ripped around the keyhole. She turned to give me her helmet, and stopped halfway, wincing. Ah.
“Eris Cetero and Leah Fox. I'm going to need you to come with us.”
A very sharply dressed woman was standing a few paces away, icy stare and tightly pulled dark hair. She looked composed, unyielding, and was flanked on both sides by two men built like wardrobes, poorly dissimulating a handgun under their suit jackets. Not the kind of person to try to run away from, then.
“Listen, we didn't mean any harm. We could all just forget it.”
Sometimes, her bluntness had some perks. She had moved over in front of me, her hand grasping mine.
“You are not in trouble. At least not with us”, the woman continued. “We thought we would wait more, but you forced our hand.”
“We have no idea what you're talking about”, Leah kept going, still on the defensive.
I said nothing, trying to keep a straight face.
“My name is Mary Van Helsing. I work in the Murray Institute for the Neutralization of Abnormalities. We have a lot to discuss, especially with you, Miss Cetero.”
Ah shit. Let's think about this rationally. There was no way I could escape that situation. I also didn't want Leah to get in trouble, and I started to see she was about to keep on going if I didn't do anything. I took a deep breath, which had her stop.
“Alright. We have crossed a line digging into things we shouldn't have. You are entitled to some explanations, and if you feel like this can't be done in a parking lot, so be it. Lead the way”, I declared, trying to be as calm and composed as I could.
I was met by a look of disbelief on Leah's face, and an emotionless nod from Mary, who turned on her heels without a word. Can't believe my incredible charm hadn't worked on her yet. Leah's hand softened, and I took a hold of it as we walked to the intimidating sedan waiting for us.
~ ~ ~
The ride took a bit longer than I thought. From the moment Leah started going deeper in her search, and the moment they arrived, it couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes, and yet, it took well over half an hour to get to our destination. Maybe they were already close, and we just got unlucky. Seemed about right.
We remained silent the whole car ride. You couldn't have hacked through the tension using a damn chainsaw, at this point. Leah and I held hands, so tight I saw her knuckles going white. She was shaking a little, and I hated myself for putting her through this. If only I weren't a nosy fucking idiot.
We arrived to a decrepit-looking building, most likely turn of the 19th century architecture. Above the entrance, the stone looked like it had been engraved, a while ago, but the script was almost completely worn out. Inside, the emptiness gave an echo to every step, the ground overrun with cables coming from other parts of the house. We kept on going straight forward, went down a slope, and arrived to a huge freight elevator. It made a shrieking noise as it went down for a while, so deep we might as well have gone straight down to hell. If you believe in that sort of thing.
The elevator shook as it stopped, opening on a surprisingly high-tech complex.
“Ladies, welcome to M.I.N.A.”, Mary told us as we stepped off.
The first room was a large hall, open on two more stories, visible through balconies, on which were plastered neon lights. In neatly aligned cubicles, employees worked on god knows what, piles of paper cluttering all desks, the intermittent sound of phones and the indistinct chatter of radio making the noise almost unbearable. Mary kept on walking, some people greeting her as she passed them, and giving Leah and I the strangest looks. Ooh, boy. That was about to be fun.
She opened large fire-breaking doors, and we went on a corridor, making a few turns. As I had learned by now, I memorized the turns. Right, left at the weird plant, another left at the water fountain. She opened a door for us, leaving us to enter before her. That looked awfully like an interrogation room, with one table at the center, and two uncomfortable chairs. The double sided-mirror occupying one of the walls was also a dead giveaway.
One of the guards stopped Leah as she went after me. As she protested, they told us they would explain the situation separately. If they actually knew anything, that might be the smarter option. I reassured her, smiling, and went into the interrogation room. One of the guards came with me, and closed the door, only to stand in a corner, silent. I dragged out a chair to sit, waiting for anything to happen.
“Not really talkative around here, huh ?”, I asked, knowing I wouldn't get an answer.
Moments later, Mary came back into the room, holding a few files, one distinctly bearing my name. It does something to your ego, to have your name on a secret society's secret case file, in their secret underground bunker. The woman sat on the other side of the table, leaning forward on her elbows.
“Miss Cetero, do you really have no idea why you're here ?”, she asked.
Of course I know why I'm here. You know I know. You saw me try to fly into the wind with my partner in crime as soon as we knew you found us. I just had to put my best performance on. Tremble, Hollywood.
“Well, we did hack into some pretty secure servers to get information that we weren't supposed to get”, I told her, and shrugged. “That seems pretty clear to me.”
“There's that, but I want to talk about something else.”
Her face was completely unfeeling, yet her voice was soft, a bit too maternal for my tastes. I had a little smile, encouraging her to talk. There was no risk if I wasn't talking.
“Do you believe at all in the, quote-unquote, supernatural ?”
If she kept talking to me like I was a particularly simple child, I'd show her something supernatural pretty damn soon. I worked to keep down the wave of righteous anger crashing against the insides of my chest.
“Do you mean... ghosts ?”, I ventured.
“Among others. I'm talking more specifically about vampires.”
Her eyes were gleaming behind the rectangles of her glasses. I didn't react, other than a little laugh. Alright, keep it up, play dumb.
“Vampires ? Come on, is this a joke ? Did Leah put you up to this ?”, I giggled.
Not that dumb, fuck's sake. Nobody was this stupid. I actually wanted to kill myself. I was so in character my voice went up an octave all on its own. Repressing a shiver, I kept on smiling like a brainless fish.
“I'm afraid I'm dead serious. As... Phantasmagorical as it may seem, such creatures exist, and we believe you, and your friend, may be in grave danger.”
Well, that seemed to actually work pretty well. Not really trying to think of the reasons why I had so little trouble passing as brain-dead, I had a nervous laughter, and kept going.
“Do I have to look around for a man in a black cape next time I leave my building, Mrs. Van Helsing ?”
“Doctor Van Helsing, actually. And rather, you should look around for the man you know as professor Vlad Balaur.”
Ah, direct, I see.
“I'm not sure I get your meaning.”
“We have good reasons to think Vlad Balaur is a vampire, trying to pass himself up as Vlad Dracula Tepes, a character you of all people know well.”
I didn't say anything, but my heart sank to my stomach.
“In what I will tell you, I want you to assume everything I say is true”, she started, leaning back. “In 1896, a team made up from Jonathan Harker, Quincey Morris, Mina Murray-Harker, and Abraham Van Helsing, put an end to the reign of terror of the vampire known as Dracula. It seemed he was no other than Vlad Tepes, the Impaler, who supposedly had, quote-unquote, “died” during the 15th century. At his return to London, he decided to create this institution, to be certain that should such a horrific event happen again, people would have the knowledge and resources to deal with it.”
She took a pause, gauging my reaction. I tried to keep my innocent façade, but has strictly no idea wether she could tell I was faking. The feeling of dread creeping its way into my mind didn't help either.
“Bram Stoker was an accomplice to the whole ordeal, and published his book, which was explicitly branded as fiction. You know the rest, concerning the sometimes questionable turn of the theme into popular culture. However, vampires, among other numerous creatures, are still a threat on humanity today. And a lot of them take inspiration from ancient figures, like Count Dracula. This would not be the first time one of them fashioned himself the Dark Prince Returned.”
“I'm sorry”, I interrupted, “But how can you expect me to believe any of that ? Do you even have any proof ?”
I tried to keep my panic out of my tone. I didn't want to believe it, but what if she was right ? She couldn't be, right ? He knew so much about everything, and... I tried to calm myself down. Just need to get through this, I'll talk this out with the man himself. All would be well.
“Even if you were right, even if professor Balaur was a vampire”, I began as she only kept staring at me. “He never tried to hurt me, or had any reprehensible behavior toward me or Leah. Why would I need to be worried ?”
She looked at me for what seemed like hours, and finally pulled a file from her pile, and slid it towards me. She then sat back, and lit a cigarette. She offered one, and I declined politely, asking what was in the file.
“All around the city, for the last month, we had a count of twenty-four murders”, she declared. “Look at the pictures, and you tell me what kind of person could have done this.”
Shaking a bit, I opened the file, and instantly had to put a hand over my mouth. You can watch hours and hours of horror movies, and never get used to anything like that. Everything was red. Seeping into the fabrics, clothing, mattresses, drapes. Splattered on the walls, dripping from the ceilings. Body parts, bent in impossible angles, flesh frayed, shredded in long clawing marks, leaving the internal organs and their contents spilling out of the deformed corpses. Throats. Open. So torn apart it just looked like a bundle of rubber tubes. On one of the victim's descriptive notes, I glimpsed the word “pregnant”. I closed my eyes, looking away. There were hundreds. Mary offered again, and I took the cigarette. I closed the case file, taking a long drag.
“What happened in Romania, Miss Cetero ?”, she asked, a bit more softly.
I raised my head to meet her gaze. “I... Nothing happened. I- I visited some museums, hiked a little, why do you ask ?”
My eyes welled up with tears, and keeping on a neutral smile was a physical effort at this point. I kept seeing flashes of teeth, the horse, inside out, bled dry.
“We believe he might come from there, which is why he would identify with Dracula. He could have taken a liking to you there, and followed you here.”
“I think I would remember an encounter with something that does... that does this on a daily basis”, I snapped, fighting through tears. That couldn't be right. It couldn't.
“Your memory could have been wiped. It's not uncommon, once again.”
I started to feel dizzy. Maybe it was the cigarette. I didn't smoke very often, so that was probably that, right ? I must have remained silent a while, because Mary leaned forward, putting back the file on the pile.
“Listen, I will make this as clear as possible”, she snapped. “If we are to stop this creature, we need your full support. For some reason, he trusts you more than most. You cannot tell him about your knowledge of this place.”
She slid a card across the table.
“If you are ever in danger, or need any information, call us. We will call you if necessary.”
She put out her cigarette on a portable ashtray, and I did the same, mechanically.
“What did you tell Leah ?”, I asked.
“Nothing more than she needs to know, which does not include anything about Vlad Balaur. We think the less people know, the safer it is.”
I nodded, and slipped the card into my pocket. Nothing about this felt safe, or right, or anything but confusing, and nauseating. They escorted me out, and I still felt engulfed in cotton, everything muted, even when Leah nearly jumped into my arms as I got out. I barely realized I walked, or the time spent in the car, until they dropped me off at home.
I dragged myself to my apartment, and went straight to bed, half expecting to see him there, on the balcony. Instead, I found a note. I opened the window, and took the folded sheet of paper. The same he used back in Romania, and the same fine, elegant handwriting. It was weighed down with a polished rock, which I noticed, upon further inspection, contained a multitude of little fossils.
I have heard historians like old things, here is one.
For another, I will be back soon.
All my love,
Vlad.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
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#sola gratia#sola gratia part 10#dracula#bram stoker's dracula#dracula netflix#dracula bbc#dracula castlevania#dracula x human#dracula x reader#dracula x oc#vampire x human#slow burn#enemies to friends to lovers#enemies to lovers#romance#fanfiction#fanfic#dracula fanfic
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