#my parents had to deal with me wanting to be addressed and treated as a cat for two weeks when i was a kid. personally i think all parents

[lockandkeyhyena]

“oh you respect trans people? would you let your child identify as an ANIMAL?” yes actually but you’re clearly not ready for that conversation

[creekfiend]

I wanted to make a bonsai kitten recovery post that outlines some of the stuff that I've been doing. Because I don't think that you need to ✨see a therapist✨ to start dealing with a lot of this stuff and I get really frustrated when that is the answer that everyone is constantly giving. Firstly a disclaimer, because I know what website I am on: this is a guide for things that have worked for me! I am not everyone and if there are things on here that do not work for you or even that you think are stupid, that is fine, but please do not make it my problem. If you are reading it and you're like "that sounds like it would actually be detrimental to my specific mental health because of my specific issues" then please disregard it. Use your critical thinking skills and do what you think is right for you!

My second disclaimer is that I didn't make any of this up myself; most of these are collected from various places either in therapeutic guide books or various websites about emotional regulation etc. Some of it is stuff that I have extrapolated from those places based on experience with what works for me or does not work for me. A lot of the way that I treat myself when I need to get my body and brain into a place where I can think about stuff productively is actually directly from gentle parenting guides, because frankly cptsd recovery stuff is very often like parenting a toddler. And the toddler is you. ALL THAT SAID,

The first skill that I had to get good at, that many of the other skills depend on, is to learn how to understand when I am Reacting to something. If I am Reacting it is extremely likely that that's going to only escalate the situation and make it much worse. I HAVE to be able to tell if I am Reacting emotionally to something in a way that is coming from a place of fear and panic. This is important because it involves not being prescriptive about your emotions. You could be Reacting to something that you do not logically feel is at all justified in making you feel that way and that doesn't matter! You can't be doing math equations to try to come to the answer of how you SHOULD be feeling; you have to be observing your mind and body to see how you factually ARE feeling and then respond to THAT. This can be really hard to learn how to do especially if you were abused as a child. (If you cannot think of yourself as someone who is abused as a child perhaps it would help to think of yourself as someone who simply was not taught various emotional regulation skills for mysterious reasons that have nothing to do with your parents' inadequacies.) I need to be able to glance inward and see what the physiological reaction that I'm having is and identify whether or not I feel like this is the biggest emergency in the world that needs to be addressed right now immediately! That is a sure sign that Mr Fight and Mr Flight are in the building and it is bad to make declarative statements or important decisions when that is the case. So, I have to work on dismissing them first. That is literally the first step to any of this. One of my friends calls this "fire mittens," which is to say, if you are wearing mittens that are on fire and you try to touch stuff, the stuff will also become on fire. You have to put the fire out first before you can touch other things.

Once I have determined that I am indeed Reacting and in a physiological state of fear, I have a document in my notes app that is a "what to do when you are in fight or flight mode" guide and it has several helpful things that I will try to outline here.

Firstly, the really important thing for me for trying to get back into an emotional state where I'm capable of making decisions and being thoughtful is to feel safe and comfortable. So I actually have some stuff in my document that is straight up just like "go in the blankie nest. put on this specific music album. light this specific scented candle." etc. You might want to have a specific food or drink that is comforting to you or some other sort of stim toy that helps you regulate. If there's any calming medication or supplements for anxiety that you take as needed, now is also the time to do that. Physical sensory grounding is really important for this. This is probably especially true if, like me, you are neurodivergent, but I think it is also true for everyone because we are animals! And you can't just think about it, you have to actually do it. Which sounds obvious but is the thing that has often tripped me up in the past. Once you start getting into the habit of actually physically doing this it DOES become easier though.

One of my rules is that if I want to respond to something but I am in fight or flight mode, I don't get to respond to it for at least 24 hours. I'm only allowed to respond once I've gotten myself out of fear mode. If it is some kind of comment on Facebook that has set me off, often this means that 24 hours later I realize that I actually don't want to get into it to begin with, which is great. If it's something that is pretty serious and interpersonal with a friend, sometimes that means I have to communicate to them that I'm going to take a while to process it and then get back to them. IMPORTANT: You CANNOT do this passive aggressively or else it undermines the whole thing. You can't phrase it in a way that will make your friends think that you are guilt tripping them for "making" you feel a way. It is VERY tempting to do this when you are in the first stages of trying to form this habit and you simply need to resist the urge because it will render this step worthless. I know. It sucks.

If I am feeling fearful and insecure about friends or loved ones, I also usually try to spend some time thinking about the people that I love and care about. Because often this stuff manifest for me as insecurity that the people that I care about do not care about me, or that they think that I'm being annoying, or that they are secretly thinking mean things about me. It's obviously not good for me to constantly be imagining that the people in my life who I care about are actually avatars of my own insecurity who are here to tell me that I'm secretly fundamentally unlovable! But crucially also it's ALSO not fair to those people to imagine them as that. They are not that guy, they are their own complex human beings with their own lives and experiences and interiority. So sometimes I do thought exercises where I will imagine my friends or loved ones doing things in their everyday lives and I will think about them as people and I will think about the things that they like to do and the things that they say and the places that they go, and I will try to imagine them fondly in those circumstances. This helps to remind me that they are just people and that the scary puppet wearing their faces is not real. To this end I sometimes will have a document of screenshots of things that they have said to me that I can use to reality check myself. I personally find reality checks to be essential for a lot of this. Things can feel true when they are not true at all. Things can feel wrong when they are actually true. The point of most of these exercises is to gently remind myself that those feelings are normal for me to be having, but that I do not need to let them dictate my responses.

It is crucial throughout all of this that you are nice to yourself. You can't talk to yourself in a mean way while you're doing this, or you will not get to a point where you are feeling safe enough to react from a place of not-fear. You can't make yourself feel ashamed or defensive for your emotional reactions. This is the particular area where I find gentle parenting protocols helpful. You HAVE to be patient with yourself.

Ok that's all for now bc I ran out of steam but I will try to think of more to add on another day maybe. Godspeed everyone

[norrizzandpia]

i think this would suit lando but you being down and lando comes over later at night and takes you the park like two little kids, i can just imagine lando being a big kid at the park lmao

I’m going to need someone to love me like the fictional lando i write abt 24/7

We Can Be Kids For Right Now (LN4)

Summary: When her week has tried to suffocate her, Lando turns up at her door and forces her to remember just how worthy she truly is.

Warnings: mentions of heavy anxiety attacks, anxiety in general, language

Note: a draft bc im wrecked rn from this trip im on im so tried lol… I hate that I have to start saying this but I do not condone the reposting of my work without proper crediting or permission. If you wish to post my works elsewhere, it needs to be ran by me first by messages over Tumblr. If found that you have taken my works without my knowledge, I will report you and get my posts taken down from your blog.

Y/n never truly realized she did it until Lando, but when the man started to get close to her, he brought it to her attention that she so easily isolated herself when she started struggling. Even the smallest inconvenience and she shut down, something that irritated the hell out of Lando. Nevertheless, he loved her and the way she dealt with her emotions was something he knew she just needed to work on.

However, the problem they couldn’t get past was her ability to tell him when she was struggling. There were only so many times when he could see it written all over her face.

His comments urging her to open up to him when she was having a hard time dealing with it on her own bounced around in her head as she clutched her phone in her hands, his contact picture brightening her screen. His smile beamed back at her, almost coaxing her into tapping the call button, but her thumb hesitated. It wasn’t that she was afraid of telling him, it was that she was uncomfortable with her own emotions. Uncomfortable of leaning into them. Growing up, she was never given that ability, her parents not having the full capacity to address them head on. She never thought it truly affected her until Lando. She started realizing that he never gave her a problem to be scared, but she still was.

Her thumb had a mind of its own, though. Thankfully. And the ringing tone met her ears before she could even know what was happening. His picking up happened before she could even begin to think about hanging up the phone.

“Baby!” His cheery voice rang through the quiet room and warmed her tender heart. “What’s up? Why are you up so late? Do you want a sweet treat again?” He giggled, his TV pausing in the background.

She was silent. Her mind raced as she tried to make the split second decision of telling him or not. Though, in her silence, he began formulating an answer.

“Y/n…” He whispered, blankets rustling as she imagined him sitting up on his couch.

“Lan,” She said brokenly, albeit with an effort of trying to sound strong.

Keys rustling and his rushed, “I’m on my way, baby,” were her response.

—

Lando knew where the spare key was. It was one of the first things he asked the location of after they first said I love you. Y/n would always laugh at that memory. What she was expecting after the three words were shared was a small kiss or a hug maybe, but no, he had asked her where her spare key was. When she showed him and he very clearly took a mental note of it, she asked him what was so important about it.

“I’m your boyfriend and we’re in love. I should know where the spare key is, baby.” He had said to her so nonchalantly, as if it was societally normal to have that thought process. She just shook her head at him and took the kiss she wanted for herself. He wasn’t going to do it anyway, too entranced in the image of her spare key under her doormat. He was shenanigans bundled into one person. She loved it.

His rapping on the door pulled her from her memories. She drudged over, taking a deep breath before opening the door. He stood there in his pajamas, puffer coat thrown over haphazardly, and stared at her sympathetically. He shuffled in, arm rounding around her shoulders as he kissed her head, “Hard day?”

She sighed, “Hard week.”

He led her to the couch. The layout of her apartment was memorized in his head. “What happened?”

“I just-” She picked at her fingernails and the anxiety she usually felt when Lando asked about her worries began bubbling up. Maybe it was growth, but she thought he’s already here, isn’t he? Might as well lean on him.

So, she did. Literally and figuratively.

Lando squeezed her body as her side laid on his and she started reliving the low moments of the past few days. “Everything has gone wrong this week. I just can’t seem to win and I can’t make anyone happy.”

Tears filled her eyes and a frown appeared on her face. She cried into his shoulder when he pushed her body further into it.

Lando sat with her for a moment, rubbing her back. “That’s not true, Y/n. You make a lot of people happy. You make me really happy.”

For some reason, his comment shot fear through her body and she pulled from him. Her eyes looked anywhere other than his and the irrational idea of an expectation Lando had set for her that she did not believe in herself to meet took control of whatever plan she had to open up to him.

Lando saw it in her eyes, how distant they got. He knew this was bound to happen. It had been too easy. She had opened up to him without that much restraint and he expected a moment to come where her walls rebuilt themselves.

He just wanted her to let him in.

His hands took her face, “You deserve me. You will not let me down. You could never let me down.” He said, knowing exactly what was running through her mind.

“Y/n, look at me.” He tilted his head to meet her eyes and forced her to keep his stare, “I love you. That will never change.”

She cried harder, “I can’t even open up to you, Lan. I’m not even a good employee at a job I’m overqualified for. Yesterday, I handed in that presentation to my boss that I had been working on for weeks and when I presented it to the board of all fucking people, there was a grammatical error on one of the slides. I had confused ‘your’ and ‘you are’, Lan. It was embarrassing. They laughed and joked about it after. I can’t even fucking do my job. And I upset my mum on Wednesday. I hung up on her during an argument and now she isn’t talking to me. I’m being condemned, Lan. I can’t fucking breathe. My dad’s texting me, telling me how disrespectful I had been, but nobody hears about the parts where she called me an irresponsible adult and ridiculed me for taking a job that didn’t make me that much. Nobody wants to hear my side of the story, the part where she was so grossly unsupportive. Then, I had to cancel on Cameron on Tuesday again because I’m so fucking tired and so fucking busy. She got mad at me and now we’re in this fight because I’ve neglected our friendship. I’m a shit friend, a shit daughter, a shit worker, and it’s so obvious I’m a shit girlfriend. I can’t fucking do anything right.”

By the end of her rant, she was breathless and Lando could see she was talking herself into an anxiety attack. Her hurtful words toward herself needed to be dealt with, but he needed to stop the panic seeping into her skin.

He took her hand and kissed her head, “Come with me, my love.”

She kept crying as he led her to his car, his arm wrapped around her body securely as he whispered words of reassurance in her ear. He reminded her of how strong she was, of how much he loved her and admired her for everything she was. How wrong she was about everything she had convinced herself of.

When he softly laid her in the passenger seat, he kneeled down and kissed her shoulder, brushing her hair off the skin lightly. He looked up at her with deep green eyes filled with safety, “Don’t listen to your mind right now, baby. It’s only telling you lies.”

He lightly closed the door, running around the car to slip into the driver’s seat. When he turned the engine on, his hand settled on her thigh and began rubbing softly. He backed down and drove down the road, toward a small park at the end of her street. It was quick, maybe a minute or two, and Y/n was still crying when they parked, but it subsided momentarily when she saw where they were.

“Why are we at the park?” Lando grabbed her hand and kissed the knuckles.

He laid his cheek down on the back of her palm, murmuring, “Because it’ll be fun to be kids for right now. Not have to think about what you’re going through. We can address that later.”

A sigh of relief left her chest. The moment he had given her an opportunity to run away from it all, even for a few minutes, she almost began to feel as though she would find peace.

He always knew exactly what to do.

She gathered herself, wiping away the tears and smoothing down her hair as Lando walked back to her door, opening it and offering his hand as help for her to get out of the car. She took it. She always would. The cold air hit her body and she shivered. Lando was immediate in offering her his coat.

She shook her head, “No, I’m okay for right now.” She was just now realizing how she hadn’t gone outside in days. The cold air made her feel alive again.

Lando’s hand continued to clutch hers as they took steps toward the large structure. When she let go of his, he tensed, but he relaxed when he saw her wandering over to the slides.

She climbed up the ladder, him following behind, and found herself sat in the entryway of the whirling slide.

“Wait, wait!” Lando yelped before she could push herself down. Her head whipped around to meet his eyes.

She smiled and her body warmed when his found a seat behind her, his body consuming her and his hands wrapping around the low point of her waist. His ear right beside her ear, he kissed the top of the skin, “Now, you can go. We can go down faster, no? Seeing as I go fast for a living.”

His questionable logic made her laugh before he was pushing them off and the two were turning fast around the corner of the yellow tube. Her giggling ensued with the way he jostled them around on purpose to make the slide more exhilarating for two twenty-four year olds. And in the heat of the moment, seeing her hair float in the air and a carefree smile on her face, Lando wished she could see herself the way he did. She was superb, unbelievable. She held the strength and courage of someone so commendable. She was kind even when she had seen things and experienced trauma so young that should’ve, understandably so, made her bitter. She was merciful even when she shouldn’t be and she loved Lando in a way he had only ever dreamed of. The way she treated him, the gentleness she approached him with, was something he knew he could never let go of. She was beautiful in so many other ways than just her appearance. She was deeply beautiful and he wished she could just understand that.

When they reached the end, their bodies stopping abruptly right at the edge, Y/n laid her head back against his shoulder. He kissed her temple, “Fun?”

She nodded with a smile, “Somehow, you did make it faster.”

He shot her a look, as if to question why she didn’t believe him in the first place. He pushed her off him, sprinting to the swings and screaming for her to follow him.

“Lando! Be quiet! You’ll wake up the entire neighborhood!” She whisper-yelled at him, laughing as she ran after him.

He threw himself in the seat and began swinging his legs, no doubt gaining momentum but beckoning her over for help nonetheless.

She stood behind him, bracing herself firmly on the ground as she pushed his heavy body up off the ground. When he would meet her back on the ground, he’d lean back so his back would almost come crashing into her front. It made her laugh.

“Lando!” He couldn’t see her, but he knew how radiant she must’ve been looking. Even in his head, he continued to fall in love with her.

She kept pushing him until her arms got tired and she flopped away from him, onto the ground, in a heap of heavy breaths. When he didn’t feel her small hands on his back anymore, he jumped off the swing and joined her on the ground.

It didn’t matter how cold it was or how dirty it inevitably was, they were together and Y/n’s smile lingered on her pretty face.

Lando’s hand laced with hers in between their bodies as he softly whispered, “You’re not a shit daughter, your parents don’t know what they have and they’re too emotionally immature to realize that. You’re not a shit friend, Cameron knows that, you’re just struggling and that’s okay. You’re not a shit worker, you’re actually heavily valuable to your boss and the people around you. They’ve all told you that. And Y/n, look at me,” She turned her head to meet his meaningful ones, “You are not a shit girlfriend. You are the complete opposite. You are everything I’ve ever wanted and could ever ask for. You have no idea how in love with you I am. It’s even hard for me to understand sometimes. There is no one I have ever loved, love, or will love more than you. You are the most important thing to me, so please stop talking about yourself in this way and believing in something that has never been true.”

Everything about the moment is gentle. From the way his thumb caressed her skin to the enunciation of every word that came from his mouth, he made it clear how much love prospers for her within him every day and every minute.

She turned on her side and took his cheek in her hand, “Thank you for helping me, Lan.”

His hand squeezed her waist, “Of course, my love. You’re my favorite.”

She felt her heart blush, if that’s even possible. Maybe her face was the one blushing? She didn’t know. The way Lando looked at her as if she started life itself made her mind feel fuzzy.

Fuzzy enough to realize he was right. She wasn’t a failure or a horrible person. She was a human who made mistakes and many people loved her in spite of it. Lando being one of them.

He loved her in a way she had always craved. She both needed and wanted him. So did he. They were the beginning and end of everything for the other. It showed well that night as they held each other on the concrete of that park. It showed well because, at one am on a random Saturday, Lando had dropped everything he has doing the moment he heard the anguish in her voice. It showed well because Lando’s clear words made Y/n realize he wanted her and no one else. There was no one else like her, no one to ever replace her. Not that he would ever want that anyway. She was completely unique in the most precious way and maybe… just maybe… she was beginning to realize that too.

[arceus-insanity]

Why Did Teen & Tween Girls Love Creepypastas so Much?

The creepypasta fandom was my first fandom, it introduced me to fandom when I was 13 and every once in a blue moon, I check in on it. But why was it so popular amongst young girls? Part of it is that the line between ‘canon’ and fandom was made of tissue paper with a ton of holes. It allowed a feeling of engagement and belonging as anyone could add to the lore, and there was a possibility of your story or character taking off.

But after seeing the endless anti-writing advice of WhY dOeS eVeRy ViLlIaN nEeD tO bE cOmPlEx! No Tragic villains! We only want evil for the sake of being evil! I’ve been thinking about how all the creepypastas have sympathetic backstories, more of the creepypasta characters have tragic backstories than murderers.

Now I’m all for evil characters who are just asshats like Jack Horner (Dreamworks Puss in Boots 2), or the classic Disney villains, but so many spout this ‘advice’ without getting into why evil for the sake of being evil villains are good, or the pitfalls of tragic or complex villains, hence why I’m calling it anti-writing advice.

So why did tragic creepypasta characters work so well?

For starters and addressing one of the most dissed aspects, is the story quality, while with anyone writing or adding to the fandom quality varied to extreme degrees, most of them including one of the most well-known (Jeff the Killer 2011) was shit. These stories weren’t popular because they were well written, they were popular because they were engaging. They are like campfire stories, their value wasn’t based on quality but on the ideas they had. 

Now Teen girls and tweens are shamed for everything (See all the criticism Turning Red got for being ‘cringey’), they are dealing with the lack of respect a child gets and the expectations of an adult (to simplify). It’s also a common age for us to be discovering the darker elements of the world, assuming we haven’t experienced them ourselves yet. Many are dealing with bullies, or dealing with being catcalled or worse (a lot of the girl creepypasta’s were sexually assaulted, or betrayed by their partners). But I think a huge part of it is these characters let us live out our rage through them (to an extreme) (I recommend watching this short video on what I’m talking about, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2Ea8fwetA8). One of the criticisms I’ve seen for Encanto is how peacefully the movie has Mirabel treat Alma after everything. Part of that was to allow viewers to live out the idyllic ending that many people who relate to Mirabel in her mistreatment by her family and community where their (for lack of a better word) abusers realize they were wrong and change. The group levelling this criticism or writing and/ or reading many of the fics on ao3 want to enjoy the other confronting your abuser fantasy, the revenge route, whether that be violent or not.

Jeff the Killer; Woods (2011) Vs Hodek (2008)

Now him and Slenderman being the most famous creepypasta’s out there, Jeff’s story is known for how shit it is. The famous 2011 Woods version isn’t going to win any rewards for its writing, but it’s not the original, so why is it the famous one, especially as I heard the OG was better, or at least more realistic? Well, I read the original, watched the video, the wiki and the official DeviantArt summary for it, and wondered how the Hell is this better written or more realistic, maybe by a molecule. It was harder to follow along how Jeff Hodek became a killer. But more than that, he was boring and what could have made him a ‘relatable’ (read understandable or even interesting) character was only in the summary and didn’t have any focus on it.

Meanwhile Woods, in the main confrontations in his story, didn’t start them. First, it was some violent kids going after him and his brother and not being prepared for someone who could and would fight back, albeit very violently. This is followed by the adults (his parents and the police) only listening to one side of the story and refusing to do any further investigation, which Liu purposely takes the blame for getting taken to juvie. His mom forces him to attend some random little kid's birthday party so she can fit in even after the prior events, where those bullies then show up to attack him again. Jeff wins again but arrives at the hospital with his signature white skin. And when he gets home and ends up killing his parents, it's after his mom says “get the gun”, after finding him mutilating himself in the bathroom, not call the doctor, or authorities, kill him that's the call. The only time he starts an incident is at the end of the story, and the start which takes place after so he’s on the run in this, and how far the violence goes isn't shown in those instances. Is this some badly written power fantasy bullshit, yes, but it’s interesting, it’s engaging, and Jeff can be used as a way to vent rage with a needed amount of distance

Eyeless Jack: Everyone Gets Backstories

Eyeless Jack is a perfect example of how every popular creepypasta character had a tragic past because he did not come with one. In his original story, he’s just a scary monster who breaks into someone’s home, steals an organ and the next night kills someone in that house. There are some interesting aspects, such as his surgical knowledge and the evidence that Eyeless Jack eats people, but most he seems to be a cross between a slasher and a monster. Then someone else gave him a backstory. It had him as a medical student that a cult sacrificed to some god turning him into Eyeless Jack. And for the most part everyone accepted that as Jack’s backstory, to the point his wiki had to include it

Carrying This over to The League of Villains (My Hero Academia)

Now years after the fact and a couple of fandoms later, I finally give in and read My Hero Academia. Now the fan content that pushed me into the series were major Midoriya fans and of Class 1A. And the Fics I first sought out reflected this, but it did not stay that way. I ended up becoming a massive fan of the League of Villains, and my opinion of Deku, 1A, the Heroes, and their supporters soured more and more over time. I found that the LoV weren’t the system failing but working exactly as intended, as not only were we shown the humanity (& backstories) of the League, but the ‘heroes’ constantly making disturbing decisions and doubling down.

A huge part of why I got into the series was because the early arcs seemed to present themselves as not just being a hero story but a story that challenged the toxic elements of not just its society but others as well. But as it went on not only did the protagonists fail to live up to that, but so much of the later arcs reframe the beginning arcs for the worse. The League however delivered on what drew me to this series, there were other elements, like the smaller cast allowed there to be some actual focus & development on the characters in the short moments we got with them.

While we were constantly with the heroes, we were constantly being introduced to new characters, and focusing on the supposed ‘greatness’ of an abusive monster, and spoiled abusive brat. The solutions the hero side showed were painfully superficial, avoided dealing with any of the root issues caused by their ‘wonderful’ hero society, doubling down to hell & back and more often than not just plain stupid & ignorant.

Why I Can’t Like the ‘Good’ Victims

Part of what inspired this post was another post (It’s been months since I saw it so this isn’t an exact quote) saying that Dabi (Touya Todoroki and one of the main members of the League) was the rage of eldest daughter syndrome. Not Fuyumi, his younger sister by less than a year, and very blatantly parentified, Dabi.

Why? For starters, while Fuyumi’s intro page says she resents her abusive father, her actions paint a very different story. In practice, she’s the most eager to be a loving daughter, and constantly supports him, even against her younger brother Natsuo who doesn’t want to forgive him.

Rei is even worse for this, telling Fuyumi and Natsuo that she forgives the man who abused her to the point of a mental breakdown the first time we meet her, because he sent her a flower. And is seen at the end pushing his wheelchair around, so his caretaker.

Did I forget to mention that Touya was believed dead, at age 13, as the result of that thing’s ‘parenting’, read abuse and grooming

I want to like them, there are so many characters in this series that I want to like but I just can’t force myself to after reading this series. Because as a blatant of an example(s) the Todoroki family is, they aren’t unique.

This whole series demands that everyone be good victims, and shows that a good victim must not only be silent on their mistreatment, never act out in even the slightest way, but should support their abuser, the reward of which is going back to the same circumstances that enabled this to begin with.

[headspace-hotel]

Thinking of your post on the problems of veganism as a movement vs veganism as a lifestyle choice/one technique amongst many, that also applys super well to my issues with degrowth (And anticonsumerism as well) as a movement vs degrowth as one technique amongst many for dealing with the hydra-crisis of overproduction/resource overuse/destroying people and places for resources.

Like, in particular as an autistic person the continual recurring insistence that we need to just "change our desires" creeps me out. As someone who's difficulties were dismissed as just "having a bad attitude" and who's interests were so often dismissed as a waste of time instead of preparing for a job in the "real world" IDK if they truly understand the full horrifying implications of that line of thought.

So here's the thing with the concept of "overconsumption"

I had to do this whole project on overconsumption in my Anthropology class where I compared my consumption habits to those of someone 2 generations older, the prof clearly had in mind that we would discover a particular result that I did not end up finding.

I had to watch this documentary called "Affluenza" which was all about how Americans consume too much and they shop and buy things for fun and it's killing the planet, and it kept making these statements like "The average american does X..." and "X" would be something insane that I've never dreamed of doing.

Now I technically grew up below the poverty line, we were always financially insecure and struggling to pay bills and there was never any extra money lying around.

But my upbringing felt average, even privileged. We had a house instead of a trailer on cinder blocks, we had food and clothes. Compared to the upbringing of my mom and virtually everyone she knew growing up, we lived in fabulous luxury.

And the "overconsumption" lesson was bizarre to me because it brought up things like "going shopping for fun once a week" and "owning 20+ pairs of shoes" as if they were normal. I wear my clothes until they're unwearable and shop for clothes like once a year, and my mom has half as many clothes as I do. She feels guilty buying anything for herself and HATES shopping.

It feels like the dominant resources on living an eco friendly lifestyle presume that we have far more agency in what we buy and use than we actually do, instead of being stuck with the cheapest or closest available thing, and that our lives are full of extraneous, non-essential "consumption."

That class brought up the idea of "conspicuous consumption" a lot, or buying things to obtain social status instead of for their concrete utility. The way "conspicuous consumption" was addressed in the class was not very immediately relatable to me—I never had the option of buying clothes just to appear "with it" socially. My parents couldn't buy an extra car to fit the aesthetic of the American dream—we had enough trouble keeping the one we had running. The "conspicuous consumption" that class addressed was just not available to me.

However, I don't think conspicuous consumption is endemic to stable members of a certain socioeconomic status, because consumption is partially driven by the trauma of poverty. People who grew up poor will buy you more Christmas gifts than you can store or use, because they want to spare you the shame they experienced. Their brains are molded around the trauma of not having enough, and giving you enough is their way of keeping you safe.

Conspicuous consumption as a habit is pushed on you if your ancestors were shaped by this trauma. It is a misrepresentation to think of it as driven by pride, because your ability to perform the behaviors and mimic the appearances of a higher socioeconomic status has a concrete effect on how people treat you.

I know J.D. Vance is a nutjob now and Hillbilly Elegy was...not great (I'm more appalachian than you bitch, and I'm not even appalachian!) but the one thing that book got incredibly right was the idea of "social capital" and the way access to financial security and wealth gives you social capital. This is the main thing the current understanding of "conspicuous consumption" gets wrong—the need to escape the appearance and behaviors of poverty is seen as vain and self-indulgent, when it's a survival mechanism and it's something you're expected to engage in to gain opportunities and respect.

Poverty is humiliating. People with money never think about the fact that they have money. They think of themselves as average, if they think of themselves in terms of socioeconomic status at all. Being poor ends up embedded in the grooves and folds of your brain.

I remember when I was about 12, I gave my friend an informal tour of our house the first time she came over, showing her every room. I realized later that this wasn't exactly a normal behavior—I had done it because my mom did the same thing when she brought her friend over, and my mom had done it because it was a way of saying look, I survived. Look, I have a place to live to call my own, isn't this nice?

At its worst, anti-consumerism just reinforces the myth that your consumption is purely a matter of personal choice. And unfortunately when the conversation is ruled by the privileged, this idea will appear substantiated—because rich people can choose the aesthetics of poverty without concretely affecting the way the world treats them. A rich person can choose to live in a "tiny house" but they will never be "trailer trash."

Anti-consumerism revolves around ideas that are almost irreparably tainted by the mythology of an unequal society. Rich people possess and control the aesthetic of restraint and frugality, allowing them to playact living a Simple Life where they live in a tiny minimalist cottage and eat Healthy Vegan Oat Gruel, while McDonalds is the emblem of American excess. It is poor people's behaviors and habits that exemplify excess and greed.

Anti-consumerism isn't going to change anything until it openly confronts the fact that poverty is traumatic and consumption patterns often arise from poverty survival mechanisms.

[matan4il]

Buddie 611 meta

I LOVED that the ep showed us how Eddie wasn’t doing compressions on Buck because someone instructed him to. No, he just couldn’t stand by, couldn't let someone else try to bring his partner back to life, so he announced he was taking over, fuck anyone who would try to stop him. No one even tries to, they wordlessly acknowledge Eddie as Buck's mad with worry partner, much like how in 315, the team treated Buck while Eddie was in danger. And then Eddie shocks Buck’s heart back and gets his pulse going again. Eddie literally kept Buck’s heart going, and then he was still so distraught that he yelled at the medical staff (even though as a medic, he knows it’s pointless), “Do more!” 'Coz that’s what Eddie himself was doing, he stepped in and did more than he was asked to, a continuation of us having seen him doing exactly that in 610 as well, when he didn’t wait for Bobby to decide what to do to help Buck, Eddie charged up an electrocuted ladder he was just thrown off of. Because when it comes to Buck, he will always do more. ~~

The significance of the bond between them is also shown when Eddie is the first flashback Buck experiences within the coma dream, the first lifeline to the real world. That’s continued when the second flashback is to the tsunami, where Buck saved Chris. However, Eddie and Chris aren't quite present in these flashbacks. Buck’s subconscious is at war with itself. The Diaz boys are this powerful connection to the real world (much like Buck and Chris were Eddie’s back in 315, as I tried to demonstrate in this gifset), but the coma dream shows the power of childhood trauma and how much we can be trapped by the desire to fix it. The whole dream contrasts Buck having parents who are loving, who want and appreciate him, with everything bad that would happen if he weren’t with the 118. As the dream goes on, the price keeps getting higher, yet Buck still struggles until the very end with letting go of the illusion that his parents love him, and the sense he himself can be fixed if they do, like he’d then finally feel good enough. That’s why, in a sense, Eddie and Chris have to be more absent than present for the coma dream to be seductive. Because if they’re fully present, if he truly engages with their coma versions and remembers the family unit he has outside the dream, the balance would be tipped over, the battle would have been decided before Buck had a chance to learn his lesson.

That’s why he only hears what happened to Eddie, he doesn’t witness it firsthand, and why when the dream's seductive nature is failing, suddenly Chris is there (despite his coma version not being in LA) to tempt Buck into staying. Even then, walking away from the dream version of Chris while telling him that he’s not real is the only thing Buck says he'll always feel guilty about. ~~ 

I just gotta include a small note here on how much I love the progression we’ve had from Bobby saying in 101 that while Buck calls him “pops,” they’re not a family, through Buck telling TK aloud that Bobby’s basically his dad (in the crossover) to Bobby finally admitting this is true for him as well. I’ve pointed out this season repeatedly (like in my 610 meta) that the show’s dealing with questions of fatherhood, including the question of biology in that context, and this ep was no different, yet this truly was one of the highlights for me when it comes to this theme. I love how much Buck and Bobby mean to each other. ~~ 

Buck’s mom saying “your kids” and Buck being confused until she clarifies it’s not his actual children, it’s his students, then his disappointment, that’s one loose end that the ep didn’t wrap up, because that is a continuation of the whole sperm donor situation (with Margaret once more being at the center of confusion on whether Buck is a dad or not). This one is only going to be really addressed once Buck fully deals with his role in Connor and Kameron’s baby’s life, something he can’t properly do until he also faces his role in Christopher’s, a role that this ep really emphasized. No other kids were by Buck’s bed, not even May who has free access as a legal adult and who has now admitted she knows Buck is her step dad’s other kid. Chris needs his Buck in a way that no other firefam kid does. ~~ 

Which brings me to the heart wrenching fate we (and Buck) learn the Diaz boys have suffered in his absence. I have mentioned countless times in my meta posts how important I believe 204 was to Buddie. How critical Buck’s decision to step into Eddie’s mess with him was. Not once, but twice in that ep, first when he helps Eddie by talking to Bobby about Chris spending the day at the station with the 118, then when Buck introduces Eddie to Carla. I have always said Eddie was very attracted (and not just physically) to Buck from the start, but Eddie’s Christopher’s dad first, so he never would have been able to fall for anyone who doesn’t also love his son as much as he does. In other words, I’ve always thought the heart eyes Eddie gives Buck at the end of the Carla introduction scene, that was the moment when he was gone. And now we learn how meaningful Buck himself knows that was. Without that happening, his subconscious just knows Eddie’s parents would have succeeded with their threat of getting Chris away from his dad, leading to Eddie completely falling apart. Buddie's tale is a love story, and this coma revelation is basically the show telling us Buck’s subconscious already knows this. ~~ 

Eddie’s reactions in the real world are also a reflection of how important Buddifer’s little family unit is to all three of them. Keep in mind, even with his therapy, Eddie is still a reserved guy, right? He normally remains calm in the face of adversity, it takes a lot to rattle him, he doesn't easily get to the point where he falls apart emotionally. When he does in this ep, he only allows himself to when his son is looking away. And even then, he just can't go on answering Christopher's questions about Buck's state. So it highlights how important Buck is to Eddie, when the latter DOES fall apart. When he jumps in to take care of Buck on the gurney as it’s wheeled into the hospital. When he shouts at the medical staff. When he looks so wrecked at the hospital, close to what previously it took weeks of insomnia to do to him. When he can’t look at Buck's comatose body or stop himself from crying while he listens to Chris speaking or bring himself to be strong for his son and answer him. And of course, when the reserved Eddie goes against hospital regulations and parental common sense (to keep your kid away from disturbing sights), sneaking his son in to see Buck. But Eddie does it because he gets it. When Chris says he needs to talk to Buck, Eddie knows the full weight of this, because it’s his truth, too. Both Diaz boys need their Buck to wake up. So everything Chris is saying, all the comfort he’s offering, along with the insistence that Buck MUST return to them? He’s speaking for Eddie as well. ~~ 

I also liked that Buck realized during his coma dream two truths that seem, but are not, mutually exclusive: that he does have a family worth going back for, but that ultimately, he’s returning for himself. He’s not trying to please anyone else, he’s not trying to get anyone else’s approval. His adoptive family matters to him, even his bio parents who have failed him repeatedly matter, but at the end of the day, he’s not going back because his loved ones do or don’t need him, do or don’t accept him, do or don’t approve of him. He’s going back because he loves them and he wants to be with them. And that ties in with another thing we see in this ep. 

Bobby describes the coma dream as a world where Buck can fix everything. Buck says not all, seemingly implying he couldn’t bring Bobby back from the dead. But that’s not actually true, is it? 'Coz the coma world is Buck’s subconscious, it can be altered in whatever way he wants. Bobby can be there and talk to him despite being “dead” which means... he’s not really dead, not in the way that makes death so tragic, depriving us of our loved ones. Chris can be at the hospital, despite not being in LA and not knowing Buck. It’s a coma dream, there are no rules! Buck’s subconscious is king! And we know how important it is for Buck to fix things, Eddie pointed it out in 504, and we saw a callback to this just last week. The climax of this ep is even set against the musical backdrop of Coldplay’s Fix You. But this trait stems from Buck feeling like he needs to fix things, to be the hero, in order to be worthy of love. In the coma, Buck realizes he IS loved. And therefore, he doesn’t need to fix EVERYTHING in order to make a difference and be deserving of love. He IS enough, exactly as he is, limited fixing possibilities and all. That’s how he gets to choose both his loved ones and himself in coming back to reality. ~~ 

Oh, can we talk about the heart drawings scene from 514 and how it relates to this ep? I recently answered an ask about it, and pointed out I think Eddie’s heart has been Chris for years now, and for a long time, it was only him. But that scene showed how, thanks to the way Buck has been there for both of them along the years, helping, healing and loving them, Eddie’s heart is no longer exclusively his son. It’s Buck, too. Which explains why the heart theme we’ve been seeing with Eddie since 413 has expanded to include Buck’s in this ep, with Eddie literally restarting it. So 611 really affirms who Eddie’s heart now belongs to. We see how, without Buck, he would have lost Chris as well. Without Buck, he would have lost his whole heart. ~~ 

And that brings us of course to what kind of a person Eddie would be once that happened. We learn he would have become this angry man, drawing on his reaction during the lawsuit story arc. But notice that in both cases, a part of the issue causing Eddie's anger is not having Buck. Yes, back in s3 Eddie was dealing with Shannon’s death, but he doesn’t really start losing it until he also can no longer speak to Buck. Similarly, in the coma dream, he becomes Angry Guy due to the loss of Chris, but that is tied in with the absence of Buck in his life. In other words, losing Buck causes Eddie SUCH grief, that it has no other way out except for rage. ~~ 

Did you notice how once again, Buck got to be Madney’s truth teller? He did that first in 208, when he realized Madney are basically dating. Interestingly, everything he told Maddie about them was also true for him and Eddie. Then in this ep, he tells Chim Madney basically should be married, since they already share every other part of domestic and committed life. Obviously this will come into play soon. So just remember that once again, his words can be easily applied to Buddifer as well, plus Buck’s truth teller status was paralleled back in s2 with Maddie in 204, when she asked her brother about his newfound boy crush on Eddie... ~~ 

Okay, last one, but I just had to share with you maybe my fave parallel from this ep. You might have noticed in my 610 meta how much I think the lightning stroke parallels the shooting arc. Well, this was true with one of the sweetest moments in the ep’s conclusion. Just like how, at the end of 414, we got to witness Eddie hugging Chris while Buck watched on, so we get to see Buck hugging their son while Eddie looks on now. Except Eddie isn’t just looking. He enables the hug by helping Chris into Buck’s arms. Tell me again: how is this not a family? How are these men not partners, dedicated and loving towards each other in every way that matters...? ~~ 

Please enjoy direct links to my weekly meta posts, my Buddie gifs and more of my content in my pinned post. Endlessly thankful to @whosoldherout​, who​ blows my mind away every week with her hard work and beautiful gifs for my meta. Tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here. Thank you in advance for any reblog and like! I’m operating on far too little sleep in order to get this posted quickly, so I can't explain how much any and all encouragement matters to me. Thank you! xoxox

[jeankluv]

Birdie | Satoru Gojo - Chapter 04

Words: 4,9k

Summary: You didn’t like him, at all. But due to your bad luck you would have to be forced to work with him and different circumstances end up leading you to the fact that perhaps the word dislike is not the one you use to describe him.

Warnings this chapter: mentions of wounds

ac: _3aem

Tags: modern au, college au, fem!reader, academic rivals, he fell first, fluff, old money Gojo Satoru, abusive parents, slight slow burn, Satoru is a softy, secondary couple (Geto Suguru x oc), a bit of angst, no use of y/n, eventual smut, Gojo plays basketball

Authors notes: I was going to post this one during the weekend but I felt like posting before. I want to thank everyone leaving lovely messages and likes on each of the chapters, this motivates me so much to keep writing this story. Thank you.

Materialist | previous chapter | next chapter

Links to the fic on: wattpad | ao3

You were sitting on the floor of your apartment as you put things into boxes and waited for Gojo to arrive. After meeting him in the cafeteria and having insisted on coming and that he would show you even if he had to help with all the moving, you haven't seen him again. He hadn't even shown up in class, which was extremely rare. If your memory didn't fail you, Gojo had never missed a class.

Kyoko had told you that Suguru had told her something about family matters, so you didn't give any more importance to the fact that he wasn't going to show up to class for sometime.

The address wasn't complicated enough to take so long, and on top of that he could have sent you a message or something, so you wouldn't have to wait an hour or so.

You only wished he was not going to leave you waiting for him all day. Or else…

The doorbell rang suddenly, making you jump on your seat. You got up and walked to open the door.

He was finally here.

"Finally you're here." You said opening the door. "I already thought this was a bad joke or…" Your face dropped. "Gojo! What happened?!"

His face was purple and he had some wounds with the scab already coming off. Your heart was beating a mile an hour. Had they attacked him coming here? A thief? No, the wounds didn't seem recent.

"Oh birdie you're worried about me?" A smirk formed on his face.

"Don't joke in a situation like that asshole!" You reprimanded him. "Of course I'm worried if someone appears all wounded in my front door."

Turning on your heel you headed to the sink, you knew the house had a first aid kit, maybe you could treat him with some of it.

"Birdie…” He muttered approaching you. "It's okay, they are old."

"You got into a fight?" You left the first aid kit back on it's place. "I never pictured you like those kind of boys."

"A bad boy?" A smirk appeared on his lips.

"No. An asswhole who would get on a fight and would end up all wounded.”

He looked at you and then smiled. "Should we start?" He turned around and walked around the tiny apartment.

"Yeah. I brought my notebook and everything the professor gave us." You said taking everything out of your bag. "This is not the best place to study… but since you insisted so much, we will have to deal with these boxes and everything around us."

"You used to live here?" He sat down on the bed. "It's…"

"Tiny? I know but it was the best I could get when I got here." You sat next to him.

He nodded and grabbed one of your notebooks from your hands. "Your parents don't live in…"

"I don't have parents." You cut him off. You didn't want to talk about the matter and hoped that Gojo would catch it with the cold tone you used.

Gojo cleared his throat and murmured a sorry, before turning to face you.

Placing the notebook between the two of you, he spoke. "So…" He looked at the notebook. "What's exactly what you don't understand?"

You thought for a moment. "I guess the problems." You pointed them out. "I understand most of the formulas but when it comes to start resolving the problem I find it confusing and ended up taking data that is not, or so I think." You mumbled the last part.

"It's true that the way professor Tanaka redacts her problems are a bit confusing, but once you realize how she redacts them you will see that they are always the same." He pointed out. "If you know the equations it shouldn't be difficult for you." He looked at you. "Let's start with this one, try to solve it and I will also do the same and see where you fail okay?" You shook your head and Gojo smiled, grabbing a pen from your desk and a piece of paper to start on with the problem.

Minutes started to pass and you were embarrassed, you didn't want to look at Gojo because you knew he finished the problem long ago but here you were looking at the result you obtained knowing that it was impossible to get to that conclusion.

You had been competing against Gojo these last few years to be the best academically and you had never managed to surpass him and now you were embarrassed because a stupid subject had stuck and you were unable to advance.

You dropped your head forward, it already hurt and it was only the first problem.

"Bridie…" You heard Gojo spoke. "You need help with the problem?"

You nodded without looking up and you could see how his hand took your notebook and turned it a little so he could see what you had done. He would probably think you were an idiot and laugh at you.

"Let's do it together, okay?" You nodded again.

What expression would he have at that moment? Was he holding back his laugh? You wanted to look up but you were too embarrassed.

"Let me sit next to you." You could feel how he moved and stood next to you. "This way we can both read the statement." You murmured okay and then he started to explain. "Well, what I usually do is point out the important aspects of the problem." He pointed to the information. "And then write them down on the sheet, so you have a global idea of everything."

He began to write everything down and write down the names of what each thing was. It was true that that way you could see everything more clearly.

"If in the problem can be done, I usually make a drawing."

"I used to do that in chemistry." You said.

"Yeah me too." He responded. "That way it was easier to know what quantities each mixture needed." You nodded. "Well, it's similar here, that way you get an idea of what you're looking for." He finished drawing and showed it to you. "Do you see it clearer that way?" He said, turning the page and showing it to you.

You definitely did and now things made sense, not like before. You nodded and Gojo handed you the paper so you could do the problem. You started doing it, now everything was easier.

"I will be back in a minute." He stood up and exited for a moment.

You saw him leave and you paid your attention back to the problem again, this time you would get it and if you used what Gojo had taught you again you could solve the rest of the problems without help.

You felt like a weight was lifted from your shoulders being able to master this. Passing all the subjects meant that you would continue to qualify for the scholarship so you could continue studying, but if you failed in any of them, the scholarship would disappear and your dream of continuing with your degree and graduating would also disappear.

You smiled when you checked the result, it was correct. You had done it. You looked at the door where Gojo had left and when you saw that he did not return, you got to work on the rest of the problems using the method that Gojo had taught you. Underline, write down, draw (if possible).

Underline, write down, draw (if possible).

Underline, write down, draw (if possible).

You don't know how much time had passed when Gojo returned, but you had managed to solve 5 problems on your own.

"Birdie, I went and buy…"

"I solved them!" You showed him. "I did it!"

Gojo looked at you and then at the page. "You did it. Good job birdie." He smiled. "That's because I am an excellent teacher."

You laughed and rolled your eyes. "Actually it's because I'm an excellent student."

"Sure…" He looked around. "I think our lesson for today it's over."

"What? You almost did nothing."

"I helped you understand how to solve the problems!" He replied.

"And? What a shitty teacher you are." You crossed your arms and sat on the bed.

"You mad at me birdie?" He sat next to you. "Come on, I bought you snacks." He moved the bag in the air.

"Snacks?" You looked and tried to grab the bag.

"No, no, no." He shook his head with a playful smirk drawn on his face. "First you need to admit I'm an excellent teacher."

You huffed, brushing a strand of your hair out of front of you. "Okay, you're the best tutor I've ever had." Gojo smiled and handed you the bag.

"Hey, have you had any other private tutors?" He looked at you while you rummaged through the bag and grabbed one of the snacks.

"No." You smiled while eating a piece of the snack.

Gojo laughed. "So obviously I'm the best."

"Of course, there hasn't been any other." You shrugged.

"Now." He stood up from the bed. "How should I help you here?" He looked around.

"You are going to help me?" You looked at him swallowing the piece you just ate.

"Sure. And don't say there is no need."

"Hmm." You thought, he was taller and stronger than you. "Could you bring me down the things that are in the top of the closet? Most of them are winter clothes or old things, but I barely get there and they are quite heavy." Gojo looked where you were pointing and nodded. "Thank you."

"We can have another tutoring session through the week." Gojo said. "We have the same free hours, so… if you want."

"Yeah, okay." You nodded. "I still have some doubts on another aspect of the subject, maybe you can help me."

"Of course I can, I'm the best."

"You're the best." You said at the same time, rolling your eyes. "Again thank you Gojo, for… helping me, I guess." The words had cost you, but they were finally out.

"Birdie." You looked up at him and he was shaking his head. "I should be the one thanking you."

You tilted your head to the side, what did that mean? "Why?"

"I guess for giving me a chance or something like that?" He left one of the bags he had taken on the floor. "I know you don't like me, I don't know why, really, but I'm glad they put us in that job together." He smiled at you. "It will be the last time you have to put up with me."

What did he mean with that last sentence? Gojo climbed back onto the chair and continued taking out the bags without saying a single word again. You also did your thing, keeping things in a box and leaving everything as if no one had ever lived in that apartment. But you couldn't get that phrase out of your head, next year you would share even more classes, in the end you were studying the same branch, why did he said that as if he wasn't going to come back?

You looked around at the boxes, not many, but full of what you had brought from your grandmother's house and what you had been buying and acquiring these last two years, nearly three years. It was at times like this where you missed having your grandmother with you or having been able to have your mother next to you and that she would have been there to see you grow.

You hoped that they were both looking down on you and feeling proud of what you were slowly achieving.

The ringing of a phone snapped you out of your momentary trance. You grabbed your phone to see that it wasn't yours, it was Gojo's, who was leaning face down on your old bed.

"Hmm, Gojo." You called him, he was still taking care of winter clothes you told him to. He looked at you and you pointed to his phone. "Someone is calling."

"Can you check who it is?" You nodded and grabbed it.

"It says… mother." You didn't know if it was your feeling or what, but you could swear that Gojo tensed up the moment you said the word mother.

"Hang up and put the phone on silent please." You nodded without asking questions, you didn't want to get involved in matters that weren't yours.

You felt a pinch in your heart as you thought about the tone Gojo had used. He didn't seem to get along with his mother, or maybe they were just angry about something. You've heard rumors about the Gojo clan, who hasn't? The entire university had heard them. Satoru Gojo was the only son and grandson, which made him the heir. An extremely rich heir.

The Gojo clan had dedicated more than three generations to their law firm and had gained incredible fame, positioning them in the upper class of Japan. From what you understood, Gojo's great-grandfather had been the one who started the business, in the 1930s he traveled with his wife to the United States where he started from scratch and managed to make his way and by the 1960s he was already a truly known man, and returned to Japan where he earned the respect of the upper classes. His son inherited the business after the death of him and later Gojo's father and now it would be Satoru Gojo's turn. But he had decided to take another alternative and ignore the wishes of his family.

When you had your first encounter with Satoru Gojo, the first day, when he dumped you and didn't even look at you, you thought he was a brat and later that day you learned who he was. The rich boy from the Gojo clan.

When you started classes you thought he was there for his parents' money, you never saw him doing anything and you knew from the voices in the hallways that he went from party to party every weekend. They said that he never slept with the same girl, he had seemed like a textbook fuckboy to you.

That is why you were distrustful and so extremely curt with him. You couldn't trust him, but the bastard made it really difficult. You had gotten to know him a little and something inside you had softened, even if you wanted to ignore it.

You shook your head. You could stop thinking about it. Once the work was finished everything would be over, yes that's. Everything would end, but why did that make you feel sad?

"In the clouds again, birdie?" Breath hit your ear causing you to stir.

"Fuck Gojo!" You turned to look at him covering your ear. You hadn't heard him come down from where he was.

He smiled showing his teeth. "I'm done. What do you want me to do now?" You looked around thinking. "I can help you with your underwear if you want." He smiled sideways. The colors of your face were probably at their peak. You wanted to kill him for teasing you like that.

"Gojo, you want to die?" He laughed.

"I was kidding birdie. But c'mon what can I do for you?" Fuck, there it was that look again and you heart beating loudly on your chest.

"Put the kitchen utensils in the boxes." You pointed your finger at the boxes on the dining room table.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

A couple of hours had passed since Gojo's arrival at your former apartment, the sun was now setting. The apartment appeared nearly untouched, as if no one had lived in before. You wiped your forehead with a tissue and glanced at Gojo, who was diligently packing items into boxes.

There had been little conversation between you two; in fact, Gojo had hardly uttered a word since you mentioned his mother's phone call. He hadn't even agreed to take a break, indicating his determination to assist you in getting everything sorted as quickly as possible.

Sitting on the bed, you idly swung your feet in the air, waiting for Gojo to finish packing the last of the items he held. If someone were to walk in at that moment, they might assume something entirely different. I mean, who would come to assist a mere "classmate" in cleaning up their old apartment? Hardly anyone, right? That's what made Gojo's actions so puzzling. Why did he choose to help? Did he have hidden motives, or was it simply an act of goodwill? You couldn't say for sure, and part of you hesitated to even ask and find out.

"All done." Gojo spoke putting both hands on his waist and showing his smile. He really had a perfect smile.

"Good." You stood up. "Thank you."

"You're welcome birdie." He said patting your head.

You moved his hand. "I'm not a dog for you to do that to me." You said upset.

"Alright."

He walked past you with a smile and grabbed his cell phone that was still on the bed. The smile disappeared when he looked at the screen. Had something happened? Gojo looked really distraught. You had to do something, right?

"Gojo are you…?" You started to talk.

"I need to make a call, I will be right back." And he existed the apartment leaving you alone.

You turned around on your own feet and sat back down on the bed. Was he alright? Should you ask him?

"What would Kyoko do in a situation like this?" You whispered to yourself.

Probably she would try to talk to him and comfort him. But for Kyoko was something natural for you, not at all, you didn't know how to handle feelings well, you weren't good with your own, not to mention the others. You grabbed your phone started playing with it, nervously trying to figure it what to do once Gojo was back.

You were so lost in your own thoughts that you didn't hear Gojo re-enter. You didn't notice his presence until you felt the mattress next to you sink, indicating that he had sat next to you. You had your back turned to him so you couldn't see his face. It was then when you felt his arm grab you from behind, making you shiver at that sensation. What the fuck was he doing?

"Gojo, what…?"

Gojo cut you off before finishing the question. "Just stay like this." He hid his face in the crook of your exposed neck. And he muttered against your skin. "Please…"

You remained silent, offering no protest or words. It was the first time you witnessed Gojo in such a vulnerable state. Resting your chin on your hand, you gazed at the white wall of your old room. The room echoed only with your faint breaths, mingled with the distant sounds of the bustling street.

Feeling moisture on your shoulder, you realized Gojo was crying as he held onto you. Uncertain of how to respond, you grappled with the dilemma â€" should you ask him, step away, or maintain a silent pretense? Opting for the cowardly choice, you remained silent, pretending it wasn't unfolding.

After a few minutes, Gojo released his grip, audibly sniffing. Without turning around, you rose from your position and headed to the kitchen. It was nearly 11 pm, and you needed to return to Kyoko's house. Fortunately, you managed to organize and clean everything, making it easier for you to retrieve your belongings later.

"I…" You swallowed. "I think it's time to go." You still didn't turn around, he probably didn't want you to see him in that state.

"Yeah…" He whispered and you heard him moving from his place.

Your heart was pounding in your chest. You were afraid that with the silence that was there, Gojo would hear it. You felt his presence behind you. Shit, you should have asked him how he was feeling? Something?

"Take your things, I will take you home." He said passing next to you and exiting the apartment.

Taking a deep breath, you pondered the recent emotional outburst. How should you respond to this unexpected side of Gojo? His tears left you perplexed, and the tired, sorrowful tone in his voice during the call lingered in your thoughts. It struck a chord, reminiscent of your own moments of vulnerability with your grandmother.

Despite your usual disdain for Gojo, you found a desire to comfort and uplift him. You wished for the return of the annoying yet smiling Gojo, even if most of the time, you wanted to strangle him.

Heading to the apartment's desk, you gathered bags containing items for Kyoko's house, leaving the rest for donation. Struggling with the weight, you loaded your backpack and carried multiple bags on each side. Now, burdened with a load twice as heavy, you realized you genuinely needed Gojo's help. Stumbling out of the apartment, you navigated the challenge of your hefty cargo.

"Sorry." You noticed how your left shoulder lightened. "I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice the bags you wanted to carry." Gojo had taken all the bags in your hands without any effort. It wasn't surprising, after all he was the star of the basketball team.

"It's okay…" You followed him. "I was handling it just right."

"It don't look like that." He smirked.

Oh he was back. And you were happy.

"For real." You replied.

"For someone that has a black belt in taekwondo, you are actually pretty weak birdie." Now he was mocking you.

"Did Kyoko tell you that?" He nodded. "Well let me tell you I have pretty strong legs."

"I would love to see that." He said with a smirk, leaving the bags in the car.

Your cheeks turned, you knew he was saying it with other intentions. "Gojo, don't you dare. Or I'm going to kick your ass for real." You slammed the backpack against his chest causing a whimper to leave his lips.

"Alright bridie, but be careful with me. I'm a delicate guy." He pouted.

Rolling your eyes, you settled into the passenger seat, and Gojo started the car. As you directed him to Kyoko's home, a comfortable silence enveloped the car, only disrupted by the radio's music. Despite the lack of conversation, it didn't feel awkward.

The recent emotional episode played on a loop in your mind. The urge to ask if he was okay lingered, but uncertainty held you back. Sneaking glances at him from the corner of your eyes, you couldn't deny his attractive profile. Everything about him seemed perfect, explaining why everyone seemed captivated by him.

"Eh…" You played with your fingertips. "Gojo." You heard him humming. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah!" It didn't sound genuine. "Don't worry."

You nodded, although you didn't trust his words. He wasn't telling you the truth but you didn't want to pressure him, so you let it be. You closed your eyes and you leaned back in the seat, leaving your mind blank and letting the dim street lights increase your sleep.

At some point you actually fell asleep because the next thing you remember is fingers leaving a strand behind your ear. You opened your eyes and rubbed them, it was already completely night outside.

"Was my car comfortable, bridie?" You nodded still sleepy. "So cute." You heard him softly laugh.

"Huh?" You snapped back and looked at him.

"Good morning or should I say good night?" He titled his head.

"I fell asleep?" He nodded. "Shit, sorry…"

"Don't worry, you looked cute with the drool falling." She teased you as she brought her hand up to touch your chin.

You hit his hand and turned your head to avoid his gaze, you felt like your cheeks were burning at that exact moment. "Gojo, you're an idiot."

He laughed and then cleared his throat. "Mhm… Next Friday we have…" He paused for a moment playing with his hands on the wheel. "We have a basketball game."

"Good luck." Although you knew they didn't need it after all Gojo was there and he was the star of the team, of course.

"I would like you to attend." That tone, was he nervous?

"Gojo, I have to work."

"Talk to Haibara I'm sure he won't mind. Or I will talk with him." You shook your head.

"No." You moved on your seat. "Gojo, tell me something." He hummed. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Yeah, why do you want me to go to the play?"

He fell silent, you could tell he was trying to find an answer. Was it that difficult to tell you why? "Just because?"

"Just because?" You repeated. "That's not an answer Gojo."

He sighed in defeat. "I would like you to be there." He looked at you. "So please come."

Now you were the one that stayed quiet. He wanted you there? Why? Was this a joke? So many questions were formulating in your head and you were feeling so weird about it.

"Birdie?" You came back when you heard his voice. "You ok…"

"I need to leave." Unbucking the seat belt and opening the door. "I'll see you tomorrow in class, right?" To which Gojo nodded. "Good! Then see you tomorrow and treat those wounds so they don't get worse." You got out of the car and turned one last time to say goodbye. "Good, see you! Bye!" And you can swear you ran grabbing all the things and trying not to fall in the front door.

You entered the house and dropped everything to the floor, making a big noise. You touched your forehead, did you have a fever again? No that was not it.

You heard your name and saw Kyoko's mom in front of you. "Honey, you are all red!" She approached you. "Are you sick again?" She said touching your face.

"It's okay, I just… everything was really heavy and I got tired." You looked at the bags.

"Did you bring everything on your own?" She said worried. "You should've called."

"No, no." You shook your head. "A friend helped me out."

"Oh okay honey." She smiled. "Kyoko still hasn't come back."

"Really?" You looked at her with surprise.

She left before you in the morning and was almost dinner. But that was a good thing, She must have been having a good time with Suguru.

"Do you know by any chance the guy she was meeting?"

"Yeah, he goes to the same college as us and it's our age." You smiled. "And don't worry, I think he is a really good guy."

"It's good to hear that. Let me help you with those bags." She took some of the bags and you did the same with the others.

As you unpacked your belongings, primarily clothes, you couldn't help but notice the stark contrast between your wardrobe and Kyoko's. While you leaned towards black attire, Kyoko embraced a more flirtatious style with bows and pastel colors. Despite these differences, your bond remained strong, understanding each other perfectly.

The sound of approaching footsteps and the creak of the door opening interrupted your thoughts, signaling someone's entrance into your room.

"Ah." Kyoko sighed. "I might be in love." She threw herself to your bed.

"Was it a good date?" You said, crossing your legs and looking at her.

"The best." She sighed again. "He was… ugh." She hid her face in your pillow. "He was so attentive, I had never had such a good date."

"Wow." You let out in surprise. "You are for real?" She nodded. "I'm so happy for you Kyoko. Suguru seems like a nice guy."

"Thank you." She smiled. "And how was yours?"

"My what?"

"Your date."

"I didn't have a date, Gojo came to help me study."

"Okay, so your study date." You held a pillow and threw it to her. "Sorry. But did you study?"

"Yeah… He actually helped me a lot." You sighed.

You wanted to tell Kyoko about what happened with Gojo but you felt it was too private to go around telling other people.

"What's up with that sighed?" Kyoko questioned you.

"Nothing, just thinking." You bit your lip, Kyoko probably knew you were hiding something from her. You needed to bring up another topic. "Gojo asked me to go to his match."

Kyoko let out a gasp and crawled over to you so she was facing you. "Next week?" You nodded. "Suguru asked me too!" She grabbed your hands. "We have to go."

"I have to work that day."

"Talk to your coworker…" She put her puppy eyes.

"Don't use those eyes on me." You looked the other way. "But I might talk with him."

"Yay!" Kyoko screamed. "It will be so fun."

Kyoko stayed in your bedroom for the next couple of hours, both of you stayed talking about different things. She also told you more details of her date and so on. It was almost 2 a.m. when you laid down on your bed. You were going to be tired in your classes, but spending time with your best friend as if you were 14 was worth it.

You spent the night reflecting on the unexpected events of Gojo's vulnerability, the request to attend his basketball game, and the strange connection that seemed to be developing. As you drifted into sleep, you wondered about the complexity of relationships and the uncertainties that lay ahead.

Author’s note: fourth chapter done. Ngl the scene of Satoru back hugging birdie was inspired by the scene of Maomao and Jinshi from The Apothecary diaries. Also birdie is starting to be softer when it comes to Satoru, our girl has trust issues

- if you wanna get tagged, comment -

Tag list: @lavender-hvze, @crybabytoru, @sanriosatoru, @norvacaine, @sadmonke, @faetoraa , @hexipessimistic , @gojoful

[lucy90712]

Christmas at home- Pablo Gavi

WC: 2.6k A/n: in this story Gavi never got injured so he's still playing with the team 

Christmas has always been an interesting topic of discussion in mine and Pablo's relationship. When we first got together it was right at the start of November so we spent Christmas with our own families that year and last year we spent it with Pablo's family. This year we are going to see my family which has taken a lot of planning as my family don't live in Spain I'm just there to study so we had to book flights and see how long Pablo could be away for before he had to go back to training. We had everything sorted then the club decided to play a friendly in Dallas right after the last league game which ruined our plans a bit. Now instead of coming with me when I go home Pablo has to go to the states and then back to Barcelona and from there he's coming to see me and my family. 

I went home the day after Pablo's last league match and have enjoyed spending time with my family but I have been waiting for the day that he finally arrives as we don't get much quality time together so having him for the holidays is always my favourite parts of the year. All last night I couldn't sleep waiting for Pablo to text saying he'd got on the plane but instead I got a text saying his flight was cancelled and he's was having to get another later flight. This later flight would mean he's not landing until this afternoon which would be fine if we weren't supposed to go to a big family gathering at my grandmas house. Every year my grandma gets everyone in the family to come round a few days before Christmas so we can all celebrate together and I was so excited for Pablo to come and meet the rest of my family that he hasn't met before but now I don't think he'll make it. I was also supposed to collect him from the airport but he told me not to and that he'd find another way there. 

As much as I tried to hide my disappointment my parents could tell straight away that something was bothering me. To start with I refused to tell them what was up as I didn't want to ruin everyone's day plus there's nothing they can do so I just wanted to deal with it myself. Eventually though I could feel myself getting more and more upset so I decided it would be best to confide in my mum just to get my feelings out.

"Whats wrong sweetheart?" My mum asked as I sat down next to her 

"Pablo's flight was cancelled now he's not coming until later so he's going to miss the gathering at grandma's and I can't even go and get him from the airport" I explained 

"I'm sorry honey I know you wanted him to meet the rest of the family but at least he can get here still you'll still get to see him today just later" my mum said trying to make me feel better 

"I know it's just I told everyone Pablo would be here and now they are going to think he's a bad boyfriend" I said 

"Well you can explain the situation and if some people don't get it that's ok me and your dad love Pablo and we know he treats you so well and eventually everyone will get to see that whether it's now or another time" she said 

"Thanks mum that makes me feel a bit better" I said 

She gave me a hug and then we set off to my grandmas which isn't too far luckily. The entire car journey I was texting Pablo and just before we arrived I gave him the address of my grandma's place just in case he arrived in time to meet us there but I don't think his flight will land in time. Once we did arrive though I put my phone away and promised myself I wouldn't check it again until we left as I want to spend quality time with my family and not worry about how long it will be until Pablo gets here. 

After going in and seeing everyone I felt so much better my grandma greeted me with a big hug and took me off to the living room to tell the family what I had been up to as apparently I now lead the most interesting life out of everyone so they all want to hear how my life has been. Luckily I remembered to bring some things with me to give my younger cousins who are all obsessed with football, Pablo wanted to give the stuff to them but seeing a he's not here I did it for him. Everyone ended up crowded around my phone as I showed them pictures of the places I'd been and some of the amazing matches I'd been to. 

At these gatherings we always have a big family dinner and because I missed last year I've really been looking forward to today as there's nothing quite like homemade food from your grandparents. Being one of the oldest grandchildren I'm usually tasked with helping set the table and bring in the food which when I was younger I hated but now I like getting to be a part of everything plus I can get some of my cousins to help if I promise them more dessert. As we all sat down I felt a few people staring at me which made me feel a little uncomfortable but I just continued to eat and talk to the people sat next to me. 

"Y/n I wanted to ask didn't you say your boyfriend was coming for Christmas this year?" My uncle asked 

"Umm yeah he will be he had a match to play over in the US and he was supposed to fly in today but his flight got cancelled so he's arriving a bit later than expected I wanted to bring him here but things just didn't work out" I explained 

"He's rich could he not have got a private jet if he really wanted to be here" my aunt said 

"It's not that easy and he's not like a millionaire he really wanted to be here but the situation is out of his control one day I'll bring him to meet you all" I said trying not to show how annoyed I was feeling at the interrogation 

Just as everyone else was about to continue berating Pablo and our relationship the doorbell rang so I excused myself to answer it as I happened to be seated closest to the door. I was drowning in my own thoughts to the point that when I opened the door I didn't even pay any attention to who was stood there and just said hello like I would to anyone stood at the door. It was only when I heard the person stood in front of me speak that I really paid attention and once my eyes confirmed what my ears heard I freaked out. 

"Is that how you're going to greet me after I've just rushed here to see you" Pablo laughed 

"Oh my god you're here you made it" I smile jumping into his arms 

"I did make it there was one free seat on an earlier flight and I managed to get it thanks to the airport manager knowing who I was and now I'm here" he explained 

"What's wrong you don't seem very happy I thought you were excited to come here" he questioned 

"I was but just now everyone was questioning how much you actually cared about me and our relationship" I admitted 

"I'm sorry amor this is my fault if I was here earlier they wouldn't be so mean but I can show them now how much I really love you" he said 

He left his suitcase by the door and gave me a quick kiss before I led him through to where all my family were sat. There was a long silence as everyone realised that they were wrong about Pablo. I knew from the second they all met him they'd love him as everyone does you can pretend to hate him but deep down there's no way anyone can't not like Pablo he's just too sweet. My mum pulled up a spare chair next to mine so Pablo could sit and I got him some food as I know he'll be hungry. He didn't get much chance to eat though as everyone wanted to ask him a million questions but he didn't seem to care at all he was more than happy to talk to everyone especially my cousins who were so excited to have a footballer as part of the family. 

Dinner went a lot smoother with Pablo there and everyone apologised to me for thinking that Pablo wasn't a good boyfriend. In fact so many of my aunts and uncles as well as older cousins told me how lovely Pablo was and how obvious it was that he was that he was completely in love with me which was really nice to hear. I know Pablo loves me but to hear others say that they can tell just by watching us makes me happy as sometimes I get a bit insecure as Pablo and I don't exactly lead the same lives and I always worry he'll find someone better. We had a great time for the next few hours until it was time to go and everyone said their goodbyes and I had to make a promise to come home more often. I expected Pablo to be exhausted after so much traveling in just a few days but to my surprise he stayed awake for the entire car journey back to my parents talking to them while holding my waist and letting my head rest against his shoulder. Once I had helped him unpack Pablo wanted to go straight to bed so that's what we did but not before he smothered me in kisses. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Most days I am woken up by Pablo's alarm as he gets up ridiculously early every morning but this morning was different. Just before my eyes opened I could feel something trailing up and down my side and as my eyes began to open I felt soft kisses being pressed to my neck and cheek. Being woken up by kisses I think might be by favourite way to wake up especially on Christmas and at home with my family. As soon as Pablo noticed that my eyes were open he pulled me on top of him and held me close like we hadn't seen each other in months even though it was just a few hours ago before we went to sleep. 

"Merry Christmas preciosa" Pablo whispered 

"Merry Christmas guapo" I whispered back 

"How long were you waiting for me to wake up?" I asked 

"Not too long you are a quite a light sleeper at times although I did spend a bit longer staring at you" he said 

"Staring at me while I'm asleep that's a bit creepy don't you think" I laughed 

"You just look so pretty I can't help it" he smiled 

We joked around for a few more minutes before I rolled off of Pablo and out of bed pulling him up with me once my feet hit the ground. We both got changed into Christmas pyjamas as thats a tradition my family have we spend the day in Christmas pyjamas and seeing as it's Pablo's first Christmas with us my mum gave us both new matching ones to wear. Of course I had to take a few pictures of us in our matching pyjamas one of which I secretly sent to the rest of the team as I knew they'd like to see the pictures and tease Pablo about it. When we made our way downstairs the Christmas tree lights were already on and I could smell food cooking in the kitchen which meant my parents were already up and preparing for later. They greeted us both with a merry Christmas and we did the same before sitting down to enjoy the breakfast that had been made for us. 

After breakfast it was time to open presents but as soon as I started sorting through the presents Pablo sprinted upstairs and came back downstairs with his stacked with presents. He handed a few of them to my parents then put the rest in front of me which earned him a glare as I told him not to get me too much but clearly he didn't listen. My parents opened their presents from Pablo first and he nailed it he got them both things they really liked. He refused to let me open any of my presents from him until last so everyone opened their other presents first then finally I was allowed to open mine. 

Pablo really spoiled me. He got me the perfume I like, loads of new clothes from brands I could just tell were expensive even without knowing what they were. He also got me a really pretty dress which he told me was for a date that we were going to go on before we leave to go back to Barcelona. There was also lots of books as he knows I like to read and some new baking supplies as I'm always trying out new recipes and he's always trying what I make even though he says he shouldn't. Pablo got me so many things but when I thought I had finally opened them all he pulled out a small present from behind his back and handed it to me. The look on his face didn't really give anything away so I just took the wrapping paper off which left me with a little jewellery box. Inside the box was the prettiest gold ring with three tiny little diamonds across the top giving it a bit of sparkle but not too much at the same time. Pablo gently took the ring out of the box for me and then held my hand which made me look up at him. 

"This is a promise ring I want you to have it because I know you're the one for me and in a few years I'll replace that with a real engagement ring but for now I want you to be able to wear this and be able to look at your hand at any time and know that I'm there for you and I love you more than words can describe" he said sliding the ring in my finger

"Thank you so much Pablo this ring is beautiful" I replied shakily trying not to cry 

"A beautiful ring for the most beautiful girl I've ever met I know there are times that you don't feel that statement is true but I promise you are the only girl for me and this ring is there to remind you of that" he added 

"I love you so much thank you" I said finally letting a few tears escape my eyes 

"I love you more and don't even try to fight me on that" he laughed while wiping my tears

Of course my parents were both so happy for us and my mum had to take pictures of the both of us and of the ring to send to the rest of the family and Pablo sent some to his friends so my phone was blowing up for the rest of the day. I ignored it though as I was having such wonderful time playing board games and eating far too much food to really care about what was going on with my phone. This Christmas has been all I could've wished for getting to spend it with my family and my boyfriend at home has made for one of the best Christmases I have ever had and now I can't wait to do this again a few years down the road. 

[cursedvibes]

comparing geto and maki's massacres as the same is crazy to me. geto slaughtered an entire village of defenseless people and justified it as protecting sorcerers from the suffering of those who create curses. maki killed the clan because they explicitly wanted to kill her, mai and even megumi, the new head by naobito's will. she was there to pick up cursed tools and they pushed her to violence after killing her sister. unserious comparison.

Yeah...I can see where they are coming from because Geto was also pushed to extremes and was defending Mimiko and Nanako from harm, but Maki and Mai were abused by the clan, their family, their whole life. They actively tried to kill them. The only one being shown as defenceless is Maki's mother, but she had made it very clear before that she wants to see her daughters dead (she didn't actually mean it, but it doesn't matter what she secretly felt when it doesn't show in her actions). She was no better than Ogi, except she wasn't the one holding the blade. I really can't blame Maki snapping after everything that happened, especially after Mai specifically asked her to burn it all down. Like yes, Ranta seemed like he was one of the nicer ones, but that doesn't change the fact that he was part of the squad responsible for the years of abuse the twins suffered. They already knew from Toji how badly this could backfire, but they still went ahead with not treating Maki any better because she's a woman and Toji didn't retaliate against the Clan, so I guess it couldn't have been that bad... You can argue over who deserved death more than others, but that was hardly a situation for rational thought. It is very unfair to expect Maki to be the bigger person and just walk away from being nearly killed and seeing Mai murdered by their own family.

I think a big difference to Geto is also that Maki didn't go on to indiscriminately murder outside the Zenin Clan. Geto killed his own parents after the village massacre, who as far as we know never did anything wrong except being born non-sorcerers. And he kept going like that for 10 more years. Maki didn't. Hell, she even learned to somewhat reconciliate with how her mother treated her and she doesn't go on a killing spree like that among regular sorcerers, much less civilians. There's a big difference.

Also, I don't get where so many people are taking from that she just shook off the massacre like it was no big deal. She had a whole arc dedicated to dealing with the aftermath and learning to accept her body, Mai and what has happened! Maybe if people didn't skip through the Culling Game arc they'd actually know this (not that I'm bitter or anything). Like, my problem is that we never get the kind of bonding we see between her and Noritoshi or even Daido with the people who are supposed to be her friends (Yuuta, Inumaki, Panda, Nobara etc.). She is clearly affected by what happened, but nobody even asks her how she's doing. The best we get is "Maki is scary now". I would've loved to get more insight into her current mentality along the lines of the Sakurajima colony, something on how she will move on from this, how she will live now without her family (except Megumi), but we got nothing. That's my issue, not what came before. I think Perfect Preparation and Sakurajima colony were great for her character. She isn't the most expressive, but you can still see how affected she is by everything and it is directly addressed how suppressing everything isn't good for her, but then we get nothing past that.

But yeah, apparently she's less redeemable to some than Geto. Because she's cold and people don't pay attention to the arcs that actually delve into her character.

[0prettygirl-jay0]

~•little stalker•~ pt2

dabi x reader

context: the stalker becomes the stalked.

warnings: smut, caught, oral sex, fingering, name calling, masturbating.

—————————————————————————-

~•dabi’s pov•~

I have to say, 'm not the kind of guy pretty girls stalk, I'm not the kind of guy that any girls stalk or even look at. So what's the deal with her? That's what I've been wonderin’ these past two months. She's so fucking pretty, that night when she took me down like some rag doll, I could've sworn I was in love, then and there. I haven’t felt this way ever…i just couldnt, way to possessive for that shit. Why her? No one should have her but me…i could treat her better then anyone else, kill for her, love her and only her, be there for her.. Fuck I need her. one thing i needa find out, is she a hero or what? there’s nothing about her anywhere..and her fighting skills were too suspicious for a eighteen year old.

name: y/n y/m/n y/l/n

parents: deceased

age: eighteen

address: musutafu city, japan. 275 kinto street, apartment 214, Shizuoka Prefecture.

quirk: blood manipulation

This is the eleventh time this week I've had to jack off to fuckin’ flashbacks, i needed more, need her. Fuck.. This is not okay, especially at the fucking base, i really need to get my own apartment. that way i can have her all to myself. her black leather that clung tight to her body that night, her hips, her thighs…fuck, her face. The office chair i sat on was squeaky, every time i would thrust my hips up, it would sound. It didn't matter at this point, looking down towards my hips, my hands glided over the glistening purple, tip.

——-—————-three hours later————————

now why the fuck would she be at a hero event? there stood the most wanted villain across from a met gala, a building that was surrounded by heros and filled with heros. dabi had been smart enough to place a small chip in a cut toga had made on her body while she was distracted fighting them both.

—————————————————————————

~•reader’s pov•~

i couldn’t handle being that close to him, all i wanted to do was take him right then and there, infront of toga, infront of everyone. taking the cart out my mouth while looking at my smokey eye makeup and fixing my hair in the mirror..he’s a villain, he kills innocent people, maybe im in way over my head..i mean a villain liking me? be so for real, exhaling the smoke from my lungs and out my mouth, i went to fix the bottom of the red, silk dress i wore. my father is a hero, and here i am obsessing over a murderer who doesn’t even feel the same way over me…he couldn’t, right?

“Whatchu doing here dressed like that?” the calm, hoarse voice says as he watched the smoke exit my mouth. in the reflection of the mirror, i could see, it was dabi. shit, how the fuck did he find me.

“dabi..how’d ya’ find me? y’know at a hero event they dont really like your kind here..” i laughed a bit as i turned around to look at dabi, black on black with a gold chain looked really good on him.

“Real question, is what the fuck are you doing here, princess? You a hero?” walking up closer to me, dabi took it upon himself to take my cart and hit it himself, putting it to his pink lips and inhaling, he kept eye contact with me. giving me back my cart, dabi put his hands on my hips to admire the red dress i wore, blue eyes looking me up and down, slowly one of the hands on my hips moved up towards the back of my neck where he held my body firmly. Exhaling the smoke out his nose, the smell of marijuana filled my nose.

“answer me princess, cause i dont fuck wit heroes.” his gruff voice spoke in my left ear and the feeling of now both of his hands grabbing handfuls of my ass to pick me up and put me on the counter, a gasp left my lips as i was so easily picked up and placed on the counter. the only thing i could do was sit and admire the man that stood in front of me, this is all i’ve ever wanted. he wants me the same way i want him.

“my dad is..im just here with him.” now with what i said just now, caused dabi to raise his brow and smirk at me, his eyes glancing at my lips and back to my eyes.

“i love the way you feel, the way you smell, the way your eyes are glassed over and i haven’t even touched you yet, the way you just let go and melt in my hands.” he said this softly with a scoff and a slight chuckle, his big rough hand moved its way up my body and to my face, grabbing my chin to look up into his dark, blue eyes, looking down at me with a smirk, he tilts his head to the side and leans down but doesnt place his lips on my own, not just yet. his other hand kneaded the flesh of my hip, uncontrollably i leaned in to connect our lips.

“dont lean into me like that..im not gonna kiss you.” dabi chuckled a bit again before he continued speaking. “i’ll kiss whats mine, i’ll fuck what’s mine, i’ll satisfy what’s mine…are you mine, little mouse?” his voice spoke again and chills ran down my spine with excitement.

“i want to be..” i said as soft as can be while looking in the man’s eyes.

“…you want to be, is that so? ima be honest with you princess, all i want to do is rip that little red dress and bend you over this bathroom counter until all you do is say my name over and over again.” finally his lips sucked on my neck and his hands got to work, kneading my hip as he grabbed the back of my neck to hold me straight. looking at his finished product with a smirk, his hand bunched up my red dress above my hips. looking at my soaked red lacy underwear, one of his big hands grabbed my thigh to put around his waist and the other moved the red lace to the side.

“such a pretty girl, arent you?” his fingers admired the swollen bud and dipped down lower to the wet folds and then to the tight hole where i desperately needed something to fill. whimpers flooded out of my mouth, throwing my head back to lay on the mirror behind me i covered my mouth with my hand.

“Sweetie, you okay in there?” knocking was heard on the bathroom door as i heard my dad’s voice on the outside, he sounded worried..fuck dad, wrong time to be cockblocking. i lifted my head off the mirror to see dabi’s cocky face looking back at my disheveled one that tried to keep quiet with my hand still around my mouth.

“my dad..dabi.” my hand moved from my mouth as i got both to try an push away the man that had his hand between my thighs.

“your dad’s..aizawa? well shit, guess i wont be killing him on my camping trip next week.” dabi spoke casually and quietly as if his one finger wasn’t inside of me trying to loosen me up.

“fuck- yes dad, im fine. just y’know girl problems…” my head fell onto dabi’s shoulder trying to muffle my moans. hearing footsteps walk away with a muffled oh, i looked at dabi in anger but pure bliss as he entered another finger inside of me.

“so god damn tight, y’know that? but you’ll take me right? all of me, like my good fucking girl.”

“you are so fu-…cking annoying, y’know that.” dabi smirked at me as his free hand put a stray hair behind my ear. taking his two fingers out of me dabi flips me over to lay me on my stomach as his leg moved the both of mine apart. now the only thing i could do was look at his dark eyes through the mirror infront of me. the sounds of a belt unbuckling was what got me out of my dazed state, i wiggled my hips in anticipation with a whimper. slapping his dick on my bare pussy dragged a moan out of my mouth.

“oh, fuck your tight.” finally pushing the tip into me, you could hear my wetness squelching, bottoming out, dabi stilled for a second while biting his bottom lip and his eyes halfway closed. this view in the mirror was the best one yet, at this point dabi was shirtless, his purple scars added onto his tan skin, he had abs and big shoulders.

“shit, only half way, princess, were almost there. you wanna stalk me, you wanna be mine? then take it.” lifting one of my legs on the bathroom counter, dabi grabbed both of my arms to put behind my back while pushing all the way in.

“this is what it means to be mine, little mouse, to be my doll.” he said in a gruff breathless voice as he bent down to whisper in my ear, his abs almost pressing against my back with his hips slapping against my ass. the sound took over the room along with dabi’s whimpers and groans, one of his hands held both of mine hands behind my back and the other covering my mouth.

“this pussy is all fucking mine, doll, and no one is ever taking it away from me. dont fucking close your eyes, look at me y/n.” snapping back into reality after hearing his voice whispering in my ear i open my eyes to look at dabi in the mirror, my teeth bit my bottom lip as dabi sped up his pace, i couldnt help but want to close my eyes and focus on his voice and the feeling.

“im gonna let go of your hands and your gonna fucking play with that pretty little clit of yours for me, got it, doll?” i nodded my head vigorously as i felt the relief of my hands being released. both of his hands roughly grabbed my hips, probably leaving bruises in the morning.

“now ‘m gonna make you cum, and your gonna say thank you. understand?” nodding wasnt enough for dabi, he needed to hear it.

“words, mouse. use them.” his thrusing became so rough you could hear the sink slamming against the wall.

“yes, dabi. thank you!” my hand between my thighs circling my clit and the other covering my mouth, dabi’s voice in my ear and his thick cock slamming into me. it was all becoming too much before that knot in me snapped.

“i dont care if youre too sens-..stive keep rubbing that clit for me princess...” a loud moan erupted from me as stars filled my vison, eyes rolling to the back of my head and my toes curling.

“fuck, yes! keep milkin’ me like that, mouse. please, fuck! say your mine!” coming back to my senses, while shaking and whimpering, i rub on my clit.

“all yours, touya, thank you…~” thats what makes him snap, a loud groan was heard and i looked in the mirror to see dabi’s head tilted back and a hand covering his mouth, the other hand that held a bruising grip on my hip ignited in a blue flame but only for a second as dabi came to realize what he did.

“fuck! dabi?!” my face was still fucked out as i gripped the sides of the counter in pain. orgasm tears slipped down my face and i looked at dabi through the mirror.

“shit! mouse, im so sorry.” he looked down at the flesh wound on my hip with his dick still inside me.

“mouse..what did you call me, just now!?” dabi said with his blue eyes glaring into mine, there was no malice, or anger and i knew exactly what he was talking about, but i wasnt gonna spoil our fun on how i got my information.

“what else would i call you? daddy of course.” with a joking wink and a smirk i would only pray and hope dabi would drop it. slipping out of me, dabi helped me get dressed while watching out for the new wound.

“leave your window open..were not done yet.” was the last thing i heard from touya’s mouth as i watched him leave through the bathroom balcony.

[igotanidea]

chapter 1 : Another privateer: Nikolai Lantsov x fem!reader

A/N: I'm having so much fun writing this. So much that chapter 2 may be coming faster than expected 😊 😊 😊

CHAPTER 1 : ORIGINS

Y/N Y/L/N was a Grisha. An Inferni, to be precise. Raised in the small palace but never adjusting properly to the royal life. She was not like Zoya, proud, confident and more queen-like than an actual queen. She was not like Genya, careful, gentle and quiet (even if that came with a bit of cunning). Or like Nadya with all her positive attitude and calmness.

No.

Y/N was someone you would call a trouble maker.

More often than not her kefta was disheveled, torn or dirtied, her hair messy, her face reddened, eyes glistening. She was the kid who was running through the palace corridors, fooling around, teasing and playing pranks on everyone else. Not listening to her Inferni teachers, skipping classes and causing havoc. All those rules and limitations that she was so swiftly finagling were boring and confining and she could not deal with them. She did not want to deal with them. She did not want to relent.

However, such vivid expression of emotions and god, forbid – fun -was unacceptable.

Especially from a kid.

Especially from an Inferni, who dealt with the most dangerous and unpredictable element.

And especially from a legacy as her father used to call her, even if the sound of the word made her sick to the stomach. Much to her resentment Y/N came from a long line of merited, noble house and what was expected of her had little to do with joy. Her father was the personal advisor of the king so her family was always close to the royals and that meant attending banquets, balls, playing the role of someone she was not. And someone who she did not wish to be. A lady.

She had obligations, duties and strict agenda and it was weighting her down.

“Sit still!” her mother scoffed her during another preparation for another royal dinner. “You have to act like a girl and look like one, not a tatterdemalion.”

She never complied with any rules.

One day, when it all became too much, she used her skills to set the curtains in one of the classes on fire and run away from, as far as possible. And that’s how she found herself in the presence of second son, prince Nikolai Lantsov. Of course she knew who he was when full of anger, with fierce face expression run into the forest surrounding the palace, ready to burn it to the ground. Of course she remembered that a prince should be treated with respect. She clearly recollected all the bow in his presence, act coy and cautiously, be gentle….. Saints! Even the memory made her roll her eyes and she could not care less. As for the prince he took one glance at her messy figure and literal fire in her eyes made him gasp in awe on the inside and smirk characteristically on the outside. He remembered that girl.

“Hard day?”

“You have no idea.” She muttered flopping onto the ground with a heavy groan.

“I actually think I do. You know, I am the prince after all.” Silent emphasis on the title did not slip by her.

“Oh I’m sorry, moi tsarevich.” She immediately jumped to her feet and bowed in the funniest way he had ever seen, almost tripping over her own feet “forgive me for my audacity. Will you grant me the honor of resting on the ground in your presence?”

“You’re something different, aren’t you?” he looked at her carefully with sparks in his eyes “not like the other Grishas here?”

“Whatever that may mean, I guess not.” She shrugged “Whatever, but my parents would probably disinherit me if they knew how I’m addressing the prince at the moment.”

“Good thing the prince appreciates your honest attitude.” He laughed whole-heartedly and all the tension in her shoulders disappeared just because of that sound. Apparently he was something else than what was presented to people as well.

“Does he?” she raised an eyebrow “I thought him to be the one greedy for blarney and cocky.”

“Can you blame me? I mean look at that handsome face.” Nikolai grinned and that earned him a chuckle from her “Someone’s feeling better, I see. I know, I know, my sense of humor is impeccable.”

“Cocky it is” she nodded to herself.

 “True, I don’t mind a good praise. But I’m bored with pretenses and restrictions. I can’t really do much of what I want in the palace and that is just…..”

“Infuriating?”  

���Yeah…..” He glanced at her once again but this time it was like he really saw her “I’m Nikolai. Not a prince, not a tsarevich, not a royal.”

“Bet you say that to all the girls you flirt.” Y/N spat, but deep inside started to wonder if he really was on a fist name basis with every girl Grisha in the palace. Given his direct approach to the matter that truly was something to wonder about. And it made her feel ….. weird. Saints! She barely met him and he managed to spark something with all the attention focused on her. Probably the first person she met who did not considered her a menace.

“Careful there.” he warned playfully “You got yourself in good terms with me and if you want to keep being yourself you’re gonna need someone to look after you. Guess that’s gonna be me.”

“Look after? Really? I’m not some stray cat who needs protecting. Besides, I’ve been doing fine till now.”

“How about the turn fine into amazing?” he smiled and she could not help reciprocating. “come on, look me in the face and tell me that does not sound promising.”

“I’m Y/N.” she laughed unable to do what he asked but not wishing to say it straight away “Want to make some mess?”

***

From that day they became friends, but kept it in secret, stealing all the little moments together. No one knew. For three years. And it all came out because of Zoya and her scheming.

***

There were probably better ways of meeting than sneaking out in the middle of night to that one spot in the forest, but both Y/N and Nikolai had some flair for dramatics. He was a prince trained in sword fights and combat and she was an Inferni, what was the worst thing that could have happened , right? Besides, the palace and adjoining grounds were a safe place, right?

“Nik! You came!” Y/n emerged from behind the trees immediately spotting her best buddy, already there, waiting for her. Honestly, she felt relieved when he showed up first. Nikolai has been acting strange for the last couple of weeks, avoiding her, defending himself with all the duties. Well, as if she didn’t have things to do! Between being Grisha and training and her obligations towards father and the crown, she really had to cut down on sleep and rest to tear time for him. But it was important. Maybe it was more important for her than for him. And all that’s been happening got her mind spinning and well, worrying.  

“Missed me that much?” he smirked observing her coming closer, her coat disheveled, hair messed, as usual since some things never changed, even after years.  

“Pf! You wish.”

“And what if I do?” that mocking expression disappeared from his face, replaced by seriousness and care.

“I bet you say that to all the girls…..” she laughed, trying her best to defuse the tension. Even though the Inferni were the Grishas who could not start a fire out of nothing, at that moment she swore she could make a flame from all the feelings inside.  

“No. No I don’t” he took her hand in his, caressing it gently and intertwining their fingers. Her small hand aligning so well with his.  

“What are you doing?” as much as she wanted to turn around and run away that simple gesture as holding hands got her absolutely frozen in place. Rooted to the ground.

“Dazzling you with my charm?” his other hand travelled up to cup her cheek.

“It doesn’t work on me.” She opposed, eyes widening in shock, breath hitched in anticipation of what was coming.

“Too bad.” he leaned forward, but before their lips met pulled away leaving her absolutely confused.

She frowned but the teasing smirk on his face told her everything she had to know.

“Told you” Y/N shrugged “it’s not working. Bet you know it as well since you backed down on your own.”

“I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.” He spat back.

“Mhm. Sure. Whatever game you were playing here, tsarevich, you lost. Bet you don’t like that, do you?”

“How was your day, fireball? „he let go of her completely, sitting on the tree trunk and patting the spot next to him invitingly “Managed to fry any dummy of an opponent?”

“Many. But you know, the night is still young, I got a chance to add another one to the list.”

“Got your mind on anyone in particular?”

“Maybe. Not that it’s of your concern. How was your day, prince?” she was trying, but could not hide that annoyed tone and he knew well enough that if it came to calling him with official titles it was serious. Good. At least now he knew what feeling she was hiding inside. Not that he was going to take it easy on her. “did you managed to charm anyone? Your brother, perhaps?”

“Don’t even get me started on that…..”

***      

Ever since that almost-kiss in the forest something has changed between them and it was hard to determine whether it was a good or a bad shift. There was a lot more teasing than usual and that giving the fact, Nikolai were a natural at that. But now, when he saw her in the palace or in the ground or in the library he was always approaching her, commenting on her fighting skills and technique, even in the presence of other Grishas. On top of being known as the most unruly person in the Little Palace, now the rumors considering her relationship with prince has started. Oh, Nikolai just loved to make her life harder than it had to be and she had enough, ready to confront him and tell him off.

Right at the moment.

But when she ditched her Inferni practice (again) and was on her way to the royal wing of the palace, unexpected appearance of her father put her off the stride.

“Y/N” he smiled in a predatory manner, putting arm on her shoulders and walking her away from destination “I’ve got good news. Our family has been invited to the banquet. You included.”

“What? No. No way. I’m not….”

“You are going, I won’t hear a word about it. And you will behave.”

“but….” She squirmed. The grip on her was hard and hurt to the point when some tears showed in her eyes. And of course that was the moment Nikolai chose to show up. Just one glance at her face was enough for him to take action, she did not wish for.

“Lord f/l/n.” he spoke in the most royal tone he could.

“moi tsarevich.”

“Y/N” Nik turned his gaze on her, but she did not say and only another press on the shoulders made her mutter some sort of greeting “I think there’s no need to keep your daughter a prisoner, lord f/l/n. Whatever she may have done we have other sort of punishments in the palace.”

“Of course.” with such words she was able to breathe normally again “this one’s a challenge. Refused ‘to attend the …..”

“I know. “Nik smirked “but I really hope to see you tonight, Y/n”

“Tonight?! What do you mean tonight!?” she cried out “I need like a week of mental preparations for that!”

“No, you don’t” both men said in unison, each with different tone.

Yes, she was forced to attend.

to be continued

tags are open.

@pinksirensong - you're probably gonna kill me when you get back and see all the things I tagged you in ... ...

[the-friendly-entity]

Hello there. Can you do an imagine where the MK1 characters finding out that the reader has an abusive family and how will they react to it when they find out?

[ ~"No Your Home"~ ] - Mortal Kombat 1

Congrats on being the first user to send a question! I am so sorry for the late response on this, somehow tumblr did not notify me of this until I checked out my activity, it is a really interesting prompt/idea! hope I did it as you like <3 and if you really suffer from this, I'm so sorry for hear that :( i hope you can seek for help to get out from that dangerous relationship and be in a better place safe

What contains? Abuse Topic, Sensitive Content, Mention of Gore/Death

How is visualized as? Cople Relation Ship, Family Relation Ship, Friend Relation Ship

Raiden

-He already had some suspicious, mostly at first when he wanted to wave or put his arm up to do a high fight and you reacted so scared and tried to cover yourself with your arms, something surely dint expect Raiden you do, at first he thought it was a just a misunderstanding for the first time, but when he see this sometimes repeat he have douts

-No Only that, but you using a clothes that cover most of your body also makes him suspicious, he does not judge anyone clothes style, but he cant stop feeling something was odd about it

-He always wanted to address this but he dont know how to, until one time he found you hided crying alone, he slowly get close to you and ask you whats wrong, he surely will be ok if dint want to address this or dont feel comfortable to talk what ever is bother you, but once you told him about the abuse you suffer from you parents he get mostly froze

-He can't believe you have such abused parents, not in a literal way, you are just a good person why do you deserve to be treated like that? and mostly by you own parents, he surely will talk to you all you about it and try to find a way to fix this, he will try to talk you parent try to make a deal in the most pacifist as possible, but if you parents are really aggressive and stubborn, he will use his Earthrelm champion title for this situation, or most tense parts, use his thunder powers to scared them and show dominance that way they let you free

-His house is welcome if you dont have a place to go to live with momentary, he even dont mind if you want to live in his house permaly as long you safe is what makes him feel relief, at the moment the first Raiden will do is take you to a doctor to check all you injures you parents did to you, make sure you get fully healed

Kung Lao

-Surprisely he surely will figure out more faster a difference from Raiden, he saw your odd reactions but he thought you were just that shy or he that scarry? I mean he a very buff guy~ (in his imagination)

-Surely he will figure out in one of his jokes, tickles you or carry you up for the fun, seeing your injuries and purple marks from the clothes as been lifted up a little from the playful moment, making the joke be fully over

-He will straight up asking what happened and who did this two you?, you try to hide your injures and stay away from him, just saying is nothing but of course is not, Kung Lao will insist a lot until saying the truth, he will not leave your safe until he knows why you are hurt

-Finally, you reveal about your abused parents, ooh Kung Lao is pissed, so badly, who dare to hurt you like that!? he dont care are your parents, they need to be teaching a lesson to not hurt their own children like that, he will just straight go to your parents house and start a discussion about it, if things gets intense fight will be make (dont worry he will not muder you parents but he wish)

-After that, he will make sure you will be safe, taking you to a doctor to check the injuries, and invite you to his home so you have a place to live, if your parents dare to try to take you back he will keep sure they will not try to archive that, keep you safe is his priority

Smoke - Tomas

-I think he will be the same fast to know it as kung lao, after all, he live an abuse experience with Bi-Han so he knows the feeling, seeing you trying to cover yourself with your arms, he has a worried look, straight asking "who is hurting you?...."

-Even if try to hide as much as possible, Smoke will be keeping close to you, he wants to figure out who is hurting you, he wants to help you, there is no need for to you hided this, he wants to help...

-He will always send hints about it, hints of you have someone there to help you, trying to earn your trust and trying to free you from this prison of fear you parents as made you, making you think you have no one to help you, thanks of all this hints and support from Tomas, you finally say about you Abuse Parents

-He was not even mad, or sad, he disappointed, disappointed from your parents for do this to you, he will comfort you and make sure to you feel safe, he as raiden will try to negotiate with you parents peacefully, if things dont work out, he will not just let leave you in that bad home, he will take with you to be safe not matter how much your parents yell or try to take you, he will protect you, after all, you parents dont know who is dealing with

Kenshi Takahashi

-Well, he not a hand person so he would never have seen this odd reaction from you, even so, Sento already told him something was not ok with you, which made him be in alarm

-I think the way Kenshi will figure out about your abusive parents on his own is you two are cuddling surely you already sleeping due to how safe you feel in his arms, in an accidental touch, he feels one of you injured, confused and in worried he carefully touch your body, making as possible not uncomfortable you or not broke you personal space, after all, was your body and he was not having permission to touch it, but as he found more and more injures, he get more worried, and more when he feel a lot of them are very recent

-After that, he will ask you about it, about this injury and what or who is causing it, you try to not say it and keep it as "its not big deal", but Kenshi will make you feel safe to make you talk about if, after all he can't leave you after he found you poor body badly hurt

-After you talk about your abusive parents, he is angry but not the same angry as Kung Lao, but definitely angry, he will try to your parents in a passive-aggressively way, and if they dont want to cooperate, Kenshi just straight you take out his katana and point it at your parents, to make them know who are dealing with, after that, he will take you to a doctor to check you injures, if you need a house to live, he will ask Jhonny for make you a house where you can be safe and far away from your parents (he dont think you are safe if you live with him, due all the yakuza situation and all the stuff he have to live as part of the Eearthrelm protectors) with all the things you need, even ask Jhonny for have you a job where you can get money, but dont worry, he always will have a day he will check on ya

Reiko

-He already saw the odd reaction, and he just felt proud having no idea why you acting that way, he thinks is because he strong looking and you feel dominated by his appearance, is because you acting such way, he may have abuse of this a little, just to get proud feeling

-Maybe the way he figure out this if you have a breakdown, posebly he was training and you dint know entering straight into the mouth of the wolf he almost hit you, you lucky you was slowly entering the room to avoid the hit, and that triggers you a lot making you fall from the floor crying, he will at first chuckles about this and telling you "come on, dont be dramatic i dint even hit you by luck" but seeing you not respond is what concern him

-He will try as best to comfort you, he will carry you carefully and take you to a room where you are comfortable and safe, waiting for you to stop crying and calm you down, once you finally calm, Reiko ask for explanations about you behavior early, and you know there not excuse or way out from this, so you told him about you abuse parents

-He at firts wil be silent, but you can see his expression got serious, he straight ask you where they live, and once you father open the door he will get pass out from Reiko punch in the face and bleeding from the nose, you mother not even have time to react what happen, but lucky for her, it was they warning, because Reiko will not have mercy next time if they try to do something to you, he will take you to his home so you be safe, and take you to doctors to cure you injures, and mostly he apologies about taking chance of you trauma for fill his ego, after what all that after, he mostly more sweet with you and mostly protective

Rain

-Again, he is not a very hand person, but surely he will notice you odd behavior when he moves his staff, making you react and cover your body with you arms, he mostly ask you ok, he mostly thinks he was too close to you and almost could hurt you, but when this happens a couple of times now he have suspicious

-He will ask trick questions, making sure to get all the information he wants to know about it, to know what is causing you react that way if something happens to you to always be alert of everything, everytime he asks the question about "is someone in particular doing something at you" you get oddly quiet, his suspicious just increase

-Finally he just straigt foward about it, just asking "who is hurting you", as long you try to denied you not free from Rain until you tell the true, once you tell about you abuse parents he angry about it, you parents? that is fall so low, he will to you parents home and try to negotiate to them, and if they dont agreed, well, Rain will just drown them a little, dont worry he will not kill them even if he wish but he will just show them a little of who are dealing with, just egnoft before remove the water from they heads so they can breath

-Now safe in Rain's hands, he is your doctor! he knows how to cure your injuries and even make them they not even exist to the first place, after all, he feels angry and sad seeing your body being hurt that way, you will live in his home where you can safe from you parents

Baraka

-He already smells your blood, the smell does recent injuries you have have that have a little of your blood, maybe still bleeding a little, knowing are from you he will straightforward ask you if you ok, and he will know you are lying, his intimate appearance its not make you so much option to say about your abuse parents

-Oh he dont like that, he was a parent before the tarkat take over him so hearing about his burn his blood, he will ask you about where you parents live and not for talk, he will straight murder them, not letting anything behind, he will not let you see this tho so you will never know about the murder of you parents

-He will take you to a doctor to cure your injures and ask Syzoth help if can find you a home where you live and be safe, he wish he can be near you to keep you safe from anyone, but yea...the tarkat

-but something sure, he will be a family to you, the family you never have and the family you need it, always checking on you and telling you praises you parents never told you, he will make you have what you never had and is very aware you need that

Shang Tsung

-To be honest, he was just confused of your odd reactions but did not really think about it, i think the most way he surely find about your abused parents is when he caught you trying to heal your own injuries alone

-After hearing his voice catching you off guard his words "Why you are alone there" Having already a smug expression due to your reaction, he mostly not even ask why you have those injures and straight fogar wanted to know about them by himself, slowly surprised of how much you have, you almost a broken doll

-you have his curiousity and he ask what happen to you, his voice have nothing of pity, even if you dont want to tell him, you know you are not safe from Shang Tsung's grip and you told him about your abuse parents

-He at first will be not care and just leave you alone, but as the day passes he feels....jealous? angry? He does not even know how to figure out this feeling, he just feels "the only one who allowed to hurt you is me" thing, he not even will ask where you parents live, he will follow you from the distance and arrive at your parents home, once he knows where you parents leave, he takes they souls and problems solve~

-Knowing you eventually find they corpse you will tell Shang Tsung about it for not say almost interrogate him about it, he will act like he dont know about it with that fruity and smug expression, at least you can live in your home peacefully, but if you not feel comfortable in that house, Shang Tsung is more that happy you live with him, about you injures, I dont know, mostly you can ask about it for help you, but he will do it? you can trust him? only Shang Tsung knows that answer

Syzoth

-Again no hand person but he can smell your blood from your injures, knowing it from you he is worried, already telling you you are bleeding, making you nervous, he tries to make you be calm as possible and offer his help, he very supportive boy :(, so he find odd when you refuse his help

-Seeing the blood smell dint go away and he knew was recent each time, he found it odd, why you always bleeding? and acting like nothing is happening, he try to address this as best as possible, trying to not make you uncomfortable about the topic, he just worried about you

-Once he knows about you abusive parents, ooooh he angry, again he was a father before Shang Tsung take them, so he can accept you are suffering from you parents, he mostly will comfort you and make you feel safe, but mostly ask you to talk to them

-He will try to address it as peacefully as possible with you parents, but he will not be very patient with your parent's attitude and when his patience is over he straigth forward show his zaterran form, he dont care about what you parents think about him, he will show them do not mess with you

-After that, he invites you to live in his place, takes you to a doctor to cure your injuries and be the parent you never had, of course will be different due to Zaterran parents acting diferent from human parents, but he will try as possible to give you what you never have

Havik

-He thinks he scared you becuse of his odd powers or his scary appearance so he will not think about it, possibly the way he figure out about your abuse parents are one of does moments he talks (rants) about the abuse and suffer he feels his people and everyone have the right to live freely, all does talk make you feel motivate or more confident to talk about you abuse parents

-Once you finally tell him about it, oh you can see the HELL in his eyes, he can't believe you being abused by your own parents, someone so good and someone who can't even defend yourself, he will demand you were you parents live, and he will not talk, straight kill them

-You will shocked from so gore scene, telling Havik he didn't do that, but he with his blood hands try to comfort you, telling you is what they deserve for treating you that way, that was they punishment and now you was free from they hell

-Maybe you dont want to live with havik after that and he will respect your decision, even he feels a little sad to make you feel that way, he dont regret doing it for the good of you, and promise you will be safe under his protencion

Liu Kang

-he could noticed it, and surely could know you suffering from some sort of abuse, is was a normal reaction from someone who suffers it, he will not go straight forward making sure you say it when you feel comfortable, so he will have his hands behind!!

-He will be so sweet with you :(, making sure you have a good time knowing you passing from something horrible, is what you deserve, surely you cry sometimes when he was too sweet with you, is something you cant belive you know? it was a feeling you cant process after you get use to the abuse

-Finally thanks of Liu Kang's Actions you told him about your abuse parents, he so sad to hear this news, he thought it wil be a friend or a partner you have, but your own parents?, is heart breaking, and he promise to try to make something

-He wil not even try to look intimidating or dominant, he is a god yes but he will not use his rank for things like this, he will try to talk to you parents peacefully, and if things dont work out, well, this goes straight to judge, dont worry of course Liu Kang win it and you parents go to jail

-He will offer you multiple houses to live, and he is definitely ok if you want to live in his place, he will continue to be as sweet as he has been, trying to replace does bad experience you have, remove all that trauma and you be free from that abuse you have from you parents, and even you scared you parents come back dont worry, Liu Kang will make sure of they wont

Geras

-Yep, he knows, he already saw about your abusive parents, how they treated you and hurt you, it was something sad to see, he even saw other timelines where you parents actully love you, or straight they abandoned you or kill you...

-He dont know if he has the right to be in your life, after all are mortal decisions and he can't change those decisions, surely tell this to Liu Kang to seek of opinion about it, knowing you and Geras are close to each other he will allowed it as long you make the decision to tell him

-and there he is, being on your side, trying to show you beautiful things and make you forget about the bad experience with you parents, same as Liu Kang he will be so nice to you in his way, posebly knowing he the guardian of time surely you figure out he knows, not even telling him just asking if in a future you parents will love you or they did feel love

-Is sad to hear his answer but he wil make sure you dont have to see them anymore, no matter how hard your parents try to find you they will never be, you will be safe in your new home, and living the life you deserve it away of any danger or abuse

[violet-fluff]

💙 Levi x Reader

Letter from Santa

Yes, I know Levi’s birthday is on Christmas. But to keep this drabble short, I left that out.

Levi never understood why you would be so festive during Christmas. To him, it was just another holiday that would quickly lose spirit after the day is over. But to you, all of December is Christmas.

“What are you doing now?” Levi asks, as he leans against the wall to watch you work away in the mess hall kitchen.

Smoothing out your apron, you pipe frosting onto bare cookies. “I’m making treats for everyone tomorrow. Tomorrow is gingerbread day.”

Levi clicks his tongue with a roll of his eyes. “Gingerbread day? What kind of fucking day is that?”

“Now now, let’s not be a Scrooge.” You say as you try not to let his words get to you.

“I don’t see what the big deal of all this is. Just get someone a gift and get on with your day.”

You pause and turn to look at him, frosting slowly spilling out of your piping as you hold it up. “Are you here to help, or here to complain?”

Levi stares at you for a moment before walking out, causing you to shake your head.

—-

The next day, everyone gathers in the mess hall to eat the cookies you’ve made the night before.

Levi watches as you smile and mingle with the other cadets. “I don’t see the big deal with getting so festive just for a holiday.”

Hanji, your long time friend, swats his arm. “Leave her be and let her enjoy this. It makes up for her not being able to celebrate.”

“What do you mean by that?” He asks.

“Hmm, well Y/N didn’t grow up in the best home with the best parents. She was never able to do anything like this when she was a kid.” Hanji explains.

Levi grunts while sipping his tea. “I didn’t either, but you don’t see me prancing around with glitter and cookies.”

Hanji sighs. “People handle trauma in different ways, Levi. If this makes her happy, then leave her be.”

——

That same night is Christmas Eve, but you are done celebrating for the day as most of the scouts ventured out of base to be with their families.

There’s a knock on your door and you open it to greet Levi on the other side.

“Levi, come in. Did you need something before bed?” You ask with a yawn.

He shrugs. “Just making sure you aren’t out doing some weird Christmas voodoo shit before tomorrow.”

You can’t help but laugh. “No…I did that earlier.”

Levi looks around the room. “What? No letter to Santa?”

You hum in thought as you lazily sit on your bed. “No, I don’t write those anymore.”

“You used to? That’s cute.”

“When I was a kid, yes.” You say sternly but with a smile. “I would write to him every year. I wouldn’t ask for anything in specific, just if he had extra gifts to give if I could have one for being a good kid. I never got anything. The last time I did write to Santa, I did want something. It was a doll I saw in a shop window. It was the prettiest doll I had ever seen and it had a puffy blue dress with sparkles. When I handed the letter to my mom to send out to him, she told me that he would definitely get me the doll if he thought I was a good enough kid.”

Levi noticed you tried to hide your sad smile with a neutral one. “I didn’t get the doll. My mom said I wasn’t good enough that year…” You laugh to fill the awkwardness of the story you just threw onto him. “Anyway, I gave up after that! So no more letters to Santa. Unless you want to write one with me.”

“I’ll pass.” Levi says while feeling guilty.

—-

The next morning, you wake up and see fog out the window. Perfect Christmas weather.

You put on some warm clothes and open the door to head out but stop when you see a box on the ground. It’s a tiny box with a snowflake pattern and a letter pinned to the top addressed to you.

You open the letter to read it.

Dear Y/N,

I would like to personally tell you that you have made it on my nice list. As promised, I have brought you a gift. A token to represent someone with a real golden heart.

From the jolly man at the North Pole,

Santa

Your heart races as you finish reading the letter. You didn’t notice your face hurting from the giant smile going across your face.

With excitement, you open the box to reveal a golden necklace with a heart shaped locket.

A tear falls down your cheek as you gently touch the piece of jewelry.

“Thanks, Levi.”

[sasagehoes]

THE NECROMANCER

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐈𝐈 ;𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐬 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱;; The fruits of necromancy start taking roots inside of you, and your older sister's warnings didn't prepare you for the horrors that were to come.

masterlist | series masterlist

previous chapter ~ next chapter

CW; This series contains a LOT of sensitive topics. Just like the show, there will be individual warnings for each chapter, I'm not responsible for what you read.

graphic depictions of blood and gore/ canon typical violence / assault/ murder/lots of change in POV/ war/ assault and rape/ mentions of purity culture and virginity / arranged marriage/ typical game of thrones warnings.

3.6k words

READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

As soon as the boat arrived with her on board, everyone went crazy. It wasn't that big of a deal, I was planning on rejecting the proposal,

why would I marry a complete stranger?

I knew they would make me go receive her and her family, so I hid until they left, I knew my mother would reprimand me, but as much as I could avoid her, the better.

I came down from my hiding spot to see my older sister, Sansa, standing there with her arms over her chest. I was clearly mad, I tried to run, but she caught up to me

"Don't you know just how in trouble you are right now," she said, pulling my ear slightly to not injure me, but enough that it would hurt

"Let me go!" I said."Stop whining! mom's gonna give you an earful"

As we entered the mess hall, i could see my mother standing with a displeased face, looking directly at me

"Why do you not want to see her, Bran?"

My mother said, annoyed. I just ignored her and looked to the side

"Answer me, Brandon," she repeated herself, this time mad.

"Why would I marry someone I've never met!" I snapped, now standing up

"You think she chose to get married, chose to be sent away from her family to come into this one?" She replied hastily looking into my eyes.

I stopped, and I never thought about her situation, I knew my sisters would have the same fate. Yet I still couldn't stomach the thought of being with a complete stranger for the rest of my life.

"...no, I'm sorry," I said, embarrassed, looking at my mother

"When she gets here, treat her nicely, you don't have to like her immediately.. you'll have time to learn how to love and cherish her."

With that, she left, leaving me there pondering on how my life would be with a stranger.

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

The harsh cold wind was unfamiliar to me. My fingers felt like falling off. I couldn't imagine how it would feel once winter came.

The Lord of Winterfell, Eddard Stark, got off his horse and came up to us. He looked around, clearly expecting more people

"I thought Lord Caius would come to send you off, I guess I was mistaken," he said sincerely

at the mention of my father's name, my eyes went wide, coming out of my trance. My sister noticed and grabbed my hand firmly.

"My apologies, Lord Stark, some..commotion has started in our land, both our parents had to stay to re ensure the safety of our people."

He nodded, "No worries, I understand. You'll be taken care of here, until your leave." he said.

Robb, the oldest, helped to mount my stuff on the horses. I smiled at him, muttering a small 'thank you'

The man I've learned to address as Theon tried to start small talk once in the horses,

"Bravoos is a beautiful place from what my friends say," he started

"I suppose it does have its own flare,"

I say out of it, just mentions of Bravoos made my stomach churn.

not wanting to seem rude, i forced the conversation to continue

"Winterfell is even more beautiful than what I had imagined. You must feel proud of being born here, my Lord," I say, looking at him, his eyes drop for a second too long.

"I'd have to agree with you, my Lady, it is indeed a beautiful place, yet I'm not form here, I'm form the Iron Islands, a Greyjoy"

"Oh, well, it must've been hard getting used to the weather," I say, mustering up a dry chuckle. He nodded and was about to continue till Robb told him something, and he stayed by his side until we arrived.

It seemed my betrothed was nowhere to be seen.

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

Once you arrived at Castle Ward, you couldn't believe your eyes..it was beautiful, a sense of comfort and warmth that radiated from it.

All of the remaining family that didn't go out to receive you and your sister were all lined up, two girls, two boys, and a woman.

As all of you approached them, you heard whispers in the crowd

'She's to marry the little lord?'

'Isn't she a doll'

'so beautiful'

'Bravoosi ey?'

you payed them no mind as you plastered a small smile on your lips and bowed to the family, waiting to be risen you looked up briefly, and the boy, who seemed your age was already looking at you, as soon as the two of your eyes met, they disconnected.

So that was to be your husband, your salvation.

"Rise child," Lady Catelyn said sweetly, and so you did. Looking at her in the eye, you smiled. "Pleasure to finally meet you, my Lady." you say.

"Likewise, you are more beautiful than what the books described... So glad you could make it safely,"

"This is Sansa and Arya, my only daughters, and I've seen you've met Robb, my first born already, we'll this is Rickon, the youngest and Bran, you're betrothed" she continued, pointing at each one of the children as she named them.

"Pleasure to meet you all, I hope we can get along." Your eyes met Bran's as you finished. He avoided them as soon as he saw you.

"I can't wait for us to be sisters," Sansa exclaimed in her place as she went up to you to pull your hand. "Would you like to see your room?" she asked hands, holding yours. You nodded, and she took off running with you in tow.

"Careful not to fall!" Catelyn yelled at the both of you.

Ophelia looked at Brandon and walked up to him.

"I trust you'll take care of her, My Lord?"

she said to him, a trail of worries behind her words.

"I promise, she won't be sad as long as she's with me" Brandon replied, with a smile looking up at her, she nodded and bowed slightly l, mouthing a small 'thank you'

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

The food was wonderful, the smell of wine was everywhere in the dining room, and people danced and sang, up until Lord Stark stood up and held his cup of wine and hit it with his spoon

"Today, we celebrate the soon to be union between House Stark and House Corvus!" he said loudly, everyone followed suit, cheering and clapping rather obnoxiously.

Your face was dull and expressionless, staring off into the abyss that were the walls. You couldn't escape it.

You heard her everywhere, like a taunting reminder that you got a better chance that she could've ever gotten, you hated yourself, even if it wasn't your fault.

a hand on your shoulder helped you out of the trance, Arya. If you remember,

"Want to spar outside? If you don't know.. I can teach you!"

You smiled genuinely for what felt like the first time in weeks and nodded, running off with Arya outside.

..

"Grab one!" she said to me, throwing me a wooden sword that was left on the floor. I caught it after it almost escaped my hold, Arya giggled, "Just you wait," I told her jokingly, making her get into a stance, a bad one, and so did I.

We sparred for almost an hour when their Septa walked out of the mess hall and froze in her steps

"Arya Stark!" she yelled in disbelief

"Oh no.." Arya sighed

"What do you think you're doing, young lady?" the septa said as she dragged Arya by the arm

"Im not a lady," Arya bickered

"Your father is a lord, making you. a lady, now get inside!" the old woman said, annoyed, clearly having dealt with this more times that she could count. Once Arya made it inside, and after she flashed you a smile, the septa came up to me

"My Lady, please don't humor her, I hope i won't have to deal with the both of you from now on," she voiced out as nicely as she could

"I promise i won't become a problem." My eyes squinted as I smiled at her.

Pleased with my answer, she bowed slighly and left.

'maybe this wouldn't be so bad' I thought as I gazed at my surroundings, the tall grey walls of the castle were mesmerizing, although the castle back home was more lively and more colourful, on the inside it was dull and bleak, now even more so, with everything currently going on.

"Lost on your thoughts again, little lady?" a man whom i've never met said to me almost invading my personal space."Please don't call me that sir, " I say, trying to sound as polite as possible.

He got closer. "Your father sent me," he said, and my eyes went wide, I opened my mouth to scream, but he covered it "Scream and you'll end up like Leiana, understood?" He asked, I nodded as tears escaped my eyes,

"Your brother ever told you what I did to the little whore?" He continued now moving to the stables, I couldn't breathe, "Answer me!" he screamed.

"NO, no he didn't please let me go, I won't say anything!" My words were rushed, I didn't want to end up like that, broken and destroyed.

He threw me down on the hay that adorned the floor of the empty stable, my cries were drowned by the music that played in the mess hall and the cheers.

"Oh, I'll let you go, just after im done with you," he said, standing up, undoing his belt.

As I tried to scream once more, trying to get anyone to listen to my cries, a sword pushed through the back of the man, blood falling on my skin.. I froze.

"Are you alright?! Did he touch you?!" The man with dark shoulder-length hair said, picking me up, the sword now thrown on the floor.

I hugged him tightly "Thankyou, thank you!" I sobbed trembling.

"What happened?!" I heard Ophelia yell from the doors of the mess hall, once she saw my sobbing figure and the man dead on the floor, she ran to me.

"Please tell me he didn't touch you," She said now on her knees in front of me, holding my face. Her voice was shaking, I shaked my head.

"He asked if Amadeus had told me what he did to Leiana." I tell her as much as my hiccups would let me. Her eyes went dark for a moment.

"Those bastards!" She yelled

The music had stopped, and people were coming outside, Lord Stark came out worried, and once he saw the scene, he hurried to ask what had taken place.

Once everyone calmed down and explained what had happened, I saw Brandon looking at me with worried eyes from afar. He came up to me and offered his coat and left, not knowing what to say. After that, everything was a blurry mess.

When I woke up, a sleeping Ophelia was at my side sitting on a chair. Feeling a shift in the bed, she woke up. "Are you alright, my dear?" She asked me worried, I nodded

"I'm leaving today sister..I can't delay my trip to house Reed" she spoke, my eyes went wide

"What if another one comes after me or worse you!" I exclaim

"I'll be protected by some guards, and so will you, Lord Stark was very understanding"

I sat up abruptly "You told him?!"

"No! Not the whole truth.. I have to be careful"

I relaxed, it wasn't safe for anyone to know as of now, anyone could betray us. Anyone.

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

You hugged your sister tightly as she bid farewell to everyone, not knowing if this would be the last time you two would see each other

"We'll meet again" she said caressing your hair

"Once snow comes"

"Blood shall fall"

This would be the last time you heard of Ophelia..alive.

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

The days went on rather banal, nothing new, taking sewing and embroidery lessons with Sansa and sneaking off to play with Arya in the courtyard once you got bored.

Everytime you went to talk to Brandon he was dry and cold, sometimes just flat out ignoring you.

you couldn't care less, most royal marriages were only for one thing - unions.

or that's what you told yourself.

One particular day, you noticed you were feeling rather drained, not having done many physical activities you felt worried,

Apparently someone noticed and left you a snack with a note that said 'rest, you look tired', with an apple next to it.

You asked around thinking it was either of the sisters but none knew what you were talking about so you just left it at that.

At around noon, you where playing with Arya on top of some tables, pretending to be knights, when a puncturing pain burst in your lower abdomen making you almost fall off. Arya, worried, dropped her stick and went to you thinking she had hurt you

"Are you okay??" she said panicking "Yes I'm alright just an old bruise I suppose"

you knew it wasn't a bruise, you knew what this pain entailed. You were petrified. this was only the begging.

your sister, Leiana, had explained what happened go the woman in the family once their first blood takes fruition, it's not only blood and pain, it the nightmares of death that plague you, and the smell of blood everywhere. it was too early you thought..way too early.

One morning you woke with the pain gone but a slick feeling in your thighs, you uncovered yourself and saw the crimson red stain that now adorned the bed sheets.

Although you wanted to think you were saved, Leiana also had gotten it, yet that didn't stop them. Nothing stops them

"You know what this entails right my dear" Lady Stark asked you, as you told her what was happening. you nodded slightly, she smiled.

"Don't worry, I know other houses make the girls marry as soon as there first blood occurs, but not here, neither of you are ready so don't fret, your still a child, I couldn't do that to you" she said empathicly. you just nodded and thanked her, and as she left you could only smell blood, it irked you, you felt disgusting.

Sansa was next to you at dinner talking about how wonderfull this was, you could have children now, give birth to little lords and ladies, which made Brandon's cheeks dust a light pink. You giggled, but there was a part of you that felt a nauseating feeling at the pit of your stomach.

If you had a girl would she deal with the same thing your sister did? Would she be chased down the streets and tainted by the men who swore to protect her?

No. you'd make sure she'll never go through that horrible, thing you'll make sure. Even if it's the last thing you do.

The following day you could barely walk, the pain was getting worse and Maester Luwin said ot was normal. saying it was because you had gotten it sooner than it should.

If only.

As you were walking with Sansa trying to withstand the cramping pain, talking about how you two would want both your futures to play out, the pain got worse, in an instant it felt like soemone took a blow to your lower stomach, making you bend over and groaning in pain. Sansa noticed and went to your aid, but before you could say anything everything went black.

𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑

You opened your eyes and the bright light blinded you briefly, your head throbbed as the distant noise got closer.

You weren't quite sure where you were, but it wasn't Winterfell. It was red, everything, the snow was crimson red, the dew falling off the trees was red everything was red. You looked at yourself in the nearby bloodied river.

it wasn't you.

you felt around the face that was reflected on the river, it wasn't yours yet you could feel it, it was c aked in blood as well as the hair that came with it.

before panicking you remembered your sister's words;

"apart from the normal symptoms, you'll be ridden with nightmares for days might even be weeks"

You felt and indescribable hunger and as you saw the crimson snow it became appealing - appetizing even.

you took a handful of it and ate it, and then another, and another until your hunger was satiated.

everything went black for a while and when you awoke, you still weren't in Winterfell, but in the palace of Corvus. Castle Ravenna.

It wasn't you, you had to remind yourself before any panic would settle in your bones.

It all looked so different, The sigil on the banners was the old one, the walls were relatively new, even the throne looked more polished

this was clearly long before you had been born, who's body you were inhibiting, you didnt know, but it felt... different than in the snow earlier, the blood on your veins wamer, and faster.

"Amelia! are you listening?" the voice of a man said

Amelia? if the stories the women in blood told your sister were true, she was the first necromancer of house corvus.

"Yes dear?" you answered, the voice not your own.

"What have you been doing in the outskirts of the city, I've told you a hunded times. do not." he kept going

"The snow, i helped get rid of the red snow"

You didn't know how you knew what to say. You just did. It was automatic.

"We can't keep escaping from our marital duties.. we need to produce an heir"

Your stomach churned at the thought.

The blackout ensued again, yet this time you were in the garden, your hand was bleeding profusely, and a white rabbit squirmed on the floor, its head was detached.

You wouldn't move, couldn't, it felt as in a second your body was still and then you were looking through the rabbits eyes.

You've heard of wargs, yet they manipulated live animals.. not the dead.. as you snapped out of it, you gasped and quickly jid the beheaded rabbit in a bush, washing the wounded hand on the fountain.

The night you finally consummated your marriage with your husband, he was gentle, truly, he was, but we both longed for someone else. We didn't belong to the other, yet our destinies were written long before our conception.

Another black out. Gods, did you hate them by now.

You held your first born in your arms, a beautiful baby girl, eyes like the forest and caramel skin. She cooed at you and you smiled.

Her father seemed mad, only came in the room to corroborate the gender of the child and left.

Your nightmares showed the many children you or better said, Amelia, had through out the years. Five boy and five girls, only two made with love, the other out of necessity.

The last one was the most brutal of them all

Your body was now old and wrinkly as you could only stare in shock as the torture that was inflicted on your daughters was laughed at, and sang about, the remaining two sat on the table ridden in fear that they would wake up with a man in their chambers, putting the through hell, and you couldn't do anything.

Their daughters' daughters would go through this hell, and their daughters after that. Amelia couldn't bear it. You could feel it in her veins. She mustered any bit of energy left in her old bones and killed the man whom she had married all those years ago

The man who let men do whatever they pleased with your daughters for the sake of the kingdom. It was her last straw.

"You stand here accused of practicing the dark arts, and the worst crime..regicide, how do you plead?" The man asked loud for the whole city to hear

I stayed silent.

"Any last words then?" He asked

I looked up and said:

"My daughters will not be able to use their gifts, but be worry of the ones to come, one will be born so fierce, she'll fear no man, as no man will come to harm her, the loss of her sisters will only strengthen her, and the downfall of the tyrants of Bravoos will come"

The daughters cried as they were held by the perpetrators as your neck was sliced from ear to ear. Everything went black for the last time.

𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑

When you finally woke up, it was in a cold sweat, pawing at your neck with one hand. You looked hastily at your surroundings and saw a sleeping Bran at your bedside, a hand holding yours. Your heartbeat slowed a little, and you smiled

"Brandon, wake up," you say softly, shaking him

He woke up slowly, eyes groggy, but when he laid his eyes on your figure, his eye widened, and he jumped to hug you. "I thought you wouldn't wake up," he said distraught

You hugged him back and said, "Didn't know you missed me," grinning.

He glared at you playfully "Maybe..maybe not, are you okay? you were gone for days, mumbling things in your sleep.. you had me worried, " he said the blush in his cheeks eminent.

You couldn't stop the giggles that exited your mouth. After being cold and distant for so long, who could've thought he would be so concerned for your well being.

"Don't laugh." he added as he tried to storm out the room, but your hand pulling his stopped him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude," you say in between laughs. He furrowed his brows and quickly kissed your cheek, making you shut up. your brain malfunctioned, and you just stared at him, eyes wide and cheeks red.

Before you could say anything, he bolted out the door, yelling, "She woke up!"

And you just stared at the door in disbelief.

𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑ Thank you so much for getting this far, can't wait to continue this series!! If you'd like to be added to the taglist,let me know ♥︎

(っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡

taglist: @etyaty @tcapter

DO NOT;; RE-UPLOAD, TRANSLATE NOR COPY MY WORKS!!

This belongs to;;

-SASAGEHOES

[lover-of-mine]

#anyone want to hear my season 7 buddie spec that has no basis besides the voices in my head? sdoaksoaksokasokasoak yes ! me i always like to read your metas and what you have in mind

thank you for the support oaksoaksoaks

okay, I'm gonna start this off by saying this whole thing hinges on whether or not the show is gonna keep mirroring Buck and Eddie's personal journeys and this is mostly about Buck, I have no idea what they're gonna do with Eddie lol. First of all, this set back when the finale aired about the similarities between Buck and Taylor and Buck and Natalia and that illustrates it beautifully, the whole she came back, they seem happy, are they really? and that's a point against Natalia lasting in my opinion. But the thing is, I think Bucktalia also mirrors Eddiana, and that's when things start to get interesting in my brand of insanity. You have Buck treating Natalia's hand, you have Eddie treating Ana's, Ana and Natalia being reduced to their jobs, the first date in broad daylight in a cafe of some sort, a second date at home being interrupted by the rest of their lives (if you push a bit and think about Kameron's pregnancy, both dates are interrupted by their children even if the baby isn't Buck's on the ways that matter), you have the picture-perfect ending at home after a near-death experience, so the parallels are there too. And that means one important parallel, Buck holding on for the wrong reasons the same way Eddie did, which could doom that relationship further, but also leave Buck spiraling. Because if we're comparing personal journeys, Buck is in a state that's a mix of season 4 Eddie trying to be happy through the trauma and outside looking in/fear-o-fobia Eddie. I think we can even directly parallel some stuff, like, I truly believe the cemetery is the way Buck would handle the outside looking in kitchen talk if that went the other way around.

But the thing is, Buck needs to deal with the shit that happened to him before getting together with Eddie so I'm choosing to look at these as fuel for my Buck Breakdown beliefs. Unlike Eddie, Buck actually died, so that changes the dynamic a little bit, there's also the way that Buck doesn't care about his own life enough to break over dying, but while Eddie's PTSD has many triggers, the thing that actually breaks him is the knowledge that he didn't save the people he thought he saved. So my grand theory here is something happening to Maddie, Bobby, or Christopher that makes Buck lose it. I don't really think they would do something to Chris, but using him would have a similar effect if it wasn't for the fact that it would also break Eddie. Eddie himself doesn't count in this situation unless is both Eddie and Chris, because Buck would be forced to keep it together if something happened to Eddie for Chris' sake. Or maybe if they like, killed off the Buckley parents and forced Buck to deal with that grief. But Maddie or Bobby, dangerous situation, close call, hospital stay, honestly, something that would leave them in enough danger to trigger Buck, low-key don't think you need much to trigger that man. But trigger, Buck losing it, Eddie talking Buck down (how would Eddie find out Buck is losing it? I don't know, plot convenience, I like the idea of divorced-era Buddie and Eddie storming the loft because he's tired of Buck's bullshit and finding him, or maybe someone from dispatch calls Eddie because there's been a call from Buck's address, I don't know, they can get creative there), Buck working towards working his own shit out. But we're in this weird season 4/season 5b mix, right? How do we end s4? Near-death experience that calls back to a previous trauma, big revelation, aborted love confession.

One thing I refuse to compromise on is the fact that Eddie had his oh! moment during the shooting (it's my truth I am not letting it go) so you can probably see where I'm going here, right? A Buck in a better mind space almost dying by chance, getting saved by Eddie, and realizing something. You see the vision? Current vision goes back and forth between equipment malfunctioning, Buck falling, and Eddie being the only one close enough to get to him, this usually goes around a cliff, a bridge, and Buck falling into water (I know the truck bombing is not technically equipment malfunction but equipment did try to kill him, and water is Buck's worst enemy lol), or Buck and Eddie stopping to help someone, and shit going to hell, this vision usually goes with Buck and Eddie seeing a car crash of some sort, again someone drove off a cliff or off a bridge, they go to help, Buck gets trapped in the car, Eddie needs to save him (trapped under a vehicle, water) or just straight up having them drive of a bridge. Because something really big about the shooting is the way that, one it happened by chance, two they weren't supposed to be there, three Buck didn't have anyone he trusted there so he did the saving alone, and four by having Eddie get shot, you're bringing up why he left the army. So with Buck, if they stick to this pattern, you need to drown him or trap him under something, or both. And you have the way the lightning parallels the well and the shooting, and the well triggered something for Eddie, you have the whole you need to keep fighting, find your own way out, the suffocation aspect for both of them when you realize Eddie is about to drown and Buck's lungs are not working, and also the way Buck is supposed to learn something during his coma that could lead to a conversation similar to the will reveal. This is when the vision gets cloudy. Because ideal world, the reveal is Buck's feelings and we don't have an aborted love confession, we have a plain old confession, but the aborted route is always a possibility with a see you in season 8 thing.

But yeah, Buck breakdown, Buck starting to deal with his shit, near-death experience, Eddie having to save him alone, tense conversation after. I'm also slightly obsessed with what could happen in a scene where Eddie is dragging Buck out of the water, cpr, mouth to mouth, "you're not doing this to me again", Buck coughing up water while sitting up, Eddie catching him, "I got you, I got you". The possibilities are ENDLESS. Just put Ryan's emotional power to work. All those fun things oskaoskaoskoaksas

Also, this mostly hinges on Buck doing something to change their relationship because considering Buck tripped into 4 relationships, he needs to start this one. I'm a firm Buck needs to do something first believer. Buck's endgame relationship needs to start with him making a move. Also, my whole Buck needs to choose thing is all about Shannon saying that Eddie keeps making all the choices, so Eddie needs to let go of control and Buck needs to go for what he wants.

[softxsuki]

Hi I have an urgent request if you don’t mind.

Could I request head cannons for Baji with a reader who self harms but in a more violent way. Like she’s already really skilled at fighting but to train she goes out and kicks and punches trees sometimes to the point of breaking her bones. And sometimes if she’s just having a rough day she will go out and hit the trees to let off steam. In addition to all of this she also has large scars on her shins, feet, and knuckles and sometimes the scars will open up when she fights. I hurt lol 🥲

Baji with Reader Who Punches Trees After A Bad Day

Pairing: Baji x Fem!Reader (though I think it could be read as Gn?)

Warnings: Mentions of blood, form of self harm (punching trees), re-opened wounds, crying

Genre: Hurt Comfort

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 610

Summary: In which Baji comes over one day and finds you hitting the trees in your yard

[A/N: So very sorry for the wait. It's been a rough few weeks for me. I'm also sorry that this isn't my best work. I honestly couldn't think of much and I'm having the same problem with my other two urgent requests atm. I'll need a little while to get back into a writing rhythm. or just continue to force myself to write until it gets better. I hope this at least provides you with a tiny bit of comfort. Hope you're doing okay <3] (excuse the horrendous title. Idk what to name this 😅)

Baji:

It was just like any other day for Baji; sneaking over to your place, and hopping the fence into your background like he usually did when your parents weren’t home, since you always left the back door unlocked

But he didn’t expect to hear grunts and the sound of something being hit

So when he jumps over the fence and sees you beating this tree down--he’s stunned

Sirens ring in his head though as soon as he sees the blood dripping from your knuckles, along with your pants soaked in the red liquid as well

“Oi, knock it off,” he yells, running towards you and stopping you from assaulting the tree any further

Though he could care less about the tree and more about you hurting yourself

His heart breaks though when you cry out in frustration, tears running down your face

Every punch and kick felt better than living in your own emotions, you wanted to feel anything other than what you felt deep down inside, so the stinging of your knuckles and throbbing in your leg was welcomed

He had to hold you down for a little until you felt better

“At least punch me! Get it out of your system,” he screams at you, finally letting you go, but his words make you pause

“I don’t want to hurt you…”

“Exactly, I don’t want you to be hurt either, so please just settle down, let's talk it out.”

And so you did

You sat side by side in your yard just crying and letting out all your pent up emotions and Baji listened to every word, glancing down at your bleeding wounds every now and then

After getting everything off your chest you both  sat in silence. It was now dark out, the stars were shining and the moon illuminated off you both. A chill in the air ran over you, making you feel truly alive as the goosebumps raised on your skin

“I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way. Emotions suck sometimes, trust me, I would know. I’m not exactly known for acting properly whenever I feel them either, but let’s try and cope through them better…together. Okay? I hate to see you like this,” he address your bloody appearance

You take his words in. It never felt to great the next few days as your wounds were healing, and sometimes you’d regret going overboard on your attacks, knowing you’d have to deal with the pain for days to come, so you agree–you’d at least try

Satisfied with your answer, Baji suggests for you both to head inside so you can clean up

He waits for you in your room as you shower and change clothes, then he gets to work in treating your wounds, along with your leg wound that had opened up again, proof that this wasn’t your first time doing something like this

He bites his tongue though, he doesn’t want to lecture you or annoy you in any way, so he just continues to take care of you

Next time you try something like this though, he’s just fully throwing himself in between you and whatever you’re hitting

Hitting him would definitely do you less damage, and he was willing to be your punching bag if you needed it

Probably schedules those destroy rooms for you, or invites you to his place so you can punch his punching bag with the proper protection so you don’t hurt yourself, but you’ll still be able to blow off some steam

He has moments of rage and definitely can come up with safer ways for you to express those pent up emotions, so give those a chance

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 4/2/2023