#my parents dont take me to the doctor but im gonna ask to go

[flinnir]

this dragon might not live very much longer.

[tbmkit]

benito camelo headcanons like i promised

ok. time for headcanons on benito camelo cause like. yeah.

he wears glasses like my friends know this is my top headcanon but he wears glasses. whether its reading glasses or long-distance ones it depends on the vibe slash i dont know because i like both so it depends tbh

i like to think his clothing style is very much "erratic grey's anatomy character" Whatever that means. getting some mid 2000s vibe tbh

hes a virgo i think... he strikes me as a male virgo for sure... his birthday is september 11th. As for his Age ? i dont know i thinkkkkk hes like mid 20s older than the player for sure but not 30s old

(more under the cut!! a lot more!!)

i like to think hes not short as fuck like no not 5'5 like his freaking Player but moreso on the tall side maybe upwards of 5'10. also hes LANKY he smokes cigarettes all the time as stated in the fawking game

speaking of which... he smokes cigarettes and drinks straight black coffee all day hes very unhealthy unfortunately but thats the price he pays for being a "stupid genius"

oddly enough i think even though hes lanky and weak as fuck i think he can shoot a mean basketball.

i think to me my "headcanoned" version of benito is vv different to canon. like appearance wise at Least. i think hes not that pale... like he looks a lil sickly i really adore when ppl draw him with some colour to him God bless

hes mexican and brazilian YES im projecting a lil... but hes trilingual hes more mexican than brazilian maybe like 2/3 mexican 1/3 brazilian but hes lived in both places and speaks both languages. Where in brazil he'd be from though? minas gerais like i cannot see him Not be from minas gerais

i also think he doesnt wear hats often SUE ME!!! i dont think the beanie suits him so he doesnt wear hats

personal self-indulgent thing but i always draw him with a half-up half-down hairstyle like s4 eren yeager but a little longer. Yes i know he has a scar. However i think he should embrace it cause hes a lil badass. Usually i draw him with brown hair instead of solid black idk man i think his hair has a nice glow to it

onto sexuality hes def bi with a male preference but is kinda in denial about it. like he flirts with men all he wants but the moment they flirt with him hes like "Oh thats gay. Really gay."

i think in a relationship with a man, hed be a bit of a princess Like thinking of jeffrey rn he would 100% do anything benito asked cause thats his princess. but if in the SLIGHT chance he were to end up with a woman, he'd still be the woman in the relationship. in either case i def see him cooking and cleaning and taking care of the bills while working overtime But also hes a total diva he needs everything to go his way ykwim

ik hes really aloof and kind of "idc about anything" but thats def just a front Like he does care. he does give a gaf. he just pretends he doesnt. i mean he doesnt like children yet he becomes emi's mother like he can be changed HE CAN BE FIXED! so i def think post-quarantine benito is more on the motherly side while pre-quarantine benito is deadbeat dad vibes SOZ....

getting onto random shit so like Gonna speedrun a few:

he likes classical music and knows a good deal about music composition and arrangements. nothing special but i think he appreciates the artistry

i think he genuinely is a doctor (since ppl like to say hes a fake doctor) but i think he just doesnt gaf like maybe his parents forced him to go to med school or something of the sort

i can see him totally being transmasc OR transfem btw like putting that out there. i can see him as either transmasc and transfem and both make sense to me

like, hes soooo cringefail tboy. but hes also tfem diva. an icon all around and either way i love it.

strong maternal instincts. almost karen level. no i will not elaborate.

i also like to think he does painting on the side. like i can totally picture him going alone to a sunny field and bringing cotman watercolours in portable painter kit (yes thats the kind of painter he is iykyk) and just painting while drinking some wine in the middle of the day.

also, he can cook well. id like to think he can cook and has a bit of an eye on how to cook well cause like, as a doctor you need steady hands, so i think hes really careful with cooking Not a master chef but he can serve a family for the holidays if he set his mind to it

he can also serve CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he cant play video games im sawrry.... but i do think he has a penchant for older handhold consoles like gameboys maybe. maybe he likes some gta and thats it rlly

hes also lowkey maybe a big movie fan like i can see him being into movies Not like obscure 20's movies but def a fan of 90s romcoms, cheesy horror movies, dramas, etc. like a big fan of 80s-90s movies.

[lapdogchase]

thinking about therapy again bc i knowww i need to be in it. but i think one of my inarguable needs in a therapist is that they see me as an equal? i guess is the best way to put it. and thats not really something you can Ask it's more of a vibes based thing. but like. i hate playing stupid with doctors psychiatrists therapists etc i want to be like This is what im experiencing These are the resources ive looked into This is what i think is going on. where do we go from here. and like i know a fair amount about psychology and i dont want to have to pretend i dont. or for them to assume i dont. and like id look into peer support and stuff but i feel like thats more short term and less intensive than id need to unpack my childhood stuff. Oh i completely forgot to post and also finish typing this. anyway idk like what are even the chances of finding a provider in my area, who takes my insurance and is willing to work with me abt the copay, whose main modality isnt cbt, whos experienced in cptsd/dissociative disorders, and also who i click with as a person. idk. it feels completely hopeless lol and i know its not but like. maybe im fine rn like maybe i dont even need therapy really (least fine guy youve ever met voice)

but the other problem is i also need like, a social worker who isnt school-related and extremely overworked (god bless her tho omg) bc i need a lot of help getting like, case management and applying for disability etc. and just normal therapy isnt gonna help me when i also need those things. but i feel like most long term therapists arent also social workers and vice versa

and i dont even know what modality would be helpful for me. i know dbt WAS when i was younger, but now i know like. the basics, ive learned the coping skills etc. so idk if it would still be helpful? and i know like, somatic focused therapy or whatever would probably be helpful, because actually understanding what my body was doing and why and how that effects my mental health has been really helpful in the past. but also i feel like a lot of somatic therapists are... whats a nice way to say this. like a lot of the ppl ive seen either on like psychologytoday etc or on instagram reels are. the type of guy to buy dreamcatchers on shein and use cherrypicked parts of other cultures without understanding their cultural context. and, like, try to cure my dissociative disorder with reiki or something. Sorry im thinking abt the therapist i had in early 2020 now

idk i just dont really know what to look into even. bc ive heard good stuff from a friend abt emdr but im skeptical of emdr like, casually. like i havent tried it and i dont know a huge amount about it, but on the surface it kinda sounds like bullshit- yeah just look between these lights and think about stuff and thatll fix you. but i also understand how repetitive movement can be calming (#autism) and it makes sense that being exposed to those memories and also in a safe place would be helpful? and i like that u dont have to talk abt the traumas in depth out loud. but i also feel like thats more for single-event traumas or at least trauma that u like, remember

and i feel like being able to talk out loud abt stuff would help me. like having another person to bounce my thoughts off of whos not like. a friend. and is able to deal w that kind of thing. and is also paid to do so. And can also help me like. recognize when im being insane. but also Wont assume im being insane and that all my thoughts are fucking cognitive distortions

idk its just exhausting trying to figure out What i even want from therapy other than to Feel Better and stop losing entire months of my life sometimes and to be able to like. make phone calls and talk to people and not feel evil and insane all the time. and to be able to live away from my parents and have a life, whether that involves Employment or not. one of my short-term goals in therapy w a long term therapist would explicitly be to decide my long term goals and how i'll know i met them. bc i think talking abt the therapeutic relationship w my therapist up front is something that would benefit me. due to the avoidance.

idk. wgat everrrr.

[mik0is0bored]

Im gonna vent rq so ignore this if you want idc

So yknow how in past posts I've said my mom is rude to me (telling me to go to hell is one of the many things she's said) and is nicer to everyone in my family? So yeah basically this all happened not even five minutes ago and basically I say "mom i think I have insomnia and depression can you try and schedule an appointment with my doctor" and she starts saying "no you don't need to go to the doctor your fine" and goes off on "you don't try to sleep at night you stay up and read or draw and think about whatever the fuck you want and you don't try to sleep" like last night I stared up at my ceiling or had my eyes closed and I only got four to five hours of sleep. I tried falling asleep. But I couldn't. I fell asleep at 11:30 last night. And then she starts saying "you dont get to defend yourself" and my irl friend let's me vent abt my mom right and so my mom stops talking and says "who are you texting" nd takes my phone before I can even respond and I say "why can't I talk to my friend" saysi explain why I am and she sits there with her mouth open like shocked or whatever and then she has the audacity to say "you don't get to feel emotions" and you do, mom? You get to decide my emotions? You get to tell me how I feel? Cause you dont. You make me feel like the scum of the earth and I don't matter, but you don't get to tell me that my feelings don't matter. She accuses me of yelling, I'm not yelling. I'm loosing my voice cus I was sick and I'm full on crying cus of all this shit like bro now your standing in the doorway of the bathroom apologizing? "Clean the mascara off your face" why? So dad doesn't see I've been crying? Like sorry i don't hate her, but don't fucking tell me my emotions don't matter then tell me to do shit that'll make it seem like shit didn't happen that's fucking unacceptable and it's beyond cruel to treat your fucking kid like that. And we wonder why people have mental illness and their mental health is bad. (Not all cases, but some) have unbelievable parents who tell them all this shit, and it makes them (me included) depressed, anxious, and fucking suicidal. This has nothing to do with it but I'm scared as shit to ask for help. It took me 10 minutes in health class today to ask my instructor "I'm i citing my sources correctly?" Like that should not take someone that long to ask a stupid question. Now I'm asking for therapy (wow I'm asking for help?) And my parents are ignoring the fact I said anything

[mental-ch-illness]

um i really don't know who to ask about this so i hope you don't mind this here. im in a capital b Bad place rn, not necessarily mentally but productivity-wise i am non-functional. have known i am autistic for years now but recently finally got a diagnosis which opened up new help routes from the govt. i love with and am entirely reliant on my parents. im supposed to be a student but can't attend school bc Fuck Up.

my parents are suffering so much bc of me and are very uneducated about autism and everything is really difficult for us right now. we are a large family and so far treatment for me had cost SOOOOOO MUCH and im still not getting any better. my parents discovered ABA therapy and want to put me through it. they don't understand anything about the negatives they are just desperate for things to get better no matter what it costs on my end (which makes sense since im the one putting them thru this). i know they love me but it hurts a lot knowing how little they understand when they things like "well why can't you just do that" when they learn what masking is (i already do and also it's painful and that's such a shitty solution).

im so scared they're gonna make me do ABA and it's really expensive (you sign up for a chunk of sessions at a time and each one is 8k)(we are NOT RICH) but i can't just refuse because this has been going on for so long and everyone is miserable and im ruining my family. i can't just refuse a potential solution. but im so terrified i've heard the stories of what happens to people who go through ABA and i DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME

im a minor, financially dependent on them, and i love them more than anything so i can't just leave or smthn; they are always arguing and crying and it's always bc of me and i just want to be better for them; but they want me to do ABA

i need advice im so sorry i just don't know what to do at all anymore. should i suck it up and try it? it might break me inside but if it gets my outsides to function properly maybe it doesn't matter idk

I am so sorry you're going through all this. I want to reassure you that your parents very much love you. You are not a fuck up. School is not built for us. It's made to funnel people in structured 9-5 jobs with little support for anyone who can't fit into those boxes. I have been where you are now and I promise you that it does get better. It takes time and hard work— like... a lot of hard work— but it does get better. Hopefully your new diagnosis allows you to have more treatment options and you are able to achieve so much!

As someone who has experience with ABA, I have So Many Thoughts™️. ABA can be useful at teaching life skills, such as sorting, cleaning, safety information, communication, and tolerating overwhelming situations (example: doctors/dentists, school, etc). Personally, I find that it CAN be a great tool... but only in the right hands AND in a properly trauma informed and emotionally responsive environment.

Unfortunately, most people view ABA as a way to control problematic behaviors and increase compliance, instead of a form of theory that allows for a better understanding of the functioning of behavior. Personally, I think it is can be used for very young children or those who have much higher support needs. Again, it should be used to teach basic life skills. Even when that is the focus of a learner's program, it's very easy to get wrong which can lead to traumatization, prompt dependence, and more.

The field of ABA is just like any field of science and will need time to grow and change, but it's not something I can provide my full confidence in at this current. While it has improved in many ways since its early conception (it's kind of hard to get worse than rebirthing), it still has a long way to go. One of the biggest problems with ABA is that it fails to take the experiences of those with Autism into account. It took months of cajoling before I could convince an ABA practitioner to approve a oral stim toy for their client, and within that first week their self biting went from over 100 instances a day to less then 50. The practitioner seemed so shocked that an autistic person might just have a good idea or two on how to help another autistic person. Go figure.

Personally, I would look into Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT is known to help those with Autism learn to cope with emotionally overwhelming situations as well as sensory overload. Another really great thing about DBT is that there is often a group therapy aspect to it, which helps those with autism learn to interact positively in social environments with others who are going through similar experiences.

Hope this helps!

[studaxy]

hii!! :) this is astra! 🩵

i hope this doesnt come off as rude or offensive 😿 but you've mentioned that you were originally preparing for neet, right? welllll im currently preparing for jee & i was just wondering like if you knew like neet wasn't just the "✨️destination✨️" or like "✨️the ultimate goal✨️" of yours?? idkk did you ever have these doubts 😭? bec im currently having them & i actually wanna prepare for neet bec I've always been interested in it lol 😅 saurr like I just wanted to know if you ever had the doubts & stuff bec I really dont wanna waste my parents money & efforts haha <3

& I hope you have a great day/night!! :) & im extremely sorry if I come off as rude or insensitive 😞 :(

nono its cool!! its not rude or insensitive at all its a very valid thing to ask and I'm honestly in a better place now so its chill

neet was my mom's dream. she always wanted to have a doctor in the family, and well it didn't happen because my dad and all of my siblings including me are engineers now lol. but as soon as my first grade I've had like "oh axy's gonna give neet, they're gonna become a doctor" drilled in my brain to the point where like, I didn't really know anything else. I kinda wasn't allowed to think differently for my entire highschool yknow? I get what you mean by having doubts because I did have them when the stress of it all got to me but at the same time I shoved them deep in my brain because I was in denial, it was my mom's dream so I couldn't have doubts.

she did this with my siblings, and well it didn't work out for them, and it evidently didn't work out with me either because when it was finally time to give neet, I realized, oh I just. I don't want this. I'm going to be stuck with these subjects for the rest of my life, preparing for exams like this for years and years and. I don't care about it enough to give up the years I had for it yknow? its like when you have two choices, and you flip a coin for it and you realize which one you want it to land on while its in the air.

I guess you could say then all the money my parents put in preparing me for neet was a waste. I mean, it was, it very much was, my mother was very disappointed and we do not have a good relationship - we're kinda working on it? - but I also think its inevitable, unfortunately. I don't think you get a win win situation when deciding for careers, especially as a desi, because at least one person you care about will be heavily disappointed and money will be wasted.

I'm kinda not the right person to ask lol because I'm still not sure what exactly I'm interested in - i'm enjoying engineering but maybe its because I'm taking subjects entirely opposite to that of neet who knows - but if you know for sure that neet will be good for you and that you're not interested in jee then go ahead and try to make it happen man! talk to your parentals, start that conversation, see how it goes even if it hurts a little on the way.

I'm a lot happier now even if it was miserable planting that seed into my parent's brain. the passive-aggressive comments will come and the guilt will be painful but like, at least you're not doubting and dreading the rest of your future yknow?

I hope that makes sense lol and I hope you got the answer you wanted. I also hope everything works out in your favour and that you're happier for it :]🫂

good day/night to you too!

p.s - sorry for answering late lol I was swamped with assignments

[largetriangles]

been working on this paper most of the day and just sent an email asking for an extension. it was supposed to be due on wed and he made it due on fri to give us more time.

it was due at 5 but the assginment closes at 12. Im gonna submit my in progress doc and then submit the rest later. I dont feel good but this is not new for me so it's not too bad either i guess. Asked to have until the middle of next week as extra time bc i want to redirect my project slightly, which is true. I've got better ideas than what I was doing.

It wouldn't have been fully fixed, but being out of my vynse really fucked me up. like whatever I was hanging out this weekend thats fine. but if i had done any work on monday, tuesday, wednesday, or thursday I would have been fine lol :skull:

but i didnt do anything on monday. I slept in and got my meds which I took 1 of them around 2pm bc thats when I got them which led me to being up kinda late. tuesday I wake up kinda late take my meds at a more normal time but I woke up late enough that I only got a couple things done before Isaac was home and hes more important than doing that stupid ass essay on that day (I had the rest of the week to do it. it's literally fine to not write an essay 4 days in advance). Wednesday. I wake up late -_- and I freak abt another paper for noooo reason once I sent the email he reminded me of a convo we had and I'm literally fine. I do get some work done finding sources yayyy. Then I've gotta go to work and be ready for my momma to get me and go home. not gonna write an essay late at night at my parents house. Thursday (yesterday) I um I. oh right. I woke up super late bc I forgor how dark my room is here. Then I go out on the couch and I open some stuff up but mostly research boxing gyms and watch tv. watched my cousin vinny (vyvanse lets me watch movies?) and called with Doctor (who is Not the fuck you guy shes awesome actually). Then I'm watching tv with momma and then tv with dad. jeez we watch tv. we just always have shows to catch up on together lol. anyway then suddenly its today and I do set alarms and do go to coffee shop to get a decaf drink and work pretty well for a while. but also I had that crying breakdown which did lead to a short panic attack haha. I lock in and get some more done (2 hrs of work) and then I get food for what felt like 15 mins but was 45+ and then i work for another hourish before writing my email asking professor (who is actually the fuck you guy) for an extension. and here i am 30 mins later after god knows what finishing a long tumblr post. OH i messaged dio a little. love that guy

[judesbelligoal]

chileeee my mama just made me so mad today. So for context, this whole year, I’ve been seriously suspecting that I have adhd and/or autism myself, and not in a quirky way, like I genuinely feel like there’s something “off” with me and has been my whole life, but if I go to a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist tells me I’m not, I’m open to hearing that, like I’m just tryna figure out what’s up with me.

So this week I was thinking about how usually for people who have adhd diagnosis as an adult, the doctor usually asks about your childhood, looking for childhood history and stuff. So I’ve been thinking about my childhood and how I used to behave and shit and I asked my mom when we were cooking and that conversation basically went like this

“ma did the teachers say I was distracted a lot when I was a kid?”

And she said “no” and I was like “really? I remember being told by teachers that I was distracted a lot throughout school” (and yes, I genuinely remember being told this and even yelled at for it)

and then she basically said that yeah, I did get told that I was distracted, but I was only distracted in classes that I was bored in (which was most of them), but in classes that were unfamiliar, I was very engaged in.

Then we left that at that, then I also asked her for the information to our primary doctor, coz I don’t have it. I asked her for a seperate issue, but I think she connected the two questions in her mind.

Then an hour ago, before she left for work, she told me to sit down and just went on a tirade about how I shouldn’t go to the doctor to get diagnosed with anything because there’s nothing wrong with me. And the she got back to the question from before and she was like

“you started school early, you were in the first grade when you were five years old and everyone else was 7-8 so of course you were distracted blah blah blah”

Keep in mind that this convo was out of nowhere considering the question I asked her was hours ago lol, but yeah. She spoke about how I was so mature for my age when I was a child, I was ahead of everyone in a higher grade and that’s why I was so bored and distracted, that I was a very disciplined child who learned everything before everyone else, how I barely cried as a baby, how I learned to talk and use the bathroom way before every other kid and that I was just a smart kid and that nothing was wrong with me, etc and that my life only fell apart this year, my first year out of high school (graduated last year).

At this point it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than me lol coz I just sat there in silence for the 20 minute rant.

Idk man. When I was a kid, both my parents refused to evaluate me, thinking I was just a “smart child that was blessed by God.” I think she doesn’t even want to consider the possibility that I could have a mental disability. And I hate that she’s so religious that she thinks everything can be changed with prayer.

I think maybe she doesn’t know the full picture of what an adhd diagnosis looks like so she takes it as it being a negative thing when in reality it could help you a lot with trying to understand yourself a bit better. Idk if you’re black but im gonna assume you are and unfortunately this is something thats very common in the black community. Dont let this stop you from finding out if you do have adhd/autism❤️

[bigmack2go]

Since i made tjis tag i thought i might as well add onto it already so uh yeah… again: feel free to use this to explain the internet to ur parents

Emoji guide!!

💀: is like a way to laugh. Specially like a „bruh“ or „no she/he/they/you did not“, „i cant believe he/she/they/you did this“ or „there is no way they/you/she/he did this!“. Do not use this if someone died please!

😭: also a laugh. Dont ask. People use it differently but many people use it specifically when they are jokingly complaining or whining about something. Also when something is unbelievable and/or like a wheezing „what?!“ or „seriously?!“

🥺: we usually mock ppl w this saying they’re pick me (fishing for compliments)

🤠: i hate my life right now

😃😀: those are like a frozen smile and show that u highly dislike smt

🙂: im about to strangle someone and beat the shit out of them. When you need to take a deeo breath to keep cool

🙃: either mocking pedoph!les lt trying to creep someone out or saying that someone is creepy

😆: hAHa YoUrE So FuNnY (hint: youre not funny)

😁: ironically saying „look what I’ve accomplished“

🥹: is the version of „🥺“ that we actually use

🥲: can be „beautiful“ *wipes tear from eye* or like the office glance at the camera.

😇: i do not in fact have very good intentions

☺️: im gonna kill u. Kind of a „you did what now?!“ when u try to keep calm

😊: im so not okay right now and i hate my life or being proud in a bragging way

😉: make fun of pedoph!les

😌: uh-huh thats right. Im great (and u suck). OR „good girl“ yk?? Or being proud

😗: also a frozen smile kinda thing

😋: hehe mischievous

😝: mocking old ppl

🤪: ironic way of mocking pick me girls (aka girls that are fishing for compliments)

🤨: „thats what she said…“

🧐: „do you realise what youre saying??“

🤓: making a mocking voice

😎: mikedrop

🥸: are you aware that u sound like an idiot rn

🤩: IM GONNA BE A DOCTOR OR LAWYER OR SMT (i didn’t fail my maths exam for once)

😣😖: u gonna cry?/ go cry about it

😫: our generation is weird and has to make everything moaning. Sry but this is moaning.

😩: „OH COME ON!“

🤯: are you telling me you didn’t know this yet?

🥵: moking hot situations or saying „that was close“

🥶: „YOU GOT ROASTED“

😶‍🌫️: wasn me

😱: are you telling me u didn’t know this?

🤗: im so happy for u (i hate you and i don’t think u deserve shit and it’s not fair that i have smt i want. Fuck u)

🤭: you think im frightened of u?

🤔: ironic way to say „i wonder why“

🤫: i did smt haha

🤥: i did smt not-so-haha

🫠: „that was so embarrassing“ discompfot or blush or a way of showing a crush. Some people use it as that thing where j get rly angry and try to cover it up and then your eye starts twitching

🤥: haha wasn me (it totally was me and we all know it)

🫥: no ones laughing

😐😑: i cant w u

🫨: more ironic version of „🥶“

🤤: i want that

🙄😴: waiting

😮‍💨: why r u such an idiot? And why did god choose me to handle it?

😵- oh— (swallowing a laugh)

🥴: w h a t

🤢: exxeragating way to make fun of ppl

🤑: gimme gimme

🤡: u/i sound like an idiot. Also way to mock creeps

👹👺: when u make your voice all bellowish and/or come of creepy and weord

👽: he/she/they sounds like an idiot. Are they dumb? Or „girl—?“

👾: stop talking. Ur annoying and also no ones buying ur shit

✌️: often used ironically

🤌🏼: *cheffkiss*

🫰🏼🤏🏻: teeny weeny

🫴🏻: y tho

☝🏼: mhm (pretending to be an authority figure, usually in a lightly mocking way)

🖐️: oft used in combo w „😭“ to say „can i live??“

👁️👄👁️: heh

✍️: noted OR im writing u in my death note

🦶: stfu or what ur saying makes no sense

🫦: mockingly sexual

👣: ur onto smt

👀: „woOHP“ *swallows a laugh*, he said what?, offensive sideeye, looking forward to smt OR i may or me not be plning smt (im absolutely planning smt) aka what i says has double meaning

🗣️: no one wants to hear your bullshit

👼: opposite as 😇

💆: this isnt a massage. This is me desperatly holding my demples and taking deep breaths so i dont kill anyone

💅: fab. Its also kind of slang/ hidden way to say „gay“ and do the handflick thingy. At least it used to be idk

🧑‍🦯: ur not making any sense

🧍‍♀️: someone spunds like an idiot or idk what to do w myself/ this sotuation

🕴️: you are about to break into dancing

🕺💃: vibing w music

🎩/🎓: used to be like „ha look how smart i am because of tjis one thing i got right“ in a nonserious way but no one rly uses it anymore

💍: marry me (obv) but like in an easy way. You had a good idea and im flashed by it so im exerragating your genious so much i want to marry u. Thats just an example obv

👑: u dropped this

🦄: delulu

✨: to make a word fancy like precenting a banner u put one of these at the beginning and end of the word/phrase/sentence. This can br sarcastic or serious. In quarantine many people used this as general quote unquote marks

🌚🌝: hehe

🔥: pften used by bro-pal-guy-jocks to push a post by comenting

[therosebunpost]

Summer Vacation Regrets

—————

Steve Harrington x Disabled! Disfigured!Fem!Reader

The Summer where you finally get that major surgery, but for some reason you don’t want to hang out with Steve before it happens. (A prequel/drabble to my Regret Series)

TW: Underaged drinking, heavily discussion of surgery, self esteem issues, hospitals, mentions of a near death incident, Reader is as neutral as possible but this story is heavily influenced by my life and experiences, so there may be some incidental coding. (Please feel free to give me feed back on anyway I can make this better!)

(Not beta’d, so I apologize for grammar)

—————

Steve was looking forward to summer. He already had it mapped out. Taking a job at the pool as a lifeguard, he was determined to save up for a car by the time he was 16 years old. His parents were proud, he was proud, and you were proud. Proud enough to promise him that you’d make the trek to hang out with him at the pool as many times as your parents let you, or you could sneak away on your big, clunky three wheeled bike.

It’s why getting that call was so confusing.

“I…I can’t hang out with you at the pool anymore. At least not for a few months.”

“Months? How many??”

There was some muttering on the line that Steve couldn’t quite make out. Not that he was really focusing on it too much. Months? You wouldn’t hang out with him for months?

“Two, two months.”

He says your name, exasperated. “That’s almost the entire summer! We’ll only have a month left!”

More muttering, now he can hear the sudden pain in your voice. “Wait, it…it might be…the whole Summer, Stevie.”

“What?!”

“I just came back from my doctor. They say it’s finally time, that I’m so close to getting my prosthetic. I just need to um, do something else first. That I need to recover from. So, no pool or anything.”

That gets him to calm down, just a bit. Right, your appointment. Your surgery. “Well, alright. Then we’ll just hang out another way! You know there’s that movie coming out, maybe you can ask your mom-“

“I can’t.”

Steve blinks, once again confused. “O…kay. I’ll bring stuff over then! Or you can come over! Oh, we could hang out in my pool. Does your mom know I’m a lifeguard? I promise we’ll be super safe, and she can even stay over with you, we have the room-!”

“I don’t want you to see me!”

There was that pain in your voice again.

"Oh god Steve it's, it's so awful. They have to put this implant inside of me, and it's gonna end up looking like this growth on my face. I hate it, I hate this so fucking much." You finally break down on the phone and Steve takes a moment to gather what your saying.

Sometimes the things you went through confused him. He's known you for years at this point but your condition still didn't make a lot of sense to him. From what you've told him, it didn't make sense to your doctor's either.

"...So I can't see you at all? You really are gonna spend all summer alone?"

"We can still call." You rush to tell him, and Steve can imagine the way you strangle the phone cord in your hands. "I dont…i just don't want to be seen. But I'll call you. i'll call you everyday."

"...When is it? The..implant?"

"Next week. Im going to home school for the last weeks of school."

"Holy shit, your serious?"

"Yeah. It's…Its bad, Steve. I…I cried after they told me the plan. Right in the room with mom."

"...Will you at least come over one more time this week? At least come hang out at the pool once?"

"..I'll ask mom."

-.-.-

Your mom does say yes, and hanging out at the pool was just as fun as Steve thought it would be. Sure, you couldn't swim but you hung out with him in the guard chairs. You spent the night, and you both sneak out to hang by his pool, alone.

Steve, ever the bad influence at times, passes you the bottle of beer. "...Are you really not going to do anything? Or see anybody?"

"...I just…I think I was finally starting to accept my appearance and now this? For months? I just…I hate it so much. Its like the universe hates me."

"It's probably won't be as bad as you think, I mean-"

"It's gonna be pretty damn bad. like, it's gonna be the size of my cheek. Maybe even bigger! I'll look gross." You lean back against the warm ground.

"The doctor said they could do a skin graph but they wanted to use the skin on my face first so it matches better. But like come on, it's all my skin, the difference can't be that much! It's not like they had that issue trying to use a part of my rib as a prosthetic!"

"....Didn't you say that your body…like…sucked it back in and that's why it didn't work?"

".....Okay, fair but still! A balloon?? On my face? It's like they don't even fucking care how awful that's going to be.The stares I'll get, the grossed out faces. It's like, how do they expect me to live with that?"

Steve laid down with you, and while he didn't know a lot about what you were going on about, he knows your frustrated.

"Remember when you got that bar on your face? The metal one?"

You gave him a look. "..Yeah?"

"You lived after that. You survived."

"I was like, five."

"So? You gonna let a five year old be braver than you?"

"Oh that is not the same-"

"Okay, what about when you got that thing out of your stomach? The feeding thing-"

"My G-tube?"

"Yeah. You literally bragged about having your stomach stuff coming out of you and just living with it. We were like, ten?"

"Im still not over the fact that the doctors didn't believe me about it not closing all the way, those jackasses."

Steve says your name and you sigh. "Okay fine, but that was then and this is now. I'm older, I care more about myself."

Steve snickers and you reach over and shove at him. He makes a show of nearly falling into the pool which you scoff at.

"Last summer, you and I went out on a canoe together without a person with us. Mind you, you could have died if we tipped over. We gave the counselors a heart attack."

You laugh at the memory, the rebellion rushing through your veins. "I had you with me!"

For a moment Steve is taken aback, but he's quick to shake his head with a smile. "Obviously. But anyway, are you gonna let this get you? Are you just not gonna hang out with me because of a bunch of assholes? Do you think I'm an asshole?"

That makes you whip around to face him, aghast. "No, Steve what-"

He levels you with a long stare. "Then why do you think I'd care about it? You're my friend. I wanna spend the summer with you. Not just over the phone, which is bullshit because you hate phone calls anyway."

It's a moment like this where you ponder the real reason you don't want him to see you. The real reason that you refuse to acknowledge because it will never happen.

Only in fairy tales, or movies, or books. Things that happened to Pretty Girls, like the ones Steve talks about sometimes.

"...I'm scared." You whisper, softly. "...I'm really scared, Steve. This…this is going to change my life. I dunno if I'm ready for that." You look out at the water, which glows from the pool lights. "I've been told my whole life how this will fix things. Fix me. Getting this prosthetic, getting my trach taken out. There's gonna be a lot of benefits, yeah, but…I'm angry that I have to do this shit. I'm angry that it's something I just have to grin, and bare because there's no other fucking alternative."

Steve watches you as you talk. His eyes trained on the shape of your lips, the way the sounds are altered, the light of the pool on your face. You look…tired. More tired than anyone your age should be.

"....You know uh…worms?" He snickers a little when you furrow your eyes at him. "They go through that thing, that change thing."

"Metamorphosis."

"Yeah, metamor-whatever."

"Okay, end? Also those are caterpillars."

"Your a worm!"

"Caterpillar."

"Oh my god, shut up-"

You laugh, silent but obvious with the way your shoulders shake and you lean your head back.

"But like yeah, this is you going through your meta-thing. You're gonna be a pretty butterfly or Oh! A Swan. Yeah."

Pausing at his words, you can feel the heat creep up your cheeks. "...Pretty?" You echo, shy and just a little uncertain.

"Well duh. Really pretty." Steve insists, beaming at you. It's a brash, kinda backwards compliment but he's trying. He's really trying, and you aren't sure if you can keep shoving those fluttering feelings away.

-—————-

Those last three weeks of school pass. Steve doesn't get to see you until the first week of Summer, where he bikes all the way to your house. He had called to tell you he was coming, so he doesn't knock when he gets there.

"So, how did it go- Whoa-"

Well, you were not kidding. The implant was obvious. Very obvious, and Steve forced himself not to stare at it. Not that it mattered, since you were already crumbling away from him.

"It's awful, I know-" You gush, devastated. "Feels weird too." Your eyes are red rimmed from crying and Steve stands there awkwardly. Fuck, he was not good with crying.

"No! It's…Its not that bad. I just had a hard time picturing what it looked like when you told me." He explains, the words spilling from him. It was the truth, he really didn't know what to expect. "It's not bad, I swear on my collection of baseball cards, it's not!"

You narrow your eyes at him. "...Even the signed ones?"

"Yeah."

Your shoulders slowly relax and you rub at your eyes. You were always good at coming back from crying. Steve, well, he wishes he could bounce back that fast.

"..Wanna watch a movie?" He suggests, already heading into the living room. "Any one you want!"

-----

After that, the weeks passed and you slowly grew bored of keeping yourself locked away like some princess, or troll. You slowly started joining your mother on her errands. The implant grew and grew, but after a while you got used to it. Steve barely glanced at it anymore, instead focused on spending the summer with you, whenever you had the chance.

You do end up hanging out with him during lifeguard duties. He jokes about having you as his assistant whenever you bring him water or snacks, but you always retaliate with squirting at his hair with a water gun.

It's not all perfect. You do get stares. People sometimes avoid you, and kids your age are cruel, but Steve is there. He's getting popular, and with whatever grade school cred he has, he makes sure to use some of it to protect you.

It all shifts when the surgery finally arrives. You and Steve are sitting out by his pool again, now a month and a half older. "...I'm gonna miss you, at camp." He states, taking a sip of another beer.

"...Your still going??" You raise an eyebrow at him. "Why?"

"Because I like it? Besides, I'm thinking about being a counselor. Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Well, I…I mean I'm not gonna be there." You state, and the words sound ridiculous as soon as you let them out. Steve laughs and you shove at him. "I'm gonna miss you, sure, but I still wanna go! I need to defend my swimming record, and I already have what I'm gonna wear for theme night! Wouldn't you still go if I couldn't?"

The way he says it, it sounds like the answer should be obvious. The camp was for people like you, after all.

He says your name after a moment, confused. "...Wouldn't you?"

"...I dunno." You admit after a moment, breathing in slowly. "....It's kinda fun, but sometimes I hate the atmosphere. I hate the way the counselors talk to me at times, like I'm stupid. I don't feel like…I'm disabled enough to warrant even being there. Hanging out with you, it actually makes me enjoy it. It feels like an actual camp."

Steve doesn't say anything for a while. You watch the way his brows furrow, and the contemplative frown on his lips. "...Does that mean…last year was your last year?"

You ponder it before shaking your head. "...I want to go with you." You shrug, picking at a loose thread on your swim suit. "If you become a counselor, then I will too! Like hell am I gonna let you boss me around even more."

He laughs, loud and clear. You're jealous, and awed all at the same time. "But I will probably stop one day, I think."

Steve nods, and you wonder if the sadness in his eyes is just a trick of the light.

----

The next morning, you go in for early surgery. Steve is antsy the whole day, though he isn't sure why. You were a pro at this! He's heard countless stories about your various surgeries, so why does this one feel so…great? Monumental?

He doesn't get to come see you until the next day. He walks in, holding a bouquet of flowers and a plush of your favorite animal. He hopes he doesn't look as tired as he feels. He woke up early at 6 AM, zoning out to Twilight Zone reruns until 8, where he stumbled around to get ready to see you again. It hadn't been that long ago, but it felt like maybe you had gone three months without seeing each other.

As he makes his way over to your room, he's reminded of an episode he watched. A hospital themed one. It kind of confused him, really. The woman got surgery to be beautiful, but it failed.

Steve turns a corner, and passes a plastic surgery office where he can hear the distant sounds of a meeting.

He remembers watching the bandages being removed, and thinking he heard them wrong. The woman was beautiful. The surgery was a success and yet…the hospital staff had recoiled. He had been blown away by the revelation of what the doctors and nurses looked like, and something in the back of his mind wished you could have seen it with him.

He steps into the hospital room, his eyes landing on you. Your face isn't fully bandaged up, but there's a strip of cloth that keeps your mouth shut. You look as exhausted as he feels. Your eyes slowly open to see him, only to become slightly panicked.

"Hey." He greets, slowly walking closer and settling down in the plastic chair beside your bed. You don't say anything, you can't, but Steve does. "Y'know, I'm kinda confused." He admits, gently placing the tiny stuffed toy on your bed. “I don’t think the doctors did much.” You make a noise of confusion, gesturing at the bandage on your face. Obviously they did, what was he even getting at here?

"No, really. Like sure, the balloon thing is gone, but you look the same to me, Miss Butterfly." He admits, leaning on his arms and gazing up at you. Watching as the words slowly register. You slowly smile, eyes shining with tears before you wince and grab at your notepad.

'Stop making me smile, my face hurts like a bitch. >:('

He laughs, shaking his head and reaching over to grab the remote for the TV. "I'll ask the nurse for more drugs, maybe you'll be a little nicer to me." He grins, and flips through the channels. "But hey, there's this episode I want you to see.."

Midway through the re-runs, you fall asleep. The drugs and the pain dragging you under. Steve sits there, his hand in yours. He eyes the IV, his thumb brushing against the bandage keeping it inside. His gaze travels up your arm, and lands on your face. Your expression wasn’t exactly peaceful, but he was glad you were resting.

“I was scared this morning.” He admits, emboldened by the silence. “I know you’re like, super good at all of this, but…yeah.” He trails off, letting his eyes slowly drift closed. “You do look really pretty. In your hospital bed, or..anywhere really. You always have.”

[intersexfairy]

using tumblr as a journal for a moment. parents just gaslit the fuck out of me i think. its a long disorganized rant becaus ei cant fucking process whatever the hell just happened.

i came back from an appt with my GP and came home to tell my parents about it. he referred me to a new cardio and gave me a referral for neurosurgey. so. i tell my parents. and they barely reply. so i keep asking if they understand how serious this is, why they wont reply.

it turns into lecturing me about how i need to do more around the house. how i need to lose weight. they use any example of me doing anything to ask why im not doing chores. they demand i use what little energy i have on housework. i asked if i was selfish and they basically affirmed. my dad told me to stop focusing on all these doctors and go get a job.

i told them i have nerve damage. everything i do hurts. i told them im being evaluated for a serious disorder wiht ptoentailly fatal complications. i told them the time they DENIED ME MEDICAL CARE, i partially dislocated my knee, and my PT says so. they. just kept. attacking me. they always bring up the "we can't take care of you forever" "what are you gonna do when we're gone" and i told them i'd suffer bc i can't take care of myself and their frustration with having to take care of me (WHICH THEY BARELY FUCKING DO) is their burden. they chose to be parents.

my dad told me he didnt sign up to be a parent. he didnt sign up to take care of me for life because he has to take care of my mom (also doesnt do that either). im a fucking dead beat child to them. i was crying in front of them. my dad demands i do a family session and wants a release to talk to my therapist. when i said i wanted privacy and i dont trust him, he said he has a right to my medical records if he has to take care of me. he said maybe i need someone to decide what's right for me if i keep making bad decisions.

i kept trying to walk away and they kept saying not t walk away, we're not walking away, i told them i didnt want to talk and they guilted me, manipulated me, made me feel like i was the bad guy. my dad said i'm just lazy and i'm choosing to not be able to do things like chores.

i finally got fed up and took my laptop/etc. to my room. shut myself in here and now im trying to get high or incapactiated. got tehrapy tonight. 5:30pm est. fuck everthing

[greysanatomy-adulteresswhore]

New Beginnings

Summery: Y/n y/l/n is a new intern, she is excited to meet her compitition, and make some friends.

Characters: Meredith, Christina, Izzy, George, Alex, Chief, Baily.

Type: fluff, just doctor life and making friends.

Warnings: everything you would find in a hospital. No gender mentioned. No age is mentioned, assumed to be young. The reader has a famous father, known for his plastic surgery.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Today is the day, the day i start to work in a real hospital. Part of me is nervous, part of me is so excited, i could pop like a ballon. I reach the hospital and park, i see a group of people walking towards the door. I follow them in and make my way to the OR, where the chief said to meet at. Once i make it i see the chief standing there, looking over everyone.

"Welcome to Seattle Grace Hospital." He says. "Im your chief, Dr. Webber." He says. I turn and see a girl who's a bit later then everyone else. Chief Webber goes on and on about how hard this is gonna be, and i can start to feel my insecurity setting in. I look around and people are glaring at others. I try to smile.

After Chief shows us around, he lets us eat and then go to the locker room. I see a man, whos name is George approach the girl that was late.

"M-my name is George O'mally a-and i uh... wanted to say hello" he says awkwardly. The girl snorts but smiles.

"Meredith Grey." She introduces herself. I pause.

"THE Meredith Grey? Daughter of Ellis Grey?" I ask, slightly stunned. Meredith looks a bit dejected but nods. I sorta feel bad. People must say that all the time and never talk about her. I know that feeling.

"Sorry, lovely to meet you. Im Y/n, Y/n Y/l/n." I smile and hold out my hand. Meredith smiles and takes it.

"I believe my mom worked with your father." She says. I nod.

"They did." I beam a bit. Another girl pops into the conversation.

"Its crazy how you two work together now, like your parents did." She says. She was blonde and quite beautiful. "Im Izzy Stevens." She smiles. I nod and so does meredith. Another guy tells us to shut up. I look at his tag and it says Alex Karev.

"Dont be so prissy Karev. It wont get you very far." I say, side eyeing him. A girl sits next to me and Meredith.

"I like you two already, your not annoying." She says. Her tag says Christina Yang. I smile and in walks a short black women.

"Alright. I need Grey, O'mally, Stevens, Y/l/n, Yang, and Karev." She shouts and everyone she called walks out. I can hear her mutter something along the lines of, "too many interns." We stop walking and she looks at all of us.

"Im Doctor Miranda Bailey. I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one: Don't bother sucking up. I hate you. That's not gonna change. Trauma protocol, phone list, pagers" she points to stuff on the counter. "nurses will page you. You will answer every page at a run. A run! That's rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts 48 hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second and night until you drop, and don't complain." She says as we keeo walking. "On-call rooms. Attendings hog them. Sleep when you can where you can, which brings me to rule number three. If I'm sleeping, don't wake me unless your patient is dying. Rule four: The dying patient better not be dead when I get there. Not only will you have killed someone, you woke me for no reason. We clear?" Everyone nods, but meredith raises her hand. "Yes?"

"You said five rules. That was only four." She says. Dr. Bailey sighs and looks at her pager.

"When i move, you move." She says and her pager beeps. We all rush with her.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

By the end of the day, i have been cursed at, given weird stares, thanked, and thrown up on. I make it back to the locker room and sit down. I cant help but smile. I hear 2 voices and Meredith and Christina walk in.

"Why are you smiling?" Christina asks snarkly.

"When i came here, i thought i would wanna leave. I thought everyone would be against me. But i suppose i can tolerate you guys." I smile and i can see Meredith smiling. Even christina has a smirk on her face.

"Your sappy." Christina says with an annoyed tone. I chuckle.

Yea, maybe this wont be so bad.

[goremet-chef]

guys something completely unexpected happened!!!

i?? i dont know what fcking happened but i was downstairs and i was feeling shitty cuz i realized my mom will never see me as a man, but then i realized. only 4 people in my life call me my deadname. the OVERWHELMING majority of people i know call me dominic. my siblings, my siblings friends that i dont even know, my friends and some of their parents, EVERYONE online. like...

i stopped feeling so bad because i realized i cant change how she sees me, but what i do know is shes stuck in the past and its her choice if she wants to catch up with me, yknow? so i was giddy

and i was making some food and then her husband came downstairs and i really dont like him for several reasons but he asked me??? he said

"dom, do you want salmon for dinner?" and my brain genuinely short circuited. like. i froze and was just like "..... what?" and he asked if i wanted salmon again and just kept going like it didnt happen

so i was already incredibly offput and i walked to the other room to take a moment and i jsut STOOD there dumbfounded and then my mom came out her room and i could tell she was looking for me so to stop her from possibly calling either my deadname OR dom (i just feel very uncomfortable when she calls me dom, cuz i cant tell if she means it or not. one time it DID feel like she walk mocking me so i just. yknow)

and she said "SO." and i was likgh oughh god is she about to talk about this shit in front of her husband, cuz HES the main problem. my siblings deadname me for convenience around him cuz NONE OF US wanna deal with what he might say if they call me dom

and she said she wasnt gonna call me my deadname anymore? and she wanted to know what she should call me and i just said. everyone i know calls me dominic.

I FEEL LIKE THE MAIN CHARACTER RN DUDE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

AND she said she'd help me organize doctors appointments to finally start T what the fuck just happened!!!!! and my sibling came down and was like so moms finally gonna call you dom and im just IM STILL SAT FROZEN COMPLETELY CONFUSED like "yeah??" and he was like. i told her i been calling you that like.. thanks bestie

im completely exhausted! but good god

[tetrostaffsidereposts]

Chapter 2 November 11 Thread C

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] I feel genuinely sick to my stomach.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Whats up

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Just spoke to Dr. Tsutsujio. I think he's doing incredibly poorly.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] I think he put into perspective that I might be doing incredibly poorly as well.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] But quite frankly hearing some of the things he said coming out of the mouth of someone so young was nauseating.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] This project is going to eat us all alive.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] I wouldn't consider myself particularly parental. I don't think I'm that type of person. But having Dr. Tsutsujio practically falling to pieces in my arms jarred my mind a bit I think.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] I'm actually surprised you talked to him because most of the time you're kind of a robot sorry

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Right, well, maybe Dr. Higashigaki's philosophy is starting to leech its way into my head. "The older doctors have a responsibility to care for the younger doctors" and whatnot.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] What a good senpai

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] It just unsettles me. I *know* how he feels, Fuhato. I hate knowing that he's experiencing that so young.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] There's nothing I can do for him. That's the part that stings. I just sat there and held him and let him cry and talk. I couldn't actually fix anything.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] He basically cried and talked until he exhausted himself. He looked like a child. It scared me.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] I'm really, really scared for him.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] I feel like hes literally always in the office does he still sleep here

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Constantly. He sleeps upstairs. He never goes home.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Kind of weird where are his parents

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] I don't know. It's not my place to ask. This might be presumptuous of me, but frankly, I can't exactly commend them for a job well done. He shouldn't be here.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Idk maybe theyre just dead or something we probably shouldnt say bad stuff about them if we dont actually know

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Right. That's my bad.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Do you know how Anna is doing?

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Oh uhhhh shes good shes on trial obs rn

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] And she's still not speaking to me, I take it.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Yeah no sorry about that im guessing not

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Sorry syo

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] It's fine. I get it. I'm not angry with her.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] You don't have to talk to me either if it puts you in danger. I hope you understand that.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Shes just scared we're gonna get monitored again i promise shes still really worried about you she asks me about you a lot

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Does she?

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Also, are *you* not concerned about being monitored?

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Not really I dont think I really say anything that could get me in trouble right now

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Also if I get in trouble enough maybe theyll kill me which would probably be a big relief

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Wouldn't that be nice.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Too bad im too old to be in the killing game they actually seem like a way more enjoyable group of people to be around

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Genuinely. I could have met Chiba Airi. Instead I'm having Dr. Kuneyasu shoot elastic bands at me every time he walks by the commons.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Are you in the commons rn

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] No. Down in engineering having my desk chair steam-cleaned. They're a rowdy bunch over here.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] I want to be an engineer so bad I picked the wrong degree syo

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] They dont even have to pay me ill work here for free if i get to work with the engineering girls

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Like I know this is unprofessional but the engineering girls are genuinely the hottest women alive

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Like im sorry but if they just paid me in erita time I would take that so fast

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] That's asinine.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] No but its not just that im just being dumb she actually is a really cool person

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] We talk about when we both used to look normal and not gross

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Surely you see the irony in this.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Fuhato, if you still find her attractive after her scarring, does that not give you any sort of indication that you're *also* probably still attractive after *your* scarring?

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Im not good at replying when I get embarrassed sorry

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Genuinely though, it's lively over here. The engineering department has a very different feel about it. Energetic.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] It seems as though Dr. Higashigaki runs a very different ship.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Dr. Kitamuro and Dr. Figueiredo seem to be the odd ones out. I think the others take some sort of enjoyment out of poking at them.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] I like Kitamuro he always gives me stuff

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] We have shift overlap in the morning so every time he comes in and im already in the staff room hes like oh Daikubara here have whatever x thing from the coffee shop they gave me extra

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] I dont think they gave him extra every single day syo I just simply do not believe it

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] He brings me dinner sometimes during lates.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Higashigaki gives all the engineers brain worms that make them nice to me

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] I'm telling you. It's that whole "older doctors younger doctors" thing. She preaches it quite avidly.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] I feel a little guilty for how hard he works at his age. I just came down to borrow the steam cleaner. He offered to just do it himself. He was rather insistent.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] I cannot believe you made a man in his sixties steam clean Tamemichi's piss out of your desk chair wtf is wrong with you

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] I tried! Genuinely! He outright refused. He always does that. It was the same when I came by to get my hearing aid fixed. He went and found it himself because I didn't know where it was.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Thank you ojii for being good and for bringing me breakfast pastries every morning

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] But also he might hate me idk because he also calls me stupid every day lol

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Don't dwell on it, he calls everyone stupid. He called Mutai stupid five seconds ago.

[434334633/ Dr. Suga] Honestly, I would be lying if I said I didn't find it somewhat comforting. I personally don't have a lot of older figures in my life to speak with at the moment. He's remarkably reliable.

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Yeah no I get what youre saying one hundred percent

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] He was the one who took my shift when my dad died which he seriously just didnt need to do like an intern shift is kind of way beneath him

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] I feel like hes always checking in on me now

[294553703/ Dr. Daikubara] Oh I just got called in for some trial prep stuff gotta go later syo tell them all I said hi

[THREAD CLOSED]

[nyaandoll]

(people who know me irl literally dont tell anyone abt this istg) love how my parents reactions to seeing my self harm wasn't to ask if im okay or something, no, it was to grab me so i cant move and yell for my mom to come look at it yelling "what the fuck is that shit" repeatedly telling me to never do that again and to hit me then yell at me to go to my fucking room and have everyone constantly come in and out of my room and harrass me about it saying "act like that again and i'll take your phone, you wont see any of your friends if you act like that again" all because i got upset over being violently grabbed and yelled at. because apparently, me telling him to let go of me and that my mom already saw the scars is just the most fucked up thing ever. im sorry that i wasnt gonna let myself get yelled at and shit all because of some fucking scars. im so sorry that im just the worst stupid fucking kid you could've asked for!! sorry for doing something a depressed person would do, its almost like you literally took me to get diagnosed with depression from an actual doctor just to brush it off and say im fine because im young and i'll get better. maybe act worried next time and dont beat me for it, and while you're at it, dont call me a fatass even though i've literally been starving myself and eating so much less food recently.

[chronic-gastro-illness-culture]

cw for n* , mentions of food related issues , ableism (? and religious themes So. i have used this blog before to vent but i think i would be lying if i said this is the first time i am genuinely scared and unsure of what to do , my main 2 "big" diagnosis is that i have chronic gastritis with acid reflux and IBS , i have some other stuff but its more minor it seems ? anyways , i have been having one of the worse flare ups in my life for the past few weeks , the meds i got prescribed on my last doc appointment didn't do shit , i am waking up in pain and have to rush to the bathroom inmediately most of the days , i also feel n* as soon as i wake up , i am rarely hungry but my n* gets worse from not eating but then i try to eat and get n* mid eating and it takes me a lot of effort to finish up my meal , some days even sitting down and getting up hurts so i gotta just. lay down My mom has beef with my go to doctor and she keeps yelling at me for wanting to go see her cus i feel so misserable and out of energy and she keeps insisting im being "adoctrinated by her" and that my illness is caused by my "lack of Faith" and that i needto "open my eyes" yet she has meds prescribed by the very same doctor but she still takes them ??? so its ok for her to listen to the doctor but for me it isnt ???? so she decided shes gonna take me to a """""specialist"""" in alternative medicine , what form of alternative medicine you ask ??? buckle up the specialist uses herbal remedies (someting i already tried before and didnt work) and apparently uses the eyes iris to make their diagnosis..... like- just looking at it ......so , i went to do a quick search on this so called pseudocience and the LITERAL wikipedia page for it says that it has NO accurate and reliable scientific studies to back it up , and the studies ran to test is accuracy said its no any better than just guessing the illness by chance , but shes determined to take me there and not my doctor , i dont know what to do , my parents are desperate to find a "cure" for me and yell at me if i ever bring up my illness being chronic , but if this alternate medicine is just as effective as the other herbs and teas i've tried before then chances are i'm gonna stay just the same if not worse and i'm gonna get blamed and lashed out at (cus apparently all i need is "a positive mindset" to cure myself according to them) idk what to do , i have no money and no energy to do commissions to try get my own means to deal with my illness my own

That sounds like a really rough situation to be in.

If you’re not a minor, we suggest reaching out to your doctor on your own and let them know you’re experiencing interference from your parents. They may be willing work with you to figure out a way to get you to and from future appointments.

If you’re a minor, we don’t really know what advice to offer, I’m sorry.

It’s a horrific form of ableism to be stripped of your autonomy like that, and we hope you can get out of that situation soon, if possible.