#im beyond flabbergasted and fed up of shit its not even funny

[mik0is0bored]

Im gonna vent rq so ignore this if you want idc

So yknow how in past posts I've said my mom is rude to me (telling me to go to hell is one of the many things she's said) and is nicer to everyone in my family? So yeah basically this all happened not even five minutes ago and basically I say "mom i think I have insomnia and depression can you try and schedule an appointment with my doctor" and she starts saying "no you don't need to go to the doctor your fine" and goes off on "you don't try to sleep at night you stay up and read or draw and think about whatever the fuck you want and you don't try to sleep" like last night I stared up at my ceiling or had my eyes closed and I only got four to five hours of sleep. I tried falling asleep. But I couldn't. I fell asleep at 11:30 last night. And then she starts saying "you dont get to defend yourself" and my irl friend let's me vent abt my mom right and so my mom stops talking and says "who are you texting" nd takes my phone before I can even respond and I say "why can't I talk to my friend" saysi explain why I am and she sits there with her mouth open like shocked or whatever and then she has the audacity to say "you don't get to feel emotions" and you do, mom? You get to decide my emotions? You get to tell me how I feel? Cause you dont. You make me feel like the scum of the earth and I don't matter, but you don't get to tell me that my feelings don't matter. She accuses me of yelling, I'm not yelling. I'm loosing my voice cus I was sick and I'm full on crying cus of all this shit like bro now your standing in the doorway of the bathroom apologizing? "Clean the mascara off your face" why? So dad doesn't see I've been crying? Like sorry i don't hate her, but don't fucking tell me my emotions don't matter then tell me to do shit that'll make it seem like shit didn't happen that's fucking unacceptable and it's beyond cruel to treat your fucking kid like that. And we wonder why people have mental illness and their mental health is bad. (Not all cases, but some) have unbelievable parents who tell them all this shit, and it makes them (me included) depressed, anxious, and fucking suicidal. This has nothing to do with it but I'm scared as shit to ask for help. It took me 10 minutes in health class today to ask my instructor "I'm i citing my sources correctly?" Like that should not take someone that long to ask a stupid question. Now I'm asking for therapy (wow I'm asking for help?) And my parents are ignoring the fact I said anything