#my parents dont know intersex people exist

[when-is-tuesday]

me when parents are being homophobic transphobic aphobic biphobic nbphobic and sexist and intersexphobic

[aftonfamilyvalues]

how women on here are reacting to the boxing situation is the final straw for me with radblr tbh.

like imagine this scenario for a second: people are making false claims about you that you not only can easily disprove with a simple, uninvasive test, but you've ALREADY DONE said test in the past so you'd just need to ask them to publish the results. you can debunk these claims with the same amount of effort required to push a button.

but you don't. you have Literally The Easiest Option In The World to prove you're right and you don't do it.

and yet because women have created their own OC for this guy in their heads who is a female with androgen issues they'd rather defend their self-made blorbo as a way to peacock about how "yes all women" and/or "not racist" they are than do 2 seconds of research and critical thinking to realize "hey maybe this situation that fits literally all the criteria for the dude being a male, including the fact that he's been previously disqualified from competing in the women's league TWICE yet shows up for the Female Olympics anyway, means he's actually just a liar and cheater"

i'm open to having some sympathy for him if his parents (tried to*) raise him as a girl but like. he's a fucking adult. he took a sex test. he knows who he is now. he's making his own decisions. one of these decisions is choosing to hide who he is.

*idc how misogynistic his parents are in believing "no vagina??? but no penis. no penis = female. because female = non-male.", if they knew he had a male-specific dsd that coloured how they raised and treated him, even if they tried to hide it. the act itself of hiding it from him and trying not to raise him that way makes their treatment of him already inherently different from how they'd raise him if he were actually female.

link here

im going to try to go about this in the most respectful way possible.

i cant say i agree with everything youre saying here. theres still a lot of misinformation about this and i cant say a slatz tweet is very satisfying for me given the racist and homophobic things ive seen from her. but, if what you say is true, that this boxer is an intersex male who was assigned female at birth, i think its completely unfair to treat her entirely as a man. the community tends to regard itself as a place for intersex women too, those with this particular dsd were not spared misogyny just because they unknowingly had xy chromosomes. learning they are biologically male with a dsd doesnt mean they have a desire to completely restructure their lives and identity around being men, i think thats kind of insane to expect.

that being said, i think there needs to be a reevaluation of fairness in sports and how intersex people fall into it. what advantages or disadvantages do intersex women carrying a y chromosome have over those that dont? what male charactistics (bone density, for example) still exist in these women? do they pose a danger to other women in their sport? what about other intersex conditions? at what point does it become unfair? unfortunately it could lead to their exclusion, and if that happens will there be another place for them? theres a lot to consider and things will have to change as we learn more. its not really a black and white situation in my opinion.

[kalux-sims]

The comments on that loop of failure post were traaaaaaash. And it's all the same "groomers" shit they always try. I said it in my first Pride CC post this year, kids know who they are pretty early. That goes for eventual sexuality too, often before puberty. Crushes happen before puberty, for a lot of kids. My first crush was same-sex, on Christina Ricci in the movie Mermaids. I was 8 or 9. My parents are both fairly progressive people, so I knew what gay meant, and thought I was gay. At 8 or 9. I didn't hit puberty until I was 11. I started also liking boys around then, but Newsweek hadn't invented bisexuality yet. (Google it, if you dont know. It's very funny.) I was as confused as sheltered gay kids were.

That's why it's important to teach kids that gay and trans people exist. It's not sexualizing them or forcing anything on them. It's letting them know that cis-het isn't all there is. Because some of them aren't cis-het, no matter how hard society tries to force them to be.

Cis-het "normality" is pushed on kids before they're even born. "It's a boy!" No, it's a fetus. It's still translucent and covered in hair. It's just at the stage where its genital bud has started to differentiate enough that you can tell on ultrasound. It might still be intersex in ways you can't see until it's born. Then he's born into a world where he's instantly dressed in blue, given a masculine name, masculine toys...all of that. The first time he plays with a girl he isn't related to, he'll hear "Aww, you have a little girlfriend!" It's pretty gross, sexualizing a toddler, but it's apparently ok if it's done to enforce heterosexuality. (It's not ok. It makes kids uncomfortable, once they're old enough to notice it.)

[meetthesoldier]

hi i gotta know abt ur matt thoughts. i am so down to hear anyone's matt thoughts any time

thank you for asking anon i love matt i love talking about matt heis so fucking goofy. heres a complimentary doodle before the headcanon dump

obligatory queer hc list . asexual, aromantic... considers himself above human concepts of gender. also as an extra thing hes intersex lawl

externally resembles a mishmash of a human and some bird-characteristics but internally is kind of erm. gross? doesnt have quite as many organs as hes supposed to yknow. less bones than the average person. darker blood than youre meant to have. nobody can figure out exactly what the hell is goin on w him because whenever anyone asks he just says something akin to "wouldnt you like to know, weatherboy"

doesnt have parents. like at all. just popped into existence one day fully formed. have you ever seen a star be born? its like that. hes a star. marvel at his being.

npd swag (everyone loves him :.-}!)

smokes HELLA weed. used to being lectured for it since he doesn't even bother to step outside 99% of the time

TERRIBLE at dancing. likes to do it when hes alone but refuses to do it in front of anyone else cus hes not risking the blow to his ego that is people pointing out that he dances like every white boy ever

despite oscars claims that he stifles his immense sexual appeal, the two actually start hanging out a decent bit after 3s ending. this is definitely because i think theyd have a lot of comedic chemistry and NOT me being biased for random minor characters being besties (lie)

listens to a lot of tv girl, car seat headrest, dazey and the scouts... fuckin virgin (joke at my own expense mostly)

"wow this place is a freakshow. i literally dont respect any of you"

urghhhh ive probably said a million other words abt him at some point but these are myy favorite thoughts of him

[dykeotomy]

Hi!! It's me again!! Re: the ask I sent you long ago about gender sex & pronouns/similarities between libfem & radfem ideology

Logistically pronouns do equal gender, but I think it's the fact of us being able to use certain pronouns while not being that gender: (drawing from personal experience here so maybe this isnt a very valid argument) I for example enjoy being called a he and I really like being confused with a man mainly because it reaffirms my masculinity. As a gnc woman my masculinity being recognized this way is one of the happiest feelings I can get from social interactions & I bet that for many people it's like that too: they enjoy their femininity/masculinity/androgyny being recognized and being so present in how others view them, so going by different pronouns that dont equate your gender is like extending that feeling to almost every interaction you have & not just punctual ones. I feel like pronouns when used in this way are just a way to make us feel a little happier with ourselves.

When talking about an ideal world I feel like a lot of trans people would agree with you (specially non binary people in my experience they are the ones that advocate the most for gender abolition) masculinity/femininity should not make you less of a man/woman (and lets be honest trans people are the first ones to say that femininity≠womanhood/masculinity≠manhood) and it was never about that. It was simply that man is associated with masculinity and woman with femininity and since he/him are the male pronouns they are today associated with masculinity (at least thats the way it feels to me)

I believe the main reason trans people get dysphoria from gender roles is BECAUSE gender itself is associated with femininity/masculinity. I truly believe that if gender roles did not exist a part of dysphoria caused by gender roles would completely disappeared too: then the only dysphoria felt would be related to your biology

(Expanding on this: I dont believe dysphoria is solely caused by society as you believe because to me gender is simply how your brain registers itself: you just *know* you aren't a cat because your brain registers itself as a human. I believe a similar thing happens with gender: your brain registers itself as a man/woman/other and because your body doesnt reflect that it causes distress probably born from the confusion of your brain *thinking* it is male and your body telling it it's female and I think this extends today to social roles. If these were not to exist I dont think trans people would feel dysphoria from wearing a dress or a suit or engaging in certain activities etc. You'd still have the problem of terms like man/woman not feeling right cause in this perfect world they only refer to biology and a trans person's brain would still be confused by these words because it deeply believes its female/male. Another reason I believe transness as a concept doesnt uphold gender stereotypes inherently is the existence of gnc trans people. I think they just demonstrate that transness is born from dysphoria which is just your brain not connecting properly with the reality of your body)

I didn't pretend to ignore that abortion rights are being taken away from females & intersex people deliberately because we have historically been a medically oppressed group I just wanted to point out that this is a time of desperation for us and we should ignore our differences for the time being in the name of the greater good: for me this is why I believe things like queer discourse (aka asexuals being part/not part of the queer community, the whole pansexuality is biphobic debate, queer being used as an umbrella term mspec lesbians etc etc etc) should be topics to discuss once we've accomplished total equality. Of course most of us won't get to see the day where no one has to sit their parents or family and tell them they are gay and can simply bring their partner home one day and no one batting an eye, but we need to think about the greater good for the community: we need to stop the infighting and come together to overthrow heteronormativity & the same goes for feminism I believe that as of now we shouldn't stop and think about anyone's genitals and simply accept all help whether it comes from trans people or not.

I understand your argument about trans men having removed themselves from female spaces, but I think this is more an issue of bodily autonomy more than trans activism: females with dysphoria who took their own decision to transition being denied of their right to keep taking their own informed decisions and I think thats more of the current society's fault than trans activism because they dont advocate for males/females being denied of sex-specific medical care. The only group denying that are the oppressive systems and their aversion towards females making decisions on their own and taking advantage of their own biology (because really why would you adopt when you can already biologically get pregnant? I think this is just females who are comfortable enought with it making use of their biology while still being awarder the right of other respecting the decisions they made with their bodies aka transitioning) -L.A.

as a gnc woman i also get excited when people comment on my androgyny—i remember being a child and an old lady thought i was a boy and it didn’t bother me at all. i really don’t have a problem with people who like being confused for the opposite gender; i think it’s a non-issue. my main concern with pronouns is when we are actively having discussion that are about sex/gender/oppression/sexuality, and pronouns equating to sex are relevant and important

i don’t think trans and nonbinary people who advocate for gender abolition understand what gender abolition really is—either that, or we just have very different ideas of what it looks like. i have seen many trans people say that masculinity/femininity don’t make you less of a woman or man, but this means nothing when they can’t accurately describe what womanhood or manhood ARE. i have no interest in someone saying “a trans woman who doesn’t go on hormones, isn’t feminine, and doesn’t change their wardrobe is still a valid woman bc femininity does not equal womanhood” because nothing about that person’s material reality changed. how can someone be a “valid woman” if womanhood isn’t based in ANYTHING according to these people?

i don’t think gnc trans people prove much other than transness being influenced by social pressure many times. how many gnc people have just given up one day and decided it’d be easier to just live as the opposite gender because being gnc is hard? there’s so many stories like this. it’s really sad imo.

on actual sex dysphoria: mental illnesses should be treated as mental illnesses. i saw someone once compare sex dysphoria to body dysmorphia and it really resonated with me as someone who has an ED. nobody every tried to feed into my delusions about my body because they knew it was bad for me, even though confronting reality made me extremely upset. over time, it got easier. i don’t think there will ever be a day that i don’t find something about my body to nitpick, but my thoughts are manageable and no longer take over my whole existence. i feel as though sex dysphoria should be treated the same. somebody’s brain registering themselves as the incorrect sex does not give them the right to declare that they ARE that sex, because it is simply and factually incorrect. i think these people need genuine, empathetic medical care to get better rather than just being pumped full of hormones and told lies

i think most infighting is stupid but also inevitable. it’s human nature to discuss and debate every single thing that we find worthy of our attention. if it’s not productive discussion, it’s still gonna happen. of course i think that we should be able to put aside our difference in opinions in smaller fights to be able to come together for things that really matter in terms of life/death, but that doesn’t make smaller topics less important when the time is right. i don’t want to have to constantly be debating life altering things. sometimes i do find ace discourse interesting. yes i said it. yes im chronically online. i do see the irony in this

thanks for the ask :)

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

[beaopalmoon]

lordy, what a busy week. i’m covering kim’s shifts so i’ll have some overtime hours.

this new manager managed to push another employee’s buttons to the point that they quit. they’re the only other non-cis employee, and she made a stink about refusing to call them by their preferred name, so after that, the GM told me today that she’s going to talk to her, and if she doesn’t promise to change how she talks to and about us, she’s got to go.

i’ve known that the GM was going to talk to her on wednesday. i had to go in the store earlier for unrelated reasons, and the GM approached me to talk about all this. i told her that i would like to come in before the end of her shift so that i can hear what the details are, and she asked if i would like to talk to this new manager with her. considering we’ve only spoken once, and it was all about the job, i said yes.

i’m very willing to try to talk reason in to someone that has a bigoted perspective if they’re at least willing to be civil, because i know that people like this only care about minority groups if someone in their social circle is of a particular demographic. that this lady wants to burn bridges immediately is concerning, but i would rather give her a chance to change before i demand that we not work on the same shifts or threaten to quit.

i’m not a confrontational person at all. i’m not one to immediately label someone that could be ignorant or ill informed an *ist or a *phobe until they’re presented with facts and continue to behave poorly.

my situation is an abnormal one too, but i hope that it gives this manager the perspective to better understand anyone that doesnt conform to cisgender expectations. because i’m intersex, i have physical and psychological sex ambiguity that has motivated me to pursue transitioning for my health and safety, and for some cis people, that makes sense, and has the possibility to open them up to the idea of not making assumptions about other trans ppl.

sooo tomorrow will be Interesting.

THAT SAID... there are a few coworkers i have that still slip up when referring to me. they nearly always correct themselves, and now that my voice has started dropping, its less frequent. i’m okay with that because they always call me Gregg, and though they knew my legal name, they have since forgotten it.

all the same, they’ve been extremely kind and supportive of me through this.

i had considered asking a few ppl that i got along with well what they thought about me and trans people in general, but i definitely dont have to worry about that now. if this manager has done one good thing, her bullshit has given me complete trust in the staff.

i even feel more comfortable talking to my parents about this now. they’ve been worried about me as i came out and started taking testosterone, but they have never been rude about it. now, because i’ve told them about this clown and how she’s negatively impacting people, i have had the chance to explain to them that i am no less their daughter, i’m just also their son too.

they never made me feel like i couldn’t do what i wanted to because of my sex, i was allowed to express myself however i wanted as i grew up, but my mom was concerned that she would be made to feel bad if she talked about how or who i was when i was a child by upsetting me with the name or pronouns i used to have.

i got to reassure her that i’m still her child. telling her that if anything, i would compare my feelings on my gender to how the native americans had two-spirit people. because of her heritage, she seemed most comforted by that idea, and otherwise lamented that it was a shame that i felt that i have to present strictly as a man to feel safe, and not just be allowed to exist as i naturally am. i completely agree! i think anyone that may relate to me should not be harassed and shoe-horned in to one presentation or the other!

however, i do still take testosterone for my health, because estrogen/progesterone actively make me feel ill and i do need some manner of hormone supplement in order to function. so the longer i am on this medication, the more i will appear and present as masculine.

it’s been a huge relief to be able to say all this to my parents and have them not feel as much like i’m pressuring them to get me. instead they feel like i’m giving context to why this issue at work is taking more of my free time, and that i am fully comfortable talking about what’s on my mind and what’s going on in my life with them.

AND i have therapy and an appointment with my gender health specialist next week, so there’s gonna be SO MUCH to talk about!!

[nerdygaymormon]

Lately I have been feeling very worried about my sister's kids. They are getting older and I want to be able to let them know they can talk to me about things they aren't comfortable asking their parents about. This is especially true about queer issues. I want to let them know that being queer is normal and beautiful. The problems is, I'm sure if I even told them that queer people exist I'd be cut out of their lives. My sister is very homophobic. (Continued)

When another sister (B) came out to her as gay, she literally told her that she didn't know if she wanted her around the kids any more. These kids adore her and before that, sister A would gush about how good she was with them. Sister B told her to think about what sort of message that would send the kids if one of them was gay and that's all I heard from that. Sister A has not cut off sister B and has been happy for her to gonin trips/spend weekends with them (continued)

But I still worry. Before this, Sister A would go on very long anti-queer rants it seemed every time we got together. I don't know what sort of things she is teaching her kids but she is very hard and fast with mormon teachings, to the point where she refuses to get a job even though she is more qualified than her husband, and he can't hold one and they are constantly going on assistance because "the church teaches that the woman's place is in the home" (continued)

So even though she hasn't cut off my other sister for being gay, I dont think she would be understanding/forgiving/anything but furious if I told my nieces/nephews about lesbian, gay, bi, ace people in a positive way. I can't imagine the storm I'd go through if I said anything about trans, non-binary or intersex people! I've been educating myself on queer issues (though I have a long way to go and I still dont understand most of it) but i worry for them. (Continued)

My oldest nephew especially already has a lot of severe emotional and social problems, and I really, really qorry that if any of these nieces/nephews are queer, they won't be able to tell anybody in the family without fear of abandonment. Having sister B out helps but I am darn sure that sister A hasn't told the kids/won't tell the kids. With the suicide rates of queer youth, especially in the chuch, I am worried if one or more of them are queer. (Contined)

I'm bi so I would have a pretty darn good opening to talk to sister A about these things. Maybe show her statistics. I dont know if she would listen to me. And I dont know how much I could actually push and still be welcomed in their lives. I have a very, very strained relationship with her husband which had strained my relationship with her too. I just dont know what to do. I dont want these kids to feel so alone like I did as I came to terms with my sexuality. (Continued)

It's just messy and complicated and I dont know how much trust to give my sister. I don't know how much of my fear is valid. I've talked with sister B about it and she agrees with me, that talking to the kids about queer issues would be a fast track to being cut off. But as I was writing this, I think I've realized that I need to talk with sister A about it. Try to teach her. I don't know. Do you have suggestions? (End)

———————————————————————  

I appreciate the concern and love you have for your nieces and nephews. 

Also, I don’t think sneaking around your sister’s back is a good move, either. If she finds out and feels you were trying to undermine her parental role, that’s a fast track pass to being cut out of the life of her kids. 

The way Sister A adjusted when Sister B came out is positive. 

I think Sister A would appreciate a more open, honest approach. Let her know that you’re bi. As part of that you can share how hard it was to come to terms with this in a household where these topics were not discussed. 

I wouldn’t do this in the same conversation where you come out, but it’s worth finding out if her kids know that Sister B is gay. And you can also express your desire that they know you are bi, and ask permission to share that, or if she has some other preference in how to let her kids know. 

One thing you could share is how Elder Christofferson’s parents reacted when his older brother came out as gay. The circle of family’s love was unbroken. His brother Tom and partner were included in family gatherings. The message the kids got is that there is nothing that will stop their parents from loving them. They can talk about hard things and still be embraced. 

Simply by being honest, your nieces and nephews will know they can talk with you about hard things. 

[luke-skywalker-is-trans]

For the trans ask game, can I cheat and just say all of them.. because I am a very curious person and I want to know it all (or just the ones you feel like doing!)

Aaah yay thank you!!! I really loved this ask memeHow did you choose your name?So I had been using a different name for like a year when I first came out and I just wasn’t feelin it y’know??? Jason is close to my dead name so I knew my parent would appreciate that cause they love my dead name a lot. But also (and this is dumb forgive me) Jason Todd and Jason Grace were characters that I loved and identified with and I just sorta felt drawn to the name :)What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)Uuuuugh 100% how short I am 🙄 I hate it so muchDo you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? Physical :P I’m short with a phat ass and thicc thighs and it’s a messWhat do you do to perform self-care when you're feeling dysphoric?This is probably more aggressive than typical self care but I force myself I stare at myself in a mirror and find every masculine thing about myself and focus on thatWhat was the first time you suspected you were transgender?I was around 7 I think and I was at the lake with my parents and a bunch of their friends. So my mom and all the wives were at the front of the boat and my dad and all the husbands were off the back of the boat! For some reason I identified a lot more with the men of the group and I have this weirdly clear memory of being really jealous of their armpit hairWhen did you realize you were transgender?I didn’t have a word for it but there was an episode of House where a little “girl” came in because of abdominal pain or something and they found out the kid was intersex and gave them the choice to live as a boy because of their genitals being more “male” or whatever and they did it! And I remember watching that as a kid and hoping that I would wake up one day and have a penis or a doctor would one day be like oh whoops! We messed up! You’ve been male this whole time! I was probably like 8 or 9 when that happenedWhat is your favorite part of being transgender?Belonging to a community where we are all united by this similar experience :) it’s like a familyHow would you explain your gender identity to others?I’m a guy like 100% How did you come out? If you didn't come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?I slowly came out over a few years. I sat my mom down and told her and we cried and it was a mess, I sent my dad and step mom a 80+ slide PowerPoint, I sent emails to certain people! Fortunately I’ve never been outedWhat have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?I ordered a packer a few years ago and it was so bulky and awkward and I just looked like I had a huge boner so I never worse it again 😂What are your experiences with binding or tucking?I’ve been binding since high school and my ribs are a little warped because of it :P luckily my chest is already pretty small (like a cup small) so I’ve gotten away with not binding in public if I just wear a big hoodie or shirt. Do you pass?About 99% of the time I do! But every once in a while I get called ma’am and I wanna dieWhat (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?I want top surgery so bad I wanna screamHow long have you been out?For about 8 years :)What labels have you used before you've settled on your current set?Ugh all of them basically! Lesbian, gay, pan, ace, bi. I’m the entire acronym lolHave you ever experienced transphobia?God yes 🙄 I had a boss at a job in college who would dead name me constantly and when I’d correct him he said if I wanted to “play make believe” I could do it on my own timeWhat do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?I’ve been exclusively using the men’s room for about 4 years nowHow does your family feel about your trans identity?Well I haven’t spoken to my mom in 3 or 4 years soooooooooBut my dad is cool with it!!Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?I don’t think I know what this meansWhat do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? I wish I could just tell my self what being trans is cause my biggest problem as a kid was that I just had no idea this existed Why do you use the pronouns you use?I use he/him because they’re traditionally masculine or male and they make me feel like a man :)Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?Sometimes my anxiety is like lmao you’re faking for attention or whatever and I’m like ???? I’m literally not What's your biggest trans-related fear?Being killed first off. But on a less extreme level, I’m terrified of being with a person romantically and they just treat me like a girl or like I’m not a real boy and tbh this has already happened to me a couple times. I just don’t want it to happen againWhat medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?I’ve been on T for three years now, I’ve been going my Jason for about 6 years, I present as male 100% of the time and in all of my work and school stuff everyone calls me jason and uses he/himWhat do you wish cis people understood?That I was never a girl, I wasn’t “born a girl” and then became a boy. I was born a boy but because of my body people just assumed I was a girl but I wasn’t and never was and never will be. Also you don’t have to be bi or pan to be attracted to me. If you’re attracted to men you can be attracted to meWhat impact has being trans affected your life?I’ve lost most of my family and I’m low key terrified all the time about being hurt or rejected because of itWhat do you do to validate yourself?Same mirror thing lolHow do you feel about trans representation in media?Well most of it is hell problematic and we deserve so much better. As a trans actor it especially pisses me offWho is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?I read Chaz Bono’s book my freshman year of high school and it really helped me understand a lot of things when I was first coming outHow are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?Not as much as I would like to be :(How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years? Hopefully by then I’ll have had top surgery! Still presenting and identifying the way I do nowWhat trans issue are you most passionate about?Free or affordable access to medical transition stuff like hormones and surgeries. Also as an actor trans representation in the mediaWhat advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?No one is worth your comfort. If someone stops loving you because of your identity then they don’t love YOU they love their idea of youHow do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?I’m thin and white and I recognize my privilege with thatWhat, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?I love makeup and “feminine” fashion and shit like thatDo you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?Masculine but I love fem things so 🤷🏻‍♂️What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?I’m bi with a leaning towards men! I dunno it’s kinda whateverIs your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference? I’ve dated two trans people and one cis persona and I totally preferred dating trans people just because they understand feeling cis people just dontHow did/do you manage waiting to transition? God it was horrible. I found my diary from when I was like 17/18 and all it was was me talking about how if I don’t get to transition I’d dieWhat is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things? Tumblr probably, also Twitter. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?I have one whole trans friend that I actively talk to :’) but I really value her friendship so muchAre you involved in any trans-related activism?Currently no but when I move to New York I plan on being more involved!Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.When I came out to my dad I slept for 9 hours and he said it was like I could finally breath relax and rest after holding everything in for so long

[stillwooozy]

im tired of people being elitist about covid shit and just ... judgemental. Im talking about you, paul. imagine if he found this blog. he’d be like “oh yea thats my bestie” in a heartbeat tbh. Doesnt know about ‘kin shit but... its really not far off. altho he doesnt give a shit about anime. i should make him watch aot but he would probably hate it. Also idk if even watches tv shows. I rarely do either but i think i can force him. I forced my sister & it took.... since 2013? to be fair, she was 12, & i showed her the first episode were my mom was eaten.... and she like “NOPE TRAUMA” and avoided it until 2 months ago. so yea next time i see paul for a while i’ll get him to watch aot. For the sole reason....... he will see Eren and go “thats you bro” in the worst way possible. i have a shirt - basically cosplay old fashioned ya know the one eren wears but in the current off-white color. And he was kinda joking, but not really, we were at some boho shop in southern FL and he was like “this looks like something you’d wear”. Which I was like 🥺🥺🥺 thank u for the validation uwu and then bought the shirt & made fun of him for pointing it out funny part is i dont wear... medieval shit? like that? i dont rly wear boho hippy shit. i wear the same hoodie i’ve worn since middle school.... honestly shameful. but washers exist & i had an old roommate (damn it feels forever ago i lived in boystown) and she was good at sewing. also i had no money then. i still have none now but i reconciled stuff w/ my family to an extent so my grandparents buy me clothes so to be clear i dont look like a hobo at all. when i choose not too.

I tried to dress nice around paul for a bit to ~seduce~ him but now im like. im wearing my crusty hiking pants that are actually my moms old clothes & a hoodie & that one carhart beanie i bought w/ you in Michigan 3 yrs ago. #fashion.

And now hes fucking bisexual & nonbinary????????????? .... after going to LA for 2 months & meeting a not gay twink 😔 Altho that was after i lost total interest in him as i got to know his personality better

Bro my cousin came out, yea the one named Zeke not a fake name like Paul is cuz Paul has a weird name so... wont share, anyways Zeke is now trans mtf but also he’s fucked on meth atm so like :/ no judgement. Ill see him in the summer & i’ll be there for her but... idk.

I mean im recently “out” on this blog that i’m not “not actually cis” but intersex. but i dealt w/ that shit long ago & hate thinking about & it doesnt impact my life at all so i’m lucky - i know. i just.. im not really cis, i’m not really trans, my parents hate me for it cuz im burden. Sorry i got all their worst traits combined. I want to say one of em is not actually my bio parent but i look so much alike both of them. But also all jewish people look alike. Everyone thinks paul is my brother, we’re not related... at all.

[thathumanwiththecatears]

its the night after my birthday rn as im starting to type this, and i have no idea if i will actually finish this tonight and post it or not so just for reference to see how long it takes me to talk about this its currently 1:43 am on 2/5/18 and everything id under the cut because its very long.

so, i want to talk about literally everything going on in my head about gender, and im not gonna leave anything out, not even the stuff that i would normally be really afraid to talk about on here cause i just need to put everything down in words. 

I currently identify as a genderfluid person who leans more on the masculine side. and just for clarification i will say i also call myself trans, trans masc, nonbinary, and genderqueer. I discovered that i was genderfluid in 2015 and i have been happy with that label ever since, of course with the normal self questioning every genderfluid person goes through. 

for kind of a while but mostly recently, i have started wondering if i am possibly also intersex. for anyone who doesnt know what that means: its when you are born with ambiguous sex traits, so that can mean a lot of things like different hormones and genitals and stuff. so apparently, most people who are born intersex dont actually know, and neither do their parents, because if there is anything physically “out of the ordinary” you could say, they will just do a surgery to fix it first. 

now one thing that made me think this was the fact that i have a hormone imbalance. and i havent actually looked into anything that much to even know if that is a sign of it, but what i do know is i was told to take birth control to fix it and i can not stand how it makes me feel. It feels wrong, sometimes it almost feels like my body fights with it too and like i have more testosterone because of it trying to counteract it. again none of this is scientific, i literally dont know how this shit works and feel free to tell me i am an idiot. There are also 2 other reasons i think this but im actually rethinking the posting literally everything cause im too uncomfortable posting about those two so im gonna not talk about them, but feel free to make up your own idea if you so choose, you will probably be wrong.

things that i had before starting birth control were: hair on legs and under arms growing really fast, i smelled worse, i will say i had a stronger libido, i had long dark hairs that would grow from under my chin and neck (not extremely noticeable but they were there), some hair on my tummy, and a few hairs occasionally grew in between my tiddies, and i had a VERY messed up menstrual cycle like i very rarely had periods. there are more things but at this time i cant think of anymore. these things have all like not stopped but chilled i guess, and i almost hate it?? which is one of the things that is making me more interested in trying to go on T. 

There are many things i want from T but also so many things i am afraid of. i will mention the stuff im afraid of first cause i honestly feel like that is an easier list for me to talk about. so big big one, is my hair, i am terrified to lose my hair. so much of my self confidence comes from my hair its not even funny. i rely so much on my hair. people always question if im drawing myself when i draw characters because all of them have hair extremely similar to my own, but i just love this hair, i always have, and the fact that i actually get to have this hair on my head makes me incredibly happy. 

another thing im less concerned about but a bit is my voice. i know that that is like one of the main things trans guys usually want to change but i like my voice. i like how it sounds, and i like to sing. im afraid of what my voice will sound like after, im afraid i will hate it, and the thing is, that isnt reversible, if i go on T and my voice changes and i dont like it, i cant just stop T and have it go back. that is a permanent change, same with the hair. the things im most afraid of are the permanent things so im very afraid of it.

face shape changing is one thing im on the fence about, on one hand i think it would be nice, but also, i like my face shape, or at least the face shape i pretend to have in selfies, but I also use makeup to make it more masculine and i love how that looks and wish it could really look like that. Because of the fact that im genderfluid not a trans man makes it so much harder. 

things i think would be fantastic though, a big one for me is getting rid of periods, and i know that can be done by other things but it is deff a huge plus to this too, you see I got really used to not having them like ever, and now i have them every month, and i cant stand it. this is also gonna be really gross but whatever, i dont even like, do anything sometimes. i will just free bleed, if im home, if im wearing one of the pairs of pajama pants that i know always wash out all the blood then i just dont bother with anything, i have a short and not too heavy period so i dont even ever bleed completely through the pants either, so it just kinda works. its just so annoying and i hate that i have to deal with it now. 

another thing is weird to some but body hair growth, some people hate it but i kinda like it sometimes, and if i decide i dont i can just shave it off and everything is great. also beards, i love beards, and judging by my family and the fact that my face tries to grow hairs without T tells me i can deff grow one. and again if i decide i dont want it i can just shave it off. 

body fat migration, to make me have a less feminine body, and muscle growth, are both things that on my fat ass body i dont think would make too much of a difference quite honestly, but would i be pumped to look less feminine and be able to get more muscle if i actually worked out? HELL YEAH. and im just gonna slip this lil thing in here i like the idea of the uh,,, growth, that happens else where but just my body changing like that makes me happy, i know for a fact that i want to get my chest removed because its extremely annoying and gives me dysphoria, and quite honestly my tits are fucking ugly, i dont care how body positive i want to be and how i support any other person with large breasts, mine are so fucking ugly i have hated them since they grew in.

there are a ton of tiny things too that change that i want and like also just the fact of having those hormones in my body would make me feel normal. estrogen doesnt make me feel right. it makes me feel like something is wrong with me, and like i have taken away a part of myself. i dont know how to describe it, but that “hormone imbalance” felt more “right” to me than this. i feel like im messed up now. 

im just conflicted. I want to be happy, I want to feel okay in my body, but right now i dont, and i also dont know if being on T would fix it, or give me irreversible side effects that i can never fix and leave me feeling the same way. I honestly just feel like i would be better with my “imbalance” cause that was the most normal i have felt. but apparently thats not “healthy” 

literally like the main thing here is im not a trans man, and im not a cis woman, and yeah i lean more on masculine, but will i regret doing things to my body that actually make me physically closer to being male. i dont know, and there is no way to find out without really regretting it. but im just not happy how i currently am either, so it just makes it so hard. there is like no way for me to be happy like this, i just dont even want to have a human body, i would rather exist as just a formless entity that has no male or female traits. 

this post didnt even help me figure stuff out. im still just as confused. I just want to be able to live as a man but keep my voice and hair, if i could do that i think i would be 100% ready to go on T. and these are such petty things and i feel so bad about being caught up on them cause trans men talk about how they are afraid to lose their hair but say how its worth it to them. and i feel so bad that i dont know if it is worth it for me. like i dont deserve to transition if i dont think its worth it.

it has been an hour now. and i think im done now. but i might post about this again.

[theknightgwaine]

something i don’t talk about and is probably oversharing and maybe doesn’t make sense but gives me a lot of pain (you can skip to the bolded part at the end, because the rest is just wordy backstory shit that makes up a whole lot of my fucked up existence but isn’t really an important part of this post)

specifically this is about my gender and my need to (or not to) present or be validated as anything other than a female.

I appear (for the most part, unless you’re maybe not cis or used to NB styling that make people ask pronouns if they’re In The Know) to be a female person.

When I was young I wore skirts up until the age of five or so when I started school and wore my little blue and white checkered dress for three days in a row before someone asked me why I wore the same dress for three days. I answered that it was my only comfortable dress and then they asked “why don’t you wear pants?” and I was BAFFLED. I had no idea I was allowed to wear pants. My mom didn’t wear pants, and quite frankly the concept that I was able to wear pants meant I wore ONLY pants until I was in 5th grade and my grandmother convinced me to wear a skirt to my first ever band concert.

At this time, at 5 years old I saw my first penis. Up until this point the idea that Boys were “different” than Girls didn’t really click (except for the dress thing which I had just assumed was a fact I made up and that girls who wore dresses just didn’t know that they didn’t have to and that the boys I knew were just let in on that secret early in life). Then my friend brought me into his home’s bathroom and pulled down his pants, under the belief that I would in fact ‘show him mine’ if he ‘showed me his’. I was again BAFFLED by what I saw and MORTIFIED that I didn’t have a penis, so I ran out of the room and hid in his garage for at least ten minutes, totally spooked.

My dog, Penny, was a cocker spaniel with a docked tail, and that fact connected with my lack-of-penis to equal that someone had CUT OFF MY PENIS. I had no idea why someone would do this. Luckily, within weeks my mother gave me The Talk (not a good talk, mind you, a really basic & abstract talk) which gave me vital information: I had a vagina, and no one had cut my penis off.

Around this time, I began having a re-occurring nightmare. The nightmare centered around a factory where there were a bunch of little kids, all naked, and their genitals were getting cut off. The genitals would then travel via conveyor belt to other little children and then would be attached to said children. This dream ended with me getting a vagina attached to my body. I would usually be in a full state of panic upon waking. (this is how my nightmares work, I freeze up, and my head hurts and i feel my heart race- just like how my panic attacks present).

The dreams continued until I was in 7th or 8th grade (around the end of puberty for me). There were other things I presented during that time all of which were dealt with Very Badly by my parents.

Around the beginning of puberty(4th-6th grade) I became extremely depressed, by 7th grade I was actively suicidal and heavily drug dependent to get through my day to day life (I do not mean prescribed drugs, I mean 20+ pain killers taken over the course of each day so that I could not THINK enough to be miserable at school). I tried cutting but I liked the pills better (I feel like this leads people to believe that I didn’t really self harm, but I did... just as quietly as possible).

During this time I dissociated regularly, I experienced horrific gender dysphoria that lead to self hatred and more depression and a horrendous body image issue. I wrote multiple letters to help blogs on the internet - ALL of which told me that my dissatisfaction with my body was because of puberty, that I just wasn’t USED to looking how I did. I remember watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where a young ‘girl’ found out that their health issues were being caused by the fact that they were, in fact, intersex and had testes. The character, George, helped HIM cut his hair and present more masculine. THIS WAS ALL I WANTED. I was shocked that it could be so easy. And so I began to pray as hard as possible (at, you know, the age of 12) that I would PLEASE get sick and PLEASE actually be a boy.

Yeah, no such luck. At this point, I still didn’t really know that trans people existed (or, I did, I just figured it was only Trans Women who existed because I had seen Priscilla, Queen of the Desert like 198347 times and Bernadette was my all time favorite character and I just wanted her to be happy- still feel this way). And either way, the idea that I was trans didn’t connect in my head.

And then, my friend came out as a lesbian.

And then, that same friend came out as a trans-boy.

And then, I didn’t know what to do anymore, because HOLY SHIT yes that made sense, I was that, I was that too! But, unfortunately, my anxiety was taking full reins of my life and I was convinced that if I had the same sort of revelation that I would be stealing that from my friend. At this same time I was reading a lot of fanfiction and I was trying really hard to convince myself that the reason I was feeling like maybe I was meant to be a boy was just because I read a lot of “slash” fiction. (SPOILER: I was reading a lot of slash fiction because I didn’t identify with any females in fiction so if I were to read romance I just couldn’t identify with the female characters and god if het-fanfiction doesn’t just want you to identify with female characters)

And I came out to my friends as asexual (in 8th grade) and not much later I wondered if I was lying because I wasn’t sex-repulsed so then I came out to my friends as pansexual. And I never once during highschool came out to them as Trans because I still felt as if I would somehow be stealing that identity from someone else, because I still felt that somehow I was not “As Trans” as he was and was therefore a Liar.

So, thanks to tumblr (like seriously, who knew I would be thanking this hellsite), I got some more information about gender identity and felt the courage to “come out” (to my friends ONLY) and not once have I asked any of them to refer to me by my preferred name or my preferred pronouns. And it’s not because I don’t feel that those pronouns or my name are important. It’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I CARE SO FUCKING MUCH THAT I CAN’T BRING MYSELF TO GET THE COURAGE TO EVER ASK THAT OF THEM. I CANT BRING MYSELF TO GET MY HOPES UP THAT THEY WOULD DO IT BECAUSE WHAT IF THEY DON’T. AND HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO HANDLE IT IF THEY DO AND MY FAMILY STILL DOESNT IF STRANGERS DON’T DO IT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THAT KIND OF DENIAL

i would rather never ask that then be disapointed and denied it

if i dont ask for people to call me by my name and my pronouns then i cannot be refused that respect and i won’t have to deal with that disappointment

i cannot let myself want that sort of validation because i honestly dont think i can handle being refused it and i dont know what i would do