#my other theory is that yall just hate women

[chuuzmii]

While im on a roll i might as well talk about how tiktok 911 fans think buck cheating doesn't count. And ik what ur saying "Michu tiktok fans really? U shouldn't talk about their opinions cus their brain stems look like swiss cheese!!" Ik tumblr user and i understand but i still want to talk about it.

Anyway so like tiktok fans are saying buck kissing lucy doesn't count as cheating because "Lucy fed him alcohol and got him drunk then sa'd him" and like ik buck has a history of sa. That thing with the therapist was so fucking icky and genuinely made me concerned with the writers because like wtf?? How did u think thT was okay??? so like i get it but i think sometimes u guys sort of .. woe is me buck a little bit to make him the Squeaky Clean White Boy™ because Lucy did not force feed Buck drinks what the fuck. Literally canonically we only see her give him maybe one or two drinks the rest of the time he's drinking with EVERYONE? and we have seen buck belligerently drunk and he was not that there. I also find this crazy because when he retracted consent LUCY LET HIM? Like i feel like some of u guys just have this deep need to villify every woman that comes into contact with eddie and buck and its weird. Some of u guys have some real internalized misogyny to work through brother. Buck cheated. Its okay. Buck could punch an old lady in the head and i promise i wouldnt gaf. But some ppl just HAVE to have buck be perfect and pure so they just make up the worst shit they can about the 911 women its so strange and baffling

[lovemyromance]

I have a little rant lol.

In general, the entire acotar fandom is immature and toxic (I honestly think its gotten so bad since nesta's book came out). Most of these people are grown women and men arguing back and forth about characters and ships. It's bad enough that its been going on for years that its sad. "I'll laugh at the elriels or gwnyriels or the eluciens if their ship isnt endgame" Do the people who say that realize how embarrassing they are? Many people are going to have good and terrible theories but bashing people and harassing people over fictional characters is just immature. I also hate when they say "its that [insert ship] the one who is being the most toxic and weird" NO. its all of you. None of us know who is going to be endgame no matter the theories you have or anything. YOU DONT KNOW. So, please, can we stop this already? its getting annoying and weird. This fandom has made it incredibly difficult to know who the next book is going to be about when its right in front of their eyes. Sarah has not made it impossible to know who the next will be about and I think thats why shes been so quiet about because everyone is being so aggressive about this ship war. I just know the moment she announces the couple, she'll get a ton of hate when its not even her fault because people love to twist her words on paper and thinks she's probably doing that but it could mean a whole other thing. Yall have let theories get to your head and twisted words so much that I think it's incredibly unhealthy for all of you to be acting this way. Stick with who you ship or love and of course, you can have beautiful theories, but toxicity is not necessary. No need to go back and forth about who is the real "endgame".

I mean yeah this fandom is insane. Sometimes as I'm aggressively typing out a reply to an anon who calls me a delusional psychotic bitch bc I made an Elriel post they didn't like, I genuinely just blink and think what the fuck am I doing?

It's partly why I didn't want get involved. At all.

I still try to keep to myself. Only even entertain the antis if they come to my posts. I stick to my own tags.

But there are people - and you're right they are from both sides, as I have also said multiple times on my blog -that go out of their way to start a fight on posts they know aren't meant for them.

These are the people that are making this fandom so toxic. Like I understand, no one person can be responsible for a fandom's collective behavior, but you can be responsible for yourself at the very least.

I have always made it clear what i believe acceptable behavior for discourse in this fandom is and isn't. It's not something I can personally enforce for others, but I can follow myself.

It really is crazy how out of hand this fandom has gotten because other people can't control themselves. If I see an anti Elriel post I don't like (and I don't follow any tags, actually, so I see ALL the ships posting), I have the self control to ignore it and keep scrolling.

This fandom has been overrun by childish adults, intent on being louder than the rest. It's crazy how many disgusting things have been said over just fictional characters, it makes me wonder what these people are like in real life.

At the end of the day - there's going to be a book and one side is going to be proven right. It's not worth all these vitriol that's been spewed across all sides just to "be right". I at least, would be perfectly fine to read an Elucien book. If Elriel does happen, I'm certainly not going to lord it over anyone's head and laugh.

Not worth my time. Not worth my energy.

[deeaselriel]

Why do people take the few interactions of Az & Gw*n and make it romantic or say that it hints their so called relationship, but completely deny THE OBVIOUS romantic coded scenes of Elriel? Those scenes where he goes basically to death FOR HER, the way she only opens up to him, their smiles and time spent together, the unusual ENERGY there is between them? That’s also mentioned by Feyre and not only. Even in ACOSF we have PLENTY of signs, but yeah, focus on the nonexistent ones bc y’all just want it SO BAD for Elain to not be with Az. That desperate you are!!LIKE WHY ON EARTH? Y’all just wrote EVERY SINGLE PARAGRAPH where Az’s & Gw*n’s name appear “together” and called it a day. Called it a “build up to their relationship”. Said it’s “so obvious they’re endgame”. No cuz I, ships aside & as someone that analyzes texts A LOT, I truly feel offended?! What books are y’all even reading? 😭😭😭😭 And how can y’all turn some simple interactions into some romantic sh!t that’s not?! It’s like saying that Feyre and Az have romantic feeling for each other bc they smile at eo or protect eo (Az more ofc). It’s plain… dumb? Like I’m sorry. 😂😂😂 What’s funny is that y’all don’t see (or pretend to not see maybe lol) the possible red flags & that whole light singer theory that actually makes sense. Now, that’s where you can say it’s hinted, cuz it happens TWO times; with different people. Guess who. 😂

No cuz as an Elriel girlie I have NO PEACE. On every single platform I’m bullied and I have things thrown at me that don’t even make sense. About this whole ship war. Read the f*cking books a billion times more and realize that YOU KNOW that Elriel is endgame, it’s just that the hatred for Elain is SO huge that y’all have to find any single reason to pair Az with someone else. And if I’m allowed, I’d go soo much more into detail about this whole Elain hatred movement, and say it as it is: Y’ALL HAVE INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY! On a scale that I can’t even pronounce it. And don’t say it’s not that, bc I SEE how y’all keep degrading her character bc she’s girly, feminine, sweet, kind, minds her business etc. Yall say she’s boring, but funny enough, she’s kinda just like Az, only that we know a little more about him. But yeah, she’s “boring” and “plain”, but he’s “mysterious” and “hot”. THE HYPOCRISY. I love them both to death, but y’all are HYPOCRITES and pick sides with d!ck having usually, and ONLY like women that have traits THAT MEN USUALLY HAVE. Explains why y’all complain all day and all night that Elain is not some warrior, doesn’t get all excited for fighting with swords or BEING A B!TCH! Cuz yeah, I also saw how much y’all like the mean asf characters. Makes me question a lot about y’all! 👀 It’s pretty telling for me what kind of people y’all are if you hate on a kind and feminine woman that minds her business. Like what on earth did she do so bad? Besides the things with Feyre, that even Feyre understood lmao, she’s a saint in comparison with the other characters. But she’s still the most hated in the fandom bc of misogyny and y’all can’t change my mind. I’ll repeat myself: ✨It’s ok to love ONLY b!tchy characters that are mean for whatever reason that fight left and right and have these traits that MEN usually have, but it’s OUTRAGEOUS to even LIKE someone that is FEMININE in every single way, that doesn’t put a sword in her hand and that is not a warrior 24/7✨This is how y’all sound. I guess y’all hate yourselves (aka women) so much that it results into this. SAAAAD. Y’all even invalidate Elain for killing the king of hybern, just like Nesta did and everyone around her. (El) SJM is teaching y’all a lesson through these books bc y’all put Elain down EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF YALLS PATHETIC LIVES. It’s in the books, if y’all wanna look. But it’s subtle asf, and it’s only for the ones that can interpret a book. Not for many of you I guess. 💀😂 Oh, and btw, SJM, the author herself said that out of all the characters Elain would be her best friend. She’s just that character that a normal human being would love to be around. Bc she’s chill, sweet and kind. She just brings so much peace around her. That’s the vibes. But ik, even with this y’all would disagree. 😂😂😂😂😂🙄 Bruh.

Whatever, I wrote so much and I don’t feel BAD AT ALL. Some things have to be said Ffs. Y’all are getting too brave for hating a genuine kind woman that likes to bake and plant flowers. 💀💀💀💀💀💀

Don’t even @ me or anything bc I know I’m right with everything I wrote here. And I have every right to also speak about this whole thing since many, MANY of you wished death to me, or told me I deserve to be R word just like my fave deserves. Aka Elain. Y’all are despicable people that don’t deserve sh!t and I hope karma gets y’all. 🌸🌸 The flower princess & the 👩‍🍳 of velaris says that we need to k!ll people with kindness. I think she’s a fan of Selena Gomez. 😂😂😂😂🌸✨ BYEEEEE.

[abe--the--babe-blog]

mind drift 2

sitting on the ground with my back against the wall

smoking outside a concert hall between acts

analyzing peoples behavior's

a 40 year old man sits beside me, he is balding and is holding on to the very few follicles of hair he has left. i like to see his hair as resembling him being at a concert to feel like a 20 year old again. I came up with a lot of theories of why would he be at a random concert alone, then few minutes go by and he gets a call at 10:30ish pm. From what i can pick up, he has been waiting for someone since 8pm and i could just hear the desperation in his voice, so i figured it must have been a woman he was waiting for. Because if there is one thing i learned from men in society is they would do anything and everything if it means being touched by a woman or being seen by a woman. So i stopped analyzing the guy that is so clearly in his midlife crises and i lit a cigarette, i tried to give the person i was with a bit of insight of what i was thinking about because this whole time i have been completely silent. To no surprise the person seemed unamused at my thoughts and remarks that i had made at people, he chose to reply with ha that true or yeah followed with the usual fake laughter as if i was a comedian testing his jokes to his friend. I moved on and continued being silent and every time the person asked if i was okay i would just say i was tired and that works instantly (its funny how people notice you have a lot on your mind but you can get them off your back easily by acting a little and saying you're tired). I felt shame for every man and woman, boy and girl there everyone and i mean everyone was there to show off their body and outfits as if they were a lion seeking to mate, using their bodies as sex dolls in a sense, they reek of a smell only a few people can notice, i am one of the unlucky few. Whether its the men dancing around the foreigners and while dancing they would look at the foreigners to seek approval and if the foreigners made as much as a eye contact they would get the approval they were looking for and continue moving their bodies in a disgusting fashion that is full of sexual tension. Or the women that are more complex and come in different kinds that are there to see how many disgusting apes would look at them or make sexual remarks about them because this (in a sick and twisted way) would help with their self-esteem, you can pretty easily notice them by how they keep making eye-contact with the apes like their signaling them to turn on. But other women i feel sorry for, the ones that are there to prove to themselves they can wear and do whatever they want or in a different caliber the same ones but they are trying to get comfortable with their bodies because in their past one or few many people made comments about their fat arms or their big feet or or or..... so on and so forth. One of the many reasons i hate humans is we have this idea that we need approval from people whether we hate them or not as long as their higher up in the societal beauty standards then their comments are more valid then our own, it can reach a dangerous point if a person can not break that mindset and set their own beauty standards. Everyone and i mean everyone can rock whatever look they have, whether they have fat arms, big noses, big feet, big hands, small dicks, small ass, small tits whatever society made them to believe that that would be a fault, they can easily make it they're pretty side, they just have to love them selves and not care about anyone's opinions (easier said then done i know). on the topic of opinions i like to believe other peoples opinions come from inside our heads thus leading us to be ashamed of our looks. I like to admire beauty in all forms, and nothing is prettier than someone confident and beautifying their natural looks. Sending love love love to everyone and every-thing but on a real note i want to kill yall humans and make you emotionless and full of ideas that can never harm us.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. im sorry, yall cant tell me RS is some peak of writing when she can't even keep a tone consistent in a single episode. one second its a horrific sequence of violence and abuse for shock value, then the next second theyre making slapstick "jokes" and making goofy expressions. its good to have moments of comedy and lighter episodes to break up the tension, but those tonal whiplashes cant be forced together in nearly every episode. it just gives away rachel doesn't know what she's doing.

2. IDK why RS sounds so angry in her break post? Yeah it's very obvious it was Webtoons making her to do it but them finally showing some care for their creators to not burn out isn't a bad thing? I doubt the writing will improve or the art will go back to its former standard once it comes back, its too late for that now and her former style has been gone since 2019, but having a break isn't a bad idea. I know she isn't used to actually being told what to do by Webtoons is right in this scenario.

From OP: So, from another webtoon creator on twitter, the Remarried Empress creator went on break and only got like 1/10 of their income when they came back. Other webtoon creators were also saying that while on break, their income is basically non-existent. This might not be the reason RS wouldn’t want a break but this is a pretty understandable reason, especially since it’ll affect her livelihood.

3. I don't think an asexually budded kid would have hades lusting after them, i think it would be bad in the fact hades clearly only sees family through biological means. the bad dynamic would be in he wouldnt accept the child because theyre not what he wants because theyre not from him physically. if that wasnt the case he would have doted after young thanatos like a prince since he would be the child he never had, not mistreat and abuse him like how hades actually treated him as a literal child.

4. it should also be pointed out stuff like PJO and Hades game almost entirely get critiqued because they actually implement being diverse and inclusive and even (gasp) have main characters and relationship be BIPOC and LGBTQ+, so it's usually pissy white kids hating on them, meanwhile LO critics are the exact opposite in being overwhelming BIPOC queer women and people calling out its main gross, status quo protecting choices and regrssive ideals. i'm just saying their critiques are not the same.

5. LMAOOOO guys what if the "dread queen" persephone we see isnt actually her, but the asexuality budded heir she makes for hades? like RS just puts all P's negative traits in this kid (Melinoe maybe? she is the goddess of nightmares) and has her be the dread bringer while P gets to stay the uwu precious bean queen, and its just a fake out of her "daughter" being confused for her because theyre clones of each other. the panel stays canon w/o actually developing P. thats my fan theory now.

6. tbh if LO started out with the more simple style there would still be art critique but not to such a degree now. we saw how much effort it used to have, so to see such a stark decline since then opens it up way more to criticism for it, because we do know what it once was, and it seems both pure laziness and burn out has caused it to entirely go away. even rs' non lo art now is all in the more current rushed style, so its safe to say that old style is just not coming back, sorry to say :(

7. i feel like a lot of the stans dont get that a lot of frustration at LO is the fact its a very subpar product, especially now, made by an entitled white woman who constantly whines about "haters" who gets everything handed to her for her mediocre work (which is often the work of her underpaid team), meanwhile many more talented, hardworking, and diverse creators (like her own co-workers) who are making so much better products are left in the dirt. How is that not frustrating?

8. I feel like the anon who likes Thanatos and Minthe being likeable and the anon talking about Persephone never being able to stand up for herself/ never being punished go well together.

Minthe and Thanatos do face consequences for their actions. Hermes doing more souls behind Hades back made Thaantos look worse on paper and Hades chewed his ass out for it. Thanatos went to Helios and was burned. We even see Thanatos get nervous when Daphne talks about a Persephone. He’s aware of his actions and what may happen.

Minthe is also aware of her faults actions etc. after she slaps hades she says she needs to apologize, she knows what she did was wrong to Persephone when she sees it on the camera and freaks out. She even wonders why Persephone hasn’t ratted her out yet until it’s used as black mail. Minthe apologizes to hades right before she knows they’re gonna fight about the break up. She even sulks after her fight with Thetis but doesn’t blame anyone else but herself. I’m excluding when Hades fires her because Hades brought her as an employee first into his life girlfriend second and treated her as disposable and tried to smooth things over by just throwing money at her(I’ll pay for your schooling if you never try to bring up the fact I dumped you for a 19 year old, no hard feelings right?;)

But Persephone the worst she is aware is that she’s bad at her job that she doesn’t even do any more. Persephone is just a cloud in the sky not aware of her own actions but that’s fine since they have no consequences and if there’s almost consequences don’t worry hades will throw money at the problem.

I wouldn’t say Minthe and Thanatos are likeable because they face consequences but they’re more rounded out characters with flaws, power in their narrative, overcoming and hiding faults. 

9. Persephone telling Hades she will explain to him why torturing mortals is wrong and why Elysium is needed is basically "I can fix him" narration. Change my mind

10. That’s it too bc other than Hers and Persephone (which really isn’t a “mentor” relationship and has some rather gross things about it considering Hera only cares about her for Hades’ sake) there’s no genuinely good female relationships of any sort. Daphne and the nymphs are just said “to be like sisters” to Persephone but we see no actual proof of this. There’s no good mother and daughter relationships with Demeter, Métis, Leto, even Hera to her own children. The only decent mother relationship is towards Rhea and her SON Hades. Minthe and Thetis were horribly toxic with Thetis especially taking advantage of Minthe. Artemis and Persephone aren’t friends at all, Persephone is instead closer to a guy who had her kidnapped and basically forced her to admit she was SA’d to him! Hera only likes Echo because she’s “one of the good ones” and it’s a gross repeat of HxP being a boss lusting after their worker, but it’s a #diversity win because it’s between two women? I suppose the only “ok” female relationship is Athena and Hestia, but that also comes with the fact they’re the only confirmed LGBTQ+ rep used to oppress the poor straight couple, are still hyper gendered in their designs, and from Rachel’s own mouth is deeply ace-phobic and a horrible depiction of actual gay relationships. For something claiming to be about women and female empowerment, it fails on every front to even show women as anything other than props for the mens’ consumption and benefit. 

[nightswithkookmin]

I have watched the photo booth photos coming out this week. And JK and Tae first. I wondered if Jimin and Suga would be next. But it is Hobi and Jin. So perhaps Suga and Jimin tomorrow. Is it just me or does Bighit seem to be Really pushing Suga and Jimin? I do honestly believe Suga and Jimin are close but not romantic. Jimin has never looked thirsty for Suga and he certainly has for JK. Thoughts on wtf is up with Bighit and Ship Agenda?

Please don't get me started on this cos I'm afraid I won't be able to stop myself 😭😭😭

For now I'm busy fighting the stigma

But this too is a weight sitting on my chest!

WHAT THE FUCK AT ALL IS A MANLY MAN!I stand with Harry Styles, Zac Efron and all these men who have come out to speak out against unrealistic male body standards and the toxic masculinity in the entertainment industry as well as everywhere.

What about this look is a "submissive gay man" look. 😒

Straight men and Women get butt stimulated, take fingers and dicks up their asses and ARE SUBMISSIVES TOO. IT'S CALLED SEX. Why do you stigmatize some men for their sexual preference and applaud others for theirs?!

If straight men can be submissives, gay men can be submissives. And if being soft looking makes you look gay then EVERYONE IS GAY.

Just look how ANDROGYNOUS AND BEAUTIFUL AND MANLY Jimin looks even without make up!!!!!!!

Jungkook have said he resembles his father and yet he calls him pretty and charming and sexy! You think Jk is confused by his looks?

Do y'all know how much Tae weighs!!!!!!!

That don't look life a soft weak man to me and he is not buffed up crazy!

And the tuktukker's on the bird app and Yt comments claiming he wants to be Tae...

I can I assure you he does NOT!!!!!!!!!!

This is the most absurd thing I ever heard in all my shipping life!!!!!! Y'all are a piece of work!

I'm gonna have to take this over to Kofi from now because some people out here just lack the range and depth to have nuanced conversations about these things and it makes it so hard to talk about some things.

What makes you think I can't talk about the good bad and complicated aspect of life and culture and beliefs or ships? Why do I have to hate BTS to point out if they say something misogynistic or homophobic or racist or exude toxic masculinity?

Have they themselves not said they have learned the most from Armies who've called them out on certain things like the misogynistic song lyrics, cultural insensitivity and all these other things?

Y'all don't confuse me with the fake woke wannabes and edgy folks out here who just want to make themselves palatable to yall. Y'all do them a disservice when you don't stay honest and real.

Expressing concern over POSSIBLE toxic work environment having a negative impact on a member does not mean I am afraid that member would lose their sexuality or sexual orientation. Jk looks nothing like Jimin but I still think HE IS GAY.

And it's presumptuous to assume that if any member had been in Jimin's position that I wouldn't have expressed the same sentiments.

How many times do we hear women celebrities complain about unrealistic body standards and the pressure to look a certain way in the industry? How many times have Male celebrities complain of the same pressures they feel in conforming to the looks yall praise as 'manly?' How many times have RM not looked at Tae or JK and talked about how he's own body isn't up to par and that he needs to pick up or work harder? How many times have Jk talked about fasting and dieting to lose weight? How many times have he called himself 'fat' and that he needs to do this or that?

Forget that Jimin has talked about eating disorders and nearly working himself to death to look a certain way? Why do y'all do that? Why do yall make it hard for us to dialogue about these things and bond over shared concerns or hold diverse views and bond over that and yet even learn from those diverse views?Why does someone you disagree with gotta be evil, and crazy and anti?

There's nothing wrong if you prefer a buff Jimin. There's nothing wrong if HE prefers that himself. But leave room for us to discuss the whys of it all. Leave room. If you think his work environment does not impact his choices that's fine. But don't come for me for also believing it might be impacting him or he might be succumbing to the pressures of the work place.

You think if JK started saying he wants to lose his body muscles or if Jin or RM said that I won't wonder what is motivating that decision too? It's absurd if the only reason y'all think I have is a nefarious gay agenda.

As for BigHit and the Ships

It's like WHY!!!!!! WHY CAN'T WE HAVE ALL THE SHIPS SAILING AT THE SAME TIME!

Y'all do this ridiculous scheduling and pairing as if they are night nurses running shifts! Why the fuxk can't we have all these ships coexisting wholesomely side by side AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!

This is how the conspiracy theories begin- of Tae kook finally getting back together and putting Jimin in his place. No one is putting no one in no damn place! Tae kook is not real.

I can't. I really can't!

Someone beam me up. I just can't anymore.

I might as well delete my Tumblr and move to Jupiter with BTS.

Signed,

GOLDY

[bassiter2]

many cis gay men are really not all that fixated on their partner’s dick. in fact, i’ve had sex with several who weren’t even very fixated on their OWN dick, due to desensitization or something else making it difficult for them to climax witth other people. many are fixated on asses, many are fixated on chests, and many just want to make out. many are focused far more on body contact, pleasing the other guy, and intimacy in general than any body part.

many cis gay men just want to top and won’t interact with their partner’s dick unless asked. many just want to bottom and certainly couldn’t care less exactly what’s going inside them. there’s a whole subculture of gay men who consider their dicks useless in sex and keep them locked in chastity cages, and many of those men even have sex with each other.

interact with gay men in real life and you’ll know that a hatred for trans men or even a belief that we’re “really women” is not at all common. some level of ignorance about trans men is common, but i’ve found it extremely quick and easy to help others understand when ignorance is all they have (surprise surprise, most people actually have a desire to understand things that they’re confused about instead of aggression against it).

they see someone who looks like a man and that’s all that matters. the only time they give a single shit whether my dick is attached to me is when they want to give head, and even then, plenty are still down because the primary enjoyment that they get from that is the weight in their mouth. the vast majority of cis gay men will even tell you that while they know for certain that they’re not attracted to women because looking at women does nothing for them, they’re not disgusted by vaginas. some are curious about it. some are actively into it. 

and not to fucking mention, there’s plenty of cis gay men not interested in sex at all, and therefore their partner’s genitals wouldn’t make a difference to them??? 

once again, i’m fucking BEGGING you to interact with gay men in real life if you think that genitals are the biggest component in attraction or relationships or ESPECIALLY the perception that society has of you. or shit, maybe go outside at all. i guarantee you’re not gonna see any genitals hanging out in the open but you’ll still definitely be able to percieve genders and maybe even be attracted to some of them. 

tldr; the general cisnormative assumption that every man is gonna have a penis and vice versa is not the same as yalls reactionary obsession with reducing ppl to genitals just for the sake of just hating trans people. sex essentialism literally only works in theory and falls the fuck apart once you actually start existing in real life.

[sapphicbabywitchposts]

ty lee is an air nomad cont.

ok i know yall know of the ty lee is an air nomad theory, but all that takes into account is her eye and hair color, heavy spirituality and fighting style. so i just had the biggest fucking brainwave of all time. if yall look at pictures of aang and ty lees outfits from their first introduction they look very similar: 

as you can see, they both have:

a tight under shirt of a lighter color, with sleeves that end, or are tightened at the elbow, they both flare at the end

 a light colored baggy pants that are secured slightly below the knee

a waistband that sits at a slightly dropped waist, of a darker color

a sort of popped collar that is attached to the undershirt.

an overshirt type thing of a darker color.

pretty shapeless shoes. 

this is in comparison to fire nation clothing like the gaang in book 3:

they have:

pointy or toeless shoes,

formless or slightly bagged pants 

the popped collar as decoration, not as an undershirt, they also seem to be much thicker 

there are seams or closures down the front that are not included in air nomad clothing

no flared sleeves, also the sleeves end mostly at the shoulder

TY LEE’S CLOTHES ARE AIRBENDER OR AIRBENDER INSPIRED

not to mention her hair, there are no braided hairstyles seen on fire nation women, whereas airbender women seen in flashbacks seem to keep their hair up in ponytail or braided styles like ty lees. 

Also their hair is kept much longer than mai or azula’s hair, azula seems to have mid length hair while ty lees hair while up and braided reaches her waist. 

All of ty lees style choices seem to be based off of airbender culture, which she would have no access to. the fact that she strayed so far from mainstream firebender fashion.

Another thing to add is her sisters style, they all wear braided hair like ty lees. It seems to be a family thing that ty lee doesnt deviate from even when trying to be very different from her sisters. She mentions in the beach episode that she hates being part of a matched set so why does she wear her hair the same way as her sisters? it might be because the hairstyle is significant, a tradition passed down from her ancestors to keep airbender pride and tradition alive. ok edit because i just had another brainwave:

ty lees fashion and hair are just acceptable versions of fire nation ones, the survivors of the air nomad genocide were surely baited into communities that resembled air nomad lifestyles and killed, ty lees ancestors must have been very smart to conceal their lineage to the fire nation. So heres my new theory, ty lee’s fashion is just an assimilated version of fire nation fashion. 

if you look at her overshirt it looks like the fire nation like (shoulder pads?) that the soldiers and other fire nation residents are seen wearing:

if you look at her oufit you can see the triangular shaped overshirt and slits in the overskirt, which looks very much like ty lees overshirt and overskirt. 

another thing to note is her signature hairstyle is also an assimilated version of azulas hairstyle. If you go back to avatar yangchens hair, you see a braided hairstyle. But if you notice other air nomad women have low hairstyles such as this woman:

this was something that kind of refuted my theory about ty lee as she has a high ponytail, but if you look at azula and other firebender’s hair it is in a bun at the top of the head, so if you combine airbender hair with fire nation you see ty lees high braided ponytail. 

She and her ancestors had to keep everything inconspicious as to not get caught and killed, and honestly the detail of the fashion makes this theory so much more layered and more believable to me. More so than the eyes and hair color theory. If we ever get more comics i would really love to see more of ty lees family because it could open up so much about how they escaped the genocide.

[fireandfolds]

about me

tldr: yujung 유정, he/they, 20s

butch, aroace, lesbian, asian, korean united statesian, woman, menswear enthusiast

-> yes, i am a woman and a lesbian. yes, my pronouns are not she/her. these facts can coexist.

-> i prefer he/him but feel free to sprinkle in a they/them occasionally. surprise me. ALSO v important please use the pronouns separately! altho i do use more than one set of pronouns i do not like to use them interchangeably :)

i go in depth here about this

do not interact

-> if you ship elsanna, kara/monel, amalia true/horatio cousens, penance/augustus; if you like incest, age-gap relationships, genderswaps

-> mcyt stans, if you claim to have undiagnosed DID/alters/systems, if you claim other fake disorder stuff

-> cop/military apologists, republicans, conservatives, right wing ppl, fascists, bigots, christians, homophobes, ableists, etc can go away

-> fetish/nsfw/bdsm/kink pages. nothing against yall but i explain below

-> see my carrd for more DNI criteria

aroace lesbian + sex-repulsed

-> sexual content will not be found on this page, i don’t write smut and even people kissing makes me uncomfortable and grossed out.

-> my writing tends to focus on the more platonic or “innocent” romantic stuff. my fics could be seen as friendship or some other kind of relationship. i ship people in queerplatonic relationships usually.

-> my full sexual & romantic identity would be aromantic asexual lesbian. i keep things platonic mostly, but no matter the type of relationship i will always prefer women.

leftist

-> no i am not a liberal or democrat, and obviously not a conservative or republican or any other right-wing political group. yes, liberals/dems are still right-wing. fuck all of you.

-> fuck cops, the military, capitalism, private insurance/healthcare, political parties, people who want the status quo, etc.

-> haven’t read any theory but I’d align myself most closely with marxism or marxism-leninism, based on the research and reading i’ve done. commie/leftist yeet yeet

-> anti-zionist. not jewish by any means. zionism is colonialism.

-> atheist, with a background in the presbyterian branch of christianity. fuck organised religion, they’re all cults, but especially christianity.

fandoms/interests

-> you can find me on ao3, i write silly little fanfics involving my favorite sapphics. send requests if you want to see something specifically.

-> the nevers, supergirl, the haunting of bly manor, motherland: fort salem, hacks, mare of easttown, dickinson, rizzoli & isles, anything involving wlw or pretty women really. yell at me if you’d like to become mutuals and bond over a favourite show <3

-> my favourite characters: penny haywood, emily kaldwin, junlei tennyson, penance adair, lena luthor, maura isles, amalia true, jamie taylor, deborah vance, helen fahey, sue gilbert, tally craven, cristina yang

-> wouldn’t necessarily say i’m in fandoms for this, but i love sketch/improv/stand up comedy. i DO NOT like (most) sitcoms—the only exceptions being the golden girls and designing women. big fan of saturday night live, a black lady sketch show, whose line is it anyway?, etc.

-> my favourite comedians: hannah gadsby, river butcher, john mulaney, tig notaro, robin williams, taylor tomlinson, hannah einbinder, gilda radner

-> i love katie mcgrath, sandra oh, sasha alexander, laura donnelly, ann skelly, lily tomlin, jean smart, amelia eve, and gilda radner. i hate melissa benoist, jodie comer, angie harmon, chris wood, mehcad brooks, jeremy jordan, and david harewood

-> favourite musicians: hippo campus, lupin, brotherkenzie, baby boys, whistler isaiah, hozier, half•alive, early eyes, grandson, sylvan esso, peach pit, the greeting committee, still woozy, i don't know how but they found me, glass animals, ashe, phoebe bridgers, japanese breakfast, sub urban

-> favourite games: the outer worlds, dishonored ii, cyberpunk 2077, harry potter hogwarts mystery

other

-> i’m not a man-hater or a misandrist. i just…do not care about men. they aren’t interesting to me. and i’m not attracted to them. i will only focus on women, because i literally have zero things to say about men. if you’re not down, you don’t need to follow.

-> i love talking about tv shows! one thing about me is if i start a show, no matter what happens i have to finish it. if you want to stalk me and see what shows i am watching and have watched, i’m fireandfolds on tvtime. i don’t really do films.

-> my carrd (you’ll find my social media and ways to support/follow my creative work)

-> join my sapphic-centered discord if you want

shoot me an ask or dm or whatever if you want to connect. use the tags if you want to navigate through stuff. sweg!

[the-paris-of-people]

18, 19, 20 for nhie ask game please!

tw: eating disorder

18. What’s something that you wish they would have done differently this season?

Honestly I didn't like Devi's apology after starting the rumor about Aneesa's eating disorder. Was it in character to get up on a table and shout a public apology with the rest of the student body watching? Yes. But the proper apology would have been in an one-on-one, intimate setting. I also feel like the implications of gossiping about anorexia so flippantly should have been discussed in more detail. NHIE has the perfect platform to bring awareness to that problem. I'm glad they linked the wannatalkaboutit resource at the end, and I don't think they handled the issue super poorly, but there could have been a trigger warning before the relay episode (I personally didn't see one, lmk if yall did!) or discussion from a professional's POV of how the rumor was fucked up. At the same time, I've never experienced an eating disorder so the show's handling of the issue is not mine to judge, but those who have been affected by one.

I also just hated how Devi tried to cover up the rumor by launching a student investigation. Yes it was in character and ultimately she confessed but I would love to see her take better accountability for her actions.

I also would have been fine with Aneesa not accepting Devi's apology and Devi learning that it's not people's job to accept her apologies (because I think that's a huge issue with her) I think it's a valuable lesson that sometimes if you fuck up, people won't forgive you, or at least take more than a few episodes too (I've heard this happens in BoJack Horseman and happened a bit in Crazy Ex Girlfriend too)

Smaller opinion: I also thought Fabiola and Dr. Jamie Ryan were ROBBED of screen time. They should have been in there more!

19. Just anything you want rant about, get something off your chest.

Okay, multiple things. Can we like, give Ben Gross some friends? Like he has no friends besides Malcolm, who sucks ass so he doesn't really count.

Also, I'm hoping the show pulls a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and fully diagnoses Devi's mental health problems so she can adequately seek out more intensive therapy and medication if she needs. I really want her to be her best self, she definitely has had character development but she still lacks the ability to self-regulate emotions and actions. I hope season 3 gives her a lot more therapy than this one did (though I adored the scene where she broke down to Dr. Jamie Ryan. Again, I'm in love with Dr. Jamie Ryan)

Also I hated how Sasha (Eve's friend) constantly insulted Fabiola and no one completely stood up to her. It was rude as fuck and I did not like her. Justice for Fabiola!

20. What are your hopes/theories for season three?

Okay I have a few theories. I think that Nirmala or Aneesa will end having the individual episode. I hope that Nirmala and Devi forge a bond and Devi will realize appreciate the connection she has to her dad through her.

In general, I hope that Devi will learn to overcome her internalized racism/misogyny and appreciate Kamala and not see other Indian women as competition. I think this season was a step in that direction after her encounter with Aneesa, but I would love to see her talk that out in therapy. (wow all my headcanons include therapy)

I hope that Eleanor goes back to dating Oliver because I actually loved him and think he's hilarious and sweet. I also am hoping for more Sharon and Mr. Wong because they are the best and totally under appreciated.

I think that Ben will end up being Paxton's boyfriend tutor and I'm hoping they forge a friendship! Paxton will ultimately realize that Ben knows and cares about her better than anyone and chaos will unfold heehee

I'm hoping Paxton continues to grow and develop as a character and grow more confident in his ability to be intelligent. My biggest fear is that Paxton is afraid he isn't smart enough for Devi, and her leaving him for Ben would only reinforce those ideals. I hope they ultimately realize that Ben is a better fit for her, or they break up for other reasons.

Honestly, at the end of season 3 I just want Devi to be happy and mentally stable. Again, my hope for her is that she receives a diagnosis for her mental health problems and ultimately gains the proper treatment she needs (because I don't think therapy once a week is enough for her) I absolutely love Ben and Devi together and I'll be so so so happy if season 3 culminates with a confession of love, as long as Devi has grown into the person she wants to be. I think that she and Ben need to cultivate that trust and security in their relationship again that was lost after dating other people, and she needs to show up as her best self for Ben as well (because let's be real she has screwed him over and he doesn't deserve that) I would love if season 4 ended with a big romantic gesture of Devi to Ben because the sweet boy deserves it!

Also, comeback of Dr. Jackson!!! (#I love him)

[momo-de-avis]

what are 2 books you feel you should be financially compensated for reading (beyond reimbursement for purchasing them)?

hard mode: nothing by zuzas.

now those are high stakes

first of all, this is hard for me to answer because I genuinely cannot read a book through to the end if I don't like it. I won't go past fifty pages if it's annoying me. So there are only a handful of books I can say I hated because I wasted time reading them, and even those I didn't finish.

But there are two, and one of them I actually talk about it all the time

First of all, fuck you, Flaubert. Fuck Emma Bovary. Fuck that book. Not only financial compensation, but emotional of some sort, cause you go through the 7 stages of grief reading that piece of garbage. Not after, during.

Like, every time I try to explain why I hate Madame Bovary so much I tell this little anecdote about my life. It was probably 2AM, I was still living with my mom, and I was in the living room. Back then, the History Channel---before it became exclusively devoted to Aliens, Hitler, and World War II---had a super interesting show called, I believe it was, Great Books. I caught only a few episodes, there was one on Janes Austen, another on Dostoevsky---and yes, one for Madame Bovary. Which was the one I saw that night.

And on that night, I was just chilling on my ass, and there was this expert on Flaubert explaining how the guy came up with the idea for the book. This woman had a PhD in literature. She studied Flaubert's life and history down to the letters and his intimacy. And I chuckled to myself, completely alone---and listen, you're free to believe whatever the hell yall want, but I swear on my cat this shit is true---and said to myself: "I bet this guy ran away to a cabin and dressed himself as woman to write this book." In fact, I hate Madame Bovary SO MUCH I've making this joke for YEARS, and it's why I call that pile of regurgitated french trash "literary transvesty" because it is literally a man playing dress up with no counter-balance to the absolute derailment of this woman's down-spiral. It's just the story of Emma Bovary going off her rockers, and there's no point where there might a slight indication of societal criticism. She's just a piece of shit. You know, at LEAST Tolstoi gave us Kittie and Levine as a counter-point. At LEAST Tolstoi built-up an immense backdrop with Stepane's adultery to understand the horrid treatment Anna is subjected to. At LEAST we are given a good characterisation of Karenine enough, whereas Charles Bovary is limper than a soggy sock. The only Ken doll I owned as a child had more charisma, and that bitch had no clothes.

And AT THAT POINT in the documentary, that lady expert with a whole PhD says something to this effect: APPARENTLY, Flaubert DID run off into a cabin in the fucking woods or some shit, and he did so with a locket, and what was in that locket? The hairs of his lover. Like, oh my God, I hate you so fucking much.

What I hate THE MOST about Madame Bovary is that despite being a shit book and shit story, and having been written by a guy who purposefully isolated himself from the woman he loved in the ass of the world, with a piece of her hair, as he dead ass attempted to "become a woman", whatever the hell that meant (but then again, so did every romantic writer back in the 19th century), this motherfucker was trialled in a court of law for this book (because adultery, women are frail, scandal, blah blah blah), and his defense was so amazing he actually coined a very important term in writing called Indirect Free Speech. Like, I genuinely hate this motherfucker but this absolute genius final take on his shit book just makes me hate him more. (For reference, this is where I learned this, Hans Robert Jauss explains this in his book Reception Theory)

The second book I think I deserve financial compensation for wasting the like, 3 days I wasted reading those first 100 pages or so, was Juliet Marillier's Daughter of the Forest. Oh my God. Listen, back in the day, like every teenage girl in the early/late 2000s, I was discovering paganism and that kind of crap, so I had a lot of wiccan friends. And there was Charmed. Not the rebooted crap, the OG Charmed, when Rose McGowan was closeted terf and we believed she was cool. Everyone loved Charmed. And everyone who bought into the new-pagan stuff and wiccan stuff, they were all introduced by one of two ways: either it was Charmed, or The Mists of Avalon. Either or. No other way. At least around my circle, that is.

So I had a lot of friends squealing over this one book from Marillier. I was absolutely obsessed with Arthuriana because of Mists of Avalon, and my wiccan/goth friends were all over me telling me "OH you GOTTA read Daughter of the Forest if you love Mists of Avalon". It's comforting to know the one wiccan friend who persisted with that crap went wacko and literally vanished into the horizon because I wanted to smack her in the face with that stupid book.

Basically, at the time, I was balls deep into Irish Mythology. And as I read it, I thought it was EERILY SIMILAR to the Children of Lir. Evil stepmother transforming her step-children into swans? Hm? The one thing that threw me off was that, in the story, the hero had to sew these shirts from some godawful plant that fucked up her hands, and that ISN'T in the original Children of Lir story. Then again, Children of Lir is genuinely not a compelling story. Of all Irish myths, it might be the least compelling.

However, I recently learned that IT IS the same tale, despite what Marillier sold as being "inspired by the Brother Grimm". It turns out the Children of Lir is a tale known throughout Europe, spanning from Spain to Ireland, with some variations, and it exists in Germany, where the sewing of the shirts with that weird plant is a plot point. So I guess that was a determent, considering the story is set in Ireland. Also, you can tell the story was written by a herbalist because, oh my god she goes off about plants all the time.

I basically stopped reading because the heroine is a bit obnoxious and it felt like the plot was going nowhere. And at some point, it was literally a book about plants. Like, Marion Zimmer Bradley's books can be boring (take the Forst House, which is one of my favourites, there's gotta be like 100 pages in there about Eilan's boring life picking flowers, but it builds up to her character, at least). But this one, it was going nowhere, while at the same time, Bretons were landing in Ireland? What? My anger came from when I checked the wikipedia page before I gave up because I wanted to see if there was something redeemable in that shit, like, come on, motivate me. And when I read that there's a fucking rape plot thrown in there that bears no relevance for no other reason than... I don't know, fear of men? I gave up. That was definitely when I stopped reading and decided to set it aside. It's weird cause, from what I remember, I think the author wanted to write it in pagan Ireland, but I don't remember a single mention of a pagan god? It was so convoluted, man.

And why the Children of Lir??? I 100% share the opinion of Sorcha Hegarty from Candlelit Tales regarding the Children of Lir: it is THE LEAST interesting tale in Irish Myth, and also---and these are her words, not mine---the least Irish lmao

Honourable mention: Thérèse Raquin by Zola is another one that made me SO FUCKING PISSED OFF that piece of shit book REQUIRES psychological counseling. Like, financial compensation isn't even enough to go through that crap.

[gracereadstoomanybooks]

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

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QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

[swamp-world]

tw terfs, press j if on desktop

terfs are just. so zero brain deliberately. i remember going to see a speech from a muslim presenter with my girl guide group and i was too young to remember very much but i will never forget the emphasis he put on “ignorance is arrogance”.it is!! and terfs totally fit that. ignorance and arrogance feed one another and terfs continue to be deliberately ignorant for the sake of arrogance or allow their arrogance to exacerbate their ignorance and this is such a widespread belief that it’s unspeakably concerning about the fact that it’s gotten this far. just. the false equivalences, the strawman arguments, the. the absolute rejection of. i don’t know. saw that post that was like “actually sweaty feminism was based off of marxist analysis and class consciousness while q-theory (queer theory, but my housemate immediately went “??? qanon?”) exists bc of foucault who was friends with n*zis” as if feminism started with the second wave, and as if feminism overall hasn’t had its fair share of nazi sympathizers and seething racists.

the thing is, terfism deliberately gets you to believe those. it involves a lot of mental gymnastics, but it also involves a lot of ignorance. i know there’s a post going around about “we need to stop treating terfs like misguided nice people who stepped in the wrong pile of shit” and i can’t get behind it. terfs target young lgb and sometimes t people. people who are ignorant not out of any reason of choice or arrogance, but simply because of their youth. these kids absolutely do harm to other gay, queer, and trans people, and this isn’t to say “treat them like they do no wrong”, but that you need to understand that terfs deliberately encourage fearmongering among vulnerable and isolated gay and queer people in order to bring them to their side. these are gay, queer, and trans kids who are actively hurt by the rhetoric that they believe and share. “don’t treat them like accidentally misguided babies” is one thing when talking about grown ass women like jkr, but i’m begging yall to understand that a lot of terfs are young, and that this is a very important and dangerous thing that’s happening. that you definitely shouldn’t meet them halfway, but that if you’re able to without putting yourself in harm’s way, it is so important to reach out to these young people. they will go to college and to workplaces and to social spaces with trans people. they will cause trans and queer people extreme harm.

“terfs are so zero brain, deliberately” is how i started this, and i stand by that, as someone who was in terf circles. it involves actively ignoring a lot of stuff that is constantly in front of you. there wasn’t a single day that i was sitting there spouting terf rhetoric that i didn’t lie in bed going “am i the bad guy?” just to eventually come to the concusion that yes, i was actually, and that i was deliberately obscuring that fact from myself. i was deliberately being ignorant. i was 16 and was being taught slowly but surely that that ignorance was good, genuine, to be trusted, that it was safe and important. many terfs choose that ignorance deliberately. a lot of the younger ones are essentially groomed into it. recognize that these are young queer people with genuine issues, who are being told that because one (1) guy was bad at the foundation, queer theory is dangerous inherently, and these are kids who are taking their legitimate issues and being taught to ignore the most likely solution in favour of spouting high school level biology at people who got their doctorates in genetics.

terfs suck. understand that they’re a lot of other kids oftentimes who are wlw, who are gnc, who are trans, who have been explicitly hurt and then had people take advantage of that to spread hate and harm to others, at their own detriments.

[ceo-of-choco-bibi]

HCLW 107 SPOILERS

I've actually been so upset over the past few days because of the new chapters... nothing to worry about though it's not too serious.

I am making content, in terms of fics I got one more oneshot to add to my current chocotemp collection, a HnK au, and a new series of oneshots, more precisely about how I feel GRG would respond to the current event in the real world. In terms of art I have a few sketch graphs and one piece planned, but it might take a while to churn out.

(Check out my ao3 for my fics! https://archiveofourown.org/series/1811194)

For now I just really want to talk about them because they make me so sad and happy at the same time. Enjoy my rambling.

Giga 13th squad! They're all so cool, Giga's squad are really just Squad 1 Legendary characters team, the other fillers and Squad 13th. I immediately fall for any teleportation-related character, so Veganic is like (chef's kiss)! He is adorable I want to pick him up and put him in my fancy coat pocket.

MASTER SWORDSMAN ALWAYS GETS THE COOLEST PANELS! AS HE SHOULD! HE SLAYS ALL THE TIME UGH I

I hate the word goated but he really is he's the coolest and I hope he knows it! I feel embarrassed for talking to a fictional character but I wish he knows how much I love and cherish him

"There are times in life when you lose. If you're bound to lose, then just do the best you can! Then there will be a next time." I'm so devastated. How could you leave like this. How could you leave so happy when I'm dying over here.

"Give it to Choco Bibi and tell him it's my gift to congratulate him for becoming the second guild master of Grass Roots."

"How about we fight with our swords? It's been a while!"

"There should be a home for him to return to after he's done wandering. I'm going to start a new guild."

You don't understand. I don't have words for how painful this is. Just revel in the pain with me.

And here comes the backstory fluff (aka a sweetener to make the angst more bitter)

"How about we dance to draw attention?" "I think that'll make things worse." HELP ME

I CAN'T BELIEVE BIBI CANONICALLY HAS PRETTY BOY PRIVILEGE!!!! AS HE SHOULD???????

I'm actually never going to shut up about how Bibi never blushes in the presence of women. Like never. MSM and Drip Soup are always blushing when there's pretty women around but really Bibi has never shown attraction. When Pooh Upooh was naked? No. When Coco first entered the guild? No. Here, where a girl literally says she wants to go on a date with him? NO. This is actually my queer agenda, me and Sehun Kim had a talk and we agreed on making Bibi queer coded.

I would have never guessed that Drip Soup and Tempest were both affiliated with Giga for a short while? Guess I manifested my Giga!GRG but in a different way

I've never let go of the headcanon that Bibi is fucking terrible with feelings and is always angry, this just solidifies it more (really, every interaction Bibi has is just solidifying the theory that he's emotionally constipated)

I've also got the feeling that Bibi's super prideful in the sense that he would rather not express weakness (cry, express pain) in front of others (seen when he gets beaten by NM!Bibi the first time on) and that he channels everything into spite and anger instead. I kind of want to see this when he realises MSM is gone later on also. I want to see him get irrationally mad and blame someone (HCLW) before realising (or realising but still feeling lost and like he has to target someone) MSM wouldn't have wanted this. Armes wouldn't have wanted this. His friends are the only ones left.

It really comforts me to see that Master Swordsman is happy with his life right now. I'm kind of stuck between "oh he's happy because he's well off from the game, his work doesn't count" and "anything that you're happy with in life is worth it. You don't need an office job to be happy" though, but for real. I've never wanted a regular office job and I'd rather just do something simple and get by since nothing matters in the long run when I die. But at the same time, I feel like I can only say this because of how privileged I am to be me. It's hard being alive, sometimes. I'll pull through.

Tempest appearance! This time it solidifies my idea that Tempest finds his friends to be more important than himself, at least at this point of time. I expand a lot more in my new fic and I've written a bunch there already, so I'll save it for then (haha, shameless plug)

It's so bloody funny that they're all from the same school and that they're meeting up for a battle. What are you, YouTubers with beef?

TEMPEST BEING A GOODY TWO SHOES NERD? HIS HAIR IS KIND OF FLUFFY? (I die.) TEMPEST AND BIBI IRL INTERACTION? THEY KNOW EACH OTHER IRL BEFOREHAND? (I die again.) BIBI EATING POPCORN? (I die once more.)

Anyways Bibi with a sugar addiction I really do not need to elaborate on this.

They are such LOSERS who does irl fights I swear to god yall EMBARRASSING /lh

I MANIFESTED HEAVY ALCOHOL TOLERANCE BIBI YOU HAVE ME TO THANK FOR THIS!!!!!!! I REALLY DID!!!!!!!! (My linked headcanon was that Bibi's the group protector when they're out drinking. It's sort of true.)

I can't do this. This is a lot for my heart. To whoever looks at this, why? But also thank you for being here it means a lot to me.

MSM RICH

Bibi gets couch rights as he should! Also Bibi and Tempest airpod users while MSM and Soup earphone users?

Glasses and WFL came from nowhere but alright I still love them

The gifts thing. The gifts thing. I am so upset it's unbelievable.

The hat... the hat was given to Bibi by MSM... I want to see him have a breakdown now. I want to see him wear the hat forever on after this arc because it's something solid he has left. He's an art major irl, I want to see him recreate the hat or make art related to MSM.

"You might be grumpy on the outside, but I know you always think dear of me. I'm glad you don't know what I'm doing right now. If you did, you would've stopped me by any means."

It hurts so much.

"Life doesn't always go your way. And sometimes... you just want to run away from the life that turned out so differently. Some people say, the place you run off to is no paradise. They may be right, but those who ran away can still comfort each other there."

GRG IS LITERALLY FOUND FAMILY! THEY ARE LITERALLY-

I cannot do this anymore it's horrible my heart is shattering into a million pieces

"How did we end up like this? You went through enough to deserve a little happiness. Hardcore. Go back to your friends!"

He does deserve it. You deserve it. I hate this. Thank you. Sorry.

And Bibi still doesn't know. He'll be the last to know. "Did he go knowing I loved him? What were his last words? How do I go on? What do I do from now?"

I do want to see them reunite and remember. I do want to see them waddle in their hurt and pain, to heal together, to move on as a guild knowing this is what MSM would have wanted. It's so fascinating seeing someone grow and oh how much have the Grass Roots grown in the past 3 years. They've been close to my heart since forever and I really love them so much.

Final conclusion: I hope you've hurt as much as I do. I hope reading this has shown you something from my perspective that has made you hurt a little more. Talk to me and be my friend so we can hurt together.

On a more self note: Like I said, I'm writing stuff. I'm drawing stuff. It sucks to think sometimes that so few people will see it, but I know that I love what I'm doing. I may be prideful and want more people to love me, but I think I'm not selfish for wanting so. Reading this drains me. Reading this fills me with inspiration and joy and happiness and pain and anger and sadness.

I hope you don't find it just plain cringe that my emotions work like this. I hope that you reading this find comfort in knowing someone feels this way too. Thank you.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Raphael and madzie!! please I will sell you my firstborn for some Raphael and madzie content. Like him babysitting and sleepovers and playing dress up and watching Disney movies together. Raphael wearing this tiara and him and madzie playing together. Baking and singing together, going on trips to the park together and Raphael just being so happy.-

-Like if you think about it they are technically cousins🤔 with the whole found family thing, Catarina and Magnus are siblings Raphael is Magnus’ son ergo madzie and Raphael are cousins but they still think of each other as siblings. Raphael is her big brother! Please🥺

ok anon i hope you know that you are literally my new favorite person in the whole wide world and this ask is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i will literally never shut the fuck up about raphael and madzie i will make this brotp a thing if it KILLS me just you watch

idk if id say they are technically cousins because i don’t know if catarina and magnus consider themselves siblings - definitely family for sure, but i get the feeling it’s more of a “generic” family feeling rather than a Specific Dynamic you know? but either way this is found family so it’s not like family tree/architecture is actually that stiff and matters that much, RAPHAEL IS MADZIE’S BIG BRO idc

and it’s literally canon that raphael is the best, most thoughtful, caring and dedicated older brother so like!!! honestly it’s what madzie deserves. she has a wonderful mom (two if you subscribe to dotarina raising madzie together <3) and underful uncles and a wonderful brother who is always on her side and would do anything for her, and that! is! fantastic! 

especially because like madzie is implied to be used to big families, since iris was going around making an army of warlocks basically lmao and like of course that was an abusive family dynamic but the point is that she was used to having siblings. but she was also implied to be the eldest and now she is the youngest! and she gets to have a nice big bro who takes care of her and plays with her and has her as a priority and i just 🥺🥺🥺

and god not to be a slut for raphael and rosa but i picture raphael just telling madzie all that he could about rosa?? you know??? he’s all like “you have an older sister too, you know? it’s a shame you never got to meet” and madzie kind of tilts her head and asks him to tell her about it. so raphael does. he sits down with her and shows her pictures of the both of them together from their childhood up until her death, and he tells her all the stories he possibly can. he says, “she would have loved you just as much as me. she always wanted to be someone’s older sister. said she wanted to take care of them like i take care of her” and madzie is all like “she sounds sweet. i wanted to know her, too” and raphael tears up slightly and he’s like “yeah. yeah. me too, cariño” and she hugs him

and like not to slut over this but i like to think that raphael teaches madzie about the monarch butterflies and día de los muertos and one day they are playing outside and a monarch lands on madzie?? and madzie calls it “rosa” and the butterfly is just flying over her head, alternating between her and raphael, for the whole afternoon? and raphael chokes up. fuck it all the legends are true, i love this alright

just like.... obviously raphael’s relationship with madzie is not some kind of substitute for his relationship with rosa, because madzie deserves better than that and no one can be rosa but rosa. raphael loves madzie for madzie, because she is sweet but fierce, extremely intelligent and with a playful/slightly mischievous (in a good way) side that is slowly blooming as time goes by and she heals from her abuse more and more. she is also good, endlessly caring, kind, compassionate, imaginative, affectionate. madzie is madzie and that’s all she needs to be. but the idea that raphael has someone to share rosa with, even if madzie obviously doesn’t feel about her the same way raphael did as they never met, but to bring her into this new family in a way... and let madzie knows that she also has another sibling looking out for her, even if from another plane... that’s nice and good food okay. and i think madzie would want to know about her, just like she tells raphael about her other siblings from when she lived with iris, even if they never got to be too close (cuz i doubt iris would risk letting them become very close and eventually realize her abuse and possibly rebel against her) 

maybe it’s madzie herself who brings it up, she asks raphael about the pictures in his home or about his “ave rosa” plaque 🥺 and he tells her about it and makes sure that she knows that he doesn’t love rosa more or less than he does madzie, just differently. they are both his little sisters no matter what

anyway! onto more rapha&madzie focused headcanons. first of all you are so correct about playing dress up and shit, raphael is a SIMP and a sucker for his lil sis so he absolutely will wear a tiara if she asks no questions asked. simon sees it one time and he doesn’t even consider making fun of him because raphael shoots him a glare that absolutely reads as “i double dare you, motherfucker”. not because uwu girly stuff just because he has this whole serious vibe and there he is with a tiara and tiny braids. we stan

also look i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, raphael absolutely learns how to handle black/kinky hair for madzie. he was used to doing rosa’s hair but that was very likely straight or just wavy hair. madzie’s hair texture is different and raphael makes it a point to learn everything he can about how to take care of it and make hairstyles that she might like and won’t hurt her, okay? and yes i know that madzie straightens her hair but i like to think that over time she stops. i kinda headcanon that one of the reasons she did it was to look closer to iris, plus just the fact that as a white abuser i doubt she exactly planted it on madzie to love her natural hair. but over time living with catarina and being closer to a mostly-poc family and seeing maia and other beautiful black women with their natural hair and/or afro hairstyles, she stops straightening it, and everyone encourages her, raphael included. he even uses that, like, “i’ve been learning how to do these hairstyles for you, you know” and he shows her some and she gets so excited about trying them and it’s great

(initially he has catarina’s supervision, because again black hair is important and even if raphael is a moc he’s still nonblack. but catarina trusts him and he’s always so careful and makes sure to always listen to what she says, asks questions and all but takes notes lmao, so it works) 

and baking!!! i mean look madzie is gonna be naturally prone to liking to bake, as a warlock and shit. and if regular kids already play with making potions, warlock kids are definitely even worse, especially because she does see catarina, dot, and magnus doing that all the time so it’s one of the things that she likes to mimick. and baking is basically potion making but edible and solid lmao. but like she loves it, mixing the batter, adding sprinkles, seeing as the textures change and the taste builds and stuff like that, you know? she’s definitely fascinated by it especially because she does it without magic and it’s just, wow, so cool to her?? and raphael as the cook that he is is more than happy to teach her, bake with her, and see her enthusiasm. raphael with oven mitts taking a batch of cookies out of the oven yall. i need a second

and like i absolutely subscribe to genius madzie because LOOK that girl is endlessly fucking smart and so intelligent especially for her age, not to mention powerful and observant and just, she’s brilliant. and with both catarina and magnus, huge nerd extraordinaires, and possibly maia because i like to pepper in the fact that maia and raphael are dating, she gets all the incentive she could possibly want to want to learn about both mundane science and magical theory

but in short like! raphael getting her those chemistry sets for kids, you know? where you have some recipes and you can mix up ingredients and they change color or otherwise change and shit? my friend had one of those when we were kids and my god i loved it so much, i was just fascinated. i think madzie definitely would love it, and raphael knows that she will, so he takes a whole day off for when he brings her this gift because he knows they will be playing all afternoon. and they do! she’s super excited about it and raphael as usual is all careful and teaching her how to do it properly without spilling and taking the measures appropriately and stuff. and it’s super sweet

initially they follow the recipes and raphael’s autistic ass is just delighted to do that, but madzie quickly starts doing some #improv, and again, because she is a genius, she quickly starts to figure out what each substance does. so she’s texting theories, trying out experimenting, seeing if she’s right, trying to asses her work? you know? basically literally a mini scientist using the scientific method and stuff and raphael is so proud of her and in awe of how smart she is and he tells her that she’s the smartest kid he’s ever met and kisses her forehead and she giggles and is just super excited?? 

also sometimes she asks raphael what he thinks and he’s just like “uhhh” because he has no idea lmao he’s just happy to see her do her thing and help her with the practical parts. and she giggles at him and she’s lowkey outraged but again, she’s just sweet and he loves her

i also 100% think it was madzie who figured out a potion to make raphael able to eat (oh look what is this fic that mentions that doing here) because FUCK mundane raphael all my homies hate mundane raphael, the heavenly fire made him a daylighter. and she could see how sad raphael was that he didn’t get to eat at all, especially because he clearly loved food and he always had this sort of longing when they were cooking together, you know? it also made her sad that he couldn’t try her cooking, and he was always telling her that to cook, you need to always taste what you’re making, and once she says “but you can’t do that” and he looked so sad she immediately felt bad about it, even if obviously it isn’t her fault

anyway my point is she knows how much this means for raphael and she wants him to be able to eat human food again, both for him and for herself. so she spends a long time studying vampire anatomy/digestive system, food properties, and magic, and she eventually figures out a potion that he can take before a meal that makes him able to eat. it goes slowly, initially he can only drink, but eventually she does figure out a way to make him eat anything and he just cries like a baby tbh. she is worried for a second but then he takes her in his arms and hugs her fiercely and peppers kisses on her face and says that this is one of the best things anyone’s ever done for him and that he’ll “forever be in her debt” or something that makes her laugh because raphael doesn’t owe her anything, he’s her brother. and he tears up all over again

of course that takes some years but they’re immortal so who cares. and catarina is SO proud of her little genius for that, too. raphael and maia include the potion as courtesy for any vampire who orders food at taki’s and share the recipe and it’s just a small revolution in the vampire world and madzie is already making history like hot damn. GENIUS MADZIE OKAY

but of course first and foremost she is a kid and deserves to be a kid, i just love her being naturally curious and interesting in researching and learning and stuff. but of course they also play a lot, and keep trying to out-cheat each other as she has magic and he has super abilities and the game becomes more seeing who can cheat the most and get away with it than anything else lol. and it’s its own brand of fun

also, raphael keeps trying to get madzie to eat healthy but the second he averts his eyes she’s like “abrakadabra this is now ice cream” and he’s SO frustrated. absolutely nothing can stop her from doing it. “if you eat these carrots i’ll buy you ice cream later”. guess what she can just turn it into ice cream now. your tactics are meaningless

also madzie playing dressing up! and she wants to be Stylish like her mom and her big bro and her uncle magnus but of course she’s a kid so her sense of style is essentially book magnus lmao but raphael 100% indulges her in all her endeavours and helps her make her outrageous outfits and shit. she likes colorful stuff as we’ve seen and he paints her nails and stuff. sometimes she makes herself mini suits mimicking or straight up matching raphael’s and raphael thinks it’s the cutest thing. especially when she like, imitates his blazer but keeps wearing a boa as well or something. aioudjsauihda i love kids and fashion can you tell

and she sometimes picks out clothes for him and guess what? raphael 100% wears them because it’s madzie and he is s o f t for her

and singing!!! and DANCING!!! there is no way raphael can’t dance no matter how hard he tries to pretend otherwise, and between him, dot, and magnus, madzie just loves to dance and becomes a great dancer in no time. raphael loves twirling her around. also him teaching her the jarabe tapatío you can’t tell me that she wouldn’t be all over that shit. the playing with the dress, the bright colors, dancing around the sombrero.... bitch she would love it. and they have so much fun doing their little improvised version of that and she claps and he has his hands behind his back and has the greatest smile on his face and she’s having so much fun

also raphael loves reading for her!!!! and eventually when they move away from reading books with pictures she starts creating her own “holograms” to illustrate the stories with magic, and raphael is so proud of her!! she’s just immensively creative and makes such beautiful illustrations for the stories and as raphael reads she changes around the setting she’s creating and it’s so fun and they both like it so much?? and she eventually falls asleep on his lap and he tucks her in and kisses her forehead and 🥺🥺

she also likes to paint and idk why but i have a feeling that raphael fucking sucks at painting, so that’s funny and he smiles and says that she has so much more talent than him... 

and every time they are together raphael has the hugest smile on, it just doesn’t leave his face for a second. especially when they are playing outside in the sun and he just so fucking happy and basking in the warmth and playing with her, you know? and as madzie grows older, talking and just chilling together as well? you know? he just loves her so much and his cheeks almost hurt by the end and just aaaaaaaaa they are the sibling dynamic we DESERVE and DEMAND 

[hufflautia]

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know 

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them.  my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help. 

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven