#my one and only Cartman thought lol

[kennytheworkingclasshero]

Cartman is so confusing. This boy is a narcissist and he’s manipulative, he is incredibly antisemitic, racist, sexist and overall not a good person. He seemingly doesn’t care about his friends and will take any opportunity to hurt them and not think twice about it. And yet, he has also shown genuine care for Kenny, Stan and even Kyle. He stopped himself from killing the pangolin when he saw how much Stan was affected from the lockdown, even if that meant he would have to go back to school like normal (which he did not want to happen). He saved a bunch of baby cows because he knew how important it was to Stan, not because he actually cared about the cows liberation. He sobbed when Kenny was sick, he was the one that reached out to Stan and Kyle when he saw how much Kenny was sad that their relationship was dying and took steps to try and mend this. He saved Kyle in Smug Alert! because be “missed” “ripping on him” and showed genuine gratitude when Kyle saved him from getting assaulted, calling him “my little monster” affectionately. These examples don’t even begin to make up for everything that Cartman has done, he is not someone who deserves forgiveness or can even begin to atone for his behaviour, but he very much gives the “I can be a dickhead to you, but no one else can” vibe when it comes to his friends.

[everythingwasnormalhere]

Guys. Guys what if. South Park x SIX The Musical au

[mantequillamcwhoremick]

Probably a common Kenny question but how do you think he'd react/feel if someone admitted to him that they're fully aware of his curse but never said or mentioned anything about it?

LMAO you've hit the spot hahahah I literally have an almost finished Fic Wip exactly about this topic so I've given it LOTS of thought.

Okay first and foremost: Kenny isn't a very reactive guy. He's pretty good at keeping his negative emotions in check, probably owed to his upbringing where he always had to be the sane, calm and collected one to endure his home life (parentification let's go!!!). Instances like in the Coon & Friends trilogy (where he lashes out at Kyle) are pretty unique and rare, the only other time he gets similarly angry and acts on it happens in "Poor and Stupid" where Cartman mocks both NASCAR fans and people in poverty.

Deadass when his friends ditched him for Halloween bc he couldn't afford a phone for the e-scooter (ep "The Scoots") he wasn't even mad, even though he had every reason to be. He was just sad. Similarly in Post Covid; he revealed he'd been pissed at his friends for giving up on their broship, but what did he do? He studied and researched for decades how to go back in time and fix it, and post-mortem he left the option open for THEM to continue his work.

My headcanon is that he tried and learned to be the calm one so Karen could have some semblance of stability in their home, but this situation you're describing wouldn't require him to stay strong for Karen (unless it's Karen that would remember his death). I'd say this is a pretty solid conclusion, drawn from his behavior in episodes like "The Poor Kid" and "The City Part of Town" (which ig are the only Karen and Kenny centric episodes lol). I still think (because of "Going Native" and how he handled Butters' emotional issues) that Kenny simply defaults to understanding and a rational caretaker role, no matter the person. Heck, he was even kind enough to leave Cartman his PSP (ep "Best Friends Forever") because he feels bad for Cartman's loneliness. If you have empathy with an IRL Cartman, there's no one you wouldn't be understanding with.

Having an analysis of Kenny's temper tendencies out of the way, I'm gonna move on to the next statement: I think it might slightly depend on WHO this hypothetical person was, the one who "admitted to him that they're fully aware of his curse but never said or mentioned anything about it."

There's two main reasons that this could even happen:

1: The person is so freaked out by this situation that they were afraid to say anything for a long time, they possibly even thought they might be insane and imagining things

2: The person is Cartman

And because I kinda analyzed this in my fic (not yet published), I'm gonna reference it a little and explain my decisions.

The fic's premise is that in a sudden turn, Butters remembers Kenny's last death. Butters freaks out when he sees Kenny come back and after initially lashing out at Kenny thinking he's a ghost coming to haunt him (like in "The Death of Eric Cartman"), he later apologizes to Kenny, concluding he just imagined his death and is insane. (Butters has been conditioned to not trust his mind & brain, assigned mental disorders when there's nothing wrong with him in the aforementioned episode as well as in "City Sushi", so I felt that this makes sense) This makes Butters a perfect contestant for scenario 1.

What did I have Kenny do? Well, in my fic Kenny is overjoyed to finally have someone that would believe him about his curse, but that's not the scenario you provided. But given Kenny's temper patterns and savior complex/caretaker tendencies (gestures at the entire Mysterion arc and anything to do with Karen, including the TFBW DLC "From Dusk Til Casa Bonita", and also "Going Native" where he swiftly accepts his role as support system for Butters), I find it pretty solid to assume he would show a lot of understanding for why the person didn't say anything before. It's a lot to digest to watch someone die, even more if they just... come back? And everyone else acts like nothing happened? On SEVERAL occasions?? Like, Kenny is the first to relate to that sentiment. He'd be understanding about everything the person would be confused & distressed about, and also the reasons why they didn't say anything before.

After Kenny gets his understanding & patient savior complex stuff out of the way, I imagine him slowly going insane trying to figure out WHY this person remembers. That's the second part of the premise in my fic; Kenny and Butters try to figure out why Butters remembers, and why now, and Kenny's main motive is because he wants to find a way for his best friends to remember. The Coon & Friends trilogy proves that Kenny is very distressed by Stan and Kyle not remembering, they mean a lot to him. He feels safer and more comfortable with them than probably with his own family. In my fic, his attempts at figuring out why Butters remembers end up with no results and Kenny slowly starts losing it, lashing out at his friends for feelings of resentment he had long buried and his rational temper control starts cracking more and more. I feel like this is how he'd react in any case of anyone remembering his death, as long as it's not Stan or Kyle. I doubt either Stan or Kyle would ever even wind up as the person to be aware of his curse and not tell him. Especially not Kyle.

Scenario 2 is if Kenny found out that Cartman remembers, has remembered since forever, and never said a word. In my fic (spoiler alert?) Kenny doesn't even deal with Cartman. He just goes straight home to pull out his gun and shoot himself lmaooo he does this because he wants to talk to Satan in Hell and demand answers, bc he doesn't know who else to turn to. In Chaos Plan I have a bit where I describe my take on Kenny's general feelings towards Cartman canonically showing signs of remembering his deaths, and the quote goes like this:

"Kenny often wonders if Cartman does remember his deaths, but is simply too much of a shithead to say anything about them." (Chaos Plan chapter 17)

Kenny is a big "Do no harm but take no shit" kinda guy when it comes to Cartman. He doesn't fight him when it's pointless and prefers to preserve his energy (unlike Kyle), but he does call him out on his bullshit occasionally (at least when it's targeted against Kenny and/or his family). Kenny is also scarily emotionally mature for a 9/10 year old (makes sense bc of his upbringing) so I doubt he'd get his hopes up about ever getting some kind of compassion or collaborative effort from Cartman to figure out what's up with his curse's mechanics. While Kenny and Cartman have an interesting friendship, and Kenny is kind of Cartman's soft spot, I can still imagine Kenny thinking "sure, my luck that the worst possible person remembers my deaths and no one else" and kind of be apathetic about it, kind of like he is by the end of the Coon & Friends trilogy before he shoots himself lmaoooo

So yeah, that's what I think :)) You said the question is common but honestly if it is, then it's for good reason because it's one of the most interesting ones the entire show of South Park has provided. I'm probably biased lol but still, thank you so much for the ask anon <3 I hope you weren't expecting a short answer ahahahahah

[randomsufff]

HEHAHBFKI More South Park doodles I think I’m going insane.

Actually this is kind of the product of me being liking South Park way back in high school but was too embarrassed to draw them when I was bored in class and now it’s all kinda flooding back 💀

Read below if you want to know more about my New Kid and my thoughts behind some of the doodles cause this turned out longer then I though 💀

Anyways- introducing my New Kid. No name cause I literally have no idea. Whatever the cannon name is ig- though I’d think it’d be funny if she was referred to New Kid by literally everyone like in game. I like the idea that a lot of people have with their New Kids that they liked the makeover section with the girls during the Stick of Truth a little too much. I also like it cause… uh… I didn’t play Stick of Truth. (The combat system is not my cup of tea) So it’s not until the start of TFBW does she know shes really a girl.

To give context to the top right drawing- I couldn’t remember the dialogue Wendy says in the alleyway if you say you’re a trans girl- but I do know what she says if your a cis girl (I always knew you were a girl) cause I did a second play through as a cis girl. And I don’t know if there’s supposed to be a huge time jump between the end of Stick of Truth and TFBW but I think it would be funny if it was just the next day- so combine these two fact to get “Wendy always clocked New Kid as a girl but NK just found out yesterday 💀”

Anyways- she’s such a cutie, I love her and her cool superhero outfit I gave her. Outside of the game- I’d like to think of her basically exactly how she acts in game. Mostly non-verbal, with the occasional zingy one liner, and just kinda goes along with the crazy shit the happens in South Park un phased. Like if she was in a episode- the plot would happen and she would be on screen, but wouldn’t say anything, and anytime another character would address her, they’d respond however as if she spoke lmao. Aroace, just like me, so she’s just friends with everyone (except Cartman) and vibes with everyone.

The mini Style comic I though of cause 1) I wondered if Kyle had the same elf ears as the other elfs did in game (again, never played and it’s been a while since I saw gameplay so whoops if it’s confirmed or whatever) and 2) I thought it would be funny if Stan was caught lacking and tried to /rp his way out of it (I wanted to add an extra bit where Kyle would be like “Oh, are our characters gay for each other??? (ARE YOU /SRS OR /J STAN)” and Stan would have to just “yes, and” his way out.)

The last three images were kinda of a stream of consciousness put on paper and made neat lol. I really like showing that all the costumes the kids wear are homemade and stuff- either stuff taken from their parents or visibly taped together etc- cause I think it’s charming. Anyways- I though Kyle’s little robe could be like one of his parents bath robe- and it would be a little too long for him to run without eating shit so he’d have to hike it up like a skirt/dress. Which lead to me thinking that Cartman would say some shit about that and how Kyle, who has a literal Golf Club, would smack his ass up. Which then lead to me thinking about how since Kyle’s the Elf King and Stan’s basically his right hand how he might lift it up wedding dress style if needed (/RP GUYS, RIGHT?RIGHT???) and how Cartman would react, which lead to that one JoJo meme cause thats literally how they’d retaliate.

Always- I’ll probably have at least one more post about South Park I swear. There was a period of time before I stopped watching (I gotta pick it up again) where I would doodle a bit of whatever was happening in the episode, each episode. Crazy I know, but not only did it improve my drawing skills but it helped me remember what actually happened in episodes cause I have shit memory and definitely don’t remember some of the episodes I watched. So I might redraw some of those- see if anyone can tell what episode they’re from.

[wendytestabrat]

kyle LOVES cartman's determined attitude

what i rlly liked abt the end of obesity special was it showed once again how all of the shit kyle acts like he hates about cartman is what he actually loves, as i've talked about before 483836738 times. kyle actually loves cartman's unapologeticness and sass even though he shits on him A LOT for it, evidenced by the the fact that he gets all annoyed when cartman starts suddenly acting good LOL (i.e stunning & brave, all of season 20, and post covid). but mainly what he loves about cartman is his DETERMINATION. as i've talked about before, that's one of the main things C&K have in common is they're both EXTREMELY stubborn and passionate and never give up when they set their mind to something (and i analyzed this in their MBTI types bc they're both Js) even if they're both fighting for completely opposite things and this special RLLY emphasized how much kyle shares that trait in common with cartman when the insurance guy is like "i didn't realize i was dealing with someone who had so much determination" LOL. i remember i talked abt in a rant once a longass time ago how that's the main thing cartman loves about kyle and i used the moment in imaginationland where cartman is like "KAHL YOU'VE NEVER WALKED AWAY FROM ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE!1!1!" as evidence, but i've never rlly talked much about how much kyle appreciates that trait in cartman too. this special rlly showed how kyle LOVES cartman's tough boisterous obnoxious attitude and he appreciates his persistence in getting pretty much anything he wants. that's why kyle was DISAPPOINTED to see cartman so upset and easily giving up when he couldn't get the weight loss drug. he doesn't understand how cartman is tough and has willpower with literally everything EXCEPT his health (and other things that are good for him such as his school grades, i mean according to kyle bc i don't give a shit about grades either) LOL. that pep talk kyle gave cartman about being tough rlly helped cartman and got through to him bc fighting for the shit he wants is his whole thing and kyle was reminding him who the fuck he is. (yeah heidi could never lol). the fact that kyle even thought of that as something good to give cartman advice on, shows it's something he's observed and even ADMIRED about him over the years. so that's how we know in all of those moments when kyle would shit on cartman for being bad, breaking the rules, and always needing to get his way that he was just full of shit and lying bc he likes it LOL. like i remember back in "scott tenorman must die" how kyle kept telling cartman to let it go and drop it when he saw how cartman wasn't giving up and kept trying over and over to get his $10 back from scott, but the fact that kyle was even observing how much cartman wouldn't give up, shows how much this trait about cartman rlly stood out to him and INTRIGUED him. and the main reason why cartman's tenacity interested kyle so much and he was going out of his way to shit on him for it is bc kyle knows damn well he can be like that too, so either he was shitting on cartman for being overly tenacious bc he's insecure that he has that quality in himself, or he just secretly admires the trait in cartman and doesn't know how to process it (it's probably both) LOL. i'm sure kyle liked how there was finally someone else in south park, let alone in his friend group, that's as persistent as him and can match his energy bc he's tired of being the only one in town who's extremely extra lol. this DEF goes hand in hand with that rant i did a while back about how the reason why kyle hates seeing cartman sad and it hits him way harder than when he sees stan sad is bc he's used to seeing cartman's tough over-the-top extroverted personality and LOVES that about him even though he won't admit it, and this special just further proves my point. so thank you once again matt & trey for proving me right for the 47383573838 time.

[junkyarddawgz]

I'd love to know which of my fics (only one is currently up on ao3) I should prioritize based on what people like most, so I thought I'd leave it up to you guys here! Full descs are under the poll and cut.

Mortalizer: This fic gets deep but when things start to get chaotic outside of Kenny's own crisis, the action really picks up. I have so much plot going for this story and I'm really excited about it lol. Apart from dying, there will be lots of Crenny and Style, lots of character development, interactions with the Goth Kids, interesting disguises, hero-Cartman, friendly kidnapping, climbing through bedroom windows, etc. Currently there are nine chapters up on my AO3 (junkyarddawgz)

Heres the AO3 Desc

Kenny McCormick discovers he's been rejected by death. As denial drives him mad, he begins to toy with his own life- until a series of horrifying crimes remind him that not everyone comes back from the grave. Or... One year ago, Kenny's entire life fell apart, and the new version of it is not worth living. Every time he tries to end it, though, he only wakes up again; alive and with a beating heart. No one even remembers he was ever dead... that he knows of. After weeks of dying almost every day, two new things happen too close together to be coincidence; someone else is dead, and another anonymous someone seems to know Kenny has been too. He hardly even gets a chance to panic before things start to get way worse, and Kenny realizes he might be the only person who can stop whoever is behind it all. (Mysterion vs Serial killer)

Creek Fic (Untitled): When something goes way wrong with young NASA astronaut Craig Tucker's mission Feldspar, he finds himself trapped in an endless solo mission that should only have lasted 28 days. With NASA refusing to keep him in the loop about what the hell is even going on, he is surprised to discover he actually looks forward to those informationless ground-control calls each day. Maybe he just misses human contact, or maybe there really is something more behind his infatuation with that one twitchy, blond ground-control agent.

I wrote that desc just now, but it probably won't be the same one I write in for the eventual AO3 upload. No I don't have an outline or even really a full plot going for this one yet, but I do have a general idea of what it might be. Soooo.... slowburn, angsty, trapped in space Creek fic, anyone?

Children on the Edge of Forever: A tragic spin on the season 2 episode "City on the Edge of Forever" (which is itself titled after a Star Trek episode) in which instead of telling silly stories while they sit in the bus hanging off the edge of a cliff and wait for Miss Crabtree's return, the kids find themselves confessing deep honesties in their last moments before the bus finally gives in to the temptation of gravity. Confessions range from those of love- requited or not, personal identities, crimes, and final forgivenesses. Each chapter is written in the POV of one kid on the bus (I'll be doing about 12 of them) with a final chapter detailing their shared ending.

Yes, they do all die in the end, but that doesn't mean we can't have Style, Creek and Bendy fluff before their final demise lol. I haven't written an official desc yet, but the first chapter should be up before the end of December regardless of poll results (simply because it's already mostly written).

Totally Killer AU (Untitled): This one is based on the 2023 slasher film Totally Killer, which was ALMOST a good movie lol. I decided to make it actually good. Heres the AO3 desc:

When the decade of materialism and Madonna finally began to draw the curtains of a close, three teenagers at South Park high had their lives brought to their own abrupt ends. The face of their killer is never unmasked, slipping away through the cracks of passing time. 35 years later, as the third decade of the century hits a halfway point, a fourth victim is claimed to mark the killer's return. Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski find themselves thrown not only in the middle of it all (and maybe even at each other), but also back in time- to the point just before everything first began.

TIME TRAVEL STYLE!!! This one is going to be so good because I'll be writing their parents as teenagers and showing so much background. I feel like fresh characters (or fresh versions of them at least) in a South Park fic is something you rarely see, so I think it will be fun to try and pull off.

Anyway, this fic involves Stan and Kyle working together to try and prevent the first murders from ever happening so as to save the fourth victim from dying in the future. Theres angst and fluff to come no matter who dies lol.

[komipacket]

HEY GUYS CALM DOWN!! IM ALIVE!!

Im alive and have a little comic to share with you!!! (who knows maybe ill continue its really sketchy and easy to draw...🤔🤔🤔 )

So my idea is the whole episode Cartman is shifts his responsibility and ignoring how he feels and how he thinks. Have you noticed the way he says that all antisemistic and nazi ideas are not his but cupid’s? We already know that cupid cartman is not real and its all in Cartmans head, and we actually see it in the scene at Tolkien’s house. He is projecting the whole episode by saying that his thoughts and feelings are not his. And now we came to an interesting moment!

Next (this for now)

Am i the only one who thought the last episode was actually really good? Anyways this comic is basically my view on happening in the new episode! I thought it was kinda strange how Cartman was motivated to help Stan. Yeah at first it was so out of nowhere! 

But Cartman... Cartman is acting reeeeaaaally weird about it! So thats why i wanted to make a little comic with my thoughts! Hope you enjoyed my dozen of text ranting about new episode!!!

Catman is actively saing that Stan is jealous when the he doesnt really look that sad y’know? And if you say that Cartman really cares about stan and hes seeing how he feels bc hes his friend and stuff like that I WONT BELIEVE YOU lol (that sounds ridicules even now) Thats CARTMAN were talking about, i dont think hes that good at empathy... Hes clearly projecting his thoughts at Stan!

And if we get back to Stan i mean he could indeed be jealous! Its actually pretty normal, kyle is his friend and Stan while being left alone have all rights to feel this way. But hes reacting to Kyle hanging out with Tolkien pretty calm and understanding. He knows that Tolkien is cool bc he was almost in the Kyle’s place, only hanging out with him. And he respects Kyle’s choice yknow! So hes trying to be nice about it (in my interpretation hes even typing comments to kyle and tolkien like “really cool!👍” even if he doesn’t really like it)

[casmick-consequences]

Black Pete, my beloved

This is just gonna be a post where I talk about Black Pete from 'Our Flag Means Death' and his arc on the show (so far!!!!), as well as what he means to me. (And by post, I mean essay, lol. I'm passionate.)

So right from the get-go, you immediately see the kind of character Pete is set up to be. Stereotypical rugged pirate, very much "I live to loot and plunder and I eat danger and bloodshed for breakfast". He's immediately set up to be someone who is very unlikeable, and someone who you would get annoyed with fast. An overly confident macho character that thinks he's better than everyone else, yet has nothing to prove it. Think characters like Nelson Muntz from 'The Simpsons' or Eric Cartman from 'South Park'.

In episode 1, you see him being the character to effectively try to start a mutiny because he thinks the captain, Stede Bonnet, is incompetent and unfit to be a captain, even confidently stating that he'd take over in his stead because 'he's the most experienced'.

If there was one character trait to shadow all of this, though, it is undoubtedly his idolization and admiration for the dreaded and feared pirate; Captain Blackbeard. He makes up stories of him having been on his crew, and this being the reason as to why he is so skilled and great. Whether these stories are true is never mentioned, but nonetheless not a single person (except the quite gullible captain Stede) believes a word he says.

What is SO interesting about his character, however, is that all of this is just a first look into his character. It's a first impression. Yes, throughout the show he shall always have his little moments of "being a dick", but the further you get into the show, the more you see the layers of him.

We've established he's kind of a dick, he's self-centered, delusional... but under all this there's actually the sweetest core you could imagine. Whenever he does something wrong, or he offends someone, he's the first to apologize as soon as he can.

Accidentally stab Frenchie's flag during an ambitious attempt to start a mutiny? Show remorse and say I'm sorry immediately. Your captain makes someone cry? Tell him that that wasn't okay and console the crying person as soon as possible. Your captain wants to put a cursed suit onto other innocent people, just to lift the curse from themselves? Question it because it makes you feel like a horrible person.

And even to Stede himself. In Season 1, it was pretty clear that Pete did not think anything of Stede. He thought he was dumb, incompetent etc etc and loved NOTHING more than the idea to get rid of him. But then in Season 2, where a very offensive comment is made towards Stede by the newly-back-from-the-sorta-dead scribe, Lucius Spriggs, who now holds a vendetta against Stede because he's indirectly the reason Lucius had to come sorta back from the dead in the first place, you see him like this:

He is visibly uncomfortable here, while in season 1, he would've jumped on the Anti-Stede train in a SECOND. But here, he just sits and tries to kind of get rid of the thick tension of that moment, and get the negative attention away from Stede. GROWTH.

Not only that, but (and this is gonna be an insanely weird opinion of mine but hear me out): out of all the crewmembers on Stede's ship, I might say that none of them are as much like Stede than Pete is. Stede is quite dumb, quite gullible, obsessed with Blackbeard, very much wants to be a "big, strong pirate" and despite all of this still manages to be kind to the people around him and makes sure to take care of others just like he takes care of himself. To me, that sounds just like Pete.

And, maybe one of his most redeeming qualities:

He is the sweetest, most loving and most caring partner on the ship.

Lucius is pretty much what you think of when you hear the words "sassy gay sidekick". He's sassy, he's queer, he's confident, he's very flirtatious and basically the LAST person you'd think to pair with Pete. He's also immediately portrayed as likeable, and is understandably one of the absolute favorites in the entire fandom.

They sound like the crackiest pair of them all. And yet somehow, they work perfectly together. They balance eachother out like two sides of the same coin. What Pete lacks in self-awareness, Lucius got enough for the both of them. What Lucius lacks in pirate skills, Pete has heaps to keep them both safe. And so on and so forth.

Throughout the show, Pete has learned to put someone else before him for once. It used to always be him as number one, but it becomes very clear that he now has a new number one. His number one.

There are lots of reasons why this relationship in particular means a lot to me. The main one being the way that they are perceived in the show.

Pete has a cleft lip, a bit of a lisp, a bald head, and overall just isn't what you'd normally expect from a TV show that depicts gay characters. He's average-looking. He's just some guy. And despite all of this, he gets to be in a sweet and loving relationship with his cute boyfriend who loves him, adores him, and looks at Pete like he's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Lucius himself isn't really that conventionally attractive either, but this fandom definitely perceives him better than they do Pete. Which is apparent in the way they pair him up with other, more conventionally attractive people, which is upsetting but hey. That's how the world works, I guess.

But it's the way these two are not perfect in any way, they're just two dudes on a ship who happen to be in the most beautiful relationship imaginable. Their relationship isn't perfect either, but it's perfect enough. They're just like a regular couple you'd see anywhere in real life. Nothing too fabricated, and it all just feels so real. Which is also why they remind me so much of my personal relationship with my beautiful, amazing partner whom I love more than anything in the world. The Lucius to my Pete.

Pete means a lot to me because, aside from having the best oneliners in the show and making me want to study him in a lab, in a way I see a lot of myself in him. I like to think I'm not nearly as delusional or self-centered as him, but the way he engages with the world around him feels just so familiar to me.

He's a bit dumb most of the time, and he's prone to make mistakes, but he always means well. He keeps up a hard, rough exterior to be able to protect his loved ones and look tough to others, yet in his core he is so incredibly sensitive and caring He found love in a place and time where it pretty much could've been impossible, and he spreads that love as far as his bare, sleeveless arms can reach.

He's a dick, but he's my dick. He whittled his boyfriend a damn finger, he deserves to be a little obnoxious every now and again as a treat.

So yeah. Black Pete does not NEARLY get the appreciation and recognition he deserves. And neither does his relationship with Lucius. And I wanna thank Matthew Maher for his incredible performance of this incredible character. Thank you!

(Also he's trans because I'm trans and I said so <3 ok bye)

[kestalsblog]

Stan/Kyle/Cartman Drabble 🗻🌲

I needed a break, so I gave myself a reward of writing some today. I was struck with this scene a little while ago. I'd been wanting to try Style for a while, but I just love my guy Cartman too much to leave him out 🙈🥰 So, enjoy some . . . Styleman?? LOL. 🏕️

Contains suggestive content and a bit of mature language. Best for 18+. Nothing graphic. I don't post anything explicit on Tumblr.

Normally Stan loved camping with his friends. The fresh mountain air, the indigo-greens of the night sky, the cricket song. The way he could look at the wild, open landscape and not feel insignificant because out here, everyone was insignificant.

Hell, coming out this far in the forest pines had been his idea, but if past-him could have looked into the future's crystal ball, he sure wouldn't be freezing his ass off in a lonely sleeping bag just so he could listen to Cartman and Kyle get it off together in the tent beside his. Feeling his teeth clash together, sensitive from the cold, he cursed Kenny for turning down the invitation. At least then he wouldn't be so hopelessly alone.

Cartman and Kyle's silhouettes flickered across his own tent wall like two candle flames. Sometimes they intertwined; other times, they shivered apart. Stan could hear their muffled whispers and giggles, punctuated by Kyle's occasional petulant shh!

Looking back, Stan wasn't sure when the nature of their relationship had changed - if it had ever changed at all, for that matter. Maybe it had been like this as long as they'd known each other, and he'd just missed the signs.

Earlier in the evening, Kyle and Cartman been bickering in their usual fashion over the snacks Cartman had brought, how well Kyle had pitched the tent (which had started a slew of sexual innuendos from Cartman that had Kyle ready to commit murder), and Stan had been convinced things might be like the old days again.

At least like before college, back when things felt normal. But no, those days were gone, and Stan didn't know why, but he felt his eyes burn when he thought about how those years were never, ever returning. Now Cartman and Kyle couldn't fight without the heated exchange ending in an intense make-out session or a half-concealed fuck in Kenny's closet at a house party.

He hated himself for wishing they'd go back to hating each other. At least then he wouldn't feel left out.

On the bright side, the tears were keeping Stan somewhat warm. Octobers in South Park could unleash unforgiving weather. Normally he didn't mind sitting in the cold until he went numb - he even relished it - but now it was only painful.

Kyle let out an exceptionally loud yelp, followed by Cartman's ruthless snickering. Stan let his eyes drift back to the outlines of their bodies displayed across the fabric tent wall. At some point, their shape had become one.

Stan turned on his side so he couldn't see them anymore. A few tears ran from his eyelashes into his lip, and he tasted salt mixed with the marshmallows from earlier. Maybe he shouldn't have invited both of them. Kyle probably would have come alone, maybe even Cartman. He gripped himself tighter, huddling under the sleeping bag's cover. None of it made sense, Cartman and Kyle . . . Kyle and Cartman . . .

He was Kyle's best friend, the one who had always been kind to him. For fuck's sake, he'd even been there for Cartman growing up too. What had they done for each other except make both their lives miserable?

But now . . . now he listened to a small, slightly stifled moan, probably from Kyle, and he wished he'd never suggested coming camping altogether, not if the only things to keep him warm were his cheap sleeping bag, his tears, and his jealousy. Maybe the two of them were better off being here without him. He should just pack his stuff and go home.

"Shh, shh, Stan can hear us," Cartman's voice suddenly rang clearly, interrupting some scampering night creature nearby their tents.

"It's not like he doesn't know," followed Kyle, but then his voice became gentler when he called out, "Stan?"

Was it better to pretend to be asleep? Fear grazed Stan's cheek in the form of a frigid breeze that trespassed the tent's opening. Both Cartman and Kyle were suddenly quiet, and the change in atmosphere only lowered Stan's feelings. If he weren't here, they could be having unrestrained fun together. He really should just go home.

Fear escalated to terror when an obscenely loud sniffle escaped his nostril.

"Stan?" gasped Kyle's voice, louder now.

Stan turned with a jolt to see Cartman and Kyle break apart from one another and start emerging from their tent to come to his. Sure enough, within seconds, Kyle's face popped through the tent's slot. His wild hair was spiraling in untamed curls around his head, and his cheeks were rosy pink. "Are you crying?" Kyle's eyes widened with concern. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, what gives, dude?" Cartman's face poked in next, directly under Kyle's. If Stan weren't heavy with his own sorrows, he might have found the image comical. "Lonely in here, Stan?" he joked, but the quip went straight through Stan's heart.

I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry. Stan felt his nostrils quivering, his eyebrows. Could he blame the cold, and would they believe him if he did?

"Stan, that's not true, is it Are you lonely?" asked Kyle, nudging his way into the tent. He sat next to Stan's lantern, only a few inches away because there wasn't much room. "I mean, it'll be a tight fit, but we can all hang out. I thought you liked your space . . ."

"Or you could join us." Cartman's jack-o-lantern smirk cracked across his face.

"Isn't that what I literally just suggested?" snapped Kyle, shooting him a side eye as if his entire neck wasn't covered with his love bites.

"No, you were just saying we could all have a sleepover," fake-yawned Cartman. "I'm suggesting, if the poor guy is lonely, that he join us." There was no mistaking the sly undertone. Stan felt unforeseen heat overtake his face when Cartman directed a flirtatious wink in his direction.

"W-What are you saying?" Stan hated the sound of his voice. He hated how harshly he was now gripping the cover of his sleeping bag, and how some not-so-small, shameful piece of himself was yearning, straining to be included, to be . . . What am I thinking? His heart beat violent rhythms through his ears. Ugly sound. No wonder no one wanted him; he was embarrassing.

"Oh my God, Stan, I'm sorry about him," Kyle started, flustered now himself. "He's just being, well, Cartman."

"Oh, come on." Cartman rolled his eyes, which had assumed an oddly comforting caramel coloration in the lantern light. "Don't tell me you've never thought about Stan that way. We both have."

"What?" Stan heard his voice lift an octave, followed by Cartman's devious laughter and Kyle's stuttering.

"I-I mean, it's just . . ." Kyle's voice went nowhere.

"Come on, just picture it." Cartman lifted his hands as if he were painting the image in the air for them to see. "These romantic ass woods and mountains and nature and shit. The three of us doing it like animals? Shit, it's a wet dream, if you ask me." His tongue rolled over his lips with sinister slowness, and Stan would never admit to the way his heart leapt over a few beats at the sight. Surely this was some kind of terrible prank; neither of them had expressed wanting to be with him in the past, even if many of his own nights had been spent in painful pining to join them.

He knew they weren't particularly monogamous. He wasn't even sure if they saw themselves as a real couple, and he'd always been a little heartbroken trying to piece together what was so unappealing about him that he'd never turned their heads that way. Hadn't he shown that he cared for them both? Wasn't he a nice enough person? It had to be the inherent ugliness he knew lurked under his skin, the repulsive something-or-other about him that made him unlovable, untouchable. He was embarrassing. He was -

"Don't mock me like this," he tried to say without crying, but Kyle must have detected the tear in his voice because he suddenly crawled forward and took his hand. Kyle had held his hand before. Right now, it felt different. His fingers gripped Stan's, squeezing.

"Stan, I'd never do that. You know how much you mean to me." His eyes were so close to Stan's, right there, a dark shade of green that reminded Stan of the trees and grass he loved so dearly. Lily pads. His eyes were like lily pads in dark water. He'd never seen such eyes on anyone else. "I know Eric has a fucking horrible way of suggesting it, but . . . if you're lonely in here, I mean, and if you want to . . ." His face blossomed with red. "I can't say I haven't . . . ever thought about it, is all. The three of us." He cleared his throat. "You're my best friend. You're, uh . . ."

"You've thought about it?" Stan wasn't sure how much more new information he could take. If his voice went any higher, he was pretty sure he'd go through some kind of reverse puberty. His ears rang.

"Oh, be serious, Stan. You can't deny you're hot as fuck. A real dreamboat with that classic look of yours. Plus, you have that good- boy sweet vibe about you," Cartman added, causing Stan to jump at the sudden closeness of his voice. He felt it tickle his earlobe. When the hell had he moved so quickly and silently to his other side? Encased between the two of them, Stan felt his heart racing and his previous tears searching for a place to go. "Prime for corruption, if you ask me." Cartman's voice sank a few levels; Stan felt his lips ghost down his ear to his neck, and he jumped closer to Kyle.

"It doesn't have to be like that," cried Kyle, exasperated, reaching a gloved hand to cup at Stan's cheek. The warmth of his hand radiated through the fabric. "Like I said before, you know how much I care about you. We only have to do this if you want to." His eyes simmered. "We can be slow."

Even Cartman, to his credit, paused by Stan's neck, clearly waiting for some form of permission to continue. Stan searched for the words to respond, his mind grasping nothing. All he could think about were the parties he had spent watching the two of them kiss while he sat twisted with sharp pains, the nights he had walked home alone, the loneliness like a smog he couldn't shake off his shoulders. How that smog followed him absolutely fucking everywhere.

Such were his thoughts when he whispered, his voice dispersing like fading fog on the syllable, "Yes."

Cartman surged in like a shark then, his parted lips and teeth clamping into the soft, open skin of Stan's neck. At the same moment, Kyle muttered, "Oh, Stan, I've been waiting for this," and then gently pressed their mouths together.

So much was happening - Stan felt his pulse quicken even further. His temperature elevated, and he couldn't believe he'd been cold ten minutes ago. The heat of Eric's mouth, scented faintly of chocolate, fastened to his skin while he tasted the bright spearmint flavor of Kyle's lips. Underneath the mint, he detected subtle cocoa. Realizing that flavor must have come from Cartman's candy bar earlier and yet he was tasting it through Kyle's mouth sent Stan's thoughts into madness.

Kyle's mouth was exceedingly gentle, his lips slowly but, with defined pressure, moving against his. Is this what Cartman felt all the time from him? Kyle was kissing him, his best friend. The person he'd spent his whole life beside. A person he loved. Kyle.

Stan felt a little dizzy trying to keep up with his shifting emotions when Cartman nipped at his neck. He gasped into Kyle's mouth.

"He's so innocent," teased Cartman. He licked a quick trail up the length of Stan's throat, making him shudder all over again. "So cute. This is gonna be fun." Stan wasn't even sure what to think of Cartman, how to explain the fierce arousal he felt when he'd watched Kyle and Cartman make out. There was a commanding aspect to his personality he couldn't quite fathom, some alluring fantasy of being overpowered associated with his expressive gestures.

"Don't go rushing this," ordered Kyle, the usual warning vexation returning to his tone when he pulled backward some. Stan, breathing hard, noticed a new shine to his eyes he'd never noticed before. He thought he'd known every side of Kyle once. "I want to take my time with this." He was speaking to Cartman, but his eyes were settled on Stan.

Stan was struck with the abrupt realization that he was not simply being looked at - he was being studied. As if Kyle were waiting for the right moment to devour him. These were the looks he'd been craving, this was the attention, and now that it was here, all here, and he was voiceless, helpless. He felt his shoulders tremble under their hands like the falling pine needles outside. His skin reddened beneath their vigilant eyes. He had no idea what to do, which moves to make.

He'd been so utterly convinced a moment like this would never come for him that it all felt like some cruel magic trick the forest was playing on him, almost as if he'd wished so hard for something, he was hallucinating it now.

"Don't worry," Cartman said, his voice more soothing than Stan had ever heard. He hadn't known he was even capable of comfort. Did he really know his two friends at all? "We'll take good care of you, sweetheart." And then somehow, Stan was kissing Cartman - the sweet taste of his tongue coating his mouth like velvet chocolate. Someone's hands were in his hair - Kyle's? - and before he knew it, his head was being shifted from one side to the other, both of them taking turns kissing him. Their mouths were both burning, blazing, even. They both tasted good. Chocolate mint. Stan felt his lips slacken. What to do, what to do?

At some point, he could no longer keep up with which mouth belonged to whom, which long fingers and strong palms were tugging at his coat collar and his hair. He registered through his swimming, unfocused-brain rush of desire the chorusing of insects somewhere beyond the tent.

Was this sweet, tingling taste the flavor of devotion?

If I ever continued this, the rest would have to go to Ao3. Too steamy for here 😳 I hope you enjoyed 🤭🥰🙈 🍫🍵

[missuswalker]

DUDE ALL OF UR WRITINGS ARE SO GOOD u literally make Stan sound like a loser AND HE IS!!!! AND I EAT IT UP ITS SO FUNNY AGAIAHJAHQIA THE JUMPSCARE TOO😭😭😭

Could I req hcs of Stan (the slimy. The STINK.) and Kyle (I feel like he always has a prominent forehead vein from all the rage he has in his body) separate with some mutual pining w a f!reader that’s suuuuuper flirty n zesty w her friends like saying some out of pocket goofy shit like barking n meowing or “I’m hard” or like “I need u carnally.” LOL but also gets easily flustered when flirted back with??? I will kiss the ground u walk upon btw (thank you sm I’m literally up at 3:37 giggling thinking of when u post a response to this)

i'm in love with you for this YOU GUYS THINK UP THE GOOD SHIT

stan and kyle with a flirty reader

✮ summary: stan and kyle crushing on a flirty reader (who gets flustered when flirted back with)

✮ warnings: sexual jokes LMAO

kyle broflovski

i can't imagine him getting all "omg i- i- i- i- 😱😱" over it

like thats not happening

his face will get red, yes

but he's not gonna get super flustered over it

he'll be like "🫥😧" and side eye the hell out of you

it's funny to him sometimes, but also, if he's already pissed off, it's just annoying

"damn, tryna take it to the temple? 😏" "y/n, shut the fuck up."

but that only encourages you to do it more

but it makes him think he's not special since you flirt with your friends, too

"bebe, you can be my baybay if you know what i mean 😏😏 just call me mommy 😁"

and then gets upset and hopes you come flirt with him

the first time he flirted back, it was like you shut down

"why ask for my number when you can just call me a good girl" "i bet you'd like that wouldn't you"

IT WOULD SIMPLY BE THAT, NOT EVEN THAT INTENSE

you'd almost start doing the butters foot kick thing like in the episode where he had to partner up with cartman

"what 😁 huh 🥰 say that again? 😊"

he'd think it was so funny

his rizz isn't bad either so it's even worse

would pull the "you don't have anything to say, huh"

he'd start calling you petnames to make it worse

"come sit over here, babe"

just shit like that

realizes he's the only one you get super flustered over, so he makes his move

after a couple more days of torturing you

his ego just expands

thinks he's the shit

pulls out the black tshirt

stan marsh

oh my god he literally is a loser

"hey stan-ley, wanna give me that stan-d?" "woah."

brags about it

"y/n said she'd gobble me up yesterday 😏" "dude, what the flip" "kenny, you just don't get it."

but when he's around you he says the stupidest shit

"looking good, marshy poo" "oh, thanks 😰😁"

when he flirts back, it's all mid

"nice shirt, stanley" "nice face, y/n"

but when it still flusters you, he's like "yeah, she likes me"

"would you be interested in going out with me 🤓"

and then would be all like "uhhh i mean, uh, would you, let's go on a date"

thought he ate the girls up

standing there like "😏"

"yeah, sure"

AND IS SHOCKED

pretends he's not shocked

"oh, sweet 🥱" "like this pussy" "😦"

a/n: i love this so much

not proofread because im lazy (sexy facial expression)

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Alright my dudes, it’s time for another episode of Bedtime Stories With PCE,

•Comeback Of The Year•

For those unfamiliar, the Bedtime Stories series has been continuations of fics I published on ao3, within the OrangeJuiceVerse, that I don’t feel necessary have a place within the official lineup. This one is a little different.

This story isn’t a continuation or something that happened when we were in another character’s perspective; rather it’s a what we didn’t see. Chronologically, this takes place after the main 5’s first year of college, during the time Cartman’s leaving Colorado and Kenjorine and Style are moving into their campus apartments, set between Extremely Stupid And Incredibly Avoidable and It’s Not The Frat Flu. (As usual you don’t need to be familiar with those or the OJV in general to read this lmao)

ALSO!!! This idea is inspired by a suggestion from my dearest sickfic queen Ana @alwaysinstyle and I’ll explain under the cut before we get into the story!

(Tw for Kyle’s eating disorder thoughts, mention of behavior and mentality surrounding)

So I’ve talked before about OrangeJuiceVerse Kyle being a recovered anorexic, and said I probably wouldn’t write something with him actively struggling with his ed, BUT, my fine friends, last week in the R.A.N.T. Park chat the girlies and I were discussing my impending move and the factors surrounding it (including your local Whumpshot Wizard trying to kick her own relapse’s ass before my husband and I move rip lol), and Ana slid into my messages like “I have an idea that could work for OJV Kyle” and I RAN WITH IT!!!

Thus, this was born. A tale of everyone’s favorite ginger coming face to face with an eating disorder relapse in the middle of moving apartments in the summer heat. There is a fair amount of angst, but a lot of wholesome moments too, a lot of hope and healthy communication in typical PastorCraigEnjoyer fashion! And plenty of Stan being the sweetest boy on planet Earth lmfao I’m obsessed with OJV Stan it’s fine

If y’all read this, PLEASE let me know what you thought, and I hope it pleases and sparkles!!!

Without further ado, here y’all go:

——————————————————————————

Mid July was excruciating, to put it mildly, even in Colorado. Kyle couldn’t imagine how rough summers must be for someone in, like, Texas or something.

Maybe the weather would be tolerable if he was lying in the shade somewhere with an ice cold drink in his hand, listening to Stan play the guitar, maybe watching lazy clouds float through the endless blue. That idyllic mental picture was a lot more pleasant than his current reality.

“Ay! Get your lazy ass over here and help Kinny with this chair!”

Moving.

The weird little house they’d spent the last year living in no longer suited the group’s needs, with Cartman declaring his gap year done and announcing that the online matchmaking and wedding planning service he’d been building up had taken off, that he’d be moving to Nevada. It was a fitting career for him, Kyle thought, but even if he and a certain abrasive fuckwad butted heads from time to time, that big of a change to the group dynamic made him anxious. They’d collectively decided to disband the SP Survivors Safehouse, all knowing that it wouldn’t be the same from here on out, but none of them giving voice to that.

It wasn’t that he was completely sad about leaving that place behind; it was kind of a shitbox, and these campus apartments were nice and well maintained. He and Stan would only be a few doors down from Kenny and Marj, and the units were decently spacious for what the rent was. Just… the adjustment of it all. The change in routine and life in general. That’s what had him stressed.

With a groan, Kyle pushed himself off the wall where he’d been taking a breather. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

Out of the minute shade the shadow of the building had cast, his vision went spotty with the shift in temperature. Seriously, it was too goddamn hot for this shit.

Kenny unclipped the ratchet strap holding his favorite recliner (a well loved sidewalk find) to the bed of the truck, turning to look at him with a quizzical expression.

“You good, firefox?”

“I’ll be better when we’re done getting everything inside,” Kyle complained, and immediately regretted his tone. All of them were out in the sun, not just him. “It’s just hot,” he amended.

Hopping out of Resurrection, Kenny gestured for him to climb into the bed. “I hear that, brother. Even Fatboy’s helpin’ speed shit up.”

From the staircase, arms laden with boxes, Cartman called down a “I heard that, broke ass bitch!”

“I’m commending your work ethic!” Kenny argued back, wide grin on his face. He braced himself to catch one side of the chair. “Gonna miss that fucker.”

Kyle shook his head and slowly walked the furniture to the edge of the tailgate. “He’ll be blowing up our phones with stupid shit even more than he already does.” Though, it’d take more getting used to than he wanted to think about. He didn’t have the energy to stress over it more than he already had been. He sighed. “We’ll get used to it. Ready?”

“When you are.”

“Yep, careful, Ken.”

“When am I ever not careful?” The blond replied with a smirk.

“I’m not answering that.”

Kenny chuckled, enviously buoyant and upbeat in a way Kyle couldn’t seem to match. The guy had always been a little more go with the flow, cryptic and weird sometimes, yeah, but overall good for a smile when you needed one, and Kyle very much did right now. He’d been driving everyone up the wall the past few weeks with his neuroticism; maybe he should take a page out of Kenny’s book.

“Alright, dude,” he said, “it’s coming down.”

Step one and done, chair on the grass, Kyle hopped out of the bed to begin the arduous task of helping his friend haul the damn thing up the stairs. Not particularly heavy, but awkward, and Kyle wasn’t feeling very strong today. Past month or so, come to think of it.

He knew why, of course, and it was his own damn fault.

Stress had always effected his appetite, and with everything going on, he’d fallen into some… old habits. And the worst part was, he was good at hiding it, even from his boyfriend. For nearly five years, Stan had been diligent (on his ass) about his eating habits, his health in general. Stan didn’t find Cartman’s ed jokes funny even when Kyle himself did. None of it was funny now.

He didn’t realize what was happening until he was already in it, an involuntary deficit awakening long dormant thoughts and behaviors, secrecy and avoidance. The lying came naturally, and that made him feel worse.

But it wasn’t a problem, Kyle told himself. He’d get back on track and no one would have to know, once they got this new chapter of their lives up and running. Just a momentary slip up, nothing to start an upset over. He was fine.

To prove it, Kyle let Kenny lead in front, taking most of the weight as they climbed the stairs. His friend whistled something he couldn’t quite place while he walked backwards, like he didn’t have a care in the world. A sickening trickle of sweat ran down Kyle’s back, an annoying ringing in his ears.

His arms were shaking when they at long last made it to the open door of number 207, and he spared a glance across the hall and down a ways to unit 210, his new home with Stan, who was currently inside with Marj getting the couch set up.

“Kyle? Hey, man, you hear me?”

Snapping back to attention, Kyle pulled his focus back to Kenny. “Sorry, what’d you say?”

Kenny raised his eyebrows and started backing up into the apartment again. “Dude, I was saying we could put the chair in the corner for now. You alright?”

“Like I said, just the heat,” Kyle assured him. Though now that he was inside, out of the open concrete hallway with its hot wind, he was suddenly freezing. Freezing, but still dripping sweat from what felt like every pore. Maybe coffee wasn’t enough to get him through the morning after all, but he hadn’t been able to stomach the thought of anything else.

Cartman rounded the corner, wiping his hands on his jeans and scowling on his way to the front door to grab some more stuff from the truck.

“This is why I told you guys to hire movers like I did,” he started condescendingly. “By the time I get to my sweet new house tomorrow, all I’ll have to bring in is my backpack.”

“And yet you’re still helping us out of the goodness of your big fat heart,” Kenny pointed out. “You do love us.”

“Nah, fuck you guys.” Cartman flipped them a middle finger on his way out.

Kenny laughed as he set his side of the chair down, Kyle following suit on that, but not the laughter.

His head felt like it was being squeezed on all sides, blood fervently racing through his veins, clouds at the edges of his sight. He hadn’t even straightened yet, but the room was spinning. Kyle slowly pulled himself up, undeniable dread flooding his gut when the vertigo worsened.

“I’m-“ he started thickly, swallowing hard with a throat that felt like a stale desert. His own voice sounded like he was hearing it underwater. “Ken, I don’t feel so good-“

Kenny’s eyes went wide. “Holy shit, you look like a ghost! Okay, get down, get down, you’re good, dude, sit down…”

Even with Kenny’s secure grip on his arms, Kyle felt his legs turn to jelly right as his vision turned white.

He couldn’t decipher what his friend was saying, only that his tone was calm, reassuring and steady. How was Kenny so calm? Kyle was abruptly made aware of his own panicked breathing, eyes burning with tears while they struggled to focus again. He was on the floor, and didn’t remember getting there. Why was it so cold?

“-re you are.” Kenny’s voice still sounded distant, but a little clearer now. “Just keep your eyes open, dude, we know how to handle this, you’re fine.” The blond turned his head to the open door. “STAN!”

Kyle felt wrong. He hadn’t gotten snappy and irritable like he usually did when his blood sugar dropped, so even if he was low (definitely on the table here), it wasn’t just that. There was something else up too, and he was scared, and embarrassed, and whyisitsohardtohearanything-

“Ky?! Shit, baby, I’m here, I’ve got you.”

He could blearily make out the shape of his boyfriend kneeling beside him, feel the hand that burned like fire on his cheek. “Can you hear me, dude?”

“‘S hard to,” he managed.

“That’s okay, we’ll fix it, I’m here,” Stan repeated, and looked up at Kenny. “What happened? Did he fall? Pass out or just get really close?”

Kyle was vaguely aware of his tears being wiped away by someone who smelled like green apples. Oh, fuck, he was probably scaring Marj. He had to calm down; panicking never helped in a situation like this.

Kenny stood up, beelining to turn the ceiling fan on. “Said he wasn’t feelin’ good, and then he went all white, and then his eyes rolled back so I got ‘im on the floor. A low, right?”

His hands were tingling. Stan was shaking his head.

“He doesn’t freak out like this over it normally, you know that. Kyle, dude, what else is going on? You get too hot?”

Marjorine sounded worried. “Oh, geez, should we call 911? I’ve heard heat exhaustion can be real bad.”

Kyle’s heart felt like it was working overtime to get blood to his brain, stomach twisting with nausea and mouth drier than the wrinkled up orange peel he’d found in one of Stan’s drawers when they were packing.

Oh.

“Hypotension,” he whispered. “Gotta… legs above my head. Drink something.”

Stan nodded, already sliding a box under his sneakers. “Ken, there’s Gatorade in my bag at our place. Can you grab the full sugar one?”

“On it, bossman.”

Marj softly ran her fingers through his hair, rubbing his temples in an almost motherly gesture. “You just lie still and catch your breath,” she advised. “You’re probably just dehydrated with how hot it is and all. You’ll be feelin’ better in no time.”

Oh, no doubt, but if only it was just that. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“Dude.” Stan took his hand and kissed the back of it. “Shit happens, okay? You’re just gonna need to take it easy for the rest of the day, right?”

“Right.” Kyle sighed, uneasy and hating how much his body was still shaking, but at least his senses were starting to come back after a few minutes horizontal. “‘M just not built for summer.”

His partner snorted. “I know, baby. I’ve heard you complain about how sunburned you get every summer for our whole lives. Full on lobster the second the sun comes out. I don’t think I’ve seen you faint from low blood pressure, though, not since-“ Stan’s face fell at the realization. “…oh, Ky, no…”

The mix of shock and concern and guilt and sympathy and fear on Stan’s handsome face felt like a punch in the gut. Kyle couldn’t meet his eyes. “It’s not what you-“

“You were up before me,” Stan cut in. “Did you eat breakfast?”

His head hurt. “I told you I did.”

“And you were lying,” Stan inferred, his voice cracking.

His sweet, sensitive Stan. The regret of hiding his recent bullshit from the man who worried so much about him threatened to, ironically, eat Kyle alive.

Before he could think of something to say to save face, Kenny returned from his side quest, Cartman close behind and carrying a box labeled ‘Another Man’s Treasure’, also known as Kenny’s assortment of random junk to hypothetically be used in a project at some point.

Their no-longer-resident asshole set the box down on the kitchen counter. “You just had to have a dramatic little moment today, didn’t you, Jew?”

“Cartman,” Stan warned, ripping the the nutrition information off of the Gatorade bottle Kenny passed him with far more force than necessary, “I’m telling you right now to lay the fuck off him.”

Naturally, Cartman didn’t lay off. “Hell no! Using his sneaky little ways to get out of physical labor? I must say, Bone Broth, I’m impressed.”

Kyle managed something resembling a weak laugh at that; “Bone Broth” was a new one, so stupid it was almost funny. That is, until the other three shouted “JAR!”.

How were they going to keep up Fuckwad Jar records if the five of them no longer lived together? What even was the point of it anyway? It was too much, all too much. Too much change, too much going on, he felt like microwaved garbage and Stan still had an unreadable look in his eyes. Maybe that was just still Kyle’s brain catching up to full consciousness, though. He could always read Stan, eventually.

He’d have to explain himself later, because his boyfriend had shifted into full caretaking mode.

“Ignore him, dude,” Stan said, taking Marjorine’s spot at his head. “I’m gonna sit you up, really slow, okay?”

Kyle nodded, blinking away the dark spots in his eyes at the movement and letting Stan hold him against his chest, one arm around him for stability, the other guiding him to drink. The cloying taste of lemon lime flooded his tongue, but the thickness in the back of his throat from unshed tears lingered.

Kenny squatted down beside them, extending a fist. “Aight, grandma, dap me up. C’mon, I’m checkin’ your motor functions and shit.”

He obliged, slowly completing the handshake with an eyeroll. Leave it to Kenny McCormick.

Unfortunately, ignoring Cartman was easier said than done, especially when he let out an exaggerated groan.

“I’m so seriously, you guys. I could already be relaxing by the pool at my hotel instead of watching the rest of you coddle the damsel in distress, but nooooo, we have to pause the whole move just because one bird boned bitch can’t pull his weight.”

Kyle was willing to let that one slide; it was true, wasn’t it? Even if Cartman could have phrased it a little less cruelly. Marj stood up on his behalf.

“Eric!” All four boys stilled at her rarely used stern voice. “You know darn well you’re only actin’ out because you don’t do well with change either, mister! Now, apologize right now!”

“Damn, Buttercup,” Kenny whistled, audibly impressed. “Called Fatboy out.”

Cartman grumbled, rolling his eyes, but sighed with genuine defeat. “I’m sorry for being an asshole, now will you guys hop off my dick?”

“None of us want to be on your dick, fatass,” Kyle pointed out.

“Keep it that way, you anemic twink.”

“Okay, I’ve had enough of this,” Stan groaned. “Ky, the bed in our place isn’t made, but it’s put together. Let’s get you somewhere quiet to lie down, okay?”

That sounded nice, but Kyle really wasn’t looking forward to the third degree he was about to get. He didn’t want to get defensive like he knew he would, didn’t want to act like a dick. Still, he resigned himself to be swept up into a safety that didn’t feel deserved.

“Sorry I freaked you guys out,” he muttered, arms draped around Stan’s neck, Gatorade bottle dangling loosely from one hand. “I’ll help finish up in a little bit, promise.”

“No the fuck you won’t.” Stan tightened his grip, pulling Kyle closer to his chest.

As his boyfriend carried him to their apartment, he could hear Cartman taking over command of getting the rest of Kenny and Marj’s stuff in. Dread pooled in his empty stomach, dread that he wanted out. Kyle felt exposed. He’d been seen right through, and scrutinized, all over again.

———

The summer before and into his ninth grade year had been one of the lowest points of Kyle’s life.

He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it had all started, but by the time he started to notice the changes to his body, to his pattern of thinking especially, he was spiraling down a dangerous path.

There was comfort in controlling what he could in the here and now, Kyle had realized, especially with the future seeming so uncertain. He wasn’t fucking stupid; he had known right off the bat that obsessively counting, competing with himself to see how little he could get away with eating, even shoving his fingers down his throat on a few occasions just to prove to himself that he had control, all of that was dangerous and would only make him feel worse in the long run. And yet, he’d spent months getting extremely efficient at running on nothing but his own stubbornness.

Kyle hadn’t been the one in control, though, not after a certain point. No, his eating disorder had controlled him.

His mother had seen it, because of course she had. But Sheila Broflovski, loving and caring as she was, hadn’t a clue as to how to approach the matter. One of her “solutions” had been to organize a dinner party with all his friends and their parents, a subtle way, he’d find out years later, to try and get her eldest son to associate food with celebration and love again; good things, not something to be avoided. But the well meaning idea had only sent Kyle into an anxious frenzy.

“Ma, you have got to be fucking joking! You didn’t think, oh, I don’t know, maybe you should ASK ME?”

“Now listen here, young man-“

Oh shit. Kyle knew that tone, and had dreaded hearing it his entire life. Worried and angry at the same time was easily the most frightening version of Sheila Broflovski. He’d seen a good amount of that side of her around that time, come to think of it.

And Kyle could out-argue anyone; he could diffuse high tempers or match them, whatever the situation called for. At fourteen, he counted that as the best tool in his arsenal.

But he had been tired, for months. So fucking tired.

Plus, the only people he’d never won a screaming match against were God and his mother. His voice had, for once, faltered.

He would find a way to make a damn dinner party work.

“S-sorry, ma,” he’d managed. “That sounds like a good idea. Just, uh, just remember that Stan doesn’t eat meat, when you’re cooking. Like, leave the bacon out of the green beans.”

She had looked like there was something on the tip of her tongue that she wanted to ask. Kyle felt the weight of her stare settle on his shoulders like the shirt that had been hanging off of them; incidentally what had caught the attention of the captain of overbearing mothers in the first place.

But she’d softened, apparently having agreed to his unspoken truce and switching tactics. “Alright, sweetie. Now, you’re doing homework in your room again, I’m assuming? Oy, you’ve just been working so hard since high school started! I’m so proud! I’ll bring you some snacks later so you can keep that focus up, bubbeh.”

Kyle had fought to keep his face even. He couldn’t tell her. Not even Stan knew he couldn’t focus if he ate, which was why he… kind of hadn’t been. But he’d nodded and said,

“Okay. Thanks, Ma.”

He hated to think back to that party. The whole night had been spent dodging pointed looks, staying talking as if on autopilot to act okay, to distract the people he loved. To hide. It was his problem, not theirs.

But everything that passed his lips that day did so twice.

———

Now here he was, and it was a problem again.

Kyle’s anxiety only spiked entering the apartment that was, in theory, his home for the next few years. It didn’t feel like home yet, just an impersonal cookie cutter one bedroom, its beige walls and vertical blinds taunting him. New chapter, they seemed to say. New chapter, but there’s a misprint; we’ve read these words before.

Stan softly kissed his forehead and set him down on the bare mattress. “You’ve got some color back,” he noted. “How do you feel?”

Looking anywhere that wasn’t into worried blue eyes, Kyle shrugged. “Okay, I guess. Hands are cold.”

“Baby, look at me.” Stan took his hands in his own warm ones and drew a deep breath. “Dude, are you relapsing?”

“That’s not-“ Kyle forced himself to pause and take the hostility from his voice. He needed to communicate clearly and honestly; immediately acting like he was being attacked would help no one here, and Stan only got overreactive when he had cause to freak out.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted quietly. “It just kind of… happened, I guess. I didn’t realize, dude, I swear. Not really.”

“…okay.” Stan was chewing his bottom lip, and Kyle’s heart lurched, feeling his boyfriend’s fingers twitching but not letting go of his hands even though he obviously wanted to chew at his own like when he got nervous. “How long?”

“Past month or so?” Kyle guessed. “Seriously, I was gonna go back to normal after we got settled in; it wasn’t on purpose-“

“That’s not you talking,” Stan interrupted. “Honey, you know that’s not you. That’s the anorexia. Trying to justify it.”

Stan was never this blunt. He hated using that word, always had. He said it felt too big, too scary. Kyle didn’t want him to be scared.

“Dude, it’s under control,” he insisted. I just needed one less thing to think about for a little bit.”

“Do you even hear what you’re saying?!?” Stan asked incredulously. “Ky, you know better! You know that’s not how this works!”

“Don’t fucking yell at me!” Kyle sobbed out, overwhelmed and hating that he was crying again. He was the least prone to tears of the group; another thing that was apparently crumbling.

Stan slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, hands up in surrender and eyes like saucers.

“Baby, baby, shh, I’m not yelling, okay? I’m not mad at you. I’d never be, no matter what.”

“I… I know,” Kyle whispered. He didn’t protest Stan’s hand moving up to cup his cheek tenderly.

“Kyle, you remember what you told me your therapist said when we were in high school? That it’s a slippery slope, dude. You give it an inch, it takes a mile, right?”

She had used a metaphor that stuck with him. say you’re climbing a mountain, sticking to the path that you know you’re supposed to be on. A few feet to the side, there’s what looks like a shortcut, something easier than the path. But what you don’t see until it’s too late, and you’ve already strayed, is that the shortcut gives way to slippery gravel, and eventually you slide back down to where you started.

“Fuck, dude,” Kyle groaned. “Can we just pretend this never happened? It’s out in the fucking open now, not like you’re gonna let me get away with more bullshit.”

Stan shook his head. “I’m not gonna let it keep trying to get you, dude. It made you sick.” He looked down, shoulders sagging. “I’m sorry I didn’t know. I knew you were stressed, I just-“

“Sweetheart, c’mon.” Kyle wasn’t about to let Stan blame himself for missing the signs. “Don’t do that. I’m just really good at hiding it.”

“Making your ancestors proud with your deceptive ways,” Cartman quipped from the doorway. He turned his attention to Stan. “Hey, Big ‘n Tall. Marj needs help with a bookshelf.”

Stan rolled his eyes. “So why aren’t you helping her? I’m busy.”

“Because.” Cartman crossed his beefy arms over his chest. “I need to have a little talk with Kahl.”

Clearly suspicious, Stan stood up and squared to their friend. Kyle knew the two of them didn’t usually have real beef, but Stan was obviously on edge and feeling overprotective.

“He’s not feeling well, assclown. I don’t want you to work him up.”

Cartman raised one eyebrow, unfazed by Stan’s intimidation tactics. All five of them knew that while he could certainly look scary, he wouldn’t hurt a fly unless completely unavoidable.

“Relax, Lancelot, I can babysit your languishing fleshlight without starting a fight.”

Annoyed, Kyle raised his hand. “You two realize I can hear you.”

Stan glanced back and forth between them for a pregnant moment, then sighed. He knew Kyle could handle himself, especially when it came to Cartman being an asshole, which was much appreciated. Finally, he sighed, relenting.

“Alright. Ky, just take it easy, okay? I’ll be right back. Cartman-“

“-Don’t piss off the Jew, got it.”

Stan bent down to kiss Kyle gently while Cartman pretended to gag. “We’ll beat it together, baby.”

“Together,” Kyle agreed, feeling like there was a fist clenching his heart when his partner left the room. Cartman sat on the edge of the bed and glared at him.

“You’re a fucking dumbass.”

Classy. “Thank you, Cartman, is that all?”

“No, that’s not all, bitch. Listen up.”

And Kyle was, picking up on the seriousness in his friend’s voice. He sipped at his Gatorade and gestured for him to go on.

“I need you to be okay, you idiot.”

That made Kyle pause. Cartman anxiously ran his hands through his messy brown hair.

“Look, dickhole, it’s no secret that your body hates you. Sucks to suck, and all that. But you’re stupid for thinking you can outsmart it. That shit-“ he gestured vaguely in the direction of Kenny and Marj’s place. “-That shit can’t happen. You can’t get sick like when we were in high school.”

Kyle opened his mouth to insist that he was never planning on letting it get that far, but Cartman held up a hand.

“We all know you love to talk, but let me finish.” He shot Kyle a look that meant business until he was sure he wasn’t going to be interrupted. “Good. Okay. Fuck, this is hard to say, alright. Okay. You can’t get sick,” he repeated. “It would fucking break Stan. The stupid hippie would cease to exist if anything happened to you, and you know I’m not fucking around. He needs you. We… all need your annoying ass.”

Against his will, Kyle started to smile. “Is this you admitting you’re gonna miss me, Eric? Kenny was right, you do love us.”

“Fuck off, I hate you guys,” Cartman muttered. “And Christ, just call me “fatass”, it’s gross when you use my name. Save the faggotry for that misguided simp of yours.”

Kyle laughed. His face was tingling, but he really was feeling a little more human. “Just trying to annoy you, fatass.”

“Good. Keep doing that. Don’t make it weird. Listen…”

Cartman took a deep breath, like he was about to dive into the unexplored. Well, he kind of was, starting his career away from the safety net of the rest of them, Kyle supposed.

“This doesn’t leave this room, am I clear, Starving In Suburbia?”

“You know, it concerns me every time you reference one of those movies.”

“Damnit, Jew, am I clear?”

“Jesus, yes. What?”

“If you, uh, if you want, I can ask my therapist for some recommendations. You know, colleagues of his that do remote sessions and specialize in your bullshit.”

Kyle knew Cartman hated talking about therapy, about his fucked up brain and cocktail of medications, so the fact that he was offering was wild. Probably not necessary, but wild.

“Dude,” Kyle started, “I appreciate that, seriously. But I don’t think it’s at that point, you know?”

“I have a call with him day after tomorrow, I’ll at least get some names.” The way he said it made it clear that he needed to feel like he was helping. Not for Kyle’s sake, but for his own peace of mind.

Kyle sighed. “Thank you. Seriously, that’s really nice of you, dude.”

Cartman scoffed. “Please. I just need you to have your shit together so I can torture you without, like, karmic consequences.”

Typical. “Karmic consequences, huh?”

“Uh, duh, dumbass. You can’t rip on an anorexic if they’re actively in it. Everyone knows that.” He rolled his eyes. “For real, though. Get your shit together. I’m not having this conversation again.”

Movement caught Kyle’s eye in the doorway. Stan, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, but his face was relaxed, like he’d heard that last part.

Cartman turned. “Oh good, the guard dog’s back.” He sprang up like he hadn’t just hit Kyle with the tough love he didn’t know he needed. “Later, cocksuckers.”

“Thanks again, fatass,” Kyle repeated.

“Thank me by not being a delicate little bitch next time.”

Stan took his spot on the mattress, eyebrow raised. “Dare I ask?”

Kyle sat up against the headboard, curling his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees. “Just wanted to tell me to get it together. Apparently kicking me when I’m down would cause cosmic chaos.”

“Can’t have that,” Stan chuckled. “But really, dude. What do we need to do here? I’m not letting this thing fuck with you anymore than it already has.”

Thinking back to the first time around, Kyle remembered how strict his rules had been in early recovery. Meal plan, online school, limited physical activity, outpatient therapy multiple times a week. Granted, he’d been pretty fucked physically and mentally back then. This hardly even compared, in his eyes.

“I… think I just need accountability,” he said carefully. “For a little while, it’s not like…” Kyle sighed again. “Believe me when I say it’s not like it was the first time, Stan. It’s just… call it a sophomore slump, I guess.”

Stan cracked a half smile, still visibly worried, but like he trusted him. “Little slip up? You’re feeling like you can get yourself healthy pretty quickly?”

Kyle reached a hand out to take Stan’s. “Promise. The mentality behind it isn’t the same, you know? The body dysmorphia and the compulsions aren’t there, I just fell into some of the habits. Call me on it if you see it, okay?”

“I will, dude,” Stan swore. “I’ve always got your back.

Stan used their intertwined hands to pull Kyle into his lap, softly rubbing his back. “I need something from you too though.”

“Mhm?”

“I need you to tell me when you need support, baby. With words. I don’t want to miss the signs again, dude.”

Kyle looked up into his impossibly soft gaze, both vulnerable and open. “Oh, sweetheart, hey. That’s not on you, at all.”

“It is, though.” Stan cupped around the back of Kyle’s neck, bringing his head back into his chest protectively. “We’re a team, Ky. How many times have you told me that? Whatever the game is, we’re on the same side.”

“Dude, don’t quote me at me,” Kyle laughed. It had the intended effect, though, for sure. “But I hear you.”

“Yep, and we’ll be all good in no time,” Stan promised. “We’ll get used to this new place, start our second year of school, all that shit. It always works out, right?”

“We figure it out,” Kyle confirmed.

Stan’s grin was audible, brilliant and soul stirring, even if Kyle couldn’t see it. “Turn that sophomore slump into the comeback of the year.”

Then Kyle did pull away enough to see his face, trying to feign annoyance on his part. “How’d I know you were gonna quote Fall Out Boy at me?”

“Hey, you started it, I just finished it.”

“Proud of yourself, Stanathan?”

“Very much so.” Stan lightly ran his thumb over Kyle’s bottom lip before kissing him softly.

And Kyle believed him when he said, “but more proud of you.”

[drownedinlavender]

Eric is a character. He is a work of fiction. All of these characters that we know and love and fawn over are just that, characters, they're make believe.

I understand being uncomfortable by the hate speech, that's one thing, but I see people actually hating him like he personally killed their parents and made them into chilly. Matt and Trey write him as a bigot because someone has to be in order to write the story they're trying to tell, in order to get the point across they're trying to make. Someone HAS to be the villain. And when he's extremely anti semetic, xenophobic, racist, he loses because that's the message. Bigots lose. Bigots are a joke.

Matt and Trey stated in an interview that Eric is the product of his surroundings and as someone that grew up in a middle of nowhere town in Wisconsin, there were a lot of kids that shared many similarities with Cartman. They were racist, xenophobic, and just straight up mean. Many of which told me my family and I should go back to Mexico where I belonged. But they also all came from broken homes. A lot of them were simply attention starved, neglected children internalizing the problems of the adults around them. And looking back now, I don't hold any ounce of contemp or negative emotion towards those children, my heart goes out to them. They didn't have anyone that cared enough about them to correct their behavior. Any kind of attention, including negative, was better than none due to how neglectful their gaurdiens were.

This isn't me arguing why people that hate Cartman should love him, or hold pity for him. On the contrary, I hate to argue lol. This is only me divulging my thoughts on a character I personally think is written with a lot of dimension and depth. I like the idea of Eric as a character. A 10 year old child overly spoiled by his crack addicted, sex worker mother who is lonely and isolated to the point of only relying on her child for friendship so she treats him more like a friend than a child thus creating a spoiled, deeply insecure, self centered, bigoted asshole of a kid. His mother, along with most of the adults around him, failed him and now he's making it everyone's problem. His childhood is like a joker origin story lol how wild

Anyway, that is all :'D

[legoiscrying]

Hey!! As soon as I read Poly I immediately wanted to know your HC on the poly main four...but if you don't ship that then can you tell me your Stenny HC?

Ofccc I don't mind poly M4 I'll do HCs on them! :D

This is probably age-uped to young adults btw

1. They like to give each other presents. But!

- Cartman doesn't like to give physical presents (like, small gifts) bc he doesn't really see anything special in them, and also the greed that he still had from his childhood not always lets him to do so. But he most likely to take his boyfriends somewhere nice, like restaurants, entertainment places, shopping centers and all that stuff.

- Kenny is an entire opposite to Cartman. Even when he grows older and has enough money, he still is struggling with wasting large sums so he's not the type of guy to take Stan, Kyle and Eric somewhere fancy. But he likes to make small gifts, and he's very dedicated to that. He's also very attentive to details: like, if Stan says that he saw a game that he always wanted to play, Kenny'd buy him it. And overall if someone mentions a gift that they really want, Kenny will remember that.

- Of all of them, Stan is the least fan of gifts. Although he's usually not the initiator of gift exchanging, if someone gifts him something, he'd be very responsible at finding something in return. Like, seriously, one time Kyle got him a small present at the mall and said "I don't know, just reminded me of you", and Stan went on a whole research on what he should give Kyle in return. He knows Kyle very well, but still usually doesn't trust his own taste in gifts, so he would definitely ask Cartman and Kenny for advise. Kenny helped to navigate, Cartman helped to choose and...Stan bought what he first thought of anyways.

– Kyle is...Complicated. He's as much greedy as Cartman, but he doesn't really talk about plus he'd grown to overcome it a little better. He genuinely saying sucks at giving presents (like, gifting), but here's the other thing: He usually shares his stuff with his boyfriend to the point where his stuff is not only his. "Yes, Kenny, you can borrow any food you want from my fridge", "Here, take my scarf, Stan", "I don't need that, you can use it, Cartman". That kind of stuff. He sometimes complains that guys take his stuff so often, but it's his way of repaying them and making them happy. But romantic gifts? He sucks two times more. He's the type of guy to bring flowers on a date, even tho they know each other for ten years. Still, he likes enjoys giving presents

2. I do this with every poly ship of mine: In which order the guys got together romantically. Expect it's a bit complicated for them, because they've always been a group lol

Stenny, they're the most fastburn of them all and would realize their feelings relatively early > Stan still has his awful crush on Kyle but haven't told Kenny about it yet > Meanwhile Kyman's relationships are staring to develop > Kenman are hanging out together and something is happening > Stan first talks to Kenny, Kenny says he's okay with Stan having other crushes and that he wasn't surprised it's Kyle > Stan confesses to Kyle, Kyle doesn't reject him, but says he needs time to think > Kyman get together and Stan thinks it's kinda over for him and Kyle > Kenman are still hanging out and things are still happening > Kenman get together and they freak Kyle and Stan out by that /pos > Style have a tough conversation and eventually get together too > atp they already realize that the poly circle has happened, so then Stanman and K2 get together too

[alaskan-wallflower]

I saw that you are still taking requests sooo begging on my knees for Stan or Kyle (whichever one you prefer/want to write abt) x t!reader. I’m so touch starved so anything with physical affection would be perfect I just need some type of comfort rn hhhh. If you don’t want to write this that’s okay I completely understand!! (^_^)

Ask and you shall receive!

I’ll do both

Stan and Kyle with a TINY!S/O

Stan Marsh

He’s honestly very gentle with you

He doesn’t wanna go around and show you off, he kinda just wants you to be safe with him

Because he knows with Shelley and Randy around you probably won’t be safe

But anyway

He probably found you in Shelley’s room tbh

You were borrowing some of her stuff and Stan walked in on you

Randy ended up seeing you too, so Stan kinda just hid you behind his back and managed to get out

Randy thought Stan was stealing Shelley’s old dolls

At first he was absolutely flabbergasted

He probably just came home one day to find Sparky chasing you around

So he ended up picking you up with a single hand and kinda just took you to his room?

He’s like, twenty times your height

So seeing his eyes that were basically the size of your head looking down at you was…scary

At first he didn’t even think you were real

Hr probably just kept telling himself it was Randy’s pot farm, or that he was imagining shit

But eventually, he came to terms that you were real

And soon you grow to develop feelings for each other

He makes sure that you’re safe all the time

He probably throws up on you a lot but he tries not to

Hr gives you a bath after so don’t worry

If he finds you crying, he kinda just picks you up in his palms and holds you gently

The only one who knows about you is Kyle

Probably because one day he walked in on Stan cleaning you off after vomiting on you due to his crush on you

But Stan made him swear to not tell anyone

He doesn’t let you sleep in the bed with him because he’s scared he’ll roll over in his sleep and crush you

But sometimes he’ll put you on his chest over his heartbeat until you fall asleep, to which he’ll probably put you in a little washcloth burrito

Overall v good :)

Kyle Broflovski

He probably found you in Cartman’s bourse

(just pretend you were a borrower at his house)

So one day, while you were ‘borrowing’, Kyle happened to walk in on you

At the same time Cartman did

Kyle dashed for you so Cartman wouldn’t get to you because who knew the tortures you would endure with him

Kyle insisted you were just a bug, so hr kinda managed to get away with you while stuffing you in a jar

And when he managed to get back to his house, he realized being stuck in a jar with a giant person looking at you through the glass couldn’t have been pleasant

So he began working at making you a living space

He honestly isn’t shocked by you

Hes seen some shit in South Park

So, he probably interrogated you while making you a matchbox bed or something

And eventually he decides to keep you in his house

He’s very gentle with you

And protective

Like if anyone so much as touches you he’s about to beat the shit out of them

He, like Stan, doesn’t let you sleep in the same bed as him

But he’ll stroke your hair sometimes when you’re falling asleep

He probably scares you sometimes with his angry outbursts

But in the end he’ll make up for it in hugs and such

(he’s not much of a kisser)

Hes a sweet kid, but he’s just very angry, lol

[4awny]

Sp Study Headcanons that literally nobody somebody asked for:

Kenny:-

actually listens and pays attention in class

but literally cannot study at all if cartman is there

would rather race cars and start fires than study

easily distracted

is kind of 🤷🏼‍♂️ whatever when its exam day

legs spread as far out from the desk as possible

likes to watch other people stress out from the back row

grade? B. people under estimate him

Kyle:-

disgustingly prepared

gets stressed out a lot tho

like when people won't shut up

therefore prefers to study alone

the closer he is to the final exam > the more moody he gets

permanent 😠 face

blames cartman for distracting him

i mean yeah. he does that a lot tbf

is up all night studying despite knowing sleep is just as important

fear of failure maybe?

OK I could go on here

grade? A. predictable. the hard work paid off

Stan:-

doubts himself the whole time

king of procrastination

not completely his fault, always busy doing shit for ppl

thinks he's totally prepared

opens up the first page of the exam paper

immediately forgets everything he ever knew

🤯 lost af

oh wait he does know something

comes out feeling like he let himself down

grade? C. all gd my guy

Cartman:-

this kid will not acknowledge an exam until the day before

then panics like hell

and kyle told him so too

looks over to each friend as if to say HELP ME when everybody opens their paper

obviously no one helps him lol

like? man should have listened

cannot concentrate, thoughts racing, over thinking

leads to inner meltdown

struggles to submit anything worth a pass due to the stress

acts like it was the easiest exam of his life

OK enough lore

grade D. just about.

Butters:-

surprisingly good with numbers

brings a pencil sharpener into the exam hall

and like 4 extra pencils too

is pretty confident

real cocky too. smug is the word

bc he the only mf to actually enjoy exams

looks over at cartman with a 👍🏻

gets a 🖕🏼 in return

grade B+. kid is no dumbass

Craig:-

should probably try harder

doesn't even care about grades

kinda does actually

"let's just get this over with" as he rolls up to the exam hall with his hands in his pockets

😒

pretty average student

writes 'fuck knows' for questions he doesn't know

having good common sense helped him massively

grade? B. nobody knows how he managed it either. mystery

Tweek:-

a lot of pencil tapping

relies on a lot of caffeine

...obviously

sweaty palms

forever looking around at other people

reads the question 10 times

then 10 more times

still doesn't understand so writes nothing.

goes back to the 1st question halfway through

adds ???? next to his answers

doctors handwriting. barely readable.

grade? it's a D. rip

Clyde:-

"test? what test?"

moderately studies...

for the wrong exam

writes notes on his hand before the final

chews gum throughout

It annoys tweek, who can hear it from 14 seats back

always the first to finish

because finishing first means he's better than everyone else

🤡

spends the next half hour doodling circles all over the desk

only cares about the party afterwards anyways

grade?? big fat FAIL

Tolkien:-

actually knows his stuff, bc he covered literally everything

apart from that 1 subject, but he didn't care about it anyway

reads a lot of books, loves literature

sleeps well, eats well

helps his mind combat pre-exam stress

feels pretty confident on exam day, but hides it well

doesn't want his friends to think he's a nerd or anything...

Grade? A+++++. total NERD

[wendytestabrat]

another example of kyle being a liar and a hypocrite

ok so like this was a small kyman moment but in the episode “lice capades” when cartman was trying to figure out who had lice ofc kyle had to preach down cartman’s throat about what he was doing to make himself look like the innocent one as he usually does. what pisses me off tho was that kyle was trying to accuse cartman of being the one to have lice and saying cartman is just trying to pin it on someone else when bitch…kyle had lice too sooo LOL that’s exactly what kyle was doing & i loved how cartman called him out on his shit and was like “that’s exactly what you would do if you had lice kahl”. like yeah i know the ENTIRE class had lice and lied about it but the fact that kyle was also one of the kids to lie about it but then go out of his way to portray himself as the saint saving everyone from cartman in this situation shows how truly shitty and fucked up he is (when he didn’t even need to say anything if he REALLY didn’t want someone to suspect he had lice). and what’s unique abt this episode is it follows the story from clyde’s POV and his headlice and like bitch you didn’t see clyde doing any unnecessary attention-seeking shit like that to cover up the fact that he had it LOL. even tho clyde was rlly scared people would find out it was him and he thought he was the only one who had it he didn’t even say shit about it and just kept to himself. which goes to show that in any given situation cartman & kyle are def the ones to talk way too much and be overly dramatic and draw too much attention to shit (bc they’re insecure af) which i’m sure the other classmates take note of. and they’re the best liars and manipulators too but that’s a whole other story. and then after cartman & kyle were bickering stan jumps in too and is like “guys stop” or whatever and cartman is like “this is exactly what you would do stan is try to make the peace” LOL. so what that tells me is stan is also super egocentric and quick to hop in on shit too for attention even if he’s just portraying himself as the mediator. hence why the other kids hate all four boys and stan spends too much time with cartman & kyle and gets too involved with their stupid shit. and then cartman is like “and this is exactly what kenny would do stand and say nothing” bc kenny is an unproblematic king and is shy and doesn’t do attention-seeking shit like that. so by the order of how shit escalated in the scene this is my ranking of the boys in order of most to least narcissistic.

1. cartman

2. kyle (bc ofc he had to try to get in on what cartman was doing and outdo cartman as usual for attention)

3. stan

4. kenny