#my mom was like stop crying its not like its your fault and im like blubbering like I DIDNT KNOW WHY DIDNT ANYBODY KNOW!!!
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Vent
Tw: sewerslide and SH
#....i really miss being 4yrs without a care in the world and my family loved each other so purely#fuck its not fair that she does this to me#im shaking over how upset this is making me#i cant always be the one at fault thats IMPOSSIBLE and not fair#she sees it as im lazy n dont like being told to do stuff#i see it as she literally picks on me everytime her health anxiety gets to her or her fiance......i watch it happen like fuckin clockworm#but im the bad guy im the lazy emotional youngest sibling whos life was sooooooo perfect cus mom n dad treated me different#I WAS HIGHLY AUTISTIC#im sorry that you wanna feel special so you gotta pretend my life was just so great cus i got extra attention#I NEEDED EXTRA ATTENTION#Dad did his best to make us all feel equal and you know thst#i du no im jjst fucking done with the littlw comments#i read over my dads shoulder so i already knew but my sister brought up what he said to her before sending me here since the waters broke#he said âplease dont say anything to her she has enough on her plateâ#and she just got all snippy with me about it#....i literally came to your house with 3 big slashes on my arm when do i get a fucking break from the picking????#next time ill do both my arms maybe then shell have nice emptions for me#im literally frozen in my seat sweating cus of how upset im trying not to bw#its very rare she has a soft moment with me and she completely ignores my scars or my mental health#shes now crying in the other room......#like....i dont even know what to do abymore its not fair im always the bad guy#i shouldnt have to deal with a shitty attitude ontop of the other stuff i got going on#its like shes allowed to stab me but i even react to the pain suddenly im a horrible person#its times like these i just wanna end myself cus im tired of trying so hard and having no one to unmask with#im constantly performing for other people only to not get the same energy back im SO tired#update: i escaped#i love my sister but when shes struggling she acts bitchy towards me and thats not fair#literally did the oppisite of what my dad asked her lmao#i bet she stopped crying and is now finding any lil mistake to bitch about#now im blasting sad music into my ears in hopes of not spiraling
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idk why i dont listen to people when they say hey maybe dont engage with that i think itll upset you and i just give in to my curiosity and then trigger myself and cant finish it and now im sitting here post panic attack being like. well i have to see how it ends.
#i was warned the n1ck docu would upset me and i ignored bc i was just so curious and i was like noo i owe it to them to listen#its so much worse rhan i could have imagined! and bringing back so many memories of oh i remember that oh no that was strange#and im hiding this in my tags rant but the second i saw drake i started crying so hard i couldnt breathe because i LOVED him. loved him!#theres a video of me somehere playing my toy guitar and saying i was gonna be in his band#and i closed the app and wss like no i dont need to watch this its going to ruin me but i couldnt stop crying and i was like what if its not#that bad so i googled it to see like maybe a headline would sum it up so i could move on#but i just feel like shit. like complete and total shit!#my mom was like stop crying its not like its your fault and im like blubbering like I DIDNT KNOW WHY DIDNT ANYBODY KNOW!!!#fucking sucks so bad. fucking sucks
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How do me and my mother manage to get into a fight every fucking day I want to dieeeeee how have we fought about bullshit and itâs not even ten in the morning like what the fuck Iâm so fucking miserable and no one likes me they all make fun of me I need to move out or Iâm going to fucking ruin my life !!!!! (Also why wonât my fucking period just start so I can get all of these emotions to stop bothering me!!!)
#literally been home for less than three days and every interaction with my mother has felt like a punch to the gut#today she was bitching to me about my brother leaving his hoodie and his hat on/around the couch he sits on and my mom was bitching about#how he leaves his shit everywhere and whatever else and I was like dude you gotta cut him some slack yknow like heâs been used to living in#a dorm and having a living space where he could be a person and my mom proceeded to be like âhe doesnât live hereâ AND IM LIKE HE DOES NOW#HE GRADUATED AND MOVED BACK HOME AND YOURE TREATING HIM LIKE A CHILD HE IS DOING ONLINE COURSES AND LOOKING FOR JOBS AND YOU TREAT HIM LIKE#A CHILD#UGHHHH#my mother then proceeded to once again tell me off for being bossy and telling her what to do and Iâm sitting here like maybe you should try#fucking listening to me then and treating my brother like a part of the family instead of like company#I know heâs in the guest room technically but heâs part of this fucking family and you and I both have side tables to put shit on its not#his fault that he put his jacket on the couch he has no where else to put it heâs gonna wear it again next time he comes out like what the#fuck why is she such a bitch and then she gets mad at me like idk what you want from me#I used to never get along with my brother and now Iâm defending him to you and you act like heâs the worst person ever#like why do you hate your children so much why do you love him but you hate me Iâm so sick of crying over mommy issues#but if my mother could just like me that would be incredible I really feel like everyone hates me constantly and no one wants me around and#I try to defend my brother and be nice and it only makes my mother hate me so I just go into my room bc Iâve tried over and over again to be#nice to my mother and apparently Iâm doomed to just fucking hate her and have everything I say be an insult or some nit picky bullshit bc my#mouth wonât stop saying whatever my brain is thinking and I keep apologizing and then I keep saying shit itâs like I have the happiest two#few days after months of being alone and miserable and then I come home and immediately itâs like my mother just no longer likes me#I feel like Iâm stuck in perpetual coming home from a sleepover mode#do you guys remebrr that? coming home from a sleepover after being happy and your family would instantly make fun of you for being happy or#excited or wanting to talk about the sleepover and then youâd cry and go into your room and feel like shit bc everyone hates you and then#youâd start to assume that everyone at the sleepiver thought the same thing as your family and thought you were annoying and interrupting#their lives by being happy I mean whatttt haha yeah did that happen to anyone else or just me đđđđđ#life recently feels like itâs âme being happy vs me realizing joy doesnât last vs me needing to ruin my own joy so someone else doesnât do i#first. I have very strong need to hurt myself before someone else can energy but all it does is make sure I get hurt twice cause someoneâs#always gonna hurt my feelings and not care so I should be showing myself compassion but all I want to do is tear my skin apart#been so fucking depressed since I got home Iâm fucking miserable and my family hates me I hate everything and Iâm so stressed I hate this#anyways đđđđ canât stop crying recently after not crying for months now talking about anything makes me cry and I hate it#Iâm embarassing myself constantly bc I canât hold back from crying
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stupid fucking parents [choi beomgyu]
kinktober 2024 !! summary: if you'd never met him, this would be a lot easier. granted, if you never met him, this wouldn't be a problem in the first place. genre: smut, non!idol au, p with little to no plot warnings: stepcest,:stepbrother!beomgyu, perv!gyu, rich!gyu, heâs a year older, sub!gyu, mean dom!reader, dom!gyu, sub!reader, he uses your soap, mommy kink, mommy kink in a condescending way, praise kink, dacryphilia, voyeurism, degradation, exhibitionism, slight spit kink, big dick gyu, handjob, blowjob, titjob, readers tits are big enough to give said titjob, nipple play (on both), heâs got sensitive nipples, sending nudes, lots of smut, masturbation, fingering, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex (pull out method), creampie, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, mentions of cunnilingus, beomgyu refers to himself as âgyuâ, reader calls him 'dumb pup', 'slut' 'whore', 'pet', 'good boyâ, âpretty boyâ, âgyuâ, and âprettyâ, beomgyu calls reader âpretty girlâ, âbabyâ, âdarlingâ and âgood girlâ, mentions of anxiety and depression, heâs lowkey sleazy for 100 words (he fucks someone else), she hits him in the face once and he gets turned on by it, she sucks on his Adams apple for half a second (real), y/m/n is your moms name, and b/d/n is beomgyus dads name bc idk what im doing, take a shot every time I use the word âfuckâ (hint: its more than 50) word count: 7.3k đ§ â rubberband (tate mcrae) + lovers in the night (seori) + the killa (txt)
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the holy matrimony of Ms. y/l/n and Mr. Choi."...
"Fuck, look at you, fucking me like some animal, aren't you?"
"Do you, y/m/n y/l/n, take b/d/n choi, in sickness and in health, through prosperity and through hardship..."
"Dumb pup, can only think with your dick, can't you?"
"I do."
"C-can't, feels so good, gon' cum, pl-please!"
"Do you, b/d/n choi, take y/m/n y/l/n, in sickness and in health, through prosperity and through hardship..."
"Go ahead, cum like the whore you are..."
"I do."
"Don't make a mess of me, though, can't let everyone out there know i'm fucking my soon-to-be step brother..."
"You may now kiss the bride."
"N-not my fault, fucked youâah! B-before they even got together..!"
You snap out of your mind's replay of the dayâs prior events, eyes on the ground, even as your mom and Beomgyu's dad share their first kiss as husband and wife. You feel eyes on you and look upâ it's him, of course it is. And fuck, does he look good. Suit and red tie, brown hair laying just perfectly, you can feel exactly what possessed you to ruin him this morning.
But you can't anymore.
And that's what pisses you off, because Beomgyu was yours before your parents even laid eyes on each other.
That's how they met, actually. You'd been over at his house, dad gone at work, so you two could get up to exactly what you wanted to. Laying on his couch afterwards, his dad had come home, and your mom stopped by to pick you upâ she'd dropped you off on her way to work since your car was in the shop.
And it was love at first sight. You couldn't pretend like it wasn't, you saw the way they looked at each other. You just hadn't expected it to escalate to this. Walking back down the aisle together with everyone standing to clap, you can barely keep your eyes on them.
You're crying, but not in happiness. It's selfish, you know. You've seen how happy your mom is nowadays. And she deserves it. But you can't help but feel like you've lost something.
You and Beomgyu are last to leave the altar, following the other groomsmen and bridesmaids into the wedding hall for the afterparty. He tries to grab your arm, but you shake your head at him. You can't do this anymore. It's for real now.
The look on his face is pure hurt and you know it, only heading to sit next to your mother at the dinner table. Soon, you're sucked into conversation with one of her cousins, mind completely off of Beomgyu and your lack of conscience when it comes to him.
After dinner, however, it's time for the first dances of the night. Bride and groom, bride and her father, groom and his mother, and then, your mother's genius idea, a dance for the groom's son and the bride's daughter. Which you'd forgotten all about, until the mc of the night, one of Beomgyu's relatives, calls the both of you up.
You swallow when Beomgyu's hand rests itself on your waist. So gently you almost shiver, he pulls you closer until you're pressed against him in waltzing position. The music is slow, soft, but speeds up until the two of you are just spinning in circles, identical wide grins on your faces.
The song ends with him dipping you, and you come up with an elated grin. That is, until you realize your predicament. You step away from him with a soft smile but a pointed look, and he only nods. He grips your wrist in a hand. Dropping his lips to your ear, he whispers, "Leave early with me? I want to show you around the house."
Right. You'd forgotten that Beomgyu's (significantly larger) house was now yours. God, you have no idea how youâre going to be able to handle this.
You only nod, let him know you'll be ready in an hour, and join the dance floor once more with the rest of your mom's family.
The hour flies by with you teaching multiple line dances to Beomgyu's family, including Cotton Eye Joe and the Wobble, and by the time it's time to leave, you're flushed and breathless. Giggling and taking his hand, you're led to his car.
"Are you wasted?" Beomgyu laughs, helping you in before climbing into the driver's seat.
"No! Didn't drink anything but the kid's lemonade." You flinch when his hand meets your thigh out of habit. Getting the message, he lets it drop to the center console instead.
"Your things are already in your room," he tells you when he pulls into the driveway.
"And where's my room?"
"Across from mine."
You don't have to ask where his room is. You've been in it enough times in the past 3 years to have memorized exactly how many steps it takes to reach it from the front door.
"Alright, sounds good."
Beomgyu opens the front door for you and ushers you in. He opens every door for you to help you find your way around as well. You soon learn that there are 4 bathrooms, 5 bedrooms, a game room, a living room, 2 dining rooms (a formal one and an informal one), a kitchen, and too many closets to count.
When he opens the door to your bedroom, you smile at the coziness of it all. Your things have been put up in an almost identical fashion to how they were in your old room. And there was only one person in this house that knew your room well enough to be able to recreate it to this level of detail.
"Did you do this?" You whisper, turning to him with a look of incredulity.
Beomgyu nods, a small smile pulling at his lips. He flicks the hair out of his face with his pinky, a small habit you've noticed since day one. "Do you like it? I tried my best to do what I remembered, but some things might not be how you're used to..."
"I love it, Gyu, it's perfect." You flop backwards into your new bed, skirt piling around you. Beomgyu slides beside you when you pat the bedâ this might not be the best idea, but right now, you can't think of anything else youâd rather do.
He's taken off his suit jacket, left only in the vest and white shirt and tie, and he looks so good and desirable that you have to close your eyes. He's warm against you, body taut with muscle, and against your better judgment, when Beomgyu's lips meet yours, you don't resist.
He pulls you up and into his room across the hall, dragging you back down with him onto his own bed.
"Gyu, we shouldn't, you're my stepbrother now..." The word leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth, but he shakes his head with a pout.
"Please, need you..." His hands grip the hem of your dress, pulling you closer by your hips, into his lap. You're protesting the whole time, pressing kisses to his lips either way. And oh, the way his whines are so pretty when you slide his dress pants to his ankles make it all worth it.
Tugging at his dick with a scoff, you spit on it once. "What a desperate little slut, wanting to fuck me the night our parents get married, wasn't enough for you this morning, was it?"
Beomgyu shakes his head quickly, tears already beading in his eyes. "N-no, always need more, need you so bad it hurts..."
"Yeah? Gyu needs his dick wet every second of the day, doesn't he? Always such a mess."
He's nothing less than a mess now, drool leaking out the corner of his mouth, wetting the pillow beneath his head. There's a sheen of sweat glossing his face and he writhes beneath you when you squeeze the base of his dick. "Pâ please, 'm gonna, gon' cum if you don't stop, stop, please, wan' be able to fuck you!" he begs, gripping your wrist in a hand.
"You can't fuck me if you cum now?" He nods, little sniffles leaving his lips. "How pathetic, can't even last a few minutes, what a fucking loser."
"Please, can'tâ nghâ just wanna get you 'round me, please, n/n..."
His voice is low, breathless and a little choked, and you finally give in. Beomgyu's chest shakes up and down while he watches you slip your dress over your head, exposing the blue lace bra you'd put on this morning. You don't even bother taking it off, nor your underwear, simply sliding your panties to the side to rub his dick against your soaked cunt.
As soon as your dripping walls suck him in, he's a goner, head rocked back into the pillows and hips twitching up to yours pitifully. Shifting your weight down against him only once, he's got tears running down his cheeks. This isn't unusualâ there's a reason you always top him. As soon as the boy gets his dick wet, he's gone, off to another planet or some shit.
"Won't you open your eyes, want you to look at me while your dick's inside me, you're not that much of a whore that you can't keep your eyes open, are you?" you hiss, grabbing his chin in your hand.
Beomgyu nods with a weak look, eyes trained on your tits, and he's pulling the lace down with his fingertips. You grip his chin harder, looking down at him with a glare. "Don't you dare, take it off properly if you want it off. This was 60 dollars, I'm not letting a dumb pup like you ruin it."
His fingers fumble at your back, desperate to see you but unsure of where the hook is. A low moan leaves his lips when he finally gets it off, taking your tit in his mouth almost immediately. Swirling his tongue around it, you grab a fistful of his hair, shoving your hips towards his again.
You're lucky that he's big, big enough to hit all the right spots inside you without you having to do much, because the look on his face tells you that he's not capable of anything other than sucking on your breast. And despite all your words, you're not very capable of anything other than fucking yourself down against him.
Beomgyu's eyes are practically rolled back into his head when you look down at him again. The sight is funny, even if it causes something to twist in your stomach. The way this pretty boy can't even make the proper faces once his dick's in your cunt.
âYouâre so fucking disgusting, donât you now? Fucking me when youâre like this?â you hiss, gripping his hair in your hands.
 ââm sorry, 'm so sorry, i know, know 's gross but I canât!â
His eyes fly open to meet yours in a panic when your fingertips pinch at the pink of his nipple. "D-don't, m-mommy, gonâgonna cum, y'know I can't take it, t' sensitive, please..."
You do know. And that alone is why you toy with him more, rubbing over the puffy bud while he squirms under you. "Don't you dare cum inside me, you hear? Don't want a dirty pup's cum inside me."
He nods frantically, eyes red and glazed with his tears, and he weakly tugs his dick from your cunt. You wrap your hand around yours to jerk him off until he reaches his peak, white cum painting your stomach in ropes.
"N-no, don't, what are you doing, c-can't!" Beomgyu lets out a choked noise when you roll your hips back towards his.
"Shut up, you can, gotta make me cum too, remember? Cause you're such a good boy, aren't you?" He nods fast, and you lower your torso to his to press a consoling kiss to his lips. They're bitten red, swollen from the constant tug of his teeth, and the familiar desperation he retaliates with makes you smile. Pulling back once more, you watch his hips twitch up to yours. "See? Told you you're a good boy, making me feel so good..."
"S' glad, let me touch, please?" He's slurring his words now, hand running through the soft brown of his hair.
"Go ahead, jus' this once, cause you're being so good..."
Beomgyu's eyes light up immediately, and his hand flies to your swollen clit without hesitation. Rubbing in circles, you have to admit, he's always been good at this. Even though he's sloppy with his movements, direct stimulation making you hiss through your teeth, he's still expert in the way he plays with your clit.
"Fuck, Gyu, gon' make me cum if you keep up with that, don't stop, will you?"
He nods, though you can tell the way your walls flutter around his dick is making his brain go fuzzy. "Can make you, 'm a good boy, gon' make you feel s' good.."
His hips grind up against yours with one particularly rough motion, and you're gone, form shaking above his.
"Doing so good, mommy, so pretty..." Beomgyu coos, spare hand resting on your cheek.
You roll onto your back next to him, chest heaving, and a wave of guilt hits you when you realize just what you've done. You fucked your stepbrother. On the day of your parents' wedding.
You sit abruptly and gather your things. "Goodnight, Gyu."
He pouts at you, dick pressed flush to his stomach, and you have to avoid looking at him. "Stay? Please?"
"No. I'm going to my room. Goodnight, Beomgyu."
And without a backwards glance, you step through the threshold of his doorway and promise you'll never be back in to answer his request.
ËËË â
ËËË
And you werenât even considering it, not even thinking about it until weeks later, when your parents decided to watch a family movie before they leave on their honeymoon.
Your parents on the couch across from you, Beomgyu sits next to you on the âloveseatâ in your living room. Youâd never heard of such a thing as a loveseat until you moved into the Choi houseâ it must be a rich person thing. But the chair was just big enough for two people, sitting side by side, to have about four inches of room between them.
Not exactly the situation you want to put yourself in.Â
You can feel the heat radiating off of him, and it only gets worse when he tugs a blanket over the two of you and hooks one of his legs around yours. Heâs in basketball shorts, and the feeling of his skin on yours is not something you want to be feeling right now. Shooting a warning look his way before scooting as close to the armrest as you can, you try your hardest to tamp down all the memories of things youâve done with him.
But itâs hard when he slides closer to you again, side pressed flush to yours.Â
âYouâre all up on me, pet, I swear to godâŠâ you whisper.Â
This was the only nickname youâd kept up with since you cut him off. Your parents were innocent enough to think that it was a cute thingâ your mom had even commented on it, âYou calling him pet is so cute, Iâm glad the two of you are still getting along when youâre living together.â
But Beomgyu knew that it wasnât.
His breath catches in his throat the moment the name slips from your lips, and his hand grips yours under the sheets. âIâm cold, warm me up, please?â
You relent with a sigh. A small smile twitches the corners of your lips when he nuzzles against your body, and your focus finally turns back to the movie.Â
It was one of your momâs favorites, one from the year you were born called âA Walk to Remember.â It was a sad movieâ you knew the whole time the girl was going to die eventually, which made it hard to enjoy the film itself.
Good thing it was sad, though, when Beomgyu coaxes your hand down the waistband of his pants. Because heâs panting, sniffling in your ear while your fist slides up and down his dick, and his father comments on how funny it was that Beomgyuâs crying so badly at this movie.
You only laugh, looking at Beomgyu with a twinkle in your eyes. âHad no idea you were so sensitive, Gyu.â His eyes are tear-filled when he looks up at you, a little squeak leaving his lips when you thumb over his tip.
âN-not my fault, sheâs gonna die, itâs sad!â
Good lord, you could praise this boys acting skills right now. Beomgyuâs trembling against you, tears slipping down his cheeks so shamelessly. Your mom tosses you a box of tissues. You catch it and take twoâ one for his tears, and one to wipe up the cum thatâs streaking his tummy in white.
You tuck the second tissue under the blanket to clean him up while Beomgyu catches his breath. His chest is heaving, up and down, and when your palm accidentally grazes his already re-hardening dick, he sucks in a breath so sharp he starts coughing.
âIâIâm okay, I swear,â he chokes out, and you rub his back, trying your hardest not to laugh.Â
âYou know,â your mom says when the movie finishes, all four of you in tears. âIâm really glad we can have moments like this, as a family, even though the two of you are all grown up.â
You manage a weak smile at her. You agree with everything in that sentenceâ except the family part. You go to say something, but a warm hand on your thigh turns your attention once more to the brown-haired boy beside you.
âWanna come play with me?â He asks, lips pulled into a pout. If he were asking this a month ago, you wouldâve agreed, no hesitation. You know exactly what his idea of âplayingâ entails.Â
But now, in your current situation, you shake your head. âIâve got homework to do for my class on Monday. Maybe next time.â
You leave the room in a silent stupor, mulling over the thoughts in your head. God, youâre so stupid. How could you fall for him like that again? You promised yourself to leave him alone, and look, here you are, all self-respect gone the moment his body touched yours.Â
You need to distance yourself from him again. You canât fucking do this, any and every choice you make regarding him is going to hurt both of you, and your parents.Â
So you vow to yourself that youâll never have to be in a situation like that with him again. Because you can only assume, with your parents leaving for two weeks, that Beomgyuâs going to pull something like this again.
By then, you hope youâre able to say no.
ËËË â
ËËË
Once your parents leave, you find ways to keep yourself busy all day long, only coming home once you know Beomgyu is asleep in bed. You canât risk being in the vicinity of himâ you donât have enough self control for that, and you know it.
But your friends cancel plans the morning of your sixth day home alone, leaving you to fend for yourself.
Beomgyuâs in the kitchen making coffee when you wake up. Heâs in a pair of grey sweats and a regular black t-shirt, but the simple pairing sets off the glow of his honey-gold skin and you have to take a moment to catch your breath,
âGood morning,â you say, opening the fridge to grab a quick snack.Â
âMorning,â he hums in response, not turning to look at you.
If he had, he wouldâve noticed the way your jaw fell slack, cheeks going hot purely at the sound of his voice. At least half an octave deeper than his regular speaking tone, his morning voice had your stomach twisting the way it used to when he touched you.
âCoffee?â Beomgyu asks, finally looking your way. You can see him mentally making note of your stateâ hair a little disheveled, long shirt hanging to your mid-thigh, tiny shorts not even peeking past the hem.
âSure,â you manage, taking a bite of the protein bar you found in the fridge. Itâs cold, and you almost break a tooth on it, but itâs better than nothing.
Beomgyu grabs your favorite mug from the cabinet, pouring in just the right ratio of cream, sugar, and coffee. You take it, fearing youâre unable to hide your surprise. He catches your eye and a small smile peeks through the otherwise stony expression on his face. âYou think Iâd forget how you take your coffee after three years?â
You sip your drink to hide your smile. âOf course not.â
Over the scent of your coffee, you catch another, familiar smell. Not the smell of Beomgyuâ that you remember all too well. But the smell of your body wash, coming from the boy right next to you.Â
âDid you use my soap?â You ask, eyebrows furrowed. You watch Beomgyuâs body language closely; heâs turning back away from you, shoulders hunched, fidgeting with the silver ring on his finger.
âNâ Yeah, I did, mine was out..â He mumbles, running his hand through his hair.
âOh.â
Thatâs not the truth, you can tell, but you donât push, and Beomgyu quickly changes the subject. âIâm having someone over later, just so you know. If youâre here.â
âMy friends ditched me, so Iâll be here.â You smile wryly. âThanks for the headâs up.â
âOf course.â
The two of you stand there in awkward silence for a moment. The only noise comes from the sipping of your coffee, and the slight hum of the air conditioner pumping out cold air.
âI⊠Iâll be in my room.â You say. Beomgyu nods, looking down at his phone as if he couldnât care less.
Chewing your lip while you walk back to your bedroom, you flop on your bed. Why would he lie to you about using your soap? Itâs not like youâd be mad at all. Itâs entirely fine, youâve used his soap before. Of course, that was for completely different reasonsâŠÂ
Wait.
That couldnât be it at all. Heâs not that perverted, is he? To use your soap to jerk off? Itâd certainly explain his behaviorâŠ
You take a deep breath to clear your thoughts. No, you are not going to think about Beomgyu jerking off with your soap. But the mental image wonât leave you, and before you can even realize what youâre doing, youâre sliding your shorts off your hips and slipping your middle finger between your folds. It brushes your clitâ oh, fuck, you havenât done this in weeks, not since the wedding, and your poor, desperate clit can barely even handle the slight stimulation from your fingertip.Â
Your knees knock together the second the middle finger of your non-dominant hand presses against your awaiting hole, slick already spreading through the thin material of the underwear youâre wearing. The pressure in your abdomen never ceases when you nestle your middle and ring finger entirely between your fluttering walls.
âFâfuck,â you breathe, rolling your hips towards your fingers. Images of Beomgyu are running through your mind with every circle of your finger around your clitâ Beomgyu between your legs, tongue on your clit, fuck, he always loved that⊠Beomgyu with his dick pressed flush to his tummy, whining and pleading for you to touch him, tip leaking precum and making him all a messâŠ
Youâre cumming in seconds at the memory of how heâd whimper under your touch, his pretty brown eyes swimming with tears. Mouth dropped open in silent pleas, you chase your high until your body aches for a break. You rest against the cold of your bedsheets to catch your breath.Â
Settling down with a book, you forget almost entirely what Beomgyuâd said about bringing someone over, until it was almost 4 in the afternoon.
Downstairs, the front door opens. Voices from the living room travel perfectly up to your awaiting ears, and you find yourself pressing your lips together in frustration. Beomgyu didnât mention that the person he was bringing over was a girl.
âIs anyone home?â You can hear her ask, a sickeningly sweet smile lacing her question.
âJust my stepsister.â
And just like that, youâre reduced to nothing but a single word. His stepsister. Like you werenât his sole reason for existence for the past three years. Who did he go to when he was spiraling at night, who did he call up at four in the morning because he knew sheâd always answer? That was you. Not whoever this other girl was.
âOh, good. She wonât mind, will she?â
âOf course not. Especially if you can stay quiet.â
You can practically hear the wink in his voice, and it makes your skin crawl. Is he gonna have sex with her? He wouldnât dare, not with you in the house.
Right?
âWeâll have to see how good you are, then..~â
âTrust me, baby, Iâll show you a good time.â
You shove your earbuds in your ear and blast the most hype music you can, 2010s dance-pop type beats, trying your hardest to drown out anything else that comes from their lips. You can still hear the door to the room across from you slam shutâcan still hear the girls forced pornographic moans. Where the hell did he even find this girl?
After an hour and a half, youâre convinced she must be gone, and you pad down carpeted stairs to make yourself a sandwich. Just in case, music is still playing as loud as possible through your earbuds.
As you slice your sandwich in half, ready to go back to the safety of your room, Beomgyuâs door opens a crack and a lithe figure slips from it. You have to assume itâs the girl you heard beforeâ sheâs about your height, wearing a crop top, short shorts, and sheâs got mascara running down her cheeks. Damn. He mustâve managed to do her good, then. How come he never pulled that out with you?
She catches sight of you. âOh, you must be the stepsister?â
You nod, and she smiles, running a hand through her hair. âI hope we werenât too loud. Iâd hate to disturb you.â
âNo, no.â Youâre quick to assure her that everything is alright. âIâve had music playing the whole time.â
âOkay, good. Well, Iâll be off now. Itâs nice meeting you!â
âNice meeting you too!â You call after her retreating form. With a huff, you settle down on your mattress once more, taking a bite of your sandwich.
Thereâs a knock at your door. âYes?â
Beomgyu pokes his head in. âWanna play?â
Your mouth falls open at his pure audacity to come in here and ask you that after fucking another girl. âNo, I do not.â
âWhy not?â There he goes with that fucking pout again, the one he knows gets you to snap.
âWhy not? Because you just fucked someone else, and I donât feel like fucking someoneâs sloppy seconds. Plus, Iâd probably get an STD of some sort from you.â
âPlease?â
Heâs sitting at the edge of your bed by now, and you reach to grab his chin. âI said no, pet.â
âSee, youâre saying no, but youâre acting all fem-dom and calling me pet, which makes me think that you really do want to fuck me.â Beomgyu gives you a singular shit-eating grin, and you slap him in the face. Hard.
âYouâre such a whore, Beomgyu, god! Why the hell do you think Iâd want to fuck you?? You already got your dick wet once today, is that not enough for you?â
He rubs his cheek with a shocked, wide-eyed expression. Your gaze drops to his crotchâ thereâs a very obvious tent there, and you raise your eyebrows in disgust. âYouâre getting turned on by this?! Youâre fucking disgusting!â You exclaim. âGet out!â
âFine, whatever,â he mumbles under his breath, slinking out of your door and back into his bedroom.
ËËË â
ËËË
Over the course of the next week, you donât see Beomgyu out of his room once. You can hear him, though. Good lord, can you hear him. This house makes you finally realize what âthin wallsâ actually meansâ and every night, you can hear perfectly how heâs whining, whimpering as he gets himself off, gasps of your name the only semi-intelligible sounds that leave his lips.
The past two days, heâs even resorted to leaving his door open all day long. Best be sure youâve seen him changing one too many times, and youâve made sure to be quiet playing with yourself after.
Scrolling on your phone mindlessly, three texts come through simultaneously. Two from you and your friendsâ group chat, and one from Beomgyu. The latter is an image, which is already suspicious in itself, but, against your better judgment, you find yourself opening it. A small noise of surprise leaves your parted lips when you do.
The image is blurry, but you can make out the subject easilyâ Beomgyu, laying back in bed, face-fucked, drool leaking down his chin, all while he holds his dick in one limp hand.
You youâre such a pervert
Gyu <3
donât yiu lije ir?
You
are you seriously jerking off right now?
Gyu <3
Sent a video
You
it was a simple yes or no question you didnât have to send a video to answer
Gyu <3
aswers yws mpmmy
cime plsy pls?
You
if you canât even type out a simple message how am I supposed to believe youâll fuck me good?
Gyu <3
plsplspls neesd yoi sp bsd :()((
You
fine. just this once.
You both knew you were lying.
You peek through the crack in his door, and lord, heâs a sight to behold. Pretty throat on full display with his head rocked back, heâs sliding his hand up and down his dick, small whimpers leaving his lips.
âKnock knock,â you whisper, breathless.
Beomgyuâs glossy eyes light up when he sees you in the doorway. âCome in, please mommy?â
âDoes my pretty boy need help?â You coo, easily slipping into your old dynamic. Itâs familiar, comfortable, so much so that you can almost entirely ignore the guilt pooling in your stomach.Â
âPlease, hurts so bad,â he whimpers, and when you finally take a moment to look at him fully, you believe it.
His dick looks painfully hard, tip red and leaking precum all over the soft skin of his tummy. âI bet⊠awh, pup, why didnât you call me in sooner?â
Lips pulled in a pout, he says, âYou got sâ mad last time, didnât want you to say no.â
âWouldnât, not when youâre like thisâŠâ You wrap a gentle hand around his dick, and he sucks in a sharp breath. âYouâre extra sensitive today, arenât you, pretty?âÂ
He nods quickly. âBeen like this all day, âm so sorryâŠâ
You settle between his legs with a smile. Nosing along the inside of his thigh, you look up at him, eyes narrowed. âDid you use my soap again?â
Beomgyuâs cheeks flush an endearing shade of pink. âThaâs what got me like this in the first place, only wanted to jerk off smelling like you, but then I couldnât forget how you feel âgainst me, so pretty and softâŠâ His eyes shut when you slowly run your hand up the length of him.
âDonât worry, mommyâs got you now, gonâ take such good care of you..~â
His sheets are soft, cool to the touch, and soon thereâs a wet spot on them from the way your saliva slides down his dick. You hollow your cheeks around him as you welcome the familiar tasteâ this isnât anything you havenât done before together. Your nose rests against his pelvis and Beomgyu squirms under your touch. His knuckles are white from gripping the blanket. Itâs almost cute, the way heâs such a mess already, tongue lolled out of his mouth like a dog.Â
His hips twitch up to your mouth and you gag on him once, pressing them back down to the mattress. âDonât move, pretty, let me make you feel good.â
Beomgyu nods again, almost frantically, looking down at you with a wide-eyed look that makes you throb. âF-feels sâ good, mommy, not gonna be able to last, I-Iâm sorryâŠâ
You only hum around the girth of him, reaching up to pull at his nipple, rolling the bud between your fingers, and you feel him twitch in your mouth. âWait, mommy, w-wanna, fuck, wanna cum on your tits, please?â
âIâve got a better ideaâŠâ Shifting so your face is almost parallel to his chest, you hike your shirt up and press your tits together around the base of his dick. A single choked sound falls from his lips and he fucks up towards your tits with a desperation heâs never fucked your cunt with in all your years together. You lick over his tip every time it peeks through your tits, and soon, heâs got tears rolling down his cheeks.Â
âMommy, so close, please let me, wanâ cum, please please please!â His hand flies to your hair, gripping it so hard your scalp twinges.
âGo ahead, pup, you deserve itâŠâ
The pretty boy underneath you lets out a pathetic whine, and rope after rope of warm cum paints your tits in white. Beomgyu pants underneath your touchâ you stroke his cheek consolingly, pressing kisses up the line of his neck. You can feel his heart beat running faster and faster when you lick up his Adamâs apple, sucking a purpling hickey onto it.
âYou alright, pet?â You hum, and he only nods again.
âMommy?â
âYes, Gyu?â
âCan I try topping you?â
His tone is sincere and you could curse yourself for the noise of surprise that slips past the restraint of your lips. Beomgyu looks away, tears filling his waterline again. âNevermind, âs stupid, just thought Iâd ask, been thinking about itâŠâ
âNo, no, Gyu, of course you can, I was just surprised.. Weâve never, you know? Not once in all the years⊠But yes, go ahead, fuck, at least try.â You rush to reassure him, and his eyes go wide.
âFuck, are you being serious?â He runs a hand through his hair, sitting up, and you sit back on your heels.
âYes, Iâm being serious if you are.â
âOkay, fuck, alright, I didnât expect you to say yesâŠâ He seems unsure of what to do with himself, and you slide up the bed until your head is against the headboard, then tug him onto you by his wrist.
âCâmon, pretty, donât tell me youâre gonna chicken out?â You smile, and his eyes fill with an emotion youâve never seen before in him.
Beomgyu kisses you so hard that it catches you off guard, and you smile when his tongue meets yours. Heâs doing well so far, actually.
He pushes your thighs apart, yanking your shorts and panties down and off, slotting himself between your legs to rub three fingers against your clit. An embarrassing mewl of a noise leaves you the moment he makes contact with your swollen bud. You canât pretend you donât notice the cocky smirk that stretches itself over his features. âPretty girlâs already whining for me, what happened, mommy?â
Two long, slender fingers slip to rest between your gummy walls, and Beomgyuâs eyes blow out wide. âFuck, youâre soaked, youâre not usually like this, are you?â
You shake your head, unable to speak when he curls his fingers in towards your stomach at a pace so fast it sends goosebumps up and down your body. âN-no, you know that, donât know why itâs differentâŠâ
He bites his lip in a smile, fingers jackhammering into you. His free hand pushes your thighs back apart when your knees jolt together. âDonât tell me youâre into this, are you, baby?â
âFuck, shut up, Gyu, will you please fuck me?â
âNot with that attitude, baby, not gonna fuck ungrateful brats.â
That makes you shut your mouth. Beomgyu grins down at you again, and the look on his face makes you want to smack him. But you stay quiet, until his other hand finds your clit and youâre cumming around him with a squeak. Beomgyu pulls his fingers out of you with a smug smile, licking them clean, then kisses you again, hiking your shirt up and over your cum-stained tits.Â
âClothes off, darling,â he coos in your ear, catching your earlobe between his teeth.
You slip the shirt off the rest of the way, and Beomgyu narrows his eyes, tongue between his teeth as he looks you up and down. âFuck, youâre so prettyâŠâ
âGyuâŠâ you whisper, and his gaze rests on yours. âPlease?â
âYouâre asking so nicely⊠might as well, think I can cum inside this time?â
âIf you can actually top me without turning into a mess the second you get your dick inside, you can do whatever the fuck you want.âÂ
And you mean it. Itâs not like you havenât thought about him as a domâ the thoughtâs ran through your head almost every day since the first time you fucked him. It just hadnât occurred to you that it was possible for him. Heâs consistently a, for lack of a better word, pathetic sub, whining and panting the moment you touch him. Even if heâd decided to be extra bratty, heâd still lose it all the minute your skin is on his.
So this new change is definitely not unwelcome.
âSounds good, mommy.â
Tip pressed to your dripping cunt, he rocks his hips forward til heâs all the way inside you. You sigh in relief, fitted perfectly. Beomgyuâs always fits inside you like a missing puzzle piece, like he was made to stay here, between your legs.
âFeel so good âround me, baby, always taking me so good⊠Iâve fucked this pretty pussy into being shaped just for me, havenât I?â He rests his forehead against yours, pressing a light kiss to your lips before pulling back to rut his pelvis towards your thighs.
Every drag of his cock along your walls sends ecstasy rolling up your limbs. Fuck, thank god heâs good with his hips. The fact that heâs managing more than the measly twitches of his hips youâre used to is impressive in itself, but heâs even better than that, and the pure pleasure settling in your lower stomach is enough to have fresh tears sliding off your cheeks and onto his pillowcase.
âGyu, fuck, need more, fâ oh fuckâ faster, please?â You mumble, left hand clutching his forearm, while your right hand wound itself through the silky strands of his hair. Your thumb brushes over the slight stubble of his cheek, and he smiles at you, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.
He pushes his hair back and out of his face, and the simple sight of his forehead on display has your stomach twisting deliciously. Pace turning from quarter notes to eighth notes, your body jolts in reaction, and you swallow thickly. He looks so good above youâ pretty chocolate brown hair swept out of his face, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, your gaze drops to the smooth bare of his torso. He wasnât âbuffâ by any means, but your eyes settle on lines of muscle under his skin that definitely werenât there a month and a half ago.
âPet, have you been working out?â Your words are embarrassingly choked. Beomgyu gives you another shit-eating grin.
âI have, do you like it?â Despite the mocking tone in his voice, thereâs an underlying note of something else, like heâs waiting for you to say yes.
So you do, because itâs the answer, and the look of pure joy on his face makes it all worth it. âLike it sâ much, Gyu, look so prettyâŠâ
âNot as pretty as you, mommy, look at you, all a mess underneath me anâ I swear youâve never looked better..~â
Your walls fluttering around the girth of him betrays your straight face, and Beomgyu presses a kiss to your parted lips. âLike when I tell you that, mommy? Like when Gyu says you look so perfect under him, all fucked out on his dick, hm?â
You nod frantically, and he nods back at you, bottom lip caught between his teeth. âMean every word of it, pretty girl looks like a fucking angel with my dick inside herâŠâ
You tighten desperately around him with a whine, gripping at the hands heâs got on your waist to pull you closer to him. âGyu, fuck, gonna c-cum, tâ good, please, wanna..!â
âGo âhead, baby, cum all over my cock, love the way you feel âround me..~â
You can feel him quivering above you when you clamp down on him, orgasm hitting you like a fucking truck, and Beomgyu kisses away the tears on your cheeks. âThere we go, thereâs my good girl⊠C-can I cum too, please?â
âGo ahead, Gyu, youâve done so good, made mommy feel so good, oh fuck!âÂ
Heâs fucking into you with a new desperation to reach his high, completely disregarding the fact that youâve only just came, and the overstimulation makes your grip tighten on his arm. âGyu, calm down, fuck, hurts, canâtâ canât take it, Gyu!â
Beomgyu shakes his head, panting in your ear, body trembling against yours. âCan take it, youâre such a good girl, arenât you? Gotta get me off now, âs my turn.â
Fuck, how the tables have turned. A complete 180 from the night of the wedding, and heâs coaxing you to take him despite the way your body begs for a break. The sound of his hips meeting yours over and over again is prominent over the short moans that every one of his movements pulls from your lips.
âOh, oh fuck, fuck, taking me so good, thank you, thank you, fuck!â Voice breathless, he pins your hips to his, milking himself inside you.
Oh shit. Itâs not like youâve never had the boy cum inside youâ itâs happened once or twice, on accident, and you best believe you both freaked the fuck out afterwardsâ but this time, itâs different. Heâs holding your body to his, both of you shaking, and the way you can feel his warm cum in your womb is making you weak.
Beomgyu stays like that for a moment, arms around you, yours around him, dick nestled between your walls. Heâs so fucking warm against you, pants painting your skin. The intimacy of it all is almost enough to have you running out of the room immediately, but something in the tone of his voice convinces you to stay.Â
When he finally pulls out, his cum drips from your cunt and onto his sheets, but you can tell Beomgyu couldnât care less. His eyes are transfixed on the white of his cum on your thighs, the way it seems like his seed could be leaking from you forever.
Finally, he gets up to find a washcloth to clean you up, and does so with such tenderness that your heart twinges.
âGyu, we have to talkâŠâ you mumble against his hair.
Laying in his bed, the both of you are dressed only in the bare minimum, Beomgyuâs face resting on your chest, and every once in a while you can feel him sucking a purpling mark onto the flesh of your breasts.
He shakes his head in response to your suggestion. âNo, we donât.â
âWe do, we canât keep doing thiââ
His finger on your lips cuts you off. âShush, youâre ruining pillow talk. This is not how itâs supposed to be.â
âListen to me, Beomgyu! I canât do this, fucking you isnât gonna do anything but hurt everyone around us. Donât you understand?â
Heâs got the same pout on his face and you know you wonât be able to argue with whatever heâs going to say, that look gets you every fucking time.Â
Before he can answer, however, the front door bangs open and two voices, one male, one female, call out, âWeâre home! Where are the two of you?â
Youâre cursing your parents for ruining your important talk, but Beomgyuâs thanking them as the two of you frantically pull your clothes on.Â
Conversation postponed. ;)
#adas hard hours#txt smut#txt hard hours#txt hard thoughts#kinktober 2024#aduh0308's kinktober#beomgyu hard hours#beomgyu smut#beomgyu hard thoughts#txt x yn#txt x you#txt x reader#beomgyu x reader#beomgyu x you#tw stepcest
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the reader dbf patrick stepdaddy art is DIABOLICAL and i need it RIGHT NOW actually. crying on patricks cock for the first time while art watches like, "im sorry, daddy, 'm sorry, just wanted it so bad, so so badly, you understand, right, you get it?" and the funny thing is, he totally does, because its patrick, yes, he gets it, more than anything he gets it, but this is wrong, isn't it? this is wrong and fucked up and evil, but you're reaching for his belt with wide, wet eyes, begging, "can make it up to you, daddy, can make you feel real good, please, 'm sorry, let me show you how sorry i am" and his resolve just has to crumple.
(obviously there has to be about six million years of YEARNING in between but you know. the horny.)
-kit âĄâĄâĄ
@gamesetart ur sick for enabling me. i slowed things down a little bc i was cooking but the outcome will probably eventually be this. LMAO
under a cut because like patrick, this is sending me straight to hell i fear.
skipping ahead a million years just to fuck stepdad!art who also happens to be patricks ex who hes never gotten over and has been friends with this whole time - maybe its his fault actually, that you fall in love with patrick at the tender age of 14 - because art loves him so much. hes around so much. like father like daughter, right? he might not be your dad by blood but he is in every other way that counts - he has full custody - your mom been out of the picture for awhile now. its almost like having two dad, growing up. you think art and patrick are closer than any two men you've seen before. but they date other women so you don't think much of it - you want art to be happy again. you dont blame him for leaving your mother, you're just happy he took you with him.
anyway - falling for patrick is inevitable - it burns inside you like a wildfire you have no chance of stopping, so you dont try.
and patrick..... maybe he's given up hope on art after all these years. they'd had something brief and tangible in college - but it'd fizzled out - art had pretended it didn't happen. and patrick loved art too much to press the issue. he'd been content to live forever being arts best friend and nursing a flame for him that would never be returned.
and then you'd come along - it'd been hell watching art get married - he never liked that bitch, anyway, for more reasons than sharing arts bed. she treated her kid like dirt. art even worse. it got to a point where the only reason art was staying around was for you - he couldn't leave you. you were just a kid. and art had only been with you for three years but it was enough. enough for him to love you. enough for him to martyr himself for you and stay in an unhappy marriage if it meant he could play the role of daddy for you.
it may have been him who planted the seed. he'd met you a few times by that point, but he remembers a pool party where you'd been sucking on a lollipop as you watched art work the grill - your mother somewhere inside - you were twelve then - old enough to have some brain cells, patrick figured.
"he'd make a good dad, dont you think?" he'd nudged you. "i mean look at him - already rocking the dad stance with a fucking polo to match. he'll be telling us it looks like a storms rollin' in any second now."
and you'd popped the lolly out of your mouth and showed him your teeth with your smile.
a raised brow. "really? does he know that? does your mother?"
"he already is my dad, though."
you'd frowned. stuck the lolly back in your mouth. he could tell he'd given your brain alot to think about that.
it was only a year later that the divore was finalized. and art was granted full custody of you as his daughter - full guardianship. patrick got him the hell out of that town shortly thereafter.
and that was it, really. that was the plan. just to live in peace. he didn't expect to grow so attached to you. to enjoy watching you grow up. to enjoy being there for your important milestones. he saw a bit of himself in you, too, that wild precociousness. that want to run free. saw how it fucking terrified art, who wanted nothing but the best for you after the life you'd had. always the hero.
so yeah, when you'd started your rebellious teen phase he'd helped you hide it. picked you up from parties when you couldn't drive home instead of calling your dad. because he didn't want to see art unhappy. he didn't want to see art look at you and see the patrick in you and hate it. he couldn't.
he didn't know you'd fall in love with him. he didn't.
and when he realized you had, he'd pushed you away. he had.
but the thing is - as much as you had patrick in you - you had art as well. your inherent kindness. your sweet open face. your determination and dedication. he saw it and then he couldn't unsee it. and as long as he'd held onto his love for art he was tired. he was fucking tired of being unloved and unwanted and here you were - a tether to art - his beautiful babygirl - and you were throwing yourself at him. loving him. wanting him. so fucking beautiful and innocent - just like art had been, all those years ago.
couldn't fault him for caving. he'd faught it, but patricks not a good man. and hes a stray dog at the end of the day, dirty and hungry and begging for scraps.
he fucking devoured you. took from you. took your virginity - just like he did your fathers - broke it on his cock and tried not to feel sick that the symbolic way your blood drenched his cock connected you and him and art in a way that was as holy and it was perverted. he fucked you and he fucked you and he fucked you. he had you whenever and wherever he wanted and he didn't allow himself to think about the consequences of it - because he was fucking greedy for it - you took everything he was and you bit into it and you bounced on his dick like he was a fucking god and he found himself falling in love all over again.
he'd find a way to tell art and make it right. he would.
but then there'd been that night when art asked him out for drinks and patrick would tell something was wrong. he'd been distant from art lately, if he was being honest, consumed completely by you. the only reason he was free was because you were at a friends.
when art had confessed he felt you pulling away the guilt had set in... because art looked so sad. so pathetic and lonely and patrick had never wanted this for art. his heart pitched and dropped in his chest and he couldn't tell art about you - not now -
and then art had looked at him and said "you know she reminds me of you -" and patricks lips had parted. the alcohol in his system warmed his blood, but so did the heavy weight of arts eyes on him. it was a look patrick hadn't seen in years. decades even.
It was how you looked at him.
hungry.
that's all patrick thought as art drew closer and closer to him. fuck, when art placed a hand on his thigh. fuck, when his cock twitched. fuck, when art said he missed those days back in college. fuck, when art leaned in and patrick didn't pull away.
fuck.
fuck again, when he came to and they were back at arts apartment - fuck when they passed your room and thank fuck you weren't home, thank fuck - fuck fuck fuck when art got on his knees and stroked patricks cock and patrick thought his first clear thought of the night -
fuck fuck and fuck again because he lost his mind a little when arts lips touched his. went a little dizzy with it.
fuck fuck fuck - because arts sinful pink mouth descended around him and he fucking moaned around it and in some twisted dark corner of patricks seedy mind he thought art must taste you on him - must know its you hes tasting and thats why he throats him deeper like a fucking whore.
i fucked her this morning. he's about to suck his daughter's pussy off my dick and he doesn't even fucking know -
patrick knows hes going to hell.
he knows it because he uses the same fingers he'd had inside your cunt to spread your dads ass open for the same dick he'd plunged into you - he knows hes going to hell because when he slides inside and art moans he thinks he sounds just as pretty as you do - they take me so fucking well - made for me - fucking made for me
and when he pulls out to come down and swallow arts cock down his own throat he moans when he thinks about kissing you later tonight with your fathers spunk on his tongue -
hes going to hell.
#ask#frens <3#tw: incest#its stepcest technically but like.#just fucked up dynamics#patrick.... u are not seeing heaven#dbf!patrick
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Hear me outâŠ
Jaden getting addicted to readerâs smile as she becomes his own addiction
Smile Struck Introduction
pairing: yandere! Hood Drug Dealer Jaden đž x Fem Reader
summary :Â meeting of course, its a little long but enjoy n give feedback! I love Jaden omg
warnings: drugs will be involved in most of his stories⊠heâs a drug dealer duh! and cursing
Authors note : check out my oc profiles to learn more about jaden
Jaden liked to drive to clear his head. Of course, he could relax at home. But something about driving with no purpose other than to think and listen to music calmed him. There was no destination, that would ruin the relaxation. He just drove until he felt calm. He could think straight. Breathe easy.Â
And he loved his car. He cared for it like it was his first and only child. He never let his car get dirty. Never missed an oil change. Hell, he never even let the gas go below a quarter of a tank. His car was just one of the things he was proud of. His career choice although illegal, he was proud of.
He always made sure his family was straight. He played it safe, he had little to no enemies, and his criminal record was clean. He also had respect. In his hood, people knew and respected him. He didnât sell to kids, he didnât go around starting fights, and he didnât bring the cops snooping around in the area.Â
It was a Monday night, people werenât exactly blowing up his phone trying to get served, so he had time for his relaxing drive. As his drive neared its end he stopped at a nearby gas station. His car would attract attention of course, but nothing most folks werenât used to. This was the inner city, with plenty of tricked-out cars.Â
He wanted a pack of gum and a bottle of water. Also to fill his beloved car with premium gas. He loved to chew gum. Later youâd notice when you kissed him you could taste it.Â
He hopped back on the highway to head home. He felt great. Things were good for him. Business was good. Life was good. His mom didnât have to worry about much. Thatâs what mattered most to him.Â
A smile on his face as he drove, was soon removed. He felt the powerful jolt of another car hitting his rear. He was a player but not too player for a seatbelt luckily. He was unharmed âŠ. But his most prized possession was not. His jaw clenched as he unbuckled his seatbelt to get out of his car and assess the damage. Oh, and curse the other driver the fuck out!Â
They were 100 percent at fault. They rear-ended him. He would never drive so recklessly not in his baby! When he stepped out of his car he was bombarded by you.
âOH MY GOD, ARE YOU OK??? IM SO FUCKING SORRY PLEASE DO NOT CALL THE POLICE!!!â, you screamed frantically with tears streaming down your face. In your disheveled state, you grabbed him, hands all over his chest checking for injuries.Â
Wow, you were breathtaking even in tears and in shock. He had expected some ugly ass old man had hit his car. Not you, the most gorgeous woman he had seen in a while. He had to get on your good side. So instead of cursing you out as previously planned he grabbed your hands and held them to his chest, âIâm fine, are you ok? no cops sweetness I promise.â
âOh hello, my goodness, yes Iâm ok, but Iâm sure my car isnât, and I donât even want to think about what Iâve done to yours.â You replied hands still in his against his chest.
âDonât worry weâll get it fixed, from the looks of it mine is still drivable⊠but yours ⊠you should probably call your man to pick you up.â He was fishing, he hoped and prayed you didnât have a man. And even if you did, no one he couldnât get rid of.
âUh no actually I donât have a boyfriend, Iâll call my dad, heâs going to kill me âŠfuck.â With that realization, you began to sob. Cute, you were a little crybaby.Â
âShh shhh, I can drive you, and I can get it towed I know a guy itâs free.â He cooed; he already didnât like to see you cry. Especially if he could fix it. He had tons of connections, none with a tow truck though, no worries heâd pay.Â
âNo thatâs too much, I fucked your car up, and now youâre helping me, you should be getting my information and taking my dumb ass to court.â You replied.Â
âOh yeah that, letâs exchange information, I just need your name and number my insurance company can sort the rest out.â That was a lie, he didnât plan on filing a claim, and he had enough cash on him to cover the repairs. But he did need your name and number.Â
âOf course, itâs f/n l/n, 000-000-0000â you spoke while he inserted it in his phone and texted the tow company.Â
âGot it, my guy is on the way with the tow truck, oh and I know a nice repair shop itâll be the cheapest I told him to take it there. Iâm sure I can get you a low price.â Now that was the truth, his uncle had one of the best repair shops in the city. The price would be free because he would pay and not tell you.Â
âMy gosh I canât thank you enough sir, you are so nice, especially considering the circumstancesâ You couldnât believe the kindness and mercy of this handsome ⊠very handsome stranger after you hit his very expensive car.Â
âNo problem, itâs what I do. You can call me Jaden, not sir, sweetness. Hop in, Iâll take you wherever you need.â He replied with a smirk.Â
And thatâs when he saw itâŠ. Your smile. Your smile was so big, bright, and beautiful. He swore he almost fell over. Your smile was natural he could tell you never had braces but cared for your teeth. They werenât fake like the veneers lots of girls would get these days, they were natural in color. He swore he could count all 32 of them.Â
You were gorgeous before. but something about that smile. It did things to him, his mind, his body. He knew he would do literally anything to keep that smile on your face. Whatever it took, whatever he could do. And if it was something he couldnât, heâd become a better man for you so he could.Â
He had to see you again. He had to make you want him like he wanted ⊠no needed you. Even though you had nearly demolished the back side of his first love, and when he thought about the damage, he damn near threw up. You had given him the opportunity to insert himself into your life, so maybe it wasnât so bad after all.Â
So, as he drove to your apartment, you two talked, starting to get to know each other. You both liked what you saw and what you heard. He realized you were new to the city, no close friends, or relatives. No way to get to and from work while your car was being repaired. So, he offered. Of course, at first, you declined it was too much. You barely knew each other, he had already done so much, what about his job? He reassured you and told you he owned his own business it was fine, what else would you do? So, you agreed. He was elated, now he could see his sweetness every day. At least for a little. But no, it wouldnât end there, he was smooth. Heâd ask you out before your car was fixed. Fuck that heâd ask you as soon as possible. He didnât mean to rush things. He just knew you were perfect for him.Â
The first day he came to pick you up, you texted him to honk and just text he was outside. But he was a gentleman at least for you. He came to your door and knocked. You were shocked but smitten by the gesture. Even more so when he had breakfast ready for you in his car, opened all the doors for you, buckled you in, and asked what you wanted to listen to. That same evening, he asked you on a date at the end of the week. To which you agreed. You were excited, he was kind, and so many other things. Your rides to and from work were filled with laughs and smiles from both of you.Â
On that Saturday evening, you two went on your first date. He made sure to trap all week so he could spoil his darling. He took you to a very nice restaurant. He sat beside you in the booth, not across from you. He liked to be closer to you. His large body blocked you in and you couldnât even be seen by outsiders he liked that. Your outfit was beautiful. For work, you still looked stunning, but you dressed more formally, not yourself. But here with him on this date, you let your creativity flow in your outfit. He was fly, and you matched it. It wasnât revealing but man did it arouse him, you always did.
At the end of your date at a mom-and-pop ice cream shop. Where of course once again you insisted on paying, he frowned at you and pulled out a stack of cash. Your displeasure disappeared once you two were at the table sharing ice cream. You even used the same spoon. You didnât realize it, but he did, it was intentional he was even feeding you. He made sure you got a spoonful first, so he could taste you off the spoon. When he drove you to your apartment and came to a park you turned to him, âJaden, I donât want to seem fast, or like a hoe or something but I really like you. Thank you for everything, from my car to the perfect date.â
If he could Jaden would dap himself up. He knew he had a game. But with you, he had to be careful, you were special. He turned to you and spoke up, âItâs no problem sweetness, any man would do it for the woman heâs interested in.â He said as he grabbed your hand from the console intertwining it with his and kissing the back of it.Â
Whew, your pussy was on fire. You had to get out of this car before he had you in the backseat. Then heâd really think youâre a hoe. Of course, he wouldnât but you thought so. âJaden uhm I should probably head inside, would you ⊠would you like a kiss?â You could barely get it out before he grabbed the back of your neck kissing you deeply. You were starstruck, while he seemed so calm, so reserved. But inside he was crazy for you. The kiss was perfect, your lips and his lips together sent a chill down his spine and made this dick throb. He willed it down. He would be good to you.Â
âGoodnight y/n, let me walk you up, Iâll text you when I get home. You will call me before you go to sleep, sweetness?â, He asked.Â
âOf Course, Jaden,â you replied.Â
He planned on making you some part of his life the day you met but this week and tonightâs date sealed the deal, and if that wasnât enough, you smiled at him with all 32 of your teeth before you closed and locked the door to your apartment. There it was that smile; damn he was absolutely sprung.Â
#exophelia#darling core#darlingcore#yandere vent#obsessive love#yandere thoughts#yanderecore#yandere#actually obsessive#obsession#obslove#obsessive yandere#obsessivecore#obsessive thoughts#soft yandere#black reader#black fanfiction#black fem reader#black fem!reader#yandere x reader#yandere oc#yandere imagines#yandere x darling#yandere oc x reader#tw yandere#fem reader#yandere insert#fluff#starbox#Jaden
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you're the only sp writer i request from you're literally my fav đąđą but can i request stan kyle and kenny with a reader who gets jealous really easily??
reader who is easily jealous
an, HI OMG THIS IS SO SWEET ILY ANON âčïžâčïžđ«¶đ«¶ 18-19
kyle
okay kyle didn't know you were the type to get easily jealous, i mean he js thought you didn't really care and kinda let him roll with whoever he wants but thats probably because he hangs out with girls who are in the same cliques as you so,,
it was until you literally glared at the waitress who stared at him for one too many seconds he knew, you ended up having a bad mood throughout the whole meal and eyeing the waitress "baby r you okay?" "why? if im not are you going to leave me for that stupid waitress?" "WHAT NO???"
theres always two reasons why you're so quiet on a date, kyle was too friendly with a girl or a girl was too friendly with him. you ignore him roll your eyes at him and he's just begging you to give him an ounce of attention.
if a girl likes his story you literally stalk her, her mom, her brother, her father, her boss, her colleagues everything.
you continue to ignore that girl for weeks and roll your eyes at her whenever you see her around cz why u liking my mans story? keep your likes baby
he finds it so hot tbh like omg ur this obsessive with me?? đ€ he gets turned on by this for sure.
even though he finds it attractive and it gets him all sweaty he needs to he careful because you weren't easy to persuade once your jealous fr. once he had to get down on his knees, crying out to you to please look at him. he loves you though and he'd do it again
a thud was heard from your window, then another, and another. it was annoying you so you open your curtains to see what was causing the noise, it was your boyfriend. you opened up your window sticking out half of your body out of the window, "kyle?" you yell, "please unblock me, i dont know why she follows and likes all my post i swear" he yells back. you smile to yourself at how desperate this man is "what if i dont want to?" you put your hands in the frame of the window smiling "um,, I haven't really thought about it" "oh bye then" "wait wait!" he called out and you turn back from walking away. "I'll uh.. I'll freeze myself!" your eyes upon widen at his dumb idea "what no you idiot" he takes off his jacket, gloves and hands then put it on the ground, he then kneels clasp his hands together "please?" "omg." you rub your temples together and rush down. kyle sighs thinking you left him, looking at the ground of shame because now the neighbors think he got another girl pregnant or something. the front door open and he flung his head to its direction, you walked out with your own coat wrapping it around him "you can beg all you want but there's a way to do it without hurting yourself" "anything to make you happy" "I'm not" he chuckles as you drag him inside "don't do that again" "hmm we'll see" "kyle brofloski!" he chuckles again at you while you bring him up to your room, he really loves you.
kenny
LOVES IT SO FUCKING MYCH đđđ
its like he knows you love him because you'll isolate yourself just because a girl winked at him and won't see him until he begs for forgiveness even though it aint his fault
okay that kinda sounds like a redflag,, WTV WALK HIM LIKE A DOG IG đ€
anyways, he doesn't hate it dont care if it interferes his life. even if he has to give up everything to make you talk to him he'll do it IM NOT JOKING
he does not care, he has to block all the girls he knows? okay! never talk to any of his girl friends? yea sure! breath only your air and not lay his eyes on a single woman except you only? anything you want babe âșïž
ALSO GETS HARD FOR THIS PLEASE. i js know he's turned on after you get visually jealous.
"please baby look at me" he pulls your arm for you to stop your tracks from going into your room "shut up, maybe you should go to that hoe who waved at you, why did she wink?? did you two used to have something??" you pull back your arm and go up the stairs with kenny following in suit. arriving infront of your bedroom kenny pulled your arm again and when you turned he immediately fall to his knees "please, i dont know her" he hold your palm with both hands, glossy eyed "i,, kenny" "please?" tilting his head to the side, he'll sit there for hours if he has to. "get up mccormick, im sorry i overreacted" he got up so quickly then hugged you, his head falling on your shoulder "loveyou" his breath on your shoulder, you smile "love you too"
stan
i think he has a love hate relationship with your jealousy, like on one hand he knows you love him and would literally kill anyone for him but on the other... its kinda tiring to beg to you
i mean he doesn't care going on his knees, and crawling all fours for you but at times he just can't deal with it yk??
but he mostly loves it obvi, the way your eyes stay focus on the girl that was 'hitting' on him or the way you sulk and won't tell him why even though its obvious it's bc your jealous, its all so cute to him. and he loves this side of your jealousy, just couples being couple
other times though.. you'd block gim everywhere and won't unblock him until the next day when you reflect on your stupid decisions. or when you ignore him at school or not even make eyecontact with him, he hates and loves it.
you had another quarrel with stan again, this fight was because he still comments 'âșïž' under Wendy's post of herself, it was valid true but you still thought you overreacted. sitting on your bed with your arms cross and tears almost falling down at the thought of Stan going back to wendy broke your heart. ding a notification popped up and you pick up your phone hoping it was stan despite you blocking him everywhere, it was your friend "um, whats up with stan?" she texted you "wdym" your eyebrows furrow together, you immediately unblock him on Instagram and to your surprise his profile picture was you, his stories had 8 pictures of you with cute songs behind it. he had posted 2 picture of you two on his feed one captioning "traveling the moon and back to find good internet to see if her blocking me was a mistake or im a mistake". his bio was now "tell her to unblock me âčïž". you smile at this and your cheeks turned a pink tint. you unblocked him on every platform and it seems he had changed his profile picture to you on every single one. "." "BABE YOU UNBLOCKED ME" "i mean yeah i have to especially since i have 5 people texting me about your profile" "just wanted to show my girlfriend love" "whatever" a knock was heard on your door, then a chat from stan "open up i brought food and wine" you smile and blush to yourself as your rush down to open the door. he was the sweetest
#south park#south park x y/n#south park x you#kenny mccormick#kenny mccormick x reader#south park x reader#kyle broflovski x reader#kyle broflovski#stan marsh x reader#stan marsh
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bloom
ten
âi wanna talk to daddy too!â
âitâs still my turn, jas! mamma tell jas to stop.â aster yells for his mom.
eddie was currently on the phone trying to talk to all of his kids. he had two more concerts left before he heads home to finally be with his family.
he definitely needed to get back. they never argued like this whenever he was around. he feels guilty for being gone even more than ever.
âyou talk to him forever, aster!â
âalright, kids! youâre all gonna get your turn to talk to daddy, okay? aster, let your sister talk to him now, okay?â
âbut mamma.â
âlisten to your mother, ash. daddy loves you and heâll be home soon, okay?â
aster sniffles. he hands the phone to his baby sister before running towards his mom and crying. yn frowns, hating seeing her baby so sad.
âi miss him, mamma.â
âi know, baby. but heâll be back home soon, okay? then heâll give you so many cuddles.â
âpromise?â
âi promise, baby.â yn cuddles her son as she kisses the top of his head. she smiles as she watches her eldest daughter go on and on about the new toy her uncle steve bought her.
eddie just hums in response. he makes a mental note to tell steve to stop spoiling the kids. between him and dustin, the kids will need another toy box. and they already had three.
âoh and daddy, luna called you by your name yesterday! mamma says it was funny but i âmember you told us not to call you that. i told her but she didnât really listen.â
eddie chuckles.
âyeah? good job baby! did you tell her my names daddy or dada, or dad?â
âmhm! she just kept saying it, daddy. donât know why sheâs not listening.â
âsheâs still a baby, sweetie. sheâs only two. she doesnât understand. but you did a good job. now itâs past your bedtime baby. give mamma the phone, okay?â
âokay! i love you, daddy.â
âi love you too, jas. give daddy a kiss, yeah?â
jasmine puckers her lips and kisses the phone just the same as her father. she walks over to her mom and hands her the phone.
âhey.â
âhi, baby. are our other little munchkins sleep?â
âyeah, that are. lunaria tried to fight her sleep knowing youâd call late. poor thing, could barely keep her eyes open past 8:30.â
âmy poor angel. i canât wait to get home to you. only two more shows, baby. then im back with my family and we can make up for lost time.â he whispers the last part. yn could practically see his smirk.
âeds!â
âi just miss you. im gonna take my sweet time too. have grandpa wayne take the kids for the night. just you and i all night.â
âkids, get to bed yeah?! daddy says he loves you.â
âlove you daddy!â
âlove you, dad.â
the oldest two went to their room.
yn gets back to her conversation with her fiancee. âeddie, we talked about this. you canât keep doing that knowing you canât do anything to help me.â
âim sorry baby. justâgod i miss you. ive been thinking bout you for hours on stage. got myself hard and everything.â
âyeah? howâd that go with the crowd? did they notice?â
âim sure they did. i wouldnât be surprised if its all over twitter.â
âyou werenât that hard were you?â
âyou remember those black leather pants i wore to steveâs and nancyâs wedding?â
âyou didnât! i told you not to pack those.â
âtheyâre my favorite pair of pants. but wearing them reminds me of the night lily was conceived.â
âeds! itâs your fault if your print ends up on social media. i told you not to wear those. suffer the consequences.â yn shakes her head and giggles.
ânot funny, babe. itâs your fault.â
âhow?!â
âi donât know yet.â
âim in love with an goofball, i swear.â yn shakes her head before yawning.
âbaby, get some sleep okay?! ill talk to you later.â
âbut i miss you.â yn whines.
âbut youâre tired! i love you okay? get some rest baby.â
âfine! i love you too, rockstar.â
#jqhotchner#jqhotchner masterlist#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x black!reader#eddie munson x black fem!reader#eddie munson x fem reader#eddie munson series#eddie munson x fem!reader#dad!eddie munson x reader#modern eddie munson#rockstar eddie munson#bloom jqhotchner
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Just thought something.
Bobby Nash and fatherhood.
His dad was an alcoholic , abusive person who ruined their family and Bobby's childhood . He grew up to be an alcoholic himself and continued the cycle of abuse , getting his children killed in a fire which he thinks is his fault .
He runs away from his past , the ghost of his family , but fatherhood doesn't stop following him.
He finds out his blood saves millions of new born kids , and while he tears himself apart inside about it , because "those are the wrong kids ! I want my kids !" , but then chimney reminds him "do they not feel like your kids anymore? It's your blood that's running in their veins" , and that's literally. Even if bobby nash thinks "he's nobody's father" , his blood is literally running in the veins of thousands , maybe millions of little kids , making them his In sort of ways . Like chimney says , he failed to save his biological kids , but instead the universe gave him the gift (curse , as he thinks ) of being able to save thousands of others instead.
The 118 comes into his life . The once hostile to him firehouse slowly becomes his , and the firefighters take a place in his heart , even though "he didn't want anyone to get that close to him" .
All this young people start looking up at him , and then there is this new kid called buck who comes into his heart .
"they went to a Springsteen concert and buck called him 'pops'" and suddenly bobby nash realised that he found himself a family on his way , As hard as he had tried not to.
Though no one voices it , because they all had daddy issues themselves and possibly didn't want to get hurt , but bobby became the team dad over the years. He cooked for them , provided a shoulder for them to cry on , it was he who they went to for advices, bobby was the person the 118 looked up to .
And bobby realised that as much as he was scared to mess it up , he had kids to look after again .
He met Athena , who had children of her own , who became his stepchildren as they married . A boy and a girl , just like the ones he had lost before. He and Harry wasn't that close , given that Harry lived with David and Micheal , but slowly, may and bobby formed a bond just as close and any father and his daughter.
When bobby heard may was trapped in a burning building , it was like history repeating itself , and bobby was determined to change the ending no matter the cost. He saved may , got a bit of his redemption.
And his paternal love kept growing over the years. Some people are just natural dads , and bobby nash is one of them . The 118 truly starts to feel like his kids again, which is why when one of them is in danger , Bobby's world crashes and burns. He doesn't let buck come back to the frontline, he gives him some slack , he doesn't let Eddie return either , because he won't let them get hurt again , even if they hate him for it .
And the feelings is not just from Bobby's side either . Its mutual . "Mom brought two kids into the marriage you brought one" , "he is the closest thing I have to a father" - all of them thinks bobby as their father , their gurdian .
Bobby Nash may have left fatherhood in the ashes of his old life back in Minnesota , but fatherhood didn't leave him .
Mr . Bobby 'im nobody's father' Nash was , and always will be a dad .
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lately I've been listening to death cup by mom jeans on repeat and I can NOT stop thinking about how it's so oumota coded so I'm gonna explain WHY its oumota coded â
"I think it's 'bout time that I warned you, I might cry in front of you." : there was no way kokichi wasn't horrified to die. yeah, maybe it was easy for him to run away from that dreadful fact, but imagine how he felt lying on the hydraulic press, knowing the inevitable was just moments away? And all kaito could do was watch it happen.
"I didn't want you to feel like it was all your fault." : okay, so we should all know by now that kokichi, deep down, was an empathetic and caring person. yeah, he made kaito kill him, but im sure he felt guilty for making him do that, not wanting to burden him with the fact that he had to murder someone.
"but that doesn't mean that I wanted you to feel nothing at all." : kokichi didn't want anyone to grieve over his death, he wanted everyone to hate him and that was PART of the reason why, he didn't want to be missed and mourned for. but there was probably a part of him that wanted kaito to feel something. to feel loss, grief. to mourn for him.
"please, tell me how the fuck I'm supposed to deal with losing you." : kaito finally started understanding kokichi, something he wanted probably the whole game, just for kaito to have to kill him. this guy has MAJOR white knight syndrome, so knowing he wasn't able to help kokichi and truly get to know him better most likely felt like a literal stab in the heart âčïž
"so what's the point of talking if you're not changing your mind?" : kaito trying his hardest to convince kokichi that there was another way to end the killing game without ending his LIFE, but kokichi being the stubborn idiot he is, shut him up immediately and they continued to go through with the plan, as much as kaito begged him to change his mind.
thank you for coming to my oumota ted talk đđđ
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11.02.22
i dont know how to stop it. the thoughts the memories. i thought that maybe when you decided it would all stop. contrary, they wont stop. im stuck thinking about the last 6 months and the times i could of been better and done better. the times where i should of stayed quiet where i should have loved you more. theres no benefit in thinking it though. i know you've made up your mind. and when i called you out i didn't think you would leave. i thought you'd stay like you had before. i thought you would fight more or maybe even just try. but this time you didn't. you left, you moved on. and now i think where i went wrong and if i could just been different. that if maybe i wasn't so messed up you would of stayed. maybe if i was less sad less me you wouldn't leave. but its ok. i know she is kind and she is beautiful. she is loved and taken care of. she can love you. and i know you deserve who takes away all the lies and brings you hope, poetry, and most importantly coffee. if i could talk to her, i would tell her this. his birhtday is january 10. hes actually not a typical capricorn but that might be because his mother is a cancer. hes emotional. he is kind. he is thoughtful. his love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. hes a great gift giver. he has the biggest heart. hes easily influenced. gym is his therapy. he loves his family especially his sister and his mom. hes actually a feminist. hes a clean person. his alcohol tolerance is suprsisngly high. he likes to party and have fun. but more importantly i think he likes to stay in and do nothing. his favorite color is blue but he looks great in orange. his favorite artist is j balvin. and his music taste is impeccable. hes cannot park if his life depended on it but hes a great driver. he has a sweet tooth and probably the reason he has so many cavities. his favorite sweet is donuts, coming in second gummies. his grandpa is his biggest inspiration. and like many people, he's been hurt too many times especially by me. he has the worst anxiety and overthinks too much. his best friend committed suicide and his cousin was close to. he needs reassurance and lots of love. overall, i think he's the only person who has fought for me and for our relationship something i couldn't understand and maybe why i can't let it go.Â
i know you deserve more than i could ever give you. you deserve an easy love with someone who doesn't have so many layers to cut through. someone with less complications and more love to give. in fact someone who isn't afraid to be loved. i know my thoughts wont leave because i live with regret, i live with sadness. i know i'll have to live without you and live with the thought that i failed you. and more importantly that given the choice, you wouldn't choose me anymore. that i am no longer the girl you want to be with and the one you want to spend the rest of your life with . i am not the first thought in your mind and i am not the last one either. you have simply moved and found arms to come home to. and i am stuck being the sad story. the girl who cannot love and be loved. and maybe thats what kills me the most. you get to move on and i cannot even find myself talking to another person without crying. i cannot listen to music without breaking down. i cant eat without feeling guilty. that i've lost myself throughtout everything and it took you a week to move on. i'd like to ask you how you did it but i fear that when i hear your voice i would lose my breathe. i have no hope for life. and i find no pleasure in it. i live day by day hoping one day i feel less sad but its been a month and a half and i still can't listen to our song. i know its not your fault but how cannot it not be? when i told you this you didnt seem to care and you chose to move on. im so tired of crying and the sleepless nights. the calling out of work. the torturing myself at the gym. the breaking down every time i go out with my friends. you're the punchline to all my jokes and the topic of conversation when it comes to gossip. you're the theme of all my spotify playlists and the inspiration behind my new hair color. youre my excuse when my parents ask me why i can't be more active in church and the reason i dont text back any guy. the reason i've started smoking again. i dont want to love you anymore. but im sorry i love you.
#short story#writing#creative writing#poetry#poetic#writer stuff#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writers and poets#writing community#heartbreak#breakup#lonelly#loneliest#tw depressing stuff#love
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pearlrose content
wanna see how ive been writing all these episodes? spoiler: it was not written with the intent to be read. but its really cute if you can get past and decipher my writes. (also im not 100% sure i like how i did this. may redo this one.) pls feedback. also @rosenotactuallyquartz i think you may like this ((im sorry abt the near daily tags))
under the cut so dashes don't get flooded
greg wakes up. gets coffee. gets breakfast. sits outside. frown.
rose floats over.
rose: good morning greg!
greg: hey rose.
rose: what's the matter? :(
greg: i was hoping you wouldn't ask.. im not doing great.
rose: why is that?
greg: i thought i'd be so happy that you're back. i thought i'd still be completely in love with you like i was before, but.. i just don't feel it anymore. im sorry.
rose, frown: that's okay, greg. we can be friends. i understand. i disappeared for 14 years- not that long to me, but that's a long time for humans. i understand if your feelings changed. especially with all my.. mistakes⊠revealed. im just glad you told me.
greg: are you sure? its okay to be upset, rose.
rose: i dont follow human relationship dynamics. im a little sad, sure, but you're still a friend. its not the end of the world.
greg: as long as you're okay.
rose: i am. don't worry about me, greg.
greg: okay.
she looks at him with a smile before flying off back home. she walks in.
tumblr note: im really unsure abt the breakup thing honestly. it feels weird especially how she just instantly goes to pearl. tell me ur thoughts yall!
stv, eatin chaps: hey mom.
rose: hi steven. wheres pearl?
stv: ooooooo-
rose chuckles: oh, stop it.
stv: i think she went to her room. she's been in there a lot recently.
rose: huh. alright, thank you steven.
stv: no problem.
rose goes into pearls room.
rose: pearl?
pearl quickly gets up: y-yes rose? sorry, i didn't know you were coming.
rose floats on over: i would like to talk to you about something.
pearl,đł: o-okay.
rose: i know how you feel about me. but im not entirely sure you understand how i feel about you.
pearl looks away: but- greg.
rose, chuckling: pearl. i talked to him just now, and he told me he doesn't feel that way towards me anymore. and from what i understand about human relationships, being with multiple people is a bit of a problem. ive always loved you, pearl. i knew either this would happen, or he'd⊠reach his time at some point. this was always going to happen, pearl. i don't need future vision for that.
pearl: i-
rose tacklehugs her to the ground and they roll around happy. pearl happycries
rose: ohh, my beloved pearl. not my pearl, but my beloved pearl. does- does that make sense?- oh my- (starts laughing)
pearl, chuckling softly: i know what you meant, rose.
rose: okay. good. le smoochie
pearl: i love you, rose. so much.
rose: i love you even more.
pearl: no, i do.
rose, chuckling: oh, pearl.
they smile at eachother.
stv: that was the cutest thing i've ever seen in my life.
pearl extremely embarrassed: STEVEN!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE-
rose: pearl, its okay. they're all allowed to know. we don't need to be a secret. besides, garnet probably knows anyway.
pearl: o-okay. but steven please don't do that again.
stv: it was so worth it. i will never forget this.
rose: alright, steven. can me and pearl talk in private again?
stv: aww mann. okay. (leaves)
rose: you don't know how badly i wanted to be with you. always. it hurt that i couldn't be there for you for those years.. trapped in his gem. i wish i could've done something, but i just couldn't. believe me, i tried.
pearl: its okay. its not your fault. you're here now, and that is enough for me. (squeeze hug cry) im sorry for crying so much i cant help it.
rose: let it out, pearl. its okay. (soft hug n comforts back, headpats and otherwise adorable shit)
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with you - (w.b.)
gif is not mine!
author's note: this is my first fic, I hope it's not too bad. this takes place right after mike and will's little fight.
paring: (s3) will byers x male reader (i'm praying this timeline is okay)
warnings: nothing really, i hope fluff won't harm you.
word count: 528 im sorry its so short
Y/n means your name :)
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"it's not my fault you don't like girls!"
that short sentence struck me harder than anything else could.
i just wanted to spend time with my friends. i just wanted to play dnd with them. but all my friends were kinda busy. busy with their girlfriends. all the time. even if they weren't with their girlfriends, they seemed like they didn't really want to do anything with me. as if my likings appeared childish to them.
take this, for example.
mike wheeler was one of my close friends. but ever since he got a girlfriend (which i have nothing against, she's a nice person), he stopped spending time with me.
but never my best friend y/n never did that to me.
y/n never turned down the offer to play dnd, and he always came to see me. y/n always saved me a seat whenever we went to the movies. when i was with him, i never felt left out. he made me feel loved and wanted.
so instead of going back to my own house, i found myself at his doorstep.
i knocked on the door.
"will, what are you doing without a coat, or an umbrella? you're soaked!" he exclaimed and grabbed my arm to take me inside.
"i wanted to see you" i told him.
"is it that bad that you forgot to wear a coat? was it bad enough that you couldn't wait until the rain stopped? what happened?" he asked me.
"mike, we got into a fight.." i repsonded
"you can tell me after you change your clothes, you're gonna get sick" gosh, he sounded like a mom. "change into what? i didn't bring extra clothes." i asked.
"you can change into my clothes, its all good." i thanked him, and went to his bedroom to get a pair of sweatpants and one of his t shirts.
i went back downstairs and sat next to y/n on the couch.
"i'm listening, you can tell me what happened"
"so basically, i kinda told mike that he was always with eleven more than he was with me. then he just said something"
"what did he say?"
"..."
"i won't judge you, will. you know that."
"i- he said it wasn't his fault that i didn't like girls.."
"oh.."
i was scared. the blood was rushing to my cheeks, and my heart was beating fast. did he know?
"so you like boys?"
"yeah.. i do.. i'm sorry y/n." tears were threatening to spill out of my eyes, i was getting ready for a harsh response.
but instead he said"sorry for what, will? there's nothing to be sorry for. because i'm not sorry"
i looked at him. was it true? or was he just playing with me? he pulled me into a hug, and whispered so faintly, that i almost couldn't hear it.
"i love you will."
"i love you too, y/n"
we both were crying. crying with joy, and crying just with the thoughts of what could have happened if other people found out.
"you make me feel safe. i always know i'm safe when i'm with you." i whispered to him.
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and that folks, is the end of my first written fic.
tbh i always had this in my head and i just couldnt get it out until i wrote it. anyways love y'all !
#x male reader#stranger things#will byers#will byers x male!reader#will byers x reader#stranger things x male reader#stranger things x reader#will byers x you#will byers x y/n#will byers imagine#will byers oneshot#will byers fluff#will byers angst#will byers fanfiction#will byers ff#will byers fanfic#stranger things fic#stranger things 4#st4#stranger things imagine#stranger things fanfic#mike wheeler#stranger things season 4#will byers x you imagine
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Chapter 20
oh what happened to her parents and cookie? when did the fire happen? it says years but years could 2 to 20 but she feels like someone who wont say 2 years sooo ancient, uk? so im going to guess 5+ years ago to 19 years max wait how old is our baby?
And who is that shadow sitting in the dark? WHOS THAT SHADOW HOLDING ME HOSTAGE IVE BEEN HERE FOR DAYS (stockholm syndrome by 1d)
omg we could have died and become a vampire and yoongi as our sire woah WOW idk if thats hot daddy or literal dad SHIT FREUD WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS
THERE ARE MORE VAMPIRES IN THOSE TUNNELS/FOREST AREA??
why does yoongi care? is it the caring of an old person who lived life and wants better life for the young ones or some motive? i dont get it
yay 2seok đwe are hurt again đ honestly how do they put up with her? (no hate to her), like where is the mom mode? the i told you so? like why are you such caring besties? also why am i feeling like oc is a character themself and me at the same time??? like i dont want her to be scolded, heck she didnt know shit but i wanna be scolded???
âThey didnât, she is just being dramatic. I fed her my blood before she could die, sheâll healâ, Yoongi answers him dryly. wow so normal, and good news
also rip dogecoin dog
jin i doubt you wanna call him a vermin
I am tired of vampires messing with my brain.â mood
oh somebody crying on ur chest and u cant do anything other than tell them "they are strong and was just a child, was never their fault" you know it does nothing much for them, but some comfort for the night, a little amount of time until the pain and demons are back again, that shit hurts a lot, eat me away but i have to strong and fine for her cuz she deserves it fuck im rambling bye lol
Hoseok was nice enough to carry a TV up to your room and install it on your dresser. he is the man yall đđđ
I donât want to be the one doing the finishing blow.â .. âHow are you so sure?â CUZ U DID THIS TO URSELF INSTEAD OF HURTING HER KOOK, U STILL HATE URSELF, filled with guilt and self loath, it shows ur humanity and the fact that its better you than anyone else heal please, let yourself heal. you did whatever you could, everything is not in your control and hence is not your fault
did jin put hard raisins in the cookies??? i soak them, that way they are chewy in the soft cookies
I feel like a bitch, but fuck itâs getting so exhausting to pretend that their sweet gestures are working.â ... âBecause I donât want to hurt them. They are doing so much for meâ.. "I donât want to hurt them by telling them that what they are doing is working shit.â wow somebody really decided to call me out
âShit ___, I thought he liked you. Why would he do that to you?â fr, that too he tried to protect with the ring and stuff, what did they do to him?
YES SHE CONNECTED THE DOTS MY SMART BABY I LOVE U I smelled orange blossoms and cedarwood ooh thats what they smell like
Why k-kill me for it? W-what, what did do to them?"Â changed taehyung and they hated it i guess
If I hadnât angered them so much or provoked them so much maybe they wouldnât have hurt me."Â NO U DIDNT BABY, ITS ALL THEIR FAULT
Jungkook watches you as you blow your nose and wipe your eyes ... you force down a new wave of sobs... you hit your own chest to get rid of the pain. fuck that pain, that hurts a lot
He knows that gesture, he had done it a million times before in his lonely, isolated life. And it rips him apart to see you having to do it too. You should never have had to feel so broken. fuck i feel the same, knowing how much that hurts and never want them to feel, but kook and her are hurt and nothing can change it
its funny that you never feel the same for yourself, you felt that for somebody, now change that somebody to yourself whats so hard about it? too hard
âDid you just use my words against me?â stop he is cute im giggling through runny nose
âYouâre cute Kookâ, you tell him fondly, pinching his cheek. He lowers his eyes and scrunches his nose up UWUW THEY ARE SO CUTE SHUT UP PLS
YOONGI IS GOING TO TEACH THEM??? FUCK YES
â___ stay away, Iâm dangerous againâ, he squeaks. u were fine just now
right, we cant change his mind, and she cant change her mind either and taehyung just idk ah
You just never should have chatted up Alpha."Â true, but im sure joon would get to us somehow and that means tae and jimin too. maybe it will take longer thats all
âYouâre finally done withering away?â he asks coldly. how nice
Hoseok scratches the back of his neck, âyeah uhm, thatâs fine too.â pls hes trying his best
âsure, I can smell the honesty in your sweat.â Hoseok smells himself, furrowing his brows. hobi baby really believed for a second there lol
I got broken up by my boyfriend in the rudest way possible and almost died. fr
âHeyâ, Jungkook says, waving his hand shyly. HE IS UP AGAIN YAY
âI have my methods, trust me.â ok min suga genius jjang jjang man boong boong
âNothing, I just canât stand you.â i just know jimin would have said, then sit down
âW-what?â he stutters, looking at Yoongi with big eyes. EXACLTY LOOK AT LIL BABY, U CANT BE RUDE
âletâs go eat Kook, Iâll show you how to hunt animals.â âReally? You can do that?â Jungkook gasps, seeming excited. YES AND IT BEGINS YALL YEEHAW
âI canât decide if I like this dude or notâ fr hobi
âWhat did you do in your room yesterday?â she danced to itzy, thats all
âI didnât slip on the pillow, I tried to kick the pillow and slipped on the carpet which resulted in my twisting my ankle and then falling on my tailboneâ beautiful, i can totally see it. cuz i did fall similarly once
âEven better, shit I would have loved to see thatâ, he wheezes. tag urself, im hobi
Jungkook drags himself into the room, plotting down next to you with a loud yawn that exposes the back of his throat to all of you. wow that too in those pink briefs and socks THAT ARE PULLED UP ALL THE WAY worse than what we wear when delivery guy comes
was he that sleepy he didnt smell her? mood cuz thats the type of vampire i would be, sleeping for hours
âHey ___â, he says, laughing awkwardly. MOM HES SO CUTE FUCK
âYeah, ha. Hahahaâ, he scratches the back of his neck. He is so flustered, you know he is. 100% i just know his neck would be all red
He seems to be proud, watching Jungkook with a fond smile. So he did it on purpose. Make him chuckle with a funny story and lessen the anxiety he feels. He is so sweet sometimes. irl its jin the ice breaker and its soo good uknow??
âStop talking to him like that!â you speak up. PERIODT UR SCARING THE BABY
âYou will not go to your apartment on your ownâ fr thanks yoongi what joon or jimin is waiting right there???
âItâs decided thenâ, you say and drag him with you by the collar of his leather jacket, âcome now.â AAH TOO HOT FUCK THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS THING
Protection. You think Iâll let you drive without it?â
It squishes your cheeks and hurts your nose as he pulls it down, making you groan. âJesus, you want to strangle me?â âSometimes yeahâ I LOVE THEM
Thatâs the problem with Yoongi. You never know if he was joking or being serious. ngl taehyung did that too, in the previous chapters
âMy plants, I need to take care of themâ, they are prolly dead đ
âAaaah thatâ, you smirk. âPrincess seriously, invite me inside.â FUCK SHE IS REALLY TEASING AND TESTING HIS NON-EXISTING PATIENCE thats both hot and funny as fuck, sorry yoongles đđ
âI donât like the fucking games you are playing today, you hear me?â âYoongi pull your knee away this instantâ He pulls away immediately and steps back, fixing the heavy rings on his fingers. what a rude but cute distinguished gentleman
oof what a bad boi âYou are such a freaking dick, no wonder you have no friendsâ shots fired oof
WOW HOLY SHIT JIMIN WAS WAITING THERE LIKE A JOBLESS IDIOT
If he would have been the one to find youâŠ.â he trails off, blinking rapidly. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? WHO?? NAMJOON YOU MEAN??
âyou are literally such a good person and I fucking hate it.âyup figured that âYou made him good. Taehyung, you gave him back his humanity, made him vulnerable, reminded him what happiness feels like and I hate you for doing this to him.â there, asshole said it
I just hate that you are the reason Taehyung hurts.â but its you tho, use 2 braincells for that
ââŠ.did you get it?â his voice slowly comes back again, as if you were finally submerging from water, âSave. Him.â bruh, leave his alone for that
OH YOONGI FUCK WHERE WERE YOU, no actually its good u stayed inside, we got some info
damn this was long anyways feelings were feelings, emotional as fuck now
oh what happened to her parents and cookie? when did the fire happen? it says years but years could 2 to 20 but she feels like someone who wont say 2 years sooo ancient, uk? so im going to guess 5+ years ago to 19 years max wait how old is our baby?
in Sanguis Alpha she is around 23-24 and the thing with Cookie happened when she was around 10 đ
omg we could have died and become a vampire and yoongi as our sire woah WOW idk if thats hot daddy or literal dad SHIT FREUD WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS
that would actually be so hot nfdnasf đ„”
THERE ARE MORE VAMPIRES IN THOSE TUNNELS/FOREST AREA??
SCARY SHIT LIKE HELLOO
why does yoongi care? is it the caring of an old person who lived life and wants better life for the young ones or some motive? i dont get it
gaah these are the right questions indeed đ
also rip dogecoin dog
THE DOG DIED??? why would you just drop that so casually noo omfg I'm genuinely so sad right now đđ
jin i doubt you wanna call him a vermin
JFAJDSF he gives no fucks and I admire him for that <3
oh somebody crying on ur chest and u cant do anything other than tell them "they are strong and was just a child, was never their fault" you know it does nothing much for them, but some comfort for the night, a little amount of time until the pain and demons are back again, that shit hurts a lot, eat me away but i have to strong and fine for her cuz she deserves it fuck im rambling bye lol
no but I love that she has Hobi to comfort her :( he is such a good person and amazing friend đ
Hoseok was nice enough to carry a TV up to your room and install it on your dresser. he is the man yall đđđ
him him him him him !!!!!!!
I donât want to be the one doing the finishing blow.â .. âHow are you so sure?â CUZ U DID THIS TO URSELF INSTEAD OF HURTING HER KOOK, U STILL HATE URSELF, filled with guilt and self loath, it shows ur humanity and the fact that its better you than anyone else heal please, let yourself heal. you did whatever you could, everything is not in your control and hence is not your fault
I SOB BECUASE OF HIM HE IS SO đđđđ
did jin put hard raisins in the cookies??? i soak them, that way they are chewy in the soft cookies
jfjadjf I feel like no matter he would have prepared him, Kookie would have hated them fnadsnf
I feel like a bitch, but fuck itâs getting so exhausting to pretend that their sweet gestures are working.â ... âBecause I donât want to hurt them. They are doing so much for meâ.. "I donât want to hurt them by telling them that what they are doing is working shit.â wow somebody really decided to call me out
I feel that, I'm sorry you have to feel this way :(
âShit ___, I thought he liked you. Why would he do that to you?â fr, that too he tried to protect with the ring and stuff, what did they do to him?
LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT?????
Why k-kill me for it? W-what, what did do to them?"Â changed taehyung and they hated it i guess
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
If I hadnât angered them so much or provoked them so much maybe they wouldnât have hurt me."Â NO U DIDNT BABY, ITS ALL THEIR FAULT
PLEASE SOMEONE HOLD HER
He knows that gesture, he had done it a million times before in his lonely, isolated life. And it rips him apart to see you having to do it too. You should never have had to feel so broken. fuck i feel the same, knowing how much that hurts and never want them to feel, but kook and her are hurt and nothing can change it
I feel so sad for them please đđđđ
its funny that you never feel the same for yourself, you felt that for somebody, now change that somebody to yourself whats so hard about it? too hard
YES 100% that's me for real
âDid you just use my words against me?â stop he is cute im giggling through runny nose
hoihihiihihih <3 him <3
YOONGI IS GOING TO TEACH THEM??? FUCK YES
I LOVE THIS ENERGY FNNF
You just never should have chatted up Alpha."Â true, but im sure joon would get to us somehow and that means tae and jimin too. maybe it will take longer thats all
yes 100% it would have happened regardless, especially because Tae clearly had an interest in her (in whatever way) from the beginning, so it would have definitely happened
âYouâre finally done withering away?â he asks coldly. how nice
he is so kind and sweet and loving <33 :)
Hoseok scratches the back of his neck, âyeah uhm, thatâs fine too.â pls hes trying his best
he is just a lil pookie :( <3
âsure, I can smell the honesty in your sweat.â Hoseok smells himself, furrowing his brows. hobi baby really believed for a second there lol
âI have my methods, trust me.â ok min suga genius jjang jjang man boong boong
he would probably throw you if you said that to him at this point of the story fjasdjf
âNothing, I just canât stand you.â i just know jimin would have said, then sit down
lmaooao I meaaan
âW-what?â he stutters, looking at Yoongi with big eyes. EXACLTY LOOK AT LIL BABY, U CANT BE RUDE
HE JUST A LIDDOL BABY (he is meant to be a dangerous killer)
âletâs go eat Kook, Iâll show you how to hunt animals.â âReally? You can do that?â Jungkook gasps, seeming excited. YES AND IT BEGINS YALL YEEHAW
LETS GOOOO
âEven better, shit I would have loved to see thatâ, he wheezes. tag urself, im hobi
lmaooaoa me for real
Jungkook drags himself into the room, plotting down next to you with a loud yawn that exposes the back of his throat to all of you. wow that too in those pink briefs and socks THAT ARE PULLED UP ALL THE WAY worse than what we wear when delivery guy comes
NO BUT HE IS SO CUTE LIKE I NEED HIM
was he that sleepy he didnt smell her? mood cuz thats the type of vampire i would be, sleeping for hours
thiiss or maybe Yoongi's training is starting to work ohohooh
âHey ___â, he says, laughing awkwardly. MOM HES SO CUTE FUCK
I love him :')
âYeah, ha. Hahahaâ, he scratches the back of his neck. He is so flustered, you know he is. 100% i just know his neck would be all red
yes gaaah I jujst ufcking locve him
He seems to be proud, watching Jungkook with a fond smile. So he did it on purpose. Make him chuckle with a funny story and lessen the anxiety he feels. He is so sweet sometimes. irl its jin the ice breaker and its soo good uknow??
yes gosh I miss him </3
âYou will not go to your apartment on your ownâ fr thanks yoongi what joon or jimin is waiting right there???
I love protective Yoongi fnfnf
âItâs decided thenâ, you say and drag him with you by the collar of his leather jacket, âcome now.â AAH TOO HOT FUCK THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS THING
GIRL I FORGOT I WROTE THIS AND LOST MY FUCKING MIND UFKCKCKCKCKKCKC
the meme is me for sanguis Yoongi for fucking real
It squishes your cheeks and hurts your nose as he pulls it down, making you groan. âJesus, you want to strangle me?â âSometimes yeahâ I LOVE THEM
ngnnfadnfn THEM THEM THEM fuck they were so exiciting
Thatâs the problem with Yoongi. You never know if he was joking or being serious. ngl taehyung did that too, in the previous chapters
an i oop-
âMy plants, I need to take care of themâ, they are prolly dead đ
honestly? 100%
âAaaah thatâ, you smirk. âPrincess seriously, invite me inside.â FUCK SHE IS REALLY TEASING AND TESTING HIS NON-EXISTING PATIENCE thats both hot and funny as fuck, sorry yoongles đđ
FUKCCKKC I LOVE THEM FUCKKC I WANT THEM TO HATE FUC-
âI donât like the fucking games you are playing today, you hear me?â âYoongi pull your knee away this instantâ He pulls away immediately and steps back, fixing the heavy rings on his fingers. what a rude but cute distinguished gentleman
he is all like "i may be a cunt but i ain't about that sexual harassment" JAHHAHA
oof what a bad boi âYou are such a freaking dick, no wonder you have no friendsâ shots fired oof
THEY WERE SO MEAN TO EACH OTHER GAAH
WOW HOLY SHIT JIMIN WAS WAITING THERE LIKE A JOBLESS IDIOT
fajdsjfajds
If he would have been the one to find youâŠ.â he trails off, blinking rapidly. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? WHO?? NAMJOON YOU MEAN??
whooo does he mean helloo??
I just hate that you are the reason Taehyung hurts.â but its you tho, use 2 braincells for that
no but what if he isn't lying then waht?? hellooo???
OH YOONGI FUCK WHERE WERE YOU, no actually its good u stayed inside, we got some info
HAHAHAH you're like "good thing we almost died"
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why is it so bad for me to like.. not.. like bullying just because the world is cruel?
my mom sees me as a smartass. i dont understand why. all i did was 'argue' against her (add my opinion in opposition to hers).
like, my brother says how he called a girl a dumpling hair or whatever? AND MY MOM ENCOURAGED IT.
so i obvi told her, "this is bullying." her argument was basically "thats the world. the world is cruel." and i told her "you must be the change you see in the world, you shouldn't just endure whatever because 'that's just the way the world works'." and shes like "ohoho, i'm enduring, alright." and "when you were getting bullied, you say anything? no. you didnt. you endured it." and.. oh my god, am i tired.
just because i endured it doesnt mean thats what youre meant to do. (i told her this, and she was just like "yeah yeah okay")
the reason i endured it is BECAUSE i would get bullied more. raise a child who wouldn't bully worse if 'tattle-taled' on. hell-- raise a child who doesn't bully at all! does she not see the fault in her ways? why must she encourage this behavior?
when i was getting bullied, i remember my mom saying how she'll suspend the bullies or whatever.
she didnt. i told her not to.
wanna know why i did that? because the bullying would only get worse.
(sorry, this part is repetitive. im keeping it because i dont want to change stuff and possibly leave out something.)
i think my mom is a yesman.
i cant win against her. i get that "oh youre not supposed to win an argument, merely come to a mutual understanding" but oh my god. i just want her to see my point of view. shes such a brick wall. im so tired. whenever i have a good point, she is just sarcastic and yet she tells me to stop being sarcastic?
althouh i am aware its not literally genetic -- you are a mosaic of everybody you once knew (stole that from pinterest), and i don't think she realizes how much of her glass reflects.
i'm more like her than she realizes and i'm so scared of that.
anyways -- only when i'm done crying does she say "oh, [brother's (the bully) name], don't call people's hair a dumpling!" and.. the way she had to be confronted to say that is so wrong..
im so tired. i dont want to endure the world anymore. i dont want to change the world by being kind anymore. sure, i did once, but what's even the use when people like this exist?
"oh, but Mercy, she's your mother!" does.. that matter? this isnt even trauma this is anger. im typing this out of rage and frustration and i've honestly bitten my nails off already so what else can i do? i know nobodys going to see this. nothing even matters anymore.
honestly, if this is the way the world works then i want no part of it. i might just leave.
(no, i'm not being dramatic and i'm not planning on 'leaving' (a euphemism) BECAUSE of this.. conversation.. (can't call it an argument because.. i 'should never argue with my mom because she's my mother'. (also, i'm not saying you should ALWAYS argue with your mom over everything, only when there is wrong or it's for the better) (please excuse this take and how foul it sounds and all the loopholes im so sad about being misunderstood)) alone but this is always her. if im not agreeing with her, i'm always the one wrong. i have learned i will never be a good person. not just in these interactions-- in everything! in school, in relationships, hell, what can't i do wrong? anyways, that's why i want to 'leave'.)
and i am showing mercy. she makes this snarky remark about how "ohoho, you go by Mercy online, right? have mercy!! you hypocrite.". she doesnt understand the meaning behind my words. at all. she takes everything face-value. she either acts stupid (NOT CALLING HER STUPID. IM SAYING SHE IS FEIGNING IGNORANCE AND UNKNOWING.) or she genuinely does not understand one thing. (AGAIN NOT CALLING HER STUPID. IM SAYING SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE MEANING AT HAND OFTEN.) (you might be asking; oh, mercy, but why don't you just say the parenthesis instead of these offensive words? and i answer: because these offensive words are the way i can best explain my feelings without making it wordy.)
i'm sorry if i come off as condescending for the clarification. i'm scared of being misunderstood. sorry for everything. please forgive me.
#tw cursing#tw mom mention#tw nail biting#tw sui ideation#actually autistic#i cry due to frustration#tw anger issues?#im dramatic.#i might be dramatic.#tw vent
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tbh zygarde seems way more likely than houndour
HOW. HOW IS ZYGARDE MORE LIKELY? HOW IS A LEGENDARY POKEMON WITH NO PROOF OF EXISTENCE IN MY WORLD MAKE MORE FUCKING SENSE THAN A POKEMON THAT IS CONFIRMED TO LIVE ON THAT ROUTE THAT I RECOGNIZED??
you werent fucking there dont pretend you know what happened more than me because you werent. fucking. there. you arent in my world you arent in my life you dont fucking know what happened. you didnt lose an eye you didnt get permanent nerve damage in your fucking hand you didnt end up covered with scars across your entire body. you didnt feel the cold unfeeling hospital you didnt feel alone because your mom stayed behind in a region that was not her own to make sure you werent alone but you had to be alone because you couldnt be with her. you didnt have to force yourself not to be afraid of your own service pokemon. you didnt have to force yourself to come to terms with the fact your starter might evolve and you might be afraid of her too.
i know they were houndour and houndoom. i know they were hounds i know they were. i spent almost every moment of my fucking life with that same species. my moms houndoom was one of the pokemon that practically raised me. my entire family is nothing but hounds and teeth and you want to tell me i cant recognize a fucking houndoom. that my trauma has picked the wrong dog. i fucking wish it wasnt houndoom i fucking wish it wasnt that pokemon. do you know how fucking badly i wish i could look at my own mother without fearing she'd rip me apart like the pack of houndour too? do you fucking know how much it hurts to be afraid of your own mom when its not even her fucking fault? do you know how fucking hard it is to be afraid of my aunt and uncle and grandma and everyone else who has only ever loved and cared for me?
my entire childhood was spent petting houndour and houndoom. knowing them as safe. knowing them as family. it so scary to see what meant safe become what means danger. its so scary to be isolated from so much of my family because just looking at them makes me feel the teeth and the flames and the way my throat hurt from screaming from help when it was just me and the fucking dogs. no one helped me no one was there to help me no one was close enough to help me for THREE FUCKING DAYS.
IT WASNT FUCKING ZYGARDE IT WAS HOUNDOUR I KNOW IT WAS HOUNDOUR STOP PRETENDING YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS. YOU DIDNT HAVE TO FEEL THEIR TEETH AND THEIR FUR AND THEIR FLAMES AND THEIR CLAWS AND THEIR TEETH AND THEIR BREATH YOU DIDNT HAVE TO BE CHOKED OUT BY THE SMOKE, UNABLE TO SMELL ANYTHING BUT DOG AND FLAME AND BLOOD.
i could have died. i should have died and i didnt and all that happened was im afraid of my own family. i should have gotten my own houndour by now. it should be a houndoom by now. but i didnt fucking get one because i cant even know one might be nearby without being unable to breathe. i cant even look at canine pokemon without crying or my chest feeling tight. somtimes i can force myself through but never for houndoom. never for fucking houndour or houndoom. ill just feel their teeth again, pulling away, leaving me with nothing left.
maybe if i was a zygarde id be happy i got attacked. happy that i could prove that a legendary pokemon was real but its not real. its not fucking real. what is real is the pokemon that nearly killed me that you claim you know more about
so no. zygarde is not more fucking likely. you know whats more likely? that you're a pathetic piece of fucking shit who probably lives in their mothers basement because they're too fucking stupid to make it through high school or keep a job. whats more likely is that you have no friends in real life because no one can stand how fucking annoying and stupid you, so you have to surround yourself with fellow idiots online who have the critical thinking skills of a walnut. whats more likely is that
Bzzzrt! Everything above this is typed by Maple! He deleted this all and shut off his phone before actually replying but I put it back for you because you deserve to be called a dumb fuck like the idiot you are <3 -Love, .Zip, ZZT
#maple moment#.zip#bites#pkmn irl#pokeblogging#rotomblr#panick attack tw#injury tw#//ask to tag for this because i feel like it needs something else but i literally cannot think of anything else
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