#my mom found it in THE TRASH!!!!!!!!
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Every goddamn day I look at this on my shelf and cannot believe it’s mine
#my mom found it in THE TRASH!!!!!!!!#someone’s grandma died and they just tossed her books#my mom saw them by the curb and went through them and got some gems#this was the crown though#Virginia Woolf’s Orlando my beloved <3#one of the most books of all time
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Just a few little doodles of gussiri and their cat(s) (i think it's funny af LMAO)
#at first they had one cat and now they have. many cat#their first cat is named iona and they got her out of the trash (gustav found her in the forest and took her home and got very much injured#while doing so bc the cat does not like him)#the cat only likes his new mom (and new mom siri loves her cat child very much too)#it's abt a few years after niv gets lost at sea too and in the same period as when they have trouble having kids#so for siri having a cat was really good therapy#and then iona had kittens and so now gussiri are cat grandparents#the kittens have both ridiculous names and adorable names cuz gussiri are terrible at coming to conclusions on names#see for example. niv#at some point they do have to give the kittens to other homes cuz they can't take care of five cats (it breaks siri's heart a little she ge#s very dramatic abt it)#and they'd just hand them out to anyone they think needs a kitten#i love them very much#if anyone's got any questions abt this plotpoint for them!!! don't be shy drop them in the comments/reblogs i love to answer all questions#abt my silly stupid children#anyways#httyd#how to train your dragon#artinandwritin's art#httyd oc#oc#siri vínteri#gussiri#gustav larson#oc x canon#iona
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whatever shall i do with the rest of my day today
#No car no money no school mfs when they dont have work#actualy i have money but i hate spending it#I have been productive so far i cleaned a lot in my room#and got this old futon that i dont use out and put it on the porch#but then my mom got mad bc its on the porch#and shes also mad bc wecant find the duct tape to put it in this big plastic bag so the trash guy will take it#and its my fault we cant find the duct tape bc i used it last and have No fucking idea where i put it#But its okay#My room looks nicer#i want to remove this metal frame on the bottom bunk of my bunk bed#that was where the futon was#so i can put my desk there.. my room would be sm less cramped#but i need an allen wrench to unscrew the thingy#and i have ONE i found under th ebed when iwas cleaning but its slightly too big#OH i need to do my duolingo#i want to draw really bad too ive been itching to draw for like. weeks#but i cant get myself to do it im like scared#i kind of wanna play oblivion too#Or bee swarm simulator. The world is my oyster my schedule is free.
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This poor baby got separated from its mom and is hiding in my backyard for the rest of the day lol 😭💕
#it was so strange early this afternoon I heard SCREAMING from an animal#then saw this little guy go run and hide behind the plywood even though my fence is broken and it could’ve snuck underneath#the wildlife care center didn’t answer my call the first time which was scary because we didn’t know if it was sick or hurt#but they answered the second time and we found out it’s very likely that since this raccoon is a baby it just went out exploring as they do#and probably got lost and separated from its family 😭#poor little guy :( but hopefully its mom comes otherwise I gotta call again in the morning#raccoons#trash pandas
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... My parents really for real are leaving the uncleaned, rotten potato juice and other misc unknown juice infested, LITERALLY FRUIT FLY LARVAE INFESTED, cupboards, in the bathroom,
For like the 4th day starting today if I am counting right
Sure just don't let me shower sure just let me get paranoid over the larvae sure make me not trust the bathtub for like a week sure let the place get more infested sure let it stink up the whole place SURE LEAVE THE FUCKING BATHROOM UNUSABLE
#I was the one who found the cupboard btw#They fr left shit there for months#Never checked it#Bc I don't cook or stay in the kitchen a long time unless I'm actively seeking Being Alone and Not Food#I never checked#Whole place infested with fruit flies#Thousands so many#'haha guess it's summer gotta be the trash' mom says#Then I try finding the source myself on an already extremely low appetite#....... Yea let's just say I just had to comfort food it out again after my discovery. So bad.#I know they've had work but. Uhm. Today home all day. Are they seriously not gonna clean it unless I say#I'M NOT DOING IT I'LL THROW UP + IDK HOW TO DO IT DO I LOOK LIKE I'VE BEEN TAUGHT#TO CLEAN ANYTHING#We don't even have basic cleaning supplies.#They always leave gross buckets of gross?? UNKNOWN LIQUIDS#In there for DAYS#And I CANT TAKE A BATH JNLESS I ASK SOMEONE#FOR#DAYS#LEAST HYGIENIC FUCKING HOUSE JESUS CHRIST I GET TOLD MY ROOM IS GROSS AND DIRTY#BUT ITS THE CLEANEST PLACE IN THE HOUSEEEEEE#Would be better if WE DIDNT LOSE THE WHOLE VACUUM SOMEHOW#Where IS IT.#I can't with this house#Vent#Sorry I'm talking abt this situation a lot (@my friends)#Like Uhm I wanna shower. I haven't since my Transgender Werewolf Period began#No since BEFORE IT. I'm DISGUSTING. PLEASE. GET THE LARVAE INFESTED THING OUT OF HERE#AAHHHHHHHH#I'M WRITING THIS BC KM AVOIDING BRUSHING MY TEETH NEAR THIS THING.
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so fucking annoying bc everyone here is just as mentally ill as me but doesnt want to admit it so its like ill finally manage to solve the puzzle in my brain that lets me get rid of some shit in my room and it doesnt even matter bc it just magically ends up in a box in some other part of the house
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Love how my dad returning home from hospital turned from a good day to just another one of THOSE days.
#very normal in my flat can confirm that#mom picking on anything she can to start shit with me#and then revealing nan when visiting dad as well yesterday at hospital#somehow found time to bitch about me#so uh someone can tell her im not visiting her next visit#she can piss off there#cause im so fucking done with being trashed#rather be somewhere where im not feeling like im walking on egg shells and shit#like funny as shit i didnt ask if nan trashed me or not#since i was afraid of starting an argument#but no turns out i was right to think that#just like fucking last time
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#when I start trying to prepare to move—it feels like the coldness of the bare floors creeps up into my blood and chest and heart and throat.#I stare at a single object and wonder if I’ll miss it or not.#I make a pile to donate. a pile to keep. a pile I might donate if I decide I won’t miss it too painfully. a pile I’ll miss but I don’t wsnt#to keep- I want to give away to someone who will love it like I did. a pile to ask my mom if she wants it for sentiment. a pile for#things that are trash but have salvageable components I can remove before throwing away. a pile of salvaged components that haven’t found a#use yet. a pile of things that are trash unless I find a way to fix them. a pile for a single item- a feather from my childhood pet bird#a pile of my old cat’s favorite planet and toy. a pile for gifts I was given that I never used but still treasure as they sit on a shelf.#a pile of fun rocks#a pile of paper clips that started as just office supplies but now they’re 15 years old and they remind me of warm summer childhood day#scraps of string and tiny empty boxes and wires to unknown electronics and acrylic paint that is too dry to donate but I could still use it#because I think it’s fun to do the work to re-pulverize it and turn it into pigmented paste again#a comb missing half its teeth but I can’t remember if it was a gift or not so I keep it just in case#a tiny pillow. is it even mine? it isn’t trash but a thrift store would probably just throw it away. but it isn’t trash so I keep it#a box of assorted nuts and screws and a tiny little jar that I know I’ll find the perfect use for one dayS#a little bag like the kind you get when you buy a bag of polished rocks. inside it are delicately folded soda pop bottle labels from#a birthday long long ago.#a small box of sequins I’ve had as long as I can remember. maybe I’ll make something with them so I can justify keeping them.#old clothes I loved that are too tattered to donate but might fit me again one day or make good fabric for something else#a single old sock but it’s elastic is still good and I should use the elastic for something because I’m always wishing I had some to spare#tickets to a state fair. booklet for a play i saw. graduation photo. a polite birthday card from a childhood nemesis.#it’s so hard to get rid of those things. it feels like throwing away my childhood. and I had a rough childhood! I don’t wanna throw away the#GOOD parts of it. I need those parts. I guess they’ll still be there even without the objects. but…#I can’t remember the Memories without the Objects. they are my memories.#maybe I should just start by filling boxes with Memory Objects. and once I’ve got them all together. I can see if I can part ways with any.#and if I can’t—well#at least they’ll be packed up.#I wish my medicine wasn’t a political debate… oh well. it’s always been hard to get meds. though I’ve never considered moving over it#I wonder if my surgeon will have time to for our consult before. my doctor tried to assure me that my PCOS would justify the surgery but I#I read the bill and it says No Removal Of Healthy Organs Associated With Your Sex Unless You Are In Danger Of Imminent Death#And I’m not dying from PCOS… I’m just like… Chronically ill from the chronic blood loss and overworked pain neurons and sometimes miss
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alright let's talk about this
scars in fiction: I got this trying to save my lover from an assassin- but tragically, I was too late. now I carry the mark of my failure with me always, and I can never forget~
scars in real life: so I was trying to open macaroni sauce with a paring knife
#I accidentally cut my calf open while playing tag when I was 6 or 7 yo#It was cut open by an iron barrel that was cut down vertically in half and laid down in the garden#we used it as a trash can#this happened at my grandma's house lmao#So I ran pass the barrel#stupidly enough and so I cut my calf lol#MY FAMILY WAS PRAYING INSIDE THE HOUSE WHEN THIS HAPPENED#When they hear me crying they stopped and my mom ran to the garden and they found me standing with my calf bleeding out :3#They rushed me to the nearest pharmacy and a doctor treated my wound there#It left a scar lmaoaooao 🌷
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RLY EXCITING STUFF i got to be on parttime tooth fairy duty for the first time ^_^
#the tooth fairy missed little mans tooth yesterday and the same thing happened last time so he was quite upset#so i covered really quickly and said that our old tooth fairy (her name was willow) had taken on an apprentice but she wasnt quite used#to the job yet. and then i helped my mom pick out ribbons and stuff 4 the note#a d im super excited to see his reaction :] bc i used to be so happy whenever we got notes from the tooth fairy#when i was little i would write notes like interrogating her sbt what it was like being a toothfairy#and lamp wasnt good at writing so i had to write all their notes as well#and ya. so im just happy that i get 2 do that 4 him#i actually DID THE DROP and then found out that the teeth just get thrown in the trash. HEARTBREAKING#my mom said 'everyone ive spoken to whose parents kept them said they were weirded out' but i wouldve een sooo ecstatic. i could make like a#tooth necklace or something itd be sick... so im keeping them for my kids and itll just depend on if they grow up normal or not i guess.#BUT YA. it was just rly funny and i also literally had a moment of realization after i asked my mom what to do with the tooth#where i was like I just wasnt sure its my first time being the tooth fairy so theres a lot to learn . and rhen i literally gasped and went#oh my god im the apprentice tooth fairy .#we named her ivy bc mine nd lamps toothfairy was named willow so we wanted another tree name#so we figured ivy would work well bc itll be easy for him to sound out and spell if he wants to write a note to her next time he loses a#tooth#im just excited. and hes finally back on a sleep schedule which is huge my parents dont rly enforce anything#but me and lamp worked a bit on getting him back on a schedule sonce school is back on#and he like pretty voluntarily went to bed at around 930#:] so im happy abt that.
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my mom keeps losing her own stuff - blames me like yelling screaming saying she can’t believe i did this and then finds it in ten minutes or less.
#personal#i pointed this item out before she ‘found’ it :)#and it’s like oh it’s right here nevermind#does not fix the screaming fit you just had over the five dollars i just lost you#and like this keeps happening#and she’s NEVER been right!#i didn’t send out her camera she just misplaced it!#i didn’t take the small trash bags!!!#i didn’t take her hair dye!!!!!#and i didn’t leave the yogurt today!!!!!!#i got in a screaming match with her and then had to be like#okay hoping your back gets hurt bc i will no longer help you move furniture was too much#but this is still your fault you’re a hoarder and don’t care about drunk driving#i had two mimosas and usually my mom has a panic attack#if my brother and i mention going out for the night and getting a beer or two#over the course of several hours#like she’ll have whole fits#but when she thought i left the yogurt at the store she wanted me to go rn#and i’m just buzzed but it’s like just admit you don’t care!!!!!#but god it’s genuinely fucking with my perception of things#like did i send that camera? did i steal her dye? did i forget the yogurt?????#does NOT feel great!!!!#and all she can come back to me with is you’re not my mother can you act like a mother at all!!!!! can you figure this out!!!!#like she can admit yesterday she’s done way more for the boys#granted it’s less for me bc of limitations#and it’s like you know you gave me less than them you can’t even try to even it out emotionally they get more too#jesus fucking christ
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fuck my stupid baka life
#my mom is moving my computer to 'somewhere she can see it' bc she found food trash in my room#romeo.txt
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Also I'm just gonna say that being in the head of that person... especially when it's something more like depression, insomnia, social anxiety, stuff like that... I can't even tell you if it's can't or won't with me
I own my own house and I pay for it by basically managing money in the family and by helping get rid of stuff that costs money
Got rid of my mom's multiple huge storage units, about $500. Got rid of my mom's trailer, which was at least $700 in lot rent, but my grandma would tell my mom regularly she was giving like $2000 a month (see, my grandma is very solidly uppermiddle class and... my mom kinda... pissed that all away so... there's always been insulation against being evicted, but... I don't know)
There was my apartment I had because... if you've seen pictures of my mom's trailer you'll get why I couldn't live there, but that was like $1,200 a month by the time I moved out. The I paid off my mom's $10k car loan with last of my money I scrounged, that got rid of $400 a month
...but I don't work and it makes me feel like a bum. I've had a couple jobs volunteering places for periods of time (insomnia is usually what killed that), and... actually often forget I was a licensed pharmacy tech for a while except I realized I hated retail pharmacy during clinicals so I never got paid
I have some ideas about making hypoallergenic soap, or about trying to find a way to make money with my carving or woodburning, but... can I be honest... I hate asking for money for things I make
(Actually have a commission, very large commission, about 4'x2'; and it's been done for a while and the client and I just have both been busy and so I haven't gotten it out, but... point is... I liked doing it, I learned a lot... really want them to have it, I'm gonna get it to them and then tell them to pay what they want... I hate, like really hate asking for money for my work)
So... you say there's a difference between can't and won't... am I can't or won't? Like I'm asking, I can't tell you... I... I assume I'm can't honestly. No physical disabilities in my way
And I'm literally saying that I never plan to work a job or to learn how to drive cause I hate they system and I hate driving... hell... had to let both my parents move in with me cause it was too much to let them roam free blowing through money and... like I said... I get by managing money and cutting back on fluff expenses so it can go to bills and food
I have trouble getting myself to work on stuff, even stuff I really want to get to. My parents live with me, but lets be honest everyone sees that as me living with my parents
So am I can't or won't? Is there a difference cause I can't, or am I just lazy cause I won't?
interaction i have with shocking regularity is when someone’s complaining abt someone they know and theyre like “ughh they’re 21 and dont have a job and refuse to learn to drive” and then they remember who they’re talking to (me. 21 cant work cant drive) and go like
#I know how tumblr works; they ain't gonna see this post so it ends up mostly being rhetorical#only stoat and the op will see it; and stoat probably won't cause of the number of notes stoat gets everyday on everything#but like... much as I'm not asking that person directly... I do mean to beg the question#and am I lazy rich scum cause I took the money my great aunt left my dad and found a place for $90k in a $300k minimum price state#and helped him buy it... am I lazy and rich cause I didn't make that money?#or... does the fact that I've ate 1 meal a day most days most of my life cause my mom spent all my money when I was tiny#and she still does that... does that make me lazy and poor?#how much does having upper middle class to... my great aunt was a cool woman who lived like a broke farm wife#(and took care of a... not great person for a husband)#and by being frugal her whole life came away a millionaire... just by not spending during a good economy and investing; owning land#anyway... if this damn fly would stop landing on me while I try to write this#point is I feel you op; I feel the exact same way... whole lot of people I know who... yeah; same deal#you know what they'd think of you if they didn't know you... or if you ever stop being friends... you know how they'll talk#so which manner of irredeemable fool and monster am I for how I live my life?#or... is there a world where I'm not lazy trash... where the amount of cleaning I've had to do despite no one teaching me#where that counts for anything#cheers op; I feel you
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#I know life is hard and we shouldn't take it personally and we should never expect people to coddle us and blah blah#but really I would like to just survive one day without someone being mean to me#I don't even need a day of people being nice#truly I would just take one completely mundane day where I didn't get cursed out or yelled at or spoken down to#and yes I'm well aware this is partially my fault because one person in particular I surround myself with is trash#but it's not just him#my sister cursed me out and accused me of insulting her because I said I didn't agree with her on something#I didn't even say she was wrong I legit told her her feelings were valid and that it was just hard for me to see it from the same#perspective#and when she got upset i took it all back and said I was wrong and apologized and still she berated me over messenger until I cried because#I didn't know what else to say#and even though I'm sick#I got up and cooked dinner for my family and I cleaned up the whole mess and put it all away but I didn't do the dishes because I was#struggling and had to lay back down#and my mom came out and did not say thanks for dinner or thanks for cleaning up or anything of the sort#she came out rolled her eyes scoffed gestured to the dishes in the sink and said you have a mess here#and then proceeded to complain about how I didn't do the dishes#and that's stupid to let that bother me but I swear it's an every day thing and like I was so proud of myself for getting up and cooking an#cleaning up my mess because I was struggling to get out of bed at all#and still all she can bring up is the negative and no matter what i do it's always like that never a positive note#and for the record my mom lives with me for free taking over my son's bedroom it's not like i left dishes in her house it's my dishes in my#house#and ofc my son's father found a way to yell at me but i don't even count that anymore#and i'm just emotionally drained#and it feels like lately it's just an every day thing and i'm so fucking tired#I can't remember the last time someone said anything kind to me at all and that's not an exaggeration#no one ever says i love you or i'm proud of you or thanks for doing that or this helps alot or you got this or you're good at this#and I just wish someone could see something good in me for once
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#Lmao#i found my bootleg anime version yugioh cards from when i was a kid#i thought mom had tossed those in the trash long ago#it was on a card holster#in the basement
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I'm going to need cash soon since I'll be jobless in February, so I'll be selling some collectors stuff and games and digimon cards. I'm selling my whole collection because I haven't kept up in a while, and they just take up space. This isn't also just me needing extra cash, but I've been meaning to purge my apartment in general.
I'll post eBay links when I get around to setting up the listings. Eventually
#i haven't played in so long and the meta is unrecognizable to me now#collecting all the variants became too much as well. how do i even organize this shit#i also bought the old digimon vital bracelet but never used the app since my phone was incompatible#and when i got a new phone i found out they trashed the old app and the new one is apparently very very bad#so fuck me i guess. I'm selling it because i barely used it and have no interest in it anymore#also have xbox 360 games from my mom's boyfriend that are worth a bit
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