#my meds have been making me sooo tired

[urdtarah]

I think some retail therapy is in order

[theoasiswinds]

So, if you have been following me for a bit, you might know that I have Hashimoto's disease... so um I noticed my art started looking crap again and then I feel wonky a bit sluggishhh, got the fog brain and sooo tired

also man was like, gurl you are extra sassy and sleepy, and having so many flare ups! See your doctor!!!

I went to my doc did some blood tests, yeah my thyroid is dying faster then I was hoping, oh well sooooo, I have an appointment next wk to see my super wonderful endocrinologist and get my meds changed up a bit and make them stronger...

So yeah if Im not posting much art its cause my art cup mojo is almost empty I need stronger drugs lol ah yes the joys of Hashimotos~!

also since the fog brain guys if you can send me sme advise on Phantom of the Opera inspiring films to watch, let me know I need to work on my Novel and need inspiration~!

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in - August 7th, 2023 🎀

So, it's been an emotional last two weeks. Mental illness is never a fun thing. I slipped off from taking my meds and as a result became inconsistent with my goals and daily routines. I felt powerless to myself. I stayed in bed as much as possible, cried constantly, and had no energy for even the simplest of tasks.

But, I'm feeling better, and I even accomplished some of my goals/daily habits today! I managed to begin taking my meds again, and am still in contact with my therapist. I'm bound to have rough days, rough weeks, and even rough months. I just remind myself that it's okay to feel these rough moments for what they are, but to not let it make me spiral or keep me held down. I believe in my ability to care for myself, and listen to my current needs when I am in a depressive state as I have been. There's nothing wrong with low energy days. There's nothing wrong with needing a break. There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. 🩷

🩷 What I Ate Today:

Breakfast - Was not feeling it today but needed to eat for my medication, so I had three hashbrown patties with some ketchup. And, of course, a cup of coffee.

Lunch - A delicious turkey and cheddar lunchable with one serving of lightly salted cashews. The lighter the lunch, the less tired I am when I get off my lunch break.

Dinner - I ordered some domino's pizza and cheesy bread because I was craving it, only ate 2 slices of both but it was sooo good and now I have leftovers!

Snacks - One cup of coffee after I got off work and a few bites of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream, which is currently my favorite ice cream.

Water ~ not enough, I made the mistake of forgetting a reusable water bottle when I went to work, so I didn't really start drinking water until like, 10am.

It's not my cleanest, healthiest, or best eating day, but I'm happy that I listened to what I wanted. Not every day will be like this, and that's okay. Moderation and balance are key <3

🩷 Workouts - Pilate Abs

Again, I love this one to start of my ab day! arts easy enough for my little plus sized self to accomplish and makes me feel proud for even attempting thus video and completing a workout!

I also love this one by Madeleine as well, her workout videos honestly just click with me and I am here for it! This one wasn't completed fully as I have a bit of trouble completing plank exercises, but as I continue to build strength and better my form, I know I'll get to a point where they will become easier

🩷 Habits I Accomplished Today -

Made my bed

Morning workout

Morning and Night Skincare

Morning guided journal

For my first day back on routine I'd say this is a win! Being able to complete any of my goals and habits for the day is definitely a good thing, and I'm proud of myself for accomplishing what I have today.

🩷 Song of the Day: Cake - ITZY

SHAKE IT SHAKE SHAKE IT SHAKE BUSS IT UP BUSS IT UP

My girl Yuna did so good in this song, and all of their outfits are cute and the energy is there and they all look so happy and this song makes me want to get up and dance. I may or may not be trying to learn Yuna's lil dance part....it's so satisfying to watch!!

That's all for today! Pretty proud of the way things have gone, and hopeful that tomorrow will also be a nice day for me. It feels good to be posting again!! I missed this <3

Til tomorrow, lovelies!!

[gatorlovebot]

Our chronic pain brain cells are sooo communicating rn. Ghost gets chronic pain the most out of everyone in 141. They’re all supportive, but ghost is the only one who gets it. Soap sometimes forgets about our limitations in his excitement (but he always always makes sure to reassure us and feels guilty. He ends up making a note on his phone that has what triggers us, what we can’t do no matter what pain level were at, and the things that helps us, and he screenshots it to make it his phone background). Gaz is trying his best, and he does good because he definitely has issues from hanging from a fucking helicopter, but it’s different, and talks to Price and Ghost for advice on how to help better, and does research online too. Price is caregiver (cough cough daddy) and has done all the research ever and has his own experience with aches and pains, but sometimes goes a lil too far and makes you feel weak or like a burden, and there needs to be a conversation. Ghost is just perfect. He knows chronic pain, knows the desire for help but also independence, and knows you. Best lover boy in the world.

I want all of them rn, they could put my icy hot patches on for me since I can never get them to stick properly on my own 🥺

🐶

i was hoping writing about chronic pain reader would bring you back to me 🥰

simon is the best lover boy and i will take no questions!! he just knows you. he doesn’t need to have notes and lists on his phone, he doesn’t need to have all your meds on standby, he never feels the need to do things for you, because he knows that you know your body. you’ve both with pain for years and he’s not going to try to undermine you by thinking he knows best.

ALSO since i wrote that post i have not been able to stop thinking about puppy simon trying to help you through a pain flare up.

maybe you came home from a long day and you didn’t really communicate with him how you were feeling, instead just focusing all your energy on getting yourself home. you breathe a sigh of relief when you finally get your key in the door, but then your face drops at the sight of simon sitting on the floor, waiting for you with his collar on.

any other day you would have dropped down to your knees to give him kisses and love after a long day a part, but all you wanted when you came home was for him to help you take off your coat and boots. you struggle with them on your own, huffing at him when he tries grab at your jacket sleeve with his teeth. you feel awful snapping at him, at the way his brows furrow in confusion, and then shame.

once you finally get yourself settled he tugs on your shirt sleeve towards the kitchen, reminding you that not only do you have to feed yourself but now you have to feed him. you try not to cry on the spot. but by the grace of god he has something cooking in the oven already, timer going with a little note on the counter that he must have written before he slipped into puppy space, his scrawl informing you that all you had to do was take the pan out of the oven when the timer dings. this time you do cry, and do your best to bend down to cover his nose in kisses, he luckily meets you halfway.

with a few minutes left on the timer he next takes you to your bedroom where he has loose, comfy clothes laid out on your bed to change into. he sits and watches you patiently, a noise of concern leaving his lips whenever a noise of pain left your’s. but deep down he knew that getting changed was something you could do on your own despite your condition, so he just sat and waited until you were done.

dinner was a breeze and one less thing for you to worry about in your state, serving up plates for the both of you and parking yourselves on the couch so you could rest your tired and sore body. simon stayed close the rest of the night, using his knuckles to dip into the painful spots of your lower back <3

[handoferis]

i have had the most hilarious day

i dropped off my holter monitor and tried to wash off the goop in the bathroom, did not work at all. left with grunge and a weird hickey looking bruise. too obese to button my flannel up. awesome, whatever. i decided to pick up some prescriptions while i was out and about. while i was there i saw my shitty IRL that im tentatively being polite to and her kiddo ran up to me and hugged me <33 oh but anyway she was all like "omg hiii, sorry i havent been in contact ive just been sooo busy. im not mad at you! are you mad at me?" and i just laughed and was like whatever, shit happens dude. like totally not answering her question but willing to just move on. idk i just always laugh when someone genuinely asks "are you mad at me?" or "do you hate me?" it just feels so middle school. i explained my bruise and we had a good laugh, apparently she pulled her shoulder but that's not why she was at the med center, it was for the kiddo. i gave her a couple of muscle relaxers since i JUST got it refilled so fuck it. i wish she would go to an actual doctor though. instead of the ER last week i guess? for a pulled shoulder??? ok .

so me and my MIL finally leave the med center, i bought a preroll at the dispo, i went to gordon food service and bought mochi. boomer MIL went to mcdonalds and decided we need to eat in because she wanted to "make sure they brew a fresh decaf and cook my food to order" (it sounds reasonable but she isnt reasonable about how she asks) and it was insane, the manager was verbally abusing one of his employees. said employee walked out. two customers on two separate occasions started cussing out some of the remaining workers.

finally we go to leave and her car wont start.

MIL is absolutely, and i dont say this lightly, fucking retarded, when it comes to vehicles. She has never changed her oil on any vehicle she has had in the time ive known her. She constantly buys like fucking Temu windshield wipers and then is like "these wipers are fucky sucky" yes Meems its cause you bought it from fuckysucky dot com. Jesus! Ok so

She sat there just trying to start her car over and over again. For like half an hour. No lights would come on, not even flicker. I tried to tell her like hey let's try something else. Do you think she listened to me? No. She is having like 86 panic attacks and listing off every biblical character she can think of while she's trying to start the car over and over. She finally called a family friend and they brought jumper cables.

The battery is in the trunk. The trunk can't be opened because the battery is dead. Could not open the access panel bc it was so awkward to maneuver trying to reach it from the back seat. Family friend googled it and found out theres some battery access nodes under the front hood. and it straight up didnt work. like at all. dashboard lights would flicker on but then right back off. random guy in the parking lot offered 'help' by walking family friend through the steps of what she'd already been doing.

MIL is having a panic attack because the tow truck is going to be $112 and she wants to call "these other cheapy guys in my phone but i cant find it OH OKAY I found it should I call and cancel the other one?" and im like "Meems they are already on the way dont fuckign do that to these people." tow truck pulls up after i finished that sentence. kids stopped playing in the playplace to watch the tow truck lmao.

i finally got home and i was so tired and dehydrated and hungry and my mochi was totally liquid on the inside. god. all i wanted to do was drop off my monitor and go home and play neopets what the fawwwwk

[m-jelly]

Hi jelly!!! I hope you had a super wonderful weekend <3 I am curious if you are doing a letter event right now?

I am just now getting back to tumblr after several months and I’m so happy to see you are posting so much! I’m a huge fan of your writing and was very excited to see your blog upon returning :)

If you are doing letters, I have a request if you can fit it <3. So the reason I was gone so long is because I was applying to med school and I just got in a few weeks ago!! Can I please have a letter from Levi reacting to this? :) particularly with planning for the future or something Bc I am all over the place lol. you can make it canon or modern au, as fluffy or as spicy as you want! I’m just sooo excited you are doing an event and am going to spend the next hour diving through your lovely writing <3 thank you!!

Sweetheart,

You are absolutely incredible, you know? I told you that you'd get in. I knew you would. You are so smart and you work so hard. I never doubted you for a second. I know you were deeply worried and your anxiety consumed you, but you did it!

You know, I am so proud of you. I have been telling everyone about it and I told my mother as well. I'm just so excited for you. You deserve the world, you really do.

Now, I know your mind is a mess right now and you're a bit confused about where to go. I know you planned to get into med school and you didn't plan after, so now I have a little list for you so you can stay focused. I know you love planning and I'm here to help because I love you.

Do amazing at med school

Love your boyfriend

Take breaks when you need to so you don't get too tired

Contact your boyfriend when you get to each lecture cause he worries so much about you

Contact your boyfriend when you're done for the day so he can bring you home.

Let your boyfriend cook for you because you are amazing and deserve to be spoiled.

Go on a holiday at the end of every school year with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend will be paying for it.

Move in fully with your boyfriend

Marry your handsome and wonderful boyfriend

Maybe have some kids with your boyfriend who will be your husband cause he would love little kids

Grow old with wonderful husband

I hope you like my list for you. I just want you to be happy and to live a life of love and joy with me. I want you to go for your dreams and goals. I will support you through everything. I will love you through everything.

You are absolutely wonderful in every single way. I know you'll be perfect at medical school. I will stand by you through everything. I will support you through everything.

I love you more than anything in this world...doctor.

All my love

Levi x

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Haiii hello :3 I’m back again with more stsg thoughts !! So,, I feel like we can all recognise that teen stsg are complete and utter losers BUT there are quite a few scenes in the anime that make it obvious that the both of them are capable of being serious to protect people when it’s necessary.. and it made me think of how they would react if you got seriously injured hmmm HMMMMM (this totally isn’t yummy to me because I wanna see feral protective stsg…. Totally…..) or maybe it’s a lil like when Toji told sugu that he killed satoru hhhh … like ur all on a mission together and u get separated somehow and satoru is like “where tf did y/n go 🙁🙁” and whoever they’re fighting comes outta nowhere like “oh I killed th-“ 💥💥💥💥💥💥 ‘n it turns out you’re just a little injured 😭😭 but I feel like they’d be sooo dramatic and worried about you :( and satoru “jokes” that now they won’t be able to leave u alone incase u get injured again…he’s just gonna have to keep an eye on u and protect u forever and ever (he means it) and sugu js goes full mother mode like he’s forcing u to stay in bed, makes you soup, reminds u to take pain meds and listens to every word of advice the doctor gives to help u recover from the injury 💔💔 hrherh I know this wasn’t as long as my usual asks but I thought it was cute and I’ve been thinking about the stupid losers all day… can’t wait to see the sashisu thing uve been working on too !! I love them sooo much I know shoko doesn’t get much love in this fandom :( loser boys (stsg) taking up too much of the spotlight smh…. Move outta the way…. It’s bae shokos turn…. (Joke I still love stsg💔) but she’s my cute tired loser wife with a coffee addiction and I hold her very dear to my heart she’s my princess with a disorder (the disorder is depression) hehe I hope u have a wonderful day/night/whatever time it is for uuu !! — stsg anon !! 💗🌸

had to go into pixlr to make this r u proud of me…. HEHEH STSG ANON MY SWEETIE my number one supplier of treats <33333 i loveloveloveeee feral protective stsg…. ure so real…… they’re both wolfboys at heart i think .

but ohhhh u always get them perfectly….. toru joking around to lighten to mood (but he’s actually not joking at all) while sugu goes mother hen mode……… :((( they’re both sooo so worried. there’s nothing they wouldn’t do to protect u!!!….. one scenario i keep thinking of is reader falling down a set of stairs or slipping on a patch of ice when it’s cold n slippery outside…. and spraining their ankle… so stsg has to take care of them and they’re both just. Wrecks. bc they feel sooo guilty and they hate seeing u in pain….. i imagine that it’d hit sugu extra hard so toru tries to be more serious and mature than usual to make up for it!! idk i just feel like sugu is especially prone to blaming himself over things like this :((( even if it wasn’t his fault at all…. and he tries to distract himself from the shame by tending to u like a baby chick. makes u food and carries u around the house…. sits u down on his lap and tries to distract u from the way his eyes gloss over w tears bc he can’t stop looking at the cast on ur foot and he just feels so incredibly guilty :((((((((….. sniffle. i wanna hug him.

i got carried away phfkdjkdkf BUT I LOVE YOUUU STSG ANON and i love this concept sm…….. they’re both papabears :((( i feel like satoru gets a lot more serious when you’re injured, while suguru gets more meek than usual…. it’s kind of a reversal of their usual roles but it’s great bc they balance each other out !! :3 like. in the scenario above i feel like satoru might get frustrated bc they told you to be careful not to slip on the ice or whatever but suguru is there to remind him that you’re in pain and that it was an accident :(( and when it’s a more minor injury i think suguru is the one to get slightly condescending bc why would you go out into the rain without a jacket?? /obviously/ you’d catch a cold, dummy. and satoru is there to defend your honour with his life LMAO…… they’re sooo so silly.

ALSOOOO STSG ANON ….. i’m so glad that ure excited for the sashisu fic 😭😭😭 that made me so happy!!! i agree sm, shoko is sooo underrated she’s my little meow meow i love her sm :((

she’s my cute tired loser wife with a coffee addiction and I hold her very dear to my heart she’s my princess with a disorder (the disorder is depression)

YOU’RE SO REALLLLL PDHFJJDJF MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WITH A DISORDER <3…. i knew i could trust u stsg anon, she’s SUCH a loser and we don’t talk abt it enough smh. she’s literally soooo similar to stsg like they’re all the same… soft sappy silly little losers…… oh how i love them so <33

[oh-surprise-its-me]

So full disclosure @aki-draws-things I’ve got cold meds in my system sooo hopefully this makes at least some sense!

But here’s a criminal au!

Let’s pretend that marriage between three people is legal for shits and giggles.

(Also! Mostly inspired because we talked about Mick Rory and Leonard Snart and I spent all of yesterday doing through the fan fics)

Chris never thought he would be a lawyer. Let alone a lawyer for two art thieves.

Two art thieves he’s fallen in love with.

Chris always knew that Tommy was pretty. Ron was just as pretty. The rumors of them being together never fading.

When Chris walks back into his penthouse he catches sight of a new statue. “Tommy!”

Ron sticks his head out of the kitchen. “You okay Baby?” “Did I call you? No. I want the idiot we call a husband.”

Ron nods. He hopes Chris doesn’t yell at Tom too much.

Tom runs down the steps. “Hey Chris!” Chris smiles at him. He loops his arms around Tom’s neck. He leans close almost to kiss him but breaks off at the last second. “Is that a goddamn Michelangelo in our living room.”

Tom smiles. “Absolutely it is!” Chris sighs. He bites Tom’s neck. “Are you fucking insane!” Tom at least has the class to look guilty. “No? Just wanted the best of the best for you baby.”

Chris leans his forehead onto Tom’s shoulder. He hears Ron’s footsteps come up. Ron wraps his arms around the two of them. “If it makes it better I helped him?”

Chris raises a hand. He smacks it over Ron’s mouth. “I love you both but if I have to convince and blackmail another jury that y’all aren’t criminal masterminds I’m divorcing you.”

Ron winces. “Yeah that’s fair.” Chris leans back. “Fair? Fair?! Yeah it’s fucking fair! I want my husbands to be home for a while. Jesus Christ lay low.” Tom presses a kiss to Chris’s head. “We were careful don’t worry. It’ll all be fine.”

Chris shudders. He’s tired. So tired. “Help me with my clothing then I’m starving.”

They both grin. Chris has been compared to the most breathtaking art in the world. Better then anything in the Louvre better then all of the museums in the world. He knows how much they like stripping and taking care of him.

Ron slips away with a squeeze to Chris’s hip. “Gonna finish dinner. Tommy take care of him?” Tom nods. “Course Sunny.” Chris gets an actual kiss this time around. He leans into it, he’s tilts backwards and looses his balance. Tom catches him.

“Time for you to change babydoll. I’ll help.”

Chris is ushered upstairs, he changes fast. Knows there’s a statue to look at when he gets back down the stairs. They would never steal something boring. They only steal the best.

Tom is gone again when Chris exits the closet. The man is silent. Ron is too but you would never guess with how tall he is.

Chris stares at his diploma of law. Well. He’s definitely using it. Maybe for more crime related reasons then he originally thought but plans change. At least he can’t ever testify against his husbands and they can’t testify against each other. He can defend the hell out of them though.

“Baby come on food!” Chris snaps out of it to Ron’s call. He drags his finger across the Rodin that lives in the bedroom. “We’ll be back.”

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? Well, I finally tried edibles to see if it helps my anxiety at all, as well as my insomnia, appetite, and pain. I’ve had horrible anxiety, more so than ever, this past year and the medications my doctor would allow weren’t working. I was feeling really hopeless and scared. The only thing that did seem to help was my pain med, which of course isn’t its intended purpose but I was taking it for that as well, which wasn’t good. I finally decided to give edibles a try with the hope of course of it actually helping me and to also take less pills. 

2. What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? Well, I’ve been trying this new regimen for the past week now and figuring out the right dosages and how many a day and  so far it is working. I have definitely cut back on the pills, which is really good. 

3. Name somewhere you are planning on visiting in the near future? I sadly have no travel plans. I’m hoping perhaps my new “medication” will help me feel motivated and have the desire to want to get up out of bed more and perhaps at least take a drive to the beach and park as close as we can so I can enjoy it from the car. I’d take that over nothing right now. I really miss the beach. :( Like I said, though, I’m still playing around with the correct amount and what type I take for what. I need a mood lifter kind. While it has helped some of my issues, it also makes me really tired and have zero energy which is not helpful if I want to go somewhere.

4. How often do you go grocery shopping and how much food do you usually get in one go? My mom goes twice a month for our big grocery trips. We get a lot of stuff.

5. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? I have cream of wheat for breakfast, Taco Bell at least 4-5 times a week, and I have a sandwich for lunch just about everyday. I have pizza fairly often, too. It’s so wild how my appetite has changed since being home from the hospital because prior to I ate a lot of chicken, particularly chicken wings. I had that all the time before and now it’s rare for me to get chicken wings or chicken strips. I don’t know why.

6. When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? That’s kinda just how I am for the most part. I’d like to speak up to a couple people, but I just want to cause any drama or hurt anyone’s feelings. I just imagine the conversation going completely wrong and everything getting twisted. I won’t be able to say what I want to say in the right way. I’m getting hurt, too, but it’s best I just don’t say anything.

7. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? I don’t recall.

8. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? I don’t have any friends.

9. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else's dreams? I always have random people pop up in my dreams for some reason. Like people I know, but I’m talking like for example this kid I went to elementary and middle school with. We weren’t friends, but acquaintances. I didn’t have a crush on him or anything either. Sooo, I really have no idea why he’s the one to pop up on my dreams randomly. 

10. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? I sometimes wish I could talk to Ty again and tell him some things, but I guess at this point it really doesn’t matter.

11. Instead of flat earth, what do you think of the simulated earth theory, that we're basically all just a giant computer program or virtual reality? Nah.

12. What worries you most about your future? I’m truly afraid of getting worse or never getting much better. I’m afraid of living a life mainly stuck in bed or at home. I’m afraid I won’t be able to travel again or go places. My future terrifies me.

13. What is something you do to feel better when you're scared? I have to just try to distract myself somehow. 14. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? My mom, 100%. I know I always can.

15. What makes you trust someone? When was the last time someone broke your trust? It’s usually just unless I have a reason or feeling that I shouldn’t. You just kind of vibe with someone and gauge how comfortable you feel and how much you want to share. 

16. When was the last time you shared a secret with someone, and how did they react? I don’t recall. 

17. Are you more likely to give advice or to ask for it? I used to be the one friends came to for advice all the time, but I’m certainly in no place to be giving advice to anyone right now. I also don’t ask for it generally. Very rarely. I keep a lot of shit to myself. 

18. When was the last time you felt totally lost, figuratively speaking? How about literally? >> I constantly feel lost, figuratively speaking. I almost never feel lost, literally speaking. <<<

19. In what ways are you emotionally strong? In what ways are you emotionally weak? I feel extremely weak emotionally. And physically.

20. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? One of them that randomly came to mind is “The Giver.”

21. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? I much prefer watching with others. My mom, brother, and I have several shows we watch together. I find it fun to have someone to react and obsess with. 

22. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? I don’t recall.

23. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? My favorite number since I was a kid has been 8. That number comes up a lot in my life, too. The number 9 does as well. I don’t know what it means, if anything, but it’s interesting. 

24. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? No.

25. What do you get complimented on the most? Ha, nothing anymore. I’m a mess. 

26. What is something unusual that you find attractive? I find hands attractive, but I think that’s not so unusual or uncommon. I can’t think of anything that would be “unusual.”

27. What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? I tend to eat around 11 or 12PM and my last meal around 8. 

28. What was the subject of the last video you watched? I’m watching a YouTuber that does a lot of videos on abandoned places and companies that went bankrupt and/or closed down. The one I’m watching now is about Bed, Bath, & Beyond. 

29. When was the last time you traveled out of town, and where to? Over a year ago to the beach. 

30. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? I don’t know, man.

[lovecolibri]

Finally watched the episode as well. I was not so impressed. It was a solid episode, but the fandom totally overhypes it. While i did like the emergencies going back to just emergencies without ten minutes of backstory nobody wants to see, it angered me sooo much that each cast member got a scene of how they were doing after a four month hiatus but Eddie (and Chris) nowhere to be seen. They could have easily cut some Buckley-Han family scenes for that. Is this too much to ask for? The final moments also didn‘t came anywhere close to how i felt after watching Eddie getting shot. Sure Buck hanging there was something, but i don‘t know i already moved on and am looking forward to next Monday. Eddie getting shot however still haunts me.

I'm sorry the episode didn't live up to the hype for you. It absolutely did for me for the most part though I agree that the lack of Eddie and the check-in for him and Chris was disappointing to say the least and given that the sperm donor arc is my absolute behated, I would rather have seen less drama about that and checked in with Eddie and Chris. We literally saw EVERY other main character at home with their family except for Eddie 😤😤😤 And after Eddie's arc was consistently one of the only things that fans and GAs liked about s5 it feels incredibly petty and disrespectful to sideline him so hard in s6 🤷🏻‍♀️

I loved the final minutes of the episode, and I absolutely got chills, same with seeing the preview for this week. I also love the shooting scene, but honestly 4x14 is Not It for me personally because *I* wanted more about EDDIE and more from his POV, and more from the firefam ABOUT Eddie like we're getting for Buck, and seeing the firefam and especially Bobby being there for Buck but instead all the scenes that SHOULD have gone to the firefam taking care of Buck or being at Eddie's house for his welcome home party, went to Tay Kay instead so KR could force her into the narrative. Plus Bobby got shot and we just never talked about that again and totally skipped any recovery even though Bobby had issues with pain meds and that could have been something to explore. So while the shooting scene itself is absolutely top tier, chef's kiss amazing, the episode as a whole is a mixed bag for me to say the least, while 6x10 really only had the sperm donor discussion that I didn't like because I don't see the point or what they're trying to accomplish with that arc since Buck isn't going to struggle at all with the difference between donor and dad, so I'm just tired of wasting screentime on it.

My general rule though is to keep my expectations, as much as I can, in the GROUND, so that I'm not disappointed. I forgot that lesson in s4 by foolishly thinking that after having Tay Kay humiliate Buck on purpose, call him a bad friend, and sneer at him about how needy he is (all because he asked her over as a friend to have his back in an uncomfortable situation when she thought it was gonna be for sex and all about her, and she wasn't prepared to actually step up and be a friend so she went out of her way to make things MORE uncomfortable for him out of spite), that it was a clue they would NEVER try to put them together. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ My b. I forgot some women just looooove the idea of pulling "big strong men" down and putting them "in their place" because hashtag feminism or whatever. And after Tay Kay AND L who bragged about enjoying making Buck uncomfortable? It's not too hard to see what kind of woman character KR likes to project on to.

Anyway, sorry the episode wasn't everything you wanted, though it felt much more like a return to form for me, and like you said even the emergencies were back to how they used to be. Brad and JCC really do create magic together, and I hope this energy continues through the rest of 6b because after 6a was just...filler moments with the occasional spark, it felt really good to have that season 3 energy back. At least the cast is giving stellar performances no matter what and the fodder for fics is all sooooo delicious, so we're still getting fed!

[le2bludragon]

I'm kinda happy that my hearts pretty healthy. I remember 2016 when my doctor told me that I had an extra heart beat. I was so worried and bummed out. What it could lead. I'm kinda glad all that change recently. This time around i started to care of my health during covid and thats when i started sticking to my high blood pressure meds and just simple excersizing like walking helped alot. Not to mention hema really changes things. Being physically active made me greatful. I even met someone in my class. I'm too shy to ask her out. I know I'm setting myself up for failure. But I think I'll give it a shot and see where it leads.

I was a little afraid as well, knowing I had a bad heart at the time I didn't want to drag any future girlfriends with me if something were to go wrong... cuz heart surgery is sooo expensive plus if i died it would of been a whole other thing. I thought about this for years. I mean sure my thoughts lead me to dramatic situations but.... i had alot of time. Though majority of the reason I was too shy to ask anyone or too broke to do anything.

Doctor did say it could comeback so I have to be on top of that game and keep my healthy heart.

I've been learning different warm ups to improve blood circulation. And learning different foods to eat and make it taste good.

I need to keep writing so I can fall asleep. I have wire practice tomorrow. I need to be Sharp.

I do noticed when I don't sleep so well after a few days. I start to hallucinate. It's nothing wild but seeing pictures move around and such. The best way to be normal when it happens is to not look at it and just laugh.

I remember when I was a kid I used to try to make the lines in the painting move around when I was board. I could look at a painting and create a scene. Most of it was ether action or silly. Who would of thought after all these years it would comeback unintentionally. Though it only happens when I'm super tired.

[cigarettedolly13]

Before I go to bed, I wanna actually talk about what’s been going on with me lately, especially because I feel like getting it off my chest to some degree might help.

I’ve been going on and off between genuinely trying to engage with and talk to people and just completely self isolating when I’m not working. I’ve become really emotionally unstable over the past week and this mainly happened due to me getting sick and going off of my medication for a bit to recover. Unfortunately I’m almost out and I’m due for a refill but I’m not sure when I’ll get my refill, either way I’m realizing that I genuinely need this type of medication to regulate my emotions and it’s kind of a thing I need to accept but also I think part of it has been I’ve been forgetting to change my BC patch on the correct day and I’ve done that 4 times a row this round…so now everything is just like…out of whack for me. In addition to that, nearly everything makes me cry as of late and it’s both concerning and kind of comical. I was at work cleaning the inside of one of our stock displays, and I accidentally sprayed cleaning chemicals on a fly that I didn’t know was in there. Either way it actually upset me to the point of tears because I was trying to figure out how to get the flies out of there while simultaneously having a breakdown over the fact that I did that.

That and I’ve also been feeling insane levels of guilt lately for simply existing and not being 100% miserable all the time. Like there’s no rhyme or reason behind it. I could literally just like…engage in something that makes me happy for like a second and I would instantly feel guilty for enjoying said thing. I don’t know if the catholic indoctrination is crawling out of the woodworks and working overtime again or if this has to do with the environment I’ve created for myself but oh lawdy either way, I’ve experienced a level of guilt and shame for simply existing that I haven’t felt since I was maybe 13 years old.

All of this has just lead to me isolating myself as frequently as I can. I feel too anxious to go outside or do anything outdoors because I just don’t want to be perceived in my current state. The good news is that when I finish my current round of meds I’m going to be trying a different form of adderall that will help me function better without the midday crash my current adderall gives me. I’m hoping that longevity will be an even better help in regulating my emotions. Problem is I’ve only got four pills left so I’m like “I gotta take them but it’ll be sooo long before I get more meds 😤” but also idk maybe I can see if my meds are ready idk man I’m tired.

Anyway that’s all I needed to talk about. Maybe this could’ve been a private rant however I think it might help me some to document how I’ve been feeling and what I could do going forward. At least publicly. I already feel better after typing this.

Moral of the story: Don’t raise your kids Catholic or they’ll develop horrific guilt complexes that follow them into adulthood regardless of whether they deconstruct or not ❤️

[cinhomi]

Hello Aurora dear, I’m soooo so sooo tired of med school (lemme gaslight myself into thinking I can quit, I’ll have to be up early for tomorrow’s classes lol)

I am doing quite well, periods have been insane (I literally couldn’t feel my legs half the day so, no classes✨) but all is good.

How are you doing my dearest? Remember no pressure, you’re having fun here okay? Don’t forget that.

I love your new interface, so cozy🥹 and brown, pretty

Do take care, I will endeavour to do the same

-🍯

hi honey baby, missed you! 🩷

I perfectly get that feeling of "I'm so tired of my current field of studies but I actually love it deep down so I can't do anything else but go on", I get it...

I'm sorry to hear that bubi :( but it's good that you thought about your health, yeah

I'm currently sick... I have a high fever and I can't stop caughing, my throat is about to leave me... I had an important exam simulation but I really can't go in these conditions, I hope I can try another time

I'll post something in a few minutes, if you want to make a request think about it my sweetie, I'd be happy to write for you 🫶

thank you! I like this theme too! with pring arriving I wanted to change things, but I think that when the equinox arrives I'll give it a more fresh twist 😊

I'll try to recover quickly... thank you for being so lovely every time 🩷✨️

[swordbeliever]

i am certain that i have this and it’s so frustrating to deal with because quite literally the only thing that makes it a “disorder” is the fact that i am expected to function during hours that don’t work for me. all appointments are scheduled 9am-5pm. grocery stores close at 11pm now. so many of my classes in college that are REQUIRED start before 11 am. i physically cannot be awake at those times!!!

i have tried time and time again to wake up and go to bed at the “right times” and while i can usually do it for 1-2 weeks, eventually i slide back into sleeping from 4-6am and getting up at 12-2pm.

also!!! when i’ve tried to explain this to people and say that i probably have a circadian rhythm disorder they tell me not to self-diagnose and that i need to go to a doctor about it. at the same time as they’re telling me to just do xyz to make sure i can get up at the right time. i was diagnosed with insomnia at one point because i cant fall asleep earlier than 2 am most nights, i have been prescribed sooo many sleeping meds and all they do is make me sleep too much and feel like shit the next day.

my solution to all of this has been getting a night shift job because now at least people understand why i’m tired during the day (“i worked until 4 am last night”) and i’m not seen as a complete waste for staying up this late.

i fucking hate

this is literally just labeling someone’s natural circadian rhythms as disordered.

“may fall asleep later than intended and feel sleepy during the day”

WHAT IF

hear me out

WHAT IF

WE JUST LET PPL LIKE ME W NATURALLY “DELAYED” CIRCADIAN RHYTHMS SLEEP WHEN THEY NATURALLY WANT TO AND STOP FORCING THEM TO CONFORM TO A BULLSHIT CAPITALISM-FUELED NIGHTMARE SCHEDULE!

like!!!!!!!!! WHY is this a DISORDER!!!

i remember during lockdown when i had nothing to do and i just started naturally letting my sleep return to what felt most natural, and that happened to be around 3am-10am ish. and i felt fucking fantastic!!!! i felt the best i’d ever felt!!!!!!

and now i’m back to bullshit trying to knock myself out using nyquil or weed or benadryl so i can wake up at 8am and get to work at 9am which is apparently “late” and i feel like shit all day and can never find the motivation to work on my books!!! during the pandemic i wrote an entire fucking book!!! usually between the hours of 11pm and 3am!!!! and now when i start to feel that itch to write i have to ignore it bc i have to go to bed at a time that feels so unnatural!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!

i hate everything!!!!!!!!

[jiangwanyin]

actually lately my toxic trait is being too happy to sleep. i'll be laying in bed at 5am smiling for no goddamn reason sleep deprived as FUCK but feeling really good besties what's wrong with me

[paleode-ology]

okay! one week into adhd meds. since I already made this post I’m just gonna add on for reference when I have my follow up appt.

- my doctor warned me that some people experience nightmares for the first few days on adhd. I haven’t had nightmares but I definitely had very vivid dreams for the first few days. It’s not unusual for me to dream and remember my dreams but every night for a week in a row is a bit out of the ordinary for me.

- I feel like I’ve been dehydrated? My mouth has been getting dry a lot more than usual I guess?

- I had a Very Emotional Week, and while I DO get myself into Very Frequent Drama (👁️) I wouldn’t be surprised if the emotions had been exacerbated by the meds. Which in turn would have made the drama worse. Which would have made the emotions worse. Which would have-

- I’ve been exhausted. Some of this is my fault, I’ve been letting myself stay up way too late, plus emotional exhaustion, and I think I’ve been doing “being social” wrong since the end of summer.

- Since I have been tired and keyed up 24/7 I have been avoiding doing work. So aside from practicing piano my actual capability to pay attention and focus for long periods of time haven’t really been tested yet 🤷🏻 whoops. I did read an entire book (a graphic novel; so not a huge timesink but it WAS in one sitting) and have been steadily making my way through a sci-fi short story anthology that I have so that’s progress on something at least. Sooo we’re still 0 for 0 on homework lmao

Notes about things that aren’t about meds under the cut, I don’t want this post to be any longer than it already is for the sake of your dashes, but I want to keep my notes on ADHD Things in one place for now

Unrelated to medication, I have a few other notes on Dealing With ADHD (Since Actually Being Diagnosed). I started coaching, had my first session a few days ago. Love my coach, they’re honestly really helpful and open, and in even one session managed to start changing how I view tasks and scheduling. So that’s cool.

Being away from school has been harder than I thought it would. Which is insane because like. I just got done spending a year and a half doing school entirely from home and that wreaked absolute havoc on me, so I’m not sure why I thought this would be different. The structure to my days is completely different than it’s ever been before, and I haven’t really been making an effort to adjust to that. Socially it’s been difficult also. Most of the time I spend completely alone except for occasionally talking to my parents (who both work from home) and my sisters when they’re not at school or sports things. I have some in person contact with my one class which is in person, but. That’s school. Fun school, but still. When I DO see my friends, it’s really fun, but making a day out of it is pretty overwhelming? I love seeing people when I go back to campus but I end up hanging out with different people all day which inevitably ends up exhausting me (not to mention having to drive for an hour and a half in a given day is A Lot, even if it’s easy as hell) So any given day has the wrong amount of socializing but there’s not a lot that I can do about that right now? I might talk to my coach about that. It’s highly possible I just need to suck it up until I go back to school in January.

I think that’s it? That’s all that’s coming to mind anyway. This is shit I should be writing in my journal but my phone feels easier right now so sorry if anyone actually reads this it’s literally just for my personal use ahdhfh

okay so today is my first day being medicated for adhd, I’m on extended release adderall, and for the most part I don’t feel too different but here’s what I’ve noticed:

Definitely different:

- food cravings. Normally I feel like I need to constantly be having little treats in order to get through my day, like I go through sooo much juice and chocolate milk boxes in a week it’s insane. Today I haven’t done that at all, but my appetite is normal like I had lunch and stuff

- I practiced piano and was able to focus on it for a lot longer. I felt like I was practicing more efficiently also? I’m not sure how long I practiced, should’ve timed it, but I only stopped bc my stepdad had a call and the mic would’ve picked up the sound.

Maybe different:

- ability to initiate tasks? I haven’t done too much today bc I just don’t have a lot I need to do, but I read for fun for a bit and made my bed finally (this one was coerced by my mother so I’m not sure if I would’ve done it on my own? Maybe? But I was able to do it all the way through, I only had one or two distractions which were minor like turning on my lamp etc)

- I feel kind of tired now, but I’m pretty sure that’s just because I was up too late last night. But I napped for like twenty minutes and I was a lot less restless than I usually am when I nap, I feel like I was able to zone out a lot faster.

- I think that my thoughts are a bit more coherent? As I’m typing this I don’t have a lot going on in the background of my mind, mostly just echos of what I’m typing or only one or two words ahead.

Things that might be affected but haven’t been tested yet:

- driving. I’m REALLY curious about this one, especially because I don’t think I could placebo myself into being a better driver. I’m fine at driving but keeping track of everything that’s going on or looking far enough ahead is often difficult for me.

- social interactions. I’m going to a family reunion/birthday party tomorrow and will be interacting with a lot of people I don’t normally see for a very long time. Curious to see if anything seems different.

- doing homework. I haven’t done any yet today so I’m not sure how much easier it will be (if at all) to start and finish it. That’s for tomorrow or Sunday. In that vein, class as well. I have an online class on Monday and an in person one on Wednesday.

- concerts! I go to a lot of classical music events bc my grandmother is a classical fanatic and lives really close to us, but I ALWAYS struggle to pay attention bc the listening alone just isn’t stimulating enough to me. On Sunday I’m going to an organ concert, so we’ll see how that goes.

- sports! Im on a rec vb team, we only play once a week but maybe something will be different. Or not.