#my main points are they he likes her sense of humor and her independence

[skellymom]

"Slide"

Bad Batch x Non-Gendered Character - ONE SHOT

This is my FIRST fan fic. Working on a much longer series fic with an OC that will drop...when it’s done. Criticism is welcome AS LONG AS IT’S KIND AND CONSTRUCTIVE. PLEASE feel free to contact me! I really want to hear feedback. Also, open to questions. All my work will be 18+ just because of my nasty mouth, nasty mind, and inappropriate dark humor. REMINDER: Please REBLOG if you like what you read! Thanks!!!  

Summary: Action, Jedi learns to grow Force powers. This timeline is several months after leaving Crosshair on Kamino, near the end of working for Cid. The Batch is trying to figure a hook to be independent and possibly start actively rebelling against the Empire. This is set well before Mt Tantiss. 

Content and Warnings: Canon and non-canon violence, swearing, momentary and possibly gruesome death of main characters (no worries, they don’t stay dead forever), Crosshair is an angry psychopathic killer with a vengeance (no hate, I love his problematic ass), mild Hunter fluff, touchy concerned Tech, Echo swears. 

Word count:  2.1 K

**********************************************************************

You hadn’t expected to be separated from the rest of the Batch, however, Omega had other ideas “to help” on this mission. The Batch infiltrated this Imperial base for intel and possible chain codes to steal. You volunteered to run after and bring her back.  Spotted by Imperial stormtroopers in a corridor, you and Omega try to lose them, but they are hot on your tail. Omega hears the Batch’s voices down a hallway and runs to them. 

You and Omega skid to a halt at the edge of a missing bridge while the rest of the Batchers are on the other side.  The precipice between is a several hundred story drop within the Imperial base. The group of stormtroopers rocked up behind you, guns lowered.  Hunter, Tech, and Wrecker looked on impotently across the chasm, weapons trained on the stormtroopers.  The Batch are poised, holding fire, trying to avoid any possibility of you and Omega getting caught in any crossfire. 

Unfortunately, you had not finished training with your Master. Your Master did not survive Order 66. You were SO CLOSE to obtaining Jedi status.  Now it was up to YOU to save yourself and Omega.  Being captured was not an option at this point.  Although, allowing the Empire to take you and Omega might allow time for the Batch to retreat safely to fight later.  That carried serious risks.  You were very limited in options as far as your Force abilities.  Master had not given you a light saber, remarking that the Force had a different path for you. 

The lead stormtrooper immediately grabbed you as a human shield, just as Wrecker let loose a shot from his blaster.  He intended to shoot the stormtrooper but hit you in the chest.  You slipped out of the stormtroopers grasp and off the edge of the bridge. You met Omega’s eyes as she called your name, while being dragged away by the same trooper.  As your body went into free fall down the chasm, you could hear your Batchmates scream, curse, and start blasting away.  

As consciousness slips from your body, you close your eyes.  The sense of falling disappears, but you expected that by eventually reaching terminal velocity from this height.  You open your eyes and are standing on an outstretched infinite path within an ever-expanding universe.  Before you is a HUGE hulking creature with glowing eyes. 

“What’s happening?  Where am I?”  You are simultaneously shocked, afraid, and unsure if this is all a dream. 

The creature stares down, sizing you up. 

“ In The World Between Worlds.” 

“Am I dead???” 

“No. It is not yet your time.  You are here to finish your training.” 

“My friends need my help!  I need to get back to them!!!” 

“You will return to help them; it is part of your training.” 

“Who are you?” 

“That matters not.  Only your path is of importance.  You cannot progress until your training is finished.  The lives within your care hang in the balance.  You and your group are linked together in that realm.  Your failure will be their failure...until you succeed.  Then you will be released from this realm to continue your path.” 

It feels like the creature is staring into your soul, “The point of entry is behind you.” 

You turn around to see...a doorway?  A dark threshold surrounded by cryptic symbols, suspended among stars.  

“Are you ready?” 

“No! I...” 

“Begin!” 

Your vision becomes a blur as you leave that place and return to where you were standing before falling off the platform.  The vertigo messes with your senses, and it all feels like you had a momentary hallucination.  Now back in this moment, you quickly spring into action. 

You yell “NO WRECKER” immediately and Wrecker stops in his tracks.  Hunter is sensing something, but unsure what it is.  The Stormtrooper grabs you as a shield.  A second trooper grabs Omega and drags her away.  Omega starts using swears that only Echo could come up with as she is taken.  The Batch stand with blasters trained on the stormtroopers in defense but not wanting to hit you in the crossfire.  The trooper violently puts a foot in your ass and kicks you off the platform, then commences to start firing on the Batch.  You free fall down the chasm and... 

...pass The World Between Worlds for a split second, and then appear back onto the platform.   

You try again. 

Omega is led away swearing up a storm while the stormtrooper is holding onto you.  Hunter calls to you, and in that moment, you sense the concern and love in his heart.  You also sense a dark presence in the Force, look up to the platform above and see Crosshair with his Firepuncher trained on you.  He was watching this exchange the whole time, waiting for the opportunity to shoot.  In his jealousy and anger, he fires, hitting you dead center between the eyes.  The very last thing you see is Cross grinning as he hears Hunter lose his shit. 

The fabric of the connected realms brushes past you. 

Again. 

You yank the stormtrooper into Crosshairs blaster bolt as his body is hit, he stumbles into Omega and both fall off the platform to their impending deaths.  The stormtrooper behind him, seeing the target they were looking to take is now gone, opens fire on you.  You fall off the platform. 

Again. 

Before the trooper can grab you, you grab Omega and jump off the platform into the chasm.  With any luck, you can use the force to stop yourselves before hitting bottom.  Unfortunately, you and Omega’s fall velocity was too much for your Force abilities.   

Again. 

You grab Omega but try to save only her.  As you fall past hundreds of platforms, you try to yeet her onto one as you fall.  You are falling too fast, and your throw was severely off.  You hear a sickening thud as she hits something. 

Again. 

You attempt to Force jump, and only make it just short of the other side.  You yeet Omega across the chasm towards the Batch, Hunter jumps for her from the other side, and she slips from his grasp.  You hear them both scream above you as you fall.  Fortunately, Tech and Wrecker send out their grappling cables and catch both.  Blaster fire starts from the stormtroopers.  Tech is hit, falls off the platform, and takes Omega with him since she is attached to his cable.   

Again. 

You Force jump again, Hunter jumps but misses Omega.  Knowing Wrecker will catch Hunter with his grappling hook, you send out a Force block in front of Tech. He is shielded from blaster fire, but Wrecker is hit by several bolts.  He falls off the platform taking Hunter with him.  You hear Wrecker's insanely terrified scream as you all fall.  Hunter sends out his grappling cable and it catches.  His fall is stopped, but Wrecker’s weight wrenches Hunters body horribly.  He screams out in agony as he feels muscles tear.  They are hanging and safe momentarily...or so it seems.  A shot is heard from Firepuncher and Hunters cable is severed.  Both Batchers scream as they fall. 

You try to hold onto the edges of the realm as you pass through, but it evades your grasp. 

Again. 

You grab the lead stormtroopers gun while he is still holding onto it and keep pushing his finger onto the trigger, you shoot him and several other imps.  You fire several shots towards Crosshair, preventing him from shooting at you.  However, one hotshot trooper in the back squeezes off and hits you right in the back fatally.  

Again.   

Same scenario, but you spin the trooper around and use him as a human shield and the hotshot misses you.  However, Crosshair blasts you at the base of your skull.  The last thing you see is Omega’s terrified expression as you fall onto the platform next to your teeth his shot loosened in the blast. 

AGAIN?

You are getting sick of playing this fucked up reset game already.  In your anger, you quickly grab the stormtrooper and throw his ass off the platform.  The Batch and Omega watch shocked at your anger.  The other stormtroopers are taken by surprise, as you advance on them and grab another.  Crosshair is attempting to aim, but you are moving too much. The hotshot trooper aims his weapon. You and the trooper in your grasp struggle violently. The hotshot cannot get a good clear shot.  Finally, he squeezes one off and misses you. However, he didn’t consider where Omega is standing, and she takes a direct hit. You hear your Batchmates scream in outrage. You scream in outrage. The hotshot screams in frustration, then double taps you and the trooper in your grasp in the head simultaneously. 

AGAIN??

You grab the stormtroopers gun while still in his hand and shoot yourself in the head.  You just want this exhausting mess to be over. 

AGAIN???

You fall onto the platform in a crumpled pile crying.  Stormtroopers AND Crosshair shoot you at the same time, resulting in a horrible, charred mess. 

AGAIN???

You scream bloody murder and obscenities at Crosshair.  He shoots you between the eyes. 

AGAIN! 

You jump off the edge of the platform screaming obscenities like a crazy person. 

Before reset, you see the expression on the creatures face.  He looks disappointed and replies, “You aren’t even trying.  Reach out beyond the boundaries of your realm” As you angrily try to spout off to him, you are thrown violently into the next reset. 

AGAIN!!!

Standing on the platform, you take a deep breath and survey the scene.  You mull over the creatures words.  Time seems to slow down: You sense the stormtroopers behind you, looking into each of eyes of the Batch; Hunter, Tech, Wrecker, up to Crosshair, finally resting on Omega.  You mouth, “Trust me” to her and she nods. 

Time suddenly slams into overdrive, and you instantly pivot to bearhug Omega.  The trooper misses your shoulder and grabs open air.  The shot from Crosshair’s Firepuncher, originally meant for you, hits the trooper right between the eyes and he falls off the platform.  You reach deep within the Force, grab the thin tether of this realm and open it wide.  You then realize you were only meant to grasp it at the start of your actions, not at the end.  You “push” through with the Force, taking Omega with you.  As you “slide” from one location to another, you pass the creature.  He nods as you pass from the world you left only a millisecond ago, through the timeless World Between Worlds. 

“Congratulations, Jedi!  Your training is complete.” 

You part the curtain to your world again, entering behind the Batch.  Hunter, before his eyes even register your disappearance on the opposite platform, senses a presence behind them.  His head whips around to see you and Omega are now out of harm's way.  His jaw drops inside his helmet.  Tech, seeing Hunters reaction, immediately spins around, his eyes are visibly dumbfounded “What?  How?”  Wrecker calmly looks behind him, seeing you and Omega there safely, doesn’t question.  He barks, “MUAHAHAHA!  YEAH!!!” and opens fire on all the befuddled stormtroopers standing on the opposite platform.   

With Wreckers cover fire, Hunter grabs Omega and runs down the hallway while yelling, “Let’s go!”  Tech runs past and grabs your hand.  He’s usually not touchy feely, but somewhere deep in his logical brain he understands that whatever happened saved your and Omega’s life.  All the quick calculations he was running in his brain logically ended in you both dying.  Wrecker is happily hopped up on blaster fire and the relief you are both safe.  He follows running behind. 

Crosshair is left on his sniper's roost.  He hasn’t EVER missed a target.  This was his first time. You were there one second and gone next to his surprise.  Stares down at all the dead troopers laying on the platform below, gnawing hard on his toothpick.  He’s angry...but intrigued.  Maybe instead of killing you outright next time, he can land a stunning blow.  The Empire might be VERY interested if he brought you in alive.  Cross sprints away down a shortcut. 

Your group reaches the end of the hallway and bursts out into the ship hangar bay.  A large battalion of stormtroopers meet you there, with guns aimed.  You all stop, out of breath, and possibly out of luck.  Echo swoops in with the Marauder hovering and laying down suppressive cannon fire.  Unfortunately, there are too many imps for him to dispatch while also landing successfully.  Hunter and Tech are furiously looking for a way out.   

You reach out with the Force and envelope Hunter, Tech, Wrecker, and Omega.  Before opening the fabric of this realm, you feel eyes on you.  Looking to a ledge several stories up, Crosshair meets your gaze.  You both stare intensely into each other.  Without even realizing it, you reach out and speak with the Force: 

“Why???” 

“Because...” Slight shock registering on Crosshair’s face “...I can.” 

“You’ll regret this someday...when you’re all alone.” 

“I already am.”  He’s angry and hurt.  There is nothing more you can say. 

You slide through, taking all the Batchers with you and suddenly appearing within the Marauder.   

Wrecker: “WHOA!” 

Tech: Speechless, wide eyed...and STILL holding your hand. 

Omega: Dizzy and winded. 

Hunter: Rips helmet off his head. His expression is wild eyed and looks like he saw some serious shit.  "What was that place? Who was that creature?” 

Echo:  Spins around in the pilot’s chair, eyes wide “WHAT THE FUCK!!!” 

You grin.  And watch the Batch trying to piece together their sudden location movement and glimpse of the creature between worlds. 

Giving the order to Echo you bark, “Let’s go, soldier!” 

He’s still sitting there with a shocked expression, then laser blasts pepper the ship, and he regains composure.  Echo flies the Marauder out of the Imperial facility, off the planet, scrambles the ships jump signature, and punches it into hyperspace. 

************************************************************************

Should I pursue certain plot points further and make this MORE than a one shot? What develops with Crosshair? Tech's hand holding awakening? Why was Hunter the only one to actually see the creature? Or whatever else you might want to explore? PLEASE message me or leave a comment! AND, PLEASE REBLOG! Thanks!!!

[dean-walker]

Dean raised his eyebrows at her as she seemed to ponder the idea of it, "You just let me know when the next Ricci family party is and I'll be there" he half joked, though he would've actually gone if she wanted him there. He didn't mind, he was the type of guest who commanded attention so he knew it would get her parents eyes off her for at least one evening. "I can answer questions, I don't mind" he smiled before nodding, "Oh yeah it'll be easy, because women love a man with a sense of humor" he said, pointing at himself. He was well aware that him being funny was one of the main reasons why people kept him around. Dean shook his head at her next statement, "No- no, you're wrong. I make my intentions very clear, I'm not leading anyone on" he said, which was at least true that he was always very honest about what he was looking for. Unfortunately, some women still did want more from him, but he never noticed when someone started liking him. "Hey now- I'm a switch, get that right" he corrected her jokingly, "And besides, I think everyone is attracted to assertive women. How could you not be?" he smiled, knowing that a majority of women in his life were head strong and independent.

Isla smacked her lips together, “Well, should I ever become that desperate—“ Which she kind of was, but she also knew he would be a man of his words with the threats he were making, “I hope you know they are going to bombard you with questions about marriage and how many kids you want.” At least that was what she was met with at the moment. That, and the reminder that her clock apparently was ticking. “You think it’d be easier than just being your normal charming self? Hm, I’ll make a note of that and consider it should I ever end up finding someone wanting to lock me down.” She chuckled while shaking her head in amusement. “You keep telling yourself that Dean, but I am sure at least some of those women are secretly hoping for more. And that being said; no. I am not one of them.” Wanting to make that clear. Raising a brow at him again, she shook her head. “Of course you do.” She spoke sarcastically. “I had a feeling you were a sub deep down.”

[kylorengarbagedump]

pretty please, i will bring kylo back to life for this

Okay, well, here you go. A chapter by chapter breakdown of Kylo’s feelings during the course of Fix Your Attitude. I did my best. Sorry this is so fucking long.

In Chapter 1, I think he’s genuinely just irritated by her. Annoyed that he hears her so constantly in his head. It’s fucking annoying because she’s a big-time complainer, and he’s a busy dude.

Chapter 3, similar issue. But, it’s growing from irritation to fury. Ren gets his wires crossed pretty easily at this point. I don’t think he recognizes this as attraction, but he senses her fascination with him and goes, eh, can use that to get control over the situation.

Chapter 4, seriously playing into that feeling. Her inability to respect him is driving him up the wall, a little bit, and the thought of making her shut up is growing more and more enticing. I think at this point, she’s on his mind rather frequently.

Chapter 5… man he just fucks her face Idk, feels good to make her shut the fuck up. There’s no affection here, I don’t think he feels any in the least.

Chapter 6, that entire distraction and the fire–I don’t think he feels bad at all, but he does enjoy her dedication to her job. I think that’s engaging to him.

Chapter 7, there some desire to chill out her rage–he’s been thinking about her on his dick constantly, at this point, but isn’t necessarily ready to just fuck the engineer who works on his ship, more so just hoping to control her. When she says, “You don’t know what you’re missing”–that’s very exciting for him, the confidence, the snark. I think that sparks a little affection.

Chapter 8, he’s jealous. I mean, he doesn’t recognize it as jealousy, but internally he has this unacknowledged desire to be important in her life–he isn’t aware of this, and wouldn’t have any idea how to make that happen other than demanding it, anyway.

Chapter 9 is all about making it Spacebook Official (get it) and banging it out. He’s like, cool, handled that, fucked her, it’s out of my system, I won’t need to worry about it in the future. Genuinely enjoys her company–so when she asks to spend more time with him, there’s that tiny little part of him that’s like, “I want that.” 

Chapter 10, more jealousy. Just getting control, because he can, because he has no way of understanding or communicating his attraction to this person.

Chapter 11, power and control, of course–he’s beginning to grow attached to what he hears in her head, not consciously, of course, but when she thinks, ugh, I wish I could see the ship take off, he’s like, she should see that. When she cries, it nags at him, which he fucking hates. He’s like well, her feelings are annoying, but she doesn’t have to sleep in a cot. She should be near me.

Chapter 12, he’s struggling deeply with this desire to know her better. He can’t figure out how to channel it other than sexually. It bugs the shit out of him. There’s just this constant, pulsing need in the back of his head to fuck this person.

Chapter 13, similar to above. As explored in Chapter 38, he is kind of blown away by what he feels, by her attachment to him. I think at this point she is the most persistent sexual relationship he’s had in a long-ass time. He allows himself to give in to that desire for warmth and affection. I mean, shit, he’s Kylo Ren. The light calls SOMETIMES, bitch.

Chapter 14, she straight up breaks his trust and he fucking loses it. The one time he extends himself with even the slightest vulnerability, it’s taken advantage of. But after he fucks her within an inch of her life, he feels some desire to make sure she’s at least alive. He can’t bring himself to care more than that, because, uh, betrayal, but. Y’know. 

Chapter 15, she apologizes, which kind of blows his mind, because I don’t think anyone in his life has ever apologized to him for anything that’s happened to him at this point. He sees her bruise, feels a little guilty for losing it on her. 

Chapter 16, the attachment to Sam is getting out of hand for him. He wants control over it, having absolutely no understanding of why she does not feel realistically beholden to him in any way, LOL. Like, excuse me, I get to fuck you, isn’t that enough? What other needs do you have?

Chapter 17, he wants to y’know, enjoy time with her, because again–genuine appreciation of her company–but she can’t stop crossing his boundaries and pissing him the fuck off. Despite that, he wants her around. She thinks, surely there’d been other women, and he’s like, yeah, of course, and she’s like, okay, so… why me? Well of course he doesn’t fucking know, he’s just like, “Idk bitch I like your pussy whatever.”

Chapter 19–explored in Chapter 38. she’s fucked Sam and he is completely fucking devastated. She has to literally spell it out for him that she requires more than just his dick. The choice between vulnerability (painful) and losing her (at this point, even more fucking painful) is made, so he opens up to her in his own way. I think he truly views her as a type of possession at this point, maybe like an actual pet–in that he feels strong attachment to her, but doesn’t process it as anything meaningful, he just knows he likes it and wants it and it feels good and that’s good enough. 

Chapter 21, he just expresses his desire to possess her completely–he wants power, he wants to be the only thing ever on her mind because only then he will feel secure and unthreatened. Disbelief that she will miss him. A flicker of tenderness, he snuffs it out.

Chapter 22, his fear regarding her sadness flies out of control, he restrains his need to escalate into sex because he for once, recognizes that will not fix the situation.

Chapter 23, once Snoke threatens to kill her, he does everything possible to prevent that. He is, of course, wretchedly anguished at the idea of not being able to be near her anymore (and essentially get what he wants, boohoo), but the thought of her being dead is even worse.

Chapter 25, already explored in Chapter 38. Self-explanatory anyway haha.

Chapter 26, he has a deep need to be humiliated and hurt by her because of how he feels about her and how he feels about himself. She is the perfect and only person capable of providing him with that release.

Chapter 27, there’s a lack of restraint, at this point. The trigger of her thoughts is too enticing for him. She is always on his mind, he can’t help himself. Reckless, bitch!

Chapter 28, he’s overwhelmed with hatred for himself as he fucks her–like, she gets him to a place where his emotions are more volatile, because of how he feels about her. So he kind of breaks down. Her company is comforting to him. Explored in 38.

Chapter 30, her insistence to be involved in his personal life is far too threatening to him. He feels like at his point he’s done enough, why the hell does he owe her what he’s doing with Rey & co? Totally oblivious.

Chapter 31, covered in 38.

Chapter 32, the reality of almost losing her for real has totally shook him to his core. He has cracked, at this point, is willing to surround her with what she is asking for, even if it is tremendously difficult for him. He really enjoys it, surprisingly, but it’s very foreign to him. I think at this point, he’s thinking she’s more than a possession, but still not on the level of partner. He just knows he needs her in his life.

Chapter 33, just… Idk they have fun together, man. They’re both little snarky bitches, they have a good time.

Chapter 34, explored in 38.

Chapter 36, Snoke has recognized how fucked up he’s been since separating from her, he’s like, fine, fuck her if it helps. Kylo does not understand what he’s feeling is love–he believes that because it strengthens him, it must be the opposite of. Overwhelmed with a desire to keep her because he cannot articulate this feeling, hence the violent sex. 

Chapter 38, self-explanatory.

[ghostietea]

Furuba autistic headcanons

With it being April, or autism acceptance month, I wanted to finally drop my list of characters from Fruits Basket that I read as autistic! This is based a lot on my own experience, as well as that of other autistics I know or have seen talk online. I hope some people can get something out of it, feel free to tell me what you think 😊, though please refrain from getting upset that I would dare suggest your fave is autistic.

Hanajima

Before becoming able to better control her powers, she would be constantly overwhelmed by the things she heard to the point that she couldn't even really go out in public. This reads a lot like sensory overload.

Constantly picked on in school because other kids thought she was weird. Eventually reclaimed this weirdness and turned it into a whole persona.

Seems to talk usually in a relatively flat tone.

Had trouble socializing with no friends outside her family until middleschool.

Has a very funny, dry sense of humor that I find very similar to a bunch of autistics I know, including myself.

Hatsuharu

Listen. You have seen the funky little man, you have seen the way he talks, the way he acts around others. He is, and I mean this in the best way, a weirdo. I do not know how you could look at him and see a neurotypical.

Once again, like Hana, Haru is funny in a way that feels very autistic.

Very flat, dry, tone delivery. Sometimes just Says Things that make everyone else go huh??? Suuuuper blunt. Doesn't emote facially a lot of the time.

When this man sees a social norm he doesn't get he WILL NOT follow it. Pierces his ears just because his hair got flak, defends Momiji wearing whatever he wants because sometimes y'know the social rules are just dumb and don't make sense. Especially dress codes.

Sometimes says things not befitting the current tone of the situation.

Represses (masks) a lot of his emotions, leading to outbursts that seem uncharacteristic.

His main childhood trauma revolves around adults branding him as "dumb" and ridiculing him. Haru, however, is super smart and wise!! Just in an offbeat way that not everyone may get.

Machi

Reads as very "flat" emotionally to the point that others would call her boring. Also has a flat vocal delivery.

Relies on specific habits or ways of doing things or else she gets super upset (her hatred of imperfection.

Has trauma surrounding adults completely misconstruing her intentions and thinking she's doing something malicious when she's not.

Generally behaves in a way that's hard for others to understand, one of her formative moments with Yuki was him saying he wanted to "see how the world looks" through her eyes.

Once again, trouble socializing.

Tries super hard to please her parents but in the end they still see her as somehow inherently "defective."

Listen. A lot of this one and the last two are mostly vibes, hard to verbally define. You just have to look at them and trust me.

Tohru

Displays behavior very reminiscent of masking throughout the story, a huge part of her arc is about how she hides a lot of herself and has a very controlled persona. I think it would fit very well if she had other autistic behaviors that she suppresed also it helps explain why she is relatively socially adept, it's learned behavior to make people like her more.

Yes she is very good at saying what others need to hear, but especially early on she is pretty blatantly imitating her mother's words. She only gets better at getting through on a more personal level later on (see her with Rin and Akito v. early series Tohru). She does this by relating her own experiences, a very autistic way of showing empathy that often gets us written off as self centered. The way she relays things her mom said could also be seen as this, and she even worries at a few points that she's being insensitive for going on about things like that.

While emotionally repressed she is hyper empathetic and feels other's emotions so strongly she cries.

Her speech patterns are all imitated from her father and she often copies verbal things from others (see Ritchan-san). Noted in canon that people think her way of speaking is slightly off/not befitting of someone her age. Additionally, her father was polite more sarcastically, while she plays it straight and sometimes takes things very literally or fails to get the message, indicating trouble with reading tone. Has numerous strange verbal tics, including saying parts of her internal monologue out loud without context.

Very expressive with her hands including waving them around and flapping them up and down.

Does have a bit of trouble with accidental insensitivity in social interactions, like how she constantly fixates on her mom and realizes that might bug the Sohma.

Has trouble paying attention in school since it doesn't have much to do with her interests

Her only friend until she was a middle schooler was her mom

Has a pretty unique outlook on things compared to others, people seem to think she's pretty eccentric. There's always a "this girl is nice but in an odd way, she's our weirdo and we love her" vibe.

Sometimes has an "inappropriate" emotional response to situations

Has a lot of trouble with change, similar to Akito. Which oh, look at the time, next hc coming up.

But first, a disclaimer. It is cathartic for me to read Akito this way, but with that reading comes the baggage that she would, mayhaps, be showing a more negative side of things... It doesn't bother me since it's a joint hc with other characters and she does develop at the end but yeah, general villain hc baggage. This is in no way me trying to excuse her being The Worst being autistic doesn't absolve you of being able to do wrong . Also, a lot of these points can and do have other explanations related to her upbringing, but things can be for more than 1 reason. With that said, she really strongly comes off as autistic to me, in a way that's sorta hard to explain. I wrote a lot more for her than the other, both because I felt I needed more to convince people and that this headcanon was more sensitive and I needed to be careful in my explanation. Also hey! She's my special interest within a special interest.

Akito

Shown to have a dislike of summer weather due to heat and brightness, could be due to sensory issues in tandem with sickness things. Also covers her ears when people raise their voice sometimes which is partially her trying to shut down opposition but also 🤔 can read a different way. She'd also avoids louder Juuni like Ritsu and Ayame because she can't handle them.

Wears pretty much the same outfit every single day. Said outfit is also pretty loose fitting.

Always seen sitting in a pretty unconventional way. Evidence:

Of course this is also the isolated in a cult thing and there is a level of her purposefully doing things to intimidate but: doesn't follow a lot of social rules (overly touchy with strangers, legit doesn't get that what she's doing is wrong, ect.). Repeatedly confused when people indicate she should act otherwise without explanation. Has a breakdown when this comes to a head and approximately says that "they" shouldn't expect her to know "common sense" if "they" never explained it to her, that the way that she was was her "common sense."

Often talks in a way uncharacteristic of her age when shown as a child in a more faux mature/pretentious way. Might just be the translation and idk how to explain it but her speech as an adult also seems off from what one would normally use in conversation. Additionally, when she tries to fake being friendly in her intro chapter, it comes of as extremely stiff and unconvincing.

Generally displays behavior that could be thought of as childish as an adult, but a lot of this behavior could also read as autistic (covering ears, emotional deregulation and meltdowns, ignorance of basic social norms, ect.). It's also important to note that she knows that this behavior makes her seem younger and more helpless to the older zodiac and uses it as a manipulation tactic. Has issues regarding people treating her like a child or only hanging out with her because of pity. While she does weaponize it, we can tell that this grates on her, as seen with her finally blowing up on Kureno, which is partially triggered by the maids saying some sorta infantalizing stuff about her. Irl, a lot of autistic adults and teens struggle with being infantalized for our behavior generally or treated as little babies that can do no wrong. Even in fandom, you see people doing stuff like jumping to call autistic adult characters, such as Entrapta from Shera, "minor coded." It is also common for us to have at least one bad experience with someone hanging around us out of pity. This is something that really gave me a similar feeling in Akito's arc. She's not a baby and she can understand and do better if she is given the chance to learn and break from all the freaky cult indoctrination she's been subjected to instead of just being constantly enabled. In the end, a lot of her growth is represented by her showing that she is capable of changing and being independent.

Shows particular difficulty with socialization, often sits by herself spacing out at social events. A lot of her fear is rooted in the fact that she doesn't know how normal relationships work, becoming overly reliant on the curse because she doesn't know how to make friends.

Clings desperately onto the notion of being "special" and in some way superior to others to be worthy and to make up for perceived inherent "flaws." It's the nd gifted kid burnout vibes for me.

Easily bothered by things that don't bother others. Feels emotions very strongly to the point of getting physically ill and has bad emotional regulation.

Relatively good at reading others in an analytical sense (though has more trouble when it comes to seeing how they feel about her since she's wildly delusional) but brings up her observations in a very cold, detached way and hurts people even on the rare occasion she didn't mean to. Has extreme trouble connecting to others and understanding their point of view. This makes her come off as pretty unempathetic even though that might not fully be the case. Also thinks that people like Momiji are trying to look down on her when they try to empathize with her. A lot of why Tohru can get through to her is that she manages to convince Akito that she's not condescending by relating shared traits and experiences. As I said earlier, autistics often empathize by sharing their own experiences with someone, and I know I often have an easier time confiding in other autistics because of a fear of being seen as lesser by those that don't understand me. I think the connection between these charachters and the way that Tohru manages to reach Akito like that while others couldn't makes a lot of sense through an autistic lense!

Additionally, when Akito herself gets around to trying to help others instead of just projecting trauma, she tries to reach out to the old maid by relating back to her own experiences. This however, doesn't work.

Has "cold" emotional reactions sometimes even to things that do make her upset. For example, how sort of calm and detached she acted after her father's death can make her seem uncaring. However, we know that this event did mess her up a lot and she is still (poorly) dealing with a lot of grief from the death of her father years later.

Copies mannerisms from others, the most blatant example is with Ren, who she directly parrots lines from as a child to Yuki.

Partly just her posturing, but gestures a lot with her hands when she talks. Also seen several times clutching her hands in her hair.

Deals extremely poorly with the idea of things changing to the point that it is a driving force of the story.

Does not understand when people tease her.

Ect. Ect. Ect. Listen, I could go on for ages but just trust me, the mean gremlin lady is autistic.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Spring 2021 anime overview: Quick Takes

Now for my Spring 2021 anime thoughts! I’ve decided from now on if a season’s like, 20- to-24 episodes I’m just going to wait ‘til it’s done to review it unless I feels super passionately, so though I watched To Your Eternity (it’s good!) and MHA (eh), I’ll comment on them next time. Also, for the record, I watched the first eight eps of Joran: Princess and Snow of Blood but I dropped it because it had clearly crossed the line from entertainingly dumb to boring dumb. 

I will probably give Supercub and some other stuff a shot later, this was a stacked season! May give updates on all that later, but this is what I have for now.

ODDTAXI

Quick Summary: A mild mannered middle-aged walrus taxi driver is drawn into a case involving a missing girl, yakuza, Youtube clout-chasers, manzai comedians and idols with big secrets.

It’s rare to walk away from media and be like “that is a singular experience I will definitely never see repeated again” but ODDTAXI is definitely one of those. A tense noir thriller murder mystery starring cartoon animals that spends an entire episode detailing the one (cat)man’s very fall into darkness triggered by addiction to gacha games and an online auction for a novelty eraser? Also there’s a porcupine Yakuza who speaks entirely in rap? Also there’s tons of meandering conversations about stuff like manzai comedy and the struggle to go viral on Twitter?

Admittedly, I had a hard time getting into the first episode, the dry meandering humor not being enough to hold my attention while I was sitting still, but once I watched this while I was working out at the end of the season, I found it an easy binge. A ton of characters with dark secrets or dangerous ambitions, each with their own part to play in a tableau of intersecting events- and it all actually comes together really well.(As for the female characters, it’s a pretty dude driven story, but they do get nuanced characterization and even some good heroic moments from one of them.)

 It’s a great example of a carefully planned narrative paying off, with all the twists appropriately seeded and foreshadowed to reward viewers who paid attention. Even when it ended on a perfect “OH SHIT” moment and denied me closure, I couldn’t help but respect it. If you that all sounds interesting to you, definitely check out the first couple episodes and see if you like it- you’re likely to have a memorable, satisfying experience!

Shadows House

Quick Summary: Emilyko is a ‘living doll’ who’s told she was created to act as the ‘face’ of her shadow master, Kate. The shadows and their ‘dolls’ all reside on the mansion and are required to pass a ‘debut’ to prove they’re a good pairing. If they don’t pass, they might be disposed of. And so the mystery of the Shadow mansion grows...

This slice of gothic intrigue was my favorite of the season, tied with ODDTAXI. With an interesting premise, slightly tense undertones and a strong focus on character building and relationships, it kept me hooked the whole way through. And for any squeamish fans put off by the hype about it, don’t worry, while there are some suspenseful elements, I wouldn’t qualify it as horror. I thought the relationship between Kate and Emilyko might end up being a completely sinister one, but it’s thankfully a lot more complex than that and it’s really interesting to follow how both their characters and relationship grow. The focus of the show is, unsurprisingly, on the “dolls” slowly discovering their autonomy and personhood as they struggle under the rigid system imposed on them by the mysterious elders of this weird Victorian mansion. Can they develop a more equitable relationship with their shadow “masters” (who are also shown to suffer under this system)? There’s a lot to dig into there, and the show has the characters develop through learning to understand and appreciate each other, which is pretty heartwarming. Our hero, Emilyko, is the typical plucky ball of sunshine (they even nickname her sunshine), but she’s also shown to be clever in her own off-the-wall way and she bounces off the far more subdued and cynical Kate well, not to mention the other ‘dolls’ she ends up befriending. 

What’s more, the show spends plenty of time to developing several other character pairings and combinations, and they all have their own interesting dynamic that makes you want to see more of them. Same-gender bonds are at the forefront of this show, and many of them are ripe for queer readings (I definitely appreciated the healthy helping of ladies carrying ladies), but even outside that it’s nice to see a show where a strong, complex bond between girls is at the forefront. My only real complaints about the show are the anime original ending is noticeably a bit rushed (though it’s not too bad, and leaves room for a season 2) and I wish the animation used the whole “shadow” theme more strikingly (like the opening and endings do)- instead the colors are a bit washed out which makes the shadows blend into the background sometimes. The “debut” arc also drags a bit in places, but it makes up for it by having a lot of good character integration.

I hope to check out the (full color)! manga soon and see more of this quirky, shadowy story. There’s some physical abuse depicted, sad things happening to characters and naturally the whole “oppressive familial system” thing, but otherwise not much I can think of to warn about. I give this one a big rec, especially If you’re a fan of gothic fairytales and stories of self discovery.  

Zombie Land Saga Revenge

Quickest summary: In this sequel season, everyone’s favorite zombie idol group must claw their way back into prominence after a disastrous show- the fate of the Saga prefecture LITERALLY depends on it!

This was a fun follow-up to the first season- if you liked the first zombie-girl romp, you’ll probably enjoy this one. In fact, there were a couple areas it improved on- namely, Kotaro failed, ate crow and embarrassed himself a lot more this season, which made him more likeable (as did the fact the girls gained a lot of independence from him). This season also shed more light on what the ‘goal’ of this zombie raising project is and what kind of shit Kotaro got involved with to make this happen, and it’s appropriately off-the-wall and ridiculous. We finally got some backstory for Yugiri too! I wish it had focused on more of her interiority, but she got to be a badass in it, and it was a treat to see this zombie idol show turn into a period piece for a couple episodes (also her song ruled).

 Tae also got a cute focus episode and there was a particular SMASHING performance early on! Also That revelation last season that had the potential to turn creepy hasn’t yet, and hopefully never will. The finale was heartwarming with big hints of more drama to come- I’m definitely down for more zombie hijinks!

Vivy: Flourite Eye’s Song

Quickest Summary: A songstress AI named DIVA (nicknamed Vivy) is approached by another AI named Matsumoto, who says he’s from the future and they must work together to prevent AI exterminating all of humankind 100 years from now.

This show is absolutely gorgeous visually with some really nice action scenes, but when it comes to the story my feelings basically amount to a shrug. It’s fine! I guess! Vivy starts out as an interesting layered character- and I guess still is by the end- with her stoic but stubborn determination bouncing off her fast-talking bossy partner Matsumoto well. She never listens to him, which is delightful. The way the show took place over the course of 100 years was an interesting conceit as well. However, it bought up a lot of themes and then sort of... dropped them. For instance, Vivy interprets her mission (PRIME DIRECTIVE if you will) as protecting humans at all costs, no matter how destructive said humans are or what their fate is supposed to be, and is perfectly willing to murder her fellow androids to do this, showing she inherently thinks of androids (herself and her own people!) as less worthy. Which is a little alarming! There’s a very dramatic point in the show where they bring this up as a potential conflict for her character but then it’s sort of...dropped. Pretty much.

Actually, despite the premise, the show doesn’t dip into the “AI rights” as much as you think it would with the main theme being more about Vivy’s search to find her own creativity and discover what it means to ‘pour your heart into something’. Vivy herself doesn’t actually care if she has rights or anything. Which is in some ways fine, because ‘AI as an oppressed class’ has been done to death, but IT’S ALSO KIND OF IN THE PREMISE, so that means that the show just shrugs really hard at a lot of the questions it brings up  basically just going “humans and AI should work together probably” and that’s it. There’s a lot that feels underexplored. The antagonists in the show also either have motivations that don’t really make sense or have boring hackneyed motivations. In the finale in particular, it feels like a lot of things happen “just because” and it falls a little flat.

I also have to warn that one of the arcs focus on a robot ‘pairing’ where the dude-coded robots actions toward his partner are straight up awful and rob her of her autonomy, but it’s played like a tragic love story. I suppose you could read it differently too, but it definitely made me go ‘ew’ the story seemed to want me to sympathize with this robo dude,

Overall, I wouldn’t anti-recommend this show, it’s an all right little sci-fic romp (and definitely SUPER pretty). My favorite element was definitely the episodes where Vivy develops an entirely new (an loveable) personality, because it played with the idea of of an AI getting “rebooted” really well and interplay between her two “selves” was done really well. But there are a lot of other parts of the show that just feel...a little underexplored and empty, making me have an ‘eh’ feeling on the show overall. It’s definitely an ambitious project, and while it didn’t quite stick the landing, there’s something to be said for a show that shoots for the stars and falls short over a show that just languishes in mediocrity.

Fruits Basket The Final

Quick summary: The final season of that dramatic drama about that weird family with a zodiac curse and the girl who loves them.

It’s very weird that after not cutting a lot out, they kinda sped through some material for, you know, the finale. I guess they thought they couldn’t stretch this final arc to 26 episodes? Or weren’t cleared for another double cour? However, though there were a couple places that felt awkward, despite being a bit condensed it mostly held together pretty well for a D R A M A T I C and ultimately heartwarming conclusion. I was really disappointed they kept the part where Ritsu cut their hair for the ‘happy ending’, I thought  their intro episode not showing them in men’s clothes meant the anime had decided their presentation didn’t need to be “fixed” but WELL I GUESS NOT. That was the only big upset for me though, otherwise the adaptation went about how I expected, sticking to the source material. Furuba has a lot of bumps, from weird age gap stuff to ...gender, but it also has a lot of important feels and great character arcs. It was a gateway shoujo for many and has its important place in animanga history, so I’m glad it finally got a shiny, full adaptation.

[rhysismydaddy]

Unholy Matrimony Pt. 5 (Nessian)

Damnation Series

Parts 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 

____________________________________________________________

~Cassian~

A week later, I’m exceptionally proud to say I haven’t given in yet. No matter how much I want to.

Tensions the past seven days have been... high, to say the least.

Both of us are doing our absolute best to drive the other insane.

She’s doing it so I either sign the deed and give in or turn to someone else, both which would give her Sera back.

I’m doing it because if I have to suffer, she can bet her pretty ass she does, too.

Ironically, tonight’s our engagement party. A celebration of our undying love and an announcement to the world the Russians and Italians of New York should no longer hate and murder each other.  

They’re allowed to be sexually frustrated as hell, but no, they can’t kill each other.

I’m waiting for the little minx who’s spent the week making me regret ever even asking for the club, drinking bourbon so I’m too drunk to even be tempted by her--which is likely enough to kill me--when she finally deigns to grace me with her presence.

I take one look at her, starting at the high blonde ponytail that would wrap around my fist at least twice and ending at the very high, very red shoes I immediately want by my shoulders.

“Fuck.”

Obviously the reaction she was looking for, she smiles.

Her dress is a cream color thing that clings to her curves and is short enough to showcase her long legs. It’s somehow classy, while low enough to draw my eyes to her breasts as she comes down the stairs towards me.

Nesta stops right before me, close enough I smell the jasmine and vanilla of her skin, and looks at me through her lashes.

I turn my gaze to the ceiling, vowing to keep it there until I trust myself to not do something stupid like tell her she’s the most stunning thing I’ve ever seen.

“I’m so fucked,” I mutter hopelessly.

If possible, she comes closer, sliding all the interesting, female parts of her against me. “You would be if you just gave me back my shit.”

I glare down at her. “I don’t like to lose.”

“Would you really be losing?”

I keep my mouth shut, because the answer to that question is a big fat no. God, she’s good.

“Tell me again why you refuse to put us out of our misery?” I ask in return, trying to remind myself who the fuck I am.

Even though I wonder if it is our misery. I can’t read her, can’t tell if this is affecting her like it is me.

She gives me a cold look. “What do you see happening after we get married, exactly? You think you’ll work a few hours at the club I spent three years building from the ground up, come home and eat a home cooked meal, then fuck your complacent little wife however you want?”

I have no idea what to say, because when she puts it like that, I sound like the biggest douche in the world.

Nesta sees the hesitation in my eyes and rolls hers. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I allow you to disrespect me like that, stronzo.”

“I respect you,” I say immediately, meaning the words.

“Just not enough to value my career.”

“Nesta-”

“Deal with it. If you somehow keep the board from voting you out in the next two weeks and manage to not sleep with me--which is unlikely, considering the way you look at me--the club will be yours.” She takes a step back, steeling her spin. “But I will not.”

I’m conflicted as hell, torn between wondering if she’s just playing me or being sincere.

Apparently done with the verbal smackdown, Nesta spins towards the door.

Hand on the handle, she turns back around and cocks her head. And then she answers the questions I hadn’t realized I’d been too scared to ask.

“No and yes.”

My brows raise. “What?”

“No, it hasn’t all been just me trying to mess with you. Yes, I want you as much as you want me. But I respect myself too much to allow someone who blazes into my life and steals something from me without a care or even a real negotiation to have my body, too.”

She walks out the door, leaving me standing in the living room stunned.

I eventually follower her down to the garage and we leave for the party Rhys is hosting for us downtown. But even though I go through the motions once we arrive, my mind is on the woman next to me the entire night.

I hate admitting it, but she’s right.

I took something that belonged to her, didn’t even question talking to her first, then acted like she was in the wrong for doing whatever she could to get it back.

I’ve said I like how strong and independent she is, but I tried to take that independence and turn her into something else. I bulldozed my way into her life, then acted like I was the one inconvenienced by it.

And seriously, why am I even fighting for this place? Yeah, I like it and think it’s unique, but the place is above board. Which to me translates as boring.

The past two weeks, I’ve had to go to investment meetings, deal with sending out the nightly invitations for entrance, and plan events for upcoming holidays. Things I never do with my other properties.

I hate managing things--I hire people to do that kind of thing for me. But I know I can’t hire someone, because who the hell besides my fiancé would do the job right?

No one.

I realize that on the drive home, and it gets me thinking. By the time we’re inside the apartment, I’m already mentally finalizing the details.

I tell her I have to take care of something, go to my office, and close the door.

Then I pull up the marriage contract, along with the deed to Sera, and hit print.

~Nesta~

A week after our engagement party, I realized I’ve started to lose hope.

Cassian’s managed to wrangle or bribe or threaten the board into not voting him out, and the employees have stopped calling me to ask when I’m coming back. He hasn’t touched me or tried to seduce me in six days--probably a record for him--and I start to feel like I’ve lost.

My club will be his in a week, and after we’re married, only him signing the deed over will get it back. Something that will never happen, considering it’d be a serious hit to his pride to do something as weak as give me what’s rightfully mine.

My club will be his, but like I said, I won’t.

Which honestly is just as upsetting.

Even though he’s a stubborn, boneheaded stronzo with a big enough ego for us both, it’s hard for me to overlook the moments of the past three weeks that haven’t revolved around Sera.

Little moments that have made it harder for me to pull away from him.

He’s made me laugh more than anyone I’ve ever met, whether with his foul sense of humor or stories about his violent, wild childhood. He stopped leaving the toilet seat up when I pointed it out. He hasn’t said a word about me ordering take-out all the time or working in bed while he tries to sleep.

He even dealt with one of Alexei’s buyers for me when they tried to renegotiate the price originally agreed upon.

And he hasn’t really pressed the celibacy thing. Sure, he’s complained about it enough for me to want to smack him, but I don’t know any other Made Men, Russian or Italian, that would’ve respected my wish after how much I’ve teased him.

If he would just-

I cut that train of thought off and focus on the report in front of me, because at this point, it’s obvious he won’t.

I sip my wine, which is starting to grow on me, and look over shipment records from one of Alexei’s yards, flagging crates that need to be smuggled instead of brought in through the main channels. Repressing a groan at the thought, I realize I’ll have to go down one night this week and make sure they arrive without problem.

I take another long pull from my glass.

“Drinking to forget?” Cassian asks, leaning in the doorway of the bedroom and looking me over.

I shrug, not much in the mood for banter.

“I got you something.”

Sighing, I reply, “Yeah, me too. It’s on the nightstand.”

His brow furrows as he walks over and picks up the ring box, opening it to look at the titanium band inside.

Just another symbol of our lifelong, happy, sexless marriage.

He puts the ring back in the box and extends a hand. “It isn’t a ring.”

“What is it?”

“Get your ass out of bed and find out.”

I would, except I don’t want to. And I don’t really want whatever stupid, materialistic thing he’s bought me-

He closes my laptop and pulls the cover back, ducking when I swing a fist towards his head. “Violent little wolf,” he teases.

“Stop calling me that,” I demand, trying in vain to keep the blanket on me so he can’t tell I’m not wearing anything underneath the t-shirt I stole from him.

He pauses, sighs, and scoops me up, blanket and all. “I love watching you fight how much you love me calling you that.”

“I don’t have to fight anything except he overwhelming urge to smack you.”

Cassian just huffs, walking us out of the room, through the living room, and into his office. Then he puts me down, smacks my butt to get me moving, and grunts when I elbow him in the ribs.

“Maybe this will fix your bad mood,” he mutters, flipping the light switch on and bathing the office in golden light.

I take an involuntary step forward, eyebrows going high on my forehead.

I’ve only been in here once before, just long enough to notice the obnoxiously big desk and wall of windows behind it. I’d taken in the black leather couch and wing-backed chairs, determined it was a typical male office for a typical male, and vowed to work somewhere else.

But that was a while ago, and it’s obvious he’s done some home improvement.

There are decidedly now two desks in the corners near the windows, angled in to the middle of the room where two cream-colored leather chairs sit. The desks are identical, mahogany and classic without being ostentatious.

A rug covers the hardwood floors, a deep maroon color that matches small details throughout the room.

It’s beautiful.

Cassian leads me with his hands on my shoulders to one of the desks, and I let him guide me around to the chair and push me down in the soft leather.

I look up to ask him what this is about, but he jerks his chin to the desk where to two papers lie.

One is the deed to Sera.

A rush of surprise goes through me as I see he’s transferred the building back over to me, even going so far as to deem the process irreversible. It’s signed and dated a week ago, the night of our engagement party.

My eyes are shiny as I look at the other document and read through it.

“What is this?”

“A partnership, of sorts,” Cassian explains, leaning a hip on the- my desk like he did in his Capo’s office. “You’re now a partner at my businesses, and if you sign, I’ll be yours.”

My eyes find his, and I see that he’s serious but still choke out, “What?”

He smiles and shrugs, like signing over half of your life’s work is easy. “You had me pegged when you first saw me and figured out I’m a fighter. I hate everything about running a business except the in-person negotiating and knitty gritty shit. It’s boring to me, and while I can do it, I’m not nearly as good at it as you are.”

“Cassian-”

“So run them both. I’ll do the day to day shit I know you hate, and you’ll do the rest.”

I can’t hardly process what he’s saying.

“What if we disagree?” It’s a valid question, considering we’ve basically been fighting the entire time we’ve been engaged.

“We talk about it and try to figure it out. And if we can’t, the original owner has the final call and veto power in all situations.” His eyes say he knows how important it is to me as he says, “You’ll still be in control of your property, and I’ll still be in control of mine.”

I don’t know why I’m still asking questions, because it sounds great, but there’s one more thing I want to know.

“Why?”

He sighs, sitting on the desk fully and looking down at me with open, honest eyes. “Because I’m tired of doing this shit alone. I’m tired of going to work and dealing with every single thing and then coming home and having no one who understands.”

He looks out the window, shoulders tight. “I thought you’d be like my friends’ wives, which is why I was such an ass. I thought you’d be just another thing for me to take care of, and I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to realize you could be my partner, not just my wife.”

His eyes are back on mine, the heat in them making my heart pound. “I’m sorry, Nesta. I’m sorry I stole Sera in the first place, then refused to hear you out and give it back. I have a tendency to be a little stubborn.”

My lips twitch, and his eyes soften at the sight.

“But what you said about respecting yourself stuck. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t respect you, because I do. You’re smarter than me, cool when I’m rash, and have the mind for business I never have.” He smiles softly. “I know you’re just as alone as me, and just as tired of it. So say yes.”

I feel a smile on my face as I get to my feet, moving to stand between his thighs. “Are you just doing this so I’ll sleep with you?”

He sighs, dropping his head in shame to rest against my chest. “You caught me.”

My arms wrap around his shoulders, his going around my waist, and I use the opportunity to play in his hair. It’s so soft and curly, and he makes a content sound as I run my hands through it.

“Are you saying yes, little wolf?” he murmurs against my collarbone, dropping his head to rub his face across my breasts.

I roll and tug his hair to keep the randy bastard away. “Yes, pervert, I’m saying yes.”

Cassian smiles a big, goofy smile so ridiculously charming I lean in and kiss him.

His hands lock at my waist, resting on the curve of my back, and for a moment, he just lets me kiss him.

It isn’t our first kiss by any means, but it’s the first one where neither of us have ulterior motives, so I take my time.

I kiss his top lip, his bottom lip. Find I like them both equally.

My hands work across his shoulders, the thick muscles contracting under my hands, and I sigh his name.

Cassian’s hands fist in the fabric of my pajamas--which happen to still be his shirt--and draws me closer. He kisses my neck, inhaling deeply.

“You smell so fucking good,” he mutters, biting down softly and making me gasp. “It drives me crazy.”

His hands slip to the back of my thighs, then I’m on his lap, knees on the desk next to his hips. “You drive me crazy,” he clarifies.

He kisses me again, hands sliding up my thighs to my ass to grind me against him. Callouses scrape against my skin as he sweeps the shirt off and tosses it behind me.

“Shit,” he murmurs, eyes dropping to take me in.

The fact that he’s still fully dressed while I’m in nothing but my underwear makes me feel even more exposed, doing strange things to my mind. I start unbuttoning his shirt while he kisses down my chest.

He teases one with his hand while he takes the other in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the peak. I squirm, pressing my hips more fully against is, but he holds me still, kissing and teasing me until I can’t take it anymore.

“Cassian,” I murmur, tugging his hair to pull his gaze to mine. “Thank you for the desk. I love it.”

His brows furrow, and I can see him start to think about how much I’ve teased him, but before he can worry that’s what I’m doing, I whisper, “Now fuck me on it. Please.”

A muscle in his jaw flickers, and his fingers dig into the flesh of my hips.

Before I can say another word, he stands and spins us around, sliding me on the desk. He holds my thighs around his hips, and then an idea seems to dawn.

“Wait right here.”

“Seriously?” I ask, even though he’s already half-way out of the room.

“Don’t you dare fucking move!” is the shouted response.

I roll my eyes, but he’s back quickly, holding the red stilettos I wore to our engagement party. I howl with laughter, and a faint blush colors his cheeks, but he stays firm in his desire and puts them on the floor beside my feet.

Then he leans against the window and watches while I slip them on.

His golden eyes blaze as I lean back on my elbows and slowly spread my thighs, in nothing but lace panties and heels.

“I’ll buy you all the desks you want, if you sit on them like that.”

Laughter bubbles out of me, and he’s suddenly on me, leaning over me to kiss me in a frenzy.

I rip his shirt open, and he doesn’t even break the kiss as he throws it to the floor. I hear the telltale clink of a belt, and then he stands up to slide my panties down, grab my legs, and guide them up.

I feel him brush over the center of me, instinctively lifting my hips to give him a better angle.

But he doesn’t give me what I want.

Cassian just stands there, gaze gliding from the hells on his shoulders to the apex of my thighs.

“Hold that thought,” he mutters, dropping to his knees and putting his mouth on me before I can even blink.

My back leaves the desk, a gasp escaping me.

“Cassian.”

“I want you to come on my tongue, then you get to come on my cock.”

“Cassian.”

He hums, the sensation sending shivers down my spin. He kisses me like he’s doing it for him, not me, mouth on every part of me it can reach.

I can see the lines of his tattoos on his shoulders, the top of his curly hair. It’s too much to handle, so I just lay back down on the desk and throw my hands above my head to hold on to the edge of the desk.

The only time he stops is to tell me things that apparently can’t wait five minutes, but I don’t even care because every word out of that sinful mouth makes me burn hotter.

“Come for me,” he demands breathlessly a few minutes later.

“Don’t boss me around,” I groan, even as I do exactly what he wants.

He lets me ride it out, dropping kisses to my thighs and stomach and hips.

As soon as I catch my breath, he’s on his feet, putting me in the exact position I was in earlier.

And then he’s pushing inside me, and I honestly almost come again from the feel alone. “Thank God,” I groan, the past three reminding me of the misery teasing him put me through.

“Fucking hell, you’re perfect.”

Hands on my thighs, he holds me in place as he starts to move. But as he picks up speed, going harder with each thrust, his hands have to slip to my thighs to keep me still.

I say his name, sounding like I’m begging him for something, and he groans. His head’s thrown back, bare skin shining and making him look likesome sort of beautiful devil.

“Hurry up, little wolf,” he almost pleads.

The sound of that stupid fucking nickname does me in, and I come with a loud moan. I would’ve kicked him in the head if he hadn’t immediately dropped down on top of me to kiss me without abandon.

His hips still but he keeps kissing me until he has to break for air.

I’m boneless and limp beneath him, and he looks me over with male satisfaction.

Then his mouth drops open, betrayal in his eyes, and he says, “I just realized you didn’t speak even French! All these weeks of me fucking fantasizing about that... well, I guess we’ll just have to do it again.”

“Accorde moi un instant,” I pant in French, asking for a moment.

He grins down at me. “Take your time. We have a lifetime.”

My lips twitch, and I don’t stifle the urge to smile.

I’m about to say something, but then his expression turns serious. “You realize I have to fuck you on my desk now. Equality and whatnot.”

I laugh and pull his mouth to mine. “As long as you know I’m still not giving you my side of the bed.”

He tugs on my bottom lip with his teeth. “We can share.”

~

We get married seven days later, surrounded by a crowd of family, dirty politicians, thieves, drug and arms dealers, and friends.

In the past week, we’ve solidified our business model to a thing of perfection. I handle public relations, real estate and development, and negotiations for the shipping business. Cassian handles both the Bratva and Cosa Nostra soldiers in New York, training new recruits, drug distribution, and negotiations for the arms business.

Basically, I do what I’m good at, and he does what he’s good at.

I know it’s ridiculous to trust someone with half my business after only a month of knowing them, but like Cassian said, I was tired of doing this shit alone.

I’d been dreading the future, dreading taking over and doing everything myself. And now I don’t have to.

I have him to lean on, him to trust.

Looking up, I notice him watching me as we dance, not at all paying attention to the crowd. “What are you thinking about, little wolf?”

“I’m thinking how I thought of this marriage as nothing but an alliance at first. I guess it still is that, but... it’s also more.” He spins us around to the music, watching me with a knowing expression. “You’re more to me than that. And I’m... I’m happy. Working with you and the thought of our future makes me happy.”

He smiles. 

“You love me,” he states with quiet confidence. 

My heart starts pounding, because I’ve never told a living person that before. 

But it’s never been true before, and it is now, so I respond steadily, “I do.”

“I love you, too, Nesta Orlov. Have since the moment I saw you.” He sounds so relaxed about it, the words falling from his lips so easily.

“Doesn’t it scare you?” I ask, not understanding how he’s the calm one all of a sudden. 

“Anything you love something, there’s the risk you could lose it or it could hurt you.” Cassian brushes a thumb over my cheek. “But I could never be scared to love you.”

I shake my head and start to say something, but he cuts me off. 

“Every morning, when you wake up, there’s this little moment where you look around, confused. And then you look at me, and that hesitation in your eyes just... melts.” He dips me, wrapping his arms tight around me. “You look at me like you trust me, and love me, and want me.”

He presses a soft kiss to my lips. “That look is worth every risk and hardship and whatever else loving someone entails.”

I kiss him back as he brings us to standing. “Italians are such saps.”

He shows off the smile I’ve realized he only gives me, and I say the words I know he needs to hear just as badly as I did. “I love you, Cassian. You’re worth the risk, too.”

______________________________________________________

THANK U FOR READINGGG soft ending for the win

[princessfbi]

Can you break down Bobby?

I would love to!

Best Buddy Bobby Nash coming right up!

How I feel about this character

I love Bobby! I was explaining to a friend who doesn't watch 911 that my love for the main characters is kind of like a pyramid. Bobby's on the lower level but without him the rest would crumble which I think speaks huge volumes of just how well done the characters are on this show. I love his humor and wish we saw more of it. I love how present he is in a scene even if he only says a few words. I love how we can go several episodes without having a real storyline with him but the moment we do, we're immediately right back into those feelings. I love his solution to all of the heartache is to offer ice cream. He's my Midwestern bean and I love him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Athena all the way. I love that we get to see how comfortable they are with each other but I also love their storyline this season. I love how strong Athena is but I do love that we got to see the perspective of what it is like to be the partner to someone that fierce and independent without villainizing Athena in the process. Bobby didn't feel like he was a part of that partnership. This was another case of someone not feeling like they were heard but in this case, we got to see those feelings being validated, discussed, and processed. When a relationship hits a miscommunication bump, it doesn't automatically mean someone has to be the bad guy which is too often the case in writing. It was refreshing that it could be dealt with in a very authentic, human way.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

GOD! Everyone? I love me some Dad!Bobby feels with Buck. You all know this. But I also love Dad!Bobby feels with Eddie and Chimney too. I love how Hen can be straight up with Bobby and he actually listens to her. I love how Chimney can be open with Bobby in a way he isn't even able to be when he's with Hen. I love how Bobby, who in season one dealt with so much guilt that he thought he was worthless, was proven wrong by these idiots. I love how Bobby is a safe place for people to be open and vulnerable and supported. I think that's why Buck went to the extremes with the lawsuit because up until then he had full faith that Bobby was a completely safe person and space in his life. To be told otherwise just knocked down his confidence to sub level.

This is my problem I have with leader figures. They don't listen. They make executive decisions and fight you when you call them out about it (ie. Steve Rogers vs Tony Stark). The problem with authority figures in me hates watching leader figures just expect everyone to fall in line.

But Bobby, for the most part, doesn't do that. He accepts people for who they are. He anticipates that they'll fall and instead of trying to prevent it (most times because again he falters when it comes to Buck) he waits for them to need him to put them back together. That's why I love those scenes between him and Eddie so much. He doesn't push Eddie to come to him but when he does, he's there unconditionally. I said before that I think Bobby was a person Eddie desperately needed in his life (someone who would accept him for who he is and not judge him or try to change him) but I think this is the case for everyone on the team.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't really think it's unpopular (I know it's a popular opinion so it's more of a twist on a popular opinion) but I think Bobby really needs to work on how he handles his double standards with Buck.

BUT

I think those double standards stem from a deep rooted sense of guilt Bobby has in regards to Buck. I think Bobby didn't recognize how deeply rooted Buck's pain was until it was too late. Buck nearly died because of Bobby. And Buck keeps trying over and over to prove to Bobby that he's willing to take the risk of his own life and it stresses Bobby the hell out. Because I don't think Bobby knows how to tell Buck he doesn't need to throw himself on every grenade. But Bobby also doesn't know how to hear that Buck doesn't blame him for the truck bombing either.

I think their deepest disconnect has everything to do with Bobby's guilt and Buck's feeling of (lack there of) worthiness. They don't know how to address those with one another (I don't think Bobby fully understood Buck until Buck Begins and I still don't think Buck understands that Bobby's true frustrations aren't with his recklessness but rather his inability to see that he's someone who is deeply cared for) and until they do learn how to communicate that, I think it will remain a point of miscommunication.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish with all my heart that we get to see Bobby address the "You're an important person in my life, Bobby. One of the most important." Like that statement... is huge and you can tell Buck meant every word. But for that to be said to Bobby, a man who thought he failed not only the people he really mattered to (his wife and children and team) but total strangers as well... like... I want to see how Bobby processes that. I want to see Bobby 'Well Buck's not my kid so' Nash handles being told to his face just how much he means to someone. Bobby, albeit quietly, has struggled with feeling like he's important in people's lives. He knows he's important from a distance because when he feels important is when he's on the job. But Bobby struggles constantly to feel wanted and needed by the people in his life outside of the job (see the tension we have with Athena in season 4). I want to see how Bobby deals with Buck straight up saying to his face that he's wanted and needed. Because I think, like Buck, Bobby doesn't know how to hear that and believe it as well.

Give Me A Character and I’ll Break Them Down

[m-y-fandoms]

COMMISSION: Joker/Akira/Ren x Reader Part 2

Part 1

This is gonna be many more parts... I can already tell 

Word Count: 2.2k

SFW, SLOW BURN romance friends to lovers, gender neutral reader, anyone can enjoy it and place themselves as the reader!

- Admin Myah

You spent your entire free period up on that roof, hoping by some miracle that you weren’t crazy, that the group of second-year students that had seemingly vanished before your eyes were in fact pranking you, and upon seeing that you weren’t amused, would get tired of hiding and pop out, finishing the surprise. No such luck, however, and so you left, the second-period bell forcing your hand. Spending the first period of your day - a bit of free time meant for studying, finishing homework, or otherwise enriching yourself educationally - up on the roof and unaccounted for by any teachers was a bit risky already, and you were a decent enough student. There was no way you could just sit there all day, skipping the rest of your classes. Sighing, you resolved to just give up the hunt for your destined main character and by extension the group of potential new friends.

＊

Often after school, you headed to the library, which stayed open along with a select few other areas of Shujin for student use after the last bell rang. Today, however, you felt drawn back to that place, back to that rooftop where you’d seen Akira, Ryuji, and Ann disappear hours earlier. It just wasn’t sitting right with you; you felt a stirring in your soul, like a tiny voice in your head, a shimmering blue butterfly in your stomach. Lucky for you, the rooftop was also open, though you’d never really spent time there. Certain students, including another third-year you admired raised plants up there where the sun could reach them, while others simply came up there for the view or the breeze, some private space to study.

Today, the breeze was indeed blowing, and you sat there writing as it whistled past your ears, polishing up some plot points, scrawling down ideas for your protagonist straight from the imagination, since it seemed you wouldn’t be finding any real-life inspiration anytime soon. It was frustrating, writer’s block, and for the past month or so, it’s all you could do to write a single paragraph. You always found yourself lost in the pages of the novels you loved, and you could identify great writing, appreciate the artistry of another writer, but it was sometimes so hard to put your own thoughts down on the pages of your journal. Why was it so hard? You knew what real romance was. You knew which themes and cliches were overdone and unrealistic. You had a mature and healthy outlook on real relationships and could pick apart the stereotypical female protagonist who was strong and independent until she met the man who would break down her walls or the toxic bad boy who women loved on paper but would cry their eyes out over in real life. You’d read thousands of books and fan-fiction, listened to hundreds of audiobooks, watched tons of romance movies, so why, lately, was it not clicking?! Where was the disconnect between having thoughts and transcribing said thoughts down into your very own masterpiece? Fantasy came so easily to you, sci-fi, non-fiction essays for class, mysteries, research papers, but romance, the genre you loved the most, seemed to purposely elude you.

You were shaken out of your frazzled state when something caught your attention out of the corner of your eye. Shaking your head a bit to try and focus your vision, you looked over your shoulder to see that the black spot on the fringe of your blind spot was in fact actually there. You rubbed your eyes just to be sure, but there it was, a wavering black inky spot hovering in the air. Another appeared, then another, now red in color. You were beginning to feel insane for the second time that day, but rather safe than sorry, you quickly stood, shoving your work and pencils into your bag and shuffling away from the blobs, which were now oscillating and dancing around each other, phasing in and out of existence like a fisheye lens. This was a bit too freaky for your liking, and you were beginning to feel a frightening chill up your spine. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up, and you elected to put some kind of barrier of safety between yourself and the floating bubbles. Like any rational person, your mind was screaming “unknown situation: possible threat: run!” but again, that little butterfly in the pit of your guts was saying there was something worth staying for. So, running to the door to the roof, you swung it open, a ringing in your ear starting to buzz and chime. You closed it frantically, pressing your nose up against the small glass windows that allowed a limited view of the roof. A small gasp escaped your lips, and you instinctively grabbed onto your bag a bit tighter.

The red and black splotches began to dissipate and fade like some kind of glitch in reality, and three figures appeared like mist, like ghosts before beginning to solidify and slowly become tangible silhouettes. Then, as if some kind of magic ritual was coming to a close, the figures poofed into existence, and your brain processed the scene before you.

“Holy shit…” you whispered. There, clear as day were Sakamoto, Takamaki, and the new kid. They were just standing adjusting their clothes, stretching their arms and legs, situating their personal items. It was just then that you saw a little furry head poke up out of Akira’s school bag. Your harsh, analytical gaze softened a bit upon seeing the small black cat that appeared. Had he been carrying that cat around all day? Surely not, right? How would he keep it quiet and still? “What the…?” The inquisitive glare returned to your features when they began… speaking to the cat. It wasn’t the cute baby talk people often use with their pets, either. It was a full-on, serious conversation, and the cat was meowing back, clearly, in response to their statements.

It was a bit muffled by the thick door, but you could make out bits and pieces.

 Metaverse? Palace. Shadows... treasure? Kamoshida? Great, that asshole, but what could he have to do with this? What even was this? 

You were questioning everything you knew. You were wondering if the juice you had this morning at breakfast was spiked. There was no winning in this scenario, either you were crazy, or these kids were. You looked downward, contemplating your navel as your mind tried to make sense of the events of today. You glanced up again, trying to eavesdrop a little better, get some more detail. You took a step closer, trying to will the sound of their voices through the door to be just a little louder, just a little clearer, when Sakamoto suddenly pivoted, stretching and cracking his spine with a sigh.

“Gah!”  You shouted out. His eyes met yours through the window and widened like a kid caught in the cookie jar. You jumped with a start, taking a cautionary step back and nearly tumbling down the stairs. It was a miracle you caught yourself in time, but your little outburst had definitely caught the attention of the group. Your cover was thoroughly blown. “Oh, no…” You cursed under your breath, spotting both Ann and Akira’s eyes on you now as well.

“Shit! Do you think they saw?” Ryuji’s hands flew to his hair, mussing and working out his frustrations on the dyed strands while simultaneously, Akira was already in motion, rushing toward the door to apprehend the unwelcome listener.

Your heartbeat sped up, and like a gazelle spotted by a lion, a fire was lit under you and you began to sprint, clumsily fumbling down the stairwell and onto the flat platform where the stairs rotated 90 degrees and continued downward. Inhaling sharply, your foot, nervous and supporting jelly-like legs, missed the final step. Your belongings, along with your body, spilled across the square, flat platform, and the door behind you slammed open.

“Hey!” Akira’s yell echoed through the stairwell, and your thoughts bounced off the walls just like his voice. Scrambling, you scooped only the essentials into your hands: your journal, the phone of course, a few homework binders, ditching the easily replaceable items like chewing gum and pencils. Taking to one scraped-up knee and ready to bolt, you felt a hand close upon your bicep and clamp down firmly. “Hey, hey… slow down.” Akira again, now gentler with his tone, spun you around to face him. You stood clutching your things to your chest like a life preserver. “I’m not gonna like… kill you or anything.” A breathy chuckle, and now he was on the platform next to you, scanning you up and down for injuries with his hands in his pockets. “So, uh… so don’t kill yourself by fallin’ down these stairs, huh?” He played off the tense feeling in the air with humor, but the sheer proximity of him, standing there in front of you mere inches away in the cramped space, it was like you could hear your blood pounding in your ears.

What was he thinking right now? Did he think you were some weirdo stalker? I mean, you’d just met him this morning and now you were watching him through a small window like a creep after school… after following him there. Wait, that wasn’t important right now! Was he going to kill you? He didn’t seem like the type of guy to do that, but then again, he didn’t seem like the type to phase in and out of existence either… neither did Ryuji and Ann… what were people with powers like that capable of?

Right now, you were just going to mind your business, and play it safe. It wasn’t worth getting mixed up with people who warp through a “metaverse” and talk to animals just for some good writing material, not if it turned out to be dangerous.

“Well…” you hesitated, “it’s none of my business, what I just saw, and I won’t tell anyone.” You breathed a little easier, tried to regain your composure, to not look too weak.

“So they did see! Awww, shit!” Ryuji’s head popped through the door, interrupting the uncomfortable conversation, and the hot air of the enclosed space was cut through by a gust of wind from the now open rooftop door.

“Now, just hold on, Ryuji,” Akira held out one hand to placate his rather temperamental friend.

“No, no really it’s fine that you talk to your… cat and just… vanish... and I’m sure it’s all fine and multiverse-y and…”

“Metaverse.” Akira corrected you with a small smile, bending down to pick up the rest of your scattered objects.

“Dude!” Ryuji ran a hand down his face in defeat.

“They saw us, no point in being tight-lipped,” he stood, handing them to you.

“Metaverse… right,” you took them, watching every move he made carefully. “Sorry, I’m… a bit more... eloquent in my writing,” you moved to the side, ready to sneak past and descend the rest of the stairs. Anything to get on with your day and escape this unbelievable situation. Akira shuffled, mirroring you and completely blocking the stairwell. There was something clever about him, something sharp and charismatic. He knew exactly what he was doing, what he wanted to achieve, and he knew how to calmly and smoothly execute his plans, unlike Sakamoto, who was far less… organized.

“Writing…?” He was keeping you locked into this conversation, as gently and amiably as he could, and you were not leaving until he was sure he could trust your word.

“Uh… yeah, that’s why I was up…” your eyes met his, quickly recoiling and looking toward the floor again, “...up on the roof. I was just looking for a quiet place to write.”

“What, uh, what kind of stuff do you write?” Ann had now joined Ryuji at the top of the stairs, leaving you feeling completely caged in. Ann threw Akira - who seemed like the leader of the small band of misfits - a desperate glance, a sort of look that seemed to ask: “Where are you going with this? Are we screwed?”

“It’s… it’s kind of private. It’s just… romance stuff. I don’t know, I do all kinds of different stuff, whatever I’m in the mood for.” Akira nodded, more to his friends than you, something you had a feeling you weren’t supposed to pick up on. He stuck his hand out flat, gesturing toward the rooftop behind you. You took the hint, heading a bit anxiously back up the stairs, Ryuji and Ann making way for you.

“You any good?” Akira followed behind you, and now on the rooftop once again, the cool air felt freeing, less constricting, though his question felt a bit insulting, a bit nosey.

“I don’t know… I’ve been told I am…” The three friends took a seat in areas that seemed very familiar to them, like they’d been up here warping in and out of this realm many times before. Now settled into place, Ann spoke up, obviously as apprehensive as you were:

“Well do you… do you think…?” Her high-pitched voice seemed to be hesitant, not yet confident in her next words, not sure if they were all on the same page.

“Yeah, my thoughts exactly,” Akira smirked as if the three had one mind. He turned to you, trying to make eye contact that you vehemently avoided. “How would you feel about helping us out?”

[in-tua-deep]

Hufflepuff Five is so good! Are the Hargreeves lives as students as adventurous like the main crew from HP? What about the Ministry of Magic? Would they get involved if someone caught wind of the sibling’s powers that weren’t just magic?

Their lives are SO wack honestly like, they just vibe. They just are going through their magical youth being absolute feral children who don’t trust adults as far as they can throw them while trying to hide their weird funky powers and also ravenously going through magical feats like they’re going out of style

Luther is every sibling’s go-to practice partner because apparently durability extends to being like? Slightly magic resistant? Basically if you hit Luther with a spell it will only be like, maybe half power? So the siblings use him as a magical shield half the time and an experiment the other half and Luther just Suffers Through This until it all goes wrong and he ends up as a werewolf, oops

(But at least Ben is alive! Honestly the only reason Luther wasn’t straight up mauled to death was a combo of his durability, Ben’s proficiency in healing magic, and Ben managing to befriend the acromantulas)

(Luther eventually gets a sense of humor about this after long years of working on accepting himself and constantly threatens to bite his siblings or makes comments about them looking extra tasty when they irritate him)

Allison is a quidditch star, super popular and athletic as all hell. She probably ends up being the Slytherin team captain, honestly. Allison is all glamor and charisma and in her later years of hogwarts has an absolute blast. Allison is very much functional passing so she’s usually the front man to get the professors off their backs, but she also is the front man for a lot of the shit that the family sell for extra spending money. Five and Ben might make potions, but Allison rules the underground black market in slytherin with an iron fist (which gets them into shenanigans involving other kids who Owe Debts)

Diego is on the gryffindor quidditch team and so him and Allison are constantly at each other’s throats on the pitch (Allison sometimes rumors him during matches when she gets within earshot which makes all of the siblings yell at him but she maintains that he gets to use his stupid powers to score points so she should get to as well). Diego gets roped into everything because he’s super soft. He starts a lot of fights because he has vigilante genes so he serves a lot of detentions. His house tolerates him losing them points because the man is a wizard with a quaffle

(Diego and Allison actually practice a lot together, which their respective teams are like HMMMM over but they’re siblings and slytherin knows that Allison would never hesitate to knock Diego off his broom and wave cheerily as he falls to his death, and gryffindor is aware that Diego can, should, and must throw a ball directly at Allison’s dumb face if she gets too close to him because of the Cain Instinct)

(Honestly Allison and Diego do a LOT for interhouse unity, showing that you can still be ride or die for each other while also wanting greatly to kill each other uwu)

Ben is too independent for his own good, which is what gets him into trouble. He likes gardening, and he likes herbs, and sometimes he’s just GOTTA go into the forbidden forest on a full moon to gather these very specific ingredients, c’mon. He also just. Likes spending time in the forbidden forest. He’s Hagrid’s favorite student because he doesn’t bat an eye at all the weird magical creatures, bc homeboy got an eldritch horror in his navel. Ben makes friends with the acromantulas (who have a healthy respect for him after the Horror ate a few of them), patiently avoids the centaurs, and bribes the pixies into giving him their shed wings through liberal application of jam stolen from the Hogwarts kitchens. 

You know what Allison is functional passing and Ben is distinguished passing, all their teachers assume that Ben is the most put together of them but they’re WRONG. They haven’t seen Ben at two in the morning yanking Vanya out of ben because if they don’t break into greenhouse four and help those poor fucking plants the first years are tending to they’re all going to DIE and that’s not fair??? ben is single handedly going to save all those poor plants (and all those first year’s grades)

Vanya is just VIBING, he ends up coming out as trans in fourth year and gets to be roommates with Ben which is pretty sweet. If only Ben didn’t drag him into shenanigans?? All the teachers are like “ah yes Vanya, such a quiet boy not like his siblings at all” but Vanya can will should and must climb onto the roof of the astronomy tower to play his violin because He Just Likes To Be Tall. Vanya once punched a snobby ravenclaw kid in the nose and then stared them down saying “the teachers will never believe you.”

Vanya steals Luther to practice his powers with in unused classrooms the most?? he’s durable. he’ll be fine if Vanya blasts him into a wall with his powers lol

Vanya’s solution to all their problems is “do you want me to blow it up with my powers?” or “do you want me to kill them for you?” 

(All of the siblings now refuse to duel with Vanya except for Luther bc Vanya is RUTHLESS. He WILL murder his siblings (almost) given the chance. They’re all so lucky that Ben is so good at healing and carries extra vials of healing potions on his person otherwise Madame Pomfrey would be VERY CONCERNED)

Five and Klaus probably get into the most shenanigans? Klaus gets less and less afraid of ghosts the more he runs into nice ones like Fred Weasley. Fred also lovingly nurtures Klaus’s absolutely terrible sense of humor and encourages him to prank the whole school. Klaus knows ALL the secret passageways thanks to Fred, a previous owner of the Maurauder’s map, so he’s just like. Constantly in the walls. He once dropped out of the ceiling to get to transfiguration in time and nobody even commented on it because Klaus is just Like That.

(A few people see Klaus’s boney elbows and knobbley knees and thinks he’s a good target for bullying just because he’s a slytherin and interhouse awfulness absolutely it at an all time high so recently after the war. YEAH his siblings step in and put the fear of god into any bullies, but Klaus fights like a cornered raccoon.)

Five is just way too smart and curious for his own good. He likes to poke around, figure things out, and also make money. Five does people’s homework, charges them for potions or rune work, tutors, dismantles shit in the chamber of secrets, ALSO explores the secret passageways (and finds some that weren’t on the map), is lovingly bullied into Friendship Activities with his housemates, breaks into the other houses’s common rooms for funsies, and keeps getting fed by the house elves who found out he can ‘apparate’ like them (without a wand) and have apparently adopted him against his will

Five is the sibling who has his fingers in like. ALL the pies. and just constantly pops up and drags them into things. Five will be helping Klaus with potions homework then glance up and tell Diego he’s cashing in the favor he’s owed for carving runes into Diego’s knives and that Diego now gets to break into Douglas Eddington’s room to steal back Lana Delwich’s diary so that Five can trade it to Lana for her rare Solomon Babik chocolate frog card which Five can give to Barnaby Beeson in exchange for a Large Distraction of Five’s Choice and a sketchy book on ward breaking which Five needs so he can break into the headmaster’s office to get a confiscated dark magic book that has some information Five needs to alter a potion that he’s probably going to make Luther drink later

Five is the sibling who is like “Ugh, I thought I was trading for some nundu ingredients but now i have a Whole Baby Nundu in the basement :/”

Which, of course, Klaus wants to keep despite the poison breath.

“This is literally one of the most dangerous magical creatures, we are not keeping it.” Luther says, unimpressed. However, he definitely has it cradled in his arms and makes kissy faces at it when he thinks no one is looking. (Apparently baby toxic nundu breath only makes Luther sneeze, so there’s that?)

“If you guys are arrested for smuggling I am not bailing you out.” Is Allison’s only decree about the matter.

Honestly I wouldn’t be shocked if someone DID eventually find out about one of the siblings’ powers - however, they would come to entirely the wrong conclusion about them?? Because this is a world of MAGIC and so everything magical has to have a magical explanation, right???

Luther is durable as all fuck???? Uhhhhh maybe he has some like. Troll blood or giant blood something back in his family line, obviously not something he would ever want the world to know about bc of species-ism

Allison can make you do whatever you want with her words????? Maybe she’s part veela? With that charm appeal?

Five is doing. Wandless apparation?? I mean, that’s rare as FUCK but wandless magic is,,, grudgingly accepted though it’s usually only used for small or very familiar spells and not usually something as complex as apparation but OKAY just sit him down and forbid him from doing it anymore bc boy boutta be SPLICED or some shit

Klaus can. Klaus can talk to ghosts. Who are not full ghosts. Hmm. huh. Maybe it’s?? A family ability??? a super rare one? like being a metamorphagus? (What the fuck??????? what the FUCK???????)

Primarily the kids started off paranoid because they believed that their abilities indicated that they weren’t the same type of magic, and they didn’t want to be returned to their father, and then it progressed into “these abilities might make people scared of us (looking at you allison, with your imperius-ass abilites)” or “we can’t afford that kind of scrutiny or curiosity about our powers (they might find out luther is a werewolf or something idk)” and “if we are ‘desirable’ children with ‘rare abilities’ the government might try to split us up and adopt us into weird pureblood families or something OR might try to lock us up (like where would they even put Ben??)”

honestly if ben ever got found out he’d just deadpan “it’s a curse, hand me the black wormroot would you?” and be like “oh yeah it’s under control i just go vibe in the woods every so often and rip up a tree or something. I think the horror wants to be the whomping willow when it grows up actually, so just don’t get too close when i’m in the horror zone. if you can live with a murder tree on campus you can live with me on campus”

someone sees vanya fuck something up with his powers and is like ???? and Vanya is just like “accidental magic lol” 

“aren’t you... a bit... old for accidental magic...”

“accidental. magic.”

[silenthillmutual]

hey for the prompts thing, maybe artemy's children and daniil? Also if you wanna stretch your utopian characters writing muscles, something with peter and grace(artemy helping him parent her, since the man was ready to feed her worms)? eva and daniil in the friendship way?? idk, something of that sort. I love your work, you have a delightful grasp of the characters and the english language itself

this isn't my best bc i've just been practicing writing to keep that skill strong, but i decided to do a little of all three :)

-----

“Please, Eva, you have to help me.”

Eva tilts her head at Daniil, her long blonde hair cascading over her shoulder. Daniil knows she’s not that dense; it’s not the with what question, but the why. “Really, Daniil. I think you have a handle on things as it is.”

He absolutely does not have a handle on things. He is in way out of his depth. Over his head. However the saying goes - what’s been expected is far beyond him. Cats, he can watch over easily. They’re mostly self-sufficient, independent, but children? Daniil does not know the first thing about children.

“Humor me, then,” he says. Eva ducks her head, struggling to hide a smile. “Pretend for a moment that I don’t have a handle on things. How am I meant to keep children entertained?”

“Ah, I would think you would remember what it was like to be a child!” Daniil only scowls at the floor, shuffling his feet. “You remember how you wanted to be treated, don’t you? It’s not that different from now. You treat them with respect.”

“I know how to talk to children,” he says, and hopes he isn’t lying, “but how do I keep them entertained?”

“It’s only for a few hours. I think you’re worrying over nothing.” Daniil looks over his shoulder. They’re already seated at Eva’s piano, fingers toying with the keys. Every once in a while they will make contact, a soft plonk as a flat note plays in the open space, accompanied by a giggle. “Besides, Artemy left you in charge, not me. He trusts you.”

“He trusts everyone.” It sounds like more of a complaint than it’s really meant. The haruspex’s undying faith in others is admirable, really. Burakh’s favor is probably the only thing that’s kept the town’s inhabitants from running Daniil out into the steppe. But in this one occasion, that faith seems misplaced. “I should have said no.”

“So why didn’t you?”

Daniil has no answer. Or at least, he has no good answer. Judging by the smile creeping its way onto her face, Eva knows the only one he has. He tries to fan away her concern, and is met with her soft laughter, like the tinkling of glass. “Anyway, I’d feel much safer if you were here to help me.”

“Safer? Daniil, they’re just kids. You’ve done much more dangerous things in the time you’ve been here.” Daniil purses his lips, and Eva sighs. “I’ll help you, on one condition!”

“Name it.”

“Yulia.” Eva huffs, fiddling with her gloves. “I’ve invited her over to dinner, but she hasn’t sent her response. I think she’s nervous about seeing the Stamatins again - tell her they won’t be coming if it makes her so upset! Whatever you have to say, just make sure she agrees. I’ve been dying to see her.”

Much as he’d rather not get involved in anyone else’s affairs, he is sort of desperate here. Yulia can be difficult to convince when her mind is made up on something - impossible, even, he’d say - but he knows how fond the two women are of each other, and maybe his assurance that Andrey will be otherwise occupied will be enough. And really, all he has to do is try. “Fine,” he says, and Eva squeezes his arm in excitement before turning to the kids in the sitting room.

“I see you’ve found the piano. Would you like me to teach you a few scales?”

-

When Artemy agreed to help Peter prepare for Grace’s visit, he had no idea what it was he was signing up for. He’d thought an hour or so - enough time to leave his kids with Daniil and see how they fared together without overwhelming the other man. But it’s been two and a half hours now, and Peter doesn’t seem to be any closer to grasping the basics.

“You need milk, Peter. And eggs. Basic food items.” He stops just short of asking if the man is even aware of what constitutes food. He can’t be certain that the man even eats. He’s malnourished for someone of his height, and from what Artemy can tell his main consumption is twyrine. And that won’t be good for poor Grace.

That’s the main reason Artemy’s stayed so long. He wants to get back to his kids, to spend time with Daniil before the man returns to his work, but he worries about how Grace will fare here when Peter can’t seem to grasp the importance of a clean cooking surface and fresh ingredients. “Forgive me, old boy. It’s been so long since I have sought these things out for myself.”

Artemy tries not to groan. That’s about what he’d figured, and it’s not exactly what he’d call promising.

At least the apartment is looking marginally nicer. There’s space enough for them to walk around in, the empty bottles of twyrine have been discarded and the couch has been cleared of its debris. It’s not much, but it’s a start, and Artemy can appreciate how difficult even this was for the architect.

But it’s still not quite enough. Grace will be over within the hour, and Artemy’s not sure how much more help he can be to the man.

Before he can suggest they hold Grace’s visit off another day, a knock comes at the door and the girl herself enters. She doesn’t look quite sure of herself, her fists curled tight around the fabric of her dress, her eyes cast down; but she enters all the same, and stands just outside the door, waiting.

Artemy is the first to address her. “Grace.” He nudges Peter with his foot under the table. “It’s good to see you.”

Peter looks at Artemy, solemn, and follows his lead. “Welcome, girl.” There’s an awkward pause, and Artemy kicks his shin again. Peter stares at the table. “Come in from the door. There’s room for you by the couch.”

Grace smiles shyly and tucks her hands behind her back as she enters. Her eyes widen, taking in the apartment as if seeing it for the first time. And since Peter doesn’t seem to clean regularly, she very well could be.

“What happened to your paintings?” she asks, her voice quiet.

“I’ve moved them.” Artemy is preparing himself to nudge Peter once again, but this is something he’s more well-acquainted with. He’s slow to stand, one hand on the table to steady himself, and makes his way to what passes for a bedspace in this loft. Artemy watches from the table, chewing his lip, as Peter presents a painting to her.

At least it’s one of the more appropriate ones, though there’s something frightening about the splashes of paint. He’s no art critic, and he won’t pretend to understand, but there’s something very angry about this painting. Artemy wonders how obvious it is to Grace, who hasn’t seen much outside of the graveyard. He can’t imagine there’s much experimental art in the Saburov’s house.

A sudden pang hits him, watching the two interact. He may be frustrated with Peter, but it’s obvious the man is trying his hardest. It’s just been too long since he’s even taken care of himself, that of course it will take a while before he’s able to take care of another person. And Grace has such different needs that Artemy’s unsure the Saburovs will be able to meet. The way they talk to each other, he can sense an understanding between them, even when they’re not talking about exactly the same thing.

He’s going to wind up regretting this, for sure. He didn’t mean to leave his kids with Daniil for so long, but he can’t just give up here.

“It’s about time for lunch,” Artemy says. The two turn to look at him with matching looks of surprise. “Why don’t I show you how to cook something?”

-

Artemy dropped his children off around ten. Daniil expected him back around noon. He doesn’t mind making food for the children, except - well, he’s not the one doing it. Eva caught him attempting to make some excuses to head into the kitchen and beat him to it. “Don’t worry about it,” she said, with a look in her eyes Daniil found almost threatening, “I can handle it. You stay in here and get acquainted.”

“We’re already acquainted,” Daniil pointed out, but it didn’t matter much. Eva was determined to ignore him, making her way out of the room and leaving Daniil with two bored kids.

Murky had moved on from the piano some time ago, laying on the floor with charcoals and sketch paper Peter had left out the last time he’d come to visit. She didn’t ask for permission, but if Eva wasn’t going to tell her off then neither was Daniil. He can’t imagine Peter minding much or even remembering he’d brought the items with him, and as long as it’s keeping the girl occupied Daniil doesn’t have it in him to complain. Sticky, on the other hand, has taken to snooping around the house.

“Looking for something?” Daniil asks, watching him open up an end table drawer.

Sticky shrugs. “Not particularly.” He closes the drawer with a little more force than necessary and turns his gaze to the staircase, his eyebrows near to his hairline. “What’s up there?”

“My room.”

“Can I see it?” The sudden excitement catches him off guard. Daniil fiddles with his gloves. “You have a microscope, right? I’ve never used one. I know Rubin has one, but he won’t let me see it. Do you have slides? Can you show me something? Can you show me blood?”

“One question at a time,” Daniil says, huffing with amusement. Maybe this isn’t so bad. I was the same at his age. “I suppose you can come upstairs and see it, yes. I do have a few clean slides, yes, but I don’t have any samples lying around. I suppose I can come up with something, but…” he turns to look at Murky.

“She’ll be fine,” Sticky assures him. “It’s not like we’re going far, right?” He turns to his sister. “Murky, we’re going upstairs.”

She pauses in her drawing, looking at Sticky before her eyes turn away. “Do I have to come with you?”

“I don’t suppose you have to, no,” Daniil answers. “But if you need anything, you can come up and get us, alright, dear?” She doesn’t seem all that comfortable with the term, her mouth turning into a little scowl. She doesn’t answer, either, going back to her drawing as if no interruption had occurred.

Daniil leads Sticky up the stairs, listening to his babbling about the things he’s managed to glean from listening to Artemy and attempting to follow in his footsteps, from his discussions with Rubin when the man’s come to visit. Once they’re upstairs, he wanders around the room, picking up Daniil’s books and looking at them carefully, trying to pronounce the words aloud to himself. Daniil takes his distraction as a time to prick himself for a blood sample, readying the slide and pulling the chair back out from the table.

He clears his throat, and Sticky spins around, nearly dropping the heavy tome in his hands. “You wanted to see a blood sample, yes?” Sticky nods, scrambling his way over to the desk. Daniil has to guide him in how to use the microscope, in how to get a clearer picture of what he’s looking at. And Sticky has plenty of questions for him about what he sees, about how blood works in the body, about cells and warmth and movement.

As he’s speaking, Daniil simply forgets to be nervous. It’s not all that different to lectures - and to have someone honestly listening to him is actually quite nice. He’s so engrossed in directing Sticky that he doesn’t notice when Murky joins them. When she speaks, it startles him. “Why do you have a bunch of grass in a jar?” Sticky stifles a laugh as Daniil nearly jumps, moving around to the bookshelf where Murky is on her toes, peering at a glass jar. “They’re not even the right herbs. You can’t make anything out of that.”

“It’s not all grass. Take a closer look.” Daniil takes the jar off the shelf and holds it out for her to better see it. He watches her squint, and directs his finger about halfway up the jar. “Do you see the eyes here? This is a conehead grasshopper.”

Her eyes widen. “You keep a bug in a jar?”

“Well, I’d like to get a terrarium eventually, but you don’t seem to have any in town. I’d have to order one from the Capital.” He pauses. People usually find his collection of insects strange, but Murky seems fascinated. “I have books on insects, if you would like to…” Can she read? “Take a look?” Murky nods, and Daniil takes the jar back, looking through the bookshelf for the guide he’d brought with him.

Sticky’s not particularly interested in the bugs, but he entertains himself looking through Daniil’s medical textbooks while Daniil reads passages off of the insects Murky points to. When Eva comes to get them for lunch, he has to agree to bring the book downstairs with him to get her to go.

“Dad won’t let me keep bugs,” she mumbles around her food. “Says they don’t belong in the house.”

“My mother felt the same,” Daniil tells her. It feels strange to admit it, when it’s been so long since he’s spoken of his parents to anybody. Murky turns the pages of his field guide very carefully, silent as Sticky speaks up to ask him more questions about blood flow and circulation.

Now that he’s found ways of connecting with the kids, communication isn’t nearly as difficult as he’d thought it would be. He feels a little silly for winding himself up the way he had this morning - and these are Artemy’s kids, why had he imagined they’d be such a handful? Sure, they’re precocious, but not any worse than the other children in town.

They’ve just made their way back into the main room when the door to the Stillwater opens and Artemy appears. He looks exhausted, and Daniil can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt. He knows what dealing with the Stamatins can be like, especially given how poorly Peter takes care of himself. He can’t begin to imagine what took Artemy so long, but things must have been pretty bad if it took him such a long time.

Artemy offers Daniil a small smile. “Thanks for looking after them, emshen.”

“It was my pleasure,” Daniil says, and he finds that for once it’s not simply a nicety. “They’re wonderful children, Artemy. Clearly you’re doing a fantastic job in raising them.”

“Truth be told, they raised themselves.” His smile is fond, turning from Daniil to his kids. “You guys ready to go?”

Murky looks up from her drawing - a new one, an attempt to freehand an illustration of a phasmid from Daniil’s field guide. She still has a slight frown on her face as she looks up at her father. “Now? Bachelor was going to show me how to catch insects with a net,” she tells him.

Artemy looks back at Daniil with some surprise on his face. Daniil can feel himself flushing as he tries to look anywhere but at Artemy. “Why don’t you come another day, Murky? It’ll give me time to get a second net.”

“I’ll be ready to go in a minute,” Sticky pipes up. “I just gotta finish -”

“Oh, you can borrow the book,” Daniil says, waving his hand. “Don’t mind the markings I left in it from school. And if you have any questions, well - you know where to find me.”

[robininthelabyrinth]

Light on the Door (ao3) (WWX in the Nie sect) - on tumblr: part 1, part 2, part 3

-

Nie Mingjue had hoped, somehow, that he would be able to avoid having this conversation. He wasn’t sure how he intended to avoid it – fobbing it off on another family member was beneath his dignity, it was pretty much inevitable to need to happen at some point during adolescence, and no matter how tempting he wasn’t going to up and die just to avoid some awkwardness – he’d still been hopeful.

The time for hope, however wistful and unsustainable, was gone.

“I want to start by telling you that this is a normal development,” he said, trying to keep his tone straightforward and casual, and failing miserably by the expression on Wei Wuxian’s face. “When you start to get older –”

“Please tell me we are not having the sex talk,” Wei Wuxian said, his voice faint with horror. “I have read way too much porn to be having the sex talk with you.”

“I wish we were having the sex talk,” Nie Mingjue grumbled. “I could give you a book, tell you to ask me any questions you like, and call it a day. Sex isn’t even an embarrassing subject.”

Wei Wuxian’s shoulders loosened. “Good point. Okay. So what talk are we having?”

“The secrets of the Nie sect cultivation method talk,” Nie Mingjue said, a little dryly. “Or, as my father called it, ‘when a boy and his saber start feeling strange things about each other’.”

Wei Wuxian’s face suggested that he was, once again, suffering horribly and unjustly from the Nie clan sense of humor. Which he somehow shared, so Nie Mingjue didn’t know what he was complaining about.

“I’m going to ignore that,” Wei Wuxian eventually decided, “in favor of focusing on the key parts of that sentence, namely ‘secrets’. What secrets?”

“Our cultivation path starts in a manner that’s very similar to orthodox swordsmanship paths,” Nie Mingjue explained. “And we are open to guest cultivators and outer disciples continuing to practice that sort of path, but the main part of the Nie sect, especially the clan, practice something a little bit more…unorthodox.”

“Unorthodox,” Wei Wuxian said, sounding as if he were rolling the word around in his mouth to savor the taste. “What do you mean, unorthodox?”

Nie Mingjue decided to just cut to the chase. “We utilize resentful energy from shedding the blood of the evil creatures that we hunt to cultivate our sabers into saber spirits capable of fighting evil semi-independently.”

Wei Wuxian’s jaw dropped. “Wait, what? That’s why I keep imagining that I can hear Suibian? Or, well, not hear…”

“Saber spirits don’t really talk, but they certainly have feelings,” Nie Mingjue agreed. “Lots of them, sometimes.”

Baxia calmly radiated a fuck you too feeling at him, but in a fond sort of way.

“Mostly ‘I want to destroy evil’ feelings,” he added, because it was true.

Wei Wuxian still looked stunned, so Nie Mingjue figured it was time to continue explaining.

“In orthodox swordsmanship cultivation, only the most powerful cultivators have swords that obey only their master – but because we cultivate our sabers’ spirits, all of them only obey a single master. Because they’ve been cultivated through the shedding of blood, they’re full of resentful energy themselves; they become far more powerful, but also more difficult to control.”

“Qi deviation,” Wei Wuxian said, jumping ahead at least ten steps in the talk. “Because of the proximity to resentful energy?”

“Not proximity. We cultivate our sabers through our own cultivation – processing the resentful energy and purifying it so that our sabers stay true to our principles. As the saber’s cultivation grows, it becomes more difficult to process it without becoming unbalanced, and eventually, absent a breakthrough, it will result in a qi deviation. It’s the trade established by the founder of our sect: we gain the ability to defeat evil now, but we pay the price later.”

Wei Wuxian obviously didn’t like that, and Nie Mingjue didn’t want to jump straight into the ‘so eventually all men die and some sooner than others’ section of the talk anyway, so he pulled it back.

“You’ve reached the point in your cultivation where you’ve started to sense Suibian’s rage,” Nie Mingjue explained. “It will affect you, making your temper shorter and you more impulsive; you’ll need to keep a careful check on it…as much as is reasonable, anyway. I’m not exactly one to talk about keeping your temper.”

He tried. Very hard, even, and he mostly even succeeded in mastering his temper into more appropriate channels – look, he hadn’t once tried to stab any other sect leader over the table in a Discussion Conference, and he was sitting across from Jin Guangshan, a walking pustule with wandering hands and no morals; Jiang Fengmian, too lukewarm to do anything except apparently whine about how Wei Wuxian preferred to stay in the Nie sect; and Wen Ruohan, his father’s murderer, a narcissist with delusions that he deserved to be emperor of the world, and all around creep.

A few instances of having to excuse himself to go break a table or stab a wall was totally reasonable.

“You’ll go a lot more night-hunts from this point onwards, which will help you shed more blood and strengthen your saber further,” he continued. “But you have to remember at all times that your saber will reflect you; that means it’s your duty to cultivate it properly, to teach it to hate evil and value righteousness. Principles are just as important – no, more important – than increasing power.”

“I didn’t even know resentful energy could be used like that,” Wei Wuxian said blankly. “Isn’t it something we have to fight against? Or is it just – it’s energy. We use spiritual energy for the most part, but we use resentful energy for the sabers…couldn’t we use resentful energy for ourselves, too?”

Nie Mingjue rolled his eyes and flicked him in the forehead. “No. Using resentful energy without a channel is demonic cultivation.”

“So what?” Wei Wuxian said, his eyes bright. “If you can use it –”

“Are you made of steel?” Nie Mingjue interrupted. “Our sabers can absorb and redirect resentful energy without suffering from moral corrosion; even so, they eventually become fixated, obsessive, reckless and undiscriminating, which is why they need masters – someone who can direct them towards defeating evil when they lose the ability to tell the difference themselves. If you use resentful energy yourself, you yourself may become subject to those same issues, and where would you be?”

“Letting you and Nie Huaisang order me around,” Wei Wuxian said promptly. “Obviously.”

“Brat. Do you want to hear the details or not?”

“Of course I do! I’m just surprised that Nie Huaisang didn’t slip up and tell me about it earlier.”

“He doesn’t know,” Nie Mingjue said, and winced when Wei Wuxian stared at him. “It’s not necessary to tell him until he starts feeling Aituan the way I feel Baxia or you feel Suibian, and given the extremely slow rate of his cultivation, that might be a while out yet. He’s happy as he is; why burden him with secrets?”

“Because he deserves to know that you might die?”

“He knows that,” Nie Mingjue said, his mind suddenly pulled back to the terrible months before his father died. “Trust me. He knows.”

Wei Wuxian was quiet for a moment. “He might cultivate more if he knew that he could eventually have conversations with Aituan,” he suggested.

“He might cultivate less if he knew it was increasing his chances of an early death,” Nie Mingjue rebutted. “It’s the cultivation path of his ancestors; he can’t abandon it, but he can waffle and drag his feet. And if he doesn’t form a golden core properly, if he doesn’t learn to defend himself, he’ll die sooner than any qi deviation will kill me and that’s – that can’t happen. You understand that, right?”

“Of course,” Wei Wuxian said. “Don’t worry, da-ge. I’ll take care of Huaisang.”

Nie Mingjue put his hand on the back of Wei Wuxian’s nape and shook him. “I don’t want to send you off before I go either, brat; don’t get so wrapped up in protecting Huaisang that you forget that. So be careful.”

“I will,” Wei Wuxian said. “I promise.”

-

“So, do you think it’s time to give Wei Wuxian the talk?” Nie Huaisang asked Jiang Cheng as they dangled their feet in the river.

“What?” Jiang Cheng said, turning to look at him. “Are you joking? You have so much porn –”

“Not the sex talk,” Nie Huaisang said, rolling his eyes. “Sex isn’t a talk; learning about sex is a book explaining the mechanics, a lifetime of listening to soldiers, and a very enjoyable process, to hear the stories. And to read them, of course.”

“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng said, flushing red. Nie Huaisang assumed his version of learning about sex had been a little different. “If you didn’t mean that, then what did you mean?”

“Porn can teach you about mechanics, as long as you take it with a solid pound of skepticism about how flexible the human body is and remember where the holes are,” Nie Huaisang said wisely, even as Jiang Cheng put his head in his hands and groaned. “But it doesn’t teach you about feelings.”

“Feelings.”

“Yes, feelings. I-like-you feelings. Like the stupid expression that Jin Zixuan get every time he sees Jiang Yanli practicing saber, or when he hears about those rumors that Sect Leader Nie would snatch her up as his bride in a second if he ever broke the engagement…”

“Why are we talking about feelings?” Jiang Cheng said, not raising his head.

“Because Wei Wuxian is an idiot.”

“Hey, that’s my best friend you’re talking about,” Jiang Cheng said, notably not disagreeing with the assessment. “And other than getting himself thrown out of Teacher Lan’s class because of his stupid theorizing about demonic cultivation, he’s usually pretty smart.”

“I’m well aware. He’s my shixiong,” Nie Huaisang pointed out. “And a genius. Doesn’t mean he’s not an idiot.”

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. “What type of feelings talk? The one about not marrying someone who doesn’t love you because you’ll be miserable your entire life one?”

“No, and I’m not touching that with a ten-foot spear, but if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you,” Nie Huaisang said. “I meant the one about liking people, and how to recognize it when that’s what you’re feeling.”

“Wait,” Jiang Cheng said. “Are you saying that Wei Wuxian likes someone?”

Nie Huaisang closed his eyes. “Oh,” he said, in tones of pained revelation. “That’s my problem. I’m surrounded by idiots.”

“Hey!”

“I’m going to write to da-ge and tell him he needs to find more smart people to join the sect. Otherwise there’ll be no help for it; my brain is going to end up deteriorating into nothing but mush –”

“Hey!” Jiang Cheng slapped him upside the head, which Nie Huaisang supposed he deserved. “Now stop being a jerk and tell me who Wei Wuxian likes. I didn’t even know there were any girls around for him to like.”

“For the first time in my life, I want my saber,” Nie Huaisang said.

“…what?”

“It’s supposed to give you strength. To support you as you suffer through hardships untold –”

Jiang Cheng pushed him into the river.

Nie Huaisang surfaced a moment later, dripping wet. “Okay, okay,” he said, grinning; it was a hot day and he had been asking for it. “I’ll stop. The reason you’re confused is because the person Wei Wuxian likes isn’t a girl.”

Jiang Cheng looked blank.

Nie Huaisang mimed scissors and pretended to snip at his now soaked sleeve.

“Wei Wuxian?” Jiang Cheng said doubtfully. “But he flirts with girls all the time. Like when we went to Caiyi Town –”

“To be fair, that threw me for a while too,” Nie Huaisang said. “But no one ever said you couldn’t like girls and boys. After all, they’re both really pretty!”

“I guess,” Jiang Cheng said.

“Well, you don’t count. You like boys and girls equally, too.”

“I do not!”

“Yes, you do,” Nie Huaisang said patiently. “Zero interest in either is still equal.”

Jiang Cheng scowled in the way that suggested that Nie Huaisang was right, but shouldn’t say it.

“Look at it this way: if you never end up liking anybody, you can be friends with your future wife and she’d never need to be worried about you liking anyone else.”

“…that’s true,” Jiang Cheng conceded, looking intrigued by the idea. “Anyway, enough about me. We were talking about Wei Wuxian. Who does he like?”

“Lan Wangji.”

“I know that,” Jiang Cheng said with a scoff, and Nie Huaisang had a momentary hope that maybe he’d been the slow one for once when Jiang Cheng ruined it all by adding, “He’s his best friend, too; we all agreed on that. I was talking about who he liked.”

Nie Huaisang covered his face for a moment and sighed.

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s start this from the top: how would you like the opportunity to be Wei Wuxian’s only best friend?”

“…what do you mean? How could that happen?”

“I’m Wei Wuxian’s shidi, my da-ge is his da-ge, and you’re his best friend – and Lan Wangji can be his boyfriend.”

“Oh, I see, that – wait. Wei Wuxian likes Lan Wangji?!”

“And he has no idea,” Nie Huaisang said. “And that’s why we need to give him the talk.”

Jiang Cheng seemed to be struggling with the idea, but in the end he said, “And I get to be his only best friend afterwards, right?” so somehow Nie Huaisang thought it was all going to be fine.

-

“I need to have a talk with my saber,” Wei Wuxian said, batting his eyelashes at the door guards. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Of course they minded. The Wen sect hadn’t taken away their weapons for their own good – it was a move designed to humiliate them, to weaken them, to show them their place.

But under the circumstances…

“Let him in,” Wen Zhuliu said, his arms crossed over his chest and his face as unmoving as stone. “Once the issue is resolved, he returns to the rest of the group and the incident is never spoken of again.”

The incident being the mysterious snapping of several Wen sect swords during the night when no one was around, which went on for a few days before someone stuck around and realized it was the angry spiritual energy pouring out of Suibian that was causing the issues.

Weird, but, well, everyone knew Nie sabers were weird. The best weapon to use against resentful energy by far, of course, and yao spirits in particular, but still – weird.

Wei Wuxian went into the armory, his heart hurting at all those brilliant shining swords sitting around as if they were merely spares for the Wen sect instead of treasures for their respective masters; there was Sandu over there, and Bichen, and even Suihua.  Only lucky Aituan wasn’t here by virtue of Nie Huaisang having believably ‘forgotten’ it back at home; that had been good – Nie Mingjue had nearly had a fit at the idea of Wei Wuxian taking Suibian anywhere near Wen Ruohan and it would’ve been worse if there’d been Aituan to worry about, too.

They’d had to talk him down for a long while to get him to agree. To convince him that the Wens were not yet so daring that they’d commit murder at their indoctrination camp, that they’d be safe enough even if uncomfortable, that the time could be better spent in finalizing the preparations for the war that they all knew was coming.

Having to hand over Suibian at the beginning, though – it’d been hard.

“Hey, baby,” Wei Wuxian said, reaching out to run his fingers down her blade.

Saber spirits didn’t speak the way people spoke, more an amalgamation of raw feeling and sub-human levels of thought, but he liked to think he could hear Suibian saying where have you been you jerk let’s get out of here I want to stab something already.

“No stabbing,” Wei Wuxian said. “And sadly, no getting out of here; we’re stuck. I just got let in here long enough to try to talk to you…since when do you break swords?”

Baxia said.

Suibian didn’t have a word for Baxia, only a feeling like lightning turned solid, a blood-drenched pillar made of stone that could hold up the weight of the world, accompanied by an incredible amount of respect that Suibian certainly never felt about any human up to and including Wei Wuxian – who Suibian seemed to treat more as a little brother than anything else.

A moderately stupid little brother, even.

“Nice try,” Wei Wuxian said patiently. “Baxia isn’t here, so she couldn’t have possibly told you to go break Wen swords.”

Baxia said they broke one of ours.

Wei Wuxian stared. “You can’t possibly mean…old Sect Leader Nie’s? You weren’t even forged then.”

Baxia was. Baxia remembers. Baxia hates them.

“Hey, I hate them, too. Remember me? Your master?”

If it makes you happy.

“Wow, really? Jackass.”

Jerk.

“Pointy object.”

Oblong meat.

Wei Wuxian snickered. “Okay, anyway, you need to stop.”

They are the tools of evil men. If they are not destroyed, they will do evil in the future.

That was Suibian in a nutshell: carefree and arrogant, with a bone-deep sense of righteousness regardless of anything.

They said sabers reflected their masters – Wei Wuxian could only hope that it was true.

He ran his fingers down the flat of the blade again, as much to comfort himself as to calm Suibian.

“I know. But we don’t have a choice right now, okay? I know you’re not very good with thinking about the future, about consequences – I know I’m not very good at it, which means you never had anyone to teach it to you – but right now we need to behave or else bad things will happen to people we love. I told them the breaking of the swords was because of a talisman I carved into you that I forgot to deactivate, so they don’t know about you, but if you keep it up, they might figure it out…”

He sighed. “Don’t make me make it an order.”

Suibian was not happy with him right now, but Wei Wuxian could feel the reluctant agreement.

“Just wait,” Wei Wuxian said. “Soon enough you’ll have all the evil you could possibly want to fight, and more besides.”

Soon, there would be war.

[longitudinalwaveme]

The CW Rogues: My Biggest Gripe With the 2014 Flash Show

In many ways, the CW Flash show is what got me into comics. While I had watched (and loved) Justice League and Justice League Unlimited and read loads of DC guidebooks as a kid, it wasn’t until I saw a clip from the 2014 CW Flash show that I really got invested in the DC Universe. While I had already started watching B:TAS (and loving it), Batman wasn’t what got me into comics. No, that was the Flash...or rather, it was Captain Cold. While watching a clip from the Justice League episode Flash and Substance on YouTube, I saw a link to a clip from “Family of Rogues” (from Season 2 of CW’s Flash). Intrigued by the premise, I found the show on Netflix, watched the entire episode, and was hooked. Not only was the Flash just as nice as he had been on Justice League, but two of his Rogues were siblings, and they actually cared about one another. I wanted to know more, so I looked Captain Cold and the Golden Glider up. My research into Cold and Glider led me to the other Rogues, and soon I became a Flash fan. I watched the show, I re-watched “Flash and Substance”, I read articles about the characters from the comics...and eventually, I started reading the comics themselves. I loved the characters and the lore, and I enjoyed the generally lighthearted tone of the books even into the modern era. Unfortunately, as I learned more about the comics, I grew less and less interested in the 2014 TV show. It made too many alterations to character I liked in the comics...and eventually, I basically stopped watching the show out of frustration. Ironically enough, by getting me into comics, the show alienated me from itself....and a big reason for that was the way it handled the Rogues. Here’s a rundown of the CW Rogues, and why I was frustrated with most of them. 

1. Captain Cold. I actually enjoy Captain Cold on the CW show; he’s recognizable as Len Snart and his sarcasm game is on point. (It doesn’t hurt that Wentworth Miller is really attractive, either). His relationships with Lisa, Mick, and Barry are fantastic, and it’s a relief to have him be treated as a competent threat. That being said...he’s a bit too suave for Captain Cold, isn’t he? Silver Age Cold thought he was suave, but he wasn’t; and modern Captain Cold is middle-aged, grouchy, and very rough around the edges. His smooth, suave nature reminds me more of classic Sam (the original Mirror Master) than Captain Cold. 

2. Heat Wave. Dominic Purcell did a great job with the role he was given, and physically he’s an excellent match for Mick. That being said, CW Mick is very different from the Mick in the classic comics, who was a bit dim-witted and rather gentle and sweet for a supervillain. CW Mick, by contrast, is, as I think @gorogues put it, “Hothead McAngryman”, which wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t seem to have bled back into the comics themselves. Villains with fire powers being hotheads is a bit overdone, so I’m not thrilled to see comic Mick being put into that role. 

3. Golden Glider. Hands down, Lisa is my favorite of the CW Rogues. Despite the fact that her costume and power set are completely different than they were in the comics, they managed to get her personality down pretty well; making her just as dangerous and competent as the boys. Flirtatious, crafty, devious, and yet still at least somewhat sympathetic, the CW version of Lisa Snart takes home the gold for the best adaptation of a Rogue. If only they hadn’t completely forgotten that she existed. 

4. Pied Piper. Note that I have not seen his Season 6 appearance, so I’m just judging this based on his appearances in Seasons 1 and 2. Piper is disappointing; in his first appearance he wasn’t as fun as Silver/Bronze Age Piper or as sympathetic as modern Piper, and I’m not crazy about the idea of him being motivated primarily by revenge on Wells/Thawne, since that wasn’t his motivation in the comics at all. I also don’t remember him being able to puppet or hypnotize people with his music, which is too bad, since that’s his main schtick in the comics. What’s more, if you want to reform a character, don’t do it offscreen via reality warping and then forget about him for four seasons. It sounds like his Season 6 appearance was better, but I haven’t seen it so I can’t comment on it. Also, “the Pied Piper” is kind of a nonindicative name if he doesn’t play a pipe/flute. 

5. Trickster II (Axel Walker). Axel was actually decent in the CW show. I still like comic Axel better, but they got the gist of his character down and even made him a bit sympathetic. In fact, he’s probably in the top three best Rogue adaptations that the CW did. 

6. Trickster I (James Jesse). I love watching Mark Hamill play CW’s Trickster...but man, he is not playing Giovanni Giuseppi on the CW show. He’s playing the Joker with a different name. It’s especially weird since we know from JLU and that one short where Mark Hamill plays himself, the Joker, the Trickster, and Swamp Thing that Hamill can do a non-Joker Trickster and do it well, so my suspicion is that it was just because Trickster was also the Joker in the 1990s Flash show (where he was also played by Mark Hamill). Regardless, murdering random people and threatening to blow up small children during Christmas is not something the Trickster should be doing. 

Although this does prove Mark Hamill could do a live-action Joker. I’d pay money to see that. Mark Hamill is a great Joker. 

7. Weather Wizard. CW Weather Wizard isn’t egregiously bad. He’s not out-of-character like Trickster, and he’s not boring to watch, but at the same time it feels like there’s something missing. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t quote Twain. Maybe it’s because there’s not the sense that he was a loser before he got his powers. Maybe it’s because they changed his origin completely (and also made him older than Clyde for some reason). It could even be because he’s not wearing a green leotard with a huge collar, puffy sleeves, and ridiculous elf boots. Whatever it is, though, he’s just missing that spark that makes me like comic book Wizard so much. 

8. Mirror Master I (Sam Scudder). I don’t know how you make Sam Scudder more boring than New 52/Rebirth did, but somehow the CW version of the character pulled it off. Granted, Cold had already stolen some of Sam’s characterization, so that didn’t help, but they could’ve leaned into his skills as an inventor or his love of showmanship or something. Instead, we got a generic thug with what was basically Evan McCulloch’s power set. Boo! Boo I say! 

9. Top (Roscoe/Rosa Dillon). The Brave and the Bold Top is more interesting than the CW version, and he doesn’t even have spoken lines! That’s how boring this Top is. Also, the gender swap was pretty pointless. I wouldn’t have minded a female Top if she’d been intelligent and creepy and snobbish in the way that Roscoe is, but why even bother changing the gender if the character is going to have such a minor role? They also substantially depowered the CW Top, since Rosa can’t spin at super speed and isn’t telekinetic. A massive missed opportunity. 

10. Mirror Master II (Evan/Eva McCulloch). I can’t comment on how good of a character Eva is, since I haven’t watched any of the episodes with her in them, but I will say I am disappointed that the character does not seem to be Scottish, does not have Evan’s weird sense of humor, and lacks his tooth gap. 

11. Captain Boomerang (George “Digger” Harkness). Not only did he not actually appear on the Flash, but he was also boring and didn’t even seem to have an Australian accent. I was very disappointed with his role in the CW. 

And now for characters who aren’t Rogues: 

-CW Eobard is really good. I have no real complaints about him. 

-CW Grodd is also really good, though I do wish he was from Gorilla City as per the comics rather than a lab experiment. 

-CW Magenta got most of the important character beats down but felt a bit out of place with Barry as the Flash. 

-CW Shade was possibly even more boring than CW Sam, which is saying something. 

-CW Zoom didn’t really feel like Zoom at all. Not only was it weird to see him fighting Barry and not Wally, but he was just a generic serial killer and didn’t have Zolomon’s unique outlook on the world. The loss of his time manipulation powers was likewise disappointing.

-CW Jay is really good. I love him. 

-CW Jesse Quick has very little in common with her comic book counterpart; I like the comic version better but don’t actually mind the CW version all that much.

-CW Wally is decent enough, though I don’t see why they couldn’t have kept him as Iris’ nephew rather than making him her brother. Also, they didn’t use him nearly as much as they should have. 

-CW Barry I generally like a lot; Grant Gustin is a good fit for the character. That being said, I do wish they hadn’t given him the dead mom origin, which was a retcon I am not fond of. 

-CW Iris is quite good (in the first three seasons, at least); she’s intelligent, loyal to Barry, dedicated to her job, and quite independent. The fact that she and Barry were foster siblings in the CW universe is kind of weird, though, since it makes their romance kind of awkward. 

-Joe West is not Ira West (Iris’s father in the comics), but I actually don’t care. Joe West is made of awesome. (I like Ira too, but I like Joe enough that I don’t mind having him replace Ira.)

-The Fiddler on the CW had very little to do with the comic Fiddler. 

-I’ve never been particularly invested in the Thinker (comic or show), but I will say that the CW’s version of the character was very different from his comics counterpart. 

-CW Ragdoll was just as creepy and unsettling as comic book Ragdoll, though he had a very different backstory. 

-I never expected Baby Josh to make it into the CW, let alone as a gender-swapped teenager named Joss who wanted to kill Weather Wizard. It felt like they never knew where to go with her character, though, so it was a wasted opportunity. At least she didn’t die like poor Baby Josh, though. 

-Big Sir in the CW show is a MASSIVE improvement over the comic version. This is probably the only character I will say this about. Though I will say that I kind of wish he’d gotten his stupidly ugly comic book costume even though it would’ve made no sense. 

-Peek-a-Boo is a pretty solid adaptation of her comic book counterpart. 

-Rainbow Raider (Prism) is much better in the comics than on the CW show, where he only existed to be a boring plot device. 

-Linda Park dating Barry was weird, but they actually did a good job with her character before she vanished.

This is not intended as a criticism of anyone who likes the show or its characters; it’s just me musing about my personal problems with it. 

[alorenawrites]

On Words and Meaning

So I've been thinking a lot about how Loki is being discussed and the words used, particularly by Hiddleston, given his bent for using literary language in his descriptions. There are three words I want to touch on in this little post, one of them definitely rooted in his usage.

So the first I want to touch on is the term "romance." We've heard (often from Hiddleston), that Loki is, at heart, a romance. I think there's a dimension of the discussion missing in these conversations in that is important to consider.

To the layman, a romance is simply a love story, sometimes with a sexual undertone. But in the literary sense, a romance is a much deeper genre. I want to consider that this layer may also be present in Hiddleston's intent on using the term in describing the story arc. It certainly is in mine, as someone with a fascination with literary form and also with an English degree who has spent way too much time exploring genre.

So firstly, we need to define "romance." From literaryterms.net:

I. What is Romance?

In the strictest academic terms, a romance is a narrative genre in literature that involves a mysterious, adventurous, or spiritual story line where the focus is on a quest that involves bravery and strong values, not always a love interest. However, modern definitions of romance also include stories that have a relationship issue as the main focus.

II. Examples of Romance

In the academic sense, an example of a romance is a story in which the main character is a hero who must conquer various challenges as part of a quest. Each challenge could be its own story and can be taken out of the overall story without harming the plot.

Example 1

A knight who wishes to prove himself by recovering a stolen heirloom from an enemy may find himself attempting to make his way through a dangerous wood filled with thieves.

Once he has accomplished this challenge, he may find himself climbing a tall mountain on which a group of people are in trouble. He would save the group somehow, and then move on.

Then the final stage: the enemy’s kingdom. There may be a fair maiden whom he meets and somehow helps or rescues, or perhaps she helps him.

But the fair maiden is not the focus of the story – his quest is the focus. Each story can be taken out, yet each builds the hero’s strength to face his final quest. These stories tend to be serious rather than humorous and touch on strong values.

In considering this, I've thought about Loki's arc as a quest that does, indeed, involve the discovery and exploration of strong values with a three part quest, though I don't think the quests entirely stand on their own. The overarching theme is about Loki discovering his sense of self- his quest to become a full person, not just a trope for the universe to exploit so others can reach their better selves. I divide the show up in to three quests. The first, in episodes 1 and 2, is Loki finding a sense of purpose in the new world- his quest is to discover who this new variant is and where they are hiding. This is resolved by the end of that second episode. The second arc takes place in the next two episodes- Loki discovering his empathy for others is the continuation of the overarching personal development plot, while his quest is to discover Sylvie's goals and to uncover/share the truth behind the TVA. And in our third section, episodes 5 and 6, we get the culmination of the personal growth arc in his ultimate discovery of different facets of himself (illuminated by the different elements of self shown in the multitude of variant Lokis) while the quest is to uncover who is in control of the Sacred Timeline and why. The differences in colour palettes, settings, tones, etc. between the three episode pairings is a part of how I started to distinguish my thoughts on each. And regardless of the visual distinctions, I most definitely see the entire arc as exploring strong values and bravery, though the bravery is multi-layered, showing not only the visible bravery of facing down an apocalypse, Alioth, etc., but the internal bravery of challenging one's self and digging deep into discovering who one really is. This is a theme of queerness that I see lingering in this series- discovering who we are is a process, not an outcome.

I think that this definition of a romance, in the classical sense, is a little oversimplified, as there is often a theme of discovery of self or improvement of self along the way. In a Gothic romance, themes of "the people are the real monsters" come into play (Crimson Peak is an excellent example of this)- there may be elements of the supernatural, but the real thing of which the viewer/reader should be afraid is the person behind the curtain. Gothic romances also often do include a love story arc, but it is often deeply flawed on some level and often also includes some sort of sexual or romantic awakening, often by a female lead, that leads to the discovery of whatever darker is taking place (Crimson Peak turns this on its head in that it is Thomas' awakening with Edith that leads to his turning point and Edith's realization that the Sharpe siblings are the monsters, not the ghosts in the hall). The themes of discovery of self, or of the fortitude of moral values, or of the journey of a person's development, play into both a Gothic romance and its foundations in a classical romance.

So. There's part 1 of this ramble.

On to part 2!

The next word I want to examine is the term "relationship" and its companion, "love." Now, mind you, I come at this from a queer perspective as a demisexual, demiromantic individual, so these two words are ones I've spent a LOT of time pondering, in the quest to define my own identity.

We've heard the term "relationship" tossed around so often with only a romantic implication attached, but in truth, this word is so much more broad than this. You are in a relationship with your barber. You are in a relationship with your cat. You are in a relationship with a spiritual advisor, a professor, your best friend, your partner. Just because it is so heavily used in this way doesn't mean the relationship is only an intimate one (though intimate relationships are also not inherently sexual or romantic in nature, either, so let's remember this as well). Now if we break down what a relationship is, it's just a consistent interaction with someone based on some common interest or goal. It's a remarkably benign word. Its connotations, however, take it in a multitude of directions.

So let's look at it through the lens of an intimate relationship and add in the component of love. We'll start with just a blanket statement that love is not only one single thing. It isn't just romantic. It is our family, our friends, our pets, pie, the colour blue, that feeling of perfection when the waves of a warm lake brush over your calves...love is embedded in the experiences of these things. We love them. Love it as vast and broad as relationships. We love places, people, things, and experiences. We love ourselves (or we try to learn to).

In my world, through my particular brand of queerness, love changes in intimate relationships on a regular basis. I love my partner dearly. But on some days, that love is to my best friend, while other days, it is a romantic love and on others, sexual expression may be involved, but they may overlap in different ways. Sexual expression is independent of romantic attraction and the degree of each isn't tied together in any way. If we can separate these things, I think we can see the relationships in our everyday lives in different lights and with greater complexity.

I also think that looking at these things through the lens of diverse sexual and romantic experiences can inform how we interpret the Loki x Sylvie pairing and why some of us just aren't bothered by it (though certainly not the only reason people aren't).

We've been told Loki loves Sylvie. That much is beautifully clear. But love (and being in a relationship) doesn't automatically mean that 1) both parties are experiencing it in the same way, 2) both parties have the same approach or priorities, 3) the level of romance is necessarily the same between the people involved, 4) that sexual attraction exists at all.

Sometimes a kiss is a form of communication and not tied to the want to shag someone.

So this is where my interpretation of this particular pairing comes into play. I do see the story as a romance, in the classical sense, but also with a slight streak of the more modern sense involved. The focus is still on the quest, even when the love story emerges. And that is where I see the priorities of these characters and their definitions of the relationship differing and I analyze it through these different dimensions of love and relationship orientations.

Loki actually embodies one of the traits I've seen listed for demisexuals- we hold our friendships extremely close and because we hold our friendships the way we do, it isn't uncommon for us to end up with crushes on our best friends (and no, they don't generally develop into other forms of relationships, but they could). This is the phase in which I see Loki by episode 6. He has formed this intense bond, unlike any other it seems he's had, and his heart is breaking over the thought of losing her to her own rage. All he wants is for her to be OK, remember? This isn't a selfish action. But I think it is significant that while he tries to stop her, he's not the one who initiates the kiss. All his actions here are ones that a close friend would also do for their best friend. Like, I'd try to stop my besties from inadvertently destroying the universe. I'd even throw down over it. And for the exact same reasons- the risks are too great, we need to think, and I want them to be OK. Almost everything Loki does throughout his growing closeness to Sylvie is something I'd do for one of the people I've told I'd defend- as in, I literally told some of these people, "anybody messes with you, I'll cut a bitch- just tell me who and I'm there."

So because of all this, I don't see this relationship as sexual in any way. Romantic? Possibly. But not necessarily. Even being in love with one another doesn't mean a relationship has to have a sexual component.

Looking at Sylvie, I see her also as having found companionship with Loki, but her overriding goal is, ultimately, not to bond with someone- it's her mission. And she has sacrificed her entire life because of the TVA to this mission. She tells him repeatedly, in one way or another, that the mission comes first. Yes, she does care about him, but I don't think the way she cares about him is the same as the way he cares about her because they have differing priorities and needs (and hence why she feels betrayed by him when he tries to stop her). Or at least she hasn't allowed herself to express that. When she falls to the ground after she's killed He Who Remains, I think we get a glimpse of what Loki meant to her- she is alone, she grieves, and there is no meaning left to her story. She's done what she dedicated her entire life to and the person who could have given it other meaning is no longer beside her.

I still don't think that the first thing they would do upon seeing each other is suck face and have wild sex. Would that bother me? No, not really. I can headcanon something different than what actually happens, I'm fine with that (just look at all this glorious headcanoning happening right here!) I'd like it to stay a romantic friendship (queer platonic relationships for the win- they're squishes!) because I don't think we hardly ever see those types of relationships and queer platonic relationships are incredibly beautiful and powerful and yes, based on love and maybe even romance, in their own way. They are defined by the people in them, as are all relationships.

And now to address "but she kissed him!"

Yes, she did. And I've kissed my partner when there wasn't romance involved because I wanted to share a moment, to express something deeper than I had words for (yes, even on one of my aromantic leaning days), or just because it's fun. And it doesn't have to "match" up with how the other partner feels it, either, so long as the message itself is what comes across. This is how I read the Sylvie x Loki kiss. It was a message of worthiness. Loki's entire arc, including in that scene, is in discovering if he's anyone different than the monster he's made himself out to be (and encouraged others to see him as). He tells Sylvie that he can't be trusted, falling back on the habit of characterizing himself as the professional liar, the one who can't form those attachments which are built on trust. He also identifies her as someone incapable of trust in that moment, which I think is also a projection of how he sees himself. He tells Mobius he can only trust himself and the show slowly shows Loki coming to trust others, but in this moment in the Citadel, he's falling back on a different perception of himself.

This is where the kiss comes in, for me. Sylvie isn't trying to tell him she'd jump him right then and there, if things were different. Sylvie is trying to tell him that she does trust him, that he can be trusted, and that he is worthy of the affection of a friend, even if she can't have him in her way. She is prioritizing her mission, yes, but not without giving him some sort of reassurance, in her own way, that this rejection isn't personal. That he isn't too broken to be loved. It doesn't have to go into romance (not saying it couldn't, just saying it isn't a requirement). It doesn't have to go into sexual relationship territory.

Maybe I see this so vastly differently because of my experiences exploring gender, sexuality, and romantic orientation. Maybe I see this so differently because at this stage in my life, I would absolutely kiss a friend if I felt something so heavy was going to break them. I have a friend I say "I love you" to every time we talk on the phone or video chat- we've been together for 20 years. I've got photo proof of a snuggle pile of friends when I was a young adult. I've shared a bed with a friend with no reason other than that we didn't want to sleep on the floor and why not. I've had friendships that were awkward to start and intense once they got going that are absolutely still important in my life. I've had crushes on friends that have faded and just shown me another dimension of what it is to love someone. I've watched adults who struggle to make connections to other people discover those moments of awkward "how do I do friend mode?" and come out stronger for them, with that huge sense of victory hidden behind a small smile they don't want to share with anyone else quite yet.

I see so much possibility in how we interpret a television show reduced to "it's a romance and that's sick and incest and he wants to fuck himself!" and it just saddens me that so many people have such a limited understanding and experience of the depth and breadth of human relationships and of how people love one another.

[sevenkittensinatrenchcoat]

1998 Film Mungojerrie Rewatch Part 3

I’ve had the pictures saved for this for almost a week now, but if you’ve followed the other recent posts on this blog, you can see that I’ve gotten very sidetracked. I’ll probably continue to get sidetracked a lot, but the rewatches will continue.

Now, it’s time once again for The Awful Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles and The Rest of the Absurdly Long Full Title Rumpus Cat!

But, the twins skipped rehearsals and Jerrie is about to reach peak Doesn’t Know What’s Going On. While Rumpleteazer seems to be able to awkwardly improvise through it with cues from Munkustrap, her brother, with the smaller half of the braincell, is hopelessly lost the entire time. 

As everyone gets into place, Jerrie talks to Jemima, asking what’s going on now. She can’t help him now, since there’s no time to explain. He’ll just have to go to stage right and try his best.

And that’s who Mungojerrie ended up with a shoe on his head, boxes on his paws, an no time to change out of his crop top before it got covered in even more garbage, with absolutely no idea why any of this is happening. Jerrie’s probably had weirder nights out than this, but at least he thought he did something cool in all those stories.

We’ve already gone over the routine of Jerrie messing up his barks, but, not only did Munkustrap point to each twin when it was their turn, not only did Teazer also start pointing to help Jerrie out when he messed up, Jerrie points to Teazer on her first turn, demonstrating some comprehension of how this is supposed to work. And he still doesn’t get it.

He barks twice again, despite everyone, himself included, being aware that this wasn’t right.

Munkustrap can’t figure out if Jerrie’s doing it on purpose or if he’s just that stupid. Really, it could be either one. If he is doing this to troll, Teazer wasn’t in on it and is ashamed to have been involved at all.

Munkustrap suggests that Jerrie should just forget it and go get in line with the other toms. There’s no line forming at the moment, so Jerrie still doesn’t get it and conditions are not about to improve. Teazer laments her existence. 

While Munkustrap prays to every possible feline deity for strength, Jerrie decides to let Pouncival go ahead of him in the line. He assumes that Pouncival was at the rehearsals and knows what they’re supposed to do, so he’ll just follow him. As a kitten, with parents that would care if he skipped rehearsals, Pouncival probably did attend them. He just really wasn’t paying attention. He also never realized that his costume didn’t quite fit and he couldn’t see out of his shoebox. But, Pouncival always likes to be the first to show up to everything, so he’s the one who volunteered to take the lead. You can see Responsible Adults in the line. Asparagus knows what he’s doing. Even Alonzo or Coricopat probably know, but Pouncival went first in rehearsals because Mungojerrie wasn’t there, so they’re used to it by now.

After a lot of nearly crashing into things and going the wrong way, Munkustrap decides that Pouncival needs to be stopped. Jerrie Doesn’t Know What’s Going On. Why are they stopping? How was he supposed to know that Pouncival was leading them the wrong way? Why can’t they just keep going?

After that fiasco, Asparagus gives Jerrie a talking-to. Jerrie wonders why he’s in more trouble than Pouncival is. All of this is very hard to see because the Scottish Pollicles are hard to ignore. Skimble’s a cat who cannot be ignored by his admission and the camera thinks Misto’s the main character.

Enter Tugger on the bagpipes. Jerrie Doesn’t Know What’s Going On. But, this time, nobody does, except for Tugger himself and Pouncival who was in on it. It’s why he didn’t pay attention during rehearsals. He was starstruck that Tugger wanted to conspire with him of all people.

When everyone gets caught up barking, Jerrie Doesn’t Know What’s Going On, so he’s the only one who’s actually behaving himself. That literally never happens, so the idea that he’s become the well-behaved one probably sends him spiraling into an existential crisis.

Coricopat and Jerrie, apparently independently of one another, because they’re looking opposite directions, both decide that since Doggo Go Pant they should have their tonbues out like panting dogs.

And as everyone cowers in fear of the Great Rumpus Cat, Jerrie Doesn’t Know What’s Going On and just points.

Everything I have to say about Jerrie during the Song of the Jellicles basically applies to Teazer as well. But, the two eventually separate and while Teazer stays up front with the her queen friends, Jerrie wanders off and ends up hanging out with Tantomile. It’s really hard to tell Coricopat and Tantomile appear from a distance, but I’m pretty sure it’s her, because throughout the first part of the Jellicle Ball, Jerrie and Tantomile are consistently right next to each other.

You can see that when everyone gathers together to watch a plane go by and then hiss at the camera, Mungojerrie is between Teazer and Tantomile, because she was who he was standing closest to when they flocked together.

You might be wondering why I keep pointing this out, because two character happening to be standing next to one another for a while doesn’t really mean anything, but I think that this might’ve been supposed to mean something and I’ll explain why.

So, we have this Big Sexy Dance where the younger adult queens (and Etcetera) dance and Tugger leads a group of toms to join them. Jerrie is not one of those toms. He spends the scene sitting on the car, watching from a distance. Jenny’s there too, so I guess he’s taking time to say hi to his mom. What a nice young man!

Skimbledad comes along to join the family as the toms and queens pair off. Alonzo dances with Etcetera and George with Cassandra, though they switch partners for the Can’t Believe It’s a Mating Dance. Since Alonzo and Cassandra already appear to be a thing, I don’t know why they didn’t do this before. Etcetera isn’t supposed to be here and Alonzo just decides that since this dance is already becoming an inappropriate disaster, he might as well make a contribution.

Tugger is with Bomba, which is to be expected. They’re basically Friends With Benefits. Plato and Demeter is a bit random, but since Victoria’s not an option Plato has to go with someone else. Why her and not Tantomile? I mean, that’s left poor Coricopat dancing with his sister while most of the other guys are getting to sexy dance with women they’re not related to.

Well, I think this is because, for whatever reason, whether in-universe or out, Coricopat wasn’t actually supposed to be part of this dance at all. Mungojerrie was. If he’d been cozying up to Tantomile before, he’d obviously pair off with her, leaving Plato and Demeter as the only two left.

Tugger leads a group of toms in another dance later, and it’s all the same toms that he leads here: George, Plato, and Alonzo. But, Coricopat is swapped out for Mungojerrie. What if Mungojerrie was supposed to be one of Tugger’s Boys in both dances? Putting him close to Tantomile earlier in the ball would build up to that and since this particular dance is a bit more sexualized than some of the other dances, having two siblings together wouldn’t have fit the pattern.

During the whole Jellicle Ball, Mungojerrie ends up in the back of the crowd quite a bit with Rumpleteazer is usually right up front, on of the more featured dancers. Since we’ve already seen Jerrie and Teazer’s number, they’re equally skilled dancers, so it’s not like they were trying to hide Drew Varley because he wasn’t good enough. But, combined with his absence from Tugger’s number, I think something was going on there. Varley was playing Mungojerrie on stage during this time, so maybe he was getting tired out from doing the show at night and they decided to lighten the load for him during the filming, but he wasn’t the only one in this situation. Jo Gibb, who played Rumpleteazer was in the exact same situation. This whole thing might just be a bunch of really weird coincidences, for all I know. I don’t doubt the qualifications of anyone involved, but this is odd.

So, pretty that Jerrie dances with Tantomile instead of Coricopat. It makes more sense that way.

Mungojerrie’s back for the ballet, but ballet’s not his style, so He Doesn’t Know What’s Going On. Teazer, on the other hand, appears to be hard at work to impress Victoria, the Ballet Queen of the Jellicles.

Okay, Not Mating Dance Time. All pairs of twin siblings end up together for this bit. Coricopat and Tantomile sit next to each other and stare out into space. Meanwhile, Rumpleteazer is really into watching the Platoria action while Mungojerrie is pretty much already asleep, only looking up occasionally. Both Plato and Jerrie are in the club of Tugger’s Boys and both Victoria and Teazer are part of the Hormonal Trio, so they’re both watching their friends hook up here, which has to an interesting experience.

This bit should’ve been in the Teazer rewatch, but I didn’t catch it until later. When everyone falls asleep in the Cuddle Pile, Tugger wraps his arm around a nearby leg. The lighting at this angle made it hard to see whose leg it was, so I, because I have no life, went frame by frame through this portion of the Jellicle Ball and watched the Cuddle Pile form to see where limbs were ending up. I took a bunch of screenshots of everyone’s journey from pairing off to the Cuddle Pile, because why not do that while I was there. But, I eventually figured out that The Leg is Rumpleteazer’s. She tried to cozy up to Tugger when everyone was pairing off and he appeared to turn her down, but I guess he’s humoring her a bit by cuddling with her in the Cuddle Pile.

Jerrie doesn’t acknowledge Grizabella at all, so I’ll just end on this picture of Tugger’s Boys because of my previous claims. George is hiding, but Coricopat and Jerrie definitely swapped out.

[raeynbowboi]

Bob’s Burgers 10th Anniversary Retrospective

After ten years, Bob, Linda, and the Kids are just as delightfully wacky and endearing as they ever were, and show no signs of slowing down. So I wanted to put together an ultra mega review of the series. I’ll give an opinion on main and recurring characters, as with a cast this big, there’s been a lot of endearing characters to grace the show over the years. However, I will only be counting characters that have appeared more than once. After ten years, there’s been some real gems, and some real misfires. So, I’ll be counting down my top 10 best episodes, and the bottom 10 worst episodes. I’ll also go through as a Highlight Reel, by picking a best and worst episode of each season, as well as crowning the Best Season with the most good episodes.

Bob Belcher

Honestly, Bob was a very easy character to mess up. He’s the straight man to his wacky family’s antics. But the show does a really great job making Bob simple and lowkey without making him boring or a stick in the mud. He may be resistant to weird things, but he puts up with it anyway to make his family happy.  While he’s the serious straight man, they don’t fail to give Bob his own eccentricities and quirks that make him relatable and funny in his own way. Whether he’s making things talk, getting weirdly excited about Thanksgiving, or his awkward way of speaking, Bob is genuinely a good and relatable character. It’s also nice to see that Bob is a great husband and a loving father. He and Linda argue from time to time, but they’re not trapped in a loveless marriage for the kid’s sake like most shows. And even shows where that’s not a selling point like American Dad, Bob shows more remorse for things like forgetting their anniversary than Stan does for Francine. Bob is supportive, loving, and forgiving. Which is just amazing to watch. The times when his kids really need him, he’s there for them, and he helps them through their problems. While Bob might fight with and get mad with or annoyed by his family, Bob never treats them like people he’s stuck with. Frankly, Bob blows most animated TV dads out of the water. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Stan or Francine give quiet supportive talks to Steve or Hayley ever in American Dad. Peter used to at least try to be a decent father, but now is a negligent toddler. Likewise, Homer used to be a great father who cared about his kids, but later seasons have really stepped away from the family angle the Simpsons used to have. In a sea of adult animated families that are toxic and destructive, Bob’s genuine love for his family came as a breath of fresh air.

Linda Belcher

Linda is by far the best Adult Animation TV mom there is. For one thing, she’s funnier than Francine, Lois, and Marge combined. But more importantly, she’s not the butt of the joke when it happens. I can only really remember laughing at Francine when they make dumb blonde jokes with her, but Linda’s jokes come from her character. She could have easily been the gender inverted Homer or Peter, but the writers are careful to make her gullible, trusting, and goofy without making her a moron. When the kids do something wrong, Linda busts out the tough mom act and you genuinely believe that the kids are in trouble. She’s not faking it. She’s not off in her own little world. She’s a bit of a goofy dreamer, but she’s able to be the tough disciplinarian when she needs to be. Her relationship with Bob is also better than most adult animation wives. She’s more independent than the other housewives, and even though her job is working with her husband, it never feels like it robs Linda of her own power, autonomy, and freedom. But the best thing about Linda is that I think most people can agree, she has an extremely strong and charming personality that endears us to her.

Tina Belcher

I really wish I could say I liked Tina more. She’s a creative romantic, just like me. I should love her. But her monotone deliveries and awkwardness isn’t as endearing as Bob’s. I like her better in episodes like Teen-A Witch and Broadcast Wagstaff School News where she has a bit stronger of a personality. But unfortunately, Tina is my least favorite member of the Belcher family, which isn’t to say that I hate her, she just doesn’t shine as bright as the rest of her family. She’s just not very funny or interesting on her own. But on the plus side, at least I don’t find Tina to be annoying or terrible except in the rare bad episode.

Gene Belcher

Gene is the only member of the family that can regularly get my dad to laugh, and with good reason. If he wasn’t such a well of nonsequitor punchlines, Gene would probably be the worst member of the family, but boy howdy do those random jokes pick up the slack. Gene is genuinely hilarious, even if I’d only rank him above Tina in terms of favoritism. However, I find that most Gene-centric episodes to be lackluster or below average. I think Gene’s best episode is probably Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien, but of the best episodes, none really come to mind that specifically star Gene. Gene is really better suited for a supporting role, and his times as the star showcase why comic reliefs aren’t the main character. They’re support characters for a reason. That’s not to say Gene-centric episodes are terrible. They just tend to range from about average to bad. Though Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien is a pretty good one.

Louise Belcher

Bob and Linda saved the best for last because Louise is the breakout star of the show. Funny, interesting, and the focus of many of the better episodes, Louise stands proudly on the first place podium with Linda in 2nd and Bob taking 3rd place. I think Louise’s strengths are especially due to her standoffish and naughty personality, which has lent itself to a lot of good character growth episodes. Season 10 Louise seems a lot more mature than Season 1 Louise. I think Louise works because while she does often have clever or sneaky solutions to problems, they don’t forget that she’s 9, so unlike Stewie, her age does present hurdles and barriers to her schemes and plans.

The Best and Worst of Bob’s Burgers

#10 WORST: Pro-Tiki/Con-Tiki (S6e15)

Why couldn’t Warren Fitzgerald just put that $100,000 into advertisements or to help Bob buy better equipment for his restaurant? My biggest issue with this episode isn’t the episode itself, it’s that the ending makes no sense. Warren wants to help Bob because he has a form of riches Warren lacks, and Bob doesn’t want a corporate sponsor to make changes to his brand. But why can’t Warren just give Bob the money to make choices he wants to make? They could stay as business partners, but Bob doesn’t have to sacrifice his personal vision for the restaurant. It’s just really frustrating when they’re both being too stupid and stubborn to see the obvious solution in front of their faces.

#10 BEST: Teen-a Witch (S7e03)

One of Tina’s best episodes, as someone who had a goth phase myself and dabbled a tiny amount in ‘witchcraft’, this episode brings back memories of high school and the desire to make the world what I wanted it to be. But on top of that, Tina with a backbone is when she really shines as a character, mostly because it means her humor isn’t being derived from her being awkward.

#9 WORST: Live and Let Fly (S9e05)

Mr. Frond embarrasses the kids, and they team up with Up-Skirt Kurt to get revenge against his sister and Mr. Frond. I’m not a fan of Kurt, so I already don’t care much about his feud with his sister, but I also just find the episode kind of boring. I don’t care about Kurt, I don’t care about his feud, and the kids call off their revenge, so that ends up not mattering either. Even Bob and Linda’s side plot is only middle-of-the-road quality for Bob’s Burgers.

#9 BEST: Wharf Horse/World Wharf II (S4e21-22)

The very first two-part episode Bob’s Burgers ever had, the season 4 finale is a great watching experience. It has some fun songs, funny character exchanges, suspenseful drama, and some heartfelt moments. It feels like a short movie, and that’s a good thing for a two-part episode to do. Even Fanny and Felix are interesting villains. But even after everything Felix did, I don’t find myself loathing him in later episodes, and that’s a hard thing to accomplish.

#8 WORST: Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks (S3e07)

This is the only bad Tina episode where the problem isn’t Tina herself. My biggest issue with this episode is more just the subject matter. Bob lies for insurance reasons about who was driving his car, and the entire episode is just Bob and Tina digging a deeper and deeper hole for themselves. The solution to the issue is clever enough to redeem the episode somewhat, but the majority of the watching experience is just kind of an awkward dance of watching these two getting tangled up in a web of lies.

#8 BEST: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three (S9e02)

Bar none, this is the single best ‘Heist’ episode of Bob’s Burgers, and it’s kind of crazy that Bob’s Burgers has actually built a repertoire to where I can make a list of ‘heist’ episodes as an archetype. This one feels the most like an actual heist movie, and the ending is legitimately clever and unexpected. But even more than that, if you’re paying attention, you can see the twist before the characters even reveal it. That is the kind of tight writing that makes the list for best episodes.

#7 WORST: A Fish Called Tina (S10e12)

Tina spends an episode trying way too hard to make someone like her, to the point that she almost humiliates a 4th grader in public just so she can live out some fantasy. It’s really uncomfortable and sickening to watch Tina do this. This will be a recurring issue with Tina’s low-point episodes. There’s nothing fun about watching a character make a complete idiot out of themselves by coming on too strong. It even makes me groan when Kaylie shows up in another Season 10 episode because I don’t want to have to think about this awful episode.

#7 BEST: Stand By Gene (S6e12)

Something about this episode really just brings back memories of my childhood. Memories of walking through the outdoors, just exploring and wanting to find things. The characters are funny, and Bob and Linda’s relationship is put to the test. Plus, I loved that for the entire episode, you don’t know how it’ll end. It really makes this a personal favorite and one of the episodes I knew had to make it on my list.

#6 WORST: The Grand Mama-Pest Hotel (S7e13)

Linda ruins things for Tina by being an overbearing annoyance. Are you noticing a trend with Bob’s Burgers’ worst episodes? I don’t like it when good characters make complete jackasses out of themselves in the name of ‘humor’. It’s not funny. It’s annoying and makes me dislike them. Thankfully, the worst of it is only in the latter half of the 2nd act and the entire third act, but Linda’s behavior just makes me cringe and ask why they had to do Linda dirty like this? It just puts me even more squarely on the side that Tina is entirely in the right and I don’t want to deal with Lind either.

#6 BEST: Broadcast Wagstaff School News (S3e12)

From Tina at her lowest point to Tina at her best, Broadcast Wagstaff School News is my favorite episode of the first 5 seasons. Tina’s funny and engaging, Gene is absolutely shining as Little Bob, and while Louise and Linda play supporting roles in this episode, they’re still funny as well. Plus, the mystery is a good one, and this episode is even referenced in later seasons.

#5 WORST: Mazel-Tina (S4e13)

Tina ruins Tammy’s birthday and steals her party. This is Tina at rock bottom. Tina is so despicable, cruel, and selfish in this episode that it reminds me that behind that creative awkward girl is a selfish brat who doesn’t care if she hurts other people if she can live out her fantasies. If other episodes didn’t rescue Tina from being so unlikable, I probably would hate Tina as a character entirely for her behavior in this episode.

#5 BEST: The Silence of the Louise (S8e02)

Movie parodies are some of the best, and The Silence of the Louise is the queen of all the movie parodies. When Mr. Frond’s therapy dolls are mutilated, and the school staff calls off the waterpark trip until the culprit is caught, Louise teams up with psycho Millie to figure out whodunnit. This is also one of the first time Millie wasn’t strictly an antagonist, and she genuinely felt like someone who could be Louise’s friend someday.

#4 WORST: Boywatch (S8e16)

Tina ruins things for other people by coming on too strong. The only reason this is ranked higher than Mozel-Tina is because in that episode, she just wanted to be at the party, and just kind of ended up as the star of the party and let it go to her head, whereas here, she is actively ruining things for other people in pursuit of her own delusions and fantasies. Tina has no desire to be a junior lifeguard, but cute boys causes her to behave like a troublemaker. She’s entirely out of character, and her teammates’ hate for her behavior is something I agree with. I don’t want to hate the main characters, so why does this show keep pushing to make Tina a nuisance who ruins experiences for other people?

#4 BEST: The Quirkducers (S7e06)

If the Silence of the Louise is the queen of film parodies, then The Quirkducers is the king. Not only is it a clever parody of The Producers, but it also has some damn good musical numbers, especially the edited end credit version. But it’s Tina’s song at the end that stands as one of my favorites of all Bob’s Burgers’ songs.

#3 WORST: Bed & Breakfast (S1e07)

If a Fish Called Tina is bad, then Bed & Breakfast is flaming garbage. Linda turns their apartment into a Bed and Breakfast, and Linda goes berserk when the guests don’t play into her expectations. This episode verges from below average to detestable as Linda goes insane and locks people in their rooms, and Louise drives a grown man to attack workers by preying on his fear. 

#3 BEST: The Hauntening (S6e03)

This is hands-down the best Halloween episode that Bob’s Burgers ever made. This show turns out some amazing holiday episodes, and this is one of the best the Belchers have to offer. I won’t dare give away anything about this episode. If you’ve seen it, you know why it’s top of the heap, and if you haven’t, then all I can say is what are you waiting for? Delayed gratification has to pay off eventually.

#2 WORST: Every Which Way But Goose (S9e14)

Tina falls in love with a goose. Who smoked crack before writing this episode, and who huffed enough paint thinner to approve this episode for production? This is the absolute dumbest concept for an episode I have ever come across. Who thought this was a good idea? I can’t even pinpoint the flaws because this entire episode is just so flawed. At least Mazel-Tina and Boywatch enrage me. This just baffles me.

#2 BEST: A Few Gurt Men (S7e11)

When Mr. Ambrose accuses Mr. Frond of stealing his yogurt from the faculty lounge, the case is brought before student court, and Louise is tasked with acting as Defense Council for Mr. Frond. One thing Bob’s Burgers does well is mysteries, and this is a good one as Louise has to figure out a way to prove Frond’s innocence. This is just an absolute personal favorite. Every character is just on point, and I get excited when the episode starts to que up.

#1 WORST: Moody Foodie (S2e07)

Did you ever want to watch the Belchers commit a felony? Then boy howdy do I have an episode for you! A picky food critic responsible for shutting down restaurants comes to Bob’s Burgers. Bob messes up the order, and a visit to the critic’s house to get him to try his burger again leads to a hostage situation with the critic tied to a chair and gagged in his own home. Words cannot describe the depth to which I hate this episode. The entire episode feels dirty and vile. I feel the need to scrub my skin raw after sitting through this episode. The instant I realize that it’s come on, I skip the the next one. I have literally only sat through this episode once. This episode disgusts me. This episode has the main character, abduct somebody in their own home. Then they take a second hostage when a mailman delivers the guy’s package. Luckily, Bob’s Burgers has a lot of good episodes to make up for this one bad egg, but this episode enrages me to the point that if the family wasn’t so charming and endearing most of the time, I might have stopped watching based just on this one episode.

#1 BEST: The Bleakening: Part 1 & 2 (S8e06-07)

The first time I saw these episodes, they played back to back without any credits in between them, and I thought it was one episode, and I didn’t even realize it was the length of two episodes. Between the amazing songs, the brain bending twists, the creative creature, the dark elements that contrast the bright lights of the holidays, and the uplifting ending, this pair of episodes stands paramount as the single greatest viewing experience that Bob’s Burgers has to offer.

Favorite Friend of the Kids: Regular-Sized Rudy

First appearing in Carpe Museum, Rudy came back in The Kids Rob a Train, where he has remained a friend of the kids since. Rudy was the first to join the kids if you don’t count Andy and Ollie who seem to dip in and back out as to whether they’re included in the friend group. Rudy was thus the first to be made a main member of the kids’ friend group.

Favorite Schoolyard Seven: Jocelyn

The Schoolyard Seven is the friend group of the three Belchers, Jimmy Jr., Zeke, Tammy, and Jocelyn. Not counting the Belchers, it was a close call between Zeke and Jocelyn. Tammy and Jimmy Jr. tend to be typecast as serving one niche thing, but Zeke and Jocelyn are often the comedic gold. However, while Zeke is more interesting of the two, I just enjoy Jocelyn too much to not give her the win. Even if Jocelyn’s humor is just a walking dumb blonde trope, like Gene, Jocelyn has a knack for funny one-liners. If the groups has another name, I’m not privy to it.

Favorite Friend of the Family: Micky

Though he’s less connected to the family now, Micky has been a friend to the Belchers since Bob Day Afternoon, and returning in Bob Fires the Kids. Since his introduction, Micky has gotten a job at Wonder Wharf, where he has remained since.

Favorite Recurring Villain: Logan Bush

First appearing in Ears-y Rider, Logan has been a fun and interesting frenemy for Louise to match wits with. In a show where most other villains are the same age as the main characters (Millie, Tammy, Chloe, Jimmy Pesto, Hugo) Logan stands out as a legitimate bully. Yet, even he was willing to work with Louise in Mother-Daughter Laser Razor, showing that there is wiggle room for the two of them to even join forces and spread havoc together.

Favorite Tina Love Interest: Duncan

Earnest if not a little awkward, Duncan seems like a sweet boy for Tina to possibly end up with. Sasha Whiteman is another character I could easily see being a good boyfriend to Tina because his quick wit and social graces make him a great foil to Tina, and he excels where Tina falls short. Zeke has a good chance to be a good boyfriend, but Tina still spits his name when she greets him, so I doubt she’d take interest in him unless something happens to change their dynamic. I liked Josh, but now that he’s said he doesn’t like her anymore and she agreed that she feels the same, I doubt we’re going to see them date further in the future.

Favorite Side Character: Nat Kinkle the Limo Driver

First appearing in Season 8 episode 8 V for Valentine-detta, I must not be the only fan of Nat’s because she made two appearances in the 10th season, in episode 1 The Ring (But Not Scary) and episode 17 Just the Trip. Currently with only 3 appearances, she’s still only a side character, but I get the feeling that like with Rudy, Courtney, Darrel and Alex before her, Nat will keep becoming a more frequent character. She just has a great vibe, and her charisma is intoxicating. She meshes great with the family, making her an absolute delight to watch.

Favorite Bit Character: Marshmallow

Although she’s appeared in multiple episodes since her introduction in Sheesh, Cab Bob, Marshmallow has never gotten much more than a couple lines, with her biggest role being in The Bleakening where she had more to say. She was also the first major LGBT+ recurring character on the show, which also made her a joy to see, whenever she returned to Bob’s Burgers.

Favorite Headcanon: Gene is Genderfluid

Gene’s jokes have been centered on his gender or sexuality since the first season finale. A joke once in a while is one thing, but ten years of the same sorts of jokes tells the sharp viewer that there’s more to it than just a running gag. With how many jokes have Gene talk about having boobs, synching his cycle, or calling himself Tina and Louise’s sister or Bob and Linda’s daughter, it’s my opinion that Gene is genderfluid, or possibly even transgender. The only reason I say genderfluid over a transgirl is because he still also addresses himself as a boy or a man as much as he does girl jokes.

Best Song: Twinkly Lights (Ms. XXX-Mas)

Not only does Toddrick Hall absolutely kill this performance, but I also love the meaning of the song about POC inclusivity and pride in the LGBT+ community. As the final song in The Bleakening, it’s one hell of a closing number, and I can’t help but dance in my seat whenever it plays. I’ve even listened to it independent from watching the show, and honor I don’t bestow on every song.

Best Episode Archetypes:

The Best Heist: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three

The Belcher kids have stolen a number of things. Chocolate, a bounce house, but the absolute creme de la creme of their heists is the procuring of the Dunebuggy from Family Funtime. When Family Funtime unplugs the macchines whenver the kids get too many tickets from them, the kids decide to pull off the heist of a century to make off with the biggest prize of the arcade: the dune buggy.

The Kids Tell An Anthology: Moms, Lies, and Videotapes

From the Gayle Tales to The Handyman Can, the kids have told a number of anthology stories, but the most impressive of the bunch is their stories of the mother’s day plays into three interesting stories. Though true to form, Gene’s is the weakest of the three, as his usually are. I don’t recall any time when his anthology was the best of the kids’, but then, Gene is not the most creative of the three children. His best story is probably in The Frond Files where his story’s world is colorful and fun to observe.

Best Musical Episode: The Bleakening

Not only do these episodes have a lot of musical numbers, but there is not a single one that doesn’t hit a home run. But more importantly, the entire episode is a musical, with each number helping to tie and bridge together the narrative, which is the entire purpose of musical numbers in a proper musical, which makes this the single best musical episode mainly because it’s the only episode that’s a true blue musical.

Best Holiday Episode: The Hauntening

With The Bleakening already taking the top spot for musical episodes, that leaves the Miss Congeniality of the holiday episodes to take the crown. I didn’t spoil anything about this episode above, and I won’t say a thing about it now. This episode is solid gold.

Best Film Parody: The Quirkducers

Not only is this episode clever in the way it uses its source material, but the family all have moments to shine despite the stars being Louise and Gene. The show also makes good use of the Schoolhouse Seven (the main group of the Belcher Kids, Jimmy and Zeke, and Tammy and Jocelyn), and each of them brings something great to the episode. It undoubtedly earned its place in the top 10, and will likely hold its place for years to come.

[noonaficcorner]

Rose-Colored Boy | Part Four

Paring: Mark Tuan | Reader

Genre/Rating: Friends to Lovers |  Fluff, Smut (later on), Slight Angst

Warning: Language

Summary: Working as a Nurse, Y/N's favorite pastime is getting lost in her favorite online game with her online gamer squad. After 2 years of online banter, Y/N finally gets the chance to get closer to and meet her online friend, Mark Tuan. With many things in common and the same twisted sense of humor, one thing still remains a mystery: Mark's career that causes him to constantly travel out of the country. Still, Y/N decides to take a chance on what could be more than just friendship and meets Mark for the first time. (New Summary thanks to a friend)

NOTES: Quick update!! I was really inspired and cranked this chapter out quick. I’m already working on the next but not sure when it will be up. I’m busy at the end of this month. So fingers crossed I get the next out in August.

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four

Everything you owned was crap. It was either scrubs or jeans and a t-shirt. It wasn’t like you didn’t have nice outfits. However, when you looked at all of it thrown across your bed in panic, you couldn’t seem to find anything decent. All of it felt dull and lackluster for what was about to happen. As you picked up what you deemed the cutest pair of jeans you owned, a black skinny pant with nicely placed rips, you started to realize why Mark kept his secret for as long as he did. Knowing who he was to the outside world made you start to question yourself even more. It made you wonder if you were enough to even just be in his presence. People pay thousands of dollars to just give him a hi-five and here you were, cursing him out for 2 years over the internet for free. If only they knew…

Holding up shirt after shirt to your chest, each one making you even more disgusted than the last. There had to be something that didn’t scream ‘try hard’ or ‘disgusting creature’. Snatching literally the last shirt out of your closet which happened to be a high-low blue striped button down, you threw it on over the black cami you already had on. It was almost time for you to leave the house without being late and if you started this whole process over again, you wouldn’t even go.

While you looked in the mirror finalizing the touches on your make-up, you realized that this isn’t some sort of date. Why were you putting so much effort to receive an apology? Blinking those wayward thoughts away before you went down another hole, you grabbed your purse and rushed out of your freshly messy apartment.

You had only been to Mark’s place once, but the muscle memory was there because you had played the scenes over in your mind for almost a week. It felt like you were standing in front of the intimidating high-rise in no time. Your body was moving through mind fog as you punched in his code and waited to be buzzed up. Even the elevator ride felt like an out of body experience. It wasn’t until the door was opening and you looked up and saw Mark that your soul snapped back into you and you could focus.

“I hope it wasn’t a hard trip.” He said as the door widened and you crossed the threshold. It had only been six days since you last saw him, but the purple in his hair was almost gone and his dark roots were starting to show. Realizing that the hair choice probably wasn’t his, but was for his latest album, made your lips turn down slightly. He picked up on that and thought it was a non-verbal answer to his statement.

“I could have gotten you a taxi if the train was too crowded…” He trailed off.

“No, no. The ride was fine. I was noticing that your hair is a little different from last time.” You mumbled as you both hovered around each other. You could feel a slight pain start to form between your shoulder blades from all the tension in the room. Both of you locked eyes and it felt like you had entered a staring contest, and neither one of you were losers. It wasn’t until his hand reached out and took your wrist and led you to the living room and onto the couch, that you regained your senses.

“I’m sorry. I’m so freaking sorry.” His words came out rushed and pained. Your lips parted to respond but Mark held a hand up to stop you.

“Let me get this out first. I didn’t mean to keep it from you. Honestly, I thought that the moment I opened that door and you saw me, you were going to freak out cause you recognized me. When you didn’t, my plan went to shit and I fell into the comfort of just us hanging out. Believe me when I say I had every intention of telling you about my career. I just didn’t know how to come out and say I’m an idol singer.”

“Rapper.” You interjected. Mark’s head tilted slightly and confusion dipped his brows.

“You said idol singer. From what I looked up, you’re not really a singer. You’re the main rapper and lead dancer of the group. It also said you’re the visual which makes sense cause…” You waved your hands in front of your face to indicate your point that he’s gorgeous.

Mark’s laugh filled the room and it was exactly like those compilation videos you found of his laugh. A slight smile tugged at your lips as the atmosphere in the room started to lighten up. You were still mad and will probably be for a while but the big mad feeling was almost completely gone.

“So you did research? I bet the internet had some crazy things to say. Sin, I’m sorry that I wasn’t the one to tell you everything from the beginning. When you’re in the business I’m in, it’s hard making friends who aren’t also in the life or after you for something else. I was selfish because I really liked what we have or… had. I got addicted to the ease of just being myself with you.” He went on. His eyes dropped down as he talked about your relationship in the past tense. The wall that you unconsciously started to build since your last visit shook. Maybe it was the earnestness in his tone or the way he used your online nickname, but at that moment you kind of just wanted to hug him. Instead you did the only thing you could do in this situation.

“Now that you said that, are you gonna show me some of your backflips? They looked really impressive on youtube.” You smirked as his head shot up and looked at you in surprise. The smirk turned into a full smile and the tension started to melt away when his toothy grin appeared.

“I can even teach you some moves but I don’t know your flexibility level.” Mark joked and that’s how the rest of the afternoon went. He started to talk about how he joined the company and his trainee period. I knew it was hard on young kids but hearing it first hand made you want to throw on a cape and save them all from the heartache. When he calmed down your anger, Mark talked about  the traveling he did all over the world with the group. He talked about how they were more than just bandmates and more like brothers. Even mentioning some stories you found through your ‘research’, but hearing them from him made them ten times funnier.

“Remind me to never get you upset where you can throw a laptop at me.” You joked. The sun had gone down outside and now you both were sitting on the floor, take-out containers covered the table. Hours had passed and you only realized how many when you tried to hide a yawn and Mark check the time on his phone.

“Time flew by. I guess you have to get going soon?” His eyes were like tea cups as they looked over to you. The last thing you wanted was to have this good time end but you had worked a full shift yesterday and had to be on in the morning as well. It didn’t help that you left your apartment in such a mess, it looks like it was probably burglarized.

“Yeah… I’m sure your roommates want to come home too. What did you tell them that made them give you the place to yourself?” You asked as you started to clean up the mess created. Piling the dishes into one, Mark took them from you and moved them toward the door.

“Most of them had schedules, so the house was gonna be empty anyway. Though I did have to promise Yugyeom and Bambam that I would treat them to meat soon. Are you going to take a taxi? It’s pretty late.” Between his worrying, you both cleaned up rather quickly. In no time, you looked around and the space was back to normal and Mark was standing with his hands pulling at his hoodie sleeves. You noticed that he did that when he felt unsure about something or wanted to word vomit.

“I’ll take one just because you insist. But what is it, sweater paws?” Reaching forward and tugging on the hood strings, you asked him. It was clear why he had so many fans. The half smile he gave was a weapon of ovary destruction and shouldn’t be used all willy nilly. How rude…

“I’m glad you came over. I’m also glad we’re talking again. And now that you know everything , I have a work thing tomorrow. It isn’t long though. Just need to go film a spread for a magazine. I’ll be back by next weekend. Promise.” Mark picked up your bag and played with the strap of it before closing the distance and looping it over your head, adjusting it. The height difference between the two of you wasn’t gigantic, but it was enough that had your neck tilting back a bit.

“It’s okay. Remember, I’m used to Ghosty McGhostington. You don’t have to worry too much.” Before you could even stop yourself, your thumb reached out and smoothed the little wrinkle between his brows. The level of skin-ship you were exhibiting wasn’t the norm for you. But the way he didn’t recoil from your touch allowed you the brief moment of insanity and for you to place your hand casually on your strap without looking like a crazy person. You thought you saw a hint of a smile on his lips, but it was so faint, you’re sure you imagined it.

“I’m calling you a car, and before you say something, don’t. And text me when you get home, okay?” You wanted to argue that you were independent and didn’t need him to do that, but a part of you thought it was sweet. In all honesty, when it was just you and him talking and playing around like you’ve done for so long virtually, the idea of him being a celebrity was a foreign concept. He was just Mark to you.

Once he was finished punching in some numbers on his phone and you came out of your own head, he walked you to the door. That smile you thought was just a shadow was now plastered on his face and it had the chain reaction of making you smile in return. Your hands squeezed harder on your bag strap because every fiber of your being was telling you to just reach out and hug this dorky guy smiling at you. But instead you held your hand out for a hi-five like the loser you were becoming.

“Thanks for inviting me over and I'm glad we cleared things up. Uh, hit me up if you get some free time. Or not, it's whatever.” Shrugging off the awkwardness, Mark connected with your hand with a look of confusion and before he could say anything, you darted from his apartment. It was becoming a habit of yours to flee every time you were there. Your flight or fight response was out of whack because with anything else in your life you were all about fighting. However, wherever Mark was concerned, you flew out of there like a bat out of hell.

By the time you were walking through your door, you were so distracted by thoughts from your day that you forgot that you left your place in a state of utter disgust. The vibrating of your phone made you forget all about the clothes covering almost every inch of available surface because of course it was Mr. Tuan himself in your inbox.

Mark: U made it?

Sin: You* and yeah, just walked in.

Mark: Ha ha ha. Are you tired?

Sin: Depends, why do you ask?

Mark: Wanna get online for like an hour? I’m a bit wired and we haven’t properly played in a while. Miss it…

Sin: Don’t you have a flight to catch in the morning?

Mark: Yeah but I can sleep on the plane. Are you scared I’m gonna kick your ass? ;-)

Sin: Signing on right now so get the lube because I’m about to tear you a new one.

And just like that, Mark brought you back to a comfortable mindset. The root in which your friendship grew from.

Finally, it was Friday, but you were antsy as hell. The clock was ticking down to the end of your shift, but it felt as  if it was moving as slow as if you were sinking in a mudflat. Bora and Ahin, another first year resident, were finishing up your shifts so the three of you could do your weekly Karaoke night. But it wasn’t only the promise of a night of chicken, beer and bad singing that had you anxious. Mark was coming back from his trip tomorrow and it had you on pins and needles.

The two of you had been texting while he was away. You were sure it was more than he should actually be doing during a work trip, but now that there weren’t any omitted truths between you, he would tell you about everything that was happening, within reason. When you asked for pictures, he couldn’t give you any official ones, but he did snap a few selfies of his face filled with pretty eyeshadows and lip tints. He really did clean up well.

As you were changing out of your scrubs, your phone pinged and like a pavlov response, your hand reached and opened your texts with Olympian speed.

Mark: What are you doing Sunday?

Sin: Washing my hair, shaving my back, catching up on sleep. Lol why?

Mark: Sexy. I need a favor from you.

Sin: If it involves money, we might need to reevaluate our friendship.

Mark: No money involved, but I would like it if you said yes.

Sin: Okay you’re being cryptic. Are you sick?

Mark: No. But will you say yes before I ask?

Sin: Sure, what is it?

After asking that, the little dots jumped across the screen as he typed his response. You stood there in your jeans and scrub top, staring at your phone like a crazy person. What did he have to ask that was so important? Bora and Ahin walked into the locker room and started to change themselves while you waited.

“What’s going on? Your face is all scrunched up?” Ahin asked as she hung up her lab coat. Just as you were about to tell her, Mark’s bubble appeared…

Mark: Will you go on a date with me? Not as a friend, but as a woman. A date date.

Your heart dropped into your stomach with a clatter. When you heard your name being yelled by Bora, you looked down and realized that it wasn’t just your heart that dropped, but also your phone on the floor. Quickly dropping down and picking it up, you looked at the words over; Woman. Date. You sucked in all the oxygen you could manage and sighed.

“Well shit…”