#my loved ones have been informed of my wishes for my funeral plans

[starfleetwitch]

Do you ever just feel the uncontrollable compulsion to go out to a field in the middle of nowhere so you can unleash the female anxiety induced rage via monstrous screaming?

But then you remember you live in a city with cardboard thin walls and may startle the local mice?

Yeah. Same.

[sweatervest-obsessed]

Wasteland, Baby

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

WC: 3.4k

TW: Mentions of Murders, mentions of suicide, discussion of suicide, trauma, emotional turmoil, death, arguing, abandonment issues, commitment issues, Angst, some fluff

A/N: Thanks for bearing with me as I try to get off the struggle bus y'all. here is the highly anticipated part 2 of Stick Season !

All the fear and the fire of the end of the world Happens each time a boy falls in love with a girl Happens great, happens sweet Happily, I'm unfazed here, too

It had been three years since you left the BAU and you had just turned down a job at the FBI from Erin Strauss. You never heard from her again. 

But you did attend her funeral in D.C a week later.

You didn’t alert any of the BAU that you were returning for her funeral, since you could only imagine the pain they were feeling. 

The plane ride was filled with thoughts of what life would have been like if you had rejoined the FBI. Maybe she wouldn't have died. Maybe she’d still be calling you and sending you email after email with job offers. 

You had quickly stopped by the wake, the day before, to pay your respects, and give Strauss’ family your deepest condolences. It was painful, seeing someone you spoke to last week, stiff, lifeless, in a coffin where they will be for the rest of time. 

But the worst part was the burial. 

Blending in at a funeral has never been a strong suit of the BAU’s, except for you. You were calm, respectful, and blended in with the rest of the spectators. 

Until you looked across the circle and saw Aaron Hotchner looking directly at you. Whatever he had been feeling before, was quickly wiped away when you looked back at him, confirming his suspicions that you were here, in the graveyard. The look on his face was replaced with a more somber one as he redirected his attention back to the priest, but you knew you would be unable to just leave now that you had been spotted. 

Once she had been lowered into the ground, Hotch made his way towards you, catching his colleges interested. Where was he going? Who was he looking for?

“Y/n.” 

You smiled at him. It didn’t reach your eyes, but it wasn;t fake either. 

“It’s good to see you Hotch.” 

“I didn’t know you were going to be here today.” 

You nodded and looked over as the rest of the people migrated towards their cars to go to the reception afterwards. “I didn’t make it public information, considering I was planning on leaving after the ceremony. I’m just here to pay my respects Hotch.” 

“She called you.” 

“Yes she did.” 

“And she said you turned it down.” 

“I did.”

“Why.” 

“Hotch, please.” 

He took your elbow and pulled you away from the people, giving the two of you some semblance of privacy. 

“Will you at least think about it?” 

“What is there to think about Hotch? I don’t want to—” 

“I wish you wouldn’t lie to me. I know you miss it Y/n. I’m not just some colleague, and you know that.” 

You closed your eyes and pinched your brow. You knew coming to this funeral was a mistake. But some part of you, one that you had silenced for a very long time, was starting to break through. 

“We can talk later.” 

Wasteland, baby I'm in love, I'm in love with you

“I cannot believe you’re going back.” 

You sighed and continued to pack up everything you owned into boxes. You had only broken down the ones from a few years ago–that same part of you had saved them for whenever you had recognized you were ready to be back in Washington D.C. 

“Don’t ignore me. I thought you were done with hunting bad guys and certain doctors with glasses.” 

You slammed your hands on the table, causing Lucille to jump. 

“Sorry.” You muttered and slowly sunk to the ground, deciding it was just easier to sit on the ground and have a breakdown rather than talk it out. 

“I’m not going back for him…I’m going back for me. This…” You ran a hand through your hair. “This is n’t what I was meant to do, Luce. I’m not a teacher. I’m okay at it, but…I was meant to be in the field. Teaching is challenging, but not in the way I need. And fuck, I love my kids, you know that I do, but it’s just…”

“It’s not who you are.” She came and sat down next to you, taking your hand in hers. “I’m gonna miss you asshole.” 

You rested your head on her shoulder and squeezed her hand. “I’m going to miss you so much.” You whispered back to her. 

“You have to visit me. I’ll get lonely up here.” 

A smile spread across your face as a tear slowly tracked down your cheek. “ You have my permission to hunt me down and beat the shit out of me if I don’t.” 

“Oh don’t worry, I will.” 

All the things yet to come are the things that have passed Like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass Like the bonfire that burns That all words in the fight fell to

Your desk stayed pretty empty for the first two weeks you were back—like you were terrified that if you got too comfortable, life would pull the rug right out from under you again and you’d have to leave. 

It was Garcia who first noticed this, watching as you’d pack everything up into your tote bag each night before you would go home. She didn’t say anything about it though, since you were not the same girl the BAU had grown to know. 

You were different, quieter. You spoke when you had something to add, or to correct somebody, but you never participated in the banter; you never stayed longer than absolutely necessary. If the group had decided to surprise you at your new apartment, they would find it covered in boxes—walls bare, fridge almost empty, only essentials like clothes and toothbrush unpacked. 

But you had never been better. Hotch had you start consulting side cases when you came back, a way to get you used to the routine of being back in the office, back in the FBI. You would consult up to three new cases a day, still helping with those that would call back a day or week later for updates or more help. They watched as you easily solved things in minutes, that might have taken the team hours. 

The first time Morgan called you ‘Girl Genius’ to your face, you punched him in the arm (admittedly a bit harshly). But he wasn’t wrong. You could feel the continuous excitement flowing through your veins; your muscles flexing as you settled back into the thing you were the best at. 

You were different, but better. 

Spencer noticed this too. He watched as you confidently answered every question thrown at you. He watched as you consulted on cases and noticed patterns he had missed. 

Spencer had missed you, badly. He knew he fucked up when he had left that night, needed to go and he spend the night away, thinking about his life; his future. Panic had flooded his body at the thought of you being the one forced to take care of him, forced to deal with his shit history and addictive personality and his annoying ass rambles. He didn’t want to subject you to that. 

But then he remembered the look on your face—the pure excitement and adoration at the thought of being able to spend every single minute of your life calling him yours. And once the panic had subsided, he felt that same joy. 

When he got back to the house, you weren’t there. 

You weren’t at work either. 

You had just vanished, and about a day later, all of your things had disappeared too. 

And Spencer was a fucking wreck. He was useless at work, and he spent so much time trying to find you, but Penelope wasn’t able to find a thing, and by the time she did, it had been months later, and you clearly didn’t want to be found. 

Wasteland, baby I'm in love, I'm in love with you

It didn’t help that seeing you again in Vermont made him want to melt on the spot. A great deal of relief washed over him, seeing you were alive and in front of him. But then he felt the anger rise in him. You had abandoned him, you had just disappeared without a second thought. 

Then he remembered the look on your face when he panicked about marrying you.

You had thought he didn’t want to marry you. 

You had no idea that he felt like he was the the problem, and if he told you know, it would just sound like a fucking excuse. 

Watching you walk back into the bullpen and set up at your desk was another slap in the face. It feels like nobody tells him anything, because they don’t. But then he realized that only Hotch knew about it because everyone froze on the spot seeing you sitting at your desk, working. 

At his desk, he would just watch you. On the plane, he would watch you. And he tried so hard to be nonchalant about it, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Your hair, your legs, your arms, your lips—he wanted to take your hand and never let you go, fusing your skin together so he could be with you always. 

He was in love with you. And he thought you would rather die than be seen with him again. 

If only he knew that you felt the same way—you loved him right back. 

And that day that we'll watch the death of the sun To the cloud and the cold and those jeans you have on And you'll gaze unafraid as they sob from the city roofs

After about three months, infinite pining, a few longing glances passed to one another, and incessant whining from Derek Morgan, you and Spencer Reid found yourselves together at coffee one morning. 

After about a month later, you found yourself back in his apartment, lips grazing his, not being able to tell where his body ended and yours started. 

Then, the next day, he told you he loved you. 

He didn’t see you for a whole week afterwards. 

But when he walked into work that monday, and you were sitting at your desk, completely unbothered, he took it upon himself to make you talk to him. 

No one else was around, except for Hotch. But his office door was closed, and Morgan wouldn’t be around for another ten minutes anyways. 

“Where the fuck have you been?” 

You turned around in your chair and glared at him. “Excuse me?” 

“You disappeared for a week, no word about where you were going, not even telling me you were leaving.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Not now Spence.” 

“I love you.” 

“What?” 

“I still love you.” 

Your jaw dropped. “Spencer…” 

“I’m dead serious Y/n. When you weren’t here after you spent the night, I lost my fucking mind. I thought I had lost you—again. And I wasn’t about to go through that again. I had fucked up once before and I—I thought you had realized you didn’t want to be with me anymore and you had left again.” 

You were silent as he rambled on. 

“When you left three years ago, I lost my fucking mind. I sat here, staring at your desk hoping you would materialize out of thin air just so that I could apologize to you. And then when you didn’t show up, I begged Penelope to tell me where you had run off to, so I could go and find you and beg for you to listen to me while I got on my hands and knees to beg for your forgiveness. You thought I didn’t want to marry you, but I was terrified because I thought you wouldn’t want to marry me. I mean I had just gotten sober, and I thought we were doing so well and then you brought up marriage and all I could think about was how it was another way for you to find out how much you could hate me and get sick of me since—” 

You had finally snapped out the shock you were feeling and placed your hand over his mouth. “Breathe.” 

Spencer shoved your hand off his mouth, but stayed silent, taking an over exaggerated breath to prove to you he did. 

“We can talk about this later.” 

“No.” Spencer shook his head. “We’re going to talk about this now. I want to talk about this now.” 

“Spencer…” 

“How do I know that you’re not going to just pack up and disappear again.” 

“Spencer seriously? I don’t—-”

“You don’t do that? Because we both know you do. You’ve done it twice now.”

“What do you want me to say Spence?” 

“That you still love me.” His voice was low, but his eyes were locked in on yours. “I need to know if you still love me.” 

Wasteland, baby I'm in love, I'm in love with you

The Next Week

Another Day, Another Psychopath Killer. 

Another way for you to throw yourself into the line of fire because you have always had a soft spot for teenagers. 

Someone was targeting suicidal teens, convincing them to end their own lives, merely making him complicit in their deaths. It had sent you (and JJ) reeling. Both of you had lost someone to suicide, and watching as this person preyed on vulnerable kids who deserved to live and be loved took a lot out of the both of you. 

You had a bad feeling about this case when it was first passed onto your desk, but it just got worse and worse as the week went on. If only you had figured out who it was sooner, you might have been able to save this one girl’s life. But sometimes life refuses to relent. 

The jet was silent on the way back, none of you wanting to speak and break the silence. 

Spencer sat next to you on the couch, offering a comforting presence, and nothing else. He knew you (and it bugged the shit out of you). Years of being with one another meant that he knew when you were upset, and he knew that you despised being touched while you were like this, but you hated being alone. 

It bugged you so much, but you weren’t going to say a damn thing because having him next to you while you sat and listened to your music and spiraled was exactly what you needed. 

He only offered his hand when the plane hit some turbulence, and your entire body began to shake unconsciously. It was between the two of you, and all he did was flip it, so the palm was upwards. It was an invitation that you could immediately ignore and refuse if you wanted to. 

But something in you caused your hand to drop next to his and lace your fingers through his. 

God was it so fucking warm, and soft. You wondered if he still used the lotion you had recommended to him all those years ago when he would complain to you about his hands being “gross” and “too dry”. He absolutely did. 

He managed to hide his smile when you took his hand, but he did give yours a soft squeeze, and continued to read his book, pretending that his insides weren’t aflame and his mind was anywhere but on the words in front of him. 

He didn’t turn a page for over four minutes once your hand was in his. 

And I love too that love soon might end Be known in its aching Shown in the shaking Lately of my wasteland, baby Be still, my indelible friend, you are unbreaking Though quaking, though crazy That's wasteland, baby

That Night

“Thank you.” 

It was the first thing you had said in over five hours, including the plane ride. Once the plane had landed, you and Spencer went back to his apartment, and the two of you had sat in his living room, in silence. He didn’t mind, as long as he could keep an eye on you. 

Your mind was far far away. It was back in college. Thinking about your friend and about the life you could have lived if she was still with you. 

Spencer had left a cup of tea next to you, your favorite, and sat on the couch. You were situated in the chair by the window, staring out into the night, watching as the rain drops raced down the window and as the lights blurred together. 

He was close enough to provide you with some comfort, but far enough away to let you have whatever space you needed.

“Spence?” 

He snapped out of his head, looking towards you. Your eyes were tired, and your body reflected the same type of exhaustion. 

“Sorry. What do you need?” 

“I—.” You interrupted yourself with a yawn, cursing under your breath. “Shit sorry. I should probably go..” 

“It’s okay if you stay.” 

You looked out the window then back at him. 

“I’m not just saying that to get you into my bed—oh my god that came out wrong, I just mean I don’t want you out in that weather and I don’t really like the idea of you being alone tonight, especially after this case because—” 

“Spencer.” 

“---yeah?” 

“I’ll stay.” 

“O-oh. Good. good…” He nodded. “I can uh, take the couch and you can have the bed.” 

You rolled your eyes and smiled slightl;y. “You’re a gentleman, Doctor Reid, but I’m not kicking you out of your bed.” 

“But I—”

“Spence.” 

He huffed, crossing his arms as you just laughed softly to yourself, amused. 

“Why don’t we both go get ready. Together.” 

“Together?” 

You nodded. “Yeah Spence.” 

“Okay.” 

Spencer stood up, and offered his hand to you. 

And for the second time today, you took it. 

When the stench of the sea and the absence of green Are the death of all things that are seen and unseen Are an end but the start of all things that are left to do

And maybe the two of you would never be together ever again. Maybe you would. 

But something about the way Spencer would make your favorite tea, 

or the way he would save you the crossword puzzle on his morning newspaper since he knew how much you loved to solve as much as you could without his help, 

or when he would leave you notes on your desk, making you feel like a giddy high schooler all over again, or when he felt like a good start to something new

or when he would kiss you good morning and good night, promising you he’d be there whenever you woke up

or when he slowly got rid of things in his apartment to create space for your things as you moved in slowly 

or whenever a case was particularly rough for the both of you and he wouldn’t pester you to talk to him about it, instead offering his hand for you to take, and squeezing it, letting you know he was there for you

or the way he would take you on small vacations up to Vermont so you could go see all of your friends and escape from the world of the FBI

or the way he would never storm out of the apartment after an argument, but still give you the space you needed so you could both decompress without getting at each other's throats

or when he whispered every thing he would do for you for the rest of your lives so help him god when he thought you were asleep in his arms

or how he would whispered ‘I love you’ to you as you passed by while you both were working

or when he would never let you run off in the middle of the night because you would panic about whether or not this was all a dream, and one day he would wake up and not love you anymore

or when he got down on one knee and proclaimed his undying love for you, hoping you’d promised to love him forever in the same way he loved you, wanting to be with you, wanting to be near you always

made you feel like everything might be okay after all. 

Wasteland, baby I'm in love, I'm in love with you

[chairofchaos]

Letters of Love: Little Bonus (3.5?)

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1.6k (much more manageable for me, and hopefully for you as well!

A/N: I am Experiencing Emotions and forgot to post this yesterday. Sorry about that. ANYWAYS. Click HERE for the Update/Plan for LoL! (Edit: This does not count as the August LoL Update since I forgot, so you’ll get more this month!)

*****

Dear Eris,

Two months is a long time to wait. How about you come for Winter Solstice? Lucien and Elain would love the company. We can make a week of it.

Helion

*****

Dear Helion,

I’m afraid I will be busy during solstice. Thank you for your invitation.

Eris Vanserra

*****

Dear Eris,

Your brother is my heir, and he says you lie. I trust him more than I do you. Come for the week. If you truly have Solstice plans, you can make your argument with me in person at your convenience, though you are most especially invited for lunch at noon.

Helion

*****

Dear Helion,

I’ll come around noon.

Eris

*****

Lucien,

I’m coming for lunch at noon. Do me a favor and be somewhere in the vicinity in case this goes poorly.

Eris

*****

Eris,

What is it you plan to do?

Lucien

*****

Lucien,

Your father is inviting me for Winter Solstice. I want to come, but I won’t without Azriel. He and I talked and agreed that perhaps Helion may be the best place to start for informing the other High Lords.

Eris

*****

Eris,

Mother save us. You aren’t serious. Are you?

Lucien

*****

Lucien,

I’m very serious. I would bring Azriel if I thought it would convince Helion. 

Eris

*****

Eris,

It’s your funeral. I’ll be ‘in the vicinity’. Bring some more of that sleeping tea you brought me last week when you come. I’m out. 

Helion is dead set on having you for Solstice, so I can’t imagine it will go poorly. He may just be a little shocked. Don’t think any of us have forgotten his comment about his ‘new fantasy’ from the High Lords’ meeting. Plus, half his determination is his insistence on inviting Mother. I won’t try to talk him out of it, and I can’t imagine you would after everything I shared with you yesterday.

Also, a warning that his current favorite read is Ms. Drake’s latest. Prepare to be inundated with questions. If you plan on seeing Elain, expect a similar line of questioning from her. She heard all about your little side conversation with Nesta the other night. Of course, she already knows who it is, she just wants to poke fun at you.

Lucien

*****

Lucien,

This is the third time this month. I’ll bring you the tea, but I really should be insisting you visit the healers. Don’t think your mate isn’t worried about you either – Azriel and I each had a letter yesterday about how ill you seemed. She’s more worried about you than anything relating to the baby.

If Helion hadn't planned on inviting Mother I would be surprised. He’s been trying to invite her to come to Day for years, though it’s usually much more casual. Tea, or lunch. Maybe he’s growing desperate. 

Thank you for the warning. That would be a jarring conversation to enter into without one. Elain can ask all she wishes.

Eris

*****

My dearest Azriel,

A report of the day, as promised. I’m holding Flora while writing, so please forgive me any smudges or awkwardly cramped words. 

Helion looked rather stern when I arrived. I think he half expected me to be there to fight him. Lucien walked in with me, and asked to stay. I’m sure Elain insisted. She seems to want to know everything. Helion looked surprised at his request, but allowed it, so we all sat in his sitting room. Lucien really does look awful. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. His hair was tossed up in some awkward knot on top of his head with pieces sticking every direction. Flora must be doing a number on his nerves.

I told Helion that I would be happy to join him, provided he could accommodate my mate. I think I shocked him enough to take him off his guard. Even Lucien laughed a little at his response. He immediately said yes and started asking the expected questions.

I waited for a pause longer than a breath to tell him it was you. His questions immediately stopped. He looked more pleased than I thought he would, even at first, and then said he would be more than happy to add anyone from Night to the invitations. All in all, I think it went well.

I told him what you said about the traditions you wanted to keep in Night, and so promised him that starting in the afternoon of Solstice Day, we would be there. He nodded, said something about you keeping your winning streak (really, what is this tradition, Azriel?) and said he would amend the party invitations to fit the obligations we all had. He’s going to invite Rhysand’s entire inner circle. 

We figured out all of the logistics, and before they could bring lunch in, Helion kicked Lucien out, telling him to go get some sleep. Once he was gone, Helion congratulated me. Truly. At one point, he actually pulled me from my chair and hugged me, patted me on the back and insisted we celebrate. 

It was a good day. I’m going to stay and help with Flora so Elain and Lucien can have some time this evening. I’ll be back for a late dinner (normal, by your habits). I love you.

Eris

*****

Entry from the Journal of Eris Vanserra:

December 19

I told Helion about Azriel today. He was pleased. Much more pleased than anyone except maybe Elain. Lucien is too nervous about Flora to care. But Helion was overjoyed.

He hugged me. He pulled me up from my chair and nearly lifted me off the ground with his hug. I didn’t know what to do. Lucien seemed to enjoy my discomfort, the little shit. He just shrugged at me when I glared at him. Damn Helion for being so ridiculously tall. And strong. I bet he could put up a good fight against Azriel.

When he kicked Lucien out, he hugged me again. He said he was proud of me. He said he was grateful I was involving my mate in my life. We talked through everything. I don’t believe Helion and I have ever spoken so bluntly before, but it was surprisingly easy to talk to him.

He asked how it all happened, and I found myself telling him about the orchard, watching Azriel fly away. It’s only been twenty-two days since the mating bond snapped. Somehow, we talked about everything that’s happened for over an hour and a half.

I told him about how kind Azriel was, how much he cared for the little things. I haven’t even found myself writing about them. I think I may need to. The small touches when he passes. The kisses he presses to my wrists when he is holding my hand before we sleep. 

I told him how much I missed him, and how often he had been gone. It was the only time Helion looked even remotely displeased. Empathy for my sorrow at my mate’s absence. The irony didn’t escape me. The rest of the time, he was smiles and joy. 

When I couldn’t share any more (really, I think I’ve shared enough for a century) I turned the focus to him. I asked him about what Lucien had explained in his letter, the rooms Helion had set apart for Mother for all those years. 

It was like watching the sun get covered by storm clouds. I really think the room darkened, as if the sun stopped shining as brightly. He said he would show me, if I wished, but that he hoped the next person to walk through those doors would be Mother herself. 

He had been so joyous. I asked him (somewhat reluctantly) if it would help him to tell me, or show me. He seemed conflicted. I know Lucien hopes Mother will come. I will admit it was heartbreaking to see that wound coil around Helion like a vise and draw such darkness from him. Still, I can’t imagine Mother here. She belongs in Autumn. Her fire is like mine. And who knows how she would keep up the work she’s been doing all these years. 

I need to give more thought to Azriel’s Solstice gift. 

Solstice Gifts

Azriel: 

Two cobalt sweaters like the black one he wears constantly (maybe also one in a dark red? consider)

A crate of wine from the orchard

Tell him the new bed is also partly a present for him, since it’s twice the size of the old one just to accommodate that damned wingspan

A cream for his hands – write to Nuan in Dawn

A puzzle box from the continent

A cupboard for all his weapons so he can stop dumping them in the entryway

Mother: The new writing desk (shipped last week - confirm delivery)

Lucien: A copy of his favorite Autumn childrens’ stories (sort of also for Flora?) and more calming teas without the sleep additives. A new weapon belt and set of throwing daggers

Elain: a personalized S.D. book and stationery with the daisies she admired (delivered December 12), the book on the unique flora of the Spring/Autumn border

Flora: The baby blanket of Lucien’s

Helion: a new bottle of whiskey, and an order of the hangover tonics Thesan sent

Rhys and Feyre: a crate of wine

Nyx?: a fire-breathing dragon toy

Cassian: a fire-breathing dragon toy that strategy game Lucien and I used to play

Nesta: a personalized S.D. book, plus two or three signed copies for her friends or to keep if she wishes

*****

Taglist: @c-starstuff-man0 @ninthcircleofprythianian @slowpress @talibunny30 @dusk-muse @jir67 @lilah-asteria If you want on or off the tag train, let me know!

[thecountesstribe]

HOTD SEASON 2X4 SPOILERS AND REACTIONS.

Babies we got our asses kicked today huh??!

I knew it was coming, I knew but that doesn't make it hurt less. As a matter of fact it hurts worse because I loved book Rhaenys and sure they changed and butchered her character somewhat in the show but that was Grandma and I loved her. I need Vhagar and Aemond dead bro. I'm not even playing I'm wishing for their downfall so hard right now. Rhaenys Targaryen was one of the greatest women in Westeros to ever live and stamp that. I'm not ready for the reactions of her family when they find out about her death. Baela, Rhaena, Jace, Corlys, Rhaenyra and the others just recently lost Luke and to lose her so soon after. I'll be sick. Her relationship with Meleys was so special to me. Meleys looking back at her for the first time during the episode and then taking her last look at her for the final time, I was in tears. I'll never get over this hurt. Her face when she realized that she wasn't going back home with Meleys and the fall 💔💔💔. I am not okay, I'm not okay. Rest in peace to them both.

Sunfyre I'm sorry you had that halfwit who barely knows his mother tongue for a rider even though that little nudge you gave him was actually super duper cute. Another one of my babies. Y'all don't think they rewrote the story to kill off Sunfyre because in the trailer for episode 5, Sunfyre wasn't shown.

Aemond I hate you! Living up to that kinslayer moniker. So we intentionally see him burn both his brother (honestly fuckin deserved and about time) and his dragon. Wonder how this is gonna play out, they better not give Aemond Baela's story arc. I'm so fuckin serious. That's it. I wanna fight.

Rhaenyra coming home to a tongue lashing was so satisfying. Jacaerys was fed up y'hear me. He was done. Her telling him about the song of fire and ice just like Vizzy T did for her warmed me a little.

Criston Cole shut the fuck up challenge. It happened years ago, it's time to let that hurt go. They let that old man read him for filth and spit on him just for me.

Alicent being potentially pregnant and having to take medieval plan b or is it medieval abortion medication is so funny to me. I wonder how crybaby Cole would take the news of her potentially getting rid of the child? It's gonna be a mess.

Jacaerys was angry this entire episode and I don't blame him. Why in a room full of adults with battle experience/tactics for the war to come does he and Baela have to act like the adults. On top of that his queen, the one who they're fighting for is just taking unnecessary stupid risks and not thinking like a leader. I'd be irritated asf too. The black council aside from a selected few are just a bunch of bickering childish idiots. Both him and Baela were tired. Baela and him stepping up and leading the council was so good. They literally fed us what could've been had they had a chance to rule. Westeros was robbed. Baela proving she's just as worthy as Jace is just *chefs kiss. One thing I could say about my boy is that he knows Baela could hold her own, she's proved it but he will never ever under any circumstances let anybody feel that they could dismiss her or disrespect her. Him letting that one goof know it's because of her they have actual information on some of the greens army and acknowledging her contributions, yeah they would've been both sat the throne. Ain't nothing like she's just a queen's consort with no power. They would've been co rulers fr. Him comforting her publicly when they brought up Daemon in front of the council no less, like he doesn't play about her. That's the kinda guy you want to be locked in for life with. Rhaenys looking on in the background was a parallel to the first time they held hands during the funeral and she came up to them and she peeped the same thing she peeped then. I know she knew that Baela was in great hands. 😭😭😭 Never beating the best couple in Westeros allegations.

They black council talking about Daemon probably having an orgy LMAOO, he's getting fucked alright. That man has not had one moment of peace since he stepped foot in spooky town and it's what he deserves. Laena being beautiful and haunting his ass, period boo and baby Rhaenyra wearing older Rhaenyra's clothes and the crown that was too big for her tiny head (symbolizing it was/is a burden) and tormenting him. Yeah I'm gonna have that on repeat.

Rhaenys already knowing Adam and Alyn are Corlys children before flying to her death and her informing him and that sweet scene with Alyn, I think she learned her lesson after the whole debacle with Laenor and his boys. That's growth. Wish we could've had more of that development on screen but what can we do.

It was honestly a solid episode. I'm exhausted this was probably a review too long and if you stuck around till the end thanks for reading my thoughts ❤️. Sunfyre, Meleys and Rhaenys didn't deserve that. Sending hugs.

[gumdytoonsen]

Thank you AKIRA

Hello everyone, Draw Goku as a tribute to Akira Toriyama, the creator of Dragon Ball, this Anime will mark our childhood for everyone around the world.

Since my beginnings, I drew cell when I was a 13-year-old child. I was also a fan of this anime. I saw it on Cartoon Network in the TOONAMI block. I LIKED ITS GOKU TRILOGY LIKE:

DRAGON BALL DRAGON BALL Z DRAGON BALL GT DRAGON BALL Z KAI AND DRAGON BALL SUPER

I saw it with my family too. My friends who were the community of artists before I was friendly with them also to the loved, respected and talented community but I was betrayed by the Hated, Sick and Toxic community.

Well, it also has its Original merchandise in Japan, others are pirated merchandise that it sells in flea markets in all Latin American countries such as:

Figures and Toys Posters Stickers Keychains Tshirts Sweaters albums Cups Teddies and card games

I had my Goku poster and keychain and so did my aunt Nicole, well we missed them.

But there are fans who artists are loved and hated like:

Tablos, the Lolcows of the Spanish Internet, is the creator of the Fan Fiction Dragon Ball AF WAS FOUND

There are Fan Ficts or Fictions made by Fans published on Wattpad some are Good Others are bad like:

Dragon Ball Fran Fictions: Goku X Annita Goku Goku Vs Kratos Goku Vs Marvel and DC SuperHeroes Vegata vs Jesus What would happen if Goku got into other universes? And what would happen if Goku betrayed the world? And Goku locked in the time room

Also Old and New Parody Videos Published on YOUTUBE

The other one is Too Hated is Chris Chan The creator of the fan fiction between sonic and pokemon Sonichu was also remembered for doing LOVE QUEST WITH HIS OWN MOTHER How Ungracious I Use The Cursed Word with Kamehameha called CURSEYEHAMEHA

Well The Otakus And their community is hurting By Crazy and toxic Genete but they have their own fandom that is already toxic because of toxic people and Trolls

They hurt the Mexican Spanish dubbing actors like:

the singer Josafat Espinoza And Vegeta's voice actor is Rene Garcia

For Their Fans who do Bullying on social networks and there are also Drawings made by fans published on social networks and more searched on Facebook, Google and All Social Networks

Well, 8 years ago Akira Torimaya paid tribute to Stan Lee, the creator of Marvel and DC superheroes, for his taste in Japanese manga and American Manga.

Well, on March 1, 2024, the Japan Hospital sent a message from its fans around the world and said:

Dear friends and partners.

We are deeply saddened to inform you that manga creator Akira Toriyama passed away on March 1 due to an acute subdural hematoma. He was 68 years old.

It is our deep regret that he still had several works in full creation with great enthusiasm, furthermore, he would have many more things to achieve.

However, he has left many manga titles and works of art to this world. Thanks to the support of so many people around the world, he has been able to continue his creative activities for over 45 years. We hope that Akira Toriyama's unique world of creation will continue to be loved by everyone for a long time.

We inform you of this sad news, thanking you for your kindness during his life.

The funeral was celebrated with his family and very few of his relatives. Following his wishes for peace of mind, we respectfully inform you that we will not accept flowers or condolence gifts. visits, offerings and others. Likewise, we ask that you refrain from conducting interviews with his family.

The future plan for the memorial meeting is not decided, we will inform you when it is confirmed. We deeply appreciate your understanding and support as always.

Thank you Akira Torimaya for his anime that marked the childhood of his fans from all over the world.

Thank you for your Dragon Ball Trilogy

For everything and those of Mas

THANK YOU VERY MUCH AKIRA TORIYAMA

AKIRA TORIYAMA 1955-2024

[dragoon-the-greatest]

Just rewatched "Moment of Truth." What an episode. WILL MY BELOVED. I wish he had shown up for more than an episode, he was such a great character and such a great friend for Merlin.

Loved my little Arwen crumbs in this episode. Got to hear Arthur transition from calling her "Gwen" to "Guinevere" and she called him out for the first time. She showed herself capable of standing up to him both about the food and about having the women fight, and Arthur definitely noticed and apologized on both counts. I understand the fandom's obsession with Merthur but Arthur doesn't listen to Merlin the way he listens to Gwen, and Merlin just doesn't call Arthur out the way Gwen does.

Granted, Merlin would probably be a lot better at calling Arthur out in this instance if he didn't spend half the episode figuring out whether or not to use his magic and arguing with Will about it. The tension is SO good here, the contrast of saving people with his magic and telling the truth in the process vs. continuing to hide himself at others' expense but in hopes for a brighter future. Poor boy just wants to help people with his magic and has since episode one. This early in the series, the choice is an obvious one for Merlin, but later obviously he shifts to the other side, which is so so heartbreaking.

It's no wonder though, Arthur tried to be considerate in his own way but was also a JERK in response to finding out "Will's" secret. They stood in front of Will's FUNERAL PYRE and Arthur tells Merlin he shouldn't have kept Will's secret because magic is DANGEROUS. Will saved his life! What would Arthur have done if a. Will really did have magic and b. Merlin had actually told him about it? Was he going to kill Merlin's best friend? Banish him from his own home when he doesn't even live in Camelot??? Why did Merlin owe him this information??? And after this Will is never mentioned again, which is insane. In all of the (rare) instances where Arthur actually questions magic, he just never brings this up again?? A supposed sorcerer gives his life for him and he just. Blanks it out of his memory? Never mind that this was Merlin's childhood friend, just pretend he never existed and his death never happened and don't ever acknowledge Merlin's grief outside of saying "I know he was a close friend." Merlin learned all of the wrong messages from this episode. Don't tell Arthur your secret because he thinks magic is dangerous with no exceptions, and don't tell Arthur your secret because he's a good man and he likes/needs you but can't be trusted with your secret until "the time is right."

Like actually, what was Hunith's deal in this show?? I love her but we know so little about her? This is a woman that actually ran up to a bandit and tried to steal food back with no plan besides "just grab it real quick while announcing your intentions" (love her for that though, also this is definitely Merlin's mother), represented the village to a foreign king when their own refused to help, raised a magical child but taught him to hide his abilities at all cost, even from the people he loves/trusts the most (people who are willing to risk their lives to help him save his home town? You don't think maybe they could know?). Like, yes, it would have been terrifying to raise your not subtle, blatantly magical son in a world where magic is hated, but she finds out he told his best friend about his secret (which the friend hadn't even told anyone), and her response to this is to send her son to the place most well known for burning/beheading sorcerers? And her response when he expresses a desire to not go back is to tell him to go because the prince (who she absolutely does not think should know Merlin's secret, but also doesn't think he would kill him if he found out, like which side are you on?) needs him? Why is Hunith so obsessed with Arthur here? Like yeah, he risked a lot to come save the village and made a huge difference in the outcome of the fight, but to value him over her own son? I just don't understand Hunith's priorities here. Protect Merlin but send him somewhere extremely dangerous? Merlin tells Will he did not actually want to leave initially but that he did because his mother was worried. Merlin is so lonely and isolated and has such messed up ideas about his purpose and his magic and Hunith doesn't do anything to actually help him sort this out, just pushed him to stay isolated while also being helpful to people she doesn't think he should fully trust.

Anyway, fascinating episode, very compelling. I would have LOVED for this to actually be a magic reveal episode and it's a nice little gut punch to know how far that actually is from happening from this episode. Overall, Will, Gwen, and Morgana were MVPs here. Stay tuned for more random thoughts and analyses on episodes that aired over a decade ago ✌️

[hellbentrapture]

Gone

I did not think my first eulogy would be for my best friend. I did not think we would not grow old together, geriatrics doing movie nights. I did not think I would not always be cooking and sharing meals with him, so candid and excited about each one. I did not think he would let go. I did not think he would not be there. Ever. Again.

CW/TW: suicide, grief, loss, depression, mental illness, abusive and manipulative family, funeral arrangements, C-PTSD/PTSD, OCD.

My best friend committed suicide on February the 7th of this year (2024), I learned about it on the 10th after myself and my other best friend filed a missing persons report for him on the 9th. He had been struggling only a few days prior with an episode that involved C-PTSD and a flashback - I cannot divulge more than this, only that it was so complicated and there is so much more to it. He did go to the hospital, on Sunday the 4th. He did spend the night. He went home Monday the 5th.

Myself, he, and my other best friend had a group call. We talked for awhile and he was genuinely hopeful for the future. He had plans, he was talking to people, he was reaching out.

Wednesday the 7th was the last time anyone heard from him - it was me and my other best friend, at 10am. We were told he likely died around 4:30pm/5pm. A matter of hours, lessened when you account for him writing the letter and travelling. We were informed it was a train. I will never look at trains the same ever again, I do not know when I will be able to truly look at them yet...

The space between the 7th and the 10th is because he was unidentified, and was only discovered and connections made because I insisted we check on him. I insisted we make calls on Friday, we go to his apartment, we involve local health, we involve the police. Had we not filed that missings, who knows how long it would have been.

Worse yet, his abusive and estranged mother is his legal next of kin. So she gets to make all the calls on his arrangements and care. He had technically cut off his sister 8 months ago, but she is our only ally and is the far far lesser of the two evils. Working with her has not been as bad as it could be - without her, my other best friend and I would have no power nor legal recourse anywhere.

Before his mother intervened, we had picked a lovely funeral home to have him cremated at, that even said they could arrange a viewing for us. Instead, he will be going to literally the cheapest crematorium in the city (that actually advertises as such) and does not do viewings. His mother has been withholding what belongings she has gotten and has threatened to withhold all of his ashes if his sister does not see her for them. His mother, and her partner, have also threatened to keep the ashes out of spite. Luckily, the crematorium has promised us half the ashes that we can pick up separately.

I am trying not to fret that She will intervene once more...

I have not been fully processing or feeling it all yet - I don't think I will be able to until we are done planning the official service (that anyone who knew him is welcome to) and the wake (the tight circle). So a big part of me feels like I am in wait mode still.

But I do feel it every now and then, the deep cavernous sadness. The utter despair. The loss. The denial. The anger. Grief. More grief.

I loved him so very much. We were two struggling souls caught in a ruthless and relentless storm, gripping each other's hands, terrified but knowing we could make it together. I had so many visions of my future, and he was always going to be there with us.

In the end, as he told me in his letter, it was the OCD. I am angry that he gave into the impulse to find only the worst stories of OCD, where he believes those to be the all. I am deeply hurt, wishing I had known it felt so bad for him. And I am mortally terrified, for I did not know OCD could take you down like that - and I have OCD.

And you know what this all needs? Therapy. Do you know what I cannot access? Therapy.

I am so lucky and thankful for the Tight Circle I still have, we are supporting each other so much right now and I am so glad for it. I know I have others. I know this awful, awful pain will pass eventually, with time.

Time...

[the-scaredy-crow]

Big OC Questionnaire

Thank you @oliolioxenfreewrites for the tag on this! I was going to interview both MCs from Kindling Bones, but between work and school, I'm beat, so it'll just be Rhys for this one.

(Template is at the end if anyone wants to fill it out)

So Rhys...

What is your favorite thing to do to avoid responsibility?

I run from a lot of things, but I don't want to be known for that anymore. I have started spending a lot of time at the Coffee Claw or just with Adam in general.

If you could choose anyone in the world to be your sibling who would it be?

I already had a sibling, and I lost him. I don't think I deserve another. ...I do wish Chloe got the chance to become my sister-in-law, though, if that counts.

What is the most sublime thing you have ever eaten and why?

I am always craving those spicy chocolate cookies Adam brings me from the cafe. He was so excited about me trying them, and they are really good.

What was the worst day of your life?

The day I lost Zach.

What’s your worst nightmare?

Losing the people that matter to me. I already had to live through it once; I don't think I would survive it happening again.

If a monster asked you your worst nightmare what would you tell it and why?

The only monster I know was responsible for the worst day of my life. He already knows my worst nightmare, and he knew it then too.

Would you give away secret information if tortured? Be honest.

Probably. If they swore not to hurt the people I care about, I wouldn't even hesitate.

Who could you trust most with a secret?

When I was younger, my answer would have probably been anyone, but I've learned my lesson there. My answer has been no one for years, but I think- no, I want to trust Adam. And if nothing else, I know I could tell Spyder anything.

You have been caught somewhere you shouldn’t be! Quick, what is your excuse?

I'm new in town.

How good is your sleep schedule?

Terrible. Nightmares suck.

Do you have any siblings? If so, is your relationship good?

I would do anything for my older brother, Zach. It's been a long time since I lost him, but I have never stopped missing him.

What’s the toughest time you had to endure growing up?

When I was really little, having to realize my parents don't really care about me was hard. Zach was there for me, though. It wasn't anything compared to adjusting to a life without him in it.

What’s your relationship with your family like?

Zach was all I had growing up. Our parents were always on some business trip or another. Even when I was in the hospital, they didn't show up. They did come back for Zach's funeral, but I think even that was just for appearances.

Do you have any hobbies? If so, what ones?

I go on a run every morning. Reading was fun when I used to have the time. I have also always wanted to try hiking; I was actually planning on doing some backpacking after I graduated high school. Never got around to it...or graduating.

Do you dream often? What do you dream about?

I dream too often, usually about fire.

Have you ever been in love?

I thought I was close to it once. He knew and used it against me. Love just hurts when I'm involved.

What is your least favorite thing in the world?

Being alone, but I'm used to it.

What is your pet peeve?

Nosy people; they're always prying.

Would you consider yourself different?

Different how? From who I was before the fire? Yes, I am a completely different person, but I think things like that just change you.

How far would you go to save a loved one?

I would give up my life for them, in whatever way that is.

Would you team up with your worst enemy if it was your only option?

I wouldn't trust him enough. Never again.

What is the worst insult you can give?

Telling someone they're anything like my ex.

What is the nicest thing someone could say to you?

That they forgive me.

Are you a jealous person?

I'm jealous of people who don't have an ability. I think I could've avoided a lot of trouble in my life without it. But jealous over a person? Well, maybe a little.

Have you ever committed a crime?

Probably? I mean, I am definitely going to. Oh, and I've done my fair share of trespassing.

Are you neat or messy?

It's hard to be messy when you live out of a suitcase and rarely stock up on anything.

How do you feel about crying? Let it out or hold it in?

I say let it out, but only when you know it's safe. Never let the people who hurt you see it; I am willing to bet my brother's life they wouldn't know mercy.

Who do you live for? Why?

My sole purpose in life for the last few years has been to find Zach. I failed him and all the people who loved him, so I have to make up for it.

Who has betrayed you most?

My ex...well, he wasn't my boyfriend, but he hurt me worse than anyone else has managed to.

What style of accessories do you wear? Is it willingly?

You will never see me without my gloves and, at the very least, a long sleeved shirt. It isn't how I used to dress, but I really don't like people looking at my scars, especially on my bad days.

I am lightly tagging @charlesjosephwrites and @aohendo. Also, I'll leave an open tag! No pressure, and as always: happy writing! <3

Here's the template:

What is your favorite thing to do to avoid responsibility?If you could choose anyone in the world to be your sibling who would it be?What is the most sublime thing you have ever eaten and why?What was the worst day of your life?What’s your worst nightmare?If a monster asked you your worst nightmare what would you tell it and why?Would you give away secret information if tortured? Be honest.Who could you trust most with a secret?You have been caught somewhere you shouldn’t be! Quick, what is your excuse?How good is your sleep schedule?Do you have any siblings? If so, is your relationship good?What’s the toughest time you had to endure growing up?What’s your relationship with your family like?Do you have any hobbies? If so, what ones?Do you dream often? What do you dream about?Have you ever been in love?What is your least favorite thing in the world?What is your pet peeve?Would you consider yourself different?How far would you go to save a loved one?Would you team up with your worst enemy if it was your only option?What is the worst insult you can give?What is the nicest thing someone could say to you?Are you a jealous person?Have you ever committed a crime?Are you neat or messy?How do you feel about crying? Let it out or hold it in?Who do you live for? Why?Who has betrayed you most?What style of accessories do you wear? Is it willingly?

[azrantimes]

Maisie Peter's "Funeral" (Ft James Bay) is Romeo and Juliet (& Juliet) coded and here's why

This is a long one so strap in. This is an analysis but I didn't do it like I would make one for school so it's very informal at times.

"I know it's not how you planned it but that's not

The worst thing in the world

I know that you're scared 'cause you think I'll let you down again

But I wouldn't, girl"

This first part is Romeo after Juliet and Francois' failed wedding. "I know it's not how you planned but that's not the worst thing in the world" is basically how the wedding went terrible but that it did end up as a new chance for Juliet and Romeo. "I know that you're scared 'cause you think I'll let you down again" because he has had multiple lovers before his death. "But I wouldn't, girl." He promises her that he's gonna be there for her the second time.

"I want you to want me when you're dead

To roll in your grave like we're not done yet

To call off the whole damn funeral

'Cause our love is so damn beautiful"

This is Juliet's perspective. It's her before Romeo's return wishing they could be together again. "To call off the whole damn funeral cause our love is so damn beautiful." Shakespeare brought Romeo back to life because they're THE tragic lovers.

"I want you to know that the past is past

That everything changed when I heard you laugh

'Cause you sitting there with your headphones in

You were the point of all this livin'"

Back to Romeo! "I want you to know that the past is past" is literally Romeo "forgiving" Juliet before "Since U Been Gone" and "That everything changed when I heard you laugh" is Romeo finding Juliet when he first came back, prepared to fight for her love. "'Cause you sitting there with your headphones in/ You were the point of all this living." Juliet put on her headphones at Romeo's funeral and Romeo literally lived for her.

"I'm sure that you're right

And I can't blame you for things you haven't done yet

Even if I'm scared, you will

And I think a lot about May, about meeting you that day

I was late and a serial blusher

Never made it to the second date"

Juliet!! This is her perspective after the wedding. "And I can't blame you for things you haven't done yet/Even if I'm scared you will." She suggests to redo everything and have another first date. I have a silly reason for "And I think a lot about May, about meeting you that day" but May isn't referring to the month this time, but it's about May and Frankie confessing at the wedding and and how Romeo "revealed" himself to get Juliet back. "Never made it to the second date" because they only knew eacother for less than a week before Romeo died OR if we're staying with the wedding setting because they're redoing their first date.

"But I want you to want me despite all that

To live every day like the plane might crash

To chase every satellite and star

I'd pin all of my hopes to your handlebars"

Juliet but I don't have a lot of things to say about this but again with the "living for you" theme.

"The truth is I'd be such a jealous ghost

I'd scrub all your lover's names out the stone

'Cause you sitting there with your headphones in

You were the point of all this livin'"

This is similar like before so again Romeo. "The truth is I'd be such a jealous ghost/I'd scrub all your lover's names out the stone" is literally Romeo being a jealous ghost, infiltrating at her wedding because he didn't want Frankie to marry her.

"Your heart was full of boys and brimstone"

Romeo to Juliet because she tried to move on quickly plus escape her parents.

"Yours was full of girls who lied"

Juliet to Romeo because of all the girls he told the same things he told Juliet to. This one doesn't really make sense I know.

"Both got hurt by other people

Both found each other, baby, right in time"

Both of their parents suck, and dating eachother was an act of rebellion.

"I don't need to live forever, just not one day longer than you"

I don't think I need to explain this but Juliet debating on killing herself because of Romeo.

"I want you to want me when you're dead

To roll in your grave like we're not done yet

To call off the whole damn funeral

Because our love is so damn beautiful"

This is the same as part 1 of the first chorus but this time it's both of them.

Thank you for reading this thing that was born because of my hyperfixation(s).

[lonewolfel]

Deal with the Sun

Read on AO3

Characters: Agni, Ursa, Zuko, Azula

Warnings: Child death (however it is off screen, with only the funeral shown and said character sort of comes back)

Summary: Instead of making a deal with Ozai for Zuko's life, she makes a deal with Agni. Agni agrees under the condition that Zuko becomes luxes.

Notes: Agni is nonbinary and uses lu/lux/luxes/luxself neopronouns. The parts of this italicized are in the past before Zuko becomes a spirit. Also very much a canon divergent before the series. 

A cloaked woman rushed through the temple of Agni. The cloak and hood distorted her image ensuring that no one would recognize her. However, it seemed to be more of a state of paranoia than actual necessity. As she came across no one at this time of night. 

The woman was Princess Ursa who would rather not have the sages and the guards question what she was doing in the middle of the night running through their most sacred temple. 

Her daughter's words echoed through her mind. 

"Grandfather ordered Dad to kill Zuzu."

Ursa had no issues believing that Fire Lord Azulon had made the order and it wasn't difficult to believe that Ozai had agreed to them without protest. 

Ursa threw open the doors to the shrine. She carefully shut the door and turned to the room.

The room was dark except for the lit candles at the end of the room that must always remain lit for their patron spirit. The paintings of the Great Spirit were hidden behind the shadow. 

Ursa ran through the room and collapsed onto the floor before the shrine. Tears fell onto the wood.

"Please I am begging you, oh Great Spirit Agni, hear my prayer," Ursa sobbed. 

Ursa felt a pull on her very essence and the air heated to a nearly unbearable point. She opened her eyes and saw a glowing golden dragon that shimmered with all the colors of the sunrise.

It illuminated the paintings of lux great accomplishments, lux mercy, lux fury.

Ursa's family had always had an affinity for the spirits due to their ancestors. Ursa's older brother had been a Fire Sage well on his way to becoming High Sage before Fire Lord Azulon found out about his lineage and ordered him to be executed. Even as a nonbender Ursa had the same ability as her brother even if she rarely used it.

"I hear your prayer," Agni said. Lux voice reminded her of the crack of a fire. 

"My husband will kill my son. Please I beg you to save my child," Ursa cried.

"You knew who you were marrying," Agni commented. 

Ursa knew that was true. Both of them had once been united in their ambition; Ozai to gain the Dragon Throne and Ursa to return her family to their former standings. They made a great team Ursa's charisma and ability to appear non-threatening made it easy for her to gain whatever information she desired and Ozai's power and status few would oppose him.

However, things began to change once they were married. Ursa's family was brought back to their nobility status and she no longer had fear that her and her children being out to death due to their ancestry. 

Ursa continued to help Ozai with his goals. One of which was an heir which Ursa had been so happy to provide having always wanted a family. 

Then Zuko was born.

Zuko didn't have a firebender's eye. Ozai wanted to kill him that very moment to just throw him out the window and forget about the boy. It was only Ursa pointing out that it was foolish to kill an heir with no others and the Fire Sages saying that the boy might still be a firebender. 

This left them on two different sides, Ursa wanting to love and protect her children and Ozai wishing to turn them into pawns for his plan to take the throne.

"Please, I can't lose my son," Ursa begged.

~~~

A golden and red bird soared through the sky. He dipped and swirled through the air. Light chirps sounded almost as if they were laughs.

"ZUKO," A voice cried. He immediately recognized the voice as Agni. 

Zuko flew over to where Agni is. He saw lux dragon form curled up on a cloud over the Southern Water Tribe.

Zuko flew down and turned to his human form. His human form was that of a 16-year-old Fire Nation boy with pale skin and black hair. The only difference that marked him as a spirit was his glowing gold eyes that no human could possess. He sat on the edge of the cloud. He looked down at the frozen wasteland. 

"That is a lot of snow," Zuko said. "The humans will freeze. Are we here to heat it up?"

"No this is my sisters' domain. We cannot interfere with it," Agni said.

"There are rules for a reason Zuko," Agni said

"Yes, yes, the rules keep balance in the universe," Zuko responded.

Agni chuckled at his words. 

"You would do well to remember what I have taught you," Agni said.

"Why?" Zuko asked.

Lu hummed at that sounding similar to the crackle of lightning.

~~~

Agni hummed with the crackle of lightning. 

"I could but should I," Agni said calmly.

"Please, I will give you whatever you desire," Ursa said. 

"I will save him, but he will become mine," Agni spoke. 

"I can't lose him," Ursa begged.

"If he were to remain here his life will be nothing but pain and suffering till his destiny comes. He would be safe and cared for with me, something that is not guaranteed in the mortal realm," Agni said. 

"I..." Ursa stuttered.

"Of course, once his destiny is fulfilled, he can choose to return to you," Agni said

Ursa paused. She didn't want to lose Zuko at all but it was better to know that a Great Spirit was watching him. She put her head down. 

"I accept," Ursa said.

"Raise your head, Princess Ursa, You are making your ancestor proud. Your son will be safe," Agni said.

Ursa lifted her head. The light was gone along with Agni.

~~~

"Your destiny is upon us," Agni said.

"Do I finally get to know what it is?" Zuko asked.

"All in a good time," Agni said.

"Why would my destiny be started in a cold wasteland?" Zuko asked. 

"Watch," Agni said.

Zuko grunted in annoyance. 

A large bright light shot through the sky. It was clearly spiritual in nature. Something about this felt familiar.

"That is what is the start," Agni said.

"What was that?" Zuko asked. 

He turned around to face the Great Spirit. 

"That was the World Spirit awakening," Agni responded.

Zuko gasped in shock.

"The Avatar is back," Zuko said

"Yes, in less than a year from now the war will be over," Agni said

"What does the Avatar have to do with my destiny?" Zuko asked.

"You will aid the Avatar in his task to end the war," Agni said

~~~

Azula stared at the crowd before her as the High Sage spoke. 

"Zuko, 4th in line prince of our nation, you were Grandson of Azulon and Ilah, now passed, son of Ozai and Ursa, nephew of Iroh, cousin of Lu Ten, now passed, brother of Azula," the High Sage recited.

As practiced Azula perfectly bowed her head when the sage finished. 

She was tempted to look to the side at her mother. She wondered how her mother was handling the funeral. After all, she has been despondent and hysterical since the servants found Zuko dead in his bed. Though she knew better that would be unbecoming for a princess. 

They then moved forward acting as a family in perfect harmony.

"We lay you to rest," the High Sage said. 

There was a burst of flames that began to consume the funeral pyr. Azula could feel the flames as they consumed what once was her brother. 

She had been happy when she overheard her grandfather give the orders for Zuko's death, but now she wasn't sure anymore.

Feeling his body being consumed by the flames made everything feel so much more final than it had before.

One of Azula's favorite pastimes had been antagonizing him. It was so easy and something that their father had even encouraged her in order to teach Zuko. A reward for being the perfect princess.

Now that he was dead Azula felt a little guilt, not that she would show that after all, it is just a weakness to be crushed, over her last conversation with him. 

She recalled the fond memories of them as kids playing on Ember Island with Lu Ten before he and Uncle left. She remembered Zuko teaching her to sneak out on festival nights to join the festivities. 

A wave of sadness rose inside Azula. She crushed it down. They were unbecoming for the princess to feel. She had to be perfect and that meant that she couldn't cry over her failure of a brother dying. 

Besides this means that she is closer to the throne which is what she wants...right.

[mumblingsage]

This is one of the additions I appreciate most (there have been many great ones!), and in hindsight, I wish I'd put more context like this my original post. It was unnecessary to insist books/media can't be traumatic, which is dismissive of anyone who might be vulnerable and unfortunate enough to actually have been traumatized in that way and created a lot of side disputes about whether it's possible, which has distracted from the main goal of better understanding what the reality of trauma is like. If I had a do-over, I'd have phrased more of it with questions -- "Do you actually mean 'traumatize'? Do you know what goes into trauma and PTSD or acute stress disorder? Knowing that, do you feel it's accurate to use that term? Does it offer useful insight into your situation? Are you using this statement to imply anything about the book? What do you think might be the knock-off effects on trauma survivors (including and especially anyone who has been through a real-life version of the book/movie? Are you telling someone their basic existence is an infohazard, contaminating, unspeakable)? And lastly, could you use advice or support or resources to manage the aftermath of reading that book?"

Depending on how the rest of the conversation went, that last question might be said sarcastically. Though I do realize, especially after reading the notes of this post, that some people need access to much better coping strategies for managing feelings that fiction gives them. And stories can have lingering effects, some of them downright strange when we type them out (your snake example reminds me of some childhood experiences I blogged about earlier as an outgrowth of discussion around this post, and a few continuing adult habits of mine). But not all effects, even negative or uncomfortable ones, rise to the level of "trauma" (and for a PTSD diagnosis, multiple symptoms have to be present for an extended period of time). Also, I've kept trying to think of ways to express this, but real-life traumas involve a lot more than just feelings or thoughts. A real-life traumatic event has multifaceted impacts; some may not come to light until years later, and some impact how the survivor lives every day. Real-life trauma often involves logistics: emergency room visits (and payments), funerals to plan, loss of relied-on people or jobs or homes. Real-life traumatic events don't pause when you close the covers.

Plus, looping back to effects of reading/watching, the experience of learning and having empathy for a terrible situation can, as you say, result in a "me" the reader likes and appreciates! (My last caveat is that nonfiction on topics like the Holocaust, because it's a real-life and generational trauma, won't always function the same way as fiction. People can and do get secondary/vicarious trauma from taking in media coverage of real life atrocities and tragedies [my OP is about fiction]. Though it's more likely to happen to the contractors moderating Facebook to remove violent imagery for hours on end, or someone processing information about their own family or loved ones' deaths or injuries, rather than to a Gentile like me reading a book on the Holocaust written and illustrated for a general audience while reclining comfortably on my couch.* I read Primo Levi's Survival in Auschwitz as a preteen 21 years ago, and some details and phrases stick with me. But I'm not getting sensory flashbacks or dragging myself around in a fog on the anniversary of the date I read the book. Levi survived the trauma of Auschwitz. I just read about it.)

(*It's absolutely possible to be traumatized while sitting comfortably on your couch. But that requires more context. Meanwhile I don't think the 'sitting comfortably' aspect is insignificant- some people have reblogged this post insisting the human brain makes no distinction between reality and fiction. To which I can only say: 1) It feels different when your favorite character dies vs when you have to plan a funeral for a real loved one, even if you plan it while sitting comfortably and 2) People in real-life natural disasters don't sit around eating popcorn the way people who watched 2012 or San Andreas in theaters did.)

I'm wondering if, as a society who cares about vulnerable people, we could stop saying "traumatize" when we truly mean "upset"?

I am sick of hearing sad books or movies "traumatize" their readers. I simply do not believe that happens. A traumatic experience might be adjacent to books (I have vivid memories of books I was reading around certain experiences and even how the contents of those books affected my processing of the experiences). But it's not caused by the book. And, y'know. The weather is Christofascist Censorship Attempts outside.

Meanwhile from the other side I continue to be surprised at just how badly people fail to understand trauma and traumatic experiences in general. Watering down the term isn't helping. Find other hyperbole to express that The Bridge to Terebithia gutted you, chewed on your heartstrings, and made you cry your first pair of contact lenses right out of your preteen eyes.

[thighs-of-betrayal-blog]

Belong to You

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Avenger! Reader (based on TFAWS)

Summary: When you are tasked with flirting with other men at Sharon’s party to get information about the Flag Smashers location, Bucky gets jealous and decides to remind you who you belong to. 

Warnings: Smut, 18+, cursing, alcohol, dirty talk

A/N: Wanted to switch it up and post my first smut piece. I suggest listening to “Belong to You” by Sabrina Claudio while reading. You won’t regret it. But, I hope you enjoy and as Sebastian Stan would say, goodnight and good luck!!

You stare in the mirror at the outfit Sharon lent you for the party. It was a major change from what you usually wear, which consisted of a t-shirt, leggings, and combat boots. Tonight though, you were looking at yourself in a tight, black dress that cut off mid-thigh and exposed both your entire chest and back. 

“You look great,” Sharon says. 

You try to tug the dress down a little more, but to no avail. “It’s a little short, don’t you think?”

Sharon looks at you confused. “No, not at all. You, my friend, are just used to your entire body being covered.” 

You sigh. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. Tell me again why I have to be the one to flirt with the bidders tonight to get information?”

“Because they all know me and you’re the only other woman we have on this team. Unless, of course, you think we should throw Zemo in there.” 

You let out a chuckle. “No, I’m sure that would be drastic.” 

Sharon smirks. “Which is exactly why we need you. Now, c’mon, we have information to pry out of these filthy rich bidders.” Sharon grabs your arms and drags you out of the bedroom. 

“Now, when you say it like that, I don’t feel so bad” you say.

Sharon looks at you and winks. “Atta girl.”

------------------------------------------------

Sam is pulling on his shirt as Bucky walks into the room wearing a black suit jacket over a black shirt. 

“Well, what do we have here? I never thought I’d see the day where Bucky Barnes is wearing a suit jacket” Sam says. 

Bucky grimaces and tugs on the jacket’s sleeves. “Sharon made me wear it.” 

Sam comes up to Bucky and pats him on the back. “You’re looking good, tinman.” 

A snort comes from the other side of the room, where Zemo is walking towards them. “Neither of you know true fashion.” 

“And, you don’t know when to shut up,” Sam says. 

Before Zemo gets the chance to respond, the door opens and you walk in with Sharon. 

Your eyes immediately lock with Bucky’s and you notice his jaw clench. You can’t help but look him up and down. The tight suit jacket looks so good on him. When you make eye contact with him again, he sends you a smirk. He knows you were just checking him out. And, he is doing the same to you, shamelessly looking at your chest and down your legs. You decide to walk up and sit next to him. He instantly pulls you onto his lap and wraps his arms around you. 

“I don’t like this plan,” he whispers into your ear. 

You turn in his lap to look at his face. “It’s just for a couple of hours. We need this information. We have no leads.”

Bucky grunts and turns his head to speak to Sharon. “Tell me again why it needs to be Y/N?”

Sharon rolls her eyes. “We’ve been over this countless times, Bucky. It’ll only be for a couple of hours. One of the bidders here has to have a lead on Karli and her crew. Just try to contain your jealous self until we get the information we need. ” 

Zemo speaks up, “She is right. Y/N is our only option right now.” 

Bucky shoots Zemo a glare. 

“Like I said before, he doesn’t know when to shut up,'' Sam says. 

Sharon looks at you. “You ready?” 

You feel Bucky's arms tighten around you and give him a quick glance before looking back at Sharon. “Let’s do this.”

---------------------------------------------

You throw back another shot as the man next to you leans in close.

“Let’s dance, sweetheart,” he says in your ear. 

You instantly shudder out of disgust, but turn around to grab his hand and lead him to the dance floor anyway. The man turns you around, so you’re grinding. You close your eyes and let out a long breath. When you reopen them, you see Bucky standing against the wall across the room, staring at you. 

“I’m sorry,” you mouth to him. 

He continues to just stare at you, as he pulls his beer up to his lips and takes a long swig. 

The man behind you pulls you out of your thoughts. “Glad to have your pretty face here with me tonight. Something to keep the funeral out of my mind.”

Your interest piques and you turn your head to look at him. “What funeral?” you ask. 

He lets out a sigh. “Mama Donya. Poor thing just passed away a few days ago. It’s tragic. She was such a kind soul.” 

You fake astonishment. “Mama Donya? The Mama Donya? That’s horrible! Where is the funeral taking place? I have to go and pay my respects.” 

“In the old building on Norfolk,” he responds. “Maybe we can go together.” His grip on your waist tightens. 

Now having the information you needed, you decide to find a way out of dancing with this stranger. “I’m feeling really tired all of a sudden. It must be those shots I took earlier. I’m going to find a place to sit down.” 

The man grabs your arm. “I’ll go with you.”

Before you can respond, you feel metal touching the skin at the bottom of your back. 

“She’s coming with me,” Bucky says, standing behind you. 

The man looks at Bucky angrily. “The hell she is. She’s mine, man, back off.” 

Bucky’s metal arm is around the man’s throat in seconds. “Get away from her now, before you regret it.”

The man immediately looks at you and scoffs, before walking away. 

You turn to look at Bucky. “I had that handled.”

He looks back at you. “I know, but I was tired of watching men put their hands all over you.” 

Bucky grabs your hand and starts pulling you off the dance floor, away from the crowd.

“Where are we going?” you ask. 

He doesn’t answer. 

You roll your eyes. “You’ll be pleased to know I got the information.”

“I know,” he replies. 

“How did you know?” you ask. 

He points at his ear. Ah, super soldier hearing. 

After a few seconds of walking, you reach a door. Bucky pushes it open and pulls you inside. As soon as you get through the door, you’re pushed up against it, with Bucky right in front of you. 

“I think you need a little reminder,” he says, voice lower than before. 

You look at him confused. “A reminder of what?” you ask. 

His metal hand grabs your throat and he looks deep into your eyes. “Who you fucking belong to.” 

You gasp and his mouth is on yours in an instant. You moan into his mouth and he shoves his tongue inside, fighting yours for dominance. The metal hand on your throat runs down to your hip, pushing you further into the door. He pushes his knee in between your legs to separate them. 

“Bucky,” you moan, as he slides his hand in your pants and runs his finger over your clit. 

“Whose pussy is this?” he asks. His eyes are staring deep into yours, waiting for an answer. 

“Yours” you manage to breathe out. “Always yours.” 

He slips a finger inside of you. “And, don’t you fucking forget it.” 

You throw your head back and moan loudly. “Don’t stop, please” you beg. 

“Wouldn’t fucking dream of it, doll. Going to make you scream so loud, everyone is going to hear you.”

Bucky pulls his hand out of your pants and you whimper. Before you can start to beg again though, he pulls off your shirt and attaches his mouth to your left nipple. 

“You’re wearing too much” you say. 

Bucky looks up at you and steps back to pull off his shirt and pants, then immediately goes back to sucking on your breasts. 

You move your hands to his chest, running them down to the top of his pants, before you tug his zipper down. 

“Bucky, I need you inside of me. Please.”

Bucky stops his assault on your chest to look up at you. “Your wish is my command, doll. I’m gonna fill you up so good.” 

He yanks his boxers down, while you pull your own pants and underwear down impatiently. 

He grabs you and picks you up, you wrapping your legs around his waist as he slams you into the door. He’s inside of you in seconds, and you scream from the feeling of him stretching you out. 

“Fuck, doll” he grunts out. “You’re so fucking tight. Feel so good wrapped around me.” 

He buries his face into your neck and picks up his pace, slamming into you repeatedly. 

“I’m not going to last long, Buck.”

Bucky moves his head to look at you. “Good. I want you to cum all over me.” 

He slams his mouth onto yours and you moan into him. He runs his metal hand down to rub your clit. “Be a good girl and cum for me, baby.” 

With the feeling of his fingers on your clit and him thrusting into you, you tighten around him and let go. Bucky reaches his orgasm right after you, spilling inside of you. 

Panting heavily, Bucky leans in to give you one more kiss on the lips before pulling out and helping you stand up. 

He hands you your clothes and stares at you as he gets dressed. 

“What?” you ask. 

He shakes his head and smiles. “I just love you, that’s all.” 

You smile back at him. “I love you too.” 

Before you can say anything else, there’s a sudden knock on the door. 

“If you two are done fucking now, hurry up and get dressed so we can leave,” yells Sam on the other side of the door. 

You walk up to Bucky and grab his shirt collar. “That’s our cue, lover boy.” 

He grabs your hand and intertwines your fingers. “After you, doll.”

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 20 - Final Warning [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, lovers to enemies, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Everyone has a past.

Series Masterlist

Not that you had ever been in a situation where you wanted to come clean to a target and blow your own cover, but you could easily say that this was one of the hardest things you had ever been through.

And considering your career, you had been through a lot.

You had no idea how to even begin the conversation, and you were pretty sure that it would completely ruin every chance of happiness you would have with him, every chance of a future together but—

You had to keep him safe. You owed him that much.

Considering your whole relationship had been nothing but a lie.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard your name being called and you looked up, still holding the empty milkshake container.

“Yes?”

“Your boyfriend is here with the Captain America,” Tara winked at you, “Is he single?”

“Sam?”

“No Y/N, I’m trying to steal your man but letting you know beforehand. Yes, Sam!”

“Um—“ you tried to pull your thoughts together, “I’m not sure, I can ask.”

“Don’t make it obvious though,” she pointed at you and walked away. You let out a sigh, looking down at the empty container, then fixed your apron and walked out of the kitchen into the main area. You could feel the warmth in your stomach as soon as you saw Bucky and Sam in one of the booths, and you went under the counter to approach them.

“Hi darling.”

“Hey,” you pecked him on the lips and sat beside him, “Hi Sam.”

“Hey Y/N,” he greeted you as Bucky entwined his fingers with yours, “Anyways, as I was saying. I can look into her but unless you give me more information, we’ll hit a dead end.”

Your heart skipped a beat as you looked between them and Bucky thought for a moment.

“Maybe Sharon might help.”

“I mean she can try—“

“Who are you talking about?” you asked and Sam grinned.

“Bucky’s spy friend.”

“She’s not my friend,” he said almost instantly and your stomach dropped.

“O-oh?”

“I just want to learn who she works for,” he said, “Just in case.”

“In case of what?” you managed to ask and Bucky shifted his weight like he was uncomfortable.

“In case we need it.”

“But why would you need it?”

To that, he looked like he had no answer and Sam cleared his throat, grabbing his phone.

“Well, I’d better talk to Sharon,” he said, standing up from his seat, “To see what we can find. I’ll see you guys later.”

With that, he walked out of the shop and you turned to Bucky, your brows raised.

“So,” you said, “What’s happening?”

“No what you’re thinking right now,” he said quickly, “It’s just… I ran into her. Again.”

You actually wanted to find out how much information he would give you, so you decided to push.

“Oh? I didn’t know you went on a mission.”

“I didn’t, she broke into my house.”

You blinked a couple of times, staring at him as if you were confused. “I’m sorry?”

“I have no idea how she knows where I live, but—“

“She was in your apartment.”

“For like five minutes,” he added, “And she….she told me something.”

If he kept this up, maybe you had a chance to convince him to leave the country for a while by using your cover even if you couldn’t convince him by being yourself.

“What?” you asked him and he paused for a moment, then shook his head.

“It’s not important.”

Fuck.

“It sounds like it is,” you tried again and he cleared his throat.

“Nah it’s just…. Usual secretive spy stuff.”

“But are you safe?” you insisted and he smiled, pressing your hand to his lips, his fingers still entwined with his.

“Of course darling.”

No. No you’re not safe.

You bit inside your cheek, trying to find something, anything to tip him off without blowing your cover but you came up empty except for one thing.

You had to tell him. You had no idea how you would do it, and you had no idea how he would react but you couldn’t—

You couldn’t just sit there and let them take him and blame him for things he quite possibly hadn’t done. Knowing the General, he would pull every trick in the game to convince your superiors that he was dangerous.

And Bucky was one of the very few people you knew who didn’t deserve that.

But how could you do it? You knew it would mean losing him, you were quite sure that he would never trust you again, nor would he ever want to see you again. Not only that, but if the General found out anything about you tipping him off, you would be killed, that was for sure.

As he always said, actions had consequences.

“Don’t look so worried,” he said with a chuckle, snapping you out of your thoughts, “I promise you, everything will be alright.”

For some reason, you were having a hard time believing it but you tried to smile, then leaned in to kiss him.

“Yeah,” you managed to say, “Of course it will.”

                                                ***

By the time you were done at work, you were way too tired but it had nothing to do with the goddamn milkshake shop. You half wished you could ask Keith or Chloe about what to do, but you decided you actually needed to come up with a plan before getting them involved.

If you were going to get them involved, you had to make sure they would be safe even if you wouldn’t be, but it didn’t mean the lack of plan at hand wasn’t making you panic. Even the mind blowing sex wasn’t enough to put you to sleep, not when you kept thinking about how it would end soon.

Either way, you were going to lose him.

The thought of it made the tears burn your eyes but you rolled over in bed and looked down at him. He looked so peaceful without nightmares torturing his sleep and you sniffled before leaning in to press your lips into his dark hair, inhaling his scent. He moved a little, letting out a content sigh and you pulled back to grab your dressing gown, then made your way to the kitchen as silently as possible. After grabbing the wine bottle, you went to the bathroom to get in the bathtub, the cold surface against your warm skin giving you goosebumps.

You were being so stupid. Even more stupid than a Victorian lady risking it all for dick.

You cussed under your breath and took a huge swig of the wine, leaning your head back, desperately trying to find an idea to help you get out of this thing unscathed.

Or not to break his heart in the process.

By the time you had finished the bottle, you were still clueless but alcohol was slowly taking away the panic pulsing through you. You kept your eyes on the wall, tracing the rim of the bottle and only when Bucky knocked on the door that you realized he was awake.

Wow, the spy in you would be so disappointed if it were any other time.

“Darling?”

“Hey,” you called out, “You can come in.”

He opened the door and his brows furrowed as soon as he saw you in the bathtub holding a wine bottle.

“Hey,” he said, “Everything alright?”

You closed your eyes for a moment, then nodded and looked up at him.

“I couldn’t sleep,” you said, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said and approached you to crouch down, “Nightmares?”

“Something like that,” you mumbled, still holding the bottle tight, “What time is it?”

“3 a.m.”

You heaved a sigh and he reached out to brush your hair behind your ear.

“Want to talk about it?” he asked softly and that made the burning in your eyes even worse, but you cleared your throat and shook your head.

“Did you know….” You trailed off, waving the empty bottle, “In some cultures people drink at funerals?”

“Nope,” he said, “I didn’t. Whose funeral is it then?”

“Mine I think.”

He tilted his head, stealing a look at the bottle before smiling at you softly. You were aware that he thought it was just the wine and nightmares speaking, and you were way too tired to let him know, to explain-

To lose whatever it was between you.

“You’re not dead, sweetheart.”

“Not yet,” you managed to say, and he took a deep breath.

“Don’t say that,” he said, his voice low as if the thought was too much for him to handle and you let out a bitter chuckle.

“Alright, I won’t.”

“Do you want to come back to bed?”

You shook your head, wiping at your eyes.

“Okay,” Bucky said, “Is it okay if I stay here then?”

“Yeah,” you sniffled, turning the bottle in your hands. His fingers caressed over your hair and the action was so soothing that for a moment you felt yourself getting lost in the feeling before you turned your head to look into his blue eyes.

“Do you think that—“ you paused for a moment, “Do you think we could have a happy ending?”

“A happy ending?” he repeated, confusion flashing over his features and you licked your lips.

“Yeah, do you think….Do you think we could have that house with the red door and the big garden and the treehouse?”

A gentle smile curled his lips and he nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, “Absolutely. And if I’m remembering it correctly, I was told there would be a hammock between an apple tree and a peach tree.”

“And a dog.”

“And a dog,” he repeated, “And kids.”

You could swear your heart hurt.

“I’m going to tell you something but you’re not allowed to say it back,” you said, “Not…not yet anyway. Not right now.”

He tilted his head, “Okay. What is it?”

“…I think I’m in love with you,” you admitted, your heart beating like crazy as you wiped your eyes again. A light crossed his eyes but you couldn’t even decipher what it was, instead you reached out to hold his hand, leaning your head back again.

“Why am I not allowed to say it back?” he asked and a painful smile pulled at your lips.

“Just because,” you said, “And I’m—I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asked and you opened your mouth, then the fear crashed down on you so you just shrugged your shoulders.

“Can we stay like this for tonight?”

He thought for a moment, then leaned in to press a kiss on your temple.

“Of course darling,” he said, “If that’s what you want, let’s stay like this.”

                                              ***

The next morning, you woke up with a clear decision in mind.

You had to tell Bucky and you had to get him out of the country before the General could lay a hand on him. You even had a speech in mind, but in the morning Bucky had an appointment with his psychiatrist so he had left early. You didn’t have much time anyway, you had to go to the base as well but it didn’t mean you were as calm as you would like to be.

You had to make sure not to make the General suspicious of you until Bucky was out but unfortunately, you hadn’t thought about your best friends.

Keith took one look at you when he saw you, then checked whether anyone was watching you before he placed his coffee cup on the desk and grabbed your wrist to pull you into the hallway.

“What happened?”

You crossed your arms and shrugged. “What? What are you talking about?”

“Something happened,” he said, “Tell me and I’ll help you fix it.”

“Keith-“

“Y/N, I know you better than you think I do,” he said through his teeth, “Is your cover blown? Is Barnes suspicious of something?”

You clenched your jaw, then shook your head.

“Then what is it?” he said, “Chloe says the mission will be over soon and you’ll probably become a handler, I thought you’d be—“

“That’s the problem,” you interrupted him, “The mission will be over soon.”

Keith shrugged, “Okay. So? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Apparently not.”

He pulled his brows together, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Maybe Bucky doesn’t deserve to be dragged here and have shit pinned on him. Again.”

He stared at you for a couple of seconds before a look of realization crossed his eyes and he ran a hand over his face.

“You’re not serious.”

“Keith—“

“That guy’s dick game can’t be that good. If you’re willing to put your life in danger just because he’s good at sex, I promise you there are a bunch of people who can fu—“

“It’s not because of that.”

“Oh it’s not? Then what is this about?”

“It’s not about anything, I’m just saying he doesn’t deserve it.”

“Y/N, if the General finds out you’ve gone soft—“

“I haven’t gone soft!”

“You know what happens to the spies who fall for their targets,” he whispered through his teeth, “No matter how much you want to—to put this behind you, to run away with him—“

“I’m not naïve,” you spat, “I know I’d never be able to run away. This is not a fairytale, I’m not going to walk off into the sunset with Bucky. He will never forgive me or want to be with me once he learns who I am.”

“Then?”

“It doesn’t mean he deserves this,” you said, “He tries to help people, and we will make people see him as dangerous.”

He shook his head, heaving a sigh.

“He’s a good person, Keith,” you said, “Unlike you and me, he’s a good person.”

“Y/N?”

You turned your head when you heard the General’s assistant calling out your name.

“Yes?”

“He’s ready for you.”

“Thanks,” you said and took a step but Keith grabbed you by the arm.

“Don’t tell him anything,” he whispered, “We’ll—we’ll figure something out, okay? Trust me, just don’t tell the General anything.”

You bit inside your cheek and nodded.

“We can talk about it later,” you said and walked to the General’s office. He was waiting for you behind his desk and looked up from the file when he heard you come in.

“Y/N,” he said, “Hello.”

“Sir,” you greeted him and sat down on the edge of the seat. “Hello.”

“I’ve been looking over your file,” he said, a small smile appearing on his lips, “And I gotta tell you, it’s….it’s very impressive.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Of all the missions we’ve put you on…” he said, “You haven’t failed. Ever.”

You felt like throwing up, but managed to smile back.

“You’ve taught me well.”

He let out a chuckle. “I’d like to take all the credit, but you and I both know it wasn’t just me, Y/N. You have a talent.”

Talent for killing and using people.

“Your father would be proud of you.”

Your eyes snapped up to his, that familiar ache at your heart making you sit up straighter.

“Growing up without him was very difficult for you,” he said, “I know that. I tried to help as much as I could and trust me, you’re like a daughter to me but I also know that deep down you waited for him to come back. Always.”

You rolled your shoulders back, trying to keep your head high.

“I’m not waiting for him to come back.”

“Y/N.”

“I’m not. He left me.”

He heaved a sigh and leaned in, his eyes locked into yours.

“I’m sorry you have to find out this way but your father didn’t leave you,” he said, making you frown. “The Winter Soldier killed him.”

Chapter 21

[falcqns]

he's gone for good.

pairing: sub!Bucky x Reader

summary: Bucky informs you about Steve leaving.

warnings: angst, sub!Bucky, crying Bucky, mentions of violence.

a/n: hope you enjoy!

when you opened the door, and was greeted with a crying Bucky, you had no idea what to do.

you may had known Bucky for many years, but he was never open emotionally with you. in front of you, at least.

you two had met when you were studying abroad in Bucharest, and ended up moving in right beside him. you knew who he was right away, and you also knew that he was most likely on the run from HYDRA and S.H.I.E.L.D., so you never revealed that you knew who he was.

a week into living there, you found out he had nightmares, but it wasn't until a month later that you found the perfect cure for them, home cooked food.

you were up late doing some research for a paper, when you heard the beginnings of a nightmare. you usually heard the terror and scream filled ends, not the beginnings, but you listened anyways.

he was calling out for someone. it took you a few seconds to decode what and who he was calling out for, but when you realized, your heart broke for him. he was calling out for his mom. his calls became louder and more desperate, before coming to a head with a shout, then sobs of heartbreak. it made you think of your mom, hundreds of miles away. it wasn't until you remembered that he was born in 1917, so his mom was definitely dead, that you moved from your bed.

you ran into the kitchen and pulled out all the ingredients for some chocolate chip cookies. eating homemade cookies always soothed all your pain when you were little, and you didn't want to think about the kind of food HYDRA fed him on a daily basis, if they fed him at all. you also knew he most likely wasn't eating properly here, as you’d see him come back everyday with plums, along with some type of street food that he found.

didn't matter what the street food was, he always had plums accompanying it. a quick google search told you that plums helped improve memory, so that was that question answered. an hour later, and the cookies were done, and loaded into a spare Tupperware that you had lying around, with a note on top letting hi know that if he ever needed to talk, you were there.

you placed it outside his door, knocked, and retreated to your unit just in time. thanks to an abandoned body mirror that sat opposite the wall that separated the two units, you got to see the smile that spread on his face when he saw the cookies and read the letter.

after that day, it became tradition.

every time he would have a nightmare, you would give him some type of food. whether it was chicken parm, French onion soup, cookies, cake, donuts, or even chicken nuggets and fries that you Uber Eat’d from McDonalds, you always made sure he was comforted.

it wasn't until a month before you were due to move back to your home country that you saw him face to face for the first time. you were bringing him some white chocolate macadamia nut cookies when he opened the door. he had a coat, hat, and leather gloves on, indicating he was going out.

he smiled and blushed, before speaking. “so you're the lovely lady that cooks for me,” he said, and you laughed before handing him the container with cookies.

“yes I am. I just made some more, actually.” you said with a smile as he took the box from you, and looked inside.

“well, thank you doll. these look absolutely delicious, I can't wait to try them.” he said with a smile and you felt your cheeks heat up.

he placed the box down on the table next to the door, and turned back to you.

“well, I'll let you get on with your day,” you said, as you turned to head back to your unit.

“actually,” he said, and you turned to face him. “I was just going to go on a walk since it was my day off today. do you maybe want to come with me?” he asked, and you felt butterflies form in your stomach as you nodded.

“sure! just let me grab my coat.” you said.

then, just like the cooking, the afternoon walk became tradition. you two would walk and talk about anything. whether it be work, school, or building drama, you always had something to talk about.

on a certain walk through a quiet little park, he confessed who he was, and was surprised when all you said was “I know.” he’d asked if you were afraid, and you said no. he’d asked if you were planning on turning him in, and you also said no.

you’d explained that it was obvious that HYDRA had control of him, and that everyone deserved a second chance. after your little speech, he’d kissed you, and asked you out on a date. you'd accepted, and started dating after your first date.

then, he was captured by S.H.I.E.L.D.. the two of you had been at the market together when he saw a newspaper saying that he had killed King T’Chaka with a bomb at the UN. he swore, and dragged you home. the two of you blew past your unit, and headed into his where you were faced with Steve Rogers. this didn't surprise you, he'd told you what he could remember about Steve, and you were expecting him to show up eventually, you just weren't expecting it to be so soon.

you could hear someone else, Sam, over Steve’s comm, and realized that there were police here, to capture Bucky. upon hearing this, Bucky shoved you out of the apartment, and down the hallway, with Steve following. he’d led you to a back entrance that you didn't even know was there, and told you tp leave the building until everything was over.

he gave you one last hug and kiss, and your first ‘I love you’, and he was gone.

you hadn't heard from him for 2 years, when you got a letter from him. according to the letter he had been seeking refuge in Wakanda, and had been freed of the Winter Soldier. he invited you to come and visit, and you did. you got to watch him tend to his goats (which he named after every avenger, even Tony) and interact with the Wakandan people, and the children. who knew a former brainwashed HYDRA assassin could be so sweet with young children? definitely not you.

then, just as you were preparing to leave and look for a farm where Bucky could continue to raise his goats and be with you, King T’Challa came to Bucky and gifted him a new arm, and informed him of a new fight. Bucky had begged you to leave, but you wouldn't have it. you had been working out and training since the day that you watched him and Steve fight against the police in Bucharest, wanting nothing more than to run in there and protect him.

so, you fought. it felt surreal to you to be fighting with the Avengers beside you, although there was no place you’d rather be. in that moment, as you were racing towards those “space dogs”, as Rocket had called them at one point, you didn't care if you lived or died, won or lost. you only cared about fighting beside the love of your life.

watching that same love of your life fade away to dust in a beautiful Wakandan forest broke you in two. you had just gotten him back, and you’d lost him again. you were trapped in your own head for days, wishing to dust away like him, just to be with him.

before you knew it, 5 years had passed, and you had joined the remaining Avengers. how you went from studying abroad in Bucharest, to being an Avenger, you had no idea, but you were grateful nonetheless. when Steve, Natasha, and Scott approached you with the possibility that you would be able to get Bucky back, you instantly accepted.

you joined Tony, Steve and Scott, and helped Steve in the fight against himself. when Tony failed to get the Tesseract the first time, you joined them on their journey into 1970, and was blown away. it wasn't exactly the time that Bucky and Steve were from, but it kind of felt like it in a way, and you instantly felt closer to Bucky, although Steve had to stop you from going to find Bucky, who was coincidentally only a few kilometres away at that point in time.

you fought with Steve and the rest of the Avengers against Thanos, and almost fainted from happiness when you saw your Bucky walk through the portal and run into your arms. you, once again, fought with the Avengers and Bucky to defeat Thanos once and for all.

then, Tony snapped his fingers, and your whole world changed. you didn't know it at that particular moment, but it did.

you attended Tony's funeral, and you and Bucky went home. a few days later, Bucky and Sam went to see Steve off to return the stones. you had no idea why, according to Bruce it would take about 5 seconds, but Bucky insisted that he needed to go, and said that he was sorry he couldn't join you on an afternoon walk, your first one with him in over seven years.

but, then he showed up at the door, tears streaming from his steel blue eyes, his cheeks puffy, and the smallest of sobs escaping from his rosy lips, and you knew something went wrong.

you pulled him into your apartment, and wrapped your arms around him. he nuzzled his face into your neck, and sobbed freely.

“what happened?” you asked. “did something happen to Steve?” at the mention of his best friend, Bucky sobbed harder, and your question was answered, albeit silently.

you pulled him into the bedroom, and stripped him from his clothes. you’d never dealt with a sobbing and heartbroken Bucky in person before, so you just went with what felt right.

you instructed him softly to go lay on the bed, and he nodded. you laid down on your side, and pulled him to lay on your chest. as your hands ran through his hair that was starting to curl slightly, you tried again.

“can you tell me what happened, honey?”

Bucky sniffled a few times and sat up. you did the same, and he fiddled with his metal fingers while he talked.

“y’know yesterday when Steve and I went out for lunch?” he asked, and you nodded. “well, he told me about your journey back to the 1970′s with him.”

you furrowed your brow in confusion, but nodded. “I-i guess he was dodging some workers or something because he hid in an office, an office that happened to belong to Peggy Carter. he said that he saw her through the glass, and that he realized that he could have the life with her that he’d always wanted, the Pym Particles safe in his pocket. he knew that he had to come back and bring everyone back, but then he was going to go back.” you didn't know what to think. that wasn't the Steve that you knew, the Steve that you had become family with over those horrible and painful five years.

“when he told me, I didn't really think he was going to do it.” Bucky said, his voice shaking. you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, and he rested his head against your chest.

“even when I watched him disappear on the tunnel platform I didn't believe it. then, he showed up again.” he said, almost whispering.

“he was old. like grey hair, wrinkles, all of it.” he managed to get out in between sobs that were growing louder. “t-thats when it hit me. that he left me, for he-” he tried to say, before his sobs started full force again, and you pulled him to lay on you. he had his head on your chest, and his body in between your legs.

his cries continued, and you knew there was no stopping them. he was heartbroken, and he had to work through his feelings, not ignore them.

he swallowed, and continued to explain. “he left me for the girl he kissed once. which is great, he deserves to be happy, but I need him. I'm finally completely free, and I don't have my childhood best friend anymore.” he sobbed out, and you started to rock your body slowly to soothe him.

you wanted to cry too. cry about the friend that you’d never get to see again, but you couldn't, not yet. Bucky was hurting way more than you were, and you could push your pain down until Bucky was okay. you cuddled him closer to you, and spoke into his hair.

“its okay, baby boy.” you said, and he nuzzled deeper into you, the stress and sadness melting away from his body. it would return later, but it was gone for the time being. he sighed in contentedness, and his tears slowly stopped. you kissed his forehead, and felt him smile.

you ran your hands through his locks for the millionth time, and hummed a slow tune to him to soothe him further. you felt his breathing even out, ad light snores escape his mouth, and you smiled.

at least for a while, he was at peace, a peace he hadn't had in a while.

[starshipsofstarlord]

A Stark Contrast | Bucky Barnes

Summary; living in the shadow of Tony, your brother, always was the way, and you accepted it. That was until he expected you to sign the accords, that was one thing that you couldn’t do.

Warnings; Angst, mentions of death, mentions of being controlled, funeral, mourning, anger

The form, bound in a weighty book laid on the table, making the room fill with utmost tension. Tony was hellbent on signing the thing, and handing away any freedom that all of you had.

No matter how long you had supported him, this was not one subject that you could agree with him on. Whilst you understood his perspective, it would only end up with you in a hamster wheel, running around and following the orders of executives.

They wanted less destruction. To put boundaries around their country’s heroes, and limit them to the lengths they could go to in order to save lives.

That was also wrong, the entire ordeal had you bent backwards with a conflict of interests. On one hand, it would be ordinary to sign for such a cause, whether you trusted their backgrounds or not, simply because your elder sibling had.

There was nobody that you trusted more than Tony, he had half raised you after your parents were killed, you felt indebted to him. But being an avenger, on a team where your personal opinion had been valued, it opened your eyes to a whole range of possibilities.

Whilst you were loyal to Tony, you had also became in tune with your own gut. It grumbled at the prospect of giving in to a contract, which decided what you were permitted to do. It was like a child’s parent permission slip, but on a much grander scale.

“People died!” He reminded the lot of you again, which inclined you to look down. There was blood on all of your hands, and he was making it as red as it could possibly be seen. “At least y/n agrees with me.” He reprimanded Steve, whom was still far on the fence regarding the entire ordeal.

Once he said that, all eyes had shifted towards you. Nat had already basically given in to your brother’s convictions, and Steve suspected that you would do the same. You were always one step behind Tony, you were far too loyal to your sibling for your own good.

“I have yet to make up my mind.” You spoke, standing, no longer wishing to be in the room where there was far too much tension. How you wished Banner and Thor were here, they would make an equal divide. The God of Thunder would not scribble his signature upon the paper, you thought to yourself, if he knew their reasons and affects.

However, your words were taken as an assumption that you would join your sibling in providing a peaceful surrender. It is what he and the public would assume of you, and to be truthful, you were tired of sticking to the stereotypes that were made of you.

“I’m surprised that you came.” Steve spoke, as you opened the boot of your car, and revealed the shield that he was so often adorned with, as well as Sam’s wings. He, like most others, had suspected that you would join your brother in his guilt ridden cause, however, thinking for yourself gave you a sense of freedom.

“Don’t be so quick to prevail into what everyone else thinks of me.” You smirked at the captain, your eyes drifting over to the other super soldier, whom had temporarily been imprisoned by the government.

But he had escaped, and if luck was not often a Stark trait, Tony would have died. You had watched from the cameras, but you could boil no bad blood in between the pair of you, Barnes was not in his right mind. He was controlled, and put into a incomprehensible mode of himself. That was, unless, he had managed to kill Tony.

Then you would have changed your own deciding mind, and stuck to what the eldest Stark believed in. “I won’t, ever again.” Sam smiled, picking up redwing from the composed pile, and kissing the machine.

“Bucky.” You reiterated his name, the one that he had chosen to correct the unknown and deceiving man on. The nod you earnt was brief, but it gave you a sense of hope that whirled in your middle. 

It was clear that he was an attractive man, and alike his righteous friend, he was frozen through time to be in this current moment. As Sam and Steve began to get their things together, you walked over to the historical stranger, a smile upon your face. “I’m y/n Stark, I don’t believe we have had the fortune of meeting before.”

“You sure do speak like a Stark.” He softly spoke, a matching smile on his brawn face. “And you seem to have other things in common, like that necklace.” At his words, you looked down at it, a hint of anguish within your gaze.

“It belonged to my mother.” It was nice to reminisce about her for a moment, you knew that she would have made her own decisions too. In some retrospect, you were following in her footsteps.

A feeling grew in the back of Bucky’s throat, but he said nothing. If he were to spill, or reveal his dark secret, it would mean nothing more than the loss of a powerful asset, they could not afford that right now.

“Do you ever think about what would have happened if you got to return home?” It had been a stressful day, fighting your friends, and your last living family member. Bucky turned at your words, you had saved him from being killed, he felt indebted.

“Probably do what every other soldier did; find a woman to marry and have kids. But that’s far out of the picture in this modern age.” Steve was flying the aircraft as you and Bucky spoke in the back. It gave the two of you a moment alone, and you were truly knowing as though you knew the soldier.

He was a good man, misinterpreted by the deeds that he was controlled to do. No one chose to have pity on Barnes, they instead viewed him as a country danger, and wanted to lock him up in a cage, which was how he had come so far in the first place.

“I wouldn’t say that.” For a moment, you looked into his deep blue eyes, feeling as though he were freezing you with them. He didn’t want to look away, but you were inclined to, for you could feel the contrasts of hot and cold heat working its way up your neck, and onto your face. “There’s definitely a woman that would want all that and more with you.”

If things were simpler, you would be convinced that you could share such an intimate bond with him, but alas, everything had to be complicated. And if things could work out, they surely couldn’t last.

“We’re here.” Steve informed the both of you, as he slid out of his front seat, and you prepared to finish this for once and for all.

“How could you?!” You couldn’t defend him as Tony blasted him away, Bucky had played you, and done so well. He and Steve knew of the blood on his hands, and yet they hadn’t thought once to inform you of the one true treachery regrading you.

Bucky had killed your mother, from the intake of information alone, you felt sick. Physically sick. But you choked it down, and as Steve unsurely came towards you, you ran at him, angered by his lies.

From the start, the patriot of America, someone you had considered a friend had deceived you. You had helped him, stood with him, fought your friends for him, and not to mention Tony, and he had known all along.

“Y/n-”

“Save your apologies Rogers.” You stared him down, as he had Bucky held up by one arm, seeing as Barnes had lost one of his own again. “And you, you’re right, there’s no perfect picture, you’re nothing but a monster.”

“Listen.” Steve commanded, but you couldn’t. He was no longer considered your captain, he was a sick liar who had helped to break you. This was the last time that you made your own decisions. Tony was always right.

“You don’t deserve that shield, my father made that. It’s government property-” swiftly he dropped said item, an exhausted and tiresome expression upon Steve’s helmet wearing face.

As soon as they trudged by, you instantly went to Tony, checking his wounds. “You were right brother, I should have listened to you.”

“Your dad loved cheeseburgers too.” You laughed lightly to Morgan, blinking back the tears. It was Tony’s funeral, there were so many people here, even Fury, but there was someone else, who was walking towards you. “Why don’t you go and ask Happy, I have some business that I have to tend to quickly.”

“Okay auntie y/n.” She ran off. She was so innocent, she didn’t deserve to be going to her father’s funeral at five years old, it was truly cruel. But that was just the way the world worked, and Tony was a hero.

“Hi.” Bucky spoke, adorned in all black, same as you. It had been a long time since you had seen him, not since he was being carried away by Steve. You hadn’t fought in Wakanda, instead you had ended up on Titan with your brother, and you would have surely died without him.

“Hey Barnes.” You greeted him with a forced smile, but nevertheless allowed him to step closer.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He said, the guilt still burning behind his eyes. It seemed that his time in Wakanda had changed him, for the better.

“Which one?” You quipped back, instantaneously. 

“All of them.” He gulped, he was going to give you one truth before you found out after. It was his attempt at redemption, and a sorrowful one at that. “Steve’s returning the stones later.”

“I know.” You responded, the captain had already informed you about that part of his plan.

“And he’s not coming back.”

“Anthony Howard and Steven Nathan Barnes, the two of you better get back here this instant!” Your voice hollered through the house, as well as the duo’s endless giggles.

The front door opened, no other than Bucky walking through. He was quick to recognise the flash of motherly anger upon your face, and quickly dropped his serene smile.

“What have they done?” Bucky asked, watching as you crossed your arms in an unimpressed manner.

“Why don’t you ask your sons?” Your husband sighed, but despite that, he was a happy man. He had returned from a war, and found a lovely wife, of which he had two troublesome boys with. For the first time in a long time, y/n Stark and Bucky Barnes were happy.

[angelmavmurdock]

Our Little Secret: Part Eight - A.R.

LAST OF THE SERIES

Word count: Summary: 5 years later...

-

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF MURDER AND SEXUAL ASSAULT (basically everything Arvin and the preacher did in the movie is touched on).

-

5 years later

"Well, y/n, your application is outstanding. We'd love for you to work here." The headteacher spoke to me from across his desk.

"Really? Wow! Thank you so much!" I beamed.

"The new school term starts in August and the kids really need a well-taught, professional, young teacher who can help them grow as children. I think you're perfect for the job."

"Thank you so much, that means a lot. I can't wait to start."

Teaching. Teaching year 1. It was my dream to work with kids and now finally after 4 years of college I could do it.

I've been living in Cincinnati since I left high school 5 years ago. I needed to get out of that town as soon as I could. Everywhere I went it would remind me of Lenora...and Arvin.

I kept in touch with Emma, though. We still chatted at least a few times a month on the phone and she told me every time how much she missed Lenora and how much she missed Arvin. Though it was easier with Lenora because she knew what had happened to her - well, not fully - but she knew that she was gone. With Arvin, she didn't know why he was gone, what he was doing or had done and if he was still even alive. I didn't tell her about what Arvin told me on our last night. I promised him I wouldn't.

But every time I called her it was like I was being set back on my journey of grief and getting over him. I was with a lovely guy called William and we've been together since my last year of college. He didn't know about Lenora or Arvin or the Russell's.

But he did come with me to my father's funeral a few months ago.

Daddy had gotten worse and worse since being in New Coal Creek. We thought he was going to get better once we got him into hospital but it didn't make a difference. And when I moved to Cincinnati, I hardly ever saw him and Ma and I's row got in between Daddy and I's relationship.

So I went to his funeral feeling like the worst daughter on the planet. And I felt as if I was losing everyone I had ever truly loved.

Will was lovely and he worked in the same position Daddy used to work at. We had a house together and we lived there comfortably. It's much like how I grew up living. A big house with no one to fill it with. We didn't even have a dog or a cat because of his allergies. We were engaged to be married and he had bought me a very expensive and big diamond ring which was nice but I had no interest in.

Of course, I accepted. But as soon as he asked me the million dollar question, the first person that popped into my head was Arvin. And then Lenora. And then Daddy.

Wedding planning was very stressful when you don't have many friends or family around to help.

And after my meeting with the headteacher I was heading into town to find my wedding dress.

I was dreading it.

Ma was coming down to help and we'd meet at the place.

I thanked the headteacher and walked out excitedly, ready to start my teaching career. I got in my car and I drove into town. The closer I got, the worse I felt. I didn't want to get a wedding dress and I didn't want to get it with Ma either.

I parked outside of the dress shop and reluctantly got out. The shop was extravagant and elegant. I dreaded going inside. But my feet took me in as my brain lusted for home.

"y/n!" Ma exclaimed, shuffling up to me, already carrying dresses in her arms.

"Ma, hi." She nearly winded me as she embraced me.

I lightly put my hands around her but she tore away quickly.

"This place is just wonderful! I've already found a few you'd look great in!"

"Ma, I'd love if I was the one who would get to pick out my own weddin' dress." I raised a brow.

She sighed, "Fine. Yes, of course. Go into the changin' rooms and I'll follow."

I rolled my eyes and walked to one of the rooms where a consultant with a pearly white smile greeted me.

"Miss y/l/n, lovely to meet you. I'm Angela and I'll be helpin' you today! Are these the dresses you'd like to try?" She chirped, referring to the dresses in my mothers arms.

I sighed, "Yes."

"Great! Come on in."

-

I stood on the podium in front of the wall-length mirror with the fourth wedding dress on. It was a column dress that fell straight down with only a slight cinch at the waist. It had long sleeves and a high neck and lace covered the bodice. It was not my style.

"You look beautiful!" Ma complimented.

"I don't like it, Ma." I shook my head, twisting and turning to look at it.

"It's your fourth dress and you haven't liked any of them."

"They're just...not my style." I sighed.

Ma rolled her eyes and stood next to me, "It's not about your style. It's about looking gorgeous on your wedding day."

I furrowed my brows, "It's my wedding dress and it's my wedding. I want to love my dress."

"Well you are not the one paying for it." She brushed over my hips.

I felt rage bubble inside of me.

"Fine. We'll take this one then." I stated with a scoff and returned to the changing room in a huff.

-

"Okay, your fitting will be next month and that's when you'll get your dress home, alright?"

"Thank you." I smiled weakly at the consultant.

"You're welcome. Have a nice day!"

We waved goodbye and began walking out the shop. I placed my white gloves on and adjusted the white hat ornamented with a flower on my curled hair. I smoothed out my white and pale blue polka-dotted dress and adjusted the sky blue belt around my waist. Ma opened the door for me and I thanked her before leaving and hearing the click of my heels on the ground.

"y/n, I won't keep you long, but...you're a woman now. You're 23, you're getting married, you live away from home, you're getting a job. You're a woman. But just because you are older, does not mean I stop being your mother. I will always be your mother whether you like it or not and you have to treat me as such." Ma said, folding her arms over her red, floral tea dress.

I took a deep breath and looked at her.

"You took away my freedom when I was a teenager and because of that, I lost time with - not only Lenora - but Arvin, too. I don't know where he is now. No one does."

Just as I was about to talk about our last night I remembered she still didn't know I snuck out.

"I lost my best friend and the love of my life in the space of weeks and you kept me locked away until there was no one left. I'll never forgive you for that." I said, my head held high.

Ma took a few seconds to process the information and then nodded.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I had no idea. I love you, y/n. I will always love you, alright?" She held my shoulders.

I swallowed and nodded, not looking at her.

"Congratulations on your new job, honey. I'll see you soon." She leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek then turned and walked away.

I took a few deep breaths as I watched her, guilt and anger washing away gradually. Part of me didn't want to go home. I wanted to escape for a while. I didn't want to have to go back and sit alone in a huge house I didn't like and I didn't want to wait up for a phone call from Will. I wanted to be by myself. I needed to. I looked around and at my car before deciding I'd go into town for a while.

I left the car and stuffed the keys further into my handbag. I clicked down the pavement until I reached the main road of shops, leading to a lake and a park where families would walk and eat ice-cream.

It was summer, so the sun was out in full, the trees swaying in the warm breeze and the sound of a few buskers playing accompanied by the noise of town people roaming around filled the warm air.

I smiled and said good mornin' to people as I walked by, waving at a few kids and cooing at some babies. I'd never really spent much time in town. I was always working or at the house with Will. It felt good to be out and alone. I wandered around, looking in some shop windows and wishing for the dresses but deciding against it.

It wasn't until I passed a shop and briefly glanced in it that I actually stopped to look closely. I took a double take and stood in front of the window, looking up at the displayed mannequin. It was a white blouse paired with a white tennis skirt and blue ribbon tied around the neck. A fond grin grew on my face. It reminded me of high school. Though I never wore mine on my neck, I still wanted it. I never wore ribbons in my hair anymore.

I couldn't help myself but go in. I entered the seemingly quiet shop and found the nearest shop consultant.

"Hi! I love that ribbon you have on show, is it for sale?" I asked with a smile.

The woman looked almost confused, "It's a ribbon...it's for decoration?"

"Oh...well, I'd still love to buy it. Name a price." I smiled again.

She looked at me dumbfounded for a moment but then shook it off and walked to the mannequin. She untied the silk and walked back over with it, placing it into my hands.

"It's free." She smiled.

"Thank you so much. I love it." I grinned.

"Have a nice day, now."

"I will." I beamed, walking out the store.

I felt giddy with nostalgia and excitement as I pulled my hair back under my hat and tied it with the ribbon, giving it a delicate bow. I checked it in my compact mirror and smiled with joy. I felt closer to myself.

I continued walking down the road and then to the lake. I stood and leaned against the railing, watching the elegant swans float by, their white feathers contrasting beautifully against the dark blue of the water. I watched them for a while, probably for about 10 minutes before I felt a light tug on my dress.

I got a fright and looked down where a young girl was standing next to me. I immediately smiled with relief and stood back.

"Hello," I waved.

"You're very beautiful, ma'am." She complimented in a strong southern accent.

"Why thank you, Mrs." I grinned.

"Would you like some bread to feed the swans?" She offered, holding up a chunk of bread.

"I would love some. Thank you." I graciously accepted the bread, holding it in my gloved hands.

The girls' mother called her back. She looked up at me and waved.

"Bye!" She said, before running off to her mum.

I smiled and laughed a little before turning back to the swans. I broke a piece of bread off and threw it in the water. I threw some more pieces in and watched as they all swam to the food, fighting over who got what.

Once I was out of bread, I sighed, leaning against the railing by my forearms. I took in my surroundings. I looked to my left where children were playing with each other as parents stood or sat on benches, resting. A few elderly couples walked by, hand in hand, arm in arm, chatting about everything and nothing.

A girl on a pink bike caught my eye. She was gorgeous and sat atop the seat with joy and pride as she rode by. My eyes followed her as she rode behind me and kept going.

But my eyes shifted focus when she rode by someone.

Someone who looked eerily familiar.

He had brown, woven, checkered trousers on and a white dress shirt with sleeves that were rolled up to his elbows. Brown suspenders hung over his shoulders and a white vest peeked out from the unbuttoned shirt.

But the dark eyes with the brown, slicked back hair and the cigarette in his mouth gave him away.

He was already looking at me, however. Like he had been for hours. I turned slightly, feeling my heart beat rise as he threw his cigarette on the ground.

It can't be him. It's just a lookalike. It's because I've been thinking about him today. It's not him. He's not here.

He walked closer to me but stopped about 2 metres away, hands in pockets with his chest rising and falling as rapidly as mine.

I could feel my chest heave against my dress as I stared at him, trying to decipher if that was truly him or if I was just dreaming.

"y/n?" He finally said, unsure of whether I was who he thought I was.

"A-Arvin?" I whispered.

A smile began to grow on his face and I knew it was him. It was him. Arvin.

I dropped my handbag and ran towards him, throwing my arms around his neck a our bodies collided, nearly setting us back.

His arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me up, making my legs pop up. He still smelled the same and he still felt the same. He felt like home.

"I can't believe you're here." I whispered, feeling a tear fall down my face.

He placed me back on my feet and I looked at him, cupping his face with my hands. He held them, stroking my thumbs with a smile.

"Why are you here?" He asked softly.

"I-I live here. I have since...since high school." I gulped.

He raised his brows, "I've been here for four years, y/n."

My mouth dropped open, "What?!"

He grinned, his hands squeezing mine, "We've both been livin' here for four years but not ran into each other."

I stuttered, "Wh-what? How is that- oh my gosh." I laughed, bringing my hands away from his face.

"I can't believe you're here, Arvin." I gulped, my chin quivering slightly.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again." I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from crying in public.

"Hey, shh." He brought me into him, cradling my head against his chest.

"We're here. I'm here." He said softly.

-

We decided to walk around the park to catch up which seemed both amazing but alien at the same time. We were still us but we had changed so much.

"Still wearin' ribbons I see." He grinned.

I laughed, "Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not. I always loved them." He smiled.

I blushed and looked to the ground.

"So, why Cincinnati?" Arvin asked.

I sighed, "I couldn't live there anymore after school." I gulped.

"It was just too hard. And I got accepted into college here so I decided to move."

"You'll be finished school now, right?" Arvin queried.

"Yeah. I just finished and I actually just got a job today, so." I smiled.

"That's amazin'. I'm happy for you." He grinned.

"Thank you..."

We walked in silence for a little longer than I would have hoped. But he broke it again.

"Why're you in town today, then? Considering I spend every day here and I've never seen you leads me to believe you don't come here often." He chuckled.

I nodded, "Yeah, I never get the chance too. But I was uh...I was actually in town for a dress fitting." I coughed, looking down at the floor.

"Goin' somewhere nice?" He asked.

I scoffed a laugh and looked up at him, "My wedding."

He stared at me in surprise, eyes wide and mouth open, soaking in the information.

"Y-you're engaged?" He croaked.

I nodded, removing my left glove to show the sturdy ring that sat on my finger.

"W-wow. I mean...he must be rich if you got a ring like that." He swallowed, looking down at his shoes.

"I mean...yeah, I guess." I shrugged awkwardly, putting the glove back on.

"How long have you been-"

"Uh, since last year. We met in college. He was doin' finance and Daddy actually put in a good word for him and he got his old job."

"He got your daddy's old job?" Arvin repeated.

"Yeah...yeah once uh...once he passed, they needed someone to fill his shoes so." I gulped.

Arvin stopped, "Your Dad passed? When?"

I chewed the inside of my lip, "Earlier this year."

"y/n, I am so, so sorry." He placed a hand on my arm.

"No, don't be silly. It's fine. He just never got well after he took a turn in Coal Creek." I said, beginning to walk again.

"I remember how sick he was..."

My chest fluttered. It was as if our past was an alternate universe. Like we never really lived it. It was just a different version of ourselves that did. Because now, we were here and it didn't feel the same. Not completely.

"So...should I ask how you ended up here?" I asked cautiously.

He tilted his head from side to side as if trying to figure an answer out himself.

"I don't think you'd like the details." He stated, reaching into his pocket for another cigarette.

"Did you..." I stopped, looking around us before lowering my voice.

"Did you do what you implied you would?" I asked, looking into his seemingly innocent eyes.

He inhaled some smoke and then exhaled, turning away for my sake.

"I did what I implied." He stated simply.

My stomach turned. I kept chewing my lip with nervousness, looking into his eyes. He didn't seem like a killer. He wasn't a bad person. I knew him. I knew who he was. And a murderer was not in his description.

I wanted to know about it. About him. I needed to know. So, impulsively - a word I hadn't used since our last night in Coal Creek - I invited him back with me.

"Would you come home with me? I live 15 minutes out of town and I'd really like to talk but I don't think a public park is appropriate." I said in a hushed tone.

He thought about it before nodding, "Sure."

-

The drive to my house was a little awkward. The radio played at a low hum while we sat in near silence, only the sound of the wind and other cars passing by filling the air.

"Used to be me drivin' you everywhere." Arvin commented with a chuckle.

I smiled, "Oh, how the tables have turned."

He laughed and so did I, then we resumed our mutual silence.

When we got to Will and I's estate, I drove through the gates of the house to the driveway where at the top, a large house sat - much like the one in Coal Creek.

"Our drivin' might've changed but this certainly hasn't." Arvin sighed, almost as if he was disappointed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked with a raised brow.

He shrugged, "Feels all too familiar, that's all." He said before getting out the car.

I screwed my face up at his comment but decided to let it slide. I got out of the car and locked it before following Arvin who seemed as if he knew the place, up the steps of the porch.

"Is your fiancé home?" He asked the ground, hands in pockets.

I shook my head, "He's out of town for a weekend with work."

I stuck the key into the lock of the wide, white front door and opened it. I walked inside then held it open for Arvin.

He walked in and looked around, taking in his new surroundings.

The hallway was wide and white, only paintings filling the wall space and a large staircase to the left winded up to the next floor.

"Wow...I mean, you've done well for yourself." Arvin scoffed a laugh.

"Thank you." I smiled weakly, taking my hat from my head.

He looked up at the high ceilings, appreciating the chandelier that hung above the doorway.

"Come on through. Do you want tea? Coffee?" I offered, walking down the hallway and into the open kitchen/living room area while taking my gloves off.

He walked in behind me, looking around the new room he was in before following me into the kitchen.

"How about a scotch?" He asked with a smirk.

I smiled, "That'd be appropriate, I think."

I got the crystal decanter and two glasses from the tray that sat atop the kitchen table. I poured us two glasses and then handed Arvin one. I brought the decanter with us as we migrated to the couch.

I slipped my heels off before sitting down, my dress puffing and fanning out over my lap. Arvin sat opposite me, his ankle resting on his knee comfortably.

"So..." I started.

"So." He repeated.

"I think I might have more questions about you than you do about me." I smiled weakly.

He nodded, "Probably right."

I took a deep breath before asking any questions.

"Who got Lenora pregnant?" I asked.

I thought that would be a good starting point. It was what started everything.

"Reverend Teagardin. The new preacher that came to town." Arvin answered.

My eyes widened, "What?!"

"He took Lenora - and other girls - into the woods," Arvin began to explain.

He stared at the crystal in his hands and the liquid floating inside of it. He didn't once look up at me.

"He'd make them pray before they got started and he'd take advantage of them."

"Didn't he have-"

"A wife? Yeah. But he was abusin' her at home, too." He gulped.

"Oh my god. That's horrible." I sighed, my stomach feeling uneasy.

He finally looked up at me and I could feel his curiosity burn into me.

"Do you...do you still talk to Grandma?" He asked, his voice slightly shaky.

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah. I talked to her last week."

A slight smile grew on his face with relief, "How is she?"

"She's okay. She always talks about you and Lenora. Mostly you now, though. I mean, I never told her a thing about our last night and she still doesn't know about Lenora's pregnancy. She knows just as much as when you left."

He licked his teeth and nodded, "Thanks for keepin' in touch."

"Of course. I said I would, didn't I?" I grinned.

He nodded with a smile.

"So how about you? Livin' here in this big house with a big-shot fiance. Must be nice." He quirked his brow, taking a sip of his drink.

He was trying to pry something out of me, I could feel it.

"It's good. He takes care of me and we're happy." I stated.

"It's not boring?"

"No." I lied.

He tilted his head, "I can tell when you're lyin', y/n."

I scoffed, "You haven't seen me in five years and you think you can just come back here and tell me you know me so well? Don't start with that bullshit, Arvin."

He furrowed his brows, "Are you mad at me? What did I do?"

I rolled my eyes, "You don't know me, Arvin. So don't act like you do."

I sat my glass down and swiftly stood up from the couch. He did the same.

"I might not have seen you in years but I think I know you better than anyone on this planet. Am I right?" He asked, watching as I paced up and down in front of him.

I scoffed and shook my head.

"You're tellin' me that this guy- this guy - knows you better than I do?" Arvin lifted a picture of Will and I up to demonstrate.

"Yes. He does."

"Bullshit." He spat.

"You don't get to say shit like that Arvin. You know why?" I challenged, standing close to him with my hands on my hips.

"Why?" He retorted.

"Because you left! You left to murder someone! You'd have rather been a killer livin' with guilt for the rest of your life than to be with me." I shouted.

I didn't notice how close we were until he laughed and I could feel his familiar breath on my face.

"I had to do it. That preacher was no good. And neither was that cops sister and her dirt-bag husband." He snapped.

I blinked at him in confusion.

"Wh-what do you mean the cops sister and her husband?" I asked in a soft tone.

He looked away from me and gulped.

I gasped and held my hands over my mouth, "Did- did you-"

He grabbed and held my hands, "They were gonna kill me, y/n. They would take hitchhikers and murder them to take pictures with their dead bodies. I wasn't about to be the next one."

I widened my eyes, "They did what?!"

"And then I got caught out by the cop...his sister was the wife. He followed me to Knockemstiff and tried to shoot me with a shot gun. I had to, y/n. He was gonna kill me I-"

I could see the tears and the panic in his eyes. I just reached my hands up and wrapped them around his shoulders, bringing him into my arms. His face went into my neck and I could feel tears drip onto my skin. I threaded my fingers through his hair.

"I'm a bad person, y/n. I killed four people..." He sniffed.

"Arvin, look at me." I tugged him from my neck and cupped his cheeks.

"You are not a bad person. You were just caught up in some twisted shit and you had no other way. You are a good person, Arvin." I said sincerely, feeling tears spring into my own eyes.

"I lost you because of it, though I just- I can't-" He cried.

"I know." I sniffled, feeling a tear drip down my face.

I looked at him; teary, eyes swollen and red, complexion pale. I didn't know what else to do.

"You're a good person, Arvin." I said again, leaning up on my tip-toes to kiss his cheek.

He hummed at my touch and I kissed his other cheek, "You did nothin' wrong."

I went back to his right cheek and kissed it again like I needed to feel his skin on my lips once more.

Just as I went to kiss his other cheek, he leaned forward and caught my lips with his instead.

I gasped, pulling away from his body and looking at him, touching my fingers over my lips.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You're an engaged woman and I-"

I launched forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and crashing my lips to his. It took a second to make sure it was real. But as his hands slid effortlessly onto my waist, I knew.

"You're the love of my life, Arvin. You always have been and always will be." I whispered, pulling away briefly.

He stared into my eyes but didn't say a word. But I knew what he was thinking. He kissed me again, our lips moved over each other's with fervour and passion, the excitement and thrill of tasting each other again for the first time in years. In too long. He felt and tasted the same but more mature and wiser.

He pushed me back by my waist until my back hit the wall. I let out a moan of surprise and pleasure. He smirked against my lips before devouring me again. His tongue slipped easily into my mouth and I hummed, fully tasting him. My fingers ran through and tugged at his hair, and his hands ran up and down my sides and my back.

His touch felt nostalgic but euphoric and in the heat of the moment, everything was perfect.

"Your lips taste amazing," He said breathlessly between sloppy kisses.

"So do yours." I replied.

He wrapped his hands around my back and skilfully unzipped my dress. It fell to the floor in a pool around my ankles. I brought my hands to his shoulders as our kiss got heavier, teasing his suspenders before sliding them off his arms. I began unbuttoning his shirt in a hurried fashion as his lips started trailing down my jaw to my neck. I was finally able to push the fabric from his shoulders and then pulling his vest over his head.

And as his hands came down to my thighs to lift me up and around his torso, and as he carried me up and into my bedroom; I knew that he was it. He was the person I was destined to be with. He was the love of my life.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

5 years later

(Play ‘That Old Feeling’ by Doris Day now)

I placed the needle carefully onto the record and turned it up.

I walked through the house and got to the porch where I looked out and saw Arvin and Jack playing catch. I stood with a grin as my husband and 4 year old played enthusiastically - the old baseball still intact and very much in use.

I crouched down and placed the 2 year old who rested on my hip, onto the ground. She wobbled slightly but quickly got up and running. She made her way to the stairs which I quickly intervened and grabbed her hand to help her down onto the soil.

"Go get Daddy, Charlotte. Go!" I laughed, pointing to Arvin.

She squealed happily and ran towards her Dad, arms flailing clumsily as she sprinted. Arvin stopped the game of catch briefly as he saw his daughter coming towards him.

"Hey princess!" He grinned, crouching to his knees and grabbing his daughter.

He lifted her up and sat her on his knee, handing her the ball.

"Throw the ball to Jack, Charlotte!" Arvin prompted, pointing to the blonde haired boy who stood confidently.

She babbled a few words and then threw the ball onto the ground. At least she attempted. I whooped and clapped as I walked over.

"Good job, baby!" I praised in a baby voice.

Arvin stood up, letting Charlotte run around with her brother for a while, the dog joining them, enthusiastically bounding around them.

"Hey, handsome." I grinned as I reached Arvin.

"Hey, beautiful." He smiled.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me, tongue briefly slipping into my mouth. I hummed in surprise and pulled away.

"Careful, Arvin or you'll be makin' another one of those tonight." I giggled.

We stood side by side, an arm wrapped around each other's back as we watched Jack attempt to play catch with his sister.

"Why don't we make another one, then?" Arvin suggested.

I looked at him with raised brows, "If you want to push one out of your ass, then by all means let's do it."

He chuckled, "I'm serious, y/n."

I turned to face him and he wrapped his arms around my waist while I played with the bottom of his hair.

"Another baby girl or boy? With a dog?" I laughed.

"Yeah...I mean it's crazy but it's our crazy." He smirked.

"Hmm, depends how nice you treat me tonight." I bit my lip.

He held back a shit-eating grin, "Oh...you're so gettin' knocked up tonight."

I gasped, smacking his chest with a laugh.

"I love you." He smiled.

"I love you, too."

"Forever?" He quipped.

"And ever." I smiled.

And we meant it.

-

A/N: oh my god. that's the mini-series done! i loved writing for Arvin it was fun with the southern dialogue and the 60s time period! i hope you all enjoyed reading as much as i enjoyed writing. If you'd like to request any one shots, head over to my instagram @tomholland1510 to request!

ALSO!! bonus points to anyone who understands the easter eggs in the kids' names! do they seem familiar? ;)

-

{Tags: @notandordinaryprincess96 @imagine-yourself-happy​}