#my love my light my reason to live
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erinwantstowrite · 17 days ago
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thinking so hard about the very shitty au i wrote when i was on wattpad where Lucy (fairy tail) met the guild as a kid but they had their memories wiped at the end of it and didn't remember her, so when she finally meets natsu again SHE remembers them but they don't remember her. also she was their enemy when they first met and when she ran away from her father it was because he tried to create one of the time travel gates but he had to sacrifice a celestial wizard to even try and get it operating. i think she had two older siblings in this au too? anyway i never posted it but it was so incredibly long and I can't get into my wattpad account anymore so it's gone forever so i can't even reread it and laugh at how badly written it was
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fatedroses · 26 days ago
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More than just the Demon.
#ffxiv#digital art#zenos yae galvus#venat#endwalker spoilers#will forever be fascinated with this man#look guys look- the literal embodiment of wol's wings of hope LOL (and me going hehe about that and footfalls)#the part of me that adores digging into the nuance of character writing (intentional or otherwise) is just latched onto zenos#and venat-- they cant just give us two characters who get really important 1v1 duels#and ask really important questions#and love the MC and are willing to risk themselves so unconditionally#and have them not live rent free in my brain#--and maybe this tiptoes into the realm of crack theory so beware there will be a lot past here--#but I cant help but think zenos is akin to an oracle or warrior of light but was tempered/corrupted by zodiark#or some strange happenstance of varis (who shares visual traits to golbez before 6.0 ever came out and the dark mana burst)#and carosa (who it seems zenos got his looks from- and he already looks like he has ties to venat and argos like minfillia does)#was he a result of the eternal chess match between the two parties' machinations? or just some strange twist of fate?#another day of him being “emet's successful experiment” (again- intentional or no) making me thonk#theres something so strange about the final days dreams and how dark aspected he is- that his void abilities are more tied to him tbh#yet his mannerisms beyond just what he's been through almost reminds me of light corruption and the uncanny calmness#we see in most beings associated with the light in any significant way and like second phase eden shiva#he almost has all the marks of someone who shouldve already had the echo or blessing of light but for one reason or another#was unable to hear hydaelyns call#of course it doesnt help i mentally associate him with connections to zero and how she was corrupted before she was even born#and durante- who states uncanny ability and connection with light and darkness and yet favors dark magic more#i simply live with the idea that zenos' soul was an eternally faithful companion to wol's and#this time the cardinal sin of separating the pair finally happened to rather dire consequences lmao
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innerxsanctum · 2 months ago
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Happy birthday to the reason I became a Pethead in the first place. There aren't enough words to express everything you mean to me, so I won't even try. But you've changed my life in ways I never thought possible. Thank you for being unapologetically yourself, and most of all, for being the driving force behind Pet Shop Boys.
“Writing new stuff and doing new projects and everything is really what I live for.”
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puppyeared · 9 months ago
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the shyest creature on earth dreams of art streaming
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thats-a-lot-of-cortisol · 6 months ago
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I've been thinking about Corentin pre-tadpole...dude meets one (1) guy who wouldn't jump at the chance to stab them and immediately falls hard
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moeblob · 6 days ago
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"Him? Oh, you know, he's kind of a loser." - probably everyone except for his younger brother.
Germaine is based on the layer of hell (Dante's Inferno) for material wealth before self, others, and god. So basically very materialistic and possessive of his belongings. Unfortunately, his younger brother qualifies as a belonging in his mind. So he does his absolute best to keep his brother safe and sound and scratch free - which is a bit tough in a post apocalyptic setting but he mostly manages.
Also a fact I just like to mention: he is incapable of lying.
#my characters#germaine wellington#welp guess who watched an anime recently (its not complete) and the dad of the mc made em think of a loserman big brother oc#its me! correct! the dad just reminded me a bit of germaine and i blame appearances mostly but also the dad was kind of a loser (i love him#and germaine does practically raise tremaine which further messes up their absolutely awful codependency#like yeah both brothers would kill for many reasons (survival and resources mainly) but !#if tremaine lost germaine hed probably cry and become incapable of moving on and eventually just dying w no reason to live#but if germaine lost tremaine hed go insane cause no no no thats HIS brother and hed start blaming everyone#and lose all rationale and logic while hes actually one of the most logic based in the group#hes a loser but dont let him lose things or he loses it more#but when hes really mad at tremaine for whatever reason his best friend is like uh huh what are you gonna do about it#and germaine is like........... we both know i will sigh and accept it and probably pat him on the head next i see him#which is incredibly honest and exactly what he does because yeah hes mad but even mad he cannot say#im gonna slap some sense into him because thats a lie he wouldn't hurt his brother#everyone in their group knows he cant lie so when he gets hesitant after being asked something they just know#hes trying to plot the best way to skirt the answer bc its apparently Not Good#he looks angry and annoyed often but its just resting bitch face#he lights up when he sees tremaine and he lightens up a little with his best friend#like lil smiles for his bestie and brother but when talking ABOUT his brother? he lights up and beams because hes so proud#of the coolest and smartest thing in his life (his brother)
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pepperpixel · 27 days ago
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I haven’t posted art in forever, (I am currently working on art tho!! It’s just taking me a bit cuz.. job..) but! But… what about if instead of the art u guys came here for. I instead posted pictures of the cool lil outfits I’ve been wearing recently that im rlly proud of… what about that???
#part of the issue w art is also for some reason. FOR REAL. the default shit I want to draw is just ME. IN MY VARIOUS CUTE LIL OUTFITS#I’ve become a narcissist… a fashion obsessed narcissist.. i just want everyone to see and admire my cool fits…#I struggle. so much more drawing shit that is not me nowadays. and I have so much less free time#but then I don’t FINISH the pics of me cuz I’m like ‘this is too self indulgent!!! stop!! draw fanart!!#like a normal person!!! ghgh-‘#ur rlly gonna come back from an art hiatus w just a bunch of silly pics of u being cute… get a fucking grip..#uhhh.. but anyway lol#I am still drawing. I’m currently working on some expiremental lineless digital art#cuz I felt shaking stuff up might help#we shall see if I finish it tho!#it me#pepper words#anyway look at my fits#my one. 2 curses r in bad at taking pictures#and I live in a dingy basement so the lighting fucking SUCKS#u cannot see all the detail…. u cannot make out All of my lil accessories#it’s sad…#all these outfits r very black and white i do in fact wear colors… mostly red. n green#but I am rlly In my aristocratic vampire / witch era right now… and I’m loving it…#middle 2 pics r the same outfit. just w and without cloak lol#also pls do me a kindness and ignore my messy ass room#lady outfit is actually my most recent and my room HAS gotten less messy! I cleaned it up!#but it’s still kinda. got some clutter lol#*last outfit. not lady outfit ghghg- these r gender neutral femme leaning outfits I’ll have u kno typo!!#also pls ignore the shit on my mirror!! the lil white speckles and stuff! I rlly gotta fucking clean that.. if I wanna keep taking cute#pictures of my outfits lol… I mean. it’s not MY mirror so I don’t think to clean it.. but it is in my living space…#mayhaps… I should clean it lol
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bl-bam-beyond · 2 months ago
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A LOOK BACK at Jong Chan & Seung Hyun
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THE NEW EMPLOYEE (2022-2023, SOUTH KOREA)
An absolutely beautiful story of a intern quite pass his college days that falls in love with his workaholic boss. A boss that becomes a new and better man because of this intern that stole his heart.
When the intern loses his job, the boss takes it quite personally confronting the CEO and ultimately quitting his job to began a startup with the former intern as his first hire.
Kim Jong Chan (KWON HYUK) was initially cold towards Seung Hyun (MOON JI YONG) but once his heart softened it was permanent and irreversible. Kim Jong Chan made so many changes simply because his love for a man that wanted to understand him and his passion for his work.
And that small bit of understanding made work less important and the man more important bringing a beautiful balance to both of them.
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swordheld · 1 year ago
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛
#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3#i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai#after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where#it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.
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herunswithscissors · 10 months ago
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I'm the wife in my marriage.
It's funny to me anyway. Funny to me because my wife is the very picture of femininity, loving, caring, sexy, pretty, beautiful wife, loving and adored by all her children. And a satisfied and hot for her husband.
But to me she is beautiful and terrible as the Dawn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love her and despair!
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And yet she chose me.
So to all the hella ladies who rejected my advances? Y'all missed out. Because she saw in me what way too many people couldn't. And sometimes still can't.
And she wants to run my life. And the lives of our whole family. And we all kinda love it. Mostly. But it ain't worth the headache or heartache of fighting her on anything. She's Daddy's little princess and her mother is the loving matron and queen bitch of the family and we all stay in line. Mostly. I love to do my own thing too much for my own good. But it keeps our fights about stupid stuff instead of my weed use again.
(I'm dead ass functional and present from 6am on till I finally get my insomniac ass too sleep while high just to escape the constant anxiety about my sick daughter's upcoming surgery, my dying suegro, my mourning wife, disturbed autistic son, special needs princess Daddy's girl I'm spoiling her to death to make her just as powerful and ungovernable mother and it's working too well already. Have you ever negotiated with a hostile bitchy entitled as fuck child? )
Anyway, you wouldn't know it looking at me or talking normal chitchat, but I'm pretty fucking manly. In the way my culture defines manliness. I'm not very masculine. But I'm very manly.
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I'm feminine as fuck in my household. I mother the kids, help their emotional development, work on my wife's emotional and mental well-being, and I'm the one never in the mood for sex. And I do every single thing she says. And then she does the discipline and management of the family's affairs. And she's the one who has to seduce me. Did I mention she was sexy as fuck? (While I'm awkward as fuck every time we even roleplay.) And a horny Latina. (That's why these horny sexy, nice, Latinos are taking over. It's natural selection. The Whites just can't compete and as usual are getting their panties in a twist over not being able to compete even with everything in their favor to out reproduce them all but it was too many kids for a nuclear family to handle Whites.) So beautiful hot queen sexy as fuck Latina seduces me every night. #blessed. So fuck yeah I don't wanna fuck up this arrangement. So I do everything she tells me to and treat her real good and let her win every argument and over apologize. Except when I make a rare exception to make a stand in something important or just to make some trouble and have some fun.
Oh yeah. She's a clean freak 😮‍💨 But she's an impatient Latina housewife perfectionist clean freak. So she gets mad at my perfectly good job when company isn't ever coming job and tells me to stop even trying to clean. Go play Minecraft with your daughter to keep her occupied.🤣
I have the best living situation ever. I'll be your bitch my bitchy highness. Just please keep playing with my hair on your lap. Oh, and that sucking my dick the way you do and being right 95% of the time on judgement calls.
So yeah I'm the wife.
And I got a pretty good life.
#and know you know the rest of the story#when i was s younger man i had a good paying job at a factory plant as a temp worker#i liked this job#and it was easy clean indoor temp controlled light labor with a jovial#kindly and generally loving crowd of people all just trying to earn a living in this shit economy#and care for each get along with each other#it was a really nice atmosphere. there was only a little manager taking advantage of a woman's situation to force a relationship.#but she was petty please about the whole arrangement because she was lonely and he was kind and likable and#good looking younger guy#and it made her job impossible to get the boot#even as it got easier to boot#anyways i worked my ass off and just tried to get along with the boss#and it paid great#We could have been poor and happy working jobs like that for life if i really had to got some reason#but anyways this bossman manager sees me sweeping my ass off a clean floor and instead of telling me to go lean on a post for a bit#tells me I'm doing a good job#and that I'll make a someone s fine wife someday#i wanted to slap that smug mother fucker up there head w my broom. But i was laughing to hard at that fuckers joke because i liked the guy.#and i liked my job#anyway#here i am being a good little wife#and I'm living the life of Reilly doing it#i don't know the etymology of that phrase is. only my Dad says it in my experience#it might be good own little creation.#you're welcome#And the mother fucker just let me keep sweeping my dumbass all over a clean floor!#Union strong
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thatskyvenya · 7 months ago
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shout out to saffy, my best sky friend since forever 🫶
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elkkiel · 23 days ago
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i'm really happy!! i scrolled back on some of my kitty token and like. i'm officially at the point where I'm cringing at my art from a few months ago again!! that might sound sarcastic but i'm 100% serious. stagnating or even losing skill from being burnt out and depressed feels fucking awful. and like without art I genuinely have no fucking clue how to keep on going. but i think i'm getting healthier to the point where i'm finally improving again with little baby steps. so slowly getting those skills back feels unbelievably good
i'm just :') haven't felt hope like this in years, like since i finally found the right mix of meds and didn't want to kill myself every single day lol. life is feeling fucking worth it again baby. nothing to say fuck it to, we are just straight up balling B)
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icewindandboringhorror · 23 days ago
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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majorasnightmare · 16 days ago
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thinking about isobel and ketheric, and my durge and ketheric, and isobel and my durge
like ketheric whos entire personality is centered around being a failed father, dirge who lives solely and exclusively for a father who does not love him, isobel being horribly violated for the sake of fatherly love in the name of a person shell never be again like excuse me this trio of people makes me go insane
ketheric and dirge like!! zealot recognizes zealot, ketheric knows what its like to be devoted wholeheartedly to a god who will discard you and thats explicitly why he has a businesslike relationship with myrkul, who KNOWSSS ketherics heart isnt in it but doesnt care, ketheric who never fully believed in the absolute plan but carried it out nonetheless, ketheric who nonsensically traded the death of the world for his daughters life, who in reality most likely traded his afterlife for isobels life, knowingly condemning himself to never see melodia again, to an eternity of torture at myrkuls hands, just so isobel can breathe again. dirge knowing with perfect clarity his own father would never do that for him. ketheric knowing that kind of hopeless devotion and willful blind ignorance leads to a kind of iron will that makes dirge genuinely dangerous but pitying the poor fool nonetheless because despite dirges clear intelligence and skill, despite his overwhelmingly obvious power, hes shackled to a self destructive idiot whod bite off his own arm just to spite the world who couldnt give a single fuck about dirges mental state or how that affects achieving bhaals OWN goals and fulfilling his OWN desires, because ketheric understands perfectly well a god will be stupid and selfish first and reasonable and measured second. dirge hating ketheric not just for being a wishywashy traitor who cant settle on something to be devoted to, but because ketheric has the shit figured out. its a zero sum game. theres no winning, only different types of losers, and embracing that truth means acknowledging his entire life has been a pointless self destructive waste that will never give him the satisfaction and actualization dirge craves, so its easier and more stable to just interpret ketheric as a coward. except hes going to kill himself for isobel. going to go through hell for her. theres a level of devotion and love and care there that dirge has only experienced once in his life and the memory of it is enough to drive him to madness, but despite it all ketheric IS competent. is level and measured and powerful and capable of looking past his own self interest to the far horizon of victory, is tactical and clever and willing to wade into the fray. so dirge hates, and admires, and envies, and pities, and reflexively seeks out and avoids ketheric in equal measure. wants to carve him up until he finally breaks, screaming for a god that wont hear him as just rewards for his insolence (because dirges loyalty will SURELY be rewarded, loyalty to his god and to his father, certainly), cant stand the idea of working alongside anyone else, hates being around him but hates doing things without him, falling into old habits of depravity just to get away from the cacophany of emotion and the introspection it tries to trigger.
and then ketheric is doing all of this for someone who doesnt really exist. the isobel he wants to revive isnt real. its a version of her thats stripped hollow of the things that make her, HER. he wants an isobel that doesnt love aylin, he wants an isobel that is content to remain in place and be protected by him, where he was the center of her world. he wants an isobel that hasnt existed for over a century. he wants an isobel like he remembers thinking of the days before melodia died. its why despite everything he gives up for her, if ketheric gets his hands on isobel he tadpoles her. the tadpoles are just a convenient tool for cutting away the unnecessary parts of a person, things they dont need and wont want afterwards. isobel mourns the father she had after her mother died, but ketheric wants the isobel she used to be when melodia was still present in their lives. the isobel after melodia died eventually left him for aylin. grew up and became a person outside of their small family and community. had interests and desires and goals that took her away from him. she doesnt need aylin, doesnt need anything besides family. thats whats important, thats whats worth ruining lives over. everything after isobel was just a failed copy, not even worth reminiscing over. everyone beyond isobel doesnt matter. desecrate the family tomb, abuse your son, drag your aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters out from the grave just to see if it works, if it sticks, because the whole world revolves around a little girl who stopped existing long before she died, because she became someone else someone new and left you floundering alone. youll get them back even if it means you burn in hell forever, those few precious moments are worth it, itll all be worth it, its already worth it. kill yourself kill the world because the only god worth dying for is the one found in between poorly scratched letters on a paper rotting from age that say "love you papa, -I T". live every day with the smoke and the rot knowing that your father loved you so much he cant even look at who you are now. live every day knowing its a gift you cant return to a man who doesnt see you, knowing that all youll ever have are ghosts that seek to hollow you out and play pretend with the shell. hes awful. hes horrible. hes a monster. hes your dad and he loves you so much its killing you. will kill you. has killed you. has killed everything you could ever want in your life. hes your dad. he read you stories when you were small. kept you from falling apart when your mother died. your rock in stormy seas. he wants to read you another story. its dark outside. its scary. this story has a happy ending. its just for you. the girl in the picture book has your name but doesnt look like you at all. its written in silver blood. theres an ache that wont leave, a rot that refuses to mend, a scar that wont close, and its all for love
thinking about dirge being the one to drag isobel from her coffin, to bring her back for the sake of sealing a pact that will end the world, going against his entire religion the whole reason for his existence just for the sake of fulfilling his own fathers dreams. children living at the behest of their parents, denied death for their fathers selfish whims. isobel autopsied and opened, layers peeled back. gortash and ketheric never exhumed a body, never prepared it for the grave, never made such an intimate study of death. gortash unwilling to bloody himself unnecessarily, ketheric unwilling to look past the deathmask to see isobels interior, so its dirge, it has to be him, the only one willing to bite down his own desires for the greater good. an unforgivable violation of autonomy, but the only one who thinks of it as such is the scion of the murder god. she cant consent. she cant choose to be apart of this, to sacrifice herself for a cause greater than herself. he has to inflict this upon her. life is suffering and madness and delusion. death is peace, and he is the holy vessel of transition from one state to the other. this? this is blasphemy. she has already fled this horrid blighted world for a better one, and here he is participating in blasphemous ritual. its for the sake of their plan, its for the sake of enacting his fathers dreams (as all children know, you are naught but a vessel to achieve the goals they could not in their time), but she cannot even take glory in the knowledge of her sacrifice, cannot even know she is a sacrifice until its too late to go back. carves open and peels back the picturesque skin, preserved by gloom and arid darkness and sealed stone to keep away the rot. peeling away the mask of Isobel Thorm to see the visceral rotting insides of a person ketheric cant stand to see.
clearing away the ruin and decay so something new can take its place. corpses are objects fled of souls, no longer a person, no longer anything and thus free to toy and play with as boredom and curiosity desires, but this is not a thing. this will again be a person, a vessel to trap someone inside of, to force them to suffer and persist and delude and live and he cant even ask if shell do it. do it to help him break the world and put an end to this madness forever. cant convince her of the rightousness of it, the necessity of it, cant help but use her for it. to gortash she is a token exchanged for power, to ketheric she is a snapshot of a better world he wants to go back to, but only here on this dirty bloodstained table with a bhaalspawn elbow deep in her organs is she a person, whos autonomy and personhood is being irrevocably violated. his nature is to free them of these shackles, to snip the cords and revel in the ensuing destruction, and here he is binding her again. the humiliation, the horror, of being set loose from this hellscape only to be brought back. to be dragged, kicking and screaming, back into living. to be subject to such awful blasphemy. here in the dark and the quiet where there is no voice to speak back to him, when there is no rushing blood or beating hearts to call forth his purpose, there and then does armageddons prophet desire forgiveness, only in this shadowed purgatory can someone truly see. when all the world lies dead at my feet, i will beg forgiveness from no one but you. lamb on the altar, holy blood, if such desecration was not necessary for the cleansing of suffering, i would never deign to subject you to it. to you alone do i tender my apologies, my blessed father may forgive this sin in light of the retribution it will call forth, but cruel fate has chosen you without your knowledge to bear this disgusting violation, and the only salve i can offer is that, gods willing, you will not suffer long. to live in a world that could give rise to something like me is a torture i would not wish upon anyone, and for the sake of my father i inflict it upon you nonetheless. when you rise, my only thoughts will be of murder, holy and pure. but here in the dark, when you are at peace and i am not, i think of you, and what youd want, and how no one would ever, COULD ever, ask for what i do to you here. here in the quiet i breathlessly whisper a prayer meant only for your ears, a second sin i cannot stop myself from committing, here where you cannot hear me but God surely can, a wish that i will surely pay for dearly, a punishment i endure willingly and without complaint, a smallest fraction of the torment i knowingly inflict upon you. i live, and soon so shall you, and for that, i will never know peace.
im so sorry. i did it for love
#bg3 durge#bg3#bg3 dark urge#bg3 isobel#bg3 ketheric#ketheric thorm#isobel thorm#dirgecore#dirgeposting#like just for the record this is my particular durge but AUGHHHHHHH#dirge being the only person who routinely and regularly thinks about isobel as a person instead of as a symbol#dirge who consistently chooses her at every crossroads even when it hurts him#isobel who gets a second chance at life twice over because of him#dirge sacrificing his religious beliefs (literally the ONLY thing he lives for) to participate in bringing isobel back#dirge fighting off the urge (which makes him attack his loved ones!!!) because he refuses to hurt her#dirge making an enemy of shar because he wont let shadowheart become a gods pawn and he wont sacrifice aylin for the conditional love of go#isobel who didnt want to die. didnt know how to live after reviving. getting her life AND a reason to live back because of dirge#who lost everything because of the domino effects of those choices#who got his own second chance because of those choices#like it really is just that quiet moment where neither of them can talk to the other#because shes dead and he isnt#and then they BOTH get new lives free of their fathers because of it#LIKE AUGHHHHHHH IM SO FUCKING NORMALLLL#ITS SEEING EACH OTHER WHEN NO ONE ELSE WILL!!!#in that silent tomb. ''your a person. i see you even if your father doesnt''.#and then AGAIN back to him in last light!!! ''your a person. i see you even if your father doesnt'' LIKE!!!!#ARE YOU PEOPLE SEEING THIS!!!!
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beanghostprincess · 9 months ago
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Spoilers Op. 1107
(Having an Usopp stan moment, I apologize)
I AM FUCKING SCREAMING I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER LOOK AT HIM I AM VISIBLY SHAKING OH LORD FUCKING FINALLY
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I am losing it here you guys
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Elbaf mention Elbaf mention I can't wait for Egghead to finish I want Elbaf right the fuck now Oda give it to me I am slowly going insane
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acourtofquestions · 1 month ago
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“She had no magic to wield, save for the keen eyes of the goddess at her shoulder and an uncanny ability to remain unnoticed, to play into expectations.”
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#Elorcan#no spoilers please first read to read along with me#more notes quotes annotations & reacts in the tags spoilers for the chapter & book in post & tags of course pt 2 of 4 perspectives#Lorcan had never felt the weight of the hours so heavily upon him-I FEEL IT 2poor Rowan must feel this 247HURRY where’s Elide?hold on Aelin!#And to send Elide into Maeve's clutches--it had taken all of his will to let her walk away.😭#If Elide was captured if she was found out he wouldn't hear of it know of it. — you’d know cause she’s your mate idiot (I love you idiot#without proving their worth they could still visit--briefly. — ugh Maeve why does everything about you suck so much#If she emerged. — COME ON ELIDE — I CANT HANDLE ANOTHER CAIRN-NAPPING#the Prince of the North and the Lion the protector and the ever impatient in love idiot we all love Lorcan#He knew some of them. Had commanded them. Were they now his enemy? — they are all having some inner morality battles#What manner of birds? Raptors mostly — none from the House of Whitethorn — they fought for him on the other borders… for her🥹���them#why so many guards if no Aelin hmm???? SHES HERE GUYS#though Gavriel kept glancing to the tattoos inked on his hands. How many more lives would he need to add before they were through?#Aelin had been trained to endure torture. Elide... He could see those scars on her from the shackles. — how about we save them both?😭🖤#She had endured too much suffering and terror already. He couldn't allow her to face another heartbeat of it--#Rowan and his random hatchet now😅😂 it’s giving my wife is gone unhinged in the woods with the bros might become a horror movie vibes#But then a two-note whistle echoed and Lorcan's legs wobbled so violently he sat back onto the rock where he'd been perched-OH MY ELORCAN😭🖤#also Lorcan… perched??? isn’t that bird boy Rowan’s thing?😅😂🤣#her cheeks rosy in the cool night air. — cheeks pink in the twinkling lights tell me bout the first time you saw me (shipping in insanity)#She was fine. She was unhurt. There was no enemy on her tail. Elide's eyes met his. Wary and uncertain. I met someone.#THANK GOD — but also wait WHAT-when?WHO?HOW?#also this quote posted is like one of the reasons I love Elide#another grand Maasverse enterance is on its way?#the fact the opening line shows that being sold out to Maeve is the same as death — OH GET TO AELIN ALREADY PLEASE#no more tattoos guys — what’s with Maeve’s wolves — isn’t dark haired beauty what Elide called the girl in the caravan so maybe it’s her
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