#my love my light my reason to live
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thinking so hard about the very shitty au i wrote when i was on wattpad where Lucy (fairy tail) met the guild as a kid but they had their memories wiped at the end of it and didn't remember her, so when she finally meets natsu again SHE remembers them but they don't remember her. also she was their enemy when they first met and when she ran away from her father it was because he tried to create one of the time travel gates but he had to sacrifice a celestial wizard to even try and get it operating. i think she had two older siblings in this au too? anyway i never posted it but it was so incredibly long and I can't get into my wattpad account anymore so it's gone forever so i can't even reread it and laugh at how badly written it was
#i wrote it in middle school#i think 6th grade?#i was obsessed with Lucy and wanted her to have more backstory#nowadays I wouldn't go so drastic but i would like to write a fic that delves more into her life#and like. base it around the era that her story was inspired by#thinking about how lucy definitely taught herself to forget all etiquette rules she knew so she could fit in more#she deserved to have some more moments about her own life#cause she relationship with her father makes me SOB#like what do you mean he dedicated the rest of his life to waiting for her to come home and he never doubted she would#ON HER BIRTHDAY. THEY CAME BACK FROM THE ISLAND ON HER BIRTHDAY.#erinwantstowrite#fanfic#fairy tail#lucy heartfilia#my love my light my reason to live#she's my favorite ever#like literally#i adore her more than words can explain
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More than just the Demon.
#ffxiv#digital art#zenos yae galvus#venat#endwalker spoilers#will forever be fascinated with this man#look guys look- the literal embodiment of wol's wings of hope LOL (and me going hehe about that and footfalls)#the part of me that adores digging into the nuance of character writing (intentional or otherwise) is just latched onto zenos#and venat-- they cant just give us two characters who get really important 1v1 duels#and ask really important questions#and love the MC and are willing to risk themselves so unconditionally#and have them not live rent free in my brain#--and maybe this tiptoes into the realm of crack theory so beware there will be a lot past here--#but I cant help but think zenos is akin to an oracle or warrior of light but was tempered/corrupted by zodiark#or some strange happenstance of varis (who shares visual traits to golbez before 6.0 ever came out and the dark mana burst)#and carosa (who it seems zenos got his looks from- and he already looks like he has ties to venat and argos like minfillia does)#was he a result of the eternal chess match between the two parties' machinations? or just some strange twist of fate?#another day of him being “emet's successful experiment” (again- intentional or no) making me thonk#theres something so strange about the final days dreams and how dark aspected he is- that his void abilities are more tied to him tbh#yet his mannerisms beyond just what he's been through almost reminds me of light corruption and the uncanny calmness#we see in most beings associated with the light in any significant way and like second phase eden shiva#he almost has all the marks of someone who shouldve already had the echo or blessing of light but for one reason or another#was unable to hear hydaelyns call#of course it doesnt help i mentally associate him with connections to zero and how she was corrupted before she was even born#and durante- who states uncanny ability and connection with light and darkness and yet favors dark magic more#i simply live with the idea that zenos' soul was an eternally faithful companion to wol's and#this time the cardinal sin of separating the pair finally happened to rather dire consequences lmao
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Happy birthday to the reason I became a Pethead in the first place. There aren't enough words to express everything you mean to me, so I won't even try. But you've changed my life in ways I never thought possible. Thank you for being unapologetically yourself, and most of all, for being the driving force behind Pet Shop Boys.
“Writing new stuff and doing new projects and everything is really what I live for.”
#pet shop boys#psb#chris lowe#pethead#gifset#edit#synthpop#i cried twice while making this gifset bc i love this man so much#when i came out as trans almost nine years ago i was so confused and wanted to give up bc it seemed like life wasn't going to get easier#psb came into my life at the perfect time literally saving me and this man is the reason why#since then i've learned so much from him and if i feel comfortable in my own skin is because i saw him being himself since day one#he doesn't try to be someone he's not and he's always making a path for himself while living to the fullest#i could talk about why i love him all day fr and everyone that knows me personally can vouch for that but this is enough for today#we don't deserve chris but i'm glad that the universe was kind enough to lend him to us and to let us enjoy his talent and light#i just really really love him
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the shyest creature on earth dreams of art streaming
#i know it sounds like im giving every reason why i SHOULDNT do it but i really wanna learn how to someday#i dont really have the space or privacy for it rn though since i live at home with 3 other ppl plus i have school to focus on ugh#ive been able to stream my art in discord calls but i havent done it in so long and the atmosphere is a little different#not bad different though. its fun to draw ppls conversations out and make shitposts. and i like any kind of attention heh#i also use procreate so its hard to stream frm my ipad but im looking into a lighting adapter to HDMI cable to project on my monitor#part of my urge to start a twitch might also be because i wanna learn how to make and rig a little avatar and use cute frames#and id love to play some ambience music while i draw and just. idk. listen to ppl talk..? but im lacking in audience engagement#since i suck at responding and public speaking and prefer to do things quietly. i just like being observed like im on national geographic#yapping#doodles#sona#puppysona#my art#myart
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I've been thinking about Corentin pre-tadpole...dude meets one (1) guy who wouldn't jump at the chance to stab them and immediately falls hard
#i think they were drawn to gortash's sincerity (which was part of why they fell for wyll too)#and comparative to everyone else they were interacting with at the time?#yeah the tyrant who legitimately believes in his cause seems like a fucking saint#when you live with serial killers who want to Kill The Entire World#esp because Tin's reason for doing the Absolute plot was ultimately to try and escape#and i think being around gortash kept them clearer-headed than they usually were#im so glad the lighting in the last frame worked out i love it sm#bg3#bg3 art#bg3 durge#corentin#the prodigal saer#bg3 tav#enver gortash#durgetash#bg3 fanart#baldurs gate 3#my art#my post#digital art#digital artist#sketch#digital sketch#i have a couple other ideas too i just need to figure out what their fashion sense was like pre-tadpole#(spoiler alert: it wasnt great)
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I haven’t posted art in forever, (I am currently working on art tho!! It’s just taking me a bit cuz.. job..) but! But… what about if instead of the art u guys came here for. I instead posted pictures of the cool lil outfits I’ve been wearing recently that im rlly proud of… what about that???
#part of the issue w art is also for some reason. FOR REAL. the default shit I want to draw is just ME. IN MY VARIOUS CUTE LIL OUTFITS#I’ve become a narcissist… a fashion obsessed narcissist.. i just want everyone to see and admire my cool fits…#I struggle. so much more drawing shit that is not me nowadays. and I have so much less free time#but then I don’t FINISH the pics of me cuz I’m like ‘this is too self indulgent!!! stop!! draw fanart!!#like a normal person!!! ghgh-‘#ur rlly gonna come back from an art hiatus w just a bunch of silly pics of u being cute… get a fucking grip..#uhhh.. but anyway lol#I am still drawing. I’m currently working on some expiremental lineless digital art#cuz I felt shaking stuff up might help#we shall see if I finish it tho!#it me#pepper words#anyway look at my fits#my one. 2 curses r in bad at taking pictures#and I live in a dingy basement so the lighting fucking SUCKS#u cannot see all the detail…. u cannot make out All of my lil accessories#it’s sad…#all these outfits r very black and white i do in fact wear colors… mostly red. n green#but I am rlly In my aristocratic vampire / witch era right now… and I’m loving it…#middle 2 pics r the same outfit. just w and without cloak lol#also pls do me a kindness and ignore my messy ass room#lady outfit is actually my most recent and my room HAS gotten less messy! I cleaned it up!#but it’s still kinda. got some clutter lol#*last outfit. not lady outfit ghghg- these r gender neutral femme leaning outfits I’ll have u kno typo!!#also pls ignore the shit on my mirror!! the lil white speckles and stuff! I rlly gotta fucking clean that.. if I wanna keep taking cute#pictures of my outfits lol… I mean. it’s not MY mirror so I don’t think to clean it.. but it is in my living space…#mayhaps… I should clean it lol
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛
#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3#i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai#after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where#it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.
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A LOOK BACK at Jong Chan & Seung Hyun
THE NEW EMPLOYEE (2022-2023, SOUTH KOREA)
An absolutely beautiful story of a intern quite pass his college days that falls in love with his workaholic boss. A boss that becomes a new and better man because of this intern that stole his heart.
When the intern loses his job, the boss takes it quite personally confronting the CEO and ultimately quitting his job to began a startup with the former intern as his first hire.
Kim Jong Chan (KWON HYUK) was initially cold towards Seung Hyun (MOON JI YONG) but once his heart softened it was permanent and irreversible. Kim Jong Chan made so many changes simply because his love for a man that wanted to understand him and his passion for his work.
And that small bit of understanding made work less important and the man more important bringing a beautiful balance to both of them.
#A LOOK BACK#SOUTH KOREAN BL SERIES#THE NEW EMPLOYEE#I AM IN A BL SLUMP#I DO NOT LIKE MOST OF 2024 BL'S#EITHER I CAN'T WATCH#DON'T WANT TO WATCH#HATE THE STUDIO (I HAVE MY REASONS)#HATE THE ACTOR(S) ... AGAIN I HAVE MY REASONS#TAKING A STEP BACK TO FORMER BL'S I LOVED#ESPECIALLY KBL'S#OUR DATING SIM#SEMANTIC ERROR#LIGHT ON ME#CHERRY BLOSSOMS AFTER WINTER#MR. HEART#WHERE YOUR EYES LINGER (DIRECTORS CUT)#WHY RU? KOREAN VERSION#TO MY STAR 1 AND 2#JAPAN: OUR DINING TABLE#KIETA HATSUKOI#CHERRY MAGIC ANIME AND LIVE ACTION (JAPAN ONLY)#THAILAND'S LOVE IN TRANSLATION#CENTURY OF LOVE#REALLY ENJOYED REWATCHING THE NEW EMPLOYEE#BL-BAM-BEYOND FAMILY OF BLOGS#My GIFS#MYGIFSET#MY-GIF-EDIT
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I'm the wife in my marriage.
It's funny to me anyway. Funny to me because my wife is the very picture of femininity, loving, caring, sexy, pretty, beautiful wife, loving and adored by all her children. And a satisfied and hot for her husband.
But to me she is beautiful and terrible as the Dawn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love her and despair!
And yet she chose me.
So to all the hella ladies who rejected my advances? Y'all missed out. Because she saw in me what way too many people couldn't. And sometimes still can't.
And she wants to run my life. And the lives of our whole family. And we all kinda love it. Mostly. But it ain't worth the headache or heartache of fighting her on anything. She's Daddy's little princess and her mother is the loving matron and queen bitch of the family and we all stay in line. Mostly. I love to do my own thing too much for my own good. But it keeps our fights about stupid stuff instead of my weed use again.
(I'm dead ass functional and present from 6am on till I finally get my insomniac ass too sleep while high just to escape the constant anxiety about my sick daughter's upcoming surgery, my dying suegro, my mourning wife, disturbed autistic son, special needs princess Daddy's girl I'm spoiling her to death to make her just as powerful and ungovernable mother and it's working too well already. Have you ever negotiated with a hostile bitchy entitled as fuck child? )
Anyway, you wouldn't know it looking at me or talking normal chitchat, but I'm pretty fucking manly. In the way my culture defines manliness. I'm not very masculine. But I'm very manly.
I'm feminine as fuck in my household. I mother the kids, help their emotional development, work on my wife's emotional and mental well-being, and I'm the one never in the mood for sex. And I do every single thing she says. And then she does the discipline and management of the family's affairs. And she's the one who has to seduce me. Did I mention she was sexy as fuck? (While I'm awkward as fuck every time we even roleplay.) And a horny Latina. (That's why these horny sexy, nice, Latinos are taking over. It's natural selection. The Whites just can't compete and as usual are getting their panties in a twist over not being able to compete even with everything in their favor to out reproduce them all but it was too many kids for a nuclear family to handle Whites.) So beautiful hot queen sexy as fuck Latina seduces me every night. #blessed. So fuck yeah I don't wanna fuck up this arrangement. So I do everything she tells me to and treat her real good and let her win every argument and over apologize. Except when I make a rare exception to make a stand in something important or just to make some trouble and have some fun.
Oh yeah. She's a clean freak 😮💨 But she's an impatient Latina housewife perfectionist clean freak. So she gets mad at my perfectly good job when company isn't ever coming job and tells me to stop even trying to clean. Go play Minecraft with your daughter to keep her occupied.🤣
I have the best living situation ever. I'll be your bitch my bitchy highness. Just please keep playing with my hair on your lap. Oh, and that sucking my dick the way you do and being right 95% of the time on judgement calls.
So yeah I'm the wife.
And I got a pretty good life.
#and know you know the rest of the story#when i was s younger man i had a good paying job at a factory plant as a temp worker#i liked this job#and it was easy clean indoor temp controlled light labor with a jovial#kindly and generally loving crowd of people all just trying to earn a living in this shit economy#and care for each get along with each other#it was a really nice atmosphere. there was only a little manager taking advantage of a woman's situation to force a relationship.#but she was petty please about the whole arrangement because she was lonely and he was kind and likable and#good looking younger guy#and it made her job impossible to get the boot#even as it got easier to boot#anyways i worked my ass off and just tried to get along with the boss#and it paid great#We could have been poor and happy working jobs like that for life if i really had to got some reason#but anyways this bossman manager sees me sweeping my ass off a clean floor and instead of telling me to go lean on a post for a bit#tells me I'm doing a good job#and that I'll make a someone s fine wife someday#i wanted to slap that smug mother fucker up there head w my broom. But i was laughing to hard at that fuckers joke because i liked the guy.#and i liked my job#anyway#here i am being a good little wife#and I'm living the life of Reilly doing it#i don't know the etymology of that phrase is. only my Dad says it in my experience#it might be good own little creation.#you're welcome#And the mother fucker just let me keep sweeping my dumbass all over a clean floor!#Union strong
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shout out to saffy, my best sky friend since forever 🫶
#sky children of the light#sky cotl#thatskygame#sky cotl screenshots#season of nesting#skyblr#sorry for being soppy#i just love my friends that’s all#especially saffy#she’s the reason i still play this game#we live on the opposite sides of the globe because god knew we’d be too powerful if we lived in the same country
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i'm really happy!! i scrolled back on some of my kitty token and like. i'm officially at the point where I'm cringing at my art from a few months ago again!! that might sound sarcastic but i'm 100% serious. stagnating or even losing skill from being burnt out and depressed feels fucking awful. and like without art I genuinely have no fucking clue how to keep on going. but i think i'm getting healthier to the point where i'm finally improving again with little baby steps. so slowly getting those skills back feels unbelievably good
i'm just :') haven't felt hope like this in years, like since i finally found the right mix of meds and didn't want to kill myself every single day lol. life is feeling fucking worth it again baby. nothing to say fuck it to, we are just straight up balling B)
#idk like. things **do** get better eventually and that's fucking wild every time#****and**** it gets better again even when you relapse. holy shit dude it feels like life is worth living or something#and im sorry if it seems like im bragging at all like “ooh look at me and my improving mental health + art skills”#sometimes you're hanging on by a fraying thread. other times you're able to reach out for a solid rope and harness#and right now i feel like i've been able to strap myself in to a safer place. so i wanna hang on for as long as i can#it's the little blips of light that keep me going yknow? like even when shit gets bad. i've felt the good and *know* it can happen again#idk i'll quit yapping srry im just grateful for the reasons to keep living instead of passively performing cellular respiration#it's also my birthday tomorrow (tomorrow for me. it's already the 30th for most of u)#so it's officially time for The Annual Contemplation of Life and Your Worthiness to Keep On Living lol#anyways goodnight gamers i love u :3 🩷#elkk.txt
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Spoilers Op. 1107
(Having an Usopp stan moment, I apologize)
I AM FUCKING SCREAMING I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER LOOK AT HIM I AM VISIBLY SHAKING OH LORD FUCKING FINALLY
I am losing it here you guys
Elbaf mention Elbaf mention I can't wait for Egghead to finish I want Elbaf right the fuck now Oda give it to me I am slowly going insane
#i love egghead so much however have you considered that elbaf#elbaf is my favorite arc <- it doesn't even exist yet#please i just want usopp to have some fucking recognition again pleasepleaseplease#i am so willing to beg for this i would pay real money please#i mean honestly with the amount of money i spend on this manga i deserve more usopp content#one piece#usopp#<- aka love of my life light of my days my whole reason for living#op 1107#one piece spoilers
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shoutout to people with dads who are part of Gen X who introduced them to the best music of their generation when their dads were kids in the 70s-80s (it's me i'm people) (i love my dad <3)
#also shoutout to my 80s mum who has the best taste in metal and rock ever <3#for fun here's a list of artists my dad introduced me to when i was young: queen. the beatles. electric light orchestra. the monkees. acdc.#-jeff wayne and his orchestra. led zepplin. pink floyd. toto. billy joel. europe. guns n roses. weird al. abba. beegees. tom jones.-#-david bowie. michael jackson. king crimson. roar.#my parents have such good music taste#also i love how my dad is mostly 70s 80s rock and stuff and then my mum is just like full on rob zombie#my music taste has basically been inherited from 3 places and 3 places only: my mum my dad and the internet#also fun fact: according to my dad i used to fall asleep to acdc when i was a small child#it was the song ''she's got the jack'' specifically#progressive rock makes me really relaxed to. i have probably been lulled to sleep by pink floyd many times as a tiny child#dude started my music taste young#my dad liking prog rock is probably the reason i like bands like yes and tangerine dream now#also 70s rock is just so. gender?????#maybe the reason 70s-80s music gives me so much gender euphoria is because it reminds me of my dad#anyway yeah shoutout to 70s-80s music#ALSO shoutout to the movies tommy and hairspray and little shop of horrors because my parents showed me them too!!#i really grew up as an 80s-90s kid with 70s music tastes living in the mid 2000s lmao
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Good morning, Carl. It's 10AM.
#dbh markus#markus rk200#detroit become human#dbh#AH markus my beloved#his little smile in the second gif gets me every timeeeee#such a small and lovely show of personality#and the lighting in carl's house is ✨✨✨#i need to rerecord these scenes at a higher res......#for reasons#misc: my gifs#markus#mavis’ adventures in gifmaking#LISTEN okay I resized these for tumblr specifically and somehow in post they STILL LOOK WONKY. what the HELL#or rather. WHAT THE HELLSITE#just let me live. i am using your stupid dimensions. let my gifs look pretty.
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marker practice ayumu
#love live#ayumu uehara#my art#myon's marker training arc#i think the light grey i have is running out of ink#it was a bit of a struggle#markers are scary#how do i graduate to colour when b/w is so comfy... LMAO#i was writing a lengthy blog post that featured all of my experimental ugly wips with explanations but then tumblr did an oopsie and#none of it saved and like; man.....#but i'm pretty happy with my progress!! the really early experiments were super ugly LMAO#once i feel comfortable with b/w ill probably toy with colours but its a bit conceptually foreign to me#cus there's only like#select colours#so you have limited colours to pick from? and to blend with?#and i dont really know how to mix pigments#aand on top of that im not sure what are the best ways to mix mediums (like if i wanted to do a colour wash#i can use water colour right??? is there an order??)#(like water colour is obviously water but copics are alcohol based so like does it matter what order one goes on the other??? AHHHH PANIC)#i have many questions... and for whatever reason started rambling in the tags#i like ayumu 😊#(im have a lot of tutorials to watch)
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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