#pixel man my love my light my reason for living

[macfrog]

hi max ☀️

after a few days spent in the sun and getting too much energy for my body to contain, i’ve decided to get rid of that extra energy by spreading some good vibes around here!!

it seems that we’ve collectively gotten our asses kicked by january and february but march has begun, spring is almost there and the best part? you’ve managed to make it this far and i am so so proud of you!!

whatever you’ve been through in these past few months, know that i appreciate you. i see you. i love you.

this is your reminder that beautiful things are to come. please hold on tight, little flower and until then, a little something to lift your spirits up

here’s to a beautiful spring filled with joy and laughter with joel

much love,

anna 💗

hello lovely anna, you have no idea how much i needed to read this today 🤍 you are always such a ray of positivity and i appreciate you so much. this moodboard is so gorgeous!!!

thank you for this. i am sending all of these vibes and all of the love straight back to you, too. hope you're good, my friend 🍓🐞❤️

[captainrayzizuniverse]

i meeeeannn like so much shit man!

I spent the entirety of last year following on livestreams. That was my experience, dodgy sounds and extreme barricade closeups. So this was like a slap in the face a punch in the stomach.

-His voice is phenomenal. After watching almost every livestream last year I was always anxious what it would sound like actually live and it was beyond perfect. The confidence added to it as well. There was a discussion before the tour started on one blog saying how Louis doesn’t sound loud enough (as loud as harry’s show because surprise, that’s always the metric to measure) because he doesn’t turn his mic high enough. And the suggestion was due to his confidence and blah blah blah. Wow fuck man, you were wrong. His voice was loud and crystal clear. I’d say my seat definitely helped in that as well, but yeah no he was fucking loud!

-Him liking the SIBWAW lights and then telling us to keep going and us being like “yes master” and continued to lift our hands up and down to finish the song. Giving us an unnecessary workout. Like my right arm is going to be sore af tomorrow.

-Him completely forgetting his first speech. I’m like ‘why the fuck is he angry at us for?’. Me and my friend were discussing how he’s going to say Toronto because the Academic singer pronounced the second ‘T’ so heavily...but then he completely forgot to speak and I thought we’ll end the show without finding it out! It felt personal ok?!

-The screens malfunctioning and completely turning off during holding onto heartache, made me question every effect in the screens later. Like was everything on purpose or was it the effect of the screen fuck up esp since there was a dead pixel that was driving me nuts. Regardless, the visuals on the screens are unreal. I can watch them with the music overlaid on top all day. Also the color palette of the lights on the stage for different songs were so so so nice. Mixed with the smoke mmmm beautiful vision.

-The rainbow project. man oh man. I saw the videos and I saw my own video and it does it no justice. I was in the upper red section so I got to see it all with a good view and it was perfection. Literarily surrounded by light. I always admire the fan project organizers. They are so fucking good and don’t get enough credit. Honestly I want to send them a gift basket or something.

-505 killed me. Like on the floor dead. “I crumble completely when you cry...” is a moment. I want to be in a session with him when he picks a song to cover. Like what goes on in that process?

-The band. Incredible. Michael. Incredible. So grateful he gets to tour with Louis so he can give him his moments. Like he OWNS his solos.

-People at the first two shows were saying how young the crowd was...I was surprised by today’s crowd. From the moment we walked in, people were definitely younger than me (34) but it didn’t feel as young as I thought it would be. Also loved seeing plenty of people older than me being there with their friends and you can tell they’ve been here a while. Diverse age group is always welcome.

agh man the only reason I’m not keyboard smashing is because I did that already in the streetcar but out loud to my friend. But my reaction to the entire gig is essentially one endless keyboard smash.

-Also finally after the show me and my friend got the orange hoodies because we wanted to look like traffic cones.

Definitely suffering the post concert blues. But at least I get to visit new york in july and attend the final one. Although nothing will beat Toronto because Toronto is home!

[cinamun]

I had to send an ask because the comment(s) would’ve been too long *cracks knuckles*

I’m apart of the late crew today…but first things first, Life swings us all by our ponytails. This is not the big comfy couch. IRL & pixelated life can get it. ..BUT I’ve been peeping how JayJay moves and let’s take it back a bit when Hope was in her “I wanna fuck Kenji” stage…Do you see how that man handled that situation!? 😩 Like, he literally opened up the conversation (if my memory serves me correctly) then reassured our girl as he conversed/reassured her WHILE HE WAS IN HER GUTS. Slow strokes. Reassuring voice. Baby girl shed a tear. That hit MY soul. (Nonny, i get it if you don’t understand grown folks business…and THAT moment right there was DEFINITELY grown folks business OKAY! Sheeeesh) But, I personally don’t feel someone like/that can do THAT will risk it all for a student that so happens to know tHe CoLtRaNe CyClE. I said before, I know things be falling apart a helluva lot but I want us to be released from the shackles of not being able to trust someone that has pure intentions & a good heart because we’re used to seeing/experiencing the fuck shit. Shit, not to bring up our fallen homie El *pours one out for him* but see how Jay tackled THAT situation!? He’s not playing about our baby girl Hope Diamond.

he’s one of the good ones. You see the bullshit his mama puts herself in and he most definitely sees that too. Jay wants a happy home & a happy life. He’s had enough trauma & he’s not trying to invite that bullshit into his life. We gotta give him credit for that. That’s grown man shit right there. He had an active/loving father. He grew up in a loving household until his father passed. It’s all he talks about…the reason the man loves Coltrane is because of his father. He remembers that love his mom and dad shared. So when he’s staring at the back of Ubrite girls head at those keys, that man is zoning out to the sounds of Coltrane. And I’m pretty sure when he gets home he will run home like a lil school girl and tell his wife that he has a student that has talent & knows her Coltrane. He’s a professor, it’s his job to invest in his students.

There’s definitely piss in the pool when it comes to men but there are trustworthy men out here. Jay is one of those men. Not a gas light or manipulation in sight, Jay loves his wife and family. He is literally the happiest man…misery cheats. Also…also I feel that if it crossed his mind that’s a conversation that he would have with his wife, Jay communicates. He’s not impulsive. That man is a damn good man/husband.

So I’ve said all that to say, what makes you think that they aren’t living and experiencing their happily ever after right now and that he is doing his job to make sure he invests in his students because he wants them to succeed. Home girl popped up and turned in one late paper & all of a sudden black women can’t have nice things. LIKE!? I’m confusion. 😩 But also, every single good show leaves on a “cliff hanger” just to get the mind going. That’s good writing. That makes you want to come back to see what’s gonna happen and it always doesn’t have to be the extreme. Life is about navigating those situations…and that translates to this story *chefs kiss-ly*

Listeeennnnn, Imma ride for JayJay. Literally put on my ski mask and drive the black bus for anyone else who wants to hop on because I don’t play about that one. He’s proven thus far that he’s one of the good ones & I don’t believe his flesh or his mind is weak. THATS A DAMN GOOD MAN SAVANNAH!

but also My eyes perked up when I read “Would you like your plate to go” 👀? Because yes, I would like one also 😂…Girl (you know I’m not the anon because I say it with my full chest, always)…but lemme get a wing plate and TWO ghetosas to go! It’s been a loooong week. 😂😂😂

Y'ALL COME READ THIS RIGHT DAMN NOW!!

That's all I got, I'm fucking speechless!! This is so important and I.....

[seerofmike]

mike 2024 year in review

2022 vers

2023 vers

this is something i do every year to reflect on my top 7 movies and top 7 games that i watched and played :D i really think doing my monthly stuff this year has helped me retain a lot of information better.

there were several movies i didn't get to see this year that i wanted to (the substance, anora, and lisa frankenstein, most notably) but i will probably get to those this year)

ALL movies are 2024 releases, but the games can be from any year since i don't often play games the year of release--not major games anyways. anyways here are my top 7 movies and top 7 games, in alphabetical and alternating order (i.e. movie/game/movie/game etc):

I Saw the TV Glow

i was not kidding when i said this movie changed my life its been over 6 months since i saw it and im still thinking about it literally all the time. im considering getting a tattoo???? anyways if u are trans (or even if ur not actually. go enjoy cinema) please watch this. u will feel so so so so different. forever.

Balatro (2024)

this game has irreparably changed my brain chemistry. number go up

Late Night with the Devil

i still think this movie was lame as hell for that AI shit but ive been thinking about it a lot this year. having a 'lost special' / 'found footage' film about the behind the scenes material of a set being terrorized by the occult becuz their host sucks ..... it was cool ! just sucks about the AI thing. hopefully david dastmalchian gets other bigger projects

Cult of the Lamb (2022)

i think gameplay wise cotl has a lot to live up to but i cant count hades 2 for my year in review since its in early access to cotl gets to be here instead. i DO find all of its aesthetics charming and neat. so this isnt a pity spot in the list. but it is carried here entirely by little guys and a banging ost

Love Lies Bleeding

in retrospect i still think the ending of Love Lies Bleeding was my favorite theater experience of the year. man. you had to be there. people were screaming. laughing. cheering. yelling "WHAT" at the screen. top tier moment. extremely sweaty greasy wlw revenge that ends in the most batshit bonkers way possible. im obsessed. genuinely

Long Live the Queen (2012)

i had to uninstall this from my computer because i was doing math for fun in my free time whenever i wasnt playing it, planning ahead. the demons are tempting me back

Transformers One

im kind of in awe that this movie flopped so hard because i thought it was GOOD. like actually good. it was funny and i really enjoyed the character arcs am i just lame or is everyone else lame

Marvel Rivals (2024)

in a year where apex sucks absolute bootywater, and i needed a new shooter the most, marvel rivals came to me. and this time, if the lore sucks, most of the characters have decades worth of comic history to look into! hurray

Wicked

i saw this movie 5 times in theaters. i am not a musical fan. thats all im gonna say

Mouthwashing (2024)

im giving mouthwashing my fav game of the year award. theres just so much to say about it and i dont think ill ever have time to articulate it all. its just so mundanely horrifying beneath the flashing lights and body horror. and i think that really, really helps it stand out, as well as having a strong visual identity with these ps2-ass graphics and the way certain interactions are framed with cinematic intent in mind. theres so many deeply haunting moments in this game that arent even necessarily borne from the true horror stuff like the gore and the nightmare sequences. theres a reason that so many people have drawn art to represent that dead pixel

The Wild Robot

i thought this movie was just kind of delightful, a very pleasant experience. not particularly deep but i dont think it needs to be. lupita nyong'o i love you

Night in the Woods (2017)

so i've tried playing nitw like twice before and i could just never really stick it out. both first playthroughs i think i made it as far as day 3 when you have to decide whether to start hanging out with bea or gregg and then for some reason i was just never interested enough to go back and finish the game. but this year i decided i was gonna, and not only that, but i ended up 100%'ing the game! i can see why so many people fell in love with it and there are several moments i think about a lot, particularly mae meeting 'god' and everything with germ becuz i like him :)

Young Woman and the Sea

i kinda had to sit and go damn would this movie really make my top 7? and i decided yeah. it would. i really enjoyed it. it's just a solid entertaining time. i even learned a little something. it's not often that happens xp

Slay the Spire (2017)

so like nitw, i have played slay the spire before, but i never really was too deep into it? this year, however, i GOT into slay the spire, and man i am not looking forward to when my job starts back up and i sink another 40 hours into this thing out of boredom. it consumed my life. just one more run....

[crispylilworm]

Top 5 Video Game Foods

The recent Watcher Top 5 Beatdown had me racking my brain and googling lots of pixel food images, love the different aesthetic, experience, and curiosity factors that went in to their lists. Though I'd share my own & would love to hear yours!

5. Sweetroll (Skyrim)

4. Lantern Fruit (Subnautica)

3. Creamy Heart Soup (Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild)

2. Peach Pie (Animal Crossing: New Horizons)

1. Brewster's Coffee (Animal Crossing: Wild World)

Reasoning & honorable mentions below ^.^

5. I got into Skyrim late to the game, but my first character started as a Jean Valjean-inspired petty thief in the pursuit bread and cheese. Nothing looked quite as appetizing as those little sweetrolls. One of the many delightful discoveries I came across going in blind to an iconic game.

4. Red, plump, slightly bioluminescent - super versatile as either a food source or bioreactor fuel, but most of all a gorgeous addition to any base. Returning to base and taking a bite of a fresh lantern fruit was more just for roleplay than anything lol, but man do I want to have a taste in real life.

3. Figuring out recipes was one of my favorite parts of the unlimited exploration in the open-world Breath of the Wild, and nothing seemed tastier than the Creamy Heart Soup. I can just imagine how revitalizing it would be to slurp it down mid-battle. Something about video games making imaginary fruits just looks so tantalizing, and I'm always a slut for a good soup.

2. The craftable food update in New Horizons is what kept me around for nearly a 1,000-hour island. Something about how they would steam after you cooked and placed them just looked so good. The cute aesthetics of the food items could warrant its own top-10 list for me, and the Peach Pie was as good as it got. I got the Switch game in 2022 well after the pandemic peak. Neither me nor my friends had peaches on their islands, and I was not about to pay to trade with someone - I never actually attained this beauty. My island had lined fields of crops and a farmers market with baked breads and jarred goods, she would have been my star centerpiece.

1. This is mainly an experience-based choice for me, but I imagine the taste would be phenomenal as well. 10-year-old me was unaware of changing DS settings to play different dates, so the once-per-day cup of coffee was a cherished moment. At the time I did not even know what coffee tasted like lol. The thought of drinking a scalding hot beverage scared me but I did not want to disappoint Brewster by letting it cool past its peak flavor. And Saturday nights when KK Slider was there?? Highlight of my week. Honestly that whole atmosphere of having a tasty little drink and watching a local live performance is exactly the vibe a look for as 28-year-old still. I wish I could go back and see how many hours I put into Wild World, I literally COMPLETED that game before I had access to the internet to look up how to find things - it was my cozy place.

I had too much fun putting this together lol honorable mentions has no cap idc, also no proofreading we die like men!

Honorable mentions: Yeto's Soup (Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess) - it took so long to make it must be the heartiest soup ever, Rare Candy (Pokemon) - if it can make my pokemon level up imagine ME, Lobster Thermador (Sims 2) - max level cooking meal I didn't think was real lol, Goopy Carbonara (Sims 3) - what's so goopy about it?, Crab and Egg Chinese Style (Cooking Mama) - a food I want to try and cook myself, Dubious Food (Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild) - what flavor is 'dubious' exactly?, Cheesy Meat Bowl (Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom) - food that could instantly cure a hangover, Golden Apple (Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild) - does it even taste different?, Perfect Cherry (Animal Crossing: New Horizons) - I am allergic to cherries but I would risk it, Pink Cake (Stardew Valley) - so cute I NEED a taste, Light Faerie Sundae (Neopets) - faerie food looked tasty af the light sundae looked the best, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (HP & The Chamber of Secrets PS2) - Harry seemed so excited to find those beans I need to know why, 'Johnny Silverhand' Cocktail (Cyberpunk 2077) - beer + chili + tequila sounds awful I want a taste, Big Bang Burger (Persona 5 Royal) - I want to taste of Okumura's finest, NukaCola (Fallout) - if it doesn't taste like Diet Coke nuclear apocalypse isn't worth it, Klawf al Ajillo & Pickled Toedscool (Pokeomon Scarlet/Violet) - I want to taste the forbidden meat o.O

[aoyesoup]

ʚ(╹ڡ╹)ɞ 03.04.23 Trip to Zoo ¨♡

Went to the zoo yesterday for my sister's birthday. It was so much fun! In the past we weren't able to really go out for our birthdays to celebrate so it was nice being able to get out of the house and explore. We got to see all of our family members throughout the day, some met with us at the zoo and others went out to eat with us later in the night, then we walked around downtown until like 1am. Best. Day. Ever. Haha, we even got Dippin Dots icecream. Its hilarious because my siblings and I are 19+ and we all were giggling like children with our Dippin Dots. Man, we got to see so many animals in person. Ostrich, Hippos, Rhinos, Lizards, Snakes, I wish we got to see the Lemmurs lol BUT THATS FINE! I hope to see them with my boyfriend when we see each other again <3 We live far from each other but one day we won't ~. After visiting the zoo, we went out to eat at this wonderful Mexican restaurant, the staff were so friendly and luckily, they're margaritas were strong enough to where we could just drink there instead of going bar hopping later in the night LOL! We met up with more family then finished our meals and stayed at our grandma's for a bit then drove to our cousin's new apartment and chilled there. Vibing out to music with people you love, enjoying drinks, and just talking is so underrated. I'd love doing that everyday if I could :,) After vibin at the apartment, we hit the streets of downtown and oh my god, lemme tell ya, the city is so beautiful. Lights and projectors, music, drunk people, sober people, families at parks, couples taking strolls, all of it made for the perfect film-like scene. I literally felt like we were in a movie with some of what we experienced during that walk aaaah! I may move to the city one day just to see the night life and early mornings. Here are some photos I took while we were at the zoo. There are many more but I think I'll keep those in my phone for now. I wanted to take my new Sony camera while we were out, jeeez those would've been some fire pics if I did. Would start with photos from the drive to the zoo and end with blurry downtown selfies of everyone laughing in the street and stumbling into a corner 7/11 for the second time LOL! I gotta take my camera out more. I have 3 total; Polaroid Now 2(? I think thats what its called), Canon Rebel x(?), and Sony RZsomething haha. And hell no I'm not rich! The Canon was a gift from my dad when I was like 15. The Polaroid was a birthday gift I bought for myself specifically to take photos of my boyfriend and I when he came down to visit for the first time (our first real life encounter o3O we some online daters lmao) in 2021. The Sony is my newest baby, was also a self birthday/christmas gift in 2022. One of the best decision of my life has been purchasing that camera... For many reasons.. ANYWHO these photos from the zoo were captured on my lovely, timeless iPhone 6s :) Enjoy my wonderful pixels ♡

[dalnim96]

manga recs

Hello there. Here is some of my favourite manga, manhua, manhwa or webtoon that I’ve read and think it would be great to share it with you guys.

note: some recs are explicitly mature rated (smut/violence). do note that some works might have different titles used and just so you know, i'm a big sucker for romance (except for yaoi/yuri - just doesn’t fit my liking) oh, and full-color comic just... idk, no reason. p/s: don't judge my taste ㅜㅜ

manga/manhua/manhwa/webtoon

a good day to be a dog

the greatest wolf of my life

spirit fingers

i love yoo

the lady and her butler

his barcode tattoo

something about us

the moon that rises in the day

winter woods

unlucky mansion

bloody sweet

age matters

pinocchio

transparent cohabitation

see, hear, love

my beautiful world

uncle cool

orange marmalade

que sera sera

four years apart

forever mine

nineteen, twenty one

ghost wife

the great merchant, kim manduk

ugly duckling

re-life

zero point idol

the sensual m

machida kun no sekai

your letter

who invited you

secret crush

quoth the boy

annoying alice

devil no. 4

annarasumanara

scorching romance

flighty love (ho gu's love story)

true beauty

my ID is gangnam beauty

bambi to dhole

girls of the wild

sweet spooky darling

50 pixel days

the girl and the geek

back to the highteen

the maid and the vampire

a business proposal

fiery enemies

1 plus 1

positively yours

sesame salt and pudding

the werewolf boy

the devious new employee

straight outta manhwa

oh! holy

light and shadow

the uncanny counter

the girl with a mask

i found somebody to love

wedding impossible

as you wish, my prince

shokuba to jitaku de gyappu no aru papa

kamibukuro-kun wa koishiteru

futari ashitamo sorenari ni

shadow squad

doridosim

the villain's survivor

the island manager

the flower boy

the lovely existence

an hour of romance

the wolf and the puppy

neko to kiss

airplanes

doctor elise: the royal lady with the lamp

jack: the american ghost

romance 101

to love your enemies

crush of a life time

gatabutata

the problem of my love affair

my secretly hot husband

what's wrong with you, duke?

i stan the prince

she may not be cute

iris: the lady with a smartphone

susu, han

picture perfect

cheoyong: a ghostly romance

nice to meet you

your smile is a trap

daddy boy

a spoonful of your love

lady evony

just a girl he knows

fire me if you can

villainess in love

hello summer

ooh la la

jinx yeon-in

what are we?

my cute beast

sarang and pyeonggang's ondal

the duchess who sees ghosts

the villainess is a marionette

i was tricked into this fake marriage

season of blossom

let's do it after we marry

the flower dances and the wind sings

please take care of me in this life as well

love of mine

from today on, i'm a boy

fishbowl garden

the man's game

she's hopeless

act like you love me

sixth sense kiss

this villainess wants a divorce

tricked into becoming the heroine's stepmother

the first night with the duke

how to raise the devil's child

for better or for worse

a symbiotic relationship between a rabbit and a black panther

the villainess lives again

the blue guardian of the princess

elixir of the sun

villain are destined to die

false confession

black winter

ginger and the cursed prince

i raised a black dragon

the tyrant's sister

the villainess needs her tyrant

i'll politely decline the male lead

sekai de ichiban itaranu koi

ghost-kun was an unpolished gem

springtime by the window

anyone can become a villainess

when the villainess is in love

i found a husband when i picked up the male lead

the villainess maker

i didn't mean to seduce the male lead

beware the villaness

what i decided to die for

i became the villain's mother

leveling up my husband to the max

his majesty's proposal

koori zokusei danshi to cool na douryo joshi

the soulless duchess

i'll just live on as a villainess

i will make an effort to change the genre

i'll be the matriarch in this life

who made me a princess

finding camellia

kono kaisha ni suki na hito ga imasu

please marry me again, husband

once again, into the light

when the count's illegitimate daughter gets married

revenge marriage

untouchable lady

marry me!

love phantom

the story of park's marriage contract

kill the villainess

my in-laws are obsessed with me

it takes more than a pretty face to fall in love

the bittersweet couple

when the flowers bloom

wife after love

let's get divorce, husband

dragon king's chef

villains behind the curtain

the princess double life

yamada-kun to lv999 no koi wo suru

living no matsunaga san

the common story of a lady's new life

will you marry me again if you are reborn?

father, i don't want this marriage!

the fantasie of a stepmother

please don’t come to the villainess’ stationery store!

i became the male lead's adopted daughter

the skeleton becomes a cat dad

marriage and sword

four kisses in secret

operation name pure love

another love

the huntress and her love prey

dangerous yet sweet onii-san

charlotte and her five disciples

atsumori-kun no oyomesan

spy x family

a villainess for the tyrant

happily ever afterwards

i have become the hero's rival

secret lady

ojou to banken kun

mainichi kiss shite ii desu ka?

kawaii nante kiitenai

i fell into a reverse harem game

a transmigator's privilege

the silent daughter of the duke and the cold emperor

the great wish

a sign of affection

mobuko no koi

i don't feel like doing anything

otonari ni ginga

marry my husband

i will seduce the northern duke

meido no koi wa enma shidai!

love and courage (oh, my yonggi boy!)

maybe meant to be

some hairy business

marriage of convenience

the man with pretty lips

yamaguchi-kun wa warukunai

fundari, kettari, aishitari

the broken ring: this marriage will fail anyway

the girl downstairs

the beloved little princess

unmei no hito ni deau hanashi

boyfriend next door

what happens in rio (carnival baby)

our secret alliance

the lady and the beast

i have no health

i'll take good care of you in this life, your majesty.

miss time

when i quit being a wicked mother in law, everyone becomes obsessed with me

secret romance 2022

pure villain

writer's block of romance

two steps away

swimming lessons for a mermaid

coffee thief

mokrin

my husband changes every night

the president special instruction

the doctor is out

hello baby

another typical romance fantasy

my one and only

after school lesson for unripe apples

the falcon princess

your eternal lies

kidnapped bride

the duke's bored daughter is my master

the fantastical after-school writing club

secret mimi

superstar from age 0

rewritting our love story

museru kurai no ai o ageru

the spark in your eyes

the divorced evil lady bakes a cake

watashi-tachi ga koisuru riyuu

come on - a my house

my husband is a housewife

my far too tumultuous marriage

revelation of youth

schoolmate friend

inso's law

combini de kimi to no 5 fun kan

megane, tokidoki, yankee-kun

kimi ga suki

the meaning of you

sweet and tart boyfriend

invisible man & human lady

kimi ga kirai na koi no hanashi

once more (again with you)

the night without shadow

wish upon a husband

i became the villainess in a disastrous novel

the northern duke needs a warm hug

the trophy husband

i tamed my ex-husband's mad dog

the castle - keeper of the sacred eyes

shi ni modori no mahou gakkou seikatsu wo, moto koibito to prologue kara

summer fever

savor the taste

raised by the villains

the heart wants what it wants

three lifetime

the baby saint wants to destroy the world

beloved in-laws

the legendary beasts animal hospital

check in to your heart

forget my husband, i'll go make money instead

my farm by the palace

for my derelict favorite

becoming the dark hero's daughter

sorry i'm not an angel

matcha made in heaven

itonami itonamezu

boku wa imasugu zense no kioku wo sutetai - akogare no inaka wa jingai makyou deshita

toaru tenin to kyaku no hanashi

majo-senpai nichijou

just twilight

my classmates are vampires

a tipsy marriage proposal for the emperor

reforming the obsessive male lead

side characters deserve to be loved too

let's meet after work

fall for you

friends shouldn't act this way

the runaway lead lives next door

the villainess's princely predicament

kingyoya-san no karisome fuufu

the lady need a break

he accidental heiress

the flowery path for the devastated male lead

the unseemly lady

i spy my married life

i can't keep up with my stallion duke

gokugoku futsuu no fuufu no hanashi

childcare diaries

the princess doesn't want to marry her ideal type

the tyrant's comfort doll

i raised my fiance with money

My childhood friend becomes an obsessive husband

ne ne ne

i raised my childhood friend as a tyrant

once upon a time in zombie empire

how to prey on your master

yano-kun no futsuu no hibi

the duke's villainous daughter is depressed

taming the marquess

how to gracefully divorce a dragon

my mother got married by contract

please marry me again

before death do us apart

kiyoku, yamashiku, modokashiku

dam of the forest

black dragon's choice

kimi wa nazotoki no ma cherie

hachioji meibutsu tengu no koi

why are you obsessed with your fake wife?

it's just a contractual marriage

writing my male lead happily ever after

my villainous family is against independence

three b(r)others

the monster duke mistook me for his wife

a campus romance, i guess

turning the mad dog into a genteel lord

dealing with demons

shujinkou nikki

the law of being friends with a male

the problematic prince

i'm just having fun with the time limit

the empress wants to avoid the emperor

a kiss is not enough

the baengri clan's unwanted granddaughter

accidental love

the mafia's nanny

the older sister of a maniac prince

how to satisfy the devil

reincarnated as a villaness, i'd rather raised a cat

the nerd turned out to be the tyrant

couple, how far can you go?

gimme that pacifier

i think i have transmigrated somewhere

30 minutes with you

the villainess captured the grand duke

my boss doesn't have a face

as leticia wishes

how can there be a divorce when we haven't married, your majesty?

rated mature/smut/violence/horror (18+ only) 🔞

note: read at your own risk.

bastard

an innocent sin

h-mate

you’re not that special

hwaja

sweet dream

summer solstice point 

say you love me 

340 days 

340 days sequel: unmelting words

be my guest 

oogami-san, dadamore desu 

under the oak tree

toy complex

sweet home

the missing o

the losing streak

sweat and soap: baby making book

the blood of madam giselle

hardcore vanilla

honnou switch

my bad boyfriend

this witch of mine

the whale stars

the beloved concubine

my friend's hidden charm

watashi wa okazu senpai ni taberaretai

a kind goblin's bride

sweat and soap (series)

the moon on the cliff

the virgin witch

the naughty exorcist and his captive demon

honey, i'm going on a strike!

obscene houseplay

the artist and the beast

peach sorbet

christmas no yoru ni

last order wa ojou-san de dekiai jouren kyaku ni kyuuai saretemasu

the blood of the butterfly

superstitious nine

obscene baguette

kuro bengoshi no chijou sekai de ichiban omoi junai

my childhood friend can't be this big!

the dilettante

apollo's heart

the men in my bed

highschool lunch dad

homeless

hotaru no yomeiri

fire in the swamp

dattara ore ni horeteshimae

tsurenai kanojo no hitorijime 

hana and the beast man

kimi to koete koi ni naru

taming of the shrew

konomi ja nai kedo~ mukatsuku ane to aishou batsugun ecchi 

ideal recipe

our sunny days (bl)

kami-sama yorimo yakuza-sama

tadano renai nanka de kikkonai-kojirase joushi to fechina buka

konoe no kyuujitsu

devil's wish

childhood friend complex

quiet in the office!

tears on a withered flower

joseon dynasty erotica records

i don't want to bed you

there's a rat in our house

how far are you okay with?

kitsch wedding

marriage situation

merry psycho

[shadowden]

SONGS TO WRITE MEGUMI:  whether  it  be  melodies  that  give  you  inspiration  for  your  muse  or  songs  that  get  you  into  the  writing  mood   —   pick  10  songs  you  find  that  give  you  the  urge,   the  drive,   or  the  creativity  to  write  your  muse   !!

▶ Island in the Sun - Weezer

hip, hip, hip, hip.  when you’re on a holiday, you can’t find the words to say all the things that come to you and you wanna feel. on an island on the sun, we’ll be playing and having fun, and it makes me feel so fine.

▶ Rise - League of Legends

     higher and higher you chase it, it deep in your bones, go and take it, this is your moment. now is your time, so prove yourself and RISE, RISE

▶ Rhinestone eyes- Gorillaz

i’m a scary gargoyle on a tower that you made with plastic power. your rhinestone eyes are like factories far away. when the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. drive on engines til they weep with future pixels in factaories far away

▶ Lonely soul- UNKLE

i believe, there’s a time and a place to let your mind drift and get out of this place. i believe, there’s a day and a place that we can go to and i know you wanna share.  there’s no secret to living (there’s no secret to living). just keep on walking, there’s no secret to dying (there’s no secret to dying), just keep on flying

▶ Sweater Weather-The Neighbourhood

And all I am is a man. I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach but i stand in california with my toes in the sand. use the sleeves in my sweater lets have an adventure, head in the clouds gravity centered touch my neck, and i’ll touch yours.

▶ Do I wanna know - Arctic Monkeys

do i wanna know ? if this feelin’ flows both ways? sad to see you, was sorta hopin’ that you’d stay. baby, we both know that the nights were mainly made for sayin’  things that you can’t say tomorrow day

▶ love all - drake

never had a lot, this is all i need people never care till it’s R.I.P, turned they back on me for no good reason. loyalty is priceless and it’s all i need, can’t burn a bridge just to light a way. lotta ‘42 on the flights i’m taking, pouring out my soul and it might sound crazy, lotta falling-outs helped me build foundation. never had a lot, this is all i need.

▶ Heartless - The Weeknd

‘Cause I’m heartless, and I’m back to my ways 'cause I’m heartless. all this money and this pain got me heartless. low life for life 'cause I’m heartless said I’m heartless, tryna be a better man but I’m heartless

▶ Sometimes I hear howlin’ in my head-DEANTRBL

rain is falling on bad timing, know its nothing, just knocking. i can’t help it cause it’s over, hello? i can’t help but say it’s over (So screwed up)  Yeah, it’s true, true I’m stuck in the loop might sound strange, yeah though it’s true to be stuck in the system. time rewinds, you looked at me baby. yeah, it’s true, true I’m stuck in the loop, losing control, I can’t get over.

▶ Survivor-2WEI

thought it would be over by now but it won’t stop thought that i would self destruct, but i’m still here even in my years to come. i’m still gon’ be here. i’m a survivor, i’m not gon’ give up. i’m not gon’ stop, oh i’m gon’ work harder.

tagged by: @curseleads

tagging:  @thevcssel @frcstie @night-divining @hortussecretum

[kirishimas-manly-eyeliner]

A full, entire list of headcanons for a day with:

1. ☼ waking up with him ☼6am-8am

LISTEN UP Y’ALL

IF YOU DON’T SIMP FOR EIJIRO, JUST THINK:

YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING TO SEE HIS BEAUTIFUL, MESSY, CHAOTIC BED-HEAD WITH HIS HAIR DOWN AND HIS ADORABLE TIRED LIL’ SMILE

now if THAT doesn’t make you simp, you CONFUSE ME

anyways, so-

if there’s one thing that kirishima chooses to do, it’s to wake up early. i am so sorry to those who enjoy sleeping in, but hey, it’s the price we gotta pay to simp 😔✋

but omfg y’all, is the sweetest baby ever when you wake up with him! kirishima would most likely cuddle you first thing in the morning (…as in like 5 am-) and pull you in closer, planting a kiss on your forehead

“’morning, my beautiful pebble, d’ya sleep well?”

butcanwepleasetalkabouthowcutehisvoicewouldberightwhenhewakesup

you’ll also probably wake up to an insane amount of talking and chatting with him, and by six o’clock, he makes sure that you’re ready to be on your way

the sun is still rising where you guys are, so it’s actually pretty dark where you guys are

he ruffles your hair as he takes you on walks outside, hand in hand, no matter how tired you are

expect him to piggy back you, saying that it’s manly bc IT ISSSSS

2. ✎ doing online school with eijiro ✎ 8am-12pm, 2pm-4pm

“i think i’ve lost complete and utter trust in everything,” you groan. “i can’t even trust my video and mute button, and i need to trust those!”

kirishima grins at you as he plants a kiss on your forehead. “how ‘bout i buy you something tasty during break, huh?”

“kirishima, we’re literally broke,” you deadpan, half-joking but half speaking realistically.

“so what?” you’ve been working so hard lately, i figured that you at least deserve something as a reward.” he squeezes your shoulders from behind your seat (don’t worry, your video’s off for now :))

you raise an eyebrow. “…something?” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“yeah! like maybe we could go for a walk, or-” he stares at your expression before he realizes what you implied. “baby, this is a sfw blog, we’re not allowed to-”

kirishima also most definitely pulls up a chair next to you in class, even though he doesn’t even know what you’re doing. he might not be in that class, but he’ll be right next to you the whole time in case you need help

when you do need help, he peers over your shoulder and helps you solve whatever problem you have right away

the sweetheart also gives constant reassuring reminders to drink water, i LOVE HIM

but when he leaves, he also says, “study and work hard, y/n! i’ll be right here for you during break!”

he promises you a kith and a hug if you keep on striving during online classes 🥺

kirishima likes to come in during class when your video is very much on, and he peeks his head in, waves, and then smiles before heading back out of the frame

“y/n, how do you fight villains, kick butt, literally stand up for an entire school, but you still rehearse how to say here?”

“shhhhh, i’m trying-”

another scenario, “y/n, can you please answer question four?”

“sure. the book that i chose for my report was the fault in our stars by john green, which implies the message that-”

“BABY, YOU GOTTA SEE HOW LOUDLY I CAN CLAP MY HANDS IF I USE MY QUIRK-”

you mute yourself, “DON’T YOU DARE-”

he makes online school almost exciting, and he just makes everything so much more enjoyable

kirishima also takes your hand, squeezing it tightly as he kisses your knuckles. “i’ll start making lunch. good luck baby!”

3. ♨ meals and afternoon walks with eijiro ♨ 12pm-1pm

HATE YOU BREAK IT TO Y’ALL BUT EIJIRO KIRISHIMA CANNOT COOK FOR THE HECK OF IT

y’all have seen him in the training camp thing,, right??

kirishima might not be the best at cooking, but you can count on him to take you somewhere!

man knows the best places where you live, and he just about literally gets whatever you want

you guys probably leave for a walk during break at noon, and kirishima makes sure that you feel safe and comfortable around him no matter what

afternoon walks are probably the most interesting part of your day, and the way lets you put your hand in the pocket of his hoodie just- 🥺🥺

i think something that isn’t stressed enough is people who seem less vulnerable being attacked by predators, so if anyone even dares to approach you, kirishima will LITERALLY POP OFF

not like the quirk pop off-

“HEY! that wasn’t very manly of you!”

as you walk along the way, kirishima makes sure to never let go of you and make sure you feel completely safe with him

you two probably stop by a nearby restaurant and get some sort of food to-go before heading back and eating during class, but shh your teacher doesn’t have to know-

he’s such a sweetheart like honestly

kirishima makes every meal taste like 50 times better, and he makes sure that you eat and drink lots of water!

but if you’re honestly having trouble with your appetite, kirishima makes sure not to push you too hard

he holds your hand if you ever get scared, he tells a joke ease your mind a lil’ 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

eijiro makes sure that no matter what happens, he holds your hand and tells you to take it easy, but also encourages you whenever you need it

he’s so sweet, please keep him

4. ◪ crying + evening naps ◪ 5pm-7pm

crying

kirishima knows that crying is just something that’s natural, whether it’s that you’re frustrated or just feel so tired, he understands

and it’s not even like you’re having a full blown panic attack or anything. you just gotta have your daily cries, ya know?

please tell me i’m not the only one who has like scheduled daily cries-

“it’s okay, crying’s healthy for you, anyway! it’s definitely better than keeping it bottled inside you. c’mere.”

he kisses your scalp as he rocks you back and forth, occasionally wiping away a tear

kirishima reminds you that reacting some way to a bad situation is natural

“if someone was in your shoes, they’d most definitely feel that way, too! don’t feel like you’re the only one, baby, because you’re not. i’m here whenever you need me.”

after, he takes your hand and drags you to get a glass of water. “if you ever nee to cry again, you gotta stay hydrated,” he winks

he’s also so caring and soft when he sees you upset, he gives you the best cuddles as he plays with your hair. kirishima occasionally, when you’re crying, whispers in a compliment.

“your eyes are so magical.”

“you have such a beautiful smile.”

“you’re so… beautiful.”

naps

for naps, kirishima omg please jUST BE REAL FOR ONE SECOND

PLEASE HOW DID MY LIFE COME TO BEING IN LOVE WITH A COLLECTION OF PIXELS-

that beautiful, loving, emotional support shark is who i’m in love with and it’s insane

you rest your head on his chest, breathing in his scent as he places his hands around your stomach

(also kirishima would most definitely adore plus-sized people and stretch marks/acne. he loves every insecurity that people growing up may have, and that just gives me SO MUCH HOPE-)

everything is just so insanely peaceful as he has soft music playing in the background, kissing your nose and cuddling in closer with you

the blanket is directly over you, and after a long day at work, you two decide to take a break together

kirishima also most definitely makes sure to wake up earlier for the nap than you so that he could get you a cup of water

he plays with your hair and gently shakes you when you need to get back to work 🥺🥺

5. ☾ going to bed + cuddling headcanons ☽ 10pm-12am

OKAY SO I KNOW I ALREADY DID SOMETHING LIKE THIS HERE

but i literally canNOT STRESS HOW MUCH LOVE I HAVE FOR THIS INDIVIDUAL

he usually doesn’t mind if you stay up late, but as long as you take care of yourself while you’re at it, that’s completely okay!

kirishima usually likes to make sure that you have a consistent sleep schedule though, even if you look at him in the face and go,

“excuse me? sleep schedule? who’s that?”

eijiro just laughs in such a pure way before he helps you tie your hair or keep it up when you’re brushing/rinsing

while you brush your teeth though, he kinda just wraps his arms around your waist in such a gentle way 🥺🥺

he’s such a gentleman and just wants you to be happy

after, he gets you a cup of water and sits next to you on the mattress

he sometimes likes to play old rom-coms or films while cuddling next to you, or maybe some fancy lil’ disney movies

sometimes he’ll pick horror movies and say “i’m manly enough, i can take it!” and then you’re completely unfazed while kirishima SCREAMS

“b-being vulnerable is manly!”

“oh golly i love you so much.”

something i absolutely adore about kirishima is that he has so much respect for women, enby’s, whatever it is, he just wants them to feel safe and comfortable

he makes sure that it’s okay for him to wrap his arms around you, and makes sure to respect your boundaries

there’s no better place to be than in his arms when he’s wearing a hoodie and your face is rested in the crook of his neck

his chest rises and falls as he turns off the lights, and he might play some light music in the background

kirishima likes to play with your hair and makes raspberry blows into your neck aND I PERSONALLY THINK THAT’S HILARIOUSLY ADORABLE

he’ll make sure that no matter what, you feel safe and comfortable around him

you two sometimes end up having really deep conversations at like 2 am with him

for no apparent reason, you two just start talking away like it’s nothing

he holds your hand and runs his hands through your hair, before whispering comfort into your ear

“you’re so, so beautiful,”

“you have the most beautiful smile,”

“has anyone told you how nice your eyes were?”

“i love you.”

[zemodaddy]

Shades of Him

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Oeznik walks over to you a presses his hand forcefully on your shoulder. You shakily stood and followed him away from Zemo. You turn around one last time hoping and begging you can speak to him soon. Oeznik gives you one final push out of the door. “We have a room for you where you can stay if you’d like” he says. You hadn’t thought about what was to happen next but you saw no reason not to accept.

He sets you in a room at the other end of the corridor in which Zemo’s room was. You were glad you could be close to him still, even if he didn’t know you were there. Looking around, you begin to unpack some of your things into a closet. This bedroom had to be just a little smaller than Zemos. It had similar furniture and decor, but faced out towards the gardens.

Before you could look any further, someone knocks at your door. A maid enters and says she’ll unpack the rest for you while you go have a look around. Not wanting to make a fuss you do as she says and walk towards the corridor again. Oeznik stood there and led you downstairs.

He shows you the ground floor which consisted of two large living rooms, a kitchen, library and conservatory. He tells you that you have free rein of the library and gardens, since you probably needed something to do anyway. The gardens turns out to be quite overgrown. A long path led along the acres of land that were filled with all sorts of plants. From red roses to the most exotic plants you’ve ever seen.

It almost felt like a different world, as you walked further along the gravel path, the overhanging trees swayed you to go further. They completely blocked the view of the house and you felt isolated, but not in a way that scared you, in a way that was calming and friendly.

Zemo was the only thing missing to make your experience truly special. Sadness tugged at your heart as you decide to walk back to the estate. The next time you took a walk here it would be with him.

When you walked through those towering front doors you receive a call. “Hey y/n where are you?” Shit it was Bucky. “Erm just on a walk around town, what’s up?” “We are taking Karli out tonight, we know where the flagsmashers will strike next. Can you come?” “That’s great Bucky but I have a major family issue right now. My cousin is in hospital right now and I need to be there for him, I’m sorry” “Oh I hope he will be okay, wait, didn’t you say you were on a walk?” Fuck “uhh yeah just taking a breather, its quite stressful here.”

You wish him good luck and hang up. That was close. How could you ever explain to him where you really were. You begin to walk to the kitchen for a drink when Oeznik appears in front of you. “I got word from the doctors that Zemo should wake soon” “oh thank god” you say. It was strange because he didn’t look happy about this. In fact he seemed to grimace at you. Even weirder was that was all he said, and then he just left.

He was one peculiar man. Later that night when you were in your room you watch the news on your phone. This building had only one Tv, and that was in the smaller living room downstairs. You didn’t want to intrude on anyone so you now sat on your bed.

Sam had taken the shield and became the new Captain America. He was the perfect person to bear such a title. You were glad John Walker lost the shield. What a twat. Both Bucky and Sam had stopped the flagsmashers, however Karli had been shot and died. It was sad to see a young girl die like that for something she believed in.

If only the government would have listened for once. You fall asleep on the bed but only rest for a few hours. For some reason you wake in the middle of the night. It was still dark outside and everyone was fast asleep.

You decide to go check on Zemo. Now was your chance to be alone with him and not have oeznik breath down your back. Carefully, you open the doors to his room and shut them slowly behind you. Zemo was in the same position he was in before. His chest rising and falling softly in the dark. You didn’t bother having a light, it was peaceful in the darkness.

You move and kneel down next to him again. Taking his hand in yours you just sit there looking at him. He seemed to stir a bit at this, or was that just your imagination? “I’m sorry” you whisper. “I’m sorry” you repeat as tear begin to flow down your cheek. It was hard for you to be next to him when he couldn’t even talk to you. You felt hopeless and lost.

It was like a part of you he been ripped away and hidden somewhere. Somewhere you couldn’t find, or couldn’t even reach. Zemo moves again, this time it wasn’t your imagination. He was waking. “Oh my god” you say to yourself.

Suddenly, the doors fly open and none other than Oeznik sprints in, followed by two men who looked like doctors. “Get away from him” he almost shouts. “I didn’t-“ you start but he shoves you to the entrance of the room. “Go to your room and stay out, don’t come near” he looked slightly frantic and panicked.

You had no choice but to leave. As the doors shut behind you you hear a distinctive click of the locks. He did not trust you at all. You waited for what felt like hours. Pacing your room you begin to wonder why Oeznik treated you like that. Did he think you tried to kill Zemo? No surely not. Your mind was racing with thoughts.

In the distance you could hear voices coming from the other room. They sounded almost in distress. You thought enough was enough and you walk back down the corridor. You raise your fist up to the door but as you were about to knock it opens. Oeznik looks down at you. He pushes you back slightly and closes the door behind him, hindering you from looking inside the bedroom.

“He doesn’t want to see you” you stand there in shock. “W-what” you stutter. “He seemed to have gained a strong disliking for you.” You worst fears have become true. “Can I just talk to him-“ you try to move past the butler but he blocks your path “I’m afraid I can’t let you go in there” so he does hate you. “I think its best you leave, now, before the baron realises you’re on his property”

Before you knew it you were hurried off into a car. You felt completely empty, like all life had been sucked out of you. You nearly killed him and now you’re paying the price. It’s what you deserved now, and you had to accept that.

You didn’t realise how you ended up back in your apartment but you vaguely remember in between the breaks in your line of thought, being escorted onto a plane and then a car again. Now you stood in your home, alone. The emptiness embraced you, hung around you like a necklace. You just have to accept that he doesn’t want to see you, let alone be anywhere near you.

The days passed and you stayed mostly in your home. You lacked all motivation to do anything. After a few weeks you heard a knock on your door. “Bucky?” He stood there in front of you. He doesn’t say anything and goes in to hug you. He had always been sweet yet this embrace seemed almost sad.

“Why haven’t you called or texted?” He says as he sits himself on your couch. “I know I’m sorry its just been a rough time for me lately.” He looked genuinely worried for you. “Do you want to talk bout it?” The honest answer was no but you knew he would worry about you even more if you said that. So you nod and sit next to him. “Ive just been stressed about work and-“ you pause, there really was no work for you to do, but he didn’t know that.

“I have this old friend who I hurt quite badly and now I think that he hates me” you look down at you hands “I just don’t know what to do” Bucky looks at you sympathetically. “If you both love each other and care for one another then you will find each other again” he looks you in the eyes “Its not over until its over”

Tags: @killsandthrills @aisling1985 @booklover2929 @noavengers @arianalilyblack @your-pixels-are-showing @kenna-1904 @mochminnie @the-lil-spud @starssscary @safiakillspop

Sorry if i missed anyone ^

[bittydragon]

The Borrower of L’Manburg (Pt.1)

Notes: So for starters, this story is actually written by a friend of mine on discord. They asked if I would be willing to share this with you all and here we are! I’ve enjoyed reading their writing as the story progresses (and if you didn’t see in the title there are more parts in the making!) With that all said, their story is really good, so I hope you enjoy their writing as much as I do!

It had been a while since you had fled your home in L'manburg, but not nearly long enough to be able to move out of this cursed house that you had had to move into for the time being. You somehow chose what was possibly the worst building to ever live in. The dictator and his VP lived here; the ones that uprooted your life and destroyed the protective walls of the nation you called home. You were terrified every time you had to go out for supplies, but you couldn't survive another long journey to any other nearby building yet. Piercing loud yelling broke your train of thought.

"Quackity, I swear to God, don't you fucking touch that!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" A different voice yells back, laughing. The man behind that voice was a bit younger- Quackity is his name, the Vice President of the dictatorial president. He also seems to be a whole lot nicer in private than he showed when he was ripping down the walls that protected you. You tuned back in to their conversation, but it was too late. You hear the front door slam, and silence.

They had left. This gives you the perfect opportunity to go scavenging. These guys aren't exactly tidy- they leave everything out in the open, which is the only reason why you hadn't risked your life to escape to get somewhere else quite yet. You remove the pixels of the block you had hallowed out for yourself and look around, just to make sure the coast is clear. After replacing the pixels, you make your way across the counter of the whitehouse's kitchen, which is actually just a space below the stairs, with just a crafting table and a few furnaces. Once you get to the furthest furnace away, you clip your fishing rod string to the corner pixel and swing down to check for any leftover cooked food. There's some cooked chicken, so you grab just one pixel of it. You don't want to risk them noticing anything.

Just as you've swung yourself down to the middle furnace, you hear a loud thump upstairs, and freeze. The color and warmth drains from your face in an instant as footsteps begin thundering down the stairs that are right over your head. Oh, fuck…

You scramble to pull yourself up and unhook the string, but it's too late. You hear the clink of the door opening behind you, and your body turns cold. You can't see it, but you can feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of your head.

"What the actual fuck?" His voice seems slightly amused.

You're sweating bullets, but all of your senses suddenly hit you all at once. RUN. So, you bolt. You're sure that this is the fastest you've ever ran in your life, but somehow he's faster and slams his hand down in front of you.

"Oh hell no, you aren't going anywhere! You're staying right here, you tiny fuckin idiot." He laughs at you condescendingly as you slam into his hand and bounce off, flat on your back. When you try to sit up, he puts his index finger on your stomach to pin you down as he looms over you menacingly. "What, you really thought I'd just let you leave? I gotta know what the fuck you are!" He chuckles without a single attempt to comfort you. Can he even see that you're hyperventilating? You aren't sure.

Realizing that your hands are free, you pull out your swords and slash his finger in one swift motion, drawing blood immediately.

"AH, SHIT!" His scream thunders in your ears. He pulls away to look at the damage you did, and you swiftly scramble up and continue your escape to your block. "Hey!"

You're stopped mid sprint as your sword is snatched away from you, and you stumble a little bit. A moment later, you're also snatched up by the opposite hand. Another moment later, and you're held up in front of a giant, horned face of the man- and he looks absolutely pissed.

"You little piece of shit! What the fuck was that for? I didn't do nothin' to you!" Those words coming from him fill you with rage, but you don't want to piss him off any more.

"Let me go!" You squeak, squirming in his fist, your arms pinned to your side this time. Only your head and shoulders peak out of his hand. He raises his eyebrows at the sound of your voice, obviously a bit surprised.

"Hell no!" He looks at his other hand, at the finger you had slashed. He sucks on it for a second just to clean the blood off. "Not after that shit you just pulled. You're a violent little thing! What are you anyways, huh? Where'd you come from?"

"I'm a villager! Now let go of me!"

"Wh-What?" He laughs loudly. "You aint no fuckin' villager! You're smaller than a bee!"

"Yeah, thanks, I couldn't tell. I am a villager. At least, I used to be."

"What the fuck happened to you then, huh? A witch got you? When did they make that update?"

"Yeah, sure, a witch." You shiver at the memory of what happened to your village. Dream and Technoblade. You'll never forget.

He sets the fist you're in down on top of the furnace and leans over, resting his other elbow on the furnace as well. "Well c'mon, you gotta tell me your life story, I'm so very interested." Sarcasm drips from his stupid muttonchops.

"Piss off." You scowl at him. You remember how Dream had threatened the whole village if anyone ever said anything to anyone. Schlatt uses his thumb to nudge your head, just to annoy you. He smirks and chuckles.

"Y'know, you're kinda cute. I might have to keep you around." Your eyes widen at that.

"What? Keep me?"

"Yeah! Like a pet or some shit. Build you a little terrarium or something." He snickers.

You start to struggle in his grip again, which immediately tightens out of instinct. "Let me go! I'm not staying here with you, you crazy bastard!"

"Woah, woah, why the hostility, Jesus! Relax! I'm great to be around, I don't know why you're freaking out. You'd love Quackity, too." He stares off into space for a moment in thought of his new VP.

"No! I'm not staying with either of you! You ruined my home in L'manburg!" You fight with all your might to free yourself from his hold.

His eyes light up with something you can't quite place, but it isn't good. "Ohoho! So that's where you came from! L'manburg, huh? What the fuck did Wilbur do to you!" He laughs so hard that he has to straighten himself standing up. "Y'know, I rule L'manburg now. So you're technically my citizen. I rule you." He chuckles at your pitiful attempts to get free. "You're just as pathetic as all the other citizens I rule. Except with you, I can hold you in my hand. Oh yeah, you aren't going anywhere, anytime soon."

You didn't know it was possible to laugh as hard as he is.

~

You huff as you pace back and forth, glancing out the glass he had trapped you in. He had taken away your sword earlier, but before he had trapped you he had taken all of your supplies- your hook, your climbing equipment, your toolbelt, everything besides the pixel of cooked chicken. He said that you had 'earned' that.

Whenever you glance out the glass, you see Schlatt laying in his bed, turning a little bit every once in a while. You sigh, knowing that his VP will be home soon. At least that's what Schlatt told you before he went to sleep.

Speak of the devil, you hear the sound of the front door, muffled by the glass that surrounds you.

Fuck.

"Schlatt, I'm back! I got some extra food and coal and stuff!" A chest opens and then closes a few moments later.

You pushed yourself up and looked around for somewhere to hide. You see nothing. You're out in the open, trapped in glass, without anything to protect yourself. Double fuck. Footsteps can be heard coming up the stairs.

"Schlatt? I- Oh!" Quackity switches his voice to a whisper. "Shit, I didn't know he was sleeping." He giggles to himself. You push yourself to the far back corner away from him, which backfires on you immediately. Quackity swivels around, hearing the slight scuffling noise you made when moving. His eyes widen, as do yours, and he freezes. "What the fuck…?" He whispers, eyes locked with yours. He takes a step forward, causing you to press back even more. He notices.

"Hey, hey, it's okay! Don't be scared! I'm not gonna hurt you." His voice is a lot more calming than Schlatt's, especially since Quackity is still whispering, trying not to wake up Schlatt. You realize that you're shaking when you glance over at Schlatt. He notices that as well.

"Did… Did he trap you?" You nod in response. He squats down so he's not looming over you. "Oh Jesus. Uh… what exactly are you?"

You sigh internally, really not wanting to have to explain it each time. You decide to just give him what you refer to yourselves ever since Dream got your village. "I-I'm a borrower." You reply simply.

His eyes light up and he grins when he hears you speak. "Oh my god. You're so cute." He laughs, then looks over to Schlatt, who tosses a bit in his sleep.

"Can… Can you let me out? P-Please?" Your shaking slowly lessens, realizing that Quackity probably doesn't have the same intentions as Schlatt does. His eyes snap back to you. There's now pity in them.

"Oh… uh… I-I can't," he rubs the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. He… He would kill me if I did that." You wince at the second realization that it's not gonna be easy getting out of here. You sigh and slump down into the corner of the glass container, rubbing your face.

"It's okay! He's not as bad as he seems once you get to know him. You might like him! Eventually…!" He gives you a little smile. "What's your name?"

"(Y/n)." You hesitate a moment. "You're less scary than him. Thanks for being… nicer."

He grins again. "What are you talking about? I'm very intimidating! I'm way taller than you." He stands up to his normal height, his shadow falling over you. A shiver runs down your spine.

"Okay, okay! You're scary too!" You giggle nervously, and he laughs.

"It's alright (Y/n), I promise nobody's gonna hurt you, not on my watch." As if on cue, Schlatt stirs from the bed, making Quackity cringe as he sits up.

"Quackity? You better not be touching the little thing in the glass that I found. I'll kick your ass." Schlatt grumbles and yawns. You try to make yourself smaller in the little corner you've claimed as he gets up, stretching even taller as he approaches Quackity and the glass container.

"No, I haven't touched her."

"Good. Don't. It's mine."

"Where did she come from?"

Schlatt is fully awake once he asks that question, grinning. "Well, apparently our little visitor here came straight from L'manburg! Isn't that cute?" He sneers in your direction.

Quackity's eyebrows shot up. "Wait, what? You're from L'manburg?!" You saw his pity again. "You didn't tell me that."

You cringe. "It… It didn't come up-"

"Oh! You two've been talking! What did it tell you, Big Q?" When Schlatt looks at you, all you see is malice.

"Just… her name… and what she is…?" He fidgets nervously.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"Please don't-"

"Ah ah ah! Shush! Go ahead, Quackity!"

Quackity gives you an apologetic look. "Her name is (Y/n). She's a borrower." With that, Schlatt's face lights up like a Christmas tree, and he starts laughing maniacally.

"So…! You lied to me, huh?" He catches his breath after laughing. "I didn't even care much for your name, but what the fuck's a 'borrower' and how many of you little rats are around here?" He rests his weight on his hands, placed in front of you behind the glass. You start shaking again.

You push yourself away from him. "I didn't lie! I-I haven't seen anyone else around in years. I don't know. There's nobody else here or in L'manburg." You ramble, looking anywhere and everywhere but his face.

"Schlatt, c'mon man, you're scaring her." Quackity tries to push him back, but Schlatt slaps his hand away. Your eyes widen- that much force on you would kill you instantly, but it was practically nothing to them.

"Don't touch me. What I do with her is none of your business. I found her."

"Yes it is! I'm not gonna let you hurt her when she can't do anything to you!" Quackity yells back, taking Schlatt by surprise.

"She's from L'manburg! She could easily be Wilbur's little bitch sent here to get information!" Who's Wilbur?

"She doesn't know anybody. She's innocent, just leave her alone, man!"

"Fine." Schlatt steps over to your glass container, and opens the top. His hand reaches in and fills up your entire field of vision. You squeak in fear and push yourself back into your corner.

Since you made it hard for him, Schlatt has to pick you up between his thumb and index finger, on your stomach and back respectively. You squirm at first, but you grab on tight as your stomach drops when he lifts you up and out of the container. "No no no! Please!"

"If you want to protect her, then here, catch." Within a second, you're flying through the air, screaming your lungs out. You gasp when you land on your back onto a warm, plushy surface, frozen in shock, mouth agape.

"Schlatt what the fuck! You can't just do that to her, she's tiny!"

"Too late. She's your problem now, anyways."

Quackity protectively holds you close to his chest, shielding you as Schlatt walks by him and down the stairs. "If you let her run free to Wilbur I'm gonna hunt her down!" You both hear the front door slam shut.

[gwoongi]

best years

jeon jeongguk / reader genre: best friend au, bff-to-lovers au, fluff, angst, guk is pining rating: general words: 2.6k warnings: its a short little fic, sort of like one chunk of a big chocolate bar and im gonna slowly feed u one chunk at a time until you’re sick and full a/n: a squint into the mind of bff jeongguk who will star in an eventual “idol best friend” series that i routinely dream about but have always felt it disrespectful to write about but at the end of the day everything i write is fiction and jeongguk would probably be less offended by a “canon divergence bff au” than he would reading my drug addicted rockstar au so :-) read it & weep folks

Jeongguk’s always been scared of the rejection he might receive from you. He might be a dream for fans across the world, but there’s a split second where Jeongguk feels like he might not be good enough for you. He’s the world to other people. But you deserve the whole galaxy, and he’s afraid that’s something that he might not ever be, even with the money, and the fame, and the doubts he tries to hide.

Jeongguk was taking a pretty big risk, he knew that. It was risky taking any step out of his house at any moment, even on the days where it was pouring outside; he’d think he was safe until he made it to the end of the road, earphones snug in his ears, and the flash of a camera behind the shrubs in the corner of his eye blinds him back to his front door in a twisted shame. 

Granted, he’d expected it to be worse as he booked a plane ticket and made a rather hasty, in-the-moment journey to the airport and on a plane with no layover. Usually when Jeongguk takes a journey overseas, there’s at least one or two fans hiding in the corner of the suites waiting for him, or someone on the plane who’d recognise his face. For this, he’d suck it up and take a photo. It was better to have good PR, and be a little bit pissed off that he’d been discovered, than to have bad PR and to be known as the member of BTS who didn’t give a damn when the ‘real’ reasons for travel were taken away.

But Jeongguk thought the risk was worth it this time. The plane touched down in Manchester, and from there, it was an hour long train journey to a station he didn’t know anything about to meet a friend of yours he’d only seen in Instagram pictures. You were at University now, a face he saw on a screen rather than a face he quite literally woke up next to months before. It had been four months since Jeongguk had seen his true best friend, and fuck anybody who was going to make him wait a second longer before seeing you again.

You were his greatest risk, but it was worth it. You were worth it.

“Fuck, it’s insane to actually be meeting you right now.” Frank is a good guy, ginger with circle glasses rested on the end of his roundish nose. He led Jeongguk out of the train station, offering to pull his suitcase for him. “I mean, I’m a huge fan.” Followed by a sigh and a quiet, “Who isn’t…?”

Jeongguk smiled at him, squinting in the sun as it hit his eyes in the direction of Frank’s face. “Thanks. I hear a lot about you, too.”

Frank grinned, whipping his head towards Jeongguk. “All sexy and scandalous things, I hope. You know, none of us believed Y/N when she said she knew you. We thought the pictures were Photoshopped, you know how she is.” They both paused by the side of the road going one way only, “Shit, she’s gonna freak out when she sees you.”

That was three minutes ago, but Jeongguk’s still playing that sentence on a loop. He walks alongside Frank down one of the streets, past a redundant furniture store that quirks his brows. A man stands in the doorway, a cigarette out of his mouth and ash dropping to his toes bare in sandals. It smells like doughnuts, and weed, and he smiles brightly. He’s missed the UK, and how unbelievably shockingly awful it is when you’re not looking at picturesque photos of London online.

“I thought you’d know that Y/N’s my best friend,” Jeongguk says thoughtfully. He pauses as Frank does as a car zooms past when they’re about to cross. “I mean, people know. The photos got leaked, all of them.”

“Hey, give me a break,” Frank says dramatically. “I only became a fan three months ago. And yeah, I figured. Finally, I understood why all the white girls studying Korean here wanted photographs with her and to be her best friend…”

Jeongguk frowns. “Is it bad? She doesn’t tell me this stuff on the phone. I mean, they go crazy on Twitter when she posts pictures and we interact, but I didn’t…”

Frank shakes his head and grins at Jeongguk until the words die out. “Nah, don’t panic. It’s not that bad. If anything, she might get a kick out of the fame. Trust, there’s always gonna be the girls who hate her because she’s friends with you and that’s like, what, threatening to their fantasy? But she loves you a lot, and a friendship like yours...it’s kinda like family, you know?”

Jeongguk feels his stomach flip, kind of like butterflies. These butterflies are sour, his heart racing that extra bit quicker. He likes the sound of family. He doesn’t like the way Frank implies it, because if Jeongguk is ever going to consider you as family, it won’t be as his sister. You’ve never been his sister, even when you were part of his family growing up. There were times you came to all of his Korean family events, the times his family called you their own, but you were never his sister. It was different to that, you both knew it but never acknowledged it.

Frank makes small talk until they make it to the student accomodation you currently live at, and because Frank knows basically everybody, a student comes to the gate to let them both in. They’re nice, big and pretty-skinned, wearing an Aston Villa shirt that Jeongguk remembers looks a lot like your Dad’s back in the day. Might be the same, might be a vintage.

He smiles at him, because maybe this guy knows Jeongguk, but the guy just turns back into the common room and doesn’t come out again. Frank doesn’t live here, he lives in a flat of his own around the corner, but Frank might as well be a resident here. He lets himself in towards the lift and shoots a text to one of your flatmates.

“Apparently she’s in the shower,” Frank says casually. He locks his phone, taps his foot as the lift rises, “Let’s hope she doesn’t stride out completely stark naked as you’re in there.”

He almost blushes, “Ha, yeah.” He declines to mention the times you two have showered together, the time you went skinny dipping together when you were fifteen. Those were things that might end up getting misunderstood, and those are his memories he’d like to keep hidden and secret. He says nothing, nothing but a thank you when he enters your flat with Frank and takes a different turn to the left as Frank goes right, towards the kitchen.

Your room is at the very end, your name on the door in stickers from a set you got from the 99p store, and from inside, he hears the music in the bathroom. The door opens silently and closes with the same volume, and Jeongguk manages to wheel his suitcase to the end of the bed and plonks himself down. As expected from pixels on the screen, your room looks better in person- white walls and a bed set that’s white with a peony pattern. Above your desk, Jeongguk recognises all your photos together, new polaroids of you and the friends you’ve made at University who Jeongguk always felt kind of threatened by. He smiles to himself, and rests his neck at a strange angle against the wall your bed is literally attached to. From here, he can see the bathroom door in the mirror on the opposite wall, but he knows you’ll only see his feet when you come out.

Speaking of which; the Fleetwood Mac song ends suddenly and the shower water has stopped running. Jeongguk hears the toilet flush and his heart starts to race. Four months of falling asleep on Facetime and texting when there was no time left in the day, and now, here he is, on your bed, waiting for you to step out and...and, then what?

Maybe you didn’t even want him here. Maybe you were happier now that Jeongguk was in Korea and you were still at home, in a new city with new friends and a new life. Maybe the memory of Jeongguk was burdensome. Worse, maybe he was something you felt you had to remember but didn’t really want to.

Jeongguk’s always been scared of the rejection he might receive from you. He might be a dream for fans across the world, but there’s a split second where Jeongguk feels like he might not be good enough for you. He’s the world to other people. But you deserve the whole galaxy, and he’s afraid that’s something that he might not ever be, even with the money, and the fame, and the doubts he tries to hide.

The bathroom door opens and in two seconds, the light is shut off and he hears you sigh.

“Frank, you gotta stop letting yourself in here without telling me,” your voice says. “Good thing I’m semi-decent. Usually I’m not.”

“No fun,” Jeongguk teases, and silence follows. There’s a pause in the room, and Jeongguk cocks his head with his left cheek on his shoulder, waiting for you to click and appear in front of him. Suddenly, there’s small but quick thuds across the carpet and Jeongguk feels his chest tighten with a nostalgic feeling as you come into view with wide eyes, damp hair and nothing but a bra and those stupid black worn leggings you refuse to throw out.

The grin that reaches Jeongguk’s eyes now aches as he laughs at you, at the way you gape in his presence. It takes a moment, a moment of what feels like could be the rejection that Jeongguk absolutely fears, but then you smile so wide that Jeongguk feels it in his stomach.

“Holy shit!” you exclaim loudly, bringing a hand to your mouth as you hurry towards the bed. It dips beneath your knees and Jeongguk rises up to a sitting position. “What the fuck!”

He laughs out loud, and when you’re next to nothing away, Jeongguk wastes zero time in bringing you into his arms, tightly hugging you.

“Careful, my hair’s all wet,” you squeak.

“Don’t care.”

He really doesn’t. There’s probably going to be a damp spot on his clothes after, but that’s okay. You groan loudly with happiness as you hug him in return as tightly as he is hugging you, your weight on his lap and your arms around his neck. Jeongguk smiles so wide, sighing with content into your neck. Here, he smells the marshmallow wash on your skin, the fragrance of your hair that kind of reminds Jeongguk of cabbage patch babies.

“You smell good,” he mutters. You laugh quietly, squirming when his nose sniffs across your neck like one would kiss. “I don’t.”

“You do, you always smell good,” you reply. One sniff, he laughs, “See!”

“Mmm,” he plays along, “the sweet smell of planes and trains and jetlag.”

That makes you laugh, and at the mention of jetlag, Jeongguk realises he could probably fall asleep like this given the chance. He has missed this, missed you, so fucking much. The emotions are overwhelming. 

Jeongguk kisses behind your earlobe, and just underneath your jaw. That’s new. Jeongguk was a cheek-kiss kind of best friend, but never this. You’re not complaining. Your head drops to one side, almost giving him more access to the space free, and he occupies it. Those fucking butterflies; Jeongguk feels sick with nerves as he kisses you, under your chin and across your neck, on that spot on your collarbone you found out tickled after Seven Minutes in Heaven in Year 8. Maybe your fingernails in his hair are a way of you telling him to stop- it’s something he can think about tonight if he can’t fall asleep, something he doesn’t care to think about when he kisses on your actual jawline, to your cheek and the corner of your mouth, your cupid's bow.

He moves away with a blush that matches your own, but maybe you can’t see his in the colour of your fairy lights. He plays with the confusion as he moves the hair that's across your face around your ears, smiling and raising his eyebrows. Jeongguk convinces the role of casual to perfection and bites back a sour taste when he notices you’re the same. Casual, unmoved, maybe even like it didn’t mean a thing.

“Your hair is so fucking wet,” he sniggers boyishly.

“I told you,” you shrug. You shrink, relaxed, “Fuck, Guk, why are you here? I mean, I’m literally so happy, but...Are you gonna get in trouble for this?”

“I dunno,” he admits. “Maybe, probably. I mean...the guys know I’m here. Hoseok drove me to the airport with Jimin.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Jeongguk sighs loudly. “Yeah, I know. Frank told me all about the girls.”

“Little fucker. Is he here? I’ll punch him for mentioning it to you. It’s honestly fine. Girls will be girls.”

“You’re my best friend for life, it’s important to me that you’re not uncomfortable by it-”

“I’m not,” you assure him, hands trapped in his hair. “Damn, this got long. Didn’t look long over the phone.”

“Was growing it out,” Jeongguk replies. “Heard you fancied Keanu Reeves, couldn’t handle the competition.”

“Ha!” you retort. “Simp.”

“For you,” frowns Jeongguk dramatically.

Conversation fizzles comfortably, to the point where you both forget that Jeongguk’s underneath you and your legs are wrapped like a koala around his middle. The fact that this is normality for you both is ignored. You’ve done worse things together. Jeongguk even knows that the bra you’re wearing now is one he bought for you. That could be why Jeongguk feels the way that he does, why this confusion wraps around his body and traps him. Jeongguk knows that the butterflies in his stomach don’t just appear because you’re his best friend he hasn’t seen in a while. He knows what they mean when they flutter when your name pops up when you’re calling him, when an interviewer tries to catch him out by bringing you up in another interview that you don’t need to be mentioned in.

Jeongguk knows that coming here was worth the confusion, and the nerves, and the fact that this will be a headline when it gets out. JEON JUNGKOOK GOES TO UK TO VISIT HIS BEST FRIEND...BUT ARE THEY MORE? Or worse, NETIZENS HAVE PROOF THAT BTS JUNGKOOK IS DATING HIS BEST FRIEND Y/N…

He doesn’t want to hurt you. That’s how he feels scared. For you to be scandalised by an article online that caught him out in his feelings, he knew it wasn’t fair. Jeongguk might be too afraid to say he’s in love, and too afraid to find out if you feel it too, but he’d risk those feelings and the headlines if it meant spending one more day with you.

Jeongguk’s got a week and a half with you. Something’s gotta give within this week. He doesn’t want to go back to Korea with more regrets than he came with, and for now, he’ll just have to swallow those butterflies back down when they pour out of his mouth. Right now, he can’t afford to be caught out. It has to be known on his own terms, when the timing is perfect. It has to be perfect, because it’s what you deserve. It has to be perfect, because if it isn’t, then Jeongguk doesn’t think it will be worth it.

Losing you to a headline and a butterfly is out of the question. One tries to escape when you hop off him and shrug on a jumper from out of your wardrobe. If you noticed his unease you didn’t mention it. He wants to cry, wants the confusion to go away for the night so he can enjoy it.

Fuck.

For now, he thinks as he follows you with an arm around your shoulders out of your bedroom and towards the kitchen to meet the others, he’ll just have to fake it til he makes it. Just like always. Put on a face, put on a show, until it all feels worth the spillage. He can’t let the butterflies escape yet.

It has to be perfect, and he’ll have to be patient.

[heartbreakgrill]

Best Years; Calum Hood.

description: in which you join the listening party and things get weepy. (no warnings.)

a/n: hiiii! idk if anyone’s even gonna read this, but i hope you enjoy! i kinda wanna expand on the relationship centered here in this imagine, so look out or request for it!

You tugged the heavy comforter over your legs, propping a pillow on top and your laptop on the structure. A nudge at your left arm gained your attention and you watched as Duke moved it out of the away. He curled up into your side, panting happily.

You ruffled the tips of his ears with a tired smile. “You ready, Uke?” He gave an affectionate lick to your hand, gravely and wet. You scrunched you the middle of your nose in response.

With a few taps on your laptop, Instagram was brought up. You refreshed the page once the Eastern time zone matched up with your own. It wasn’t too late that you had to stay up for the album release, thankfully.

Calum’s adorable face popped up on your screen whenever you clicked on the 5sos Instagram icon. His eyes grew when he noticed your comment, a small red heart for his endeavors.

“Hey, everyone!” You could hear his voice echo down the hallway, as well as through your phone. Your wiggled your legs in excitement, readier than ever to hear the rest of this album.

Michael soon joined the live, yelling way too loud for Dukes little ears. You jokingly covered them with your hands but he rolled around to lick your palms. You laughed, but retracted to wipe your hands on your sweatshirt.

When you looked back to the live, it was all kinds of bad quality. Pixels littered the screen and Calum was frozen. You screen shotted his hilarious facial expression, but when your phone returned to the live from the flash of light, the live was over.

You heard Calum’s footsteps nearing the room and the door slowly turned into the room. “Hey, love.”

“Baby, what happened?” You moved your laptop off your legs and began to stand.

“The WiFi’s screwing up. I got a notification that there’s too many people on. God knows why it sucks so much.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, that’s my fault. I was watching,” you stood and reached for him. “I’ll stay off and just listen through the door.”

He tugged you in by the waist, lips meeting your cheek when your hands touched his chest. “Come sit in the living room with me.”

“I don’t wanna intrude-“

“Darling, I helped write songs with you in mind. You’re like the core of the album, how could you intrude?” Calum raised his eyebrows at you.

A blush tickled your cheeks and ears. His thumb rubbed its trail, eyes admiring the color. “Cmon, pretty girl.”

He intertwined your fingers, leading you through to the living room. Duke followed, hot on your trail. Calum got the live up and running right away, plopping himself down onto the floor in front of the camera.

“Sorry, everyone. My internet is screwed up. Shall we start in right away with Best Years? Pick up where Ash left off,” Calum began to stand to set up the vinyl, but you beat him to it.

You placed the needle in the middle of the edge of the vinyl, and somehow you were correct with where Best Years would begin. Calum leaned out of frame to blow your a kiss. You grinned and took a seat on the couch across from him.

Best Years began, adorning your ears for the first time ever. You had refused to listen to it prior to the album release. You knew it was written for you, Sierra, Crystal, KayKay. For you, by the man you loved. You wanted to hear it with him.

You bit down on your lip, clasping your necklace in your palm. A ‘C’ for your boy, hanging off a silver chain. You focused intently on the music, eyes boring into the rug below you. Calum watched to see you reaction. He’d never been vocal about the things in the songs even though you’d been together for nearly two years now. Technically, a year and six months, considering there was a break between.

That break had ended just nine months prior, and while you released each other’s grooves and love, he hadn’t had a chance to give his vulnerable feelings up.

The first words described their situation, giving you a million reasons to walk away, making you feel hesitant because of the person he let himself become. The person who lost you for six months.

When the first chorus ended, you met his eyes with tear-filled ones, chest exhaling with a quiet sob. He disregarded the live and stood to embrace you. You met him on your feet, holding tightly to his shoulders.

Before they knew it, they were swaying, dancing with nose pressed to cheek and tears steaming freely. No one except for those close to you knew you were even together again, so the fans had no idea Calum was in love. But they’d probably figure it out, considering a grin and sliding glass tears framed his face when he sat back down.

There was, also, that spot of lip gloss slipped across his bottom pout.

[heyhey-heyward]

NO I DON’T | part four

series masterlist

summary: In which you take JJ shopping.

word count: 1.8k

let me know what you think! only one part left!

Around noon the next day, you had gathered the courage to show your face at The Chateau. You needed to take JJ shopping, which meant that you were probably going to have to stand the jokes he was going to make at your expense.

You climbed out of your car, finding John B, Pope, and JJ on the front porch. They waved as you approached, and you avoided looking at JJ. You tensed as you got closer, waiting for them to say something teasing about how you accidentally kissed JJ, but it never came.

“Fancy seeing you here.” John B commented as you stepped onto the porch. You rolled your eyes, leaning against the railing. He would’ve been the first to make a joke, so JJ must not have told them, a fact that you were grateful for.

“I need to kidnap JJ, we’re going shopping for Midsummers.” You teased and the blonde in question stood to his feet.

“I don’t have to wear some flowers, do I?” He asked, and you let out a laugh despite the fact that he was being serious.

“Good luck with him!” Pope called as you and JJ retreated to your car. You blew him and John B a kiss and waved before climbing into the vehicle. JJ wasted no time in taking control of the aux for the short drive to the ferry. You waited, once more, for the jokes about how you kissed him the night before to come, but again, you were left in suspense.

“You’re seriously the worst driver I know.” He teased with a grin as you parked at the ferry. With a dramatic gasp, you playfully shoved at his shoulder as you both climbed out of your car.

“I’m going to make you start walking everywhere now.” You shot back with a grin as you approached the ticket booth for the ferry. You slid the money across the counter to pay for the both of you, feeling the weight of his stare on you. Grabbing the tickets from the vendor, you started to walk towards where the boat was loading, tossing a grin to the side as he caught up with you.

JJ poked at your side as you sat in the seats on the front of the ferry. You shot him a look, and he gave you a smile as if claiming innocence. You rolled your eyes at him, leaning back in your seat and looking out onto the water. His arm found its way around your shoulders, and you tried to calm the rapid beating of your heart.

“You know, I’ve never really left the island.” JJ confessed after a moment. You looked up at him, noticing he was looking out onto the water instead of you as he spoke. “Never really had a reason to, you know?”

“Yeah, I never did either until I moved to Figure Eight.” You sympathized. Though you loved being a Pogue, Kook life offered so many more opportunities than you ever would have had on The Cut.

“I feel like I got my very own sugar mama.” He joked, effectively ruining the moment, though he had a point. You never wasted a chance to spend your hefty allowance on your friends, and the Pogues had nearly total access to any of the equipment at your family’s surf shop—a perk JJ took advantage of several times in order to get some new board wax.

Once on the mainland, you headed towards the store your dad recommended in order to rent a suit for JJ. You didn’t bother looking at prices, knowing you had more than enough money to cover it, and instead moved to look at ties that would match your dress.

“Hey J, bow tie or a regular tie?” You called, turning around while holding up both options for him to see. He was frowning, looking at the tag of some dress pants. “JJ?” The second time you said his name caught his attention, and he snapped up to meet your gaze with a distressed look.

“This is… all way too much.” He gestured wildly around the store. You shook your head, crossing back across the shop so you wouldn’t have to yell back and forth.

“We’re renting, so it’s cheaper. Plus, it’s like you said, I’m your sugar mama.” You explained with a grin as you poked his stomach. After a moment of hesitation, he relented, and you got the attention of one of the older men that ran the shop for assistance.

It was entertaining, sitting outside of the changing room as JJ tried on several suits. Just to mess with him, you had him try on a pastel blue jacket that Topper probably already had in his closet. He stepped out of the changing room, a frown deeply etched into his features that had you busting out laughing.

“I look like the guys at the hotel who get mad when I don’t clear a table fast enough.” He commented, clearly uncomfortable in the overly preppy jacket. You snickered, a clear image of the exact type of men he was talking about—the ones that put on Midsummers. “Please do not make me wear this one.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” You waved him off, and he let out a breath of relief as he started to head back into the changing room for his next option. “I think Topper already has dibs on blue, maybe we try orange next?” Your comment earned a glare before the door shut behind him.

“What about this one?” JJ asked as he stepped out of the changing room once more. Your breath caught in your throat as you took him in. It was a simple black suit with a white button up, but there was something about the fit that made it look exceptionally good—or maybe it was just the fact that JJ was incredibly attractive already.

“It’s good.” You cleared your throat, standing up to put on the bow tie for him. You focused on the fabric moving as you worked, trying your hardest to block out the fact that you could feel JJ’s eyes on you. Your breathing stuttered and fingers stilled as his hands landed on your waist, and when you finally finished tying, you rested your hands on the lapels of his jacket.

He spun you around slowly, his hands still resting on your waist. He pulled you back slightly, so your back was gently resting against his front. You met his gaze through the mirror, finding an unreadable look that made your head dizzy.

“What are you doing?” You asked quietly, afraid that if you talked too loudly you’d ruin the moment that had been created. Your heart was beating out of your chest as JJ rested his chin on your shoulder.

“‘M appreciating you.” He mumbled, his voice right by your ear sent a shock down your spine and made goosebumps rise on your arms. It was something he had said so many times to get under John B’s skin when the brunette would get annoyed by his blatant flirting, but now he wasn’t around. It was just you and JJ, and the words that so often fell past his lips were taking on a different meaning.

“Like you… As you should.” You tried to return your usual banter, but his proximity was clounding your senses and making you lightheaded. You watched as a small smile turned the corners of JJ’s lips up, but he stayed quiet at first. He opened his mouth to say something, but just then the man that had been helping JJ pick a suit came back to check on him, and the two of you jumped apart.

Once you had JJ’s suit picked out, you headed back to the island. Just like the kiss, neither one of you talked about what had happened in the changing room. Though you were a very physically affectionate person and you usually hung off of JJ, there was something different about what had happened. The moment felt charged with a tension that you couldn’t quiet name.

“It’s good to be back, let it be another ten years before I leave again.” JJ joked as soon as you got off of the ferry and made it to your car. You rolled your eyes, choosing not to comment as you carefully hung up the suit in the backseat. “Give me your keys, I want to drive.”

“Don’t make me regret this.” You huffed, handing over your keys as JJ pumped his fist in victory. You chuckled at his antics, moving around the car to get in the passenger’s seat. This time, you got to control the music, and you couldn’t help the smile you wore as JJ started belting out the words to the first song you had put on. It was clear he was being dramatic, exaggerating all his dance moves and the high notes, and each time you’d laugh loudly he would shoot you a smile that you swore could light up the whole island. You were so distracted by the blonde driving, that you didn’t even realize where he was taking you until he was putting the car in park. “Ice cream? I thought we were going to The Chateau.”

“Nah, snack time. My treat.” He explained as he climbed out of the car. You tried not to think about how it felt like a date, him buying you ice cream, and instead focused on smiling politely and giving your order to the woman behind the counter. Once you got your orders, you moved to sit at one of the picnic tables.

“Thank you, J.” You smiled, one that was returned without any of his usual mischief.

“So, about last night.” He started and you swallowed thickly. Your gaze fell to the table, inspecting the old painted wood as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. “When you kissed me.”

If your gaze hadn’t been so focused on the table, you would’ve seen the way the corners of JJ’s lips turned up in a genuine smile.

“It was an accident, it didn’t mean anything. Friends?”

You were lying. After the kiss, you had stayed up half the night in awe of the way it felt to have his lips on yours, no matter how briefly. It was such a quick moment, but you had been replaying the chain of events that led to the kiss so often it felt like it had been an hour long ordeal.

You still weren’t paying attention to JJ—or the way his smile fell and morphed into a frown at your words.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s what I thought. Friends.” JJ replied softly, and you finally looked up. Forcing a smile onto your face, you went back to your ice cream, though you no longer had an appetite.

You had feelings for JJ, and you wished you didn’t.

—

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tags with a strikethrough didn’t work

[xlady-saya]

Hello! I don’t really use this account a whole lot but I wanted to go ahead and make a pinned post, which I’ll hopefully remember to update frequently lol. Anyways, here’s a collection of the fics I’ve written for aftg, andreil, and others so far ^^

progress comes in small steps series [complete]

and we’re just starting to get it [Rated T, 11.1k]

Neil is nothing and everything all at once, the entire universe for Andrew, however small of a universe that is. Even Aaron is starting to see it, though the pieces still don't line up.

And Andrew is trying to convince Aaron that he's never jealous? Yeah right. You don't spend your entire life being denied, being hurt, going through foster care with nothing to call your own only to be okay with someone else trying to take the one bright piece of life you call yours.

Or, Aaron is done with Andrew's shit and makes it his job to prove his brother wrong.

there’s always more to learn [Rated T, 12.3k]

The subject of Katelyn and Neil hasn't felt like dangerous territory in a long time, but Aaron feels the bomb countdown already coming to an end before Bee even opens her mouth.

"Well, the two of them are so alike," Bee goes on, oblivious to the tension leaking into the space. Her smile is pleasant, teasing. "It just goes to show how you and Andrew have similar tastes despite being so different."

The world freezes on its axis.

Andrew inhales a little too loudly the same time Aaron chokes on his spit. "W-What?"

trust is a slow process [Rated T, 7.3k]

If Katelyn had been stealthier, she could've escaped the crowded dance floor without Andrew seeing her.

But of course, she's no Neil.

Or: Katelyn and Andrew spend some unwanted quality time together, and Katelyn sees things for what they are.

someday there won’t be scowls [Rated T, 8.1k]

Neil finds that even with his mind's best efforts to hang onto the wounds of the past, his opinion of Aaron just isn't what it used to be. He can thank Andrew and Katelyn for a lot of it, but his own observations certainly help.

When he sees Aaron like this, the mix of worry and adoration on his face as he thinks of Katelyn, Neil can't help but feel too exposed himself.

It's a start.

I want this touch to be familiar [Rated E, 38.1k]

Deep down, Andrew knew he would always reach this crossroads, a time where the thought became too strong to ignore.

Going all the way with Neil. It's not something he can continue to avoid thinking about. When Andrew looks back to the days where he held Neil's hands down, when he never got off with him in the same room, he's forced to acknowledge how much he's allowed.

Not allowed. Welcomed. Wanted.

But that’s not all there is to it, and the desire to make a decision finally makes itself known.

if magic exists, you’re the closest thing [Rated T, 16.2k]

The concept of love is not one Andrew understands.

For a long time, it escaped him. It's always fuzzy, always distorted. He'd given up on it long ago, so why is he still chasing answers?

Whatever the reason, he's content to blame Jean Moreau for a lot of things, Katelyn too.

It's their fault he's here, at the happiest place on earth.

this red is for you [Rated T, 10.8k]

Katelyn never considered herself capable of doling out violence.

It has always been a far away thought, dampened by college courses and late night dates with her boyfriend. She lives a stereotypical life, despite everything she's been through with Aaron. Aside from her growing connection with the notoriously troublesome Foxes, nothing much about her life has changed.

Even then, she's learning she's still able to surprise herself. When Katelyn witnesses Neil defending Andrew, her own protective rage rears its head, ready to be explored.

And maybe that's a good thing.

an unconventional crossing [Rated T, 8.1k]

Aaron likes to believe he and Andrew have a lot more practice navigating their conversations now. And he’s right, mostly. But sometimes, challenges arise at the strangest times, and especially when their significant others are concerned.

In which Andrew and Aaron run into each other at the grocery store, and choose not to part ways.

the roads I traveled with you [Rated T, 35.5k]

When his brother gets engaged, Aaron doesn't expect it to send his head spinning as much as it does. Marriage has always felt like a dream, or a nightmare, one he never thought either of them would be able to achieve.

In that moment, Aaron remembers what he's always known, what keeps his head above water. He wants to be with Katelyn forever. That's never been a question. But marriage hadn't been brought up. For so long it was this abstract concept, a fantasy. He'd always reasoned with himself that it would happen, rationally of course it would, but now...

Now Andrew has made the idea a reality, and Aaron has to confront his own wants for his future.

one shots/multichapters

I’ve had a love of my own [Rated T, ongoing]

Despite everything Neil could’ve imagined for his life, he never thought he’d be here, finally giving the world the interview they’ve always wanted.

It’s been decades, but even with his numerous accolades and sports wins, he finds that they’re the least important thing about his life.

Neil can’t help but laugh. Andrew would be so annoyed if he were here.

Of course, Neil only wants to talk about him, and the life they spent together.

slurred [Rated M, 1.6k]

They're not the type of people to give up control, but with each other they're willing to bend the rules.

growing pains [Rated T, 10.6k]

Stuart knows it’s perfectly normal for teenagers to have crushes. That’s why he’s not surprised in the slightest when Neil starts acting strange; lighter, happier. However, what he doesn’t expect is for the crush to leak into his everyday life—or literally take up residence in his house. Or: five times Stuart knew Neil was hiding a nighttime guest, and one time he actually met him.

your hands are mine to hold [Rated E, 6.7k]

It has taken a long time for Thea to accept a lot of aspects of their past. Her eyes track the fear in Kevin's eyes, emboldened by how his own resolve wears it away year by year. She'll never take that sight for granted.

It's hard to ignore the weights on both of them, with their lives so eaten up by the Exy world and memories of the Nest, but one thing has always remained consistent.

Thea trusts Kevin Day with her everything, and she'll never hesitate to follow him into battle.

better than a night light [Rated T, 7.3k]

Neil hasn’t had the chance to examine the feeling of fear in a long time. He’s all too familiar with it though; from the nightmares, to the memories of a cold basement floor, he knows the feeling like the back of his hand.

But this fear is new, loaded with ridiculousness and a complete lack of reason. It’s nothing more than pixels on a screen, far away theories that can’t hurt him like his past can.

Maybe that’s why he’s beginning to not mind it as much. It doesn’t hurt that Andrew is also there to hold him through it.

Playtime [Rated E, 6.7k]

There was a time when Andrew might've questioned being so into this.

Not anymore.

take what you want [Rated E, 5.4k]

Laila has come a long way from her freshman year, past all the worries and pressure to behave a certain way. She never thought she’d realize it here, lounging poolside with her girlfriend.

The urge to seduce Alvarez is just too good to let go.

a product of absence [Rated T, 7.8k]

It’s funny, Andrew thinks, that this would be seen as a curse in any other situation. Two people, thrown apart by time and circumstances, desperately searching for one another.

But Andrew has never doubted Neil’s return. He’s not running, he’s not worried. It’s perhaps the only waiting game that’s been worth it, that he understands, because this bond with Neil has only ever made sense to him.

In another life, Neil made this much clear: they would always find each other in the end.

here I am, there you go again [Rated T, 17.5k]

There's many things about the past Neil chooses to leave behind, and most of the time it's for the best. For some reason though, his brain can't help but cling to the last memories of him.

"My Ex." Neil bites his tongue at the word, because it never feels right. At this point, so many years later, that man is no one. A stranger. He shouldn't presume to know him anymore than his ex should presume to know Neil.

If he remembers Neil at all.

But Neil should know better than anyone that the past always has a way of catching up to him, and this time, he's not as willing to run as he might've initially thought.

losing battle [Rated M, 3.4k]

It's always been Nicky's dream to be closer with his cousins. However, when he opens Andrew's mail to find more than he bargained for, he finds himself regretting the wish. Unfortunately, no matter how much Andrew's warmed up to him in the last few years, Nicky's pretty sure he'll die (literally) if Andrew finds out.

Nicky's mission begins.

temper, temper [Rated T, 3.7k]

"You paid for the deluxe package," Neil says as he scrolls through his payment history to find his client's invoice. His system is simple:

Basic Package: Fuck you. A general statement of displeasure and a brief description of the wrongdoing.

Intermediate Package: Fuck you, with passion. Everything in the basic package, but with additional insults. Customizable for an extra fee.

Deluxe Package: Fuck you to hell. Everything from the first two packages, for an extended period of time, and with extra viciousness.

And it looks like Andrew Minyard is the unlucky soul today.

a new contract [Rated T, 7.2k]

Neil’s request is simple on its face, but infinitely complicated given his history.

“Convince your team to sign me.”

And this was Andrew’s deal: If Neil can prove that he’s serious, that he can build a new life for himself so that he doesn’t end up crawling back to Riko, Andrew will convince his coach to recommend him for recruitment in the fall.

Yes, it was meant to be black and white…

But Andrew should’ve known better. Nothing ever is.

What a Rush [Rated E, 1.6k]

It's always Andrew's goal to stretch Neil's pleasure to its limits, and he's barely begun to scratch the surface.

locked together [Rated E, 8.3k]

Andrew licks his lips and tugs on the tail of the beast inside him, righting it so it can point him in the direction of what he's searching for. Neil looks good on top of him, panting and giddy, and it's rare that Andrew doesn't want to flip them over and make Neil fall apart.

But...every once in a while...

Well, he's relaxed today. He wants to listen, he wants orders, he wants to be controlled so long as the control comes from Neil.

do you like scary movies? [Rated T, 22.5k]

To say Andrew has never seen the benefit in the make-believe would be a lie. However, he finds less and less use for it as he grows older. He especially fails to see the benefits of anything from the horror genre; he’s made plenty of his own mistakes, has seen more than enough to terrify him in his life. He doesn’t need to rely on jump scares and idiotic protagonists.

But when he meets Neil, self-proclaimed horror archivist, he finds that maybe he never gave the genre the credit it was due, and he ends up thanking the dull movies eventually…

They lead him to Neil, the realest thing he’s ever known.

[spicycreativity]

Soft-Shoe Shuffle - Ch 5

Chapter: 5/12 Additional Notes: See Ch 1 for more information. Read on AO3 under "WizardGlick." Any formatting/italics errors are holdovers from AO3 that I was too lazy to fix. Chapter Content Warnings: N/A; ask to tag Excerpt: Janus slid a few inches down in the chair, feeling as wrung-out as he did when he used to stay up all night braiding and weaving his influence into Thomas’ thought patterns. “I certainly won’t hold this over your head. Figuratively.” He slid down a few more inches. “If you want to avoid falling out of the chair, I suggest you put the footrest out,” Logan said. “The handle is on the left side.” “Yes, because I’ve never sat in a recliner before,” Janus muttered, balancing his weight on his heels so he didn’t slide out of the chair. Note: The cake is a lie metaphor

It's my job to be cleaning up this mess And that's enough reason to go for me It's my job to be better than the rest And that makes a day for me

Janus awoke to the sensation of something poking the underside of his wrist and a deep conviction that it was going to be one of those days. Mild pain in his wrist aside (what was that?), a sticky sense of malaise clung to his skin like saltwater and pressed into him harder than his blankets ever could.

Janus opened his eyes. Remus had evidently tucked him in, because he was under his blankets with his arms crossed over his chest like a corpse. He was still wearing the onesie and his gloves, and his hat rested on the nightstand beside him. Janus examined his right wrist and found that Remus had slipped a folded piece of paper into his glove, the corner of which was poking Janus in the wrist.

Adjusting his pillows as he went, Janus sat up and pulled the paper out of the glove.

There once was a Snake with a fast wit

Who fell for a Side with dad habits

Poor Janus was sprung

And hoped Patton was hung

So they could make love like two rabbits

"I'm going to kill him," Janus said evenly. He kept his wits about him when disposing of this new poem, merely flicking his wrist and sending it up like flash paper. It disappeared in one satisfying flare of white.

Janus nodded once and hauled himself out of bed. He didn't like that he'd fallen asleep in the common room not once, but twice now. It wasn't his style. He was the puppetmaster, the Lord of the Lies, the doorkeeper who dressed like an 1870s oil baron and took his coffee black like his soul. He didn't fall asleep on the couch.

At least it had been Remus to take him to bed. Janus wasn't sure what he'd do if he woke up in Patton's arms.

It didn't matter. Janus could rehabilitate his reputation today while he lounged around until he felt better. First of all, he had to get this accursed parrot onesie off.

As much as it pained him, he changed right back into his usual outfit. The stiff starched cotton was never the most comfortable even on the best of days, but today it chafed irritably against his skin.

He would have preferred a nice set of fleece-lined pajamas, but his fragile pride simply wouldn't let him go out like that. Not when he had already displayed such weakness in front of the others.

He slunk out of his bedroom and down the hallway in stocking feet, walking toe-heel to muffle the sound of his footsteps.

Logan gave him a curt nod from the couch as he passed; Janus tipped his hat in reply.

He passed the dining room table and rounded the corner into the kitchen. He had been aiming for the coffee pot, but stopped short at the sight of Patton seated on the floor with his legs pulled up to his chest and his forehead resting on his knees. It was the same position he had been in the night Janus found him in front of his door, and it made Janus go hot with worry.

Janus stared. Patton's shoulders rose and fell with his breathing, slow and even. He wasn't crying, then. Janus coughed into his fist.

Patton looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. "Oh, hey, Janus," he said like it was the most normal thing in the world for him to curl up on the kitchen floor on the verge of tears.

"Good morning," Janus said, going for the coffee maker for the sake of having something to do with his hands. "Please try to convince me you aren't upset about anything."

"It's nothing," Patton said.

Janus was more than content to leave it at that, since he didn't care about Patton's feelings. He poured ground coffee into the filter and shoved it into place with a little more force than was strictly necessary. His eyes fell on Patton when he turned to fill the coffee pot at the sink. Patton, with his shining eyes and quivering lip.

Fuck.

Janus poured the water from the coffee pot into the reservoir, slid the coffee pot into place, gently pressed the button. He stared at the coffee maker until the first drops fell into the coffee pot, tugging at the fingertips of his gloves. It would be so easy to just turn around and go back to the living room. He could even drop a hint and send Logan in. So why couldn't Janus move?

Oh, he knew why.

He set his jaw and turned around, staring down at Patton. "I'm great at consoling people," he said in a voice that came out wrong, all accusatory and angry.

"You don't have to," Patton said, not meeting his gaze. "It's not your job."

"No, I-- That's not what--" Excellent. Janus just loved getting tongue-tied like some flustered adolescent would-be Romeo. Good thing he wasn't defined by his silver tongue. "Feel free to jump in here."

"I don't want to tell you," Patton said in a low voice. "I don't want to make it your problem."

"Like I won't get it out of you one way or another." Janus sat down and crossed his legs, the better to look Patton in the eye without looming over him. Behind him, the coffee maker hissed and gurgled.

"I miss Roman and Virgil, that's all. I'm worried about them."

"I'm sorry I asked."

It was meant to be a joke, but Patton only looked more anguished. "I'm sorry! It's not your job to-- I don't want to make you feel like I blame you for what happened…"

Janus braced himself. "But…?"

"But nothing," Patton said. "I'm sorry; I know I'm being silly."

Ugh. Janus remembered the stab of guilt that had struck him when he'd realized that he might have hurt Remus. How panicked he felt at the idea that Remus might be angry with him. The fear in knowing that Remus' anger would be justified. A nauseating wave of empathy hit Janus with the force of a speeding semi-truck striking a pixelated frog. "Patton, you don't blame yourself do you?"

"I don't know." Patton's voice nearly cracked. He swallowed hard and looked, beseeching, at Janus. "I'm the one who… You know." He waved a hand, presumably to indicate 'morphed into a giant frog-man and tried to kill Thomas and his friends.'

Janus stood at a crossroads. Telling Patton it wasn't his fault would be tantamount to admitting his own guilt.

And hadn't he pushed Patton to the breaking point? Hadn't he aligned the pieces on the chess board? Hadn't he-- His head spun and his stomach dropped. Hadn't he puppeted Roman on his makeshift stage and cast him aside when he was no longer needed? Hadn't he?

But then again. Hadn't it been worth it? Janus would take all the turmoil of the past few days a thousand times over if it meant Thomas would listen to him . Janus had done what he'd had to do, and it had been a net gain for him.

Janus stood at a crossroads, and he walked straight between them, kicking up dust and rocks beneath his feet.

"It was an accident," he said to Patton. "Sometimes, things just happen and it's nobody's fault."

"I guess," Patton said, though he didn't look all that convinced. "You're probably right. You're usually right. You're really smart, Janus."

Janus waited for the other shoe to drop: some insult about his character or choices, but nothing came. Patton tilted his head. "Thank you," Janus choked.

He stood and wheeled around to face the coffee maker but nearly lost his balance and had to clutch the countertop for support. He would keep it to one cup of coffee today and spend the rest of the day hydrating and, more importantly, not having hard emotional conversations with people who made him want to re-examine his entire moral compass.

Not that Patton made him-- Oh, who was Janus kidding? Janus would walk one thousand miles through the desert on his knees if Patton asked him to.

So long as he could complain about it the whole time.

"I'm waffle-y sorry for being such a downer," Patton said. "Want me to make you breakfast?"

Janus stared at the drip-drip of the coffee as it fell into the pot. "Why do you do that?"

"Why do I do what?"

"Cook. It seems like a lot of work when you could just…" Janus snapped his fingers.

Patton either chose not to point out Janus' hypocrisy in brewing coffee or, more likely, didn't think to mention it. "Well, honestly, I like the work," he said. "It feels personal and… Well, it feels like love ."

Janus swallowed hard. "Oh," was all he could think to say. He stared at his warped reflection in the half-filled coffee pot.

"So," Patton said. "Can I make you breakfast?"

Janus lurched forward, putting more of his weight into his hands where they connected with the edge of the counter, and let his head hang. What was wrong with him? Words circled his head in a whirlwind and evaded all his attempts to string them together into complete thoughts.

“Janus?” Patton prompted. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine ,” Janus snapped, acting on pure instinct.  He turned around and forced himself to look Patton in the eye. “Sorry.” The word felt foreign and uncomfortable in his dry mouth. “Yes, Patton. I would appreciate it very much if you made me breakfast.”

Patton took this behavioral change in stride, perhaps even with a knowing look in his eye. Janus realized with a creeping sense of unease that Virgil had probably been equally skittish when he’d made the move from Dark to Light. But Patton didn’t comment on Janus' disgusting predictability. He only smiled and said, “Great! Do you like blueberry pancakes?”

Janus didn’t, not really, nor was he particularly hungry. Janus said, “Yes” and forced himself to smile.

“Perfect." Patton half-turned away before turning back to Janus. “Oh, yeah! Logan said he had something he wanted to ask you.”

Janus manifested a coffee mug onto the counter (the same black and yellow ouroboros one that Patton had visualized for him) and reached for the coffee pot. “Trying to get rid of me?”

“No!” Patton yelped. “I’d actually really like it if you stayed in here with me. Not that I can’t be alone with my thoughts! Because I can and I’m fine. But you’re still kind of an unknown and that scares me and I’d like to get to know you better-- Oh, gosh, um, not that you scare me! I don’t think you’re scary. Unless you want me to think you’re scary? I know Virgil kind of had a whole complex about that. N-not that I think you and Virgil are necessarily anything alike!”

Someday, Janus was going to let Patton keep going just to see how deep he would dig himself. But today was not that day. Today, Janus wanted to sit down and take care of this exhaustion before it turned into something worse. “Patton, relax.”

“I’m relaxed!” Patton said, his shoulders hiked up nearly to his ears.

“I was just teasing you.”

“I knew that.” Patton flushed and pushed his glasses up. “Forget I said anything, okay?”

“Already forgotten.” Janus smiled, actually smiled to reassure Patton that he wasn’t angry. Because he didn’t want Patton to be scared of him. Pain bored into the back of Janus’ skull like a railroad spike propelled by dynamite. Two aspirin jumped into his hand before he even realized he had summoned then. He swallowed them with a mouthful of piping hot coffee and only just managed not to cough.

“You okay?” Patton asked.

A thousand sarcastic misdirections died on Janus’ lips. “Just a headache.”

Patton nodded.

For a moment, they stared at each other with eyes locked. It was Janus who turned away, covering his face under the pretense of swiping his hair out of his eyes. “I’d better go see what Logan wants.”

He fled the warmth and earnestness of Patton’s presence and the trenchant blade of his own desire. When he reached the living room, he forced himself to calm down and took a seat in one of the recliners that stood perpendicular to the couch so he could face Logan. “You had a question for me?”

Logan vanished the book he was reading before Janus could get a good look at the cover. Damn, that could have provided useful insight into Logan's interests. “More of a request for information, to be perfectly clear," Logan said. "I’m interested in Remus.”

“Well,” Janus said, seizing the opportunity for a bit of fun, “I’m not so sure he feels the same way about you, but I suppose I could make an inquiry.”

Logan kept his face blank but Janus could tell from the way his irises twitched and his cheeks darkened that he had understood the joke and was choosing not to acknowledge it. “I’m sorry; I should have been more clear. What I meant is that I am interested to know more about Remus as an individual. A ‘person,’ if you will.”

“I will.” Logan raised an eyebrow and drew the corners of his mouth down in an expression of tense irritation. “You don’t like being teased,” Janus said out loud.

“I don’t find it conducive to productive conversation, no.”

“Well, far be it from me to want to impede scientific advancement.” Janus touched his fingertips to his chest. “Did you have any specific questions about Remus?”

“Yes.” Logan leaned in, a new spark in his eyes. “I was curious about his behavior last night. He was only interested in staying when he felt that he wasn’t wanted-- When he was considered ‘intrusive.”

“Yes.”

“Is that behavior inherent or learned?”

Janus thought for a moment. Logan didn’t like sarcasm. He didn’t want to be teased. So Janus steeled himself and told the truth. “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you.”

Logan nodded, head bowed in disappointment. “I had feared you might say that. In that case, Janus, I have a favor to ask of you.”

Janus tried not to wince. He was tired. He really wasn’t in the mood to navigate the potential minefield of Remus as a topic of conversation. On the other hand, he could use all the favor he could get for the inevitable moment that Roman and Virgil emerged and protested his newfound position in the Light. Logan could be a strong ally in that conflict. “Oh? Let’s hear it.” He settled back in his chair and stared at Logan over the top of his coffee mug. At least the headache had receded a little, now only flaring up when he turned his head too fast.

“I am more than happy to speak to Remus directly. In fact, I would prefer it. However, last night demonstrated that Remus is unwilling to engage in social situations where his presence is desired. His rapport with you suggested that this may not always be the case. So I drew the tentative conclusion that you may be able to act as liaison between Remus and me until he feels comfortable conversing with me directly, assuming that time does come. If he really doesn’t want to talk to me, I won’t force the matter.”

Janus took what Logan had said and distilled it to its core: “You want me to arrange a meeting between you and Remus.”

“Yes. Please.”

“Anytime soon?”

“Logically speaking, there’s no hurry,” Logan said, his face neutral. Too neutral.

Janus considered this. “You’re excited,” he said, a smile growing on his face. Ugh, he was excited that Logan was excited. Since when did he care about Logan’s personal growth?

Logan swallowed hard, the line of his jaw sharp and tense. “...Yes,” he said finally. “I am excited. And I don’t wish to impose, but I would prefer you spoke to him sooner rather than later.”

Really, what Janus said next was selfish. “I’ll talk to him today.” It was selfish because it was for his own benefit. Really. If he was responsive to Logan’s desires then Logan would view him in a more favorable light and be more likely to defend him against Roman and Virgil when the time came. That was all. Janus didn’t care about the happiness of pawns and puppets.

Yet still his chest filled with inexplicable warmth and light when Logan smiled (yes, smiled) and said, “Thank you, Janus.”

Janus slid a few inches down in the chair, feeling as wrung-out as he did when he used to stay up all night braiding and weaving his influence into Thomas’ thought patterns. “I certainly won’t hold this over your head. Figuratively.” He slid down a few more inches.

“If you want to avoid falling out of the chair, I suggest you put the footrest out,” Logan said. “The handle is on the left side.”

“Yes, because I’ve never sat in a recliner before,” Janus muttered, balancing his weight on his heels so he didn’t slide out of the chair.

Logan stared at him, eyes calculating. “You may do yourself harm if you hold that position for very long. Ergonomically speaking, the best position for optimal back health is reclining.”

“If you’re going to insist…” Janus scooted back up and pulled the handle, holding up his coffee so it didn’t spill as the chair shifted.

Logan tilted his head. “I wasn’t insisting. I gave you information so you could make an informed decision about how you wanted to sit.”

“...Thanks.” Janus took a long drink of coffee, thought for a moment, and manifested a book that he thought might catch Logan’s attention. He made a show of finding his place in it, and sure enough, Logan shifted like he wanted to say something. Janus looked at him over the top of the gilded hardback copy of Thus Spoke Zarathustra; the most audacious thing he could think of in the moment. He had to balance it with one hand, as the other was still holding his coffee mug, and the spine dug painfully into his leg. He looked at Logan and raised his eyebrows in expectation.

Logan shook his head to indicate he had nothing to say. He summoned his own book, the one he had been reading earlier and, with a look of faux innocence that ill-suited him, turned the cover toward Janus just long enough for him to observe that it was an old chemistry textbook before laying it open on his lap.

Janus sniffed and turned the page in Thus Spoke Zarathustra , not at all embarrassed at having been caught out.

--

Breakfast meant facing Patton again, which meant dizzy butterflies in Janus' stomach. At least Logan was there, and his presence helped mitigate whatever sinister magic powers Patton had that made Janus go all warm and soft and giddy in his presence.

Janus cut his pancakes into smaller and smaller pieces and drank orange juice like his life depended on it while Patton and Logan revisited an old argument about whether Thomas should adopt a puppy (or several).

They left Janus out of it, which he appreciated for once. Today, he was more than happy to half-listen and dismember his pancakes. It was easier to eat when Patton wasn’t paying attention to him, anyway; the nervous nausea receded like the tide in the absence of the moon of Patton’s focus.

When Janus had downed his fourth glass of orange juice and realized he was bored, he forced himself to tune into Patton and Logan’s argument so he could find a place to strike and excuse himself. There were other, more aggressive ways to command attention, but he wasn’t in the mood to raise his voice or ‘accidentally’ drop his fork, so he waited with his hands folded in his lap.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, he abandoned propriety and interrupted. “Do you plan to finish anytime soon or do you intend to hold me hostage here all morning?”

“Oh, sorry, champ.” Patton turned to him, eyes wide and beseeching. “We usually all just talk over each other.”

"Oh, please do call me that again."

"You don't like it?"

"No, I love it. Can't you tell?"

"Sorry, Janus." Patton smiled. "Don't worry, though! I'll find a nickname you like."

"Anything's better than 'reptilian rapscallion,' I guess," Janus muttered. "Anyway. I have business to attend to."

"Okay!" Patton said cheerily. "But one of these days it's gonna be your turn to wash the dishes!"

Janus tipped his hat and sank out. They could have that argument another day.

He found Remus in the living room making a Jenga tower out of chicken bones.

"Business or pleasure?" Janus asked, trying not to sway into the coffee table. It was hard to tell with Remus.

"You drunk?" Remus asked, placing another chicken bone on the tower.

"Hammered," Janus said. He perched himself gingerly on the arm of the couch, though what he really wanted was to collapse with his head in Remus' lap. In any case, a little flattery was in order. "I got your limerick."

"And?"

"It was horrifying, thank you. I burned it."

Remus nodded his approval. "So did you miss me or what?"

"I need a favor."

"From me?" Remus puffed out his cheeks. "Who pissed you off? I haven't heard Roman's dulcet declarations from yonder curtain yet."

"I thought we'd moved past Shakespearean sonnets."

"Sorry, Snakespeare." Remus shrugged. "Some habits are hard to break."

"Mmph." Janus rested his elbow on his knee and his forehead in his palm. He just had to finish up here and then he could have the rest of the day off.

"Sooo who do I need to threaten and/or maim?" Remus asked.

Janus squeezed his eyes shut. "Actually, there's no violence involved. It's a real favor, Remus."

"Well, now you have my attention." Remus shifted on the couch, the beads of his shirt rattling. "Are you dying? You have to tell me if you're dying. And let me watch. And dissect your body. And use your skull as a goblet. Ooh, and--"

"I'm tired." Janus lifted his head and came nose-to-nose with Remus, who was peering at him with his eyes opened as wide as they could go. "And I need you to talk to Logan."

"Oh, yeah? Ol' Tight Ass getting on your nerves? Need me to scare him a little?"

Janus pressed his forehead into Remus'. "No."

"Ooh, you're warm."

Janus tugged at his collar. "It's not like I'm wearing layers or anything."

"So why do I have to hang out with All Time Lo?"

Janus usually cloaked his dealings with Remus in a few layers of reverse psychology and the occasional double entendre for good measure. Today, he just said, "Please."

Remus frowned and drew back. "You're sure you're not dying? Pope John Patton III isn't slowly poisoning you, is he?"

"He doesn't have the guts," Janus said. Remus' eyes lit up so he quickly added, "And I don't want to see yours."

"Aww."

"And if you really want to know… Logan wants to talk to you. As a person."

"And what does this have to do with you?"

Janus sighed and finally gave into his desire to flop over onto the couch. He ended up splayed over Remus' lap with his limbs twisted at uncomfortable angles, but couldn't be bothered to right himself. "Logan asked me to ask you because he rightfully guessed that you wouldn't respond to a direct invitation because you have a complex about showing up where you're not wanted unless I'm involved."

"And you said yes because …?"

"You're right, it's not like me at all to want to have something over someone else." No use showing his whole hand unless he absolutely had to.

"Do you like it over there?' Remus asked. "Is it better than…" He waved his hands.

If Janus owed any side honesty, it was Remus. So he sighed and made an effort to speak plainly; no filibusters about the subjective nature of 'better' and 'worse,' no cryptic half-answers. "I want it for you, Remus. It's tense and it's uncomfortable, but this half-acceptance feels more like home than you could ever conceive of from the shadows. It is better. But it won't be enough until you're there, too."

"Jesus, Janus." Remus fake-gagged a few times. "They're turning you into one softboiled snake." But he shifted and gently arranged Janus' head in his lap, placing Janus' hat on his own head. He ran his fingers through Janus' hair and smoothed his bangs out of his face. Like Janus, Remus preferred to disguise his intentions, usually with irony and shock value. They understood each other in that regard. But now, Remus spoke in calmer tones, and lowered his voice. "Hey, Janus?"

"Yes?"

"If you really do have a thing for Patton--"

"I don't--"

"If you did. I really do hope it works out for you. And I know… There's a change involved with crossing over--"

"I won't--"

Remus placed his hand over Janus' mouth. "I just hope it works out for you, that's all. And I'll talk to Logan. Since you asked."

Janus knew better than to lick Remus' hand. Instead, he kissed it.

"Ew!" Remus yanked his hand back and made a show of wiping it off on his pants. "Save your love and affection for the Guilt Trip Tour Guide." He grabbed Janus by the shoulders and sat him up, placing his hat back on his head. "Now where's Logan?"

"You're doing it now?" Janus coated his disappointment in a veneer of skepticism; he could have easily fallen asleep in Remus' lap if Remus had held still for a few minutes longer.

"Might as well rip the Band-Aid off," Remus said. "And a few layers of skin, too. Did you know that your top layer of skin is called the horny layer?"

"Charming," Janus said.

"I aim to please," Remus said. He stood and did a little shimmy.

"Guaranteed to satisfy," Janus agreed.

Remus sank out, leaving Janus alone on the couch. He forced himself to get up before he fell asleep, and walked over to the curtain to listen for a few seconds. There was no sound of screaming, no sound of Remus cackling in fiendish delight, so Janus had to assume that everything was going smoothly.

He sank out and chose to manifest back in the Light Sides' living room. Now he could relax, because he certainly wasn't worried about how Remus' interaction with Logan would go.

"Hi, Janus!" Patton said, springing up from the floor.

If Janus had been startled by this, he would have jumped and gasped, but since he wasn't, he remained still. His heart rattled against his ribcage until he could feel it in his stomach. He took in a breath so deep it made his lungs ache and sat down on the couch. "Patton."

"What are you up to?"

"...Training for the Olympic canoe slalom."

Patton blinked. "So you have time to talk?"

"I suppose…" Janus said, trying to telegraph his irritation without making Patton think that Janus was mad at him. It was a delicate operation, and Janus must have erred too far on the side of caution, because Patton's smile never faltered for a moment. "Great."

He sat down next to Janus, and the inches between their bodies pierced Janus' heart like a deadly insult. But he knew better than anyone that it took more than desire to breach a gap. "I hope I'm not in trouble."

"Of course not!" Patton said. "I'm not-- I mean, I don't think I-- Oh. You're teasing."

"Good of you to notice."

"Um, anyway. I wanted to, um… I wanted…"

"Take your time. I've got all day." Though he played it off as such, the yawn that Janus stifled behind his hand wasn't fake.

"I want to talk about philosophy with you!" Patton said all in one breath.

"Oh," Janus said. He studied the back of one gloved hand. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"We can start small."

"I take it you had something in mind?"

Patton nodded vigorously. "Ends and means."

Janus swallowed. "Well," he said, feeling for all the world like he had just walked into a trap. "By all means, start us off."

"Um," said Patton. "Well. Um." He cleared his throat. "Ah."

"Fascinating. Go on?"

"I'm trying to think of an example that doesn't involve," Patton dropped his voice to a whisper, "murder."

"That's probably a good idea."

"Okay, I don't know, let's say I had this really awesome recipe for strawberry shortcake. And, uh, Logan was trying to make one from scratch for Ro-- For your birthday."

"Mmhm." Janus raised the corners of his lips in what was supposed to be an encouraging smile while he feverishly tried to figure out where Patton was going with this. Preferably before Patton got there, so he could steer the conversation as needed.

"And say Logan was making a real mess of it, and I knew you would be disappointed to receive a not-so-good cake for your birthday. So I go into the kitchen and try to nicely hint that Logan should use my recipe, but he's not having it. Now, I really want you to have a nice birthday cake, so I finally snap and tell Logan that he's no good at baking and he needs to listen to me. And he gets upset and doesn't come to your birthday party, but I make you an awesome strawberry shortcake and you really enjoy it. And all the guests have a wonderful time, even though a few of them really miss Logan and wish he was there."

"Ah, yes," said Janus. "Rousseau's famous strawberry shortcake thought experiment." He rubbed his thumb across his temple a few times. The sooner he helped Patton get to his point, the sooner he could finally relax. "What's the question?"

"Since everybody at the party was happy, including you, the birthday boy, did the ends justify the means?"

Janus squinted, but Patton's face was the very picture of innocence. "It's Logan's fault," he said slowly, "for letting his emotions cloud the bigger picture. If he had just listened to you in the first place , no one would be upset."

"So the ends justified the means because the result was good?"

"Sure. You knew that your plan was the better one."

"So you could say that I was entitled to behave in a way that hurt Logan? Because I knew better than he did?"

"That's what I said," Janus snapped. He took a deep breath through his nose. Patton was behaving with picture-perfect decorum, so Janus had no need to lash out like a cornered animal. "I'm saying Logan shouldn't be hurt. He should think for 3 seconds and realize that he was standing in the way of the greater good."

"But he is hurt," Patton said. "I hurt him. There's no 'should' about it."

"What do you think, then?"

"Obviously I think I should apologize to Logan!" Patton said. "I had no right to hurt him like that."

"So you don't think there's any end result that would have justified those means."

"That's right," Patton said, nodding so hard that his glasses slid to the tip of his nose. "Being mean is a bad means. And maybe someone smarter than me has already said it in better words, but I don't think anyone has the right to hurt another person, no matter what the end goal is. Um, e-especially over something as small as cake."

Janus' first choice of response to this was a new thought experiment involving murder. But that felt a little mean-spirited, even for him and oh, the ends of winning a debate against Patton wouldn't have justified the means of playing dirty to do so. Janus buried his face in his hands. "What if you didn't care about Logan?" he murmured into his gloved palms. Pain pulsed through his head.

"What?" Patton said.

Janus moved his hands so only his mouth was uncovered. "What if you didn't care about Logan? What if you thought he was a pompous ass whose only relevance to you was as an obstacle between you and making a really awesome cake ?"

"My answer hasn't changed," Patton said. "And it's not going to."

"What if you explained yourself and Logan humiliated you in front of everyone ?" Janus used his fingertips to apply pressure to his browbone, but the pain only increased.

"His wrong wouldn't negate my wrong," Patton said gently. He rested his hand on Janus' knee.

Fireworks exploded behind Janus' eyelids. Why did it have to be Patton ? And why did Patton have to be right? He'd even gone to the trouble of presenting his point in Janus' preferred terms, even if his debate skills left something to be desired. "You can go ahead and give me the lecture if you want," Janus mumbled. Shame burned bright and hot inside him and flames danced along the seams of his clothing, pinpricks of irritation on his skin.

"Janus, look at me." Patton's thumb rubbed small circles on Janus' knee.

Janus dropped his hands. The light flashed into his eyes and made him flinch. "Go ahead."

"I don't want to lecture you," Patton said. "I mean, a part of me does. But I realize now that I can't just do that. The only authority I have over you is the authority you want to give me, and I have a feeling that's not much."

Janus scoffed. "You'd be surprised." He looked at Patton's hand and clenched his own into two fists. "I'll… I'll think about apologizing to Roman. I'm getting good at it, these days."

Patton jerked his head up and something seemed to click for him, an unasked question answered. "You apologized to Logan."

Janus nodded, but no happiness touched his heart at the look of approval in Patton's eyes. He just felt shaky and sick and very, very tired. "I didn't mean to, but…"

"You realized you'd hurt him?"

"It helps that he didn't mock me to my face." A particularly intense wave of pain flashed from the base of Janus' skull to his temples and he winced. On impulse, he dug his fingers into the side of his head just beneath the brim of his hat. It didn't help.

"Does your head still hurt?" Patton asked.

Janus nodded. No sense lying now, not about something as petty as this, and especially not now that Patton had a floodlight on him. If Janus was playing 4D chess, he was doing so on the 20 yard line of Patton's football field and he kept. getting. tackled. "It's getting worse."

"Do you usually get headaches like this?"

"No."

"Well," Patton patted Janus' knee and withdrew his hand. "It's been a stressful few days."

Janus blinked, staring at the spot where Patton's hand had been. His thoughts came slow and syrupy.

"Patton?"

"Yeah?"

Janus struggled to keep his eyes open. The gentle honey-toned lights of the living room might as well have been high wattage LEDs beamed straight into his retinas. He blinked away tears. "I'm sorry." Patton gave him a sad smile. Janus continued, brushing away a tear that clung stubbornly to his upper lashes. "I pushed you to your breaking point on purpose. I used you. I-- I tried to push you down for the sake of pulling myself up." Pain flashed through his head and he squeezed his eyes shut against it. "I don't even know if I'm doing this right," he admitted. "I'm sorry I hurt you, but… Hurting you got me what I wanted."

"Hey, kid-- Janus, I think you'd better call it a day," Patton said. There was a nervous edge to his voice that Janus didn't have the mental bandwidth to try to decipher. "Try to sleep off that headache, okay? We can talk about this later."

The pain was so all-consuming, so violent in its demands for Janus' full attention that he wasn't even capable of defending his pride. A vague, hollow shame made its home in his chest. He stood, joints protesting, but Patton stopped him before he could sink out.

"You don't have to go."

Janus nodded and sank back down onto the couch, slowly, so Patton had time to stand up and get out of his way. It made sense. It wasn't like Patton was going to stroke his hair and share his warmth just because Janus wanted it.

Even if he asked.

Patton said something that Janus didn't quite make out before he slipped into unawareness.