#my lifelong obsessions I swear

[dragon-ascent]

When you said 'the brainworms only wiggle for him' in your tags, all I can imagine is noodle dragon Zhongli wiggling haha

Hahah thank you for that visual! My brain is indeed just a bunch of Zhongnoodles wiggling around. :]

[addict-with-a-unicorn]

I never thought that my lifelong obsession with birds would ever coincide with my twenty one pilots obsession, but I almost lost my mind when I first heard Paladin Strait -- because during the pause when the birds start singing, I swear I recognized one.

Most of them are pretty faint and indistinct, but this one sings at least twice, and it's considerably clearer than the rest. It's also a bird I see (and hear, since they're almost constantly singing) in my yard nearly every day, so I know it pretty well, but the biggest reason I'm sure it isn't just an accident?

It's called a Red-Eyed Vireo. And yes, they genuinely have red eyes.

(This picture is from the Cornell Lab's Merlin app, which I highly recommend if you're interested in bird identification at all, but you can also visit their website here if you want to learn more about it or listen to some clips of its song, which is lovely.)

So anyway, trust twenty one pilots to feature the single most twenty-one-pilots-coded bird imaginable in the tiniest detail of a song. It may have been a total accident, but if it was, it was a pretty happy one. ❤️

[just-null]

your yan!noritoshi is so wisnwonwpwjw RAAAHHHH going absolutely feral ... i want him . ive had so many thoughts abt him as like a yandere n then i saw your art n absolutely lost it /pos

IM ALL EARS, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD FUCK OKAY, HOLD ON, I ALSO HAVE SOME RAMBLES AND THOUGHTS ABOUT YANDERE NORITOSHI BUT IM GOING TO PUT THEM UNDER THE CUT.

I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR UNLEASHING MY TJOUGHTS OFFICER. IT WAS MY GLORIOUS CULT MEMBER RIGHT HERE.

MERRY OCTOBER YALL

[disclaimer: im not a writer, but I want to get better. think of this as my practice. it ended up being so fucking long, but i swear it's just rambles, not a fic]

[warning for blood under the cut? keep that in mind for future posts]

OKAY LETS GO.

Bro ok so. if I'm not too delusional (yet) and don’t see him as a yandere, then this guy (Noritoshi) is still a strict fuck. he'd put you on the same level of importance as his clan if not a bit higher. but only by a bit. Your relationship would gradually bloom into something meaningful to him that he’d cherish you wholeheartedly. Only then would you grow in importance to Noritoshi significantly. He'd keep his resolve and all those healthy green flags. Because honestly? Noritoshi is just a green flag, he's so sweet..

But let's twist that into a yandere setting. I don't even need to twist too much, Noritoshi as a yandere is way too fitting.

Noritoshi was abandoned by his mother as a child, thereby fueling his lifelong goals to do as she said and bring her back. He didn't even think on his own accord, nor did he try to find a different way, or even follow her! He accepted his fate and made it his mission to accomplish the goal he was given. Despite the intense pressure of his worth being determined by an ability he was born with and the high expectations from the Kamo clan, he perseveres. That is until [spoilers] Noritoshi is exiled by his clan because of some Kenajku shit. All his hard work and future goals were ripped away from him without a second thought in an instant. Noritoshi was always the second thought time and time again, and now left as a man with nothing but the failure of his desired future.

That wasn't even the yandere part, that was all canon, what the fuck.

Yandere Noritoshi is the type to cling to scraps... He reminds me of an obsessive and protective yandere. obsessive about you because you become his everything.. his goal, his will to keep going, the light at the end of the tunnel. he wants all of you, from the best parts of you to your worst. He's also protective, because he cant handle losing yet another person so important to him. He'd rather tear himself apart than lose you.

He also seems mostly self-aware but can overthink to the point of delusion. For example, you pat him on the back and tell him he did a great job on something. He knows it's nothing to dwell on, but why does he feel like there's more to your words? Should he read in between the lines? but there's only one line! From then on, his mind would reel until he landed on a favorable conclusion. You meant that he was the only one who did great. The others paled in comparison in your eyes therefore you must favor Noritoshi in some way.. right?

Since Noritoshi was pretty deprived of any emotional support, you won't even have to try too hard to get his heart thumping. If you were to give him even just a bit more attention and care than the average person, like making sure he's eating alright or remarking that he's paler than usual after restocking his blood bags, he's hooked. He's self-aware enough to realize his blooming fondness for you is one-sided, so he simply admires you. that is, at the start. Note that Noritoshi is still new to these feelings so he's.. awkward. It's really cute.

Though these moments were cute to you, they slowly became horribly blissful to Noritoshi. Poor you, completely unaware of how you're slowly corrupting him in, what he thinks, is the best way possible just by giving him your attention. He thinks you're the last and only person still believing in him, so much so that everything and everyone else slowly becomes minuscule in the grand seam of things. He feels happy around you, like he matters, like he has someone to trust, like he has someone who won't abandon him. Because of this, he sees you as a new goal. A new hope. Failing you is not an option. Disappointing you is not an option. Hell, even a frown from you is unacceptable in his eyes.

Noritoshi tries to cling to you at this point in his own way... He enjoys it when you speak to him, or even sit next to him, so much so that he seeks you out when you're not there. You'd feel eyes boring holes into the back of your head, a sense of being followed, sometimes seeing your shadow accompanied by another, every time you turn around to be surprised by a familiar face. His footsteps are so quiet that you barely notice Noritoshi walking around.

Unfortunately, due to Noritoshi’s inexperience, the only way he knows how to impress people is by being “perfect” a.k.a. his strict, pain in the ass, annoying heir shtick. He would be the type to get on your case, scold, coddle, nitpick, correct you, and practically look like he's trying to bully you when in reality he's trying to hear praise from you for "helping" you. He’s waiting for you to see the affection and adoration behind his nagging, is he not being obvious enough? oh well, at least your eyes are on him for now. When most people in Noritoshi's life have either put him second or flat-out abandoned him, he's satisfied with anything he can get from you. Though he'd prefer praise, the thought of your attention being given to another even for a second makes his stomach feel like it's tying in knots, so he settles for your annoyed tuts and glares.

Of course, after a while, you'd get tired of this and tell him to knock it off. Or some variation of what a decent human being would do like, “Do whatever you want, but don't meddle in people's business.”

You KNOW he's going to be picking that apart in the middle of the night while looking up at the ceiling. What did you mean by that? Do you mean ANYTHING he wants? As long as he doesn’t bother anyone? Were you talking about yourself and everyone in general? Were you talking about someone specific? Did you leave it up for him to decide? Thoughts and questions circle in his head until he twists your words enough into something that he favors again. Ah, you allow him to do whatever he wants so long as he doesn't get in your way. But he wants to be alongside you... Did you mean in your way to the point of annoyance? Noted. From then on, Noritoshi's strictness softened into light nagging and bearable hovering. He'd knock it off completely through gritted teeth and furrowed brows if you threatened him with the silent treatment. He'll slowly start it up again until you begin ignoring him, only then will he get the hint and relax a bit. only until next time, of course.

The intensity of Noritoshi's coddling can fluctuate depending on your actions. (recklessness, obedience, shyness, etc.) it's his love language.

It's a completely different story if someone else decides to nag you as Noritoshi does... If someone scolds you, Noritoshi's on the offense. He's known for his occasional bluntness and sassy remarks, but this time... He's contradicting himself all in an attempt to get the other person to back away. If the one scolding you brings up points Noritoshi used in the past, he firmly denies them all and stands by your side. He'd rather sound hypocritical than let someone else care for you the way he does. Noritoshi stands in front of you, almost guarding you with his body and begins his barrage of deflective comments through his clenched jaw such as “That's not your place to say” “Shut it, they did no wrong.” “You don't know the reason why they did so, leave them alone.” and other things similar to that. Jeez, take your advice Noritoshi.. He’d argue and become antagonistic towards someone scolding you, even if it's exactly what he was about to do.

The same goes for someone who tries to be gentle with you to a lesser degree. It's nice that people see how wonderful you are, but having your smiles and kind words directed at anyone else other than Noritoshi is... Upsetting. The resentment gradually pools in the pit of his stomach and suddenly finds himself impulsively moving towards you and this "friend." He stands in between you and the kind person, trying his best to conceal his sneers. He wants nothing more than to have the third party get swallowed up by the ground or hit by a car, but he keeps his composure. Noritoshi sternly states how he’ll handle everything from then on and gives the third party a glare that's much more hateful than usual… Finally! Noritoshi has you to himself again! All is right in the world once more...

Noritoshi has always been on a very tight rope... Any wrong step and it’s going to snap. The more Noritoshi gets attached to you, the easier it is to convince himself that it's okay to cross certain lines to make sure you're safe with him. Even if that line he’s crossing, includes murder. It'd happen quicker if he caught feelings after the whole incident with the Kamo clan. You'd be the only thing he has left, the only thing he'd cling onto with every fiber of his being, emotionally and sometimes physically.

And like every fairy tale, a problem unconventionally shows itself much to Noritoshi's dismay... Noritoshi is shown to be prideful at times. Because of this, he'd try to conceal his more embarrassing emotions and reactions towards you. He wants to be seen as someone strong you can rely on, a steady pillar to your stability, someone who will do anything you wish at the drop of a hat, but it’s almost impossible to execute when he feels like he's nothing but putty in your hands at the slightest sign of positive reciprocation.

If Noritoshi felt his face heating up because your laugh caught him off guard, he'd turn his head to hide how that simple action made him nearly melt into mush. If your hand brushed against his, he'd quickly swipe it away. Not because he doesn't want to touch you, but because you'd feel how shaky and sweaty his palms got with just a graze. Noritoshi's gaze always lingers on his bow if you ever touch it causing his aim to decline in accuracy significantly.

He mentally curses himself out every time he pulls away from you because he knows he's sending mixed signals. Noritoshi loves you endlessly, but please spare his fragile heart. Your presence overwhelms him like no other, and he's utterly conflicted on how to act. He can handle being by your side like he wants, but the second your 100% focus is on him and only him, he’ll start to squirm under your gaze. Noritoshi wants to impress you! Stop being so mesmerizing for just a second so he can gather his thoughts and not embarrass himself! A-ah, but don't look away!!!

Tl;dr Noritoshi as a yandere is needy and petty as hell, but will explode if he gets an ounce of affection! He’s also! A creepy hopeless romantic who sends you mixed signals!

[spirk-trek]

idk if you would be into this BUT! i read your ask about tumblr archeology and i simply have to contribute this fic.

called observations, accessible here https://anon-j-anon.livejournal.com/30674.html, it’s essentially a book (i think like 200k words lol) written in 2009 that puts the AOS characters in the TOS deep space mission. a lot of the episodes are rewritten with their new counterparts— city on the edge of forever, arena, operation: annihilate!, what are little girls made of, so many more. it’s narrated by spock (his “observations” serving under jim) and definitely is a spirk fic, but i cannot emphasize enough how well it is written. contains math, philosophy, art discussions, and just has AMAZING characterizations into all of the cast (not just jim and spock but added depth into characters like chekov and chapel).

in my book it’s one of those “fandom foundational texts” but since it’s posted to livejournal, not ao3, i fear it’s kinda died off! but it is SUCH a good work i’m considering my duty as a star trek fan to spread it around. figured i would share it with you since you seemed interested in fandom revival!

hello friend! i've been working through this since you sent it and WOW. i can't believe the author saw star trek '09, went home, cracked their knuckles, and chose to write an ENTIRE K/S NOVEL. every day i'm blessed to have chosen star trek as my lifelong hyperfixation because i am treated SO WELL by other creators. thanks to them and thanks to you for sharing ♥

anyway. thoughts!

this fic is in such a unique format (first officer logs, spock's first person POV). i'll be honest that it takes some getting used to but i recommend giving it a shot! it really works with the story being told. like, really works.

for the sake of warning my fellow TOS and jim obsessed freaks, this is 110% AOS kirk. what i mean is that, personally, i don't tend to enjoy the hard, angry version of jim that's always watching his back and on edge... so if you're like me, this fic might make you wince a little at first. there's swearing and defensiveness right off the bat that i do not associate with the beloved version of james t kirk who lives inside my soul.... BUT.

but but but! i have still enjoyed what i've read so far! i think that really speaks to how thorough and simply enjoyable the writing is. jim is not out of character for AOS- in fact, he's incredibly in character and well written.

i can't express how much it means to me that you dropped this into my inbox! i never ever would have found it otherwise and although it might take me a while, i'm looking forward to finishing it in it's entirety :)

here is the direct link if anyone would like to check it out!!!

[legendary-guest]

Thinking about how Monkey Fist and DNAmy got to where they got to in the show. Special thanks to @danglovely's post about the subject for helping connect the dots and turning the gears in my head. More than a professional relationship, as stated. Here's my take. It's long!

The step to alter Monty Fiske's hands and feet was years in the making. Searching for someone who would do something so experimental and insane took a lot of time, all the while hiding his growing obsession and madness from the public and academic colleagues alike. When he finally found Amy, it was a huge relief, and he was overcome with so much joy, with genuine appreciation.

Amy, recently exiled from the scientific community, was greatly flattered by Monty's sheer enthusiasm and willingness to be altered. He knew exactly what he wanted and was so knowledgeable about primates. In fact, he knew a lot about her and her research. Really, it was more of a collaboration. No one at the scientific institutes ever wanted to collaborate with Amy, on her projects and fields of expertise. O, Lord Fiske….

Amy calls the procedure radical genetic mutation in the episode Partners. Aspects of fanon think it's surgery. Just wanted to address this here before continuing. The infamous hobbling scene from the movie Misery (spoilers + grievous, non-bloody violence, if that matters) is how I imagine the preparation for this 'procedure' went. Monty is conscious, he wants to be awake for every step of the transformation, to really feel it, experience it, to remember it. He fairly yells Amy's praises as she does this. (Yes, I would love to think she says, "God, I love you." just as Annie does in the movie. Unaware that she has even said it, perhaps. He doesn't hear it over his screaming).

You know what, Monty might even be the one yelling "I love you!" - that's way funnier. Yes, let's keep that. Yes, you are right to think this is analogous to another activity, dear reader.

Surgery, genetic mutation, whatever happens, he's lucid for it and endures it very well. Amy takes care of him, dotes on him. He's such a good patient, so polite. Always saying please and thank you. He never swears, not even when he's in immense pain. A real, proper gentleman. O, and the way he looks at her with his striking blue eyes and his heavy, British (simian?) brow giving him this air of mystery. Smiling at her all the time, talking about how grateful and happy he is, how she is fulfilling his lifelong dream. The poor woman is about to faint herself! His British accent and eloquence don't help either!

They continue to get to know each other during his recovery. Amy has him do basic physical tests and exercises to get used to his new appendages. She continues to be impressed by his knowledge of primate anatomy. They practically finish each other's sentences on the matter. A lot of bashful turning away and tender smiles between them.

Amy feels comfortable enough to share her Cuddle Buddy collection with him. She's somewhere between shy and enthusiastic when introducing him to it. He's said all these nice things, to her, about her, and he's so educated and goes on so many grand adventures. Her collecting hobby, her passion, seems silly in comparison.

Let's throw this in here - I reckon he holds her hand with his monkey hand. That's sweet. He smiles at her.

Monty calls one of her Cuddle Buddies cute. Amy knows she's in-love with him now. She also knows the way he looks at her isn't just politeness for politeness' sake…

Lord Fiske is utterly elated, on Cloud Nine the entire time he's staying with Amy. Her cooking is good, her abode is well-kept, she is hospitable, she's intelligent and interested in what he has to say and knows so much herself. It's…comfortable, here. Though, he knows, this is all just the icing on the cake. The first step to his ultimate goal has been made. He allows himself to enjoy it wholly, savour it.

Finally, they part, exchanging good-byes. It's a little sad, they've both enjoyed their time together (for different, or perhaps, not all that different, reasons).

Ever the gentleman, Lord Fiske takes one of Amy's hands in his (simian) one, and kisses it gently. A proper good-bye. Amy is stunned. He takes his leave with a smile and a nod.

Amy cannot stop thinking about him. At all. Even when that really handsome teacher came around, with that gangly teen and his pet naked mole rat. And then Kimmie! Ugh, her lab…well. At least she has Monty to think about.

She still can't stop thinking about him when that cute (and charming) Dr. Drakken (though, not a doctor, he is very intelligent, he's definitely been to college, at least) comes along and asks to collaborate. O, he's so sweet. He thinks she can't see him smile when she's not looking directly at him. He should smile more often! Though, that green lady, his not girlfriend, seems to enjoy hovering around him a lot…. When he gets down on one knee and looks the most vulnerable and smitten she's seen him in their short time together, she knows what she must do. He handled it better than she thought he would, even when he screamed his sidekick's name (not girlfriend) as if he were in mortal danger.

Monkey Fist finds his thoughts straying from his destiny, every now and again. Back to Amy Hall. Back to her home. Back to the dinners they shared. Holding her hand, so small in his now…. It wouldn't hurt to incorporate her into some of his ritual praying. No, not at all. And why not? After all, she'd helped him in such a big way! He could have never become Monkey Fist without her. What a curious thing to think about. He finds himself burning a lot of incense and reverently holding her picture (which he printed off of the official Cuddle Buddy Fan Club website; professionally, of course) over the months.

Unable to bear being apart from the one she loves, and who she knows loves her, too, Amy makes contact with him. Probably whilst Monkey Fist is in the middle of some plan, so she is sure to catch him at a terrible time. She didn't call, she didn't send a letter, or even an e-mail, she just showed up.

Monkey Fist doesn't know what to think when she starts blathering on about how much she has missed him (well, it's not like he didn't also - NO, NO HE DIDN'T MISS HER!), and about monkeys, and the surgery, and Cuddle Buddies, and true love - true love? She can't be serious….

"O, Monty!" she cries, before flinging herself into his arms, holding him tight (was she always this strong? She did help him about, but this was ridiculous!), causing him to stumble back. Heck, maybe they even fall to the ground, her on top of him. (Thank you, romance tropes. Hope someone enjoys this).

He doesn't have time for this! He shoves her off, maybe a little more harshly than he intended, but she doesn't seem to be put off by it. In fact, she just keeps smiling at him, and batting her eyelashes! What's gotten into her? She didn't act anything like this when he was staying with her!

More of this nonsense occurs, I reckon. She's even found him in weird places, like in the middle of Cambodia. She's just…there. How did she KNOW? How did she FIND HIM?

She finally tells him, maybe the third time she 'meets' him, that she was sure that he loved her. Why, he even screamed at the top of his lungs that he loved her! Monkey Fist is stunned. No. That didn't happen.

He gets all uppity, maybe even red in the face (blushing. Amy is delighted, she's never seen this side of him before!). That wasn't what he was really thinking, or feeling, for that matter! It was just a side effect of whatever she drugged him up with!

She just continues to smile at him. He starts feeling unease, real unease. She tells him, knowingly, a little coyly, that she didn't give him any medicine for the procedure. He specifically requested no pain killers, or drugs, of any kind. She repeats to him, verbatim, what he'd told her about wanting to experience the entirety of the operation, even its ugliest moments.

Well, Montgomery, you've really done it now, haven't you? Told an incredibly intelligent, persistent, obsessive, and frankly, insane woman you loved her as she was shattering your joints. You wonder how you got yourself into this mess. O, right. Ultimate Monkey Master. Maybe Bates had a point. Or your mother. Okay, not her, but maybe Bates.

And that's that! That's how we get to Gorilla Fist!

[adamantineheart]

it's genuinely so wild seeing how a character's interpretation in fandom can be so affected by what someone ships. sometimes it's whatever, sometimes i cringe, but i swear with felix it's like... oh man if you don't think he's in love with dimitri i'm probably not going to enjoy whatever you have to say about him jsdkljfklj

i say this really genuinely because some of the best felix meta i've seen wasn't like "dimilix my 1 and only" but still acknowledged felix is in love with dimitri in some capacity. his character doesn't make sense without this angle and is prone to wild misinterpretations. he obviously has a deep love for sylvain and ingrid as well, but it's almost like they're the contrast and calibration for what he feels for dimitri. it DOES have an extra layer of something to it. each of these relationships do, but to different results.

with ingrid it's easily the most familial and fittingly despite their ending (and i feel like most endings should be disregarded because heteronormativity really wins out in fe3h [tho not so much in few3h]) they have the most platonic supports from these four, even counting sylvain & dimitri because at the very least you can argue dimitri's disinterest in women and annoyance with sylvain's womanizing can have a gay!dimitri slant. like. it's something. ingrid and felix are just 100% platonic. ingrid is supposed to be his sister-in-law and glenn being dead can't erase that this is the foundation of their relationship.

with sylvain, the dynamic is "odd" from felix's side and I suppose it's supposed to evoke their childhood. from's sylvain's side, it absolutely does. he brings up seeing felix as a younger brother in both games and likes to tease him. whether felix sees him as an older brother is debatable but i would say no because he already had one in glenn and he really idealized the kind of person glenn was while with sylvain he feels a lot of exasperation. the love there is more embarrassing for felix than anything else because sylvain is such an irritating person but felix does appreciate him and is protective of him.

dimitri though—dimitri brings out all the emotional breakdowns from felix. makes him forgive things that are a lot more heinous than being a serial cheater. they're tied together from the moment felix is born—before that even. felix rejects him for changing. for not being the boy of his childhood. yet, yet—felix is always waiting for dimitri to return to the right path. he thinks about dimitri obsessively and is obviously concerned for his well being. if dimitri dies his grief consumes him, even on AM. even on AM! his only happy route and he still will be fucked up by dimitri dying of old age. and this is just fe3h. few3h is just an entire parade of all the ways felix loves dimitri, including people (essentially) pointing it out. it's one thing to ignore it (i guess) but denying it is as ridiculous as denying dedue loves dimitri. felix loves dimitri just as much! i won't say more because this isn't a competition, just that it's as fundamental to his character as with dedue and is also a lifelong thing (truly—from birth to death). i think the denial people sometimes have is especially grating because his love of dimitri when they were children and then as they grow older is very set in stone. no tsundere decoding needed.

anyway,

dmlx make the brain go brrrrrr

[gracebriarwoodwrites]

9, 30, 32, 45?

9.) what is your favorite environmental season? why?

I love fall! It is a really dramatic season where I live. The trees change color so vibrantly, the air changes, and it is the perfect time to take a walk. I swear the sky gets bluer. I feel the most like myself in fall.

30.) favorite mythological creature? and why?

Dragons! They capture my imagination and they are a lifelong obsession. As a kid I desperately wanted to befriend a dragon. Some things don't change.

32.) favorite piece of memorabilia you own?

I am overthinking the importance of every single thing I own, send help!

I am going to go with the "historical value" definition of memorabilia just to simplify things for myself and say the strawberry lace collar I got at the antiques store. It was cheap, since it had a few snags, but it is gorgeous handmade lace that is over a hundred years old, and it is very cool to see the craft that went into making it.

45.) an instrument you aspire to learn how to play?

Viola! I played violin for 5 years as a kid, but never got very good at it. I was sensitive to the higher pitched notes, so I hated to practice. I tried again as an adult and it turns out I still have a hard time with the high end of a violin's range. A viola has a lower range, so I'm hoping it works better for me.

When things did go right, the violin was an absolute joy to play, and I'm hoping I can recapture that magic and get it right this time.

[valentineforlemonandcherry]

Foxtail & Wolfsbane 39

Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.

[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.

Note: Part 39 does not contain any smut.

*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!

☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾

A loud gasp escaped you. Your eyes flew open. You were finally awake.

You had been unexpectedly retrieved from the in-between universe. The known world once more swam in front of your eyes. You slowly took in the ceiling above you.

Where am I? What happened to me?

Sirius, Remus, and Tonks were still stacked up against the far wall, all squeezing each other’s hands tightly as they waited for you to fully come to.

“Welcome back to the world of the living, you silly girl.”

Upon hearing that most unexpected voice, you turned your head and blinked at – “Severus?” 

“It took quite a strong Potion to bring you back. Your conscious mind is astonishingly weak.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Trying to save you from your foolish ways.”

“I’m still alive?”

Rather wryly, Severus replied, “That would be correct.” 

“I thought I’d died,” you murmured. 

Delivering expert sarcasm, Severus responded, “If it makes you feel any better, you were unconscious for two months, so I’d say you were close to your goal.”

You inhaled sharply in surprise. “Two months!?” You suddenly sat up. Your head spun dizzily, but you ignored the unsettling sensation. “Wait, if it’s been two months, does that mean that the full moon happened already?”

“Twice, I think,” Severus replied. “By definition.”

“Remus!” you blurted out. “I need to check in on Remus!” 

Remus could no longer hold back. He leapt forward, breaking Sirius and Tonk’s grasps on him.

You gasped when Remus appeared, seemingly out of thin air. He grabbed your shoulders harshly.

Shocked by how hard he was holding you, Tonks called out, “She just woke up! Be gentle!”   

Remus ignored her and growled at you, “What did you do?”

“Remus!” you gasped. “So you’re – Something’s happened? Wait, did it work?”  

Remus stared at you. “Did what work?” he croaked out, in a hoarse voice. He was testing you and praying madly that you wouldn’t have the right answer. 

But you did. In a small, uncertain voice, you confirmed, “You stayed human this full moon, right?”

Remus’ eyes widened. Then, he collapsed into the chair next to your bed. “I knew it,” he whispered brokenly, hiding his face in his hands. “It was you.”

“Remus,” Sirius interrupted, “you need to pull yourself together.”

“Yeah,” Tonks said softly. “C’mon, let’s get out of here for now.” She and Sirius led Remus out of the room. 

You looked back at Severus, who was still standing grimly by your bedside. “That was quite a scene,” Severus said wryly. “So, the werewolf does have emotions, after all.”

You looked up at him curiously. His dry tone suggested that he was not at all shocked by the conversation that he had just heard. “You already knew that Remus was a werewolf?”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “Since our school days.”

“Really?”

“The Headmaster made me swear to keep it secret.” Severus sighed. “Besides, that fool Lupin asked me to keep it a secret from you. He said it couldn’t be helped if everyone else in the staff knew, but not you.”

“Oh.” You looked down at your hands. That was when you saw the empty Potion bottles strewn across the bedroom floor. “The antidote to the Draught of Living Death…”

Severus raised an eyebrow at you, impressed. “You recognized it.”

“Of course. After spending ten years with you, I picked up a thing or two about Potions,” you said. “But, Severus, why did you come here? How did you know I needed your help?”

“You always need my help,” he replied snarkily. “Ten years together and the years apart since have done nothing to change that fact.”

You gave him a rueful smile.

Severus sighed. He sat at the edge of your bed. “I overheard from Madam Pomfrey that you were in a state, and that she couldn’t wake you up.”

“I see.”

Severus hesitated, He made an odd motion, reaching up to brush his hand over his chest. Finally, he admitted, “Well, truth be told, that wasn’t all. There was something else that tipped me off.”

You glanced up at him. “What do you mean?”

“I felt it. I felt the Fox’s light disappearing,” Severus murmured. He seemed almost entranced, as if he didn’t believe his own words. He pressed his hand over his chest. “I felt a subtle warmth dim and fade away within my soul… A loss of power, one might say.”

You stared at him quizzically.

Severus revealed, “Your Fox gave me the ability - or permission, I should say - to cast a Patronus Charm. She helped me find the energy and memories I needed. However, these past few days, I’ve had to relearn the Patronus Charm. I felt cold and empty again, as if there was a dementor slowly growing in my soul.” He looked at you. “That Fox of yours – Is she gone, even for you?”

You slowly nodded. “I think so.”

However, even as you replied to Severus, you weren’t sure of your answer. If Remus was no longer a werewolf, then shouldn’t you be dead? After all, wasn’t that the deal you made with the Nine-Tailed Fox? And there was no way that the deals of the term had been broken. The Nine-Tailed Fox was far too strong of a creature for you to overcome her will and cheat her out of the deal in any way. So, what had happened to her? And to you? 

“You’re a foolish little thing,” Severus said, as he watched you thinking away. “Never understanding the situations you put yourself in.”

You gave him a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry, Severus. I know how much you hate having to help me.”

At this, Severus gave a snort. “At least you know. Well, I’m off.”  

“Already? At least stay for some tea.”

“What? And bicker with Black and have Molly Weasley talk my ear off? No, thank you.” Severus stood up. With a single flourish of his wand, he gathered all of his Potions materials into a magical pouch. You watched him attach his magical pouch to the inside of his robe. The pouch reminded you of Rowan. 

“You will be prone to cold fits for some time, so be on your guard,” Severus warned you. “Don’t make me come here again. I already see the werewolf’s hideous face enough.”

Cocking your head to the side, you asked Severus curiously, “You don’t find Remus handsome?”

Wearing an expression of utter disgust, Severus walked out of the room.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You slowly and carefully showered, ate, stretched, and then went back to bed. You were honestly still in a state of shock. How is it that I’m still alive? 

I didn’t just imagine everything, did I? You turned over in your bed, only to spot the foxtail keychain resting atop the bedside table.

No, it really happened, you realized. Still, something felt deeply wrong. I feel like I’m missing something.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

The next morning, you got up and shuffled down to the kitchen, where Molly was making breakfast.

“Molly?” you said. 

“Yes, dearie? How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, thank you. But I meant to ask you – Where’s my wand?”

“Your wand? I’m afraid I don’t know anything about that.”

Later that morning, you asked Sirius as well. But Sirius had the same answer as Molly did. You searched all over for your wand, but you never found it. Exhausted, you fell back into your bed around mid-afternoon. That was when Remus came to check in on you. 

You were napping lightly when Remus came in. He quietly pulled up a chair beside your bed. Sitting next to you, he reached over and carefully placed his hand on your forehead, to check your temperature. 

At his touch, your eyes softly fluttered awake. Remus’ eyes met yours. He spoke quietly, “I’m sorry I woke you. Your temperature’s fine now.” With that, he got back up and made to leave. 

“Wait,” you called, rather hoarsely. “Don’t go so fast.”

Remus paused at the doorway. 

You pushed yourself to sit upright in bed. “Remus, I don’t understand why you’re angry with me. If you don’t transform into a werewolf anymore, shouldn’t you be - ?”

“You gave something up, didn’t you?” Remus interrupted. His face was half-hidden in shadow. In a low, knowing tone, he murmured, “What foolish trade did you make on my behalf?”

This was the first time you’d ever had Remus truly angry at you. Unable to feign indifference, you whispered, in a small voice, “I thought you’d be happy. Why aren’t you happy?”

When Remus didn’t respond, you shifted uncomfortably and murmured, “I only meant to help.” 

At this, Remus violently shook his head. “I told you before that it’s not your responsibility to help me. Yet, you still - Godric - ” He breathed out harshly. “Everything you do… is unforgivable. The way you live your life - Have you no sense of self-preservation? What does it matter whether I’m a werewolf or not? I didn’t even tell you. I don’t - I don’t deserve your help. How many times - ?” He cut off, before he whispered in a choked voice, “I can’t pay you back. I can never bring you the same happiness.”

You stared at Remus’ back, outlined by the doorway. “I… never asked you to pay me back. And didn’t you - didn’t you save my family?”

Remus paused. You saw the way his shoulders tensed as he said, “You know about that?”

You got up from the bed and came to Remus, wanting to see his face. As you walked over to him, you told him, “Yes, you saved my mother and brother, when I wasn’t even around. You nearly lost your life because of it, too. You didn’t tell me, but I heard.

As you came before Remus, your voice became a soft mumble, as you tried to tie everything together and present an argument as to why Remus shouldn’t be angry with you now. “So, I hardly think you can lecture me on self-preservation because you’re… you’re just as bad as me, I think.”

Remus blinked at you, not following your thread of logic at all and yet, completely overwhelmed by the relationship he had with you. The two of you were basically strangers now, so why did this - this intense link persist between the two of you? Why were you both so willing to give up your lives for the other? 

It makes no sense, Remus thought, to have Lovely’s fate tied to mine… When she’s so much brighter and bolder than I am… When she’s free-spirited and adventurous and I’m… tired and anxious and pessimistic.

You don’t have to be that way, though, a voice whispered in the back of Remus’ mind. If you’re no longer a werewolf, can’t you simply be a man for her now? 

Remus swallowed hard. “But it’s true that you asked the Nine-Tailed Fox to take away my werewolf condition. Is that right?”

You nodded. 

“And what did you give her in return?” Remus asked shrewdly. 

You hesitated. I shouldn’t say that I was supposed to die. He’ll only get angry again. 

But Remus had already caught on. He ground his teeth together as he whispered fervently, “If you dare say ‘your life,’ I will never forgive you.”

“I…” Your heart was pounding. Is Remus truly angry with me? I’ve never seen him so out of sorts. Did I make the wrong wish? I only wanted him to be safe and happy.

For there, standing before you, even after all of these years, was Remus Lupin, as you always envisioned him: with his haggard, anxious face; his tortured eyes; his hands curled up in his overly-long and patched-together robes, and with that annoying curl on his forehead. And yet, he seemed so tortured and so angry at you. You couldn’t understand why.

Remus. You began to open your mouth. You weren’t even sure what you wanted to say, perhaps just his name, but – 

Remus’ eyes flashed. Angrily, he said, “You did. You traded exactly that. And that’s why you were surprised when you woke up. Damn it. God damn it.” 

You bit down on your lower lip and stared at Remus nervously. You and Remus looked at each other, both terribly haunted by your love for one another.

In his head, Remus was thinking desperately to himself: If life gave me just you, I’d accept you as my angel. If life gave me the curse of being a werewolf, I’d deal with it as best as I could - I was dealing with it the best I could. But what am I supposed to do when life gives me both an angel and a curse? Am I supposed to allow the angel to corrupt herself to heal me or am I supposed to protect the angel from the werewolf? My heart says the latter, so I’ve put up a shield to save you, but you keep finding ways around my shield.  

A long, tense moment passed. Finally, Remus sighed and muttered, “You should get back into bed. Don’t let me keep you out here in the cold.” With that, he walked past you and left the room. 

Out in the hallway, you heard Tonks’ voice sound out. “Remus, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

“Have you had lunch yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“Me neither. Do you want to come down to the kitchen with me? I can make us something. Not necessarily something tasty, mind you, but something.”

Remus laughed lightly. “An irresistible offer. All right. Let’s go down. I can help with the cooking.”

“No, no,” Tonks replied, mock-seriously. “I may be a terrible cook, but it’s very important to me to cook badly. I can’t have you interfering with that.”

Remus laughed again, more heartily this time. He said affectionately, “All right. I’ll just watch you then, Dora. I wouldn’t mind that, either.”

You stood by the half-open doorway, leaning lightly against the frame. Your heart felt that familiar, old ache pass through its fragile walls. But there was no accompanying coldness, no sleek voice telling you how silly you were being, no flickering of tails brushing up against your soul… The Nine-Tailed Fox… She’s truly gone.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You found that you couldn’t go back to bed. You felt too restless, too disoriented. Instead, you went through the day doing little chores here and there to get yourself moving again. It wasn’t until late at night, when you were going back up to your bedroom, that you passed the hallway leading into the attic where everything had happened.

You felt very apprehensive about entering the attic again, but you slowly approached it anyways. The door creaked open and you looked inside. Everything had been cleaned up and repaired and the room looked exactly as it had before you’d ever set foot in it.

Staring into that room, however, you remembered the last time you had seen your wand.

Oh my God…

You started to shiver all over, as a terrible realization hit.

Just then, soft footsteps sounded out behind you. You turned to see Remus standing at the foot of the stairs. Frowning as he peered up the stairway, Remus began to call out, “Who’s up - ? Oh.”

And then - Remus saw your expression: your scared, tearful expression. Dropping any veneer of coldness or anger, Remus rushed up the stairs to you as fast as he could. In an urgent, protective voice, he pressed, “What is it? What’s wrong? Why do you look so scared?” 

How could I have missed it? That part of me that feels like it’s missing…

“Remus,” you whispered, in a terrified voice, “where – where is Artemis?”

For the last time you remembered your wand was when you saw it in a certain fox’s nibbling little mouth. And now, the wand was gone, and so was… 

Remus’ eyes met yours, and both of your mouths fell open. Artemis had not been seen since the explosion in the attic. 

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You tried to hide how upset you were about Artemis being gone. You kept telling everyone that you were fine. In truth, you were desperate to find her. You desperately ran all over Grimmauld Place, ripping open cabinets and sticking your head in fireplaces and even pulling up rugs. In your mad search, you ended up discovering the window that led to the pipe running down the outside of the house (which was the same escape that Sirius always used). Once you discovered that escape, every night, in the dead of night, you scampered down and went searching for Artemis. 

You visited every place you could think of: your mother’s apartment, Hagrid’s Hut at Hogwarts, even your old apartment from when you dated Remus, nearby bus stops and parks… Until, finally, one night, it began to rain. Your feet slowly dragged to a stop. You had just finished searching the twentieth park when it hit you. Artemis is really… gone. 

You started to cry. You didn’t want to cry, but you simply couldn’t understand. You had set everything up so that only you would pay the price – so why did other people keep getting hurt? First Rowan, now Artemis… Even Remus was angry at you and not at all happy, the way you thought he would be.

A Muggle police car drove by. It woke you up enough that you walked back to Grimmauld Place, but by the time you got back, you were soaked and you were a wreck. 

You simply entered through the front door, no longer caring if anyone knew about how desperate you were. Because it didn’t matter. No matter how desperate you were, Artemis was gone. 

When you opened the door, Sirius’ mother’s portrait began screaming. Remus and Bill, who happened to be on guard that night, leapt to their feet. 

Remus heard your sobs, and he immediately recognized that it was you. He raced to the doorway as fast as he could. Bill followed, but he stopped to silence the portrait, and Remus got to you first. 

“What in the world - ?” Remus began weakly, as he took in how sopping wet you were. 

Seeing Remus, you tried to pull yourself together, even though it was already far too late. “S-Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake everyone u-up.”

“You didn’t. Bill and I were already on guard,” Remus told you. “But what were you doing, out in the rain?”

You gestured meaninglessly. “I was… I was just searching.”

Seeing your desolate state and your worn-out sneakers, Remus suddenly realized exactly what you had been up to. “Oh, Lovely…” 

You bit your lower lip. “R-Remus…” 

Remus stepped forward. He pulled you into his arms. “I’m sorry, Lovely. I’m sorry.” 

You burst into tears. “She’s really gone!” 

Remus stroked your hair and he shushed you gently. He held you tight, feeling your misery with you. “She must have wanted to protect you,” he whispered to you. Even in your sadness, you could feel that Remus was speaking of his own emotions too, as he held you.

You hugged Remus tighter. “She wasn’t s’psed to do that. She – She was mine to protect. She shouldn’t have - ”

“I know,” Remus murmured back. “But I think she took after her master – headstrong, willful, and always thinking of ways to save people, even when they’re not hers to save.” 

Remus drew back a little, and you lifted your head to look up at him. 

“What…?” you whispered quietly. 

Remus shook his head, but he gently traced your lips with his thumb. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but he paused and merely said, “Never mind. Let’s get you out of these wet clothes. You’ve just started to recover, after all.” 

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

The next morning, you sat glumly at the breakfast table with Sirius, Remus, Molly, Arthur, and Bill when, all of a sudden, Tonks came skidding into the kitchen. Her hair flashed an alarming orange a few times as she shouted, “Wotcher! I heard back from my Patronus – that is, I heard back from Scamander.”

You paused. “Rowan? I didn’t realize that you sent a Patronus to him.”

“Sirius had me do it when you were sick,” Tonks explained hastily. “You’re fine now, but my Patronus had a bit of trouble tracking him down and anyways – here’s what he said: He said that he’s doing okay and that he went back and got all his creatures. He also said to tell you that when he went back to – er – wherever he got all his creatures back from, there seemed to be new creatures there - Whoa!” 

You were gone already, having blown past Tonks and raced outside. 

“My, she must have been a real handful to raise,” Arthur said cheerfully, while spreading butter on his toast. “I’ll have to ask her mother how she did it.”

Molly shot a look at her husband. “You would already know how if you weren’t so soft with Fred and George and left me to play the stern one all the time, Arthur.”

“Yes, yes,” Arthur murmured hurriedly, suddenly regretting bringing up this topic at all.

Meanwhile, Remus was fidgeting in his seat. He picked up the butter dish and then put it down without using any of the butter. Then, he picked up his knife as if to slice off some butter, only he stuck the knife in the jam instead. He traded the butter for the jam, which still had the knife stuck in it – 

“For Merlin’s sake, Moony,” Sirius finally burst out, exasperated. “Go!” 

“What?” 

“I’ve said it before – Go after your fox!” Sirius said impatiently. 

Remus stared at Sirius. 

Sirius urged yet again, “Go! Go!”

Remus leapt up and he raced out of the kitchen, sprinting after you. 

Tonks came and sat down in Remus’ seat. She fell back against the chair with a long sigh. “Shucks,” she murmured.

“Sorry, Tonks,” Sirius said. 

Tonks gave him a small smile. “Ah, well, can’t be helped, I suppose. I did give it my best shot.”

Hearing this, Molly suddenly choked. “Did you – Nymphadora, did you have your eye on Remus?”

Bill shook his head. “Mum, don’t - ”

“It’s fine,” Tonks said airily. “Yes, I did have my eye on him. Both eyes, in fact. I asked for Mad-Eye to keep his magical eye on him, too, in fact. But Mad-Eye refused. Said he didn’t much feel like looking at Remus’ boxers all the time.”  She flippantly reached for a piece of toast and shoved it in her mouth as she remarked, “Ah, well, who knows? Maybe in another universe, we end up married…”

Arthur looked over at Tonks. “Do you mean to say that Mad-Eye is always looking through all of our clothes?” 

“I don’t know about all the time,” Tonks replied. “But I can tell you that he has a lot to say when it comes to the pecking order of the men in the Order - ”

“Nymphadora!” Molly shrieked. 

By now, Sirius and Bill had both doubled over in laughter. 

Tonks shot Molly a wink. “By the size of their feet, Molly.”

“Oh... Oh...” Molly breathed out. She put her hand to her bosom.

As Tonks finished off the piece of toast, she requested to the room at large, “By the way, could you please not mention to Mad-Eye that I’ve told you all this joke? He told me last time that he would turn me into a horned toad if he ever heard me telling this joke again, and I really think he meant it. After all, he turned that Malfoy kid into a ferret.”

“Secret’s safe with me,” Sirius chortled. 

“Me too,” Bill said warmly, and he smiled fondly at Tonks. 

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Remus had never run so fast in his life. But it would all be worth it – if he could just catch you. 

You were quite fast, though. Remus thought he saw you zigzagging through the crowd at the train station, but he couldn’t be sure. There was so much mayhem, what with tourists pointing this way and that, people pulling luggage all over the place at perfect tripping height, and kids shouting and running at every chance they got. While running, Remus tripped over a suitcase that someone was pulling and then tripped over a cat that panicked, scampered up his side, and scratched at his face while yowling hideously. 

The owner came by and ripped her cat off of Remus’ face while apologizing profusely. Only, by the time Remus was back among the living, you were nowhere to be seen.

“All aboard! All aboard!” the conductor called loudly on the train in front of him. 

Damn! Did Lovely get on this train, or that one…? Remus frantically looked all over for you, but you were nowhere to be seen. 

Meanwhile, the train behind Remus whistled. He whirled around. 

Fifty-fifty chance, Remus thought. He jumped aboard the train that was about to take off - the one behind him. 

Once on, he immediately began to search for you, tripping through the compartments in the hopes of catching you. 

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     * 

An hour later, Remus was sitting defeatedly on the train, heading to who-knows-where… and he still hadn’t found you.

Got on the wrong train, Remus acknowledged. He sighed and hung his head. I can’t get anything right with her, can I?  

Ever since I’ve met her, I’ve only wanted to let her know how much I care for her and I’ve never, ever been able to do that. 

Remus slumped over. But as he did, he thought, She didn’t give up on me, though. And I can make her promises now - promises of life and love that I’ve held onto my whole life. I can’t give up now. Not when she’s given me my humanity not once, but twice.

Remus closed his eyes. Think. Where could Lovely be going? Where is she headed towards?

As the train kept going, Remus, with his eyes closed, slowly began to drift off. Between the slow, nervous realization that he was no longer a werewolf (a hypothesis that he could only test once a month and a truth he wanted so badly that he was scared to believe in it) and the unbearable waiting for you to wake up, Remus had become absolutely exhausted. For every hour that you had slept, Remus hadn’t.

As Remus began to nod off, his mind became filled with memories of you, memories that the back of his mind replayed ever time he caught so much as a glimpse of you or something that reminded him of you:

After a long, weary day of classes (or else a frantic, ambitious day of pranks), Remus would come up to your little attic-space. There you’d be – furrowed brow, sucking on the end of a quill, wearing your Ravenclaw tie that constantly got in your way, crossing and recrossing your ankles so that your untied shoelaces would dangle in the air, and surrounded by ancient scrolls and vague maps to places that didn’t exist anymore.

Every time Remus saw you like that, it was all he could do to keep from tumbling right into you. Because, more than anything, he wanted to nestle up against you, so closely that neither of you could tell who’s breath was whose. Yes, sharing warmth and comfort with you after a long day - that’s where he wanted to be.

Only, scared to disturb you, Remus would carefully make his way over to you. You’d look up at him and you’d give him a smile, but Remus could always see that deep weariness in your eyes.

I know that tiredness, he’d think, as he helplessly smiled back. But you’re all right now, Lovely. You’re safe with me.

As you gazed up at him, Remus would see you take in his shabby state – with his new scars and old clothes… Then, Remus would see you decide not to make anything of it. Instead, you’d give him an even brighter smile and open your arms, as if asking him for a hug. However, Remus knew – you didn’t really need a hug; rather, you saw that he needed one from you, so you would, in your ever generous way, ask for one yourself.

As Remus finally came over to you and the two of you warmly enveloped each other in your arms, Remus would let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding. He was safe with you, too – safer than he ever thought he could be in this cold, lonely world. That was what it meant to belong to each other, Remus realized. It meant to recognize each other for your souls’ struggles and to miraculously find a strange, barely tangible, yet inherently affirmative warmth in the quiet, unspoken act of entangling your messy souls together.  

Eventually, and much to Remus’ dismay, the two of you would untangle yourselves. Remus would settle back and pretend to do his homework, but it was always very slow going, as he’d much rather look at you, lying there on the floor with your legs crossed in the air, scribbling this and that, ruffling through the maps, your many, many maps…

Every time you’d make a discovery, you’d share it with him, too. You’d crow out excitedly, “Look, Remus! I’ve done it. It finally lines up! These maps are exactly the same. It’s just that this mythological forest of the olden days goes by a different name now!”

Remus hadn’t really paid any attention to the map, but he did remember you telling him about an ancient Japanese forest that now went by a modern name…

Remus’ eyes flashed open. I know where Lovely is. It’s just a matter of finding out how to get there.

Remus got off at the next stop. It didn’t matter where he was. He asked a local for directions to the nearest public library. When he went in, he went to the front desk and quietly showed the librarian his wand. The librarian smiled and nodded. Remus slipped around the front desk and headed for the grandfather clock – which he walked right through and into the Wizarding library. For all Muggle libraries have a corresponding Wizarding library nestled within them, and only the librarian knows of such secrets.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You knew very well that you were risking your life by leaping into the mythical world all alone. Still, you chose to rush into it anyways because your heart was beating madly, your mind was racing, and your entire body was trembling. You were taken up by the feverish anticipation that Artemis might be alive, somehow and somewhere, and so long as there was even a ghost of that possibility, you wouldn’t be able to rest until you’d chased that hope down to its jubilant or devastating end.

You knew it was complete foolishness and a small part of your mind wondered why you were still like this: headstrong and foolish. Haven’t you learnt your lesson from the Nine-Tailed Fox? you berated yourself. You don’t go chasing blindly after promises and illusions…

You argued against yourself, But what meaning does the real world have for me, after all, when my dignity is tied to the mythical world? That’s why I felt no shame in dying when the Nine-Tailed Fox reached her nine hundredth birthday – her existence and her realm mean more to my soul than anything in the real world does.

You fell into the mythical world – and right into a huge snowbank. You scampered up at once, pushing your hair impatiently out of the way. However, as your hand swept over your forehead and cleared your vision, you found yourself staring at the most amazing sight.

The mythical realm was no longer simply an eternal ice world. Rather, the world was split into four sections. You could see clearly: there was summer, with all of its thunderstorms and bright yellow sun; autumn, with its immense variety of foliage spreading all across the faraway mountains and its shimmering, copper stars against a fading golden sky; spring, with its pale white and pink blossoms littering even the slenderest of branches and a small white sun that nonetheless emitted more than thirty interlocking haloes, imitating the soft dandelions that waved happily in the light breezes that swept through the meadows; and winter with sapphiric moons outlined against the endless crystal whiteness and uncertain but resilient little doves hopping about in the soft snow, leaving tiny footprints that led to quiet dreams.

Your mouth fell open in astonishment. It took you a long moment to drink in such paradoxical scenic beauty. You realized that winter was still the motherland of the world; it took up the largest section by itself. You smiled, for winter reigned even more beautifully in light of the contrast of the other seasons.

How did this happen? you wondered. I thought the requirement for preserving the mythical world was to create a time capsule. By that definition, shouldn’t time be still here? How can there be change?

Hm, you mused. Perhaps that’s why I’m seeing all four seasons simultaneously. Instead of changing through the year, the mythical world holds all change at once, preserving its promise of eternity. Still, that doesn’t explain how this amazing change came to be…

Well, you decided, even if the mystery remains, my purpose remains the same: I have to find my fox.

While you had been admiring the view, you had been sinking into the snowy hill and your foot had gotten stuck deep in the snow. Now, you reached down and made to pull your foot out. You half-succeeded – before you tumbled forward. You rolled all the way down the hill aways, shouting and sputtering out snow. Finally, you ended up eagle-spread at the bottom of the hill. You stared dizzily at the sky, which was split between the four seasons. Once again, you were distracted by how phenomenal it looked.

No, Artemis, you’re here to find Art, you reminded yourself. You started to sit up when suddenly, a bright flash of golden light seemed to split the world in two. You ducked instinctively, throwing yourself back into the snowy ground and tossing your arms up over your head.

What was that light? you thought, on your guard. I don’t even have my wand with me.

All was silent… except for a harried huffing and puffing sound. You cautiously lifted your head, only to see – “Remus!?” You couldn’t believe it. Only, there he was – Remus John Lupin. You understood that the bright light must have come from Remus entering the mythical world through that golden slit in the forest on the other side.  

Remus was in quite a state. He was breathing very, very hard and with parchment spilling out of his many pockets. His shabby cloak was torn at the shoulder and barely holding itself together. That soft, annoying curl that was always on his forehead was drenched with sweat.  

You stood up. Not realizing that your hair and face were covered with snowflakes, you said, in a soft, trembling voice that reached him nonetheless, “Remus? Is that really you? You’re here?”

Remus straightened up. He was standing all the way at the top of the hill – and it occurred to you that his silhouette was framed with white and pink flowers – but he seemed to hear your voice clear as a bell. Likewise, when Remus spoke, it was in such a soft, tired voice, and yet, you heard him so well when he murmured, “Yes… It’s me.” He meant to say more, but his voice got caught in his throat and he had to swallow. In his head, he continued, I’ve come for you, Lovely. I know you’re looking for Artemis. I know you’re not waiting for me. But I’m here and I’d like to help you, however I can.

Even hearing Remus say, “Yes, it’s me,” your heart skipped a beat. That tired voice… His voice… How I loved the way he murmured to me when he came to me after a long day at school and rested his head against my shoulder… And later, when we would wake up in bed together and he’d put his arm around me and murmur tiredly in my ear…

A soft, wintery wind blew through the space between the two of you. The hollow has come home… Who would have thought?

You blinked. That voice! Nine-Tailed Fox!

Oh no, you won’t catch me anymore. I’m merely a figment of your imagination.

Sounds exactly like what a Nine-Tailed Fox would say to throw me off her path, you thought suspiciously.

A soft, delighted laugh sounded out – ringing out as glass bells might. True, true. Oh, but child, don’t be distracted now. You’ve got to welcome your soul back now – and you mustn’t let go. Do you hear me? You must not let go of your one and only soul.

My one and only soul…?

A flurry of silver tails flashed before your eyes – or was it merely the golden glint of the sun, reflecting off of the ice?

Nine-Tailed Fox? you whispered in your mind.

Another bright peal of melodic laughter sounded out, but quickly faded… until once again, all you could hear was the winter wind…

You blinked, as you were left there, standing in the snow. Was that all a hallucination? You looked back up the hill. There’s Remus. But wait, why is he here? How did he even know how to enter this realm? I wonder, is he a hallucination of mine?

You shivered, as a frightful doubt began to take root in your mind. What if all of this is just a hallucination? What if I actually never woke up? What if…? What if I truly died?

You stared up at the figure of Remus, standing coldly at the top of the snowy hill. Come closer. Come down here, please, you whispered fervently in your mind. I need to know that this is all real.  

But the figure of Remus did not move. It stolidly remained where it was, as still as a marble chess piece. It looked down at you, as though it were about to pass judgment on you. 

You swallowed hard. In your mind, you kept praying, Come down here, Remus. Please. Come towards me. Please... 

And you waited. You waited for Remus to take a step towards you. You waited for the hollow to come home. 

[deepdarkdelights]

okay so massive scenario..

atg!mc had developed a serious fear of being in love and cheated on after watching her father repeat the same actions on her mother for her entire life; gets caught cheating, begs for forgiveness, swears to never do it again, her mother takes him back only for him to cheat once again. so when she actually feel in love with jimin, the thought of her lifelong best friend coming up to her with “proof” of jimin being in a romantic, intimate with one of his coworkers, she immediately believes it. confronts jimin about it and refuses to believe his innocence no matter how much he begs her to believe him. knowing he’s turn her in, she stays but with a few rules. he isn’t allowed to sleep with her on their bed, no more hugs and kisses, she doesn’t even want him to speak to her. this leads to jimin crying every night on the couch o the point he will literally puke on himself from all the crying. if he would try to hug her or hold her hand she weird roughly push him or slap his hand away hard. begging her daily to believe him, which she refuses. this goes on for a few months until mcs found out by her best friend boyfriend, her friend had lied about everything. the texts and pictures were all edited. everything. all because the best friend had wanted jimin since they were all in high school and hated mc for having his full attention. finding this out, mc rushed home to see jimin in the couch sitting straight up, playing with his hands, silently crying while big tears rush down his face. she instantly drops to her knees jn front of him, wrapping her arms around his waist, sobbing of ho me sorry she was. she begged him to forgive her, to not ever leave her, pleading that she would do anything for him to give her another chance. she had put him through hell for months, never believing a word from him, being absolutely ruthless towards him.

would jimin take her back instantly just being happy she finally loves him again or after the time he had to think about everything, the distrust, the meanness, the hatred.. would that actually be the last straw for him?

Oooooooh the angst! This was also so incredibly sad, like picturing Jimin like that just hurts me deep in my soul 😭

But, as crazy as this sounds, he would take her back. He is just so completely obsessed with her and craves her love so deeply that he would take her back in an instant. He wants her love and her love only. I think he would bring it up every now and then just to remind her of how loyal he was despite the way she treated him. And while that would make the MC feel bad he's also right, she would realize how incredibly loyal Jimin is.

Also, I am so sorry I made you wait so long for a reply! You have been in my inbox waiting for a while now! But, this was fun to read so thank you for sending this to me, I hope you still get to see this response 💜

[bizarrescribblez]

FELLOW LUIGI KISSER 💖💖 PLS LEMME KNOW ALL ABOUT UR S/I WHEN YOU HAVE ONE 🥺 @rexscanonwife

AAAAAAAA HI JANE HIIIIII AND YES 😭😭😭💚💜 I was already so obsessed with him the moment C.harlie D.ay was said to be playing him (as a lifelong luigi lover I WAS OVER THE MOON.) and THEN IT GOT WORSE WHEN HE WAS FINALLY SHOWN IN TRAILERS AND OFC ITS WORSE AGAIN NOW THAT IVE SEEN THE MOVIE. That’s my silly schmoopy…

ALSO YOURE SO SWEET??? 🥹🥹💜💜 YOUR S/I IS SO COOL I SWEAR IM SO O__O how do I draw mine so cool… BUT ITS STILL A HUGE WIP BUT MY S/I IS THE PRINCESS OF MUDA KINGDOM 😭 so you best believe she’s sea/galaxy themed!! I imagine she comes to the mushroom kingdom immediately in fear of bowser destroying her kingdom (and the precious sea life in it) and bumps into Mario and Toad on her way there!! I imagine she ends up getting caught during this one specific part of the movie and that’s how she meets Luigi and it’s love at first sight (in bowser jail 😆)!!

[greaterstokesawareness]

Stokes Song Spotlight: “This Nearly Was Mine”

this third song spotlight is brought to you by a teenage Lindsey Buckingham obsession and a lifelong curiosity about the everything of it all (✦ ‿ ✦)

I spend a ton of time just coming across a song I really like and finding every single version of it and just like studying for however long I feel like it. This is how I carried the song "This Nearly Was Mine" in my soul for years and this is how I discovered Brian Stokes Mitchell. I first heard "This Nearly Was Mine" in the year of our lord Fleetwood Mac reunion 1997, I was 13 years old and I thought Lindsey Buckingham was just the coolest, weirdest guitar player and performer ever. He was out there on MTV just shaking his entire upper body to get the right vibration of the song. It was the kind of performance that gets you to devote your entire remaining existence to an artist, and that's what I started to do and how I found the masterpiece that is his 1992 Out of the Cradle album. The whole thing is no skips for me and it ends with an instrumental version of "This Nearly Was Mine" that runs into the last track "Say We'll Meet Again" which is really dreamlike and these two tracks are inseparable in my mind; when I think of one I think of the other to this day.

A few years later when I got around to studying movie musicals (just in a nerdy way and not like officially, wait can you do that officially I should really look into that) and I finally watched South Pacific, I heard "This Nearly Was Mine" again and just lost it, I knew this song. It's a really funny feeling that I chase constantly, to find references to things I love in other things I love. Anyway, that's the first time I ever heard the words to it and I fell in love some more. And I don't even know how to explain why I love it, it's not like it's some autobiographical story or that I particularly identify with lost love or anything like that, it just hits me in the center of my chest every time I hear it.

“This Nearly Was Mine” is the 11 o’clock number from the 1949 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical South Pacific. There’s also a grand-scale 1958 movie musical version. Don’t get me started on movie musicals and their weird tendency to cast dramatic actors and then dub their singing voices. I have thoughts. The song is performed by the male lead Emile de Becque in a climactic moment of sadness and desperation. He eventually signs up for a suicide mission because his love has rejected him (Emile, sir, you still have two children, respectfully wtf).

My nerdy journey that led me to discover Stokes’s version one dark February in the middle of Covid lockdown times goes like this: Christopher Plummer died so I rewatched The Sound of Music for like a week straight, then because I was enjoying Bill Lee’s voice (dubbed for Plummer) I rewatched South Pacific (he dubs John Kerr’s voice), [also Rossano Brazzi you are very pretty, but lip-syncing is not your strong suit] then the nerd journey took me to a YouTube search of all the performances of “This Nearly Was Mine” Philip Quast you are a star ⭐️ And that’s how I found Brian Stokes Mitchell singing the song and the rest is nerd history.

The other wonderful thing about Stokes singing this particular song is that when he sings it in concert he turns off his microphone and creeps to the edge of the stage to sing it out to the last row like they used to do before the technology for personal microphones became a thing in theater. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing Stokes sing this song three times and all three of those times I was in the front row. And I swear to you with all the might of my nerdy heart and soul it is one of the most special experiences of all time every time ♥️

Links:

Stokes performance of the song at the Carnegie Hall South Pacific concert, 2006 (x)

My video of Stokes singing the song at 54 Below, 2022 (x)

Song facts, playlists, and lyrics from the Rodgers and Hammerstein official site (x)

Lindsey Buckingham’s instrumental version from Out of the Cradle, 1992 (x) (x) and a live version of “TNWM” paired with the mournful “Street of Dreams” from the same album (x)

[ntriani]

OQM Playlist: Life during quarantine #20

With a new Life during quarantine playlist, Nick Triani focuses on football post-lockdown and the fortunes of his beloved Tottenham Hotspur

Very Spursy The day after Bayern Munich put Barcelona to the sword and ended the era of the superhero footballer, it feels like a great time to reflect not only on football in these Covid-19 times, but more specifically my own team Tottenham Hotspur. Anyone who knows me understands my obsession with football and Spurs. My partner commented recently that I was much nicer at home during lockdown without football and that once the Premier League resumed in July, my mood occasionally erred toward the darker, edgier side of things. It’s true, the fortunes of my chosen team has a profound effect on me and the never ending 2019/20 season has been especially tumultuous for Spurs supporters in general. Yesterday, Amazon released the full trailer for All or Nothing: Tottenham Hotspur, a forthcoming warts and all behind the scenes TV series that looks at the football club over the last 12 months. And what a period that has been in the club’s history. Merely 12 months ago Spurs played in their first Champions League final, a pinnacle for the club on the world stage and for me as a lifelong supporter. Of course, in typical fashion, despite the heroics to reach the final, Spurs were very tepid in a drab match and lost to a great (but not great on the night ) Liverpoolteam.

Everything is broken In his five and a half years at the club former coach Mauricio Pochettino had transformed Tottenham from an occasionally sparkling team to a contender that played a modern version of the football association with a youthful and skillful squad. Our biggest rivals ARSEnal football club were looking jaded after years of domination over us.  Plus Poch, as he became affectionately  known  by the fans, as well as being a prime team motivator, was a little sexy and showed real emotionwhich endeared him to us even more.

At the beginning of the 2019/20 season, after years of overachieving results with relatively small means, the results went North and our best coach of the modern era went North too. Enter stage left one of the most divisive football coaches of the modern era (and also one of the most successful in football history); José Mourinho. The former special one (nowadays dubbed the toxic one and much despised by the football community at large), initially brought pragmatic football followed by injury hit football and then, once football returned, a mostly successful counter attacking football which gives some hope for next season (only four weeks away people.)

I don’t mind José. Yes, he most certainly is a wind-up merchant, and if a pundit calls him a proven winner again, I swear I’ll…But he’s also an appalling human being masquerading as a slice of post-modern entertainment (which makes him fascinating in a way). The football he coaches can certainly be depressing and negative (shit on a stick), but that overused description of Mourinho being a star, works. He is rarely dull in conversation and doesn’t play the good guy. He’s the anti-Jürgen Klopp, the Dark Prince of football who lacks scruples and even some kind of heart (but still has lots of heart). Compared to the wet soggy abandoned dishcloth of Barcelona coach Quique Setién, Mourinho is electric. I’ll take him whilst he lasts.

Help me if you can But here is the rub: despite the precautions taken with a deadly pandemic involved and my own personal selfish joy at watching 22 grown men kicking a ball around an empty stadium, football’s restart post-lockdown does smack of the general contentious greed that afflicts society right now. The human race has gradually come round to thinking we can live with the pandemic and fuck the consequences. Capitalism is winning the safety argument and I wonder what world we’re leaving behind for my young children. Environmental concerns seem to be eternally on the backburner whilst we work out a way to abide by the virus and just live. Football, in its acquiescence to supply ‘entertainment’ to pander to nostalgic pangs of normality, doesn’t need to worry about losing its soul (that was lost decades ago). The rest of us who follow our multi-million teams are the ones I’m worried about. At what time do I start to feel disgusted by all this?

[twinhood-2dot0]

The Love Of My Life, Video Games

Good morning Alex, I’ve talked about 2 of the things I’m most passionate about already, so today I’m gonna delve into the biggest one of them all, video games. Video games are my favourite form of art. It’s the perfect culmination of art, story, music and interactivity. You know what they say, “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but is oftentimes better than a master of one.” I live by this quote tbh. 

My earliest memory of video games is when I was 7 or so, playing Plants Vs Zombies with my best friend. It sparked a lifelong obsession with video games. Now, the name is kinda silly, but this game revolutionised the Tower Defense genre. It’s extremely fun and addicting and has spawned several other sequels. Then I went on to discover Flash games. What are Flash games? Well, there used to be a thing made by Adobe, the Flash Player, which helped in displaying multimedia on a web browser. It was the standard for video games back then. It has been deprecated in favour of modern web technologies, but it has a special place in the hearts of internet kids.

Android Games

Back in the early 2010s, when mobile game developers had passion, business was booming. Classics like Angry Birds, Cut The Rope, Clash of Clans, Temple Run were all made in this era.

I’m sure everyone and their grandparents and their great-grandparents know these games. All of them have sadly fallen into the microtransaction trap or died out (microtransactions, if you don’t know, is the practice of letting players buy in-game currencies or cosmetics, modern games have become more cash grabs than actual games with passion behind them). Nevertheless, they defined my childhood and were the gateway for me to actual games.

Pokemon

The premise of Pokemon is simple. Catch Pokemon (short for Pocket Monsters), make them fight other Pokemon (swear this is not slavery or dogfighting), make relationships, maybe save the world (as a 10 yo might I add, while surrounded by capable adults.) Funny story, I remember crying when I accidentally released my Grovyle thinking release meant releasing it as in having it walk alongside you like Pikachu, not as in bye bye release.

This is Grovyle. You can see why I cried.

Pokemon Red, Gold, and Emerald (yes, I know, ancient games, I’m not a grandma, I just didn’t have a console or know how to emulate consoles back then) were some of the first games I played on PC, because they were available online. Since then, I’ve played pretty much every Pokemon game released with a few exceptions because Pokemon releases two versions of the same game with minor differences (yes, emulated, I’m not buying a 10 year old end of life console that is resold with a huge markup and the original creators are making no money out of it, sue me (Okay, if you’re a Nintendo employee, I know you love suing people, so please don’t take me seriously. Please)). I think Pokemon was the beginning of my obsession with knowing literally everything about a franchise.

Minecraft

The first game I ever bought is Minecraft. I’ve loved watching Minecraft videos on YouTube and playing minecraft knockoffs for a long time before I bought it. My dad bought it for me as a reward for winning 4/8 chess games in the State Championship lol. It’s a sandbox game created by Hatsune Miku (actually, by Markus Persson, or Notch, but he turned out to be a transphobe so we just collectively retconned his existence). It’s a pretty simple game, it’s all about creativity. You can build pretty much everything, people have made actual computers in Minecraft, or, if you like Survival, there’s also a survival mode where the technical endpoint being killing the dragon in the aptly named The End dimension. This doesn’t necessarily have to be the endpoint as you can do whatever you want.

Undertale

Ah, my favourite game ever. This is the game that inspired me to become a game developer. Undertale is an RPG game created in its entirety by Toby Fox, you can see why that inspired 10 yo me. Also, I hate my 10 yo self, she watched HECKING YOUTUBE VIDEOS OF GAMEPLAY. I’ll never forgive her for not letting me experience the game by myself, I swore after this (and one other game I’ll talk about) to never even touch anything pertaining to any media I might potentially interact with ever in my life with a 10 foot pole. I don’t even watch trailers for DC movies, like what, what could the trailer possibly spoil that I haven’t read before in a comic??? I won’t talk much about Undertale as I want you to experience what I couldn’t, but it has a very emotional story that’s made grown adults cry, fun gameplay mechanics, easter eggs literally everywhere, leitmotifs in the music, awesome lore, a lesbian couple who are goals and 6 dogs.

Subnautica

Subnautica is the first PC game I bought. This is the other game I spoke about that made me avoid spoilers like the plague. I regret not being able to experience the terror that this game inflicts, although, it was still plenty scary, would have been scarier had I not known everything about every creature. Subnautica is an underwater exploration game set on a crater on planet 4546B. As someone who loves speculative biology, I was impressed by the thought put into every creature's biology.

The rest of my favourite games

I went on to buy, uh, um, exactly 3 other games, being um, the three Batman: Arkham games. These are very well made games with an awesome story and, pardon the cliche, make you feel like the Batman, addicting gameplay, (believe me, I have a collective 200 hours, and I’ve owned them for a year. Most of the other games I’ve played I’ve gotten on Epic Games for free, yes I’m such a cheapskate I get every game that goes free on Epic Games.

The Tomb Raider series is one famous for creating Lara Croft, probably the most influential female character in video games. I’ve only played the first two games of the Survivor Rebooted trilogy sadly, I wish sometime in the future I’ll get to play the Windows 95 era games.

Alien: Isolation is a game set between the first two movies in the Alien franchise. I watched the movies just so I could play the game, then because I’m a scaredy cat I only played until the alien appeared 💀. The game seems fun tho.

Surviving Mars is a “city” building simulation game. It’s set on Mars, obviously. It’s a very fun game, managing resources, keeping colonizers colonists alive. I suck tho so my colonists keep dying :P

Okay, Alex, that’s it from me this week, sorry it was a little rushed, I forgor 💀, I’ll see you on Thursday

[oldscythe]

i am so blown away at how great your writing and the story is for your twiyor fic. ive read a good number of identity reveals for twiyor and the aftermath of yours is the most..realistic to me?? i feel like its just way more emotionally charged, complicated, and angsty the way they’re navigating things. i feel like i can feel their pain and the uncomfortableness and the tension is just perfect. so many fics are like “wow thats crazy lets kiss and make up and keep it a secret” and they move on and its just not as satisfying as your fic getting into the nitty gritty of it all! we need the hard part!! the drama!! the ‘will they wont they’!!! you write sooo wonderfully it feels like i’m reading a real novel!! top 3 twiyor fics 100%!!!!! i see u started the fic in july of last year 🥲 not to rush u or anything, but i really can’t wait to see what u do with the story, the characters, etc 🫡 i’m very eager for more 🍽 i can go on more of a tangent but i’ll be here forever… pls never stop writing 🙏

thank you so much, this means a lot to me 🥹!!! one of the reasons why i decided to start writing the fic in the first place was because most of the reveal fics i attempted to read sped through or even just entirely glossed over the amount of pain and shock loid and yor would feel in the actual manga, especially with the way both of them would have to grapple with their semi-lifelong commitment to their agencies versus their love for each other and anya. like you pointed out, it’s less so “oh you’re a skilled assassin/a notorious spy? wild! anyway, what’s for dinner?” and more “this person that i have come to know and love deeply has been lying to me the whole time, and not only am i hurt but i’m also conflicted because i will always love them and at the same time this complicates who i swear allegiance to.” & i don’t mean to ramble atp but the reason i selected lines from otis by louise glück as the fic’s epigraph is because i also obsess over the whole “who am i really?” crisis that could come with the two of them challenging their loyalty to their jobs (which is essentially their whole base identity) in the name of love and family and true happiness.

i promise i’ll do my best to update frequently this year, i planned on releasing the latest chapter in like november but college got in the way 😭 but i still have big things planned, specifically regarding anya and project apple and the desmonds! ty again for your lovely words 💗

[tetsunormous]

Reencounters

pairing: Matsukawa Issei x f!reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers, smut (18+), fluff

word count: 6.5K

warnings: cunnilingus, fingering, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, creampie, swearing, nipple play, pinning

A/N: This is for Ria's @bakugohoex's rich boy collab 💜 Congrat's on 3k!! thank you to @ohno-otome and @armins-futon for reading this for me. I love matsukawa but I don't write for him often so this has been really fun :)

Walking into your new dorm room, you weren’t sure what to expect. Sure, you’ve seen the pictures online, but there’s nothing like the slightly dusty window letting in a hazy ray of light shining down onto the slight dip in the middle of the mattress you now call your own. Your desk almost touched the corner of your twin-sized bed, and your new bookshelf barely has enough room to fit half of the books you brought, but this was your new life. It didn’t dawn on you just how different university would be until you arrived this morning, but here you were, unpacking all your clothes into the cramped closet in the corner. Luckily, you’re in the building where you had a single room. Privacy was something you were worried about, and the communal washrooms will be something to get used to, but either way, this was a new start, and no matter how nervous you are, you’re grateful for it.

High school wasn’t terrible, but it definitely wasn’t what you expected it to be. Going into it, you obviously knew that it would be nothing like how the movies depicted, but you were excited. How bad could those four years really be if you had your best friend right by your side? He was incredible. He understood you better than anybody else, would be able to tell how you were feeling without the exchange of words, but most of all, he was your person, and you were his.

There was no doubting that in all your years of friendship.

But alas, like all good things in life, they must come to an end.

The summer going into the twelfth grade, he was longer your best friend. The boy that would go to the farmers market with you and your mom every other Sunday was now lining up for the newest sneaker drop. The boy that would rather spend the night at home and binge-watch your shared comfort show for the seventh time is now out with the boys sneaking into shisha bars and doing donuts in the community centre parking lots with their new cars. You watched as he slowly forgot about you, getting caught up in his new friendships and obsessing over material items that he never cared about before. It’s not that you were upset he found new friends. It’s that the only time he would reach out was to randomly drop off something he had bought you in hopes it would make up for him blowing you off again.

They started small, simple sweaters he knew you would like, but the gifts became almost ridiculous as time passed. He would never let you return them either, so now you have designer shoes for imaginary banquets. Of course, you were always grateful, but you would trade all his gifts just to spend time with him again. His family has always been wealthy, they always went on lavish vacations and drove the nicest cars, but you never really cared about what he spends his money on or just how much his parents make. You cared that he saw you as a person he wanted to be with rather than just someone he could shove gifts towards to make up for the quality time he’d miss.

But now you’re here. You were arriving three hours before the suggested move-in time because you didn’t want to be rushed to unpack before orientation starts later. You’ve seen a few people walking around on your floor, but neither of your neighbours have arrived, and honestly, you don’t mind because that means you’re able to blast your music without worry. As The 1975 fills your room, you stand still for a second, really taking in where you are. You’re now attending one of the best schools in the country, living on your own with a floor of people you don’t know yet. It starts to sink in that you are starting anew. The people who end up in the rooms next to you might just end up being your lifelong friends. As the song comes to an end, you decide it’s time to try to make yourself look a little more presentable since it’s almost time for people to start rolling in.

...

It’s almost five in the afternoon, and everyone on your floor is meeting outside on the field for a quick introduction before group dinner. You’re sitting with your knees pressed to your chest as the girl next to you tries to make small talk. To be fair, she’s incredibly sweet, but you can’t focus on her because somewhere behind you, there is a voice you think you recognize. There’s no way he would be here. Sure, you have no idea what school he ended up choosing, but if he ended up here, he would’ve at least texted you. Right? Before you can confirm your suspicions, orientation starts, and your group leader is already talking with more energy than you can handle.

The group of guys settle down close by, and you can’t stop yourself from looking over, wondering if you’ll see the head of brown curls. Instead, you’re met with a bunch of frat boy looking wannabes that instantly make your eyes roll. To say you’re disappointed that you didn’t see him was so stupid. It’s been over a year, yet here you were, hoping to magically bump into him as if this was some cliche movie. If anything, it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating that even though he stopped caring for you, you still longed to see him, to hear him laugh at one of your cheesy jokes. It’s even more frustrating that this new start you’ve been looking forward to, makes you miss him even more.

There are only sixteen people on your floor, but introductions take a lifetime because someone didn’t come on time. When they finally do show up, you almost laugh at this whole situation because, of course, it was him. Of course, he was strutting down the courtyard in some brand new Gucci sneakers and the same Balenciaga sweater he had bought for you a few months ago. Of course, the annoying group of boys behind you gesture for him as he quickly apologizes to the group leaders. And, of course, when you make eye contact, he’s the one looking at you with a mixture of shock and annoyance.

Quickly rushing back to your room after the meeting, you decide you’re ordering in tonight so that you don’t have to see him for at least another day. This is all so fucked up. You wrack your brain trying to understand how probable this whole situation is because, frankly, it feels like a sick joke, and on top of it, he’s the one annoyed?

Naturally, you spend the rest of the night unpacking the rest of your things before ordering your comfort food to wash down all the feelings you’re experiencing. Putting on your favourite show, you begin your tenth rerun as you bury yourself in your blankets. Part of you feels so stupid for completely ignoring your initial dinner plans, but you knew with the mindset you had at the moment, there was no way you would have enjoyed yourself. It’s a bit silly you haven’t left your room since picking up your takeout, you don’t even know who lives beside you, but that’s a problem for tomorrow.

Slipping into your slides, you head towards the washroom with your little toiletry bag. You pass by the girl you were sitting with earlier, and she sends you a smile. After apologizing for disappearing all night she just laughs and assures you nothing happened. She even points out where her room is if you were up to hang out tomorrow during frosh activities.

Just this interaction makes you feel better, and you quietly hum along to the familiar tune coming from the shower stall.

He used to play this song all the time, claiming it spoke to him the first time he heard it. Since then, it became the song he would play anytime he’d come to pick you up, explaining how this song is special because the ending always reminded him of you. It didn’t matter how long it’s been since the two of you hung out. Every time you heard ‘Pluto Projector,’ it would always bring a smile to your face. You even tried to show the song to your ex-boyfriend, but he never paid attention to your suggestions. He always claimed that his music taste was better. Thankfully that relationship only lasted a couple of months, but still, the regret of not waiting for someone worthy lingers in your mind.

While applying your moisturizer, you hear the water shut, the person pausing the song right as the orchestra starts to come in. Worried about who you may run into, you quickly pack up your stuff. You hear the click of the lock, and as you turn around, you’re met with him, with his curly hair all damp and his obnoxious teal blue robe wrapped loosely around his waist.

Rushing past him, you briskly walk towards your room, but before you can close the door, his foot jams between the doorframe. He pushes his way in and quietly closes the door, only to be met with the unimpressed look on your face. He circles around your room, eyes searching for any trace of your past friendship before standing back at the door.

“What do you want, Matsukawa?” you ask impatiently. It’s bad enough you run into the one person you wanted to forget, but now he’s standing in your room with a matching frown.

Something indescribable flashes across his eyes, and you can visibly see his frown deepen at your question. Leaning against your door, his arms come up to rub over his face, peeking at you through his fingers before letting out a long sigh. “When did I become Matsukawa? I thought I was Issei.”

You can’t help the chuckle that escapes your lips, and you realize how childish your grudge might be, but he has changed, and the man standing in front of you isn’t the same man you once called your best friend. “When you changed, Matsukawa. Issei was my best friend, and YOU are not.”

His eyes filled with confusion as his eyebrows furrow, taking a step forward towards you. “I’m sorry? I tried to stay in touch with you. You’re the one that stopped talking to me, so I’d try to send you things instead. How was I the one who changed?”

You stand there, staring at him for a second before shaking your head. “I can’t do this right now; I want to have a good day tomorrow, so I need to go to sleep. Please, leave my room.”

His eyes soften a little, and you can see a faint glimpse of his infamous lazy smile, “We both know you’re not going to be sleeping anytime soon,” he stalks over and kicks his slides off before sitting at the end of your bed. “Let’s talk about this because, frankly, I’m tired of watching you decide if you hate me every time you see me.”

The nerve of this man. The fact that he invites himself into your room, declares his stay, and then sits on your bed without permission. You don’t even know if he’s wearing anything under that robe as his hair is literally dripping onto your comforter. Regardless of what the situation is, this action alone has you seething. Turning towards your desk chair, you harshly pull out the slightly imbalanced piece of wood and sit down, silently questioning why he isn’t the one on the chair.

He watches you stomp around, and he kinda chuckles at your little tantrum, missing how easy it was to rile you up. Your glare at him would be a little scary if he didn’t see the way your lips mumbled to yourself. It’s honestly a little cute to watch you all frustrated with him even though he saw one of the shoes he bought you in your closet. Sure, they look brand new, but the fact that you brought them here with you must mean something.

The year you two spent apart has been really stressful on Matsukawa. He thought that you’d be happy that he could give you everything you wanted. He knew he wasn’t spending as much time with you as he used to, but he thought the gifts he spent hours lining up for would make up for it.

When you stopped returning his calls and texts, he was crushed. Everyone could see how he felt about you, but then he watched you get close to another man. Within two weeks, you were dating him, and he was left watching from a distance. Neither of you ever confirmed your feelings for each other, but he could tell that man wasn’t making you happy. He didn’t understand your different facial expressions, he didn’t care about what you had to say, but all he could do was watch the girl he wanted from the sidelines.

Sure, as time went on, Matsukawa also started talking to other girls. None of them ever became his girlfriend, he didn’t think it was fair to get with someone when he was set on you, but he had his fair share of hookups. He has money, a shit ton of it, but he never let that get to his head. It wasn’t his fault that he gained popularity when he started to get into name brands and upgraded his car, but none of that ever changed who he was — at least not to the degree you had him pinned.

He watches you carefully, your leg bouncing impatiently as your eyes glare daggers in his direction. He runs his hand through his hair and lets out a sigh, “what did I do wrong? You didn’t even give me a chance to fix whatever I did (y/n).”

The lamp in the corner of your room shines a dim yellow hue onto his features. His brows are knitted in concern as he leans forwards on his knees, his robe showing off a deep v down his chest. You can feel yourself freeze up at his question, goosebumps covering your skin, while your eyes pour into his. “You changed Matsukawa. You stopped making an effort to be there. I’m not some girl you can just buy with all your money. I have never cared about how much you have or what you can afford -- you know that! It doesn’t matter what. I always split things with you because I never wanted you to feel like I was there for your money. But then suddenly, you just stop showing up. You wouldn’t even tell me you made other plans, and I would just open my door to find some package you dropped off.”

His eyes search your face before letting out a deep sigh. “I tried! You wouldn’t answer any of my calls, I know I stopped explaining myself, but can you blame me? Don’t you think I want to take you around and introduce you to all my friends? Don’t you think I miss going on late-night drives with you to 7-11? Every time I would drive past there, you’re all I thought about. You and your stupid obsession with cheese taquitos and Arizona tea. Did you even think about how I felt when you decided to act like I don’t exist?” He hastily stands up and paces around in the confined space of your dorm room. He never raises his voice, so hearing him talk at a slightly louder volume was enough to let you know he was dead serious. “You know, I never stopped talking highly about you because as selfish as it is, those boys have an important family. They have the connections you dream about (y/n), so even when you started to ignore me to go out with that fucking ex-boyfriend of yours, I never said anything.”

He looks at you with pleading eyes before going to sit back down, his elbows now resting against his thighs. “I know you don’t care about my money, but I didn’t know how else to tell you I was still thinking about you. I tried to get you things that you’d like, things that you’d wear. But no, I had to watch you put on a fake smile and laugh at that asshole’s jokes while you stubbornly ignored me to the point I thought you had me blocked.”

Looking up at you through his curls, his hooded eyes looked darker before. His lips curled into a forced smile as he let out a breathy chuckle, “he didn’t deserve you. But what do I know, right?”

You sat there quietly, taking in what he had just said. You didn’t realize how hurt he was. To be frank, up till now, you were so consumed by your feelings, and you failed to consider his own. His head is hanging between his hands, and the silence in your room right now is insufferable. He’s just explained himself, yet all you can do is scoff at yourself. While you were obsessing over the fact that Matsukawa wasn’t coming over to watch another rerun of your favourite show, he was out picking out different gifts he thought you’d like. You didn’t even open the last few because your own emotions so blinded you. Hearing him take a deep breath, he stands up and smiles sadly at you, “nice talk, (y/n). Thanks for listening.”

“I’m sorry, Issei.”

He lifts his head to meet your gaze, and you can visibly watch as his shoulders relax. It’s been too long since he’s heard you call him by his first name.

“I’m sorry too. I should’ve just gotten out of the car to talk to you.”

You look at him with a small smile. Walking towards your bed, you sit down and pat the spot beside you, pulling him in for a hug. His robe is probably the softest thing you’ve ever felt in your life, your fingers sinking into the fabric as you hold him close. His arms are immediately wrapping around you, and you both stay like that for a minute before you pull back, a faint blush blooming on your cheeks.

“No, you have nothing to apologize for. You tried reaching out to me, you tried explaining yourself, but I didn’t even give you a chance. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I was so caught up I didn’t even think about what you were feeling. The fact that you still wanted to introduce me to your friends, even after all the stuff I did to you….I’m so sorry, Issei.”

He gives you a playful smile and lightly nudges your shoulder with his, “yea, that was kinda unfair, but good thing we talked it out, huh?”

You flash him a sheepish smile, but your eyes glimmer with happiness, “yea, it’s good you barged into my room at two in the morning. Just like old times.”

His smile instantly grows at your playfulness, and he gives you a mock scoff. “I’m sorry, but if I remember correctly, you’d beg for me to stay over at two am cause you decided you wanted to watch a scary movie. Have you gotten better with horror movies this year, or are you still as jumpy as I remember?”

The tip of your ears growing warm while you mutter out a quick “shut up.”

His laughter makes your heart beat against your chest because you missed it so much. It’s been a while since you got to hear him laugh with you, and without even thinking, you go in for another hug.

His arms easily hold you close, and one of his massive hands reaches up to pet your hair. “Missed me, didn’t you?” he asks, and you can feel him smirking, so you just nod, your fingers playing with the damp, short curls at the base of his nape.

“Issei?” you ask with a little murmur against his neck.

“Hmmm?”

You smile to yourself and pull back a little, so you can see his face, “so other than hanging out with your friends and keeping up with my relationship, what else have you been doing?”

His face drops as he looks at you with a deadpan stare, the corners of his mouth twitching up in a smile as you giggle at his reaction. He pushes you back, so you end up falling onto your mattress, his long limbs effortlessly straddling your legs. Before you can think about the position you’re in, his fingers start to poke all-around your torso, causing you both to laugh as he starts to tickle you. “You think you’re funny, huh?” His hands go to tickle your worst spot as he starts to talk, but you can’t hear him over your own laughter. His fingers slow down, but you keep giggling when you’re met with his lazy smirk, “I’m trying to talk, you know. It’s rude you’re laughing when I’m trying to speak to you.”

He leans forwards and has both hands resting at the side of your head. Your faces now inches apart, the faint smell of sandalwood from his body wash now becoming more apparent. You stare into his brown eyes, and it almost feels as if everything stopped for a few seconds. The lamp in your room doesn’t do him justice as the shadows of his face wash over his features, but even then, his eyes stare back at you with a slight twinkle as you catch your breath.

Reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck and you tug him close, crashing his lips onto yours. The sweet hints from his beloved Burt’s bee’s lip balm make his lips even softer than you imagined. The kiss is short, but as you both pull away, he’s staring at you with a goofy smile.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that, (y/n).”

“Me too, Issei,” you whisper back before his lips capture yours again, this time with more confidence. This kiss is much more passionate than the last, holding onto each other in hopes of deepening it. One of his hands travels down to grab your waist, his tongue sweeping across your bottom lip, asking for permission. Your lips part and your tongues swirl together effortlessly while your hands play with his hair, pulling him closer into your body.

His hand feels a little rougher than before against your bare skin because of how often he trains, running down the length of your leg. The light touch of his fingertips admires how smooth your skin is before they trail back up, stopping just before the edge of your pyjama shorts. Hooking your leg around his hip, he leans into your body even further and even nips at your bottom lip.

Matsukawa smirks and whispers against your lips, “did he ever kiss you like that?”

Slightly surprised at the question, you shake your head, answering honestly. “He never made me feel the way you do.”

You watch as his eyes dilate, flickering into a deep brown you’ve never seen on him. The hand that was previously on your leg is now cupping your cheek, stroking your face softly, while his own face blooms into a rare shade of pink. Still, his words are clear, “please...give me a chance? He never treated you right. Let me take care of you?”

Words can’t describe how his question made you feel. You spent years learning about Matsukawa, understanding him to the point where words weren’t necessary to see what was happening in his head. Not once did you think he reciprocated your feelings, let alone want to be with you. Yet, here you are, caged beneath his arms as his hopeful eyes pour into yours.

Turning your head slightly, you press a kiss onto his hand and smile. “Please?”

His face breaks into a smile. His cheeks are tinted rose as the corners of his mouth reach up to his eyes. Leaning down, he peppers kisses onto your face, the loose curls on his head tickling your cheeks as he giggles with you. The kisses trail down to your jaw, and he follows the natural curve of your jawline to your ear. “Is this okay?” he whispers softly, only continuing down this path when you give him a curt nod.

Your legs tighten around his waist when he begins to press open mouth kisses down your neck, gently nipping at the spots that make you let out shy little sounds. His tongue leaves kitten licks against your skin after he’s sucked on it, littering faint marks. Seeing you with light hickeys on the base of your neck and collarbones is completely self-indulgent for him. Thinking about waking up in the morning and seeing the marks he knows he gave you makes him inexplicably happy as he sucks particularly hard, causing you to wince.

Immediately he stops and turns to you, “I’m sorry, did I hurt you? D’you wanna stop?”

His concern for you is truly a breath of fresh air compared to what you had before. Shaking your head, you guide his hands to the edge of your sweater. “You bought this for me… it’s only fair I let you take it off.”

He studies your face for a second before his lips curl into a lazy smirk, quickly pulling the overpriced sweater off your body. He takes a sharp inhale when you reveal you aren’t wearing anything underneath as he’s met with your beautiful tits, nipples hard and pointed. “You let me in here knowing you weren’t wearing a bra? And here I thought you were a good girl.”

Noticing how your legs tighten around him, he smirks even wider. Leaning back down, his kisses trail down to your chest, and his lips feel soft and warm against your skin. His fingers take hold of your chin and force you to look down on him while his lips wrap around your nipple, the tip of his tongue flicking gently at the hardened bud. His hand palms against the fatty flesh of your other tit; his fingers are rolling your nipple before tugging on it experimentally.

Suddenly feeling shy, your arms come up to cover your face slightly just to have him lace his fingers with yours, pulling your arms away. “Don’t hide from me. Let me see how pretty you look. Let me hear how good I make you feel, okay?”

“I’ve never had someone play with my tits like this…”

He just stares at you, brows knitted as his smirk turns into a slight pout. “You’re with me now; that means every part of your body will be pleasured. I wanna hear and see all of you, okay?”

With a shy nod, you gently roll your hips against him, inviting more of his attention.

He kisses you once more, murmuring against your lips, “you’re so beautiful. Let me know if I’m going too fast, okay?”

His lips follow down your body once more, lightly biting your tit before using the flat part of his tongue to feel the valley between your chest. Matsukawa lets out a low moan as you arch upwards, pushing yourself closer to his touches. Letting go of your hands, he begins to massage the soft flesh of your tits and kiss down your stomach, the tip of his tongue trailing against the waistband of your shorts.

“Let me hear you ask for it; I don’t wanna do something you don’t want.”

“Isseiiii, please?” you whine out, the tip of your ears turning hot at the thought of asking for his tongue.

He smirks at you, looking up through his hooded eyes and tsks. “Be a good girl for me. Use your words.”

His words go straight to your pussy, and you can’t help the doe eyes look in your eyes when you whimper out, “please, Issei? Wanna feel your mouth on me.”

You watch as he takes in a sharp breath, the hunger in his eyes shining through despite the dim lighting in your room. He tugs at the end of your shorts until they’re completely off, repositioning himself lower until your legs are resting around his biceps. His eyes zone in on the way a sheer layer of slick coats your lips, happy that the attention he’s been giving you has pleased you. As he shimmies down on your bed, his legs now supporting himself on the floor, he nestles himself between your legs, easily spreading your things open with his arms. Sending you a knowing smile, he blows cool air directly onto your clit, loving how your walls flutter for him.

“You’re so sensitive, baby.”

“No one’s ever made me feel like this before...want more, please?”

You look down at him with pleading eyes, your hands cupping his face when you speak. Pressing a quick peck to your hand, he hips his head down and traces your pussy lips with his tongue, savouring how you taste.

The gasp that you let out once you felt his touch was adorable. It suddenly became the sound Matsukawa will chase after the more he gets to know your body and what it likes. He takes one long lap up your pussy, stopping just before your clit and using his fingers, he spreads your lips even more. Once your clit is all exposed, he flicks it gently with the tip of his tongue, looking up at you with all the confidence in the world. Hearing your little moans make him greedy for more, for more desperate and needy sounds, so he goes to press a kiss onto your bundle of nerves. Feeling you twitch beneath him, he gently places his lips around the sensitive bud and sucks earnestly, relishing in the way you buck your hips and call out his name. After a while of pure clitoral stimulation, he leans back up to watch your eyes blink back into focus on his face, a silly dazed smile on your face.

He winks at you and sticks his tongue into your drooling hole, swirling it around to feel the walls of your pussy clench around him. His fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs as he nuzzles his nose against your clit, his cock getting unbearably hard at the way you pant our pleas.

“I-issei! Please….need you inside, please!”

Coming back up for air, his hand leaves your thigh as his fingers start to tease around your hole, loving how your pussy clenches around nothing. So needy for his touches when he’s barely even started. He knows your orgasm was building, but he wants to take his time with you. You mean the world to him, and seeing you like this already makes him feel like the luckiest man at the moment.

Taking two of his fingers, he coats them in all your slick before slowly pushing them inside you. His eyes squeeze shut when he feels how tight you are, his mind immediately thinking about how you’d feel wrapped around his cock. When he’s finally inside, he pulls out slowly before sliding them back in, loving how you beg for more.

“Need more, please, Issei! Go faster, please.”

Your hands pull his head up to kiss you while his fingers begin to speed up. With the lewd sound of his hand slapping against your sopping wet pussy, his palm is applying pressure to your clit. Your moans are lost in your kisses, his other hand going back to playing with your sensitive nipple.

“I have to stretch you out, babygirl. I don’t want my cock to hurt you.”

All you’re able to do is nod as his fingers start to scissor your hole, stretching you out even more. His fingers, now knuckle deep, curl against your sweet spot, making you grip onto his hair as he swallows all your cries, suddenly remembering that the walls in this dorm probably aren’t that thick.

His fingers curl into you more, whispering sweet praises as his hand teases and tugs on your swollen nipple. Everything happened so quick, and you’re cumming all over his hand, your sweet sticky arousal covering his fingers as he slows down. Matsukawa is smiling down at you, “you did so well, baby. Bet that felt really good, huh?”

Maybe you’re needy or just horny, but even after your orgasm, you start tugging the tie that keeps his robe up. Your legs are sore, sorer than they’ve ever been, but all you can think about is how full you would feel with him inside of you. He smirks at you as he pops his fingers into his mouth, sucking off all your juices before letting his robe fall and chucking it to the ground. He’s wearing his briefs, but you can see how hard his cock is under the thin cotton material. Before you’re able to pull his underwear down, he stops you and lets out a small chuckle. “I’m sorry, I don’t have a condom. We don’t have to do anything.”

You giggle and shake your head, “don’t need one; we’re in university, baby. What’s a little fun without risks?”

He lets you pull his underwear down, and his massive throbbing cock instantly slaps against his stomach as he laughs at your reaction. “Had to make sure you were stretched out enough.”

You bite your lips and stare at how big his cock actually is. It’s hard to imagine how you’ll fit that inside of you, but you’re determined to give it a try.

“You ready, pretty girl?” he asks as he taps the tip of cock against your clit, loving how you squirm under him.

“mmhmm, Issei.”

He lets go of his cock and leans up, and pulls you into a deep kiss, completely in awe of you.

“Tell me if you wanna stop, kay?”

Replying with a small hum, he gathers up the remaining slick that’s leaking out of your pussy and strokes his cock slowly, also letting his spit drip down to help lubricate himself. He lines himself up with your pretty pussy and starts to push the head in, studying your face to make sure you’re doing alright. When he sees you smiling back at him, despite the grip you have on his arms, he pushes another two inches inside of you.

“You’re doing so good for me, baby. We’re almost halfway,” he whispers into your ear as he kisses your neck softly, sucking on the spot by the base of your lobe. “Such a good girl for me,” he coaxes as his cock slides another inch into your sweet cunt.

Incredibly, he’s only halfway down because you’ve never felt this full before. Still, your fingers dig into his arms when you ask for more. “Just want all of you in me, please?”

Hearing you ask for more even though you already looked fucked out sparks something inside him. He lets out a low growl and quickly pushes the rest of his length inside you, mumbling sweet nothings against your skin. He moans out with you when he feels how warm and tight you are, your pussy stretching more than it ever has to accommodate his size.

“Feel s’good, Issei.”

With a breathy chuckle, he peppers kisses all over your neck, loving the sound of your soft giggles as he pulls back three-quarters of the way, slowly pushing his way back into you. The gasp you let out is different than before, much more surprised but sensual.

He continues this motion a few more times before he picks up the pace, his hips slamming against you while your tits bounce. Each thrust knocks the air out of your chest cause he’s brushing against your spot every time. Matsukawa leans down and presses his forehead against the crook of your neck, muttering how good you feel.

“F-faster...need you faster, is’o good, please.”

Obliging to your pleas, he starts to rut his hips into yours, the sound of his balls slapping against your skin with each movement. He looks up to see your dreamy eyes and smiles. He knows there’s not a thought behind those eyes right now as his cock slams against your walls with each thrust. He goes to kiss you again, silencing your cries as your nails drag down his arms, trying to ground yourself in the midst of all the pleasure.

“You’re s-tight baby I- fuuuuuck, I can barely move.”

You can’t help it. Your walls are naturally squeezing him because he’s fucking straight into your sweet spot with each snap of his hips. You look at him with hazy eyes, entirely in a trance as you moan out his name. He can tell you want to cum, so his hand reaches down to rub your clit as his cock continues to pound into you.

“C’mon baby, cum all over my cock. You can do it...ah shit, yea, just like that.”

He’s been trying so hard not to cum but watching your back arch into him as your nails drab down his back, his name falling out from your lips in a loud erotic moan, is making it really hard. He looks down in surprise when he sees a creamy white rim around his cock, proud of himself for making you cream.

“Good girl...that’s my fuckin girl.”

Satisfied he made you finish, his head falls back onto your shoulder, his hips just rutting into you as he chases his own orgasm. Not even a minute later, he’s calling out for you as he quickly pulls out, cumming all over your tits. His chest heaves along with yours, his hair sticking to his forehead slightly as he empties his load all over your chest.

Once you’ve both calmed down a little bit, he smiles down at you and goes to stroke your cheek. “Had you creaming on my cock, was it fun? Did you have a good time?”

“S’good...thank you, baby,” you say before pulling him down for a kiss.

He gets up and reaches for his robe, “you did so good, took me like a champ heh. I’ll be back with a rag to clean you up, okay? Don’t move.”

As he leaves your room, you stare up at the ceiling and let out a laugh. Not even twelve hours ago, you were cursing the fact that he was here with you, and now you have his cum all over your tiddies as he goes to get stuff to clean you up.

You watch as he comes back into your room, fully changed with a rag in his hand. He kneels beside you and pets your hair as he starts to wipe his mess.

“Why’re you changed?”

“Oh! We’re going to 7-11 once I get you cleaned up.”

“.....it’s like three-thirty in the morning.”

“I’ll get you taquitos and Arizona,” he says as he goes to wipe around your pussy, mindful not to put too much pressure cause you’re still sensitive.

“And skittles?”

He snorts and kisses your shaking thigh, “yea, I’ll get you skittles, brat.”

© tetsunormous 2021

taglist: @plutowrites @armins-futon @arte-misa @strawbari21 @matsusimp @bokutomessy @mentaly-ill @arumiee @kvrooschibichan lmk if you want to be added to my tag list

[thesoulspulse]

Danny Phantom Randomness (All By Myseeeelf...)

Maybe it’s because it’s that time of year, but while we know why Danny dislikes the holidays (or used to anyway) do we ever really talk about Vlad? Since we know so little about his background apart from his former friendship with Jack and obsession with Maddie, there’s no way to tell if he had a happy childhood let alone if he even celebrates Christmas or Valentines Day. Heck, we don’t even know if he has any living relatives left...

Originally this was going to be a post about Christmas specifically, but eh, I’ll combine it with Valentines Day since this is mainly a post talking about just how lonely our favorite fruitloop is. Someday I hope to change that by creating a character worthy of him who can help him through his problems and become a good influence on him. I’ve only seen this done once really well but maybe I just haven’t been looking hard enough. Because like I said, it’s kinda hard to write someone who could even get close enough to Vlad to hope to begin forming a real bond with the intimidating man.

I typically assume that Vlad was an only child growing up and I have a personal headcanon that Vlad has always had a deep respect for his father and that’s part of why he himself aspires to become the perfect father. As for his mother, Vlad has always loved her very much too and she’s the one who taught him how to cook, bake, and to use food swears to replace real ones whenever he gets angry to keep his emotions in check. I saw an adorable piece of fanart about that once but I’m not sure how to find it now sadly.

I’ve written this idea in several of my fanfics, but I feel bad that Vlad doesn’t really have any family left to curb his loneliness. Usually it’s hard to write them in since he’s such a selfish person so I typically say he lost his parents shortly before starting college which is why he took Jack’s apparent betrayal so hard. Near as I can tell, it was hard for Vlad, Jack, and Maddie to make friends given their interest in ghosts which I assume has been a lifelong passion for the trio. And if he ever does have family around, I assume they’re not on good terms since Vlad wants nothing to do with them or wants them asking him for money since he IS the richest man in the world.

That brings me to my next point.

Since Vlad is so rich, I tend to enjoy exploring that a lot more than we see in the show because the sky’s the limit, literally, when you’re the richest and most powerful man in the world. That could be another reason apart from his obsession with Maddie that prevents him from dating anyone. He’s not stupid, he knows most of them are only after his money and connections, they don’t love or care about him, they only care about the idea of him and what he can do for them. Same goes for random people showing up claiming to be his distant relatives or an old friend asking for a favor which he must have found some way to stop from happening.

Ironic given how it’s the same with Maddie. Vlad only loves the idea of her and having the perfect wife as we saw in “Masters of All Time” when he finally got what he wanted but was more worried about appearing to be the perfect happy couple than being honest with her and with himself, even lying about Jack hating them both for the accident since he doesn’t trust she’ll stay with him. We don’t know why he grew attached to Maddie in the first place or when. Was it a childhood crush? Or did he literally only meet her in college? And for the love of god, WHY does he have feelings for Maddie anyway?

It’s never actually stated why, just like how it isn’t with Sam and that bugs me to no end. All healthy relationships are about treating each other as individuals with their own thoughts and feelings, about give and take, about trust, loyalty, the willingness to accept both the good and the bad in a person, the restraint to set healthy boundaries and not try to control them or who their friends are, to give them space when they need it and be there to pick them up if they fall. Basically, the best relationships are friendships first, good ones where you understand each other and enjoy what you share in common as well as respect the differences.

That’s Vlad’s biggest flaw. He’s so wrapped up in himself, in his life being perfect with a loving wife and a son that adores him that he forgets to BE that person, to be that caring and loving friend, father, and husband/boyfriend. He says he wants love, but as we saw in “Kindred Spirits” when he actually had that love and loyalty from Dani and the other clones it wasn’t good enough. Vlad even went as far as to hurt Dani by angrily shouting that she only exists to serve him, proving he didn’t actually see her as a daughter, but as a means to an end even though unlike the other clones she’s half-human too. Even if it felt artificial, all of the clones genuinely loved Vlad, he’s all they had ever known, which what makes what happened to most of them all the more tragic.

All but one of the clones, aka Dani, perished without ever coming into their own which is why I’m doing my best to give Vlad another chance at parenthood in my fanfic “Ghost in the Machine” before it’s too late for him to turn back and choose to change for the better once the love he’s been longing for is within reach. Because personally, I think Vlad wants to be a father more than he does a husband. Part of that is because of his reactions in “Maternal Instinct” when Maddie pretends to flirt with him to get back home since he’s the only one with a phone and transport for miles around.

He seems shocked at the sudden change in her and goes along with it, eventually pleasantly pleased with the result. I hate how he takes no responsibility for being a jerk and says it was Maddie’s ‘mistake’ to marry Jack which is beyond creepy and manipulative. Especially given how he blatantly asked a MARRIED woman with two children to leave her husband to come live with him out of the blue, which is beyond stupid and downright arrogant which is the whole point. Not to mention he doesn’t so much as mention Jazz there which as you’ll recall he left with Jack who he had sent ghosts to go kill, meaning he has no interest in her as a daughter, only Danny as his ‘perfect half-ghost son.’

That’s why when Danny pretends to actually want him as his new dad...while Vlad understandably suspects it’s only a lie at first since he knows Danny better than that, once it seems like his hopes are confirmed, he literally tears up and the pure joy on his face is unmistakable. He wants it to be true so badly he leaps at the chance to get everything he wants, further proving what a selfish jerk he is who doesn’t care about what they want. I mean, did he really expect Danny to turn around and forgive him after he sent a HORDE of ghost monsters to kill him while he was powerless? That is, unless it was only a scare tactic and he had no intention of actually killing Danny and that, right there, is clearly more manipulation on Vlad’s part as he isolates him and his mother to try and make them both his by force.

As weird as it may sound, it was actually this reaction and the affection he showed towards the first Maddie-the-cat later in the series that gave me hope there was a small chance this fruitloop could turn things around, even back when I first watched the show. He might never be able to convince Maddie to leave Jack, but maybe he could finally let go of her and try to meet someone new that could love him for who he is (once he stops the evil schemes mind you or tones them down at least) and not his money. And for Danny, he could be a father-figure or a real uncle and a mentor instead of the villain.

But alas, it was not to be.

Still, while I still feel like Vlad is capable of love, he clearly does not remember HOW to genuinely love someone else. He doesn’t know how to put anyone else first, how to be honest with his feelings, how to accept disappointment, and most of all...how to love himself without it being in a narcissistic way. That’s what makes this all the more tragic. He’s constantly sabotaging himself, losing chances to be a part of their lives in a realistic and healthy way even if it’s not possible for his perfect life with them to exist. And the love he could have found raising Dani all went to waste when he rejected her for disobeying him.

So yeah, this is just my personal take on Vlad so take from that what you will. All I wanted to really say is I would love to see Vlad find REAL love from someone to help him come back from the brink before it’s too late. Despite the awful things he’s done, in the end, he is genuinely lonely and doesn’t have any friends or family that we know of. That’s probably why we love giving him adopted kids so much, because it gives them both a much needed second chance at a happy life with a new family.