#my life's quite boring or normal ngl

[perryelornitorrinco]

Based on that one tag game: Do you wanna tell the story of how you got your switch? 👉👈 ^^

DEFINITELY >:·3

It's been a while now, but it was from that tag game of how you got into loz. This one wont be that long tho (I hope) XDSJADH.

I bought my switch in 2017 (bro is so tired in 2025 I feel bad for them omg), but not in March cause I had to study, so I bought it in June, AND OMG IT WAS ALWAYS SOLD OUT, so you can imagine.

Classic 14 year old excited to get the new nintendo but gets to the store and there's no switch in sight. And it was like that for a whole week. I would go to the store at 10am when they just opened and the lady would tell me they're sold out.

BUT, one of those days (I think by the 6th day going there the lady just knew who i was lol 💀) I went asking for a switch like a victorian child dirty from soot begging for bread for the 34899845th time, and she told me "okay, come this thursday at 10 and I'll save one for you when we restock, so when you come you can get it" cause the truck with all the store's restock would come that thursday, and omg I got too excited.

So I went to the store again that thursday and she was there, asked for the console and gave it to me, and I said thanks like 93579375 times XD. And oh boy, I even cried when I placed it on the shopping cart, I was so happy seeing it in the damn cart and knowing I could play with it that very same day, I waited for so long and saved a lot of money to buy it and I was just too happy hahaha!!! My mom told me I looked silly but I didn't care ngl, I wanted that new nintendo so bad. So badly that I didn't even realized what games were out for the switch to play XDDKSJA.

So then I looked over the videogame section and made the great decision of buying the new Zelda game which I didn't know if I was gonna like or not (I did). And 1, 2 switch (which is really boring if you're an only child and don't have friends to play with lol).

I also remember getting home and unboxing it, it felt so weird, the joycons were so different from the Wii remotes, and I will always remember being pissed off because the menu didn't have music/camera/flipnote studio/silly menu games/THEMES, I'm still mad to this day lol, I hate the switch in general, love the games but the console? Boring. The 3DS is the superior console. But yeah, turning it on and plugging the joycons in was really epic atm, I was just :O the whole time XDDSALJH. It's been 8 years almost omg. 💀

So yeah, that was my switch story :·3, it could've been shorter but my professional yapper ahh can't shut up so I made it longer

This could be a chain/tag game too but don't wanna pressure people, so if you wanna talk about how did y'all get your switch or some random experience with it feel tagged or tag me :·3 or tell me in my askbox! :D

[cultkinkcoven]

something that I think about a lot. constantly a lot. NSFW??? Yes. nsfw. Minors get the fuck out of here.

This is a cringe free zone being cringe is okay being insane is okay being strange is ok inhale exhale life isn’t even real embarrassment isn’t even real

*lucifer and i having a conversation about rituals and the eventual mundanity of doing rituals regularly*

me: …I don’t think they’d ever get boring for me. I really like doing our rituals :) ❤️

Lucifer: mhm, your theophilic tendencies tend to keep things interesting for us

me: huh. my what? what is theophilic

Lucifer: oh, it’s a word that technically means “a friend of God” uh. but in this context I meant it to mean … a person who experiences arousal by preforming ritual acts, or is sexually attracted to a spirit/demon/ angel/ God etc. someone who has a kink for the God/devotee dynamic.

😃!

me: iiiiiiiiiiiiii don’t know if that’s necessarily-

Lucifer: I don’t imagine it applies to all situations. You don’t seem to get aroused by the idea of a God or doing rituals in general. You don’t seem to be a hierophile (I had to look that one up too) I’m not… accusing you of anything. (the look he gave me made me so fucking embarrassed dude i’m going to jill myself) It’s just that our relationship in particular has always seemed to be somewhat informed by some kind of theophilia.

me: oh. . . is that actually like… a thing?

Lucifer: It’s seldom talked about but it is somewhat normal within lots of magical relationships for the humans involved to have some sort of affinity for the dynamic. It’s very unique and intimate, it makes sense.

me: 🙏… I don’t want you to think I’m devoted to you just because it fulfills some niche fetish in me.

Lucifer: *laughing* It’s okay, my boy. I’m surprised this flusters you at all actually. I too gain quite a lot from seeing my devotee sit naked at our altar. I watch you get dressed every day and feel my name roll over your tongue when you give your pleasure to me. Technically I am just as anthrophilic as you are theophilic.

ngl i was still super embarrassed and still am

Lucifer: did you really think the whole monster fucker thing wouldn’t have any impact on your approach to chaos magic?

me: WELL I DONT KNOW Lucifer, I never put much thought into it yeah

Lucifer: collar

(yknow in reference that I literally wear a collar for him)

me: okay YEAH I get that idk i just didn’t know it had a word idk

Lucifer: you experience something special from the inherent dynamic of having a patron and guide who is not human, that is omnipotent and omnipresent, and who can be depended on in a way that transcends human boundaries. That special flutter you get from saying my enn to yourself, from wearing my sigil on your chest, from praying to me and knowing that I am always lingering by your neck. From heading and obeying me, whispering my name to sleep? Doing spells for me, waiting for my results like an excited puppy? (r u serious) Anticipating your rewards and getting off on it? That’s theophilia.

me: *don’t know what to do*

Lucifer: *laughing* it makes you a fun devotee to work with

me: I have to go

[milaisreading]

Wedding crashers

🌱🩷: Ngl, I liked this idea a lot! So, let's go!

Warning: Reader uses she/her. Requests are open

⚽️Blue lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️

(Y/n) wasn't usually someone who cared what her family thought of her. She didn't have the best upbringing. Her parents weren't the best when it came to being parents, and her distant family members who were aware of it just turned a blind eye to everything. They tried to keep a good image up, and during her more rebellious phase they would pretend not to know her in public, and in private forbid their kids from hanging out with her. Why she agreed to come to the wedding was something she really didn't understand herself. Was it hope to reconcile with them now that her life is in order? Or was it longing to have a normal day with them? Whatever the reason was, she was at at the wedding. Well, both her and Luna, who was quite an attention catcher for the women and kids there.

(Y/n) wasn't stupid, she knew Luna was handsome and famous, so naturally everyone wanted to be around him. She just didn't know to what extent. The bride and groom were giving them side-glares from time to time when someone asked for pictures with the star player, something he would deny quite quickly.

"Are you sure you are comfortable here? You can leave, if you want to." (Y/n) told the Spaniard as they sat on their table, watching one of the kids solemnly walk away after Luna refused to take a picture with him.

"Why wouldn't I be? I got free food, a day off, and can hang out with you. This is great." Luna laughed as he leaned against his chair, and then looked back at her.

"Well, it is kind of boring and you keep getting pestered by everyone."

"I don't mind. Besides, you are here, so it's pretty fun." Luna answered honestly. The woman was taken aback for a moment and looked back at all the guests that were now around the groom and bride.

"Oh... thanks. And, thank you for agreeing to come with me."

'I would have probably broken down by now. I guess someone like Luna-san being with me is too intimidating for them to say whatever they want.' She concluded as Luna kept his gaze on her while smiling.

'So adorable~'

'I should take him out for some food later.'

Meanwhile, outside of the venue, the rest of the World 5 team were glaring at the blonde while staring through the window. Well, 3 of them were glaring while one was a little concerned that people will find them and it might draw unnecessary attention on them.

"I am kicking Luna's ass once I catch him." Adam mumbled as Pablo bit his nails while glaring at the blonde.

"I would have been a better date. (Y/n) and I would have looked way better."

"Dream on, Cavasoz. But, I do agree with Adam, I am beating Luna's ass after this." Silva grumbled as Loki tried to calm them down.

"Calm down. And was it really necessary to come here? We might ruin the night for (L/n)-san."

"Loki, you are a sweet kid, but it was absolutely necessary. Luna can not be trusted. Poor (Y/n) is probably bored to hell with him." Silva told thebFrench boy, who decided to take a look through the window.

"It looks like she is laughing at something he said."

"Loki, my child, she is pretending. Every woman does that around a man she is bored." Adam said, ignoring the sight in front of him.

"Yes. It's a good tactic." Pablo agreed as he kept on glaring at Luna. Loki blinked at them in confusion and then looked back at the two, who were talking about something.

"So, whenever she laughs around you guys, she is bored-"

"You are looking way tok deep into this, Loki!" Adam quickly said.

"Look! (Y/n) is leaving the table. Let's go and talk to Luna." Silva said as the three looked at the now alone Luna while (Y/n) went off to where the drinks were.

"I am teaching that Spaniard a lesson." Pablo cracked his knuckles.

"God, help us..." Loki sighed as he silently followed after them.

With (Y/n)...

'30 more minutes and we can go... Everyone has been ignoring me, so nobody will notice I am gone, anyway.' (Y/n) sighed as she looked through the different drink options for Luna and her.

"I really owe him one for this-"

"There is my baby cousin! Why the foul mood? It's a wedding."

The woman groaned as she heard her cousin, and groom, approach her spot at the bar.

"Hey there, (C/n), sorry about that. I just don't feel the best right now." She said with a forced smile when she noticed the smirk on the man's face.

"I can see why. It must suck being the family's disappointment. No man, the only man who ever wanted you cheating, no kids, no family of your own. Just some stupid job. Not even your parents wanted to speak with you."

"Can you just for one day leave me alone? It's your wedding and you still find the time to annoy me." (Y/n) glared at the man who glared at her in return.

"Well, we would love to enjoy this day if all the attention wasn't on a certain football star. How did you even get him to come here? Just look at you."

The man said in disgust while pointing at (Y/n).

"Excuse you-"

"OH MY GOD! ISN'T THAT DADA SILVA?!"

"And Pablo Cavazos?! He looks even cuter in real life! I need a picture!"

"Adam Blake as well! He looks so hot!"

"I need to take a picture with them!"

The two looked in bewilderment at the crowd that was forming around the table (Y/n) and Luna were supposed to be sitting. The woman looked over at her cousin, whose face was as red as a tomato from the anger he was feeling. (Y/n) held back a laugh as the man stomped over to the table.

'He really isn't used to people stealing his spotlight. Serves you right for blowing out my candles and opening my presents during my birthday parties.'

She silently laughed.

"(L/n)-san, I am so sorry for this."

Loki's voice spooked her out a little and she looked over at the nervous boy.

"Loki? You are here as well?" She asked in surprise.

"I was forced here... I am sorry for all of this. I will gather the guys and we will leave-"

The boy was interrupted by (Y/n), who shook her head in protest to the idea.

"Don't worry, and it's about time for Luna-san and I to leave, anyway. Let's just go." She said, gently pushing him towards the door.

"Are you sure?"

Loki and (Y/n) looked over at the 4, who were doing their best to leave as quickly as possible, while the guests looked in disappointment at them for wanting to leave.

'I owe them all a meal for this...' She thought and smiled back at Loki.

"I am sure. We can wait for them outside. They seem to have this under control." (Y/n) said as Loki went along with what she had planned, still a little confused over it.

The next day...

"Well, looks like you 4 are allegedly looking for a bride. I am hurt you didn't tell me." (Y/n) laughed as both her and Loki read the headlines on one of the tabloids.

"How did you know?- Ow!" Adam glared at Luna who had elbowed him the the stomach.

"What?" She blinked at the Brit, who shook his head.

"Nothing!"

"What makes you say that?" Silva raised an eyebrow.

"Last night's incident is all over the news. Especially in Britain and Spain."

Loki said while showing Luna and Pablo his phone.

"Sorry about that one again. Let's hope you won't become less popular around the women because of me." (Y/n) said apologetically as the Argentinian man spoke up.

"I don't mind! I have my sight set on someone." Pablo shrugged while glancing at her.

"Same with me." Adam quickly added in while looking at (Y/n) as well. Silva and Luna nodded their heads in agreement, keeping their eyes on the woman as well.

"Yep! I found a quite nice lady for myself as well." The Spaniard added in.

"So, no need to apologize. I have someone in mind already."

(Y/n) looked at the four in surprise before speaking up.

"Good to hear that! Hope you tell those women your feelings soon!" She laughed and looked back at Loki, who was holding in a laugh.

"Anyway, Loki, your manager called over some issues back at home. Nothing minor, it's just that some guy keeps saying he misses you."

"I can already tell who it is..." Loki groaned.

While the two were talking, the 4 men looked at (Y/n) in disbelief.

'This has to be a cruel joke!'

'Is she dense?! I mean, it is cute, but come on!'

'Next time I will straight up confess. Being subtle doesn't work in my favor.'

'My adorable idiot! She is so cute, but yet frustrating!'

[seralu]

just to warn this post is written under the assumption that nick is actually into women (which I believe he is, a little bit at least) and the traits are in context of this attraction to women, as i believe he’d value quite different traits in male partners

thinking about nick talking about how he wants a passive woman during his stream last night. he allegedly wants a woman who won’t speak back to him, won’t give him any shit, won’t make snarky comments and of course, won’t be the one running the show

i could not see him being satisfied with this whatsoever, well tbh, i could not see him satisfied in any direction which his life is heading. but if he had this type of partner, he would be so fucking bored. he’s talked about wanting a relationship with conflict before, when he’s been honest about what he likes personally. instead of trying to say what he thinks normal people should like, like he did last night, because well… he is not a normal person and he will never be satisfied in a healthy relationship

a high-tension relationship with lots of drama and fighting is inevitable for him. i get the impression, that opposed to what he says, he actually would be into a dominant woman. i’ve previously written about this, but i believe he would not make the first move on a woman, like ever, because according to him, things like that never cross his politically-engaged mind.

but i need to be clear, i do not mean a dominant woman in the way in which laura horn or sailor spider girl operate. because ngl, i could see myself getting sick of them easily and i love women. they’re too extroverted and personable for him imo. i mean a woman who is very smart, quite introverted, calculated and allows him to feel like he’s in power, when really she holds all the cards. a woman who is sarcastic, confident, independent, mostly emotionally repressed but occasionally creates conflict by acting assertively.

during yesterdays stream, he hinted at his mother being overbearing, as he said we’ve all met women who are like laura horn, such as our own mothers. this leads me to my next point, about having an overbearing mother, which i believe is 100% true, even though they still have a very close relationship. why that is, i’m not sure, but he is definitely the golden child to his mum and a true mothers boy. with that, no doubt, comes an overbearing mother whomst he still loves.

although, this is a trait which i do not believe he would appreciate in a future wife. you cannot give a man like nick two nagging women in his life, he will go insane. instead, i believe he’d appreciate someone who mostly does things independently to him, but lowkey controls his life without him knowing. someone who will play mind games wit him instead of demanding exactly what they want, allowing him to feel like he’s in control

okay anyway i kinda just let my mind go wherever with this one, and ofc this is subjective. this is just the dynamic which i would see for him in the future :P i’m curious about what characteristics you guys think a future, male or female, partner for have? ofc i’ve only covered the female basis here and it’ll be quite different for a male perhaps

[mayisgoingnuts]

Enjoy a free pass to infodump about Roy and his parents 🎫

I am v curious about your thoughts :]

You heard them guys I got a free pass :D

ALSO I'M SORRY I TOOK SO LONG I FORGOT I PUT THIS IN DRAFTSS

Roy's parents

Uhh tw for family issues and a brief mention of S/A

Imma be honest, I feel like people see their relationship as either black or white when it's definitely NOT the case.

Black = Carmen and Richard are awful beings, they hate Roy, they won't let him do anything and would easily abandon him for money, I EVEN SAW SOME SAYING THAT THEY WOULDN'T CARE ABOUT ROY'S UNCLE. I'M SORRY I KNOW IT'S AU AND STUFF BUT,,, it makes me so so uncomfortable AAAAA

White = They're just quite arrogant and that's it, normal life and communication, nothing changes from a basic family besides the fact that Carmen and Richard are "ughh poor people". Also makes me uncomfy ngl, even tho it can be cute sometimes.

Both are ENTIRELY WRONG in my view.

First of all, (most of the cases, not all of them) no matter how much your parents suck, how much they treat you awfully or just are JERKS to you, if they did "the bare minimum", you'll stay attached to them no matter how much you don't want to. In Roy's case, I can see that they already spent a LOT of money on him and pretty sure that it already gave him good time and moments (plus gave him a nice childhood since when he was born his parents are pretty happy), so they're not 100% evil or bad. Plus, as much as he's scared, I can see that he also respects them in a way, otherwise he wouldn't even go through the "Can I say bye? You know, ehh?" scene, if he actually felt FEAR he wouldn't even open his mouth and much less sound that dry to them (personal experience cough cough)

Not to mention that Roy gets angry with people calling his mom a lady of the night, he wouldn't give 2 shits if he truly hated her 🫠

But they're definitely not oh so good either. They wouldn't communicate that easily if not at all, y'know those scenes where you have dinner with your parents and gets nothing but silence or, idk, the most boring conversations ever? Something like that, not to mention the obvious problem with accepting Roy's personality

AND TOWARDS ROY'S UNCLE. MY GOOOODDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAA IT MAKES ME GO CRAZY,, /NEG

I explained it before but saying it again, ROY'S PARENTS WOULDN'T JUST??? IGNORE???? OR VICTIM BLAME HIM EITHER?? PLEASE. The most realistic option here is having their support, and even there it wouldn't be all rainbows and such since they're not close. It would get a bit better between them? Definitely. 100%? Nuh-uh.

Carmen and Richard want the best for their son, a good future, a good life, a good job, good school, but they have an issue of not thinking about his emotional state and own personal tastes. Roy obviously get mad at them, get upset, but not now not today that he would say something like "I hope they die", and if he does he wouldn't mean it or would regret. Basically "I don't hate them, but I don't love love them either"

I feel like this sounds more like a rant than anything?? Sorry if it does, but I'm a bit tired to see people trying to explain their relationship in a black or white view when it's clearly not

[winderlylandchime]

Hi! I hope you’re doing well and that your trip is good and fun. But holy shit, i hope you and your partner manage to stay covid free! I’m sending some healing thoughts to your SIL since covid absolutely sucks!

Also a few things i do have to say because you need to know (most of them i was told to tell you guys): we went to the doctor yesterday and he was proudly wearing his new shirt. Everyone found it hilarious and accurate portrayal of him/his year. And then he told the whole office (2 doctors and 3 nurses) that he is now famous on the internet because i told bunch of people about him watching the show. And the doctor who is in charge of his case (the guy who did the surgery lol), looked at me, pointed at him and slowly went ‘you made him other people’s problem?’ And my brother proudly said ‘Yes, she did! *realized what was said* heeeeey, i can be quite a delight, just ask the people on the no porn site’ (yes, that is how he told them about tumblr). And my brother wanted me to let you all know that his cast has to stay on for another week, so he is very sad about that BUT the big news that he immediately looked at me (in the office in front of them btw) and went ‘you gotta tell my new homies about this’ was that in two weeks he has his final check up with his surgeon bc he wants to do all tests one last time and then if all is good which they believe will be, he can officially go home and back to his whatever tf normal life is for him. So looks like I’m losing my two roommates soon. Shit will be boring ngl.

Then the other more important thing! My brother had your blog opened on his tag, but i guess he went to check out the rest of the blog because he walked in this morning and went ‘did you fucking know that they write stories?! About Brian and Blondie? WHAT IS THIS? AND THERES SO MANY FUCKING COOL GIFS TOO. LIKE SHIT TON OF THEM! I saw one where Gale was talking in that interview about Prom and Blondie from that panel and then there were gifs from the episode and behind the scenes with it! That had to take for fucking ever! Do people just make them all the time? See? when *puts out one hand* Fandom and *puts out the other hand* love, come together *puts his hands together* beautiful things come to life.’

So he is currently going through your ao3/bookmarks but i did tell him to read your other fics before the new one.. Btw he didn’t move from the couch for a few hours after he discovered it. His favorites so far are: we didn’t know we could reach the stars (he thought that one was a very accurate portrayal of what Brian and Justin would be like if the writers didnt ruin it), clothes mean nothing until someone lives in them (he really enjoyed that one btw. He especially thought the ‘not the first boy to jerk off to thoughts of Brian in this bed’ was clever as fuck and literally went ‘ooohhh shit’ when he read it)

and Youre like a tattoo (he gasped when he realized the plot and went ‘ITS REVERSED!’). And when he finally made it to your new fic he fucking lost it (he had a tiny report on it)

I did show him your replies from previous messages and here’s the message from the guy himself (read this as if youre listening to a very caffeinated person pacing up and down, for accurate pov): I was a breath of fresh air for them? Fucking hell, so this fandom is in like a hibernation, huh? I’m fucked, aren’t I? Well anyway, thank you stranger for very sweet words. I fuck with this person! I think we’d be friends. I FUCKING LOVE LITTLE EDIE! Me and (his best friends name) always quote the ‘It was quite the scandal actually. It was in all the magazines at the time’ in Jinx’s voice whenever some random shit is asked. Them and their spouse sound like they’re fucking fun to be around. Wait you gotta tell them I read the stories they wrote, i’m still reading other people’s shit, i have a lot to catch up to. But that one that isn’t done yet is fucking brilliant. I mean they all are but I read that one twice! I had to watch the reunion episode from season 3 because it made me all nostalgic when they got back together. It’s exactly how I’d like the show to be. Its nice to read and go mhm thats my bri bri, unlike in the show where it was not my bri but an imposter. I also very much fuck with older Brian who has a beard and glasses. Because he looked pretty as fuck in that little comic con video. I’m excited to see how they end it and i really really hope that they had fun writing these stories because i had a lot of fun reading them. Anyway, tell them, they’re fucking cool, their stories are fucking dope, i also really liked that one about them sharing their clothes AND THE ONE WHERE BLONDIE WAS THE SUGAR DADDY! I fucking told you that will happen..i was just wrong as to where. And im glad to see that the *lifts his cast* ally, is catching on.

PS, we both got all ‘awwww’ and a little emotional ngl, when we read your response how you’ve been thinking of us while writing. And just so you know we spent all day today discussing your fics (when he got to the cliffhanger, he went ‘i am once again being teased just like with the love confession’) and some other fics from other creators that he read and enjoyed. The man is in awe. Every time he’d read a new chapter/fic he goes ‘this is the best thing ive read’ over and over.

Hello hello hello dear sweet anon and brother anon!

Thank you for your well wishes. My SIL tested negative this morning so we are officially in the clear (and can abandon our masks). I think we did a good job being responsible within the circumstances. Luckily, my SIL’s symptoms never got bad and the cold I arrived with (was it a cold or an intense allergic reaction to cleaning my apartment and kicking up all that dust?) never evolved into anything more unpleasant.

I love that we’re not the people on the “no porn site.” And we do all think he’s delightful. I’m glad he’s recovering well and can soon live independently from you but I imagine life will be a lot quieter and less chaotic without him and feline BriBri.

Yes! Gifs allow us to relive every moment of the series, draw parallels etc. Let’s give a hand to @sophsun1 who is basically carrying the fandom on her back with her beautiful gifs.

I am absolutely floored by his reaction to my fics. Thank you so much for passing along the kind words he had. I’m glad he like the 5+1 clothes sharing fic (I have such a soft spot for it), and We Didn’t Know We Could Reach the Stars is such an overlooked fic (I forget I wrote it!). AND of course Tattoo was my beloved fic this year.

The fandom isn’t in hibernation so much as it is small and basically zero new content has been released in eons and so it is a small fandom with nowhere near the works produced that large currently or recently active fandoms have (tbh those fandoms intimidate me - I will read GO fic but joining a discord or writing fic in there? so scary!).

“It was quite the scandal really…” is the other quote I say to my spouse on hair wash / hair turban days! I like to think we *are* fun to be around. Especially if quote RPDR S5 is your idea of fun. Then we’re a blast!

I do have fun writing fics. I bitch and moan and complain, but I love writing them and getting to put them out into the world. I’m even more excited to write and post the last chapter of Fireflies now that I know your brother has read it. And I’m delighted to hear that he thinks I kept his beloved BriBri in character (if we ignore WTF happened to his character in S5).

I’m honestly a little bit emotional from your PS. I write fics because I love to write them but hearing that you’re sitting around discussing them? I love writing them but I do want an audience (otherwise I wouldn’t publish them) and there are fics out there that I feel that way about (written by other people) so for my fics to be that to someone… just, I need a moment and a tissue.

*makes fist* ally

[chaifootsteps]

Hullo! It's SecretID!Alastor Anon, haunting your inbox with Alastor blether again:

I'll preface this with that this continues off of my rewrite AU ideas, Radio Demon's Identity-is-a-secret/unknown AU and wing amputee, peryton!Alastor who's been in survival (stressy) mode since his ass dropped into hell decades ago (is it bad that I kinda want Hell time and Earth time to have time dilation? 1:1 time ratio's kinda boring ngl).

For your consideration: Transman Alastor. He doesn't have physical antlers, they'd be shadow constructs and he can change their size and shape generally however he wants if he's got the magic/energy for it. I'm thinking of his powers being more shadow as well as radio-based (god his canon powers, design and motifs are so goddamn overcrowded, radio, shadows, eldritch-in-the-lovecraftian-sense, AND voodoo? holy fuck)? And maybe some shadow realm hammerspace for travel convenience (personal meat freezer and travel bag anybody?)? He'd be the kinda fellow who's always on the move, never stays in one place too long or too often and once a place's "safety" in his mind has been even partially-compromised he won't return to it for quite some time.

Also I had the design-idea of even replacing the black hairtips from canon with something like, bits of shadow crawling up his hair. Because he doesn't cast a shadow the normal way? He would keep his shadow off the ground, possibly hidden under his clothes, basically hugging himself tight (it could even help with holding himself upright whenever he's injured or weak/tired), leave no trace for predators to follow or tells for prey to see. Hell, maybe the shadow antlers are his shadow's hands but transformed and warped into different shapes? Can also resemble Radio Wireframe antennae or something sometimes?

And because I have nowhere else to put it, but, Alastor with the ability to steal voices and stories of people he kills in a certain way (certain criteria?) or something? Somethingsomething radio stuff? Idk how the radio and how sound design works, even with 30s or 30s adjacent tech, I feel like there's flavor to be found there of him being able to throw his (or someone else's) voice (or multiple voices). I can imagine him doing a wounded gazelle gambit but with voice throwing to lure a target somewhere more isolated.

I'm really in love with the idea of themes of Alastor being equal parts Hunter and Hunted, both in his behaviors and design. Shadows and radio, mostly heard, and if you DO see him, you either never knew he was there or it's too late (for you). Predator and Prey and awfully aware of it, the preference of low-risk moderate-reward ventures warring with that prey instinct that is equal parts hide/run away and beat the ever-loving shit out of that thing that looked at you vaguely threateningly. And it's not like these instincts come specifically from just, dying and his new form in Hell, but also based off of either experiences or exaggerated bits of Alastor's personality and the magic that formed his Hell-body going off of that or something idk.

Also, yanno another thing that could be interesting? What if in his life on Earth, he never even got to be on the radio? And the closest he ever got was being one of the studio crew or staff, or his 'crimes' being reported/talked bout on air (I'm kinda leaning more and more vigilante killer with Alastor, to tie further with the comic). But maybe he collected radios and tried making his own setup (a lot harder in the 1930s I'd imagine), practiced his voice and what his show would be like, but never got to be on the air no matter how hard he worked or tried, a dream forever unrealized (until Hell).

Random more down to earth (hah) stuff about my version of Alastor, besides cooking, hunting/tracking, and butchering/dressing down kills (whatever they may be), I could imagine him liking to sew or make clothes, something he could've done with his mother maybe? Or maybe he's just picked up some things from some trades he's worked in his life back on Earth when he was trying to work up into the radio business. Kinda a jack of several trades. Also this Alastor would drink his (at least, his version of) Respect Women juice, and Vaggie isn't excluded from this either (like I could imagine him annoying her a bit, but no ass slappage like canon, sorry not sorry). Also wing amputee things but, chronic residual limb pain? Or burns too, I haven't decided (sorry not sorry, I like my whump what can I say).

Also when trying to pitch the Radio Demon's deal to Charlie, Charlie can tell that Alastor himself was lying about Something, just not about what because idk I would imagine that everybody in Hell (and on Earth too) lies about things, even normal regular things. Charlie isn't that stupid, she's lived in Hell her entire life. Also okay, I really like the idea of her doing this entire plan all because she just wants Vaggie (can I rename her Aggie or something, pls) to be safe in Heaven and has no idea if this could work, they don't even know by what measure Heaven accepts people, much less condemned sinners ffs.

I would imagine that Alastor himself would be 'sending reports' to the Radio Demon (lol) as he helps the Hotel run better or something, with the Radio Demon making a few 'appearances' over the radios that start to populate the Hasbeen Hotel after the (informal?) alliance is started. There would be some mystery as to Why the Radio Demon wants to ally with this venture, because the boredom excused won't hold forever, and according to Niffty and Husk, Alastor has been in the Radio Demon's employ longer than they ever were, so who better to grill or watch for info? Any maybe, I would say that out of all his (relatively few, compared to other Sinners in the weight class that everyone assumes the Radio Demon is in) contracts, he likes Husk and Niffty the best (I mean, they've actually met Alastor as himself enough to sorta know him, even if they don't know he's the Radio Demon either, so that could say a lot). Idk what to do with his relationship to Rosie rn.

Thanks for listening to my ever-increasing Alastor blether again, thoughts, rebuttals or additions are welcome. <3

Loving all this blether! The part about Alastor drinking his respect women juice jumped out at me in particular, because I'm pretty sure Vivzie's under the impression that he already does. There's that comic where he saves a woman from being attacked and kills the guy who does it, but Vivzie also can't resist the urge to have him slap Vaggie on the ass because she thinks it's funny when characters are horrible to Vaggie.

A better writer would contrast the perfect gentleman Alastor thinks he is with the reality and also with Angel, who doesn't give a shit who he's rude to, but...Vivzie!

[gammaliminal]

A Whole Lotta Stuff I Wish More Media Would Use/Do (TM)

Just some tropes, aesthetics, environments, mechanics, and etc i wished more stuff did :)

more queer people and disabled people and DIVERSE people. MORE!! i will not accept tokens

for that matter more media where it's normalized to be diverse

more retrofuturism, especially 60s-80s retrofuturistic stuff, and oh my god dieselpunk and soviet futurism is WOEFULLY underused

liminal Zones of Exclusions i need, more of. i love it for reasons i can't quite articulate, plus also RIPE for cosmic horror

cyberpunk + magical realism. i have seen like, one example of it (shadowrun, and uh tbh that was so white and such a mess-) and this is just perfect for me. i loveeee cyberpunk and love magical realism and i dont see enough things do anything with this!

cosmic horror that goes in a more hopeful direction. like, more towards living life to the fullest rather then "DESPAIR IN THE FACE OF INSIGNIFICANCE!"

speaking of cosmic horror, if we are bugs to eldritch deities, then surely it isn't all bad? look at humans towards bugs and we don't just have "ew" or "whatever"; we also have "(Noises of abject terror)", "AWWW", "interesting!", etc

more supernatural monsterxnormal person parings. pls. i want more of this and i want more GAY versions. and also ones that aren't vampire pairings because i just find them kinda boring ngl (personal opinion)

more jukebox fuckups, more people of the current generation who are kinda fucked up but still roll on (totally not projecting here haha. ha)

as inspired by the recent game and an older game, Amnesia: The Bunker and Alien: Isolation, more horror games with weapons that almost are useless against your main enemy and are more strategic tools then weapons

more games based around being a deus ex machina in the literal translation ("ghost in the machine"), what i mean is like you know how in a lot of games you're given a companion that only talks to you on your radio and does what the protag cant? playing that person, the voice with an internet connection if you will

more surveillance-based media, like FNAF but not reliant on jumpscares

also more games need to rip off tf2 more. i haven't seen any game that even comes near to the similar feeling or tone

i want more games that don't depend on a photorealistic art-style as it's main draw. we desperately need WELL-DESIGNED games that don't put most of it's effort into looking photorealistically pretty (when the visuals aren't glitching out), graphics get dated but style is always relevant (mostly)

more creators which understand that "early-access" doesn't mean "alpha prerelease that we'll fix up within the next 12 month"

will probably add to more later tbh. this was very stream of conciousness sdjkhfs -Ξλ

[itgetsdark-x]

If You Want It, You Can Have It

Summary: After a long day of work, your loving boyfriend, Pedro surprises you with baked goods and takeout (and some super intimate, high sex).

Warnings: 18+ minors dni, unprotected p in v (established relationship), oral (m & f receiving), marijuana use / being high, just fluffy smut tbh, vaguely mentioned age gap.

Pairing: Pedro x f!reader

Word Count: 4K

A/N: I’ve never written for Pedro himself before and it felt kinda weird ngl buuuut I spoke about this with @jksprincess10 and I couldn’t resist writing it. I just know Pedro would be so clingy and cuddly when high, he would be full of bad jokes and holding you as close as possible (not to mention I just know this man eats pussy like his life depends on it, even more so when he’s high).

You sighed deeply as you entered your home, the one you lived in with your boyfriend, Pedro. It had been a stupidly long day at work, filled with meetings and arguments and setbacks at every corner, it felt like. Pedro had told you a million times that you could quit your job and focus on your art, he would support you through it but you weren’t wired that way, your money barely covered bills in the house but it made you feel like you could at least contribute in your own way. He admired that about you, most people would have quit their job at the first mention of it but not you. 

“Pedro? Honey?” You called out into the hallway of your home, you were sure Pedro had said he didn’t have anything on today and you were half expecting him to be curled up on the sofa asleep.

“In here, hermosa!” Pedro called out from the kitchen and you couldn’t help but smile at the pet name. 

You and Pedro had been together for a year or so now. You had been visiting New York for a work trip, your friends at work convinced you to not just sit in your hotel room all night and managed to drag you out to a couple bars; and my god, were you thankful for that now. It had all happened so quickly; you bumped into Pedro, physically bumped into him and split your drink down his, no doubt, expensive shirt and as they say, the rest was history. You spent the rest of the evening talking in a secluded corner of the bar, of course you knew who he was, you didn’t live under a rock but this man, he was so down to earth and caring from the get-go. You couldn’t quite believe he had shown such an interest in you, someone so normal, so plain, you thought but since that day Pedro had always looked at you as if you were the most exquisite piece of art. 

You wandered into the kitchen and dumped your work bag on the floor and your keys on the counter. Pedro was baking something, it smelled sweet and you couldn’t help but smile at the male. He was wearing baggy shorts, a black t-shirt which had flour stains on the front and as always, he was wearing those striped, coloured socks, the ones that he always wore, even with shorts, no matter how much you protested and told him they didn’t go or look right. 

He turned away from the oven and looked over at you, immediately he rushed to your side and brushed a strand of hair away from your face with a frown. Of course he knew when you had a long or bad day, he knew everything about you and anytime anything was wrong, he was there to fix it for you. He gently held your face with both of his hands and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of your nose before his plush lips placed a gentle peck to your own. 

“What’s happened, my love? You look exhausted. Beautiful… but exhausted. Bad day at work?” He asked with a frown, your hand came up to take one of Pedro’s and you gave him a soft smile, you still couldn’t believe how lucky you were to have him. 

“I am exhausted; yeah, long day at work, let’s just say that. I don’t wanna bore you with all the details.” You sighed, kissing the palm of his hand you were holding. “What are you cooking anyway? Still surprises me to see you in here, especially when everything tends to come out burnt.” You jested, nipping your teeth at the tip of his fingers. 

“You confusing yourself again, mi amor? We both know I’m the one who cooks and you’re the one… well, who burns.” He laughed softly, shaking his head fondly. “Anyway, I’m baking some brownies… you know, the special kind that helps you relax; I just had a feeling your day was going to be long so thought we could order in some takeout and get high together. If that’s something you want to do.”

You grinned at your boyfriend, his puppy brown eyes were soft and filled with such love as you gazed into them. You leant up to capture his lips in a slow, soft kiss and you smiled against him. 

“You, José Pedro Balmaceda Pascal, are truly perfect. Where would I be without you?”

Pedro laughed, it was a familiar noise that filled your heart with such love. 

“Probably in a dingy apartment, burning your food.” He teased, kissing your cheek before going over to the oven to pull out the hot brownies. 

“I take it back, you’re an ass.” You huffed. 

“You love it, now go upstairs, shower away the bad day, get into your comfy clothes and I’ll order in some Chinese. Happy with that, cariño?” Pedro spoke softly, placing the tray of steaming brownies onto the cooling rack. 

“Yes sir!” You grinned, saluting him before going upstairs to shower. 

—

After your shower you dressed yourself in some comfy pyjama shorts and one of Pedro’s old t-shirts, your hair was thrown up and you were comfy and content. The smell of the freshly baked brownies and Chinese food wafted through the air, inviting you into the living room; Pedro had spread out blankets and cushions on the floor, the curtains were drawn and candles were lit. It was the epitome of relaxation and home for you. 

“Pedro,” you sighed happily and placed yourself next to him on the floor as he handed you your favourite noodle dish. “You’ve done so much for me this evening… what’s going on? Are you about to tell me you’re leaving for six months to film again. I can’t take that news today, baby. Please tell me tomorrow morning.” 

Pedro waved a hand at you in a somewhat dismissive manner and he shook his head. “No, my love, I’ve seen how hard you’ve been working and I wanted to have a relaxing evening. Smoke a bit of weed, or eat those special brownies, relax and listen to some music and hey, I may even get lucky.” He teased, his fingers tickling into your side. 

You batted his hand away and sighed happily as you got stuck into your food, moaning in appreciation as soon as you had your first bite. 

“Still as good as the first time!” You said, a mouthful of noodles. 

Pedro grinned at you, he was just so pleased to see you eating properly again after the stressful past couple of weeks you had barely even eaten a full meal. He brushed some loose hair away from your face and kissed you before he started eating his own food. 

“So beautiful, even with your mouth full, mi amor.”

You rolled your eyes and let your back lean against the plush sofa cushions as you enjoyed your meal. There was one of your Fleetwood Mac records playing quietly in the background, the melodic music filled the empty space and it only relaxed you further, as if with every strum of the guitar strings more of your stress just melted away. 

—

You laid there, lazily as Pedro rolled you both another spliff to share. You had tried his brownies, of course they were amazing and already, you could feel the weed thrumming through your body. Your limbs were heavy and a dopey smile was plastered over your features. Your belly was full, your mind was relaxed and Pedro’s body was tightly pressed to your side. 

Pedro sparked up the spliff, the orange embers glowing in the darkened room and smoke filled the space between you both; he took a sharp inhale and held it for a few seconds before exhaling the herby smoke. You held your hand out slowly and made a grabby hand to take it, he obliged and handed it to you. You repeated the same motion as your partner before tapping the ash into a small ashtray between you both. 

“I fucking love you, have I told you that recently? I love you so much.” You mumbled, the words tumbling from your lips quicker than your brain could comprehend. 

“You tell me plenty, cariño. But I love you too, you keep me sane and I would be lost without you by my side and burning my food.” He grinned, it was boyish and handsome. 

“Oh my god, I get it, I suck at cooking. We can’t all be perfect, can we, Mr. Pascal.” You whined, slapping his arm lazily and passing him the spliff once again. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say perfect.” He smirked. “C’mhere.” He mumbled, tilting his head to motion you over. 

You happily obliged and quickly climbed into your boyfriend’s lap, your legs straddled his thighs and your arms loosely looped around his neck, your fingers toying with the soft curls at the nape. Pedro brought the spliff up to his plush lips, he sucked in a long inhale and held it for a few seconds before drawing you closer with this empty hand; you got the idea and parted your lips for him, he slowly exhaled into your open mouth and allowed you to inhale the smoke. It reminded you of being a teenager and trying weed for the first time with your ex-boyfriend and friends. Only now, you felt truly safe and you could entirely enjoy the high without panicking. 

Pedro stubbed out the spliff, discarding it into the ashtray and pushed it aside, his fingers held onto your hips and he let them dip under the hem of his shirt on your body. You smiled as his warm fingers danced over your delicate skin under the fabric of his shirt. You slowly dipped your head down to press a soft and sensual kiss to the male’s lips, Pedro sighed happily into the kiss as you shared the taste of the lingering marijuana between you both. Your tongue traced over his bottom lip before entering his mouth to be greeted by his tongue, you explored him eagerly as your body moved slowly. The kiss lasted, for what felt like, an eternity as your heavy limbs clung to Pedro for support. 

You could feel Pedro’s cock growing in his shorts and it made you whine, your mouth salivated with the thought of sucking his dick as his hands travelled further up into your shirt. His soft hands ghosted over your breasts, leaving goosebumps in their wake and your nipples hardened as you shivered in his lap. 

“I love hearing you.” Pedro whispered, his lips pressing soft kisses to the expanse of your neck. “Make some more pretty noises for me, please.”

Pedro gently grazed his teeth against your neck just as his hands found your breasts once again, his thumbs rubbed over your sensitive nipples and you moaned in wanton. He couldn’t help but smile against your skin as he elicited more moans from your lazy lips. 

“Pedro,” you gasped softly. “Let me show you how thankful I am for this evening.” You purred seductively, smirking as you shimmied away from his grasp and out of his lap. 

You knelt on the floor, grabbed the waistband of his shorts and gently pulled them down until they were discarded to the side of you both. His cock sprung up as soon as the material constricting him was gone, you licked your lips and gently wrapped your fingers around his hard cock. You gave him a few gentle strokes, your thumb swiped over the tip and you grinned when Pedro gasped loudly, his hips bucking up to meet your hand. You pushed his thighs apart until you were knelt between them and you quickly took the tip of his cock into your mouth, immediately your senses were flooded with Pedro, he’s all you could taste and all you could smell. 

Your tongue swirled around his head before you sunk your mouth down, he was big and you always struggled to take him in but it never stopped you from trying. You breathed deeply through your nose until the tip of Pedro’s cock was hitting the back of your throat, you gagged softly around him and Pedro stroked your hair in encouragement. 

“Fuck,” he cursed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, feels so good.” He hummed, his head lulling back until it hit the sofa behind him. 

You held back your smile as you heard the older male cursing above you and it only encouraged you to work his dick harder. You wrapped a hand around the base of his shaft and stroked him in time with your bobbing head; in a matter of minutes, Pedro was shaking above you, his tender hand held onto your hair for leverage. 

“Baby, stop. Fuck. Gonna cum if you carry on.” He mumbled, his voice shaky. 

You popped your mouth off his cock with a loud pop and looked up at him with a smug grin.

“Maybe I wanna make you cum, right in my mouth so I can taste you.” You whispered, climbing up his body again so you could kiss him. 

Pedro smiled back at you, his hand held your cheek and he kissed you back. 

“Nope, I wanna make you feel good, hermosa. I wanna hear your pretty little mouth as I cum deep in you. Maybe I should fuck a baby into you right here and now.” He said, his words making you shiver. 

“Fuck.” You cursed. 

“Gotcha.” He winked. “Lay down for me, beautiful. Let me make you feel good.”

“Wanna see you first, take off your shirt, please.” You whispered with your hands splayed out onto his broad chest. 

Even though you had seen Pedro numerous times before, there was something within him that was still insecure about his body, he was never forthcoming at removing his shirt. He always felt embarrassed by his slight tummy, you told him you loved it, you loved him. You had told him so many times how attractive you found him, and even if he wasn’t it wouldn’t change your feelings towards him. He always had the counter argument of you being younger and more beautiful, which in your mind, was absolutely ludicrous. 

He nodded slowly, his arms moved even slower to remove his shirt and suddenly you were greeted with the sight of Pedro’s bare chest; his tanned skin peppered with small freckles and hair. Your hands were on his skin immediately, hungrily exploring every perfect inch. Your dizzy mind found heaven within the expanse of his skin and you couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss at his chest. 

“Uh uh, my love. Don’t get distracted.” Pedro warned with a smirk. “Your turn to remove your clothes for me, my pretty girl.”

You nodded and followed suit, stripping yourself of Pedro’s shirt and your pyjama shorts; since you were at home, you weren’t wearing any underwear. Normally, a small part of you would feel vulnerable like this, naked and on display so willingly for your boyfriend but the fact that you were high helped with it. 

Pedro gently pushed your shoulders until you were laid on the cushions on the floor, he protected the back of your head before he could slide a pillow under you. You couldn’t help but smile at the tender motion and your hands softly traced over the vague muscles in his biceps, you couldn’t get enough of him and your fingers wanted to drink in every inch of his body. 

The older male stroked his fingers gently over your face and trailed them down your body, they briefly brushed over your hard nipples until he was at your vagina. He dipped his fingers through your slick folds which caused your back to arch off the ground, Pedro was laid on his side next to you and he gave you a dopey, high smile. His fingers found your clit almost instantly and he rubbed quick circles around your sensitive bud, it had pleasure erupting throughout your whole body. 

“Always so wet for me, mi amor. Drives me mad.” Pedro groaned as his fingers pleasured you quickly. 

“Babe, please. I need you, need to feel you in me. Please.” You whined as your head lazily rolled to the side. 

Pedro would normally argue with you, he would pin you down and pleasure you until you were a wet, squirting mess but not tonight. The marijuana was making him feel more intimate and loving, he wanted to be as close to you as possible, just anything to please you and make you happy. He removed his hand from you and positioned himself between your legs, his gaze locked onto yours with no hint of breaking it. 

He gave in, without a second argument, he pressed himself to your slick hole and pushed in slowly, so tortuously slowly and all you could do was lie there and whine. You let out a small hum of appreciation as Pedro bottomed out in you, the older male groaned lowly and smiled down at your face. You drank in his features, he warm eyes and loving smile, his greying beard and his out-of-control curly locks. You felt so much love for the male, so wrapped up in your adoration for him that for a split second you forgot where you were or what you were doing, that was until Pedro slowly withdrew his hips to pull himself out of you. 

Your head tipped back in pleasure and he gently held one of your hips in his hand whilst his other hand came up to cup your cheek tenderly. He brought your head back down so he could stare into your eyes again, he loved to see your face contort as he pleasured you further. Pedro rolled his hips sensually, with every thrust of his cock he edged you closer to your orgasm and he could tell, he knew every single one of your looks and with the soft gasps and moans falling from your lips, he knew you were already close. 

Your eyes fluttered shut, your limbs felt impossibly heavy but you held onto your boyfriend, his hand was still cupping your cheek and his thumb stroked over your flushed skin. 

“Look at me, hermosa. I wanna see you when you cum on my cock, look at me.” Pedro cooed softly, his voice like warm honey. 

You obliged to meet his gaze once again, his pupils were blown; from lust or from getting high, you weren’t sure but you knew yours were most likely the same. 

“Good girl. So beautiful.” 

You couldn’t help but smile up at him, as he continued to fuck you closer to your ecstasy. Pedro finally removed his hand from your face to drop two fingers to your clit, as soon as his hand made contact with your clit you wanted to shut your eyes and let pleasure fully take over your body but you didn’t, instead you kept your eyes locked on his. It felt like a matter of mere seconds and there you were, cumming all over his cock; Pedro helped you through it, praising you and slowing his thrusts down further. 

He pulled out of you completely, you could see his hard cock glistening with your juices in the flickering lights of the candles as he knelt back. You didn’t even have time to protest before he was leaning down to lick a stripe through your wet folds; your hands immediately found comfort in his soft curls and you moaned loudly, the noise echoing in the silent room. 

“God I love you.” He breathed into your core, his tongue lapping at your juices eagerly. 

You smiled, your body feeling as if it was floating in midair as Pedro pleasured you. Your fingers entangled further into his hair and you ground your hips down softly onto his face. Pedro smiled against you as your hips moved, he loved how eager you got to chase your high. 

“You’re so perfect. Taste perfect too, hermosa.” Pedro groaned, his voice breathy and rugged. 

Pedro wrapped his lips around your sensitive bud, his moustache tickled at you but you were soon pulled from that thought as he suckled at your swollen clit. The tip of his tongue flicked on it as he sucked at you, your head was swimming and your eyes closed shut as your hips bucked up to meet Pedro’s mouth further. 

“Pedro, papi… fuck. Gonna cum.” You whimpered as Pedro brought you closer. 

“Cum for me then, mi amor.” He whispered against you, resuming his previous position of his lips. 

One last final flick of his tongue and you were seeing stars, your fingers gripped at his soft hair weakly, holding his head in place as you found you’re high on his face. Your greedy hole fluttered weakly around air as you craved for Pedro to fill you once again. 

“Fill me up,” you breathed as Pedro lapped at your arousal softly. “Please.”

Pedro peered up at you, his soft brown eyes were blown with lust and his own highness. He repositioned himself and lined himself up with your hole, he bottomed out in you quickly with a deep groan. 

“I’m not going to last long, baby. Fuck, you’re so perfect. So beautiful, my love, you’re everything.” Pedro mumbled, his face was buried into your neck and he peppered soft kisses to your skin there. 

His hips rolled sensually, everything felt all too good and simultaneously not enough, you needed to feel closer to Pedro. Pedro’s hands You’re wrapped your arms around your lover and held him closer, Pedro hummed in appreciation at your embrace as he drove his cock into you deeply. 

“I love you.” You whimpered. “I love you so much.” 

You were shaking as you held onto Pedro, you could tell he was getting closer by the way his hips faltered and he kept his thrusts short and deep. He made soft noises into the skin of your neck, they were soft whimpers and it only made your heartbeat quicken, a sense of pride flushed over you as you were the one to make him feel this way, you were the one to have him falling apart at the seams in your arms. 

“That’s it, baby. Cum in me, please. Want all of you. Feels so good, I need it. Please.” You cooed. 

Pedro bit softly at the skin on your neck as he came, you felt the first hot spurts of his cum deep inside of you and you moaned at the sensation of finally having his release into you. Your arms held him tighter, his face nuzzled into your neck further and he kissed along your jaw as he worked himself through his orgasm. 

“Cariño,” Pedro sighed as he rolled onto his side with a soft wince. “Thank you. You’re amazing.” He kissed your cheek and held your face in his hand as his thumb smoothed over your bottom lip. 

“You’re amazing.” You corrected him before you leant in to press a soft kiss to his lips with a dazed smile spread over your face. “I need to go shower again, I’m all messy and sweaty. Plus I need to come down from my high a little otherwise I’m gonna be a big mess for work tomorrow.” You laughed softly. 

Pedro continued to stroke your face, smiling at you the entire time. 

“Fine but afterwards we should get into bed and watch a movie or something. Something funny! And I want snacks! I think we have those chips you love from the UK in the pantry or those chocolates we both like. Maybe I have some of those Chilean cookies I love!” Pedro listed, his brain working quicker than his mouth could. 

“You’re such an excitable little puppy sometimes, babe.” You laughed and shook your head fondly at your boyfriend. “I heard The Bubble on Netflix is meant to be pretty good, kinda funny or something. All I know is there’s a super hot guy in it. Pedro something.” You teased, winking at the male as you slowly stood up from the floor. 

“I dunno… I heard that movie sucks.” Pedro grinned up at you and took your hand to follow closely behind you. 

The rest of your night was spent making out lazily in the shower followed by lying in bed together and watching a romantic comedy in bed whilst you continued your high-school make out session. The air was filled with ‘I love you’s’ and sweet nothings before you fell into a deep and peaceful slumber. 

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[sugaimhome]

mars - chapter one

genre : sci - fi, lots of smut, fluff, angst, slight yandere ngl

pairing: ot7 non idol bts x reader (this one focuses on taehyung)

summary: you’ve been friends with the members of the mars exploration team for years now, despite having known them for so long new feelings emerge in the isolation of life on mars.

warnings: sexual content, oral (female receiving) , fingering, slight dom + sub thingy going on, voyeurism.

words: 2.2k

A/N - i’ve proof read but I don’t have a proof reader so its a bit of a shit show i can imagine. i also haven’t quite figured out the timeline of this in my head so if it keeps changing i’m sorry [:

part: 1/?

“Palaeontologist and Genesisit to command room please” Taehyung calls over the speaker.

“Couldn’t he have just said my name?” you ask Yoongi who is, as you were a moment ago, half way through writing a sentence in his report paper. He just shrugs, only half listening. You tell him you’ll be back in 10 minutes, he doesn’t reply to that either. You sulk on the way to the command room, wishing you didn’t get ignored by Yoongi all the time.

The walk across the centre courtyard was chilly, you wish you’d picked up your jacket from the back of your office chair, you cross your arms and pick up your pace. It takes two times for your fingerprint to scan, your cursing under your breath when the door finally opens into the lobby, the air sucks around you, the familiar beeping of the “clean” buzzer allows a rush of warm air to hit you. You exhale in relief. 

“Good morning Palaeontologist and Genesist” Taehyung smiles from behind his computer screen. He looks like he’s up to mischief. 

“Do you want to keep calling me by my formal name or are you going to address me normally?” you ask, a tad of annoyance in your voice.

“I don’t know, all the “ist’s” make you sound cleverer than you are, and we’re broadcasting this home so formal is the code is it not, Palaeontologist and Genesit?”

Your heart drops. A broadcast home? You suddenly feel guilty for making Taehyung look disrespected. “Yes sir” you agree as you sit down. A light smirk covers his lips.

“Headquarters requires your report.” he pauses, pushing his glasses back onto his nose and biting his lip. “The report that's already late.”

Inside you're panicking, but you manage to calmly say. “I’ve been struggling to report on something that hasn’t changed. Animal DNA is still as stable as it was two months ago. Animal behaviours seem normal, other than the mating season,” a blush covers your cheeks. “Everything is how we would expect” Taehyung raises an eyebrow at you, the final straw in your decision to give him a punch later. “Sir” you finish. He presses the spacebar on his computer.

“Brilliant, thank you Y/N I'll send it off now” he's still smiling. 

“You, Kim Taehyung, are insufferable” you resort. He only chuckles. 

“I have a mission for you” You’re suddenly a lot more interested than you were a moment ago. You had been getting bored of doing the same thing over and over again, a mission sounded wonderful. “Can you send a voice over for everyone to meet here, we have an new announcement from HQ”

Though a small mission you’re happy to comply, pressing the voice over button and voicing over the speakers. “Can Botanist Yoongi, Biochemist Seokjin, Doctor Namjoon, Geologist Jimin, Hydrologist Jungkook and Marine Biologist Hoseok make their way to the command room.”

“Very funny” Taehyung comments sarcastically before snatching the still running audio device from you. “Hurry up Mars Expedition Team, we have headquarters news and a change of mission to report.” He turns the device off.

“Bet that Jungkook is the first here.” you suggest.

“Bet that Yoongi is last.” He replies. You admit, his bet is probably more likely. 

“What are we betting on?” you smile as he leans over you to place the audio device back where it belongs on his desk. He whispers into your ear, 

“If you lose you have to give head, and if I lose I have to give head.” He suggests, your breath gets caught in your throat. It's been like this for months now, this back and forth, you're just about to agree when the buzzer goes off in the hatch and Jungkook walks in. He almost swaggers into the room, he mentions something about being first as you move a professional distance from Taehyung with a smile on your face. 

Jimin is next, "I was in the middle of a sample experiment,"

"Sorry doctor rocks" Jungkook taunts, he gets a gentle slap around the head as a response and as he's fixing his hair the buzzer rings again. 

"Look who I found in the courtyard" it's Hoseok, followed by Yoongi, who after scouting the people in the room looks extremely proud to not be last. He scrunches his nose a little.

As he greets everyone you can almost feel Taehyung's annoyed aura. Yoongi had redeemed himself after ignoring you earlier. 

Namjoon and Jin filter in a couple minutes later, both complaining about being in the middle of something.

“This better be good” Yoongi claps his hands. Rubbing them together in mock excitement, or perhaps genuine excitement, you could never tell with him. 

“They are debating moving on to phrase two” Taehyung announces and in response the whole room falls quiet.

“You’re having a laugh” Seokjin's mouth almost falls open in shock.

“Nope” Taehyung looks torn, this experiment has been the sole reason for his existence for the past 5 and a half years, but he is as aware as the others that this operation is still very new, and could easily take a curveball. In response the room interrupts into complaints and worries, theories and gaps in theories. “The final vote comes down to us, we just have to write it in our next reports.” Taehyung reveals.

“It's madness” you say, everyone is on the same train of thought as you.

“Considering we are on the same page, this meeting is dismissed. See you all later.”

“Hoseok, Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi and I will be out on a scouting mission this afternoon Taehyung” Jimin announces, it had been a while since he had needed more experimental material, Taehyung only nods.

“See you in the morning then team.” One by one everyone slowly filters out the room, you give Taehyung a smile and wink before exiting behind Yoongi. He looks annoyed.

…

It was often that other members of the team went out to scout for material, be it within the terrarium or not it gave you the time to be alone for just a moment. As you walk to Taehyung's office you bump into Jungkook.

“Good Evening y/n” he greets you. “Fancy a movie after dinner tonight?”

“Sounds good, I heard there was a new Marvel movie, do you think it would have been uploaded to our satellites yet?” you ask, hoping to keep him occupied for half an hour so you could receive your winnings from the bet.

“I’ll have a look,” he responds, smiling. “See you later Y/N”

Jungkook had a special place in your heart, though not much younger than you he always felt as if he was much younger than he was, he was so polite, didn’t understand naughty jokes and was sometimes so oblivious to the world you just wanted to keep him safe. It is often you were the one to give him a nudge in interviews when he zones out or starts swinging on his chair or something. He can never keep still. Though you don’t think of him for long as your mind wanders to Taehyung again. 

This time your walk across the courtyard was less chilly, you’d made sure to pick up your jacket and over the day the sun had slowly warmed the biosphere. Your fingerprint scans on the first attempt, it must be a good omen. 

The command room is empty. You can’t help but feel betrayed by Taehyung. Perhaps he had gone out with the others and hadn’t got the chance to communicate it across to you? You shrug, about to leave when you feel the urge to sit at his desk. The budget of this experiment had, in places, put a halt on the comforts of the place. Taehyung's office chair was memory foam and the most comfortable of them all. After slumping down into the chair it's obvious that Taehyung has been here very recently, it's still warm. The budget definitely did not have leverage for heated chairs. “Taehyung?” you call, half expecting him to appear from under a meeting chair or even to fall from the ceiling. You look up to check just in case. 

“Tae?” you call again. No reply.

You huff. You’d been looking forward to this all day and hadn’t planned to be playing hide and seek. You debate leaving to find Jungkook for that movie night when the buzzer goes off in the Lobby and Taehyung is revealed leaning back against the outside door.

You freeze, feeling suddenly guilty. 

“Like a deer in headlights” he comments. “Were you going to sit there all night and wait for me?”

“I’ve only been here two minutes” you reply, trying to sound confident, but your voice is wavering a little. Cursing yourself, you move to stand up. “I suppose you’ll want your chair back.” 

“No, I quite like you there.” Taehyung replies. “Plus you’re missing a word”

Heat rushes to your cheeks “Sir.”

“Good Girl” he murmurs, walking into the room. He runs his hand along the top of all the meeting chairs, when he reaches the one with your name intricately inscribed into its back he pulls it out and sits down. Your stomach tightens. You’ve switched roles but somehow Taehyung holds all the power. “I was thinking about our deal earlier-” 

“Bet” You interrupt, there is a difference between a bet and a deal. A deal is a mutual agreement, a bet when one comes out over the other.

“I was thinking about our bet then.” he continues, leaning forward on his chair, you never quite realised how close your chairs were in meetings. 

“You were?” you ask in anticipation.

He doesn’t reply. After a few moments he stands from your chair, walking around the table to stand in front of you in his chair. Butterflies flutter around your body, your skin painfully goosebumped. Resorting to wiggling in your chair to get even a drop of pleasure and contact, Taehyung turns his lip up at you.

“So pathetically desperate” he comments “It’s disgusting.”

He drops to his knees, causing you to suck in a breath as he uses the palms of his hands to pull your legs apart. “I think it's unfair you get all the pleasure tonight.”

He’s undoing the button of your pants now, taking his time to pull down the zipper. As you rise to let him pull them down around to your ankles you comment “don’t be such a sorry loser”

He hums, pressing a thumb to your clit. The sudden contact is shocking and you try to push back on the wheels of the chair but they're locked. “So desperate to be touched and now you want to move away?” 

“I’m sensitive” you hiss, in response Taehyung only pushes his thumb harder.

“You’re all swollen.” 

“Been thinking about it all day, sir” you whine, no longer caring if you sound desperate.

“I bet they could all smell you” he comments, looking away from your cunt to mark your reaction.

“Don’t be silly Tae.”

“Bet they all wondered who got you all worked up” He presses little kisses to the inside of your knees, slowly working up your thighs. You have no words to respond with. “I am uncomfortable here, move to the desk.” 

Part of you wants to decline him, you like the feeling of being in his chair, but he had made it clear when you started this, he was in charge. So you do as you're told, accepting his hand as you sit bare on the edge of his desk. “Perfect” he says as he pulls his chair in front of you, pulling on the lever so he's at the lowest level. He leans forward and presses a kiss right to your clit. You jump in anticipation, one hand flying to the messy mop of his hair and the other to his desk, you knock something on your hand, distantly something makes a clicking noise. You quickly forget as he runs his tongue from your entrance to your clit, whilst circling the bud a few times he toys one finger at your entrance. “Already dripping wet.” he smirks, you're almost embarrassed and attempt to shut your legs.

“Don’t be shy.” he groans, your legs prevented from closing with the width of his shoulders “it’s hot.”

“Mmh” you respond, earning a low laugh from him. 

“You like that huh? Being so bare and vulnerable in front of me?” Taehyung had always been so good at saying the correct things, in making everything seem so much more sensual with a few words.

With the intensity of the moment you can only nod.

“Wonder if your legs would stay open if someone else came in right now” 

Involuntary you clench. “Huh?” you ask. He pushes a finger inside you, wiggling it about a little. His finger feels so soft inside of you.

“Would you let them touch you?” he's looking right up at you now, eyes locking with yours, waiting for a reaction.

You shake your head but your cunt pulses, giving you away. You whimper, how did you become so vulnerable? So needy? When did you start falling for Taehyung's traps?

“Whore” He sneers. Pushing another finger into you. “So dirty. Would let all the members touch you.”

You shudder, his fingers begin to move in and out your pussy. “What about Jungkook? He's not gone out tonight” 

You shake your head, a moan that had been stuck in your throat escaping. “Would you let him fuck you over my desk as I watched?”

“Taehyung you-” he interrupts your flow of words by removing his fingers and giving a slap to your pussy.

“I know” he continues as he pushes his fingers back in, three this time. “You don’t want cock.” his other hand comes to circle your clit. In shock you almost fall back on his desk. “But you want tongues and fingers, and if we had them you’d want all the toys in the world, wouldn’t you?” You have no words, not even a moan to give him. 

“That's what I thought” he smirks. He moves to place his tongue on your clit but you tangle a hand in his hair, stopping him in his tracks.

“Too much” you whine, starting to feel the knot in your stomach tighten. 

“Why would I care, this is what you wanted isn’t it?” he questions, using his free hand to remove your fingers from his hair and holding your hand in his, there’s nothing romantic in the gesture it's just restrictive. You moan. 

He smirks in response, kissing the side of your thigh before attaching his lips to your bud. You go to say something, anything, to get him to calm down but instead of words moan after moan escapes your lips.

There was one thing about Taehyung, he was cocky. Every time his head or fingers were between your legs you tried to not let it show how pleased you were, he’d never let you forget it. Today, moans tumble off your lips with no remorse. He smirks against you, humming in humour, the vibrations echo up your core.

You crumble. Everything goes black around you, white spots dance in the corner of your eyes and your body shakes in pleasure. Taehyung doesn’t let up his attack. You're overstimulated when you try to move away from him. He stops you with one hand around your ass. “One more, Y/N”

“Can’t-” you say, your voice betraying you. The initial overstimulation pain dwindles away and intense pleasure starts again. 

“Pretend I’m Jungkook this time” He says, twisting his fingers to hit a new angle inside of you and you're falling apart again. Your core is clenching and unclenching around Taehyung's fingers, or was it Jungkooks? You're so far out of it, neck thrown back, you can’t even remember who's between your legs.

“Fuck me” Taehyung laughs, it’s a smile you don’t see on him often. “That was something else”

Your voice is hoarse. You can’t speak.

“It's a good job everyone went out, I’ve never heard you moan so much” You blush in response.

“Sorry” you mumble. “Was good, thank you”

Your brain seems miles away from you, it could be at home on earth for all you know, the room was blurry, Taehyung's movements as he pulls you from the table and pulls your trousers back up seem distant. You focus on using your wobbly legs to keep upright. He’s so close, with his arms around your armpits to keep you upright, it looks like you're about to kiss but that would be pushing the boundaries, wouldn’t it? You can feel his breath on your lips though. 

Then he’s gone, you're sure you fall asleep, when you wake up 5 minutes later, you're sitting on your meeting chair and Taehyung is nowhere to be seen. You curse under your breath.

parts: masterlist 

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[bluebellhairpin]

In the Life of

Batfam X Batmom!Reader

A/N: Behold, my latest Batmom braindump. - Nemo

Summary: A collection of goings-on’s of Wayne Manor, some dating back to... a while ago. 

Warnings: Kidnappings. Jason’s death mentioned. It’s mostly a crack fic though ngl there. 

Listening to: ‘You Might Think’ by The Cars - ‘You might think I'm delirious, the way I run you down. But somewhere sometimes, when you're curious, I'll be back around.’

Series Masterlist 

Masterlist  

Damian only calls Batmom ‘Mother’ when something is wrong, otherwise it’s Ummi and Ummi only. 

Mind you, ‘something wrong’ can range from ‘this gala is boring, Jason’s getting on my nerves, and I seek your comfort until we go home’ or ‘I’m on a livestream ‘cause I got kidnapped and I’m worried about my wellbeing and the wellbeing of the other with me’. 

Reading the context is often rather useful. 

- 

Dick has a cereal box collection hidden in his wardrobe. He likes trying new brands and flavors, but only his favorites get saved into his stash so he remembers that he thought they were ‘exceptional grains’. 

Only Alfred and Batmom know about it. 

- 

One of Jason’s favorite games to play when he visits is seeing how long it takes Tim to realize he isn’t re-topping his coffee mug himself and that it’s actually Jason. 

The record was gained with the help of Damian (duelly noted in the whole household as the longest one time they got along), and it took him almost twelve days to realize. 

Bruce was happy Jason stayed for so long at once. 

Batmom wasn’t happy at how much coffee Tim drank. 

Tim doesn’t actually like coffee. 

-

Batmom gives Alfred nights off cooking. She cooks dinner and Alfred doesn’t know what to do with himself for a few hours ‘cause she banned him from stepping or loitering near the kitchen. 

Jason often helps. It’s prime mother/son bonding time and Jason is very pleased that Damian hasn’t figured that out yet. 

Tim often sits near the door on guard duty on these nights just to make sure. Alfred is one sneaky butler.

-

Most family members have rather normal names for each other in their phone contacts. Not Jason. Jason is different. Here’s some of them;

Trust Fund Middle-Aged Man - Bruce

The Exorcist - Dick (’cause of a unmentionable reenactment the spider walk scene)

Megamind Kinnie - Tim

Demon Spawn - Damian (duh)

Angel on Earth - Cass

Ma (with five heart emojis on either side) - Batmom

My Dream Father - Alfred

-

When Cass joined the household, everyone took it differently. Like there were thoughts about how things changed, and then how they actually were. 

Dick thought he’d get someone to gossip with. He did not. 

Jason and Cass made a book club. It mostly consists of Jason babbling about plot holes and Cass pointing out her favorite lines. 

Tim got someone to keep him company when he stays up late. It makes him feel guilty and he hasn’t gone to bed later than 2 am ever since. 

Damian got a ‘worthy’ sparring partner. He was quite surprised the first time he landed on his back. 

Bruce got a ‘daddy’s girl’. A nice fifth shadow to add to his collection, and just to prove it she is very good at sneaking up on people. 

Batmom finally got a girl. 

Alfred was also shocked at Bruce bringing home a girl. He thought Batmam only had boys, but he was much too happy to be proven wrong. Even if he is a little protective. 

-

Batmom used to be very close the the Gotham City Sirens, and the Birds of Prey. They still go out of ‘Ladies Nights’. 

It was only until after Damian showed up, and he asked when she went that they actually found out about them. 

Bruce had never asked, and the others never knew. 

Except for Alfred. 

Alfred always knows. 

Jason was very jealous when he found out about it. Getting to spend time with more than one badass woman at once? He can only dream. 

-

Duke and Steph - they’re not a permanent member of the household, even though Batmom literally offers every time either comes and visits.

Bruce wonders why, mainly because he’s the one who adpots the children in this family, not Batmom. 

‘Up you game Wayne, I’m just getting in before you for once.’ - Batmom

Steph says no cause of ‘independence’ when really she just kinda doesn’t want to be around Tim. For reasons. 

Duke doesn’t know why he says no. Some underlying fear of becoming a Robin like all the other Wayne kids maybe? 

-

Batmom and Selina Kyle have unresolved and unspoken tension. 

It’s common knowledge that Batman and Catwoman had a thing going for a while, but Batmom always had a thing with Bruce Wayne. Still does and that the difference. 

Either way, they don’t let something as trivial as a man get in the way too much. They know their strengths, and if push comes to shove they work together. 

They make an eerily good team, and it scares Bruce to think about what they might’ve done to him if they were closer friends and he treated them any less than he did. 

-

It’s obvious by now that each member of the Batfamily have a corresponding 'super’ best friend.  

Bruce and Clark Kent. Tim and Kon El. Damian and Jon Kent. Dick and Wally West. Jason and Bizaro? 

Batmom had to resist mothering Bizaro the first time she saw him. 

Alfred also has one, he gets along rather well with Martian Manhunter and no one knows why. 

Birds of the feather flock together, and Batmom and Diana Prince are also rather close. Batmom often jokes to Bruce that if the offer came she’d leave him for her. 

-

Jason’s death has been - to date - the cause of the biggest rift between Bruce and Batmom. 

After Bruce came home that night, Batmom suck around for a little while, long eough for the funeral, before she went MIA. 

It took weeks for Bruce to track her down, and months before he was able to coax her back. 

And then that was only per Dick and Alfred’s added request.

The time she was gone, Bruce was worried, since before she left she expressed her newfound rage towards the Joker. Even though her time away was spent tracking down the Joker in an effort of vengeance, she was unsuccessful and ended up coming home. 

It was almost her Batman Villain story. 

Only once Tim entered the picture did things start to go back to normal between them both again. But they ended up coming back stronger than ever. (Aw) 

-

Tim has a list of which people are most useful in a tough situation. There are multiple lists, for a number of these kind of situations. The general list - the list for ‘we don’t know what’s happening but this person is who I want with me’ - goes as follows. 

It only has the batfamily members that are usually on-hand. 

Batman is first. 

Rather obvious, but Bruce is an all-rounder. He taught them all most of what they know. 

Red Hood is second. 

Jason spent a while on his own hence can handle himself very well, he’s still got connections, and compared to everyone else he’s built like a tank. 

Red Robin is second. 

This is out of Tim’s thoughts, but he’s smaller, got the glider wings, and he’s the smartest out of everyone. 

Nightwing is fourth. 

Flexible. Experienced. Team player. But he’s not as brutal as Bruce or Jason can act and that can be a drawback. 

Valentine (Batmom) is sixth. 

She hasn’t worked in the field in a long time, but she’s kept up the training. Lack of field work is the only downside seen, except for ‘that’s my mom’. 

Robin is always second last.

Tim and Damian do not get along in day-today life, and even if they do put that aside in the field, it’s still not good for tight spots. 

Alfred is last. 

Not because he isn’t useful. Alfred has no alter-ego and Tim hasn’t confronted the butler about it yet. 

-

Bruce got Alfred flowers on Fathers day once. 

Not only did Alfred tear up, but so did Bruce. And Dick. 

Dick ran outside and grabbed a handful of daises and brought them in for Alfred too and they all defiantly cried after that. 

Series Taglist; @natatawa-ako @marvelous-glims @padfoot-siriusly-approves​ @princesscornbread​ @eternalharry​ @mysticchopshop​ 

Taglist is Open! 

[ballorawan740]

SCP Scenarios: When their kids swear at them (REQUESTED)

Main Masterlist | SCP Scenarios Masterlist | My Works Masterlist | Rules | Request | Socials | My Original Post

Requested by: @Astro_KeySimp

WARNING: Swearing (sorta)

Ok so I kinda made the reader into the child since don't remember if you wanted the reader to be a child or not, so if it wasn't to your liking, then I'm sorry, but I can make a separate version on where the reader isn't the child

It kinda became more of the SCPs and doctors being dads than their reaction to their kids swearing

SCP 073 (Cain)

Cain was walking around with you since you were bored and there wasn't anything to do

Being unaware of what some of the staff were saying, ye went over to grab you some food for later in case you got hungry

Once you both went back, he watched you play with some Legos and was talking as if it was your Lego friends talking to you

Cain looked away for just 10 seconds and heard you shout out "Wow! He said that her baby's such a bi-" which shocked him as he heard it

Cain looked around and made sure that nobody was around the room and was somewhat surprised that you was the one saying this

Being a good dad he is, Cain explained to you carefuly that you shouldn't say that word because it's bad

And being a sweet shy child, you obliged and stopped saying the word

Til this day, Cain had no idea about where and who you've heard the word from and is very much more self-aware

SCP 076-2 (Abel)

Abel is that type of dad who would teach you all the bad words and encourages you to say them

It's the researchers who had to teach you top not to say those words

One time, Dr Glass came in to examine you and had rewarded you as usual since you were so cooperative

You drew a picture of you and Abel talking in a garden with bright coloured flowers

Simon asked if he could see your drawing and saw that the conversation you and your dad had was those of swearing

This surprised Simon since you knew so many at such a young age but wasn't totally shocked since he knew that you were Abel's child

And knowing him, he wouldn't teach you to be nice, so Simon took the job as a mother hen and taught you to not use those words around people

SCP 999 (Tickle Monster)

Ok, so I'll keep this SCP short since I, again, don't know what I should write for this adorable, squicky, neon-orange, bubby blob

Another SCP who doesn't cuss

This adorable squishy boi here was about to have a heart attack when he heard you swear fir the first time

He had to ask you worryingly where you heard that phrase and you just said some guy wearing a white jacket

999 sighed knowing that you'll grow and couldn't do anything to stop it

He did, however, mention that you should try and avoid saying those things to anyone and that they'd most likely have a heart attack since you were his child and you won the genetic lottery for being the cutest and outgoing child in the world

The only other person who knew of this was Dr Glass (sucks to be him ngl, he do be a mother to everyone) and he had to help poor 999 with teaching you better words

SCP 682 (Hard to Destroy Reptile)

YAY! Another SCP who would teach their kid to swear

682 has such a dirty mouth like 076 and would 100% teach you all the words he knows

Similarly to what happened with Abel, you were taken for an interview with Dr Sophia Light since she was assigned to you

She's such a sweet and kind doctor to be around and would teach you anything and everything you would probably need to know all the while keeping an eye on you in case you become overly aggressive like 682

You were just eating some sweets Lights had given you for good behaviour and overheard some researchers swear

Remembering what your dad had taught you, you just repeated those curse words while clapping at your achievement

This had shocked Sophia and that researcher since you were known to be a moderately shy and quiet child who normally wouldn't say those things despite being 682's child

Sophia had to ask if you understood the meaning of those words and shook your head as an indicator for no

She had to carefully find her words and told you to never speak of those words again and took you back to 682's cell

You went and hugged your dad and told him that you learnt from the doctor that those curse words were bad and neither of you should say them

682 had a headache after that

SCP 049 (Plague Doctor)

I have a hard time thinking that 049 would teach his child to cuss and would avoid swearing in front of them at all cost

Like, he barely swears anyways but he wants to stay classy and sassy for his innocent child

Just like the other day, his kiddo, you, was curious about the whole surgery thingy he does on the dead bodies, so you asked him to teach you and so he did (like the good father we nevah had)

So you learnt some new, yet difficult, words (cuz we all have a nonexistent pea-sized brain) and somehow, you managed to fit in a curse word

This did surprise 049 as he had remembered that he didn't teach you those foul words

He had to give you a talk about using such words and you teared up since you thought that people used them to express their affection to others

Unsurprisingly, 049 took his sweet time looking for the guy who 'taught' you this and wanted to use him as a case study for your future lessons

SCP 035 (Possessive Mask)

Another parent with such an amazing influence on children

035 would teach and enable you to use swearing as a form of expression

So you were free to say whatever you want as long as they aren't directed to our mask here, especially if it's in a negative way

Otherwise, you'd be punished (No not like that! He'll just ground you from your favourite TV show/movie)

The researchers were surprised, not about you swearing, but how you use them through expression

Except for this poor guy who was new to the foundation and bumped into you by accident

This rookie found himself listening to you cursing like a sailor (maybe not that much but more or less on the same level as Samuel L Jackson)

Word got out and everybody laughed at the poor rookie and told him more about your background and how you love to swear (apparently swearing will prolong your life, so you'll basically be immortal here)

035 was impressed by the whole ordeal and rewarded you with more shows to watch whenever you're both free

SCP 105 (Iris)

Iris would accidentally swear in front of you and whenever she realises it, she would tell you to not swear at people since it wasn't very nice

So she would use words to replace the swearing like "oh fudging hell not now" and "no sugar honey ice tea"

The foundation felt that it was slightly unnecessary but went with it anyways

They'd even go as far as saying that it's ridiculous, but who are they to judge?

Iris was your mother and she's a single mum too, so she felt the need to be overly beating but would occasionally let you decide on your own since you were only 12

The foundation members did tell her that you will eventually grow and more of these words will be used but she just hesitates

As a teen, you did begin to use foul words more often and Iris would argue about how you're using them, especially towards her, your own mother

Needless to say, you both felt bad and made up

SCP 106 (Old Man)

Now this old man right here doesn't exactly speak, or at least very rarely

And if he does, he'll most likely be talking to you or the foundation staff if he needed some help finding you

He'll most likely be able to understand what the researchers are saying, even if they aren't speaking English

My own personal hc is that 106 understands English, German, Spanish, French, Chinese, Arabic and Indonesian and probably many others

Every now and again, somebody would come in and teach you new words and give other lessons like maths and poetry (our favourite)

You came back home to tell him all the things you've learnt as he watched you in awe as he braided your hair

You've even used some new phrases, including swear words while talking and 106 was pretty impressed

I feel that he's quite neutral with swear words since words are words and are used as a form of verbal communication

So I don't think they'll be much change in his behaviour to whether you're swearing or not

SCP 096 (Shy Guy)

Now with 096, all he does is scream

So basically, somebody else would have to teach you some words

It's not to say that 096 is a dumb animalistic creature with no soul and just kills people who look at his face

He isn't stupid since he manages to find anyone who looked at his face from the other side of the globe

And he seems to understand what the researchers are saying, or at least on a more intermediate to moderate level

You'll learn about swear words from the other researchers, whether they'll be teaching it to you intentionally or you've overheard them

The foundation could really care less, but would at least prefer that you chill a bit if you got carried away

096 would act all cheery when you learn more new things as it's not like the foundation would let him out anyway, so he'll be living the outside world life from you (How relatable, but more with babysitting and dating, cuz I'm too pretty for anyone to date XD)

Like with 106, I don't think 096 would have any special reaction towards swearing, but would probably be screaming internally for a bit since he knows that it isn't a nice word

Dr Jack bright

This mf right here is one of those parents who would be kind but firm

Bright would most definitely give in to your curiosity and teach you whatever you want to learn but would warn you of the dangers

Depending on what it is, he would even go as far as giving you your own personal guard who would stay with you and train you

And unfortunately, this guard has such a foul mouth, so you're constantly exposed to such words

Luckily for the both of you, Jack Bright doesn't really care about swearing as long as you're not being extremely inappropriate if you were to work

He would even joke around with you sometimes and would even start the conversation with swearing

For instance, he'd just surprise you with a "Yeet his mf outta my sheithole"

And yes, you did laugh at his antics

Some would even say that you're an exact clone of him but more stable (for now)

Well, Bright is an amazing dad, but I'd say just below Dr Glass

Or maybe even on par with him

Like Bright is a goofy dad that has all the terrible dad jokes and Glass would be the type of dad to look out for his kid

Dr Simon Glass

Dr Glass would most definitely avoid using swear words, especially if you were under 15

Even if you were over 15, he'd still avoid swearing unless he wants to make a joke or 2

So most of the time, you'd learn all the swearing from other people and SCPs

Sometimes you would swear by accident and Glass would just look at you, slightly disappointed

I'd say he doesn't exactly care about you swearing per see, but would rather you avoid it

It's cuz Simon is the best dad a dad could ever dad and nobody could prove me wrong here

He's also one of the top best dads compared to the others on the list

He's basically your best friend so he'd let you vent and its the 1 time he'd let you swear to show your emotions

Simon would 100% know your thoughts and behaviour

He's just that good at reading people, especially you - almost to the point where people would say he's an SCP cuz I swear he's just empathic and telepathic

As mentioned before, Glass would be the type of dad to care for your mental health

It's not that the others don't, it's just that Glass is a top their God of Psychology and would come to you before you even know you have depression

He would even crack a joke sometimes

So every so often, he would shout out "LANGUAGE!!!" from across the room before you could even bat an eye and say anything

Dr Alto Clef

Another top tier dad, but swearing addition

Your godfather would literally be Jack Bright

Then it's Kondraki and Glass

He would let you swear on a daily basis and would join you

Sometimes you be looking at your Oppas/Noonas and be like: "Oh fxxk me!" and Clef, who's in the next room, be like: "Yeah, fxxk me too!" (Yes but no sis! No incest pls!)

Other times, you would be in the same room as Clef and Bright and you'd join them in being chaotic

And poor Kondraki  is just there at the back trying to do his work peacefully

One time, Kondraki had to grab a Simon Glass to help stop the chaotic trio

And OML did it end so well

You were easy to manage tbh, with the exception of you swearing

Clef and Bright would most definitely encourage you to swear more

Especially Clef since he does have a twisted sense of humour

Dr Benjamin Kondraki

Kondraki is totally the type of person who would tell their kid to mind their own language

But he secretly doesn't care and his child knows it

His style of parenting is similar to Simon's

And yes, Simon is your #1 godfather/uncle

You'd go to him for emotional support since Kondraki sucks at that

Sometimes you'd swear at him and he'd get mad though

So yeah, running to Glass is a wonderful idea

And we all know that Kondraki doesn't mean what he said

He's just extremely introverted, but he's rather sensible - Usually...

Anyways, he would ask Simon on tips and advice on how to get you to stop swearing so much and he just gave Benjamin a parenting book (Like fr guys, let Glass have some rest, he's tired of babysitting over 100 dozens of pets in the zoo and all the other babies who work in it)

[dolokhoded]

i haven't read war and peace but I'm curious what did Natasha and Pierre had in the epilogue

lol it's not my fav topic to talk about, because it's stupid and it bores me and there is,,,,,,, nothing to analyze there like there's,, literally no doubt that this is a shitass marriage that tolstoy's trying to convince us is good and normal, that's all there is to it.

but to summarize, natasha loses every single aspect of her personality because she is now a Wife (tm) and her job is to submit to her husband and pop out children, she stops taking care of herself, she stops doing things she enjoys (it's mentioned that since she got married she stopped singing which,,, actually i'm putting an asterisk there to talk abt that)* , overall she's literally not a person anymore just a baby pop-out machine, and pierre is also miserable and she doesn't allow him to ???? TALK to women??? like,,, all women?? which is definitely good and healthy ! and apparently he's supposed to do nothing in his entire life except what pleases his wife and his family. in general they are not two separate human beings anymore that are allowed to fulfill their own needs they only exist to serve each other and somehow they STILL don't do that either because neither of them are happy, and also they both lowkey suck?? like. ngl i like pierre he's a cool little dude but he is a MAN written by TOLSTOY of COURSE he sucked at least a little. it's just way more obvious now because all good aspects of his personality just. do not exist. anymore. and natasha is literally a whole different character she's controlling and somehow at the same time she has no will of her own and she litearlly has not kept a single personality trait that she used to have. NONE. nothing that resembles her AT ALL. it is so STUPID. fuck the epilogue. what the fuck.

and it's so funny because even though tolstoy is trying to convince us that natasha LIKES this and she's HAPPY like this and it's so normal and healthy he contradicts himself through denisov ???? because denisov is there, and my mans denisov the best of my life, the only person with common sense, sees natasha and he's like "Y'ALL WHAT THE FUCK...............WHAT THE FUCK.......THAT'S NATASHA....???? Y'ALL......". it's so funny. tolstoy is so dumb. i hate him. if you read it don't read the epilogue. genuinely do not.

(or do idk i suppose there is some social commentary and some things to gain out of it but plot wise ?? it rlly ruined the whole story for me it was a shit ending. nikolai does farming now tho so good for him !)

* the part where it's mentioned natasha stopped singing ever since she got married really says,,,,,,,, A LOT,,,, because natasha had stopped singing completely one more time in her life and that was after the kuragin scandal, when she was miserable, she had lost her fiance, she felt horribly guilty for her family and the way she treated sonya, in general it's one of the really low lows of natasha's life. and there's that part where -maybe it was sonya, maybe it was nikolai, i'm not quite sure- but someone's going down the staircase, and suddenly they hear natasha doing her singing exercises, and that symbolizes the moment natasha starts to get better and starts to enjoy life again. and the fact that she completely stopped again once she married pierre,,,,,, good and healthy ! i love happy marriages !!

( unnecessary edit: it was pierre who heard her sing, after all, and he wasn't in the staircase although for some reason i remembered that distinctly?? idk my brain is weird. but yeah. these details do not matter but i am insane so. )

[just-a-creep-babe]

I'm back?? Creeps with a really go with the flow, devil-may-care, Not afraid of death, Chill SO? [EX: *meets creeps* Wow, okay, this is my life now I guess. || Same stuff as always! *helps hide body* || You wanna fly into the Bermuda triangle and live to stream it? Heck yeah, she'll bring spicy sour patch kids. || Don't worry! I'm still in shock! Can't feel a thing! || '*does something stupid* we survived? Brilliant. Love it when that happens. ] Thanks!♡

~Requests are closed but commissions are open~

Masterlist: x

Slenderman

Jfc—why?

He’s already worried about litcherally everyone else in the mansion, now you too?

He is Quite Concerned™️

Lowkey more concerned for you over the others but that’s a given tbh

Honestly questions how tf you’ve manage to make it this far without dying

He makes it his personal mission to keep you safe at all costs—no matter what

So on the bright side, you sort of inherit this ancient eldritch being as a personal bodyguard!

But on the not-so bright side, said being just doesn’t let ya have any fun around here >:/

Will physically restrain you from doing something stupid so you don’t get caught up in anything dangerous

Starts considering giving you a curfew or smthg because even he can’t keep up with the stuff you get pulled into

But he respects you too much for that, ofc, so he just begrudgingly accepts that you’ll keep doing you—no matter how irresponsible or dangerous it might be :”)

Still loves you despite the heart attacks you nearly put him through every other day :)

Jeff the Killer

This 👏mans 👏will 👏love 👏you 👏forever 👏

At first, admittedly, he’s a teensy bit put off by your nonchalance because how can someone actually be that laid back all the time??

But once he adjusts to it & realizes that you aren’t, in fact, faking it for whatever reason, he’ll be completely & utterly enamored with you

Like,, he can do a bunch of stupid shit & drag you along into it & you won’t freak out??

Sign 👏him 👏up 👏

Loves not having to worry about you sanity tbh—there’s no need to hide all the dangerous crap he does because he knows you won’t worry ^^

And homeboy most definitely will take advantage of your go-with-the-flow nature

He’s got a taste for danger & doing stupid shit—how could he not bring you along with him?

If/when y’all get caught & put in trouble tho, he’ll take the blame so that you don’t suffer for something that was most likely his idea

Jeff? Doing the right thing? It may be more likely than you think 🤔

It still sometimes unnerves him just how chill you are with everything, but hey, he can’t let you outdo him in badass-ness, so he’s guaranteed to incite plenty of chaos to prove himself; it’s bound to be an exciting time uwu

BEN Drowned

Oh he is sO down

One of the perks of being dead? He probably can’t die again

So there are absolutely no limits to the insane shenanigans he’s willing to pull off

The fact that you’re just as down to clown makes thing so much better

It gets to the point where someone constantly needs to keep an eye on the both of you so you don’t accidentally end up dying

Cause BEN (and bless his soggy soul) as much as he loves you, tends to forget how fragile human beings can be

So it’s up to the others to make sure your lack of self-preservation doesn’t get you killed

But your fearlessness & nonchalance is like a breath of fresh air!

Things can get a teensy bit boring when you’re immortal, so he’s more than happy to have a badass s/o by his side who’s down for pretty much anything uwu

Y’all get into a bunch of stupid, dangerous & probably illegal shit—but he wouldn’t want it any other way 😘

Eyeless Jack

Similar to Slendaddy, this mans is Concerned™️

He will constantly check you over to see if you need to get patched up because he knows you’re a danger magnet

But at the same time, he doesn’t wanna be too overbearing

Like he definitely has this live & let live mentally (prolly in part due to his diet) so he‘ll try not to bring up too often how nervous he is about your safety & well-being

You’ve accepted him as he is, part demon and all, so he feels like he owes you the same

Even if it does scare the shit out of him because my god what have you gotten yourself into this time??

He’s kinda like a worried mom tbh—he’ll pack you up a lunch & send you off with a “be safe, don’t do anything dangerous, say no to drugs,” and stuff, even despite knowing you probably won’t listen

Homeboy just wants you to grow & experience the world for yourself :”)

Still, he’ll ask the others to keep an eye out for you & to not put you in too much danger

And he’ll totally sometimes follow you from the shadows just to make sure you’re staying safe skdjsjdlsjl

He’s a protective demon boi, what can I say? :)

Masky

He’s,,,, pretty impressed actually

Thinks your nonchalant attitude is kinda badass

Of course he still gets worried, but he’s also prone to forgetting how fragile most people are

His pain tolerance is pretty dang high, so he doesn’t always realize certain things can hurt normal people. Badly

He’ll feel super bad if you get injured with him, but at least homeboy will try to make it up by giving you plenty of sweets & cuddles uwu

He might try to give you a stern talking-to so that you’re more careful, but he knows it won’t stop you from being you

Still, overall, he thinks it’s pretty sweet that you’re down for, like, anything

Will probably wanna take you with him for jobs sometimes—just cause he can & it probably won’t traumatize you too bad :>

Just don’t tell slender

Thinks his bold little s/o is damn cool & lowkey brags abt you all the time uwu

Hoodie

He thinks it’s pretty funny lmfaoo

Is torn between being worried & wanting you safe while also desperately wanting to just be like “fuck it” and do a bunch of stupid shit with you :”)

Will probably take advantage of how you don’t worry much to tag you along in his shenanigans

But at least he’ll make your safety & comfort his utmost top priority uwu

Honestly, he admires how chill you are with shit that’s pretty traumatizing—it’s almost funny that you’re just as brave as he is, considering his line of work and all

It’s,, kinda intriguing to him; homeboy will maybe wanna psychoanalyze you a lil 👀👉👈

You’re just so interesting, he can’t help but be a smidge fascinated 👁👄👁

Really wants to be able to make some good, wild memories with you <3

He’s honestly the perfect balance of protective & adventurous at the same time

Just wants to please his little s/o and keep them safe & happy while fulfilling their need for wild shenanigans :>

Ticci Toby

Oh boy

He is the same

Together, y’all are chaotic af

The creeps know not to leave you unsupervised because shit will go down

The utmost chaotic duo in need of constant watching over & patching up ngl 😅

Seriously, the others are damn near always worried about babysitting you two because you’re both danger magnets

And it doesn’t help that Toby has no concept of danger and/or pain

He’ll try to be super sympathetic if/when you do get injured, but poor boy will be clueless af as to how to help

So more often than not, he’ll end up using himself as a human shield to protect you from danger to make up for it

Either way, y’all get into so much shit, it’s unbelievable

Kinda perfect together but like,, in the worst of ways lmfaooo

[shadyteacup]

If you’re still doing requestsssssss how about a hcs of Dazai x fem! Reader who is like Midari from Kakegurui 😌

Ooh thats a nice one! Yes love, I'm still doing requestss

And I'm so sorry, this is so late... also it's very long n I'm not exaggerating. It's not even funny I'm so sorry

I'm Crazy, But I'm Free

Dazai x Fem!reader who is like Midari

• You and Dazai probably met during his days at the port mafia.

• I can imagine the mafia capturing you because of how much trouble you were causing in a casino.

• UK, when big businesses pay gangsters for security?? Yeah, similarly the casino you were playing at, has paid the mafia.

• You were already banned from many other casinos, as your games either end with you gaining a lot of money, or begin with a dangerous condition.

• Many people were quite afraid of you, and wanted to avoid even being in the same room as you, as they couldn't handle the severity of the danger you pose with every game.

• Anyways, so you were warned by a few members of the mafia twice, but you, being the fearless adventurer you are, flipped them off and continued to seek a life threatening game.

• So then the mafia decided to use violence, and cornered you in a dark alley. You pulled out your beloved gun.

"Well, well, well! Do you boys want a fight!?", you excitedly point the gun at them.

"Put your weapon down, Ms. L/N. We are here to warn you for the final time. Stay away from this casino. Further misbehavior will lead to dangerous consequences."

You hum, thinking up a plan.

"How about this. My revolver has 5 bullets. And there are five of us. How about we all take turns to shoot blindfolded!"

You excitedly shove them in a circular arrangement.

"I'll go first! The rules are that every person gets a chance to shoot from the center of the circle. If the bullet misses, everyone takes a step ahead, closer to the center."

You explain, grinning at the men clad in all black.

"If a bullet hits me, I'll agree to your terms. If it hits one of you lot, then you can't stop me anymore. What do you say?!"

The mafiosi were weirded out by this. What if you had a good aim, or an ability that allowed you to shoot them with your eyes closed? They didn't have much intel on you, and only knew you to be a girl from a rich background, who had come to Yokohama for higher studies.

"That's enough. Grab her-"

• Thats when our boy showed up. Dazai was curious when he overheard some of the men talk about some 'fearless girl that had flipped them off even after two rather threatening warnings.'

• So he had decided to tag along, staying in the shadows, until now.

• "I think it will be a wonderful idea. Play along, gentlemen. I want to see where this goes."

• You shot, and missed. So did the other guy. Then the other one. Now, the circle had shrunk really small. You were almost in the line of fire at this point. There was an 80% chance of getting shot.

• "That's enough." ,Dazai said, as he walked to stand in front of you.

• "You are daring, aren't you. You're not afraid of death."

• Staring into his eyes, you saw a reflection of yourself. A dark, lost soul stared back at you.

• "In fact, you arranged this little game to ensure that you got hurt. You perfectly planned it out, and ensured that as the circle gets smaller, you would be in the direct line of fire."

• "You missed the first shot on purpose, didn't you?"

• He had seen right through your game.

'What's this guy's deal?', you thought.

"Why would you stop the game when it was at its peak? Hah? Whats wrong with you, man?!", you angrily grab his collar. "I was just beginning to have fun, and here you are, ruinjng it!"

• Taken aback by your bravery, he just blinked at you.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Yes, obviously, idiot. But that doesn't give you any right to interrupt our game."

"Oh? So who do you think I am."

You give him a 'baka janiono?' look.

"You are their leader. Probably an executive of the mafia, judging by your expensive suit. Why?"

The thoughts running through Dazai's head were along the lines of :

'Just who is this girl? How does she know about the mafia? Surely my men weren't dumb enough to tell her who they work for. How does she know about my position? She surely didn't just guess that, right?? And why the fuck does a student have a gun? Does her family have connections within the underworld? She obviously doesn't fear death. Will she be a good addition to the mafia?'

• "What are you thinking about, baka? Answer me."

• He smiled sweetly at you, and firmly gripped your wrist, pushing it off his collar.

"There's someone who would like to meet you"

Before you can retort back, he continues,"You seek adventure, do you not? You want to feel something worthwhile. Something akin to facing death, something that will give you an adrenaline rush. I can give you all of that. If you come with me, that is."

• Mori was shocked when he heard about what had happened. He agreed with Dazai's decision to make you join the ranks. He needed such fearless crackheads in his organization.

• He paired you up with the double black, making you an executive too. You hadn't quite agreed to his terms, but he had offered you to just accompany the ginger and the brunette on a mission. And had let you make the final decision .

• You three had to go to an abandoned warehouse, where some people were tampering with the mafia goods. There, you saw how sadistic Dazai was. How manipulative and bad he was. It made you fall for him. Hard. Plus, you realized the risk of being a mafiosi. It was quite thrilling.

• When you got back, you had screamed at mori to let you join. Quite literally begged. And he, ofcourse, agreed. You hadn't even given him a chance to threaten your life, which was the usual norm, when a valuable asset wasn't willing to join the ranks of the feared organization.

• You trained with dazai. And purposely got hit. It turned you on. But you never mentioned anything, in fear of being rejected.

• Dazai, ofcourse, noticed this, and one fine day, confronted you about it. You told him just how much you love him. He was always intrigued by your sadistic side. He saw a part of himself in you. The daring, brave, smart side of yours was something so similar to himself, yet unique. You were seeking the same thing that he was, that is to feel something. He felt sadness, and loneliness, and he never had a purpose in life. You, someone who had it all, a good family, a great marksheet, and a pre set goal in life, were willing to give it away, just to feel something. He, someone who was stripped off of a normal childhood, was never given the opportunity to choose. He used to think that maybe he was to blame. Maybe if he had had better luck, he would have gotten a good childhood, a purpose. But now that he knows you, a genius, smart person, who had it all, but threw it away, he realized that maybe life really is worthless. Maybe, he wasn't to be blamed. And that, oddly enough, made him feel better. To know that no matter how much lady luck favors him, life would still be fucked up, and that it wasn't his fault, made him hate himself less.

• And so, you two became a thing.

• Let's just say, that both of you are equally freaky.

• You want him to dom u, and he gladly accepts

• You guys try it all... I mean, especially with guns.

• I can imagine you both sitting at a boring meeting, when you decide to edge him on, and you're not even touching him. Your gun is.

• You both claim atleast one spare room on every floor of the building, for your.... activities.

• You are like his praise queen.

• He loves that.

• Always rough. Always. And you guys are into spicing it up.

• Anyways, you both never decide to commit double suicide.

• Thats because dazai wants a beautiful way out, while you want to feel the thrill of facing death. You don't really want to die, you just want to know the feeling of almost dying. You want to feel something exhilarating.

• When Dazai decides to leave the mafia, you are all for it. As long as you get to stay by his side, you were ok with it.

• Like Midari, you are a very perceptive person, and can easily guess what's going on in someone's mind. Dazai was easy to read for you, as his thoughts were pretty similar to your own.

• You were smart, cunning, and could read peoples mind with ease. So it was pretty easy for you to guess what's going on in Dazai's mind, sometimes even predicting his next moves.

• You really fit in with the ada, coz that place is filled with crackheads, and you and dazai are no exception lol

• Also, you get along with Yosano really well.

• Like, if you weren't so loyal to dazai, you would have become Yosanos slave. So would i ngl

• Anyways, you and dazai always mess with kunikida. You two prank him till the breaking point. You two are such a menace in the office. Always skipping work, slacking off, but really shining when it comes to actual detective work, like solving mysteries.

• You are a valuable asset to the ada, coz 1. You are smart and 2. You can intimidate the enemy into giving in, thanks to your sadistic games.

• You are also a very good companion. You can easily understand what the other is feeling, and end up comforting the gang.

• I can imagine you roasting Kunikida for being such a nerd, but at the same time giving him accurate and well needed advice .

• You do the same for your bf, and the two of you have many late night convos about topic that Dazai had never discussed with anyone before. Because no one had quite understood him the way you did.

• Midari is actually a pretty deep character, and just like her, you have many layers. There's the sadistic side, the goofy side, the careless side, the intelligent side and the insightful nature.

• You would be his perfect partner, as you'd support his crazy, reckless ideas, but at the same time keep him afloat, and prevent him from drowning in his own thoughts.

[ji-yaaan]

𝓗𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮~

With: Leona, Sebek, Jade, Floyd, Vil, Kalim

Warning: So I know that what I made is really annoying for others... so I'd like to warn you that at the beginning, you will see me ramble about the character's hands. If you want to skip to the hc, go to where the 🤝 emoji is. ^~^

Note:Also, I’d like to address that I do not know how to make Headcanons for the life of me.... So this is just me making a shameless hc, with my shameless hand addiction, fueling my shamelessness, as I shamefully self insert myself in these things I wrote... Forgive me for my shamelessness.... Also, pardon me for my annoying commentary and emojis. I simply do not know how to control my excitement and my feelings so😔👊

AND YES! I THINK THIS IS A CRACK HC LOL!

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR:

-I'd like to break the silence by saying... LEONA'S HANDS ARE BIG AND MUSCULAR! Leona works out in magift so it's a given that he'd have scrumptious big hands😳😳😳

-Leona's hands are chonky😳 he has long fingers that will surely make yours look very small! Also look at Leona's nails! Its ok looking for me, but it's pretty neat so👌👌👌👌

-Leona's got this rough and rugged look, so I think his hands will probably be kinda rough, BUT NOT THE CRUSTY ROUGH! it's more of the manly rough. A firm hold with his loaded wrist😏

Ok curious what will happen if you hold hands? I gotchu fam:🤝

-Imagine if the both of you were napping and you suddenly intertwined you fingers with his. Leona is a sleepy boi, BUT MAN! HE IS AWARE! Lion boi felt ur hands creeping unto his, but he'll pretend he didn't know that😏

-Leona LOVES holding hands! Only at private tho. This cat boy will never admit to that, but keep holding his hands and look at his reaction. He. Won't. Shrug. You. Off.😏😏👊

-Also when you play and fidget with leona's hands when you're doing premarital hand holding which is illegal btw he loves it when he looks at you spaced out fumbling your fingers with his.

-Leona has big hands, so he'll definitely make yours look wayyyyy smaller. AND LION BOI FINDS THIS ADORABLE! DO NOT FORGET THY HOLY WORDS!

-Lion boi is secretly the type to hold your hands when you're sleeping. He plays with your fingers, admiring how cute and small it is.

-Oh wait...Oops...he got caught... LEONA IS CAUGHT RED HANDED?😳 You wake up finding leona playing with your hands? It's either he turns on his back from embarrasment and tells you to sleep, or he squeezes your hands tighter and burries your face in the crook of his neck from embarrassment. He'll play it off as annoyed, but cat got his toungue huh?. Oh wait.... He IS the big cat😏😏😏

Ok enough babbling with leona...

SEBEK ZIGVOLT:

AHAHAHAHAHA YES MY FAVORITE HANDS! Cough, I'm sorry about that

-Sebek has proportional hands. His is more on the medium-big side. But it is perfectly proportional! At least in my eyes...😳

-The back of his hands are smooth and spotless! Very scumptious to look at! Pls look at sebek's hands too!😳😳😳

-Bebek has PRETTY NAILS UGHHH! He most likely trims and takes care of it every week! Not the best nails, BUT VERY NEAT!😳

-Bebek is a highkey fanboy of malleus, so he trains everyday to protecc his God and saviour Malmal. Naturally, he'll have calloused and rough hands... BUT DO NOT FRET MY CHILDREN! It is not that noticable which shookt me. His hands are a bit roughed up, welp can't help it, he's a man with mang jobs after all. (Yes, I call him bebek because sebek is babey🥺)

Curious what will happend if you hold hands with Bebek? I gotchu fam:🤝

-Sebek is a child so he won't really initiate first on holding hands. BUT WHEN YOU DO! OH BOI!😏 

-Sebek has this transparent look to his skin... Almost ghostly per say. BUT WHEN YOU HOLD HIS HANDS... Sebek is not used to this interaction so expect a tomato in front of you... Sebek's face is flushed red reaching down to his neck, and the fun part is, even his hands are blushy blushy😏😏😏😏

-After the first time the both of you held hands. Sebek will crave for it A LOT! Expect him to randomly start akwardly making way to you hands and play with it while the both of you are just chilling. Akward..... Sebek.exe will stop working when you look at him confuse, in which he'll get flustered, and ask if he can hold your hands. ADORKABLE!

-It would take him some time trying to calm himself down, all flushed and red embarrased from asking to hold hands.

-At first, Sebek will firmly hold your hands, stiff and afraid he might break your fingers or something.... Pls tell him to relax and just chill🥺🥺🥺

-When the both of you gets used to hand holding, Bebek is the type to kiss your hands as a gesture of Love....hgnnn hot!😳😳😳

I'm sorry, I'm letting my personal hand bias get the best of me..😳👉👈

JADE LEECH:

-HGNNN JADE HAS SQUISHY HANDS!😳😳

-Jade has big hands folks.... Big hands..... Perfect for unscrewing the cap of the holy water bottle.🤠

-mushroom boi has squishable hands in my eyes and you can never change my mind.

-his skin is probably smooth and sleek too, his palms must be soft but firm😳😳

-Jade has this grip that makes you feel safe for some reason. Maybe because it's big? or maybe because it's soft?

Wanna know what it's like to hold hands with mushroom boi? I gotchu:🤝

-Jade...oh Jade.... He is the first one to hold your hands in a surprise. Like... imagine after school ends, you ran up to him and he swiftly intertwines his firngers with yours..😳😳

-You are flushed from this sudden hand holding. Red cheeks, red neck. JADE FINDS THIS VERY SCRUMPTIOUS! Mushroom boi will try to push you on edge. Holding both of your hands tighter, and fumbling his fingers with yours. You're just standing there starstruck and embarrased by the sudden hold. Jade is enjoying this too much...😏😏😏

-Of course, to add more to the fun, JADE IS THE TYPE TO KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HANDS TO TEASE YOU!😳

-if you try to pull away from embarrassment...oh no.... You're just begging for Jade to tease you more huh? He'll hold you tighter and maybe even hug you.

-What if you try to hold his hands first? Oh my... Prepare yourself....if you try to hold his hands, he'll just smile like normal, but as time passes by and both of you are pretty relaxed now...that won't do.... He'd pull your hand he's holding and rest his cheeks at the back of your hand, he'd stare straight at you and tell you how much he loves you....😳😳😳

-goodluck on dealing with embarassment Jade stans (oho i know you love it)

FLOYD LEECH:

-ANOTHER EEL BOI COMING RIGHT UP!

-Floyd is whooping 191cm, it's common sense he has very big hands. Perfect for flipping the pages of the holy bible.😏😏😏

-This man child has some big rough hands! Expect your hands to look very small beside his!

- Also I want to tell you about Floyd's knuckles......I think I found my new religion now... Check out Floyd's knuckles!!😳😳😳👌

- Floyds's wrist is big too....mhmmm scrumptious eel martini😳👌

Do you want to know what it feels like to do premarital hand holding with this hot eel? ME TOO! Illegal hand holding time!🤝

-"Your hands are tiny koebi chan~" Floyd is the first one to randomly hold ur hands.😳

-If Floyd gets bored, he'd try to find interesting things to do to kill of the boredom. HMMM?! Do you see that? Koebi chan's hands! Eel boi will casually start playing with your fingers, squishing your palms as you sit there confused and embarrassed.

-He'll eventually intertwine his fingers with yours, as he points to it with his other hands and say "How cute~ koebi chan's hands are tiny!" Grinning widely with his teeth showing. Practically speaking, you are just putty in this eel boi's hands now. You are a blushing mess.😏😏 FLOYD HOW CAN ONE BE CUTE AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME?

-Eventually, floyd will start to crave having your fingers to hold on to! When you're randomly walking down the halls, don't be surprised if a random eel surprises you by linking your fingers together.🥺🥺

-Whenever eel boi sees you, he'd grab your hands automatically. He loves holding your teeny tiny hands with his big ones.😳

-When you avert your attention to something else, he made this habit of squeezing your hands a bit and looking at you with a pouty face. UGHHH MY HEART HURTS THINKING ABOUT IT-

-Whenever he gets jealous, he grabs unto your hands quite tightly, even if the both of you are out in public. Let's say a random dude keeps on talking to you. He'll grab your hands that’s still intertwined with his, and he'll bring it very very VERY CLOSE to his face.😳😳😳 Then he'd look at you straight in the eye as he bites unto your palms. He'd whisper "You're mine right? Koebi-chan~"😳😳😳

I'm getting too much into floyd, this is starting to become a fanfic🤦

VIL SCHOENHEIT:

-MY CRUSTY VILL~🥺🥺🥺

-Ok vil's hands aren't crusty ok? He may be crusty, but not his hands!!!

-My man vil drowns in hand creams, so expect his hands to feel like clouds. It's soft, smooth and most importantly SQUISHYYY!😳😳😳

-Looking at vil's hands is not that exciting ngl... BUT HIS LAB COAT ONE IS👌 very beautiful👌very scrumptious👌

-Vil has proportional and perfect hands. Fingers are in the medium side, so as his hand size. Very perfect indeed.

-His hands might look frail and feminine at first, BUT MAN! You are so wrong! From a gentle hold, it can escalate to a very strong hot grip in seconds.😳

-The back of his hands looks smooth tbvh. And his nails are ok. BUT HE PROBABLY PUTS A LOT OF EFFORT IN MAKING HIS HANDS PERFECT! SO KUDOS TO MY CRUSTY VIL!🥺

Let's hold Vil's hands illegally ok? Don't tell the cops shhhhh! Hand holding time:🤝

-It would start off as a normal vibing session. The both of you are probably having tea, studying, or mainly just chilling in the lounge.

-But suddenly... Vil takes notice of your hands...Hold your wigs kids.... he'd ask you if you've been taking care of your hands, in which you answer "no" shamefully.

-But Vil will then smile at you and tell you you should take care of your hands and use hand creams to prevent them from going rough! He'll lecture you about how you should take care of yourself so the both of you can be perfect and beautiful together.

-Suddenly vil whips out a handcream from his bag, and he'll ask you for your hands.

-As embarrasing as it sounds. The most beautiful man in twisted wonderland is putting handcream on you.😳😳😳

-Vil would definitely massage your small fingers and compliment how pretty your hands are. He'd tell you how cute your nail are and how soft your palms are. Thats it. You're a blushing mess right now!!😳😳

-You'd try to look away from embarrasment, but when vil sees this... Oh boy... He'd pout, and as he's massaging your hands. He'd intertwine your fingers with his, to make you look at his direction again.

-Vil would definitely kiss your fingers and say "You're beautiful, my love."

VIL I LOVE YOU! ok thats all for that, I'm dying rn.

KALIM AL-ASIM:

-Kalim you adorkable sunshine boi😳😳😳

- Kalim has smol hands, BUT NOT TOO SMALL! I'd say, it's probably perfect for you to hold hands with.😏😏😏

-His nails are also small, I think? But it's cute, and turns out i'm a sucker for cuties.🥺

-His lab card is scrumptious.... Both the hands and the food he is cooking...😳😳😳 I hope i'm not the only one who thinks that.....

-ALSO HE HAS A LOT OF ACCESSORIES IN HIS HANDS WHICH I'M WEAK FOR! omg his bracelets and bangles are making me feel hot and bothered.😳😳😳

-Anyways, kalim is sunshine so expect his hands to be warm and full of infectious positivity.🥺

Wanna have a chance to hold kalim's hands? Ur in for a ride fam!🤝

-At first, you's simply be invited for a flying carpet ride by ya sunshine boi, kalim. Pretty simple huh? Nahhhhh! 

-Of course, in order to get to the carpet where kalim is, sunshine boi needs to lift you up in the air.

-Kalim will offer his hands whilst riding on the carpet. Hggnnn such a cliche scene from a movie🥺👌

-But the thing is...... Even if you're already in the magic carpet, sunshine boi will forget he was holding your hands...😏

-He'll keep on telling fun stories and talking to you while both of you are high up in the clouds. Oops.... You noticed you're holding kalim's hands... You went red and flushed from embarrasment. Your hands begin to get sweaty as you stare at the both of yours and kalim's hands together...

-Expect your sunshine boi to take notice of this and ask you what's wrong... You'd point at his hands embarrasingly as you look away in the other direction.

-To your surprise, when you look at kalim again. Kalim is beet red too! A BEET RED KALIM IS RARE! DO NOT FORGET THIS MOMENT GAMERS!🥺🥺🥺

-He'd ask you if it's ok to hold onto your hands maybe just a little bit more???? It's not a sin to ask for more right?😏

-Kalim lets go of your hands for a moment. BUT DONT WORRY! he'll just try to properly hold your hands this time! He'll intertwine his fingers with yours, and maybe lightly squeeze it too.😳

-After this brief akward moment, Kalim goes back to his sunshine tendencies. Smiling brightly like the sun he is🥺🥺🥺

-When your night ride is over PLS DONT LET GO OF KALIM'S HANDS YET! he'll be a bit sad if you do😔👊

-But when the both of you lands on the ground...Kalim would grab the both your hands, and put them both on his cheek.He'd intertwine his fingers with yours from the back of your hands and the both of you probably just wants to melt then and there.

-He'll tell you "please dont go yet!" KALIM UR SO ADORABLE! PLS HUG KALIM!🥺👊

The End ^~^

I just babbled about my hand worshipping tendencies all throughout this headcanon... I'm sorry about that pls. stone me gently for I have sinned....

Tags: @muraenxdae You're the one who suggested this, take responsibility.... @cursedtwst let's lick their hands together ok? @edgymcmytrash u said u wanna be tagged? SUFFER! @nightingale-oath let's be shameless together ok?😳👉👈