#my last post was 2 months ago oops

[viennasausagerock]

shhhh she's on the phone

[angelbaby-fics]

not gonna lie to y'all im in such a lee bodecker mood right now idk why i just wanna hug him & kiss his squishy cheeks sooooo so bad rn

[captain-barnes-writes]

What is soft launch? (Carlos Sainz)

Part two

Summary: Max Verstappen’s ex girlfriend moves on with none other than Ferrari’s Carlos Sainz and they’ve managed to keep their relationship under wraps until now. | part three |

Type: insta au

Face claim: Cindy Kimberly

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x fem!reader x ex!Max Verstappen

Warning: fluff, salty max, romantic carlos hehe

———

Liked by YourUsername, LandoNorris, CharlesLeclerc and others

CarlosSainz55 best summer break yet 😉

comments

LandoNorris you included our golf date 😗

CarlosSainz55 date???

LandoNorris that’s exactly what I said 😑

DanielRicciardo and I wasn’t included in this date, why??? 🔪

LandoNorris we’re keeping it lowkey for now

Username my faves interacting 🥰

DanielRicciardo i spy with my little eye 👀

Comment liked by YourUsername and others

YourUsername 🌊

Comment liked by CarlosSainz55, DanielRicciardo and others

Username Ariana what are you doin here

Username Carlos & Y/N??🫢

Username she’s really homie hopping

Username it’s not even her 😐

——

CarlosSainz55 posted a story

replies

YourUsername I miss summer break & you♥️

CarlosSainz55 I miss you more amor, see you soon.

YourUsername almost bebé🤞

Username Best of luck!

Username How can somebody be so good looking😭

———

Liked by 15,786

Tagged: YourUsername

F1Wags Y/N was seen leaving Carlos Sainz home with not one, but two (!!) bouquets of flowers seemingly from the Spaniard. This comes after the two have been frequenting the same places recently. Y/N and Max Verstappen broke up more than 2 years ago and it’s the first time there’s been rumors of her being linked with anybody else since. In contrast, Max moved on to Kelly Piquet only a month after their breakup. Are we getting our favorite wag back? 🤔

comments

Username she’s got the rizz 😮‍💨

Username THE grid rizz

Username Am I the only one who really wants them to be a couple?

Username she couldn’t find someone else?

Username im on my knees

Username didn’t think we’d get Y/N as a wag again😍

Username imagine Max right now 🤣🤣

Username karma really came to bite him and I OOP😳

——

Liked by 20,458

F1Wags Y/N and Carlos Sainz were spotted kissing and getting cozy only a day after she was photographed leaving his home. We’ve got our favorite girl back, but now in Ferrari 🔴

comments

Username she really can’t leave the f1 drivers alone can she?

Username can you blame her?

Username if I looked like her I’d be through half the grid already 😮‍💨

Username she really waited so long, she deserves this

Username Max is screaming into his pillow rn 🫨

Username these races are gonna be so awkward 🫢

Username im shipping them already

Username not ashamed to say that’s my Ferrari girl!

———

MaxVerstappen1 posted a story

replies

Username 2 years later & you regret it just now?

Username the DRAMA

Username Max you’ve got your own family now?? What is this

Username after all this time & you’ve still kept your pictures with Y/N😨

Username sir have you forgotten you’ve got a girlfriend?

LandoNorris Take this down mate. I’m about to call you

MaxVerstappen1 This is so fucked up

LandoNorris she’s just moved on is all

MaxVerstappen1 but with Carlos out of all people?

MaxVerstappen1 deleted his story

——

Liked by 1,209,937

Tagged: YourUsername

CarlosSainz55 One whole year with you mi princesa 👸 I’m happy to have spent this last year just us two without being under the microscope of the whole world and though things are now different, I’m glad I get to experience this life with you. I love you ❤️‍🔥

comments

YourUsername Happy one year to us mi amor. Grateful for you always💕

CarlosSainz55 mi princesa

CharlesLeclerc happy for you guys!

Charlottesiine you guys are so great together❤️

Yourbff thanks for always filling her home with flowers, you really make her the happiest 🥹

LandoNorris what about carlando?

YourUsername he’s still yours too Lando!

LandoNorris I knew you’d still share him😏

Username new favorite duo

Username Max must be on the floor rn

Username ok but one whole year??

Username Max really unfollowed Carlos yikes 😶

MaxVerstappen1 has unfollowed CarlosSainz55

——

Liked by 700,689

Tagged CarlosSainz55

YourUsername hard launching on our one year❤️‍🔥 Grateful for you. I adore how you always show your love for me, we really give each other our all everyday no matter where in the world we are. I’m glad I get to experience this life with you (and Piñon!) I love you mi amor 🥰🥰

comments on this post have been limited

CarlosSainz55 I know what a soft and hard launch means now 😳 I love you mi princesa and so does piñon.

YourUsername with the amount of treats I give him he better love me 😶 te amo ♥️

Yourbff my favorites!

comment liked by YourUsername and CarlosSainz55

LandoNorris but carlando still lives on 😮‍💨

YourUsername I’ll never stand in the way 🫡

LandoNorris this is the hardest launch I’ve seen

CarlosSainz55 the smoothest 😈

TO BE CONTINUED

——————

I couldn’t wait to get this part out. I’ve come to really enjoy making these ☺️ hope you guys enjoy

[becoming--nobody]

5.30.2024

Back in 2019 when I began writing feverishly after about 12 years of being unable to write, I began to notice something. Much of what I wrote began to materialize in my life. 

1. Finding home; 

I am still learning what this means, but I entered into the journey through writing of my ache, even pain over not knowing a home any longer. I have an idea of what "Home" is, now. A place that has always been and always will be. Nothing to do with this body or any location or building in this life. Very specific events occurred for me to discover this path the lasting way I did back then.

2. I also wrote of and dared dream small of the possibility of love with some special woman;

she came along soon, and revealed a spouse was not the love I needed, or really sought. I was seeking what we all need, to love my self. It is the most profound relationship we could ever pursue, and most of us settle for a momentary, surface understanding. If there is any purpose to this life, a loving relationship with self is surely foundational to everything else. This moment, I see I have not been loving my self, but judging. Like any relationship, now I am able to work on that.

There were other things along with these 2 that helped me begin to notice, with mouth hanging open, that what I was writing from my depths, was coming into my reality in various ways during a period of months.

I stopped seeing that after a time, and never really pursued gaining deeper awareness to participate more intentionally. It was like being aware of it altered the outcome. It truly seems ignorance to what creates reality  in contrast to just rambling in play with words, this ignorance seems a vital component. Trying to control any of it would prove futile. All that is ever needed is a pure and well intentioned heart, for thoughts written or spoken to become life giving reality.

I noticed it again recently. I am writing less, intentionally, but still writing much more than I post on Tumblr. More than a week ago I wrote something about putting me into the blackest darkness so i could learn to use my own light, find my own power within more clearly.

That was a big oops.....

Using my health and muddled thinking, I did soon experience a few days beyond frightening and confusing, ending in another night in the hospital. Only a little while ago this evening did I realize, as I've rested the days following, my first inclination has been to return to practices I've not used for a year. Meditation, silence,  breathwork, clearing out all the polluted thinking and random mindlessness that is part of dally living in our culture without some effort to minimize it all.

My strength began returning immediately. 

I am gaining exactly what I sought, as analogy I  thought when I wrote it. Being overwhelmed by fear and confusion, I discovered my reflex response is to pursue my light, my own power to survive such darkness. 

It turns out I am both everything I will ever fear, and everything I will ever need to become fearless.

Peace, and love to you all,

Stan

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 5 Rewatch Thoughts Part 1

(edit bc I started writing this post like 6 months ago - hi! I'm gonna finish going through the rest of the phayurain episodes of LITA finally! I've lost all sense of shame so these posts are just gonna be love letters to Eul, hope that's ok) Hi hi hi! I find it absolutely hilarious that the notes on the final part of my episode 4 rewatch post (which contains my best screenshots of That Scene) has like triple the notes of the rest of the parts. I love the thirsty LITA fam <3 I think I kept it mostly clean for the first 3 episodes but LITA brainrot is real and from here on out I'm putting down all my deranged thoughts into words so enjoy

Onwards to episode 5!! Ok so y'all should know by this point that BossNoeul sang the opening right? I added it on spotify and have listened to it on repeat so much over the last week that I could probs (badly, bc my singing voice leaves much to be desired but I can and will belt it at the top of my lungs) karaoke it now. If y'all haven't heard the full version check it out bc they rap a few bars and Noeul has this line "shake your bo- shake your bo- shake your body" that makes me lose it every time

The recap sees us revisiting some rather adorable moments from the previous episode including PhayuRain in the rain and tub. Imagine if they stuck the leg kiss in the recap >.<

We open to sunlight pouring in through the curtained windows on the morning after. I kind of wish the last episode had ended with this scene bc it would have been a soft transition after the intimacy PhayuRain shared rather than the abrupt cut to credits. But I digress.

Phayu's hair looks glorious out and I wish we'd gotten to see it like this more. In fact I think we should've seen Rain push his hands through it and grip it during episode 6's NC scene. Also the definition of that bicep? Sir pls.

I ADORE how sweet Phayu is towards Rain all the time, and this is yet another example. I love it when characters look fondly at their lover (I finally get to use that word for them!!), cover them with a blanket, and then give them a forehead kiss before sliding out of bed. SO FOND

I just think it's really attractive when people do this. Rain was really missing out by snoozing.

The state of Rain's neck and chest sends me into hysterical giggles every time. Phayu you did not have to go that hard with the marking bestie (let's be honest though, looking at the state of Phayu's neck post episode 6 they both have marking kinks) - everyone's gonna know Rain's officially yours soon enough. Also throwback to how like two months ago (or something like that idk the exact timeline) Rain was like hmph I never want anything to do with P' Phayu ever again. I didn't hear any complaining from you last night hmm??? Also I love how confident Rain was in his abilities to seduce Phayu, so true of him

I'm DECEASED

OK WAIT I think I finally get the whole yellow-blue thing. It literally is just that yellow is Rain's representative color and Phayu's is navy blue. So by making Rain put on Phayu's navy blue shirt for the "morning after" they're just reiterating that Rain belongs to Phayu now. Mystery solved :)

Obligatory shot bc he's worked hard for these gains and I think he deserves some appreciation ft. Rain who's making the same face as all of us. I think they spent like 30 whole seconds on Phayu's shoulders and that's so valid of them

Sir, do you have a good reason for striding in here shirtless and sweaty to wake your new bf up? Methinks someone was hoping for round 2

Ok, and we're back to Rain in a yellow t-shirt looking very feverish. He's holding his teal green phone (case) up though which is a combo of yellow and blue, isn't it? I'm sorry my color theory is lacking. His eyebrows look really nice here and I don't know why I noticed. I hope he has a good nap! But oops he misses calls from Phayu...

This episode's title is "the Calm Before the Storm" which implies it's gonna be a mostly tooth-rotting fluff episode and that drama is on the way next week. I'm already smiling so wide my cheeks hurt so the title is apt.

Phayu (dressed in navy blue!) is here to make sure his precious Rain is ok and Mama is already planning the wedding in her head.

The first three or four times I watched this, I was paying too much attention to their faces and probably missed a lot so let's break it down a bit. Phayu comes in, Rain's surprised and sits up, and Phayu sits down next to Rain on the bed but facing away. Phayu is slightly upset that Rain went away without saying anything and he was worried that since Rain was sick that him driving home alone was dangerous. The second Phayu sits down this way, Rain reaches out to grab his arm but Phayu pulls away. Compared to couples in other dramas, PhayuRain depend on touch a lot to communicate so obv the situation is quite serious plus Phayu is not immediately making eye contact with Rain.

The next couple of shots are just back and forth where Phayu asks why Rain left and Rain tells him what happened and apologies for worrying him. He looks v v soft and fluffy here

Gonna take a second to appreciate the background music bc it sounds so serious and doom-y right now but they're literally about to clear it all up so it was unnecessary to go that hard. Sound artist I love you

Throughout this conversation, Phayu starts far away (which for PhayuRain means there's like 1.5 meters of distance between their faces instead of 0.15 meters) but he moves closer and tilts his body more in Rain's direction as Rain gives each justification. He also lets Rain grab his arm. It's very subtle but I like the acting choices here.

Phayu, Rain is sick. Can you pls stop staring at his lips bff give him some rest (spoiler alert I counted like 5 lip-looks in the next 10 seconds, Phayu didn't hear me)

OK this hug. Exquisite. The gap has been bridged, all parties are happy again, and they both absolutely sink into each other.

Boss' little shoulder rub here is so soft and gives us more PhayuRain believability. We can see how worried he was and how relieved he is now that Rain is safely in his arms again.

Rain's cheek-smushed nod agreeing to never disappear from Phayu's side ever again is everything to me.

I don't actually think this was what I was supposed to get out of this but there's something about the symmetry of this hug and them being in the shape of a triangle and how technically their first encounter as a couple involved Phayu's triangle tool etc. etc. etc. Also headpat alert!

More subtle and soft gestures from Phayu. Rain is down bad.

HANDS!!!

We really heard the MWAH here and I want to forehead kiss whoever placed the mics

Everyone needs to observe Rain's expression right after Phayu asks this question bc it's very sus

(I couldn't get it in motion but Rain straightens up a bit and raises his eyebrows. Someone thinks they're about to get spanked like before)

Except this is not that kind of punishment and I can't believe Phayu really brought along a rectal suppository. To his credit though, I believe they're supposed to be more immediately effective than oral medicines because they absorb more directly into the body so he just wants Rain to be healthy faster. Although I wish Phayu would've not proceeded to yank Rain's pants off without permission, it's fiction and I hope if Rain had shown signs of major discomfort he would've listened. I do have to wonder if Mama put on headphones though bc Rain was really loud with his protests. I also think this must've been funny to film bc if you look closely before it cuts to Rain's mom, Rain looks like he's holding back laughter.

Uh-oh, Mama it's better if you walk away now

This sequence was actually so adorable and funny. I love purrito!Rain and Phayu is looking way too smug. Mama Rain walked out of there trying to name all the yellow and blue flowers she could for the wedding centerpieces.

omfg Phayu calling Rain's mom "Mama" is so friggin cute and I love how smoothly he just slid into son-in-law position

Rain's like excuse me I'm sick I should NOT be slandered right now

To part 2 with all the cute shots!!

[charmsandtealeaves]

I had a big reading week this week trying to clear some of my email inbox because the sheer volume was stressing me the fuck out every time I opened it 😅 Posting this a day early as I'm honestly a little worried Tumblr is gonna be funny about all the links.

Read this week:

Reset by @ncoincidences

WIP, Jily micro-oops, Temporary amnesia, Rated G

A mishap with a drunken dark wizard leaves Lily an amnesiac. The last ten months of her life has been completely wiped, which includes her breakup with James eight months before. To aid in her speedy recovery, James has to keep Lily under the pretence that her life has been the same as it was.

When It Counted by @cascader

Complete (6.9k), Order!jily, Rated T

She didn’t tell him when it counted. She’s daydreaming of a redo.

Something Foolish by @merlinsbudgiesmugglers

Complete (1.9k), Tedromeda, canon compliant, Rated E

Struggling against the expectations of her family, and her forced separation from Ted. Andromeda is pleased to discover a note left in her room.

Sunrise, Sunset by @practicecourts

Complete (2.9k) Blackevans BFF Week, Rated G

One time Sirius Black finds Lily Evans, just as she’s about to do something she might regret. One time Lily Potter finds Sirius Black after he’s received some upsetting news.

A Different Kind of Love Story by @mppmaraudergirl

Complete (5.8k), Blackevans BFF Week, Rated G

The best of friendships sometimes grow in the most unlikely of places.

The Vow by @missgryffin

Complete (9.6k), Hogwarts! Jily , Rated E

When he was thirteen-going-on-fourteen, James Potter did something truly, unbelievably stupid. Now that he’s seventeen-going-on-eighteen, he has to deal with the consequences.

Quest for Camelot by @petalsinwoodvale (Ch. 1-2)

WIP, jily Quest For Camelot AU, Rated T

All Lily has ever wanted is to be a knight, like her father, Sir Lionel. After Camelot is attacked and the magical sword Excalibur is stolen, she finds herself teaming up with James, a young blind hermit, as they embark on a quest to find the lost sword. Together, they face the threat of the evil Ruber, navigate challenges with a two-headed dragon and an ogre, and discover that they're more alike than they initially thought. Will they manage to return the sword to Arthur in time, or will they lose not only each other but also their dreams and the precious Excalibur?

Grounded by @frustratedpoetwrites

WIP, Jily Modern (Magic) AU, Winter Olympics, Not Rated

When James Potter's successful Quidditch career comes to an abrupt end he struggles to find a new direction. Coaching seems to be an answer and a pair of green eyes.

Vindicated by missgryffin

Complete (20k), Order!Jily AU, Rated E

Five years ago, Lily Evans did the hardest thing she’d ever done, and broke up with James Potter so she could stay alive by secretly going undercover in America. Now, she’s been tasked with something even harder: doing a transatlantic mission with him.

Captivated by missgryffin

Complete (6.7k), Hogwarts!Jily, Rated E

"I think we should sweep the library. Make sure it's empty." "And why's that?" "Because I need to be alone with you."

Silent Night by practicecourts (ch.1-4)

WIP, Hope Lupin, Remus Lupin, Rated T

Moments in the life of Hope Lupin.

10 Things I Hate About You by @wearingaberetinparis (Ch1.)

WIP, Jily Romcom, Rated M

Petunia Evans cannot start dating the man she considers to have true love potential – a certain Vernon Dursley – until her anti-social younger sister, Lily, finds herself a partner too, which leads Petunia to take drastic measures. For surely, Head Boy James Potter – suffering from a knee injury he does not want anyone but himself and his physiotherapist to know about – should be able to charm her younger sibling, shouldn’t he? If the only thing standing between her perfect love match is blackmail, who is she not to resort to it? Are not, after all, all means justified when the end she has in mind is so very sweet?

Would you run away with me? By @ncoincidences

Complete (1.3k), jily, Rated G

In which Lily barges in on a white veil occasion.

Happy Place by Wearingaberetinparis (Ch.1-6)

WIP, jily modern AU, Rated M

James and Lily have always been the perfect couple that everyone aspires to be: from Head Boy and Girl at Hogwarts School to university students in a loving long distance relationship to – eventually – a happily engaged duo, destined to go the distance. They go together like cream and tea, pride and prejudice, fish and chips. That is, until – for reasons they refuse to discuss for fear of making everything so much worse – they really, truly don’t. For one week, however, they have to act as if all is well for they have yet to tell their friends that what had always seemed perfect, is now very much broken.

You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that by @jamesunderwater

Complete (1k), prongsfoot in a nightclub, Rated E

prongsfoot + a locked door public bathroom on my knees trying to make you scream vibe

Truth is I’m so damn in love with you I don’t know what to do with myself by jamesunderwater

Complete (800), Prongsfoot, Rated T

prongsfoot + near death experiences + trapped with only one bed + gay pining

Over Spilt Coffee by @annabtg

Complete (1k), Tonks first person POV, Rated T

Tonks's musings on the night she picked up smoking... the night Remus Lupin broke her heart.

Breaking by annabtg

Complete (1.4k), Remus Lupin, Missing Moments, Rated T

Remus has his reasons for staying away from Tonks. Even if it breaks his heart as much as it breaks hers.

From the very first day by @kay-elle-cee

Complete (500), Muggle AU Jily, Rated T

An unexpected night leaves two coworkers trying to sort out their feelings.

Loved you three summers by Kay-Elle-Cee

Complete (600), Pregnant Jily, Rated G

A pregnant Lily has a not-so-sudden realization.

Don’t say yes by Kay-Elle-Cee

Complete (800), no Voldemort AU Jily, Rated G

Two old flames reconnect, wondering if the other is happy.

This is me swallowing my pride by Kay-Elle-Cece

Complete (466), Harry’s God parents, Rated G

The appointment of Harry's Godfather was never up for discussion, but his Godmother? That took some convincing.

Keeping secrets just to keep you by Kay-Elle-Cee

Complete (453), Secret Relationship Jily, Rated T

James and Lily's friends have a bet, and the two of them are determined to win.

Silence and patience, pining in anticipation by Kay-Elle-Cee

Complete (1.2k), Post-Hogwarts Jily, Rated T

Lily’s been hung up on James for years; a tipsy conversation might be the push she needs to do something about it.

You kiss me in a way that’s gonna screw me up forever by Kay-Elle-Cee

Complete (1k), Pregnant Order!Jily, Rated T

When Lily and James got pregnant, they made a plan for how they'd participate in the Order going forward. Plans change.

Back to the Pavilion by @abihastastybeans

Complete (1.3k), Minerva McGonagall, Rated G

A day in the life of Minerva McGonagall. Written for the Ladies of HP Fest's Monthly Minis: 1st December 2023 - Minerva McGonagall!

The Naughty List by abihastastybeans

Complete (690), jily secret Santa, Rated T

Written for the December Jily Advent Calendar 2023!Prompt: A & B are colleagues and for the secret santa one of them gives the other something inappropriate as a gag gift

Added to the ever expanding TBR:

The Next Step by merlinsbudgiesmugglers

Complete (1.5k), post-canon Andromeda Tonks, Rated G

After the war Andromeda has been wholly focused on raising her grandson. But when he goes to Hogwarts, she finds she might need something more. Kingsley and Harry have an idea for what that could be.

Speak Now by @firefeufuego Complete (1.4k), Jily love declarations, Rated T

The fuse has been lit. Lily can almost hear the crackling hiss of it, feel the building burn of it in the air as Sirius takes the reins of the conversation, as drinks are bought and poured down newly dry throats, and eventually as last orders are called and the four of them are standing outside and saying farewell with kisses on cheeks. Sam and Sirius apparate away. Lily and James do not. They stand, eyes fixed firmly on each other, ready to ignite. ‘Not forever, you said?’ James asks, his voice deep and quiet in a way that’s never been hers to hear before now. Follow-up to the lovely kay-elle-cee's 'silence and patience, pining in anticipation'.

[comfortlesshurt]

October 2024 Plans!

Now feels like a great time to say wow, I really didn't plan for this burst of inspiration from back in... June? to go on this long. Anyway, I'm here to say it is still here. Still Voltron, still primarily Keith. Still really stuck on that series idea.

I thought editing was going to go well last month, but I got started and was not feeling it. So now it's more of a "when it gets done" goal. To hold myself accountable, I'm still gonna include the remaining list of fics to be edited on these monthly goal posts. At least I'll have to look the work I'm avoiding directly in the eye on a regular basis as I procrastinate by writing.

General goals:

Newly published WC: 11,928/3,000

Have VLD WC surpass Spider-Man: 63,314/100,258

2024 total published WC: 54,677/50,000

LTS(LTFH):

If you didn't see my quick lil post about it, I'm getting burned out on this! So I'm giving myself a month off. I'm allowed to add to these fics if I feel like it, but there is no daily or monthly word count goal for October.

Fic 4: work on figuring out the timeline

All fics: use the downtime this month to work on chapter titles & flesh out outlines

Change the whole damn series name this late into drafting

Oneshots:

Bingo fic (I promised this AGES AGO, so this has GOT to be the month I finally deliver istg)

Oneshots or ficlets, whatever this month's inspiration tells me to do

Editing:

Flu: title change, style update

on the run: deadass don't remember this one, so we'll see

5 Times Lance Doesn't Matter +1 Time He Finally Does

Smiling 'cause you're used to it (a house that's always haunted)

Chemicals, chemicals in my brain (where'd you go, where'd you go anyway?)

Nowhere to call home (so I'll pack and run away)

5 Times Peter Struggled with Spider Metabolism, +1 Time Tony Helped: possible style update

Whump Bingo: major edit--these were barely edited in the first place, oops

Anywhere but Here: style update

Sick Days

Take the worst situation (make a worse situation)

We are the reckless (we are the wild youth)

Cocktails and Consequences: content edit since I barely drank before I wrote this and didn't research alcohol at all

Sickdays 5.0 Day 7: Temperature: title

See me here (meet me here)

And it hits between the eyes on this side

Sickdays 2.0 Day 2 & 5: Sick at a Party & Gently Tinged with Red: title, brainstorm for a closing chapter

Sickdays Day 5: Rapid Onset: title

Impressions

Sickdays 4.0 Day 1: The Oblivious Partner: title

Sickdays 4.0 Day 7: Chain Reaction: title

Sickdays 5.0 Day 6: Public Illness: title

I've got you stuck on my mind (and it's driving me crazy)

Days locked in a haze (trying to forget you)

Sickdays Day 6: Public Illness: title

I want to know who you are (I want to know who you were)

Will you stay with me for another day? (I don't want to be alone in this state)

I'm keeping you at bay (and I'm lonely)

Sickdays 5.0 Day 3: Caretaking Focus: title

Weightless (only wait for a fall)

Hiding It

I feel strange

Bullies and Bailing: possible content edit because I just don't like this one at all

Made a Mess

Season Three

Oh god

I'm not saying I told you so...

Sickdays 5.0 Day 4: Not the Norm: title and possible content edit because I HATE this fic with a burning passion

Accident

Don't ruin this

Rapid Onset

No Right Side: content edit because I don't like how this came out

Frostbite

Happily Ever After

Wes

Touch of the skin brings trembles and shivers

Favorite Outfit

Sleepless folks watching light grow (through their early morning windows)

Origins

Ember

Peace

Road Trip

+2 anon works

Longer term:

October 2024 - light month! doing whatever I feel like, but probably some oneshots or ficlets.

November 2024 - unofficial NaNoWriMo (fuck AI).

December 2024 - finish rough draft for LTS(LTFH) fics 1 & 2.

January 2025 - LTS(LTFH) fic 1 & 2 major content/continuity edit. Technical edit for fic 1 & begin posting depending on how long edits take.

February 2025 - LTS(LTFH) fic 3 (drafting) & 4 (outline and early drafting).

March 2025 - LTS(LTFH) fic 3 & 4 drafting.

[happilychaengs]

Nayeon - Tapes

a/n: had a spark of inspiration. this entire thing is from nayeon's pov. this took a lot of courage to even try and i don't know if this was worth posting or not but i tried doing something new, plot wise and writing wise. didn't proofread so it may have some errors.

word count: 1,219

angst

nayeon x gender neutral reader

When the doorbell rang, I almost couldn't bring myself to stand up and answer it. Not until I heard your name.

"Package for Y/N!" I... couldn't believe it. My chest was tight. My head hurt.

When I saw a box with your name signed on it at my doorstep, everything I've held back finally burst through the floodgates. I cried and cried, each tear staining the cardboard box even more than the last.

I almost didn't have the courage to bring it in but something in me needed to know what it was. There were so many tapes inside, each labeled with different dates. Now I know why you got me a VHS player all those months ago.

Tape 1 - 9/25/21

There you were with a happy smile. As happy as you could have been when you were in a hospital gown, all those syringes pinned inside your arm. You sat down in front of a white wall and yet your eyes were still so bright, almost somehow filling the entire screen with color. You looked so hopeful.

"Hi Nayeon!" You waved directly to the camera with a bright smile and almost for a second, I feel like I'm with you again. Like I'm standing in front of you just having a conversation like any ordinary day with you.

You say all the right things to make me smile despite it all. "I miss you tons already, Nayeon. All these doctors have just been feeding me so much medicine and it's all so disgusting!" You stick your tongue out playfully in disgust, a habit you've picked up from your older sister.

"And all the nurses have been side eyeing me lately for some reason. Maybe it was because I ate another sandwich when they told me not to... oops!" You laugh again and it rings in my ears so clearly. I loved your hearty laugh. The way it always made me laugh too and you'd tease me for it saying I shouldn't be laughing at you.

"I didn't want to sit in my bed all day and watch old people television so I asked for some favors and here I am now before you! Your great protector Y/N!" A nickname you gave yourself when you once killed a cockroach that crawled into my shoes.

"I also know I've been out of tune with the trends lately but I learned this from Jeongyeon when she visited earlier!" Then you dabbed like it wasn't a dead trend for years already, you giggling to yourself as you did it. God, you and Jeongyeon were such dorks together. I wish you knew she misses you a lot too.

Then a person, maybe a doctor or a nurse, was heard outside your room. Something about you going to get your treatment. You just nodded at them as you looked back to the camera, your smile still on your face.

"That's all for now, Nay! But don't worry! I'll be back!" You said in that annoying terminator impression of yours that I secretly loved. I wish I told you.

Tape 2 - 10/01/21

"Happy Anniversary, darling!" You shouted as you pulled on a small confetti popper. "I'm really sorry that we can't celebrate our anniversary together because of me but I wanted to record this to tell you how much I love you!"

You pulled out a small piece of paper which I could definitely recognize as a poem. You always did that on our anniversaries. Something new and original every year albeit sometimes they didn't make sense because you wanted to rhyme but that didn't matter. I loved them all.

Clearing your throat, you read it aloud with a stupid accent you say is 'just like Shakespeare!'

"Like a sunshine to the horizon, you were bound to light up my world.

Like water to the ocean, I feel like we're inseparable.

Whatever I say is true, I give you my word.

You're my one true love, irreplaceable.

Even when I sit here surrounded by death,

The thought of you gives me life.

I wish to love you till my very last breath,

So someday I may call you my wife."

You folded up the paper and set it down, staring directly at the camera with your ever bright smile. "Well! I hope you liked it! I really tried hard for that one since you know... can't take you out anywhere right now." And if only you knew how much that poem meant to me right now.

Tape 3 - 10/11/21

"Hey Nay!" You still haven't lost the glow in your eyes yet as you coddled the small teddy bear I gave you that day. "I know you just visited me but I couldn't help but want to sit down and record another tape for you in secret! I really miss you a lot but I'm glad I can have Mr. Cuddles by my side." I felt a small smile at my lips as I finally figured out what you named that bear that came along with the tapes.

"I also made a new friend here that I didn't tell you last time! I became friends with one of the nurses and now they sometimes give me extra food but don't tell anyone! It's our little secret..." You whispered.

I missed those parts of you. The social butterfly that could become friends with anyone even when you were bed ridden and that sort of free spirit you possessed. Not bound by anything. I wished those parts of you I could try to imitate at least but you really are irreplaceable.

You spoke up again as you tried peering out of your rooms windows and into the hallway. "I think I got to go but I'll definitely come back, Nayeon. Promise." I wish you kept it. Why'd you have to be so bad with promises?

Tape 4 - 12/15/21

"Nayeon. You heard the doctors." Your eyes were filled with such despair, the colors missing now. An apparent void in you. "I've... decided that these tapes will only make it to you if I..." you choked out, "if I die. If you ever see these then... I'm sorry for not being strong enough. For not fighting harder for you."

I wish you didn't say that. I should have been there for you. I should have fought harder with you. Water pooled in my eyes as my hands faltered on the remote, wanting to pause it and forget about it all but how could I ever forget? I love you.

"Nayeon. If I'm really gone, I... want you to move on if you haven't already by the time you're watching this. I know how stubborn you are. If we were really meant for each other then... I'll find you in our next life but for now please move on. For me." Maybe the only thing you could've asked me that I can't do.

"For the rest of my time, I'll record some more tapes for you just to cheer you up if I really am gone but I'm sorry if I sound a little... sad. It comes with the diagnosis." You let out a low chuckle as you reached over to the camera and shut it off, leaving me alone again.

[datrb]

Random question ik, but sometime ago I remember that an Anon asked you the kind of relationship you headcanoned for the four Hollow Heads, and you said that you used a brotherly one

So, I have two questions regarding them

1, do you consider Vic and Chosen as twins, moatly bc they were created just months apart and looked identical before Vic's change of looks in Wanted?

And 2, how do you think they would interact if they were all created in an Au where things were all fine? Like, a paceful Au where nothing bad happened?

Just asking bc your ideas scratch my brain just right every time xhxbxkxnx-

(This post ended up a long longer than i planned... Oops. Hope you don't mind a bit of rambling)

Okay, a bit of clarification first: when i said i see them more as siblings i meant that if i had to choose i would lean more towards a brotherly bond. Obviously, none of them are related outside of being made by one creator in canon and in my art and things i write i usually stick to it outside of some obvious OOC or fanon moments (that Dark dancing gif, or almost all of the memes).

First question

... is rather easy, to get an answer for it, it's enough to just look at my designs of them. And their designs are fairly different, while still sharing a few details that i knowingly apply to all of the mainline hollowheads (mainline - Legacy Trio - MCs of their respective AvAs - Vic, Chosen and Second). If anything, Victim and Chosen's designs are the most different two among the ones i have among hollowheads because of how different they are as people.

Although, i will lie if i say it was entirety my doing. Victim's design was at first a suggestion from a friend, who liked an idea of Victim being a ninja, so my OG design of him was heavily inspired by more stereotypical Japanese ninga outfits (yes stereotypical. Not actual ones and i did it knowingly because Vic was made by an american highschooler), while chosen got the "US military man" treatment. But this was before AvA6(season 3) came about and i had to rework my Victim design.

Here are a few examples of how Vic's design had changed:

Later i also changed his pants and shoes to resemble the og design more, as i thought dress trousers were a bit too boring for him to wear.

Okay this part had lasted for... A lot longer than it should have...

Second question

... is quite complicated, not gonna lie... It's kinda hard to imagine how non-traumatized Chosen would act. Same goes for Victim without insecurities, not even mentioning that Dark would either not exist in the first place, or be a totally different person.

Hmmm... But, assuming from what we know of them already, i think they'll get along both amongst eachother and with Alan. I think Vic would still feel a bit insecure about his lack of abilities, but Alan would probably try to make up for it by allowing Vic free acess to his toolbar, like he did with Second. And Vic, being as smart as he is, would find ways to go almost en-par with Chosen's powers using only the tools.

Oh also, i can 100% see Vic playing Chess with Alan, or playing something like Sudoku, Minesweeper or Solitaire while Alan is asleep and Chosen quite often doing something to mess with his games. Vic would be angry at Chosen for ruining his streak, which would lead to them fighting in a half-joking manner.

I don't envy Alan in this AU waking up to see his homescreen completely destroyed. The two culprits would then have to face a scolding.

... Again.

They then proceed to do the same thing again.

[e-adlirez]

An Independent Callout Update

Hi everybody, this is uh, this is exactly what it says on the tin, and I figured I'd make one.

Last you saw me I was offering some appreciation for some funni Tumblr art, and sharing a project long-ish in the making (it was like two months it's not that long). I figured y'know, maybe we can let sleeping dogs lie, maybe I can work on other things and maybe take a br--

NOPE JUST KIDDING someone's still up and about and still trying to prove himself somewhere in the blameless route. I've genuinely never seen someone make this many backflips to make them look innocent since Grace Chastity, which is an accomplishment, by the way! Not a good one by any means, but an accomplishment nonetheless!

Let's dive into it, shall we?

Here we have a Cadillac trying to claim that he was hacked. As you can see, he's failed miserably at trying to ping @2deadkat, @ratonahat and @bloombirdreads, in an attempt to call for help. He's failing to ping them because they blocked his ass a whiiiillleeeee ago. And of course, the "it wasn't his fault, it was someone else acting in my name!" excuse! This is peak "I can't be having impure thoughts! This is the other guy's fault for making me horny!" Cadillac is there something you wish to confess in front of the class?

Two holes in his excuse:

One, you didn't seem to have any issues when you were trying to convince me into thinking that you were trying even the tiniest modicum of owning up to your mistakes (which I have screenshotted here in case you think you can delete them and say I can't prove anything). It was really more of a "I'm changed in literally 2 days, I'm not like that anymore!", which is about as believable as falling into a black hole and coming out alive. In other words, not at all. Even less believable since your writing style doesn't seem to have changed from your older posts to your newer posts, hm....

Two, Cadillac, even if you were telling the truth and got hacked, how did you not notice? Getting your account hacked is a very big deal! You could lose personal information, get doxxed, have your account become a mouthpiece for scams, and that's only the half of it! How did you only notice this just now, on December 22nd of 2023? This is a big affront to your internet safety! It would be impossible!

And if you want to say this is a recent development, then uh, buddy, I have some news for you.

Here I have a screenshot from one of my personal Discords, and so far it's the earliest secondary record I have of Cadillac's shenaniganery.

And you can tell it's really early because a reply to the mini-rant around the same day mentions this funny little detail:

This was back when Cadillac had only made two shirtless G posts on his blog. From July 26th, 2023 to December 22nd, 2023-- that's a five-month time period! Almost half a year of not realizing that you've been hacked! And the strangest thing is you haven't changed a bit before or after! This hacker must've done a very good job making your posts sound like your own by extrapolating your internet personality from-- and I counted-- eight bare-bones posts, hm? /sarcastic

Well okay, remember how I said Cadillac's been very consistent this whole time? Well, I lied. There's Cadillac's most recent post as well:

Dear me, you're sounding awfully mature and respectful here! Is this a miracle? Could you possibly have actually been hacked and the person behind the screen is actually a decent person all alo--

OOP I GUESS NOT!

Buddy, I didn't even need to pull up GPTZero for this, you were sounding so corporate and so fake it wasn't even a contest. You ain't slick, Cadillac, not slick at all.

And for the record, I plugged my entries in the callout post in there too because why not

Yep, a lotta hooman to go around with me, Cadillac. This one in I'm writing right now took about an hour :D Whether or not it's because of having to find sources or just to find a good way to say what I want to, I'll leave that for everyone else to decide.

Anyway, this is your Cadillac callout update, goodnight tristate area.

Yes Cadillac you can bet your ass that the only reason anyone would ever be unblocking you would be for no other reason but this: making callouts that aren't going any time soon. I will admit, one flaw in my original post was the fact that I hyperlinked more than I screenshotted, giving you an opportunity to wipe the evidence. Well, you've got nowhere to hide now, Cadillac. I've caught you in 4K, and these posts aren't going anywhere.

[bugborgs]

tagged by @fool-for-luv :]! Tag six (6) people you’d like to get to know better!

Last song: cheating a little with TWO songs bc when i started this post it was It Tore Your Heart Out by Dirt Poor Robins but i've since driven home and the last song as of several minutes ago was Curses by The Crane Wives courtesy of my werewolf playlist <3

Currently reading: nothing atm for books but I just very recently caught up with the entirety of the comic Tiger, Tiger and now I'm eagerly awaiting every new update SO

Currently watching: I have the worst attention span which makes it very difficult to commit to a show long enough to keep up BUT I've started/have to finish season 2 of the Chucky tv show and Mike Flanagan's Hill House for sureeeee OH and What We Do In the Shadows...but i just Know there are other shows i have not yet finished even if i can't remember them right now oops

Current obsession: do pets count bc if so I got those baby rats and I am Obsessed with them. They're so fucking cute I can't stand it. i am taking So Many photos of them it's unreal. Fandom wise tho The Locked Tomb books have taken over my brain for the past few months so let's go with that. Also gotg and bugborg in general...the brainworms are Strong

TAGGINGGGGG @yaka-arrow @hellynz @rakruined @pink-lotus-16 @padchai @fruitsugarcane if you guys wanna!

[crow-with-too-many-books]

May Month in Review

Here's May! (A week late as always even though I had it saved before oops)

8 books this month! Read quite a bit. (Only 4 fanfic this month: only a third of a book total so none there.)

Finished of the Life As We Knew It series before I had to fly out of state for family matters so I brought other books for that week. I had gotten Deeplight not too long ago and been wanting to read it but kept putting it off for some reason (there wasn't a reason I had the too many books to read paralysis) Finished that in 2 days and realized I was happy I had downloaded extra books on my phone lol. I did enjoy the story of Deeplight a lot and realized it was by the same author of another book I've read: A Face Like Glass (Frances Hardinge - my header is actually a quote from that book) And thinking back, I feel like the writing is a lot different too.

The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher has been on my tbh for a bit and I finally had time to read that. Definitely enjoyed it had some fun moments. (83 year old chosen one)

What Waits In the Water I picked up before Addie LaRue because I had too much time to read (not a socialite so sitting with a book was my alone time lol) and didn’t want to finish the other physical book I had on me then. The book I went over is What Waits In the Woods by the same author (Kieran Scott) which I had read a while back and enjoyed. I had remembered about that and chose it as a quick read before I read the longest book while I was away from one. I enjoyed the twists in the Woods one and thought this one would be good as well. It was.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. Read this book a few years back and loved it. Had thought about it again before family matters cropped up and wanted to read it. I read it after the other three though, because I told myself I needed to stop rereading old books and read the new ones on my shelf XD. I still wanted to read it again so I had it as a backup book in case I ran out. Which I did lol.

A Darker Shade of Magic. Same author as Addie LaRue and I enjoyed her writing (and this series was during a B&N splurge like 3 years ago and I NEVER READ THEM. These pretty books have been just sitting on my shelf for that long ;-; so I decided it was time to read. I am quite enjoying the series to be honest, halfway through the last book as of this post and still am enjoying it. (I also read around 140 pages of the 2nd book of the series but decided not to show it here because I wasn't that far in)

So that's May's Review! See you next month!

[deadboydoodling]

What's your headcanon for Katniss and Peeta's children?

How old was Katniss when give birth to their daughter?

How many years apart between them in age?

Your headcanon for their name?

Who gets the singing and art skill from their parent?

Bonus question : please give recs of your fav everlark post-Mockingjay fanfic.

Thank you :)

@curiousthg

THANKS FOR SENDING ME THIS ASK!!! Sorry I took such of an ungodly long amount of time to answer this! Mockingjay makes me SO SAD that I admittedly haven't spent a lot of time thinking about it and the events following. So I tried to brainstorm on this for a bit (to no real avail oops)? Full disclaimer, my answers probably won't be the most well-written or articulated. BUTT this did give me mad inspiration to draw the babiessss. Anyways I love being given a platform to yap about my brainrot so thanks for sending the questions this way! My dms are always open! @curiousthg Answers below! vv

1.) What's your headcanon for Katniss and Peeta's children? I think Katniss was likely scared shitless that she was going to be a terrible mother. We know in the books, she didn't want to have children because she didn't want to bring them into such of an unsafe and cruel world. By the time she has children, we're led to assume it's because she finally believes the world is safe enough for them. Despite the world being objectively safe enough, I'm sure there is an underlying fear that she won't be a good enough mother and will become absent like her own. However, when Katniss held her daughter for the first time, and her saw her little, scrunched up face, Katniss couldn't even begin to imagine not being there for her. It's not to say she didn't have moments where she struggled, though. I think her pregnancy with her son was a lot less nerve-wracking. Even though I'm sure Peeta was stressed all the same about Katniss's health & well-being. Maybe a little too much, but who could blame him?

2.) How old was Katniss when give birth to their daughter? Math is NOT my specialty here but I'm pretty sure given the book's information, she was likely in her early 30s.

3.) How many years apart between them in age? I'm guessing around 2-3 years. No thoughts. Just a little toddler curled up around her mama's bulging stomach, not really grasping the concept she's going to have a little brother soon, but being excited all the same because her parents are.

4.) Your headcanon for their name? Ok so full admission, I was really into THG circa 2014/15 but then I fell out and just got back into this year (last month oops). One of the things I remember from the fandom was their names being Rye and Willow. I actually thought this was canon until my most recent re-read of Mockingjay where I realized I just had fanon brainrot.

5.) Who gets the singing and art skill from their parent? This is a GREAT question I haven't even began to think about. I imagine that Rye and Willow when they are young enjoy both hobbies. They sing with their mama, they finger paint with their papa. I really like the idea of Peeta and Katniss's daughter having a wild, outspoken streak and being an unapologetically loud singer.

Bonus question : please give recs of your fav everlark post-Mockingjay fanfic. uno reverse! give me yours I literally just finished reading my first hunger games fanfic a week ago and I need recs!!!

[queencaramilflinda]

Can I ask why you're a shriek week hater? Genuinely curious! I never watched it

Ok so I am putting this below a cut in case anyone doesn't want to look at discourse which is completely understandable. Also this got kinda long oops

Shriek week... where do I begin? Since you haven't seen the season, let me step back and explain the premise. Shriek Week was a season set at a university for monsters, DM'd by Gabe Hicks. It used a system made by Gabe called the Mythic System. Each PC (Ally Beardsley, Lily Du, Ify Nwadiwe and Dani Fernandez) plays a student at the school for monsters.

I should also preface by saying I havent seen the season since it came out years ago so this is all based on my best memory and posts about the situation

The plot. It is said in the adventuring party that the original premise for this season was for it to be a straight up and down dating sim style game, but that Gabe decided to go another direction between episodes 1&2, which means that the plot was clearly scraped together extremely last minute and is generally nonsensical. It involves clones and an evil plant and a bunch of other stuff, it's just kind of bad. The fact that the plot was shoe-horned in last minute also really effects the pacing of the season, because it was only 4 episodes long and only ever originally supposed to be a fun and quirky dating sim game.

The rail-roading. This problem is deeply connected to the previous point. I havent seen Gabe in literally anything else so in no way am I making any statement about his abilities as a DM, and I am not the type to throw the phrase rail-roading around willy-nilly. The thing is, that because the clones and evil plant monster plot got thrown in so last minute with so little time to be resolved, it a little bit took away player agency, with players consistently attempting/asking to do things only to be told no, and instead led down a very particular path. Usually I am very forgiving of this sort of behavior as DMing is very hard and it can be easy for players to get distracted from the plot at hand... however the players were brought into this game under the pretense that it would be rom-com in genre, not plot heavy. So it kind of makes sense for them to be confused and not on board with the plot that they didn't know to expect.

Terry Talbo. Ok this maybe a me thing, because I do not particularly like Ify Nwadiwe in general, but the way he plays his character Terry Talbo has always made me uncomfortable. To quote a post I made several months ago " Ify plays his character as being kind of pushy towards women, not taking no as an answer when asking them out, and generally being toxically masculine in a way that was not criticized by the narrative or even really the players at all." A scene that distinctly sticks out in my head as both bad manners and bad gameplay is when Terry attempts to ask out a woman at the gym, and rolls low on his check. As a result, the woman says no. Instead of backing off like a normal person Terry doubles down and insists on rolling at least one or two more times to try again, and eventually the lady relents and agrees to go on a date with him. It all just felt icky, and it was not just a one time occurrence.

The cast. (This may also just be a me thing). Each member of that cast individually are deeply funny and talented individuals. However the majority of them did not know each other and the chemistry of the group was way off and did not pass the vibe check to me. One of my favorite things about actual play shows is the secondhand feeling you get of being in a friend group and playing dnd. Shriek Week did not have this, which reduced my enjoyment.

The University Setting. I am putting this last because it's such a small complaint comparatively speaking, but the seasons that came immediately before Shriek Week were The Seven and Misfits and Magic. It was the third season in a row to take place in a school as one of its primary locations, and I think im not the only one who was feeling burned out of this premise by this point.

This is what I have off the top of my head without fact checking anything, so I apologize if I am missing something major or am incorrect about any of the details! I love d20, and while Shriek Week was not for me, it has in not in anyway impacted my devotion for the show.

[josiebelladonna]

alright. kinktober prep is officially underway it looks like. after getting a major head start a couple of months ago, my nerves are completely frayed, but the stories will all be written and they’ll all queued up. all the pigs are all lined up, i give you all that you want, take the skin and peel it back-

i’m making this post to preface the event.

by the way, if you’re not into this and don’t wanna see the posts, please blacklist the “kinktober″ and “kinktober 2024” tags, as well as my personalized tag “antarkinktober”—this goes double if you’re under 18: it’s not my job to police you so heed the “mature” labels on all the stories. 

what is kinktober? definition from fanlore: “Kinktober is a multifandom prompt based challenge that encourages the creation of erotic fanworks, mostly fanfiction and fan art, that focus on specific kinks. Taking place during the month of October.” 31 days of smut at its bare bones—although, contrary to popular belief, kink actually need not be sexual.

what prompts are you using? my own, as well as a list from oops-all-kink. i’ve been planning this quite literally since may.

what does X prompt mean? i would recommend going to fetlife or urban dictionary to learn about kinks that sound unfamiliar (especially when Google is basically useless at this point and they feel a need to sanitize results, too)—fanlore also has a full glossary of fanfic terms that, even i’ve never heard of.

how long will they be? at this point, they’re ranging anywhere from 2-6k words: i like to set a stage and tell a story. it’s just more titillating to me, and i always feel like i’m shortchanging myself if i go below a thousand words. i’m not doing it bc i’m horny lol; i do it because… it’s just how i roll. it’s one of the many things that isolate me from the rest of the pack 😒

who are you including? i want to leave that as a little surprise~

why don’t you like the “x reader” trope? short answer: it’s literally every fic in existence right now and literally no one does it right. long answer: that, and what i write is very personal, like i’m writing in my diary. if i bring “you” or “y/n” into it, it removes the heart from it and it ends up looking like nothing. i want to stand out, i guess. and more often than not, it begs the question, “why not just make an original character? you obviously went out of your way to make it applicable to a male reader or a nonbinary reader, why not just make a character?” (it’s a cop out at this point, is what i’m saying)

what time are one shots going to be posted? i have posts scheduled from 9pm and 9:30pm pacific time starting september 30th (the installments of paradise will be posted throughout the day on september 29th, alex’s birthday), so i’d say be on the look out (and maybe turn on my post notifications?). on ao3, i’ll be posting them on the day of the prompt, probably in the morning after my workout (around 8-ish).

isn’t this a bit too much smut? depending on who you ask. my first time was in 2022 and it didn’t feel like too much. i tried it last year and i pulled the plug halfway through because it stopped being fun such that i wanted to kill myself. this year, i’m trying to redeem myself and going all out. some people like doing only a few prompts, like a couple every week.

why are so nervous? i just am. i’m not exaggerating when i say last year was so excruciating that i wanted to slit my own throat. i’m not a sex-positive person (but i’m not sex-negative, though), and just thinking about being sex positive makes me feel somewhat sick to my stomach. i have no confidence… like not at all, and i feel as though everyone just wants to be a dumb, lazy idiot and an antisemite for the rest of their lives. i’m not sexy, and i’m not this confident, voluptuous vixen just eager to share her fantasies with all of you. in fact, i fully expect to get a repeat of last year where everyone gets called hot and sexy and “the one to be” and “the best writer”… except me. i fully expect my kinks to met with utter disgust. there’s a great deal of pride in what i do (i’m portuguese, we’re a proud people), even though it doesn’t seem that way. but if i’m met with apathy, it’s painful, and last year, i was met with reams of apathy. i can get down with a negative remark despite the unspoken rule that you must never say anything negative about a fic to the author; but if no one cares or calls it “fine” or “okay” or whatever, i have my hand on the cable.

if you have any other questions, you may (or not) have noticed that i quietly reopened my ask box. 

please be patient with me when it comes to answering asks, or even posting. this has been the most emotionally trying year for me in 7 years, and anxiety is a real thing with me. depression is a real thing with me. i am scarred by shame and a broken heart. i’m an artist, i have been taking shit day in day out for the last 11, and more so in the last four years. so, i am literally trying my best.

please try and enjoy what i have waiting in the wings. it really does feel like everyone hates me, and this feeling has pervaded since around this time in 2020.

[suzteel]

miniwrimo debrief

So I mentioned last month that I joined miniwriomo on a whim the day before November started. And while the first week or so was super successful, I did end up missing one day and then two days later I blinked and it was suddenly a week later somehow. Oops. But I guess time just goes missing sometimes, and all I could do is start writing again and keep going. Ultimately, I ended up writing 18 days out of 30, so 60% of my goal in terms of number of writing days.

Not bad for a spur of the moment challenge.

BUT I did end up writing over 3k words, which is the minimum number of words I would have written at 100 words a day for 30 days, meaning I achieved 100% of my word count goal for the month. Whoo! Go me!

I worked on 7 different writing projects during the month. I finished and posted a fic I started three years ago, and also posted a double drabble for Wanksgiving. Of the remaining 5 projects, only 2 were projects I had started before the month, so I added 3 more projects to the WIP list. Oops.

I’m not sure I discovered more self-discipline this month, but I did learn that slow and steady progress still gets things done. And that typing out 100 words quickly on my phone at lunch, or in between tasks, or (most frequently) right before bed can accomplish as much, if not more, as regular writing sessions. I still want to get better at making time to write, but it’s nice to find ways to write that don’t feel like setting myself up to fail and feeling bad about it.

So ultimately, even though I didn’t quite accomplish what I set out to do this month, I am very proud of what I did manage to do. And I definitely think I’m likely to give this another shot next November (if not sooner).