#can I get sad trombone noises please | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights · 5 years ago

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I keep forgetting to post my fics here. have some ladynoir angst, desperada + gamer 2.0 flavor. inspired by @marinetteplztakeabreak

Rating: T

Summary: Chat Noir refuses to let anyone else play as Desperada. Ladybug doesn't know why. But she /does/ know that if he sacrifices himself one more time, her heart won't be able to take it. He doesn't know how it feels to watch her vanish in front of him... right? (Ladynoir, Set during/after Gamer 2.0)

Word Count: 5771

XXX

“No!”

Marinette’s hand paused, leaving her red cursor highlighting the triangular icon for Desperada.

“Chat?” Her eyes darted around the cramped pyramid, wishing she could see him, but her field of vision was eclipsed with the akuma selection screen until she chose a fighter. And even then, she’d enter the body of the akumatized victim; she still wouldn’t be able to reach her Kitty.

Had Gamer 2.0 broken the rules? Chat had seemed to be enjoying this game, but his voice just then—

“Don’t pick Desperada,” his voice crackled through her earpiece. Something was off for sure.

“Why not?” She asked. “She’s got an easy power to win with. I know you’re having fun, but we do still need to win.”

“I know, I know, but… please. You can win with anyone, my Lady. I’ll take Desperada.”

It was a strange request, but Marinette wasn’t picky. He was right; her strategy didn’t require any overpowered finishing moves.

“Are we going to play or not?” Gamer 2.0’s voice whined.

Marinette scrolled her cursor up and over to Gigantitan. Chat was always willing to listen to her plans. Of course she would respect the one thing he asked of her.

Though she easily won the match, she couldn’t shake the echo of Chat Noir’s panicked voice.

XXX

Stupid, stupid. Adrien’s hands still shook where they were trapped inside of the control console.

He should’ve just let Ladybug play as Desperada. What safer place could there be for her than inside the villain—no, victim, he could usually remember that—who haunted his nightmares? She couldn’t go up in golden smoke if she was the one wielding Desperada’s shapeshifting instrument.

But still, he wasn’t sure he could watch Desperada in action without clawing at his wrist, even if he knew his Lady was the one beneath her skin. And he knew he couldn’t let Ladybug face her—and he couldn’t face her—so there was only one solution his suddenly-whirling mind provided him.

He selected Desperada and slammed the button.

His body flickered, leaving him weightless for a brief second before he was thrust into the akuma victim’s body. He kept his eyes shut for as long as he could afford—not long, since Gamer 2.0 had chosen Pixelator. Another villain with a one-hit k.o.

Just don’t think about it. It’s just a game. It’s not her, you’re not Aspik, you’re not going to be trapped here again, you’re Chat Noir and you LOVE video games it’s just a game it’s just a game it’s just—

Pixelator’s blast nearly hit his feet. Only a quick skid across the slick arena floor saved him. Not that he’d be gone gone if he lost this match—but it would mean that Gamer 2.0 ended up with Desperada’s weapon.

Adrien grit his teeth. He couldn’t risk that. Her would win.

“Chat? Are you okay?” Ladybug’s voice came through his earpiece, but he couldn’t afford to be distracted by her. Not like he had been 25,913 times before.

“Fine!” He managed to choke out before gripping the trombone in his hands.

Pixelator fired off a few more shots, but apparently Gamer 2.0’s practice hadn’t improved his hand-eye coordination. The glitchy-looking projectiles flew wide enough for Adrien to scramble away, roll, take aim.

One shot. He just needed one shot. It would be easy.

But squeezing the modified trombone’s trigger? Not so much.

Panic gripped him, months upon months of memories slamming back into him as his gaze skirted the brass weapon. Five thousand separate instances where his Lady had disintegrated at its hand.

“Chat! Get your head in the game!”

Ladybug’s voice startled him enough that his hands clenched—squeezing the trigger and blasting that horrible, horrible noise.

Pixelator vanished in a spray of golden smoke.

Pixelator. Not his Lady.

His hand squeezed the blood from his left wrist anyway.

“Desperada wins!”

The announcer’s voice hit like a punch to the gut, and his body reacted by leaking bile into his throat.

But he won.

He won.

His body rematerialized in the control pyramid, and Ladybug wasted no time in picking her next fighter. She was laughing, using Prime Queen to hurl Princess Fragrance against the ground. She was having fun.

She was here, with him, even if he couldn’t squeeze her hand to physically reassure himself. She was here.

...And, he realized when it was his turn at the selection screen again, she still needed him.

If his time fighting Desperada had taught him anything, it was that he would never let down his Lady.

XXX

“The times when I have the most fun—my favorite moments— are when I'm with you, my Lady. And I would give up everything for just that.”

Chat Noir’s words echoed in Marinette’s mind hours after the fight with Gamer 2.0. Hours after Max had left her house, cheered by the time spent with her and her parents. Hours after she lady in bed, trying to convince herself to sleep.

He did give up everything for her. All the time. Including today.

Did he know how much it hurt to watch him fall out of the arena? And he’d had the nerve to wink at her while he did it! While she couldn’t doubt his logic—and while warmth pooled in her at his trust—what if she’d failed? She’d been pushed to the brink today; she’d snapped and directed her frustrations from her civilian life at him. And the whole time, he’d taken it, talked her down, taken the hit.

Just like he always did.

He always did.

She buried her face in her pillow, wishing she’d at least taken the time to thank him today. He knew she couldn’t do this without him, didn’t he? So much of their partnership went without saying…

But then again, she hadn’t realized how much she meant to him until he’d said it, either.

“Marinette?” Tikki whispered from her spot next to her pillow. “I thought you’d be asleep by now. You were exhausted today.”

“I am exhausted,” she groaned, squeezing the pillow against the sides of her head. “But I can’t stop thinking about…”

“About who?”

Marinette peeked out enough to glare at her kwami. She knew, of course—she’d said who, not what—but she was going to make Marinette say it.

“Chat Noir,” she huffed into the pillowcase. “He sacrificed himself again today.”

Tikki nodded, even though she probably already knew that too. Her kwami had a good sense of what happened while Marinette was in the suit, though she was unable to explain how it worked in a way that a human mind could understand.

“But you saved him,” Tikki said. “Just like he knew you would.”

“I know I can, but… it still hurts, you know?” Her voice came out as little more than a whimper. “I know I’m Ladybug, and I have to purify the akuma, but still… I couldn’t do it without him. And it’s like he didn’t even think before jumping today!”

“Because he trusts you, Marinette.”

“I know! But—”

But what? There really wasn’t anything else to it. She’d tried talking Chat out of taking hits before. She could never get him to promise to stop, not when Paris needed the Miraculous Cure more than it needed his Cataclysm.

But.

She just wanted him to be okay. He’d said he was fine—that his favorite moments were with her.

How could they be, when he was always in so much danger?

How would he feel if he knew how much she worried about him? Not all the time, of course—just times like this, when she remembered him falling like a ragdoll, disappearing, fading from existence. It hadn’t been as bad as Timebreaker for sure, or even the Puppeteer when he’d been briefly turned against her—but those had been so long ago. Maybe it was just the recentness of it, reminding her again just how much she cherished her partner.

Not that she could tell him that so directly. He’d never stop riding the high of it.

Tikki smiled knowingly. “If you’re worried about Chat Noir, you should tell him. He’s your partner. And I… don’t think he gets to hear how much he means to people very often.”

Of course, Tikki had managed to follow her train of thought. Being literally merged as Ladybug tended to make that easier for her.

“You really think his ego isn’t big enough?” Marinette grumbled.

Tikki’s eyes turned sad. “This isn’t Chloe we’re talking about. He’s your friend.”

Marinette’s brows drew together. He was her friend, and her partner, and… and he couldn’t be more than that. Today had reminded her why.

If it already hurt so much to watch Chat throw his life away, how could she handle it if she were in love with him?

“Right,” she mumbled, hating the way her exhaustion twisted her thoughts. She couldn’t be in love with Chat anyway—because she was in love with Adrien. She’d taken down some of his pictures since becoming better friends with him, but a few still peeked out from the top of her cork board.

She’d never displayed a picture of Chat Noir, even if she could easily pass herself off as a casual fan. She wasn’t sure her heart would be able to take both blond-haired boys staring down at her.

This was useless. She’d been worried about Chat’s safety, not whether or not she was in love with him!

“Tikki? You think I could get out for a bit to clear my head?” Lying here in the dark certainly wasn’t cutting it.

“Of course. Just don’t stay out too long; you still need your rest.”

That much was obvious, especially if she was entertaining romantic thoughts of Chat Noir.

After a whispered “spots on,” she swung out into the night.

XXX

Adrien wound the red string around his left wrist. Breathed in.

Unwound. Breathed out.

Wound. Breathed in.

Unwound.

The rooftop’s shingles still dug into Adrien’s back, but some of the tension uncoiled from his shoulders as he methodically twisted Marinette’s lucky charm. Maybe it was silly, but more than anything else he’d tried, it worked. Having something to replace the weight of the miraculous bracelet he’d worn for so long… maybe it should’ve been a reminder of all the times he’d failed, but instead it gave him hope.

How could anything bad happen to him while he held his friend’s lucky charm?

A gentle breeze kissed his masked face as he held his wrist up to the moon. The green and pink beads glinted brightly against the inky black of his gloves.

He was glad the moon was the only one who could see him from his hiding spot on the abandoned roof. What would Ladybug think if she knew he had such a weird way of clearing his head? Maybe she’d joke that she was being replaced, that he didn’t need her luck anymore if he had Marinette’s. But no, that thought wouldn’t even occur to her. Unlike Adrien, she knew she couldn’t be replaced.

“Chat Noir! You know you’re irreplaceable.”

He tried to remember her reassuring words every time those doubts crept in. She had needed him today. Something had been off with her, a vulnerability he rarely got to see.

“Aren't you scared you'll eventually have to sacrifice everything you love for all of this?”

It would be hard to sacrifice everything he loved when everything he loved was her. He’d toned down that sentiment out loud, but he still wished he could pull her into his arms, promise her that everything was going to be okay, that they’d beat Hawkmoth and steal his miraculous and reveal their identities to each other and fall and love and move to a private island with a hamster—

He chuckled at his own fantasy. He could dream, right? He had to have something to get through the days when all he could remember was her vanishing over and over, golden smoke and shocked blue eyes—

The charm bracelet was too tight on his wrist. He quickly unwound it before the red string could snap.

Breathed out. Wound. Breathed in—

And nearly choked when his staff started ringing.

He rolled over and whipped it out from behind his back, too shocked to even pretend he was busy before picking up. “LB? You okay?”

“Oh, um… I didn’t think you’d be up, honestly.” Her awkward laugh echoed over the pounding of his heart. “Are you okay?”

“I’m absolutely purrrrfect now, my Lady.” He grinned. Marinette’s lucky charm has paid off again. “How about yourself? Just wanted to have a chat on this feline evening?”

“Nope, nope, that’s it, I’m hanging up.”

“No no no don’t go,” he said in one breath, both hands tightening around his staff-phone. “I mean. You didn’t even tell me why you called yet.”

“I can’t just want to chat with my kitty?”

Oh, that put fluttery feelings in his stomach. It was probably for the best that she wasn’t there in person to see his absolutely smitten look. “You made a pun.”

“Completely accidental!”

“Suuuure it was, bugaboo.” He was pushing it, he knew, but she’d called her his kitty. Either something was finally going right for him… or something was very, very wrong. “Seriously, though. You never make house calls. What’s up?”

“I… nevermind, this was stupid,” she muttered.

“No excuse to talk to you is stupid.”

She paused, and for a moment he was sure she’d hung up. But then she said, “Meet me at the Eiffel Tower in ten minutes.”

“As you wish, my Lady.”

He tucked Marinette’s lucky charm away in his pocket, making sure to zip it shut. Then he vaulted off into the night, leaving memories of other bracelets and vanishing Ladybugs behind.

XXX

“We need to talk.” Marinette crossed her arms to keep them from shaking.

Chat Noir dropped onto the crossbeam in front of her, a grin wide on his face. “What, you’re not even going to take me out to dinner first?”

She found herself wishing she’d brought some croissants, if only to have one to throw at him. “Can you—can you be serious for once?”

Her voice cracked pitifully. She was doing it again—taking out her fear and anger on him, and he didn’t deserve it, and she just…

She covered her eyes and crouched down on the cold crossbar. “I’m sorry, Chat. I—I shouldn’t have asked you to come out this late.”

“Hey.”

She felt more than saw Chat sit down beside her. His arms came gently around her, slow enough that she could’ve chosen to pull away.

“You know I’ll always come when you call, little Bug.”

She tried to snort at the nickname, but it felt all too accurate. She felt so, so small.

“I know you will,” she murmured, twisting to better return his undeserved embrace. “I’m still sorry. I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciated you today. I’ve been… having a rough time in my civilian life. It wasn’t fair to take it out on you.”

“We all have off days, LB. Don’t worry about it.”

Of course, it hadn’t even fazed him. How many times had she taken that for granted?

“I know you don’t want to reveal too much about our identities, but if you want to talk about anything that’s bothering you, I’m all ears.” He pulled back just a little, enough for her to see him twitch his leather cat ears.

She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide a smile. “I just took on too many obligations at the same time, that’s all. It’s a problem I have.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.” He smiled sadly. “You’re always sacrificing so much for others. I can’t imagine your civilian self is any different.”

Her face warmed at his praise. She did do a lot, but she doubted he’d find her exploits as Marinette half as impressive as Ladybug. Besides—

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this from you, the most self-sacrificing person I know.”

Her gaze peeled away from him as his most recent sacrifice again flashed through her mind. Would it be worth bringing up again? He’d never stop choosing her safety over his own. And she really didn’t want to argue after just apologizing to him.

“Sorry.”

His soft, sad voice surprised her. Of course it hadn’t been hard for him to guess what she was thinking—he did that all the time when they fought side by side—but he’d never sounded so much like… like he understood.

“I should’ve thought a little harder before jumping today. That was probably hard to watch.”

“Probably?” She couldn’t help gaping. “Chat, it hurts every time I see you throw yourself into danger. We could’ve found a way to trick Gamer 2.0, or at least come up with a plan. But you just…”

Left me.

That was it, wasn’t it? It was supposed to be her and him against the world. Even if the fight could technically be handled alone sometimes, she needed him.

Her partner’s claws scratched at his wrist, just below the leather brace. His gaze wouldn’t focus on her.

“I’m sorry, Ladybug, I really am. I wasn’t... having the best day either, I guess.”

“Hey,” she said, taking his hand—had his claws been digging into his suit?—and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry. I know we’ve talked about this, and I don’t want to fight about it again.” There had been too many tears last time, from both of them. (Mostly her.) “I’m sorry today was hard for you too.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He shook his head, but his grip tightened on her hand, like she was anchoring him. “It was nothing, really. Just not at the top of my game.”

The pun was forced, and she knew it. She frowned up at him.

“I’m not going to stop worrying about you just because you tell me to, Chat. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Can’t. Civilian stuff,” he said quickly.

“Really? I guess I just thought… nevermind.”

“What?”

Maybe she’d misread the situation earlier—after all, she hadn’t been able to see his face while they were in the Gamer’s domain. Could the strange panic she’d thought she heard in his voice just been her imagination?

“You didn’t want me to play as Desperada. And you seemed a little off afterwards…”

He shuddered at the akuma’s name. “You noticed?”

“Of course I did. You sounded scared, but I didn’t want to ask and give Gamer 2.0 anything he could use against you.”

“Smart,” he said under his breath. “I should know I can’t hide anything from you.”

“I don’t know about that. It’s not like I know your identity.”

He gave a shallow laugh at that. “Right…”

There was an awkward silence, where nothing passed between them but Chat’s rapid pulse against her palm. She still hadn’t let go of his hand. He hadn’t teased her about it—which was more of a sign that something was wrong than anything.

“You know,” she said under her breath, tracing her thumb along the back of his hand, “keeping you safe is my number one priority, right?”

“No it’s not.” He shook his head, but he didn’t sound bitter about it. “Keeping Paris safe is your priority. Keeping you safe is mine.”

She bit her lip. Unfortunately, no matter how her heart felt, he was right.

“I just mean… the rules we have, about identities and everything—it’s to protect us.” She swallowed, wondering if she’d regret what she was about to say, if she was only considering it because she’d been worn down by the emotionally exhausting day. “But if you need to talk about something related to your civilian identity that’s affecting you in battle, well… I can’t protect you if I don’t know what’s going on.”

His eyes snapped up to hers. “Don’t say that.”

“W-what?” His intensity caught her off guard. She was always one to shut down conversations that danced too close to their civilian life, not him.

“If you give me permission to talk about this… I don’t know that I’ll be able to stop.”

His shoulders hunched; his knees pulled up to his chest. For all that he’d called her Little Bug earlier, she’d never seen him look so small. Not when she’d told him she was in love with someone else. Not when they’d fought a horde of akumas turned by Scarlett Moth.

But she’d rather face a hundred akumas then see her partner look so defeated.

“Chat Noir.” She squeezed his hand tighter, afraid he would slip away. “I trust you. I know you wouldn’t reveal yourself to me on purpose. I’m not trying to tempt you or anything, I just… I hate seeing you like this.”

Maybe it was selfish of her, but could he really blame her for wanting to help him?

“Let me protect you for once,” she whispered.

“You already have.” He looked up, and to her surprise, tears welled in the corners of his green eyes. “So many times.”

“Then let me do it again. Maybe I can’t keep you from getting hurt, but at least let me be here for you. You don’t have to pretend to be okay all the time, you know that, right?”

“I do, actually.” He snorted, wiping at one eye with his free hand. “Can’t get akumatized.”

Marinette could’ve punched Hawkmoth in the face right then. Well, she wanted to punch Hawkmoth all the time, but especially now.

“Forget about that. I’ll watch out for any butterflies, if you just want to… you know.”

Sometimes you just needed a good cry. Marinette hadn’t had that luxury since becoming Ladybug two years ago—except for a few rare times where Tikki had kept watch for her—but she had no idea how much Chat might have been bottling up.

From the sound of his shaking sobs, it was a lot.

“It’s okay, kitty, I’ve got you.”

She released his hand, but only so she could better wrap her arms around him, curling into his side. He collapsed into her embrace.

“It’s okay. I promise, I’m not going anywhere.” She ran her hands through his hair, scratched gently behind his cat ears, until a low rumble sounded in his chest. She didn’t let that fool her though; she’d read that cats sometimes purred when they were in pain.

And her kitty was in more pain than she’d ever realized.

“I can’t lose you again,” he finally said against her collarbone. “I can’t. I know you won’t leave me on purpose, but—even just remembering it—”

“I’ll never leave you, Chaton. It’s you and me against the world.” She kept up her soothing touches, steadfastly ignoring just how nice it felt to her too. She was here to comfort her partner, not get lost in the scent of his strawberry shampoo and leather suit.

“But what if I can’t save you?” He finally burst, looking up at her with tearstained eyes. “I… we don’t always get second chances…”

It wasn’t the first time she’d had that fear—though usually hers was the fear of failing as a whole, of watching Chat disappear forever, of watching Paris crumble around her.

“I know,” she murmured. She wouldn’t lie and pretend there was nothing to be afraid of. “But I also know that no matter what we’ve faced, you’ve always been here to save me. You saved me today.”

As much as it pained her to admit, his self-sacrificing stunt had allowed her to win. While she understood his fear, why was it catching up to him now, of all times? Maybe it was just remembering all the akumas they’d faced, all their close calls…

“Don’t pick Desperada.”

That one… hadn’t been worse than usual, had it?

“We don’t always get second chances…”

“I don’t always save you,” he said. “I don’t, and—and I can’t tell you, and that’s what hurts more than anything.” He squeezed his eyes shut before dropping his head back onto her shoulder.

“I don’t understand. I’m still here. Safe,” she reassured him while rubbing his back. “That should be proof enough that you didn’t fail.”

“Only because you don’t remember.”

Didn’t… remember? Had there been an akuma attack like Oblivio that she had no memory of? But surely she would’ve remembered casting the Cure at least, and noticed that there was a gap in time that she’d missed…

And she still didn’t understand how any of this could relate to worries about Chat’s civilian identity, unless that had just been a bluff to keep her from asking. But she doubted that—Chat Noir didn’t lie to her.

“25,913 times…”

She wasn’t supposed to hear that. She knew that from the way it was mumbled despondently into the crook of her neck. She knew it from the way his whole body froze at the admission.

She knew it from the way she had that number memorized. If it had been anything else, any other number, she would’ve thought he was exaggerating, but—

“It was the 25,913th time. I don’t know what to do anymore!”

“No,” she gasped. He was—and he had— “Adrien?”

Slowly, as if every degree he lifted his head caused him pain, he met her eyes. His lips tried to twitch into a hopeful smile, but they wavered before letting out another sob.

“I told you I wouldn’t be able to stop.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said quickly, even though it did matter, because the boy she loved was the other boy she loved, and—now was not the time to be coming out of denial! “I mean, it does matter, of course I care who you are, but I’m not—we’ll get through it, okay?”

“You’re mad, aren’t you?” He sniffed.

She squeezed him before he could pull out of her hug—even though he had every right to pull away. She had been the one to give him the snake miraculous.

Everything snapped into place. Why Desperada had freaked him out. His fear of failing her. Why he would jump into danger so rashly.

And she’d thought it was bad to watch Chat sacrifice himself. He he’d been in love with her all along, and she’d made him watch her vanish 25,913 times.

She’d tried to check on Adrien as Ladybug shortly after the Desperada fight. She’d known there was a chance that he’d be struggling, he said he’d been in the time loop for months, but every time she tried to visit he was gone or asleep (she knew she should’ve kept his schedule!) and then he’d come to school and he’d seemed fine, but all along…

“Talk to me, Bug, please,” he choked out.

“Sorry!” She released him from her hug, but only so she could grab his hands instead.

(She was holding Adrien’s hands, the useless part of her brain screamed.)

(She told it to shut up.)

“I’m not mad, I promise. I’m just so—so stupid,” she finally said, traitorous tears already welling in her own eyes, spilling over, clinging to the edge of her mask. Blurring her view of the one person who meant more to her than anyone. “I’m so sorry, chaton— if anyone should be mad it’s you. I was the one who chose you to use the snake miraculous; I was so selfish—”

“Ladybug, no.” He shook his head, blond hair flaring out around his human ears. “You couldn’t know I was Chat Noir. I was… I was thrilled that you picked my civilian self.”

“But I shouldn’t have. I should have used my head instead of my heart.” She bit her lip. How could he still look at her with such warmth when he’d been trapped trying to protect her for so long?

“You always use your head. I’m the one who was stupid enough to keep trying.”

“Because you trusted me—”

“Because I love you.”

Her head snapped up, wet blue eyes locking on shimmering green ones. Those were the words she’d wanted to hear ever since he’d caught her in the rain two years ago. She’d never expected to hear them here, now, when she felt she least deserved them.

“You—still?” Her breath caught.

He chuckled. “I thought it was obvious, Bugaboo.”

“How do you stand it?” She blurted. Wrong time, wrong words, but she couldn’t stop. “I mean… if you don’t want to talk about it, I get it, I really do, but—how did you watch me… get hit all those times, when you love me, and not—”

She wasn’t going to cry again. She wasn’t.

“Go crazy?” He smiled sadly. “I think it’s too late for that.”

“Adrien…”

“But it means I know how you feel now. I’m sorry I made you watch me disappear again today. That wasn’t cool of me.”

“Stop it—stop apologizing, Chat, I mean—you—agh!” She threw her arms around his neck, and from the brief look of panic on his face, he must have thought she was going to strangle him. But she just pulled him into another crushing hug. “You’re so much braver than I am.”

“Pawsitively untrue.”

“True! I always knew I wouldn’t be able to stand it if I watched you take the hits you do, and I was… and I was… in love with you,” she mumbled.

This time his chuckle was hollow, echoing in the pit of her stomach.

“I guess it’s a good thing you’re not in love with me, then.”

“I am.”

Cold clarity washed over her. Did—did she really just say that? No! She wasn’t supposed to say it like that, when they’d both been crying and…

And it didn’t matter.

Because he was looking at her like she’d just cast the Miracle Cure over his whole world.

“You… you’re…”

“In love with you,” she said, because she could, oh she could and it felt like someone had finally breathed the air back into her lungs. “I’m in love with you, Chat Noir. Adrien. Both of you—just you, wow, that’s still going to take some getting used to…”

But it felt right. ...Maybe just because she was relieved she didn’t have to choose between her all-consuming crush and her partner who she wouldn’t give up for the world. But still.

“You’re in love with me,” he breathed. The grin that spread across his face could’ve powered the whole Eiffel Tower—no, all of Paris. She could still hardly believe he’d grace her with it, after everything that had happened—

But they were partners. They were friends. Even if they weren’t in love—which they were, she thought with a giddy shiver—nothing could tear apart Ladybug and Chat Noir.

To her surprise, his hand detangled from hers to unzip his pocket. But the even bigger surprise was what he fished out.

“I’m going to have to to thank Marinette again.” He held up her old beaded bracelet by one end of the red string. “I think her lucky charm works almost as well as yours.”

A laugh bubbled out of her. Even when he’d been in love with Ladybug, he’d carried Marinette’s charm with him?

The urge to yank his bell and kiss him punched her in the gut. But she had to hold out for at least a little longer—just long enough to blow his mind, she hoped.

“You’re welcome, chaton,” she said with a smirk. “I’m glad you’re making good use of it. Seems like you needed it more than I did.”

He blinked, his jaw dropping open. “Wh—no way, Marinette?”

Her face heated. She was used to teasing and flirting with Chat, but hearing him say her name while she was suited up—there was something about it that shot lightning from her toes to the tips of her fingers.

“Er—surprise?”

“I love you,” he said before slapping his hands over his mouth. Which was too bad, because she was really close to just pressing her own mouth over his. Her lucky charm dangled teasingly between his fingers, probably touching his lips, not fair—

“Yep, you’ve said that.” She giggled.

“Agh, I know, but—it was you! Marinette!”

She wasn’t really sure what was playing out in his head right now. His eyes shifted through so many expressions before settling on one that just about melted her insides.

“I know you said not to apologize—”

“Don’t you dare.” She jabbed his chest. “I’m just going to forgive you anyway.”

“Because you love me.” He grinned dopily, clutching her lucky charm to the spot she’d poked.

“No.” It was really hard to keep glaring when he just stared at her like she was the only star in the sky.

“Yes.”

“Yes, I love you, no, it’s because you’re my partner and I think we’ve both sacrificed ourselves enough for each other. We’re both superheroes. We’re going to have to take hard hits, it’s our job.” She took a deep breath. Even though it might hurt even more now… “I trust you, Chat. You’re not going to jump in front of an akuma unless you really have to, right?”

“Of course. Right.” He nodded. “But that wasn’t what I was apologizing for this time.”

“Oh.” She blinked. She’d still forgive him anyway, but she had to admit she was curious now.

“I’m sorry I never noticed that the love of my life was in front of me this whole time.”

He twined their fingers, the red string of her charm tangling in between them.

She let out a half-laugh. That was it?

“I could apologize for the same thing, you know.”

“Or,” he said with a mischievous smirk pulling at his lips, “we could skip to the part where we kiss and make—mmpf!”

Her mouth was clumsy against his, but she was so high on the exhilaration of kissing him that it didn’t matter. He followed her lips with equal fervor, no longer shaking, his claws digging wonderfully into the divot just to the side of her spine.

For that moment, they didn’t have to be superheroes. They didn’t have to think about failing, about consequences—they were just two teenagers, in love, chasing each others breaths on the side of the Eiffel Tower.

Kissing her partner wouldn’t fix everything. But for now it was a reprieve, and a promise.

She would always, always be here for her kitty.

#fic tag #tali writes #miraculous ladybug #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #love square #ml #angst #hurt/comfort #reveal fic

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sirfrogsworth · 7 years ago

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Year in Review

2017 was a very rough year for me. Probably one of the toughest I've had to endure. Even if you subtract all of the Trump, GOP, and alt-right related nonsense... it was still one of the shittiest years I've had. I will warn you. This post is a long bummer of a read. If you want to avoid being bummed out, I totally understand if you just scroll past this.

I guess I’ll start out with the biggest challenge I had this past year. My kidneys decided to embark into stone manufacturing. Which is quite painful and they just kept making more of them. It felt like I was in and out of surgery for many months. None of the stones would pass the old fashioned way so the doctor had to extract them. I'm not sure if you know this, but they have to stick a thing up your thing to get the things. Each time they go in your thing to get the things, the recovery of your thing becomes even more unbearable. So if you have multiple stones and they have to go in several times... yeah... not fun.

At one point I was very relieved because the doctor said he could pulverize the stones into dust using sound waves. For a brief moment I thought I was finally living in the future and technology would save the day. It even has a cool science fiction name. Extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy. I mean, if you look at these helpful illustrations it seems like they are shooting little kidney stone death rays.

The future is here! Fit me for a jet pack. After this surgery I am flying to the space elevator, riding it up to the space restaurant, and eating some astronaut ice cream with a side of tasty tang. Orange flavor, if you please. Watch out evil kidney stones! These destructive shock waves of doom are going to turn you into harmless granular specks.

*sigh* Funny story. The future sucks balls.

Instead of one stone, the space-age doohickey just broke it into three smaller stones. I was really looking forward to peeing dust particles but life had other plans for my pee. When I discovered the procedure failed I could almost hear my kidney playing the sad trombone noise to mock me. I could have just had him yank out one stone and endured a normal unpleasant recovery. Instead the doctor had to stick the thing up my thing three times in one procedure. Three times! I don't want to sound too dramatic, but that recovery suuuuucked. It was pure agony. Pulling the things out with the thing really hurt my thing and a painful thing is not a thing you want to experience. Thankfully my thing is back to normal, but I don’t think I have experienced my last kidney stone.

This year also marked a steep increase in my general fatigue. I just got more tired all the time. Both my chronic fatigue syndrome and narcolepsy just started feeling more intense. I went from being able to do a few activities each week to being completely bed bound. My CFS has been slowly declining since it started over 15 years ago. It seems each year I can do less and less. I didn’t think it could get much worse. I thought I had hit rock bottom. I was mistaken.

I had to close down my tumblr. I was unable to do my comedy posts. No more photography. No more movie nights with my friends. I am not even able to eat dinner with my parents because I cannot sit upright for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time. I basically only leave my bed to prepare food and go to the bathroom.

Since my illness decided to rob these last bits of joy from me, my depression and loneliness got worse as well. Sometimes the loneliness is harder than all of my illnesses combined. It can feel so intense that it almost seems physical. Like a weight crushing me. I just don’t see a great solution. I can’t date. I can’t meet new people. I barely have the energy to keep in touch with the two friends I talk to on a regular basis. It wouldn’t be fair to enter a relationship that I could put no effort into. Who would willingly choose me as a romantic companion? I feel very stuck in this regard.

I knew there wasn’t much they could do about my CFS or narcolepsy. I’m basically waiting for research and new treatments which could be years away. I thought maybe I could try to alleviate my depression. Perhaps that would lessen all of my symptoms. Maybe it could add a little energy and willpower.

I sought help from a very clever psychiatrist. I was very happy with his enthusiasm and vast knowledge of treatment options. But my depression is very treatment resistant. It’s very stubborn and the quality of doctor doesn’t always mean they will have a solution. After trying over a dozen medications I was not able to decrease my symptoms. I also experienced some of the strongest side effects I've ever had from antidepressants. My dad had to lay in bed with me and rub my back to try and comfort me as I waited for the drugs to wear off. Sometimes that would take several days.

I haven't been suicidal in a long time, but when I was having these awful side effects I definitely had feelings where I just wanted it to end. Like maybe I would fall asleep and just not wake up again. Not suicidal... I just wanted everything to stop. That might not seem like very different thoughts to everyone, but there is actually a big difference between wanting life to end and wanting to physically end your life. Neither are great, but I haven’t wanted to end my life in a very long time. Thankfully those thoughts passed as the medication left my system, but I am now afraid to try any other meds. Technically there are no more to try, so I don't have to worry about that for now. But if they come out with new medications in the future, that is something I will have to deal with.

I also tried a new ketamine injection therapy for depression. Ketamine is a popular veterinary medicine that helps cats space out during procedures. Some people use it recreationally. You may have heard of people doing "Special K." Honestly I'm not sure what the appeal is. The high isn't very euphoric or interesting. It’s a bit like feeling drunk, but without the stupidity or pleasant buzz. I suppose other folks might have different reactions, but it was a very neutral experience for me. Unfortunately these injections were not covered under my insurance and they increased my already crushing medical debt. The doctor gave me a huge discount, but the mild benefits did not justify the expense. A 5% reduction in symptoms really isn't worth risking my food budget.

Electroshock therapy might improve my depression, but I'm afraid it would imbalance my overall health and comfort. Car rides exhaust me a great deal. I’m not sure exactly why, but they just drain the life out of me. The 90 minutes of driving would knock me out of commission for several days. Not to mention the time spent in waiting rooms, the time spent preparing for the procedure, the added exhaustion of anesthesia, and the time spent in the recovery room after getting my brains zapped. After I take a few days to recover from one session, it would already be time for the next. Also, they put EKG stickers on my hirsute chest and those lil’ bastards do not come off pain-free. It's not quite The 40 Year Old Virgin waxing scene, but I definitely would call out to Kelly Clarkson every once in a while. Essentially, with shock treatments I would be trading depression symptoms for a great deal of added fatigue and it just wouldn't be worth it.

I do suffer from anxiety from time to time. Thankfully it is sporadic and not a constant concern. It’s usually very situational. Sometimes if I am very tired I am more prone to experience it. It is worse when I face an unknowable situation. Like maybe I have new messages and some of them could be angry people. Or if I’m waiting for test results. Or if the phone rings. Why is someone calling me? No one calls me for anything good. I also get anxiety when I face a situation where I’m not sure I have the energy to handle it. Sometimes that is as simple as not knowing if I can stand long enough to get a shower. Sometimes it is a visitor coming over and I don’t know if I my brain will fail me when speaking to them. Sometimes it is going to the hospital and anticipating annoying stone removals. I am thankful my anxiety isn’t a constant monkey on my back, but it definitely paid some very unfriendly visits in 2017.

Another weird and uncomfortable aspect of this year was my financial situation. Since I stopped working on my website, my ad revenue went to basically nothing. I could no longer depend on that income. In the past, a viral post would allow me a nice cushion for emergencies. Now I’m lucky if I have $10 to spare at the end of each month. I haven’t bought anything frivolous in over a year. Sometimes buying a gadget or a toy feels nice. But I’ve been pretty strict with my budget. I am getting a 2% raise with disability, but Trump’s tax thing caused medicare premiums to increase and it basically cancelled that out. I’ve basically given up on paying my past medical debts for the time being. I just let the phone ring when the collectors call. Not sure what else I can do.

Thankfully I get help from a few generous folks who send a few bucks to me every month. And I am extremely grateful to my Patreon people. I was worried since I could not do the photography aspect that they would be upset. But people are very understanding of my medical situation. Folks seem to enjoy the monthly comic Chris and I make and are okay with that being the only content for the time being. I have been brainstorming more content I could provide, but I haven’t come up with anything I have the energy to do yet. I do try my best to make the comics as entertaining as possible, and Chris always draws beautiful artwork for each one. If any of you do decide that contributing to the patreon is no longer worth it, I completely understand. I will find a way to manage. But it does really help pay for the nuggets, so I appreciate your support.

And not to beat a dead comb over’d horse, but I do think Donald Trump did add a giant dollop of shit frosting to this turd cupcake I call 2017. I'm worried about my medicare and disability. That uncertainty is a troubling source of anxiety. It is also very hard for me not to be affected by all of the people his choices hurt. I can’t close my eyes and not look at the world. I can’t shut off my empathy. I feel a responsibility to add my voice to the dissent. He is embarrassing and toxic and frustrating. He is bad for my health, but I refuse to just ignore his existence.

All of this was a lot to handle. Even when things calmed down I still had to face the fact that I had a “new normal.” My life was different and I had to find a way to accept the changes. For a long time I did not adjust to my new normal very well. I became a hermit and stopped communicating even with my best friend and parents. I abandoned my online support system and just retreated into myself. Everything seemed hopeless and my last option of going to the Mayo Clinic seemed impossible. (It still seems impossible, but I am a lot less bummed about it than I used to be.)

In the past, whenever my health had a significant decline, I would eventually adapt and figure out ways to push forward. To live some kind of life. I honestly wasn't sure I could adapt this time. The misery seemed inescapable. It took a very long time, but I do think I have finally found a comfort zone I can tolerate. It's nowhere near ideal but my depression and anxiety have leveled off, I can ignore my fatigue decently, and I am not in a great deal of physical pain. TV shows and movies occupy my mind, I am writing which gives me a sense of purpose, and I am communicating better with the outside world. I talk to friends on facebook. I leave silly comments on their posts. I keep tabs on their lives. (Sometimes I might live a bit vicariously through them.) I feel like I am finally getting back in the world even if I am stuck in bed. I still have some very bad days here and there. I worry every tinge in my back is another kidney stone. And I still get rather lonely at times. But I do feel like I am in a better place right now. I’m hoping I can stay in this comfortable spot for a while.

If there was a bright spot to this troubling year it would definitely be my close friends and my parents. My parents keep me going. I don't know if they realize how important they are to me. I still have a hard time communicating with them on occasion even though they are very easy to talk to and excellent listeners. It's harder for me to have a verbal conversations because my brain can get super foggy. Sometimes I wish they knew how to text message. In any case, I need to work on talking to them more and I think I can do better.

Even when my folks think they aren't as involved in my day to day life and I go into these hermit periods, I still feel their presence. Just knowing they are above me is a great comfort. I know sometimes taking care of me can be a burden. I try to minimize that as best I can. And I may need to look for outside help in the future. But I can't even begin to show my gratitude for all that they do. Whether it is helping me clean or doing my grocery shopping or just listening to me when I need to talk to someone. They are the best support system a person in my predicament could ask for. I love them dearly.

I also have an amazing best friend. Her name is Katrina. She draws adorable comics and you should all follow her tumblr. A lot of my past friendships have faded over time. Sometimes people reach their limit and my health issues are just too much for them to handle. Sometimes friends just run out of things to say to me. Sometimes people just want me to be that funny guy that makes the GIFs on tumblr and when they realize there is more to me than that, they bail. Sometimes everything is fine and we still just drift apart. (I hate that.) Some friends you just don’t talk to very often. They weave in and out of your life. But for some reason, Katrina and I seem impervious to all of that. It doesn’t matter that she is half-a-country away. It doesn’t matter that she is vegan and I still eat meat. It doesn’t matter that I like corgis and she likes pitbulls. Each year that passes we just seem to grow closer. We end up having more to say. We are there for each other when we wake up and there for each other when we go to bed. We have to force ourselves to end skype calls and return to the business of life. We keep building a staggering library of inside jokes. Like Hanus, the corgi with the heart shaped anus. As time goes on, we get to see more aspects of our respective personalities and it just seems to make our hearts grow fonder. I've never experienced this kind of unconditional love from a friend before. Saying we have a close platonic friendship always seems too small. We’ve been workshopping a better term to describe our unique friendship, but it may very well defy description. All I know is that I am grateful she is in my life. I don’t know if I could have escaped this past year without her.

I’m not sure what to expect from this next year. I have some hopes. I don’t expect I’ll ever make a full recovery but I would like to be able to increase my activity level a tiny bit. I’d settle for just a movie night with my friends. The ability to take a few photos might be nice too. I want to continue writing and trying to reach people with my words. And I will probably keep trying to find a way to make it to the Mayo Clinic, even though that seems unlikely at the moment. And I really hope Trump & Friends do not screw up the programs currently keeping me alive and stuff. Or embark in thermonuclear pissing contests.

I suspect this year will be a challenge no matter what happens. I hope I am more prepared for curve balls than I was last year. I am thankful I have all of you to see my words. Venting into an empty void is not nearly as helpful as communicating with amazing followers.

So thank you very much for always listening.

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shsl-shipper-gamer-fangirl · 7 years ago

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More dangan thieves

“Toot! Toot! This is a HOLD UP!”

“Or maybe doot doot? Ibuki can’t choose which gun to use! Tu turuu~”

“Cease your movement, unruly shadows! Do not make me repeat myself.“

“Are you sure that’s aaaaall the money you have? Let’s open you up and check just to be sure!“

Ibuki Mioda Codename: Noise or Encore Arcana: Sun

Mask: Metal face mask from Mad Max except it extends up to her two oni horns hair [NOTE: unlike all the other masks, only Ibuki's doesn't cover her eyes but beware, her true power lies in her voice]

Ourfit: Looks like something picked out from Kingdom Hearts with all the unnecessary belts and zippers, honestly what style is she even going for? The color scheme is still the same except instead of the school uniform, she wears a lot of leather like a post-apocalyptic musician. Her gloves are mismatched: her right is pink and ends at her wrist while her left is striped pink and ends at her elbow.

Persona: Mousai [yes, she gets all 9 muses in 1 summon, she calls them her band]

*NOTE: Ibuki is that one character who actually tried to apply to become a Dangan Thief. In a convenient turn of events, she managed to eavesdrop on one of their meetings (who knew that doing dubious vocal training at suspicious corners would pay off!) and she was excited as hell! She thought they were cool and wanted to try it out. Through sheer confidence (much to the annoyance of the party), she was able to convince them to let her join (mostly to watch) on one of their field days. Things escalated but thankfully she awakened her persona in the moment of crisis.

Skillset: Strong nuclear skills, weak to psychokinesis; high critical rates but also low resistance to status ailments

Weapons: Guitar axe, sword flute, hammer drum, tuning dagger, trombone shotgun, trumpet pistol, harp crossbow, violin bow, french horn grenade launcher (where does Ibuki get all these weapons?!)

All-Out Attack Card: "Face the music" blasting from speakers (think Coma Doof of Mad Max Fury Road) with her weapon on fire she shouts, "This girl is on fiyaaaaaah!"

Awakening Scene: Mousai: All this shouting reminds us of a song, does it not? A pitiful song. Look at them, walking all over you, drumming to a rhythm that silences yours. Are you just going to let this miserable song go on? Where is your voice? Why aren't you singing louder than these fools who think they can!

Ibuki: This is the part where Ibuki proves you wrong mysterious voice inside Ibuki's head! Clearly you're new to my concert 'cause you would know that I was just warming up! Ibuki didn't become a rockstar by being quiet, Ibuki ROARED! I'll show you just how loud I can be at FULL VOLUME!

Mousai: And here we thought you couldn't get any louder. Your song has finally reached us. As you already know, all great musicians had to sign a contract. I art thou... thou art I...

Ibuki: ROCK AND ROCK AND ROCK AND ROCK AND ROCKROCKROCKROCKROCK AND ROLL, MOUSAI!

Quotes: "Onwards to the next concert, Ace Detective!" "Too fast! I didn't even get to do a solo!" "I leveled up! And I have song to celebrate with!" “Oooooh! A new skill! I can totally rock this!” "That sparkle! That shine! That shining shimmering splendid! It's a treasure chest! Let's go for it!" "A safe room you say? Let's take five and rehearse." “Nothing exciting like wandering in someone's world inside their head.” "Hehehe... I'm just warming up. Bring on the show!" “Can I get an encore? Do you want more?” "Wheeeeeew, boy am I pooped! Let's stop the tour here please." "Look, a shadow! We should go say hi!" “A rabbid fan saw us! Run run run RUN!” "It's like an amateur facing off with a pro... boring and unfair." “Mmmmmhhhhh, I feel like that one would explode with just one note.” "Huh?! You want to fight that? Okay but this is a death flag just saying." “Watch out! This feels like one of those important showdowns! Gotta get your cool lines ready beforehand.” “All my friends, we're glorious! Tonight we are victorious!”

*BATON PASS!* "LET'S MAKE SOME NOISE!" *PROTECT* "Move, bitch! Get out the way!" *ENDURE* "Ugh... My last one standing game is strong!" *PERSONA!* "Burn the stage down, Mousai!" *Follow Up* "Need a second voice for that solo?" *Cover Fire* "Please oh please let me do the chorus." *Harisen Recovery* "Wake up, get up, GET OUT THERE!" *low on health* "I can see it... my ending! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" *healing someone* "Don't die on me for plot device!" *getting healed* "Aaaaaaah! Feeling alive is so much better than feeling dead." *giving buffs* "Power ups for more power!" *physical attacks* "How do you like the sound of that?" *attacking* "GET REKT!" *attack misses* “Oh no! My hidden ditzy character is showing!" *couldn't finish off enemy* "Can't believe it didn't die, so rude!" *fainting* "It's weird... I can't seem to hear anything... so sad." *getting resurrected* “An encore? Well don't mind if I do!"

[lmao these are all song lyrics] *status ailment* "I, I shake it off! I shake it off!" Burn: "It's fire burning! Fire burning on the dance floor!" Freeze: “Yo, VIP, Let's kick it!!!! Ice! Ice! Baby!” Shock: "Girl, I'm all charged up! Cutie! Electro-cutie!" Forget: "See you driving 'round town with the girl I love and I'm like. Forget you! Ooh, ooh, ooh~" Charm: "We found love in a hopeless place~" Rage: "Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the... FLOOOOOOOOOR!" or “ORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!” Despair: "Please don't take... my sunshine away..." Hunger: "Ah ya ya ya ya I! Keep on hoping we'll eat cake by the ocean!" Dizzy: "You spin my head right round, right round. When you go down, when you go down down." Sleep: “In the jungle... the mighty jungle... the lion sleeps tonight... A weema-weh, wimoweh, wimba way, awimbawe..." Silence: *#@$%&?! or (somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence) Mouse: *to the tune of hickory dickory dock* "Squeaksqueaksqueak squeaksqueaksqueak squeak~"

Mementos Chats: "The acoustics here are amazing! I bet I can yell and it would ECHOOOOOOOO!" "Uuuuuuuggggggghhhhh. Why does Silence even exist? It just makes me want to be LOUDER!" "I tried singing to them shadows, like legit singin not attacking-singing. And they just exploded? Rude!" "Shadows haven't developed the advanced hearing we people persons have. Otherwise they would have been enjoying my concerts." "Hey, maybe I should write my next song about Dangan Thieves. 'You stole my heart so I'm stealing your distorted desires'"

Ibuki: Maybe I should try bringing more instruments next time. I want to try pulling off a concert with my new band! Hajime: For the last time, your persona is not a band. Please only limit summoning them for thieving purposes.

Hajime: I knew you always had a dangerous taste in music but this is just taking it to the next level. Ibuki: What are you talking about, SpaceAce? This is just my usual.

Chiaki: This is so exciting, I think. I've always liked those characters who literally use music to attack. Ibuki: Awwww, that's so sweet of you, Bonbon. I'm gonna dedicate my next song to you!

Nagito: You are lively as always, ahahaha. Nothing can keep your hope quiet, how wonderful! Ibuki: Damn right! Noise is here to turn up the volume!

Fuyuhiko: Where the fuck do you get all these crazy shit weapons? Ibuki: They're Noise Originals obviously! Made them myself to use during concerts but my bandmates never let me.

Peko: The way you wield your instruments... it is quite intriguing. It looks reckless but under trained eyes, it actually holds perfect form. You make it look so easy. Ibuki: Hrrrrr, I don't really get what you say. I just play like how I would, ya know?

Mahiru: Please tell me you don't actually use your weapons in real life. Ibuki: Definitely nadah! Noise is against fighting. Oh, but I do use them to play some sweet notes sometimes.

Ibuki: If I can summon nine people, that's eight more than normal! Oh, no! Does that mean Noise has multiple personalities! Impostor: No, that's not it. I can assure you that's not your case and there's no need for you to worry.

Impostor: Ibuki:

Tsumiki: U-Um, please not so loud when near other people. Hiiii! I'm so s-sorry! It's just, um... it could cause hearing problems so... sorry! Ibuki: It's cool, dokidoki! I just gotta be loud far far away, got it.

Sonia: You have quite the unique persona. To think that your other self looks like a group of nine persons, how interesting! Ibuki: I knooooow! It's like my fantasy band! Me, myself, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and Loud I.

------

Gundam Tanaka Codename: (Evil Overlord) Lich Arcana: Strength

Mask: Aku Shogun of Sorrow Mask by EpicLeather

Ourfit: Typical evil overlord getup (think castlevania dracula). Old fashion, dark and edgy, with a cape (black on the outside, violet on the inside), and his purple long scarf still wrapped around his neck. His left sleeve is rolled up until his elbow but instead of bandages, there's a gauntlent made of bones. His gloves have a skeletal design.

*IMPORTANT NOTE: Even though none of his hamsters have awakened, Gundam still insists on bringing the Four Dark Devas of Destruction with him, even going so far as making them all tiny individual masks, and redubbing them as the Four Dangan Devas of Thieving. Their codenames are as follows:

"Supernova Silver Fox" San-D: Inari "Mirage Golden Hawk" Jum-P: Horus "Crimson Steel Elephant": Ganesha "Invading Black Dragon" Cham-P: Ao Shun

Persona: Kaminari-sama, god of lightning, thunder, storms Note: unlike popular depictions, Gundam's persona looks more adorable than threatening, it's cute AF, takes a form similar to the momonga, japanese dwarf flying squirrel, but with sparks

Skillset: Strong zio skills but weak to garu Weapons: Pair of sai and revolver or flintlock

All-Out Attack Card: “INFINITY UNLIMITED FLAME” written in a summon circle with dark flames scorching in the background and he says, "Ha! You weak creatures make me laugh!"

Awakening Scene: Kaminari-sama: How many times more will you let people make a mockery of your power? You are a Lord of Darkness, are you not? And yet rather than respect, they throw ridicule and insults at you, call you a false god. A powerless god. I ask you this, are you truly that powerless?

Gundam: For a demon born from the abyss of my heart, you should already know the answer. I've been ridiculed enough by others so do not dare join their mockery! A powerless god you say, ha! They spout insults AND lies! My power is no joke. And they would regret every word they said that assumed otherwise!

Kaminari-sama: Spoken like a true Dark Lord. As long as you understand your rights then let us proceed with the contract. I art thou... thou art I... The power you've longed for is already within your grasp. You are no benevolent god. You are an Evil Overlord who destroys all obstacles and punishes all those who oppose you!

Gundam: That's right! Bwahaha! At last! The seal on my dark powers has finally been broken! From this day forth, I have been born anew, only to lay waste to those before me! Strike them down, Kaminari-sama!

Codename: Gundam: Hahaha! At last! The time to unleash my wrath upon the world has come! Tremble before the destructive force before you!

Chiaki: Congratulations on unlocking your persona, Gundam. New party member acquired!

Nagito: It was quite the sight to behold, your awakening, truly I am lucky to witness such hope. Ah, and now you've decided to join us as well. Hmmm, I suppose it's time to address the next issue. So what should his codename be?

Gundam: Ha! I've been waiting for this moment! From here on out you shall address me by my true name! For I am Evil Overlo—

Mahiru: Overruled.

Gundam: W-What's this blasphemy? I haven't even finished yet!

Fuyuhiko: Yeah, you don't need to finish that for us to know it was going to be a long ass name. Newsflash edgelord, we're only shooting for two syllables at most.

Gundam: How preposterous! That is simply not enough to seal my abyssmal power in words. Do you not understand the consequences should my strength remain unrestrained? This pathetic world shall be torn asunder!

Peko: Perhaps we should hear him out first. There must be at least something short for a codename in what he was proposing. Let's try to focus on the main component of his name and then debate on the honorifics later. Is that acceptable enough?

Gundam: Hmph, as long as you do not forget then I shall agree to those terms for now.

Tsumiki: Then um... What would you l-like your codename to be?

Gundam: Evil Overlord of the Underworld

Mahiru: Too long! And I still can't pick any of those for a codename! Take this seriously, will you?

Gundam: You dare question my name? It would seem mortals still lack the skill to comprehend true power before their eyes.

Impostor: It's actually more of a technicality. We can't call you Overlord or Lord because it'll simply get confused with mine, King. Evil and Underworld are out of the question. Is there no other name you wish to go by?

Gundam: Ah... I see. Someone else has claimed a similar name. Even a dark lord such as myself knows to honor rights. I did not foresee such an event.

Chiaki: In other words, you didn't have any backup aliases... I think.

Sonia: Hold your head high, my dark overlord! For I shall crown you with a name worthy of your esteem!

Gundam: What? What is this name that you speak of, Dark Queen?

Sonia: *whispers to herself* Actually, I go by Enchantress here but I don't mind being called your Dark Queen... *clears throat* There is a name spoken with fear in my country. I believe only you can hold it with the same tenacity. Lich, a being of the dark arts. It suits you, does it not, Evil Overlord Lich?

Gundam: Evil Overlord Lich... Fuhuhu... Yes! I can feel the dark arts resonating with it! COWER BEFORE THE MIGHT OF EVIL OVERLORD LICH! Bwahahaha!

Chiaki: Good for you, Evil Overlord Lich.

Hajime: No. No way. We are NOT going to call him that all the time.

Gundam: Traitor! You had promised me freedom in choosing my name! Are you saying that you had no honor to uphold those words from the very beginning!

Nagito: Oh, my. It seems you've upset him. It would be a lengthy discussion if we decide to change his codename at this point. How about we settle for a compromise instead?

Hajime: Fine. We'll call you Evil Overlord Lich whenever but in battles we are redacting that to Lich. Is that compromise enough?

Gundam: I suppose those are agreeable terms. The contract is sealed. You now have my blood in your hands, do your best to not fall prey to its insanity.

Hajime: Yeah, sure whatever. Good to know that you're finally happy. Now let's go.

Gundam: Do not dare to leave just yet. There is another important matter that needs your immediate attention. Be grateful that I had warned you or else you would have suffered a horrible death.

Fuyuhiko: Oh, c'mon! We've already spent like ten minutes here. What else do you want to talk about? Your fucking madeup backstory?

Gundam: You should tread carefully with your words, mere mortal. But no, this urgent business does not address me. It is a decision regarding beings higher than myself.

Mahiru: We get it. Higher powers. Fancy words. Just get to the point and let's be done with this.

Gundam: Now that my power has been sealed by name, I request your assistance in performing more seals... specifically four.

Quotes: "I have spells that last longer than that fight. Let us set off!" "Muwahahaha... I can feel it! Power surges through my veins!" “My repertoir increases yet again!” "A treasure chest? What dangers does this one hold within?" "We've arrived at a safe room. Do not waste this moment's reprieve." “This journey pales in comparison to the trek I did to reach the Underworld where my brethren live.” "An Evil Overlord is a being void of humanity. Worry not for I need no rest." “My mortal vessel is proving to be cumbersome. Even so, I will not let it hold me back.” "Do not mistake this exhaustion for weakness. Contain such great power puts a toll on any mortal body and my vessel has reached its limits." "Fiends run amok. Shall we cleanse the area?" “Ack! We've been sighted? They must have felt the disturbance in the air." “I take pity on these unworthy opponents.” "They are no threat to us. Quickly decide on their fates." "Tread carefully! Even from this distance, I can sense the oppressiveness of their powers." “We must prepare ourselves for this one or our lives shall be forfeit.” “Another victory to add to my inordinate saga!”

*BATON PASS!* "Face the wrath of The Evil Overlord Lich!" *PROTECT* "Fool! Defend yourself!" *ENDURE* "You fiend... Did you think that was enough to best me?" *PERSONA!* "Rise forth, Kaminari-sama!" or "Strike them down, Kaminari-sama!" *Follow Up* "Call upon my wrath!" *Cover Fire* "Let my thunderstorm rain upon them!" *Harisen Recovery* "Do not disappoint me!" *low on health* "Hmph... Did you truly think that dying would strike fear into my heart?" *healing someone* "It's far too early for you to join me in the Underworld." *getting healed* "I shall remember your generosity." *giving buffs* "By the dark arts, I imbue you with strength!" *physical attacks* "Lightning strikes! Twice!" *attacking* "Your end is nigh!" *attack misses* “Preposterous! You avoided your fate?" *couldn't finish off enemy* "Delaying the inevitable will only bring you greater suffering." *fainting* "Fallen I have... but my life was one lived to the fullest." *getting resurrected* “A second chance? If you truly miss me then I will gladly return at your call.”

*status ailment* "Curse this mortal body!" Burn: "This fire holds no flame against my Infinity Unlimited Flame!" Freeze: “This frostbite is all bark and no bite!” Shock: "Betrayed...? By my own element?" Forget: "My name... has been sealed again?" Charm: “The call of darkness beckons me!” Rage: “Face the wrath of my fury!” Despair: "All these struggles... are they even worth it?" Hunger: "The beast within howls! I recquire sustenance immediately!" Dizzy: "What's this? I can't sense their aura as sharply!" Sleep: “Snore... Tremblewithfear... Zzz...” Silence: !!! Mouse: "SQUEAK!"

Mementos Chats: "Be grateful, foolish mortals, for I am a generous Dark Lord who spares his time for your thievery." "Some of the shadows look more animalistic than fiendish... what is this inner turmoil?" "The storm surges on outside in the real world. Now is the time to strike terror into the shadows!" "I can feel it... My Evil Eye tells me that there is great malice within the walls of Mementos." "I shall conquer the real world and the cognitive world as well!" "An Evil Overlord serving as a Dangan Thief... Of course, evil is known to wear many masks."

Chiaki: Our personas should reflect our own psyches, right? Hajime: I guess. I mean they aren't called our "other selves" for no reason. Chiaki: Hmmm, I see. I wonder what that says about Lich. Nagito: Ah, I now understand why you brought this up. He does posess an... interesting persona. Fuyuhiko: Just call it as it is. It's fucking adorable that's what. Mahiru: For a guy who's edgier than a knife, he's actually a huge softie on the inside. Ibuki: Oyaoya? Could this be what they call "gap moe"? Tsumiki: B-But it's still dangerous! It h-hurt a lot when he got brainwashed and used it on me, hiiii! Impostor: True, we must not underestimate it for its appearance. His persona is terrifying... no matter how cute it seems. Peko: That may be so... I wonder if it's fur is as soft as it looks... Maybe since it's a persona, I can actually get to pet it. Sonia: It would seem that everyone has taken a liking to your persona, oh Dark One. It's very cute indeed. Gundam: Cute is not befitting for a god! It's merely a disguise for you to let your guard down- cease your shallow appraisal on its appearance!

Gundam: I thought we agreed that you would address me by my full title outside of battles. Hajime: Lich can you not.

Hajime: I can't believe you really did bring your hamsters with you... Wait, are those masks? You even made them their own masks? By hand? Gundam: How else do you suppose would they acquire garments fitting of gods?

Chiaki: Whenever Lich talks, it's like I'm playing an old fantasy RPG. Recruiting an Evil Overlord as a party member is amazing, I think. Gundam: Even for someone as aloof as yourself, you say the wisest things. No need to thank my generosity, you're welcome.

Nagito: It's actually quite thoughtful of you to make masks for your hamsters. These are very well made even. As expected of someone filled with so much hope! Gundam: Fufufu... Your praise will not earn you any favors but it is acceptable enough.

Fuyuhiko: You could tone it down with your fancy shit. Seriously just yell zio like any person with common sense would, no need for a five minute incantation full of crap. Gundam: You lack the power to understand the full potential of my spells. My incantations fuel the strength of my skills so do not underestimate their value.

Peko: Even in the Metaverse, the animal-based shadows fear me... Gundam: Do not despair over such a loss. Come now, let my Four Dangan Devas of Thieving comfort you.

Mahiru: Your outfit is impractical as always. Isn't that cape too long? You're going to step on it one day. Gundam: A small price to pay for the physical manifestation of my power. There is nothing to fear for I, Evil Overlord Lich, shall die by

Tsumiki: Um... Is it really alright for those four to join us? These battles can get life-threatening... Gundam: Fret not, nurse of the heart. These four devas are more trained than I. Should the need arise, they are capable of defending themselves.

Impostor: So we have a King and an Overlord, and yet our leader is called Ace. Gundam: The Chosen One must humble themselves to serve a position of such high authority. Although this does bring attention to an issue. Perhaps we should discuss with him a change of title.

Ibuki: Yahooo! Now that Lychee has real powers, does that make him OOC when he talks about his fake real powers? Noise is confused. Gundam: It's Lich, Noisy One. And I don't need to understand your outdated language to know that you've thrown ridicule at me. I've always had this power. It's just that only now with the seal is broken can you bear witness to its wrath.

Sonia: Oh, how lovely! You brought the four devas with you today as well. May I? Gundam: ...They would not be so opposed.

Sonia: As expected of you! Your outfit is as handsome as your usual! Gundam: *hides under scarf* I... could say the same to you. Yours suit you quite well.

Gundam: It is... new to me to have a creature bound to me and yet have no obligation to care for it regularly. Sonia: Oh, you're talking about your persona, aren't you? I see, I didn't think it would bother you this much. That just shows how much dedicated you are, it's quite admirable.

Gundam: That was a formidable move you used back there. Your fire for chaos burns ever so fervently. Sonia: Thank you, that's one of my favorite fires actually.

-----

Hiyoko Saionji Codename: Ibis Arcana: Tower

Mask: Red bird shaped mask with a long black beak

Ourfit: Traditional shrine maiden attire (red hakama or pleated skirt tied with a bow, white haori, some ribbons) The sleeves look like feathers to further resemble the Japanese crested ibis.

Persona: Karura, divine creature with human torso and birdlike head

*NOTE: Hiyoko is recruited after getting Mahiru, she is introduced during one of Mahiru's confidant events. If you use Mahiru enough times in the active party then this will trigger an extra quest wherein Hiyoko eventually joins the team. She only joins because of Mahiru obviously.

Skillset: Strong garu skills and weak to zio. Good at inflicting status ailments and debuffs, and nullifying party debuffs. Weapons: Tessen (japanese war fan) and fukiya (japanese blow gun)

All-Out Attack Card: "Dance on someone's grave" painted on the backdrop of a traditional stage and she says, "Squish! Squish! Ahahaha! You're all WEAK!"

Awakening Scene: Karura: What is your next step? Will you just cry over it like some child? Have you not grown up at all? For all the elegance and maturity that your dance brings, your steps falter outside that of a stage. How pitiful. Perhaps crying suits you more than dancing given how spoiled you've become.

Hiyoko: How dare you! I'm not a kid! I haven't been a kid ever since I wore my first kimono! Why are you so mean to me? Aren't you supposed on my side? Everyone keeps ganging up on me. I hate you all! Cry? Don't make me laugh. The only ones who'll be crying are my enemies as I crush them under my heels!

Karura: Yes, that is the attitude most befitting on you. The dance is always most exciting at its climax. I art thou... thou art I... Abandon your childlike innocence, you have no need for that where we are heading. The merciless spirit of a warrior suits you more, as it should. Do not shed tears but rather strive for your enemy's bloodshed.

Hiyoko: Hmph! You don't need to tell me twice. I'm gonna have soooo much fun playing with them! And CRUSHING them to pieces. Once I enter the stage, only I leave in one piece. Dance, Karura!

Quotes: "Too easy. Hey, what are you standing there for? Let's go, bowtie." "Yaaaay! I leveled up!" “New skill! Yay! I wonder how painful this one would be!” "Look! A treasure chest! It's all sparkly and shouting to be opened!" "Finally, a safe room! My feet huuuuuurt!" “Why isn't there just a shortcut to the treasure?” "I got a good sleep which means I can play more today!" “As long as I get to kill some shadows then I guess I can go along just a bit more.” "Ehhh? We're still going? I don't wannaaaaaaa." "Look, a bug! Let's crush it." "We were spotted? This is all your fault!" “They're so weak that at least insects leave a mark after.” "Huh? Are you sure? They look pretty scary to me." “They're obviously big bad meanies. Don't get us killed over your stupidity.” “Victory! Yay! Who knew killing shadows could be so fun!”

*BATON PASS!* "Ibis elegantly flying in!" *PROTECT* "Hey, pushover!" *ENDURE* "*sniffles* I don't want to die!" *PERSONA!* "Slaughter them, Karura!" or "Soar, Karura!" *Follow Up* "Let's kill them while we're at it." *Cover Fire* "I'll help if you ask niiiiicely." *Harisen Recovery* "Don't be such a baby!" *low on health* "A little help here?!" *healing someone* "You owe me for this." *getting healed* "*mumbles* Thanks..." *giving buffs* "Now you don't have any excuse." *physical attacks* "Oh this? Don't mind the sharp edges." *attacking* "Ahahaha! You're going to get sliced like fish!" *attack misses* "Huuuh? You have a lot of nerve to dodge that!" *couldn't finish off enemy* "Seriously? Just die already!" *fainting* "*crying* Why... Why are you all so mean?" *getting resurrected* "*sniffles* Thanks. Now I can finally get my revenge."

*status ailment* "I don't feel so good... *sniffle*" Burn: "Too hot! I want some ice cream!" Freeze: “Are you trying to freeze me to death? Get me a kotatsu!” Shock: "Tch! I'm going to kill you twice for this!" Forget: "Huh? What was the next step again?" Charm: “Well who could blame me? If I'm fighting then I'm fighting with the winning team.” Rage: “I'll break you... piece by broken piece!” Despair: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Why is this so hard!" Hunger: "Sweets! Hand me gummies right now! No yellow!" Dizzy: "Euugh... I think I'm going to be sick..." Sleep: “Zzz… CRUSH” Silence: ...! Mouse: "Squeak!"

Mementos Chats: "Killing shadows is sooooo much fun! Yay!" "You know what else is fun? Having the shadows beg for mercy as we extort more money from them. "I was raised in a traditional household and traditionally, we always get what we want." "All this fighting makes me crave for some sweets." "If I knew how much fun it is to kill shadows without consequence then I would have signed up for Dangan Thieves sooner!"

Hiyoko: Ehh? You're the leader? Well aren't you just disappointing. Hajime: I'm really starting to think we shouldn't accept everyone who joins.

Hajime: Why am I actually not surprised at how sadistically good you are at this? Hiyoko: Ew! I'm not interested so don't bother complimenting me.

Chiaki: Amazing! I've only seen it in videogames but you can actually fight using fans! Hiyoko: I can do so much more than just fight. There's slice and kill too.

Nagito: I was wondering how you would adapt here but clearly I've underestimated your hope. You're more than capable in battle, I'm pleasantly surprised by this development. Hiyoko: Why is this creep here? Are you going to kick him out or do I have to?

Fuyuhiko: Don't get all cocky just because you've got a few tricks up your sleeve. Hiyoko: Oh look, the Baby Gangster knows how to talk.

Peko: So that makes two of us with bird motifs... Hiyoko: It's frustrating that I wasn't the first one but I guess we have no choice but to share.

Tsumiki: I-I'm so happy that you're with us too! Hiyoko: Shut it! No one asked for your opinion, pig barf! But for the record, someone has to look after you so you don't screw up like you always do.

Ibuki: Ibissy~ Look at you! Killing shadows! Stealing treasures! Wow, you sure grow up fast! Hiyoko: It literally only took me one minute to get a persona and "grow up".

Impostor: Is something the matter? You've been staring. Hiyoko: Wow, I knew pork feet was rich but I didn't think you'd have the balls to wear rich.

Sonia: It's amazing watching you do battle. Your dances are just as captivating as they are deadly! Hiyoko: Not all of us can be this good so I step it up.

Gundam: Since you are new at this, I am generous enough to guide you. Should you have any questions, know that I know more than you. Hiyoko: You guys really don't discriminate when recruiting, huh.

Hiyoko: Waaaaaaaaah! I'm so happy I get to be with you more, Big Sis! Mahiru: Now, now. No need to cry. I'm happy too.

Mahiru: It's a good thing that you joined us. Your skills are unique and valuable. Debuffs can really take a toll. Hiyoko: Not as useful as yours, Big Sis! I'm so happy that there's at least one reliable person here!

Mahiru: I'm kind of jealous that everyone has such elaborate personas and mine is just... this. Hiyoko: Why are you getting sad over that? Yours is waaaay better than what the rest of these losers have.

Hiyoko: Yay! Killing shadows is way more fun than squishing bugs! Mahiru: Hearing you say that with such a carefree face makes me worry a bit... Just don't get too carried away.

#dangan thieves AU #ibuki mioda #gundam tanaka #hiyoko saionji #dangan ronpa #danganronpa #sdr2 #gundham tanaka #especially proud of gundam #he has codenames for the hamsters #and that's it for profiles from me #not gonna write for the remaining cast #because i'll be busy #i might put some placeholder codenames but that's it #i crammed these three in a week so cut me some slack

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kosmicdream · 7 years ago

Note

So does the reproduction focus for Hekatons lead to, um, homophobia?

There’s quite a lot of homophobia, yeah. Sad trombone noise. :( Simon sure came from a community that was largely homophobic which took him a lonnnnnnng time to unpack. He didn’t even realize how much of it he had internalized!!! I think that is why it took him so long to realize he was into knife lmfao. (and that he was also interested in nail, he just rly didnt get it. i dont think he ever realized that he had a huge crush on nail even to this day. oops.) Homophobia in hekaton communities def clashes with worm ones tho. Worms obviously are very fluid with their genders since they do not generally apply to binary constructs. they dont even think of those much rly. they’re dumb and worms are BEYOND such things. And even when they sorta appear that they do apply to the rules, they generally are also attracted to the same things they themselves look like, so they generally appear very gay. they are gay. are straight worms even possible?? i dont know....... that feels almost too difficult to pinpoint what a worm is besides being a worm. and anyway the more a worm tries to be ‘human’ the more they’ll prob adopt the bad opinions on gender and sexuality, lets gesture over to dylan as a wonderful example of Worm With The Anxiety™. so like worms and hekatons will usually get in debates and dislike eachothers opinions on things. Worms also just dislike hekatons b/c they smell bad to them and they cannot eat hekatons. But they will obvs work together w/ them on the war against humans. its a business thing. and when humans are dead they’re ttly gonna fight eachother next, probably. weeds and robots roll their eyes in the corner of the room as everyone forgets they exist. Hekatons generally see worms as freaky sexual deviants and if ur a hekaton that sleeps w/ a worm ur probably gay or desperate or WORSE..a DESPERATE gay. Its generally more socially acceptable to sleep w/ humans b/c thats like, dominating and TTLY WINNING the war. high five my dudes. heh!! pwned!! Pirate hekatons are prob the most vile in this regard. Please do not be a human and come across a pirate ship of hekatons. u do not want that. for real. pirate hekatons are nasty and are the reason hekatons get a bad rep lol. Ofc all above is more in reference to hekaton communities outside of the ghost kingdom. In the ghost kingdom, hekatons r socially more accepted to be bisexual and women especially are generally encouraged to have more than one partner. (however communication and healthy relationships is very important n ppl do not tolerate cheating at all. that is super horrible.) So while homophobia isn’t really as much of a thing there. However, There’s still pretty deep issues w/ transphobia and pushing heks to fulfill + conform certain gender roles. :/ Which is a huge reason why locket actually found it..ummm... refreshing to leave??? even though he got exposed to another culture of intense fucked up issues, he does feel a bit more hope b/c worms sorta seem to get it a little better..? (altho honestly, worms kind of just dont think about these things the same way so it can be just as difficult to talk to them abt it. they dont have patience to understand!!!!! who cares about labels!!!!!!! words r stupid!!! UGH im HUNGRY) Locket’s just......optimistically hopeful ok??????? he rly wants to meet another trans hekaton or trans human or trans ANYTHING for real. besides his evil murder dad, which he doesnt want to relate to but can’t help it cuz who the fuck else is there. hello??? he needs more positive/healthy #lgbtrepresentation in his life. he did not expect homophobia to be a thing, btw, that was a pretty upsetting aspect of leaving home. that kinda rattled him for a bit b/c now he feels very insecure over openly expressing his interest in dudes lol. (he’s pansexual/bisexual for the record.)

#ffak faq #ffak #feast for a king #locket #hekatonkheires #hydragora worm #wuyaofthewoods

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autisticandroids · 8 years ago

Note

Siskarak, of course.

-who cries when someone dies in a movie

okay look. i love ben sisko very much. he is cool and collected in a lot of serious situations, and in situations where he can’t keep his cool, he redirects his emotions mainly into righteous anger. but watching a movie is not a serious situation. it is a very much not serious situation and honestly? ben sisko is a sentimental person in a lot of ways. i think he would get attached to characters enough to be sad when the Bad Thing happens, whatever that is. and imo ben believes in healthy expression of emotions. i doubt he would prevent himself from crying if he wanted to and was in a safe place to do so. and like, watching a movie is a safe place.

also, since having a teenage son he can no longer watch horror movies where the teenagers die.

-who wears the ugly holiday garb

both but in different ways. ben’s holiday garb is.......... what you would expect from benjamin sisko’s holday garb. remember, we are preeeeeeetty sure this man is the one responsible for jake’s bus seat era fashion statements.

elim, on the other hand, doesn’t celebrate many holidays as i doubt cardassia has many, and while he would participate in ben’s federation traditions, i doubt he would go particularly all out. BUT come Cardassian Patriotism Day, which arrives once per cardassian year, elim is Ready. he has an outfit, that he only wears on that one day. it’s a long robe, metallic silver, representing the cardassian military, and embroidered carefully (by elim) around all the hems with whatever the cardassian pledge of allegiance is. it’s knee length, and he wears matching silver pants under it, with a ton of gaudy rings too.

it looks like he’s wearing tinfoil.

-who pays for the meals

nobody, because the federation is a communist utopia. although actually when they go out to latinum restaurants, probably elim, because while ben has a job that WOULD be higher paying than elim’s if they were on the same standard, ben doesn’t get paid for his job except in prestige. all he gets is the same small latinum stipend that every federation citizen gets in case they encounter a place with a mostly latinum economy (like ds9). elim, although he is but an artisan, actually has more money than ben in general because he’s not a federation citizen and is therefore subject to capitalism. although once they get married and elim IS a federation citizen, elim stops working so much. he still does fancy commissions, especially for people he likes, but he can afford to be choosy about the work he takes on, so he is.

-who slams the oven door and who plays the trombone

decisions, decisions..................... symbolically? elim plays the trombone and ben slams the oven door, because elim is, as a person, more likely to start dumb shit.

realistically? i actually never wondered whether either of them could play a musical instrument, so i’m not sure. elim i’m pretty sure definitely can’t play anything, unless they forced him to learn something *classy* at Cardassian Upper Class Finishing School For Boys which he was definitely sent to. when would he have had the time?

ben........ hmmmmm. ben could’ve been a band kid but like, seriously. have you heard avery brooks’ voice? he was clearly choir. clearly. and never the twain shall meet. he might’ve even gotten singing coaching.

i don’t know if i can see ben like... seeking out music lessons outside a school context. he’s too focused on his career and family, i feel like he’d sink all his time into his career, his family, and things he can share with his family like baseball. so i imagine if he does know an instrument, it’s self-taught, and probably the kind of instrument that’s good for a family singalong. but i mean, the trumpet can be good for that.

anyway, realistically, ben plays the trumpet and elim slams the door.

-who brings home stray animals

okay look the thing is, ben is a dad, but he’s not a Deeply Impulsive Person. he’ll put out milk for local stray cats and give them pets, but he wouldn’t like... bring them home unless he went through like... an exhaustive level of Am I Kidnapping Someone’s Pet checks.

elim grabs sad looking stray cats off the side of the road and runs off with them. the number of cats in the sisko-garak household is getting out of hand. that’s the other reason ben doesn’t bring home strays.

-who leaves the bathroom door open

honestly gross? but elim does this. i really am attached to the idea that cardassians have somewhat looser nudity taboos because of basking, and also, they would probably have buried their feces and uric acid (cardassians, as desert lizards, are probably uricotelic. in simple terms, you know how birds don’t pee and instead excrete that white stuff? the white stuff is called uric acid and cardassians excrete that because it conserves water. follow for more piss headcanons). so i doubt that they would use similar bathroom facilities as humans or have the same bathroom etiquette.

-who tells the 'dad jokes'

benjamin “i know it says ‘Lafayette’ on my I.D. but my real middle name is actually Dad” sisko

-who wants kids more

please consult answer to previous question, and also on a more serious note remind yourself of the fact that elim garak was abused as a child and probably does not have a great view of childhood in general.

-who travels more

like, once they’re together, i feel like they would stick together. ben might occasionally go on business trips but like. elim is a clingy lizard and would probably get separation anxiety. no fun at all.

-who spends more cash

elim, again. even after they’re married, he still has more money than ben, because he still maintains a bit of business on the side, whereas like i said, benjamin sisko does exactly zero paid work, everything he does is for the federation. they merge their finances, of course, but elim is simply more used to having and using money. ben carefully supports as many businesses as he can on the promenade, but it’s still weird to him. elim has been buying things all his life.

-who buys the things in infomercials

the federation doesn’t have infomercials, because of space communism. ben has almost never encountered them in his life and is honestly..... kind of intrigued. he kinda wants to buy that never-needs-to-be-sharpened kitchen knife.........

-who draws in the dust on their cars

ben, absentmindedly. elim is still too trained in the habit of leaving no tangible trace behind.

-who starts the snowball fights

okay, look, elim is a Nasty Boy, but he would not do this because snow is cold and he would rather not touch it. also, ben is a dad. it is the universal rule of dadness that dads start snowball fights.

once the first snowball is thrown, though, elim will fight to defend his pride. he is a master of the “handful of snow down the back of the neck” dirty trick.

-who throws away the directions to things

okay they would both do it, but ben would do it because he didn’t realize they were important, and elim would do it because clearly, he can figure this out on his own, thank you,,,

-who puts up holiday decor

elim, i think. ben decides what holidays they celebrate mostly but elim has more free time and an eye for design.

-who is more likely to forget to bathe

elim, since “bathing” isn’t really an essential part of cardassian culture since they come from a desert world. they do sand baths instead. and besides, cardassians don’t sweat. the only time their skin gets gross on its own is when they’re shedding.

-who gets more obsessed about things

BEN!!!!!! okay i’ve made noises about ben being autistic before but like..... he is specifically Special Interest Focused autistic. he gets really into stuff.

-who sings in the shower more often

benjamin. once in a choir, always in a choir.

#siskarak #elim garak #benjamin sisko #ds9 #star trek #thank you for sending this :3c #benicebefunny

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davidastbury · 7 years ago

Text

October 2017

St Ann’s Square, Manchester

I am behind a mother and child – she is moving very quickly and the small boy is trotting after her. Easy to see that he is in the dog-house, having been told off for something or other, and now his mother is ignoring him - her head turned away.

He is making gestures with his hands – perhaps explaining something but she, evidently still angry, will not look at him. But something he says causes her to tilt her head – just a quick movement; her head sort of leaning to one side.

The boy immediately spots this and trots in front of her, looking up like a sad dog, making circular gestures with his hands and chattering all the time.

That movement of her head gave everything away – he’s half-way there, she’ll give in very soon now.

The Strand

There was a woman who, at around 5.00pm every afternoon, made her way along The Strand in London. She called in every shop, store, and café, and would clap her hands and call out - ‘We are closing now, please leave the premises, thank you!’

She was a nuisance and sometimes the police were called, but after a week or so, she would be back. I remember her clearly (I used to help in a shop) – she had the neglected appearance of many who are subservient to strong obsessions. She was impressive - like an inspired artist or actress, breathing the pure air of truth – and then ejected onto the pavement – like an unwanted pest - confused and inhaling the petrol fumes of the slow traffic.

Errand

The boy was told by his mother to go to a certain house to collect something. He asked what it was and she replied – ‘Don’t ask what it is, just knock on the door and say who you are - say you are my son and it will be given to you.’

‘Is it valuable?’ – he asked.

His mother replied – ‘It is very valuable and you must be careful with it.’

‘Do I have to go now?’ – he asked.

‘Yes…now’

He set off running through the streets and across the fields. He grew to love the sunsets and the noises of night creatures.

Sometimes, in the dark, he would think of his mother - waiting.

Insecurity on the 09.17 (stopping) Train

The last time I saw this man he was using his phone and telling someone he was about to get married; that was about two months ago. I didn’t get the full story of course, but it was clear what was happening, and he was telling a friend all about it. He looked very happy, but happy in the way that unhappy people often do, something tells you that this is not their normal mood. His face is eloquent in expressing sadness.

Anyway, that was a while back, and now he is presumably a settled, married man, but I am trying to catch his thoughts as he looks, unseeingly, at the passing fields and warehouses.

‘She likes good-looking men with Jags. She likes men who can dominate the table at dinner-parties. She likes men who can read a balance sheet at a glance, understanding financial statements and the stock movements. Men who like to stand with other men, glasses in hand – in fact they look odd without glasses in their hands – men who don’t look quite right in suits - men who have thick wrists and thick legs, like rugby players – men who never read a book from one year to the next and who know nothing about art, and don’t wish to.’

I see these thoughts, or similar thoughts travel across his eyes, and then he fumbles in a side pocket and takes out a purse. He squeezes two fingers inside, presumable looking for a ticket, or money, and even though his face is turned away the final reading comes across loud and clear.

‘And what the hell is she doing with me?'

My Town…(Russell’s sister and the knife-thrower)

Russell’s sister was the first person to inspire me with ambition. She was fourteen, two years older than me, but I dreamed of the two of us going away together and living lives of bliss; this was despite her never having spoken to me, or even looked at me with anything other than indifference – but my success would change all that.

My path to wealth and happiness was perfecting my skill as a knife-thrower. I used to practice in my back garden, setting up an old door as the target and using kitchen knives. Having no one to tutor me in this art, I had to learn from mistakes. When you hold a knife by the tip of the blade and throw it, it rotates as it heads for the target. Only about 10% of the final rotation will achieve a satisfactory hit, in the other 90%, the knife clatters against the target and falls to the ground. The skill is being able to calculate the distance from the target where the 10% is certain – and you do this by working from the shortest, say 3 metres, and then increase the distance by multiples. You quickly become good at assessing distances in multiples of 3 metres.

The other technique is ‘under-arm’ throwing. You cup the handle and launch it with a sharp upward swing, as if you were in a bowling alley. The knife does not rotate, so it is easier to correctly contact the target but it is difficult to develop an effective force – the throws tend to be weak and sloppy.

My plan for wealth and fame consisted of joining a travelling circus. She would be my assistant. The audience would gasp at her beauty as she flounced and posed in her sequined costume, tossing back her long hair and showing off her legs. They would also gasp as my cluster of knives formed her outline – each one nearer to her body – and then a drumroll when the final ones thudded into the board.

There would be deafening applause, flowers were showering down on us – show-biz managers in bow-ties thrust contracts at me to sign – my parents were weepy-eyed on the front row – my pals from school (including the geography teacher) were on their feet cheering – lights were flashing – bottles of champagne popped - the clowns came on throwing buckets of water over each other – the circus manager in scarlet coat and top hat – the band giving it all they had – balloons banging but all I could see was Russell’s sister smiling at me in adoration.

My Town……Russell’s Sister

Russell viewed his elder sister in the same stoical way that twelve-year-old boys face up to the various miseries that buffet their lives. She was in the category of a double geography lesson on a Friday afternoon, or the misfortune of a broken wrist – ruling out swimming for several weeks. She was a trial to be endured – something that the scoutmaster might call ‘character developing’ - rather like a ‘testing from heaven’, as described in the book of saints, presented to him for faultless punctuality at Sunday School.

But I was very alert to the floating charms of his sister – although she never gave me a second glance. She would pass through the living room with speed and style, like a film-star fretting her appearance. She was always cross about something, or it seemed so to me. Her life seemed one long vexation. I remember the odd stillness in the room after she had gone – the room itself seemed to sigh. Russell would be silent as if a migraine had lifted. Somewhere at the back of the house I could hear the chime of her voice and then a door slammed.

Nonchalantly, as if the view of the garden actually interested me, I sauntered across to the window…no-one on the path… no one moving at the sides of the house…there was no other way to leave, not if you wanted to go down to the main road. And then there was a noise of wheels on loose chippings and she came past on her bicycle, frowning and peddling hard…

I watched her all the way down the path and she did a skid-stop at the junction - she swung the bike round sending up a cloud of pebbles. It was the best skid-stop i had ever seen.

Russell and the Trombone

Russell’s parents spent a lot of money on his musical education. By the age of thirteen he played the piano, all the recorders, clarinet, cornet and from what I could see, all the other brass instruments. He won prizes and went through the grades, so presumably, his parents were pleased.

But it didn’t seem to matter to Russell himself. He hardly ever talked about his lessons and found requests to play, mostly from school, a bit of a bore. One day, when I was at his house he showed me a trombone – all highly polished and snug in a velvet lined case.

He blew a few notes and then said - ‘This is PC Dicks-on’. ‘PC Dicks – on’ was our name for a retired pervy policeman who lived nearby. He had tried it on with both of us; and no doubt with every boy in a two-mile radius.

So Russell played an impression of the pervy policeman. A humpty-dumpty walk and a long drawn out ‘hello!’. And then a really creepy sliding note catching the awful pressure of his baleful gaze.

And there I was, in Russell’s front room, falling about with laughter and understanding music for the very first time.

Stella

Our birthdays were in the same week, so there was a little celebration in the classroom for both of us together. We were seven years old.

Stella was different from the other (bossy) girls - she was quiet, withdrawn, shying away from any sort of attention - as if the only thing she hoped from life was to be left alone. If I search through files I’m sure I have a photograph of her – a class photo – and she’s at the front with her waxy hair and ugly National Health glasses – squinting in the sunshine. She lived in a very poor part of town, just a few streets from where I lived, but the houses had no bathrooms, no lavatories (there was a row of sheds in the yard which were emptied by council workers). She seemed to have no friends, and she had no dad.

It was summer and Stella had been away from school for a few days. I found out that she was ill after having dental treatment at the ‘school clinic’. This was a building of great terror to all of us. It was right next to the parish church and sometimes, in summer when the windows were open, you could hear the screams of children inside – all dentistry was carried out without any form of anaesthetic.

And then I saw her in the street. I invited her to come to my house and she nodded. All the way she walked behind me and I had to keep turning to see if she was still there. As we got to the house I went to her and held her hand.

My mother, no doubt surprised, was very gracious to Stella - she made small talk but was okay at not getting any response and she brought some drinks and cakes into the front room for us. We watched TV, not speaking and not needing to.

My Town

Stanley came home from the war with an twisted right foot and a scrambled mind. The local authority gave him a stiff-bristled brush and instructed him to sweep the pavements. His allotted area was a two mile stretch of Ainsworth Road (both sides).

One of the effects of his war experiences was that he would have fits of violent convulsions. His eyes would bulge and he would swing his brush over his head, as if fighting off a swarm of birds. People would cross the road - sometimes he would fall down, and for a few minutes be furiously punching an invisible opponent.

Of course, as children, on our way to and from school, this was very amusing. I must have felt a twinge of conscience when, a few years later, I saw Stanley in the street. He was wearing a suit and no longer carrying his brush. I asked him about his fits and he said that he now ‘took pills’. I also asked him did he know what the convulsions were all about. He replied that when the attacks came he was fighting the Germans - he was defending the town from invasion.

He was defending my town and we had laughed at him and no one had helped him.

Unsolicited advice!

I was quite young and I was staring at a very beautiful woman – I couldn’t stop looking. Occasionally she would move her head sideways and look back at me; she could feel the heat of my eyes – but each time she did so, I quickly looked away. And then, to my shock, she came over and spoke to me.

‘Don’t ever stop staring – you must never stop staring – because if you do you will lose the force of your life.’

On the Train

She has a bad cough. A girl, Asian, Pakistani probably, and she has a loud racking cough. It is a ‘keep-everyone-in-the-house-awake-all-night’ type of cough. She looks very tired and probably spent the night biting onto paper tissues with tears of frustration running across her face. The cough will not be placated.

Worst of all is the lack of sympathy on the faces of the people in the carriage. With each spasm they all look up in disapproving surprise, as if the coughing was unreasonable, an insult, an intrusion into their lives. The girl, who is about seventeen, is upset.

But a young man sitting next to her (the carriage is full) is different. They aren’t together, I can tell that, but he seems to have a concerned interest, like the best kind of doctor. Perhaps he is a doctor and wants to help her, or perhaps he would like to lean slightly to his left and kiss the top of her head.

Applicant

He said: - ‘Please accept me into your community.’

The Voice said: - ‘Why do you wish to be part of our community?’.

He said: - ‘Because I am sick of the world and all its troubles.’

The Voice said: - ‘But we in the community love the world.’

He said: - ‘So there is no escape for me?'

The Voice said: - ‘No, and there never will be.’

The Night Train

The story cries out to be told...how they had met - how he had loved her sad eyes and white skin; every inch of her white skin! Their love was important; it cannot be discarded.

It was a lifetime ago, and the last train has gone. His mood changes, he looks away and decides to keep the past to himself.

Leftovers

We all keep things that once belonged to someone special. Something that they used, perhaps something that they were fond of. It might be our way of holding onto them – after all, a physical object brings the past into the present. It might be something that a child made in class, a simple item of needlework – or a boy’s doorlatch. They give us a feeling of continuity – the link hasn’t been broken – we are still ‘in touch’.

But what about a book – his words – his laughter – his anxiety! Or his paintings? He may have gone, but his way of enquiring, his way of looking – is hanging on the wall, or on the shelf, and it breaks your heart.

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