#my lack of motivation will kill me someday

[mudcasper]

For all Cypher’s worth, he’s probably rich af. Like no joke, this man is LOAADED. Probably second richest to Chamber (and Chamber must have acknowledged it, and they go on to compete with one another to see how much they would invest and win). He did grow up poor so he probably have saved a lot of money back then and work really hard by doing.. AHEM AHEM, legal marketing 😀👍 his bank has far exceed from a million bucks already. He never spends it on himself however but when he married Nora, he wanted to spend it all on her. Yet the humble and kind queen always refuses so he never persisted although HE wish he does (he wishes he could have spent it all on her)

After her death, he never used the money at all and rarely have ever taken something out of it, he created multiple bank accounts just so he couldn’t use it until he joined Valorant. Sova came in being all pretty doe-eyed gorgeous perfect specimen of a man. He reminded him of Nora and suddenly he has the urge to splurge his money on him

After or maybe before they dated, he wanted to spend some money on him except Sova is also a humble and kind queen and Cypher wanted to gauge his eyeballs out. So what he did is like leave some expensive gifts lying around for him to spot and accept without him noticing it was from him, like tiny little trinkets to golden bracelets JUST SO he can accept 😭

[luchibelle-throughthecosmere]

W&T

REVIEW WITH SPOILERS

Kal.- Such a beatiful journey for my boy. Ever since leaving his hometown he unwittingly became a legend. Only a few actually got to see the mortal (Kaladin) behind that inmortal mask of determination (Stormblessed). His journey resounds in so many of us because beyond his inhuman abbilities he is a human just like us. The ultimate protector. The last remnant of Honor. Kaladin. Herald. Herald of Kings. Herald of the Wind. Herald of Second Chances.

Shallan.- Always wanted her to be a worldhopper but couldn't really see how that might happen once she married Adolin. Now she is trapped in Shadesmar among other worldhoppers. Yay. Also, she got on well with Thaidakar (whose motivations and needs don't disturbe Shallan's unlike Mraize and Iyatil's did). And- CHARANACH IS HER MOM.

Taln did NOT break. Ever. It was Shallan who triggered it all (poor thing has no fault really). Love the fact that Taln never broke, it always felt wrong. Reminds me of Dabbid a little -although his lack of words is trully caused by trauma not pretended-. Gotta make him tells us why he tried to kill Cultivation.

Jasnah.- Never liked her morality. It always felt wrong. Never liked her character because of it. That night at Karbranth, the assassins she hired, considering the extermination of the singers, stabbing a highprince... And then Brandon used the reverse card and actually confronted her about her actions and intentions. That is exactly what she needed. She will grow so much in the coming books! We still don't know why exactly she was confined as a kid but she kind of hinted that her mother was not okay with it, rescued her as soon as she got back from her travels. Hopefully, she will be the one to take Navani out of her self-induced coma.

Lift will finally let herself grow up and Vasher will help her about it! Will Cultivation's absence affect her powers? Since she never used Stormlight (or Towerlight) creating Lifelight out of food instead, will anything change for her now that Cultivation flee? Maybe Lift's presence lures her back to Roshar someday.

Sezth.- Never liked the idea of him becoming an Herald, even if it thematically worked since he won Jezrien's Shardblade. Glad how it turned out, he deserves a quiet life with the sheeps. Also, him being a Skybreaker finally clicked for me, it was about gainning agency and deciding for yourself. And we got to learn Aux's backstory as well!

Adolin not becoming a surgebinder was perfect. After how disappointing Wayne holding up a gun was, it was refreshing how Adolin stood by his decision not to become a Radiant. Really beautiful to see how despite the unoathed not being broken they can form an attachment to the spren. Now he is learning how to read which is fulfilling in itself, just like he was okay with women holding weapons he needs to be okay with men reading. Times are changing and they have to change as well, otherwise they will be left behind. Change can be good, both Lift and Adolin got to learn that finally.

Dalinar.- He understood Honor but didn't fit in. There was always something about him becoming the vessel of Honor that didn't work out for me. Now we have another vessel having trouble with the two Shards and their conflicting interests. Wished we could have seen a little bit more of what it meant to be the Stormfather's Bondsmith, now we will never get a chance unless we get new flashbacks. Syl, as the Ancient Daughter, is currently the oldest honorspren we have. Will she eventually take his place? The storm in her eyes... Also, really liked how Dalinar didn't have to fight Gav and found the answers where he always did, in Nohadon's pressence.

Rlain and Renarin paralleling Windrunner Garith and the Regal femalen singer was genius. Proof that both races can coexist and any conflict between them is each individual's fault, not the race they belong to. Both of them grow up a lot in this book and grow away from what their people want them to be, they become who THEY want to be. Agency. Individuality. Self-worth.

[cosmicjoke]

Hello :)

I’ve seen you write essay-like long posts about Attack on Titan and analyzing this complex story in depth, which I love. For me personally, it’s been a long while since I watched it and I currently don’t have the time to rewatch it. But I think it’s a story that has to be experienced at least twice to fully understand it, because the story isn’t told linearly and having certain things in mind while watching earlier scenes reframes everything.

Someday I’m gonna do just that. But until I can, I’m going to rely on your takes and my fuzzy memory of the events to feed my hunger for “food for thought”. Even though it’s been so long, I still can’t stop thinking about the story, as there’s just so much to unpack. With that in mind, could you (only if you have the time and the willingness to do so, of course) give your detailed opinion on as to WHY Eren felt like he had to do the horrible things he did?

It’s obvious, especially from the last conversation he had with Armin in the anime, that he does KNOW that what he did was morally wrong. So why then, did he still do it? That’s what I can’t wrap my head around. The reasons for his actions.

Like, even if it was due to his innate, selfish desire for freedom, it’s still obvious that he knew it would lead to his death. He had the power to stop the remaining scouts from killing him, he could have used his titan powers to stop them, but he didn’t. In that conversation scene with Armin, it seemed like he knew his own death was inevitable. So why didn’t he prevent that? What was the point of flattening the earth for his idea of freedom if he doesn’t stick around to see the results of his actions? Was it actually his plan to rid the world of the titans? I discussed his with a friend who said Eren did everything because “it was the only outcome he saw among all the possible outcomes that would get rid of the titan powers — because only in a world without titan powers can the Eldian people actually be free.”

But Eren did so many things that were detrimental to the Eldians, individual and as a whole, like in the raid on Liberio, where he not only killed innocent Eldians, but also made the world actively hate Paradis, that it seems to me he didn’t actually do it for the sake of the Eldians

(Though my friend would argue that Eren saw every possible future and there simply isn’t a future where his goal is achieved without hurting at least some Eldians. And that his version, while hurting some, still hurt the least of them. But that just doesn’t sit right with me.) But again, if he actually did do it for selfish reasons, which is what I’m leaning towards, then why would he be alright with dying, aka giving up on his self? Trying to understand that dude just frustrates me, so I thought maybe you could shed some light on this with your theories on him.

(I’m on anon to help keep toxic Eren fanatics off my back and I don’t have the balls to deal with them, lol.)

Hi there, and thank you for the ask!

I've talked a lot about Eren and his motivations on my blog, which you can probably find if you just search his name on my blog. But I'll give it my best shot answering here as well.

First off, I'll just say that the way you're leaning is the right way. Eren didn't do what he did for anyone but himself, and that's sort of the point of his entire character. The theme of dreams and needing to be able to let go of them is a pronounced one in AoT, and Eren, in the end, is the purest example of someone who wasn't able to do so, and that ties into his lack of maturity. He never progresses past his childish whims or desires. He never grows up. That's why we see him appear as a child during the Rumbling. Because that's who he really is and who's he's always been. The Rumbling itself is a manifestation of Eren's truest nature and desires.

Second, your friend is wrong about the "possible futures" Eren sees. Eren doesn't see multiple futures. He only sees one future, which is the only future. People don't get how time works in AoT, which is understandable. Anytime you're dealing with time travel, it gets confusing. I didn't get it at first myself. But basically, the only reason Eren sees the future he does is because it's the only future there is. If there was some other possibility, some other course he took, he wouldn't have seen the future he did at all. It only exists because he literally willed it into being. We see this through the course of Eren's actions in manipulating past events, once he gains control of the Founding Titan's powers. He literally manipulates events to ensure he'll end up with the power to commit the Rumbling. The way he manipulates Grisha into killing Frieda and taking her power, the way he redirects Dina's Titan away from Bertolt to eat Eren's own mother, setting off the events which will lead to him gaining the power to wipe out humanity. Eren very literally orchestrates the events which lead to the future he saw. So there are no multiple or possible futures for Eren to "choose from". There's just the one, and the one future he sees exists because what he does is what he was always going to do.

The point of us being shown the equally devastating results for the Eldian's as the rest of humanity is to drive home that what Eren is doing isn't to save the Eldian people at all, or even his friends. He's willing to murder the entire population of Eldian's outside of the Walls, which no doubt outnumbers the number of the island. He doesn't care. Sasha dying, Hange dying, Levi almost dying, etc... all of that is meant to drive home this point. Eren isn't doing it for them, or for anyone, other than himself. As he confesses to Ramzi, and then later to Armin, he "had to do it" because he "wanted to do it". He says to Ramzi, when he finds out that humanity existed beyond the Walls, that he was "so disappointed". He confesses this to him while sobbing, because what Eren is confessing here is that he wanted to destroy humanity beyond the walls to make it match his childish vision of what the world should have looked like beyond the Walls. He wanted it to look like the images in Armin's book, a vast, unexplored, untouched wilderness, just for him. And when he discovered humanity existed beyond the walls, it shattered that vision for him.

To answer your specific question about why Eren didn't stop his friends from stopping him, it comes down to Eren attempting to cope with his own monstrosity. Throughout the lead up to Eren's actions, and even during, Eren tries to cope with his own, monstrous nature by telling both himself and others that he's doing it "for them". He lies. He's lying to the rest of the 104th when he tells them, before they leave for Marley, that he just wants to protect all of them. He was already planning on betraying all of them. He was already working with Floch at that point, in coordination with Yelena and Zeke. He'd already told Historia his real plans, to betray Zeke and enact a full scale Rumbling, this fully 9 months before they ever left for Marley. The Scouts success or failure to negotiate with Marley had nothing to do with Eren's decision. He'd already decided what he was going to do before they ever set foot there. Eren's depression as he's walking around Marley and thinking to himself that none of these people are his enemy, his realization that all of these people are innocent, is because, confronted with that reality, he's no longer able to hide behind the excuse of protecting his friends or the island from an impending threat. He realizes, in that moment, that the future he sees, that him unleashing a full scale Rumbling, is purely the result of his own, selfish desire. Which, again, is to create the world he saw in Armin's book, his own, personal idea of freedom. We see Eren continue to drink the copium though, even after this point. For example, when he grabs Hange through the bars of his cell and screams at her that he saw no other choice because of her supposed failure to come up with a real solution. Pure deception, both of Hange and himself. Eren never even gave Hange's plan to negotiate a chance. He disappeared and kicked off his plans with Zeke before anyone from the Scouts had a chance to even attempt negotiations. And this, too, is why Eren doesn't attempt to stop the Alliance from stopping him. It's a giant cope. Eren tells himself and them that he's not going to stop them because freedom is the most important thing to him, and that he loves and cares about all of them too much to impede on their freedom of choice. Again, this is a lie on Eren's part. He's already impeded on their freedom, multiple times, particularly in his forcing them to rescue him from Liberio and backing them into a corner, taking away their choice, by forcing them to accept his and Zeke's plan and forcing them into a conflict which they'd all expressed a desire to and were attempting to avoid. He tries to tell Historia that he's doing it for her, too, that he's just safeguarding her freedom, while in the same breath, disregarding Historia's already stated decision to inherit Zeke's Beast Titan.

The truth is, Eren doesn't care about anybody else's freedom but his own. Again and again, he impedes on and takes away the freedom of others, including his closest friends, all in service to realizing his own, personal sense of freedom. He tells them that he isn't stopping them from fighting him because he respects their freedom, but again, this is just a giant cope on Eren's part. He allows them to come after him because its his way of coping with his sense of guilt and self-loathing. The same way he continues to lie, up to the very end, when he tells all the members of the Alliance (except Levi, who I've posited Eren doesn't speak to at all), that he did what he did to "make them all into heroes". Another, giant cope. A lie he fabricates because he can't deal with any of them knowing the truth. He tells all of them this, but it's only Armin whom he confesses the truth to. He can't lie to his best friend, and that's why we see Eren tell Armin that he knew, from his vision of the future, that he would fail to wipe out all of humanity, and that because of it, he would only imperil his friends and the island further, because naturally, the world would want revenge for Eren's actions, and yet he still went through with it. Why? If he really cared so much about his friends or the rest of the Eldian people, why would he continue to go through with a plan that he knew would end up only endangering them further, would only continue the cycle of hate and war? Because, again, Eren never actually cared about any of that. All he cared about was experiencing his own, personal sense of freedom. He was so driven, and so compelled toward it, that even knowing he would fail, he couldn't help himself. Eren doesn't find out he's going to fail until Ymir lends him her power. He finds out he fails to wipe out all of humanity in that moment, and yet he pushes on in his actions. He could have stopped right then and there, before a single Wall Titan was unleashed, but he continues on. Again, because Eren is compelled by his very own, restless nature, to do what he did.

Eren is bored. That's what it boils down to. The scene near the beginning of the story, when we see Eren sitting, staring up at the sky, and he says "I wish something would happen"? That right there encapsulates the entirety of why Eren does what he does. He's doomed to be perpetually unsatisfied and bored with his existence. He had a good and happy life, and it wasn't enough. And wiping out all of humanity wouldn't have been enough, either. He convinced himself it would quench his thirst for freedom, but the reality for Eren is, nothing was ever going to achieve that for him. Again, his very nature renders it impossible. He's always dissatisfied, and always "wants something to happen". It's why he kills Mikasa's kidnappers. It's not because Eren cared about saving Mikasa (he didn't even know her at that point), it's because he wanted something to happen. Because he was bored. Eren could have easily listened to his father and waited for the proper authorities to come. The same way he could have allowed the Survey Corps to actually attempt negotiations before deciding he just "had to" enact the Rumbling, or he could have gone with Zeke's plan of a limited Rumbling. Again, it's not what Eren wanted, though, in either case. He wanted destruction, he wanted chaos, he wanted something to happen to disrupt and tear apart his mundane existence.

The shot of Eren standing atop his massive Attack Titan, near the end, with his arms spread wide and a look of pure elation on his face as he says "Freedom!", that's Eren getting to experience what he aimed to. The world is crushed and left desolated beneath him. Remember, Eren destroys 80% of the world's population, and that's enough for Eren to feel he's achieved what he set out to. To experience a desolate world free of humanity. But again, this is Eren coping. He's trying to immerse himself in the feeling of "freedom" as a way to distract himself from the horror and nightmare below. He finally feels what it's like to be in a world that looks like the pictures in Armin's book, but it's still not enough. It's never going to be enough. Eren realizes this. He gets to feel what it's like to be "totally free" from the expectations and demands of others, and yet he's still dissatisfied. It doesn't quell the restless dissatisfaction that defines Eren's core.

This leads into your last question, about why Eren doesn't stop the Alliance from killing him, so he can experience the results of his actions. Eren is already going to die. He knows his time is short, that he only has a few more years left to live at this point. Eren is compelled forward to enact the Rumbling, regardless of this, because again, he can't help himself. He's totally driven by his own desires. Again, up to the point Ymir lends him her power, Eren thinks he's going to succeed in destroying all of humanity. Upon realizing he won't, that his friends and comrades are going to stop him, he still feels that same drive and desire to go through with his plan anyway, again, because it's what he wants, it's the only thing he really wants, and nothing is going to stop him from trying to take it, even as he knows he won't succeed.

Eren loves his friends. He cares about them. He doesn't want to hurt them or endanger them. But as we see from his childhood on, Eren is someone who's always going to put his own desires above their well being. It's why we see him constantly getting into fights as a child, despite the burden it places on Mikasa, despite his mother asking him to stop. He forces Mikasa to chase after him and place herself into situations she doesn't want for herself, and Eren enacting the Rumbling and forcing the Alliance to chase after him is the exact same scenario, only writ large. He's forcing his friends to chase after him and try and stop him from causing trouble. Again, though, at the same time, Eren doesn't want to actually hurt them. He's so guilt ridden over Sasha and Hange because he knows his actions led to their deaths, and he never wanted that. But as ever, he couldn't help himself. He couldn't keep himself from putting his own desires over their well being. Again, Eren lets his friends come after him as a way to cope with the crushing guilt of his own, monstrous nature and actions. He doesn't stop them because it's his only way to sooth his inner turmoil, to tell himself he allowed them their freedom of choice.

But once again, the inherent contradiction in that is that Eren already took away their freedom of choice, and still continues to here, by forcing them into a situation not of their own choosing. He forces all of them to fight him to the death, despite having considered him a friend and comrade. He forces Mikasa to have to kill him, which goes against everything Mikasa herself ever truly wanted. He forces them all into a position of having to kill their own, former comrades who have become Yeagerists, something he specifically mentions to Armin at the end. He's still taking away their freedom, but he deludes himself into thinking otherwise by letting them come after him at all. He's able to do this because he still succeeds in achieving that supposed feeling of freedom he set out to gain. He's still able to experience "Freedom!", as he says, without stopping them. But all one has to do is look at Eren's actions before this, in the lead up to the Rumbling, to know that, had his friends and comrades actually threatened his ability in any way to get to this end point, he would have acted in whatever ways necessary to stop them. It's the reason he doesn't tell anyone about the vision of the future he had. Because he knows if he did, they would stop him. And if he had been willing to tell anyone of his vision, he would have seen a completely different vision, anyway. He would have seen a future in which his friends stop him from enacting the Rumbling at all. It's why he lies and distances himself from everybody. It's why he forces them into a conflict they'd all been trying so hard to avoid. It's why he makes Grisha kill Frieda and the entire Reiss family. It's why he kills his own mother. It's why he's able to accept Sasha dying, and Hange dying, and Levi almost dying. It's all in service to him gaining the power to enact the Rumbling, to make sure events unfold in the exact way he needs them to to get to that end point. He would have been willing to kill anyone to gain that power, the same way he was willing to kill all of humanity just to experience what he deluded himself into believing was true freedom. Once he has that power, he's able to enact his plan, and everything after that doesn't matter. His friends and comrades can come after him. They can do whatever they want. Because Eren already got what he wanted. He's already getting to live out his own desires, and once more, he's able to assuage his guilt by telling himself that he's allowing his friends the freedom to try and stop him.

Anyway, I hope this helps answer at least some of your questions. The only way to understand Eren's actions is to accept his selfish, childish nature, and how he was always going to do what he did, not because it was inevitable or because he had no other choice, but because it was what he wanted to do. Nothing was ever going to stop him from doing what he wanted.

[chiarrara]

'can't do anything' disorder log, day 11,101:

can't focus on watching figure skating competition. keep pausing to scroll aimlessly on my phone, or compulsively respond to strangers comments on a youtube video

ate once hours ago. teeth have really been acting up the last few days, hurt all the time. I have headaches every day. maybe someday I will go to a dentist.

noticed growth in the potential set of tumors on my breast. don't know if they're actually tumors. last time I went to a doctor he made me cry because he wouldn't examine my broken knee because it happened almost two years ago but I didn't make my follow up appointment back then because I fell into a fugue state after my psych randomly retired so i lost access to medication for 'can't do anything' disorder which caused my entire life to blow up in a really messy public way, which caused me to lose my job and my insurance, and put me in serious legal trouble! which I'm still currently in.

he said the "insurance wouldn't pay for an mri" anymore since i broke it so long ago. i still don't exactly know what broke. he also wouldn't refill my adhd medication because I said I smoked weed occasionally. I stopped smoking for 6 weeks but my appointment got cancelled when i went back because 'cant do anything' disorder made me 10 minutes late. I didn't go to any of the referrals he made because the emotional trauma kept me from motivating myself over the barriers in the way of me ever leaving the house. also, I never got the referral for the growths on my skin. that are growing.

started spotting again because I'm 5 months overdue on getting my iud removed and replaced. the memory of the unmedicated pain i was in getting it put in 7 years ago is the barrier keeping me from overcoming all the other barriers this time. If I start having my period again, I'm afraid I'm gonna start experiencing serious dysphoria. also my cramps used to be pretty debilitating.

i barely shower. my hair is unmanageable due to a few really bad improvised haircuts and the fact that I'm laying down nearly 100% of the time. i can't do basic chores. the house is a mess like always, and has a million expensive problems going unresolved. my dad has just as many problems as me so they're not getting fixed very quickly. but he did get the roof repaired finally, after two years of it leaking water into my room, causing allergenic mold to grow in the walls. I can't sleep in there anymore, and everywhere else is full of junk. I sleep on the couch. It's not doing good things for my hips and back.

Living here instead of sleeping on the floor in the living room of my sister's one bedroom apartment and hiding from maintenance everytime they come in because that building's roof is also leaking and keeps spilling buckets of water all over her stuff everytime it rains means I get to be with my cat though, and that makes me really happy. my relationship with my sister is very much on the rocks now though.

my personality sucks, I'm angry all the time, I'm realizing my lack of control over myself and constantly being in a reactive state (that's gotten much worse over the years) has ruined almost every single relationship I have, and like actually traumatized people who loved me. I don't know how to stop. therapy scares me, I used to do it a lot but it's so fucking flawed and last time I went to try a new person it put me in such a panic I didn't go back. I don't know how to get better. Every path seems too hard and I have gotten to a point where I don't believe in myself enough to try literally anything, so I'm rotting away on my dad's couch, doing nothing but being a drain on finances and making everyone's lives around me worse.

I know (finally) that if I actually manage to kill myself (this time) it wouldn't actually make anyone's lives better, they would all be traumatized instead and like even if it did provide relief to some extent it wouldn't outweigh the pain. but being alive and useless and mean and spiteful also isn't like a postive force, so. I guess I have to figure out how to stop sucking and figure out how to do something. to be a positive force in the lives of the people I love? that's way more challenging than fantasizing about killing myself though. probably way more rewarding too.

i hope i figure it out.

[ellie-you-idiot]

Me: *thinks of an idea for a fic*

Me: damn someone should write that. not me tho. but someone.

[elemental-fluffbutts]

So I found out recently from a friend that Leafeon and Glaceon were not revealed before gen 4′s release. If we get new ones this gen, I bet that’s what they’ll do again. I mean, I sort of hope not because I’d like to get new ones sooner but in the end, as long as we actually get new Eeveelutions, I’ll be happy

I just don’t know if I can handle that wait! At least the games’ release is less than 2 months now. November will be here before I know it. But man, why can’t they just give us the goods now!

[slashertalks]

time to talk about the only vampire movie where I sympathize more with the humans than the vampires.

Jeez, it’s been a while. I have to admit, I’ve been struggling with motivation to write since starting a full time job. All my creative projects have suffered, but especially this one. I think it’s fitting that I make my return to these reviews with a vampire movie.

I’ve discussed Daybreakers, a sore disappointment, and used it to broadly cover many films in a discussion of the relation between gayness and vampirism— beyond that, this blog has been sorely lacking in vampire films. The problem is, I don’t feel like I have a lot to add to the discussion of my favorites: The Lost Boys and Near Dark (they’re both great, go watch them). Someday I really will write that defense of the second Lost Boys movie, but today is not that day. No, today I’m writing about The Forsaken.

The Forsaken is a 2001 vampire flick starring two actors from Final Destination (Carter and Tod’s brother respectively), and it is one of my favorite pieces of vampire media of all time. It follows Sean and Nick as they travel through Texas, being chased by an ancient vampire hell bent on killing a girl they’d picked up on the way. That’s as much detail as I can give you without getting into spoiler territory, but if you feel like watching an early 2000s vampire film that shares similarities with both Near Dark and Ginger Snaps 2, I highly recommend checking it out. If you don’t care or have already seen it, I’m about to break down why this movie does what no other vampire film has: made me care about the humans.

Now, some are better at this than others: I like Michael and Sam both in The Lost Boys, but I like the vampires more. Some are worse; I would’ve payed good money for Severen to kill Caleb in the beginning of Near Dark and just had the rest of the movie follow the vamps’ travels. I use these two films specifically because they share a few core similarities with The Forsaken: the vampires are a family, and vampirism can be cured. What sets the Forsaken apart specifically in terms of its human leads is that, for one, they’re never directly taken in by the vampires. Nick was bitten by a completely different vampire before the film even began, and Sean was bitten accidentally by Megan (the half-turned girl they pick up while on the road).

Interestingly, however, we still have a similar dynamic through Sean and Nick. Instead of the clueless young man being swept up into the seductive, wild world of a gang of vampires, it’s a man getting unwillingly pulled into the fucked up world of a hunter trying desperately to stave off his own turn. That’s another thing The Forsaken does extremely well (and uniquely): the lore for its vamps.

Vampirism is a blood disease, full stop. While working on treatments for HIV, a doctor who’d been bitten discovered some of the medication they were developing slowed down the process of turning (which takes about a week without the drugs). Vampirism is also “telegenetic;” once you’re bitten, you and your sire have a psychic bond— until you start taking the drugs, since Nick has no link to his sire and Megan’s link is severed when the drugs kick in. Vampires themselves are even more powerful: while they can be killed by the sun, beyond that they can only be killed by beheading. Even then, it can only be on hallow ground (though the sun can kill them anywhere)— so even if you get lucky enough and have an opening to saw that vamp’s head off, you better hope you’re standing in a church or a graveyard.

There are other little details I like, which seem to be natural extensions of the vampire lore established in Near Dark. For example, snake venom is like a drug for these vampires. It also gets creative with what it counts as a decapitation— like a point-blank shotgun blast to the face. Point being, the vampires in this movie are cool, dark and sexy and stylish with just the right touch of humor at times, that sick, twisted sense of humor that shines when they’re in the middle of slaughtering people. They’re got everything I want to see in vampires! So what is it about them?

As I touched on above, we’re never swept up into the fold of these vampires— we get brief glimpses of their dynamic, but it’s not the intimate invitation that The Lost Boys and Near Dark provide. It works in the movie’s favor (and the Lost Boys sequel portrays its vampires similarly), allowing the vampires to remain mysterious and intimidating through the entire runtime. Nick fills the role that Near Dark and The Lost Boys’ vampires play instead. Sean picks him up at the mechanic’s after having his car repaired, this hitchhiker about his age that he quickly bonds with— only for them to stumble across a terrified, feverish Megan. Suddenly, Sean is bitten and he’s caught up in Nick’s world of blood diseases and drugs, violence and monsters.

And the even more unique thing? Sean chooses to stay in that world. Where Michael stays with Star and helps kill the Boys, where Caleb kills the others and cures Mae with a blood transfusion, Sean says his goodbyes to Megan, goes to his sister’s wedding, and then spends three months tracking Nick down just so he can help him hunt down the vampire who bit him and hopefully turn him back human.

When Sean finds Nick, Nick tells him he doesn’t have to do this, his disease having clearly gotten worse— Sean responds that yeah, yeah he does. It’s as much an acknowledgement that what Nick’s doing is dangerous as it is that he may very well not last much longer. At least, not as a human.

So much of the joy I get from these films is the idea of family. Family that will love you to the bloody, bitter end. Family bound by more than blood, family that will never abandon you because you chose each other, both the beautiful and the monstrous. As an LGBT person, that’s an extremely attractive idea. To never have to worry about being rejected for who I am, or about losing my loved ones to sickness or time, or the violence of others. To be a vampire is to be truly safe, to be surrounded by those just like me, to fear nothing.

Similarly to Ginger Snaps 2, where lycanthropy is portrayed as a disease which can be staved off but not totally cured (and lycanthropy in relation to the trans experience is an essay for another time), the sort of vampirism presented by The Forsaken is mostly undesirable. It’s an interesting dichotomy. Without its rude intrusion, Sean and Nick would’ve gone their separate ways in Houston and Sean would’ve lived his life blissfully unaware (of vampires, and of any potential feelings for Nick). However, he’s now facing the cruel reality that Nick is getting sicker as the drugs lose their effectiveness— they may end the movie close to the vampire responsible for Nick’s sickness, but there’s no telling whether they’ll actually succeed in killing him before the turn takes hold.

In Ginger Snaps, lycanthropy is an undeniably negative ailment. Vampirism, even in The Forsaken? not so much. Unfortunately, there’s no sequel exploring Sean and Nick’s stories further. We can only speculate on what happens. Do they succeed? Hunting down and killing the vampire and curing Nick (and after, do they continue hunting, helping others who have been bitten along the way or simply settle down somewhere isolated?). Or, instead, do their best efforts fail? The vampire eludes them, just that much faster, and Nick finally turns as the drugs stop working completely. (and what significance does Sean’s “yeah, I do” take on then? Will he kill Nick now that he can’t turn back, or does he ask Nick to bite him too? How far would he be willing to go?)

For once, I can’t say which ending I prefer for them.

Now, is The Forsaken an instant classic? No. It has its weak moments and certainly isn’t very high budget (which shows, at times), but it is a mostly-stylish, enjoyable, dark film about two men helping each other through their lowest points— nearly becoming bloodthirsty, unlovable monsters. Though, who’s to say Sean couldn’t love the monster Nick becomes?

[captainkurosolaire]

~ Mass Update ~

Mainly going into future plans and intents alongside ideas below cut.

Ton's of things I've in store this will prove difficult to vent it all out. But here we go... First off rehashing and appropriately learning to tag and organize things better on my blog. Each category will have their own corresponding content, I seek to bring or share. [Tales of Goldbrand] -- I intend this to carry a Compendium of all my writes soon that'll have everything neatly in-order including a glossary, so it'll have highlights of stories that even matter or the best stuff. I've written here for a very, long time, there's been many shifts. I want to make it more accessible. While coloring what matters for people who want to learn Captain or his Crew with less chapters. While also giving choice to find it all easily. This is essentially a step-above master-lists. I'll be doing that after the Saga I have going on, right now is done. [Captain] -- Will provide you strictly with Captain screenshots, gifs, photo-sets. This is still his blog despite the Crew thing's will sort of make this a scuffed Multi-Muse blog. I've few more things to edit and tag fix to get all his stuff though. [The Wild Crew] -- Afterwards this story is done Immortal Age Saga, It's something that I mainly wrote as a passion project within three days to get my warm-up process fixed. It's to allow me to get a feel for all his Crewmates and casts, in combat, in-general, to feel their presences. While also giving a bit of their backstories. At any point, I can go back and polish or tweak things in. They're NPC's but... not entirely. All will have their own 'Dreams' and their own 'Disapproval's' they have their own missions even. These things will factor eventually, they might set seeds, to betray or disagree with something, but that's all angst and more stories to be created, but overall, they'll probably always be Crew, eventually. -- I plan on making character-profile sheets of them and putting them in this Tab, it'll have their screenshots, their likes/dislikes. Some RP partners or people can also be shipped with them, but they'll all be monogamous and originally start off probably Pan. This allows them to figure out what they like on their own stories. I've always been someone who likes organic-flow. Although this one story contain all 16 characters or more, the rest will probably be shortened to a Squad of 4 and dispersed when on adventuring missions. Until I do a War Arc, that's my main goal to build too. [Roster] -- Will contain this Crew in just screen-sets dedicated to them, I'll probably randomly produce those. I've PC players among this Crew too. I may not be done either adding more, but this Crew is mainly built around Quality. Most pirate crew's mainly, have hundreds, thousands. Even Fleets. This Crew has personalities, monsters, people who are living life's that exist with piracy. He's an particular leader that had PC players the same way, he's had split-personality serial killers aboard, tribal chieftains, succubus, all sorts of various people once on a Crew. It's often an outcast style, pirates default are chaotic in nature, so this really isn't any different, it's a Fantasy version of it. There's humanization characters aboard too though, so this cast is really decked, everything and person is vital, they matter because they remind or covet something that others can draw upon. If ever played (Three Houses or Mass Effect / Dragon Age Origins) A lot of things like that are relatable too this structure and format. Which, Is something I want to be able to give when RPing. I want a genuine feel of this new world someone else's muse will be the main-character too. Depending on what's interacting everything they'll be scale appropriately to follow the genre they're in and environment even. [Aesthetics] -- Already explainable what you'll find here. [Asks] -- Same thing. [Prompts] -- Trivial things I was tagged too, I plan on compiling later. [Writing] -- Another alternatively to randomly go-down and it works right now. [Logs] -- Will have more individualistic master-lists and posts there, my poems from Sheik Sphere the Bard, etc.

Things of that nature, I'll probably add still. It's where a lot of my creative writing is summed. [Gems of Hydaelyn] -- My main #tag for other characters and artists, creationist. Lot of amazing people easily to find their zones or follow them optionally if you like. Ton's I intend to support and bolster, be a lot less unspoken. I'm never the type who's been strictly inclusive. But I'll do that when I've time to even explore the dash, I'm always still planning ahead with things and projects. [CKS] My original character-sheet it's outdated on something's but not too terrible. I'll give him polishing someday, I swear? [21+F-List] -- Just purely degenerate stuff of Captain. I'm a pirate blog. I will represent that with openness and furthermore. I'm never projecting you some false-image. I started off a smut-writer by stripping that, I no-longer represent the same aura and identity. But those are strictly his stuff and kinks, I'm effective in executing them but they're not all relatable to me OOC. This blog will always be 18+ containing crude or dark material sometimes, romantic things, this Captain is blunt, will literally put his cock on the table in conversations. Swearing and being censored would be too uncommon and displace most of him, but there's more about him then all this. [Other] -- I pay homage to a lot of characters, I originally am a Concept Designer. Which mean's I make characters and ideas like my addiction. Bad characters / villains or other little things I like to share in designs, I'll put there. Some villains might get little photo-sets, even if they died. Just cause I like their design, or maybe I'll give them an AU, where they won. When I've wrapped up things. [Collabs + Ships] -- Is a new project idea. This isn't going to be something limited too romantic only ships. It'll contain, platonic, romantic, friendships, rivals, frenemies, family, PC Crew, all ships. I am desperately working on improving my gif, screenshot, posing game so I can supply 'Screen Stories' this is not only a way to RP that's accessible with even people who are upon time-crunches from work, It gives visual-representation. To impactful stories shared with others and establish bonds. That are all-valid and impactful matter. Lot of people take a lot of their characters attributes into them and are them dialed up, I work with that and bit more, differently. I'm disconnected from my characters and they'll get hurt and injured and killed by me, that's my duty as their Author to give them conflicts and struggles. I'm their major antagonist, but that doesn't mean at-all, it's always SET that way. The characters I like to make have their own life, they live in this setting and are abide by it, they're often nothing, nobodies, and by the interacting with others, they slowly gradually building, more... Through emotional impacts, they alter, these are REAL people by all their beliefs. Each person they come in-contact with are legitimate and treated like that too. They've always impacted or given them insights to grow, or represent more. Otherwise it'd be criminally disrespectful if I allowed any emotional I felt OOC be the grudge to something IC. Captain in-particular is set on defying me. I cannot have that. ...But I can't stop him. He's met and encountered so many people and lived so many scenarios based on the actions of others, he's giving a chance right now to actually do things a lot further than impossible. The more people he meets and encounters, experiences, the more I lose. These stories are emotionally interactive where everything is a factor and adds to the dice, where the other people are the one who get to roll the dice for him, not me. That's something I want to color in. People range in emotions, they have their down's, ups, their own wholesome-grounding people, spending time with your favorite people, there's nothing more cherishing than that, being in your own comfort-zone or 'safe-space' these are all treasures that we live under, today. Contrary if what people assume of me, I'm not another 'blogger' that's came

before, who's wanting to force a harem, then constantly is bewildered when that falls to pieces cause of selfishness or a lack of communication, or the skeletons they have in their closets and beliefs they hid behind and swindled fooled everyone. I'm not looking to be popular or anything really, I just create stories and want to share in those, and I want to also boost others included, upward with me, especially those who make me. There's no ego in anything I do, this is purely love. I've never cared about being replicated or duplicated, I've had stalkers, I've gone through more then anyone would imagine, I've been used OOC and abused, just for my writing and cold-harshly told, i'd never amount to anything other then that or vice-versa. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion. That's all I got and am anymore. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion is the hardest thing to keep. It's something that can be stolen, quite effortlessly. Few words of discouragement, a bad negative representation, a lack of confidence, or small amount of time, there's many thing's that can put that flame out. Once you lose it. The difficulty to reattain is hundred-times harder than climbing any mountain for real. I've watched the greatest creators crumble from under the pressure, from beaten down by others. I watched many of them do it to themselves because they put a grand vision of needing validation of another and once lost, felt uncompelling to press onward. But passion also can be given BACK and drawn. It can be shown and encourage others, with a soft-triggering, that pushes them. That motivates, that constantly sticks to it. There are many that fuel me. If I ever quit, I let them down, I spit in the faces of people who're better than me in every-way. Or people who've came and given me their precious Time. That have given their character's or dedication to the abundant stories and community-driven things I've done. There's ONLY things you can do, create, give and provide. It cannot ever come to life without YOU. This is a fact. ...I swear, If you let your creativity soar, you'll be amazed by the heights you get. Constantly polish and learn and hone the best you, challenge yourself day after painstaking day, to draw better improvement on something, no matter how trivial or unfamiliar you are. You'll find a confidence only you can give yourself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Future Plans --------------------------------------------------------------------- For me, I've got so much more stories to give and also explore, I might be taking up soon some other artists and more skilled people from community and hire them for some of my future writes, to up my game or cause something thing's can't be done in-game cause no background carries it. I also got a lot of-set up things and more angst stuff I want to practice, plus I'm adamantly on that grind to produce screen-sets with the intent's to some sort of improving daily. Additionally more people I'll be reaching out too soon for these collab's ideas and things. I look forward to shaking your hands, giving some hugs, show you my respect and admiration, then creating some enchanting stories and giving plots light. Feel free to reach out to me, I get scattered-brain but I'm working on getting better about it. Eventually will get to you though, my goals, if uninterested just say so when I poke, no bites, unless you kinky. Anyways, cheers hearties.

[katyspersonal]

Rom / 2 & 4 :)

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

2) What animal they remind me of

You will never believe what I will say.... xD Okay okay, her commitment Kin status and lore aside, her human self the way I made her reminds me of a hamster! Because she is tiny, has weak eyesight but can hear well, like to run around, and is very adaptive - similar to a rat but 'cute'. Mice + hamsters are rodents that say 'hiiiii' but rats are rodents that say 'bruh'. x) But also because hamsters are often mistaken for 'lazy and dumb' creatures by people who don't know better when in fact they are as intelligent as average rodents, and they are simply nocturnal so they sleep most of the daytime! :pensive:

As for overall vibe, she also reminds me of a tardigrade even more than of 'caterpillar' or something! They survive anything (even outer space!) and I think Rom is nearly immortal (as in, we kick her from the Lake rather than actually killing). Also just look at them, they are chonky with many legs. xD

4) Physical headcanons (sleeping habits, favourite food, all that)

One of her most frequently seen habits is holding her hands together, mostly around the chest level, sometimes near her face - just a habit.

She has large and rare freckles:

Fun fact - a couple of times I broke the pattern with them on accident, and other couple of times I just forgot them completely ;-; I am just clumsy as an artist but I try to improve that. Someday I will learn.... The proper pattern I planned is - three on her right cheek, two under her right eye and five on the left side of her face.

A lot of the time her lips are open just enough to show her front teeth, which is just her Default Settings. She only closes them when either she is tense or when someone tells her to do so.

You would expect her to be nice to all living creatures, but it is not always the case. If she finds a bug or a cockroach stuck in her meal, she will just eat it! I mean, they put that on themselves, right...?

Her senses work in extremely mysterious ways and it was the case even before anything having to do with Byrgenwerth! For example, she can hear sounds so far away or so quiet no other person would even notice them, or her intuition would urge her to check a seemingly random place and find an interesting object, or a creature! Sometimes she can also find lost objects by 'smelling' them (even if they have no smell). It is almost as if her fate was grimly foreshadowed - however it just happens with some people in reality too... I'd say the reason is, human senses being way more keen than we believe and humans not realising like 90% of what they're perceiving and catching on.

She is far-sighted, her glasses help with it.

I said that she has rather keen senses, right? Well, there is an exception for very harsh stimuls - like thunder or explosions. She'd need several seconds to actually react at something very sudden. The rule with her basically is, the more obvious something is - the slower she is to react to it. Most of it comes because she is too submerged in thoughts and her inner world.

Rom has trouble sleeping during the night, most of it is just her laying with eyes closed, but the daytime destroys her. She developed a habit of catching up with classes she might have nearly napped through during the night in the library, with a few other students with similar problem.

She is the second shortest student in the class (160 cm, or 5'3'')! The first shortest is my Laurence, sorry fdshdshd He is 155 cm, or 5'1'' :')

She appears like a person in 0 physical shape but honestly, the thing draining her energy or preventing her from doing many physical tasks is her HUGE brain sdfhsdh And mental state. If it is not lack of night sleep, it is the raw amount of her thoughts being so heavy she bends under them xD When you manage to make her feel more positive and involved in the world around her, she gets very fast, light and agile! Just needs right motivation.

Her hair is always extremely soft and nice to the touch, as if it is stuck in permanent 'just after washing and hair conditioner' state. It also can't grow past the length I draw her with, it happens with some people that at some point hair just stops (it is just genetics in her case).

[carboniteprincess]

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, Canon-typical violence, mentions of blood, character death, murder, you're literally a rebel sniper, it's enemies to lovers boba is not going to be nice to you yet, love at first fist fight, I cannot stress this enough, ENEMIES TO LOVERS, he's kind of arrogant? but he's young give him time

Pairing: Boba Fett x F! Reader | 2.0k words

You're arguably the best sniper in the entire rebel alliance, with hundreds of high ranking Imperial officials on your belt. When you're given the order to kill Boba Fett, you are under the impression that this would be like any other mission. Unfortunately, he seems to have great skill of getting out of situations that aren't in his favor. Now you're on Tatooine, where your comrade Orda has lured him into discussing business in a shady restaurant under the guise of being an Imperial Commander. His luck has to run out at some point, and you intend that to be today.

Crossposted on Ao3!

Being a rebel wasn't as glamorous as you thought. You weren't conducting high-level espionage or anything of the like. Instead, your penchant for sniping was homed in on, making you one of, if not the best in the entire squad. The only flaw you had, was arrogance. Never have you let a target walk away, never have you allowed yourself into a tight spot. 

You were always ahead of the enemy, so when your general gave you the order to kill Boba Fett. You assumed it would be an easy in and out job, perhaps he would've posed a threat to other members of your squad. But to you it would be simple, right? Unfortunately not. 

This is your third attempt at some kind of ambush, luring him into a perfect position. Mandalorian armor had few weak points, meaning you had to meticulously spend hours figuring out where would land a good, clean blow. His neck. If angled correctly, one tilt of his helmet and it would be over. Right through the jugular, no more bounty hunter. Another imperial dog to add to your list. 

If he would just turn his head, a little more to the right. Sweat beads on your forehead, eyes focused down the scope. Being a good assassin was all about your ability to linger, to wait. You're positioned on a balcony, a blind spot to the restaurant below. Your associate kept him talking under the guise of being an Imperial Commander, negotiating pay for the next rebel target. Boba Fett sits across from him, drink untouched. If you could see his face you'd swear he seemed bored. His legs wide open, leaning back nonchalantly. 

Fingers clenching on the trigger, you close your left eye. It wasn't like you enjoyed your job, when this war was over you'd swore to never lift a weapon again. The Empire made you, molding you like clay into a perfect killer. A painful truth, a driving force. Your parents. Both were medical professionals, caught smuggling medication to the galaxy's poorest. Promptly executed and then you, an orphan. A street urchin, nothing more. 

It wasn't long into your teens that you heard of the resistance, your heart burned with a want of revenge. So you got stronger, learned how to use a blaster, pilot and any skills that would make you useful to their cause. But you weren't a rebel, not really. You didn't care for politics, didn't even bother listening to the speeches about restoring the Republic. It didn't matter to you, but what did matter was taking out as many Imperials as you could before you die in battle or finally become numb to the anger. 

Self-preservation was no concern of yours, and that made you dangerous. A loose cannon, hot-tempered, and scarily a woman. You were used to being underestimated by your peers on gender, height, birth planet…. and you were the one who gets the high-profile missions. You were the one who has the highest accuracy, years of practice which left your trigger finger calloused, and every other emotion muted. 

Boba Fett had become a real thorn in your side. Threatening your record, career and possibly your sanity. His uncanny talent for escaping situations, even if all cards were against him, was exasperating. You would be lying if you didn't have some modicum of respect for him though, you were somewhat alike. Respect, no matter how great, does not destroy a death warrant. 

Someday soon his luck would run out, and it would be you at the other end of the blaster. That day was today. Lips twitching into a smirk, you watch his neck turn. Bingo. You steady your rifle, pulse pounding in your ears. At last, this mission would be over. You'd become a legend, the woman who killed Boba Fett. 

Bang. You take the shot, accurate as ever. A hum leaves your lips, watching him fall to the ground. Your calculations were correct, there was a weak point. Every armor has one, even Mandalorian. It was like a drug, the puzzle pieces clicking together with every fragility you discovered. 

The restaurant below descends into chaos, even the bartender is panicking. All guests rushing from their tables, abandoning their meals as your associate checks the man's pulse. You stare down your scope, watching the ordeal. He gives a thumbs-up, definitely dead. A buzz in your ear alerts you to a comlink.

"He's dead. But I think you'll want to come down here." Orda replies through static. Your brow creases, what the hell could've gone wrong. Muscles twitching with irritation, you make your way through the currently uninhabited building. You were ordered to avoid collateral damage by all means necessary, a false fire alarm did the job well. 

Your feet tap against the stairs as you make quick work of assessing your surroundings— if something is wrong, then it's always better safe than sorry. It seemed to be all clear, so you proceeded out the door and onto the street. This area of Mos Eisley was pretty habitable, aside from the abundance of criminal undertakings. Dust kicks as you march into the restaurant, pushing through various guests who were piling out at lightspeed. 

With a gruff, you finally make it to the rooftop, an exclusive VIP spot which proved difficult to doctor identity necessary to enter. You're about to start asking what the hell could've been so important that he dragged you down here, but your eyes meet Orda's now slumped body, face down with all color residing. A frustrated sigh leaves you, he was a good man. Even worse, he was a great rebel. His heart was in it, unlike yours. He shouldn't have been the casualty here. You reach down, pulling out his identichip and stashing it in your pocket. An action that you've taken with far too many of your comrades. 

Painfully you pull yourself from Orda's body, standing upright. Lingering would be a deathwish, whoever killed Orda was skilled. An impressive marksman, obviously one of Boba's accomplices who mistakenly thought he was the one that shot him. You could go over what-ifs later, right now you were going to finish the fucking job. 

The sun was beginning to set, painting the sky in crimson constellations as the wind settled. Inspecting Boba's body was your primary concern, whatever Orda discovered, it cost him his life. You were determined to find out what exactly it was, from a glance it seemed like Boba Fett. With a grimace, you move his drooping head around. Concerningly heavier than expected, beskar is light and durable. 

You hook your fingertips under the helmet, pulling it off and coming face to face with…. not your target. Fuck. You'd be deceived, spectacularly. Knuckles white, feeling bile in your throat threatening to explode in a cocktail of frustration and admiration. The crudely made edges of the helmet abrasive against your palm, a reminder of your failure. 

Without a second thought, your balled fist comes into contact with the wall, encasing the helmet and sending tendrils of pain, a shock wave through your arm as you verbalize your confliction with a strangled scream. Orda died for nothing, you were a joke. Everything you had built, buried and locked away was floating to the surface. 

But you haven't felt this alive in years. Being outsmarted, so cunningly sent a morbid thrill up your spine. You could almost laugh, had you not heard footsteps approaching. Impulsively your hand fell to your blaster, making a mental note to thank your teacher for always carrying more than one. 

"Surely you didn't believe it was that easy to kill me." Before he can finish you turn, firing your blaster in his direction. Of course, his armor deflects it with ease. "I must admit, I'm impressed. Not everyone could distinguish beskar through weight alone." A snort leaves him at your feeble attempt to hold ground, looking over your pathetic secondary weapon that could barely injure an Ewok. 

"Go thing I'm not everyone then." You stand, keeping your right arm extended, blaster aimed at his inner thigh. It wouldn't kill him, however it would allow ample time for escape. "You killed my friend." He's circling you now. "Who's your Intel? How did you know I'd be here?" 

"You are hardly in the position to be making demands, little rebel." Another chuckle, you'd heard of him toying with his advisories before, but this was different. A teacher disciplining a student. 

"You're going to kill me anyway, what's the harm." You huff, shrugging. He stops pacing, chewing over your words. 

"Killing you would be a waste." That bastard. "Of my time and resources." He adds matter-of-factly. 

"Orda wasn't?" You spit, voice cracking in frustration. Figuring out what made others tick was your specialty, but the lack of motivation and reason within Boba's actions is what baffled you. 

"That was a favor." He sounds like you should be grateful, almost insulted that you hadn't figured it out yet even with him practically dangling the answer in front of you. Perhaps you weren't as clever as he thought. 

"A—favor? How would killing my comrade benefit me!" You reply astounded, cheeks burning red, hand shaking on your blaster. 

You think for a second, taking your eyes off him. Why did it take until after the kill for Orda to realize what was wrong with the body… He isn't… wouldn't…could've of… you've been double-crossed. "He wouldn't— I've spent months with him—" 

"And every little thing you did, he told me." His admission is calm, you look over Orda's body, no longer do you feel remorse. Just shame. You couldn't even see betrayal under your nose. 

You walk closer to him, the barrel of your blaster getting dangerously close. Nothing could stop you from finishing your mission right now, but he's letting you. Knowledge is far more appealing than rewards in the resistance. 

With your grip around the handle tight, you slam it down across his helmet, your knee reaching his groin. "You're very easy to fool." A smirk replaces the look of misery on your face, it was a dangerous game to pretend to let your guard down. Your risk paid off, managing to get a shot at his thigh. 

Swiftly, you press all your weight on him, knocking him back just enough to make a run for the edge of the balcony. He groans in pain, you're so close to the edge, escape almost in your grasp— when a grappling hook wraps around your ankle. 

You struggle against the cold floor, doing anything you can to wriggle free from his grasp.

It's fruitless, as soon as he's in reach you're kicking him, hurtling all kinds of abuse. Your attempts to wrestle him are almost comical and in a frenzy, you grip the only thing that seems viable. His Helmet. You manage to free it, your fingers hooking under and pulling it off his head, sending it on the floor beside you. For a moment you're the one stunned, not him. 

Dark curls frame his face, a beautiful border to tanned skin. His nose is prominent but compliments his features. Scars pepper his face, but he's young. Younger than you thought. You watch as his forehead crinkles in anger, hands pinning yours beside your head. 

Wasting no time, you bring your head to crack his, sending him back with a kick to the stomach. Your nose pours from impact, dripping onto the floor as you clamber to your feet. 

"This isn't over." You hear his voice, unmodified. You rush to the edge, peering over and assessing if you can land in one of the speeders below. He stands, trying to rush over to stop you. "Don't!" 

With a wink, you throw yourself over the side. In seconds you're hurtling onto the street, watching a bare-faced Boba Fett grow smaller with each passing second. His eyes are widened in either admiration or shock for your bravery. 

He eventually dares to look over and finds that you're gone. Whoever you were, he finally had a worthy opponent. He would find you again. His little rebel. 

[irelise]

Who is your favorite character - Alex or Yassen? And how do you feel this informs your characterization of one or both of them?

Thanks for this ask Valaks, just the type of meta I like!

I will say Yassen is my favourite hands down because I have a Type and Yassen’s character archetype hits all my guilty pleasures. Even before RR and all the delicious whump, Yassen already felt like a character with layers from what little we saw of him - a stone-cold professional but also one with a sense of humour; someone at the top of his field who also doesn’t particularly like his job or his employers and is just thinking of retirement; a hired killer who is purely, unabashedly in it for the money, no complex motives, no dithering over morals - yet he still had enough humanity to speak of love for a man fourteen years dead who had betrayed him, and have compassion and love for Alex who was thrown into the world of espionage far too young. That “I love you” at the end of Eagle Strike gets me every time ;_;

Then came RR: I really enjoy stories about agency (or lack thereof) and Yassen is a fascinating study of that, so a lot of my fic tends to place him in situations where he’s not entirely in control. Canon-wise, It’s easy to say that RR is the story of how he got whumped into being an assassin against his will and on some level that’s true - but he chose to join Malagosto; maybe at first he wanted to simply learn enough skills to survive, but by the time of his graduation assignment he was ready to kill, and it was only down to chance that he got cold feet at the last second. At the end of RR he consciously chose to become an assassin out of spite - (I have my own thoughts about how much sense that makes), but regardless, by that point I don’t think it’s fair to say that Yassen is purely a victim of circumstances with no agency of his own. By the time the main Alex Rider canon rolls around he’s done many unforgivable, irredeemable things under his own will.

...Having said that, I do still think that even as a fully-fledged Scorpia operative Yassen is still bound in a lot of ways, which is such a delightful contrast for me because of the way his lethality is emphasised. Here we’ve got Yassen, the most dangerous person in the room, capable of killing someone a hundred different ways without even needing a conventional weapon, but when we get a glimpse of his introspection in present-day Stormbreaker when faced with Alex, this is what we see:

“The two of them looked at each other, both of them trapped in different ways, on opposite sides of the glass.”

It’s tragic in a way that hits all my buttons - Yassen sacrifices all his morals, betrays his parents’ memory, turns his back on his own happiness (let’s not forget one of the last times when he felt pure happiness was when he decided not to complete his graduation assignment in New York and he felt like he won a battle against his own darker impulses) - and what does he get in return? A never-ending fight to prove himself the best at a profession he doesn’t even like, a lonely life destined for an premature ending, and all with Scorpia’s watchful, controlling eye in the background.

Oh dear god this reply is getting away from me. Um. I’ll leave the Eagle Strike meta for another day and just say that Yassen’s a character of very sharp contrasts - just look at the sheer range of his characterisations in fic and general fanon - and it’s interesting to poke at that. The aspect of his characterisation that rises to the forefront of each story can be completely different depending on his age, who he’s interacting with, the setting of the story, or even just what I’m in the mood to write. Canon-based AUs are particularly interesting for me just because there’s so much potential for the course of Yassen’s life - and the core of his personality - to shift completely if certain key events had changed; someday I still really want to write that MI6!Yassen fic...

Characterisation-wise I think I tend to focus on the contrast between how Yassen presents himself (controlled and graceful, deadly competence, dubious morals), with some sort of vulnerability below the surface, whether it’s something in the plot/setting (eg his precarious situation in Scorpia - I do adore your headcanon that he’s a tool Scorpia is slowly but surely trying to dispose of while wringing as much use out of him as they can), or an emotional weak spot (Alex).

Speaking of Alex, since this is already way too long, putting discussion of Alex below cut!

Alex, by contrast, I used to not be terribly interested in. Maybe it was because I was very young when I read the books, or maybe because of AH’s own writing which tends to focus more on the action and gadgets and plot than take time exploring the nuances in Alex’s characterisation. Compared to Yassen, Alex has several very strong key traits that tend to stay relatively constant when I write him: leans more to the serious side most of the time rather than pure unbridled chaos; smart mouth that he cannot and will not keep shut especially when some idiot is monologuing at him; independent and resourceful but somewhat impulsive; understimulated by “normal” life ever since Stormbreaker - which leads him into trouble, especially when combined with the fact that I do headcanon Alex as someone with a strong drive to do good and who refuses to turn a blind eye when there’s someone he can help or something he can make right.

Of course, since he’s fourteen, sometimes Alex’s intervention just makes things worse...

It’s only more recently thanks to the lovely writers and meta from the fandom that I started taking more of an interest in Alex - specifically, what happens as Alex gets older? I enjoy coming of age fic with Alex: those times where he suddenly realises he’s no longer a child spy, or the times he realises the moral views he held when he was fourteen are insufficient for navigating the murky world of intelligence - those situations where there’s no clear “bad guy”, or those times when strategic sacrifices need to be made...

I also very much enjoy adult Alex fics - just how does MI6 deal with an agent like Alex? Alex, who has a distrust of authority (MI6 in particular), who’s perfectly willing to disregard all mission parameters if he decides the circumstances call for it, who nevertheless is so effective that Jones makes the decision to keep using him - but will all of that backfire one day?

And what about Alex himself, working in intelligence without a patriotic bone in his body, with the black mark of Scorpia on his record? Alex who’s now an adult with adult coworkers and had hopes for finally fitting into a proper social circle again, only it turns out he still can’t connect with them and is as lonely as he was at fourteen? Alex, who keeps finding himself being compared to John and Ian Rider, the family that he had never really known yet condemned him to this life with no input from Alex himself?

Basically I think there’s bits and pieces of Alex’s characterisation I’m more interested in over others - and the main thing I find interesting about him is the circumstances he’s in: the government-sanctioned abuse and blackmail, the way he grows up a child in an adult’s world. So correspondingly my fic tends to focus on that rather than, say, light-hearted slice of life shenanigans around London or anything to do with Brooklands or family fic, although I’ll gladly read those from other writers! And since Yassen is my favourite over Alex, I think it would be rare indeed that I write an Alex-centric fic where Yassen doesn’t play a role at all.

[thotsforvillainrights]

So now how about Toga, Shigaraki, twice, compress, hawks, Geten, nine, slice, chimera and mummy meeting a new member with some kind of godlike quirk, but when they meet her it turns out that she's pretty af but dumb as anything. Like literally trips head over heels, is accidentally hilarious, laughs at absolutely anything and is extremely clumsy. Like she literally is 100 times stronger than afo but she can't even remember where her house is lmao thanks

(Hope you don’t mind if I leave the reader’s orientation open ended like usual, so everyone can fit themselves in!)

~The Ditzy Goddess/God/Deity~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

~Toga~

-Not gonna lie, it confuses her at first. I mean usually when you’re so powerful, you’re vindictive right? I mean that’s what she learned from watching AFO or even when she’s just watching fictional villains in movies. So when she meets you, she’s more like...”What the hell??? Is this a side effect of the quirk?” Well all quirks should have a weakness right? Anyway, she likes you like this because it shows despite your power, you’re just a normal human being too. She also thinks your personality is pretty cute lol

~Shigaraki~

-Literally face-palms himself at you a million times a day. Like how can someone so powerful be so stupid? Take no offense to him saying this (it’s to be expected). Despite that, he does everything in his power to keep you away from AFO. If you end up being found, he at least makes sure you lie about your quirk or something (this is before Afo steals Ragdoll’s quirk btw). The reason is because Shiggy is scared master will either turn you into an unstoppable Nomu, or take your quirk and ultimately...your life. Tomura cannot let that happen, especially since he’s grown rather fond of you (fallen in love). 

~Twice~

-Sees your personality and thinks nothing of it. You’re no different to him just because you could possibly take over the world if you really applied yourself. The reason why is because Jin looks at you and sees the type of person you are outside of your insane abilities. He much rather prefers watching you laugh at your own slipping in the kitchen than watching you destroy half the city. He makes sure you don’t join the league because he just doesn’t want you to be used by them. Of course he fails and you end up being the new member anyway. You have to stop him beating himself up about it and you remind him that you do what you want with your power despite anyone else’s opinions.

~Compress~

-Very impressed with you and will help you tighten up on any skills you might be lacking...which isn’t a lot to be honest. Mostly he’s really amazed at how mundane and domestic you can be. You could be halfway across the world making it rain fire on an entire region but here you are in the grocery store tapping watermelon to see which one is fresh or not. He finds it both amazing and endearing at the same time. Sako realizes the he wouldn’t want it any other way.

~Hawks~

-He loves laughing things out with you when you find silly things hilarious. He’s just about the same so you two couldn’t be anywhere serious in public because you both would be kicked out for snickering to each other lol. Keigo spends a LOT of time making sure you don’t accidently kill yourself around the house with how clumsy you can be. “I can’t believe I have to put cushions on the edge of the table because of you.” He teases while you gasp at him. “Excuse me sir, but it’s not my fault the carpet was extra slippery that day!” You two laugh it out and he’s seriously planning on making you his wife/husband/partner someday. Right now his main goal is to keep you AND your quirk out of the eye of the hero commission!

~Geten~

-Pretends like he hates it, but he absolutely makes it his life goal to be your protector. You forget a lot of shit and you’re pretty ditzy most of the time...okay, all of the time, but he loves you for it. No matter how many times you catch him rolling his eyes at you throughout the day, he still does everything for you out of love. Geten just wants to make sure you remain safe in his arms but he will NEVER admit that to you so don’t try and get him to lol. Despite all of this, he loves asking you to challenge him to a spar so he can sharpen his skills and become better. You beat him every time and of course he’s fuming, but when he looks at that perfect smile while you’re laughing at him, his heart just kinda flutters. 

~Nine~

-Super worried about you in today’s society. He has a very strong quirk himself (one that’s killing him slowly as a result), so he knows how rough things can be. If your quirk doesn’t fit into the nice little box that society has created, then you’ll likely be shunned. However, he notices this isn’t the case with you. Despite having a massively powerful quirk, you seem to behave as if you don’t have one! In fact, you act as though you don’t have much of a brain either lol. He might find some peace of mind when he catches you flicking the door stop in the living room and laughing at the vibration sounds it makes. “What on Earth?” He laughs before hugging you tightly. Maybe he’s worried for nothing.

~Slice~

-She knows you probably share a braincell with like one other person but she’s okay with that. You’re like the light of her life basically. She’s not always the confident and arrogant sexy woman that she seems. Sometimes she has trouble finding motivation to get out of bed in the mornings. Thank God she has you to come in the room and bite her nose like a weirdo. You laugh and it’s contagious because now she’s sitting up in the bedroom laughing while rubbing her sore nose. You’re powerful, but you don’t flaunt it and that is perhaps one of the reasons why she adores you the most of all. You are unapologetically you, and Slice loves it!

~Chimera~

-”You’re one fry short of a happy meal, aint cha?” He says with a sigh as he watched you try to pull a door open that said ‘push’ on the handle. “Oh, whoops! haha!” He smirks to himself and shakes his head. You might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he still loves you. With so much power, he sometimes feels like it’s a waste but then he watches you try to shove an ice cube in a water bottle under the idea that ‘it’ll melt soon’ and he figures it must be for the best right? Best believe if anyone insults your intelligence beside him, he’ll kill them. He knows you’re strong enough to protect yourself but you just don’t...because you were probably too busy zoning out to notice some asshole insulted you

~Mummy~

(I think this is the first time I’ve written for him since adding him to the list. Whoooo!!!)

-He gets a little frustrated thinking about all the power you have just going to waste while you’re sitting here watering plants in the apartment and bumping into the bookshelf literally every day. He might actually end up fussing about it a little bit but if he upsets you then he’s going to apologize (mostly because he’s scared you’ll destroy him if he doesn’t). Despite this, he’s going to try and motivate you towards some for of training or villainy. It’s up to you whether or not you choose hero/villain/or civilian. Either way, he admits he still loves you even if you two don’t always see eye to eye. He can’t see himself without you!

»—————————–———————————————————–��

Instagram: @pastelbattydraws & @pastelbattystore

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNMJH7vHL7APNobUykhK4w?view_as=subscriber

[balillee]

dsmp characters that i just can't vibe with (nothing to do with cc's, just i can't really care for the characters atm)

-niki - i'm kind of tired of people villainising trauma. her character's entire thing is just being a hypocrite and not doing anything for herself, and then complaining that nobody does anything for her when LITERALLY EVERYONE HAS DONE STUFF FOR HER. her character just complains all the time and does nothing about it. i love the cc, i want to add. her streams are often really comforting to watch, but i can't watch her dsmp streams bc her character just bores me :( i really want to like c!niki but i just can't :((((

to improve the character - i think the only improvements could start kind of retroactively. if she was actually more of an active character than she is, by doing her part more than she has (her plot in manberg was literally as an activist but had to wait to be saved by the pogtopians???? and then never once brought up her grievances with the tubbo administration and just ran away???? lady you have no right whatsoever). either that, or instead of getting jack to do the work for her, she could actually do something???

-phil - canonical shit dad, can't vibe with his motives at all. literally has no plot other than 'i killed my son and i don't seem to give a shit until it benefits me in an argument, and i left my other son to rot - pig man good, and i'll replace my two sons who i've failed with another one with severe anxiety and memory issues.' again, i love the cc, and i do sometimes watch his hardcore streams, and i love his chemistry with people like techno, tommy, wilbur and tubbo.

to improve the character - either go full in on the shit dad thing by completely siding against tommy and wilbur at all times, or negate that by trying to reconcile with either of them, or, i don't know, APOLOGISE TO THEM????

-fundy - i know, controversial one. i can understand his motivations, wanting to unite all the people he cares about by making them attack him, but it's just the ego problem. his character's lack of validation from all angles has built this idea of self-importance within him, which i just can't vibe with, because i know for a fact a character like him couldn't do that the same way someone like dream or techno could. i love his chemistry with the cogchamp lads, and i often tune into those streams, but since the sudden change of pace in his character, i've just become bored.

to improve the character - i think he needs to have big plans. he's very much a technical kind of guy, not so much a brawler like dream or techno, so a big technical contraption that genuinely threatens everyone or a plot big enough to actually do some damage. either that, or his plan falls through a little and he ends up taking a canon life on accident or something and realises what he's doing.

-techno - i love techno, and his character motivations and the fact that he's engineered to be a hypocrite actually makes him interesting, bc unlike o t h e r c h a r a c t e r s he actually works for what he does and what he has to some extent. it's just that not once has his character been humbled, nor has he ever suffered a major loss such as losing a life. you're kind of teetering into mary sue category with all of your redditt stans, big man.

to improve the character - have. him. lose. at least once. i know his whole thing is that he never dies, but having him die makes him actually fear something. it gives his character more depth, and it'll make him more careful, and a lot more vulnerable, because then people would know that he's not invincible.

i apologise if this sounds too negative or too critical - i find it difficult to criticise sometimes without sounding too mean or thinking that i sound mean when i don't mean to. there's definite potential in all of these characters, from a fellow writer's perspective, for greatness and i want to see it. i want villains i can get behind. i want anti-villains i can get behind. we've already had wilbur. techno's a good anti-villain. dream is an exceptional villain (even if he does need to be beaten someday, akin to techno). i want something new. i mean, fundy's spiral sort of mirroring wilbur's makes narrative sense, i just think it can be executed better.

(also please let me know if this sounds mean, i don't want to sound mean ;( )

[bittybattybunny]

I could use a warm cup of ☕

How about this Legally blonde AU which isn't a full au i just love the song "there right there" and want to someday do an animatic when I'm not dead 24/7

“Ughhhhh.” The man dragged his hands down his face annoyed, “why can’t Eclipse help?! This whole trial is going to be a real pain in my ass as it is.”

“Hey! Hey! You have me!” the young lawyer in training beamed, pointing to her chest proudly, “Come on, Thatch! You’ll be fine~! It’s a simple murder case!”

“Helena there is nothing ‘simple’ about murder.” he stared at her with dead tired golden eyes. He sighed as he read over the files once more, “Sena Deluna, character witness, proving to be miss Frost’s alibi. But no one can prove it wrong as they were both unattended but if it’s true then it both gives more motive and lack of motive as well as plausibility…” he moved to chew his thumbnail, only to have his hand grabbed. He gave a sharp glare.

“Miss Guardian told me if I caught you doing that to stop you.” Helena chirped, “well I mean if it wasn’t him what’s the issue? Surely more wanted to kill Mr. Frost.”

“The issue is the wife has the most concrete motive and evidence but it’s this damn alibi that’s screwing it up.” He pinched the bridge of his nose before heading into the court room and ruffled his hair, “well guess I just need to prove my worth once more….”

“Good luck!” Helena gave him a thumbs up as she was left in the hall. She sighed as she knew she couldn’t go in for the earlier trial and wandered the halls, swinging her hands behind her back as she did. She hummed a bit as she saw the silver haired man as he was fixing his bangs in a window reflection. She watched as he smirked at himself and couldn’t help noticing his eye color.

Her mind wandered and before she could speak she heard a scoff.

“That shade of yellow is horrible, and wearing uggs to a court case? Are you 12?” he snorted and walked past her.

She froze up as she watched him enter the court room. The way he spoke she blinked, she’d heard that exact accent before. Her eyes glimmered and she ran towards the door pacing until she was allowed inside. She ran right up to Arulius as he shuffled his papers and grumbled.

“They can’t have an affair!!!” She whispered to him. He snorted at her. She puffed her cheek up, “Thatch he’s gay.”

He blinked, “What?”

“That guy! Sena! He’s 100% gay! The interaction i had in the hall sells it!”

[padawanlost]

Hi, I really enjoy your blog and your insights into the prequels. If you have time, could you explain a bit more about how the clone army was commissioned. I've watched the prequel movies and Clone Wars several times, but I'm still a little confused. The Kaminoans say Sifo-Dyas commissioned the clone army. Jango says he was hired by Tyranus (Dooku) and has never heard of Sifo-Dyas. And Obi-Wan thinks Sifo-Dyas was already dead when the army was commissioned. So what is the deal with Sifo-Dyas?

Sure, I tried to make a timeline. Maybe it’ll help see things a little more clearly :)

Before 52 BBY: Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas becomes close friends with Jedi Master Dooku.

52 BBY: Sifo-Dyas, along with Dooku and his apprentice Qui-Gon Jinn, attend a meeting where they meet  Magister Hego Damask (Darth Plagueis). He and Hego discuss their worries about the future of the Republic. At some point during their talks, Plagueis suggest the need for a military force to keep the peace but Sifo-Dyas rejects the idea.

“Lest you’re thinking of investing in military enterprises, Magister, I can assure you that the Republic will not reverse its stance on demilitarization.” His words were forceful, but lacked certainty. “The Ruusan Reformations will not be repealed.” Plagueis showed the palms of his hands. “And I can assure you, Master Jedi, that my questions were in no means motivated by thoughts of profit. We—that is, I—don’t wish to see the Republic caught off guard. For now I’ll place my faith in the Jedi, and in the belief that an army could be raised if necessary.” Sifo-Dyas’s gaze faltered. “Out of thin air? Unlikely, Magister.” “Grown, then.” “Manufactured, you mean.” “No, I was being literal,” Plagueis said. “But I know of only one group that might be up to the task. The group who grew laborers to work the mines of Subterrel.” [James Luceno. Darth Plagueis]

52 BBY to 32 BBY: Over the next 20 years as Dooku’s concerns for the Orde rand the Republic grew, so did Sifo-Dyas own worries.  Like Dooku, he also tried to warn the Council about the approaching darkness but they didn’t listen to him. At some point he was invited to join the Jedi Council but his seat was removed after he considered too extreme for them.

“Prior to the blockade of Naboo, Sifo-Dyas sat on this Council until we judged his ideas to be too extreme.  Indeed, he said he foresaw a great conflict  and that the Republic would need to raise an army. At the time, the Council rejected those ideas.’ – TCW 06x10

During this period, Sifo-Dyas and Dooku meet Senato Sheev Palpatine from Naboo. After this, Dooku and Palpatine become friends, having many conversations about politics and the Jedi.

“By right of birth. My family is agreeable. Now it’s simply a matter of informing the High Council.” “Has anyone ever left the Order?” “Nineteen before me.” “Have you shared your discontent with any of them?” “Only Master Sifo-Dyas.” “Of course.” Dooku looked up. “He worries that I’m going to do something rash.” “Leaving the Order isn’t rash enough?” “He fears that I will denounce the Council openly, and reveal how divided its members are about answering to the Senate.” He looked Palpatine in the eye. “I’ve half a mind to join your cause.” [James Luceno. Darth Plagueis]

32 BBY (right before the events of The Phantom Menace): Sifo-Dyas once again meets Magister Hego Damask, but this time he’s interested and willing to listen to what he has to say:

“You said that you have some vague recall of our conversation on Serenno. Do you remember my mentioning a group of gifted cloners?” “I’m sorry, I do not.” “They are native to an extragalactic world called Kamino. I have on occasion done business with them on behalf of clients who desire cloned creatures, or require cloned laborers capable of working in harsh environments.” The Jedi shook his head in uncertainty. “What does this have to do with anything?” “I believe that the Kaminoans could be induced to grow and train a cloned army.” Sifo-Dyas took a long moment to reply. “You said yourself that the Republic would never sanction an army.” “The Republic needn’t know,” Damask said cautiously. “Neither would the Jedi Order have to know. It would be an army that might never have to be used, and yet be available in reserve should need ever arise.” “Who in their right mind would fund an army that might never be used?” “I would,” Damask said. “Along with some of my associates in the Banking Clan—and in conjunction with contacts in Rothana Heavy Engineering, which would supply the ships, armaments, and other matériel.” Sifo-Dyas fixed him with a look. “Come to the point, Magister.” “The Kaminoans will not create an army for me, but they would do so for the Jedi Order. They have been fascinated by the Jedi for millennia.” Sifo-Dyas’s dark brown eyes widened. “You’re not proposing cloning Jedi—” “No. I have been assured that such a thing is impossible, in any case. But I have also been assured that a human army a million strong could be ready for deployment in as few as ten years.” “You’re suggesting that I circumvent the High Council.” “I suppose I am. The Kaminoans need only a modest down payment, which I could provide to you through untraceable accounts I maintain in Outer Rim banks.” Again, the Jedi remained silent for a long moment. “I need time to consider this.” “Of course you do,” Damask said. “And when you’ve reached a decision, you can contact me at my residence downside.” [James Luceno. Darth Plagueis]

32 BBY: Qui-Gon Jinn dies and Master Dooku leaves the Jedi Order 32 BBY: Sifo-Dyas places the order on Kamino;

Obi-Wan turned to face Yoda. “Master, did Sifo-Dyas order the clone army?” Yoda nodded. “Contacted the Kaminoans, he did.” “Without your knowledge?” “Without it, yes. But exists, a record of his initial contact.” [Labyrinth of Evil. James Luceno]

“And Master Sifo-Dyas?” Dooku frowned. “He knew that my leaving was simply a matter of time. Although he did say something I found to be rather curious. He said that if I had any designs on instigating dissent, he would be one step ahead of me.” [James Luceno. Darth Plagueis]

32 BBY: Palpatine kills Plagueis and takes Dooku as his new apprentice. Some time after that, Palpatine tells Dooku about the clone army, so he kills Sifo-Dias. After, he finds Jango Fett – whom he had fountgh in the battle of Galidraan – and convinces to become the template for the clone army.

One of your former confidants at the Jedi Temple has perceived the coming change, Sidious had told him. This one has contacted a group of cloners, regarding the creation of an army for the Republic. The order for the army can stand, for we will be able to make use of that army someday. But Master Sifo-Dyas cannot stand, for the Jedi cannot learn about the army until we are prepared to have them learn of it. And so with the murder of Sifo-Dyas, Dooku had embraced the dark side fully, and Sidious had conferred on him the title Darth Tyranus. His final act before leaving the Jedi Order was to erase all mentions of Kamino from the Jedi archives. Then, as Tyranus, he had found Fett on Bogg 4; had instructed the Mandalorian to deliver himself to Kamino; and had arranged for payments to be made to the cloners through circuitous routes … Ten years passed.  Under its new Supreme Chancellor, the Republic recovered somewhat, then grew more corrupt and beset with problems than before. As best they could, Sidious and Tyranus helped things along. Sidious had the ability to see deep into the future, but there was always the unexpected. With the power of the dark side, however, came flexibility. Having traced Fett to Kamino, Obi-Wan Kenobi had turned up on Geonosis. All at once, here was Qui-Gon Jinn’s former Padawan, right under Dooku’s nose. But when he had informed Sidious of Obi-Wan’s presence, Sidious had only said, Allow events to play out, Darth Tyranus. For our plans are unfolding exactly as I have foreseen. The Force is very much with us.

22 BBY: Obi-wan Kenobi discovers Kamino and the Clone Army. The kaminoans have no idea Sifo-Dyas had been dead for 10 years or that he had nothing to do with choosing Jango Fett as the template.

In conclusion, the Sith manipulated a Jedi Master into creating an army for them to destroy the Jedi.  

[paranoidpdsuggestion]

ah, i didn’t realise it was common! can you describe what it’s like to have both? i know that’s kinda a hard request cuz you only know what it’s like to have both, but if you can i think that would help,, and only if you want to, of course /g

Oh, well, I must say that my BPD and PPD are at a constant battle, but paranoia usually wins... I'll include some symptom combinations to see if you might relate: - tendency to hold grudges (ppd) and splitting (bpd) are a fierce combination, I don't forgive ANYONE, EVER, for wronging me even slightly, even if it wasn't intentional or if they apologize and/or change. - i have days where my need for attention overrides my paranoia and i put myself out there, only to regret anything later when my paranoia comes back, and I often delete things, go private on social media, lock accounts, block people, etc. - rare moments of vulnerability followed by regret. - "i am suicidal and want to die badly but what happens when you die?! what if im in pain the entire time im dying?? what if people go through my stuff?? what if-" - "gotta hide the self harm scars so people don't take advantage of me cuz they see my weakness" - my FP is also my safe person, but there are times where i doubt their loyalty or their motives, but they're a lot safer than other people. likely, my FP is the only person i truly trust, but I still can't fully expose my weakness to them... will always be suspicious of people and assume the worst will someday happen. - internally accuse my partner of betraying me by cheating, abandoning me or planning to kill me (i don't outwardly say anything to them to avoid being toxic) - do i dramatically vent to someone about my feelings? or do i refuse to confide due to fear of things being used against me/being made fun of? *spins roulette wheel in my head* *regrets any decision* - stressed? slightly triggered? MEGA paranoia. combine the symptom of stress-related paranoia with BPD and the entirely of PPD and you have a mess of a person who can't leave their house, isolates from everyone, constant panic attacks, psychotic episodes. - emotional volatility and tendency to see most even slightly negative things against me makes me very angry and sad towards others, im seen as so overly emotional and sensitive that I can't handle anything even slightly negative against me... rejection sensitive dysphoria 💔 - IMPULSIVE DELETION OF ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. YOU DIDNT SEE ANYTHING. - impulsive dangerous actions like speeding and drinking are not done as often as someone with only BPD instead of both, due to fear of pain and death despite suicidality. - no friends cuz i split on them due to anything aforementioned and cant make new ones cuz i dont trust anyone :D i want friends so badly what is wrong with me!! - bpd-induced unstable self-image and lack of understanding self turns into paranoia i.e. "i don't feel real... what if i'm not real... wait... *has a psychotic episode*" These are just some things, I don't want this to get too long but I hope you get the gist of it!