#my kids have a lockdown drill at school today

[glorious-spoon]

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[twilightown]

*

[jenthebug]

Just heard the school across the street go on lockdown as I was getting out of my car. (Probably a drill? Lotta pork on campus, 3 sheriff’s cars and school district security)

I hate it. Kids these days have to prepare to be shot at. Because it happens.

I remember Columbine breaking our souls here in Colorado, making international news.

Now when I drop Jay off at school, there are days that I think, “He could get shot today.” Not because anything different is happening, just because he could get shot any day. He goes to a good school! But good schools get shot up too.

I can’t homeschool him. I’m not a teacher. Cognitively and in terms of energy, I couldn’t keep up. He’s a junior in high school and needs his peers and his theater program 🎭.

So I send him to school every day. It’s like gambling. We’ve won every day so far.

I hope the kids at the elementary school across the street aren’t too scared. I hope it’s a drill, I hope they know it’s a drill.

[theworldoffostering]

Back to old habits.

I was so down this morning that I convinced myself a Diet Coke and McGriddle at 9:30 would make me feel better. It did so maybe that was a good call on my part? I’ll probably feel differently when I have to enter it into my daily nutrition app tonight and meet with my trainer tomorrow.

I’m buried with grading at work. It’s not going poorly; I’m just a little overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities between work and home.

I love October but it’s always insane with work and I really just want to enjoy fall with my family and not work 6-7 days because I’m working and homeschooling and stay-at-home momming all while working.

Today I had to have contact with my endocrinologist and I realized it just takes everything out of me because I know up front I’m going to have to advocate more myself and it’s going to be so much work. That means I put off talking to them and today it went exactly as I expected. The nurse called. She went through my two medications. Asserted I was not taking them as prescribed (I am; she had it wrong on her end), and then told me I was basically being “over treated” which means I’m taking too much Synthroid. Every time they drop me on the Synthroid, I feel like crap so I’d definitely rather take more than less (and by more I mean I’d prefer to take .137 instead of the .112 currently prescribed which has me breaking out with acne and my hair falling out).

I sent a follow up email after talking to her and told her I was taking the medication as perceived and she must have been working with old data. I also told them to stop invalidating how I actually feel. This is the nonstop fight I have with this field in general. They want to treat my lab numbers, not me or how I’m feeling. It. Is. Maddening. And also, exhausting.

So far this week, I’m fighting standardized testing at the schools (opting my kids out but getting lots of pushback), recoiling over the email sent to parents regarding the school lockdown drills (the email said something about how we communicated to students that they were safe at school during an active shooter drill—does that seem tone deaf or is it just me?), and managing allll of the things.

DH is waiting to hear the outcome for a job he interviewed for last week, and lined up an interview for next week. In the interim, he’s subbing near daily and squeezing in neuropsych testing tomorrow.

I’m so tired, and decided October was when I was going to meet with my trainer again after not seeing her since July-ish. So far she’s trying to get me to walk a mile a day and clean up my diet. I’m finding both difficult which is disappointing given that I trained to run a 5k last October.

C’est la vie, right?

[imaginedreamwrite]

I got an email from my kids’ school yesterday informing all the parents that there was going to be a planned lockdown drill—something I had to do since I was a child throughout highschool

Throughout elementary & Jr. high, the only time we actually had lockdowns was when there were stray dogs or moose running around the school property—and that was only for a few hours

Only once was there a serious incident in high-school involving a bomb threat, and again that was only for a few hours

The practiced lockdown made me wonder how many shootings had taken place in the United States this year, and I was not prepared. I was not prepared to learn how many innocent lives have been taken

There have been more mass shootings than days this year, in the United States, in 2023

The practiced lockdown today at my kids’ school will likely never actually end up being real, and while that makes me eternally grateful that they can go to school in peace, my heart breaks for students in the US

No one should be afraid of sending their kids to school, wondering if they kissed their child for the last time. No one should have to worry about sending their kids to school to learn, and be anxious about whether or not someone with a gun is going to break into the school and kill them

My heart breaks for all of you that have to live in constant fear of sending your kids to a place that should be for education and learning, and instead is treated like a war zone

Or even walking down the street with your family, or going to a club with friends to enjoy yourselves. Or taking the train, or a cab

No one should be this afraid to step outside or live their lives

[ann1e-on-earth]

My school went on lockdown today during period 4 (11:10- 12:05, I think) because there was a huge “BOOM!” noise by a school that’s close to mine and the district was like “Well, shit, that could be a gun” and put all the schools in the area on lockdown.

My class was having gym class outside on the field when we went into lockdown, so the principal came outside and screamed from the door to the field “EVERYONE INSIDE!!”

So we all went inside the school and were led into the gym by an EA. We’ve done a bunch of lockdown drills before, so even though some of the kids did NOT know what was happening, they saw the others run into the gym closet (which is where we're meant to hide if there's a lockdown and we're inside the gym) and followed them inside the closet, which is actually pretty big because it holds a lot of gym equipment, even though there were like, 10 kids piled into there.

We were all inside the closet with the gym teacher and by then everyone understood what was happening, and I was just saying "Welp, we're fucked" because nobody knew why we're in lockdown. Some kids thought that there was somebody with a gun close to our school and were worried, bug then we were informed that there wasn't anybody super close/inside the school and everyone calmed down.

Everybody then started goofing off, like laughing, doing other stuff, etc, and the gym teacher was like "SHHHHHHHH"

Then a couple of kids started arming themselves with hockey sticks and water bottles (even though we weren’t being threatened) and standing by the door. I was armed with a sharp pencil and my metal water bottle

I kept trying to sleep but I couldn't because some girl's foot was in my face, a guy was pressed up against my legs, and my "pillow" was a plastic stepping stone 😭

A couple of kids started complaining about being hungry and having to go to the washroom because by then it was around lunchtime, so everyone was whining (but we were still a bit energetic)

A few kids were worried because they have family at nearby schools and were worried about them getting hurt or killed (Nobody died, btw)

I eventually gave up trying to sleep and just sat in a circle and told stories to some other girls and a guy (one of the girls being the kid who had her foot in my face, the guy being the dude who was pressed up against my legs

After an hour and a half somebody knocked on the closet door and everyone just started screaming their heads off, but then a voice said "It's Mr *(principal's name)*!" and the gym teacher opened the door and it was the principal and a police officer, who told us to get our binders and return to our homeroom to eat

We actually got Free Freezies and lollipops though bc the teachers felt bad for us 😍😍😍

My amazing ELA teacher filled us in on what happened a little afterwards

It turns out that some kind of electrical thing at another school EXPLODED and made a big ahh "BANG!" noise which happened to sound like an explosive or a gun, and since my school is just across a lake from that school, we were put into lockdown.

We were all okay but some of the younger kids were traumatized

[miss-v-is-fine]

We had a real lockdown today. No one is hurt, thankfully. That said, please do not read this if you are triggered by this type of content.

I was in the beginning of my third period class when our dean called for hallway restriction over the intercom. Soon after, two students from across the hall were escorted to the admin wing by our assistant principal.

This was because they had just told their teacher that an older student they didn't know had held them up at gun point in the bathroom with sight on.

The boys identified the older student on the camera for our admin and our principal announced lockdown. At this time, most of us thought it was a drill. The kids did a great job of being quiet and sitting in the dark, but after about 20 minutes I began to wonder how long this was supposed to last.

I hear many things going on in the hallway: I hear my AP, and heavy footsteps, and police yelling for [student] to come out of the Spanish room with his hands up. I hear the clicking of handcuffs and movement past my door.

About 10 police officers with large rifles escort the student out of the building. 40 minutes have passed when the lockdown ends and 30 police cars drive away.

Communication goes home and many parents pick up their children early.

After searching the student, it is revealed that the "gun" was actually a large lighter with a lazer pointer.

The Spanish teacher and her students all meet with counselors after being confronted with the wrong end of the police rifles. We are all encouraged to make use of the counselors.

The Spanish teacher stayed and continued to teach for the whole school day.

We have a staff meeting after school. Our principal fills everyone in and praises us for doing well. Afterwards, the other teachers in my hallway and I gather with the Spanish teacher. She is amazingly calm and about to go to her second job.

[mloreley]

When I was in school, we didn't have on-campus police. We didn't have security that we had to pass through just to enter the school. For most of it, we never had lockdown drills. Then, "Columbine" happened, and it shattered the concept that schools were safe from that kind of violence, and folks used the fear of that incident as an excuse to further invade our privacy. The very idea that any kind of shooting could happen AT school had shaken the country to our core and mobilized several people to take measures to protect kids. As opposed to today, when school shootings happen without even a passing mention in the news. The TSA didn't exist in airports. There was security, but it was only reasonably invasive. You could bring food and drink with you through the gates, which often was good for folks on long journeys who couldn't afford to buy their food at the airport. Meals and snacks were included in the cost of your ticket if you had a longer flight, and you only started facing fees on checked baggage on more than two bags. You didn't have to remove shoes, and the security gates were just metal detectors instead of full-body invasive scans. You could bring guests with you directly to the gate so they could see you off, which is why older movies/shows had dramatic moments of characters rushing to the gates for their dramatic scenes. Then 9/11 happened, and they used the fear that event caused as an excuse to invade our privacy further. Most kids I grew up with didn't have cell phones. Not even the really well-off ones, and I grew up in a reasonably upper middle-class area. The idea of phones that could access the internet would've been beyond us. When we dialed, it would call the number we dialed immediately; no chance to double check that you put it in correctly. For that matter, the internet was treated very cautiously, with warnings about not giving out personal information to people, because they were strangers and you never know what using your real name online might do for your safety. Videos took two hours to load 5 minutes of video. Queer people were not widely accepted, even though concessions were made to acknowledge that they exist. More often than not, queer people were treated as jokes, stereotypes, or just punchlines. Trans people just did not show up in media, period, unless it was the most hateful sort of representation. There was still a lot of queerphobia still lingering from the stigma against them stoked in the 80's during the AIDS crisis. Then, when Matthew Shepard was cruelly murdered, there was public outcry for hate crime legislation and more positive queer visibility. For that matter, "Queer" was used as a collective term (the infamous chant, "We're here, we're queer, get used to it!" was popular at Pride events). While that hatred isn't gone, being queer is much more accepted in today's standards, is talked about more, is even taken for granted. So this is a case of some things having become more accessible, even if there are still fights to be fought. This is all social, cultural stuff, but it's stuff that's been replaced in public consciousness. If we're talking more in line with what OP is talking about, I remember when "El Niño" hit public consciousness; bigger and more drastic storms, unusually warmer weather, and how those storms that once horrified people would look like puddles in the wake of hurricanes we see today. That's honestly just off the top of my head, but it's strange to realize how drastically all these things have shaped our current landscape, in more ways than one.

[urbtnews]

Georgia High School Shooting: 14-Year-Old Student Kills 4, Including 2 Teachers and 2 Students

Georgia High School Shooting: 14-Year-Old Student Kills 4, Including 2 Teachers and 2 Students Stay Trendy with URBTNews.com ( Subscribe Today Free!) A devastating shooting at Apalachee High School in Winder, Georgia, has left the community in shock. A 14-year-old student opened fire inside the school, resulting in the tragic deaths of two students and two teachers. The incident, which occurred on a typically quiet Wednesday morning, has raised serious concerns about school safety and youth violence. Authorities responded rapidly, but the damage had already been done, leaving families and friends grieving unimaginable losses. Shooting Shatters Community The shooting unfolded at Apalachee High School, located in Barrow County, Georgia, just after 10:20 a.m. on Wednesday. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation (GBI) confirmed that a 14-year-old student is the suspected shooter. The student allegedly fired multiple shots, killing two students and two teachers while injuring nine others. Law enforcement officers arrived on the scene within minutes and quickly apprehended the suspect, who surrendered without resistance. Barrow County Sheriff Jud Smith expressed profound sorrow for the community, stating, “My heart hurts for these kids and our community.” He emphasized that the investigation is ongoing and vowed that "hate will not prevail in this county." The sheriff added that authorities are still determining how the shooter obtained the weapon and brought it into the school. A School Day Turned into a Nightmare Students and teachers were left in shock as the sound of gunfire echoed through the school’s hallways. Apalachee student Stephanie Folgar described the harrowing moment she heard gunshots, prompting her to hide in a bathroom stall. The realization that this was not a drill only sank in when a teacher confirmed that nothing was scheduled that day. “Some people were crying,” Folgar shared, recounting the fear and confusion that gripped everyone present. As the school went into lockdown, police officers worked to evacuate students to safety. Authorities led the students to the nearby football field and reunited them with their frantic parents. The reunification process was understandably chaotic, as families grappled with the unthinkable horror that had just occurred. Moving Forward: Grief and Healing The community of Winder, Georgia, now faces the difficult process of grieving and healing after this tragic event. Counselors now offer support to students, staff, and families dealing with the aftermath of the shooting. Schools across the county have heightened security measures, and discussions about how to prevent such incidents in the future are already underway. Law enforcement continues to investigate the circumstances of the shooting, with Sheriff Smith calling the process “very fluid.” Many questions still need answers, but officials continue their efforts to uncover the truth. In the coming days, they aim to provide more information as they piece together the motive and the sequence of events leading up to this tragedy. Quick Response from School Resource Officers School resource officers stationed at Apalachee High School responded immediately after the shooting began. Their swift action led to the suspect’s quick arrest, preventing further casualties. Standing Strong Amid Tragedy This shooting serves as a painful reminder of the urgent need for safety and security within educational environments. As the investigation continues, the Winder community stands together, determined not to let this tragedy define them. Sheriff Smith’s message was clear: love and resilience will help the community rebuild in the wake of this senseless act. This heartbreaking event marks another entry in the growing list of school shootings across the United States. The community’s strength will be tested, but the resolve to overcome this tragedy remains steadfast. The Beautiful Lesson's from the Ugly woman Book - Buy Here! Read the full article

[astro-nomaly]

TW for gun violence/school shooting

I am so mad at my county right now. Today during my homeroom class, my principal announced a lockdown and did not specify in any way that it was a drill. My teacher did not know if it was a drill, nor did any other teacher. There were several cop cars outside. I was scared shitless. What was worse was that my sister attended the same school, and she was across the building from me. They had us in the dark for 20 minutes straight, scared shitless. At one point someone jiggled the doorknob and I almost cried. I texted my mother,father, and best friend goodbye texts. I told them I loved them, because I didn’t want to take the risk that I wouldn’t get to say it again. My little sisters don’t have phones - I couldn’t tell them I loved them too. For 20 minutes I was terrified I would never get to. For 20 minutes I entertained the possibility of a shooter being in THEIR elementary school.

I was a drill. Turns out, the police district in my town have decided to make shooter/criminal drills more ‘authentic’. My sister told me to run to the nearest church and hide. She told me not to look for her. My mother likely had an anxiety attack and picked us up early because she was so scared. Because of a fucking drill, I had to tell my family that there might be a shooter in the building and I loved them. So did every other kid in that classroom. It was the scariest experience of my life, and it might become routine. The worst part is that this ‘authenticity’ won’t even matter because everyone is going to expect it now. I don’t want to be terrified every single month when they have another drill. I can’t keep scaring my mom and dad and best friend with goodbye messages because I don’t want to chance never getting to hug them again. I fucking hate my county.

[pizzawrench]

to add on to that last rb like the infamy around columbine is actually so ridiculous and crazy idc how many girls want to fuck them i don’t care how many times the creator of south park wants to reiterate how High School Hierarchy it was i don’t care that brooks brown or whatever his name is was their friend and he let them go so he wants to defend them and say they were bullied so bad maybe let’s examine WHY people didn’t like them. maybe let’s examine why people wouldn’t want to hang around a literal psychopath and his little freak pet. they literally killed all those people and the framing of that shit set off a domino effect that is still fucking us up today and terrorizing our children it terrorized us in school and it’s 10x worse for the kids today my niece can’t wear light up shoes to school just in case she’s ever in an active shooter fucking combat situation as a 5 year old bc the media couldn’t comprehend over 20 years ago that 2 bigoted fucking freaks would commit a massacre for the hell of it. and we all saw patrick ireland CRAWL out of that window onto the fire truck we all grew up hearing the cassie vs rachel indoctrination spiel they started to terrify kids and indoctrinate them into crazy evangelical beliefs we all had routine lockdown drills even before sandy hook when shit got really fucking real how many kids have been murdered in a massacre by a fucking columbine dick sucker since then? i hope they suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer wherever tf they are

[bad-at-being-alive]

[TW: school shootings]

I started working at my little brother's high school in January. We've had three lockdown drills in that time.

Today we had to lock ourselves in with the special door stops they had installed, but my room is made almost entirely of long windows facing the hallway. I can see the side and front doors of the school from my desk.

The kids started talking about how pointless the door stops were because there was nowhere safe to hide in the room, and we are so close to the exterior doors, we would barely have time to close the doors, better yet time to run.

They kept spouting out ideas of how we could stay safe. Flipping over desks and trying the break the windows to the courtyard to run. I couldn't tell them I'd played it out a million times in my head already. That there was no way for me to protect them if any of that happen. How I was constantly terrified that my little brother sits in the closest possible seat to the school's entrance and I couldn't even get to him in time. I have a class period where there's a 100 kids in that room. There's not a damn thing I could do. I went home and ordered one of those things you use to break car windows if you end up underwater.

Me and my students are terrified every day. They're just kids. 14 years old. They shouldn't have to know that kind of fear. I'm making panicked plans to break open windows, and politicians are still shaking their heads and saying it's a senseless tragedy but there's nothing they can do.

Fuck that. Fuck them. Let them sit in a room full of children brainstorming ways to stay alive because that's a legitimate fear they all have to face up to. Let them carry the weight of knowing there's almost nothing I can do if the worst happens, because apparently my neighbor's right to own military grade weapons outweighs my students' rights to live.

They're just so young. They don't deserve to feel like this. No one does.

[study-coffee-chicago]

Graduation Speech for Change (A Halstead Brothers + Healstead Sister HC)

Trigger warning for mentions of g*n violence.

I know I said I’d never write something like this, but in light of last week’s events at Uvalde, I decided it was time for me to speak up. 

Today was your high school graduation and after all of your hard work, you had become the salutatorian. You were the second-highest in your graduating class, so you didn’t get valedictorian, but you still gave a speech. 

The opening speech. 

You had had it all planned out and practically memorized, but then another school shooting happened. 

You didn’t know what to do to help. Nothing had changed in years despite marches and social media postings and protests (which, you only did the social media posts because Jay and Will wouldn’t let you go to a march or protest, citing that they were too dangerous. 

Now, you were in the prime spot to say something, to inspire change. 

And if you didn’t do it now, who knows if you’d ever get another opportunity like this.

***

Half an hour later, your heart was hammering as you ascended the stage and then stood at the podium. You took a deep breath before moving closer to the microphone. 

You hoped Jay and Will wouldn’t be mad.

You could always use the excuse that Jay fought for this country and the freedom of speech in it and you were using that freedom of speech to try and make your country a safer and better place. Yeah, that might work. At the least, it would make Will side with you and then it would be two against one and Jay would be outnumbered. 

“Hi everyone and thank you for coming tonight,” you said, saying the beginning of the speech as you had planned it. You didn’t want to chicken out and say more of your previously-written speech, so you jumped right in. “I had a speech written, but after the events of last week, I can’t stay silent about this topic anymore. 

“I remember my first lockdown drill in kindergarten. We hid by the bookshelves that contained orange buckets with children’s books. And, I thought it was fun, like a little game of hide-and-seek. My teacher told me to stop talking to her, but I actually still liked lockdown drills. They always told us when they were going to happen, so I was never scared.

“And then they stopped telling us when they were going to happen; not even our teachers knew if the lockdown was real or not. Then, during our eighth-grade year, there was a bomb threat made to the school. Stand up if you were at a sports practice or after-school club when this happened and had to hide out in classrooms or the gym or the bathrooms.” About thirty of your peers stood up. And you paused for a dramatic effect and looked around. “Alright, you guys can sit down now.

“After that day, I was always scared that it would be a real lockdown and something would happen to us. I specifically remember leaving my phone on the desk that same year, in eighth grade and being in science class, and having to go to the lab to hide under the lab tables during a lockdown. I didn’t know if it was real or not. My phone was in the other room. Would I be able to text my family and tell them that I loved them one last time? Would being shot hurt? Would it be fast? Would it feel like my entire body was on fire?”

You saw the principal give a nod to someone and knew you had to make the rest of this fast. “If you’ve ever felt that way during a lockdown drill, please stand up.” Almost every single person in your graduating class stood up. “This. This is why we need change! We need thorough background checks, a waiting period to get a gun, mandatory training, no permitless carries, and we need to ban assault rifles. We don’t need to add more resource officers to our schools or add more locks on the doors or make students carry around bulletproof backpacks. The time for change is now! There’s an entire generation of kids who are scared to go to school because the government cares more about guns than the lives of innocent children–”

“Alright, that’s enough,” a police officer, who you had seen around campus a few times said. “Please come with me.”

Jay taught you to never disobey a cop and to shut up and ask for a lawyer first thing. So, you said it into the microphone. That way, you’d have tons of witnesses. 

“Okay, but I want a lawyer.”

That got a laugh from some people and then you walked down the other side of the stage where another officer walked in front of you and led you out of the stadium while the other one stayed behind you to make sure you didn’t run off. You walked with your head held high and your fellow students chanting your name. 

Let them put you in cuffs. Let them see how that would work for them with all the phones out recording this. 

Once you were out of the stadium you put your hands out. 

“We’re not cuffing you,” one officer said. “We were just asked to escort you out of the stadium and watch over you until the ceremony’s over. Now, if you try and go back in there, then it’s a different story.”

You nodded and stayed silent. After all, anything you said could be held against you in a court of law. 

“Y/N!”

Oh no. Here come your brothers. Your head whipped around and you saw your brothers.

“Jay Halstead, Intelligence,” Jay said and lifted up his shirt slightly to reveal his badge. “Badge number 51163. I would like to know why you escorted my sister off the premises?”

Basically, he was trying to ask if there would be charges pressed against you. 

“It could escalate and she could disturb the peace. We were told to bring her out here until after the ceremony so she can collect her diploma or she can leave now and get the diploma mailed to her.”

“That’s it?” Jay asked. 

The officer nodded. 

“Your choice, Y/N,” Will told you. 

“Let’s go home,” you said. “There’s always college graduation.”

So, you left. 

***

“I cannot believe you!” Jay yelled on the car ride home. 

“Jay,” Will cautioned. 

“If someone started agreeing with you and a riot broke out, then you could be charged with inciting a riot, Y/N!”

“Well, luckily that didn’t happen. And, you of all people should be agreeing with me. You see this shit every day! And you see all the gunshot wounds, Will!”

“We do agree with you,” Will said. “It’s just, maybe graduation wasn’t the place to do that.”

“And where else would I do it then, huh? You two won’t even let me go to a march or protest!”

Jay sighed. “Listen, we’re sorry we wouldn’t let you go. But, you should’ve at least told me.”

“Why? So you could try and stop me?”

“No, so I could bring Voight with me as a scare tactic.”

You smiled. “Hey, that probably would’ve worked.”

Then, Jay’s phone started blowing up…and then Will’s…and then you turned yours on since it was off from the ceremony.

You were getting texts from friends, classmates, and from Jay and Will’s friends and coworkers.

“It’s been thirty minutes and you’ve already made it on the news,” Will said.

“Oh, God,” Jay groaned. “I’m never gonna hear the end of this at work tomorrow.”

“But, it might help change things,” you began. “And that means it’s all worth it.”

[mariacallous]

one phenomenon of coverage of school shooting these days that I don't understand is all this "lockdown generation" style coverage that frames it as if this all is so totally new "what is it doing to our kids?!?" and like I think thats fair, but also I'm in my 30s now and I did active shooter drills at school, my older siblings now 38 and 41 did active shooter drills. I remember we never took them very seriously because well... we didn't believe it'd keep us safe, what they're gonna believe we're not here at 10:45 on a Thursday because we closed the door and turned off the light? that door with a MASSIVE window that takes up the upper 3rd of the door is gonna keep any one out who wants to come in? I remember telling a teacher who's ground floor class room had windows facing the narrow staff parking lot and a wooded area past that, if I heard shots I was going right out that window, she told me I wasn't allowed.... any ways we all joked after a drill that if there was ever a shooter, they'd do it between classes, when we were packed in shoulder to shoulder chest to back in the main hall that ran the whole length of the school, it would have been a shooting gallery.

idk maybe I'm old and bitter or whatever, but like that happened to me, to us, and it feels like we're only ringing our hands about kids today, acting like this is new and only about 5 years old as if Students having been doing active shooter drills in America and thinking about where the exits are and what their real plan is since 1998.

I mean, part of the reason is that it's gotten steadily worse, and gun control laws have either lapsed or been overturned, and gun availability and manufacturing has steadily increased - that's why it's become more of a topic and more of a feature of American life. It's like abortion restrictions or anti-trans legislation and crimes.

It's not that no one cared until now, but it's never been as bad as it is now.

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

My partner teaches second grade and they've had lock down drills the past two days. Yesterday it was announced as being a drill, but today the kids weren't told it wasn't a drill. One of her students was in the bathroom when the announcement went off and another student in class worriedly asked about her missing friend. My partner assured her that her friend was ok and that this was just practice and she replied "oh good. I thought I lost my best friend"

Fucking second grader worried that her best friend is dead because school shootings have become just a standard part of American schools.

And it brings back memories of the drills I went through (well, one in particular) and count myself lucky that at least for me the lockdown drills didn't start until middle school.

Discussion of that particular drill below the cut. TW: school shootings, child death (all in the context of drills)

When I was in eighth grade my school held a lockdown drill, but this time they were involving the local fire department, ambulance, police, etc. And to do so they decided to paint up students with fake wounds and have them pretend to be injured. But they didn't ensure all the students knew it was a drill beforehand.

It started with the sounds of gunshots and announcements to initiate lockdown. After remaining in lockdown awhile, we were led out of the school past students crumpled in hallways and stairwells. I remember fog but I'm not sure if that's just the haziness of my memories. We were led away from the school and walked a couple blocks to town hall.

And, like, the fuck?! Why was that ever allowed to happen?? (Probably bc it was 2 years after 9/11 and 4 years after columbine).

But yeah. I don't know how to wrap this up but I needed to get this out

[disastergay]

since the recent tragedy in texas has rubbed salt in some old wounds, I'm going tell you a little about my own personal experience as someone growing up in the U.S. under the threat of school shootings.

you can scroll past this post if you want, I won't judge.

when I was in 7th grade, the sandy hook shooting happened.

I vividly remember that the first thing I did when I went to school the next day was spend lunch, recess, and any time I had between classes going around to classrooms to take inventory. by the end of the day, I had a list of all the things in each of my teachers' classrooms that I could use as a weapon--a last resort to disorient, injure, or kill an armed intruder.

some were obvious, like scissors and sports equipment. others were more innocuous, like thumbtacks, paperclips, and staplers. I left no stone unturned, because when you're a kid and you know that your life might be on the line at any moment, you consider every and any possibility. I had tumblr back then, and on my old (deactivated) blog shared a list of all these objects, as well as ways to turn them into potentially lethal weapons against a grown man, thinking it could make the difference between life and death for at least one other kid on tumblr.

I was terrified of getting shot by a school shooter, but I didn't want to kill anyone in self defense--not even somebody who would kill me in a heartbeat if given the chance. but I told myself that I couldn't afford to hesitate--I would have to either fight back with lethal force or just die.

imagine with me:

you are 13 years old. this morning, you woke up to the news that 20 elementary schoolers have been brutally slaughtered in their classroom. nobody wants to say it, but you're smart enough to realize what this means--

there's no guarantee that, even if you do everything right, you'll live to see graduation

the odds that you will survive a direct confrontation with an active shooter are slim to none

those odds decrease even further if you're a) not a fast runner and b) not willing to kill somebody in self-defense

it fucks with your head. depending on what kind of person you are, you might live in denial, make peace with your inevitable death, or work to mold yourself into a child soldier.

but there's one thing me and my classmates all had in common--we accepted that this was our new reality, and it wasn't going to change. the out of touch adults were too busy blaming everything on mental illness, and our teachers were tasked with planning inefficient lockdown drills, there was never any room for actual policy changes that might increase the odds of our survival.

back when I was too young to understand that this wasn't happening in almost any other country, I used to think we were trapped in a nightmare. now I know better--we live in hell.

maybe one day that will change, but not today. and not tomorrow. and probably not this year, either. if you're not american or don't live here, please try to understand the gravity of the situation. outsiders weaponizing school shootings against us as proof that we're a "lesser example of the human species" or "deserve to be nuked off the planet" is unwarranted, cruel, and sadly very common.

so please... if you don't have any sympathy for us, just leave us alone to grieve.