#my joints are all sore
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the urge to hand craft my own mattress
#im tired of these dumb mattresses#especially dorm mattress who ive known for less than 1 week#i just need a bunch of cotton and wool#goodness#my joints are all sore#i am exhaust#from the rat themself
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has anyone used finger braces/ring splints for hyperextension (or hypermobility in general)? i've casually looked into them before but as of this week i've just about had it and i think need to get serious, so i'm curious what other people's experiences have been or if anyone's got recommendations/tips/whatever
#all of my joints are Bad but i think i've reached my limit with my right hand pinky finger lol#which i know seems random but it's my shift/enter finger when typing and the top knuckle collapses when i press the keys#so it gets pretty sore and irritated when i'm typing a lot (i.e. every day lately)#but that specific joint also means sizing might be a challenge :/
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me: I'm not chronically ill I just go through phases where mysteriously I have bad symptoms every day that worsen dramatically whenever I try to go out of the house or do anything remotely strenuous and on days when I feel normal I never know when it's going to start happening again
#currently recovering from a saturday mirning shopping trip. i was out like an hour. thats it. and now im overhot and my stomach hurts and im#shaking. in addition to the nightly burning hives that mean i dont sleep well and wake up with all my joints sore in the morning
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I have Words to Say about disabled characters in Proseka but I'm especially kind of... Eeh about Saki, because of how perfect she is.
I've talked about this before but Saki is just not allowed, by the narrative, to be flawed. We have some very, very brief moments of anger or lashing out from her (NSNF, Doll Festival in particular), but aside from that Saki is just... So cliché and surface-level regarding her disability. That especially reflects in how the writers handled her relationship with Leo/need.
Yes, she is not angry at her friends for, let's call it what it was, abandoning her (besides Ichika). She is not upset with them or feels betrayed by them. She just forgives them for doing that because she's a good friend and that kind of person, to not dwell on the past and just look forward. She's only really upset at her illness, rate, and herself.
Do you know how shitty of a story that is to sell to disabled people? Oh look, this character suffered a lot and then their friends just stopped visiting them at some point! But no big deal though, they're all good! She doesn't hold a grudge against them so it's actually totally understandable and fine and you should look up to that attitude.
Sure, Saki isn't upset with Honami and Shiho. My point is that she fucking should be. I know their reasons and I don't care about them; what they did is shitty and I hate how the story just moved on from that and we never confront that again and probably won't. Why the hell not? It would make for an interesting conflict and story. It would make Saki an absolutely stunning character, and reflect many of our struggles with loving and caring for people that don't understand us and don't stand with us. Why do we have a story we do now, where Shiho and Honami's fuck up only bothers them but not the person they hurt?
Oh wait, I know the answer: because god forbid disabled characters be anything than inspiration porn.
#jay rambles.txt#jay pjsk critical.txt#Souma actually suffers from the same issue#but less than Saki to an extent. he feels so much more realistic to me#and I want to say this: Shiho and Saki are my favourite Leo/need characters. I'm not being a hater for the sake of it#but they're still not real people. they are vessels to sell a story and tell a narrative and I'm fully within my rights#to criticise said narrative and story and how it portrays (or doesn't) some things#I appreciate all ooc Saki writers because honestly sometimes it makes more sense for her be ooc in the right direction#Saki is just not good disability representation. she is - at best - there for diversity points#in other words: I'm bitter because my joints hurt today and someone touched my sore spot with pjsk lol
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(horrible) hole (deadly trap) I put my foot (rolled my ankle) (didn't see it) into (splashed myself against the floor) (faceplanted in front of a room of teenagers)
#I would not have survived in vietnam#they would have gotten my ass so hard#anyway now every joint I have hurts#but it's the kind of thing where you have to pretend to be totally okay because the class teacher was right there freaking out#and I'm not hurt at all#but letting on to the fact that I'm even a little sore would have escalated things to a state of hysteria that wasn't warranted#and would have made a big huge fuss#I made a joke about how now that I've faceplanted in front of them they should all feel comfortable in front of me#and that seemed to go over well#but I'm going to hurt like a son of a bitch tomorrow for real#need a new work tag#herr professor sachermorte#there we go#subject to change obviously
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Pros of getting my COVID booster:
Immunity boost! Yay!
Cons of getting my COVID booster:
Feel like absolute shit for 24-48hrs after
#our little lives don't count at all!#I've already showered twice in the last 12hrs because I was so feverish I couldn't stop shivering from cold and blankets weren't enough#then the intense headache and achey eyes and soreness and joint pain and chest constriction and and and#my reaction to the boosters always makes me think I'm one of the people who would NOT do well with COVID without the booster though#so I'm thankful for it even though I wanna stick my head into a black hole#gods and the BOREDOM that comes with being unable to do almost anything from feeling so awful...
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what cool decor do yous think ashton would put on crutches ? (asking for a art wip . its him and cad being like . cool mobility aid. at eachother lol)
#ik like spikes. . .. but . i wannae crowdsource ideas .#kiddo say#the thought of them interacting is so funny 2 me but#i like th idea of them being like . oh sore all the time solidarity. but ash is like migraines and irritable and just. ow weird nerve pain#and stuff . and cads like .ow my joints. ow my stomach. anyway..... uh. gets dizzy. passes out . and also he will sleep for 14 hours#AND still be fucking sleepy.#yknow what i realised recently . idk what th deal is but when i get sensory overloaded i think its wha t causes this crazy fatigue +#dizziness .. .... idk if theres something else going on and it jus aligns with blood sugar dropping#but im p sure its connected .#i dont understand my own body ngl so maybe this is just how being low on spoons is .. .....
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It's my birthday today, and I'm now as old as kita shinsuke in the timeskip! 🥳
#wasn't sure if i wanted to celebrate here but KABU CAME HOME in my 4th multi pull and the world HAVE to know!!! ❤️🔥#legit shook my mom's shoulders in the middle of a jbbq spot because i didn't expect to pull him this early in a pokefair scout 😭💖#also! peek my hbslv photocards from 42yojin on the bird app 🤩💝 they came earlier this month and i gotta flex that here waughhhh 🥺🫶#anyway: here's to another year hoping that i can be somewhat healthy! i sure hope this month's medicine dosage works haha :')#and for whatever shitshow awaits me when i start school again in sept. nawt sure how i'm gonna wing it with my condition but 🤷♀️#that will be a problem i'll deal when i get there. thankfully i've been getting better at nawttt borrowing grief and anxiety from the futur#here's to hoping i can also live the ちゃんとやんえん way like kitasang does... i need have just half of his resilience to organize my life lmao 😭#but i'm grateful to have lived long enough to see the beauty in life 🥺🫶 met all kinds of amazing people and had tons of fun too!#also i went out today for ~3 hours 🥳🥂 my joints are sore as hell but i had fun + looked and felt pretty + bought a new jacket as my gift#most importantly KABU-SAN CAME HOME RRRRRAAAAHHHH ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 燃えろおおおおおおお！！！！！#LAST WISH but here's to hoping my exhaustion + stress from may disappears soon 😭🤚 i miss writing and i think it's interfering my writing#i hope you all have a great day ahead!!! 🫂💖 and kabu + larry comes home soon if you pull for them!!! 🥺🍀#personal
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Wtf, even just browsing job sites / listings / descriptions is enough to make me nauseous with anxiety and depression. When, why, and how did I ever become such a useless and pathetic mess?
#not trek#personal log#unemployment#unemployed#my therapist wanted me simply to Look and see what's out there but omg i've spent 90 minutes and want to tear all the skin off my bones#i can't handle anything that involves phone/video calls‚ customer service�� relocating‚ teaching‚ or early mornings#trying to look for remote work because she said there's lots available now and yet everything i've seen still seems beyond my capacity#eventually my parents will die. and while i doubt my brother will want their house (so i'll inherit it) i won't last long without an income#i can't take care of myself and it horrifies me#and i know i'll never have a spouse to help me or depend on so once my folks are gone i will be completely on my own#but i don't know how to do the most basic damn things i can't cook can't work a standard 9-5 can't even make phone calls#how the fuck am i ever going to make it?#(i know. i won't‚ that's how.)#i'm in literal all-over physical pain over this‚ headache nausea sore joints sobbing just waiting to see how long i can go without c*tting#prayers appreciated‚ i genuinely don't know what i'm supposed to do#depression#anxiety#depressive episode#my life is an exercise in absurdity shame futility and more shame#self loathing#self pity#pantophobia#spiralling#if you're reading this i am so sorry in so many ways 😣#forever alone#heartsick#soul sick#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu#early morning thoughts
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wish it was easier to deal with robot dysphoria
#i judt want all my limbs to be made out of metal and to have pinching points in the joints and to go kachunk and wrrrrr and such things#is that so hard...#only thing that gives me good robot euphoria is getting good cracks out of my bones#but now i do that so much that it leaves my neck and finger muscles sore most of the time#life is so hard :(
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started taking 600mg ibuprofen instead of 400mg for my cramps. im already building a tolerance to it 🙃🙃🙃
#the first couple months i tried it were great!#it completely took away my cramps--and for more than 3-4 hours!#but now. ive taken 2 (over the past like. 12 hours) and my breakthrough cramps feel just as bad as my unmedicated ones on a good cycle#i wish i cld go to the dr and ask for pain meds w/o having to worry that ill get flagged/labelled a “drug seeker”#i shld just do it anyway#theyre *so bad* this cycle#like doubled over moaning in pain bad#cant talk cant pay attention cant think bad#its that thing where youre in so much pain your entire focus narrows down to just the pain itself#thats all you can think abt#just. waiting out the wave#waiting for it to end#and thats on *top* of my back/joint pain + general body soreness#/sigh#being in pain sucks man#cldnt sleep at all last night and kinda doubt ill be able to tonight either#oh well
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pulled the trigger on a standing desk today and i'll be picking up a walking pad soon as well. i am trying not to think about how much both of those things cost
i think insurance should cover shit like this, considering my only other option is pain and subluxed ribs from shrimping so hard to keep the weight off of my hips
#vaille#i hate how much it costs to be disabled!!!#it's very funny how i went from unable to walk at all to walking being the state in which i am in the least pain#30k steps at evo felt like heaven other than the calf cramps and sore feet#i get home and suddenly all my joints hurt again because i'm not walking much anymore
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i wanna watch pd so fucking baddd but im going 2 the rink again tonight (blacklight skate night n my ma wants to come :-) & then tomorrow im gonna be in kc n out all day... aahhhhhhh.
#not gonna skate a ton tonight bc as before mentioned im sore as FUCK and all my joints dislike me. so maybe hopefully i wont be too tired 2#watch more when i get home..... fingers crossed...!!!!#txt
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pain has been very unbearable today 🥲
#all of my joints have been so sore and my left arms been really bad in particular today ..#very bad today
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i need to take a break from scrolling i’m gonna go draw hang on i’ll be back
#embarrassing problem but lately the way i hold my phone has been making my hand sieze up#so i have to take breaks and do other activities otherwise all the joints get unbearably sore and tender#the posters curse.
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jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore
#I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST LEAVING IT THIS YEAR SINCE IT WAS SO LATE. FUCK THE GRASS IT'S SHITTY GRASS#it's almost xmas why did you not rake the yard while i was um. not around#IT SUCKS OKAY. I"M NOT A TEAM PLAYER#ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND MANDATORY POINTLESS YARDWORK#it hurts my back and my joints and it takes me forever and it's always stupid bright outside and i hate kicking the rakes and it's never#good enough because if i'm raking the yard it should be perfect right?? it always turns into a 3 day thing and the yard isn't even that big#we just all suck at it except for my dad so he spends the whole time being like well why don't you just do it this way. dad i CANT that's#why i'm doing it my way. it's shittier but it's Possible and yours is not. bruhgh i hate raking the yard sorry that's all#i am feeble and sore and i hate moving please don't make me do this#he's like why do you sit on the ground to scrape the leaves into the bags girl what else do you want me to do. i can barely do the dishes#without sitting sometimes and you want me to rake for 6 hours??? what?????#look i know this is mostly trivial but it sucks okay. fuck my stupid baka life#i have been exactly this bitter about such chores my whole life and im not stopping now. i hate being made to do stuff on a whim that hurts#me for an entire day when i wasn't expecting it okay. i feel like that's a normal response adults are allowed to have even though children#are not. something something children's autonomy etc#and honestly i just hate being in my yard doing manual labor in full view. you should not be able to see me moving around what ew gross#(<- super weird about being perceived doing anything physical) (<- hates being seen moving awkwardly and so anything but small practiced#movements are just. agh. unless they're silly and i can make them smoother but like exertion? No. oh my god i hate that)#shit like oh i don't wanna put a bra on bc that's uncomfy but what if my neighbors ogle me while they drive past i don't want that#just some gangly twink failing a basic task in the clumsiest way possible and fucking all their joints at the same time. sucks. hate#(<- man i don't even feel right EATING around people for the most part like. you want me to RAKE?? movement is a performance and you put me#up there with no rehearsal no script nothing just the wikipedia page for hamlet. i can't do this all of a sudden. what. what)#(<- i just. waughhUAGHH i hate it so so much i don't like it okay. for reasons that are yet to be diagnosed)#(<- no body language is natural to me so it must be practiced to feel natural AND YOURE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. IT FEELS WEIRD)#aughh. if i had the leaves on a table and a chair or something i'd be better. not great but better. but all the bending over and crouching#and scooping and getting leaves under my gloves and the scary scuttly bugs and scraping myself on the branches mixed in on accident i just#do not like it. gross#ugh at least now i have wireless earbuds. used to yank out my corded ones with the rakes pretty regularly and Oh Boy Did That Not Improve M#Situation There like. whewwww#and my dad's always like hey i know we're starting late (it's past noon here) but ummm i'd really appreciate it if we could really push
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