#my impulsive self has thoughts about this.....

[froldgapp]

All of this, and I'd like to add that Tim has a very strong sense of what I'll call "moral object permanence." He very seldom (almost never) makes bad calls on the fly, and when he does make "bad" calls, we see him, on page, add it to the accounting book for what that means going forward.

This is probably what makes Steph such a good foil for him too.

Meaning, he seems very aware of his own lifespan going forward and what X transgression would mean for him. He isn't a hot head. He is a strategist. And I mean a strategist both in how he interacts with the world and also how he is about himself, internally. Even his worst or most disillusioned calls (e.g. end of Robin run when he tells Dick he can't trust anyone), he makes them with a very cold, self-knowing demeanour. He is thinking more than feeling most decisions most of the time. Even when he quits Robin, he does so because he plays out the scenario of Jack outing Bruce as Batman. He does not allow himself what he sees as the indulgences of impulse (no Bart pun intended)*. This is my reading from my original journey through his run when I first started reading in 2019, and when I've been dipping back in and out for fic research of late.

If anyone has further insights on this though, I'd be curious to hear your thoughts. .* whether or not Tim is aware that this is what he is doing, is another question.

Thinking about Tim’s morality, what always gets to me is that Tim clearly developed it on his own, within his own rules of ethics, because we know how often Tim worked without Bruce or Dick from the very first stories.

Tim saw a problem with Bruce and sought out Dick to help.

Tim’s next story with Dick involves Tim showing up on Dick’s doorstep and claiming Bruce told him to learn how to be a Robin from Dick (which seems…dubious, given the rockiness of Dick and Bruce’s relationship at that stage).

After Tim received his costume and before his proper ‘first patrol’, Tim was on his own in Paris, having to make decisions on who to trust and listen to between Lynx, Clyde Rawlins, Lady Shiva, Edmund Dorrance and Henri Ducard.

Tim went out to track down Joker because he’d broken out and Bruce wasn’t available because he was overseas at the time. Against the advice of Alfred. While being a tiny Robin.

Tim chose to work with Helena and Steph and Lonnie and JPV and Selina, even when Bruce told him not to, even when he was hiding working with them from Bruce. And when they worked with him, Tim was very clear on what his ethical framework looked like and most of the time those he was working with compromised to follow Tim’s views on killing. But also - Tim was the one choosing to work with them, showing flexibility in comparison to how Bruce would have preferred him to act.

Tim was set by Bruce to teach Jean-Paul Valley how to be a vigilante in Gotham, when he was 14 years old and had only been a vigilante for a couple of months in universe. He didn’t have Bruce backing him up (because Bruce was firstly busy and then recovering overseas from serious injury). He didn’t really have Alfred (who was focused on Bruce). He didn’t have Dick (because Dick’s life was similarly in the end stages of falling apart in New York). He had himself and his wits and what assistance Harold could give him, trying to show JPV how they worked and then later trying to rein in JPV after being punched in the face and Azbats going off the rails.

His ethics can’t be following someone else’s cues (the ‘list on the fridge from Bruce’ joke) because Tim had to work it all out for himself with Bruce barely around and often not focused on him. He didn’t have a Batfam around him when he was starting out until he built one.

His ethics can’t be ‘two seconds from killing’ because if Tim needed to be restrained from killing, that would have become noticeable back when he was working with Lady Shiva and Henri Ducard. Before he even really was Robin.

If Tim was dogmatic and unable to compromise and hung up on the rules being the rules, he would never have teamed up with Steph and Shiva and Helena and Selina, all people he got into trouble for working with.

It’s just such a misreading of Tim’s fundamental character and how he built his own moral code and decided what was important to him largely independently of anyone else. Tim doesn’t kill, and one of the fundamental reasons he doesn’t is because he chose not to and he sees it as a line too far.

He worked that out on his own.

[h-sleepingirl]

Dolly in the Art Gallery: A Charmed 2025 Scene Log/Recap

“Art is how we decorate space, and music is how we decorate time.”

I first heard this Jean-Michel Basquiat quote in a rope class from Barkas, in the context of how we play within both space and time in a kink scene. I think about it frequently, especially as I feel more and more passionately about the brutally human impulse to create art.

I have been coming to hypnosis events since 2013, before Charmed existed -- my first event was packed with my own manic energy, held in a dungeon where people could hypnotize me basically at will. No hotel staff, no sneaking back to a private room. I developed a reputation as an aesthetically pleasing subject, often put on display in subtle and overt ways.

I have grown up in this community. Essentially my entire adult life has been spent involved in going to events and cons. I'm 33 now, and as Charmed celebrates its 10th year I've perhaps been unconsciously influenced to reflect on myself aging.

I feel so much older than that 21 year old exhibitionist. I'm more reserved, quieter, more selective, and certainly smarter. I like who I'm becoming, but I do miss parts of who I used to be -- that confidence, that energy. 

On Friday evening I looked at the schedule and saw there was going to be a Gallery of Living Art -- it's been a staple at Charmed for a number of years, but I'd never done more than peek inside.

I thought to myself: “Why not try to get in touch with that playful younger self? Why not show everyone who I am nowadays? Why not live out a fantasy?” 

Surely I’m not too old. Surely I haven’t grown out of this.

The time comes and I connect with my partner about it. He knows that one of my absolute favorite things is being totally frozen. We decide against anything complicated. No one will touch me or trigger me or anything like that. It’s the most “negotiating” we've maybe ever done, but I still leave all details to him. I tell him: “I was really just thinking this is an opportunity for me to sit blank and still for a long time.”

We walk into the room, and it’s overwhelming. People are setting up intricate exhibits with lots of creative interactions. There is a sheet we need to fill out to describe what our “art” is, which my partner writes on cryptically.

“Dolly can't talk. Duh…”

“Dolly is precious -- don't touch!”

Under “Artist”, where he is meant to put his name, he writes a question mark.

I am so in love with him, watching his mind work on the spot.

We find a place in the loud room and look at each other. We are a fluid force of nature in a bed together, spontaneous and wild. This planning doesn't feel like us. This hypnosis isn't a formality, per se, but it just feels sort of like “We both know how this is going to end on some level -- so how do we spend this time?”

He gingerly removes my name tag and starts murmuring to me. 

Being a dolly is such a luxurious treat that the moment he suggests it, I crumble, gripping his shirt with my weak little fingers, moaning too softly to be heard by anyone but him.

He poses me. He fixes my gaze blank and forward. He lets me practice standing and sitting. This kind of rehearsal is unfamiliar for us, and I almost relish doing something that feels a little awkward.

I am a dolly when he leaves me, frozen and posed, but I know it is going to take a couple minutes to settle in. I am a dolly getting comfortable, a dolly with twinges of self-consciousness. After a couple minutes he walks me over to a different chair, one that is highlighted by empty space around it, and I sit, and I know this is truly where I am supposed to be on display.

Finally, total stillness rushes over me like pure relief. 

I sit, and I stare, and I don’t do anything else. My mind is blank, and sometimes all there is inside my head is “I’m a dolly, I’m a dolly,” in my little dolly voice. It is pure, simple bliss.

People begin to come up to me to look at me. I am a good dolly and I am silent and I do not move even my eyes. They patiently read my sign and then observe me. I cannot change my body position to be any more or less appealing to them, I cannot hide nor flaunt myself.

Some people say things to me, little compliments and appreciations, and I can’t really process their words. The little dolly voice in my head screams in pleasure when I’m spoken to and given attention.

I have ADHD, I’m addicted to my phone, I’m a fidgeter. But there is nothing that carries the unique pleasure of being frozen and still. It reminds me of Quaker meetings, of spiritual silence and meditation that makes one feel time itself as though it has a sensory texture.

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel talks about the Jewish sabbath as proof that it is not intuitive for us to sanctify time. But nevertheless as Jews we must learn to do it to make shabbat holy every week. Shabbat is “a cathedral in time,” he says, and I’ve been thinking about how much that applies to my experience of hypnosis. Hypnosis is not a physical object. We may sometimes have props but we cannot touch trance and it leaves no marks. It is time that is the sacred dimension in hypnosis, the time that we set aside (“kadosh” in Hebrew) with another human being.

Heschel says we are slaves to space and material things. And in this moment I feel like I have gotten as close as I can to releasing that. I am not even moving my physical body within the physical world. I am just relishing each passing second of stillness, building my cathedral in time.

Of course, sometimes I think sacred space and objects are very important. After all, I am in a space that is incredibly rare, that only exists very briefly, that I had to travel at length to get to.

And I am an object -- art -- inside of it. I am literally decorating the space, as Basquiat would say.

Am I thinking all of this as I sit there motionless? No, not with any sophistication. I truly feel blank. But I am feeling flashes of this as abstract mental sensations that I will untangle later.

Something else strikes me very quickly that I observe within. When people walk up to look at me, something inside me tenses up. I realize that I am unconsciously preparing myself to talk to them. I have been coming to cons for so long, and especially since beginning to write books I always meet a ton of new people every year who come up to me to talk, which I adore. But right now I am in a space where I literally cannot have a conversation with anyone. I don’t even have my nametag on anymore -- my partner was so clever to remove it.

It is the opposite of vending books, where I sit in a chair and am helpless in the sense that I must engage in conversation with the people who come up to meet me. Now, I literally cannot talk to anyone, and they cannot talk to me, and most people may not even know who I am.

It is a hit of extreme objectification, more real than it has ever felt. I am not sleepingirl -- I am a dolly. “Who” I am doesn’t matter. I am art.

My partner also is not sitting there receiving compliments for me. He is nearby, in eyesight, just watching. But he’s anonymous too. And there is something about this mutual anonymity that makes me feel even prouder about us as a couple. There is no performance of who we are. I don’t know how to describe it, but obviously it feels more authentic than public play usually ever does. Like a little secret we are sharing a corner of.

And he looks ever the artist, sitting back and watching me. I feel very strongly that this little scene isn’t the art -- it’s me. Our relationship is what’s really on display. All the work he’s done over 7 years of brainwashing me, real work on my personality and identity, my wardrobe, every single way I express myself and who I am. The people coming by are seeing his bimbo, his dolly, his [x] -- without necessarily knowing who either of us are.

The rhythm is addicting. My mind babbles my self-given dolly mantra over and over, I luxuriate in the stillness, and I stare. I only can sort of half-see with darkened vision, though my eyes are wide. I love when people notice me sitting there -- their expressions change as they observe me. They step into my metaphorical space, which is eerily silent compared to the revelry of the creative demonstrations that fill the room. They are no longer “being entertained,” and no one can communicate to them what I am doing -- they must engage with me out of their own curiosity.

Sometimes they decide to talk to me. I can’t process most of it, but I remember a few interactions.

Someone says, “What an excellent dolly.”

Someone else notices that I’m wearing a bracelet that says “bimbo,” and says, “Even the details on this one are exquisite.”

Someone else says, “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen sleepingirl play before.”

That last one hits me in the gut with memories of a time now long past: Play in public spaces was universal at cons; I couldn’t move from one place to another without someone dropping me into trance; absolutely everyone knew what I looked like when hypnotized.

Even now as I am on display, I have a mask on, and the people can’t see my gently parted lips.

It is a rush of emotion that is very complex for my simple little dolly head, but it goes away.

For a long while, I just exist as a thing in bliss while the room -- the whole world -- bubbles with activity around me. 

Eventually even as I sit frozen and blank, a little timer starts ticking in my head -- I could sit here for much longer, but I don’t want to make him wait for me, and I have other things I want to do tonight.

Reading Heschel has been helping me release some of that odd panic that bubbles up when I awaken from trance -- the feeling that magic is slipping through my fingers, memories are slipping out of my mind, and I can take no memento from it. I sometimes write, draw, or make music to try to capture the things I feel in hypnosis with my partner. I think it is from that impulse to be able to touch and hold hypnosis, to make it a “thing” in space as opposed to something of time.

But I do think there is something else, just a human drive to create art about this transcendent experience that we engage in together. I need to create art to try to communicate the perfect way I don’t move and my eyes go glassy. I need to express my emotions, my desires, my dreams, my love. I am only human, a human blown away by this very human thing we do that we call hypnosis.

Only my partner sees it, and he does see so much into the soul of it for me. But this is exactly what I have wanted -- a chance to publicly communicate the beauty of what he and I do. To make this art by performing it, living it. To engage in a human act of creativity by having my humanity stripped away from me.

I am a bimbo, a dolly, I am art -- and that doesn’t go away when I get up to tell him I am done sitting here. I am his art. I am a manifestation of his creativity in this world, and he has a beautifully creative mind which I love so dearly.

This is serious for me, this is real for me, this is so highly personal and jealously guarded as my own precious identity.

Ten years ago I laid my head on his lap and he transformed my eyes into dolly eyes and told me that someday he would turn my whole body into a dolly body. And as we laid together in a bed after the Gallery on Friday he talked about how I had those dolly eyes again in that room. But to me, it’s not about being a dolly, or even being a bimbo. It’s about creating art together, art with a power imbalance. And fucking respecting that as sacred and exciting.

I don’t have much else to say except extreme heartfelt gratitude to Mazirian for running the Gallery, and everyone who came by to look at me and said nice things to me and joined me in my world for just a little while. 

(If you’re curious, I was sitting there for about 30 minutes.)

[gtwscratch]

Wanted to share some of my headcanons about X!Impulse (and Skizz)! Ngl i meant to put these in the end notes of Demon in a Glass Box and then forgot. So uh… putting them here now!

- Impulse has a little bit of hearing loss! He has what sounds like void static in his ears from the experiments. He can still hear mostly fine, but things are a little muffled and staticky for him.

- he was also the last subject to manifest a superpower. Both his health and Skizz’s starting tanking when the experiments started, and he was on the brink of death for a while after Skizz succumbed to the testing. No one (scientists or other subjects) thought he was going to make it, but he did. Once his superpower manifested, his health stabilized and he’s no longer in any danger of keeling over and dying.

- everyone’s memories of the outside world were sealed away/erased when they were kidnapped, but Impulse got hit particularly hard by that, to the point where he forgot Skizz and his own name. Maybe it was an accident, but my angst brain thinks that it was on purpose as punishment for Skizz causing a scene when they were kidnapped. He caused so much of a scene and nearly got them caught, that in retaliation they made his best friend forget him.

- Impulse can’t teleport through glass after his powers were reduced to only being line of sight. He could at first.

- he’s very mad at himself for not being able to remember the outside world and being able to escape when his powers would’ve allowed him to. And he’s even more upset at himself for forgetting Skizz.

- ghost Skizz is just watching him spiral with all this self-blaming and is in absolute agony being unable to do anything. And he refuses to leave even for a minute, forcing himself to watch Impulse go through all the testing because he’s got no one else. Even though he doesn’t know Skizz is there. He also always responds whenever Impulse is talking to him. And he’s holding onto the hope that Cleo’s powers will be strong enough to bring him back as himself at least temporarily so he can talk to Impulse again.

- Impulse would absolutely have several casualties if he wasn’t restrained and sedated constantly because he is mad as hell for what they did to him and Skizz. He wants them to pay for what they’ve done. All his time in his cell is spent plotting with barely any knowledge of the compound and talking to Skizz. He’s biding his time and waiting for an opportunity and won’t let it go very easily.

I’m absolutely loving all of these! I love seeing what you guys think about the Project X characters.

I wasn’t expecting people to be as invested in Skizz and Impulse as they are. They’re going to have to have a bigger role in the story.

[slaaverin]

https://www.tumblr.com/slaaverin/774282776730025984/i-was-rewatching-the-jikook-2020-live-and-halfway?source=share

I didn't watch the live again because i know I'd not have any theory.

But since you mentioned jimin saying the call being "sudden" one thing i know about jimin is he doesn't like doing things suddenly. For example every jimin live he's done a year or two back has been planned for weeks in advance, he never goes live like impulsive thought he does things after thinking it thoroughly. despite being in maknae line jungkook and taehyung are kinda two who do things impulsively like if they feel like it they'll do it without much thinking too much the outcome like we know jungkook's all those late night lives. Jimin doesn't do that. He's very conscious of the things they say or do in front of fans so he might worry that someone will say things they shouldn't etc. That time when s/o asked him about dumpling fight he was like I'd have to talk with tae first (if i remember correctly that's what happened) because he doens't really gives too much details that shouldn't be said in front of fans. Compare the rainy day fight that jm described vs how jk described it and you'll see jm's story telling is surface level he doesn't go too much into detail whereas jk would tell with a bit more details.

As a jm biased let me say this that idol jimin is very conscious of things he presents, things he says, things he does. He doesn't like sudden things. I remember him saying to yoongi that "you can never beat me at being an idol" and that's true because idol jimin is a textbook idol. Everything perfect. He likes presenting it that way. Maybe that's why a sudden phone call made him feel a bit worried because he doesn't know what V might ask/say etc. he doens't like giving ppl reasons to talk negatively about them be it him as an individual or his friendship with any member.

I completely agree with your observations 👏🏻

Jimin is indeed very careful, level-headed, reasonable, and always thinks before doing things.

And it's perfectly understandable and yes he is a good idol.

But what can't help but sadden me a lot, is that part of the reason for it in my opinion comes from trauma.

It has not been always the case.

When he was younger, he was way more spontaneous and carefree.

I mean, people grow up of course, that's normal. But back then he had to put himself in a box, in a persona that didn't fit his true self. He got put down for who he was. There was a point where he was struggling with body image, and most likely self-esteem image. Also navigating the fact he was queer. You think of Lie, you think of Promise, Jimin told us he was having a hard time. I think he has been through a lot overall for real. He also has the habit of taking care of everyone around him, putting everyone above himself.

Not only that, Jimin got an insane amount of hate online, and since then he mostly disappeared from social media.

Being an idol had a great cost to Jimin and his journey has been far from ideal.

So the fact he feels the need to be perfect now, so careful of everything, I think it comes from fear more than anything else. Fear of being hurt again.

(Which, again, understandable.)

He grew up too fast, and gave himself many responsabilities that he still feel he needs to uphold today. He has a great sense of duty and a will to make everyone comfortable.

I think unkowingly he puts a lot of pressure on his own shoulders.

He is not the heart of BTS for nothing.

I admire his qualities, and I understand his reasons, and I want him to do what feels right.

But knowing all the hardships he has been through, and seeing the way he's trying to protect himself, you have no idea how sad it makes me.

Because he shouldn't have to. He shouldn't have to do this.

He should feel comfortable as an artist to be free and to express himself however he wishes, like Jungkook who doesn't give a fuck.

But no, Jimin cares. It's not the same and it never will be.

Because whatever Jimin does will be scrutinized, and everything will be held against him no matter what.

Jimin is the most hated member in this fandom. Also one of the most loved, weirdly.

But Jimin makes people react in such extreme ways, that if he's not careful he could unleash absolute hell upon himself.

And I find it so fucking unfair.

I don't want him to be perfect. I don't want him to try to uphold an impossible standard, all the time (how tiring that must be), I don't know, I just want him to be happy? And to be free? But is that even possible?

I don't think so given the circumstances.

I just want to hug him and tell him that none of it has been his fault and that he doesn't always have to be the responsible one.

And that makes me very glad that there is someone like Jungkook to take care of him, too. So he doesn't have to carry this incessant burden all the time. Sometimes he can drop it.

Jimin is such a beautiful and wonderful person. And it makes me so sad that he shines so much so that people feel the need to snuff that light out because it triggers them.

I hate that Jimin has suffered from it.

And I hate the consequences of that hurt which is the way he acts today.

(It's not that I hate the way he acts, I hate he had to suffer in the first place and adapt because of it)

Jimin 😭😭😭😭😭

If he can find his own path navigating things being careful and level-headed, good for him. I encourage him to do what he feels is best.

But it still sucks man idk

Why are people so mean? 😭 wouldn't it be cute if jimin allowed himself to be a bit frivolous sometimes? Unconsequential? Or at least have the freedom to choose to do so or not?

I feel like his choice has been stripped away from him and I hate it.

But I'm probably a drama queen so don't mind me lol

His last letter makes me wonder what he is thinking about his future, and him saying he wants to be more free can lead to a different approach. Time will tell.

I wish him the best 😭💜 I really love him so much and I hope he finds happiness and gets to live the way he wants to 🥺

[kaddyssammlung]

Whenever Vessel touches one of his bandmates, it looks so gentle or protecting.

I want to cuddle with this man.

I also want him to play with my hair like he did recently on stage.

The first thing that came to my mind was this year's US tour.

Vessel can be very gentle but he can also be the oppsite. I mean...idk..it looks playful and childish and he meant no harm.

But he tried to give III a lift and III lost his in-ear-monitors and also he was really mad. He flipped him of and also he kicked him away...I assume he yelled at Vessel after the show XD.

But this tour Vessel was gentle with the other bandmates and silly XD

[uchiha-gaeshi]

Fuck fuck fuck low self-esteem has ruined my life.

[cobra-creampuff]

i think a lot of people have never been in a truly desperate situation but think they have, and this causes them to pass really harsh judgment on people who made bad choices when either irrational or having no good choices to pick instead, and i really wish people could get some fucking self-perception and work on their compassion skills and not fucking do that as much anymore

[ariadondo-trackingfossils]

Bunnysuit Rosa and kid Rosa celebrating, there will be a casket with some pigs as a table.

For context, she's an amorphous quimera, had Nino at around 18-19, doesn't have contact with her family and was a SENAME kid since she was 10, never good news. Rosa dissapeared during the 27/2/2010 earthquake at 25, two years after entrusting a very young Nino to his biological father and her ex, Marcel. Aside from tax fraud and theft there is something else she's been hiding.

Nino remembers her as kind-hearted, brave and capable, but if you were to meet her that wouldn't be your first impression.

Impulsive and short-sighted with a fake bravado, due to her past she believes herself to be a bottom-of-the-barrel woman that can't do anything but one thing and jumps from man to man for a roof and resources, but unbeknownst to her there is a drive to help others and a sense of burning justice.

Rosa herself wouldn't believe it, but her son is right about her, even without a single chance granted to her by the hands of luck.

[itspileofgoodthings]

in the most concrete way yet I feel like I’m getting a handle on what my flaws and weaknesses actually are lol.

[dadbots]

August… time to get spooky.

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[orcelito]

it's like. i find my questionable self-preservation kind of chaos funny but then im faced with the reality that Yes, rubbing my wrist on poison ivy could indeed result in me getting poison ivy and there is Nothing i can do about it now other than wait and im just kinda wondering like WELL sometimes there are consequences to my actions. and im wondering if there will be this time.

if it turns out that im not immune and i do get poison ivy i will take this as a sign that i need to Stop being so flippant about my health and safety no matter How funny i think it is

if im right and im immune and nothing happens then Well. Nothing Can Stop Me.

[comicaurora]

So uhh. If you feel like talking about it. As someone who lives in the US, how are you being kind to yourself on this upsetting morning <3

Checked in with my loved ones first and foremost.

It's interesting. The vibe I've been getting from my circle is very different from 2016. Much less… dread and horror at a realignment of the understanding of what can and can't happen here, now, in this place and day and age. More "fuck, guys. again? whatever. enjoy your consequences, maybe you'll manage to learn something this time."

Frustration and anger is not the most positive feeling, or even the most fair one to express, but it is a protective one. It hurts a lot less than most alternatives.

And it's quite a shift. It was earthshattering back then. How could this have been allowed to happen? Why couldn't it be stopped? Why couldn't we stop it? Why couldn't I stop it? Why couldn't everyone see what this meant? Why couldn't I make them understand? Did they really not care? What did that mean about humanity as a whole? Were we so thoughtless? How could anyone be trusted?

It seems… much less earthshattering to see it happen twice. Disappointing, sure. Frustrating. But nowhere near as devastating as the first time I saw it unfold. We already knew it could happen. I've already had time to digest the implications. Now I'm just freshly disappointed.

It also feels less indicative of Crushing Truths Of Reality this time. We've seen shit get bad. We've also seen shit get better from here! We know both outcomes are possible, even inevitable. We know hoping for a better future is always worthwhile. This isn't the apocalypse. It's an unremarkably bad turn of events brought on by unremarkably self-centered well-documented human impulses. It's utterly mundane in its unpleasantness. It doesn't need to be dignified with despair.

A democratic election, no matter the outcome or the side we're on, makes us all acutely aware of how outnumbered we are by people whose worldviews and priorities are demonstrably incomprehensible to us. And the first time you get outnumbered, it's a shock. Defeat is haunting. It didn't matter how badly you wanted it; by the very function of democracy, you do not have the power to override greater numbers. (insert electoral college caveat here)

The second time through, I find myself focusing on a different facet that has dramatically reduced the amount of spiralling I'm doing. I don't expect this to work for everyone, but for me specifically, it helped to crystallize a few thoughts:

You don't have the power to control anyone else. You don't. You can't share your worldview and your revelations with them. You can't make them think or understand anything. You can lay it all out for them, but you can't make them listen, and you can't make it click. A mentor can't make their student learn a lesson; that's why teaching is so complicated and hard. An active choice must be made by the person to enable themselves to understand, and they must put the pieces together in their own mind before it makes sense to them, and the pieces must have been presented in a way that makes sense to them in the first place. Lead a horse to water, can't make them drink.

These elections highlight a disconnect in what different groups of people care about; and no matter how clearly you explain yourself or how passionately you perform, caring cannot be forced on someone. Understanding and connection cannot be forced. You cannot make anything or anyone matter to someone. They have to choose to see how it matters in order to internalize it. If they choose not to, that is not your failing. You couldn't have made them do it by just Explaining Better. They are not your responsibility. They make their own choices. You can't reach inside their head and connect the dots for them.

I'm a storyteller. I make stories and put them out into the world. I hope people get something good out of them, but I have no control over what that something is. I want people to be thoughtful and kind and compassionate and hopeful and see themselves reflected in stranges, no matter their differences. I can craft stories that I hope encourage this. But that is the extent of my ability and the extent of my responsibility. I control no-one's actions but my own, and so while I am not having the best day, I am at least content that I am doing what I can, and I am not shattering myself against impossibilities trying to control the things I can't.

Sometimes, people make decisions that I think are really bad. I can't make that not happen. All I can do is try to make decisions that will result in things I think are good. Today, that means checking in on people, and not assigning too much dramatic narrative weight to an ultimately mundane set of unremarkable bad decisions outside of my control. We'll take life as it comes and help each other out when and how we can. Everything else is out of our hands.

[zevranunderstander]

i wish literally anyone else except for me would in depth care about my pathfinder character and would know like. all the lore and be in the sessions BUT i still wanna do it without the Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known

[adelheidvonschicksal]

can u write about the first time ( doing that thing 😉😉😉😉😉) with lads mans? Sorry if my English bad😭

First Time w/ LND Men

Notes: sorry for the wait! Here you go <3

The first time with Zayne is impulsive.

Your relationship always played in the area of known but not said. At least you thought it was known between those periods of self-doubt when it came to waiting patiently for Zayne to return your feelings with the same amount of passion as you did.

And although your relationship should have been obvious, the desperateness and longing of the way he kisses you overtakes you until you’re too stunned to respond at first. When it finally clicks in, you’re meeting him back with an equal passion that even the god of time himself couldn’t pull apart.

It becomes a little clearer, kiss by kiss, the facade cracking along with his resolve, with each stroke of his hand clutching and roaming your body that Zayne is actually the one who needs you much more than you need him—and your mind is already racing with ways to match the indescribable sensation of his lips dancing across your neck and his cool fingers warming against the growing heat of your body.

When all the dust settles, there’s a hint of regret in him. He’d never regret being with you, but he wishes your first time was a little more patient, less rushed, and with much better ambiance. It doesn’t really matter to you because you have plenty of opportunities for more times.

The first time with Rafayel is romantic.

Rafayel goes all out because your bond is special, and he believes there’s a correct order to things. He’s also on the shier side when it comes to these sorts of things—these many firsts between the two of you, even your first kiss needed an entire garden to crown its specialness.

So, it doesn’t surprise you when the room he brings you into smells like the very same roses strewn out on the bed. It reminds you of a romance movie with dim lighting and soft music.

And, he really shouldn’t have been surprised when you laugh at the sight of it, and you’re not surprised when he seems less than pleased by your reaction. “What’s so funny?”

“No, no, it’s beautiful,” you tell him. “It’s just…isn’t this a bit much?”

Nothing is too much. You’re his only one, his little conch, his precious bride, and he wants to treat you as such. The more he kisses you, the more his purple hair and flushed skin shine with the dim flickering of candles and the more your skin smells like the rose petals that scattered across the floor as your back hits the bed, you have to agree that it’s better this way.

It’s sweet, following the fundamentals as no spot goes unmissed. And the usual banter between you melts into care, with each of you asking if the other is okay, if this is the right spot, if it feels good. And it does as each grind of your hips, each rut, each slow, deep thrust makes your heart feel like it could burst.

The first time with Xavier is passionate.

It starts slow at first, but quickly divulges into heavy petting, rush kisses on your collar, touch-starved fingers squeezing into the plush of your thighs trying more and more hurriedly to scoop as much of you in his palms as possible. It’s easy to see that he’s been holding back, still trying to hold back even with you in his grasps but Xavier quickly fails to hold in the desires that’s been building up since the first time he asked you to marry him centuries ago, since the first time he asked if he could hug you under the witness of a starry sky.

It's like he has to know you’re with him, pressing his weight into you and huffing warm breath with each heavy snap of his hips into you, his grip on your legs never lax as he holds them around his waist, pushing your knees towards you as he pulls you until you feel like you’ll melt into each other.

You’re ready to match him back though. His needy obsession with your touch makes it easy to coax him into another round, not that you had to ask. He’s so alert, and surprisingly awake as you take control. You’re bound to leave evidence of your night together all over each other’s body.

Although your first time together is fast, sloppy, and not what you were expecting for someone as chill as Xavier, it doesn’t matter in the end since the love is still there in his eyes.

The first time with Sylus is tender.

You’re not sure why you’re surprised. You thought you let go of all your initial thoughts about him—leader of Onychinus, criminal, boxer, and he surprised you every step of the way with how different he could be from what you’ve expected, so this shouldn’t have been any different.

He’s perfectly fine being in control, or letting you be in control; in fact, he seems to enjoy letting you take the reigns in this case, allowing you to have your fill at your pace even if it comes with a small bit of teasing.  

He can reassure you when you get nervous or guide you when you’re not quite sure where you want to go next. He has no problem talking you through it, be it instructing you on what he likes, exactly how much tighter to suck his cock, or just how much longer he wants you to hang on as he curls another finger into your soaking cunt.

And through every step, he looks at you with a tenderness in his eyes reserved for only those closed to him, and especially for you—that doesn’t fit the leader of a criminal faction, the motorcycle riding, black marketeering, leader of Onychinus—but it very much fits the one fate decided to tie you with.

[gray-gray-gray-gray]

Let's Talk About The Overlap Between Autism, ADHD, and Schizophrenia

I've been wanting to make a graph like this for awhile, about the overlap between these three disorders. Tagging @auschizm because it's highly related to that blog :D

Text transcribed below the cut because it's long!

Title: Can We Talk About The Overlap Between... AUTISM, ADHD, AND SCHIZOPHRENIA?

Description: You always hear people talking about AuDHD, but schizophrenia has the same if not more overlap with these disorders, and it's not talked about!

Let's start boosting schizophrenic people's voices. There's more to the disorder than just psychosis!

Graph based on my personal experience with schizophrenia, my experiences with autistic and ADHD communities, and the words of people with AuDHD themselves.

Made by @gray-gray-gray-gray on tumblr.

Schizophrenia Only

Typical age of onset between 15 and 54 years old

Before the onset/ first psychotic break, there is a "prodrome" where you have a drop in functioning

Reoccuring episodes of psychosis (Hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, etc)

Likely had less noticeable or covert symptoms pre-onset

Often daydreaming, 'in their own world', hyper-self-reflective, 'space cadet'

Autism Only

Need for familiarty & routine

Sudden disruptions to routine are highly distressing

ADHD Only

Craves new experiences & novelty

Autism & ADHD (AuDHD)

Interest-based nervous system (meaning attention & focus is activated based on personal interest, not how important something is)

Onset in very early childhood -- before age 12

Autism & Schizophrenia (Auschizm)

Self-soothing via repetitive behavior

Higher rates of catatonic symptoms

Social withdrawal or exclusion

Difficulties filtering speech

Flat affect

Alogia

Concrete and/or literal thinking

Higher rates of personality disorders, dissociative disorders, and trauma

Internally oriented behavior

Difficulties wording what they

want to say correctly & disorganized speech

Difficulties with insight into what is part of the disorder and what is neurotypial

ADHD & Schizophrenia (SchizoDHD)

Impulsivity & hard to sit still

Difficulties regulating attention & focus, also causing social cue difficulties

Difficulty keeping a daily routine

Jumping around or out of sequence speech

Forgetfulness

Failing to reach a clear end goal or point in speech

Less coherent progression from start to finish in stories

General difficulties with thinking clearly

Drawing blanks / losing train of thought often

Difficulties finding motivation to do things

Lots of energy some days, no energy other days

Troubles multitasking

Planning poorly or not at all

All Three

Stimming

Echolalia, echopraxia

Executive dysfunction

Sensory issues & overload

Emotional dysregulation

Interconnected/webbed thought

ND communication (infodumping, connecting ideas, shared interest bonding)

Increased risk of victimization

Hyperfixations

Higher rates of depression, anxiety, OCD, BFRBS, bipolar, suicidality, sleep issues, eating disorders, and substance abuse

Eye contact differences

Difficulties switching tasks

Masking

Hyperfocusing

Restlessness

Prone to boredom

Memory issues

Social situation difficulties

Time blindness

Difficulties with school, learning, and following tasks

Chronic disorder

RSD

Anhedonia

Alexithymia

Interoceptive difficulties