#and actually a more reliable way to act with true compassion is through at least some capacity for relative objectivity

[izzyspussy]

i think a lot of people have never been in a truly desperate situation but think they have, and this causes them to pass really harsh judgment on people who made bad choices when either irrational or having no good choices to pick instead, and i really wish people could get some fucking self-perception and work on their compassion skills and not fucking do that as much anymore

[serpent-of-the-silver-plumes]

would you mind talking more about bart and unreliable narration? I always hear people say unreliable narration but I've never seen any concrete examples from media I actually consume so I'd love your thoughts

Oh absolutely!! I actually wrote a thing about this a while back but then went 'this is not well written' and it got buried in my drafts, so I’m glad to have an excuse to pull that up and rewrite it. (Also sorry, this got really long.)

Basically, at one point I was listening to a podcast (Be the Serpent, ep 4), and they categorize different kinds of unreliable narrators into three types: the narrator who knows they are lying to you, the narrator who is lying to themself (and therefore you), and the narrator who is lying because they are missing some key information. I would argue that the three main pov characters of the Bartimaeus Trilogy each represent a different type of these unreliable narrators.

Going in backwards order, Kitty is the narrator who lies because she is missing some key information, at least until the third book. As a commoner, even one who is part of a resistance movement, her knowledge of magic is extremely limited and biased. Were we to go off of her point of view alone, we would get an inaccurate view of this world and the power dynamics that exist within it: that magicians are somehow special in holding magic and that they have evil demons who work alongside them in shared mischief/hunger for power/whatever.

However, because the books include other points of view, the full impact of that unreliability is not realized.

Similarly, Nathaniel lies to himself, especially in the later books. He ignores how much he personally contributes to upholding a system that depends on the oppression and slavery of other sentient beings, and squashes down the last traces of his moral compass. I don’t think he ever really questions the system of government or if it should be there and work the way it does.

To some extent, we do see through his unreliability as well, because Bartimaeus is around to keep a check on him and tell the reader that no, the magicians and their imperialism are bad, that spirits have very good reason to hate humans, and give us other world building details that contradict what Nathaniel believes.

But some of it is about what is going on inside Nathaniel’s own head, so there is also a lot that can’t be fully seen by an outside perspective that has to be assumed by the reader. Like he will deny the sentimental feelings he has towards Ms. Underwood and the guilt he had over Kitty’s supposed death and the fact that he even remotely cares about Bartimaeus, but actions speak louder than words.

Because both of these characters’ unreliability stem from a lack of understanding, having other perspectives in the book in some ways cancels out their unreliability, and actually ties their unreliability more to their character development than as a plot/narration device. Kitty grows more reliable throughout the series while Nathaniel gets less so until the end. This doesn’t make that unreliability useless though, especially in a series aimed for children. By getting each character’s point of view, we can see where they are coming from and how the knowledge and views they have affect the way they act, but there is also someone else to point out how they are wrong, to make you question how true what each individual says is.

Bartimaeus is entirely different from the first two characters. His narration is told in first person, unlike Nathaniel and Kitty’s third person. He talks directly to the reader and goes off on tangential footnotes that are not necessarily part of the events currently happening in the story. Because of this narration style, he also has the power to lie more directly to the reader than any of the other characters.

Given his life, it is understandable how he has gotten into the habit of lying. Every moment of his existence on Earth is spent under the power of someone else, so he lies in order to protect himself. There are some instances where he lies to his masters in order to escape punishment or to lead them into danger so he can be set free, but he also lies about his feelings because he cannot afford to be emotionally vulnerable.

For the most part, I think it can be assumed that the dialogue and most actions that happen in his pov chapters are told as they are, since much of that lines up with what goes on in the other characters’ perspectives, and also there are at least a few things that show him in a less-than-flattering light that he would probably leave out or change if he could. Instead, the lies he tells are largely about his past and his emotions, often done through exaggeration or omission, and cannot be collaborated by others.

When lying about his past, Bartimaeus frequently exaggerates his prestige and role in history. In Ptolemy’s Gate, Bartimaeus says that he talked to King Solomon about Faquarl’s tendency to brag about his historical importance. Even beyond the obvious irony, in the prequel we see Bartimaeus’s time at Solomon’s court, and while it isn’t technically impossible for him to have talked to Solomon about Faquarl, the timing and circumstances make it extremely unlikely. Although his other stories cannot be proven or disproven with what we know, this instance and his general tendency to brag outrageously makes it very likely that Bartimaeus at the very least embellishes.

However, despite being super showy about his past, Bartimaeus doesn’t actually include much important information. He very rarely talks about his great feats as a thief or assassin or anything else. When he lists his accomplishments, he describes building walls and talking to important historical figures. There’s a post somewhere (if I find it, I’ll link it) that explains this as being a way for Bartimaeus to try to take control of his reputation and therefore his life; by associating with safer jobs, he is less likely to be summoned for very dangerous and morally reprehensible jobs.

He does generally try to portray himself as clever and collected and just generally more cool than he actually is. There’s a moment at the end of the first book where he describes himself as trying to calm Nathaniel who is freaking out, and then the next chapter is from Nathaniel’s pov which describes him as being the calmer one while Bartimaeus is a fly anxiously buzzing around.

I don’t remember the exact line, but in the second book there’s an exchange that goes something like this:

“____” I said calmly.

“Stop your whimpering,” Kitty said.

The way Bartimaeus portrays himself is straight up contradicted by the more factual account of the words and actions of someone else. And presumably there are plenty of other times that we do not see contradictory evidence where Bartimaeus straight up lies about how he is reacting to something.

But one of Bartimaeus’s most unreliable points centers around humans. Throughout the books, he constantly talks about the ways he has killed and would like to kill his masters, if given the opportunity. Nathaniel is an exception, one that Bartimaeus does admit to the reader, but even in the third book when he talks the most about how he would kill Nathaniel or even join a demon rebellion if Faquarl offered right then and there, Bartimaeus does not actually follow through on these threats when he gets the chance. Despite all of his talk about how much he hates humans, Bartimaeus has as much of a positive relationship he can have with as many humans possible, given the circumstances.

A lot of his unreliability centers around Ptolemy, which is what some of Bartimaeus’s biggest lies of omission are about. In the first book, we do get the sense that Bartimaeus has a soft spot for at least some humans. His excuses of saving and looking after Nathaniel in order to avoid Indefinite Confinement, while likely not entirely false, do fall a bit flat. We even get a mention of “a boy I had known once before, someone I had loved.” Although this is not explicitly connected to Ptolemy at this point, mentions of brown skin and the Nile make a pretty obvious connection to Ptolemy, especially as Bartimaeus describes taking on Ptolemy’s form several times later on. There is a less obvious hint too, “I sat on the ground, cross-legged, the way Ptolemy used to do.” Even without knowing much about what kind of relationship Bartimaeus had with Ptolemy, that kind of detail shows ‘a devotion to detail that could only come with genuine affection, or perhaps even love.’

It isn’t until the third book until we learn anything substantial about his relationship with Ptolemy, and even then he doesn’t tell the whole story. The fandom jokes about how Bartimaeus just casually mentions in a foot note that he prefers a lioness form because the manes are annoying, and it’s not until the flashback that you find out that the mane is part of what got Ptolemy killed. And even with the flashbacks, you still never see the time that Ptolemy visited the Other Place.

There are a lot of posts on this site that talk about how Bartimaeus absolutely was idealizing Ptolemy, and how there’s some evidence that he isn’t the perfectly sweet never-did-anything-wrong innocent child that Bartimaeus describes him as (notably that part where he was vaguely annoyed that people kept coming to him to ask for help and interrupted his research). Not that Ptolemy secretly sucks or anything, but it’s really easy to let nostalgia skip over the less dramatic details of Ptolemy being an actual human being with flaws.

In summary, I would argue that all of the trilogy protagonists are unreliable narrators to varying extents, and Jonathan Stroud is a genius for how he manages to make it all work.

[flickeringart]

Further exploration…

I’ve used this chart before when going through signs, houses and certain planetary aspects. You can find the post here.

I thought I’d move spontaneously with my own train of thought as it applies to this chart in order to explore it a bit more.

At a first glance, this person seems like a hopeful and ambitious person, hungry for expansion but conflicted, held back by insecurities and limitations. The world is an open road, a big playpen, an endless adventure for this person. All Sagittarius Rising people head out in life with a spirit of boldness and expectation, but seeing as the Ascendant and Jupiter (the chart ruler) are square Pluto-Uranus and Saturn, there are difficult dilemmas for this person to deal with. There’s probably resentment, fear, paranoia of being used and taken advantage of and strong emotional charges tied up with the desire for a good and abundant life. There’s certainly a motivation to work hard and use the all one’s inner resources to achieve wealth in the broad sense of the word. Jupiter is in the 7th house (of other people), Pluto-Uranus in the 8th  (of intimate merging) and Saturn in the 2nd  (material possessions). The potential success one can get out of cooperation (Jupiter in 7th) conflicts with the emotional intensity and tie to other people (Pluto in 8th) and one’s sense of responsibility and effort to acquire something of one’s own (Saturn in 2nd). The person feels burdened to acquire personal resources and may be harboring violent resentment (Saturn square Pluto) because of the influence that other people have over him (Pluto in 8th). The ease that is sought through cooperation (Jupiter in 7th) and partnering up with other people might be in painful conflict with the obligation to be financially independent (Saturn in 2nd). There’s suspicion and unpredictability in the sphere of intimate relations, a lot of storms and violent passions that might rob the person of stability and structure. This is not an easy dynamic to deal with and one might feel like there’s a difficult contradiction between the passionate intensity and positive expansion that is derived from other people (Pluto in 8th, Jupiter in 7th) and hard reality of having to achieve something on one’s own and stand independently (Saturn in the 2nd).

The pressure and requirement of being self-sustaining and solid financially seems to have wounded the person in some way, seeing as Saturn is conjunct Chiron, the archetype of the wounded healer. The challenges and hurdles to overcome might not have been possible to face. Earning money might prove difficult, or at least it’s done in a very cautious and controlled way according to convention. Saturn represents the concept of responsibility and duty – Chiron represents a wound that is impossible to heal but is coped with through philosophical approach or practical skills. There’s wounding around discipline, structure and authority and there’s probably deep inadequacy around being truly effective in the “real” world of objects and assets – but it’s coped with through adopting certain attitudes and deliberately finding practical ways to cope. The person might secure a stable and reliable source of income but doesn’t get the feeling of being of true importance, perhaps there’s a feeling of being replaceable, not naturally suited for the work that is done or being undervalued and underpaid. The Saturn-Chiron conjunction sits in Pisces, which goes well together with the 10th house Neptune. There’s a sacrificial and heavy emotional approach to career and earning a living, the person might not have any particular desire for “making something of himself” in the world and becomes more of a servant of the needs and demands of society. It would seem as if this dynamic is easily accepted by the personality, seeing as the Sun in Cancer trines Neptune and Saturn, creating a grand trine figuration in the chart. The person derives identity through the disciplined and sacrificial components of the psyche. The Sun in the 7th indicates that purpose, meaning and self-actualization happen through other people, possibly with a life partner that cooperate as to provide some kind of care and safety (Sun in Cancer) and that is gentle, imaginative and responsible (Neptune and Saturn).

Let’s go deeper into the relational realm. Venus sits in Leo the 8thhouse conjunct Mercury, which means that love is a deep a passionate pursuit for this person. It is felt through soul-touching intimacy and strong emotional binds. It would appear as if this person derives a lot of his experiences from other people, in other words, he’s accessing himself through close proximity and entanglement with others.  This person doesn’t feel loved and can’t really love until he’s gotten to the most raw and real parts of himself or another. Venus is tied up with Mercury, which indicates a skill with words in expressing fondness and adoration. When he’s in love he’s communicative, flexible, exciting and very emotionally expressive. However, the sacrificial element of Neptune is squaring Venus, hinting at a proclivity to fall for an image or illusion, seeing people through rose-colored glasses and hoping to be saved through romantic union. This person might be disappointed in love and find out that one is prone to give of oneself to the point of depletion. The dilemma that has to be tackled has to do with boundaries – how far one is willing to extend oneself in the name of sustaining relationships or how much one is able to demand of a partner. There’s a savior-victim-redeemer complex tied up with the idea of love – individual integrity has to be sacrificed. It might be that the person feels that the only the attractive quality that he possesses is the one of complete acceptance and sacrifice of individual pride as characteristic of “spiritual love”. Neptune sits in the 10th, the house of the mother, and no doubt she must’ve been quite emotionally consuming, dreamy and yearning for the biggest treasures of life, the greatest happiness and the greatest love without boundaries. Of course, there’s no such thing as boundlessness in the physical realm, and acting like there is might lead to over-consumption (seeing as Neptune is inconjunct Jupiter and square Venus). “Where did love and happiness go?” is the question of such a person and the answer, as always with Neptune is “down the drain”. The lack of structure and definition that is characteristic of Neptune always become painfully real sooner or later. The person might be quite able to keep up with his job and career endeavors in Neptunian style of compassion and selfless service (seeing as Neptune is trine Saturn, the planet of discipline and material structure) but might not be as fortunate in love or abundance. Relationships require some effort as much as anything else in the “real” world. A lot of painful disillusionment and unfulfilled dreams might surface in relationships seeing as both Jupiter and Venus in relational houses makes aspects Neptune.

As already touched upon briefly, it would seem that the person has an inclination toward engaging in writing and literary pursuits. The Venus-Mercury conjunction points to a real sensitivity and feeling for communication, Mars in Libra (sextile Venus-Mercury) is in the 9th house of higher education points to a fine-tuned and socially accommodating drive to achieve greater intellectual understanding of the world. Aries, the sign ruled by Mars is in the 3rd house of interaction and communication, suggesting an inclination to assert the will through mental engagement. Not to mention that the Sagittarius Ascendant is a big indicator of the scholar type, the lecturer and the preacher. There’s a lot of personal strength derived from being knowledgeable for this person – sharing and perhaps imposing one’s insights on the environment (Mars 9th house, Aries in 3rd). Mars in Libra sextile Venus-Mercury and the Moon, which is indicative of a quite benign and socially acceptable Mars. There are no difficult aggression problems in this person as far as the chart can tell, the way he goes about things are quite smooth and void of severe friction. The martial drive is quite different from the plutonic passion; the latter being something the person would have more of an issue with. Martial drive is action that is taken on the behalf of the self in order to move forward, to move beyond obstacles and problems. The Mars drive is our personal capacity to achieve. Plutonic passion is inner emotional intensity that is ultimately outside of personal control – it’s the primitive survival mechanism that works in all kinds of quietly powerful ways. Although this person might consciously pursue is ambitions in quite pleasant and non-violent ways, there’s a lot of emotional charge stirring below the conscious surface that should be evident to anyone that comes close enough (Pluto in the 8th) and it might be extremely destructive and undermining, not only to others but to himself as well.

Let’s take a look at the Moon and the emotional nature. It’s in Sagittarius which means that the person needs to be “on the go” to have things to look forward to, to keep moving and occupied with rewarding and fun activities. The fire signs are all about honoring the immortal spirit which means that the person has to find a way to keep the spirits high and the energy flowing in order to feel good, this is especially true since the Moon makes a trine to Venus-Mercury in Leo. Mentally stimulating and warm environments that allows for spontaneity is what this person wants and needs. The placement in the 12th house echoes the Neptunian influence, pointing to an emotionally undefined and obscure person that has a hard time finding personal identity in emotion. Emotions might be something that just flows through, leaving little to no trace as they continuously fluctuate. The 12th house is related to family issues from the past and it’s possible that emotions were not something that was dealt with as real and important. Emotional neglect and isolation might’ve been the case. Since the Moon relates to the mother, she was probably quite avoidant of her own emotional truth, remaining diffuse and undifferentiated, fluctuating with the dictates of the environment and constantly mirroring others (which is confirmed by the 10th house Neptune as well).

Let’s end with taking a brief look at the father. The Sun is in Cancer in the 7th, possibly pointing to someone who is sensitive and emotionally driven, diplomatic, keen to establish a strong social identity and take advantage (not in a bad way necessarily) of other people’s skills. He would have a good sense of responsibility and duty (Sun trine Saturn) as a natural inclination toward artistic pursuits and heightened sensitivity to the imaginative realm (Sun trine Neptune). He would also be quite intense, determined and persevering, considering the Sun sextile Pluto aspect, and original, preoccupied with ideas and potential considering the Sun sextile Uranus aspect. Taurus is in the 4thhouse, indicating a Venusian tilt, a taste for the pleasure of materialism and personal possessions.

[quirkwizard]

I have been interested in the Lantern Corps lately. Red Rage, Orange Avarice, Yellow Fear, Green Willpower, Blue Hope, Violet Compassion, Pink Love, Black Death, White Life, Ultraviolet Shame, Phantom Apathy/Emotionlessness, and I think Gold is Justice. What would 1-A members be part of?

Oh, I’ve always wanted to answer a question like this. For the sake of this, I will interpret it as a person who harbors an emotion or one who inspires an emotion. I will also ignore some of the limitations of the Cores, like how there can only be one Orange Lantern or how the Love Core only allows women. And I won’t include the Lanterns outside of the spectrum either cause they aren’t as well defined, like Gold and Ultraviolet, or just don’t apply, like Black and White.

Sato: Sato was one of the most difficult. He isn't really defined by any of the emotions present. I suppose Love could fit given that people love his baking.

Sero: Again, like Sato, Sero doesn't really fit any of the Cores. I guess Will could work? He does seem have a desire to grow and improve in spite of his setbacks.

Denki: Will I suppose? Which I'm only saying because Guy Gardner is a clear example of the kind of Lantern Denki would be and the kind of people they take.

Tsuyu: Obviously Compassion. Just an all nice person who bares a lot of empathy towards people.

Koda: Koda would be in the Indigo Tribe. Again, like Tsuyu, just a very kind person who loves animals and doesn’t like violence.

Mineta: Fear, not question. You could argue the Rage he incites, but I think he fits as someone who harbors great fear. He also incites fear, just not in the traditional way.

Tokoyami: I was going to say the Yellow Lanterns given that the fear Dark Shadow can inspire and his own fear towards it, but Will just suits Tokoyami better. His bravery and ability to act makes him a good fit to the core.

Mina: I’m going with Love. While it is a more general love, I think that her care and consideration makes her a good pick for the Core. Plus she already have the pink skin going for her, so I think she will fit right in.

Aoyama: I see him being in the Fear Core. Not only is he generally cowardly nature, but he also is afraid of showing his true self. You could argue Shame for that, but I think that fear is more his overarching emotion.

Jiro: I did consider putting her in Love, but I think that the Blue Lanterns fit her better. While she does love music, her ability to inspire hope in others through music is what nets her this spot.

Ojiro: Clearly a Green Lantern. In spite of having a far less impressive Quirk then his classmates, Ojiro works in a lot of work just to keep up, striving for the best in spite of his lackluster abilities.

Kirishima: Obviously, he would go into the Green Lanterns. His whole arc is overcoming fear and doubt to be a better person and a better hero. He's probably one of the better candidates on this list.

Bakugou: Surprising no one, Bakugou will go in the Rage Core. While Fear or Will could suit him as well, he's is someone who is just so dominated by his rage that I struggle to picture him in any other core.

Uraraka: As much as the fandoms plays up her "greedy nature", I believe that the Star Sapphires suit her the best. Her entire motivation is based around the love for her family and she also harbors a love for Izuku, repressed as it may be.

Izuku: I'm confident in putting him among the Green Lanterns. While you could Hope for sticking to his dream or Compassion for his general heroism, I believe it is his effort and action that make him a better fit for Will.

Hagakure: As tempted as I am to put her in the Ultraviolet Core for a joke, I think that Love fits her better. I guess it's for her generally peppy attitude that doesn't fit with any of the other cores. At least now she'll be wearing even more of a costume.

Iida: As someone with a lot of drive, I could easily see Iida in the Will Core. I mean that guy basically mutilated himself to get stronger. If that's not willpower, I don't know what is. Plus the Green Lantern's role as space cops would suit him well.

Shoji: While I think that the Yellow Ring could suit him fine as one who induces fear, I believe that the Indigo Ring fits him better. He's just a generally nice, reliably helpful guy. Though that does raise the question of how he'll wear the ring.

Momo: I was going to put her in the Pink Lanterns as a joke, but I actually think that the Blue Lanterns fit her better. Through her leadership, she is able to inspire hope in others, working better as a guide and supporter rather then an active combatant just like the Hope Core.

Shoto: If we're going by the start of the series, Rage or Fear would work as he hates his dad and people are intimidated by him. However, I think that Compassion fits him the best. Not only for his heroic nature, but his desire for redemption, something that the Indigo Tribe is all about.

[kayteewritessteve]

Perfectly Perfect

Description: After a long few days at work, the love of your life helps you unwind. (A slightly Modern Office AU)

Masterlist HERE.

Word Count: 7,780 ish.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: 18+ (is smut)

Warnings: Horrible smut. Be warned. No minors allow. Keep scrolling if you aren’t 18 years or older. Oh, and ‘unprotected’ sex, though reader has an IUD and mentions it. So you’ve now been warned.

Requested: Nah, this is my first ever attempt at smut. It’s long-winded and cringey as hell. Soooooo read it if you want, but be aware that it’s not very good at all. But I’m trying, and slowly learning, and the fact I finally managed to actually write any smut at all, even horrible smut, is huge for me. Baby steps.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

Final warning y’all. Turn back now. This isn’t good. It’s basically horribly written, long-winded, comfortable fluff with a slight hard fucking, if you reeeeally squint. So yeah. Ugh. I’m so damn awkward. Aaaanywho! Good luck! May the odd be ever in your favour, and all that jazz!

You released a deep, exhausted breath as your eyes dropped down to read the time on the bottom right hand corner of your monitor's screen. 7:02pm. Only 2 hours passed your ‘normal’ end time, though over the last few months, you’d been putting in a lot of overtime. Far more than was normal, and it seemed lately, like 7 was the new 5.

You sigh as you lean back in your chair, bringing your hands up to rub the heels of them into your eyes. No longer worried about your mascara, as it was probably long gone by now, what with how many times you’d rubbed your tired eyes today, already. You decided it was probably time to head home, your brain was done for the day, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything more tonight. At least not without lots of errors, and then having to just waste more time tomorrow redoing most of that very same work. Work smarter, not harder. That was the motto you lived by.

So with that last thought, you leaned forward and powered down your computer, clicking the soft button on the side of your monitor to put it to rest as well. Then you pulled open the bottom drawer of your desk, retrieving your purse from within and placing it on the top of your desk, as you slipped back into your heels. The ones you’d removed hours ago to give your poor feet a much needed reprieve.

Once they were firmly, and achingly, back in place, you stood up and removed your jacket from the back of your chair. Slipping it on and pulling your hair out from within it, before hitting the forward to voicemail button on your desk phone. If anyone were to phone after you left, it would go straight to voicemail now, saving them the moment or two of just useless ringing.

You then grabbed your purse and phone off your desk, and made your way towards the office door. Opening it once you reached it and flicking off the overhead lights, as you slipped into the hallway. Promptly closing the door behind you once you fully reached the hall. Your eyes instinctively glanced across the corridor, seeing that Steve’s door was slightly ajar, and his lights were still on, so clearly he’d been working late, just as you had been. But that was nothing new.

If you had to pick any words to describe yourself, hard-working would be near the top of that list, if not at the very top. You always took your job seriously, and did everything in your power to be efficient, reliable and focused. But yet, that man, he always seemed to one up you. You thought you were a crazy workaholic. Ha! Perish the thought! That man, he was the very definition of the words. You’d never met anyone more hardworking than yourself, until you walked through these office doors for the first time, and were introduced to the enigmatic Steven Grant Rogers.

Though he didn’t stay a mystery for long, after only a week, you had him pretty much entirely figured out. Or so you thought at the time, at least. Sweet, thoughtful, charming, hard-working to a fault, intensely intelligent with a quick wit and the deep voice of an angel, all things that had made your knees weak and your heart flutter just from being in the same room as him. But then having his full attention on you, and only you, made your whole body heat up, your mind turn to mush, and your palms clam up, instantly. Every time.

It took a few more weeks after that to level yourself out around him, to just acclimatize yourself to the sheer force of being in the presence of this perfect specimen of a man. And you hadn’t even mentioned his exterior yet, you’d only vaguely touched on what he was packing on the inside. His outside was, well shit, it was also sheer perfection in and of itself.

He was all hard lines of pure stone wrapped deliciously in tantalizingly unmarred golden skin. He was a beautiful tall, broad and rippling form to behold. What with his wide shoulders, trim waist, and thighs that could draw most people's eyes and keep them trapped for eternity. You being the owner of one of those mentioned set of eyes.

So yeah, he was utter perfection in a lovely and large package. It was wholly unfair, if anyone asked you, that a man could look, act and just be that flawless, that sublime. You instantly needed to find some fault in him, you begged the God’s above to have given him some sort of flaw, there was just no way anyone could be that unequaled. That utterly perfect. It was not fair to the rest of the human population. Not even a little bit.

No one could, or should, be that glorious. But over the last 5 years of working here, with him, you’d learned early on that he was perfection in the human form. And even when you did finally track down his faults, his ‘flaws’, they weren’t even that bad. They didn’t even nick the lovely shell around him, they couldn’t even scrape or mar his lovely exterior, in any way, shape or form.

The contradiction of that, if you’re honest. His flaws made him even more perfect to you, made him even more sublime than he’d originally appeared at first glance. Because they made him more relatable, more human, just all around more. And knowing he had a few little flaws did nothing to quell your thoughts towards the man. They stood to only heightened them actually.

You shake your head, banishing the warm belly and heart pace inducing thoughts, knowing you couldn’t walk into his office to say your daily goodbyes, with the dang heart eyes your latest thoughts had evoked in you. That man could read anyone like a dang book, and after 5 years of being his personal assistant, you couldn’t hide a single thing from his all-seeing eyes. He just knew you too well now, too fully and completely.

You venture across the hall, towards his slightly ajar door and knock lightly as you push it open. And the heart eyes nearly returned as you are graced with the image of his large form wrapped to perfection in his dark grey suit. The suit appearing as if it was a second skin, tailored to his whole form perfectly. And damn, you sure do use that word, in all its forms, a lot in regards to him. But he is ‘Perfect’, and there just isn’t any better word to use in his case. There is no other words better suited to him, then just pure perfection.

He sits behind his large dark wood desk, reading glasses rested effortlessly upon the straight bridge of his perfect nose. His brows furrowed just so, in perfectly focused thought, as he types rapidly upon his keyboards keys. Most likely finishing up a report, or replying to an urgent email, either or, it doesn’t really matter. Nor does it take away from, or effect, the beauty of the image before you.

The first time you ever saw him with his black framed reading glasses on, you damn near swooned yourself into a puddle on his office floor. Something about a handsome man of his caliber, wearing glasses as he focused his attention on a computer monitor or the papers clasped within his large, tanned and veiny hands, just did things to you. Made you a fluttery and warm mess of a thing.

Ugh, you really need to focus here. You came in here to say your goodbyes, not eye fuck your oblivious boss from the shadows of his doorway.

“Hey,” you softly say, not wanting to startle him as you take a small step further into the room. “I’m heading out now, did you need anything else before I leave for the day?”

His eyes flick up to meet yours, and he gives you that gloriously perfect half smile he’s become so famous for. It isn’t a broad or large smile, by any means, it’s subdued and just a quirk up of the corners of his perfect lips. Did you forget to mention his pump and pillowy lips in your rambling internal exposé on the man before you? Oh, well, that was your bad entirely, as his lips were the second best feature upon his perfect face.

They were only second to those stunning deep blue eyes, the ones that currently held you trapped, and showed more emotion and compassion within them than you ever thought possible. You’d always heard or read about being able to read one's true feelings through their eyes, but you’d never been able to relate to those sentiments before, at least not until you met the Adonis before you. He didn’t hide a thing, and you believed he had not one damn thing to hide, even if he’d wanted to. He left it all out in the open where his eyes were concerned, it made it all the more easier to get to know him. To figure out his true being and personality. To determine what he liked, disliked, and found amusing. His eyes told every tale, used more words then his lips could even fathom. Everything personal you knew of this man, you’d learned from the beautiful blue gateways to his soul.

“Uh,” he hummed thoughtfully as he glanced down at his watch momentarily, and you didn’t miss the slight widening of his perfect blues when he realized the time. His eyes flicked back up to trap you once more as he leaned back on his seat and gave you his full and undivided attention. Just as he always did with everyone. He always made his employees and coworkers feel like the center of his little world, for however long they were gifted the pleasure of being in his presence. “I didn’t even realize how late it was,” he said before he bestowed upon you a small taste of his gloriously deep chuckle. “I’ll be heading out shortly myself, so everything else can wait till tomorrow.”

“Okay,” you nodded, a small chuckle leaving your lips now, “try not to overwork yourself too much. You need to eat and get at least a few hours of sleep tonight, as you have an 8:30 am conference call tomorrow.”

His smile grew just a fraction, as he crossed his large arms over his broad chest. He always got a small kick out of you mothering him. “I know, and don’t worry, I’ll set an alarm for myself and leave the second it goes off.”

“Please ensure that you do,” you smiled sweetly to offset the slight commanding tone that you’d just used on your boss. “You can’t push yourself too hard, or you’ll be dead on your feet tomorrow. And then you’ll be no use to any of us.”

He chuckled again, a little louder this time, and your mind tried desperately to lock the lovely sound away for your enjoyment for all of eternity. Then he unfolded his arms, picked his phone up off the desk and gave it a few moments attention, before you heard the distinct click of it being locked, and then he placed it back down on the desk and glanced up at you once again. “There, the alarm is all set.”

You valiantly fought the giant grin that wanted to show itself to the cheeky but perfect man before you, however you only managed to contain it to the form of a small uptick of the corners of your mouth. “Good. I swear you work too hard sometimes. You make the rest of us look bad.”

He mimicked your small smile, “I don’t think I could ever do that.” His words made your heart flutter, but only just a little, and you’d never admit it aloud. A soft ping sounded around the quiet room and his eyes drifted back to the monitor’s screen for a few seconds before looking back to you. “Okay, get outta here before we both start living in this office,” he said sweetly, with a slightly stern edge. You both knew far too well how easily you could lose track of time and space, and end up here till midnight, or even later, before either of you even realized it. “And thanks for staying so late again, Y/N.” His smile turned slightly knowing, “I’m sure you have better things to do with your time than be here finishing off reports for me.”

You swatted away his concerned words as if they were a pesky fly in the air. “It’s fine. Really. All I have scheduled for tonight is making dinner for the man I love, and then I plan to happily sleep the night away.”

He nodded, a small smile upon his lips once again as he leaned forward and his eyes focused back on his monitor. “Sounds like a lovely night. He’s a lucky guy.”

“That he is,” you hummed in agreement, biting your lip to suppress your chuckle. With one nod of your head, you turned and stepped back towards the door to the hallway, “Goodnight, Boss.”

And just as you reached the door, his voice drifted into your eyes once more. “Goodnight, PA.”

Those were the two nicknames you both joking called each other. The nicknames you’d started using years ago, after he’d insisted on you calling him Steve early on in your job, but calling him by his first name just hadn’t seemed appropriate at the time. You couldn’t get over the unprofessional feel of using his first name as if you were his friend, or something of the like. He was your boss, but he hated being called ‘Mr. Rogers’. He said it made him feel like an older man in a sweater, talking to dolls on a train.

So, you’d jokingly called him Bossman one day years ago, and over time it shortened to just ‘Boss’. But he wasn’t really a fan of that either, so in return, just to joke back with you, he’d referred to you as ‘PA’, and that nickname had just sort of stuck as well. Though he only ever used it in reply to your use of ‘Boss’.

You giggled quietly to yourself as you exited the office, pulling the door back to it’s slightly ajar spot as you did.

You step through the front door into your quiet apartment, the one you share with the only man you’ve ever truly loved. The lights are all off, and there isn’t a sound anywhere within the still space. But you knew he wasn’t home yet, and you preferred it that way. It gave you a moment of quiet time to yourself, to get out of your tight work clothes and start in on dinner before he walked through the very same door you were closing softly with a click of the lock.

After removing your coat and hanging it on the hooks beside the door, you remove your heels to allow your achy feet a much needed break from their confines.

You wiggled your toes, and stretched your feet out before planting them upon the cold hardwood floors and making your way through the quiet apartment. Reveling in the few moments of peace it awarded your mind, before your love got home. As once he did, he’d fill the quiet space with his soft recounts of his day, the goings on in his little world, and his inquisitive questions about your own day.

Moving into the kitchen, you flick on the soft pendant lights above the island and place your purse atop it, before turning to set the stove to begin warming it to the proper temp. Then you move to the fridge and pull out the premade meal from within, the one you’d put together at the beginning of the week for this exact day. Pre-prepped meals at the beginning of every week, usually made on lazy Sunday afternoons, was the only way you’d ever be able to continue to eat properly, and not just succumb to quick junk food on the fly.

Your work hours, just as your boyfriends, were always a little crazy and long, and so spending hours prepping a meal every night was not an option for either of you. Instead, you both picked a few meal ideas on Sunday, and then together you’d get everything prepped and packaged and put away in the fridge, before spending the evening cuddled up on the couch and watching a movie with a glass or two of wine. Needing that relaxing few hours to prepare you both for the craziness of the work week ahead.

After placing the packages for tonight's dinner on the counter, you quickly send off a text to your boyfriend, to inform him of your safe arrival home. Then you made your way to the bedroom to change into something more comfortable and wash off any remaining makeup. Whatever was even still left after the countless rubs and presses of your hands throughout the day.

You pulled out a pair of comfy pj shorts and a fitted tank top from your dresser drawer, placing them on the made up bed before moving into the bathroom. You quickly took a makeup removing wipe to your skin, thoroughly cleansing the surface before lathering on your nightly moisturizer and heading back into the bedroom. You pulled the dress shirt up and out from the waist of your pencil skirt and started in on the buttons, going from top to bottom in an effortless and perfected way. One that could only come from years of doing this exact action, over and over and over again.

Once the shirt was open, you slipped it down your arms and placed it neatly atop the bed, before moving on to the zipper on the back of your dark grey fitted pencil skirt. But just as your nimble fingers grasped the dainty zipper, two large warm hands met yours and you jumped a little at the contact.

But then a soft and soothingly deep voice whispered into your ear, warm breath caressing the cooled skin of your neck as it washed over you. “Here, let me.”

You smiled as you glanced over your shoulder at the beautiful man behind you, the one you loved more than anything or anyone else. And the very one that despite his sheer size, always managed to sneak up on you. You hadn’t even heard the door unlock, nor it being opened and closed to allow him entry into the suite. Nor the sounds of him removing his jacket and shoes, or even hearing the telltale sounds of his keys and wallet meeting the bowl on the entryway table.

He was always a damn ninja, and you really shouldn’t have even jumped at the initial contact. You should be entirely used to him sneaking up on you by now, but yet, you weren’t, and you believed you never would be.

You nod your approval of his offer, as your eyes drink him in, in all his end of the busy work day glory. His deft fingers make short work of the task, and you realize that he is just as familiar and perfected in the action of undressing you, as you are. Maybe he is even a little better at it than you, having found yourself at the mercy of his lustful and enraptured hands many times. All the times he’d expertly and delicately—though sometimes, on special occasions, they were fumbly and forceful as they—removed every article of clothing keeping your full form hidden from his heated gaze.

Once the zipper met the end of it’s line, his fingers hooked into the waistband and slowly pushed the stretchy material down your hips where it then plummeted unchallenged to the floor below. Leaving you just in your matching black lace bustier and panties, only a few small areas of your body still hidden from his view. But as his large, warm hands found your hips and turned you to meet his intense eyes fully, you instantly realized those small areas wouldn’t be hidden for much longer. Not if the hungry twinkle in his eyes was anything to go off of at the moment.

His hands slipped behind you, his arms encompassing your waist as his gaze drifted down and back up, before he pulled you towards him, and gently crushed your small body into his much larger, more robust one. “New?” He asked in a deep and curious tone.

You smirked knowingly up at him, “they are. What do you think?”

He leaned back a little, just enough to check out the newly acquired delicate lace set once more. And as he did, your hands landed on his pecs, loving the warmth of him and using it to take the chill out of your fingers. Once his eyes had finished their thorough re-inspection, they flicked up to meet yours and you nearly shivered at the immense desire pooling within them now. “I think you should never wear anything else, ever again.”

You chuckled, your hands sliding up his chest to delve into his lusciously soft locks. “I don’t think my boss would approve of this as appropriate work attire around the office.”

He smirked down at you, nodding slowly, “mmm, you’re probably right about that. I’m sure he wouldn’t approve at all. Especially with all the people you have to meet with throughout the day.”

“Yes, and he’d probably even force me to remain hidden away in my office, the whole entire day,” you gasp playfully. “How will I live without being able to get a coffee from the break room?!”

He chuckles, “I’m sure he’d willingly bring you a coffee whenever you needed one, if it meant he could witness the masterpiece that is you in this damn set.” His finger hooked into the elastic waist of your panties and pulled it away from your skin slightly before he released it, causing a gentle snapping sound to play out in your ears. As if the noise was to affirm the words he just spoke.

“No, he isn’t like that. He’s a completely respectful and professional man,” you grin up at him. “I’m more willing to bet he’d offer me his suit jacket, just to ensure my modesty stayed at least slightly intact.”

“I dunno, that might make it worse,” he hums, as a small smirk plays on his lips now. “I’m picturing you in just this and a large suit jacket, and the image alone is killing me. He’d probably die on the spot.”

“Should we find out?” You playfully question as your hands slip from his hair and back down his chest, moving under the edges of your boyfriend's suit jacket and slowly slipping the material off his broad shoulders and down his arms. He assists you as you go, helping to fully remove the jacket and then you take it in one hand and step back, his hands reluctantly drifting from your skin as you go. Then you flip the jacket around you, and slide the sleeves onto your arms, before settling the jacket on your shoulders and gripping the lapels to adjust the placement.

Once it’s all set in place, your eyes flick back up to meet his from below your lashes and find they aren’t looking into yours anymore. His eyes are hungrily roving over your entire form, and that fact alone causes your belly to warm up and your heart to pick up its pace. The things just having this man's eyes on you, can do to you, is wholly unfair.

His eyes finally meet yours, and you notice instantly that they have darkened dramatically now. Looking more black than their usual perfect colour at the moment. “Yup, just as I thought,” he nods, and you don’t miss his thick swallow, his Adam's Apple bobbing from the sheer force of it. “This is much, much worse. He’d never be able to keep his hands off of you, and then we’d really have a problem.”

You glance down at the floor between you both, tucking a few errant strands of hair behind your ear coyly, as you whisper, “maybe I don’t want him to keep his hands off me.” Your eyes flick back up to his, giving him the best doe-eyed look you can muster, as your voice comes out a little louder, but yet, just as soft, just as sultry as before, “maybe I want him to touch me, everywhere. Anywhere.”

A soft groan echoes in your boyfriend's solid chest, so soft you almost didn’t catch it. And at that sound, he surges forward, his hands pushing the jacket from your shoulders before they find your hips again, as he effortlessly lifts you off your feet. Your legs quickly go around his waist, to rest on his narrow hips and your arms encircle his neck, just to help him hold you up. Though it’s not like he actually needs the help.

His lips crash into yours, and you couldn’t miss the neediness of the action, even if you tried. You meet his need head on, returning it in full force to show you are feeling the exact same way he is at the moment.

He takes a few stumbly and blind steps to the bed, and before you know it, you're being deposited upon the pillowy surface with a small gasp. He chuckles quietly at your reaction, and then his large hands grip your waist and pull you forcefully towards the edge, before he places a knee between your legs and leans over you just enough to slip one large hand behind your back. As the other presses into the bed beside your head. His deft fingers make short work of your bustiers clasps, thanks to you arching your back to help his hasty endeavour.

His hand slips around to the front of you, his fingers caressing your ribs as they go, before he grabs the front of the only thing covering your upper half, and pulls it away from your chest and down your arms, then discards it somewhere over his shoulder. It’s final resting place being the very last thing your mind cares about in this moment. As now his hands are moving down your sides, his fingers slipping into the waistband of your panties and helping them go the same way as the bustier; slipped from your form and flung carelessly over his shoulder to the floor behind.

Once you are fully bared to his intense gaze, he stands back up and gives your whole body another once over. His eyes only darken more as he goes, and you didn’t even think that was possible. He keeps his eyes slowly moving over you, as his fingers undo the belt around his waist, then the button and zipper of his suit trousers. And once that is accomplished he pulls the white shirt out, and you prop yourself up on your elbows for a better view of what’s about to come.

You only catch a small glimpse of the smirk on his lips, before your hungry eyes are all too focused on the slow movements of his masterful fingers. Oh the glorious things those thick digits can do. You know first hand how truly spectacular they really are, at both unraveling clothes, and you.

Just as he finishes off the last button, you can’t hold yourself back any more. Just watching him, as he undresses before you with his eyes locked on your naked body is driving you insane. He is just taking too damn long, he is thoroughly teasing you right now, and the smirk still on his lips tells you he knows exactly what he’s doing to you.

You push up off the bed and move to the edge, grabbing the waist of his pants and yanking him forcefully towards you, mumbling, “get over here already,” as you do.

He chuckles and obliges to your hasty demand, but you only know that because if he didn’t want to move, there is nothing you could do or say to change that. He is like a damn brick wall when he wants to be. Your fingers take no time at all to slip into the waistband of his pants and boxers, grasping them both and pulling them down to free him from their confines. He barely manages to get his dress shirt off his upper half, before you’ve completely exposed his entire lower half.

Your eyes drink in his newly naked form, starting from his face, moving down his broad shoulders, his defined chest, his chiseled abs, the glorious V lines leading directly to his—you gasp quietly the second your eyes land on his perfect cock, all hard, upright and entirely ready for you. Yes, you’ve seen it hundreds of times before, but yet you always manage to forget just how large and intimidating it truly is. Even after many, many times of having it deep within your walls, you still have a slight moment of hesitation at the sight of it. Fear that maybe this time, it won’t actually fit.

But you know it will, you tell yourself it will at least, and that it will feel heavenly as it does. You swear, up and down, that he was made to fit you perfectly. In every single way.

You quickly stand, grabbing his hips and spinning him before you push him down to sit on the edge of the bed. Exactly where you just were, and once he is settled down, you drop down to your knees and rest your hands upon his. Your eyes finally, reluctantly, leave the impressive appendage between his thick thighs, as they flick them up to lock with his. You hold the direct contact as you slowly, so damn slowly, move your hands up his powerful thighs, to his hips, then inwards and slowly up his rock solid stomach, over the groves of his abs, to his defined pecs and then to around his neck.

You slip your fingers into his hair again and pull him down to you, molding your lips to his, perfectly. His tongue traces the seam of your lips and you are all too willing to grant him access to any part of you that he so wishes. You part your lips and his tongue delves into your mouth, causing a soft moan to echo in your throat. And the sound only stands to spur him onwards.

His arms wrap around you, and you had planned to taste him, to get him entirely ready for you using just your mouth alone, but his patience seems to be gone now. He doesn’t want to wait any longer as he pulls you up to straddle his waist. One of his large hands grabs the back of your neck, to keep your lips glued to his, while the other splays out on your lower back, pressing your aching and needy core down onto the solid and hot product of his arousal. The very reason you’re core is even needy to begin with.

You grin into the kiss as you get a wicked idea, and begin to move yourself against him. Which causes him to inhale sharply, before groaning out at the delicious feel of you rubbing yourself thoroughly along his entire length.

“Fuck,” he breaths out, gripping your hair a little tighter, and helping your movements with strategic presses on your lower back. “You have no idea how badly I wanted to do this all day, today.”

“Oh?” You question innocently, as you pull back enough to look down at him. “Thought about this a few times today, did you?”

He gives you a pointed, but still completely heated look. One that reads of his need to have you, his need to claim you entirely for himself. His craving to make you his once again, just as he has many, many times before. The same craving needs you are all too aware are probably playing upon your features, as well. Mirroring his deep desires right back at him.

“You know I did,” he says in such a throaty tone, it sends a shiver down your spin, as he shakes his head. “You wore that damn pencil skirt today to tease me, didn’t you?”

You fight the smirk begging to form and shrug your shoulders instead, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” But you do, you totally do. Because you totally did wear it to tease him.

He narrows his eyes knowingly at you, and before you can even comprehend what is going on, your entire world flips and you find yourself pinned to the bed. The larger than life form of your boyfriend hovering over you now.

“I’m sure you don’t,” he hums lowly as he grinds himself roughly against you, ripping a loud moan from deep within you; about as deep as you’re hoping he’ll be soon enough, if he would just hurry the hell up already.

“Steve,” you whine breathlessly.

And that is met with that damn smirk again, the ass. “Yes, my love?”

“Hurry it up already, I still have to put dinner,” your words abruptly end there when he grinds the length of him against you once more.

He chuckles, but then one large hand cradles the back of your head, gripping your hair tightly, as the fingers of the other dig deliciously into your hip. But only for a moment, before his fingertips slide delicately down your thigh, to grip the back of your knee, and pull your leg up to hook onto his hip. And then in one smooth, but hasty movement, he thrusts himself deep within you.

And you gasp at the sudden intrusion, the overwhelming feeling of being entirely too full and filled. A glorious shiver rips up your spin, as he stays perfectly still for a moment, giving you a chance to settle around him, around his sheer size. Your mind reminds you that your earlier fears were, once again, entirely wrong. Of course he’d fit within you perfectly, he always did. You were made to fit him, just as he was made to fill you.

“Fuck. You feel so fucking good,” he praises, his voice hoarse and thick with his desire.

Your arms wrap around him, as your hands grip tightly to his shoulder blades. And when you can’t take the lack of movement any longer, you begin to rock your hips against him in any effort to increase the pleasure you’re currently feeling. He gets the hint quickly, and pulls back, almost leaving you entirely, before he snaps his hips forward and buries himself deep within you once again.

You clench your eyes shut and moan at the delicious sensations starting to take over your entire body from his knowing and thoroughly practised and perfected movements, and before long he is picking up his pace. Driving into you at an alarming rate, but it’s exactly the way you like it. And with every tantalizing drag of his hard cock along your inner walls, every delicious push and pull of his long and girthy length, the coil deep within your lower half begins to tighten. His hand grips your thigh, searching for any purchase he can find, and alternating between forcefully firm squeezes and gentle caresses of his fingertips along your flushed and heated skin.

“Open your eyes, Doll. Look at me,” he commands.

And he doesn’t have to tell you twice, your eyes snap open and lock with his, as you scrap your nails down his back, before your hands settle on his perfectly round ass. Gripping the plump globes firmly on every inward thrust, helping to push him deeper within you with each one. You want more—no, you need more.

“Faster, baby,” you plead, smacking his ass just enough to create one sharp cracking sound to echo around the room, and to help spur him on further. He loves when you do that, almost as much as you do.

His lips crash into yours, now claiming every part of you that he can with his hand, his lips and his cock. Turns out the smack worked exactly as you’d hoped it would, as he picks up his pace even further. Slamming into you relentlessly now, and causing your muscles to begin to tighten up as you near your first peak, and the free fall to follow it.

He groans, as his lips leave yours and begin to travel down to your jaw, then to your neck, leaving a hot trail of marks in their wake. And you are so close now, so fucking close.

“Oh God, almost there,” you mutter breathlessly, the words barely above a whisper. Even in your hazy mind, you know there is no point in telling him that. He knows your body well enough by now to know how truly close you actually are.

With a few more powerful thrusts, you are sent tumbling over the edge as your entire body locks up and you let out a loud moan followed by just muttering his name, over and over and over again. As if he’s fucked you so good, so thoroughly, that it’s the only word you know now, the only one you will ever say again.

“Fuck,” he groans, as he continues to pound into you mercilessly throughout your release, shaking slightly as he battles to fight himself from joining you over the cliff’s edge. And you know as your walls flutter and squeeze around him, fully and entirely, that he has to put a solid effort into fighting the urge to finish with you. But his continued movements only stand to drag this all out for you even longer, only stands to make this all that much better just for you. And as you finally start to come down for the high of the feelings he just instilled within you, you instantly feel empty, and cold.

You almost whine until he presses one more deep kiss on your lips and then you feel him forcefully flip your dazed form onto your stomach. Gripping your hips and pulling them up into the air, as he positions himself behind you. He rubs himself against your folds a few times, teasing you just a little before he slides fully back in, in another quick thrust.

And before you know it, he’s picked up the pace once more. You thought he was relentless before, but oh boy, how wrong you were, that was nothing compared to his forceful movements now. Your hands grip the bedding as you bounce yourself back into him, matching him thrust for thrust.

“Oh shit, Steve,” you gasp. “Right there. Right fucking there.”

His fingers dig into your hips, as he leans forward over you, and kisses between your shoulder blades. The action not hindering his pace in any way, shape or form. “God,” he groans again. “The things you fucking do to me.”

“The feelings fucking mutual,” you quickly say between shaky breaths, and you meant every damn word. The things this man does to you, the feelings he evokes within you, it’s all too much and yet, not enough. You feel that delicious coil deep within you start to tighten up once more, and you can’t wait for it to snap all over again.

His thrusts start to get a little sloppier, as his fingers dig further into the skin of your hip, and you’re positive there will be marks there for at least the next few days. But you don’t care. You can’t bring yourself to give a single fuck at the moment. You just want to feel his release, to experience your second one of the night.

One of his hands leaves your hip, and slips between your legs, his experienced fingers locating your little bundle of nerves, and making quick work of finding the perfect pace that gets you every damn time. Then with a few more powerful and deep drags of his full length along your walls, partnered with the delightful circles on your clit, you are shoved off the cliff's edge once again.

A loud cry rips from your lips as you feel him release along with you, filling you up so damn perfectly, and sending a shutter through you at the feeling of his hot spurts deep within you. Thank God for your IUD, as this is one of your favourite feelings in the world and you can’t do the condom thing with him anymore. You just can’t. Nothing beats the feel of his bare skin within yours, or of his warm release filling you so fully and completely. Just as his cock always does.

He groans deeply in your ear before he slumps to his side, bringing you along with him as he stays buried deep inside your core. His arms wrapping around you and cuddling you up against the heated and tacky skin of his chest. You both take a moment to come back down, allowing your heart rate and breathing to slow.

After a few moments his hand moves the disheveled hair from your shoulder, and his plump lips meet the soft skin below your ear. “You aren’t allowed to wear that damn skirt to work ever again,” he whispers against your skin.

“Oh, and why not, Boss?” You ask innocently, knowing full well exactly why, but wanting to hear him say the words.

He nips your skin lightly at the use of that silly nickname, “because I can’t handle the way it fits you like a second skin. Every time you enter my office, all I want to do is rip the damn thing off you, and take you on my desk, but I know I can’t.”

“You can’t?” You inquire playfully, turning to glance over your shoulder at him. But you know full well that you both agreed to keep your relationship entirely out of the office. From an outside and unknowing eye, no one would be able to tell you both had been together for years. You agreed in the very beginning to keep your relationship to non-work hours only, and being the workaholics you both are, it’s worked perfectly for you ever since. Most of your coworkers don’t even know you are a couple, or that you live together, and let alone that you own this apartment together for the last year and a half.

“You know exactly why I can’t,” he says knowingly behind you. Then he slips out from within you, leaving you with that depressingly empty and cold feeling once again, but you ignore it as you shift to turn around and face him. Pressing a soft kiss against his lips once you do.

You hum, nodding, “that I do, but don’t expect me to never wear that skirt again.” You pull back and grin up at him cheekily, “It’s one of my favourites, and the way you look at me when I’m wearing it is just far too enjoyable to stop.”

He groans, playfully, shaking his head, “tease.”

“I may be a tease,” you agree, shrugging as nonchalantly as you can, but the growing grin on your lips gives away your cheeky next words, “but I always make up for it after hours.”

“You do have a point there,” he agrees and gives you a beautiful smile, before leaning in to kiss you once again.

But just as his lips meet yours, a loud buzzer goes off and you jerk away from him. “What the hell was that?”

He chuckles as he pecks your lips once more and reluctantly pulls himself out of the bed. “Dinner. I put it in when I first got home and set the timer.”

You chuckle at the knowledge that you’d missed a bunch more noises upon his arrival home. How the hell hadn’t you heard any of that? Damn, might be time to get your ears checked out soon. You glance up at him, “you’re utter perfection, you know that?”

“I know,” he smirks smugly, before he laughs at himself, shaking his head at his antics as he picks up his discarded boxers and heads towards the bathroom to clean himself up.

“And oh so very humble too,” you playfully reply with an eye roll, before you watch his glorious ass move into the small room, not missing the light red outline of four little fingers on his right cheek. You giggle softly to yourself before you release a deep contented sigh as you just continue to lay there, in perfect after sex bliss.

When he reemerges, only wearing low sitting boxers, you almost drool all over yourself. He walks over to the dresser, grabbing a fresh pair of panties for you, and then collects your discarded pjs off the floor near the end of the bed, before he heads to your side and places them down next to you. He leans over you, kissing you sweetly and then whispers, “though if either of us is utter perfection here, it’s definitely you.”

You giggle again, gently pushing him away by his shoulders, “flatterer.”

“I only speak the truth,” he hums and quickly pecks your lips once more, then he takes your hands and gently helps you out of bed. “I’ll go deal with dinner while you get cleaned up.”

“Sounds perfect,” you smile, stealing one more kiss before you collect your clothes and head for the bathroom, desperately needing an after sex pee. Because, ya know, nobody wants a UTI. You laugh to yourself softly at that last thought as you slip into the bathroom, your eyes glancing over your shoulder to catch one more glimpse of the perfect man you love. And your breath hitches at just the mere sight of him half naked, just like it has many, many times before. And probably will many, many more times in the future.

Because regardless of what he says or believes, he is the true perfection within this relationship. Even with his flaws, faults and blemishes, you wouldn’t change a damn thing about him.

Because he is just so Perfectly Perfect.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tagging my errythang list, not sure if all of you will be interested in this. So just ignore this is you aren’t down for horrible smut 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

@caps-lockdown @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @tfandtws @boxofteenageideas @wangdeasang @giggleberts @strawberry-gothchild @theonelittleone @agentbadbitch @ratwrites @starrystellars @bandsandanimefreak @rockyroadthepastryarchy @lovvliies @cuffski @icesoccerer @alwaysright4 @lilsthethrills @steeeeverogers @zombiepotterfour @mu-mu-rs @ledandan1244 @straightforwardly @denzmallows @xremember-me-notx @gwynethjodie @lollipopdomination @capstopavenger @jemimah-b99 @rcvenqers @justkending @alagalaska @silent-loucidity @sabertooth-potato @pies-wands-and-more @gabriella69816 @phantom-soilder @wordlesscaptain @captain-hammer-of-asgard @starstucknature @viarogers @pixieferry @kaithezaftig @the-kinkiest-goblin @hysterically-original @badassbeckettswan @heyiamthatbitch @zlixlle @capsicledoll @givemehopenfandoms @pretendingandpreposterous @frozen-phoenix17 @emotionallysalty @saturngirlz @atomicsludgedonutbiscuit @ivannagotthebeat @bohemian-barbie @marvelous-capsicle @steverogersxreader @cjhorseback @jasminecalia @secondstar2disney @jessiedaeum @betsynodak @capricornprince118 @just-ladyme @pinkleopardss @drayshadow @sister-of-stars @wiserebelpartypie @dark-night-sky-99​ @patzammit​ @cs-please @troublermalik @bratstopmom @anika-ann @wxstedhexrt​ @rynabarnesrogers @ab-baybay @scentedsongrebel @captainchrisstan @kelbabyblue @fckdeusername @murdermornings @dreamlesswonder86 @intricate-melody @fiannaofficial @jeremyrennermakesmesmile @nomadics-stuff @hufflepuffvs

[divinaes-bookofsecrets]

Private. Hello there I would like a spirit guide reading please -Rochelle (RS) ♉️

Hello 👋hi 👋 (🌺Rs)Rochelle are you a 🐂 ♉?

Really ... if I guessed you correctly you are Taurus in your natal birth chart (I am an aspiring astrologist and zlso do in-depth Astrology Reports based off of your natal birth charting so please do nog hesitate to ask for That next !

Your SpiritGuide is Cressida

💎🦋Galactic-Arctic Fox🦋💎

She is a mystical interterrestrial being from a galaxy through another realm not too far away but just out of reach !

Cressida has been with you since 2018 and should remain by your side as a companion, spiritual guardian 🙏 ✨ and your synchronicity lessons for the rest of your life.

Why is Cressida with me and trying to help or heal my situation and past situations or for future situations anyways? Well.. heres an in depth description of what this particular animal spirit totem means ..

Whats Cressida doing? How can I place her in my life and recognize her?

🦋Whether the White Arctic Fox appears in dreams, visions, waking life or synchronicities, it is a sign and message that you are to keep going, amid the test of your nature and character. Some powerful forces are working on your behalf to sort things out in a favorable outcome or way soon. Whatever you may be going through will soon pass. These tests and trials have made you stronger, and giving in is for the weak. You should realize how far you have come. You will be arriving to a place of rest and completeness soon. 🦋The Arctic Fox is a sign to trust yourself, above trusting anything or one outside of you. At least for the purpose of clarity. IN other words, it is time to pause, breathe, and receive insights from your oversoul or higher self. As a seeker of truth, you cannot allow someone or something else to dilute what you sense. Take time out to refuel so that you can come from a place of neutrality.🦋 You will need to be stubborn in a forthcoming opportunity and trust your instincts. Even if you collaborate with others, or cooperate with them, you must keep your eyes open as no one can look out for you the way that you can for yourself. In other words, watch your own back. Don’t give that responsibility entirely to others.🦋 The Arctic Fox teaches us that, we are only beings and we are all doing things to survive. Your trust is only owed to a higher source. You can cooperate with others, but the key is to look out for yourself always. Don’t just expect others to put you first. 🦋Always follow up, and if possible do things yourself when it comes to projects that require your creativity. The White Arctic Fox is a message that you want others to be better than what they are showing you. In other words, you are looking at the aspect of how a person can be and not what or who they truly are. If you are a part of a group of people who are being intentionally deceptive, it is best to clear up your acts now rather than later. 🦋The Arctic White Fox is about seeing beyond what we are shown, and hearing beyond what we are told. Your psychic senses will be heightened at this time.💎 Pay attention to what is being revealed. 🧿

⚠️This message isn't, obviously resonant with all whose paths it crosses, as perhaps you may come into contact with someone of this vernacular, mastery or skill. Therefore, it is a sign from the universe that you're meant to work with such a person. ⚠️

🦋What does She look like? 🥀

Her fur is multidimensional and is actually the softest known material other than silk in this universe and all other universes including hidden realms..

Since she is a Galactic Arctic Fox you'll expect to see that she looks rather like a regular Arctic White Fox from our home planet Earth🌍But has different highlights and dimensions to her skin and her fur body. She has *fur tattoos* which are blue-- they represent the Element Water(do you have a lot of water 💧in your natal birth charting , I suspect you do 😉 )Her fur tattoos are like a war paint that was branded onto her when she became fully mature and with the seasons her other markings show up - each season - has a different shade of white to blue hue or even teal like transference that takes place , its quite magickal to see.

What is Cressida's personality like?

🦋Cressida has a strong, but warm and gentle but also courageous and brave personality and soul as a Galzctic Arctic Fox 💙 ❤ 💖 She conducts herself with a sense if integrity in every situation(no matter what!) 🦋Integrity is a personal trait that has strong moral principles and core values and then conducting your life with those as your guide.🦋 She has a lot of compassion for all of humanity but especially you (Rs) ♉ This character traits example feels deep sympathy and pity for the suffering and misfortune of others, and you have a desire to do something to alleviate their suffering..She sees that you may be suffering maybe and has messages for you just about to come up .. old on we need to finish her character profile (bio)

🦋Cressida is an honest Galactic fox just as much of them are but there are more certainly the few bunches who are so mischievous that they are notdared to be messed with (worse than the worst fae)

🦋She has strong reliability. This SpiritGuidr's character quality can be consistently depended upon to follow through on your/her commitments, actions, and decisions. She does what she says you she will do.🥀🌍(88% of the time)

😷She hopes you wear a mask because she is very worried and concerned about your welfare during this coronairus. Please don't fall asleep 😴 🙏 😫 😪 😩 😭yet 😴you'll miss her message for you... im going to stop talking zbout her personality there id so much lol.

What is my SpiritGuide messages?

Cressida has a numerology message she has been sending you many other synchronicity but she asks that you pay attention next for the number # 536 if you haven't seen it by now already...

WHATS IT MEAN ANYWAYS?

Number 536 is a blend of the energies and attributes of number 5 and number 3, and the vibrations of number 6. Number 5 resonates with major life changes, making important choices and decisions, promotion and advancements, adaptability and versatility, personal freedom and individuality, life lessons learned through experience and resourcefulness. Number 3 offers assistance and encouragement, communication and enthusiasm, growth, expansion and the principles of increase, broad-minded thinking, self-expression, talent and skills. Number 3 also resonates with the energies of the Ascended Masters. Number 6 relates to love of home, family and domesticity, honesty and integrity, responsibility, compassion and empathy, finding solutions, grace and gratitude, the ability to compromise, emotional depth, provision and providing and the material aspects of life.

Angel Number 536 brings a message from your angels to maintain a positive attitude in regards to your monetary and financial circumstances as changes are taking place that will ensure that your material and monetary needs are met. Your positive affirmations, prayers and optimistic outlook have manifested opportunities to attract prosperity and abundance into your life. Trust that your Spirit Guide(s) especially Cressida.. will surround, support and guide you through these important changes.

Number 536 is a message to trust that the changes you may be going through are happening for your highest good. These changes may involve your career choices, your place of residence and/or an important relationship. Your angels support you through these changes and offer guidance and assistance to make transitions easier. Trust that these changes will have positive effects on your life and will ensure a continued supply of abundance to meet your daily wants and needs.

Number 536 encourages you to move forward with positive plans and ideas as they will prove to be most beneficial in all ways for yourself and your loved ones. 

Spiritual Messages...

Cressida wants you to be inspired, creative and most of all live out your destiny!!

🙏 Please take this advice seriously! You need to think about:

Surrounding yourself with people who reflect the character traits you want to embrace.

🦋They will inspire and motivate you to build these traits in yourself.

🦋Try to avoid people who have a weak character and make bad decisions.

🦋When you live your life being true to yourself and honest with others you manifest positive energies and desired results and outcomes. Speak your truths with gentleness and love and accept others with grace and understanding.

Monthly Message from your Spirit Guide ✨ 💛 ❤ 💖

A creak you hear in the dark could be the settling of an old house, or it could be a burglar creeping on the stairs. Loud voices you hear coming in through the windows could be your neighbors arguing, or it could be those same neighbors sharing good news. The lamp going out on your nightstand could be a sign that electricity has shut down, or it could mean you need a new bulb. There is often more than one way to interpret something, and usually there's nothing to worry about. Remember that today, Taurus, if you are tempted to follow worrisome thoughts. It's more likely there's nothing to worry about.

🦋🌍🦋

This is a great week(jan 11th to jan 17th) for you to finally finish one or two of those big projects you put on hold a while back. You may have thought you would never be able to get to them, but if you actually put this into your schedule and get started, you should see that it will all fall into place, and you'll get everything else done that needs to be done. This is also an ideal time to complete important conversations that were left dangling, maybe because there was no answer at the time, or because someone was being elusive about responding. You should find it easier now to get answers and receive honest reactions. Crossing all of these things off your long list will give you a great sense of satisfaction. You may even find that because of this efficiency, you will be inspired by a new idea that allows you to tap into a talent you have not used lately, and that would be a great idea. You have been very assertive in trying to attract an investor, team member, or partner for some project you want to take on. However, you are advised now to take a wait-and-see approach and be patient. What you need will materialize if you kick back a bit and let it come to you.

Thank you for meeting your Spirit Guide!! If you have any questions, concerns, or additional specific questions to ask your Spirit Guide you can always Astral travel and speak to her directly but; if you prefer that I take another independent in depth dive into your world I will 🌍🦋 🌎 I will answer up to 2 questions per ask Thanks for allowing this experience to take place, please 🙏

🦋Like && Share this post 📫 ✨

Much Love😍 ❤ Divinae

[multiverse-in-archive]

GLaDOS and What She can Potentially Tell Us About Chell’s Character

((So decided to make an analysis, finally, after reading way too much into GLaDOS’s voicelines.

When it comes to blank slate videogame protagonist characters, admittedly I’m the type to analyze them based off of what you can and can’t do in the games they’re in without a consequence of some sort [like death or contradicting one of the few previously established character traits] as well as how the other characters react and interact with them. It’s really all I get to go off of.

Now, I know GLaDOS is not the most reliable resource to analyze Chell off of, considering not only her bitterness and bias, but also that not all of her observations of Chell are accurate. After all, Chell is not mute, just refuses to speak out of spite.

However, she’s the only character we have that has the most insight into Chell as a person, and with things that she’s either exaggerating or straight up lying about, we can distinguish that by what can be observed of her in the gameplay. Plus, with some of them, I doubt she’d bring them up if there was no reason for her to believe bringing them up wouldn’t hold some truth or exploit some sort of insecurity. She’s the calculating type that aims for weak points she sees rather than just throwing shit out and hoping she gets lucky, you know?

“But didn’t she write the files? Or lie about what was in them?”

She may have edited and/or exaggerated them, but I think at least some of the things were already there before she got her hands on them. After all, there’s this. Which would imply that the scientists themselves would have made those comments in the files.

And considering how uncooperative Chell was with her application process [refusingto even speak to HR, answering essay questions with nonsense in bianary] then they’d probably thought rather bitterly of her, and it would reflect in the file.

[Side note, don’t really agree with the Half Life Wiki suggesting that Chell signed up for this {at least, willingly} when everything in the Lab Rat comic pointed to the opposite being the case.]

Now with all that out of the way, let’s finally have a look at some of GLaDOS’s comments about Chell and how they reflect her based off of what we the players see of her in game or what we can infer her reactions are to them by how GLaDOS approaches them.

The Fat Jokes

"Congratulations. Not on the test."

"Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds."  - Portal 2, SIngle Player Campaign, Chapter 2, Test Chamber 3

"Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight."

"You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling."

"Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp." -Portal 2, Single Player Campaign, Chapter 3, Test Chamber 9

“What, but Chell’s not fat-”

Yeah, I know, this is just more about what Chell’s potential response to it is.

And telling by how this tends to be one of GLaDOS’s go to's, it does seem like it’s something that at least annoys her.

Then again, though, it could also be just GLaDOS trying to poke at the most common insecurity among women. And I think GLaDOS even admitted to that being the reason she goes to it so often here and here. So it’s really up to interpretation.

Though personally, I think it’s something that annoys Chell but at the same time it doesn’t really get to her, if it makes sense? Just a nuisance at worst.

Comments on Chell’s Parentage [or Lack Thereof]

"It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too." -Portal, Boss Battle, After Curiosity Core is destroyed

"Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep." -Portal 2, Single Player Campaign, Chapter 2, Test Chamber 3

"I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world." - Portal 2, Single Player Campaign, Chapter 3, Test Chamber 15

"I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time." -Portal 2, Single Player Campaign, Chapter 3, Test Chamber 16

"I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it." -Portal 2, Single Player Campaign, Chapter 3, Test Chamber 17

Surprisingly the orphan/adopted jokes are actually fewer than I remember. With how Wheatley tried to imitate GLaDOS by throwing around “fatty” and making a comment about Chell being adopted that one time, I kinda thought that it was almost as common as the fat jokes.

Though, to be fair, the adoption comment goes back as far as the end of Portal, and GLaDOS actually did a whole bit where she pretended that she found Chell’s parents. So it left more of an impression on me than the fat comments actually did.

As for whether or not it’s true? It’s most likely. After all, the adoption/orphan comments are protocol for specifically dealing with orphan test subjects. Also in general Aperture seems to have it out for orphans in that test subject type listing thing. [credit to the-wheatley-core go check them out cowards-]

"But Chell’s a daughter from bring your daughter to work d-"

The file said she’s adopted, so ye. Adopted daughter is still daughter.

Furthermore, the Bring your Daughter to Work Day incident probably orphaned Chell all over again, so she’s like. An orphan twice over.

As for Chell’s feelings on this? I think from what GLaDOS says here that Chell probably did not take the surprise very well. Granted, she probably wasn’t expecting it to actually be anything good. She probably didn’t have her hopes up. But she was probably seriously pissed that GLaDOS went through all that trouble just for it to lead to... nothing. All for the sake of mocking her.

Further implied by GLaDOS rubbing salt in the wounds.

I think this would mean that this is a bit of a sore spot for Chell in general and that this was one of the few moments that genuinely upset her.

Calling Chell a Horrible Person [and a Loner]

"You're not a good person. You know that, right?"

"Good people don't end up here." -Portal, during the later part of the Escape

"All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are."

"It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned." -Portal, Boss Battle, After Curiosity Core is destroyed

"Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that." -Portal 2, Single Player Campaign, Chapter 2, Test Chamber 2

GLaDOS really goes into calling Chell a bad person. There’s like. So many instances of this.

Though I don’t believe that Chell’s a bad person necessarily, there can be some things that might make one believe she is [outside of bias and clear guilt tripping/gaslighting].

If you’ve read my Chell headcanon shit, you might remember that I state that I think that Chell’s a rather spiteful person. Not only does she stubbornly refuse to speak purely to spite Aperture as a whole, but it’s implied from her file that she gave the scientists a lot of grief, to the point they recommend not ever testing her [it’s stated to be her tenacity, but tbh I think for Chell spite was at least a major motivatorfor her tenacity. After all, what else did she have?]. And once again, it seems that they view her rather bitterly if GLaDOS didn’t put that in the file herself.

Not to mention that GLaDOS manipulates her into destroying the Morality Core by appealing to her spite. After all, it’s not possible in game to simply do as she says and return it to her. You have to destroy it.

Even Wheatley caught onto Chell acting out of spite. He tried appealing to that when trying to convince her to get onto the conveyer belt to the mashy spike plate.

As for the loner bit, that seems to hold true to, considering how well Chell took the isolation she had to suffer. As far as she knew in the first game [at least at first], she was all alone and didn't so much as crack.

Not to mention in the second games the other characters' reactions imply that she's rather standoffish overall.

That combination can lead to someone being rather... difficult to work with...

But to be honest, I think she’s also capable of compassion, or at least mercy, and can be cooperative if she finds you trustworthy enough.

For the compassion [or mercy depending on how you view it] I have some examples that I’ll elaborate on in the Companion Cube and Wheatley sections, but there’s a couple of others I can get into.

Remember when I said I partially judge a blankslate character based off of what is and isn’t an option gameplaywise that doesn’t result in consequence.

Not only is it optional to save the Oracle Turret without consequence, but it even rewards you with an achievement and some neat foreshadowing from the character.

Then there is the time that Chell found GLaDOS at her lowest; a potato, being eaten alive by a bird.

Now, gameplaywise, you can’t advance without PotaTOS, hell, PotaTOS sits on the switch in the nest you find her in, but story and characterwise, Chell could have just went on her way, let her suffer the her fate at the hands [or talons/beak] of the bird. And yet she scared the bird off of her.

And it’s not like she knew that the place was going to self destruct or that she needed GLaDOS to survive, because that wasn’t brought up until after Chell scared the bird away.

As for the cooperativeness, I want to elaborate more on that when I get to Wheatley’s section, but I will say, she did work pretty well with GLaDOS in the later half of the game, despite how shakey their alliance was. Even risking her life to disconnect Wheatley from the chasis long enough for GLaDOS to fix everything. Just going off of the slim chance that she could survive it with GLaDOS’s intervention. It was no guarantee, she probably would have thought she was dead either way if she didn’t have at least a sliver of a thought that GLaDOS would pull her back in to safety.

Now imagine how well she'd probably work with you if she genuinely believed in her partnership with you.

It may have gotten a bit off track there, but my point is that GLaDOS is not completely unfounded with her being “unlikable”. It’s clear that she holds a lot of resentment for her situation and reacts spitefully because of it, and that combined with her being a rather distant person can make it hard to deal with her [and in fact might be a deal breaker for some], but at the same time, she’s not completely unreasonable and bitchy just so long as you’re either harmless or have good intentions.

Chell’s Sense of Fashion

"That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'"

"Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!" -Portal 2, SIngle Player Campaign, Chapter 3, Test Chamber 15

Now, this is probably the shortest one because this is the only instance [that I know of] where GLaDOS pokes fun at her sense of fashion. And since it never comes up again, this is probably something that she sensed did not bother Chell one bit.

Though telling by how Chell had the upper half of her jumpsuit folded down and tied around her waist to expose her tops, it does seem like she cares about fashion a tad [probably favors both fashion and function], but doesn’t seem to care what other people think of her tastes, just what she likes.

The Companion Cube

"While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."

"You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations." Portal, Test Chamber 17

"Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry."

"Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto."

"I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them."  Portal 2, SIngle Player Campaign, Chapter 2, Test Chamber 7

Ah the faithful Companion Cube, everyone’s best friend. And an instance where GLaDOS tries to emotionally torment Chell while still trying to pass herself off as a automated voice back in the first game.

Is the cube truly sentient? I don’t know.

Does Chell care about it? I don’t think GLaDOS would have brought them back in the second game and taunt her with them if she didn’t believe it would cause Chell some distress.

She even gives it back to her after setting her free.

Whether or not it can talk or feel anything, I think it’s clear that Chell is rather fond of it.

Side note, I swear to god throughout Test Chamber 17 in the first game I heard like. Soft, faint humming whenever I held it. Am I just crazy? Did any of you guys experience that too? help-

Wheatley

"I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy."

"The other? Well..."

"I don't think I want to go through that again." -Portal 2, Co-op Campaign, Unlocking Course 4 for the first time

I don’t know about you, but I’m fairly certain the team she’s talking about is Chell and Wheatley. There is literally no other pair that would fit that description that we know of. Sure, she didn’t destroy Wheatley [literally, anyways], but he is her definition of an imbicel that she had to deal with. And Chell has not worked with anyone else before Wheatley [Not directly anyways], and it’s pretty obvious that “the other” is who GLaDOS was referring to.

And while she didn’t get to see all they did together, she witnessed Chell put enough of her trust in him to follow him to escape, even despite her best efforts, and she bared witness to the fruit of their labor later.

I think she sensed a sort of chemistry between them, noticed how well they worked together. She even felt the need to ask permission to kill him. She probably wouldn’t have if she didn’t have reason to believe that Chell was at least at one point close to him.

So that begs the question; does she really believe Chell actually did all the work?

I don’t think so.

Again, she witnessed Chell faithfully follow Wheatley, so it’s reasonable to assume that she was following his lead. Not to mention that this is not a type of strategy that Chell has attempted on her own before. Chell’s strategy in the first game was to simply to bide her time, portal in and out when the opportunity arises, destroy shit, and just wander until she got results, basically [she was kinda following Rattmann's directions, though]. This strategy was too subtle, too quiet, to be Chell’s. She even said so herself; "And now I'monto all of your little tricks." And she'd recognized that this is not how she do.

Not to mention that they all know that Wheatley knows Aperture and all its inner workings better than Chell, so even if she wanted to sabotage anything, she wouldn’t know what and where they were.

I believe she saw an opertunity to split them apart in the form of Wheatley’s betrayal. More specifically to turn Chell against him. After all, she was very quiet until he lowered the lift back down.

Of course that backfired into her turning Wheatley against Chell and Wheatley promptly turning her into a potato. Opps-

“But if they were as close as GLaDOS believed them to be, why didn’t she catch Wheatley? After all, it’s not an option to catch him in game.”

Well remember, Chell has only just met him at this point, so it’s fair that she doesn’t immediately trust him with what she’s been through. Not to mention that the last time that a core was dropped, it was a trap.

Though, I believe after that, she realized he was sincere and steadily warmed up to him. It’s never an option to drop him whenever you pick him up, after all. Now granted, you can’t progress if you could drop him down a pit, but I think characterwise we can assume that she’s just unwilling to do so, regardless of how useful he was to her in those instances.

Furthermore, I think she grew to trust him throughout chapters 3, 4, and 5, as again, she very willingly followed his lead and had faith that he would help bust her out, waiting patiently for him to do so.

Sure, she diverted a bit to flesh out his plan some [although if you wait long enough at the turret assembly line, he does tell you what to do, so this could be another instance of her following his lead without question, though I like to think because of her problem solving skills that she does it herself, but either way!], but it’s still his plan that she’s trusting him with regardless.

Plus, I think Wheatley being as casual with her as he was during chapter 5 is implication that they both felt safe with each other at that point. At least, as safe as you can feel when hiding from a pissed off over powered blood lusting AI while being forced to wander around in the dark with only a flashlight to guide you.

And yet she kept him at arm's length by not speaking to him. I doubt it was anything personal against him though, so much as it's become a long time habit and way of protecting herself at this point. So long as they were both still in Aperture, anything could happen. So to her, keeping an emotional distance from him and not verbally responding was probably the safest bet.

That, however, was what made it so easy for GLaDOS to destroy their partnership. The lack of communication would ultimately lead Wheatley to believe that Chell did not appreciate all his help, that she agreed with her even.

Chell's shutting him out ultimately led to a self fulfilling prophecy.

Welp, this took all fucking day to write, but here we go. Hope this made sense. This is just my interpretation, so take it with a grain of salt. Hope it was a fun read either way, and if I’m mistaken on something, feel free to let me know. ^^

Edit: Fixed some grammar and other mistakes, elaborated on some points, aaaaand gave credit to the little snippit of the low risk human acquisitionthing siiiince I did not get that myself-))

[politicaltheatre]

Dissent

We’ll know soon enough what kind of Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett will be. Senate Democrats will stall the proceedings as much as they can and try to drag things out so a confirmation vote can’t be taken until after the election, but we must accept that the odds and senate protocols are against them.

Publicly, Democrats up and down the ticket are claiming that their fear is that a Barrett confirmation will kill the Affordable Care Act (ACA) in the middle of a pandemic, and they very well may be right. That, however, isn’t their true fear.

The one they’ll voice when Barrett gets in front of them and the TV cameras is that she would support her benefactor Donald Trump in any lawsuit his people file in their attempts to decide the election through the courts, which they most certainly will do.

Trump’s already said as much. It’s part of his campaign pitch. He’s boasting about it at rallies. He’s counting on it.

As stupid as he often appears, and as stupid as he is about so many things, Trump understands corruption. He lives it and breathes it. He is a bona fide expert in it, so we should listen.

What he, Mitch McConnell, and others who embrace corruption understand is what far too many of us refuse to admit, which is that there is no such thing as an independent judiciary, that there is no such thing as an impartial judge.

This is not to suggest that Judge Barrett is corrupt. The awful truth of it is that she doesn’t have to be. She is reliably right wing, which is more than enough.

Barrett clerked for Justice Antonin Scalia. Like her mentor, she believes that the law does not exist to protect the weak from the strong. It does not exist, in their world, to reduce or correct imbalances of power. It is, instead, an instrument and only that, one by which the capable may exercise their will over others.

As brilliant as he was and as brilliant as she may be, theirs is the law of the school debate team. To them, winning isn’t about being right, it’s about domination. You can be wrong, morally and reprehensibly, but know the law and know how to wield it as a weapon and you will dominate your opponent time and again.

It is the triumph of short term thinking. To those embracing this view, there is nothing beyond that victory, no consequence beyond it, and no effect on the world beyond it.

If you think they’re wrong, prove it. Challenge them. Bend precedent to your will. Apply the logic of allowable facts. Prepare better. Go for the jugular. Destroy your enemy or meekly and silently accept your defeat.

Theirs is a faithless law, even more so because it divorces the law from the humans its verdicts, opinions, and decisions affect.

It is strange, then, but not surprising that Republicans and their surrogates have preemptively sought to place resistance to Barrett’s nomination on her religion. Their hope is to obscure the beliefs that truly make her dangerous, the irony being that Catholicism is not truly at the root of it.

Yes, there are strains and sects of Catholicism that preach the virtues of authority and hierarchy. These are the ones that sided with the fascists in their rise to power in Europe and protected sexually abusive clergy for so very, very long.

There are, however, also dissenting branches, including the one currently led by Pope Francis, that preach compassion and the virtues of equality. It was the former that led to those centuries of abuse and institutional corruption; it is the latter, we should all hope Catholics and non-Catholics alike, that will redeem the Church of both.

So, while Barrett’s affinity for a brand of Catholicism that embraces authority and power as chief virtues may inform her legal opinions, it is not what motivates them. That motivation, again, would be an honest, sincere belief that the right to demand accountability resides exclusively with those who have the power to demand it and the resources to dominate those in their way.

Trump may not have thought this through as thoroughly as that. McConnell may not have either, for that matter. All McConnell cares about is having judges in place who will protect him and corrupt people in power just like him. All Trump cares about is having judges who will protect him and him alone.

Oh, and that this pick is big “fuck you” to Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg and everyone who adores her still. Trump loves that, too.

What Ginsberg represented, more than simply being a woman with the gumption to tell men like Trump and McConnell that they were wrong, was the power of dissent.

Dissent is more than just an exercise in freedom of speech, it is an act of empowerment, both for those voicing their disagreement and for the institutions in which they voice them. The purpose of dissent is to improve the institution, to save it from the corruption that would bring it down.

Ginsberg believed that whatever was wrong in the United States, it could and should be saved. To suggest that something could and should be improved is not disloyal but courageous. To criticize an institution is not pessimistic but the opposite, because to criticize it you must believe than it has the ability to improve.

That wish for the institution to be saved and to succeed is essential to dissent. It cannot be dissent without it.

By that measure, a lot of kinds of protest are dissent, and a lot of others very much are not. Refusing to wear a mask in a store, for example, is not dissent. Driving your car through a protest is not dissent. Silencing a reporter is not dissent. Cheating on your taxes is not dissent (Actually, cheating on anything is not dissent. Breaking the rules just because you want to win is despicable).

All of these examples undermine the communities in which we live. They pit us against each other and as a result weaken the bonds we need as a society in order to survive.

So, dissent is essential, it is part of our immune system, and in a democracy it is everything.

The legal right to dissent is relatively new to the human experience. Just a few centuries ago, speaking out against an authority’s decision was almost (and literally) unheard of. The opinions and decisions of powerful men and women from monarchs and clerics down to local landowners were absolute. To challenge them was treason and heresy. The penalty for either was the same: a painful, public death.

Around the world today we see example after example of authoritarian regimes denying the right to dissent and punishing it. Whether they are nominally Capitalist, such as Russia or Turkey, or nominally Communist, such as China, suppression of dissent is what truly determines what kind of life those they rule must lead.

To be left wing - truly and properly left wing - is to hold oneself accountable to others because we want them to be accountable to us. The ability to voice and listen to dissent is what makes that work.

With every non-unanimous Supreme Court decision, there is a majority opinion and a minority, “dissenting” one. There may also be concurring opinions to either. They are published together. It is the majority opinion that rules, but the reason for the inclusion of the others is that they may persuade those reading them to change their minds. In this way, each voice on the Court matters, each mind, and each opportunity to influence the voices and minds of those the Court serves.

The Supreme Court is the last federal institution where majority rule still holds true. The Electoral College and Senate disproportionately favor rural, right wing voters and have increasingly done so for decades. That makes this appointment the natural result, and with it will come things the Left correctly fears.

Barrett may very well support overturning decisions on the ACA and Roe v Wade, but, perhaps more disturbingly, she may support overturning the decisions that equalized LGBT rights and banned forced prayer in schools.

Again, this will not be because she is Catholic but because she believes that those in power, be they school boards or business owners, have the right to decide who has rights within their schools and businesses and who does not. If you don’t like that, you’ll just have to gain power yourself, or find a new school, or a new job, or a new bakery.

It will likely be a long time before Justice Barrett has to write a dissenting opinion. It will take the retirement or death of at least one of the right wing justices, and that may not happen for a decade or more.

There has been talk of Democrats stacking the Court with left wing justices. This would be a tragic mistake. Even talking about it is a mistake. If the Democrats did it next year, the Republicans could do it when they took power, and so on, and so on, and so on.

Meanwhile, it would corrupt and erode any confidence in any legal opinion issued by the Supreme Court or any of the lower courts, and with that whatever last shred of trust Americans had in government would be gone.

The better solution, one long overdue, would be to fix the imbalance of power in the Electoral College and the Senate. This would be done by admitting the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico as states and by splitting California into two or three states.

Doing so would add eight or ten senators and at least two voting representatives. This would not only repair some of the imbalance between right wing and left wing voters in this country, it would make it easier to pass new amendments to the Constitution, such as preserving the right to abortion, mandating health care as a right, setting term limits for all federal judges, and eliminating the Electoral College once and for all.

There would be resistance to this, of course. There would be dissent. And those offering genuine dissent should always be listened to. We fail to do so at our own expense.

Dissent is one of the prices we pay for democracy. It is sloppy. It is chaotic. It takes work and it takes time. However, much like our own immune systems, it must be flexible and robust to withstand change and adapt to new conditions.

That is the world Ruth Bader Ginsberg fought for. That is the world we should fight for, too.

- Daniel Ward

[lilmajorshawty]

The 4th Wall 📰

Aries in the 4th house cusp:

Boxing ring

Everything on an instinctual level is felt with much force. There is a level of heat and passion boiling in the inner cauldron of your heart and no matter how watery your chart or how reserved you present yourself, deep down you are a force to be reckoned with and struggle with avoiding some sort of confrontation or even instigating it in some fashion especially with loved ones or when in a place you perceive as “home.” You can be demanding but also Independent. You want your love unions to be passionate and authentic but can lack a level of diplomacy and co-tactics when it comes down to actually working with your partner. Sex and some sort of drive are deep emotional needs for you and at your core you’re very much so confident and self aware of who you are.

Taurus in the 4th house cusp:

Camp fire

Often quiet and obstinate you carry yourself with a inner level of stability and calm. You hate loud and obnoxious energy no matter how much of a fun and outgoing soul you may be. To you reliability and security are FIRST and FOREMOST in life, anything lacking isn’t worth your true emotional involvement. Often you adore the mundane and more sensual aspects of life, be it waking up in the early morning to the smell of breakfast or the soft touches of your dogs wet nose on your cheeks. Intimacy as well as depth matter a great deal to you and no matter how detached of a chart you may have a part of you( a very big part of you) will always crave some sort of authentic and genuine level of closeness and touch. More than most touch starvation can be hard for you and you often need intimate contact both platonic and romantic in some way. Romantically you’re extremely patient and loyal to whom you choose to stay with. Often you value solitude with your lover and can grow very possessive over them once you let your guard down. Deep down you’re tremendously stable and mature.

Gemini in the 4th house cusp:

See-Saw

There’s always this scattered nature to you, as if your mind is nine places at once only stopping to jump to a 10th sphere of fascination. Deep down life is a come and go experience for you and you likely grew up in a communicative upbringing for better or worse, wether it was communicating with your probation officer, wether it was with your parents who valued more detached intimacy, whether it might’ve been learning to survive on your own through means of “communication” you often learned to talk as a means to cope and express. You need a level of mental connectivity in your life and often anything lacking that can push you away greatly. For you it’s about the spark, the ease of communicating with someone on and on without feeling or questioning in your mind wether or not you should laugh or not. At a deep level your anxious and ungrounded and can feel a bit intimidated by the more committed aspects of life. To you a lack of restraint or responsibility even if your mercury sits in the 10th can make you feel at ease. You tend to be very active when at home and for a lover they may feel a bit overwhelmed by your vast mental energy. You often need a best friend in a lover before you let them in emotionally and usually you get very attached to someone who you feel as though you can speak with easily without much strain.

Cancer in the 4th house cusp:

The dinner Table

In some ways you are private, in others you’re warm and welcoming depending on the way the wind blows. You like a level of mystery when it comes to your personal life but can also struggle with being to smothering to others due to your deep need to protect and care for others. At your core you’re a mother. Man or female the divine feminine energy runs deeply within you. Your mom has a great impact on your life and you often take after her in the looks department and in the tendencies department. Your mothers chart has a lot of you in it as well. You can be very moody and often try to hide this part of yourself as you yourself don’t always know how to handle these emotions. Family and sympathy a strong values for you and you’re often attracted to people who are strong but gentle hearted. Romantically you’re so sweet and put everything on the line for the lover albeit you hide them like no bodies business due to your intensely private nature. Deep down you’re as emotional as any crab but also with a level of compassion that many can only admire.

Leo In the 4th house cusp:

The carnival

Often a level of playfulness and childishness characterizes who you really are. You love to enjoy yourself and often find a means of stimulation no matter what the circumstance. You think of yourself quite a bit(which isn’t a bad thing) but it makes it pretty hard to roommate with you of course 😂. You often have a very diva-like persona and a very high sense of your worth in this World. For you the most important thing is feeling as though your interactions and your life choices are always a reflection of your true desires and self. It’s honestly not in your nature to pretend and it can be hard to be around a superficial lot. You put your heart and soul into all you do, which at times can cause you to feel slighted when the same level of enthusiasm is not returned at least one trillion fold. No matter how earthy your chart you have a level of flamboyance and impulsivity that is engrained deep in your heart. You can lack the ability to see past your own pains and woes at times which makes it hard for you to sympathize with others but In that regard you have a huge heart and tend to do anything and everything for those you love! Even if you might complain about it at a later date! Romantically you’re a simple one to please! You just crave a high level of devotion and to be the center of your lovers world and anything lacking in that intensity is not for you.

Virgo in the 4th house cusp:

The Ironing board

You’re a bit more on the soft and passive side deep down. Most people may be a bit taken a back by your reserved nature especially if your have a more fiery chart or even surprised by your lack of emotional readability even if you have a watery chart. You tend to be brutally analytical of your emotions and can be a

Very intense crier because of how much of what you feel that is ignored or pushed away as being childish or unnecessary as deemed by your own mind. In truth you’re very sensitive and have a tremendous soft side for everyone in the world no matter how detached you may seem to those who get to know you better. You make light of tragedies in your life and tend to deal with your trauma by dry humor or even just laughing it off. You don’t like to linger on sadness and aren’t one to speak on your own woes in life so people who are constantly preaching about their angst tend to make you uncomfortable. In a way you view emotions as a weakness so you tend to withhold a great deal of your emotions. A level of depth and mystery surrounds you and your family and you may come from a family that shares a pattern of addiction or OCD in some way. Cleanliness and perfection are themes you live by and you might unfairly hold yourself to unrealistically high standards. Despite high standards you’ve programmed yourself to meet you’re often limitless in your potential and capability and have likely already reached these outrageously high standards you’ve set for yourself which is often why no matter how welcoming and sweet you may be there is always a level of intimidation and awe people feel when in your presence even without knowing you, people already know you’re someone to respect. Romantically you hold back really opening up for quite some time. You need to know they can handle your pain, your rage, your hurt and sadness before you truly open up to them otherwise it’s a waste to you. Animals tend to adore you albeit dogs especially, all animals look to you as if you’re their mother and may act infantile or clingy when in your presence, children as well.

Libra in the 4th house cusp:

The Salon

There’s a huge difference between your sociability and actually “knowing” you. Most people may struggle to have a actual bond with you because of how neatly and politely you keep them at a distance. The deep part of you loves to keep things surface level out of a deep seated fear of “needing” others. You prefer to be alone as opposed to approaching things with a “partner in crime” mentality. Libra here doesn’t incline you as a person who’s highly co-dependent. On the contrary this placement can make someone highly intent on maintaining a level of objectivity and a lack of bias in their dealings with others. At your core you believe in respect and at a deep level you adore and value the opinions of others and freedom is speech! You often have strong beliefs and values spiritually and politically even if in a sense you prefer to keep you mouth shut on more controversial issues. To outsiders you have the perfect family, the easy life, the perfect smile, the easiest of lovers to be with. The reality of these statements is that you suffer internally from being “seen” as what surrounds you rather than what you “are” romantically you prefer a down to earth lover who has a strong desire to build and nurture your bond with one another-always digging to decode who you are and vice versa, for you love is like a puzzle you earnestly seek to solve.

Scorpio on the 4th house cusp:

Crime scene

Deep down at your core you carry a heavy weight, one that shrouds the sun and tenses the seas. You have a highly attuned 7th sense and see the world for its good, bad and ugly. A level of real-ness exist for you when it comes to the world as a whole as you tend to dance with the darkest sides of humanity more than the most. Scorpio here sadly can manifest as very malefic and dark childhood experience for most especially if Pluto is afflicted but once more this is not a common theme. Their is a certain level of darkness to you and those who may meet you may be a bit unnerved or immersed by how poetic and profound you intimate nature really is. You love to play with fire and find that investigation, crime, psychology, layers all of these things excite you more so because it invites a level of authenticity to the human experience-a min-ute moment in time to truly connect and immerse into the emotional sanctum of others without the mask and farces many is wear everyday. You might have a mental block or complex surrounding sex that creates a level of intensity and restriction to the act for you. Romantically you want someone for all they are, their weaknesses, their faults, their ups and downs and want the same in return. It’s hard for you to let go of lovers and if they fall in your 8th house this is doubled. You usually struggle with opening up which causes you problems in the more lighthearted stages of romances but as you get deeper into it and with a more patient partner you’re well worth the wait.

Sagittarius on the 4th house cusp:

The airport

Something is inviting to you about the world, you envy the seemingly untethered nature of the world around you. You’re easily distracted by life itself, and have an inner gravitation to the many philosophies of the world religious or not. You can’t help but want to learn and study and see everything and anything you can. You hate stagnate situations and even more so people who are to heavily materialistic. Having this ic offsets a lot of even the most earthiest people as it creates an inner almost soulful need to be completely and soulful disconnected from everything that is tied down to the world of the physical. At your heart you’re so fill of life-endlessly and wholeheartedly! Your home life was often full of its fair share of ups and downs but you always managed to find the shining light above it all. Your family may have been big or just very protective and loving. Often one of the parents was absent minded but a very soulful person. Unlike a sag moon most with this position have a profound level of intimacy imbedded in them, they live for those close moments because Sagittarius expands their inner need for nurture. Romantically they’re babies and enjoy a good cuisine and good love.

Capricorn on the 4th house cusp:

Wallstreet journal

A stark coldness exist on the outset with you but it’s mainly because your home life was one raised with seriousness and intensity. One or both of the parents where very frugal and often made sure to instill a fear of mediocrity in the child. Because of this as a person you’re very mature, the world weighs heavily on your shoulders but as you’ve aged that burden as gotten much lighter. These natives hold a huge reserve of loyalty and tenacity in their heart as they’re often the ones to work tirelessly on a dead cause only to revive it beyond what it even was before it had given out. These natives are not firm believes in handouts earthly or spiritual in nature unless they have a highly attuned 9th house. Often these natives struggle with battling moments of depression or emotional exhaustion that many wouldn’t even be able to tell especially if they have a more optimistic personality on the surface. They take commitment and bonds very seriously, very scarcely extending out that hand for continued intimacy. They often have a cold but long lasting bond with their family albeit one that is lacking in its warmth(which is not always the case) romantically these natives want someone who is willing to live life in a way they cannot, with freedom. They strongly crave someone who understands the seriousness of this world but who still finds a way to look beyond the mechanism of society, to take them down highway 49 in the dead of night and blast chancla in the car singing along without a care in the world.

Aquarius on the 4th house cusp:

The space ship

You’re often someone who views the world in a wide lens, a glass always half filled. To you the world is meant to be questioned, never taken as is. You enjoy the more detached and mental aspects of your surroundings especially at home and can be a bit harder to read once you’re in a place you feel comfy. You aren’t the type heavily tied to your roots which shows in your rather impersonal dealings with family(not any less lacking in warmth mind you :)) you tend to adore a close knit buddy system when it comes to intimacy and family life but due to this lack a practical and grounded tug towards home. In many ways you’re a drifter or a nomad constantly shifting from scene to scene never truly feeling like home is any one place. Your mind moves like clock work and you’re genius can really show when you’re in a place of comfort. Mentally you’re unlike any other and have a bountiful love for humanity and those feelings created and fostered through such interactions. Unlike Aquarius moods you’re not the type to alienate you’re emotions rather you’re more apt to keep your emotional issues away from home and much rather handle you’re emotions albeit rationally, fairly head on. Romantically it’s the brains not the brawns that entice you. A lover who is a bit of a casual rider in life whilst keeping a genuine lust to explore and transverse the human psyche as you do is the one for you.

Pisces on the 4th house cusp:

The lake

The winds are constantly sweeping you across your feet. In some ways you’re soft hearted, constantly putting yourself in everyone’s shoes but on the other hand you maintain a good distance from letting anyone really see what’s going on. You tend to play with the dark here and there which gives you a more mysterious, uncharted type of energy. In many ways you’re irroestiable but also fragile and innocent. Your heart is vast and full of many strings all leading to different repressed and often glossed over childhood upbringing. In most cases these are people who hold on to figments and pieces of memories altering them in a way that shadows and past hurt in their lives. They adore nature and the more simplistic or rather subtle parts of the world. Most times they are reclusive and hidden always preferring to be the forgotten soul who just so happened to pass right by you without a sound. Men and women here tend to have a rather up/down relationship with their family or parents be it to obsessive, to unpredictable, to unstable, to manipulative, to ambiguous, to close, to detached and so on. Most cases the family is extremely tight knit and close but may lack a actually fundamental stability that holds most things together because of Neptune. Most natives with this tend to attract animals who were once humans in their past life or whom have a highly keen spiritual awareness making pets a more trying experience for these natives due to the strong personalities. You tend to have a deep set emotionally connected spiritual side and can pick up small and even minuscule changes in vibrations or feelings in the air. Energy is your 2nd language and you find it incredibly hard especially in the young years to follow your intuition. On a deep level you’re spiritually powerful and have an ability to understand and heal many of the burdens people carry heavy on their heart. Romantically you need someone who can dance with you in the spirit world. Most of these natives end up with rather powerful people mainly because they need someone who can match their inner level of emotional intensity.

[caranfindel]

Fic: Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Gen, angst | About 3100 words | Light R or hard PG

Something bad happens when you break a blood oath with a reaper. Sam and Dean have to fix it.

My first attempt at Summergen! Thanks to crowroad3 on LJ for being such an inspiration.

~~~

They leave the Impala at the Timber Lake Trailhead. Dean slams the trunk closed, shoulders his pack, and raises his eyebrows at Sam, as if to ask you sure about this? Sam shrugs. He’s as sure as he’ll ever be. It’s not like there’s anyone they can ask. Not like he has one of the most powerful witches in existence on speed dial any more. Not like there’s any real way of knowing if this is going to work, if the weeks of sweat and blood prepping for this are actually going to pay off.

He unfolds the map and lays it across the trunk. “If we head straight east, we’ll pick up Route 34 at Farview Curve, and we’ll miss all this.” Sam runs a finger along the switchback twists and hairpin turns of a section of Route 34. “Or we can go northeast, between these two creeks. It will take a little longer, since we’ll have to backtrack some once we get to the road, but we won’t have to cross a creek without a bridge.”

Dean squints up at the cold morning sky, down at the frozen ground. Scuffs at the hard crust of snow with his boot. “Creek’s probably frozen, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. Okay. East it is.” Sam folds the map and keeps his face neutral. Doesn’t want to reveal how relieved he is that Dean actually… spoke. Contributed. Acted like he gives a shit, about this job or literally anything else. He threads his arms through the straps of his own pack, checks his compass, and starts down the slope away from the trailhead.

There is no trail between Timber Lake and Farview Curve, and Sam’s too distracted by the rough terrain (and other things, maybe) to be bothered by Dean’s silence. He was right about the creek being frozen, although Sam tests the ice with a kick of his heel a few times. More than strictly necessary, probably, judging by the look Dean gives him. Maybe it’s hit him already. Maybe the trepidation spilling out of that breach on Route 34 has already reached him, is already sinking into his bones. Maybe he’s crossed the line between cautious and fearful.

Or, on the other hand, maybe Dean just doesn’t give a shit if they drown in the icy water. Maybe despair is having its way with him.

What they need, right about now, is a reliable narrator.

The forest is thick along the creek and Sam feels closed in and claustrophobic (not caged, don’t think about a cage.) He’s relieved when the trees start to thin out closer to Route 34. When they finally reach the road, he stops to stretch and take a drink. Dean stares up at the sky, checking the weather or estimating how much daylight is left or just avoiding eye contact.

“Fucking Cas,” he mutters.

Okay then. None of the above. Sam motions toward the water bottle hanging off Dean’s backpack. “You should stay hydrated.”

Dean keeps his eyes in the distance. “I’m fine.”

“Are you? Are you doing okay?”

“Told you, Sam. I’m fine.”

“Okay, but… I mean, you know. We need to pay attention to -”

“Sam. I am fine. End of discussion.”

“You know,” Sam sighs, “it would be easier if you’d just talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Dean finally turns to look at him. “Actually, it probably wouldn’t.” He turns away and starts walking along the snowy ribbon of road.

~~~

A couple of miles later they come across a crude wooden cross peeking out of the snow. “That would be Corinne Treadwell,” Sam says, making a note on the map. “The one who drove off the road… straight into that pine tree, I imagine. Not much of curve here or anything. She must have been going pretty fast to lose control like that.”

Dean nods at the scarred tree but doesn’t comment.

“So, uh. She was… we know it goes at least this far.” Sam clears his throat, feeling inexplicably nervous. (Nervous? Or afraid?)

“Yeah, and you knew that already,” Dean says. “You mapped out all the deaths. You know how far they are from the… epicenter. You know the radius.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is, why are you bringing it up? Why are we standing here talking about this? We know what we’ve gotta do, and we know where we have to go to do it. So let’s just go get this over with.”

“I’m just saying, we’re definitely in the affected area now. We don’t know how much it’s grown since Corinne died, but we know it’s at least this far out. We need to be careful.”

“And the more time you spend yapping, the more time we spend in the affected area. So can we get a move on? We’ve got at least a mile to go, and I don’t want to get stuck out here after dark.” He stares at the sky again, as if Cas is up there, and where do dead angels go, anyway? It seems like Sam knew the answer to that once.

Dean clenches his hands as he turns and heads back to the road.

~~~

“Is this what you thought it would be like?” Sam asks, readjusting his pack.

“What, the Rocky Mountains? Been here before, in case you forgot.”

“No, I mean. What Billie said. Cosmic consequences. Did you ever think about what that could mean?”

Dean’s only response is a derisive snort.

“Just seems like it’d be something… bigger, you know?”

“People are dead, Sam. It’s fucking big enough.”

Which is true, but it still feels too contained, too quiet. There should be flames and brimstone and dark shapes blotting out the sun, a fiery opening torn out of the sky. Not just this quiet miasma of trepidation and fury and dismay. Not this small (but growing, don’t forget it’s growing) area of contagion so fierce that everyone who survived exposure reported feeling terror, hatred, a bone-deep urge to either kill or die.

On the other hand, the gateway to Hell was just a hole in the ground, so. There’s that. Sometimes the worst thing on Earth is actually pretty subtle.

Sam has to stop for a minute and work very hard at not thinking about a hole in the ground that leads to Hell. Dean walks ahead. The tense set of his shoulders doesn’t look fearful or vigilant, it just looks… angry. Sam trots to catch up with him. “How are you doing?” he asks, trying for nonchalant and not quite reaching it.

“Peachy.”

“Would you tell me if you weren’t?”

“Guess we’ll find out, won’t we?” Dean nods once, the way he does when he’s shoving something down deep, then looks at Sam thoughtfully. “Why’d you save the rest of the blood in the first place, when you were done rehumanizing me?”

Okay, that came out of nowhere. “Just seemed useful,” Sam answers carefully. He’s not sure where Dean’s going with this. “Sanctified blood. Lots of spells call for blood. Seemed like it would be good to keep on hand.”

“Not because you were waiting for me to go black-eyed again.”

“No. I never. No.”

Dean’s hands curl into fists (fleeting thought of that fist slamming into his own face, those fingers curled around a wooden handle, no, no, don’t think about that), then release. “Okay then.”

~~~

The sun is bright in the cloudless sky, but with every step, Sam feels colder and colder. “Damn, it’s really… weirdly cold.”

Dean shrugs. “Mountains. Winter. Do the math.”

But it’s not winter cold. It’s not the external temperature. It’s something inside leaching the warmth out of his flesh; it’s ice water flowing inside his veins, a cold fetid mist pooling in his gut, frozen bones ready to shatter on impact. It’s a cold he’s only felt in Hell. He watches Dean’s hands, watches them spasmodically clench and release, and he knows he feels it too. The wrongness of it.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I’m fine.”

Something snaps; something deep inside lets go and Sam can’t control his fight-or-flight response any longer. He grabs Dean by the shoulder, whirls him around to face him. “Goddammit. You’re not fine. You are very, very not fine. What I need to know is, is this your normal level of not fine? Or is this some cosmically fucked-up level of not fine?”

Dean swats his hand away, his eyes suddenly wild. “I’m fine. You need to back the fuck off and worry about what’s happening in your own head. You think I haven’t seen the way you’re looking at me? Like I’m gonna throw you on the rack and peel your fucking skin off? You think I can’t tell what you’re thinking?”

(Oh god the rack don’t think about being on the rack don’t think about what Dean could do to you don’t think about Lucifer’s cold fingers peeling and scraping and prying and breaking…)

“I’m not gonna do it, Sam. I promise.” Dean lifts his hand, as if he’s going to touch Sam’s arm, but pulls it back at Sam’s involuntary flinch. “I’m not gonna do it to you. I know I did it to them, but I’m not gonna do it to you.”

Shit. Whatever it is, whatever is seeping out of that breach created by the broken blood pact, it’s wormed its way in. “Dean. This is it. It’s getting into our heads. We just gotta get through this.”

“I’m not gonna hurt you, Sam. I won’t. No matter what they say.”

Sam swallows, fairly sure Dean’s actually trying to convince himself. “I know.”

(But he would, wouldn’t he? He would and he did and he’ll do it again and there’s nothing you can do to stop him; if Dean really wants to hurt you there’s nothing you can do about it and there’s no one else to stop him, everyone is gone, it’s just you and Dean left in this world and he’s itching to kill you already, watch his fingers, curled like he’s holding a blade, a hammer, a scythe, ready to swing, eyes flipping black -)

“Stop!” Sam shouts. Dean stares at him, green (green) eyes startled, and Sam shakes his head, as if any amount of shaking could clear away the fear and despair. “Don’t listen to it, okay? We’re almost there. We can do this.”

Dean nods and takes a deep breath, pulls himself under control. “We got this.”

A hundred yards farther and they’re at the spot, the spot where the car stopped at midnight and everything went to shit. But it’s too clean. Too normal. There should be downed trees and scorched earth (don’t think about angel wings splayed out beside Cas’s body, scorched into the earth, don’t don’t don’t), there should be fire, there should be blood.

Oh, fuck. Fire and blood. “Dean. We gotta do the thing.”

Dean stares at him for a second, shoving his own demons down. Then he takes off his pack and retrieves the silver knife, hefting it in a trembling hand for a moment before he digs out the rest of supplies - the metal bowl, the dried herbs and kindling, the holy oil. From his own pack, Sam pulls out the carefully sealed container of blood, blood of the many, and is struck by the sudden terror that he interpreted the spell wrong, that this effort will fail, and who would have ever thought he’d miss Rowena, but if she were here, she would know. Rowena would know. But even their occasionally helpful enemies-of-my-enemies are gone, there’s no one to help, no one to ask, and they’re going to fail and they’re going to die here and the breach will get bigger and the contagion will spread and it will never, ever stop -

“Sam!” Dean is kneeling at the bowl, mixing the oil with the dried ingredients. “You okay? You with me?”

“Yeah. I’m good.” Sam runs a hand down his face, surprised to feel perspiration on his forehead. He’s so cold, cold down to his bones, Hell cold, Lucifer cold, and each bead of sweat should be a droplet of ice. He opens the container of blood and gently tips it into the bowl. As Dean mixes, Sam pulls a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket. He used a marker to write out the spell, bold black letters that are easy to read under less-than-ideal circumstances, but the strokes stare at him like hard black eyes and he shoves it back in his pocket.

Dean digs in his own pocket for a pack of matches and sets them carefully next to the bowl. He takes up the silver knife and cuts a neat slice in his palm, holding his hand over the bowl, and Sam expects frozen crystals to tumble out (so cold, he’s so fucking cold) but it’s just his brother’s completely normal blood, trickling onto the mixture below. Dean looks up at Sam, raising his hand to offer the knife (still gripping the handle tight, his hand trembling slightly, poised to cut, close enough to tear through Sam’s flesh), then he shudders and tosses it onto the ground instead, like he wants it out of his own reach. “Your turn.”

But as Sam reaches for the knife, there’s a sudden gust of cold wind and a sneering laugh and a familiar icy voice.

What are you boys up to? Do you have any idea what you’re doing?

Sam closes his eyes but he can’t shut it out, can’t unsee Lucifer standing there, pale eyes and chilly smile, standing in the forest like an average guy in jeans and a faded shirt, because sometimes the worst thing on Earth is pretty subtle. “No,” he whispers, “no, no, no,” but even his loudest screams were never able to drown out that voice.

You don’t even know what your pet angel unleashed, do you? You have no idea what’s oozing out of that hole. What do you think happens when you break a blood oath with a reaper and tear open a hole in the world? What did you think would be on the other side?

It’s not real, he’s not real, it’s just the breach. It’s just the evil and the fear seeping out of the breach, seeping into his brain. Sam turns his head toward Dean because Dean will know, Dean won’t see him, and that will prove he’s a hallucination. But when he opens his eyes, Dean is staring in horror, and oh, God, no.

“Dean? You see him too? Lucifer?”

Dean blinks at him, confused. “Not Lucifer. Alastair.”

Lucifer chuckles. Everyone’s got their own personal version of Hell. Most of them aren’t as literal as yours, granted. He leans in, conspiratorially. I wonder what ol’ Alastair’s telling your brother to do to you right now? Think he can fight it off?

Dean’s shouting at him but his words are lost under the roaring in Sam’s ears and Lucifer’s cold laughter and he watches, frozen, as Dean lunges for the knife and whirls toward him, cries out and flounders helplessly as Dean wrestles him to the ground and then Dean’s above him, hand raised, flash of light on the silver blade (swinging a knife toward his throat a hammer toward his head a scythe toward his neck) and please, God, no, but there is no God, and even when there was a God it didn’t matter, God never listened to Sam’s prayers and he’s not going to start now and there is no angel behind Dean, no Cas there to stop the killing blow, no one but Sam and his brother who’s going to kill him and he failed and he’s sorry, he’s so sorry, and he closes his eyes because he doesn’t want to see his brother’s eyes go black, he doesn’t want that to be the last thing he sees, and he stops fighting because it doesn’t matter any more, they’re both going to die and then everyone’s going to die and he didn’t save them and he’s sorry.

But when he finally feels the bite of the knife it’s on his palm, not his throat, and when he opens his eyes, Dean’s holding his hand over the bowl. “Stay with me, Sam,” he mutters. “If I’m seeing Alastair and you’re seeing Lucifer then neither one of them’s real, and we just gotta ignore ‘em. You can do this.”

Yes, fuck, yes, he can do this. He set up the spell; it needs his blood. Sam rises to his knees and bleeds into the bowl, then wipes his hand on his jeans and digs the spell out of his pocket. The paper rattles in his quaking hands, but the stark black letters are legible enough. Sam speaks the words as Dean lights the pack of matches and tosses it into the bowl. There’s a gentle whoosh and the air abruptly feels warmer and lighter and not wrong. And Sam’s not afraid.

He collapses into the snow, face up, eyes closed, and hears a muted grunt as Dean does the same.

~~~

“You okay?” Dean asks, a few minutes later.

Sam takes inventory. Everything seems to be in working order. “Yeah, I’m okay. What about you? And don’t say fine or peachy or I swear to God, I will stab you in the face.”

Dean huffs a dry little laugh. “I’m good. I mean, shit was messed up for a while, not denying that. Hell, shit’s still pretty messed up. But it’s all right. We got this.”

Sam turns to look at his brother, who’s staring up into the sky again. Cas is out there somewhere, unreachable, gone. Mom is out there somewhere, unreachable, but… but not forever. They’ll get her back.

“Yeah. We got this.”

[astroalive]

Introduction

Synastry is, to put it simply, the astrology of relationships. It’s commonly referred to as compatibility, though most references to astrological compatibility only reach the very surface of synastry, and thus are not reliable.

Much of astrological compatibility refers solely to the sun signs, or rejects the importance of sun signs entirely. Neither approach is correct. Think of the saying “can’t see the forest for the trees” - in this case, some can’t see the trees for the forest. There must be balance.

All of the energies in the natal chart must be acknowledged when studying synastry, not just the Sun’s or that of Venus or Mars, and not just ruling elements.

In the following article and related articles, I will explain the very basics of this complex aspect of synastry. To read more, go to #synastry basics.

The Sun

Synastry is often so simplified that many only acknowledge Sun signs when considering compatibility, which is far too superficial to actually provide much insight into a relationship.

In the personal chart, the Sun represents the foundation of the personality, it is vital in understanding the individual. But it takes a backseat to other planets when it comes to matters of friendship, love, communication, and the like. Still, the Sun sign shape many key aspects of the self, and thus it is still important in relationships.

An individual’s world view, their growth, their path in life are all guided by the Sun. The Sun sign is one’s purpose, and as such it can be difficult for people with incompatible Sun signs - and thus incompatible drives and views - to become close if the rest of their charts is not harmonious.

The Sun’s position in relation to the other planets, and its position in the houses, is also key to understanding compatibility.

★

The Moon

This is our emotions, our needs, and how we desire to be nurtured and to nurture in return. Moon signs are extremely important to understanding compatibility for these reasons.

A struggle many will face when growing emotionally is the realization that the way we need to be loved is not the way others need to be loved. This is the great lesson of the Moon in synastry, and what makes it so important in a relationship.

This heavenly body rules over the unseen within us: The unconscious, conditioning remaining from childhood, and so many parts of us we may not even know about ourselves are all controlled by the Moon. These subtle, hidden parts of us are often drawn out in relationships. We cannot truly become close to others without baring certain parts of ourselves. It can be ugly, difficult, and terrifying, but also deeply rewarding.

Compatible Moon signs are highly important in any relationship, romantic or platonic.

It is also the part of us that is truly receptive to others. How we empathize, express our care, and seek to comfort.

★

Mercury

Communication is ruled by this planet, and as communication is key in any relationship, Mercury is key to synastry. Not only that, but Mercury rules decision making and other thought processes, which is highly important when building a relationship.

Unlike other heavenly bodies, focusing on the Element of this position is something you should focus on, and consider with care. Compatible, or harmonious, elements can make communication natural and easy. Incompatible elements, on the other hand, can create discord.

★

Venus

Often the main focus in synastry, Venus is a clear player in compatibility as the planet of love. This is the core of all romantic relationships and attraction.

Venus determines how we love, what we look for in a lover, and what we expect of a union. It also strongly influences attitudes surrounding possessions and money, which can raise issues in any long-term relationship. In addition, Venus determines many of our values, at least social ones, and thus it is another influencer of our ideals and goals.

In ways, it acts similarly to the Moon, ruling over our emotions. But, Venus specializes in the emotions that are and must be expressed between lovers.

★

Mars

This is the body of physicality. Mars rules our physical attraction, desires, and compatibility. Not only this, it is instinct. The counterpart of Venus, this is the need and drive to our care and compassion. Venus is the emotional and mental, Mars the innate and the physical.

Mars is not a hinge position - if a couple’s Mars signs are not compatible it will not ruin the relationship. But, it can certainly help or hinder, especially if it is a dominant body in either individual’s chart.

Interaspects, aspects created between two charts rather than within one, that involve Mars can create issues with the physical relationship between two people, or create general conflict.

The key thing to remember is that the conflict Mars creates is not necessarily negative. It can actually greatly help a couple, giving them something to bond over, letting them air out their grievances, or simply something to grow from.

★

Jupiter

Jupiter’s main influence in synastry is through aspecting bodies such as Venus, which is true of most outer heavenly bodies. Through such aspects, this planet bestows luck and good fortune as long as the aspect is a positive one. Even challenging aspects, however, can assist greatly in the growth of a relationship.

★

Saturn

Again, Saturn is like Jupiter, its influence on compatibility is through interaspects. Saturn bestows stability through these aspects, granting a couple a strong foundation for their relationship.

At the same time, one must remember that Saturn is not only the planet of commitment but restriction. While interaspects between Saturn and the inner bodies can create solid, long-term relationships, there can be a struggle to reach that point.

★

Uranus

Uranus interaspects creates unusual relationships, fascination, and general instability between individuals. There is a freedom and playfulness granted by this aspect, but it can sometimes go too far. Without the stability of Saturn or other influences in other parts of the chart, this can be a difficult influence in synastry.

★

Neptune

Neptune interaspects are somewhat similar to aspects of Uranus: The couple will experience a strange attraction, a fascination with each other. This can create a relationship that is more idealized than real. Again, Neptune’s influences are delicate and difficult to manage.

★

Pluto

Interaspects involving Pluto create intense emotional attachments, a primal draw not unlike the influences of Mars, and general instability. The passion granted by these aspects is unmatched, but it can be too much, creating jealousy and unhealthy emotions.

#synastry basics  ★  Support Astroalive  ★  image source

[juulee91]

두 세계 살아가기 - 배척

“Our culture has applied two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear them or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.” Rick Warren

I innocently believe that although learning the differences in a culture is a complicated process because of unnecessary conflicts, there is a very enjoyable and peaceful side of the learning. “You can enjoy everything if everything is enjoyed in God.” It's up to us to find that side and it's a challenging task requiring a lot of patience. God surely rewards us. I confess that through a lot of persistence the reward I gained was a huge step forward on my spiritual growth. Faith is more a process than a one-time possession and this reward helps me to gain the discipline to keep walking the journey to the Light.

I'm not a missionary, so my case is slightly different from them. All lessons and experiences were formed from the country I came from and had lived. They were and are being significant information to see the beautiful diversity present in the world today. I believe Christians should consider missionaries wherever we are because the ultimate goal of the message of the Gospel is the relationship that makes us constantly go after Him. I want to always have a missionary mind even without a mission field because wherever I am I will surely meet people who need to hear the Gospel. Sometimes, I imagine our daily life mission field (work, school, even church) is more complicated and challenging than a career missionary's field because I see everyone desperately needing Jesus in their lives and approaching the people near us is more challenging.

My argument is supported by their perspective of the world. They might have heard about religion, but not Jesus. Believing and following Christ is a different concept and I only understood this when I entered a relationship with Him. People are in search of happiness and they deny Christianity fearing the Truth. They think the cost of being a Christian involves too many rules and painful sacrifices. However, my desire is to show them the only price is obedience and this obedience is beautiful. “To obey is better than sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22). I did have to leave some pleasures of the world but looking, I count my losses as blessings. There's no stronger motive that secures my decision to follow Him than His unending love. “There's no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18). To know God is to know true happiness.

People tend to make situations a lot more complicated than it actually is. Making a bridge with the cultures where we came from to where we are it's joyful in this one condition: be firmly committed on the purpose. We won't be distracted by anything if we are captivated by the purpose. The greatest tragedy is a mission not focused on the purpose.

What strikes me the most is the fact that a big part of my mission is knowing how to approach both cultures accepting and seeing the interruptions as opportunities. In other words, I should try to make a bridge between my culture and the different culture, rather than choosing which to banish. The challenge is to silence our minds that tell us to “get rid of the culture because you don't belong there, don't try to fit into a world you don't belong.” This thought brings a comparison between cultures and we start to judge which tradition is better. The Gospel lies on the wonders of a relationship Christians experience and this chapter is important not only for career missionaries but for all Christians. The world today is becoming global, so everyone will somehow face different cultures at least once in their lifetimes. We must know how to deal with it and be prepared when the situation arrives.

I will present the consequence I found when trying to banish one culture. I tried banishing one at a time and the results are these lessons:

First, when we choose to banish the different cultures from ours, in other words, our mission field’s culture, we will not only miss the true meaning of the Gospel but we will find more difficulties to get attached and live in our mission field. Loving our place it's an important detail to be considered because Christian behaviors must reflect the Christ in us and when we live in an uncomfortable place our perspective of everything will be unfavorable. Dissatisfaction will easily come and we will forget that Christ alone satisfies us. When it comes to people, we might start seeing people as cynical when we get unknown responses and we start to quickly judge them inappropriate, rather than seeking understandings. Not wanting to understand different perspectives won't allow me to get along with people. I have to remember that their culture is different so not everyone thinks the way I do, know the things I know, but more than that, they don't have Christ in their lives. Understanding this will make us go a long way.

Secondly, every place we go will make us feel strange. Pre judgments without knowledge will occur too. The feeling of being a foreigner who will never belong won't collaborate with our efforts. To summarize, the whole culture, in general, will build negative ideas that probably aren't true. The lesson and the development God brings in this situation is patience because it supports our decisions and shows that precipitated opinions were just opinions, not real facts. My advice would be to practice the pause before assuming, accusing, and reacting because it will avoid making regretful decisions. Precipitated judgments about people’s behaviors almost always showed me I was wrong.

By comfort, I mean being happy carrying our cross beside the pain. The world today has a different definition of comfort. They define comfort by being successful in earthly desires because that is what attracts the world, but we must be willing to take challenges even being uncomfortable if we want to make an impact in His kingdom. To discover the beauty of the cross is sustained by loving our mission field for the simplest reason that we're where He called us to be. Find peace in discomfort. The key is finding joy in your purpose not because we see comfort in our mission, but because we see His goodness and grace in everything and the more we acknowledge this the more we will worship Him our difficulties.

Through my own experiences, one of the easiest ways to fit into the culture was by being involved and constantly active only with native people from the country. Culture shapes people's characters, values, and it also influences one’s beliefs and traditions. Being said, interaction with native people was the best way to learn about the culture. Strictly speaking, we must be aware of the detail that it's difficult to find the completely native people with the country's culture only because outside influences are strongly present everywhere. In consequence, I like to divide the country's culture by each belonging community. The culture showed on the media and on books is reliable, but it's never completely relevant to everyone. I see them defining the population by the majority so I always trust the media and get disappointed because I always end up around the minority never mentioned. Each community forms their own traditions and sometimes they are mainly influenced by outside sources.

Returning to the idea of the importance of loving our mission field can be emphasized in a situation when we think we're preaching the Gospel, but we're living in annoyance at the same time. We must know that this is not an act of worship. “Your belief won't make you a better person, your behavior does.” In this quote, we must know how to make a bridge too. A belief and behavior by themselves can't produce a Christian image. If His love is being transmitted in such an unloving way, you are just reinforcing their idea of the Christian religion. You must know how to show Christ both in your words and behaviors.

The quote I introduced in the beginning, supports the situation I'll present now. I just mentioned the importance of loving our mission field and how it can be best accomplished. However, just like the author presents consequences for each solution, mine also comes with consequences too. “Extremes are easy. Strive for balance.” We have to be careful to not be completely or too involved with the people from different cultures because this will be dangerous when distractions occur. Emotions can be dangerous in a way because they can control us, especially life decisions. It's important to never let the emotions overpower the intelligence. A huge caution here is when the culture around us influences our values. For example, homosexuality nowadays is rather viewed as something brave and to be proud of “coming out .” Rebellious children are considered creative because it's adventurous. Even inappropriate words are becoming cool trends to be followed and new generations don't know anymore what's right or wrong. Following trends are what they are taught and feelings are once again seen as dangerous since the popular phrase, “follow your heart” it's what matters to the world today. Accepting distorted values with compassion and understanding doesn't mean approving them to be followed, but we rather should expose the Truth showing empathy. Also, the price of acceptance gets too high when it costs who we are. Therefore, we must have Christian principles strongly in our minds and souls. We must be willing to understand rather than judging because sometimes, you never know what were the only options they had before choosing.

“Be an expert on the Word of God, and you will always know what to say to the culture.” 

Sometimes loving a person means warning. For example, my best friend just started dating and they decided to live together before getting married. She argues that the public celebration of these events, marriage in the case is unnecessary. Just like baptism is an act to publicly demonstrate your decision to be a member of the body of Christ, I see the public celebration of a marriage a necessary event. What saves us in our faith but this is a demonstration of my faith so her argument was incoherent to me. She's a believer because she's been attending church since childhood. We've been good friends since then and growing up in the same community is what built our friendship. However, we both distanced ourselves from church because we discovered the culture from the world that offered us so much pleasure and comfort, whereas religion was uncomfortable for the simple fact of attending church every Sunday morning and having too many “religious rules.” We entered different new communities from different cultures where mine had a Christian base, but hers didn't. Still keeping the connection she told me about this “exciting news.” What mainly worries me is not to make her known what she's doing isn't right, because it seems she already made her choice knowing it and she sees nothing wrong in that. Her culture rather sees as “sweet and cute.” “Satan continues his efforts to make sin less offensive, haven less appealing, hell less horrific, and the Gospel less urgent.” What frightens me is the fact that even knowing the Truth, it doesn't matter to her anymore. She is a slave of sin and I know I have to warn her but the fear of starting a conflict stops my courage. In these situations, we need the Holy Spirit to act through us. I know this is the price I will have to pay for loving (and caring) her well. In conclusion, this is an example of my argument why we need to be strong in the Word of God.

The second choice is to banish the culture of our own. To banish your own is even harder when we move to a different place as a grown-up person because the culture where we came from will somehow already be attached in us and parts of our beliefs and values are rooted in the culture. Everything is new and they can have two results - the new discovery can be appealing or disturbing.

Missionaries must be careful because the possibility of completely ruining the whole goal of the Gospel is high. The chances of losing your identity in Christ is something very dangerous because completely leaving behind your past includes erasing parts of you. The importance here is to balance again. You should know how to leave your home culture, but not completely. The past should be a place where you learn lessons and the future is where you apply.

 Being said, there are meaningful messages in both cultures and as the author constantly mentions we should make a bridge between them. All cultures have something unique, so we must challenge ourselves in the attempt to bring the positive qualities reflecting Christ who is the transformer of Culture.

I will give an example basing on Asia (South Korea) and America (the United States and South America (Brazil) again because they are where my experiences come from and I'll start in a situation involving people too. In Asia, older people seem to require all the respect all the time. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be respected, but I realized it was rather disturbing when they demanded respect in any circumstances. They forget that respect is something mutual and they are supposed to be role models if they so expect respect in young generations. If one lacks respect, maturity is absent. It's ironic how old people want to be physically young so they attempt on all medical solutions and when it comes to the personality they awkwardly try imitating younger generations' habits, but they should know that being elegant is the only beauty that doesn't get old. Being said, when situations like this arrive, the odds are to follow them and making this new our habits too. Back to the example, people from my culture in my previous countries value respect in a different way. Words like “sorry,” “excuse me,” “ please” are highly considered no matter the age. Since this is what I had lived with since young it's a habit in me that wasn't found in Asia. Therefore, I thought my action of respect would never be appreciated or returned so the confusion removed this good habit in me. Respect is not seen anymore and it's rather surprising when I rarely encounter the unusual act of respect. As a result, the danger of banishing your own culture is losing the good values in you.

Let's always remember that there's no perfection in any culture because it's made by human beings and this supports why Christ should be the transformer of the culture. Our call is to show people that He shines through our brokenness. Sometimes a culture has different ways of expressing and reacting so the challenge here is to not get lost and as faithful Christians, we should cover the world before it covers us. Assume the problems we encounter can be opportunities to learn the lessons, so you will never be the victim.

I finish this topic by advising people who are living in both cultures. The troubles encountered will teach you first then His peace will find you because only God brings good out of bad. Open your mind and faith is a perspective that opens door in weakness. Faith must be our first response in any circumstances. I don't try to follow their habits but instead, I share my faith and the hope He shines through my brokenness. Sometimes, He doesn't bring solutions because He simply wants your faith and this is the opportunity to show “Christ the transformer of culture.”

The secret is a strong Christian created by a deep personal relationship with Christ. Focus on bringing the message that is centered on the Gospel and let the Holy Spirit guide you in everything.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I wasn't successful in banishing one culture because I came to realize that it didn't really matter. Banishing the culture different from mine was painful because it's the same as removing a part of me. When putting too much effort into something unnecessary was exhausting and I was getting lost in the process. However, His grace rescued me and it was exactly getting lost that I found myself. I believe His grace appeared because I am where He calls me to be. I personally couldn't banish neither the culture I'm from nor the culture I'm in now because where I came from it's in me for more than 28 years, and the culture where I'm in now it's what I have to live with. The only challenge here is to walk the bridge. Christians should be able to clearly answer this question: will we reflect His light through our lives or just blend in?

The only culture I want is Christ’s culture. This must never be banished from my life. The culture today says what we need, and the Bible says I need Jesus.

The decision to take the chaos from both cultures. The decision to challenge our daily lives with a different language gives me a different view of the world; the risk to go out from my comfort zone and have relationships with different people; to enter a different culture is to learn new perspectives. Maybe it's a choice that I will never feel completely at home again, but it's simply because God always gives peace where He plants me. That's the price we pay by being obedient and making the bridge it's a path where we see the richness of knowing two places. This is a choice to surrender my life to Christ and self-chosen ignorance. It's where I encounter moments of miracles and see God appreciating and recognizing every effort taken. He is not mainly worried about my abilities, but He delights in our availability.

References

Piper, John (Host). (2018, December 5). My friend claims she's gay - what do I say? [Audio podcast]. Retrieved from https://www.desiringgod.org/ask-pastor-john

Clarke, Jennifer. (2014, September 16). Better than sacrifice. Retrieved from https://adivineencounter.com/better-sacrifice-2/

Clarck, T.V. (2018, December 5). The Christian response to cultural change. Retrieved from https://crossexamined.org/the-christians-response-to-cultural-change/

[ununniliad]

Book Review: The Further Adventures of Superman

The Further Adventures of Superman is an anthology of Superman stories that came out in 1993 - just after he'd died in the comics, and right on the heels of the premiere of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. It's especially interesting here, because it acts as a sampler of examples of what the wider culture was thinking about Superman when there was no movie around - hadn't been for a while, wouldn't be for even longer.

There are two different trends in this volume that are especially interesting to note. The first is that many of the stories are themed around religion and spirituality, gods and devils. It doesn't feel like an editorial edict - the stories come at the subject from many different directions, and a couple leave it out entirely; it's fascinating that this seems to just have been what was on everyone's mind.

The other trend is even more curious: the majority of these stories seem to have been written about Superman as he was in the 1970s! Some of them use explicit elements of '70s Superman comics, like Clark Kent working for WGBS instead of the Daily Planet, or the use of 'Kal-El' as a 'true' identity. Others use explicit elements from Superman: The Movie - at least one talks about the twenty-eight galaxies that baby Kal-El's starship wandered through. Yet others are simply about combining the planet-juggling levels of power the character had back then with the heated melodrama of the era.

It feels like most of the writers here hadn't read a Superman comic for ten to twenty years, and were working off of memory; many of these writers are reliable licensed fiction writers, not particularly known for superhero fiction, so that may even be true. Either way, it's weirdly consistent, and I've got to wonder if it's a reflection of how, in the '80s, comics turned towards specialty shops and away from general audiences.

In any case. Why don't we try out some capsule summaries, see how that goes?

The Riddle of Superman's Mask: This story was written by Will Murray, the writer who created Squirrel Girl, and like SG herself, it's trying to combine the fun weirdness of the Silver Age (in the form of a 'what fantastic thing happened to Superman to make him act so weird?' mystery) with the emotional depth of later eras. It doesn't quite work, but it's an interesting try.

Apparitions: By the redoubtable Diane Duane, this story brings Superman face-to-face with several of her recurring tropes - the heat death of the universe, the immanent presence of divinity, the truly alien mixed with the truly kind. And the investigation of that divinity, that alien-ness, and how they may intersect is the meat of the story. The ending feels slightly unsatisfying, in a way that it kind of has to be in this space, but the journey is interesting.

Lucifer Over Lancaster: This one actually explores a pretty similar space to the last story, but not as well, in my opinion - it has a more judgmental Superman and a more judgmental tone that clashes with the message of tolerance and love of the alien, as well as a fair bit of gore and death that doesn't quite feel earned. But it has some neat psychic visions, if you're up for that.

Dateline: Metropolis: Possibly the least fantastic of the stories in this volume, this is a straightforward "what Lois is up to while Clark's having an adventure" story. In this case, she's pursuing the idea that up-and-coming businessman Roger Gunn is, in fact... Superman! And it's... ehhh. There's some good Lois, but the moments in which she's dense, and especially her reaction to the idea of knowing Superman's secret ("I'll have to stop writing important news articles in order to not out him! Oh well, maybe being his girlfriend would make up for that")... ehhhhh.

Mine Enemy Grows Older: Easily the most fantastic of the stories in this volume, going into the outright cosmic - Superman and Lex Luthor in the year 900,000 AD, and the stakes are nothing less than apotheosis - transformation into a literal god. I originally read this anthology as a kid, and this story blew my mind - and unlike many similar stories that, on adult readings, turned out to have wonderful concepts but mediocre execution, it really does hold up. Worth it.

Forget Me Not: It's funny, but this one feels kind of like a riposte to the "lesson" of Superman II - Superman tries to break up with Lois For Her Own Good, but discovers via supernatural shenanigans how important she is to both his sides. The writing is adequate, but with some nice flourishes. Not bad.

Deja Vu All Over Again: A weird-ass story, with a bunch of interesting bits that simply do not come together. In theory, it's about Superman's compassion fatigue and his alienation from humanity, as seen through cosmic events on the day of Krypton's destruction; really, it's a meandering story with cosmic bits that sets Big Things up but doesn't really follow through. Odd.

Excerpt From the Diary of Dr. Morris Finkelstein: It's not funny, but at least it's short.

I Now Pronounce You Superman and Wife: You might expect a regressive, heteronormative viewpoint from a story with that title... and you'd be absolutely right. Packed with toxic jealousy culture, showing marriage as a disturbing, mechanical affair of control, it manages to be a throwback of remarkable fidelity to the worst and most sexist stories of the '50s and '60s. Yeesh.

Warrior of the Final Dawn: The writing here is just okay, but the theme is strong - the death of Krypton reaching forward to try to take Superman it its grasp from beyond the grave. Notably, this story is the only one in the volume to use the comics-contemporary setup of Lex Luthor as the powerful head of LexCorp, but it also calls out things like the Bottle City of Kandor and the city of Kryptonopolis in ways which belong to the older, pre-Crisis comics.

Prologue/Epilogue: An odd little framing device that doesn't really add anything, but doesn't hurt anything either. Inoffensive.

Overall, the stories in this volume average out to "okay". But it's an interesting sampler, and the best of these - "Mine Enemy Grows Older" and "Apparitions" - are, I would say, worth the price of admission alone. As well, examining the trends in this story - the throwbacks to older ways of viewing Superman, the focus on a plane higher than humanity - make some of the odd choices we saw in Superman Returns feel less odd.

[amorremanet]

Oh boy, you're one of my all-time favorite content creators so I wanna ask a lot of questions. I'm particularly curious about 1-4, 17, and 19, but I understand that that is a significant amount of questions, so don't feel obligated to answer them all if you don't want to - just do whichever ones you please! 🌸

asks for fanfic writers

number 2 is done over here, but!

1. things that inspire you

……Uh. That’s a good question. tbh, it’s hard for me to pin down a specific set of things because… Sure, quotes or pictures usually help a lot, and so does music, but inspiration comes out of pretty much everywhere, for me, and at any time. Which can be super-frustrating when it happens, like. While I’m driving, or when I can’t get to my phone or a notebook to jot the idea down, but… Sighs. This is life, sadly

3. name three favorite writers — idk if this is supposed to be fan-authors or not but i’m really bad at picking fave fan-authors, so I’m going with not

1. Federico García Lorca — don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here, crying a lot, because García Lorca was such a beautiful soul who wrote such beautiful poems and plays, and THIS!! BADASS!!!! OH MY GOD. He was killed for being a gay man who gave General Franco the middle finger and didn’t just lie down for fascism but fought to try and keep his country from being taken over by said fascists. I love this man, don’t even go there.

2. Fyodor Dostoevsky — it was a really close call between him and Mikhail Bulgakov, because I’m limiting myself to one prolific Russian even though I love them both. But Dostoevsky won out because I’ve loved him longer, and I’ve read more of his stuff than I have Bulgakov’s (which is really saying a lot because Dostoevsky often makes GRRM look positively succinct by comparison) (though in fairness, that’s a bit on his brain; Dostoevsky lived with a form of temporal lobe epilepsy that resulted in hypergraphia and he lived in an age when novels were originally published as serials and you got paid by the word, so much like Darles Chickens, he went on and on and added subplots left right and center because Dostoevsky had to get paid), and The Brothers Karamazov is one of my favorite novels ever.

It’s also secretly hilarious, like. Yes, it’s a door-stopper that has a lot of heavy shit going on, too, with familial dysfunction and murder and all kinds of theology — but don’t try to read this book while you’re drinking something because you will probably choke on it at some point.

3. Adrienne Kennedy (I have admittedly only read one of her plays and I haven’t had the opportunity to see any of her work performed live, but Funnyhouse Of A Negro is legit one of the best works of 20th century American literature. It’s a one-act play, I’m not saying that this is a link to a PDF of it but I’m not not-saying that either if u know what I mean, and it will completely blow your mind — like, it’s so out there, doing stuff that nobody else is doing in the same way, and it’s fucking beautiful)

Honorable Mentions: Anne Rice (because no matter what issues I have with her, and we could be here all night, even if I cut out the, “and here is why Anne Rice is Wrong™ about fanfiction” tirade, because I have a LOT of issues with her? I am still trash garbage for self-indulgent gay Catholic vampires, especially when they helped get me through a lot of really bad downswings by being trashy and self-indulgent, the end)

Neil Gaiman (because no matter what issues I have with him — and there are plenty of them, some personal and some ideological — Good Omens, American Gods, and his run on Sandman are some of my favorite stories ever, they’ve helped get me through some shit much like Anne Rice and JKR have done, and I’ll probably never be over That One Quote from The Kindly Ones about, “Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it?”)

and Leonard Cohen (I would talk about him more, I feel bad for not doing it but I’m still not ready to deal with his death, even though it’s been a couple months, just? His poetry is some of the most beautiful shit I’ve ever read, and to be fair, Beautiful Losers isn’t a novel that I’d recommend to everybody but I love it)

4. name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why

1. Augusten Burroughs, Oscar Wilde, and JK Rowling get listed together because they’re in the same post and I’m gonna cheat

2. Kurt Vonnegut — like, I love his stories themselves, of course. The first thing of his that I read was his short story, “Harrison Bergeron”; we read it in seventh grade English and it was so completely unlike literally anything I’d ever seen. The things that were closest to it were Roald Dahl (they had a similar off-kilter sense of humor, though Dahl and Vonnegut are different in how they go about being off-kilter), Fahrenheit 451 (we read it in sixth grade English and it just hit me like a big yellow school bus)

and Animal Farm (which we also read in seventh grade English, and it was on a similar wavelength with “Harrison Bergeron,” as being stuff written by political leftists who weren’t afraid of criticizing the behavior and beliefs of other leftists, but ultimately, Vonnegut and Orwell are two very different kinds of satirists and, for me, Vonnegut always prioritizes the human element of the satire over the ideological element that’s so central to Orwell’s everything ever. Like, neither of them is completely without any grounding in the other’s Big Deal thing, but they still have their preferences, and Orwell’s more about the ideas, to me)

—but “Harrison Bergeron” was still so far out there from anything else I’d ever read before it, and everything else I’ve ever read from Vonnegut continued rocking my world by just going off in his own weird little Kurt Vonnegut direction where he was gonna do his thing and you were just along for the ride. It was so much fun, and completely engaging even if I didn’t always feel like I got it, and I love this about him.

That said, though? The biggest impact that Vonnegut’s had on me is that he showed me that you can write satire without losing all of your compassion or your respect for the human element, which is so fucking important to me, because so many people conflate, “satire” with, “being an asshole”

—like, so many people take, “satire” as carte blanche to be a dickbag to people because they think they’re in the right about whatever’s on their mind, even if they’re trying to satirize people who are in positions of power like Jane Austen allegedly did

(granted, I don’t buy that version of the story with her, but in fairness, that’s because based on what I’ve read of her work, I think Jane Austen was a bitter, self-righteous snob who had no friends and that her so-called, “satire” was really just her being all, “Ugh, these loser preps are so jealous of me but I can’t help it that I’m better than they are” and having literary temper tantrums over the fact that no one wanted to spend more than a few minutes with her because she was a complete asshole who looked down her nose at fucking EVERYBODY)

(I mean, I already stanned for all of the Brontës before I learned that Charlotte had an EPIC hate-on for Jane Austen, but I started stanning for her harder when I first learned the story about how she refused to take on some collaborative project with Jane Austen that someone suggested she do, because based on reading some of Austen’s work, she felt that Austen didn’t have a single ounce of human compassion in her entire withered soul and thought that Jane Austen had more in common with the people who abused Charlotte, her sisters, and their brother Branwell, than with Charlotte herself — but that being said)

Anyway, my point is that Vonnegut is a satirist with a soul, and that’s what I want to be, too. More fabulous and gayer than he was, but still.

3. Terry Pratchett — on a personal note about why I love him, no other writer can make me smile as reliably as the late Sir Terry. Like, if it’s true that Gaiman did most of the heavy-lifting with the plot for Good Omens while Sir Terry did most of the joke-writing, then…… I’m okay with that, really? And it makes sense? Like, Good Omens was the first thing that I ever read by either of them, and its voice has much more in common with Sir Terry’s usual writing than with Neil’s

—but regardless of which of them did what more than whom, Good Omens had a huge effect on my developing sense of humor when I found it at an airport bookstore in middle school, and it was my first real, serious introduction to the idea that you could write a story with all kinds of angels and demons and magic and weird supernatural hijinks that didn’t have to be relegated to the Children’s Lit shelf like HP and Narnia (though Narnia was at least taken seriously when I was a kid, and HP was only taken seriously insofar as people could call it a literally Satanic corrupting influence blah blah whatever bogus arguments they pulled out of their asses), or unrelentingly Serious About All The Things Ever (like Narnia and LOTR)

or such nauseating Christian propaganda that it makes you want to stab CS Lewis’s corpse with a rusty fucking spork (like…… well. Narnia. Which is hilarious because Good Omens literally incorporates elements from the Book of Revelation, and a smattering of stuff from everywhere else in the Bible, while Narnia has a White Witch and a talking Jesus lion and a satyr, and yet, the one whose main characters are an angel, his demonic boyfriend, and the Antichrist is NOT the Christian propaganda here)

Moreover, Sir Terry is such a good example of a writer who grew in quality and also realized when he’d done Less Than Cool things that didn’t actually live up to his philosophical ideals, so he constantly tried to do better with his work. I respect the shit out of that, and I want to be like that as a writer, too.

Also:

That’s the shirt that he wore to conventions: “Tolkien’s Dead. / JK Rowling said no. / Philip Pullman couldn’t make it. / Hi, I’m Terry Pratchett.”

Great shirt, or GREATEST shirt.

Honorable Mentions: Sylvia Plath (because I was a completely cliché white theatre kid goth chick in high school and Sylvia Plath gave me hope that I, too, could write angry, angsty stuff that didn’t have to be all HOOM BAM MACHO like Jack Kerouac and have an audience)

August Strindberg (completely rocked my shit when we read The Ghost Sonata in the Theatre History and Histrionics class I took in my first year of undergrad, because, like Vonnegut, it was totally out-there and so unlike anything else that I’d ever read before. He’s just such a little weirdo and I love it)

John Waters (honorable mention because he’s not an author in the traditional sense exactly, but he’s a content creator and he does write the screenplays for his movies, and he’s gay and weird and a proud freak who’s all about that camp trash #aesthetic and about being gay and weird and freaky, and damn everyone who wants to make you fit in with their arbitrary standards when you’re not hurting anybody, and that’s all Very Important to me, on a personal level and on an Artistic Integrity Feels level)

and Jeffrey Eugenides (I don’t love him quite as much as I used to, back in high school — a lot of the cooling on him started when I learned that he’s straight, when I’d spent most of my adolescence thinking he had to be LGBTIQ, but that then led to an appreciation of some of the other glaring Issues in his books

like how he sort of plays at calling out southeast Michigan’s history of racism and especially of antiblackness in Middlesex, but ultimately ends up replicating it more than he actually calls it out, not to mention how the whole book is really Not Good about it deals with intersex conditions and how it represents intersex people, and it’s really heteronormative in a few ways that are now incredibly frustrating for me because I see them in clearer ways than I did in high school

—but I can’t deny two things: 1. Middlesex and The Virgin Suicides had huge effects on the process of me finding my own voice as a writer, and they both kept me alive in high school, more than once; and 2. Jeff was an inspiration because he’s from the Metro Detroit area, too, and I was totally sure for so long that nobody from ‘round here could really Make It as an author or accomplish anything for ourselves as writers.

Like, I wholeheartedly believed that I was probably doomed because I wasn’t from Somewhere Cool, like JKR, Terry Pratchett, Stephen King, or [insert any of the authors I ever had heart-eyes for entirely because They Were From New York!!! That Means They Are A Serious Writer!!!!] — but then along came Jeffrey Eugenides.

I discovered him completely by accident, because the Sofia Coppola movie version of TVS was on TV, and then I found out it was a book and had to read it… and then I found out that he was actually from the Metro Detroit area, and it was just? Whatever issues I have with him or his work, finding out that he was from ‘round here too was A Big Deal to me because !!!!! it meant that I wasn’t totally doomed to never have a future as an actual facts writer because I’m from Michigan instead of from Somewhere Cool)

17. favorite AU to write

ohhhhh man, hard question, because I like most of them.

Well, I mean. I like “correcting canon,” to borrow a term from @addictsitter — but tbh, I get so married to some of those ideas that I easily forget, until I’m called upon to explain it to someone else, that: Scott McCall isn’t canonically autistic and bisexual; Barty Crouch Jr.’s mother is not called, “Demeter” by anyone but me (but much like Braeden’s last name being Tandy because…… Meaghan’s last name flowed really nicely with Braeden’s, and Chris’s boyfriend being named Thierry Kensinger because I googled, “most popular baby names switzerland 1985” and, “most common surnames switzerland” and put together a name that I liked for him, I intend to just treat, “Demeter Lysistrata Gamp Crouch” as if it’s actual canon until everyone agrees with me); and all of my feels about [pick a character]’s gender identity, sexuality, neurodivergence, etc.…… are not necessarily shared by other people until I share them, oops

I like taking the, “non-magical/supernatural/ridiculously traumatic in ways that exceed average human capacity” AU setup for all of my fantasy, sci-fi, horror, Gothic, super-powered, or otherwise speculative fandoms…… and then finding ways to translate the supernatural parts into non-supernatural terms. Like, way back in the SPN fandom, my go-to was that Castiel isn’t so out-of-touch with people because he’s an angel; it’s because he’s autistic.

In Teen Wolf land: well, the Hales are generally not all dead, for one thing, because they’re not werewolves so the Argents had no reason to kill them, and Peter deciding to stalk and abuse Scott and Lydia has no magical components to it, he’s just a fucking creeper who preys on and probably assaults teenagers, possibly while he’s dating their mothers (since he’s canonically hit on both Melissa and Natalie, and went out with Melissa that one time in s1).

Then, Jackson’s kanima plot from s2 can be translated into non-magic terms as, for an example, Matt murdering the swim team on his own and dragging Jackson into it after Jackson witnesses one of the murders (I usually move Tucker the Mechanic to earlier and have Jackson be the accidental witness to his murder instead of Stiles), and instead of there being magical mind control murder lizard hijinks, Matt abuses and manipulates Jackson non-magically, Jackson falls harder into his fledgling drinking problem that came up a couple times back in s1 but was never mentioned again, and it’s Bad before Matt eventually gets caught and sent to prison. Even helping send him to prison with a promise of immunity in exchange for his testimony, Jackson doesn’t tell the whole story — not even to Danny — because there’s a lot of it that he’s trying to block out, or that he isn’t really ready or able to fully understand himself.

Or like in the Marvel theatre kids AU that I play around in sometimes, uh. Frankly, trying to make Thor and Loki into humans is kind of an enormous dumpster fire (a dumpster fire that I’ve enjoyed working on, personally, but still: dumpster fire) — also, for the link: cw for death, murder, kidnapping, emotional and psychological abuse, manipulation, (mostly inexplicit) references to torture and ethnically-motivated hate crimes, discussion of war crimes (more inexplicit than not but still), and hardcore douchebag!Odin (as in, he is the one perpetuating most of these war crimes, that is what I mean when I say, “douchebag Odin”)

But, uh. The characters who are not Norse gods are easier to put into non-spandexed terms — like, Bucky’s “winter soldier” plot involves emotional and psychiatric abuse; Sam hasn’t been in the military yet because he is in high school but his wing-man Riley died in a freak accident at Jr. ROTC summer camp; Pietro and Wanda are Erik’s cousins instead of his kids because otherwise I couldn’t have all three of them, and anyway, he’s ridiculously overprotective of them and will probably hurt you if you touch them; Nick Fury is the much beleaguered director of the theatre club, who is trying to (more or less) single-handedly save the entire fine arts department;

and Wade Wilson isn’t on drugs, he’s just like that naturally (“like that” here having the meaning of any number of possible ridiculous things but right now, let’s go with, “following Logan Howlett: Professor of Art™ around the mall on Saturday, narrating the entire thing like an episode of Crocodile Hunter, and dragging Peter Parker with him because Peter actually answered his phone when Wade called him at Too Early On A Saturday O’Clock and he has no idea why they’re doing this, but okay”)

And I was going to be sad because it’s 3:15 AM now and I didn’t feel like I had the energy left to talk about one completely ridiculous Star Wars AU in detail — but I remembered that I actually had a post about it a while back!

Short version: It’s seriously Keeping Up With The Skywalkers, just. Not rich and famous or anything. Also, no one is dead. Except Palpatine, probably. Anakin is a late-in-life closet bisexual who is doing his best to ignore this la la la, Padmé figured out that she was a lesbian after being with him for a while and is now married to Ahsoka — his ex-foster sister — instead, Obi-Wan was their friend in college and he and Anakin had A Thing before someone (Anakin) fell in with a really shitty homophobic pastor-local politician-crime lord who manipulated him (Palpatine) and a messy as fuck break-up ensued and Anakin has been trying to jump in Denial River ever since

(not that Obi-Wan can judge: he became Luke’s mentor when Luke was in college, knows that “Skywalker” isn’t a very common name and that Anakin and Padmé named their son, “Luke,” and he still totally glossed over how he, uh. Knew Anakin a few times over by calling him by his weirdo religious-political-mafia nickname, Darth Vader, in all the stories he told Luke, lol um, whoops?)

Luke is a soft gay activist but Leia is a hard bi activist who’s better at activist work that is more easily understood as activisty while Luke is better at stuff like community building and housing LGBTIQ kids who need places to stay in his spare rooms, Han is married to Leia but probably also kinda married to Lando in Canada (they were drunk, it’s complicated, but Lando is accepted as Basically Family by pretty much everyone. Anakin calls him, “the son-in-law I should have had” when he’s in a pissy mood with Han, which happens often), Chewie is Han’s incredibly hirsute old friend who has no sense of volume control (no one knows why his nickname is, “Chewbacca,” but Han insists that the story doesn’t make sense if you weren’t there), and the Falcon is an old van that’s constantly held together by duct tape, chewing gum, and luck

KyBen is constantly getting in trouble for being a bullying little shit to Poe and Finn on the playground (which is coming out of a lot of things, like, “Ben hates them for being more popular than he is,” and, “Ben hates them for being better at school than he is,” and, “Ben hates Finn specifically because wtf no, how dare you be so charming and make Poe Dameron smile like he likes you, this isn’t fair, Ben was like SO CLOSE to figuring out how to make Poe like him [not really], he’s going to go listen to a metal cover of, ‘You Belong With Me’ in his room and throw things, fuck everybody, he hates this town and this school and his family UGH IT’S NOT A PHASE DAD”)

Poe and Finn really just want that annoying Ben kid to leave them alone already like what is his deal, Hux and Phasma don’t like KyBen either (they just got stuck with him on hall monitor rotations and have to keep him from breaking people’s faces or else it will reflect badly on them), and Rey is a plucky, somewhat abrasive new girl who warms up really quickly if you’re genuinely nice to her and one time beat up Phasma to get her off of Finn because Finn was nice to her so Rey decided that they should be friends. Rey just moved to town with her adoptive dad

Obi-Wan is her adoptive dad

Anakin has the face-crack of the century

and Luke doesn’t want to detract from how hard this is for you, Dad, but is SUPER NOT IMPRESSED WITH EITHER OF YOU for totally failing to mention that you knew each other like???? WHAT. Fuck this, he’s gonna go to Tosche Station and then go have dinner at Mom’s with her and Aunt Ahsoka, this is bullshit

(Luke storms out of his own house, leaving Anakin and one of the kids who’s staying in one of the spare rooms standing in the kitchen super-awkwardly)

(update: it is 3:36 AM now, and I’m still doing better than expected, given how far off the point I’ve wandered here)

19. favorite fandom to write

Uh. Good question.

Cop-out answer that has a basis in fact: right now, my favorite fandom to write technically doesn’t entirely exist yet because I’m still making it up and the fandom won’t be A Thing until the novel’s actually done and people can read it. (And it’s not guaranteed to be A Thing but I’d really like it if I ever got to have a fandom based around something I wrote with my OCs. Like, even all of #The Discourse™, while probably incredibly frustrating on several levels, would be so flattering and I’d be beside myself because ksdfgkfgherb????!!!?! people??? liked??? this thing i wrote???!!!?!!?! enough to make a fandom?????!!!!!!!?!!!! *as yet hypothetical pterodactyl screech!!!!*)

Attempt at an actual answer: Right now, I’m sort of between fandoms a bit. HP is always my good go-to, because there’s always something to do there and even if Sailor Moon was technically here first, HP was my first fandom where I was really actively involved, in more ways than just going, “Huh, what does, ‘mpreg’ mean?” and clicking on that one NC-17 Aragorn/Legolas fic that abruptly shoved tiny eleven-year-old Kassie into the deep end of what goes on in fandom.

(Though in all due fairness, the first fanfic I ever posted online was some crack-ass HP/Sailor Moon crossover with a totally overpowered and inexplicably American Mary Sue self-insert OC. I was coming up on twelve, probably lying on my profile on that site and saying I was 13, and bless the person who took the time to leave a review going, “Hey, I know you’re young and this is a first effort on your part, but you show a lot of imagination here and that’s worth nurturing. BUT you’re not going to get much of anywhere if you don’t work on it and here are a few sources where you can start looking for help at developing characters better. I mean this to help you, so please don’t stop writing or having fun with it. But you can learn to do better, too.”

And then I asked for a copy of Nancy Kress’s book, Dynamic Characters, for my birthday, my parents found it at Borders, and the rest was history.)

(nb: this should definitely be read as me reccing that book. It’s not a perfect guide by any means, but it’s still one of my go-to’s for help with writing and inspiration for character development, and it’s a very solid, reliable resource. Like, I love it so much that I taped and glued my first copy back together about three times because it wore out from how much I read it and how I carried it almost everywhere, and then made buying a new copy a priority when I couldn’t put the old one back together anymore. but anyway.)

So, yeah. HP is my good go-to, and idk, I kind of want to try writing more than headcanons in the YOI fandom, buuuuut I’m not entirely sure where to start with that just yet — or where I want to start, aside from, “No matter what the actual main subject is, it will probably involve Chris doing IDEK what, something ridiculous probably” — and……

Well, the cop-out answer has a basis in fact? My original novel’s been getting most of my writing time and attention lately, so there’s that?

[marissamartinart]

Astrology versus Religion

Jesus is a Capricorn

From the moment I came out of my mother’s womb on March 9th, 2001, I have been a Pisces. For those who aren’t educated in astrology, which is claimed to be pseudoscience, your birth date assigns you one of 12 signs based on the movements and relative positions of celestial objects during that day. In simple terms, our emotions, human affairs, and terrestrial events are all determined to be some specific way based on your sign, what planet is moving in or out of retrograde, and when our sun is in a certain constellation.

Each sign has different traits and characteristics in which describe who you are as a person. I, as a Pisces, the last sign of the zodiac (which I’m not entirely sure why--it’s truly the best sign) have read countless articles and astrological research reports that explain me, and they’re all accurate; Pisces have very open minds and are able to identify with all types of people, as they are undeniably caring and accepting; we are touched and feel sincerely for those who have been hurt-- our compassion runs deep; but while we Pisces are understanding, we are often misunderstood which results in a great amount of time spent being discontent and looking for someone to understand our uniquely wired, sensitive minds; this many times results in us almost glamorizing our own suffering and seeing it as something beautiful when it really isn’t. Yet, the positive from this is that we utilize our imagination to create art or poetry that stems from our depressive behaviors. Well, either that or we end up drifting into our own dream world to escape the current unpleasant state of our lives until we snap out of it with a positive energy (we are resilient, but it’s a disgusting, endless cycle). We tend to be late to appointments, are driven yet space out constantly, and are not known to be the business type but rather are drawn to the creative spectrum. If you’re not a Pisces, all of this information may have been a bore and completely irrelevant to your life, but if you are a Pisces, this information is shocking. It is literally all true, for me at least. Every inch and detail of Pisces reports fit the puzzle of my personality perfectly, unlike any other sign does.

So, what does this mean? Does the day I was born basically determine who I am as a person and how I act towards others in the world? If you’re a believer in astrology, yes that is exactly what it means; but, a large amount of the population leans towards the idea that astrology is, in simple terms, bullshit. According to our dear friend Wikipedia, “Astrology has been rejected by the scientific community as having no explanatory power for describing the universe.” Since astrology is entirely based on the faith you have in the movements of what is above us and in our galaxy rather than detailed explanations and data, it is not real but instead an interesting idea and an irrelevant horoscope in the daily newspaper. This is alarming and frustrating to me; some refuse to believe that movements and gravitational pulls of celestial bodies above us have any effect on who we are, but they live by a book that talks about a guy who created the Heavens and the Earth and essentially made us who we are and gifted us with a predetermined fate.

Generally, I’m not the person to discuss religion, but at this point it is necessary. There are countless religions in the world, all hailing to different versions of a higher power or God by following the rules which they have set in place. Countless people literally dedicate their lives to following their religion and following each guideline that comes with it. With the most prominent religion in my life being Christian, many questions arise for me: what makes the statements, stories, and guidelines in the Christian Bible more believable and reliable than the others? If we all believe that our own religion is the one that is supposed to be followed, as it explains how we came about and how we are supposed to live, then how are we ever supposed to know which is the real, actual story of how we’re meant to be? We can never truly be certain which (if any) God or book or belief is real, but we continue to believe due to faith. There is minimal evidence, but we hold these stories in our heart and believe there is a higher power above that controls us and indicates what our fate in life is, even though we can’t see it. This is where an issue begins to drill my mind: why are people so willing and inclined to believe a book that talks of a higher power who created our Earth, gives us reason of being, and now watches us from a Heavenly place but decide that the idea of astrology, and the movements of our Earth in correspondence with the Sun and stars having an everlasting effect on our emotions/who we are as people, is nonsensical?

Listen to this: the gravitational pull from our moon (and a small amount from our sun) determines whether our ocean's tides are high or low. The moon pulls water towards it, and although we can’t see it, we know gravity is working on our Earth. On December 1st, 2018, Mercury is going to enter into the constellation of Scorpio; the result: communications and relationships becoming more obsessive and intense--we begin favoring deep conversations. Then, on December 6th, 2018, all communications will balance and go back to normal. The gravitational pull on Earth that alters from Mercury orbiting the sun in retrospect to our orbit has an effect on our lives. Furthermore, if there is actual evidence that the gravity in outer space and the placement of celestial bodies does have an impact on Earth, why is it so absurd to believe that they have an impact on our behaviors and well being? If there is a God, and He has an overall say on what our fate is, what we look like, and how our lives play out, what makes the idea of astrology so ridiculous and silly to people?

I don’t speak for all of humanity, but I do think that most people see death and afterlife as a terrifying thing--hence why this thing, called religion, was created in order to comfort us and help us cope with the fact that we’re all going to end up dying. Religion insists that if we follow the path that our higher power wants us to, then at the end of our lives, we will rest peacefully in whatever state we believe in. There will be eternal life, calmness, and all your loved ones are near you for a never-ending wonderful afterlife. This is comforting--it reassures humans that there is a reason for us to be here; we shouldn’t fear death, but we should embrace life and use our time here to benefit others while following God. Religion is a coping mechanism, and that is why so many people drink the Kool-aid. Astrology really doesn’t have any long-lasting benefits other than it is super infatuating and allows you to predict how your future events are going to go. It doesn’t help you get into Heaven, it doesn’t give you a basis on how you should live your life, and it doesn’t give you prayers or strength to get through the low points in your life; this is why we don’t believe it. If there is no actual benefit, and there is no actual evidence or point in believing, we will disregard it. If there is an enormous benefit, but little to no factual evidence, we will still push ourselves to believe it in an attempt to have positive outcomes.

I don’t mean to rain on any religion-fanatics parade, but this is something extremely odd and interesting to think about: both religion and astrology deal with unexplainable identities affecting our lives in different ways, but the majority of people believe one with an end goal and not the other. For all we know, neither could be true, but if they are, I would see it as simply amazing. And if they are both real, and if Jesus was born on December 25th, who knows what year, then he was a Capricorn, meaning he was/is wise, intelligent, and helpful.  

[roxannarambles]

Top 5 Favorite Characters - Fire Emblem Echoes

Iiiit’s that time again! I completed another FE game, so it’s another list of favorites. As usual, expect spoilers!

“Then you'll finally have the truth in your grasp!”

1.) Lukas

I’m fairly certain 90% of my love of Lukas is directly related to his talented voice actor. Because Lukas serves as the ‘faithful guide’ role that’s often slung with heavy exposition, he talks a lot in this game. And it’s wonderful, because his voice is like buttered velvet. When I commented about this online, I realized I really, really, really was not the only fan to comment about Lukas ASMR.

However, the actual character is excellent as well, not just his voice. You may recall from other posts that I adore Kent from FE7. I do have a fondness for the lovely serious fellows at times. Their calmness is soothing to me. I’m a naturally neurotic person, so perhaps that’s why I am drawn to calm characters. Lukas is a steady, reliable touchstone to help weather any storm. The voice of reason.

Clive making these observations, in fact, troubles Lukas. Lukas worries that he is perhaps too calm, to the point of detached. He notes few things stir his passions. Yet as any fan of stoic characters knows, these gentlemen do have a fire beneath, even if they feel out of touch with it at times. Perhaps my favorite moment of the game is a rare moment where Lukas’ temper flares when being railed against by Fernand. It’s proof enough to me that Lukas is certainly capable of fiery emotion, and it’s just a matter of tapping into it. 

“I am Clair. The young man may address me as 'Lady Clair,' or 'milady.'”

2.) Clair

The moment I saw Clair, I thought two things: (a) oh, I’ve seen this character in FEH, looks like another boobywoman to pander fans, and (b) oh shit this is gonna be another Clarine-high-society-snob character, I hate her.

My opinion did a 180 and I am now putting her as my second-favorite character of the game. What changed? She isn’t just a Clarine clone. Clair is written with actual depth and complexity, and I am grateful for that. She’s a high-society girl but she doesn’t make me want to punch her in the face. She actually learns and grows as a person, and she is genuinely kind and caring. She has poise and grace but more importantly she has compassion and treats people honestly. Her interactions with Alm are genuinely sweet (so much so, I kind of wish they paired off instead of Alm and Celica, heh!), and my favorite support conversation in the game. She also has a lovely support with Mathilda. Clair was an unexpected favorite, but I am very grateful she is one. It also helps that her unit is truly useful in-game. She was very, very often my right-hand woman for Alm’s maps.

“There were others my age in the village, but we were never close. I suppose I never felt the need to get to know them. However, I had a most excellent relationship with one of the cats.”

3.) Luthier

Okay, you all know I like my mages bookish and introverted as fuck. That does not mean I like them all, though. I did not like Ricken, Miriel, Hayato, etc.

I do like Erk to bits. And I liked Ewan.

Luthier may fall into the introverted geek who reads too much category, but he also has his own distinctions. For one, his beautifully color-gradiented hair is fucking amazing. For two, he has a prodigy little sister who’s very mean to him (because, well, siblings can just be that way) and serves as a constant reminder that his skills will never match up despite all his diligent work. 

I wanted Luthier to succeed. I liked him. I used him in my game. Sadly, though, his stats and performance in battles seemed true to character. It was servicible, but it never quite matched up to Kliff or to the raw power of Delthia. (and this was after I dropped a couple pegasus cheeses and a few other items on him)

I’m not sure what the takeaway lesson here is. I still think Luthier can find his own niche, in the team and in life, despite not being able to out-compete some of the other mages. At least, I’d like to think so. I also hope he was able to reach out to more people and develop some friendships. It feels like the story of his character was left somewhat unfinished. 

"I dedicate this victory to you!”

4.) Mathilda

Simply put, Mathilda is a badass. And I love that. She’s the best calvary-unit in the game, and I leaned on her heavily. Her good Res especially made her stand out when compared to the other calvary and that, combined with great attack and reliable, steady criticals made her mow through enemies, somebody I could always count on-- especially in a game full of magic units.

Her VA is wonderful (she delivers her lines so forcefully and fantastically), I love her battle pose, and she truly does embody that Amazonian warrior. To be honest, she’s out of Clive’s league-- and I think Clive is fully aware of that. But I enjoy that they actually have a pairing where the woman is a clearly superior fighter to the man. And I really, really enjoy the fact that Clive is not threatened by that fact. Honestly, it makes me appreciate Clive all the more. Their over-the-top sappy dialogue about romantically murdering their foes is cute, too. 

I was disappointed at reading her epilogue-- that she stepped down from being a knight to just “support her husband”-- as the game seemed to be chickening out on the entire point of making a female character that didn’t simply subsume herself to the husband. But Fire Emblem has long had that problem. They can write some good female characters, but they still have a long way to go. Alm and Celica are supposedly sharing the roles of main characters in the game, for example-- but it’s clear Alm’s route still received more attention and Alm was treated as the main hero. Also, Celica’s character had an emphasis on traditionally “female” roles of peace and nurturing. 

Still, at least we got something. It’s a starting point.

“I knew. I always knew. None of my misfortunes were anyone else’s fault… Yet if the world is rotten, then who permitted it to be so? It’s me…and no one else."

5.) Fernand

My affection for Fernand is not rooted in anything particularly deep. I think his character design looks cool, I like his VA, and he was a pretty good villian in the story. It’s not as though his story was very complicated-- “Peasants killed my family so now I hate all peasants”-- but I enjoyed his character nevertheless. Clive’s character was far more complex, truth be told; it explored concepts of leadership and subtler shades of classism. So why aren’t I placing Clive in this slot? I dunno, man! Either one of them would be excellent for this slot. I guess I just like Fernand’s smirk. 

And that’s it for Echoes. Enjoyed playing, but it was a lot shorter and easier then I was expecting, with rather simplistic maps (and very annoying enemy respwans). Some very interesting novel mechanics, though. I thought the dungeon-crawling, the fatigue/food system, Mila’s turnwheel and other things were neat. Even the magic consuming HP was a system I kind of digged-- added a layer of strategy I enjoyed. 

And you have to admit, the voice acting was top-notch, adding so much more depth to what was a fairly straightforward plot (and sometimes very minimal support convos). Anywho, on to the next game!