#my identity is confusing me so fucking much rn

[mcshizzle-the-fire-boy]

chat I think I’m aromantic 🫶🤠

[edgyandoverzealous]

note to self sometimes watching something ironically and for the curiosity of top fandoms of yesteryear ends with *looks at smudged writing on palm* "crying over a snake/dragon/born? were-bitch?, Idk his eyes were fucking blue but I guess that doesn't mean shit cause scott's eyes were red and now they're yellow again but this ain't about him, you never really liked but that cute smart strawberry blonde girl still loved him" god it's so smudged, he's not even dead.

[coalswriting]

time of need - natalie scatorccio

summary – you get captured by your nemesis when your power is needed. (approx. 1.4k words)

a/n – i am very rusty with writing rn!! but this is more of a world-building/introduction chapter. i’m not too sure if i’ll continue with this but if anyone wants to help me out on how to turn this into an enemies to lovers, i’d love to get it done some day :3

anyways, antler queen = lottie, serpent = nat, judgement = taissa, saint = laura lee & you are (h/n) / hero name.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

your head rang as you began to regain your consciousness. your limbs felt as heavy as lead as you tried to move them, your eyebrows scrunching together in confusion.

where were you?

then, you noticed two things. one, that you couldn’t move at all, and two, that you were not in your superhero costume.

oh crap.

white metal walls surrounded you with the clinical vibes of the white lights above your head adding to your headache. you felt exposed and vulnerable, and you supposed that you were, considering you were tied to a damn chair.

struggling, you attempted to loosen the restraints around your limbs. you just needed a bit of leverage, and you’d be able to escape. suddenly, you felt your blood run cold as a door slid open in front of you, and through it walked no other than your arch nemesis, serpent.

“i didn’t expect you to be so easy to capture, (h/n), or should i say (y/n) (l/n)?”  

yeah, you were screwed. when you had made your small hero-squad with antler queen, saint, and judgement, you had sworn never to reveal your identities to each other or the public. ‘it’s way too dangerous and we’d get a lot of people hurt’, you had remembered judgement scolding you.

“serpent,” you seethed. her voice sounded like venom in your mouth, fittingly so. narrowing your eyes, you glared as her blonde locks fell through her hood. you began to struggle more, as she came towards you, fear filling your body much like that of a rabbit about to be eaten by its prey.

“no point struggling, i’ll just knock you out again,” her lips fell straight into a smirk, and you had to tear your eyes off her, instead, opting to look down at the floor.

how did you even get captured?

oh, yeah, you remember now. you were helping a child escape from some rubble while your three teammates were preoccupied with serpent’s groupies. and well, turns out the small child was serpent herself, just shapeshifted. obviously, when it comes to a fight with a shapeshifter who can change their body at will, and somebody who can heal others a considerable amount, the shapeshifter will win. sometimes you hated your power, god.

you took a deep breath, feigning the dread in your stomach, before looking up at her. “right, what do you want?”

serpent’s composure seemed to falter for a moment, her smirk dropping into a thin line. heh, she wanted to stay on her power high for longer. well, you weren’t going to let her do that. win for (y/n). 

“i need your help.”

you stared at her for a moment, raising your eyebrows. “you… what?”

“i need your help, what the fuck don’t you get?”, she snapped, and you nearly fell off the chair from shock. serpent’s demeanor softened as she looked at you apologetically for a moment. “sorry.”

you gulped, nodding your head slightly. you didn’t expect one of wiskayok’s most notorious villains to have a polite side. “yeah, yeah… what do you need me for?”

the blonde pulled her hood down, uncovering her hair. you couldn’t see her face due to the scaly green mask that covered her features, but she looked beautiful, actually. or, ugh, maybe she’d concussed you when she had knocked you out. yeah, that must’ve been it.

“my team’s engineer got into a bad accident when working a few days ago. we managed to keep her stable, but her face is pretty damn fuckin’ mangled.”

she stopped for a moment, watching to make sure you were listening before continuing.

“i’ve seen you literally reconstruct people’s faces on the battlefield. i want you to fix her.”

silence fell over the both of you as serpent paced back and forth in the room, waiting for an answer. you noticed how quietly she walked despite wearing chunky boots and loads of shimmery scale-like armor – it was like she had trained herself to do as such, like she hadn’t lived a life where she felt safe.

“okay,” you finally said, “i’ll do it.”

“what?”, she choked, turning her entire body towards you.

“yeah, you’d literally kill me if i didn’t. but, i want you to let me go after.”

a ghost of a smile crept onto the blonde’s face as she stepped towards you. you looked into her hazel eyes, if that’s what they really were, and she stared into your (e/c) ones. then, suddenly, you felt a cold, yet gentle hand on your jaw, as she pulled it up slightly to inspect your face. goosebumps covered your body as you felt your heart thump in your throat. you felt intoxicated, staring at her and you couldn’t tell if you were panicking from how vulnerable you felt, or from how beautiful she was up close. dang, you knew you’d beat yourself up for being attracted to the enemy; the enemy who had done so many awful things, but also the enemy who had never intentionally hurt an innocent civilian. this was wrong.

suddenly, you felt yourself get lighter, and as serpent let go of your jaw, you realized that she had cut the ropes off you with one swoop of her shape-shifted hand. you swore her cheeks had a red tint to them as she turned to look away, muttering a, “had to make sure i wouldn’t slit your throat…”

how romantic.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“so, this is your engineer?” you enquired, staring at the girl sitting in front of you. her face was covered in bandages, and she seemed a bit reluctant, avoiding eye contact.

serpent only nodded, keeping an eye on every movement you made. she was like a hawk, stalking its prey, and you felt unnerved. if you made one wrong move, you weren’t sure if you’d come out of the lair alive.

“what’s your name?” you asked, sitting down on the seat next to her. before she could open her mouth to speak, serpent cut in with a “no formalities!”

sighing, you rolled your eyes.

“okay, this will be fast; i need you to close your eyes, and i’ll touch the injured part of your face. you don’t need to remove your bandages.”

“will it hurt?” the ginger questioned, shocking you – the whole time, you had thought that she wouldn’t utter a word to you, and for a moment, she kind of sounded like a girl in the av club you attended every thursday. you mentally shook off the connection, deciding that you were probably just concussed and delusional.

“no,” you simply replied, “it’ll feel very hot for a second but that’ll quickly turn into a pleasant warmness. i can focus properly here so there’s no risk of it going wrong.”

and with that explanation, the girl closed her eyes. serpent watched closely as your right palm began to glow, and you placed it onto the girl’s face.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

as much as you didn’t expect it, serpent was somebody who kept to her word. one second, you were performing your healing magic, the next, you were awoken by your roommate, jackie, throwing a rabbit plushie at your head. “jesus, (y/n), turn off your damn alarm! it’s been going off for ages!”

you moaned, disoriented, grabbing your head with one hand while reaching over to turn off the alarm. your brain felt like it was imploding.

“holy shit, you look awful! did you hit your head?”

hearing this caused you to sit up almost instantly and peer across the shared room at the mirror that adorned the wall. yep, you had a bad bump above your left eye and the bruise that was forming was not pretty.

damn fucking serpent.

“oh, yeah, uh. i bumped my head getting out of the shower last night,” you lied biting your tongue, “you were asleep.”

your roommate simply shrugged her shoulders before murmuring “be more careful” and flipping to face the wall in her bed.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

you shuffled through the hallways of your university, dodging hordes of students who had just finished their evening lectures. it was your favourite time of the week; av club, and as you swung the door open, you walked into somebody.

“oh, sorry,” you murmured, staring at the perpetrator. she was a bit shorter than you and had layered platinum blonde hair and intoxicating chocolate brown eyes. your mouth hung open for a moment, trying to figure out why this girl looked so familiar. “um, do i know you from somewhere?”

she simply shook her head ‘no’ before pulling out a box of marlboro reds. “never seen you in my life. i’m nat.”

“(f/n),” you replied, quietly. the girl nodded, acknowledging you, before brushing past you coldly.

behind where she had stood, in the back of the club room, you could see van staring.

[weebsinstash]

Ok so tmi (on the tmi blog lol) but the first day of my Cycle I had a dream that I had just given birth and I was holding my baby and I was goddamn euphoric even though the logical part of me was like “???? I am 22 and broke i CANNOT have a baby rn” and I woke up crying and called my friends like I WANNA HAVE A BAAAAAABYYYYY I WANT A BAAAAAAABYYYYYYYY so basically. Imagine. Miguel catches you in a moment of weakness. And he NEVER. FUCKING. FORGETS IT.

Oh wow girlie those period hormones grabbed you by the uterus and absolutely REFUSED to let go

NO BUT FOR REAL don't look at me but I've been thinking of a concerning number of ideas where it's like, "Reader suddenly realizes they may want a baby and is actually putting serious thought into it and Miguel finds out (bet your ass Peter B tells him, i can see him as a "well intentioned" platonic guardian/mentor figure who sells you out to Miguel the second he thinks you're doing something risky or he thinks it's for your own good) and Miguel starts making all these plans and preparations behind your back to have a baby with you" and obviously I like the extra juicy option of "he found out you got extremely depressed and tied your tubes or something because you either see no point in you having a kid/think it's too late, OR, Miguel was the only person you were looking at as a potential father and you either decide it wouldn't work out or he does something to hurt you and you lose trust in him" so like, the double whammy combo of him being hit with the news you basically walled off your fertility that he's kinda fantasizing about AND you blame him for it

You see him chokeslam Miles on the train and having all these serious anger and stress issues and you're like "hmmmm don't like that" and basically make the tubal ligation appointment that week (but, you know, he'll either interfere before you can actually get it or even reverse it later on)

Like. Ugh I'm not sure if I should go super into detail bc I feel like I want to put this scene in the YouTwo fic or in a different idea i have thats more centered around motherhood, but, picture he catches you in his monitor room one day after you've lost your home dimension, you're having a little more than just a small identity crisis, and he catches you having Lyla show you the model for your life, or what the algorithm had predicted your life was supposed to be like before your universe just magically poofed away. You're just staring at these holograms with tears running down your face and he occasionally catches you starting to reach out like you want to touch what you see. He comes to stop you because he already knows all too well where this could lead, you can't become tempted to break canon and go somewhere else, but you beg him to let you watch just a little longer

"I was supposed to get MARRIED! I was supposed to have a BABY! I was supposed to have a family!! It's not fair!!"

And he's in total agreement with you because, who even fucking knows why your universe suddenly destabilized and vanished. He sees you as this person who has so much promise and potential who had their destiny and future literally snatched away from them and now you're lost and confused on what you're supposed to do, like really he totally understands why you feel so aimless. But watching these holograms is like torturing yourself, and he goes to stop you when you just keep crying because this is basically sending you into a critical mental health episode

"Someone was supposed to fall in love with me... we were supposed to have a baby... would I have been a good mom? Would I have had a boy or a girl? Cant you at least let me find out what my daughter's name would have been?"

And it's like NOOOO you can't hit him with the daughter card, don't you see what you've DONE!!! Gets him right in the heart. Now he's got this massive soft spot for you, bigger than it already was anyways, and he can tell over time you're just really starting to, grieve the future you were supposed to have, falling into a depression. Peter B is hanging around with Mayday like he usually does as both men can tell you're really staring at his baby today and he offers to teach you how to hold her. you're standing there misty eyed twirling one of her little curls around your finger as her dad starts volunteering information to you, "you know she's about XYZ months old now, they aren't really talking yet at this age but they're really curious about their surroundings and--"

Miguel watches as you start talking about children and suddenly get this really really tortured expression and just say "it's not meant to happen" and or some combination of "it's too late for me" and gives him his baby back a little too quickly in typical "I am clearly leaving the room to go cry" fashion. Meanwhile Peter B is like 38 wondering why you think you're out of time or it's not supposed to happen

Miguel's working one day and Peter is trying to shove his phone in his face, "you know I think this is one of the BEST photos of Mayday I've ever taken, she's looking so cute here, you just GOTTA see it" and Pete just won't let up and Miguel finally looks just to humor him because the man is being unusually annoying and, it's a photo of Mayday, duh, but being held by you, and you're clearly looking down at her with watering eyes and the smallest little smile that says "I'll die for you" and Peter is just all 😏 as Miguel is 'suddenly' interested in the photo. "That's a really good photo of MAYDAY, right? 😏 I figured you would like it, that photo of MAYDAY 😏" and Miguel is just grumbling and grouchy bc he sees what this guy is tryna do, but he's still like ".... send it to me later, I'm trying to work right now"

It's even worse if you're a member of his strike force because you're constantly around him, Peter B, and Jess. Miguel just, idly wondering where you are and deciding to walk around a little bit and eventually finds that you're having some sort of conversation with Peter B and Jess and he can tell you look really weepy as the other woman invites you to feel her baby kicking, like, you could not more obviously be developing baby fever, and you ARE around that age, and ESPECIALLY if you live in Nueva York because it's like, YEAH you're still a Spider and YEAH you help the Society with stuff but. Your home universe is gone, your canon is gone, you're kind of. Free as a bird really? But you're also scared because, if someone was destined to love you, does that mean it technically isn't meant to be to fall for anyone else? You can't exactly hook up with people at the Spider Society because of canon or them already having relationships, and you don't exactly have identifying documents if you wanted to try and adopt

I think it'd really reach a stressful breaking point if you and the strike force go to another universe to fight an anomaly and Miguel catches you staring out into the crowd of people you just saved and he sees what youre looking at instantly and his heart sinks. Another you, another normal you, never bitten by a Spider, is standing there with her husband and her little sputtering baby, and he has to all but drag you away as you cry "it's not fair, it's not fair, why does SHE get a normal life!!"

Sidebar for a moment, I think that's probably also one thing that would be so INFURIATING about the doppelganger stealing your life story because THEY have a home universe and YOU don't. They take your life, they take literally everything you have left, your friends, your sense of community, your literal purpose. I've already decided on YTs motivations but could you imagine you finding out YouTwo actually has a decent life and maybe even a husband and kid of their own and you're just furious because they're basically abandoning their duties back home not only as a Spider but as a parent/spouse to steal what YOU have? You can't kill them because it would break their canon and kill like countless people but Miguel and the others would def let you beat the shit out of your evil double and get some of your anger out. Like. Jesus could you imagine Miguel kicks you out thinking you're the fake and after you're gone, YouTwo breaks canon and that's what exposes them, or theyre exposed when they eventually take a trip back home and get caught. The Society's regret, the guilt, the anger, just marinate me with the drama

But anyways back to Being Sad and Babycrazy, you go missing one day and Miguel has to decide what to do when he finally tracks your bracelet and you're back in THAT dimension again. He has to physically track you down using your bracelet's signal because you refuse to answer his messages and you're, in the home of the other you while she takes a brief nap, in the nursery, holding her baby. Miguel quietly climbs through the window and you're in a rocking chair and you've got her hugged to your chest and your eyes are closed and you sense him and, obviously cry because you know you have to leave. Unlike with the holograms he doesn't give you any leeway on this, putting his foot down that this has to end here, this cant go on, this is already so dangerous. And, you're good for him and understand, leaving the baby back in its crib as you and Miguel warp away. You're heartbroken but ultimately understanding when he has to disable your watch's ability to visit that specific dimension again, and you're obviously extremely depressed for a while, having multiple Spiders coming to check in on you as word spreads around that you aren't doing well

I can just see Reader becoming kind of desperate because the only options for a baby you really have left is to either 1. get a serious relationship, which you're scared of because you have to trust that person and who can you even pick, you're nervous about breaking canon or something, or 2. Get some random person to impregnate you so you can run off with the baby

Miguel gets a call from Peter B that you went to a bar and you're EXTREMELY wasted as you try to pick someone, ANYONE up and like, you have admirers for sure but there's enough decent people around to keep the creeps in line, clearly you are in a vulnerable state of mind right now, and Miguel gets to tote your drunken ass back home as you drunkenly word vomit all your feelings to him because, unfortunately for you, he has your trust, and you need comfort right now, and you even ask him about what being a parent was like for him. You encouragingly tell him he shouldn't give up if he still wants kids, you trying to be genuinely nice and not trying to imply anything, blubbering about how he deserves to still be happy and he's still got time, and here's Miguel who's practically tracking your cycles at this point, TOTALLY not going to use anything you say to him while you're piss-drunk against you

Especially if you add ABO into the mix and you have a Miguel who's either Alpha/Omega and is already babycrazy af and he sees you literally fucking YEARNING for it, like. You've got a 6'9" Alpha basically looking at you, his poor lil Omega crush, with the big yandere goo goo eyes and how you need all this love and support and stability and how you're in need of a proper husband and of course he's all too willing to volunteer himself for the job. Even if he's too awkward to come right out to you and say it, he'll be thinking in his head and planning behind your back ways to take care of you, keep you away from any drugs/alcohol (no more smoking weed with metro boomin Spiderman, you've gotta detox your body to have a baby! Also, different concept but, Miguel basically keeping you in a bubble to control all your meals and recreational activities and all of that so he can make sure you're perfectly healthy for a baby)

Don't let this man catch you slipping up! Throw you to the Spider Society and you'll come back pregnant 😭 he sees you so depressed and wanting a baby and it's like well, if your life needs new meaning, he can help literally make one for you 😏 he's been feeling protective and nurturing of you anyways, so, it's an extra benefit for him to think of getting to have both you AND a little baby of your very own ❤️

[velvetvexations]

TERFs are so bad at making bottom surgery sound bad. Saw one say "--- (read: trans woman "vaginas" and trans man "penises") is something only erotic to a necrophile". Which was obviously intended to be off putting but i dunno I think it sounds kinda metal???. N there's one i just ran into calling neovaginas "axe wounds" which I KNOW is meant as an insult but oh my god it makes them sound so badass to me

lmao it was bad enough I felt compelled to censor it but yeah we're all about reappropriating TERF conceptions of trans people here

I'm white myself but I've been noticing more and more that white trans people have such a victim complex and believe themselves (ourselves) to be the most oppressed group ever. An acquaintance of mine (a famous trans activist) recently said that "trans people are the only people that face hate for how we dress". Like??? what about ethnic and religious minorities??? what about All Women including cis ones??? She also loves using antisemitism as an example of what "could" or "is going to" happen to trans people while treating it as something that was resolved after ww2 and is not very much still rampant

People are drawing swastikas on Synagogues and calling it praxis!

Idk if you ever saw this comic, but about a month ago, a trans man made a jokey joke comic about making an appointment at the gyno where the receptionist was confused. The ultimate punchline was that he's trans, and thus is the one who needs the appointment. It's v clear that the main point of confusion is that the receptionist thought she was talking to a cis man, who would have no real need for gynecological care. In the "I'm upset when not about me" crowd of TRFs, they decided it was transmisogynistic bc no *actually* the receptionist thought the trans man on the line with a deep voice was really a trans woman. Because sometimes trans women are mistaken as men over the phone. Idk if they just missed that it wasn't a primary care provider or what, but it was v clear to me that the idea was confusing a trans man over the phone for a cis man. Cis men generally don't need gynecologists. Trans men can need gynecologists. It had fuck all to do with trans women on a subtextual level. I can't fathom how they thought that.

TRFs CANNOT fucking read holy shit I hope they fucking apologized to the author

sorry to bring up PT AGAIN ik you are probably tired of hearing about it, but one of the last posts.i read before unfollowing was a comparison of transandrophobia believers with James Fucking Somerton. and its ironic as fuck to me because alot of critiques of Somerton can absolutely apply to them. equating any critique as harassment based on their identity is a big one and its been driving me nuts to see trfs envoke a James Somerton comparison when they are doing similar shit to him

James Somerton is a convenient lightning rod to compare every bad queer person for the rest of time

As a trans male I hate the weird, white knight shit that i see so many other men doing rn, like shut up will you?? Trans boys are not "cowards" or "incels" for not putting themselves in harm's way for (ESPECIALLY) CIS WOMEN Or trans women/girls. I'm so sick of seeing that stupid shit. Those guys are on the same level as military recruiters in my opinion. Just as predatory and fucking dangerous. Like not to be a dick but why do they seem SO convinced that trans boy must be naturally so much stronger then the average trans girl? Hello???????? Hello???

Man is the Strong Gender.

honestly of it wasn't for the lesbian separatism shit i would think that some transfem TRFs want some kind of tradwife-style "macho manly man protects his wife who is a delicate flower incapable of both violence and self-defense who will die if you look at her too hard" thing with a transmasc partner or something, given the way they actively applaud transmascs who talk like that. which would be totally fine if it was a weird fetish thing but this seems to be an actual expression of their politics (also am i just old or does anyone remember when the dominant feminist rhetoric was "women are just as strong as any men and can protect themselves")

it sure feels like that doesn't it lmao

IN WHAT UNIVERSE ARE WHITE PEOPLE INVISIBLE lmaoooo that post was too much

seriously lmao

I really dislike "trans women are the women of women" cuz once again we're using woman to mean the lowest position in a hierarchy

as always

Just something I wanted to share bc it made me really happy: when the forcefem blog made that post about how forcemasc isn't revolutionary and makes no sense or whatever the fuck, one of my transfem mutuals talked about how stupid the aforementioned post was and expressed her support for forcemasc and transmascs in general. I had no doubts that she was supportive of transmascs but that made me super happy!

Hell yeah, I'm really happy for that anon!

Happy Christmas eve if u celebrate ^^ hope ur havin' a good evening [or whatever time it is over where u live]

you as well <3

Logging into Tumblr after a chill movie night with the family only to see you've murdered a guy, holy shit

my tits were too heavy once more

saw another transandrophobia denier, this time on my dash specifically

terrible

Hell yeah it's always nice to find a casual history enjoyer online who's not racist

I do my best.

[modern-inheritance]

Alright one combo-wombo of MIC character lore because I feel it rn. I’ll rewrite this later.

Heads up for talk of fertility/infertility below the cut.

Even by elf standards, MIC!Arya is EXTREMELY infertile. I didn’t know how else to put it. That scar on her abdomen is from another forsworn run in and the injury itself basically destroyed one ovary and she has a lot of scarring. If she ever did conceive, there is a pretty much zero chance the pregnancy could go to term or even pass the first trimester.

Elves make a conscious decision about conception. They have to consciously decide that they are going to be trying for children. So their first time together, as biologically driven as it is, Arya just tells Eragon that there is no chance for pregnancy because of that.

When they discuss it later, though, Arya is…nervous. She doesn’t know how Eragon as an individual feels about having children in the future, but she’s seen how the people of Carvahall value blood ties and how Roran dotes on Ismira. Arya is, as I’ve shown before, more scared of Eragon disappearing from her life (through death or by finding someone else, though deep down she knows and he knows that they are as forever as it gets) and she’s lowkey terrified that Eragon would leave her if he couldn’t continue his bloodline. He’s the first Rider of a new age, after all.

Well…after cuddling his mate and telling her it doesn’t change at all how he feels, Eragon suddenly gets quiet before asking Arya if, in the future, she would be open to raising a child. Confused, Arya tries to reiterate that it’s impossible but Eragon presses back and just asks again, clarifying that he said ‘raise,’ not ‘conceive.’

She quietly tells him that yes, in the far future, if they survive the war and the Riders work out, then one day she would be open to such a thing as long as it’s with Eragon by her side.

And this man fucking leaps out of their shared cot and gets on his hands and knees to look Arya in the eye.

“Arya, do you know what that means?? We could give a child a family! Like Garrow and Miriam and Roran did for me! We could give a child a family!! Not just an elf child or a human child but ANY child! Arya, we could be parents for someone who needs a family and who needs people there for them, like all our friends are there for us! and if they aren’t from our races or cultures, look at all our friends! We can keep that part of their identity alive and a part of them! Arya, we are like…the best option for foster parents or adoptive parents or just the people they need at the time and I love you so much just so we’re clear on that–”

“How the fuck did I land such a man?”

“Technically, you threw an egg at my head!”

[callmearcturus]

Can you post your MI movie ranking again? Not sure if it was ranking or viewing order but either way you’ve convinced me to watch these

Okay what my suggested viewing order is:

Ghost Protocol (MI4)

Rogue Nation (MI5)

Fallout (MI6)

Mission Impossible 1 (MI1)

Dead Reckoning Part One (MI7)

Ghost Protocol is the weakest of this batch of movies, but it is still in my opinion an incredible on-ramp. I always pitch it the same way, but GP is just a Leverage episode with a blockbuster budget. It's the soft-reboot of the series, it has some of the best team chemistry, it's funny, it has two of my favorite moments of pure physicality in the entire series. It's a great intro.

Rogue Nation is like the Platonic Ideal of an MI movie. It's the Ethan-and-Benji movie, and their chemistry is truly amazing. The Turandot sequence is so fucking glorious, and Ilsa Faust is great AND SOLOMON LANE IS OUR BEST VILLAIN BY FAR. In GP the villain is a non-entity to drive the plot. RN has some fucking baller character writing. Also has the funniest moment in any MI.

Fallout is a perfect movie. I could say more but there's no point. Fallout is a perfect movie. It's gorgeous. It's emotional. It's tense. It's character-driven. I love it.

Mission Impossible The Original is going to surprise you. It's a dense, tense, psychosexual thriller and explains......... so fucking much about Ethan Hunt and his lingering trauma. I adore it. Except the action movie ending is stupid, but right before the action movie ending, it gives you a hot sexy thriller ending, so it's fine.

And you need the context of MI1 to truly get Dead Reckoning, because it is a movie obsessed with the legacy of the series. It's really fucking good. But save it for last.

What about MI2 and MI3? If you think you would enjoy a dumb stupid flashy hilarious action movie that is the diametric opposite of every other MI movie, watch MI2. It's fun.

I cannot recommend watching MI3, I think it's absolutely terrible. MI2 is stupid but at least it has an identity as a movie. MI3 is a confused mess that throws all continuity out the window and almost breaks the idea of Ethan Hunt imo because it doesn't know what it wants to do, what to say, it's pointless.

My personal MI film ranking:

Fallout

Rogue Nation

Mission Impossible 1

Dead Reckoning Part One

Ghost Protocol

Mission Impossible 2

placeholder for the worst possible iteration of Dead Reckoning Part Two

Mission Impossible 3

[ratatatastic]

I followed you not that long ago and I’m curious about who are your teams, who are the eh I don’t really like them but if my teams don’t win I want them to win, and who are the absolutely no I would rather burn every thing than see them have one good game?

And do you have players who you like to watch outside of your teams?

i basically hate every team except the cats and wish every other team a "go to hell!!!" hope this helps!

okay but the real answer is its all very complicated for me there are different levels of hate and theyre all very contrarian so like

heres a handy dandy venn diagram of hate for all of us who need visuals (me i need visuals) to understand what type of hate we are dealing with here

"geographical based" hate can range from "my sportscity has a rivarly with yours"/"my sportscity is ritually beaten by yours in a big public humiliation spectacle and im tired of it" to "i hate that city/state i think they should be blown off this earth and we would be better off for it"

"media coverage based" hate can range from "i think your social media presence is annoying"/"i roll my eyes when panels bring up these teams in discussions" to "the people you employ/give access to cover your team are awful it pisses me off and its a waste of journalism"

"i just hate you go die" hate is as the tin says i hate you (many reasons that can fill out a laundry list)! go die!

there are naturally also special categories in here too such as

"i dont hate YOU i hate going AGAINST you" is self explanatory or "i temporarily hate you for a small timeframe but once this game is over i will go back to being fond of you but holy shit IT SUCKS PLAYING AGAINST YOU WHY ARE YOU THE WAY THAT YOU ARE"

"hating you feels like kicking a toddler" hate isnt hate at all it's "theres not much reason to maybe if you were better i might find it"/"maybe there was a reason back then but its been so long that the cushion of time softened it and now you just suck so it doesnt particularly matter anymore" or "you are so pathetic i did find a way to be charmed about it and im a little confused on how i got here myself"

if you notice team-in-laws (teams that my bestie like/we BOTH like but AREN'T our teams/is her government assigned sportscity so we are legally required to watch games as she is with mine lest we get taken out by a sniper etc etc) slot into those 2 special categories: ducks, wild, sabres. and i like/enjoy most players on those teams. pens wouldn't be a team-in-law for me but it would be for her since theyre my second favourite team but the way i like them is very different from the way i like the cats. i am completely insane about my kitties (gestures towards the blog) as you can see. the pens is like... 50% of that actually maybe even a little less?

anyways thats for general team hate, for player hate, which you didnt particulary ask but i do have to establish hate philosophy to set up which players i like enough to go out of my way to watch a game theyre in because its hard to differentiate them from their team identity since theyre so intrinsically intertwined at the root of it and usually just scrolling on twt i will consume some sort of content from every player whether highlights or charming clips and go "hmm cool" but not feel much other than that about it.

like do i like jarvy? yeah i think hes fucking hysterical! the gee snsd edit lives in my head rent free its a masterpiece that single handely worked than any other propaganda. do i go "wow the canes are playing rn my parasocial best friend i should go drop everything and go watch that" absolutely tf not id rather shoot my foot than watch a canes game if one of my teams arent playing are you insane

like do i like a good finn? of course! better if they have a relationship with my finns!! but also jfc i am not gonna turn on an avs game and enjoy it just because i giggle at mikko when hes not on the ice you know?

so players i really like outside the conditional clauses in above mentioned blocks of texts there are few and far in between... but as of late zetterlund has charmed me and while i turned on sharks games to watch shaken macaroni martini and the kid named dogfood like everyone else is when i had nothing else to do because theyre fun! its fun hockey!! (when theyre not going through the horrors of sharks hockey) i think my twt algorithm kept putting zetterlund in front of me and eventually i imprinted like a little duck on him so now i just find myself turning on games and focusing on him. and thats the best example i can really think of as of now.

(↑ this is excluding ex-pantrs i was very fond of when they played with us because if i notice i dont have a cats game to watch i go "hey [ex-cat]'s team is playing rn sure why not lets put it on kinda miss him :(")

tldr; cats are my faves, i would consider pens my second fave but even that is a little wonky because i think wild might start becoming my second faves at this point, i enjoy the ducks and sabres. sharks and nucks are cool and i always root for them when theyre not facing my team. and preds have juice! i like juicy couture he gives me special feelings! and i hope that answers that clear enough someones gotta be a "mary mary quite contrary how does your hatred grow" around here

[dritbail]

omg presentation blog im so lazyyyyyy

'Bout me

Hi, I'm DritBail, but I also go by various nicknames such as; Icker/Ickerbear, WorkerZero/WorkerAtZeroSpeed, 4le516, PlasticKilla, DritBailX (on questionable places) etc.

19 y/o

Spanish/English speaker, trying to master english

All pronouns, but I prefer gender neutral/neopronouns

Enby Genderfluid Transmasc GNC, Demisexual Trixic (Attracted to female individuals basically :])

Afro-Latin, Mexican

BYF!!: Autism, ADHD and schizophrenia, please take that in note if you wanna interact with me, sometimes I'm very explosive and/or I can get confused with somewhat amibiguous messages

I'm also a sh (s3lf-h4rm) user, please don't get upset with me if I do references or direct representations of sh, that's because it's my way of dealing with it and feeling better about myself. I don't seek to glorify it or make it look like something good and quirky. Likewise, whenever I include something of this type, I'll mark it in case you want to avoid seeing it!

I'm a freelance digital artist, and I'm also kinda a 3D artist! I make those works on MagicaVoxel and Blockbench

I'm a BIG fan of The Black Eyed Peas, they're my favorite group and I love (almost) all of their songs in all of their phases (ATBAN Klann, BEP pre-Fergie, BEP4 and BEP)! Including the Urbz soundtrack they made (I'm listening those rn lmao). I always refuse to do art of real life people but they're the exception, also they literally help me a lot with my daily struggles and even they're a part of my identity! (The BEPgender is for everyone). Also, I'm a big fan of MySims (and the Sims saga in general), it's my comfort saga but also has everything I could ask for; cute chars, simple gameplay, belic scenarios, political conflicts, social critic, etc., I even have an AU but its like fucked up and edgy and different dude its so unique

I told you the important things and so, here are some random extra things that nobody cares about

I'm also a fan of JSR/F, Bomb Rush Cyberfunk, THPS, Bethesda games, Saints Row, Cooking Mama, Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi, Just Cause, Cyberpunk 2077, Sunset Overdrive, Mirror's Edge and some other media

I have a Wii and a Xbox360, and I'm a mega fan of those consoles, and a big fan of Mii's and Xbox Avatars (Underrated as hell). Some of my OC's are freaking Xbox Avatars lol

I have some projects goin' on so expect updates of those if you are interested, my main goal is to mod the BEP to BRC, all from scratch and done by myself

I'm also modding some items and chars of MySims to L4D2 wit a friend

I'm open to play games with people, my PC can handle almost all games! but I won't buy nothing new just for playing and much less if its an multiplayer only experience. Anyways, I got a lot of games on my Steam acc so we surely can find a fun game to play together, my Steam acc:

[crowning-art]

TGCF SPOILERS FINALE!

Me and 10 cuties who have been keeping up with my crazy TGCF journey after i finally finished it 2 years later lmaoo

*Note that clown in the center is me and everyone knows why after seeing my wonderful, beautiful, RIDICULOUS AND OUTLANDISH theories throughout the read lmaoo

Without further ado...the finale!!

-------------------------------------------------------

Goushi really swooped in during the LAST TWO SECONDS of this huge novel and really just stole everyone's heart, huh? I love this dude

In the last second, a hand caught Feng Xin’s boot, and Feng Xin caught Mu Qing’s boot. When he looked up, he cried, “WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!! GUOSHI OLD SIR, PLEASE DON’T EVER LET GO, ALRIGHT!!!”

YOOO FENG XIN ACCEPTED HIS CHILD OH MY GODDD DJJDJDJDJF T-T THE CHARACTER GROWTH

THE WAY THE TABLES HAVE TURNED AHHHHH its now Xie Lian who has Jun Wu pinned and nailed down to the ground with a sword djdjdjjdjjd low key, Xie Lian really needed to do that....yknow....therapeutically lol

I love this so much cuz ya, at the end of the day, it's tiring, it's exhausting keeping up a facade and forcing yourself to be someone who u know really isn't you and I feel Jun Wu despite all he's done was very heavily a product of his situation.

“I just genuinely really miss Your Highness,” Guoshi said. “I miss the once-Kingdom of Wuyong,

I miss our people, and I miss the days before we ascended. That’s all.”

“…”

Guoshi then added, “It’s been so many years, Your Highness. Just watching you makes me tired. Very tired. How about you? Are you not exhausted?”

And yes, I get that there was still a bit of inherit evil within him which got amplified thanks to the wuyong problems but like at the end of the day, he's just a sad little meow meow

AND THEN

AND THEN

“…Have I been defeated?” Jun Wu sounded a little lost.

After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.

DJDIFNIFJFJFJFJ DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY IT AGAIN??? HJDHDHFHFHF U KNOW WHAT IM GONNA SAY AND UGH ITS ALWAYS BACK TO THE ✨️THEMES OF KINDNESS AND LOVE✨️ BRB gonna cry some more AGAIN

Ahh I remember pointing this out a while back but Hua Cheng was always the ONLY one who really helped ground Xie Lian when he was lost and confused. Like the split emotions he kept feeling of not knowing whether to laugh or cry, all gone even when he's told the craziest news yet, aka Wu Ming identity

All of a sudden, thousands of emotions, millions of words swarmed into his head. There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.

Lol u guys don't even get it, there were so many parts that were my fave here and I was trying my best to not post the whole chapter here cuz i loved EVERY part, the way Xie Lian leaped into Hua Chengs arm at the end, the cute Xianle trio bickering, just everything T-T

WTF U MEAN LIL BREAK I DO NOT NEED THIS RN PLZ DONT OH MY GODOHMYGODOHMYGOS HUA CHENG DONT U DARE DIE OH MYGOD

All of this:

Hua Cheng’s long and slender fingers gently combed through Xie Lian’s mussed hair. “Then, Your Highness, do you know why I refuse to leave this world?”

Xie Lian couldn’t understand why Hua Cheng could still be so calm at a time like this, as he was panicking so hard he was trembling. But, while feeling lost, he still simple-mindedly asked,

“Why?”

Hua Cheng replied quietly, “Because I have a beloved who is still in this world.”

Hua Cheng said quietly, “Your Highness, I understand your everything.

“Your courage, your despair; your kindness, your pain; your resentment, your hate; your intelligence, your foolishness.

“If I could, I would have you use me as your stepping stone, the bridge you take apart after crossing, the corpse bones you need to trample to climb up, the sinner who deserved the butchering of a million knives. But, I know you wouldn’t allow it.”

They really did invent love, I can't think of anything else to say to this 😭

HIS EXPRESSION MY HEART CRACKED INTO A MILLION PIECES AT THIS WHOLE SCENE BUT ESPECIALLY AT THIS LINE

Hua Cheng’s gaze was gentle and blazing, that remaining eye filled with love, and it gazed at him silently.

He's gonna be back for sure. The red string and the ashes are still there....but it's still soooo saaad

LMAOOO the heavenly officials became homeless fr I'm dying lmaoooo

ROUYE IS BACK YESSSS!!! AND UGHH XIANLE TRIO!! IM SO HAPPY THEY R TOGETHER AGAIN!! I MISSED THIER SHENANIGENS SO MUCH

Xie Lian rummaged around his sleeve and fumbled out a white silk band that was torn in half, and said joyously, “Yeah, finally, the material to fix Ruoye is found! I’ll go patch it up right now!”

However, Feng Xin stopped him. “Patch it up? You?! Forget it, what can you patch? Ask someone else to help you.” Then he turned his head and shouted, “MU QING! COME GET TO WORK!”

Pei Su and Banyue were really an underrated duo this whole book, especially with the way they guarded Ke Mo and the other ghosts lol

Pei Su and Banyue were sitting at the entrance, both of their expressions blank.

Feng Xin divorce arc lmaooo Finally it came to an end...and in a really nice and mature way. I really appreciated the way MXTX wrote Jian Lan's whole character, like she also grew as a person and is def underappreciated

However, Jian Lan withdrew her smile. “What you’ve said are all things of the past. What was love once doesn’t mean it’ll last. I’m not interested in being a charity case and a nuisance.”

And Xuan Ji! Everyone really grew up huh? (*sobbing incontrollably*)

Still don't like Pei Ming smh overgrown man child fr U go Yushi Huang for showing him whose boss!!

GUZIIII MY HEART NOOOOO I really respect LQQ for doing this

so I could only…gather a bit of the soul particles of the Green Ghost and keep them in a lamp. Now he shows up in front of me every day hugging that lamp, asking when the soul within the lamp will grow bigger! I really…”

And Guzi! Fret not! Qi Rong will be back cuz his ashes aren't destroyed!!

THE PEARLS ARE BASICALLY A GIFT FROM THE INLAWS THAT HUA CHENG HAS NOW DJJDJDJDJDJDJFJDJD

A moment later, Xie Lian nodded slowly. “It’s mine. It’s a pair of pearls my father and mother gave me when I was young.”

Lol Ling Wen's punishment thooo and the subtle hint that Ling Wen may have acc cared for the dude despite everything kinda warms my heart

Ling Wen gave a small laugh. “Your Highness, don’t say it like I would do anything for him. After all, I’m cold-blooded and recognize no loved ones, so why would I do anything like that?”

“Is that right?”

“Let it be.

I love love love the way the passage of time was described here God I don't know how to explain it but I love it

People came like the tide, then left like the tide. Mount Taicang regained its deserted lonesomeness.

Atop Mount Taicang, there used to be an enormous field of maple trees. They were all burnt down by that massive fire, but reborn after a thousand years. They were no longer the same ones Xie Lian leapt through to train once upon a time, but the landscape was the same.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAASASSMXKXKXJXNCJXNX AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

With three thousand Blessings Lanterns rising along with the night behind him, that man turned back and gazed at him. Robes redder than maple, skin as white as snow; between the brows of a face so handsome it couldn’t be stared at, there was still that wildness and a feral aura, a proudness that couldn’t be cut down.

There were no words. Both started walking towards the other.

A step, another step, each step faster than the next, then finally, they started running.

He ran forward whilst tears fell and stayed behind him. Xie Lian voiced this in his heart: he believed.

He believed that this man would die for him again and again, and would be reborn for him over and over. Even if he fell into the depths of hell, he would break through the abyss for his “belief”.

Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other.

This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.

DID I CRY HERE? U BET YOUR FUNKY LIL BEAN I DID And u don't get get AGUHH it took 1000 pages for them to get to where they were AND ONLY ONE PAGE TO MEET AGAIN THE ABSOLUTE POETIC METAPHOR HAS ME LOSING MY MIND u have to read through 244 chaps to see them trying to get to each other and when they finally do..it takes less than a page for them to reunite again I AM CRYING RN

The grand final banquet in Puqi shrine, with windmaster and the fellow beggars, he xuan secretly eating with them, fengqing arguing and bantering (flirting basically -_-), heaven's eye, hualian, the heavenly officials dropping by, just everyone finally living a happy life

What a story! Like what a story! Unbelievable!

This is how it started and this is how it ended

However, if people worship the divine statues of this one god and one ghost together, then there will be a miracle

Cuz their whole story is a miracle but that's the point! U can't give up! Xie Lian's story IS inspirational despite being fictional! Believing in your principles and doing the right thing, showing kindness no matter the circumstance, and growing from adversities, honestly I had so much to say but I read the post script and lmao MXTX said EVERYTHING I wanted to say!

-------------------

I'm always the kind to finish books within a day or two but I really didn't want this one to end (hence two years to read it) but God the whole experience was so incredible and tbh, I started documenting my thoughts for myself just so I can reread them later and laugh lmao but then a bunch of you guys kept up with it and it genuinely became such an exciting thing to look forward to after reading as well!!

Special shout out to @silvia-moon and @maause who were there from the beginning!! I loved every comment of yours and had a blast reading them every time 🥰

Ahhhh IM GETTING SO EMOTIONAL LIKE THIS LONG WINDING JOURNEY HAS FINALLY COME TO AN END 😭 (borderline tearing up while writing this post) but alas! Every banquet must come to an end (haha see what I did there? Hahaha....😭😭😭)

And of course there are the extras! But those shall be read some other day! In the meantime, I'm so so excited to get to drawing all my fave scenes!! I can't wait to get to that!

Until then,

Farewell 😊

[kudzucataclysm]

answering this portion of the q from earlier-

There’s honestly plenty of potential ‘bad’ takes about SE and the story’s characters that anyone out there can make- maybe they make assumptions based off the trigger warnings or themes, maybe they see my little doodles and mini comics about just how fucked up these characters are and it’s not their cup of tea, etc etc. Weirdly enough tho, that’s something that i’m looking…forward to seeing? Like just the potential drama and arguments over certain things/plotlines/characters in this story sounds like it’d be juicy. I can see a future me holding a glass of wine laughing maniacally at the computer screen all giddy with excitement over it. or something idk-

BUT specific takes….here’s a rough list (ALL COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL):

“Lack of wholesome queer characters and plotlines” or something along those lines. Something to the tune of “i’m using fiction to escape reality so i don’t want any queer stories to be edgy and dark and violent, i want all the characters to be pure cinnamon rolls who’ve never done anything wrong EVER”, and just make assumptions about SE over the majority of the cast being queer AND horrible people. Like if SE isn’t your thing, that’s fine. But if someone were to say that its shit for including darker themes then I’d feel like they’d need to retake some highschool english classes or something

“This story puts queer people in a negative light” Shocking development at 1am EST…QUEER PEOPLE CAN BE EVIL AND DO HORRIBLE BAD THINGS!!! THE HORROR

“Why isn’t everyone’s identity and pronouns spelled out for me from the moment they’re introduced” cause immmm lazyyyyy and don’t really consider their identities as super ultra mega important in a way-

“WHY ARE THERE SLURS!!! WHY ARE SOME OF THE CHARACTERS RACIST!!!!!! THIS IS CONDONING-“ the world ended in the 1960s and everything got worse from there. the door is that way 👉🏼

“Everyone in this story is fucked up. Nobodies normal, all of these characters are just terrible, horrible people, how do i root for them” then i’ve accomplished SOMETHING that i’ve wanted to do FOREVER-

“Why is the protagonist such a crybaby”. He’s 14 and a little bit fucked up okay. and he IS a baby so THERE

“Why is the protagonist boring” Cuz i’m tired of the ‘uwu powerless softie turns out to be the son of fucking GOD all along’ trope in a way. Dez is important in his own way and this just makes the story more interesting when cosmic forces are pushing down on him and his bestie and he kinda has to go a little loco to deal with it

“Why is the protagonist chubby/fat, it just isn’t realistic for the setting and type of story” what if i killed you violently with a rock

“The Martians aren’t realistic and their biology/culture/behavior is confusing” yes it’s meant to be. They’re artificially created, their eyeballs function as ovaries, their blood is literal oil and they go off like nukes when they die. It’s meant to be kind of stupid and self indulgent and their origins are a mystery to themselves

“The Martians do incest? That means you SUPPORT incest!!!” No, absolutely not. The story doesn’t even make it in a positive light, it’s very much a product of their oddly misogynistic, mysterious culture, and isn’t touched upon too much in the story. Also they’re aliens and don’t follow the same biological rules as humans at ALL.

“Francis is terrible trans rep” SHE’S MEANT TO BE TERRIBLE

“Francis’s alcoholism is condoning underage drinking” Okay man

“Everything is way too convoluted and there’s just too much going on, who would want to read this” MEEEEEEEEE!!!! I WANNA READ THIS

“This story glorifies child abusers cuz of the existence of a character like Thursday and how he’s often portrayed-” Are you hearing yourself rn. stop and think. for a Moment ✋🏼🛑

“I can’t believe you’re trying to paint Friday/Hammond as a good person for-“ when. When did I say that. I’ve been explicitly saying that they’re both wrong this entire time-

“Having the man-eating Martians and Chimera be brown skinned is racist” shore thangggg buddy

that’s all i can think of off the top of my head rn…tbh i think the fake ones from before are a lot better than these ones LOL

[nightshadedawn]

What does it say about me that most of the characters I play as are guys?

I mean, okay, look, first ever D&D character I made? Erevan Mastacia. A high elf that ended up as apart of some guy's harem. One of the kids of a friend he made in the harem goes missing. This is practically his kid too so he runs away to go after her and find her.

D&D character I just made? Probably going to end up an NPC in a campaign because I can't for the life of me be a player I have to DM, but regardless. Beilamin "Bell" Oakheel. An acolyte of the Sun Warrior (goddess of knowledge, war, and motherhood, part of the pantheon on the campaign I've been running for years). Gets kicked out of his Sanctuary after being accused of heresy. This man, this beautiful man, looks like a fucking wizard with wizard robes and everything, but he is a barbarian. (16 INT, 13 STR) He can't talk to people for shit. (8 CHA) I love him so much rn.

But like, I play the Sims too, you know? To this day, my favorite family was this gay couple and their daughter. I made them divorce day 1 because I needed that drama for storyline purposes, and I continued to play with the trans dad Mihail. (The other dad had a crazy story without my help, he had children with 4 or 5 different women) Mihail went on to have kids with Santa. It was beautiul.

And like, I played this visual novel, Red Embrace: Hollywood. (I don't recommend it unless you are okay with not getting a happy ending, because they do not exist in this game.) Anyway, I got so feral over the character I made, Simon Whitethorne, that I made an entire lore and new world for him. He's trans, for starters, and was kicked out of his family for being so, leaving him destitute and struggling. Had two kids before he got turned, Estelle and Ashton, and almost died getting an illegal abortion because he couldn't afford a third. Got a vampire boyfriend (the one who turned him) but broke up because he wouldn't abandon his two young, human children and refused to turn them because of how young they were. Gets involved with Neoma, a recently turned vampire, and Blu, an ancient vampire who's taken on so many names, faces, and identities that they no longer remember who they were. Simon. Makes. Me. Feral. He's just so sweet and soft and human even after he gets turned. And he's also a bundle of anxiety. This is the character I make and play as in most other visual novels and interactive fiction.

I feel like this shit says something about me but I'm not... sure... what. (And I am legitimately confused because I've done the introspection. Some days I'd like to be more masculine, but I've also gotten very comfortable being feminine or not ahearing to either. I have no idea what's going on.)

[companionwolf]

posting this here bc. it feels correct. and not too vulnerable or revealing. under cut though bc it's long as hell. it's my responses to the two module 1 topic 1 writing exercises for finding solid ground. which. module 1 is abt uh. grounding? topic 1 introduces it.

finding solid ground workbook module 1 topic 1 'grounding' written exercise answers --

exercise 1

it's 2024. uh december 1st. 2:02pm.

i am. the body? whatever. the answer is 25. i'm sitting on my bed in our childhood bedroom of the house on [location details redacted].

sight:

uh. the walls of the room are a blue purple lilac sort of color. slightly textured when i touch them. the floor is a light beige wood sort of thing. smooth. shiny. lots of stuffed animals on the end of the bed. there's a. uh desk in the far corner. it's brown and wooden. a laptop is on it. black. on that is a fake briefcase. that's my triangle agency boxed set. it's made of cardboard i think. it's smooth and well made. there's tubs of stuff. a metal shelf with the aibos and more stuff. my bedside table with the lamp and a bunch of shit. etc. our room is messy. the bookshelf is white with wolf's altar on top. then it's ttrpgs and other books. it's wooden. there's also the. brown bookshelf? it has random stuff on it and it's wooden. it's between the desk and white bookshelf. is this enough writing...?

sounds:

the fan is. making a weird shaking noise. not loud but notable and high pitched. i can hear the distant sound of the football game announcers in the living room downstairs; that's not very loud. there's something humming. electricity, high pitched. it's very quiet. i can hear myself typing on the phone screen. very muffled and soft. uh. that's it.

textures:

the wall is slightly textured. bumpy. kind of cold. bedsheets are not quite smooth but they're not uncomfortable. they're room temperature. the big wolf plushie is smooth and soft. a little warm from me leaning on it. the weighted blanket is very soft and smooth. not cold or warm though.

smells:

i don't smell anything.

post writing exercise 1 feeling:

uh. i feel more connected ig. more here. i think. i wish id written down how i felt at the start. it doesn't. it feels almost worse in a way. idk.

exercise 2

a) what makes me not want to ground?

uh. it can feel bad. to be connected. too much. it feels weird and. a lot. like rn ig. i don't like it.

b) anything you fear about grounding/connecting to the present?

ig im worried i can't handle it. always a bit dissociative i think. being here is. do people really always feel here? or in their bodies? that seems so strange. ig im also worried it'll. like. hurt me? to be grounded and connected. in a. overwhelmed way. so kind of what i said before.

getting a headache as i write this, fuck...

c) what do you abt dissociating etc?

it's easy. no effort. it. helps? i don't have to be so. it's less intense. it feels almost. not good but it's familiar.

d) what is scary or disliked abt dissociating?

not being sure who i am. the emotional blunted thing. i think it causes me distress? i get. idk. it's hard to describe. being numb is not fun though.

e) reasons to me it's important to be grounded

keeps you safer. helps you make better decisions. helps you know shit is now. not then. helps you heal and learn it's okay to be here.

pros of grounding:

- keeps you safer

- helps you make better decisions

- helps differentiate between past and present

- help you heal and learn it's okay to be here

- less distress?

- less identity confusion

- less numbness and blunted emotions

cons of grounding / pros of dissociating

- it's so fucking easy to be out of it

- it's less intense then being present is

- feels familiar

[triforce4-but-hornier]

I know this is a horny blog but I need somewhere to vent that isn't my mainI have alot going through my head rn.

About who I am and my identity, and the possibility of being plural and/or therian/non human.

I dont want to think about all that rn cause it's just too much :(

I thought i had myself figured out but idk

I've had these thoughts for months now at this point and I'm just scared. I'm scared of change

What if a headmate fronts or something, and i never come back out. What if I'm just gone? What happens?

I dont want that to happen

I just want to be me

The person in control right now. That's who I want to be.

I don't like the idea of someone else in my head. That's scary :(

And, about being therian. I don't want to think more on it cause I'm afraid I'll get more dysphoria.

That's what happened when I finally accepted that I was trans. The dysphoria got so much worse. Cause I'm not able to transition irl. At least not yet.

But it's been like, a decade at least. When will I be able to be myself?

Idk, I don't like thinking about all of this

There's been so much shit happening in my life the last 3 months

Im fucking exhausted. I don't want this on top of all that.

I just wanna put it off until I can actually live as myself. or at least who I think i am?

Idk

Im still rachel

Im still a girl

But sometimes I'm something else

But that doesn't mean I'm plural or therian.

Like, I have mutuals who go by different names and pronouns depending on their mood. Maybe that would work for me. I just don't know how I'd figure out those names or pronouns and stuff.

I have an idea of like, another me i guess. That only goes by it/its

Idk

Its all so confusing

I just want to kiss girls and cuddle and have sex

I dont wanna think about all this.

I should try to sleep i think

Nini

[the-dalseum-duet]

dude just hand me the autism diagnosis at this point

most people watch tv or something when they’re tired and need to sleep but can’t. not me though. bitch I do thematic analyses 

every once in a while I’ll remember Undertale exists and how utterly unwell I am about the dreemurrs, specifically asirel I am incredibly unwell about him. like. that family is the backbone of the story and they do not get the hype they deserve imo. fuck all y’all sans au bitches where is my love for meta storylines of grief and forgiveness and childhood. I mean. sans kinda does this but in a much more complicated and less pertinent way. the dreemurrs are perfect I will accept no criticism of them

god. the omega flowey fight actually rearranged every cell in my body i would not be myself if it weren’t for that damn goat boy I’m sorry sans fans but you will never be him. the goat. literally and metaphorically. they call it the goat bc of asriel dreemurr 

hey. isn’t there another family comprised of two siblings who persist to love each other regardless of their faults and wrongdoings? and an unstable mother (gender neutral) fighting not only the outside world but themselves tooth and claw for the protection of their child? and a father willing to sacrifice (his) children for the “greater good” of his kingdom because it is so deeply rooted in his belief system? 

ladies and gentlemen please welcome the sangs to the stage. 

at first I was just like “this is just a me issue bc every family dynamic I have ever written has been like this” but it really is not. at all. this one just Happens to be the one I am the most unwell about

and a lot of this will not be canon bc everything kinda ends after Noeul dies and Sara becomes Marie’s advisor. which. AUGGGHHH WHY IS ALL THE BADASS THEMATIC SHIT POST CANON I actually hate the current setup rn bc I have to write all the boring scenes and none of the cool ones bc they’re just. Implied to have happened. Which doesn’t really work idk why my brain works backwards like that. 

what was i even talking abt. man

thematic parallels. sangs. dreemurrs. 

okay let s start with Marie. bc. I love her I LOVE HER SO MUCH. 

i am inclined to compare her to asriel due to her gentle disposition slowly becoming unglued. like when you picture asriel you picture soft goat boy. but for 99% of the entire game he is either Flowey in some form or the god of hyperdeath. so. he very evidently is not soft goat boy. y’all are just picking and choosing atp he is SO MESSY and I LOVE HIM FOR THAT. He’s a child. He’s confused. He was roped into some grand scene with Chara (note the use of “with” instead of “because of” we Do Not Blame Chara in this house) and was MURDERED. IN ONE OF HIS MOST VULNERABLE MOMENTS. BY THE VERY HUMANS CHARA WARNED HIM OF no one talk to me ugh

And not to mention how this ties into how you defeat omega flowey. With the genuine love and compassion of humanity. The love and compassion of humanity. The souls of human children being called upon to help another. THE SOULS OF HUMAN CHILDREN. THE SAME TYPE OF SOULS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS DEATH AND BY PROXY THE DEATH OF HIS SISTER. i have. many complex feelings abt this that i cannot express. something about his generalization of the evil of humanity contrasted with the power of its love literally being so powerful that IT KILLS THE FORM FUELED BY HIS HATRED OF THEM. i like the themes of undertale i like them a lot. god i am so fucking normal about this entire game

so. uh yeah Marie. she. she’s here too

like i know i change things so often and I literally do not keep track of things so just. hang on for me alright bc the Marie lore is a little difficult to follow compared to others probably because I never write for her bc her themes are built very subtly and also secondhand 

Marie is a princess. That is all she is. It is so important that she is fairly flat leading up to the events of Blackbirds. Her identity is rooted in the performance of the royal family to Dalseum. Marie is a little girl who wears shiny jewelry and ruffly clothes and finds joy in the mundane aspects of Dalseum (read: the cocktail quarters). The most interesting aspect of her character is the subversion of her liking rock music, which even then is a trait passed down from her father. She is the Sangs’ golden child. She is the poster for everything they want her to be— walking propaganda, but just offbeat enough to be human. To her, Dalseum has no faults. She has nothing but pride in her kingdom and what she is set to become.

She is a child. She knows no better. She is enjoying her life. She doesn’t know she is a weapon. 

None of that related to Asriel though. Just some setup for what does. 

She believes that no one could possibly hold any disdain for the royal family and how Dalseum is run. Sure, there are minor discrepancies here and there, but that’s life. Everything always works out in the end. She and Asriel are both initially optimistic.

Enter Crow and Chara. They both come from similar situations. Chara escaped the human world into the underground to avoid the ridicule she was facing, and she harbors a hatred for humankind. Crow regularly wanders from the palace further into Dalseum, and he has been trusted with much more controversial details than Marie has been trusted with. He begins to harbor a distaste towards the nobility of Dalseum for allowing the Wasteland to fall into ruins and encouraging the vapidness of the Lovesong district.

Both Crow and Chara want to indoctrinate their respective sibling into believing the same way. For Asriel, this works to some extent because there’s no downside to him believing this. Marie is much harder to convince considering she’s had patriotism shoved down her throat since she was a child. She was already a coverup for Crow. Sonnet and Noeul couldn’t afford her not to be perfect, and Marie knows this. She just doesn’t understand why. 

But Chara is an extremist. Her plan to combine their souls is insanely risky. But Asriel loves her regardless. That’s his sister, so surely he can trust her. 

Bad move on his behalf. They both die when Asriel returns Chara’s body to the surface, and he has to live with that guilt as Flowey. Which is a topic even I’m a little lost on. Idk how that memory transfer works. But I choose to believe he feels that guilt still for the sake of my argument 

Similarly, Marie has to live with her own guilt. But in the opposite direction. 

Crow’s reasoning just sounds insane to her because she’s never witnessed it, so it must never happen. Because that is how politics work. It never happened if the people in charge never saw it. She disregards his comments and is unsupportive of his want for change. Because things are perfect as they are, and if Crow starts messing with things then it surely won’t end well.

So Crow leaves as a “form of protest” (read: sneaking charlie out of the palace but framing his choice as his own) anyway. Very pissed off, but he does it without his sister and #1 supporter anyway. And it’s a massive deal obviously. Word gets out about him living in the Wasteland and she feels miserable. She should have prevented this. She should have convinced Crow to stay. 

But Crow’s need for justice is the human spirit here. He is the beating heart of the Dalseum Duet, alongside Charlie’s drive to return home. The two intertwine, a bit more heavily on Crow’s end. 

tl;dr so far all these kids are so messy and have no clue how the world actually works

As Sonnet and Noeul begin to form a plan to snuff out Crow’s little protest movement, Marie realizes just how inhuman she has been made to be. They barely consult with his own sister. When they do, they make snide comments about him. Crow is still her brother. Crow is still her best friend. Something something your best friend Asriel dreemurr 

Once she is actually invited to a Court meeting, this is her breaking point. She knows Crow’s true intentions better than anyone else on the Court, and she knows what they say about him being reckless and shallow and attention-seeking are untrue. He may be behaving that way, but Marie knows Crow well enough to know when there’s a reason behind his actions. So she defends him at a Court meeting. 

Noeul does not like this. He confines Marie to the Palace for the time being because “it’s getting too dangerous for her to be in the public eye” so she draws an outline of a bird on one of her windows in red. This becomes a symbol of Crow’s movement. 

Noeul is PISSSSED so confines her to a tower without windows. Sonnet gets even more pissed and I’m getting off topic 

All this was to say that the Sang siblings will always find ways to communicate with one another, specially over broadcasted reports on one another. The Dreemurs, likewise, find ways to reconnect. 

Asriel recognizes Chara in the player during the Asriel Dreemurr fight. He calls out to her and their past memories. He, too, is willing to take drastic measures for the reminder of her support and love. For the reminder that it does exist. Marie does the same, and Crow reciprocates by storming the Palace after the coronation to take refuge under her rule. 

and. idk. there’s probably something else abt the coronation that’s relevant. Noeul’s ass gets sans fighted right down the middle of his chest L. yeah take that bitch with a blue winter motif

i’m. so tired. I hope this made any sense at all. it makes a lot more sense than just this. there IS More. just not rn

[crazyalien87]

Fuuuck i hate everything sometimes

I have stuff to do e.g. drink wtaer but im stucking staringbat this website til i post what i wanna post.

Anyway here it is

Idk if im fucking trans or not bc i kinda want ti transition but i dont need to and i wont bc im a fucking coward. Also in 2020-2023 time frame there was other shit goin on basically i hated mysekf and therefore my face and voice and name but convinced myself it was gender dysphoria instead but it wasnt.

Also i uses to have fucking dysphoria of no dick but only after i started wesring fake dick?!?!? after i got straight bf i stopped wearing it and decided i was not trans. But something is off?? But like i still wanna call myself a woman bc that is my experience u know i am female. i havent transitioned or come out publicly or anything ok evetyone knows im a woman. but i cant call myself a fucking cis woman. idk man i just wanna be a buff woman with facial hair and a dick or better yet i wanna be a shapeshifter so if i date het guy or lesbian i will not have dick but if im with a bi person maybe i can have a dick. it is weird bc like i mainly want a dick for fucking women not for gender reasons. Before tho i felt i needed it to be seen as cool or something (sexism). (despite not wanting others to know about it, i just wanted like big dick energy but just dick energy).

So now idk. Bc Im a woman and im fine with most aspects of it. But there still be 2 male things i want: facial hair and a dick. But women can have facial hair. I just want it for style purposes. Not even for gender (?). Also the dick it is for sex so really i should just get a strapon. So like ???. I cant be like a year ago or something when i say my gender identiy is mix of male and female when i just wanna be female but with masculine style and (having) sex? Right??? Idkk bruhhh. Im just a woman who wants facial hair and a strrapon. So im cis? But why it doesnt feel right?! I mean i even have facial hair but barely any so i want more. Like if i used minoxidil to get more is that a transition? Am i an admasculine cis woman?!😭bruh.

Why cant i just be female/woman (sex) and then my gender identiy is like genderqueer woman or some shit. Bc i have fem and masc interests and traits and etc. Idk dude. But then i feel im bending to patriarchy if i have to give myself a separate kinda woman identity bc i want a mustache and i wear jeans. Like damn. But facial hair is male, right? it makes no fucking sense like why does testosterine even affect hair like why does beards and baldness help ur sperm or ur caveman hunting or some shit😭. Why cant we all just be mammals with hair and style it how we want?😭 Why is beard connected to balls😭Evolution is fucking stupid sometimes because damn😭

Idk feel like genderqueer woman is best maybe and just not state if im cis?!?!?! wtf idk man maybe i am cis. But then i cant relate to other women as much as i think i should sometiems and i get confused again😭I had a while friend grouo of sevral men from my computer science classes in uni is that not normal😭(sorry im just ranting rn this is so random)

Like genderqueer doesnt just mean nonbinary it can also mean gnc but like is me wanting to eff a woman with a dicklike strapon queer? straight in a gay way or gay in a straight way? But really i wanna be shapeshifter and only have dick when i have sexy gf who would like it and only when we gonna fuck so it is not gender thing but like??😭 Can a cis woman want that?! But i dont have woman gender identity tho, i dont have brain that needd to be female i just am. Like if i was born male would i still wanna be female??? Maybe?? But i wouldnt remove my dick and I'd be a trans woman with no bottom dysphoria but then ppl would say im not a real trans woman if i like my beard and dick so i would be nonbinary...Idk wtf is happening here😭. Unless i do want a dick all the time not in shapeshifter way but i know i dont need it and i dont want to ruin my chances of a relationship with a gynesexual person like how i almost ruined my relationship with my ex bf But if i want a dick in general (not just for sex) but I dont need it then im not trans right? But if i had it i wouldnt remove it so like...I wouldnt be a 100% binary trans woman if i was born male so i cant be a 100% binary cis woman?!😭

It sucks bc like some ppl say trans is only if u need to transition but some say want is enough. Some say it is only if u transition or not. I'd never get s fake dick surgery if I don't need it...But I would totally use minoxidil to grow facial hair if it werent for: 1. it is toxic to cats 2. What if ppl hate me for it (like those who affect me like family, friends, coworkers, or boss...) 3. What if it is hard to shave or there are pimples in the way or something (much lesser issue than the others but I might as well mention it). But purposefully giving myself more facial is not trans bc some women can grow full beard naturallly...right?! Is my gender 98% woman, 1% beard, and 1% dick?!?!?! or maybe 100% woman but also 1% mustache and 1% dick

But this is all assuming i should define my identity on what i want but that changes😭 ~3 years ago i wanted a somewhat maler face and voice like androgynohs at least but now i dont even care. But i was so sure of it when my mom asked me about it😭ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What if one day i grow a mustache but then realize i dont like it and shave it off??!?!?! That is normal for men and i wish i had that goddamn😡😭

Maybe im just a woman with hella masculine and feminine energy. Androgynous personality and vibes. What the hell am I on about?😭.

tl,dr: Im female and I like it but I want a mustache and a dick but I don't need those things so idm if it makes me not cis or not😭. Fuck why cant i just be a woman who wants some stuff?