#my household included as in my entire family are all religious

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV Musings - LDPDL & Nosferatu 2024

We all know & love AMC!IWTV's canon that the Unholy Family saw Nosferatu in 1922, and busted a gut rotflol over Hollywood's vampire.

But if Louis saw Nosferatu 2024, in the wake of Lestat in NOLA, and esp. Armand in Paris/SanFran/Dubai & Claudia's death, I reckon he'd be triggered on several levels. Ofc, one doesn't need to see Nos24 thru Louis' eyes/POV to recognize all the themes about the predatory nature of vampiric seduction, let alone the devastating ways vampires affect/abuse/take advantage/wreak havoc on human vulnerabilities like religious mania depression, mental illness, and suicidal ideation. But let's go for it!

The Closeted (Isolation, Repression, & Mental Illness)

In IWTV, Louis was a closeted gay man who had to grow up always hiding who he really was, for fear of punishment by his uber-Catholic family as well as society at large. Homosexuality was not only considered a mental illness, subject to extreme forms "treatment" including solitary confinement in a sanatorium (mental asylum--the same place his mentally ill brother Paul had already been sent that made him "worse than before"); but also a crime punishable by incarceration or even death.

I've long said that "Rashid"/Armand's treatment of Louis esp. in Dubai was more like a nurse than a servant--the kind of nurse that hates their job (being "stuck on suicide watch") & whose bedside manner effing SUCKS, having no patience for the mentally ill & no capacity to properly take care of them; just making things worse.

In Nosferatu, Ellen was always "touched" as a child, having the 2nd sight that allowed her to always know ahead of time what her Xmas gifts were, and know the date her mom would die. Her mean father thought she was a freak and had her closeted away & isolated from society, the family embarrassment. Even after she got married, Thomas' BFF Friedrich barely tolerated Ellen, and when her seizures started he had her tied & doped & corseted up--all the worst ways of caring for her that likely did more harm than good. Ellen even called him out on it, knowing Friedrich tied her up cuz he hated having to deal with her in the first place "I tire of discussing her; can we please talk about something else; the entire household centers around her fairy whims!," and got sick of her being in his house anymore.

Book & Hearth's video analysis of Ellen's mental illness in Nosferatu says this:

So, Louis/Ellen are both people stigmatized by Victorian society for things that were never their fault (homosexuality, mental illness, etc), either socially closeted/isolated (Louis) or spatially closeted/isolated (Ellen).

(Lestat kept whining in 1x3 & 2x7 about how the worst thing a vampire can feel is loneliness--as if that's not awful for humans to feel, too. 🙄 Esp. since vamps are immortal, they've got all the time in the world for someone to eventually show up & fall in love with them; unlike humans, who grow old & decrepit & die in no time flat.)

We see the extreme lengths Louis & Ellen would go to, to alleviate their loneliness & desperation for companionship, and their desire to feel seen & close to someone--even if that someone was the Devil himself: a vampire.

"Come to me" - Loustat & Orllen

Both IWTV & Nosferatu use Come to Me. It's a motif as old as Dracula itself, so it's par for the course, really.

"Come to me, Arthur. Leave these others and come to me. My arms are hungry for you. Come, and we can rest together. Come, my husband, come!" --Lucy Westenra, Dracula

But both shows play around with it in interesting ways.

In IWTV, Lestat repeatedly chants C2M/Viens a moi to lure Louis to him. In 1x1 Louis actually runs away, fleeing to the church & prayed to God to help/kill him; only for the Devil/Lestat to show up & "give you death" by making him a vampire. But in 1x6, Lestat uses the song "Come to Me" to "get a rise out of" Louis, who swims the Mississippi to take his estranged husband back. But during the Trial, Lestat lied on Lou and accused him of saying C2M to "accost" Les instead--the human seducing the vampire. Meanwhile, Lou still has Les's master recording of C2M in 2022, which he plays for Daniel in Dubai--again proving that Les was lying on Lou & weaponized C2M against him.

Nosferatu24 plays the human-calling/seducing-the-vampire straight, where Ellen literally summoned Orlock. Lonely, she'd prayed to God for a companion, "a spirit of comfort," but accidentally roused the Nosferatu from his sleep as she kept repeating "Come to me."

Ellen accidentally called Orlock, and Lestat hunted Louis down--but both characters are still guilt-ridden by their open-armed acceptance of their vampire lovers, once they eventually realize that the person they thought would be their comfort/safety had only taken advantage of their loneliness, desperation & ignorance about their situation and the type of creature these vamps really were.

Louis' relationship with Armand doesn't 1:1 fit, since they never use C2M per se, but Armand DOES approach Louis similarly to Les, as the charismatic vampire who stalked Lou before finally confronting him, luring him & Claudia into the Theatre to recruit/convert them to his crazy AF coven/cult; and then using a series of lies, manipulations & brainwashes to take advantage of Louis' trauma post-Banishment to keep Lou as his (un)willing companion for 77yrs after killing his daughters.

The Death of 2 Daughters

Orlock's murder of Friedrich's 2 daughters is a chilling scene. The Nosferatu puts a spell on Friedrich while he's sleeping, his hand casting a spectral shadow over Friedrich's face to keep him pinned in his bed and trapped in his nightmares. Meanwhile, his 2 daughters & wife are screaming for him to help them, but Friedrich can't move or wake up, impotently clutching the gun in his hand as his wife & kids are slaughtered bu Orlock, just down the hall from him.

Orlock has both the little girls in his clutches, and throws them down like sacks of potatoes once he's done draining them, as their mother Anna helplessly watches, screaming, before he kills her, too.

This is painfully similar to how Armand instructed the coven to fog the minds of Claudia, Madz & Louis whenever they tried defending themselves, on top of their ankles being slashed so they couldn't move, escape, or fight back--esp. not once Lou was dragged away kicking & screaming to be buried alive, ensuring that he'd be helpless to do anything to save his 2 daughters from being murdered. The last thing he ever heard Claudia say was her screaming his name.

(Since this is 2024, Louis wouldn't yet be privy to the details Lestat reveals in S3 (2026). But if Lestat's also watching Nos24, he knows even more about Claudia's final moments than Lou does--that feeling of helplessness is only amplified by the fact that she's HIS literal Blood Child--he'd've felt her die the same way Louis felt Madz die. Drained after using his Mind Gift to save Louis with Banishment, Lestat's too weak to save Claudia as she burns. The last thing Claudia ever saw was her father just standing there, uselessly watching Armand & the coven burn her to death.)

Sexual Inhibitions, Awakenings, Stigmas, Salvation

Louis is often mocked/derided in the fandom as a d**kmatized Pick Me who only thinks with his loins to stay with toxic AF Lestat's "considerable considerables;" after years of closeted sexual repression.

"Do you remember the best you ever had? So imagine that flowing inside your veins again. Now multiply it by miles, to the rings of Saturn and back...." "He had a way about him, those first years, Lestat. Preternaturally charming, occasionally thoughtful. He was my murderer, my mentor, my lover, and my maker--all of those things at once. He had taken what he called un petit coup, the Little Drink. Not enough to kill me, but just enough to keep him fit. It takes an enormous amount of restraint for us, the Little Drink. For a human, experiencing it for the first time, it was…unsettling. And not for the physical toll on my body, which was significant, but for the feelings of intimacy it awoke within me."

Lestat's seduction of Louis was a sexual revelation/awakening, but it also spooked TF outta Louis. He fled Lestat's house in a gay panic, "vowing never to return." I also discussed how Lestat's C2M in 1x1 was dubcon/noncon, and mirrored Lestat in Paul's head, making both him AND Louis feel unclean.

She sank on her knees on the floor in an agony of abasement. Pulling her beautiful hair over her face, as the leper of old his mantle, she wailed out. “Unclean! Unclean! Even the Almighty shuns my polluted flesh! I must bear this mark of shame upon my forehead until the Judgement Day.” -- Mina Harker, Dracula

(Lou was bored to dangit death with Armand in SanFran (the gay mecca where he'd been enjoying his 2nd wind/try at a gay sexual awakening), mocking Armand for having been forced into ascetic celibacy by the Children of Satan, who made him forget he had a working peen (Lou was obvs mad that Armand wasn't using said peen with Lou--the Bed Death Truthers were right all along, LOL).)

Meanwhile, Ellen was outright called a "sinner" by her father when he found her lying naked after a (Orlock-induced) fit/orgasm.

Orlock stayed with Ellen for years, an incubus visiting her in her dreams & having sex with her (the best she'd ever had, as she later throws in Thomas' face, "you could never please me like he could"); but also throwing her into fits/seizures--"at first it was sweet...and then it turned to torture!"

In the end, LDPDL & Ellen use their sexual prowess to distract their vampire husbands long enough for their Murder Plots to be accomplished--a la Mina Harker in Dracula.

Louis is literally instructed by Claudia to seduce Lestat, keeping him distracted with sex while Claudia plans how to poison & kill him. Louis is afraid to fall back into the "well with no bottom" and "lose myself in him," and Claudia promises to be his salvation--pulling him out in time to strike the killing blow to Lestat.

Ellen is another femme fatale who welcomes Orlock into their marriage bed, where she forcefully holds him close as he notices the sun rising; keeping him distracted with sex long enough for the sunlight to cook him to death as she hemorrhages under him. Her suicide is her salvation/martyrdom, as she frees herself (and the whole town) from Orlock's clutches.

(Again, Armand doesn't have as neat of a 1:1 fit, since Louis doesn't distract him with sex to defeat him. But Louis still plays up his seemingly helpless submission to get Armand to allow the interview to continue, as if Daniel isn't threat, and as if Louis doesn't suspect Armand of foul play--at least not until the end of 2x5 ofc. But Armand constantly wrests control back, and by the end of the interview in 2x8 he ALMOST wins. Louis doesn't defeat Armand or save himself at all here--DANIEL defeats Armand & saves Louis instead, showing the leagues of difference between the threat Armand posed vs Lestat. )

[uncannyalien]

hey, I saw ur an ex-christian. do you mind sharing a little bit about that? (or a lot, whichever). I'm not too sure about the whole thing myself and id like some other opinions

Yeah no problem!

I was raised in a conservative Christian human household. I used to be *very* religious but as I got older I realized that a lot of things didn't add up. Not just in the difference between teachings and actions, but in the teachings themselves.

Eventually I had to go through something called Confirmation where for 2 years I had to attend a "class" about the Christian bible and then take an oral test in front of the congregation in order to be accepted. I hated it. I had already been thinking about how what I was taught didn't seem right and then this just affirmed it. It's also when I discovered a new band and really grew closer with a family member who went through the same thing.

Like at face value the majority of Christian values, *actual* Christian values are pretty chill: love each other, take care of others, and general guides to not be an asshole. Just don't forget that the Christian "God" is the same as the one from Judaism and Islam, but I'm not knowledgeable enough to talk about that.

I decided that Christianity and the religion thing as a whole just didn't make any sense to me. I havent told my human folks bc frankly I'm scared of them, but I'm firmly an ex-Christian.

Nowadays, I'd say I'd classify myself as agnostic, but the closest thing to a "deity" I follow is actually the Sun. I don't pray to it or anything, it's a star it can't do anything and isn't sentient. But scientifically it's quite godlike. Its the perfect distance from this planet where life could form, creating the entire ecosystem as we know it, including us. It literally makes you feel better to be in the sun, the light can be used as a power source, etc.

I think for me it's just an appreciation for nature and the statistical anomaly we all are. Which, given how massive and complex the universe is, I can totally understand people needing to have a higher power to have orchestrated it all.

People have their faiths and that's totally cool with me. But your actions are your own, regardless of your faith, and performing terrible actions in the name of your faith is *not* what faith should be about.

Damn that went a lot longer than I thought it would XD

Its all a journey, frankly. The important thing is doing the right thing and figuring this all out for yourself. Just be safe, wherever you are

[webanglikethat]

My 2024 Creative Top 10

I was tagged by the lovely (and so talented!!!) @malbontesmrs and the idea behind this is to just show which pieces of art (be it drawings, writing or anything else!) we are most proud of !! now, as everyone knows, I struggle ranking stuff so this is all going to be in no particular order 😭

The dialect of the moon’s love for the sun — a dnf web weave

no thoughts just them

2. On the journey of platonic heartbreak — a web weave

this is my longest web weave (and I had a lot of issues even uploading it cause I had more than 40 sources) and it was really healing. this year was the first I spent without my former best friend and the whole no-contact thing drove me a liiiittle insane (tho, good riddance tbh) and earlier this year my other former best friend betrayed me in a way I didn’t expect. ANYWAY TRAUMA DUMP OVER! making this truly just healed something in me. at the very end I have the five stages of grief, showcased by different pieces of media. if you squint close enough, you can just say this is a my little pony web weave veiled as something else kkkk. overall, I’m truly proud of this.

3. On religious guilt, Nova — a web weave

this was made after I finished playing WTC (a romance club story for my non rc moots) and I related just a liiiittle too much to nova’s struggles!

4. On Lucifer and Vicky — a web weave

this one is hella biased because I love them and miss them a lot okay 😞

5. On C!Tommy and healing — a web weave

cried so much making this, c!tommy getting his happy ending means the WORLD to me. seeing an abused and traumatized character whom I have related to so deeply for YEARS finally getting his soft, peaceful and quiet ending just .. yeah it just undid me

6. On Jaynie and Carter — a web weave

oldest sister of an immigrant household struggling with family members having an addiction and also having imposter syndrome and also growing up poor? Langley when I catch you — (I had to stop reading 7b a lot at the beginning cause I kept crying)

7. Luke castellan edit!

look at my profile. I’m literally THE Luke castellan lawyer of course I was gonna make something for him and as soon as I learned how to make wallpaper edits I knew he was going to be my test subject

8. Luke castellan — a web weave

so proud of this one but also very insane about this one — Luke castellan they don’t deserve you nor do they understand you and —

9. An aftermath of episode 8 — a devram fic

of course I couldn’t forget to include my first fic ever. I don’t even have words to describe how much this means to me. I’ve never written fanfiction before but devi and ram just CONSUME my thoughts EVERY HOUR 😭 so I had to somehow write it all down. while I do struggle with writing and I don’t think it’s that good, it’s my first gateway to a new world which allowed me to make new friends 💙

10. Exsanguination and rebirth.

okay wow, this is a really personal piece of writing and tbh idk if I should even add it. I might delete it later but yeah. started writing it when I was sobbing on the floor, clawing at my shirt cause I thought I was going to die from heartbreak and when I finished it, I was finally healing. it’s definitely Something. if anyone wants to read it, just listen to “So Long, London” and “Loml” by Taylor Swift. and shoutout to blondie for writing songs so ACCURATE that I couldn’t listen to them after this for a LOOOONG while

so yeah !! this is it 🫶🏽 didn’t realize how creative I was this year ngl 🗣️ I also have made a lot of wallpaper edits that I’m really proud of but haven’t posted. I’ve written more RC fics, I’ve written half fics that are just headcanon with a lot of dialogue, I’ve made moodboards and a ton of web weaves (you can find them all in either my bio (just click on the words) or my intro post) and I’ve made video edits and gifs !!

-> okay WOW this just made me feel better about myself hehe <33 still got a lot I need to get better at (working on a fic rn for a friend and it’s simply killing me) and I hope in 2025 my account is a museum of everything I have ever created. I hope I find the courage to share my writing more 🫶🏽

[ausetkmt]

What Did Christmas and New Year's Mean to the Enslaved?

Christmas Day was the immediate focus during my childhood, with New Year’s Day being the afterthought. The hopes and expectations of presents filled the months before Christmas. What toys would I receive? There was also the religious component, learning my part in the church play and participating in school concerts. New Year’s Day signaled the countdown for returning to school and that vacation would soon be over.

As an adult, New Year’s took on greater significance. Some years, I made resolutions reflecting the best intentions, though the will to follow through wasn’t a given. Gifts became more about giving than receiving. But both as an adult and child, it was primarily the Christmas season, with New Year’s coming in a distant second.

For the enslaved, Christmas and New Year’s also had special meaning. Christmas on some plantations did have some positives for the enslaved people. They might be allowed to sing, dance, and possibly mingle with relatives from other plantations. They might even receive small gifts from the master designed to instill loyalty and productivity.

Then again, the enslaved might be the gift. There are multiple documented cases of enslaved people given as gifts to family members or business partners on Christmas, including Louis Hughes, author of Thirty Years a Slave.

Despite revisionist historians suggesting how joyful Christmas was for the enslaved, many worked extra hard preparing the feast for the master and family. Some had the day off, but the work would always be made up elsewhere. It was always New Year’s Day that was at the forefront of the mind of the enslaved person. New Year’s was the day the owners settled their debts and taxes, often resulting in the sale of slaves and tearing apart families.

New Year’s had entirely different concerns for enslaved people in America. It might be the day their families were broken up for a year or forever, depending on their owners’ whims or financial concerns. In those days, the fiscal year began on January 1st, and all settlements were made at the end of the year. Farmers and plantation owners who were in debt often paid their bills by leasing or selling their enslaved people. Resistance was futile; whippings and slave jails were the response.

For those enslaved people fortunate enough to have families, what happened was obscene. If the husband was sold off or leased and the wife remained, she was still expected to fulfill her role as a breeder. Whoever the master designated would come around and take her as violently as needed. If her husband returned, he might find a child he didn’t conceive or an impregnated wife he hadn’t been with. His only option was to deal with it, just as she had.

Related: Florida Teaching Middle Schoolers That Slavery Benifited the Enslaved Is Wicked

The reasons the husband might not return were numerous. There was often danger in the work. Leased enslaved people often worked for the railroads or in mines, using dangerous explosives to dig out tunnels. Any who tried to escape, whether seeking freedom or returning to their family, were subject to beatings, returned to their new environment, and, of course, faced death, for which the perpetrator would receive no punishment.

The economy of several states depended on the forced breeding of enslaved people. Black women were mated with appropriate Black male “specimens” to produce bigger and stronger children who would fetch a higher price. They also might be raped by their masters or relatives and friends; their lighter-skinned children would also fetch a high price, whether they ended up as household servers or “fancies” in the girls’ case that would work in brothels.

The economics of slave breeding were set up in the Constitution. Slave states like South Carolina were able to negotiate a twenty-year extension of the international slave trade, with Charleston, South Carolina, being the main port. Little did they know that the day that agreement expired, Thomas Jefferson would end the international slave trade, causing southern plantations to rely entirely on domestically produced slaves. Virginia, Maryland, and other states had excess enslaved people due to the lower yield of tobacco caused by poor farming techniques. They made up for it by churning out as many enslaved people as possible by whatever means necessary to sell them down South, where they were needed to harvest sugar, rice, and cotton.

Related: Is Picking Cotton Really the Best Way To Teach Kids About Slavery?

Depending on the wealth of the plantation, Christmas might be somewhat of a celebration even for the enslaved. They might receive special food, small gifts they weren’t expected to reciprocate, perhaps even a few days off. But it was all a set-up. Come New Year’s Day, families might be broken up and whatever slight joy might have come from small gifts was offset by tears and the destruction of homes.

As 2024 approaches, there is still reason for anxiety, like the beginning of any new year. There will be a presidential election; war rages in areas of the Middle East with the potential for expansion as the Russia/Ukraine war continues. These types of concerns existed throughout America’s slave history, whether it be the War of 1812, the Civil War, the enactment of Fugitive Slave laws, or the general risk associated with enslavement. Knowing that you could be killed without cause and there would be no punishment due to prevailing attitudes and laws like the Casual Killing Act of 1669, is called qualified immunity today.

Still, as a parent and now a grandparent, I’ve never had to fear having my offspring sold away on New Year’s to settle another man’s debt. We’ll have to consider that progress.

[sab-teraa]

my entire family, including myself, kept clocking my aunty (rip) for talking crap about her daughter-in-law.

Turns out … she was right as hell 😭😭 and my fam, including my mum, experienced her rude behaviour firsthand (they stay at my aunts house for 16 days bc of religious custom).

And I thought my aunty was just being sexist wanting her daughter in law to do household stuff + the kid. Turns out, not only does she do not help at ALL with household stuff … she only goes into work once a week and spends the rest of the time at her mums place and doesn’t even help with anything related to their kid either 😭😭😭 while my uncle, works 9 hours a day, plus a 4 hour commute, has to come home and do everything???? I really thought my aunt was being traditional and talking shit 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Like???????? YALL NEED TO WORK TOGETHER PLS! Or hire help for longer periods!!! Twice a week is not enough! At least my aunty was there to take care of the kid… they neeeeeeed a au pair I fear

[siphonophoresupernumerary]

Very very very good points! I would say that the final point about trans men can very easily, and indeed necessarily, be extended to trans women and nonbinary people. Did they account for trans people at all? There is built in margin for error there with people in the closet or are not comfortable being out for survey purposes.

I grew up as a man in a christian family and I can see how potent the disdain conservatives, especially christians, have for college. It's a setting that christian ideals don't control that affords the students a lot of freedom and diversity. Diversity generally makes people lose faith in the variety of christianity they were raised in, skewing more progressive.

The increase of women in college can very well be seen as an increase of diversity, but because the paper doesn't explore race, doesn't clarify how or if trans people counted, and only barely touches on sexual orientation, we only GET to see her findings on gender.

Looking at it though I'm also inclined to agree that fewer men are going to college, or believe it when it is asserted. Apparently young college age men are more conservative as is evident from the last presidential election, which fits with my earlier point about christian's anti-college/diversity rhetoric. Though if that's true I might posit that certain political beliefs and religions are in flight, more than any given gender. This fits in with Davis' note about the prevalence of gay men in college, as gay men are less likely to be religious for homophobia reasons. Plus christian ideals are generally "men provide, women nurture" so christian women may well be flying too, but their numbers would be significantly smaller than christian men, and thereby it doesn't stick out when looking at gender alone.

I'm not 100% sure how substack works, but the article is on Matriarchal Blessing, a name which has certain Divine Feminine connotations. Looking up the author, Celeste Davis, I find that her substack is entirely about gender. Which leads me to believe that maybe the author cares mostly or only about gender. Explaining the lack of thurough research that explores each or any of the vectors uncle-fruity indicated. I'm inclined to say that Celeste Davis is biased. Additionally, even though I don't see overt christian themes in there, the presentation of and

Oh. She's an exmormon. I guess that explains the quasi-religious qualities to Matriarchal Blessing. Which include a "bless your wanting" ritual for paid subscription members. Mormons believe in a concept of the Divine Feminine; they believe in a Heavenly Mother, innate power in being a woman, and also the "1950s patriarchal dream" (Celeste Davis' words) which include strict gender roles. The value put into both roles are purportedly equal in policy, though by policy the vast majority of leaders are men. A lot of women find the role they are given restrictive and that looks like what drove Davis away from the mormon church.

Another note to flex my Mormon knowledge, Matriarchal Blessing is a twist on the Patriarchal Blessing. A Patriarch for a stake(geographical collection of church attendees) gives a member a blessing which is a mixture of a blessing, a pep talk, a testimony(or tiny church lesson), and a personal prophecy(fortune telling). The stake's Matriarch is his wife and her role is to record and transcribe the blessing.

Mormon gender roles are written in policy, as close to stone as you get in this modern age. The Family Proclamation says that marriage is between a man and a woman, that the only genders are man and woman, that everyone is supposed to get married (1 man, 1 woman. Explicitly no polygamy), and that men are supposed to provide and women are supposed to care for the household, and finally that sex is ok only within a marriage.

I got distracted and lost the thread I was following but yeah, I don't ascribe malicious intent to Celeste Davis or intentional bias, but I do think her bias is having an effect. For someone who blogged about leaving her religion, it's weird to me that she didn't point out any religious demographics in the article.

Actually. I'm shocked that tumblr passed around an article by an exmormon as Article Of The Day, though a piece of reactionary masculine-critical rhetoric doesn't surprise me in the slightest. There's so few sources in this article but who cares so long as it feels good to read. Which, honestly, I am guilty of too.

Why aren't we talking about the real reason male college enrollment is dropping? (Celeste Davis, Oct 6 2024)

"White flight is a term that describes how white people move out of neighborhoods when more people of color move in.

White flight is especially common when minority populations become the majority. That neighborhood then declines in value.

Male flight describes a similar phenomenon when large numbers of females enter a profession, group, hobby or industry—the men leave. That industry is then devalued.

Take veterinary school for example:

In 1969 almost all veterinary students were male at 89%.

By 1987, male enrollment was equal to female at 50%.

By 2009, male enrollment in veterinary schools had plummeted to 22.4%

A sociologist studying gender in veterinary schools, Dr. Anne Lincoln says that in an attempt to describe this drastic drop in male enrollment, many keep pointing to financial reasons like the debt-to-income ratio or the high cost of schooling.

But Lincoln’s research found that “men and women are equally affected by tuition and salaries.”

Her research shows that the reason fewer men are enrolling in veterinary school boils down to one factor: the number of women in the classroom.

For every 1% increase in the proportion of women in the student body, 1.7 fewer men applied.

One more woman applying was a greater deterrent than $1000 in extra tuition! (…)

Since males had dominated these professions for centuries, you would think they would leave slowly, hesitantly or maybe linger at 40%, 35%, 30%, but that’s not what happens.

Once the tipping point reaches majority female- the men flee. And boy do they flee!

It’s a slippery slope. When the number of women hits 60% the men who are there make a swift exit and other men stop joining.

Morty Schapiro, economist and former president of Northwestern University has noticed this trend when studying college enrollment numbers across universities:

“There’s a cliff you fall off once you become 60/40 female/male. It then becomes exponentially more difficult to recruit men.”

Now we’ve reached that 60% point of no return for colleges.

As we’ve seen with teachers, nurses and interior design, once an institution is majority female, the public perception of its value plummets.

Scanning through Reddit and Quora threads, many men seem to be in agreement - college is stupid and unnecessary.

A waste of time and money. You’re much better off going into the trades, a tech boot camp or becoming an entrepreneur. No need for college. (…)

When mostly men went to college? Prestigious. Aspirational. Important.

Now that mostly women go to college? Unnecessary. De-valued. A bad choice. (…)

School is now feminine. College is feminine. And rule #1 if you want to safely navigate this world as a man? Avoid the feminine.

But we don’t seem to want to talk about that."

[locustheologicus]

The Legacy of Ana Gonzalez

I have been on a cerebral kick lately contemplating ethics and social ministry but this weekend I felt like taking a break from that and going on a personal reflection. On March 14, 2014 my grandmother passed away. I grew up in a household where I was the only child but my grandmother Ana was with us the entire time so I grew up in a household of four. At the time she passed away I was learning about Latino/a theology so I took the time back then to reflect on her wisdom then in this other post. She passed away ten years ago and now that the year is almost over I find myself thinking about who she was and what she meant to me.

Of all the people in my family I was probably with her the most yet knew her the least. She never really talk much about her past, her family, her beliefs, hardly anything. I remember her being a very kind and loving person, while my parents where at work she was the one who took care of me and tended to me as a child. I recall taking long walks with her when I was very young in New Rochelle and then watching a few TV programs together after we moved to Endicott (three's company stand out as a show that she enjoyed watching with me in the early 1980's). I fondly remember how she would always wake me up with an herbal tea she would make almost every morning. Beyond these moments however there was little interaction between us.

As I became a teenager I felt that she was a staunch ally of my father (who I was struggled with at that age). My father attempted to limit many of my actions and freedoms because he percieved them as misdeeds. If I was not doing assignments that he gave me or schoolwork I must be doing some mischief. I felt betrayed by my grandmother at that age because I became aware that she would report any actions or freedoms to my father when he was not around. My ally became my own mother who defended me from my father, this set up a dysfunctioning household where the two men struggled to culturally define who we were and the mothers would back up their own son. This was the life that defined us until I left for college and eventually (when I realized that the household was dysfunctional in this way) I uprooted and left for Chicago to become a Franciscan volunteer and discern religious life. I would learn decades later that neither of my parents understood what I was doing and they both blamed each other for my departure. In the meantime my Grandmother would be found doing simple things like tending to her garde which she seemed to enjoy doing.

My grandmother was a simple and faith filled person. My initial post shares some of her religious wisdom. But she seemed to keep much to herself and the past always remaind hidden. She had a picture of my grandfather in her room next to the bible and cross she always kept but she never really talked about him. She would join us in whatever outings we had and would enjoy whatever activity she could but as I grew older I felt that there was a great amount of hidden depth that she choose not to reveal.

I wrote about my grandfather in a former post and much of that information I was able to get from the uncles and aunts I had from his first marriage. It seemed that my grandfather never loved my grandmother in the same way he loved his first wife and it also felt that the children of the first marriage never quite fully accepted my grandmother and the children she bore him which includes my Father, my aunt Victoria who lives in Boston and my aunt Cecilia who apperently did not like my grandmother and left for Venezuela at an early age, I never knew her but evidently she still lives.

The most I could get from my grandmother was that she worked in some bodega in Soacha Colombia, a bodega my grandfather would frequent. She came from a very poor family and I believe she was never literate or educated. From what I understand, my grandfather was open to marrying her in order to have someone take care of the younger children so for him this was a marriage of convenience. By the time she got to know him he had spiraled downward and the few stories I heard from her was that he was a stern man who enjoyed going to the bar but was livid if anyone bothered him. I do not get the sense of a loving relationship from her, what is curious is that it seems that her daughters felt closer to their father (my grandfather) than to her. My father would attest to my grandfather being a stern and strict man but he had some positive memories as well which again, my grandmother never shared.

And yet, she was always present. She may not have added her narrative to our family (which I think is a shame) but she was always present in the moment as we grew and celebrated together. As I may have mentioned before, my parents were immigrant anchors for members of their family and this included my aunt Victoria (see here with her future husband Jerry) and my grand uncle Luis who is seen here standing with me and my grandmother.

One revealing lesson I did receive from my grandmother was when my parents went through a phase of arguing and fighting. I was in elementary school and at that time it made me feel very sad and depressed. My grandmother revealed to me that when she was a little girl she suffered great anxieties when her family yelled and fought. She would then tell me that she copped with it by running outside the house until they stopped fighting, and then everything would be fine. I remember thinking that was odd and I never ended up taking her advice. I needed to process why people fought and what the issue was. I would eventually realize that the biggest issue my family had was that no one listened to each other. As I grew older and observed how they argued I realized that each person would argue from their own position alone and sometimes what my father was yelling about had nothing to do with what my mother’s issue. It felt like running around in circles was how they all copped with their feelings which did not strike me as very healthy.

The deeper I dug the more I felt felt conflicted with my grandmother’s identity. As a child I exerienced my grandmother as a loving and caring person but as a teen I realized her devotion to my father was based on how dependent she was to him. I thought this may have caused some of the unease she had with her other children. As for that devotion, I think it might have come from some deep insecurity. My grandmother did not seem to have the capacity for personal security so she may have latched on to whoever she felt would provide her with the security and stability she was not capable of attaining on her own. In many ways she lived a very comfortable life in my father's household. When I became a young adult I saw that my mother struggled to not have a one on one relationship with my father because my grandmother was always at his side (when he wasn't working or playing tennis). During this time we tried to get her to spend some time with my Aunt in Boston who was raising my cousin. My grandmother would cry and beg not to go and my father was also eager to have her brought back.

In some ways I feel that my grandmother was a lost soul. I am curious to know what it must have been for her before marrying my grandfather but once she was married I think she lived a dependant life, first with my grandfather and then with my father. From 2010 on it was apparent how co-dependant my father and her were, as my grandmother got feeble so to did my father who developed parkinsons/dementia. Both my mom and I knew that was my grandmother would pass away my father would not last. Sure enough, he died within a year of her passing.

I wish I knew more, I wish she was able to share the struggles that she went through. My grandmother was deeply religious but her spirituality was a passive one. For her any form of suffering or struggle was something you offer up to God and then kept as a secret that needed to be erased. Towards the end of her life she was tormented by two imaginary small children that seemed to tease her. She would complain about almost falling and when I asked about it she mentioned that these two mischievious children were teasing her and trying to trip her up. We had no idea what she was on about or what this meant. It was later suggested that she had more then the three children I knew. It appears that she had two other children who were either sickly or became sick. It is unclear what became of them. It sounds like these children may have died but it is also suggested that they were abandoned.

We live is such a different time and cultural context that it is shocking to think what terrible decisions people in poverty have to make. I personally believe that struggles cannot be thought of as a personal or family embarrassment that needs to be kept a secret. We need to learn and appreciate the struggles and difficulties of our lives in order to appreciate what others go through. It is because of this that I work to assist marginalized migrant communities who struggle to achieve their own security and stability in this world. I dedicate some of my work to her memory and to the memory of what she went through. My grandmother may have kept her secret with her, but I will make it a point to reconcile my grandmother’s struggles through the struggles of those I serve. May these familes and my grandmother find some kind of peace, either in this world or the next.

[tpe4ltr]

Looking for a M/s Long-term Relationship

1. You will be the head of our household. I will submit to your authority, and will have no rights except for those granted to me by you. Everything in your home, including me, is your rightful property. 2. You will have complete authority over every aspect of our lives. I will abide by any and all decisions made on my behalf. Disobedience will be punished severely. 3. When permitted to speak, I will address you as "Sir" at all times. If I'm being scolded, I will be required to speak in complete sentences and to both start and finish my response with "Sir." (i.e. "Sir, I understand, Sir.").

4. You will make all religious and political decisions for our family. I will be required to convert religions and/or political affiliations accordingly. 5. It is entirely your decision whether I should be allowed to hold a job and earn money. Any money earned by me will go directly into a bank account controlled exclusively by you. I won't have access to credit cards, debit cards, or bank accounts. I will not be allowed to touch or handle money without first receiving your permission. 6. If I am permitted to work outside of the home, I will be outfitted with a locking GPS monitor that will provide you the ability to monitor my whereabouts at all times. 7. I will not be allowed to leave the house without my husband's permission. It is likely that I will only be allowed to leave home with a chaperone. I will not be allowed to hold a set of house keys. 8. I will not be allowed to keep a cell phone unless it is configured to only send/receive calls from you. It will be your decision when/if I am allowed to speak with friends and family. This privilege is earned through good behavior and obedience. 9. I will not be allowed to access to the Internet, television, or radio. Instead, I will be expected to focus my efforts on taking care of your needs and looking after your home. 10. Every aspect of my diet, nutrition, and exercise will be decided for me. My husband will decide what sort of body he wants me to have. This includes the use of TRT, HGH, or other similar PEDs. 11. Every aspect of my daily routine will be subject to your approval. This may include a wakeup time, a schedule for daily chores, and a strictly enforced bedtime. Your house will be outfitted with security cameras, allowing you to monitor my behavior when you are not home. 12. You will make all decisions related to my appearance, including hairstyle, grooming, wardrobe, piercings and tattoos. 13. Any disobedience or disrespect on my part will be swiftly punished by whatever means you deem necessary to correct my behavior. It is your absolute right as head of the household to use violence and coercion to correct any willful or unacceptable behavior. 14. I will obey any specific protocols regarding eye contact (i.e. being forbidden to make eye contact with anyone other than my Husband). 15. There is only one Man in this relationship, and only your penis is to be used for sexual gratification. My penis will be locked in a chastity device at all times. Under no circumstances will I be allowed to achieve an orgasm. My only sexual organ is my "boy pussy", which must be made available to my Husband at all times. I am not allowed to deny you access to any part of my body at any time, for any reason. 16. If you are called away for any considerable period of time (deployed overseas, extended work trip, solo vacation), you are permitted to temporarily transfer your ownership of me to a temporary owner (or owners) for a prescribed period of time. The temporary owner(s) assumes all rights and privileges of ownership until you return. I am obligated to serve and obey anyone as ordered by my Husband. ... Message me if this sounds like something you'd be interested in. Especially eager to serve soldiers and men from the Middle East.

[xtrablak674]

Family Emergency

I heard this term mentioned on a podcast and I can say definitively that I have never been about that life. You need to have family to have an emergency. My mom has been dead for four decades, my father for three. I didn't even get a full decade with my mom before she died, and after I was estranged from my father we may have gotten roughly the same if I actually add up all the time I saw and spent time with him. Ten years of parenting does not a family make.

With my moms death her three children were scattered. I was sent off to my paternal grandparents in the Bronx, the two younger children went to Yonkers briefly before my mom's cousin couldn't deal with the youngest child's behavioral issues and had him removed from the home. All of this was the death knell to whatever family I had.

My grandparents covered the basics but were both emotionally aloof. Holidays were really an afterthought, we saw family but this paternal side of the family wasn't as familiar to me, my first cousins once removed were all a lot older than me, my father was their contemporary but I was his child, not one of their clan. I was the oldest child of the cousins but not old enough to be readily included. This was very different than my maternal first cousins, not at all removed but my contemporaries and younger, but they were left behind in my childhood city.

With my mom's death I went from being one of three kids, actually four if you include my much older brother. To basically a single-child in a household with two grandparents and one intellectually disabled uncle. Now my two great aunts were very present in my life primarily around my grandparents religious service and participation with their local place of worship. For a very long time I was very close to my middle great aunt her taking on the role of a maternal figure giving me the affection that her older sister didn't seem capable of or even interested in.

I grew up and left my grandparents house a bit abruptly being evicted while I was away at college. I have said this before but I always felt like a guest in my grandparents home, a large part due to the matriarch of the house, the patriarch largely deferring to her indomitable will.

I want you to understand there was no one with whom I had a clearly defined close relationship with, as to warrant being a point of contact in case of emergency. My grandparents had each other, their youngest son had them and more than likely they would call their siblings over me, if something came up. My siblings grew dependent on each other because they finished growing up within close proximity. I was more or less left on my own.

No one has been checking on me for my entire adult life. I have had friends in and out of my life who had some concern for my well-being, but that has been the outlier to the norm. It makes me think more and more about the planning of my estate and what exactly I am doing with the wealth I have accumulated. My first and intial instinct was to make allowance for the children, meaning the kids of my siblings. But more and more that is becoming less and less likely.

The older kids who now live on their own and in some cases have children of their own, whom I don't need the permission of their parents to interact with, have had very little contact with me. It seems silly for me to make provisions for children whom in my life gave little more than a damn for me. I think my wanting to was a residual expectation from my mom, who really did an amazing job of providing for her kids in the inevitability of her death.

But what I am realizing is these kids are not my kids, and I am being treated thus. Most of their feelings coloured by the adults in their life, not based on anything I have done or haven't done to them. For a few years I had tried my best to have contact with them, but the cost was too great. One set were adopted and the adoptive parents albeit mostly familial prevented me from further seeing the children. The second group of kids I stopped on my own because the unresolved anger, homophobia and hostile feelings from their parents was exhausting and was too steep a price to continue to have a relationship with their children at the cost of my own mental health and well-being.

The word family has become meaningless to me, and without the emotional connection to that word there can never been anything warranting the level of urgent, or an emergency for me. To an outsider not understanding the full context this may sound callous, but for me I have been an outsider to the word family for most of my adult life, I haven't really known another existence and even though my default is to continue to honor familial obligations, it seems that I am the only one operating on this premise, and frankly it no longer serves me. Fuck doing what is right, I need to do what is best for me, because at the end of the day I am the only one checking for me.

[Photo by Brown Estate]

[2q5b]

MIKEITZ

By Ezra

December 13th, 2023

There was no such thing as a gay religious Jew. Such a thing had never been imagined, much less heard of as actually existing. This is what I thought, anyway. It was the early or mid 2000s. The word “queer” was an insult. I was a teenager and I didn’t know how big and various the world really was. I didn’t even know I was gay, much less trans. I had never heard of trans people. I didn’t know I existed. I was not yet imaginable to myself.

I wanted to be an Orthodox Jew. I got into it via an older kid who I looked up to, who was passionate, full of fire. I wanted to go toward the fire. I wanted to really live, not just watch TV and go to the mall and do my homework. I wanted to devote myself to the ultimate. Orthodoxy was a far cry from the hippie-adjacent Reconstructionist Judaism of my parents and synagogue, or even from the Conservative Judaism of the private Jewish school I went to until I was thirteen. Attempting Orthodox observance was a transgression, a passionate non-conformist campaign I undertook, closely parallel to my obsession with punk rock.

The inconvenient facts of my sexuality and gender were very slowly coming into view, through the charged fog of adolescence. I thought I could carry it all, and keep the inconvenient parts hidden. I thought I wouldn’t get hurt.

Our parsha is about the life of Joseph after he is exiled from his family at age seventeen, after he wears something pretty and gets the shit beaten out of him. His brothers want to kill him, but they throw him into a pit and sell him into slavery instead. They get rid of him, is the point. In a way, they did kill him. His life as he knew it has been stripped from him, and no one knows where he is. He no longer exists. The word Joseph’s family use again and again for his non-existence is “einenu.” He is not.

 But Joseph is. He has survived his own extinction. His life in Egypt has the frenzied zigzag of the young and untethered. He is traumatized and vulnerable, but also vigorously himself. What is striking is how spiritually connected he remains in the wake of his banishment from his community. He mentions God almost every time he speaks. Multiple Egyptians recognize that “God is with him,” and people repeatedly entrust him with positions of enormous responsibility. “The spirit of God is in him,” says the king of Egypt. Everyone seems to fall in love with him. 

But when it comes down to it, all the charisma in the world won’t protect a member of the despised underclass, an immigrant, a slave. Joseph is incarcerated for years for a crime he didn’t commit. The text calls it a prison, but he himself, still in the wake of his teenage trauma, refers to it as “the pit.” He asks a fellow inmate who is about to be released, the royal wine steward, to plead his case to the king, but as last week’s parasha concludes, “The chief wine steward did not remember Joseph, but forgot him.” Once again, Joseph does not exist. Einenu.

When Joseph finally gets out, he becomes instantly and maximally assimilated as an Egyptian. He becomes second in command over the entire Egyptian empire. He is dressed in new clothes and is given an Egyptian name and an Egyptian wife. The Torah breathes no hint of disapproval at this total assimilation. Just the opposite: this is the rise to power that saves countless lives from the severe famine that begins seven years later, including the lives of Joseph’s entire family, the forebears of the Jewish people.

In the process of gaining this crucial influence, he becomes unrecognizable, completely cut off from his origins. Almost no one even knows he is, or once was, a Hebrew. He has fully transitioned, and he passes. Entirely stealth, he is finally fully succeeding in life. He names his first born son Menashe, a form of the word “forget,” in gratitude that “God has made me forget all my hardship and my father’s entire household.” He makes his son into a constant reminder to forget his terrible past. It sounds like a contradiction, but people who have needed to flee from their past know that it’s not. There is the passive kind of forgetting, simply dropping the thread of memory, but then there is active forgetting, forgetting forward. It is enshrined in your present day life: my past can no longer hurt me. The road I took has led me to healing. The old Joseph is dead. Einenu.

It is a natural, and often a necessary, thing to turn away from the home community that harmed you and completely sever your ties to it. So many of us urgently need to leave our religion or family behind in order to thrive. And yet. There is no total escape from one’s past. Even when the way toward healing involves a clean break from a former life, we avoid a relationship with our origins at our peril. Even if no interpersonal reconciliation is possible, you are going to have to learn how to live with your past. Like it or not, your memory and your present-tense self are roommates. And memory is the messy roommate. You and your memory can stagger your schedules, even avoid each other completely, but you will still find dirty dishes left out in the middle of the living room. 

Eventually, Joseph’s past comes knocking on his bolted-shut door. Ten of his brothers show up in Egypt, devastated by the widespread famine, desperate to buy food, and it’s Joseph they have to deal with. He knows who they are, but they don’t know who he is. “We, your servants, are twelve brothers, the son of one man in the land of Canaan,” they tell him when he grills them for information. “The youngest is with our father, and the other is gone.” Einenu.

Again, Joseph undergoes the experience of not existing. Of outliving himself. His brothers do not see him. But this time, the power is all his. They tried to kill him and now they are entirely at his mercy.

But even more urgent than the opportunity for revenge is that Joseph has a chance to rescue his youngest brother, the only other son of Rachel, who never did anything wrong to him, and who has had to live with these abusers for years now. He projects his hurt onto Benjamin and desperately tries to seize this moment, as if he could undo his own trauma by saving another child from having to go through it. In trying to remove Benjamin from the other brothers and bring him to Egypt, Joseph is trying to save the child in him who was hurt so badly, who was thrown into a pit with no one to help him. The innocent child who is no more. Einenu.

Joseph is now reliving the past that he swore he would always remember to forget. He’s stuck in the old story, replaying it and scrambling to undo it. He creates a drama of false accusations and manipulation to bring Benjamin to Egypt and to put his brothers through psychological torture in the process. But as he spends this terrible time with his former family, disguising his intentions throughout, his anger begins to lapse into heartbreak. More than once he leaves the room to weep in secret. It starts to slowly dawn on him, even amidst his deceitful engineering of the situation, that perhaps his brothers really have changed. That maybe it is possible to see the past differently, to see it as a prelude to a liberated future. Never to excuse what was done to you, but to understand it differently as the story gets longer, as life gets longer. To allow it to mean something new, something better.

So many of us have been traumatized by where we come from. So many of us Jews have been not just alienated from Jewish community, but harmed by it, attacked by it, erased from it. 

You may be a Jewish woman who was forced by a misogynist tradition to be silent, subservient, domesticated, degraded.

You may be a politically inconvenient anti-Israel Jew, asked to ignore your moral conscience, to excuse the continual oppression and recurrent murder perpetrated by the state of Israel.

You may be a non-white Jew harmed by creeping white supremacy in Jewish community. A disabled Jew blocked and degraded by ableism. A convert or a non-Jew drawn in by love  and spirituality, and then othered and erased.

You may be, like me, a queer Jew who was told by people she trusted that she had to throw her queerness into the deepest darkest pit and never let it out.

Or maybe you were just not loved by your community, not listened to, not cared for, and you knew in your bones you had to break away.

Regardless, I hope you got free, or are getting free.

Joseph’s story is asking us: how do we want to live with the painful past? What could it start to mean for those of us who have now found a way to thrive despite it? If the ones who hurt us came begging our forgiveness, ready to care for us, ready to see that we do exist, that we are human–what would we say to them?

I don’t know what I would say. What I know is that I am trying to unclench the fist that I have closed over my hurt, to open my hand and let myself heal. To allow memory to be only the painful beginning of a very long and very beautiful story.

[automatismoateo]

I don't know what to do about my parents threatening to disown me if I admit to them that I am agnostic via /r/atheism

I don't know what to do about my parents threatening to disown me if I admit to them that I am agnostic

Ok, this one is a doozy so get ready to hear it..

My (f19) entire life I have been raised in a very conservative, Roman Catholic household. I'm talking about going to Church every week and a private Catholic school kind of life. My parents are extremely strict and steadfast in their religious and Christian values, notably that they are Pro-Life and believe anyone who is Pro-Choice is like the worst form of humanity. For the first part of my life due to indoctrination, I never questioned this line of thinking and didn't think too hard about it. However, as I got older and experienced high school and my first year of college, I'm beginning to realize that what I have been taught to worship is false and hurtful for many groups. Naturally, I kept this fact to myself as I was going through major phases of self-discovery and kept quiet. I continued to reluctantly go to Church and agree with my parents because I knew that otherwise there would be major consequences to pay that I was not ready for.

Fast forward to 2 years ago, and I met the most amazing guy (m19). I'm aware that I'm young and acknowledge that we are both growing and changing and have a lot of life to live, but I really love him and am in the middle of n LDR with him due to college with the plans of staying together later on in life. He makes me smile, laughs, treats me like a queen, and makes me so happy I can hardly believe I got so lucky to have him in my life, much less be loved by him. One of the reasons I love him so much is that we have similar perspectives on life, including that of religion. He himself is an atheist and I consider myself to be agnostic/questioning faith. However, he always reassures me that whatever I choose to do with my life, he will always love me no matter what and is always supportive of whatever I choose to do. Still, I am quite sure of my rapidly growing agnosticism.

About a month ago, my boyfriend came to visit me and my family. It was seriously the best vacation ever except for the fact that he started talking to my mom about his opinions on abortion and his atheism. I would like to clarify that I am absolutely not upset at him for being honest with his views and opinions with my mom. I would never ask him to lie and pretend he's something he is not (which is another reason I love him). After he left, my mom really stuck to the fact that he was an atheist and essentially freaked out saying that we weren't compatible long-term and I shouldn't expect support from my parents in this relationship (even though they've known him and have enjoyed his company for the past 2 years). She kept mentioning how he and I have fundamental differences in our religions, except for the fact that we don't because I don't consider myself to be a Christian anymore. We have had on-and-off conversations with me kind of cowardly avoiding the question and vaguely bringing up my points of confusion with the idea of Christianity, but it all came to a head today.

My mom somehow got into the topic of abortion today and I finally was honest and admitted that I consider myself to be fully pro-choice. She connected the dots to this meaning I was not a follower of God, This completely set her off and she started calling me a disgusting person, and immoral, and when she looks at me she feels like vomiting. She threatened to kick me out of the house and told me that if I continue down my current path I'm not going to have a relationship with them and they will refuse to be a part of my wedding and my life. I've been long accused of using my parents for various reasons (college tuition, shelter, etc.) and this was a repeated instance of that. I have never felt so lonely and depressed than when my mom looked at me and said I was the biggest disappointment in her life. With the impending threat of being put out on the street, I cowardly backtracked and made it seem like "I was still figuring things out" and "I didn't say I don't believe in God". I know this was awful and put me three steps back from where I started but my survival instinct kicked in and as I'm not completely financially independent, I felt like I had to lie to my parents in order to continue my college education and continue living in my house (in a state where I recently moved to and have no close friends that aren't at least 1,000 miles away. I ended up easing my mom's anger with these lies and I feel like a terrible person. I'm lying to my parents and I feel like I'm lying to myself. I know my boyfriend will support me and comfort me too, but I also fear that he deserved better than someone who lies and misleads their parents because they are too afraid of the consequences at this point in their life. I know at some point I'm either going to have to choose to lead a life estranged from my parents or one where I am forced to live in a lie and the thought of this is incredibly depressing. I feel like a coward and a manipulator and I'm honestly disgusted with myself for not having the balls to stick up for my beliefs.

I'm sorry this is so long, I really just needed a place to vent and seek out some advice. How should I continue on knowing what my parent's reaction will be once I finally come clean?

​

Submitted July 09, 2023 at 01:22AM by AbbreviationsIcy3319 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/1MXGsSU)

[wiggles-mcgee]

Every year for Lent for the past six or so years, I do give something up! I'm not fully religious - I would define myself as agnostic, or religious by practice but not by beliefs - but I do celebrate Easter and the Christian traditions due to my family and my upbringing. So we have been partaking in Lent for a while now. For me, it tends to be foods and so on, and I give this up until Easter Sunday, while others in my family give up until Maundy Thursday or Good Friday instead. However, this year I would like to try something else instead! I will give something up, cut back on other things, and commit to certain things too!! Lent for me is both religious/sacred, and a test of willpower and my own strength. I find it empowering, and I also find that while I do enjoy the things I sacrifice during this time, all of the things I give up, cut back on, and commit to, does benefit me!

Right at the top of the list, I give up unhealthy and snack foods!! Any of my family that participates in Lent does this. This is always a vague definition and what we give up varies in my household, but I include in this: snack foods (chocolate, sweets, crisps), fast food and takeout, and generally fatty or sugary foods (varies depending on product). I choose to do this because, apart from the health factor, I find these foods drain my finances unnecessarily. Plus, this is the committment I make for Lent every year, and everything else is just extra, so it's my traditional thing to give up.

I have certain exceptions to this rule for myself - for celebrations such as events or birthdays, where I am not given a choice in food, then I will break Lent, and maybe have a bit of cake too. Or, if certain foods are needed for my health - salted crisps or pretzels if I am unwell, for example, or dark chocolate on my period, or honey for my sore throats. I also do not include squash, and to an extent, hot chocolate, because these drinks bring me comfort and actually make me hydrate myself. Of course, by Easter I have like a bazillion chocolate eggs to eat and that makes me happy too.

I am now at university and will also be giving up alcohol for Lent!! This one is actually so much easier than the snacks one for me, because booze is expensive. And frankly not worth it for one drink. So it makes

That is what I give up in its entirety, but I also try to cut back on certain things during Lent too. Unnecessary spending - sure, snacks and fast food and alcohol are part of that, but also things such as buying plushies or small trinkets or more clothes when I already have a full wardrobe. I don't think I can give this up entirely, as I may forget, but again, this will help me save money and not buy unnecessary things that I won't use all too much or just don't need. Also, I don't think I can give it up entirely, but I will attempt to limit my hot chocolate intake - its my favourite drink, comforting, great for when I'm on my period, and an exception to the foods I give up. But that doesn't mean I should drink it all the time.

I will commit to trying to hydrate myself more - drinking at least one glass of water a day. That doesn't sound like a lot but frankly last week I went two days in a row without drinking anything, my levels of dehydration are concerning and probably contribute to me being sluggish.

I am also going to commit to making appointments for my mental health during Lent - I've been procrastinating this for a while and need to do so. The big two are making a mental health appointment with my faculty at uni, and making progres towards an autism assessment.

So yeah, this is what I will be committing to for Lent this year!!!

Nothing like panicking on Mardi Gras to figure out what you’re doing for lent.

Where’s that post I had seen a while back about people giving ideas for lent? That may have been last year. I’m going to try reading lord of the rings again. Like last year I’m starting late but I think what I don’t finish I’m just going to skip ahead to where I need to be. Also, there’s a podcast for it with short episodes about 4 minutes long that I’ll probably listen to. Maybe I’ll go back to listening to Christian music or listening to the podcast on my drive home from work. I already listen to Christian music on my way to work so I can try to be kinder and not punt any teenagers.

All this to say:

What are y’all doing for lent this year? Not as a brag but as a means of giving ideas/ helping yourself feel accountable by saying it.

[char-lotteral]

It still baffles me to know that despite how conservative and religious the Philippines is, a huge majority of the population still chose to support a man who is known for his crimes, his impunity and the countless bloodshed that he has caused during his dictatorship

[soraka-in-warhammer40k]

Meme Culture in 40K

The Guard: regular shitposting. Often about eccentric characters of the "I knew that guy back in..." variant. Everyone knows the guy who shot his nuts off with a modded lasgun. Names change, often there is no official record, but everyone says they knew the guy. Also a lot of shitposting about certain commisars that is just vague enough to not get them shot on the spot.

Strapping your lasgun to your body so it looks like you are shooting with your dick is an evergreen joke that has not died down for centuries.

Space Marines: in its thematic combat and training focussed for obvious reasons, but utterly incomprehensible to outsiders. Some of the in-jokes and references date back centuries and sometimes puns include several generations of lingual drift to make sense. The events referenced might already be entriely gone from living mortal memory. One of their favourites is "funny mortals I met during a mission"-stories that they swap. Guard officers who just don't give a shit. Civillians who tried their best to "help". Sometimes just humans who just were not intimidated and treated them like any other person, which is very unusual for them. Some people have become meme-characters in their own right by now, even if they have been dead for centuries.

The Inquisition/Officio Assassinorum: No Fun Allowed. If you feel a fun-neuron in your brain firing off report to your superior for mental reconditioning.

Sisters of Battle: Officially also no fun allowed, but when they know no one's looking there is SO much religious shitposting. Sometimes it is bordeline blasphemy, but they usually stop before it goes full heresy. Fire jokes are always in style, and as with any zealot group there are also sub-groups that have their own eccentricities, and oh do they love roasting each other.

Grey Knights: Overly serious and will never be caught making a joke in public. Internally there is a lot of "I punched a Slaanesh demon its dicks with a powerfist once" jokes.

Custodes: Space Marines but x10 worse. Imagine memes that reference minor events in the unification wars. They are essentially a very small club of isolated weirdoes.

Knights: Very dependant on the household, but expect a lot of references to obscure family history. Also every now and so often someone takes a knight arm weapon and makes it look like its firing from where the mecha's genitals would be. That joke is just a human constant by now.

Adeptus Mechanicus: Madness. Utter madness. Their entire binary language is a mess of references and memes piled onto each other, combined with code and mathematical concepts pressed into linguistics. Within all that incomprehensibleness it is almost absurd that "I replaced my dick with a neutron laser" is still an evergreen joke.

Tyrannids: the Overmind is pretty sure that a "meme" was something it ate last week.

Genestealer Cults: they literally just post propaganda. They are genetically conditioned to only find that funny. Quite sad when you think about it.

Demons: are memes. Literally. Chaos is a memetic danger. The trouble is just that they are sentient with their own agency. They definetly have a preference for things that get people killed, such as weird challenges and so on.

Orks: Stories. So many stories about warbosses and the like. Half of them don't make any sense but as long enough Orks agree they do... well... you know the drill.

Craftworld Eldar: Very sensible humor, nothing too exciting. Quite polite. Often with a very melanchonic and depressive undertone. Looking at craftworld memes for too long as been cited as a cause for clinical depression.

Dark Eldar: a weird mirror-universe scenario: if you want to be really punk and edgy in their society, you post on "wholesome memes boards".

Harlequins: Shitposters Surpreme, Clown God and all. However a bit too self-referencial so it gets boring quite fast.

Exodite Eldar: every now and so often someone straps a laser gun to a dinosaur to make it look like it fires with a place where on a mammal there would be genitals.

Necrons: a bunch of royality who literally has nothing left but weird hobbies and shitposting. 90% of memes is someone roasting someone else, somtimes in a very roundabout way. Leads to multi-system civil war sometimes, especially when grudges are held for millenia. Often utterly incomprehensible to outsiders.

T'au: masters of the optimistic meme, also loves throwing shade on Imperial living conditions. Their favourite sort of comedy enjoyed by T'au and auxilliary races alike is essentially auxilliary races or very eccentric T'au driving the Ethereals insane with actions of the "they are a bit confused but they got the spirit" category - the characters definetly do their best for the Greater Good, but in entriely diferent ways the Ethereals would have wanted or planned them to act.

Every now and so often, someone submits blueprints for a battlesuit or Stormsurge that has its massive cannon in a rather peculiar spot. The recent increase of such submissions has been blamed on the humans.

[recovering-catholic]

My friend Fatima is currently trying to claim refugee status in Canada, but has hit obstacle after obstacle. If she is unable to claim refugee status, she could be deported back to Bahrain, where her life is almost certainly in danger.

If you would please sign and share, it would mean the world to me and to the many other people in Canada who love her.

Thank you so much in advance. 🙏🏻

"Fatima is a Bahraini born immigrant seeking refugee status here in Canada to escape persecution. She grew up in Bahrain in an extremely restrictive religious household. Forced to wear the hijab for most of her life, Fatima was forced into Islam from a young age. Day in and day out, she had to pray and act the part of a faithful muslim despite not believing in Islam. Her entire life growing up was restricted and controlled. This included who she saw, what she wore, and what she said.

Finally, at age 19, Fatima managed to immigrate to Canada to study. She spent five years studying at McMaster University, and graduated with a Bachelors of Liberal Arts in 2020. In Canada, Fatima found a sense of freedom she had never had in her home country. She was able to live without religious control and enjoy a secular life. She made many friends and has found a sense of community here.

Unfortunately, Fatima has been fighting to remain here with her friends and community. In 2021, her Post-Graduate Work Permit was rejected. Compounding this, her family from Bahrain found out about her secular lifestyle. This resulted in horrible harassment from her family, including threats against her life. They have also cut off all financial support in an attempt to blackmail her into returning to Bahrain. If Fatima is forced to return to Bahrain, she will no doubt face horrible persecution and be dragged unwillingly back to a faith she does not believe in. Most troubling of all, her life may be at risk.

In order to stay in Canada, Fatima has applied for refugee status. The office of immigration has been challenging her case, citing a number of small discrepancies as an excuse to keep her from receiving refugee status. This has only made this whole process more challenging, and means that Fatima faces deportation.

In 2017, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated “To those fleeing persecution, terror & war, Canadians will welcome you, regardless of your faith…diversity is our strength.” We only ask that the Canadian government live up to these words. Canada has fostered a reputation around the world of being a welcoming place for those fleeing persecution. It makes no sense that a woman fleeing for her life and liberty should be sent back to a hostile and dangerous environment. All we want is for Fatima to stay here, with her friends and partner, where she is safe to continue working and living life as she sees fit.

Please sign this petition demanding refugee status for Fatima!"

[nothorses]

My thing about all the "culturally Christian" stuff is that a lot of people who get labeled as such. Aren't? I'm sure that a lot of people would assume that I'm culturally Christian because I'm a white person living in the US, and a lot of white USians are actually culturally Christian.

But I don't celebrate or participate in any "secular" Christian holidays unless I'm forced (which I do not enjoy), Christianity doesn't inform my beliefs in any way, and I didn't even grow up in a Christian household. Christianity has like, practically zero affect on my life. And yet I just know people will still call me culturally Christian.

As someone who just doesn't really care about religion it's very frustrating.

Oh, absolutely same.

My family is three generations of atheists. We celebrate Christmas, but that's the only Christian holiday we do- and it's in such a way that I fully didn't know Jesus was involved in Christmas, or that it was a religious holiday at all, until I was, like, 10. It's an excuse for family to get together, eat food, and give gifts.

I recognize that's still participation in Christianity to some extent, but I'd also point out that this is pretty intentional on the part of Christianity, too; Christians have historically worked very hard to get people to participate in Christianity in whatever way possible, including in Christmas even incidentally, as a possible avenue of conversion.

And personally, I have done a lot of work to recognize, unlearn, and rebel against Christianity! I've spent most of my life doing that! I have had endless conversations with people about it, I've learned what I can, I've discussed it, listened to people, analyzed my own thoughts and ideals backwards and forwards countless times- and not only that, but I have been actively nervous around, if not outright afraid of, Christians and Christianity my entire life. Because I have always been an atheist, and I have no intention of changing that, and that makes Christians really, really, really fucking angry.

But I'm a white atheist in the US, so I'm generally presumed "ex-christian" and "culturally christian", despite all the work I've done and all the shit I've dealt with to the contrary.

I don't think "culturally Christian" is a label anyone should apply to anyone else- some folks use it for themselves, and that's totally fine! And the phenomena of cultural Christianity does exist; we can recognize and acknowledge when folks are participating in it. I really just wish we'd treat it as a behavior instead of an identity.