#my honest feelings since the start of this year

[st4rbwrry]

𝓗𝓐𝓤𝓝𝓣𝓔𝓓.   charlie mayhew.

ᰔᩚ warnings . . . 3.0k, fem!reader, lowercase intended, sacrilegious acts/blasphemy, rough sex, unprotected sex, ‘father’ kink, fingering, teasing, praise, oral fixation, infatuation, minors aren’t allowed! reblogs + comments are appreciated. ♡

꒰ 𝑚𝑜𝑐ℎ𝑎’𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒 ! ꒱ . . . dunno if nicholas is still canceled or not but idc, he’s still hot n i’m feeding my lust w his character from grotesquerie. here's an edit, oop another for visuals. <3

“forgive me father . . for i have sinned.”

father mayhew found himself drawn to your presence beyond the usual pastoral concern. your gentle demeanor, soft-spoken words, and captivating features. from your luscious curls to your plump, inviting lips stirred something deep within him. something sinful. as the weeks passed, his fascination grew. he looked forward to your weekly visits, anticipating the chance to hear your voice, to offer guidance while secretly drinking in the sight of you. he found himself lost in thought about you during sermons, imagining the curves of your body beneath your modest attire, or the perverted delicacy of your moans. he realized his attraction had evolved from mere curiosity to a full-blown obsession. vivid images of you haunted his mind. he replayed the cadence of your voice, the way your hands clasped together in supplication, and the tantalizing glimpse of cleavage when you bent to recite your prayers.

father mayhew had succumbed to his darkest impulses.

driven by a hunger he'd never known, he began to concoct scenarios in which he could be alone with you, away from prying eyes. late nights found him poring over scripture, searching for justification for his forbidden desires. his once pure intentions as a priest had given way to a dark, all-consuming lust.

father mayhew stood before you in his full priestly regalia, the crisp white collar stark against the black fabric of his cassock. the garment fell to just above his ankles, the hem swaying gently as he moved. a wide, white stole draped across his chest, the vibrant red embroidery glinting in the candlelight. his hair is always neatly combed back, revealing the strong contours of his face. dark eyes gazed at you intently, a look of stern authority tempered by the lingering heat of desire. he held a heavy, leather-bound bible in his right hand, the pages well-worn from years of use.

“confess your sins.”

inhaling sharply, you fiddle with the hem of your dress before speaking. anxiously gnawing at the plush of your bottom lip. this felt embarrassing, unsure of how to start, but aware that if you didn’t it, would continue to eat at your soul. if it wasn’t put into the air now, you’ll never let it out.

“i’m not exactly sure how to say it.”

“be as honest with me as you can.”’

gently, you inhale a rigid breath. “lately i’ve been having . . what you call erotic dreams of someone i’m close to. someone whom i deeply admire and respect. i even find myself tending to those urges almost daily since i’ve known him."

his eyes widen briefly at your admission before regaining composure, his voice low and measured. he must ignore the faint burn of jealousy that scorns in his chest. the recent events of infatuation for you turning possessive.

“i appreciate your honesty. it takes tremendous strength to bear one's soul in this way. please know that you are not alone and there is no shame in struggling with temptation.”

“i don’t feel like myself lately. i’ve never felt so consumed by a person. my thoughts are overbearing, it’s nearly driving me off edge. i don’t believe this is of normalcy.”

he nods. “i too have grappled with impure thoughts and desires. as priests, we are human beings first and foremost . . imperfect vessels striving to serve god and his flock. never doubt that your feelings aren’t valid and worthy of compassion.”

you swallow, heart thrumming against your ribcage, slightly turning your body to face the man whose figure you faintly see behind the barricaded gate. you swear you see him tense, eyes drifting to yours before clearing his throat and squeezing at the bible in hand, bowing his head with eyes shut, trying to block off your sweet scent enveloping the small confinement.

“do you wish to speak more?” he asks, voice raspier.

“i-i . . have a more dire truth.”

“which is?”

“those impure thoughts, taunting me day and night. . are of you, father charlie.”

in a normal setting, he’d react with amusement. though this wasn’t the place to express and endure those primal thoughts, he had to remain diligent. the heat emerges within his body in waves, tonguing his cheek hard before fixing his posture and deciding to respond.

“i would be remiss in my duty as both your priest and confidant if i did not offer solace. being said, perhaps we can meet privately. tomorrow night . . so we won’t be disrupted.”

your pulse quickens at the thought of meeting him alone, intimately, without a prying eye to judge. you don’t question how quickly he is to come to that decision, a part of you knowing that he felt the exact same. that only enticed you.

“yes, father. of course."

and on that saturday night, you find yourself making your way to his modest quarters above the rectory, the nervousness coats your entire body, thoughts racing on what could happen tonight. one sticking out in obvious detail. the snow white of your sundress imprinted with tiny flowers is anxiously toyed with at the ends by your french manicured nails. your hair is pulled back from your angelic face, held up by a claw clip. the hallway towards his private bedroom seemed excruciating long, wind from the open windows blowing in warmth, flowing with the white curtains eerily.

knocking on the wooden door, the last thing you expected to see when you arrived was father mayhew greatly exposed, his hair slightly damped, combed back per usual, coils of curls sticking up on the nape of his neck. beauty marks littered along his torso in constellations. he’s fixated, slanted eyes glaring down at you intensely with longing. he hums, scanning you from head to toe. a white towel is the only fabric piece on his body, covering his lower half, vein-covered arm stretching the door further, greeting you with a smile that borders on sinister.

“꒰♡꒱,” he ushers you inside, the scent of his cologne making you dizzy.

a gasp releases softly as you enter, continuing to take in the sight of father mayhew’s toned physique, chiseled features illuminated by the moonlight filtering through the vintage window. you feel a rush of heat coursing through your veins, body responding instinctively to his raw, unbridled desire.

“father . . .” you whisper, voice trembling slightly as you step closer, drawn to the aura of masculinity emanating from him. your eyes roam over his exposed skin, taking in the sight of his defined muscles and the trail of dark hair leading down from his navel. the itch to reach out and trace a finger along the edge of his towel strikes you hard, needing to remain somewhat composed.

the silence is deafening, the creak of the door shutting and the broadness of his body hovering over you makes your clit pulse hard. words weren’t necessary to exchange, both of your eyes read what you equally wanted, and needed. he stands before you, placing a hand on the wall behind you, his other reaching out to gently cup your cheek, thumb stroking your soft skin, eyes locked onto yours searching for any sign of hesitation or regret.

“father,” your eyes shyly avoid his stern gaze, the imprint of his dick hard behind it’s towel, close to touching your stomach. “is this okay? i mean . . this is a sin. for the two of us.”

his breath mingles with yours, expression turning solemn as he begins to speak. “what we do remains within these walls. we are all embodiments of a sin. we will give grace, and we will be forgiven.”

savoring the warmth of his touch, you can see the fire burning in his eyes, mirroring your own desire. ample curves mold to his firm contours, his hands taking yours to raise them above your head, pining you still amongst the wall. his breath on your neck makes your skin prickle with heat, squeezing your thighs together when his lips hover by your earlobe.

“lust is a temptation we must all face. it is a primal urge, a craving for physical connection and pleasure that can lead us astray if not kept in check,” he rasps, mouth falling open to kiss and slide his thick tongue against your collarbone, tasting you with a greedy moan.

the act makes you whimper, fingertips reaching for his towel, deliberately tugging to let it fall to the floor and pool at his feet. a low groan escapes his throat, dick hard and slapping on his thick thigh. his mouth trails along the other side of your neck, pushing his hips forward as you moan into his ear, trailing your fingers up to the dark brown tresses of his hair to fist.

“lust is not inherently evil. in its purest form, it is a natural part of the human experience, a drive that propels us toward union and creation,” father mayhew finally captures your lips in a heated kiss, tongue delving into your mouth with a hunger bordering on feral, your throat evoking a deep moan, catching up with his pace.

he breaks the kiss to your displeasure, panting harshly, his eyes glazed with lust. father mayhew keeps your body up against the wall, removing his hands from your wrists, not before sternly saying, “keep them there.”

that voice again, so deep and salacious it goes straight to your clit. the dampness of your arousal seeps through your panties now, physically announcing your desperate need for him. within seconds, he’s crouching below you, pink lips peppering kisses along your navel after lifting your dress up, hot fingers indenting into the flesh of your hips he slicks his tongue on. you can’t help but continue whimpering, shifting your waist as a show of urgency.

“i wonder," he trails off, slender fingers gently sliding off your thong, a string of slick coming along with it. you hastily step out of them, watching him throw your right leg over his shoulder, mouth so close to your pussy. “if the key is to recognize when our desires become excessive when they begin to consume us rather than serve as a healthy expression of our needs.”

“i don't care anymore, father,” you breathe, his lips hovering your mound. “i crave you, i need you. we can repent for our sins later.“

the muscles in his jaw clench, lashes angelically kissing his cheekbones. he wetly gives an open-mouthed kiss to the curve between your hip and thigh, staring at you. “so fuck it.”

“fuck it,” you nod, chest heaving, your pent-up arousal unbelievable.

“i want to lose myself in you, consequences be damned.”

with his jaw slacking, his mouth encapsulates your clit, rough tongue following the lead. a thankful shudder emits from you, keeping your hands molded to the wall like he told you. his eyes never leave your face, the wet interaction sounding the room as he sucks and pulls on your engorged clit with his lips. separating your legs further so he can taste everything that leaks from you.

“mhm, fuck. that's what i needed,” he growls into your pussy, chin getting wet and head moving to slick his face up and down, swallowing and moaning. he begins to delve his tongue into your opening where it only gets wetter, fucking into you with his nose to your clit and your inner thighs trembling.

you can’t take not touching him, going to fist his hair with your eyes scrolling to the back of your head, lips quivering from the ache of finally being given the pleasure you dreamt of.

“put your fingers in me, baby,” you whine, gripping at the nape of his neck to gently pull him back, needing it now.

“let me handle you. don’t speak.”

whining from the harsh hit he gives your outer thigh, you nod your head to his need, gathering more of his hair to tug while he gives your pussy one more big kiss and sucking at his own fingers quickly after. his salvia trickles down to his knuckles as he wets his fingers, sinking his pointer and middle simultaneously into your awaiting pussy.

“fuck,” he curses immediately after, the clench and greedy pull your pussy does around them only makes him spank you again. they’re so thick inside of you, squelching around them along with grinding down pleadingly, and he thinks you look angelic.

“my sweet, sinful girl," father mayhew’s lips continue to curl up wickedly, dropping your leg and standing back to his full height, missing your face in his.

the pads of his fingers roll over your clit, spread open completely for him, his head slightly cocked to watch you, faces inches apart. he studies the way your mouth falters open as he gathers your cum around his fingers after dragging two of them between your folds, slowly sinking them back inside, testing the waters. your toes curl instantly, bucking your hips into his hand as his thumb presses your puffy clit and you finally breathe out a loud moan. he takes his time savoring the way your walls clamp around him, begging without words to pull him deeper.

“there you go," he gasps with you as he fucks into you faster, knuckles deep, palm slick and slapping against your clit. you shudder under his control, gut twisting when he kisses you, tongues swirling together, eyelids droopy as you suck each other's lips, biting him to taste a hint of blood.

“i need to be inside of you,” he heaves, having enough of the foreplay. he’s been thinking about this for far too long. it was painful enough having to restrain himself. “fuck, you’re pretty.”

it ignites something nasty inside of you when father mayhew tucks your body beneath him to align his throbbing dick dripping with delicious precum to your pussy, stuffing and stretching you within the blink of an eye. he cooed after hearing you squeal and whimper, leveling his body to lock his forearms underneath the backs of your knees, hovering you above him and backing away from the wall. he easily balances both of your weights, your arms holding onto the back of his neck with your back arching and stomach pressing hotly to his scorching skin.

“that’s it, take it all,” he grunts, fingers sprawled across your hips and ass to push you down so his dick is engulfed into you. “fuck, you feel real good.”

“fuck me, please. m’begging you,” the tears welling in your eyes activate something inside of him he’s never felt before, heart thrashing in his chest as he grants you a rough kiss on your mouth before drawing his hips back to slam you up and down on his thick dick, the veiny ridges catering to every aching part inside of you.

“o-oh, my g-god,” you whisper in his ear, clawing into his back and burying your face into the crook of his neck, listening to the harshness of your ass clapping down onto his broad thighs the heavier he drops you down. “ngh, s’fuckin’ good.”

“mhm hmm,” is all he can get out, hissing and holding you up so the tip is only kissing your entrance before pounding into you with steady, rough strokes. the burn on his back from your scratches fuels him, grunting in your ear and fucking you deep. so deep you can’t control those filthy sounds he loves too badly.

“call me by my name,” he grits his teeth, your juices dripping down his balls that jump out of reaction from your dulcet voice. “right now, ꒰♡꒱. don’t be scared now.”

“charlie,” you whimper, pulling your face up to stare into his crepuscular eyes, near gone.

“nah,” he shakes his head. “how do you address me, ꒰♡꒱.”

lips pouty, you lean in to kiss him, mouths smacking together wetly, his hips hastening, your mouth slacking and cries falling when he begins to hit that good spot, almost losing your mind. “f-fuck, y-yessss! stay there, stay there please, father!”

“god, yes,” the dark bush of his eyebrows furrow on his face as he focuses on the tightness around his cock, sticking his tongue out of his mouth needing you to do the same. your tongue glides along his, father mayhew sucking on yours and thrusting harder. “greedy girl.”

your body begins to convulse, muscles tensing as the coil in your tummy tightens, aiding you to cum hard on his dick. he probed deeper, swiveling his hips and knocking into you rough and your pussy creams on him, tightening and pulsating as you cum and shake almost violently.

“anh—ughhh, b-baby.”

father mayhew watches your voice contort from your pleasure, crying out and sniffling from the feeling in your tummy that wouldn’t stop, looking like you’ll cum again. he can feel it, in fact.

“tell me you want this," he grunts, his voice rough with need. "tell me you crave my dick buried inside you. that it makes you feel so good. that you’re mine every fuckin’ time you come see me. tell me.”

“y-yes, i wan’ it,” your voice quite literally trembles, gasps coming out broken. “i wan’ you, need you. . fuckin’ me.”

“good fuckin’ girl, ꒰♡꒱. g-good fuckin’ girl. god, give me permission to cum.”

your voice gets caught in your throat when he stumbles back towards the wall, hiking you further up and pressing his palms flat to the wall, your ass recoiling and hitting the surface as he fucks you faster, and harder, keeping your knees high up. a death lock he has on you, you can barely move an inch. sinking and pulling out his girth by every filthy pound. your breath on his skin with his on yours. it was the ultimate embodiment of erotica.

“cum in me, cum in meeee!”

guttural moans and heavy panting stir between your neck, father mayhew giving you one final, heavy thrust before he’s cumming inside of you while you orgasm once more. gripping onto his hair tightly with your mouth faltering open, hiccuping and whining loudly. grounding your hips down to squeeze and milk him of everything he had for you. his release is loud, waist shuddering, and primal growls in your face with his forehead pressed to yours, bodies entwined in a sticky mess.

he keeps you stuck in this position for a while, heaving in your face and taking your lips to his again for another kiss, growing high off your shared taste.

“you ignite a fire within me unlike anything else.”

© 𝒮𝒯𝟦𝑅𝐵𝒲𝑅𝑅𝒴! all rights reserved. please do not repost, steal, or modify my work simply because it is mine. stealing isn't cute. i'll ruin your life ♡

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part Eight

Summary: Jungkook's feelings for you have grown immensely and he can't hold himself back from being honest anymore. Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 2.6K~ (I know it's short but it was at a good stopping point and I couldn't figure out how to continue it without a big time skip/harsh break so yeah enjoy this mini chapter 😅) Warnings: No warnings just fluff a/n: Another almost four months and I only have a little bit for you 😔 I'm still trying to figure out how I want to go about finishing this story (yes it's close to the end) so please bear with me 😪 but either way I hope you enjoy!

Ever since I told him last month that I didn't want to be friends anymore and by default telling him that I wanted to be with him things have been different.

We've settled into a new routine with the tension between us no longer burning to the point I shy away but something that feel natural, domestic even. 

I guess you could say that's pretty obvious from the fact that we're living together but his subtle touches are welcomed and expected.

Things as simple as his hand on my lower back as he passes by or his arms wrapped around me from behind with his chin propped up on my shoulder or even a kiss on the forehead are all things that we've settled into and it makes me feel loved. 

Love is still a scary word for me to think about or even say aloud but it's something I feel towards him, deeply, hopelessly, painfully.

At times I remember that things could suddenly change without warning. That he could toss me out as soon as he gets fed up with waiting like Jared did. That he cou-. 

"Ow!" I cry out when he pinches my side, "What was that for?" I whine, the spot he abused  already sore. "I've been calling your name for five minutes and you didn't respond so..." he chuckles and I hum, not having the energy to scold him further. 

He wraps his arms around my waist and props his chin on my shoulder just like I had been thinking about while spacing out, leaving me relaxing into him, the feeling of being in his arms taking away some of the anxiety that had started to build. 

"You okay?" he asks, placing a kiss on my cheek to which I hum again, nodding along with it. "You sure, because you've been stirring your coffee for the past seven minutes" he says, my hand stilling once he points it out. 

I take a drink of the completely cold beverage and sigh in defeat, realizing that his words are true. 

"I wanted it cold anyways" I mumble and turn to walk over to the freezer to add some ice, Jungkook letting go but still staying close. 

"Something's wrong" he says after observing me for another second or two, very used to reading my body language. "Nothing's wrong I'm just...tired" I reply and the truth is I am. 

"My internship has been kicking my ass and I don't know, I guess it's all starting to catch up to me" I relent and he takes a turn humming, knowing I'm not telling him the whole truth. 

"You know you can tell me anything right?" he says, coming closer and cradling my face in his hands, granting him a sad smile in return. 

"I know, but I promise I'm fine. It's just been a long week that's all" he studies my features for a while and decides to take my word for it, seeing that I'm not ready to talk about it. He nods his head a tiny bit before leaning in and giving me a soft kiss on my lips, one that lasts but a moment before pulling away.

"You wanna watch something tonight?" he asks and I smile as my answer, making him chuckle. "I'll make the snacks if you wanna go choose" he offers and I nod, my face still cradled in his hands so he gives me one last kiss before letting go and leaving our source of entertainment up to me.

~~~~

As the movie we've already watched and fallen in love with plays Jungkook notices my absence even though I'm cuddled up next to him, my reactions being minimal to nonexistent.

The parts we always laugh at are met with the sounds of his enjoyment and not mine so he pauses it and waits for me to notice which I don't for a while leaving him even more worried. 

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours Bunny? Did I do something wrong?" he asks and I sit up, needing him to know that he hasn't. "No, no you've been wonderful, better than I deserve honestly" I say, mumbling the last part but of course he hears it loud and clear.

"I'm good to you because I love you and you do deserve it, that's all" he admits so freely that I almost don't catch it. "You...what?" I ask, almost too scared to breathe. "I love you" he says with a crooked smile, clearly enjoying my practically speechless state.

I sit there for a minute, stunned into silence, not having expected that at all but he just laughs. "What? You didn't think I loved you?" he asks, brushing a stray strand of hair off of my face, letting his fingers trail down my neck before withdrawing his hand.

"No...I mean maybe? Isn't it a little too early for I love you's?" I ask, tentative to say it after I had been burned by...

"I don't think so. I mean it might be forward but I've loved you for a long time and I've cared about you even longer. You're someone that has been a constant in my life for many many years and the fact that you've given me permission to hold you, kiss you...well it's something that I don't think I can hold back anymore" he confesses, making me feel as though my heart might explode. 

"I-" "You don't have to say anything. Take your time and only say it if you truly mean it Darling. I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for" he says, chancing caressing my face again and rubbing his thumb along my bottom lip. 

"Come here" he says and pulls me in, having me straddle him not for anything sexual but just for the need to hold me close. 

I burry my face in his neck and he rubs my back, knowing that I feel vulnerable since although he's not rushing me, I know he'll be waiting for an answer. 

"I'm scared" I mumble against his skin and he hums, understanding the situation honestly more than I wish he did. He witnessed the ups and downs of the relationship between Jared and I and sat on the sidelines, knowing he could treat me better but caring about me too much to take away my right to make my own decisions and choose who I love even if it wasn't him. 

"Take your time Bun. You know I'll always be here for you, no matter how long it takes" he reassures me of what I knew, making me nod and wrap around him even tighter, taking his words as genuine but still terrified that this could all slip away at any moment. 

~~~~

A week goes by and I still haven't said it and it's killing me.

When he says goodbye he says it, whenever we've been intimate he says it, he even says it randomly just to try to make me smile but my mind won't truly let it sink in until I say it back.

"Baby?" he asks, knocking on my partially ajar door, seeing that I've been taking a little while longer to get out of bed this morning. 

I hum and let him come in, trying to assess the state I'm in before saying anything else as he comes and sits down on my side of the bed, looking down at me and placing his hand on my waist. I'm still laying down, not having made an effort to get up just yet which I know worries him as well but he doesn't push me too hard. 

"You not feeling well?" he asks, now going to check my temperature with the back of his hand but not noticing a fever of any sort making his theory very short lived. "No, just tired" I say quietly, not having spoken a word since I woke up, my voice still raspy which I can tell he enjoys but doesn't comment on this time.

"You want me to make you something? It's already lunch time and you haven't eaten all day huh?" he asks, knowing the answer but still allowing me the chance to reply. "Yeah maybe something simple like a sandwich?" I request and he nods.

"Want me to get it from that sandwich place we love?" he suggests, rubbing small circles on my waist but I shake my head. "No I'm craving one of your sandwiches" I say making him smile, knowing one of his favorite forms of praise is compliments on his cooking. 

"Okay Bun, the usual?" he asks, knowing exactly what I want but asking just in case I'm feeling like something a little different today but I nod my head in approval making him lean down and place a kiss on my forehead before asking if I want him to bring it up here to which I decline. 

"I need to get out of bed at some point" I say and he shrugs, "You're allowed to have a lazy day every once in a while if you'd like. I could even come join you later on?" he proposes making me smile, in favor of his suggestion. 

"Can we take a nap after lunch?" I ask and he smirks a bit, testing the waters to see what I'm actually asking for. "Just a regular nap this time" I roll my eyes leaving him sighing dramatically before leaving, telling me he'll call me down when it's ready.

Once he's gone the doubt that has been plaguing my mind comes circling back.

'What if he's just saying that to take pity on me? What if he's saying it to rush me into something I'm not ready for? What if-' I groan, cutting off the spiral that I send myself down every time I'm alone and throw the blankets off before going into my bathroom and throwing cold water on my face, glaring at myself in the mirror, daring me to keep acting like this.

He loves me. He loves...me. Why am I so torn up about this? People say it all the time so it's not like it's the end of the world. It's just that...well next time I say it I want to mean it. The next time I say it I want it to be real. 

I want to say it to the man that I'll promise to say it to forevermore. 

Call me a hopeless romantic all you want but if I'm going to trust someone with my heart again I don't want to regret it...

~~~~

"Here you go Bunny" he says and places my sandwich in front of me. "I love you" I mumble, softer than I've ever said anything before but it makes his movements stutter. 

"What was that Darling?" he asks, sitting down in the seat next to me at the table. "I um...I said 'Thank you'" I chicken out and although he wants to call me out on it he doesn't.

"You're welcome baby" he says, his smile a little brighter when he realizes that I'm trying, that I want to say it too but I just don't have the confidence yet. 

"Anything for you" he finishes and caresses my cheek before getting up and grabbing his plate along with our drinks. 

"You sure you're feeling alright?" he asks, my silence through lunch palpable since whenever he tries to start up a conversation I give him small short answers that make his efforts die in his throat. 

"I've just been feeling a little funky that's all" I say and he hums, contemplating his next words which surprise me. "I'm sorry" he says, defeated and honestly quite vulnerable. "Why are you apologizing?" I ask, not thinking that he would have done anything that would require something like that. 

"I knew you weren't ready and I rushed things but I wanted to be able to say what I felt for you because it was eating me alive. Having to cut off my sentences and not being able to speak my mind fully, holding you as close to my heart as possible but not being able to tell you that you had it in the palm of your hand already I just...I couldn't do it anymore" he says, his whole demeanor shifted into an almost sorrowful state that I can't hold it back anymore.

I can't keep hurting him like this when all I want to do is scream it for all to hear, even if the thought terrifies me.

"I love you" I say making his head pop up from it's dropped state, then feeling guilty and looking at his lap again as a result. "You don't have to say it just because I did. I just wanted to apologize because I know that that's was why you've been feeling so off lately" he says but I shake my head. 

"The thought of giving my heart to someone again scares the shit out of me. After...well after going through all of that the thought of opening myself up again was not something I wanted to do. I will admit I sought you out out of lust at first but as our friendship and eventual relationship began to grow I realized that I cared about you a whole lot more that I should" I say, me now with my head turned down, not being able to keep the intense eye contact he's giving me, hanging on every word. 

"I didn't know if you were doing these things for me because you felt sorry or because you truly cared. I know now that doubting your motives was honestly my own self doubt getting the best of me. You've done nothing but love and care for me since the beginning and I haven't let myself fully process the fact that I'm..." I cut myself off and take a deep breath.

"The fact that I'm falling in love with you" and although he said those words first the admission alone has me feeling as though he hadn't, as if he would change his mind now that I reciprocated his confession but he does anything but that, further confirming his true intentions for me as he pulls me closer. 

He doesn't pull me in with a carnal passion in mind, he doesn't even pull me in for a kiss, he pulls me in and holds me close, telling me wordlessly that he's proud of me. That he's proud of me for taking that step, for trusting him with my heart, my mind, soul, fully consumed by him without abandon.

"Thank you" he whispers, his face being buried in my hair making me laugh at the ticklish feeling. "Don't make it weird" I say and poke his side making him flinch and hold me tighter. "How can I not? The woman I love loves me back" he chuckles and when I try to pull back he squeezes me tighter. 

"Just let me have my moment" he huffs making me sigh and return his crushing embrace. "I love you" he says making me burry my face into his neck, mumbling it against his skin in return. 

"Nah nah nah, say it like you mean it" he says, pushing me back just enough so he can look at me. "But I do mean it!" I roll my eyes, playing into his pouty act. "Come on, say it!" he says, pushing me back and forth, making me sway. 

"I already said it, why do you need to hear it again?" I chuckle when his pout gets deeper. "Okay fine" I give in making his brows raise at my quick defeat. "I love you" I whisper in his ear and then run away, his hold on me having loosened from pure shock of my honesty, knowing now that I truly truly mean it. 

"Get back here!" he scolds once he's come back down to earth, the surprise replaced with determination, his intentions being to not let me go til sunrise.  

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[catherinnn]

Unspoken Truths

Steddie x fem!reader

as requested, this is a part 2 of Truth or Dare Harrington?

summary: there are fears and unspoken truths among the three of you the morning after, yet desires and feelings as well, threatening your so-called friendship. Would you still dare to choose truth now?

warnings: porn with plot, a lot of smut (+18!!), some angst and some fluff for balance. pin, unprotected sex (please don't do this, this is fiction), oral (f), masturbation (male), cum play, crampie, fingering, degrading, praises. lmk if i missed anything!

words: 4.8k masterlist

You start becoming aware of the soft feeling of the sheet on your skin, your breathing pattern and the comfortable heaviness in your limbs. You open your eyes and roll away to be on your back, then stretch out as you let out a big yawn.

When the memories from last night come back, you realize you're alone in your bed when you went to sleep with two other persons in here.

After you throw on a shirt, empty your bladder and brush your teeth, you go to the kitchen to finally have something to eat. That's when you find the two missing people.

Eddie and Steve are standing on your kitchen having coffee and toasts, barely dressed. You should have noticed the shirts still resting on your bedroom floor.

"Finally, I thought you were dead" Steve says as he sees you. "You sleep more than Eddie, you should be worried about that"

"Oh, leave her alone. She had a long night" Eddie teases you.

"When did you two wake up?" you ask.

"I woke up twenty minutes ago, Eddie like ten minutes ago" Steve says as he grabs another mug. "You want coffee?"

"Yes, please"

You don't know how to describe it, but the air around you three feels thick with a certain tension. Uncomfortable and uncertain.

How does this work now? What happens to the three of you after last night?

It's weird to feel this way with both of them, they have been such good friends to you over all these years. Did you ruin everything?

"Hey, so ummm, how does this work now? Are we back to being friends?" Steve asks after a long silence.

"I would say so, yeah" Eddie confirms. "I mean, it's not like... we can do anything, there's three of us"

"No, obviously" you say.

It feels a little disappointing. You don't know what you were expecting to be honest, but it was not to just go back to normal. Act like it never happened. But Eddie said it best, it's not like you can date both of them at the same time, you also didn't feel like you could choose just one of them.

The weeks passed by, you try to at least act as if everything is normal among you three. But it was hard.

What you didn't know is that the boys felt the same. It was near impossible to ignore, or let alone, forget how each of you kissed and moaned.

Eddie was in hell right now, he was certain of it. Karma had gotten to him.

He played at The Hideout this Thursday like every other week. But this week, you came to see him too. You usually did, it's not like this was the first time you had seen him perform, but it was the first time after that night.

Most of the group was here too, except Steve since he said he already had plans, he said that maybe he'd swing by if he could, but he wasn't sure.

After Eddie played, him and the boys sat with you all again. The girls were teasing you for something and you were just rolling your eyes, hiding your smirk.

"What happened?" he asks.

"She just looks really good tonight, doesn't she?" Nancy smirks.

"Uh, well y- yeah" he got nervous.

"That is a popular opinion today." Eddie frowns at Robin's comment, really confused.

"The waiter just asked for my number" you finally explain.

"Oh, which one?" he asks.

"Ryan"

"Really? And what did you say?"

The girls don't quite realize how uncomfortable this is for the both of you, or if they do, their smirks and giggles are hiding it really well.

"I gave it to him" you shrug.

"You'd go out with Ryan?" he asks, surprised.

"I don't know, maybe?"

"huh" he says in a tone that irritates you.

"What?"

"Just... didn't think he was your type" he says.

"And what is my type?" you ask him, frowning.

"I don't know, I'm just... talking nonsense"

"Alright, I'm gonna grab another drink" you say as you get up.

"Wait, I'll go too" Eddie follows you.

"What's your deal?" you ask him once you're away from the group.

"I don't have a deal" he acts indifferent.

"Then what was that about?" you question.

"I'm just... surprised you'd go for a guy like him"

"What does that mean?"

"He seems like such a douche! From what I've talked to him... I think he's so boring for you" he explains.

"Well, that is for me to decide"

"Of course! Absolutely! It’s just that... as your friend," he says that as if it was ironic, "I know you, and I know you won't like him"

"Do you now?" you ask, gritting your teeth. Who does he think he is?

"Oh, I know you very well" he gets closer, with a big smug smirk on his face.

"Are you jealous? Is that what this is?" you question him and his smirk gets bigger as he chuckles.

"Maybe I am, yes" he whispers very close to you. "Maybe I don't like the idea of you moving on so fast"

Next thing you know he's pushing you against the wall of his room like he had been pushing you against the bar at The Hideout, all for Ryan to see. He kissed you hard and passionate and he still is, even when it's just the two of you on his room.

You can still make out the minty and smoky taste of his lips. His hands are all over you, they settle on pushing your skirt so high up that he can grab your thighs without a distraction while he wraps them around his waist.

His tongue is invading your mouth in a way that makes you whine every ten seconds. He pushes his crotch against yours so you can feel his erection very clearly.

"Eds, please" you beg.

"Okay, pretty girl. I know" he whispers and finally takes off your shirt. "No bra?" he chuckles.

"Doesn't go with this shirt" you explain.

"How convenient" he smirks as he lowers to start kissing your breasts. He did confirm it was one of his favorite parts of your body. He licks and sucks and bites on your nipples, having the time of his life.

He then moves you over to his bed, where you lay on your back. He takes off your skirt and boots. He still stays stood up in front of you, looking like a fucking god as he takes his shirt off, then his pants and shoes as well.

He turns you around in a swift move that makes you gasp, he chuckles at that. He grabs handfuls of your ass with his hands as he pulls you against him once more.

"I don't know if I want you on my fingers or my mouth" he speaks. "Nah, I definitely want you all over my face"

You chuckle at that yourself. He takes your panties off and throws them with his pants so he remembers to keep them. He lowers to start kissing and biting on your thighs and cheeks. Then, he wastes no more time and dives right in, no warnings. His face all against your pussy as he wraps his lips on your clit.

He alternates on focusing on your clit to then your hole, as he enters it with his tongue.

"Fuck, Eddie" you can't help but let out as you grip on his sheets.

He spits on your pussy to then lick it all up again as he fully makes out with your cunt. It all becomes so much, he really gives you no break until you're screaming and gripping on his sheets just to hold on to something as you cum all over his face. He makes sure to not waste one drop, still eating you out even after you came.

"S- stop" you move his face away and he sits up with a big grin to then clean off his mouth and chin with the back of his hand.

"You okay?" he checks on you after.

"Yeah" you confirm, breathing normally again.

"Wanna keep going?" he asks.

"Yeah" you smirk now.

"Stay like that" he smirks as he takes off his boxers throwing them somewhere in the room too. He passes the head of his cock all over your slit to then push it inside, slowly as he bottoms out with a groan.

"mmph baby" you moan.

He start his thrusts slowly, gripping your waist to keep you in place.

They become harder by the second. "Fuck, you're so tight, so wet." His head is thrown back as he enjoys the way you wrap around him.

Your moans make him go harder and faster, and grips you even harder with every clench he feels around his cock.

"Oh god, you're killing me" he whines as he lowers his upper body to hide his face on your neck.

"God, Eddie!" you scream, he bites on your neck, definitely leaving marks.

"You're close, aren't you?" he asks and you can feel his whisper in your ear, making this so much hotter.

"I am, baby" you whine. One of his hands lowers to play with your clit some more, you can feel his smirk pressed on your cheek. He bites you there too, he doesn't know what it is that held over him to want to bite you all over. But it is clearly working for you too.

"Mmh, your pussy is so good, sweetheart" he moans as he keeps moving hard on you.

"Ohhh" you scream as you can feel your orgasm just around the corner.

"Come for me, pretty girl, come all over my cock" he moans, hitting it harder as well as he's rubbing you.

"God- Eddie! Oh, yes!" you let yourself go, almost falling completely on the bed if it wasn't for him gripping you and keeping you in place.

He used you as he wanted to, as he needed to. Your face completely on his mattress as he moves faster, messier. His gaze locked on the way you were milking him, making him achieve his end a few seconds later.

"Holy sh- shit" he exhales as he falls on the bed right next to you.

"God, that was-" you say breathlessly.

"Yeah, so good. So fucking good"

"Incredible"

--

A week later, you were planning on going to see Eddie play once again. You were surprised to see Steve and Robin had the same idea. The three of you sat at a table with Eddie now too after he played with the band.

Steve doesn't know if he's being paranoid or seeing clearly. He feels like Eddie and you are being extra touchy and flirty. You sat next to each other and he had brought your chair even closer to his.

At one point you reached on the table to grab a napkin and Steve noticed Eddie's hand was on your waist.

You also laughed at every single joke Eddie made. Don't get him wrong, Eddie is a funny guy, but not that much. You shoved him as you laughed and he smirked down at you with his hand still on your waist.

But he might be reading too much into it. Maybe it was just his jealousy talking.

Or maybe that really is a hickey on your neck, which you tried to hide by wearing a turtle neck. But it peeks out either way, and Steve noticed it.

He got his answer thanks to Robin's clumsiness. He has never been more thankful of it.

She was telling a story of how a waiter here had dropped all of his tray right next to her, last week.

"Was it after you two left earlier? Or... wait, maybe it was when you were by the bar. Did you see it? The whole bar turned around to see what happened"

"No, it has to be when we weren't here anymore" Eddie confirms.

"Oh, you two left earlier?" Steve casually asks you.

"Uh... yeah" you say, trying to not give much away.

"Yeah, they bailed on us together. What even happened after that, huh?" Robin teases, not knowing just how much she was actually asking.

"Oh, shut up" you roll your eyes trying to act playful as if it really wasn't a big deal.

Eddie chuckles and raises his eyebrows.

Every piece fell into place for Steve. The hickeys, the clinginess. You two did it again. He felt so fucking jealous, like a warm and awful feeling in his stomach.

--

"There's Vicky, see you later guys!" Robin runs to her girlfriend's car and leaves once the night is over, leaving you three behind.

An uncomfortable scene unfolds. You all stand there looking at the car take off, neither of you knowing if you should talk about it, but if you didn't... what could you say instead?

"So..." Eddie turn around facing you two now.

"Are you two leaving together?" Steve asks, playing dumb.

"Uh- he's just dropping me home" you explain.

"Yeah" Eddie confirms.

"And... how long were you planning on keeping it a secret?" Steve finally asks.

"Steve..." you start.

"Dude, i- it's not like that. We're not..." Eddie somewhat explains.

"You haven't talked about it yet?" Steve chuckles and you shake your head awkwardly.

"How about coffee at my place?" you offer, really needing to talk to the both of them.

Steve was harder to convince, he said he didn't want to get in the middle, but it was obvious he was hurt. At the end, the three of you do end up sitting at your table.

"Last weekend we were together again," you come off clean to Steve, "just that one time"

"Just that night?" Steve frowns.

"Yeah, we haven't really... talked after that, we didn't know how to proceed now" Eddie explains.

"You don't need to explain anything to me-"

"You're jealous," Eddie interrupts him. "and I get it. If it had been you two, I think I'd be mad as hell right now. That may be why I rushed into it again" he confesses.

"You like her... a lot" Steve notices and Eddie nods. "and I like her too" Steve confesses.

"O- okay" you say, surprised at how this is unfolding. "You both want... something more with me?"

The two of them nod.

"I'm not choosing" you refuse.

"You already did" Steve looks down.

"No, I didn't... if it had been you who tried with me again, I would've said yes too" you confess.

Weirdly enough, Eddie didn't feel jealous or hurt at that, as he thought he would. The thought of you with Steve also exited him quite a lot. Steve felt like that as well. It was hard to explain for him, so he ignored how arousing it was for him to think about you two together again, and focused on the part that felt the jealousy... the thing is he didn't know exactly who he was jealous of in particular, because it wasn't just of Eddie. He was jealous he wasn't there too.

"I like both of you, equally... and I think you two may feel that way too" you're the only one that had the guts to admit it first.

"B- both of us? I'm not... particularly jealous of just Eddie. I'm jealous because I would've liked to be there too, with both of you again" Steve takes his time, but finally gets it off his chest.

"Do you like me too?" Eddie asks Steve. He didn't know why, but he was frightened to ask that out loud.

"... I do" Steve confesses, feeling just as scared.

"I like both of you too" Eddie is the last to agree on that.

"So... how does this work now?" you ask.

"I have no idea," Eddie says and Steve nods. "We don't need to figure it out right now, we can... just see where this takes us"

"But... would we be exclusive among us three from now on?" Steve asks.

"Well, I would say so" you go.

"I gotta, umm... cancel a date then" Steve admits.

"Really?" you laugh.

"Well, the last thing I knew it was that we were staying as friends... and I was planning on respecting that!" he defends himself.

"Yeah, sorry about that" Eddie says.

"Tell me about it" Steve asks all of the sudden. "How was it?"

"What?" you say surprised.

"Tell me, I wanna know" he gets comfortable, smirking.

Eddie smirks too looking at him that way. "You really wanna know all about it, big boy? Tell him, princess. How was it?"

You were already regretting choosing both of them.

"How was it?" You check but they both nod, smirking at you. "You guys are mean" you roll your eyes and they chuckle.

"Come on! Don't get shy now"

"It was... really good" you whisper.

"What did you do?" Steve asks with interest and you chuckle nervously.

"Well, we went to his place, to his room. We made out for quite a while, he had me against the wall," you start explaining, loving the attention of both of them and how they listen closely to your every word. "he took off my clothes, and then put me on his bed, on all fours..." It's like they're not even blinking, not wanting to miss a thing. "He ate me out like that... with that pretty face all over me"

"Shit" Steve mumbles.

"I came all over it too" I smirk and so does Eddie.

"You know how good she tastes" Eddie tells Steve and he nods.

"He took off his clothes then, making me stay in that position... and he fucked me" you tell him. "He left all these marks on me" you lower the neck of your shirt so they can see the purple and red marks.

"Fuck" Eddie shifts in his seat, uncomfortably, as he sees what he did to you. The tent in his pants is making them really tight and he can't sit still.

"And then he made me cum on his dick… and he came inside me" you finish the story.

Steve has the exact same problem as Eddie right now. Imagining everything you were telling him, the way you told the story, your voice, your eyes focusing on both of them at a time.

Now, you look at both your boys shifting in their seats, looking hot and bothered. You smirk.

"Is that what you wanted to know? Why are you so quiet now?" you tease them.

"You're getting a little too cocky now, princess" Eddie gets up and leans over on you. "Why don't we make it up for Stevie here? We were mean to him"

You nod, "let's go to my room" you offer and they both follow you.

As soon as you enter the room Steve starts kissing you. Eddie smirks and joins you quickly, he alternates on kissing Steve's and your neck, one kiss at a time.

You go to kiss the long-haired boy now, Steve growls and wastes no time in getting rid of some of your clothes. Your shirt; Eddie's jacket; his own shoes.

You stop kissing Eddie to look at both of them expecting their kiss. They take the hint and look at each other smirking. They grab each other's face at the same time and start making out.

Meanwhile, you decide to tease them. You take off the rest of your clothes by yourself. Bra, skirt, shoes, panties. And you decide to throw that last item at them, laying on the bed.

They both groan as they realize what you threw and when they see you all naked for them in the bed, with a big smirk that they then copy, getting on the bed with you.

Steve makes out with you as Eddie kisses you all over. Neck, breasts, belly, thighs. He might have been leaving some bite marks around as well.

When he gets comfy in between your legs, he dives in head first. Licking a long stripe of your cunt, swallowing, and then spiting on it. He makes out with your pussy the same way Steve makes out with your lips. The latter one also plays with one of your nipples meanwhile. Twisting it around his fingers softly and so deliciously.

With everything they're doing, you're already feeling hot and heavy.

The noises that all of you combined are doing help a lot too. The sounds coming out of Eddie's tongue against your wet cunt, and his occasional groans and chuckles. The heavy breathing of Steve. Your muffled moans that die on Steve's mouth. It's all helping your case.

Your hand flies to grab each mane of hair, as usual. One tugging on Steve's hair, the other on Eddie's. Pushing both of them impossibly closer to you. They both groan as they love the action.

Your legs fight to close around Eddie's head but his hands stop them, gripping them harder.

"You're gonna cum on his face?" Steve stops the kiss to whisper in your ear now, looking down at Eddie who seems very busy. "Cum all over that pretty face of his, look at him, so fucking pretty" he keeps rambling. "Come on, baby, make a mess of it, then maybe I'll lick it clean"

You moan at that, just imagining it.

"Oh God" you arch your back, both hands pushing Eddie even closer, you start moving your hips as you need against him. Surprisingly, he lets you do it with no problem. His moans dying on your cunt.

"Oh God, Yes!" you mumble more incoherent moans as you feel yourself come undone. A loud moan coming lastly to then fall completely on the bed, after the pleasure exploded inside of you.

Still feeling a tingle all over as you lie breathlessly on top of the sheets.

When you open your eyes again, you see your boys still having their fun. Steve does as he said and licks Eddie's cheeks and mouth glistening with your wetness. They make out as they take each other's clothes off clumsily.

Both are hard a rock, as they make out they can feel their erections crashing between them. Eddie grabs them together to then move his hand up and down, around them both.

"Shit"

"Ohh"

They both moan, Steve's head resting on Eddie's shoulder and Eddie looks down dumb at their dicks together.

You enjoy the show in front of you with a smirk, working you up again. Rubbing your legs together as you feel your pussy clench around nothing.

Eddie notices your movement and turns his head towards you to mimic your smirk. He whispers something on the other boy's ear and they stop. He crawls towards you till he's on top.

"How do you feel, pretty girl?" he asks with the smirk still on.

"Ready for more" you say as you wrap your arms and legs around him, bringing him closer. You start kissing, hungrily.

"So eager again? Someone's insatiable" Steve teases you.

"How are we doing this now?" you ask.

"I was thinking," Steve starts. "why don't you show me how good you two spent your night alone?"

"What?" Eddie asks.

"I'll watch you from here" he answers.

"Don't you want me to suck you off meanwhile?" you propose.

"Fuck, baby. You're so sweet," he strokes your cheek. "but I really want to watch you two. We have time to keep trying different things later, now that I know we'll be doing this again"

"And again, and again, and again" Eddie adds, grinning.

"I hope you're planning on doing this on different days too, because you'll kill me otherwise" you joke.

"Don't worry, pretty girl. We'll have a lot of time for that" Steve says, smiling.

"Alright. Ready, princess?" Eddie checks on you, bringing you closer.

"Very"

"Let's make a good show for our Stevie here, yeah?" he whispers and after you nod, you feel the head of his cock running up and down your cunt, making it already clench again.

He pushes it in slowly, enjoying the way you wrap him up. He stops midway, his hands grab your legs and places them on his shoulders. He looks right into your eyes as he fully enters you now.

"Ohhh" you let out, eyes rolling back.

Eddie fits so good inside you, filling you in all the right places.

"Shit, princess" he grabs your waist and starts moving, creating a rhythm. "That's it. You're so tight, shit"

"Fuck, Eddie" you arch your back, Eddie's pace feeling delicious.

"So good, so fucking good" he keeps it up.

You turn your head to look at your other boy sitting in the big bed, fisting his big cock slowly, biting his lip.

You keep eye contact with him as your face shows all the pleasure you're feeling right now. Steve eats it right up, going faster.

Eddie pace is faster now as well. Gripping your legs in place. Your hands go up, gripping the sheets as your whole body arches. The tip of his cock massaging right at your g-spot.

"Oh, Eddie" you scream now, biting your arm whose next to your head.

"You want something in your mouth, baby?" Eddie teases you. "Here" he puts his thumb in your mouth as he grips your chin to look up at him. "Good girl, wrapping me up so nice, so fucking nice baby. Never need another cunt, yours is the best one"

He alternates on looking at your face, sucking on his finger so dumb and pathetic, teary eyes fighting to not roll back all the time; at Steve, stroking his fat cock shamelessly, also ogling at him; or down at your pussy, swallowing his cock like the best, creating a creamy ring around it.

"Fuck, Eddie! More!" you beg.

"You want more? Such a dirty slut, so dumb and pathetic over my cock. You want it harder? Really rough?" he mocks you, only making you wetter.

He puts your legs around his waist now and really slams in and out of you, faster and harder.

"God! Eddie!" you scream, wrapping your legs around him really tight.

He lowers to kiss all over your chest and neck. Your hand now fly to his hair, pulling on it like you know he loves.

"You're close, aren't you, baby? Yeah, I can feel it" he teases as his hand lowers to abuse your clit some more.

"Fuck! Eddie! I'm cuming! I'm- ohh" you arch like a cat as you scream, cuming for him.

"That’s it, Atta girl" he moans, his pace now messier as he's reaching his high as well. "I'm right behind you, baby"

"Cum for me, Eds. Fill me up, please, I want it" you beg in his ear, knowing dirty talk is his weakness.

You feel long ropes shooting inside you, he falls on top of you, moaning your name.

"Shit, you're the fucking best baby" he lets out finally, all done. He pulls out, making sure nothing spills out and stays warm and full inside you. "Steve, come look at this" he orders and the other boy comes closer, watching as Eddie's cum fills you up, trying to fall out of you but Eddie puts it back in with his fingers.

"Fucking shit" Steve tugs harder at his cock.

"Fuck her tits" Eddie gives him the bright idea.

You sit up, Eddie behind you helping to push your tits together so Steve can fuck them. The head of his cock appearing and disappearing again in between your breasts.

"Oh God" he moans, right on the edge.

And after all of that, he finally cums. Shooting all over your chest, neck, and even on your face.

He falls back, catching his breath. Eddie licks some of the cum off of you to then kiss you.

Steve gets up and goes to the bathroom, coming back with a towel to clean you all up.

"Can you stand, baby?" he asks. You shake your head, legs feeling like gelatine.

"Let me take you to the bathroom" he carries you there, letting you pee and clean yourself. You also brush your teeth and open the door to see him waiting to carry you back to the bedroom.

Eddie tidied most of bed up, as much as he could. You bring both your boys to lay on each side of you, cuddling all together.

"Night, loves" you say.

"Good night", "Sleep well", they both wish.

And you all close your eyes thinking how the hell you got so lucky to have two of the best people in all of Hawkins to yourselves.

[specific-dreamer]

my baby, my baby (you’re my baby)

Summary: darry visits his dad and rants. he also cries. </3

Darrel loves each of his kids (and stray kids) equally. No matter how hard Steve tries to pry it out of him, he does not have a favorite.

He loved when Johnny came over for dinner and he’s able to convince the kid to spend the night, he loves when Soda and Steve came home with new stories about their day at the rodeo, he loved when he came home from work and Ponyboy would rush to tell him about the book he’d just finished, he loved attending Ace’s recitals, and he loved when Dally comes over just to sit in their company when he could’ve been causing a ruckus around town instead.

He is, however, a little more partial to his first born than the others. No hard feelings, he still loves his other kids, but Darrel Junior was his first child; the reason he’s the father he was a father, so he’s always going to have a soft spot for him no matter what he does.

Besides, it doesn’t hurt that Junior is the only one who visits him and Karen on a normal basis. Darrel huffs to himself has he sits on top of his grave. Since dying, he’s somehow gained an internal watch, so he knows it’s 3:47pm exactly; when Junior visits it’s usually around 4pm.

Junior’s early today though, Darrel thinks to himself hearing footsteps approaching. There’s not much else he can do but wait for Darry who bends in front of Karen’s grave and leaves her a flower first. If he were alive, Darrel’s heart might’ve clenched. Karen’ll be sorry he missed Darry, but she’s watching over the other boys right now; it’s alright though, Darrel will fill her in when she gets back.

Darry’s head was bent too low for him to get a good look at first, but now that he’s turned towards Darrel’s grave he can see the tears streaming down his face. If he still needed oxygen, he’s sure his breath would’ve caught.

“Hi, Dad,” Darry’s says taking a seat on the ground. Darrel can’t help but notice he’s got his knees pulled to him like he’s trying to protect himself.

He frowns and pulls himself to join Darry on the ground. Hey, kiddo. What’s the matter? He knows Darry can’t hear him, he learnt that the hard way a while ago now, it still brings him a little bit of comfort though.

Darry sniffs. “I don’t know how you and Mama did it.”

Did what?

Darry gestures in the air, “This parenting shit- stuff, I meant stuff, sorry.” Darrel laughs a little; his baby’s twenty years old and still apologizing for cussing.

If he’s honest, Darrel isn’t even sure how he did it. It was in large part thanks to Karen, of course, she kept him steady whenever he floundered. Junior also helped too, though. He doesn’t like to throw the word around, but for all intent and purposes, Darry was a perfect first child.

“The other night,” Darry continues. “I guess Ponyboy had a nightmare or something, I don’t know, but I heard him asking Soda why I hated him.” His voice breaks at the end and Darrel is forced to watch as Junior sobs into his arms.

It’s futile he knows, but after a moment of watching he hugs Darry anyway. Almost as if he could actually feel the hug, Darry stiffens before looking up and staring straight through Darrel. Spooky, he thinks.

“I don’t hate him, I promise.”

I know you don’t.

“I love him a lot, but it’s like he purposely grates my nerves. He knows I’m stretched thin and it’s like he’s trying to see how long until I snap. And that’s not fair! I don’t know how to be a parent, I don’t how to raise a fourteen year old!”

Darrel isn’t sure when it happened, but a flip was switched as Junior started to rant angrily. He doesn’t leave the cemetery too often, but when he did he noticed the two often riled each other up; it was never one sided. He can’t exactly correct Darry though so he hums instead.

“Daddy, you know when you first, um,” he winces. “left, Pony didn’t talk for a week. Okay, that’s fine, I can handle that, but he stopped eating too. I tell him, ‘Pony you have to eat something, you can only go so long without eating before you die from starvation.’ And I kid you not the only thing he says to me that entire week was ‘You’re not dad, Darrel, you can’t tell me what to do’. I never said I was! I just didn’t want him to die too, is that so bad?”

Darrel blinks. That was a lot, and he’s not really sure where to start processing it. He sighs airlessly, It’s not bad. You were worried about him and had his best interests at heart I get it. Is he eating now at least?

Just as fast as it came, the anger seems to leave Darry all once as he lies back on the grass with his hands over his face. “I don’t even know if he eating for real, yet. I’m not home enough to know; I eat my breakfast in the dark, go to work, come home when everyone’s asleep, eat dinner in the dark, go to bed, rinse and repeat.”

Darrel winces. Even he didn’t work those kind of hours and could’ve handled them. Darrel liked his solitude every now and then, but not Darry. No, not his Junior; his Junior is a people’s person through and through, there’s a reason he won boy of his year.

Rubbing Darry’s ankle he says, I know you’re working your ass off, but I’m real proud of you, baby. I know it don’t look it now, but it will all pay off.

There’s a pause, and if he wants he could trick himself into believing his boy heard him, before Darry says something so quietly Darrel has to strain to hear. “I know it’s wrong, and I try not to, but sometimes I wish I let them get taken. I love them, really I do! But Soda wants to drop out of school and Pony hates me and he thinks I hate him back, and don’t even get me started on Dallas— I don’t think there’s a been a weekend where we haven’t haven’t argued or he hasn’t been in jail. I’m trying my best, but I keep screwing up and that’s not fair on them.”

He breaks into sobs again, this time so strong his whole body shakes. Darrel can’t even do anything to comfort him, his stupid ghost body isn’t corporeal. The best thing he can do is stroke Darry’s hair and hope he knows his daddy is here for him. He hates seeing his kids cry and he’s never been more angry that he’s dead.

Between sobs Darry says, “I wanna leave. So I can’t mess anything else up.”

No, sir. You’ll get the hang of things soon enough, it’s a new adjustment and y’all’ve just gotta find your footing. I know it’s hard, but y’all will find it.

“I’m not gonna,” Darry protests. His baby is red in the face and breathing real hard, but Darrel is thankful is eyes are finally starting to dry. “I want to leave but I don’t want to leave them.”

So, what are you gonna do, Junior?

“I don’t know,” he answers. “I wish you were here, you’d know what to do.”

Darrel winces. Actually now-

“Well, never mind. You wouldn’t be dumb enough to get in this situation to begin with.”

Harsh, but he’s probably right. Darrel watches as the gears turn in Junior’s head. He loves all his kids equally, yes. But Darry’s always been his favorite to watch because when he isn’t focused he wears every emotion on his face. He can see exactly when Darrys made his mind up long before he stands up and dusts off his pants.

“You drive a hard bargain, but fine I’ll stay.” Darrel barks out a laugh as Darry checks his watch. It’s 6:29pm, he’s been here for nearly three hours. “Shit, I said I’d make dinner.” Somehow, when Darry looks up he’s staring Darrel in the eyes. “I’ve gotta run, but I’ll see you later.”

Alright, stay tough out there. I love you, kiddo.

Darry’s eyes widen a minuscule amount and he grins as he ducks his head. “Yeah, I love you too, daddy.”

[meglosthegreat]

Posting my Veilguard review here for posterity, since I think it sums up my thoughts on the game adequately (no spoilers here)

[text transcript under the cut]

Following the development of this game for the past 8 years or so, I never had very high hopes. With its constant reboots, changes of direction and management, and longtime devs quitting or getting fired, I thought it was going to be a mediocre game at best. But what we ended up with is so much worse than that.

About halfway through this year, after nearly a decade of hints and teases, they started marketing this game for real. They made sweeping promises about being heavily invested in their characters and writing, and early reviews claimed that this might be the best Dragon Age game ever. So me, fool that I was, dared to hope that actually, I might have been wrong and this game might really be *good.* And that's really what I'm angry about here. They took my expectations, which were low, raised them through the roof after years of absolutely nothing, and then dashed them so far down into the abyss that this franchise feels beyond hope of recovery.

The devs straight up lied to us, over and over, and when the *real* criticism - beyond the tired and predictable "game is woke!!!" complaints - started coming in, they doubled down, contradicted themselves and the writing in their own game, and failed to address anything in a meaningful or honest way.

I don't even blame the writers, not fully. It's clear that there were attempts to carve something that they cared about out of this shambles of a product designed as superficially and blandly as possible in order to cater to as many people as they could. It's not hard to spot the edges that have been sanded down again and again, removing anything that anyone, anywhere could possibly construe as something other than exactly what the devs intended. This game isn't unique in that sense at all - it's a pattern recurring throughout media nowadays. It's corporate therapy-speak and representation without depth, it's a mandate to appear as un-problematic as possible by painting everything in shades of either black or white.

To say that I am disappointed would be beyond understatement. Not only did they fail to create a good follow-up to the story they started in Inquisition, this game retcons, mocks, and retroactively makes worse everything that came before. I will continue to cherish the series that I love, but for me, Dragon Age ended back in 2015. Anything Bioware puts out hereafter will be a pale imitation of what it once was.

[call-sign-shark]

I know this has probably already been asked, but I'm méchante and need to make sure 😈. What happened between Heaven and Amos for her to want to murder whoever mentions his name in her presence 😳??

That question has been sitting in my draft for too long, but now that everyone knows about Amos I felt like it was the good moment to answer that. My apologies for keeping you waiting. 🖤

Since the very beginning of HYE there are tiny and hidden references to Amos. While Heaven is pretty much indifferent to people, his name makes her lose it instantly. And yet, she never talked about him. Ever. Even Arthur doesn’t now much except that she had a fiancé and that he used to gift her roses, hence the fact she hates these flowers. So, what happened?

Amos and Heaven have a complicated story. He fell for her instantly and gained her trust slowly. He took care of her the moment she needed the most, that is when she turned 17 and that all the trauma of losing her family jumped back to her face after years of burying it. She was lost, enraged and out of control. When she started to let him in, Amos did EVERYTHING for her. He literally saved her from herself. However, he was often blinded by his ambitions (just like Tommy) and, possessive as he was, he grew too controlling to her liking. Now that you have the full context, here are the three reasons behind her hatred:

1) She feels like he’s responsible for the monster she became. He was the one who helped her discover that she could hurt as much as heal. With her hands and her powers. He turned her into his pet murderer and always fed/encouraged her killer side. If Amos wanted someone wiped from the surface of Earth, he would send Heaven. Also, he was the one with who she crafted her abilities to manipulate. If you ask her, she would tell you that he corrupted her soul and turned her more of a monster that she already was. Encouraged her psychopathic nature. Somehow, Heaven thinks that maybe her eyes wouldn’t look so dead hadn’t she met him. (Let’s be honest, she was a monster before but he did make her worse)

2) He tried to assault her the day of their wedding when she said she wasn’t sure she wanted to marry him.

3) And finally… She hates him for making her fall hard. So hard that she cannot stand how weak she still feels when she thinks about him. So hard that the simple memories of his onyx eyes, sickly sweet smile and divine touch make her sick in the stomach. So hard that she often sees his little quirks in herself. He’s corrupting her, haunting her. He’s an infection. An open wound that would never heal. Yes, she hates him because she hates herself for still loving him and knowing that a huge part of her would desperately love and need him forever.

Tagging those who knows best about him: @justrainandcoffee @zablife @mischievouslittlecreature @peakyswritings @darklydeliciousdesires @evita-shelby

Heaven is Reader in the Arthur Shelby x Reader ongoing series Heaven in Your Eyes.

[runes-menagerie]

"Yes. I've been specifically crossbreeding plants to create new medicines. All the teas I've been giving you over the years are the results of my research. I can't offer a cure yet but... Well... All the tests seem to indicate that my newest mixture should significantly slow the progression if not outright halt it." Sky answered readily, trying desperately to convince to at least give it a try since unlike his research she was completely sure that her mixture was safe or she wouldn't be offering it to him.

"I have the mixture put together already. It would just need to be brewed just like any of the other medicinal teas I've given you. The dosage might need some adjusting but I have a starting dose in mind." She answered quickly, feeling her own hope begin to grow that he at least seemed to be considering trying her solution.

"According to the tests I've run, with the starting dose, you should begin to notice the effects within 48 hours of the first dose. You would need to drink the tea roughly every 8 hours but I can take care of that part." She added in the hopes that the speed of getting some results might encourage him to at least give her that time to prove the effectiveness.

She sighed in relief since it seemed like he was giving her research honest consideration and wasn't fighting her help as she feared he would with how he'd been acting lately.

"Of course. Anything you need Viktor. And I am working on a more permanent solution as well, this is just the latest step in that process. I'll gather everything up and have all my research and the medicine with me in the morning for you too look over. That way you'd be able to start the doses right away if you agree to it." She said with a warm smile, finally relaxing a little since this seemed to be going well and she had hope that it would continue to.

Viktor's head remained rested back against the couch, staring up at the incredibly high ceiling as if it would hold some kind of miracle. The distance between himself and the plain ceiling felt like how long he had left before he came to an abrupt end. Leaving nothing behind... Meaning very little to the world he was leaving.

As she spoke, he focused on her words instead, tilting her head slightly to better face her. He sighed initially as she spoke, seemingly distant and rather miserable, but his expression exchanged to one of more focus as she continued.

"Give me more time?" Viktor repeated, to ensure he heard correctly. As she continued on, he frowned slightly in thought. It sounded ideal, naturally, but how much time would this all take? Time he could be spending on what he felt was his only chance.

"...How long would it take to put a prototype together?" Viktor asked, rather quietly, trying not to get his hopes up too high. "I can give a look at what you have worked on, but I would need to prolong this end as soon as possible... But it would give me more time to fine tune my own experiments." 'Before I become too reckless...' He added, internally.

"And thank you, Sky... Not just for keeping this between ourselves for now, but for assisting me... Could I rely on you a little longer, to help me with my testing whilst seeing if your results work? I'll need a permanent solution, after all..."

[zemoiii]

INternet brainrot

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

I am now officially a whole two decades old

Everybody congratulate me on my two decades

[synobun]

WHATRE THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS!!! N o w !!! please :)

hi frogus i have never listened to a song in my life sorry bye

(ACTUALLY I LISTEN TO SO MUCH MUSIC ALL THE TIME. I AM IN THE TOP 1% OF LISTENERS ON SPOTIFY EVERY YEAR.)

Picking three can be dependent on the context! I am going to assume you mean all-time favourites, and I think these three are those:

[copia]

FOR THE LIGHT OF OUR SAVIOUR (SAVIOURRR) HIS MACHIAVELLIAN GRACEEE(GRAA AAA CE) AND IN THE SHEEN OF HIS SPLENDOUR (SPLENDOURRR) THERE IS A BETTER PLACEEEEE!!!!!! LETSGO

[thriftdyke]

.

[heyclickadee]

Trying to break the never drawing curse by doodling the sunshine space baby.

[taegularities]

i'm hurt 🥲

[reinemichele]

I swear I'm trying to type out the thing about my brain but I'm really not sure how much detail I feel comfortable going into... I used to be so open on here, but then uh, I had several big falling outs with friends and a couple of them started stalking me, so I left my blog on queue since 2014 and then stopped posting from 2016 to 2020. The only place I felt comfortable making posts relating to my personal life or mildly dissenting fandom-related posts was on a locked twt account with only 20-40 people on it.

Anyway, I'm Trying

[heartbeetz]

I'm not the kind of person who likes having fankids for my ships. So the thing about Amy (Anton's kid) is that she's not even really a fankid. She's just my version of his canon kid who 1) we haven't actually seen (only heard about) and 2) I made non-canon in my selfship outside of an au. Like I would NOT have designed her if "Anton's a single dad and his daughter is a little pink hedgehog girl named Amy (but definitely not That one. wink)" was not a running thing. Sorry Anton for un-canoning ur already ambiguously canon daughter