#my great grandmas love for them was most painful to see

[the-winds-of-destiny-xxx]

.

[sharky-teeth]

top dean/bottom sam fics that perfectly exemplify why bottom sam is the best (the list got kind of super long because i'm just too passionate about this topic):

take the things you love by hathfrozen: i think everybody and their grandma knows this one but i had to include it, this is our gospel. literally changed my life.

mommy dearest by tradwifesam: if you don't like feminization, read this and see the vision.

Softly, as a morning sunrise by LaughableLament: one of my go-to authors for fun and short PWPs.

Noise Complaint by formalizing: a lesson on how to make a thousand words count!

Coast On Through by philalethia: this actually contains switching, but when i tell you it has some of the best samdean scenes ever...

Feel About the Same Most Every Day: pining that you can feel in your bones.

Like a Machine by ani_coolgirl: camboy!sam perfection.

Untouchable for Life by Sintari: another one for my camboy!sam enthusiasts.

Undertow by Molly: starts out angsty and ends with psychic sex vibes, what's not to love?

Birthday Boy by DickBaggins: sam's ass is dean's birthday present, need i say more?

Keeping it Clean by themegalosaurus: swesson filth <3

this thing, for which we break by orbiting_saturn: intense and intimate, as PWP as it comes.

Sweltering by WhoopsOK: brothers with benefits done right. slutty sam as a treat!

weecest:

With A Bit Of Spit And Luck by elsi: in my top 5 weecest of all time, which is saying something because the competition is crazy.

Bulletproof by road_rhythm: gunplay! incredible characterization, if you have a kink for guilty dean who's unable to stop himself, and pushy sammy, this is the one.

Heart of Worms by Ninni: very moody, and beautifully written.

Petulant by formalizing: another short read that hits all the right spots and leaves you wanting more.

and all is right in Dean's world by ladygizarme: loved dean's characterization here, he left me feeling unsettled.

for those like me who need some jokes with your p*rn:

The Koala Conundrum by De_Nugis: (mentions of switching) to this day, one of the most unique & refreshing stories i've read, an absolute masterpiece.

the one with aphrodisiac: this one managed to be hilarious and hot in equal measure, an amazing feat.

Incidentally, It Was Christmas by ani_coolgirl: one of my favorite fics of the year! ani's humor is impeccable! if you also believe in the sam-sexual dean truth, this is a must read.

Tongue-Tied by ADeedWithoutaName: cursed!dean unable to speak, and sam speaking for both of them, you know where this goes...

Dicks in a Box by fictionallemons: buried alive and how do sam and dean decide to spend their time? it ain't cuddling!

Versatile, Tender and Delicious by themegalosaurus: improper use of a zucchini. read and find out.

for my omega sam lovers:

Five Weeks & its sequel Three Weeks Too Late by rei_c: probably my favorite wincest a/b/o of all time! i could've read 100k of this universe, loved the details put into it.

A Blind Fool's Luck by hellhoundsprey: this is also a favorite! i remember the tension in this fic had me dizzy. this author has an incredible way with descriptions, vivid and unique writing style.

Phantom Pain by hellhoundsprey: weecest! love their dynamic here so much, great blending of a/b/o traits while keeping them in character.

Clover by hellhoundsprey: perfectly done late seasons getting together! with the right amount of schmoop. clearly this author is very dear to me lol

know the feeling by sammyatstanford: this is the longest work in this list, around 40k words, and so worth it! really enjoyed the worldbuilding.

now to my favorite flavor (bottom sam with a side of delicious angst):

Lesser Evils by Dyed_Red: [non-con] not for everyone, but definitely for me. if you love samdean at odds and suffering, this will push all the right buttons. life-changing fic.

Is It Tomorrow (Or Just the End of Time) by elsi: the angst here is so glorious. from beginning to end it's angst, angst, then more angst. there is no resolution to their issues, and i love that.

Collision Course by lovetincture: one of the most believable first time stories i've read, spot on characterization and raw descriptions. didn't shy away from the ugly side of incest.

You can run away with me any time you want by Trojie: sam leaving for stanford fic! oh this one hurts like a motherfucker. there's a line in here that's so beautiful, it lives in my brain.

his skin barely keeping him inside by hathfrozen: another banger by hathfrozen, i have a weak spot for first time in a long time stories.

No such thing as Forgiveness by hellhoundsprey: lawyer!sam getting his life sent off track when big brother comes back to the picture... the unhealthy dynamic here is to die for.

Blood sacrifice sex magic type of thing by Goshen: sam performing ritual sex to cure his demon brother... as he should.

Worship Not These False Idols by killabeez: ruby fucking sam while pretending to be dean. as amazing as it sounds.

Circles of Light by WhoopsOK: there is a "Magical Healing Ass" tag. enough said

end of list! i tried to only include works with less than 10k hits here, so someone might find something they haven't read before. i didn't include warnings, so definitely check out the tags first. all these fics are seriously amazing, i hope more people will read these gems <3

[mochinomnoms]

Thinking about the Tweels parents reacted to them bringing home a partner, think of how excited mama Ashengrotto will be when Azul brings home his mate. After seeing Azul alone, depressed, and self-loathing for so many years, seeing him have the confidence to bring home his mate. If he is in his Merform she is even more thrilled. When she sees them comfort and hug him and allows Azul to cling to them she may faint. If/when they get married, you know she is throwing the biggest wedding reception in her restaurant. Yuu’s dress or tux, completely covered no matter the cost, all food, covered. She is just happy that her son found someone and Mr. Ashengrotto has to hold her back and keep her from squeezing Yuu to tight out of joy. She would also drop hints that she would be a great grandma and show you how cute Azul was in all his baby pictures.

Azul would probably die of embarrassment when his mom shows baby pictures and when they are finally alone (thanks to Azul’s Stepdad reminding her she has a Business to take care of) he finally relents:

“I’m sorry, she is just excited to meet you,” Azul has yuu curled in his many arms inside his octopot.

“Is she the reason you waited so long to introduce me to your parents?”

“Yes… also she has three books full of photos hidden in the house I can’t find and my step-father won’t tell me where they are. They just appear when guest come over and disappear when I try to burn them later.”

“Well, we are meeting your Grandma tomorrow so things should be better there!”

Azul groaned.

“More picture books?”

“Six books. I have no clue how she got half of those photos, I think she hired the tweels behind my back!”

She's so happy upon learning about Azul's partner. Ms Iris Ashengrotto is a sweet woman whose restaurant started from the bottom to become a renounced, exclusive dining experience that only the most wealthy, prim and proper folks under the sea could have the privilege of eating. It's why the Ashengrottos and the Leech family have worked together for so long, it makes a fine establishment for their… “business” deals. She's what we would equate to Gordon Ramsay, really: no-nonsense, with strict and high expectations in her kitchen. Similarly, she is oh so sweet with children, her own especially.

So it was a pain to watch Azul grow up so lonely, though she could never get him to tell her why. Iris assumed that it was due to bullying, most merfolk are not kind to cecaelias, but she couldn't go off and scare random children into not interacting with her son. Nor could she talk to their parents without knowing for sure if that was the case, or if her son was just naturally shy. It didn't help her worries when her son got skinner and skinner, thinking she didn't notice him look at his body in the mirror as he poked and prodded at what little fat remained on him.

She took comfort when the Leech parents sent their twins off to keep Azul company, though he didn't seem to warm up to them for quite some time. Even when he went to NRC with the twins, opening his own establishment, Iris was still concerned about him making friends. It's why she was so pleasantly surprised to hear from her son during his second year about his partner. He's shyly gushing about you to him, a magicless human that slithered their way into his locked up heart. With the way he describes you, like you hung the moon and starts, she's already planning a wedding in her head.

It takes some nudging after that to get him to bring you for a visit, but he eventually did over the summer break. Oh, she was delighted to see his limbs unconsciously curl around you, holding you close as you curled into him yourself. You were so cute! A sweetheart! A delight! A perfect child-in-law! Azul, please forgive her if she starts sobbing, but how else is a mother supposed to react when she sees her child gaze at someone with so much love in their heart?

The first day she's monopolized your time, feeding you and Azul all sorts of food and snacks, offhandedly mentioning that the two of you would have to fatten up a bit to give her health grandchildren. She had to withhold a laugh at Azul's mortified expression. Iris has several albums of baby and childhood pictures, eager to coo over how cute and chubby Azul was as a baby. Her son is sulking at the other end of the couch, but he still has a tentacle curled around your ankle, never leaving you for long.

It's when she's hiding away her album (one of three, Azul's destroyed many be she always has spares), that she overhears your conversation. Iris had stopped by his bedroom to let you two know that she needed to return to the restaurant, but instead quietly delighted at the sight of you two in his octopot. A cecaelia's octopot, hiding place, is a very private and intimate place. So seeing you, cradled in Azul's lap, as his many arms hold you close to him, makes her heart swell.

She decides to leave you two alone, taking one last peek as you giggle at a pouting Azul, before sharing a soft kiss. Iris is smiling at the sight, sighing as she can finally relax, knowing her son is going to be taken care of.

[ssparksflyy]

Hiii I hope you are having a great day!! I was wondering if you could make another percy jackson x daughter of Hecate reader? If you don’t/ can’t do it that’s fine I just though i would ask.

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

percy jackson dating hcs ! *ੈ✩‧₊˚

pairing: percy jackson x latina!daughter of hecate!reader warning(s): swearin an: dw i got ur 2nd request that u wanted reader to be latina :)) i just added in some little things that tie in ♡♡ srry if these are short btw </3

in the dead of night, your eyes so greennnnnnnn

you and percy tend to stay up later than most of camp

your always up and out after curfew

you js function better at night okay

me asf

the day is reserved for lake dates and the night is reserved for sky watching dates ♡♡

youre literally attached by the hip if you couldnt tell

as they say in waitress, i love you means your never ever getting rid of me ♡

you usually watch from the roof of cabin 3, just cuddled up and sharing a blanket

but once percy suggested you watch from the docks

and you were like oh!

not actually but you looked really hesitant

he was like whats wrong??

so you told him about la llorona !! #coquette

it was so preppy

but now youre both scared to go to the lake at night

even though yk shes not real

and youve literally been through tartarus

and back

and you face unimaginable horrors every day

and percy's literally the son of the sea god

mexican folklore is scary ok yall

idc if it didnt scare you as a kid / you like horror

I DONT

IM TRAUMATIZED

MY GRANDMA PUT ON LA LEYENDA DE LA LLORONA WHEN I WAS FIVE AND I HAVENT KNOWN A DAY OF PEACE SINCE

sorry for trauma dumping yall

kinda silly how some story about a lady who drowned her kids is enough to make 2 of camp half blood's strongest soldiers shake in their boots

so u stick to rooftops ♡

you and hazel are bestiessss

shes a honorary member of cabin 20 of course

you exchange tips and tricks, hazel telling you about the things she saw hecate do and the things she said to her

and you tell her about the things youve picked up over the years :))

percy cant help but smile whenever he sees you two together

he sees hazel as a sister

(yall remember in son when he was ready to fight somebody for her or something like that i dont remember exactly what he said but i do know he was ready to fight)

and ur his fav girl ever ♡

his heart just feels warmed

same way he feels when he sees you playing with estelle

you show her a bit of ur powers and she flips outtttt

she asks sally to be a witch for halloween because "i want to be just like (y/n)!!!"

dont know about yall but if i went home and my family found out i was involved with ~brujeria~ i would not be accepted at home (please read as if youre white and cant say shit in spanish)

thats just the mad religious side talking dont worry yall

but sally and paul would literally let you in with open arms

the jackson's apartment is your second home

percy has a drawer reserved for your clothes in his room ♡♡

he loves it when you sleepover, at home or at camp

he absolutely adores kissing your hands

he doesnt care about the dangers you can produce from them, he'll kiss em allllll he wants

you could be cuddled up together, ur reading to him and he just grabs one of your hands and begins to leave a trail of kisses up your arm, shoulder, neck, cheek, and eventually leaving one on your temple

it just gets you like 😵��💫

he loves his badass girlfriend, okay?

literally your #1 fan

would beat up anybody who talks shit !!!

tea is your holy ground ♡

because you cant drink coffee

cause ya know, adhd, youll just end up knocking out

though you do drink it when you cant fall asleep at night

its me, hi

and hot chocolate is strickly an only-in-december drink, because then it wont hit in december, since you had it earlier in the year

(my mom does that with gorditas and tamales broooo its painful)

so ya drink tea!

i dont drink tea, so im not even gonna try to tell you what his favorite is

he likes whatever you like

but you try a bunch of different teas and stuff together :)

youd probably adopt a black cat together when youre older

youre never gonna beat your neighbor's witch allegations

(probably because theyre true but youll obviously never say that)

i feel like percy would be more of a dog person but lets be real, he likes horses.

fuckin horse girl smh

but that does not mean he wouldnt love and care for the cat

he'd so let you stop to pet any stray cat you see on the street

takes pictures of the cat anytime you do ♡

you cook together !!

you teach percy a bunch of different recipes and stuff :)

has a 'kiss the cook' apron 100%

and what can ya say, you gotta kiss the cook

man you guys manage to stay silly throughout the horrors, we love

[livlaughloveluke]

𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫- 𝐣.𝐜

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you meet jack’s family for the first time at thanksgiving dinner

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: i COMPLETELY made up the members of his family, mentions of thanksgiving although if you don’t celebrate its only briefly mentioned so you can just imagine its a regular dinner ☺️

𝐚/𝐧: happy thanksgiving to those who celebrate! j will most likely not be posting until this sunday, although it might vary

you finished your light makeup by applying a swipe of lipgloss. your auburn dress was the perfect length, being both cute and appropriate for the occasion. you were going to have thanksgiving dinner with all of jacks family. 

there was one issue. in your six months of dating, you had never met anyone related to him. you would have liked to meet his mom earlier, but got as a rising actress, you got caught up in work and were constantly traveling to different states for events. however, from what jack described, she seemed precious. 

but what if she didn’t like you? what if something goes wrong and you embarrass yourself in front of everyone? oh god, this dinner was really messing with your head. 

“you almost ready, babe?” jack exclaims from the other room. you slip on your shoes and exit your bedroom, entering the living room where jack was. he was wearing a sweater that matched the color of your dress, and a pair of jeans.

jack stands up, and kisses your forehead. “you look good, y/n. my family will love you.” jack said, making you blush. his charm never failed to make you smile. 

you hop in jacks car, leaving your hotel room. you bounce your leg up and down, nerves taking over you. jack places his hand on your thigh, the coldness of it sending shivers down your spine.

“seriously y/n, don’t stress. if it makes you feel better, you are a lot better than my last girlfriend.” he said to you.

he was right, his last relationship had been a little rocky, and the girl he was dating wasn’t exactly the nicest person out there. it pained you to know that someone could be so mean, especially to jack.

jack was the sweetest boy, who treated you with the respect that you lacked from other guys. he stood with you at your lowest points in life, and helped you grow as a person. you flourished during your relationship with him, becoming the best version of yourself.

and you helped jack, too. when he was alone and heartbroken, you swooped in and provided the love he so desperately deserved. when he fell down, you were always there to help him get back up. he was happier and better person with you around.

the car came to halt, as you pulled into the driveway of a small cozy home. a few other cars were already there, and you presumed that it was his family. 

from what you heard, his aunt and uncle would be there, along with his older brother and his brothers wife. his grandma and grandpa would unfortunately not be attending, for they had caught a mild cold the day before. his sister-in-law had two daughters, one newborn and one six year old. you were great with kids, so they wouldn’t be an issue. you had spent your teenage years as a summer camp counselor.

you took a deep breath, and stepped outside of the car. jack interlocked your hands, and you both walk up to the door. he didn’t have to knock, and just walked in. everyone looked to see who it was, and when they did, a roar of greeting came from the crowd. jack hadn’t visited his hometown in a while, so there enthusiastic reactions weren’t unexpected.

the family then turned their attention to you, and you greeted them with a smile on your face. they smiled back, and started welcoming you.

“this is my girlfriend, y/n!” jack introduces you, and you start shaking everyones hands. you then got everyones, except the kids, names. jacks sister-in-law was named jessica, his aunt was shannon, his uncle brian, and his older brother was named joey. 

then, jacks mom, anna, invites you, jessica, and shannon come help set up. jack heads off to the living room with the boys, and the rest follow anna to the kitchen.

“so, how long have you and jack been dating?” his mom asks, and you immediately reply with a joyful tone. 

“around six months. i wish i could have met you sooner, but i’ve been nonstop traveling for work. also might i add, you did an excellent job raising him. he’s the sweetest and most caring boy i know.” 

“you’re to kind! now tell me about yourself!” anna replies, and you start informing the group of your origin. you share silly stories about jack, and laugh uncontrollably together while finishing dinner.

you hear the shy voice of a young girl coming from the doorway, and look over to see jessica’s oldest daughter walking in. she walks over to her mommy, and tugs on her dress. the bashful kid whispers something into her mothers ear, and they both look at you. you start to feel slightly embarrassed, worried as to what they were talking about.

“oh, thats uncle jacks girlfriend, y/n! why don’t you go say hi. i’m sure she doesn’t bite.” jessica says out loud, and your cloud of worries clear up.

she walks up to you, and you squat down to her height. you can tell she’s a little nervous, and you try your best to seem welcoming.

“hi! i like your dress. its very pretty.” the young girl whispers out.

“thank you! i love your hair! it looks super cute.” you respond back, and she giggles and thanks you.

“do you wanna play barbies with me in the play room?” she asks, and you look back, making sure it’s okay that you stop helping with the food. everyone nods and encourages you to go with the small child, so you follow her to where her toys where.

you sit down, and she gives you a doll. you start playing with her, and the girl, evelyn, seems to be having a blast. you giggle and joke with her, glad you can get along with her.

“shhh you can’t tell uncle jack i said this, but he told dad that he really, really likes you. and he also said you’re the prettiest and funniest girl he’s ever met.” evelyn informs you, and you can’t help but blush. you continue chatting with her, now seeming to be a little more at ease.

anna calls the guys to the dining room, for dinner was almost ready. however, before she sends jessica to grab you and evelyn, she begins to say something to jack and the rest of the family.

“you know, i really like her. i think she’s the one.” everyone agrees with anna, and praises  you for your generosity and amazing personality. jack loves hearing the groups words of approval, and he smiles, knowing you were definitely liked by his family. 

the feast begins, and you chat with everyone in attempt to get to know them better. it was an excellent dinner. the food was amazing and the conversations were plentiful. time flew by, and before you knew it, you were saying your goodbyes.

as you drove back to the hotel, you and jack began talking. you couldn’t up but light up at his words.

“i think they really like you, y/n.” 

taglist- @nowitsmissing, @nikoschrissis, @lvndryyhoe, @ieattoesforbreakfqst, @sevenheavxns, @wonderstruck4llthew4yhome, @imkillmyselfxoxo, @lumaxstans-blog, @ilovejackchampionnn, @hyeyulove, @jackchampiongf13, @sebastiansallowsgf, @michaelangdonsslut, @1212valee, @teenagedramaqueenlisa

some names wouldn’t let me tag :(

[its-in-the-woods]

Coyote Head - Part 1 - Sharp pain of greif

master list

Pairing: Cooper Howard x Lucy Maclean 

Alternative Universe where I make things up cause I ca

Synopsis: An old farm set on a couple hundred acres of land, surrounded by forest and wildlands. Lucy Maclean is now the new owner of her childhood home, much to her family’s dismay and anger. The land doesn’t feel the same without her Granddaddy around, the woods seem darker and much more vast. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s alone in the middle of nowhere for the first time in her life. Her great uncle Harris has stepped up to help her learn the ropes of the business, which is bigger than Lucy ever imagined. 

Her neighbor Cooper Howard, is happy to meet a new face in the area. Bonding over their shared grief and strife to make ends meet as the world is changing. Their worlds are shaken when Lucy’s home is vandalized, and secrets that were supposed to be buried forever begin to emerge from the woods.  Horror, mystery, and drama all rolled into one. There is something in the woods.

MINOR GET OUT. Rating/Warning:  Alternative Universe, Slow Burn, Death, Aging, Family Feuding, Eventually: Older Man/Younger Woman, Horror themes, long form fic,

Note: that I will not be spoiling any of the reading. So you have been warned. I will keep my tags relevant without spoiling what is happening in the story.

Grandpa Tim passed yesterday, as much as Lucy wanted to say it was peaceful, it wasn’t. The man had always been tough as nails, but cancer was tougher. Though Lucy had fought hard to keep him comfortable, there was only so much the Doctors could do. His hand gripping hers as he gasped for breath, feeling his heart rate speed up as his body tried to fight it. But he had signed a DNR, there was no going back. So Lucy sat there with tears in her eyes as she watched the man who had raised her slip away. One of the nurses hugged her and told her she was brave. Brave for letting him go, for letting him finally be at peace. Lucy stayed as they loaded him up onto a stretcher to be taken to the funeral home. Remembering the disappointment on his face when they told him he wouldn’t be a viable organ donor. The cancer had spread too fast and too far for anything to be usedable. It was a final sting, knowing that his body wouldn’t even be able to help others. 

-----

The funeral was big, with everyone within ten counties coming over to say farewell to their favorite farmer. Tim had lived here his whole life and was born on the property where he raised his kids and grandbabies. His wife, Lucy’s Grandma, Shirley was buried in the same plot he would be now. Shirley had died six years ago after undergoing a complicated heart surgery. Now they could be back together again. It was one thing Tim had talked about the most as he neared his final days, how excited he was to see Shirley again. He often pondered if he would wake up in heaven and if she would look as pretty as the day she met him. Or maybe she looked as beautiful as the day she passed. 

Tears flowed all around, Tim was as big as life. He was always the first to help. Wildfire? He'd be there with his tanker trailer, pump, and hoses. Cow with a calf stuck?  He knew how to move the calf just right to get them out. Farmer got hurt? He was there with his tractor to make sure the work still got done. The school needs sponsorship? He'd be the first to give his dollar. He was a salt of the earth man. Tim was from this earth. As he was raised down into his grave, Lucy pulled out a mason jar of dark black earth. He had told her exactly where to go to get it. A little bit from the garden that Shirley had loved, a little bit from around where his favorite animals were buried, and a little from the first piece of land he had ever worked into a field. He wanted to make sure that a piece of the land he loved would be buried with him. 

Lucy could barely hold back the sob as she opened the jar and carefully sprinkled it on top of his grave. Others joined in, some had flowers, and others had their own dirt. A bundle of dried wheat, some oats, canola oil, and a pair of cow ear tags. As the items dropped the feeling of finality swept over Lucy. He was really gone. The man who had supported her through everything over the last twenty-five years was now in a box. Surrounded by the things and people he loved. On his right the love of his life Shirley, and on the left the two sons he had to bury before him. One was Lucy’s Dad, his headstone is where she went, placing another small jar of dirt beside it. Tears ran down her cheeks as she said how much she missed him, and that he needed to give Grandpa a big hug for her. 

—-

“I am not sure why there is even a discussion happening.” Shrilled Henry, the last-born son of Tim MacLean. He was a fidgety bird-like man who had been all too happy to get off the shit-hole farm. His words. 

“I am the only son, so clearly it should go to me,” Henry pipped, examining his perfect nail beds.

“Why would you think Dad would want you to have the farm? You haven't been here since Mom died.” Katie scolded. A favorite daughter, but still a middle child. She was a petite woman who had married a chicken farmer down south, she wasn't frequent to the farm but she always had made sure to phone once a week.

“Katie, you don't got much to say,” Theresa quipped, she was the eldest of six kids. She was three times divorced and spent most of her time in Europe. “You got your own farm and your own land.”

“Never said I wanted the land, Theresa,” Katie bit back at her older sister. “Just figured it should go to someone who could use it.”

“Who says I wouldn't use it?” Henry joined in, “I know plenty of people who would be happy to help.”

“Oh yeah, I am sure your closet of boy toys could be persuaded to help.” Theresa sneered, making Martha, Henry's wife, gasp.

“How dare you!” Martha gasps clutching at her purse.

“Don't you start, Theresa!” Henry added, grabbing his wife's hands and glaring at Theresa.

A roar began in the small waiting room. People arguing and yelling, and a magazine went flying. Lucy tried to tuck herself away from the madness. She was the only Grandkid there and the ‘adults’ were losing it.

“Alright.” A big man in overalls and a brown shirt stood up. Great uncle Harris MacLean, Tim's second youngest brother. The man was imposing and loud, and easily commanded the room. Making sure everyone settled back in their chairs without more damage. 

“What would your father think of all of you? Damn shame. Fighting over what isn't even yours.”  Harris came over and put a comforting hand on Lucy’s shoulder. 

“None of you were here when your Dad got sick. Didn’t hold his hand when he passed. When he asked for your Mama. But y'all sure show up looking for another handout.” Harris sat down beside Lucy. “Pretty sure the will has all the answers.”

The couples and their lawyers murmured between themselves.  Eyes glaring at each other from across the room, the coffee table scatters different papers.

“You doing alright Lucy?” Harris asked, glaring at his relatives, his voice low enough that only she could hear him. 

Lucy shrugged, “Was hoping it would be smoother.” Hoping was one thing, it was another to have this many MacLean's in one room.

“Thought your Mom would have come down.” Harris let out a huff, watching all his shifty relatives closely. 

“She's busy in Mexico with her latest fling.” Lucy sighs shifting uncomfortably in her seat, why were waiting room chairs always so uncomfortable? 

“Of course she is. Oh, Rosealy, you were never much for settling down.” Harris sighed, big hands rubbing against his dirty jeans. Margie would be pissed to know he showed up at the lawyers in stained clothes.

A striking man walked into the room, he was wearing a pinstripe grey suit that matched his silver hair. He was all long legs and a lean figure, the suit made him look imposing. Looking at the room taking in the rag-tag bunch and disheveled coffee table.  

“I am guessing you all are the Maclean family?” He says, a faint hint of British accent tinging his voice. 

“Yes that would be us,” Henry chirped, his eyes wandering over the man. 

The man let out a sigh, “Well I suppose if you are all here, we will read the will. I'm positive we do not have any other space-” He glanced around, “For everyone.” 

Lucy stood up and handed the man a folded envelope. The man opened it and read it through before reading it out loud. 

“Here is the Last Will and Testament of Tim Louise MacLean, of Rosewood, I make this will being in sound mind and body.” The man continued, going through the document quickly. “I leave an account to each of my five grandchildren held in trust till they turn eighteen. To my last daughter Lucy Rose MacLean, I leave all my property, and worldly possessions, as well as give her exclusive access to my accounts. To the rest of my children, I ask that you remember that you never had a want in this world. From schooling to houses, and though I love you into entirety. Lucy was my first grandchild, and my last child to raise, the one who loved the farm more than me or Shirley ever could. She will be the one to make any decision regarding the property and finances. “ 

Lucy’s mouth had fallen open as the room had erupted in an outcry. Her heart pounded in her chest at the realization that Grandpa had left everything to her. She watched as Tim’s kids stood and demanded that the will be read again. That their lawyers would have to read it, Henry going so far as to say he would contest it in court. 

“If everyone would please be quiet,” The man in the suit hollered, loud enough to be heard over the commotion. The room fell silent as they all turned to look at him. “I understand this can be hard news for everyone. But this will was originally formed a decade ago, it has been updated yearly. Including 6 months before Mr. MacLean’s diagnosis. I can assure you that he was of sound mind, it was notarized and signed by three separate witnesses.” 

Henry was sitting with his arms crossed, Theresa looked close to tears, Katie was bright red, and Great Uncle Harris just looked amused. 

“You are all within your legal rights to try and take this to court. But, I can assure you no judge in the area would not dismiss this case outright.” He made sure to look at each of them in the eye.

“As for Ms. Lucy MacLean. I have a large amount of paperwork to go over with you. As well as an appointment with the bank.” His green eyes locked on to Lucy’s.

“May I bring my Uncle Harris with me?” Lucy asked, her hands tight fists in her lap.

“Yes, of course, love.” The lawyer said, before turning on his heel and walking down a hallway.

----

It took three weeks to finalize everything, Henry had gone to the court, and he had tried several times, unsuccessfully to get the will reexamined. At the same time, Lucy was engulfed by phone calls, emails, and more. Most of these were tenants of Tim wanting to sort leasing arrangements, others were about moving cattle to new grazing homes. Lucy was never more grateful for her Uncle Harris, he had known most of these men and women. Was able to handle the negotiations and fill Lucy in on what she needed to do regarding cattle, seeding, planting, and more. There was also opening up the house again. When Tim had gone into hospice,  Lucy, Margie, and Harris had taken time to go through things. Tim had not had many worldly possessions, a fire had taken most of that less than five years before. But things like a new mattress, power hooked up, gas running, and the wood stove inspected all needed to be done. 

Lucy sat in the middle of a mostly empty house. She had decided at the last minute to leave her job as an x-ray tech and move to the farm. It wasn’t ideal, but she also had come into a fair sum of money. Her Grandpa had been a smart man and a frugal one too. He had kept most of his and Shirley’s money tucked away in investment accounts that had built a neat little sum of cash. Shirley had always wanted to travel once they had retired, so she had also stashed money away as well. It hurt Lucy’s heart knowing that they had never gotten to do that. 

But now it was in her hands, sort of kinda, she had leaned heavily on her Uncle Harris. He was so incredibly kind and made sure she never felt stupid about the millions of questions she asked. The first year they were leasing almost everything, the hundred head of cows Grandpa still had would be taken care of by Cooper, a neighbor down the way. Lucy had given herself two years to get herself sorted and get more acquainted with the workings of the farm. 

It wasn’t that she hadn’t known how to do things, she could run a tractor, cut down trees, med fences; she knew how to preg check cows and what to look for when tilling a lot. But the business end of things was a whole different ball game and she was diving headlong into it.

The trailer was doublewide, the living room had a couch and lazy boy, and the kitchen had a table with 4 chairs. The walls were mostly bare except where Lucy had put her artwork. She had also moved a handful of bookshelves in and her desk. It was surprisingly roomy and beat her eighties-era apartment she had lived in for the last five years. She had slid the desk and table together spreading out all the different pieces of paperwork, along with a large map of where all Grandpa’s property was. Her property, she corrected herself. It was hers now, somehow. Where she lived she was surrounded by almost 200 acres of forested land backed onto parkland. Besides the garden beds, barn, and shop it was wild land. It was one thing that Grandpa had asked to stay the same. That the land around the property be left untouched by man or machine, she planned to keep it that way. Even when several large logging companies had called knocking, for Lucy her grandfather's words meant everything.

A knock on the front door woke her from her musing. She also needed to go get a couple of dogs, not just for company; but also so she knew if someone was coming down the long drive. She walked over to the front door, steeling herself to be met with another person wanting to buy or hunt on the land. Opening it she was surprised to see a man standing there in a cowboy hat, fitted jeans, and button-up shirt. Scruffy face with a day’s worth of stubble, bright hazel eyes, and a blinding smile.

“Good afternoon,” The man said with a nod, “I’ve come over to introduce myself -’

“If you’re looking for hunting, logging, buying, grazing, or leasing, I am not interested,” Lucy said curtly, she really didn’t have a lot of time to dally. 

“Oh no,” The man said, holding up a large hand, “I am the neighbor down the road with your Granddad’s cows. And a friend of your Uncle Harris’. He said that you’d moved in just down from me, so figured it was only neighborly to come say hello.”

Lucy’s shoulders sagged a bit, she had gotten so used to people wanting something from her she had forgotten that most folks out here were friendly.

“I am so sorry,” Lucy sighed, “It’s been a tough month. Been a lot of folks wanting a piece of what’s not theirs.”

The man nodded, “I can only imagine. Not many people have morals these days. If there is a buck to be made they’ll take it. My name’s Cooper.” 

He extended a hand, and Lucy took it and gave him a firm handshake. “Lucy, I am Tim’s Granddaughter.”

“Pleasure to meet yah,” Cooper said with the same grin. “Tim was a good man and talked very highly of his last daughter. You meant the world to him.”

Lucy gave a half-hearted smile, it still felt so wrong that her Grandpa was gone. “Do you want to come in? I can make some coffee?”

“Oh, I will take a raincheck on that. Gotta go check on our newest heifers, see who all needs taggin’ and whatnot.” He said a small grin tugging at his mouth. “Want to come?”

Lucy looked back at the table full of papers, “I am gonna have to pass today,” She could see some disappointment flicker across his features. “But let me give you my number,”

A smirk tugged at the corners of his lips as he dug into his jeans for his phone, the two of you exchanging numbers. 

“Just in case, umm, you need help with the cows” Lucy felt a bit flustered, “Never know.”

The man smiled and tipped his hat to her, “I will see you around Lucy.”

part 2

** If you enjoyed the fic let me know!

** Want to be on the tag list let me know

** Yes this is fic number 3 please don't yell at me. I've had this one sitting for a while. Will mostly likely be updating this one once/twice a week along with all the others.. I DON'T NEED SLEEP. Sleep is for the dead.

[wolverinesleftclaw]

Hey sweetheart! 😘 I hope I can ask for an Elijah Mikaelson imagine where you both fell in love during the events in Mystic Falls, even though he never wanted to show feelings again, but he couldn't help when he met you. So you started dating and he's always making sure you're okay and it's all just great. That changes when Klaus comes to town and sees you with Elijah. He kidnaps you to hurt his brother and Elijah gets furious. He finds you, but you're pretty hurt and barely alive, so he needs to make a decision and turns you in the end. After you wake up he's there for you and promises to be with you forever and you're accepting your new life ?

Hope this is okay with you 🫶🏼

Save Me

18+ —— (masterlist)

He was going to be your downfall. You already knew that, but what you didn’t expect was for you’re fate to be in his brothers hands.

⋆˚✿˖° Thank you for the request my love @talesofreading ! I literally spent days working on this for you so i sincerely hope you love and enjoy every second of it. I also left it open for a second part of you wish <3 ⋆˚✿˖°

warnings: violence, mentions of kidnapping, Elijah being stubborn, Klaus being Klaus, possessive!Elijah, no mention of y/n, angst, heartbreak, biting, kinda beefy!elijah (i just always imagine him actually towering over my ocs), power dynamic, seems unfinished but i rly wanna write a second part lol

You had grown up in mystic falls you’re whole life, the quiet town where nothing ever happened. Well that was bullshit, the whole town crawled with the worlds most dangerous creatures. You had found out about Vampires after your best friend Elena started dating Stefan Salvatore then you heard about his less charming douche bag brother Damon and decided to stay away from them as a whole. Subsequently because Elena and you had been attached at the hip since preschool you didn’t have to interact with them but you sure did get filled in on all the gossip. Which was why you were currently in the car on your way to the lockwood mansion with her. Apparently the latter were on a mission to kill elena’s freako look alike great something grandma.

“this sucks” you said looking over at Elena who was driving the car — “we literally live in a town of vampires, werewolf’s and witches and the two of us are just human” you added

“yeah well i think i’d rather be human than a vampire” Elena declared stubbornly

“you know i think i have to agree because we both know that Stefan and Damon are going to do a terrible job at killing Katherine and if you were a vampire i think she’d make your life eternally miserable” you responded just as you pulled up to the Lockwood mansion. “i am so not dressed for the occasion” you muttered under your breath eyeing your oversized sweatpants and spaghetti strap tang top, you barley had time to put your shoes on before Elena was pulling you out of the house. you wrapped your arms around your body as Elena pulled you through crowds of people into the mansion. You and Elena quickly found bonnie and Jeremy quietly talking amongst themselves in the corner. Unfortunately you couldn’t get yourself to care about the conversation going on in front of you mainly because of the chill running down your spine at the sight of a man in a jester mask staring right back at you. You blinked and the man was gone just as Elena cried out in pain.

~~~~

“I can’t believe Katherine did that to you” you rushed as you tried to keep up with Elena. The night had only gotten worse and when everything was said and done Elena was a bloody mess and you were freezing.

“honestly, i’m surprised you think she wouldn’t do this to me” Elena retorted storming to her car.

you followed closely behind, “okay well don’t get mad with me it’s not my fault that you almost died” you argued back crossing your arms over your chest. “i’m sorry okay? it’s just… she’s only doing this because she’s in love with Stefan” Elena sighed.

you saw the same man from earlier with the jester mask walk up behind Elena. You’re eyes widened in worry “Elena watch out” you yelled as you ran forward to push the man away from your friend. He grabbed you and threw you against the car slamming your head into the door.

~~~

When you wake up the first thing you notice is the rope around your arms and legs. You quickly try to get out of them but fail miserably.

“Stop trying to get out of the ropes. It’ll never work” a brunette said as she walked into the room. “who are you?” you asked flinching as she walked towards you and bent down.

“my names rose.” she responded voice dead “you weren’t supposed to be with the girl” she said sadly, undoing your restraints.

“where is Elena, what do you want with her” you shook as you replied.

“it’s not what we want. it’s what he wants” she said as she looked away from you — “who’s he?” you asked lowly, she moved her head back to face you and replied “Elijah”

~~~

“oh my god you’re okay” Elena said as she rushed towards you when rose took you into the other room. “yea i’m okay lena” you smiled sadly.

“he’s here. this was a mistake” a man rushed out as he paced around the room. “Trevor in order to get our freedom we must give him the girl. This is no mistake” the woman demanded grabbing the man to a stop. “I will bring him here, watch the girls.” she asserted as she walked out of the room.

“I’m not going to make it out of here am i?” you sighed trying to fight the tears in your eyes as you looked forward towards the covered up windows.

“hey, no don’t say that. I’m going to do everything i can to make sure we both get out here alive” Elena reassured you as she held you, you rested your head on her shoulder and sighed out a breath. The weight of this situation coming crashing down on you. While you both were human, Elena was more important to the supernatural world than you would ever be. You also knew if it came down to it Stefan and Damon would leave you to die if it meant saving her. You didn’t resent her for that, you were happy she had somebody who would do anything for her, you just wished you had someone who would do the same for you.

Your head snapped up at the sound of footsteps, your breathing became shallow as Elena pulled you onto your feet with her. You were terrified, you had no idea who Elijah was and from roses reaction to him you could tell he probably wasn’t going to be a saint.

In the blink of an eye you were throw behind Elena’s back as a man took place in front of her. You saw what you would say was the most handsome man you’d ever seen. You kicked yourself. you shouldn’t be thinking that when your best friends life was on the line, but you couldn’t help but notice the way his hair fell perfectly down around his handsome face, the powerful stance in which he stood. You noted he was dressed in a suit which probably cost more than your whole life together. His eyes drew you in from behind Elena and you couldn’t look away. If this was the way you went out you wouldn’t complain.

“human. It’s impossible” he breathed out in shock. “hello there” he smirked, you noticed his gaze went past Elena and right into your eyes. He was talking to you. why would he be talking to you? You felt your heartbeat quicken and you were sure you’d held your breath way beyond your lungs capability. You quickly shifted your gaze downwards biting your lip, suddenly remembering your lack of clothing moving closer to Elena.

“we have a long journey ahead of us we should be going” Elijah says grabbing Elena’s arm and turning them around.

“And the girl? What should we do with her.” Rose asked from across the room.

Elijah’s gaze moved to meet yours again. “leave her be. Do not harm her.” he ordered rose.

Elena looked at you with a pleading look before crying out towards rose “please, don’t let him take me.”

Elijah let go of Elena’s arm pushing her towards rose. “one last piece of business before we go”

Elijah stalks towards Trevor who shrinks down in fear “you have no idea how long i’ve waited for this day” he sputtered out. You noticed how Elijah held such an air of power around himself. You wondered how old he was, surely he was a vampire. You tuned out the rest of the conversation watching as Elijah ruled the two vampires in the room with just his presence. You suddenly hear rose cry out in sorrow as Elijah smacks Trevor’s head clean from his body. You noticed that Elijah had moved his body so he was in front of you, like he was intentionally blocking you from the scene in front. Your face paled as he grabbed both you and Elena dragging you to the front of the house. “who else is here” he demanded towards rose who shook her head “no one”

His grip tightened around your arm as he pushed Elena towards rose keeping you firmly planted next to him. Damon and Stefan were playing games with him. That probably wasn’t a smart idea you thought. You felt your body being ripped away from Elijah’s grasp and slammed up against a wall. Your head hitting the wall hard. Too hard. You cried out in pain and shook as the dizziness came in waves until everything went black.

~~~

When you woke up you took note of the fact you were still in the house, except it was night time now. You brushed the dirt off of your pants as you stood up and looked around. “Elena…” you yelled out wincing when you remembered that probably wasn’t a good idea. You were answered back with silence as you made your way towards the front of the stairs. You gasped as your eyes landed on a very dead Elijah, you walked quietly towards his seemingly sleeping body. Just as you reached out to pull the coat rack from his body he awoke with a gasp of his own. Anger displayed upon his face as he ripped the coat rack from his chest and threw it across the room at a very inhuman speed. He cracked his neck and fixed his jacket before his gaze landed on you.

“what did you do?” he roared taking large steps towards you. For every one step he took you had to take three steps back. “i — i didn’t do anything” you felt your face pale and mouth dry with fear. “y — you were dead” you stuttered trying to look anywhere but his angry eyes. “for centuries now. where did the girl go?” he demanded looking you up and down as if he was trying to decide what to do with you. “i really don’t know, i just woke up on the floor. I’m assuming Stefan and Damon took her… they left me, no way they actually left me here” you rambled out as your back hit the wall. You realized you had nowhere to go as Elijah’s frame blocked you in. You noticed how tall he was, you had always been short it didn’t take much for someone to be taller than you, but Elijah; he was tall. You stood just below his shoulders, your small frame feeling even smaller as he stood in front of you.

“what wonderful friends you have” he implied looking down from your eyes to your neck where he could see the blood rushing between your veins. “they aren’t my friends. only elena is” you mumbled shifting on your feet. “hm. we should get going then” he declared swiftly pulling his jacket from his shoulders and holding it out to you.

~~

“do you always kidnap teenage girls?” you asked looking out of the window in Elijah’s car and wrapping his jacket tighter around. “do you consider this kidnapping?” he asked with a cocked head. “yes i do.” you stated firmly looking over at him “do you not?”. he looked fully at you now, “i consider this me doing you a favor, saving a poor defenseless girl from an abandoned home, to which your own friends didn’t save you from. Now i could have done what i originally intended and drained every single drop of blood from your body and left you there, but i didn’t. So No i would not say this is considered kidnapping” he replied putting his eyes back on the road. “why didn’t you kill me?” you pondered fidgeting with your fingers in your lap. you noticed his fingers tightened their grip around the steering wheel as he said “there’s something awfully interesting about you.”

~~

From that moment on you and Elijah had been inseparable. He told you about his desire to not be seen in mystic falls just yet. So you returned home and acted as if some friendly stranger gave you a ride home.

It hadn’t taken long for you to fall head over heels for Elijah, but you noticed his hesitance when it came to you. How he never shared too much about himself. How he absolutely insisted you never speak of him to anyone, as if he was scared. You had learned he was one of the oldest vampires to ever exist. A thousand years old, he was strong, and wise and he surely had a copious amount of enemies. You knew all of that should have scared you away but you found it only intriguing you more and more each day. He handled you with such care, as if the smallest of things would break you and he’d lose you forever. Yet he never said what you wanted him to say.

It had been weeks since the day in the abandoned house and Elijah had finally made his presence known to mystic falls. You especially enjoyed pretending you didn’t spend all your time with the man. You knew in your gut Elijah feels the same way about you that you do him. It was just getting him to act on it that proved to be hard.

When you saw him at the founders party all dressed in his grey suit and hair slicked back, you didn’t care who noticed you decided that you had had enough of pining over him.

“so, Mr. Smith?” you quoted raising your champagne glass to your lips to hide your smile. “not everyone can be privy to my actual identity sweetheart” he replied looking down at you. You noticed his eyes raking over your form. “you look absolutely astonishing tonight” he said voice husky as his gaze returned to yours. You almost moaned at the tone of his voice. This was what you meant, you knew he was attracted to you but he never acted on it. You figured your best bet would be to show him what he was missing. “do i?” you questioned him with a smile “i thought you’d like this dress” you winked at him as his eyes darkened. “I didn’t think you would be bold enough to test your little theory here” he smiled licking his lips before raising his glass of champagne. “what theory would that be?” you pushed trying to get him to say it for himself but before he could answer a hand wrapped around your shoulder.

“Fancy seeing you here, my, my you look amazing” Damon stated, you winced out of his grasp moving away from him. You noticed the deadly look on Elijah’s face as he stared Damon down. “Damon i do believe it’s time we have a chat just the two of us” he said through gritted teeth. The two disappearing upstairs before you could say anything

~~

You sat a the bar picking at the fruit tray when Elijah approached you again. “I’m sorry sweetheart, i had to take care of something” he said moving to stand behind you. “did you kill him” you accused taking a bite out of a strawberry. “No i did not, I should have.” he replied turning you in your seat so you were facing him. “why” you questioned looking up at him. “because i do not like the idea of him ever looking at you again.” Elijah moved his head down so he was level with your ear, “or anyone for that matter” he muttered moving your hair out of the way, inhaling your scent. “i know this is what you want, it’s what i want too. But it would be selfish of me to subject you to the life i live.” he confessed before he grabbed you and in the blink of an eye you were in a different room. “you don’t get to decide what’s right or wrong for me Elijah” you argued back pulling out of his embrace. “why are you scared, I know it’s not the reason you just gave. I know that because for months i have been living as apart of your life, i know you think giving me some noble reason will deter me from continuing this but it won’t, so what’s the real reason?” you semi shouted at him, you were angry and you had every right to be. He’d been playing that game since the day you met him, where he acted as if he wanted you and then decided he couldn’t be with you. “Because i have lost every single person i have ever loved!” he roared back with tears in his eyes “i have had every person i have ever cared for ripped away from me, for a millennium i have been dealt constant heartbreak. I would be a fool if i left myself care for another being ever again, and i would be eternally selfish if i let you in and you died at the hand of my enemies.. or worse me. But you have infiltrated my very being, every thought, every feeling is because of you, so i cannot just let you walk away, because no where is far enough for me to not crave you, you’re scent is engraved in my senses and i cannot stop it.” he confessed moving toward you, he lifted his arm and ran his knuckles down your face as he gazed lovingly into your eyes. you leaned into his hand and looked up at him through your eyelashes. He was staring at your lips, this was new he’d never done that before. Elijah leaned down until his lips were just above your own “can i kiss you” he asked against your lips. You nodded your head vigorously as he entwined his lips with yours. His lips are softer than anything you’ve ever known. The feeling in your chest was explosive, spreading all throughout your body. He tilted your head upward biting your lip in the process. you let out a moan of approval, moving your hands to lay underneath his suit jacket. You could feel every inch of his muscles tensing underneath your touch. You loved it, craved for more. His hand moved from your face into your hair, bunching it up and pulling you closer to him. You loved every second of this moment, how raw and beautiful it truly was.

When Elijah pulled away from the kiss he rested his forehead on yours, out of breath you closed your eyes.

~~

Elijah had entrusted you with the secret of the curse placed upon his brother Klaus. You were sleeping one night when he came to see you, telling you that Elena would need to be sacrificed in order for him to kill his brother. Of course you asked him if he was sure he wanted to do this and he was. So tonight he was attending a dinner party at the Salvatore mansion in order to keep and eye on Damon. You had told him you thought it was a bad idea, that you got a bad feeling from it, but he insisted he would be alright. Now it was two days later and you hadn’t heard or seen from him. You were currently on a mission to find him when you entered the Salvatore mansion to find all your so called friends having some type of meeting. “where is Elijah” you announced as you walked in. “so you are sleeping with him” Damon said back smirking as he turned around to face her. “Yeah Damon i am, you know if you were going to have such an issue with it maybe you shouldn’t have left me for dead” you said walking more into the room. “well he’s not here, so no need for you to be here any longer” he dismissed her. You looked at Elena over his shoulder meeting her gaze. She quickly moved her eyes towards the basement door. You nodded your head and turned to walk away when Alaric called out to you. “hey wait up” he called after you following you outside.

“you’ve literally never talked to me before Alaric, so unless your going to tell me where Elijah is don’t start now” you said not stopping your stride heading to your car.

“cmon now love i just wanted a chat. seems we have to do this the hard way” Alaric replied grabbing your arm and slamming your head into your car window.

~~~

you awoke to a shooting pain in your side as you stirred. “welcome back to the land of the living love” a man said crouching in-front of you “i’m getting really tired of people knocking me out” you murmured groggily.

“ah yes, you see i’ve heard my brother was plotting my demise, and since i’ve got more at stake than him i figured an eye for an eye.” klaus said reaching to grab something above your head. His hand returned with a knife, your eyes widened as he covered your mouth and stabbed you in the thigh as your screams muffled. “now living for a thousand years you learn a few things about torture. except your human and you can’t handle as much as i’d like.” he said twisting the knife, the pain you felt was white hot and expanded through your whole body. “So i’ll resort to draining all but a drop of blood from you until Elijah comes to find you.” he said with a wicked smirk, grabbing your hair and tilting your head back. His whole face changed, you remember seeing Elijah’s vampire face which you loved but Klaus’ was just outright scary. You felt his sharp teeth rip into your carotid artery, you felt every drop of blood leave your body. The excruciating pain of his teeth in your skin. You head felt heavy as it rolled to the side when he finally pulled away. “cmon love the games are just beginning.” he taunted.

~~

when Elijah had woken the first thing he demanded of Elena was to bring him to you. When she failed to find you red flags raised in his mind. You would never disappear and all he could think was you had hurt yourself in the process of trying to find him. what he wasn’t expecting was for his brother to have taken you captive. when Elijah found you, you were a bloody mess. Crimson red everywhere, you say in your own puddle of blood. Shallow breathing was all he heard as he rushed forward and held your face in his hand. “my love” he whispered trying to wake you up.

You failed to wake up after the fifth time he tried. You had bruises and cuts all over you. The wounds on your thighs bleeding the most. When you whimpered in response to him shifting you he was glad for a sign you were alive.

“Elijah” you cried out unable to move “i can’t it hurts so much” you reached out to grab his arm as he picked you up and speed the two of you to his apartment.

“i’m so sorry my love” he cried as he held your hand. “for what?” you asked weakly wiping his tears away from his eyes. “for not protecting you. I can give you my blood and it will heal you.”he said moving your body to lay down. in the process of moving you the wounds he had patched in your thighs had opened, resulting in you losing blood. Again you had become faint and in and out of consciousness.

Elijah had managed to get his blood down your throat but he knew he would lose you. he had waited to long to feed it to you. Within the next minute he whispered a quick apology into your ear and snapped your neck.

[thejournallo]

Story time: how my family is cursed by the witches of benevento

This isn't my usual type of post, but I’d like to start sharing more personal stories on my blog—especially my success stories, magic stories, and more. It's a way to put myself out there a little more!

The story I’m about to share is from my mother's side of the family. It’s about how her bloodline was cursed by the witches of Benevento.

This event took place after World War II, during a time when many people, especially in Italy, were living in extreme poverty. My great-grandma (whom I’ll refer to as GG) was fortunate to come from a wealthy family.

At that time, GG was engaged to a marshal. The witches of Benevento, who had significant influence in the area, advised her to stay with him, promising that he would bring her wealth and stability. They told her to marry him when he returned from duty.

Everything was going well. GG and the marshal were engaged and planning their wedding. They decided to live together, and while they were at it, they thought, why not modernize the exterior of their house? So, they started renovations.

During this time, GG became deeply involved in the renovation process. One day, she noticed my great-grandpa working on the house, and it was love at first sight. One thing led to another, and GG ended up cheating on the marshal, which resulted in her becoming pregnant.

When the family found out, all hell broke loose. Her clothes were thrown out the window, and her name was dragged through the mud for everyone to see and hear. The witches of Benevento, feeling disrespected and hurt, placed a curse on GG. The curse went something like this: “Your childbirths will be painful, and your children will meet gruesome deaths” (those weren’t the exact words, but that was the gist of it).

Long story short, GG ended up at the church of Padre Pio, witnessing one of his miracles. She gave birth to her first son, Pio, who later left to find my great-grandpa. They eventually married, and GG had 24 pregnancies—12 resulted in stillbirths, and 12 children survived. However, the majority of them, including my grandma, are now deceased. Most of the women died from cancer, and the men from surgeries gone wrong. None of the twelve children had a good or steady life, and none of them died of natural causes.

So, yeah, maybe think twice before cursing someone—it can mess up entire bloodlines.

[wilcze-kudly]

What are your favorite Beifong family headcanons?

Oooh that's a great ask. I have a lot of headcanons and I'm pretty sure I've talked about them a lot at least a few times, but I've tried to condense them as best I could!

I've rambled about my headcanons surrounding seismic sense but here's some more. The twins and Huan learnt seismic sense very early on in their lives and were provably encouraged to lean into it. Huan particularly has very well developed seismic sense. To the point where it makes him uncomfortable and he tends to shy away from using it by wearing thick socks or shoes.

When Kuvira first arrived to Zaofu, she didn't really get along with Baatar Jr. I can see Baatar Jr being very protective of Opal, since they were the two nonbenders of the family. I can see him not looking too kindly at whom he saw as his mother's attempt at having a "better daughter".

Kuvira and the twins are permanent parts of Suyin's dance troupe. (Canon for Kuvira.)

Due to not having much interaction with people outside the family, the Beifong kids are/were super close. Which leads to even more pain as they slowly untangle and mature.

They were also very close with the staff that worked at the manor and other of their family friends, due to this being their only social interactions outside family. Aiwei and the Chef (he only calls himself chef and never reveals his real name cause he used to be a pirate and is wanted in all four nations) are basically surrogate uncles to the kids.

It having been just the six of them, i can see it being hard for them to fully interact with new people.

Huan wanted to be a doctor as a kid and pretended to do operations on his siblings. Their father, a renown architect, even built them a little play hospital. The other Beifongs... weren't fans.

Kuvira enjoys bubble baths. That's it.

Wei collects crystals and cool looking rocks, similairly to how Su collects meteors. He's a nerd about it too. He has several opals and whenever he's in an argument with Opal he will dramatically move them to the back of his collection.

One of my fave silly headcanons/theories is Baatar Sr being Suki and Sokka's kid. Like, I know it's very unlikely, but it is a lovely idea in my head and I could ramble about it all day. I don't see a lot of people talking about it. I see plenty of people using Suyin's sons looking like Sokka as proof that Su is a Tokka baby, however the Beifong boys actually resemble their father a lot. Also I have plenty headcanons around this idea and Suki would be an epic grandma. Kyoshi warrior Opal (and the twins). Living in my head rent free. Forever.

Wing and Opal formed a little book club and like reading together/talking about books they've read. Their siblings aren't allowed to join. One time Kuvira and Wei crashed the little meeting and Wing was so offended he pretended to run away and join the circus.

When they were children, Kuvira was the ringleader for sure. She'd take the much more well behaved Beifong kids on wild adventures, after which they'd come back to the house covered in mud.

Wing is hard if hearing. Comes from that one scene where he sent Lin and Su to their deaths after misshearing Mako.

Aiwei was the first one to encourage Huan to pursue his artistic talents and most of Huan's first works are still in Aiwei's house.

Wei is named after Aiwei, but they already had a Juniour in the family, so he was named an abbreviation of his namesake.

Aiwei ultimately regrets betraying the Beifongs, to teh point where his nightmares in the Fog of Lost souls are about the Beifongs.

Can't believe Zaheer sent the only confirmed gay man ever shown on screen to super hell. Homophobia at its finest

Ugh you don't know how happy getting asks about the Beifong family makes me. Sorry if these were more focused on the Zaofu crew, I know they're not as popular as Lin and Toph but they are my faves.

[gatheringbones]

[“Mom rage lives in the body. Fingers curl, cheeks burn, breathing quickens. Similar to road rage, mom rage bubbles up fast and hot. Mom rage is fury—mothers bursting with uncontrollable anger. Its release is often aural and physical: a rhythmic string of high-pitched curses; a booming trombone yell, so growly the mother’s throat is sore the next morning; hands slapping out a sharp beat on her own stinging thighs; a bass drum foot pounding out each word—BRUSH (stomp) YOUR (stomp) TEETH (stomp) NOW (stomp, stomp)!!

As mothers, we know we are supposed to be nurturing, patient, gentle; never rageful. We try to hide our wrath, hold it in, keep it quiet. Sheila, mother to a three-year-old and seven-month-old in Brisbane, Australia, admitted to me in an email, “I often feel the rage and would sometimes just LOVE to stab a mattress into pieces with a very sharp knife.” Sheila used to hide her rage by screaming underwater at her local public pool, but the pandemic robbed her of that covert release. When mom rage takes over, not physically hurting someone is an act of will. Joanna from Portugal told me, “I remember holding [my daughter] and biting down on her fluffy onesie to staunch something worse.”

Those on the receiving end of mom rage are often our children, but not always. The vitriol can be directed at partners, pets, men in general, the system, or everyone around us. Mom rage can also turn inward, manifesting in self-harm: substance abuse, cutting, punching our thighs, slapping our own face, biting the insides of our lips, cheek, tongue—anything that can feel pain. Moms who rage are in pain, even if we don’t know it.

That pain isn’t caused by a child not wanting to brush her teeth, or any of the other daily irritations of parenting. Its foundations go much deeper. Mom rage stems from the overwhelming stress and impossible expectations of modern motherhood, combined with a debilitating lack of support from within the family structure and societal systems.

The sneaky thing about the causes of mom rage is that we can’t see them. In their visual absence, all we see is an angry mom. On the surface, mom rage looks like simple cause and effect: a child drops a jar and it shatters, resulting in the mom yelling, hot-faced and wild. This explanation of mom rage is easy to comprehend—there was an action and then a reaction. Perhaps there are details that complicate the story and make the mother’s strong reaction easier to empathize with. Maybe before this happened, the mother asked the child repeatedly not to play with the jar. Maybe the jar was the mother’s only heirloom from her great-grandmother who escaped the Holocaust. Maybe the mother has a pending work deadline, and Grandma, who was supposed to babysit, just called out with a migraine.

If we imagine mom rage as a house, the cause-and-effect scenario is happening on the main floor—let’s say, in the kitchen, since that is where so much of mothers’ daily domestic work takes place. To fully understand mom rage, we have to leave the kitchen and descend to the basement to uncover what came before. By “before,” I mean what happened the hour or day before the mother screamed at her child, but I also mean history—the mother’s own personal history, and the larger cultural history that shapes the way we live, think, and breathe today. History, identity, social norms, power(lessness), and past trauma, in addition to current societal systems and attitudes, are all at work when a mom balls up her fists and roars at the people around her—often the people she loves most. In the mom rage basement, we locate how a lack of partner support stems from cultural inequalities.”]

minna dubin, from mom rage: the everyday crisis of modern motherhood, 2023

[hanako-san]

Hi Hanako-san ^^

Well, I'm not here to ask you a question, but…

I've been thinking about this for a while, I was a little embarrassed to say it but I wanted to let you know. Your love for Amane makes me want to see more of what you have to say.

The way you can see him, the way you protect him, the way you still see him as a person, not a ghost, not a dangerous supernatural, just a little boy. The one who is clearly asking for help in silence… lonely.

Sometimes I think that you would be the person he would fall in love with if that were possible. Because you have to offer him everything he so desires.

I like him a lot, whether as Amane or as Hanako, and it always hurts me to see him get close to so many people who despise him, or how his own choices lead him to get close to people or loves that will hurt him. Your desire to protect him is so genuine that I can see it without much effort.

I like how you really see Amane, not Hanako, but Amane, who he really is. I like to see how he has such a strong meaning for you to the point that you are happy to notice that on his birthday it snowed where you live. I like seeing the true love you feel for him, it warms my heart.

Even though I am impartial with all the characters, and know that they all have qualities and flaws, including Hanako, I can understand that, even though he made mistakes, he still has a gentle and kind heart, and that he deserves to be happy too.

Nowadays, I meet people who like and talk a lot about Tsukasa, I also really like this little one, but I wish they gave a little more love to Amane too, so I'm happy to have found you. You give him the love he deserves.

Happy New Year, I hope this message warms your heart 💕

Hi Thelunarfairy ^^

I will answer right away that your message surprised me, made me happy and warmed my heart. Thank you with all my heart for such wonderful message!🥺✨💕 I wish you Happy New Year too💕

I'm glad you wrote this message overcoming your embarrassing. You really shouldn't be embarrassing. There's really no reason.

I'm very glad that you noticed it and that it really shows. I actually see it the way you described it. Amane, being a supernatural, is still the same poor and lost, wounded boy who calls for help in silence, but also doesn't want anyone to help him because he despises and hates himself. This boy is still there, being supernatural doesn't change anything. The fact that he has a slightly changed personality as a supernatural doesn't change anything for me. Is he dangerous. I have no idea. So far, he has shown that he is willing to do anything for the people he loves. If he is dangerous as a supernatural, then so be it. The only thing we have to support this claim are the words of Grandma Minamoto, Teru, who are not a reliable source of information for me. A fight broke out between them. I believe this because Amane said it with such experience, but I don't believe the rest until I see it. This lying and murderous family is not a reliable source for me and I know they are biased against Amane. And if he is 'dangerous' then let him show it! I want to see him in his full strength. I want him to destroy everyone there without exception. Others can, so can he, right? I know that Amane is a boy who does something for a very good reason. His actions are always well thought out, he knows what he is doing and what the consequences are,and he does it mainly for the sake of those he loves. He don't care about myself and his pain, because, as I said above, he thinks he doesn't deserve it. I want him to finally start thinking about himself and his own home, to put himself as the most important person and his own feelings. He fulfills his duties, gives himself completely for others - especially for the people he loves, but he doesn;t think about himself. It's so sad! My poor Moon. Hanako is Amane. Amane is Hanako. They are one and the same person. This boy who suffers and has great pain behind him is there and suffers even more as a supernatural. Amane needs love and protection. What I can give him, and I do. I'm really glad that it really shows the way I wanted it to. I always thought I was really bad at words and couldn't convey it. I'm very glad I was wrong.

Wow! That's nice and you know what? Thinking about it. Then I would be a better girlfriend than daikon. It's so nice of you!!! and thank you again! 💕

Do you like him a lot!!! I'm so happy to hear it!!! I know exactly what you mean. This also makes me sad and I consider it an injustice. I know this is how Amane wants to be perceived, which hurts me more and shows that he truly sees himself as a bad person who deserves nothing other than hatred from others. He thinks he deserves it. I completely disagree with him on topic! I'm really glad that my desire to protect Amane is visible. I really am so happy!

Wow! I'm super happy that you wrote this! I feel very,very,very happy that my love for Amane will warm your heart!! 🥹💕

I'm glad you're impartial to every character. What you write is absolutely true and I will tell you that whoever knows me privately knows well that I can criticize Amane or even say that I don't like his actions. I still feel that way and I know that he has qualities and flaws and what he does is sometimes wrong and I still don't like everything about what he does, but I know why he does it and I completely accept him with everything and I will continue to support him in his actions. Do I like them or not . It doesn't matter. Let him do what he wants.I will support and protect him no matter what happens in history and what he does. I love and support him with all my heart.

I know exactly what you're talking about. The same here. I meet Tsukasa stans more and talk to one of them. Earlier, I also talked to one stan Tsukasa and I realized that Tsukasa is more loved than Amane, despite the hatred Tsukasa receives. I'm glad you wrote this message. I know someone likes Amane too, not just Tsukasa. If they love Tsukasa more, it will be difficult to give love to Amane, because Tsukasa is important to them. That's how I see it. It's the same with me. I love Tsukasa, but I don't talk about him all the time and that I love him, because Amane is the one I really love and I want to talk about him and protect him. My love for Tsuaksa is much less than for Amane and I care less about him or not at all? That's I meant i'm indifferent to Tsukasa's pain and don't care about him but my will support, care for and love Amane with all my heart! Because Amane really deserves it! He's a wonderful boy. I'm glad you found me and sent me a message 💖

Thank you again for your message. You flatter me 💖

[skyloftsword]

Ranking Zelda stories because I am bored

Happy Easter and Trans Visibility Day! I'm bored and wanted to rank the stories of the 3D Zelda games. Spoilers of course. Ranked from favorite (top) to weakest (bottom). I also won't be including WInd Waker because I never beat it (not the game's fault, I bought HD during the Switch's lifecycle and got tired of the Wii U gamepad). A lot of my problems are just personal gripes and not really criticisms.

Tears of the Kingdom: Controversial placement, I know (I have been literally harassed SEVERAL times over this take, I am disappointed in humanity). It has its issues, but like, what thing DOESN'T have flaws? Everything is flawed, it came free with your entertainment. The plot beats for Tears of the Kingdom are absolutely insane. The Imprisoning War and the events leading up to it all felt connected and relevant to each other and the events in the present. Not to mention watching stuff like the Molduga memory and the Imprisoning War itself was extremely hype. Seeing the interactions between Sonia, Rauru, Zelda and Mineru got me really attached to these characters. The events in the present also feel meaningful and urgent. Your friends from the previous game are ACTUALLY in trouble in this game and not just being stalked by a giant robot that's doing nothing. The Sages also felt more connected than the Champions ever did. The camera not being locked behind a backtracking quest this time was cool too. Overall, this game's story hit the hardest, especially with the Dragon Tears quest.

Skyward Sword: Great story with a great cast. Backtracking is a bit of a pain and could have been handled better, but I love the events of the game. Groose's character development is truly excellent. Link and Zelda having a connection also assisted in making the adventure hitting harder.

Twilight Princess: As a former Twilight Princess hater, I would like to apologize to this game. I had a biased hatred against the game because I thought it was just TP fans that were toxic when in reality its just the Zelda fanbase as a whole that has a massive toxicity problem (not all Zelda fans are toxic). The whole beginning segment with Ordon Village and the Twili Realm sets up Link's quest perfectly. The story as a whole is really great until Ganondorf. Ganondorf in this game is genuinely really weak as a character, same with Zelda. They at least have the manga to help them but still...

Majora's Mask: I love the concept for this game's story and for the most part its really well done. Its just short and a lot of the interesting stuff is in the side quests. This is totally fine because it helps get me invested in the world, but most side quests are just... meh. Anju/Kafei, the grandma stories and the Romani Ranch quest lines (including the Ranch Race with the Gorman Brothers) are really great though.

Breath of the Wild: Man... This game's backstory is SO, SO, SO GOOD. Like wow is it good. I just HATE how its told. Stuff that would be cool to see is NEVER shown. Like why not show us Zelda and Link vs Calamity Ganon? Not to mention the Camera backtracking quest... I will say, at least it made the Champion's Tunic plot relevant. TotK should've made the Leathers important. Also the Divine Beast quests just don't sit right with me (outside of the Gerudo one, that one was really great). The Divine Beast fights are incredible though, they make up for the atrocious dungeon bosses.

Ocarina of Time: Too boring and unoriginal for me. Yes, TotK takes a lot from BotW's style of story, but it at least builds upon it and has unique aspects like Crisis at Hyrule Castle and Mineru's entire questline. I do like how Ganondorf mocks Link, especially in the Forest Temple, as it makes him more relevant. Ganondorf waiting until Zelda gave Link the Light Arrows just was incompetent though.

Alright, that's my ranking of each 3D Zelda story I have an opinion on. I very much expect disagreement (especially with TotK) and that's fine, just please do not attack me over this stuff. Its just opinions. I've been harassed way too much over my takes on TotK, its tiring.

[moreespressoformydepresso]

Wanted to comment under the fanfic but for some reason my account refuses to post the comment so it's copied from ao3

I am so glad we are getting the POV of the background tributes and the image of sheaf curled up into a little ball and panlo looking after her is so cute 🥺</p>

<p>I was so excited seeing a facet prespictive he's one of my favourite characters and him babysitting Is so cute I have been headcanoning that he is great with kids and him and the tributes standing up for dill is amazing she is just a harmless innocent sick little girl leave my baby alone<br />

And more Livia slander let's GOOOO<br />

And treech giving lamina all the food oh poor boy 😭 😭<br />

Once again I don't like babying snow but it's so entertaining seeing him embarrassed at showing Lucy gray he's home I am looking forward to her meeting tigris not so much to the grandma she better keep her venemous mouth shut for our rainbow songbird</p>

Amazing chapter as always 👍😊

There's been a lot of hateful bot comments so AO3's turned off guest comments multiple times, I guess it could be that? Idk but I can't think of anything else because I let everyone comment on my fics (I crave validation lol). Sheaf and Panlo need more love so while I struggle to characterize them distinctly I've decided to give them more love. Same with Facet. Idk if they came across well but I tried lmao. And I cannot resist writing about Treech and Lamina so they got thrown in there, which works because I made Facet very nice and very observant. Hence why he knows everyone's names and why he talks about Livia the way that he does. She'll warm up to him eventually, but for now I'm slandering the fuck out of her and honestly most of the mentors except for Sejanus. Sejanus is the only mentor who truly understands the horrors of the games, and even the nicest Capitol mentors have some pretty bad moral compasses when it comes to the districts to start with. Sejanus is the only one who doesn't have an arc to becoming a better person. His arc is understanding when it's time to let go of a relationship because the other person will drag him down into the depths if he doesn't.

Though, to be fair... I'm making Coryo a better person in this because it's a full fix-it. Dill and Felix will do most of the early heavy lifting (because he's the president's son like in the movie) but Coryo and Gaius will be more involved in some later happenings. Gaius strikes me as a person that tries to be good, comforting people in pain and making them laugh. However, his messed up view of the districts is blinding him when it comes to the tributes and the games. It's hard to laugh about someone's pain when they've been a better person that the people you consider "superior". Especially once you learn the horrific extent of their suffering. As for Coryo... I'm mixing the movie's general softening of his worst traits with the fact that this happens relatively early in the story. None of his worst conclusions have been drawn and since he'll never brutally murder Bobbin he'll never really start believing Gaul's theory. One thing I noticed is that he seems to think himself superior to district people because he overcame his struggles and he doesn't understand how much worse the districts have it. Nor does he understand that they don't have the opportunity to overcome their struggles like he does. That's why he looks at Lucy Gray strangely when she mentions not knowing there's multiple kinds of tea. It's a small thing, but it's pretty significant because of how it utterly shatters all of his excuses for why the districts deserve what's being done to them.

It shows that his situation isn't comparable to theirs. Because despite the poverty, he knows that there are multiple kinds of tea. He's seen them around him, he even managed to get some. It would be one thing if Lucy Gray wasn't able to afford any, but she doesn't even know they exist! The mere idea is so luxurious to her that she'd never even heard of it in the first place. And the items on the table are very mundane to him. Nothing to be marvelled at. Yet Lucy Gray is practically entranced by it because she could never afford it. While Coryo can't read her mind, he's not stupid. This isn't rocket science. And it rocks his world because it shows his assumptions about his own position in the world vs the districts is completely out of whack. So yeah, that'll build to at least a pseudo-redemption for him. I won't make this SnowBaird because I flat out don't ship it, but I do have plans for conflict and romance for Coryo. Specifically with Sejanus, because those two definitely had some undertones.

[pro-logue-epi-logue]

RANDOM DEVIL'S NIGHT THOUGHTS

~NUMBER 11~

Summary of those 9 years. What must have happened with Emory. How Emory lived in those years?

PART - 2

( This is my thinking taking in consideration of Emory's character and how different events unfolded, but if you have any thoughts to add, then do it, i will love to know what other think of those 9 years). And do comment i would live to know what you thought of this.

I didn't add timelines but if you want let me know! ( it can make it easier for you to understand )

2. Emory in College and after that uptil Nightfall

Emory moved into college early than other students, earlier than official move in day (as Rika mentions in corrupt that Em was "excited" to move into college and moved when she got her letter, obviously Rika didn't knew the real reason), when Emmy was sitting at the airport to leave thunder bay she was in a hurry to leave this place that gave her pain, and to finally make sure martin was out of her life and never following her. But when she was in the plane, she was overwhelmed and had this bitter sweet feeling that she left everything behind, the place where she grew up, her Gazeboo, her Grandma, Will, Theater everything. She was nervous of the life awaiting her. Will she be able to make it?. But a fear that one slip up will throw her back into Martin's way always present at the back of her mind. She looked around the flight people, ALL STRANGERS!! and here she was all alone, like she always was. She was nervous of the new life. When the plane landes she got off the plane, came out of the airport, got in a cab and went to UC Berkeley. She arrived at the cames and saw two- three other students with bags, like her, to move in. There weren't many just a few. She went to sign on the arrival form, the desk person looked at her and asked her if there is someone with her, she said no and she saw the hint of saddness if the eyes of that person very clearly. Not wanting any pity she got her keys and made her way to her room. But she couldn't help it, em looked down at herself in her old converse shoes and plain jeans,with two suitcases and a backpack she thought "EMORY SCOTT CAME ALONE, WITHOUT ANYONE". She went inside her room, looked at the two bed, two study desks and the window inside the room. She loved the window and how you can see the view outside easily. She opened the window, cold wind blowing in her face, a small smile tugged at her lips. The wind reminded her of her grandmere and how she was always so stubborn to "have her wind" because it was her last. She chuckled missing her most now, Will crossed her mind, what will he be doing? How was his first day? She shook her head and pulled out her phone and called the home where her grandmere was staying requesting them to let her talk to her on video call. They talked for an hour but had to cut it short because it was time for grandmere to take her medicines. The bags caught Emmy's eyes and she decided to put them in the wardrobe. "But i can't choose any wardrobe i like, what if my roommate, if i have any wants this one? And same with the bed." Em thought. But she ended up choosing one she liked "if my roommate liked this one we can just switch", she emptied her suitcases, arranged all her clothes in the wardrobe, arranged her study desk. But it was the Godzilla plushie that made her stop, she looked at it not knowing where to keep it, on her bed near her? Or just stack it back in the wardrobe? She took it with her when she left thunder bay, one of the only thing of will's she had, no way she was leaving it behind she loved it. She looked at its fangs and spikes on its tail remembering the day of the LOCK IN when Will put it inside her locker and how he and his friends pranked her, and how he forced her in his sleeping bag, she smiled thinking of him, no matter what she did or how she tried to not think of him, he somehow always came to her mind ALWAYS!. She thought how she had a great time in that chemistry lab even though she was mad annoyed at him that night. She ended up setting the Godzilla plushie at her desk. After making her side of the room she sat on the bed a little confused what to do now? She left her room went to look around the campus, the library, the buildings where her classes are going to be. After having dinner at one of the halls she came back to her empty room and went to sleep as she was so tired after the activities of the day. The next few days were same where she toured outside of campus, how far is the nearest movie theater? And checked her internship status.

TO BE CONTINUED...

I have been working on this for like a week and now my mind is all over the place, there are so many things i think happened but i don't k ow how to put them in sentences. SPOILER ALERT!! I AM NOT A WRITER!! So this is not a fanfic or anything i am just trying to fill the blank of those 9 years by thinking how em reacted in other instances.

I have ideas and i know you do too, so feel free to add them here.

And honestly your reviews about my writing or anything will be greatly appreciated. Even if its a bad thing or good thing doesn't matter, if you have anything to say feel free to do it.

AND I WILL TRY TO FINISH IT AS SOON AS I CAN, I STILL HAVE LIKE 7 YEARS LEFT

[eyesaremosaics]

Confronting the shadow self is daunting. I feel so overwhelmed by all the things that are wrong with me… on one hand I have grown exponentially—and changed for the better! However, in other areas I have gotten worse. Mainly my deep seated anger (that surfaces at inappropriate times), and also my inability to regulate my stress responses.

What ends up happening is that I bite off more than I can chew and become overwhelmed. As a people pleaser, I have a tendency to take on more than I can handle, and it takes a toll on my nervous system.

Trying to sit with these feelings. When I am sick for example (which doesn’t happen very often), I get REALLY sick… and then I snap at people, become very short with them and have a bite to my words. This is because I am in a lot of physical pain, but I should just call in sick and prioritize my self care instead of subjecting others to my bad moods. I always say “YES I can do that”, “sure, no problem!” When really I should put my foot down and say: “I’m not feeling well, I need to stay home and rest today”.

By forcing myself to work, I am not only making myself miserable, but also making everyone around me miserable.

Sometimes I come home from working with children… and just cry because I know I failed them that day. I FAILED as a caregiver. This happened a few weeks ago. I was getting stressed out because it was getting late, and the little guy needed to get up early for his first day of school the next day. I was getting snippy with him, and he told me: “Megan, when you get mad at me, it makes me want to cry.” I felt like the most horrible person in the world. I broke down and started crying. Telling him that he was right, and how sorry I was. I explained to him that I was just exhausted from working too much, and that it wasn’t his fault, and he absolutely did not deserve it.

I cried because I don’t do it on purpose, but at times I feel powerless to stop it.

My mother always used to yell and my siblings and I… because she was so overwhelmed with her life… it did a lot of damage to all of us. Don’t get me wrong—I love my mother deeply. She made my childhood magical in many ways, and I have a lot of respect for her. She had a hard time of it when we were growing up (as sole bread winner or single parent a lot of the time) and she did the best she could with what she had. I suppose that’s true of all parents.

Some days you feel good, you know you made a positive impact on a child’s life, and some days you know you (unconsciously) did damage. We are only human after all. My mom feels terrible about how she yelled at us. It must be genetic, because my grandmother admitted to doing it too when she was younger.

It has made me reevaluate whether or not I want to be a mother one day. I am good with kids actually, they love me almost immediately and I get along great with them because it’s so easy for me to become a child again and play with them on their level.

Growing up poor does something to your psyche. You end up with this “scarcity” mindset that I just hate. I realized that I eat so quickly (which is horrible for your metabolism btw) because I was 1 of 4 children—if you didn’t eat quick during dinner, you didn’t eat. Always feeling like there is not “enough” to go around, always starving for more love or attention (because you had to compete all the time to get it).

Seeing all these things so clearly now. The antecedent moment is known to me, but the way forward is not. I have been “catching myself” in the act of bad habits and trying to reshape my behavior. I’m grateful to my mom for teaching this to me too. She was always the first to apologize to us when she was wrong. She was humble and took accountability, which showed us that grown ups make mistakes too.

I remember confiding in my grandmother about how much “mommy yells”. My grandma told my mom what I’d said, and my mom really took it to heart. She would take deep breaths and count to ten before unloading on us. I remember actively watching her try to change, and she did eventually.

I hope that I can manage to do the same, and that the damage I have done to people I love is not too great to be healed.

Trauma is not an excuse. You don’t get an excuse to treat people poorly. Though I know… I have a good heart. I would never hurt ANYONE on purpose. I know myself at my core, and the core of my heart is very loving and compassionate. So now is the time for me yo be more compassionate with myself. By understanding where these wounds come from, I can catch myself and pivot my response. I can also apologize and say: “I’m sorry, I am working on managing my stress better, please let me try that again.”

A month ago, my boyfriend, my cousin, her girlfriend and I all went up to Mendocino. Yury (my boyfriend) manages 62 acres up there for the scouts organization he volunteers for. Usually we camp or stay in the cabins, ride around on the ATV’s, toast marshmallows, swim in the creek etc. It was a fun weekend, until the accident.

My little cousin, is my cousin through marriage. When I was a freshmen in high school, she was just a baby at 2. We went together like peas and carrots. I saw so much of myself as a little girl in her, and I felt very protective of her. Her parents were both tweakers, so they were mostly absent. My grandma, my grandpa and I all had a hand in raising her. She grew up to be a good kid, but I was concerned to hear from her girlfriend that she was very reckless at times and made dangerous impulsive decisions.

Basically, what happened was a long chain of events that I won’t detail here (because it will take too long to flesh out), was that after warning her all day that the ATV was not a toy, that she needed to go slower on it, she didn’t heed my warning and flipped the ATV over with my boyfriend riding in the passenger seat.

My cousin’s girlfriend and I were in the cabin listening to music. She asked me if I heard anything, but I said it was probably just the music. Then we heard it again, we opened the door and went outside. We saw my cousin running up the path screaming “help! The atv flipped over! Yury is trapped underneath it!”

My boyfriend was pinned under the ATV. Adrenaline kicked in and I thought for sure he was dead. I didn’t want to believe it. I was terrified. The next thing I remember was hearing him screaming in pain. My brain relaxed slightly, to hear he was still alive. Now time to asses the damage. I tried to lift the ATV on my own, but no way, it was too heavy. The girls all started pushing from different sides in their panic, which was grinding the roll cage further into his leg.

He screamed in agony. I told the girls: “on three we need to lift at the same time girls ok? One, two, three!” We somehow managed to lift it. First just to release his leg. I looked over Yury to make sure no vital organs or anything were crushed in the crash. Thankfully it was just his ankle and his foot.

Somehow we managed to push the ATV back on to its wheels, so it wasn’t leaking fuel on the ground. At this point the full blown shock and panic set in. I ran to the first aid to try to find bandages, but I was panicking so much that I was looking but not able to read words. I was kicking the boxes screaming “I’m looking but not seeing”. My cousin came in and said; “why don’t you let me do that?” At which point I rounded on her and started screaming “why did you do that?! Why did you fucking do that?!”

I was so furious. I went up in flames. I must have looked possessed. Her girlfriend told me that my screaming wasn’t helping and to pull the car around so we could load yury in.

The situation was critical. It was the middle of the night. We were in the middle of nowhere, no cell reception, and the closest hospital was a hour away. Not to mention we’d all been drinking. I told them: “I can’t drive, I’ve definitely had too much to drink.” I certainly wasn’t going to let my cousin drive after the accident she just caused, thankfully her girlfriend had stopped drinking hours before and offered to do it.

We had to drive into town 20 minutes to get cell reception so we could find an ER. Willits said it was closed. So we had to go all the way to Fort Bragg on these foggy, windy roads with deer jumping out in front of the car—which wasn’t even my car by the way, it was my bosses car. All while Yury is screaming in pain in the back seat.

We almost blew up the car by accidentally… by turning the ignition on while it was pumping gas. Thank god we turned It off in time. More stress.

It felt like an eternity until we got to the hospital. I kept screaming over and over how stupid this was, blaming my cousin and asking why she ignored my warnings all day and thought she could Tokyo drift the ATV like that. To be fair, my anger was justified, she almost killed my boyfriend. However, my yelling and screaming like a lunatic was not. On the drive I managed to calm down, and just focused on helping her girlfriend use the controls on the BMW.

I knew that I needed to just shut up and stop yelling, because I was doing damage. It was better for me to not talk to my cousin because I wanted to kill her at that time. It would be different if I hadn’t been warning and lecturing her all day not to drive crazy on it. Then it would have been on us. However, her eye rolling and dirty looks whenever I said anything about it, and the blatant disregard soon as she was out of range where I could see her—led to the situation we were in.

Granted we had all been drinking, so no one should have been driving, I didn’t say she could, I thought Yury was going to do it. He mostly smokes weed, and is a very safe driver. He’s the only person I trust to drive my car. He blames himself for letting her drive, and truthfully he shouldn’t have let her. However, she is one of those people who doesn’t look drunk when they are. She doesn’t slur her words, or stagger, she looks and talks normal.

She begged Yury to let her drive it, and he relented because “she looked so excited like a little kid” and he wanted her to have fun. He also thought she would go slow in the dark. We were all about to turn in for the evening when this all went down. Yury didn’t even have time to tell her to slow down before it flipped.

We got through it, but Yury is out of commission for months now. He fractured 4 bones in his foot, and he may need to see a specialist to reset the bones or put pins in some of them. He can’t walk, shower, go anywhere or do anything without help. This has put a lot of strain on me, as I already work multiple jobs, and have very little free time as it is. Of course I’m happy to do it and help him, but it has exhausted me. I basically have no time for self care.

He can’t work, so the responsibility to pay all our bills has fallen on me. He manages to scrape rent together with the little remote work he can get done, but everything else (groceries, pg&e, gas, etc) falls on me, and I don’t know if y’all have noticed—but shit is expensive now.

I worked a crazy amount of hours in August. 60-70 hour weeks. Didn’t have a day off for 3 weeks straight between all my jobs. Though I am grateful for the work, grateful that I make good money, not having any free time really wears on you after a while.

Hence why I was getting snippy with the kids. Not an excuse, but it is the origin. Not to mention my cat Persephone of 21 years literally died in my arms… I had quite a bit of trauma compacted into two weeks. To top all of this off, I gad a terrible session with my therapist of the last 5 years, which I think concludes our working relationship.

I told my therapist about the accident, and at the time I was very angry still. The day after the accident, I apologized to my cousin for yelling at her, but expressed my concern that she has these reckless behaviors, and that I hope this will serve as a wake up call for her not to do things like that in the future. She looked at me like she hated me and said: “yeah, ok.” And got in the car and left.

My therapist started in on me, about how I’m actually not taking accountability as I said I was. She rounded on me saying that I’m still saying it’s all her fault, which in my opinion it was, not to mention I was still mad. I think I had every right to be mad, Yury and I have over 4 grand in medical bills that we can’t pay, not to mention the fact that he can’t work, and I have to work double shifts to pay our bills. All because she ignored what I had been telling her all day long. I would not have let her drive the ATV. True, Yury shouldn’t have let her drive, but it was such a relatively short distance, and had she been driving normally, none of this would have happened.

I know it was an accident, I know she didn’t do it on purpose. Yet ultimately, she is refusing to take accountability for the part she played. She did not apologize to Yury, she had not called to ask how he’s doing. Nothing.

She ran to my grandmother and basically painted it like Yury and I told her she could do that, and made all these excuses for her behavior —which is just infuriating. All you had to do, was apologize, check in on Yury and maybe offer to help him out a little while he heals. It’s not that hard. Yet again, for some people, apologies are hard. She wasn’t raised with repentant parents, she never learned how to do it.

My cousin told my grandmother that our relationship is permanently damaged because I yelled at her. That my apology was too late. My grandmother said: “she looked up to you all her life, and you crushed her when you yelled at her.”

Apparently she was hurt in the accident as well, bruising on her side. I didn’t know she was hurt, had I known I would have made sure she went in to the hospital to get checked out. I wrote her a long letter apologizing for telling the way I did (again), but expressing why I was driven to that point and hoping that we could talk and resolve this when she’s ready. I told her I still love her, and always will, but I hope she makes healthier choices in the future. She never responded to my letter, it’s been over a month now.

I remember what it was like to party with a death wish. I was there at her age.

I remember what it felt like to want to chase oblivion, because the pain inside was catching up to you and you had to keep running or it would devour you whole.

I feel so heartbroken about the whole thing. The dissolution of my relationship with her, my anger toward myself at not having control of my rage, my fear for Yury that his leg will never heal right and he may not ever be able to hike or do any of the outdoorsy things he likes to do again…

To return to my therapist, it felt like she was taking my cousins side (just like my grandmother which also devastated me, as my grandmother has been my favorite person since I was a baby), and that I was crazy for being angry and upset that she almost killed my boyfriend.

People can’t always control how they respond to trauma in the moment that it occurs, but we can control how we respond after. My therapist continued to imply that I yell at people the way Yury yells at me sometimes. Not true. I yell because that was modeled to me by my parents, and I attract partners who model this dynamic to me and I live it out unconsciously. I told my therapist that in the moment, I felt like I had no control over my panic and anger. She replied very condescendingly: “how scary that must be for you. That you can’t control it.”

She also insinuated that I shouldn’t be a mother. I know therapists are supposed to challenge you, but they are not supposed to leave you feeling suicidal after a session with them. I felt personally attacked, none of it felt constructive.

Truthfully, things have been feeling off for the last year or so with my therapist. She dropped hints about “making our sessions more infrequent” and talking about ending our sessions when my healthcare runs out. This was the final nail in the coffin that showed me she doesn’t have any respect for me as a person, and honestly doesn’t want to be working with me anymore.

That’s fine, it’s time to move on. She wasn’t a great therapist anyway, I just used the service because it was what my insurance would cover. It stopped being beneficial to me years ago. She did help—I think—or at least it helped to have someone to bitch to once a week.

I had a therapist before her… that I really loved. In 2016 I started seeking therapy because my whole works fell apart during my Saturn return. I lost my home, my job of 7 years, my long term boyfriend who I thought I was going to marry… I lost my best friend. Then a mass exodus of friends taking her side and leaving me too. It was one of the darkest times in my life. I was starving, unable to afford food.. it was a nightmare. My therapist at the time was really amazing , and in the short time we worked together I made more progress with her than anyone else I had seen.

She was spiritual, used to do tarot with me, as well as reiki healing etc. she helped me see myself and the world in a whole different light. It was a Shane we had to part ways because my insurance wouldn’t cover her, and I couldn’t afford to pay out of pocket. I was going hungry so I could see her. I wish I could find that therapist again.. she told me once: “You have been through an abnormal amount of trauma for someone your age, and it’s impressive how resilient you are. Most people with backgrounds like yours, end up on the streets using heavy drugs.”

I’ve been rambling for hours… but I guess I just needed to get this all out. Since all these recent events unfolded, I have been working really hard at taking deep breaths and monitoring my stress levels.

Also I recognize how much I complain, and I think a little gratitude practice would be good for me.

I have a lot to be grateful for. I have work, both my jobs are pretty kush in spite of the crazy hours, I have my health, thankfully my health issues subsided in 2021. I have a home, in a city and a neighborhood that I love. I did a lot of traveling in the last 2 years, I have my family with me, I have good friends. I have creative opportunities coming my way. Yury is still alive, I could have lost him. Thankfully he will heal eventually, and things will go back to the way they were. I have self awareness, which means I can change, and I have love in my life. Lots of it. I need to remember that, when things get tough.

[deadinarussianelevator]

Hello! I came here to ask what exactly forgiveness is and how do you know when you've forgiven someone? (I am sending this to multiple Christian blogs who I respect and can send anonymous messages to)

Hello! Thank you for including me in the people you ask :) Forgiveness is no longer holding an offense against someone. So, say someone has wronged you, and they apologize. You acknowledge their apology, and decide to no longer hold what they did to you over them. Sometimes this happens easily, sometimes it takes time. Forgiveness, I would also say, does not mean everything goes on as if nothing happened.

My mom, to me, is a great example of this. Her biological Father was an alcoholic, verbally abusive, cheated on my grandma constantly, and murdered his own mother. My grandma took my mom and uncle and fled him when my mom was just 8 years old. He eventually went to prison, and was released when i was in middle school. I distinctly remember my mom realizing she needed to forgive her father. From that point forward, she was able to reflect on that relationship without feeling bitterness, hatred, and anger. Now, that didn't mean that she was like, "Ah, I need to be besties with my bio dad now". It did mean, though, that after he was released from prison, she was one of the only people who would check in every now and then to make sure he was alive. She didn't see him all the time or anything (most of the time he was homeless as a result of his alcoholism) but she was able to care for him a bit at the end of his life when he was in various nursing homes because she'd let go of the resentment and bitterness. But yeah. Idk. I think that kind of forgiveness is only possible because of what Christ did for us on the cross.

I also think of Corrie Ten Boom, who forgave a Nazi guard who she remembered from the concentration camp her and her sister were in. It's best to quote it directly:

It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there—the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s pain-blanched face. He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. “How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein.” he said. “To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!” His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side. Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give Your forgiveness. As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand, a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.

(I tear up every time I read that part, it just makes me weep. Go read The Hiding Place if you haven't already and just. Weep and love it.)

How do you know you've forgiven someone? a) did you surrender it to God? b) when you think of that person, do you think of the wrong they did, or has it faded into the background? Have you let go of bitterness and resentment?

I hope that helps? Feel free to ask me more questions :)