#my grandma loves it so we went
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girl help the olive garden got me *takes poison damage* *takes poison damage* *takes poison damage* *takes poison damage* *takes poison damage* *takes poison damage* *takes poison damage* *takes p
#fr tho it’s doing unspeakable things to me#my grandma loves it so we went#but i can only eat like three things there cuz vegetarian#and ofc they all have an ungodly amount of cheese on them#i tend not to consider myself very lactose intolerant#at least not to the point where i’m having super extreme reactions#but i cannot handle olive garden at all#shitpost#olive garden
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today i discovered that many of the filming locations for iwtv season 2 are in prague and i live 3 hours away from there... i need to go
#ive been trying to convince my parents to go on a weekend trip there for ages bc the city is just so beautiful#but you know. im saying it again. no money ����😵😵😵 omg we need to stone her to death#anyway the last time i went to prague was with my grandma like 9 years ago or something and i fell in love with the city
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learned a very valuable lesson today
#for each DICKHEAD you encounter there will always be a kind person waiting for you :)#i was flabbergasted that everyone had decided to be an asshole towards me. a stranger#first scenario: i was in the train watching my phone and this older guy comes up to me and starts going off on a 'kids these days!!' rant#he basically told me that i was BEGGING to get my ass beaten and my phone stolen and he wouldnt come console me when i cried abt it#me being used to this treatment from my grandma i just went ok. and put my phone away#and obviously that pissed the guy even more so he continued to rant until it was his stop#i wasnt too pissed because i was going to HAVE A BURGER!! but still. what??#so i went to get that burger and wait for my mom so we can go to the farm#and the burger guy was extra niceys to me :) we joked around and stuff#AND THEN. scenario number two#i had my delicious burger and i was looking for a table when i saw two ladies sitting with and empty table next to them#and so i went! i was just about to sit down when a random lady SNATCHES the chair i was about to use#i was like WTF???#the two old ladies saw this and instantly went like wtf are you ok??? and starting having a go at the random woman#she ofc in good karen fashion didnt care. so the ladies let me have one of the chairs so i could sit next to them#the woman decided to sit right in front of us and so we started shit talking her between us. it was very fun tbh#i was genuinely bummed at these interactions till i realized that there were lots of strangers that were niceys to me#and have me extra ketchup#anyway!! im off to see my dog now#love u
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A piece of lined paper taped to the side of a cluttered counter says,
HI DAD
I LOVE YOU 🧡🧡🧡
KEEP THE
CITRUS PEELS
#because christmastime at my grandma's we'd eat heaps of clementines and save our peels for the fireplace#christmastime scent of oranges and clementines and soot would mix with the cinnamon sticks our aunt put on the mantle#anyway. this year we weren't at grandma's. we were trying to stockpile the peels for the next time we could be there together#my dad kept forgetting‚ so my sister made this sign and. when i first came across it in the kitchen i was struck by the feeling of#sweetness and that sharp pain of missing grandma as we went through all the firsts of being without her#now we're left to find the new ways to take care of each other#yeah.#a little overwhelmed with how much i love her in the present tense#grief#okay to reblog#already a poem
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day 124
aint that just the way though huh
#year 4#it me#short version my grandma went to the er last week bc she was feeling ill#suspected it to be some long covid side effects. they put her on fluids & nutrition for most of the week#saturday she was scheduled to go home#mere hours before her discharge she fell and broke her hip#so she had surgery to repair it the following day#but post op she couldnt bear to eat anything and was very tired#so they did more tests#turns out shes like. terminally ill#in a kind of vague and nonspecific way related to being Just Very Old And Frail#but there is very definitely some stuff going on inside her that WILL eventually kill her#we just dont know when exactly#but we though maybe itd be sometime this week#but today she seemed to be rallying so now we are like#okay well do we send her to rehab for her hip or does she need to stay in like a more robust care facility#and its simply a whole thing#and we would really like for her to be able to go home before she dies so she can have unlimited access to her dog#who she loves very much and who is not allowed in the hospital#idk it is just ROUGH. not unexpected but on top of the other shit that has happened this year?#my aunt recovering from brain surgery still#my dog being very old and fragile#my fucking hamster died#its just a lot!!!#cw death#cw pet death#cw animal death#cw terminal illness#day 124
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Happy dead dad day!
#my dad died 3 years ago today#I have a lot of complicated thoughts about my dad and have spent the past year very angry at him#but i miss him so much and not a day goes by that i don't wish he was still here#part of grief is allowing yourself to feel everything you feel about the person you've lost#my dad did a lot of shitty things and let me believe horrible things about my mother for 11 years#until after he died my mom finally defended herself because she didn't want me to hate my dad while he was alive#and i don't hate him. ive never hated him#but i think back on my childhood and the trauma his untreated mental illness inflicted on all of us#that no one outside of our house knew about#he was bipolar and had DID and was probably also autistic#i was terrified of my father until i was about 16. but i love him and loved him then#the amount of shit he put us all through and especially my mother. who stayed with him because he was her soulmate and also#would likely have killed himself if she left. he threatened to kill her on multiple occasions#we weren't allowed to walk home after school even though it's only about a mile to the school from my house#i realized after he died that its because my mother did not trust him to be home alone with us for our safety#all the adults in our life thought we were just lazy fat kids who couldn't walk a mile#and i think thats the hardest#people thought so negatively about is because they didn't know what we went through on a daily basis#his own family has his memory on a pedestal when they didn't even live with him during childhood#he lived with his grandma and they all lived with their mom#and they get mad if we say ANYTHING negative about him#YOU DIDN'T KNOW HIM YOU DON'T EVEN BELIEVE HE SUFFERED FROM D.I.D. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS DIAGNOSED!#anyways rest in peace to my chevy impala that the transmission died while driving from the hospital to see him#because he was in a coma. for the 3rd time that year#dead dad club#parental loss#grief
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ghhh i miss being in israel so bad
#like yeah it sucks ass there but istg i miss it so bad#like my view of being there is very specific because it’s always like just for family and friends no work or school or anything but still.#i need the vibes and the food and sjfkkf#i need the food so bad#theres like nearly nothing good to eat in aus unless you eat out#and im aware the good food in israel is eating out too BUT there is a difference between the expensive food in australia and the pastries in#israel which are like 14 shekels for 3 pastries and thats like a whole meal ur full#14 shekels in AUD would be roughly like. $5#ah shir#$5.60#meanwhile to get actually good food here its like 13$ for hotpot (which is cheap for food here)#or like 25$ for lasagna#and like what else is there. no clue i dont know#at least this one supermarket finally stocks israeli pickles again FINALLY#and the good brand too#finally had people (my parents) telling me off for eating pickles and drinking milk like one after the other as if thats not a normal thing#(its not a normal thing)#(but its my thing. pickles and milk <3)#omg once in israel right#i was at my paternal grandmas house with my dad grandma and my dads friend#and we were playing cards and shit and eating pickles#and i just sort of ate one pickle in like one bite i guess?? idk? (and these are like the medium 7-9 in a can not even small 10-11 in a can)#and this just made my dads friend CRACK UP like it was rhe funniest thing hed seen#like my guy u grew up with nu pogodi. youve seen funnier#but whatever it was hilarious he found it so entertain how i just practically swallowed it up#hes so silly i love him#i dont think i saw him last time i went to israel cos i was only there like tue-fri like 3 nights or something#fjdjkgkfjt i miss israel so much#such a shithole but its my shithole <3 miss it so much
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Tell me of a sentimental item(s) you have
I wanna listen to the story about who gave it to you or how you got it
Is it with you every day? Is it somewhere safe?
#Ill share mine♡#I have a ring from my grandmother a gold bracelet and silver bracelets from my mother a pandora bracelet from my in laws and a stitch plush#from my love#My grandmother one day saw my mom wearing a ring that matches my engagement ring and said how pretty#we werent even dating and completely forgot about black friday (my bday landed on that day that year) when he asked his mom to take#my mom told my grandma that i gave it to her (my mom) and next time my mom visited my grandma#my grandma comes out of her room holding a ring she had since she was a little girl!#my grandma was orphaned at 5 and stayed only a few years with her evil aunt and uncle (they took everything her parents left her)#and when she ran away was able to take back some of her mothers jewelry. My grandma wanted to trade rings with my mom#My grandma wears my ring every day and i wear hears#My mom gave me 7 silver (my fave precious metal) for my golden birthday and the gold bracelet has my family nickname on it#it was customed made with some of her leftover gold jewelry (we were poor and she had to pawn almost all she owned to pay bills#and lost so much when she couldnt repay money) my grandfather spoiled her and my aunts and uncle so much when he was alive#my mom doesnt regret pawning jewelry but she still hurts from losing it#The bracelet fits big on me (its one you need to use a pin to push down to unlock) and it can just slide out if i wiggle my wrist#The pandora bracelet is a simple silver one with heart lock and i only have 2 charms on it#a stich charm and a graduation charm. i got stitch with bracelet on Christmas a few years back and graduation when i got my bachelors#the stitch plush was given to me freshman year of high school by hubby#before we even stared dating#he forgot black friday (day my bday landed on) when he went to mall to get me a present#that stitch was my comfort item like it went almost everywhere with me (it has had to be restuffed twice cause he gotten flat)#and has stayed safe in plushie heaven for last 2 years (its a hanging pink net hammock for stuffed animals) cause#a giant squishmallow stitch is my pillow and a unicorn squishmallow (was my previous pillow) take up all the space
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good news my fave barn cat wasn't drooling today so i guess she's okay :3
#went on a walk with my niece (she learned how to ride a bike and now loves it dhhdhd) and the cat immediately came to us#and plopped down asking to be pet lmaoo she's soooooo patient btw#my niece likes it and wants to pet it too but is sometimes a bit scared but the cat is so unfazed she's so gentle#(btw i do teach her where and how to pet cats so we don't upset them and to be gentle ; and my niece has already been scratched by#her great-grandma's cat once so she's careful)
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ok we know Nightmare plays Animal Crossing but what would his opinion on Stardew Valley be?
I think his opinion would be “meh.” It is cute and there is some collecting involved but it’s all pixels, farms aren’t interesting to him, and the dating aspect Killer explained made him roll his eyelight. He doesn’t need or want a virtual spouse.
#i looooved Harvest Moon for the Super Nintendo.#I played it so much#I read about it in a Nintendo power magazine and was all set on buying it#but they stores near me never got it on the release day.#found my copy in a game stop on a trip to my grandma’s house#she didn’t have a Super Nintendo and her TV was old… so I had to wait to play it a week before we went home.#I read the instruction manual cover to cover every day in anticipation#I knew how to play that game like I had been playing it all my life when I turned it on#played it the very next day after we got home#I was never an early riser but I got up that day before everyone else and played all day…#then I got my mom into it X3#basically#I think I’d like Stardew Valley if I ever get around to playing it#since I loved Harvest Moon so much#and I heard it was like the original Harvest Moons.#the first few when the focus was your farm and life#what Nightmare likes most about Animal Crossing is the collection aspect of it.#you collect for the museum fossils n bugs n fishe#you collect furniture n floors n wall styles#heck#you even collect clothing and pictures of residents when they move#that is what he enjoys#collecting#flowers#forgot that you collect those#and yes#he will make sure to hire Dust to go through and water the flowers for him to make sure he has at least one of each color.#but he is a busy skeleton and forgets at times#he does need someone to either remind him to water the flowers or do it for him#and he trusts Dust to not accidentally run through his roses.
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my uncle died. hm
this is the first time i've ever reached the tag limit. the last word is meant to be funeral.
#text#interesting experience#i mean it was expected he's been suffering for a couple of months now. he got a lot better at one point and everyone was like woo you're-#-gonna survive! you're not gonna be like before but you're not gonna die but eh voila he died#like a week ago he was sent to the hospital because his kidneys just failed and the doctors said nah dude he's on his deathbed. better#just die at home rather than dying in the hospital alone so they took him home and they've been waiting ever since and here we are#personally i barely know shit about the guy. he used to deliver us bread and he shook my hand once and smiled at me. radiated a good aura#but i dont know anything. dad says he really respected and loved my brother and i so ill take his word for it#but man for the past like month its all you hear about. like i dont mean this in a derogatory way i completely understand dont get me wrng#but its just death death death all around#an hour or so ago i was walking my dog with my mom and brother and i just said i wonder if uncle's died yet#20 minutes afterwards my mom gets a call that he's died. uncle was in a different room from the rest of the family so they couldnt know#exactly when he died (we went to visit at about 5 pm today and he was alive but asleep) but my parents think it must have been around when#i said that. dad's superstitious and all and says that uncle sent me a sign. like i said apparently uncle loved me a lot. im not#superstitious but i'll take his word for it - uncle sent me a sign before he died.#i feel a little bad now. he seemed like a good man. im just replaying my only memory of him - that time when he shook my hand and smiled#like smiled very brightly. he and grandma look so alike. like ofc they do they're siblings but they look so alike#im very worried for my parents and grandma though.#espechially grandma. she's been at his house almost all week becuase she knew his time was soon#when we visited today we were supposed to pick her up and bring her home and then return her tomorrow but once we arrived she apparently#said (idk i didnt go inside i just wandered outside and pspsed at cats#that she didnt want to come home becuase he was very ill. she knew man she knew.#i dont know how she's going to handle this i just hope she'll be okay we'll do what we can to help her#i hope my parents are going to be okay too. me and my mom's relationship is rocky and i dont like my dad much#my dad returned from europe yesterday to stay with us for a month and i was really not looking forward to it. i always dread his visits#like dont get me wrong i love him just like im supposed to i just dont like him very much#but nonetheless i hope they'll be okay#as far as i know my brother also didnt know my uncle very well so i dont think i have to worry about him#he and i will just have to do our best to support our family i guess#about like 30 minutes ago my parents left for uncle's house and they'll return early morning tomorrow and then go back immidietaly for the
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having a good sleep schedule rocks i wake up at 9am every day now and i feel like a person but not like me as a person but like me if i were an old lady im in my grandma era
#the party era completely skipped me. i went immediately to grandma status#they should invent parties for people who are grandmas at heart so instead of loud music it's ambient rain noises on youtube#and instead of partying and dancing we're all quietly sitting in rocking chairs knitting sweaters while we watch the anime of my choice#My Choice. not yours. we will watch vinland saga. like real grandmas do.#and then i'll bake everyone cookies they're store bought but they're made with love i promise#then we could all play on the computer side by side and not speak to each other for 5 hours straight except#you're all invited !
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I finally got to meet some of my girlfriend's friends and I'm so fucking awkward and I think one of them might not like me
#my social anxiety will be the death of me i swear#i hope she doesn't dislike me because 1 i just want my girlfriend's friends to like me#and 2 they live together so I'll have to see these people anytime i go over to her house#idk it just felt kinda weird and i was weird and fucking christ i cant believe i got a girlfriend in the first place because im so awkward#i was also so incredibly sleep deprived and had just come back after being in jersey for a week dealing with my sick and dying grandma#so definitely not in peak condition to be dealing with new people#hopefully the next time i see them it wont be as awkward#and hopefully my girlfriend will let me know if her friends dont like me lol#but also it seemed like her friend was jokingly giving my girlfriend some shit about not inviting me over sooner#so idk maybe she doesn't hate me and i was just weird and tried#at least i got to see my girlfriend's new house and hang out with her#i also got to give her a surprise present so that was awesome#when we went to the hozier concert two weeks ago she accidentally bought the wrong album and was a bit bummed about it#so i surprised her with the one she actually wanted and she was so fucking happy and it was adorable and i love her so much#and somehow she loves me despite how fucking weird and awkward i am lol#anyway at least my girlfriend likes me even if her friend doesn't#personal
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genuinely want to cry rn, like i’m never leaving my house ever again y’all
#kai.rambles#i can’t live in peace deadass#y’all remember last week when i sneezed and hit my forehead on the counter#i thought that was hella embarrassing BUT TODAY DUDE? TODAY TAKES THE CAKE#where i live my neighbors are super nice we always share the extra produce we have or receive since we all grow different things in the yard#and today my neighbor who is married has kids and his wife is so sweet i love chatting with her#brought me some extra produce from his restaurant and my dog was barking really loud so i picked him up to put him behind the little-#gate he has in the hallway so he doesn’t escape when i open the door to guests#i had on a crop top - you can already imagine where did is going lol#when i picked him up (he’s usually very calm when i pick him up) BUT TODAYYY the stray mommy kitty that i feed happened to be waiting for -#me with her two baby kittens for me to feed her and when my dog saw them he went crazy in my arms#AND KICKED MY CROP TOP DOWN IN FRONT OF MY DAMN NEIGHBOR#I FLASHED MY FKN NEIGHBOR!!!!#he was super respectful about it BUT STILLLL#he immediately covered his eyes while i was apologizing like crazy and he was like no don’t worry about it things happen etc etc#he gave me the box with produce after i put my dog behind the gate and we just chatted normally like always since he knows my mom and -#grandma so he was asking about them BUT I ON THE OTHER HAND#was talking while holding back tears BECAUSE HOW EMBARRASSINGGGGG#it’s not the first time i’ve flashed ppl but other times has been with friends or strangers NOT MY GROWN ASS NEIGHBOR#AGHHHHHH#my dog and i had a stared down afterwards too like damn bitch that really just happened#sorry for the long post but i needed to scream it into the void#and i called my mom and she was like oh that’s no big deal i’ve even flashed the mailman a couple of time and im like ok thats on you#my mailman has seen me in my robes but i haven’t flashed him BUT THE NEIGHBOR- THAT I ACTIVELY TALK TOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOJDNEJSJDSJSJSJ#and bf just laughed about it and hasn’t stopped since bc he finds it hilarious :(
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i'm rewatching episode blue of the chou den-o trilogy and owner was really like "what if i was homophobic for no reason. what if i ripped this relationship apart. lmao. learn a lesson koutarou!" meanwhile ryoutarou (13 again) is like "uh my grandson he is gay please give him back his monster boyfriend"
#kamen rider den o#new den o#nogami kotaro#koutarou on hearing rinko's grandma is going to die soon: wow that is JUST like teddy leaving me!#sakurada dori really went 'welp. gonna gently hold the sand that was my imagin and cry about the keychain'#'idiot. this is a love charm. this is the first time i saw you make a mistake' well it's 2010 bro. gay kisses were in 1996 and 2013#the contract is so strong that teddy comes back. this is NOT the main character of den-o#like. this movie just really exists to be gay i guess#sakurada dori doesn't need a bl he has this movie#also everyone being like DUDE YOU CAN'T BE LIKE. OPENLY GAY HERE IT'S 2010 and then like 'but we know it's fine'#koutarou: this was done to me to teach me a lesson. also koutarou: well i didn't learn shit tendon :D
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also hi i’m home from my two week long trip to the bella coola wilderness and i think i’m a changed person now. lot of growth happens when you don’t have cell service for two weeks and you’re surrounded by rainforest!
#i went up to say goodbye to my grandmother bc she’s in the late stages of dementia#so my heart was and still is shattered!!!! but we got to bring my baby niece to meet her great grandparents#and we got to see my grandma’s old art studio above the barn#the barn is a MESS but my grandfather kept her art studio perfectly intact#like preserved from the last time she was in there#i cried SO MUCH#but i got to take some of her paintings home and he’s gonna mail some of the larger ones#my heart is broken and all it’s spilling is love
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